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Oct. 3, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:25:24
S04E171 - PUTIN'S SPEECH
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Time Text
From New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, how do I...
The world keeps on spinning, it goes spinning out of control the world keeps on spinning, it goes spinning out of control keeps on spinning, it goes spinning out of control.
I discovered that band.
The Yayas.
That little dude, Nick, who's always hanging around the Lower East Side.
Short guy, but he had giant hair.
Kind of like Ryan.
I guess they do it to add some height.
I'm going to be adding some height to my height this winter with my new look, blue-collar chic, it's called.
You accuse me of being a blue-collar LARPer.
I have a Gucci wallet and a Rolex.
I'm not trying to convince people that I'm blue-collar.
It's an homage.
And in blue-collar chic, the new look I've invented, we have car hearts, but we don't want them broken in.
They're brand new.
And we have Red Wings, but we get mad if you scuff them.
We're high-end blue-collar.
Like our boots, Red Wings are $250.
Thoroughgoods are $255.
Anyway, I thought it was interesting that Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's are back now.
They just put out an album in September called Different Today, I think it's called.
Or that song's called.
No, Cool It Down is the album.
Different Today is the song that we just heard.
But they were around in the early aughts.
Feist sort of put them on the map.
And they had an incredible career.
And then, boo, poof.
I think Karen O is a little cuckoo.
Cuckoo.
And then they were gone.
More like the no-no-nos.
And you go, okay, well, you're done then.
And then they come back and they have an awesome album, just exactly like the strokes.
They vanished.
Albert Hammond did too much heroin.
They vanished.
That's it.
They're relegated to the legacy of the early aughts.
And then, boom, they're bizack.
That's impressive.
I'm impressed.
One time I was at a bar.
It was called 2A on 2nd and A. I was in a bad mood because some fucking millennial was there.
And he brought flip-flops out for the night, which I'm already mad.
And then he took his foot out and he sort of hooked it on.
Upstairs, there was these tables you sat at, these big square tables, more of a lounge.
Then downstairs was more of a bar.
It was a great bar.
Wonder if it's still around.
Great bar.
Great bar.
Not gonna lie, frankly.
And so we're up in the lounge area.
Kareno is very famous at the time.
She's very hot, so she's getting harassed a lot.
Not in a bad way, but like, hey, I wanted you to hear my demo, whatever.
So this guy's there, and one of the low tables has a long sort of support beam across it, right?
And he picks up his toes and he hooks it on there like a monkey.
So then I see someone, and she's sitting on one of those tables, same tables.
It might have been the same night, I'm not sure.
And there's some guy sitting down and he's bothering her, and she wants to talk.
She's really into her stylist.
Her name was Joy.
I think they're still very close.
And you can tell she just wants to hang out with her friend.
And this guy sits with her, and I'm just like, what an annoying twat.
Just leave her be, dude.
And then being the chivalrous guy I am, I took the lemon out of my margarita, and I aimed it.
He was only about five feet away.
I just went, boom.
Got fired suspects down.
Exactly.
I got it onto his eye ball.
What the fuck?
There was no blink, no time to blink.
I covered his eyeball with lemon.
And he just goes, ah!
Ah!
Ow!
Ah!
I maced him.
I maced him with organic mace.
And then she was all, oh my God, Larry, are you okay?
Whatever his name was.
It was her friend.
He wasn't harassing her, Gavin.
And then joy comes over.
Or maybe her name's Faith.
I don't fucking know.
And she goes, did you just throw a lemon in Mark's eye?
And I just ignore I'm talking to someone.
She was kind of a cunt.
What?
And she goes, hey, Gavin, I'm talking to you.
Did you just throw a lemon in Mark's eye?
And eventually I just go, yeah, I did.
And if you don't shut up, I'm going to throw a lemon in your eye.
Classic G-Dog.
Those were good days.
And then from then on, me and Joy were arch enemies by SARS.
She'd be like, there's Gavin, my favorite person.
Pissed off that I tried to save Karen's life.
So anyway, the Yayas are awesome.
That's a good intro song.
But there are no steel beans.
Just discovered this guy over the weekend.
You can look him up.
He's big on Instagram.
Steel is in Strong Stuff.
Beans is in the delicious fart food.
Oh, that reminds me, before we discuss this, I almost got in a fart fight.
Fart fight.
Fart fight.
Would have been my first.
First fart fight.
Maybe ever.
No, there's probably been many.
There's probably been thousands of fights.
Isn't that fight?
It's technically a food fight.
It's called a post-food fight.
Yeah.
The food's already been digested.
But so I go out after the show on Thursday night.
I'm celebrating.
And you can't go to bed after you do a show.
You're all pumped up.
Same with waitresses.
Talk to anyone in the service industry, which is what this is.
You got to sort of wind down a bit.
And I made the mistake.
My wife made this insane beef stew with Guinness in it and then biscuits to dip in the gravy.
I couldn't stop.
So I was this turgid sphere like brew cassalt all day.
Every burp was barf.
I stuffed my face like an animal.
You know how dogs will die if you feed them too much?
That's what it was.
So I'm Letting out some toots.
And I get to the bar.
There's a guy there, FDNY shirt.
He knows the bartender.
I think they might be having an affair.
I don't know.
And he gets up after I sit down and I'm talking to her and blah, blah, blah.
Very jovial kind of vibe.
Project Very Test dudes are there and Maddie's there.
It's good, good hang.
And then that guy's, I see him staring at me.
And then he's standing by the doorway like this.
He's old.
He's about 60.
Staring right at me.
And I'm like, already?
I'll probably just ignore that.
And his shirt says FDNY.
So he doesn't have a problem with me politically.
And so he finally leaves.
And then the barmaid comes up to me.
She goes, you know, that's my friend.
I go, yeah, I know.
He drives you here, right?
Yeah, he was really mad at you.
Why?
Because he said you farted, and it made him have to move.
So he probably, this is what must have happened.
I come in, let out a piece of cobalt, which, by the way, Ryan and my shit and piss smells like cobalt to us.
That's correct.
I don't think it does to anyone else.
That's a good point.
So when we go, oh, no one will know I just farted.
It smells like burnt steel.
They're like, no, that's shit.
He doesn't like you.
I'm sorry.
I don't like you either.
That's like a night in Glasgow.
So he probably, he smells and he goes, for fuck's sakes.
Then he gets up and then he's leaving.
He's probably like, why am I leaving?
Why am I being punished for that asshole's asshole?
And then he said, I'm going to fucking fight him.
And then he was staring at me.
And then he probably went, Andy, what are you doing?
So the show's barely begun.
I've already got two times.
Some shit almost went down.
Anyway, here's some real shit going down with Steel Beans and his one-man band called Steel Beans.
Steel Beans
Steel Beans So you're probably way better than that, right, Ryan?
No, that guy rules.
Is he strumming with his right hand?
I think so, yeah.
What a genius.
Like, if Beethoven was in a time machine, he'd come here and go, Nope, bed, milk, bed.
Jet fuel does not melt those steel beans.
I dreamt a joke last night.
Oh?
You know what?
I did some variation on the boner.
I was like, sad mushroom.
It's weird that he's uncircumcised.
He probably is circumcised.
But I thought, I have to stay true to the dream.
Oh, you're not editing the joke?
I'm not editing.
This is the corest, purest form.
This was the first draft.
Because I thought it was funny to have a semi-erect penis look like a sad clansman, but you'd need a foreskin for that to be true.
So I just gave him a foreskin in the joke.
And I thought, uncircumcised BTW is a very funny way to put it.
Oh, shit.
I sent you the wrong thing.
No, go to my getter.
It's the most recent getter.
Get her done.
Get her done!
I thought, should you, I thought, do you include this joke?
This is all going on in a, not completely a sleep state, but pretty much a sleep state.
Do you include just a random picture of him, which is what I sent you in the notes here?
Or I thought it'd be funnier to include an article about him turning 98 because...
No, go to the getter.
Jimmy Carter complains of, quote, almost non-existent sex life and says his boners resemble a, quote, depressed Klansman.
And then he's uncircumcised, BTW.
Now, of course, the article doesn't mention anything.
I like that.
That's a great format going forward.
Fake news.
Yeah, yeah.
You just pull quotes from an article that doesn't exist.
Holy shit.
I was considering just sending you the picture.
That was what 13 was when I first thought of this.
Yeah.
That's also very funny, too, because the wife's like, yep, not happening.
Very boring rallies going on in my old push.
He's 98.
She's 93, 95.
Cradle robber.
But I'm the bad guy for dating a 15-year-old when I was 18.
Right?
It doesn't make any sense.
Bullcrap.
I'm a paralegal, by the way.
I'm working on Joe Biggs's case, going to be testifying.
Been slaving over the legal documents, trying to understand their crazy language, just in case you're curious.
And then last on the important news, I told you that being a dad to teenagers is like being a corrections officer.
There's some shit going down with Laundry Gate.
And I have to solve it.
I remember David Sedaris, I think it was in Naked, one of his books, he talks about him and his wonderful sister, Amy Sedaris.
They noticed there was shit on the towels, a little shit streak that kept repeating.
And they decided they had to get to the bottom of this.
So David and Amy, I can't remember if they recruited their mom or not, started this investigative thing, watching who has a shower what, monitoring the towels before and after, and they found out who wasn't cleaning their ass well enough and then wiping it on the towel.
I have to do something similar with laundry.
This boy of mine is, no, he's not shitting on towels.
He is doing like a laundry a day.
I always see him running downstairs to the laundry.
And every time I check it, I pull out the dryer and it's full.
Now, my initial theory is, there's just one thing that's bothering me.
I think that he has his favorite shirt or shirts, maybe three shirts, and he does a laundry just for them.
Right?
But if I open the dryer and there's just one shirt there, there's going to be hell to pay.
Especially because our fucking Con Ed bill was $50 a day this year.
Yes, you heard me, right?
Don't say it's my house.
It's $30 here in the studio.
It's New York Lunacy and Con Ed.
So my new theory is I think he's putting in extra laundry.
He's taking clean laundry and throwing it in with his t-shirt so he can have a full load.
Yeah, maybe.
So I now have to examine, I have to maybe lock the laundry room door and inspect laundry as it comes in.
Maybe even photograph it and make sure I'm not seeing the same thing coming in.
Because I caught him about two weeks ago where he goes, yeah, I used to do tons of laundry back then because I only had two pairs of socks.
We can get you more socks.
At $50 a day, it's a good investment.
I don't want to be a narc, but it's not like weed, right?
Where he's like trying to get rid of the weed smell.
I never thought of that.
But athletes usually don't smoke weed.
Yeah, he's a jock.
And you would smell it.
You would have come across it already.
I don't know.
I think my daughter may have gotten away with some weed in the house.
They'd use the vape they blew out the window.
Oh, yeah, those pens are tricky now.
Wow.
So I'll keep you posted on Laundry Gate, but I have to get to the bottom of this.
Because there is constantly laundry going.
And I told you, I don't do laundry at the house.
I bring it to the Chinaman.
Just dropped off a huge bag, nine bucks.
And when I get it back, it's all folded.
It's never mixed up with any of my families.
I don't have to worry about that.
It's done the way I like it.
Nothing weird.
You should consider.
No, you shouldn't consider that.
I found some sprinkles on the World Wide Web.
Now, this isn't particularly hilarious, this girl.
I'm not saying check out this unbelievable joke.
This is not witty.
You just get the vibe from her that she has it.
She has what it is.
Yes.
Where is he at?
Not here.
He's not in New York.
Oh, we're at long distance?
Yeah.
Oh, that's going to work out.
It's a nice tent open, so like...
Oh, no, it's really going to work out.
Oh my God.
How much longer do you think are you going to go?
Open date.
Open.
Open to date.
Hey, any single guys in here tonight?
Neil is open to date.
She's pretty much single.
See what I mean?
Like the way she laughs at her own jokes and says, pretty much single?
You can zoom out so people can look her up.
This is what I mean by sprinkles.
I'm not saying here's the most hilarious joke ever made.
I'm saying here's someone that I can tell has the talent.
She's just got what it takes.
And even if she didn't have good material, I can tell it's going to be there.
Like, what's this one?
Random check.
Throwing the dart at El, what's her name?
Elle Orlando?
Ellie Orlando.
What's up, people?
Bunger, no, as they say.
I have a comedy show, okay?
It's called LOL Comedy.
The next one is next Tuesday, October 11th.
It's actually what I wanted to choose.
It's an announcement for a show.
So a thing I've done on TikTok for a little bit now is do like hinge roasts.
So if you want me to review or roast your hinge, you can just send it like screenshots to Roast My Hinge.
I shouldn't have done that.
Roast my hinge.
Roast my hinge.
God, I'm old.
Everything sounds like fucking Chinese to me.
And then, of course, we got to mention Trevor Noah is gone.
Left the Daily Show.
Does he know he failed?
I always wonder this about people who fail.
Do they know they failed?
You got the Daily Show because some stupid liberal white women were running Comedy Central and they wanted an international flavor.
So they chose you because you're black, not a normal black.
They can say African.
You had done stand-up, I don't know, three or four times, and they thought this is perfect.
They didn't look at your comedy.
They looked at your race, your cultural background, your pedigree, and then they chose you.
And you did the show and slowly killed it.
From 1.3 million to 300,000, which by any stretch of the imagination is fucking pathetic.
What do you think?
Does he know?
Oh, well, I don't really care.
I maybe should have included that in shit I don't care about.
So let's bring on the floating turd and talk about some shit that I don't care about.
Shit I don't fucking care about.
Shit I totally don't even care about.
Shit I don't care about.
So the hot chick that we were simping on keeps coming back from the viewers.
They know her name now.
Apparently she is the GF of Steve Will Do It.
Now you're a dork, Ryan.
You probably know who Steve Will Do It is.
I actually don't.
Oh, really?
Good.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
He seems to be some piece of shit like fitness bra.
Here's a painful interview with some muscular guy, Logan Paul type of dude.
You must know this guy.
That guy I don't know.
The Logan Paul guys I know.
Well, duh.
Steve's in the background.
So that's her.
He's over here.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Her name is Celia.
Selena Smith.
Selena Smith.
So sh, no, I think I said that she looks like some whore.
Selena.
Was it Selena Gomez who had the red hair at the time?
No, Ariana Grande.
Ariana Grande.
Yes, that bitch.
So I said that.
Did you?
I had red-ass hair.
And I said, I liked it.
And then she said something like, text me sometime or something.
At 14.
At 14, what kind of phones were you guys texting on?
He was into self-care at 14 years old.
Yeah, he like always did face masks and stuff.
He always did face masks.
And his mom loved to give him face masks as gifts.
He was doing things.
I want a new Holocaust.
It's so funny because of all young people.
And obviously, I want to get into more about your guys' relationship.
It's you in general, but he's one of the most ironically because I'm going to see him as like.
So this interview is one of the most painful and boring interviews I've ever deigned to look at.
Even what the fuck is a dumb fireplace?
It's a wood stove surrounded by drywall, surrounded by brick.
What?
Here's the most replayed.
It's all good.
It'll be easy for you.
Go to get roman.com slash check out 7.
Where is it now?
718.
She talks about her OnlyFans.
She goes, OnlyFans is really cool.
It's not just what you think.
I mean, people use it for cooking, all kinds of stuff.
And he goes, what do you use it for?
And she goes, I show my tits.
I just have a lot.
I'm like topless.
Wait, go back.
Go back a little bit.
And they don't do anything explicit.
Like, it's just photos that girls are already posting on Instagram.
Yeah.
So what do you think about the stigma around it?
I mean, I think that it's for anyone.
Like, you can make of it whatever you want to.
Like, you don't have to show anything if you don't want to.
She's speaking out of her eyes, dude.
Give her a break.
Welcome to the show.
Like, cooking shows.
You can do so many different things on OnlyFans.
Oh, good.
What do you do on OnlyFans?
I just have a lot.
I'm like topless and I do videos.
You do topless shit.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
I found them.
Do you want to see her holy moly?
Fuck.
That's dope.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
I have been since the start, though.
I think I've been seeing OnlyFans for like two years now.
I know everyone is probably thinking that they're like, fuck you, you scumbout.
You for sure already subscribed, but I actually have never done that.
I've never subscribed to Celina's OnlyFans.
Oh my God.
This is the stupid community.
You want to see the tits or no?
Sure.
Okay.
This is not safe for work.
So stop it.
These are her.
Are they fake pajums?
Yeah, they're looking pretty fake.
They're real pajums.
Well, there's no scarring anywhere.
They're really...
I like that they don't get along.
Now they're getting along.
I guess she doesn't have to have any kind of an IQ with tits like this.
Wait a minute.
Did I see a scar?
I don't know.
And her boyfriend, of course, Steve Will Do It, is you know how recently we were talking about how I want to meet a Biden fan.
I'm not even mad.
I want to look at you.
I want to prod you with a stick.
And here he is talking about his various cars.
Yeah, I don't care.
Biden 2024 with a rainbow flag.
That's got to be a joke.
I don't think so.
Bro, it's hard for me to fucking get mad at anything right now.
I do have like seven other cars, so.
Yeah, I mean, I'll just, my life sucks.
I just gotta drive a Ferrari or the Rolls Royce or the McLaren or the Supra.
But yeah, I mean, fuck, how do you feel?
You have a Lamborghini and a Tesla.
I feel pretty good.
I won't like drive it too far.
I won't drive the Lambo too far.
I'll take it to like Pilates, your house and back.
But this car might have to go see my side guys in this car.
You got guys on the side?
No.
What up, you guys?
Thank you so much for watching my YouTube video.
Last video, I said that I was going to announce a winner-the wins.
I don't care.
I've had enough of this.
I can't believe I looked at all this shit.
I feel dirty.
Speaking of dirty, Ryan has recorded a segment that he wants to show us about his lunch.
Yes.
This is something I really, really don't care about.
Oh, that's where you're putting this.
That hurts.
What did you think it was going to be?
At the Sundance Film Festival?
Maybe.
My headphones on.
Okay, this is already great.
My sauce is all prepared.
What kind of sauces did you put?
I actually keep Chick-fil-A sauce.
Well, I go into it.
I explain.
All right, guys, what is popping?
We are here with the very exclusive, brand new.
These just dropped today, these bad boys.
Let me give a little spin.
Let me give another little spin.
You already know what it is here.
So this comes with a toy.
This is for adults.
This was $12.95.
And there's two options.
Either a Big Mac or 10-piece nugs.
I got the Big Mac.
Why?
Because Nugs sounds like Niggas?
Because their nuggets are mysterious and strange.
Nuggets are mysterious and strange.
So, oh, they don't even show you what...
They don't show you what toy you got.
It feels like the Cactus Buddy.
Which is a new guy.
So who is this company that did that box?
They're called Cactus Something Flea Market.
And Kanye likes their stuff.
They make hoodies and merch.
They're like a hype beast brand.
What's Hype Beast mean?
Like, you know, like Balenciaga for Supreme.
They're like in the vein of Supreme.
Balenciaga.
Balenciaga is like a high-end Saint-Rom, brand.
But they're a rapper-hyped brand, basically.
Balenciaga would be just some boring designer brand that only rich people buy.
But now youngsters want to buy them because rappers.
I remember them making me wait till after I eat to get the toy.
It is the Cactus Buddy.
Wow.
It's pretty premium looking.
It's a two-piecer.
So they molded one side, molded the other side, put it together so it's hollow.
Not super premium, but like the paint's very nice.
Like the beta.
It looks like it's made of clay almost.
They have Grimace.
They don't have Roddle back the bottom.
My kids got one.
They got the Grimace?
They got Grimace.
That one's apparently going to have resale value.
Oh, Grim.
I can't wait to get on eBay.
So that's that.
Head to the post office.
The rest of the meeting fucking Grimace all bubble-wrapped in, selling it to Denver, Colorado.
So that's basically it.
I take a couple of bites, and now it's on my shelf.
Oh, too bad it's not on my care.
Look.
This is Ethan trying to be funny with Liver King.
And it not going very well for him.
Ethan Klein, of course.
Ethan Klein.
You'll notice whenever he's nervous, his twitches really start going.
Any kind of confrontation, it's chaos.
It's eyebrow chaos.
Do you have to have sex in a certain position?
Because you're so big, and sometimes fat guys have a problem.
They have to go into a certain position.
I mean, you're massive, right?
And also, I don't know how well endowed you are, but like, what's the situation with your, what position do you have to go in a position?
Are you guys fully flexible?
Because you're both very muscular.
Yeah.
Here's the thing.
Never talk about my wife in this context.
I got it kind of a bummer.
He diffuses it immediately and is like, but all seriously, all serious.
All jokes aside.
So he was fucking with him.
And I wanted that to be truer, but unfortunately.
Unfortunately, they broke down.
Did you do a mailbag of Liver King?
I did.
All right.
Well, thanks for wrecking that bit.
That was awesome.
I think the world should know.
Because Liver King is a pushover.
He only alpha that one guy from Barstool who asked all those weird questions with a bolo.
He's really short?
He looks like your height.
He is.
Well.
Find out what's primal and what's subprimal.
Hey, do you live here?
So this is a guy who goes around confronting people on their steroid usage.
So he's like afraid to meet him, but he's like pretending he's so pumped to meet him.
He's like, dude, what's going on, man?
Has he called out Liver King before?
Oh, yeah.
You know, somebody showed me a video when you said, hey, I'll play my own way.
You come to adrenaline off the charts.
I'll go to your house.
And if any of this stuff is true, if you really sleep on the wood, if you really eat this weight, I'll retract all my other videos.
And I'm like, why would I want him to retract the videos?
He's talking about Liverkick.
By the way, I want you to meet the queen.
Trying to like warm up to him.
Here's my family.
And then where are the liver boys at?
Stratfara!
I saw him back there, bro.
I can spot yourself.
Katras over here.
Kenny, K!
Oh, right here.
Say hi to the guy.
This is so awkward.
Young prodigies.
Are you guys on Trent as well?
Not to say it's true.
I always say it all the time.
It's not even a joke.
The frims are over and we get water, right?
And I'm like, hey, you guys know what's in the water?
Yeah, that was...
Some sort of anabolic steroids, for sure.
But he's not hiding it.
Deca or Trent?
No, he lies about it all the time.
He says it's all natural.
Oh.
And how do you know he's lying?
I mean, he is.
Like, a body doesn't look that way.
I don't care how much liver you eat.
And like his protruding gut like that, Weck pointed out that that's because of doing steroids, like Joe Rogan has it too.
It expands your guts, basically.
And so that's a telltale sign, also the hypervascularity and some other features.
More stuff I don't care about.
Well, this is kind of weird.
I didn't care about Coolio dying.
Whatever.
Of course he's dead.
DMX.
Old black guy has money.
They died.
But now I do kind of care because allegedly he had been approached by some big rap stars who wanted him to S their D. How a couple of, I'm not going to say no names, but some big, big top, top hats of the industry were coming at him.
Is that a phrase?
I don't think so.
I think it's like Wild Wild West.
Top hat.
He heard top.
He knows this term top hat.
He's top of mind.
He could have said top guns, top of mind.
By the way, we're coming to him asking for sex.
You know?
They were coming at him, talking about some child trafficking stuff.
We were going to expose it all.
There's a lot of shit I know that I want to tell people.
I can't believe they got the real guy from SpongeBob, the burger episode.
There's Ryan and his child references.
It's a good reference.
Things I want to teach, but I'm afraid.
I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm scared because I got four grandchildren.
And I got children that are in this world.
I got people I care about.
And I got people that I care about that don't necessarily believe what I believe.
And I'm not.
I have no fear of death.
And I think that those that would oppose my beliefs, they've probably done enough.
If somebody's after me or if somebody's watching me, then they know enough about me to know that I have no fear of death.
So killing me don't mean shit.
It just confirms that what I said was true.
But I do have a fear of them hurting my family.
So I'm cared about certain things.
I would just like to make it clear that I am scared of death and I don't want to die and I especially don't want my family hurt, but I don't want to get hurt either.
Correct.
Big top hats there.
And then the final thing I don't care about, of course, is a woman who couldn't shit in India because she's kind of hung up about it.
I love this.
You're familiar with it?
I am, and I like it.
It's a good song.
was doing this all day on a Saturday with my wife.
The thing about me is that when I was 10, I went to India to visit my family.
And when I was 10, I had this problem where I refused to shit outside my own house.
Lots of people like that.
Julie, I do have this problem.
But that's not the point.
So let's get back to it.
So, because I refused to shit, I didn't.
And then one day I really didn't shit.
I went to the toilet of my friend Mum's mouth and I tried to chip.
But what happened was I couldn't shit because I was cutting painted.
And I was in a lot of pain.
So I screamed for my mom.
And she came in and she took a piece of paint.
But it's not damaged.
It's hard to do that long.
It's actually kind of impressive.
Stop for a second here.
I'm sorry to gross everyone out at home, especially if you're having this around dinner time.
But this reminds me of Whitney Houston.
If you recall, what's his name?
Eddie B. The reality show she had.
She was so constipated, I assume from opioids.
Oh, yeah.
too much heroin, and she couldn't get the...
Yes.
The aptly named Bobby Brown.
The epitomeist Bobby Brown.
And he went into her butthole.
And I don't think you can pull out a shit.
That's not how it works.
But you could probably get your finger in there and like rack out a few popcorns.
And that's what she did.
That's what he did for her.
Doodoo butt.
Doodoo bubbles or something she said?
Doodoo bubble.
And then she pointed out that that's true love.
That is true love.
And America flew the flags at the White House at half-mast when she OD'd because we live in a country that has forgone Christianity and replaced it with worshiping black people, especially black women.
So they can do disgusting garbage like this, and people are like, yeah, that's great.
I love it.
It works.
I'm going to dig a doodoo bubble out of your butt.
Okay.
All right.
He's tripping.
I'm about to drop it on the board.
That turtle was too big.
Come out of the butt and she couldn't get it out.
And I had to help her.
Nothing worked.
She couldn't put me playing it right here.
America's princess died.
Oh, thank God.
My sisters are going, that's love.
That's love.
That's love.
Black love.
Black love.
Anyway, let's get back to the dancing shitmonger.
Can't you just go shit out on the road?
After pulling out my shit, I still had to shit even more.
So what I did was squeeze even harder.
But it was not enough to get the shit out.
So my family decided to go to a hospital and see a doctor.
So yes, we went to a hospital.
But because I had shit a little before, my ass was dirty and full of shit.
So when I put my pants, it was also full of shit.
But that's okay.
So I went to the doctor and she said, oh, I have to inject something up your ass.
And I said, okay, fine.
So she injected something up my ass.
And then the injection made me want to shit even more.
And then I asked her, can I use the toilet?
And she said, okay, sure.
But then her toilet was the most freaking disgusting thing I ever seen.
But then I was so urgent to shit.
Then I didn't care.
But when I...
It cuts off.
What's the end of the story?
I know.
Is there another one?
If you follow that user?
Oh, God.
Thank you.
God, you're dumb.
It's a separate video.
Then I didn't care.
But when I went to shit, it still didn't want to come out.
So my mom propped me up on the toilet and pushed my stomach while I took a shit.
After 13 freaking minutes, the shit finally came out.
Good story.
Do you have a shit story?
No?
Oh.
But I am sick of all of this disgusting garbage that we started the show with.
We should do something serious.
For a change.
And get rid of I don't care about.
Because I want to talk about Putin's speech.
I watched it very carefully.
And, you know, the translation was fascinating.
And I think what he was doing with it was he was combining...
Sorry.
Truths about America.
With myths about America.
Selling them like a Trojan horse.
And it's a pile of bullshit.
But this is kind of hard to articulate.
But on the one hand, I get him.
And I understand him not wanting Ukraine to get...
To become part of NATO.
I'm not sure that's 100% of his motive.
We tend to sort of impose our own motives onto other people.
Like with Osama bin Laden.
With 9-11, we said, well, it's our foreign policy in Afghanistan.
He said so.
That made him mad.
No.
That's a reasonable explanation.
In quotes.
He just hates infidels.
He hates the evil West.
He wanted to hurt Americans.
And he got us where it counts in our pocketbook in the World Trade Center.
That's all.
Don't give these people too much credit.
So this whole like, oh, he's just mad about NATO.
And if he wouldn't...
Yeah, that's us giving him a good reason.
He saw the West being weak.
And he thought, this is a good time for me to get some fucking land.
And NATO sounds good.
And I thought this came across in his speech, which wasn't really much about Ukraine.
Did you see it?
I saw some of it, actually.
Yeah.
And I think it went a little something like this.
What the hell?
The problem with Russia versus the West is very simple.
The West is very greedy and seeks to enslave and colonize other nations like us.
Russia.
The West uses power of finance and technology to enforce its will on other nations.
To collect hegemons tax.
The...
To the...
Stop.
Stop.
What?
Hegemons tax?
you're calling us a hegemony yes and you're saying we dominate the world then we charge taxes so we're the colonists first of all Britain were the colonists we didn't do much what what what did we colonize the American Virgin Islands from the Native Americans, you colonized, you know.
Okay, no one understands that, the least of which is you.
We are another tribe, just like many tribes.
We're the tribe that won North America.
They were all warring.
We fought alongside some, against others.
We fought tribes on behalf of other tribes.
It was a 400-year war, my friend.
So, and you're the one, this whole like hegemon's tax, like we're this hegemony that conquers the world and then charges tax.
What do you think you do?
Well, Russia doesn't have, you know, soldiers deployed all over the world.
You have like world police.
The polizia did the world.
Yeah, we don't really have...
We have bases in various countries in the world so we can have better access.
Like with Benghazi, we could have used our guys that were in Italy to get down.
They were nearby.
But we're not roaming the streets of Reggio di Calabria, making sure people don't litter.
So that's a straw man again.
But I'm sorry.
Get back to your speech.
Well, basically, to this end, the West destabilizes countries, creates terrorism.
No, where's the music?
Oh, you did like it?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's how I prefer to do the speech.
Okay, well, here it is.
Okay.
I'm going to be pausing you when you lie.
That's fine.
You will not pause me, because I do not lie.
Let's see.
Okay.
To this end, the West destabilizes countries, creates terrorist enclaves, and most of all seeks to deprive other countries of sovereignty.
Agreed?
No, not agreed.
Give me an example.
Well, it is this avarice and desire to preserve its power that is the reason for the hybrid war.
The collective states West is waging on Russia.
They want us to be a colony.
They do not want us to be free.
They want Russians to be mobs of soulless slaves.
I have some bad news for you.
We don't want you.
We destabilized communism with Reagan and Tear Down That Wall and birthmark head Gorbachev.
And then we were happy that capitalism got a stronghold.
And we don't consider it a free market now by any means, but it's definitely not communist anymore.
So we're happy that you guys are starting to catch up to the free world, but we don't want your shit.
It sucks.
It's frozen.
We don't want you.
We want to supply oil.
In fact, the less you're involved in other things, the better.
And the less we're involved with you, the better.
And again, you're not talking to Biden here.
I don't want to get involved in Ukraine.
You can have that.
What is it, Dagenforth?
Dagestan.
You can have that.
Thank you.
But this idea that we're Russia, what do you call this?
Russophobes?
Yeah, Russophobia.
And we're trying to take over Russia.
Sorry, dude.
It's like that fake speech that they did with King Charles where he goes, India, don't worry about it.
No one wants you.
You're on your own.
That's you.
No one wants your frozen shithole.
Nobody ever gave chance to have the Olympic Games in Russia.
We wanted to host the Olympic Games for a long time.
I don't care, sure.
Go ahead.
I'm not sure you could handle the infrastructure, by the way.
Of course we could.
Yeah, okay.
Anyway.
Anyway.
Okay.
Let me get back into it again.
I got it, Shan.
You got to find your beat.
Yes.
Okay.
Let's bring it back to the beginning.
Yeah!
The rules-based order the West goes is about is nonsense.
Who made these rules?
Who agreed to the God?
God?
Yeah.
Our rights come from God.
Russia is ancient country and civilization, and we will not play by these rigged rules.
Rigged.
Whatever.
Tomato, tomato.
The West has no moral authority to challenge the referendums because it has violated the borders of other countries.
Like what?
Tons.
Name one.
What borders have we violated?
I don't know.
And I noticed, like, you go back to this, these things from, like, the 17th century or something.
That's irrelevant.
No.
America's a brand new country.
You can't be bringing up fucking the, what do you call it, the times of trouble when your own ridiculous feudal system collapsed and you all starved.
Now that's my fault?
Well, that's the point.
Russia has a large rich history and you can't, you know, nuke kid on block.
You're like a nuke kid block.
Marky Mark.
Different band.
We're the nuke kids on the block.
Hey.
Watch it.
It's pretty good.
I thought you were saying, hey, don't bring up nukes or all.
That too.
Okay.
Yeah, but, you know, Western elites, you're all totalitarian.
You know what?
This reminds me of liberals.
And I said this to Glenn Beck when I was down there last week.
I was like, can't an allegation be true?
Like, give me something concrete that we did wrong because there's plenty of shit America's done wrong.
But like, we want to colonize Russia?
Yes.
Your home, if your lineage goes back to England, most colonization happened.
Oh, so now I'm responsible for everything England has done.
And that relates to the war now.
It runs through your blood.
Your flag is same color.
It shows.
You know what runs through your blood?
Vodka.
Don't.
Okay, that's fine.
Anyway, you're despotic and apartheidistic.
True.
They are racist against Russia and other countries.
Did you just say your own speech true?
Yeah.
So you're reading your own speech and then you go, that's true.
Did you write this speech?
Yes, of course.
But here's the thing.
I don't get apartheidistic, which isn't a word, by the way.
What are we doing that's apartheidistic?
Nowhere on earth are people more free than in America.
Go ahead.
Okay.
Basically, you discriminate and call yourselves the civilized world.
You colonize, start a global slave trade, genocided Native Americans, village Indian Africa.
We started the global slave trade.
He was just getting into roll.
America, 1776, dude.
Africa, Arabs and Jews started the global slave trade.
I'm not even positive about Jews.
I've heard that.
But definitely Arabs and Africans heavily involved in the global slave trade.
We were involved.
We came on way late.
As Pat Buchanan says, the West did not invent slavery, but the West alone abolished it.
So don't fucking bring slavery into this.
The slavery shit, the Indian shit, this is like high school liberal crap.
Well, how about the fact that you forced China to buy opium through the war?
Yes, there you go.
Finally, an allegation that has some validity.
That was Scotland, by the way.
Scotland and England, not America, but I guess it was the West.
This is handy where you attack America, but you use the West.
So we are the recipients of your allegations, yet the people you're criticizing involve the entire Western world throughout all of Western history.
That's very convenient for you.
But sure, if I'm defending the West, yeah.
We did force the Chinese to use opium.
We did destroy them.
That's a war.
Sorry, they lost.
China is their friends.
Don't do opium.
Well, it's hard not to if it's just around.
Yeah, sorry.
You ever been to a party and somebody goes to the bathroom and they're like, yeah, you want a little opium?
No, thanks.
I got to work tomorrow.
Anyway, we, on the other hand, are proud that we led the anti-colonial movement that helped countries develop to reduce poverty and inequality.
Okay.
Is that it?
You're done?
No, I got more.
Just to break down.
They are russophobic because we didn't allow our country to be pillaged by creating strong centralized state-based Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and Buddhism.
They have been trying to destabilize our country in the 17th century.
Hold on, stop.
Are you saying that your country was made on Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism?
No.
We didn't allow our country to be pillaged by creating a strong centralized state based on those.
So you, hold on a sec.
So you created a centralized state based on Christianity and Judaism.
How long has that shit been legal over there for?
Like an hour and a half?
And shithead, you're a fucking atheist who left his wife for some teenage slut, abandoned your family.
Now you're Mr. Traditional Christian Values guy?
First of all, you do not speak of my wife this way.
Just kidding.
Which one?
Just kidding.
Oh, Leverking, you see.
Anyway.
Remember the times of trouble?
You've been trying to do this since 17th century in the times of trouble.
Times of trouble was all you.
Nah, net.
Eventually, you managed to get your hands on the riches at the end of the 20th century.
They called us friends and partners while pumping out trillions of dollars.
No, dude, stop.
We got a hold of your riches.
How do you think you got rich?
You and the oligarchs got rich when the free market opened up when you could finally sell to the world.
So you're welcome for that.
I got my hand on your riches.
No, I paid you for the riches and you got rich.
How much are you worth?
I think you're way richer than Elon Musk.
Yeah.
Elon Rusk.
Eh, stunk.
Okay, you pumped out trillions of dollars and we remember this.
We did not forget the West claims to bring freedom and democracy to other countries, but it's the exact opposite of truth.
It's true.
And the unipolar world is anti-democratic by its very nature.
Okay.
You disagree?
I don't even know what that unipolar world?
Yes.
So a world that is controlled by one group, it can't be democratic because it's controlled by one group, but we're not trying to control the world.
That's a dumb allegation.
And if you look at, again, I don't know if I'm defending America or the West in general, but if you look at Britain's colonization, it's been receding.
Another piece of red left my atlas today, says Bob Geldoff, as we lose Singapore, Hong Kong's about to go.
Australia, Canada.
Gone, gone, gone, gone.
Well, how about the fact that you used nuclear weapons, creating a precedent?
They fled to German cities without any military to do so.
Wait, wait, stop.
We destroyed German cities without any military need to do so in World War II, I assume you're talking about?
Yes.
That was you.
You destroyed Germany.
Russian soldiers were notorious rapists.
I think they raped 2 million German women.
I mean, you won the war in World War II with your slaughtering.
And it was Stalin who was all about destroying Dresden, the bombing of Dresden.
Remember Dresden?
Where people were jumping into lakes to get away from the fires, but it was so hot the lakes were boiling.
So they boiled alive in the lakes.
That was Stalin's plan because he wanted to draw the troops east.
Okay, so.
So to say we are the ones destroying German cities, you were holding our hand and you were in front of us.
Not me personally, like the top hats.
Stalin.
The Soviet Union.
Yeah, the top hats at the time.
Anyway.
You know, there was no need to do that except to scare us in the rest of the world.
Korea, we have.
You were in World War II on our side.
What are you talking about?
Well, to this day, they occupy Japan, South Korea, and Germany.
How do we occupy Japan?
We occupy Japan and North Korea?
You have military bands.
Germany?
Yeah, those are...
Think of them as 7-Elevens.
I know you already hit that point, but I didn't...
Okay, whatever.
Yeah.
Let's just...
Okay.
Okay.
So you occupy South Korea, Japan, Germany, and other countries while cynically calling them allies.
True.
The West inside surveillance over leaders of these nations who swallow these insults like the slaves they are.
The U.S. rules the world by the power of the feast.
And any country which seeks to challenge Western hegemony becomes enemy.
Their neo-colonism is cloaked in lies like containment.
The only reason you're not a neo-colonialist, as you put it, is you can't.
You can't even handle your own country.
You would love to, you can't even handle Dagestan or Chechnya.
They all want to separate.
They don't want to be part of you.
So who are you going to colonize, dude?
Your people are starving.
They're freezing.
China and Iran.
Okay, good.
The concept of truth has been destroyed with fakes and extreme propaganda.
You cannot feed your people with printed dollars and social media.
Stop.
Go hammer time.
Go hammer time.
No, no.
Stop.
That was a really good point.
Finally, I don't know how long we are into your stupid speech, but yeah, we cannot feed our people with social media.
We cannot feed our people by printing money.
Biden is printing way too much money.
That's why we're having this inflation tsunami.
So touche.
Finally, you get a salient point.
And social media is a waste of time.
It's draining the brains of our children, making us all stupider and weaker and more complacent.
It's our vodka.
It's our opiate of the masses, in a sense.
So touche on that.
And yeah, the whole food shit is weird.
We don't know what's going on with these food plants burning down.
Something is smelling very eat the bugs about all this.
That's not the only salient point.
The other ones were like elite.
No, the other ones were garbage.
Less salient.
The other ones were shit.
They were just lies.
Less salient.
Straw men.
Salient light.
They were shlufguns, which is, that's Russian for straw.
Whoa.
Not bad.
Western elites have no desire to find solution to the food and energy crisis that you created.
They solved the problems at the start of the 20th century with a World War I and U.S. established dominance of the world via the dollar as a result of World War II.
In the 80s, they had another crisis they solved by plundering our country.
And now they want to separate your country by breaking Russia.
Okay.
We broke the Soviet Union.
We don't want to break Russia now.
We don't care about you.
You know the meme with Mad Men where he goes, I feel sorry for you.
And he goes, I never think about you ever.
That's how we feel about you.
We never think about you.
I don't know why our retard id Mr. Magu president gave Ukraine 40 billion.
We're not backing that.
But go on.
This better be winding up soon.
Sounded mean.
It's a curse.
Okay.
Okay.
Now, this is my little type.
Russia understands the responsibility to the international community and will do everything to cool the heads of the neocolonists who are destined to fail.
They're crazy.
I want to speak to all Russian citizens.
Do we want to replace mom and dad with parent one and two?
They invented genders and claim you can transition.
You want this for our children?
Nit.
We have different vision.
Okay, stop.
Just rhymes.
And that was good.
And Satan is, I don't know, second or third point.
But yeah, you're right.
This gender shit is fucking ridiculous.
And by the way, thank you to these LGBT retards who have given guys like Putin fodder to criticize America.
This guy's ginning up the troops, getting the 18 to 25s mad enough to fight, and he's using your ridiculous puberty blockers and all that shit.
I'm not talking to you, Putin, by the way.
To give them fuel, to show us as the great Satan.
So thank you for that.
Not only are you fucking up our children, but you're getting Russian young men drafted, trying to avoid the very mess that you created.
So your bullshit has now become global.
It is now spread over to Russia and Ukraine and is being used as propaganda against the West.
It is all there that this is holy war and you have embraced it and don't say holy.
You're not even religious, dude.
You have to believe in God to be part of a holy war.
Anyway, wrap it up.
It better be done soon.
Okay.
We haven't got to anything of consequence, really.
The world is going through a revolutionary transformation.
It's a multipolar world, offers nations freedom to develop as they wish, as they make up the majority of the world.
They have many like-minded friends in Western countries.
We can see and appreciate their support.
They are forming liberation and anti-colonial movements as we speak.
This will only grow.
I don't get the anti-colonial thing.
We're not trying to colonize you.
We don't want to colonize Ukraine.
You think we want to be there?
Like I said, I wrote this before you extinguished that.
Okay, okay, fine.
I won't do well.
This will only grow.
Okay, yes, very true.
The idea of exceptionalism is criminal and we must turn this shameful page.
The breaking of the West hegemony is inevitable.
That's it?
There's no going back.
We are fighting for our great historic Russia.
Our values are the love of our fellow men, compassion, and mercy.
Mercy?
How many people have you personally had killed for criticizing you, Mr. KGB?
Mercy?
Wouldn't put any of your fucking Ukrainian eggs in that basket.
Are you done?
Well, at least, uh, unlike that Indian girl, you were able to take a shit.
Ha ha ha.
Not bad, right?
Pretty good.
Pretty good.
All right, let's do a quick pet Biden before we hit the mailbag.
Hi-o-ee-o.
Biden.
On him I can depend my pet.
Biden.
A monster of the president.
He's big and loose.
Sleepy.
But a friendly monster too.
My pet.
Biden.
Wait, what?
That doesn't rhyme.
Checking the news these days is elder abuse.
It's checking in on elder abuse.
You know when you have those videos of the old folks' home, you see some black bitch beating the shit out of some geriatric woman who has her 94-year-old cunt hanging out of her wardrobe?
Her what?
What's it called?
Her robe.
Robe.
Every day.
And I had to check some of these because I had to go look at the Friday show's notes and go, did we already cover this?
Because it looks damn similar.
Nope, this is all new.
Check the mail that says drop that I sent you, Ryan.
This is think about what you think about.
Now, I've heard that chimps, when they get old, they get real ornery.
And that's the problem with these people who domesticate them.
They have a cute little diaper on them, like Cassandra Fairbanks.
Everything's fine.
Although I think she has a different type of monkey.
But like the BJ and the Bear monkey or the one that Michael Jackson had, they're fine, they're fine.
Then they get older and they start getting vicious.
You know why?
Because they're like us.
And we get scared of being killed.
We know we're going to get culled from the herd soon by the alpha gorilla.
So we have to act tough and we get real mean and violent as a defense mechanism.
And I think that's what happened to this geriatric chimp.
Not a joke.
Think about it.
Think about what you'd think about at the time.
I was not ready for that.
I sent it to you on the weekend.
That was...
And every time we're talking about anything confusing or I lose my train of thought, I want you to pull that up.
My lord.
You're so mad.
Think about what you think about.
Think about what you think about.
This is fun.
Here's just a typical day at the old folks' home as he's trying to accept the award for the oldest person in the world.
Relentless.
Have relentlessly worked.
And apparently they're going along in a fairly orderly way.
I remain focused on helping Puerto Rico.
And I immediately approved the expected major disasters, reducing that cost and concern.
It could be that they need this progress.
It's a leader of the free world, folks.
Like my problem with Putin's speeches, it was full of lies, but they were articulate lies.
And they were believable lies.
The idea that we're racist Russia phobes and we want to colonize the world, I mean, we did some colonizing.
We have done a lot of meddling.
We were in Afghanistan for 20 years.
We've got a lot of neocons in the government who want to spread America far and wide.
Not terrible.
The idea that he's this bastion of Christianity and religion and we're Satanists, I mean, the first part's an obvious pile of shit.
But the second part, I don't know, with these kids and the, we're chopping children's tits off.
It's hard to defend.
A nine-year-old taking puberty blockers, not easy to defend.
And again, thank you for that, queers, for making it easy for other people to call us Satanists.
And then, of course, this is the one I thought, stop me if I've shown you this already, Ryan.
But this, I discovered at 3.30 p.m. on Friday.
So it's, anyway, I can't remember if I've shown you this or not, but it's one of the worst ones.
He goes to grab him.
Thank you.
Grab him.
Did you see the edit where he's like, where's Jackie?
Is Jackie here?
And he's walking away.
I love how she tries to grab him.
We had a baby monster right in the end.
They go, I think what's going on is his earpiece is constantly telling him 100% of what to do.
And he admitted himself.
He goes, for the past 50 years, I've had a card that I'm given to at breakfast that tells me my whole day.
So the only time he's even almost on his own is when a speech is over and he has to find his way back to wherever.
And he cannot handle that.
Can he handle the entire country?
And by the way, when you're the leader of the free world, you're not just handling America.
You're handling the entire world.
He cannot handle leaving a podium.
I think the plan with the pipeline was, let's blow it up and then make it look like Russia did it.
And then we'll say, you dummies, you blow up your own pipeline.
We use it as propaganda.
That's what you do in war.
You lie, you steal, you cheat.
All is fair in love in war, right?
I think he fucked that up by saying he wanted to brag and he went, yeah, well, we'll get rid of it.
Trust me, we can take care of that fucking pipeline.
And all his advisors are going, what are you doing?
That's a secret, you fucking idiot.
Think about what you'd think about.
All right, let's get to the mailbag.
I got to go get my computer.
Mizale Bazi.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a debt.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Not very professional.
You don't see that on Tucker Carlson.
I'm running to get his McPuter.
Ryan, shut up.
Okay, thank you.
Do you have Nazi fags?
I do.
You want to hear it?
Yeah.
It's one of my favorite things.
Nazi fags.
Nazi fags.
Oh, it's beautiful, isn't it?
You went 100% on that full confidence and it came out like that.
What's up, dicker?
Arrgh!
you Can you really have a problem with Nazi fags?
The Nazi part, yes.
That's what screws up the.
Oh, I had a great idea.
I was going to talk about this tomorrow, but we start a racist website.
Okay.
Another one.
We name it Secia.tv.
No, and it's called, it has the black sun, and it says, Embrace the DNC.
Wow.
And it says, it's a call to arms to the stormfront people that says, look, guys, we have to stop rejecting the DNC.
If you look at our core values, they are more aligned with what we want than the Republicans.
The Republicans are, and then you say the N-word, but you say the real word, party.
And you go, look at just abortion alone.
Abortion has successfully culled America of, and then whatever it is, it's probably like 40 million Negroes.
Yeah, they probably say Negroes is better.
I bet they say Negroes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And this welfare has done fantastic at shattering the black family, which is what we wanted.
And now they have black on black crime, which is excellent.
We're getting up to 20 a day.
I mean, there's no way if we went out and killed Negroes, we could possibly kill 20 a day.
So the DNC has pulled that off.
And then you say the liberal Jew-run media has done an excellent job of hiding this.
So no one wants to do anything about it.
They're focused on white supremacists.
And we're not doing anything.
So that's also great.
Wouldn't that be cool?
A cool little gag.
We've got to have like some bed music that goes under you saying stuff like that so it can't be taken out of context.
We've already said that that's our fooling around music.
And then you go, then on this racist website, it says that it says, now a lot of us fellow Klansmen or whatever say, I guess I should do it in a southern accent so that it can't be taken out of context.
A lot of these Republicans, you think that they're on your side, dude, because you see all them fucking queers and these lesbians and these blue-haired women on the left.
You go, I don't want that, my fucking kids.
Dude, they're not going to be anywhere near your kids.
And the beauty of this gay marriage and these fucking getting their tubes tied and their tits cut off is you're ending that lineage.
You're ending that family line.
They're not going to reproduce.
So they are voluntarily ending their bloodlines.
Love it.
Let's do it.
Yeah, you only have to deal with blue hair for like one generation.
Right.
And then they're out of here.
That was terrible.
And then so then you go, you know that Nazis support you guys, right?
You're better for their cause than we are.
Yeah.
And you could just show that what's that website?
That's literally true.
It'd be fun.
And all of it's true.
The guy who shot Martin Luther King was a Democrat.
Wait, what if it worked?
Democrats were the party of the KKK.
What if we now lose elections due to the 14 extra votes they'll get?
That whoops.
This I put on Getter.
I'm literally in the dictionary under hate.
This is under the pinned, right?
Could be ancient Chinese.
I don't know.
Is this a pinned email?
Yes, Ryan, it is.
All right.
The first one I see is not that.
Could be ancient Chinese IDK.
Okay.
How do you not have that?
Could be.
My first one that I see is from 11 in the morning.
Could be one.
No, that doesn't make sense.
Okay.
And now found.
Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
So you can do this yourself.
Go to dictionary.com, look up hate, and look up examples.
And it says the Western Chauvinist group was created by Vice Magazine co-founder Gavin McGinnis, whose pugilistic style and penchant for causing offense has gotten him de-platformed by tech giants after the Proud Boys were designated a hate group.
And like they're quoting Ozzy, OZY?
Ozzy.
Who the fuck reads that?
Have you ever heard anyone mention OZY?
What is it?
Is it even still around?
Ozy is an American media and entertainment company.
It is headquartered in Mountain View, California.
What the fuck is it?
Has anyone checked in on Ozy?
I don't even know how to say it.
Is it Ozzy?
Is it Ozzy?
They got OZ TV.
Oh, it's like a black thing.
It's like a black Netflixy kind of a Daily Beast thing in a Jiggy.
So you had to go to a black media site to find examples of white hate.
Like a black Netflix.
Does it still have that gong with the N jumping towards you when you open up the app?
Boom.
Good one.
Thanks.
So Bros, the movie Bros, a rom-com about homosexuals.
See, gays are a lot like blacks in the sense that they think that they're 50% of the population.
And it's because of ads.
Now, I've got a flip phone, by the way.
I'm doing the transition.
I got one on the weekend, AT ⁇ T, prepaid.
It's $30 a month.
Last calls, I called you.
Let's see if it works, Ryan.
Hello, I'm doing the show right now.
I'm going to go back.
Oh, sorry.
I wasn't.
I, uh.
But here I am grabbing my iPhone because I want to send you these pictures that I saw.
I thought you were going to yell at me for being on my phone.
Get off your fucking phone.
But it's you.
Boop, boop.
So, gays think they're a massive part of the population, and so do blacks.
Fucking quiz!
And it's because of advertising.
You don't look up demographics, you just watch TV.
And so Bros is absolutely bombing.
Oh, they had a rimming scene where they were licking, in the sex scene, he was licking the other guy's asshole.
And for some reason, not everyone in America wants to watch that.
So they had to kill it.
The $30,000 butt rig.
What are they talking about?
Rave reviews.
The critics love it.
I think it cost $21 million to make.
I think it grossed like three.
So it will not be breaking even.
But Billy Eichner's beef is with you.
You are the one who is, you're the reason why it's not doing well.
It's because of homophobia.
He goes, the straights stayed home.
Yeah.
Also, didn't, what was the cowboy one that they always photoshopped me and Anthony on?
The Brothers Mountains.
Brokeback Mountain.
Brokeback Mountain.
That did really well, did it not?
I think it did.
So this is sort of like Charlie's Angels, where they go, oh, it didn't do well because you have a problem with women being superheroes.
And you're like, no, the first Charlie's Angels did really well.
Budget $14 million.
How much did it gross?
I mean, it definitely was gross.
$178 million worldwide.
Broke Back Mountain.
So it's a fucking joke.
Your movie's a joke.
It sucks, and it's gross.
And this one is eating the poo-poo all over the place.
By the way, they don't eat the poo-poo all over the place.
They get some poo-poo on them.
Right.
For the record.
Not all over the place.
I think I dreamt that joke, too.
It's not all over the place.
Anyway, that's funny that he's really mad.
There's other articles about there.
Okay, did you see the thing I sent you?
This is when I was getting this flip phone.
I'm looking around at the ads, and I counted 19 people in the ads, and one of them is a white male.
So if you were to walk into that AT ⁇ T from outer space, and the woman who served me was a black woman with these insane eyebrows she had drawn on with a Sharpie, you'd go, oh, okay, so America is, what, 5% white males?
Meanwhile, it's about 7% black males.
A lot of people blackmailing here.
And it's probably 30 to 40% white males.
So they flipped it.
They made it the inverse.
And it doesn't look weird.
You know why?
Because we're so used to it.
And you know why it exists?
It's not for black people or Hispanics or Asians.
Women buy cell phones and they feel guilty because we've been hammered as white people for 50 years, half a century, since Martin Luther King died, going, you suck, you suck, you suck, blacks are awesome, blacks are awesome, blacks are awesome.
Guys, it hasn't worked on us.
When I say guys, I don't just mean white males.
I mean Asian guys, Mexican guys.
When we're told we suck, we just, most of us go, yeah, fuck you.
No, that's not a thing.
But white women are more fragile.
And they go, okay, how can I fix it?
Well, we'll deluge you with pictures of visible minorities.
Okay, I'll buy whatever you're selling.
And that's been working.
Like, look at these.
So that's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight black people in two ads.
Oh, we've got one, two, three, four, five.
The white guy's hidden by me, ironically enough.
I think I'm hiding the only white guy.
Delete me.
Oh, no.
No, that's a different one.
Okay.
Asian dude, two broads.
Asian dude looks like something on a Star Trek, doesn't he?
Yeah, it is weird.
He kind of looks like an Asian Steve Perry.
With broken arms.
Or whatever.
There we go.
The one white guy is a hippie faggot.
Look at that intense Japanese guy.
His eyebrows look like punctuation.
This is phone.
This is a good phone.
And is there any more?
No.
No, so that's all the ads.
Damn.
About 1920 people, one white male.
All right, here's a biggie.
I'm sure you're familiar with Tales from the Hood horror anthology series.
No, I am not.
The third one has the most outrageous drama and caricature of what the left views right-wingers as I have ever seen.
I think you might find it hilarious.
It is the second story in the movie called The Bunker and starts around 29 minutes into the movie.
You think blackting is bad?
Just blackting, to be clear.
Just wait for black writing directing.
It is insane and unintentionally funny.
The short underlines the massive divide between the two political sides and how they view the imagined community of their perception or a right-wing racist.
I don't want to say more, as it has dharman levels of retardation.
Also, the whole movie might be worth watching as it deals with blacks behaving badly.
I can't say it wasn't entertaining.
I tried to find it on YouTube, but couldn't.
It is on Peacock.
Or I'm sure you van find it with your fancy box thing.
Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have brought that up.
I think I found it.
Illegally.
What do you have that's illegal?
I just search.
If you search free streaming 123, it'll usually come up.
So it's about 20 minutes in.
This motherfucker.
Is that Opie?
Hey, Brother Man.
Brother Man, Brother Man.
Literally.
Yeah.
I'm scared.
So is this Tales from the Crypt, but black?
Yeah, Tales from the Hood.
But it's not meant to be...
It's not a comedy at all.
It's like an over-the-top.
It's not supposed to be funny per se, but it's supposed to be like over the top.
Well, Tales from the Crypt is over the top, and funny, but also scary.
where's the racist That's a basketball.
Okay.
Dead body on it.
Wanna play, huh?
Let's play this.
Better get good, caller.
All right, I'm here.
All right, we're waiting.
This the framing of these shots are terrible.
This stacy rapper's brother isn't.
Hey, listen, man, why don't you stop playing fucking games?
Right on your mark.
We can't be afraid of you.
Why are you speaking like a man?
Stop being a little bitch.
Okay.
Okay.
I thought we have a civilized conversation.
You know, we come to some sort of Agreement, man.
Through the floor.
So, in your conversation with nobody, now you've gone to let's have a civilized conversation.
That's CGI.
Oh my god, that's terrible CGI.
The color of the basketball changed.
The CGI basketball is like gray.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
Where's the racist?
Peekaboo, Jigaboo.
pretty good I just realized how much you have to enunciate peekaboo if you're playing that game with some friends.
Well, there was that senator who called the black woman Boo and they said, oh, he's abbreviating Jigaboo.
Jesus.
Wouldn't that be Jig?
Alright, this sucks.
This sucks.
This sucks.
This is not true.
Oh!
So far, we've been threatened by a clown and a basketball.
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit.
Colored lights.
Oh, shit.
The hall is green.
That's my least favorite color.
I mean, green is the height.
This guy said this was racist.
Are you sure you got the right one?
Is this the bunker?
He said about 20 minutes in.
It is the second story in the movie called The Bunker.
So I think it's 29 minutes into the second.
Oh, into the second one?
Yeah, this one's just...
So that was just Black Dung.
It's the Candyman.
Wait, that looks like a bunker?
Come here, baby.
Oh, yeah.
That looks like a waste guy.
This is white.
You like that?
You like that?
You don't hear the service white master?
Oh, serve the white master, he says.
That's enough!
For me, take one, Nanicia Washington!
White power?
Swing your head?
Okay, great.
There's cameras in my house?
Oh, listen to your necessary monkey poop.
Monkey poop.
Monkey poop, monkey poop.
Coming soon, monkey poop.
Coming soon, the monkey poo.
So what if there is a guy that's like racist and banging a dollar?
Leave him alone.
He's shot.
If there's racists out there that are in a cement bunker, fucking brown plastic dolls, it's not high on my priority list.
Are you saying bad words, though?
Okay.
Don't worry, I'll save some white sleepy y'all.
Save come.
Take your little armor, I'm gonna let you chop this stick.
An ass armor?
I'm gonna run a jihad on that janky ass, and for you, Jesus killer, Gonna break that hymen, hymn.
Right now, I'm the mayonnaise.
On him, get him.
Wait, is this hero gonna like go down and shoot him to protect these dolls?
I hope.
Sorry, buddy, that's murder.
But he was...
And what you did was murder.
I'm sorry.
Oh, this is what I guessed.
Anyway.
What a detour.
All right.
From now on.
I didn't mean to do that.
From now on, when we get an email that says go check out a movie, we will check it out first and save you 900 hours of time.
All right, let's get to the final video.
All right.
Now, I had to watch this a couple of times.
And unfortunately, I think it's TikTok, so you can't pause it.
But I'm trying to figure out what exactly he does when he throws the bottle.
How does he make the guy look down?
It's really good the way he throws it.
I'm giving it away.
But this is fucking hilarious.
And I love seeing magic where the magic is explained in the trick.
Yeah?
You need to tell me when the bottle disappears.
Bottle.
Can you see it still?
I can see it.
What about now?
I can see it.
Okay.
No?
I can see it.
I can't see it.
You can't see it.
So it's disappeared?
Well, no, it's still there.
But it could have disappeared because you can't see it right now.
No, but I know it's.
It hasn't disappeared.
We know that.
I told you it didn't.
It could have disappeared.
The result of the screening.
No.
So it could have disappeared.
I mean, it hasn't, but it could have disappeared, right?
We're in the same agreement, though.
Okay.
We are, right?
Right, let's agree to disagree.
Okay.
So, okay, so it could have disappeared.
You'd agree with me?
I'm not.
Okay, I'll agree for you.
So it could have disappeared?
Okay.
Alright.
But has it?
No.
It may have done, though.
Disappeared.
What?
What?
That's not the same bottle.
It is.
It was marked with head.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, so.
Even if it was a different bottle, who the fuck?
Yeah, who cares?
Why is the bottle being there the freaky part?
The freaky part is that you made it disappear.
Oh, good.
The bottle's still safe.
Do you suspect any shenanigans there or no?
What?
Do you suspect shenanigans?
I'm sorry?
Suspect shenanigans?
Great band name, by the way, they're playing at the Mercury.
Oh, like he's faking?
Yeah.
Never.
Just because that brand new hat.
Wait.
That convenient brand new hat.
And the acting is a little...
I can see it.
It's good acting, but that hat.
And so, wait, they're friends, or like this is a random guy?
This is shenanigans.
Who wears a blank hat like that, brand new, with that brim?
I could have disappeared.
Does he have that in any of his...
Where's his hat?
Maybe he's And they said, You can't wear that hat.
We can't show this because we can't have logos.
It was like a Nike hat.
So they gave him some studio hat.
But why would him having a new hat mean it's not a real magic?
Because he does wear brand new hats a lot.
Yeah, that was such a we need to the Detective Shitty bumper.
Oh, fuck.
There you go.
I should have fied that too.
All right, let's do it.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, won't never stop this fighting.
I don't wanna wait till you leave to say what I really mean.
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