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July 15, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:05:29

GOML LIVE #157 - HANDIKAREN

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Long with Kevin McGuinness.
	What's that band?
	Surf City Surf Curse.
	Surf Curse?
	Surf Curse.
	Surf Curse.
	Surf Curse.
	Surf Curse.
	Surf Curse.
	The band is Surf Curse?
	Surf Curse.
	That's Surf Curse.
	Yeah.
	Like a curse of the surf.
	Surf curse?
	It's a surf curse.
	Surf curse.
	Surf curse.
	Sounds like two possible wordal examples.
	And they're from Reno, Nevada.
	It's basically really the brains of one guy that is gifted by God.
	Sorry.
	I believe God reminds us he's here by putting sprinkles on certain people.
	And these musicians that just pound out hit after hit.
	Like, play this song.
	This is God.
	Sorry.
	It's a shout out from the big G. Same with Louis C.K. Just sprinkled him with magic.
	Lou Reed.
	Although Lou Reed might have been the devil with him.
	Welcome back to Jew.
	I'm Alive.
	We've got our co-host, Maddie Odell here with the High Viz.
	What's going on, everybody?
	Good to be back.
	Good to see you.
	Why are you wearing the High Viz?
	Because I got a new tattoo today and I needed a long sleeve shirt because I'm on my bike.
	Is your bike here?
	Yeah.
	Where is it?
	I didn't see it.
	It's in the back.
	Oh, way down.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Way down.
	I brought my bike, too.
	You know, I was riding here.
	I've been drinking all day, so I've got a good buzz.
	And it might be because I'm a pussy, but if I'm driving, like, dead sober after a coffee on 95 or something, I'm pissing my panties.
	And coming here today after having like, I don't know, six beers, I was just like, there you go, you got to get stay loose.
	Staying loose.
	I honestly think it's safer to drive drunk on a motorcycle.
	I don't know about that, but.
	I don't mean drunk, but like a buzz.
	You know?
	Maybe you're just a little bit looser in the arms.
	Yeah.
	Because when you're locked up tight and tense, it's no good.
	That's when you start second-guessing yourself and doing crazy shit.
	And going like, you're looking back and.
	I mean, I've ridden my motorcycle in all types of conditions.
	Drunk, high.
	Have you ever had wobbles?
	Oh, yeah.
	I've had speed wobbles.
	I've never had speed wobbles.
	How do you get them?
	It's weird.
	It's like the bike starts almost like undulating.
	It's like, does this like little rhythmic, and then it starts to speed up.
	But what sets it off?
	Well, you have to understand the physics of a motorcycle.
	Like, as it spins, it's like a gyroscope.
	So when you lean left, the bike wants to correct itself.
	So it automatically tries to flip the other opposite way.
	And then it's a low tire pressure.
	I mean, tons of reasons why.
	So you've had wobbles.
	Oh, yeah.
	And did you wipe out from it?
	No, no.
	Slow down.
	Took it under control.
	Tank slappers, speed wobbles.
	I would start crying and faint.
	Well, you can't panic.
	Well, that's a...
	Holy shit.
	That dude's wobbling.
	Slow down.
	Let off the accelerator.
	Also here tonight is Ryan Katsu Rivera.
	That's true.
	AKA Rygai.
	What up?
	Here to do whatever you need me to do.
	So before we get started, of course, we should thank our sponsor, Johnny Apple CBD.
	They've been with us since day one.
	Very committed sponsor.
	If you're a sponsor of this show, you're getting harassed.
	How dare you support free speech?
	How dare you support someone who isn't 100% on board with the radical left?
	That's not allowed.
	You may not sell your hemp-related products on a site that doesn't agree with me.
	That's basically where we're living in clown world.
	But these guys said, yeah, actually, we can.
	We don't have to agree with Gavin.
	We don't have to condone every single thing that's come out of his mouth.
	We're just selling weed without the THC.
	So johnnyapple.com, promo code Gavin gets you 15% off.
	A myriad of things.
	We got the gummies.
	We got the tinctures.
	We got the topical.
	We got the fucking cartridges, which Maddie went to jail for for a year.
	Well, they had marijuana in them.
	Ah, I see.
	So where Maddie does a year for his cartridges, these cartridges are marijuana-free.
	I mean, minus the bad stuff in marijuana.
	It's so strange that we've isolated THC.
	Did you see the MYPD has said cops that are applying no longer need to be tested for pot?
	No, I saw they put a they said they're not changing their policy regardless of what the law department said.
	So people, uniformed officers still cannot partake in marijuana.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	So is Eric Adams and the MIPD having this power clash where he says you can smoke pot and they say you can't?
	It comes down to that dirty word policy.
	Huh.
	Policy is the worst word in the English language.
	To be totally honest, I don't give a fuck if cops smoke pot.
	I don't want them being women.
	There you go.
	Don't smoke estrogen.
	That's my fucking two cents.
	If you're a man and you're over six feet tall, you can jump over a six-foot fence.
	Smoke it up, Johnny.
	Smoke it up.
	But yeah, johnnyapple.com does not endorse that particular view.
	That's just me shooting the shit with my baby monsters.
	And these guys are selling a magical product from God.
	This might be a theme today, the God theme, where I honestly think hemp, there's something weird and magical about it.
	Because they took the THC out.
	You can still get high.
	You do that Delta 8 and you get fucking baked.
	You take one of these gummies and go to bed.
	The dreams are insane.
	The dreams are just going to the movies.
	You're just like, bring some popcorn to bed because you're going to a fucking amazing double feature.
	Anyway, johnnyapple.com, promo code Gavin.
	Check it out.
	So, you know how this show works on Thursdays?
	It's free to everyone in the world, including Indians, including African children with distended stomachs because they're so hungry.
	They can watch the show on their iPads.
	And then around half an hour in, after a few calls, after a few letters, we cut you off, and it's only for the subscribers.
	This show, Get Off My Lawn, is a daily show.
	It's $10 a month.
	It's a beer and a half a month.
	We have more content than you should watch.
	It's really two hours a day minimum.
	And then, of course, there's tons of other shows.
	I highly recommend you at least try it for a month and cut out all other information.
	Because the thing about this show is we don't just talk, shoot the shit like I brushed my teeth today and I farted.
	We talk about the thing that is trending.
	So say it's Biden reading the teleprompter or this 10-year-old who was raped by the Mexican.
	We're covering that.
	So you could watch no other media and still know exactly what's going on.
	And there's some weird shit going on with this 10-year-old, by the way.
	Very weird shit.
	Yeah, he made that up just out of nowhere.
	And all the media is just biting at it.
	And they're just like, oh, wow, that happened.
	Wow, that's so crazy.
	Meanwhile, it never happened.
	Okay, I'm a little more ambiguous than you, Tim.
	I'm not positive it didn't happen, but I just find it very unusual that Biden, an abortion rights activist says a nine-year-old girl was raped.
	I know you're thinking 10, but she must have been nine when she was raped.
	A nine-year-old girl was raped, got pregnant.
	Okay.
	Also had an ectopic pregnancy where if she gives birth, she'll die.
	Okay.
	And Ohio said, fuck you, you stupid little bitch kid who was raped, who's going to die?
	I don't got time for your bullshit.
	Okay.
	You're going to go to Indiana, where Indiana went, okay, you can come here because Indiana is a third world country.
	We take everybody.
	And then they saved her life.
	Okay.
	And though it's illegal for doctors not to report a rape of a child, there's no reports of rape.
	So everyone went, this happened Wednesday morning, right?
	And everyone went, Joe, you're lying.
	That didn't happen.
	There's no report of that.
	There has to be a report.
	Or some doctors are going to jail.
	Literally three hours later, around noon on Wednesday, they went, oh, we got the guy.
	And there's a guy with a leaf blower going, okay, what have you?
	What?
	What?
	And we just saw, did you see this, Ryan?
	You don't do anything, so you didn't?
	Well, it was stay off your phone day, so I didn't see anything.
	That's true, but it's not stay off your phone day 1 million percent.
	Okay, I didn't know that.
	You're allowed to take peeks.
	It's sort of like the Ethan Nordine hunger strike where I drank beer the whole time.
	Okay, well, yet again, you know, I obeyed that very strictly.
	Take it very serious.
	I don't believe you.
	Well, I did.
	I literally drank like a little Verde or whatever.
	He gave me like the tip of a fork.
	Yeah, no.
	I don't believe you.
	I don't care.
	How's your battery doing?
	Honestly.
	Why don't you show the screen your battery?
	Because I have a feeling it's at 50%.
	If you didn't touch your phone today, it'll be 37%.
	It died just sitting there.
	I didn't charge it.
	What?
	It was always searching for a Wi-Fi thing.
	Yeah.
	Because when you're out and about.
	Yeah.
	And also the heat.
	And you started Vice News.
	Is that also what went on, Tim?
	Well, I had to dump like the past five minutes because you've been cursing up a storm, and we don't do that here.
	I don't actually watch Tim Pool.
	I don't punch right, so I'm not shitting on Tim Pool, but does he not swear?
	No.
	He tries not to.
	I mean, we had.
	What do you mean he?
	Aren't you him?
	Well, no, my guest, Gavin, gosh.
	Anyway.
	All right, that's ended up.
	So we all tried not using our phones today.
	Oh, sorry, go ahead.
	Well, yeah.
	When I had Rogan on, he was cursing up a storm, but I mean, how are you going to tell Rogan to stop cussing?
	You know what I mean?
	He's also hosting the Celebrity Mailbag tomorrow, so send in all your letters.
	Oh, yeah, Joe Rogan is hosting our Celebrity Mailbag.
	Brian at Censored.tv.
	It's amazing how many stars we get on this network.
	It's amazing.
	It's crazy, man.
	Who have we had?
	Crazy.
	We had Carrie Fisher.
	Carrie Fisher, Joe Rogan, the entire cast of YMCA, Village People.
	Yeah, each, well, separate episodes.
	Yeah, we had B. Arthur.
	Tony Soprano.
	Jack Black.
	It's amazing.
	Derek Moore plays more dates, Bill Burr.
	Leverking, Tim Polly.
	So here's my take on...
	So just to remind you what we're trying to do with this Thursday thing.
	It's not illegal.
	You're not going to jail.
	It's sort of like when Dante, Nier, and I first came up with no wanks.
	You can wank.
	You just try to keep it to a minimum.
	And I think this is kind of a revolutionary concept, by the way.
	Like, you should read books, right?
	You don't got to read every book like it's in a high school book report from front page to last page.
	Don't miss a page.
	You can fuck around.
	You can read a little bit of one book, throw it away, read some other, of another book.
	I actually like this about PETA, believe it or not.
	PETA's like, you don't need to be a vegan, just try to eat less meat.
	Now, obviously, PETA's retarded.
	They kill millions of dogs with their bullshit.
	But I like the concept of, and it's kind of a Catholic concept where you don't have to be perfect.
	We're not saying all or nothing, Which is what the left does.
	You're 100% with us or 100% against us.
	I'm not saying that.
	Just try to be better.
	And you don't even have to be better all week.
	Thursdays, we're going to try to avoid our phones just as a silly social experiment.
	Now, I started today looking at my phone for an hour from 8.30 to 9.30 because I forgot that today was the day.
	And then I went, oh, fuck shit.
	And I put it down.
	And I got to say, even that moment I put it down, I was like, let's start the day.
	And I started like cooking, coming up with shit.
	I built some shelves in my son's room.
	I built some stowage for Stowe.
	He has a sloth named Stowey.
	So I built him a round shelf that looks pretty bad because I'm not a good carpenter.
	But like, I don't know.
	And another thing I noticed about today was it was long as shit.
	Long?
	Yeah.
	Oh, boy.
	Not boring.
	I'm not saying like, oh, fuck.
	But like, the day, when you look at your phone every time you're remotely bored, the day compacts.
	And when you take that out and you can sit and stare, I don't know, it adds like a few hours to the day.
	Yeah.
	So what did you do, Maddie?
	I slept late.
	Did you avoid your phone today?
	When you texted me that, yeah.
	Because I didn't get the memo.
	So yeah, I was getting a tattoo when you sent me.
	I said, I'm getting a tattoo right now.
	Talk to you later.
	And what's your tattoo, a swastika?
	No, no, no.
	It's the German eagle.
	No, no, no.
	Not the warbird.
	It's that bald chick.
	What's your name?
	Ayana Presley?
	No.
	It's Ivana Trump.
	Let's keep going.
	Oh, she depends on the suit piece.
	It's a combination of Ivanka Trump and Ayana Presley.
	No, it's a traditional style tattoo, like old school.
	It's a rope noose, and it has a banner wrapped around it.
	It says, we had it all.
	And the rope's broken.
	And it's saying that we blew it.
	We blew it.
	I blew it.
	After 50 years, I blew it.
	So I went into our other pub, not the main pub, today.
	We won't name names.
	And they go, Maddie just left.
	And I'm like, fuck.
	Well, how bad can it be?
	Okay.
	Our chiropractor friend walks in.
	Oh, boy.
	With his Down syndrome daughter.
	She was the most normal and intelligent person in the bar.
	We talk for a second.
	The chiropractor proceeds to tell me about Joe Tonelli's bladder cancer.
	Oh, yeah, I've got pictures.
	His wife's meniscus surgery on her knee, which is like, dude, I don't care if Joe dies, I don't care if your wife dies.
	I hear you.
	But you have pictures of what, Joe's bladder surgery?
	Well, he's got his catheter and all these tubes.
	Oh, he's showing his dick, right?
	I don't have a dick pic.
	He sent people a picture of his dick with a catheter in it.
	Oh, Jesus.
	What?
	So that was painful.
	And then Linda, who I'm trying to get on this show, she comes in and there's an Eastern European dude there who is like, we're having a beer?
	That's great.
	I love to drink a beer.
	And Linda shows up and she goes, hi, are you having a beer?
	Like, it was beyond Howard Stern Wackpack.
	Yeah.
	Every single person there was garbage.
	The Eastern European guy?
	Yeah.
	And then when the, when the chiropractor's Down syndrome daughter, you know how like they're sort of like kids, so they hit you a lot?
	Like, get out of here, you.
	So he goes, this is my daughter.
	We were shopping and she goes, bonk.
	Because she's trying to socialize and be like, get out of here, dad.
	Yeah.
	So he hit her pretty hard.
	And then the Eastern European goes, guilty conscience.
	Oh, boy.
	It's like, I think you think that's his wife because you can't see her face.
	And you mean guilty conscience.
	And you're totally misreading this whole scenario.
	This is a young girl, not a young girl, maybe a 30-year-old with Down syndrome trying to socialize and not quite getting the cues.
	And you're getting the cues way worse than her.
	So then Linda comes in and she goes, hi, you having a beer?
	Oh, okay.
	And he's like, I'm having part of a beer.
	Like, it was beyond fucking whackpack.
	And she goes, oh, I'm thinking of heading to the city.
	And I go, Linda, Linda, are you coming on the show tonight?
	I'm trying to get her on the show.
	And she goes, yeah, I mean, I have various appointments, various appointments in the city.
	I might take the train.
	I might take a taxi.
	And I go, what are you going to the city for?
	Oh, I have various appointments, but they're not strict.
	They don't really care about the time.
	They're all over the city.
	It's various doctors.
	I don't mean to interject, but I just received a text from Miami Mike who says that she just whipped her tits out.
	What?
	Yeah.
	I'm going to have to break the code here.
	He goes.
	Homegirl just whipped her tits out.
	All right, Ted.
	Right after the pineapple conversation, yeah.
	Wow.
	That was 8-11.
	Look at that big ass.
	Look at that big, juicy booty.
	We're going to have him on the show tomorrow, by the way, explaining that.
	Alex Stein?
	Yeah, Alex Stein.
	I love that.
	He's meeting Marjorie Taylor Greene right now, so he can't be on the show.
	But she said, I have various appointments around the city with doctors, and they're sort of scared of COVID.
	So I might take a train and I might go at a time.
	But did you know there's medical refuse and various bio-waste that they put on the train on the chairs?
	What?
	What?
	Like, miscarriages?
	What are you talking about?
	Medical refuse.
	She just whipped her hits up.
	What are you talking about?
	I never saw her as that kind of crazy.
	Anyway, so she goes, well, if you want me to come on the show, text me.
	Text me.
	And I go, okay.
	So I'm sitting right next to her.
	And I go, come on the show tonight, 7.30, I'll pick you up, drive to the Bronx, blah, blah, blah.
	And I can hear her going, bloop, bloop, on Her phone, and then I did something crazy.
	I go, see, I just texted you, and I show her my phone.
	Dude, she's in my phone as crazy lady from the bar.
	Oh my god, nice.
	Did she pick up on it?
	What's that?
	Say that again?
	I don't think so.
	I don't think that she can pick up anything.
	Holy shit.
	Possible.
	So now she's in my phone as Linda, smart person from the bar.
	Oh, Jesus.
	I'm tempted to go get her now.
	Please, it's a fucking joke.
	No.
	She'd be here for like 10 minutes and be like, I can't have that.
	Okay, bye.
	See you later.
	Leave.
	She is certifiably.
	In New York State, she's what they would call straight 730.
	Her brain is just.
	The wires are frazzled.
	Like, nothing makes any sense.
	So have you been in a taxi recently?
	Yeah.
	Not really.
	I take Ubers or I take the train.
	I can't remember when I was last in a taxi.
	A few years ago, I guess.
	Taxis are kind of over in New York.
	It's like, oh, did you know?
	I mean, you can have an app where they show up anywhere.
	They show up up in the Bronx anywhere.
	No, that's not true.
	You're not going to summon a fucking New York taxi up in like Westchester.
	Hey, no.
	Yeah, I can't wait to be after the show and find out what that was all about.
	She pulled her tits out.
	I actually looked at her tits today, and they are about here.
	She's probably 55.
	I don't know how.
	She's in her late 50s, early 60s.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And she's dirty.
	Call Miami.
	Okay.
	Let's do it right now.
	Yeah.
	Wait, did I send you that rapist?
	Let's call both rapists.
	Miami Mike.
	I don't think you could say that.
	Just kidding.
	Did the girl live here as well?
	Yes, but she's fine.
	Everything that they're saying against him is a lie.
	Okay.
	And the child, are you related to her or her mother?
	She's my daughter.
	The woman who refused to provide her name and conceal her face states that she has not filed charges against the 27-year-old Gerson Fuentes.
	No relation to Nick?
	Who is charged with rape.
	Per the authorities, she's confessed to having vaginal contact on at least two weeks with the girl who recently turned 10.
	Diece.
	Therefore, it's estimated that she may have been nine years old, Nueve, when she was raped and then became pregnante.
	I don't believe it.
	I think the authorities, instead of the FBI, whatever, instead of saying we're going to kill you if you don't make this guy a rapist, they just offered them $10,000.
	And they said, look, here's the deal.
	It'll be off the news cycle in a couple weeks.
	They didn't explain it very well, but they said, here's $10,000.
	Take this.
	We're going to deport your husband.
	And then he can come back through the border whenever he wants.
	Don't talk to the media.
	And they're going to say horrible things about him.
	Horrible things.
	Those are lies.
	Those guys are liars.
	And that's all they said.
	Yeah.
	And she's like, okay, we'll take that $10,000.
	Okay.
	Now Biden is no longer a liar.
	We have our 10 pounds of flesh.
	So what happened to the doctors that she went to?
	Why are they being held responsible?
	Because they told the truth.
	As far as this story goes, we got the bad guy.
	Oh, you're right, though.
	Their job is to file a complaint immediately.
	And they're coming there.
	Immediately, not weeks later.
	They're mandatory reporters.
	That's bullshit.
	Someone's been bugging me.
	CPS would have been called.
	The kid would have been taken away.
	I know what it is.
	I'm sorry.
	This has been bugging me.
	I'm a physician.
	I just remember two weeks ago a nine-year-old came in here had been raped.
	She just turned 10.
	And she was pregnant.
	And I forgot to call the authorities.
	Anybody in the emergency room or doctor's office is mandatory has to report that.
	A pregnant 10-year-old walks into your office and you're like, get in line, bitch.
	Yeah.
	More of that normal shit that I deal with every day.
	I would faint.
	I would start screaming and then I would faint.
	And then after the smelling salts, I'd come to and go, 901.
	Then I would start crying.
	I wouldn't be like, whatever.
	Like if you showed up at the hospital with a stab wound or a gunshot, they're calling the cops immediately.
	Immediately.
	Immediately.
	If a 10-year-old girl walks into a fucking doctor's GY OBGYN or emergency room or a doctor immediately.
	That's the million-dollar question here.
	Like CP, like chopping services, everyone's getting called.
	Why did we not hear about this guy until after Biden was called a liar?
	Because it's fucking bullshit.
	It's bullshit.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm trying to be non-conspiracy Jones, but it's not happening.
	Kind of like Russian collusion.
	I'm sorry.
	This episode is also brought to you by FOP Metals.
	Not FOP, but P-H-A-U-P.
	FOP Metals is another new sponsor to the show, another proud sponsor of the show.
	And their direction with the imminent plummeting economy is to invest in precious metals.
	Silver, gold.
	These things are tangible.
	Could they go down?
	Yes, plausibly they could go down.
	They're not going down.
	They're a finite thing.
	I wish the Federal Reserve was contingent on precious metals.
	That's the way it should be.
	That's the way it was.
	And when we left the idea of attaching the American dollar to gold, the economy started going down the toilet.
	And now what's happening?
	Biden is printing money like the movie Idiocracy.
	Inflation is at 9%.
	It's very likely our dollar will be worth nothing soon.
	I hate this fucking shit.
	So don't take all your money and invest it in precious metals, but I would recommend taking some, going to FOPMetals, P-H-A-U-P-Metals.com, using the promo code GAVIN and investing in gold and silver.
	A hundred bucks, a thousand bucks, ten thousand bucks.
	Put some money aside.
	It's not like you're throwing it into the wind, too.
	It's like a Rolex.
	They maintain their value.
	If you change your mind, you can sell it.
	But I'll tell you what, the day Biden was elected, my dad took out all of his stocks, all of his investments, and put it in the bank.
	And me and my brother laughed at him because he lost $50,000 in actualized losses.
	And now he's way ahead.
	So now dad is laughing at me and my brother because he actually minimized his losses.
	We can minimize our losses by investing in gold and silver at P-H-A-U-P FOP Metals, all one word, FOPMetals.com, promo code Gavin.
	Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.
	Did you show the clip?
	Yeah, you showed the clip, right?
	I did.
	See, see.
	I want to show you what I did with no phones.
	Maddie, though it was late in the day, how was your no phones day?
	When I got the message, I stopped using it.
	And I got here tonight at like 7.30.
	And I was like, oh, where's the boss?
	And I was like, I don't know.
	I can't call him.
	I mean, it was good.
	I mean, I've been riding my bike the last couple of weeks, so I've been kind of off the.
	Oh, and you're weird on your bike, right?
	You don't listen to anything.
	No.
	You just, even if it's a 16-hour drive, you just go.
	I like to listen to the bike and the road and what's around me.
	I saw some black gangster with like a gold, you know, Nazi motorcycle helmet.
	You know, those ones?
	Yeah, yeah.
	And he's on a dirt bike.
	And I was like, you know, the wave we all do?
	I was like, I don't feel like giving you the wave.
	And then I realized he doesn't know the wave culture.
	Probably not.
	He's not doing the wave.
	They're not part of society, these wheelie fucking dirt bike dudes.
	You know, people outside of society.
	They don't like us.
	And we're the outcasts.
	The rebels of the hood don't even like the rebels.
	Hey, I got my big ride coming up.
	So that's Stowey.
	I made him a little shelf.
	Oh, nice.
	It looks terrible.
	Well, he's big enough to cover it.
	That's exactly why.
	If you look at the other picture, you can see, look how bad that is.
	That's the sort of...
	It's definitely not level.
	It's a quarter of a circle.
	Yeah, it's not level.
	It's painted in a really crude way.
	Looks like shit.
	But show these other shelves I made.
	Yeah, and not only did I put the shelves up, that's my son.
	I made him a little reading nook, which he's using to look at videos.
	But we got a whole organized thing there with dinosaurs and then cars, baseball trophies.
	That's the bottom shelf.
	Top shelf is all superheroes.
	And then the top, top shelf is like random bric-a-brac that's too small to go on the other shelves.
	So baseball and then just fictional stuff, like space and dinosaurs and superheroes?
	Yeah, things that never existed.
	Hmm.
	Well, actually, you people believe dinosaurs existed.
	They were just dragons and they were around for like an hour and a half.
	Far more likely.
	Wow.
	Did you know that, Maddie?
	That he doesn't believe in dinosaurs, yeah.
	Correct.
	He thinks, well, he does believe in dinosaurs.
	Only what's in the Bible, he said.
	So he follows the Bible completely literally.
	Right.
	And Earth is 3,000 years old.
	And dinosaurs did exist, but they were dragons and stuff.
	Like the Lakshmi.
	Do they mention dragons in the Bible?
	I don't think so.
	I think they did.
	I think there is a weird giant lizard.
	And there's maps, too, where they have dragons on the maps.
	They have paintings from the Shaws.
	There's maps in the Bible?
	No, no, no.
	Just throughout history.
	Right.
	Matty was talking about the Bible.
	Right.
	The good book.
	But there's big giants in the Bible.
	So where are those giant bones?
	The Anunnaki.
	They're hidden.
	The Smithsonian hides them.
	The Nephilim.
	And as I've said many times, my good friend Yona, very intelligent lawyer, smart guy, believes this shit.
	And he sent me a video.
	He made me watch.
	What's it called?
	Dinosaurs or dinosaurs are dragons or something like that?
	Dinosaurs are dragons.
	There's more crazies now than there have ever been.
	And with all due respect to my good friend who doesn't believe in dinosaurs, and I don't mean Ryan, he's not my good friend.
	I'm a great friend.
	Like, flat Earth wasn't a thing.
	People go, the common misunderstanding, and this is up there with we stole the land from the Indians and then we used slaves to buy, to build society.
	The common misunderstanding is that everyone believed there was flat Earth and then Galileo came along and said, no, it's spherical and they threw him in jail.
	No, Galileo said, maybe everything revolves around the sun.
	Everyone believed planets were spherical.
	You know why?
	Because they had eyeballs and they saw the fucking moon.
	So Galileo has nothing to do with flat Earth.
	That's not a thing.
	No one believed in flat Earth.
	It was a few crazies in the cave days, like seven guys during cave days.
	Now, everyone believes in flat Earth.
	You have thousands and thousands of people that believe there's this massive conspiracy.
	The Earth is actually shaped like a contact lens.
	And there's a whole myriad of other planets that are shaped like that.
	And for some strange reason, they don't want us to travel and know this.
	There's been no evidence of, or sorry, no even theory on why we're not allowed to know that, you know.
	What happens with the water?
	What do you mean?
	Does the ocean just never ending, keep replenishing?
	No, it's not a cliff.
	It's a contact lens.
	It's like an upside-down frisbee.
	Oh, it's concave.
	Yeah, it's a little plate.
	Oh.
	And then there's another plate over there, and they're separated by snow.
	I haven't really delved into the flat earther.
	Yeah, I saw a great documentary about it where they debunked themselves in the documentary, but they were like, let's keep going.
	This is too fun.
	But do you believe the earth is flat, Ryan?
	I don't believe anything.
	I don't believe anything.
	That's an interesting take.
	Copped out.
	So here's one of the theories that it's like this, and then this ice wall, and then it's like ice all around.
	So we're on a larger ball, probably, maybe.
	But wait, that's all blue.
	Shouldn't that be white?
	Yeah, I think that's just the end of it.
	So they always say there's like military guys to stop you.
	What's their motive?
	Like, why do they care?
	I don't know.
	Yeah.
	That's crazy.
	That's the problem here.
	The motive.
	Well, I think an easy motive that people don't mention, and I think it's kind of silly, it's like, well, why?
	Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
	Yep.
	Ryan's about to say one of the most retarded things you've ever heard in your life.
	Oh, it's a go ahead.
	The theory that I think makes the most sense would be that there's way more real estate outside of this, and only the people that can afford to go out there can harvest.
	Real estate.
	And then also, picture, let's say there's a big globe Earth, right?
	Or something.
	And it's all made of ice.
	But there's a sun and a moon, and the sun is melting these ice patches.
	And it's what's causing us to thrive and stuff like that.
	But I don't actually believe that, but that's like one of the things.
	What does Bill Gates own?
	He owns like 600,000 acres of farmland in America.
	If you're rich, there's no limit to how much land you can own.
	We're not running out of land.
	Here's another question that got brought up in my D ⁇ D group that I just made on Discord.
	It's closed, so you can't join it.
	Oh, fuck.
	I can't join your D ⁇ D Discord.
	Thanks a lot, God.
	Well, don't blame God.
	I mean, I'm the one constructing the whole thing.
	He made you, though.
	He made some random tourist nip fuck a Puerto Rican and then skip town.
	That was his plan.
	Anyway, so.
	Wait, why is Tim Poole so hurt by the fact that Ryan's father abandoned him?
	I don't know if I reacted in a hurt way.
	He seemed really crushed.
	How?
	That Ryan's father doesn't love him.
	Because this is me in slow motion, what I did.
	I did this.
	Wait, why is your voice slipping into Ryan's voice?
	That's what I did in slow motion.
	So it was just like looking to the right.
	Anyway, somebody's like.
	Anyways.
	Besides Steve Jobs, how many elites do you know die of cancer?
	Name one.
	I don't.
	I would say all of them.
	Like, do you think Klaus Schwab will ever die of cancer?
	Wait, will?
	What?
	Now you have to go back over dead elites and tell me their death.
	Old dead elites.
	Who are old dead elites?
	What's a dead elite?
	Like one of the elite puppet masters.
	Like, you know, like tell me one.
	Like, like Bill Clinton.
	Try me an elite, a dead elite, and tell me what he died of.
	We'll look it up.
	We'll check it out.
	They're not even dead.
	They're immortal.
	I mean, I'm just saying that there's probably a cure for cancer out there and they have it because they're elite, you know?
	And they only just put it on a surface.
	There's a lot of 120-year-old elites.
	Yeah.
	The whole concept, maybe I'm naive, but when I think of elites, I think of like boomers, some of the greatest generation.
	I don't really think of dead people.
	Like, what about Rothschild?
	You know, the Rothschilds?
	Because they invented the banking system.
	Yeah.
	Are they dead?
	What did they die of?
	What age did they die at?
	Let's look it up.
	Okay.
	Maybe they love.
	Rockefeller.
	The guy behind Chase Bank.
	Definitely not cancer.
	J.P. Morgan.
	J.P. Morgan.
	What did J.P. Morgan die of?
	These are all heart attacks.
	Rothschild.
	Let's see, J.P. Morgan.
	Conspiracy theories are good and bad.
	I like people to be skeptical as shit.
	A stroke.
	This guy died of a stroke.
	J.P. Morgan.
	Okay, J.P. Morgan died of a stroke.
	Now, Vanderbilt, well, that's pre-cancer, isn't it?
	Vanderbilt?
	That's pre-cancer.
	Here's the other thing, too.
	Pre-cancer?
	We didn't diagnose cancer.
	Or autism, yeah, yeah.
	So people say cancer cases are going through the roof.
	Yeah, because we didn't diagnose it.
	Same with ADHD.
	Did autism actually come out of nowhere?
	Did that actually pop up, or was that a undiagnosed thing?
	Like, I feel like nobody had autism.
	I remember there being retards and Down center people.
	No offense.
	You're bald.
	Well, we got mad at.
	We got mad at that.
	All the other stuff, he was chill.
	I died of exhaustion.
	Fuck all.
	You know what?
	Another thing about 1877, I call bullshit on your diagnoses.
	You died of metastasized cancer, but we didn't know what it was.
	We're like, oh, you were really tired.
	He was on all of his ships.
	You doubt their diagnoses?
	I doubt the diagnosors.
	Okay?
	Listen, man.
	All right, let's open the phone line to calls and cut out the freeloaders.
	Wait, did you just say Dallas?
	We go live.
	That's...
	Did you make that?
	I made the music, but City Inquiry, the guy who makes all the backgrounds, made it.
	You made the song?
	I didn't make the song.
	I played it.
	Let me see if there's actual...
	Wait, so you...
	There's no sound to it, so I just put a dope-ass Fallout Boy song.
	Yeah, there's no such thing as a dope-ass Fallout Boy song.
	You got me.
	Oh, that's the name of the tour now?
	The Cognitive Cog Boy.
	Cognitive Dissidence.
	I'm very happy with it.
	It's very clever.
	It's a nice ass graphic.
	Dallas, Texas.
	This guy makes graphics to the fuck on.
	I don't even know what that means.
	I'm going to go down to Dealey Plaza.
	Oh, yeah, creepy.
	Wait, we should go there.
	One thing I noticed last time I was in Dallas is everyone has fake tits.
	That oil.
	Middle-class woman, white trash, rich woman, white, black.
	Everyone has fake tits.
	I hate fake tits.
	I fucking hate fake tits.
	It's like fake flowers.
	It's like cologne.
	I don't think I've ever met.
	I don't think I've ever met fake tits ever.
	Oh, I dated a girl with fake tits, and she sat me down and had a long conversation about how I have to pay more attention to her breasts.
	Oh, jeez.
	Because I'd been ignoring them.
	She was right.
	I was ignoring them.
	Yeah, how would you feel?
	They were hard as rocks.
	And I found out later that she used to be fat and she lost a bunch of weight, so she felt like her tits were too droopy after losing the weight.
	I'm like, bring back the droopers.
	Oh, boy.
	Fucking bring me the droopers.
	And an implant?
	What?
	She had a reduction?
	No.
	Just had an implant.
	No, I don't know.
	It's just...
	They were hanging down.
	If you're over 26, you love a droop.
	Give me some droop.
	I want four pencils.
	I could handle...
	As long as it doesn't touch your waistline, we're in business.
	It's all in the armpit anyway when they lay down.
	Yeah.
	They talk about bombing abortion clinics.
	We should bomb breast reduction clinics.
	Allegedly.
	Just kidding, FBI.
	That was close.
	We're not really.
	You're a good joke.
	I got to tell the FBI.
	I'm kidding.
	I joke.
	I joke.
	Yeah, maybe the FBI's job is to kill all of our jokes.
	Operation stop them from saying funny shit.
	So now we're about to go behind the paywall, but we're also doing the live chat.
	We have a super chat here where we take money.
	100% of it goes to Max and John.
	I have no idea how much money we've raised.
	I'm going to say five grand.
	Here we go.
	Question for Maddie regarding the recent shitty kitchen episode.
	Were you born a poor black child or did I learn to, quote unquote, wash chicken somewhere else?
	I've never seen a white person do it.
	Food looks banging, by the way.
	Any chance of you catering the cognitive dissonance to her?
	Best regards, Ben Gro.
	All right, Ben.
	I don't know.
	I just wash chicken.
	Not smart.
	I've just, you know, I don't go crazy, like, scrub it or anything.
	Just give it a quick rinse off, pat it dry.
	So that's clearly a black man, and he's impressed that you wash chicken.
	What?
	I'm black from the waist down.
	And your impulse control?
	I have poor impulse control.
	Poor consequential thinking.
	So we take these super chats, we give the money to Max and John.
	They're getting out in about nine months, eight months now.
	Oh, my Mets bet's doing pretty well, by the way.
	Coming back up.
	I think I'm back up to $1,000.
	National setups.
	They are still fourth in the entire MLB.
	Is that rare at this point?
	What?
	Is that rare at this point?
	This is before they drop off.
	Oh, the Mets would be down in the fucking dumps usually at this time of year.
	Damn.
	Yeah, the fact that they're in the top five is insane.
	Insane.
	And it's kind of indicative of what's going on in America here.
	Because they were led by what's called the Tampon family, and they were fucking up the team, Will Pons.
	And they got a new guy, some rich Jew, who said, I'm going to be smart about this.
	And he saved the team.
	Now they're in the top five.
	And that's what's going on with Joe Biden.
	Look at our awesome Joe Biden quote shirts we're selling.
	Joe Biden is hiring people, or whoever controls him, is hiring people based on how female they are, how black they are.
	And his administration is a fucking shit show.
	There's a great article in the Post today about how all the people in charge of our economy, your economy, my economy, Maddie's economy, Ryan's gas, everyone's shit is totally inexperienced,
	totally incompetent.
	In the Trump years, Trump himself has like 42 years of business experience.
	His administration's median business experience was approximately 12, 13 years.
	This administration, the median experience is O Zero.
	There's that weird black woman who looks like a cockroach.
	Jesus.
	There's some fucking community organizer.
	All of their experiences in government and community organizing.
	Zero in economics.
	Zero.
	I want a guy who has five McDonald's under him.
	Yeah.
	That's who you want to do shit.
	Like when we were shooting the fucking censored live show, you want a guy with like white hair who's fat and bored and has a love.
	You don't want young people doing this shit.
	You don't want inexperienced people.
	Like that's the beauty of Western culture.
	You get someone who's been doing this shit, whether it's investing, cutting hair, bartending, designing entire cities.
	You want someone who's been doing it for 20 years.
	That's the way it works.
	Not interns.
	Not interns.
	Can you find that article, Ryan?
	What are you fucking doing?
	Nose beers over there?
	No, I was just...
	I had a little, I don't even know what it's called.
	Boogie, like a boogie?
	You had a boogie?
	I just, like, sucked it up.
	Well, if you have a booger, you go like this.
	No, I don't peck.
	That's it.
	I shouldn't hear.
	No, that's gross.
	That's gross.
	I'll admit the sound is gross, but picking around there.
	So the way you deal with boogers is you make the same sound as you do in cocaine.
	Yes.
	You inhale your boogers.
	Well, no, it's just like a little mucus.
	You just kick it back.
	I guess not mucus, like, not boogers, mucus.
	All right, find this article, NewYorkPost.com.
	It's embarrassing.
	Miranda Devine, who's a gift, a divine gift from Australia, I believe.
	I don't think women can write.
	Generally, they're the worst writers in the world.
	All of my favorite writers are female.
	That's not a contradiction.
	Candice Millard, Ann Coulter, Miranda Devine, Naomi Schaefer Riley, all of my favorite writers are female.
	Women can't write.
	And liberals don't understand that.
	They're like, that doesn't make sense.
	Yes, It does.
	You could say white men can't jump, and your favorite basketball players could be white males.
	They're the exceptions to the rule.
	Okay, look at this fucking article.
	Go down a bit.
	We're at 9.1%.
	Look at this fucking fool.
	Zoom out a little tiny.
	So, obviously, the inflation problem is excessive fiscal stimulus, meaning printing money like it's garbage.
	Zimbabwe ways, where we're going to have a fucking $1,000 bill soon.
	But look at this.
	Treasury Secretary Janet Yalen has zero business experience, having spent her entire life in academia and government.
	That might explain why she was in denial about inflation for so long.
	Keep going down?
	Look at her.
	And remember, who was it, AOC or someone?
	Or Hillary Clinton was asked about the economy?
	And they go, well, we have a woman running the Federal Reserve.
	That's something.
	What?
	This is the cockroach woman I talk about.
	Doesn't she look like a bug?
	I knew that was the cockroach woman.
	Cecilia Rouse.
	She is the chair of the Council of Economic Advisors.
	She is in control of our economy.
	Business experience?
	Fuck all.
	Zero.
	We need a glue trap in the White House.
	It's pretty cool they got that guy from Dead Presidents.
	Kirby.
	Kirby's in the cabinet.
	This woman in bed with China, probably.
	That's racist, but it's probably true.
	And then this is my favorite.
	Look at this woman.
	What's her name?
	Shalanda Young has no background in the business world, but look at what she's in charge of.
	It might be down a bit.
	Shalanda Young, who's never done anything businessy in her life.
	Office of Management and Budget Director.
	Where is that?
	Right underneath her picture.
	Oh, yeah, sorry.
	Office of Management and Budget Director, controlling America's budget with zero experience in the business world.
	Oh, that's everyone's the transportation czar.
	There he is.
	Alfred E. Newman.
	Anyway, all right, let's go behind the paywall.
	But before we do, we're going to read a couple letters and take a couple calls so you can see what Thursday nights are really like here at the Drunken Idiot Festival.
	You are on the air.
	You want me to learn, share, listen to understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You got one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It was great to hear from you.
	All right, next call.
	Here's a letter called Thinking Men Can Change Their Mind.
	Hey, Gavin Ryga, long time viewer and subscriber.
	Recently, you were talking about how every now and again you learn something new and it changes your mind on said subject.
	How an honest man may change his whole view when met with new evidence is truth.
	I believe that too.
	You're not a real man unless you change your mind about something once a year.
	Something major.
	You should always be changing your mind.
	I mean, you obviously have your foundations.
	You want to be true to who you are.
	Like, I will never stop believing in free speech and the Second Amendment.
	But as far as nuance goes, when you get more information, you have to tweak your thing.
	That's why debating is so healthy.
	And that's why the left is outlawed it.
	Because they don't want to be checked and balanced because they're wrong.
	I have a BS in criminal justice, blah, blah, blah.
	I don't care.
	So where am I going with this?
	Using NASA's own words, I plan to show one, at a minimum, we didn't go to the moon.
	Two, the Earth is not what the mainstream tells us as in size and possible shape.
	I didn't vet these letters.
	Three, the Earth is a creation, and the sun, moon, and stars revolve around us.
	Well, we're getting right into the crazy, right out of the gate.
	I started this research in 2016.
	In the beginning, I was trying to debunk the whole flat earth concept.
	If at all possible, leave your cognitive dissonance behind you and seek the truth.
	I know you are highly intelligent and won't let prior misconceptions hinder your search for truth.
	See, this is unfortunate because I'm trying to sell sensor.tv to new subscribers, and it looks like the looney bin over here.
	So here's a quick 30-second vid for the show.
	Oh, you get hide.
	So it's a toy model.
	It's a freaking toy model.
	You know, this is the shuttle that you think exists, and we got a guy in the background, you know, the guy that runs the model.
	It's a freaking joke.
	All right.
	I guess we'll look into that later.
	Tell Miami to bring her to the studio right now.
	Yeah, you know what's fucking annoying?
	He was in my phone as Miami Mike, and then this new thing updates it.
	And now he's like Michael, whatever his real name is, and I don't even know.
	Like Tommy Fatso Jim, I knew who that was.
	Now it's Thomas Falticino.
	I'm like, who the fuck is that?
	Starts with a V. Oh, yeah.
	I remember now.
	That just reminded me of this, though, that.
	Well, she's probably gone by now, but that's an old.
	This is a great channel of how they used to make movies and models for movies and stuff.
	What's up, Kevin?
	Hey, man.
	What's up?
	Are you still with Crazy Lady?
	No, no, I left.
	I went to go walk the dog.
	She ripped her titties out.
	How did she whip?
	Like, what was the context to whip her titties out?
	I don't know.
	I came downstairs with the dog, and Donnie and Scotty came running out saying she just ripped her titties out.
	And Donnie said it was full of moles.
	Yeah, she's got a lot of skin issues.
	Yeah.
	So she just pulled her tits out, like, at the bar?
	Yeah.
	She was sitting at the end.
	I guess she just ripped her shirt up.
	Holy Jesus.
	What happened?
	Was she kicked out?
	No, she was still in there.
	They went back in after a while.
	Yeah, that's fine.
	They probably kicked out.
	We're like Europeans that way.
	It's fine.
	It's all right.
	A little nipple.
	But she loves pineapples.
	Yeah, she's a big fan.
	All right.
	Thanks, man.
	Oh, Jesus Christ.
	What the hell?
	Wow.
	Oh, shit.
	I guess we're not getting her.
	I think we're going to get her next week.
	The 90 seconds you pretended to do a bad show when Anthony went to piss was better than all the combined minutes Ryan has filled in for you when you walk off.
	The end was fucking hysterical, by the way.
	Thank you very much, sir.
	How dare you?
	That's yesterday.
	Anthony Coomey went piss, and he left the show to me, and I didn't do a good job.
	I was very scared.
	I had nothing to say.
	Cognitive Dissidence Tour poster.
	Here's a pretty cool fucking poster.
	I think we might have a winner here.
	Win and winner.
	Win and winner chicken dinner.
	Judas Priest vibes?
	The tour which is the cognitive dissidence tour.
	What do you think, guys?
	It's not bad.
	I've seen a lot of greats.
	This one's pretty great, right?
	Pretty great.
	Pretty good.
	All right, let's take a call.
	All right.
	We've got Zane.
	Zane the Brain.
	775.
	You're on the live.
	What's going on, Zane?
	How's it going?
	All right.
	You there?
	Let's get down to it.
	Yeah, here.
	Can you guys hear me?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Can you hear me?
	Yes, just say your thing.
	All right.
	I just wanted to call in and thank you for about three months ago when I wrote in a letter, you prayed for my son, my premature child back in April.
	I don't know if you remember it or not, but you're the guy with the baby with the heart problem?
	No, no.
	He was born premature, and I just sent him like a quick message, an instant message.
	Sorry, I met the gym.
	And he just read it live, and you took a moment of silence for my kid and stuff.
	And I just wanted to thank you for that.
	And let you know it's pretty soon coming out here.
	And it's awesome, man.
	It's just a miracle.
	And I just, anyone that doesn't have a kid needs to have one, you know?
	Yep.
	And I just feel really good and close to you about that.
	Right up, buddy.
	Thanks for thanking us.
	All the best.
	Have a good one.
	Here's a funny letter.
	Animal Crossing.
	Dear Gavin, Rygai, and Fatty Maddie.
	It's hard to believe this video is real.
	It's sad from start to finish.
	Hiffonics getting bullied by his girlfriend Consuela.
	Sweetie.
	Ah, you're not supposed to come in the room.
	I'm guessing zodiac signs.
	What's your zodiac sign?
	You know mine.
	You?
	What do you...
	What's your name?
	And, sweetie, I'm going to...
	Wait, what are you doing right now?
	Are you playing Animal Crossing?
	I was, but I had to stop because I can't see.
	Okay, well, sweetie, I am going to...
	Someone's been collecting.
	And I'm going to collect the bait.
	I'm finishing up the stream here.
	We'll join the island, and we're going to manipulate the viewers to give us free things.
	And I will find your glasses.
	I don't know.
	I know how there's like ball spots within your ball spots.
	Like, don't move it.
	You probably can't tell.
	You guys see how there's like more hair here, but then it's kind of another sparse area here.
	So it's just like a straw, and then like if you observe over here, it's like a few spots that have more hair.
	When he wasn't bowling that, but he was still balding.
	He had like an edge here where he had hair here and like that.
	Yeah, here.
	Yeah.
	It's like a bowling edge.
	Here's a quill.
	This is all good for business.
	As I was saying, I'm going to play Ammo Crossing after this.
	Will you join my island?
	What a fucking waste of time.
	God damn it.
	Punch him in the face at least.
	What a fucking absolute waste of time.
	That was bad advertising.
	It's ironic that he was just showing a bad, whatever, live stream thing, and it made us look bad because it was so boring and shitty and useless.
	I'm going to respond to this guy right now and go, thanks for ruining the show, you faggot.
	That was great.
	Wait, what happened?
	Go ahead, repeat that.
	Hey, Gav, what's up, man?
	Hey, man.
	What's going on?
	Hey, do you want to play a game called Cool or Gay?
	Yes.
	Okay, first one.
	Bill Nye.
	Gay.
	Gay.
	Neil deGrasse Tyson.
	Gay.
	Global Warming.
	Gay.
	Sci-Fi Fantasy Space Travels.
	Gay.
	Richard Branson.
	Gay.
	Elon Musk's Aspirations to Farm Potatoes on Mars in Cade.
	Gay.
	Star Trek.
	Gay.
	Not using Styrofoam because of the L sound language.
	Gay.
	That's amazing.
	You did great, dude.
	Not one cool.
	Not one cool thing?
	Not one cool thing.
	And that's what Flat Earth is all about.
	And all your beliefs match up perfectly with Flat Earth people.
	So I want to fuck you with my heels on.
	All right.
	Bye, buddy.
	Here, let me show you something that I'm surprised I like.
	I talked about this the other day.
	And it was ISIS kids.
	So this Jewish woman...
	ISIS kids?
	Yeah.
	This Jewish woman approaches ISIS militants, and she's like, hello, I don't want any problem.
	I talked about this with Anthony the other day, and I'm not a fan of Islam.
	Oh, she has a death wish?
	I'm definitely a Zionist.
	But I love nationalism.
	And I love people that love their own culture, even when their culture is garbage.
	So when I saw this, my normal reaction should be: oh, Jesus, ISIS kids.
	Fuck them.
	They're terrible.
	With a Jewish woman.
	But they're worse than Bebe's kids.
	What?
	They're worse than Bebe's.
	Yeah, she's like, what is she thinking?
	She's going to get just shot in the head.
	Yeah.
	Jews, if you're in Israel, Jews, like when Ami Horowitz did that video where he went and interviewed Palestinians about homosexuality, he was breaking the law.
	Jews are not allowed to be in Palestine.
	Yeah.
	But I don't know why I sympathize with these kids more than her.
	A woman not wearing a hijab.
	Yeah, it's called unity.
	She's kind of sexy, too.
	I guess she does, yes.
	Nice, yes.
	You're a liar.
	Like, I guess I'm saying, I wish our kids had this kind of loyalty and unity and nationalism.
	Shave, shame.
	What will you do to me if I don't wear hijab?
	We'll kill you.
	We will kill you.
	Why will you kill me when I grow up?
	With guns, we count the infidels.
	We kill the infidels.
	We'll slaughter you.
	These are fucking eight-year-olds.
	And then they start throwing stones.
	I don't know.
	Call me crazy.
	I kind of like those hairs.
	Are they indoctrinated?
	Yeah, are they indoctrinated or are they loyal?
	Are they patriotic?
	They've learned what they lived.
	Yeah.
	Those kids are worse than babies kids.
	All right, let's, after that horrific anti-Semitic reference, let's end the free show, Go Behind the Paywall.
	We'll be taking a lot more calls now that we're going behind the paywall.
	And to all you freeloaders, I'd like to say please check out censored.tv.
	It's $10 a month, and it's more content than you could possibly handle.
	Probably five hours a day.
	When I first started this, I said free content every day.
	And it wasn't quite every day.
	You had to sort of parse some to make it every day.
	Now it's five hours a day.
	So more content than you could possibly handle.
	All totally honest, totally unfiltered, horrific, offensive.
	We make mistakes, we correct them.
	It's all over the map.
	It's nothing like anything else in the media.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	You walk away.
	You walk away.
	If I catch any of you fuckers alone, I'm going to fucking kill you.
	I'm gonna come.
	Hold on, I'm coming.
	Congratulations.
	I like them too, but I don't know if I like them that much.
	Hey, y'all.
	Don't forget, you can write your super chats in by going to the desktop page, clicking the banner at the top, and then under the player, there's a blue button, donate to read a live message on air.
	And that's what you can do.
	Welcome back, bam.
	Apparently, Gabe Kaplan was a complete cunt on that show.
	Welcome back, Otter.
	It was a nightmare.
	We got all those kids bugging him.
	Wasn't his wife hot on that show?
	I missed the cat.
	Mr. Cathead!
	We got Andrew on the way.
	Pull up.
	Gabe Kaplan.
	Kaplan's wife and welcome back, Otter.
	Who's there?
	Hello?
	Go ahead, 920, you're on the Levo.
	Hi, Call.
	Hello, hello.
	Hey, um, I just wanted to say, uh, you, uh, Gavin, Brian, and Addie, have, uh, been, uh, a big help in the past year with my life.
	Um, my is this Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh?
	What?
	Is this Eeyore?
	Hold on a sec.
	We got an important call.
	Calling a call.
	Hello, Linda.
	Hi, speaking.
	Hi, how are you?
	I'm all right.
	And yourselves?
	I'm okay.
	I'm doing a show now.
	I got a caller here who sounds like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.
	Public relations.
	Great point.
	Are you coming by?
	Is it an animation or is it Winnie the Pooh?
	It's not an animation.
	It's someone who sounds similar to a cartoon, but he's not.
	He's a grown man who's a normal guy.
	Yes, and you had a question for me?
	Oh, I was wondering if you're coming by.
	I might be able to get a ride.
	Although by the time I get into the car, talk to the guy, discuss it with him, drive over there, it'll be 10 o'clock and it's time to go.
	That's true.
	So you think it'll take 55 minutes to set everything up?
	Yeah, so I think by the time I discuss this with the guy, he wanted to drive me somewhere yesterday.
	By the time we go over it together tonight and I convince him to do something, I don't think I'll be there.
	All right, that's okay.
	That's fine.
	I heard word on the street that you removed your breasts from your bra at an establishment and presented them?
	No, not really.
	Oh, what happened?
	I think it was four guys at a bar having drinks and watching television.
	And your tits did not come out?
	Hot tits.
	No, I left those guys.
	They're watching two to three different shows on television.
	Sports.
	And then there's some commercials in there for trying to sell food.
	Obviously, yeah.
	There are commercials.
	Yes, they want to eat something.
	The guy is drinking beer.
	He's got a $20 bill on the bar.
	Right, they do that.
	And he said he has a daughter.
	Oh.
	Okay, so your tits did not play a part in any of this?
	No, I've been out of that bar for a while now.
	I left four guys in the bar, three guys and one bartender, and they're watching television programs.
	And the television programs occasionally go to commercials?
	Yes, they're watching baseball, a variety of baseball programs.
	Hello, you got a base.
	And they're trying to sell various services.
	The commercials are on commercial topics.
	Cars, food.
	Oh, my God.
	Yes.
	They're talking about $10,000 vehicles.
	Right.
	Payment plans to pay.
	They're talking about $24,000, $25,000 cars.
	They're advertising them on television commercials.
	Give me $25,000 for this vehicle.
	And you got to, you'd pay like a monthly thing, like $2,000 a month.
	Yes, the monthly thing would be like $300 and some, you know, $340 a month, right?
	That's a cheap.
	Yeah, that's cheap.
	For a car, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Do you have a firearm, please?
	No, but I could discuss it with this guy.
	I'm not far from the driveway, and I could walk up there and see what he's doing.
	Okay, well, I'll text you the address, but don't put yourself in danger.
	I assume you know this guy.
	Yes, he has a car park.
	The only thing is, though, he doesn't want to spend a lot of money on gas at the station.
	Right.
	I'll pay you $100 to come by if you can make it here by 9.25.
	I'll give you $100.
	Tonight, $9.25.
	I don't think I'll get there in time because I have to discuss it with him, go over it with him, disguise and rush into things.
	Fools rush in where wise men never go, but wise men never fall in love.
	So how are we to know?
	Next time.
	Okay, I got to get back to the show.
	I'll text you the address and you can send me some strange emojis and be ethereal.
	Yes, the guy has a car parked not far from here, about a quarter mile away.
	I can walk over there now and see if he's there.
	All right, let's do it.
	And I'll send you a message.
	Okay, sounds good.
	All right.
	Just leave.
	Just go somewhere else.
	This woman is gold.
	Oh my God.
	I have discovered a new fucking precious metal.
	Fop metals.
	Gold, silver, and Linda.
	Did you hear what...
	There's three gentlemen watching television, and then there's commercials.
	One bartender.
	Advertising various things with one bartender.
	You have me and a $20 bill in the bar.
	Like, when you're at the bar, you're like, who is this fucking, I don't know, here in the studio?
	Imagine we said, like, inflation's at 9%.
	What do you think of that, Linda?
	Oh, I think that people are constantly eating and going to the bathroom and then going to bed.
	Oh, come on, nah, dog.
	They sleep eight hours a night and then they wake up and they make the same mistakes.
	Oh, Lord.
	And she's denying the tit presentation.
	Yeah.
	Well, I'm going to have to find out.
	We both know your presentation.
	He's not known for his lying.
	No.
	He's too lazy to lie.
	Whoa, haven't done that in a long time.
	It's been a while.
	So we got Eeyore.
	It's been a while.
	Hey, Eeyore, what's going on?
	You and Pooh have some beef?
	Are you eating the Pooh Pooh?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	I just wanted To say that you guys have been helping me a lot.
	My dad passed away suddenly last year, and you guys have been getting me through it.
	I'm only 21, so it's been pretty hard.
	So and seeing you guys as like a father-esque figure.
	Dude, you're being such a bummer.
	It's possible that maybe you shouldn't have gone through it.
	Have you ever considered suicide?
	I was 19 when my dad passed away.
	Oh, really?
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm just kidding.
	Don't kill yourself.
	Yeah, Maddie's in the same boat as you.
	Oh, yeah.
	My dad died.
	He never was.
	Well, my daughter died in 91.
	Every time I call my dad, we get along so well now.
	I just go, can you fucking die already?
	Jesus.
	You're 77.
	I want to buy some vintage cars.
	I want to get a BMW 3 Series.
	Only a 3?
	Yeah, the motorcycles with the big engine block.
	Are those called 3 Series?
	The Boxer Engine.
	The BMW motorcycles where the fucking that block engine is wider than your legs.
	Really?
	What do you mean, really?
	You're the motorcycle expert.
	Am I wrong?
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I'm not too familiar with that model.
	Thanks for calling, Caller.
	I hope you don't kill yourself.
	I was just joking.
	I won't.
	I will.
	Don't do it.
	That's funny.
	Here's the BMW Motorcycle Series 3.
	Is this correct?
	No, that's not what I mean.
	RMW, baby?
	Is that it?
	Maybe, yeah.
	It could be something different.
	Are you making fun of me?
	No.
	Heavens, no.
	That'd be terrible.
	Oh, my God.
	Wow, Ryan's got an ego booster.
	No, no, no, no, no, no.
	Well, just the fact that we're saving and making people's lives better.
	It's just...
	No, that is nice to hear.
	Oh, is it this guy?
	Is it R100?
	Maybe R100.
	Is that it?
	R100?
	The R100.
	That's what it sounds, right?
	That was my nickname in high school.
	During my robot phase.
	No, that's not.
	Oh, maybe.
	Yeah, the R100.
	Yeah, the R100s.
	Look at these fucking supermodels.
	Look at that orange one.
	I don't like orange, but fucking what a beauty that is.
	Is that a cafe racer?
	Technically?
	That one is, yeah.
	You have the cursor on you.
	Yeah, it's a cafe racer.
	My dad's faves.
	Those are gorgeous.
	This is sick.
	I'm a faggot.
	What the fuck?
	Wait, is that new?
	No, that's in the 63.
	Do you do the wave when you're on the road?
	Yeah, sometimes most of the time.
	Do black people do the wave as much as other people?
	At sporting events, I've seen them do it.
	It's universal.
	Dude, is this for real?
	Yeah.
	That's the coolest looking thing I've ever seen.
	I know this sounds crazy, but what's hotter?
	A buxom woman in lingerie or that?
	It's about the same.
	Am I...
	Is that a gay thing to say?
	As far as an alien coming down from outer space, like, they're both equally...
	They're on the same level of...
	He sounds very gay.
	He sounds very gay.
	Why are there no super chats, by the way?
	They're very difficult situations.
	Wait, can you tell which one's him, which one's me?
	This sounds very gay.
	This sounds very gay.
	It's close.
	Got to hand it to you, dude.
	You're very good at imitation.
	Close imitations.
	You're very difficult to imitate.
	Thank you.
	So, yeah, Marcia Strassman is her name, by the way.
	And there was a weird thing when I was a little kid in the 70s where the women you were attracted to were not glamorous.
	They were kind of overall tomboys.
	Terry Garr in, oh, God.
	There they go.
	Bottom one, yeah.
	Bailey on WKRP.
	Who's the chick from the Bill Murray movie you always say to be that guy?
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	The girl there that he's using the spatula under her ass?
	Very similar.
	Oh, she was in stripes?
	No, that's MASH.
	This is MASH.
	Oh, okay.
	Marcia Strassman wasn't in stripes.
	You're bringing up a separate topic, right, Ryan?
	No, yeah, a separate chick.
	Like the type of chick.
	Yeah, like not like high-heely fancy pants.
	Kind of a tomboy girl next door.
	And it was weird, too, because all the girls we were sort of trained to lust were 30.
	Like Olivia Newton-John in Greece.
	Bo Derek.
	Bo Derek.
	Raquel Welch on The Muppet Show.
	Oh, yeah.
	They were all like seniors.
	Yeah.
	Now it's you want to fuck this 18-year-old?
	And you're like, no, I'm into.
	Well, Raquel Welch is not.
	My first boner was Raquel Welch on The Muppet Show with the Spider.
	She's not really girl next door.
	How old was I then?
	I think I was seven, which is weird because it sounds like I'm saying you're sexual when you're seven.
	Two old men in the balcony?
	Yeah, I wasn't.
	I didn't know what I was looking at.
	I just knew something was going on.
	You were like, hey, now.
	That'd be funny the two guys up in the balcony.
	They're just like talking about her ass and stuff.
	Like, I bet her nipples are pink.
	It's called Baby It's Me.
	Baby is Me?
	Baby, it's Me.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	What year was that?
	1970s?
	This is my first boner, guys.
	I can't find the fucking...
	Are you pulling it up right?
	I pulled it up 80 times already.
	That's too many times.
	One is good enough.
	Well, I got to get the date.
	Hello, you've got a date.
	Here we go.
	It's from episode 311, 1977.
	Nice.
	I was five.
	I was seven years old and I was like, I don't know what a boner is, but this is what I like.
	This started your love of spiders, I believe.
	Something about like how high it goes up on her thighs.
	She's like Iranian or something.
	Middle Eastern girls are fucking hot.
	Why the fuck was this on the Muppet show?
	I don't know.
	This is back, you know what?
	This is back when we'd all watch TV together.
	Yeah.
	So they would have a sexy thing for the dads, a pretty thing for the women, and then like a clown for the kids.
	And a clown for the kids.
	But inevitably, there's a part of the family that's going, what the fuck am I watching?
	Yeah.
	Like, I'm sure the daughter, the seven-year-old daughter is going, what's going on?
	77?
	Why am I watching this?
	And then the dad and the son are both sitting there.
	The dad has a perfectly normal boner.
	And then the son is like, something's going on with me where I know I like this, but I don't know why.
	And then the mom is like, oh, she's making me feel very sparkly.
	Reminds me of Mercedes-Carrera.
	Oh, God, Mercedes-Carrera sent me the best letter.
	Oh, I have a little house cleaning to do here.
	That's what they call it, right?
	That person who sent in the Fortnite grooming our kids thing, they sent this.
	So this is not what I see on the desktop, but if you look it up on your phone and you look for accounts, look what we got here.
	Likes Fortnite.
	There's literally tits.
	There's a woman.
	There's tits.
	There's an ass.
	There's an ass tit.
	There's just a moment.
	Fortnite only 18.
	Fortnite mega hot hot.
	Baby Fortnite butts buxom blondes and what the fuck is going on?
	That is insane.
	Don't know.
	I don't play Fortnite.
	I don't know anything about it.
	Hey, Fortnite, your brand is being used to groom kids.
	Figure it out.
	They're like, we know.
	That's the goal.
	Okay, you ready for this letter?
	Let's hear it.
	So, our friend Mercedes Carrera is in jail for molesting her daughter.
	We think she's innocent.
	Allegedly.
	Allegedly.
	I am 98% sure she's innocent.
	If she's guilty, obviously we want her to burn at the stake.
	But you're guilty until proven, I mean, you're innocent until proven guilty.
	I think that she was thrown in there because she's MAGA, and they had to shut her down because she's sexy and cool and influential.
	The cops found meth and guns and cameras pointed at her bed, which all porn stars have.
	I'm against porn.
	I'm pro-life.
	I'm obviously against child molestation, but she's a friend of mine, and I'm convinced she's innocent.
	So we have her back until we find out otherwise.
	They confiscated all her computers.
	They found zero evidence of child porn.
	All they have is testimony from her 11-year-old daughter, who had been coerced by her born-again Christian ex-husband, who was desperate for custody, which is weird because he was not in her life before that.
	He's like a lazy surfer who's probably like, oh, fuck, now I got this kid to hang out with all the time.
	Anyway, that's a lot of preamble for this letter.
	Yep.
	And I'm pro-life.
	I don't think you should get an abortion, but I'm open-minded, and this is a very good argument against it.
	Dear Gavin, I am as astounded at the stupidity of the Republican Party.
	No, sorry.
	I am astounded at the stupidity of the Republican Party.
	Do they not understand that in an era where fully half of the baby formula in this country is going to women, infants, children, meaning welfare, the fetuses they are saving aren't those of good tax-paying Christians,
	but rather more welfare, cradle-to-grave, dependent class imbecile, many of which will be born drug-addicted.
	She's obviously in prison, so she doesn't have a great view of the average joke.
	I am surrounded by women who admit to having used drugs while pregnant because they either one, didn't care, or two, plan to get an abortion.
	If the state takes the second choice away, think how many more idiots will be born in this country.
	This is not the 1970s.
	The Christian right are a bunch of morons fighting for the right to keep very defective humans alive.
	Medical technology is such now that these drug babies will be brought to full term and kept alive with multiple disabilities when in nature they could have died.
	So who's playing God?
	Oh, and the taxpayer has to pay more to support these babies that are born with these disabilities to the tune of, in California anyway, $5,000 a month.
	So now that abortion will be banned, imagine how many more of these there will be.
	And get ready for spikes in problems with schools in 10 years and criminality in 20.
	It's almost as if America has a death wish.
	Further, regarding the border, the immigrants are paying $8,000 a head to the coyotes to get here.
	And the coyotes are oftentimes drug smugglers, hence the fentanyl crisis.
	My current cellmate, Anna, came here in a refrigerated truck from Honduras.
	Unlike all the blamu, good-for-nothing American welfare recipients, I'm surrounded by Anna, who's actually a hard worker and industrious and wow, not a drug user.
	So she's saying a lot of these illegals have to pay a lot of money to get over the border.
	They're actually good people and hard workers.
	But why is she in jail?
	Hmm.
	Wait a minute.
	You think people who've been to jail are garbage human beings?
	No, I'm saying why is this hard worker, non-drug addict, illegal immigrant in jail with her right now?
	Oh, good point.
	We need more people like her in this country, and we need less welfare recipients.
	Closing the border isn't the solution.
	Ending evil fare and ending incentives for welfare babies and making abortions readily available is a solution.
	America is dead and Americans are the problem.
	Love Mercedes.
	P.S. Spare me the God talk because she knows I believe in God.
	Babies kept alive in incubators or delivered via C-section or given life-saving procedures would have died in nature.
	Hell, any person kept alive via welfare is artificially Alive, as in any person alive because of medications.
	We can do this all day.
	Either way, we play God.
	I'm sorry, either we play God or we don't.
	If you saw what I saw all day, you'd make abortions mandatory.
	Jesus Christ.
	I would be dead.
	Oh, really?
	Really?
	I was in incubator for 13 days.
	Huh.
	My mother had gotten sick while she was pregnant with me.
	I was born four pounds, one ounce.
	Four pounds?
	Yeah.
	That's like...
	That's tiny.
	That's an incubator.
	That's like two baseballs.
	For 13 days.
	And she says, you know, medications, I take 20 fucking pills a day.
	Oh, when we went to Orlando and you opened up your fucking backpack, it looked like a drugstore.
	Yeah.
	And that wasn't all of them.
	What?
	Those are the only immediate ones I needed.
	Because I hate traveling with all of my medical shit.
	Oh, that was the bare bones version?
	Yeah, that's bare bones.
	Yep.
	UPS is secretly closing accounts with gun accessories companies also destroying boxes and disposing of products in them.
	Can confirm this personally.
	Love you all.
	Apparently there's a video about it.
	Also, Vice, former alma mater, wrote an article about UPS as a new ghost gun shipping rules that could disrupt the industry.
	But apparently it's about anything that has to do with.
	What are ghost guns?
	Let's settle this right now, please.
	Ghost guns are guns that are made at home that have no serial number.
	Right.
	So what if I have a legal gun?
	No, sorry, an illegal gun I buy on the street and I burn off, saw off, sand off the serial number.
	Is that a ghost gun?
	No.
	Oh.
	That's a defaced firearm.
	Right.
	It's not a ghost gun.
	No.
	So what if I build a gun with a 3D printer?
	That's a ghost gun?
	That's a ghost gun.
	Yeah.
	So ghost guns are either a gun you made yourself.
	Or if you made your own upper, but you get the lower receiver online, which you can buy.
	Yes, canceling gun deal.
	So if you severely alter a gun, that's a ghost gun, too.
	No.
	No.
	It's already a.
	The gun that you buy or you acquire that somebody purchased sometime at one point from a legal manufacturer, and then you alter it or saw it off or deface it, like take the show numbers off and stuff like that, that's just a regular firearm.
	Ghost gun is a kit that you purchase.
	They're called 80% kits.
	And say like the lower receiver for an AR-15, it comes 80% done.
	And then you have to do the remaining 20% of like the milling and drilling and all that stuff.
	So those were legal and they're now illegal?
	Well, it's not against the law to build them because...
	But you're right, right?
	Right.
	But at some point, like, say if you wanted to build a gun and you were doing research and development, R ⁇ D.
	You know.
	But it was a loophole in the law.
	Right, right.
	So you could say you're doing R ⁇ D, you could start milling out building this guns.
	Now you have like six fucking revolvers that you made yourself, and they're not on the books.
	Right.
	Hmm.
	Now, I'm guessing that zero deaths have occurred from ghost guns.
	Probably.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I don't know.
	Well, it's definitely an infinitesimally small number of the deaths today.
	There was 20 blacks killed by guns today.
	Shinzo Abe was.
	It was probably all purchased legally.
	Shinzo Abe was killed by a ghost gun.
	That's true.
	But Shinzo Abe deserved to die.
	I mean, it's not like you buy the kit and you put it together and just shoot somebody.
	I mean, I'm just joking.
	Shinzo Abe didn't deserve to die.
	But the guy had a point.
	He was like, you're supporting the Moonies.
	The Japan, Japanese government is supporting the Moonies.
	It's a cult.
	Fuck you.
	But maybe that's freedom of religion, technically.
	It's the extreme, unfortunate example.
	Yeah, but do they have that in Japan?
	What?
	Freedom of religion.
	I don't know.
	This guy got in trouble for painting...
	Oh, he got a custom professional paint job on his AR, and they painted over the serial number, but it was still readable.
	Wait, I still got in trouble for that.
	You're showing a guy named Spangler who's blowing flames at a fence.
	Building a flamethrower is like a big deal.
	No, that's just B-roll.
	Do you remember this?
	B-roll has nothing to do with what you're talking about.
	There's no footage of the gun that there is in question.
	But this is FPS Russia.
	Do you remember him?
	No.
	He had the biggest fucking channel on YouTube for a long time.
	That looks like the funnest thing on Earth.
	Dude, his whole channel is wild as shit.
	Did you know?
	Here, watch him for a little bit?
	Just this clip of him talking about it.
	I never thought I'd see something like this.
	And then when I did see it, I was pretty skeptical about how well it would work.
	But I put about 500 rounds through this thing.
	Really impressed with it so far.
	Now, you want to know something fun about that guy?
	Yeah.
	Not Russian.
	He's doing an accent.
	For years, he fooled people in thinking he was Russian.
	He does a show called PKA that Anthony's on all the time.
	So he's joking with his accent?
	Yeah.
	But he fooled people for years.
	Why bother?
	I don't know.
	It's funny.
	It fucking worked.
	I don't like that shit.
	97, our guest Anthony Cooper.
	There he's in the top right.
	With his sunglasses on.
	I don't like anonymity and dishonesty.
	There's this weird episode I got to ask Anthony about where he's on the show, and his voice is like way deeper, and it sounds like he put an effect on it.
	It's really weird.
	I got to ask him about that.
	I'd be like, did you fucking...
	We're experiencing a generation gap right now, Ryan, because everything you're talking about is annoying me.
	Oh, well.
	It has to do with your buddy Anthony and this show.
	I don't like fake accents.
	I don't like characters.
	I don't like Andrew Dice Clay.
	I don't like Chip Chiperson.
	I don't like dishonesty.
	How about Andrew Dice Clay?
	Oh, you just another Jew acting like an Italian because they have some sort of penis envy.
	Dickory dickory dog.
	That's so lame.
	416, you're on the licks.
	Yeah, what's up, almost?
	Hey, man.
	Hey, I was driving through.
	I'm in Toronto.
	I was driving through Leslieville today.
	Holy fuck, bro.
	It's gayer than Church Street.
	Wait, Lesbyville?
	What's Lesbieville?
	Leslieville.
	It's like East Nowntown downtown Toronto, like distillery district.
	It's fagged.
	It's fagged out.
	It's fucking gay, bro.
	You know, there's a gay buddy that, you know, Church Street where all the fags are, right?
	Yep.
	Toronto.
	Leslieville is all your creation hipsters.
	They're all wearing these fucking painter hats.
	They all have fucking AirPods in.
	They're outside on the fucking street eating fucking fancy pizza.
	It's all fucking white people.
	There's fucking gay flags everywhere, like the new one with like the, you know, like they include blacks or whatever because they're gay or something.
	There are fucking gay flags everywhere in Lesbianville.
	It's fucking retarded.
	I was just driving through laughing at everyone.
	It's pathetic.
	You know, Israel was given Israel.
	They had some wars with the borders, but they've stayed pretty much in the original plan.
	Like, they're not spreading too fast, right?
	We gave the gays, what is it, Church Street in Toronto?
	Yeah, Church.
	Yeah.
	And then in New York, we gave them the West Village.
	And we said, here's your faggot, Israel.
	Stay there.
	And they were like, no problem.
	Boom.
	And then you go to the East Village.
	They're all holding hands in the East Village.
	Dude, Hell's Kitchen looks like Jurassic World if it was fags.
	I said, if we played that strike.
	I did deliveries for Pepsi back when I was a kid.
	And I did deliveries to like these gay bars on Church Street, like these places called Woody's.
	And they always have pun names for dicks or whatever.
	And I swear to God, these old homos would fucking walk through Leslieville and be like, you guys are fucking gay.
	Fucking quiz.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, last time I was in, after a Knights of Columbus meeting, I've told you this a hundred times.
	Like, this is probably last year now.
	I go, I got some time to kill.
	I'm going to go get a burger.
	I'm fucking hungry.
	So I start walking around Hell's Kitchen.
	It is faggot, like way gayer than the West Village.
	Guys with feather boas, guys with leather pants and no shirt.
	Guys literally mincing around like this.
	If you saw it in a movie, you'd go, this is probably some idiot fucking Eastern European who's never been around gays.
	They don't act like that.
	This is a stupid exaggeration.
	Dude, Mickey Spillanes.
	Mickey Splane, the fucking West East guy.
	You go to Mickey Spillanes, there's like two shots for a fucking cock, and it's no chicks for 100 miles.
	It's a raging homo bar with like all kinds of gay, you know, names for every drink.
	Like, let's do a come shot, you guys, a white Russian jizz shot.
	I'm going to come.
	Imagine Mickey Spillane walking in there going, what the fuck?
	What happened to my legacy?
	Jesus.
	I'm the guy that was too murderous for the mob.
	The mob said, we can't handle these Westies.
	They're too intense.
	And they went.
	Like, I talked to a guy at my Nights of Columbus meeting.
	He's like, when I'm inside, I see these homeless holding hands.
	Then I come home and it's in my neighborhood.
	They're all fucking holding hands.
	That's the new house kitchen.
	I know this isn't what you want, and I'm sorry.
	And don't worry, there's a problem with fags, by the way.
	I don't know.
	Go do your shit.
	Go fuck each other up the butt.
	We couldn't care less how consenting adults conduct themselves in their bedroom, obviously.
	But you're fucking really spreading it out.
	Story, Drag Queen Story Hour.
	Every movie, every kid's book.
	Like, slow it.
	You're colonizing Western society at this point.
	There's nothing wrong with that.
	Yeah, there's something wrong with that.
	And I would say this if it was asidic Jews, skateboarders, or vegans.
	If vegans were in every movie and there was vegan story hour, I would go, take it down a notch, please.
	Fag capitals of the world.
	352, you're on the loo.
	Go ahead, Dad Caller.
	Come on, you say.
	Hey, am I on the air?
	Yes, sir.
	Yep.
	Oh, Gavin, how are you doing, man?
	I'm a longtime listener, first-time caller.
	I listen, no homo, but I just wanted to thank you for giving me a lot of laughter over the last few years, you know, through everything with the pandemic.
	It's always a pleasure to hear your quips and, you know, leaning into Ryan.
	And it's just, you're a great guy.
	I felt really bad.
	I live in Orlando, and I know you guys were there.
	In fact, a buddy of mine ended up going.
	I was supposed to, but I ended up in the hospital.
	But I wanted to know what.
	What, being a pussy and not going to shows?
	Good one, boss.
	So I woke up one morning and I had freaking crazy pain in my left testicle.
	Oh.
	Yeah, you know what that was, you fucking idiot?
	You drink coffee all morning, then when you're done work, you drink booze.
	You're dehydrated.
	Duh.
	Yep.
	You're one Gatorade away from enjoying our show.
	I'm enjoying it.
	No, no, I mean live.
	Well, yeah, hey, hey, the Gatorade has its time in place, and that's in the morning when I'm trying to recuperate.
	There you go.
	I can't believe you dehydrated your balls to death.
	You know, I had the same problem as you, and the guy was like, well, we have to check for testicular cancer.
	He could have just said, you're dehydrated, drink more water.
	You drink coffee all morning and beer all night.
	And he didn't say that.
	So he put this hot gel on my nuts, which feels Amazing.
	And then he starts going and he uses this like fucking ultrasound vibrating machine on my nuts.
	It was like conversion therapy to become gay.
	Dude, I don't know.
	Well, I had a nurse, but she was like a cat lady.
	And I and it like the look of revulsion as she had to fondle my male genitalia.
	Hold on, I'm coming.
	In the CT scan and the ultrasound.
	She didn't like touching your balls?
	Not at all.
	Not at all.
	And when she told me that, you know, we may just have to go ahead and slip it and remove the testicle, there was a glint of like real pleasure.
	Like, oh, I like that.
	I like them too, but I don't know if I like them that much.
	Ever get laid and nothing good's ever happened to me.
	I fucking, this sucks.
	I love taking balls off of men.
	I don't know what to do.
	What have we done to women?
	We've turned them into sadistic monsters.
	Yeah.
	We have.
	Anyway, what's your call about?
	Oh, all right.
	Okay.
	So I wasn't able to be there with you, unfortunately, but I was with you in spirit.
	But when you were in Orlando, did you get to see both of them?
	Did I get to see what?
	Did you get to see both of them?
	Both of them?
	Both Orlando's both of the big sites in Orlando.
	You don't know what I'm talking about?
	I have no idea what you're talking about.
	Oh, no.
	Okay, okay, so no one ever...
	Did you get a ride from a friend or from a taxicab driver from the airport?
	Uber.
	Uber.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Uber.
	All right.
	And no one talked to you about them?
	No.
	What is them?
	And they never got in touch with you.
	No.
	This joke is bombing, dude.
	You got to rush to the punchline, dude.
	You got this.
	Come on.
	I didn't see D's thing.
	Both of what?
	Was it D's nuts joke?
	Oh, what a fucking colossal waste of time.
	Thank you for calling.
	Thanks for calling.
	It's one of my...
	And it's a trick.
	I said thanks for calling, Ryan.
	Sorry.
	Sorry, balls.
	Now I think he's lying about the balls thing.
	What a stink bomb that was.
	Yeah, I guess it was.
	Holy shit.
	People pay $10 a month for this show.
	Their time is valuable.
	And that guy just swallowed, what, five minutes of our lives with a D's nuts joke?
	D's nuts.
	D's nuts are here when I close my eyes.
	I love it.
	Advice, we had this guy who wrote this thing about D's Nuts.
	And my subhead I wrote was, Dee's Nuts was this header.
	And the subhead was, are here when I close my eyes.
	Because I was doing these dreams.
	And he was upset.
	Are you serious?
	I'm upset.
	Yeah, he was like, no one knows that song.
	And these dreams.
	I'm feeling upset.
	I am upset.
	And he's like, you did a heart joke?
	He goes, I worked hard on this article, and then you throw in a heart joke that no one will get?
	And I'm like, yeah.
	Sorry, when I hear these nuts, I hear these dreams are here when I close my eyes.
	Oh, is that not funny?
	These nuts are here when I close my eyes.
	That guy is here when it's cold outside.
	This guy didn't get peaked.
	You invented a meme and he didn't even know that you were ahead of your time.
	Oh, Lord.
	What a bastard.
	Black Ball Eagle calling about Budweiser 708.
	You're on the late.
	Hey, Cole.
	Hey, guys.
	What's the best?
	Hey, guys.
	You got the bone?
	I got a bone to pick with you, man.
	Uh-oh.
	You call yourself a Budweiser guy.
	But a couple weeks ago, you said you like Bud because it tastes cheap.
	And I'm wondering, have you ever read the label on the Bud Can at the top?
	This is the famous Budweiser beer.
	We know of no brand produced by any other brewer which costs so much to brew in age.
	Our exclusive Beechwood Aging produces a taste, a smoothness, and a drinkability you will find in no other beer at any price.
	Yes, when they say we know of no brand produced by any other which costs so much to brew, what they mean is for the amount they could spend, they spend way more.
	So they could pinch some pennies here and fuck everyone over, but they don't.
	They spend a lot of money.
	But it's still a dollar a beer since I was 15 years old, and I'm 52 this weekend, by the way.
	Happy birthday to me.
	Happy birthday.
	I'm turning 52 on Tuesday or something.
	My son's on the cover of a magazine.
	We should take it back.
	It's not cheap, man.
	It's cheap, dude.
	Say what?
	Happy birthday, Gab.
	I love you.
	Thanks for calling.
	Wait a minute.
	Yeah.
	The bird, which is the bald eagle.
	That's what's wrong with America today.
	That's what's wrong with it if you're looking at it.
	You know, I was talking to doggy style today at the bar, and we were talking about fags when we were kids, and they existed, obviously.
	There was this kid, David Ibbotson, at the Earl of March High School in Canada, Ontario.
	And we wanted to hang out with him.
	We're like, come on, Dave, come over.
	And he's like, no, I'm good.
	And he would hang out with girls.
	All his friends were girls.
	He had like penny loafers with a little leather ankle thing, like a leather strap that was tied around his ankle.
	And I remember being, you know, 14 and being like, why would you have an ankle bracelet?
	And he was preppy.
	He'd had his little khakis on, his Ralph Lorenz and stuff, and his hair was up.
	And we knew something was off with him because He didn't want to hang out with us and get noogies and fucking inhale Pam cooking spray and fucking have wedgie fights and punch each other for not saying safety after you fart.
	But he ended up killing himself.
	Oh, Jesus.
	And I don't think he did it because he was bullied.
	This whole like protect trans kids, it really means create trans kids.
	There is not an epidemic of gays being bullied.
	There might have been before I was young.
	I was in school with fags in the 70s and 80s.
	No one knew what they were.
	No one gave a shit.
	But maybe in the 60s it was rough.
	Maybe they were getting fucking shoved down the stairs.
	I don't fucking know.
	I wasn't there.
	But this idea that like in 2022, there's a seven-year-old faggot and people are being like, not on my watch, homo.
	Yeah.
	I think the opposite is true.
	It's all learned behavior.
	Kids are being pushed to be gay.
	If you're not gay, you're boring.
	There's some high schools reporting 35% of the kids there are identifying as some sort of LGBTQ.
	There's footage of somebody pushing a kid to be gay, actually, right?
	That's how hard that they're trying to be.
	I love that clip.
	I love the clip afterwards.
	Oh, it's great.
	So she's...
	You did something wrong.
	He teaches her to put a force field around herself.
	They're in a cult where they can use the energy around them.
	So he says, watch this.
	Build a force field around you.
	I'll run at you at a million miles an hour and you won't get hurt.
	I'm going to bounce off you.
	And then he fucking literally knocks her out.
	And then the way they both respond is so bizarre where he's like, well, he lays on the floor like he's hurt.
	Yeah.
	Because she did something wrong.
	She didn't believe.
	She didn't do it right.
	Yeah, you got to believe.
	Ladies, please, if you're building a force field around yourself, believe.
	All right, now let's try it again.
	Are you ready?
	Yes.
	Hilda?
	No, you fucked it up.
	You fucked it up.
	You dumb bitch.
	Come on.
	Still been learning.
	Dude, do we have a million live chats you haven't showed?
	We have a bunch.
	Classic fucking Rye guy.
	No wonder his dad walked out on him.
	Hey, he didn't know that I was going to be slow.
	We've seen that.
	Yeah, Uhuru, $100, Bryce Regan.
	Oh, you rule.
	And by the way, I've got a Proud Boys thing, if you're interested.
	Ryan, would anybody listen to you on Flat Earth?
	Can you even tell the difference between Attila and Genghis Khan?
	No?
	And I'm not trying to convince anybody of Flat Earth.
	I'm not convinced myself.
	Well, in Texas, the three of y'all, Kumia, McInnis, Denny, should y'all do a Kill Tony show?
	Yeah, we'll get Sam Hyde and Joe Ross.
	I'm sure we'll be invited to do a Kill Tony show.
	Actually, that's what I was about to bring up on Louis J. Gomez's show.
	This dude, coincidentally, David Lucas, he's a Roast comedian.
	He goes on the black guy.
	He goes on Kill Tony all the time.
	He's a really close friend of Rogan and Tony, so it's possible.
	I think he lives in Texas.
	Wait, why is it possible?
	Because a black guy's on other shows?
	No, he's friends with Rogan.
	He's friends with Kill Tony.
	Like, really good friends.
	Okay, so why would that mean that he wanted to join the Proud Boys?
	And his manager.
	He wanted to join the Proud Boys.
	Correct.
	And his manager was like, nah, it's going to be fucking career suicides.
	Don't.
	But here he is talking about that.
	He's got good shoulders.
	Great shoulders.
	And great roaster.
	Great guy.
	As well.
	Great roaster.
	Great roaster.
	He hates Rappapore, or he's got beef with Rappapur.
	That's always a good thing.
	Oh, I fucking hate Rappapore, that wigger.
	Dude, he was roasting like...
	Rappapore moved to LA when he was 18.
	You're not a New Yorker.
	Cut it with the whole fucking...
	Yo, I'll fucking, I'm going to be in the Beastie Boys, you fucking limp dick bullshit.
	Joe fucking Donald Trump fucking bitch with your tiny fucking dick.
	You fuck.
	Like, he's always talking about dicks.
	Yeah, he is.
	And his accent is fake.
	He's fucking 55.
	He's lived in LA for 40 years.
	Stop it with the New York character.
	It's not you.
	Listen, Gavin, whatever the hell, Gavin, Mavin, Davin, whatever the fuck.
	Listen, you better get your friggin' name out of my friggin' mouth, you piece of juzh.
	I'm turning over a new name.
	I'm not curious.
	New Yorkers go to LA and they love the accent there.
	So New Yorkers exaggerate their own accent.
	They're like, yo, I fuck you.
	Yo, I only lived in LA for like 40 fucking years now.
	And I gotta say, I miss fuck.
	I love going back to New York.
	I'm actually bi-coastal.
	What I do is I spend 364 days a year in L.A. And then I go to New York and touch the fucking Brooklyn Bridge.
	And then I go back to New York.
	I mean, L.A. And then I get back to my traffic and I fucking talk about how I'm...
	Look, I'm not going to say I'm connected with the Giavenisi family.
	But let's just say that if some shit goes down, someone might take a little trip because of the thing about the stuff.
	That's all I'm saying.
	Coco Diaz, all these fucking fake ass New York.
	And when you're in New York, like guys who are in the mob, those are guys.
	There's like 32 of them.
	You don't know them.
	And there's like hundreds of other people going there.
	Yeah, there's a dude I know who could make a thing, you know, go away if that was to happen.
	Maybe there could be a thing with the stuff with the guy.
	No, you can't do that.
	Believe me, I tried.
	I run New York.
	So, yeah, he talks about Proud Boys on two occasions.
	Here's one of them.
	What about Rittenhouse?
	Didn't he get like a fucking GoFundMe or some shit?
	I like Kyle Rittenhouse.
	Oh, do you?
	Why?
	He looks like he's wearing football pads.
	I feel like at the end of the day, white people shouldn't be marching for any black matters and black people shouldn't be marching for white matters.
	If they had just stuck to their own shit, they wouldn't be dead.
	And then there's him.
	Whoa.
	That's a real deal, nigga.
	How would people look at me if I put Proud Boys on my Instagram or I put KKK?
	We give you a podcast on the network.
	Wait, why is Proud Boys and KKK the same thing?
	He clears that up.
	What do you mean?
	Actually, not really, but he talks very funny.
	Twice the money is making faster.
	We had a black Proud Boy show up at Legion of Skanks one.
	He was hilarious.
	Why is it hilarious?
	No, he was hilarious.
	He did good.
	Did you really know?
	I'm very defensive.
	I tried to fuck the problem.
	Did you really know?
	I really didn't.
	Why?
	Because the leader's Cuban.
	My dad's Cuban, and I believe in a lot of the stuff that they believe in.
	Right.
	And then what ended up making you not join the Proud Boys?
	My management.
	Yeah, they were like, no, do not do that.
	Your career is going to be over.
	It would be.
	Yeah, they named me, there was a Proud Boy website, and after I fought at Ellismania, they named me the Proud Boy of the Month.
	Oh, hell yeah.
	They put it on the website.
	And then I have a bunch of people now, to this day, being like, Louis Joe Yolma's the Proud Boy.
	So I was like, no, I'm not.
	But then I don't want to fucking...
	Just because I entered myself in a concert.
	Just because they greatly admire you.
	Yeah, what am I supposed to do?
	A young Michael Morrison?
	Look, have you seen my numbers on the road?
	I'm not turning away fans.
	I remember when he was Proud Boy the month.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's not a bad thing.
	What was that for again?
	Proud Boy Magazine.
	But he beat up some fighter.
	He challenged a guy to a fight, won, like a professional.
	Remember one time I was talking to Louis Gomez, and this was on air, and I was like, I don't get rape.
	Like, I understand that I have a gun pointed at you.
	Open up your pussy or I'm going to kill you.
	Sure.
	Open your pussy or I'm going to kill you.
	Yeah.
	But wait, why'd you correct me?
	Because that's how that rape thing goes.
	What?
	Open your pussy.
	I said, open up your pussy.
	Open up your pussy is funnier.
	Okay.
	It's like open up a store.
	That's funnier use of the words than open your pussy.
	Open your pussy is gross.
	That's true.
	Open up your pussy is like open up a store.
	That's funnier.
	Anyway.
	And I was like, I get that.
	But like, no one has any weapons.
	Some guy wants to fuck a chick.
	Just close your legs.
	And Lewis goes, you can open your legs.
	I'm like, legs are not like arms.
	Legs are Mike Tyson arms.
	They're really strong.
	And he goes, I'll rape you right now.
	And I was like, fucking rape it up, Lewis.
	So I closed my legs and he jumped me and he tried to open my legs to no avail.
	It was not happening.
	I remember looking for a bunch of people.
	He like knocks you out unconscious and then takes it.
	Yeah, that's different.
	That's different.
	But outside of any like, I don't know, cheating.
	But fear and panic are what probably.
	Yes.
	Look, don't get me wrong.
	I'm not saying rape doesn't exist.
	No.
	I'm just saying like this whole date rape thing of like I didn't want to do it.
	Just fucking like, don't open your legs.
	Seems like we're trivializing rape.
	Legs are strong.
	So this is not going to be as popular.
	Is there footage of that?
	Because I looked for that before.
	Yeah, we fell off like we were wrestling on the ground.
	He couldn't get my...
	It was at Compound Media.
	I don't give it.
	It's not even.
	He was in Compound 2?
	He was at Compound.
	He left and started Gas Digital with a bunch of dudes.
	He also bet me $100 that comedy is not easy.
	And I went and did a set at the stand that was hilarious.
	That's before you got banned.
	I got banned from there because I pulled out my dick during the set.
	But I pulled out my dick because Aaron Berg was talking about how gross foreskins are.
	Do you have a foreskin by the way?
	No, no, I'm circumcised.
	And I was like, look, they're not great.
	I got to admit, it's like an elephant's truck when they're flaccid.
	And then I pulled it out.
	This is like 1 a.m. at a New York City comedy club.
	Like, there's no kids around.
	It's New York City.
	And I go, but when this is erect, like, the foreskin recedes.
	It looks exactly like the other dick.
	I can understand if you made it erect.
	And a flaccid penis, no one thinks a flaccid penis is attractive, circumcised or not circumcised.
	So what's the argument?
	As far as the shmegma goes, and I was defending all of Aaron's quotes, I'm like, you wash it once every two days, you're fine.
	And then the manager was like, he pulled a godfather quote.
	He was like, now I have to turn my back on you.
	And they did.
	Because you turned your front on them.
	Yeah.
	Oh, Lord.
	I moved here in the 90s.
	When I think of New York, I think of like Joe Coleman, who would eat a rat on stage and have firecrackers all over his chest.
	They're like, it should be a dangerous place as far as art goes.
	And then they do naked comedy shows like...
	I did a naked comedy show at Brooklyn Brewery.
	Completely nude.
	Did a whole set.
	And all the guys are watching it like this.
	Proud boys that I've met, right?
	I've met a handful of them, right?
	They've been fucking cool enough.
	They're fans of my podcast.
	So we'll show up to shows and wear a hat or a t-shirt.
	They fucking buy a drink.
	They laugh.
	They have a good time.
	And it's a real.
	There we go.
	Left for our Proud Boys.
	Yeah, like, like.
	I don't really even fucking know the whole.
	The Proud Boys are like the rights version of Antifa.
	But they're more so, they're more so.
	Which is also gay.
	But rational.
	They stand up for liberties.
	And they don't want...
	I mean, it's pretty much like being a cons, it's like the SEAL team of the conservatives.
	I like that.
	These are motherfuckers that are ex-military.
	I'll take that.
	I think on the much more extreme version of it.
	And then I think there's also people that consider themselves proud boys that it's almost like a way to...
	You wear a t-shirt, but they're not ex-military or showing up to fucking rallies, but they still go, oh, I'm a proud boy.
	It's like you're...
	It's like a patriot, I think, a better way to put it.
	Yeah, it goes on, but it's pretty cool.
	Sure, yeah.
	Upcoming comedian guy.
	I'm waiting on a hold to call in.
	Just want to make sure you gaze.
	And Maddie saw the whole Pride Target line.
	Okay, I got him on the line here.
	His fiancé and I were walking through our local Target in Tennessee.
	310 years ago.
	I'm kind of thinking I should move to Tennessee and not South Carolina because there's no income tax.
	I spent $75,000 on income taxes.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	What's up?
	Are you the Tennessee nigga?
	That's me.
	So what's the pride target line?
	Dude, I don't know.
	My fiancé and I were just walking through the aisle.
	Don't say fiancé.
	Say girlfriend.
	And then when she's your wife, say wife.
	Girlfriend, future wife.
	We were walking through the aisle and just something caught my eye and I looked to the right and there was a whole, you know, trans rights and pride aisle.
	What the fuck is pride?
	Like, explain this to me.
	I just typed in fiancé Target, by the way.
	Be proud every day if you're gay.
	Who cares?
	I don't understand.
	Like, it's predicated.
	You know what I don't like about it?
	You know when a secular Jew writes their name in Twitter and they have brackets on either side?
	And what they mean is, because Nazis say that about Jews, they go, those people, and then they put it in brackets.
	So when someone who's Jewish puts brackets on their name, what they mean is like, yeah, I'm Jewish, bitch.
	And I don't care if you fucking hate me because you're a Nazi and I'm proud to be a Jew.
	And you're like, I don't know who you're talking to.
	That's not me.
	I don't care.
	So the pride thing means, I know you hate us, but we're not ashamed of ourselves.
	We're actually proud of ourselves.
	We don't think we should be killed.
	We don't think we should be burned at the stake.
	We don't think we should be eradicated.
	And it's like, where'd you get these don'ts from?
	I never said that.
	Nobody did.
	Fuck off.
	I don't know.
	I don't know where all their insecurity comes from.
	I don't care about you.
	You're a mega.
	Like, imagine bikers had a biker pride thing, and they're like, we deserve to live.
	We have a biker pride target line of guys with motorcycles and stuff.
	We can ride our machines without being hassled by the man.
	You'd be like, go bananas.
	You have had it.
	Do what, do you?
	Maddie, how long have you been on your lunch break?
	These potholes are not going to fill themselves.
	Gavin and West Dodge is completely out of control.
	Are you still there?
	Oh, yeah, I'm still here.
	Ten workers and one bullet.
	Something going on.
	Like, what does it mean?
	What does pride mean?
	Fuck if I know.
	I'm proud.
	I'm not ashamed.
	I never said you should be ashamed.
	I think of you as like a genetic accident, like a vegetarian lion.
	You've got big teeth for biting into a, for hunting meat, but you don't fuck in the vagina.
	Okay, sorry.
	No one hates vegetarian lions.
	They just go, oh, that's fucked up.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	You can continue to cram it down our throats and make a lot of fun.
	Ryan, go to the mailbag, check out a hilarious Scottish radio call.
	Maddie and I can bond on this and ostracize you.
	Okay.
	What's happening at the Cognitive Distance Tour Design?
	I think I did.
	I got that.
	I thought I was sent in the mailbag.
	It's the one with the guy.
	I thought it was good.
	It was good.
	The brain monsters.
	Me wearing a Fred Perry is a little too proud boy.
	It's hard enough to get a venue.
	Oh, that's a good one.
	I like that one.
	Let's see if there's an play the Scottish ad, Ryan.
	Now, Rob from Southport.
	Dinky-Doo.
	Dinky-doo, Scotty.
	How are you, mate?
	Dinky-doo.
	I don't like Scottish.
	You gotta start saying that.
	All right, dinky-doo.
	I know you're very good with people who are a bit down.
	I don't like to spend too long talking like this because I know it goes on.
	I'm better with people who are a bit up, though.
	I'm sure you are, son.
	This is not Scottish, you know man.
	Oh, that's probably what's doing it.
	Is it different?
	This is like Northern English or Welsh or some shit.
	Didn't they know Scottish?
	No Scotch.
	If there's no Scotch, it's crap.
	No Scottish, it's crap, son.
	Sit down.
	I love that laugh.
	That's how my dad laughs.
	Dude, the wheeze is the funniest thing.
	My dad does the wheeze.
	Yeah.
	I think everyone in my mother's family does that.
	Really?
	It's the best laugh.
	Wait a minute.
	How is there a Scottish laugh?
	Is that genetic?
	I think it's from all the smoking.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, I. Smoking a drink.
	My dad always does it if I fucking eviscerate him.
	Like if I go, oh yeah, you shouldn't park there.
	You've parked there every day your fucking life.
	And he'll go, Big Jim.
	All right, we're over time.
	Is that all you want to say, guy?
	Oh, there's a new guy.
	Oh, hello, new guy.
	Seven notes.
	Last call.
	Hello.
	How are you?
	I am good.
	How are you?
	Did you rape a 10-year-old?
	I did not.
	I am from South Africa border.
	I come in.
	I start company.
	So, while you guys are here in Las Vegas, I started the only company that provides the only night vision and machine gun experience in the country.
	You, Maddie, Ryan, and Antonio want to come by?
	Damn.
	Yeah, we'd love to.
	That sounds fucking awesome.
	Email me separately.
	Problem is with Vegas is we're doing our show in the afternoon, and then the Proud Boy shit's going to be fucking crazy.
	So I don't think we're going to have a lot of free time.
	Maybe the next day, maybe Sunday.
	You tell me when.
	All right.
	I got to go.
	Thanks for calling.
	We got five more super chazes.
	Yeah, well, why does this always happen, Ryan?
	We got five.
	Why do they get backed up?
	By the way, that, what is your IQ, Gavin?
	I don't know.
	I've never done it.
	Chris Hines.
	I would hope it would be Hyde.
	Hot Dog Hines.
	My buddy.
	That I think might be the winner.
	It's fucking good.
	It's so retarded.
	Yeah.
	I mean, what's your IQ?
	You don't know.
	I don't know.
	$100, thank you.
	I don't think I've seen anything funnier than Handy Karen.
	Is that Linda?
	I guess that's Linda.
	Handy Karen.
	I like that name for her.
	That is pretty good.
	There's people drinking beer.
	There's one bartender.
	And then, of course, in between when they're watching the baseball, there's commercials selling their various wares, food and cars and such things.
	Get over Pete Bag.
	Since you're Canadian, tell us about Chester Brown.
	Chester Brown, very talented cartoonist.
	His wife did an album once.
	I reviewed it in Vice.
	And I said, you heard of the Pies de Résistance?
	Well, this is a Piesta shit.
	And she cried her eyes out because Canadians aren't used to criticism.
	You were right.
	Hallowed's new album is incredible.
	Maybe Smith and Migrant and NJ Mintee met in the Catholic Church.
	Super talented dude.
	Yep.
	Not great to hang out with, but very talented dude.
	I learned all the songs.
	We have a show on Saturday.
	Oh, it's your band.
	You're in Hallowed.
	I'm in Hallowed.
	Oh, you got a new album?
	I like this.
	I did not know.
	Dude, it's so good.
	Yeah, Nick Rochefort, fucking Sam Huds' best buddy.
	He loves Hallowed.
	And that feels pretty cool.
	We got a show on Saturday up in Monroe, New York.
	I don't know the deets, but you could DM me if you want to go, but I don't think you can make it.
	Okay, that's a great way to plug a show.
	We have a show in Monroe, New York.
	I don't know anything about it.
	If you're near that area, DM me.
	He doesn't know the deets.
	Okay, are we good?
	We're good.
	I gotta go.
	I'm about to piss my pants.
	All right, true.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

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