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Oct. 4, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:08:06

S04E37 - LET'S GO BRANDON

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	Lately, USA is getting scarier.
	Half of the Americans I see all hate America.
	They hate the cops doing their best to take care of us and kneel for the five.
	From New York, it's get off my lawn with it.
	Apparently, no one's aware of Paris that it's embarrassing.
	It's arrogance.
	Our greatest enemy was always slavery and terrorists.
	And now it's people in the country trying to burn the heritage.
	I can't help it.
	I just seem to see the world different.
	It ain't Republicans or liberals.
	It's mental illness.
	Americans are scaring us, awareness, are caring us.
	And we got a flare in us.
	And it's the daring us.
	I like the Seattle Mariners.
	It's embarrassing.
	You're fair in us when you're caring us and glaring us.
	You're glaring us and tearing us.
	Shitty.
	I don't like rap.
	I don't like music.
	I used to be obsessed with music.
	I worked at Sonny's gas station in Canada, Ontario, got my paycheck, got on the bus, went downtown, spent it all on records.
	$15.99 they cost.
	They were all imports.
	They cost less than that today.
	I'm talking about 1983 right now, by the by.
	Even rap.
	I remember when rap came out.
	Loved it.
	Paris was my favorite.
	EPMD.
	Loved them.
	And now you can't spell rap without crap.
	Oh, my God.
	Jesse Lee Peterson.
	Hi.
	Hey.
	I love your show, but is there something in your mouth?
	No.
	Well, when I was a kid, we used to eat what we used to call hot boy Oli soup.
	So we would take a hot boy leaf can, open it up, and sit in front of a Saturday morning cartoon with the bowl and all that.
	And we used to, with a spoon, we used to eat it real hot, right?
	So the spoon was sitting in there for a while.
	We're just playing around, hanging around, and watching the cartoon.
	And I put a hot potato in my mouth.
	Ever since that, it's been not so amazing.
	So you burnt your tongue, is what you're saying.
	Yeah.
	In the future, Jesse, just say I burnt my tongue when I was a kid.
	Okay.
	I don't need to know the brand of the hot food.
	I like the palm peppers ate.
	I'm sorry?
	What's up?
	Do you like the palm that peppers ate?
	No, I'm just saying your show is amazing and you squashing all them betas out there and the Libyans.
	I want to go on his show again.
	I mean, your show again.
	Well, that broke the wall.
	Maybe we can edit this part out.
	I love him too, by the way.
	Greg, we're not lampooning Jesse.
	No.
	You mock the ones the closest to you, the ones you love.
	That's right.
	But yeah, I don't know.
	You get to an age where you're just full.
	The dude from Aerosmith, he says, I think you have X amount of drinks in you, and I just drank all my drinks for my life.
	And then now I'm full.
	I don't have any more drinks in me.
	And I went from just completely consumed with music to, after a while, advice, just getting, you know, we had to know on a monthly basis what the hot bands were.
	And you just get overwhelmed and you allocate it to some like guy who works at a college radio station.
	He's the only one up on it.
	And Sarouche handled it.
	And then, I don't know.
	I don't like it.
	Yeah, I know.
	I'm music now too.
	At the gym, I'm like, what do I even listen to?
	I'd way rather listen to a podcast or a book.
	Like, there's this song, Summertime is Coming.
	Summertime is Coming for You.
	Do you know what I'm talking about?
	Is it new?
	Maybe it's not Summertime.
	It's coming.
	Yeah, it's a top 10 hit right now.
	Because for a while there, when I was switching cars, I only had the radio.
	And so I was listening to pop radio or rock radio, whatever the fuck it is.
	And I was just like, now that shitty accent that he made up, which is as bad as Pearl Jam with that drummer, is in my fucking head.
	Get it out of there.
	A book doesn't stay in your head.
	It's invasive.
	Anyway, Tom McDonald, great guy.
	Great politics.
	A very important voice here in America.
	Fellow Canuck.
	But what the fuck's with your face?
	What the fuck is with your hair?
	And, I mean, every time I look at his facial tattoos, I just think of his dad.
	His dad must just be going, oh, for fuck's sake, Tommy.
	My little Tom.
	I don't know.
	He's just like a good kind of dude.
	You know, he looks like a juggler or something, but he tells like stories about this haunted place he was at.
	He's a great storyteller, nice Canadian guy, patriot, but great guy.
	The rap, fucking.
	I just don't.
	I just wish, when I see him, I wish I was blind.
	And I don't understand how people can listen to rap music like that.
	It's just a lecture.
	You're just listening to a fast lecture.
	By the way, speaking of fast lectures, I went to visit Max.
	I'll tell you about that in a second.
	But on the drive there, I finished Heather McDonald's War on Cops.
	And I also, I was almost done that.
	And then I finished in its entirety The Diversity Myth, which is exquisite.
	She is the most eloquent writer I've ever read.
	She has the language at her disposal.
	Holy shit, can that woman write?
	Wow.
	So rational, too.
	I decided listening to the diversity myth.
	I'm just going to pay my kids, I don't know, five, 10 bucks an hour to sit with me and listen to that.
	They'll have to answer questions, but we'll sit in the dark and listen to it.
	The diversity delusion, sorry.
	How race and gender pandering corrupt the university and undermine our experience.
	Corrupt the university?
	Undermined our culture.
	That doesn't seem like it's correct grammar right after I said that she has the language at her disposal.
	Corrupt, you know, I get it.
	Corrupt the university.
	But you got to get this book.
	It just, it lays it out so beautifully, eloquently, mathematically that it sounds like an alien came down to earth and was like, I'm getting a little frustrated with your behavior, Western man.
	Here's the fucking deal, okay?
	And then just explains everything.
	Everything.
	They tackle the myth of campus rape.
	One in five women are raped.
	No, one in five women are wasted.
	That's what happened.
	And in both the War on Cops and this, they talk about black behavior.
	Yes, blacks are in prison.
	Yes, they get into a lot of shit with cops.
	It's because they're doing crimes.
	Although Max said 99% of the people there don't belong there.
	He goes, I want to work on prison reform when I get out.
	He said, you got to talk about this.
	And I've already forgotten the exact name of it.
	It's like burglary as a felony.
	It's felony burglary.
	And he goes, there's so many fucking guys in here for something like they're in a fight in the hallway, right?
	And the girlfriend's in the doorway screaming, stop, stop.
	And during the fight, they fall through the door, right?
	Like the door was open.
	They fall into the apartment, fall out of the apartment.
	That's how fights work.
	They cover a lot of ground.
	He's now, that's now burglary.
	He now entered that premises without permission.
	Or he goes, you're sitting at your girlfriend's house, you guys get into an argument, you pick up a lamp, whip it against the wall, and walk out.
	Felony burglary.
	You're not, she doesn't want you there, and you were there.
	The legal definition of burglary.
	Wait, go back to that subhead?
	Covers a broad range of conduct.
	I wonder what conduct is considered burglary in the...
	And you know about kidnapping, right?
	If you like standing in front of the door or something, you're like, well, my buddy Sam Sigalnik and Seaman Sperms, they each did a year at Rikers because their friend, they stole a picture of a nude picture of their friend, Michelle Gonzalez.
	She jumped on the car.
	They went five feet.
	They kidnapped her.
	No.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	You travel with someone.
	I think if you pick someone up and walk three feet, it's kidnapping.
	Wow.
	So anyway, long drive.
	I was listening to Howard Stern for a little bit, and I go, I can't do this, man.
	I can't drive six hours.
	I'm going to go crazy.
	And I felt dirty inside.
	He's just such a garbage human being.
	Basically, in short, he's just a low IQ dude.
	He's a low quality, low IQ person with an incredible work ethic.
	That's why he makes 90 million a year because he's been doing it since, what, the early 80s?
	I saw a video of him getting completely berated by this guy who always goes, right?
	You know the guy who always says, right?
	At the end of what he says?
	Really?
	No?
	No idea who that is.
	Yeah, it was a great clip.
	He just puts Howard Stern in his place.
	It was wild.
	I could find it.
	Must be old.
	Because Stern wouldn't let himself be put in any place.
	Right.
	If he gets a call that's anti-mask, he just hangs up.
	But anyway, then I put on Heather McDonald, and it was like putting on classical music.
	All of a sudden, I was getting smarter as I drove.
	I could feel my IQ going boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
	Please buy that book.
	Yeah, it was Stern that was making the trip seem long.
	Elegant Elliott.
	Oh, so you're showing off your legs.
	You're dressed more manly.
	All right, listen, before you go into anything about this tragedy, I get the first statement, right?
	I walk the microphone.
	Get close to the microphone.
	I get the first statement.
	I get the first question, right?
	I get the fuck out now when nobody gets anything, right?
	My way, right?
	My show, my way, my life, right?
	I'm not talking.
	You're going to just state.
	By the way, can I say that Mike Piazza is here?
	Do you know that?
	Not the baseball player, the guy from Howard 100 New Instagram.
	This is Nick Piazza.
	This was Artie, so it's not too old.
	This was why two weeks ago.
	Right?
	Mike has been covering the story.
	Wait, I know that guy.
	You fucking personally know that guy?
	No, I know of him.
	Oh, okay.
	He is.
	No, I've seen him.
	There's a restaurant, I think it's called The Sand or Beaches or something on the Upper East Side.
	It's where En Coulter and I go to eat because the owner is MAGA.
	And that guy walked by.
	He's a raging drag queen now.
	And some Hasidic Jews pay his rent because they think he's going to be a legendary superstar.
	And they're investing in him like you would invest in a young Britney Spears.
	They're clearly nuts.
	They're clearly inbred Hasids.
	And he jogs around.
	Yeah, there he is.
	He jogs around in drag with his, like, when I saw him, his skirt was tucked into his tights.
	And he runs around with his makeup bleeding all over his face.
	He's much more dressed as a lady these days.
	There he is.
	Wow.
	Cross-dressing.
	Yeah, that's...
	Well, that guy is the only one to really tell off Stern.
	He was very mean to Robin in this clip, which is, I feel a little uncalled for.
	Television and radio for seven years around the country since 2000, right?
	Okay, go ahead.
	And here are the issues.
	I'm going to make it short and sweet.
	Don't interrupt me, right?
	This can take a few minutes.
	Well, I'm allowed to do what I want.
	Well, if you do what you want, I just walk the fuck out.
	You walk out, Rob.
	Okay, so that's it.
	So you stand there holding your cop, right?
	So here it is.
	Let me get through and I gotta get through.
	Let me get through and I gotta get through, right?
	Dude, you walk out now, right?
	Don't threaten me, big guy.
	All right, I just leave the fucking joint.
	A few more words, and we're all over, right?
	Here's the issue.
	The issue is this.
	Like, number one, I want to find out.
	I have a question.
	I want to find out, right?
	Yeah.
	Why you were married to this wonderful girl, Allison?
	She booted you in the fucking whole eye.
	She shut you wild.
	And threw you out of the house.
	Shut your cunt face, okay?
	She threw you out of the house, out of your own house.
	Clear channels booted you off the fucking air.
	They took your contract away from K-Rock.
	They took you off Saturday night television.
	Les Moonvis has a $500 million litigation.
	He's going to take all your money for grand larceny and misappropriation of funds.
	Well, we'll see about that.
	Okay, the question is, you know, because I like you as a human being, what the fuck is going on with you?
	You're getting one shot in the mouth after the other.
	The next time you're going to be in a nursing home.
	Elliot, Elliot.
	As usual.
	I mean, the whole clip is halfway through, but he really goes off and gets severely uncomfortable.
	And then Howard's just like, I like that guy.
	He has no other course of action but to be like, he's really entertaining.
	Well, his bills are all paid.
	So he gallivants around the upper east side in drag.
	So that's not an act.
	Dirty drag, filthy drag.
	So he's just a lunatic guy?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Oh, wow.
	Right?
	Well, he was a lunatic then, dude.
	What do you think?
	He was rational?
	I thought it was an act.
	So I drove up there, stayed at a shitty motel.
	Motels are $75 now.
	It felt, it was the size of your little engineering booth.
	Shouldn't it have been more like 30 or 40?
	Might cheap.
	$73?
	So I sleep there for like six hours.
	I get up there.
	I'm the second one there.
	It is exactly the same as John's prison, Bear Hill.
	Governor Correctional Facility.
	When I say exactly the same, I mean if it was this studio, those chairs would be there.
	That speaker would be there.
	This would be here.
	Like you couldn't, if I blindfolded you and drove you to one, you wouldn't be able to tell which one you're at.
	Every table, every chair, the cafeteria, not the cafeteria, the big meeting room where the TV was on the wall, the vending machines were exactly the same in the same place.
	Weird.
	And you get in there, there's like the gates closed, then another one opens, the cell door, another one opens, you go through the razor wire, you know, it's totally surrounded with fence, you go through those two doors.
	As I'm walking in, I'm like, this is not an easy place to escape from.
	You maybe have a snowball's chance in hell if a helicopter shows up, but then you better get moving once he gets on the copter.
	So Max shows up.
	His head looks like the Fisher-Price school guys.
	You know the little schoolhouse that my generation grew up with?
	Cute little nose guys, little Lego men.
	So that's his head.
	And then his body is just Mike Tyson with an albino mixed in.
	Light-skinned Mike Tyson.
	He's absolutely fucking ripped.
	When he came in, I hugged him, and he's so huge, I laughed my head off.
	I was like, what is this?
	Yeah, well, those are black, but he has that kind of cute Lego, not Lego, Fisher Price face.
	He looks like a little kid.
	So it's a little kid stuck on a monster's body.
	He's black now, too.
	Yes.
	He's a real jail nigga.
	And I noticed, just like black guys, every time I got near race and it seemed negative, he would just shut down.
	Like if you're talking to Roger Stone and you're bitching about America and everything, he's like, yep, it's disgusting.
	Yeah, what's happened in this country?
	Oh, it's changed.
	Oh, blah, blah, blah.
	And then you're going these fucking sexual deviancies, perverts.
	I told you this before.
	Then Roger Stone will go, well, I don't know.
	And black people are the same.
	You're like, this is blah, blah, blah.
	And then this black on black crime.
	And all of a sudden they'll go from yes, yes, yes to, well, I mean.
	Or you'll go, the fatherlessness in the black community.
	And they'll go, well, I'm not going to sit here and judge a man.
	Oh, why?
	Because you walked out on your kids.
	I got to tell you when we do the mailbag about this guy who abandoned his family and has been asking me for advice on how to get them to follow him.
	What?
	Why'd you leave?
	Oh, I need to build a better life for them.
	You got to bring the family with you, you fucking idiot.
	It's like this guy I met in Costa Rica.
	He brought his wife and his baby and his in-laws there.
	And I go, well, where are they now?
	And they go, they left.
	They couldn't hack it here.
	They're pussies.
	What?
	Well, what are you doing here?
	Oh, I want to learn Spanish because my kids are going to grow up in a world where everyone's Spanish, so I should be able to teach it to them.
	I think they need a dad now more than they need to learn Spanish in the future.
	Get them a fucking audio disc.
	What do you call that when you learn another language?
	You can get a Rosetta Stone.
	If we get a Rosetta Stone, dude, then they can have both Spanish and a dad.
	Anyway, we'll get to that during the mailbag.
	So we're seeing that he's wearing a purple shirt that the head of the Billies gave him because they knew the founder of the Proud Boys was coming and it was a big deal.
	By the way, when he showed up, everyone was shitting their pants.
	Holy fuck, Max Hare is coming.
	The guy from the Proud Boys.
	No.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	At one point, he was getting interrogated when he moved in.
	And this other guy, CEO, opens the door.
	They go, do you know who you're talking to?
	And they go, no, what do you mean?
	They go, that's Hare.
	That's the guy who beat up Antifa.
	And the corrections officer went, oh, shit, sorry.
	Oh, my God.
	I fucking hate those guys.
	Go ahead.
	Damn.
	He runs the joint.
	That's amazing.
	He's the shot caller.
	And no one fucks with him.
	When he walks by TVs, if CNN is on, they change the channel.
	He goes, I don't want to hear any fucking fake news.
	He just takes people's lunches.
	That's how he gets built.
	That's how it gets built.
	I go, how'd you, I work out every day.
	I'm still Grover.
	How did you get so ripped on this shitty food that's all sugar and carbs?
	He goes, I drink everyone's milk.
	Now, it's usually drug addicts.
	They smoke this synthetic pot that is snuck to them.
	Yeah.
	The letters are sprayed with K2.
	So those smoked pieces of a letter.
	So they just leave the cell to go get high, and they don't want their breakfast.
	So he eats all that.
	But also, creeps and perverts and stuff, if they sit near him, he just takes their shit.
	He goes, I'm doing great in here.
	I got a view.
	I got the only cell with a window.
	Wow.
	Only cubicle, really.
	He's going, I have a little room next to me with a toaster oven and shit.
	He goes, I'm just, it's like a retirement home for very, very poor people.
	Or as he said earlier, it's like a shitty, shitty, shitty cruise.
	But, you know, people fuck with him occasionally.
	He just beats them up.
	Now, is it like an open dorm style thing where you have no walls?
	It's in between, though.
	So I think there's like four people, but he's separated by a four-foot-high wall.
	Right.
	Yeah, okay, okay, gotcha.
	And the guy next to him is virtually blind.
	So if he was beating off, the guy wouldn't be able to see him.
	Right.
	So he's happy as a pig and shit.
	He just works out all day, every day.
	He got fucked over, though.
	He was late for some thing where he was teaching electrical engineering.
	And he was going to get six months off, his sentence for that.
	But they're saying no now because he was late.
	Dude, if you fart, you say the wrong thing, the CEO's in a bad mood, you're fucked.
	It's Venezuela.
	It's socialism.
	It's really, you get to see what socialism is like.
	They decide what you watch.
	They decide what you eat.
	They decide when you sleep.
	They decide who you talk to, when you talk.
	He's become more obsessed with freedom.
	I will say there was one moment when he seemed like he was going to cry.
	And he was talking about this beta male.
	Basically, there's two types of people in jail.
	There's the alphas who say, fuck you, you go near me, we're fighting.
	And then there's the betas who just say, please don't hurt me.
	And the betas, they invite victimhood.
	I was trying to say this to my daughter.
	I was like, I'm not saying women who get raped deserve it.
	I would never say anything like that.
	But I am saying that you need to exude a don't touch me vibe.
	And you'll be raped less.
	Like, I remember this comedian said to me once, liberal, this is back when liberals could speak.
	She said, I'm not saying that boys who get molested deserve to be molested by priests, but I am saying that the priests can sniff out which ones are gay or even weak.
	I'm not saying that.
	She said that.
	And there is some truth to it.
	It's a very delicate subject, though, because you end up victim blaming, and that's a shitty thing to do.
	But in the case of Max's prison, this beta male was getting bullied.
	And he goes, the corrections officers can smell it.
	They can smell weakness.
	They would never fuck with me because they know I'd fight back.
	Fuck my sentence.
	I'll add two years.
	But they know that this guy won't complain.
	And he goes, I could hear their boots going into his face.
	And I could hear the bones cracking of his ribs.
	And he was like blinking when he told the story.
	And he goes, I don't know if I can ever see something like that again.
	He said, I'll definitely can't see it again and do nothing.
	I can triple my sentence.
	There's no way I could let that happen.
	So that was rough.
	But yeah, it was a fun talk.
	He told me about this crackhead named ESPN who has a tick where he goes, well, ESPN.
	About every hour.
	And if you say it to him, he has to say it back.
	So you go, hey, ESPN.
	He goes, and it pisses him off.
	He doesn't want to say it.
	So if you go, hey, he goes, ESPN, fuck off, man.
	What are you doing?
	Then they just laugh.
	And I go, so do you have like your crew?
	Because Maddie always says, look, it sucks for the first month or so, but then you get your little crew.
	I know I would definitely have my little crew, but he's a loner.
	So he's like, no, when you, look, people here are like baby monsters in that they have a hair trigger.
	And you can know them for four months and be best friends, and then you're going to piss them off.
	They're going to try to kill you.
	And he told me what this guy was lifting weights with, and the guy was being arrogant and telling everyone how to lift weights.
	So he popped him, meaning he humiliated him by lifting 250 pounds a bunch of times.
	And that pissed off the guy.
	And the guy attacked him with a lock on a rope or in a pillowcase or some shit.
	And Max just knocked him out.
	No, he slapped him.
	He goes, slapping's better than punching.
	It's more humiliating.
	It's more shocking to the person because you hear a bang.
	The audience hears.
	Yeah.
	And it's more humiliating.
	But yeah, the black thing, he goes, there's no one here.
	This jail can hold 900.
	Prison, remember, prison is more than a year.
	Jail is less than a year.
	But a lot of prisoners call prison jail.
	Like he calls himself a jail nigga.
	I'm getting to that.
	So he said that this prison holds 900 people.
	There's 400 of us here.
	And then I said, yeah, they probably want to get the numbers down of blacks incarcerated.
	So they just, instead of fixing the problem, they just put less blacks in prison.
	And he did the Roger Stone thing when I talk about perverts.
	He's already, yeah.
	And I'm like, I'm not saying anything racist.
	And he goes, I'm a con now.
	I'm a jail nigga.
	One of the billies, they call the bloods billies because you can't say the word bloods.
	But soon they're going to just figure out what billies are.
	I guess you change it again.
	The head of the billies, who gave him the nice shirt, said, you a jail nigga now.
	But yeah, he was dressed up to meet me.
	You know, another weird thing?
	Everyone knew me, the corrections officers.
	So when I walked in, they said the main guy, a fucking monster of a man, he must be 6'7, bald, looked like a James Bond bad guy.
	And he said, oh, we were just talking about changing the world and now a crusader joins us.
	We got a crusader right here.
	Now, I just want to grease the wheel.
	So I didn't go, what?
	What are you?
	I just went, ha ha, yeah.
	Went in.
	Talked for, I mean, I think I got him till two, but after three hours, I think we're good.
	So I hope I wasn't rude by going, all right, I'm out.
	And I'm not going to lie to him and say, oh, I better get going.
	So I was just like, okay, I think we covered everything.
	How far is it to drive there?
	Three?
	Three?
	Three hours?
	I don't know if you watched Get Off My Lawn, but I was just talking about the six hour drive I did.
	You must have been lining something up.
	Yeah.
	Six hours there, six hours back.
	Good audio book makes it look like nothing.
	I think I'll take, he can get a total of three visitors at a time.
	So next time I'll just bring two other guys, and then we're only driving, you know, two hours each there and back.
	ESPN.
	I also, on Friday with my wife, I dressed up like a late 70s dude, and so did she, sort of.
	I like to dress up as the movie.
	Oh.
	Even Mad Max, I was wearing a studded leather vest.
	I think I know what movie you're talking about.
	Did I tell you that story when I went to see Mad Max?
	No.
	I was wearing a punk vest.
	I was dressed like Mad Max.
	And I sit down and I go, is anyone sitting here?
	And the guy goes, yeah, yeah, someone's sitting here.
	And so I move over one, and I'm with my wife.
	And then he's a gay guy.
	And then the movie starts and no one sits there.
	And I go, hey.
	He's like, what?
	Where's your friend?
	It was like a combination of Chuck Zito and Larry David.
	And he goes, what?
	Where's your friend?
	You said your friend was sitting there.
	I don't know.
	He's late.
	He's late.
	Okay.
	All right.
	I don't know.
	I think I'd had a few whiskeys and I was just seething.
	So then we're watching the movie and now it's like 10 minutes in.
	And I go, pretty late, huh?
	And he's like, what?
	Your friend, very late, missing some integral parts of the plot.
	And he goes, look, and I go, you know why your friend's late?
	And he goes, what?
	Because he doesn't exist.
	You know why he doesn't exist?
	Because you're a liar.
	I was so fucking angry.
	And my wife's just ignoring it.
	And he's like, really?
	Really?
	We're going to do this now?
	We're going to do this in the movie theater?
	And I go, I caught you.
	You're a liar.
	Yep.
	Fucking pants on.
	And then I ruined the movie for him and me.
	Good.
	Because we're both sitting there like.
	Now it feels awkward.
	Now, if there's a funny part, you don't want to laugh.
	No.
	Because you're like, well, when you have verbal conflict, you're prepared for physical conflict.
	So our bodies naturally start producing adrenaline so we can survive.
	Oh, that was another funny thing Max said.
	He said, he was talking about like the dumb things that blacks, but he meant perps in general, do.
	Like they don't comply.
	He goes, when you're in a high adrenaline situation, you can't think.
	So, yeah, you do stupid shit.
	Like you don't put your hands behind your back.
	You're delirious.
	It's like being on fire.
	You know, you'll have someone who stands on a diving board and they light themselves on fire to jump in the pool, but then they freak out so much on fire, they run off the diving board into the woods.
	Never works.
	And he said, some guy fell asleep at the wheel and he drove onto my lawn when I lived in South Jersey.
	So I got my shotgun and I go, what the fuck are you doing?
	And then he drove at me.
	So I get out of the way.
	I'm pointing the gun.
	I go, I'm going to blow your fucking head off.
	And my adrenaline was obviously pounding.
	I go, let me see your ID.
	And the guy was drunk.
	He gave me his ID.
	This is Max talking.
	I looked at his ID.
	I couldn't read.
	His adrenaline was pumping so intensely that he forgot how he just saw like Greek letters.
	He saw shapes.
	Whoa.
	And he was like, what the fuck?
	You're from space?
	What?
	You're from space?
	You're Heather McDonald here to tell us how the world works?
	Anyway.
	So I'm dressed up for the Sopranos movie.
	Have you seen it yet?
	Yes, I did.
	And you know what?
	I wanted to do that too.
	I had a really tacky fucking, like, Guido shirt that has no other purpose in my life.
	And my girlfriend's like, why do you have to like LARP to the movie?
	And I'm like, it's a fucking thing.
	It's a thing.
	You get into this.
	I'm talking Italian the whole time.
	I'm like, oh, look at this Scaradic over here.
	Yeah.
	My theater was full of Italians and blacks all laughing.
	Hell yeah.
	Not at jokes, but like at every, like Pauly Walnuts goes like this.
	Yeah, yeah.
	What is this over here?
	Everyone's laughing their heads off.
	Right.
	It was like Italianophiles.
	That's the scene when they're in the car.
	And he's like, who do you think they're going to blame this on?
	No, they were at the restaurant and there were some shines there.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But you know the scene where Johnny Soprano sees that some shines moved into the neighborhood?
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	He's like, what the fuck?
	What are they, what, you got shines living in here now?
	That's how I felt about the movie.
	What the fuck are these shines doing?
	Well, they did add a huge black art.
	Oh, Mike.
	Look.
	Spoiler alert.
	You know what?
	If you want to do a movie about some young black gangsters in South Jersey, which was not a thing in the late 70s, moving in on a major crime family and trying to take their shit, which would not work out well for you, it didn't work out for the Westies even, and they don't care if they die.
	Then make that a movie.
	That's fine.
	And I'll watch that.
	I'd love to watch that.
	This is not that.
	So why'd you make it that?
	This was supposed to be about Tony Soprano getting into a world of crime.
	That's what the fucking trailers were.
	And we watched the movie, and 60% of it is a BLM woke movie about the black experience and racist Italians.
	The fuck?
	I have an argument to that.
	Now, Paul Bazile called me.
	He was like, what the fuck did I just watch?
	And I'm like, listen, if you really break it down here, the black cat, alright, Chris's dad, Dickie, who does he kill?
	He kills his wife.
	Am I still?
	You know what?
	Before this, I'm going to put spoiler alert.
	Okay, he doesn't kill his wife, moron.
	He kills his Gumar.
	All the people he kills, he has good reason for, and it's very personal to him.
	The black guy has his best friend killed because he's a retard.
	He's like, why don't you be a soldier?
	Because he wants to be a wannabe gangster.
	He's jealous.
	His motivation.
	He only kills people that, like this poor little kid.
	And then some moments.
	Dude, I don't care if blacks are treated well or badly in the movie.
	They're portrayed.
	I don't want them in the movie.
	It was a black movie.
	It was BET.
	It was...
	I wanted to see Tony Spencer.
	And here's another major problem.
	Whatever, what's his name?
	Michael Gandolfini?
	Yeah.
	He has the most punchable face I've ever seen in my entire life.
	My fist was going like this as I was.
	What is with that smile?
	Every scene, he's fucking, hello.
	This big dovey hoo.
	That's before he had Edge.
	Oh my god, it was so irritating with his big hair and his hello.
	I'm fucking Tony Soprano.
	I'm getting mad just talking about his fucking smile.
	The part in the ice cream chip.
	I was just elbowing my wife every time he was on screen and going to her.
	Holy fuck, it reeked.
	And he's the worst actor in the world.
	They must have went, this is not working out, and said, let's make him like a, like Jaws.
	We'll make the whole thing about the presence of the shark, but we won't show the shark.
	I was looking at his face going, I know what you are.
	And Ryan and I are guilty of this too.
	You're an alpha male, super tough guy who married a ditz.
	And now you're half alpha male, tough guy, and half dits.
	I'm looking at some stupid bitch in your body.
	My dad was the kind of king of his neighborhood in the gorbels, and he married this hot blonde with huge tits, and now I'm half bimbo.
	Oh, yeah, that is true.
	Just kidding, mom.
	You're a genius.
	We have that same mix.
	Smiled.
	Ryan's dad was fucking crushing pussy all over the hair salons.
	He fucked some dumb Puerto Rican bitch.
	And now you're half dumb Puerto Rican bitch.
	That's that smile.
	Dude, I know what you mean.
	Look at that face.
	What are you doing?
	You stole some ice cream.
	Get over it.
	Can you believe we got free ice cream?
	That's not even the bad one.
	This one here.
	Hold on, wait.
	When he's put right here.
	It's literally like you're saying, dohur.
	Like, the director's got to go, hey, hey, Junior, take it down a notch with their dopey smile.
	Jesus Christ, what is this?
	A Kogade ad?
	I'm telling you, all, all, you know, all right, let's say the black people are in there.
	That sucks, right?
	That they have that arc.
	If you really break down everything that's going on, it's not a flattering portrayal.
	I don't care.
	All right.
	And they look dumb.
	I don't care.
	Okay, I get what you're saying.
	You're saying, like, it wasn't some big BET, like, Black People Are Awesome thing.
	And you see a movie.
	My point.
	My point is, if you see the story of Kiss, and it's Gene Simmons, the Israeli, and Paul Stanley, they meet in New York City and they start a band and then they decide to put on makeup.
	And then they're Kiss and they don't do drugs and they fuck tons of chicks and they're bankrupt for a while, but then they start selling merch and that makes them the biggest thing ever.
	And there's the Kiss Army and blah, blah, blah.
	And then they lose the makeup.
	Imagine that was 60% black people.
	Yeah, that would be.
	Negatively or positively betrayed isn't really the point.
	The point is, what?
	It's Kiss.
	Like, there wasn't a lot of mixing of Italians and blacks in the late 70s.
	There still isn't today, to be honest.
	Besides in Sicily.
	Besides my boxing.
	Oh, I'm Sigiliani.
	No, that joke doesn't work because it assumes that North Africans are black.
	You might have a case that Sicilians are part Arab.
	But that whole like, your mom, your grandmother fucked the Mulin Yan doesn't make any sense because she wouldn't get to sub-Saharan Africa.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.
	Overall, what'd you think, though?
	Shitty.
	You wanted more Tony?
	I wanted more Tony.
	I wanted more mob shit.
	I wanted more Pauli walnuts.
	I wanted more Pauli.
	Here's the thing.
	It should be about...
	What I should know from this after the movie is what it's like for a young Italian kid with mob connections to start a normal childhood and then slowly acquiesce into a life of crime.
	The director said that's never what it was about, and he was upset that they marketed so much around Tony.
	It was like a...
	He was like, it was never really.
	Okay, then we share that upset.
	Yes.
	Because I was sold the evolution of a gangster.
	In fact, the poster says who made Tony Soprano.
	He was pissed.
	And then you turn on and it's Soul Train.
	Yeah.
	He was pissed about that.
	And the Gumar, fresh off the boat from Italy, is fucking the black dude.
	Yeah.
	That was a real scourge.
	That was a real thing back then was Italian Gumars who barely spoke English.
	Fucking all the black dudes.
	But then it's, then that conversation is just weird.
	He's like, I thought that would be different.
	And he's like, was it?
	And she's like, no, not at all.
	And then he's like, yeah, I know Italians are great lovers.
	Whatever.
	Okay, so he had the depth to show black people as imperfect.
	Okay, that's nice.
	You could see the writing.
	Why am I watching Good Times?
	And again, I'd love to see a movie about black dudes infiltrating the mob and taking over their extortion racket.
	That's my favorite shit.
	You could have a piano as the logo, black versus white, ebony versus ivory.
	Love it.
	I love it.
	But that's not what this was marketed as.
	I wanted to watch Tony go bad.
	Yeah, I know, me too.
	He's barely in it.
	His stupid punchable face is barely in it.
	They have signed on for another movie, and they want Terrence Winter to be involved in it.
	He's a great writer for HBO and stuff like that.
	And he was only pissed at HBO, and he was thinking about not working with them because he didn't want it released on HBO Max at the same time.
	But they're going to do another movie.
	Okay, what's this one going to be?
	60% Amish?
	What's this going to be?
	The history of punk thrown in?
	Like, what are you doing?
	Did you notice that?
	Is there not enough culture and stories and idiosyncrasies in the fucking mob scene?
	Yeah, they're not interesting enough, those mobsters.
	They're so boring.
	Let's throw in a whole other thing.
	That's true.
	That's true.
	They're called zips for a reason.
	What I like is...
	Because they talk fast and they've got mannerisms and stuff.
	I forgot we're saying zips.
	That's our new thing.
	I forgot.
	I only heard it at my gym.
	And my son was calling his Italian friend a guido.
	I'm like, no, dude.
	Zips.
	Go zips.
	So the riot thing, I like how in there it's a little subtle jab.
	They're like, yeah, these guys think that we killed the guy.
	We didn't.
	That's a lie.
	The guy's fine.
	But they're rioting around.
	And then they just show pointless looting and stuff.
	And you're just like, yeah.
	Sounds true.
	Sounds like great content for a different movie.
	All right, that's enough talking about the Sopranos.
	I almost, I couldn't figure out my Audible app, and it kept trying to update me to Prime for $15 a month, which is more than censored.tv, and I don't listen to audiobooks very much.
	So I didn't buy this because it was going to cost me $16.
	I probably wouldn't have tuned in for a year.
	That would have been $160 to hear this asshole.
	But I looked up that dick from last week, Frederick, what's his name?
	Douglas, who did the book, Your Black Friend, How White People Can Be Better People.
	And have you got the reviews down there?
	Let's see.
	Looking forward to reading this book, blah, blah, blah.
	It's just for self-hating whites.
	Frederick Joseph.
	Okay, this one is good.
	How to be Racist 101.
	The name of this book truly should be How to Be Racist 101.
	An exact quote from the book is, white people just aren't interesting.
	All they know are other white things.
	Wow.
	What does that mean?
	If you're looking for a biased book to make you feel good about your own weird racist views, then this is the book for you.
	I'm not even going to give, going to go into his credibility.
	You definitely have an accomplice in me.
	Wait, wait, go back.
	Very good, but.
	As a gay white male, I found this book strength to his sharing a story, analyzing personal experiences.
	I'm so sick of personal experiences.
	Keep going.
	There was one.
	No, no, show more.
	No.
	Was it a five star or one star?
	It was one star.
	Is this all like brand new reviews?
	Boy, he sold a lot of books.
	You got to hand it to him.
	This guy knows how to hustle.
	That woman sold a lot of books for him.
	Yeah.
	Okay, I don't see it there, but it was a great review where she says, this guy's an idiot and a racist.
	He says that when people see him, he doesn't want people to just see him, Frederick Joseph.
	He wants them to see the years and years of history and soul food and rap and funk and our culture and, I don't know, the fucking Omaha massacre, whatever, Oklahoma massacre.
	And at the same time, he says that white people, you should just see them as who they are.
	Everyone should just be seen as who they are.
	So a white person is just a guy.
	He doesn't represent history.
	Oh, there it is.
	He literally says he does not want white people to view him as a human being, but instead as a rich black history, soul food, etc.
	But then he tells how appalling it is when others assume that all black people like rap music.
	He lectures you about not generalizing, and then he calls a group of popular girls in his high school mean girls, like in the Mean Girls movie.
	And I'll call each of them Ashley because they all looked like Ashley.
	What is this?
	His attitude is appalling.
	He trashes every white person who tried to do their best to be friendly to him because they said things the wrong way or responded the wrong way.
	Yeah, that's all that the race hustlers are left with is microaggressions.
	Like, don't touch my hair.
	How much bullshit have you heard about touching your hair?
	You can touch my hair.
	But let's check out a sample of his audiobook just to torture ourselves.
	I think I would have been a fun read if I could figure out a way to do it cheaper than $160.
	Click on the sample there.
	Though, with the way things are going, I'm not sure I will be.
	I saw you recently in the midst of everyone trying to survive the pandemic and protesting for social justice.
	And as usual, you didn't have a care in the world.
	I think I know why.
	I wish that I could make it so that your life was always that way.
	But it won't be long before the stress of being black in this world finds you.
	Oh, yeah, this is it to his baby daughter.
	Either you pretend oppression isn't happening, sounds good, or you fight back.
	What?
	Against some drunk chick who used a rude word and destroy her life?
	Just that smoke is the reason.
	You have an argument that America was on fire up until the assassination of Martin Luther King.
	As Maddie Odell says, if you're born after 1970, shut the fuck up.
	It's that simple.
	And if you have examples of horrific oppression from before that, shut the fuck up.
	Christopher Columbus was mean to the indigenous people in the Caribbean 400 years ago?
	Yeah, I figured.
	They were pretty mean to each other.
	When Christopher Columbus arrived, one tribe was eating the other tribe.
	And they said, Chris, can you help us?
	This tribe keeps eating us.
	Ooh, that's a hate crime right there, bro.
	That's a new one.
	Yeah, Steven, a guy named Steven, sent it in my email.
	People are just sending me emails to send him now.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, they're like, hey, I heard you're not getting too much love in here.
	So, hey.
	Well, I'm glad you're seeing them for a change.
	Yes.
	Also in the news, Joe Rogan is dead meat.
	I would be shitting my pants if I was him.
	I don't know if he can fight.
	I don't think he can.
	But Shank Uger says he would end Joe Rogan in a fight.
	Just crush him.
	Look how scared Joe is, too.
	He is scared.
	What does Joe Rogan know about fighting?
	Nothing.
	Maybe commentary on it, but that's it.
	Yeah, I don't.
	I don't even think he knows what he's doing.
	The first time I did Joe Rogan, I walk into his gym, which is behind his studio, and he's upside down.
	He's stretching his body because when you're constantly crushing people's skulls, it compacts your spine.
	So he was trying this new invention with weights and stuff to stretch out his spine, decrushify it from the constant murdering he's been doing.
	I don't think there's one person at my gym, including senior citizens, who couldn't beat up Chenk.
	And I'm not talking about Asians.
	Go down.
	I'll make a $1,000 donation to your trash network or your charity of choice to see you call Joe Rogan, who's not only the most successful podcast in history, but also a black belt in mixed martial arts, a loser to his face.
	Deal.
	Easiest thousand bucks I ever made.
	You think he's going to assault me?
	Sure, whatever.
	That's incredibly dumb.
	But also wouldn't work.
	I'm much larger than Joe, and I've fought my whole life.
	I'd end him.
	What do you mean you fought your whole life?
	Bullshit.
	I would end him.
	Anyway, I thought that was fucking hilarious.
	Is there footage of Chenk fighting people?
	Look it up.
	If you've been doing it your whole life, there must be something.
	Let's see you on the speed bag, Chenk.
	Well, I don't have a speed bag.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	It's just going to be tons of people talking about that.
	Yeah, there's no footage of him fighting.
	Maybe he means metaphorically.
	I've been fighting for liberal values my whole life.
	I've been fighting obesity my whole life.
	I've been fighting the desire to constantly masturbate my whole life.
	In other news, Bill Maher, people are saying he's becoming too much like me.
	Don't you think?
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	Bill Maher went from giving off past the joint bro vibes to get off my lawn over the last 18 months.
	And honestly, it sucks.
	Oh, I was going to like it.
	Isn't that great?
	You know, Bill Maher is like Chelsea Handler.
	His life is just a miserable, loveless shithole.
	He has no one in his life.
	He just fucks chicks with big fake tits, which is kind of gay.
	And his entire life, I heard him on an interview with, I think it was Stern, actually.
	His entire life is fucking working on his monologues.
	He'll spend like 30 hours working on his monologues.
	His monologues are annoying.
	Okay, people.
	New rule.
	You come across as tedious and pedantic, and even liberals are bored of your shit.
	That's why Dunnegan fries him so easily, because he's imitable.
	Dude, and you saw the clip of Marr reacting to the impression?
	Yeah, he doesn't like it.
	He doesn't refuse to listen to it.
	He's like, no, well, I'm done here anyway, so you don't have to show it.
	Yeah.
	Fucking lemo.
	Mockery is every pompous asshole is Achilles' heel.
	And if you can't take people making fun of you, then you suck.
	There's this clip of this woman saying what it's like to have sex with them.
	And I never watched it, but I know it exists, and I'm looking for it.
	Is that something that interests you?
	New rule, people.
	You have to blow me for at least 10 minutes.
	You have to pay attention to the balls, okay?
	New rule.
	Welcome to Drinking, Bro.
	It is eight minutes, so I don't know where that.
	Really, like, weird, though.
	Bill Maher?
	Well, he's older.
	You know that, right?
	Like, he's in his 60s, and it's like...
	I lied to him.
	So I swear I had to lie to everybody about my age.
	So when I went there, I was 18, and he was like, how old are you?
	I was like, I'm 22.
	He was like, well, when did you graduate high school?
	I couldn't think of the math in my head.
	So I just said something.
	He was like, well, sweetie, that would mean you're this old.
	And so I was like, fuck.
	He was like, sir, you're lying to me.
	I don't like liars.
	So he got real serious.
	And then he started asking me other questions.
	Really?
	So I was getting money from him, obviously, because he paid me for the service, blah, blah, blah.
	And I had to split it with the person or give them a cut because they booked it.
	He was like, what person?
	He was so mad.
	You could tell he probably wanted to cancel.
	It was the most awkwardest experience ever.
	But there's so much more of it.
	Who dressed her Milo?
	He's a really big dick, though.
	That's when it hurts.
	Oh.
	But there's so much more, but I don't want to speak on it.
	He's a really big dick, though.
	That's when it hurt.
	What do people know about Bill Maher's dick?
	I don't know.
	That's what I've heard.
	I've never heard that.
	And circles are you in?
	It's like, all right, cool.
	Lots of people talking about his dick.
	No dick, people.
	All right, that's boring.
	Once again, Ryan brings some shit to the show and smears it all over the screen.
	We have to update you.
	Dude, can you put together a compilation of these?
	I'm going to have to make a video of free green screen where we just go through them all because K through 12 is the most important thing to focus on right now.
	They're brainwashing our children.
	We're getting a divorce and they're trying to get the kids.
	And there's been like 20 of these, right?
	Every episode we have one.
	We had the teacher, the kindergarten teacher who in her classroom, trans, in his classroom, was saying, who's going to give me my licks?
	Who's going to spank me?
	And then we had the one with the Pledge Allegiance to the trans flag.
	Then we had the Antifa guy, the Project Veritas exposed.
	Then we had the one who couldn't show us her hand tattoos enough going, I screwed up, guys.
	I misgendered someone.
	Remember her?
	Yeah, I tried to find that one.
	There's like a thousand.
	No, there's not a thousand.
	I'd say there's nine viral winners.
	And what I think is most telling about this is their arrogance.
	Cops don't dare do a TikTok video about their job.
	They'll be fired like that.
	Teachers can't get fired.
	So they'll sit there and talk about themselves, sexualize things.
	I saw one that isn't even in the notes today where this woman was like, how to convince my seventh graders to wear the mask.
	And then she does a dance where she goes, the mask makes your butt look like you've done a thousand squats.
	And someone goes, why are you sexualizing your seventh grade students?
	Telling them that they're going to have a nice ass.
	If you do what I say, you'll have a nice plump ass.
	So let's show this stupid bitch.
	I got cornered by three of my sixth grade students at lunch today.
	Hold on a second, stop.
	So six is like 11 years old, 12 years old.
	You should be learning about the Constitution, the Founding Fathers, the Bill of Rights.
	You should be doing calculus, at least at an introductory level, algebra, variables.
	How is she smart enough to teach a 12-year-old anything?
	students at lunch today, and they came up to me all excited.
	They were like, Miss Collins, Miss Collins, what's your sexuality?
	I said, Why do you need to know that right now?
	And then she's like, Oh, do you get this megalomania, this me-me-me vibes off of her?
	Even their little gestures, like the one with the hand tattoo, and then this thing.
	It's so like me.
	I don't know why they're so interested in me, but I was like, I guess I'll tell.
	Hi, everyone.
	So people were talking about me again, and I didn't know how much I could say about me.
	So, you know, it was so, I don't know, me.
	And they were like, oh, I don't know.
	I just think you'd be like a super fun, like, buy or pan person.
	And I said, well, I. Maybe this should have been a green screen.
	I don't like that 12-year-olds are talking to adults about bi or pan.
	Bi means that you suck cocks and you also eat lots of pussy.
	You also get fucked up the ass if you're a dude.
	And you also fuck chicks with dicks.
	That's bi.
	Pan is even worse.
	Pan is you fuck absolutely anything that moves.
	If it's human, it's getting your genitals in its face.
	So I don't give a fuck what adults do, but that's perverted and gross.
	And kids shouldn't know about that.
	I have no problem with kink.
	Roger Stone, I love his lifestyle.
	Go bananas, have orgies.
	I've had fucking plenty of threesomes, done crazy shit, fucked lots of chicks.
	But that's weird, and kids shouldn't know about it.
	Half the time, like I think about the things I've done, I go, oh my lord, and I'm 51 and I'm offended by my own sex life.
	I shouldn't even know what I do.
	I'm disgusted by my own proclivities.
	But I don't feel this compulsion to get kids into the mix.
	What are the chances she's making this up?
	Oh.
	Pretty high.
	Very high.
	Yeah.
	74%.
	74% chance this didn't even happen.
	Oh, actually.
	No, I've seen this whole video.
	I'm upping my number to 86.
	Wow.
	What are you at?
	It's like low 90s.
	It's like quiet.
	It's quiet for her.
	It's a liar.
	What's Jesse Lee Peterson?
	Is he there?
	No, you know what?
	Oh, shit.
	I would put him on, but somebody even cooler just came.
	Not that he's cooler.
	I shouldn't say that.
	Someone different.
	Somebody different, but also very important.
	We just got news today from Facebook that the lesbian teachers are talking to their kids about gross stuff.
	Project Veritas unleashes a new expose on these people, and we have the documents to prove it.
	And we're going to show you the video later.
	Yeah, he does have a little jolt.
	I got to do a sit-down interview with him.
	I'd be rocking.
	I think Katie, her new episode is in New York, so I think she's in town.
	Would you fucking sit her down?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I'll reach out to her.
	She had me fly out to meet some billionaires for dinner, and I flew to LA, had the dinner, and flew back the next day.
	As tiring as going to visit Max, nothing happened.
	Whoa.
	That's balls.
	One of them asked me, how much would you charge to do a talk at someone's house?
	And I joked 15 grand or something.
	It was just joking.
	And then I think that blew it.
	Oh.
	But to be honest.
	I think I know why.
	I don't want to get on a plane and go to someone's house.
	So it would be a very high number, maybe $5,000 if I could record it.
	Anyway, sorry.
	Very tangent-heavy episode.
	$700 billion and a trillion $300 million billion dollars.
	Wait a minute.
	Go back.
	I think that's correct, except for the last billion.
	$700 billion and a trillion $300 million billion dollars.
	What?
	Wait, how could something be a billion then a trillion?
	No, it's two different numbers.
	Oh, and $700 billion is one number.
	And a trillion, he meant to say a trillion $300 billion.
	But he said a trillion,300 million.
	So there's really just one word wrong.
	Oh.
	$700 billion and a trillion,300,000 billion dollars.
	He messed up the million a billion.
	Yeah, he said million instead of billion.
	Okay.
	Anyway, we've said million a billion so many times.
	They sound weird now, but they don't sound like words.
	Million billion ASPN.
	I said, well, I don't really know how much I'm allowed to talk about this to students, but does looking at my shoelaces help?
	Oh, God.
	And these kids just flipped out.
	They were so excited.
	Oh, I remember seeing this visual cue for liars.
	And one is right before their lie, they look to the left or to a certain direction.
	She was looking to the right.
	But so I was fighting Conor McGregor.
	No.
	I got into an argument with Conor McGregor and we got into a fight and I ended up kicking his ass.
	That's what they do.
	Now sometimes they flip these videos, so one's to the left, one's to the right.
	Oh, right.
	So I'm not sure if they, because I tried to look at the posters, see if they're flipped, the text.
	Hard to tell.
	Can we see, can we find her?
	Don't they have their tag?
	Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	No, zoom in there.
	Springsteen, N.B. Springsteen.
	N.B. Springsteen.
	Drew?
	Wait, is...
	Is Bruce Springsteen Jewish?
	Yeah, it's Bruce Springsteen.
	Oh.
	Remember, no one could spell two generations, three generations ago.
	So all this like Schmidt and Schmidt and oh my god, we've opened up a Pandora's nightmare.
	Someone who has been stuck in traffic in New York for over an hour trying to find fucking parking.
	Looks like you're stuck in bikes 500 times gravity.
	So I was right.
	She's an imbecile.
	It is not possible to find parking in New York, and it hasn't been possible since the 1920s.
	There has never been street parking.
	You have to pay, and it costs an arm and a leg.
	Now, you could park, if you have a commercial vehicle, meaning you have, get off my lawn with the address on your door, then you can pay for commercial parking.
	But even then, you have a snowball's chance in hell of finding anything.
	If it's free parking after 6 and you're there at 5.59, possibly.
	Possibly.
	But as far as just driving to New York and getting a spot, not happening.
	You have to pay.
	And it sucks.
	So don't bring a car to Manhattan.
	Who doesn't know that?
	So it is flipped.
	You do not need to experience snow that you're going to hate that.
	For example.
	See, everything's flipped.
	So they say spot lies with the eye movement.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So we don't know which direction.
	She's lying.
	She's lying.
	But go back, go back.
	Driving in New York City on a weekend with a puppy.
	Some things in life you do not need to experience snow that you're going to hate them.
	Wait, what does her shirt say?
	We are here to protect the.
	Some things in life.
	The line.
	You do not need to experience snow that you're going to hate them.
	For example, driving in New York City.
	We are here to protect the something.
	Look that up.
	Maybe that's some super radical symbol.
	The something lines.
	Wait, is that from the Hunger Games?
	Because that bird or something?
	I don't mind if she's into silly movies and stuff, but if that's some bizarre communist thing, let's get her fired.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Get her fired.
	Get her in trouble.
	Yeah.
	The rest of the same.
	We are here to protect the.
	In quotes, it's got to bring it.
	I have some fun stuff coming up, by the way, folks.
	I know we're sort of meandering this episode, but it was a great weekend for my pet Biden.
	Ooh, we haven't had that in a while.
	I think he's got, I think the left is experiencing buyers' remorse.
	I mean, even Obama was saying, yeah, open borders are not tenable.
	That's a bad long-term plan.
	So Barack Obama's coming out of the closet as a Biden hater.
	Gas prices, inflation, this COVID shit getting worse every day and more and more ridiculous.
	I mean, everyone is fighting back.
	Everyone has had enough.
	Seeing a multiracial group in New York City protesting the pandemic is a sign that we are turning a corner.
	Did anything come up?
	No.
	And now I'm putting in shirt.
	I tried it proper, and now I'm doing it with a shirt.
	So nothing came up?
	And then dot, dot, dot, line?
	No.
	No, no.
	Just, there was no dot, dot, dot.
	Stop, stop.
	We are here to protect the and then go into all.
	I did.
	Nothing comes up, just a bunch of weird stuff.
	Poop.
	There's a bird.
	All right, that's enough.
	Wandering.
	Let's hit my pet Biden.
	The bird.
	My kids were asking me my techniques for pussy eating, like kindergarten kids.
	And I was like, start slow.
	That's the key.
	I think kids should know how to eat pussy.
	And then you're like, look at my shoelaces if it's an indicator.
	I didn't even like that as a joke.
	Pussy slow on your shoelaces.
	Where'd you get those, Dad?
	My eight-year-olds were asking me about butt plugs.
	Actually, that was one.
	Remember that woman?
	She said, my eight-year-old came in and asked me about my strap-on because it was drying on the bathtub.
	You're so fucking gross.
	Like, imagine you're staying at a friend's house and their strap-on is in the bathroom.
	You go, Mark, what the fuck, dude?
	Gross.
	It's such a marked thing, too.
	Biden.
	Biden.
	President.
	Sleepy.
	But a friendly monster too.
	My cat.
	Biden.
	Wait, what?
	That doesn't rhyme.
	Uh.
	Why is there a censored TV bug in the bottom left?
	Doesn't that person understand that we put the bug on?
	Is that bugging you?
	Yes.
	So, fuck Joe Biden flags, etc., is almost bigger than Trump as far as its popularity right now.
	I don't know if there's more Trump flags or more fuck Joe Biden flags.
	I think Trump is still winning, but fuck Biden is becoming quite a mantra.
	Fuck Joe Biden.
	So Jason Aldean, his wife is selling fuck Joe Biden merch 1.6.
	Right?
	Or is that 1.6 you just pulled up?
	Why wouldn't you go in order?
	This is 1.6.
	Yeah, okay.
	So what do those say now?
	As a New Yorker, I don't want your stinking vaccine, Donald Trump.
	Cut two, Joe Biden.
	If you have not vaccinated, you should have zero contact with the public.
	Okay?
	So your views change depending on who's in charge.
	Go back.
	I wouldn't consider taking a vaccine from this criminally treasonous government ever.
	Not even if I witnessed every Trump grandchild receiving it first.
	Cut two, if you believe in the invisible skydaddy but not the vaccines, I don't want to know you.
	So if you're Christian, or not even Christian, if you believe in God and you don't have the vaccine, fuck you.
	Apparently, at a few colleges, a few colleges' football games this weekend, a chant broke out.
	Fuck Joe Biden, be clear, Trumpism made this okay.
	And then she goes, when fuck Donald Trump trends, I like Twitter even more.
	So this was just a few weeks after.
	I love these things, by the way.
	This is what's so great about Twister?
	About Twitter.
	It has the receipts.
	Next.
	Oh, this is Robert Reich, our famous little oompa loompa.
	Which party will voters blame for the shutdown?
	The last three federal government shutdowns occurred during a divided government.
	Now Republicans run it all.
	How can one party not be able to keep the government open?
	If it shuts, it will be on the heads of the GOP.
	He doesn't even speak English correctly.
	That's not an expression.
	It'll be on the heads.
	That's on your head.
	Like, that's on your watch.
	But this happened on your head, young man.
	What?
	That's not a thing.
	But then cut to his government shutdowns means Americans won't get the services they depend on.
	Federal workers won't get their paychecks.
	People's livelihoods will be upended as the pandemic rages on.
	But none of this matters to Republicans.
	They care only about power, never about people.
	Wait a minute.
	How is that a contradiction?
	So he's saying Republicans had better not shut down the government.
	And now that Biden's in charge, he says none of this matters to Republicans.
	But the shutdown's happening under Democrats.
	That's not a very fun one.
	And you're not doing a very good job if you can't mock Robert Reich, a total illiterate who just makes up facts.
	I remember one time in college, I was doing an essay about how Russia is no threat in the Cold War, and there's no way that they would ever launch nuclear weapons.
	And as I did my research, I discovered I was wrong, and they would, they are a threat to America, and they might launch these nuclear weapons, or at least that's what all the books I got said.
	I was at a cheap university, Carleton University in Ottawa, and the books were from the fucking 60s and 70s.
	So you know what I did?
	I just changed the quotes in the books to what I wanted.
	And when it said they would strike, I just wrote wouldn't.
	And I had all the same sources.
	I just gambled that the professor wouldn't go to that source and find that page.
	I did pretty good.
	I think I got a C plus.
	And that was obviously idiotic and unethical and a waste of everybody's time.
	But that's Robert Reich's entire career.
	He just makes shit up.
	And he's not an economist.
	He writes incessantly about the economy.
	He's a fucking law.
	He's a lawyer.
	Anyway, sorry, tangent time.
	So go to 17.
	This is the Jason Aldean thing.
	So click on the daily caller first.
	That's John Rich of Big and Rich saying, welcome aboard.
	But click on the article.
	I will never apologize.
	Country superstar says he's unapologetic following backlash against wife's anti-Biden post.
	He's not going to lose.
	Jason Aldean, the guy who does, she's country.
	Yeah.
	From her cowboy boots to her downhome roots.
	That's the way she was born and raised.
	I'm doing a Bronx accent for some reason.
	That's the way.
	That's the way she was born and raised.
	That doesn't exist.
	We need a Bronx country singer.
	She's country, for fuck's sakes.
	That's the way.
	It's a very difficult situation.
	It's the way she was born and raised.
	Maybe that's how Tony Soprano got so tough.
	He kept getting punched in the face every time he smiled as a kid.
	Hello?
	I'm Tony Jr.
	Go to the picture, though.
	That's not loading for some annoying reason.
	No, no, the picture of his wife wearing the anti-Biden thing.
	You post on Instagram.
	Oh, Instagram's down.
	That's right.
	Well, go find it somewhere else.
	Daily Mail.
	Aldean.
	Look up Aldean wife Biden.
	Because she's fucking hot.
	Is she?
	You thought hairband guys get hot groupies?
	Oh, country guys get the fucking...
	Learn some fucking country songs, boys.
	Start talking like this to people.
	Look at her.
	What'd you say that is?
	Is that a 10?
	So wait, wait, that's a play on a punk band, isn't it?
	Or a...
	Anti-social social club.
	It's like some hardcore band, isn't it?
	Underground merch thing?
	It's almost like Supreme, the way their merch is highly sought after.
	Oh, I see.
	So she's cool enough to rip that off.
	What'd you say she is?
	I want to say a nine, just because tens feel silly.
	It seems pretty nine-ish, but there's a lot of makeup on that face.
	Yeah, good point.
	You can't really tell these days.
	I love how you're brave if you don't like a shitty president.
	Okay, we finally made it to the fun part.
	NASCAR racer Brandon something, I don't know anything about car races, was being interviewed by NBC.
	This is the title of today's episode, Let's Go, Brandon.
	And everyone in the audience was yelling, fuck Joe Biden.
	And this was the NBC reporter's take on it.
	Thank you to all of our partners.
	Oh my God, it's just such an unbelievable moment.
	Brandon, you also told me.
	As you can hear the chants from the crowd.
	Let's go, Brandon.
	Brandon, you told me.
	You are going to come to me.
	My name's Lucas.
	Brandon Nichols lost this race.
	Brandon Nichols crashed his car in the first lap.
	Rest in peace.
	I loved him.
	Are people happy he's dead?
	We saw his charred body in the tarmac.
	It's not even cold yet.
	Yeah.
	He's definitely dead.
	There's no going anywhere.
	There's no going.
	And look, he knows what it's saying.
	Each line didn't stay to one and everything shifted top to bottom so much.
	Thank you to all of our partners.
	You know what I sense right there?
	Remember when Trump did the pussy joke to what's his name, Billy Bush?
	And you could feel Billy Bush going, I'm in a viral moment, or I hope this doesn't go live, or I hope I'm not part of this, which he ended up having his career ruined, by the way, just for being near that joke, that quip, that story.
	But he looks right there like he senses that he's going viral.
	He feels it, and he doesn't want to be on that tidal wave.
	He feels the water swelling underneath him, and he's like, I know it's not.
	Let's go, Brandon.
	But I've got my sponsors.
	This is a great moment for me.
	I don't want to become the fuck Joe Biden race car driver.
	I don't like Joe Biden, but I don't want to be part of this.
	In this world, where you get canceled if your dad said nigger in the 80s, remember that other driver?
	Yeah.
	Or if you call a golf ball a faggot.
	Maybe it just says NASCAR weird.
	I love Rod Nigger, NASCAR.
	No, he definitely said it.
	Never mind.
	So anyway, I did try and fuck her.
	She was married.
	Who's there?
	No, Nancy.
	No, this was...
	And I moved on her very heavily.
	In fact, I took her out furniture shop.
	She wanted to get some furniture.
	I said, I'll show you where that's some nice furniture.
	I took out furniture.
	I moved on her like a bitch.
	But I couldn't get there.
	And she was married.
	And all of a sudden, I see her.
	She's now got the big phony tits and everything.
	She's totally changed her look.
	I've got to use some TikToks just in case they start kissing her.
	You know, I'm automatically.
	How could no one understand what this is?
	It's like I always criticize liberals and people who are lost in a Facebook bubble because they haven't met black people or working class people or fucking immigrants with accents.
	They don't seem to know anybody.
	And if you watch that and you're offended, you've not met a dude.
	You haven't hung around 50% of the population.
	How sheltered are you that you don't get what's going on there?
	It's a famous guy denigrating himself to make someone else laugh and amuse them.
	I'm a bitch.
	I moved on her like a bitch.
	It was pathetic.
	That's how guys riff.
	They insult each other.
	They insult themselves.
	As Joe Rogan says, guys will completely destroy each other to their face and then say great things about the guy behind his back.
	Women are the opposite.
	I've actually never heard that part of the audio before.
	Oh, I heard it.
	I just went right to defending him.
	It's like if you're like somebody you know does something, you just automatically defend them.
	You're like, let's actually see what he did there.
	Yeah, he did that.
	But it's not a big deal.
	You know what would have been controversial?
	Something like, I know I should appreciate women, and I have the biological imperative, but I've never felt a connection with a woman.
	Even my wife now, Melania, I love fucking her, but the second I'm done, I'm like, get the fuck out of here.
	That's why I've been divorced so many times because they just get on my nerves.
	I thought I was gay when I was younger, but I'm not interested sexually in guys.
	I hate women.
	I think they're stupid.
	Okay, that's controversial.
	That guy probably shouldn't be president.
	That guy's bad for the country.
	This wasn't that.
	This was, I was pathetic when I was trying to get laid.
	That's funny.
	By the way, we're all pathetic when we're trying to get laid.
	We've all taken the girl shopping.
	We've all moved on her like a bitch.
	It's a funny thing to bond on.
	Anyway.
	So, let's go Brandon has gone viral.
	And it means fuck Joe Biden.
	Oh, dude, we got to do Let's Go Brandon shirts.
	Yeah.
	That's it.
	That's happening.
	That's it.
	That's it, girl.
	We got to move fast, too.
	Maybe we'll just put them on the site, make them in Photoshop, and by the time people buy them, we'll have made them that little trick.
	So what's 17B?
	Oh, you already showed 17B, right?
	So go 17C.
	This is a funny one from that same Twitter account where the guy says, incredible that they were flying a Let's Go Brandon flag before he even won.
	It makes it look like the races are fixed, right?
	You have a Let's Go Brandon flag?
	Damn.
	And he wins?
	Too much of a coincidence.
	And then what's 1-8?
	Oh, yeah.
	I think I had to paste this because Instagram was down.
	Wait till Brandon sees this.
	Oh, yeah.
	Great job tonight, Brandon.
	The people were all cheering you on.
	I hope that chant spreads like a wildfire.
	Let's go, Branton.
	Isn't that amazing?
	What is he on?
	The second president.
	Wait, wait.
	The previous president is telling the new president to go fuck himself.
	Oh, you're right.
	He's off of Twitter, right?
	Yeah.
	So this must be fake?
	Oh, no.
	Thanks for ruining my fun, Ryan.
	This poor guy's like, can someone fill me in?
	Who's Brandon?
	And why do I not know what's going on?
	Oh, he'll never sleep now.
	Thanks, Patriots, who respond.
	I don't miss him anywhere, ever.
	Shut up, bitch.
	Why are you following Jack Pasovic?
	Yeah, so I think Joe Biden did it.
	And then here's the craziest one.
	I had an argument with a fellow MAGA dad this morning.
	Yeah, that's just an introduction to the thing.
	Where he goes, I sent him this picture.
	I'm on a MAGA dad group chat, and I put this on the group chat, and I said, Boris Johnson obviously doesn't use the Internet and nor does anyone around him.
	Zoom out.
	Let's go, Brandon.
	Let's go, Brandon.
	Okay, so what happened here?
	Did someone who's MAGA trick him into saying that?
	I'll tell you what, it's not.
	It's not the prime minister.
	Is he still prime minister?
	Fuck, I'm dumb.
	I believe so.
	It's not the prime minister of Britain telling the president of America to fuck off.
	World leaders don't do that.
	No matter how much they hate each other.
	Trump didn't even say that about Kim Jong-un.
	It's just not the way the world works.
	You don't have world leaders telling each other to fuck off unless you're in some shithole country.
	Is he on cameo?
	Happy birthday.
	So I think it's just either someone tricking him or he's just so clueless that he saw Let's Go Brandon trending and fell for the NBC mistake and he's pretending that it's pro-NASCAR?
	I don't believe this is edited.
	I believe if you look at his mouth.
	Oh, that's a good thing.
	And if you hear the voice, it's a way higher register than his natural voice.
	All right, let's go.
	Let's go, Brandon.
	Let me see the lips again.
	Let's go, Brandon.
	It looks like let's go, Brandon, to me.
	Let's go, Brandon.
	The recording.
	Oh, you know what?
	He's saying, let's go, Britain.
	Oh, shit.
	Perfect.
	Yes, that's what it is.
	That's a good one.
	He's saying, let's go, Britain.
	And someone just re-recorded his voice.
	Wait, just the video is real.
	No.
	It's real.
	Yeah, the video is real.
	Okay, okay.
	It's real him saying, let's go, Britain.
	And there was probably some, that's probably an old video before some soccer game or something.
	But here's the fun part, folks.
	In the era of fake news, when the karmic clouds hand you a win, take it.
	Boris Johnson just told Joe Biden to fuck off.
	I know it's not true.
	I don't care.
	I'm playing a thing called Dirty Pool.
	They want to play Dirty Pool.
	I want to play Dirty Pool.
	So I am pretending, officially, starting now, and I think you should do, that Prime Minister Boris Johnson just told President Joe Biden to go fuck himself.
	And I'm also pretending that that Trump tweet is true, even though he's not on Twitter.
	See, this is, I think it's because I was a liberal when I was a teenager.
	I'm familiar with their rules for radicals.
	We need to start doing rules for radicals.
	Like I said with the election, they pulled out a hockey bag full of Biden votes.
	Where was our hockey bag full of Trump votes?
	We should have cheated.
	It's like they say with the Proud Boys.
	They go, they endorse violence.
	No, the violence is already there.
	They're just getting in the fray to protect people.
	I asked Max if he has any hard feelings.
	And he said, what?
	Why?
	He goes, I beat someone up.
	I got caught.
	I did a lot of things I didn't get caught for.
	I think Max and John and Ethan Nordine should take over rulership of the club.
	They should be the elders.
	But Arizona, the Arizona Proud Boys, have put together such a smart constitution that took the bylaws I wrote with Jason and ironed out all kinds of kinks with like prospects and if this guy leaves and he doxes this guy,
	you do that.
	It's a great little sort of Bible that I think that's all you need.
	Each chapter can be autonomous.
	And that's a great way to avoid fucking Rico bullshit.
	Well, that's another thing Max said.
	He got interrogated by the FBI.
	After January 6th, they took him.
	They did this to John too.
	They go, what's the plan?
	Like, in both prisons, John is known as Proud Boy John.
	Max is known as Proud Boy Max.
	And people are like, that's the guy.
	Like the head of the Hell's Angels or fucking some major gangster like El Chapo.
	Because that's what they see on the news.
	So they take it seriously.
	So I guess Max and John are like, fine, I'll take it.
	People are petrified of me and think I'm some kind of fucking major gangster?
	Sure, why not?
	But the FBI come and they interrogate them both.
	Now, I told you what John said.
	John just goes, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm in prison.
	What am I doing?
	How am I controlling people on the outside?
	And then Max was much more involved and he said, I don't think you guys get it.
	I don't hate the FBI.
	It's my FBI.
	I pay taxes.
	I don't hate the government.
	It's my government.
	I own it.
	I want it fixed.
	I don't like the corruption, but it's mine.
	And he said, and as far as me snitching and giving you people, there's nothing to give.
	He goes, you should have, he's become quite intelligent in there.
	He's become a smart black man.
	That's what Max is now.
	He's like Malcolm X. He said, you should be concerned with two things, a gun or guns and money.
	There's no gun and there's no money.
	So what do you want from me?
	You want me to snitch on guys who did Coke in the bathroom?
	I'm not giving you the guys who do Coke in the bathroom.
	So we can end this now.
	We don't have enough time to go through the guys that did Coke in the bathroom.
	I guess I'll just briefly say everyone.
	If they have a black and yellow.
	You were there.
	They are doing a lot of Coke.
	Remember that Puerto Rican dude during one of the meetings, he said, I shouldn't really disclose what happens at the meetings, but this is an exception.
	He goes, I want to vote to change two of the laws.
	The no beating off law is retarded.
	We should change that.
	And people are doing Coke.
	We should make Coke illegal.
	No Coke.
	And everyone went, no.
	Okay.
	We're running out of time here.
	Let's just look at this picture of this male feminist.
	Just to get mad, this is more punchable than a young James Gandalfini.
	Look at that fucking loser.
	Look at his boots.
	Go down to his boots.
	Zoom in on those boots.
	Look, he's got a carefully manufactured hole in his jeans.
	And then he's got, what do they have, a little zip on the side?
	I don't know if those are monks.
	Are you a 16th century pauper?
	What are you wearing?
	Do you have the plague?
	Those are from the 16th century.
	That's like a helper for King Henry VIII.
	Someone who brings him his gruel.
	Friar Tuck called, he said you can keep his boots.
	Gross.
	And then let's zoom up to his fucking face.
	Men are trash.
	You know, I've said it a million times.
	White males are the only people who hate their own gender and race.
	Can you imagine a black dude, a Japanese woman?
	Nip women are trash.
	Like, it's unfathomable.
	And no one wants to fuck him.
	Do you know how dry pussies get around him?
	You know what you should do if you were a victim of the flood and your basement is flooded?
	Bring in seven women, have them take off their pants and their panties and sit bare-pussied on the floor and then have him walk in.
	The dryness in the room will eradicate all mold.
	You'll have no problems with your drywall and insulation.
	Your basement will be as dry as the day it was made.
	He should work for Wet Vac.
	Exactly.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Take your sump pump and throw it away.
	You don't need a sump pump.
	You just need a pussy and him in the same room.
	He is the Sahara desert of pussies.
	That's why people call him a pussy.
	What an absolute fucking loser.
	And trash doesn't have green slime coming out of it.
	You're thinking of toxic wastes, sir.
	Oh, yeah.
	He sat and painted that with his little paint set.
	He went and bought some paint, and then he made, he spent a lot of time on the men, and then he was kind of bored, which is indicative of women.
	Women do that.
	They start a project and they get bored of it.
	In fact, Heather McDonald's book on diversity is fantastic.
	But towards the end, she starts talking about this private company that gives you lessons on, and they're not woke.
	It's like the founding fathers, the Greek, the Renaissance, classical music, and it's all done in the way they taught it in the 50s without any Black Lives Matter shit in it.
	And she does that so intensely that I feel like she was getting bored of her own book and was just, it ended up being a commercial for an entire chapter on this company.
	And then there's another book like that.
	Amy Chua has a book called World on Fire about how it's not race when people excel.
	It's culture, it's hard work.
	And she goes on to talk about Nigerian immigrants and all these other people who thrive in America because they accept the culture of hard work.
	And then she gets bored of that hypothesis.
	And the last two chapters are some Jared Diamond pizza pie theory of why other groups are successful.
	And it ends up unraveling the previous two-thirds of the book.
	And I think she just got tired.
	Writing a book is hard, especially towards the end.
	That's my sexism for the day.
	Okay, last story that we can't wait, we can't save till tomorrow.
	So there's this woman, Senator Simony.
	And if you follow Amy Siskind, my arch enemy, and any other liberal cunts, they are furious with her because she's a Democrat.
	And she said no to, I believe, the most expensive bill of all time, the Build Back Better bill, which we work out is about $20,000 per paying customer in America, $3.5 fucking trillion dollars to what?
	To have a globalist agenda.
	So these illegal aliens are clearly hired and given a script to harass her.
	Now, imagine, Ryan, you and I are illegal aliens in Japan, and we start harassing in Japanese various Japanese politicians for not giving us citizenship.
	Like if you're illegal, I don't know if you ever dealt drugs before, if you're illegal, you want to hide.
	That's true.
	So what the fuck are these people doing?
	They got balls.
	Chinese are worthy adversaries.
	You know what Chinese illegals do?
	Nothing.
	They hide.
	We don't know where they are.
	We don't know who they are.
	We see them sometimes at night picking up cans, but we don't know how many of them there are.
	We don't know anything.
	Illegal Mexicans just like come strolling in, follow you to the bathroom, and harass you with the script while you're taking a dump.
	Just kidding, women don't poo.
	So go to 2-2.
	Breaking.
	Blanca, an Arizona immigrant youth, the term is illegal alien, so I don't care what age they are.
	An illegal alien in Arizona confronts Senator Sinema inside her classroom where she teaches.
	And then they quote, in 2010, both my grandparents got deported because of SB 1070.
	No, they got deported because they came here illegally.
	My grandfather passed away two weeks ago and I wasn't able to go to Mexico because there's no pathway to citizenship.
	So your grandparents came here illegally.
	They got caught.
	Somehow you didn't get caught.
	But listen to how clearly this is scripted.
	I'll be back.
	Sit down, we want to talk to you real quick.
	We want to talk to you real quick.
	Actually, I am heading out.
	Right now is the real moment that our people need murder for us to be able to talk about what's really happening.
	We need a build-back better plan right now.
	We knocked on doors for you to get you elected.
	And just how we got you elected, we can get you out of office.
	You didn't knock on doors to get her elected.
	That's clearly a lie.
	Boy, there's a lot of lying in this episode.
	And that's the kind of thing that is written for them by some probably lesbian Jewish lawyer DNC chick.
	To get you elected, and just how we got you elected, we can get you out of office if you don't support what you promised us.
	We need septability citizenship for step ability.
	We need the right name.
	I was brought here to the United States when I was three years old.
	And in 2010, my grandparents both got deported because of a speech in 70.
	And I'm here because I desperately believe that we need this pathway to citizenship.
	My grandfather passed away two weeks ago, and I was not able to go to Mexico to go.
	Now they're illegally in the bathroom.
	There's a guy walking in the woman's bathroom.
	These people aren't great at borders, are they?
	Boundaries.
	There's millions of undocumented people just like me who share the same story.
	Wait, go back, go back.
	I think she's filming, but then she leaves the camera and she has an email on her phone that she's just reading.
	My grandfather passed away two weeks ago, and I was not even opportunity to pass it right now.
	Then we need to do it because there's millions of undocumented people just like me who share the same story or even worse things that happened to them because of SB1017.
	Coordinate me a list of their names and information.
	Yes, please.
	And because of anti-immigrant legislation, and this is the opportunity to pass it right now, and we need to hold you accountable to what you told us, what you promised us that you were going to pass when we knocked on doors for you.
	It's not right.
	Oh, thanks, but it sounds like that's some fucking commie, gobbledy goof.
	It's fire of human trafficking, and it's because of the lack of worker protections that we don't have in the gig economy.
	I need you to stand by workers.
	Lots of people who are like me who became homeless and they...
	Just punch them in the face.
	We need to bring back face punching.
	In the 80s, no one behaved like this.
	Imagine?
	Yeah, no.
	You'd get in a fight if someone didn't pick up their dog shit.
	The second someone did something shitty, like butted in line, the butt boys would be there to punch you in the face.
	I got punched in the face a million times.
	It's just what happened.
	My dad got hospitalized once with just eyes.
	He was looking at someone and they were looking at him and then they started going.
	Not one word was exchanged.
	Exactly like the way gays pick up people.
	Then he went outside.
	It was ice in Canada.
	It was the Ottawa pub.
	I used to work there.
	Fuck, I forgot the name of it.
	On Bank Street.
	And the guy walked out in front of my dad, took two steps, and just as my dad was exiting, he just went, nailed him in the face.
	My dad didn't see it coming, flew back, his nose shattered.
	Flew back, smashed his head on the ice, had to go to the hospital and reset his nose.
	Sounds like he took a spill like Humpty Dumpty on the big wall with the Ecclesiastes Epheliastals.
	Wow, you're well educated, Dennis.
	Yeah, I know a thing or two about Greek history and stuff like that, babe.
	And you're from Chicago, I did it?
	I think so, actually.
	Babe.
	All right.
	I was good friends with his brother Jimmy Miller until he discovered I was right-wing, and then he dumped me.
	Not after, sorry, not before setting up a lunch date with the founder of Vox.
	Weird.
	And we're both sitting at La Cirque going, what are we doing here?
	And then I told him I would pay him $1,000.
	I should have said $10, $1,000 to read an Ann Coulter book cover to cover.
	Because he said she's an evil cunt and the worst thing about America.
	I go, read one of her books, please.
	I'll pay you $1,000.
	Of course, he didn't take me up on it.
	And then he called Jimmy and goes, why are you setting me up on a fucking lunch date with Gavin McInnes?
	He's a fascist.
	And Jimmy Miller goes, I had no idea.
	We just joke around.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailback.
	Let me touch it.
	By the way, I should make it clear that Jimmy Miller is a major comedy guy.
	He's sort of the Jeff Bezos of comedy.
	And he liked my YouTube channel, which was all just jokes back then, Sophie Can Walk and other various sketches.
	So he thought I was going to be the next big thing in comedy.
	But then my politics shattered my entertainment career.
	And then he stormed out like the gladiators from the Coliseum.
	I used to joke that he looks like Dennis Miller.
	And I go, you look like a bald Dennis Miller.
	I didn't know that that was his brother.
	Wow.
	Okay.
	You ready?
	I didn't have a chance to go through these, I'm afraid.
	We have a Sopranos drop.
	Oh.
	That mailbag background is too hideous to look at.
	Please get it out of here.
	Okay.
	Sorry, Chris.
	We tried.
	Who is that?
	Chris Hines?
	Yeah, Chris, you suck.
	All right, let's see the Sopranos drop.
	I'd like to drop young Tony's Soprano.
	I would end him.
	I probably wouldn't.
	That's not the case.
	Because I like him.
	You are speaking shit to me.
	My bad.
	Oh, let's check out that letter I promised.
	Right?
	What was that now?
	Where was that now?
	Nine felonies.
	No, that's not it.
	In the meantime, we did get a new bird, bald eagle bird.
	Oh, good.
	I can never get enough of this.
	No, it's amazing.
	I explained it to my family this weekend, and they were like, very...
	They thought it was very funny.
	I was like, so everybody's just saying the bird which is the bald eagle, and it means nothing.
	Daddy's coming to you, coming to get him.
	Excuse me?
	I don't know what that means.
	It sounds cool when you say the bird which is the bald eagle.
	I think she's trying to say it again.
	Get cameos, dude.
	Please, I implore baby monsters to waste your money on cameo and get celebrities to say the bird which is the bald eagle.
	I'm going to search for some today.
	Okay, so this guy.
	Who's that guy?
	Who is that guy?
	Hey, fellas.
	Tale of Woe.
	This went to your personal email, so I assume you've seen it, Ryan.
	Tale of Woe, you give good advice, but this may be beyond you.
	I've been married 25 years.
	I'm 48.
	She's a looker, and I fancy her more than ever.
	You know, you know it, but still totally love her.
	We have four kids.
	One still at home with her, age nine.
	One still at home with her?
	What?
	Are you divorced?
	My kids were at home with my wife yesterday.
	So was I. I had a huge urge to move back to God's own country, Northumberland, aging parents and other reasons.
	I realized that I shouldn't have moved being one, meaning he shouldn't have moved out of there.
	His parents, I don't know where Northumberland is, but it's a beautiful rural area, I assume.
	I had a vision that we would all be together again, but a year and a half later and she's not moved.
	What?
	You moved away from your wife.
	A nine-year-old, if there's an age where you need a dad, it's nine.
	12, 13, like half the things I invite my 13-year-old son to, he goes, what?
	No.
	He's going out with his friends.
	My 15-year-old, I don't even suggest anything to her.
	It would be like, hey, you want to eat raw shit off the sidewalk with me?
	Like, she's got, she couldn't be less interested in hanging out with me.
	But the nine-year-old, we go golfing all the time.
	I mean, we're best pals.
	The driving range, he's sitting 100 yards, by the way, at nine.
	I'm pretty impressed.
	I had a vision.
	We would be together.
	I ache for her daily.
	Then go fuck.
	What?
	She says she still loves me, but acts very reserved and shows little emotion.
	All I can do is work towards trying to build a perfect house in the country.
	I'm looking at plots now, but it could take a couple of developments.
	Like, have you not seen your son in a year and a half, you fucking weird.
	Like, this isn't even a deadbeat dad or a shithead.
	This is a lunatic.
	This is a mental patient.
	In fact, I should probably not be mocking him because this is the kind of guy who's going to kill me.
	Meanwhile, instead of coming and helping, she's got a house on the social.
	I don't know what that means.
	She feels she's too old and afraid of the upheaval, fear of being away from her connections.
	Okay, so like I want to move to South Carolina and I will.
	And my family and I are slowly working towards that common goal.
	Just like the guy in Costa Rica calling his wife a pussy for going home.
	Do you not know how families work?
	You make decisions together.
	I was pissed when my wife voted for Hillary, and that was just a stupid ballot.
	You act as a unit.
	You don't go leave and look at plots for a year and a half.
	I'm living in a motorhome to save money so I can build her dream house.
	I have no idea if she'll come.
	And she says she won't.
	What?
	And I've been writing some songs for her.
	Oh, good.
	We've got Caravan, The Honeyman, Love in the Time of Corona.
	Some great songs.
	Isn't that fun?
	What?
	So then I go, I go, no, moron.
	You don't leave your wife and kid to, quote, build a better life.
	That's called divorce.
	You make a mutual decision, I put in all caps, and you move together.
	I go, you failed.
	Move back and get her back.
	Get back with your young son.
	And then I added, I guess I had lost my temper.
	I'm not proud of this.
	It's not who I am.
	It does not represent this network.
	But I added, wake up, faggot.
	My husband left me, but the good news is he's living in a motorhome and writing songs.
	Why would she bring her nine-year-old to that?
	Oh, he's British.
	Northumberland is in Britain.
	It's just a British mental patient.
	You're a failure, my friend.
	And then he goes, sorry, you're wrong, faggot.
	You misdiagnosed the situation.
	I wasn't so much asking for advice as a bit of commiseration.
	You don't deserve commiseration.
	Or just laying out the situation as it's relevant to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	You do give good advice, but your quick-fire solutions don't work here unless you're prepared to listen deeper.
	Picture this.
	You live in a bad neighborhood in a city, not perilous.
	Your children's lives are not in danger, but it's depressing and bleak.
	Okay, so you work to get the family out.
	Your wife has some familiar friends, most of whom are fairly bad influences.
	Your children have a fairly bleak future if they stay.
	You see a brighter future in the country.
	Yeah, yeah, I get all that, but you have to, I mean, I'm wasting your time explaining this.
	You know what I'm saying.
	So he says, would you rather stay in a nightmarish urban environment and live under your wife's thumb?
	You're not living under her thumb if she disagrees with you.
	I let her make that decision for the family.
	You would know you're giving in to her.
	Or move to a new location.
	The 15-year-old prospers amazingly well.
	You rebuild connections with your family, encourage them all to move back together.
	Now, you've already failed when you moved.
	This one has a sadness warning.
	Would you come and live with me?
	What has happened to the Western men?
	Unity?
	What do you know about unity?
	What'd you leave him?
	What do you do?
	For fuck's sake, shut him off.
	I mean, take her on vacation there every summer or something?
	And then say then you could pitch moving there?
	Jesus, I think she's doing the right thing.
	You know what we just did right there?
	What?
	A deep dive.
	The deep, deep dive!
	Wow, she's a good swimmer, huh?
	A little fish.
	P.S., I don't know why I'm bothering to explain myself to you, butt munch.
	I know what I'm doing, so fuck you and your faggoty advice.
	And fuck your wanky taste in music while we're at it.
	It's the audio equivalent of masturbation.
	At least that doesn't hurt any children, us disagreeing on music.
	Your bad decisions hurt children.
	How bad could the city be?
	It could be like a Muslim shithole like Birmingham or Luton.
	But then a woman wouldn't want to stay in Birmingham or Luton.
	It's rape juice.
	This is from Chris.
	I know a common gavinism is that women ruin everything.
	I happen to agree except for sex.
	I started to think about how rabid people are today about politics.
	I bet this is just some guy rambling on to me.
	PPS, your whole fucking censored operation sucks the queen's dick.
	This might be the same guy.
	It's from some weird address.
	You and Ryan should play Russian roulette live on air, you fucking cunts.
	So it's possible that this person has realized how stupid they are and how, no, not stupid, mentally ill.
	Ryan's new face thing is the funniest fucking shit.
	Okay.
	You remind me of my granddad.
	Hello, butt boys, long-time supporter from South Carolina.
	Hoping to see you guys here soon.
	Anyways, I was raised by my grandparents.
	That's great for your grandparents that they did that.
	But doesn't that always break your heart?
	Oh, no, you were raised by your grandparents.
	Not really, but a large part of it, yes.
	My great-grandparents and my grandparents.
	But our mom was around.
	No, she wasn't.
	She was cutting hair at the World Trade Center.
	Yeah, that's not around.
	Well, no, I mean...
	She was, what, two hours away?
	Then she wasn't working there, too.
	I remember her being home way more than working.
	Okay.
	Which isn't, you know.
	That's not great either.
	So she was mooching off her parents.
	Well, no.
	And bringing her little Japanese love baby around.
	My stepdad.
	Hey, mom, I fucked a nip.
	Can you raise it?
	That's not how it was.
	That's false.
	Yes, it was.
	It's not.
	What part is not true?
	I was at her...
	I was being raised by her the majority of the time.
	And then when she would go off to work or something, then I would stay with my great-grandparents right across the way.
	This is in the Bronx.
	In the Co-op City, yeah.
	So they had two buildings.
	Okay, but when did you leave Co-op City?
	Fourth grade.
	Okay, so you're nine.
	And I'm living with my mom at that time.
	But then...
	At my grandparents' house.
	So that's you and your mom are staying at her parents' house.
	Yeah, because they had broke up, and then Mark had the apartment, and he, like, did the thing.
	And then also, our cousin moved into the apartment, so like, you could have the apartment, and then she'll move up here.
	We'll get Ryan upstate, too.
	It sounds almost as bad as that writer, that guy who wrote in.
	I don't think so.
	I mean, the dad is always.
	And then at 14, she's like, I want to go back to the city.
	Do you want to come?
	And you go, no.
	And she goes, bye.
	No, she wanted to move to, she got her own place in Lake Carmel, not too far away.
	And I didn't want to go.
	It was like my junior year of school.
	So I'm like, I'm not going to move my mom.
	All my life is here.
	Well, she fucked up.
	I hope you don't repeat her pattern with your kids.
	It's very simple, folks.
	Stick by your kids till they're 18.
	That's all.
	You don't have to be the most wonderful parent in the world.
	You don't have to follow them everywhere.
	You don't have to make them a dollhouse.
	You don't have to make your daughter a dollhouse.
	You don't have to make your son a go-kart.
	That would be cool if you did.
	But no one does anymore.
	And moms have to be loving and affectionate.
	All dads have to do is discipline, make sure they don't disrespect mom.
	You're like a corrections officer.
	You enforce the rules.
	Wait till your father gets home.
	You're the cop.
	You get a lot less affection because you're the guy taking their phones away.
	But that's the deal.
	But it's not that hard.
	Anyways, I was raised by my grandparents.
	I miss them very much.
	But watching your show makes me feel like hanging out with my granddad because you guys look similar and have a lot of the same views.
	He was a Korean War and Nom vet.
	I'm a Vietnam War movie vet.
	An all-around great guy and badass from the mountains of Kentucky.
	Taught me how to be a man.
	Lost him to cancer when I was 17.
	With you around, I feel like he's just away.
	Thanks for all the company and laughs.
	Hit me up when you get to SC.
	He seems fucking awesome, doesn't he?
	Yep.
	A country boy can survive.
	The bird, which is the bald eagle.
	Yeah, birds are bald eagles.
	They're bald.
	You didn't know that?
	Actually, they're not.
	Are bald eagles bald?
	They're not.
	No, they have.
	Turkey vultures are bald, but they got just white hair.
	Right?
	Yes.
	Let me look up a bald eagle.
	Look it up.
	Let's look it up.
	They got white feathers on their heads.
	Well, I put in the balf eagle.
	Actually, they've got a pretty thick head of hair.
	I think every senior citizen, every male senior would love to have that kind of hair.
	Right?
	They look like my friend GPS.
	Couldn't be less bald.
	In fact, they're one of the hairiest, featheriest birds I've ever seen.
	The hair, which is the hair.
	He looks like a fucking werewolf, really, if you do the mass.
	yeah, it does.
	He's got as much hair as a werewolf.
	And werewolves are known as the hairiest monster there is.
	He's got Kiefer Sutherland and Lost Boys hair.
	Yeah.
	He's got a fucking mullet.
	That's why people have mullets and it's so patriotic.
	Oh.
	They're being the bird which is the bald eagle.
	Dude, that's a mullet.
	That's a hairy bird.
	And that's probably one of the hairiest fucking birds I've ever seen, actually.
	Oh, you must have got that from the show, Get Off My Lawn, eight seconds ago.
	You said they're the hairiest birds ever?
	Yes, dude.
	Okay.
	Tune into the show you're on.
	I was coming up with an awesome quip like they're the hairiest bird I've ever seen.
	No that they have mohawks.
	I formally request you change censored live nights to Friday, you fucking mick cunt.
	The goddamn working man cannot stay up and call into your faggy show on a work night.
	Okay, I'll just give up my weekends to amuse you.
	Why don't you watch it on Fridays?
	Okay, how's that?
	A quepe.
	A quepe.
	And what job do you have where you can't be awake at 10?
	We take our first calls at 10.
	Dear Gavin, Ryan, and Maddie, the left is beyond eager to slam white people for coming to America and spreading diseases to the native population.
	And by the way, that wasn't us.
	Well, I guess it was white people, but Christopher Columbus came to the Caribbean in the 1600s.
	That was inevitable.
	White people are going to cross the ocean at some point.
	And also, inevitably, they're going to have a different immune system.
	And the diseases that they have, that they can handle, that they can even harbor, have, are not going to be compatible with the indigenous people.
	They got them sick.
	Then they had a black plague.
	Remember, we had a bubonic plague, too.
	Everyone gets a plague.
	We had ours earlier.
	They got theirs from us, an inevitable travel.
	And it went up the Caribbean, up Central America, up the west coast of North America, and then went east.
	And I believe it killed 80% of American Indians.
	The pilgrims and all that, that was fine.
	They didn't get any diseases there.
	And don't tell me about that stupid smallpox story.
	That was a theory a military officer had, and his superior said, no, let's not do that.
	I don't want to start fucking around with smallpox.
	We'll end up getting it.
	Good point.
	Yet, if you dare mention that COVID came from China, you will be condemned as a racist and potentially banned.
	Hypocrisy?
	I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.
	Well, there's no thoughts to have.
	You're in my trunk.
	I doubt it.
	These people.
	Thank you.
	Bad connection?
	Probably.
	What did you?
	The bird, which is a bald ego.
	A bald eagle?
	Yeah, I do know that bird.
	Wow, you're smart.
	You've heard of a bird of America?
	You're a real fucking...
	What do they call them?
	Autobonist?
	What do they call a bird expert?
	Does that have something to do with Avy?
	Like an avionicist?
	They're called...
	It's called the birdologist, babe.
	What do you call...
	The bird?
	What do you call a birder?
	Oh, fuck.
	I know there's people watching the show right now going, it's a fucking autobonist, you moron!
	This isn't making for very good television.
	Zoologist ornithologist.
	Oh, that's it.
	Yes.
	Ornithologist.
	Because they're so ornate.
	What does ornate mean?
	It means, you know, like decorative, decorative, like a lot of decorations.
	Decor.
	Shut up.
	Decoy.
	Yes, it does mean that.
	Yes.
	Someone just sent in this, and they've sent it about 80 times.
	So I guess I'm rewarding bad behavior by finally getting to this, and stop sending me shit several times.
	Okay.
	That's kind of why I played Tom McDonald because I didn't want it sent to me a million times.
	I just reported my former best friend to the FBI.
	I grew up with her.
	We did everything together.
	She was such a beautiful, kind-hearted, free spirit.
	Then she got married to a conservative guy.
	Oh, I sent this to my wife.
	And they moved to the Bible Belt.
	She became an evangelical Christian, so, and we drifted apart because we became two different.
	I still have her on my Facebook friends list, and it hurt to see her turn into an anti-vaxxer, anti-masker, and hardcore Trump supporter.
	Like, all of those are opinions.
	Anti-vax is an opinion.
	I can send you plenty of doctors who are anti-vax.
	So experts in the field are against it too, you know.
	And look at all these nurses getting fired.
	All these medical people getting fired for not taking it.
	Why aren't they taking it?
	I'd understand if it was something really out there like pedophilia.
	But it's a theory that has a lot of smart people backing it.
	All of those, anti-vax, anti-Mask, and Trump supporter, all of those have plenty of intellectuals within their camps.
	She constantly spews hate on Facebook.
	I don't believe you.
	She's a homophobic person who, like many evangelical Christians, also looks down on working women because women belong in the kitchen.
	I don't know who she is anymore.
	I bet you this stuff isn't homophobic.
	I bet it's like, why do they got to have in our classrooms talking about bi and polyamorous and show them the rainbow flag all the time?
	They're just kids.
	I bet that's what it is.
	It's not like faggots are going to hail.
	The other day, she posted a cruel diatribe against President Biden.
	This is a woman, by the way, who has probably advocated for the assassination of Trump.
	In the comments section, she, her husband, and their Trump friends said things like, if Biden keeps this up, we'll have another January 6th event.
	And it'll be real this time.
	We're ready.
	I took That as a threat against the president, the Congress, and other government officials.
	This time it'll be real.
	It's pretty telling.
	They're implying that more people, important people, will get hurt this time.
	So I reported them to the FBI.
	I feel bad for doing that.
	I miss my friend, but she's not that person anymore.
	You know who's not that person anymore?
	You.
	You become a cunt.
	All right, that's it for the letters, I'm afraid.
	There's so many more bald eagles.
	Okay.
	The bird which is the bald eagle.
	Okay.
	Yeah, fix your tits, stupid.
	Gotta fix my tits after that one.
	What do you rod any danger tits?
	But you're not sneaking out the bird which is the body.
	The bird which is the body cult.
	Yeah.
	It's just.
	Alright.
	The bird which is...
	The ball ego.
	What?
	It feels like we have a cult or something.
	The bird which is the ball of the ego.
	I don't know what that means.
	Oh, yes, you do.
	What is this?
	Zoomers get on live streams and they just stare at their phone and then people say things and then they repeat it?
	Yeah, Zoomers and whatever this is.
	I don't understand it.
	Like I get Kyle Dungan, he has time for a yo.
	And they do a show and they make jokes and stuff and people can watch the show and then laugh.
	But just you sitting in your car, I don't understand.
	Yeah, I don't know what it is.
	I'm a boomer, I guess.
	I know what causes people to stream.
	I stream sometimes, sure.
	Yeah, your streams are terrible.
	They're great.
	And you noodling away on guitar and seven people watching.
	I have a new song.
	But at least that is like playing a song or music.
	Thank you.
	I have a new song.
	You want to hear a little bit of it?
	Wait.
	Watch this.
	It sucks.
	Okay, go ahead.
	It's not going to suck.
	It's going to suck.
	Boeing.
	You're Boing.
	That's not true.
	It's Boeing.
	That's not true.
	You're Boeing.
	You're not eating the truth.
	That's Boeing.
	Stormy.
	Amy Heathers as Julia.
	And Heathcliff as Mr. Cliff.
	As himself.
	With the James on TMZ.
	A terrible fucking production.
	Yep.
	Well, I wouldn't say such things.
	The music wasn't terrible.
	You know how I talk about the sprinkles in comedy and some people don't have it?
	You don't have the musical sprinkles.
	Stop.
	When you get home tonight, I think you'd be doing everyone a favor if you smashed your guitar like Pete Townsend and threw it into the garbage.
	I don't want to.
	Stop your dreams.
	Your dreams are boring.
	They rule.
	I'm hereby officially taking away your dreams, your hobby, your passion.
	Throw it in the trash.
	They're uncrushable dreams.
	Crush them.
	These dreams are crushed.
	Well, you don't have to crush them.
	They're already dead.
	I'm just saying acknowledge.
	Stop humping this dead body.
	You're a necrophiliac.
	Sounds like you're from the necropolis of the necronomicon there, Octavirada Nektu.
	That's a talent.
	That's funny.
	That has potential.
	Music's way better.
	The music is...
	I mean, that was an introduction to a shitty, cheap sitcom in 1989.
	We all remember those themes.
	We all love those themes.
	No, like, Andrew WK does such a better job of that kind of sound.
	Andrew Diceclay, though.
	Andrew Diceclay sucks.
	Okay, well.
	All right, let's do the final video.
	In Saudi Arabia, women are not allowed to drive.
	This is a good rule that we should think about importing here.
	I don't like seeing hot chicks on the street.
	It gets me horny, and then I feel bad.
	Sometimes I'll see a woman in New York City that's so beautiful, she ruins my day.
	That's why we call hot chicks day ruiners.
	I would like to see women in burqas.
	They should be covered up.
	If I was talking to a hot woman and she was wearing a burqa, I could be totally relaxed and talk to her like a human being.
	There'd be zero sexual thoughts in my head.
	What I'm saying is we need to start incorporating Sharia law into Western society.
	We need how, like, I don't feel great about assassinating gays, but some of them kind of should be thrown off a building, don't you think?
	Depending on their behavior, sure.
	The Taliban will not let women lead.
	In fact, when you bring that up, they start giggling and they cancel the interview.
	Sounding pretty good so far.
	Chillo, you've got a base.
	Chillo, you've got a religious society.
	That's what I'm talking about.
	So I am a radical Muslim starting right now.
	So look at this.
	She's a beast.
	I'd love to fuck her.
	How did you hit my car?
	You did that to the front of my fucking car.
	Oh, yeah?
	What's funny?
	That's my new fucking car.
	Usually when you rear in people, that's not how this works.
	It's okay that I'm...
	She's 17?
	Yeah, you're saying that I hit you from behind?
	No, you hit me in the front of it.
	Remember when I was trying to red light?
	You went in front of me and hit my car.
	Oh, yeah?
	Okay.
	That's great.
	That's cool.
	Probably move the car from thing and I'll call the cops for you.
	Shut up, Janet.
	That's why you white people get all this fucking privilege with this nice ass car!
	How do you know?
	Bitch!
	So, that's my new fucking car!
	Look this.
	You are here, and she can't shoot.
	You see?
	Do you have where it went in or where she drove?
	She showed you more.
	Look, you were here and she can't look.
	You see?
	Wow.
	And look at his fucking car.
	He's not pissed.
	His car looks like an $80,000 car.
	It's a Lambo.
	Is it?
	Right?
	Is that not a Lambo?
	I don't know.
	What does that say?
	Zoom it.
	Zoom it.
	Let's do a little zoom.
	Enhance.
	Enhance.
	Yeah.
	In pants, in pants.
	Bugatti?
	No, Lamborghini.
	Yeah, you're right.
	Jesus H. And he's just like laughing it off like, well, he's definitely pissed.
	Yeah, those are not cheap to repair.
	It's almost like when you're so pissed, you laugh.
	Yeah, that's what he's doing.
	Of course, his insurance is going to cover it.
	But you see what I'm saying with Sharia law?
	I think it's time to incorporate it into our own culture, folks.
	We have drifted a little too far from traditionalism.
	I'm guilty of starting that, too, with vice and the hipsters.
	I helped Pilas away from traditionalism.
	I didn't want kids when I met my girlfriend who became my wife.
	And then I had kids and I went, what the fuck was I doing?
	Turn back the clock.
	It's too late.
	I can only make three.
	One is for losers.
	Two is for fags.
	Three is a bare minimum.
	I made the bare minimum number of kids.
	I'm 51 years old.
	I have a nine-year-old.
	What the fuck have I done?
	Don't make the same mistakes I did.
	Don't laugh at traditionalism.
	Don't laugh at Christianity.
	Don't laugh at fatherhood.
	I know you think you got a better plan.
	No borders, no walls, no USA at all.
	Rent is theft.
	Water is life.
	Water.
	That's on those stupid signs that say, in this house, we believe.
	The last one is water is life.
	I think they think water should be free.
	Who pays for it?
	You can drink out of a river if you want, but to get it diarrhea free to your tap, that's not easy.
	So let's not scoff at Western civilization.
	Tomorrow I'm going to talk about the incredible developments we've made.
	And Heather McDonald focuses a lot about that in that diversity book, about how we scoff at Mozart and Shakespeare and Nietzsche and Kierkegaard and all of these Western intellectuals who helped shape society.
	Like you have to understand, we came up from Africa, we went to Northern Europe, we survived the Siberian winters.
	The weak died.
	The people, more importantly, the people who can't figure out systems, they died.
	By the time we made it over to North America, we were a very astute group who could figure out systems.
	And that's what society is.
	It's a series of systems.
	Western man is the king of systems.
	And we developed this incredible society all over Europe, North America, even parts of South America, Australia.
	And we've been taught that that was all theft and we cheated and that's a fucking lie.
	Look around you.
	I don't care where you are right now.
	Outside of anyone who's watching this in a hole, what you're watching it on was created by Western man.
	We invented the modern world.
	Shame is not a proper response for that.
	Pride is.
	That's why we're Western chauvinists.
	And the biggest mistake I made was not recognizing that earlier in my life.
	Don't make the same mistakes as me.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	America.
	Does anybody know what the hell happened to the Patriots?
	Lately, this nation is so ashamed and hating itself.
	Did everyone forget that people thought they were waiting for us?
	United States give everything to you just to help.
	I just want to celebrate the bird, which is the bald eagle.
	I don't care.
	I can't.
	I don't need your pronouns.
	All I see is men and making bills for fun.
	People can't afford prescriptions.
	If you don't like it, go hate it.
	Oh, you radicals.
	Squid in status mode.
	When the end of Neil for the end of the world, and I think I know why.
	In a matter of time,

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