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Nov. 4, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:02:35

GOML LIVE #172 - BOUNCERS IN YOUR PUBES

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes That is nobody who is no more.
	That dude was accused by his label mates of taking advantage of teenage groupies.
	And he said, Yeah, I did.
	And that was the end of him.
	That was two years ago.
	Good jams, though.
	And I don't advocate fucking teenage girls, but it has been the norm in rock for quite a while.
	She was just 17.
	If you know.
	You know what I mean?
	And the way she looked was way beyond compare.
	How could I dance with another when I saw her standing there?
	I met the Beatles in person when they came to Manhattan.
	And I said to John Lennon, if you're a Beetle, let me see you fly.
	So he said to Paul McCartney, what do I say to the bird?
	He said, ask her, does she want our autographs?
	And stupid me, I said, no.
	You know how much that'd be worth nowadays?
	I'm sure we can look it up.
	As you may have guessed, Sylvia is here.
	Of course, we have our co-host, Maddie O'Dell.
	What's up, everybody?
	Good to see you.
	We've got our Clown World in Proud Boys colors here.
	Very, alarmingly delectable contrast.
	It really is aesthetically pleasing, this black and yellow.
	I don't know why.
	Especially with the gold.
	Let's see yours, Ryan.
	Oh, hell yeah, yeah.
	So as you guys know, our ad sales guy on his watch allowed for one of our clients, Goldco, to have a typo weaponized against us.
	So it was Gavin loves gold, right?
	Was what it was supposed to be.
	He sent me Gavin Likes Gold.
	One of our, either, yeah, one of the baby monsters, and your friends are your worst enemies.
	As Bill Hicks said, they will christen your dumpster.
	As Ian Mackay said, isn't it nice you don't have to look far to find the ones that leave the deepest scar?
	Look at Anthony.
	Who trashed his studio?
	Stevie Lou.
	Kevin Brennan.
	Kevin Brennan.
	Who attacked his host of one of his shows?
	Gino Viscate.
	No, sorry.
	I got that backwards.
	Well, Pat Dixon.
	No, that's on record, so can't go back.
	Gino.
	And even my life.
	I'm like, Antifa's threatening me.
	They're shutting down shows and all that stuff.
	But like the two people who have hit on my wife in my home are my friends.
	You know?
	No bueno.
	Yeah.
	Non-bueno.
	You don't have to look far to find the ones who leave the deepest scar.
	My personal, the people around me that are close to me, look at Shane and Sarouche and Weiss.
	Like they've done, my friends have done much more damage in my life than my enemies.
	For me, it's just death by a thousand paper cuts.
	You know.
	What do you mean?
	Like I haven't done anything outwardly wrong to you, but just every day I just do a little bit of I'm more mad at your mother for not having an abortion.
	You're right.
	Well, there's a pro-life.
	I'm pro-life with one exception.
	And I work with you.
	The only time Gavin is pro-life is when he has the special secret recipe how to make boy babies that he may or may not be willing to share.
	I'll happily share.
	I've shared it many times.
	I was telling Sylvia on the way here that because she has two twin sisters.
	And I said, so three girls in the family, that means your dad has a small dick.
	And I made a girl first, and I was like, oh, I want some boys.
	So I would do, as I've told you a million times, I'm telling Sylvia now, standing doggy, you get really deep, like you feel the cervix.
	And then when you jizz, you hold her hips and you fall down on top of her, collapse with her like a lawn chair, and you wait like a minute.
	That's how you get a boy.
	You drop off this, and then she's like, no, it's the sperm.
	It's about the sperm, baby.
	Where you go?
	And I go, yeah, it is about the sperm, but with boys, you've got to drop it off at the front door and then ring the doorbell.
	Ding-dong, and run away.
	That's it.
	I'm out.
	Anyway, our sales guy, it's one of the funniest moments on the show, allowed his typo to get hijacked.
	And then they turned it into a Nazi like me as Shylock.
	Did we show it or no?
	And that went for weeks.
	And then he goes, oh, I can't do a Chicago accent.
	But he's like, yeah, I didn't send him that picture.
	And I'm like, I know, dude.
	And to this day, I have no idea if that guy was sent to me as a prank or if he was a genuine employee.
	And I suspected that from day one.
	I went to his website and I saw one client and one happy customer.
	It looked fucking fake.
	We'll never know.
	Anyway, he's fired, but we still have to read these because they paid for them.
	Is that what it is now?
	No, this was Fop Metals.
	Oh, you can show the other one.
	It's funny.
	Go DEF CON 3 on Poverty This Year, Invest in Gold.
	And like, the reason he's fired, assuming he's not just a prankster, is to see that and have it associated with one of our clients and just be like, huh, that's a weird cartoon.
	Dude.
	I love it.
	This happened on your watch.
	You're either incredibly negligent or A saboteur.
	Neither are working here anymore.
	Oh, man.
	My fellow Americans, if you have an IRA 401k or savings account, then I encourage you to contact my friends at Goldco.
	That's who we're talking about, right?
	Yeah.
	Things are getting scary out there.
	The Biden administration has already printed much more money, more money in the past two years than the previous 100 years combined.
	That sounds comical, doesn't it?
	The national debt just hit a record $30 trillion.
	I remember when it was $12.
	You know that building in Times Square where they have the ticker thing and they show the debt just going, I remember going, holy fuck, it just went from 12 to 13 in a few years.
	Now it's 30.
	Now it's 30.
	And inflation is the highest we've seen since 1982.
	It's only a matter of time before the house of cards comes crashing down.
	If you have retirement savings, your money could be at serious risk.
	Talk to my friends at Goldco to see how you can protect your retirement with gold and silver before it's too late.
	Go to, and he always types www.go MLGold.com and Goldco will give you $10,000 in free silver when you open a qualified account.
	That's gomlgold.com.
	Again, that's gomlgold.com.
	Possibly our last read from them.
	Does anyone who does podcast sponsorship let us know?
	Because we are a ship without a sail.
	What do you think about Musk taking over Twitter and he may start charging people for it?
	What do you think of him in general?
	I love him.
	I think it's great.
	What are you eating there?
	Corn chips?
	Whatever our host was gracious enough to give me.
	Maddie.
	Maddie Odell.
	Did you forget Maddie's name?
	Tostitos.
	Tostitos.
	Oh, you have a new name now.
	Yes.
	Oh, you're Tostitos now.
	Tostito the Bandita.
	This guy goes to Mexico once, and he calls himself Tostitos after.
	I don't know if that's going to take, man.
	Oh, it's tough.
	You can't invent your own nickname.
	It's got to be given.
	It's got to be given like Baby Monster.
	That's a good nickname.
	Maddie went to Tijuana, held up the Mexicans, and he brought it back for me.
	There you go.
	Yep, classic Tostitos.
	You know what they say?
	South of the border, down Mexico Way, there's a crazy American named Maddie Iye.
	All right.
	Oh, Dadius Limerick's coming out.
	Damn.
	She's on fire tonight.
	I didn't finish that thing I was saying, though, about groupies, because I got sidetracked by their Beatles fan over here.
	I did a video about this a long time ago that rock stars are fucking underage teens and not 17, but 14.
	Remember that chick?
	When you have kids, like you think 14, oh yeah, she's young, but probably kind of sexy.
	That's what you think when you're like 20.
	Then you have kids and you're like, 14 is an infant.
	Yeah.
	That's a baby.
	Like, they look fucking weird with makeup on at 14.
	Even 16, they look when they have little kitten heels.
	They're sort of walking.
	They look like a newborn deer.
	Yeah.
	They're like barely alive.
	This chick.
	Yeah.
	They look like stumble bugs.
	That's a little girl.
	That's like she should be playing lacrosse with her friends.
	Who's that, Roman Polanski?
	No, that's Jimmy Page.
	Oh, that's Jimmy Page.
	Jimmy Page kidnapped her and held her in a hotel for months.
	Jesus.
	David Bowie fucked her, double-teamed her with his wife, threesomed her, with his black wife.
	And who else?
	I think Keith Moon fucked her, too.
	I think he just mooned her.
	What was that?
	Jerry Lee Lewis married like his 14-year-old cousin.
	Yeah.
	Liberace.
	They had, what's his name, play him?
	Falling down guy.
	Michael Douglas.
	Michael Douglas.
	And then they had Matt Damon play his lover.
	Matt Damon, when he made that movie, was 39.
	When Liberace first met that boy, he was 14.
	Oh, Jesus.
	So, yeah, they've been fucking teens for a while.
	Billy Joel is going to be in Madison Square Garden.
	Microphone, microphone.
	You're going to put the microphone.
	Put up the mic.
	Billy Joel is going to be in Madison Square Garden in March.
	What happened?
	No, he's going to be singing.
	Oh, okay.
	He's got a residency there, right?
	He's in his late 70s.
	Oh, okay.
	So you'll fuck him again, just to make the numbers round up.
	There you go.
	Have you ever fucked Billy Joel, Sylvia?
	No, he's not my type, look-wise.
	What, too white?
	No, not because he's white.
	He's just not a good-looking dude.
	Look, not everyone can look as good as you and Ryan and Maddie here.
	All three of you are hot-looking men.
	Who's your type?
	You told me you like blacks and Hispanics.
	You like sort of coffee-colored Hispanics, like Dominicans.
	Latino men, Latino men are the most romantic what they say to a woman verbally.
	What they say to a woman verbally, you want to open your legs like a butterfly, okay?
	There you go.
	What about what they say to a woman physically with the whoosh and the poof and the huck?
	These days you can find a caterpillar.
	Black men and Latino men, they don't have the sexual inhibitions like white men.
	They will do anything and everything to please you.
	Are you talking about having your asshole licked?
	Is that the elephant in the world?
	Get your asshole.
	I can't.
	I can't.
	I have the asshole of a 72-year-old gay man.
	Assholes are good for baggots.
	So what are the inhibitions that white men have?
	They don't want their dick sucked?
	A lot of them don't want to go down on a woman.
	They don't want the woman on top of them pumping them.
	Pumping.
	I would like to meet one of those.
	I'm a few examples.
	It's a rare breed.
	Dude, I just started watching the new white lotus.
	That's why I'm late today because I was watching it with the missus.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Great show.
	Unbelievable.
	Unbelievable, really.
	He's got like stuff up his nose.
	A little bit.
	Unbelievable.
	He's got a case of the Garrett.
	Wow.
	Unbelievable, really.
	It is so good.
	I've had nine husbands, about a hundred lovers, not counting boyfriends.
	Okay.
	Hello.
	Not for every woman.
	Hello.
	And you're not a big blower, so that's all intercourse.
	But God protected me.
	I never got a venereal disease.
	If I looked at a man and I was sexually attracted to him, I'd buck him.
	Damn.
	What years are we talking here?
	What year was that?
	What years, yeah, when you're banging everything that moves?
	In the 60s, the 70s.
	And how old are you now?
	I'm 79.
	79.
	Let's say 80.
	So 67, 80.
	So 60.
	So you were like, you're talking about your teens and early 20s?
	No.
	When I was an early teen, I wasn't out bucking.
	I was a virgin.
	53.
	I lost my virginity when I was 16.
	60.
	To an Iranian.
	Iranian.
	To a man from Iran.
	You're real good-looking guy.
	How old were you when you lost your V?
	Virginity.
	V?
	Your virginity.
	I don't know why I said V. When I was 16.
	Ah.
	I was 17.
	How old were you, Maddie?
	15.
	Who was it?
	A girlfriend of mine in high school.
	Not the Jap.
	No, no, no.
	How'd that go?
	The first time?
	Yeah.
	You know, we were two kids that knew nothing.
	It wasn't too good.
	I mean, it was, you know, at the time, it was great, but.
	Did you wear a condom?
	No.
	Where'd you jizz?
	On her stomach.
	Was it missionary?
	Yep.
	On the hallway.
	It was in the hallway outside of her, like, she lived on the third floor of her house.
	She had a big, big house.
	We were in the hallway outside of her bedroom door.
	I guess nobody must have been home at the time.
	I think we were in the pool swimming and we got out and went upstairs.
	And then, I don't know, one thing led to another.
	I knew we were in.
	Was she a virgin?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	A little bloodstain?
	A little bit.
	A little bit.
	Was she like, yeah, you know, it was an interesting putting it in the first, like, because she was nervous.
	And she was like, ah.
	I'm like, well.
	And, you know, we both, it was consensual, obviously.
	You made her scream.
	I'm notty.
	You know, it was good.
	I mean, is it awkward?
	I'm 15, she was 16.
	Yeah.
	So it was crazy.
	And then did you fuck her a bunch more times?
	Oh, yeah, I dated her for a lot of time.
	And then you got into the groove.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, once you know.
	How long did you date her for?
	Maybe a year and a half.
	When did it end?
	Why did it end?
	Oh, I don't know.
	Who knows at that age?
	You know what I did at that age?
	I dated this super slut, Big Kimmy, and lost my virginity to her, but so did all my friends.
	And I had ruined my brand by dating such a whore.
	And high school girls hate whores because it's like when you're in the union and you work hard.
	The other guy's like, what the fuck are you doing?
	Now we all got to work hard.
	So they were raising the slut bar.
	And they wanted to keep it low for obvious reasons.
	Town bicycle.
	So I dated this really nice, funny, ugly chick.
	I won't say her name.
	Tammy Cockles.
	What was her name?
	Tammy Conkles.
	Tammy.
	I actually looked up recently.
	She's aged really well.
	She looks kind of hot now.
	But back then, she was awkward and not attractive.
	Oh, Elon Musk is here.
	Oh, no.
	They say the best love is a Japanese man.
	I never had a Japanese man.
	I got a Japanese man right here.
	Are you a good lover, Ryan?
	He's Philippine.
	Oh, he's not.
	He's Japanese Puerto Rican.
	He's Japrikan.
	Ryan, aren't you Philippine?
	No, I'm Japanese Puerto Rican.
	Oh, I didn't know.
	Sounds like a clean solvent.
	Filipino.
	Keep your floors looking great with Philippine.
	Ancient Filipino secret.
	It's funny.
	That girl's name was the same name as my first name.
	No, the full name?
	No, just first name.
	Tammy.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	That was a popular name in the 80s.
	And so I dated the ugly girl for like eight months, and it cleansed my reputation.
	I was forgiven the whore, and then I could date an incredibly hot, I think she was 15, 14, and I was 17, 18.
	And I brought her, she was a dumb like little kid.
	I don't even share.
	She was legal.
	Can a 17-year-old fuck a 14-year-old?
	Yeah.
	Okay, so I took her to prom.
	So I cashed in my chips.
	It was just like blackjack.
	I lost a bunch of money with the first slut.
	I dated the ugly nerd, got my currency up, and then I just blew it all on prom.
	And I fucked her that night.
	That was great.
	I looked her up recently.
	Whoa!
	Hideous.
	Hideous.
	And then I emailed an old buddy from high school that I assumed we were still cool.
	We wouldn't communicate that much, but I didn't realize he hated me now, probably because of Trump and everything.
	And I go, dude, I just looked up Sue.
	She's a fucking witch.
	Like, she looks like a Disney witch now that we're all 53.
	And he goes, I go, she's like a, she was a nine, an eight in high school.
	Now she's like a two or a three.
	And he goes, yeah, but you're the only one that's a four on the inside.
	Oh, shit.
	We're not friends anymore.
	And he's like, no, I don't know why you contact me.
	Well, okay.
	Oh, wow.
	Oh, my.
	Excuse me.
	All right.
	When I was growing up, now mind you, I'm 79 years old.
	So if a boy, two teenagers, boy and a girl, he took you on a date.
	And what he would do, he'd buy you a cherry Coke.
	That was a big-time date.
	Then girl, oh, and the most he do is feel your titties.
	So girls in general say, oh, if you let a boy feel your titties, you're a whore.
	How were your titties back then?
	They were juicy.
	Juicy.
	Juicy.
	So when did you lose your virginity?
	16.
	When I was 16.
	Tell us about it, though.
	Where was it?
	From Iran, real good-looking guy.
	So this is in the 60s, so it's pre-revolution.
	So Iran was still pretty Western.
	There was go-go boots and rock and roll and pompadours.
	So how was it?
	I thought that I was going to see the stars and the moon, but it was okay.
	He didn't hurt me.
	Oh, so you had high hopes, but it didn't turn out great.
	No, it was okay.
	But I thought I, you know, fireworks would go well.
	See, that's it.
	And I didn't orgasm.
	Sex with her was insane.
	It was okay.
	And you'd be fucking her, and she'd faint.
	She'd come and then be unconscious.
	And then her boyfriend after me, you'd go to McDonald's, get a burger, and then jizz on it, and she would eat a cum burger.
	And I remember being on the bus going to high school going, you ate a what?
	And she's like, yeah, you got to be really horny.
	I'd say so.
	You got to be really horny to eat a cum burger.
	I mean, if they're swallowing anyway, I mean, but I don't think it would taste good on a burger.
	I don't know what it tastes like.
	Trump, you know the Trump grab her by the pussy thing.
	You would grab her vagina and she would be like, oh, and like, come.
	She ended up having like five kids.
	She left her husband to pursue a career in coming.
	Like, she became a crackhead, but I think she became a crackhead because crack makes sex even better.
	And she was a sex addict.
	Like, she was born a sex fiend.
	And she moved to Oshawa, which is outside of Toronto, because there's a lot of crack being manufactured there.
	And she just became a professional fucking crack whore.
	Wow.
	Just for the sex, not for the crack.
	It's sort of like Indians.
	You hear about Indians doing a lot of crack.
	They don't really like the crack.
	They like it because you can drink more.
	I asked my psychiatric social worker once, I said, do you think I'm a sex fiend?
	She said, Sylvia, you have so many boyfriends that you sleep with, I can't keep track.
	Wow.
	Well, you once said to me in private, and you told me not to tell anyone.
	No, just kidding.
	You said, my biggest regret is my addiction to cock.
	And I blew all my marriages, all my relationships with my severe addiction to getting fucked.
	No, I'm not sorry, all the men I married.
	No, you said you kept blowing your marriages by being a whore.
	No.
	I was just a restless woman.
	It's only when the marriages fail that I sleep with somebody else before I got divorced.
	When did you last have intercourse?
	What about intercourse?
	When did you last have it?
	When did I last have it?
	About, I don't know, two or three years ago.
	That's pretty recent.
	All right, Ryan, now we're at you.
	When did you...
	Yes, I do know some about Ryan's sex.
	Yeah.
	Elon, can you go away for a bit?
	I want to talk to Ryan, if I may.
	Oh, yeah, I haven't worked on that impression at all.
	As you can tell.
	It's Kyle Dunnegan's Elon Musk, is what it is.
	I don't really hear him talk to you.
	I think Kyle Donegan does Elon when he was more of a recent immigrant, so he had more of a South African accent, because now he doesn't sound South African at all.
	Toots pass.
	Okay, so how old were you?
	Whatever, like, from sixth into seventh grade, so like, was that 14 or is that 12?
	12.
	12?
	Or maybe seventh into eighth grade?
	No, I think it was sixth grade going into seventh grade.
	Yes, I was young.
	And how old was the girl always?
	This is what blows my mind about blacks and Puerto Ricans.
	Every time you start telling sex stories, you're like, and then I touched a boob when I was 20 and kissed a lady on the lips at 21.
	But we were on the Ferris wheel at the time when they're like, I used to suck my, I used to suck my baby.
	I don't know why I'm doing a southern accent.
	That's how that's.
	I used to suck my babysitter's tits when I was eight.
	And you're like, pardon es moi?
	What?
	There was some horsing around and nonsense before then, but that was when that.
	I was dating a girl named Amani who lives in the Bronx.
	I used to live in the Bronx and I moved upstate.
	But I would visit my great-grandparents and right next door was Amani, a black girl.
	She's the same age.
	No, that would be Amani.
	It's Imani.
	Or it's Imani.
	But it's not Amani.
	Okay.
	And what was her ethnicity?
	Whatever type of black.
	He was a dancer at Studio 54.
	I think Jamaican.
	A Jamaican chick, a black chick.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You lost your virginity to a black lady.
	Yeah.
	Not a lady.
	She's a lady.
	A child.
	A black child.
	All right, lady.
	Brian Catchera fucked a child.
	Black child.
	Hey, that's not true.
	It's a black child.
	Right.
	We dated for a year before anything happened, and then she said she was going to blow me, like in the movies.
	And I didn't know what that meant.
	And that means I stand up and then she's on her knees.
	And then it took a while, maybe a couple days, but we would just keep at it until we Just doing that.
	Practicing blowjobs?
	Yeah, she would blow me on the balcony while I was trying to tell her a scary story.
	It was like, really?
	Story time with Ryan on the balcony.
	Yeah.
	Hey, do you want to come out on the balcony?
	I'll tell you a scary story.
	You can blow me while I talk.
	Yeah.
	So you'd be talking as you received Fallatio from this child.
	That was one time.
	How old was she?
	Same age.
	So you're both 12.
	And she's taller than I was.
	And my great-grandparents.
	I know.
	How dare you.
	But my great-grandparents, my great-grandfather caught me kissing her in the living room.
	So this is what I did.
	This is how a kid thinks when he panics.
	I'm kissing her, and he walks in.
	He's got our food that he made for us.
	And I see him and I go, bonk.
	And then I bonk her in the head.
	Like, we're just playing the I bonker in the head game with my hat.
	We're not kissing.
	Yes, one does.
	It was embarrassing.
	But we would, it was sweet.
	Like, we would, we date for a year, and this was all her ideas.
	Is this legal to be talking about?
	Like, I was that age.
	This is free on the internet.
	We're not buying the paywall yet.
	So, you're talking about two 12-year-olds having sex.
	Is that even legal?
	I was one of them.
	Do you own kiddie porn now?
	I'm actually not.
	If you watch this, this is before.
	Because your computer contained terabytes of kiddie porn?
	This is before computers, essentially.
	Like, a friend would have a computer in your computer.
	So you'd go to his house.
	Us now talking about this.
	Oh.
	Oh.
	It's a story.
	I was the name once, and this is what happened at that.
	But I'm not even telling you the sex part.
	I'm telling you, like, we used to live next door to each other, so we would knock on the wall when we wanted to hang out, and then I'd bring over a hormel chili, and we'd watch wrestling together.
	It was all innocent, and then she was like, let me start blowing you.
	And I was like, I don't even know what the fuck that is.
	So you were probably getting blown before you could ejaculate.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	There's nothing coming out.
	And then, like, eating her out, I was not a fan of because it was, you know, there was hair going on there.
	And I was just like, I was like, this is a fucking mess.
	So, but, yeah, it was always with the pants on when we did it.
	It was, like, very small movements.
	My chin would always dig into her chest.
	She's like, you're hurting me.
	You're hurting me again.
	I just could, I couldn't keep my chin away.
	But I found out.
	You were so short.
	I don't think.
	Or her shoulder.
	Whatever.
	Put your chin on my shoulder.
	And she called me Chin.
	That was a nickname.
	So I found out later on, my friend Lewis that you met right when we were talking about.
	Oh, the black dude with dresses like Mad Max?
	So right after the Candace Owens, Cornell West episode that we filmed, afterwards, there's this goth black party that rented out the back.
	So they're coming in as we're leaving.
	It's my friend Lewis from.
	I was a virgin.
	But she had banged him.
	Oh, my God.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So, I don't know.
	Didn't you have a date planned, like a hang with Lewis planned?
	And you guys were going to go to the mall and look at security guards?
	Yeah, yeah.
	For his birthday or something, or he just wanted to go to the mall, walk around, and dress like security guards and make a video or something.
	Yeah.
	And then you ended up not doing that because they wanted to go to a bar and you thought, that's gross.
	I hate bars.
	I don't like a bar hangout.
	I think a mall is funnier because you get to walk around and look at people.
	Yeah, what's worse than meeting an old buddy that you grew up with and having a beer at a bar?
	Well, that's when I was staunchly not drinking.
	Pathetic.
	I was very against.
	Telling old stories about being a fucking 13-year-old with some guy you haven't seen in 20 years.
	We wound up hanging out after that, and we saw each other again in the Bronx afterwards.
	Tell us about the lay, though I'm not sure it's legal.
	There was a couple of lays, but one time we almost got caught.
	There was a couple of lays.
	They all blended in one.
	We just kept doing it.
	Where?
	Mostly in her grandmother's room.
	Where was her?
	Her grandmother, her mother wasn't around.
	Surprise.
	Her grandmother was very slow.
	Mrs., I'm not going to give the last name, but she's like, oh, what the hell y'all do?
	But she almost caught us once.
	I had my belt unbuckled because we heard her coming down the hallway, but too late.
	We're near the Christmas tree in the living room, usually where we don't do it.
	Risky.
	And very risky.
	And my heart was just thumping because we heard her.
	So I just get up off her.
	She hears the rustling.
	I don't do my belt or my pants.
	And so they're like kind of falling down.
	So I'm walking down the hallway and she's sitting down now so she could see us.
	And I'm trying to race to get to the room before my pants fall down.
	So that was very scary.
	But we never got caught properly.
	But that was.
	She was 12 years old.
	Or 13, maybe.
	Oh, my God.
	The Bronx.
	What a shithole.
	That's true.
	I think I was corrupted by that young woman because I didn't even want to kiss at first.
	It was her idea to kiss.
	I was like, we're dating.
	I don't know what that means.
	If you had said, if you were doing a talk and you're like, New York City is an absolute mess.
	We got 12-year-olds fucking each other in the Bronx.
	People would go, okay, Nazi, what else is happening?
	No, it's a fact.
	I think it's very interesting that that's how that happened, but yes, it is.
	I haven't thought about that in a long time.
	And I don't think that was uncommon.
	No.
	I think if you talk to Puerto Ricans in the Bronx, they'll be like, yeah, I was 10.
	Like I said, Lewis and her already had copulated by that point.
	So this was kind of a thing.
	I don't know if it's other, I don't know a lot of black people in America outside of New York, but every time I talked to a black New Yorker, they were sucking some tits at like six.
	Wasn't that based on Sherrod Smalls?
	Like Sherrod Smalls was like, Sherrod was fucking my cousin back in the day.
	All of them.
	Larry Barnes would fuck his mom's friends.
	Oh, my God.
	When he was like 10.
	Holy shit.
	So let me rephrase that.
	Larry Barnes was molested by his mom's friends.
	He's not upset about it.
	Yeah.
	But he ought to be.
	How does that work with 212 here?
	We were both molested by the media.
	It's not good.
	Right.
	But I don't know who the perpetrator is and who the victim is.
	Society is the perpetrator.
	Last thing on that, it made it very weird because I lived upstate in New York where people are raised properly and it's majority white, you know, up in the Hudson Valley.
	And it was very odd trying to actually have relationships with women that didn't just immediately pedal to the metal.
	Right.
	So you're like, so I guess you want to blow me, right?
	Yeah.
	It was like, it was, it was really tough to adjust to that afterwards.
	I think you might, you know what, Sylvia, you say Japanese people are good fuckers.
	I remember a long time ago, it was like a Laura Loomer event in Florida, and Ryan had the next hotel room, and he was banging some broad, and it was going and going.
	And I could hear them in the next room, just like tearing up the place.
	But I remember telling you, I thought that that was rather a short bout.
	But I don't know.
	You want to see a short bout.
	You may want to pop by Gav's calves.
	You may want to take a peek into my bedroom window if you want to see short and sweet.
	I actually am trying a new thing sexually.
	Don't try to make it good.
	That's hilarious.
	My whole life, I've been like pausing and like trying to, you know, do the alphabet backwards to last.
	Putting it into it.
	Do different moves.
	And like now you go on your side and make everything like a cool porn.
	So I'll get to do it again.
	I think if I make it like an event, and I don't know if she likes that.
	I think she might just want like a dog, just like done, done, right?
	Because, like, she's very unambitious, my wife.
	So, why would sex be ambitious?
	And that last two have just been totally self-indulgent, like what you'd imagine a poodle doing to a stuffed animal.
	And I don't know, it's been going pretty good.
	You know what I heard from new sex tip.
	Don't be good.
	New rule is that don't think about your actual junk.
	Picture just your hips moving.
	Just focus on the hip movement.
	Yeah, we all know that one, right?
	I didn't know that until I heard that.
	What you do is what you're talking about is the trick where you cut your dick off.
	Yes.
	And then you're just a body movement.
	Chop it off.
	Yeah.
	And you have a strap on.
	And that's just a dildo that you're using.
	And it works for a while.
	But what you're doing is you're cutting off the communication from your dick to your brain.
	And the postman is like, can I get through here?
	And this guy's like, nope.
	No one's getting through.
	You put bouncers in your pubes.
	And the bouncer's like, no messages to the brain.
	Sorry, not today.
	Episode title?
	What is it called?
	Bouncers to your pubes.
	No messages to the brain.
	Yeah, you stand out there, but eventually what happens is there's so many messages.
	The bouncers are like, calm down, everyone, get back, get back.
	And then eventually they get stampeded.
	The bouncers are trampled to death, and all the messages come in.
	You're like, oh, boy.
	You got to do with your heart.
	What the hell is that, man?
	Corn pop, miss bad dude.
	Bad dude, man.
	Who is that white boy?
	Who is that white boy next to Ryan?
	The older guy that just appeared?
	Yeah.
	That's the president of the United States.
	No, no, no.
	This guy.
	Yeah, that's Joe Black guy.
	Little puppet.
	Oh, shit.
	Mercedes is calling.
	Oh, crap, man.
	It's been a long time.
	Holy cow.
	Mercedes Carrera.
	An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
	This call is not private.
	It will be recorded and may be monitored.
	If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number.
	To accept this free call, press one.
	To refuse the thank you for using Securis.
	You may start the conversation now.
	Hey, Mercedes.
	Hey, Gavin.
	You're live on the air.
	How fantastic.
	Yeah, I'm glad to hear from you.
	So there was a massive Mercedes drought recently where we didn't hear from you and no one did.
	I talked to my buddy Robbie up in Montreal.
	He said you would cut off correspondence for like a month or two.
	Yes.
	Well, things have been a little weird here.
	Are you allowed to say why?
	There's just been some weird jail stuff happening, but I'm back and I'm able to contact you now.
	So we've just had a lot of people here and not a lot of time out of our cells.
	And so that's kind of had something to do with it.
	But I'm able to contact you now.
	We won't pry.
	We won't pry.
	So I'm glad you called because we spoke recently and you said your court date has been set.
	Now, before we say the actual date, I have been saying since day one, because I know you well, I consider you a close friend.
	I don't believe these allegations.
	And I think it's because you're MAGA, it's political persecution.
	And if anyone was dubious of political persecution, surely they see Max and John and they see the Jan 6 defendants, these guys who were vandalizing government property, looking at 20 years to life for such a silly crime.
	The crime deserves, I don't know, clean trash up off the highway and get a $300 fine is what that deserves.
	But anyway.
	Right.
	They chose your court date as January 6th.
	Yes.
	Of all the days.
	Wow.
	The odds are one in 365 that it would be that political date.
	Right.
	And I want to be very clear that I did not have a hand in choosing that date.
	That date was chosen for me.
	So let me be very clear that I did not choose January 6th.
	I very much wanted to come back in October.
	And I was told that I would not be coming back in October, that the soonest date I could come back in was January.
	And the date I would be coming back was January 6th, 2023.
	Amazing.
	So say it goes great and they drop everything.
	What's the soonest you would get out?
	Like a month after that?
	No, right then and there.
	No, that date?
	I mean, if they dropped everything, I would come out that day.
	But I'm told that the plan is to go to trial in January.
	Of course, I've been told the plan was to go to trial all of 2022.
	So at this point, you know, I'm a little skeptical, but I'm being told, you know, even the judge, the judge even told me, well, you know, we do need to get a hold on this.
	But, you know, it was basically a big fuck you, Mercedes.
	Yeah, it sounds like it.
	So say you get out January 6th, that's not happening, but how many months, how long would you have been in jail?
	I will have been in jail just one month short of four years.
	Oh, that's an entire presidential term, isn't it?
	It sure is.
	Four years awaiting trial.
	That is brutal.
	You know, by the way, part of what I want to point out is part of the reason they're going so hard on the title.
	That's against the law.
	At the January 6th event, is as long as they face a prosecution for VENA, they can't run for political office.
	That's something that I don't think anybody's really noticed.
	Wait, what was that?
	If you were part of a quote-unquote insurrection, you cannot run for political office.
	Oh, that's why they're making this.
	In the 14th Amendment.
	Yes.
	That's what this is all about.
	You know, Mercedes, we're here with a 79-year-old woman named Sylvia who has been working on your case and is determined to get you out.
	She even contacted the Innocence Project.
	Oh, thank you.
	And they said they're more concerned with DNA proof to exonerate people.
	That's right.
	But then they help her anyway.
	They like to exonerate people for things like murders.
	They tend to, you know, I think, work with people who are already convicted of crimes.
	And the problem in my case, of course, is there is no evidence because no crime occurred.
	And that's the fairness.
	That is the problem with my case.
	There is no evidence because no crime occurred.
	And that's why I haven't been convicted of anything.
	They also seem to prefer giant black males.
	Like there's that cop who is falsely accused of forcing a woman to blow him.
	What the fuck's his name?
	Michelle Malkin is working on that case.
	He's got a really weird hustle.
	And the Innocence Project would never go near him in a million years.
	She may be able to sue waiting trial four years and she is not a political prisoner.
	You can't hear it, but that's Sylvia intervening in the conversation.
	Oh, no, you're wrong, Gavin.
	Okay, you're not Sylvia.
	Okay, any other news?
	We got to go shortly.
	Sorry to cut the conversation short.
	No, well, no other news except that, you know, I'm just, you know, just if you want to know what I'm going through, just read Soljanitian.
	Read The First Circle by Soljanitian.
	You guys got to read Soljanitian.
	Yeah, I do.
	I do.
	I just finished his collection of speeches.
	What's that?
	Oh, yeah.
	Read His Warning to the West.
	I mean, you know, people, yeah, that one's just amazing.
	I mean, you guys, it's just, it's all there.
	It's all there, and it's all coming.
	Read the first circle.
	I heard that he stopped writing books because he was like, look, I have made everything elaborately clear.
	If you're not understanding, I give up.
	I think Ann Coulter is the same way.
	She's like, I said my piece.
	Go look it up.
	Yeah, you know, Ann Coulter's right.
	I read all of her pieces in the Conservative Chronicle, and I think she's extremely clear.
	And I don't think people, it's almost like at this point, you're kind of just trying to dismantle a brick wall with your skull.
	It's all there.
	Come on, you guys.
	Like, I don't know what else to say.
	But, hey, we live in the Soviet America.
	So I guess we can just...
	Like, you could work on, show gays pictures of tits for 100 years.
	They're going to be like, sorry, not interested, Belize.
	That's exactly it.
	Yeah.
	It's all there, and it's all happening.
	And, yeah, I don't know what else to say.
	So, yeah.
	But I appreciate you, and I appreciate everyone.
	And, you know, so I get to go be a political prisoner January 6th.
	So you guys can always write me and find out what's happening.
	And the gulag.
	The problem is, this isn't even a gulag.
	I wish this was a gulag because it would be fucking quiet and I wouldn't have to watch basketball live.
	Yeah, you get in shape breaking rocks.
	A gulag would be in a brute.
	If you're an attorney, hang on and contact your facility to request your number be made.
	A gulag would have a lot less fucking, like it would have a lot more intelligence.
	You know?
	Fat bitches.
	All right.
	Thanks, Mercedes.
	Let's talk again soon.
	All right.
	Love you.
	Bye.
	Ooh, I like doing jokes to people in jail.
	Captive audience.
	She was really enjoying my bits.
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	What is he?
	Who's that guy?
	Yeah.
	The hat on?
	I'm a member of the United States.
	That's the President of the United States, Sylvia.
	He's the leader of the world.
	He's the leader of the free world.
	This world is not so free anymore.
	You're not doing a real bang-up job.
	I'm a resident of the United States, man.
	No.
	Put some respect of my name.
	You look undernourished to me.
	I was a vice principal under Brack de Boggin.
	I had ice cream.
	All right, so as you know, with this show, we have a bunch of shit going on.
	We read letters, of which we have many.
	We take calls, of which we have too many.
	And then we also have a super chat right here where the proceeds go to Max and John.
	I dipped into the Max and John fund to the tune of a few thousand, and I bought myself Gucci pants.
	No, I dipped into it, and I bought an appeal.
	So Ron and Max are still fighting.
	Never stop fighting.
	They're appealing their sentence right now.
	I mean, they could get out a month early.
	They're not giving up.
	And I assume they'll be going, fighting appealing after they get out.
	Yeah, they could.
	Yeah, they're determined.
	The proud boys?
	Yes.
	So I just sent a bunch of money to their lawyer, Ron, to file this appeal.
	Are they still proud?
	Yes.
	Still proud.
	But that's fair, right?
	Like, say right now it's 21 grand, so now it's 18.
	Lawyers aren't cheap.
	Nope.
	That guy's pretty cheap.
	30 grand.
	To fight that bitch who said, she invented vice cost me $25,000.
	Gavin, you got to admit it.
	They did cross boundaries.
	No, no, Sylvia, this is different.
	This isn't January 6th.
	This was a fist fight.
	I'm not talking about that.
	Oh, you're talking about the fist fights.
	The Proud Boys.
	What boundaries did they cross?
	When?
	Where?
	That's top secret.
	We cannot broadcast it.
	Okay.
	With her personally, maybe.
	But you have evidence against the Proud Boys where they cross the line, but you don't want to make it public.
	I have no evidence for or against them.
	Okay, so maybe don't say they crossed boundaries.
	Well, they did something they shouldn't have.
	Let's put it this way.
	They did something without thinking, with no tact.
	Which is what?
	I'm not at liberty to say.
	Did it happen to my attorney, Pee-Wee?
	Did it happen in a January month?
	No.
	January 6th had nothing to do with it, Gavin.
	Okay.
	Did it happen in Manhattan?
	If they would have listened to you, they wouldn't have been in friggin jail.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	They didn't take your knowledge and your wisdom.
	If they would have, they never would have gone to jail.
	I appreciate that.
	But I said don't go to January 6th.
	On the night of my talk, I didn't say don't fight Antifa if they jump you.
	I would never even think to say that.
	In fact, I don't believe that.
	I think if someone whips a bottle of piss at you, you should fight them.
	Someone spits in your face, you should them.
	You should fight them.
	I'm in a lot of trouble for saying choke a tranny once.
	And I was like, yeah, yeah.
	The context was Antifa were spitting in Trump supporters' faces and then saying, you can't hit me.
	I identify as a woman.
	And that's when I said, don't hesitate, choke a tranny.
	Someone spits in your face.
	Smoke a Randy.
	What?
	Yeah.
	You want us to smoke Randy's, Mr. President?
	Back in the 50s, roll a joint, hang out in the park.
	You have seven or eight people that put 50 cents in there.
	You had to smoke a Randy with your buddies.
	Have a milkshake.
	But you share it.
	I don't think they had marijuana back then.
	When I was a teenager, the most the boys would do on a Saturday night, they would go to the schoolyard and drink beer, okay?
	Uh-huh.
	That was a big thing then.
	Was marijuana around in the 50s?
	Yeah, but they really didn't indulge.
	They were beer drinkers.
	Most teenage boys were beer drinkers.
	And then the spooks would smoke the reefer.
	I knew one kid.
	He was only 14, Phil Brioni from Corona.
	He OD'd.
	I remember one summer night we hung out together.
	We went to my mother's house.
	She gave us money to go buy food dinner in a deli, and I bought, and I wanted to buy for Phil, and he wasn't hungry.
	I didn't know he was on heavy drugs.
	He was on heroin, you think?
	He OD'd.
	Was he on heroin?
	Yeah.
	He OD'd.
	You know what's crazy, Pat?
	14 years old.
	Death rate in New York.
	14 years old, he OD'd.
	100%.
	And his girlfriend's name was Truck.
	Why did they call her Truck?
	Because she had big headlights.
	In other words, big tits.
	I had a friend named fucking tits.
	Friend named Jacob.
	He died of macaroni and cheese.
	It's a heart attack, man.
	He's fat.
	What did Pat Dixon say?
	He was talking about the yearly death rate in New York City.
	And it's bad now.
	It's like one a day, and it's getting worse, even though they changed the stats by not arresting people for it.
	And so it looks bad.
	I mean, it looks better than it is.
	But when you go back into like the 1900s, it's 2,000 a year.
	Yeah, well, all cores or like crime.
	Oh, yeah, true, right, right, right.
	No, murders.
	Yeah, like in 1990, when I was graduating high school, it was like $2,600 a year.
	Really?
	No, that's not.
	Come on.
	That wasn't 1990.
	1989, 1990, 1991, 92, 2,600.
	Okay, here we go.
	Crack academic.
	Rape, robbery, assault, forcible rape.
	What's non-forcible rape?
	Me and my wife?
	What about serial killers?
	And I don't mean sugar pops.
	Name five serial killers to get your second degree.
	So 1965, 836 were killed.
	69, it goes up to 1,300.
	By 1972, it's 2,000 a year.
	Remember, it's only 836 in 65.
	Now it's 2,073.
	Like in the year of 1973, it's also 2,000.
	It goes down.
	It stays there, though, for a long time.
	79, it's 2,000.
	80, 2,000, 2,000, 2,000.
	In 84, it goes down to 1,700.
	And then, boop, it's back up in the late 80s to 2,300, 2,600 in 1990.
	You're right.
	Holy fuck.
	I was out in the clubs, nightclubs, baby.
	You know why 84 kicked off?
	It was crack.
	Yeah.
	Well, no, 79 is when it...
	When it jumped to 2,300, it was 84.
	No, it was 2,072, dude.
	Yeah, but it's in 84.
	84 is not that big of a jump.
	2,300.
	No, it was 2,082.
	84, it goes down to 1,700.
	Oh, okay.
	Which is like the lowest it's been since 1969.
	And then, but it's basically hovering around 2,000 this from fucking from 1972 all the way through to 1995.
	It's 2,000.
	Basically our entire young lives.
	And then Giuliani comes in.
	Right?
	When was Giuliani?
	Dinkins was 92.
	Dinkins was in the mid to late 90s.
	So he was a DA.
	He got rid of the mob, right?
	He's a federal prosecutor, Giuliani.
	Yep.
	And then when was he mayor?
	A lawyer, mayor of New York City, 1994.
	Holy shit, dude.
	94 shows up and boom.
	We plummet down to 700.
	And it keeps going down every year.
	700, 600, 500, 400.
	By 2000, I moved here in 99.
	It was only 489.
	And what are these numbers representing?
	Number of murders a year in New York City.
	What is it now?
	I think it's what?
	Maybe low, mid, I mean, high 400s, maybe 500s?
	No, we only have 2019 here on this chart, but it's as low as 267.
	Look at Lizzie Borden.
	She took an axe, gave her father 40 wax, and when she was done, she gave her mother 22.
	And she got away with it.
	Yeah.
	The murder rate now is the lowest it's ever been.
	Well, the lowest it's ever been.
	I have to 1965 here.
	It was 495.
	It just kept going up and up and up, peaked right around Giuliani's time, and then he came, and it's been going down ever since.
	All right.
	So de Blasio brags about that, but no.
	It's all, as we were discussing yesterday, when the graph is going like that, and then it stops going like that, you can't say, well, it went down under my tenure.
	Yeah, sort of.
	It stopped going down at a good rate, though.
	Right.
	That's when Giuliani disdified Times Square.
	Yeah.
	Stop and Frisk.
	Yeah, in the early 2000s, dude, you could walk around Times Square at 3 in the morning naked with $100 bills taped to your body.
	He's right.
	The only time murders go down is when there's not enough victims.
	Wow.
	Too true.
	Too true.
	All right.
	So let's, I guess let's go.
	We can't have the Ryan shut up thing.
	And then also thanks for calling, right?
	Not at the same time.
	Sill, they like your new sunglasses.
	Wait, bring that back up again.
	One more thank you.
	In August, you told us about anti-ESG fund Drill.
	I immediately moved money into it.
	It's the only investment I have that earned anything this year.
	In less than three months, I've made almost a 10% return, which, by the way, Bernie Madoff was making 10%.
	No one can break 5%.
	I've made almost a 10% return.
	All my other investments have given me a negative 16% loss year to date.
	I haven't even checked my investments.
	I'm too scared.
	I only wish I would have put more into drill.
	Now, that is DRL, right, Ryan?
	I can't really read it from here.
	Yeah, D-R-L-L.
	So as we discussed, Ryan, you introduced us to ESG the other day, Monday.
	We had been pushing drill in August.
	I'm turning into that money guy with the sleeves rolled up.
	Jim Kramer.
	Jim Kramer.
	He yelled the N-word at the Laugh Factory.
	From Seinfeld, not from Seinfeld.
	Oh, that's a different thing.
	Curve your enthusiasm.
	Gav, I know you're a punk guy, but just wondering your opinion on metal.
	I went to see Iron Maiden last Friday in Newark, and they were so fucking good.
	I drove four hours to see them again in D.C. last night.
	Your thoughts?
	I love Iron Maiden.
	They rule.
	Yeah.
	Bruce Dickinson.
	The Brute Stickinson.
	Fucking awesome.
	Producer in the world.
	Now, I got a serious question for the people who listen to our show.
	Why aren't people laughing more?
	They walk down the street self-absorbed, worried, anxious.
	Why aren't the American people laughing more?
	Whatever happened to their sense of humor?
	I blame phones.
	But wait, let's go back to these.
	We want to read these before they disappear off the screen.
	Ryan's a spook.
	Another $100 for the boys.
	Thanks for Japanese vulgarity.
	I haven't heard my wife laugh like that for some time.
	Thanks for keeping us laughing in this crazy world.
	No, this is from last week.
	Yeah.
	Oh, okay.
	Okay, so we're caught up with those.
	All right, so let's do the thanks for calling thing.
	It's true.
	And I can grab a beer.
	Hell yeah.
	You are on the air.
	This is a fucking loser.
	And you want me to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	Bye-bye.
	Home to mommy.
	Hello.
	Home to mommy.
	She probably likes me.
	Go to daddy.
	I say bye-bye once a day.
	Yeah, at least.
	At least.
	So, in order to do the super chats, by the way, you go to the desktop version of the site.
	You click watch live.
	And then right underneath the player there, you'll see a blue button.
	And that's how you send us a little pay message.
	That's how you do it.
	And now the number will appear on the bottom of the screen.
	For those listening, it is 718-400-6959.
	That's a funny number.
	But all of that is true, what I said.
	And we also have a live show, do we not?
	Come on, boys.
	It's true.
	Last one of the of this leg of the tour.
	There's going to be tons of special guests, kind of a compound situation.
	It's not canceled.
	No matter what you hear.
	No.
	It's going down.
	I don't care if I have to do it in the Bronx Zoo and be like, can you dig it?
	Stan Cortland Park.
	Yeah, it's going down.
	We have planned ABCDEFG.
	Plenty of contingency.
	Are you telling a Bronx tale?
	Oh!
	Oh!
	We got these guys in the palm and terrible of my hand.
	Chuck Bom and Tamber.
	Thanks.
	Chaz.
	Chaz.
	Oh, yeah, Chaz.
	Fudge.
	So we got callers.
	I fucked Chaz Bono at a party once before she was a dude.
	Oh, okay.
	That's cool.
	She was hot.
	What was her name before she...
	Chastity.
	We dated for a while.
	That's kind of an ironic name if she banged it.
	100% of the time I say that, people believe me.
	Yeah.
	I don't get it.
	I'll be like, I fucked Eva Mendez at a party once.
	And people go, oh, no way.
	Really?
	How has it?
	I've been dreaming about her.
	No, I did not.
	I haven't fucked anyone famous ever.
	No one has.
	Where fucks famous people?
	Like dancers.
	Where is Sonny and Shea?
	You've never fucked anyone famous, have you, Maddie?
	No.
	No, people don't fuck famous people.
	They're unfuckable.
	You don't get to meet them.
	You're unfuckable.
	I've met famous dudes.
	I bumped into some famous chicks, but the idea of that turning into like, zero.
	Yeah.
	They got too many people around them.
	Yeah.
	I remember I met Cameron Diaz once when I was hanging out with Johnny Knoxville, and she's like, I like your coat.
	And I go, you know what's crazy about this coat?
	The button was falling off.
	And then I looked at it recently, and now it's back on and it's solid.
	It's like that fable where the cobbler went to sleep and he woke up and they made him shoes when he was asleep.
	And she's like, I never heard that before.
	And I'm like, what?
	It's a famous thing.
	How could you not have heard of that?
	And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about.
	And then I started going crazy because I was drunk.
	And I'm like, look, I don't know the name of it.
	How could you not know about the sleeping cobbler who wakes up and all his shoes are made?
	That's like a thing everyone knows.
	It's like Pinocchio.
	Who?
	Yeah.
	Never heard your nick.
	Pino Keo?
	We have a caller on the Lino.
	206.
	Go ahead there, 206.
	Yeah, come on.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Tess, is that me?
	Yeah, you're on.
	Yeah, it's called the Elves and the Shoemakers.
	Maddie and friends.
	Thank you, Maddie and friends.
	Yes, sir.
	So here's kind of a technical question.
	Gavin, you said a long time ago AIU wasn't allowed to use the N-word, and he switched it over to saying bleeps, but you say it quite frequently.
	Is he allowed to get rid of bleep?
	I'm not an AIU advocate, but I've noticed this.
	You can go look up my account activity.
	I'm a big subscriber, but this is one thing I've just realized.
	Why is there a difference?
	I never told CIU he can't say the N-word.
	You did.
	No, no, you did.
	When he joined the platform, you did.
	That's why he switched.
	Really?
	He was not saying bleeps before me?
	I've just been going back into the history.
	Yeah.
	And look, look, I'll leave it there.
	Thank you for calling.
	If you get the credit for bleeps, that's so much funnier than anything else.
	Bleeps is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
	If he didn't use bleeps and he was always like, yeah, so on Thursday there was about seven niggers who were coming over to the, like that's I don't want to.
	That's not cool.
	Maybe you need to say bleeps.
	I think I'm a genius at using it.
	You can use it very, very sparingly.
	Nigger.
	Amen.
	Amen to that.
	We got more calls.
	541.
	You're on the run.
	Go ahead there, call it.
	541.
	Don't be shy.
	You're shy.
	It's weird.
	By the way, I was interrupted with that previous caller.
	The fable is from Grimm's Fairy Tales.
	It's called The Elves and the Shoemaker.
	It was also an animated film in 1935.
	Have you guys not heard of it?
	I've heard of that.
	Yeah, they come out at night when he's sleeping and they do all his work.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Regularly.
	Yeah.
	He was fucked before, like he was about to lose his business.
	These awesome elves do all this work.
	There's been so many.
	I had a similar thing.
	When I would get blackout drunk, I would wake up the next morning and elves had been tweeting using my account.
	And I would read all these racist tweets they had put out.
	And I would just delete them all slowly.
	Hey, bud, you're about to lose your shot.
	Maybe I'll put you on mute.
	I'll put you on mute.
	He's done.
	And then he's fucked.
	He went poo.
	Don't poo at night.
	You only poo in the morning after your coffee.
	That's no more poos for the rest of the day.
	631, you're on the run.
	Just my fault?
	Go ahead, Lynn.
	It's sounding like your fault.
	It smells of your fault.
	That's a whiff of fault.
	Yeah.
	Okay, we have enough balance on the balance sheet.
	Volume's up.
	I'll read.
	You had the first caller.
	Yeah.
	What the fuck is going on?
	Well, you probably pushed a mute button somewhere.
	What's up, boys?
	This is a letter I'm reading now.
	Please tell me you agree that Weird Al fucking sucks.
	Funny music is trash.
	I don't listen to music to laugh.
	Seems gay as fuck.
	Thank you, sir.
	I feel the same way about Ween.
	I hate funny music.
	It's like joking during sex.
	There is no jokes during intercourse.
	Even if there's a queef that goes, even if a queef is a song, like you know the song, I remember my buddy Aiden, the drummer for God Speed You Black Emperor.
	One time we were sitting around the living room at our punk house on Gladstone and his ass goes...
	And we go, that's the first three bars of Ugly by Fishbone.
	If I was fucking a girl and she went, you playing Fishbone?
	No, I'm farting.
	If a woman queefed that exact song, I would just be like...
	I don't break for queefs.
	We have a t-shirt.
	Exactly.
	So there's no joking in sex.
	You're violating a woman.
	It's not a friendly act.
	It's a snake eating a mouse.
	It's not partying with your buds.
	You're murdering someone.
	It's an attack.
	That's why when you see cats, one cat is like, fucking, what is going on?
	I was banging this chick one night.
	I'm like, oh my God, you're so fucking tight.
	She goes, that's because you're in my ass.
	Were you going to tell me?
	Yeah.
	I fucked a girl in the ass.
	That was all I'm sorry.
	And she goes, you fucked me in the ass.
	I go, I thought it was your pussy.
	And she goes, oh, that's flattering.
	That means you can't tell the difference.
	My wife showed me this Ween song, and I'm totally with you, but I like it.
	We're the mollusk.
	We're weird.
	It's like Frank Zappa.
	You know that same.
	So Bill Maher had Kid Rock on.
	He said that your music's funny, but it's not like joke funny, like music, like weird Alan shit.
	But I think Frank Zappa gets away with that too, though, right?
	There's no funny guys?
	No funny guys.
	What about Nardwar?
	What?
	Nardwar had that funny song where he's like, there was a dude on the other side of town.
	Yeah, he's kind of on the border because I don't think he's really kidding.
	Yeah, he is that guy.
	I think that's an art, just like using the N-word.
	It's like, you could be funny and musical, but it's rare.
	And Kid Rock does hit the nail.
	He hits it.
	I mean, I'm trying to think of a song where it's kind of sarcastic.
	Like they say, The Cure.
	Robert Smith said, we were making fun of pop music.
	We were doing an elaborate exaggeration of pop, and people seemed to like it, so we just kept doing it.
	I can kind of see the cure being a parody, sort of, but that's not obvious, like, pajama people.
	Poor Maddie has to live with the guy who worships Frank Zappa.
	Yeah, that's right.
	Giant Frank Zappa dusty fucking sculpture painting in your living room.
	You got to see what he did to his bedroom floor.
	No.
	I guess Frank Zappa liked maroon and black, I guess, these colors.
	He painted the tiles maroon and black, like checkerboard.
	And then he put Frank Zappa mustaches in the middle of each one.
	Like painted them.
	So his floor is tiled?
	Yeah.
	Like with like bathroom tiles?
	No, no, no, not ceramic.
	It's like linoleum?
	No, like they're commercial tile.
	Like what the hell is it called?
	Industrial tile.
	That you'd have in a kitchen.
	Like in like a school or an office building.
	Oh, okay.
	So linoleum.
	No, no, no, no.
	They're individual things.
	I mean, I'm trying to think.
	You can have individual linoleum tiles.
	Yeah, but no, they're not like flex.
	They're not flexible.
	They're fast down with glue.
	Yeah, it's like an industrial tile.
	What the fuck?
	So did he paint the actual checkerboard or those tiles?
	So it must look like shit.
	Like, did he put tape down?
	Oh, he's a professional painter.
	Yeah, he paints.
	So he put tape down first, I guess.
	Yeah, I don't know how.
	He was in there.
	I was like.
	And they look like a stencil.
	It looks like they're all unique.
	They're all stages on every floor tile in the middle.
	He must have had a stamp or something or a stencil.
	Borderline gay.
	He's got a picture of Frank Zapp in his room in like a speedo.
	Ah, Spider's and beer.
	He's getting homosexual now.
	Yeah, it's a little creepy.
	How are we doing, Sylvia?
	Are you okay?
	Yeah, I was just looking at Predators Who Get a Pass.
	We never hear any more about Bill Clinton or Monica Lee.
	Why did that woman go to jail sex trafficking when we don't hear anything about the clients?
	Right.
	There's a list.
	Well, John's get off easy.
	Yeah.
	But his name was Bill.
	The hookers don't, but Johns do.
	You sound like you have some personal experience with that.
	No comment.
	Hey now.
	How did you get a picture of that?
	I'm good.
	What camera is that?
	Is that your camera?
	My little swiveler.
	Oh, you rotated it.
	Well, it's all weird looking.
	Who's going to be governor of New York?
	I'm feeling pretty excited about the Led Zeppelin cover band, Lee Zeldon.
	Oh, no.
	He's a fucking creep.
	He's against abortion.
	Even if you've been raped or incest, he can go fuck himself.
	Sounds good to me.
	Don't get raped.
	I'm just kidding.
	Don't walk around in sexuality.
	That is not my favorite.
	How we got a pretty wife, as ugly as he is, and beautiful daughters, is beyond me.
	Maybe she went with him because he's got money.
	Who knows?
	541, we're going to give him a second chance.
	541?
	Hello.
	I'm just going to keep adding people until I hear something.
	Yeah, something's up.
	843?
	I disconnected, reconnected.
	What the fuck is going on?
	You're doing something wrong.
	I always assume you're doing something wrong.
	Will Trump run again?
	Yes.
	What the hell?
	It worked once.
	It did, right?
	I think we're going to have to say goodbye to people.
	I'll read one more letter.
	I was just curious if your Lady Gaga boner had anything to do with A Star is Born.
	It did for me.
	What a smoke show.
	She's kind of on the edge being weird without weird-looking, which makes her way hotter because she's still a smoke show, but we're looking.
	I would like to make an announcement today, formally.
	I now have a boner for Lady Gaga.
	What?
	Because she's going to be in Joker 2?
	The Gucci movie put it over the edge.
	She was always like Katy Perry, a woman I knew objectively was an eight, but my dick was gay for her.
	Like, it felt nothing.
	She could be climbing all over me, and I'd be like, do you have any Cialis?
	But then A Star is Born with No Makeup was a major winner.
	And then this put her over the edge.
	Is that her or Gaga?
	Is this the original woman?
	That's Gaga.
	Wow.
	The original woman is in the black and white arrest photo.
	What did you think of Lies of Minelli?
	No, thank you.
	Stephanie Gene.
	I didn't like her.
	She got on TV before she got famous and knocked her mother, Judy Garland.
	The dumb bitch wound up in a wheelchair.
	Did you see that expose documentary about her?
	The lies of Minelli?
	It's really good.
	And Lady Gaga, of course.
	Your obsession with puns is like some Russian dude who just learned English three years ago.
	It's like the lies of Minelli.
	That is what we are doing here.
	Okay, folks, we're going to go behind the paywall and take a lot more calls.
	Ideally, we get this fixed.
	But for your freeloaders, you can go fuck yourselves.
	And you understand that the non-freeloaders have to pay a beer and a half a month to enjoy this show.
	And it's not just my show.
	Maddie has his own show where he cooks in his tiny, shitty little kitchen.
	Oh, yeah, Maddie's shitty little kitchen.
	Split pea soup with smoked ham hock chests.
	We've got Isabelle O'Reilly doing incredibly controversial.
	And watch what you say about Russians.
	I'm one quarter Russian.
	Oh.
	Well, then you're one quarter shitty.
	I'm one quarter what?
	What?
	What?
	We've got Atheism is Unstoppable, Jim Goad, Josh LaCash.
	There's more shows on this network per day than you should watch.
	If you watch every single thing we put out, you don't have a life.
	And that's a good sign.
	When I started this, it was just me.
	And I didn't want to say new content every day because it was only really four days a week.
	There was one show.
	Now, and we're getting more.
	Can watch old shows like Milo when he had Nick.
	We got all my CRTV shit in there.
	We got Milo, Copper Cab, all that old stuff.
	Go back to Copper Cab.
	Cornell West debating Candace Owens.
	Punk Cross Patriot.
	A couple of deep cuts in there.
	Josh Denny's new show, Big Time Sportsity Sports Show.
	So subscribe.
	It's worth it.
	And then unsubscribe if you think you made a mistake.
	At any rate, I'm going to go pee, and we're going to come back in about 10 seconds behind the paywall.
	So for all you freeloaders out there, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Play till the sun.
	Play till the sun.
	Get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Speaker on campus here.
	Fuck you.
	He's a fucking comedian, writer, actor, comedian.
	He's the co-founder of Vike.
	No fucking other vagina, you gross pig.
	Serious XM, who is the fuck on the update, movie of the speaker.
	You got big fucking pigs.
	I watched that and I said, this dick's too retarded to fuck.
	You shouldn't do it.
	They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.
	This is the part of Seth that's gonna get real mean before I leave.
	Wow.
	I see booty, I see booty, I see booty, I see booty.
	No more filthy.
	You k*ing a **.
	They think we want to tell those kind of jokes.
	I'm so excited.
	I'm so excited.
	You ever been in a fist fight, Sylvia?
	A fist fight?
	Yeah.
	I've seen them.
	I never got into it.
	Do you ever see someone get get killed?
	A verbal fight?
	Yes.
	What the?
	Have you ever seen anyone get killed?
	Murdered?
	Yeah.
	No comment.
	Ooh.
	Juicy.
	What about you, Maddie?
	Yeah, both.
	Both?
	Well, we know you've been in fights.
	Yeah, I've seen people get killed.
	How were they killed?
	Shot?
	Shot, stabbed.
	Motorcycle accidents, something like that, too.
	That's weird, huh?
	I know somebody who attempted murder on two people.
	What happened there?
	Was that in New Rock?
	That was that in the Bronx?
	Boogie Down Bronx?
	One was in New Rochelle.
	The other was in Forest Hills, Queens.
	What happened with the New Rochelle one?
	Didn't succeed.
	Who was trying to kill who?
	No, I'm sorry, not New Rochelle.
	Manhattan.
	Who was trying to kill who?
	One person was trying to kill the victim.
	With what?
	Candelabra in the library?
	What?
	Hands.
	Beat him to death.
	No.
	Strangle him.
	Throw him out the window.
	Oh, shit.
	But the guy managed to, like, not be put in the window.
	I remember when my little brother, I tried to put him in the window.
	That makes you think it was a guy.
	What?
	It was a woman against a man.
	Oh, the woman was trying to throw him out the window.
	That was one.
	Was the woman you?
	No.
	Then it was woman to woman.
	Neither succeeded.
	What was the woman to woman want?
	Attempted murders.
	I think if a woman wants to throw me out the window, I'm not too concerned.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Do you want to put my phone while you try?
	The only reason she didn't succeed throwing him out the window, because he grabbed her arm and said, I'll take you with me.
	That stopped her.
	Well, I think that's a good idea.
	He did deserve it.
	Why?
	What did he do?
	No comment.
	He raped her?
	No.
	We're on a talk show.
	Robbed her.
	Robbed.
	Okay.
	That's not a secret.
	We haven't even named names.
	You're not snitching.
	Oh, his name was Rob?
	Rob.
	Rob D. Who's Ron?
	We have callers.
	Okay, let's talk to them.
	Rob.
	R-O-B-B-E-D.
	Yeah, D-D.
	He had erectile dysfunction?
	Oh, hey, Calla.
	Look at Babbitt.
	Remember what?
	Mrs. Babbitt.
	How are y'all guys doing?
	Good.
	How are you?
	Pretty good.
	I've been working in Texas all week, ready to get back to South Carolina.
	I did not hear one word of that.
	He said he's been working in Texas all week.
	Can't wait to get back to South Carolina.
	Oh, cool.
	What do you dislike about Texas?
	I'm just ready to be back home with the family.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I feel you.
	When you're away from your kids, I assume you have kids.
	One that's in the Navy and one that's a senior in high school.
	When you're away from your kids, well, they're getting older, so you don't miss them as much because they don't like you.
	But when you're away from your kids, your younger kids, like the first three days, you're like, freedom, yeah.
	And then the fourth day, you start going, all right, I miss you guys.
	This sucks.
	Exactly.
	I don't know how these military dudes do a year.
	I'd go nuts.
	Or these jail dudes.
	What can we do you for?
	I just wanted to share a quick prison story with you.
	Somebody gave you one a couple episodes back, and it was awful.
	Okay, well, you know, my prison stories aren't great because I only did four hours in Midtown.
	I think we should probably air to Maddie if we're going to do prison stories.
	All right, so I went to prison in Georgia when I was 19, and about five years in, they sent me a- Wait, stop, stop.
	What did you do?
	What I pled guilty to, attempted armed robbery, aggravated assault, and a couple of small minor felonies.
	Okay, gotcha.
	Caught up.
	Is that all?
	About four or five years in, I got shipped to a, they call it close security camp because I kept getting written up.
	And there was a booty bandit in my dorm.
	And it was this little slender, small white kid.
	And he kept trying to get with the guy.
	And he kept telling him no.
	And finally, he took the booty from him one night.
	And the next day we were all sitting out watching TV.
	And it was a two-tiered dorm.
	And we had slow buffers that they had to buff the floor with before inspection.
	And the booty bang that was down with his boys doing their workouts and stuff up under the top range doing pull-ups and sit-ups and push-ups.
	And the little kid that got his booty.
	Oh, fuck.
	Hello?
	No fucking way.
	That sounds like the guy who had a problem with his son fighting too much in high school and kicking ass and taking names.
	Remember that guy?
	He kept beating up black bullies in high school?
	Yeah.
	And we think it's shenanigans?
	What?
	What's detective shitty got on his fucking record here?
	No, remember a long time ago he said, I'm worried about my son.
	He keeps fighting.
	He's going to get into trouble.
	And we're like, but he keeps fighting for the right reasons.
	Sounds awesome.
	I'm restarting my thing here.
	We're connected as the host.
	Cool.
	This should work.
	Your caller's from the call.
	Okay, here's an intro.
	You tell me when you get him back on.
	Here's the market.
	Hello, you there?
	Yeah, I'm still here.
	So we got cut off there, sorry.
	Are you the guy who called about your son fighting too much in high school?
	No, I remember that guy called him, though, but that's not me.
	He sounded exactly like you.
	So the booty bandit is there.
	Everyone's working out.
	The booty bandit victim is also there, the little boy who allowed.
	Did he allow himself to get raped?
	No, if he took it, he probably knocked him out.
	Somehow, the guy who was in the room with the kid swapped out rooms at lockdown that night and let the booty bandit go in his room, and I guess he took it from him with a shank.
	Oh.
	That sucks.
	Getting raped at knife point.
	Call me old-fashioned, but I don't want that.
	So you're at the workout area.
	Yeah, so we're sitting in the day room watching TV, and dudes are over there working out up under the top range.
	And the kid who got his booty took went and got one of the slow buffers and brought it around the top range like he was going to buff his room.
	And he just lifted it up, put it up on the rail, and dumped it straight off the rail on top of dude's ass while he was down doing push-ups.
	Wow.
	And what did it do to him?
	Did it kill him?
	No.
	Oh, we never saw him again.
	They came and took him out, and he was bleeding from everywhere.
	It landed like high back, right below his neck.
	Are those things like 300 pounds or 400 pounds?
	They're not that heavy.
	No?
	No, it's a buffer machine.
	Oh, a slow buffer?
	Yeah, slow buffer is pretty heavy.
	I mean, it's not 300 pounds.
	Yes, it was 300 pounds.
	No, no, no, no.
	Slow buffer is like buffing floors?
	Yeah, it's just an industrial machine.
	What, guys go and buff the floor of their cell?
	Yeah, all the time.
	Yeah, you ain't got no choice.
	It's like the military in Georgia.
	They have to do it.
	You fail cell inspections.
	You fix it every day.
	Yeah, they come and clean.
	They check everything.
	Every week?
	I can't see my face in your floor.
	You have no more cigarette privileges.
	Some people take it to extremes.
	Like, it looks like ice.
	They buff their chairs.
	Crazy.
	Do I?
	Yeah.
	You gotta see somebody They got fucking They put But, like, the ones I've been in once before, so they got toilet seats.
	They got, like, towels and socks that go around it for your – Craziness.
	Yeah, there's some good institutionalized people locked up that go above and beyond.
	Yeah, they're called whites.
	Just kidding.
	Thanks for calling.
	This is an interesting letter.
	Asians in school.
	The problem is there are, because on an earlier episode this week, I said, I'm all about meritocracy.
	I hate affirmative action.
	If that means that our schools are all Asians, fine.
	I don't give a shit.
	The NBA is all black.
	I don't care.
	And someone brought up a good point.
	They go, the problem is there are billions of these guys.
	They could, with ease, displace the entire white college population.
	Not to mention we may be training Chinese people who will soon be at war with us.
	But that aside, are you really okay with a foreign population monopolizing secondary education?
	Touche.
	I guess the caveat here is that I'm for strong borders.
	So I don't want these people coming in using our education system and then leaving.
	Should we allow foreigners to get degrees at our colleges and then leave?
	No.
	No, we shouldn't.
	You can come here on vacation, but to stay here for the time you would need to get a degree, that's four years.
	How is a foreigner coming here for four years?
	They get student visas.
	No.
	No more student visas.
	Sorry.
	I'm serious.
	I hear you.
	You can come here on an exchange program or something cute in high school, but no.
	You can't live in America for four years because you're rich.
	That's not the deal.
	There's visas, there's green cards, there's immigration.
	You marry someone, you're born here, that kind of shit.
	The shit I had to do to get my deal.
	If Ryan doesn't have a dad, how in the hell does he exist?
	Is Ryan a deep fake himself?
	That's a good point.
	Hey, fags, I quit drinking eight months ago.
	I haven't been late in eight months.
	Although work and everything else seems to be getting better, and I wasn't fucking Quality Girls anyways.
	Should I pick it back up or what?
	Well, I'm not going to say pick it back up.
	I don't know your deal.
	What if I kill this guy?
	But I've been having trouble with booze.
	I've been working out every day, like running with five-pound weights in each hand, which sucks, especially through the forest.
	But I still, man, I have a bar in my fucking basement.
	Whose idea was that?
	Yours.
	So my wife watches her shows.
	She's in bed like after the kids at 9.30.
	Then she watches shows like 10.30 alone.
	She doesn't want to watch shows with me.
	Although we watch White Lotus tonight.
	So I'm just walking around my house.
	What am I going to do?
	Read a book?
	Like a fag?
	Yeah, poor.
	And then you're like, I could drink a beer and watch this awesome documentary, but I don't know.
	It's like, would you like to smoke a joint or do a line or do heroin?
	You should get on top of her and humpah.
	Exactly.
	So I guess my answer to that guy's question, I hadn't really thought about it.
	He brought up a good point that I hadn't thought about.
	I guess my answer is stop student visas.
	Doesn't make sense.
	The big question is, do we still have a democracy?
	Are we losing a democracy in the grand old USA?
	Yes.
	The election was stolen.
	And I think Hokul and Lee Zeldon, the Led Zeppelin cover band, are so close that the Dems are just going to go, let's just fucking cheat.
	They're already cheating.
	They're having government employees take down Lee Zeldin signs.
	Sanitation workers, politicians themselves are taking down the signs.
	And you know why Lee Zeldon isn't taking down Kathy Hochul signs?
	These are, by the way, the governors of New York who are running for governor of New York.
	There are none.
	No one likes Hokul.
	Nobody.
	So if she wins, we have another Biden on our tail.
	And if Fetterman wins.
	Oh, my God.
	We're living in Zimbabwe.
	No, she, because he, for whatever his twisted, perverted emotions are, he feels that if a woman is raped or incest or the life of a woman is threatened, no abortion.
	Fuck him where he breathes.
	In his mouth.
	Lungs.
	Fuck him in his lungs?
	That's a deep thing.
	Let it happen to his wife and then let him tell his wife, have the baby of a rapist or incest, or you're going to die, but you're not going to get an abortion.
	Fuck him where he breathes.
	Amen.
	Whoa.
	You hear a lot of different viewpoints on this show.
	Are you pro-life or pro-choice?
	Me?
	Growing up, my mother.
	Pro-life.
	She'd want a million kids.
	I don't think abortion is a good thing.
	I mean, in the rare cases of, like, incest and rape, you know, I don't think that you should have to bear the child of a a rapist.
	But, you know, it's like asking if you're pro-life, are you pro for the death penalty?
	You want to, like, have people killed too?
	Yes, I do want people killed.
	You know, so.
	I'm pro-life.
	Right.
	I think life against a conception.
	Pro-life.
	I mean, with the caveat of, like, if you raped incest, stuff like that.
	Why don't you ask a woman?
	The death penalty is self-defense.
	Woman and her body.
	Don't ask a man.
	He doesn't care about it.
	What about the baby woman in the woman?
	What?
	What about the baby if that's a baby girl?
	That's a female in the womb.
	She has to die in that.
	It's a boy or a girl.
	Okay, but say it's a girl.
	You're making this about gender.
	It's a woman's right to choose what killer wants to come with her body.
	And in the Jewish religion, in the Jewish religion, a baby is not a living thing until it comes out of the mother's body.
	singing
	Yeah, but what happens when they start using it as contraception?
	You know what else I'm thinking too?
	How many false rape accusations?
	At one night stand, a girl wasn't going to accuse a guy of rape, but that's the only way to get abortion, so now she calls him a rapist.
	So there's got to be.
	You're talking about the very rare cases.
	It's your choice as a woman if you want to get laid.
	What about the woman in the womb?
	What about the woman to be?
	What about the baby girl?
	Wait a minute.
	Slow down, Gavin.
	It's a woman's choice if she wants to get lazy and who she wants to fuck.
	And it's her body who she wants to fuck.
	So it should be her body what she wants done if she's pregnant.
	Yeah, but you're forgetting a body here.
	The body in the body.
	The baby.
	In the Jewish religion, a baby is not a living creature until it comes out of the woman's body.
	You said you're a Christian.
	I'll always be a Jew to the day I die.
	I believe in Jesus who was a Jew.
	The microphone.
	My roots.
	The microphone.
	My heritage.
	I'm a Jew.
	Microphone.
	My roots and my heritage.
	I'm a Jewess.
	Okay?
	But you believe in Jesus Christ.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Why are you showing Maddie when I'm talking to her?
	What?
	Say what, bro?
	That was an aggressive what.
	I was like, damn, Stone Cold Steve Austin in the house.
	Would Gav wear these Levi's?
	Someone asks.
	And he shows us some pants that are $87,000.
	They look like pants I've seen at Japanese used clothing stores.
	Yeah, that raw denim stuff is fucking expensive.
	Why is the fly all like, hey, how you doing over here?
	That's why they were left there.
	Guy felt guilty about his slutty pants.
	Some poor jeans.
	That's my wife's pussy after our third kid.
	And just so you know, Jews are not white people.
	We're a Semitic desert tribe.
	We are not white.
	We may look white, but we're not white.
	I disagree.
	I think Jews are white.
	You're wrong.
	I think a lot of people are white.
	Puerto Rican people.
	We're not Jews.
	Jews are a Semitic desert tribe.
	That's a scientific fact, a biblical fact, and a physical fact.
	We are not white people.
	We are not Caucasians like you, Gavin.
	Like you, Maddie.
	So what if a black guy converts to Judaism?
	They got Ethiopian Jews who are as black as Kohl.
	So are they a different race than you?
	No.
	So you are the same race as an Ethiopian Jews.
	Ethiopian Jews and the Jews in America, we're all a desert Semitic tribe.
	That's our origin.
	So you're the same race as a black Ethiopian Jew.
	Yeah, I have seen one.
	No, but you're the same race as one.
	Buccanee.
	Think about what you'd think about.
	Wait, can there be white Jews, though, if there's a white guy who converts to Judaism?
	What if I converted to Judaism?
	That's up to you.
	But would we be the same race then?
	No.
	Race has nothing to do with your religious belief.
	I'm out of here.
	Bye.
	Okay.
	You have hurt me today.
	You have hurt me today.
	Do we got a call on the line?
	I think we do, frankly.
	Feel free to direct your calls.
	If they ask Maddie or Sylvia something, can they hear the response?
	Yeah, from Maddie's, they might be able to.
	They might be able to?
	No, they do.
	They will.
	Well, if Sylvia says something, you just got to kind of be in the vicinity.
	Why?
	Because it's going through Maddie's mic?
	No, his lav mic.
	Oh, we're using lavs for the call.
	Those are wide open.
	They don't have a gate or a direction like these do, so they will pick up a lot of extra stuff.
	Okay.
	Yeah, same thing here.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	Oh, these guys are talking to each other.
	We're about to give up.
	I've had a lot of time to think about what I was going to say.
	It's like.
	Hey, man.
	Oh, wait, don't ruin it.
	I was going to say, just let them go.
	I'm about to give up.
	Never stop fighting.
	541 or 407?
	Which one, Gav, first?
	Yeah, 541, this Derek.
	What's up, guy?
	407, please wait.
	Hey.
	Hey, yeah, so I heard Sylvia ask a question before, you know, why aren't people laughing anymore?
	And I don't know what your thought on this is, but I do think that the right is laughing.
	We're laughing at the left, and it's like the meme wars and all of these other things.
	I don't know what your thought on this is.
	Yeah, good point.
	We're all still laughing at the absurdity.
	That's why we say the left can't meme, because we are sitting here memeing our asses off, laughing at Biden and Fetterman and Eric Adams and Nancy Pelosi.
	Like, their side is replete with retards.
	But yeah, great point.
	Thanks for calling.
	Let's power through these.
	I hate when people are waiting forever.
	Sorry, I've been neglecting the callers.
	Let's get through them.
	Come on, guys.
	What's the next one?
	Next one is 407.
	407.
	You're on the line.
	Let's go.
	Hi, boys.
	Hey, man.
	Proud, unapologetic butt boy here.
	Great.
	Great to meet you.
	Yes, absolutely.
	Likewise.
	So, famous comedian Nig, I mean, Tig Notaro had a joke about Chaz Bono.
	Oh.
	Did you hear Chastity Bono became a band and it's now Chaz Bono?
	She basically kept the Chaz and cut off the titty.
	Thanks for calling.
	I love you too.
	That's a pretty good joke.
	That's pretty good.
	I hung out with Nick Tig Nataro once.
	I guess I like her after that one.
	Next caller.
	He literally, he said, Nick Natara.
	Next.
	They cut her titties off.
	317?
	317, you're on the line.
	Wow, that amazing.
	That's amazing.
	Jesse Lee.
	Wow, that amazing A Ryan.
	Are you a beta?
	Why do you do that?
	Why do your hair look like that?
	I mean, why do you do that, Ryan?
	Amazing.
	You look like a beta.
	Wow.
	I mean, come on, man.
	Come on, dog.
	This is Jesse Lee Peterson.
	I'm calling in.
	I'm calling in about the Lord Jesus Christ.
	You need to forgive your mother.
	Why would I have to call into the show?
	Well, you got to use your telephone.
	When you're telepathic, this is a better Jesse Lee Peterson than you, Ryan.
	Yeah, right.
	Yeah, right.
	You're getting this truck around here.
	Well, how are you going to do that?
	Are you an atheist?
	I think we get it.
	What the?
	Listen, you need to do me three things.
	A meet you're a lesbian.
	A baiter.
	Well, that is amazing, Ryan, because you are an atheist and a homosexual.
	You need to forgive your mother.
	You are being a slut.
	Because women lie.
	You're a child of the law.
	I can barely hear you, Ryan.
	You're a child of the law.
	You're a child of the law.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Dude, are you coming through my fucking mic?
	Yeah, you're saying, yes.
	That's ridiculous.
	I've tried splitters.
	You're coming through my mic?
	Oh, no, you're Lav.
	Whatever.
	My Lav mic, Lavalier mic, which is, we're 15 feet apart right now.
	Yes.
	That's retarded.
	There's no other way.
	Why don't you have one of these?
	Because there's only one box is only two mics per box.
	So I would have to switch them.
	And I have the splitter that I was like, oh, let me put two of them in there at once.
	No workie.
	That's retarded.
	That has to be fixed before next show.
	Okay.
	Has to be fixed before next show.
	Dan Halloween.
	That's a weird name.
	Wait, I want to say one thing.
	It was funny when Jesse Lee Peterson was at AFPAC because he's talking to all these white conservatives, some black dudes, but white conservatives.
	He's like, look, your father abandoned you when you were young, and you need to get over that and stop hating him.
	And we're all like, I talked to my dad, like, my dad's right here.
	We came together.
	This is our annual political trip that we do every year.
	He's like, I didn't abandon you.
	Yeah, I know.
	We're cool.
	They gave me the wrong steak.
	But no, he just wanted his well done, so it shrunk.
	So it looked like they gave him a different thing.
	He's like, whoa, why'd they get different things?
	Like, well, you wanted yours the most wellest done and stuff.
	With ketchup.
	I want ketchup and mac and cheese on it.
	But it was funny, though, when that waiter was leaving.
	He was like, you give all the white people all the good meat, huh?
	It was funny.
	Everybody laughed.
	It was funny.
	Yes.
	Because the white people ordered the good meat.
	You fucking burnt yours.
	We all said rare, medium rare, and you said burn the shit out of it till it's a piece of coal.
	You are what you eat.
	I wanted to eat me to keep me and me.
	All right.
	Next call.
	Dan Halloween.
	Is this true?
	All right, let me try.
	That's fun.
	I'm periodically disconnecting and connecting this program.
	Okay.
	So it's taking us a hot second.
	Let's check up on these.
	Ooh, conspiracy theory.
	We have a super chat.
	$100 coming in.
	Oh, conspiracy theory.
	This one hit me when you were talking about Fetterman last week.
	To get more power to control the population, the deep state will bait the far right to riot.
	Yes, that's what happened at my talk, and that's what the Paul Pelosi thing might be.
	And that's definitely what January 6th was.
	Though they have lost the ability to fix the election in many states, they still have it in Pennsylvania.
	By fixing it for a brain-dead caveman, again, they are putting the issue right in the face of the far right, tempting them to do another Jan 6.
	Ooh, that's a good theory.
	Don't take the bait, spelled wrong.
	We need to play the long game, fixing the system in one state at a time.
	Thoughts?
	Because if you give up ground, right, I mean, it could be over forever.
	Yeah, but don't riot.
	No, don't riot.
	What about Brazil?
	That's what he's saying.
	Don't take the bait.
	Oh, yeah, definitely never riot.
	I don't know how those fucking losers in Brazil could have not enjoyed Bolsonaro.
	It could be rigged.
	But they got a socialist moron.
	They're rioting.
	They're making Jan 6 look like Mr. Rogers' neighborhood and that shit.
	All right, guys, seriously.
	Area code 317.
	I've been on the line for 30 minutes.
	It sounds like an air raid signer's blasting through my ears.
	Ryan, what the fuck is going on?
	Do your job.
	I just donated $50 towards this issue.
	So here's another $100.
	Please fix the goddamn fucking phone lines.
	Didn't we already talk to him?
	317?
	Yeah, that was Jesse Lee.
	317.
	Okay, cool, cool.
	That problem's been fixed.
	Okay, 678.
	Show the cheap ones.
	we just don't have to read them.
	Porn for men, let's see.
	Hey guys, porn for men.
	I don't know about you, but this gets my juices full and I'll pull up that link.
	You don't have to, it's only 10 bucks.
	Joseph, 678.
	Go ahead, 678.
	Hello?
	Yeah, what's going on?
	Hey, I just want to talk about how you always bring up medicine or healthcare as the most, like, the biggest, the best example for like meritocracy for, you know, I hate to talk about it, but like Jewish people.
	And, you know, I work in healthcare and I see nepotism and like corruption all the time in regards to Jewish people, not just Jewish people, like Indians.
	And it's who you know in healthcare.
	It's not just because you're smart, but it's who you know.
	So doctors, neurosurgeons will be there unqualified, but because they knew the right person, they're doing a brain operation.
	No, I mean, there's tons of qualified, you know, really smart doctors, all, you know, different colors.
	I mean, primarily white and Asian.
	But Jewish people, if you have, see, a Jewish person who's like an attending, right, who's a neurosurgeon, they're going to choose a neurology resident over like a white guy.
	You know what I mean?
	So brilliant neurosurgeons that are non-Jewish will get passed over.
	Yeah, basically, yeah.
	And have you seen that a lot?
	It's the same with India.
	Yeah, it's the same with Indians.
	There's a lot of these Gujaratis and a lot of them I work with.
	If you know a Patel, you're going to get an upper end over some other person who's not Indian.
	So Indians have corrupt nepotism too in the medicine field.
	Yeah.
	Absolutely.
	So there's this sort of tribalism in the medicine field, but it's not solely Jews.
	It's all different groups.
	Indians, Jews.
	Who else?
	That's right, Gavin.
	Just those two groups?
	Hello?
	Okay, now we're going to go ahead and get it.
	Gavin tells it like it is.
	Hello, Gabe.
	I like when you say bald.
	I would like it even more if you were bald.
	That being said, I would donate $10,000 to Max and John.
	I'm not joking.
	Think about it.
	I'll shave my head to give Max and John $10,000.
	$10,000?
	Bakarooney.
	I'm going to email that to myself so we can correspond.
	I'm not nuts about it.
	But, Oh, Oh, we got an okay.
	Okay, here we go.
	I'm sorry, you were just on, sir.
	We got somebody new, 360.
	360?
	Go ahead, call it.
	Hey, speaking about the Jews and the healthcare, you know, I know you know all about this, Gavin.
	I've been doing a lot of research on the foreskin.
	The best guy to look at is Brian Earp.
	D-A-R-P, Brian D. Earp.
	But I never had a...
	Yeah.
	So now when you put it back in your pants, do you keep the foreskin pulled back or do you just?
	No, no, it's very sensitive.
	It feels like a burn.
	Like it's I try to keep it pulled back, you know, just so it can kind of dry off.
	But I've got a sound that yeah.
	And you put your penis back in your pants with your foreskin back unsheathed?
	Well, after I pee, yeah, just so I can, you know.
	That doesn't feel sensitive?
	You never get the last dropout until it's in your pants, right?
	Yeah.
	But it's like an open wound.
	It's very sensitive.
	Well, that's like putting your eyeball back in your pants without an eyelid on it.
	Well, except for when I was a kid, this nurse yanked my foreskin back when it was still attached to the head of my penis.
	So I lost a little bit of sensitivity on the very head.
	But some nurses who are stupid do that shit quite a bit.
	Wait, you lost sensitivity on your head from that?
	If she yanked your foreskin back, she would have ripped your fnellum, that little thing under your tongue.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	She tore your fresnellum?
	I had my fresnellum torn.
	It just fixes.
	Yeah.
	And then you're fine again.
	But I don't understand how your head isn't sensitive.
	Let me taste it.
	Well, it's sensitive, but I just like to keep it pulled back, put it in my pants.
	But the thing is, is that it falls forward again, and then I end up with pubic hair trapped in between my penis and my foreskin, which is no biggie, really.
	Dude, you don't know how to work your own dick.
	Your dick license revoked.
	Well, maybe I need to shave my pubic hair a little more.
	By the way, I can't believe I'm saying this.
	I don't have to tell my five-year-old this, even though he's nine.
	Roll your foreskin forward after you're done pissing.
	Well, I shouldn't.
	Shake it.
	Milk it.
	Get the piss out.
	Why isn't he circumcised?
	Well, my question is, well, you see, your phone, it sounds like someone fucking shaving their goddamn pubic hair while sending a fax or shaving their asshole.
	Anyway, here's the question.
	Have you ever tried them sheath underwear?
	You know, the ones that got the two different pouches?
	No, but I'm interested in it.
	I've been having some bag rot recently, and I'd like to try those.
	Anyway, that's enough penis talk.
	Thanks for calling.
	Penis Talk.
	This is from a chick.
	Please, for the love of God, tell Proud Boys to stay away from the comedy show and all other shows going forward, for that matter.
	They are stupid and sabotage everything.
	If they hadn't shown up at the Penn State protest, I guarantee your speech would have happened.
	I don't think so.
	There was two guys in Fred Perry's who showed up.
	They showed up kind of early.
	They walked up to the door.
	They got their faces pounded in.
	or one of them did, the big, tall, black guy didn't get touched, and then they walked away.
	The pepper spray guy was not a proud boy.
	I think that was a lefty, and it was the pepper spray that canceled the event.
	So, I don't think you're right on that, my dear.
	Might be able to get sheathers.
	What's all these people saying our phones are hurting their ears?
	See, here's my thing.
	I'm going to drop that.
	We got 14 people online.
	I'm going to reopen the thing, but everybody gets dropped.
	So, I'm trying not to do that, but I think that's what's going to have to happen here.
	Okay, fine.
	Dump them all.
	Sorry, guys.
	Sorry, guys, you're going to have to call back.
	And you have nine minutes left.
	Nine.
	All the kids in Utica, that's right, the correct pronunciation, right?
	Utica, New York.
	All the kids in Utica are in gangs.
	Asians versus blacks versus the Bosnians.
	The Asian gangs are just as bad as the blacks.
	My buddy lives in an Asian neighborhood, and those fucking chinks, horrible term, broke into my truck and stole a shotgun my father gave me.
	Should you be leaving a shotgun in your truck?
	America.
	I've had a pack of 15-year-old black kids attempt to jump me and steal my backpack.
	I was lucky I had a skateboard and was able to scare them off.
	I've seen tons of drug bus fights, stabbings, and shooting in Utica.
	The Utica cops have a tank called the Armadillo that is covered in cameras and they park it in front of drug houses.
	Holy shit.
	What a shithole.
	It's a huge college town.
	Weird.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	I'm feeling like this is going to work here.
	So, 515.
	Oh, wait.
	I think.
	Oh, I think everybody stayed on.
	Hello?
	Hello.
	What's up, dog?
	All right.
	So let me just say that anyone who serves in the military and put their life at risk, they're infinitely braver than me.
	They're not worthy to sniff your cheeks.
	But don't you think that it's despicable for a person or a man to leave his wife and kids and go across the country?
	Like, that's just, you're abandoning your family.
	I would never do that to my wife and kids.
	Like, there's nothing, I would never destroy my family or damage them emotionally for any country, no matter how great it is.
	Okay, what about the American Revolution when you're starting America?
	Should you have just stayed home and not kicked the British out?
	Well, you got me there.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	The military today is all volunteer.
	Yeah, but he's saying that's wrong.
	You shouldn't sign up for something where you're going to be away from your family.
	What I'm saying is they're joining at 17 and 18 years old before married with kids.
	Plenty of people are married with kids.
	At 18?
	No, but you see the videos where they come back.
	Right.
	What I'm saying is when they join, they sign a contract for a certain amount of years.
	Oh, I see.
	They usually join the marriage.
	And then later, then they get married, then they have kids.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So they're going into the deal, the wedding, and the marriage knowing that they could be deployed.
	You sign up for the military.
	That's what they do.
	Yeah.
	I mean, we've had war since the beginning of time.
	Of course.
	So accept that war is a thing and accept that you're going to have to fight for your, there's going to be a group of people that have to fight for that tribe.
	In Indian clans, there's like the medicine men, there's the warrior clan, and they generationally will always be the warrior clan.
	That's why so many Indians join the military because they're like, I'm a warrior clan.
	This is what I do.
	It's in my blood.
	So he's implying that the job doesn't have to happen.
	The job has to happen.
	Someone has to do it.
	What, is there no military?
	Well, we used to have, I think, like 2 million volunteer military in America.
	So once you accept that there has to be a military, then the fact that you have a wife and kids at home becomes irrelevant.
	You know, that's like saying you shouldn't, what's the most dangerous job in America?
	Being a lineman, being in the fire department, meatpacking district.
	I don't think cops, as far as a death rate goes, I don't think it's in the top where the most people die.
	Yeah.
	The most dangerous in this generation.
	Probably like fishing.
	Roofer.
	Lodger.
	Top 25 most dangerous jobs in the United States.
	Number one, logging workers.
	Aircraft pilots.
	Derek operators.
	I was best friends with a guy named Derek for a long time.
	It was a huge pain in the head.
	Did you have to operate him?
	That sounds dangerous.
	Who's next?
	Roofers, garbage collectors.
	How do garbage collectors die?
	Hit by cars and stuff like that?
	Oh.
	Yeah, they're hanging off.
	Oh, I get it.
	I'm glad they didn't fucking fall in the thing.
	Maybe they did.
	Iron workers, delivery drivers, farmers is eight.
	Nine is firefighting supervisors.
	Ten is power linemen.
	Agricultural workers, crossing guards.
	You don't think of that as dangerous, but I guess it makes sense.
	People hit by cars.
	Some drunk driver.
	Someone's looking at their, you know, their console, then they look up.
	Crane operators, construction helpers, landscaping supervisors.
	Anyway, you got the idea.
	We have a call on.
	We have four minutes left, guys.
	Let's see what we're doing.
	Go ahead and call her.
	856, you might want to say there.
	856.
	Go ahead.
	Did you leave us?
	Hello?
	Hello.
	Okay.
	856.
	I'll try again.
	Very important grammar call for Gavin.
	Okay.
	Let's see.
	Do you think the plural of octopus is octopi?
	That's not a good sound.
	Very anticlimactic ending to the show, Ryan.
	Let's see, we got more super chats.
	All right, guys, paid $100.
	Oh, we already talked to him.
	We already talked to him.
	We talked to those guys.
	Welcome, host.
	You are now in the host room and can manage your callers from the Collins Studio web interface.
	Nice.
	All right.
	610.
	610.
	Hello?
	610.
	Hello, 610.
	Oh, what's up?
	I got a question about grammar.
	Okay.
	So, like, when people are talking about measurements, like a million, let's just say a million two or a thousand two or whatever.
	And they're like, oh, millions.
	Is that proper?
	If you're only talking about like one million and some change?
	No.
	Like, one million.
	Huh?
	If it's millions, it has to be more than one.
	So 2.1 million is millions, and that's kind of dirty pool.
	If someone says 2.1 million is millions, you know they're a dick and they're trying to make a point, but they're technically correct.
	But 1.9 million is not millions.
	Okay, okay, okay.
	Yeah, I just hear people use that all the time, and I'm always like, what the fuck?
	Like, it's not millions.
	Okay.
	Cool, Bean.
	Answer my question.
	Thanks for watching.
	All right.
	Thanks.
	Love you.
	Okay, now we got 856.
	Go ahead, 856.
	Yo, how you doing, guys?
	Yo, Ryan, love you.
	I think your skits are great.
	From one podcaster, producer to another, you got to do it a little bit better, my friend.
	Okay.
	Gavin, on the other hand, Gavin, I got to pick a bone with you, man.
	One of your top channels is an atheistic channel, you would think, but even though he doesn't talk about atheism, why every other episode that you do, you have to bash atheism and, you know, not Christianity?
	Like, what's the deal with that, my friend?
	Why do I bash atheism?
	Because I think it's bad for the Western civilization.
	I think it's a Christian-based culture.
	Christians are.
	What?
	We're just as moral and ethical as Christians are.
	I didn't say you weren't.
	Okay.
	Where do those morals come from?
	The backbone of Western society is Christianity.
	It's good for society.
	That's true.
	It's good for society.
	That's true.
	It invented the whole concept of freedom of speech, of empathy for other people.
	It invented the whole concept of meritocracy.
	Atheism believe in that too, as well.
	We believe in free speech and all that stuff.
	No, you have less beliefs than us.
	We have the same beliefs, but you guys peace out early and we keep going.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	God is great, and he's why you're allowed to be here and doubt him.
	Christ is king.
	You follow nobody.
	What do they believe?
	I really don't even know.
	I mean, here's my deal with atheists.
	They live in a world where they have the luxury of saying, I don't believe in God because God-believing, God-fearing people have built the society that they can now just poo-poo.
	It's almost like, you know, the free speech people, like, where they're like, like, the soul just dies.
	To me, it's like socialists and communists in America.
	They sit here on their laptops and their iPhones and talk about how evil capitalism is.
	And you're like, you're in it, bitch.
	If you're an atheist, you're in God's creation.
	And you're like, this is gay.
	It's weird that atheist morals are always very similar to the commandments and the morals of the Bible, too.
	Where do you think you get the morals from?
	And they always assume that you think that you don't murder because of the Bible and they're going to be murderers because they don't have the Bible.
	No, I never said that.
	That's a dumb argument.
	Ricky Gervais is like, no, I just don't believe in your God.
	How many gods are there?
	250 gods?
	Okay, well, I don't believe in that one that you like or any of the other ones.
	You don't believe in any of the other ones.
	We're only one God off.
	No, all the other religions, it's all the same God.
	We intrinsically know that God is there.
	So in Papua New Guinea, where they worship planes, they are doing a very shitty job of worshiping our God.
	I believe Catholicism got it closest.
	Judaism's pretty close, but they don't respect Jesus and they don't think he did miracles.
	I think they're wrong on that.
	But I could be wrong, but my faith says I'm not wrong.
	You could not have Christianity without Judaism.
	Christianity is built on the Old Testament, which is Judaism.
	That's true.
	Okay?
	It's like a coal versus a diamond.
	You can't make a diamond without coal.
	I think Islam is work.
	They have the concept right, but they just got it wrong.
	They played it out wrong.
	But Ricky Gervais thinks these are all different gods, like Ganesh and everything.
	It's just crazy.
	No, it's all, we all know intrinsically that God exists.
	We try to put it down on paper.
	We try to wrap our minds around it.
	And sometimes we do a shitty job, like the cargo cults of Papua New Guinea.
	And sometimes we do an excellent job, like Catholicism, Judaism, Christianity in general.
	Islam, I think, did a shitty job.
	And then Buddhism is just like a half-assed version of Christianity.
	It's all the same God, though.
	We know God exists.
	We can feel it.
	He made us.
	You know when you're a kid that you have a dad, that you were created.
	Anyway, that's a heavy topic to bring up at the end.
	Tomorrow we'll have a blockbuster show for you.
	I'm going to do a two-hour show.
	I've got a lot to talk about.
	And then we have our comedy show Thursday that is going down.
	It will not get canceled.
	I know there's a bunch of fat blue-haired chicks in Portland going, oh yeah?
	Watch me.
	Great.

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