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April 22, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:00:55

GOML LIVE #145 - SICK OF WINNING

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Time	Text
	That was the Viagra Boys.
	Ain't no thief.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.
	We're here with Maddie O'Dell, the ex-con from the ex-Biker Club, who was also not a thief.
	No.
	Never stole nothing.
	Dealt drugs, murdered people.
	No, I didn't murder people.
	Put a lot of strangers in a whole lot of hurt, but never stole anything.
	No.
	Didn't you say once that when the cops were investigating a case and it was theft?
	They went, yeah, that's not Matti Odell.
	Yeah.
	Let's drop it.
	That was a home invasion.
	Yeah, that's not.
	That's not really his MO.
	Home invasions are gay.
	What are you going to get?
	Pearls?
	Ooh, some diamonds from her magic jewelry drawer?
	Yeah, maybe 50 years ago.
	People don't have shit anymore.
	You could rob my whole house.
	I'd say, thank you.
	Thank you for emptying our home of my wife's fucking Native American salt and pepper shaker collection.
	Every fucking day there's a new Amazon package.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.
	The first half hour is free to cheap people.
	It's paid for by our sponsors.
	I think we have a new sponsor today.
	A brand Nubian.
	What is it now?
	FOP.
	Let's try it here.
	The FOP company.
	Look up FOPMetals.com.
	P-H-A-U-P.
	FOP, of course, is a derogatory word for an English aristocrat, Ponce.
	But in this case, it's the man's last name, and he's selling silver.
	And selling silver, that was a hard sell, even like five years ago.
	Now, selling precious metals is perfectly reasonable, and everyone's doing it.
	I'm at the point now where I'm pro buying records, cassettes, vinyl, books.
	Buy books.
	Do not throw out books.
	So this is a veteran-owned company.
	And the reason I'm holding this coin in my hand here is to show you that it's not BS and this really exists.
	I've got the silver here.
	Constance is this particular coin.
	One Troy ounce, $999 fine silver.
	I mean, you shouldn't put your entire life savings into precious metals, but wouldn't it make sense to have a little bit here?
	So this is a $31 coin, $30.99.
	Five years ago, it was about $14.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	So me and Uncle Bill used to trade a lot of silver and gold.
	You and Unreliabil.
	Yeah.
	We had a little thing going on with the Chinese.
	Ooh, the Chinese.
	This was five years ago?
	How long are you doing Bill?
	What's this?
	2022?
	13, 7, 9 years?
	Huh.
	So the FOP company, veteran-owned, we're showing the website here.
	It's Lowland Scottish.
	Terrible name, says he.
	But it is his name.
	Speaking of Scottish, we've got the Scottish national team.
	The Scottish national boxing team is in New York right now, wandering around the East Village.
	There you go.
	Let's give them a call.
	These guys have been out kicking the shit out of people in L.A. They're getting ready for the World Championships.
	Sorry, European Championships, I guess.
	Let's make sure they're safe.
	They're fighting on the East Coast?
	Yeah.
	They're going to be sparring tomorrow.
	Hello.
	Here is your airbag man.
	Is everything all right?
	Did you make it to the junkies place down the road?
	We're all good, my man.
	We're in the pub 169 now.
	I says, you're still at 169.
	Is that alright?
	Because that's...
	Oh, this guy for Suther.
	That's Suta.
	I'm going to speak.
	Speak to the security boy.
	That's my friend.
	All right.
	Hear you.
	Hear you.
	You're knowing.
	You're knowing the Lord East Side.
	You're in fucking Chinatown, by the way.
	Hey, listen.
	If you're going to come to this tomorrow, you're going to behave yourself, man.
	Let me tell you something.
	I got Babylon closing in on me.
	Don't try to vex me so.
	Blood clutch.
	Oh, we also have a friend down south of the belt border named Captain Farts.
	Captain Farts?
	He had a good little doot did a loot doot.
	So yeah, that's our new sponsor, veteran-owned.
	That all counts as one big ad, by the way.
	Right?
	That's all part of their read.
	I guess we have a promo code Gavin.
	5% off with promo code.
	That must be promo code Gavin.
	Veteran-owned business.
	Gird your loins.
	You know, I got an interesting letter just to jump ahead here.
	We're going to get to the mailbag.
	But someone said, because we were talking about the meek shall inherit the earth on the compound censored show.
	And they said, I know it sounds like the wimps will run everything soon, but meek in that context in Hebrew, the original Old Testament, means a sheathed sword.
	So it kind of means us.
	It kind of means patriarchs.
	It kind of means guys like me and Maddie, and maybe 1% Ryan will be the ones who inherit the earth.
	The powerful who hold it back and don't go ballistic like these psychotic libs.
	Which totally changes the general interpretation of the expression because the general interpretation of the expression is the sad nerd in the corner will be the one who takes over when we all kill each other.
	Yeah.
	But it's not saying that.
	I did not know the translation of meek from the Old Testament.
	Well, some say the translation of virgin in the Quran with the 72 virgins is prunes.
	Prunes.
	What's that?
	Say that again?
	I'm not blowing myself up for prunes.
	And to be totally fair, I'm not blowing myself up for virgins.
	I fucked virgins when I was in high school.
	It sucks.
	I want a Puerto Rican divorced mom with long tits and bad tattoos and bunions.
	Bunions.
	Yeah.
	Give me 92 Cardi B's.
	We can talk.
	That would be a fest.
	Imagine that?
	Holy shit.
	So yeah, Viagra Boys, that's our new hit.
	Ain't No Thief.
	They got a new album out July 8th.
	I want to get a little bit serious here for a second, and folks who are just listening to the audio will have to miss out on this.
	But I saw something today that someone sent me about someone who works here.
	And I want to say that what you're about to see does not represent censored TV.
	It's certainly not who I am.
	It's definitely not who Maddie is.
	We regret that this happened.
	We don't support it.
	And we are definitely investigating.
	We want to find out what happened, why Ryan did this, what his beef is with slugs.
	And I want everyone to know that I had no idea this was going on.
	And I'm going to make sure as hell you never see anything like this again.
	Ryan, do you want to say that...
	So this is Ryan Catsu Rivera throwing salt on a giant container of Wriggly slugs.
	I mean, killing them.
	Do you want to explain what you were doing there?
	No.
	This is fucking bullshit that my personal shit is aired on this fucking show.
	Stupid.
	Well, it was sent to me, so you're hurting our brand.
	If you want to go murder...
	Are those slugs or snails?
	They're slugs.
	If you want to murder slugs, you do that on your own time.
	I literally did it on my own time.
	I don't know how that footage surfaced.
	I'm not okay with it.
	It's being shown.
	Show it again.
	No.
	Yes, show it again.
	I want everyone to see this.
	That's my personal career.
	It's your personal down.
	You're going to make me show myself.
	You damage our brand.
	I'm sitting here trying to be politically correct every day, trying to get vegans on board, and you're fucking murdering little tiny black snakes.
	That's my food.
	That's what me and my family eat.
	It's not fodder for your show.
	It's fooder from my family.
	Oh, you were preparing a meal?
	Yes.
	Why else would they be in a pot?
	Hmm.
	I think I read about a guy who ate a slug on his salt.
	Who sent this in?
	And he died of some weird fungi.
	No, that's if you don't cook them right.
	Otherwise, they're just a delicious treat.
	There's Ryan.
	They'll escape if you don't put the...
	Why are you making that face when you put the salt on?
	I'm excited.
	You seem worried, though, that it's going to splash.
	You know that moment, like, when you're done making a sandwich and you press it down?
	Yeah.
	You can't wait?
	This is me pressing a sandwich down after I'm done the sandwich.
	Okay.
	And this is the equivalent of me pushing the sandwich down.
	You were like...
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And when I saw this, I thought, maybe he should touch up his bangs and shit.
	Because when it just hangs down there, it looks really bad.
	Also in the news, my Mets bet is fucking on fire.
	Oh, I. I'm kicking ass and taking names.
	I'm at 625.
	The New York Mets are the number two team in the galaxy.
	10-4.
	I would argue number one, because number one is the Dodgers with 9-3.
	Isn't 10-4 better than 9-3?
	You've fought more fights.
	I don't know.
	Seems like you should be higher up.
	So that's fantastic news.
	Thank you.
	You're welcome for that.
	Also, I want to issue a t-shirt challenge to the viewers.
	Remember, we were talking about this in Shanghai.
	It said there were drones that said, and I want to get this perfect.
	Maybe you can look this up.
	Control your soul's need for freedom.
	Is that correct, Ryan?
	That sounds about right.
	So I was working on a shirt today.
	Your soul's desire for freedom, I think.
	Yeah, that sounds right.
	Control your soul's desire for freedom.
	So I was working on a shirt today that says it in Chinese.
	We're going to sell these shirts.
	That's awesome.
	It'll just have that Chinese print.
	And I talked to the guy at the t-shirt place, and I said, what's the biggest print you can do?
	He goes, you can go fucking big.
	I think it's...
	Let me look it up actually because that'll be part of the parameters.
	So fill this shirt as big as you can.
	I should probably have prepared graphics for this challenge.
	You know?
	Where the fuck is he?
	Sorry, this isn't very good TV.
	But anyway.
	We'll listen to Chinese in the meantime.
	I want to make a shirt that says that.
	Just in Chinese.
	No other things.
	No logos.
	No hammer and a sickle.
	No stars.
	No nothing.
	Just.
	What is it now?
	Control your soul's desire for Freedom that's pretty dark.
	Yeah, control your soul's desire for freedom.
	Now, don't go sending us shit that says in Chinese, I like to eat out my mom.
	We're obviously going to double-check it.
	Don't waste your time with pranks.
	But let's go for like this big, right?
	So that's like 11 inches, 11 inches by 11 inches.
	A square.
	A square shirt, just text.
	So make the text kooky.
	I don't know if we want to go crazy.
	I don't know.
	All I know is the shirt I worked on for like an hour looks like shit.
	I was not impressed with Gav's graphic design skills.
	I'm happy with this Biden shirt we made that I designed.
	But yeah, not super impressed.
	But are we positive that's exactly what it says, Ryan?
	Right, because is it?
	Is it not your soul, like S-O-U-L?
	Your soul's desire, or is it your soul desire?
	No, it was your soul's.
	I wouldn't be making a t-shirt if it was your soul desire.
	For freedom.
	This is, my favorite thing about this quote is that we have, what are you doing?
	Showing the text here.
	Look, just look up Control Your Soul's Desire for Freedom.
	Yeah, it's right there on the top.
	And you'll have...
	Where in the top where?
	Yeah, there it is.
	Control Your Soul's Desire for Freedom.
	You don't need a period if it's in.
	Again, no English.
	Just make it pure Chinese.
	You see them fishing for food?
	Holy shit.
	They're toy fish?
	With a drone.
	They're drone fishing.
	Watch the shot.
	The world is changing very fast.
	Holy shit.
	That poor fish is like, what the fuck is going on?
	I'm a bird now?
	What happened?
	Did I die?
	I'm Americans in Shanghai.
	Shanghai sucks.
	Shit.
	You know, I went to Shanghai with David Cross for vice.
	And like all of China, it's disgusting.
	Taiwan and China are both the same.
	One is communist, one's capitalist.
	They're both disgusting, filthy.
	You ride your bike around, you check your hands, you wash them.
	Everything is soot.
	I don't think they have catalytic inverters.
	They have fucking ducks hanging outside on their balcony.
	It's weird because the economy in Taiwan is the same as here.
	But you go to someone's house and it's like there's storage containers in their living room and tile floors everywhere because it's easy to clean.
	They're like lizard people.
	They're like robots.
	Fucking lame.
	Although there's no crime.
	So if you want a bike, just pick one up and steal it.
	There's no locks.
	When I lived there, every bike was my bike.
	But Shanghai is just as disgusting as everywhere else in China.
	But it was built overnight.
	So they needed a skyline.
	They needed skyscrapers.
	So they got a bunch of kids out of architecture school and said, build me the kookiest building you got.
	I want our skyline to look really cool.
	So their skyline is just a high school architect project.
	Look up Shanghai Skyline.
	It's probably fucking 20 years old at the most.
	And it's just this random hodgepodge of, you know, Lego.
	Basically a joke.
	It's what a kid would do if he had spare time.
	Look at these dumb buildings.
	They're just made up fake buildings.
	It looks like SimCity.
	Yeah.
	It's made by nerds.
	It looks like Las Vegas, like a fake, like the way fake New York looks like.
	Yeah, if you had to make a city in an hour, that's what it would look like.
	No culture, no love.
	People shitting on the floor, leaving big turds everywhere, putting a hot turtle in a pile of boiling water.
	Is that a real image or is that CGI?
	You can't even tell.
	It is CGI.
	It is.
	Shanghai is CGI.
	You're going to write that down for title of the episode.
	Isn't it amazing how fast this first half hour goes for these freeloaders?
	Damn.
	Speaking of freeloaders, BeardVet is also paying for you assholes to not subscribe.
	All you have to do is to go to censored.tv, pay $10 a month, and you have way more TV than you could possibly watch.
	I give you personally a show every day.
	But then there's, we've got the Laurel Loomer with the Candace Owens, with the Milo.
	We've got the fucking Cornell West, and we have Josh LaCash.
	We've got Jim Gold every Sunday.
	It's difficult to remember all of the shows we have, and everyone gets pissed when I forget them.
	SOF.
	The archives alone are incredible.
	And we go through all my other old shows from other networks.
	I'm currently compiling everything I own onto this site.
	So all this shit, all the sketches I had on YouTube.
	And of course, Maddie's shitty little kitchen.
	There we go.
	By the way, Maddie, someone sent in a letter today.
	They said, please make fries.
	Fries.
	And I just had that same thought.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I spoke to you earlier.
	100%.
	People think it's easy.
	It's not.
	No.
	You cut them the night before.
	Wedges.
	You soak them in water to, what's that?
	You get the starch out?
	Yeah, you do the same thing when you make home fries and stuff like that.
	Like, you cut them into home fries, you would do the size of a dice, cubes, and you soak them overnight.
	And that gets the starch out?
	Yeah, it's often the mutton stuff, I believe.
	I'm not sure, like, 100% with the technical terms.
	And then what do you do?
	You blanch them?
	The fries, you would then take that.
	You would just deep fry them.
	But you do it twice, sir.
	Maybe you shouldn't be doing fries.
	You sound like an amateur.
	No.
	You make some fries.
	You love them.
	No, you get them, you soak them overnight, then you blanch them and you cook them for a little bit, then you take them out, and then when they're finally ready to eat, you cook them for like five seconds.
	Yeah, deep fry them.
	Yeah, but twice.
	Once you have to do the dirty work.
	What's blanching?
	Hot water, and then you throw it in the ice.
	Yes, yeah, yeah.
	That's how we used to do it at the old what the fuck.
	What would you do?
	You soaked it.
	When you blanch something, like you blanch like vegetables or leaves or stuff like that.
	You would take it, put it in boiling water, then take it out and put it in an ice bath.
	Yep.
	What does that do?
	It drops the temperature, stops it from further cooking.
	Ah.
	Oh, I see.
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	He's a good egg.
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	100% of our products are vet-owned and vet-run.
	I don't know about Johnny Apple's CBD, actually, but Tactical Walls, Beard Vet, it goes on and on.
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	Beardvet.com.
	Promo code Gavin for 15% off.
	Caller one and two are getting a free pack from Sean and the Beard Vet team tonight.
	Thank you, Beard Vet.
	And again, you got to buy coffee.
	You're buying coffee.
	Why not buy it from one of us?
	One of our people.
	And Beard Vet is one of our people.
	All right, let's get to what's really going on here.
	The most important thing in the world is, of course, the Johnny Depp divorce hearings.
	Is that what this is?
	What is the name of this particular rumble in the jungle?
	Is it a divorce hearings or is it a criminal case?
	I don't know.
	We just know they're in court fighting.
	We don't know why.
	I'm, of course, very close with Amber Heard.
	I played her in a movie where I was her boyfriend.
	No, I didn't play her in a movie.
	I played her boyfriend in a movie.
	Look that up, Brian.
	Gavin McInnis Amber Heard, 69ing.
	My recollection of working with her was that she's an idiot, a very pretty moron.
	And I didn't know who she was when we were shooting.
	She just started dating Johnny Depp like that week.
	And there was paparazzi everywhere coming out of awnings and stuff.
	And I was like, who the fuck are they?
	What the fuck?
	And she goes, oh, that's because of me, probably, because I'm kind of a movie star.
	I was like, really?
	You're a movie star?
	I never heard of you.
	I didn't say I hadn't heard of you before, but I didn't.
	Yeah, that's it.
	One more time.
	The hit movie with me and Amber Heard.
	Christopher Watkin was in it, too.
	She was a rock star, and I owned a recording studio, and we used to shtup, but we had moved on.
	So I probably should have fucked her, you know, on my off time to make the role more believable.
	But I don't think she was very enthusiastic about that level of immersionism.
	But anyway, they were shooting pictures of her.
	If you look up me and her on images, you can see our scenes together.
	I wonder if you could pull that movie and find where.
	I'm trying to find, yeah, the actual.
	I've never seen it.
	No kidding.
	Acting is gay.
	I got real bored of that shit.
	You sit around for 14 hours to work for half an hour, and then what makes it to the screen is 30 seconds to a minute.
	No, thank you.
	And the money sucks shit, too.
	I was going to ask Christopher Walken.
	I was going to ask if you remember what scene, but you've never seen the movie.
	Yeah, if you find a recording studio, I guess.
	She's a singer.
	It looks really boring, doesn't it?
	Really pretentious.
	The problem with a lot of movies, too, is the writers are these LA nerds, Jewish kids who just went to film school and never lived.
	So they're writing about relationships and love and heartache and violence and danger.
	And you're like, you might as well be from outer space.
	Like the guy who wrote Saturday Night Fever, a Jewish dude, he'd never been to the Bronx.
	He'd never been to New York.
	Just Brooklyn?
	He was just like, no, nothing.
	He was an LA kid.
	And he was like, I'd imagine this is how these fucking WAPs act.
	Hey, don't touch the hair.
	Hey, what are you doing?
	Anyway.
	Did I just see Tim Heidegger while clicking through?
	I don't know.
	He played me in a movie.
	So you're in a movie with Christopher Walken.
	Yes.
	You can say that.
	He's a peer of mine.
	We're both actors.
	Hi, Chris.
	Who are you?
	I can't do Christopher Walken.
	Would it be at the end?
	I mean, because I'm all the way at the end, almost.
	I don't fucking know, dude.
	Well, let's see.
	You want to see the credits?
	No?
	Okay.
	Look us up in images.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, sorry.
	A way to gavify this story that has absolutely nothing to do with me.
	And our scene is like one minute, so I just wasted your time.
	But the hearings are going on, and it's becoming evident that she has literally shit the bed.
	Oof.
	That's pretty bad.
	Have you ever shat your bed, Maddie?
	No.
	Never.
	Not even a little drop of, you know, when you're really in a bender and you have that fluorescent bile, that yellow.
	No, I've never, I don't think I've shit.
	Yellow shit the bed.
	No.
	That sort of, you know that stuff?
	Well, that would be feces.
	No, but when you shit in the toilet and you go, oh, I got to go, and then just a teaspoon of yellow bubbles comes out and you're like, ever heard of poo, asshole?
	I can't say that I have.
	Yeah, so she's been exposed as shitting the bed, which obviously that doesn't mean that she regularly shits the bed.
	What it means is they were going on fucking insane benders.
	And I have a theory about this.
	Hunter S. Thompson loved his drugs and loved his booze.
	But here's where it gets controversial: not more than us when we were really partying.
	But because he's an auteur, he would totally fucking exaggerate his intake.
	Or he would take his craziest day and pretend it was his rigmarole.
	And so Johnny Depp is an idiot.
	Everyone who's an actor is a moron.
	That's how they can sit around for 14 hours and generate one minute of content.
	We have the opposite here.
	We sit around for two hours and we generate 14 hours of content.
	So he met Hunter Thompson.
	He played him in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and he became consumed.
	He's like a, Johnny Depp is an empty vessel.
	And when he meets people, he just becomes them.
	So he met Hunter Thompson and he was like, I'm going to become Hunter Thompson.
	Even when he's with Shane McGowan, he gets this sort of slurry Irish accent.
	It's fucking embarrassing, dude.
	So if you go to, well, first of all, let's see, let's start with 1-3, where he's in the courtroom with Amber.
	I hate that I don't see the URLs, but...
	Because you lost memory last night of kicking me out the door with the fucker hitting me.
	Again, and your memory is gone from you kicking the bathroom door and hitting me in the skull that I was bent down.
	Hitting me in the skull?
	If you have those memory fucking, you know, divots.
	I was upset.
	There was a lot going on and I was on an ambient.
	Like, why are you obsessing over the fact that I can't remember?
	I was on an ambient.
	Because I'm recording you because I don't want you to sue me later.
	Here's the moral of the story, guys.
	Record everything.
	I don't care if you're in the most bucolic marriage in history.
	If your wife or your girlfriend is acting like a fucking lunatic, get it on tape.
	Alex Jones told me that many years ago.
	Write it down.
	Documentation.
	Because no matter how good you are, something could fuck up really bad.
	And you better have proof that you're not a fucking psycho.
	Is this us?
	That's not me.
	Somebody told me you're...
	It's like a minute 35.
	Okay, they don't know what you look like, or maybe I'm wrong.
	Oh, there you go.
	There we go.
	He's right.
	Holy shit, she is alive.
	We can stop calling the hospitals and the morgues now.
	Sorry.
	Let's do it again.
	Good.
	Smooth chance, 96.3 the way.
	Next, Q103.
	What's that?
	Christian Rock.
	This one goes Q103, the rock.
	You punch rock, and then you do la D D D on salvation.
	Go.
	Q103, the rock of salvation.
	That would give Jesus a boner.
	So you wrote your own line.
	I did that line, yeah.
	That literally is just.
	Wait, keep going.
	I'm enjoying this.
	This is my favorite subject.
	Me.
	We'll watch the movie then.
	Are you in this scene?
	Yeah, I think we're walking down the street.
	Unless they cut it.
	Walking down the street, fucking.
	Ah, fuck, they cut it.
	Maybe the whole conversation on the Strazites.
	Damn.
	Look up Gavin McInnis Amber Heard.
	I looked at the Gloomage.
	Not us walking down the street.
	No, no.
	Maybe it's been deleted from the internet.
	Anyway, let's get back to their trial.
	Now that you know that we're friends.
	It's not to get you mad.
	It's just to get out of a bad situation while it's happening.
	You know what's funny too?
	I've seen tons of footage of him too.
	They're both secretly recording each other during this entire shit marriage.
	And here's what happened.
	Johnny Depp married a beautiful French woman, I forget her name, Vanessa Paradise.
	She became not young anymore, which happens.
	I'm not sure if you're familiar with how time works, but she became imperfect.
	Still very attractive, but sorry, 45, 50, whatever.
	And so he went, ew, gross, like in husbands and wives when Judy Davis says, men, they love you till you show your age.
	Then they want to trade you in for a younger model.
	That is true of celebrities, not the rest of us, but sure, celebrities do that.
	I guess because they can.
	I didn't break up with her because of her looks.
	We had irreconcilable differences, and we didn't see the world together in the same sort of divot.
	She's the mother of your children.
	And did Amber Heard, did she provide you with some sort of view of the world that you shared?
	She's a child, a retarded child.
	I met her.
	I was in a movie with her.
	She's an imbecile.
	Well, that's actually kind of what got me into it in the first place.
	I said, you know, she's in a movie with one of my favorite people, Gavin McInnes.
	Thank you.
	That's what got me into it.
	We're both hunks, I guess, because of the hunk community.
	That's right.
	You know, meetings at Disney, I would always ask them, I said, you should get this great guy, Gavin McInnes.
	He's always drunk, too, so it's like he's method acting.
	So he dumped his chick in France because she got old.
	And he fucked Amber Heard, just like Nicholas Cage with his weird little Japanese children that he fucks.
	Sorry, lawyers, I mean like young Japanese adult women.
	And then you come, maybe more than once, right?
	Maybe you fuck them for three days.
	Like five days or something.
	Maybe they bring home a chick, too, and you're like, this is me.
	I'm good.
	Vanessa Paradise never wanted to fuck.
	But then three days go by, you miss your kids and you're like, what the fuck have I done?
	Big mistake, yeah.
	So then you go, well, I recall Hunter Thompson talking about his regimen, and we have it here.
	It's 1-7.
	Hunter Thompson claims that his regimen was wake up at 3.
	Dunhills are cigarettes, right?
	Yep.
	Chivus Regal, Chivus Regal, whatever that is.
	It's probably like a brandy or something.
	I'm not familiar.
	Yeah, I think it's kind of like a cognac, maybe.
	Okay, so you had a tiny shot, like in the littlest little shot glass.
	345 cocaine.
	Now, when he says cocaine, it could be a bump.
	Possibly.
	Another glass of Chivas.
	I don't believe you.
	Coffee, 415 cocaine, orange juice, cocaine, cocaine, cocaine, cocaine.
	These could all be bumps.
	This could all be little toots magoots.
	Which is just like holidays in Costa Rica.
	Margarita.
	Holiday in Costa Rica.
	Cocaine, 545.
	Grass to edge the day.
	Woody Creek Tavern for lunch.
	Heineken, two margaritas.
	Coleslaw, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	Carrot.
	Have you pulled this up yet?
	Yeah.
	Nine starts snorting cocaine seriously.
	Now that could just be going from bumps to lines.
	And they could still be small lines.
	Drops acid at 10.
	I'm willing to accept this happened once.
	Maybe twice.
	This is not your daily routine, dude.
	You do not do cocaine and booze all day and then hit the acid at 10 p.m.
	10 p.m. or 10 p.m.
	Like clockwork.
	10 p.m.
	This whole thing starts at 3 p.m.
	Oh.
	Chartreuse, cocaine grass, cocaine, midnight.
	Hunter Thompson is ready to write bullshit.
	I don't know if you ever typed after like five beers.
	It's impossible.
	12 to 6 a.m.
	I've always said that cops, if they want to catch a writer on the highway, don't do a breathalyzer.
	Just give him a typewriter.
	I've done it a million times.
	You're like, boop, bop, beep, bop, boop.
	It sucks.
	It's impossible.
	So no.
	He does not start writing at midnight after fucking nine hours of getting wasted.
	But this was a well-publicized little fucking recipe that Hunter Thompson put out.
	And a lot of guys, especially morons, went, that's fucking cool.
	That's basically me, man.
	I'm going to start doing that.
	He's a genius in many ways.
	It's very funny.
	He had Fettuccine Alfredo, which is the one thing I couldn't get down with, lactose intolerant.
	So Johnny Depp there, who we just spoke to, started doing that.
	He would wake up and have four lines.
	Dude, you wake up and do four fucking lines.
	I don't care if it's 2022 Coke, 1970s Coke.
	That's a trajectory that is going to go lots of booze, lots and lots of booze to help you get down, and it's going to burn out in the next few hours.
	That's what the Shivas Regal is for.
	When you have the Shivas Regal, it balances out the kind of.
	And I've heard even crazier things where he talks about, like you read Fear and Loneliness in Las Vegas, and he's like doing 10 Xanax and four Percocet, and you're like, no, you're not.
	You're lying.
	You're taking a relatively kooky weekend.
	You're making it your every day.
	And you're multiplying everything by about four.
	That's my point.
	But Johnny Depp didn't catch that.
	He was just like, I got to bring up my tolerance.
	So go back to the first one.
	We got that.
	Did we finish that?
	We did not.
	Okay.
	It's 11 minutes, but we're not doing this.
	I wish we had her shitting to bed.
	Oh, I have a clip of it.
	Oh, good.
	I'll find that.
	This is the savage moments that I didn't court.
	Let me ask you a different question, Mr. Depp.
	Let's let him object to another one.
	Conversation with Ms. Hurt.
	Let's move beyond the conversation in that chilly.
	All right, that's annoying.
	Yeah, that is fucking.
	This is him talking about the shit on the bed.
	Oh, there we go.
	Money shot.
	It's the perfect time.
	She's not going to be home for two days.
	And then he showed me a photograph on his telephone of objection, Your Honor.
	That's what you're saying.
	It's a photograph, Your Honor.
	As being relayed to him by Mr. Bett.
	He says he looked at it on his phone.
	I'll rule the objection as the photograph.
	What was the photograph of, Mr. Depp?
	Shit.
	Dookie.
	It was a.
	A splash of feces.
	It was a photograph of the bed, our bed.
	And on my side of the bed was human fecal matter.
	I was wondering what words he was going to use.
	Yeah, I was trying to figure out how he was going to describe it.
	I understood why it wasn't a good time to go down there.
	I was close to seeing number two.
	So I thought it was she shit the bed because she was so wasted, but she purposely defecated on his side as a fuck you.
	I'll show you, motherfucker.
	Yeah, she like an animal would shit, you know, to mark their territory.
	She shit on the bed to say, you know, this is mine.
	You know, I thought I'd been sleeping with a piece of shit this whole time, so I wasn't really too shocked.
	Have you ever shit the bed, Ryan?
	I've never shit the bed, no.
	I have.
	Oh my god, I have.
	When I was a kid.
	I was a kid, but it was a full turd, and I had my underwear on.
	All the questions are for adults.
	Understood.
	Did you ever piss your diaper?
	Did you ever barf all over your onesie?
	I woke up with my underwear on, but the turd was outside of my underwear, so it's almost like somebody had planted it there.
	And what age is this?
	It was like six or seven years old.
	It's not part of this show.
	Well, it's too old to shit a bed, really.
	No, it's not really that nuts.
	I think it was friend.
	Okay.
	I shat the bed in Jamaica recently.
	Maybe like two years ago.
	I think it's the only time I shit the bed.
	But I thought I had a fart, and then I looked down, and we've been parting very hard.
	And there was that little yellow neon plasma.
	It's hard to get out.
	It's like butt bile.
	Yeah, it's like someone broke a fluorescent marker.
	At least it's not.
	Somebody highlighted this part of the bed.
	It must be really important.
	All right, that's enough of the freeloaders.
	We're going to get to the letters page.
	We're going to start taking calls.
	We're going to put up the live chat.
	We have so many different venues to speak to our people on the Thursday Night Live shows.
	We've got the letters page, which I went through all day and I'm only reading the cream of the crop.
	We have the calls that come in, 718 something, something.
	We have the live stream where people pay money, $5 to $100.
	$100 is definitely getting read.
	Some of them just go on the screen.
	And 100% of that money goes to Max and John, our buddies in prison, for fighting Antifa for 17 seconds, four years for that.
	So we want them to have a nice nest egg when they get out.
	And then there's also the various rocket chats on the site, censored.tv.
	That's right.
	Look at that.
	Four different ways.
	That you can interact.
	To interact.
	With the family, because we're like a family here together on censored.tv.
	And one little minor rule, guys.
	When you call, you get one thing, okay?
	Not, while I have you on the line.
	No.
	You know why?
	Because through trial and error, we have learned that the second thing always sucks.
	It's always like, blah, blah, blah.
	Do you guys think that we'll go to war with Russia?
	What would happen if we did?
	We discussed that.
	And then, wait, one last thing.
	Has Maddie ever had a mohawk?
	What?
	Shut the fuck up.
	Goodbye.
	Have you?
	Yeah, in like ninth grade.
	Okay.
	Dr. Knockers, that's your shirt?
	You just went into fucking Google Translate and that's not even the saying.
	It's much longer than that.
	Copy and paste it and see.
	Wow.
	Thanks for helping out, guys.
	Anyway, so please go to censor.tv.
	$10 a month.
	That's like two beers a month, depending where you live, depending how the economy is with you.
	And you get more entertainment than you could possibly handle, and you'll never watch anything else.
	We cover everything that those other people cover.
	We're going to talk about the guy who was terrorizing Mike Tyson and got his ass kicked.
	So it's not like you miss anything.
	You don't need any other site but censored.tv.
	And we talk to you the way we talk to our friends at the bar, which is brutally honest.
	Oh, is that what he did?
	He did a trick?
	So yeah, until we see you again, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Subscribers, stay tuned.
	We just happen to have the same stuff.
	Holy shit.
	I updated the letters page right before the show.
	And now there's a million ones.
	This is called You and Amber.
	And it says, here's the pic Asian Gavin McInnes can't find.
	Why couldn't you find this picture?
	I don't know.
	I was looking all over for it on Google.
	Well, whatever search engine you're using, stop.
	There we are.
	Fucking and sucking like we used to do.
	Looks like Ever Levine or something like that.
	Here's the poop.
	The poop pick.
	Wow.
	That's a dark turret.
	Amber Heard pooped on Johnny Depp's bed and then blamed it on their tiny Yorkies.
	This is no tiny dog poop.
	Amber Heard is disgusting.
	Yeah, that's probably a bit thick for...
	The problem with this, though, is, and I would bring this up if I was her lawyer, women don't shit.
	Good point.
	They have bubblegum that comes out of their ass once a month.
	That does not look like bubblegum.
	Right.
	So that's the end of that fucking objection.
	Yeah, that's, you know what else that does, too?
	It's like a psychological thing, too, because if she did that, then you're like afraid to use your toothbrush.
	You're afraid to leave the house.
	You don't know what the fuck else is going on.
	Yeah.
	Well, especially you.
	You're weird with all your little germs and stuff.
	I don't care.
	I've had people spitting in my food so long that when they don't spit in it at restaurants, it tastes dry.
	Anyway, let's start the mailbag.
	Okay.
	Why guy?
	Yeah, we can absolutely do that.
	We're going to start what they call the mailbag.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	Hey, Maddie, what's the difference between a regular club member and a nomad within the club?
	Is that a sought-after position?
	What are the perks?
	It's nothing.
	No difference.
	What does that mean?
	So there's Hell's Angels Nomads and there's Hell's Angels members?
	Well, they're all members.
	They're just.
	Well, what about the prospects?
	They're not members, are they?
	No, prospects aren't.
	Okay.
	A nomad just means that they have a wider area, like, geographically.
	Oh, I see.
	Were you a nomad?
	No.
	But you were up in Boston all the time?
	Did you have a Boston patch on your jacket?
	Yeah, I had a Boston side rocker.
	That's a gift from people from Boston.
	You seem very guarded when we discuss this subject.
	No, a Nomad is just the original Nomad Charter was in California.
	Okay, you're not on trial?
	No, no, but people think that's like a big, like, ooh, it has absolutely no difference.
	So what is, like, guys with Nomad on their jackets just mean they go to a lot of different clubs?
	No, like, their quote-unquote home territory is just a larger area.
	Okay.
	No need to be nervous.
	I'm just annoying questions, huh?
	You know, there's no, like, ones higher or lower.
	Okay, okay.
	Within that organization.
	Okay, okay.
	You don't have to be upset.
	There's no Mad here.
	This is from Commander Davenport.
	New Maddie's Little Kitchen logo backsplash.
	Okay.
	That's beautiful.
	We should make that the Ryan.
	Incorporate that into the graphics, please.
	Gotcha.
	And pull it up on the fucking screen at some point, you loser.
	I have loading issues.
	There we go.
	Okay.
	Just put Maddie into the search bar.
	I got it.
	I don't know why I have to coach you through your job.
	1-1,000, 200.
	Okay.
	Isn't that nice?
	That's beautiful.
	That's brilliant.
	That's brilliant.
	So is.
	Fucking hey.
	That's pure.
	That's brilliant, son.
	Moving right along.
	Hey, Gav Rygai and Maddie, can Maddie please do a clam boil?
	It's a staple in my repertoire, and I would love to see his take on this New England favorite.
	What the fuck is a clam boil?
	We'll take care of it.
	We'll throw it up on him.
	It'll go into the rotation.
	What is it?
	How do you do it?
	Give us a teaser.
	Well, I've never made one myself personally, but I will.
	So you're going to look at it?
	I mean, there's like shrimp boils, seafood boils.
	I mean, it's seafood.
	I mean, that one's just all clams.
	I mean, it depends what kind of clams.
	There's all different kinds.
	Lileneck, cherry, stone.
	Well, you know what the blacks do?
	They boil everything in sunny D. Sunny Delight.
	Yep.
	And then add tons and tons of spice.
	The sugar in the sunny D cuts the spice.
	Tony saturate.
	And then they make it into a big, like, fucking jambalaya.
	You know what I'm talking about, Ryan?
	I've never seen that black clam crap.
	I've heard of paella.
	Look up sunny D. Sunny Delight is recipe.
	Oh, my God.
	It's like syrup.
	Sunny D, potatoes, more spices than you can shake a stick at.
	Shrimp.
	I think there's...
	Oh, sausages are in there.
	And they made what they call a pile of fucking food.
	What the fuck are you doing, Ryan?
	Sunny D food recipe.
	In images?
	Yes.
	Look up video.
	Sunny D cookout shrimp.
	I don't know.
	The guy shows us pictures of sunny D. Thanks.
	I always wondered what that looks like.
	Yeah, when I was young, you know, growing up here on the water, we used to do a, I used to go claim it for like pissed clams and little eggs and stuff like that.
	We used to boil them up.
	Okay.
	Lots of butter, lemon.
	In new Rochelle, you guys would look up, you'd get clams from the water.
	Pissed clams, it looks like a little dick sticking out, and you would see them because they would squirt, I guess, water or whatever, and then you would see the little hole in the sand, like the wet sand, and you'd dig them up.
	And the other ones, you'd go with your feet.
	You'd walk in the water, and you'd feel them with your feet, and you'd grab them, pick them up, put them in your bucket.
	What age?
	8 to 12.
	Oh, cool.
	Yeah, that's what I was talking about.
	That's not orange juice.
	By any stretch of the imagination.
	Yeah, there's no oranges there, my friend.
	What is that big thing?
	A boiling machine?
	Some kind of just a vessel.
	All right, get that orange juice boiling.
	There we go.
	Nice hot orange juice.
	Lemon juice.
	I'm surprised they didn't put any water in there to cut that shit.
	That's got to be so thick with sugar.
	Well, the thing about it is, what they cook is in that top part, right?
	No, no, Ryan, don't skip ahead.
	This is fascinating.
	You know that whites have always been fascinated by blacks?
	This is why we have blackface.
	This is why we have so much of American culture dominated by only 14% of the population.
	We've always found them fascinating.
	I'm not saying that's good or bad.
	It's a thing that no one wants to acknowledge, though.
	And some say that blackface...
	See, look, they put the grid down now, so none of that's going to get stuck in the sunny D. Oh, the sunny D goes through it.
	It's just when you lift it out.
	Right, right, right.
	But some, like, the given is blackface is, haha, Negroes are dumb.
	And that definitely exists, but it's a fraction of blackface.
	A lot of blackface was, these people are fascinating.
	We're boring Puritans who don't cheat on our wives or do anything kooky.
	So when they did plays and shows, they would mimic blacks because they had more color.
	And this is pretty colorful.
	That squirrel trying to play baos, hatty.
	You know what the recipe for this is?
	Everything.
	Go to a grocery store.
	Fill up your shopping cart with their inventory and then boil it with Sonny D. I hate shrimp.
	You're eating bugs.
	It's the cockroaches of the sea.
	I hate all seafood.
	Although, as far as things go, like seafood, that does look pretty good.
	Turn it up the phone.
	I'm telling you, man, it's platinum.
	Smell with your eyes right now, bro.
	Smell with your eyes.
	Now, look, after about three minutes ball time, and I'm going to let him smoke about 20 minutes after that, and it's going to suck up all that flavor.
	And then after that.
	I mean, look at him.
	He's pimping.
	Don't forget to add that corn in the soaking process, too, because it's already done.
	Never happened in the break.
	Do you throw any corn at the end?
	Never.
	Do you boil corn separately?
	Barko!
	He did say in that video, make sure you only boil the shrimp for three minutes.
	Scramp.
	Yeah, that's the end.
	Or they'll be hard to peel.
	Look at this.
	Just everything.
	They should have peeled the veined and took your tails off before.
	Who are you cooking for?
	Korea?
	That's Tony Satchery right there.
	Look at that.
	Garlic pita rajong.
	Look at the onion.
	That's that Louisiana.
	Look at the onions.
	They make fun of white people for not being into spice enough.
	And you go, yeah, we like spices plenty.
	And then you see this and you go, okay, well, I guess I don't empty 47 canisters of spice into everything I make.
	It's platinum.
	What is this?
	Jambalaya?
	Yeah, but it's like a seafood boil.
	Like that's Louisiana and stuff like that.
	Cajun.
	Like a Goomba.
	It's got sausage.
	Sausage.
	Sausage.
	God of sausage.
	Come, white people.
	I get it.
	Sausage at the sun of D!
	It's that Creole.
	By any chance, does Maddie know any taco recipes?
	Taco?
	Like, traditional tacos are easy.
	It's just chicken, pork, or beef.
	I mean, you could use seafood like trimp or regular seafood like cod.
	Trimp.
	But you'll keep watching the show.
	The episodes will come.
	I like traditional tacos.
	Like, they're small.
	They're not like Taco Bell tacos, like the big fucking hard shells.
	You like the cantina style?
	The cantina style with the corn.
	Yeah.
	There's no like tons of rice and cheese and tomato and all that other stuff.
	Onion.
	I mean, very the kind I like.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I like those.
	Very authentic.
	Someone sent in a t-shirt design.
	It's pretty good.
	It's kind of cluttered.
	I feel like we should just have the text and no background stuff.
	I see the drawing.
	Also, you gotta understand, like with t-shirts, I hate when people make a t-shirt that's like a picture.
	Oh, shit.
	That's square.
	It just cuts off.
	Hello, you're on Get Off My Lawn Live.
	How's it going, big man?
	Hey, man, y'all, right?
	Look, we're recording the show, so I picked up the show, but you're on the air.
	Oh, fuck.
	I'm on the air right now.
	That's crazy.
	Shit.
	How are you doing anyway, man?
	That's fucking wicked.
	I'm pretty good.
	I'm pretty good.
	Do you want to be on the air?
	No, that's fucking fine, man.
	That's cool.
	So I was just calling you about that article.
	Did you fucking see that thing?
	Yeah, she said that.
	So to be clear, you're Brandon Vaughn.
	You're the proud boy who was arrested for a hate crime because you allegedly attacked a Palestinian man in Washington, D.C. while supporting Israel with the Jewish Defense League.
	But the Palestinian guy choked you out first.
	Oh, fuck yeah, man.
	I was just chilling there at the rally, fucking having a gale of time, like you said before.
	And fucking, this guy just crosses the line.
	He's getting all fucking, it's getting all wild there.
	He's fucking shouting at people.
	And there's this chick.
	She actually, like, she's an Arab herself.
	She escaped Saudi Arabia.
	And I think her fucking uncle is, like, in Hamas or some shit.
	Well, she's, like, a born-again Christian.
	And she's preaching about how fucked up Palestine is and shit.
	So he, like, aggressively goes up to her.
	And I guess me being 22 and being a bit of a white knight, I was fucking quick to be like, yo, get the fuck out of her face.
	And then when all I did was get between them, and he grabbed me by the fucking throat and just started throttling me.
	So like, yeah, I just started fucking hitting him.
	And it was basically like a hockey fight for a good minute or two.
	It was just one-on-one.
	And I was just fucking hitting him because he choked me.
	And then I threw him on the ground.
	And just as I go to fucking give him like a little kick, like, I just see the stick almost take me out, fucking whack him one.
	And then he just gets dragged into this crowd of fucking guys battering him with sticks.
	And I was like, oh, okay.
	And if I didn't put my hands up in that video, I'd still be sitting in fucking prison right now for a fucking long time.
	So the sticks were the JDL, the Jewish Defense League, using their Israeli flag signs to beat him up.
	Did they get charged?
	Oh, fuck yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, they got charged, but no one in the fucking case did nearly as much time as I've done in it.
	One guy is actually still a buddy of mine.
	I won't say his name, but he had no idea that one of these fucking guys ratted on us.
	Like this guy who, the guy who actually damaged Kamal Neifa is his fucking name there.
	The Arab guy's eye.
	The guy that actually fucked up his eye with the stick.
	He got caught right away.
	And he basically gave up two Canadian names and said that we're like these fucking evil people, yada, yada.
	Yeah, we started the whole thing and he just came to our defense type thing.
	But he jumps in way the fuck after and puts out the guy's eye with a stick.
	And if in the video, I back up when people start hitting him with a stick and I put my hands up and actually approach the police, like, okay, that got out of hand.
	And the fucking cop actually shoves me into like a water fountain.
	And I'm like, okay.
	So the cop was bad at you?
	Hello?
	Wait, what are you doing?
	Like, he seen no reason to even grab me, arrest me, nothing.
	Wait, there.
	Wait, you cut out for a second there, Brandon.
	the cop was was the cop mad at you?
	No, no, no, no.
	The cop was coming to break up the commotion.
	Oh, so he's shoving you in the water fountain.
	Like, get out of the way, dude.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I walked up to him with my hands up, like, expecting shit.
	And then the fucking cop just shoved me.
	Like, get the fuck out of the way.
	And I was like, okay.
	And then I just stood there for another hour or two.
	And I talked to cops and all that, like you said before.
	And I shook some of their fucking hands.
	I left.
	I went through customs and everything.
	And everything was fine.
	But then shit popped up in the paper, like, before I had any idea about any charges.
	Now, you weren't a Proud Boy when you were there.
	No, no.
	Literally the next month when I did my first degree.
	And then after you joined the Proud Boys, a month after this happened, they retroactively became obsessed with charging you with a hate crime.
	Yeah, well, the actual, they found it, put the pieces together that I was at, the AIPAC thing, about a year after it, because for that year, me and the lads in Ottawa were just fucking kicking Antifa's ass all over the place.
	And then we got a bad, like, well, I don't think it was a bad name, but people started putting our faces out there because they couldn't beat us in the street.
	So they fucking went to the nerd shit online and started putting our families out there and all that shit.
	I see, we're looking at a picture of you right now on the floor with a cop kneeling on your back like George Floyd.
	That's the picture they keep using.
	Yeah, I was standing actually before they did the whole knee in the back thing.
	I was like, okay, like cuff me.
	They said, no, get on the fucking ground.
	And I was like, okay, I'm agreeing to come.
	You're just here.
	Like, put them on my back.
	They're like, get on the ground.
	And then they put me on the ground and put the knee in the neck and all that shit.
	And Antifa fucking cheering like the police on.
	It was fucking weird, man.
	Like, we were put in a box, basically.
	Like, the RCMP and the Parliament police boxed us in with Antifa, like a fucking boxing ring.
	And I was like, well, that's fair enough.
	But like, me and like the 10 guys I'm with got to get out of this crowd of like 50 guys.
	And I only know one way how to do that.
	So am I going to be fucking arrested?
	Or like you're putting us in the ring pretty much.
	Yeah, that's exactly what they did.
	They arranged the barriers so you were ensconced in Antifa.
	You guys fought your way out and then you got arrested for fighting.
	Fuck yeah.
	I literally got to the edge of like all of them, turned around like, hey boys, fucking, because I was getting fed up with my own guys because they were like so scared of the police.
	And I said, all right, fuck this shit.
	And I just walked to the front.
	I just shoved one guy out of the way.
	This other guy started waving his stick around like he's going to hit me.
	So I just kind of, I didn't like punch him in the face, but I just kind of shoved his like fucking, I just put my palm in his face and just kind of like shoved his head back, I guess.
	And he fucking all over, he over-exaggerates.
	He goes, oh, and he falls to the ground.
	And the police just swarmed me.
	And I was like, okay, like, put on the cuff.
	And then he started putting the knees on me.
	And then Antifa, like, everybody else starts fucking cheering.
	Now you so, so after the initial JDL thing, a year goes by, they find out you're a proud boy.
	They find a crime you did.
	They arrest you for it.
	You spend a month in jail in Ottawa?
	Yeah, down, like off of Innis Road, there's the OCDC.
	It's pretty well known.
	And then you're transferred from OCDC to Washington, D.C. jail.
	Well, I got bail.
	They were actually going to keep me in custody for months and then transfer me.
	But luckily enough, my parents managed, along with other people, like close family friends, managed to scram together enough money to get me a wicked lawyer so that I could get bail.
	I would have been in there for like four months and then they would have sent me to DC for like another, so it would have been almost like six months in total if they had it their way before knowing what my actual penalty was going to be.
	And I heard you were facing.
	Can everyone hear him okay?
	Oh, yeah, because I'm enjoying this.
	And you kept being told that you were looking at like 30 years.
	Sorry, 50.
	Was it 30 or 50?
	Fuck, the numbers varied, man, all over the place.
	If you read the newspaper, even that one I just sent you, she said I was facing 30 to like 45, something fucking ridiculous like that.
	But the lawyers down there were saying like 50, like six per felony, and they charged me with three.
	So it's about 18 years or so, or something crazy like that.
	And it was fucking hell of a feeling, man.
	Well, you were contemplating suicide.
	Well, not like, I mean, I like to think I wouldn't kill myself, but I definitely would have provoked my own death, so to speak.
	I would have just fucked with the wrong guy.
	I would have got myself killed because I still want to go to heaven and all that.
	But I don't know.
	Now, I talked to your dad about all this at length.
	And he told me, this is a minor detail that's not really got anything to do with anything, but I can't get it out of my head.
	He told me that all the COs in the Washington, D.C. jail are from Africa.
	Not African American, but African.
	They're all from the Congo.
	Yeah, the Congo.
	Interracial hate.
	Yeah, you want to see a within the same race hate?
	Like, fucking, there's black Americans in there.
	Fucking hate the Africans.
	This is the funniest shit.
	Oops.
	What happened there?
	Yeah, he said the COs are all African.
	And my theory is that Africans come from hell.
	The Congo, by the way, is famous for rampant militias forcing children during the revolution to fuck their parents at gunpoint.
	So horrors we don't normally conceive of.
	Like our brains are like the Holocaust.
	That's the kind of, when we think of the worst things in the world, that's our sort of a ceiling.
	The rest of the world has the Cultural Revolution with 80 million dead.
	They have fucking boiling children alive in South Africa.
	They have young boys fucking their mothers at gunpoint in the Congo.
	No thanks.
	Hard pass.
	So My theory is that they import these third world Africans because they have no feelings.
	And they're just like, what's the matter?
	You're dying.
	Brandon told me about guys he heard dying in the next cell.
	And no one gave a fuck.
	They let him die.
	He saw the guy being moved out.
	He was like, I can't breathe.
	Can somebody help?
	I sound like I'm being sarcastic, but can somebody help?
	Can somebody help?
	And then he just sees the next day them just wheeling him out.
	Brandon almost, the reason Brandon's alive, he was tad out.
	I can't sleep.
	I've been up for three days because people were trying to kill him.
	He's the only white guy in the whole fucking prison.
	The only guy not there for murder.
	He was there because someone choked him out and he punched him a few times.
	And they said, oh, you must be going through heroin withdrawals in their heads.
	I didn't say that.
	So they gave him 40 milligrams of methadone.
	Oof.
	So he's puking his guts out.
	Uh-oh.
	Yellow.
	So we were just talking about how they gave you all that methadone and you were going to die.
	And the only reason you're alive is because the janitor comes along cleaning up the cells and he goes, hey, someone's got to get this guy to a fucking hospital.
	Yeah, literally, they let me out after this guy.
	I already raised the fucking problem first.
	I got out of the cell for rec time.
	I'm walking through like this crowd of dreadlock guys and then I fucking just can't feel my, well, I can't feel shit all of a sudden.
	I feel like I weigh like a thousand pounds.
	Like each step, I'm like about to faint pretty much.
	So I turned to the African guard to check.
	I was like, can you let me open my door?
	I'm going to fucking...
	I'm going to be sick.
	I can't even walk.
	She's like, no, no, no, no, no.
	I was like, well, I'm going to fucking be sick all over your fucking little booth there if you don't fucking give me somewhere to go.
	And she's like, no, we do not have that yet.
	And I was like, oh, okay, okay.
	I'm going to go vomit in the fucking hallway now.
	She's like, no, no, no, don't do that.
	Don't do that.
	And I fucking, you know, these like huge.
	That's not how puking works, man.
	When I got a puke, I got a puke.
	So I turn away from her and I go to go down the hallway and there's like four guys that look like fucking Evo from Friday there.
	And I just shove past them and I'm like, fuck story lives.
	And I projectiles on it all over the fucking place, just all over the hallway.
	And I have like a moment where I just kind of, like we've all had, fucking, where you put your head between your legs for a second, go, oh, fuck.
	And I wipe the sweat from my brow.
	I look up and everything's like in double.
	So I see about like 12 of these big feathers just boom, boom, walking down the hallway at me.
	And I'm like, there's really only like four of them, but they were doubles like I see in double.
	But they all come up to me and I just stood up and I was like, all right, boys, fuck.
	I'm going to die.
	Like, get it over with, man.
	Fucking.
	They're like, what?
	Like, fucking, get it over with, man.
	Might as well just fucking give her.
	Like, what the fuck are you saying?
	Beat me to death.
	Let's just fucking get it, man.
	Go for it.
	Go on.
	And they're like, we're trying to fucking help you.
	I don't know, man.
	My guardian angel just fucking came, swooped down, and just like sprinkled some fucking friendly dust in front of them.
	They just breathed it in.
	They looked at me and they're like, oh, we're not going to kill him.
	We're actually going to help him all of a sudden.
	And I thought the look on their face, I thought I was fucking dead.
	Then all of a sudden, the one guy hugged me.
	He's like, if you kid, brother, we all do this.
	I was like, what do you mean we all do this?
	He's like, we all take that shit.
	And I realized the only reason I'm not being nice in this place is because everyone's heroined out.
	Right.
	They all are ex-junkies who've taken the methadone and done the puking ritual.
	Yeah, so they're like, brother, like, welcome.
	Like, it was my welcome.
	Like, this white boy is the real shit.
	He didn't even go into protection.
	And then he was fucking, they're like, yo, I haven't seen that before.
	This guy there, like, I was revered for, like, not going into protection there.
	Fucking, it was funny, man.
	And then I did my puking ritual.
	These guys started mopping up my vomit.
	Like, this massive dude was mopping up my puke.
	And I felt better for a second.
	And I ended up collapsing after.
	But I was like, brother, let me clean up my own mess.
	He's like, no, man, I've been there.
	Like, holy fuck.
	And then the one guy gave me a hug and I kind of collapsed.
	He's like, get this guy.
	He's hastening.
	So he's like, get this man to a hospital now, man.
	I was like, fuck.
	We got to go in a second, but how are you feeling now?
	Like, I understand you're pretty rickety.
	My brother was saying that you're kind of shaky when you hug him.
	Meaning him being.
	I got a whole ball of wax and shit around with me now because of that place.
	I don't know.
	I've pretty much got a minor heart condition out of it now.
	I have like overactive thyroid.
	My heart rate's always through the fucking roof.
	Yeah, like I have a severe tremor.
	This room, I guess.
	I didn't eat any of that shit, man.
	It was fucked.
	And even the Africans, man, they know what it's like back home.
	They wouldn't even eat the shit, you know?
	Fucking was brutal.
	So have you been to a doctor?
	Like, what does the doctor say about your condition now?
	The doctor didn't know how the fuck I made it in.
	Like, they made me walk in Chateau's, and then they see me, and immediately they're like, yo, get the stretcher.
	Like, this guy's fucked, you know?
	No, no, but the doctor's in Ottawa.
	Now that you're back in Canada, what do they say?
	Oh, I still, I still, I gotta see my family doctor.
	I've just been seeing family, and I had fucking Easter dinner and all that shit.
	And I've just been touching base.
	Yeah, dude, you gotta get checked out.
	We gotta find out what...
	Because I'm worried you're gonna be like that Otto Warm Beer dude who we got back from North Korea and then he died in like a minute because he had been so malnourished and whatever the fuck they did.
	Yeah, man.
	It was a fucking trip.
	First year I thought I was gonna die and the one take out of it I got that man fucking God is very real man, but so is the other guy.
	Like man, they were both very, very present around me, man.
	And I know like drugs take people to that other kind of experience realm, but fuck did it ever take me there, man.
	The light and everything.
	Well, my takeaway from all this is fuck the Jewish Defense League.
	It's fucking far.
	Yeah, I uh anyone I knew from it that was really any Jews, they're all moved on in life anyway now.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I I don't I haven't really talked to anyone from that shit in a long time.
	Um, I think someone from it, who I don't know if they're still in it or used to be, they actually fucked over the SNPs recently, which is pretty sweet if he was going for a job and then someone read like someone from like one of these Jew right-ring groups actually docked him for the job.
	Look at this thug.
	He beat up some fucking Arab and he actually lost the job.
	He's going to school for it.
	He's fucked for that.
	So I was laughing about that a little, but yeah, other than that, I didn't get no support from Dana, so I can't thank you and fucking your brother enough, but me and your brother are pretty good pals.
	I fucking do anything for you guys, man.
	I don't mean to take all your time there.
	All right, man.
	Well, I got a few hits.
	I'm going to send you.
	You have to go have them whacked, but we shouldn't talk about it on there.
	Anything.
	Let me know, man.
	All right, buddy.
	Cheers.
	Am I nuts that the biggest takeaway I get from all that is that the COs in the DC jails are all African?
	Possibly.
	I mean, how long was he there?
	Less than a year.
	Just over a month?
	I don't really know.
	I think it was only two months total.
	I think it was one month in Canada, one month in D.C. But like, you call your CO and you're like, hey, man, there's shit all over the walls in the new cell.
	I went, yes, you eat the poop.
	Let's start taking some calls and putting up some live chats.
	I don't want to know about this.
	Yes, I am on Truth Social.
	I was told I had like 30,000 followers and they're going to move them over, but when I looked it up, there's 1,000.
	Is this you?
	Yes, that is me.
	So I guess I got to start posting on that.
	I don't know.
	I'm on here too.
	Okay.
	Say hi to me, guys, if you're on Truth Social.
	That's you with my baby.
	Oh.
	Oh, that's the night me and your baby, we did shots until 4 in the morning.
	She was so hungover?
	Oh, my God.
	Now, I know what you're saying.
	Baby shouldn't have alcohol.
	Relax.
	The shot glasses were like this big.
	They were like a quarter.
	They're quarter-inch shot glasses.
	I was doing normal shots, but I'm not an idiot.
	From doing shots with the baby, they are minute.
	You could do a full shot.
	They're small.
	They're like two ounces.
	It's like an eye dropper.
	Two and a half ounces, I think.
	Each shot was an eyedropper, but we conked out.
	Did she have a hangover the next day?
	Oh, my God.
	Oh, she was like crying her eyes out.
	Am I the headache?
	Dude, we had to give her water.
	You're not supposed to give babies water, but because she was so...
	Are you not?
	No.
	I don't remember that.
	Yep.
	Why don't you give babies water?
	I don't know.
	She's eating food now.
	So maybe now we can introduce the wa-wa.
	There's something bad to them.
	I'm sure my wife will text me about it.
	She texts me throughout the show, and I'm like, No, I remember when my kids were young, a bottle was a baba, and there was baba juice, baba milk.
	I think there was baba waba.
	No, baba wawa.
	For water.
	Yeah.
	This is her swimming today.
	Her swimming lessons.
	Okay.
	I got her.
	And then the next one is her eating.
	This looks dangerous.
	No.
	We dunk her.
	And she holds her breath.
	She holds her breath underwater.
	Fourth day of eating food.
	Today was smashed sweet potatoes with bananas.
	How the fuck did we survive as cave people?
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	I think we just breastfed until the kid was like seven.
	Yeah.
	Something like that.
	That's the only way it could possibly work.
	On the tit.
	We got that.
	I'm 42, been married 14 years.
	Wife has gained a lot of weight.
	She hasn't wheat, dairy, sugar in the last 10 years.
	No logical reason she's gaining weight.
	She's not the same when I married.
	Obviously, I'm finding it very difficult to be attracted to her.
	What do I do?
	No kids, H. Ryan, you've got to figure out a better system here if things are getting cut off like that.
	14 years, huh?
	I don't know.
	Maybe slim down?
	I can't really help you with this, buddy.
	What do you want me to say?
	She's trying to lose weight.
	No wheat, dairy, or sugar.
	And she got, women get fatter when they get older.
	I hope you're quitting porn.
	You quit porn.
	You turn off that spigot, and you'll figure out a way to get a boner.
	Bone.
	Bone.
	Dries bone.
	So it looks like we got a bunch of these.
	Let's do some calls.
	See, $100.
	Oh, $100 get red.
	We got it written.
	Hey, guys, thanks for all the good entertainment.
	You're welcome.
	I made a web app focused on movies.
	But the twist is you can rate them on how woke they are.
	Oh, this sounds familiar.
	I was hesitant to share it at first, but after I saw Elon Musk said Netflix is going to lose subscribers because of its wokeness, I thought it was the best M. Okay.
	Why would it be the best M?
	Yeah, it doesn't really make sense.
	I would say the best M would be the ska band Madness.
	Hmm.
	Of all those.
	Yeah, Our House.
	That's a great jam.
	Our house.
	By the way, we never said...
	Ryan, what's the letter?
	We never said the...
	What, what M is?
	I'm looking forward to.
	We obviously want to keep going with this particular thing.
	While I look for it, because there are a bunch.
	We never said the website for silver.
	We didn't?
	No.
	So I got to put that in place.
	We pulled it up.
	FOP Company.
	Can you say it?
	It's P-H-A-U-P Metals.
	No, I did say it.
	I did say it.
	But yes, I'm happy to say it again.
	Fop Metals.
	Is that it?
	Let's just make quadruple sure here on our phone.
	Yes.
	Fopmetals.com.
	P-H-A-U-P-Metals.com.
	FOPMETAS.com.
	Promo code Gavin.
	The P-H-A-U-P.
	The FOP company.
	Gotcha.
	Scottish people.
	Here is the full letter.
	Hey.
	Okay.
	This is going great.
	You should be, I know you got a lot on your plate, but you should be throwing these up as they come in.
	Best moment to share it.
	Check it out.
	And it's called is that woke.com.
	I've definitely read letters from this guy before, and I appreciate that.
	You know what is not woke these days?
	Nothing.
	Fucking nothing.
	I'm at the bar, and I'm watching commercials for the new Fitbit.
	And it's got some black whale on a surfboard.
	And you're like, you're not a surfer.
	This is a lie.
	Then I'm on YouTube and I'm looking at a review of Sega.
	Someone's unboxed an old Sega.
	And the video game console.
	It's all black people.
	And then all the narrators talking about the history of Atari and Sega are all black women.
	And you're like, you didn't play video games?
	You're reading a script.
	You get coached and they say, look, Sega was doing badly.
	Atari was winning.
	But then Sega introduced a 16-bit.
	Okay, got it.
	So what happened was, you know, Atari was running the shit.
	They were running the game.
	And then, of course, what came along?
	Sega and the 16-bit.
	Niggas was like, what the fuck?
	Shit's real now.
	Don't swear.
	Take the swearing part out.
	Okay, okay, I got it.
	I got it.
	It was like 60% black women talking about the history of video games in the 80s.
	Why?
	You got to see it to be it.
	Woke.
	Okay, is that woke?
	I don't think video games are good, by the way.
	You could be talking about cigarettes.
	Like, you could be going, we used to smoke a pack of fucking Darnells a day, and then we moved over to Newports.
	Like, it's not even good things.
	They're just injecting black women into everything that's ever been done.
	Here's me doing my part.
	I'd give my life savings to have Ryan switch places with Max and John.
	That would be great.
	No, it would not.
	I would love to see how Ryan would survive in prison.
	I think he'd do okay.
	Yeah.
	I'm a resilient person.
	Why'd you say that like your Johnny Depp imitation?
	Well, because I'm a resilient person.
	But back in the day when we had Sega Renesis, we didn't have no games.
	So what we do is we take a cardboard box, like a Pop-Tart box.
	And we put it inside of Dennis and be like, oh, shit, we're playing Pop-Tart.
	Hmm.
	They're very resourceful.
	Here's another one here.
	Okay.
	Maddie's a biker.
	Maddie, why would you think that Maddie is spelled M-A-D-D-I-E?
	What is it an abbreviation of?
	Maddox?
	Yeah.
	And why not just say Maddox?
	It's just as long.
	Quipping a cocksucker and buy the man a shovelhead and then send him out to get ride footage.
	Yeah, I guess we could do that.
	I kind of like Maddie's shit a little kitchen, though.
	Instead, he's stuck with a zipper head.
	Ryan got him better.
	Zipper head.
	Oh, I got it.
	Can we get some calls, please?
	Yeah, absolutely.
	This one's $100.
	Would you rather have Amber Heard shit on your bed or shit on Amber Heard?
	I think both are basically the same, right?
	Like, if Amber Heard shit on my bed, it'd be a major violation, and my wife would be upset.
	But, you know, we'd wash the sheets, and I don't think it would bleed through to the mattress.
	I think I would have chucked the sheets.
	Oh, yeah, definitely.
	Definitely the mattress.
	You think you'd chuck the sheets?
	Yeah, and the mattress?
	I have a tempurpedic mattress.
	They're five grand.
	Yeah.
	I'm not throwing that away.
	If you could fucking murder my whole family on it, it's staying.
	Amber Heard shit on your bed or shit on Amber Heard.
	So taking a dump on some poor, dumb, like, celebrity chick?
	Nothing spectacular.
	The problem with the second one, too, is you think, that doesn't mean anything.
	No, it'll bother you for the rest of your life.
	That you shit on her?
	Taking shit on a girl?
	Dude, I punched a girl in sparring a year ago now, and I still remember it and go, yeah.
	Yeah, I don't think I would find no pleasure in shitting on.
	No.
	I don't even want to shit on Jen Saki.
	Or like, who's the horrible one?
	The African with African accent, Joy Reed.
	Okay.
	I don't, like, I might fart on her.
	Or, like, throw a pencil at her head.
	But I don't want to like dump on a human being.
	Yeah, that's too much indecence.
	The thing about hurting people when you're our age, and when I say our age, I mean me and Maddie, it's like nothing, nothing, nothing, kill.
	Like, I want to murder a pedophile.
	And then anything below that, like, say a guy slaps a woman, I guess I want to beat him up.
	And then anything below that, obviously, anything with kids, you want to just like end them.
	Yeah.
	But outside of that, I don't really want to bother.
	Yeah.
	I'll throw a drink on you, I guess.
	We got Andy.
	He's a winner.
	731.
	You're on the line.
	Go ahead, Andy.
	You're up, Andy.
	731, you're up.
	You're probably not Andy.
	Sometimes the thing reads it wrong.
	Oh, that's my bad.
	I've had this call thing set up for a minute now, but I had to click something.
	There was a mate.
	Okay, Ryan is fucked up, believe it or not.
	So that's why I had some calls.
	Hello, winner, Andy.
	Hello, hello.
	I've got this hilarious story.
	When I was 12, and I just...
	Never mind.
	It's stupid.
	I'm sorry, Bye.
	All right, no, that's great.
	Thanks for calling.
	You won.
	Let's get to the next caller.
	Does he still win?
	Yep.
	Okay.
	He was the first caller.
	First or second caller.
	Rules or rules.
	Rules and rules.
	If you don't follow your rules, you're not a man of your word.
	If you're not a man of your word, you're bino!
	Bina!
	Lesbian!
	Bina!
	You're lesbian!
	614, you're in law.
	What's up, 614?
	Hello.
	Yo, can you hear me?
	Yeah, what's up?
	Hey, so I was wondering what your opinion is on whether girls who were severely sexually abused as children are worth dating or whether the emotional minefield that's kind of an inevitability with those people is worth it or not?
	That's a good question, sir.
	My experience has been I dated a girl who was raped in unimaginable ways by her father when she was young, her and her twin sister.
	And I couldn't hack it and I peaced out.
	Her thing was anything intimate reminded her of her father, like any snuggling, spooning, normal sex.
	So the only way she could get off sexually is if I was a violent asshole who beat the shit out of her, not really beat the shit out of her, like rough sex.
	And then she also loved public humiliation.
	So like she wanted to be slapped in public and stuff.
	That wasn't for me.
	A lot of baggage.
	So I would say it goes by per person, but you know, if a woman, and I feel terrible saying this because I'm like, if a woman doesn't want to be spooned, then she's unlovable.
	Is that what I'm saying?
	Maybe I am.
	Unless you can find a guy that doesn't want to do that.
	I don't know.
	That's why pedophilia is such a horrific thing here because we're trying to, you know, deal with their detritus and it's fucking, it's a real mess to clean up.
	Yeah, I mean, my experience with girls like that is that they have like a resounding just hatred for men and they feel like they're not attracted to masculine men.
	They want to date a beta and they kind of want to be in control of what's going on.
	Well, does this woman like normal fucking?
	Yeah, sure.
	Well, then marry her.
	Oh, I've got nothing to do with this.
	This is a friend of mine who's dating some girl video.
	Wait, you're asking advice for someone else?
	I was just wondering what you're talking about.
	Thanks for calling.
	Unacceptable.
	From now on, we only do advice to the person, obviously.
	No third-party calls.
	No third-party advice.
	Yeah.
	What the hell is that?
	What is that?
	What if we have a question?
	Yeah.
	Well, you can't answer on his behalf.
	Hey, I've started cutting myself, and I'm worried that it's going to get out of hand.
	I'm going to get a major vein.
	Oh, really?
	What do you should cut yourself?
	I don't really know.
	I'm talking from someone else I know that does this.
	Well, we can't help you, sir.
	Even three-way calls.
	Not that I sure would be cutting himself.
	Not even three-way calls, according to Jesse Lee Peterson.
	No.
	Ben, you're on a line.
	Make it good.
	Go ahead.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Okay, here we go.
	All right, boys.
	I just wanted to say how awesome Tactical Walls is.
	You know, before Tactical Walls, all my BDSM equipment was all over the place.
	But now it's organized right.
	It's all perfect.
	Everything is on my wall for display.
	Ball gags, dildos, latex masks, whips, chains, beads, everything you could think of.
	Tactical Walls has changed my life.
	And big shout out to Tactical Tim who came out and crushed my balls personally.
	Have a good night, boys.
	Appreciate it.
	That was fantastic.
	Great, great call, dude.
	Great.
	That was worth being on hold, working on all that shit.
	Hell yeah.
	Way to go.
	What a slam dunk of a prank call that was.
	That got funked.
	Holy shit.
	That's fucking pathetic.
	513 online.
	Hi, Gavin.
	Hi.
	How are you?
	I'm good.
	Yeah?
	Yeah, you sound dubious.
	You don't think I'm doing good?
	Is this a lady or a baby?
	I don't know.
	I mean, you're drunk half the time, right?
	So you don't really know yourself.
	Touche.
	Touche.
	Touch.
	Where's Milo at right now?
	I heard he's like a flat earther and shit.
	Oh, yeah.
	Well, that was a live chat message we didn't read.
	Yeah, that was mine.
	Oh, okay.
	So he's super into the Bible now, like Old Testament stuff.
	I've spoken to him occasionally.
	I think he's working as the press agent for Marjorie Taylor Greene, I believe.
	Does he have like YouTube or?
	No, he has nothing.
	He has nothing.
	He has nothing.
	But are devout Christians like Ryan who believes that dinosaurs don't exist or they were dragons in the like.
	There's an argument there.
	Are they flat earthers?
	I don't think so.
	I think the Old Testament makes the earth round.
	Well, it says there's a first.
	He did a podcast with a flat earther.
	That's okay.
	I don't know.
	I was just wondering where he's at.
	Also, by your own logic, Gavin, you were a raging faggot with the amount of women you had intercourse with.
	Yes, that is also true.
	Are you taking your boyfriend's points and making them your own?
	He told me to call in.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Well, thanks for calling.
	Women aren't normally that astute with hypocrisy.
	Yes, she's right though.
	Or he's right when he told her to say that.
	I really wish you had a fart ready after you said ass toot.
	And you're like, and this is an ass toot.
	I fucked a million chicks in my vice days and in my band days, and that is a faggot lifestyle.
	I lived a faggot lifestyle.
	I was a faggot.
	And that's a big reason why I push all this family shit on you guys is because I waited way too late.
	I had my youngest boy when I was fucking 43.
	That's pathetic.
	So I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me.
	So when I always say to guys, look, you started drinking at 14.
	At 24, you should have ironed out the kinks.
	I was like considering slowing down at 34.
	That's 20 years of relentless partying.
	That's retarded and gay.
	Literally gay.
	I mean, not quite dick in the mouth, but fucking a different chick every night is for losers.
	Who was less attractive, Tarana Burke or Lori Lightfoot?
	Toronto Burke.
	Easy.
	So easy.
	Lori Lightfoot, before she was mayor, she was as high as a 3.8.
	She looks like Betelgeuse.
	Right.
	She's a one now.
	But she was soaring through the clouds of 3.8.
	She had normal hair.
	Sort of.
	There's another $100 one.
	I finally conquered my last vice.
	I quit eating my boogers.
	Good work, front butt.
	Look at Lori Lightfoot, though, before she turned into Beetlejuice.
	Well, that's not bad.
	But I don't want to say, I hope I'm not looking at a 12-year-old when I say, she's pretty fuckable.
	Obviously, she's a monster now.
	But, like, Toronto Burke was a monster before she was even conceived.
	Even that's like a cool, like, wall terrible spikely movie.
	Yeah.
	Extra.
	And I like the tall chick she's with.
	Let's be in.
	Let me in.
	All right.
	We got fucking who's his 919.
	You're on the line, line, line.
	Go ahead.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	You there, bud?
	Yo, yo, Pete.
	What's going on, Pete?
	Hey, sorry.
	So do you watch Peaky Blinders at all?
	Have you seen the last season?
	I did for a while.
	I kind of pieced out.
	One of my problems with that guy is I'm a kind of hunkophobe.
	Yeah, me too.
	He's so handsome that it kind of bothered me.
	Like, you look at old photos of, you know, East London and post-World War I, you don't see a lot of, like, model guys.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	He should have had, like, Missy.
	Go ahead.
	Sorry.
	I mean, this is...
	Whose show is this?
	He looks like a hot chick.
	No, he does.
	But the weird thing is, is if you watch the last season, especially like the last few episodes, it's all about this fighting fascists.
	Oh, good.
	And they're all Nazis and Zigheiling.
	And the guys from Glasgow.
	I couldn't help but notice similarities between, you know how Netflix and all these woke people are.
	I couldn't help but them.
	Like if the guy gets a job in the next season as a radio host, I wouldn't be surprised.
	That would be fucked up.
	What a bunch of cucks.
	It's worth checking out.
	They ruined their own show just to get me.
	What a bunch of fucking losers.
	It's happened before.
	We've seen in secession, in Law and Order.
	It's happened in a bunch of shows.
	Dude, do you know the talk you were at, basically, where the Proud Boy in New York, where Antifa threw bottles of piss and everything?
	The last scene or the scene...
	I think it's the last episode.
	Anyway, the guy from Glasgow is protecting this crazy fascist guy.
	So the guy from Glasgow, he has like a group called the Billy Boys.
	No.
	And they're protecting the fascists.
	No.
	Yeah.
	And there's this whole like speech set up.
	And there's a bunch of anti-fascists protesting outside.
	Dude, sir, did you mention the guy's name is Jimmy McCavern?
	You've got to watch it.
	His name's Jimmy McCavern?
	Why would you leave that out, sir?
	I didn't know his fucking name.
	You didn't want it to be too over the top, you half-ass calling bastard.
	Jimmy McCavern is the leader of the Billy Boys from Glasgow.
	See, I'm watching it and I'm just saying to myself, fucking, I'm done with Netflix, dude.
	I mean, but it's almost comical, I think.
	What a bunch of fucking faggots.
	I am done.
	Thanks for calling, by the way.
	You know, that goes back to what I was saying about these writers.
	They haven't experienced anything.
	So their idea of justice is like, fighting Nazis.
	Yeah.
	That's kicking ass and taking names.
	You want to be a real man?
	Punch a Nazi in the face.
	And then they don't know what that means.
	So they go, what's a Nazi?
	And then they look at their computer.
	They have to go to Argentina.
	Proud boys.
	Argentina.
	Yeah, Proud Boys.
	Let's call them the Billy Boys.
	I think he's right.
	I think that's a Proud Boys attack.
	Jimmy McCavern.
	Meanwhile, what's happening in the real world?
	In the real world, Brandon Vaughn is going on behalf of Israel to D.C. A bunch of JDL Jewish Defense League dudes are beating the shit out of a fucking Palestinian.
	He gets blamed for it, even though all he did was get the guy off his neck.
	And he's doing months in prison when no one else is.
	That's reality.
	He's projectile vomiting from a methadone overdose in a prison in fucking D.C. And this fat nerd who writes this fucking show, we got to find out who writes that episode.
	He's never lived.
	The person who wrote this episode has never lived.
	What episode is it, Ryan?
	Let's find out.
	It's called It's Season 5, Episode 6: Mr. Jones of Piggy Blinders.
	And here's the character.
	Bullers helped our boys clear them away.
	A few head clues are a good thing.
	We can illustrate how we deal with opposition.
	There was a rumor a gang of Jews were coming up from Vick, but no sign of them yet.
	But wait a minute.
	The whole thing with World War II, the fascism and the Jew thing, were way down the line.
	There are a few picky boys around.
	Are they friends with naggers?
	There'll be no rifts between us.
	Keep your powder dry.
	Bloody Jews.
	If there's one thing I hate in 1920, it's a religious group I'm neither familiar with because I'm fucking Scottish.
	Yeah.
	And they don't really come across my reader that much.
	Probably better off if you said Protestants.
	Yeah, totally.
	Catholics.
	Then they would have some realism.
	I know you're the founder of Bleisch Newspaper.
	And you did street magic with something writer.
	I want to call him right now.
	It was a little less packed than that.
	What is this, a fascist rally?
	But, like, fascism was barely alive in Britain back then.
	See, you know, I'm worried that sometimes they make these villains seem kind of cool.
	Sometimes they get so...
	Oh, Stephen Knight is the writer.
	Stephen Knight is a British screenwriter and film director, best known for screenplays for the films Dirty Pretty Things and Eastern Promises.
	Oh, that was a good movie, Eastern Promises.
	And also directed as well, written the film Locke.
	Knight is one of three creators of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, a game show that has been remade and aired in around 160 countries worldwide, and is written for BBC's commercial breakdown, The Detectives, Peaky Blinders, and Taboo.
	He also wrote The Hundred Foot Journey and Sacrifice.
	Jesus.
	Doesn't really fit the bill.
	Stephen Knight.
	Okay, let's get back to calls.
	All right, 479, you're on the line.
	All right, I just, I gotta settle something between me and another baby monster.
	We both called into the show and actually met up at a local pub in Fort Smith, Arkansas.
	Cool.
	And the intro to the show, live from New York.
	It's Get Off My Laws, Gab McGinnis.
	Is that Ryan?
	No.
	Or is that someone else?
	No, it's a guy I paid.
	He's actually Scottish originally, but he works in L.A. And I know him through mutual friends, but he does voices for Wednesday Night Buffalo Wings, $2.40.
	WFMU, 90 points.
	He charged me like 300 bucks for that.
	This is what he said.
	He said that you paid for that.
	And I said, there's no way his cheap ass paid for that with Ryan's voice.
	Oh, you know that guy?
	That was pre-Ryan.
	No, no, no.
	I know the guy that, I know a guy.
	No, I met a guy that called into the show.
	I called into the show and he called in the show.
	And we recognized the area code.
	And then you made the guy say his full name on air.
	So I looked him up on Facebook.
	And now we've met up and hung out at the pub and shit.
	See, good things.
	Where in LA?
	Arkansas.
	No, in Fort Smith, Arkansas.
	Oh, I see.
	So not the guy who does the voice.
	No.
	These are two.
	Not the guy that does the voice, but this guy was saying.
	You know, the guy who did the voice, one funny story is we were in L.A. And when I had an ad agency, we were heavy drinkers.
	Like, it was fucking, it was madman time.
	But in L.A., you're three hours behind.
	So you're ready.
	You've done your meetings.
	You've done your pitches.
	And everything happens before traffic.
	So by 3 p.m., you're done, right?
	That's your 6 p.m.
	If you're a New Yorker, you're ready to rock.
	So you get to the bars, they're either closed or nothing's going on.
	And so we go to his house and we're like, Andrew's his name.
	Andrew, you got any fucking beer?
	Or I mean, a liquor?
	You got any bourbon?
	And he goes, what?
	And we go, bourbon.
	He's a big drinker too.
	And he goes, yeah, I had bourbon.
	I drank it.
	Who has bourbon in their house?
	He goes, that's like having Coke in your house.
	No one has a bag of Coke lying around.
	When it's there, you finish it.
	It's got a point.
	That's great.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling, buddy.
	Was he supposed to sound like Don Pardo of Saturday Night Live?
	Yeah.
	Well, he's trying to do like, you know, TV voice.
	Right, right.
	But not specifically.
	He has his own studio.
	Like, he's a very successful voice actor.
	But not voice actor.
	Whatever you call him.
	It's Saturday Night Live.
	Not that guy specifically.
	Oh, calls.
	Uh-oh.
	Direct line.
	Colin.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Ah, Golin.
	Here.
	We are in.
	We have.
	Recommendation.
	Which one?
	At Winnie's?
	Winnie Winnie's.
	And how is it there?
	Winnie's karaoke.
	And how is it?
	Is it Guy Chinky, by the way?
	Is it Guy Chinky?
	The guy behind the bar looks like the ball for Beverly Hills Corp.
	Trading Places.
	Oh, right.
	The guy behind the bar looks like trading places, Beverly Hills Corp.
	All right, well, how would they think on me?
	I'm actually shooting a fucking show, by the way, there, big man.
	All right, cheery bye.
	See, like those guys, can you come down at 11 o'clock?
	They're going to be fucking blurred.
	Yeah.
	Absolutely plastered.
	Steaming.
	That's pretty cool, though.
	We're getting a call from the Scottish national boxing team.
	I mean, that's good for the brand.
	That's better than killing a bunch of fucking slugs on air.
	I just undid the slug damage you did, Ryan.
	That was supposed to be private.
	Ever thought about having Jay Dyer on?
	Who's that again?
	He's an Orthodox Christian dude, but he's also a very funny dude.
	He's on YouTube, very successful, and he's a very cool guy.
	Great guy.
	Frankly.
	Now we have John talk about CNN Plus.
	Oh, boy.
	Hey, Gavin, how's it going?
	Good.
	How are you?
	Oh, not so bad.
	How does it feel to have two and a half times as many subscribers as CNN Plus?
	I would like to add that we are twice the cost of CNN Plus.
	They are $5 a month.
	We are $10 a month.
	We've been around.
	How long have we been around for?
	Like three years now?
	2019.
	Do you want to count CR-TV?
	No.
	Okay, so in 2019, I believe.
	So we've been around for three years, and they were around for three months.
	Those fucking stupid, shitty boomers.
	They remind me of the CBC and the BBC.
	In a way, they're state-funded media.
	Like that massive headquarters right off of Central Park over by Columbus Circle there.
	The free market is not creating that.
	That's fucking, that's inflated.
	I don't know.
	I feel like this streaming is kind of showing that the free market doesn't want them.
	Yeah.
	Oh, absolutely.
	Absolutely.
	You're right.
	You're right.
	So I should rephrase that.
	So they were somehow state-funded media, and now we're seeing the free market dip their toes into CNN.
	I mean, now that Biden's in power, the DNC doesn't need them anymore.
	What are you showing there, Ryan?
	So this is the first episode.
	This is a test.
	May 8th, 2019.
	It's almost our birthday.
	Oh, okay.
	Should we do something?
	Sure, yeah.
	We should get wasted.
	Don't you love, too, like, that Chris Wallace is, he put all his eggs in that basket and it lasted like a couple months?
	I know.
	It's hilarious.
	Just watching them self-destruct.
	And even, like, I just read on Reuters, like, even, like, Reuters is saying, like, this is a terrible idea.
	Like, no one wants it.
	Yes.
	Well, I had a friend text me today.
	He goes, what a red letter day.
	Musk announced he's got 45 billions of backing to buy Twitter.
	The Florida legislature shoved a magic wand up Mickey Mouse's ass, and CNN announced that it's shuttering CNN Plus at the end of the month.
	Chef's kiss.
	We love to see our enemies.
	Things are kind of turning around, you know?
	Maybe.
	I mean, the midterms are going to be drastic.
	The midterms are going to be a drastic victory.
	The real question is, what happens to Joe Biden in the next seven years?
	I have no answers for that.
	What do you think?
	I don't know.
	I think with the way, I think Josh LaCash said this, but he was talking about when Trevor Noah said, oh, this never would have happened under Trump.
	I think they're kind of gearing up to just kind of throw him under the bus and get someone else in even before his term is up.
	That's just how I feel.
	I think it's just become too obvious that he is just full of dementia, just dripping with dementia.
	Okay, but you're not off the hook yet, my friend.
	Who, what, where, when, where, why, how?
	Like, who replaces Joe Biden and under what auspices?
	How do they get him out?
	They say he had a heart attack?
	Probably, or they just convince him to resign and Kamala.
	And what does he say?
	I'm resigning because why?
	He'll probably say, you know, like, I did what I came here to do.
	I beat Trump.
	I'm going to retire to spend more time with my family.
	I think that's how it's going to shake out.
	I think especially if the middle of the world is a little bit more than a bigger.
	That's like an astronaut on his way to outer space to the moon going, I'm actually not going to the moon tomorrow.
	I want to spend more time with my family.
	I mean, do you really think he's going to last another year?
	No one thinks he's going to last, but the trouble is explaining the departure.
	You need some sort of an accident, maybe a fake assassination attempt that grazes his shoulder.
	Ow!
	I don't know.
	Just show him any Benny Johnson video.
	Be like, this is fucking why.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Sorry, what did Ryan just say?
	I said, just show him any Benny Johnson video.
	Show him a Benny Johnson video.
	Yeah, it's just his whole feed is just Biden doing retarded shit.
	Oh, I see.
	Yep.
	Anyway, thanks for calling, Caller.
	But yeah, I'm very interested in the semantics of exercising exactly what we know has to happen.
	You know, another big win is, so Ethan Klein has been known to attack people's sponsors.
	Like Tim Heidecker, who got, who helped, along with Vic Berger and Brett Geisman.
	Brett Gelman and Joe Gelmanstein.
	Who helped get Sam Hyde booted from his show because they alleged he was, what, hiding swastikas in the background?
	It was somehow secretly an alt-right show.
	No, it was just funny, you fucking losers.
	But just like that, Ethan Klein worked hard to dox his enemies, to attack the sponsors of various shows that he decided were too right-wing.
	I don't know if I was part of that hit list.
	I probably was.
	And Now they're going after him.
	And Jordan Peterson said this.
	Yes.
	He said, Careful of the rabbit hole you're going down, Ethan.
	Careful of this leftist canceling culture because the left cannibalize themselves and they will eventually come for you.
	You're playing a dangerous game.
	This is just like the smallpox blankets.
	The allegation is that the white man gave the Indians smallpox blankets and the Indians got smallpox and died.
	No.
	A general suggested this to his superiors and said, what if we put smallpox in the blankets and then gave them to the Indians and they'd all die?
	And the superiors said, I like your thinking.
	I appreciate your sadism, but we'd probably get smallpox.
	It could become a thing like in the future, the Wuhan lab.
	I don't want to start a whole COVID thing.
	Let's not mess with biowarfare and stick to just shooting them in the head.
	This is what happened with Ethan Klein.
	He started making smallpox blankets and he sent them out and then he got smallpox and that's where we are today.
	Great.
	Thank God.
	We're almost getting sick of winning.
	It's beautiful.
	That should be the name of today's episode.
	We have no sponsors because I am an existential threat to gay rights and all progress.
	So, of course, our wonderful fans have taken it upon themselves to write off our sponsors and to have them not sponsor or not to support us.
	I'll just say this.
	I'm very thankful to our members because it makes this show kind of bulletproof to stuff like this.
	It's just painful that people would do that.
	There it is.
	Well, when the rabbit got the gun.
	Exactly.
	You expect a little more of the sponsors in a way, but I get it.
	It's just transactional for them.
	But I feel like I put so much into our good partners.
	And it's kind of crazy when they just draw you like the bad.
	Can I just pause it here, just to go off subject for a second?
	I hate these shows, like the generation, the millennials with Vosh and fucking Ethan, where they're on their computers, and they're just tooling around with no show plan, no prep, just like blabbing like you would if you were hanging out at their house.
	That's not interesting to me.
	You shouldn't pay for that.
	Cancel him.
	But what else does he say?
	That was the end of it.
	Oh, really?
	I want to see the...
	Oh, here we go.
	This is the supercut, I think, of all the homophobic kids.
	He has some anal leaking.
	Now, we were saying, well, if he's getting blasted in the ass hard enough, potentially, you may need to wear a diaper.
	And a lot of you will say, like, okay, we've had a debate.
	Like, I don't think vaginas increase in size from sex, but assholes actually do.
	If you have a lot of anal sex, you can actually blast open your anus.
	Frequent anal sex can result in a blasted open asshole.
	Maybe he just got railed real hard the night before.
	So, Matt, what have I got wrong?
	I know often you feel inclined.
	So, do you find it offensive if I say by being like, oh, he's probably a bottom?
	Is that the problem?
	Absolutely.
	It's offensive.
	Because the gay men already, you have to deal with certain assumptions about femininity and masculinity.
	I mean, it is funny, though.
	I don't know.
	I think the problem is that the term power bottom is very funny to me.
	Sometimes, you know, these alpha men give power bottom vibes.
	So who is gay?
	Well, this is all just in one show.
	I'm watching this episode.
	Shut the fuck up.
	I'm pretty sure he's got a long history of...
	Who cares?
	You know, it's funny too, because it's like, oh, we'd be totally fine with you saying that.
	But, you know, he goes on the attack.
	He doesn't like what other people say.
	They'll point it out.
	Make you seem like a bad dude.
	Didn't he also say anyone says the N-word should be canceled?
	And then there's another clip of him really enjoying the hard R?
	No, he's saying it left and right.
	Yeah.
	Gavin.
	Who cares?
	I'm actually getting embarrassed that we're talking about him.
	We've got five minutes left.
	Let's take some calls.
	My show is tomorrow, by the way.
	Celebrity mail, thank you for inviting me to read the People's Mail.
	You're a gift.
	It'll be up there at 11 a.m.
	Oh, Jim, you're on the line, 801.
	Dog.
	Hello, Bedwetter, Father Felter, and my man Maddie.
	I need some counsel.
	Can you guys help me, please?
	Yes.
	I'd like to discuss the trauma caused to me.
	I know this is kind of going back a while, but when you were fired, Ryan, you know, I was at my local down here at George's Oasis Bar in Dominican Republic, you know.
	Dominican runs like heroin.
	Just passed it.
	And I made a very angry email, a curt email to you.
	And I was so...
	And before that, I reached out to Ryan for support.
	When I interviewed Josh Denny, he said I was a fish.
	This was all a bit.
	And I stayed on his and I pulled the punch.
	I didn't send the email.
	But please tell me that these things growing on the side of my neck are not Gills and Nick.
	Like, you really did fire the guy, right?
	And hired him back.
	It hurt, man.
	I almost canceled my subscription.
	To be honest.
	Please, please.
	I fired him so many times.
	I can't remember which one was real and which one was a bit.
	But I think it's pretty inevitable that Ryan will be fired.
	He's an imbecile.
	I'm too badass.
	He's going to make some dumb demands, and it's going to be untenable, and he'll be let go.
	And we'll lose, like, I don't know, 10%, 15% of our subs, and we'll move on.
	The callers suck tonight, and I think they give us a bad name.
	But please show me Trudeau saying he's a retard.
	And give me back my show notes.
	I'm oot.
	How's it going with you for calling?
	With your online girlfriend.
	Remember him with the fake online girlfriend?
	Is that who that was?
	Yeah.
	Jim Fannin.
	Jim Fannon.
	Yeah, let's pull up that Justin Trudeau thing.
	Do you know what he's talking about?
	It's an old clip that just aired of Justin Trudeau claiming the email is called Justin Trudeau's Disability Explained by Him.
	And he talks about how he's dysnumeric and he can't do basic arithmetic.
	It makes me worry that Fidel Castro was a retard.
	I mean, Margaret Trudeau is a dumb slut, but did Justin get all the dumb slut genes?
	Or is Fidel also a fucking imbecile?
	Because, you know, he's Spanish.
	We didn't know really what he was saying.
	Maybe Fidel Castro is just as dumb as his son.
	I have a little confession to make.
	I have a slight learning disability.
	Wow.
	I am dysnumeric.
	This is the leader of the largest country next to Russia.
	To handle small numbers and little calculations, those easy things that people do so well.
	13 plus 14.
	27.
	27.
	Under pressure, it's even worse.
	So, I mean, if I pick up numbers, I'm trying to do it.
	2 plus 3 minus 1 times 2 minus 4 plus 2.
	How many people followed that?
	Well, we didn't know we were doing a thing.
	6.
	Do it again.
	Let me see if I can do it.
	Let me see how dysnumeric I am.
	2 plus.
	Wait, go back.
	2 plus 3.
	5.
	1.
	4.
	8.
	4.
	2.
	How many people follow that?
	Maddie got it.
	You can't do that?
	Leader of a massive fucking country with the population of Britain and the size of...
	America.
	No, bigger than America.
	Yeah, but nobody lives up the way up.
	Okay.
	Still a lot of land to be in charge of.
	Yeah, that's true.
	I know the top part's literally called none of it, but a lot of it is important.
	At least 150.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Says Fidel Castro.
	His speeches were tour de force.
	Took for hours with a lot to say.
	Oh, my God.
	That Cas Dean is the problem with my home country.
	Okay, let's do one more column.
	We're out of here.
	541.
	I looked up Discomeric.
	It does exist in the English language, but it's very, very hard to find.
	It doesn't come up a lot.
	It's called Idiot.
	What's going on, Colin?
	Hey.
	Hello.
	Can you guys hear me?
	Yeah.
	You sure can.
	Alright, well, I've got to admit something.
	I'm the one who took a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.
	Oh!
	Oh.
	Why did you do that?
	I'm a serial shitter.
	Why did you do that?
	Why did Amber let you in the house?
	East Coast lately.
	Nice.
	You know what?
	You ruined their marriage.
	They're in court right now because of that shit, you shithead.
	Literally.
	It was a juicy one.
	A big fucking juicy one.
	What are you bragging about?
	Your fucking irresponsible feces has destroyed a loving relationship.
	You're a fucking piece of shit, man.
	Yeah, you are the shit that you shit in that bed, you fucker.
	Fuck you, dude.
	I dropped a brown jihad right in the middle of that motherfucker.
	Fuck you.
	You know what?
	This show's over.
	I'll fucking drink.
	Bring up on him.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave and never stop fighting.

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