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Nov. 4, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:16:33
GOML LIVE #172 - BOUNCERS IN YOUR PUBES

What other show has 79-year-old abortionists screaming at Catholics, prison stories, calls from prison, fist fights, virgins, Weird Al, Joe Biden, Elon Musk, and two different Jesse Lee Petersons arguing with each other?

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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes. it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Music playing.
That is Nobunny, who is no more.
That dude was accused by his label mates of taking advantage of teenage groupies, and he said, yeah, I did.
And that was the end of him.
That was two years ago.
Good jams, though.
And I don't advocate fucking teenage girls, but it has been the norm in rock for quite a while.
She was just 17, if you know what I mean.
You know what I mean.
And the way she looked was way beyond compare.
How could I dance with another when I saw So, uh, standing there.
I met the Beatles in person when they came to Manhattan.
And I said to John Lennon, if you're a Beatle, let me see you fly.
So he said to Paul McCartney, what do I say to the bird?
He said, ask her, does she want our autographs?
And stupid me, I said, no.
You know how much that be worth nowadays?
I'm sure we can look it up.
As you may have guessed, Sylvia is here.
Of course, we have our co-host, Matty O'Dell.
What's up, everybody?
Good to see you.
We've got our Clown World in Proud Boys colors here.
Very alarmingly delectable contrast.
It really is aesthetically pleasing, this black and yellow.
Especially with the gold.
Let's see yours, Ryan.
Oh, hell yeah.
So as you guys know, our ad sales guy on his watch allowed for one of our clients, Goldco, to have a typo weaponized against us.
So it's it was Gavin loves gold, right?
Was what it was supposed to be.
He sent me Gavin likes gold.
One of our either Yeah, one of the baby monsters.
And your friends are your worst enemies.
As Bill Hicks said, they will christen your dumpster.
As Ian McKay said, isn't it nice you don't have to look far to find the ones that leave the deepest scar?
Look at Anthony.
Who trashed his studio?
Stevie Lou.
Kevin Brennan.
Who attacked his host of one of his shows?
Gino Biscotti.
No, sorry.
I got that backwards.
Pat Dixon.
No, it's on record, so.
Can't go back now.
And even my life, I'm like, Antifa's threatening me, they're shutting down shows and all that stuff, but like the two people who have hit on my wife in my home are my friends.
You know?
No bueno.
Yeah.
Non-buen.
You don't have to look far to find the ones who leave the deepest scar.
My personal, the people around me that are close to me, look at Shane and Saroosh and Vice, like they've done, my friends have done much more damage in my life than my enemies.
For me, it's just death by a thousand paper cuts, you know.
What do you mean?
Like, I haven't done anything outwardly wrong to you, but just every day I just do a little bit of... Just your life.
I'm more mad at your mother for not having an abortion.
Well, this is a pro-life show.
I'm pro-life with one exception.
The only time Gavin is pro-life is when he has the special secret recipe how to make boy babies.
That he may or may not be willing to share.
I'll happily share.
I've shared it many times.
I was telling Sylvia on the way here that, um, cause she has two twin sisters.
And I said, so three girls in the family, that means your dad has a small dick.
And I made a girl first and I was like, Oh, I want some boys.
So I would do, as I've told you a million times, I'm telling Sylvia now, standing doggy, You get really deep, like you feel the cervix, and then when you jizz, you hold her hips, and you fall down on top of her, collapse with her like a lawn chair, and you wait like a minute.
That's how you get a boy.
You drop off the, and then she's like, no, it's the sperm, it's about the sperm, baby.
Way to go.
And I go, yeah, it's not, it is about the sperm, but with boys, you've gotta drop it off at the front door, and then ring the doorbell, ding dong, and run away.
That's it, I'm out.
Anyway, our sales guy, it's one of the funniest moments on the show.
Allowed his typo to get hijacked and then they turned into a Nazi like me as Shylock.
Did we show it or no?
And that went for weeks.
And then he goes, oh, I can't do a Chicago accent.
But he's like, yeah, I didn't send them that picture.
And I'm like, I know, dude.
And to this day, I have no idea if that guy was sent to me as a prank or if he was a genuine employee.
And I suspected that from day one.
I went to his website and I saw one client and one happy customer.
It looked fucking fake.
We'll never know.
Anyway, he's fired, but we still have to read these because they paid for them.
Is that what it is now?
No, this was Fop Medals.
Oh, you can show the other one.
It's funny.
Go DEFCON 3 on poverty this year.
Invest in gold.
And like, the reason he's fired, assuming he's not just a prankster, is to see that and have it associated with one of our clients and just be like, huh, that's a weird cartoon.
I love it.
This happened on your watch.
You're either incredibly negligent or a saboteur.
Neither are working here anymore.
My fellow Americans, if you have an IRA, 401k, or savings account, then I encourage you to contact my friends at Gold Co.
That's who we're talking about, right?
Yeah.
Things are getting scary out there.
The Biden administration has already printed much more money, more money in the past two years than the previous 100 years combined.
That sounds comical, doesn't it?
The national debt just hit a record $30 trillion.
I remember when it was 12.
You know that building in Times Square where they have the ticker thing and they show the debt just going...
I remember going, holy fuck, it just went from 12 to 13 in a few years.
Now it's 30.
Now it's 30.
And inflation is the highest we've seen since 1982.
It's only a matter of time before the house of cards comes crashing down.
If you have retirement savings, your money could be at serious risk.
Talk to my friends at Gold Co.
to see how you can protect your retirement with gold and silver before it's too late.
Go to, and he always types www.goldco.com.
gomlgold.com and Gold Co.
will give you $10,000 in free silver when you open a qualified account.
That's gomlgold.com.
Again, that's gomlgold.com.
Possibly our last read from them.
Does anyone who does podcast sponsorship let us know?
Because we are a ship without a sail.
What do you think about Moss taking over Twitter and he may start charging people for it?
What do you think of him in general?
I love him.
I think it's great.
What are you eating there?
Corn chips?
Mattie.
Mattie Odell.
Did you forget Mattie's name?
Tostitos.
Tostitos.
Oh, you have a new name now.
Yes.
Oh, you're Tostitos now.
I'm Frito the Bandito.
Guy goes to Mexico once and he calls himself Tostitos after.
I don't know if that's gonna take, man.
It's tough.
You can't invent your own nickname.
It's gotta be given.
It's gotta be given, like Baby Monster.
That's a good nickname.
Matty went to Tijuana, held up the Mexicans, and he brought it back for me.
There you go.
Yep, classic Tostitos.
You know what they say south of the border, down Mexico way, there's a crazy American named Matty Oye!
Alright!
Oh!
Spontaneous limericks coming out.
Damn.
She's on fire tonight.
I didn't finish that thing I was saying though about groupies, because I got sidetracked by their Beatles fan over here.
I did a video about this a long time ago that rock stars are fucking underage teens.
And not 17, but 14.
Remember that chick?
When you have kids, like you think 14, oh yeah she's young but probably kinda sexy.
That's what you think when you're like 20.
Then you have kids and you're like, 14 is an infant.
That's a baby.
Like they look fucking weird with makeup on.
at 14 even 16 they look when they have little kitten heels they're sort of walking they look like a newborn deer yeah they're like barely exactly alive this chick yeah they look like stumble bums yeah that's a little girl that's like she should be playing lacrosse with her friends who's that Roman Polanski No, that's Jimmy Page.
Jimmy Page kidnapped her and held her in a hotel for months.
Jesus.
David Bowie fucked her, double teamed her with his wife, threesomed her with his black wife.
And who else?
I think Keith Moon fucked her too.
I think he just mooned her.
What was that?
Jerry Lee Lewis married, like, his 14-year-old cousin?
Yeah.
Liberace.
They had, what's his name?
Play him.
Falling down guy.
Michael Douglas.
Michael Douglas.
And then they had Matt Damon play his lover.
Matt Damon, when he made that movie, was 39.
When Liberace first met that boy, he was 14.
Oh, Jesus.
So, yeah.
They've been fucking teens for a while.
Billy Joel is going to be in Madison Square Garden in March.
Microphone, microphone.
You're going to put the microphone up?
Put up the mic.
Billy Joel is going to be in Madison Square Garden in March.
What happened?
No, he's going to be singing.
Oh, OK.
He's got a residency there, right?
Did you, you said you fucked Billy Joel in the 70s?
He's in his late 70s.
Oh, OK.
So you'll fuck him again just to make the numbers round up.
There you go.
Have you ever fucked Billy Joel, Sylvia?
No, he's not... He's not my type.
Look-wise.
What, too white?
No, not because he's white.
He's just not a good-looking dude.
Look, not everyone can look as good as you and Roy and Mattie here.
All three of you are hot-looking men.
Who's your type?
You told me you like blacks and Hispanics.
You like sort of coffee-colored Hispanics, like Dominicans.
Latino men.
Latino men.
are the most romantic, what they say to a woman verbally.
What they say to a woman verbally, you want to open your legs like a butterfly, okay?
There you go.
What about what they say to a woman physically, with the whoosh and the poof and the huh?
These days you might find a caterpillar.
Black men and Latino men, they don't have the sexual inhibitions like white men.
They will do anything and everything to please you.
Are you talking about having your asshole licked?
Is that the elephant in the room?
Forget your asshole.
I can't.
I can't.
I have the asshole of a 72 year old gay man.
Assholes are good for faggots.
So what are the inhibitions that white men have?
They don't want their dick sucked?
A lot of them don't want to go down on a woman.
They don't want the woman on top of them, pumping them.
Pumping?
I'd like to meet one of these guys.
That's a rare breed.
Dude, I just started watching the new White Lotus.
That's why I'm late today, because I was watching it with the missus.
Wow.
Wow!
Great show!
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable, really.
He's got, like, stuff up his nose.
A little bit.
Unbelievable.
He's got a case of the Garrett.
Wow!
Unbelievable, really.
It is so good.
I've had nine husbands, about a hundred lovers, not counting boyfriends.
Okay.
Not for every woman.
And you're not a big blower.
So that's all intercourse.
But God protected me.
I never got a venereal disease.
If I looked at a man and I was sexually attracted to him, I'd fuck him.
What years are we talking here?
What year was that?
What years?
Yeah, when you're banging everything that moves.
In the 60s, the 70s.
And how old are you now?
I'm 79.
79.
Let's say 80.
So, 67, 80.
So, 60.
So you were like, you're talking about your teens.
In the early 20s.
No!
When I was an early teen, I wasn't out barking.
I was a virgin.
53, I mean.
I lost my virginity when I was 16.
To an Iranian.
To a man from Iran.
Yeah, real good looking guy.
How old were you when you lost your V?
Virginity.
My V?
Your virginity.
I don't know why I said V. When I was 16.
Ah.
I was 17.
How old were you, Matty?
15.
Who was it?
Uh, a girlfriend of mine in high school.
Not the Jap?
No, no, no.
How'd that go?
The first time?
Yeah.
You know, we were two kids that knew nothing.
It wasn't too good.
I mean, it was, you know, at the time it was great, but... Did you wear a condom?
No.
Where'd you jizz?
On her stomach.
Was it missionary?
Yep.
That was on the hallway.
It was in the hallway outside of her, like she lived on the third floor of her house.
She had a big, big house.
Um, we were in the hallway outside of her bedroom door.
I guess nobody must've been home at the time.
I think we were in the pool swimming and we got out and went upstairs and then, uh, I don't know.
One thing led to another and we were in.
Was she a virgin?
Yeah.
Yeah.
A little bloodstain?
A little bit.
A little bit.
Was she like, ah, ow, ah, ah?
Yeah, well, you know, it was, uh, it was an, an interesting putting it in the first, like, cause she was nervous and like, she, she was like, ah, I'm like, well, and you know, we both, it was consensual obviously, but.
You made her scream, I'm Maddie.
You know, it was good.
I mean, it's an awkward, you're like, I'm 15, she was 16.
Yeah.
And then did you fuck her a bunch more times?
And then you got into the groove?
How long did you date her for?
When did it end?
Why did it end?
Oh, I don't know.
Who knows at that age?
You know what I did at that age?
I dated this super slut, Big Kimmy, and lost my virginity to her, but so did all my friends, and I had ruined my brand by dating such a whore.
And high school girls hate whores because they, it's like when you're in the union and you work hard, the other guy's like, what the fuck are you doing?
Now we all gotta work hard.
So I was raising the slut bar and they wanted to keep it low for obvious reasons.
Town bicycle.
So I dated this really nice, funny, ugly chick.
I won't say her name.
Tammy Conkels.
What was her name?
Tammy Conkels.
Tammy.
I actually looked her up recently.
She's aged really well.
She looks kind of hot now, but back then she was awkward and not attractive.
Oh, Elon Musk is here.
Oh, no.
They say the best love is a Japanese man.
I never had a Japanese man.
I got a Japanese man right here.
Are you a good lover, Ryan?
He's Filipino.
He's not a Jap.
He's Japanese Puerto Rican.
He's Japreican.
Brian, aren't you Philippine?
No, I'm Japanese Puerto Rican.
Sounds like a clean solvent.
Keep your floors looking great with Philippine.
Ancient Filipino secret.
It's funny, that girl's name was the same name as my first.
The full name?
No, just the girl's name.
Tammy.
Oh really?
Yeah.
That was a popular name in the 80s.
And so I dated the ugly girl for like eight months and it cleansed my reputation.
I was forgiven the whore.
And then I could date an incredibly hot, I think she was 15, 14, and I was 17, 18.
And I brought her, she was a dumb like little kid.
I'm not even sure it was legal.
Can a 17 year old fuck a 14 year old?
Yeah.
Okay, so I took her to prom.
So I cashed in my chips.
It was just like blackjack.
I lost a bunch of money with the first slot.
I dated the ugly nerd, got my currency up, and then I just blew it all on prom.
And I fucked her that night.
That was great.
I looked her up recently.
Whoa!
Hideous.
Hideous.
And then I emailed an old buddy from high school that I assumed we were still cool, we wouldn't communicate that much, but I didn't realize he hated me now, probably because of Trump and everything.
And I go, dude, I just looked up Sue, she's a fucking witch, like she looks like a Disney witch, now that we're all 53.
Yeah.
And he goes, I go, she's like a, she was a nine, an eight in high school, now she's like a two or a three.
And he goes, yeah, but you're the only one that's a four on the inside.
Oh shit.
We're not friends anymore?
He's like, no, I don't know why you contact me.
Oh, okay.
Oh, wow.
Oh my.
Excusez-moi.
Alright, when I was growing up, now mind you, I'm 79 years old.
So if a boy, two teenagers, boy and a girl, he took you on a date, and what he would do, he'd buy you a cherry coke.
That was a big time date.
Then, girl, oh, and the most he'd do was feel your titties.
So girls in general say, oh, if you let a boy feel your titties, you're a whore.
How were your titties back then?
They was juicy.
Juicy!
So when did you lose your virginity, Sylvia?
When I was 16.
Tell us about it, though.
Who was it?
Where was it?
He was from Iran.
Real good-looking guy.
So this is in the 60s, so it's pre-revolution.
So Iran was still pretty Western.
There was go-go boots and rock and roll and pompadours.
So how was it?
I thought that I was gonna see the stars and the moon, but it was okay.
He didn't hurt me.
Oh, so you had high hopes but it didn't turn out great.
No, it was okay.
But I thought I, you know, fireworks would go off and I didn't orgasm.
Sex with her was insane.
And she would, you'd be fucking her and she'd faint.
She'd like cum and then be unconscious.
And then her boyfriend after me that she, he would make, he'd go to McDonald's, get a burger and then jizz on it.
And she would eat a cum burger.
And I remember being on the bus going to high school going, you ate a what?
And she's like, yeah, you gotta be really horny.
Yeah, I'd say so.
You gotta be really horny to eat a cum burger.
I mean, if they're swallowing anyway, but I don't think it would taste good on a burger.
I don't know what it tastes like.
You know the Trump grab-her-by-the-pussy thing?
You would grab her vagina, and she'd be like, and like, cum.
She ended up having like five kids.
She left her husband to pursue a career in cumming.
Like, she became a crackhead, but I think she became a crackhead because crack makes sex even better, and she was a sex addict.
Like, she was born a sex fiend, and she moved to Oshawa, which is outside of Toronto, because there's a lot of crack being manufactured there.
She just became a professional fucking crack whore.
Wow.
Just for the sex, not for the crack.
It's sort of like Indians.
You hear about Indians doing a lot of crack?
They don't really like the crack.
They like it because you can drink more.
I asked my psychiatric social worker once, I said, do you think I'm a sex fiend?
She said, Sylvia, you have so many boyfriends that you sleep with, I can't keep track.
Wow.
Well, you once said to me in private, and you told me not to tell anyone.
No, just kidding.
You said, uh, my biggest regret is my addiction to cock.
And I blew all my marriages, all my relationships with my severe addiction to getting fucked.
No, I'm not sorry all the men I married.
No, you said you kept blowing your marriages by being a whore.
No.
I was just a restless woman.
It's only when the marriage has failed that I sleep with somebody else before I got divorced.
When did you last have intercourse?
What about intercourse?
When did you last have it?
When did I last have it?
About, I don't know, two or three years ago.
That's pretty recent.
All right, Ryan, now we're at you.
When did you, well Elon, maybe you could tell us when Ryan lost his virginity, what age he was, what were the circumstances?
Yes, I do know some about Ryan's sex.
Elon, can you go away for a bit?
I want to talk to Ryan if I may.
I haven't worked on that impression at all, as you can tell.
It's Kyle Dunnigan's Elon Musk is what it is.
Yeah, I know.
I don't really hear him talk too often.
I think Kyle Dunnigan does Elon when he was more of a recent immigrant, so he had more of a South African accent, because now he doesn't sound South African at all.
Totes pass.
Okay, so how old were you?
Uh, whatever, like, go from 6th into 7th grade, so like, was that 14?
12.
Or was that 12?
12. 12?! !
Or maybe 7th into 8th grade?
No, I think it was 6th grade going into 7th grade.
I was 12.
And how old was the girl?
You were 12?
About the same age.
This is what blows my mind about blacks and Puerto Ricans.
Every time you start telling sex stories, you're like, and then I touched a boob when I was 20 and kissed a lady on the lips at 21.
But we were on the Ferris wheel at the time when they're like, I used to suck my, I used to suck my ba- I don't know why I'm doing a southern accent.
That's how age goes.
I used to suck my babysitter's tits when I was eight.
And you're like, pardonne-moi?
What?
There was some horsing around and nonsense like before then but that was when that I was dating a girl named Imani who lives in the Bronx.
I used to live in the Bronx and I moved upstate but I would visit my great-grandparents and then right next door was Imani, a black girl.
She's the same age we would all be.
Are you secretly saying a man in code to us?
No, that would be Amani.
It's Imani.
Or it's Imani.
But it's not Amani.
Okay.
And what was her ethnicity?
He was... No.
He was an Iranian man.
Just whatever type of black.
He was a dancer at Studio 54.
I think Jamaican.
A Jamaican chick.
A black chick.
You lost your virginity to a black lady.
Not a lady.
A child.
A black child.
Ryan Katsu-Rivera fucked a child.
Black child.
Hey, that's not true.
It's a black child.
Right.
What's it called?
We dated for a year before anything happened, and then she said she was going to blow me, like in the movies.
And I didn't know what that meant.
And that meant, like, I stand up and then she's on her knees.
And then it took a while, like maybe a couple of days, but we would just keep at it until we... Keep at what?
Just doing that.
Practicing blowjobs?
Yeah, she would blow me on the balcony while I was trying to tell her a scary story.
It was like...
We were on the shore of innocence and... Story time with Ryan on the balcony.
Yeah.
Hey, you want to come on the balcony?
I'll tell you a scary story.
You can blow me while I talk.
Yeah.
So you'd be talking as you received fellatio from this black child.
That was one time.
How old was she?
Same age.
So you're both 12.
And she's taller than I was.
And my great-grandparents... Yeah, I know.
How dare you?
But my great-grandparents, my great-grandfather caught me like kissing her in the living room.
So this is what I did in it.
This is how a kid thinks when he panics.
I'm kissing her and he walks in he's got like our food that he made for us and I see him and I go bonk and then I bonk her in the head like we're just playing the I bonk her in the head game with my hat.
We're not kissing.
As one does.
It was embarrassing but we would it was sweet like we would we date for a year and this was all her idea.
Is this legal to be talking about?
I was that age.
This is free on the internet we're not buying the paywall yet so you're talking about two twelve-year-olds having sex is that even legal?
I was one of them.
Do you own kiddie porn now?
I'm actually not.
Have you watched this?
Does your computer contain terabytes of kiddie porn?
This is before computers, essentially.
Like, a friend would have a computer and you'd go to his house.
Before computers.
I'm talking about us now, talking about this.
Oh!
Oh!
It's a story!
I was an age once, and this is what happened, but I'm not even telling you the sex part.
I'm telling you, like, we used to live door to door, next door to each other, so we'd knock on the wall when we wanted to hang out, and then I'd bring over a Hormel Chili, and we'd watch wrestling together.
It was all innocent, and then she was like, let me start blowing you.
And I was like, I don't even know what the fuck that is.
So you were probably getting blown before you could ejaculate.
Yeah, oh yeah.
There's nothing coming out.
And then like eating her out, I was not a fan of because it was, you know, there was hair going on there and I was just like, I was like, this is a fucking mess.
So, um, but yeah, it was always with the pants on when we did it.
It was like very small movements.
My chin would always dig into her chest.
She's like, you're hurting me.
You're hurting me again.
I just couldn't, I couldn't keep my chin away, but I found out.
You were so short, your chin was on her chest.
Or her shoulder.
Whatever.
Put your chin on my shoulder.
And she called me chin.
That was her nickname.
So I found out later on, my friend Louis, that you met.
Oh the black dude with the dresses like Mad Max?
So right after the Candace Owens Cornel West episode that we filmed, afterwards there's this goth black party that rented out the back.
So they're coming in as we're leaving.
It's my friend Louis.
I found out later on, she wasn't a virgin.
I was a virgin.
But she had banged him.
Oh my god.
Yeah, yeah.
So, I don't know.
Didn't you have a date planned?
Like a hang with Lewis planned?
And you guys were gonna go to the mall and look at security guards?
Yeah, yeah.
For his birthday or something or he just wanted to go to the mall and walk around and dress like security guards and like make a video or something.
Yeah.
And then you ended up not doing that because they wanted to go to a bar and you thought that's gross.
I hate bars.
I don't like a bar hangout.
I think a mall is funnier because you get to walk around and look at people.
Yeah, what's worse than meeting an old buddy that you grew up with and having a beer at a bar?
That's what I was staunchly not drinking.
Pathetic!
Yucky!
Telling old stories about being a fucking 13 year old with some guy you haven't seen in 20 years.
We wound up hanging out after that, and we saw each other again in the Bronx afterwards.
So tell us about the lay, though I'm not sure it's legal.
There was a couple of lays, but one time we almost got caught.
Your first lay, moron!
There was a couple of lays.
They all blended in one.
We just kept doing it.
Where?
Mostly in her grandmother's room.
Where was her grandmother?
Her dad or her mother wasn't around.
Surprise.
Her grandmother was very slow.
Mrs. I'm not going to give the last name, but she was like, But she almost caught us once.
I had my belt unbuckled because we heard her coming down the hallway, but too late.
We're near the Christmas tree in the living room, usually where we don't do it.
Risque.
And very risky.
And my heart was just thumping because we heard her.
So I just get up off her.
She hears the rustling.
I don't do my belt or my pants.
And so they're like kind of falling down.
So I'm walking to the down the hallway and she's sitting down now so she could see us.
I'm trying to race to get to the room before my pants fall down.
So that was very scary.
But we never got caught properly.
But that was 12 years old or 13 maybe.
Oh my God.
The Bronx.
What a shithole.
That's true.
I think I was corrupted by that young woman because I didn't even want to kiss her first.
It was her idea to kiss.
I was like we're dating.
I don't know what that means.
If you had said if you were doing a talk and you're like New York City is an absolute mess.
We got 12 year olds fucking each other in the Bronx.
People go, OK, Nazi, what else is happening?
Yeah.
No, it's a fact.
I think it's very interesting that that's how that happened.
But yes, it is.
I haven't thought about that in a long time.
And I don't think that was uncommon.
No, I think if you talk to Puerto Ricans in the Bronx, they'll be like, like I said, I was 10.
Like I said, Lewis and her already had copulated by that point.
So this was kind of a thing.
Black.
I don't know if it's other.
I don't know a lot of black people in America outside of New York.
But every time I talk to a black New Yorker, they were sucking some tits at like six.
Wasn't that based on Sherrod Smalls?
Yeah, I was fucking my cousin back then.
All of them.
Yeah.
Larry Barnes would fuck his mom's friends.
Oh, my God.
When he was like 10.
Holy shit.
So let me rephrase that.
Larry Burns was molested by his mom's friends.
He's not upset about it.
Yeah.
But he ought to be.
How does that work with 212?
We were both molested.
By the media.
It's not good.
Right.
But I don't know who the perpetrator is and who the victim is.
Society is the perpetrator.
Last thing on that.
It made it very weird because I lived upstate New York where people are raised properly and it's majority white, you know, up in the Hudson Valley.
And it was very odd trying to like actually have relationships with women that that didn't just immediately like pedal to the metal.
Right, so you're like, so I guess you wanna blow me, right?
Yeah, it was like, it was really tough to adjust to that afterwards.
I think you might, you know what, Sylvia, you say Japanese people are good fuckers, I remember a long time ago, it was like a Laura Loomer event in Florida, and Ryan had the next hotel room, and he was banging some broad, and it was going and going, and I could hear them in the next room, just like tearing up the place.
But I remember telling you, I thought that that was rather a short bout.
But I don't know.
I want to see a short bout.
You may want to pop by Gav's Cab.
You may want to take a peek into my bedroom window if you want to see short and sweet.
Actually, I'm trying a new thing sexually.
Don't try to make it good.
That's hilarious.
My whole life I've been like pausing and like trying to you know do the alphabet backwards to last and stuff.
Putting too much thought into it.
Do different moves and like now you go on your side and make everything like a cool porn.
So I'll get to do it again.
I think if I make it like an event.
And I don't know if she likes that.
I think she might just want, like, a dog.
Just like... Done.
Done.
Right.
Because, like, she's very unambitious, my wife.
So why would sex be ambitious?
And that last two have just been totally self-indulgent, like what you'd imagine a poodle doing to a stuffed animal.
And I don't know, it's been going pretty good.
You know what I heard from... New sex tip!
Don't be good!
New rule is that don't think about your actual junk.
Picture just your hips moving.
Just focus on the hip movement.
Yeah, we all know that one, Ryan.
I didn't know that until I heard it.
What you're talking about is the trick where you cut your dick off.
Yes.
And then you just you're just a body.
Chop it off.
Yeah.
And you have a strap on.
Mm hmm.
And that's just a dildo that you're using.
And it works for a while.
But what you're doing is you're cutting off the communication from your dick to your brain.
And the postman is like, Can I get through here?
And this guy's like, Nope.
No one's getting through you put bouncers in your pubes.
It's like no messages to the brain.
Sorry, not today.
Episode title.
But I What's it called?
Bouncers to your pubes?
No messages to the brain?
Yeah you stand out there but eventually what happens is there's so many messages the bouncers are like calm down everyone get back get back and then eventually they get stampeded the bouncers are trampled to death and all the messages come in.
You gotta do with your heart!
Who is that white boy next to Ryan?
The older guy that just appeared?
- Yeah, I do, man.
- Who was that white boy? - Corn pop hated pedophiles.
- Who was that white boy next to Ryan?
- The older guy that just appeared?
- Yeah.
- That's the president of the United States.
That's Joe Biden.
No, no, no.
This guy.
Yeah, that's Joe Biden.
Little puppet.
Oh, shit!
Mercedes is calling.
Oh, crap, man.
It's been a long time.
Holy cow.
An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
This call is not private.
It will be recorded and may be monitored.
If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number.
To accept this free call, press 1.
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Hey Mercedes!
Hey Gavin!
You're live on the air!
Yeah, I'm glad to hear from you.
So there was a massive Mercedes drought recently where we didn't hear from you and no one did.
I talked to my buddy Robbie up in Montreal.
He said you had cut off correspondence for like a month or two.
Yes.
Well, things have been a little weird here.
Are you allowed to say why?
There's just been some weird jail stuff happening, but I'm back and I'm able So we just had a lot of people here and not a lot of time out of our cells, and so that's kind of had something to do with it.
But I'm able to contact you now.
- We won't pry, we won't pry.
So I'm glad you called because-- - Yes. - We spoke recently and you said your court date has been set.
Now, before we say the actual date, I have been saying since day one, because I know you well, I consider you a close friend, I don't believe these allegations, and I think it's because you're MAGA, it's political persecution.
And if anyone was dubious of political persecution, surely they see Max and John, and they see the Jan Six defendants, these guys who were vandalizing government property, looking at 20 years to life.
For such a silly crime.
The crime deserves, I don't know, clean trash up off the highway and get a $300 fine is what that deserves.
But anyway.
Right.
They chose your court date is January 6.
Yes.
Of all the days.
Wow.
The odds are one in 365 that it would be that political date.
And I want to be very clear that I did not have a hand in choosing that date.
That date was chosen for me.
So let me be very clear that I did not choose January 6th.
I very much wanted to come back in October, and I was told that I would not be coming back in October, that the soonest date I could come back in was January, and the date I would be coming back was January 6th, 2021.
Amazing.
So, say it goes great and they drop everything.
What's as soon as she would get out?
Like a month after that?
No, right then and there.
That day?
If they dropped everything, I would come out that day.
But I'm told that the plan is to go to trial in January.
Of course, I've been told the plan was to go to trial all of 2022.
So at this point, you know, I'm a little skeptical, but I'm being told, you know, even the judge, the judge even told me, well, you know, we do need to get a hold on this.
But, you know, it was basically a big, fuck you, Mercedes.
Yeah, it sounds like it.
So say you get out January 6th, and that's not happening, but how many months, how long would you have been in jail?
I will have been in jail just one month short of four years.
Oh, that's an entire presidential term, isn't it?
It sure is.
Four years awaiting trial.
That is brutal.
And by the way, part of what I want to point out is part of the reason they're going so hard... That's against the law!
As long as they face the prosecution for being there, they can't run for political office.
That's something that I don't think anybody's really noticed.
Wait, what was that?
If you're... If you were part of a quote-unquote insurrection, you cannot run for political office.
Oh, that's why they're making this Trump... It's in the 14th Amendment.
Yes.
That's what this is all about.
You know, Mercedes, we're here with a 79-year-old woman named Sylvia who has been working on your case and is determined to get you out.
She even contacted the Innocence Project.
Oh, thank you!
I appreciate you, Sylvia.
They said they're more concerned with DNA proof to exonerate people.
That's right.
But then they help her anyway.
people you know for things like murders who were always they tend to you know i think work with people who are already convicted of crimes and the problem in my case of course is there is no evidence because no crime occurred and that's the problem with my case there is no evidence because no crime occurred and that's why i haven't been convicted of anything
they also seem to prefer giant black males like there's that that cop who is falsely accused of forcing a woman to blow him What the fuck's his name?
Michelle Malkin is working on that case.
He's got a really weird last name.
And the Innocence Project would never go near him in a million years.
She may be able to sue, waiting trial four years, and she is not a political prisoner.
You can't hear it, but that's Sylvia intervening.
Oh no, you're wrong, Gavin.
Okay, you're not Sylvia.
Okay, any other news?
We gotta go shortly.
Sorry to cut the conversation short.
Yeah, I do, I do.
No other news except that, you know, I'm just, you know, just, if you, if you want to know what I'm going through, just read, uh, read Solzhenitsyn.
Read The First Circle by Solzhenitsyn.
You guys, you guys got to read Solzhenitsyn.
Yeah, I do.
I do.
I, I, I just finished his, his collection of speeches.
Um, what's it called?
Oh, yeah.
Read his Warning to the West.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, that one's just amazing.
I mean, you guys, it's just, it's all there.
It's all there and it's all coming.
Read the First Circle.
I heard that he stopped writing books because he was like, look, I have made everything elaborately clear.
If you're not understanding, I give up.
I think Ann Coulter is the same way.
She's like, I said my piece.
Go look it up.
Yeah, you know, yeah, and Coulter's right.
She's, I mean, you know, I read all of her pieces in the Conservative Chronicle, and I think she's extremely clear.
And I don't think people, it's almost like at this point you're kind of just trying to dismantle a brick wall with your skull.
Yeah.
Come on you guys like I don't know what else to say.
Yeah, but hey, it's really It's like it's like conversion therapy like you could work on show gays pictures of tits for a hundred years They're gonna be like sorry not interested boys That's exactly it.
It's all there and it's all happening.
I don't know what else to say.
I appreciate you and I appreciate everyone.
I get to go be a political prisoner January 6th so you guys can always write me to find out what's happening in the gulag.
The problem is this isn't even a gulag.
I wish this was a gulag because it would be fucking quiet and I wouldn't have to watch basketball.
Yeah, you get in shape, Breaking Rocks.
A gulag would be an improvement.
If you're an attorney, hang up and contact the facility to request your number be made... You know what?
A gulag would have a lot less fucking... It would have a lot more intelligence.
You know?
Fat bitches.
Alright, thanks Mercedes.
Let's talk again soon.
Alright, love you.
Bye.
Ooh, I like doing jokes to people in jail.
Captive audience.
She was really enjoying my bits.
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Who is he?
Who's that guy?
Yeah.
The hat on?
I'm a resident of the United States.
That's the President of the United States, Sylvia.
I figured it was.
He's the leader of the free world.
This world is not so free anymore.
Well, he's not doing... No offense, Mr. President.
You're not doing a real bang-up job.
I'm a resident of the United Space, man.
No.
Put some respect in my name.
You look undernourished to me.
I was the Vice Principal under Barack DeBloggin, man.
Ice cream.
All right, so as you know with this show we have a bunch of shit going on.
We read letters, of which we have many.
We take calls, of which we have too many.
And then we also have a super chat right here where the proceeds go to Max and John.
I dipped into the Max and John fund to the tune of a few thousand and I bought myself Gucci pants.
No, I dipped into it and I bought, I bought, I bought an appeal.
So Ron and Max are still fighting.
Never stop fighting.
They're appealing their sentence right now.
Right.
I mean, they could get out a month early.
They're not giving up.
And I assume they'll be going fighting the conviction itself.
Appealing after they get out.
Yeah, they could.
Yeah, they're determined.
The Proud Boys?
Yes.
So I just sent a bunch of money to their lawyer, Ron, to file this appeal.
Are they still proud?
Yes.
Still proud.
But that's fair, right?
Like, say, right now it's $21,000, so now it's $18,000.
Lawyers aren't cheap.
Nope.
That guy's pretty cheap.
But they crossed boundaries.
To fight that bitch who said she invented Vice cost me $25,000.
Gavin, you've got to admit it.
They did cross boundaries.
No, no, Sylvia, this is different.
This isn't January 6th.
This was a fistfight.
We're not talking about that.
Oh, you're talking about the fiscal?
The Proud Boys.
What boundaries did they cross?
When?
Where?
That's top secret.
We cannot broadcast it.
Okay.
With her personally, maybe.
But you have evidence against the Proud Boys where they crossed the line, but you don't want to make it public.
I have no evidence for or against them.
Okay, so maybe don't say they crossed boundaries.
Well, they did something they shouldn't have.
Let's put it this way.
They did something without thinking.
With no tact.
Which was what?
I'm not at liberty to say.
Talk to my attorney, Pee Wee.
Did it happen in a January month?
No.
January 6th had nothing to do with it, Gavin.
Okay, did it happen in Manhattan?
If they were to listen to you, they wouldn't have been in friggin jail, okay?
Okay.
They didn't take your knowledge and your wisdom.
If they would have, they never would have gone to jail.
I appreciate that, but I said don't go to January 6th.
On the night of my talk, I didn't say, don't fight Antifa if they jump you.
I would never even think to say that.
In fact, I don't believe that.
I think if someone whips a bottle of piss at you, you should fight them.
Someone spits in your face, you should fight them.
I'm in a lot of trouble for saying choker tranny once.
And I was like, yeah, yeah, the context was Antifa were spitting in Trump supporters' faces and then saying, you can't hit me, I identify as a woman.
And that's when I said, don't hesitate, choker tranny.
Someone spits in your face.
Smoke a Randy.
What?
Yeah.
You want us to smoke Randy's, Mr. President?
Back in the fifties, you'd roll a joint and hang out in the park.
You'd have seven or eight people who'd put fifty cents in there.
You'd get to smoke a Randy with your buddies.
Have a milkshake.
But you'd share it.
I don't think they had marijuana back then.
When I was a teenager, the most the boys would do on a Saturday night, they would go to the school yard and drink beer.
Okay?
Uh-huh.
That was a big thing then.
Was marijuana around in the 50s?
Yeah, but they really didn't indulge.
That was mostly for the spades, right?
Most teenage boys were beer drinkers.
And then the spooks would smoke the reefer.
I knew one kid, he was only 14, Phil Brioni from Corona, he OD'd.
I remember one summer night, we hung out together, we went to my mother's house, she gave us money to go buy He was on heroin you think?
in a deli and I bought and I wanted to buy for Phil and he wasn't hungry.
I didn't know he was on heavy drugs.
- He was on heroin you think?
- He OD'd.
- Was he on heroin?
- Yeah.
He OD'd.
You know what's crazy?
Pat Dixon brought this up.
At 14 years old.
You look at the death rate in New York.
14 years old, he OD'd.
And his girlfriend's name was Truck.
Why did they call her Truck?
Because she had big headlights.
In other words, big tits.
Had a friend named fucking tits.
Friend named Jacob.
He died of macaroni and cheese.
He's heart attack, man.
He's fat.
What did Pat Dixon say?
He was talking about the yearly death rate in New York City, and it's bad now.
It's like one a day, and it's getting worse, even though they changed the stats by not arresting people for it, and so it looks bad.
I mean, it looks better than it is.
But when you go back into like the 1900s, it's 2,000 a year.
Yeah, well, all cores are like prime.
Oh, yeah, true.
Right, right, right.
No murders.
Yeah, in 1990, when I was graduating high school, it was like $2,600 a year.
Really?
No, that's not, come on, that wasn't 1990.
1989, 1990, 1991, 1992, $2,600.
Okay, here we go.
The height of the crack academic.
Rape, robbery, assault, forcible rape.
What's non-forcible rape?
Me and my wife?
What about serial killers?
And I don't mean sugar pops.
Name five serial killers to get your second degree.
So 1965, 836 were killed.
69, it goes up to 1,300.
By 1972, it's 2,000 a year.
So 1965 836 were killed 69 it goes up to 1300 By 1972 It's 2000 a year Remember it's only 836 In 65 Now it's 2000 and It goes down, it stays there though for a long time.
79, it's 2,000.
80, 2,000, 2,000, 2,000.
In 84, it goes down to 1,700.
73, it's also 2000.
It goes down, stays there though for a long time.
79, it's 2000.
80, 2000, 2000, 2000.
In 84, it goes down to 1700.
And then boop, it's back up in the late 80s to 2300.
2600 in 1990.
You're right!
Holy fuck!
I was out in the clubs.
Nightclubs, baby.
You know why 84 kicked off?
It was crack.
Uh... yeah.
Well, no, 79 is when it... No, it was 1974.
When it jumped to 2,300, it was 84.
No, it was 2072, dude!
It was 1,874.
When it jumped to 2,300, it was 1,84.
No, it was 2,072, dude.
Yeah, much in 1,84.
1,84 is not that big of a jump.
2,300?
No, it was 2,082.
84 goes down to 1,700.
Oh, okay.
Which is like the lowest it's been since 1969.
'84 it goes down to 1700. - Oh, okay. - Which is like the lowest it's been since 1969.
And then, but it's basically hovering around 2000.
From 1972 All the way through To 1995 It's 2000 Basically our entire young lives.
Yeah.
And then Giuliani comes in.
Right?
When was Giuliani?
Dinkins was 92.
Dinkins was in the mid to late 90s.
So he was a DA.
He got rid of the mob, right?
He's a federal prosecutor, Giuliani.
Yep.
And then, when was he mayor?
Lawyer, mayor of New York City, 1994.
Holy shit, dude!
94 shows up and boom!
We plummet down to 700.
And it keeps going down.
Every year.
700, 600, 500, 400.
and boom, we plummet down to 700, and it keeps going down every year.
700, 600, 500, 400.
By 2000, I moved here in '99, it was only 489. - And what are these numbers representing?
Number of murders a year in New York City.
No.
What is it now?
Like, I think it's what?
Maybe low, mid, I mean, high 400s?
Maybe 500s?
No, well, we only have 2019 here on this chart, but it's as low as 267.
Look at Lizzie Borden!
She took an axe, gave her father 40 whacks, and when she was done, she gave her mother 22!
And she got away with it!
Yeah.
The murder rate now is the lowest it's ever been.
Well, lowest it's ever been.
I have to 1965 here, it was 495.
It just kept going up and up and up, peaked right around Giuliani's time, and then he came and it's been going down ever since.
All right.
So de Blasio brags about that, but no.
It's all, as we were discussing yesterday, when the graph is going like that, and then it stops going like that, you can't say, well, it went down under my tenure.
Yeah, sort of.
It stopped going down at a good rate, though.
Right.
That's when Giuliani, like, disdefied Times Square.
Yes.
And then stop and frisk.
Yeah, in the early 2000s, dude, you could walk around Times Square at 3 in the morning naked with $100 bills taped to your body.
He's right.
The only time murders go down is when there's not enough victims.
Wow.
Too true.
Too true.
All right, so let's, um, I guess let's go, we can't have the Ryan shut up thing, and then also thanks for calling, right?
Not at the same time.
Still, they like your new sunglasses?
Wait, bring that back up again.
One more thank you.
In August, you told us about anti-ESG fund, Drill.
I immediately moved money into it.
It's the only investment I have that earned anything this year.
In less than three months, I've made almost a 10% return, which by the way, Bernie Madoff was making 10%.
No one can break 5%.
I've made almost a 10% return.
All my other investments have given me a negative 16% loss year to date.
I haven't even checked my investments.
I'm too scared.
I only wish I would have put more into drill.
Now, that is D-R-L-L, right, Ryan?
I can't really read it from here.
Yeah, D-R-L-L.
So, as we discussed, Ryan, you introduced us to ESG the other day, Monday.
We had been pushing drill in August.
I'm turning into that money guy with the sleeves rolled up.
Jim Cramer.
Jim Cramer.
He yelled the N-word at the laugh factory.
From Seinfeld.
Not from Seinfeld, man.
That's a different Cramer, Mr. President.
Gavin, I know you're a punk guy, but just wondering your opinion on metal.
I went to see Iron Maiden last Friday in Newark, and they were so fucking good.
I drove four hours to see them again in D.C.
last night.
Your thoughts?
I love Iron Maiden.
Bruce Dickinson.
They rule.
Yeah.
Bruce Dickinson.
The Bruce Dickinson.
Fucking awesome.
The best producer in the world.
Now I got a serious question for the people who listen to our show.
Why aren't people laughing more?
They walk down the street, self-absorbed, worried, anxious.
Why aren't the American people laughing more?
Whatever happened to their sense of humor?
I blame phones.
But wait, let's go back to these.
We want to read these before they disappear off the screen.
Ryan's a spook.
Another $100 for the boys.
Thanks for Japanese vulgarity.
I haven't heard my wife laugh like that for some time.
Thanks for keeping us laughing in this crazy world.
Those are from last week.
Oh, OK.
OK, so we're caught up with those.
All right.
So let's do the thanks for calling thing.
And I can grab a beer.
You are on the air.
I'm here to have a conversation.
This is a fucking loser.
And you want me to learn, share, listen, understand why.
Hey, why does everyone get two things?
You have one thing.
Thank you for calling.
It was great hearing from you.
Bye-bye.
Alright, next call.
Bye-bye.
Home to mommy.
Home to mommy.
She probably likes me.
Go to daddy.
I say bye-bye once a day.
Yeah, at least.
At least.
So in order to do the Super Chats, by the way, you go to the desktop version of the site, you click Watch Live, and then right underneath the player there, you'll see a blue button, and that's how you send us a little pay message.
That's how you do it.
And now the number will appear on the bottom of the screen.
For those listening, it is 718-400-69-59.
It is 718-400-69-59.
That's a funny number.
But all of that is true what I said.
And we also have a live show, do we not?
Come on, boys.
It's true.
Last one of this leg of the tour.
It's gonna be, there's gonna be tons of special guests, kind of a compound- It's not canceled, no matter what you hear.
No.
It's going down.
I don't care if I have to do it in the Bronx Zoo and be like, can you dig it?
Dan Cortland Park.
Yeah, it's going down.
We have plan ABCDEFG.
Plenty of contingency plans.
Are you telling a Bronx tale?
Oh!
Oh!
We got these guys in the Palmentary of my hand.
Chuck Palmentary.
Thanks.
Chaz.
Chaz.
Oh yeah, Chaz Fudge.
So we got callers.
I fucked Chaz Bono at a party once before.
That's terrible.
She was a dude.
Oh, okay.
That's cool.
She was hot.
What was her name before she... Chastity?
Chastity.
We dated for a while.
That's kind of an ironic name.
Is she banged up?
100% of the time I say that, people believe me.
Yeah.
I don't get it.
I'll be like, I fucked Eva Mendes at a party once and people go, oh, no way.
Really?
How was it?
I've been dreaming about it.
No, I did not.
I haven't fucked anyone famous ever.
No one has.
You know what fucks famous people?
Like dancers.
Where is Sonny and Che?
You've never fucked anyone famous, have you, Matty?
No.
No, people don't fuck famous people.
They're unfuckable.
You don't get to meet them.
You're unfuckable?
I've met famous dudes.
I've bumped into some famous chicks.
But the idea of that turning into like... Zero.
Yeah.
They got too many people around them.
Yeah.
I remember I met Cameron Diaz once when I was hanging out with Johnny Knoxville and she was like, I like your coat.
And I go, you know what's crazy about this coat?
It, the button was falling off and then I looked at it recently and now it's back on and it's, it's solid.
It's like that fable where the cobbler went to sleep and he woke up and they made him shoes when he was asleep.
And she's like, I've never heard that before.
And I'm like, what?
It's a famous thing.
How could you not have heard of that?
And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about.
And then I started going crazy because I was drunk.
And I'm like, look, I don't know the name of it.
How could you not know about the sleeping cobbler who wakes up and all his shoes are made?
That's like a thing everyone knows.
It's like Pinocchio.
Who?
Pinocchio?
We have a caller on the Lena 206.
Go ahead there, 206.
Yeah, come on.
Hello?
Hello?
Tess, is that me?
Yeah, you're on.
Yeah, it's called the L's in the Shoemaker.
First of all, thank you, Maddie and friends.
Thank you, Maddie and friends.
Yes, sir.
So here's kind of a technical question.
Gavin, you said a long time ago AIU wasn't allowed to use the n-word and he switched it over to saying bleeps, but you say it quite frequently.
Is he allowed to get rid of bleep?
I'm not an AIU advocate, but I've noticed this.
I'm you can go look up my account activity.
I'm a big subscriber, but I I this is one thing I've just realized.
Why is there a difference?
I never told you he can't say the N word.
You did.
No, no, you did.
When he joined the platform, you did.
That's why he switched.
Really?
He was not saying bleeps before me?
If you look back at his early videos, I've just been going back into the history, and look, I'll leave it there.
Thank you for calling.
If you get the credit for bleeps, that's so much funnier than anything.
Bleeps is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
And if he didn't use bleeps, and he was always like, yeah, so on Thursday there was about seven niggers who were coming over to the... Then maybe you need to... I don't want to...
That's not cool.
Maybe you need to say, I think I'm a genius at using it.
Yeah, it's, it's, well, I'm not saying that he isn't.
You, you can use it very, very sparingly.
Nigger.
Amen.
Amen to that.
Uh, we got more calls.
Uh, five, four, one.
You're on the run.
Go ahead there.
Call it.
Five, four, one.
Don't be shy.
You're shy.
It's weird.
By the way, I was interrupted with that previous caller.
The fable is from Grimm's Fairy Tales.
It's called The Elves and the Shoemaker.
It was also an animated film in 1935.
But it's... Am I nuts?
Have you guys not heard of it?
No, I've heard of it.
They come out at night when he's sleeping and they do all his work.
Yeah, yeah.
Regularly?
Yeah.
He was fucked before, like he was about to lose his business.
These awesome elves do all this work.
I had a similar thing.
When I would get blackout drunk, I would wake up the next morning and elves had been tweeting using my account.
And I would read all these racist tweets they had put out.
And I would just delete them all slowly.
Hey, bud, you're about to lose your shot.
Maybe I'll put you on mute.
I'll put you on mute.
He's done.
And then he's fucked.
He went poo.
Don't poo at night.
Only poo in the morning after your coffee.
That's no more poos for the rest of the day.
6-3-1, you're on the run.
Is this my fault?
It's sounding like your fault.
It smells of your fault.
That's a whiff of fault?
Yeah.
Okay, we have enough balance on the balance sheet.
Volume's up.
I'll read... You had the first caller.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Well, you probably pushed a mute button somewhere.
What's up, boys?
This is a letter I'm reading now.
Please tell me you agree that Weird Al fucking sucks.
Funny music is trash.
I don't listen to music to laugh.
Seems gay as fuck.
Thank you, sir.
I feel the same way about ween.
I hate funny music.
It's like joking during sex.
There is no jokes during intercourse.
Even if there's a queef that goes...
Even if a queef is a song, like you know the song, I remember my buddy Aiden, the drummer for Godspeed Your Black Emperor, one time we were sitting around the living room at our punk house on Gladstone and his ass goes... And we go, that's the first three bars of Ugly by Fishbone.
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
He farted at the beginning of Fishbone.
If I was fucking a girl and she went... Are you playing Fishbone?
No, I'm farting.
If a woman queefed that exact song, I would just be like...
You don't break for queefs.
I don't break for queefs.
We have a t-shirt.
Exactly.
So there's no joking in sex.
You're violating a woman.
It's not a friendly act.
It's a snake eating a mouse.
It's not partying with your buds.
You're murdering someone.
It's an attack.
That's why when you see cats, one cat is like, fucking what is going on?
I was banging this chick one night.
I'm like, oh my God, you're so fucking tight.
She goes, that's because you're in my ass.
Were you going to tell me?
Yeah.
I fucked a girl in the ass once.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And she goes, you fucked me in the ass.
I go, I thought it was your pussy.
And she goes, oh, that's flattering.
That means you can't tell the difference.
My wife showed me this Ween song, and I'm totally with you, but I like it.
We're the Mollusk.
We're weird.
It's like Frank Zappa.
You know that same, um, so Bill Maher had Kid Rock on and he said that your music's funny, but it's not like joke funny like music like weird Alan shit, but I think Frank Zappa gets away with that too though, right?
There's no funny guys?
No funny guys.
What about Nardwar?
What?
Nardwuar had that funny song where he's like, there was a dude on the other side of town.
Yeah, he's kind of on the border because I don't think he's really kidding.
Yeah, he's a weird dude.
He is that guy.
I think it's an art, just like using the n-word.
It's like, you could be funny and musical, but it's rare.
And Kid Rock does hit the nail, he hits it.
You know?
I mean, I'm trying to think of a song where it's kind of sarcastic.
Like, they say The Cure.
Robert Smith said, we were making fun of pop music.
We were doing an elaborate exaggeration of pop and people seemed to like it so we just kept doing it.
I can kind of see the cure being a parody, sort of, but that's not obvious like pajama people!
Poor Matty has to live with the guy who worships Frank Zappa.
Yeah, that's right.
Giant Frank Zappa dusty fucking sculpture painting in your living room.
You gotta see what he did to his bedroom floor.
No.
I guess Frank Zappa liked maroon and black, I guess, these colors.
He painted the tiles maroon and black, like checkerboard, and then he put Frank Zappa mustaches in the middle of each one, like painted them.
So his floor is tiled?
Yeah.
Like with, like, bathroom tiles?
No, no, no, not ceramic.
It's, um... Like linoleum?
No, like, uh, they're, uh, commercial tile.
Like, um... What the hell is it called?
Industrial tile.
That you'd have in a kitchen?
Like, you know, like a school or an office building.
Oh, okay, so linoleum.
No, no, no.
They're individual things.
They're, I mean, what?
I'm trying to think.
You can have individual linoleum tiles.
Yeah, but no, they're not, like, flexible.
They're not flexible.
Yeah, they're, it's like an industrial tile.
But he so did he paint the actual checkerboard or that those tiles?
It must look like shit.
Like did he put tape down?
Oh, he's a professional painter.
Yeah, he paints.
So he put tape down first, I guess.
Yeah, I don't know how he was in there.
I was like.
And they look like a stencil.
It looks like they're all uniform on every floor tile in the middle.
You must have had a stamp or something or borderline gay.
He's got a picture of Frank Zappa in his room in like a Speedo.
Ah, so this is getting homosexual now.
Yeah, it's a little creepy.
How are we doing, Sylvia?
Are you okay?
Yeah, I was just looking at predators who get a pass.
We never hear any more about Bill Clinton or Monica Lewinsky.
Why did that woman go to jail, sex trafficking, when we don't hear anything about the clients?
Right.
Yep.
There's a list.
Well, Johns get off easy.
Yeah.
But his name was Bill.
The hookers don't, but Johns do.
You sound like you have some personal experience with that.
No comment.
How did you get a picture of that?
I'm good.
What camera is that?
Is that your camera?
My little swiveler.
Oh, you rotated it.
That's all weird looking.
Who's gonna be governor of New York?
I'm feeling pretty excited about the Led Zeppelin cover band, Lee Zeldin.
Oh no, he's a fucking creep.
He's against abortion even if you've been raped or incest.
He can go fuck himself.
Sounds good to me.
Don't get raped.
I'm just kidding.
Don't mock around in sexy outfits.
He's heartless.
That is not my official stance.
How he got a pretty wife, as ugly as he is, and beautiful daughters is beyond me.
Maybe she went with him because he's got money.
Who knows?
5-4-1.
We're going to give him a second chance.
5-4-1.
Hello.
I'm just going to keep adding people until I hear something.
Yeah, something's up.
843?
I disconnected, reconnected.
What the fuck is going on?
You're doing something wrong.
Always assume you're doing something wrong.
Will Trump run again?
Yes.
The hell?
It worked once it did right, and I think we're gonna have to say goodbye to people yeah, I'll read one more letter I was just curious if your Lady Gaga boner had anything to do with a star is born it did for me What a smoke show she's kind of on the edge being weird without Weird-looking which makes her way hotter because she's still a smoke show, but really I would like to make an announcement today formally I now have a boner for Lady Gaga what?
Because she's going to be in Joker 2?
The Gucci movie put it over the edge.
She was always like Katy Perry.
A woman I knew objectively was an eight, but my dick was gay for her.
Like it felt nothing.
She could be climbing all over me and I'd be like, do you have any Cialis?
But then A Star is Born with no makeup was a major winner.
And then this put her over the edge.
Is that her or Gaga?
Is this the original woman?
That's Gaga.
Wow.
The original woman is in the black and white arrest photo.
What did you think of Liza Minnelli?
No thank you.
I didn't like her.
She got on TV before she got famous and knocked her mother, Judy Garland.
And see?
God punished her.
The dumb bitch wound up in a wheelchair.
Did you see that expose documentary about her?
The Liza Minnelli?
It's really good.
And Lady Gaga, of course.
Your obsession with puns is like some Russian dude who just learned English three years ago.
Get it?
It's like the lies of Minelli.
That is what we are doing here.
Okay, folks, we're gonna go behind the paywall and take a lot more calls.
Ideally, we get this fixed.
But for your freeloaders, you can go fuck yourselves.
And you understand that the non-freeloaders have to pay a beer and a half a month to enjoy this show.
And it's not just my show.
Matty has his own show where he cooks in his tiny shitty little kitchen.
Oh yeah, Matty's shitty little kitchen.
Split pea soup with smoked ham hocks.
We've got Isabella Riley doing incredibly controversial TV interviews.
And watch what you say about Russians.
I'm one quarter Russian.
Oh.
Well then you're one quarter shitty.
I'm one quarter what?
What what?
We've got We've got Atheism is Unstoppable, Jim Goad, Josh LaCashe.
There's more shows on this network per day than you should watch.
If you watch every single thing we put out, you don't have a life.
And that's a good sign.
When I started this, it was just me.
And I didn't want to say, new content every day, because it was only really four days a week.
There was one show.
Now?
And we're getting more!
You can watch old shows like Milo when he had Nick Fuentes on.
We got all my CRTV shit in there.
We got Milo, Copper Cab, all that old stuff.
Spoke to Copper Cab.
Cornell West debating Candace Owens.
Punk Rock Patriot.
A couple of deep cuts in there.
Josh Denny's new show, Big Time Sports City Sports Show.
So subscribe, it's worth it.
And then unsubscribe if you think you made a mistake.
At any rate, I'm gonna go pee and we're gonna come back in about 10 seconds behind the paywall.
So for all you freeloaders out there, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Kill the sun.
Get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Violent protest over a speaker on campus here.
Fuck you, Normie.
He is apparently a Canadian writer, actor, comedian.
He's the co-founder of Vice.
Go fuck another vagina, you gross pigs.
Serious XF pulling the plug on Anthony Cuneo this week.
You've got big fucking tits.
See crazy shit, man, crazy shit.
I watched that and I said, this chick's too retarded to fuck.
You shouldn't do it.
They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.
This is the part of Seth that's going to get real mean before I leave.
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