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July 29, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:59:25
GOML LIVE #159 - BLIND OR PARALYZED?
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Time Text
That was Jay Riotard.
What was that song?
Come Save Me?
I think his big shit was My Shadow!
My Shadow.
Poor bastard.
It ain't going to save me.
It ain't going to save me.
I think that guy died of Coke, which is pretty fucking rare.
Yeah.
Pretty fucking rare.
I've probably done enough to kill eight horses in my lifetime.
You can have a heart attack, I guess.
But I think he was out.
Ladies and gentlemen, Maddie Odell is back.
Hello, everybody.
Once again.
The co-host of GOML Live.
We also have Ryan Katsu Rivera, a man who is wearing a bulletproof vest and nothing else.
How would Jack describe him at the pub?
He's slow.
He's special.
He's touched.
He's a simple man.
That's it.
Jack describes people like Ryan as simple men, which I like.
I feel like I'm a doad.
I think that's a politically correct way to refer to you, Ryan.
In the South, they would say, bless his heart.
Bless his heart.
He is a good person, ultimately.
Yeah.
And he can feed himself, and he washes his balls and stuff.
I'm preparing myself to forgive you.
You know what clip you're going to take from Whitney and I?
You need working on, boy.
I don't remember that.
It's the poacher talking to Withna and him.
And every time I'm being a pussy, in my own head, I'll just be like, you need working on, boy.
We have a new sponsor here.
Exciting.
Silk City Hot Sauce, the G Sauce.
Did I send you this, Ryan?
Silk City Hunter.
Now, I'm reading a script here, so it's not going to sound like me, but let me just do me first.
Grammarly correct.
It is a hot sauce called the G Sauce, and it is a spicy sauce that encapsulates everything about the show, but in a hot sauce.
And if you have hot sauce in your cupboard, wouldn't it be cool to have a little Gav sauce?
We're going to get this a GavS tab, actually.
Nice.
All right, so that's me being sincere.
Let me read the ad copy here.
I have an announcement.
I have my own hot sauce, the G Sauce.
There are only 500 bottles, so grab yours quick.
G Sauce is made by Silk City Hot Sauce.
And it's a signature hot sauce of GML, obviously.
It's funny, that picture, I was trying to be incognito at a Project Veritas event.
So I dressed sort of like a Vermont redneck.
And then someone took a picture of me, and I guess that's become my photograph.
So that becomes a, I ended up achieving the opposite of what I wanted to achieve.
Featuring a blend of smoked merita and habanero peppers, fresh melons, garlic, scallion, and sweet roasted red peppers.
It is a solid medium heat, slightly sweet and smoky sauce.
Perfect for eggs, chicken, steak, and breakfast tacos.
Oh, I'm excited about this.
That is pretty cool.
Yeah, I want this to be at our kitchen table.
We'll have to try it in Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen.
Yeah, yeah.
Definitely.
What's the next Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen?
I did a London Broil, baked potato, and Brussels sprouts with honey balsamic glaze.
So there's nothing spicy about any of that?
No, no spice.
But you did have a little bit of a kick to the meatloaf.
Yes, red pepper flakes.
Red pepper flakes.
Well, you should have had some G sauce.
The G sauce is available at silkcityhotsauce.com.
Use the discount code GAVIN for 15% off.
Buy a single bottle or buy a three-pack.
These things are flying off the shelf.
Not sure if that's true.
They're just announced today, but okay.
SilkCityHotSauce.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off your order.
You know, you want my sauce.
I don't like that.
That's a weird calm joke when you're selling food.
I don't really approve of that.
We have more sauces coming.
We currently have a Christmas sauce being developed with Silk City Hot Sauce.
Stay tuned.
SilkCityHotSauce.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off.
Hang on, one second.
Okay.
This vessel's a little deeper.
New vessel.
Here we go.
One, two, three.
And even this one's a little small, but it's deeper, so.
And bang!
And bang!
That's the scary part.
You don't know when it's coming.
Lovely.
Bang.
Here's the music.
Oh, yeah.
It's coming right now.
Holy shit.
Holy sneak.
That's called thermal shock.
I love how confused you are.
Oh my god, that got hit.
Yeah, I was not expecting that.
Look at that whatsoever.
Let's see it again.
All right.
I like to go frame by frame on it.
Let me see if I can get the original file out so I can scrub.
Yeah, let's do frame by frame.
Because I duck out like a schoolgirl.
Yeah, you jumped back pretty well.
I did.
Yeah.
I ducking out like a schoolgirl.
I was hit.
Oh, no.
I believe I was hit.
That's old.
Ryan, we had no idea you were hit.
Here we go.
I love how you didn't throw that out, though.
No, we took about an inch or two off the whole top of the and I don't think it was even necessary too.
I'm not sure that's 100%, but okay.
No, you would have been safe.
I ate it all.
Me, I owe Ryan.
Caroline.
I think my boxing skills are going to go because I get hit and then I duck out.
And you know what sucked?
Those glass shards were fucking piping hot.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, shit.
Because Pyrex dissipates the heat, so the whole dish gets hot.
That's why it exploded, like, not just one little section, and it was like a big plate left over.
Like the whole thing exploded.
What is Pyrex?
Well, you know, back in the day, that's what they used to cook kraken.
Really?
But what is it?
It's like a special kind of glass?
Yeah.
But what's special about it?
It's cooked at different levels.
I'm not 100% sure.
It's just the brand name is Pyrex.
Oh, it's the brand name.
They do like the brain.
Yeah, of course it's the brand name, but like what makes it special?
All that stuff.
It's very heat, you know, it conducts heat well.
Yeah.
Spreads it out.
Why?
How?
Okay.
Science.
A line of clear low thermal expansion borosilicate glass used for laboratory glassware kitchenware.
Okay, so it's a...
How did they come across that?
Yeah.
How did they come across anything?
Well, I know how they came across post-it notes.
They were trying to make the most intense industrial glue they could find, and they ended up making pussy glue.
And they're like, actually, this could be good if you just want to stick it on a thing and take it off and leave no mark.
There you go.
Let's embrace the pussy glue.
Which is what I said the day after I lost my virginity.
You know the way this works, folks.
Thursday is a special day.
It is the day of the people.
We get back in touch with our roots.
You call us.
You tell us we suck.
We look at letters.
You explain why we suck.
We also have the super chat.
Now, the super chat is you pay money.
We read whatever you, we read most of them, but we 100% guarantee we'll read the things that are over 100 bucks.
And the fun thing about the super chat is 100% of that money, I will not touch a dime, goes to Max and John.
Now, we haven't given it to them yet.
I've been giving them money for, remember the doodles we did for a while?
They got all that money.
But I want to give them like a big bag of cash when they get out of jail.
And I don't, I have no idea what we're up to with these super chats.
Let me just ask Ray now, live on the air.
Here's one for $100 coming in.
Let's see.
And then we give all that money to them.
How much are the super chats?
How much have...
I've asked him before.
He's not really great.
It's a problem with fucking Indians.
How much have we raised with the Sioux per check?
Here we go.
Would you rather be blind or paraplegic for $100 Bryce?
Blind.
Bryce is the guy offering a job to John when he gets out, by the way.
He says he doesn't.
Oh, cool.
He's that welder up in Rhode Island or New England or whatever.
That's a pretty good one.
Blind.
You're just going blind like that, man?
100%.
Yeah.
I had a cellmate that was when I was in the infirmary.
He couldn't...
He broke his back, like mid-back, and it was fucking...
No dick.
Yeah, that's a good point.
A blind guy can get a blowjob, and it's awesome.
A blind guy can pretty much be mobile.
I know, but I love beauty.
Tomorrow's episode is all about hot chicks on the right.
I think your imagination...
Move?
Your imagination's better.
Well, the other good thing about being blind now is you've seen shit.
So, like, say you were to meet a girl and you're single.
You're like, what are you?
And she's like, I'm Iranian.
Okay, I know that kind of level of beauty.
I know what you look like.
Snooky is the worst case scenario.
You feel her face.
You feel her tits.
And you're like, I remember chicks like you.
And now when you're fucking her, you can...
A mental picture.
You can, you can...
What?
A mental picture.
Well, yeah, but I'm talking about looks and stuff.
So now when you're fucking her, you can imagine pretty well what she looks like.
You could be like...
But yeah, I think Maddie's right.
Paraplegic, no dick, no legs.
And, you know, a blind guy, I'm a firm believer in a man's facility, a man's ability to command things.
No, I'm not going with you guys.
No, I'm going over here.
No, we're going over there.
You know, that really is what defines a man.
They have a sense of liberty and freedom.
He still has an essence of independence.
Yeah.
Do you want to do the show blind?
Well, I'm blind right now.
But the guy I had looking at our house in Costa Rica, the sort of house sitter, he was like, I live in a prison, a tropical prison.
And I said, fuck you, you bitch.
Life is awesome.
But now that I'm older, I realize what he was saying.
Like, he couldn't go to his mother's funeral in Chicago.
He was on the lamb for pot shit.
He couldn't go to his mother's funeral.
He didn't have freedom.
If he got pulled over for drunk driving, he was completely fucked up the ass.
So he always had that sort of Damocles over his head, and that's not what men like.
I'm sure women don't love it either, but I feel like with men, there's more pain there.
So, I mean, I've been blind for over a minute now, and it's not great.
Not great.
Well, my name is Ryan.
I'm sitting here in a blue dress.
You're wearing a blue dress?
Yes.
My pronouns are they, them, and I'm wearing a blue dress.
Okay.
You open your eyes.
I took it off before you saw me.
My name is Gavin.
I'm wearing an ironic t-shirt that talks about queefs, but a common sort of 80s monster truck thing, that culture was like, I don't break for faggots or something.
But in this iteration of it, we're talking about queefs.
And we're referring to if you're having sex with a woman and she was to go out her pussy, would you stop and be like, oh no, what the hell was that?
Or would you keep on going?
And we're of the ilk where you wouldn't even acknowledge it.
Didn't happen.
Just air.
Homevoice didn't like.
Just air.
So we don't break for quiz.
I'd love to explain that to a blind guy.
The drawing is very cartoony.
It's a monster truck.
There's like a hot rod rat guy.
Do you know hot rod?
I guess you don't know the hot rod sort of genre of cartooning.
There's a chick with huge tits.
You probably know what tits are.
She's a redhead.
There's a bong and a Budweiser.
It's available at Censor.tv.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
He's blind and angry.
Blind people are dicks.
The fuck a titch.
Deaf people are nice.
Hi, what are you doing?
They're like lesbians who get laid.
Blind people are assholes.
They're like fags who don't get laid.
My dad used to work at a hotel in Scotland, and everyone would fight to take the day off when a blind group was coming.
They're always complaining.
They're always mad at the world, which I get.
I'd be pretty pissed off too if God denied me eyeballs.
We'd like to thank Fop Metals for supporting the show.
This show is free because of sponsors like Fop Metals who have been here since day one.
The government isn't sure if we're in a recession or not.
They said we were.
They said we weren't.
They keep changing the definition of recession.
It's clear things are going real bad because we gave everyone a ton of money like an idiocracy.
Remember when George Orwell's 1984 and Mike Judge's Idiocracy were interesting works of fiction that have no bearing on reality?
Well, those days are gone.
Those are both documentaries now, and we are in them.
We gave everyone thousands of dollars not to go to work, and then we had a problem finding people to work, believe it or not.
We overprinted money.
We just kept printing it and printing it, and believe it or not, the dollar went down in value.
The left's justification for all this is, yeah, but it's bad in Europe too.
Yeah, you may have also fucked up.
And congratulations for that, by the way.
But we've fucked up royally.
And now we have no economic certainty.
So I believe it makes sense to allot at least some of your savings to precious metals.
Cash them in if you change your mind.
Cash in the silver, cash in the gold.
But allot some of your money to FOPMetals.com, P-H-A-U-P, not F-O-P, P-H-A-U-P-Metals.com, promo code GAVIN.
They've got all kinds of commemorative coins.
It's really unlimited how much you can spend on silver and gold and these precious metals.
But I think you would be remiss not to at least impart some of your savings to precious metals in these times of economic uncertainty.
So tomorrow we're devoting most of the show to Hot Chicks on the Right.
And I just, I think I forgot someone.
It's pre-taped because I'm going to be out of town.
But I forgot this chick, Cassandra something.
She works at News.
Amanda Milius, yes.
I forgot her.
But Cassandra, she's a boxer and she's Asian-y Castro.
Cassandra Castro?
That sounds Spanish.
Yeah, she's part Spanish.
Cuban.
That's the best one.
God must want us to mix if he's doing shit like that.
Maybe Castro is in her name?
It's funny when you're trying to remember an...
Kara.
I got it.
Kara Castranova.
Castranova?
Yes.
X-Boxer.
If your boner isn't already big enough.
Wait, what are you doing?
Kara Castranova.
Wait, is it that chick, the MMA fighter that was in Mandalorian?
No, I don't know why they keep showing her.
Yeah.
Look at that.
That is a fucking treat and a half, boys.
She's in the golden gloves there.
She's running for office.
What does she do now?
She does right-wing news.
Oh, nice.
Look at that.
That's a 10.
Why is she so linked to Gina Carano?
I wonder.
Because she's a female conservative fighter.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Gina Carano got fired from Disney and all that.
Right, because she made a Nazi analogy.
It wasn't even offensive.
She said, the way you're treating conservatives is not unlike the way they treated Jews during World War II.
And they're like, you're done.
And they use that all the time.
They use that non-stop.
It's becoming a deal breaker for me, by the way.
Anyone who uses a Hitler analogy, I'm just like, I gotta go.
That's a deal-breaker for me.
Another deal breaker is you're gonna get raped in prison.
Haha.
And when I say deal breaker, I mean, I don't want to talk to that person anymore.
I don't want to listen to them.
I'm done with this discussion.
This is a 10.
My friends thought I was crazy.
I've never watched female boxing.
Female boxing is actually, as far as female sports go, it's one of the better female sports.
You know what I mean?
We've watched female MMA before, man.
We've had a big fight this weekend, tomorrow, Saturday.
Yeah, I'm a little uncomfortable seeing a woman have her head kicked in, especially when it's someone like, what's her name, Fox, the tranny?
That's not very pleasant.
No.
And I assume they're both lesbians whenever I see it go down.
Yeah, it's golden gloves boxing right there.
But this isn't bad.
The way female basketball and female soccer is terrible.
Actually, this looks pretty bad.
I'm saying that's Amateur.
That's golden gloves.
Those punches don't look painful at all.
Go ahead.
I would not, if I was fighting these girls, I would not have my hands up.
I guess the battle is waiting for the other chick to get tired and then hopefully you don't throw too tired of a punch.
I guess in female boxing, it's about getting as many...
Look at those punches.
Jesus Lord.
Those are terrible.
They don't look remotely painful, do they?
Is the headgear just to keep their hair in place?
I don't know if it's mandatory in the Golden Gloves, but most people wear headgear.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, they wear it in the amateurs, yeah.
By the way, it turns out we got some intel from a baby monster of sorts, a very elite baby monster, that Pyrex isn't thermal shock proof anymore, and here's what you need to know.
Right, that's why I said it was thermal shock.
Yep.
If you've been a long-time user of Pyrex, you deserve to know that the company changed the quality of its glass years ago, which caused it to be less resilient than we thought.
The brand has been a kitchenware staple for over 100 years with its glass cookware, measuring cups, and more that could withstand temperature changes.
But in 1998, the Pyrex brand changed the type of glass used for its U.S. I Can't See products.
The brand first used bro-silicate glass, which could withstand thermal shock, i.e.
the glass wouldn't shatter due to strong temperature changes.
The new glass was soda lime glass, which is strong, but it hasn't stopped people's Pyrex glass products from breaking from time to time.
Cooking Light also calls out the fact that if you have vintage Pyrex glassware that's over 20 years old, it's a hot commodity.
That old casserole dish is sufficiently heat resistant and thermal shockproof and will withstand even the most extreme temperature changes since it's of the original glass.
That's sort of like my, I told you about my dishwasher downstairs at Gas Chaff.
I put anything in there.
I could put an abortion in there.
And it comes out looking like it's a brand new glass I got from a glass shop.
My super expensive brand new dishwasher upstairs.
Dude, I was typing it in the other day.
Normal cycle.
Three hours.
Jesus Christ.
Can you imagine how much glassware you could wash in three fucking hours?
I could do two restaurants.
Three hours.
I do most of my, I mean, in my house, I do everything by hand.
It takes no time.
I don't care what you got.
Give me baked on lasagna.
Like a crazy Thanksgiving dinner would be back before we had dishwashers, I remember it.
It would be like...
Oh, it would be...
Wait, wait, wait.
It would be.
It would be...
Wait, wait, what?
40, 45 minutes.
45 minutes.
Oh.
What the fuck are you wearing, dude?
Body armor.
A bulletproof vest?
Shoot me.
Is it bulletproof?
Yep.
I'd love to shoot you.
Shoot me.
And why no shirt?
It takes away the coolness of the armor, I believe.
I disagree.
Strongly.
Passionately.
With extreme fervor.
Can I tell you about shrinkflation?
We're talking about this casserole dish.
They don't make them like they used to anymore, folks.
The Chaco Taco being disconnected in.
Sorry, it's what?
Discontinued.
It's what?
Discommentened.
Vice Principal Black Tobago.
Not disconnected.
The king comes.
Remember we used to make fun of African politicians?
In the beginning.
He didn't even say that.
That was a fake meme.
Biden is worse than African politicians.
He did say this.
Each time when I come here.
Each time I come here, I'm abused.
Each time when I come here, I am abused.
Yeah, we're abused by your grammar.
So we're even...
What do you mean you're abused?
I'm abusing.
Someone slaps you?
Where's my fucking dinner, bitch?
From toilet paper to candy bars.
Companies hide rising costs by shrinking the size of everyday products.
Here is what they look like.
Now, this is a cool list.
And you've probably noticed this.
But Walmart great value paper towels went from 168 sheets to only 120.
That's pretty good.
What are you doing, Ryan?
Prices stayed the same.
When did this become consumer reports?
This is boring.
Just letting you know.
Look at this.
Why did you hijack the show to talk about the size of a Hershey's Kiss?
What are you doing?
This is real people blue-collar stuff.
Yeah, you don't have permission to hijack the show with your boring consumer reports.
I figured the Pyrex combo is...
Pyrex we could deal with.
That's relevant to the show.
But now the size of a tin of cat food.
And a kin of tat food, too.
And by the way, I saw you on Maddie's show call peas corn.
That's...
That's not...
That's true.
True.
Who the hell?
Let me give you a little...
And the corn.
Let me give you a life tip.
If the corn that you're eating is green and perfectly spherical, it's a pea.
Oh.
Yeah.
If it's yellow and it burns your tongue, it's urine.
Okay.
Now I'm going to take a really particularly juicy piece, mix it with the taters, a little bit of corn.
Corn?
Those are peas, pal.
What a meathead.
I said corn.
Those are peas, pal.
What a pee.
A pea brand.
Those are peas, pal.
Who looks at peas and goes, a little bit of corn?
A little bit of corn?
Who's in the moment?
I'm a real new metal fan.
What a fucking meathead.
We have a little more super chattage here.
All right, let's do the super chats.
Okay.
Any second now.
Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a normal IQ.
Whoops.
You think that peas are corn and vice versa.
And then, as Larry Barnes would say, and versus vice.
Ryan, don't post.
Don't post this.
Look up on YouTube Jacob Zuma each time when I come here.
I'm abused.
We just played that.
Thank you, Ryan.
And I showed it.
Sorry.
Okay.
Good work.
Good work, Rye Guy.
Thank you for contributing to the show.
I want that guy to get credit.
Let's.
Well, if they ask not to get credit, maybe don't give him credit.
Here's a good one, actually.
Yes, I know Kev Won very well from Bulldoze.
What's Bulldoze?
It's a hardcore band.
Oh.
He used to be in DMS, and he was a member of my charter, actually.
He was a member of New Rock Hells Angels?
Yeah.
Give us the juice.
Give us the gos.
Well, his name is Kevin.
Kev one.
He was the lead singer of Bulldoze.
And I spoke to him actually about two or three days ago.
Really?
Of course.
Is he still in the club?
No, he's living down in South Carolina.
And why did he leave the club?
I'm not 100% sure.
It was after your time?
No, he left before me.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Now, I notice you're very diplomatic and careful when the club, the motorcycle club, comes up.
I'm reluctant to even say its name.
Always.
But can you still give us some juice?
Any gossip?
I mean, he left before me.
I'm still in touch with him.
Like I said, I spoke to him literally like.
Yeah, that's not interesting.
We want gossip.
I don't know much is going on.
I mean, he's still, he's selling his t-shirt collection of hardcore t-shirts.
Does he have any allergies?
I don't know.
Okay.
But yeah, his name, I mean, I don't want to say his last name, but his first name is Kevin.
He's married, got two kids, lives in South Carolina.
Great dude.
Good dude.
What kind of motives you like to hook up with him?
He moved out.
He's been away.
What?
Been to state prison in New York and all that good stuff.
For what?
Assault.
Did about four years for it.
Big dude.
Stand-up guy.
He's got a bad temper?
At times, yeah.
Does he have a gene?
What was the assault that he went to jail for?
Should he have beat the shit out of that guy?
Okay, here's what they...
Here we go.
His hardcore name is Kev 1.
Right.
But his nickname that everyone knows him in the street is called Breeze.
Febreeze?
No, just Breeze.
Oh, Breeze.
Yeah.
I thought it was Febreeze because he's always so clean.
So fresh and so clean.
Yeah, he's a good friend of mine.
I know he's a bad man.
So why is he called Breeze on the street?
I don't know why.
I'm still going to know why.
And I think I don't know why.
How do you get your nickname?
I don't know.
Someone gives it to you.
Well, we know why you're called Baby Monster.
Yeah.
I know that, you know.
Because you have the dimensions of a baby and a very short fuse.
Yeah, but I have multiple.
I have like short stack, itty bitty, little angry guy, head and shoulders, Maddie No Neck.
I got a slew of them.
Maddie BT.
Yeah.
Maddie Blowtorch, yeah.
I know why.
And I think I know why.
Why were you called Maddie Blowtorch?
Maybe I ran a blowtorch up someone's feet or inside of their face.
Yeah, you know, just a little single.
You used to blowtorch as a torture device.
Map device.
Map gas, yeah.
Blowtorcher.
I see.
Years ago.
As one does.
As one does.
Sometimes you need to extract information.
Oh, I got some exciting news.
So we got Vegas and Dallas coming up.
I want to say to people on the West Coast, we're not doing the West Coast for a long, fucking time.
So if you're in LA, San Francisco, anywhere that's remotely near Las Vegas, I would highly recommend you come to the Las Vegas show.
It's going to be super fun, action jam-packed.
And then we're going to be out partying with you.
Come play poker with us.
Blackjack, we're going to be painting the town red the whole night of September 10th.
Tinyural.com censored live.
So West Coasters, we will make it down to California, Orange County at some point in 2023.
But as far as getting on the Cognitive Dissonance Tour, this is your opportunity.
And Ryan has put together a pretty impressive update on our previous sizzle reel that I'd like to show you.
Nice.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
Myland Pokemon Silvery speaker on campus here.
Fuck you, Norman.
He is a Canadian, writer, actor, comedian.
He's the co-founder of Vike.
No fuck another vagina, you gross pig.
I watched that and I said, this shit's too much of the fucking shit.
They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.
This is the part of Seth that's going to get real mean before I leave.
No more filthy.
You can they think we want to tell those kind of jokes.
Seems exciting, huh?
Yeah, cinematic.
Nice.
All right, let's advertise our last sponsor, which is Johnny Apple CBD.
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Ladies, if you're wearing high-heel shoes, put those on.
You've got the gummies that make you sleep through the night and have fucking amazing dreams.
Like, you should probably bring some popcorn to bed so you can sit there and watch the incredible trilogy of adventure and science fiction that goes on in your brain when you take a gummy before going to bed.
There's also the, I've never tried this, but Ryan's a huge enthusiast of the vapes.
The little cartridges, right, Ryan?
That's your area of expertise?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I love all things vape.
And, you know, this one has a scallone crossbones on it.
This one will get you ripped.
This one won't.
This one will just relax you.
And trust me, after these boxing workouts, you could use a little bit of poof.
I'll puff now.
Wait, after you work out boxing, you smoke a really potent non-THC hemp vape from johnnyapple.com.
Yeah.
And it calms down your muscles and it chills you up.
Calms down your muscles.
Yeah.
Okay, so you're not watching this show for scientific facts.
You're watching this show for opinions and experience.
And apparently this guy thinks that smoking Johnny Apple calms down his muscles.
We don't know what the fuck that means.
But if you go to johnnyapple.com, use promo code Gavin, you will get a 15% discount, like with all our sponsors.
And my pitch with this is, if you're a CBD guy, why get CBD from someone who doesn't support free speech?
What if you're buying CBD from someone who thinks Biden is really good at speaking English?
And Kamala Harris has some great sayings.
Why are you pouring money into asshole retard culture?
Why not pour money into someone who supported free speech since day one?
I'm not saying they're political, but they Are against political correctness, and they're clearly supporting something that could get them in trouble.
And they don't give a shit.
They happily support this show, and we appreciate them for it.
Much like Nita Fashions, who has also been there since day one.
So thank you, johnnyapple.com and folks at home.
Please support johnnyapple.com.
Support JohnnyApple CBD.
Use promo code Gavin to get 15% off.
It's fucking awesome.
All right, let's do the mailbag interstitial.
And then that gives us permission to harness all three avenues of input, which is super chats, the mailbag, and the calls.
There's probably another one I'm running.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Okay, that seems pretty chaotic.
What do we got here?
Let's put in Maddie because a lot of people will send us messages on like Friday.
And by the time Thursday rolls around, the Maddie message is long gong.
Long gong.
This is to you, Maddie.
Yo, boys, got a few recommendations.
Beef stew.
Oh, yeah, that's coming.
In the winter.
Philly cheesesteak.
Chopped cheese, yeah.
My problem with Philly cheesesteak is I hate American cheese.
I don't even think it's.
Traditionally, it's Provolone.
Is there any dairy in...
Oh, it's traditionally Provolone?
Yeah.
Because when you get it in Philly, it's the movie theater cheese, that fucking orange garbage.
Is that even cheese?
No, it's probably like plastic.
Yeah, I don't think there's dairy in it.
It's not plastic.
It's like maraschino cherries.
American cheese, yellow and white, are like molecules away from plastic.
Yeah.
Real dairy.
I'm never buying popcorn in a movie theater ever.
When I do Philly cheesesteaks, I use propoone.
Now, here's a question.
Are maraschino cherries man-made?
I'm not 100%.
I use Luxador.
I think they're completely artificial, like 100%.
They look like radiating red, like neon.
Yeah, they're blinding.
Like, I use, like, the cherries I use in drinks, like Manhattan's or old-fashions and stuff, are Luxador.
What do you mean when you use at your home bar?
You have mats to have?
Well, you know, I've been known to make a Manhattan.
Washington recently to see how many.
And old-fashioned every now and then.
Where?
On vacation and stuff like that.
Oh, right.
I don't really drink at my home.
No, you don't?
No.
I don't keep any beer or alcohol actually in there.
I actually have some homemade rum that was brought up from the South.
I got yesterday.
From it's like moonshine.
It's clear, but it's actually rum made from molasses and stuff.
Who brought that up?
Billy.
Oh.
Nicole's husband.
So wait, are those cherries, real cherries from real life?
Luxador, yeah.
After the cherries are pitted, they're placed in large bags where they receive their coveted color and flavor.
Oh, okay.
So those at least are real.
I guess I'm wrong.
Yeah, but it's artificially colored.
That's fine.
I don't mind that.
They just have to come from a real thing.
Ryan, look up Luxador.
Cherries.
Just to continue this request, Maddie.
Yes.
He wants some kind of tacos.
That's boring.
I don't know.
I love traditional tacos, but...
I fucking hate Mexican food.
I think it's all stupid.
And it's hard to eat.
There you go.
Those are the real ones.
Those are the real deals.
Cherries.
That's like $20 a jar for that little.
Something in a slow cooker, this person says.
I'll do split pea soup with ham hocks.
I love corn soup.
Am I the only guy that gets horny when you say split pea soup with ham hocks in it?
Oh, it's phenomenal.
Isn't that what heterosexual sex is?
Phenomenal.
Smoked ham hocks.
Okay, this guy is getting way too much attention for such a shitty email.
And questions/slash requests for both Maddie and Ryan.
I'm not invited to this.
Uh-oh.
What is your favorite beer, gentlemen?
I don't drink.
I drink Budweiser.
On a regular.
Can you juggle?
He wants you to juggle.
No.
No.
What is 7 times 13, Maddie?
7 times 13?
Yep.
It's 121.
That's a good technique.
You just used Gavin's technique.
7 times 13?
What are you, a madman?
What's my one?
What's the question again?
Yeah.
So 7 times 10 is 70.
7 times 3 is 21.
91.
91.
91.
Ah, shit.
Never do math in public.
No.
You know how much salt that would have been?
Oh, my God.
It came out of my nose.
We got a spit take.
That's the first spit take on the show, I believe.
Oh.
Wait, what did you say?
I missed that.
I said that.
You don't have to know how much salt that would have been?
Because I fucking know.
Oh, there's the brine.
Oh, my God.
That beer came out of my nose.
That is awesome.
This is for Maddie as well as Bossman and Horseshack.
Was this biker approved back in the day?
Circa 2005, I thought this man was a god.
Now I am questioning my own taste and morals.
Could it be why I chose a shitty musician husband?
Oh, it's from a lady.
And a few wasted years after with the same type?
Or is he the sexiest badass motherfucker who can sing his ass off?
No worries, Gav.
I raised kids till adulthood with the hubby.
So I guess she's no longer with this guy.
And the song is Crazy Bitch from Buck Cherry.
Uh-huh.
Buck Cherry's great.
This is called Maddie.
Is this gay or an example of the best cocaine?
But why is she asking Maddie?
Is this a Hell's Angels song?
Well, no, Buck Cherry, their first major single was I Love the Cocaine.
Oh, but does that have anything to do With Hell's Angels.
But was she married to the lead singer?
Oh, no.
So, how would I know about her husband?
Yeah, I thought it was like a Hell's Angels band.
That would be a good question.
Buck Cherry.
He married some super hot model, though.
That's a dumb.
You know what?
I want to get letters that are for you.
Yeah, I mean, this all goes, hey, reading non-screen letters that are fucking garbage.
Oh, here.
Fuck so good.
I'm on top of it.
Hey, make me feel alright.
We're so grateful to be a part of Crew Fest.
Molly Crew.
We want to give a shout-out to all the bands here today, tonight.
Any relation to Marashina or Luxador?
Give him a round of applause.
Give some love for everybody.
Give it up.
You guys ready for yourself?
This is garbage.
This band sucks.
Oh, he's jerking off with a microphone.
Wow, how cool.
Look at his stupid shoes.
He looks like the default singer and guitar hero.
LA.
This is why I hate LA.
This band is so LA.
Like, they had two massive hits like this.
Crazy bitch and I love the cocaine.
This is the song that, like, look at his retarded tattoos.
Are you ready to get sexy?
Dude, you've been ready.
I'm not ready to get sexy, no.
No, we're not.
Men aren't sexy, you moron.
Ew.
Like a fucking salt shaker.
Salt shaker.
Fucking salt shaker.
Yeah.
This is horrible.
I hate these guys' parents.
They're heroin chic.
I hate their parking spot.
I hate the person who watches their socks.
Look at that.
Playing the fucking neck of a guitar.
I hate the short order cook who made their fucking carrots.
I've never watched Buck Cherry before.
They've never been part of my life.
Yeah, they are good guitar heroes.
He looks like the lead singer of the.
Yeah, they look like a band from Guitar Hero.
Great point, Ryan.
Finally, you say something that's not retarded.
Thank you, sir.
They are pure Guitar Hero.
Holy shit.
I mean, the Dragon introduced a song out for like hours.
It's their big hit, man.
I mean, you know.
Look at his sexy dance.
There's nothing worse than men being sexy.
I love the crazy.
I mean, I love the cocaine.
It's a bigger hit than that.
Like, what's his name?
Bruno Mars?
With his little fedora?
Don't believe me.
Just watch.
What's worse than men being sexy?
Like, I honestly prefer drag queens and trannies.
At least they have already lost their minds.
But a man, a man being a sexy guy and talking, and fucking singing about sex is fucking gross.
Like that song, you can leave your hat on.
Oh, he's rapping.
You want to rehearse that?
This is kindergarten.
Everything.
This is a daycare.
Jesus.
This is not acceptable.
I disavow this.
The doors used to do shit just like this, but it's just, it was good because torture, what's up?
This is torture.
This is bad, yeah.
This is hell.
You know who else acts sexy?
Fucking this guy, rest in peace.
David Lee Ross.
What's his name again?
David Letterman?
Yeah.
I'm so fucking constantly acting sexy.
Hey, God, David.
You're not sexy, Dave.
Don't touch the pilots.
Bye-bye.
He was always a sexy slithering man.
This is the joke at the end of that Jack Black movie.
Chillo, it's a bass, School of Rock, where they lose to the sexy band.
It's been well established that male sexy singers...
Remember that guy?
He had a shirt that was like leather sleeves and then the front of it didn't exist?
Scott Wyland?
I think it was a fuck you to Scott Wyland.
But it's the band at the end of School of Rock that they lose to.
Yeah, yeah, let me see.
Terrible?
All right, let's, while you find that, because it's worth checking out, we should start taking calls.
Actually, let's say goodbye.
Let's say goodbye to the people here.
I'm supposed to do a Nita Fashions read.
I'll do that on Monday.
Fantastic clothing store.
They make all my suits.
They make life worth living.
Especially in the summer when they make you a nice linen suit or a light blue, thin suit where you can go to work.
NitaFashions.com, check them out.
I'll do a more serious read later.
Yep, I appreciate that, Ryan.
But I also want to find the sexy guy.
I love sexy guys.
Looking for the sex master.
The big show, five minutes, we might be able to find that.
Just like competition winners school of rock.
If you want to say the painter, maybe you just bear up on the page.
I cried like a bitch in this movie.
Great movie.
He was trying to be Angus there, though.
Yeah.
But the school boy thing?
Yeah.
Google Image School of Rock competition winners.
That seems obvious to me.
Should we do no?
If we do the interstitial for thanks for calling, does that change the background?
No.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it does.
It turns it into a...
Oh, here we go.
No, we don't want that.
We don't want that gay shit.
All those kids are fucked up now, by the way.
They all got addicted to drugs.
Kids should not be famous.
Being famous is weird.
It's weird to walk down the street and have people recognize you.
Adults can handle it.
Some adults.
But kids can't handle it.
They get drunk with power.
They get high with drugs.
And their lives are destroyed.
Every kid involved in that movie is an absolute fucking mess.
Don't get your kids into Hollywood.
Don't get them into movies.
All right, Ryan, I'm going to look it up.
I got the full movie here.
And it's going to go bad for you if I find it.
Did they play after Jack Black's band or before?
Yes.
It doesn't matter.
Contest winner.
I have the whole.
School of Rock.
And No Vacancy.
That's the name of the band.
Gotcha.
Okay.
So now I'm looking up No Vacancy in quotes.
And then I go band and I click Images.
And I have tons of pictures of the band No Vacancy.
Here I have School of Rock, No Vacancy.
I have found it.
I am looking at it.
I'm doing your job.
I got the pictures, and now we'll get the video.
Good work, Ryan.
Good fucking work.
Thank you.
Like, Jesus, H. Christ.
This guy's been doing this job for so long and he's inept.
So it's the guitarist of No Vacancy that I was talking about.
But you have no internet because you haven't ironed out that guy.
Oh, no, it's just a video.
It's just an image.
Okay, well, I'm not looking at an image.
I'm watching the hunk.
School of Rock-No Vacancy, you fucking loser.
Okay, okay.
No, that's terrible, unacceptable.
Tell you what I'll do, Ryan.
I'm going to copy this and email it to you.
No, I'll text it to you.
That is how bad things are.
I have to ask you to look things up.
You don't do it.
Then I find them and then I text them to you on your phone while I'm also talking and entertaining people.
It's amazing, sir.
It's too much of indecence.
Jesus H. Christ on crutch.
Why isn't this playing?
Oh, this is an internet issue.
That's the guy I was talking about in the background.
The guitarist guy with just sleeves.
As he's undulating in the background with his bass.
Like a six-string seahorse.
Oh, Jesus.
That is Buck Cherry.
That is Stone Temple Pilots.
That's all Ryan's favorite bands.
Nickelback.
No, they don't slither.
Excuse you.
They don't slither.
No, they don't.
They all slither.
All that grun shit.
No, they don't.
They don't slither at all.
Soundgarden.
They all fucking slither.
No, they don't.
Soundgarden does not slither.
Sorry.
You're wrong, and I'm right.
Like that.
Yeah, he's slithering his way into the abyss.
He's slithering out of this mortal coil.
My son is in there.
He's 10 years old.
My son's in there.
He's 10.
My son's in there.
He's 10 years old.
He's going to become a drug addict because he got too famous.
Let's do one call and then get behind the paywall.
Okay.
Well, we'll have to thank people for calling, you know.
Yeah, let's do it.
Here we go.
Thanks, guys.
You are on air.
This is a fucking loser.
You want me to learn, share, listen, understand why.
Hey, why does everyone get two things?
You have one thing.
Thank you for calling.
It was great hearing from you.
Bye-bye.
All right, next call.
This is a weird one.
A weird letter, Ryan.
I mean, Maddie.
There's a bar I've been frequenting called Hellgate on the park in Astoria, Queens.
There's a group of bikers that are always there.
Are you familiar with this crew?
I can't tell if these guys are old guys with Harleys or if they are indeed guys I should be careful around.
I like hanging out there because it's a Trump bar and they seem to like me, but my mouth has gotten me into trouble before with them.
I realized I'm a soft-handed faggot with good intentions, so they gave me a pass.
I made a bad joke that landed horrifically.
I mean, I don't know the name of the club.
I mean, there's tons of clubs in Queens.
You got the ghetto coalition.
You got regular guys that hang out with the major clubs.
So you never heard of a bar called Hellgate?
Hellgate?
Not off the top of my head, no.
Okay, good.
Tim Poole just stopped his live stream with Ariel Pink and Alex Lee Moyer after 10 minutes.
Ariel was talking about how cancellation doesn't work and the government will have to start killing people.
And Tim got all cocked and stopped the stream.
Ooh, that's juicy gossip.
Really?
What if he fucking?
Shut it down.
Are you chilling for the government?
I got the calls up.
And how you doing, Ryan?
Doing good?
I've already watched the entire clip, by the way.
I'm probably not setting up calls.
What?
You're probably not setting up calls.
Crazy.
You have to kill them.
No.
Well, no, you don't.
No, I'm saying canceling is not the answer.
No.
You really need to allow people to communicate.
It's so important.
Even people in prison.
I think their prison reform is so important that people have access to the outside world still and are able to communicate with their families.
Isolation.
They vote.
You know, we fought for their right to vote.
No, they don't.
I just shut it down.
No, they don't.
There's two states in the United States that allow people to get out of the way.
Force people underground and expect them not to go crazy.
Like you can do it.
And I feel like they're not.
No.
Well, no, you don't.
No, I'm saying I'm not.
It looped already.
He said he's going to shut it down.
Oh, wow.
Shut it down.
Why?
What even.
Was he a little bitch?
That was weird.
All right, let's take a call and then say goodbye.
Okay.
We have.
Oh, is your mic on?
Oh, shit.
I don't have a mic.
Yeah, it's on your wire.
No, it's not.
Oh, your microwave.
About your microwave.
Yeah, your microwave.
We got Mark on line two.
We got my refrigerator, everything.
267.
You're on till 11.
Go ahead, 267.
Hello.
What's going on?
Hey, what's up?
That was.
Can you guys hear me?
I got this fucking Bluetooth on.
Yeah, why don't you just talk on the phone normal?
Why use the Bluetooth?
I'm using my hands right now.
I'm watching you guys, so I'm getting a little.
What are you doing with your hands?
You know, stuff.
No, I don't know stuff.
I hate Bluetooth.
They're for retail.
I'm working.
I'm working.
I'm making some t-shirts right now.
Okay, that's fair.
What do you want?
Yeah, I saw this thing earlier today, and I wanted to get your opinion on how weak and pandering they are with this Bridney Granger chick.
You know, they're negotiating a deal with some Russian orange dealers for her and someone else.
You know, it's just because she's a lesbian black female.
Like, you know, that's like their target audience.
The guy they are negotiating, the guy that they are willing to set free is basically a Batman villain.
You could not get worse than this fucking dude.
Major arms dealer.
I was in MCC with him.
No way.
Yeah.
All right.
Thanks for calling.
Calling.
Victor Boot.
You were in MCC with this guy?
Yeah, I was there when he came.
He's one of our biggest catches as far as international terrorism goes.
And we're like, we really don't want this vape pen chick to have a bad month.
Yeah.
The number 25,000 is in my head for some reason.
Yeah, that guy.
Yeah.
He's like our best catch ever.
Victor Boot.
Let him rot.
Did you ever talk to him?
No.
Because even I was in the shoe at the same time in MCC, different from MDC.
Where Jeffrey Epstein was killed.
Yes, MCC.
Same shoe where Epstein hung himself.
Victor Boot was there when I was there also.
Hanged, and he didn't hang.
No, but the shoe was on the ninth floor.
And then you had where the terrorists and all the international people were on 10.
It was just a staircase that went up.
It wasn't like a real floor.
It was like a split level.
Right.
And they kept all the super international criminals up there.
But yeah, he was there when I was there.
Victor Boot.
Joe Biden is so fucking useless.
Here's how you get that vape pen chick back.
You say, give me the vape pen chick now.
You don't go, here's Russia's Osama bin Laden.
You don't trade Victor Boot for a basketball player.
No.
Sorry.
It's simple math.
Like, if we were pressing, you don't negotiate with Twitter.
If we were doing like fantasy football, but it was fantasy prisoner exchange, that would be, you'd lose the game.
Don't negotiate with terrorists.
This may overlap with tomorrow's episode because tomorrow's pre-recorded.
All right, we should get behind the paywall now.
We've given these people way too much free content.
So we are officially closing the free portion of the show.
We're going to continue to read super chats, talk to people, and read emails.
Thursday is getting in touch with the people day.
But as far as freebies, we're done with you.
So get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
Unt never stop fighting.
You know what to do when you want, and I'm sorry.
They couldn't carry a tube to save their life.
I am gay.
I am disabled.
I am a woman.
I am black.
Come on, now, dog.
Come on, man.
Jose, you control all his food and environment.
And my fucking boss, the CEO, wait, we're wasting gold here, Maddie.
Don't leave gold filings on the floor.
You can't drop nuggets like that, yeah.
So what happened when you were in MCC?
Oh, when I was in MDC.
What's the difference between MCC and MDC?
MDC is Metropolitan Detention Center, which is in Brooklyn, Sunnyside.
It's on 3rd and 26th.
And MCC is Metropolitan Correctional Center, which is on 150 Park Row in Manhattan.
Okay.
So you're with MCC with the pirate?
No, I was in MDC in 2008 to 2009.
And the pirate that took over the, one of the pirates that didn't get killed when they took over the Mersk, Alaska.
Is that the I Am the Captain Now?
The Somalian, yeah.
So you were in jail with I Am the Captain Now?
Well, I don't know if it was at that exact time.
Maybe they killed that guy, yeah.
One of the surviving pirates were flown to New York and held in federal court.
And Dobby, when I went in 2010 to MCC to finish up my full term, I had to go do all my time because I was violating supervised release.
Victor Boot came in then.
Well, he's free to go now because someone wanted to smoke pot in Russia.
If they let him go, they're nuts.
Oh, they're letting him go.
They're letting him go.
They're absolutely letting him go.
And if you recall, folks at home, we warned about this.
We said, we want her freed because she's an American, but we don't want to play Victor Boot.
We don't want to release Victor Boot.
I said that at least two weeks ago.
He's the largest arms dealer in the world.
It was our best get since the fucking Rosenbergs who got the electric chair for being fucking spies.
And here we are going, take the Rosenbergs.
Let them go.
Here you go, Russia.
Enjoy.
That's crazy.
Fucking crazy, bro.
And I don't really care about the actual individual.
I just care about how it makes us look.
Yeah.
Like, I was talking to some dude who was on vacation recently with Secret Service guys, and he was asking him, what's going on with the Secret Service?
Like, who's good, who's bad?
And they go, everyone sucks now.
It's all woke.
We were the best.
We're not anymore.
And he goes, who's good?
And the guy goes, the fucking Russians are insane.
Like, you go to shoot them, they catch the bullet in the air, and they whip it at your head, and you die.
They are the top elites.
They're better than us now.
He didn't say they're better than us.
That's my interpretation of what he said.
Please do a better job with Maddie's microphone.
Ryan, stop programming the show.
I don't know what that means.
Are you people having trouble hearing Maddie?
It's better if you really eat the mic so that way we don't get to eat the mic.
Exactly.
And yes.
Here's a strange take.
Calling Victor Bout a terrorist is fucking bullshit.
The guy sold weapons.
That's it.
It's not his fault that the people he sold them to did bad things.
Should gun manufacturers be called terrorists too?
What about Tony Stark?
Yeah, I would not appreciate that at all.
I attend a deal with the book.
Tony Stark's a fictional character.
I attend a deal.
I added the Tony Stark thing into the letter, by the way.
Okay.
I'm also legit.
Gav, whatever happened in the book of the day.
I used to, I had all my books at the old studio, so I would just pull one off the shelf and then talk about it.
Now they're at my home, and I don't feel like bringing a book in every day.
So I kind of dropped it.
Cleanse the palette with the darkest red by the agony scene after this crap.
I bet this song sucks.
I've never heard of any of this.
The darkest red by the agony scene.
This song is going to reek.
It's going to be new metal grunge.
It's going to be a huge bummer that we're all going to hate.
And.
New it.
Jump in the middle.
Thanks, caller.
Thanks for your input.
Great job.
That's terrible.
Jesus Christ.
Not a big fan of that.
I got to stop taking the Lord's name in vain, but you guys really test my patience.
We got 905 on the live.
What's up, 905?
Big fucking cakes!
Big fucking cakes!
Yeah, I'm going to come.
Nice.
I'm going to come.
So I was just diagnosed with herpes this week.
HPV.
Those are two different things, my friend.
HPV's a lot of people.
There's venereal awards and there's herpes.
You got...
Which one?
Well, I got herpes and they told me to take the HPV vaccine.
Oh, that's weird.
You're too old.
Do you have strong COVID?
Fuck that.
That's two different things.
I guess they're saying you're sexually promiscuous, so you're going to get venereal warts, so you might as well take the venerea warts vaccine because you're a slut.
But that's got nothing to do with your herpes.
I think the HPV vaccine was taken off because they were giving it to kids between like 14 and 18, that little window slot.
And I think it was fucking the kids up.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I had venereal awards a million times, and I have herpes.
They're not that bad.
The problem with herpes is something you would talk about.
I know you talked about it before.
I wanted to hear if you had any stories about it, any tips and tricks about outbreaks, anything.
The worst part of all SCDs is they hurt your ears because you get angry phone calls from girls screaming their fucking heads off.
Oh, herpes is what?
One in six people?
Everyone has herpes.
You're getting herpes.
Just give it up.
But, you know, when you're stressed out, you'll get them on your lip and stuff.
And it used to be like genital herpes and oral herpes.
Because of 69s, it's all the same now.
So when your parents are in town, you're going to get oral herpes on the outskirts of your lip because you're stressed out.
And as far as your genitalia goes, well, the first outbreak fucking sucks and hurts like shit.
But it's like 10 days.
And then you get another outbreak in six months.
And then you get another outbreak in two years.
And then you get another outbreak in six years.
And then it's like every seven lifetimes you get an outbreak.
Not a big deal.
HPV for men is not that big of a deal.
No, they blast.
When I was a young swinger, they would blast it with liquid nitrogen.
When women get it, it's the leading cause of cervical cancer.
Yes.
But sex is like not a big deal.
I was die from throat cancer from it.
Oh, really?
From eating dirty pussy.
Well, that was Michael Douglas, right?
Oh, yeah.
No, I knew a guy who actually had gotten throat cancer from HPV.
Yeah, but like these are sluts.
These are whores.
These are...
Not that I'm not one.
Look at that big ass.
Look at that big, juicy booty.
All right.
Thanks for calling.
Thanks for calling.
Did you see that schlong thing, though?
It's trending on Twitter.
Did Tucker actually say schlong COVID?
That's horrifying.
Things that are descriptive or precise, of course, are horrifying to people who want to control your brain because they give you too much information about what things really are.
As we said, we like monkeypox.
It's a great name.
But as long as they're going to change the name, we should have some role in naming it.
It shouldn't be left up to Tony Fauci and Deborah Burks.
So what should we call it?
Democracy Pox?
Long COVID?
Here comes the joint.
Dude, he has reached a new fucking level.
What the fuck is going on with that guy?
He is a motorcycle out of control.
He's a motorcycle with the wobbles.
Fucking death wobble.
Pank slapping.
Trending in the United States.
Schlong.
Schlong.
That's what it is.
Yeah, because you're getting fucked.
I did not see that, nor did I expect that.
Did you expect him to say schlong COVID at all?
What percentage of you?
No, but the beauty of it is it's perfectly viable as far as censorship goes.
Like schlong is not a verboten word.
He didn't say cock COVID.
57 words.
Yeah, it's free.
Adam Schiffless.
Schlong COVID, dude.
Oh, he actually put up a poll.
Hunter Hives midterm variant Adam Schiffelis.
Schlong COVID wins by a large margin.
Awesome.
Damn.
God bless Tucker.
How does anybody hate people who have Tucker or Trump?
I don't get it.
When I was talking to that bartender at Grand Central, and we're bitching about the State of the Union, and he just goes, and he had no idea that I've ever met Tucker.
And he goes, can you believe how fucked we'd be without Tucker?
Like, he sees the guy as our savior.
He's the guy saying the British are coming, basically.
The guitarist from No Vacancy is now a district attorney in Texas.
Thank you for that.
Here's a letter here.
Can't unsee Keith Morris as Chip.
Yeah, Keith Morris is Chip Chipperson.
I fucking hate that guy.
I don't know why I hate him so much.
I think I know why.
Like, Henry Rollins, Black Flag, those guys practiced eight hours a day, six days a week.
When I was in a hardcore cover band, we tried to cover Black Flag and Bad Brains.
It was fucking too hard.
Like Cro-Megs, with all due respect, Cro-Megs and what's the other big New York band that we used to?
Agnostic Front.
Agnostic Front.
Easy peasy.
Like super easy.
Bad Brains and Black Flag are jazz.
And for some reason, circle jerks are in the same category and they're fucking retard rock.
They suck.
They only have one good song, which is, what's it called?
Out on the streets or whatever.
And it's a cover.
I hate these guys.
And Keith Morris is just a weird loser nerd who has just kept riding this hardcore thing.
He's like Tony Hawk.
He has Tony Hawk's career, but he can't skate.
So that's the video.
Now it's people spending hundreds of thousands of dollars making him look cool.
He's such a nerd.
He shouldn't have one tab of acid in a bag.
What?
What?
Is that how you buy acid?
It's in a bag?
Who buys one tab?
Who the fuck?
I want to know.
Who again?
626.
In a bag?
You're on the licks.
Go ahead, 2626.
Hello.
Who?
You.
Who?
626.
626.
Oh, what's up?
What's going on?
Yo.
What's up?
Miguel here, and since today you were talking about LA or Hollywood and Mexican food.
I'm a Mexican-American in LA that loves Mexican food.
So I think you just hate spicy food.
You think I hate what?
What was the last part?
Spicy food.
You know, you think you have some kind of...
I'm a spicy food lunatic.
About 30% of my pisses and shits hurt my orifices because I eat so many jalapenos.
So you're wrong.
Well, I don't know.
This morning I had a breakfast burrito.
It was pretty bombing.
Well, this morning I didn't have a care burrito, so thanks for calling.
Tamales?
You don't like tamales?
What are tamales again?
They're like in a corn husk and they're made of like a break.
Yeah, corn husk.
Like, what are we doing here, guys?
Look at it.
Everything is just barf.
It's just a pile of food.
It's pre-digested.
It's just exactly.
That's like, did a bird eat that and then barf it into your mouth?
And look at the delivery.
Like, you look at a cheeseburger.
It's ready to rock.
You can ride your bicycle and eat a cheeseburger.
What the fuck is that corn husk?
That's a pastelle.
Am I supposed to eat the corn husk?
A pastelle is a pastelle.
And shit's always falling everywhere.
You're always eating it sideways.
Pastale is like mashed plante.
What is that?
Why is it wrapped in a thing?
That's like caveman.
Is this naked and afraid?
Why am I putting my food in some weird corn thing?
It's cool.
That's a pastale.
No, patelle is a little different.
It's made, like you said, with smashed plantains.
This is made of mashed plantains.
This is plantains.
Mini bananas.
They're great.
I go to the coochie feed.
Look at that pile of food.
It's like Israel.
When you go to Israel, they're like, oh my God, where do you have the food?
Where do you try that red dip?
And you're like, the red dip is just minced tomatoes.
It's salsa.
And they lay out all this shit.
This is in the entire Middle East, too, not just Israel.
They lay out all this shit in front of you.
And it's the day after Thanksgiving.
It's a pile of leftovers.
And you grab this thing and you dip it in that thing and then you scoop up this thing.
That's not interesting to me.
Like Maddie's shitty little kitchen destroys the entire Middle East.
Yeah, 100%.
Peas and that stuff with the glazed meatloaf.
That's a meal.
The smashed potatoes, the meatloaf, the corn, according to Puerto Ricans.
Ryan.
And you eat that up.
Thank you.
That's a normal bite.
All of this, like, look at that sludge.
Mexican food is sludge.
Oh, you love tacos.
Fuck tacos.
It's a half-folded piece of fucking pita bread with a pile of shit in it.
And you can't eat it normally.
It's falling everywhere.
It's not a good design.
A burrito, yeah, you could argue a burrito is a pretty good design.
But it's no cheeseburger.
The males y pateles.
Which one is it?
The males and pateles.
Fuck you.
Which one better, man?
I think the pastele all day.
I love pastel.
Me too.
What is patele?
It's basically a Puerto Rican tamale.
Puerto Rican.
They're a tamale.
maize they use.
I'm so annoyed right now.
Delicious.
I'd rather watch gay porn than hear about a Puerto Rican tamale.
You can do both.
Thank you.
Yeah, I think I still stay on the line.
Sorry, sir.
Bachelor Party 206.
You're on the licks.
Go ahead, Dad.
206.
Uhuru.
Uhuru.
Hey, so my younger brother is 22 years old and getting married.
He's a listener of yours and definitely was inspired by that getting married young idea.
Great.
I'm trying to plan his bachelor party.
I'm his best man.
So how do I plan the best bachelor party I can for this guy?
Thanks for calling.
Hookers and cocaine.
It depends what the group wants.
If they want strippers and shit, then I would just recommend going very mainstream with it and like finding, like when I planned a bachelor party for a New Yorker who wanted strippers and everything, I went to the Village Voice, I went to the back page,
and I found like party girls, whatever.
And we got a limousine.
And it was good that I didn't go through a friend to a friend.
I just did a very generic Costco kind of setup.
And the strippers were in the limousine.
They were eating each other out and partying.
Yeah, good point.
And for a moment there, all the guys were by them like this.
And they're like, no, no, no, no, no videos, no videos.
And they go, we're not taking videos.
These are flashlights.
We want to see every fucking detail.
And the limousine company obviously was in cahoots with the various bars we visited, which is fine.
I don't care what bars we go to.
So it was like strippers in the limousine bar, strippers.
And that's because I called a very well-established company that has done this a million times.
However, my personal experience has been men are shying away from the whole strippers and coke thing.
My bachelor party had zero naked ladies.
It was dudes.
There was drugs.
There was booze.
There was no food, actually, which was problematic.
I think we ordered pizza one of the three days.
And it was just three days of intense focusing on alcohol.
And my brother's bachelor party is going to be the same thing.
And I'm not judging either side.
I get the stripper thing.
But I think the stripper chick thing makes more sense when, you know, you've had like three girlfriends and you're never going to kiss a girl on the lips again.
And now you're with a lady forever.
So you want one more smooch, one more set of boobies.
We've all fucked like 700 women in the ass and then fucking jizzed on their face.
So the idea of like, I need one more kick at the can, I think has died out, especially with porn and everything.
So this is, I'm judging this just from my own personal experience, but I think that bachelor parties have become just the guys.
Now, I don't know what your friend, what your brother wants.
So you got to find out if your brother wants A or B. If he wants B, it's EZ Ps.
You find a guy with a farm who wants to have a big bonfire.
And if it's A, don't get adventurous.
Don't do friends of friends.
Go very mainstream.
Someone who's done this before.
And by the way, even the most mainstream fucking dudes who like rent a stand-up limo, that guy's going to have Coke.
Sorry.
So you don't have to worry about getting Tony Soprano to set it up because you're a bad boy.
No, no, no.
The most mainstream clinical bachelor party company has whores and coke and everything bad.
So don't worry about that.
But the good thing about the mainstream shit, when they take an ad is you can sue them if they fuck up and they're not going to steal your money and it'll be, you know, legit.
That's my two cents.
What if David Busters and Hooters merged?
Where it's like you have strippers and then games.
Video games?
No.
Great idea.
Here's a letter.
Boomers fucked us again with election fraud.
Hey guys, I'm one of those people that absolutely detests the conspiratard right.
I was enemy number one to the most influential QAnon grifters, and I've been vindicated on every single issue.
These are largely normies and boomers who fall for every single made-up piece of info thrown at them.
Mike Lindell's efforts to prove election fraud is a perfect example of this.
People that gained influence in this movement were able to influence people like Lindell, all while never even having any sort of expertise on the topics they were commenting on.
So what happened now?
Matt Brainerd and Look Ahead America took time to investigate Lindell's claim of more than 20,000 fraudulent voters participating in the 2020 election in Wisconsin.
Lindell's proof?
They all had the same phone number.
Rather than look into it, Lindell claims this definitive proof of election altering fraud sorry, Lindell claims this is proof of election altering fraud.
The problem?
A simple investigation reveals that the system in Racine County, Wisconsin used a default phone number for the voter rolls when no phone number was provided by the voter.
When Look Ahead America dug deeper, the numbers got worse.
I've attached screenshots of the key parts of the report with the relevant info highlighted and the full report is linked as well.
I find it amazing that everyone knew the mail-in ballots were the least secure method and would likely produce massive fraud, yet that was ignored at every turn.
Why?
Because the conspiratard right thought that super hackers and voting machines was much cooler.
Those influencers consisted of General Flynn, Lynn Wood, Sidney Powell, Ron Watkins, a literal nobody LARPer, and many more.
They relied on known fraudsters to help them make their claims.
One of the women advising Powell was a career scam artist and con woman who had recently claimed to be a brain surgeon and a high-tier CIA intelligence analyst.
It's classic Dunning Krueger.
I don't know what that means.
They all knew nothing.
They all know nothing, and that's what makes them so confident.
They fucked us at every turn.
Had we been able to focus on mail-in ballots, we could have had a fighting chance.
We have to save the boomers from this perpetually harmful Scam.
They may be retards, but they're our retards, and they don't deserve to be swindled.
Likewise, we don't deserve to lose as a result of grifting scumbags.
This is the Dunning-Kruger effect.
I see.
That reminds me of a QAnon dude who sent us a letter about Chrissy Teigen.
And I'm an anti-conspiratorial dude generally.
But man, when you look at Chrissy Teigen's tweets about fucking kids in a row, it's pretty bad.
Disturbing.
Hey, Gav.
Hope you're well.
Quick point.
I'm not sure if everyone realized in the 2016, the order was issued to all celebs and people of power.
The order states, if you assist Donald Trump to get elected, all of the black man material will be released in a coordinated media campaign.
Your life will be destroyed.
Now, I believe that Jeffrey Epstein's island was a Mossad.
It was an Israeli secret police endeavor wherein Israel noticed that the left was starting to turn against them.
So they said, let's get Clinton and his friends to fuck young girls.
And if they talk shit about us, we'll say, we're going to destroy your life.
So be a Zionist or else.
That's what I believe.
I think it's a good theory.
I've triple-checked it in many ways.
But this guy is saying, no, it was a Trump thing, where if you shit on Trump, no, if you don't shit on Trump, we're going to ruin your life.
If we don't feel you were taking Trump enough, blah, blah, blah.
You also have Rosie O'Donnell, Joy Beher, Chelsea Handler, Tom Arnold, who gladly shilled for Epstein's group.
Then they have this guy, Isaac Cappy.
I've never heard of him.
Great guy.
He exposed Seth Green for having kids in his private mansion behind a secret bookshelf wall.
What?
Isaac screwed up and said something he shouldn't have said.
We never found out what it was, but his last live stream explained this all.
He said, guys, it was just so stupid what I did.
I messed up.
Put a lot of people in harm's way.
It was so avoidable.
Who's Isaac Cappy?
Is he dead?
Did the Illuminati kill him?
Yep, he's dead.
Funny Jewish-looking dude.
It roles in the films Thor.
He was an actor and a musician.
So Seth Green has a secret room behind his house?
I mean, behind his bookshelf, where he keeps kids?
That's not cool.
Anyway, so fuck all that.
Just look at these texts.
Let's assume they're true for fun.
And it's amazing how much, how many times she alluded to sex with a child.
A little boy in the pageant now, finally some eye candy for me, toddlers and tiaras.
Oh, this is going down Pizzagate rabbit hole.
That's kind of weird.
Like, there's plenty of eye candy for men with toddlers and tiaras, but finally a boy is in it now.
Now I can get horny.
Okay?
I just saw a baby that looked like a porn star.
What?
Like a trashy do-anything porn star.
Is this wrong to think?
Like, that's not the end of the world as a joke, as a one-time thing, amidst a sea of other silly jokes.
But seeing little girls do the splits half-naked, just, I want to put myself in jail.
What?
Skinny pedos drink pedo light.
Okay, pedo joke.
Johnny and I are on our way to the Hollydale.
Karina Bellanoff is serving a nice four-old cheese pizza with adrenochrome.
Let's assume she said that.
She's a weird-looking fucking human, isn't she?
They both are.
Look at those weird human beings.
They look like aliens.
Their kids could either be gorgeous or elephant men.
I am not an animal.
I'm a human being.
Joe Biden's Twitter account follows 11 White House affiliated profiles and Chrissy Teigen.
Brad Pitch has handed us a pizza.
It's actually so ridiculous.
Plain just laughs hysterically.
I'm going over pizza.
Woke up this morning with pizza on my chest.
I don't really stop laughing and make fun of all my friends who are held hostage.
What?
And fed cheese sandwiches on Tropical Island.
I'm sorry I can't help it.
I love you so much.
I don't know what the fuck that means.
Kevin Shocky, nah.
He just said the cleanest and best pleasure is to have sex with a 13-year-old.
Up until that, haha.
Okay?
I am about to Anthony wiener this kid.
I know what parents go through when they are forced to tie their kids up in the basement.
You have to do it, but it's icky, am I right?
Like, individually, none of these tweets, or at least most of these tweets, aren't the end of the world.
But it's the culmination of them all together that gets you suspicious.
I can't think of better company for International Women's Day than Speaker Pelosi and Chrissy Teigen.
Of all the celebrities in the world, like, what has she done?
Nothing.
Was she on Baywatch or something?
I don't know what she's done in the real world.
I know she's all over Twitter.
I know she's married to a famous black guy.
Well, the fucking kids, fuck her.
I'm John Lynch.
Chrissy Teigen.
Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.
Okay.
That's pretty much it.
And then, like, co-hosting lip sync battle and other dumb shit.
That's not real.
Alright, let's take a call.
Okay, we've got...
Oh, marriage question.
931, you're on the lun.
Hey, am I on?
Yes, sir.
Am I really on?
Yes, whoa, holy crap.
Okay, well, hey, Gavin, you really changed my life and inspired me to get married and stuff, just like fucking random chicks and stuff.
And so I've been married and we have a child and he's the most perfect little boy.
How old is he?
And he's 18 months.
His name's Bo.
Is he walking yet?
Yeah, yep, he's walking and says daddy and mama.
Yeah, it's amazing.
It's the best thing I ever did with my life for sure.
And but the problem is, is me and his mom, you know, or you know, my wife aren't, we're really not getting along, and she's talking about leaving me.
And yeah, sorry to get emotional, but I'm just, yeah, I wanted your advice.
You know, she doesn't respect me, and she, like, really tries to, like, cuck me a lot.
And I, like, you know, just by being disrespectful, not, like, cheating on me or anything, and just, like, saying mean things and, like, slamming doors and storming out of the house and stuff.
And I recently got, like, really mad at her and, you know, yelled back at her.
And, you know, that was like a really bad mistake.
And I feel horrible about it.
Long story short, what I'm getting at is how do you handle a wife that doesn't have any respect for you and doesn't treat you well?
Like, I'm really struggling to keep this relationship together.
Well, I can tell you what I do in my marriage is I slap the shit out of my wife.
I punch her in the face.
I throw her down the stairs.
You'll notice if you ever meet my wife, she has giant sunglasses on, and she'll always go like, I'm such a klutz.
And she'll have like a foot brace on or a crutch, and she'll be like, there I go, falling down the stairs again.
Like, make sure when you hurt her that you give her a story so she can explain her bruises.
And if you hit her, hit her with the telephone book.
Yeah.
The sunglasses don't even do the trick, though.
She looks like Johnny Depp in Once Upon a Time in Mexico.
Yeah.
I can't hear Ryan.
I can hear Ryan, but I can't hear what he's saying.
It's all right.
Just a dumb joke.
It's a terrible joke.
Look, I don't know all the nuances of your relationship, but divorcing with a one-year-old is fucking insane.
That's retarded.
There's no major thing like a lawsuit or, I don't know, a terrorist attack.
There's no reason to divorce at one.
You got to steer the ship.
Now, if she's being a crazy bitch, there could be all kinds of hormones.
Postpartum lunacy, I guess, can go as late as a year.
That seems pretty late.
But I would recommend if there's a huge fight, she's screaming and ready to kill you, and you want to murder her, and I totally get that, by the way.
I've been there.
You leave.
But don't do it.
You don't leave, but you go away for a couple hours.
That's actually where I am right now, and I can't believe it worked out to where y'all were doing a live, and I could call in because that's what I'm doing right now.
I left, and I've been gone for about three or four hours now.
And don't be gone for a crazy amount of time.
Just remember.
Don't be gone overnight.
Cooler minds prevail.
Cooler minds prevail.
But if she's hysterical, what are you going to do?
Win the argument?
So just go away for two hours, three hours.
That's a long time as far as adrenaline goes to calm things down.
But you've got to keep control of the marriage.
You have to draw a line in the sand and say, this is what we're doing.
We're staying together.
You know, you're not cheating on her.
If you're like doing Coke all day and forgetting to pick up your kid at daycare, your kid's too young for that, but you know what I mean?
Like if you're constantly fucking up, that's one thing.
But if you're not sinning, you're not fucking up, you're not a drunken drug addict, you're not wrecking your life, but she's still mad at you, you've got to just sort of take it on the chin and go, look, we're going to get through this.
I don't want to fight with you.
If you want to fight, I'm going to leave for a couple hours.
I think sometimes with a lot of women, it's a test.
And it's like, I want to see if you're in for the long haul.
I'm going to be a nightmare and see if you buckle and leave me.
If you can take me at my worst, you're worthy of my best.
Yeah, they want to give you their worst.
Yeah.
And see if you're in.
If you're handle my worst, me at my worst, then you can take me at my worst.
So take her at her worst.
And don't hit her.
Don't get mad.
Don't punch holes in the wall.
That's the cross you have to.
But also don't be a cuck and say like, I'm so sorry.
Okay, what should I do?
You can't be that guy.
You have to be like, no, look, this is what's going on.
We're going to keep doing this.
We're going to keep doing that.
And if you want to have a temper tantrum, I'm going to leave for a couple hours.
But I love you and I'm going to stick by you.
And I've also noticed the best way to please your wife is to please your kids.
And a woman, when she sees you playing with your kids and enjoying them, I don't know.
It seems to be the best way to impress her.
Like, if I want to fuck my wife, nothing does it better than me taking the kids out and having a mini putt and mini golf and fucking rock climbing and stuff and doing all kinds of shit with them.
Not that I do that with them to get laid, but nothing seduces her more than me focusing on the kids.
Because I think it says to her subconscious, I chose the right partner.
So I guess what I'm saying to you is the stupidest thing you could do is throw in the towel or get mad at her and want to fight her.
Those are both death sentences.
There's no future there.
You need to stick with the kids, focus on the kids and the kid.
And let her fucking blow off some steam.
Tough times don't last.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I'm Irish too.
You know, I descend from, my family descends from Wales and Ireland.
And yeah, maybe I just have a really bad temper because like, yeah, like the thing she does, like, I thought that too.
Like, I got to take this on the chin.
I chose this woman.
This is my cross-debt.
This is my responsibility.
And that lasted for like two days before I was like, fuck.
You know, like, you got to take Irish therapy.
It's called boxing.
And every morning you just punch a giant leather bag literally hundreds of times.
And when you do that, It just changes your whole demeanor.
There's no relationship that doesn't have rough patches.
Yeah.
It just makes you appreciate the good times more.
Yeah, and no one's saying, don't lose your temper.
Just don't lose your temper at her.
Right.
Go punch the sand.
Go punch a hill.
Go punch a tree.
All right, thanks for calling.
No problem.
Thanks, yeah.
Yep.
I've got to get his number because if they get divorced, I want to fuck his wife.
You're a married man's son.
Well, if my wife dies.
In a plane crash.
I don't want my wife to die.
I've seen the women in my league, and they are hideous.
Yikes.
Terrible.
We got Daniel on the line talking about drugs.
I love drugs.
Another first.
Another first.
Drugs.
587.
You're on the level.
How's it going, GavTown?
Or actually, Gaviitis and China.
And what's up, Maddie?
What's up?
First time listener.
Actually, I changed my idea from drugs to...
I saw this thing on TikTok, and it's about China and Russia doing a currency together based off of minerals.
Yeah.
Minerals.
And they've already been buying fuckloads of gold for how long so?
Yeah, so will it be based on gold or based on other precious minerals?
I don't know.
I was thinking it was like uranium and probably gold, I was thinking, yeah.
Wait, myanium or uranium?
I think our uranium.
Okay, well, then good.
If it's myanium, then I already have a major stake.
I'll definitely buy out uranium.
Yeah, that is really disturbing and confusing what is going on.
And I think I'm kind of scared, to be honest.
America, America needs to recognize that Russia and China are our enemies.
They seem to have figured out it out with Russia, though I'm suspicious of their motive, especially with this Ukraine shit.
But with like China, China doesn't like us.
But China's playing the long game.
Yes.
Yeah, especially with the game.
Russia is not, with Putin in charge, Russia is not playing the long game.
I don't know if China would back Russia 100% because they're playing the long game.
Yeah.
They're playing the 100-year fight.
By the way, those are not a great pair of enemies to have.
One group that wants to stab you tonight and the other group that wants to slowly poison you until you die.
Well, you also have to understand, there's tons of Muslims.
I gotta go, but shout out to Muslims and King Calgary.
Look it up.
It's hot sauce.
Okay, bye-bye.
Take care.
This guy gives us a homework assignment and his goodbyes.
I gotta look up some fights.
Russia and China are great adversaries right now.
To be in the same camp.
They got two different gameplays.
No, but that doesn't matter.
Two people want to kill you.
It doesn't matter if they're friends or not.
Most important stories of our lifetime happened this week.
One of the most important stories of our lifetime happened this week, and almost no one covered it.
Russia joined forces with China to create their own new reserve currency.
Officially.
Yes.
Let me explain what this means.
This means that the new reserve currency won't be the U.S. dollar for one thing, which is earth-shattering, right?
But it's also earth-shattering for another few reasons.
This new currency will be based on rare earth minerals, guys.
Gold, silver, uranium, nickel, copper, real tangible things, guys.
This means that Russia and China are tying their country's fortunes to minerals out of the ground and then sell to the rest of the world.
Just look at how Russia started.
Yeah, that guy's name is David Fopp.
I don't know.
This name is pretty hot, by the way.
Oh, very tattoo.
Texy guy.
Yeah.
Tall, dark.
He's wearing a V-neck.
He's literally tall, dark, and handsome.
I mean, that's what we're going for.
And cool.
Look at that.
He's got a guitar.
He's got a guitar.
He likes to rock.
He's so fucking gay.
That's like Tim Pool shit.
I don't know.
You have a sword behind you.
Don't put a guitar in your background, dude.
Like cryptocurrency, like Bitcoin, is owned by fucking Russia.
It's Bootin.
So it's not...
There's never...
Other than the U.S. dollar and the pound sterling, that's the world standard.
Yes, but that may be shifting.
Especially when the entire turd world is fixated on cryptocurrencies and phone stuff.
I understand, but like, remember that Moneyball movie where instead of getting the best baseball players, they just had a ton of mediocre players and they ended up winning the Oakland A's with Brad Pitt?
Russia and China can get a bunch of mediocre players and destroy us with sheer numbers.
Hit it.
Believe it or not, Russia's population is fucked up.
Is what?
It's fucked up.
What do you mean it's fucked up?
Their population isn't as strong as it used to be.
Because, one, they export a lot of fucking women in a slave trade factory, but they're not having kids.
What do you think the population of Russia is?
Currently, compared to like the 90s?
I'd say there's probably a 40% decrease.
There's 144 million.
Okay.
Half of our population.
What was it in 1990?
Population of Russia, 1990.
It was sane.
148 million.
It went down 4 million.
Well, that's pretty big.
Wait, wait, that's pretty.
Wait, that is going down because all the populations are going up.
So if it goes down at all, that means it's not growing with everybody else's bucket.
I mean, it is the largest landmass in the entire world.
Right, and they can't defend all their borders.
It's impossible.
True.
All right, well, let's hear the rest of this video.
Sure.
Started stockpiling gold over the last 20 years, while the United States went further and further into debt and printing money.
Just look at this chart.
This is gold.
Astonishing.
And this was all happening right out there in the open.
Here is a headline: two years before the war with Ukraine broke out.
China and Russia ditched dollar and move toward financial alliance.
Yeah, and everyone else was ignoring it.
Even before the Ukraine conflict started, both China and Russia were stockpiling gold and working on denominating transactions outside of the United States dollar.
It was another secret that was all right there out in the open for anyone to pay attention to.
This is a massive challenge to the U.S. dollar, which isn't based on gold or anything.
If you've been watching, you know that it's based on air.
Nothing since we moved off the gold standard in the 1970s.
It's actually based on debt.
Yes, the U.S. dollar is a debt-based currency.
And the United States is $30 trillion in debt.
So how does our basic debt work out for us, right?
China and Russia are sitting on mountains of minerals that the United States and Europe are clamoring for.
Frankly, they're begging for them, right?
Seriously, one of the most important stories.
Wait, why'd you cut away?
That's the end of the bid.
Oh.
Yeah, we're begging for oil from Saudi Arabia, too.
Please, can you make more oil?
You have hurt me today.
Let's take a call.
And by the way, you put up no super chats.
Are they over?
They're all over.
I used all of them.
I'm going to refresh and see.
Maybe we got one or two.
Nobody loves us.
No one loves Max and John.
We got two that just came in.
Poor guys.
Let's see here.
You know what would help the super chats?
No, that's retarded.
He's not going to come to the Bronx from Long Island.
It's like an hour.
From beautiful Roslyn?
Gavin, woman versus woman.
Do you know the difference?
I know.
I'm actually, I've developed my own irritation with the way I pronounce those words.
I'm getting on my own nerves.
Woman.
I met a woman, but she's not like any other of those other women.
Hey, Gavin, were female rock stars as promiscuous as male rock stars?
I don't think so.
I hope I don't sound naive.
Obviously, I know Motley Crew got tons of pussy, spelled weird.
But were people blowing security guards and stage hands to fuck Hart or Joan Jett?
No fucking way.
Joan Jett's a lesbian, I believe.
Yes.
Joan Jett or the Bengals?
Yeah, there's no way.
Susanna.
I find that amazing that someone wants to fuck Motley Crew so bad that they blow like three strangers down an alleyway backstage to get to them.
I've been on a couple of tour buses for like God's Mac, Metallica.
A couple of, you know, a couple of tour buses.
Girls will do some things.
They get real rude.
There's no way that the same thing happens.
And women are not like that.
Nico Case, did she want?
What's the subhead there?
That one was a little bit of a...
Singer Nico Case admits she doesn't get hit on it.
Shows the difference between minimum.
Well, first of all, you're a three.
Minor detail.
But do you really want your pussy eaten by a stranger every night?
Women are not like that.
Sorry, what were you saying, Maddie?
I said, yeah, I mean, I heard like Janice Joplin used to be a little bit of a free spirit and fuck a lot of dudes, but that was back in the 60s, free love.
And she was a junkie whore.
The idea of whore back then was probably like, I've had four lovers this year.
I mean, now, with porn and everything, we're just like, how many people did you fuck tonight?
But Joan Jett probably had like a different boyfriend every month.
Even though she was in the chicks.
Oh, she was a Les?
Joan Jett?
No, no.
Janice Choplin.
Oh, Janet.
Oh, no, no, no.
She was men.
She was hideous, too.
Yeah.
We got 504.
What's up, 504?
AG Money can't hear Ryan and Matt Gas Maddie.
So June now?
Oh, wait.
No, I could hear Maddie.
I can't hear Ryan, but I know y'all are on a time constraint here.
So Gavin got three actresses, all of them from the office.
We're exactly 30 at their fucking peak.
Rashida Jones, Jenna Fisher, and Amy Adams.
Holy shit, they looked their best then.
Ryan, cannabinoids are a natural anti-inflammatory.
That's what you need to drop in your fucking CBD pin ad.
Matt Gas is the truth, Maddie, and you fucking know it.
Roger that.
Don't forget Mindy Kaling.
She was very cute.
God, she's not my type, man.
Okay, whatever, you racist pig.
She's really attractive to Indian ladies, but she don't do it for me.
She was very cute on that show.
Let's assume you were okay with Packies.
And she has since turned into a 90-year-old.
Who, by the way, is very proud of being a single mom.
She turns out is the HR chick that winds up marrying Michael.
Oh, that's his real wife.
No, no, not the real estate agent, the girl in HR that takes Toby's place.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know that woman.
I hung out with her once.
She's friends with a New York comedian guy.
She's not hot.
And let me guess, she's the exact opposite of how she seems in the show.
No, she's a six.
Campbell's soup and white.
A six?
That's a six.
Man, okay.
Well, I guess she does something for me.
But in the call, y'all fucking be real.
Thank you.
All right.
Appreciate it.
I got a little aggressive at the very end.
We'll stay real because we're fucking be real.
We're already real.
He's a rapper.
Calm down.
Cypress Hill.
Vato, you won't believe when I thought it was.
By the way, the band Cypress Hill, is that named after Cypress Hill in East New York?
Or is there a Cypress Hill in LA?
No, it was like the struggle.
What?
You're going up to Cypress Hill?
It was like...
But there's a Cypress Hill in East New York that's a very bad area.
You go up to Jackie Robinson Parkway.
But the band...
Yeah, they're from Carrie.
They're from California, okay.
Yeah.
Cypress, but not Cypress Hill, Avenue Cypress.
Right.
And that's Los Angeles, but there's no actual hills.
It was like a metaphor for that hill to get up there.
Cypress Hills is like where all the murders happen in New York.
Queens, yeah.
Myrtle Boulevard.
Chatterer Boulevard.
Myrtle Boulevard.
It goes From Fort Greene, Brooklyn, straight through Queens, baby.
Wouldn't it be awesome if the New York Times had this actually did journalism and they had this massive expose?
I got my first gunfight on Myrtle Boulevard.
Really?
In Fort Greene, Brooklyn.
Was that the one by the hotel?
No, I was going to a house party where Biggie Smalls lived and we went out at 4 o'clock in the morning rolling my ass off on ecstasy to go get some water.
And I went with my buddy Takis and we went to the Bodega to get some water because we were all fucked up on ecstasy.
So as we're walking back, two guys started following us up Myrtle Avenue onto Prospect Street.
And they're like, yo, let me get a dollar.
I said, I ain't got no money.
But I had my piece on me.
It's funny because my younger sister was at that party.
I felt bad because she got kind of freaked out about it.
But I tapped my buddy Taco and says, yo, we're going to get around the corner.
We'll break into the...
As soon as we went around the corner, it was the second building on the left.
You had to cross the street.
So I said, just go in and get the lobby door open.
You know, it's a glass lobby door.
Oh, yeah, that's the story I remember.
Yeah.
I thought it was a hotel, right?
No, no.
So we, so, you know, now him and his buddy come shuffling up behind us.
Is he all right?
Let me get us.
First he asked for a cigarette.
Then I was like, let me get a dollar.
And I said, I ain't got it.
So I tapped my buddy and we broke into the lobby and the fucking lobby door was fucking closed.
And he's hitting all the buttons to fucking open it.
So I see the guy, one guy, he's in the door.
He slides into the doorway of the lobby.
He's got a little knife.
So I just pull up my gun.
I point right at him.
I go, yo, this motherfucker, you take one step, and I'm going to fucking destroy it.
So I'm going to talk to open the door, open the door.
So all of a sudden, the guy that's on the outside, I see this 357 Magnum come over the shoulder.
Wow!
He blows out the glass of the fucking door.
So we run up the stairs.
So you run through the opening.
Yeah, yeah, we went through the, now the door is open because there's no glass.
So we run up the fucking stairs and I get into the first landing and I can see their feet and I'm like, come in, motherfucker.
Come on in.
Come on.
I was begging them to come in.
But they didn't come in.
Yeah.
Because I had the guy, Dead to Rights, who came in with the knife.
I had him, I put, thumbs forward, prow.
Motherfucker, take one move and I'm going to fucking kill you right here.
You could have so easily been killed.
Yeah.
I threw my gun over to Manhattan Bridge as I left Brooklyn the next morning.
Oh, really?
As you went up, because where Myrtle Avenue comes out, you come like to Flatbush Avenue and you go right over to Manhattan Bridge.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As I was mid-span, I was just right into the East River.
Bye-bye, Evidence.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Home to mommy.
Good times.
You get another gun.
And it's funny.
I went down there.
I wasn't even carrying.
My buddy was DJing the party and he had his gun.
And he goes, bro, he goes, do me a favor.
Hold my gun because as he's leaning over the table as he's DJing, he's like, it's bothering me.
So I took his, I had his gun.
Wow.
Wasn't even my piece.
Oh, yeah.
Good times.
Good times.
That was probably 93?
Okay.
Good year, man.
Did you see Kamal Harris's Wakanda Forever video?
Yes, I did.
I think it's a joke.
It is a Colbert.
It is.
It's a Colbert.
You can tell it's a joke.
And there's always.
Wakanda Forever.
Paid for by Kamala Harris.
Yeah, you can tell the joke because she actually is sane in it.
She's really retarded.
And we are dealing with the dumbest administration in American history.
It was the greatest.
It's not that bad quite yet.
My name is Kamala Harris.
I am vice president.
I am a woman.
My pronouns are blue.
He, her.
I'm wearing a blue blazer.
She's so vapid.
It's like.
She does suck.
We got 2-3-1 on the line if you want.
Okay.
You've been waiting for me.
Hey, have you guys seen or covered the Bruin ruling that the Supreme Court has recently done?
What are you calling on an orange?
What the fuck is going on with your phone there, E.T.?
I know.
I miss landlines, right?
I don't usually miss landlines, but this is grim.
I know.
I do want to call into you guys' show.
Have you heard about the Bruin case, though, with the Second Amendment and the Supreme Court?
Yes.
They basically said, and now California and New York and different states are basically going right against that and saying, no, we're going to ban this or that.
But the Supreme Court basically says, like, there shouldn't be any gun laws, which is what the.
Right.
The Supreme Court said this is ridiculous that certain people are eligible for guns and others aren't based on power and fame or some shit.
Every American's eligible for a gun.
And that's a big deal in New York State and California.
And the states are refusing to honor that decision.
And well, they went even further, though, when they did, I think Clarence Thomas, they basically said, if you can't go back to the time of the founding and find something that is analogous to that, I don't even know if that's a word, to the end of the laws today,
then it's not a law.
So basically, Maddie could have a gun.
You know, anybody, like, any gun law is illegal, basically, because if you read the Second Amendment, it just shall not be infringed.
Right, true.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The way I see it is, the way I see it is, I've broken the law.
I went in front of the criminal justice system.
I was issued a punishment.
I went and served that punishment, and I am free from all prejudice.
I don't want to say, what is it, handicapped?
Restrictions.
That's the way it works.
When you're grounded, you're bad.
You let your bike get stolen because you didn't lock it.
Your parents say you're not getting a new bike, and you're grounded for two weeks.
After those two weeks, you may even get a bike, by the way.
Yeah.
But you no longer are guilty of letting your bike get stolen.
The legal term is called a relief of disabilities.
Like in New York State, when they say convicted felons can't vote, that's not true.
While you're incarcerated in custody or on probation or parole, your right to vote is suspended.
Once you get relieved of, once you've paid your, served all your time and done your business.
But can't some convicts that are doing time also vote?
Two states in America allow it.
Vermont is one, and I believe it's Rhode Island.
I know Vermont for sure because there was a guy with me in federal prison.
His name was Kip Scanlon.
He was for bank robbery, and he was allowed, he voted while we were in prison.
So I know what you're saying.
You're about to say that I did my crime.
I did my time.
I should be an American citizen again.
Right.
I should be able to enjoy all my God-given unalienable rights.
You should get TSA pre-check.
You should be able to carry a gun.
You should be able to go to Canada.
You can't do any of that shit.
Well, Canada has their own laws.
It's a different country.
Yeah, I understand, but it's still the West.
And in the Western world, you should be punished for a crime.
We all agree on that.
But once you're done, I've been punished.
Why is there other shit?
Why are you fucking dragging me down for the rest of my life?
Even probation and all this, those dumb classes you might take.
Update.
Joe Tonelli called me today.
He's finished with court.
He what?
He's finished with court.
Six months probation.
Wait, I thought his trial, James told me his trial was delayed again.
He called me today.
What time, dude?
What time?
Because James told me at like 3 p.m.
I'll tell you right now.
Where's my call?
Because you don't seem to agree with me on this.
I think Joe is a genius.
He called me at 4 p.m.
He's retarded.
4.29 p.m.
In some ways, he's a genius.
In some ways, he's retarded.
Okay, I think James talked to me before that.
4.29 p.m.
He keeps feigning an illness right before his court date.
And apparently it works.
You just keep going to the hospital before you have your trial, and they keep delaying your trial until eventually the system goes, you know what?
You're innocent.
It works.
That's how shitty our justice system is now.
Just keep getting sick before the date.
You can't say, I'm tired.
I want to sleep in.
I have a golf game that day, obviously.
But if there's a hospital report, and he did it like four times.
Oh, yeah.
So he's not, the guy is so retarded, he's smart.
The guy is not going to do any time for drunk driving.
Zero.
Six months probation.
Well, you told me this was a dumb plan.
I think it's a good plan.
It worked.
And it's getting dropped down to a violation, not even a crime.
He has to do 90 days mad, which his mother's against drunk driving, and 90 days community service.
The dumbest guy you and I know, not including mentally ill people like Linda and Al and others, beat the system.
Pretty much.
Hey, Gav, Moto Maddie, and Bag of Fag Long Bangs, Ryan.
I like that nickname.
Bag of Fag Longbangs.
Bag of Long Bangs.
I don't like it.
Bag of Fag Boff Lob.
It's the Texas Pilot.
Bag of Fag Longbangs.
I don't like it at all.
Yeah, because it's accurate and it hurts you.
You have hurt me today.
It's the Texas Pilot here.
Just wanted to let you know the whole family loves the content.
It's the best money ever spent.
R.I.P. Bubba.
Oh, this is the guy who flew to Bubba and Hank's.
Oh, nice.
Can't wait to celebrate when all the guys get out.
Can I get a quick Joker face, buddy?
I can't be doing Joker faces.
No, dude.
That's a win.
We're trying to do a show.
We've got a lot to cover here.
The idea of just spontaneously doing Joker faces when anyone throws some money at Max and John is untenable.
It's ridiculous.
It's not going to happen.
So I don't want anyone else asking for joker faces because this isn't a monk order in.
It's not a Joker face on demand.
I love it.
Damn.
I haven't done it.
I'm going to fly in there, bud.
Did that with such fervor.
I feel like we're back.
We're back, boys.
What do you mean we're back?
After a good Joker face, it's our time.
So the show sucked?
No, we're in our moment, though, now.
We weren't really before, but now we are.
Why are you talking?
Flowstate?
Are you lying to me?
By the way, the guy who made this shirt just texted me and said, finally, I made the live stream.
Dude, this is the second time we've worn this.
We wore the black one before.
And by the way, the guy who made these shirts, I don't want to speak out of term, but he's a major player at Nickelodeon.
I know you just shit your pants there, dude.
Hell yeah.
But you'd be surprised how many baby monsters there are in top positions.
MLB, Mets, artists, rappers.
They won't let me say their names.
They won't endorse the company publicly.
Professional fighters, coaches.
I'm never going to give them up.
I think we've spilled those beans before.
But this is not an esoteric show here.
You'd be surprised how mainstream it is.
Didn't I tell you to veto that background?
Yeah, but we have $10 saying we should use it.
Oh, I see.
I missed the OG GML bookshelf and trinkets to be courtesy directed.
I think it's cool that it's like, it's like, you know, it harkens back to the days of yore.
I'm hearkening back to the time when I didn't have to piss my pants.
Oh, okay.
Retard coming with it.
Yeah, this guy paid twice.
I joined a gym recently that has a pool.
So I have two gyms now to make up for leaving my old gym.
But I thought it'd be funny to be in my bathing suit at the pool and be like, oh, shit, oh, shit.
You get the towel when you walk in.
You're like, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
And jump in the towel down.
And then you jump in the pool.
Awesome, bro.
And then you get, you don't even like go swimming.
You just get back out again and you're like, sit on a loud.
Can I get a beer?
Other beer?
I always thought that would be a great episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm to have Larry David go up to someone and be like, I saw you come in here.
Is that a girl?
You drank a lot of beer.
A liner?
Can we film that?
Can we do hidden camera shit where they zoom in on their faces and be like, I don't want to get kicked out of another place.
Yeah.
But have Larry David go up and be like, I saw you come in here.
You've been drinking a lot of beer.
And you seem to have a swim after every beer.
And it's not a long swim.
And the guy's like, so what's your point?
Just refreshing off in the water.
I know you're pissing in the pool.
I'm watching you.
I'm counting your pisses.
There's no PA.
Larry, if you're looking for a writer for Kirby Enthusiasm, I am available for bits.
Oh, Ryan, by the way, did we cover this?
Qua.
Someone said, yes, Gavin.
Ryan was wrong to play that Kirby Your Enthusiasm ending.
Oh, yeah, I saw that.
Here's a better one.
Did we play that already?
No, we did not.
It's here in orange.
We skipped right over it.
Oh, okay.
Ryan, next time Gavin is in Larry David mode, use this one instead of that theme song.
The theme song means you fucked up.
This song is more like you're being a Larry David.
Okay.
You burst it!
Yeah, see an angle?
You guys have heard my story with that, right?
He was being interviewed, and he said, why'd you choose that song?
And he goes, oh, I just love, it was an old Italian opera song, and I just thought it perfectly summed up the sort of slapstick that I wanted to do with the show.
And then we were doing a commercial about a year after I heard him say that.
And we're going through free music because we don't want to pay.
And we're going through old-timey, like trombone music, whatever.
And we find that fucking song.
Larry David chose that song because it's free.
Because he's a creep-ass Jew.
You're never fired.
McGarden David, be raised and never stop fighting.
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