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Oct. 8, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
36:19
GOML LIVE #118 - WASTED AND ON COKE (Part 1)

Our three Musketeers of Inebriation plow through the 2024 election and the bird which is the bald eagle.

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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes. it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
*Music* That was every ACDC song ever written.
They are all exactly the same.
With few exceptions.
I mean, Thunderstruck, that was pretty recent, right?
That one's different.
For those about to rock, Hell's Bells.
Highway to Hell, Dirty Deeds.
They got a lot of fucking hits.
I've got big balls.
I've got big balls, but when you put on, like, for those about to rock, when you put on the album, you have to sometimes double check that the song's changed.
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
Welcome back, Matty O'Dell.
What's up, everybody?
Back from the grave.
Yes, sir.
Didn't die.
You know, it took its toll.
It's been, uh, it hasn't been the best, but it's not the worst.
Are you fully recovered now?
I still have a little fluid in my right lung.
Can you, like, do you feel a hundred percent?
Um, like I said, like after sleeping all night, like when I get up in the morning, I feel a little like fluid in there and I got to get up and start moving around and hack up a little bit.
Huh.
But it's pretty common with the procedure.
Okay.
So you're good to go.
And Ryan, you feel good?
Yeah, I feel great.
Good to see you.
We noticed you lost the only interesting thing that you've ever done, which is have a mullet.
And he shaved.
This is a filter.
No mustache.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, my wife was like, I have a brand new husband.
I was like, well, what do you think?
She's like, you look like a child.
He's a really, you look like a prodigy.
You look like a 12 year old who goes to Harvard.
Yeah, and I'm learning my skills to produce.
I'm an intern.
You look like there's a bunch of guys who work at Raytheon and are trying to figure out why this drone is flying sideways, the one that's headed to Saudi Arabia to kill our enemies.
And then you show up and you're super shy because you're on the spectrum.
And you go, maybe it's nothing to do with the interface.
Maybe this is just the actual propellers.
I'm the guy in the movie where they go to the guy like, I know a guy.
And then it's like, Mom!
Like I'm in the basement, but a prodigy.
It's like that movie I just I saw recently.
It wasn't recent, actually, where they go to Mars.
I think it was the Martian.
No, it was later than that.
And they're like, I don't know what to do.
We got this.
We're trying to go to Mars.
We got to get back and they're going to die of old age.
And we need a brilliant scientist, you know, the smartest guy in the world.
And then it's like, Hi, I'm the This Is America rapper.
What?
Oh, it's him.
Donald.
Donald Glover or whatever his name is.
And he's like, I don't know, 30, 13.
No, I guess he's 30 in the movie.
But like, ah, every fucking.
Look, I'm sorry we keep talking about racism on this show, but it's up our noses like this fucking shooter.
School shooter.
Remember Columbine?
You sure do.
You'll never forget it.
This guy comes in, shoots up a school.
The takeaway is I don't know.
I mean, he was under a lot of pressure.
He was being bullied.
Now he's out on bail.
And the story is leaving the news.
Sorry.
So he shot up a school.
Why are we playing the blame game?
I saw some tweet.
I could send it to you where this woman goes.
I will send it to you.
She goes, he's just a baby.
I feel sorry for his parents.
Imagine what they're going through?
Having a son who tried to murder a bunch of people?
That must be so stressful for them.
God forbid.
How about if he had a fucking MAGA hat on?
How long would that story be staying in the fucking news?
Uh, I just sent it to you.
Speaking of MAGA hats, I am very happy to announce new shirts.
Now, everyone is making these shirts.
It's going to become the motto of 2021, but our shirts are better than everyone else's shirts.
And I'm gonna make it a, it's a bumper sticker too.
Go, so go down, go, oh yeah, you got it.
He's just a baby.
My heart goes out to his parents and the school.
These kids need guidance, not a jail cell.
Help these kids.
My heart breaks for everyone.
He's 18 and shot four people.
He's not a baby.
He didn't have to do a baby deed.
He didn't do a baby deed.
This goes back to a joke I used to do with my buddy Marcus in college and tree planting mostly.
Actually, he never went to college, but I was of that age.
And we'd go, oh!
The Zulus are killing the Hulus who are attacking the Hutsis who are killing the Tutsis.
Oh, my heart bleeds for Africa.
She's doing our guy.
Our joke is her reality.
But yeah, speaking of Trump, check out our new shirts.
Let's go, Brandon.
I don't have a physical copy with me or I'd be wearing it.
I got a new Macputer and I want to put the sticker on that.
But go to our shop, Ryan.
Do you know about this even?
No.
Aren't they beautiful?
That is nice.
That's retro and nice.
And NASCAR.
See, I've seen a lot of people doing their shirts and they just write, let's go Brandon.
That ignores the impetus.
And our buddy, I don't know if he wants us to say his name.
We'll call him Mike.
He made the O and E. Now this guy's a fucking Mexican.
Oh, gotcha.
And he's that good at graphic design and that smart.
Brilliant.
So stop shitting on Mexicans all the time.
At least one of them is talented.
They are.
They're not setting their best, but we have their best.
We hire the exceptions to the rule.
We have the one good Mexican in the world.
And it comes in black.
Now, the fun thing about black is, it's a totally different color scheme.
Not totally different, but... Uh-oh.
We don't have a preview for the black page?
Yeah, you gotta go back to the main page.
Yeah, go back a page.
Right there.
Well, that's the sticker, but that will tell you everything you need to know.
No, click on the sticker.
Okay.
So go back.
Yeah, click on that.
So that, you know, it's white text.
That is a good, it makes the, yeah, the blue and the red pop.
Absolutely.
That's kind of fierce.
I like that.
I saw this 1982 M series BMW that I want to get.
It's 12 grand, a hundred thousand miles.
My son wrecked his.
You're kidding me.
Sent me a video the other day.
It's completely totaled.
Yeah.
Dude.
He said the steering, the steering shaft snapped or something.
That's the end of that.
You're not going to get a new steering shaft.
I didn't even want to know how fast you were going or where.
That boy of yours, it's constantly getting into all kinds of, I don't know where he gets it from.
He sold it already.
I called him today.
I said, what are you doing about the car?
It's already sold.
Sold already.
I go, how much did you get for it?
He goes, a lot more than I paid for it.
Really?
Oh yeah.
Oh, was that the one you got the crazy deal on that was like, it was a family discount.
Yeah.
Cause I heard they take a lot of these cars, like the flood cars and they auction them off and they sell them in Saudi Arabia and these turd world countries will rebuild what they call salvage titles in there.
You know, it puts a little, not that they're not worthy of driving or anything, but they're just the values decreased.
Well, you should see this 1982 beast.
It's just from up the road in, uh, I don't know, B word, uh, New York.
And, but I was just thinking the reason I bring it up is, yeah, that's what it looks like, but you can't, uh, that's exactly what it looks like.
And it's black.
You can't put bumper stickers on that, right?
No.
That wasn't a thing in 1982.
Yeah, when did bumper stickers come out?
Feels like the 90s.
People think they're gay, but I think they make it easy to find your car.
We had bumper stickers all over my mother's station wagon growing up.
Yeah.
Look at that fucking beauty they just showed.
They.
Ryan.
Those are my pronouns.
How the fuck can we not have that back again?
Why is this such a crazy... I honestly feel like a faggot in 1950.
And I'm like, can you not suck one cock?
How could you guys be so obsessed with pussies?
They look like an alien's face.
Don't you want dicks?
Look how gorgeous dicks are.
I honestly feel like that.
Nothing, Matty?
Yeah, I mean, listen.
I feel the same way about motorcycles.
I love motorcycles, you know.
Cars are still beautiful motorcycles.
Yeah, there's still like modern Harleys that look like they're from 1950 Like, like, motorcycles have expanded to the crotch rocket thing, right?
Which your Triumph is kind of, like a Japanese looking thing, no offense.
But, they've still maintained the range.
And there's still like beautiful Moto Guzis, what do you call those things?
That's a brand.
They're fucking beautiful.
So there's still beautiful classic bikes, but there's no beautiful classic cars.
that are being made and they say oh no they're bringing back the muscle car i don't know those things look like like i could break them with my hand like the new challenger and all those things i don't know that they lack the fucking gigantitude of the original mopars where you're like if i get hit by this i'm dust We should take a moment to we're in free time here We have any the way this show should go on these free episodes is welcome back to the show.
Welcome back Maddie We introduced everyone don't talk about the music.
Don't talk about a car you saw for sale and jump right into the sponsors today's sponsors are tactical walls built in America a company run by a vet and The only way to show your guns, the only way to show your artillery.
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And the beauty of Tactical Tim and his fortitude and his creativity is, if you live in a shithole cunt city like New York, they still have cool stuff.
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Tactical wall- We have- Tactical walls in our studio!
Ryan puts his- his crap on the wall.
On his tactical walls.
In- In the front, we can't show you with a camera angle, but we have- Oh my god, you look like a- You look like you're on Netflix's Love on the Spectrum.
I want a girlfriend.
My name is Ryan.
I like girls very much, but I also like trains way more.
I collect Thomas the Tank Engine, and I want to meet a girl that I can collect trains with.
Perhaps her name will be Lucy.
My mom's been teaching me how to smile and not make too much eye contact.
I watched it last night and one of the unfortunate things about being over 50 is you become a crybaby.
And I was crying for a large part of it, especially this girl who reminded me of my daughter.
And she's just like, you look at these people that are just not compatible.
Like there's racism and transphobia and sexism.
That's all bullshit.
Those people are invited to society.
Autistic people are not.
And inevitably they go on a date and they get along great, of course.
They're both autistic.
And I almost feel like it's divine intervention.
God will get in their head and go, you are just friends.
And they'll go, how'd the day go?
Oh, it went fantastic.
I had a great time.
Will you be seeing her again?
No, we are just friends.
It's like, God, it's like, nah, nah, nah.
We're not making more of these.
We already have too many.
I'm sorry, that's a horrible eugenics thing to say, but that's the vibe I get.
It's every single fucking time.
They fall in love.
The date goes great.
She can't draw.
And, oh look, there's Ryan.
Yeah, I am.
Because she's nice.
What will you and the girlfriend do together?
She will get pregnant by accident and we will get married.
What else do girlfriends and boyfriends do?
They get married after you get pregnant and then after you get the ring.
Oh, that's about me?
No, it was not an accident.
I totally get off birth control.
Hugs and kisses.
A man who wants a baby says that.
So, would you like to do hugs and kisses?
Yes.
When we go on our first date with somebody... My boss abuses me.
She's like, wait a second.
He's just Asian.
There's nothing wrong with him.
He's a regular Asian boy.
But it's new.
There's a whole new series on Netflix now.
Nice.
It's gut-wrenching.
If you're an empath, like most fucking strong males are, oh god it rips your guts out.
And when your guts get ripped out, you want to go to tacticalwalls.com, build a mod wall, and hang your entrails where your M16 used to be.
So go to TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin.
That's the longest tangent we've ever had in a commercial.
And thank you, Tactical Walls, for supporting the show.
Back to the spooky background.
I fought a cop today.
And a fireman.
Huey?
Yep.
Fighting Hughie is like fighting, it's like a giant.
You're not fighting him.
It's like when your kids fight their dad on mommy's bed.
He's just absorbing your punches.
If I can get one in.
But what he'll do is, my only thing I can do is hide down low, hit you in the belly and then hope an overhand right Connects to something I can't even see so I my head's down, too So he'll just go whack and thump me so hard on the top of the head.
I can feel my spine go Like an accordion and then I'll look up as I'm passing out and he'll go Don't put your head down.
Yeah, don't put your head down now.
Is that sparring someone or is that?
working with a helper He wasn't exactly sweating.
Don't put your head down and don't close your eyes.
Sounds like that was a huge mistake.
But the cop, I think he might be better than me, but we're in the same universe at least.
But he's fucking 300 pounds.
So what he does when he gets tired is he goes on top of me.
Smothers you.
And dude, like on a video game I could see I'm in green and I could just see the health go...
Down to a third instantly.
It's magic!
I was re-watching the Deontay Wilder fight with Tyson Fury getting ready for this Saturday.
And as I was watching it, I noticed my archenemy was in the audience.
You have hurt me today.
Oh, you gotta get that on your phone.
I send that clip out to everyone who... If someone, like, doesn't get back to me within 10 minutes of a text, I'm like, you have hurt me.
It's so much better than a GIF.
Because it's got audio.
Like I was, I'm alone in the studio.
If anyone wants to kill me, by the way, these are the days, uh, Wednesday morning and Thursday.
Cause Ryan's too lazy to come in and do any actual work.
It's quiet.
Yeah.
No, it's quiet for him.
So I'm texting my wife and I'm like, I'm alone in the studio.
If you're anywhere near the Bronx or, you know, and you want to come in wearing like high heels and a trench coat and nothing else.
And then just silence, not even, no, just like, So then I get to send, you have hurt me today.
How can we do, not monetize per se, but... Get an app?
We should have a thing on the site where you can download all these to your phone.
And then you can say that someone's hurt you today.
Matty was hurt today.
You lost a friend.
Yes, I did, unfortunately.
Good friend of mine, Joey.
Rest in peace, ride in peace, brother.
I can't even tell you how many great times.
Sad to hear about his passing.
You know, my heart goes out to your family, your brothers, your mother, your father, your wife.
Now, when a biker dies, your brain goes, oh, it was probably all the partying and the meth and the shooting and all that stuff.
Yeah, some underlying health issues.
I don't know all the particulars, but... Well, I have a theory.
I think...
Bikers are social creatures, right?
Like Chuck Zito said, I blew my marriage because I was at the clubhouse all the time hanging out with the guys and I wasn't spending time with my daughter and my wife.
So I hereby officially believe that bikers have a network of like 400 very close friends.
And you don't fall out with them because bikers are all about loyalty and stuff.
Like, I've fallen out with all my vice friends and all that shit.
So I've had several generations of friends that are gone.
But bikers will stick together.
Even if you're kicked out of the club, you have the, like, Brothers Forever meetups.
So when you hang out with a biker, you go, holy shit, man, your friends are dropping like flies.
But it's because they have so many friends.
Yeah.
I've been to a lot of funerals.
Because if it's not heroin and so it's like sepsis and cancer and an aneurysm that just means you've got a lot of friends.
That's my theory.
Anyway did you get that picture I sent you?
So I'm watching Deontay Wilder and Tyson Fury from last year the one where he got him in the ear and I think what happened in this fight is he punched Deontay Wilder so hard that it created a vacuum and when he pulled the glove away His his eardrum basically fell out.
He had blood pouring out of his ear the whole fight.
And then with no eardrum, no equilibrium, he couldn't stand.
So he wasn't really knocked out.
He was just like in a crazy kitchen.
The ring was going like this.
So I'm watching it again because it's on, because everyone's excited about this Saturday.
Which we're not going to film, by the way.
It's it's too it's distracting.
I can't enjoy the fight when we're trying to entertain you.
But but check this out.
There's Shane Smith.
Oh.
In the second row.
And I don't recognize anyone he's with, but whenever the camera's on that particular side, there he is.
He's got these puffy eyes that us Irish get when we drink for three days straight.
But also they're white.
Like Trump's got that too.
Around the eyes white.
I think that's just the... No, that's just the TV.
But I think what's happening, those seats are not available to buy.
So I think what's happened here, the guy's blown so many millions of dollars on blackjack.
I heard he emptied his entire fortune playing blackjack.
He had to sell that big $40 million house.
Yeah, it's weird to, it's like, I don't mind if you think you're good at poker, But if you think you're good at blackjack, you're good at coin tosses.
Sorry.
You can't be good at blackjack.
But he's a great salesman.
And salesmen have selective memory.
So when they're out selling, and nine people say, fuck you, I don't want vice, it sucks.
That just dissolves into the air.
It's a talent I don't have.
Someone says something I'm working on sucks, I want to close their throat.
And that's why I can never do sales, because I'd be like, hey, you want to get involved in censored.tv?
No.
Fuck you.
Get what you fucking deserve!
Footage of Gavin after he knew thank you.
My dad had the same problem.
He retired from his business and they started a company called GKL.
Gavin Kyle Lorraine.
Me, my brother, my mother.
And he would do, he had all the clients.
He'd been doing, building fucking military shit his whole life.
And he would go out and try to get contracts.
And they'd say, oh, I don't know, Jim.
I don't know if we're going to do that.
And you just go, see you all fucking bar you so well.
Company tanked in like a couple months.
It's too sensitive.
But anyway, so I think Shane has selective memories.
He thinks he's good at blackjack and he probably spent so many millions that wherever that was, I forget where it was in Las Vegas, they're like, let's put our whales.
This is the whale section.
The people that have spent $10 million.
Yeah.
They get a special section.
Five seats each.
Whatever you want.
Hey, wait a minute.
The guy with the beard behind him looks like that dude who is like ex-military who has all those chicks on his Instagram where he's got like 19 girlfriends.
Oh, he's all tatted up.
He's all tatted up.
He's about working out and get pussy.
He's married now.
That's Matt Best.
Matt Best?
That might be Matt Best behind him.
Could be.
Who's your money on for this Saturday?
I don't know.
Yeah, I would go with...
He's an Irish traveler.
He's a fucking gypsy.
You know what age they start fighting?
Negative four months.
Their embryos fight.
They get blows in the stomach.
The only thing tougher than an Irish traveler is a gay Irish traveler.
Because they get beaten by their fathers for being gay the second they fucking say, show tunes don't suck.
All right, our second sponsor for the show before we leave you is JohnnyAppleCBD.com.
CBD!
These guys have been with us since day one.
Use promo code Gavin, you get 20% off.
Now pot we assume is a drug that hippies take to get to have orgies and and and go to rallies foment revolution and then someone took the THC out of it and they went actually The high part is just the tip of the iceberg.
It actually is as magic as these weirdo hippies with the hemp pants say.
This is totally legal weed with no THC and we've discovered that there's all kinds of magical properties.
Come on now, dawg.
No, really.
Come on, man.
I'm serious!
Whatever that guy's name is.
And we discovered his name recently, right?
Little Boozy?
Little Boozy?
The CBD, you put that on your joints after working out too hard, sore muscles, magically the pain goes away.
You put some of it in your coffee.
Again, this is not pot.
It's potless pot.
You put the tincture in your coffee, in your drink, in your tea, all of a sudden the anxiety is gone.
The gummies at night, you start worrying about your life.
Oh no, what if I get sued?
Some people are trying to kill me.
My late night evenings are probably a little more intense than yours, but you don't have to worry about credible death threats the FBI warned you about.
But the gummies take that away!
And then there's all kinds of shit I haven't even tried yet.
Like I've tried the tinctures, the gummies, the CBD ointment, the topical cream.
You know, my wife was wearing stilettos one night when we went out and I was like, finally, I've been begging you to do this forever.
Are you going to start wearing them around the house?
And she's like, I put CBD on my feet.
Uh, and she was dancing around like she was wearing Nikes.
Nikes.
Which is short, obviously, for the long-term name, Nikel.
Oh, I ruined the joke by saying long-term.
What's that?
Say that again?
I think I'm getting drunk, folks.
The jokes are losing their edge.
So yeah, JACBD.com, JohnnyApple.com, they both work.
Promo code Gavin, 20% off.
Topicals, cartridges, vapes.
You've tried the vape, right?
Mm-hmm.
How does that make you feel?
I like the tinctures more, because I'm picky about my vapes.
It'd be funny if you went, really shitty, I puked.
And I grew tits, so we don't endorse that.
No, the vape is okay, but really where it's at for me, they have a new vape.
I'm gonna be if the ad guy can send one to us, but look at this, no buttons.
You just inhale and relax.
Oh, fun.
But I like the tinctures.
They taste good, it's like an oil type thing, and it comes on really quick.
You hold it in the bottom of your mouth for a little bit, then you feel like relaxed, like good, but not high.
Last question, when you're at your university and you're at a party and girls are drunk and they're flirting with you and they make out with you, isn't that pedophilia?
Isn't that illegal because you're 12?
You're saying because I look young that any sort of act of sexuality towards me would then be illegal?
Well, you're going to one of the most prestigious Ivy League schools in the country and you're 12.
I'm 32 years old, I just look younger because I shaved my mustache.
Oh, I didn't even notice that!
That's another thing!
You didn't notice that?
You dipped your head in uncool sauce.
No, it's very cool.
Like a fucking piece of onion, and you came out shitty and boring.
It's cool.
Piece of onion?
I don't like looking like a regular Asian, but let me tell you what.
Growing my poof that you hate so much, I'm gonna get it back, but you have to start from zero.
You can't just start with a mullet.
No, I know what you're saying.
I was growing it out because I wanted to have this Pendleton look.
Yeah.
This winter but I'd have to put so much grease in my fro that my glasses were covered in grease and they'd be slipping out of my hands and then the beard I was always playing with it.
It didn't feel like a man.
You don't feel like a man when you have too much shit on your head.
Remember Ty Richards?
He had beautiful locks that made him look like a rock star.
He was a lock star.
Yeah, I don't call men with long hair beautiful, but I get you.
Gorgeous.
And he cut it all because he was like, you know, shampooing and conditioning your hair and like drying it and combing it.
It's fucking gay.
Well, it's like, I have six kids.
We're not, we don't irrationally hate man buns.
We hate that you're carrying something around, a hairy fanny pack on your head that you could easily just go.
Like if something's in your way, you don't put it in a bun, you cut it off.
So I did it.
All right.
And you did it.
Yeah, but you lost your fun.
You got to do something kooky, dude.
Well, I got muscles.
The muscles throw, you know, throw in a whole new realm.
Let's see your guns.
Okay.
Watch out everybody.
And I have a good pecs too now today.
Today.
Cause I worked out today.
My pecs look pretty big.
But I'm not done yet.
Alright.
I hope this doesn't discourage anyone from subscribing to censored.tv who has been listening to it.
We, we were, you know, a lot of people say that guy's on coke when he does the show and he's fucking up and he's on math and blah blah.
This is one of the only episodes where we actually were on coke.
So most of the time when you say that, it's just because we had a large coffee.
I don't think it's that different.
In fact, as far as the jokes not landing, I would blame my attorney, Mr. Booze, here and his sidekick, Bourbon.
But please subscribe to Censored.TV.
We've got a lot of stuff coming in the fall.
Some exciting stuff I can't tell you about right now until it's confirmed.
But new contributors.
When we started this show out, it was just me.
And it was an hour and 20 minutes a day, four days a week.
Now, there's at least four or five hours of shows every single fucking day.
We have, I don't even know, 25, 30 different shows on, and it's still 10 bucks a month.
It's still a beer and a shot a month.
Actually, today I went to our local.
I got a bud and he opens me up another one.
I'm like, dude, I gotta go.
I gotta, I gotta do the show.
He's like, ah, shit.
All right.
I'll give this to Joe Tonelli.
Um, and then I go, can I do a shot of a fireball before I leave?
He's like, yeah, sure.
And then he goes, just give me 13, whatever.
Did you realize fireballs are $8?
I was about to walk out with five as my bill.
I did one little thing of fucking cough syrup that's available at CVS.
I don't even think it's booze.
I think it's malt liquor.
Yup.
It's at CVS.
Oh, I know.
It's the only booze I've ever seen at CVS.
Jameson is not at CVS.
No, because it's not real booze.
It's malt liquor.
Eight dollars?
That's a steep price.
Like, I pay $10 for picklebacks and stuff.
I love picklebacks.
But that's full of bourbon.
Yeah, I'll get elaborate.
I don't mind paying $8 for a Maker's on the Rocks.
Right.
But $8 for CVS juice?
Anyway.
You know what's a good teaser?
Is that we have a thing, when you're part of Sensor TV, that you understand what the bird, which is the bald eagle, is.
And we have really exciting people lined up that had said it.
People are tricking people into saying it.
Not just random women doing makeup.
Wow, I can't believe I'm high and drunk and I'm better at explaining things than you.
Ryan, people who are listening to this show free as a podcast have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
Let me go back a couple steps.
Sure.
George Floyd, a redundant piece of shit who became a saint, saint shit I guess I would call him, has a brother that's even stupider than him.
What's his name?
His name is a negative adjective called felonious.
Thelonious is linked to the word felon.
It means bat.
But they took Phil and added Oneus without even looking it up.
So his name is literally Thelonious.
And his lawyer said, look man, this lawyer, by the way, just so you know I'm not racist, his lawyer is a very black man.
And his smart black lawyer said, look, here's the deal.
We got to start saying to people, why is there an endangered list for animals and not for people?
Why is the bald eagle on the endangered list, yet George Floyd is not?
The black man is not.
He's like, okay, how do I say that?
It's like, okay, let me make this very simple.
Why was the bald eagle on the endangered list, but my brother was not?
Let's try that.
And Flonis is like, got it.
So he gets on the news and he goes, how, how come there is an endangered list for the bird, which is the bald eagle.
Take the bird, which is the bald eagle.
Clearly showing that he's never heard of a bald eagle before.
And we noticed, by the way, recently that they're not bald.
And you can see the heartbreak in his lawyer's eyes when he said that.
Because you know they went through it, I'm going to say 30 times?
Easy.
It gets insulting if you do it too many times, right?
So, no more than 40.
700 billion and 1,300,000,000.
Take the bird, which is about equal.
What our viewers have been doing, and again, I have to explain more.
Matty has a horrible temper, and he's not a tall guy.
So he was known in prison as Baby Monster.
Lady Gaga calls her fans her monsters.
So we call our quote-unquote fans Baby Monsters as a parody of the whole concept of naming your fans and it's a fuck you to Lady Gaga in a sense.
That's true.
Not a fuck you, you know what I mean.
So the Baby Monsters have been going on various TikToks and cameo even.
And getting people to say the bird which is the bald eagle.
The bird which is the bald eagle.
And so after we go behind the paywall we're going to be showing you some celebrities saying the bird which is the bald eagle because it's become our mantra.
I think we should make bumper stickers and t-shirts.
Oh my god I was thinking about getting a tattoo and just not even saying anything but I was like that's too much.
No that's my night.
Let's put That'll be a good episode of the show.
Oh my god.
Matty, are you in?
I'm in.
Oh my god.
I don't know if it's the booze talking, but the three of us are going to go to a tattoo shop and get the bird which is the bald eagle.
I want a picture of a bald eagle in it too.
I want it to be a sick ass tattoo.
We can all get different designs.
Oh yeah, we have to get different designs for sure.
Hell yeah.
But I think I want to get a bald eagle that's bald.
No, no, no feathers.
No feathers on his head or people go, that's not what a bald eagle looks like.
And I go, yeah, I'm fucking pissed about it.
We don't give a damn.
The guy.
It's like my my eldest boy, when he was a little kid, he told me that Pinocchio's friend was named Crickety Cricket.
And I loved him hearing him say that.
And I'd always bug him.
I go, I'm sorry to keep asking you this, but Pinocchio's friend, the cricket.
It's like, why?
Why do we keep going?
Crickety Cricket was his name.
I go, oh yeah, thanks.
So I got a tattoo that says Crickety Cricket with a little top hat.
And then when he turned about seven, he's like, I got some bad news for you, Dad.
I was wrong.
It's Jiminy Cricket.
And I was like, oh, great.
Thanks a lot.
I got Crickety Cricket on me for the rest of my life.
Guilt trip.
Alright, so that's it folks.
We're going behind the paywall now.
Thank you to Tactical Walls.
Thank you to Johnny Apple CBD.
You guys are missing out on a very fun show.
We're going to be taking calls.
Oh, we're going to be reading viewer mail.
After the bird, which is the bald eagle, then we're going to be taking calls, and it's going to be a wild ride, and this is just one episode out of four a week of my show.
No, five a week of my show, and then umpteen other fucking shows to tickle your soul.
About 45 shows.
So yeah, goodbye, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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