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Oct. 8, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:11:56

GOML LIVE #118 - WASTED AND ON COKE

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	From New York, it's Get Money One with Kevin McGuinness.
	That was every ACDC song ever written.
	They are all exactly the same.
	With few exceptions.
	I mean, Thunderstruck, that was pretty recent, right?
	That one's different.
	For those about to rock, Hell's Bells, Highway to Hell, Dirty Deeds.
	They got a lot of fucking hits.
	I've Got Big Balls.
	I've Got Big Balls.
	But when you put on, like, for those about to rock, when you put on the album, you have to sometimes double check that the songs changed.
	Yeah.
	Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
	Welcome back, Maddie O'Dell.
	What's up, everybody?
	Back from the grave.
	Yes, sir.
	Didn't die.
	You know, it took its toll.
	It's been hasn't been the best, but it's not the worst.
	Are you fully recovered now?
	I still have a little fluid in my right lung.
	Can you, like, do you feel 100%?
	Like I said, like, after sleeping all night, like, when I get up in the morning, I feel a little fluid in there, and I got to get up and start moving around and hack up a little bit.
	Huh.
	But it's pretty common with the procedure.
	Okay, so you're good to go.
	And Brian, you feel good?
	Yeah, I feel great.
	What'd to see you?
	We noticed you lost the only interesting thing that you've ever done, which is have a mullet.
	And he shaved.
	This is a filter.
	No mustache.
	Yeah, that's true.
	Yeah, my wife was like, I have a brand new husband.
	I was like, well, what do you think?
	She's like, you look like a child.
	He's a really, you look like a prodigy.
	You look like a 12-year-old who goes to Harvard.
	And yeah, yeah, and I'm lending my skills to produce.
	I'm an intern.
	You look like there's a bunch of guys trying to figure out who work at Raytheon and are trying to figure out why this drone is flying sideways, the one that's headed to Saudi Arabia to kill our enemies.
	And then you show up and you're super shy because you're on the spectrum.
	And you go, maybe it's not nothing to do with the interface.
	Maybe this is just the actual propellers.
	I'm the guy in the movie where they go to the guy like, I know a guy.
	And then it's like, mom.
	Like I'm in the basement, but a prodigy.
	Like that movie I just saw recently, it wasn't recent actually, where they go to Mars.
	I think it was The Martian?
	No, it was later than that.
	And they're like, I don't know what to do.
	We got this.
	We're trying to go to Mars.
	We got to get back and they're going to die of old age.
	And we need a brilliant scientist.
	You know, the smartest guy in the world.
	And then it's like.
	Hi, I'm the This Is America rapper.
	What?
	Oh, it's him?
	Donald.
	Donald Glover or whatever his name is?
	And he's like, I don't know, 13?
	No, I guess he's 30 in the movie.
	But like, ah, Yuve, every fucking...
	Look, I'm sorry we keep talking about racism on this show, but it's up our noses.
	Like this fucking shooter.
	School shooter.
	Remember Columbine?
	You sure do.
	You'll never forget it.
	This guy comes in, shoots up a school.
	The takeaway is, I don't know.
	I mean, he was under a lot of pressure.
	He was being bullied.
	Now he's out on bail.
	And the story is leaving the news.
	Sorry.
	So he shot up a school.
	Why are we playing the blame game?
	I saw some tweet.
	I could send it to you where this woman goes, I will send it to you.
	She goes, he's just a baby.
	I feel sorry for his parents.
	Imagine what they're going through, having a son who tried to murder a bunch of people?
	That must be so stressful for them.
	God forbid.
	How about if he had a fucking MAGA hat on?
	How long would that story be staying in the fucking news?
	I just sent it to you.
	Speaking of MAGA hats, I am very happy to announce new shirts.
	Now, everyone is making these shirts.
	It's going to become the motto of 2021.
	But our shirts are better than everyone else's shirts.
	And I'm going to make it a, it's a bumper sticker too.
	So go down, go.
	Oh, yeah, you got it.
	He's just a baby.
	My heart goes out to his parents and the school.
	These kids need guidance, not a jail cell.
	Help these kids.
	My heart breaks for everyone.
	He's 18 and shot four people.
	He's not a baby.
	He didn't have to do a baby deed.
	He didn't do a baby deed.
	This goes back to a joke I used to do with my buddy Marcus in college and tree planting mostly.
	Actually, he never went to college, but I was of that age.
	And we'd go, oh, the Zulus are killing the Hulus who are attacking the Hootsies who are killing the Tutsis.
	Oh, my heart bleeds for Africa.
	She's doing our guy.
	Our joke is her reality.
	But yeah, speaking of Trump, check out our new shirts.
	Let's go, Brandon.
	I don't have a physical copy with me or I'd be wearing it.
	I got a new McPuter and I want to put the sticker on that.
	But go to our shop, Ryan.
	Do you know about this even?
	No.
	Aren't they beautiful?
	That is nice.
	That's retro and nice.
	And NASCAR.
	I've seen a lot of people doing the shirts and they just write, let's go, Brandon.
	That ignores the impetus.
	And our buddy, I don't know if he wants us to say his name.
	We'll call him Mike.
	He made the O and E. Now, this guy's a fucking Mexican.
	Oh, gotcha.
	And he's that good at graphic design and that smart.
	Brilliant.
	So stop shitting on Mexicans all the time.
	At least one of them is talented.
	They are, they're not setting their best, but we have their best.
	We hire the exceptions to the rule.
	We Have the one good Mexican in the world.
	And it comes in black.
	Now, the fun thing about black is it's a totally different color scheme.
	Not totally different, but uh-oh.
	We don't have a preview for the main page.
	Yeah, go back a page.
	Right there.
	Well, that's the sticker, but that will tell you everything you need to know.
	No, click on the sticker.
	Okay.
	So go back.
	Yeah, click on that.
	So it's white text.
	That is a good look.
	It makes the blue and the red pop.
	Absolutely.
	That's kind of fierce.
	I like that.
	I saw this 1982 M-Series BMW that I want to get.
	It's $12,000, $100,000 miles.
	My son wrecked his.
	You're kidding me.
	Sent me a video the other day.
	It's completely totaled.
	Yeah.
	Dude.
	He said the steering shaft snapped or something.
	I was like, hmm.
	Well, that's the end of that.
	You're not going to get a new steering shaft.
	You want to know how fast you were going or where.
	That boy of yours, it's constantly getting into all kinds of.
	I don't know where he gets it from.
	I called him today.
	I said, what are you doing about the car?
	It's already sold.
	Sold already.
	I go, how much do you get for it?
	He goes, a lot more than I paid for it.
	Really?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, was that the one he got the crazy deal on?
	That was like.
	It's a quarterly discount.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I heard they take a lot of these cars, like the flood cars, and they auction them off and they sell them in Saudi Arabia.
	And these third world countries will rebuild.
	What they call salvage titles in there.
	That puts a little...
	Not that they're not worthy of driving or anything, but the values decreased.
	Well, you should see this 1982 beast.
	It's just from up the road in, I don't know, B word, New York.
	But I was just thinking, the reason I bring it up is, yeah, that's what it looks like.
	But you can't...
	That's exactly what it looks like.
	And it's black.
	You can't put bumper stickers on that, right?
	No.
	That wasn't a thing in 1982.
	Yeah, when did the bumper stickers come out?
	It feels like a 90s thing.
	People think they're gay, but I think they make it easy to find your car.
	We had bumper stickers all over my mother's station wagon growing up.
	Yeah.
	Look at that fucking beauty they just showed.
	They.
	Ryan.
	Those are my pronouns.
	How the fuck can we not have that back again?
	Why is this such a crazy...
	I honestly feel like a faggot in 1950.
	And I'm like, can you not suck one cock?
	How could you guys be so obsessed with pussies?
	They look like an alien's face.
	Don't you want dicks?
	Look how gorgeous dicks are.
	I honestly feel like that.
	Nothing, Vaddie?
	Yeah, I mean, listen, I feel the same way about motorcycles.
	I love motorcycles.
	But there's still beautiful motorcycles.
	Oh, yeah.
	There's still like modern Harleys that look like they're from 1950.
	Like, motorcycles have expanded to the crotch rocket thing, right?
	Which your triumph is kind of, like a Japanese-looking thing.
	No offense.
	But they've still maintained the range.
	And there's still like beautiful Moto Goozies.
	What do you call those things?
	That's a brand.
	They're fucking beautiful.
	So there's still beautiful classic bikes, but there's no beautiful classic cars that are being made.
	And they say, oh, no, they're bringing back the muscle car.
	I don't know.
	Those things look like I could break them with my hand.
	Like the new Challenger and all those things.
	I don't know.
	They lack the fucking gigantitude of the original Mopars where you're like, if I get hit by this, I'm dust.
	We should take a moment to.
	We're in free time here.
	The way the show should go on these free episodes is, welcome back to the show.
	Welcome back, Maddie.
	We introduce everyone.
	Don't talk about the music.
	Don't talk about a car you saw for sale and jump right into the sponsors.
	Today's sponsors are Tactical Walls built in America, a company run by a vet, the only way to show your guns, the only way to show your artillery.
	Beautiful stuff.
	And this is only the tip of the iceberg with Tactical Walls.
	And by the way, when you use promo code Gavin15, you get 20% off.
	Not 2%, 2-0% off.
	And the beauty of Tactical Tim and his fortitude and his creativity is if you live in a shithole cunt city like New York, they still have cool stuff.
	They have tactical walls for sports.
	Tactical wall.
	We have tactical walls in our studio.
	Ryan puts his crap on the wall, on his tactical walls.
	In the front, we can't show you with a camera angle, but we have...
	Oh my God, you look like you're on Netflix's love on the spectrum.
	I want a girlfriend.
	My name is Ryan.
	I like girls very much, but I also like trains way more.
	I collect Thomas the Tank Engine, and I want to meet a girl that I can collect trains with.
	Perhaps her name will be Lucy.
	My mom's been teaching me how to smile and not make too much eye contact.
	I watched it last night, and one of the unfortunate things about being over 50 is you become a crybaby.
	And I was crying for a large part of it, especially this girl who reminded me of my daughter.
	And she's just like, you look at these people that are just not compatible.
	Like there's racism and transphobia and sexism.
	That's all bullshit.
	Those people are invited to society.
	Autistic people are not.
	And inevitably, they go on a date and they get along great, of course.
	They're both Autistic.
	And I almost feel like it's divine intervention.
	God will get in their head and go, you are just friends.
	And they'll go, how'd the date go?
	Oh, it went fantastic.
	I had a great time.
	Will you be seeing her again?
	No, we are just friends.
	It's like God is like, nah, nah, I'm not making more of these.
	We already have too many.
	I'm sorry, that's a horrible eugenics thing to say, but that's the vibe I get.
	It's every single fucking time.
	They fall in love.
	The date goes great.
	She can't draw.
	And oh, look, there's Ryan.
	Yeah, I am.
	Because she's nice.
	What will you and the girlfriend do together?
	Together.
	She will get pregnant by accident and we will get married.
	Yeah.
	What else do girlfriends and boyfriends do?
	They get married after you get pregnant and then after you get the ring.
	Oh, that's about me?
	No, it was not an accident.
	I told her to get off birth control.
	Hugs and kisses.
	A man who wants a baby does that.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	When we go on our first date with somebody.
	My boss abuses me.
	She's like, wait a sec.
	He's just Asian.
	There's nothing wrong with him.
	He's in regulation.
	But it's new.
	There's a whole new series on Netflix now.
	Nice.
	It's gut-wrenching.
	It is a roller.
	If you have, if you're an empath, like most fucking strong males are, oh, God, it rips your guts out.
	And when your guts get ripped out, you want to go to tacticalwalls.com, build a mod wall, and hang your entrails where your M16 used to be.
	So go to tacticalwalls.com, promo code Gavin.
	That's the longest tangent we've ever had in a commercial.
	And thank you, Tactical Walls, for supporting the show.
	Back to the spooky background.
	I fought a cop today and a fireman.
	Huey?
	Yep.
	Every night.
	Fighting Huey is like fighting, it's like a giant.
	You're not fighting him.
	It's like when your kids fight their dad on mommy's bed.
	And it's just like, I want to...
	If I can get one in.
	But what he'll do is, like, my only thing I can do is hide down low, hit you in the belly, and then hope an overhand right connects to something I can't even see.
	So my head's down too.
	So he'll just go, whack, and thump me so hard on the top of the head, I can feel my spine go, like an accordion.
	And then I'll look up as I'm passing out and he'll go, don't put your head down.
	Don't put your head down.
	Now, is that sparring someone or is that working with a helper?
	He wasn't exactly sweating.
	Don't put your head down and don't close your eyes.
	Sounds like that was a huge mistake.
	But the cop, I think he might be better than me, but we're in the same universe at least.
	But he's fucking 300 pounds.
	So what he does when he gets tired is he goes on top of me.
	Smothers you.
	And dude, like on a video game, I could see I'm in green and I could just see the health go down to a third instantly.
	It's magic.
	I was re-watching the Deontay Wilder fight with Tyson Fury getting ready for this Saturday.
	And as I was watching, and I noticed my archenemy was in the audience.
	You have hurt me today.
	Oh, you got to get that on your phone.
	I send that clip out to everyone who, if someone doesn't get back to me within 10 minutes of a text, I'm like, you have hurt me.
	You have hurt me today.
	It's so much better than a GIF because it's got audio.
	Like I was, I'm alone in the studio.
	If anyone wants to kill me, by the way, these are the days.
	Wednesday morning and Thursday, because Ryan's too lazy to come in and do any actual video.
	It's quiet.
	Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.
	So I'm texting my wife, and I'm like, I'm alone in the studio if you're anywhere near the Bronx Aruno and you want to come in wearing like high heels and a trench coat and nothing else.
	In the sense that...
	And then just silence.
	Not even no.
	Just like, so then I get to send, you have hurt me today.
	How can we do, not monetize per se, but get nap?
	We should have a thing on the site where you can download all these to your phone.
	And then you can say that someone's hurt you today.
	Maddie was hurt today.
	You lost a friend.
	Yesterday, unfortunately.
	Good friend of mine, Joey.
	Rest in peace.
	Ride in peace, brother.
	I can't even tell you how many great times.
	Sad to hear about his passing.
	You know, my heart goes out to your family, your brothers, your mother, your father, your wife.
	Now, when a biker dies, your brain goes, oh, it was probably all the partying and the meth and the shooting and all that stuff.
	You got some underlying health issues.
	I don't know all the particulars, but.
	Well, I have a theory.
	I think bikers are social creatures, right?
	Like Chuck Zito said, I blew my marriage because I was out at the clubhouse all the time hanging out with the guys and I wasn't spending time with my daughter and my wife.
	So I hereby officially believe that bikers have a network of like 400 very close friends.
	And you don't fall out with them because bikers are all about loyalty and stuff.
	Like I've fallen out with all my vice friends and all that shit.
	So I've had several generations of friends that are gone.
	But bikers will stick together.
	Even if you're kicked out of the club, you have the like brothers forever meetups.
	So when you hang out with a biker, you go, holy shit, man, your friends are dropping like flies, but it's because they have so many friends.
	Yeah.
	I've been to a lot of funerals.
	Because if it's not heroin and so it's like sepsis and cancer and an aneurysm, that just means you've got a lot of friends.
	That's my theory.
	Anyway, did you get that picture I sent you?
	Let's see.
	So I'm watching Deontay Wilder and Tyson Fury from last year, the one where he got him in the ear.
	And I think what happened in this fight is He punched Deontay Wilder so hard that it created a vacuum.
	And when he pulled the glove away, his eardrum basically fell out.
	He had blood pouring out of his ear the whole fight.
	And then, with no eardrum, no equilibrium, he couldn't stand.
	So he wasn't really knocked out.
	He was just like in a crazy kitchen.
	The ring was going like this.
	So I'm watching it again because it's on because everyone's excited about this Saturday, which we're not going to film, by the way.
	It's distracting.
	I can't enjoy the fight when we're trying to entertain you.
	But check this out.
	There's Shane Smith in the second row.
	And I don't recognize anyone he's with, but whenever the camera is on that particular side, there he is.
	He's got these puffy eyes that us Irish get when we drink for three days straight.
	But also they're white.
	Like Trump's got that too.
	Around the eyes white.
	I think that's just the, no, that's just the TV.
	But I think what's happened, those seats are not available to buy.
	So I think what's happened here, the guy's blown so many millions of dollars on blackjack.
	I heard he emptied his entire fortune playing blackjack.
	You just had to sell that big, but $40 million house he got there?
	It's weird to, it's like, I don't mind if you think you're good at poker, but if you think you're good at blackjack, you're good at coin tosses.
	It's sorry.
	You can't be good at blackjack.
	But he's a great salesman, and salesmen have selective memory.
	So when they're out selling and nine people say, fuck you, I don't want vice.
	It sucks.
	That just dissolves into the air.
	It's a talent I don't have.
	Someone says something I'm working on sucks, I want to close their throat.
	And that's why I could never do sales because I'd be like, hey, you want to get involved in censor.tv?
	No.
	Well, fuck you.
	Get what you fucking deserve.
	Footage of Gavin after he, no, thank you.
	My dad had the same problem.
	He retired from his business and they started a company called GKL, Gavin Kyle Lorraine, me, my brother, my mother.
	And he would do, he had all the clients.
	He'd been doing, building fucking military shit his whole life.
	And he would go out and try to get contracts and they'd say, oh, I don't know, Jim.
	I don't know if we're going to do that.
	And he would just go, see you all fucking body.
	So hello.
	Company tanked in like a couple months.
	It's too sensitive.
	But anyway, so I think Shane has selective memories.
	He thinks he's good at blackjack.
	And he probably spent so many millions that wherever that was, I forget where it was in Las Vegas.
	They're like, let's put our whales.
	This is the whale section.
	The people that have spent $10 million.
	$10 million.
	Yeah.
	They get a special section, five seats each, whatever you want.
	Hey, wait a minute.
	The guy with the beard behind him looks like that dude who is like ex-military, who has all those chicks on his Instagram where he's got like 19 girlfriends.
	Oh, he's all tatted up.
	He's all tatted up.
	He's about working out and get pussy.
	He's married now.
	That's Matt Best.
	Matt Best?
	That might be Matt Best behind him.
	Could be.
	Who's your money on for this Saturday with Wilder and Fury rematch?
	Fury.
	Yeah, I have a go.
	It's got to be Fury.
	He's an Irish traveler.
	He's a fucking gypsy.
	You know what age they start fighting?
	Negative four months.
	Their embryos fight.
	Take it blows in the stomach.
	The only thing tougher than an Irish traveler is a gay Irish traveler.
	Because they get beaten by their fathers for being gay the second they fucking say, show tunes don't suck.
	All right, our second sponsor for the show before we leave you is JohnnyAppleCBD.com.
	CBD.
	These guys have been with us since day one.
	Use promo code Gavin.
	You get 20% off.
	Now, POT, we assume, is a drug that hippies take to have orgies and go to rallies, foment revolution.
	And then someone took the THC out of it and they went, actually, the high part is just the tip of the iceberg.
	It actually is as magic as these weirdo hippies with the hemp pants say.
	This is totally legal weed with no THC.
	And we've discovered that there's all kinds of magical properties.
	Come on, now, dog.
	No, really.
	Come on, man.
	I'm serious.
	Whatever that guy's name is.
	And we discovered his name recently, right?
	Lil Boozy.
	Little Boozy?
	The CBD.
	You put that on your joints after working out too hard, sore muscles.
	Magically, the pain goes away.
	You put some of it in your coffee.
	Again, this is not pot.
	It's potless pot.
	You put the tincture in your coffee, in your drink, in your tea.
	All of a sudden, the anxiety is gone.
	The gummies at night, you start worrying about your life.
	Oh, no, what if I get sued?
	People are trying to kill me.
	My late night evenings are probably a little more intense than yours, but you don't have to worry about credible death threats the FBI warned you about.
	But the gummies take that away.
	That's their only time.
	And then there's all kinds of shit I haven't even tried yet.
	Like I've tried the tinctures, the gummies, the CBD ointment, the topical cream.
	You know, my wife was wearing stilettos one night when we went out and I was like, finally, I've been begging you to do this forever.
	Are you going to start wearing them around the house?
	And she's like, I put CBD on my feet.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on, yeah.
	And she was dancing around like she was wearing Nikes, Nikes, which is short, obviously, for the long-term name, Nichael.
	I ruined the joke by saying long-term name.
	What's that?
	Say that again?
	I think I'm getting drunk, folks.
	I'm going to come.
	The jokes are losing their edge.
	So yeah, jacbd.com, johnnyapple.com.
	They both work.
	Promo code Gavin, 20% off.
	Topicals, cartridges, vapes.
	You've tried the vape, right?
	How does that make you feel?
	I like the tinctures more because I'm picky about my vapes.
	It'd be funny if you went really shitty, I puked.
	And I grew tits.
	Oh, So we don't endorse that.
	No, it was.
	No, the vape is okay, but really where it's at for me, by the way, they have a new vape.
	I'm going to be if we the ad guy can send one to us.
	But look at this: no buttons.
	You just inhale and relax.
	Oh, fun.
	But I like the tinctures.
	They taste good.
	It's like an oil type thing, and it comes on really quick.
	You hold it in the bottom of your mouth for a little bit, and you feel like relaxed, like good.
	But last question.
	When you're at your university and you're at a party and girls are drunk and they're flirting with you and they make out with you, isn't that pedophilia?
	Isn't that illegal?
	Because you're 12?
	You're saying because I look young that any sort of act of sexuality towards me would then be...
	Well, you're going to one of the most prestigious Ivy League schools in the country and you're 12.
	I'm 32 years old.
	I just look younger because I shaved my mustache.
	Oh, I didn't even notice that.
	That's another thing.
	You didn't notice that?
	You dipped your head in uncool sauce.
	No, it's very cool.
	Like a fucking piece of onion and you came out shitty and boring.
	It's cool up here.
	Piece of onion.
	I don't like looking like a regular Asian, but let me tell you what.
	Growing my poof that you hate so much, I'm going to get it back, but you have to start from zero.
	You can't just get it.
	No, I know what you're saying.
	I was growing it out because I wanted to have this Pendleton look this winter.
	But I'd have to put so much grease in my fro that my glasses were covered in grease, and they'd be slipping out of my hands.
	And then the beard, I was always playing with it.
	It didn't feel like a man.
	You feel like a man when you have too much shit on your hands.
	Remember Ty Richards?
	He had beautiful locks that made him look like a rock star.
	He was a lock star.
	Yeah.
	I don't call men with long hair beautiful, but I get you.
	Gorgeous.
	And he cut it all because he was like, you know, shampooing and conditioning your hair and like drying it and combing it.
	It's fucking gay.
	Well, it's like...
	I have six kids.
	We don't irrationally hate man buns.
	We hate that you're carrying something around, a hairy fanny pack on your head, that you could easily just go shh.
	Like if something's in your way, you don't put it in a bun.
	Right.
	You cut it off.
	So I did it.
	All right.
	And you did it.
	Yeah, but you lost your fun.
	You got to do something kooky, dude.
	I got muscles.
	The muscles throw in a whole new realm.
	Let's see your guns.
	Watch out, everybody.
	Can I have a good tax tuna today?
	Today.
	Because I worked out today.
	My tax looked pretty big.
	But I'm not done yet.
	All right.
	I hope this doesn't discourage anyone from subscribing to Censored.tv who has been listening to it.
	A lot of people say that guy's on Coke when he does the show and he's fucking up and he's on math and blah, blah, blah.
	This is one of the only episodes where we actually were on Coke.
	So most of the time when you say that, it's just because we had a large coffee.
	I don't think it's that different.
	In fact, as far as the jokes not landing, I would blame my attorney, Mr. Booze, here and his sidekick, Bourbon.
	But please subscribe to censored.tv.
	We've got a lot of stuff coming in the fall.
	Some exciting stuff I can't tell you about right now until it's confirmed.
	But new contributors.
	When we started this show out, it was just me.
	And it was an hour and 20 minutes a day, four days a week.
	Now, there's at least four or five hours of shows every single fucking day.
	We have, I don't even know, 25, 30 different shows on, and it's still 10 bucks a month.
	It's still a beer and a shot a month.
	Actually, today I went to our local.
	I got a bud, and he opens me up another one.
	I'm like, dude, I got to go.
	I got to do the show.
	He's like, ah, shit.
	All right.
	I'll give this to Joe Tonelli.
	And then I go, can I do a shot of Fireball before I leave?
	He's like, yeah, sure.
	And then he goes, just give me $13, whatever.
	Did you realize Fireballs are $8?
	I was about to walk out with $5 as my bill.
	I did one little thing of fucking cough syrup that's available at CVS.
	I don't even think it's booze.
	I think it's malt liquor.
	Yeah.
	It's at CVS.
	Oh, I know.
	It's the only booze I've ever seen at CVS.
	Jameson is not at CVS.
	Because it's not real booze.
	It's malt liquor.
	$8?
	That's a steep price.
	The fuck.
	Like, I paid $10 for picklebacks and stuff.
	I love picklebacks.
	That's full of bourbon.
	Yeah, I'll get elaborate.
	I don't mind paying $8 for a Maker's on the rocks.
	Right.
	But $8 for CVS juice?
	Anyway, you know what's a good teaser?
	Is that we have a thing when you're part of sensor TV that you understand what the bird, which is the bald eagle, is.
	And we have really exciting people lined up that had said it.
	People are tricking people into saying it.
	Not just random women doing makeup.
	Wow, I can't believe I'm high and drunk, and I'm better at explaining things than you.
	Ryan, people who are listening to this show free as a podcast have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
	Let me go back a couple steps.
	Sure.
	George Floyd, a redundant piece of shit who became a saint, saint shit, I guess I would call him, has a brother that's even stupider than him.
	What's his name?
	His name is a negative adjective called Felonious.
	Felonious is linked to the word felon.
	It means bad.
	But they took Phil and added Onius without even looking it up.
	So his name is literally Felonious.
	And his lawyer said, look, man, this lawyer, by the way, just so you know I'm not racist, his lawyer is a very black man.
	And his smart black lawyer said, look, here's the deal.
	We got to start saying to people, why is there an endangered list for animals and not for people?
	Why is the bald eagle on the endangered list, yet George Floyd is not?
	The black man is not.
	He's like, okay.
	I think I know why.
	How do I say that?
	It's like, okay.
	Let me make this very simple.
	Why was the bald eagle on the endangered list, but my brother was not.
	Let's try that.
	And Florius is like, got it.
	So he gets on the news and he goes, How come there is an endangered list for the bird, which is the bald eagle?
	Take the bird, which is the bald eagle.
	Clearly showing that he has never heard of a bald eagle before.
	And we noticed, by the way, recently that they're not bald.
	And you can see the heartbreak in his lawyer's eyes when he says.
	Because you know they went through it, I'm going to say 30 times.
	Easy.
	It gets insulting if you do it too many times, right?
	So no more than 40.
	$700 billion and a trillion, $300 million.
	Take the bird.
	He fucked it up so what our viewers have been doing, and again I have to explain more.
	Maddie has a horrible temper and he's not a tall guy.
	So he was known in prison as baby monster.
	Lady Gaga calls her fans her monsters.
	So we call our quote-unquote fans baby monsters as a parody of the whole concept of naming your fans.
	And it's a fuck you to Lady Gaga in a sense.
	That's true.
	Not a fuck you.
	You know what I mean.
	So the baby monsters have been going on various TikToks and cameo even and getting people to say the bird which is the bald eagle.
	The bird which is the bald eagle.
	And so after we go behind the paywall, we're going to be showing you some celebrities saying the bird which is the bald eagle because it's become our mantra.
	I think we should make bumper stickers and t-shirts.
	Oh my God.
	I was thinking about getting a tattoo and just not even saying anything.
	But I was like, that's too much.
	Nope, that's my next.
	Let's put a secured episode of the show.
	Oh my God.
	Maddie, are you in?
	I'm in.
	Oh, my God.
	I don't know if it's the booze talking, but the three of us are going to go to a tattoo shop and get the bird which is the bald eagle.
	I want a picture of a bald eagle in it, too.
	I want it to be a sick-ass tattoo.
	We can all get different designs.
	Oh, yeah, we have to get different designs.
	But I think I want to get a bald eagle that's bald.
	No, no, no feathers.
	No feathers on his head.
	Or people go, that's not what a bald eagle looks like.
	And I go, yeah, I'm fucking pissed about it.
	We don't give a damn.
	It's like my eldest boy, when he was a little kiddie, told me that Pinocchio's friend was named Crickety Cricket.
	And I loved hearing him say that.
	And I'd always bug him.
	I'd go, I'm sorry to keep asking you this, but Pinocchio's friend, the cricket, it's like, why do we keep going?
	Crickety Cricket was his name.
	I go, oh, yeah, thanks.
	So I got a tattoo that says Crickety Cricket with a little top hat.
	And then when he turned about seven, he's like, I got some bad news for you, Dad.
	I was wrong.
	It's Jiminy Cricket.
	And I was like, oh, great.
	Thanks a lot.
	I got Crickety Cricket on me for the rest of my life.
	Kilt trip.
	All right.
	So that's it, folks.
	We're going behind the paywall now.
	Thank you to Tactical Walls.
	Thank you to Johnny Apple CBD.
	You guys are missing out on a very fun show.
	We're going to be taking calls.
	Oh, we're going to be reading viewer mail after the Bird Witches the Bald Eagle.
	Then we're going to be taking calls, and it's going to be a wild ride.
	And this is just one episode out of four a week of my show.
	No, five a week of my show.
	And then umpteen other fucking shows to tickle your show.
	About 45 shows.
	45.
	So yeah, goodbye.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	Never think that far.
	And we're back.
	That was Sink the Pink, which I believe is a song about consuming cotton candy and going for it.
	I think a lot of people, when they get cotton candy, they'll have little nibbles.
	And I believe what ACDC is saying there, just like have huge bites.
	Sink your head into the cotton candy.
	Now that's how guys talk to one another.
	Oh, there's Ryan.
	Now that's how guys talk to one another.
	So wait, how you got a haircut?
	And then he takes it too far?
	That's a great scene.
	Take cut my hair, you fucking piece of shit.
	They're like, and then he pulls the gun on him.
	The irony of that movie is it's about Hmong immigrating into wherever he is, Northern California, and ruining it.
	And the Hmong ruined that fucking movie.
	Because he used all real Hmong and they can't act.
	So they sucked.
	They were immigrating into the movie and they shouldn't have been there.
	The Hmong invaded that movie the way they invaded California.
	So it ends up sort of disproving what he's going to prove.
	Same with the fucking Sopranos prequel.
	It was all about blacks moving in the neighborhood and you're like, yeah, you moved into my movie.
	No!
	How could you say that?
	Sorry.
	I've been watching the clips on fucking YouTube.
	I watch that whole series religiously.
	Every time I look up a clip on YouTube, I'm like, what the fuck is this?
	A construction worker saw Vito blowing it, dude?
	Spoilers, honey.
	My wife watches and she gets her first time watching it.
	I think that's the problem with dating children.
	So should we see?
	Let's start with the honey on the tree.
	This is the Zing Zong.
	What?
	The honey on the tree that's the Zingzong?
	Yeah, you don't know these expressions?
	No, I do not.
	Oh, it's a Canadian thing.
	I've got this one.
	Iron Really?
	Okay, let me just say in advance, I don't give a shit about non-famous People saying it.
	Okay.
	Well, then we'll get rid of it.
	Like, you can show me your underwear guy, but Lahomo was kind of funny because his eye makeup was all crazy.
	But when it's just like some pretty 19-year-old going, the bird which is the bald eagle, I don't know what that means.
	That's not interesting to me.
	That's true.
	He had iron brew underwear.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Was he Scottish?
	Go back.
	I don't know how many people have iron brew underwear.
	There's not a ton of iron brew underwear in Santa Cruz.
	Iron Brew.
	As we do.
	Bald Eagle.
	Did you have a pet in it?
	No.
	See, I mean, that guy's funny.
	I'd like to see him talk about other stuff, but is it really interesting that he said the Bagdwacha is the Bald Eagle?
	I have no idea what that means.
	He probably says a lot of things.
	Yeah.
	This one's pretty good.
	I don't get this.
	Yeah, this is good.
	On Elijah's show and her show, it's called You Are Here.
	Have to believe in this to be on their team.
	She's sad when they say that all they can do is kill us.
	This is true.
	They shoot you in the face and they go, oops.
	Jake Duke says, Sydney, please say the bird which is the bald eagle.
	Is that a joke?
	What's the...
	I would say you probably said something bad, but I...
	The bird which is the bald eagle.
	He says it again.
	Just in case.
	That's like, have you ever seen that one where they go, happy birthday, Nick Garr?
	Oh, yeah.
	And she's like, happy birthday, Nick Garr.
	And then they both go, the weather today.
	That hurt me, though, that Elijah and Sidney don't watch our show.
	It does hurt.
	I consider them pals.
	A bold eagle.
	Well, not anymore.
	Sidney Watson has got some great interviews on YouTube where she keeps, she moved here from Australia and she keeps getting apartments and they're all friends.
	And then inevitably they see her real name, Sidney Watson.
	Not that she gives them a fake name, but when you meet roommates, you're not like, I'm Gavin Miles McInnes.
	And then they find out who she is and they kick her out for being a conservative.
	In one apartment, the landlord kicked her out.
	I don't want Trump supporters in my building.
	Like, I use the analogy of blacks in the 50s a lot, but I don't think blacks were like, yeah, I don't want blacks in my building.
	I mean, maybe, yeah, in 1952.
	But not in our lifetime have blacks been kicked out for being black.
	Sydney was kicked out like a month ago.
	All right, what else?
	We already did Nick Fuentes, right?
	No.
	Oh, we.
	Well, yeah, it says, great show as usual, Nick.
	What are your thoughts on the bird, which is the bald eagle?
	I think it's really great.
	Oh, yeah, it's really great.
	He's just fucking.
	That guy's got a bright future.
	He's got a bright future because he's unflappable.
	I think it's really great.
	Yeah, he cannot be faced.
	Just roll with it.
	Great show as usual, Nick.
	What are your thoughts on the bird, which is the bald eagle?
	I think it's really great.
	That's funny shit, man.
	And this is the drum roll please one.
	Okay, let's go.
	This probably cost 300 bucks.
	Just about.
	And it's one of our favorite people.
	And I fucking hate this guy.
	I just want to make clear.
	Never mind.
	He's a total phony.
	He is a New Yorker, sort of, who moved to LA when he was 18.
	And his daddy owned a comedy club.
	He gave him a comedy career, gave him tons of open mic, whatever, space.
	And his shtick became, I'm a New York guy.
	I don't fuck around.
	Now, when you have a New York accent and you go to LA, people go, ooh, are you in the mafia?
	And a lot of Italians and retired cops and what's his name?
	Fucking Joey Coco Dio.
	Joey Coco Dio.
	Star of Medi Saints of New York.
	He's in that?
	Yeah, he got his head blown off, remember?
	Oops, spoiler alert.
	I'm so sorry.
	If you didn't see it by now.
	Yeah, fuck it.
	Come on, guys.
	He got killed in that?
	Yeah.
	If I had known, I would have beat off to that scene.
	You didn't beat off to that scene?
	No.
	Maybe you beat off so hard he forgot.
	You're like, oh, fuck.
	Yeah, I went into a coma.
	I don't remember him in that movie.
	Who was he?
	Well, his character's name was Buddha Bompancero, so he's related to Big Pussy somehow.
	I come really, really hard.
	Oh, God.
	I hate that drop.
	Wait, what was that one?
	Coco Diaz is a fake New Yorker.
	Oh, yeah.
	So, yeah, a lot of New Yorkers, their accent to us means nothing, right?
	It's just like, you're my plumber.
	I know you guys.
	But like Joe Tonelli.
	It's not like you go, ooh, Joe Tonelli's here.
	We're in big trouble.
	Joe Tonelli just showed up.
	By the way, I got some gossip about Joe Tonelli.
	If you go to his Facebook page, his sister's on there.
	Oh, no.
	Writing with all caps as the first letter for every single sentence.
	And she's like, fuck you.
	And I can say this because it's public.
	Right.
	And she's like, fuck you.
	Don't use me in your name.
	You said you rescued our three brothers on 9-11.
	What's that?
	He wasn't even in the state of New York when 9-11 happened.
	Yes.
	Betty, let me explain something to you.
	The buildings were on fire early at 9 a.m.
	He had time to get in a bird, which is a helicopter, and get down here from New Jersey.
	Where was he?
	Arizona.
	Okay.
	They're Concorde jets, F-14 fighter jets.
	They're those trains that they're going to invent soon that could go east to west coast very quickly.
	So he wasn't in the state when the planes hit.
	We don't know if he's in the state when it came time to rescue his three brothers.
	Arizona and New York.
	Who may or may not exist.
	Exactly.
	So she's like, fuck you, blah, blah, blah.
	And then she posted on his Facebook the thing about Arizona saying, be aware of these people pretending to be nurses.
	Yeah.
	They're lying.
	Which I can't believe there's a list.
	Oh, people do it all the time.
	What do they do?
	They go to old folks' homes and shit?
	Try to get jobs at hospitals?
	They'd probably just steal drugs and shit.
	But like, you go to a hos I I don't I don't know how it works, but I assume you apply to hospital and you're on a nurse database.
	Right.
	And they go, you're not working here.
	You're not on the database.
	Right.
	There's like you get a license number.
	Like, I used to date a girl who worked with people on the spectrum.
	She had what I think it's called an NPI number.
	Like, you put your name in it, and it has a number so you can be tracked throughout the state.
	That's logical.
	Yeah.
	That's the way society should be running.
	When you get CIS letters from the Arizona State Board of Nursing saying, stop trying to fucking pass yourself off as a nurse and a flight nurse.
	You know?
	Can't make it up.
	But anyway, she also goes, don't bring up our mother.
	You abused her.
	I have the Rye police reports to prove it.
	Uncle Bill, million dollar bill, went to his mother's wake.
	No way.
	And he says the sister didn't even acknowledge him.
	We got to get the sister on this show, dude.
	What if we got Joe on the show, sitting where you are, and we had a this is your life and we brought in his sister.
	Really?
	Really?
	Oh, wow.
	He'd walk out in the middle.
	Are you serious right now?
	Oh, really?
	Really?
	We're doing this?
	All right.
	I've had him admit to people in the bar that he was never, ever, ever, ever in the military.
	Well, you threatened to kill him.
	But yet, he will still tell you he was in the fucking Marines.
	That's the annoying thing.
	Everything gets uncovered.
	You were not a Marine.
	You didn't fly a bird for the fucking EMT people.
	No.
	And okay, we're all agreed.
	And then two days later...
	Yeah, I was flying a bird for the EMT.
	There was a drunk driving accident.
	Like I said, the story that gets, like, even, I finally met Big John.
	I don't know, Big John.
	The new guy.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	The smart guy.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	He had the same story that blew you away about him with the car breaking through the roadblock and hitting her.
	And the last thing you heard was some guys, Joe.
	And the car hit the helicopter.
	So just to be clear, folks at home, Joe Tonelli claims that he worked as an helicopter EMT, which I don't know how EMTs go, but I assume being the helicopter is the very top of the helicopter.
	He's a trauma flight nurse.
	Not even he was a trauma flight.
	That's got to be the top.
	I mean, if I was going to be an EMT, that's what I want to be.
	None of it's kind of the coolest thing you could be, right?
	Like, you don't want to be the one at the ER who has to wash shit off a bum's leg that is become to his actual skin.
	Like, that's those people are needed, and God bless you for washing shit off bums' legs and bums' bums, for that matter.
	But no one wants to be that.
	You want to be the guy.
	There's a fucking massive pile up.
	People need the jobs of life.
	Like I'm saying, is his story is so unbelievable.
	He thinks it sounds great because it's like it's off a movie screen.
	But in reality, none of that would have ever, ever transpired any conditions anywhere.
	Because so his story, folks at home, is that there was some massive accident.
	And so they asked him, we need a flight trauma nurse.
	So his helicopter, he's not driving it, I guess.
	It goes down to the highway, lands on the middle of the highway, and he starts dragging people onto the ambulance helicopter to take them home.
	The bird, he calls.
	And as he's doing that, a car.
	He says he grabbed this little girl, like a five-year-old girl.
	Like he jumped out of the helicopter.
	Joe, thank you.
	He scooped up the girl out of like the wreck and was running to the helicopter to put her in the, as you, I put her in the bird, and some car broke through where the traffic was blocked off.
	And the last thing I heard was, Joe, watch out.
	And the car hit me and the helicopter.
	I'm like, Joe, before a helicopter ever gets to a fucking accident scene, there's already paramedics and ambulances on scene that are treating the patient.
	And he's on a gurney and the whole entire highway is shut down both directions.
	That's the big one right there.
	And they wheel the fucking.
	Helicopters don't just plop down on the fucking highway.
	There's pylons and flares everywhere.
	It's a major deal for a helicopter to land on a goddamn road.
	It's so unbelievable.
	Obviously.
	It's ridiculous.
	Obviously.
	I mean, you could be 14 and just sit there and do the math and be like, well, they're very valuable pieces of machinery and highways are very volatile.
	I'd imagine they have pylons and flames.
	It's just, it's so acidine that it's like, are you fucking kidding?
	Like, never in a million years did that ever happen, Joe.
	We got to get it.
	You didn't land a helicopter to rescue a car accident victim in like Vietnam war zone.
	That's what he's doing.
	He's conflating Vietnam with his fake helicopter EMT thing.
	And by the way, regarding the cat thing, we had a bunch of baby monsters send in the article that said he did rescue a cat.
	I've been thinking about this.
	Did he told a journalist who wanted a fun front page little quarter on the local newspaper?
	Is there evidence?
	He has tried to volunteer at every local volunteer firehouse, any volunteer ambulance corps.
	And they're always looking for new volunteers.
	So Joe's 58 now.
	Years ago, when he was young, he probably did.
	And from what I don't doubt it.
	Is that he's gotten in, you know, they don't just send you off to firefight.
	You have to go get training and everything at the county firefighter academy and all that.
	But he does what he does everywhere.
	He goes in there.
	He Thinks he knows everything, he starts telling it, and then they bounce him.
	You know, they get tired of his bullshit after a couple of weeks.
	Yeah, because it's relentless bullshit.
	Like, he joined a biker club called Third Watch, Fourth Watch, Fourth Watch, which is my understanding is all retired, like right.
	It's not like the Hells Angels are not going to fight them.
	If Ryan and I started a biker game in AMA club, and we had lower thirds and stuff on our we had bottom rockers on our jackets, Hells Angels would go, who the fuck are you guys, blah, blah, blah.
	But my understanding with Fourth Watch is it's like retired cops and stuff, and they're sort of allowed to coexist.
	Well, they're a law enforcement club.
	Instead of like MC, it'll say LE.
	Oh, okay.
	Like you have RCs, which are riding clubs.
	You have MCs, which are motorcycle clubs, you have LE, which is law enforcement.
	Like that's what I'm talking about.
	So it's not a real motorcycle club.
	I mean, it's a motorcycle club, but it's for retired law enforcement and firefighters.
	There's a bunch of clubs like that.
	Okay, so he joined them, and there was an article about them on BuzzFeed.
	Frankly, there was an article about them on BuzzFeed.
	Fourth Watch?
	Who are you right now?
	Are you seven different guys?
	My name is Trump Poole.
	And frankly.
	Trump who?
	Trump Poole.
	Listen, man.
	Oh, it's Tim Poole and Trump combined.
	Yeah.
	Look, I get it.
	Man, listen.
	I get it, okay?
	Frankly, if you look at this article for BuzzFeed, it's hard.
	We're going to stop it.
	Are your eyes supposed to be doing it?
	You got Twitch there.
	You got Tourette's?
	Is that part of the bit?
	It's like a computer malfunction?
	Listen, man.
	I'm sorry to ask you to explain your joke as you're doing it, but I'm confused.
	Listen, it's fine, man.
	Listen.
	He's a clone.
	Proof that there's clones.
	Tim Poole became a Trump clone live on air.
	Only here, ladies and gentlemen.
	It's crazy, man.
	You made me forget what I was talking about, Ryan.
	There was the Fourth Watch.
	Fourth Watch.
	Oh, yeah, so Fourth Watch.
	So he goes there and he's like, dude, you can believe this.
	You can believe this shit.
	Oh, my God.
	Serious?
	Serious right now?
	So my grandson is in ICU.
	Serious?
	Yeah, he's been there.
	He's on fucking life support.
	My grandson, he's eight years old.
	And so the Fourth Watch guys are all EMTs, cops, like they know every hospital in America.
	And it's a big club.
	I think it's a national club.
	It's got thousands and thousands of members.
	So they go, all right, you're a prospect, but we consider you a brother.
	What hospital?
	Oh, it's hospital.
	It's the same hospital he always mentions when he says someone's dying.
	Like he told me his fucking daughter, who I don't think exists.
	No.
	Slid her wrists in the bathtub and took Xanax.
	Oh, it was Jimmy's niece.
	Doggy style totals that the girl that he felt like supposedly is his wife out there is not his wife.
	They were like high school sweethearts and they never had kids.
	No.
	I went to high school with him.
	I think it was Jimmy's niece had some horrible suicide attempt and Joe was like, whoa, that sounds pretty bad.
	That's mine now.
	And he just took it and made it his.
	My daughter was in the bathtub, took Xanax and she slid her wrist.
	What?
	We had a big fight about that because I have a daughter and I consider it almost like stolen valor.
	Like, don't fucking talk about dead girls to me.
	I have a girl.
	But the thing is, so what are you doing here?
	Yeah, that's another thing.
	Like, get on a plane and go to Arizona.
	If my daughter was in a car accident in Timbuktu, I'd be waiting at LAX right now for the transfer from fucking American Airlines.
	But anyway, he's doing all these fucking lies to Fourth Watch.
	He goes, yeah, my grandson.
	Oh, fucking my grandson.
	Yeah.
	By the way, my dad is dying to get over this COVID shit so he can come back because he's obsessed with Joe Tonelli.
	I need to get back to Joe.
	I need, because he loves interrogating Joe and pointing out the holes in his argument.
	And Joe Joe's like, are we serious right now?
	You want to go through that fucking window?
	So you're going to kill me rather than explain how you could have been in Arizona and New Jersey at the same exact time.
	But anyway, so they find the hospital.
	They're like, oh yeah, we know that hospital.
	We have a fourth watch dude there who can make sure your grandson gets the best possible care.
	We'll do some fucking nefarious business and move him up to like the hottest fucking ICU.
	He's an ICU.
	And we'll get him the best fucking breath of life.
	What do they call it there?
	Ventilator in the entire hospital.
	What's his name?
	What's his doctor?
	What room is he in?
	He didn't have a picture of his daughter.
	He didn't know her name.
	He didn't know her birthday.
	Her birthday.
	Really?
	Remember when he told us that he went to high school in Glasgow?
	Yeah.
	And James is like from any colloquialist.
	76?
	Something up to 1979.
	I'm like, Joe, you were like, okay, Joe.
	Scotland has, it's a very unique little place.
	Primary wine, primary.
	Iron Brew, fucking Mars bars, the ice creams with the, what's that little chocolate thing they stick in it?
	The Cadbury flakes.
	Like, tell me about Glasgow.
	There's a million little details no one else knows.
	Fucking.
	Smarties, yeah.
	Anyway, they go to find his fucking grandson and he doesn't exist.
	And they go, you're out.
	And it was so embarrassing because of Joe, they started coming to our pub and they would have all their gear on and he'd have his gear on with Prospect.
	And then after the grandson lie, he had to, I don't know, burn his vest.
	They'd still come to the club occasionally and he'd be sitting there at a different end of the bar.
	Like, aren't you embarrassed?
	He got kicked out of the Legion.
	What person in their right mind who never served a day in the military is going to go to the American Legion, which is all American veterans, and try to pass themselves off as a service member.
	And after about 15, 20, he Gets tossed out and he starts crying to Uncle Unreliabil.
	Oh, can't you vouch for me?
	No, no.
	No, fuck that.
	Why would I do that?
	If you were in any military, go get your TD214.
	Go get your anything.
	Yeah, I remember you quizzing him about the Marines and which camp did you go to?
	I got a story.
	So when my kid was in baseball, when he started, when we first moved to the Burbs, he's with this kid, I guess I could say his name, Miles McAloon.
	His dad was Danny McAloon, which is a well-known Bronx boxer, who I am very honored to this old Puerto Rican named Jalapeno said, hey, what the fuck?
	We got fucking Danny McAloon in the gym.
	Because I looked like him because he had a mustache.
	Danny McAloon never really went anywhere with boxing because he couldn't hold his booze, which I think is just fucking pathetic.
	It's pathetic.
	But anyway, I became friends with Willie.
	He's a Bronx cop, but he did 10 tours in Iraq, I think.
	A lot of tours in Iraq.
	So he moves to LA a couple years ago.
	And I said, don't do it.
	It's a mistake.
	Unless they're going to pay your wife, his wife works at NBC or something.
	Unless they're going to pay her millions of dollars, don't do it.
	And he goes, what?
	Shut up, idiot.
	I'm doing it.
	And so he sent his wife and kids down there to North Hollywood something, because she got a great gig with NBC.
	And then he did that crazy cop thing where you work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and you get your pension.
	It's not what it used to be in the 90s, but it's still pretty good.
	So he does a great job.
	And then he goes to North Hollywood, but he's still a Bronx guy.
	He's a war vet and a retired cop.
	And they never met anyone like him down there.
	And just like I was saying earlier with Coco Diaz, they get excited.
	And they're like, I know Tony Soprano.
	I know Robert De Niro.
	I know the tough guy who's worked with the mob.
	Even if you're a cop who arrested the mob, you go to LA and you're like, yo, what the fuck I work with the mob?
	We used to take care of business.
	What am I going to say?
	Hey, whoa, forget about it.
	Yeah, tough guy bear.
	They call him.
	Probably would call him tough guy bear.
	Right?
	Did you fall asleep in a bowl of Cheetos?
	Cheeto bear.
	You got to work on that skin tone guy.
	My guy.
	Skin tone bear.
	Skin tone bear.
	Orange bear.
	Copper tone bear.
	Goldfish bear.
	I can't tell if this show is going well or not.
	So he told me, you know, your phone will send you an old video.
	So my phone sends me a video of six years ago when my son got a home run.
	And Miles, his son, was jumping on my, he was the catcher.
	He's jumping on my son.
	You got a home run, blah, blah.
	I was like, good old days, whatever.
	And so he goes, I got to tell you this story.
	So we talk because I've noticed working class people don't like texting.
	They don't like the grammar and stuff.
	They want to get on the phone.
	I am very literary.
	I'm a genius and an aristocrat.
	So I like communicating with text.
	Anyway, we have to talk.
	So I get off the train.
	I go to the parking lot where my bike is, blah, blah, blah.
	And he tells me this story.
	So he's working with this coach.
	This is in North Hollywood.
	And they've never heard that accent, really.
	He tells him he's not in the mob.
	So they get over the Coco Diaz bullshit.
	By the way, please find Coco Diaz being assassinated.
	I want to enjoy that.
	And the guy falls in love with Willie.
	In love.
	It's like, you're fucking crazy, man.
	You're the best.
	Oh, my God.
	And we got to have play dates with the kids.
	And he's the, sorry, the guy's the coach for my friend's son, who's a great catcher and a great pitcher.
	And he's like, you're fucking amazing, man.
	Oh, my God.
	So they become sort of pals.
	Like, Willie's new to North Hollywood.
	So he's like, okay, you love me.
	That can't be bad.
	As long as you don't want to fucking fuck my mouth, let's hang out.
	So they start hanging out, not in a really intimate way, but just through the sports and bring the kids together and blah, blah, blah.
	And they're driving back from a game.
	And for some bizarre reason, now this guy's, this North Hollywood dude, the LA dude, his parents are from Uruguay, which by the way, translates as you're a gay.
	And they came here.
	And let me just guess that they're doing pretty good in America.
	Their son is married with kids, baseball coach in North Hollywood.
	I'm guessing they're doing maybe a thousand times better than all their friends back in Urigay, right?
	Let's just get crazy and guess that.
	So he's driving and he says to my buddy, he's like, do you like it here?
	The kids are in the back seat.
	And Willie's like, what?
	You mean in North Hollywood?
	Yeah, I mean, I'm getting used to it.
	I'm kind of a fish out of water, but, you know, I like it.
	He's like, no.
	In America.
	And he goes, yes.
	And he goes, the American dream is dead.
	What the fuck happened to you?
	Like, out of nowhere, he turns into this dude.
	Radicalized.
	Radicalized.
	And he goes, this country's a lie.
	It was stolen from the Indians.
	You know, the things, the shit you said when you were 14.
	It was stolen from the Indians.
	It was built on slavery.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Welcome back, 14 me.
	Why do you keep, it's like I was killed when I was 14 and my 14-year-old self keeps haunting me.
	So he goes, Willie goes, you know that I did several, I don't know how many tours.
	I think I want to say 10, but that sounds like a lot.
	He goes, you know, I did ex-tours in Iraq, right?
	And I was a cop in the Bronx for 20 years?
	And he goes, well, you should know more than anyone that this country's fucked beyond belief.
	And he goes, I strongly disagree.
	And he Goes, and then the guy goes.
	I don't believe in God, I'm an atheist, and I see things for what they are.
	And then Willie goes, Well, I'm not an atheist, I'm a Christian, and I don't like that you're saying this in front of my kid who's right behind you.
	And now it makes me worried about what goes on at the games.
	I'm starting to think now the coach was drunk.
	I think he maybe did some shots or something.
	Or I've drank with Willie before, and the guy can drink like a bottle of bourbon and drive home like he's, let's go, Brandon.
	So maybe the guy couldn't handle his liquor.
	I'm starting to think.
	Anyway, he comes home, and you baby monsters, tell me what you think of this, because I'm of two minds about this next step.
	So the next day, he goes, at one point, I'm lying in bed, like, what was I doing in Iraq?
	Maybe I made a mistake.
	Like, I started to doubt my existence there.
	The guys who went to Iraq had no say in going to Iraq.
	You don't sit there with the top brass and debate the pros and cons of this particular mission.
	That's not the point.
	And it's the exact same with cops.
	If you get called to go to a fucking vaccine rally.
	It's what you signed up for.
	It's what you sign up for.
	I know it sucks.
	And I would hate to be a cop saying, no, you got to wear your mask, but that's the deal.
	Now, obviously there's limits, and we love those cops in Virginia who said, if the state started confiscating your guns, I'm not going to enforce a law that's unconstitutional.
	But as far as like getting a call saying you're going to Iraq, what are you going to do?
	Fuck you.
	I'm a draft Dodger now.
	Okay.
	Why'd you sign up?
	So the next day, he calls the guy.
	And by the way, you're vulnerable when you're hungover, which helps my theory.
	And he goes, yeah, I'm taking my son off your team.
	We're done.
	And guess what happened to the dude?
	Guess what he did?
	He started bawling his eyes out.
	Crying, crying like his dog just died in his arms.
	Going, fuck him, I knew it.
	I fucking knew it.
	You know what?
	I never did it.
	As I was saying, then he was doing that thing that kids do when they're trying to talk is they cry.
	I knew that.
	I shouldn't.
	I should have kissed.
	And you were.
	You were.
	Crying on the phone.
	Now, I can cry quietly on the couch to Love on the Spectrum.
	That's manly.
	I'll stand by that.
	I'm judging by your eyes that you don't agree.
	Oh, let me tell you something about crying.
	After your story, I'll tell you a story about men crying.
	Long distance ads, war movies.
	I'm waterworks.
	But some guy goes, fuck you.
	After I said something stupid, I'm like, all right, I get it.
	Fuck you.
	So the guy's blubbering.
	And then my buddy gets a call the next day from a previous coach on a great team that was kind of bad news bears-y, like underdogs.
	And he goes, we really need your son back.
	And he goes, oh, thank God.
	My son doesn't have a team as of today.
	Boom, back on the team.
	He goes, it was like divine intervention.
	It was like Gavad.
	Let's call him Gavad from now on.
	It was like Gavad said, I'm going to get you back on an old team because I like what you did there with telling that asshole from Uruguay to fuck off.
	All right, what's your story?
	You cried like a bitch?
	I'm sitting in FCI, Federal Correctional Institution, Allenwood in Pennsylvania.
	Now it's a medium-high prison.
	People there, life sentences, multiple life sentences.
	You know, my cellmate got life for murder, never going home.
	What did he do?
	He murdered a soldier.
	He was sold.
	What were the circumstances?
	He was addicted to heroin.
	The guy offered to bring him out to town.
	Oh, I remember the story.
	Yeah, yeah.
	He was on a German military thing.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And he killed the guy for $8 in his pocket and $20 in the ATM.
	But we're all in, they have movie night.
	You know, they have a movie committee, and you get to pick certain movies that we're going to watch throughout the month.
	So they pick Million Dollar Baby.
	That's the Heather Swank as a boxer.
	Doctor Hillary Swank and Hillary Swank.
	Claim Eastwood directed it.
	She ends up, she tries to become the successful fighter and take care of her family.
	Her family's just shitting on her.
	And then she gets cheap shot at the end.
	Bullshit, by the way.
	She breaks her neck and she's like paralyzed.
	Let me tell you something.
	In the fucking common area, where all these stone-cold sociopath killers, everybody, everybody's like this.
	Yeah.
	Life and television.
	And this way they do it, too.
	And they're looking, they're like, who else is doing it?
	And they're all fucking sobbing their fucking eyes out.
	I was sobbing out too.
	I was like, Jesus fucking Christ.
	I don't see a problem with that whatsoever.
	But you never do the ugly face cry and go, there was none of that.
	But if you're watching her try to get her life together, my thing is like a group of people overcoming adversity and coming together.
	Now, one of the worst examples of this, of course, is the movie Elf, where they get enough Christmas spirit to bring the sleigh up in Central Park and back up again.
	And I looked over at my wife going during that scene.
	And she was like, are you fucking kidding me?
	And I'm like, they're going to do it.
	They're going to do it.
	I feel no shame for that whatsoever.
	School of Rock, I also cried, where they kicked Jack Black, and they're like, you always told us we could be something.
	And now you're lying here on your ass.
	This is, it's not gay to cry.
	Shows that you knows how to empathize.
	Yeah.
	Hello, you got a bass.
	Now, if a girl dumps you and you cry, I want to kill you.
	You should be ashamed.
	I have to admit, the science of this particular point I'm making, I'm not totally solid on because I know it sounds ridiculous.
	But I feel like a very tough, badass dude for crying last night to Love on the Spectrum.
	And I also feel like beating up the guy who cried when my friend Willie said, my boy's off the team because you said America sucks.
	Ooh, that's a hate crime right there, bro.
	Those don't seem to contradict.
	Can you show the trailer for the new season of Love on the Spectrum?
	You should tear up at this.
	This is people who've done nothing wrong and are incompatible with society.
	And they are trying their very best to realign themselves with us.
	And it's just scientifically, mathematically not there.
	They're playing the hand that was dealt to them.
	It's like an albino trying not to be pale.
	Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.
	This is series two of Love on the Spectrum.
	I don't really need to introduce myself because you already know who I am.
	Michael, of course.
	The greatest boyfriend in the world.
	Yes, I am.
	Definitely.
	And why are you back?
	I'm continuing my quest for true love.
	But God can't bear the thought of being single my entire life because it's lonely, it's boring, and it's also unfulfilling, and it makes you feel like you lack a purpose.
	I can't see myself without a wife.
	There's no other way for me.
	Meanwhile, these guys have siblings that are not on the spectrum, and they see them with girlfriends laughing and picking flowers and dancing.
	They hear fucking at night.
	Something always seems to be wrong or kind of trigger my flight reflex.
	I never had a girlfriend, not even when I was in high school.
	I'm on my quest for true love, and I cannot give up on that.
	Finding love is really hard for anyone.
	Give up.
	You don't force love.
	Well, let them come to you.
	One day he's going to get it.
	Actually, they do have...
	When they have couples that are not brutally on the spectrum, like let's say, I don't know, 15% Autistic, they'll find another 15% Autistic and those can live together and they do the dishes together.
	Make it work.
	They have a picnic and shit.
	I don't know if they can breed.
	I don't know if they should breed.
	But when you get up to like, I'm making up these numbers, by the way, like 55%, it's not happening.
	It's not happening.
	I'm 30 and I thought I would have to be a little bit more than that.
	Oh, that guy's the worst.
	He's a dinosaur expert.
	This series follows young adults on the autism spectrum.
	Say hello to my future husband or wife.
	Hello there.
	As they navigate the confusing world of relationships and dating.
	What's your age limit?
	70.
	With the help of specialists.
	So why do you want a partner?
	Because I want a fraud.
	And support from loved ones.
	They search for that special someone.
	I'll do whatever it takes to find a girlfriend.
	She ticks all my boxes.
	From first dates.
	Just I'm trying to make up conversation.
	It seems that she only will like to see me again as a friend.
	Every time.
	I really do like spending time with you.
	She's perfect.
	Absolutely perfect.
	And he says that about every date.
	Oh, somebody's in a white dress.
	That was mysterious.
	I'm hooked.
	I'm in.
	Why is it only Australia they can do that show?
	Surely there's autistic people elsewhere.
	I found that trailer very harrowing.
	This trailer, on the other hand, I feel nothing.
	Oh, good.
	Kill him.
	Oh!
	Oh!
	He says he's talking about his Gumar.
	He's like, I would eat her shit.
	Gumad.
	Gumad.
	Good cue.
	Where's Josephine at moments with a girlfriend?
	I would eat his shit.
	Oh!
	What?
	Oh, that was a joke punch?
	Spoiler alert.
	I love.
	I love.
	You know what?
	I bet when guys like Coco Diaz, who are super tough guy New Yorkers in LA, I bet when they talk to actual, you know, mobsters, they go, something's up with that Coco dude.
	He's from Jersey.
	Yeah, I got a bad vibe out of him.
	What the fuck?
	What the fuck is he talking about?
	Well, maybe he's gay.
	You ever thought of that?
	Fuck.
	It's not gay.
	There's something else.
	Well, that was a great teaser for this cameo.
	The bird, which is the bald.
	Oh, we forgot to get the light.
	Michael F. Face.
	What's his name again?
	Fuck you, Michael Rap.
	Oh, I didn't finish my diss on him.
	So he moves to L.A. when he's 18, right?
	So we're talking about like 1990 or around then.
	His dad gets him a thing.
	He does the Coco Diaz New York thing, and he's just been a New Yorker his whole life, even though he's my age.
	And he hasn't been living in New York since he was a teenager.
	It's a fake persona.
	He's an LA guy, but he's always like, yo, I'm the Beastie Boys.
	Fuck you, you fucking racist motherfucker.
	I fucking hate those guys.
	I'm from the fucking Bronx, yo.
	It's not who you are, dude.
	You're LA.
	You're West Hollywood.
	You're a straight fag.
	But anyway, someone paid a bunch of money to have him say the bird, which is the bald eagle.
	Which.
	Gavin.
	Gavin to the bird that is the bald eagle.
	Which is the bald eagle, more on.
	I know you're going through it.
	All right.
	Your guy, James, told me everything that's going on with you.
	All right, I know you're fucking going through it.
	I hope you're at peace.
	All right.
	I hope you know that you are loved.
	You are loved.
	He's got that insincere LA thing down, Pat.
	That's classic LA.
	I remember when I first started going there because I was pitching TV shows, people hug you and they go, oh my God, you look amazing.
	And then you'd go, really?
	And then you'd get back to the hotel and you'd go, what?
	I look like shit.
	What the fuck?
	And you realize, oh, that's what they say to everyone.
	I can't.
	New Yorkers, when a New Yorker tells you you look amazing, you look in the mirror and you're looking at a supermodel.
	You go, what the fuck?
	Did I put cream on?
	They're right.
	I'm breathtaking.
	Whenever I would go to California after like five, six days, I'm like, I got to get out.
	I got to get out.
	That hugging.
	They're all flakes.
	They all flake out.
	It's so fake.
	First of all, everything shuts down at 2 o'clock.
	And then you got to go to house party.
	It's all.
	Oh, yeah.
	Well, you want to get a beer at 2 p.m.
	It's insane.
	It's not happening.
	One time we were so desperate for booze at 2 or 3 p.m., we called our buddy Andrew, and we go, hey, man, all the bars are not open yet.
	Do you got any booze at your house?
	And he was a New Yorker.
	And he goes, I did.
	And then I drank it.
	What the fuck?
	Like, why don't you come to my house and say, do you have any Coke?
	Of course it's gone.
	You think it's just sitting around?
	He goes, there's a bottle in my house for maybe a day.
	That's it.
	You've been a fan of mine, and I appreciate that.
	You like Copland and True Romance, both of which were fun.
	No.
	Fun experiences and great projects to be a part of.
	But this is not about me.
	This is about you.
	Good.
	All right.
	While you're here, just know.
	Okay, everybody loves you.
	Everybody appreciates you.
	That's also nice.
	And everybody will always remember and appreciate you in the fondest fucking way, far beyond what you probably even could remember and comprehend.
	All right.
	So just know you are loved.
	All right.
	For you, James, your whole family, everybody that's going through this, for you guys the best.
	All right.
	So stay safe.
	He had to pay money for Gavin.
	Never, ever, ever, ever, ever stop fucking fighting.
	All right.
	I know you're a veteran, so you don't know how to stop fighting, but keep pushing for me.
	Keep fucking fighting.
	All right, you guys stay safe.
	All right.
	He's the worst.
	He makes me racist against white people.
	He makes me hate the Irish or whatever he is.
	I believe he's Irish.
	I think it's a safe bet to say.
	Rapaport.
	Isn't he Jewish?
	Oh, yeah.
	Eh.
	That was gross.
	That was so LA.
	Actually, but a perfect cameo and a perfect way to segue into the callers.
	Let's do the thanks for calling thing.
	We're skipping the letters this episode.
	You are on the air.
	Mute up conversation.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You don't need to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	Is there a better shoe in the world?
	I got my first pair of Chuck Taylors.
	They were white high tops in 1983, and I slept with them on the pillow so I could look over at the incredible design.
	But I was wearing red wings today, and for the past two days, and I love red wings, but my feet fucking hurt at the end of the day.
	I have jogged in these.
	I box in these.
	And it's the perfect shoe.
	It's so, and when you walk across grass early in the morning and there's dew on it, and you get your toes wet with other shoes, not these.
	No dew can get through the rubber toes.
	This is the most incredible shoe ever made.
	Unfortunately, fucking hipster chicks, TikTokers have made them hot, so they're like 90 bucks now online.
	But Hunter S. Thompson wore these.
	It's the perfect shoe.
	Look at the design.
	Okay, I guess I'm drunk because that doesn't seem like an intelligent way to segue a call.
	What do we got?
	Let's see.
	I think we have from San Bernardino.
	Burdue!
	Yo, Burdue, can you hear me?
	Yeah, you sound like you're in 17 oranges made of aluminum.
	Give me one second, sir.
	Okay.
	What's up, dude?
	You are connected as the host.
	Welcome, host.
	You are now in the host room and can manage your callers from the College Studio web interface.
	Thank you.
	Sam Bernardino.
	Hey, time for a yo.
	What's going on?
	Time for a yo.
	Well, first of all, Chuck Taylors are fucking gay, dude.
	Everybody in California that wears Chuck Taylors or want to be fucking black people, dude.
	What?
	First of all, Chuck Taylors are based on the basketball player, Chuck Taylor, from 1962.
	So they've gone through a million different variations.
	Maybe right now in your Californian town, it's for people who want to be black, I guess?
	Yeah, well, what it is out here is all the black gangsters wear fucking Chuck Taylors.
	What color?
	So like the little like either black or white.
	Because that's a big difference.
	I don't think you can wear black Chuck Taylors over the age of 25.
	Well, they call them the stars because on the high tops they have the circle with the star on it.
	Yeah, you can't wear it.
	You look like you're too Ramones.
	It's too Ramonesy to be like a 30-year-old in black Chuck Taylors.
	Yeah, well, I'm talking like everybody fucking wears them out here and it's fucking gay, dude.
	You know what else is gay is not wearing flip-flops, dude.
	Californians, we got to wear flip-flops.
	Roads hotter than fucking nuts out here, dude.
	We walk around flip-flops.
	We fight in flip-flops.
	We're not all L.A., dude.
	You can't fight in flip-flops.
	They fall off.
	How the fuck do you fight in flip-flops?
	Hey, Gavin, have you ever been punched in the face so hard you stepped out of your shoe?
	I have about 14 times in my life, dude.
	Yeah, I was this morning.
	But I had, you know what?
	I had high-top Chuck Taylors on, and my shoes stayed on.
	They were tied up tight.
	And it gave me the traction to retaliate.
	Let me repeat that.
	It gave me the traction to retaliate.
	Hey, brother, but you know, the only time I wear shoes is when I think I'm going to go to jail that night.
	But looking at 40, I don't do that shit no more.
	But one last thing, before you hang up on me, thank you for calling out Joey Diaz.
	You ever notice when he was on Joe Rogan, he'd always whisper like he's telling the story?
	Like it's some fucking secret story?
	He's talking to 65 million fucking people.
	Bruce, we used to get this chick to suck my cock.
	And that's the only way she could do up a mic.
	I'd be like, suck my dick.
	I'll give you some coke.
	And then you could do up a mic.
	He personifies the West Coast obsession with New Yorkers like they're some sort of fucking magical Tony Sopranos.
	And they're not.
	Thank you, brother.
	I appreciate it.
	All right.
	Thanks for coming.
	I appreciate that, dude.
	Take a call.
	Yo, when Bruce Lee came out, bro, it was like, I think 86, 87, 86.
	And we had this dude around.
	He was doing always doing karate, bro.
	Yeah, he is.
	He's right.
	Stories are also lame.
	We know this chick who used to put the arm of glasses like this, this pot, up a cunt.
	Okay.
	I wouldn't even remember that.
	Where is she now?
	You know, my biggest beef with him, of course, the reason I started a beef with him is because that big fat guy, what's his name?
	Paulie Walnuts, Fatso McGee?
	What's his name?
	Oh, Ralphie Mae.
	Ralphie Mae with his weird Uyghur accent.
	He died of heroin opioid addiction.
	He had kids.
	He was a shitty dad.
	His wife left him as women do when you're addicted to opioids.
	He wasn't around for his kids.
	And that's pretty shitty to begin with.
	But maybe you take them fishing once a week when you get remotely clean.
	But he didn't.
	He kept ignoring his kids, getting drunker and drunker and higher and higher and deader and debtor until he died.
	And I said, another fucking junkie bites of dust.
	We're all talking about this comedy legend who died, but he was just another opioid addict who ignored his kids and took their father away.
	I don't feel bad for him.
	And then he fucking tweeted this thing to me where he was like, yo, not for nothing.
	I hear you're a gentleman from people we got in common.
	But if you keep disrespecting Malfi May, we're going to have a problem.
	I think I tweeted something like, Tony Soprano doesn't tweet his imminent hits.
	That's not how it works.
	You don't want to leave a paper trail, you fucking fake gangster poser.
	He's fucking Spanish, too.
	He's not Italian.
	I'm glad he was shot in that movie.
	I can't believe I didn't even see him.
	I looked at his head in that movie and didn't watch it getting blown off.
	That's how bad that movie is.
	You can see your enemies killed in a movie and go, what?
	What's happening now?
	We got Clay on the line.
	This AC is thunderous.
	It's way too loud.
	It sounds like a storm outside.
	Yeah.
	It's blowing.
	Calm down, AC.
	Hey, Clay, you're on the line, bud.
	Go ahead, Clay.
	What's up, buddy?
	Are you shy?
	Oh, you're whispering like Coco?
	Are you watching the show, maybe?
	And then he talking?
	He fell asleep.
	Ryan, I hear sounds.
	There he is.
	You hear me?
	Yeah.
	Oh, sorry.
	Hey, guys.
	So I had a topic that is probably going to be like a million times more unpopular than the pit bull take that you guys were doing.
	But Trump probably is going to run in 2024.
	And I don't know how I feel about it because he had such a mixed presidential four years for me because I think the trade deals, he did a great job.
	But on other stuff, like the border right now, he didn't do a great job.
	Wow, what a great call.
	What a great point.
	What a great topic of discussion.
	Let's jump to Maddie O'Dell.
	Maddie, who do you want to run in 2024?
	What's your dream utopia magical world where you're the king of earth?
	I think Ron DeSantis has a great chance.
	As what?
	President?
	President.
	Who's VP?
	That is a tough one.
	Alrighty?
	Tough one.
	Like you said, a piece of white bread toast.
	Caller, what's your utopia?
	What's your paradise?
	What's your heaven for 2024?
	But I feel a little selfish to rip him out of Florida because he's doing a great job there.
	Go to Santos.
	Thanks, Ryan.
	I'm still thinking about it.
	And the hard part is, Trump, I feel like probably, like during the debates, when Trump is running, I was on the fence.
	And then when he was rising in the polls, I thought, you know what?
	He's like the wild card.
	He's got the trade deal thing going on.
	I think that's probably where he stood out.
	Hey, hey, answer the question.
	2024.
	Who's your ideal president and vice president?
	DeSantis is probably the president, and then vice president.
	I haven't even thought too much about.
	All right.
	That's a great question.
	Thanks for calling.
	And I'm not trying to disrespect you by saying thanks for calling and hanging up on you.
	I just want to clear the airwave so we can discuss this.
	Where were we discussing this?
	Was it at the bar?
	At the White Bride?
	Yeah.
	No, that was on Kumi's show.
	Oh.
	So.
	Trump is a lot older than he was four years ago.
	He's going to be 78.
	He's not running.
	No way.
	You don't think he's running?
	No.
	I'm kind of getting comfortable with the idea of Ron DeSantis as P, and the VP is a pence guy you've never heard of.
	Right.
	Like you said, a piece of white.
	Like, what's his name?
	Remember the guy who farted and fucked a spy?
	A Jesus with no beard.
	Eric Smalwell?
	Eric Swalwell.
	A right-wing Eric Swalwell.
	Like Matt Goetz.
	Right, that'd be pretty good.
	What about DeSantis and Matt Goetz?
	But I love Meesome Trump.
	I'm kind of, I love him too.
	He's the funnest president we've ever had.
	He's not going to run.
	Still is.
	But A, he might not run.
	He's going to be whoever is.
	I have a few beefs, like the big tech centers, ship, the lack of a wall.
	Like, I got a lot of beefs.
	Well, he was trying as hard as to get the wall done.
	Was he?
	Didn't look like a lot of wall.
	Talk to Ann Coulter about the wall.
	And also, the election fraud.
	Like, they kept the election fraud didn't happen overnight.
	They had been slowly chipping away at our process for his entire fucking presidency.
	And he was just like, what's going on now?
	Without following the Constitution, without a democratic process, you changed the terms in this state and that state?
	That's not good.
	Why'd you let that happen?
	So I got a lot of beef.
	Because the states govern themselves.
	It's not up to the federal government.
	You know, when I loved him in 2016, part of it was like Johnny Roton is president.
	And fuck you all.
	We're wrecking the system.
	Like when they would, you know, when the Rolling Stones would trash a hotel.
	I didn't want Trump to trash America, but I wanted Trump to trash the White House.
	And I liked that the sex pistols were in the White House.
	But now, with critical race theory, 1619 project, trillion-dollar coins, $3.5 trillion Build Back Better plans, now it's not a matter of like, fuck this hotel.
	Now it's like, I want hotels to exist in the future.
	Like Nick Fuentes getting kicked off a flight makes me very uncomfortable.
	The fact that the FBI is totally focused on people who criticize the state and oblivious to Antifa and jihadists and anyone else, that's discerning.
	Disconcerting, I should say.
	So I kind of wanted DeSantis in there.
	Let me put it this way.
	I would prefer DeSantis to Trump.
	Yes, 100%.
	Trump doesn't have a shot.
	He can't run.
	Trump was a different...
	2016 was a different culture.
	2016 was a Sex Pistols in 1977.
	This is much more serious now.
	This is Venezuela.
	This is Cuba.
	This is like we're about to lose this not just country.
	This is face of the nation.
	This culture.
	Because America defines Western culture.
	So if America's done, there's no West.
	There's no Western Europe.
	There's no nothing.
	Communists don't have a place to escape to.
	And I'm not sure Trump is up for that.
	I'll tell you what I'm not totally adverse to is DeSantis as P and Donald Trump Jr. as VP.
	But he doesn't, I mean, there's no history of him.
	I know, I know, I know.
	But the VP is a very important thing.
	It's not a logical.
	It's a logic thing.
	I'm embarrassed.
	It's not his bad.
	But it exists as a theory.
	And look, I don't like monarchies.
	I don't like children becoming politicians.
	I hated that Justin Trudeau was prime minister.
	But it seems to work.
	Maybe DeSantis and Dan Crenshaw.
	Yeah, I like that too.
	I like that too.
	There's a lot of Mike Pencees in the wings that could be good milquetoast blank slates for Ron DeSantis.
	White table.
	That's what Kamala Harris was.
	No one knew who she was.
	She was just a brown woman who laughed a lot.
	There's not one single person in America, I swear to God, I'm going to say this, out of 331 million, out of 80 million voters, there's not one voter in America who voted for Biden who could name one of Kamala Harris's policies.
	And furthermore, who would be like, I love what she did with healthcare in fucking Missouri.
	Like no one clicked a box going, Kamala Harris is my gal and I love the way she handled blah, blah, blah.
	None of them.
	When blacks voted for Obama, none of them were like, I got to hand it to Obama.
	He really knows his gun control.
	They were just like, I'm black, he's black, boop.
	And that's got to be like a 99% average.
	Anyway.
	Yeah, and you also have to take into consideration that if Donald Trump...
	Brian, that's green.
	You look like you are a booger.
	Jack Pesobic is a little green.
	No, dude.
	You've got to fix that.
	That's ruining the whole bit.
	No, he's a little green.
	It's distracting.
	It's slime.
	You look like Shrek.
	You look like a gorgeous Shrek.
	Yeah, I'm.
	What's my name again?
	Yeah.
	Pesob Shrek.
	I'm leaving it till you correct that screen.
	What is his name again?
	I'm going to Shrek.
	Jack Pessob Shrek.
	There we go.
	Maddie, you want to take a call?
	Sure.
	Oh, you disappeared.
	No, go ahead.
	Justin wants to talk about Howard Stern, Frank.
	Howard Stern!
	Hey, what's up, guys?
	Hey, what's going on?
	It's Maddie.
	Hey, guys.
	Just, Gavin, I heard you were listening to Howard again.
	Gavin's actually not here right now.
	So if you just wait a second.
	He stepped off.
	But you are talking to Jack Pesobshrek.
	Jack Pesobcheck.
	I invited him, you know, Robin.
	Did you hear what Kumio said?
	Kumio said about him yesterday, any chance?
	About Howard Stern or Jack Pesobshrek?
	I'm a Howard Stern.
	Oh, but Howard Stern.
	Oh, Gavin's back.
	The whole like October thing that's going on?
	No.
	Cocktober.
	This is about Howard Stern.
	Gavin?
	Thanks for calling, buddy.
	All right, see you, man.
	Thanks a lot.
	October, Howard Stern.
	No, we're not doing that.
	But here's another thing with Ron DeSantis and all that stuff.
	Okay, so Ron DeSantis and Matt Goetz win.
	All right?
	What's the first thing?
	Secure the borders.
	Yes.
	Abolish critical race theory and any kind of left-wing propaganda in schools.
	Yes.
	Now what?
	Stop this overspending.
	Try to get the debt under control.
	Deal with inflation.
	Deal with abolish welfare, like get jobs going again, stop all the favors.
	Get people off the government tape.
	Basically, trivialize the squad.
	Ilan Omar, AOC, they have to be devalued.
	They have to be mocked.
	They have to be ridiculed.
	They can't have the power they have.
	She's a big part of the Build Back Better thing.
	AOC.
	AOC.
	And that's a major problem because it's $20,000 per American that she's just dancing around flaunting.
	So just because we, here's one thing I learned about Trump in 2016.
	Just because we win doesn't mean we won.
	I remember Goad, like, this was, it was really fucking fun in 2016.
	But in 2017, Jim Goad called me and he's like, can you believe we won?
	Doesn't feel like it.
	Well, that's the thing.
	Nothing's going to drastically change overnight.
	Because you need both sides of the aisle to accomplish stuff.
	Yeah.
	First of all, I mean...
	So the other side of the aisle has to become remotely sane at some point.
	Like, where are the sane liberals?
	Where's the fucking Cornell West and the Dave Rubens in Congress?
	In cinema, is the only sane liberal, and she's getting fucking accosted every time she wants to take a shit.
	Not that women shit.
	I meant P. All right, next caller.
	I would like to say that Maddie got us a new CO2 cartridge tank for the keg.
	The problem is it's so fucking new that it pours a beer in one second.
	Talking about getting some head.
	Can you get me a beer?
	Absolutely.
	Is that a...
	Not too much to ask.
	Too much to ask?
	Absolutely.
	We got a guy on the line talking about college.
	Sure, yeah.
	Talking about what?
	College?
	College.
	College, baby.
	Wasted time.
	Trade school.
	You're on the line, my man.
	Don't fledge it up.
	You should be, you should go to college if you're on the spectrum.
	If you are a freak and you can understand chemistry, I never understood one fucking millisecond of chemistry.
	Those weird hexagons with the thing, with the line that comes from them, and then the CE.
	Dude, I was stupider than Ryan when it came to chemistry.
	I actually looked into this.
	Ryan's actually not stupid.
	There's a lot of data and points to back this up, but that is funny, Gavin.
	But no, he's actually a very smart guy.
	Oh, I get it now.
	Okay, I see you're Dr. Sobic.
	Dude, your leather face is too distracting.
	What are you talking about?
	You're a tan mom, Pesobic.
	No, I'm regular Pesobic.
	No, you're fucking tan mom.
	I got the voice down.
	No, it's not working, dude.
	You're fucking blacker than Wesley Snipes.
	Thank you, sir.
	Yo, what up?
	I'm black tech Pesobic.
	I'm Black Pesobic.
	Black Pesobic works.
	That's a character.
	So, yo, listen.
	Hey, yo, basically, the Russia leaks are...
	They're not hot fire right now.
	They're kind of...
	We're sleeping on those.
	You know, I enjoy your silly imitations, but I'm also furious that I've been begging you to get that shit together for three years.
	And you finally did it.
	That's true.
	Well, it was impossible before.
	But now you're leather.
	I mean, there is a leather factor.
	Do you do a Maddie Odell?
	No, I would never do that.
	Wait, is that going to kill you?
	He would kill me, yeah.
	He says he won't kill me, and then here's what happens.
	And then he kills me.
	I'm Jack Osopic.
	Okay.
	It's pretty good.
	Gotta say.
	Me?
	This guy's...
	Alright, fuck that guy.
	I'm sorry, sir.
	You were listening to the radio.
	Ryan Costa Rica, this man says.
	Oh, I like Costa Rica.
	And Ryan.
	Holy fucking shit, there's a bat right there.
	Holy fucking shit, there's a bat.
	Oh, yeah, that was scary.
	I fucking love that story, man.
	The Rolling Stones play satisfaction at every show.
	Never stop with the stories.
	That fucking story of your buddies throwing a scissor block at a car and you guys hiding in the street.
	Fucking my favorite story of all time.
	We don't speak anymore, by the way.
	Me and Steve Durand.
	He contributed to that Vanity Fair article, and I was like, that's okay.
	He didn't say anything too bad.
	But he goes, you know what?
	I've always been about spreading peace, and you've been about spreading hate.
	And I'm like, first of all, you haven't spread shit.
	You played in Melissa Oftermar's band for an hour and a half.
	No one asked you your opinions on anything.
	And secondly, all this hate you're saying I spread was like, fight back.
	If a tranny spits in your face, punch them or choke them.
	And then he goes, Yeah, but you should have known that would be taken out of context.
	I don't fucking care.
	I'm not going to say, Don't choke a tranny who spits in your face because someone might just put the choke a tranny part out there.
	Fuck that.
	There's a great saying.
	He said, I'm not responsible.
	I mean, I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.
	Yeah.
	Fuck off.
	And of course, you know, every time you hear about a villain, you look him up and you go, oh, actually, you're pretty reasonable.
	Absolutely true.
	Well, look, my question was, how is the baby monster base doing?
	Like, is it growing?
	I remember you guys were up to like 25,000 at one point.
	I'm going to be totally honest with you.
	It's stagnant.
	It has not budged from 25,000 in months.
	I've tried to get so many friends to subscribe.
	Some of the guys I work with go, we need to do a telethon with all of the contributors where we go like 48 hours and they all do a thing and try to get subs up.
	And then I can't.
	I mean, we've got to win the culture award.
	I'm not good at business.
	So my thing was like, maybe 25,000 is my number.
	And no more than 25,000 people will ever be interested in what I have to say.
	You know, when we did bites, Shane Smith noticed, the guy that was at the Deontay Welder fight, he's like, we can't seem to get beyond 10,000 copies in Montreal.
	And I was like, well, I'm not changing.
	I'm not getting any less weird.
	And he goes, okay, I can work with that because he's such a great salesman.
	So he goes, I'm going to have 10,000 copies in Montreal, Calgary, Winnipeg, Vancouver, Okta Yuktuk, and every Canadian city.
	And then I'm going to break into the American market.
	And 10,000 in every city in the world will be a lot of people.
	Yeah.
	So maybe that's, maybe, maybe I should try to get Shane Smith back.
	Shane, if you're watching, are you interested in me rehiring you as my top salesman?
	Please, please, please, please, please.
	I hope he's watching.
	He probably is.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling.
	What a good song that is.
	It's pleasant.
	What a great band.
	We got Justin on the line in just one second.
	Just in case.
	In case what?
	I have a buddy.
	His name, I call him Snakeface.
	I'm forgetting his real name now.
	Ryan.
	Ryan and Marcy in New Orleans.
	And his dad was a successful cruise entertainer.
	And he played the piano and he had a big club.
	His name was Justin Case.
	Justin?
	Oh, I see.
	Justin Town.
	Justin Case.
	And he would entertain you.
	He wasn't a great dad.
	Didn't pay a lot of attention to my buddy Snakeface, but he paid a lot of attention to old ladies on a cruise.
	Thanks.
	Sir, you're on the list.
	A lot of tips.
	Justin.
	Not Justin Time.
	But we never talk about your dad, Maddie.
	Hello?
	Oh, okay.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello.
	Justin.
	Not Justin, dude.
	Whatever your name is.
	Anyway, whatever.
	I got a bunch of freaks on TikTok to shout out their baby monsters.
	I sent it to the mailbag, and Ryan's going back too.
	Oh, okay, great.
	Thank you very much.
	I got a dude to say.
	Wait, wait, I sent another one to this.
	This dude, I got him to sing The Bird That Is the Bald Eagle.
	You got what?
	I got a dude to sing The Bird That Is the Bald Eagle while he plays guitar.
	You sound black.
	No, I'm James.
	You're James?
	No, I'm Latino.
	Oh, you're Latino.
	Where are you from?
	I'm from Queens, but my parents are from Columbia.
	You grew up in Queens?
	Yeah.
	And where are you now?
	Miami.
	Why'd you leave Queens for Miami?
	My mom's job had moved, and we had a bunch of family there.
	When did you leave Queens?
	Like five years ago?
	Courtesy?
	You know that sandwich joint?
	What's it called?
	Ana Maria?
	Anta Clary?
	Anti.
	No, I grew up close to the East New York.
	What even?
	That's not a nice part of town.
	This is East New York.
	I was eight, some jewelers got murdered.
	What happened?
	When I was eight, I was walking down Jamaica Avenue and some...
	There was like a bunch of tape outside the jewelry store.
	The one jewelry store we had there and the guy had gotten murdered like the night before.
	I knew it.
	Yeah.
	It's not a nice place to grow up.
	I'm glad your parents got you the fuck out of that shithole, which, by the way, is about a mile from where we are right now.
	Nice.
	All right.
	Thanks, sir.
	Wait.
	What was the first three letters of your email?
	Fade, Faye 2.
	Oh, okay.
	It's both.
	It's one for the baby mattress and one for the bald eagle.
	Gosh, okay.
	All right, thanks for it.
	Thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling, bud.
	Thank you.
	Yes, sir.
	The bird which is the bald eagle.
	Isn't it funny that that's become our entire identity?
	The bird.
	Which is the bald eagle.
	The bird which is the bald eagle.
	The thing I love about it, the reason it resonates is because it's someone full of shit.
	Filonius doesn't give a fuck about George Floyd.
	He doesn't give a fuck about...
	Like if my brother was killed and there was an argument about, you know, endangered species, I would be out there furious going, we're talking about endangered species every day.
	We've got the bald eagle.
	We can't kill the bald eagle.
	My brother was part of a group that is killed on a minutely basis.
	And he's not on a list.
	We are in a culture right now where animals have a higher fucking priority than human beings.
	You can't kill a bird.
	Oh, God Forbid, but you can shoot my brother in the head as opposed to the bird which is the ball.
	Like, he's never even, he hasn't thought about George Floyd in 10 years.
	He's thinking about him now as he counts that money.
	Yep.
	Hey, Flonius, I'm here in Detroit.
	Okay, who this?
	I'm with your brother.
	I'm going to pay you $1 million if I can just squeeze this trigger and put a bullet through your brother's head.
	Which brother is it?
	George?
	Who George?
	George.
	I don't even know how to brother.
	George Floyd.
	I'm Filonius Floyd.
	Oh, George.
	Oh, no, no, I know, George.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Shoot him.
	All right.
	You listening?
	Yeah, I'm listening.
	So is this like Western Union?
	What happens?
	How does it come over?
	How does it get here?
	Or his fucking cunt girlfriend, who's known as Mama.
	When he was saying, help, Mama, he meant his girlfriend.
	How about the $40 million she's raised?
	That junkie loser Fentano bitch.
	Hey, I can take the $40 million and bring George back.
	I can put it in a revitalization machine.
	Are you in?
	Maybe later.
	Let's just...
	Hang on to this for a little bit.
	You know what?
	Let's invest it now.
	And then later it'll be like 80 million.
	And then George and I can have 40 after you revitalize them.
	Oh, the machine only lasts for one year.
	Okay, well, check back in with me in a year.
	So I got a couple here.
	These are all the ones we got.
	I have a feeling he sent these in, and we already showed the ones he had.
	I don't care about these.
	Well, that one's funny.
	Green hair.
	The bird, which is the bald eagle.
	What does that even mean?
	That's a dude.
	Oh, God.
	That's a dude, bro.
	That's a dude.
	Remember the people we would bully in high school?
	Like, you'd bully someone for having a mole on their earlobe.
	Hey, fucking shit earring.
	Now you have tits and green hair and high-heel shoes.
	I remember that we, well, I went to the Earl of March High School in Canada, Ontario, and we were way out in the suburbs, but we were so far out in the suburbs that we're in the country.
	And we were near an area called Carp.
	And I guess named after the fish.
	The Carpies were a weird group of rednecks.
	They'd wear their ski jackets.
	Downhill skiing in Canada is a redneck thing.
	It's like hunting and fishing, I guess, in the South.
	So they would have their ski jackets on and they'd have their hats.
	They'd wear their baseball hats like you could blow them off their heads.
	They were barely touching their heads, right on top of their heads.
	And they'd wear their whatever fucking work boots and shit.
	And they would come up to us, the punks, and they go, I'm going to shave your fucking head.
	You need a haircut.
	Meanwhile, our heads were shaved.
	Like there was nothing to shave.
	I didn't even understand what the fuck they were talking about.
	So they were mad at us for being slightly alternative fashionistas.
	We didn't have tits.
	We did not insist they use pronouns.
	Like, it's time to bring back some bullying.
	We would bully each other.
	One time I went up to Kim Gustafson and I pulled up her dress over her head and everyone saw her panties.
	I don't know why I did it.
	It was fucking stupid.
	I'm embarrassed of it.
	I was 14, 1984.
	And then all my friends took me outside and beat me up.
	Because that was a stupid, horrible thing to do.
	There you go.
	Handle.
	Old school the next day, like nothing happened.
	And I think I know why.
	That's good.
	And I think I know why.
	Okay, let's hear you, Maddie.
	And I think I know why.
	That's what's funny.
	It's all the why.
	And I think I know why.
	And I think I know why.
	And I think I know why.
	I believe it's three.
	Let's hear.
	And I think I know why.
	Why?
	Why?
	The second one has a big emphasis.
	And I know why.
	And I think I know why.
	It's not really one, two, three.
	It's one, boom, three.
	And it clips.
	And then the third one is very subtle.
	And I think I know why.
	Oh, you cheater.
	Fuck you.
	What are you talking about?
	You liar, you fucking 12-year-old at Harvard.
	And I think I know why.
	And I think I know why.
	He gets a little grippy.
	You added one.
	It's only three.
	And the second one is huge.
	And I think I know why.
	That was terrible.
	And I think I know why.
	Why?
	And I think I know why.
	Everything is on the second and the why.
	And I think I know why.
	Why?
	I think that's true.
	Like he really, all his eggs are in the second Y basket.
	And I think I know why.
	No way.
	And I think I know why.
	Yeah, he loves that second Y. And I think I know why.
	And I think I know why.
	That was good.
	That was a good one.
	Dude, that was one of the best ones.
	I got to clip that.
	And I think I know why.
	Oh, now I'm too drunk.
	It's soft in the front.
	I know in my head the physics of it, but I can't.
	I think I know why.
	And then it's time to party.
	After the why, he's like, ha.
	It has a big old, great old time, white people suck.
	And then the last one is just like, can people leave, please?
	It's time to go.
	You don't have to go home, but you got to go.
	It was the last call of his why.
	It was like, ha.
	The front, the second one is like, because you know it gets so grumpy at the end, you want to hit the front end a little harder.
	And I think I know why.
	But the front is pretty soft.
	It's all clapping.
	It's like when you hear Van Halen's Panama, you want to play it hard, but he actually plays it pretty soft.
	And I think I know Panama.
	And I think I know Panama.
	And I think I know why.
	So he seduces us with his first wah.
	And I think I know wah.
	And you're like, oh, you're a friend?
	And then he's like, motherfuckers, you think you own the planet?
	You don't.
	You're a racist.
	And then we go, and then as you're walking in, he goes, I'm like, Tupac Rover.
	You fucked up.
	You fell into my trap.
	You should watch Sesame Street more.
	You should play this many times.
	You should watch.
	And I think I know why.
	Oh, fuck.
	We got Jimmy on the line.
	Or Tony.
	I'm sorry, Tony.
	Jimmy on the Line is the name of our show from now on.
	Get Off My Lawn is Dead.
	It's now called Jimmy on the Line.
	Hey, David, first time caller, longtime listener.
	How are you?
	Great.
	How are you?
	Hey, a couple of mind-blowing things.
	I think the vaccine is spreading COVID.
	The numbers don't make sense.
	They're going up, even though 70% of the country has been vaccinated.
	The deaths are going up.
	So I think their whole goal is everyone's got to get COVID or 90% of the country.
	Everyone I know has gotten vaccinated to the, all of a sudden their wife gets it or their kids get it like a month after they get the vaccine.
	And that whole sloughing of the virus that Alex Jones mentioned months and months ago, I think that's what it is.
	They were like, we just all got to get it.
	And once we have herd immunity, we're good.
	We're going to lose a few.
	And then secondly, it'll never be Matt Gates with DeSantis because in any presidency in the history of the United States, they've never, VP and president never come from the same state.
	I'm thinking more Tim Scott because we'll go for the black vote again, you know, capitulation.
	The RMC will make the pick, you know.
	And I'm thinking Noel, South Dakota, but I think they're like, we're never doing another woman governor like, you know, from a small state like they did with Sarah Pillan.
	You know, the Alaska governor, you know, with McCain.
	And so, anyways, those are a couple other points.
	Okay, sorry, sorry.
	Let me make something clear to you.
	You get one thing.
	So we are completely ignoring your second thing.
	We're deleting it.
	Okay, you can't.
	We're going to delete it in post.
	But the first thing was interesting.
	And I think that, like, the antibodies say that you're better at fighting COVID, right, than the vaccine.
	So isn't it in a bizarre way, and I'm thinking outside the box here, isn't it in a bizarre way, it's kind of good to pretend everyone is immune and get them the disease so they can get COVID?
	Like, aren't we at the point now where it's good to have COVID?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	No, it is.
	So if the vaccine gives you COVID, isn't that good?
	Yeah, exactly.
	So that's crazy.
	That's the game plan, but they didn't want to tell everyone that.
	They're like, because it's not a vaccine.
	A vaccine, we've gone through this.
	Like, if you get the chickenpox vaccine, you don't get chicken pumps.
	You get the mumps vaccine.
	You don't get the mumps.
	So wait a minute, caller.
	You're saying here that the powers that be are actually trying to help us.
	It's benevolent.
	They're trying to give us COVID because that's the best thing you can do.
	Because I'm convinced.
	I tested negative, but after coming back from Vegas, I'm convinced I had COVID.
	I'd never tasted a beer that tasted like Perrier before.
	I'd never done a...
	I ingested hot sauce.
	It hurt my tongue, but that was it.
	I'd never experienced that before in my 51 years of life.
	And now I feel like a million bucks.
	I'm convinced I had it.
	I feel great.
	I'm excited.
	So wait a minute.
	In your version of events, these evil globalists who control the world are helping us.
	No, I'm not saying that they're evil.
	I'm saying they can't tell us the truth.
	They're like, if we tell everyone that we all need to get it, it's going to freak out.
	Well, that's good.
	That's benevolent.
	They're helping us develop antibodies.
	Yeah, no, exactly.
	I don't think they want to kill off the earth.
	I think the powers of D are trying to help.
	I do think China leaked it out of a lab, and I do think we're in World War III.
	We just don't know it yet.
	It's like if you have like, your girlfriend got raped and got AIDS from the rapist, and you call the police, and they're like, what the hell happened?
	She has AIDS, okay?
	And you're like, yeah, it was this guy.
	Here's the description.
	And they're like, no, no, no, no.
	We don't care who gave it to you.
	We just want to give you an antidote to fix the AIDS.
	And it's like, no, no, but we want the guy that did all this, raping, you know, caught.
	We need him brought to justice.
	No, no, no.
	The media worldwide is afraid of China.
	They're scared to death to be like, China leaked it from a lab because you're forced to go to World War III at that point because there's going to be ramifications.
	And China's going to say, fuck you.
	Let's just say Europe and North America said, you owe us $30 trillion for COVID, but leak.
	They would just say, fuck you.
	How do you get someone to pay that owes you a debt?
	You have to arrest them or use military cars or something.
	Dude, if I owed you $100 and you wrecked my kitchen, you broke a $100 chair in my kitchen, I would say, we're even.
	And you can go fuck yourself.
	Like, why don't we just say, I know we're in debt to you, but you're in debt to me now.
	I don't understand why there is not a class action suit against China With all these countries, Italy, Germany, Britain, America, going, you fucked my entire world up.
	I'm not paying you back until you pay me back.
	China has 4% of our debt.
	It's $1 trillion.
	Almost $1.1.
	I thought it was more than that.
	I'm looking it up right now, Maddie.
	We have a $28 trillion debt, and China owes us or owns $1.1 trillion of it.
	So we owe ourselves all that money.
	Trillion dollar coins.
	Yeah, it's like that would pay for like a quarter of one of our COVID stimuluses if we said, yes, we're defaulting on that.
	And then you've got to worry about what that would do to the capital markets and the stock market.
	It would crash everything overnight.
	Yeah.
	So that's the same problem because now no one can trust us that we'll pay our debts because we might just say, you started COVID or COVID 2025.
	So we don't owe you any money, Denmark.
	Yeah, but they're never going to, like you said, there's never going to be a class action shoot.
	No one's ever going to do anything because, you know, Trump handled China with stern actions and Biden is a pussy.
	No doubt about it.
	I mean, Trump right on his way out said, we're just going to cancel our debt and we're going to give them a debt, just like Gavin said.
	And then a month later, he was out of office.
	China knew they couldn't assassinate him or it'd be World War III, but they're like, we could release a pandemic on the world.
	And that probably would get us in less trouble than assassinating Trump.
	Let's just kill millions of people.
	I've got to say, that's amazing.
	We only owe China a trillion, and we're in debt.
	The last time I checked in on the debt, it was $15, $16 trillion.
	It's $28?
	Yes.
	And, you know, Democrats are trying to pass this $3.5 trillion bill, which has nothing to do with infrastructure, and then they have the infrastructure bill.
	And so they want to add like $5 million to that, just 20% increase, like overnight with two bills.
	No big deal.
	It's just like George W. Bush and the whole history of the United States debt combined.
	I mean, that's one thing about George W. Remember George W. Bush was like the crazy spending machine because he spent like $4 billion.
	And they added up all the presidents before him.
	And they go, no one can hold a candle to George W. Bush.
	Clinton was considered, they always said he made money for America, but all he did was not spend as much as they thought he would.
	And then after that, it just went kaboom.
	Yeah.
	Well, a contract with America was a big deal in 1994 with Newt Gingrich.
	You know, he held Clinton hostage.
	He was a lame duck, and Newt was like, we're not going to pass anything that doesn't balance the budget.
	So they kind of, Clinton was kind of forced to drop spending or at least free spending.
	And then he did raise taxes more than George H. Bush did.
	And that's another interesting, you know who fucked the United States more than anyone?
	Ross Perot.
	Ross Perot, if he want to run, George H. Bush would have won a second term hands down.
	But he stole like, look it up, like 13% of the Republicans away.
	So it was like Clinton 39.
	George Senior.
	Do you think George Sr. is good for America?
	Well, I'm just saying when Clinton got in, that's when the feminism took off.
	Hillary Clinton, the Democrats got a stronghold.
	That's when it all changed.
	And if George H. Bush wins that election, Perot doesn't fuck it all up, then we would have had four more years of George H. Bush.
	They wouldn't have got their stronghold.
	Feminism wouldn't have took hold.
	We would have been more like the 1980s than the 1960s.
	And then the 1960s just ate everything up.
	I don't want to brag, but I get the vibe from you talking that you use the same driver as Tiger Woods.
	The Sim2.
	And that's made by who?
	I think it's Calawa.
	Okay, the Sim2, the Sim X doesn't have the same flexibility as the Sim 2.
	And I just bought a Sim 2 without...
	Sorry, a Sim X I bought.
	You sound like you have a Sim 2.
	Am I correct?
	You're correct, sir.
	I don't know how you just knew that.
	Now, I...
	Yeah, well, 70% of the guys at my country club use a Sim2, though.
	Okay, so here's what I've noticed.
	Number one.
	I had a massive problem with bending to the right.
	Every time I hit it with my...
	And I got the Sim Max, and it is an incredible club, and Tiger Woods is right to use it.
	But what I was noticing is every, at the driving range, everything went to the far right.
	Right?
	As people politically tend to do.
	You know what I did?
	I moved the Sim Max over 10 inches from the ball.
	So now I'm hitting it as it's sort of leaving my swing.
	Guess what happened?
	300 down the middle.
	Okay, not 300, 200 yards, but down the fucking middle.
	If you are bending right or bending left, go farther from the ball or closer to the ball.
	And it's been a game changer.
	Anyway, I have no idea who you are.
	Thank you for calling in.
	It's been inspiring.
	The Sim to the Sim Max are fantastic drivers.
	They look like salad bowls, really.
	As long as you're not like, do that marathon.
	Do that marathon, man.
	You really got to do that marathon.
	That's what you're talking about.
	Thanks for calling.
	Goodbye.
	As long as you're not a simp, right?
	I mean, because you know, we, and by the way, we do owe China a lot of money.
	We do.
	But, I mean, how much Chinese food do we buy?
	We buy a lot, right?
	So, I mean, I think it's pretty much kind of, it's even at this point, we can pretty much call the debt a squash at that point.
	Oh, Nick Fuentes.
	Yeah.
	Say the bird which is the bald eagle.
	The bird which is the bald eagle.
	That's just great.
	That's just great.
	Nick is the first person on this show today who is not made of green leather.
	Personally, I would never be made of green leather.
	You know, you should have made prosthetic fingers that go out four inches longer than yours.
	You're saying that he has long fingers.
	Wait, what do you mean he?
	I thought you were him.
	Well, when you talk about me, I mean, it's definitely like a different person, right?
	I mean, so there's that.
	You know, that's pretty fun.
	But, you know, overall, generally, my fingers are pretty wild.
	I mean, they do bend backwards pretty wildly when I do make pontifications and things like that.
	But honestly, yeah, my fingers are actually fairly normal if you really do look at the numbers.
	And they're there.
	You can look them up on your own mucking and walk you through that.
	But yeah, sure, absolutely.
	You know, that's fine.
	Nick Fuentes exists because of me, and I'm very proud of my prodigy.
	Anyway, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	What amazes he?

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