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April 22, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
42:17
GOML LIVE #145 - SICK OF WINNING (Part 1)

Musk has $45b for Twitter, Florida told Disney to fuck off, CNN+ is done, and Johnny Depp has been vindicated. What a banner day here in Clown World!

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Time Text
That was the Viagra Boys.
Ain't no thief.
Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.
We're here with Maddie O'Dell, the ex-con from the ex-Biker Club, who was also not a thief.
No.
Never stole nothing.
Dealt drugs, murdered people.
No, I didn't murder people.
Put a lot of strangers in a whole lot of hurt, but never stole anything.
No.
Didn't you say once that when the cops were investigating a case and it was theft?
They went, yeah, that's not Maddie Odell.
Yeah.
Let's drop it.
That was a home invasion.
Yeah, that's not.
They're like, that's not really his MO.
Home invasions are gay.
What are you going to get?
Pearls?
Ooh, some diamonds from her magic jewelry drawer?
Yeah, maybe 50 years ago.
People don't have shit anymore.
You could rob my whole house.
I'd say thank you.
Thank you for emptying our home of my wife's fucking Native American salt and pepper shaker collection.
Every fucking day there's a new Amazon package.
Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.
The first half hour is free to cheap people.
It's paid for by our sponsors.
I think we have a new sponsor today.
A brand Nubian.
What is it now?
FOP.
Let's try it here.
The FOP Company.
Look up FOPMetals.com.
P-H-A-U-P.
FOP, of course, is a derogatory word for an English aristocrat, Ponce.
But in this case, it's the man's last name, and he's selling silver.
And selling silver, that was a hard sell, even like five years ago.
Now, selling precious metals is perfectly reasonable, and everyone's doing it.
I'm at the point now where I'm pro buying records, cassettes, vinyl, books.
Buy books.
Do not throw out books.
So this is a veteran-owned company.
And the reason I'm holding this coin in my hand here is to show you that it's not BS and this really exists.
I've got the silver here.
Constance is this particular coin.
One Troy ounce, $9.99 fine silver.
I mean, you shouldn't put your entire life savings into precious metals, but wouldn't it make sense to have a little bit here?
So this is a $31 coin, $30.99.
Five years ago, it was about $14.
Really?
Yeah.
So me and Uncle Bill used to trade a lot of silver and you and Unreliabil.
Yeah.
We had a little thing going on with the Chinese.
Ooh, the Chinese.
This was five years ago.
How long you knowing Bill?
What's this?
2022?
13, 7, 9 years?
Huh.
So the FOP Company, veteran-owned, we're showing the website here.
It's Lowland Scottish.
Terrible name, says he.
But it is his name.
Speaking of Scottish, we've got the Scottish national team.
The Scottish national boxing team is in New York right now, wandering around the East Village.
There you go.
Let's give them a call.
These guys have been out kicking the shit out of people in LA.
They're getting ready for the World Championships.
Sorry, European Championships, I guess.
Let's make sure they're safe.
They're fighting on the East Coast?
Yeah.
They're going to be sparring tomorrow.
Hello.
Here he is, Yoraya, Bagman.
Is everything all right?
Did you make it to that?
We're all good, my mom.
We're having that pub one sex night.
I says, you're still at 16.
Is that all right?
Because us.
Oh, that's guy for Sutherland.
That's Suta.
Speak to the security boy.
That's my friend.
All right.
Here you.
Here he is.
You're knowing.
You're knowing the Lord East Side.
You're in fucking Chinatown, by the way.
Hey, listen.
If you come to this bar, you're going to behave yourself.
It's not Scotland.
You fuck around and write the queen a letter and she bail you out.
All right.
Let me tell you something.
I got Babylon closing in on me.
You know, don't try to vex me, so.
Blood clutch.
Oh, we also have a friend down south of the belt border named Captain Farts.
Captain Farts?
He had a good little doot did a loot doot.
So, yeah.
That's our new sponsor, Veteran Owned.
That all counts as one big ad, by the way.
Right?
That's all part of their read.
I guess we have a promo code, Gavin.
5% off with promo code.
That must be promo code Gavin.
Veteran-owned business.
Gird your loins.
You know, I got an interesting letter just to jump ahead here.
We're going to get to the mailbag.
But someone said, because we were talking about the meek shall inherit the earth on the compound censored show.
And they said, I know it sounds like the wimps will run everything soon, but meek in that context in Hebrew, the original Old Testament, means a sheathed sword.
So it kind of means us.
It kind of means patriarchs.
It kind of means guys like me and Maddie and maybe 1% Ryan will be the ones who inherit the earth.
The powerful who hold it back and don't go ballistic like these psychotic lips, which totally changes the general interpretation of the expression because the general interpretation of the expression is the sad nerd in the corner will be the one who takes over when we all kill each other.
Yeah.
But it's not saying that.
I did not know the translation of meek from the Old Testament.
Well, some say the translation of virgin in the Quran with the 72 versions is prunes.
Prunes.
What's that?
Say that again?
I'm not blowing myself up for prunes.
And to be totally fair, I'm not blowing myself up for virgins.
I fucked virgins when I was in high school.
It sucks.
I want a Puerto Rican divorced mom with long tits and bad tattoos.
There you go.
And bunions.
Bunions.
Yeah.
Give me 92 Cardi B's.
We can talk.
That would be a fest.
Imagine that.
Holy shit.
So yeah, Viagra Boys, that's our new hit.
Ain't no thief.
They got a new album out July 8th.
I want to get a little bit serious here for a second, and folks who are just listening to the audio will have to miss out on this.
But I saw something today that someone sent me about someone who works here.
And I want to say that what you're about to see does not represent censored TV.
It's certainly not who I am.
It's definitely not who Maddie is.
We regret that this happened.
We don't support it.
And we are definitely investigating.
We want to find out what happened, why Ryan did this, what his beef is with slugs.
And I want everyone to know that I had no idea this was going on.
And I'm going to make sure as hell you never see anything like this again.
Ryan, do you want to play this?
So this is Ryan Katsu Rivera throwing salt on a giant container of Wrigley slugs.
I mean, killing them.
Do you want to explain what you were doing there?
No.
This is fucking bullshit that my personal shit is aired on this fucking show.
Stupid.
Well, it was sent to me, so you're hurting our brand.
If you want to go murder, are those slugs or snails?
They're slugs.
If you want to murder slugs, you do that on your own time.
I literally did it on my own time.
I don't know how that footage surfaced.
I'm not okay with it.
It's not being shown.
Show it again.
No.
Yes, show it again.
I want everyone to see what it is.
This is what's my personal killing.
With your personal download.
You're going to make me show myself.
You damage our brand.
I'm sitting here trying to be politically correct every day, trying to get vegans on board, and you're fucking murdering little tiny black snakes.
That's my food.
That's what me and my family eat.
It's not fodder for your show.
It's fooder from my family.
Oh, you were preparing a meal?
Yes.
Why else would they be in a pot?
I think I read about a guy who ate a slug on his side.
Who sent this in?
And he died of some weird fungi.
No, that's if you don't cook them right.
Otherwise, they're just a delicious treatment.
Ryan they'll escape if you don't put the why are you making that face when you put the salt on I'm excited.
You seem worried, though, that it's going to splash.
You know that moment like when you're done making a sandwich and you press it down?
Yeah.
You can't wait.
This is me pressing a sandwich down after I'm done the sandwich.
Okay.
And this is the equivalent of me pushing the sandwich down.
You were like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And when I saw this, I thought maybe he should touch up his bangs and shit.
Because when it just hangs down there, it looks really bad.
Also in the news, my Mets bet is fucking on fire.
Oh, I. I'm kicking ass and taking names.
I'm at 625.
The New York Mets are the number two team in the galaxy.
10-4.
I would argue number one.
Because number one is the Dodgers with 9-3.
Isn't 10-4 better than 9-3?
You fought more fights.
I don't know.
Seems like he should be higher up.
So that's fantastic news.
Thank you.
You're welcome for that.
Also, I want to issue a t-shirt challenge to the viewers.
Remember, we were talking about this in Shanghai.
It said there were drones that said, and I want to get this perfect.
Maybe you can look this up.
Control your soul's need for freedom.
Is that correct, Ryan?
That sounds about right.
So I was working on a shirt today.
Your soul's desire for freedom, I think.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Control your soul's desire for freedom.
So I was working on a shirt today that says it in Chinese.
We're going to sell these shirts.
That's awesome.
It'll just have that Chinese print.
And I talked to the guy at the t-shirt place and I said, What's the biggest print you can do?
He goes, You go fucking big.
I think it's.
Let me look it up actually because that'll be part of the parameters.
So fill this shirt as big as you can.
I should probably have prepared graphics for this challenge.
You know?
Where the fuck is he?
Sorry, this isn't very good TV.
But anyway.
We'll listen to Chinese in the meantime.
I want to make a shirt that says that just in Chinese.
No other things.
No logos.
No hammer and a sickle.
No stars.
No nothing.
Just.
What is it now?
Control your soul's desire for freedom.
That's pretty dark.
Yeah.
Control your soul's desire for freedom.
Now, don't go sending us shit that says in Chinese, I like to eat out my mom.
We're obviously going to double-check it.
Don't waste your time with pranks.
But let's go for like this big, right?
So that's like 11 inches, 11 inches by 11 inches.
Leave them.
A square.
A square shirt.
Just text.
So make the text kooky.
I don't know if we want to go crazy.
I don't know.
All I know is the shirt I worked on for like an hour looks like shit.
I was not impressed with Gav's graphic design skills.
I'm happy with this Biden shirt we made that I designed.
But yeah, not super impressed.
But are we positive that's exactly what it says, Ryan?
Right, because is it not your soul, like S-O-U-L?
Your soul's desire, or is it your soul desire?
No, it was your soul's.
I wouldn't be making a t-shirt if it was your soul desire.
For freedom.
This is my favorite thing about this quote: that we have.
What are you doing?
Showing the text here.
Look, just look up Control Your Soul's Desire for Freedom.
Yeah, it's right there in the top.
And you'll have.
Where in the top where?
Yeah, there it is.
Control Your Soul's Desire for Freedom.
You don't need a period if it's in.
Again, no English.
Just make it pure Chinese.
You see them fishing for food?
Holy shit.
They're the drone.
They're drone fishing.
Watch the shot.
The world is changing very fast.
Holy shit.
That poor fish is like, what the fuck is going on?
I'm a bird now?
What happened?
Did I die?
I'm Americans in Shanghai.
Shanghai sucks.
Shit.
You know, I went to Shanghai with David Cross for Vice.
And like all of China, it's disgusting.
Taiwan and China are both the same.
One is communist, one's capitalist.
They're both disgusting, filthy.
You ride your bike around, you check your hands, you wash them.
Everything is soot.
I don't think they have catalytic inverters.
They have fucking ducks hanging outside on their balcony.
It's weird because the economy in Taiwan is the same as here.
But you go to someone's house and it's like there's storage containers in their living room and tile floors everywhere because it's easy to clean.
They're like lizard people.
They're like robots.
Fucking lame.
Although there's no crime.
So if you want a bike, just pick one up and steal it.
There's no locks.
When I lived there, every bike was my bike.
But Shanghai is just as disgusting as everyone else in China.
But it was built overnight.
So they needed a skyline.
They needed skyscrapers.
So they got a bunch of kids out of architecture school and said, build me the kookiest building you got.
I want our skyline to look really cool.
So their skyline is just a high school architect project.
Look up Shanghai Skyline.
It's probably fucking 20 years old at the most.
And it's just this random hodgepodge of, you know, Lego.
Basically a joke.
It's what a kid would do if he had spare time.
Look at these dumb buildings.
They're just made up of fake buildings.
It looks like Sim City.
Yeah.
It's made by nerds.
It looks like Las Vegas, like a fake, like the way fake New York looks like.
Yeah, if you had to make a city in an hour, that's what it would look like.
No culture, no love.
People shitting on the floor, leaving big turds everywhere, putting a hot turtle in a pile of boiling water.
Is that a real image or is that CGI?
You can't even tell.
It is CGI.
It is.
Shanghai is CGI.
You're going to write that down for the title of the episode.
Isn't it amazing how fast this first half hour goes for these freeloaders?
Damn.
Speaking of freeloaders, Beard Vet is also paying for you assholes to not subscribe.
All you have to go to do is to go to censored.tv, pay $10 a month, and you have way more TV than you could possibly watch.
We give you, I give you personally a show every day.
But then there's, we've got the Laura Loomer with the Candace Owens, with DeMilo, we've got the fucking Cornell West, and we have Josh LeCash.
We got Jim Gold every Sunday.
It's difficult to remember all of the shows we have, and everyone gets pissed when I forget them.
So the archives alone are incredible.
And we go through all my other old shows from other networks.
I'm currently compiling everything I own onto this site.
So all this shit, all the sketches I had on YouTube.
And of course, Maddie's shitty little kitchen.
There we go.
By the way, Maddie, someone sent in a letter today.
They said, please make fries.
Fries.
And I just had that same thought.
Yeah, yeah.
I spoke to you earlier.
100%.
People think it's easy.
It's not.
No.
You cut them, you cut them the night before.
Wedges.
You soak them in water to what's that?
You get the starch out?
Yeah, you do the same thing when you make home fries and stuff like that.
Like you cut them into home fries, you would do like size of a dice, cubes, and you soak them overnight.
And that gets the starch out.
Yeah, as often as the mutton stuff, I believe.
I'm not sure like 100% with the technical term.
And then what do you do?
You blanch them.
The fries, you would then take that.
You would just deep fry them.
But you do it twice, sir.
Maybe you shouldn't be doing fries.
You sound like an amateur.
No.
I like some fries.
You love them.
No, you get them, you soak them overnight, then you blanch them and you cook them for a little bit.
Then you take them out.
And then when they're finally ready to eat, you cook them for like five seconds.
Yeah, deep fry them.
Yeah, but twice.
Why?
What's blanching?
Hot water, and then you throw it in the ice.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
That's how we used to do it at the old.
What the fuck?
What would you do?
You soak them.
Like you blanched like vegetables or leaves or stuff like that.
You would take it, put it in boiling water, then take it out and put it in an ice bath.
Yep.
What does that do?
It drops the temperature.
Stops it from further cooking.
Ah.
Oh, I see.
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Thank you, Beard Vet.
And again, you got to buy coffee.
You're buying coffee.
Why not buy it from one of us?
One of our people.
And Beard Vet is one of our people.
All right, let's get to what's really going on here.
The most important thing in the world is, of course, the Johnny Depp divorce hearings.
Is that what this is?
What is the name of this particular rumble in the jungle?
Is it a divorce hearings or is it a criminal case?
I don't know.
We just know they're in court fighting.
We don't know why.
I'm, of course, very close with Amber Heard.
I played her in a movie where I was her boyfriend.
No, I didn't play her in a movie.
I played her boyfriend in a movie.
Look that up, Brian.
Gavin McInnis, Amber Heard, 69ing.
My recollection of working with her was that she's an idiot, a very pretty moron.
And I didn't know who she was when we were shooting.
She just started dating Johnny Depp like that week, and there was paparazzi everywhere coming out of awnings and stuff.
And I was like, who the fuck are they?
What the fuck?
And she goes, oh, that's because of me, probably, because I'm kind of a movie star.
I was like, really?
You're a movie star?
I never heard of you.
I didn't say I hadn't heard of you before, but I didn't.
Yeah, that's it.
One more time.
The hit movie with me and Amber Heard.
Christopher Watkins was in it too.
She was a rock star, and I owned a recording studio, and we used to shtup, but we had moved on.
So I probably should have fucked her, you know, on my off time to make the role more believable.
But I don't think she was very enthusiastic about that level of immersionism.
But anyway, they were shooting pictures of her.
If you look up me and her on images, you can see our scenes together.
I wonder if you could pull that movie and find one.
I'm trying to find, yeah, the actual.
I've never seen it.
No kidding.
Acting is gay.
I got real bored of that shit.
You sit around for 14 hours to work for half an hour, and then what makes it to the screen is 30 seconds to a minute.
No, thank you.
And the money sucks shit, too.
I was going to ask Christopher Walking.
I was going to ask if you remember what scene, but you've never seen the movie.
Yeah, if you find a recording studio, I guess.
She's a singer.
It looks really boring, doesn't it?
Really pretentious.
The problem with a lot of movies, too, is the writers are these LA nerds, Jewish kids who just went to film school and never lived.
So they're writing about relationships and love and heartache and violence and danger.
And you're like, you might as well be from outer space.
Like the guy who wrote Saturday Night Fever, a Jewish dude, he'd never been to the Bronx.
He'd never been to New York.
Just Brooklyn?
He was just like, no, nothing.
He was an LA kid.
And he was like, I'd imagine this is how these fucking WAPs act.
Hey, don't touch the hair.
Hey, what are you doing?
Anyway.
Did I just see Tim Heidegger while clicking through?
I don't know.
He played me in a movie.
So you're in a movie with Christopher Walken.
Yes.
You can say that.
He's a peer of mine.
We're both actors.
Hi, Chris.
Who are you?
I can't do Christopher Walker.
Would it be at the end?
I mean, because I'm all the way at the end, almost.
I don't fucking know, dude.
Well, let's see if you want to see the credits?
No?
Okay.
Look us up in images.
Yeah.
Anyway, sorry.
A way to gavify this story that has absolutely nothing to do with me.
And our scene is like one minute, so I just wasted your time.
But the hearings are going on, and it's becoming evident that she has literally shit the bed.
Oof.
That's pretty bad.
Have you ever shat your bed, Maddie?
No.
Never.
Not even a little drop of, you know, when you're really in a bender and you have that fluorescent bile, that yellow.
No, I've never, I don't think I ever shit the bed.
No.
That sort of.
You know that stuff?
Well, that would be feces.
No, but when you shit in the toilet and you go, oh, I got to go.
And then just a teaspoon of yellow bubbles comes out and you're like, ever heard of poo, asshole?
I can't say that I have.
Yeah, so she's been exposed as shitting the bed, which obviously that doesn't mean that she regularly shits the bed.
What it means is they were going on fucking insane benders.
And I have a theory about this.
Hunter S. Thompson loved his drugs and loved his booze.
But here's where it gets controversial.
Not more than us when we were really partying.
But because he's an auteur, he would totally fucking exaggerate his intake.
Or he would take his craziest day and pretend it was his rigmarole.
And so Johnny Depp is an idiot.
Everyone who's an actor is a moron.
That's how they can sit around for 14 hours and generate one minute of content.
We have the opposite here.
We sit around for two hours and we generate 14 hours of content.
So he met Hunter Thompson.
He played him in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
And he became consumed.
He's like a, Johnny Depp is an empty vessel.
And when he meets people, he just becomes them.
So he met Hunter Thompson and he was like, I'm going to become Hunter Thompson.
Even when he's with Shane McGowan, he gets this sort of slurry Irish accent.
It's fucking embarrassing, dude.
So if you go to, well, first of all, let's see, let's start with one, three, where he's in the courtroom with Amber.
I hate that I don't see the URLs here.
You lost memory last night of kicking me out the door with the fucker hitting me.
And your memory is gone from you kicking the bathroom door and hitting me in the skull that was bent down.
Mean the skull, if you have those memory uh uh fucking, you know divots upset.
There was a lot going on and I was on an ambient like why?
Why are you obsessing over the fact I can't remember?
Because i'm recording you, because I don't want you to sue me later talking about that.
What I want.
Here's the moral of the story.
Guys record everything.
I don't care if you're in the most bucolic marriage in history, if your wife or your girlfriend is acting like a fucking lunatic, get it on tape.
Alex Jones told me that many years ago.
Write it down.
Documentation.
Because no matter how good you are, something could fuck up really bad.
And you better have proof that you're not a fucking psycho.
Is this us?
That's not me.
Somebody told me you're, it's like a minute 35.
Okay, they don't know what you look like, or maybe I'm wrong.
Oh, there you go.
There we go.
He's right.
Hi.
Holy shit, she is alive.
We can stop calling the hospitals in the morgue now.
Sorry.
Let's do it again.
Smooth chance, 96.3 the way.
Next, Q103.
What's that?
Kristen Rock.
This one goes Q103, the rock.
You punch rock, and then you do la D D D on salvation.
Go.
Q103, the rock of salvation.
That would give Jesus a boner.
So you wrote your own line.
I did that line, yeah.
That literally is just.
Wait, keep going.
I'm enjoying this.
This is my favorite subject.
Me.
We'll watch the movie then.
Are you in this scene?
Yeah, I think we're walking down the street.
Unless they cut it.
Rocking down the street.
Ah, fuck.
They cut it.
Maybe they did.
We had a conversation on the Strazites.
Damn.
Look up Gavin McKinnis Amber Heard.
I looked it up in the limit.
There's not us walking down the street.
No, no.
Maybe it's been deleted from the internet.
Anyway, let's get back to their trial.
Now that you know that we're friends.
It's not to get you mad.
It's not to get it's just to get out of a bad situation while it's happening.
You know what's funny too?
I've seen tons of footage of him too.
They're both secretly recording each other during this entire shit marriage.
And here's what happened.
Johnny Depp married a beautiful French woman.
I forget her name, Vanessa Paradise.
She became not young anymore, which happens.
I'm not sure if you're familiar with how time works, but she became imperfect.
Still very attractive, but sorry, 45, 50, whatever.
And so he went, ew, gross.
Like in husbands and wives when Judy Davis says, men, they love you till you show your age.
Then they want to trade you in for a younger model.
That is true of celebrities, not the rest of us, but sure, celebrities do that.
I guess because they can.
I didn't break up with her because of her looks.
We had irreconcilable differences and we didn't see the world together in the same sort of divot.
She's the mother of your children.
And did Amber Heard, did she provide you with some sort of like view of the world that you shared?
She's a child, a retarded child.
I met her.
I was in a movie with her.
She's an imbecile.
Well, that's actually kind of what got me into in the first place.
I said, you know, she's in the movie with one of my favorite people, Gavin McInnes.
Thank you.
That's what got me into.
We're both hunks, I guess, because of the hunk community.
That's right.
No, meetings at Disney, I would always ask him, I said, you should get this great guy, Gav McInnish.
He's always drunk, too, so it's like he's method acting.
So he dumped his chick in France because she got old.
And he fucked Amber Heard, just like Nicholas Cage with his weird little Japanese children that he fucks.
Sorry, lawyers, I mean like young Japanese adult women.
And then you come maybe more than once, right?
Maybe you fuck them for three days.
Like five days.
Maybe they bring home a chick too and you're like, this is me.
I'm good.
Vanessa Paradise never wanted to fuck.
But then three days go by.
You miss your kids and you're like, what the fuck have I done?
Big mistake.
So then you go, well, I recall Hunter Thompson talking about his regimen.
And we have it here.
It's 1-7.
Hunter Thompson claims that his regimen was wake up at 3.
Dunhills are cigarettes, right?
Yep.
Chivus Regal, Chivus Regal, whatever that is.
It's probably like a brandy or something.
I'm not forget.
Yeah, I think it's kind of like a cognac, maybe.
Okay, so you had a tiny shot, like in the littlest little shot glass.
345 cocaine.
Now, when he says cocaine, it could be a bump.
Possibly.
Another glass of Chivus.
I don't believe you.
Coffee, 415, cocaine, orange juice, cocaine, cocaine, cocaine, cocaine.
These could all be bumps.
This could all be little toots magoots, which is just like holidays in Costa Rica.
Margarita.
Holiday in Costa Rica.
Cocaine, 545, grass to edge the day.
Woody Creek Tavern for lunch.
Heineken, two margaritas.
Coleslaw, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Carrot.
Have you pulled this up yet?
Yeah.
Nine starts snorting cocaine seriously.
Now that could just be going from bumps to lines.
And they could still be small lines.
Drops acid at 10.
I'm willing to accept this happened once.
Maybe twice.
This is not your daily routine, dude.
You do not do cocaine and booze all day and then hit the acid at 10 p.m.
10 p.m. or 10 p.m.
Like clockwork.
10 p.m.
This whole thing starts at 3 p.m.
Oh chartreuse, cocaine, grass, cocaine, midnight.
Hunter Thompson is ready to write bull shit.
I don't know if you ever typed after like five beers.
It's impossible.
12 to 6 a.m.
I've always said that cops, if they want to catch a writer on the highway, don't do a breathalyzer.
Just give him a typewriter.
I've done it a million times.
You're like, boop, bop, beep, bop, boop.
It sucks.
It's impossible.
So no, he does not start writing at midnight after fucking nine hours of getting wasted.
But this was a well-publicized little fucking recipe that Hunter Thompson put out.
And a lot of guys, especially morons, went, that's fucking cool.
That's basically me, man.
I'm going to start doing that.
He's a genius in many ways.
It's very funny.
He had Fettuccine Alfredo, which is the one thing I couldn't get down with lactose intolerant.
So Johnny Depp there, who we just spoke to, started doing that.
He would wake up and have four lines.
Dude, you wake up and do four fucking lines.
I don't care if it's 2022 Coke, 1970s Coke.
That's a trajectory that is going to go lots of booze, lots and lots of booze to help you get down, and it's going to burn out in the next few hours.
That's what the Shiva's Regal is for.
When you have the service regal, it balances out the code.
And I've heard even crazier things where he talks about, like you read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and he's like doing 10 Xanax and four Percocet and you're like, no, you're not.
You're lying.
You're taking a relatively kooky weekend.
You're making it your everyday, and you're multiplying everything by about four.
That's my point.
But Johnny Depp didn't catch that.
He was just like, I got to bring up my tolerance.
So go back to the first one.
We got that.
Did we finish that?
We did not.
It's 11 minutes, but we're not doing this.
You could do.
I wish we had her shitting the bed.
Oh, I have a clip of that.
Oh, good.
I'll find that.
This is the savage moments that I didn't court.
Let me ask you a different question, Mr. Depp.
Let's let him object to another one.
Conversation with Ms. Hurd.
Let's move beyond the conversation that Kevin...
All right, that's annoying.
Ms. Hurt.
Yeah, that is fucking.
This is him talking about the shit on the bed.
Oh, there we go.
Money shot.
It's the perfect time.
She's not going to be home for two days.
And then he showed me a photograph on his telephone of objection, Your Honor.
Also, you're saying.
It's a photograph, Your Honor.
As being relayed to him by Mr. Bett.
He says he looked at it on his phone.
I'll rule the objection as the photograph.
What was the photograph of, Mr. Depp?
Shit.
Dookie.
It was a splash of feces.
It was a photograph of the bed.
Our bed.
And on my side of the bed was human fecal matter.
I was wondering what words he was going to use.
Yeah, I was trying to figure out how he was going to describe it.
I understood why it wasn't a good time to go down there.
I was close to saying number two.
So I thought it was she shit the bed because she was so wasted, but she purposely defecated on his side as a fuck you.
I'll show you motherfucker.
Yeah, she like an animal would shit, you know, to mark their territory.
She shit on the bed to say, you know, this is mine.
You know, I thought I'd been sleeping with a piece of shit this whole time, so I wasn't really too shocked.
Have you ever shit the bed, Ryan?
I've never shit the bed, no.
I have.
Oh my god, I have.
When I was a kid.
I was a kid, but it was a full turd, and I had my underwear on.
But all the questions are for adults.
Understood.
Did you ever piss your diaper?
I had my underwear.
Did you ever barf all over your onesie?
I woke up with my underwear on, but the turd was outside of my underwear, so it's almost like somebody had planted it there.
And what age is this?
Like six or seven years old.
That's part of this show.
Well, it's too old to shit a bed, really.
No, it's not really that nuts.
I think I was friend.
Okay.
I shot the bed in Jamaica recently.
Maybe like two years ago.
I think it's the only time I shit the bed.
But I thought I had a fart, and then I looked down, and we've been parting very hard.
And there was that little yellow neon plasma.
It's hard to get out.
It's like butt bile.
Yeah, it's like someone broke a fluorescent marker.
At least it's not somebody highlighted this part of the bed.
It must be really important.
All right, that's enough of the freeloaders.
We're going to get to the letters page.
We're going to start taking calls.
We're going to put up the live chat.
We have so many different venues to speak to our people on the Thursday Night Live shows.
We've got the letters page, which I went through all day and only reading the cream of the crop.
We have the calls that come in, 718 something, something.
We have the live stream where people pay money, five bucks to $100.
$100 is definitely getting ready.
Some of them just go on the screen.
And 100% of that money goes to Max and John, our buddies in prison, for fighting Antifa for 17 seconds, four years for that.
So we want them to have a nice nest egg when they get out.
And then there's also the various rocket chats on the site, censored.tv.
That's right.
Look at that.
Four different ways.
That you can interact.
To interact.
With the family, because we're like a family here together on censor.tv.
And one little minor rule, guys.
When you call, you get one thing, okay?
Not while I have you on the line.
No.
You know why?
Because through trial and error, we have learned that the second thing always sucks.
It's always like, blah, blah, blah.
Do you guys think that we'll go to war with Russia?
What would happen if we did?
We discussed that.
And then, wait, one, one last thing.
Has Maddie ever had a mohawk?
What?
Shut the fuck up.
Goodbye.
Have you?
Yeah, in like ninth grade.
Okay.
Dr. Knockers, that's your shirt.
You just went into fucking Google Translate.
And that's not even the saying.
It's much longer than that.
Copy and paste it and see.
Wow.
Thanks for helping out, guys.
Anyway, so please go to censor.tv.
$10 a month.
That's like two beers a month, depending where you live, depending how the economy is with you.
And you get more entertainment than you could possibly handle, and you'll never watch anything else.
We cover everything that those other people cover.
We're going to talk about the guy who was terrorizing Mike Tyson and got his ass kicked.
So it's not like you miss anything.
You don't need any other site but censored.tv.
And we talk to you the way we talk to our friends at the bar, which is brutally honest.
Oh, is that what he did?
He did a trick?
So yeah, until we see you again, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Subscribers, stay tuned.
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