That is the smash hit, I don't know, from one of my favorite bands, The Replacements.
I was trying to think of a song that has a great peppy intro to make the show fun.
That's from their album, Pleased to Meet Me.
I'm embarrassed to say that's the first album I bought of theirs right when it came out.
I just like the cover.
Then I discovered that they had a whole hardcore past with Sorry Ma Forgot to Take Out the Trash.
And then I got Tim and what's the one, Let It Be?
Where they're on the roof.
And then Bonk.
Wow.
What a fucking band.
I saw them recently.
They were great.
Although, Paul Westerberg, the singer, they were all dressed like elves, which is funny.
But Paul Westerberg had skechers on.
If you're going to be an elf, you got to have like buckle shoes or something.
I don't like when people have a costume and the shoes aren't right.
Like Conor McGregor dressed up his baby in a tuxedo, but he had like socks on.
Aren't you in bounce?
You got to go a whole hog.
If your kid's dressed up in a tuxedo, he needs little tiny dress shoes.
Bruh.
God, we got a lot of shit to cover today.
It's going to be a heavy day.
I want to show some blacks behaving badly, which I'm always uncomfortable about.
Like, I think I know why the media is so scared to do it, because it's an inconvenient truth that black crime is out of control in this country, and it's only getting worse.
We have a solution, and we'll get to that too.
But we might as well just dive into it, right, Ryan?
I believe so.
Now, Ryan's working on the sizzle reel for the two comedy shows we got coming up, Vegas and Dallas.
New York is TBA.
And it's coming along well?
Come along well, yes.
We just want to give people a little taste of what it's like to be there because it really is exciting and fun.
And nobody's seen any footage yet.
Okay.
A lot of the footage is the back of my head.
And the side.
And the side.
Hey.
Hey.
We've got a lot of shows coming.
In Dallas, we have to do four shows.
Whoa.
I thought it was.
And my whole thing with stand-up is never repeat the same set ever.
But I may have to bend that rule.
Although I got a lot of funny bits.
I mean, this show is fucking stand-up comedy all day, every day.
Yeah.
All day.
We play this game at my local bar called Duck Dice.
There's six die, right?
And I think two of them are ducks.
Yeah.
Two of them are just ducks all around.
You shake them up.
You roll them out.
You want to get as many similarities as possible.
So the ideal hand would be six sixes in the first roll.
If you got, say, four sixes and two ducks, that's still six sixes because the ducks are wild.
If you roll and you get two twos with your first roll, that sucks.
So then you roll again.
Now you have three twos.
Not great.
So then you roll again.
You keep those three twos.
And then you get nothing else.
So now you rolled all day and you got three twos.
You're going to lose.
And are you putting money on this?
Five bucks.
I am never going to financially recover from this.
The dummies, I left for a minute.
I come back the next day.
Some fat newbies came in.
And they own a bar in Connecticut, apparently.
And they kept going up and up and up.
And then the morons, my friends, the locals, start going up to 100.
100 per bet.
So the two newbies, I don't know if they're dice sharks and they're just good at rolling.
One left with $1,200.
The other left with $2,000.
What?
So I come in.
Oh, sorry.
It wasn't the next day.
I came in later on and everyone was just wasted and pissed off.
How the fuck?
Yeah, and the chick, when he won $1,200, she goes, you should pay everyone's bar tab.
And he's like, well, I'll buy a round.
Meanwhile, with $1,200, there's only like six people there.
Their bar tabs would have been like $30 each.
$180 out of $1,200?
And you'd be made.
You'd be in the mafia.
Like whenever you came into that bar for the rest of your life, you're an instant local.
And then when she won her $2,000, guess how many bar tabs she paid?
Like five.
Oh.
Oh.
You should pay a bar tab.
I shouldn't pay a bar tab.
That was too much of indecence.
That's right.
Those are wild numbers for dice, in my opinion, as a non-dice player.
Actually, I rolled some dice last night.
You don't say?
Yes.
In our D ⁇ D Discord group.
And guess who played?
Nerds and losers?
Well, if you consider our very own Lotus, a nerd and loser.
Oh, she's not a loser, but she's a nerd.
It's true.
So she's in Epic Mealtime Harley Mornstein.
He just joined.
My buddy Ray.
I'm trying to get Jim Goad.
I think he would kill it.
So are you the Dungeon Master?
No, no, no.
You have to practice for at least a year to become a Dungeon Master.
So who's the Dungeon Master?
My cousin Jordan.
And we also got a guy, Phil.
enough, enough.
You're bad for the brand.
We're going to get everybody on shut up play.
Let's start the show.
Fine.
So, let's have a monster truck come from here and go that way.
And then Donald Trump will come out on an eagle facing me.
And then I'll go like that, and then he'll go that way too.
Bonus points, where's the explosion come from?
The middle?
But specifically.
The ground up.
We'll see.
Oh, I'm looking.
Yeah, and it goes that way.
Bye.
Oh, I see.
It comes from there.
Your bottom left.
Yeah.
I'm going to have to draw another arrow on my desk because I'm so fucking stupid.
I don't know why I find that so challenging.
And I don't know why I'm so annoyed by Elon Musk's face here.
Yeah.
Aren't you?
Isn't this better?
It's never really bothered me, to be honest, but if you're bothered, I'm bothered.
So whales are bothered.
They don't like us anymore.
I don't know what we did, but this was going around.
Some guy's just minding his own business.
Whamo!
What kind of whale is that?
Oh, somebody Vin Dieseled.
Oh!
Oh!
It's a little baby Vin Diesel.
You know, when my sons were born, they were screaming their heads off.
When my daughter was born, she just sort of went, oh.
And she was looking at me.
I went, are you okay?
And that's kind of what she's like now.
Like I could say, the house is on fire.
And my sons would go, holy fuck.
And my daughter would go, okay, I'll get my stuff.
Born that way.
And then this one is less common.
Motherfuckers out in the kayak.
Motherfucking whale eats the ass.
And then he barfs them out because there's a boat.
If anyone's, I cannot recommend this enough.
If anyone's trying to eat you, make sure you're encapsulated with a giant piece of yellow plastic.
You don't realize that's the bottom of his...
The boat's yellow.
That thing you see there?
That's him.
Damn.
I'm sorry.
It's fucking hilarious to be eaten by a whale.
Yeah, that's Pinocchio shit.
I don't think you could turn around and walk away.
Has a whale ever eaten a guy?
Look that up.
I don't think they can digest us.
We got a lot of bones.
And we always wear clothes.
We always got clothes in the way.
It seems like it'd be easy to get out, too.
Man swallowed by humpback whale was one in a trillion.
So it's not very common.
And this guy survived it.
Wait, did the I think the guy above survived too?
He looks the same guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so they've never really done it.
Huh.
And then some fucking chick was told not to go in the water, and some monk seal is there, and he goes, you're going to go near my pups.
Don't do it.
This is like, you know, those hippos that you see attacking boats and biting everyone in half?
That's just protective mothers.
A hippo will kick your fucking ass.
Do you have any idea how many hippo deaths there are?
Thousands.
You look up every other animal.
A moose.
A deer are a lot because they get stuck on the road.
Same with moose.
People hit them with their cars.
That's in the hundreds.
Shark attacks are nothing.
That's like five.
Fucking hippos is like 2,000 people a year.
They're really bad news.
Anyway, after she ignored warnings and went swimming, classic modern ladies, classic broads.
Go down.
We have this on.
Now it's very small, so you're probably going to want to blow her up.
They bite.
I'm so annoyed by her.
Get out!
Get out!
Yeah, I think that's occurred to her.
I have an idea.
Get out.
Get away from the thing that wants to kill you.
Yeah, that's worse than where'd you last see your keys.
Like, nigga, if I knew, I wouldn't be asking you to kill me.
Remember in high school?
I can't find my blah, blah.
Did you check your locker?
Yes, I did check my locker, obviously.
You check your pockets.
Well, you fucking didn't check your pockets when you broke down your own door to the tune of $800.
That's true.
I was just thinking about that the other day.
You could have, like, stayed at my house.
You could have done a million things.
I wanted to get...
It was a long night.
I remember it being long and arduous.
So you broke your own door down?
I just slammed into the door until it broke and then entered.
One of the dumbest things you've ever done.
And you're one of the dumbest people I've ever met.
So that's two.
I can't, you know, being dumb.
The dumb diagram.
Being dumb ain't easy.
You gotta work at it.
Well, if you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough.
That's right.
If you get knocked down, you better get back up.
It's true.
So the reason I bring up these stories is because they are front page news.
But this is not.
I saw that monk story.
It was higher up on Daily Mail than this.
A black woman went to conduct a mass shooting, Odufua, Portia Odufua.
And she starts shooting into the air.
Cops show up.
White cop shoots her, Not in the head, but in the leg, which is something everyone always demands of the police, that they become Jesse James and they don't shoot them in the chest or the head and they just injure them.
Well, you got your wish.
They prevented a mass shooting.
Crickets.
Like, this story has barely been in the fucking news.
Go down.
She looks like a little cartoon.
I don't know what she looks like.
Naughty and big ears.
Little British cartoon puppet.
And there's the people.
Look at this woman, too.
Speaking of the 60-year-old and the monksy, like, get on the fucking ground.
She's standing behind some plastic thing.
Like, it's going to protect her.
Even if it was aluminum, it's not going to protect you.
People think cars are going to protect you.
Not unless you're behind the wheel well.
Can you hear anything?
Look at her.
This woman, by the way, has a long criminal history.
She robbed a bank recently.
She claimed to be God's prophet.
And go to 1.6.
This is another story that was way higher up on the above the fold is the media newspaper term.
I thought this was weird.
So this woman shoots her cop husband in the head.
Is he dead?
She told police, she wrote in notes later.
Now, oh, he's alive.
That's quite a noggin you got there, bro.
You get shot in the head.
Now, here's my question about this case.
Scroll down a bit so that people can see the pictures.
How do you molest kids plural?
That's the one who shot him.
That's the alleged molester.
But multiple counts.
Is this like a mass shooting where you go in and you start mass molesting?
Like the second you've molested one kid, that should be the end.
What is going on in society here?
The parents went, hey, look, we got to tell you something.
We let a few go, but he's been molesting lots of our kids.
Wait, go back to the video.
We don't have to say that.
The case continues for Shanteri Weems, a woman whose lawyer says she's not so much as gotten a parking ticket.
Well, she remains in custody, and her lawyer says every day behind bars is like living in hell.
Miss Weems has never been arrested in her life.
She doesn't have a criminal.
She doesn't even have a bad traffic record.
Every single day in there is pedal.
She shot someone in the head.
The sooner we can help her, the better.
You better hope he's a pedophile.
I could have no criminal record and shoot somebody in the head and then be a great guy.
He's behind bars for Weems.
I mean, that's...
They shot her husband at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel on July 21st.
According to court documents, Weems said she shot him after confronting him about accusations that he was molesting children at the Baltimore County daycare.
That's the part I don't get.
Molesting.
Present tense.
What?
How did this happen more than once?
I guess it's possible that all the kids kept it secret, and then when one told, all the others said, yeah, me too, me too, me too.
I hope that's what fucking happened.
You won't be molested no more.
Just to understand whether the person is a dead man.
Well, he's fine.
Well, what's 1.7?
Yeah, that's what we're talking about right now, right?
That's the same thing.
I got the same article in there twice.
Yes, I do.
Okay, so then go to 1.8.
This was the top story in the news.
If a nigga wants smoke, I'm at my crib in five minutes.
Florida rapper Raleigh Bands dares his haters on Instagram to confront him and is shot dead.
Let's hear some of Raleigh Bands.
There he is.
What you going to do, bitch?
You think you can smoke me?
You think you got ops?
I got ops.
And I wipe out my ops.
I don't take shit.
You think you want to get sweet?
Come on down, motherfucker.
I'll show you what.
Yeah, the shots rang out this afternoon, and tonight the suspects are still on the loose.
Jack Royer joins us live in the studio with what we know tonight.
Jack.
Josh, Jen, the sheriff's office asking for help tonight finding suspects who fled this scene near the USFP.
Time Charles.
Which direction they fled?
That happened.
So yeah, that's enough of all that.
So all of these stories, the whale attacks, the monk seal, the crazy shit with the rapper gets top billing.
We don't hear about a mass shooting from a black woman that was prevented by a white cop.
If the races were reversed and a MAGA dude shot off some shots and a black cop saved the day, oh my God.
We've been hearing about it for 100 years.
The races were reversed.
So the problem is that blacks behaving badly on the media.
People don't like to see it.
It's an inconvenient truth.
I don't like it.
I've actually had this list ready for a few days and I've been like, wow, let's do it tomorrow.
I've been pushing it off.
So I'm guilty of this.
We don't like to face the fact that we have serious black behavioral problems in this country.
But part of facing the truth is telling the truth.
So let's do a green screen and catch up on some triple B's.
So let's just start with a Nick Mullen recap.
Nick was talking shit on my boy, Ant, and he said, yeah, Anthony, after this woman beat the shit out of him, or attacked him, I should say, he went on Twitter and said that the black community has got a real problem with violence,
which is a horrible thing to say.
Like these people are all fucking savage animals.
That's why he's going to be a little bit more.
And then Sirius was like, yeah, you got to go.
Yikes.
Yeah.
All right.
He didn't say they're savage animals.
He said they have a well, he may have said that woman was a savage animal, but his point was that the black community has a real problem with this jump to violence.
Now, when you combine this with a defund the police movement and a lack of bail, what do you have?
You have blacks behaving badly.
So let's just go through some just for fun, right?
We start with 4-1.
This guy decided that the bodega owner disrespected him.
And he wasn't having it.
Hey, we got to get these ready, Ryan.
Like, don't you just want these guys to get punched in the head?
It's literally spoiled brat behavior.
This is a temper tantrum that a toddler would have.
I think the story here is that he asked for something, and the store owner shrugged, and he took that as just...
Oh no, that was it.
The store owner accused him of stealing.
And that was disrespecting them.
Now they clearly are the type who would steal.
They don't care about his business.
Turn it up.
You acted like Tim Powell's boost.
Staying there.
That's the part I don't get.
We got up to mischief when we were kids.
We would steal a pack of gum.
But if we got caught, we would run.
We wouldn't stand there going, what the fuck, bitch?
And if the police showed up, all bets are off.
Oh, this is, we already covered the Disney blowout, right?
Here's an update on it, 4-2.
New footage shows the sheer scale of that match.
Now, the Disney World brawl we covered before, it was based on a woman leaving to go to the bathroom and then wanting to get her spot back in line.
Now, I don't know if she kept some guys there to mark her space or she just wanted it marked.
But the amazing thing about this brawl is that it goes on and on and on.
And 100% of one side is fighting 100% of the other side.
It's not like one from each side is fighting.
Turn it up.
And everyone else is trying to break it up.
No, they're all in.
And I think they're all wearing a shirt that has Winnie the Pooh on it.
And it says, namaste in bed.
As in, na, amaste in bed.
As in, I'm lazy.
Still going.
I've never been in a fight that lasted more than like 10, 20 seconds.
And then it keeps getting these new waves.
Like these are people with absolutely no regard for the law and no sense of ramifications, no sense of other people.
We're living in a society.
Okay, so now you go, it's over, right?
We're done.
No, we're not.
It doesn't have an arc.
It's just a steady confrontation, a physical fight.
We're living in a society.
Why are you all dressed the same?
What is that?
Okay, so now it's over.
This must be the end, right?
Okay, they've agreed to disagree.
Everyone's going to be.
Thank God.
Isn't it funny how...
I love all the female security, too.
Thanks for helping out, girls.
Aren't there people buying babysitters?
No, there's people with lightsabers there.
Why did they just chop everyone's arms off?
I don't understand.
Look at all these women.
And it's back.
Good afternoon, guys.
Isn't it funny how black people behave badly?
And as a white person, and you feel this, I feel this.
I'm uncomfortable showing it, a lot of it.
I'm scared that it'll encourage racism.
I'm scared the truth will encourage racism.
Like cops, the show cops had this problem.
They would constantly overemphasize white guys behaving badly, whites behaving badly.
And then they ended up getting canceled because they were showing too many blacks behaving badly.
But they were actually showing the opposite.
And then 4-4, this woman attacks her baby daddy's girlfriend at the girlfriend's work.
Like, this is how Uday Hussein, Saddam Hussein's sons would act.
Like, society isn't...
They don't count.
There's no police.
They can do whatever they want.
They own everything.
Like, this is what I would do if I was positive someone had molested a child.
And I think she had her friend film.
She was like, all right, all right, that's enough.
Jesse, Jesse, Jesse.
You filmed this?
Not only Mark.
Geese.
Oh, this one is nuts.
So this guy orders a drink, and I guess he thought he ordered a large.
Yeah, that's it.
They only have small cups, but he ordered a large.
And he's only charged for a small, but he thinks he was charged for a large.
So he wants his money back.
This is the kind of thing where if it happened to me, I go, wait a minute, sorry.
I thought, did I get a large?
Is this a small?
Rage would not come into my head if I got the wrong size of drink at McDonald's.
You're not going to get a large.
Give me my fucking money back, man.
Give me my fucking money back, man.
I ordered a large.
I don't care.
Give me my fucking money back.
Give me my money back.
Give me my money back.
My money.
They're half the size.
Order a fucking large drink.
She said I can't have a large drink.
Give me my fucking large drinks.
Give him his money back.
Get him out of there.
This isn't a homeless maniac either.
There's a guy with feelas on, an outfit that looks not covered in poo.
And notice the arrogance of the young one there.
She's just like, you ain't getting your money back, bitch.
Yeah.
What money?
It's not going to go well.
This man is psychotic.
Where's the spit?
I spit on you.
Where's the spit on you?
Yeah, who's worse?
He's ready to fucking kill for 45 cents and she's ready to die for it?
They're both imbeciles.
They're both assholes.
Give me your fucking spike.
I ordered this shit for the paper.
Give me my fucking larger drink.
You're not gonna spit and think.
I didn't spit.
You white man bitch.
Should that be a t-shirt?
Give me my fucking larger drink.
It doesn't belly he's being denied a drink.
It's the size of it.
Relax, alright?
I'm gonna help you out, alright?
Relax.
You wax me up.
This is good.
This is de-escalating.
I'd be mad that they saw the Christmas tree up.
All right, so that keeps going.
Oh, and then Lincoln Park, not the place, not the band.
They always say in Chicago there's these food deserts in Chicago where black areas have nothing but bodegas and chain stores like Dunkin' Donuts.
This is why, guys.
This is what happens when we try to put an oasis in your food desert.
We get attacked.
Like, this is just, you know what this is?
This is a slap desert.
These people all need to be slapped in the face.
Was that the whole video?
Yep.
Oh, those usually go a lot longer.
Here's a guy, speaking of not living in a society, this is a clerk passes out, and what's everyone's reaction?
He's having some sort of seizure, and everyone's reaction is, of course, robbing him.
Look.
He passed out, yep.
His face could have got really fucked up.
He might be bleeding.
So they, first they go, we should run.
Then they go, wait a minute, we can rob him.
Wait, what is that instinct to run out, by the way, too?
Yeah.
He thinks the happening is happening?
Maybe he thinks someone's getting shot?
They got silent guns.
Are heart attacks contagious?
Like, can't the old guy say, guys, what the fuck?
Right.
He just leaves.
This guy could be dying right now.
So I don't know what he got back there.
Probably cigarettes.
And then he goes, wait a minute, I could get the cash.
Look, they're fighting with each other over the fucking spoils of war.
I got checks here.
What do I got here?
You know, Anthony Kumia, when he watched that, he said, you know, I bet if you put all of the white serial killers ever, like John Wayne Gacy, Bundy, in there, they would all help him.
Like the worst white Jeffrey Dahmer would be like, I'm not going to eat him.
Could you picture?
Yeah.
So Anthony covered that clip?
He did.
Here's a girl riot on the street.
And again, just like the Disney thing, everyone's involved.
That's the weird phenomenon.
When there's a white fight, it's usually just one-on-one.
And then everyone's watching and trying to make sure it's fair.
At least it was when I was in school.
One-on-one, man.
One-on-one.
There's something happening over there.
And look at the guys just watching.
Here we have a man wearing some nice socks.
Wait, go.
Was that the whole beginning?
Yeah, look at this.
Turn it up.
On the lose.
Loser on the crack.
Help me, please.
Help me!
Help me!
Fall.
Fall!
Fall!
I mean, that's not really indicative of a racial pattern, is it?
That's more just a lunatic crackhead.
Here are some black guys robbing a church.
Now that link is broken, but we do have this.
What?
We have the next one.
And maybe they show the video in it, we hope.
Oh, that is the video.
Was the video dead?
Yes.
Oh, well, that's Andy.
Yo.
Yo.
Alright, right, right.
Alright, alright.
This fucking rope chain.
This is a bishop.
Peek-a-boo.
This is the guy, Bishop Whitehead.
He's very popular here in New York City.
He hangs around with Eric Adams.
He golfs with him.
He dresses like an absolute fucking imbecile child who won the lottery.
Gucci suits.
I don't even think Gucci makes the suits that he wears.
They're like the craziest Gucci suit I've ever seen.
I think they're rip-offs.
Like he has a Fendi suit that's all Fendi logos, Gucci suit, all Gucci logos.
They look fake.
They look bootleg.
But he also wears insane jewelry, like a $75,000 Rolex, $75,000 ring, $100,000.
He has two wedding rings that are worth over $100,000 each.
And then he buys the same for his wife.
He's got these religious crosses that are about, I think, $200,000, $300,000.
Go back to that article.
And so, yeah, you're in the hood.
You're constantly flaunting.
Those thieves ended up with a million dollars of just jewelry.
What a fucking idiot.
Look at this clown.
Is this what's going to happen with reparations?
It'll just go to European high-end clothing companies and jewelry stores.
Keep going down.
He's the guy who negotiated someone's release.
Remember that?
He showed up at the governor's or whatever, the mayor's house to negotiate the release of some dude.
Like, who are you?
You're just a bishop.
Why are you getting involved?
Look at this fucking clown.
Anyway, very successful robbery.
This isn't really on topic, but it just reminded me of another video of a black refugee robbing a church in Paris.
No boundaries here.
Punch him in the face.
And you'll notice, like, look at this Orlando parking lot.
You'll notice that when the police show up, it's not the end of the thing.
Like, remember, cops, cops.
That was always the end.
Not in the modern working class, lower middle class black community.
Go to 49C.
Universal Orlando parking garage.
These are all expensive places.
Like, Disney's not cheap.
Blow it up.
I don't mean literally.
I mean, like, make the picture bigger.
No laughs at my blowing up.
Joke.
Okay, so some run.
But then others are sort of...
Look, look at this guy that was right where I was.
Just taunting them more.
And getting closer.
They have guns pointed at these guys.
Yeah, that guy.
Look, they're pointing guns at him.
He's like, fuck you, bitch.
I'm fighting.
Get out of my way.
Yo, don't shoot.
Bitching, yelling, moaning.
And if you want to see even worse behavior, you may want to come to our hometown of New York City, where men fight the cops because they know they're not going to get shot and they're going to be released immediately, which is exactly what happened to this guy.
This is a good fight, by the way.
Of course, the female cop is useless.
Turn it up.
Look at that.
Nice.
Can I take this volume?
Because this is like a phone filming a phone.
Yeah.
But what I could do is this.
No guns drawn, no tasers.
And you gotta wonder.
You gotta wonder when you're fighting someone like this if they're gonna get your gun.
That's why cops don't usually fight.
Because if they lose, it's a death sentence.
They're literally fighting to the death.
He gets one good punch in there.
Yeah.
Can you imagine having the hubris to fight a cop?
I literally can't.
Stop.
Can you pause that?
Female cop was in the...
See, that always does that.
The female cop that was in the first video told me that both the guy and the girl were arguing with each other about something.
Then they tried to hop the train.
The cop then said they weren't allowed to come in the train.
So they tried to hop.
She means a turnstile.
The cop then said they weren't allowed to come on the train.
From there, it escalated.
When I got there, the black cop had the boy on the floor, knee on his back, and his face was bleeding.
Audi, we all tried talking to the cop and telling him to take his knee off.
Obviously, we know what happened with George Floyd.
Then like 15 officers pulled up and didn't something.
That guy wants to make sure that he doesn't get beat up by any of his brothers for being a snitch.
Okay, finally, let's end this with the white guy behaving badly because I feel, although this is all true, real footage not doctored, just like you and just like leftist media, I'm uncomfortable right now.
It's not a good feeling showcasing this, and this is probably why the news does it.
Obviously, there's a liberal bias.
Obviously, it's black failure, white guilt.
But on top of that, it's not good for business.
It's showing America's ugly side.
And I understand the media's inclination to hide it because I'm feeling it right now.
So let's end with a white guy behaving badly so we can cleanse our palate.
This guy's coming up the stairs.
Redhead's there.
And kaboom.
Smashes her in the face, punches her again.
That's two kicks, two punches, three kicks.
She's definitely broken her nose.
Oh, wait, what's this?
Oh.
Shit.
Yeah.
Oh, that's not good.
Wow.
They tell me he's a dope.
I don't know what the fuck you said.
I don't know.
My lawyer's on the phone.
My lawyer's on the phone.
You know what I think would be great if in every one of those videos or every shizmobbin video there was this guy.
Oh shit.
I'd hate to be his neighbor.
Hey, Klaus, a fucking bullet came through my kitchen window this morning.
I do have an example of that, though.
This is what I was talking about earlier when I said the only solution to all this is the black community.
Here is someone in the black community dealing with the problems that we just saw.
5-1.
Now I find it interesting how totally impossible this clip is to find.
Every time I link to it, it gets deleted.
You can find it on Twitter by looking up Shooting Barbershop Baltimore, but it'll be on some Saudi account with tons of Arabic writing.
But like it or not, folks, I don't even think police work is the solution to Baltimore and the south side of Chicago anymore.
They've left the building.
They are their own third world countries.
And the only hope for Zimbabwe, South Africa, and other disgusting shitholes is for the people there to start defending their own community.
And you're seeing this too.
This is true of the entire third world.
Go to 5-2.
Get armed.
It's the only solution.
Don't rely on the police.
Definitely don't rely on social workers.
This guy is fucking...
I can't even see when he pulls his gun.
So if someone comes in around now and they decide they want to fuck shit up.
Boom, boom.
Oh, I guess I saw it there.
I think he was shot in the hand.
Because you see blood on the ground.
But how fast is that?
Quick draw, McGraw.
And I like how his body senses are tingling already.
Oh, he's getting a blowjob tonight for sure.
Speaking of men and women's roles in society, let's delve into some feminism.
Feminism.
Who here identifies as a feminist?
We are the storm.
The very form of change that the world has been waiting for.
He said I was too pretty to fight.
That's toxic masculinity if you don't realize how your behavior is perfect.
How long have we been going for?
42 minutes.
I always ask at the 42-minute mark.
That is exciting.
It's a real trip, man.
Every time you're about to ask, no, that's 42 minutes.
So everyone's sending me this.
We got to show it.
Matt Goetz being a G. And everyone goes, remember that clip yesterday with Taylor Hansen?
No, no.
Is that his name?
Yes.
Taylor with an ER.
Yeah, I always confuse him with Taylor Lorenz.
And she goes, Matt Goetz literally fucked a child.
And you go, no.
He was accused of sleeping with a 17-year-old by his opposition, his ops, and it was never proven.
And there was no charges brought about.
There was, however, a man who was charged with trying to extort Matt Goetz's father for $25 million.
And the FBI took care of that.
They actually did something right for once.
So, no.
And it's funny, too, that while they say Matt Goetz fucked a child, they're also saying pedophiles are awesome, and it's just a disorder, and it's part of the spectrum.
Interesting take.
Doesn't really add up.
Is it safe to say that based off of your comments, you're suggesting that these women at these abortion rallies are ugly and overweight?
Yes.
What do you say to people who think that those comments are offensive?
Be offended.
But women tend to not be great at this, discussing the news, not saying shit that can get you sued, being intelligent, not being intelligent in general.
I am a feminist at the end of the day.
I'm like a Tucker Carlson feminist.
We love you, but we just know what you're good at, and we know what you tend generally as a pattern to thrive at, which is creating and shaping life, which is a pretty impressive job.
It's not like we're saying you're good at tennis.
But when you're in a male sphere, like noticing patterns and coming up with systems and trying to save the country from disgusting communist freaks who constantly lie and spread propaganda that damages our children,
that's kind of, we tend to do better at that, generally.
So the view is trying our side.
And what's this first one?
They say that DeSantis called Nazis good people?
DeSantis could take his place, and that's just as bad.
I mean, there was this turn, what do you call it, this turning point conference with all the smoke?
What are they, smoking something down there?
Or it's like, whatever.
Anyway.
What?
That sucked.
Keep going.
They were out there, neo-Nazis were in the front of turning, out there, in front of the conference, with anti-Semitic slurs.
And the Nazi swastika and a picture of a so-called Jewish person with exaggerated features, just like Goebbels did in the Hitler during the Third Reich.
It's the same thing, right out of that same playbook.
Okay, and DeSantis did not say anything about it.
Nothing.
So it's his sort of his rendition of Good People on Both Sides.
Same idea.
So why trade a headache for an upset stomach?
Because that's what's going to happen if they get rid of Trump and put him in.
It's the same thing.
I do like that.
Why trade a headache for an upset stomach?
They like sayings.
They enjoy their sayings.
Your headache hurts.
Your stomach hurts.
First of all, we talked about those people yesterday.
They were clearly feds.
Secondly, Turning Point and Ron DeSantis might not have even known they were there, but they definitely did not embrace them or accept them, which, of course, it's retarded.
Nobody does.
Nobody goes, you know, you got to give some Nazis a break.
Some of them are actually really cool.
Nobody says that.
But it's an allegation that happens again and again.
Look at this next example where they're forced to read a legal note saying, oh, we fucked up.
And then Whoopi makes it worse.
Oh, I've got a legal note.
The conservative group...
Sonny normally does this, but I know, I know.
He's our knockoff lawyer.
The conservative group, Turning Point USA, has condemned the group of neo-Nazis and said they have nothing to do with the organization.
Yeah, but where was DeSantis?
That's what I want to know.
But you let them in.
You let them in and you knew what they were.
So you are complicit.
We'll be right back.
Sounds like you got to read another note.
Yeah, sure does.
Like, you let them in.
Hey, Nazis, come on in.
We have a special Nazi section here.
You can sit down.
If you want to Zeke Heil, we just ask, please, not to Zeke Heil when the people are talking because it blocks the view.
Now someone's going to freeze me, Zeke Heiling.
Oh, funny enough, after the break.
Yeah.
I want to make a quick clarification about the neo-Nazis at the turning point event.
They were outside protesters.
My point was more metaphorical that you embrace them at your thing.
I'm not sure.
How did they embrace them?
How?
Can you imagine being a lawyer who works at the View?
You just be like.
I need you to read a legal note saying that they were outside and they weren't invited in.
No, they were out.
I need you to read a legal note saying you don't condone the Nazis.
Turning Point USA doesn't condone Nazis.
Please, because they don't, and we're going to get sued.
Tell them not to add.
They got a lot of money.
Okay.
Tell them not to go off script too.
No problem.
Turning point disavows Nazis.
And then Whoopi pipes in.
But they let them into places and they treat them great and they know what they're about and they accept it.
Hey, I got to get Whoopee's earpiece.
Whoopee?
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, what is it, Don?
They didn't let them in.
I had you read the first legal note for a reason.
Stop trying to pin Nazis on turning point or we're going to get sued.
It's not true.
Okay, I'll say it was a metaphor.
No, no, don't.
Hello?
Hello?
Oh, fuck.
So then when she says the metaphor, I guarantee you, her priest was ringing again, going, don't even say it was a metaphor.
Make it clear they did not come in the fucking building.
Don, how small can we make shock collar technology?
Could it be earpiece size?
Can you make a shock necklace?
This comes 10 days after the viewer.
No, you're not done.
You got to go back, Ryan.
Pardon me.
She wasn't done.
We were not in the building.
No, but you know what?
If the so-called Antifa, who are anti-fascist, that's what Antifa is saying to, would go there and protest, then Antifa would get a bad reputation.
Stop.
That's why when I hear that.
What the fuck does that mean?
So the Nazis showed up, and again, they were feds, at a turning point event, and they got a bad reputation, yeah, because of World War II and the Holocaust.
So that's bad.
But then she says, if Antifa showed up, oh, does she mean to fight the Nazis?
Or does she mean instead of the Nazis?
I don't even think she knows what the fuck she's talking about.
And because they have to keep the ball rolling, when someone says a non-sequitur like that, no one goes, wait, what?
What are you talking about?
The way we would on this show?
What the hell are you talking about?
If anti-fascists were there, they would have gotten a bad rap for what?
Fighting Nazis?
It would be the only time they've ever fought legit Nazis.
That's why they weren't there.
It's off-brand.
Tifa is.
Right, but that's not...
But let me just make sure that everybody, because you know, misunderstanding what people say is very big.
That's you.
Misunderstanding.
Yeah, but see that?
She's had a second earpiece message.
While Joy was talking, he said, don't even say metaphorically.
You got to step back on this, Whoopee, seriously.
So behind her Play-Doh hair, you think there's a little earpiece message?
There has to be.
Or they'd be bankrupt.
Yeah.
So we want to make sure you...
I know they were not in the building, but they weren't people at the thing.
You know how badly you got to want to go protest as a neo-Nazi to go stand outside in Florida in the end of the day?
This show is amazing.
You know what?
At least that's a point.
Like, it's a silly joke.
It's not very funny, but at least it's in English and it has a beginning, a middle, and an end.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, everything else we've been watching for them has been complete horseshit.
It sounds like words tumbling down the stairs.
Stick to silly jokes like it's hot out, please.
July?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
But you want to talk about other people?
I hope they're not.
Yes, I'm sure they did.
Joy's supposed to be the comedian, too.
Yeah.
You know where she grew up?
Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
This is pre-hipster when it was an absolute shithole dive, abandoned port.
Weird.
And then we've been meaning to cover this for a bit.
This pro-abortion walkout.
There's this religious doctor doing a speech, and everyone leaves.
That doesn't look like the right footage.
Maybe it is.
Yeah, this isn't it.
Did I send you the right link?
Oh, it says home.
It has the home page, so it's not.
Oops.
That's a big mistake.
Wait, this is...
Oh, this is CNN.
I mean.
Yeah, that's it.
Medical students walk out on Keynote Speaker with views against abortion.
Dozens of medical students walked out of the University of Michigan's white coat ceremony on July 24th to protest Dr. Kristen Collier's speech.
Isn't this bizarre?
Oh, no, Camus Bell is back.
Oi Vey, he's literally the worst.
Samantha Bee's canceled in other news.
God, the left has ugly chicks on it, doesn't it?
Samantha Bee's looked like an old lady since she was 20.
I'm quite honored to have been chosen.
Oh, they're all wearing white.
Wait, is everyone wearing their lab coats?
I'd like to extend a very warm welcome to everyone who has joined us for this special day, especially to our new students.
So a doctor who's against killing babies is reviled by the medical community.
Isn't that bizarre?
And their loved ones.
It's the Hippocratic Oath.
You will not do harm.
It's so weird to me.
Well, what if it's an ectopic pregnancy and the woman's going to die?
Yeah, then get it out of there.
That's what the law says.
We don't do that.
We don't let woman die.
That's a myth.
We can focus on what matters most.
Coming together to support our newly accepted students and their families with the goal.
I just, you know where I stand on abortion.
I'm against.
I think life begins at conception.
But I want to get the debate down to when is the baby viable outside the womb?
I can't believe we're going back to that.
You can get rid of her.
She's.
But jump over to 60.
So right now I think it's 27 weeks.
Oh, I looked up Samantha B. Young.
The first picture comes back.
It's black and white.
That's how long you have to take it.
That's not bad.
She's not bad.
No.
For the 1800s.
I'm going to do a whole green screen on the hotties on the right because it is alarming.
And I'm not just talking about the usual Isabella Reilly, Isabella DeLuca, Savannah Hernandez, who's, I think, an 11.
But almost all of them are knockouts.
And that's why I love the beginning of that feminism thing because someone like Gina Bontempo, she's not a nine, but she's taken herself from five to like 7.5 just by not being fat and working out and being feminine.
Anyway, I'm stepping on my own material.
Thank you.
That's nice.
So I think it's 27 weeks.
There's the youngest a baby can survive outside the womb.
If we could only get the debate down to that and away from where it's at now, which is like after the baby's born, I'm not exaggerating.
That's what we talk about.
That was the governor in Virginia, Northam.
That's Justin Trudeau.
That's Cuomo here in New York State, made that the law.
Nine months, no problem.
A screaming, crying baby, you can clip its spinal cord with shearing scissors and watch it go, oh, I guess it chokes on its own blood.
It's too morbid to think about.
You think showing blacks behaving badly makes you uncomfortable?
Check out abortion laws and exactly what they do.
Like, they suck it out with a vacuum, and sometimes they go in and they snip the spinal cord first.
This is third trimester abortion.
They dismember the body inside there, then they pluck it out.
But then they have to rebuild the body on a tray to make sure they didn't leave like a finger in there.
And then they literally count the fingers and toes to make sure there's no toe floating around in there.
Like in the Kermit Gosnell documentary, the nurses talk about nightmares they'd have because they could hear the babies crying outside the womb as they died.
And Kermit Gosnell would make jokes about it.
We've officially trumped BBB.
But check out this magic womb.
I mean, if we can start creating a magic womb for humans, we could start lowering it from 27 weeks to fucking 10 weeks.
Scientists create artificial womb that could help prematurely born babies.
Look at this thing.
I think sometimes even God sees what we're up to and he goes, whoa.
Not bad, guys.
Not bad.
Scroll down, you can see a realistic, a real photograph.
Yeah, press play on that.
So what is that?
107-day old.
So 107 divided by 7.
I should be able to do that in my head.
I'm embarrassed.
I can't.
That's 15 weeks.
Oh, and they say that 15 weeks is equivalent to a 25-week human life.
So this guy's doing great in there.
What a trip.
Imagine your wife has some sort of horrific...
I'm not crying.
I got something in my throat.
Horrific pregnancy where she's dying, so they have to take it out at 20 weeks, and now she's better.
It's an ectopic pregnancy.
But you put the baby in one of those, and then you just come visit your baby every week.
That is pretty rad.
See how it's doing.
Like a plant.
I also see the abuse of that, too, where the women who are like, I don't want to stop my career, like lose my figure.
They'll just be like, yeah, just do the magic womb from here on out.
Instead of carrying the germ that's...
You still got to get it out at 10 weeks.
That's not easy.
You have to have a cesarean.
They'll do something.
Right, but Ryan, your logic is terrible.
10 weeks?
That's a small, small baby.
So you think you just push that out?
No, they'd have to go in and get it.
Oh, you can't push it out, yeah.
Yes, you're right.
That needs a detective shitty.
I'll look for the bumper, sure.
I think you should have the bumper on your bookmark tabs.
Because of how often it would be played?
Correct, Detective Shitty.
That's the joke.
And this bullshit is fucking destroying education, too.
Look at this 5'8.
Anthropologists are no longer classifying male and female skulls and skeletons and bones as male and female.
There's a movement among some archaeologists to stop identifying human reins as Male or female, because we don't know how they identified.
They identified as male or female.
This shit is brand new.
All this I identify as female thing.
It's like fucking 10 years old.
Those skulls are older than that.
Go down.
Click on it.
The college fix.
Gender activists push to bar anthropologists from identifying human remains as male or female.
We cannot.
As soon as ancient human remains are excavated, archaeologists begin the work of determining a number of traits about the individual, including age, race, and gender.
Isn't it funny that they deny race and gender exists?
They still admit age exists, but that won't be for long.
Soon you'll be able to identify as a 10-year-old.
Yet we can go there with bones.
This is what Matt Walsh talks about in What is a Woman.
You deny that anyone can know what a woman is, yet anyone with a microscope, any anthropologist who notices patterns can tell you immediately the age, race, and gender or something, someone.
And we can build their whole face and hair and everything with DNA samples.
They make wanted posters from DNA samples.
Now, you don't know how he cuts his hair, but you know his skin tone, everything.
I think it's called, what's it called?
A DNA mugshot?
Yeah, I think it's called a DNA mugshot.
Phenotyping?
The hidden mug shot in culprit's DNA?
Yeah.
Pull it up.
Pull it up, Jamie.
Wow.
But I've seen actual posters.
See if they show any posters.
They look kind of spooky.
Kind of like Tat did at his wake.
Hope I'm not disrespecting the dead by saying that.
Just Google image phenotyping.
Tit for brains.
Okay, this is fun watching you scroll through various articles.
If we're looking for images, you should probably use images.
What are you doing?
There's some of it.
No, that's a graphic.
Yeah.
Holy shit, that's spooky, dude.
They're exact.
Doesn't that kill the whole concept of you are whatever you believe you are?
No, you're not.
God already figured out who you are.
Holy shit, look at that.
That's insane.
How do they know how your probiscus will look?
How do they know how your nose will turn out?
That one's not so great.
Go to 5.9 to see the absolute state of women today.
Stop me if I've shown you this, though.
I may have already shown this.
Did I show this already?
I was sexually harassed on my lunch break today.
A guy came up and asked if I would buy him some lunch.
He didn't look homeless.
Here's the part that drives me nuts.
But I said yes because I have poor boundaries and struggle with saying no to men.
It's something I'm working.
Where's this woman's father?
If this was my daughter, I would punch myself in the face as hard as I could for being a failure.
Since the day my daughter was born, I was like, trust your instincts, build boundaries, know thyself.
If a situation feels weird, get out of it.
Don't acquiesce into something where your spidey senses are telling you not to.
When I gave him his food, he grabbed my arm and said, can I have a kiss?
It took me by surprise.
I'm married, I said.
He put his arm around me and tried to act cool.
I was secretly frightened.
My main concern was not upsetting him in case he turned nasty.
It's a risk woman have to weigh up with men.
Well, maybe in an alleyway in the middle of the night.
Does your husband satisfy you in bed?
I ran inside to escape.
He followed me.
Will you buy me a drink?
You just bought him lunch.
You're definitely sending mixed messages.
I nodded.
So now she's buying him a drink.
Is she mentally ill?
The female staff immediately clocked what was happening.
One of them led me to a chair inside.
The other gave the man a drink and sent him away.
The happy Mackey staff let me stay inside until I was sure he's gone.
I was shaking my head, which was embarrassing, but they were kind of gave me like, this woman should be in that fucking womb with that baby lamb.
Stress doesn't make me lose my appetite, so she's clearly a fat pig.
I went back to my desk, felt a bit weird, ate lunch, carried on with my day.
Being sexually harassed on my lunch break.
I'm not sure you were sexually harassed, my dear.
Yet it wasn't unusual.
How many men were sexually harassed on their lunch break?
Man seems to have crossed boundaries, but that you only wish you had.
Anyway, it goes back to yesterday's shit.
Let's do a quick My Pet Biden because we've got some catching up to do on that.
Biden.
On him I can depend.
My pet.
Biden.
A monster of the president.
He's big and food and sleeky.
Sleeky.
But a friendly monster too.
My pet.
Biden.
Wait, what?
That doesn't rhyme.
We'll start my pet Biden with a little melancholic look at the previous guy.
Have you noticed the left doesn't say Trump's name?
They go the other guy or the previous guy.
It's so juvenile.
He's not fucking Betelgeuse.
It's not Valdemort.
Nothing happens when you say his name three times.
But here he was doing a talk at Turning Point Action.
We have to abolish all COVID mandates and lockdowns.
Rehire every patriot who was shamefully fired from the military with an apology.
We have to give them an apology and all of their back pay.
We have to abolish all COVID mandates.
So that's how people feel about Trump, and that's the kind of things he says.
Incredibly articulate, by the way.
I don't care if there's a teleprompter there.
It sure didn't seem like it, and it shouldn't.
That's the goal.
That's what teleprompters were invented for, by the way.
So you weren't constantly looking down at a paper and you could pretend it was off the dome.
Not end the sentence.
And then end a quote.
Repeat the line.
Next page.
People love him, though, Biden, still.
Like, look at this.
Honest U.S. citizen here.
I don't get why many people hate Biden.
I think he's one of the best presidents in the country right now.
He needs time to do this.
We should back him and trust the process.
We can do this.
Let's go, U.S., says Miguel.
And then we have this woman.
She thinks, honest U.S. citizens here, I don't get why many people hate Biden.
You think he's one of the best presidents in the country right now?
You need time to do this.
Send him back up and trust the process.
It's not a joke.
Honest U.S. citizens here, I don't get why many people hate Biden.
You think he's one of the best presidents.
How many fucking bots are on Twitter?
Twitter is controlling the national conversation, and it's a million assholes and 20 million bots repeating propaganda sent down from the far left.
What have you done, Jack?
What hell have you created on earth?
He must lie in bed some nights and just sort of go, what have I done?
Holy shit.
They could fix it if they'd end the censorship.
Here's how black people feel about Mr. Biden.
She's a 10, but she voted for Biden.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, no way.
It's over.
It's over.
She's like a four and a half, to be honest, because like they just sound cheese and shit.
Like that don't even...
They don't even sound right.
Isn't it cool that you just need two phones and you have a camera crew?
All you got to do is match the audio with the video.
He's got a microphone and that guy has a camera.
And this is just as good as local news.
It's a little dark.
Three and a half.
What you giving, Jew?
Yeah, three?
He said three.
It's a collective idea.
I think she's getting a three from us.
No cap.
She's a 10, but she voted for Biden.
You already showed him.
Oh.
This is a fun one from last week where our favorite fact checker, Glenn something, Glenn Kessler, I think he's at the Washington Post, yeah.
So Biden says, I have cancer.
And the fact checker, the Washington Post goes, what's the problem here?
He had cancer.
Glenn Kessler doesn't know the difference between had and have.
Well, I'll tell you, Glenn, had is past tense.
If you had cancer, it doesn't mean you have cancer.
If you have cancer, it means you have cancer.
And then, with this pathetic mistake where you don't know the difference between present and past tense, he starts it out with, how dumb is this?
Amazing.
And Glenn Kessler has stepped on it a hundred times.
If you're familiar with this fact checker, he's known for not checking facts.
Let's just hear him say that, though.
Go to Biden talking.
Done and done and done and done.
My mother drove us and rather than us be able to walk.
And guess what?
The first frost, you knew what was happening.
You had to put on your windshield wipers to get literally the oil slick off the window.
That's why I and so damn many other people I grew up have cancer.
And why can't for the longest time, Delaware had the highest cancer rate in the nation.
My mother drove us.
That's like the second time he said that in that speech, right?
Yeah.
The first time he was like, me and so many other people have been riddled with cancer.
You're like, huh?
But at the beginning, he says, my mother would drive us because we could walk.
What?
Like, everything that comes out of that fucking dirt hole is garbage.
And by the way, nice setting.
Or maybe that's what he's going for.
Talking about pollution.
Wait, I want to hear the beginning, though.
My mother drove us and rather than us be able to walk.
And guess what?
My mother drove us rather than us being able to walk.
Mother drove us and rather than us be able to walk.
Us be able to walk.
My mother.
One more time.
My mother drove us and rather than us be able to walk.
My mother drove us and rather than us be able to walk.
Like, this is a cute two-year-old.
My mother drove us rather us be able to walk.
What do you mean?
My mother drove us rather than us being able to walk.
You mean my mother drove us rather than having us walk.
My mom didn't want us to walk, so she drove us.
Learn the English language, Joe.
He's got like a roto, whatever the hell, like, that Amanda Gorman has.
I was be able to walk.
Was that thing that chick had with the R's?
People love that.
They were sending in stuff like.
Oh, the woman with the poet laureate.
Amanda Gorman.
Yeah, here's the thread on that.
They clipped that.
And then someone said, I don't think rhodicism is suddenly acquired as an adult.
Aka Amanda Gorman's faking it.
Some people in the comments want me to struggle more.
And so I've been requested to say some tongue twisters.
Tongue twisted.
So she just sounds like she's from Long Island.
It's a Nancy Spongen-ism.
Imagine her saying rural on my penis.
And then it's this guy blasting.
This is my cum.
This is my come.
Is that Derek Beckles?
I don't believe it was.
No, no, Becks is a female viewer.
Oh.
Here's a spooky throwback.
No one knows.
I know liberals.
I know Biden supporters.
We tend to avoid politics and stick to sports.
But no one I talk to has any idea what's going to happen, not just in 2024, but in 20 days.
We are all profoundly confused.
What the fuck?
And the most common theory is fake a disease.
This could be it with this COVID.
Oh, it's gotten Really, really bad.
And then Kamala becomes president.
She makes Hillary vice president, or I don't know, quits.
But there's no, I just cannot picture him making it to 2024.
Can anyone?
Anyway, here he is accidentally saying the quiet part out loud.
She and Kamala have become friends.
But all kidding aside, it's a matter of the thing, we are simpatico on our philosophy of government and simpatico on how we want to approach these issues that we're facing.
And so I don't have, and when we disagree, it'll be just like so far, it's been just like when Barack and I did.
It's in private.
She'll say, I think we should do A, B, C, or D. And I'll say, I like A, don't like B and C. And it's okay.
Wait a minute.
Stop.
I'm getting obsessed with the minusha here.
If we disagree, like she says we got to do A, B, C, or D. And I say, I like A, well then you're agreeing.
You both agree that we should do A. Those are all different options, A, B, C, or D. It's not A plus B. It's A or B. So you agree.
Brock, if I reach something where there's a fundamental disagreement we have based on a moral principle, I'll develop some disease.
La La La La La Five.
He's a Muslim woman.
So you have to resign.
We don't have that.
We haven't.
And we discussed at length our views on domestic politics.
I think he meant to say, well, I'll just kill myself as a joke.
But he accidentally revealed that they've discussed this.
And they thought, we'll have to fake some disease and say you have to resign.
And it's floating around the back of his adult, destroyed, garbage, dirt brain.
Intelligence.
And the great thing is she has a background in the Senate, on intelligence, the intelligence committee.
She has a background in the Senate on a whole range of things that are going to be pertinent to what we have to do.
But it's going to be, I think so much is going to be incoming, Jake.
It's a matter about who takes what when.
I don't need to tell you enough, Mr. Shut up.
I hate you.
He didn't say the thing, though?
What?
Did he say that already?
Yes, are you deaf?
I must have missed it.
That's a detective shitty moment.
I have something ready on the other computer, and I cannot get to that bumper.
Okay, how convenient.
So speaking of Kamala, let's check in with her and her ridiculous thing that is the thing that is ridiculous, where she repeats a ridiculous thing in a ridiculous way because she's ridiculous.
So I'm here to ask you to do what you know how to do, because when you do what you do on all of these issues, the American people win.
Or how's this one?
Want to hear something terrible that's going on in this country?
You're not going to believe it.
It's horrific.
Women are getting pregnant.
At what rate?
A lot every day.
Oh, my God.
What could be worse?
Ew!
What can we do to prevent this?
Chop off dicks?
And, you know, listen, women are getting pregnant every day in America.
And this is a real issue.
And we need to act with a sense of haste about what is at play, what is at stake.
And, you know, listen, women.
We have the stupidest administration in American history.
I don't think we have the stupidest administration in the world.
There's probably some third world countries that can compete with us, but wow.
I put this on Getter.
Sheila Jackson Lee.
This is a woman who has passed a bill to create a committee that investigates white supremacy in the Proud Boys.
That's a bill.
That's tax dollars.
She also wants to create a committee to investigate reparations and start paying black people back for slavery.
This is not a radical lunatic on the left.
Well, it is.
But this isn't something you're hearing at some fucking slam poetry thing in Harlem.
You're hearing it on the House floor.
I rise today to promote the Commission to study slavery and develop reparation proposals as a way of redress, repair, and restoration for the 246 years of slavery.
I mean, that doesn't offend me.
It's retarded.
You know what I mean?
Like, abortion that's nine months, that offends me.
That's killing a baby.
This is so ridiculous that you just go, who, how did you get there?
Who elected you?
Here's a good montage of Kamala's flubs.
This is the vice president of...
Yeah.
This is the vice president.
Have we shown this already?
I don't recall that.
This is the vice president of the most powerful country in the world and in history.
The sound is currently unavailable.
That's why I'm checking on his Twitter.
That's weird.
So he used a fancy song and it got killed.
Yeah, but usually Instagram lets you use whatever you want.
So it's a little sketch.
Oh, that is a little suspect.
Mucho suspect.
Six days ago, he posts a lot.
Yeah, he'll take a while.
Forget it.
It's a montage of her saying, you do what you do.
I think we've already shown it.
There's captions that you need to get to and you need to be able to.
Yeah, we've covered all these.
Let's stop wasting people's time.
Jesse Waters stole my prediction.
And a lot of...
Tucker, I'm not going to accuse him of stealing, but coincidentally, he's been talking about how you got to get married, you got to have kids.
And then what else was he also talking about recently where I was like, that's my shit.
But I like it because Owen Benjamin freed me from this.
And he said, where is he?
Oh, yeah, Tucker did a whole thing on depression and chemical imbalance and how we're over-medicating and we should just change our lifestyles.
But Owen said, it's very freeing when you stop being obsessed with trademark and copyright.
And that's my idea.
You stole it because you want the message to get out.
And I do want the message to get out that we should be wary of Michelle Obama.
I know you all say she's a dude.
I guess that's possible.
And if that is true, then there's no way she's going to run.
I think that's why Oprah's not running.
Not because she's a dude, but because she's got too many skeletons in her closet.
But I wouldn't put all my eggs in that basket.
Jesse Waters says, Many people are saying it looks like Michelle Obama could be making plans for 2024.
Now, I got really scared when Joe Rogan brought it up because I think Joe does what Trump does.
He gets an inside scoop from someone reliable and then presents it as a Kakamimi theory he's just throwing out there so he'll look like Nostradamus when it happens.
So I don't like when Joe and Donald do theories about doom and gloom because I suspect it's not a theory.
Wow, that's crazy, man.
Yeah.
Jamie, pull that up real quick.
Is that Jesse Lee Rogan?
Yeah.
Yes.
But Jesse has a different angle on this.
I thought it was pretty interesting.
He's like, why is she going on a book tour?
She's got plenty of books.
She's got more money than God.
But yet she's promoting this book and going town to town.
Is she laying the groundwork?
Eight-minute clip, but let's see.
More on that in a moment.
In a new Quinnipiac poll, 71% of Americans are reappearing, hitting the airwaves to push her new book and tell us how awful America has become.
A lot has happened.
We've seen a global pandemic.
We've seen an insurrection, a rising tide of hate and bigotry and intolerance, and a whole lot more.
I've spoken to a lot of loved ones, many of you, about what we all seem to be facing.
And what has resulted from that process is actually my new book.
It's called The Light We Carry.
And I think of it as a kind of a toolbox.
Those eyeballs.
She looks exactly.
She has the tools to fix the problem in America.
Well, it certainly sounds like it.
Why else would she be writing a new book?
She doesn't need the money.
And this book seems awfully political.
Michelle's last book sold 17 million copies.
It wasn't as good as How I Saved the World, but you know, people seem to like it.
Let's just say she did really well in the royalty department.
And that's on top of the $65 million book deal her and Barack signed for their memoirs in 2017.
And the podcast agreement they inked with Spotify for 25 mil before jumping shipped to Audible since they couldn't be seen in the same room as Joe Rogan.
Or, you know, their Netflix production pact that could earn them up to $50 million.
Isn't it just funny how constant harping about racism and how evil America is pretty much destroyed this country and created the national divorce?
Trump showed up at the 11th hour to try to save the day, but he wasn't strong enough and the left had too much power.
And then they go into the private sector and start wokeifying and thus destroying all of these corporations.
Netflix started going broke as soon as they made everything woke.
Luckily, Joe Rogan pushed them out of Spotify or Spotify would be done.
They're just demons.
Alex Jones was right.
They're demons and they destroy everything they touch.
So if Michelle runs and wins, bye-bye.
Say goodbye to America.
That may have already happened, folks.
We definitely are going to agree to disagree.
I think we're going to have a nonviolent civil war where we have red areas and blue areas and nary the two shall meet.
And the blues get the cities and they get the crime and we get the country and the suburbs and we don't have the crime.
But we have gigantic razor wire around our little communities.
I see it upstate right now.
I stayed in one on July 4th.
Passes.
I had to show cards every time I went to the pool or went inside the gates.
Lock the gates.
And then last piece, someone tells Joe Biden that her husband's ruining the country and she says, thank you.
I like that guy.
You always gas money.
All right, let's get to the mailbag.
Let's Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a daddy.
Let's turn our eyes.
So I'm catching up on some purple flags here, Rye Guy.
Purp.
Germs, the best punk band ever.
I don't have any respect for Los Angeles.
I especially don't respect their punk scene.
TSOL, what?
Goth Band.
Circle Jerks, Reek.
Suburbia was a good movie, I guess.
But no.
Don't like it.
And the Germs suck shit.
They are cacophonous.
I never liked the germs.
I don't understand all the hype.
They sounded like a made-for-TV movie.
They sound like old skulls.
What?
And that's him showing the best they got?
They looked cool.
Darby Crash looked cool.
Don't get me wrong.
And I like their logo.
The circle there.
Is that the germs?
Oh, I see.
But in that picture, she looks kind of normal outside of her weird, frizzy hair.
But her eyes in that little infomercial about how we had an insurgency, and there's a rising tide of hate.
It's the same campaign as Obama.
She's talking about bringing the light.
He was like daring to hope, the audacity of hope.
Hey, Gav, have you noticed a lot of women you think are 10s look like your wife?
You don't say, I have a type.
Who knew?
I followed one of girls you said is a 10, which I think she is.
I wanted to share a couple recent pics she posted on Instagram.
This is so he's talking about the girl in the middle who looks kind of like what's her name from Bikini Kill.
I kind of like the yellow t-shirt better.
Um, yep, she's very attractive.
What would you say, Rygai?
That's up there.
Oh, there's Nip.
You're not allowed to get it.
We've got Bush.
I mean, she's pretty.
Three?
No, she's purdy.
So what would you give her?
Um, like a 7.8.
I'd go around 7.4.
But again, one man's 10 is another man's 7.
And vice versa.
Or remember when Larry Barnes, I said, and vice versa?
And he goes, yeah, and versa vice.
I miss that old coot.
Tim Dylan and Chris DiStefano talk ONA.
Oh, we were just talking about Chris yesterday with his TT 150, right?
Yeah.
I've never every platform at once.
See, this is guerrilla warfare now.
They come on.
The podcasters come on.
They try to get you banned immediately.
That's what we should all do.
We should all just go on each other's shows and try to get banned.
Like, try to get their show banned.
Like, I should just go on Taste Buds with Sal and DeRosa.
Yeah.
Great show.
And what I should do is when they're arguing about peanut butter and jelly, I should go, do you think black people have different skull shapes than white people?
Until they're taken off YouTube.
That's the only way we can win now is get each other kicked off.
Honestly, I would like to go back.
I was telling Ben before he got here, like go back to like Opi and Anthony vibes.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Do things like that.
Yes.
Because I think that's what real comedy is.
Yeah, we got to try to get each other banned.
Got to try to get everybody banned.
And, you know, we'll see.
They can't fire us all.
Milo's thing was always, nothing will change until normies get banned, like Ben Shapiro and Steven Crowder.
Yeah, I get that.
But my attitude is, I'm not changing.
Get fired, get in trouble.
Don't worry, I'm not ending the show.
But like, I'm just going to keep being me.
And that's why I want to make get fired maybe a little clearer.
I don't mean tell your boss to fuck off.
I mean more like an office space, like just keep being you.
Now, does that mean that you start denying the Holocaust and talking about race and IQ at every board meeting?
Obviously not.
Just some.
Just every third one.
No, it doesn't mean that you inject politics in everything.
But if everyone is, if you're a Trump person and everyone is sitting there shitting on Trump, don't say, yeah, I agree, he sucks.
And then go feel like shit at home because you weren't true to yourself.
Just be like, I'm not getting into it.
You're probably not going to like my opinion.
They go, wait, what is your opinion?
Wait, you don't hate Trump?
And go, no, I don't understand.
Like, give me some allegations.
You can keep it interrogative.
Keep it light.
Just don't betray yourself.
That's what I always say.
And then there's another angle to it, too, where I hear people quitting because they say like, oh, they're working me 12 hours a day or something.
And I always say, never quit.
Always get fired.
If they're working 80 hours a week and your contract is for 40 hours a week, come in 40 hours a week.
If you want to work Tuesday to Saturday and they say no, work Tuesday to Saturday until you get fired.
That's a smaller contingent of the get fired.
But what I really mean is don't not be you or you'll get cancer.
Now, if you're working at the most hyper-liberal place in the world, don't wear your Trump shirt.
But if they ask you how you feel about him, you could, I think at the very least you have to say, I'm not going to say.
Like Ronnie the limo driver on Howard Stern, he said, I'm not telling you who I vote for.
And then they were all saying, we're not going to be your friend anymore because you backed a white supremacist.
And he said, I never even told you who I voted for.
And they go, well, by not saying, you're saying Trump.
And that still pisses me off to this day.
In fact, come to think of it, that's around when I stopped listening to Howard Stern.
So it wasn't Stern's fault.
It was the gay Canadian, what's his name, Dave?
And then Jason, what's his name, the fat Jewish producer.
Who, by the way, in that same rant, called, called, oh, is this it?
Maybe.
He called Hasidic Jews a non-Jewish cult.
And he'll never get in shit for that.
What do you mean?
Like, I don't even give a shit if I vote anymore, to be honest with you.
I mean, I don't dislike Ronnie for doing that.
I think it's kind of lame.
You're an American.
You should have a fucking opinion about something.
Fred, why the fuck do I have to tell anybody who the fuck I'm voting for?
Plain and simple.
Why?
Why are you so afraid to tell everybody?
No, why do I have to?
Why do you...
Why are you so afraid to tell everybody?
Why do I have to tell anybody?
Why do I?
Maybe I'm not happy with anybody.
Then that's what I'm fucking saying.
Then take it.
I don't have to fucking tell you who I'm voting for.
No, you don't, but it probably would be a smart idea.
Why?
I think what Fred is saying, Ronnie.
Ronnie, I think what is saying.
Fred isn't even the worst of them.
And then that other dude, that closeted homo who buys Howard Stern's clothes for a living, Ralph.
Ralph, Jason, and Dave all came down hard on Ronnie for being a white supremacist because he might have voted for Trump, though we're not sure.
And the thing that pissed me off, too, is that's an elitist view to do that to working class people like Ronnie.
The Stern brand was built on the working class.
Ronnie's the only working class guy left.
And then they all turn on him like fucking jackals when they find that he's doing working class things like appreciating Trump.
Who, believe it or not, is kind of a working class candidate.
Yeah, to come to think of it, all of them look like weird plastic Hollywood freaks, and he's the only one who looks normal with a normal backdrop.
Gavin, this Crypt Eddie show has the sprinkles.
On the next episode, get him to interview Linda.
Also, the network is more inclusive than Star Wars, Batman, and Marvel combined.
And with the fag zone, you are the most progressive comedy company in the world.
Yeah, we're doing good for ESG.
Ended the busy weekend with my 18-year-old daughter's current boyfriend and ex-boyfriend fighting over her.
Okay, this is a little confusing, but what he's saying is his daughter and her new boyfriend had a conflict with her old boyfriend.
The ex showed up where they were hanging out.
He threw claws at the current boyfriend like a spigger, spig, and then a horrible word.
Like a spigger bitch, and her current boyfriend hit him with a right hook, breaking his front tooth and knocking him on the ground.
Some madness ensued and the police got involved, but fortunately no one was charged.
Boys got to be boys.
Very proud of the new boyfriend.
Yeah, that's a good sign.
This looks fucking awesome.
Bunch of Patriots doing cool man stuff.
I'm impressed with this engine.
You can whip up rapids?
Zoom out on this so people can see.
Oh, the title?
Yeah.
We should always do that, by the way.
You can go up whitewater rapids?
Cletus McFarland, jet box up white rapids.
That's a hell of a jet, buddy.
That's a hell of a jet.
What happens when you turn around?
You go a million miles an hour?
Dear Haggis and Fagis, saw your segment on antidepressants.
Want to share my take, given both my experience with depression and my degrees in psychology social work.
First off, psychiatric medication is more connected with psychiatry, which requires an MD to practice, hence the entrenchment with pharmaceutical companies.
Psychologists cannot prescribe medication, except in New Mexico.
But they offer therapy and may be fairly well read on what these medications do.
As with most healthcare situations, there's often a team of professionals, psychologists, psychiatrist, social worker, who collaborate to create a treatment plan.
There is some overlap.
For instance, a psychiatrist might provide a small amount of therapy time, but doctors and nurses can sometimes be a prisoner to the linear thinking they inherited from their schooling.
Blah, blah, blah.
Mental health is very non-linear.
We don't understand how the mind works.
I've dealt with depression in my life.
I think it's only partly caused by a chemical imbalance.
When negative things happen in your life, that might cause serotonin levels to decrease.
There might be some examples of people who are born with certain chemical imbalances.
Blah, blah, blah.
This was a lot more interesting the first time I read it.
Look at how hormone therapy for gender dysphoria has led to people committing suicide less than a decade later.
If I had to choose, I prefer to deal solely with the underlying issues of a mental health condition than deal with the additional irreversible psychological problems.
Just like alcohol, cocaine, heroin, psychiatric drugs do not solve problems that can be better solved with therapy, a healthy lifestyle, or improved environment.
And as far as therapy goes, be a chatterbox.
Like I have interesting conversations at my pub every fucking day.
And the IQ range is alarming.
You know how a woman's bell curve is like this and men are like this and we have the most geniuses and the most idiots?
That's my bar.
Like sometimes I'll be talking to more than one person who's special, like can't function in society, needs a social worker to come by and make sure they've showered.
And then other times I'll be talking to executives, guys in finance, very successful businessmen, all at the same fucking place.
And the conversations are all equally interesting.
Well, with the retards, it's just more like playing a game with a kid.
But as far as like blue-collar schlubs, retired cops, and successful guys in finance, same level of interesting.
And you get the therapy in there because you're telling stories, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You got to make sure you don't talk about yourself too much.
But you do like, this guy fell off a cliff, this guy's hit by a bus.
You do two of those and you can do, I got run over.
And then they do a couple stories, and then you have about 20% of the things you say can be about you.
20 to 30.
That's therapy.
And it's from someone who's not getting paid, someone who genuinely cares.
One of the main things you promote and have promoted over the years is for young men to put a ring on it and start a family, to have babies.
Lots of viewers have taken your advice to heart and better their lives for it.
Lots of us have babies.
We truly are baby monsters in more ways than one.
What a nice way to end the fucking mailbox.
Mailbag.
Let's get to the final video.
One of the things make America great again means is we want to get back to the 80s.
We're accused of wanting to get back to slavery days.
No.
No one wants that.
No one likes Nazis.
No one wants slavery.
No one's saying blacks should go back to Africa.
Calm down.
We just want the 80s back where you could be an asshole.
And you could have someone like Gigi Allen on a talk show telling people what to do.
If you're so proud of what you do, why don't you have the hat and the sunglasses?
You know, you'll never, I'll never.
I can put you right away.
I go to school so I can put people in the middle of the school.