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Aug. 2, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:39:05
S4E150 - CRYING IN COURT
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Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness Cause my news makes me happier and makes my life easier I'm so sick of myself No need a fucking bunch of money I don't need God I
will go my way I've never friend to walk alone My lord just holds never know I can feel it in my bones This my life fuck them all Even if I'm in nowhere Even if I that was Yashi 2.0 Walk alone this my life and fuck them all I Don't know anything
about that fucking weirdo.
What was that?
Oh shit.
I forgot to bring the New York Post and I forgot my computer a lot of forgetting here But let's just get right into it.
We're supposed to be celebrating that we got Ayman Alzawahari Look any terrorist any dead terrorist is a good terrorist to me And I hate to poo-poo the current administration They already have they already eat the poo-poo but what was it 20 years you've been waiting to kill this guy?
He did 9-11?
Okay, you pushed a button.
Could you have pushed a button a little earlier, perchance?
Sorry.
So that's all over the front pages, but we don't care about that, per se.
That guy's dead.
It was kind of a cool missile we sent at him.
It was like a spinning, looked like a car engine with these blades that just chop him up.
I mean, we get this with every administration, right?
Osama had bin Laden.
That was a good one.
And then Trump had that other guy, Bagashaghi, whatever, where we identified him by his ring.
El Baghdadi.
That was great.
Okay.
I don't know.
If you could do this with a video game, couldn't we just get them all at once?
Actually, why don't we just take the entire Middle East and sink it into the sea?
We'll leave Israel.
We'll leave any Christian countries we can find.
We'll have some oil thingamedoodles.
But that place is just.
It's fucking Losersville.
I was just on crazy shit.com watching people fight with machetes and stuff.
And I'm looking at these third world countries and I'm like, I don't care.
I mean, if I see a trucker with a machete in Illinois or Indiana fighting with a guy, I go, oh no, what's happening to this country?
We got plenty of that shit going on here.
But when it's in a third world country, you're like, I don't know.
Do they even have a hospital?
I don't give a damn.
I really don't give a damn.
This is what I give a damn about.
Go to 15.
This is what's going on in our community here in the Bronx.
This is about a seven-minute walk from the studio.
So they're trying to arrest a perp, and the entire community is trying to prevent it.
So then they throw a guy down.
And then he's got to get arrested.
You know, it's funny I was just making fun of the third world.
This is...
What country?
This is like Guatemala.
This is Colombia.
Look at this.
Squaring off with cops.
So then you got to arrest that guy.
Your numbers are dwindling here as you need to arrest more and more.
And there's zero fear.
They're just walking by them, yelling.
And then they're throwing glass bottles.
I forget what that's called in the local slang.
The tweet says it.
It's like throwing bombs, yo.
Airmail.
Airmail.
Sending airmail.
There we go.
We need the National Guard at this point.
Right?
We don't have enough cops to deal with that shit.
If we did, I would have Ethan Klein arrested for stealing his designs.
Did you see this going on, Ryan?
I did.
Heavy news.
So Ethan Klein has a clothing label called Teddy some shit.
Teddy Fresh.
Have you ever worn any Teddy Fresh?
Hell no.
And he's this fucking guy.
It's like 80s cutesy stuff.
But I think he just went to a second-hand clothing store and just bought, copied everything.
There's an Etsy pattern they copied.
I mean, if you zoom in here, this isn't similar to, this isn't inspired by.
This is the only one where there's any kind of controversy.
You know what I mean?
I'm open to discussing this.
They did rotate the image of the bear.
No, I'm not kidding.
I think in court, this wouldn't stand up with that bear.
The other ones, they have a good point.
But I think that bear, they could argue it was collage and it was a reinterpretation.
It's just a reinterpretation.
Right, difficult reinterpretation.
My clients trying to make clothes for pedophiles.
And this country's trying to squeeze them out of the business.
Also in the stupid news, mom life.
I sent this to you as a separate file.
This was fun to watch.
I got wasted after yesterday's show because my daughter's music teacher came by and I forgot she wasn't in town.
And when the con le chati les surie dans, so when the cat's away, they might as well play.
So I just started fucking pounding him right after work.
Got home, hung out with him.
He took the microcord equipment he'd loaned us.
Passed out at 6.30 p.m.
And then woke up at 11.30 p.m., ready to face the day.
Isn't that the worst?
I gave myself jet lag.
And then it was just lying in bed, looking at the phone, not getting out of bed really, until 11 or 9.47 a.m. this morning.
Pathetic.
Absolutely pathetic.
And you go, I could take a sleeping pill, or I could get up and watch a movie, but you kind of don't want to do that because you want to punish yourself for fucking up.
You got to pay the Piper.
You know?
Like, I remember I was in Vegas once after WestFest, and I was so hungover, it made AIDS look like a day in the park.
And I saw there was all these things.
It was pretty cheap.
I think it was like 50 bucks for a IV drip.
And you're back.
And I think you get oxygen too.
It's like a super hangover cure tank.
And I was like, no, I didn't go.
Because I have to pay the Piper.
You're disciplining yourself.
You're grounding yourself.
I was grounded last night.
Anyway, while I'm grounded, I saw this funny meme of this chick, Mom Life Comics.
Okay, this is her reaction to this backlash she got when she criticized her husband.
And the thing I love about this drawing is she clearly can't draw.
She's a graphic designer, which is just pulling in other people's drawings and putting a couple letters on them.
And the picture at the bottom is likely a tracing.
But the other pictures are how she draws when she's left on her own.
And no one took this angle, but it's kind of my angle.
I fucking hate cartoonists who can't draw.
Choose another medium.
Anyway, you're seeing the end at the beginning here.
But if you scroll down, I think we've got her stuff here.
So here, let's see the comic.
Things children are sure to ruin.
The reason I like this is because it shows you how fucking spoiled the average American woman is.
And how you give them a sweet gig like housewife and they're still complaining.
Children ruin vacations?
Fuck you.
They ruin white couches.
What kind of idiot has an expensive white couch when they have kids?
Anything about which you say this will be fun?
Well, they're negative at first.
They're big on no at the beginning because genetically they need to stay alive.
So the same way they're picky with food and they only eat white bread because they don't want to eat some poison that their bodies can't handle, they're always like, no, I don't want to try that.
Then they try it and they love it.
Their parents' bodies, oh, your back sore, poor thing.
Good night's sleep.
She keeps bitching about this.
Let's look at another one, though.
Keep going.
Yeah, my husband napping on the couch.
Me trying to relax for just one freaking minute on the couch.
Like these two adorable children are always all over her because they worship the ground she walks on.
You're welcome.
And by the way, she just takes a picture of her husband on the couch or her with the kids and then traces it on her tablet and then writes on it.
This is a weird one.
Appearance-based injustices of motherhood.
My child has beautiful, rich eyelashes.
I don't.
My child has natural color and textured hair.
I've got scraggly hair.
My daughter has smooth skin.
I got wrinkles.
Yeah, you're old.
She's in her late 40s, I believe.
And she's noticed that her children are more youthful than her.
Her husband, a lot of stuff about her being the preferred parent.
So her husband gets to sit around and look at his phone and check his, and have a coffee while she, it takes her forever to get to her coffee.
Keep going?
To the right?
Look, wouldn't it be horrible if your little kid wants to play with you while you go pee?
What a nightmare.
Her husband gets to do push-ups, whereas the kids jump on her.
What a nightmare.
You're the favorite parent.
The kids love you more.
You're constantly getting hugged and loved.
I'm sorry.
Okay, so this is the biggie.
This is really what started it all.
Bringing groceries from the car.
My husband, me.
I don't believe you.
I don't believe you at all.
It's not a thing husbands do.
No, guys like to carry the most things.
It's a challenge.
You try to carry things till the bags start to tear.
You want to open the door with your foot?
Yeah.
I got it.
And then you open the door.
It makes my dad furious.
He's like, it's a lazy man's burden.
Keep going.
Oops.
I clicked today.
So prep going on a family trip.
Mom, all of this shit.
Dad helps load the car.
Has to go poop.
She's always talking about him pooping.
She hates that he poops.
I hate the word poop.
It's called shit, you stupid bitch.
And this is the part that, this is the reason I'm bringing this up.
Yes, you've got to deal with a lot of minutiae, a lot of around the cave, small stuff.
The dad's responsibility is to keep a roof over your head, make sure everyone has health care, make sure everyone has school, make sure everyone is well fed, and you have to make sure everyone's safe.
You're the boss.
If someone breaks into the house, you've got to run and tackle him.
So it's your responsibility.
The reason that you have all those silly things on that list is because you don't have to worry about the big things.
Like, is the house sinking?
Is there a leak in the foundation?
Do we have good air ventilation in this house?
Is it healthy for the kids?
Is this a good place to live in the long term?
Are our investments panning out?
Will we have enough to retire?
You don't have to worry about any of that shit.
Yes, you've got to pack some socks.
How do you not get that, you silly cunt.
Maybe this dad does like he only helps load the car, doesn't entirely load the car.
Well, I'm getting to his defense shortly.
Keep going?
Or maybe scroll down?
Yeah, okay.
Oh, life must be hell.
This is Larry David level.
Yeah.
Will you grab a bib for me today?
Where are the bibs?
They're in the same place they've always fucking been, you asshole.
But I don't say that.
I just tell him they're in the corner where they've always been.
Sorry, he's not totally attentive about the bibs.
So this goes on and on and on.
Just as this person says, seething with resentment.
Lots of stuff about the bathroom, not changing the toilet paper.
And then people start going, who is this guy?
He sounds like a real dick.
Look, when I see a peach, I go, oh, look, the last ripe peach.
I'll save it for the kids.
They love peaches so much.
Oh, look, the last ripe peach.
I'll use it as a special treat in my daily smoothie.
He gets smoothies every day.
Men eat peaches.
Okay, check this out.
So she publishes a statement because she starts getting backlashed.
People go, your husband's allowed to eat a peach.
Before I get any further into my own experience with this frustrating subject, I should say that this post is not a critique of Ben at all.
Oh.
Ben is an amazing father and husband.
He carries quite a mental load himself and does a lot around our house.
Oh, he does.
He cooks all of our dinners.
Pardon et moi.
What?
This deadbeat loser does all the cooking?
He does almost all of our grocery shopping.
He pays all our bills and maintains our yard.
He does his own laundry.
It gets better.
Three nights a week, he comes home from work and immediately handles all evening duties while I head out to teach yoga.
Teach yoga.
Shut up.
Can we just drop yoga?
It's not a thing.
It's just stretching.
Of course, I go on to say a lot about what Ben doesn't do around the house, but the point I was trying to make in this post is that it's not Ben's fault that our society, and then in gay brackets, a patriarchy, has taught him that all the extra things I handle around the house are just the things that women do,
and thus he doesn't have to worry about them.
Should he worry about more than having...
He's got two jobs, by the way.
He's a lawyer, and then he has some side hustle, some fitness thing that he runs.
So he has two jobs.
He does all the cooking, all the grocery shopping, and you're like, yeah, but the patriarchy doesn't respect the fact that I work hard too.
Yeah, I don't.
Am I the patriarchy?
Can you milk me?
We just recently did a move, and the roles were perfect.
She packs stuff.
I pack stuff.
I move all the stuff.
I'm talking like a box.
How did you move your bed and your couch and stuff?
That we had help with Hollowed and my cousin.
All the big stuff, like the couch, some furniture, and then that's it.
And then some boxes too.
Then the rest was just she packs, I carry, up the stairs, down the stairs, in the elevator, pack it in the car, drive it back and forth.
And then she unpacks.
It's very good.
But I had like things hanging on my arm.
It was awesome.
Did you rent a U-Haul for the big twice, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How much did it end up costing you?
I think $60 a trip because it was such a short time.
It was pretty good.
Did you get parking yet?
Kind of, yes.
Kind of.
Yeah.
We're not paying for what they gave us, but I'll explain that later.
Okay.
In the segment where I go over mundane crap.
So it's fun seeing people ratio this spoiled bitch.
That's after the thing.
Yeah, what's that one?
No, you're missing a whole bunch before that.
What are you doing?
Look under She's Getting Mad Ratioed.
It follows the big huge printout here.
Mad ratioed, got it.
Okay.
Well then let's put it up on the old screen, please.
Hold on, mommy's making a comic about how hard parenting is.
Like, she can't even draw a face.
Eat the peach has become a whole meme.
All these monsters eating a peach.
I think Eat the Peach has become a sort of a saying.
I've seen more than one of this, of these hideous monsters eating the peach.
And then there's him fucking a peach.
They're really easy to edit, though.
You got to give her credit.
Yeah, that's why they're almost open source.
About her being so terrible at drawing.
And what's the last one?
Whatever guy?
Well, the second last one.
Oh, yeah.
The meme in a meme.
This poor bastard.
Cooking three.
If you cook three nights a week.
Wait, if you cook every meal, you should get the most depraved sex imaginable whenever you want, 24 hours a day.
Full lingerie, five-inch stilettos, zero holds barred, whatever you want.
Maybe even the odd threesome.
Yeah, that would be three meals a day plus a baby meal.
And he's a fucking lawyer.
Yeah.
This is one of those times when you look at other cultures and you go, ugh, maybe they're not so bad after all.
Look at the last video.
I always try to make his penis hard, not his life.
Make his dick hard, not his life.
So he will make your pussy wet, not your eyes.
Wow.
Sold.
Fucking poetry.
All right.
Let's start the show.
Shall, and we will.
Come on, Truck.
Come out.
Beautiful, beautiful bird.
I think I finally mastered to start the show.
You nailed the shit out of it.
Finally, and you blow it.
Yep.
This is some hot goss.
So there's a veteran bill Called the Pact Act.
And we all know John Schlipowitz, whatever his real fucking name is, not the Scottish name he chooses, Jon Stewart.
He got involved in the fire department and the cops getting whatchamacall from the asbestos, getting cancer.
And he wanted them to get some sort of benefits.
And he harped on it on his show, and it took off, and he did change the law, which is bad.
You know why?
Because we want those cops to die.
No, just kidding.
It's bad because it went to his head.
He's always been a rich Manhattan kid.
Not unlike Kid Rock in Ann Arbor or wherever the fuck he was.
We'll get to him in a second.
But he's always been a rich kid.
And in New York City, it's very classist.
It's sort of like Britain, where the working class people of this city have a different accent, different culture, different everything.
And just like in Britain, where the middle class wish they could hang out with Tommy Robinson, and then he rejects them, so they devote their lives to hating him, like hope, not hate.
The middle class New Yorkers, if they can ever get a leg in, I mean, I'm almost guilty of this too with my Knights of Columbus meetings.
If they can get in with the working class, they go, yay!
So it all went to Stewart's head, and now he's like a war vet.
And he wears his t-shirts and his little hat that's all bent and broken in.
The guy's a multi-millionaire.
He's way richer than his rich dad now.
But as far as his look goes, he's gone way more working class.
So he's got the fucking stubble and the hat and the t-shirt.
So he's supporting the PACT Act because it's giving money to guys that had respiratory problems, vets, from these toxic burn pits.
Sounds good, right?
And that's his milieu.
His area of expertise, he tried multicultural news, didn't work out.
But his area of expertise is working-class people's lungs.
Strange thing to focus on, but that's his thing.
And Raheem Kassan and Jack Poseubic showed up to this thing to say, we're against it.
They're against it because at the 11th hour, the Dems injected $400 billion of fat that have nothing to do with vets.
So that's still pro-vet to oppose because you're against people using vet bills to sneak in money for yourself.
Jon Stewart doesn't quite get this, right?
So he approaches Rahim and Jack and goes ballistic.
Now these might be out of order, but he calls them trolls.
Does he even understand what the fuck is going on?
I serve.
I don't serve.
Take the phone, candidate.
Candidate fucking is not a game fucking the job.
I don't give a fuck.
I serve.
So his beef, Jon Stewart's beef is, if we kill this bill, the vets don't get their money.
So, I mean, is that what we do now?
We give vets money and let the Dems extort us with hundreds of billions of dollars?
No.
I'm not settling for that.
I want the vets who had the lung problems from the toxic burns to get their money, and I don't want anyone else getting money because of it.
Go, there's that whole thread there.
There's a bunch.
19.
Maybe go up.
Baby, go up.
Oh, yeah, we got it.
No, not that one.
Not that one.
That's the last one.
Okay.
Never thought I'd be the voice of reason.
There we go.
Over the line.
No, no, no.
These people have suffered for 15 years.
Look at them in the face.
Look at them in the face.
You're a child.
You're not in good face.
I'm for the bill.
You're not in good face.
So what's the problem?
You're not in good faith.
But John, why is John?
I'm not even against you guys.
What are you telling me to do?
Why are you doing this?
I like the guy with the cool robo leg.
What you want to do is put me the pack.
We actually went there.
He said no.
He does not want to meet the package.
Let's do it.
Let's fuck the house.
So, 2-0.
Eventually, Jack got through to him and said, look, dude, I don't know what troll means.
I want these guys to get their money.
I just don't want it to become part of a giant ripoff.
And Jon Stewart goes, oh, okay.
This is Jack Pisovic.
I'm here with Tim Jensen of Grundstyle.
And...
Hello.
Jon Stewart is also here.
Jon Stewart and I have decided to come to agreement.
Have we not, John?
Yes, sir.
I lost my temper a little bit.
I felt like I was being trolled.
And I realized that the important thing is, just got to get this done for these guys and get them over the finish line to get the health care they need.
We're at 98%.
Let's get it over the last 2%, please.
Is that fair?
Sure.
Shake on it.
Several fly, brother.
Do it.
I don't mean to ruin this whole thing for Pozo, but I was submitted his pants.
Uh-oh.
We have an issue here, guys.
I sent this to you separately, and it's maybe even worse than Jon Stewart's pathetic career.
Oh, no.
I see it.
All right.
I'm not saying not safe for work, but if you're a Pozo fan, Losiento.
This could be the end of his career.
That's bad.
Zoom in on that.
Of course.
This could ruin him.
What the fuck are you doing?
A suit with baggy cargo pants?
What are you wearing air walks to?
That is...
I've never even seen that before.
Never.
Usually you see something and you go, oh, I'm so sick of Crocs and pajamas.
Or, you know, I've even seen a suit with flip-flops.
That hurts me in New York City.
You see that, especially with the gays and the CEOs.
But, like, even Jon Stewart's LARPA blue collar pants are better.
Yeah, they should trade bottoms.
Those are baggy fat guy cargoes.
BFCs.
BFCGs, excuse me.
Shut up.
This is bad, too.
Charlie Kirk with his Adidas zooms around.
Oh, No.
And in a suit.
On a book cover?
That's correct.
Wow.
That's probably a great book, too.
And Slinky Socks.
What are slinky socks?
When your socks slink down.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
That was rough.
Nancy Pelosi has decided to call China's Bluff and head to Taiwan.
There's a lot of talk of some shit going down tonight.
They said don't go there.
They actually said, go to 2-2.
They actually said, if you go visit Taiwan, bitch, you're going to die, and you religious people can pray for us.
Scroll down.
A lot of, what do they call it?
Saber welding?
Saber waving.
Rattling.
What?
Saber rattling.
Yeah.
They're on the beaches there.
We're going to shoot you, Taiwan.
I wonder if people take boats and go to Taiwan as refugees the way they do in Cuba with America.
I wonder if China sees Pelosi and they're about to fire and they're like, whoa, she got the big fucking tits.
What if they shoot at Taiwan and she just pulls out her tits and absorbs all the blows?
Yeah.
And we see her the next day and there's zero damage to Taiwan, but her tits are black and blue.
I would just go.
There's not one skin color part of them.
For each tit.
Yeah, I still wouldn't respect Nancy Pelosi, but when her tits walked by, I would salute.
Yeah.
And they'd put little metals on them.
You would do this.
You'd throw her the finger and then salute the tits.
Look at their grammar, though.
Go back to the Daily Mail thing.
I think they're making fun of us for believing in God because communists don't believe in anything.
So scroll down to the tweet.
Yeah, a bunch of stuff.
Bunch of threats.
Stuff to do.
Bunch of stuff.
Chinese asshole.
Bunch of tits.
Bunch of people ready to blow up.
It's almost like Gateway Pundit, but things that are related to the artist.
Underground tunnels to hide in if there's a bombing.
Why can't she go to Taiwan?
She's not recognizing them as a separate country.
Can we just go on a trip?
Some towel head.
Okay, here it is.
Let her go to Taiwan, but pray before departure.
Wish herself a safe journey and wish herself not be defined by history as a sinner who starts a spiral of escalation process, expanding military frictions to large-scale war in Taiwan straight.
Can they get someone who speaks English to run their China state affiliated media?
Wish herself a safe journey?
What are you?
Writing letters to fucking get off my lawn?
And then 2-3, it's costing us $90 million to send that bitch there.
Also going on right now in the serious news, we've got Alex Jones on trial for daring to deny Sandy Hook.
I didn't know that was illegal.
And I've been watching some of it, and I haven't watched a trial in a really long time.
Man, they're boring.
Sometimes I think the lawyers are trying to bore you to death, so you just give in and go, yeah, whatever, I did it.
That happened to Anthony Kume with his divorce.
He's just like, you know what?
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Give her a million dollars.
I can't take this anymore.
Good audio.
That was, I don't remember any of them.
Yeah, where's that mic being sent to?
Some other problem.
And there's a lot of exploiting the dead children and saying, so you were dubious that they would invite the parents in to look at all the dead bodies and they went by pictures.
There's bodies like there's kids shot in the face.
Should the parents look at all that?
Okay, I was wrong.
Why am I in a courtroom?
So you like dead children?
You want children to die?
You think they should be piloted?
No, I never said that.
They had Owen Troyer.
They had Daria up there.
They got Alex Jones.
See if you can find Alex Jones.
And it's just like, it never seems on the nose.
You know what I mean?
On, what's the word?
On subject?
We have on?
On point?
What is she got under penalty part of?
No, no, Alex.
You have to look at a whole other video.
He'll be in the thumbnail.
But it's...
Like, I want courts to be incredibly efficient.
What was the crime?
Who do you think did it?
What is the evidence?
I don't know what the crime is here.
It's like with the meandering.
Seditious conspiracy?
What you were coming to kill people?
Actually, let's do that.
Let's jump over to the meandering.
Fuck watching Alex Jones.
I'm going to get him on the show this week, I think.
Maybe he'll be on the Friday show.
And we'll hear it from his gorgeous lips.
His beast-tongue lips.
Oh, they became incredibly violent.
I'm now came face to face with these terrors.
Okay.
That last guy got four years.
So this dude just got seven years for storming the Capitol despite having not stormed the Capitol.
A judge done to the prosecutor's request for terrorism sentencing enhancement for a guy who was carrying a gun with him when he charged towards the U.S. Capitol.
Oh, okay.
So he allegedly wanted to go into the Capitol.
Pretty bad, huh?
Seven years.
Turn it up.
An MSNBC.
Most months ago, seven and a quarter years.
Now, that's on the lower range of what the judge ruled the guidelines suggested were appropriate in this case.
And the prosecution was asking for much more, as high as 15 years in prison.
They lost on a couple of legal issues, most importantly, their effort to seek a terrorism enhancement to label this case domestic terrorism.
The judge declined to do that.
This sentence followed a roller coaster day of legal arguments, which culminated in Guy Reffitt himself speaking before the judge and sort of making a last-minute plea that he was remorseful and apologetic after months of saying the opposite and essentially arguing from jail that he was a martyr and fundraising.
And he even suggested that some of his rhetoric was really about raising money for his family.
The judge made it pretty clear she didn't buy it, that she thought he was just telling her what she wanted to hear.
But at the end of the day, she sentenced him to a hefty prison sentence, the longest of any of the January 6th defendants, the previous long-term care.
Wouldn't you love to see this guy in a similar situation?
That guy in jail being offered pleas and sitting, rotting in solitary confinement.
But that's another thing that bothers me about American justice.
All this talk of remorse.
He didn't see remorseful.
We have him on a jail call saying, fuck these guys.
I don't care.
What was the crime?
What is the evidence?
Why do you think it's that guy?
That's it.
You could almost do 90% of it on a computer.
Like, I don't, the whole crying thing.
I don't care if you walk into the courtroom like this and tell the victims to fuck off, or you walk in the courtroom bawling your eyes out and say, what have I done?
And that's often the difference between 15 years and one year.
You got to allow for good actors.
And when I say good actors, I mean literally mean good at acting who are going to fake cry.
So his daughter's obviously distraught.
They're not going to see their father from, I guess maybe he can get out in five.
You know, I think the problem was he had a gun.
And you're not allowed to have a gun.
But remember the rumor, one of the big reasons I said, the main reason I said, don't go, proud boys, is I heard they're going to be allowing concealed carry permits for the first time on the Capitol in D.C. And I said, if they're allowing guns, then they're going to allow liberal guns and not and criminal guns and not you.
So you're going to get shot.
They're actually sort of hoping a militia will kill you all.
So don't go.
It's not pro-gun.
If you hear D.C. sounding pro-gun, it's not.
It's pro-guns against you.
And then this guy shows up with a gun.
So that's kind of confusing.
Was my intel wrong?
But listen to his daughters.
Poor things.
To Mark, my dad, is this horrible person.
And then having him prosecuted like this when somebody is maybe even able to get elected again doesn't seem right to me.
Trump deserves life in prison if my father's in prison for this long.
To Mark, my dad is this horrible person.
Those are major years, too.
Those girls look like they're in their late teens, early 20s.
27, they'll probably be married.
They'll already have kids.
He will have missed their weddings, everything.
Because he was at a rally.
Of course, Colbert's guys will be just fine.
They, I believe, invaded the Capitol.
So this guy went near the Capitol, seven years in prison.
Colbert's people go break into the Capitol.
Sorry, they enter the Capitol illegally twice.
No one is more critical of Capitol Police than I am, so this is a stunning honest account of Colbert's unpunished insurrectionists.
Contrary to previous reports, they unlawfully entered three Capitol buildings, harassed, threatened GOP lawmakers, and you got to click on the fucking Capitol Police while terrifying one Demhouse staffer.
Nine of them, remember?
And we predicted this.
We said there is no way they will be prosecuted for this.
Not so much as a fucking fine.
Because American justice today and American law enforcement is not about justice.
It's about propaganda.
It's about pushing the left's agenda.
And they're doing a great job, which is why they're going to be wiped out in the midterms.
That I guarantee you.
And then this clip, I meant to get to this last week, but he's doing a speech after the meandering.
And you get to see who he is.
Can you imagine Biden doing something like this?
That absolutely brain-dead fool having any kind of say in what he says and how it comes out.
Addressing the heinous attack yesterday.
And to those who broke the law, you will pay.
You do not represent our movement.
You do not represent our country.
And if you broke the law...
You can't say that.
I already said you will pay.
The demonstrators who infiltrated the capital have defied the seat of Dutch city.
It's defiled, right?
See, I can't see it very well.
Okay, I'll do this.
I'm going to do this.
Let's go.
But this election is now over.
Congress has certified the results.
I don't want to say the election is over.
I just want to say Congress has certified the results without saying the election's over, okay?
Okay.
But Congress is over.
Now Congress.
Yeah, but I didn't say over.
So let me say, don't go to the paragraph before.
I hate that his daughter's there.
Okay?
I would like to begin by addressing the heinous attack yesterday.
Yesterday is a hard word for me.
Take that?
The heinous attack?
Ah, good.
Take the word yesterday, because it doesn't work with.
The heinous attack on our country.
Say on our country.
Want to say that?
No.
My only goal was to ensure the integrity of the vote.
My only goal was to ensure the integrity of the vote.
That's awesome.
What a likable dude.
Well, we've discovered the origin of this national divorce, and you're going to be pretty shocked when you see whose fault it is in today's green screen séglement.
Come on, everybody.
You ready to cringe?
I've got some goose pimps for your goose prostitutes.
So this is from 2012.
Obama's big.
Romney's running against him.
And America's coming apart.
I got to hand it to Kid Rock, who produced this.
It's a nice concept.
We should come together.
And in a way, he predicted the national divorce.
But whoever wrote this is gay.
Get a writer, dude.
Come on.
Did you know Kid Rock was a rich kid?
I said I would.
And then he turned to him and I said, by the way, in fact, I'm willing to do those things.
Would you come here and perform a concert tonight for my friends?
Female bartenders do not watch political speeches, as a general rule.
That wouldn't have been on in the bar.
B, what kind of bar is that?
It's 90% wine.
C, what is with Sean Penn's hair?
The TV's so crisp.
Meanwhile, everything's out of focus.
Oh, yeah.
They could have fixed that.
Yeah, they could have played Mitt Romney.
Like, they could have recorded this segment and just had it play on the actual TV.
Or just Gaussian blur.
He said he would.
So I...
Gaussian blur.
It's named after the mathematician Gauss.
Dr. Rocks.
Look at his fucking hair.
He looks like a 12th century pauper.
Do you mind changing the channel?
Neanderthal.
Everywhere I go.
Stop.
Neanderthal is not an adjective, Sean.
Do you mind changing the channel?
It's a little Neanderthal.
Can I just rewrite this as we go along?
I won't, but...
Do you mind changing the channel?
This guy's a Neanderthal.
And it's Neanderthal.
So, Kid Rock, stop.
Kid Rock is in the bar.
And I guess he asked them to turn it on because he wants to see himself, which is kind of weird, but okay.
Did John Penn not notice that Kid Rock's entourage is at the bar, like four feet away from him?
Oh, no.
Kid Rock.
He is dressed pretty badly.
Do Liberals hate Kid Rock?
I don't even know.
Especially back then.
I don't think they mind it.
Oh, so bad.
It's funny because that's what I'm doing when I watch this little movie.
So she changes it to Ellen, which must piss off this guy.
So wait a minute, stop.
This guy's here.
His entourage, look at one of his guys in his entourage has homeless HR dreads from Bad Brains.
So you were watching yourself on TV.
Someone switches it to Ellen and you don't mind?
And then you keep on singing?
Is it because your eyes are closed?
You didn't notice that the music's not playing anymore?
And aren't the rest of his buddies going like, dude, Sean Penn just changed your live show to Ellen.
That's picking a fight.
And Ellen is usually on early afternoon.
Yeah, I guess they're day drinkers in the basement of a shitty hotel.
Okay, he's noticed.
Oh my God.
Look at these girls.
Look at the babysitters.
Great acting.
All the extras are so weird here.
They obviously don't know each other.
You know what you should do, guys?
If you're going to do a segment like this, have the extras like have some beers together first before the shot.
So there's at least some kind of rapport.
This looks like the waiting room of a dentist's office that does free homeless work.
Uh-oh, I fucked up.
I didn't notice Kid Rock at the bar when I walked up there.
Hope and change, huh?
Four years later, and working folks are just hoping to have a little change left over after your boy here, O Bummer, gets done taxing them to death and redistributing the wealth.
Well, there's that, but there's also the culture shit he did where he told everyone we're racist and race, race, race, and brought race back after it had been over for 30, 40 years, 40, 40, 45, yes?
Girls who said, tell a lie a thousand times, it becomes the truth.
I don't know about that, but it was Ricky Bobby who said, if he ain't first, you're last.
Wait, wait, stop.
Why is he fake crying?
Obviously, someone who quotes Ricky Bobby from a comedy, he gets that it's a comedy.
Why are you crying?
Chelf or Halliburton just printed on the back of your pastup.
Do you even work anymore?
Do you have a job?
Or does this Occupy Malbu thing keep you busy?
Is that from the Old Testament or from your rewrite?
I can't hear shit, Ryan.
Is that from the Old Testament or from your rewrite?
I can't hear you either.
Keep you busy.
Is that from the Old Testament or from your rewrite?
Okay, so did you hear that?
Is that in the Old Testament or is that in your rewrite?
So now Christians are in shit for having a New Testament?
I've never heard that insult before.
That's a new one.
You know what?
Fucking suck it, Cami.
It's a good one.
By the way, stop.
Sean Penn was friends with Hugo Chavez in Venezuela, which people always call the socialist country.
Seems pretty fucking communist to me.
Oops.
Commie.
Get ready to pause.
Seal clubbing.
Isn't that like the oktayuks up in Nunavut?
Who?
Seal clubbing?
We're getting back to the baby seals issue, which, by the way, disproportionately affects First Nations, as they call them up there.
So that's a weird one.
Flag waving, oil whoring, Chick-fil-A.
Stop.
Oil whoring.
I don't know what the fuck that.
I guess you're a bitch to the oil industry, which I am, yes.
And then it's bad that you eat at Chick-fil-A.
Why?
Because they don't have rainbow flags.
If you're not 100% with them, you're 100% against them.
You can't even eat chicken that isn't 100% with them.
Waterboarding.
NASCAR 11.
Cayman Island bank account having endangered species hunting war months.
Hungering, redneck, toothless, Wall Street.
Who calls people with teeth toothless?
Meanwhile, he grew up a millionaire's son.
Yeah, I guess not.
That's because you're basically a tofu munching, welfare-loving, Prius-driving, Obama-sucking, tree-hugging, whale-saving, gay marriage fantasy, big guns.
None of these sound that bad.
Tofu munching?
Go ahead, eat it up.
Whale saving?
I guess.
Go back a little bit.
Neither of these side insults sound terrible.
Troglodyte.
Yeah, I guess not.
That's because you're basically a tofu munching, welfare-loving, driving, Obama-sucking, tree-hugging, whale-saving, gay marriage fantasizing, big government voting, PETA chasing, Oprah Winfrey, masturbating, flag-burning,
social.
Oprah-Winfrey masturbating.
So you masturbate to Oprah Winfrey.
That has never happened once in the history of America.
No one has masturbated.
So I'm not mad at that one side of this, both of these sides are fucking cringe festivals.
Whoever wrote this needs to be fired.
Maybe it was a hot chick that he wanted to bone.
Just ACLU whiny-ass granola crat.
Touche.
Okay, just fight.
That would have been way easier at the beginning.
False patriot, fucking pussy.
Excuse me.
Of course, who comes along to save the day but the black woman?
Black women are smarter than any other people in the world.
So listen to them.
Pay attention to them.
When two white men are having an argument based of point-form lists of petty insults, then we need to be saved by the ever-present, super intellectual Jamaican woman.
Pedophile.
Racist.
Yeah.
Kid Rock the rapper is racist.
I don't know if racism is a good comeback to pedophile.
Yeah, I'll take a racist over a pedophile any day.
You fuck kids?
Oh, yeah?
Well, you don't like rap.
Okay.
Racist?
Motherfucker, I tour with Ice Cube.
I dig colors.
My son's half black.
So's your president.
Not for long.
Yeah, okay.
Insults, by the way?
My son's half black, so's your president.
Not for long.
Rock.
As soon as your tin man gets behind the curtain in November, you can bet one thing that by January, I'm an expatriate.
Because you have it so bad here, right?
Freedom, opportunity, wealth.
But still, you're a bunch of Civil War and douchebags.
Who'd rather find it?
You know how Jamaicans love saying douchebag all the time.
That's like their go-to word after blood clot and Pekkanini.
Why are you going to vex me so with your douchebags?
I got douchebag closing in on Babylon.
But still you're a bunch of Civil War and douchebags.
That was South African.
Douchebags?
What?
Are you douchebags?
But still, you're a bunch of Civil War and douchebags.
Who'd rather fight over whose ditch bigger than exploit this incredible gift?
Me dreamt of coming over here for 19 years, and I'll spend 10 more fighting to become a citizen.
Yet you fool me.
I don't believe you.
Squabble and won.
Guan, leave.
Fucking pussies.
Fucking pussies.
Whose dick's bigger?
19, no illegal.
What did he say?
My dick's bigger, I'm not kidding.
19, no illegal.
Whose dick's bigger?
19, no illegal.
19, no what?
His dick's 19 inches long?
No illegal.
19, no illegal.
The fuck.
Whose dick's bigger?
19, no illegal.
No green cards, still illegal.
I don't know what the fuck they're talking about if it's her or their penises.
And if your penis is 19 inches long, I feel really sorry for you.
You have a horrible life coming up.
We have some breaking news.
Perfect timing.
26 Marines were killed in vicious fighting today outside Jalalabad.
This marks the tragic milestone of 2,000 soldiers killed in Afghanistan since the conflict began 11 years ago after the hurricane.
Hey, this is where I start to get douche chills.
Not because of dead Marines, that's always horrific, but their reaction is so over the top.
Especially Sean Penn's.
What's that sound?
So wait a minute.
This is weird.
We both hate each other, but the only thing we can agree on is that Marines, young men, having their heads blown off is bad.
If that's the only thing that unites you, you have irreconcilable differences.
In defense of freedom.
Look at him.
And they're both crying.
Amen.
If you're an adult male and this happens in a bar, you go, oh, for fuck's sakes, Jesus.
What are we even doing there?
Half the people go, we have to be there, but we better get out soon.
The other half go, we never should have been there.
But both sides go, oh my God.
It's in a bar.
It's not really a crying atmosphere, especially when you've just both been arguing your point form list insults.
But to both be sobbing?
Sean, aren't you an actor?
Freedom.
Look at that.
Look at that.
To freedom.
Did he just wave air in his eyes like a black woman who's starting to cry?
No, dude, I didn't mean to call you all that stuff and all that.
I don't even really know if my dick's bigger or not.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know that you're a troglodyte.
Stop.
I don't know if you're a troglodyte.
This is like when he said Neanderthal at the beginning.
This is people who don't read trying to use big words.
The other big words they like to use is horrendous and atrocious.
Ryan, there's someone vacuuming next door.
You got to turn this up.
I don't know if you turn up the main speaker or what.
Because Sean Penn has got this, what's his name, Will Witt voice, where he's trying to seduce you all the time.
And he's like, hey man, I didn't even know if you're a troglodyte.
I didn't even know if you're an anathol.
I didn't even know if you're horrid and atrocious.
Please stop.
Just erase troglodyte and horrid and atrocious from America's vocabulary.
I don't care what the context.
Those all have to go.
Joe Rogan loves saying atrocious all the time.
Fucking hurts me.
I have any empirical evidence.
Stop.
I have little empirical evidence that you're a troglodyte.
The little empirical evidence joke would have been okay if we're talking about dicks.
This is...
Like, read it first.
Read the script first.
This could have been so much better if those stupid point-form insults weren't there and it was...
Both sides had valid arguments about the state of America.
Wouldn't that have been awesome?
And they insulted each other's career.
Sean Penn called him a wigger with his fake black accent.
You're a rich kid.
You didn't grow up in Detroit.
You grew up outside of Detroit in those affluent suburbs.
And you're a fucking joke.
You haven't done anything half decent since Jeff Spiccoli running around the world doing Coke in Haiti and pretending that you're helping, befriending dictators.
You're a fucking joke.
Your whole half of the country is a joke.
That would have been great.
But shit's about to get a lot worse.
Oh, stop.
Did you see that neck gesture?
He said with his eyes doing eye acting, should I give you a hug?
Oh, my God.
I'm going to do that next time I hug my wife.
I'm going to stand next to her and go.
I love you.
Should we hug?
Why are you hugging?
Because the Marines died?
That's not what they died for.
They died to stop the spread of Islam.
Not so fucking cornballs can hug.
So this is weird.
He's got his, I don't know what that is, a cool 50s car.
Fucking 57 T-Bird or whatever.
It's a Cadillac?
Chevy.
Chevy?
Beautiful car.
Let's go.
What?
Yeah, it's okay.
A Chevy and Paula.
A Chevy and Paula.
I thought that was a...
So I'm watching this and I'm like, oh, it's a Toyota Prius ad?
What did they pay each of those guys $5 million?
Is this a $10 million car commercial?
It's not.
This is just one part.
And why is it cool to give up your cool, awesome old American car and buy some little secretary mobile?
Is that what we want?
Is that how we unite as a country?
We buy garbage Japanese shit?
Yeah, let's get rid of beautiful classic cars.
Who is in charge of this?
Look at that salesman.
What a coat.
Sean is laughing in the background.
Kid Rock's like, are you serious?
But they sell him.
And in order to bring the country together, he gets a Prius or a, I don't know what that is.
With a gun rack.
Stop water.
So the water's not healthy here.
I guess they're fracking, right?
And that's bad.
So we're just going to gloss over the fact that that Chevy and Pal is gone.
They got rid of that.
And then he's pissing, right?
Terrible fake piss.
But check this out.
Stop, stop.
Wait, go back a bit.
So they're talking about the quality of the water table.
Don't piss here.
And if there's one thing that a giant sandy prairie can't handle, it's half a pint of urine.
Like, what is this?
So Kid Rock's taking a piss, and then Sean Penn comes over with a little kid's bucket.
So we don't get any pee on the sand.
Yeah, pee goes right down to the water table.
I don't know if you knew that.
And gophers and deer don't piss there at all.
What?
Just good to go.
You could put fucking nuclear waste there and the sand would absorb it.
Calm the fuck down.
And don't you have to take your whole overalls off to piss?
Shouldn't we be seeing his bum?
Look at this.
Oh, well, I had to do it.
That's your piss?
Sorry, that's my piss.
Oh, well.
Where are you taking that now to a toilet?
Okay, so now stop.
So now they've become best friends.
And they're learning from each other, just like we could learn from each other.
Like, don't drink martinis.
They're gay.
Didn't he hear him order it?
What the fuck?
Try it, my beer.
Let's drink a beer together.
What do you think?
Oh, it's so gross.
What was that?
So now they go to a gay marriage.
And of course, it's beautiful.
Come in, enjoy.
No thanks, yucky.
It's one thing I learned about hanging with black people in rap, that you never compliment homosexuals.
Now they're sitting on the beach, cross-legged, opening presents for each other.
One of them gets a Peter Rocks, and the other gets a NASCAR.
And they decide, because I think they're falling in love here, they decide to switch shirts.
And now he's giggling?
Look at that.
He's giggling and holding a Peter Rocks shirt.
Like, the parody is Nickelodeon levels.
We love America.
I don't think the sport of NASCAR is equivalent to the activism of PETA either.
Yeah, everyone loves NASCAR.
You cannot deny it looks cool.
I don't care if you're from outer space.
PETA is a fucked up, corrupt organization with kill shelters.
They rescue dogs from kill shelters and then don't know what to do with them, so they kill them.
It's a bizarre contradiction of itself.
NASCARs doesn't kill cars.
You know what, man?
What?
You're still a freaking commie.
And you still think you can see Russia through your house.
Stop.
You're still a fucking commie.
I mean, I don't know where I am with this parody here, right?
I'm criticizing the comedy thing.
So they're not literally trying to have a point versus point debate.
This isn't like Tucker Carlson and what was his name, Ben Smith.
But Sean Penn is a commie.
He supports socialism.
And when, what was her name who said that?
Sarah, my brain is going blank here.
Governor Palin, Sarah Palin.
When she said, I can see Russia from my house, she doesn't literally mean she looks out her window and Russians are going, Shamfonti stok, shavloti stok.
She means it's so close.
I can basically see it from my window.
So if we were to have some sort of a war scenario, I'm in the front lines.
I'm the first thing they're going to see if they come over to invade us.
So I'm familiar with the concept of foreign relations.
And once again, the left always does this.
They take our jokes, like grab them by the pussy, and they pretend it's some sort of doctrine that we want installed in the fucking dictionary.
Man, if it weren't for Ronnie, you'd be standing in Russia.
Well, you know what they say.
One thing to have an actor in the White House.
Quite another bad actor.
Don't let politics divide us.
I think I know now why politics has become so divisive in this country.
It's this video.
Flip-flops.
Could you imagine a liberal doing this under the Trump administration?
They would never.
Never.
Trump would be like, he's a murderer, so no, I'm not going to make a funny little video.
I don't want to give Nazis a plot for him.
This was the least badass thing I've ever seen.
Holy fuck.
And it could have been so good.
Thanks a lot, Kid Rock, for separating this country worse than any fucking Charlottesville nuclear war child pedo ring.
This was the worst thing that's happened to America since 9-11.
Now I'm following, following Mosso.
What is that guy?
Mosso.
I think he's Japanese.
Maybe he can be our new whackpacker.
With a name like Yoshi, I think he is Japanese, right?
Well, it's a really dumb thing to name your band because when you Google it, you obviously get 900 pounds of Mario.
Or sorry, Mario, as they say here.
We'll do that part over again.
Mario, take the Mario out.
Put Yoshi.
I don't like it.
I've got a lot of trouble with that word.
I have trouble with Luigi.
I don't want to say that.
Take that out.
Put in Wario.
Let's call Sylvia.
I haven't heard from her in a Yonks.
GD.
Hello?
Hey, Sylvia, how you doing?
It's Gavin.
Oh, I'm not well, Gavin.
My lungs are sharp, but I'm dizzy.
I can't do much of anything.
How have you been?
I'm okay.
What does the doctor say?
I feel bad I bought you cigarettes so many times.
No, believe me, it wasn't.
Lungs were already permanently damaged, okay?
Not your fault.
I haven't seen you out and about walking down the street.
I stay home most of the time.
I'm too busy to walk.
No.
How about that little dog?
Is it still around?
No, my baby, she died May 13th.
No.
I got a little rescue dog.
He's with Chihuahua, too.
That's the one I was talking about.
How's it doing?
Oh, yeah, he's okay.
He's okay.
Thank you.
Do you have someone coming by regularly?
Do you need anything?
No, no, I'm good.
My daughter comes every day, and my girlfriend comes on the weekends, so I'm not alone.
I'm good, But thanks for asking, Gavin.
I hope everything goes well for you.
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
Well, let's keep checking in.
I think you'll be back on your feet in a couple weeks.
I hope so.
All right.
All right.
Cheers, Sil.
Bye.
Wow, that really.
Whoa.
Womp, womp, womph.
You really know how to drag it down, right?
Yikes.
Not very entertaining.
A little too real.
Maybe check in on seniors before the show and make sure that they're not Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.
No, we wish old Sil nothing but the best.
Let's do a quick Antifa before we get to the letters because they're an integral part of the national divorce, too.
I saw this.
I follow a ton of Antifa accounts, and I saw them talk about this man who was trying to steal cars on property he claims is his, but this tow truck was destroyed, and the oligarch, the oligarch was forced to leave.
And I'm like, oligarch?
This is sounding a teensy bit biased.
It sounds like you just took over this guy's property and you refused to leave.
And then, of course, you check normal Twitter accounts, like Andy knows, and you see that's exactly what happened.
Go to 3.8.
What the fuck are they doing now?
There are squatters on the property and the seller does not have resources to remove them and is willing to negotiate the price for a buyer to take the risk of closing.
Home sellers in Portland have put houses on the market at a great deal, but there's a catch.
What is this now?
They're squatting homes.
What a night.
Look at that house.
Jesus.
Who wants to live there?
Who wants to live in that town?
I was just there, and it's funny because not just, like a year ago.
When I grew up, when you thought of Portland and Seattle, when you thought of Seattle, you thought of grunge.
That's since the early 90s.
But when you thought of the Pacific Northwest, you thought of mountain bikes.
You thought of lakes.
You thought of hiking boots and those cargo shorts and the Patagonia sweatshirt.
You thought of going on a hike in the mountains.
You didn't think of racism and fascism.
I mean, when you think of fascism, shouldn't that be in a political town like Washington, D.C.?
Not a big redwood town like Tacoma and Seattle and Portland?
It's so weird that these places have become the political hotspots.
Maybe it's just a white thing.
Whites need to complain about white people.
Blacks don't do this.
Even like middle-class blacks who have made it out of the hood and got their life together, their whole thing is like peace.
They have no interest in other blacks behaving badly.
They don't want to help the hood.
They totally abandon the hood.
But white people, they self-destruct.
And it's one of the biggest mysteries of my life.
I honestly believe it's a genetic trait.
It's some sort of strange lemming trait where when they reach a certain level of success, they self-immolate and annihilate.
What are these pictures now?
No, it's 4 out of 11.
Oh, is that a screen grab, though?
It's not 4 out of 11.
Yeah.
So go to the top of this.
Portlanders desperately try to sell homes taken over by squatters.
Unfortunately, there are squatters on the property and seller does not have the resource to remove them.
Oh, we already read that.
Go down a bit.
A two-bedroom, three-bathroom, single-family home has been placed on the market for $330,000.
There's a catch, though.
The buyer ultimately ends up purchasing the home.
We'll be tasked with removing squatters.
This sounds like a job for the mob.
Right?
This is perfect for someone with some friends who are able to take care of that thing with the stuff.
You know?
Jewish lightning.
Keep going.
What a fucking mess.
Just beat them up.
The neighborhood has reportedly become a hub of homeless people taking advantage of vacant homes with neighbors saying that they now live in fear for their safety.
Why'd you let the homes go vacant?
It's unbearable to watch your whole city become a dumpster fire, says Annette Benedetti, who lives near homes on South Zimbabwe, that have sat abandoned and have since had numerous homeless people move in with RVs lining the streets.
In early July, Benedetti said that 16 homeless people had moved into the neighborhood.
It's a living nightmare.
These are left-wing policies.
You could take a virtual tour.
Should we click that?
Yeah, well, the virtual tour is...
Oh, there we go.
That's interesting.
Oh, okay.
So those don't look like the easy-to-remove groups.
No, but it's kind of equestrian.
There's horses.
There's a policeman.
They have one cop.
Oh, it doesn't look like he's doing too good.
Uh-oh.
All right, well, let's.
As soon as they bite your leg, you're fucked, right?
Can they bite your horse?
I don't watch zombie movies.
I'm not 10.
What am I five?
I thought this was interesting, too.
I've been thinking about this a lot.
These Karens, these middle-class Karens, they work with Antifa because they have the same politics.
Remember, what's her name?
Joy Behar on The View saying, Antifa, that's an idea, not an organization.
Anti-fascist, that's what it means.
And it's sort of like Nazi skinheads being in bed with like normal conservative housewives.
Like when Antifa terrorized my neighborhood and put up posters saying, get him out of here, he's evil.
And then the local liberal housewives were like, okay, thanks, we'll take it from here.
And they joined up doing the exact same thing.
Like imagine a conservative area like Darion, Darion, Connecticut.
A bunch of Nazi skinheads like Patriot Front or whatever comes up there and says, fuck this guy.
And then the local housewives go, okay, we'll take it from here.
You don't see conservative housewives in bed with radical right wingers the way you always see liberal housewives totally at bed with the radical, radical, radical left.
So this guy doxed these Antifa doxers, and look who it is.
Uh-oh.
Oh, shit.
I should have done a screen guab.
Shit.
Well, here, go to the top.
Exposing MAF.
Well, that's penisy.
That is penisy.
Maybe you can dig it up.
But they found these Karens who were doxing all these people and getting Proud Boys fired, and they were normal run-of-the-mill housewives.
Like middle-class moms who did not look remotely Antifa.
Interesting how Sonia...
Oh, there they go.
La Sonia.
Hey, Sonia.
No, that's La Sonia to you.
I'm Latinx.
And then go to the other one.
Marketing firecracker.
You see, that's, and go back, proud mama.
She probably says kiddos.
So these women work in PR.
And when they're not organizing wine and cheese tasters, they are doxing people, allegedly.
And I thought that's kind of the problem with the left, is they don't eschew their radicals.
It's actually not an infinity pool.
She's just displacing so much water.
You can't see one side of it.
This is all kind of ancient news.
I've been meaning to get off my book for a while.
State of emergency in Portland being declared.
On July 21st, Ted Wheeler declared a state of emergency due to the historic surge of homicides and shootings.
Antifa and far left have decried the declaration.
They thrive off once and chaos, believing they help undermine capitalism.
Yes, you are correct, Antifa.
Your riots do undermine capitalism.
In fact, you're playing into the hands of the despots and the tyrannical fascists, really.
When you destroy businesses, you justify increased police presence, not less.
And then the next thing you know, you're living under a dictatorship.
Racist fucking shit.
And then there's this guy, Rod Weber.
Absolute clown and lives with his mom, his professor mom.
She justifies, look at him.
That's him in the front.
So these are proud boys who are in trouble for protesting a drag queen story event because objecting to groomers is evil.
And so this career Antifa kid, Rod Weber, comes up and attacks them and is filming them and doxing them.
They're on their way to court.
How dare you protest groomers?
How dare you oppose pedophilia, you radical freaks.
So this guy keeps jumping them, screaming at them.
You're cutting off a lot of the video.
There he is.
That's Rod Weber there.
And he starts pushing at them, trying to...
And then he starts attacking the cops.
And now look at him fall.
Ow, whoa, ow!
Help!
Look at him dressed all Pacific Northwest punky.
He's like 48 years old.
Get the fuck out of my face.
God, those people.
You're a Nazi if you oppose Drag Queen Story Hour.
Are you worried about pedophilia in your town?
Are you worried about sexualizing children, you Nazi?
Look.
Just like I say in the intro, look at these fucking losers.
This is kind of old.
This BLM lunatic, which is part and parcel of Antifa, he gets BLM arsonist Ayub Tabri, who's not a citizen.
He's here on, I don't know, Visa, green card.
He's sentenced to not a year, just one day under a year, because if it was a year, it would affect his immigration status.
Oh.
So the feds asked him to come under 46 months.
So they said, no problem.
I wouldn't want to mess with an arsonist's immigration status.
That would be mean.
Like what?
We should do a whole show on our justice system.
It's based on race.
It's based on politics.
It's based on tears.
It's based on shit you mumbled on the phone.
It's not based on the law.
It's not based on evidence.
We just had a whole kangaroo court called a committee where the other side couldn't represent themselves.
They started their own trial.
And we see this too with academia, where the universities will say, well, we can't kick this guy out because he didn't do anything illegal or wrong.
So they have their own little mini hearings, just like an animal house.
That animal house joke was meant to be an exaggeration, and now it's totally normal.
Kangaroo courts are popping up all over the country where random people act as judge, jury, and executioner.
And then lastly, Antifa Broads are a fucking nightmare.
4-3.
So this chick, she's called, go back up again, Alyssa Eleanor Azhar.
Alyssa Azhar, and she's like a Syrian journalist.
And she's constantly whining about Proud Boys attacking her for no reason while she just walks down the street.
But this is what she does.
She charges at these people and pepper sprays them in the face.
And then as they're blinded and trying to fight back, they'll accidentally hit her or hit her on purpose.
They can't tell if it's a woman.
And then she'll post a picture of herself, like beaten again by these sexist monsters.
Again, Pacific Northwest.
Ridiculous, isn't it?
Oh, good.
But what when was that?
That's 2021.
Yeah, that didn't go anywhere.
Alright, let's open the mailbag.
Right about now.
Right about now.
Now we have something unfortunate to announce.
I forgot my McPuter.
My daughter used to call it a McPuter when she was three.
So I call it that forever now.
So I've marked with a purple flag what we should discuss, Ryan.
So you can read them out, and then I'll have my commentary prepared.
So don't read anything that's not purple flagged and start at the top.
This is a Nita Fashion suit, by the way.
The interiors are some of the best parts of these.
And when you go to NitaFashions.com, you choose the buttons and where the pockets go.
It's not like they just randomly throw a suit together.
Everything is to your specs.
Uh-oh.
This guy is critiquing or criticizing Mr. Buckley, our guest of yesterday.
Okay?
This man writes, hey homos, while I think your guest is a smart dude, I think he's missing the mark, right?
Yunk it is garbage.
He was the same swampy Republican until the Daily Wire exposed the kid rape shit, right?
Then he gets in and goes back to his spineless ways.
He wouldn't even enforce the law when protesters were outside the justices' homes.
While a lot of these America-first politicians are over the top, I would much rather have one of those.
The GOP has sat idly by while the left has corrupted everything about this country.
And maybe even some gets Trump types to the right would be good.
That's what we need.
We obviously need a pit bull.
And Coulter talked about this all the time, how Mitt Romney would just roll over every time he got shot on.
And Trump would get, hey, Huffington Post said they're only reporting on you in the entertainment section because you're not real politics.
And he's like, Adriana Huffington, your husband dumped you for a man, did he not?
I think he made the right choice.
That's what we need.
Matt gets that Josh, what's his name, Wall?
Holly, Josh, who said, what's a woman?
Someone like that.
Someone edgy.
And I'm not saying that because I like that.
I'm saying that because we absolutely need that.
Like, no one else can handle these corrupt assholes.
We're basically dealing with Antifa.
I mean, I said earlier that these middle-class, normal PR moms are working with Antifa and doxing people.
And it's the same with AOC, Ilhan Omar, Nancy Pelosi.
She's all on the same page as the radical left.
So if you're going to get someone in there, they've got to be radical right.
Sorry, I didn't make the rules.
The next one is a funny video that I think we might like by Clifford.
But yeah, this is the problem with scaring people in New York.
They're constantly on edge.
I like how he's got it on his cam.
Again, we're told in boxing that a right hook is rebotant, but it sure seems effective to me.
I guess he left himself vulnerable.
You don't have to worry about leaving yourself open when your opponent has no arms.
Next.
Okay, the next one is...
Sorry to say, but Gavin is retarded.
Jesus, dude, do you know anything?
Wheel whale weights?
It's just wheel weights, and they have nothing to do with your tire pressure.
They balance the wheels so your car doesn't shake at high speeds.
Have you ever heard of getting your car aligned and balanced?
The balance refers to your tires being balanced, and then he calls you a very mean name.
I can take it, Don.
Calls you a fucking moron.
Wow.
You said you could take it, but look at your face.
It looks like you're very hurt.
I didn't know it was going to be that bad.
I told you it was bad.
I wouldn't, even if it was a softball, I would throw it.
Did you ever see that Kean Peele sketch where they have this crippled burn victim?
Did we talk about that?
Oh, yeah, I've seen that.
Yeah, I think we watched that on the show.
And he's like, I can take it.
And then he makes a few jokes about him, and everyone goes, oh, and the guy's crying.
He said, you told me you could take it.
And he goes, I thought I could.
Oh, he's got a voice thing.
Like, I thought I could, but I can't.
This one is about the tour de France.
Did we see this?
Oh, this is fucking cool.
This makes me love French people.
At least French kids.
So they're motor crossing over the gap.
And the jump they made is insane.
Every time I think of France's sort of DNA, I realize whenever we talk about the original caveman, they always seem to be from France.
I think it's the oldest white people in the world.
Whoa.
Great video.
Thanks for that.
This goes a lot faster when you're doing it.
Of course.
Of course it does.
Your face is twitching a bit.
You're starting to look like Hellboy when he was Beauty and the Beast.
Oh, right, right.
Wow, what a classic, right?
Very good.
We loved it.
Or maybe not.
I don't know.
Not sure where we stand on that.
Okay, Eric brings in this.
Are you aware of the recent cookery from Battle Tech franchise firing up their top writer to appease a woke Tranny?
Am I supposed to care about some fucking video game now?
Have you ever played Battle Tech, Ryan?
I don't even know what that is.
Imagine the contract that never signed was identified.
No directions.
So what did they actually do?
I don't know.
Social justice jackdaws swooped in and penned a few emails to the publishers of Battletech Atops and Fanatics, the people above Catalyst Game Labs.
A four-decade career in writing came crashing down in an instant, and one of the foremost voices in Battletech fiction was silence.
Gotta put this, folks.
Oh, yes.
Fuck this.
Pardo's politics never once colored his creative output for Fossa or Catalyst or interfered with his demonstration.
look, I sympathize with you.
That is called censored.tv.
I hate seeing people get canceled, but knowing about this, knowing the writer of your video game and talking about video games with such authority, just it brings me down worse than a call to Sylvia.
Sure.
Now, listen, this guy is a funny guy, great guy.
You're familiar with this guy?
Yeah, he's a big fan of yours.
Oh.
Okay.
And he does great videos, but frankly, I tried to have him on the show, but the only communication I could reach him on was Facebook.
And then they booted my ass off, so the trail has run cold.
I've got some fake Facebook things I can send you.
That'd be great.
Daughter born on 420.
Line it up, right?
And they want to thank you or something like that.
Wow.
Beautiful.
Oh, they're watching the show.
Cool.
I like your pillow.
Wait, are they watching the zoom in on his glasses?
Well, no, I read all these letters before.
They told me they were.
Okay, he's got a Budweiser pillow.
He's a friendly.
Next.
Next letter.
That's what we call it.
We call it a letter, right?
Because you could read it.
You could write it.
CPS and child trafficking.
Hi, Gavin and Ryan.
A journalist decided to actually do some reporting on child trafficking in CPS and other government agencies and did a documentary.
I've never...
Show the documentary.
I haven't watched it yet.
I briefly peruse it.
I'm going to watch it on my own time, but I'm happy to promote these kind of things.
It looks pretty well done.
It's called These Little Ones, World Premier.
So if you go to Stu Peters Network, oh wow, Stu Peters.
He was the guy that had the controversy around him because he called out MTG at FPAC.
Remember that?
And everybody was like, Stu Peters, you're a loser.
Barry Crane, remember him?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was the guy.
He kind of is booted from America first, as far as at least their respect goes.
Because he came up there and he just shat on Marjorie Taylor Greene, his whole, not his whole speech, but a lot of his speech.
Sure.
And we're all sitting there going, dude, she had the balls to come out here and risk her career.
And it was a shitstorm for her.
But she braids it anyway.
And now you're like, she's a bitch.
She's a rhino.
Fuck her.
What does he look like again?
Show me Stu Peters.
He's a rapper.
Remember he did raps?
He did a lot of things like that.
Rap?
Yes, he's a rapper.
Stu.
I'm so sick of white rappers and their fake black accent.
Fucking up words they know how to pronounce.
It's so irritating.
And last I checked, you know, Nick wasn't going to kick him off the platform or anything.
He was just like, you know, we just don't like him very much.
Is this his rap?
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
Just wasted.
Looks like Rob Deerdeck.
He's about to show me some funny videos, right?
Is that Chanel Far East Coast?
No regrets, right?
Some people say to be nice, specifically when you bow, when you're faded at night.
Drunk both type of man to pay for your flight.
I hear this on the videos right.
Dog talking to record labels, investors, promoters.
The future hope real bright for folks.
Yo, this is the best.
I'm talking Grammys and Oscars at the time for football.
I'm in the ring with them boxers.
They're going to know the name Stewart Peters from the grassroots meeting.
It does look exactly like Rydeck.
It's crazy.
I'm finally going to live that dream.
It's worth the thin times that went.
It's worth being a rapper to get to fuck her, I guess.
Next letter, let's do a couple more.
Yes, we're very sorry to show you that ridiculousness.
Wink.
Okay, let's get serious.
Doug says, remember that?
A wing wigger.
A right wigger.
A rigger.
Right?
Rigger action.
Remember?
Rigger?
Remember that?
A right wing wigger.
No, I have a wigger.
A hotel rowiger.
Boy, that's too close.
Remember that video of the guys kicking the shit out of that woman in the staircase and stepping over her?
Well, somebody's been arrested for the attack.
You know, I've got somebody that reached out to me and they wanted to see some more info about this, and I didn't have any, so I just sent more examples of the same thing kind of happening.
So I looked this guy up.
He is black.
Oh, no kidding.
It was the way the video was sort of blown out, and maybe someone else did that on purpose.
We've seen that happen before, right?
I'm getting a Trump accent.
We've seen that happen before, right?
Very, very sad.
Many times.
Very sad.
Sad stuff.
They'll take the picture, though.
They lighten it up so he looks like a white guy.
It's the media.
Our media and our justice system.
So, yeah, a Springfield man was arrested for the money.
Yeah, but I don't think his picture's in that article.
But if you look up his name, he is a black man.
Well, they don't even mention his name in here, huh?
No, they mention his name?
In this article?
Uh-huh.
Where?
I was smart enough to get into it by just putting in a fake email.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
You're not, unfortunately.
Well, I don't have the time.
Yeah?
This one's pretty long.
Are we going to...
Oh, wife's leaving.
Wow.
This one I probably shouldn't read as Trump.
That's a little...
No, read it.
It's a good one.
Okay.
Oh, as Trump, I see.
As Trump?
No, don't read it as Trump.
Well, it doesn't matter.
Or not with a wig on, I guess.
Well, the wig's fine.
Yeah, let's have a four-hour meeting about it.
Hey, G-Dog, sly guy, and baby monster.
My wife and I have been fans for years.
Your advice was a big part of my decision to grow up, put a ring on it.
We dated for three years.
We're engaged for one.
And we just had our two-year anniversary.
There's only one problem.
We got married when I was 28 and she was 30.
Two years of miscarriage.
Ooh, and a little over $2 million in fertility treatments later.
$2 million?
She's done.
She doesn't have another six-sile in her.
Cycle?
Well, it might be spelt wrong.
Yeah, cycle in her.
But she knows how much I want kids, and I feel about, you know, how I feel about people who opt out.
She says that when she looks at me, she wants to die.
I love this girl.
I would stay even if she said she never wanted kids.
She says I have to go, and it's been months of this, so it's just not a mood.
Bye-bye.
My question is, if she stays gone, all will having children with someone else be enough to make this trying again worth it?
Do you believe the grammar we get?
I thought I was rich enough to blow $2 million on something, and that's how he writes English.
Let's see.
From where I'm sitting, it's hard to imagine it being worth trying again with someone else.
Tell me I'm right or change my mind.
Sorry, it's so big.
I like your new sunglasses in Dallas, Drew.
So I've been thinking about this a lot, and I say, let her go.
Like, sometimes I would say adopt.
It sounds like you guys obviously would have considered that, but you're not doing it.
So you should leave the one, the woman you love.
I'm sorry, but when the beauty of being a man is you could start as late as 35.
It's not ideal, right?
I don't know how old he is now.
He was 28.
How long have they been together for?
Two years and engaged one.
So he's like early 30s.
Find someone else.
Find someone young.
Find someone in their early to mid-20s.
You'll have four or five kids.
And then you'll look back with all these kids and you won't go, damn it.
I wish I had stuck with the one who can't, who has a barren womb.
It's horrific.
It's sad.
I know couples that tried and they couldn't do it and they stayed together and that's fine too because they're in love.
But I know a dude whose wife had cancer and she managed to beat it.
They wanted to have more kids and the risk was the fertility drugs could bring back her cancer.
And they both sort of went, let's do it.
And so they took the fertility drugs.
She had two more kids and died of cancer.
And they both sort of made the decision.
Actually, I know him, not her, that well.
So I'm assuming she was in on it.
But they realized that me dying to make two more kids is worth it.
I know this is heavy shit, but like we're talking about you not having kids or you taking a woman's best years.
Like you marry, you meet a girl at 26, you dump her at 32.
You've just committed mass murder.
She's not going to have three kids.
Those three kids aren't going to have three kids.
Those three kids aren't going to, it keeps going on until you prevented the lives of, I don't know, when do you end it?
Millions?
You're Mao.
You're Stalin.
You're Hitler.
You're literally Hitler.
I was walking around Gazdav the other night and I realized as much as I bitch about these assholes who ruined a woman's best years, I've done it twice now.
Yeah.
I can think of two girls where I got them at...
I wasn't with them forever, but yeah, one of them I was with them for basically 25 to 31 and then was like, and that's horrific that I did that.
Yeah, I can relate.
It's really tough, you know, to forgive yourself or something like that.
But you just hope that she moves on and you have to.
And you let her go.
And neither of those girls have had kids.
So while I sit here and call you Hitler, I'm Hitler too.
Don't take that out of context.
And it's a big, it's a bad thing.
I guess that's all I really want to get across is that we recognize that that's bad.
It's bad to let a woman's ovaries dry up.
I've done it.
And if you've done it, you should be ashamed.
Because I'm ashamed.
It's not a good thing.
Not good.
Never good.
Anyway, let's lighten things up here with the final vid.
Kind of shows you how easy it was to make early Beastie Boys songs, right?
Yeah, it's a little insulting to them.
Pretty simple.
I don't want this, the ones from the notes.
I want the one I sent you later on.
Oh, I got it.
I got it in a big way.
We're trying to get across it.
Life is precious.
And I'm not against these sort of crazy extreme sports.
I get it.
It's exciting to stare the God of death in the face.
But there's one thing it shows you.
It's how tenuous it is.
Like, if you keep tempting fate, sometimes fate might want to tempt you back.
Look at that.
Looking good?
Oh, no, that's spinning too much.
Wait.
Oh, now it goes inside out and he gets in it.
Now, here's the scary part.
It's got like a million cords.
Look at that.
It's dozens of different cables.
How the fuck are you going to untangle yourself from that?
How could you possibly if you were sitting on the ground?
It looks like it's about an hour of untangling to go.
Meanwhile, you're plumbing towards Earth.
Last option, rip it off.
One second left.
So I don't understand what rip it off means.
It looks like it's still on him.
So I guess he had a backup?
Turn it up.
You got to hear when he lands.
Oh my god.
Wow, man.
Looks like the wires that connect your balls to whatever they're connected to.
Yeah.
Those are veins.
Oh.
Yeah.
I mean, it's funny how we all sort of shrug and talk about how life means nothing and just babies not being born and people almost dying all around us.
This is real, motherfuckers.
Get off your phone.
Stop playing video games.
Stop pretending.
Stop watching TV.
Get away from screens.
Real life is going on.
Real babies are being born and not being born.
We have a president who's dead.
We have a dead president.
They talk about how money is dead presidents.
Look at our president.
He passed away probably about three years ago.
We're living in a zombie movie.
And it's all because of Kid Rock.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
May God protect our troops.
Great.
Maker's Rocks, hold the rocks.
Do you mind changing the channel a little bit?
Retard.
I'm so sick of life, lying to myself.
No need to hide.
Don't give a fuck about somebody else.
I don't need any guidance.
I'll go my way.
I'm not afraid to walk alone.
My Lord Jesus never known.
I can feel it in my bones.
This is my life.
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