| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
The Future Is Yours
00:03:47
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|
| The future is yours, fill this part in. | |
| The future is yours, fill this part in. | |
| The future is yours, so fill this part in. | |
| The future is yourself, fill this for you. | |
| The future is yours. | |
| Hello, folks. | |
| Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn. | |
| I am not here. | |
| I'm at Lake George with my family. | |
| Went to the cabin on the lake there. | |
| I fucking love Lake George. | |
| It's all bikers. | |
| It's all MAGA. | |
| And my boys finally play together. | |
| They're not on screens. | |
| They take little pieces of bread and put on a fish hook and catch a million little sunfish, bass. | |
| I don't fucking know. | |
| And you ride around the boat and you go and you get some BLTs and some burgers. | |
| I want to buy a place there. | |
| It's fucking paradise. | |
| So we're going to be there Monday and Tuesday. | |
| But we don't want to deny you GOML. | |
| I actually am a little insecure about it. | |
| I don't want you to get out of the habit of watching this show because this is how we make a living. | |
| And I think the most important thing about a restaurant is to remain open and have reliable hours. | |
| So when people have their Monday dinner at Gavstav, they know what's going to be there. | |
| As soon as it's closed, they start making other plans. | |
| And then GavzTav's no more. | |
| That was Marnie Stern. | |
| She's almost my age. | |
| She's 46, New Yorker, unbelievably talented guitarist, and super funny. | |
| She worked for MTV for a while just for fun, doing this show called Weird Vibes, where she'd go around and interview other band members. | |
| And it was really hilarious. | |
| So her problem is she's big in the indie world with the Zoomers, and she's 46. | |
| So you know what she does? | |
| She just fucks her fans. | |
| Kind of sad. | |
| Because she can't find anyone. | |
| There's no guys. | |
| I can't tell you how many beautiful, single, talented, funny women I know who can't get guys. | |
| And I don't know a ton of, I know some millennials, but I don't know any, that many Zoomers. | |
| But the few young people I do know, look, turn it up. | |
| I bet it'll be funny. | |
| We are leaving the pitchfork party and the line is ridonculous. | |
| I would never wait on that line. | |
| It's too hot. | |
| I get a sunburn. | |
| My vagina would start to ache. | |
| If I was 22 and I came here, I would have drunk every second of every moment. | |
| I'd be at every show having sex with every person. | |
| It would be awesome. | |
| I have a bunch of press at South by Southwest. | |
| So your name is... | |
| And you do what? | |
| Have bed bugs or bites or something's going on with my body and it itches. | |
| So why am I interviewing you then? | |
| I don't know. | |
| We're switching to a hotel. | |
| It's a dump, but I would have been. | |
| The other thing I was going to say is I don't think young people are fucking. | |
| You know young people, Ryan. | |
| Are they fucking? | |
| I think they're fucking. | |
| What do you consider young? | |
| I mean, like Zoom. | |
| Like 25-year-olds. | |
| I think they're fucking. | |
| I keep seeing them on social media going, haven't had sex in three years. | |
| Jeez. | |
| The ones I know are fucking, but they're in relationships. | |
|
Police Shirts and Dismissals
00:00:33
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|
| Anyway, so this thing is going to be mailbag. | |
| Next Monday, Tuesday, we have off. | |
| So I'm going to wear police shirts like this cool one. | |
| Gang squad. | |
| They discontinue the gang squad. | |
| So what does it say on my back? | |
| It says, We protect and served to be denied and dismissed. | |
| Bronx gang squad, number 397. | |
| It's a tad small. | |
| That's the problem with being so ripped is all my favorite t-shirts are becoming too small. | |
| Remember when Lauren Dowdy was here tattooing us? | |