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May 6, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:05:07

GOML LIVE #147 - COPS AND CRIMINALS

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	That is one of the craziest songs in the fucking world.
	That is HR Human Rights is his name.
	And he's singing Don't Blow No Bubbles, which is an anti-gay diatribe, really.
	I think HR is gay.
	He once broke in allegedly to his record label's headquarters in drag with a gun and a paper bag and a skirt and high-heeled shoes.
	And go back to the picture of this.
	You can see who I'm talking about.
	This is what I'm told, this guy there in the middle.
	And he said, I need my check.
	And they're like, dude, we sent you your check.
	Just like Vin Diesel the other day.
	Like, you get your check through the, we're not holding your check.
	And then he starts prancing around, allegedly going, now everybody's going to know.
	Now everybody's going to know.
	So I think he's a gay.
	But they were a pretty anti-gay group because they're Rastafarians.
	And the Jamaicans are not big on menstrual cycles and homosexuals.
	I think we all hate one of those things.
	And so when the Bad Brains stayed at the Big Boys house in Texas, Big Boys were a really cool, gay, hardcore band.
	They wrote Blood Clot Faggot on their home.
	And I interviewed Daryl Jennifer, the bassist from the band, or guitarist, I don't know.
	I said, what was going on with that?
	And he said, HR is a very creative motherfucker.
	He's a very creative individual.
	Okay, that's actually a good answer, isn't it?
	And I was reminded of that song.
	So that song, Don't Blow No Bubbles, has lyrics like, Don't Blow No Bubbles, meaning don't suck off the monkey bubbles.
	Because he was under the impression that Michael Jackson was filleting his pet monkey, sucking his little weird monkey dick, which I didn't know you could do.
	Can you do that?
	Don't look at me.
	I got to try.
	That's on my bucket list.
	That's on my fuck it list.
	Fuck monkey.
	But also in that song, he says, don't blow no spikes, which is, as Maddie would know, spikes is...
	Hypodermic needle?
	No, no hypes.
	No pipes.
	No pipes.
	So hypodermic needle is a spike.
	So you're not allowed to do that.
	And he's saying, it's the way you can't stop the AIDS.
	So don't blow monkeys.
	Don't be gay is the subtext.
	Don't have intravenous drug use.
	And then he says, ask Ja and he'll make the change.
	Meaning, pray to your God and he'll help you be un-gay.
	Well, that makes sense now because at first they thought AIDS came from guys fucking monkeys.
	Oh yeah.
	And maybe JR got that confused.
	Yeah.
	And he was like, it came from gays regularly fucking monkeys.
	Well, people.
	I don't know if they were.
	Is that make you gay if you fuck a monkey?
	A guy monkey?
	That's bestiality.
	I've fucked a lot of animals in my time.
	But I pull up the clip of Cheryl Crow.
	I'll get to introducing the show in a second here.
	But I'm still talking about the intro song.
	She's fucking 60, dude.
	More like 60.
	Autoplastic surgery.
	If my wife looked like that at 60, I'm going to fuck her.
	Right in the vagina.
	There you go.
	Mark my words.
	I marked them down.
	If my wife looks like that in 15 years, she's getting laid.
	That's Cheryl Crove?
	Yeah.
	It looks nothing like her.
	Okay, then I hereby condone plastic surgery starting now.
	Anyway, click of the thing.
	Click of the thing.
	Watching Amos and Andy, and then the chimpanzee is there in the room with you.
	In order to discipline the chimpanzee, he starts poking in the chest.
	You mean a chimpanzee?
	No, it's like a kind of a fruity chimp.
	A chimpanzee.
	A chimpanzee.
	Yeah.
	Look up the pronunciation of that.
	That can't be right.
	A chimpanzee?
	A chimpanzee?
	And you know Howard Stern is pretending to be an animal rights dude because the person who sucks his dick is obsessed with animal rights.
	So he's pretending that he gives a fuck about a monkey from 100 years ago.
	Dude, she's had a lot of work.
	My self-control, not doing racist jokes right now, is...
	I deserve a purple heart.
	Chimpanzee.
	Yeah, chimpanzee.
	Chimpanzee.
	I would even give the Z a little more oomph.
	Like the Tapan Z bridge.
	Chimpanzee.
	Now I'm forgetting the chimpanzee bridge.
	He fucked my head up.
	Now I don't even know how to say it.
	Chimpanzee?
	Chimpanzee.
	What did she say?
	Chimpanzee.
	Chimpanzee.
	It doesn't sound right either.
	Chimpanzee.
	It's like my parents called TPs Tape's.
	Tattoos, Tattoos.
	Chimpanzee.
	Chimpanzee.
	No, that's a major bridge that gets you to Nyack.
	The Tappanzee.
	The Tappanzee-ass bridge.
	Anyway, go back to this fucking...
	Chimpanzee.
	Yeah, that's it.
	It's chimpanzee.
	Chimpanzee.
	Chimpanzee.
	Howard's, if you love chimpanzee so much, how come you've never said the word before?
	Go ahead.
	By that, that he was Poking this poor little chimpanzee in the chest with a pen.
	You must have been appalled.
	Well, this poor little chimpanzee that could have picked him up and thrown him out the window.
	No, she's using his pronunciation to not seem rude because she doesn't want to seem dumb.
	So she's like, wow, his wife's an animal rights person.
	That must be how you say it.
	Chimpanzee.
	What's next, albinos?
	I ripped his face off.
	I ripped his face off, yeah.
	Right.
	I'm just trying to like stay in my body because Michael's laughing at Amos Nanny and throwing popcorn and poking bubbles in the chest.
	And I'm just this, you know, girl who just moved to L.A. seven months ago, who used to be a school teacher.
	You're sitting there with Michael Jackson, biggest pop star in the world.
	Anyway, don't blow your monkey.
	Don't blow no bubbles.
	It's the way you can stop the AIDS.
	Let's start the show.
	Welcome to Get Off My Lawn Live.
	We are here with Maddie O'Dell, the co-host.
	Up, everybody.
	Good to be seen.
	Good to be here.
	He just finished up Fantastic Maddie's shitty little kitchen where he made scotch pies.
	Yeah.
	Which we'll be able to do.
	Everyone enjoys that as much as I did making them.
	A little heavy on the pepper, but.
	White pepper next time.
	White pepper.
	Just a sprinkle.
	And we have a special guest.
	Sylvia is not back.
	There's Tim Dickman, retired state trooper.
	He has had a severe accident, road accident, so he can't really speak.
	Hello, everybody.
	It's pretty good having me here.
	Happy to be here.
	Yeah.
	See?
	He's brain damaged.
	He can't talk correctly.
	We did our thing where we said, hey, can you guys send us high-vis teas?
	Dude, we're drowning in high-vis teas now.
	That's what we're all wearing.
	I'm going to send you guys a high-vis tee for sending it to us.
	We got a lot from Illuma Wood.
	What do we got here?
	Look at all our awesome high-vis teas.
	Safety first from Giorno construction injury lawyers.
	They sound like ambulance chasers.
	We got...
	It's not construction, it's Bongiorno.
	Central paving.
	We got fucking...
	Safety, productivity, quality over at Rico.
	We got more central paving, more central painting.
	When you guys sent me these, you didn't tell me what size you want in return.
	Classic aluma wood covers.
	I don't know what Illuma wood is.
	I assume it's a combination of aluminum and wood.
	They're getting free advertising here.
	Look how cool their merch is, though.
	They build.
	There you go.
	Build it and they will come.
	What does yours say, Ryan?
	Skate or die?
	Pave or die?
	Shade or die.
	Shade or die.
	That's the winner there.
	I'm taking it.
	Two guns.
	Royalty Electric, of course.
	It's electric.
	And then some people just like bought a shirt.
	Like, I got this Pepsi sweatshirt.
	It still has the tag on it.
	Yeah, it's for the high-vis drivers when they're delivering.
	I picked up my son from baseball today, and I go, I got all my high-viz tees.
	They're all your size.
	You're a large.
	And he's like, you look ridiculous in that thing.
	And I'm like, dude, we live in a wealthy neighborhood.
	The only concern the neighbors, the parents at your school have is that you join the old boys club, not you per se, but their kids.
	And don't dilute the brand.
	Don't fucking marry a working class person.
	Stay upper middle class.
	Don't learn a trade.
	Don't blow it for us.
	They don't want their daughters to marry the top plumber in New York State who, by the way, earns.
	If you work for the city like Juliani or sorry, Eric Adams, and you're a plumber, you're looking at $300,000 a year.
	They'd much rather they marry a guy in finance who makes $100,000 a year because he's part of that echelon.
	So you wearing these shirts would be revolutionary.
	But you can't fucking talk to kids.
	No.
	You both have teenage boys.
	Well, your teenage boy's 10 years past teenagehood.
	He's 26.
	He'll be 27 in August.
	But Tim, you have a teenage son.
	Yep.
	Does he like you?
	He's starting to like me.
	You got to hold the mic closer.
	Hold the mic like it's the rock's dick.
	But he didn't like you for the past three years.
	He hated me.
	So when did the hate start?
	13?
	Oh, hate started right at high school.
	So like, yeah, 14 maybe?
	Yeah, that's what I got.
	Yep.
	You know, I had to start disciplining him.
	Right.
	Well, it becomes an adversarial relationship, which I assume you guys are cops and criminals, which I assume is like a cop-criminal dynamic where you're like, don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you.
	We're not friends.
	I don't know how to do it.
	I'm not relaxing on your watch.
	I mean, discipline is the word, but you start to hold them more accountable for their actions as a person.
	And then with their accountability or lack thereof, then you got to discipline.
	Well, I'm also at zero tolerance.
	Like, he comes downstairs last night and he goes, the laundry room was behind Gavstav at home bar.
	And I said to them, no more fucking laundry.
	You can do laundry once a week.
	I do a laundry once a month.
	I have a million pairs of socks and underwear.
	And I wear the same outer shirts, you know, a lot.
	So, you know, if you're not working on a farm, you don't need to do laundry.
	So I go, you can do laundry once a week.
	Because what these fuckers do is they have their favorite pants.
	So they just wash the pants and then dry the pants.
	And our con ed bill was, it's not, it was 30 bucks a day this month, but previously it was 50 bucks a day.
	So no, we're stopping.
	So I catch him outside GazTav last night.
	And I'm like, what's going on?
	He goes, doing a laundry.
	Like, everything I say is the stupidest thing in the world.
	Like, where's Africa?
	It's the whole fucking continent, dude.
	It's like below Europe.
	Like, get it together.
	So I'm not asking that.
	I'm saying, what are you doing?
	And he goes, I'm doing a laundry.
	I got to wear khakis for baseball.
	Okay.
	Well, you seem to have quite a load there.
	What?
	I had outlawed washing your clothes too much.
	So he had stacked up his pile with clean clothes.
	And I go, what the fuck are these?
	They're my wife's Lululemons.
	What are these doing in the pile?
	He goes, oh no.
	She left them on my floor.
	First of all, it's not she.
	It's mom.
	Don't call her she.
	Isn't that a cow?
	Are you doing your mother's laundry now?
	Or are you fluffing up?
	I mean, I kind of appreciate it because it shows that he's going to become a hustler and fuck over the IRS one day.
	That's good.
	But I'm the IRS in this house.
	So show me the stain on your pants and we'll scrub that out.
	The IRS, irate, retarded Scottishman?
	Well, the irony is the stain on his pants was actually impossible to get.
	It was a menstrual stain.
	Ew.
	Because my son is trans.
	Oh, I see.
	He was born female.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	Did not know that.
	I never told you that?
	No, it's a good transition.
	Yeah, we didn't get top surgery.
	He straps his breast.
	Huge bench.
	He has huge tits.
	Oh, geez.
	Big fucking tits.
	So he uses duct tape and polyurethane.
	Oh.
	So he gets rashes.
	I would imagine.
	Yeah, there's so much plastic under his skin.
	Can't breathe.
	Yeah.
	The skin.
	It's the new corset.
	So, as you know, we take calls, we promote our sponsors on these shows.
	I don't have our sponsors list, by the way.
	Yeah, I messaged our guy and I said, hey.
	I know about FOP.
	FOP Metals.
	FOP Metal.
	FOP Metal, selling silver.
	So we do the first part of the show free, and then we just take calls.
	We do a live chat and we answer emails.
	And you obviously can ask a cop or a criminal.
	I want to bring back our game show today, cop or a criminal.
	Let me just, for the first callers, let me just pull up a random text, right?
	From either a cop or a criminal, and you have to decide who texted me, okay?
	I'm going to have to go into Instagram for this particular one, okay?
	And he says he's sending this cop or criminal is sending an article that says, a 2021 F Freedom Information request revealed the CDC purchased cell phone location data to track citizens' movement and compliance.
	And this person who sent me this added with the link, he added, this is fucked up.
	These fuckers lied.
	Okay?
	So that's all I'm telling you.
	And when callers call in, we'll try to decide if that's a cop or a criminal.
	But before we get to any of that, I guess we have to discuss things that will be old news by tomorrow.
	Madison Cawthorne has been doxxed for humping a guy's face.
	And I'm glad you two are here, actually, because I have a feeling, coming from a European city like Montreal and Ottawa and Canada, European culture, you're going to be more offended by this than I am.
	Ryan, can you play the first link where I say sorry, but this is funny?
	So this is, they say, Madison Cawthorne is over now because of this.
	One of the hairiest butt cracks I've ever seen.
	Turn it up.
	Someone added Benny Hill music.
	So that's his friend there.
	And as you know, his lower half doesn't work.
	He seems to be dangling his penis, his presumably dead penis, on his friend's face.
	You guys both come from very machismo cultures.
	I've done this kind of shit one billion times.
	In fact, Ryan, when we last did our, you do the State of the Union with Censor TV where we meet the accountants and the tech guy and we all rent the hotel room.
	We go over all the paperwork and see what costs too much and what costs too little and what and we party and get wasted.
	And I broke into our tech guy's room nude and slithered into bed with him and started grabbing him as he screamed hysterically.
	I consider that to be top-notch humor.
	The guy that was humping the other person's face was in the wheelchair?
	No, that's Madison Cawthorne.
	I know who that is.
	He's a Republican congressional candidate.
	What is he now?
	He's a very prominent dude.
	Maybe go up.
	Click on him.
	He's running for North Carolina.
	Honored to serve as a congressman for North Carolina's 11th district.
	Okay.
	America First.
	He's in a chair.
	He can stand up with a bunch of harnesses.
	But it goes back to with Kavanaugh, they said.
	He fucking jumped on some naked people that were fucking and he was nude.
	He raped them.
	And you're like, no, he...
	Funny.
	Well, we don't know who the person underneath him is.
	Why does it matter?
	Who knows if it's consensual or not?
	He says it was his cousin.
	And he was making, it was a funny thing.
	It's not...
	Wait, are you arguing whether it's rape or not?
	Whether it's funny or not.
	Oh, it's funny as hell.
	Yeah.
	Imagine you're at your cousin's house or your friend's house, and he's a gimp, and like Crip Daddy, if Crip Daddy, I was sleeping in a hotel, we shared a hotel room, and he started slithering over to me with his little praying mantis arms and rubbed his dick on my face, I would be laughing and punching him.
	It would not be blackmail material.
	No.
	Like, it's not like the guy has a boner and he's going, oh, yeah.
	It's not rape.
	What do you think, Tim?
	Ironically named Dick Man.
	Who's the guy he's humping?
	Just some random buddy, like a cousin or something.
	And he has no problem with it?
	He's laughing his head off.
	Oh.
	That's no problem.
	I've done worse.
	I've done worse today.
	Dude, you know what I did today?
	I came in here, the ladder that the ghetto blaster's on was in my way.
	I said, what the fuck is this doing here?
	I kicked it over, and then I pulled up my dick and I pissed on it.
	And you were like, this is what I think of your ladder.
	Pointing at me.
	Yeah, I said, I hate your fucking ladder, and I pissed on it.
	And then I decided to run out of the room and finish my piss in the bathroom.
	Clean up the piss.
	It's your ladder.
	Come on.
	We have a whole episode where I'm in the bath nude with Ryan, constantly rubbing my feet in his face, trying to make him uncomfortable.
	Cowering in the corner like...
	Yeah, I did not like it.
	It's too much of indecency.
	I believe it's in this bumper.
	Dude, in the 80s.
	Yeah, there it is.
	That's me, nude.
	Hey.
	In the 80s, we used to pull out our dicks and just piss on guys.
	I mean, our friends.
	So what you do is you walk up to your buddy, you pull out your dick at a bush bash or something, and you start urinating on his pants, but you don't obviously tell him, and you go, hey, man, I got to talk to you.
	There is some weird shit going on with Brian.
	Like, I feel like he's mad, but he's not showing it.
	And then the guy's wondering why you're gossiping for the first time ever.
	And then inevitably, you start cracking up and you go, I don't know why Brian is so mad.
	And then he's like, why is this guy enjoying this story so much?
	And then he looks down and goes, oh, for fuck's sake.
	Because piss is body temperature.
	So you don't feel it on your leg.
	It's going from body to body.
	I'm cracking up just talking about it.
	A bush bash.
	Bushbash.
	Partying out in the woods.
	It's the only way we could party in the suburbs.
	I guess we should discuss.
	We're 25 minutes in.
	We haven't even discussed our sponsors yet who dominate the first quarter of the show.
	Let's start with Beard Vet.
	Like all of our sponsors, for some bizarre reason, they're all vets.
	Cops, vets, and criminals seem to be the demographic of this show.
	And Beard Vet provides two things.
	Fantastic coffee, especially the brand we drink here at the studio, El Diablo, and beard grooming products.
	Now, my beard's a little small for beard grooming products.
	Whoa, look at this new view.
	Hey now.
	Wow.
	It's not perfect.
	Ryan, I said, I want it over your head.
	I know.
	I just got to get something to affix it to.
	Yeah, young people don't understand affixing things.
	They don't understand like, get a stick and a clamp.
	Like, they don't know what a vice is or a plumbing clamp.
	But anyway, yeah, we drink the Diablo coffee.
	It is a wild ride.
	Very intense.
	Gets you going.
	I'm starting to think there's only like a couple drugs in the world.
	Like, caffeine is fucking everywhere.
	All that pre-workout shit is just caffeine and sugar.
	Mountain Dew, Red Bulls, Fortune, all just caffeine.
	Now, in the illegal world, there's opioids, there's heroin and cocaine, but that's basically it.
	And caffeine is...
	Don't forget my favorite.
	Bobby P. Crystal Mass.
	Lovely.
	It's alarmingly common, especially in the South.
	My drug of choice when I was able to party.
	Yeah, not anymore.
	No.
	Advanced heart failure will put an end to that.
	So Beard Vet does not endorse the consumption of amphetamine.
	No, no, no.
	I don't endorse it either.
	But they do endorse fantastic beard grooming products.
	This is vet-owned, fantastic coffee.
	Look, you're buying coffee anyway, right?
	You have to buy coffee.
	It's toilet paper.
	It's a necessity.
	It's something you need.
	So you might as well buy it from our guys.
	And I hereby officially vouch for it.
	It's fantastic coffee.
	So don't get your coffee from some giant corporation that is woke and has a Black Lives Matter mural outside their office in Daytona Beach, Florida.
	Go to beardvet.com, enter the promo code Gavin, and get 15% off your next order of Beard Vet El Diablo coffee or the Beard Vet grooming ship, which is fantastic.
	All right, should we start taking some calls?
	Well, the other news item I feel like might be old news tomorrow.
	Everyone wants us to talk about the Amber Heard trial more.
	And I'm like, why?
	Is this still going on?
	Yeah.
	And if you go to Daily Mail or New York Post, it's just fucking 17 articles about them.
	And I mean, is there any mystery here?
	One of the most famous, very handsome, 100 millionaire guys in the world dumps his wife because she starts showing her age.
	He gets some young dumb bitch who's a retard, fucks her a bunch of times, instantly gets bored, as we all would if we pursued that route, and then goes, get her the fuck out of here, and now they're embroiled in legal shit.
	I mean, every time they're talking about their fights, he would do heroin, and then he'd get wasted, and then he'd shit himself, or other times he would do speed, and he'd hit me, and I was like, yeah, I figured.
	I figured that was going on.
	Like, didn't this, as my wife said tonight, didn't this go on with Elizabeth Taylor and fucking, what's the other guy's name?
	Elizabeth Taylor and.
	Oh, who was she?
	Who's that guy?
	Anyway, famous movie stars.
	We just assume that they're getting wasted and beating each other up.
	I mean, Sean Conner would brag about how women need a good slap.
	You got tons of money and nothing to do.
	There's like three months in between movies.
	You're fucking loaded.
	It's L.A. You can't go walk to a pub and hang out with guys.
	We all assumed you were spending your millions getting fucked up.
	And when you spend your millions getting fucked Up, you slap each other around.
	It's a given.
	I don't care.
	I'm still trying to figure out why they're televising a civil suit.
	I still don't understand.
	Dude, it's on in my house, in my kitchen, on my wife's iPad.
	It's just on all day.
	Yeah, I don't get it.
	It's like a civil suit.
	So, I mean, a criminal trial.
	So he's suing.
	I guess we have, for the sake of our jobs, we have to talk about what's going on.
	So she's suing.
	He's suing her.
	For like, what, 50 million?
	Yeah, I guess.
	And then she's counter-suing him because he made her unpopular.
	Now she's not an Aquaman or maybe she isn't.
	Oh, Jesus.
	Like, do I have to get into the semantics of this?
	I'm more interested in some fucking drug dealer who got caught selling Coke under the Manhattan Bridge.
	But I thought that it was funny watching her act her head off because this is really all this is for them.
	It's a movie.
	They're acting in a movie.
	They're in front of the cameras.
	They're in front of the cameras.
	And this is what they do.
	Actors are retards.
	They're empty vessels.
	So you pour in a personality.
	The reason he's so good and so successful is, besides the fact that he's handsome, is they can go, okay, you're a pirate now.
	And he's like, okay, I'll be Keith Richards.
	Fine, I don't give a fuck.
	Just be a pirate.
	So then he's Keith Richards, and then that's his personality.
	Or he hangs out with Shane McGowan, and then he's Mr. Irish Guy.
	Or he hangs out with Hunter Thompson.
	Now he's Mr. Drug Guy.
	And then the Cherokee Nation broke.
	Oh, yeah, Cherokee Nation.
	He plays fucking Tonto.
	Next thing you know, he's talking like a ho-chunk from Madison.
	I never really lost that.
	But I guess that's what happened.
	You know, he got famous pretty young.
	Like, he was in like Nightmare on Elm Street, the first movie.
	Yeah.
	And then he was on 21 Jump.
	Like, he never had a normal life as an adult.
	I was exploded into blood in that movie.
	If you have a low IQ and you're handsome, or you have a low IQ and you're beautiful, which seems to be normal for chicks, invest in that person.
	They're going to be rich.
	He's got to be worth, what, $300 million?
	Yeah.
	$40, $45.
	But go to the, the thing I like about her on trial is, and I'm reluctantly doing this by popular demand, she talks to the entire courtroom.
	So the lawyer will ask her a question.
	Instead of staring at the lawyer and responding, she'll look around the room and try to like say like, at one point in this, she goes, I have a, yes, I have a baby sister.
	I have a little sister.
	I have an older sister, too.
	I would imagine she's talking to the jury.
	Yes.
	I live in Yucca Valley, California.
	In high desert.
	Pretty yucca to shit in somebody's bed, I'd say.
	How old are you, Amber?
	I am 36.
	I just celebrated.
	The other thing I don't get about this is we don't have any evidence for this shit.
	So it's just two people that hate each other's guts saying bad shit about each other.
	Yeah, they recorded each other back and forth.
	Yeah, so that we'll talk about.
	That should be in the trial.
	But like the shitting in the bed, unless you have a DNA sample, I don't believe you.
	Yeah, there's no proof of that.
	And do you have a daughter?
	How old was she when you did the movie with her?
	She's 36 now.
	So 26.
	Oh, 10 years ago in that movie?
	I fucked her during that night.
	Yep.
	Very nice.
	Many talented Mr. Ripley.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm glad you brought that up.
	I forgot about that.
	I texted that to Ryan.
	You didn't fuck her.
	Well, I didn't say I literally put my penis in her vagina.
	I fucked her, meaning that we walked down the street together for four minutes.
	Well, that's not fucking I remember.
	On film.
	How's that not fucking?
	That's porn.
	If that's fucking, then I'd fuck my aunt and fucking strangers.
	Well, then you've got some talking to do to the big guy upstairs because you are not going to heaven if you fucked your aunt.
	In the Cherokee tribe, you'd be named the one who shits out of his mouth because you're diarrhea.
	Falsities.
	I don't know.
	I have a twitch.
	She didn't.
	The only thing I know about Amber Heard with that thing when we did the movie was I told you this before, the paparazzi was everywhere.
	And she goes, yeah, they're here for me.
	And I was like, who are you?
	I looked on my phone and I saw a bunch of indie flicks.
	And I was like, what?
	You're in a bunch of shitty movies like the one we're in right now.
	And then I found out later she's sucking Johnny Depp's dick.
	And I wish I knew that because I could have said, I have a feeling this might not be the terrible indie films you've been in and the fact that you're sucking the most famous dick in the world.
	And that dick is in the trial.
	But yeah, as Tim points out, there's a moment in the trial where she's talking about how when you were with him and things were going well, the light would shine upon you.
	But when things were going bad, you were a persona non grata.
	It's in the talented Mr. Ripley verbatim.
	Oh my God.
	Check your text, Ryan.
	Plagiarism at its best at the trial.
	That's what happens.
	And that's what I love about actors like Matthew McConaughey.
	They deliver these incredible speeches that are written by nerds who have been writing their whole lives and have finally mastered the craft of writing a speech, which is very tricky.
	I don't have it in my text.
	You got to go hypothesis, conclusion, three supporting paragraphs.
	There's got to be a good arc.
	You better fucking not have this in your text or anybody else.
	I don't.
	It's true.
	Well, look up talented Mr. Ripley then.
	Maybe I sent it to myself.
	You've done that on occasion.
	Yes, I sent it to you.
	On the floors of Tokyoho, a doubted London town's go-go.
	Oh, here it is.
	I think we got it here.
	I found it.
	I found it too.
	I found it first.
	Okay.
	Quoting.
	Like, even that fucking gay voice.
	That's not your accent, dude.
	Alright, guys.
	Now I would like to show you something you would not.
	I can't listen to Europeans.
	Okay, so.
	Alright, guys, we're going to be going through the Ama Hood, talented Mr. Ripley.
	Plagiarism here, guys.
	It's going to be totally cool.
	And then later on, we're going to go to a rave.
	She did quote.
	We're going to be dancing and fucking totally partying, you guys, at the disco.
	Do you like to go to the disco?
	Every time people get hard on the blacks in America, I go, guys, I've been to places where whites have no blacks.
	It's not utopia.
	It's super corny.
	They have blonde bangs like this, skin-tight, distressed denim, and they talk about going to the disco, you guys.
	I said it to you, Ryan.
	Okay.
	Or sorry, Johnny.
	See, this is what happens when we try to cover news on the Thursday night shows.
	Okay, here we go.
	We neglect our sponsors.
	Here he is.
	What else to do?
	And I stopped laughing, but I didn't know what else to do.
	Wait.
	Is that what I just sent you right now?
	Well, you sent me this.
	Yeah, she did say she didn't know what scene that was.
	And in her opening monologue, she's literally quoting the talented Miss Ripley.
	It's looking like she's taking things out of books and movies and making them about her.
	So click on the first pick.
	Talent of Miss Ripley, actual quotes from the movie.
	The thing with Johnny...
	Oh, sorry, this is her talking.
	The thing with Johnny, it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious.
	And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold.
	When you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world.
	That's why everybody loves him so much.
	Okay, that sounds good.
	And then move over to the next one.
	The thing with Dickie, it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious.
	And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold.
	Oh, Jesus Christ.
	When you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world.
	That's why everybody loves him so much.
	I mean, fucking Jesus.
	Verbatim.
	Not even the.
	Not even the general concept.
	Oh, my Lord.
	That's like blowing her ear.
	She needs a refill.
	Go back to Amber acting her ass off in the first clip, Ryan.
	Oh, here on Josh's thing.
	He's got a clip of it posted up there.
	Like, when I was around Johnny, I felt like the most beautiful person in the world.
	You know, it made me feel seen.
	It made me feel like a million dollars.
	It felt like a dream.
	It felt like an absolute magic.
	Okay, that's not the sun shining on you.
	And then he would disappear.
	And there'd be just no way to get a hold of him.
	There'd be just no way to contact him.
	Stop.
	I know what the disappear is.
	He goes to visit an old friend who's good at keeping her mouth shut.
	She's a fat chick.
	They do heroin together.
	I'm guessing, by the way, but I feel good about this.
	Tons of tattoos.
	She's tattooed like her toes are tattooed.
	And they go and they have a session, like three or four days of just smack and falling asleep and shitting themselves and cleaning up the shit and just like actually they don't shit because they're constipated.
	I caught you, didn't I, Johnny?
	I don't know what you're talking about.
	And he leaves her like 2,000 bucks after he leaves to keep her mouth shut.
	I don't know, maybe 10,000.
	And then she gets more smack.
	It's a wonder she's still alive.
	She's a bartender in the East Village.
	She was.
	On St. Mark's.
	I mean, I don't know.
	Oh, you just...
	He who throws arrows in the dark and gets a bullseye.
	Nostra Guinness strikes again.
	Anyway, that's not what we're accusing her of.
	I think this might be it.
	Thing with Dickie.
	It's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious.
	And then he forgets you when it's very, very cold.
	So I'm learning.
	When you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world.
	Actors.
	But wait a minute.
	Guys.
	But they don't have hers.
	This is not what Amber.
	I don't have evidence of her saying.
	That's true.
	Yeah, this is not evidence.
	She didn't say.
	So now we have an ill-prepared show, and now we look like assholes.
	Well, we got to the bottom of it.
	But we debunked.
	We're like snoops.
	But go back to the clip I sent you where she's just like talking to the crowd.
	She also celebrated her birthday recently.
	She's one.
	Okay.
	We don't care.
	What is your profession?
	So she's talking about her birthday, and then she says her daughter just celebrated her birthday too.
	She's one.
	I'm a great person.
	You should like me and vote in my favor.
	I am an actor, mostly.
	Mostly.
	No.
	Why are you here?
	I am here because my ex-husband is suing me for an op-ed I wrote.
	What's the next link?
	Actually, fuck the next link.
	I'm done talking about this.
	All right.
	Let's start the show.
	Oh, okay.
	We're going to start the show and then we want to take calls.
	I'm actually embarrassed that we spent so much time on that shit.
	Hampa Heard.
	You heard?
	Do we get rid of the freeloaders?
	So now change the background to the males.
	Oh, yeah.
	I've got to keep telling you how to do your fucking job.
	We have a new fancy one.
	Look at this.
	This says it's back to back.
	When I was around Johnny, I felt like the most beautiful person in the whole.
	The thing with Dickie, it's like the sun shines on you.
	It's the same.
	No, it's not the same.
	And then he would disappear.
	And there'd be just no way to get a hold of him.
	There's no darkness and no light crap.
	Yeah, that's not verbatim.
	I was sitting here laughing my head off.
	You can't copyright the idea of when a guy likes me, I feel good, and then he doesn't like me, and I don't feel as good.
	Sorry, that's called relationships.
	That's called Every Chick I Ever Fucked, by the way.
	Wait, do we?
	What a fucking dumb wild goose chase that was.
	That was a lie.
	I'm annoyed.
	I feel betrayed.
	How do you feel, Tim?
	I feel ashamed that I brought it up.
	Yeah.
	Oh, good point.
	Should I leave?
	It's Tim's.
	You should be more ashamed that you drink Michelob Ultra.
	What is that?
	You're trying to slim down?
	Yep.
	$94.
	Why?
	No one wants to fuck you.
	You're married to one woman and she's not interested.
	I felt worthless.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	So she didn't quote the movie at all.
	She quoted the general concept of rejection, which is like, yeah?
	My wife brought that to me after she saw it on a TikTok.
	Like it was.
	Yeah, me too.
	Well, in your defense, I sent it to Ryan because I was like, holy shit, she's quoting movies.
	No, there's a movie that said a guy likes me and he didn't like me.
	And she said, Johnny Depp liked me and then he didn't like me.
	Anyway, this is the problem with covering fucking Amber Heard.
	By the way, free speech.tv was an awesome URL.
	I was very happy to get it.
	And then we got sued or threatened to be sued by someone at the trademark.
	They didn't own the site.
	They own the trademark to FreeSpeech TV.
	So we had to switch it to censored.tv.
	I was not thrilled about that.
	Censored is a weird word.
	People spell it wrong all the time.
	People think it's censored.tv, or uncensored is another big mistake.
	But serendipity, God is smiling down on me.
	It's becoming like the most used word in the American vernacular.
	Look at that.
	Front page of the New York Post today.
	Censored.
	Conservatives instantly gained followers after Elon by proof of Twitter's secret shadow banning.
	We also discovered today, by the way, that Soros, the Clintons, and Obama have been pressuring advertisers on Twitter to boycott Twitter if Elon buys in.
	Because Joe Biden is not president.
	Obama is president.
	And Obama is pushing this misinformation shit because he wants to control the American conversation the same way Britain controls the British conversation with the BBC and the same way that Canada controls the Canadian conversation with the CBC and Justin's bizarre donations to random media companies.
	That's pretty big.
	We'll be discussing that tomorrow.
	We do have fought medals.
	We do have what?
	Oh, fought medals.
	Yes.
	You know, I keep saying to people, buy books.
	Don't throw out your CDs.
	Don't throw out your cassettes and buy hardcover books.
	I have a book called When Harry Became Sally.
	I just picked it up for like 10 bucks about 10 years ago.
	And it is unavailable now.
	Similarly, buy silver.
	Look, I don't know shit about Bitcoin.
	I'm not getting involved in that.
	I'm too old to figure it out.
	Silver is tangible.
	Silver, I know.
	Veteran-owned FOP medals have trust and transparency.
	You know what you're getting.
	You can hold on to it.
	If the shit hits the fan, you're holding silver in your hand.
	Go through that site, Ryan.
	Let's see everything they have available.
	No, not your homepage.
	It's called God's Money.
	Yeah.
	I wish I met, was it Steve Forbes at Fox News once, and he was all about getting the Fed back to the gold standard.
	That would be awesome.
	That's what we need to do here, because look at what Biden's doing, just printing infinite money.
	And the problem with the death of math in education is young people, Zoomers and millennials go, I don't understand.
	Just make, if you need money, just make another $100 bill.
	Yeah, T-notes.
	They have the fucking, they have the capabilities.
	If we're low on dough, just make more dough.
	What could possibly be the problem?
	Silver's up 3% today, too.
	Oh, really?
	Do you invest in silver?
	Yeah, I have silver.
	I have precious metals.
	Oh, wow.
	What about you, Tim?
	Nope.
	I got.
	You do?
	I do.
	Really?
	Oh, yeah.
	A guy who bought like a fucking ton of gold brush all over his house.
	What'd you say?
	I got a bunch.
	And then Hollow.
	It's like a lie.
	No, I do.
	I have five pounds of silver.
	I have a couple of ounces of it.
	Where?
	In coins, different coins.
	We have a bullet that my wife wanted to get a bullet.
	We went to a silver convention.
	We went to like a coin convention.
	That's where I got all this weird money.
	I got this like Jewish money and Nigerian money.
	Isn't all money Jewish money?
	Hey.
	Just kidding, FOP Metals.
	Well, goodbye, FOP Metals.
	It's been real.
	This is our last ad with FOP Metals.
	Yeah, another vet-owned company.
	So use promo code GAVIN when you go to FOPMetals.com.
	By the way, if you're just hearing the audio here, it's a strange spelling.
	P-H-A-U-P.
	FOP.
	P-H-A-U-Pmetals.com.
	What's going on over there?
	Oh.
	I believe we do also, we want to, I don't know if they're going to be down for this, but we want to mint a coin with them.
	Oh, that would be fun.
	So it says G-OML on one side and then maybe a baby monster on the back, like the one that we have the shirt graphic for.
	That'd be amazing.
	I want the URL, gofuckyourself.com, so badly.
	I looked it up.
	It's some message board for porn stars.
	Look, people who make porn.
	It's called gfy.com.
	Now, what if you add something to it?
	They're not using gofuckyourself.com.
	How about gofuckyourself loser?
	No, no, that's done.
	Because I want when people ask me what I'm doing, I want to go, yeah, I do a site called gofuckyourself.com.
	That is pretty good.
	And they're like, okay, calm down, calm down.
	No, you're not on Fox News anymore.
	I'm not trying to start a fight.
	Like, no, I'm not trying to start a fight either.
	That's my site.
	All right, can we take some calls?
	Should we check some mail?
	Do we also have Johnny Apple CBD?
	Are you sure we have Johnny Apple CBD?
	All I know is I got an updated copy and we were to kind of update uh now it's fifteen percent.
	So going back in time, if we've ever advertised twenty percent, it's fifteen percent.
	Okay, and they also have been wrong about virtually everything that's come out of your mouth.
	I got some new emails from that.
	Are you sure that we have johnnyapplecbd.com as a okay, so johnnyapplecbd.com.
	They've been with us since day one.
	And the variety on their site is shocking.
	It's not just vape stuff.
	It's not just the gummies.
	By the way, the gummies have this weird shit in them.
	You can get one particular, I think it's called the Delta, where you're baked.
	Delta 8 gets you baked.
	Delta 8.
	That's how you remember.
	Delta 8.
	You're fucking stoned out of your mind.
	Totally legally.
	No THC whatsoever.
	Everything is by the book.
	And you're fucking high.
	Take it at night.
	Go for a nap.
	Have the craziest dreams you've ever had.
	Holy shit.
	I just remembered that I was taking CBDs and I had a dream about Superman.
	I dreamt a sketch.
	Interesting.
	You want to hear it?
	Oh, please.
	Okay.
	I dreamt a comedy sketch on Johnny Apple CBD.
	It's a woman in a car and it's coming from the sky.
	And she's yelling at the passenger seat.
	She's like, Superman, help, help, Superman.
	And then he catches the car and brings it down.
	And then he's like, why the fuck was the car flying in the sky?
	And she's like, oh, nothing.
	And then they drive away.
	Can't you go?
	No prime reason.
	No, I can't explain it.
	And then another one is some guy, some kid is at his house and he has to eat octopus.
	And he's like, Superman, hope, hope.
	And Superman flies through their front of their...
	I'm remembering, I dreamt this.
	Well, you know, not really dream, like semi-awake.
	He walks through the front of their house, destroys their bay window.
	He goes up to the kid.
	The kid spits out the shitty food in his mouth and he throws it down on the ground.
	And Superman goes, that's fucking gross.
	And then he flies out the hole he made.
	And then the parents start hitting the kid because he fucked up the front of the house by calling for Superman.
	So that's funny.
	That's the kind of funny shit you come up with when you're on Johnny Apple CBDs at johnnyapple.com.
	Promo code Gavin, 15% off.
	Tank sure to take the edge off.
	What?
	Hey guys, good news.
	It's 20% off.
	So, wait a minute.
	I have the read here.
	That would mean you were wrong.
	It's correct.
	But I was correct about being wrong.
	You were correct about being wrong.
	That's a new one.
	That gels with me.
	That feels about right.
	That's about the amount of responsibility I'd like to take.
	Correct about being wrong.
	I put a skull and crossbones on the Delta 8 one because it gets you lidy.
	And I don't partake in anything.
	I don't smoke weed.
	I barely drink.
	If I'm at Doomerfest, I'll drink.
	But here we go.
	And by the way, I've been taking a nighttime nootropic to try to get me to bed.
	Now, they're expensive.
	I'm going to try to go onto their...
	It's called Nighttime Tincture, which will put you to sleep with CBN.
	Not CBD, CBN.
	And they have an HHC super hemp stem vape pen that's brand new.
	And the tincture is CBN.
	It's infused with CBD and a really powerful relaxant.
	Am I the only guy dying of boredom right now?
	It's just quality information.
	Okay.
	Let's go to the mailbag.
	Thank you, Johnny Apple.
	Actually, let's say goodbye to the freeloaders.
	Yeah, they're gay.
	So, guys, $10 a month, unlimited content.
	You literally could not watch it all.
	If you do watch it all, I'm worried about you because you're spending eight hours a day watching censored.tv.
	You need to get a life.
	But we don't just riff and joke about shit.
	We cover all the top stories.
	So when you're going to censored.tv again every day, you're not missing out on anything.
	The war in Ukraine, we hit all the top trending stories, but we also fuck around and have plenty of laughs.
	And the beauty of it is that it's 100% woke-free.
	There is no woke shit on this show ever.
	In fact, it gets alarmingly racist at times.
	Just kidding.
	So if you want to talk, if you want us to talk to you the way you talk to your friends in bars, go to censored.tv, pay the price of, what, two beers a month?
	And have unlimited quality content.
	Maddie Odell alone, just one guy.
	You get him at the live show on Thursday nights.
	He also does his own show, Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen, where in his tiny apartment, he makes incredibly elaborate dishes.
	Oh, yeah.
	We got Anthony Coomi and I. We got Jim Goad on the site.
	And we have Lotus.
	She just posted a video for the first time in a long time.
	Yep.
	So we got Bits.
	If you're watching for free, there's a whole free shit section.
	Yeah, we have a whole free shit segment you can send to your friends.
	I think Katie Hopkins...
	No, I know Katie Hopkins and Wayne Dupree are no more.
	They're no longer more.
	One of the reasons is this asshole demanded a raise.
	I'm not giving him more of my money.
	So I said, okay, I'll give you two new shows, and I'll cut out two shows.
	So I cut those shows out, and now he does Celebrity Mailbag, where he reads the mail as a person, a famous character.
	Tomorrow's Own Benjamin, so write in.
	He does Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen.
	Yes.
	We're very transparent on the show.
	So goodbye, you assholes.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Tim, I can't believe I haven't asked you anything about your job.
	You were the canine unit for the New York State Troopers, and your job was bomb diffusal.
	Sort of, yep.
	And there has never, you guys never diffused one bomb in the history of New York State or America.
	That is incorrect.
	Well, I've done it.
	I think what I told you was the canine has not detected a bomb on a search.
	Okay, a police dog has never discovered a bomb, ever.
	I don't have any evidence of this, but that's the statistic that I was always told.
	But army dogs have caught bomb dogs.
	Absolutely.
	You know, I don't think, I didn't make it clear, like, you know, bomb dogs can find guns and people, you know, they track human scent and do other things.
	But, you know, I just meant like on a random search of, say, a dignitary motorcade or something like that, I was told there was never an explosive found.
	Have you ever found an explosive otherwise?
	You were in the bomb squad.
	Did you ever come across a bomb squad?
	Yeah, we would get called as a bomb, as a bomb technician, I would get called to bombs all the time.
	Have you ever diffused a bomb?
	Like a hand entry?
	Like that whole thing with the red wire?
	No.
	No.
	If you have a red wire and a blue wire, which one should one choose?
	That would depend on the x-ray.
	You would have to...
	Didn't you tell me the other day some guy was making a bomb for a gender reveal and he blew his fucking self to smithereens?
	Yes.
	Yep.
	That was public knowledge in the paper.
	See it on the news.
	Yeah, that made international news, I think.
	Yeah, it was in Sullivan County.
	And it was just blood everywhere.
	Yeah, it was pretty bad.
	What did he do?
	He made a pipe bomb.
	He drilled out a hole where you would maybe put a fuse.
	He filled the center of the bomb with Pyrodex powder, black powder.
	And then he filled the ends of it with blue powder, because he was going to have a boy.
	And then he drilled in the end caps of the pipe bomb.
	He thought that when he lit the center hole, the pressure from the black powder would push the blue powder out the ends and would reveal the gender.
	But obviously he didn't account for the release of energy that would happen when you ignite that black powder and it blew up like a pipe bomb would.
	And so one of the end caps into his head.
	And he was just dead instantly.
	So what were the escape routes for the energy?
	Just that tiny hole he drilled?
	Yeah.
	Where the fuse was?
	Yeah.
	No other.
	Nope.
	Well, no.
	The two end caps had holes in them also, which what was expected.
	Oh, you got a powder to shoot out.
	I was hoping for like fizz.
	Yes.
	But the energy didn't have time to get out of those holes.
	No, it's no way.
	You know what John told me at the pub?
	I don't know if I mentioned this in the show today or in the past, but he was talking about how advanced our tanks are.
	And we now have, instead of like bombs or bullets on tanks, we have these spears.
	Stop me if I've talked about this before.
	Spear?
	Spears.
	It's a long sort of a bullet.
	It's a tungsten rod that's shaped like a spear.
	And it's dead non-radioactive uranium.
	Apparently uranium, after it's dead, is like the densest thing in the universe.
	You couldn't pick up like a uranium stick.
	It weighs like 400 pounds, even though it's just this big.
	Okay.
	So they put these in the tanks and they shoot it at an enemy tank.
	It goes through the tank like a fucking hot knitting needle through butter.
	It goes out the other side.
	It creates a vacuum as it goes out the other side and sucks everything out a tiny hole, exit hole this big.
	Which it can't, but it has to because there's so much energy going out of this little hole, just like a pipe bomb.
	So the men that are in the tank get sucked out as much as they can.
	And when you open up the tank after, it's just jam.
	Yeah.
	Soup.
	It's just jam and bones.
	Is it the kinetic energy penetrator?
	Maybe.
	Remind me not to be on the receiving end of that.
	Our tanks are fucking badass.
	So did you ever, like, did you wear the big bomb stuff?
	I should have asked you this during the free part.
	Yes.
	And is that relatively reliable?
	You could have an open casket at your funeral.
	I see.
	But you're going to die.
	Well, it all depends on, you know, how many.
	How many bombs did you deal with in your career?
	You say bombs.
	I mean, we went from everything to fireworks calls to military ordnance calls to kids making pipe bombs in their bedroom.
	So a lot, if you add up all the calls, I would go.
	But I'm talking about like...
	A few times a month we would go on.
	That's rare.
	And everyone going who's getting closer, you know, big bomb clear blast area with the pylons and everything?
	A few times a year.
	A couple times a year.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I mean, well, what do you like?
	We had one up in the center of the state.
	The guy put a container full of, you know what, what's the exploding target?
	Tannerite.
	He put the tannerite in the, like a big plastic container, and you shoot tannerite.
	The exploding targets, you feel like those?
	He put it under a guy's car in the middle of the night.
	And then he, I think he drove up with maybe an SUV or something and shot at the back because he didn't have any rounds, but he missed the container of tannerite, but he had it wedged underneath a guy's truck.
	He shot all around it, completely missed the tannerite.
	We didn't know what it was under there, but yeah, I had to go back down there in the suit and x-ray it and figure out what it was.
	X-ray it?
	Yeah.
	You have a portable x-ray machine?
	You sort of blast at it?
	We have x-ray equipment, yep.
	Do you wear regular clothes underneath the bombsuit?
	What'd he say?
	He said, do you wear regular clothes underneath the bombsuit?
	A regular what?
	Clothes.
	Yeah.
	Like jeans?
	I usually pack shorts because it gets very hot in the bombsuit.
	I would imagine something.
	How heavy is that whole thing?
	Oh, the helmet weighs like 30 pounds.
	So it's heavy.
	Yeah.
	You're good for about 20 minutes on a hot day, and that's it.
	So have you ever had a moment where you were like shaking and there was a red wire and a blue wire and you went?
	No.
	So the movies lied to you?
	It's pretty uneventful.
	It's slow, monotonous, step-by-step.
	Pretty sexy job, though.
	You work with dogs.
	Women love those animals, guys.
	And then your job is to diffuse bombs.
	I started in the canine unit with a bomb dog, and then I worked my way into the bomb disposal unit.
	And what is your pension?
	What's every check you get?
	What is that?
	Well, I've only retired.
	I've only collected one check.
	It was sweet, though.
	I'm going to guess you make $120 a year for the rest of your life till you die.
	I'll go down to $80 if you get really angry.
	But yeah.
	See, this is how you find out how much people make.
	You say, what do you make?
	And they're like, I don't want to get into that.
	And you're like, $70,000?
	It's public knowledge.
	Yeah, you could look on a...
	$21C Through New York.
	It's public knowledge, my pension.
	So what is your pension?
	It's averaged right now at like $127 a year.
	Wow.
	That's amazing.
	And businesses are booming.
	Get it?
	And all your bills are paid.
	Your mortgage is paid or damn near close, I bet.
	I worked a lot of overtime in the last seven years or so.
	And they factor that in, right?
	It's like 80% of overtime.
	But I heard they're trying to cut back on that because guys were abusing it.
	Yeah, the tiers have changed since I got on the job.
	Oh, you're tier three?
	I'm tier two.
	Oh, you're better.
	My brother was tier three, I think.
	They're up to tier six now.
	Yeah, my brother, I believe, was tier three when he retired.
	Now, what is your guys' beef with the NYPD?
	There's no beef.
	Yes, there is.
	Occasionally, you might get a trooper that stops an NYPD.
	You know, a lot of NYPD guys live outside the city, so they commute into the city.
	They live in, what's that, River Three Rivers?
	Pearl River?
	Yeah, yeah.
	In Rockland County?
	Yeah, there's a lot of cops and firemen there.
	It's cop land.
	But occasionally, you know, you'll have an incident between a trooper and an off-duty NYPD guy on his way to work, and it gets figured out.
	The unions get together.
	Why are you denying this feud?
	We know the feud.
	Are you saying it died down?
	You've got to acknowledge there was a feud.
	Maybe I haven't checked in on it.
	It was short, though.
	It happened maybe a month or so, and then they figured it out.
	A month?
	Yeah.
	It was like Army versus Navy.
	FDMY, NYPD.
	It was the fucking bloods in the crypts.
	It's never that bad.
	Because it was because a state trooper gave an NYPD guy a ticket.
	Yeah, he feels disrespected.
	Maybe, you know what I mean?
	So he writes him a ticket, and then it blows up into this.
	And then NYPD guys start writing state troopers.
	And the trooper starts, oh, we're going to write every city cop we stop.
	And then, yeah, I think a city cop locked up a trooper for DWI and the Bronx.
	It was a little cute going on, but it didn't last that long.
	It comes down to a dick measuring contest.
	Yeah.
	So is that over now?
	Yeah.
	It was a couple years ago.
	Then it'll happen again.
	There's no need to blow things out of proportion.
	Can't hear him.
	What do you think?
	He said, there's no need to blow things out of proportion.
	Ryan, so Tim can see you.
	You might want to take over my back screen when you say things.
	Oh, he can see me from the camera over there, right?
	Oh, he can't.
	That's Jesse Lee Peterson.
	We have the AC blasting.
	I want to ask one question, though.
	When people say, how's your job?
	You can say, businesses are booming.
	You can take that one.
	Me and the bomb tech.
	It's booming.
	Wouldn't it be amazing?
	You guys have high-vis tees we can have?
	The bomb squad?
	Yeah.
	No.
	I guess you don't want to be high-vis.
	Or the big suits, that'd be cool.
	You must have cool merch.
	I saw that you gave us a couple patches.
	They're the coolest patches of all of you.
	Oh, that was you.
	Yeah, I'm going to get you some sweatshirts and stuff and t-shirts.
	Why don't you have a tattoo of that bomb with the wings on it?
	It's a cool logo.
	I thought about it.
	Okay, I'm getting boring.
	Let's take a call.
	And we do have the super chat.
	So you would go to the site.
	You guys all know how to do it.
	You go to the site, and you go to live page, and then you click under donate to read a message on air.
	And it would look like this.
	We do have a caller on the line.
	You might need to turn your mic on, Gav.
	Oh, yes.
	This plug doesn't work anymore, right?
	Hello.
	No, it does now.
	It's fixed.
	It was the fuse.
	Hey, what's going on, caller?
	Hey, man.
	Hey, Bernan from Fort Lauderdale here.
	I just wanted to see if we could get Ryan to do an impression of Crick Daddy with the hand and all.
	You know, I've tried because me and my wife were not laughing at him, but the fact that he's always turned, it makes him look like he's suspicious of you.
	He's always like this.
	So it looks like he's suspicious.
	Oh, fuck.
	My bad.
	I can't.
	I've tried.
	It's not good.
	It would just be insulting.
	I can do it in imitation of Crypt Daddy.
	Oh, God.
	It goes a little like this.
	Oh, Ryan, I'm Crypt Daddy.
	Oh, I've been cutting it.
	Oh, I can't.
	Oh, hey, what's going on?
	What are you guys doing?
	Hey, I have a fucking thing in my neck.
	I'm Crypt Daddy.
	Yeah, I don't want to do that.
	How was that?
	Terrible.
	It was mean.
	That was good.
	No, it was not good.
	I think I nailed it.
	Terrible?
	But I really want to see Ryan try.
	Like, really, just try.
	Just try, Ryan.
	It's easy.
	Just talk like those guys who have their neck things and then talk at an angle.
	Tracheotomy.
	Tracheotomy guy at an angle.
	Yeah, I have been playing Elden Ring, but it's not very fun.
	Oh, my God.
	That's your worst he got.
	I don't have the heart to do it.
	It's not even like it's that.
	You had the heart.
	Now you're being more whatever racist you call it.
	Racist.
	You're being more crippledist by thinking it's too delicate.
	I literally tried it.
	It's so new on the side.
	Okay, you're fine with things going.
	Anyway, I could do the face swap.
	I really want to see Ryan drop.
	Yeah, I agree, Caller.
	You're not off the hook till you try, you fucking faggot.
	All right, well, I will try, but, yeah, basically, you know.
	It's more of a grind.
	Yeah.
	He's not like that.
	Oh, I didn't mean I don't have it in my heart.
	I meant I don't have it in my vocal cords because I'm too able-bodied.
	Okay, just do it.
	I did it.
	That was terrible.
	Well, you want me to do it till it's good?
	Wait, get close to good?
	Hey, guys.
	I'm Crip Daddy.
	Oh, man.
	I'm awesome.
	Oh my god.
	That's like fireworks.
	I'm also pretty baked.
	I'm not going to lie to you.
	Oh, that's why.
	That Delta fucked you up.
	That was a lot more sense.
	I was really feeling the Jesse Lee Peterson asking bomb guy questions.
	Just be like, oh, you hate white, but just stupid shit.
	But now I'm getting into it.
	I'll take another call.
	So now you're bumping your own microphone with.
	Hey, Dweebs, I was the first second caller weeks, and you told me I won something from Beard Vet.
	Tried to contact you via mailbag.
	Do it again.
	Okay, do it again.
	We're sorry.
	We fucked up.
	Yes.
	This is a great tweet from the mailbag.
	Jesus Christ is the subject.
	But it says, Kyle, this is going around.
	It actually went pretty viral.
	Jack Pisobic talking about Kyle Rittenhouse and saying, Kyle Rittenhouse, trigger discipline, I discipline.
	And this horny teen has managed to not look at Lara Logan's tits, which are phenomenal.
	Some of the greatest tits in the history of the MAGA movement.
	Look at those things.
	Not fake.
	If you recall, Lara Logan was the one who was gang raped by Muslims.
	Yeah, she was the one who...
	She's looking pretty old there.
	She was the one who was so woke that she went to the Arab Spring on behalf of 60 Minutes and said, hello.
	She's like South African or something.
	Hello.
	What gives you the rat?
	We are here with the Arab Spring and everything is going great.
	It's just like the hippies.
	It's just like Kent State.
	Everything is awesome and Arab men are not sexist.
	And I'm walking around with my blonde hair in no burqa.
	What could go wrong?
	And then they whip her back there and fucking finger her butthole, her vagina, tear at her tits, almost rip her tits off, her gorgeous tits off.
	And that's when she realized, um, liberals don't have my best interest in mind.
	I think I'm going conservative.
	And that's when she joined Fox Nation.
	And then, 60 Minutes, Australia, like four months later, went to some, I don't know, Denmark or some shit.
	And they started interviewing Somalian refugees, expecting everything would go groovy.
	And they got attacked.
	They beat up the Somalians, beat up the cameramen.
	Like, come on, guys.
	But Lara Logan is a fucking Benjamin Buttons babe.
	She gets hotter every year.
	Somebody said engineers getting Lego cars to cross gaps is a gay for men type moment.
	Interesting.
	Okay.
	Um, I don't understand what you just sent me.
	It seems logical to me that a really long thing could get across a gap.
	Um I'm told there's a Mets emergency right now.
	Well my wife just texted me and said, what the fuck is going on?
	908's on the line also.
	8-7, final.
	Uh-oh.
	The Mets lost?
	No, we're winning 8-7 now, but it's in the final.
	It's very heated.
	Can you pull up the game?
	Do you know how to do that, Ryan?
	I'm looking into it.
	We have somebody on the line.
	I don't know if they're...
	Okay, let's talk to them.
	908.
	Go ahead, Paul.
	Hi, how's it going?
	Good.
	Well, I was curious regarding the recent SCOTUS leaks on Rogie Wade.
	So obviously a lot of people are upset.
	I know you're anti-abortion, as am I, actually, but what is your opinion on people since abortions are going to happen regardless of whether it's legal or not?
	So what is your opinion on people who wait too long and then they have to get an abortion?
	Or they choose to get an abortion, but it's now illegal in their state, so then they're going to risk getting injured or whatever.
	Where?
	On a road trip to a Red City?
	Yeah.
	That's going to be medical torture.
	This is what no one writing about this understands.
	Right now, you have to have abortions legal in the entire country.
	They want to overturn that.
	That doesn't mean that the states can't still have abortion.
	They're not making abortion illegal in 100% of America.
	So New York City, every red city, which is basically all the big ones, will have abortion.
	So these dumb sluts are protesting a road trip.
	Medical tourism.
	Sorry.
	I'm sorry you had to sit in the car because you got so drunk you let some asshole, black guy usually, come in you and you got pregnant.
	We're going to be deep diving on this tomorrow because it's a big subject, but it's, you know, all my MAGA dad buddies are like, this is really bad for us.
	We're going to get slaughtered in the midterms because this was bad timing.
	And I get that because it's going to get these Democratic housewives off the couch and voting because they're like, holy shit, we're going to lose abortion.
	But I don't know if I agree with that because 50% of women are pro-life.
	This isn't a female-male thing.
	It's an ethical discussion about when a life is a life.
	So lots of women are Christian and they don't think that abortion is kosher.
	So I think it might have the adverse effect and have a lot of conservative women running to the polls and saying, I'm voting against or I'm voting for the GOP because I'm so happy that they're finally going to overturn Roe v.
	Wade.
	By the way, Jane Rowe had that baby.
	She didn't want an abortion.
	She was paid to pretend she wanted an abortion.
	Her name isn't Jane Rowe.
	It's like Nicholas, I think she's Scottish, Nikki McClowski or something.
	She had her baby, gave it up for adoption, and she became pro-life.
	Totally fake hero of theirs.
	Just like fucking Rosa Parks.
	That wasn't the girl who was at the back of the bus.
	The black woman who was at the back of the bus, or at the front of the bus, who was sent to the back of the bus, was a potty mouth.
	And she was like, motherfucker, you think you can make me sit where you want to say, I'll fuck you up and I'll rape your mother, you bitch.
	I stabbed your grandma in the cunt with a broken bottle.
	And they're like, huh.
	Verbatim.
	Can we get someone else?
	And then they found some old woman who I don't think is black.
	I think Rosa Parks is Indian.
	There's no kink here.
	And Rosa Parks was like, I wear white gloves and I hold my purse like this.
	Okay, well, you get on a bus and do the thing that the other bitch did, but not as Leslie Jones.
	Like, try to be a little more Denise Huxtable.
	And she's like, no problem.
	That's who I am because I'm a Cherokee.
	I'm not even fucking black.
	They keep having these fake heroes represent them.
	But yeah.
	Thanks for calling.
	I stuck you on the line there quite a bit.
	Now we got.
	Motherfucking.
	541.
	You're in line.
	Gavin.
	I'm going to need you to keep talking about Amber Heard and that of a man, Johnny Depp.
	How dare you?
	Fuck you.
	Okay.
	It's the mad shitter.
	Is it the mad shitter?
	Wait, you're the guy who shot in that bed?
	You piece of shit?
	I did.
	It's been making it really easy for me.
	Everybody thinks it's her.
	You know, normally I have to blame my shits on the dog or grandma.
	Oh, yeah.
	How did you get into their house?
	Don't they have security?
	It's a lot easier than you'd think.
	Hmm.
	What kind of shit was he like?
	Because nobody's even thinking it's me.
	Did you lay out a huge log or was it more of like a shart?
	It was pretty fucking juicy.
	It was like liquidy.
	It was encased in a little bit of liquid when it came out.
	Fuck you, dude.
	You ever had one of those?
	I am burdened you were a fag.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Appreciate it.
	Here's a letter to Maddie from Maddie's shitty little kitchen.
	Maddie, I cooked the spicy peanut noodles and they came out great.
	Thank you.
	They were wicked easy to make.
	Sounds like we have a Bostonian here.
	Yeah.
	Do you have any favorite recipes that include chicken breast?
	Most of the time we go for thighs or drumsticks, but sometimes my wife picks up the breasts.
	I'd say about 75% of the time they turn out dry, shitty, and bland.
	Yeah, I'm not a big chicken breast, unless I just throw them on the grill and grill them.
	But I like chicken leg quarters and stuff like that, dark meat, thighs, and drumsticks.
	But chicken breasts, they'll be on the show.
	We've got a chicken coming up.
	Coming up.
	Brian, show the picture, you fucking douche.
	Oops, sorry.
	Maddie's shitty little kitchen is the subject heading.
	I got it right here.
	Have you heard this whole thing about how chickens are gross now?
	Look at that.
	And they weren't with the good.
	In the 50s and 60s, they would focus on the taste of the chicken, and now we're all about size, so we've ruined the taste of chicken.
	I don't know how you gauge the taste of something 50 years ago, but allegedly, chickens have become shitty.
	I buy organic free range.
	Is there a big difference with the taste?
	Yeah, they're smaller birds.
	They're not big oversized birds that are grown for a couple of months and then slaughtered just for their size.
	That's all the antibiotics and growth hormones and all that stuff they give them.
	All right, let's take a call.
	Maddie, have you ever been in a riot or had to fight your Sally?
	I've been in a fight with a Sally.
	Who was that?
	What happened to you?
	He was picking on another guy.
	I've told the story on the show before.
	He was mad because another Celly, I was in a 10-man cell in Virginia.
	10-man cell.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It was originally for four men.
	There was four bunks bolted to the wall, and then they threw three sets of other bunk beds in there.
	So originally for four guys, we had 10 guys in there.
	And this was in a private jail in Orange, Virginia.
	CVRJ, Central Virginia Regional Jail.
	The only time I actually had to fight a Selly.
	And this kid was mad because there was another scrawny little white kid, kid Kyle.
	And this guy, Randy, told Kyle to wake him up so he can go get his hair cut.
	Kyle forgot, and Randy was picking on him and kind of like screaming at him, abusing him a little bit.
	Were they all white?
	And I said, your fucking alarm clock.
	And they turned and they made a move at me.
	And I just put him in Gatine, choked him out, dragged him in the cell.
	And was everyone white in this story?
	Yeah, all whites.
	And no riots?
	I've been in prisons where there have been riots, but I wasn't involved in them.
	I got the word from the Spanish guys to stay out of the yard, but I went to the yard anyway.
	We climbed up on the backstop of the softball field while 50 DC blacks fought about 150 Mexicans.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	That sounds like a fun.
	Oh, flash grenade, bomb, bomb, bomb.
	That was crazy.
	I think we were in a month-long institutional lockdown after that.
	That must have been one of the most entertaining things you could possibly see.
	Oh, it was fun.
	Some people got fucked up.
	There's weapons and everything involved.
	But what they do is everyone gets locked down.
	So now wherever you were, and everyone has to get strip searched because they have to do a body check to see if you have any cuts or bruises, see if you were involved.
	And then everyone gets locked in their housing units once everyone gets strip searched and all that stuff.
	And then they start going through the video footage.
	So as they're got the, because they don't know what started, they don't know what's, if it's going to keep going.
	So every now and then you'll see like people come up and grab like four people out of this unit, two people out of this unit, and they walk them down to the shoot.
	They're going to the hole because they're getting transferred.
	And then what sucks about that is like you get like one hot meal a week, but you get like these boxed lunches and shit like that.
	And then they have to let you out for a shower like once a week.
	And literally they're like, you got three minutes in the shower.
	And they're there with their watch.
	And I watched many people go to the hole with a towel around their waist filled with shampoo in their hair.
	Three minutes is tons of time.
	Huh?
	Armpits, foreskin, butthole, we're done.
	These dudes sitting in a stink cell with their cellmate on lockdown, pissed off and disgruntled, wanted to push the limits.
	So they went right to the bucket.
	Yeah, they don't play.
	When they tell you, they're going to bring you there.
	Don't worry, they got a place for you.
	But yeah, I was not involved in that.
	I just try to stay out of the politics internally.
	I don't do drugs in prison.
	I don't gamble.
	Yeah, that's what I keep hearing.
	Just don't do drugs.
	Don't rip off drug dealers.
	Don't get involved and you're fine.
	I had to sign what you call a tough guy sheet.
	Like when you get in the federal system, like when you're, I don't want to say gang when I was in the club.
	Because that's in my jacket, you know, I have known enemies, like say another outlaws or the banditos or the pagans or the Mongols.
	So if there's people from those gangs on the compound, like when you first come in, they'll either put you right in the shoe for what they call captain's review.
	So then you'll go to the shoe, then we'll put you in population right away, and then they're going to sit down with the captains.
	You'll be like, you know, you got known enemies, you know.
	Then you have to basically sign a waiver saying that you understand that you have known enemies on the compound and that the BOP, which is the Bureau of Prisons, is not responsible if you get hurt or killed.
	They call you tough guys.
	You have to sign something that says that?
	To go in the general population.
	I can die.
	I can die.
	And my family can't sue.
	That's amazing.
	Because, you know, they're in, what is it?
	Care, custody, and control.
	That's their job.
	Right.
	So care doesn't involve you.
	Right, they're saying, listen, you may potentially be killed if we put you here.
	Do you want to go on here?
	Knowing that?
	Yeah.
	Because you can't go to PC in Punk City.
	You can't be a, you know, did you ever have pagans or other criminals?
	Oh, yeah, there was a pagan and an outlaw there.
	Who were angry at you and said, have we got to fight?
	No, it took me about three days to track down who they were on the compound.
	And then, you know, I went up and addressed, you know, and they were like, listen, there's only 94 white guys in this jail.
	I'm going to have another decent white guy here.
	You know, all politics aside.
	Huh.
	That's what you said.
	Well, pretty much, you know, inside, what's happening in the streets is happening in the streets.
	But East Coast and West Coast time is totally different.
	East Coast time, like, you see bloods and crips walking down the same, talking to each other, like, like nothing's...
	In the East Coast.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But no politic is hard by race on the East Coast.
	It's like racially segregated, like divided.
	Like hard.
	East Coast is racially segregated.
	No, no, no.
	The West Coast is segregated.
	Oh, West Coast is rigid.
	Like, you don't mess outside of your race.
	They're so liberal, but they have the most segregated prisons.
	Yeah.
	Well, that's internal.
	Wouldn't that be funny if that was your crusade as a liberal?
	We need to get the prisons in the West Coast more diverse.
	Oh, my God.
	We need to desegregate them.
	I want to set up Bloods and the Aryan Nation, a meeting where they can get together and hold hands.
	There was actually only one.
	What a soccer game.
	I think there was one AB guy on my compound, and he actually overdosed on heroin and died.
	What's an AB guy?
	Aryan Brotherhood.
	Oh, AB.
	Yeah.
	Like, even though he's all tatted out, they ate all that stuff.
	But it is what it is.
	How do you feel, Tim, hearing all this, knowing that you sent thousands of men to prison to live in that hell zone for as little as smoking a marijuana joint or going five miles over the speed limit?
	Yeah.
	No.
	I always hear that statistic that people are in jail for marijuana.
	No.
	I don't think there is anybody in jail for a little bit of marijuana.
	Unless it's like a local county jail and the guy's like a shoplift and he's caught with a joint or something.
	Yeah, but that's not the case.
	Nobody's really in punishment.
	If you're in jail for pot, it's because there was 700 other things we couldn't get you on.
	It's like Al Capone with tax evasion.
	Yeah.
	Listen, you know, when I was doing my thing, I knew the rules.
	I never held grudges against.
	Yeah, I think you're a different generation of criminal, though.
	Like, you guys, you did the crime, you did the time.
	The new guys are like, this is fucking bullshit.
	Ow, you're hurting me.
	Like, that's their job.
	You know, they're going to break your chops when they pull you.
	Like, you know what?
	Like, it is what it is.
	Don't be mad.
	You know that bald guy at the bar who's got the weird-shaped head?
	Our buddy there, ex-cop.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know who you're talking about.
	And he was like, he was like, yeah, you know, 20 years ago, I'd be locking Maddie up.
	Now he's my best friend.
	Yeah.
	And I go, yeah, but Maddie knew that he could go to jail for his crimes.
	Right.
	And he punched a cop in the face semi-accidentally.
	Yeah.
	Hit me with a nightstick from behind.
	And I know what he did.
	They handcuffed him to a chair at the station.
	And when they walk by, they just punch him in the face and tune him up.
	My ass.
	And he was like, that's what I signed up for.
	That was in the 80s?
	Late 80s.
	Holy shit.
	So I love that because it's like there's no paperwork as a taxpayer.
	I don't have to pay for any of that.
	That's like almost 35 years ago.
	34 years ago.
	Wow.
	Now you couldn't get away with that.
	No.
	I mean, it happens, don't get me wrong.
	I've seen people come into jails where they've had their fucking ass stomped out.
	Well, I wanted our friend because Tim Poole keeps getting swatted.
	I was like, can you come swat us, the Bronx cops, because we're right down the street from the station.
	And he's like, maybe in 2004, maybe I wouldn't lose my pension and get my life ruined and everything.
	But there's no fucking way we could joke come to your studio.
	No fuck.
	My career would be over.
	My wife's career would be over.
	My great-grandchildren would be fucking arrested.
	Like, no.
	And then the city would probably sue you for the waste of resources and time and manpower and putting Jesse Smollett on you.
	He goes, just don't, that fun shit is gone.
	Yeah.
	But in Ireland, Jack's brother, when they were all down there, they fucking arrested him, threw him in a paddy wagon, drove him back to the police station all as a gag because his brother was a cop.
	Yeah, well, he was in the middle of nowhere, Ireland, on some farm.
	Dublin?
	No, but this was in Dublin.
	Oh.
	So there's still some humor somewhere.
	I recently came across Mike Ma, the author of Harassment and Gothic Violence, which shed some light on who he is and what you know about him.
	Scottish Hammer.
	What?
	Okay.
	Thanks, Scottish Hammer, whatever the fuck you're doing.
	It's Harassment Architecture.
	Oh, this is a $100.
	We always read the $100 ones.
	Veneration of the Housewife.
	You may be interested in this movie, Eve in Exile, the Restoration of Femininity.
	It seems to be in line with the Proud Boy's tenet of venerating the housewife.
	Check out this one-minute-long teaser.
	Okay, and thank you for spelling tenant right and not writing tenant.
	Appreciate that.
	Joam?
	Joe Mama.
	The worst part about multiculturalism is the fucking names.
	Well, it's Joe Mama.
	Oh.
	Yes.
	So that's.
	You know, my son, Johnny, at boxing, back during the pandemic, everyone had to sign their names.
	And he wrote his name as Joe Mama.
	And the owner of the gym came up to me.
	He's like, dude, your son wrote Joe Mama.
	And I was like, that's funny.
	And he goes, well, it's kind of disrespectful.
	Oh, come now.
	In the gym.
	I mean, you're trying to show respect to your teacher's son manners and stuff.
	And I was like, yeah, that's a good point.
	No, no, it's funny.
	I don't know.
	You're not a priest.
	What system?
	Can you provide a definition for the word woman?
	I can't.
	I'm not a biologist.
	Our culture is a diverse.
	Someone who wants to suck my dick.
	That's actually probably mostly dudes.
	You just want there to be no rules, no lines, no definitions.
	As a woman, what is that?
	What's to each their own?
	Yeah, women teach their own.
	We're Christian women, and we want to live in the way God told us to.
	But we're looking out over this current playing field and wondering where on earth we are supposed to stand.
	Okay, can you just pause it for a sec?
	This is what I'm talking about.
	Like, isn't it good that there was a leak about Roe v.
	Wade?
	Wouldn't that get pro-life women psyched and eager to vote for the Republicans to help push this?
	Because the thing I keep saying about the pro-choicers is they used to be more subtle and say, what if you're raped by your dad and all that?
	Now they're just like, fuck it.
	I love it.
	I love killing them.
	I get horny when they die.
	Kill them all.
	How about killing them 10 months after they're born?
	What about 51 years after they're born?
	Why does my mom kill me?
	She regrets it now.
	Sorry, go back.
	Our daughters are Born into the ruins of what used to be a Christian nation, and we are raising them in the wreckage of the West.
	What does obedience look like in this madhouse?
	That's a great quote.
	What does obedience look like in this madhouse?
	Hmm, hmm.
	Very eloquent.
	That looks cool.
	Thanks for the plug.
	We got a call.
	Okay, we haven't had calls in a minute.
	904, you're on the line.
	Go ahead, call it.
	Hey, what's up?
	Hey, man.
	Happy Cinco de Mayo.
	Yeah.
	Cinco de Mayo.
	What the fuck is Cinco de Mayo?
	Mexico took back Mexico from the Spanish for like an hour?
	I don't know, Holmes.
	I just drink the Coramos.
	Okay, man.
	Well, it's a bullshit holiday, essay.
	What's going on?
	I had a epiphany about the boxer.
	What's his name?
	Larry Bonds.
	Larry Bonds.
	He sees himself as the guy giving the speech, the retired champ, training the next generation.
	That's why he connects with that speech so much.
	Oh.
	You said you knew Mike Tyson.
	No, I did not.
	I said I was on a presser with him once in Atlantic City.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	That's probably why that movie stuck with him with such adeasive clarity.
	Because it was his life.
	Damn.
	Because that's what you are as a boxer.
	Like, he was at Madison Square Garden regularly.
	He was in the Coliseum.
	There was 80,000, 100,000 people watching him fight.
	He fought Trinidad for the Belt, right?
	Yep.
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	But he told me about Susan Sarandon and Michael Douglas and Jack Nicholson, all these people coming up to him.
	They all knew him back then.
	So he was a gladiator.
	Yeah, then that guy wasn't just a gladiator.
	He was a retired gladiator who made it out and was now training other gladiators to fight like Larry's doing now.
	Yeah, great theory, dude.
	All right.
	Thanks for coming.
	One more thing, please.
	Please, please.
	Sorry, but my son is having open heart surgery.
	Home to mommy.
	My son is having open heart surgery.
	What?
	Dude, if you're lying, you're going to have to.
	He's going to be born in a couple months.
	He's going to have open heart surgery.
	Just pray for him.
	Thank you.
	We are praying for him.
	Okay.
	We're going to pray for you.
	We're going to assume that's true.
	Why wouldn't you start with that?
	That's interesting.
	You're born with open heart surgery?
	Yeah.
	Oh, I don't know what the condition is, but I had a cousin who was born with a hole in her heart.
	Like, she had massive amounts of surgery before she was, like, one or two.
	Whoa.
	Jesus.
	I don't think I could handle the idea of that.
	How about some reverence for that?
	Wow.
	You know, have I told you this story before?
	I'm in Israel.
	I'm talking to a Christian Arab.
	He's our tour guide.
	Because our Israeli tour guide could only do Israel.
	When we went to the Palestinian side, they're not allowed over there.
	So we had to get Christians.
	But the way Christians see Jews over there is the same way Arabs, I mean, Muslims do, which is fuck the Jews.
	So he was not cool about the wall.
	And, okay, whatever.
	But the whaling wall?
	What?
	The whaling wall?
	No, no, the wall that separated.
	They have a Trump wall.
	It's fucking awesome.
	And near, like, Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, it's, you know, 50 meters high.
	But, you know, for the rest of Israel, it's a smart fence where you touch it and someone's there in a minute.
	It's what we need.
	It's exactly what we need.
	But anyway, he's showing me, we're having lunch after the tour, and he's showing me pictures of his daughter and very cute kid.
	She's like two, whatever.
	But some of the pictures, she's got tubes up her nose.
	And I'm like, oh, what's going on there?
	And she goes, oh, she had heart surgery.
	She had a heart transplant when she was one.
	Or I don't know if it's a heart transplant, but a valve replaced or something.
	And I'm like, hmm.
	So a tour guide in the Middle East is probably middle class.
	So let's say it's the American equivalent of 50 grand a year, 60 grand a year.
	Your sick daughter gets to go to Israel and get the top medicine in the world.
	Can you fucking imagine operating on a two-year-old's heart?
	No, not me personally.
	What the fuck is...
	You're opening the little ribs up.
	Yeah.
	You're getting in there with a little heart that's probably this, it's the size of a fucking die.
	And you're just replacing a valve there.
	And his attitude was like, fuck the Israelis.
	I don't know, they saved your daughter's life.
	Maybe say thanks, shithead.
	And that's indicative of the whole world's view of the West.
	You know?
	They hate us.
	We were colonists.
	And they love using our fucking cell phones and inventions.
	Anyway, here's a few ideas.
	Plan Parenthood hands out free birth control.
	Plan B, pill at drugstore.
	Close your legs.
	Yeah.
	But sure.
	I love how their whole thing is like, we're going to go on a sex strike.
	We're not going to fuck you anymore until you're married.
	And as conservatives, we're like, yeah.
	That's what we were going for.
	Stop being a fucking whore.
	And dude, stop jizzing in chicks.
	If there was repercussions, I think there'd be a lot less guys going, all right, let's take a call.
	The $5 ones can just sit up there.
	You can read them.
	Or a call thing has an issue.
	So we might want to go to these.
	What's going on?
	Our call-in thing has an issue.
	Hold on one second.
	Okay, well, let's go to the mailbag then.
	This is an amazing pick, and I want to feature it.
	A guy named Chris sent this in.
	He goes, this might be one of the most craziest picks I've ever Seen.
	Hey, stunning and brave Gavin and BIPOC Ryan.
	Check out this incredibly sane ally, spelled wrong, of the black struggle.
	I think if we were all as brave as this person, we could end racism overnight.
	Uhuru.
	What the fuck is going on?
	Kill the phone number for a second, Ryan.
	That's a dummy he made.
	And if you look closely, you can see there's a pole up his ass.
	Yeah, but by the light.
	His black friend is made from newspapers and garbage bags.
	And then he's bought, like, everything is on Amazon here.
	And he bought some black babies to hold on to.
	What the fuck is going on?
	Wait, what's the Q thing?
	Is that the QAnon logo?
	I don't know.
	Is this a joke now?
	I don't know.
	This is the problem with divorced men.
	They're starving.
	They're alone, they're bored, they come up with funny ideas.
	They have too much money, and they just start fucking blowing it on Amazon bullshit.
	I can't tell if this is a parody or not.
	Now I've got to look up the QAnon logo.
	Alright, let's take another call.
	Oh, still working on it.
	Oh, shit.
	Sorry.
	8-7, the Mets are still winning.
	Q-Anon Spade logo.
	QAnon bullet.
	The QAnon bullet is a logo that includes a QAnon logo and a spade.
	Some people have mistakenly called this the Queen of Spades Anon, which is not.
	The spade is supposed to be an ace of spades, referred to as a death card.
	Oh.
	QAnon bullet is worn by someone considered elite in the QAnon movement.
	What the fuck is going on here?
	I don't even...
	I think he's making fun of the left, actually.
	Because he's making himself pregnant.
	What a messy joke.
	Yeah.
	All right, another letter.
	This is a lull in the show, Ryan.
	You're killing the whole momentum.
	Everyone's seen this, right?
	MSNBC anchor bussed driving three hours to meet a little boy for sex.
	Now, we don't know the whole story.
	A lot of the time, these young boys will wear red leather short shorts and look super hot in their outfits.
	And the guy will just...
	This guy's defense.
	Hey, yeah.
	This guy's defense was he was going to meet the boy to tell him to get off of these apps.
	Yeah.
	But he had a six-pack box of condoms in the blue.
	Yes.
	In case he met an adult male on the way there or back.
	Did he cross state lines?
	He did cross state lines, which is okay.
	Just to fuck kids.
	Crossing state lines is only bad if you have a gun.
	But at one point I noticed in this video he goes, why are you harassing gay men?
	Because you want to have sex with a fucking child.
	I hope this works.
	And they're like, it's nothing to do with you being gay.
	And you could tell he immediately goes, yeah, I'm not going to pursue that.
	What's up, man?
	Zach, right?
	What you thought was going to happen?
	You know where the golf stuff's at?
	Let's have a talk before we get the cat logs.
	You know what?
	That's okay.
	Because here's the thing.
	I wasn't looking to meet him.
	Yeah, that's not what the chat log said.
	All right, well, let's have a talk before we get the cops.
	If we leave this, it's going to be a lot worse.
	Come on.
	He's not an MSNBC contributor.
	He's an anchor.
	All right, we want you to preview case.
	All right.
	Listen.
	I'm a poster, man.
	Sick individual.
	If you Google him in all this video.
	You have no fucking purpose to be there.
	Other than to meet the child you've been sexting with.
	I'm going to film you.
	I got you.
	Yeah, but I'm going to film you going to jail.
	I'm going to film you being mean to pedophiles.
	That's going to ruin your career.
	Maybe in about five years it would.
	Yeah.
	Let's figure that out.
	No, no, no.
	Let's chip that out.
	First of all, you guys were on an athlete.
	Hold your kids 18 years and older.
	I thought the kid was 18.
	I wasn't looking.
	You knew he wasn't 18.
	You might be a good talker.
	Not this time.
	I was here to hang.
	I gotta go.
	You don't have to go.
	You got all the time in the world.
	You were gonna go watch movies.
	No, I was not, actually.
	If I was a 12-year-old, I don't want to fuck anyone, including adults, but that's the last adult I want to fuck.
	I want maybe to fuck Farah Fawcett, or at least try to.
	I don't advocate that.
	Sorry.
	Bad jump.
	And he'll get like probation.
	He'll get nothing.
	Yeah.
	He'll be fine.
	We got calls.
	Okay, we're back with the calls.
	B with the C's.
	847, you're on the line.
	Go ahead, call.
	Wow.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	I like your new sunglasses.
	I like your new sunglasses, too.
	Bag.
	So, oh, wait.
	So, you know that her name's Kentagi Jackson Brown, right?
	That attorney?
	The pro pedophile Supreme Court judge?
	Yes.
	Did you know she was the one who oversaw that whole Comet Pizza thing?
	Really?
	Yeah.
	No, I didn't know it.
	What was Case?
	I couldn't hear him.
	Remember Comet Pizza?
	The whole rumor that they had to kill.
	They were fucking kids, and then they said, They're fucking them in the basement.
	Then the defense was there's no basement.
	And you're like, Okay, so I got the room wrong.
	Not really a get out of jail free card.
	The whole thing is very fishy, but uh, she so she oversaw that, and there the guy, some random guy went there, like a independent investigator, citizen, with an AR-15 and fired one round,
	and the round hit the hard drive of their computer.
	And then she was overseeing that case.
	He got four years, I just saw.
	Yeah, he went there to allegedly save the children from the basement.
	His bullet, his one bullet hit the hard drive.
	It must have been a crazy JFK magic bullet to go through.
	Let me tell you something.
	Just because you shot a fucking hard drive does not fucking mean this.
	I've seen people cut hard drives in half and they fucking taped them back together and got the information off them.
	Really?
	Forensic fucking...
	Yeah.
	They can take that story, stick it up their ass.
	That bullet is not stopping them from getting fucking information off the hard drive.
	And then the owner of the place, so I guess basically what I'm saying, do you think there's a little more validity to the whole Pizzagate thing?
	If that's true?
	Because I don't know.
	I'd love to fucking know.
	As a citizen, as someone with kids, I'd really like to know if elites are fucking kids.
	I'd really love it if the fucking media could do their jobs.
	But I have no idea if Pizzagate is bullshit or not.
	I have no idea what's going on with these giant trucks of kids where they're trafficking fucking sex slaves for all we know.
	I have no idea what's going on with MS-13 and El Chapo bringing kids across the border.
	These fake siblings, these fake offspring, these fake kin of illegal aliens that come across the border and they're like, oh, that's my son.
	Oh, really?
	Why doesn't your DNA match up?
	Where the fuck?
	And law enforcement, too.
	Law enforcement is also culpable for this.
	Why don't we know what's going on with these illegal aliens and the kids involved at the border?
	We don't know that because we're totally focused on the meandering, someone being racist, conservatives having a skeleton in their closet where some dude in a wheelchair joke fucked his friend.
	What?
	That's their focus.
	They're not concerned about child rape.
	I am.
	Call me old-fashioned.
	Well, I would say that's because they're in someone's pocket.
	The media is definitely in someone's pocket, and the police's fucking bosses are in someone's pocket as well.
	That's why these things don't get looked into.
	Yeah, well, my other problem is I don't think they're getting paid.
	I think the media is so naive that they're happily doing the bidding of the DNC and acting as a PR firm for zero money or zero anything.
	At least these Soros DAs get money.
	I don't think these retarded journalists you see fighting extremism on the right are getting a sense.
	No, no, no, no.
	No, no, they're just, they're puppets.
	Like, those people are, yeah, they're just running with the wind.
	They're not actually thinking the puppets.
	Dude, your phone connection sounds like you're in a pile of dirty laundry.
	Really?
	It does sound soggy and stinky.
	Are you in an orange?
	Are you James from the Giant Peach fame?
	Thanks for calling.
	What'd you say, Ryan?
	Jane?
	James and the Giant Peach.
	Oh, okay.
	I thought you thought it was Jane and the Giant Peach.
	No.
	You saw that.
	They'll probably do it, though.
	Yeah, well, maybe James is now James.
	It'll be Josiah and the Giant Peach.
	They actually transitioned.
	The Peach is now...
	Oh, good news.
	We've got a question for Tim.
	The Peach is a plum now.
	Tim, is policing a viable career still for guys who actually want to do real cop stuff?
	Awesome.
	I'll answer that.
	Tim had a horrible career.
	His life is miserable.
	And he doesn't want anyone to pursue it, especially canines, because a lot of the dogs are dicks and they're very hard to work with.
	And the bomb shit is very dangerous.
	You can blow your face off.
	So he deeply regrets doing anything with bomb stuff, and he fucking hates dogs.
	Right, Tim?
	Yep.
	No, but seriously, would you want your son to pursue your career?
	I wouldn't.
	But when I came on the job, everybody said, kid, you missed the good old days.
	It's not what it used to be.
	And I don't want to be the same guy.
	It has changed, and it's going to constantly change every 20 years or so.
	So I would say, yeah, it is still a viable career.
	If it's something you want to do and you're interested in.
	The body cameras, I think they're terrible.
	I think they need to go away.
	That kind of scared me away.
	I didn't wear one much because I wasn't on patrol the last almost 10 years of my career.
	But I just think you second guess everything you do when you're worried about somebody looking at you and saying something.
	Not just looking at you.
	Come into your house.
	Remember Derek Chauvin?
	Like, they came to his house.
	They wanted to kill his family.
	Yeah.
	So you see a black dude and he's acting like a lunatic and you're like, if I kill this guy and I'm wrong, my kids are dead.
	I was more worried about stupid shit I would say.
	Because you can't talk to somebody the way the job wants you to.
	Some people don't understand that kind of language.
	You have to talk to them in their language.
	And sometimes it's not safe for work type language.
	And if you're worried about every little word you say and you're worried about getting in trouble, you're going to get yourself hurt or somebody else hurt.
	I don't like it.
	I don't really mind the camera.
	I don't like the audio personally.
	Oh, I see.
	Well, the worst part about the cameras, too, is the two seconds you see.
	Yeah.
	Like you just see a black 13-year-old getting punched in the face by a giant white dude.
	Yeah, remember the case with the, it was an older black cop, and he was down at a Waffle House fighting a kid in a tuxedo that was like a prom night.
	Oh, man.
	You remember that?
	And it was just like, if the cop wins the fight, it looks like he's beating somebody up.
	You know what I mean?
	You can't even win the fight, even though he's trying to place the guy under arrest.
	And he's like, because he's a high school kid, he's fighting a cop.
	He's legally trying to place that guy under arrest.
	You can't fight a cop.
	That's called resisting.
	Yeah.
	But it just looks bad.
	And people just say, oh, my God, he was a high school student.
	And I think the kid was gay.
	But just put your hands behind your back and let him.
	I love the narrative, too, that the cop sees a gay black kid and he's like, well, looky here, boy.
	Well, the cop was black, too, so it wasn't even a racial thing.
	It was just him bullying this, I guess, gay high school kid.
	The kid was, you know, he needed to get locked up.
	How do you feel about liberal cops?
	I don't know a lot of them.
	On my job, there was a few, I can think of one female liberal cop.
	I think she was just a rank and file liberal.
	I think she really believed that she was doing the right thing for the...
	I don't think she thinks conservatives were evil or anything like that.
	I think she just thought that Democrats and she was fighting for the downtrodden and the poor.
	I don't know.
	I don't know a lot of liberal cops.
	I was a New York City cop for a few years.
	Politics didn't really come up in the 90s that much.
	We didn't really discuss.
	So as troopers, you don't see a lot of liberals, but a few females.
	A lot of black cops are liberals.
	I'll send you a write-up, Ryan, of a guy.
	I was looking at his page today on Twitter, and I was just like...
	The only thing I could come up with is spite.
	Like, I don't know.
	He's a cop and everything, but he just hates white people.
	All right, well, that's the only thing that's...
	I think what I'm just trying to say is that they're not leftists.
	They just tend to be a little more liberal because they think they're helping the poor.
	As I said on social media today, sober Scots, straight flight attendants, and liberal cops make me very uncomfortable.
	Look at this guy.
	Joe is your president is his name.
	And he's all pro-Biden tweets he's a cop.
	Joel's.
	No, he's...
	Joe, that's a capital I, Ryan.
	Joe, oh.
	Joe, I'm this.
	I know what you mean, though.
	He should have used the lowercase I. Joe, yeah.
	But isn't that weird?
	I told you about my son's friend.
	My youngest boy's buddy is black and his dad's a cop.
	And I said, oh, you're a cop.
	Great.
	We're in fucking Liberalville.
	I love cops and I love beer.
	Let's grab a beer.
	And he's like, I don't like cops and I don't drink.
	Okay.
	You don't like cops.
	Are you a chicken who loves Colonel Sanders, too?
	We've got 614 James on the line.
	How are we doing for live chats?
	Have we neglected those?
	A little.
	Okay.
	We've got five minutes left.
	You're on the line, sir.
	You might have to say you're on the line.
	You're on the line.
	Hello?
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hey, Gavin.
	Yeah.
	Hey, sorry.
	Yeah, I'm calling from Australia, so hopefully the line's all right.
	What is it?
	11 a.m. there?
	At 12.54 in Sydney.
	So what's tomorrow?
	It's pretty sunny.
	It's just busy at work.
	Is there going to be a world war?
	You're in the future.
	No.
	Lottery numbers?
	No, but isn't the share market getting a massive hit today?
	I think that's the thing that I'm looking at right now.
	The share market?
	Oh, yeah.
	Tell us about the stock market.
	Maybe we can bet against it if you're in the future.
	What's happening to the Dow Jones?
	Should I buy gold?
	It's like $60 billion getting knocked off Wall Street or something like that.
	So everybody's jittery in Australia.
	Okay.
	What can I do for Aussie?
	Mate, it's actually just a question to Ryan.
	So I'm a huge fan of your impressions, mate.
	And it's like a really, really special skill to have.
	And I can see that there are certain impressions that you do where I feel like you could just do it all day.
	Like when you do Jesse and you're talking about ice cream soup and all that kind of stuff, it feels like you could slip into that all day.
	So I just wanted to ask Ryan, what's your favorite impression?
	Which one could you do for like a week straight?
	I also love your West African guy, like the Ikebupu.
	So yeah, just a question to Ryan.
	I think, yeah, Jesse Lee Peterson and Derek from More Plates, More Dates.
	I do that around the house.
	But nobody knows who he is in this circle, so it's hard.
	But yeah, you can fucking do Derek.
	More plates, more dates.
	Fucking all fucking D. He's Canadian.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	In the future, if you have any calls that are complimenting Ryan, we're not taking them.
	That is terrible.
	Isn't that me?
	Why do you eat the poo-poo?
	You eat the poo-poo.
	I heard on In Hot Water on Gina Bisconti's show on Compound Media, they had a guy call in his Elon Musk, but the guy didn't realize that South Africa and Normal Africa is a different accent.
	So he's like, hello, I am Elon Musk.
	I want to talk to you about buying Twitter.
	I guess he's never listened to Elon talk.
	Yeah.
	Elon has a very subtle South African accent that is not eating the poo-poo.
	Why did Anthony spend so much time on that troll caller from the day before?
	I've never seen you check your phone in boredom.
	I think you did during that segment.
	I was trying to find a clip.
	I'm checking my phone on that show.
	I'm trying to find a clip to send to Garrett.
	But yeah, the guy's a fucking loser.
	I don't know.
	Anthony Kumia and Jim Goat are older than me, not by much.
	But when those trolls come on, they get more mad than me.
	And I think it's a generational thing.
	Because I think they're more used to being able to punch someone in the face when someone talks shit.
	And when they can, it's frustrating.
	For Gen X and millennials, we're more like, we've been through the rage of wanting to strangle the person you can't see, but now we're over it.
	So, yeah, I don't waste time on shit like that.
	But I thought it was pretty cool that Anthony got the guy, found him, and saw that he was exactly what he was accusing Anthony of, which is a fucking loser with nothing going on.
	That's always the way it is with these critics.
	Who was that, Opie?
	Oh, shit.
	Shots fired.
	Use your face on social media.
	Use your name.
	Or you're not really on social media.
	Katie's on the line.
	Hello?
	Hello there.
	619.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hey, what's going on?
	Hi, Katie.
	Hi.
	Well, I wanted to talk about how these puberty blockers that they're giving to kids are worse than I think people are really realizing.
	I went to high school with one of these kids that had taken them.
	So, like, the whole trans kid thing got really bad my last two years of high school.
	Luckily, I graduated in 2019, so no more of that bullshit.
	But one of them was a 14-year-old female about to start taking testosterone after going on puberty blockers at age 10 or 11, something like that,
	I believe.
	It's fucking criminal.
	So, yeah, it's the same chemical that they're giving to pedophiles to castrate them, but when you give it to a child, literally what you're doing is completely stopping all normal childhood development,
	including brain development, height, you know, things like that.
	So, like, this kid is like technically 14 or 15, technically the age of like high schoolers, but is, you know, like way under five foot,
	like maybe, maybe five, seven at best, or four, seven, excuse me, at best.
	So, like, and all completely like a 10-year-old in all other aspects, like mannerism, you know, speech patterns, like, it's, it's completely, you're completely stopping the normal development that you go through through puberty,
	like, completely.
	There's nothing else.
	Isn't it also weird how you're preserving the childhood of a potential victim?
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, Michael Jackson didn't want your voice to break.
	He didn't want you to grow pubes.
	He wanted to fuck you when you were still a kid.
	I just don't want to.
	So if you're a pedophile, you don't want young men to go through puberty.
	You want them to stay as little publess kids so you can keep fucking them.
	I can't see why that's not considered.
	What they're doing to people is you're essentially manufacturing a retard.
	Like, it's like it's the type of autism that is where you're developmentally younger than you actually are.
	That's what they're doing to people.
	It's like you're creating it artificially with medication.
	They're permanently infertile after that medication.
	It's chemical castration drugs, and it permanently alters them.
	And you're radical if you have a problem with that.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	We've got to wrap it up here, folks.
	Thank you.
	Kind of a bummer note to go out on.
	But it's a bummer subject.
	Living in bummer towns.
	Don't get it.
	But we might be getting back to a semblance.
	I'll never be back on Twitter.
	A Twitter insider made that very clear to me that no.
	You and Antifa.
	You have to try it.
	Proud Boys and Antifa are out.
	I will.
	But I think the majority of conservatives might get back on, and I'm optimistic about the pendulum swinging back because these fucking loonies have really peeled back the curtain.
	And they really got lazy with it.
	I think they're spoiled.
	They're so used to getting their way that look at those trans teachers on Libs of TikTok where they go, my classroom is like the gayest fucking place on earth.
	Well, you've clearly been winning too long.
	Imagine a fucking white nationalist going, my kindergarten classroom is the most racist place on earth.
	He'd clearly be in the driving seat too long.
	And so I think that the driving seat's about to change.
	The midterms will be a big deal.
	I'm not as alarmed by this abortion leak as everyone else is.
	I kind of think I could argue that it's good.
	But of course, the big question is 2024.
	I mean, the only thing alarming about that is that it actually was leaked.
	I mean, it is the highest court in the country.
	There's Democrats everywhere.
	I mean, it came down to like 60 people had access to that file.
	Chief Justice Roberts says he's calling in the Marshal.
	He's going to do a thorough investigation.
	Ooh.
	We want to blast through these champs.
	We've got about 10.
	Okay, blast them through.
	Funky will hate you.
	God bless.
	We don't have to read the ones that are just five bucks.
	Was there any place where your wife went to detox from her phone in society?
	Mine desperately needs it, P.S. That one has to be.
	It's in like uh Arizona.
	I forget what it's called.
	Well, there's a $100 one.
	Yeah, we read that one already.
	This one wants to be shaved.
	Well, it's a $10 one.
	Mine needs to shave his head totally bald.
	Okay.
	Close up, Christian, you whore.
	Just wait.
	Does that mean someone's gonna rape me?
	Was that a rape threat?
	I don't know.
	Fuck, I don't want to get raped.
	Hey, Grisha.
	She wrote me a letter.
	My ass is about to get fired from Home Depot because I pulled a girl's hair after she was trying to braid mine.
	I felt like she was trying to beta me, so I nipped it in the bud.
	What?
	Bitch started crying like a little bitch and shit.
	Women should not be in the workforce.
	Great show, yeah.
	Sounds like you'd be scared.
	Sounds your hair braided.
	You should be fired, by the way.
	Sounds like you'd be a person.
	Bitch was trying to braid my hair.
	I fucked her up.
	Spot a new Audi, and it's beautiful, but the passenger seatbelt is a little frayed on the edge.
	You're the best mechanic in the Northeast.
	How the fuck am I going to get this thing?
	Just trash it.
	It's garbage.
	Yep.
	Hoffa is grandpa.
	Dave is still brown.
	Proud of your boy.
	I don't know what that means.
	Interesting.
	Hoffa's dead.
	All right, guys.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	Don't blow no trouble.
	That's it.
	Don't blow no trouble.
	There's got to be a bit of wind.
	Don't blow no spikes.

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