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Jan. 14, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:05:40

GOML LIVE #178 - ACAB

Sylvia's got no love for the fuzz because they won't let her get back with the guy who beat the shit out of her.

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	In the morning, I get some places, I meet some girls, I gotta say, hi baby, I gotta say, hi baby, hi baby, hi baby.
	I love Manhattan.
	I don't think that takes any explaining.
	It is clearly your archetypal, run-of-the-mill, 70s Zambian rock band.
	Right?
	I mean, come on.
	We're all familiar with Zambian funk rock.
	Who isn't?
	I am.
	Donald Duck!
	Sylvia, what's your favorite Zambian rock band from the 70s?
	Oh, you gotta talk into the mic there.
	You got the mic?
	Have you got a microphone?
	You got Tostitos out the wazoo.
	The Beatles!
	I like the Beatles.
	Yeah, they weren't Zambian, were they?
	I thought they were from Liverpool.
	They were from Liverpool.
	Matty O'Dell, favorite Zambian family rock band.
	I must say, I don't know any.
	You pretend to be a music expert.
	As soon as it's time to really put the pedal to the metal.
	I fell flat.
	To pull the rubber on the road.
	No idea.
	No idea.
	I don't even know where the fuck Zambia is.
	What is Zambia?
	I have no idea.
	I'm always amazed when anything in Africa works.
	Like, I guess this is racist, but when there's a building in Kenya, like a skyscraper, I'm like, who the fuck?
	Who made that for you?
	I went out with Jomo Kenyatta's son.
	Who's Jomo Kenyatta?
	Oh my god.
	From the Mau Mau Uprising.
	Oh, we're getting into like all those late 60s, early 70s revolutionaries like Ame and the Black Panthers and everything, right?
	No, he was nothing like the Black Panthers.
	He was against the British.
	He became president.
	Oh, I'm sorry, Malmo Uprising.
	We're talking about Africa now.
	That is Africa!
	Can you wake up and smell the cocaine, Gavin?
	What's that strange sound we have clipping away?
	Something coming out of the speaker.
	I don't know why I'm coming out.
	Okay.
	We didn't do much preparing, I guess, before we started the show.
	We have Tim Dickman, as usual, and his partner, Neil.
	Now, I know you homophobes jump to homosexuality when we say partner.
	It's also a police term.
	You guys were together as friends for, what, 20 years?
	20 plus years, yes.
	So there's only one mic for the three of them?
	Tim has a little doohickey?
	Uh, you guys ever shoot anyone?
	No.
	Were you ever shot at?
	No.
	So, state troopers, pretty easy job, isn't it?
	It's just drunks and speeders.
	Well, you know, a lot of the situations you get in are, you know, how you present yourself.
	You may, you know, you may deflect some things, you may de-escalate some things right away that, you know, you never know what could have happened.
	You know, we got plenty of guns off the street, plenty of bad guys, so...
	Do you think Derek Chauvin could have de-escalated that situation better?
	Uh, yeah.
	I think the confrontation between him and George Floyd was pretty routine up until the point he looked up and people were videotaping while he was kneeling on his back and he was overdosing from fentanyl.
	He could have de-escalated it by just, you know, pretending to care that he didn't overdose.
	It bothers me that police work is contingent on who's filming and how the media will run with it.
	Exactly.
	So what should be his punishment?
	You're the judge.
	Derek Chauvin's punishment.
	Departmental.
	You know, maybe suspended for a couple days.
	I mean, people die in police custody all the time.
	That's my point.
	I think George Floyd was going to die that day, whether he was kneeling on his back or not.
	Derek Chauvin, if you're watching this right now, I hope, if it was up to me, you would get a hundred dollar fine and you'd have to pick up garbage by the fucking highway for at least six hours!
	And I don't care if it's raining, I don't care if it's snowing, I want your ass by that highway picking up trash from 9 a.m.
	10, 11, 12, 1, 2, to fucking 3 p.m.
	10, 11, 12, 1, 2 to fucking 3 p.m. No breaks.
	Pack a sandwich, bitch. - Gosh.
	You act like it's okay, like it's ordinary and accepted that cons die at police.
	Fuck them.
	Fuck your attitude, where it breathes.
	Wait, my attitude?
	Yeah, you said, oh, it's very ordinary.
	Well, people commit suicide.
	No, I didn't mean that.
	No, listen, you misunderstood.
	I didn't mean people Cops kill people every day.
	I said people die in police custody.
	They overdose.
	They commit suicide.
	Death by cop.
	Suicide by cop.
	And some police kill them.
	Sometimes they point guns at cops.
	Sylvia, police have gone to your house and prevented you from being a punching bag for your various miscreant spouses and you hate cops.
	I don't hate them.
	Not true.
	I've talked to the cops that used to go to your house.
	I know cops who used to go to your house and they were like, he used to treat her like a punching bag, they said.
	They came to my house because of domestic violence.
	That's a whole nother world, Gavin.
	What?
	I missed that, sorry.
	Came to my house because of domestic violence.
	That's a whole nother world.
	I'm feeling upset.
	Did you ever call them?
	Of course I called them.
	I was the victim.
	Were you happy when they got there?
	Yeah, of course.
	But I know what they're capable of when it comes to convicts.
	But it's rare.
	No, it's not rare.
	Bullshit.
	Bullshit.
	Trust me, it's rare.
	Think about what you think about!
	No, wait a minute.
	She's talking about corrections officers now.
	Are you talking about COs?
	Yeah.
	COs.
	I've heard some bad stuff about COs.
	What do you think, Matty?
	You're the expert on COs.
	Well, it is a very unfortunate situation.
	You were the one being corrected.
	- Well, I've had a few, I actually had one physical confrontation with a CO. - I knew a narcotics cop in Miami that was as crooked as a day is long. - All right, yeah. - Okay, that's a different subject, Sylvia.
	Wait, tell me about the incident.
	Yeah, stay on track here.
	Oh, it was a guy in... He's dead now.
	Officer Smith in Westchester County Department of Corrections.
	He's called Smitty.
	Even his own co-workers hated him.
	He was just a real fucking scumbag douche cop, like CO.
	And I was working in the officers mess hall and he used to just come in and just...
	Fucking, just nitpick about everything.
	Like, oh this place is filthy, disgusting.
	I said, well don't fucking eat here, what the fuck you want me to tell you?
	I said, so he said something, he goes, he said something, I gave him a smart answer.
	And he's like, that's it, go back to your block, you know, I'm writing you up.
	I was like, alright, whatever.
	So I'm starting to leave, and he said, yeah that's right, walk away, boy.
	And I turned around and said, who the fuck you calling boy?
	I said, you see a boy, you fucking smack a boy.
	And then me and him got into it, and then all the cops started.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa.
	We cannot gloss over details like got into it.
	Yeah, we got into it.
	I need to know, first punch, block, pretend we're eight years old in the school yard.
	Oh, when I stopped to turn around, we were like chest to chest.
	And he went to push me, so I grabbed his shirt and uniform and pulled him with me.
	So then we fell on the floor, and then we were rolling around in the hallway.
	Did you stomp him?
	So he can't swing.
	And then, you know, there's a bubble, what they call the bubble.
	They're all there, and then they all come out, and oh my God, the two biggest guys.
	You know, they finally get me in cuffs, and I swear to God, they pick me up by my handcuffs, and they got my feet about three, four inches off the ground by my hands.
	Like, I'm cuffed like this, and they're holding me off the ground by my hand, like by my wrist.
	Right, I get it, yeah.
	But then it was fucked up because now I'm getting put in the shoot like what they call key block so I'm in my cell everything you know they're there the response team comes and they got the video camera and you know they're filming the side of the wall you know they're doing what they're doing they take me to my cell put me down lie you down you got to like take your handcuffs can't get off until they leave the cell blah blah but then like 20 officers came through the block and came up to our cell and was like, you're right on.
	Fuck that dude.
	Oh really?
	Yeah, I was gonna say that.
	Because if it was like some nice female CO that got punched in the face, I bet you would have got tuned up beyond belief.
	But they probably knew that he started that shit and he was a dick.
	He not only hated the inmates, he hated the people he worked with.
	And he was a notorious crackhead.
	He ended up dying, but...
	Was this person of African-American descent?
	Yes.
	Oh.
	Quinky Dink!
	You could have an aneurysm on the toilet!
	You never know.
	Yeah, but you know, I got like, I don't know, 30 days keep lock or whatever that, you know, 30 days.
	30 days?
	What's 30 days?
	Was that state or federal?
	No, I was in county jail at the time.
	Oh.
	Yeah, I never got into a fight with a... I got into an argument with a couple of federal COs, but the state never had a beef with them.
	But the state, they'll fuck you up with them sticks.
	I'm going tomorrow.
	They carry night sticks, though.
	I'm going Saturday.
	The last visit.
	Max and John get out in March.
	They want one more visit.
	But I was just saying to my wife, the funny thing about going there is it's a fucking boring drive.
	It's six hours.
	So you bring some whiskey.
	You're not driving.
	The other guys don't go ratting me out to the state troopers.
	Not that I have to worry.
	I've got state trooper badges.
	I can fucking murder a prosecutor.
	Um, but you, so you drink whiskey, you get there, you party that night, go to a bar or something in Albany on the way, so you get to bed at like 2, then you gotta get up at 6, so you get to the jail and the prison and you're like, You're hungover as shit, in a bad mood, totally exhausted, and you're like, uh, so hey, what's going on?
	Uh, you, uh, you getting out soon or whatever?
	You want some fucking vending machine shit, I guess?
	Yeah, bring your quarters in a plastic bag.
	I guess I gotta empty my fucking wallet, microwaving a burger for you, and get you some damn Doritos!
	Yeah.
	And they're so happy that you're there.
	They're like, oh, I got this story.
	So this guy started a fight with that guy and blah, blah, blah.
	They know, I want to color this up to make you come back.
	They don't want to be boring.
	So they're doing the shucking and jiving, and you're just like, whatever.
	That's so shitty.
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	An incredible deal for this quality of coffee.
	And again, folks, you're buying coffee.
	I know you're buying coffee.
	I see you.
	I watch you.
	I stay outside your house.
	And from the bushes, via binoculars, I see you buying coffee.
	So why are you buying coffee from someone who doesn't support this show, who doesn't support free speech, who didn't offer to die for their country?
	These are veterans.
	It's a different world.
	So if you have to do something, get glasses, my glasses guy is MAGA, buy diapers, buy milk, why not focus that money where you know the people are of our ilk?
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	Those are the things that fit in the Keurig machines.
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	They work in any K-cup machine.
	And they have a large variety of beard oils.
	If you have a beard, have you ever noticed your skin gets dry and irritated?
	Maybe you even have beard dandruff, which is very common if you have a black shirt on, which I do now.
	I think I'm still, I'm already getting beard dandruff.
	I've only had this on for a few hours.
	Black shirts.
	You always think you're like, you see Johnny Cash and you're like, why don't I do that more?
	I'm going to be like the black suit, black shirt guy.
	That's going to be my vibe.
	And then you try it and you look down and you just see fucking dead skin and you go, oh yeah, that's why I'm not that guy.
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	As you know, the first half of the show is free, or the first third really, and that's why we have sponsors.
	We're joined by a 70-something woman named Sylvia who grew up in the Bronx.
	She's had nine husbands.
	She had some crazy times in her youth.
	She's quite raunchy.
	She describes herself as an American slut, but she's also a Jew for Jesus.
	And then we have Tim and Neil, state troopers for many years.
	Tim was a NYPD cop for a minute.
	Neil is looking at only fans of an 18-year-old girl who has spina bifida.
	Which is weird, at the very least.
	It's legal.
	Legal, though.
	Perfectly legal.
	Neil, were you ever a non-trooper?
	Did you do anything before trooping?
	I did.
	Right out of high school, I went in the Army.
	Ah.
	So you went Army state trooper and Tim went NYPD state trooper.
	College.
	NYPD state trooper.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And why'd you quit the NYPD?
	To become a state trooper.
	You know what I want to do?
	I want to get a round table where that thing is and have like seven cops.
	Hmm.
	That'd be cool.
	I could get you those cops.
	Because they're itching to tell their stories.
	Sounds good.
	And if they were around in the early 90s, their stories fucking rule.
	So if that's the case, I gotta come packing.
	Yeah, you should come packing.
	Fudge packing.
	What are you packing?
	What did you say?
	What are you packing?
	You gotta be kidding me.
	I implied the officers would be having ineffective.
	I'm wondering what Sylvia's packing.
	You'll find out.
	Wait, shit is going well in Westchester for guns these days, right?
	Well, New York State in general.
	Yeah.
	You take the course.
	Guy at the gym was telling me, look, take the course.
	My buddy will set you up.
	There's a liberal judge who occasionally shuts people down.
	You just wait and you go back to this other judge.
	Well, now it used to be in New York state.
	I mean, you used to have like a, have to have a reason like business carry or hunting and target.
	And then that's in Westchester.
	It was tough.
	But once you get into like Rockley and Orange putting them like outside of it, it's a little easier.
	You know what else I heard?
	If you have the Westchester carry permit and you're caught in New York... Nobody's allowed.
	I know you're not allowed, but it's not the apocalypse.
	No.
	They're just like, ah dude, you gotta get out of here.
	It's only a violation of your pistol permit.
	You didn't break the law.
	It's not criminal possession of a weapon.
	Right.
	You only violated the terms of your pistol permit.
	And the cop is probably just gonna go, shoo.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I remember when I was an NYPD cop, I remember stopping, like, armed guards that are only supposed to carry on duty, but they have it off duty.
	Shoo.
	But I thought cops have to carry guns at all times, because they're always on duty.
	He was an armored car driver.
	Oh, armored car, right.
	So he had it for work only.
	There's a guy at my gym, Tommy Bags, and he's got a carry permit, finally, and he boxes like a lunatic.
	Three rounds of rope, three rounds of speed bag, four rounds of shadow, then slip rope, and now he's ready to spar for five rounds.
	He's a monster.
	And I've fought him, fought him, I've been beaten up by him before.
	He sweats so much that the sweat will hit you and like go in your eye and go in your mouth.
	I guess I've fucked him in that sense.
	And when he's hitting the bags in the summer, the coaches will come over with a mop and mop under him.
	But anyway, I just think, what a waste that you've never been robbed.
	Like, you're armed, you're a fucking ninja.
	One of you bitches dump me?
	Like, I want some dudes to jump him.
	He does the Bronx, the South Bronx, he does Staten Island, he does the East Village.
	Like, jump him!
	He's not an easy target.
	He's not a victim.
	Well yeah, that's what my wife says about sexual assault.
	And this is a dangerous subject to get into because it implies that the victim's had it coming.
	But my wife goes, I've never been assaulted sexually or like raped or any kind of bad thing because I give off a vibe of like, don't even think about it.
	And it's the same when you walk around New York City these days, you puff out your chest and you don't have headphones on and you're like, what?
	And you don't get, you don't get accosted.
	Just be aware of your situation.
	Situation awareness is key.
	And this is where it gets dark and evil.
	Is that why you're scared of your wife, Gavin?
	Sort of.
	It's actually beneficial to be married to a cunt.
	Because when you wet the bed, she doesn't notice because she doesn't come over to that side.
	We killed all the nice Indians.
	So I wet the bed.
	I go, I get a towel.
	I put it down.
	I lie on that.
	It absorbs a lot.
	I throw it under the bed.
	I go get another one.
	It's usually three or four towels.
	But you're peeing in bed because you're scared of her.
	Right?
	No, I'm peeing in bed because of my piss bed sponsor, Makers Mark.
	Makers Mark hates Tempur-Pedic mattresses and they're at war.
	So they sponsor me to destroy my Tempur-Pedic mattress.
	No, I haven't wet the bed in like a year though.
	I'm pretty proud of myself.
	Oh yeah, wowee.
	Yeah, when did you last wet the bed?
	You should be proud, Gavin.
	That's very good.
	So you talk with your eyes, Mr. Printer?
	What's your name?
	I've never met you before.
	I'm Printy the Printer!
	Printy the Printer.
	Yep.
	And you talk with your eyeballs.
	No, no, no.
	My mouth is a scanner, but my eyes are attached, so... I understand that it looks that way, but it's not.
	So what comes... What do you print out of?
	Your Colombian necktie?
	What do the papers come out of?
	That's my chin.
	I'm growing a beard.
	Oh, okay.
	So these papers are really beard hairs.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So it's eyes, mouth, and then these long beard chin papers.
	Yeah.
	The original word for printer was print hairs and that's, you know, when it got small, when it came to the Ellis Island, they shortened it to printers and then so they lost the translation, but it's print hairs, you see.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	It's very Bill Schultz fucking red eye.
	Do you remember that?
	The New York Times did that joke, but good.
	Well, I'm sure he had writers.
	I'm sure they had writers.
	I have an important Need of Fashions announcement, by the way.
	You may have noticed that I wear suits 99.9% of the time, and my suits are made by Need of Fashions.
	Those are my tailors.
	I sell it as tailors for cheap, rich guys.
	I was introduced to them by a producer at Fox who noticed I had my top button undone.
	And he goes, dude, you look like a piece of shit with your top button undone with a tie.
	Unless you're a lawyer and you're working on a long case and you have a pizza box there, you can undo your shit and have the tie hanging down.
	But a real man, especially at a wedding, for fuck's sake, you do your top button and your top button shouldn't be strangling you.
	And that's what a tailored shirt brings you.
	So anyway, if you're in London, innit, don't muck about.
	Don't be a fucking dumb geez.
	Don't be a wanker.
	They're in London 31st of January, 4th of February.
	So end of Jan, right?
	Beginning Feb this year.
	They're at the Intercontinental London Park Lane.
	So you set up an appointment, go over there.
	I find it's best to contact them through Instagram DMs.
	And you go, oy geese, don't muck about.
	Sound is a pound.
	I want to come by, get measured, so you have my fucking blueprint.
	And then, when it's time for me to get a suit... See, the setup is fun.
	It's like you're being catered to, you feel like a monarch.
	And then they have your shit.
	So then you can just like email them and go, I want like a blue shirt.
	Boom.
	It's in the mail.
	FedEx from Hong Kong.
	Why don't you support American business?
	Oh, I don't know.
	Cause an American tailored suit is $7,000, maybe 3000.
	If you're a cheapskate, these guys will make you a suit for 800 bucks, a shirt for 50 bucks.
	And then what happens is you get hooked and you start wanting higher quality.
	So you go up to like a hundred dollars shirt and a thousand dollars suit.
	But I'm telling you, man, once you get this suit that you helped design, by the way, you design, you say, I want this button here, this fucking lining.
	It's PJs.
	It's comfier than work clothes.
	I saw there was an article about blue collar chic online and I contacted the writer and I go, hey cunt lips, you fucking talk about something I invented, blue collar chic, and you steal the concept.
	I just did this video a few months ago and you don't even fucking credit me.
	Fuck you.
	I'm going to kill your family in front of you on Christmas morning.
	And she goes, I wrote that article in 2021.
	That holds up?
	You know what my comeback to that was?
	What?
	Touche, my dear.
	Touche.
	What month?
	That's officially the end of our debate.
	You used the term before then.
	Did I?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	I heard you say that a million times.
	Like around 2021?
	Call her back.
	A year ago?
	2023.
	Maybe not.
	I think she won.
	Some pachyderm.
	Her idea is totally different.
	Well, no, it's very similar.
	No, the term exists, but almost not at all.
	Like if you look it up, you'll see a link from 1993, you'll see a link in 94.
	Like hipsters, I invented hipsters.
	The term hipster comes from the 20s, but as far as like popularizing it, I did that in the early aughts.
	You know, you can't, who said this?
	I think it was Owen Wilson, actually, who I broke up with, but he said, it's very freeing to give up on the idea of copyright and ownership.
	I mean, I'm sure in business it's important, but I want the ideas to get out there.
	I want people to get married.
	I want them to have kids, put a ring on it.
	I want them to get a trade.
	I don't want them to go to secondary education.
	I want that to become popularized.
	I don't own those things.
	And as long as they get out there, I'm happy because America is a better place to be.
	Is America worse?
	I know we're living in clown world and young girls are cutting their tits off, but you know, 1992 David Dinkins New York was a fucking zoo.
	So I'm of two minds about it.
	On one hand, I believe like the guys in my Knights of Columbus group in Hell's Kitchen, the 70 year olds are like, we're on the back nine.
	I feel sorry for your kids.
	It's over.
	But at the same time, I'm like, you guys lived in hell.
	Oh, the 90s were the best.
	But Hell's Kitchen?
	The Westies?
	Oh, I used to go to nightclubbing.
	1018, 10th Avenue and 18th Street?
	Fuck yeah.
	Okay.
	I mean, it only had the highest murder rate, 2,600 a year.
	But go 20 blocks up, and fucking the Westies are shooting someone in the head because they bumped into their car.
	That's when Times Square was Times Square.
	Yeah.
	That was bad.
	Even in the... I moved here in the late 90s, and there was still like fucking whores and... Yeah, but it wasn't as bad as it seems.
	At least it didn't when you were there.
	Well that's true of like South Africa today.
	You could probably go to Soweto today and not get raped to death.
	It doesn't mean it's good.
	There's 20 million pitbulls in America.
	There's only 20 kids murdered by them a year.
	I still don't like pitbulls.
	I'm sure the BLM and Tifa riots were mostly peaceful.
	Out of the fucking eight billion of them, we only lost like a hundred statues and 320 CVS's.
	I mean, World War One!
	The odds were pretty good you're not gonna die.
	It still sucked shit.
	Hundreds of thousands died.
	Being a Jew during the Holocaust.
	I mean, 300,000 Jews were killed in the Holocaust.
	Six million.
	Six million, I'm sorry.
	They always fuck that up.
	Good morning.
	Okay, so this is the show where we take calls, we trivialize genocide, and we read emails.
	I go through every single email.
	Takes me about an hour a day.
	You guys are real chatty.
	And by the way, there's certain people who send like seven a day.
	I don't even read your fucking emails, dude.
	We're not friends.
	You're sending me emails like I send Maddie and Tim texts.
	Like, stop doing that.
	And they're not even good.
	It's like, check this out.
	This tiny Chinese guy.
	It's Ryan.
	Yes.
	I'm familiar with that video and we already showed it on the show.
	Apparently you don't watch the show.
	That's not funny.
	Stop.
	So we also do a Super Chat, where we raise money for Max and John, who are in jail for four years, the guys I'm visiting on Saturday.
	We squeeze both in in one day.
	And we see their parents there sometimes.
	And they go, I used to hate you guys, but thank God you stuck around.
	You know what I say to them?
	Fuck you.
	You doubted my loyalty.
	I shove him.
	Did I tell you, My, my, uh, I don't know how to say this, not plan, I'm never doing this, but it's very easy to smuggle shit into prison.
	Have you this whole time?
	Well, you don't have to put anything up your fucking ass, although you could do that.
	Oh, getting it in, in, well the inmate has to.
	I've said this on the show, I know I repeat myself, sorry, go to a Rolling Stones concert, they play Satisfaction, okay?
	You sit down on the bench, you take your boots off, You drop your Swiss Army knife by your boots.
	They take your boots.
	They analyze your boots.
	You take off your watch, all your shit.
	You do all that shit.
	They check everything is fine.
	You go through the screener twice.
	Then you go through this weird tube in another hallway.
	You walk by that.
	I don't know if that's drugs, whatever that is.
	And then they go, OK, you're good.
	Now I got to put my boots back on.
	Well, I got to sit down.
	They ever swab your hands?
	I think they may have swabbed my hands, yep.
	Um, I gotta sit down to put my boots back on.
	I sit down on the same bench I took them off on, put the Swiss Army knife back in my boot, and you don't go through security for that final part.
	You just walk right in.
	Sounds good in theory.
	I could have heroin, I could have fuckin' razor blades.
	Sounds good in theory.
	And then, once I'm in there, giving it to him is easy peasy, because I'm microwaving hamburgers for him, I'm getting him Doritos and Gatorade and shit.
	So as soon as I hand that over... And then they gotta get strip-searched.
	Going back to their cell block.
	Ooh.
	Hole in the plot.
	Yeah.
	I was gonna say, it's easy to get it in the visiting room.
	He's gotta get strip-searched.
	Bend over and spread him.
	They bend over and spread him for every single prison visit?
	Every single one.
	Bottom of your feet.
	Bend down.
	Cough.
	Lift your nuts.
	Lift your dick.
	Open your mouth.
	Run your hands through your hair.
	You name it.
	Touché, Matty.
	Touché.
	Bend over and spread them.
	Well, my other idea is... In the state system in New York, they would call you have to boof it.
	Twin brothers.
	Who?
	Twin brothers.
	I go there with my twin brother.
	He... How are you going to change places?
	They don't really look at you that much.
	You can't wear any color clothing that matches inmate clothing.
	I have it under my sweatpants.
	I slowly remove my sweatpants.
	I have my inmate clothing.
	In the VI.
	In the VI room.
	Yeah, I... I can't remember what I thought with my beard.
	We'd have to look exactly the same.
	Anyway, we somehow change clothing and then my twin brother walks out wearing my clothes and I go back to his cell.
	I told the CO this once and he's like, eh, we still got a body.
	Technically, that's all they would care about.
	But I think it's conceivable you could switch out a twin brother.
	Mmm, no.
	Why not?
	How no?
	How no?
	Because they're in the visiting room with you, watching.
	They're not watching.
	They are, but they are.
	They're not as far away as my office is.
	Okay.
	And they got their shit.
	They're looking at shit.
	People are doing click clicks.
	Oh yeah, time for click click.
	They call pictures click clicks.
	What are you, aboriginals?
	We want to do the click click.
	Time for click click.
	The white man has a machine that can take your soul.
	He do a click click.
	Get your Polaroids.
	Have you guys ever been to a prison?
	Yeah.
	Did you ever send a guy to prison?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Who?
	Timothy Handel.
	What did he do?
	Look him up.
	Google him.
	Okay.
	You both put him in prison.
	Ah, Neil, this is Neil's.
	This is a good one.
	Timothy Hindell.
	He was the worst speeder in the history of 95.
	Yep.
	And he didn't wear a seatbelt.
	He had the wrong sticker on his license plate three years in a row!
	And he was gay.
	And he wouldn't comply.
	Yeah, we were talking about that before the show.
	There's so many fucking videos you watch where you're like, dude, I'm on your side.
	I do think it was stupid that the cops pulled you over for having a bicycle without a light on, but just fucking comply, please?
	Like, I made a t-shirt once that said, Just Seize.
	And it was Archie Bunker just as a cop.
	And the whole point was like, hate the cop's guts.
	Go bananas!
	Hate him to his core.
	Want his entire family to die of cancer.
	That's fine, that's up to you.
	But you're not gonna like, outsmart him, outwit him, like make him cry.
	You're not gonna win this.
	So, Take notes, if you want to file a lawsuit, you know, you got that all in your head.
	He shoved me, this was bullshit.
	When you're getting cuffed up, document it all mentally, but this whole like, this is fucked up!
	Like, what's he gonna do?
	Go, alright, sorry man.
	Inevitable doom.
	It's inevitable, it's happening.
	And as a taxpayer, I obviously want it to happen.
	I don't want a society where I pay taxes and the lawmakers are one fuck you away, or the law enforcers are one fuck you away from going like, okay, fuck, calm down.
	We'll let you go, shit.
	I didn't know you were gonna get all mad.
	How do you spell his last name?
	Yeah, I'm not getting it here.
	H-A-N-D-E-L.
	Timothy Handel, New Windsor.
	Ryan should be familiar with New Windsor.
	Gotcha, yes I am.
	The Windsor?
	New Windsor.
	Not the old Windsor.
	There's some fucking shitholes upstate.
	Oh, it was a murder.
	Oh, it's Handel!
	Timothy Handel.
	You get his name wrong?
	Okay, hold on, hold on.
	I hate when the media does this.
	She was being a complete bitch.
	Can they totally gloss over that?
	Did you get his name wrong? - For the murder and dismemberment of the body of his girlfriend, Katie Connelly, last July.
	- Okay, hold on, hold on.
	I hate when the media does this.
	She was being a complete bitch. - Probably.
	- And they totally gloss over that.
	- Does that stand up in court?
	- Yes.
	Objection.
	This is a good one.
	Your Honor, I was getting a lot of this.
	What am I supposed to do?
	Not dismember her?
	A jury convicted Handel of murdering Connelly, then dismembering and burying her body in the backyard of a New Windsor residence.
	The sentence also covers his conviction for concealing evidence.
	Handel did not speak at his sentencing.
	Sorry, can I say one other thing?
	When you dismember your girlfriend, there's so much stigma in this society that you can't have a normal funeral.
	The parents don't want to go.
	The media will show up and be like, this is bullshit, blah, blah, blah.
	So you basically have no choice but to put her in the lawn.
	Using six pieces.
	Oof.
	What are the six pieces?
	Six pieces.
	Five limbs and one head.
	Torso and head.
	A couple legs and one of the legs was cut in half.
	He froze her in a chest freezer.
	Couldn't get her out of there.
	She was kind of a big woman.
	So he cut her up with a sawzall and thankfully left his rubber gloves and sawzall blades in the hole buried with her.
	But that seems kind of smart.
	No?
	We don't catch the smart ones.
	No, I'm not kidding though.
	Like, what should I have done with this sawzall blade in the glass?
	I guess a different hole.
	Throw it in the Hudson or something.
	Yeah, there you go.
	How'd they end up locating the body?
	We found her.
	How?
	We found her in the backyard.
	It was several steps involved.
	Look how curious Matty is.
	He's sweating like a pig.
	Remember, we don't catch the smart ones.
	So doing some work on it, we found out that he rented a backhoe, paid for cash, and had some fresh dug up earth in the back of the place he was living at.
	I know a guy who killed 32 people.
	I want to add to the landlord.
	The landlord, he used to live at this apartment.
	They were from Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
	We're not sure where he killed her, right?
	In Pennsylvania.
	Oh, he did do it in Pennsylvania.
	So he freezed her, froze her, drove her back to New York to an apartment that he used to live in, called his landlord, said, hey, is that apartment still available?
	She was in Colorado.
	He said, yeah, the key's where it always is.
	She gets home, he's already moved in, and he had moved her shed.
	So what he did was he buried Kathleen, put her shed over the hole, over where he disturbed the earth.
	She came back, thought that was a little weird.
	He made up some excuse.
	He had a big F-350 diesel pickup.
	He says, oh, I couldn't turn the truck around, so I moved your shed.
	I hope that's OK.
	She thought that was weird.
	And then when we contacted her and told her What was going on, she immediately said, oh my God, he moved.
	She knew immediately that she was buried under there.
	She goes, the shed's moved, there's dirt disturbed.
	That was basically how it was.
	He cut the three people up and he left, I guess he didn't disrobe them.
	And the guy's cell phone was in his jacket pocket and they pinged the phone.
	Well, that sounds retarded.
	But call me dumb, this guy doesn't sound so dumb.
	Like freezing her, then cutting her up.
	Hey, he thought it through.
	And then putting her in... Renting a backhoe, I guess, was dumb.
	Ever heard of a fucking shovel?
	This is the best, though.
	Imagine this.
	He's sitting there, right?
	So they let Neil stand behind him.
	No.
	On the couch.
	When he's on the couch.
	I was out by the hole.
	There were two other guys.
	Alright, but what about when the backhoe's coming down the driveway?
	Neil, show some respect for fuck's sake.
	No, I just wanted to be accurate.
	No, you're saying you're out by the hoe.
	You don't know what this woman's lifestyle was like to call her a hoe after she's dead.
	A garden tool?
	I know.
	That doesn't matter.
	They're executing a search warrant in his backyard.
	Correct.
	And he's watching the Yankee game and he has to act all nonchalant.
	He's sitting on the couch with his feet up like, yeah, whatever, whatever you guys want to do.
	Why would I care?
	The window behind the TV is where we're digging.
	He sees a backhoe coming down his driveway.
	Doesn't even raise an eyebrow like, what the fuck's going on?
	He's just like, Like, just stay calm.
	Dude, the farts in that room.
	I don't want to be in that room.
	That fucking room must have reeked.
	It's crazy.
	I think for anybody to dismember a human body, especially somebody you know, is very inhumane.
	You're an animal.
	You're a fucking animal.
	That's the great thing about Sylvia, is we get the other side of the argument.
	And, yeah, that's kind of a wake-up call.
	Dismembering someone.
	Oh, that'll wake you up.
	Thumbs down.
	So, he's sitting there shitting his pants.
	There's a dismembered girlfriend.
	Oh, he testified at his trial.
	Oh, he did?
	He testified.
	Well, his testimony was that he came home after a custody battle.
	After she pointed a shotgun at him, he took the kids and left, and when he came back, she was hanging from a rafter in the garage.
	Okay, sounds great.
	Why didn't you call the cops?
	Exactly.
	If there's one thing I do when my ex-wife has hanged herself, it's like, well, better get her frozen up!
	Red tobacco!
	I mean, maybe that would be a good argument in 1676.
	Actually, even then, no.
	You gotta call the fucking sheriff and say, my old lady hanged herself.
	Wow.
	So what did he get?
	He got 25 to life.
	Now, you're a state trooper.
	I don't understand.
	Was he speeding after he buried the body?
	He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
	Improper disposal of it.
	And he was DWI.
	That's the only thing that matters.
	No, but seriously, how did... He got a check to welfare call.
	Oh, how the call came in?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So the grandmother of the two kids, Katie Conley's, the victim's mother called, Hey, I haven't heard from my daughter in a couple of weeks.
	I'm concerned for my granddaughters.
	Could you check on the welfare?
	And you go talk to, and I mean, there's a ton of information that I don't want to bore you to death, but spidey senses go up and I just started working it from there.
	Huh.
	So state troopers, like, excuse my ignorance, but what are your parameters?
	Well, New Windsor probably doesn't have a police department.
	Listen, it's everything.
	Anywhere in the state, a state trooper, like on Long Island, pretty much all they do is cover the parkways.
	But there are parts of New York State where there's no other police agency, so they do everything.
	Yeah, we do everything.
	It's a full service agency.
	You're sort of like the National Guard of Police.
	For New York.
	Um, everything from accidents to... There are some states... Like, wouldn't the local police be doing a welfare check?
	She called the state police instead.
	There's the state police, there's the local police, and there's the sheriff's department.
	She could have called either one.
	But wouldn't you guys go, hey, state police, we got a call about some chick who's not around.
	I gotta go catch speeders.
	Go look into it.
	No.
	No, because like I said, there's certain parts of the state where we do everything.
	You know, there's no other police department.
	Some of the counties don't have sheriff's departments, or they only handle the jails.
	So the state police do everything.
	So we handle all criminal complaints.
	All right.
	Well, as long as my tax dollars are being well spent, I don't care.
	I think we're number one in the state for, we do big homicide seminars, like homicide investigations, and we assist in all that stuff.
	We have a major crimes unit in every troop.
	Number one in the state for homicide?
	Homicide investigate, like we teaching homicide investigations.
	Because when I think of catching homicide, it's got to be East New York.
	That must dominate the entire state.
	NYPD, completely take them out of it.
	They are completely self-sufficient.
	I'm talking about the rest of the state, the rural parts of the state.
	Yeah, Murder Day.
	I read recently that America spent $40 million on murders in Manhattan.
	No, not murders, sorry.
	Bullet wounds.
	Because when these guys in the South Bronx show up with a bullet hole, that's Medicaid and the federal government pays for that.
	So someone in fucking Alabama is paying for someone's ops who got shot through the fucking liver, sewing them up, trying to fix it.
	Forty million dollars.
	Forty million dollars.
	But no one understands how good medicine is now.
	It's the same with war.
	They go, oh, Afghanistan wasn't so bad.
	It was only, what, 6,000 guys died?
	Yeah, there's like fucking 20,000 dudes with no legs.
	And burn victims and mental trauma because we're so good at fixing people.
	In the Civil War, you got, you fucking stubbed your toe, you're dead.
	Mm-hmm.
	Jack Daniels.
	Bite on the stick.
	Yeah, bite on the stick.
	That's how Jack Daniels died.
	What happened with Jack Daniels?
	He died, he stubbed his toe.
	Is that true?
	Is that how he died?
	Yeah, look it up.
	He kicked his safe, he couldn't get it open, he got gangrene and died.
	Now I have a question.
	The guy who built the Brooklyn Bridge, James, John Roebling, James Roebling, he fucking fucked up his foot and he was into this dumb water shit where you use water therapy to cure your ales and he was putting it in a tin pan as he treated his foot with this water therapy and he got tinnitus.
	Dead.
	Tinnitus?
	No, not tonight.
	Tonight's your year.
	What's the other one?
	Tetanus.
	Tetanus.
	Lockjaw.
	Sylvia has a question.
	Are there more murders in rural areas in New York or in the cities?
	In the cities.
	Yeah.
	I don't know where the last... The Democrat-run cities.
	That's where all your murders happen.
	Yep.
	I disagree.
	Oh, look it up.
	No, I don't have to look it up.
	Murder is melanin, basically.
	It's easier to get away with murder in rural areas.
	Oh, I see your point.
	Yeah, but there's more numbers-wise, there's more in the cities.
	Oh, more people.
	Yeah, more people, just, yeah.
	No, but even per capita.
	Oh, per capita.
	I mean, murder, sorry, but it breaks down by racial grounds.
	They go, it's poverty-related.
	Not really.
	Western Virginia's poor.
	You don't see the kind of murder that you see in East New York.
	What about Long Island?
	All those dead hookers they found.
	What?
	Joel Rifkin.
	There you go.
	Troopers stopped him.
	Yeah, stopped him.
	He had a dead body in the back of his truck.
	Wait, who are we talking about?
	Joel Rifkin.
	Joel Rifkin was stopped by a state trooper.
	When he asked him what's in the back of the truck, he said, dead whore.
	Well, that's the end of our investigation.
	His truck is still in Farmingdale, at the State Police Headquarters in Farmingdale.
	You can see it.
	Pull in the front parking lot.
	It's in the evidence thing, but it's right behind the fence.
	Oh, I see him now.
	He's still in prison.
	I never heard of him before.
	Yeah, he's still alive.
	He dumped a body up in Cornwall.
	I just killed a whore.
	Why?
	What's the problem, officer?
	Black Rock Turnpike.
	I mean, Black Rock Hunting Club.
	32.
	Right near there.
	Yeah, yeah, I know.
	My father used to belong there.
	How many serial killers have you fellas had to deal with?
	All of us?
	Serial killers?
	Yeah.
	So I had to deal with Jeffrey Dahmer, the Hillside Strangler.
	David Berkowitz, he's still alive.
	I had to deal with David Berkowitz.
	I've had to deal with about seven serial killers.
	What about you guys?
	What about the Boston Strangler?
	I was his therapist.
	Jack the Ripper?
	They never found him.
	Nathaniel White?
	Jack the Ripper.
	Jack the Ripper used to mutilate prostitutes.
	Did he ever cut a child's tits off?
	No, but that's what we do.
	Jack the Ripper would blush if he could see the clown world we are in now.
	Anthony and I were talking about this the other day, last night actually.
	You take a girl's tits, Which are very complicated.
	They're like a man's balls.
	It's not just a sack of meat.
	It's not like a forearm.
	It's a mammary glans.
	All those little ducks, it looks like a dandelion in there.
	It's not a minor thing to cut off a woman.
	And the whole system with breastfeeding where she releases endorphins and all other chemicals when she's breastfeeding and it helps her recover from the birth and it gives the kids all these important nutrients they have.
	That's not a minor thing to chop off.
	Look at that thing!
	It's more complicated than a dick.
	And you shouldn't chop those off either.
	God did not give us a lot of shit we can chop off.
	Foreskins are arguable, I'm against that.
	Earlobes, eh, you could probably... I don't know if it really helps you to hear with these things there.
	You could probably lose those.
	And what about circumcision?
	Are you against that?
	I'm passionately against circumcision.
	I figured as much.
	I'm against it, too.
	I want mine back.
	I find, and no offense, Tim, but I find it makes your dick taste weird.
	That's just my personal opinion.
	My body, my choice.
	You didn't have a choice, did you?
	No.
	Fuck.
	It makes your dick smaller.
	Why would we do that?
	I guess it technically is smaller.
	My body, my choice.
	Fuck.
	But people go, oh, the kids don't feel it.
	Ever seen a circumcision trade?
	I heard my kids scream down the hall.
	You heard your kid scream down the hall?
	Yeah.
	Oh, fuck.
	That's horrific.
	So wait, you're against it, but you did it to your son?
	I wasn't against it.
	I thought it was a medical thing.
	I don't believe that.
	Are you Googling circumcision right now, Neil?
	Me?
	It's when they cut off the foreskin.
	You know what I'm looking up?
	My favorite killer, Ed Kemper.
	Oh, that's the Madison, Wisconsin guy, isn't it?
	Yes.
	Mother.
	I always confused him with Ed Gein.
	What did he do?
	Ed Kemper.
	He cut his own mother's head off and threw darts at it and fucked her throat.
	He must have hated her.
	He fucking hated his mother.
	Again, one of the biggest bitches in history.
	She was a fucking nightmare to deal with.
	She had a gorgeous throat.
	And the skin texture of her head was perfect for darts.
	But the media never mentions that!
	Ed Kemper!
	Ed Kemper.
	I've never heard of him.
	Oh, you gotta look him up.
	I'm looking him up right now.
	Here he is.
	He's a fucking champ.
	What about Leslie Borden?
	Oh, Ed Kemper?
	He was a big bastard too.
	Like a genius.
	One of those high IQ...
	Well those are the most disturbing ones, the Ted Kaczynski's when they have a point.
	I don't like when they have a point.
	He had an agenda.
	Like you read the fucking, what's it called, the Ted Kaczynski book, the Unabomber Manifesto, and you're like, I'm having trouble poking holes in this.
	What nobody ever talks about is how people just routinely remove the smallest part of the paper receiver tray and just rip it off!
	It's sick.
	Have you seen this folks?
	It does have a function.
	People rip it off.
	They think they don't need it.
	I'm having trouble getting over you speaking from your eyes.
	But what if you have to produce a really long document?
	Then you're screwed.
	I think we may have to retire Printy.
	I think he needs more friends.
	I think this whole studio could be a bunch of friends of inanimate nature.
	Alright, let's take some calls and read some letters and change the background.
	I'm sick of seeing Megyn Kelly's face for hours and hours and hours.
	Thanks for calling.
	on the air.
	- Um, you're gonna have a conversation.
	- This is a fucking loser. - You want me to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	- Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It was great hearing from you.
	Bye bye.
	- All right, next call.
	Thanks for calling. - Yeah.
	Yeah?
	Thanks for calling.
	We've already got four people online.
	Sylvia, do you ever get anyone, like, come up to you on the street and go, holy shit, you're Sylvia.
	Oh yeah, people for some odd reason never forget me.
	I don't know why.
	But I meant because of this show.
	Oh, the show?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I've had a couple of them come over to me.
	What do they say?
	They say they like the show because All of us come out with whatever we think spontaneously.
	It's not rehearsed.
	You sound like you're lying right now.
	It's not practiced.
	We just, we just let it flow.
	This doesn't sound true.
	It doesn't sound what?
	It sounds very rehearsed!
	It sounds a little too perfect.
	Nothing's perfect.
	Everything's perfect.
	Like a typical one, I got one last night, was like, hey man, I just want to say I don't agree with everything you say, but I respect that you speak your mind, blah blah blah.
	I get that a hundred times.
	And then I would say to those guys, they said they like it because it's down-to-earth and genuine.
	Okay.
	There's no political agenda Well, yeah, there is actually.
	That's the whole point.
	There couldn't be more of a political agenda.
	Jesus Christ!
	Damn.
	Okay, we got a letter here.
	This guy says, Tarrio, who was technically the chairman of the Proud Boys after I stepped down, and then he's since relinquished that title.
	He was arrested on January 5th for having a magazine as a felon, which you shouldn't have.
	I don't mean... High-capacity ammunition feeding device.
	Yeah.
	And anyone who knows any felons like Matty O'Dell, they're real fucking careful about making sure their knife isn't more than three inches.
	They don't have this.
	They don't have that.
	They don't go to the firing range.
	They don't do this.
	They're very, very careful because they know one fuck up is, I don't know, five years, how it works.
	What if you got caught with a switchblade?
	I'd be a felon in possession of a weapon.
	It'd be either a D or C felony, depending on how they wanted to charge me.
	I think you're being offered a beer there, Matty.
	What do you think you would get?
	Yeah, I'd like one.
	I'd be probably charged as an armed career criminal.
	So it'd be a third weapon offense.
	What do you think your sentence would be?
	It would start at 15 years.
	No fucking way.
	Yeah.
	Oh yeah.
	So if you got caught with a switchblade, thanks, you'd be looking at 15 years.
	Well, in the state system, they can only go back 10 years and use only 10 years of my criminal history behind me.
	In the feds, they go back 15.
	What does that mean?
	I'm talking about if you got caught today.
	Today?
	Well, my two other felon, like, uh, weapons possessions are over 15 years old.
	2004.
	Okay, you're speaking Chinese to me.
	What?
	You get caught with a switchblade, how long do you go to prison for?
	I'd say in New York State probably three to nine years.
	In the feds maybe 15.
	So obviously with a sword of Damocles like that hanging over your head you're not gonna pack a magazine to go to DC during a major rally that where the last couple rallies you were fucking stabbed.
	So shit's gone down October, November, December.
	Major shit.
	I think Tarja was either stabbed or with people who were stabbed.
	Proud Boys were definitely stabbed.
	October, November, December.
	And the girl was stabbed.
	And the girl was stabbed in December.
	Beverly Beattie.
	What's... I always forget her name.
	Bevelyn Beattie.
	Bevelyn Beattie.
	She was stabbed and then in the hospital she got an infection.
	She almost died.
	And they were preventing black kids who were out hunting white people.
	It's unfathomable that that would ever make it to any newspaper, but it's the truth.
	Black thugs in DC go- Fucking shut the fuck up!
	Okay!
	Go white hunting, and Tario and Noble Beard, who since turned into a snitch, and Bevelyn Beattie prevented some old white dude from getting murdered for fun.
	Everything they accuse cops of doing actually happens with fatherless youths, we'll call them.
	You know what I call them?
	What?
	Eye mouth?
	I'm not even gonna go there.
	It's okay.
	You're blacker than them.
	So that's all very suspicious.
	I'm not a fan of Tarjo.
	Obviously.
	But we just got a letter here it says Tarjo blames Trump for January 6th.
	That's the way to go that I've been seeing which is like I think that's working for them.
	I'm not saying that I like that, but that's what they want.
	They want everybody to turn on Trump to be like, OK, they were deceived so they can get their Trump.
	Well, I got to say, as a potential pussy, if I hadn't seen my kids in two years and I've been rotting in D.C.
	jails, which are some of the shittiest jails in the country, it's pretty tempting, especially because Trump's not going to go to jail.
	Yeah.
	The sad truth is he didn't stand up for the guys as much as he ought to have or could have.
	So do you promise to hate Trump?
	Yeah?
	No.
	You could still love him in your heart.
	Yeah, but he wasn't even in the district.
	I know, but he's facing charges.
	They're acting like he was a planner.
	Well, it's a conspiracy.
	I want to know.
	Because they had that videotaped of him with the Oath Keepers.
	It's so naive, too, of these journalists to go, well, the head of the Proud Boys is blaming Trump.
	Yeah, he has a fucking gun to his head.
	Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio's lawyer blames Trump for January 6th, says the ex-president unleashed this mob on the Capitol.
	Well, the other problem with that, too, is I'm sitting here saying I could almost understand if you they say, like, you'll see your family again, but he's also Affecting the sentences of the other guys.
	Ethan Nordean, Joe Biggs, Zach Reel.
	So this is not happening in a vacuum.
	Trump told these people that the election was stolen.
	He implied that, and it was stolen.
	Trump told them to go there on January 6th, yeah, to legally protest.
	Attorney Sabino Jarigui told jurors in Federal District Court in Washington, D.C.
	during his opening statement, and it was Trump, with his speech on January 6th, that unleashed this mob on the Capitol!
	The Justice Department has charged Terry with seditious conspiracy, alleging that under his leadership, members of the Proud Boys stormed the Capitol on January 6th to stop Congress from certifying then-president-elect Joe Biden's victory.
	Terry was on trial along with four other Proud Boys members, Ethan Nordin, Joseph Biggs, Zachary Real, and Dominic Pozzola, each of whom included not guilty.
	Okay, that's a fun story.
	Alright, I want to ask this state police.
	What do you think in Great Britain where the police don't carry a gun?
	I think the police should carry balloons.
	No, first let's hear from the cop over here.
	Should carry what?
	Balloons?
	Balloons!
	Dude, Neil, you take a balloon when someone is acting crazy and you ram them in the face, it disorients them.
	Where do you get a balloon from?
	The state has.
	State certified balloons.
	There's state trooper balloons, there's NYPD balloons.
	You have like a huge Santa bag in the back seat of them, and you come out and you go, I want this to go smoothly, I want you to comply, but if you don't... And what's in the balloon?
	Air.
	Air?
	I know that.
	Helium.
	Helium.
	Helium?
	Named after the Greek god Helios.
	Helium, you're talking.
	What do you want them to have, Sylvia?
	No guns?
	Like Britain?
	Where perps just randomly beat up cops on a regular... I don't know what the fuck about Great Britain.
	You know what perps do in Britain to cops?
	They walk away.
	They shove them.
	They just say no.
	I couldn't care less about Great Britain.
	We settled that 240 some years ago.
	Fuck them.
	Yeah, but we have more crime here.
	Ah, fuck that.
	Do you want cops to have no guns?
	I think they need guns in this country, definitely.
	Oh, okay.
	I didn't understand your question then.
	I think parents of children, when the children are disturbed, The parents should not have any type of weapons in their home.
	Okay?
	It isn't just a six-year-old.
	There's been other children.
	There was one case... Adam Lance is a good example of that.
	She had a son, okay, I think in his late teens or early twenties.
	She could never hug him, he didn't like to be touched affectionately.
	It was just a mother there, no father, no father figure.
	And she took him hunting so they'd bond.
	And he went ahead and killed behind it.
	How do you align those?
	But how do you legislate that?
	Who is that?
	Yeah, which one was that?
	Those are anomalies.
	Was that Lanza?
	Did Lanza go hunting?
	Like Lanza would take his furniture out of his room and he'd just have a carpet for a day and then he would put his furniture back in his room and she gave him access to guns.
	That's obviously, as a parent, you go, well, you're a retarded bitch, you should have known something was going on.
	But, as a legislator, what do I say?
	If your son is acting weird, you can't have guns.
	How do I define weird?
	Well, you gotta... You know if this... if your son isn't right.
	I know.
	But I'm talking about the love.
	You know what all these fucking kids that went on these mass shootings have in common?
	They're all fucked up on all these psychotropic drugs.
	Exactly.
	Yeah.
	Some of them, not all of them.
	They all are.
	The Colorado shooter, Adelaide... Dude, the fucking mug shots, they're all like this.
	They're all fucking zombies.
	What do you think about the one in Idaho?
	That fucking... That guy too, I'd love to know what he's on.
	No, he's on craziness.
	You can see it in his eyes.
	That's what I'm saying.
	He's on something.
	He's criminally insane.
	He's not on any drugs.
	She gave her professional opinion.
	Yes, she did.
	Thank you, George.
	Let's start taking calls.
	We have any calls and let's put the super chat up.
	All right so far We have no new ones here, but maybe I should walk everybody through the process So you go to the desktop site, and you see this banner here watch live and then right below Oh No Oh, I have to call our tech guy and have him put the button back.
	Maybe that's why there's no new ones.
	Interesting.
	There is no new ones, you're correct.
	So we'll get that figured out and we'll let you know when it does get fixed.
	I think we have risks too of like raising money for Proud Boys.
	There's all kinds of IRS problems that we're facing so maybe they shut it down.
	I'm just getting a message Lisa Marie Presley died.
	Did she die?
	I thought she... oh wow.
	Last I heard she went to the hospital.
	She died of a heart attack at 54.
	Holy shit.
	Hey people my age, don't do coke.
	Sorry, that ship has sailed.
	I always thought it would be... I always thought it would be to be...
	Fuck you, Bill.
	I always thought it would be to be with her.
	Since whenever you'd fuck her... So, I guess you're trying to say I always thought it'd be cool to be with her?
	Since whenever you'd fuck her, it's just like you're fucking Elvis himself.
	Yeah, I'd love to fuck Elvis.
	That's what I think when I see Elvis Presley.
	That's my first thought.
	You must be great in bed, Elvis Presley.
	Uh, no girl should ever look too much like her dad.
	This was the best one I could find of her.
	And based on this, at her hottest, I'd rate her three at most.
	What about you?
	She was super hot.
	That's my type.
	They say that, uh, Elvis was, uh, one of these Appalachian fucking Indian dudes.
	Where they're like, they were, they were like Native Americans who had blonde hair and blue eyes.
	It's some weird race.
	He had black hair.
	That's bullshit.
	- That's bullshit. - That's a good point.
	But he was, I think he was an Indian with blue eyes.
	So you know how I love the squaws. - You've been drinking too much Budweiser, Gavin. - That's not possible.
	It's literally not possible.
	We call him he who is all shook up.
	It would take 24 hours to drink.
	It would take 24 hours to drink 24 beers.
	He who wants not you to step on his blue suede shoes.
	I'm still thinking of more, but I guess that'll just stop.
	Well, thanks for the update.
	We have somebody on the line.
	54, huh?
	If they can hear our black ass or not.
	Let's see.
	You are on the line and your number is 914.
	914, you're on the line!
	What's going on, everybody?
	Hey.
	Hey, man.
	You could have a question for Felon Matty, Troopers Tim and Neil, or Ex-Model Sylvia.
	Or me.
	Or Loser Piece of Shit Ryan, or Greatest of All Time Gavin.
	Or Printy.
	Or Printy, actually.
	Printy who talks out of his eye holes.
	Don't judge.
	Well, my question is kind of for Ryan.
	Ryan, do you have the technology to put Tommy Lee Jones on everyone's face and do a Joker face?
	Is that possible?
	Oh, to do a Joker face as Tommy Lee Jones?
	Yeah, to have everybody do it.
	Gavin, you, Matty, the whole studio.
	But with the Tommy Lee Jones face?
	So six of us have to become Tommy Lee Jones and then do an Indian Joker face?
	Yeah, I might have to practice that.
	Would you also like us to juggle tangerines with our dicks?
	I mean, yeah, who's gonna say no to that?
	Who are you, the fucking Little Lord Fauntleroy?
	You just send out commands?
	Listen Slick, I'm not letting my face anybody out.
	Thanks for calling.
	That's a fun idea.
	Hey man, could everyone on the show eat a spider?
	Like not something small too, like fair sized.
	African cave drilling.
	Yeah, like the size of a remote.
	That's a big spider, man.
	The size of like a coconut sun.
	Eat a daddy long everything?
	Not like, or maybe you could take the venom glands out of black widows and eat those.
	I don't know how it works, right?
	But just see what you can do.
	And then do a Joker face.
	Go to the fucking Python pet store and eat some frozen mice.
	Can you do that?
	And yet again, the Joker face is exhausting.
	We can't have Gavin fucking doing that every show.
	I'm not doing the Joker face.
	It takes so much energy out of it.
	You have no one.
	See? - Can't do it.
	Hang up on him.
	I said thank you for calling.
	Oh, he's gone.
	But there's a new guy.
	I hear giggling in the background.
	206.
	Don't find our show funny, sir.
	How dare you.
	206, we're not gonna nix.
	That's good.
	Go ahead, 206.
	Hey, Gavin.
	Uhuru.
	Uhuru.
	Hey, so I got a question for everyone.
	So, middle-aged women that, like, leave their husbands just kind of get bored of marriage and That's actually a really good question.
	I've got a lot of theories about this.
	I can't quite figure it out.
	Women hit menopause.
	Their libido goes down.
	the wrist like they're just doing it for attention that's actually a really good question i've got a lot of theories about this i can't quite figure it out uh women hit menopause their libido goes down our libido by the way it's fucking beeline um Um, I think another thing that happens with middle aged woman is their dad dies and they get 300 grand or three million dollars.
	And they're like, why am I lying under this dude when I could be having lunch with my fag friends in Montana and then going to Paris?
	Nice.
	The kids are all in college, so they're not really worried about the family unit anymore.
	Empty nester.
	And then also, women get older, they get fatter, they get uglier, maybe the guy's less horny, he starts beating off the porn, maybe he's not paying attention to her.
	her because I don't 70% of divorces are initiated by the woman but 90% of divorces are mutual so I think that that woman thing is misleading I think that, um, a lot of the times a woman is just like, well, you don't like me either.
	So fuck you.
	You just, you watch your golf.
	You go to the pub with your friends.
	I never see you.
	So you don't like me.
	I want a divorce.
	So I'm not divorced.
	I know a lot of divorced people, but I don't know.
	Let's go through.
	Sylvia has been divorced nine times.
	Eight.
	I'm still married to number nine.
	But you can't legally see him, correct?
	Correct.
	Okay, that sounds pretty divorce-y.
	And is it true that it's the police who said you can't see him in a sense?
	I mean, you have a restraining... Correct.
	Because he would treat you like a punching bag?
	At times.
	Not all the time.
	No, not all the time.
	I stayed with him a lot of years because I felt his good points outweighed his bad and I hoped he would He would control his Latino temper but that didn't happen.
	My understanding is that you're, well it's true, I've been to domestic court for a friend and it was two hours long.
	The first hour was in fucking Spanish and there was no blacks, no anyone there but Spicks.
	Like a Bad Bunny concert.
	It was literally a Bad Bunny concert.
	Okay, so by the way, are you mad at the goddamn pigs who won't let you be near your husband?
	Kind of.
	But he beat the shit out of you!
	I still love him.
	It kind of, you know, it's like, it's like that guy you were talking about earlier who killed those four Mexicans because he loaned them 250 grand and they didn't use it for coke.
	Part of me as a taxpayer is like, yeah, you know what?
	I don't want the state getting involved.
	Like, you guys signed up for something, you bought a quarter mil, you got buried.
	And then with Sylvia, I'm like, maybe you shouldn't have gone over there.
	She doesn't seem to want your help.
	That's all domestic cases.
	Tony's good points outweigh his bad, but he's changed.
	He's gotten worse, so.
	He's changed.
	He's gotten worse.
	What are some of his good points?
	Anything?
	He looked to protect me against everybody and everything.
	From everything but his own fists.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Nobody's going to want to beat up a beaten up person.
	When I got sick physically, he waited on me hand and foot.
	He still went to work.
	He did the laundry, the cooking, the shopping.
	Hand and foot.
	He was good to my grandchildren financially.
	He was good to me financially.
	Hey, guys lose their temper sometimes.
	Okay, this is an interesting look into the female psyche.
	You also told me once, Sylvia, that you ruined all your marriages because of your love of cock.
	Oh.
	No, where'd you get that fucked up idea?
	I'm just... You!
	How old are you?
	79.
	Are you still sexually active?
	None of your motherfucking business.
	I thought I'd ask!
	I thought I'd tell you.
	Because you're still married, so I'm just wondering how that works out.
	I'm not with him because the court said he can't be near me.
	He's a danger to my life, okay?
	That's how it worked out.
	Okay, that sounds like a Disney fairy tale.
	But in God's eyes, I'm still married.
	I don't go ahead and have sex with anybody.
	Okay, you're still gonna listen, caller.
	We're gonna say thanks for calling because I don't want to hear you crackling and whatever in the background.
	That's stupid.
	But please keep listening.
	So Tim, let's go through them one by one.
	What do you think?
	is behind this sort of middle-aged woman divorce.
	You're still married, right?
	I am.
	But you've had rocky times.
	There's ups and downs.
	I always say to people, you can have a bad year, like it doesn't have to be, it feels like it's over when you guys are going through a rough time.
	And then you look back on it months later and you go, wow, that was, I don't even know those two.
	Okay.
	You look like A.I.
	me.
	Yeah, for real.
	I've been taking your advice so lately with, like, finding something to do that you're both interested in.
	Because we're not really interested.
	Our kids are gone.
	Well, they're in college, so we're together.
	We're together.
	No peepee here.
	Check, check, one, two.
	Okay, we got, we're back.
	I think we're back now.
	So, I see no audio on this.
	Wait, wait, just give it a second.
	Just give it a second, give it a second.
	And I see me checking my phone, but with no audio.
	Give it a second.
	Neil's brother says no audio.
	Yeah, no audio.
	Check, check, one, two.
	Brian from Kansas says no audio.
	Yeah, I'm watching it right now.
	Check, check, one, two.
	It should be back.
	We're back.
	Okay.
	Brian from Kansas, do we have audio?
	Sorry about that.
	I take full responsibility.
	What did you do wrong?
	I turned off the audio?
	Yeah, I added my phone as a video source so I could do that Trump face, but I did it under the wrong channel which apparently has to sync to our audio or something, I don't know.
	So I'll just use a different channel.
	All right, let's go through the the motions here.
	So we got Tim.
	Tim says, yes, there are rocky times.
	You got to do shit.
	I've been trying to push this.
	Let's have a date night.
	She doesn't want to do once a week.
	OK, once every two weeks.
	And I told you how this came out.
	I go, the fucking Rob and his wife, they go out every Saturday night.
	And she goes, yeah.
	I go, well, we should do that.
	Why don't we do that?
	And she goes, because I'm a lazy bitch.
	It's like, again, touche, Blobs.
	Like, I don't know how to win that argument.
	Well, stop being a lazy bitch.
	What about you, Neil?
	Are you still married?
	I am.
	How long?
	17 years.
	Oh that's pretty good.
	I had a practice wife though.
	So this is your second marriage?
	Correct.
	So how did the first marriage fall apart?
	I was married in the army when I was in the military.
	That doesn't count.
	Yeah.
	I hear there's a lot of cheating going on with the wives.
	I did experience that.
	It was four years.
	They kind of Normalize it like, you know, it's the thing to do you get more money and all that shit So you're young and stupid and you just what you get more money if you cheat.
	No, you're if you're married in the military Oh, so you marry someone like quickly without thinking.
	Yeah You're young and stupid and whatever.
	So what's the secret to your new marriage?
	How have you preserved that?
	Oh It's all good, man.
	Like I said, I had a practice wife.
	It's all good.
	We get along great.
	Wife's awesome.
	Why is it a secret?
	It's wife's awesome.
	I would fight with my wife all the time.
	We do lunch dates, and I would say to her, where do you want to eat?
	She doesn't want to pick it.
	They never know.
	I learned that later.
	No, here's the secret.
	You say, hey babe, guess where we're going to eat?
	And she says, Cosmos.
	And you're like, absolutely, we're going to Cosmos.
	Or whatever.
	You do better than Cosmos, right?
	Yeah, exactly, wherever she guesses.
	Yeah.
	They want to be told.
	But you're contradicting each other.
	Neil's saying they want to pick the place and when they pick it, say yes.
	And you're saying pick the place, they don't want to pick it.
	No, but they think you picked it.
	You get it?
	In his scenario.
	Hey babe, guess where we're going to lunch today.
	She just happened to guess correctly.
	But you're really going to where she wants to go.
	Wherever she wants to go.
	Yep, that's right.
	That's where we're going.
	But I'm saying it works either way.
	You can just tell her we're going to go here.
	And they're happy.
	They don't want to think about it.
	Cosmos has a pizza oven.
	They want the man to be the man.
	What'd he say?
	Have you seen Cosmos?
	They got a pizza oven.
	Have you seen it?
	Yes.
	They give it to you hot and fresh.
	The owner of Cosmos, Gabrizzi, was murdered.
	Really?
	Oh my god.
	We locked up the perp on that one.
	Wow.
	Yep, I responded to that too.
	You caught the guy who killed the owner of Cosmos?
	That's fucked.
	Who killed the owner of Cosmos.
	Holy shit.
	DeBrizzi.
	Dennis Sweeney was his name.
	Cosmo DeBrizzi was the owner of Cosmos.
	Wow.
	I don't know what Cosmos is.
	It's an Italian restaurant chain.
	There's four or five of them up in Orange County.
	Delicious.
	What?
	Oh, it's delicious.
	It is.
	It's like good Olive Garden, right?
	We love the Olive Garden, but frankly, this one's like a little better.
	Why are you laughing?
	You didn't think I could get Donald Trump on the show?
	He gets on the show all the time.
	I come here all the time.
	He's a huge fan.
	I'm a huge fan.
	Never seen the stash.
	He's working that in.
	Well, he's not president anymore, so he doesn't have to shave every single day.
	And he is part Mexican.
	It's Mike Gomez Adams, right?
	No one knows that.
	Okay, so Neil's advice is comply.
	No, I wouldn't say comply.
	Well, I don't fight with my wife anymore, unless it's a doozy.
	And even then, it's like, it takes a lot.
	Because little shit, you're just like, I'm just going to take this on the chin.
	How long you been married?
	I've known her for 23 years but we've been married for like 15.
	So you gotta figure it out.
	Yeah.
	Don't argue.
	Now, if your wife's a fucking drunk, or she's like forgetting to pick up the kids, like there's obviously when women are fucking falling off the rails, you gotta be like, psh psh psh psh, get your shit together.
	Sure.
	But as far as like silly mistakes, like reversing while the garage door was still closed, like why, why make that a fight?
	It's not a pattern.
	I know.
	It's not worth it.
	Alright, now let's get to Matty.
	Matty Odell.
	I was married once.
	What happened to your marriage?
	Well, we grew apart.
	I got married, I was... What was I?
	22?
	She was 19.
	I was married from 94 to 2001.
	How old was your boy at the time?
	No, he was born after.
	He was born in 95.
	Right, right.
	How old was your boy when you got divorced?
	Oh, 2001, he was 6.
	So what was the catalyst?
	Were you bikering too much?
	Like in Chuck Zito's book, what's it called?
	Street Rules or something?
	He goes, I spent too much time with the Hells Angels.
	I didn't spend enough time with my family and I let my family fall apart.
	I didn't do that until around 2000.
	I was separated a couple of years before my divorce was final.
	So we weren't living together.
	Okay.
	Were you a Hells Angel then?
	No, no, no.
	Oh, shit.
	That happened after.
	Yeah.
	So when did you join the Hells Angels?
	At what age?
	I started hanging around with them in 2000.
	How old were you?
	In 2000?
	23 years from 50, so 27.
	And you got divorced, separated at what age?
	I was probably married four years and then I was separated three.
	Took three years to get divorced.
	Dude, this is a thing black people do.
	You ask a question and you never get the fucking correct answer.
	Okay, I was married, I was, we were together.
	What age did you start getting involved with the Hells Angels?
	I told you, 27.
	And what age did you get separated from your wife? - 24. Or 25.
	Oh shit.
	So it was the Hells Angels was not a cause.
	No.
	Were you getting up to some dangerous shenanigans?
	Any crimes?
	I've been a criminal my entire life.
	My criminal history goes back as an adult back to 1988.
	At least he's honest.
	Was that a factor?
	Well, you know, she knew who she married.
	Right, so she liked the bad boy.
	I guess.
	Okay, so it sounds to me like crime has nothing to do with this.
	No.
	Absolutely nothing.
	She wasn't, she wasn't happy when the cops would come knock on the door and be like, he's mad here.
	You know, that didn't go over well.
	Right.
	Fart in church, but you know, what are you gonna do?
	But, no, we just, I mean, you know, she was fucking 19 years old when we got married.
	She got, she had my kid, I think she just turned 21.
	I know, but I've heard people say that's actually good, because when you get married young, you grow together.
	She's a die-hard lefty now.
	So you're like, now we're playing paddleboard, now we're watching The Sopranos, now we like fucking burritos on Thursdays.
	I mean, we get along great now.
	Quiz night at this, like, bar.
	Right.
	The reason we, I would say what it was is we were too much A-type personalities.
	Oh yeah, I've heard you say that before.
	She wouldn't just let things lie because she was... She was an alpha female.
	Yeah, and she would be like... She would challenge and not back down.
	With my parents, I think that worked out in their favor.
	My mom's a cunt and my dad's an asshole.
	So what does that make you, Gavin?
	An asshole cunt.
	A genius.
	A boy genius.
	I guess a faggot, right?
	Fags are assholes or cunts.
	but they she needed he needed her to reign him in and she needed him to like abuse her not abuse her but like i don't know they're like x-men where my my mom is like the kind of woman where she touches you and then you burn because she's made of flames My dad is like the guy with the laser eyes who kills you every time he looks at you.
	So they needed each other because no one else could handle their fucking... Very hypnotic.
	I'll never forget I was, I was visiting them and I, I heard, I think I heard him mumble like, why the fuck did I marry you?
	And then I hear like, and I hear, why the fuck did you marry me?
	Why the fuck did I marry you?
	Better question!
	Shit is cooking down south.
	We got there on the grill.
	So I came downstairs like ready to like, I don't know, deflect plates.
	And then my mom was like, you fancy a cuppa?
	Eh.
	I was like, my mother, she used to get mad and she'd be like, I should have kept my fucking legs crossed.
	Like, thanks mom!
	Thanks a lot.
	She once said to me, she goes, I love you, but I don't like you.
	Yeah.
	They don't have to like you, they just gotta love you.
	We got plenty of calls.
	All right, let's take some calls.
	No Soup Chat, sorry.
	Soup Chat is off tonight.
	Let's see.
	The IRS may have shut it down.
	510, you're on the Lero.
	Go ahead, 510.
	Hey, how's it?
	I have a question.
	I was watching SimCast the other night, and they were talking about Andrew Tate or something, and the topic of positive male role models came up, and nobody could think of one.
	Who's a content creator, I mean?
	And I was looking in the chat, and nobody had any suggestions at all, and I was just wondering, you were the only one, actually, who came to mind for me.
	Do you consider yourself a positive role model?
	Yeah, dude, I'm the GOAT.
	You might be the only one.
	No, there's tons.
	Really?
	But I want to make something clear with Andrew Tate.
	I love that he is supporting masculinity.
	He's defending young men.
	I have a real fucking problem with the fact that he used Ukrainian hot chicks to eviscerate, bankrupt and abuse mentally ill, lonely men.
	That's not very empowering, it's highly immoral.
	I have a lot of trouble getting over it.
	What you do, you get a water, and you tell them that she's gonna call you back, and then they send flowers, and then you get another guy on the phone, and then he says that you're gonna be together tomorrow, but then you say it was too expensive, and you get another million dollars.
	Like, that pisses me off.
	I heard he's in critical condition.
	Oh really?
	Yeah.
	I heard about him getting arrested twice or some shit.
	Let's look that up.
	He's in jail.
	That's a very shitty thing about a guy and it's hard to reconcile but outside of that I think he's a huge asset to Western civilization and the fact that he's defending men.
	Paul Joseph Watson had a big, a great video recently about what an asset Andrew Tate is and how no one else is defending these young men and these kids, young men are Relentlessly getting abused in school.
	And when I say abused, I mean telling they suck.
	Paul Joseph Watson had a video where it was in Britain, it was in London, and they went, what are women good for?
	And they were like, everything, they rock, they're amazing.
	And then they did, what are men good for?
	No one had anything positive to say.
	Nothing was the most common response.
	But even men, like white men were like, It was like the most controversial thing you could say.
	It was like they had said, does white power ever have a justification?
	Which would be a much more controversial and interesting thing to say.
	But they couldn't answer.
	So Andrew Tate represents An opposition to that.
	But the fucking taking advantage of incels, it pisses me off.
	But as far as positive male role models, Dana White, Joe Rogan, Ben Shapiro, Michael Knowles, Dan Bongino.
	I mean, it goes on and on and on.
	Jordan Peterson.
	Jesse Lee Peterson.
	Tommy Jones.
	Milo Yiannopoulos.
	I don't know about Tommy Lee Jones.
	Maybe.
	Oh, I am a role model.
	Yeah, that's fair.
	I just thought that all of these guys have sort of skeletons in their closet, some of them, or their families are dysfunctional or something like that.
	Or, you know, there's something in their past that discounts them.
	People get divorced.
	Donald Trump is on, what, his third marriage or something?
	But he's a good dad.
	I mean shit gets fucked up.
	People get divorced.
	That doesn't mean they're not good role models for men.
	A good role model for a man represents masculinity.
	Masculinity is worrying about your kids, standing by your kids, having mobility and grit and honor.
	The biggest thing about being a man is being a handshake guy.
	And having hills to die on.
	What those hills are, are open to debate, but like, you gotta rat on Matty and send him to jail, even though he didn't do anything wrong.
	That's a hill to die on, you should go to jail for five years to avoid that.
	Like Nick Oaks, Nick Oaks, sorry.
	Nick Oaks could shit on the Proud Boys and say they were planning January 6th, he could lie, And he wouldn't do any jail time.
	He just got four years and he's a real man.
	Because they didn't have a plan for January 6th and the way he put it to us was I could have lied and said Proud Boys had a plan and I wouldn't have done any jail time and I could have got money too.
	Like I think Noble Beard got 50 grand.
	That's a rumor I heard.
	And he said, but then I would be, for the rest of my life, I'd be walking around feeling like a piece of shit.
	If doing something immoral like that makes you feel like a piece of shit, you're a real man.
	And I think there's plenty of those guys around.
	Plenty of them.
	We showcase them on this show.
	Thanks for calling.
	We got to hang up on these guys earlier.
	They're still listening.
	I just, we don't need to hear like, huh, huh.
	608.
	Turn with the frog.
	608.
	You're on the late.
	Oh God.
	Is there a fight going on?
	- No, they're listening to the show in the background.
	- You guys better not be having a domestic situation.
	You are on the line. - Wouldn't it be great if a caller forgot they were on hold and that we heard a fight?
	- That would be cool.
	I was listening to your show with Ant yesterday, and that graph that you showed about the weight increase.
	Yeah?
	I could be wrong, but wasn't high fructose corn syrup introduced to the market in 1970, and there was a huge weight increase from that?
	Wait, one more time.
	Wasn't what introduced in 1970?
	High fructose corn syrup.
	High fructose corn syrup.
	Oh yeah, didn't you call into the show to make this point yesterday?
	I think I did, but I didn't get through.
	I misremembered.
	I saw you on the waiting board.
	I couldn't remember.
	I misremembered.
	Interesting.
	Alright, that's all I got.
	Alright, thanks for calling.
	Yeah, it might be high fructose corn syrup.
	And then TV dinners and women starting to work.
	That was around the same time, right?
	But like shitty food, you know, it's been available for a long time.
	Not generationally like that.
	We indulged in it in the 80s.
	Yeah, Hungry Man TV dinners.
	Maybe it was Tucker Carlson's wife there, the fucking Swansons.
	Yeah, well here's the thing is, in a supermarket you shop that whole outside, the perimeter.
	Don't go in the aisles, that's all processed crap.
	That's where all the seed oils are and all that stuff.
	All the real food, all the...
	Real food, produce, meats, dairy are all in every supermarket.
	All the outside ring of the supermarket.
	Anything in the aisles, no good.
	He's right.
	I stay to the outside perimeter.
	It's the shape of an O because after you're done, you say, Oh God, that was a good decision.
	Next call.
	We got 419 on the line.
	419.
	419.
	Giddy up 419.
	- What's up on the line? - 419. - 419. - Hey guys. - Go ahead. - Hi girl. - Hey, what's up?
	Not much.
	What's going on?
	We're doing a live show in the Bronx.
	That's fantastic.
	That's why I'm calling.
	So I called a couple months back and I had spoken with you.
	I'd asked a question about Trump.
	It's totally unrelated.
	But at the end of that call, you had asked if, you know, if I was married, if I had any kids.
	And, you know, I really got my husband and I thinking, and long story short, I took a pregnancy test today and it turns out I'm pregnant!
	Congratulations!
	Wow!
	Way to go!
	You go girl!
	How the fuck did that happen?
	My husband is very excited and my question for you guys is how long do you recommend waiting before we start telling people?
	I've never had pregnancies or kids or anything like that before so it's totally new to us And our first instinct is to like, you know get super excited to tell everybody but I understand that that's not necessarily Yeah, you gotta wait for the retard test I think it's like a month or two.
	the retard test happen.
	Shit.
	I think it's like a month or two.
	When they go through the belly button?
	First trimester.
	No.
	Wait, first trimester.
	First trimester.
	Everything's going along well.
	Yeah.
	And you're probably pro-life if you watch this show, but they measure the width of the spinal cord and if it's too wide, they go, this is probably going to be retarded.
	I don't know how accurate it is.
	I've heard people ignore that test and do just fine, but a lot of people abort the baby when they know it's going to be a tard.
	And then there's also cranial dysphlesia and all kinds of other major problems, but you got to, I think the doula and the whatever you say.
	Yeah, that's not going to happen.
	Yeah, dude, you're making all of them.
	You're scaring her now.
	I'm sorry.
	Shit, I didn't even think of that.
	Let me reintroduce this.
	There's like a one in a billion chance there's a problem in the first trimester.
	You're good.
	How old are you?
	I'm 31.
	Yeah, you're good, you're good.
	But you have to allow for the one in a million chance that there's going to be an issue, because then you have to call everyone up and be like, yeah, that's not going as planned.
	Start popping some balloons, right?
	Even if there was something wrong, we would still want to keep it.
	We're Christian and we're really polite.
	Okay, but then there's other, and this I feel bad, now Tim is making me self-conscious, but there are like one in a billion things where you're not keeping it.
	Like the thing where they have no brain and that kind of stuff.
	That won't happen.
	Or if it's a Democrat.
	Without saying all that, it could be like seven, I think it's seven weeks.
	You've got to go at that point.
	Seven weeks.
	Okay.
	Seven weeks.
	Wait seven weeks, because pregnancy is 40 weeks.
	Right.
	Yeah, the seven weeks rule, right?
	There's like a rule.
	The custom, at least up here in New York, and I'm sure in a lot of parts of the country, is when you're pregnant, you go up to your friends who are childless or unmarried, and you go, I'm pregnant, bitch!
	Did I just crack your dog up?
	We do dog humor on the show.
	Your dog's funny, man.
	That's advanced.
	Yeah, I'm sorry to even bring that up.
	That's stupid.
	- Special needs dogs, we'll put it that way.
	- Window lickers, pit bulls. - Hopefully not special needs kids, but I guess we should, we'll try to tone it down.
	- Yeah, I'm sorry to even bring that up.
	That's stupid.
	That's like, I won the lottery and I'm like, well, you have to pay a lot of taxes.
	It's actually kind of a bummer.
	I'm sorry to bring up the negative, but you, you kind of asked me.
	So yeah, there is this, there's a horrific worst case scenario.
	And I forgot what the number was, but Ryan, you say seven, seven, eight weeks.
	Wait.
	Yeah.
	Seven, eight weeks.
	First trimester, right?
	And then once it comes out, if it's a girl, try to keep your head up, try to stay positive.
	You know, you can you can you'll get another kick at the can.
	Take a double shot of vodka.
	I mean, hey, man, this is all happened really fast.
	I talked to you guys maybe back.
	Yeah, I know it happened fast.
	I met your husband.
	I'm surprised it happened in more than 30 seconds.
	Oh, my God.
	Well, yeah, well, thank you.
	Thanks for the advice.
	I appreciate it.
	You want to print an invitation?
	Yeah, congratulations.
	Thanks for calling.
	We got when we were shooting that episode of.
	Things are going great.
	Our new show, our new advice column.
	I'm doing great.
	We shoot out in Nashville.
	This guy's like, yeah, I'm with my wife here.
	We're trying to have kids.
	Like, we fuck.
	It doesn't last.
	I fuck her for like 10 minutes.
	I'm sorry.
	I kind of premature ejaculate.
	I'm like, 10 minutes?
	Damn.
	What are you, the marathon man?
	Oh.
	Are you sure that her vagina's not ripped to shreds?
	You didn't give her a UTI?
	Ten minutes?
	Don't you have places to be?
	Very funny.
	On a serious note, if you have any baby shower invitations, I know a guy.
	Yeah, no.
	What?
	Printer ink is incredibly expensive.
	I'm mad at you for printing this out.
	Yeah, I got a little crafty.
	I hate that when you see it in court and they're like, Alex Jones, is this not something you said?
	And you're like, that's 90% black ink.
	What the fuck are you doing?
	Print out the text.
	You don't need that.
	And Alex Jones himself does that.
	He prints out entire articles with all the color pictures.
	Have you ever heard of Scottish people, dude?
	What the fuck are you doing?
	Why does 50% of the ink print almost 100% of all printers?
	Alright, let's take another call.
	Uh oh, I just got a text from someone.
	That implies that we may have lost audio again.
	No, I'm looking at audio now.
	Not again.
	Right?
	Wait.
	Did it?
	Okay.
	No, that's.
	Wait.
	Check one.
	No, it's gone.
	You know another pet peeve of mine with courtrooms?
	Fucking wires everywhere.
	There's a speaker here, there's a TV, and then the wires are coming down from the TV, there's speakers going across desks.
	Someone's being sentenced to life in prison here.
	This is a big deal for them.
	It's basically a church in reverse.
	So, put the wires behind the drywall, make things fucking neat.
	This is important to people.
	Not them, it's just daily business.
	I don't like that.
	It's disrespectful to the accused.
	Yeah, but you liked the judge that was in her lingerie there sentencing people, right?
	I did, but that was Columbia.
	How about the New York judge who shit herself?
	On the bench?
	You talking about Biden again?
	She shit herself on the bench and then gave everyone shit because they couldn't get her a new chair in time.
	Sorry, chairs are not diapers.
	I can't be constantly swapping out a Huggies chair for you.
	Well, I gotta go piss.
	Alright, let's do 718.
	718, go ahead.
	Go ahead, 718.
	Speak up!
	Moving along.
	- Go ahead, go ahead. - Go ahead, go ahead. - Go ahead, 718. - Speak up. - Moving along. - 718. - 718, you son of a gun. - Who's a son of a gun?
	718.
	7-1-8.
	Say what?
	7-1-8?
	I'll put him back in the queue, and I'll take another call.
	Nobody on 7-1-8?
	We have, instead, 3-8-6.
	3-8-6!
	You're on the licks.
	Uhuru!
	Uhuru!
	Uhuru.
	What's up, Matty?
	What's going on?
	Gavin went to... Gavin went to take a piss, but... He's back.
	I'm trying to move to Greenville, South Carolina, yeah.
	Florida's where it's at?
	I'm not a reptile, dude.
	- I'm going to South Carolina.
	Is that still what he's doing? - I don't know.
	I'm trying to move to Greenville, South Carolina, yeah.
	- Well, Thomas.
	- Yeah, why could it stop in Carolina, dude?
	Florida's where it's at.
	- Florida's where it's at?
	- That's hot.
	- I'm not a reptile, dude.
	I cannot handle 100 degrees for six months.
	- No, it's nothing like that, dude.
	You got AC in your car, AC in your house, you have nothing to worry about.
	Go hang out in the pool, go hang out in the water.
	In the beach, you'll be fine.
	We aren't really outside very much, Slick.
	We are indoors.
	I just realized we didn't go behind the fucking paywall and we have 15 minutes left.
	Not even once.
	Alright, thanks for calling Wilkinson, Florida.
	We were wrapped up.
	You only get one thing.
	Are we going behind the paywall?
	No.
	Why even?
	5-7-3?
	5-7-3, go ahead!
	Hey, how's it going everybody?
	What's happening?
	573?
	There's no point.
	573, go ahead.
	Hey, how's it going, everybody?
	What's happening?
	Pretty good, guys.
	All right.
	So I was talking to some people the other day, uh, kind of a mixed group of the left and the right and everything, but we've all decided that we enjoy stereotypes because they exist for a reason.
	A hundred percent.
	So, so I wanted to ask everybody, what's your favorite stereotype?
	Because like for me, the weirdest one is that all black people like anime and I was like, eh, that can't be true.
	These two giant construction workers walk into my house to, you know, they're going to fix something, and all of a sudden, I'm sitting there, I'm watching TV with my kid, and he's like, oh, is that the new Dragon Ball?
	Man, that's awesome!
	I'm like, in the middle of rural wherever I'm at, this is, it's just, it's super fucking weird.
	It's a fact.
	So I was just wondering, do you guys have a favorite one, and why?
	Favorite stereotype?
	Favorite black?
	Uh, I guess Martin Luther King.
	It doesn't have to be black.
	No favorite stereotype.
	It is true.
	Thanks for calling.
	They all watch anime.
	They all love it.
	At my gym, I heard this black dude talking about, like, I don't know, Pokemon, Bong Bong, whatever the fuck the guy is.
	And he was like, he's a really good boxer.
	He's my age.
	And he was like, yeah, I don't know.
	I think that Bonko Bang Bang is kind of over the top sometimes.
	I think they overdo it, you know?
	I'm like, what?
	You mean like the guy who punches someone and his fists explode and everyone dies?
	Like what the fuck?
	That's stupider than wrestling.
	But in New York City, right by Times Square, if you go down to like, I don't know, 40th Street, there's this huge comic book store.
	It's two stories.
	And I go in there sometimes hoping to see, I don't know, some graphic novel that Peter Bagg put out or something.
	It's never there.
	And it is a black library.
	It's a hundred percent of the people in the comic book store are black.
	Yeah.
	And they're looking at things, and some of them have suits on, there's young and old, and it's a black library.
	They love comic books.
	Just a fact.
	My favorite stereotype is the fact that Arclesians always open up Barcluthian wormholes, and it is true.
	I have a very controversial racist thing to say for a change.
	I personally have noticed that when I compliment black people, they start getting inflated and arrogant and not violent, but like, yeah, fuck you, bitch.
	Like even with Larry once, I was like, dude, you're really good at this boxing commentary.
	I mean, I could never do anything like that.
	And you have a natural thing.
	He's like, yeah, I could outsmart all these fuckers.
	And he started getting like weirdly...
	Not violent, but tough.
	And you see this with rappers where they're told they rule, and they're awesome, and they start going, yeah, I'll fucking kill you, I'm so awesome.
	And this is just a theory, I'm sorry, I'm not taking this to the Smithsonian, but I've noticed white people are the opposite way.
	They'll deflect compliments.
	When you go, you fucking rule, you're amazing, you're like, okay, okay, all right.
	And they don't like it, they don't like compliments, they don't like being told they rule.
	Yeah.
	This is a theory.
	I'm just, it's on the chalkboard.
	Isn't that humility and being humble?
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Oh, I just thought so.
	You're the smartest person I've ever met.
	You're a fucking genius.
	Holy shit.
	How do you do it?
	Like, oh, it's not that hard.
	You just look it up and then you do some homework and then just a thing.
	I don't know.
	Don't worry about it.
	Like the Country Music Awards is a perfect example.
	It's mostly white and they always credit the person that wrote it or like produced it.
	They're like, I gotta thank, first of all, God, second of all, Liz Schramptamer, who wrote the lyrics.
	It's like you don't see that in any other word show.
	I think I've seen a BET award where the guy thanked himself.
	Snoop Dogg!
	I gotta thank D.O.
	Double Me for putting all the hard work in.
	Classic Snoopy dog dog.
	Yeah, they have an odd balance of insecurity and pride that they're wrestling with these black people sometimes.
	I want to read these two thingamadoodles.
	They're both from Chicks.
	Hey, Gavin, on your show and on episode one of I'm Doing Great, you read a letter from somebody who banged 15 fours and found somebody who he likes who has BPD.
	In both cases, you thought BPD was bipolar disorder.
	It's not.
	It's way worse.
	BPD is borderline personality disorder.
	Oh, you're right.
	Yes, you're right.
	Oops.
	Fuck.
	That's way worse.
	Yeah.
	And it is really just a collection of horrible personality traits that don't fit into any other mental disorder.
	You gave the correct advice to the reader.
	Leave her.
	Now this is a, if you haven't seen our new show, I'm doing great.
	Uh, this guy was dating a girl.
	He thought she was the one, but she's nuts.
	She went off her meds and tried to kill herself.
	And he's like, should I keep going with this?
	And we all said, uh, no.
	Run for the hills.
	Time to go, buddy.
	You're going to have a 15 month old and a custody battle is what's going to be going on.
	Um, this woman will destroy his life.
	I know firsthand.
	And if he goes to the BPD loved ones subreddit, Oh, I didn't know about this.
	It's all one word.
	BPD loved ones.
	Uh, he can peer into this horribly destroyed future that he was, uh, setting up for himself.
	If he doesn't leave this girl today.
	Now, I got another letter that said a similar thing, but it might have been from a BPD chick.
	This is again a woman.
	Hey Gav, saw you at the Vegas show, blah blah blah.
	Me and my husband have matching bald eagle tattoos.
	Nice.
	I watch your show religiously and she goes BPD is not a bipolar disorder, it's borderline personality disorder.
	Or in Britain it's known as emotionally unstable personality disorder.
	It just sounds like crazy to me.
	Or being a liberal, same thing.
	Or a narcissist.
	Just stay away.
	BPD is usually caused by severe childhood trauma and is marked by intense fears of abandonment, intense sudden mood swings, often referred to as emotional burn victims because of how sensitive they are, impulsivity, splitting and more.
	This sounds like your ex-girlfriend, Ryan.
	Whoa.
	Well, uh, yeah.
	That does sound like me.
	But a lot of, a lot of, dude, a lot of that sounded like everything because I was like, she might be a reptilian at one point.
	And I literally believed that for like two days.
	I was like, I think she's a reptilian.
	You can just say reptile.
	No, no, no, like a reptilian race.
	Okay.
	People with borderline are the most likely to commit suicide out of any mental disorder, even beating major depressive disorder because of intense depression impulsivity.
	There is no medication for borderline.
	Mood stabilizers like lithium make it worse, and only specialized therapy, DBT, can help.
	Even in the therapy mental health community, BPD is incredibly stigmatized and a lot of therapists won't even take them as clients because of how difficult they can be.
	I bet the sex is amazing though.
	Let's all identify the elephant in the room.
	The bat shit crazy comes free with the vagina.
	Wow!
	They sound like candidates for lobotomies.
	You've had ten beers and done two bumps?
	You want some BPD.
	Those with BPD can be wonderful people and mothers if they make the effort.
	I will never go away.
	No, it will never go away, but can be put in remission with a lot of hard work and determination.
	Dr. Fox on YouTube is a psychiatrist specialized in blah blah blah.
	Love you more than a friend.
	And here she ends it with, P.S.
	I don't care what anyone says, I think Ryan and his shitty puns are funny.
	That's what I'm talking about.
	That's what I think of that.
	Oh, come on.
	You shit yourself for that? - Not worth it.
	That sounds like a good name for a comedy album.
	I shit myself for that?
	For this?
	You shit yourself for that?
	You gots to wash yo ass.
	I didn't shit myself.
	You're all that, are you?
	Great song, All That.
	Rest in Peace, Jeff Beck, also.
	We mentioned that yesterday on the show, no need to get into it.
	But I didn't get to say my piece.
	I like Jeff Beck a lot.
	Really?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Listen to this cool solo.
	Was he a transgender?
	No.
	No, that's Imogen Heap.
	She's singing her bullshit, but he's about to... Oh, this is that bass prodigy with perfect tits?
	Yes.
	Yeah, dude, you're such a Puerto Rican.
	No one likes late Jeff Beck.
	Oh, they sure do.
	What do you like, late Prince, too?
	Prince and the Power Generation?
	Do you like the artist formerly known as Prince?
	Yes, I like Prince.
	You probably like late Black Sabbath.
	I like a post-Aussie Black Sabbath.
	Everybody watching likes late Gavin McGinnis.
	Hey, no, I didn't mean that.
	You have hurt me today.
	I didn't mean that, though.
	I was just kind of... No, no, what I meant was that it's late tonight.
	What is it, 12?
	No, it's only 10.
	It's 9.53.
	It's late for a lot of people, and that's what I meant, and I'm... Hey, we got Printy.
	Remember Printy?
	Hey, Gavin, cheer up.
	It's me, Printy.
	You need a copy of something?
	A scan?
	Fax?
	That's the facts, Jack.
	Get it?
	Fenty?
	Maybe a collar.
	But I, that, if you ask me, I think you get better with age and time, like wine.
	Like I get blurrier with time.
	I can't believe you don't have your hair in your face.
	Yeah, you know, cause Gavin's great advice was get the hair out of your face.
	And I said, you know what?
	Take yourself more seriously, get the hair out of your face and bam.
	So you've helped me, you know, be taken more seriously.
	It's a step in the right direction.
	It's a, it's a great step.
	So, and you know, the callers love you too.
	I mean, now catatonic, some people even say, I love you more than a friend.
	It's supposed to be like guys easy, but they love you.
	So.
	Post-Aussie Black Sabbath is awesome.
	Exactly.
	Right, Tim.
	Yes.
	Heaven and Hell?
	Heaven and Hell!
	I don't know if it goes like that, but...
	Clarence Clearwater.
	Great.
	Yeah.
	So... Sure.
	Anyway, well, uh... Alrighty, then.
	...the call.
	Jeremy is always here to pick us up.
	Okay, Jeremy.
	When we're feeling a little hurt.
	Go ahead there.
	269, you're on the... Can you hear me?
	Yeah.
	269, you're on the... You're on the air.
	What's going on, 269?
	Oh, I'm not allowed.
	Just listen to that word.
	Hey man, Gavin said, uh, he releases too much content for us to watch.
	That's a blatant lie.
	Why is that?
	Why is that?
	Because it's so good you want to watch a lot of it, I'm sure.
	What content do you watch?
	I work each night and I watched every show.
	You watch Maddie Sheetalittle Kitchen?
	What's that?
	You watch Maddie Sheetalittle Kitchen?
	You know I do.
	Alright, that's what I'm talking about.
	Biscuits and gravy.
	I'm probably having the newest one.
	But he probably likes, you like Gavin's show more though, probably.
	I mean, no offense.
	Of course, since MTV's, I mean... The flagship show.
	G-O-M-O-L.
	How can you go wrong?
	G-O-M-O-L.
	G-O-M-O-L.
	Well, I listen to you guys' show at night while I'm working, and I work eight hours a night, and I only get one show to watch a night.
	That's probably burning up maybe one, two hours.
	Well yeah, this is live.
	Yeah, you just tough up your content.
	Hey, good point.
	And you know what?
	For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny, which nobody can deny, which nobody can deny.
	You ruined it.
	I was going to go to the end of the show and then you fucking made me laugh.
	That would have been art.
	That would have been brilliant art to go to the end of the show in a Hoffman.
	In a catatonic state.
	Wander off and you had to fucking crack me up with the Jolly Good Fellow.
	We got him back.
	We're just about at the end of the show.
	That's right.
	We got about three minutes.
	What kind of faggot writes a song like he's a Jolly Good Fellow?
	That's true.
	814 probably.
	He's very gay.
	Very gay.
	814, you're on the lore.
	814.
	Hey, what's up guys?
	What's happening?
	Hey, Gavin, I emailed you guys today about Penn State is having a black racist asshole reporter from the Washington Post come here to speak.
	Yeah, I got your email.
	I read all the emails.
	He's not that controversial.
	He's just a boring fucking lib who thinks that George Floyd... The only thing he's ever written Or articles about George Floyd and reparations.
	I know!
	That's why I looked him up.
	I googled him with controversy.
	If he had said like white devils and white people need to die and we need to start a revolution, I might have an argument.
	But he's just a boring fucking lib.
	And he wrote a fucking book whose premise is that George Floyd was a piece of shit, drug addict, fucking felon asshole his whole life.
	I know, but you recognize that's a controversial opinion to think that George Floyd's a piece of shit.
	He is a piece of shit.
	Was.
	Was.
	Yeah, he's better now.
	But to say that supporting him is radical, it's just not true.
	Joe Biden supports Well, yeah, it's mainstream, but... Right, but if we're talking about a court battle, I need to have, like, real content.
	What about Hunter, Biden's charming, drug addict son?
	I don't know.
	Alright, thanks for calling.
	It's a dud.
	It's a dud.
	For He's a Jolly Good Fellow is a popular song.
	Melody originates from the French song Marlboro Has Left for the War.
	Who wrote it though?
	Marlboro has left for the war!
	That doesn't even have a ring to it.
	Oh, 615, what?
	You had a beat, Dad?
	Is this my daughter calling?
	Hey, hello!
	Yeah, sorry, sorry!
	I didn't think I would actually get in.
	Yeah!
	That's awesome.
	You're in.
	Wait, you're from Tennessee?
	So, Gavin, yes, how do you know?
	I could tell from that accent.
	Damn.
	I was just there two days ago.
	Awesome, we're north of Nashville, so in a little town called Greenbrier, Tennessee.
	Alright, I had family in Clarksville.
	Awesome, yeah, not too far from it.
	But I just wanted to call and tell Gavin thanks because you basically convinced my husband to try for a girl and we have two older boys and then we got twins and boys.
	But life is good and I just wanted to call and say thanks because I heard the previous caller call in about their pregnancy and I thought I've got to call Gavin.
	So you got four kids, one and then twins and then one.
	No, no, I have a nine-year-old, a seven-year-old, and then we had twins in August.
	And are the twins girls?
	Boys.
	Four boys.
	All boys.
	Four boys.
	We tried for the girl, finally talked him into it.
	It took me seven years.
	Talked him into it and then had two more boys, but it's awesome.
	You gotta stop marrying men with long dicks.
	You're only going to get boys.
	Can I say one thing?
	I love Nashville.
	I love Tennessee.
	It's very hard to find a problem with it, but just to play devil's advocate, I'm kind of not a fan of the yellow grass.
	The yellow grass?
	All the grass is yellow right now.
	Oh, it's the winter.
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, it does do that, but it comes back green and, you know, it's fun.
	I mean, my lawn is pretty green right now in the winter.
	Yeah.
	I don't have a lawn.
	Yeah, well, you have money, Gavin.
	You have money and have nice grass.
	Yeah, no, it's because you guys don't get moisture in the winter.
	Although you had that crazy cold front.
	I can't tell you how many people I met who had lost their homes or almost lost their homes to pipe explosions from that cold front that came through.
	Yeah, we had to keep them dripping.
	It was, yeah, it was brutally cold here.
	All right, well, congratulations.
	God bless you.
	I'm very happy you got those boys.
	And yeah, thank you so much.
	Thank the Lord every day.
	None of them are spazzes.
	Have a wonderful life.
	Yes.
	No, they're all great.
	Thanks again.
	We love your show.
	Thank you.
	You know what I did the other night?
	I lay in my... I was watching TV.
	I was watching that Netflix show about the autistic guys.
	Love on the Spectrum?
	Love on the Spectrum.
	And they were like...
	It's Australian mostly, right?
	And they're like, I just, I really hope I have a girlfriend and that she's interested in dinosaurs as I am, particularly the palimethaloic era, where, you know, everyone talks about T-Rex, but the Planteosaurus was actually the most vibrant.
	And you're like, thank you, God, for not giving me one spaz.
	Thank you fucking God.
	And they're like, I would really like to get, and he's got a suit on.
	And he's like, I'm talking to a different guy now.
	He's like, I would like to get a girlfriend because eventually I'd like to get married.
	And then they go on these dates and inevitably they go, I think we're just going to be friends, which I can't help as God going, yeah, uh, I don't want you guys breeding.
	Um, I'm going to wreck this date.
	Because they get along great because they're autistic, right?
	They're robots.
	They're like, oh, do you like pens?
	Yeah, pens are fun.
	And then they go, it didn't go well.
	And I'm realizing that God is sabotaging their relationships because he's trying to cut that fucking split end on their hair.
	And I just thought I'm so fucking lucky to not have an autistic kid or a kid who's like talking about Fucking I don't know dishwashers, and what about a serial killer?
	That's less common.
	I know fucking 10 spazzes off the top of my head.
	I see my kid playing baseball and one of them is like dancing from third base to home instead of running a straight line and all the parents are looking straight ahead because they don't want to look at the dad.
	Whose kid that is.
	They're like, oh, I hope he gets to home.
	Dancing could be like a lot of fun, you know, if you got like a- Oh, Patti Pimbley!
	Oh, aye.
	So I was pretty drunk, but I just went to bed with a maker's buzz and just lay in bed, almost woke up my wife going, thank you so much, God, for not giving me a spaz.
	Thank you so much, God, for not giving me a spaz.
	Like I felt this love coming out of my chest to the Lord.
	And I don't want to disparage people who have handicapped kids or who are going through that.
	But...
	They're basically saying that it'd be real tough to do so they've got like a- Shut up.
	You must know that you're going through hell and you must know that you're not lucky.
	I mean, you must see us and go, that seems better.
	I don't know how to phrase this without disparaging.
	I know how.
	You say like you're basically like a super parent so like you're doing the job of like two parents.
	Oh, you're a hero.
	You're a fucking mensch.
	You're like the Incredibles.
	You're an awesome person and thank you.
	Patty.
	For doing that work.
	Oh, no problem.
	Especially my wife had like my youngest boy when she was like 40, I don't know, two, three.
	So dodged a fucking bullet here.
	I'm so fucking thankful.
	And they're not exactly out of the park geniuses, superheroes, my kids.
	Like, they're no spaz, but I'm not exactly impressed when I say things like, what's eight times seven?
	Don't get me wrong.
	I don't want him on my team!
	He knows nothing!
	Yeah, my son knows nothing.
	Nothing!
	When I do vocabulary tests, I mean, it's clear that they're half Indian, so I'm not bragging.
	He knows nothing about nothing!
	I'm not bragging about my kids, but they're definitely not spaz, and that's all you really want.
	So yeah, don't take what you have for granted.
	We should all be thankful for the wonderful things we have.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

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