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Aug. 4, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:00:51

GOML LIVE #160 - AVACADO TOAST

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.
	You like the strip, I like it too.
	I like it too.
	Do you mind if you trippin' you?
	I just button.
	That thing goes on my chips.
	Strut so hard with the truth and bag.
	Get your way into my number.
	Having a strutton don't cause a doubt.
	Hello, rubber.
	Strutton.
	Who was that by, Ryan?
	Some gay fucking band.
	I hate seeing butt cheeks.
	That's so gay.
	Whoa, you're doing.
	I do not like the butt cheeks.
	Ryan, I own chaps.
	You don't.
	Well, I'm sure you wear stuff under the chaps.
	Sure.
	Unless it's hot.
	It's just, I like, it's so gross to see butt cheeks, guys, butt cheeks.
	That's disgusting.
	That's gay.
	So what's the name of the band?
	Oh.
	They're called the Humpasaurus.
	Oh, yeah, Humpasaurus.
	Bunch of sexy guys.
	Similar to Primus.
	Yeah, I can see that.
	When we were setting up the show, Ryan was playing like Cambrian Cobria.
	No, it was not.
	Fucking garbage.
	It was not Cohed.
	Guitar Center teacher, garbage shit.
	And then I put on, or someone, he puts on Rock the Casbah, but it comes on.
	I put it on.
	Yeah, but it's because of me you put it on.
	So I put it on.
	And I go, see, how can you not objectively see that this song is better than the Guitar Center shit you were playing?
	And he's like, I want to see what the new guys are up to.
	I want to see what the new guys are.
	That's old stuff.
	Okay, that dumb song is new.
	That's funny and weird and interesting.
	Like, your Guitar Center shit is fucking garbage.
	It's for people who teach guitar.
	I do teach guitar.
	And because you're Puerto Rican, that means you don't teach guitar.
	I've taught.
	To who?
	My daughter for one night?
	I've taught other people guitar.
	How many times?
	My friend Frank Howell, I taught him how to play.
	It's nothing guitar.
	And Free Fallen.
	Play that shit you were playing before, just so everyone can see your terrible taste in music.
	Okay, warning, this is a banger.
	Let me guess.
	It's this is the tag zone music.
	I work out to that.
	It's like Emo Motley Crew.
	It's fucking embarrassing.
	You should be embarrassed.
	It's tight.
	Welcome back, Maddie Odell.
	Hey, everybody.
	Good to see you.
	So I hate your taste in music.
	That's fine.
	It's not different.
	It doesn't shake me one little eye.
	It's not like when I see someone into polka music and I go, oh, I don't get that.
	Or someone into rap.
	And I'm like, I'm not a big rap guy or a country I respect.
	But your taste in music doesn't slap.
	Oh, it slaps.
	And you know how I react when you tell me my music doesn't slap?
	You play Melissa Etheridge again and say, that don't impress me much.
	Shania, how dare you?
	I do this.
	I go.
	Is that a booger?
	Oh, so you do one of my jokes when I insult you?
	Okay, I got you.
	Maybe that's from yesterday.
	I didn't remember eating that.
	You could teach me how to play the guitar.
	I could, and I can, and I will.
	Cover the New York Post, 10 people, 945 days, 485 crimes.
	Most are still free.
	It is a fucking war zone in this town, folks.
	An absolute shithole war zone.
	I saw the Daily Mail.
	I just sent you this.
	They found one of these guys, these career criminals.
	Me?
	New York City's most, oh, not anymore, dude.
	You did like four crimes that you got caught for.
	This guy has been arrested how many times?
	101 arrests.
	Wow.
	It's like Dalmatians.
	For repeated raids on Target and other stores.
	Raids.
	You raided Target many times.
	And you see this guy, Harold Gooden, and you're like, he's a master thief.
	He's like in that new, speaking of 101 Dalmatians, that new Disney movie that's all a punky that my daughter watched and loved, the girl with the half black hair with cursing dunce.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	No, no.
	That one passed me by.
	The new like Cruella Deville thing.
	It's a history of Corella Deville.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And it didn't pass you by.
	You watched it as an adult.
	You said new.
	That was two years ago.
	Yeah.
	Well, in the history film, it's considered pretty new.
	But, you know, those kind of bad guys, those kind of career criminals who like steal a locket?
	Do you see the numbers, though?
	101 arrests, 15 convictions.
	Not a good ratio.
	No.
	See, when I see this guy, I don't think of like the old burglar like in Disney cartoons where they have the black thing around, they have the striped thing.
	This guy is an imbecile.
	Like, I don't think he's...
	Hello?
	I don't think it goes up.
	Ryan.
	Oh, turn the whole thing up.
	I don't think this guy is like, oh, I've got a new plan to invade Target this time where we're going to go through the back door.
	Like, you watch Better Call Saul, the new Better Call Sauls, and he starts giving the security guards Cinnabons.
	And he notices that it takes him like 3.8 seconds to eat a Cinnabon, and he's not looking at the screens when he eats it.
	So then he plans an attack to rob all these stores based on 3.8 minutes.
	The guy hits his head and gets knocked out, and that fucks up the whole plan.
	But the point is that there's some scheming going on.
	I don't think this is a schemer.
	No, that's the guy sitting on a milk crate in front of the bodega around the corner.
	Yeah, this is a lemur.
	Not a schemer.
	This is a...
	Look at the fucking art he likes.
	This is a retard.
	This is a guy who would make Ryan Rivera look like a super genius.
	He is a super genius.
	According to our sources, Ryan Catsu Rivera was caught on hidden camera being a secret genius and liking the coolest music that actually slaps.
	Speaking of genius, I want to give you guys a little brain teaser.
	Sure.
	Okay, I sent you a picture, Ryan, and I want all three of us to try to figure it out.
	Gotcha.
	Truth be told, I spent 20 minutes on this and I think I got it, so I'm cheating.
	And I think Maddie might come close.
	But I could lock Ryan in a cell for three years.
	I would not like that.
	And I could be like, Ryan, you can get out the second you solve this mystery.
	What the fuck happened here?
	The second you solve it, you're out.
	I know what it is already.
	Okay, what happened?
	That's the fucking tracks that a fucking horseshoe crab makes.
	Okay.
	We're not, that's the step one.
	So what happened here?
	Go back to the picture.
	That's a horseshoe crab in the middle.
	Right?
	So it went in a circle?
	Yeah.
	Okay, why is it where the circle meets the main track, there's no overlap?
	There's a disturbance there behind his tail.
	Yes, but where at the top there, where the loop meets itself, there's no disturbance.
	So it had to have started there.
	Or maybe he was there and another one walked around him.
	What do you think, Ryan?
	Hmm.
	Still, yeah.
	Unfortunately, Maddie nailed it, so Ryan can just sit here.
	I don't see those anymore.
	Like when I was a kid growing up, at the beach, there was horseshoe crabs everywhere.
	That's why it looks like tire tracks in the sand.
	Right.
	Here's what happened.
	You ready?
	The horseshoe crab you saw is dead.
	So go back to the picture.
	The tide's coming in and out, in and out.
	A horseshoe crab is deposited where that braid meets the tracks.
	That's where it lands from scratch.
	The water washes out.
	The dead horseshoe crab is already there.
	It then goes ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket.
	Wait, the other way.
	Ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticklish.
	Counterclockwise.
	Yeah, counterclockwise.
	No, wait.
	Yeah, counterclockwise.
	It comes across the dead horseshoe crab, doesn't give a shit, walks over the tail of that horseshoe crab, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, keeps going north.
	That's what happened.
	That horseshoe crab you see has nothing to do with those horseshoe crab tracks.
	It's a red herring.
	That is your conjecture and surmise because we have no proof.
	Now, can you imagine how long Ryan would be in a cell trying to understand even the question?
	And this is why we should annex Puerto Rico.
	Just let it go.
	Why do we have Puerto Rico?
	It's only a Commonwealth.
	It's like Guam.
	I know, but they get our welfare.
	Cut them loose.
	What have they brought us besides Ryan Rivera?
	And the only reason he has an IQ is because his penis injected a Puerto Rican with some Japanese sperm.
	There are some hot Puerto Rican chicks.
	Yes, I'm not going to deny that.
	They are cardiovascular.
	So that's the only reason we have Puerto Rico is for sexiness?
	And they're good boxers.
	Like who?
	It's questionable.
	I don't know.
	Coco?
	Is that one?
	Coco, the gorilla?
	Coto?
	Yeah.
	I got my guys on.
	What about these?
	But you can't do these.
	What are those?
	The diving bell that Cylock Fox and Max Mouse are using has snapped its chain.
	A rescue team can reach Skylock and Max within 20 minutes, but there are only 50 minutes of air left.
	What will Skylock do?
	Can he just open that and they can swim up?
	Let's see.
	Solution.
	He will use the lug wrench to remove the sunken car's tires and release the air into the diving bell.
	Oh, that's weird.
	Yeah.
	But wait a minute.
	How do we know that the lug wrench will open that door?
	The sunken car's tires.
	Oh, release their air into the diving bell.
	Is that good air?
	Is that breathable air?
	Check this one out, but don't read the...
	Maybe in a pinch.
	I wouldn't want to take it right out of the fucking tire.
	Two treasure hunters are trying to divide items they retrieved from an undersea shipwreck.
	How does Slylock Fox suggest the quarreling shipmates arrange their split so that way each feels equally satisfied?
	Well, that's easy.
	They break each and every item in two, and they each take half.
	Hmm.
	Let's see.
	Anyway, we should.
	Well, let's see if you're right.
	Can you print out the sponsors tonight, Ryan?
	I think our ad sales guy is back.
	Yes.
	I don't know what's going on.
	Sladlock suggests one partner divide the items into two piles and the other partner be given first.
	That's how you split a cookie.
	That's like the problem with your retard kid ones is they're so simple that it's impossible to figure out how retarded they are.
	I see.
	Like everyone knows if you want to split something with someone, the other guy cuts it and then the other guy chooses.
	That's from like kindergarten.
	But way to take my totally cool thing and make it kindergarten.
	Yes, we'd like to thank our sponsors tonight.
	I think we have some new ones.
	Ryan, are they behind you?
	Yep, they're printing right now.
	Let's start with Nita Fashions.
	Haven't given them a shout out in a while.
	I usually wear a suit on the show, and when I wear a suit, don't worry about printing out the others until I'm done this readout.
	Focus on pulling up Nita Fashions.
	The way it works is you contact them.
	Now, there's a million ways you can do this, obviously.
	But what I'm noticing is the pattern with our Viewers, our subscribers, and that is they contact them on their Instagram page, they DM them.
	This is what the kids are up to today.
	And they say, Hey, I'd like to meet you online.
	And so they meet online and they set up a meeting where they get measured.
	And the guy's girlfriend, whatever, does all the various basic chest measurements, inseam, all that stuff.
	The next thing you know, they have like a blueprint of your body.
	And then you can start going through swatches, suits.
	I sent them a suit I saw in an old-timey picture and they made it.
	But once they have your blueprint, then they can make anything for you.
	A suit, a shirt, a cheap $50 shirt, a super thick, cool, high-quality $250 shirt.
	Whatever you want.
	You can have one suit, you can have 100 suits.
	Every time, almost every time you see me wearing a suit on the show, it's Anita Fashion Suit.
	And I got to say, it's one of the most comfortable experiences in the world to have a suit that is personally tailored to you.
	It feels amazing.
	What's going on with that second picture there with the black guy?
	That looks like a dress.
	Is he wearing a dress?
	He's obscured by a stump.
	Oh, you're banned from the internet.
	So I can't even click the picture.
	I thought you were going to use mine.
	I can log in with yours?
	I don't care.
	Oh, I see.
	There's a stump in the way.
	That would be funny if they just made a nice dress.
	You know, one time I was getting fitted for Need of Fashions, because they also, I didn't mention this, because the odds of it matching up with you are pretty low, but they also do these tours, whether in New York, Glasgow, fucking San Diego, San Jose,
	whatever.
	They're all over the world.
	And you go and get fitted for that.
	And then one time I was there and there was a woman there.
	And I was like, what are you doing here?
	Why do you guys always have to come to our things?
	And I said to the guys, I go, what's going on with her?
	And they go, oh, she wants like a custom skirt and stuff.
	And female clients are tough because they always want, you know, you to revamp it and they don't like the way it turns here and twists there.
	And I was like, it's like a woman showing up to a barbershop, which happens all the time.
	And you go, can we have, we don't want a lot of areas.
	We want barbershops, custom fittings with tailors, and dive bars.
	I think that's it.
	Yeah, I can live on that.
	That's all we ask.
	It's like the gays.
	We gave them Israel.
	We gave them the West Village.
	And then we see the East Village.
	They're all holding hands.
	And I'm like, no problem with the gays.
	I moved into the city when I was 18 in 1988.
	I've never not been around gays, but we gave you a quadrant.
	We gave you a zone.
	Christopher Street.
	And then you go to Hell's Kitchen, and it's feather boas and leather pants and holding hands.
	And you're like, wait, so now you have the lower west side, the lower east side, and the upper, sort of the upper east side.
	Sort of the southern upper east side.
	Like, guys, they just keep fucking spreading.
	And it's the same with women.
	Anyway, I'm not sure they'd like me shitting on brads in our Nita Fashions segment.
	They make a kilt.
	What?
	Would they make a kilt?
	I'm sure they can.
	Nice.
	Dude, I sent them a Jesse James suit and they made it.
	Sweet.
	So anyway, check out Nita Fashions.
	Make sure you drop our name for a discount.
	It's not really a specific thing, like 20% off if you say Gavin.
	It's more of a vibe.
	But they'll give you a good deal.
	And then once they have your blueprint, and they can, if you get fat or skinny, they can incorporate that.
	You just resize yourself.
	But then you just look at a swatch, you look at a shirt, you look at a suit, and then you just have them make it, and it arrives in the mail.
	It's fucking awesome.
	Wow, it's amazing how fast the first half hour goes.
	We're almost done.
	Did you see that chick, the pot chick, who brought the vape pens?
	People think she's a dude now?
	Oh, she got her.
	Brittany Grenier, gender, speculated after old Instagram image showing her to be a man goes viral.
	On sentencing day, she got her boots smoked.
	That might be cool if you get sentenced to a Russian prison.
	Some hot...
	Well, she doesn't like America.
	Yes.
	Well, she got nine years.
	Yeah.
	He got nine years, it looks like.
	Look at this guy.
	Did you hear his voice?
	No?
	Oh, she pled guilty to my charges.
	I understand everything that's being said against me, the charges that are against me, and that is why I pled guilty.
	But I had no intent to break any Russian laws.
	I never meant to hurt anybody.
	I never meant to put in jeopardy the Russian population.
	I never meant to break any laws here.
	I made an honest mistake, and I hope that in the room that it doesn't end my life here.
	That's like the guy that trains us.
	Ryan.
	Yeah.
	Similar.
	Similar vibes.
	I feel really bad for that guy, girl.
	Why?
	I don't know.
	It feels like nine years seems a little tough in a rush.
	Nine years is pretty nuts.
	That's fucked up.
	Playing on her basketball team just in America, she was making a quarter of a million dollars a year.
	She's in the 1%.
	But then she started petitioning that she's not going to stand for the next year.
	I get that.
	I get that.
	But do you want your political opponents to go to jail for 10 years?
	No.
	She's like everything.
	I hate her guts.
	Don't get her.
	You break the law and you get caught.
	I hate his guts.
	Let's go back to that tit pic.
	Is there any evidence of surgery?
	Is there a scar under that tit?
	I don't think there was.
	S-I-R.
	What?
	Sir?
	Jury?
	He puts the sir in surgery?
	And he got convicted by a jury, so sir, first jury.
	Ugh.
	I hate you tonight.
	But zoom in on that tit.
	What's a guy tit?
	Yeah, there's zero scarring there.
	That's a dude's.
	That's going to be Photoshop, though.
	It's kind of blurry in like the.
	Yeah, get closer.
	But you would have to have her.
	Right where her solar plex is?
	It's like kind of.
	It is a little blurry.
	But she'll be completely shirtless on Instagram?
	I believe nine years is extremely harsh for what she'd had.
	Right, but you know why they're doing nine years, so they could argue that we need the death merchant back.
	Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised.
	Biden's such a pussy.
	I wouldn't be surprised if not only do they get the death merchant back, the guy who was charged with trying to murder Americans, but they also get back another guy.
	He's only got 10 more years to do on his sentence.
	That guy.
	He got 25 years.
	Can you believe that?
	They'll give people life for drugs, for selling drugs in America, but this guy's supplying everyone all over the world.
	You convict him in Manhattan, and you give him 25 years.
	Yeah.
	Makes sense.
	That's why they gave nine years, because this other guy has 10 years left.
	It's symbolic.
	What?
	Yeah, it's like you give him 10 years, then I'm going to give her 10 years.
	I don't think symbolic is the word.
	They're trying to do a straight trade.
	Tip for tat.
	So it's, yeah, it's 10 versus 10.
	Symbolic.
	Like, just showcasing, you know, what I can do.
	That is not a woman.
	Yeah, no.
	The first time I saw that video, I was like, that's a guy.
	Kind of like.
	The body of a guy.
	Like, you know, a female's body.
	Yeah.
	Must be great, though, when you're a lesbian and you meet a chick and she has a penis and you're like, this is awesome.
	I hate dudes.
	I hate strap-ons.
	They're hard to find.
	You got to wash them.
	Does she have an Adam's apple there?
	Go back up like three seconds, Ryan?
	Go and see what I'm doing.
	Look at that.
	Oh, yeah.
	And I'm pretty.
	Just, come on.
	Go and see what I can do.
	And I'm pretty sure.
	Go and see what I can do.
	I'm really good at basketball.
	So empowering seeing women play basketball.
	Second reading of the day.
	The comments.
	Seems like a nice young fella.
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	Shell Shock CBD, new sponsor here.
	Nice.
	We've got the Rackout Gummies.
	Those put you to sleep.
	Had one of those the other night.
	Oh, yeah?
	That's a military term, rackout.
	Rackout.
	What does rackout mean?
	Rackout with rackout?
	I'm about to commence rack ups.
	You want to sleep?
	THC free?
	That's your red.
	They call it your rack.
	Oh, I see.
	I've noticed, too, when you take gummies to sleep, your dreams are fascinating.
	Like, bring the popcorn to bed.
	You're about to go on a wild ride, boys.
	I took one the other night to go to sleep.
	And were your dreams crazy?
	Yeah, they were very vivid.
	But I slept well.
	I think I only got it once.
	You can try one?
	I'm not going to try one now when I'm doing a show.
	Good point.
	You can try one.
	I tried one.
	It's THC free.
	So it's not going to mess me up.
	But they have Delta 8 and Delta 9 that I'm assuming will F you up.
	Okay, so that goes back to the end of the ad read, shellshocktocbd.com.
	Welcome aboard.
	Forward slash Gavin.
	Dude, I almost went to our local today.
	Guess what was going on?
	At the local?
	Yes.
	A. Joe Tonelli is back.
	Speaking his dumb shit.
	Really?
	Seriously?
	Seriously?
	Come on, Gavin.
	Really?
	Really?
	He's back as a patron or an employee?
	A patron.
	I mean, yeah, yeah, patron.
	Talking to Abigail, who it looks like she's going to the Academy Awards in the Caribbean and is a drag queen.
	She's hard on the eyes.
	First of all, she's hideous, but she dresses like a fucking weirdo drag queen.
	Five-inch diletto heels, red leather short shorts.
	Her hair's in a bun with jewelry on the bun.
	And here's the, and I don't have a problem with any of that.
	I'm ugly.
	I'm fine.
	But the fucking perfume hits the ceiling fans, and we're all dying.
	Reliah Bill was literally in tears.
	His eyes were watering.
	Yeah.
	He stumbled out of there.
	So she's sitting down talking to Joe Tonelli in her weird, super formal gear.
	Like, what?
	Why do you dress like a drag queen at the Academy Awards?
	It's a dive bar.
	You're 40 minutes from Yonkers.
	She takes an Uber.
	Why'd you take an Uber?
	What are you doing like that?
	And if she's a Fed, why did they send the worst person in the world?
	As I said the other day.
	The only two senses she doesn't violate are taste and touch.
	So she needs to shit on a piece of sandpaper and rub it on my tongue, and then she will have hit all five senses in a bad way.
	Yeah.
	Can we not do this, please?
	Can we not do this?
	And then it gets worse.
	And then there's the Puerto Rican, or whatever he is, Italian Jew, Puerto Rican Jew, who plays all that weird yacht rock.
	I'm going back to Florida.
	And then sings his head off.
	He's got to be on Coke, that guy.
	He's on something.
	And he doesn't share.
	He's non-stop.
	And I didn't go in.
	I just heard from James that that's what's going on.
	I'm like, three strikes are out.
	I'm not going there.
	Yeah, I would have paid it.
	That would have been a hard no.
	Can't do it.
	Not going to do it.
	Would have been a hard no.
	To which and to whom, Mrs. Zoom.
	Man.
	Let's, we don't often cover actual news during this shit, but let's just for fun.
	We were talking about this with Kumi on Wednesday, have a look at some of these mascots ignoring kids.
	Because it seems like bullshit to me that a racist would work at Chuck E. Cheese or Sesame Place and be like, look, I like being a giant furry guy, but I'll tell you what, when these goddamn little piccolinis and these nigrettes come up to me,
	I ain't touching them for shit.
	Even though I got giant fur hands and I wouldn't really be touching them, I don't want them around me.
	I ain't no furry pedo.
	Fuck that.
	Get them the fuck away.
	Why are they even allowed at Sesame Place?
	I want an all-white Sesame Place.
	So obviously we know what's going on here.
	No one believes that for a second, not even the parents, but they see a lawsuit.
	So they go, I don't know.
	How much money I get?
	This could be $14 million.
	Do you know how many grits that is?
	That's a lot of money.
	You can get grits of shrimp then.
	What's this black?
	Okay, so stop.
	Stop.
	So I took my kids on a Disney cruise when my daughter was that age.
	You got to line up for a fuck ton of time to talk to these women.
	And then you see them and they move on.
	And when it's time for them to go, they get ushered away.
	It looks like this black chick showed up at the 11th hour demanding that she get a pick.
	But we'll see.
	They have a tight sketch.
	They got a very tight sketch.
	You got to get in line.
	Can't see it.
	Can't see it.
	Lauren.
	Lauren, walk back to the back of the line.
	She's got a normal name.
	How's it spelled, though?
	P X43-OMLAT at symbol.
	La LaRm.
	Guys on the left here look a little old to be getting autographs from.
	Well, you got to be careful who you mock with these things because you can be dealing with a special needs dude.
	Oh, right, right, right.
	So you're like, ha, you fucking fag loser.
	And then he's like, I don't agree with you.
	And you're like, oh, no, what am I done?
	He might be more stash.
	Go to the bat.
	Okay, got a picture.
	You waited in line.
	How there y'all go?
	Hey, what about that?
	Yeah, she's done her shift.
	Believe it or not, you showed up late.
	She walked off when she saw y'all, just like the Emo.
	Just like the Elmo.
	Excuse me, ma'am.
	You waved at everybody except for them.
	What is with that accent?
	Ain't this with the Sesame.
	Excuse me.
	She started this walking with the princess.
	Sesame.
	She waved at everybody except for them.
	Sesame, we don't understand you, ma'am.
	Is there a way you can scroll back and hear that bizarre new language?
	I cannot.
	Y'all see this?
	You walk past children.
	Yeah, the Elmo walked past all the black kids.
	Oh, great.
	Instill that in your children.
	Emo, she's hanging out with black kids she bumped into.
	Elmo did not walk past any children.
	That was my friend Telly.
	That was who?
	Sorry, Elmo?
	My friend Telly.
	He's a different color.
	Telly.
	Telly.
	And who's Telly a boy or a girl?
	Tell me's a boy.
	But you can be whatever you want to be.
	But was Telly a racist boy?
	No comment.
	Oh, so now it's coming out.
	So there is some truth to these stories.
	A lot of these guys are racist.
	One time he took Elmo aside and he said, Elmo, look over there in the Sesame Park.
	There's one, two, three.
	Never.
	He said that to Elmo.
	Oh, my God.
	Okay.
	So I was coming at this in a very cynical sort of this is bullshit.
	This is lawsuit stuff.
	But we've just spoke to a member of the Sesame Place family, a guy named Elmo, who speaks out of below his mouth.
	He speaks out of a hole in his chin.
	Yeah.
	And his contention is that, yes, some of them are pretty bad.
	So you sure was Telly?
	No.
	Yeah, it's the pink one in the top.
	Telly looks like he had the end card.
	Telly's got a very big nose.
	Telly can see it.
	Telly's Jewish, clearly.
	That looks like an Hasidic Jew.
	He's saying oive in that picture.
	Oi Ve.
	What?
	With the little kids, I can't even see them.
	I hate some shit.
	I'm a little bit...
	I'm still angry about Crown Heights.
	I should have stayed out with the...
	They call themselves the Black Hebrew Israelites.
	I don't agree.
	Oh, yeah, that's...
	All right, let's do 3-5.
	This might be the same one.
	This is the OG.
	This is what started the whole thing.
	Man, I didn't get what I want, so it's race.
	Meh.
	Remember that fun game I taught you?
	Pretend you're black for a day, and pretend that everything you see is a slight, and you will be shocked at how many things can be interpreted as anti-you because of your race.
	Cabs will go by.
	People will move their chair when you sit down.
	There's a whole myriad of things that have nothing to do with you or your race that you can interpret as that if you have this myopic obsession with everything being about you and your race.
	He looks for that one.
	Wait, this is a new one.
	I don't think I've seen this one.
	What is this?
	This trend?
	You don't like me enough.
	He wasn't putting his hand up.
	Yeah.
	I mean, they're dancing around that black girl.
	By the way, the black girl's not seemed, she's not participating.
	Not every single day.
	Wait, Let me watch that again.
	Watching that.
	Oh, cool.
	I'm allowed to.
	Like, one walks off, but I don't see where the slight is.
	Yeah, let's see the slight here.
	I love you, little white girl.
	That kid's spinning around.
	You see the kid's hand in the shadow.
	Yeah.
	Doing a high five.
	The black kid in the blue is doing his own thing.
	Right.
	Are they saying that you walk by the girl in the orange dress?
	Like, that's who was slighted?
	I don't even understand their argument with that one.
	But that's...
	Find me the telly one.
	Does that not work because you're kicked off Instagram?
	These guys are effectively hurting our show by killing my producers.
	Yeah, I tried.
	I tried to make another account, too, so that way I have it for the show, and I can't.
	They know it's me.
	Well, here, Maddie can see.
	Cool.
	And then maybe you can go to the next one.
	Ignores Child.
	Well, that was Legoland, so you got the Legoland one.
	I did not understand the Legoland one.
	Do you know the password?
	Oh, this one.
	Okay, I think this is the...
	That's not Telly.
	That's Zoe.
	Oh, it's so embarrassing that you know these names.
	I was a kid, and I went to the...
	They had Zoe when I was a kid.
	Yeah?
	But how do you remember that?
	It just came into me.
	I mean, when you're a kid, there's five things.
	There's Spider-Man, Elmo, and Zoe.
	Yeah, have you ever been to Canada's Wonderland?
	Oh, yeah.
	Love that place.
	It's fucking awesome.
	How do you remember it?
	Well, I don't remember the name of everyone there.
	Well, they don't remember the name of the venue.
	But they're not international.
	Look at it open it up.
	So look at this guy.
	Just excited to get a fucking paycheck.
	And then there's another one in there that's up there.
	Thanks, man.
	It's so, the only question I have is how much of this shit do you believe?
	Yeah, that's crazy.
	Go back to that black father.
	Is that a thing?
	Yo, it's so hard for us.
	You know, the year is 1938, and when we go to a park, a lot of these mascots are like, how the fuck did you get in?
	And the kids reach out.
	The kids don't know that they live in a racist society.
	So they reach out with their hands up, like, hello, Big Bird.
	And Big Bird goes, fuck, we never sh one time, Big Bird said, we should have picked our own cotton.
	And my little baby daughter, she came up to me, she said, what does that mean, Daddy?
	And I didn't have the heart to tell her that we used to be slaves in them lands.
	Slaves!
	Okay, what's going on here?
	Trying to log in.
	It's not letting me log in now.
	Try the one underneath it.
	There's two.
	I'll do that in a second.
	The only time we do a new segment on the live show, it's the fucking shit shit.
	Frasier says those groups are exercising their Second Amendment rights.
	Black Panther.
	I don't know what we're walking into tomorrow in such a rural area, but we do know that we have a group of individuals who will ensure our safety.
	Educator and broadcaster Will Mega, who's quoted in the flyers, is not involved in organizing the shutdown.
	He's asked the Pennsylvania Human Rights Commission to investigate Sesame Place.
	While he supports an economic boycott, he's urging people to leave the guns at home.
	I think children have been traumatized.
	Leave the guns at home?
	Don't kill.
	What's her name, Ryan?
	Zoe.
	Don't kill Zoe.
	I understand you're mad, but don't shoot the person in the suit.
	Please, let's have a moment of peace.
	Clearly, we talked about this before.
	What happened here is she high-fived the tall person and then went, shit, I wasn't supposed to do that because of COVID.
	I'm not supposed to high-five people.
	It was a reflex when the other person put their hand up.
	So then when the other two girls do it, she's like, sorry, I can't do high-fives.
	It's a thing.
	I might be able to hug you, but I can't do high-fives.
	I would suggest that you keep your children home and shoot Sesame Place in the pocket.
	Brady Goldner, CBS3.
	That's a metaphor.
	Shoot him in the pocket.
	Not a good choice of words, but...
	Go to Chuck E. Cheese.
	So don't shoot that mascot in the head.
	Shoot him in the crotch to the right of their pelvis.
	Another mascot is accused of racism.
	Mom rushes to claim costume worker at New York's Chuck E. Cheese, New Jersey Chuck E. Cheese.
	Have you ever been to a Chuck E. Cheese around the Bronx and shit?
	Never.
	It's all Mexicans and Muslims.
	It's not that black.
	And Muslims with like the Burqa thing, the whole deal.
	The hijab?
	The hijab?
	Burka?
	It's crazy.
	It's a place where...
	You know how they say new immigrants come to an area like the Lower East Side and then they work hard and they slowly move out to the suburbs?
	New immigrants come to Chuck E. Cheese and slowly work their way out.
	So what did this Chuck E. Cheese guy do wrong?
	This mouse?
	Yeah.
	That should be 3-7, yeah.
	All right, so what do you do here?
	Kids jumping up and down.
	Huh.
	What happened?
	Maybe I'm blind?
	Maybe you are allowed.
	I don't know.
	Yama.
	Hey!
	Saudi, right?
	Look, Ryan.
	White girl gets a hug.
	Black girl, if.
	She gets a hug.
	Maybe they've had problems with the parents and be like, what the fuck you doing hugging my baby, pervert-ass motherfucker?
	Probably.
	Yeah.
	Also, I don't know what he can see.
	I know.
	Those big fucking heads, they get that mesh inside.
	Yeah, he feels a hug and he's like, that seems like a hug.
	Okay.
	Hi, how are you?
	But here, like, think of the allegation.
	How's it going?
	Yo, you work a chuck of cheese?
	Yeah.
	But a lot of them black kids running around.
	Dude, it fucking sucks.
	Tell you what, though.
	I hug the white kids.
	I try to make my time, but I will never go through one of them Negroes.
	I will never touch them.
	I swear to God.
	You swear on your life, Cletus.
	I do.
	I swear to God, I don't touch them.
	I would never, ever.
	Why would a racist take that job?
	You dummies.
	And then, so this is blowing up, and everyone's petrified of getting sued.
	So now we have Toy Story, Disney Pixar, cucking through the roof, petrified of getting caught.
	And Ryan, you should be petrified of this not loading because you didn't figure out how to handle getting banned yet.
	You know what?
	Stop.
	Stop.
	Go back to the beginning of this because this is gloating.
	Woody is making sure Jesse doesn't get canceled next.
	And then a laughing emoji.
	So what I'm getting from Grindface, my favorite hood account, is we knew it wasn't racist.
	We was just fucking with you.
	We wanted to freak y'alls out.
	It's the new Puerto Rican lottery.
	So now they're laughing and gloating that they changed the dynamic.
	And this is what I always said about white people's fear of racism.
	They shoot at white people's feet and white people start dancing.
	And it's embarrassing.
	Just say, you know what?
	The mascot was obviously not trying to fucking avoid anyone.
	The mascot works with kids.
	In 2022, they're not going to be deciding which kids they don't want to touch.
	And it certainly won't be based on race.
	So that's a ridiculous allegation and we're ignoring it.
	Instead, what do they do?
	They issue statements and apologies and they tell their staff, if you see any black kids, trip over yourself to go hug them or we're all dead.
	See, it's so quick.
	Like a couple months ago, they were all behind Disney and Disney was behind all the LGBT, all these people.
	Now they're turning.
	Yeah, it doesn't pay off.
	Capitulation doesn't pay off.
	Just ignore these actions because they don't even believe it.
	The parents complaining about racism in these scenarios don't believe it for one second.
	They just want a paycheck.
	And they don't believe it because it's not true and they can tell what's true.
	So let's see Woody here fucking cuck his face off trying not to be part of this mythical trend Jesse I understood Jesse I understood Don't worry,
	I'll get her I'll get her don't worry I know you're black don't worry I'll here let me run over here Jesse, please please and then she runs over I Don't want to get in shit.
	I don't want to get fired.
	I love you.
	I love you.
	Okay, you're great What was Ryan's joke?
	Well, that's the music that should be playing.
	Oh.
	I guess the sad Toy Story music.
	I don't get your joke again.
	Well, it's just like, I don't know, it feels like strange things are happening to me.
	I was on top of the world, living high.
	He's right in my pocket.
	He's on a roll.
	You're like a senior citizen.
	You're like Shecky Green.
	That's funny.
	Or Foster Brooks or Jackie the Joke Man, but without the jokes.
	Jackie Martlin.
	Or without the man.
	That would have been the funny.
	And not being Jewish.
	So you're like Jackie the Joke Man if 100% of everything about him was removed.
	Is Jackie the Jane manager?
	You're like Jackie the Joke Man after a nuclear war.
	Are you sure Jackie's Jewish?
	Jackie Martling?
	Yeah.
	Martling?
	Who knows?
	No, Jackie Martin's different than Jackie.
	I've hung out with him.
	We've filmed shit with him.
	I don't know if he's Jewish, my sir.
	It's got to be.
	Martling.
	He makes lots of jokes and he has a big nose.
	True.
	Case closes.
	That's how it works.
	Last sponsor, we're going to go behind the paywall relatively soon.
	Did I forget my fucking computer again?
	Oh, for fuck's sake.
	Oh, my God.
	That's three shows in a row.
	By the way, tomorrow's show is pre-taped.
	I'm going out of town.
	And I talked about Alex Jones on it, but after we recorded it, Alex Jones was fined $4 million for denying Sandy Hook happened.
	So you can now be punished financially because of what you believe.
	You can be punished financially for what you believe.
	You can be punished financially for doubting something that happened.
	How many 9-11 truthers are there?
	How many people, how many Turks deny Armenian genocide?
	The Turks killed a million Armenians.
	The Turks deny it, including Shank Junger.
	However you say that stupid chink name.
	Jesus.
	He doesn't get fined $4 million.
	He does for freedom.
	Yeah, but people didn't harass anyone for denying the Armenian genocide.
	Okay, how is that Alex Jones' problem?
	Yeah.
	You can't control other people and their actions.
	I just sat here right now and denied that mascots at kids' things were racist.
	I'm denying something happened.
	If people were to harass the parents of these kids, do I got to pay them $4 million?
	You openly denied the HugoCost?
	Finally a good joke.
	Zing!
	But I'm...
	I feel like naked and afraid, and I just found a grub.
	Only took 45 minutes.
	Oh, Jesus.
	You know why all your friends are gone, Ryan?
	Because they're perceptive.
	Yeah.
	They saw the writing on the wall.
	That was one of my favorite Joe Tonelli jokes where, remember he was getting pussy for some weird little clip in time.
	It was literally three weeks.
	And we've known him for years.
	Really?
	And then he was getting laid all of a sudden.
	What?
	I think they found out he shits himself and he got canceled on all the social media apps, but whatever.
	And I go, what around that chip?
	I was talking about that.
	Karen that was around.
	What happened to her?
	No comment.
	And he goes, oh, didn't work out.
	And I go, oh, so she dumped you.
	Well, you know, neither was, you know, and I go, negative.
	No.
	It must be really painful, Joe, to be dumped by someone who's clearly so perceptive.
	And then I go piss.
	And as I'm pissing, I'm like, that was a good one, G-Dog.
	And then I come back out and he goes, I told you about my daughter.
	What?
	Yeah, she slid her wrist.
	She's in the bath.
	She got in the bath, slit her wrist, took her Xanax.
	She's in the hospital now, Arizona hospital.
	So you mock him, you enjoy it, and then he needs to get back into the credibility books.
	So he invents a dead relative or dying relative.
	And someone offered to buy him a plane ticket to go right to Arizona, right there on the spot, put his credit card on the bar, I believe, right?
	Well, that was for the grandson.
	Oh, who's on a respirator, who doesn't exist?
	He doesn't have a daughter, by the way.
	No, I know.
	Or a granddaughter.
	Can we not do this, please?
	Okay, so.
	Can we not do this?
	Last sponsor, Silky City Hot Sauce, the G-Sauce.
	I've been sort of saving this.
	It's an exciting announcement.
	I have my own hot sauce, the G-Sauce.
	We sold over 150 bottles so far, and there are only 500 bottles to grab.
	So that is basically a third have already been sold.
	We're 33 bottles away from a third.
	And Soak City Hot Sauce is...
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	Is it advertising?
	There we go.
	The G Sauce.
	What are they going for?
	A bottle?
	What?
	What are they going for for a bottle?
	$10.
	Pull it up.
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	Get a three pack for, what is that, $22?
	Shit.
	$27.
	G-Sauce is made by Silk City Hot Sauce.
	SilkCityHotSauce.com.
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	It's not brutal.
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	It's got a nice little sweet tang to it.
	I recommend it for tacos, burritos.
	I recommend it for ramen.
	It is a fun thing to have it with.
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	Wait, what?
	Sorry, what?
	Ryan, wanted to interrupt?
	What?
	No, it was me.
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	SilkCityHotSauce.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off.
	Maybe a certain guy with a cookie show.
	Can I propose something?
	I'm going to buy a couple of three-packs.
	You don't have to buy them.
	I'm going to ask you to sign them and we can auction them off and donate the money to Max and John.
	That's a great idea.
	I love it.
	Let's do it.
	And Miami Mike must be watching because he just hit me up on the phone and says, I want a three-pack.
	Okay.
	I'll get a case sent down.
	We'll do some freebies.
	So without further ado, let's hit the mailbag and start taking calls.
	And we're not going to cut off the free part yet.
	I don't think the free part should be the first half hour anymore.
	There's too much to get to.
	So let's do the thanks for calling interstitial.
	And then we can start taking calls.
	And then we'll also do the mailbag interstitial.
	And then we'll start taking mail.
	You are on the air.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You don't need to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	Bye-bye.
	I've been saying that non-stop about everything.
	Yep.
	It's great.
	Hey, there's a Ferentimore lizard that's going extinct in Japan.
	Bye-bye.
	Home to mommy.
	So my grandmother's done with her vacation.
	She's heading back home.
	Bye-bye.
	Bye-bye.
	So you guys out of here?
	You're leaving?
	Looks like you already paid your check.
	Bye-bye.
	I'm out of here.
	Bye.
	Home to mommy.
	She probably likes it.
	Bye-bye.
	Bye, everybody.
	It's insane.
	Bye-bye.
	He's a Sesame Street character.
	I hope he is.
	He isn't mean to black kids.
	That was right out of Sesame Place.
	Amazing.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird.
	Talking about big bird on the bottom.
	Please.
	So, yeah, now the phone lines are open.
	We'll let those accumulate.
	We also have the super chat where we take money for Max and John.
	There should be a column, though, Ryan.
	Don't you think?
	Like other super chats, Maddie and I can be split to a third of what we are.
	And then there can be just a column that's going up.
	And then you having to frame each one and put them up, and it covers our face.
	That's half-assed and shitty.
	Let's see if we could happen.
	Isn't that how those Twitch things work?
	Yeah, it should be like the Twitter that's all on the right.
	It should be Twitchy.
	I've never really been on that, so I don't know.
	Do you ever play video games?
	No.
	I haven't played video games since ColecoVision and television and the original Atari.
	Yeah.
	When did you last play video games, Ryan?
	Last night.
	No, certainly not.
	I don't remember.
	Last it was, I think, Hitman.
	I played the demo for this game Hitman.
	It's like you're a sneaky guy and you have to kill.
	So how sneaky guy.
	How long ago?
	It was like it only let you play like 30 minutes.
	By the way, he's furiously working on his bangs and the camera's not even on him.
	They look odd today.
	But the question was, how long ago?
	I understand.
	Maybe like.
	I'm just telling you, while this question goes, he's at a hair salon.
	Before we moved.
	So, two weeks ago?
	Something like that?
	Okay, are you ready to showcase your new bangs you just fluffed?
	No, they're not ready yet.
	Well, let's see.
	I'd rather not.
	No, do it.
	They're not ready.
	Do it.
	This is the Kill Ryan episode.
	Fucking show your fucking face.
	Happy.
	You have Herpme too.
	I'm not.
	You are Herpes.
	I have Ryan.
	Not anymore.
	So yeah, let's get the Super Chat set up.
	We don't have to read the $5 ones.
	We read the $100 ones for sure.
	You left them out of the Hot Young Conservative for some reason.
	Morgan Ziegers and Brett Cooper.
	Female Ben Shapiro.
	Oh, I remember Brett Cooper.
	Yeah, she's attractive.
	Morgan Ziegers, I don't really remember.
	Is she the one with the funny nose?
	I'm not sure.
	I got to say, I fucked up by sleeping on Amanda Milius and Ashton Witty, but I didn't miss a lot of them.
	She's very nice.
	She's a beautiful young lady.
	I don't feel like I'm a loser for not having her in the hottest chicks in the new right.
	And Bet Cooper, I feel the same way.
	Wonderful gal, solid seven.
	I had to do the 10 most scorching hot new right chicks.
	Was Tommy Lahern on there?
	No, because what has she done for me lately?
	It had to be modern.
	I did mention Tommy.
	We had a whole like Gilson Milf section.
	And that's why Amanda Milius got let off because she's slightly older.
	She's not a mom, but I was like, does she really fit in with like the Isabellas and the Gina Carbone and all these other young girls?
	But she's definitely, I mean, if I had to choose a wife, I'd probably start with Amanda Milius.
	Who's that one on Gutfield?
	Cat or something with the glasses?
	Cat Tymph.
	Yeah, I'm not feeling it.
	There's something about her.
	I'm not feeling it at all.
	No?
	I could dig it.
	The glasses seem fake.
	I don't know.
	I know her well.
	You have that image in your head of girls with glasses.
	Yeah.
	I've never been sexually attracted to her in any way, shape, or form.
	I don't know why.
	Maybe because when I met her, she had a boyfriend, and I was hoping that they would get back together.
	I mean, sorry, they would get married and stuff.
	So I came at her as like the dating guy.
	Not that I would have fucked her if she wasn't doing that.
	She looks better with dark hair.
	Yeah, I know.
	And this is just one guy.
	I'm sure there's a hundred dudes jerking off right now, freaking out.
	I'm not saying that I'm correct.
	To us?
	I'm just saying, yeah.
	I'm just saying that this is my personal opinion.
	Yeah.
	Mike's on, fellas.
	We got calls, and we've got calls in a really big way.
	We got 206 here on the licks.
	Go ahead, 206.
	Hey, Gavin, the guru.
	The guru.
	Hey, so comedically, who is funnier?
	Nick Mullen or Sam Hyde?
	Thanks for calling.
	Sam Hyde.
	Yeah.
	Gavin, have you ever discussed with him or consider giving Tommy Robinson a show?
	Dude, are you fucking retarded?
	How many of these messages are we going to get?
	You think Tommy Robinson is clamoring to get a show on my network and I'm like, meh, I don't know.
	No.
	Obviously, I would eat a mile of shit just to get to his ass.
	Same with Sam Hyde, same with anyone.
	And, you know, like I was talking earlier about some fantasy where we made this super network that had Daily Wire and Compound and the Blaze and all this shit.
	Everyone has that fantasy.
	It's not possible.
	You'd have to pay like Ben Shapiro a billion dollars to make this super network.
	And even then it would fall apart and fragment.
	I might be able to get Alex Stein, maybe, but that's just because he's a fan of mine.
	But this whole idea of like, you should get the Rolling Stones to play your birthday party.
	Thanks for the tip.
	That would be cool.
	Hitler was a jerk is a Norm McDonald bit.
	I believe he was talking about a mass murderer.
	And I came up with Hitler was a jerk in 2008.
	In fact, it was a street carnage shirt.
	So yeah.
	I can prove I came up with that before him.
	$100 super chats get red.
	Can you please explain in detail the method slash technique for making a boy?
	My buddy's about to have his fourth girl and desperately needs her help.
	Chris, okay.
	Let's do it.
	Pogie style.
	We had a leg day at the gym the other day.
	My legs aren't what they used to be.
	Boom.
	So, and my knee hurts from being thrown from that Jeep.
	Look, it's all bruised up, too.
	Look at that.
	It looks like it hurts.
	It's not bad now.
	You want a little cheese with that wine?
	I never heard that one before.
	Quit your greeting, son.
	So this is normal doggy style, right?
	And you go in a normal amount, and it's good because it doesn't feel too great, so you can usually last longer than you want.
	The problem with the plunge is it feels too good because you're going soup to nuts, balls to nuts, pubes to nuts, balls to nuts.
	You're going balls.
	So it goes way too deep to last, right?
	If you're doing this, you're going like room, it's going right up into her throat.
	Now, that's bad for lasting, but it's great for sperm because sperm has to be dropped off right at the front door.
	So you fuck her in standing doggy, you do the deep plunges, and then when you jizz, you hold it there until like the pubes are meshed together and your fucking nuts are like upper ass.
	And then when you're done, you fill her up with the jizz and you hold it there, deep, deep, deep as you can.
	And then you don't pull out, you fall forward onto her like a collapsing lawn chair.
	And then you still hold it there.
	So you jizzed, you're still squatting.
	1, 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, 4, 1,000.
	Then you fall down with her.
	You're both collapsed lawn furniture.
	And then still, it's 1, 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, 4, 1,000, 5, 1,000, 6, 1,000, 7, 1,000, 8, 1,000, 9, 10, 1,000, 11, 1,000, 12,000, 3.
	15 seconds.
	Now you can pull out and lie on your back.
	Does she have to go in a corner and do a handstand for like 30 minutes?
	No, you already took care of all that.
	All right.
	The boys are at the front door.
	My next kid, I'm going to try that.
	All right, should we take a call?
	Yep.
	Sure.
	631, you're on the run.
	Go ahead there, Long Island.
	What do you say to us?
	Frank Rizzo.
	How's it going?
	Frank Rizzo.
	What's up, Frank Rizzo?
	Frank Rizzo, open your fucking ears, jackass.
	Man, oh, man.
	Okay, we're ready.
	What do you got?
	Yes, the voice?
	Yeah, Frank Rizzo.
	Yeah, you were the mayor of Philadelphia for a while?
	Ah, get the fuck out of here.
	Worked on race cars for 18 years, all right?
	Can you drive a truck?
	What's that?
	Can you drive a check?
	Can you drive a truck?
	Let me get to my question here.
	The whole Chucky Chief, the Chuck E. Cheese thing, you ever think about the possibility that the poor person works there, possibly to work in the cahoots?
	You ever think about that?
	Oh.
	Nice one.
	It's all scandalous.
	Set everybody up just to make a bunch of million dollars, all right?
	Now are they smart enough to talk about it?
	Tell us what you think, sir.
	Figure it out for yourself.
	That's a good angle.
	I never thought of.
	But the problem with that is if the guy in the suit is black, that's going to come out.
	And doesn't that kill their case?
	Yeah, no shit.
	Who else works to Chuck E. Cheese?
	A bunch of black people.
	Come on.
	Okay, so why would Chuck E. Cheese settle if the alleged racist is a black man?
	Well, they're all brothers.
	I mean, come on, what the fuck are we talking about?
	Yeah, I don't think they would out them as black.
	They wouldn't be like.
	Or they would out them as black if they're looking at paying $14 million.
	I guess the lawyer would have to ask what color.
	It's all divided amongst the whole neighborhood.
	I mean, it's pretty easy to recognize, huh?
	Yeah, sorry, Frank.
	Your story just fell apart.
	I mean, what do you think you can possibly get from that?
	What are the damages?
	A million bucks.
	Really?
	Sure.
	Here's the problem with all lawsuits.
	It goes to the jury.
	The jury hates you.
	They love fighting racism and they overcompensate.
	Like fucking Alex Jones.
	Alex Jones was wrong about Sandy Hook.
	Okay, take me to wrong jail.
	But the jury hates him.
	We'll talk about this on tomorrow's show.
	I have a feeling.
	And there's so much vitriol from the left towards Alex Jones.
	I think it's because he's successful and right-wing, and that really pisses them off.
	And they can't hurt him because he's been canceled and barred and ostracized, and he just keeps on coming.
	And it drives them nuts.
	New York City cockroach can't kill him.
	Yeah, why can't I destroy Alex Jones?
	So now that he's got this thing, they're like...
	Their whole thing is like, you'll have fun in jail.
	Of course, the raping in jail.
	Hey, Trump, don't bend over for the soap.
	Yeah, but you would never go to jail for a civil suit.
	Well, what they think is that he'll incriminate himself by committing perjury in the civil suit, and then they'll have a new trial.
	Right.
	I changed my mind.
	I no longer have that thought.
	Ryan, don't skip over this question again.
	Is the retard coming with you when you move to South Carolina, or are you abandoning him just like his father did?
	Oh, I thought they were talking about me.
	Well, this is hard because once again, the baby monsters have some sort of grammar deficiency.
	Ryan, comma, don't skip over this question again.
	Semicolon, Gavin, is the retard coming with you when you move to South Carolina?
	Like, obviously, he doesn't mean Ryan.
	So you start out the question with Ryan, and then you change the subject with a couple of dashes.
	Fuck you.
	And yes, Ryan would be coming with me.
	What else is going to do?
	Join the military?
	I'm joining the damn...
	Wait, what is it?
	Military school with the goddamn Finkelstein shit, Kid.
	Remember that from Teaching Chong's Up and Smoke?
	Nope.
	What?
	Can't say that I'm not.
	I haven't seen Up and Smoke since 1979.
	Oh, for Frick's Pete.
	I don't think Maddie's coming, though, is he?
	I remote ties to New York now.
	Really?
	Oh, shit.
	Party.
	What about your whole heart shit?
	I travel for doctors.
	They got doctors on there.
	South Carolina's not far.
	Wow.
	It's cheaper to live.
	I always assumed you had.
	I've been planning the last couple of years because, believe it or not, it's a big month this month.
	The 30th of August, I'll be five years diagnosed with my heart condition.
	74% of the people that get my condition are dead by now.
	Whoa.
	So I'm ahead of the game.
	This is all gravy.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's all gravy now.
	So, like I said, my son, when I was younger, my son wanted to get for him to graduate high school and stuff like that, be around.
	But now he's 27.
	He's going to Florida or Rhode Island.
	I was thinking about Virginia because I got family there, my older brother, and I have friends there.
	But I don't care.
	Meet Virginia.
	Is your son going to hook up with that chick that he was dating?
	Yeah, yeah, they're still going together.
	It's funny, they were at my house last night.
	He went to Vegas today.
	I was kind of mad at him.
	He goes, yeah, I just got back from the city.
	I had to get a suit made.
	I go, you got a custom suit made?
	He goes, yeah.
	I go, why didn't you tell me?
	Yeah, we could have done what he did.
	He was going to...
	Right.
	He's in a wedding party.
	Dude, you have a custom suitman in New York.
	It's like five grand.
	Well, it wasn't that much.
	He went on the cheap side.
	He's Scottish.
	Right.
	He's a true Scottsman.
	He squeaks when he walks.
	But he's left for Vegas today.
	He comes over to borrow money.
	Well, I told him it's his birthday money.
	He goes, yeah, I got a four GT 500 reserved and a Lamborghini Hurricane when I get there.
	To rent?
	Yeah, to drive while he's out there.
	I didn't even know you could rent those.
	Yeah.
	It's probably something ridiculous like $2,000 a day, 50 cents a mile.
	Yeah.
	My son's not too bright, but he loves cars.
	But yeah, he was pissed off.
	I was like, you should have fucking told me you needed a custom suit.
	I said, there's a sponsor on the show.
	I would have told you to go to Nita Fashions.
	But it's too late now.
	Have you ever ridden in a Lamborghini?
	I've been in them.
	The guy we started the Garden stores with, he had Huracana.
	They're a nightmare.
	They're terrible.
	You're basically lying on the ground.
	You could probably drive under most cars.
	And every bump is a pain in the ass, literally.
	It's not hard to have in New York.
	No.
	Maybe out in the desert.
	Yeah, maybe on the Bonneville Salt Flats or in Dubai.
	So I told him, don't kill yourself in the cars that you rent.
	Let's do an email.
	Oh, wait, wait, let's end this.
	So we've talked to people on the phone.
	We've shown the thingama Doodles.
	You probably get the idea with the mailbag, right?
	Let's do one mailbag and then we'll say goodbye.
	Should we mention the shows?
	Yep.
	We just did the lower 30.
	Did you put the bumper up?
	Yep.
	People need to hear that.
	Tinyurl.com censored live.
	We've got a New York date now in November.
	We've got Vegas coming up September 10th.
	We've got Dallas.
	What's that?
	September 23rd or 4th?
	23rd.
	Lots of exciting shit coming up with these comedy shows.
	Don't be swear.
	Be there.
	So let's do one call and then we'll, I mean, sorry, one letter, Ryan.
	Make sure it's purple.
	We've got one letter all set up.
	Just a picture.
	Kick Prowboys out of your neighborhood.
	It's funny because that was obviously a reinterpretation of like a Nazi thing.
	Yep.
	But it's a really good drawing.
	Well done.
	And it's funny because that was probably made like during the punk years as a fuck you to Nazis, which is like my culture.
	And Proud Boys are my culture.
	So you took my culture and turned it in on itself.
	Fuck you.
	And get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	He's a fucking comedian, like a factor comedian.
	He's the co-founder of my fucking other vagina, you gross bitch.
	You got big fucking pigs.
	I watched that and I said, this bitch's too retired to fucking do it.
	They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.
	This is the part of Seth that's gonna get real mean before I leave.
	Wow.
	No more filthy.
	You king.
	They think we want to tell those kind of jokes.
	I can't do it.
	I do.
	Tom, coming back.
	You here?
	Yeah.
	I'll get you.
	Shot?
	The only booze we have is that stupid...
	Yeah.
	He's like, yo, I've been handling all the other cops overtime, and they give me booze, and it's just piling up.
	So I'll bring some by.
	I was like, wow, thanks.
	Free booze.
	I don't know what he is.
	Sergeant, captain, whatever?
	I think sergeant.
	Last time I knew, unless he got promoted.
	Sergeant.
	So he brings me the booze, but it's like the booze that he doesn't want.
	So it's like this angel wings rye, which looks pretty good.
	And then it's got this peanut butter rum shit in it.
	And you're like, oh, I get it.
	All chemical tasting.
	You're bringing me the fucking discharge.
	It's almost as bad as that Jameson orange.
	Oh, yeah.
	Nicole was recommending that today.
	She was pushing that.
	Like Billy was.
	No, she was today.
	Yeah.
	I had to try at least once.
	I was with Big John, and she's like, oh, yeah.
	And he's like, I turned him on to Telemore Dew.
	He's like, oh, this is great.
	I love it.
	And she goes, yeah, well, you should try Jameson Orange.
	What?
	How do you get Jameson Orange out of Telemore Dew?
	No.
	Yeah, that's more like Telemore Don't.
	I went to, you know, Gavin, did I tell you I went to Sesame Street?
	You should go there and organize that community, Obama.
	Yeah, you didn't tell me you went to Sesame Street.
	Yeah, I did.
	I went there.
	I was looking for a hug from Telly.
	And he skipped me by.
	High five and white kids.
	That's the problem here.
	Yeah.
	I'm Emo Obama.
	I'm Obimo.
	My chemical romance is pretty good.
	I would say the odds are pretty high that the mascots are black because blacks seem better at, and Puerto Ricans seem better at handling high temperatures.
	And it must be hot in those suits.
	Us Scottish people, us Scots-Irish, we couldn't last.
	I didn't even see Orlando in the middle of the summer in that thing.
	I literally cannot.
	I mean, I would start.
	You know how those people, the parents, helped discover a cure for Lou Gehrig's disease because they were so worried about their son who was dying.
	And I think they came up with the name and everything.
	If I worked in one of those places as a mascot, I would be up all night developing AC fans with car batteries that go in my feet and all kind of like that would be my life's work to make it cool in there.
	But what's that super chat that was about them releasing a statement?
	Sesame Plays released an explanation.
	Said the mascot was waving no to someone in the crowd who asked the mascot to hold their baby.
	Person didn't mean ignore the kids.
	Probably didn't even see them.
	That's true.
	That fucking mascot.
	Imagine being such a shitty parent that you want some mascot to hold your baby.
	That always bugged me when I had babies.
	People are like, oh my God, he's adorable.
	Let me hold.
	And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	No, you can look at him and stuff, but you're not picking him up and walking around.
	That's a thing.
	It's not a puppy.
	You can't grab it and leave me.
	Shiny new object.
	Yeah, I'll stab you.
	What if they asked to hold Levering?
	Please hold him all the way home.
	I just gave him a doggy style for the weekend.
	Oh, nice.
	Got calls.
	We got...
	765.
	You're on the live.
	Oh, hey there, 765.
	Hello?
	How you guys doing?
	Hey, man.
	I wanted to call about this cop that was shot this week over in Indiana by this black gentleman.
	And when they searched the guy's apartment.
	Hey, can I just interrupt you?
	Can I interrupt?
	Literature.
	Good.
	Of course, the media is not really talking about it, and I doubt the guy will get charged with any hate crimes.
	I'm glad that racist cop died.
	That black dude was cleaning up the guy that if he ever gets pulled over by the cops, he's going to shoot him after getting released for shooting up.
	So he's a man of his word.
	Got a problem with integrity.
	Heartbroken after rookie officer.
	Oh, I hate when it's a rookie.
	I thought you guys want to look at his story.
	It's pretty fucking good.
	Dude, we want to joke around and keep this informative, but your fucking phone line is insane.
	I don't think your mic's on, Gav.
	Oh, shit.
	That's why he couldn't hear me.
	He was just ignoring you.
	I thought that guy was kind of rude.
	I didn't even hear about it.
	24-year-old Noah Shavana Raza's death prompts criticism of prosecutor judges.
	Let's see the video.
	Let's see the video.
	That's at the top.
	But okay, there's a new that one too.
	No, that's a separate thing.
	Why don't you start at the top with the first video that's at the top?
	That's what normal humans do.
	Ah.
	Say a simple order of operation.
	Yeah.
	The Elwood, Indiana community is remembering 24-year-old rookie police officer, an Army veteran.
	That was a short article.
	Noah Shahnavaz, who was shining in the Travener studio for us on this.
	And Brian says, this is Mayor Adams and Governor Coleman.
	Sandra, that's exactly right.
	It would appear that New York's Democratic power duo is not terrible.
	It's exhausting.
	No.
	Let's try again.
	Holy fuck, you are human AIDS.
	Click the button.
	All right, so we give up.
	I wish I could know what happened to this poor guy starting a 20-year career.
	If he's 24, he's probably like a year in at best.
	Maybe there are spidey senses Noah Shahnavaz, who was shot during a traffic stop over the weekend as his suspected killer now faces murder charges.
	Doug Carter is an Indiana state police superintendent and joins me now to remember this fallen hero, Superintendent Carter, just 24 years old, Army veteran turned police officer.
	What is your message this morning on this?
	Well, this is pervasive all the way around this country.
	I saw this in the coverage that you had earlier from Chicago.
	And until prosecutors, judges say enough and mean it, this is going to continue.
	What is Elwood, Indiana like?
	Is it surprising that something like this would happen there?
	It is, Carly.
	It's a very small community about 25 miles north of Indianapolis.
	And it's very, very unusual for something like this to happen in that part of Indiana.
	But Noah didn't have a chance after he stopped that vehicle.
	And that suspect exited that vehicle and shot almost 30 rounds into his vehicle.
	It's just unbelievable to me what's happening to the very fabric of our nation because of violence.
	And that's why police officers.
	And the lack of respect for human life.
	Absolutely.
	And that's why police officers say there's no such thing ever as a routine traffic stop.
	Now, the man suspected of shooting Officer Sean, he's being charged with murder, possession of a firearm by a violent felon, resisting law enforcement, as well as two enhancements for the use of a firearm and being a habitual offender.
	So in those charges alone, we learned that this guy is, one, a violent felon and a habitual offender, which I'm sure is something that you run into all the time, and it's a huge problem.
	It is a huge problem, man.
	This suspect, and he is right now a suspect.
	All right, we go.
	Has an extensive criminal record to go.
	But it didn't give any premise of like what was to stop for?
	Why?
	Broken taillight.
	I didn't even hear about it.
	Let's take another call.
	760.
	Go ahead, Dash 760.
	What up?
	What up?
	Hey, so I'm a little behind on shows, so if it's been covered already, just like stop me.
	But Ryan, your vest that you wore in last week's episode, when you knocked it, it sounded steel.
	Is it steel or ceramic?
	Wouldn't you like to know?
	Yes, that's why I'm calling.
	I believe it's steel, sir.
	Ceramic ones are really expensive, and I heard they shatter.
	Well, that's what that's.
	For your longevity, sir, I would advise, like, you know, just looking at ceramic because that's falling, dude.
	Turn your jackass into a one-ton soup.
	Oh, man, that would suck.
	Wait, what's going on with the steel?
	Steel, the bullets can ricochet and go up.
	Oh, shit.
	Yeah.
	So the shrapnel, like, blows back in your face, and it'd be good.
	Also, the ceramic, it absorbs the energy when the bullets hit it and impact it, shatters it, spreads it out across.
	So is that good or bad?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's good.
	I mean, here's a guy.
	I understand if you're wanting like stab-proof too, but like, and ceramic's pretty stab-proof as it is.
	But just for your safety, it's more like a bunch of stuff.
	Ceramic is stab-proof too?
	Yeah.
	It's funny how people call Prowboys LARPers for wearing these plates.
	It's like, no one's shooting at you.
	Why are you wearing plates?
	Because they're stabbing me.
	Remember Noble Beard?
	He said, I thought someone was punching me in the back, and then I got home and there's big gouges out of my plates.
	Like a traditional soft body armor like the police wear every day?
	That's not stab-proof.
	Knife go right through it like butter.
	Oh, really?
	100%.
	Anyways, thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling.
	Thanks for watching.
	Thanks for the tips.
	That's the first thing I said to you when I touched it, right?
	Yeah.
	Because the bullets can ricochet up as well as fragment.
	Oh, the fragments of the bullet can shoot up and hit you.
	Because I don't think that's a pretty thick plate.
	Unless you're shooting with it like a fucking 50.
	But, hey, anything can happen.
	But so the ceramic's better?
	That's why it's so expensive.
	How much is a ceramic plate?
	I just remember it being out of our price range at the time.
	Okay, so what's the ballpark?
	Let's see.
	Why are you playing music?
	When Bullet Hits the Bone.
	Your musical vocabulary to die.
	Imagine that's your go-to song.
	It says Bullet Hits the Bone.
	Yeah, but of all the songs, like, I was around when that song came out.
	Yeah.
	Watching that MTV.
	It sucked.
	Golden Earring in a church.
	Oh, you just smoked me.
	Poison arrow through my hole.
	Oh, that's a jam.
	I remember being about like 11 or whatever that song came out going, I'm a kid, but I can tell this band sucks.
	So what do you got?
	Let's see.
	Ceramic.
	550?
	Is that $9.99 or $99?
	I can't see.
	I don't have my glasses on.
	I can't see which one's ceramic.
	Ceramic.
	Top.
	Top.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Right there.
	How do you miss that?
	Ceramic body.
	You type in ceramic.
	It's the top 1,000 ceramic, and you're like, I don't see it.
	It looked like...
	Ours level 4 ceramic body.
	What do you mean it looked like not what I expected?
	Because I've seen ceramic plates, and it doesn't look like a seat pad.
	But I guess that's it.
	It doesn't look like a seat pad.
	Yeah, this has a coating on it, like a jacket.
	Yeah, because it's like a ceramic toilet bowl?
	No, I've seen ceramic plates.
	Okay.
	Google image ceramic plates just so we can see what you were so confused by.
	Yeah, they don't have fabric and a logo on it.
	Well, yeah.
	It's a company branding things that they sell.
	Like, you're at a site that's selling things.
	They're not going to brand it.
	Look, Strike Face, that has branding on it.
	Anyway, what am I trying to get in this guy's brain?
	So it already comes like segmented.
	That's cool.
	Is it lighter?
	It's probably lighter.
	That's right.
	It can be heavy.
	But either.
	We got 740.
	Go ahead there, 740.
	Hello.
	Hello, what's going on?
	Hello?
	Hey, is this Gavin McCampus?
	Yes, it is.
	That don't impress me much.
	Ah, shit.
	Hey, man, just real quick.
	I don't think I've ever heard you talk about this.
	Are you familiar with...
	Well, there's the Budweiser, like, Gold Nitro, and then I think they just came out with Budweiser Supreme.
	I don't know if you've tried either of those, but like to merge for those would be pretty sick with the black and shit.
	I have no idea what you're talking about.
	So Budweiser Gold?
	There's one called, it's kind of an older one.
	It's called Budweiser Gold Nitro, I think, or Nitro Gold.
	And then they just came out with a new one called Budweiser Supreme.
	I think that's their version of Bud Light Platinum.
	What does that mean?
	Is it less alcohol?
	Is it more?
	Is it more?
	Usually with that type of stuff, I think it's more.
	Like, they like to make it stronger.
	Like, Bud Light Platinum is like 6%.
	I think normal Bud Light's like 4.5 or some shit like that.
	Huh.
	5%.
	I don't like fucking with that stuff because you just end up getting way more wasted.
	We've already got it down to a formula.
	Why are they messing with it?
	I guess young guys, they want to get...
	I'm going to get king of beers for nothing.
	They want to get blitzed early.
	But I'm trying to get not blitzed.
	Wow, it's classy design, though, isn't it?
	Yeah, that's what I was saying.
	Dude, like a shirt or something that would be fucking sick with Ty Black or whatever.
	Yeah.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling, man.
	No, no, I said it first.
	Let's look up some merch.
	I guess some Budweiser swag.
	Do they have Budweiser Supreme merch?
	T-shirt?
	I would imagine.
	I don't like grown men having shit on their shirt, but there's certain things you can have on your shirt.
	Oh, that's fancy.
	Like beer.
	You can have a place on your shirt, Acapoco.
	What else can you have on a shirt as an adult?
	NASCAR.
	Sports teams are fine.
	Bands are really the issue.
	And then as far as like, don't ask me, I'm retired, that's okay.
	But nothing cool.
	A grown man, meaning anyone over 30, can't have a thing on his shirt that's like a skull.
	Isn't regular Budweiser 5.0?
	I believe so.
	Let's see.
	ABV?
	I find it really hard to find the booze content on Buds.
	5%, yeah, this is 5%.
	So I guess it's just...
	5% or Zoe?
	Just a different smoothness.
	Or something like that.
	All right, let's read a letter.
	Can't you?
	Because I forgot my computer.
	Abby Shapiro is a 10, you effing guy.
	Abby Shapiro's a 10?
	Come on.
	Yeah, you're retarded.
	Unless you're addicted to tits.
	I'm addicted to tits.
	Outside of her fantastic tits, which I'm really bored of people talking about all the time.
	That's so lame.
	Probably gives a good head, though.
	To constantly talk about Ben Shapiro's tits like it's some sort of gotcha.
	I mean, Ben Shapiro's sister's tit.
	That's a 10.
	It's not a 10.
	Oh, you fucking nuts.
	The tits, look, look, she's normally like a 5.6, and the tits bring her up to a 6.6.
	Not even.
	But she's not a 10, dummies.
	She's got a weird-shaped face.
	Looks like my friend Matt.
	Me?
	She's like my friend.
	No, you're Matt E. That's...
	What the?
	I mean, I'd give her a quick 30-rab it, don't get me wrong, but.
	Oh, she's way hotter than any chick I could get.
	Let's make that clear.
	We're still trying to get one.
	But, no.
	Got another call or we got another letter?
	Let's do a call.
	All right.
	And where are the super chats?
	They're coming up.
	And why don't we explain how people can do the talking thing?
	You guys can have Raid Shadow Legends sponsor the show.
	What is that?
	Sounds gay.
	Sounds like a video game.
	Raid Shadow Legends?
	Oh.
	Let me see.
	Sounds like something I don't like.
	Sounds like a phone game with in-ept purchases.
	That sounds like something like Grand Theft Auto video game.
	This looks terrible.
	A dragon.
	Oh, like someone tricking us into getting a free ad on the show.
	Sir, do you work for Raid Shadow Legend?
	No, thank you.
	That looks terrible.
	The gameplay looks like shit.
	Fuck off.
	Stop advertising it.
	Let's take a call and do super chats.
	Okay, here's a $10 one up over your shoulder, and here's a call coming in hot.
	952, you're on the loo.
	Oh, you're counting my pussy, you fucking asshole.
	What's going on?
	What's going on, guys?
	That was Ama from Malta said that in 2000.
	No, in 1995.
	1995.
	That's when I was born.
	Holy shit.
	That's when I was born.
	I am old, yes.
	27 years ago.
	Been around the block.
	Yeah.
	Well, so what's your question?
	Okay, thanks for calling.
	All right.
	No, don't hang up on him.
	I was just saying.
	Don't hang up.
	I told Ryan not to hang up on you.
	I said, thanks for calling as a joke.
	But what can I do you for?
	Well, I was wondering.
	He's listening to the show.
	What?
	Best way to please your wife?
	Best way to please your wife?
	Please your wife.
	I can't hear him.
	What's going on with your phone, dude?
	Hold on.
	Do you have an earpiece on?
	He's listening to the show in the background.
	So?
	That shouldn't affect the quality of the actual call.
	Were you wearing an ear thing?
	Yeah.
	Can you hear me now?
	Yeah.
	Why were you wearing an earthing?
	Oh, you're in trouble.
	I'm looking to the show.
	No, no, no.
	No, I mean one of these call things where you take a call like that.
	Those are for fucking dorks.
	Ah, I see.
	Why do you wear those?
	I see you guys, and I go, what are you doing?
	Like, why can't you hold a phone?
	You're getting burned, sir.
	You're moved.
	Did you have a question?
	What do you mean?
	Why can't you just hold a phone to your ear?
	Like, why do you guys have these dumb earpieces that you push on?
	Well, I was listening to something else waiting to call you.
	Oh.
	Okay.
	Not listening to the show?
	Are you a subscriber?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I am.
	But why wouldn't you be listening to the show that you're about to be on?
	No, I was.
	Okay, well, you just said you were listening to something else.
	Yeah, at the same time.
	What?
	You listen to two shows at a time.
	I've never heard of that.
	Yep.
	Wait, that is advanced.
	So what was the other thing?
	Joe Rogan?
	Fuck no.
	Was it Shadow Legends?
	Right, guys?
	Okay, sorry.
	What's your question now?
	We're finally caught up.
	We're finally at square one.
	Well, I was going to ask, what's the best way to please your wife?
	Sexually?
	Well, generally.
	Okay, so do you have kids?
	Yes.
	The best way to please your wife is to play with the kids.
	Nothing turns her on more than you having a great time with maximum kids.
	Ideally, all three or four.
	How many do you have?
	I have one.
	She's nine months old.
	Nine months old?
	Yes.
	So that means that if she was pregnant the day she was born, she'd be ready to give birth by now.
	Yes.
	I would say the best way to please your wife would be to become totally consumed with the girl.
	I assume it's a girl.
	Yes.
	All day long, and she can go leave, do whatever she wants, and you're not annoyed by her.
	You're thrilled.
	And I think when you're not just looking after the kid, but looking after the kid in an enthusiastic way, it trips her like pheromones.
	And it goes, this guy is not only willing to look after my kid as a favor, but he loves it because it's his kid.
	And he's happy I gave birth to her.
	And everything is going as planned.
	We did the right move.
	And it satiates her, and it makes her feel satisfied.
	And you're probably getting fucking round-the-world super sex that night.
	Yeah, I don't get any sex, by the way.
	Well, it's been nine months.
	Sorry, go ahead.
	The first year after a baby, it's not exactly porno town, but I know you got laid 18 months ago.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	So, yeah, pay attention to the kid.
	Do lots of great kid stuff.
	And you'll be rewarded with maybe even a beach, dude.
	Well, what about like going to the bar?
	Because like I'm punished.
	I don't want to say punished, but I'm criticized for going to the bar.
	And I know you're a bar guy.
	Like, no, Maddie's a bar guy.
	You guys go and have drinks and have your off time.
	I'm criticized for going and having, you know, like my alone time.
	How do you balance that?
	Well, that's the thing.
	This is not rockets.
	The first nine months, her hormones are still going crazy.
	And when Gavin was saying, be an equal participant in caring for the child and taking care of the child.
	Right now, she may be a little vulnerable.
	And if you're looking to escape and get away, she may think that you're looking to run.
	Yeah, so you can go to the bar, but you got to earn it.
	And it should be pretty rare in the first nine months.
	Eventually, they're happy to get rid of you.
	And you never go to the bar when you're needed in any way.
	Yeah, correct.
	Absolutely.
	But my wife is upset when I go to the bar if, you know, it's my day off and I fucking worked 50 hours.
	And then I'm like, all right, I'm out of here.
	I'm going to go fucking have a drink and have a burger and come back home.
	Well, you've got to assert yourself at that point.
	You got to be like, no, this is not how it works.
	The thing about being a husband, too, is establishing your parameters.
	Like you work hard to make sure everything's going okay and you spend a lot of time with the kid and you help out around the house.
	But there's some things where you go, yeah, no, no.
	And I still, and the funny thing too is you think, well, it comes to a point where that's established and I don't have to establish my boundaries anymore.
	But I've been with my wife for 23 years now.
	It's not established.
	I keep having to go, yeah, no, I'm doing that.
	I'm doing that.
	Yeah.
	And my problem is I did that in the first marriage and I got a divorce.
	And then in the second marriage, it's the same fucking thing.
	So I'm confused as to how I put my foot down and say, fuck you.
	You don't say, fuck you.
	You say, that's not happening.
	Like, I actually had this with my wife like that last week.
	She's like, where are you?
	And it was after work.
	And I go, I'm at the bar.
	And she goes, I thought you couldn't do this because you were working.
	And I go, no, I said I can do it, but I didn't do it because I get two beers after work.
	That's a normal amount of beers.
	I'm not apologizing for that.
	And we can argue that to the day we die.
	Like, she once found a pile of pictures of my exes in sexual positions.
	I don't look at that pile of pictures ever, but I'm saving it till I go to an old folks' home.
	And if you want me to get rid of it, well, no.
	The answer is no.
	Well, it's not like they were in the nightstand draw.
	Yeah.
	She went looking for them.
	They're literally duct taped together in an envelope.
	But yeah, you've got to set your parameters, my friend.
	You're not going to the bar after work and getting fucking toasted.
	Like you're coming home and fucking having a couple of bourbons.
	Right.
	And does your wife ever get toasted?
	No.
	See, that's one of the problems, too, is my wife's an Indian.
	So like once a month or two, she'll get fucking annihilated.
	Like falling down the stairs out of it.
	So she understands.
	Yeah.
	I'm not saying she should have killed him, but I understand.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	We can figure it out.
	Good luck.
	Yeah, just don't be a pussy, basically.
	Play the ground rules.
	You got to establish yourself.
	That's right.
	You got any letters, Ryan?
	We've got 27 callers.
	The lines are full.
	27 callers.
	27 callers.
	All right, let's power through the calls then.
	Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
	One thing.
	Yo.
	Go ahead there.
	Oh, you got one thing.
	267.
	What's up, 267?
	Hey, hey, thanks for calling.
	You're welcome.
	What can we help with?
	Goodbye.
	All right.
	Bye-bye.
	Thanks for calling.
	Oh, he got into thanks for calling before me.
	Touche.
	Next call.
	That motherfucker crazy.
	All right.
	Andrew.
	You want to go?
	What's going on, Andrew?
	413.
	Yo, what's going on, guys?
	Yo, yo.
	Oh, my.
	Yo.
	I hate my generation, bro.
	Millennials can all fuck themselves, bro.
	I'm 27 years old.
	I turned 27.
	I look like I'm 19, but I feel old as fuck, dude.
	Do you work out okay?
	27 shape.
	Yeah, well, what happened was, is instead of going to college for four Years I played house with some chick that I didn't want to date after six months, but she was sort of an orphan.
	And I had a kid with her.
	And then after he turned a year old, my son's godfather, my best friend, ended up fucking her and marrying her and shit.
	So now you're not in the kid's life?
	No, I. But how does that affect your physical well-being?
	Huh?
	How does that affect yourself?
	You sound like an annoying millennial.
	How did you end up in a situation where your friend was fucking and why didn't you marry her?
	You sound like an annoying millennial.
	Because she was a pathological liar and she was an alcoholic.
	Okay, why did you make a baby with some woman that you can't rely on?
	Why did you come in her?
	Do you think that maybe you don't feel so great physically because you drank and do Coke?
	Oh, no.
	I feel great physically.
	I just hate my generation.
	I eat avocado toast.
	I've never had a piece of avocado toast in my life.
	I fucking worked in structural.
	I don't want to talk about that.
	Why did you come in a girl you weren't married to?
	Because I'm Catholic.
	Okay, well, that's not a good enough reason.
	True Catholic is you have to be married.
	I didn't have a topic what I was going to talk about, honestly, but I've been a fan for a while.
	Okay, well, you sound like an annoying millennial.
	You came in a girl.
	You got her pregnant.
	Someone else ended up fucking her.
	She wasn't your wife.
	Now that kid is barely in your life.
	He's going to be raising the kid.
	Like, you're a mess, dude.
	You fucked up your life.
	And you're sitting here complaining about your generation like you're doing anything that's not a complete shit.
	I chose, I didn't know she was fucking him.
	And I chose to leave because she was fucking such an alcoholic and we were fighting so much that I physically had to leave because when your kid gets to be a year old, they start developing fucking memories.
	So that decision.
	And I find late after the fact.
	So you abandon your son, you abandon your child, and your rationale is, I saved the day, I prevented this trauma from reaching my child.
	The trauma of having a father.
	Dude, you're pathetic.
	I didn't leave for the trauma of being a father.
	I'm still in his life.
	No, you're not.
	How often do you see this fucking kid?
	Wow.
	Why are you being such a dick, Gavin?
	How often do you see this kid?
	I see him once or twice a week.
	Yeah.
	Because I just got on my feet.
	I just got out of fucking homelessness, and I finally got a fucking place to stay, bro.
	Oh, my God.
	You're homeless, and you're impregnating chicks because you're Catholic?
	Yeah, well, I got hit with a mental illness when I was 17, and so my life's been pretty rough with that fucking label on my head and shit.
	Yeah, well, if you're mentally ill, don't go knocking up chicks that you hate.
	You're not ready to be a father.
	You're barely ready to take care of yourself.
	What have you done?
	Yeah, no, you're right.
	Yeah, but it's your generation that's annoying.
	You're not annoying.
	You haven't fucked up.
	It's everyone else who's fucked up.
	Yeah, dude, people just suck nowadays.
	I've lost nowadays.
	People suck nowadays.
	Dude, I'm a...
	What do you mean I suck, bro?
	What the fuck, dude?
	I got the shit end of the stick here.
	Shit end of the stick.
	You created the shit stick.
	You fucking got a woman pregnant.
	You're homeless.
	You're letting your friends fuck your girlfriend.
	You don't marry her.
	She's running around not knowing what's going on because you're so unreliable.
	You're calling her an alcoholic.
	You're living on the streets and you're like, God, my generation's so annoying.
	You're annoying.
	No, you're right.
	You're right.
	My generation was annoying and that was annoying.
	No, no, no.
	You're the most annoying person I've ever met in your generation.
	Your generation should hate you, not the other way around.
	You're giving them a bad name.
	Yeah.
	Stop playing that.
	I see my kid once a week.
	I'm not homeless anymore.
	I have mental illness.
	What mental illness?
	I'm 17.
	Being a loser?
	Is that your mental illness?
	What were your diagnosed weight?
	No, I mean, whatever.
	I guess I deserve to hear that.
	What's your diagnosis, Dork?
	Bipolar too, a psychologist because my great-grandfather fucking had it.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Bipolar.
	What do you think?
	Sometimes I'm busy, sometimes I'm tired.
	I have in the past, but you're not consistent with that.
	I'm not taking a medication from a doctor.
	I love how you knock up a chick, you're out of its life, your friends are fucking this random alcoholic that you knocked up, and you're like, everyone's a loser.
	No, fucking, whatever.
	This is, I don't know.
	I didn't call in to feel like shit, but I guess I do.
	You should.
	You should feel like shit.
	You should feel pretty bad about the situation.
	What should I do?
	What should I do?
	Turn your life around.
	Ready?
	First of all, stop.
	That's what I'm doing, dude.
	I just started working, bro.
	I cleaned up, bro.
	I'm doing good right now.
	Stop.
	I'm actually doing good.
	Stop blaming me.
	My life's been a fucking one.
	My life is fucking me for the last fucking whatever years.
	You what?
	I said, my life has been fucked up because of me.
	I know that, bro.
	I'm fucked up.
	But you started this call talking about everyone else.
	You're not far from what I've been.
	My life has never been a fucking bowl of cherries.
	I'm bipolar, one.
	Really?
	I've been to prison for fucking 10 years.
	I had a kid at 23.
	But you know what?
	I didn't blame everyone in the future.
	Yeah, I've never heard Maddie talk about Gen X and how annoying Gen X everyone else, guys.
	Holy shit, I take full responsibility for my part in the whole thing.
	I'm not blaming everyone.
	I don't even know why I even said that, dude.
	I didn't have a topic.
	It was two different things.
	You know what it is?
	People at a bar or some shit, I tell them my fucking life story, and they must react the same way you guys do, but they don't got the balls to tell me that I'm a fucking weak.
	Buddy, listen.
	The last place you should be having been, just coming off being homeless, is in a fucking bar drinking.
	Spending money you don't have.
	That's in the past, bro.
	That's in the past.
	I don't go out to the bar, bro.
	I fucking work.
	I come home, dude.
	I grow my pot.
	I fucking, you know, Whatever, dude.
	Dude, Pot is a bad one.
	Because it seems benign, but you'll do absolutely nothing with your life.
	Pot is bad.
	Give that up.
	Try giving that up.
	Is that Ryan in the back?
	I can't hear him.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, your mic's not on.
	I'm just saying, Pot's very bad.
	All right.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	That's enough.
	It's getting depressing.
	All right, it was good to talk to you guys.
	Hey, keep finding good sights.
	Tomorrow's another day.
	Ryan, why can't people hear you?
	Because when I tried, so I got the splitter, but one unit only has two microphones, so that's you and you.
	But we've been doing this, you can show me splitters all day long, but we've been doing this for a while.
	How else would you do it?
	Would you not put a splitter and then two units into one audio thing?
	That's not what I'm saying.
	There's no two microphone.
	We've had Maddie here for a little while now.
	A year.
	Coming up on a year.
	So you should have figured out by now how we can have three mics.
	Okay, we could buy a different mic set and try it.
	But these mics are supposed to work with a splitter.
	I looked it up before I bought it, and nobody could hear, but I could try it.
	But they hear this loud noise.
	But this is something you should be working on all day with our tech guys and everything trying to figure out.
	It shouldn't be something we discover live on the show where you're hollering over to me to get on my mic.
	I'll give it a shot.
	Let's see.
	No, no, no.
	We're not giving shit a shot tonight live with 10 minutes left on the show.
	Yeah.
	When the equipment doesn't work, it's your problem.
	You can get in the minutiae of splitters.
	That's not the point.
	But that's the solution.
	You see.
	So you have two units that have two microphones that go into each unit.
	Trying to put two units into one audio input is not a thing that works.
	It's not my problem.
	I'm the creative.
	Correct.
	I shouldn't be worrying about this.
	But I am worried that you have to yell after someone's been here for a year.
	That's my problem.
	The rest of it is not my problem.
	Let's give it a shot.
	267.
	Oh, hey, 267.
	267, are you there?
	508.
	580.
	580.
	Go ahead, call it.
	580.
	Hello.
	Hello!
	Next call.
	Okay, whatever you did is lost now the only two microphones we had left.
	Right.
	That's why I prioritize you two.
	To talk to the guy.
	So now he does nothing wrong.
	You see, it's my.
	My motherfucker, I've tried this before.
	It doesn't work.
	There's an OIP.
	I'm changing it during the show.
	Because I gave it to take two seconds, and I gave it a shot.
	And I just wanted to remember how it doesn't work.
	Like, if they can kind of hear me, then we'll use it.
	But it does not work at all.
	Yeah, well, this is not the time to be trying out our technical problems.
	Took two seconds to plug in.
	It's out.
	So talk to him.
	Hello.
	Hello, caller.
	Anybody?
	Anyone there?
	Or have we lost you?
	It might be them.
	Let's see.
	850?
	850?
	Are you there?
	This is only two seconds, by the way.
	Hello?
	Only two seconds still.
	The longest two seconds of my life.
	I heard them talking in the background of the moment.
	Hey, Xiaom, Xiao.
	You're on the line.
	Hey, genius, you're on the line.
	Keystone's back.
	What a fucking loser.
	All right, let's go to the next one.
	Okay, this one's talking about Biden.
	Biden, are you there, Biden?
	Yeah, Washa Call.
	Hello?
	Kipum.
	Jama?
	Hello?
	I have a feeling, Ryan, that these people can't hear me because you did something.
	I'm checking the audio.
	No, the audio input's coming in good.
	I'm seeing the levels.
	I don't believe it.
	Hello?
	Are you there?
	Can you hear me?
	Yeah, sorry, guys.
	Jesus, like someone speaking Asian or something.
	Sounded like you were knocking off there.
	Dude, that was three people in a row.
	What's up, bro?
	Hey, man.
	Yeah, so I think I've sort of almost the exact opposite of the guy that just called it about his situation with being 27 and getting some girl pregnant and stuff.
	I just wanted to get your thoughts on, again, the exact opposite thing.
	So I was dating this girl, and the whole Roe v.
	Wade thing goes on, and liberals will never admit that they just want abortion as birth control.
	And so we had a conversation about it.
	And I was like, hey, if you were to get pregnant, like I would marry you, and then we'd have a family and like, I wouldn't abandon you.
	And she was like, I think that's the wrong reason to get married.
	I was like, I feel like that's a pretty good reason.
	And so just trying to figure out like, how do you navigate when sort of culturally this hookup culture is promoted like just abortion on demand?
	And even if you're trying to do the right thing and a girl gets pregnant, you're trying to be around and be the dad.
	But she's like, you know what?
	I don't even want that because that's not even the right reason.
	Like it's all about me.
	Just try to navigate that.
	It's kind of frustrating.
	But I don't understand how you get the girl pregnant.
	Here's how you navigate that.
	It's a big red flag.
	Don't have a relationship with her so you won't get pregnant.
	Because if you do get pregnant with her, she's going to want nothing to do with you.
	She's not going to want the kid either.
	Yeah.
	So why put yourself that particular thing?
	But who are all these guys just coming in chicks?
	I don't get that.
	I've never done that in my life.
	Even when I would wear condoms, I would go down and I checked the condom before I jizzed.
	How do you come at that?
	No, I didn't come at her at all.
	I'm just saying, I said, hey, if you were to get pregnant, if the condom were to break or she had an IUD and stuff, I said, if you were to get pregnant, here's what would happen.
	Like we would get married and we'd have a family.
	And she was like, no, I don't want that.
	I'm afraid of that.
	And I was like, I'm not really sure what your fear is.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, dump her ass.
	She's a waste of time.
	That's an indication that you guys are not compatible and you're not on the same page.
	Yeah.
	You're basically wasting time with this woman, no matter how good the relationship is right now, because the endgame is too different.
	Yeah.
	No, I'm with you.
	And I mean, we actually aren't seeing each other anymore because of that.
	Well, move on.
	And so, well, and so I guess that's sort of my question is like in this modern age, like what is the thing that you can even relate to people with?
	Because it's so extreme now in terms of how people view things.
	Well, you meet a girl, you start dating her.
	If it looks like it's going well, you marry her.
	And then you have a baby.
	This is the whole part of courting the woman, getting to know their beliefs and what they want.
	And if they're similar views to yours, then you're compatible.
	If you're like, I marry you and have kids, and she's like, fuck you are.
	I'm not doing that.
	Then it's a no-go.
	Then bye-bye.
	Bye-bye.
	Home home.
	Home to mommy.
	All right.
	Thanks for coming.
	Home mommy.
	All right.
	Bless you guys.
	You got it.
	How we doing?
	Morning.
	That's the whole thing of courting someone.
	Getting to know them.
	Yeah.
	And also, I think you really get to know what's going on within the first nine months.
	Yeah.
	This whole like, I've been dating her for eight years.
	Yeah.
	At my brother's bachelor party, there's a guy, this girl, he's been dating her for eight fucking years.
	And I made everyone uncomfortable because I'm like, put a fucking ring on it.
	What are we waiting for here?
	And the worst thing is, is when people put that facade on when they first meet someone and they act how they think they want that person to perceive them so that they like them.
	And then like three, four months into it, it just falls apart and it's like, who the fuck's this person?
	Yeah.
	Fuck that bitch.
	Get out of here.
	That's why you got to test the waters.
	But testing the waters is not an infinite thing.
	All right, we got five minutes left.
	Next call.
	Hello?
	Hey, what's going on, Cola?
	Can you hear me?
	Yes, sir.
	Yes.
	Oh, guys.
	Okay.
	Ryan, I need you to go to the mailbag.
	Subject, Biden incest.
	Guys, I need translation.
	I don't know what Biden says.
	Go to 4307.
	It's about 40 seconds long.
	Biden, translate, please.
	Okay.
	I don't want to sound like an egomaniac, but I like to think that I have a gift when it comes to speaking Biden.
	And this sounds like it's a real challenge.
	4307.
	It's a hard one, dude.
	It's unmissed.
	I think no one has watched this.
	I watched this loser shit.
	This is wild.
	Can you do a little shadow boxing over there?
	Loosen up.
	There you go.
	Got you on mute while we play it.
	All right.
	Okay, here we go.
	4306 or something like that.
	43.06.
	Let's hit 43 on the dot just to see.
	For last month, and to ensure that every part of the federal government does its part at this critical moment where women's health and lives are on the line amidst chaos and uncertainty unleashed by this decision.
	Emergency medical care being denied to women experiencing miscarriages.
	Doctors uncertain about what they can do to provide for the patients.
	Pharmacists unsure whether they can fill prescriptions that they've always filled before.
	A tragic case of rape survivors, including a 10-year-old girl forced to travel to another state for care.
	You know, wiping out the right to choose on whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, incest.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait.
	I was fucking killing it.
	Yeah, and then it was just like before that.
	I was doing great.
	And I could even understand what he was not understanding.
	Like, he thinks Biden said miss when he said amidst.
	Amidst, yeah.
	But then we got into incest, and I started.
	The wheels started falling off.
	Going underwater.
	Some uncertainty unleashed by this decision.
	Gotcha.
	Emergency medical care being denied to women experiencing miscare.
	Gotcha.
	Doctors uncertain about what they can do to provide patients.
	Easy.
	Pharmacists, unsure whether they can fill prescriptions that they've always filled before.
	Easy.
	Tragic case of rape survivors, including a 10-year-old forced to travel to a mother state for care.
	You know, wiping out the right to choose on whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, incest, or having a rape.
	I mean, this is just extreme.
	Extreme retardation?
	So he's talking about.
	Sounds like he said mother.
	Yeah, he said he's speaking in point-form notes, and he's saying, these are all the problems with Roe v.
	Wade being overturned and all the different reasons for an abortion, including incest or rape.
	But go back like a cunt hair, if you can.
	Sounds like he says mother.
	For the last month, and to ensure that every part of the federal value, especially health and human services sector, travel, mother, state for care, you know, wiping out the right to choose on whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, incest.
	Yeah, the right to choose on incest, abortion.
	So you need the right to choose, period.
	Whether you have.
	And then, yeah, whether you have or regarding or the result of incest, abortion.
	So he's leaving out some words there.
	These girls got pregnant via incest or abortion.
	You should still have the right to choose.
	That they've always filled before.
	A tragic case of rape survivors, including a 10-year-old girl forced to travel to mother's state for care.
	You know, wag me now, the right to choose on whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, choose on whether you have to change.
	I know, but before that, wagging me now.
	This is just extreme.
	You know, even the life of the mother is in question in some cases.
	Even the life of the mother is in question.
	Whoa, what?
	Whoa.
	My God, dude, I feel like I have to say to my spotter like, grab it, grab it, grab it, get it.
	Whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, incest.
	We're about 20 seconds away.
	I mean, a rape or, I mean, this is just extreme.
	You know, even the life of the mother has been questioned in some cases, in some states.
	Republican Congress and their extreme MAGA ideology are determined to go.
	Okay, I got it.
	I got that.
	Republican Congressman and Extreme MAGA ideology.
	Right.
	Talking about nationwide bans on that would outlaw abortion in every stage and every circumstance.
	Okay, that was.
	Got that.
	Outlaw abortion in every stage and every circumstance.
	Going after the broader right to privacy as well.
	Going after a broader right to privacy.
	That's easy.
	But as I said before, this fight is not over.
	And we saw that last night in Kansas.
	In the opinion of the people, the opinion of the Dobbs case, the extreme majority of the Supreme Court wrote, women, this is a quote from that case, women are not without electoral or political power, unquote.
	Court practically dared women in this country to go to the ballot box and restore the right to choose that the court had just received.
	I think we made it through the weeds.
	I think he was talking about the earlier stuff, which was fucking hard.
	That was a real challenge.
	I'm sweating.
	The pitch away.
	And by the way, this is our president.
	We sit here and it's become a parlor game to try to understand what the mother fuck this clown is talking about.
	Bidenism.
	And what is he?
	Like, what's his job?
	He's sitting there, Drag Queen Story Hour, reading to us really, really badly.
	Hey, we got, you know, this is near the end of the show.
	You got to get fired.
	You're going to get drowned.
	People, 10 people.
	Like, the way he reads is so fucking terrible.
	One thing I got, I wasn't a fan of Obama.
	He split this country in half.
	But at least he could read a teleprompter and see the cadence of the sentences.
	We need to come together.
	He was a pretty good order.
	Understand that what's in front of us also once lay behind us.
	We got to see the patterns and understand that history can repeat itself.
	So what do we do?
	We learn.
	And we try not to make the same mistakes.
	Whereas Biden is just like, we got to see what is in front of us, what is before us, and then notice that we're going to repeat the pattern.
	People, history repeats itself, learn the pattern, not the same mistakes again.
	He sounds like a drunk liar talking to a cop on the side of the road.
	I had two drinks.
	I didn't have two drinks.
	I was leaving the bar, and they said that you should go and pick up my cousin.
	And I said, I will because I know that she is sick.
	She has diabetes.
	So I got to get her.
	So I got to get her.
	Yeah, it sounds like you work at the Looney Bin, and it's the middle of the night, and some little alarm goes off, and you go by the rose bushes in the back, and there he is in his fucking OR scrubs, and you're like, Danny, what are you doing here?
	I got to get out because I was trying to get back in, and the door is locked.
	And so I came out here to see if someone has a key to try to help.
	And then it's not a joke.
	Get him out of here!
	Get out!
	Said, said, Said, said.
	Elder abuse.
	America is elder abuse.
	All right, we've got what?
	Zero seconds left.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Ciao, chow, ciao.
	A question for you.
	Wanna struggle with me?
	Think I make you smile, as far as I can see.
	You make me laugh, think I love you.
	How about dinner at 30 and it's rough with you?
	The way you dress like no one else.
	You gotta thank all about your belt.
	People can't hang you and give them a hell of you.
	Like you ring the bell.
	I don't need to go fast when you struggle to me.
	I got on knock, got nowhere to be.
	I'm pretty fine just walking with you.
	Hold your hand away with a laugh.
	Tell you what, if you lack the stir, I'll walk on the head and you can look at my butt.
	Objectify, but don't cross the line.
	Button from the band with trick.

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