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Sept. 24, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:04:08

GOML LIVE #116 - REIDTARD WORLD

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.
	How do you say Germany in German?
	Deutschland.
	Deutschland, of course.
	Deutschland.
	German band there, kind of a weirdly ironic band sent in from a bit by a baby monster.
	It's they're called like ready to die or something.
	HG Ichtet T. I don't know.
	When you sound that out, it sounds like I'm ready to die.
	And that guy is a German politician who is still active today, but he was famous for sentencing the Nazis.
	Getting the Nazi bad guys.
	Germany could probably move on from that around now.
	Yes, you were bad.
	All's forgiven.
	Let's move on.
	Welcome back to the show.
	This is the Thursday live show starring my co-host, Ryan Katsu Rivera.
	Do you still feel ill from our trip?
	I never really felt ill.
	I just had a cough, but I feel great.
	I felt great the whole time.
	Okay.
	I fought many men today.
	And they didn't hold back, and I don't like that.
	It was like bar fights.
	Did you win?
	No.
	It was sparring, but they were punching me really hard in the head.
	When was your fight with the Jewish guy?
	October 14th.
	Okay.
	Don't call him the Jewish guy.
	That's how you...
	I only know it from you.
	That's how you told me about it.
	He's a Sagittarius.
	Okay.
	That's Sagittarius.
	Good thing his Venus will be rising then.
	On the 14th?
	Yeah.
	The 14th?
	Are you sure?
	Because Pluto is in...
	Cruses over waxes over the Neptune.
	How could Pluto be where it is that close to the sun and also have Venus rising?
	Because I think he's a Taurus moon.
	You mentioned he's a Taurus moon.
	Taurus moon.
	We had a barmaid like that for a while, Liz, and I would say dumb shit like that, and she'd go, you let on that you don't know anything about astrology, but you know some shit.
	You would just make shit up.
	Oh, make up.
	I don't know anything about that dumb made up fucking.
	It makes Scientology look like physics.
	Fucking.
	So yeah, welcome to the show.
	Ryan, did you show your ugly face?
	Yes, I did.
	Yeah, and I straightened my...
	My wife helped me straighten my hair in the back.
	Why'd you do that?
	I don't know.
	I just wanted to see what it looked like to have like a Joe Dirt.
	So you straightened the back of your hair, but you left the front of your hair curly.
	Right.
	And what's your favorite thing about Billy Bologna behind you?
	What's my favorite thing about him?
	Yeah.
	Oh, that he's just the greatest.
	I mean, I think Mr. Rogers said it best when he said, There's no person in the whole world like Billy Bologna.
	You don't know who Billy Bologna is.
	He's the puppet, which is the friend of Pete Herman.
	Which is the bald eagle.
	This is a shirt my wife got me in Madison, Wisconsin.
	She was thrifting, and then I bought this.
	This is starting up.
	I'm starting my new look.
	Not for the show.
	The show will still wear suits.
	But my new look is working-class LARP.
	That's good.
	Like I was at the pub the other day, and some of the guys from my gym came by, and I had on like Carhartt's.
	I had a chainsaw sweatshirt for, what's it called?
	That's chainsaw company farts.
	What are they called?
	DeWalt?
	Yeah.
	I had a DeWalt sweatshirt on.
	And then I had a Gucci belt.
	And he's like, you're trying to fucking look all tough, all working class, and you go and you always fuck it up with like a Gucci belt.
	And I'm like, Ryan, his name's also Ryan, it's not a fuck up, dude.
	This is my look.
	Right.
	Carhart overalls with a Gucci wallet.
	Yeah, and the guy saved up to get the Gucci wallet.
	Like, He fancies himself a Gucci man.
	He buys one item.
	Yeah, I like Jamaican white trash.
	Like, they'll have white trash, black trash.
	They'll have a house in cinder blocks, and then they'll have a Range Rover in the driveway.
	I like that kind of opulence.
	Yep.
	I'm not into Italian opulence with the column.
	Anyway, sorry.
	Lots of different tangents.
	We still haven't started the show.
	We'd like to thank our sponsor, Tactical Walls.
	Why spend money on guns when they just sit in a closet somewhere?
	I understand if you're in New York, everything has to be in a safe locked up.
	I got you.
	But if you don't have to have them in a safe, have them on a mod wall.
	Ryan here lives in a gun-free zone called New York City, and his desk, what can he fit on his tactical wall?
	He's got a Billy Bologna.
	He's got a Peebee Herman.
	He's got fake shit, literally.
	He's got a mug I bought in Paris in Pigal of a penis going into a butthole.
	He's got a statue my wife got me that says, please be a fart.
	And then, of course, my neighbor's friendly signs.
	That's all we can put up here.
	If you are lucky enough to live in a place where you can own guns, then you should proudly display them.
	They're not cheap.
	They're expensive.
	They should be easy to grab.
	And look how beautiful they are.
	You know what you do when you put your guns on a mod wall?
	You're really starting your own museum.
	And it's truly a testament to the incredible design of the gun industry.
	You know what I just realized right now?
	I don't think I've ever seen an ugly gun.
	No.
	I've never seen a gun.
	I have guns that I would prefer to have and guns that I wouldn't be dying to have.
	I've never seen one gun ever in my life where I went, eh, gross.
	I mean, 99% of cars make me puke.
	Car 98s, the sniper rifles?
	I don't know what that is.
	It's a weapon.
	It's a weapon.
	It's a weapon.
	But they all look beautiful.
	So when you have a work of art that fantastic in your home, display it with pride at tacticalwalls.com.
	Promo code Gavin15.
	And don't worry, they're very generous with their promo code.
	So if you fuck it up and you have lowercase and it's just Gavin, you'll still get, what is it, 15% off?
	20% off?
	15.
	I'm guessing that's 15% off.
	Yeah, it's 15% off.
	See, that's the problem with the copy guy.
	I don't read his copy that he writes for us because he's not a writer.
	See, sales guys are great at sales, but they tend not to be great at other stuff.
	And then they often write copy, and it's pathetic.
	Actually, just bring me that over.
	Let me tell you what ad sales guys.
	And by the way, I never disparage ad sales guy.
	Shane advice made me a multi-millionaire.
	My buddy at Rooster, when I had the ad agency, I hate sales.
	I hate doing it because I hate no.
	When people say no to me, I get pissed off.
	I want to just go, fuck you.
	Same with like when I have my kids, like if my kids apply to something and they don't get in, I want to beat everyone up.
	So I'm not good at sales.
	But here's what the sales guy wrote.
	Your toots, your booze and reefer, what?
	Tactical walls, tactical walls, way better than Joe Biden's not-so-tactical balls.
	So these walls are better than the president's testicles, which no one who watches the show likes Joe Biden's balls.
	So that's weird.
	The tactical wall is made to hide your guns.
	No, some of the things on the site are good for hiding guns, but others are just displaying them in a very proud way.
	Your toots, booze, and reefer and all other fun.
	This is, no.
	Tactical walls are not for hiding cocaine.
	What is this guy talking about?
	Tactical walls are made by Tactical Tim.
	Yes, Tactical Tim, good friend of mine, had him on the show here, hung out with him for 13 hours in a row.
	Wonderful guy.
	An American hero.
	That's why we love him.
	Tactical walls are 100% worth having.
	Oh, no.
	It's 20% off, Ryan.
	Oh, dang.
	20% off.
	But the promo code is Gavin 15.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	I ain't going to judge.
	I ain't going to judge.
	So as you know, the way this show works is we read letters.
	What are you doing there?
	You're presenting the tactical wall?
	Yep.
	Okay.
	We read letters for the first hour, and then we take calls for the second hour.
	It's a way to communicate with you people.
	It's also free for the first half hour, and it's released as a podcast.
	I used to just do the podcast where I'd say one sentence and then make the whole podcast about that.
	But I don't do that anymore.
	Oh, right.
	Even pay the bills.
	Yeah.
	There's too much generosity with a lot of content these days.
	Although I did, I will be giving out free content on Getter.
	Get on Getter.
	I'm trying it now.
	So it is alleged.
	G-E-T-T-R.
	It is allegedly a band-free Twitter.
	Now, I'm scrolling through it now.
	I'm following Dinesh D'Souza, who posts way too much.
	The Epoch Times, Jack Pesobic.
	Both those guys post too much.
	In fact, this entire time I've been talking, there's been Dinesh D'Souza and Jack Pesobic again and again.
	Carfe Donctum is on there.
	Look how well you blend into the screen here.
	Yeah.
	Look how cohesive.
	Okay.
	Yeah, so it's allegedly the new Twitter.
	So let's get all the baby monsters on this.
	G-E-T-T-R.
	Also, baby monsters, let's torment Amy Siskin more.
	She's fun to annoy.
	What did Tucker Carlson describe her as?
	A finance fiend who now tweets for a living.
	Because I was looking at her Twitter the other day, and I can't comment on anything because I'm not on Twitter.
	I'm banned.
	But I'd love it if you guys would just go there and be a thorn in her side.
	She's tormented me and my family, and I'd appreciate some revenge.
	Pull her up.
	Amy Siskind on Twitter.
	A truly vile cunt of a woman who is the Pied Piper of Bored Housewives.
	And what she does is she torments local conservatives.
	She's who's this now?
	Someone calling me?
	She, her.
	She, her.
	If your pronouns are normal, do you have to, should you bother announcing them?
	Like, when it comes to referring to me, you can just do what you probably were going to do anyway and just do she, her.
	Isn't that redundant?
	It's more important if you are a regular cisgender.
	Because then you're showing your plate.
	Why don't you just put in your bio, no allergies?
	If anyone's making me anything to eat, I have no, don't worry about it.
	So I'll be part of a Zoom event on September 22nd.
	What's the date today?
	Oh, shoot, that was yesterday.
	First day of fall yesterday.
	Farts.
	Keep going down.
	And it's stupid.
	Don't just do, you know, nothing wrong with that.
	That's funny for mob and chiz and stuff.
	But it's more intelligent to contradict her and show the flaws with her plan.
	So go back up here.
	Is it me, New Yorkers?
	Is it me, New Yorkers?
	Or do things seem so much more calm since Hocho became governor?
	Just quiet competence.
	It's nice.
	And for that one, you could say, like, yeah, she's definitely not killed as many senior citizens.
	That's a fun one.
	Or I don't recall you complaining about Cuomo when he murdered old people.
	That's a fun one.
	Now, let's go to number two here.
	Recognize this man.
	Where is mail?
	Proud boys photo symbolizes heated debate over DEI SO.
	So she's trying to dox a guy.
	Click on this, though.
	What's this story?
	She's obsessed with Proud Boys.
	And by the way, why are journalists obsessed with Proud Boys?
	Because they have shitty lives.
	Siskin destroyed her own marriage with infidelity, cheated on her husband with a woman while she was nine months pregnant, I believe.
	And so when Proud Boys represent family and put a ring on it and make babies, if you have fucked one of those up, then it makes you feel bad.
	So if you discredit the club, well, then now I don't feel so bad.
	If the critics say your album sucks and you discover, you work on pointing out that this critic is a pedophile, well now who cares that they hate your album?
	It's actually a good thing.
	So so much of Proud Boys criticism is based on people with their own shitty families.
	Anyway, Proud Boy's photo symbolizes heated debate over DISOS.
	I don't understand this.
	Do you?
	Let's see the first paragraph.
	Westchester, social media posting about Proud Boys in Briarcliff on August 5th and a photo of Mystery Man in a Gray suit.
	Who is this unmasked man?
	The above photo has been circulating on social media since an August 5th protest held in Briarcliffe Manor for NY, a New York State GOP fundraiser attended by former President Trump, including members of the Proud Boys.
	Also intended, were Progressive Democrats.
	So this is back when Trump was playing golf in Westchester.
	And because Amy lives nearby, she was outraged and her and her friends protested it.
	And then there was a place higher up in Briarcliffe Manor, I believe, where he also played golf, which tends to be a little more MAGA.
	And there were Proud Boys there.
	What's the big deal?
	Many Democrats, Progressives, and Indivisible members.
	Indivisible members.
	Yeah, there's this thing called Indivisible Westchester where the people of Westchester fight for equality.
	Now, the irony here is overwhelming because Westchester is alarmingly white, especially the people involved in Indivisible Westchester.
	Indivisible members all send their kids to white schools.
	They practice eugenics, yet they spend their days virtue signaling about diversity and how open they are to it.
	If you were to send one colored person to their kids' school, they would have a motherfucking heart attack.
	If the school boards dare rezoned their areas and made their schools more diverse, they would be packing their bags that afternoon.
	You know, I was thinking about this the other day, how people could live in areas so white and pretend they're so diverse.
	You know what I think it might be?
	Their staff.
	They're like, we have our maid is from Zimbabwe and she lives in the house.
	We consider her family.
	She's one of our, therefore now you have a black family member.
	So we're diverse now.
	And they do this.
	I'm basing this too on their talk of restaurants, right?
	Because they're like, I love diversity.
	You can have Somalian food one night and Mexican the other.
	It's all servants.
	When they talk about diversity, they really are about a diversity of servants.
	Anyway, Amy sums that up.
	So I don't know exactly how you would handle that particular gripe because I'm not sure.
	Oh, here's one you could do for that one.
	You could be like, oh, is this when you were mad that Trump was playing golf?
	Yeah.
	So just go through her tweets because it's 100% of her existence and just contradict her, criticize her.
	Don't torment her.
	Don't do anything lame like you're a fat ugly bitch or anything stupid like that.
	Even Trump was mad when he was playing golf.
	A baby monster sent that into us.
	I didn't even include it in the notes because it's so boring.
	I just love Trump cursing.
	I miss him.
	Yeah, but that's so uneventful.
	Everyone says that about every shitty hole.
	And that hole looks like a nightmare.
	It does look like a nightmare.
	It's nothing but water to the green.
	Do you know when I played golf with Ryan last?
	He got a golf ball stuck in a tree?
	Yeah.
	and it would not come out.
	And then he threw his golf club at the tree, thinking that would dislodge it.
	Yeah.
	I figure it's got to be hanging by a thread.
	Hanging by a thread.
	Another sponsor we want to thank for supporting the show, of course, is Nita Fashions for cheap rich guys.
	They don't want to take that as their motto.
	I think they should.
	And contacting them through Instagram seems to be the most popular with you guys.
	I would contact them on their site.
	But you're not talking to some random person.
	When you contact them through Instagram, you're talking to the owner's son.
	That's my tailor.
	That's the guy who measures me.
	That's the guy who sends me swatches.
	You've noticed I'm usually not wearing Budweiser gear.
	I'm usually dressed incredibly well on this show.
	And that is thanks to Nita Fashions.
	You'll also notice that I'm not uncomfortable and I'm going like this and I feel, I come across as claustrophobic.
	That's because my shirts are tailor-made by Nita Fashions, and they fit like pee-pee jam jams.
	They fit perfectly.
	The pants all feel, it's weird too, because, you know, often when you wear a suit, you come home and you want to change right out of your suit, right?
	You got to put on those stupid fucking basketball shorts that look like you're wearing a kilt with your little shirt on.
	God, I hate the way the American man dresses when he gets home with his fucking Crocs on.
	Blacks are just as bad as American whites.
	I saw a black teenager today wearing shoes that laced up and were tied tight.
	And I was like, what the fuck?
	A person wearing shoes in the South Bronx?
	We have arrived.
	Anyway, when you come home wearing a Nita fashion suit, you don't take it off.
	You're not itching to get in your sweats.
	They are sweats.
	They feel like sweats.
	And ladies, you've got to figure this out.
	The way you take off your shoes at weddings and you're dancing barefoot, you look like an idiot.
	You look like a weird gypsy.
	Stop doing that.
	And guys, we don't have to do that.
	When we get married, when we go to weddings, when we go to funerals in a Nita fashion suit, we are never uncomfortable.
	Go ahead, turn up the heat.
	Make it 100 degrees.
	I don't kiss air.
	So yeah, Nita Fashions, talk to them, mention that you are connecting with them because of the show.
	You get, I don't know what it is, 15% off.
	I forget the percentage.
	I guess I should know that.
	But it's a fantastic place.
	And you go, but Gavin, you're supporting a place.
	It's Indian dudes in Hong Kong.
	Don't you support American business?
	Yes, I do.
	Have you ever had a suit custom-made in America?
	Especially in New York City?
	It's five to seven grand.
	These guys can put something together.
	They can get you a $50 shirt.
	They can get you $1,000 shirt suit, sorry.
	And I'm sorry, but the craftsmanship is amazing.
	The craft of being a tailor in America, it's a dying art form.
	I feel like we're losing it.
	All right.
	So that's our two sponsors for today's show, Tactical Walls, Need of Fashions.
	We'll be getting to letters in a second.
	But before we do, I would like to say that I saw Billy Idol last night.
	You know what's weird?
	The first two songs sucked.
	You know why?
	Because he's old.
	You got to warm up.
	Literally, like your bones.
	The blood's got to get flowing.
	He did, the first song was like, Rock the cradle of love, which I don't like.
	That was when he was a crackhead.
	And then he did Dancing with Myself, which is a very jumpy song.
	You should be going nuts for that.
	And he wasn't.
	He was sort of like, he had those legs.
	Remember Bobby D?
	Bobby De Niro in The Irishman?
	Yeah.
	When he beats the shit out of that guy?
	Could you pull that up?
	And Bobby De Niro was CGI'd to look young.
	And I don't like the way that looks, but it's especially bad in Star Wars.
	It kind of ruined the new Pee Wee Herman.
	They get into that uncanny valley where they just look weird.
	But ew, gross.
	I never liked that shit.
	But anyway, one thing you can't get past is an old man's body.
	We move different.
	Okay?
	And look at the way he beats the shit out of this guy.
	Look at this.
	Look at this.
	There it is.
	There it is.
	Look at those kicks.
	The little girl's more worried about him.
	Yeah, yeah.
	The other guy.
	Hey, De Niro, go beat me up.
	It's funny when he's like, fuck Trump.
	I'd like to punch him in the face.
	Judging by the way you move your body, Mr. De Niro, you can beat me up anytime.
	I will not fight back.
	I hope you're not offended if I bring a magazine and I read some articles.
	I might read some celebrity gossip as you kick the shit out of me.
	Look at that kick.
	That was so...
	Oh my God, that's so bad.
	The little arm.
	Dude, go back to his kicking in the head.
	The acting there with the head going back was pathetic.
	This is a student film.
	Watch his head.
	Oh, you kicked me.
	Oh, you kicked me.
	This is an NYU movie.
	Oh!
	That's what I do when people stand on my hand.
	I go, oh, oh, oh.
	Anyway, I don't want to disparage Saint Billy.
	He's my idol.
	He changed my life forever.
	The song White Wedding altered the trajectory of my life forever.
	But I gotta say, seeming a little stiff, dancing it with myself.
	He did fucking 100 punks, though, from...
	I think this is the exact concert.
	922 Capitol Theater, Port Chester.
	I was there.
	That's handy.
	So he's warmed up now.
	This is like two-thirds of the way in.
	But do you see some De Niro in him?
	This is not the guy who used to hop.
	Dude, I appreciate the footage.
	We're talking about this on the show, so it's very handy.
	But why didn't you just enjoy the show?
	Why were you documenting it for us?
	He's not the only one.
	There's those guys too to the right.
	Where are their videos?
	Oh, everyone was.
	No, it was crazy.
	I've been having bad luck going out with my wife these days where I'm inevitably sitting next to a 10.
	Like we go to some fancy Korean barbecue that's in Koreatown at the top of some high rise.
	Woman right there.
	A fucking half-white flip 10.
	So I have to keep looking away.
	And then the woman sitting next was at this thing.
	Some white-haired 45-year-old was with like a 30-year-old 10.
	Look, he's still got Steve Stevens.
	Nice.
	You were hoping for that.
	I was hoping for that.
	I got what I had paid for.
	I got my Generation X. They did the 100 Punk song.
	We had Steve Stevens.
	Where were you standing at?
	I was in $150 seats in the balcony.
	Okay.
	But comfy.
	And you got a good view.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Everybody masked or vexed or whatever?
	There was barely any masks.
	Well, that rules.
	And I've been training a lot for this fight.
	So it's increasing my testosterone.
	So I'm becoming a real dick to people.
	And this woman goes, I go, where am I seated here?
	She works there.
	She goes, I can't see that.
	I don't have my glasses.
	And I'm like, you can't do your job.
	Yeah, that's your job.
	You're no longer qualified.
	Tell that to your boss.
	Look at his weird face.
	Doesn't he look like a monkey?
	It looks like he's got an old man mask on a little bit.
	He's an old monkey man.
	Man, this guy's right there.
	This guy's in the front row.
	I know, eh?
	Like, this would be zero points.
	If this was on MTV, you'd go, MTV spent some good money.
	Yeah.
	He put on a great show.
	Now I feel terrible.
	Yes, at the beginning, first two songs, he's a little stiff, but Jesus, he must be 65 years old.
	Yeah, what if he sees this and gets hurt?
	Oh, now I feel fucking horrible.
	Wait, he's got a...
	Well, this was a weird scene.
	I remember this.
	What is this?
	I guess he plays a solo to...
	Oh, yeah, that sound.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Oh, that's awesome.
	Dude, that's fucking cool.
	Dude, that fucking rules for some reason.
	Yeah, it was great.
	I can't even tell you why that was.
	Now I hate myself.
	Now I hate myself trying to jock on Billy.
	Fucking the guy's out there, 65 years old, putting on a great show, and I'm like, he could have stretched a little more.
	The 10 next to you just look at him like, fucking, I would do.
	You're not jumping up and down enough.
	Well, I'm traumatized by seeing the Sonics.
	The Sonics were a great band in the 60s, kind of pre-punk, surf rock.
	And I saw them in Brooklyn about 20 years ago when they were 75 years old, and it ruined the Sonics for me.
	So I'm overly cautious of seeing old performers.
	But T was great.
	Anyway, let's go behind the paywall now.
	Say goodbye to the freeloaders.
	Freeloaders out there, censored.tv, more content than you can watch.
	I am actually obsessed with it now.
	I stopped listening to Stern and Sirius, and now I set up a censored show, put it in my car.
	When I'm driving, I catch up on Atheism is Unstoppable, Jim Goad, Jacob Wall, Dusty Bogan.
	Dude, Bogues, he's on the streets fucking in Australia.
	Cutting-edge, man-on-the-street shit.
	Intense.
	And Australia is a place you want to hear about these days because they've gone from the biggest cucks in the Western world to the forefront of the revolution.
	Yep.
	I just saw footage of a guy getting jumped by the cops and tackled because he had an orange shirt on because there's so many construction workers fighting back against the cops that they're now doing like they see it as a gang.
	So if they see reflective shirts, they tackle you.
	Anyway, $10 a month.
	It's worth it.
	It will replenish your faith in humanity and restore your sanity.
	So until we meet behind the paywall, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	But yeah, guys, let's really torture that Amy Siskind.
	All she has is Twitter.
	Her kids are grown out of the house.
	She's got her two dogs.
	And all she does is sabotage people's lives, trying to get proud boys fired.
	And you don't have to do anything but just call out her tweets for the mistakes that they are.
	And she will have a nervous breakdown.
	And that will be great.
	Okay, shall we dive into the letters page, Ryan?
	Yeah, the mailbag.
	I was with a guy today at the pub.
	We call him Jackson because his last name's Jackson.
	But he looks like General Jackson.
	He's got the whole mustache thing.
	Stonewall, sorry.
	I fucked that up completely.
	Everyone calls him Stonewall because his name's Jackson and he looks like Stonewall Jackson.
	Anyway, he started going to concerts when he was 15 in the late 60s.
	He saw Jeff Beck with then unknown vocalist named Rod Stewart.
	Wow.
	He saw The Who open for the doors in 1968.
	All they had out then was The Who sell out.
	I can see for miles and miles.
	I think they had two or three albums at that point.
	And he saw fucking Jimi Hendrix.
	Damn.
	And The Who were tanking.
	The Who had just had a complete flop of a single come out.
	And the only reason people were going to see them, besides that they were opening for the doors, was that they were known to smash their equipment, and that hadn't been done.
	Luckily, they turned it around.
	You know, I just saw Midget Hank.
	What is his name?
	Drunk Hank from Howard Stern?
	Jeff the Drunk?
	Is it?
	He's the Midget guy?
	Yeah, Hank the Tank.
	Hank.
	Was there another?
	There was another drunk for a while.
	I think it was a long guy.
	I thought his name was Hank, but he crushes with music trivia and they found this out.
	And then he goes against Gary.
	And they do like a little music quiz.
	Does he talk like this?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's Jeff the Drunk.
	You're blurry again there, shit for brains.
	Yeah, that's it.
	Adjust your bangs.
	That'll get you sharp.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes together.
	It's Mailburn.
	Let me touch it.
	Okay, lots of Ryan stuff right out of the gate here.
	A lot of people are concerned about your record collection.
	I mean, sorry, the music that you make.
	Uh-oh.
	Some have said it sounds like on regular show when they're making fun of the music they make.
	Yeah.
	That's funny.
	This is from a guy we'll call Lewis.
	Make Ryan play a song of his tonight.
	Make Ryan play some of his music tonight to prove he is better than Jimi Hendrix.
	But we've already played his music.
	Does he mean they want you to grab a guitar?
	I don't have a guitar here.
	So that's impossible.
	Have you got a new jam you want to rock out?
	I actually recorded myself playing all along the watchtower today.
	Oh, my stars.
	Yes, the stars indeed.
	Well, can we see that?
	I'm sending it to this computer.
	Okay.
	And it'll probably take but a minute, so we can get a couple of mailbags in here.
	Okay.
	Scientists make miniature flying microchips for surveillance.
	Hi, Gavin, an Asian faglord, scientists at Northwestern University, have made a tiny flying microchip that they say is for contamination monitoring, popular surveillance, or disease tracking.
	That makes this baby monster beyond angry.
	The microchip with wings is the smallest flying structure humans have ever built.
	That's disturbing.
	By the way, I shuffled Ryan's music for a couple of hours the other day, and it's actually really good.
	So shut your fucking mouth, Gavin.
	Damn.
	Now, guys, I appreciate the support, but please don't be talking to my boy like that.
	So keep it above board.
	How does that have the power to fly?
	Let's see a video.
	There is a video.
	Thanks.
	That never occurred to me.
	I hate when people say shit like that.
	Since the beginning of time, man has been trying to improve his life.
	Yeah.
	And that has the effect of increasing the dispersal distance from the tree.
	And that's the name of the game, is spreading the seeds as far as possible.
	Yeah, I'm aware of fucking trees.
	Jump to the flying microchip, please.
	I don't want to lessen on dandelions.
	Capabilities would allow us to display two electronic circuit chips with the idea that those capabilities would allow us to distribute highly functional with miniaturized electronic devices that could sense the environment for disease tracking, population surveillance, maybe monitoring of environmental concerns.
	Sounds like they just drop them and so on.
	So the objects that we've created consist of two parts.
	One is an electronic functional component that has an overall size scale in the range of one millimeter.
	This guy's got a jello bastard.
	It's made of sand.
	But we've integrated with that electronic chip wing structures that form almost what looks like a helicopter.
	And so as these structures fall through the air, interaction between the air and those wings cause a rotational motion that creates a very stable, slow falling velocity that allows these structures to interact for extended periods with ambient wind that really enhances the dispersal process,
	much like seeds do in the biological world.
	We think we've beaten biology in a sense.
	Wait, we've got this just in.
	Gavin, you're confusing Jeff the Drunk with Hank the angry, drunken dwarf.
	Shame.
	But Hank hasn't been around for so long that you must be hearing a very old clip.
	Yeah, I think maybe it was a re-upload.
	But fucking really impressive music knowledge.
	It's such obscure shit.
	But that's when Sergeant was an ancient Chinese secret, dude.
	Ryan making fun of a child being eaten by a cougar is one of the funniest things to ever happen on G-O-M-L.
	And then he says it's on the full retard up.
	Thank you.
	Captain Pissy Pants, you previously claimed that wearing shirts after the age of 30 that feature any reference to bands is cringeworthy.
	Correct.
	How can that perspective hold any water coming from an old man who drinks himself into a pissy mess on a regular basis?
	Pretty normal for my people in Scotland.
	Wedding the chair is de rigour in Glasgow.
	It's called culture.
	Wears suits themed on idiotic films.
	Animal House is an idiotic film?
	And lots of fashion is an homage to some crucial piece of art, which is what Animal House is.
	So that's a silly criticism.
	While often cladding himself in tacky Budweiser merchandise.
	Tacky?
	This is...
	I'm wearing an homage to the 80s, really.
	I think this guy is just...
	See, this is the problem with you guys throwing stones from your glass house.
	You dress like shit.
	So you're sitting here saying, why should I listen to you?
	You do this.
	Send a picture of yourself.
	Send a picture of yourself, buddy, wearing anything.
	I bet you look like a fucking dork.
	We're wearing nothing.
	Yeah, send nudes.
	And this goes back to, on a slightly serious note, this shit with everyone mad at restaurants in New York City who are enforcing the vaccine passports.
	Now, at my local pub, the guy never bothers, the one that I go to in the city, he goes, it's none of my fucking business, he's Irish, none of my fucking business.
	That's great and everything.
	But before you shit on these restaurants for having to succumb to this bullshit, I'd like you just to own a business first, okay?
	Because it fucking sucks in Julian.
	I'm sorry, in de Blasios, New York.
	It's really, really hard.
	I'd love to see you try.
	I would love to see you keep a business open and feed your family through the pandemic.
	Guys, you got to accomplish something before you shit on everyone else.
	In fact, I just had a guy who wrote a letter here.
	I am done.
	We'll probably get to it.
	Where he's like, fuck you, man, you got to stand up for it.
	And I was just like, just tell me what business you started from scratch and how that's working out and the sacrifices you made during the pandemic.
	Do you have you playing your shitty music yet?
	I got it.
	All right.
	Here we go.
	So this, wait a minute.
	Just before you play, this must have been so fucking easy for you playing this loser Jimi Hendrix song.
	Yeah, I learned it by ear.
	And when it's not fucking easy, but when something's recorded, and this is one of my favorite solos of all the time.
	I mean, the whole thing is a guitar masterpiece in my eyes.
	But the thing is, he would hardly ever play that.
	He would never play this the same way live.
	He would just go.
	And so there was no integrity in it.
	But when he recorded this, I mean, he made one of the greatest guitar pieces ever.
	So you've seen him do this live a bunch of times?
	Oh my god, it's just disappointing.
	Fucking, it's just all over the place.
	You're like, please perform the shit that I like, sir.
	Well, he's high on heroin.
	I understand.
	Everybody's got their crosses to be.
	Kitten pillow.
	Oh, wait, this is a different song.
	Okay.
	No, I haven't played this part yet.
	Here it comes.
	You didn't do the.
	Oh, no, no, he didn't do that yet.
	That comes later.
	I'm not making excuses, but my tone has been better, too.
	I've been having some electronic problems.
	Yeah, whatever, Ryan.
	Rose McGowan just made me cringe so hard, I got a fucking Charlie horse in my toe.
	Keep doing what you do.
	No link concluded or anything.
	But Rose McGowan has been making the rounds.
	She was on Tucker's show.
	Tucker's big on bridging the gap.
	So Kanye, Rose, who else?
	Oh, Nikki Minaj.
	I don't know.
	Live by the Nikki, die by the Nikki, as Ben Shapiro said of Kanye.
	And I don't get all excited when the left throws us a bone and says, hey, actually, Trump doesn't deserve to die.
	She's a mental patient.
	Who are we kidding?
	Then it's not just Harvey Weinstein at all.
	It's like a lot of people.
	Did you see what she did the other day?
	She insisted that somebody broke into her house.
	What's this called?
	Yeah.
	It was a creepy video.
	I'll see if I can find it.
	That was kind of the point.
	Exactly.
	So at what point do you recognize it's not just this creepy movie mogul?
	It's like everybody.
	Well, very quickly.
	When I flew home, I...
	This will not be quick.
	Here we go.
	Who's running me off the road?
	Wait, what?
	Who's breaking into where I live?
	Who's cloning my phone?
	Hello, Democrats.
	Who's running me off the road?
	I don't believe you.
	We adopted a maniac.
	You know what that is?
	I'm just guessing.
	But she's got some other druggie friend who, like, forgot her keys and had to kick the door in to get there.
	And she's sleeping on her couch right now.
	That's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.
	But yeah, let's hear Rose on Tucker really quick, not be quick.
	And of course, you know, at that time, like, Fy had come out and said in the press, like, please, like, nothing would happen.
	Obviously, it wasn't a time societally.
	Certainly is not the time there, not that it ever was.
	And so my old assistant, like three years ago, she's like, she's a lesbian, and the woman that came in, that presented as working for the LAPD in a black suit, like kind of a short-haired lesbian woman,
	she goes, you're an actress, you've done the nude scene, you're done.
	And she wasn't wrong.
	I knew she was right.
	I was like, yeah, you're right.
	So then I found out quickly that he was offering to anybody he'd done this to a million dollars.
	That was his number.
	That was his standard offer.
	And you had to sign a non-disclosure agreement, which means you cannot talk to your therapist, your boyfriend, your mom, anybody in your life for the rest of your life.
	You cannot tell them this monstrous thing happened to you.
	Keep it inside.
	So I was like, I'm going to trick him.
	So I played really dumb and requested $100,000 in return for not signing an NDA.
	These smiles.
	This might be what the cringe he's talking about.
	What happens to women when they get that?
	Like, what?
	He's so tragic.
	It's kind of a Johnny Rotten thing, too, where he's like, I don't always do what I'm told, but sometimes I tell people what to do, and then he goes and stops like he'll be talking to the person, but then he'll look over at the camera,
	like, see what I did there?
	A little tricky la meu in new like current interviews or the old ones, new ones, yeah, current ones that's one of your best impressions.
	Uh, dear censored, I remember Ryan saying that he thought he had COVID a year ago.
	Gavin didn't care then, he just did it.
	They look great now, but they've obviously worked with him once, I was like, how do you deal with him?
	I love the guy, but he's a sexy squirrel.
	Hello, and he goes, That's who he is, man.
	Like, he'll say, Do you fancy a cup of tea?
	I'll go, yeah, right.
	And he goes, Would you like some sugar in your tea?
	Like, we're alone, and that's how he's talking.
	He's not any of these.
	Squirrels are rarely sexy.
	More like a, like, kind of like this, but no, he's more like slinky.
	Like, huh?
	Like, is that a little bit of a tea?
	He's almost like a vampire.
	Oh.
	Hmm, that counts souls.
	So, I guess I ignored you when you said you thought you had COVID.
	Gavin had a negative test, but still claims COVID.
	Yes.
	Three, I clearly remember losing my taste, smell twice as a child from a cold flu.
	Dude, two and three are the same.
	You can put those together.
	Four, so many people that are against the system tyranny are saying we should all relax because vax passports aren't such a big deal.
	When did you lose your balls?
	We'll get to that.
	Five, the vaccines do not protect against variants and are only effective for a few months.
	Yep, it's like a flu shot.
	Six, if you didn't realize that there will only be more social unrest going forward due to these mandates, you have an IQ of 48, which I think, I'm not sure you can feed yourself with an IQ of 48 and are what some doctors would call mentally retarded.
	Thank you.
	That's from Justin.
	And I responded to Justin because I've gone through these emails already and I wanted to make sure that you didn't get any duds.
	And I said to Justin, just curious what you've sacrificed in this fight against tyranny.
	Did you lose your business?
	Have you ever built a business bigger than a lemonade stand?
	No.
	Okay, then shut the fuck up.
	I'm obviously against the vaccine passports.
	I'm obviously against this tyranny, all that stuff.
	All I'm saying is we cannot be shitting on these local businesses who are going bankrupt under this bullshit for not fighting back hard enough.
	They're in the worst that, like, they were just shut down entirely for so long that they're probably just, they'll do anything to stay open.
	These poor people.
	They're not pussies.
	Yeah.
	You are.
	Gavin Rye guy.
	Make babies, okay?
	13 weeks and three days.
	This baby is due to G-O-M-L.
	No joke.
	I've been watching from the start.
	Was single.
	No responsibility.
	Continuing to party for too long.
	Got my shit together and now a baby on the way.
	Start college in a couple weeks.
	Decent job.
	This is from a guy in Hertfordshire, which ironically is where I was born.
	I was born in Hitchen in Stevenage, which is all Hertfordshire.
	You're not pulling up the picture of his little baby?
	Oh, let's see.
	Isn't it nuts how people say, don't say my name on the air?
	How'd you lose your job?
	Oh, I was caught watching a show.
	Was it Kitty Porn?
	No, no, it was a political comedy show that is verboten because it's pro-Trump.
	Look at that little guy.
	Yep.
	God, I love.
	I want a baby again.
	I guess I'm getting a baby, right?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I'm getting a baby.
	You could hold my baby.
	Yeah, I'm going to babysit it a lot.
	That'd be awesome.
	People are really mad that I threatened your child the other day.
	I saw that.
	But I'm still a first-time parent, so I'm still trying to gauge what's a line cross or what's not.
	And I think that was a good test.
	And we have a show here, people.
	We have to be entertaining.
	Yes, I'm not literally going to kill this child.
	Gavin, on Chrissy's show, you mentioned that we will never have a genuine national divorce and split into two countries because the Civil War was so brutal.
	I don't think the circumstances are comparable, he says.
	The Civil War happened because the North wanted to maintain the Union and the South wanted to secede.
	However, today I see people, I see possible alignment on the concept of a national divorce.
	What would we have to fight over?
	Give them whatever states they want as long as they fuck off.
	Yeah, that's what I said.
	I said we're not going to have bloodshed.
	It's not going to be some war where we have to fight to the death for Texas.
	They don't want Texas.
	Although, as Tucker pointed out recently, I believe on Patrick Coffin's show, which is a good get, Patrick, they are injecting Afghan refugees and Haitian refugees and I'm sure future Mexican refugees into purple states in order to flip them blue.
	20 million immigrants pouring in this country.
	Right now, I think we have 30 million illegal Mexicans.
	They're getting that number up, and that will mean that they can dominate all the swing states by injecting them with illegals and various immigrants.
	New immigrants always vote Democrat.
	Fuck knows why.
	I guess they're stupid.
	And that will mean Democrats rule forever.
	So that's what they're going for right now.
	And it's very disappointing.
	I'm glad this came up.
	Very important video.
	Prosecutors lose fight to keep January 6th surveillance videos.
	Look at this.
	This is the worst thing to happen to America.
	According to Matthew Dowd, who is an MSNBC guy who's now fucking Maria Shriver, I guess he's a necrophiliac.
	Jesus Christ, she looks like she's from Tales from the Crypt.
	Matthew Dowd said this was way worse than 9-11.
	I don't know.
	What one would you rather be in?
	The 81st floor of Tower 1 or that guy?
	They don't even know where they're going.
	I was trying to pull up that song.
	What is that song where there's a ballroom dance that goes that elegant ball music like?
	Like, how do you find those songs?
	I don't know.
	Can't you like Shazam your own voice?
	I don't think it works like that.
	Check out this article from CNN's race deconstructed newsletter.
	The title reminded me of your theory that the great American divorce basically proves it.
	It's funny how they're shocked at normal people, blah, blah, blah.
	So it's an article that CNN puts out.
	Look how unprofessional they are.
	This is people who don't give a shit about their site.
	This is someone who doesn't look at their site the way an outsider would.
	They just churn out the crap.
	So go back to the top there.
	A version of the story appeared in CNN's Race Deconstructed newsletter.
	To get it in your inbox every week, sign up for free here.
	Buckhead wants it.
	So the first two sentences should be like bold and green or some shit.
	In a box or something.
	Anyway, that's just me as an old magazine guy getting pissed off.
	But this article is about how Georgia wants to separate from Atlanta.
	Atlanta is 60% black.
	So that's racist if you want to separate from a black city.
	Maybe.
	But isn't there some culpability there?
	Like, couldn't the angle be blacks ruined Atlanta?
	And now no one wants anything to do with it?
	AIU did a great video, now that I'm a censored.tv buff, about turning bleepanese.
	And it's all these people in black people in Japan saying they hate America because America's racist and they're so glad to get out of there where they can be safe and everyone's nice there and treats them right.
	And you're like, yeah, because you're a novelty.
	The less blacks in a neighborhood, the more they're cherished.
	Bad news, Japanese people are chronically dishonest to your face and they will pretend that you're the greatest thing that ever walked the earth and then when they're at home, they're like, fuck that guy.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Don't date their daughters if you really think you're being accepted.
	Japanese people, if you are, if your parents are Korean or your grandparents are Korean and you're born there and your name's Uri Zukomoto, you still will not be considered Japanese because you're not genetically Japanese.
	They are the kings of eugenics.
	That's why they joined the Nazis, dumbass.
	But this is definitely a video worth seeing because it's just this fucking constant whining and complaining.
	And you're like, yeah, it was dangerous where you came from because blacks were going to kill you.
	Blacks?
	Where is a black person safer?
	In a white neighborhood or a black neighborhood?
	Oh my God.
	White neighborhood for sure.
	I mean, a while back, a baby monster called in and said, have you noticed, by the way, baby monster has finally passed the mustard?
	It sure has.
	I told you to have faith in me.
	Oh, by the way, speaking of baby monster, Maddie was going to be here via Skype, but he feels like shit.
	The operation went great.
	Okay.
	Shit, I'm sorry I didn't.
	It took me an hour to say this.
	But I was corresponding with him past few days, couple days.
	He's been there two days.
	He just got out.
	He's at home now.
	I said, do you want to Skype in?
	And he said, no, I'm just going to rest.
	I feel like shit.
	Like, the drive from the hospital to his house was brutal.
	Every bump was rough.
	And we know this, by the way, from when Gigi Gorgeous's husband had her tits cut off.
	And she said every bump on her wheelchair was incredibly painful.
	But you know what's amazing?
	He's got the laser thing that goes in his heart.
	It scars the ventricle of his heart.
	And with fire, like a laser, you're burning it.
	And he has heartburn.
	He literally burnt his heart.
	And you feel it.
	You feel like a hot burn in your tent.
	So he's got a hole here, the hole's in his groin.
	He's probably asleep right now.
	I don't know if he's watching this, but we're glad that you're doing great, Baby Monster.
	And the reason that I didn't really deal with it is because we found out that this is a routine operation a long time ago.
	The guy who did it to him that day did three others.
	I was never really worried.
	Anyway, a while back, a baby monster called in and said that he was friends with Nuka Zeus.
	He also mentioned that he was friends with Jaron Benton.
	You probably don't care because you're not into rap, but Jaron Benton was a very prominent underground rapper before all the woke BS started up.
	He still makes music, but it's kind of boring and race-focused now.
	Nuka Zeus and Jaron Benton would be a really cool interview for the show.
	Wait.
	Oh, I thought they were the same person.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Some guy who knew Zooka Zeus also knew a rapper.
	Thanks for the letter.
	Sorry, I didn't mean to show that.
	It's hard to not know a rapper.
	Yeah, it's just talking.
	That was boring.
	Fuck China video drop.
	Okay.
	Downloading?
	Oh?
	Do you want to know what that?
	Well, you know what I said?
	Fuck China.
	That's cool.
	That could be our intro to the COVID.
	Pretty good.
	Daym no bueno on Twitter.
	Unbelievably based.
	Why did I click on this now?
	Why did this make the cuts?
	Oh, yeah, this is cool.
	This has been going around.
	So there's these OKCupid ads all over New York subways, and they are fingers in apples.
	They're not very subtle at all.
	People tonguing each other with one tongue, pansexual, anal sex.
	Anything goes.
	Go to OK Cupid if you want to fuck.
	Not saying the actual word fuck.
	But this based mom just goes, you know what?
	I'm sick of this shit.
	And started taking them all down.
	This is propaganda.
	Yeah.
	This is normalizing.
	Normalizing.
	The next generation is.
	Yeah.
	Like, no one sees this.
	No.
	This is just.
	TV told them not to get upset and wear the mask.
	We're going to call the shit.
	It's probably the Christian Korean, right?
	Serious.
	It'd be awesome if you all dressed like workers for the city.
	You have like yellow vests on and a hard hat and some dirty khakis, boots, and then you just rip them the fuck down.
	Dude, every time we go in the subway, it's like an assault on your ethics, on your morals.
	It's like, what do they got up now?
	And it's always like a black guy and a white guy kissing.
	And you're like, I don't even know what they're doing.
	I'm scared to ask about shit play.
	Call your local doctor.
	Look at that one.
	I don't want my kids knowing what pansexual.
	Dude, when I was a kid and I saw the album Sex Pistols, just that name alone, I was like, whoa.
	I have a boner.
	And I don't...
	Like, it's a gun in sex.
	What the fuck?
	Imagine seeing that.
	This is probably good advertising for OK Cupid, though.
	Shit, maybe they work at OK Cupid.
	That's a deep breath.
	Maybe they work at an ad agency.
	And then they get the OK.
	They look a little cool to be Puritans, don't they?
	They work for Tinder, and they have even gayer ones, but they're like, I just don't like gross.
	Today I thought back to when Gavin was shitfaced, guys, shit-faced is one word.
	On the live show and said he would kill Ryan's wife and unborn baby if Ryan fucked up the calls.
	I personally think that's too far.
	And I think Ryan should have squared up with Gavin.
	I.e., get fired, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	I guess he forgot to get in trouble.
	I would knock my boss out if he were to say something like that to me.
	Gavin, how would you have reacted if Ryan was a real man and wanted to fight you?
	Now dissing me.
	I love you more than a bird that has hurt me today.
	If Ryan wanted to fight me for that joke about killing his unborn baby, I would say, calm the fuck down.
	It's a joke.
	Jesus Christ, sit down, sit down.
	Then if he started a fight, I would fight him.
	But I fought three dudes today.
	I'm not that Puerto Rican.
	I can have self-control.
	Even Puerto Ricans are pretty...
	I mean, if that was a black dude, though, oh, forget about it.
	If you talk about throwing a sneaker in the fucking gutter, it's over, dude.
	They just don't like disrespect.
	Me, I could take some words.
	I mean, it depends on the context.
	If you're seriously sitting there insulting someone's child, and it has, you know, your daughter's a failure, blah, blah, blah, and she's fat or whatever, that's fighting words.
	But when it's like, because I used to always say to Ryan, dude, I swear to God, if the Skype calls fuck up tonight, I'm going to not touch you.
	I'm going to slowly kill everyone you love until you commit suicide.
	And say it calmly.
	And here's the joke is, when you say something so calmly and you're going through what you will do, the worst that thing is, because it's not in, there's no risk of it actually happening, is funnier.
	And there's the joke.
	By the way, you and Bobby Kelly and Anthony Kumia, that was fucking amazing.
	It was a great show.
	Did you see the comments on the site?
	No.
	Baby monsters are baby monsters.
	They're monsters and they're babies.
	Why?
	First of all, they never heard of Bobby Kelly.
	What?
	Which is weird.
	So they're not into comedy if you haven't heard of him.
	The guy is, he's not new.
	He's one of the godfathers of that fucking Patrice O'Neill, Bill Burr, obviously.
	And Louis C.K., Boston comedy.
	Yeah, he had a whole reality show with Dane Cook where they went on tour.
	He's been around.
	But they're like, who is this fat fuck?
	Are you kidding?
	Why won't he shut up?
	Oh, my God.
	You guys got on swimmingly.
	Yeah, I've done his show before.
	We met before.
	He's scared of me now because of my rep, but yeah, he's a funny guy.
	Yeah, but that was the first time I've seen a comic not be a pussy, like just sitting next to you and be like, oh, am I going to get in trouble with it?
	And just had a great time.
	Well, he did seem pretty worried, though, like when they said, we're going to look at the news, and you could hear him go, oh, God.
	And then Anthony goes, just disavow.
	Just disavow.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Hey, Gavin, I know you've been pretty openly against circumcision, so I thought you would find the story interesting.
	During college, I interned at a circus that was owned by an Orthodox Jewish organization.
	They insisted that all animals used in the show must be circumcised.
	As weird as that sound, I found myself being placed on a team that had to circumcise elephants.
	Jesus.
	Safe to say, I quit that internship soon after.
	The pay was garbage.
	However, the tips were huge.
	I guess I can stop Googling elephant circumcision now.
	The tips were huge.
	Do elephants have very big cocks?
	Oh, my God.
	They're ridiculous.
	Because that's the kind of thing you say.
	Like, my fucking cock's huge.
	I have an elephant cock.
	And then you look it up and they have tiny dicks.
	Yeah.
	Like, bears.
	Bears' dicks are embarrassing.
	If there's any bears watching, I don't mean Owen Benjamin.
	Oh, dude.
	I mean literal bears.
	We've got a bear right around the corner here.
	Shitty dick.
	Bears.
	Bears.
	Joy Reed and the Missing White Woman Syndrome.
	I'm supremely confident.
	I'm supremely confident that if there was a black female kidnapped by a white male, it would be the story of the century.
	Yes.
	Movies would be made about it, and our children would read about it in the history books for generations.
	Tomorrow on the show, I'm going to do a green screen about brutal black-on-white murders that got zero media attention.
	And as I was going through the research, I discovered, of course, the Central Park Five, who are known on MSNBC as the exonerated five.
	They were exonerated by the media.
	They are guilty.
	And that fucking woman, no one knows her name, including me, was beaten so severely that she now does seminars for neurologists on how a brain can rebuild itself when it's been smashed to smithereens.
	No one talks about her, but everyone talks about those poor boys.
	They were on their way to their violin lessons.
	Much the chagrin of the media and their wettest, wildest fantasies, this never happens.
	They don't like the optics of black men committing crime, no matter how heinous.
	So the regular black-on-black kidnappings have no shot at reaching the headlines.
	How do I know this happens regularly without any headlines?
	The eyeball test on Amber Alerts hitting my phone show about a 100 to 1 ratio of missing black kids to missing white kids.
	It's tragic on so many different levels, but I'll leave it for you to elaborate on.
	I did elaborate on it.
	I talked about how fucking awesome it would be if Joy Reed was a tenth of what she purports to be.
	There's a huge hole in the media right now for real black reporting.
	And if I did it, it would become, you know, the racist tower.
	But if Joy Reed genuinely covered missing black girls, genuinely covered mass gang shootings, genuinely covered the race wars of South Central where Mexicans are murdering blacks.
	Holy shit, wouldn't that be great?
	And I'm not saying it has to be like blacks are fucking up and we need to check ourselves before our records.
	She can continue with her tedious shit about systemic racism.
	That's fine.
	But like three black girls were stolen by a pimp named Big Daddy Faggot.
	No, that's not his real name.
	And he has a history of doing this and blah, blah, blah.
	He's ruined their lives.
	There was a magazine called Feds.
	I don't know if it's still around, but you'd buy it at the subway stations in New York.
	Finally, every dimension of the street.
	And it was what I'm pushing right now.
	It was interviews with mobsters and gangsters and drug dealers and why this guy was killed and what happened with Terrence Gangster Williams and fucking Lance Furtado.
	The Furtado brothers supplied the drugs to some of Queen's largest drug dealers.
	I mean, she says no one talks about blacks.
	Well, there's no, we don't have many Gabby petitos in the black community, especially when it comes to missing ones, but there's plenty of spooky stories.
	Let's hear about it, Joy.
	It would be a joy.
	I think we're ready to start taking some calls.
	Gazals, Gazals, Gizales.
	Jesus, people started emailing like crazy once we started doing the show.
	Oh, thanks for, yeah.
	Somebody was like Por Una Cabeza.
	That is the song.
	The first song I was saying, the Tango song.
	Second one?
	Good luck finding that one.
	What happened to Maddie?
	I know you said he had a bad prior reputation, but I find him to be a delightful young man.
	Yeah, Maddie's not going anywhere, folks.
	I love Maddie.
	And he's a great addition to the show, especially when we talk about crime and guns, two things I know very little about.
	He's a crucial expert to have on.
	Taking some calls.
	You are on the air.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You want me to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why doesn't we get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	Wait, look at this.
	Got a letter from a Glaswegian who's been watching this.
	Gav, pussing yourself is nothing.
	A shitey-whitey, shut yourself in a throw up, is a rite of passage for a Glaswegian.
	That's a level of mad weight one should try to achieve at least once.
	Oh, mad with it.
	Like mad with it, crazy with it.
	By the way, next time you're back in Glasgow, you should help the Potstal in town, the Brazenhead, IRA bar and the Gorbals, or Hergate's on the south side.
	Old man pubs you'd love, by the way, there.
	Cheers, Sammy.
	I grew up.
	Wait, he's got another letter.
	He's attached to this.
	I grew up in Glasgow and plenty of opportunity to act like that around cops.
	And it just never, ever happened.
	If you're caught, you're caught.
	Act sensibly and it'll turn out best for you.
	And then he says, have a look at this classic situation.
	I feel like it has all the boxes tucked.
	Useless, tiny female cop doing absolutely fuck all.
	Totally compliant and not aggressive, black suspect.
	Ultra-woke rich kid from Vancouver.
	Nothing to be angry about.
	Oh, we've probably seen this.
	Is this the bicycle incident?
	What was the title of that again?
	It just came in.
	It's called Pissing Yourself is Nothing.
	Oh, gotcha.
	Okay.
	Show history.
	There we go.
	There's a boy.
	Oh, yeah, I remember this.
	Oh, yeah, I remember this.
	He sent that in June.
	What am I being arrested for, faggot?
	Okay, let's go.
	CJ.
	CJ.
	What's up, CJ?
	Can you hear us, CJ?
	Oh, can we turn your uh my road mic on?
	Yes, it's on.
	It's on.
	Okay.
	This could be a CJ thing.
	Okay, I'm gonna go get a beer.
	Let's get the next game.
	Jeff, talking about gay stuff.
	Jeff, you got some gay stuff you want to talk about.
	I don't believe this.
	I did.
	Oh, I know why.
	I'm a retard.
	Okay.
	It was one click away.
	Ready to connect.
	Click connect.
	Okay, so we're doing this thing without Skype from now on.
	And so now we're good.
	I know we're now.
	Okay.
	See, that little thing had to happen there.
	What's happening?
	You hadn't pushed.
	I had to connect to the deal.
	I wait till the last minute because it does charge us.
	Yeah, don't worry about the 37 cents, okay?
	We'd rather have a show that works.
	It's like when you turned off the AC to save money, I was like, we don't pay for the AC, fuckhead.
	Jeff.
	Yeah, Ryan, now I hear you.
	Cool.
	What's up, dude?
	Hey, Ryan.
	Yeah?
	The phones are all messed up, and I think I know a lot.
	Very funny.
	Okay.
	What's your question?
	Gavin.
	Yes?
	How often do you poo yourself?
	I probably shart my pants once a two months about.
	Well, because I'm a doctor at 40.
	Hey, baby.
	And I'm on the same path in life as you, drinking too much.
	Yeah.
	And I'm worried I'm going to get to that stage because I got the bowel movements.
	What would you tell your younger self if you were at 40 right now?
	I don't know.
	Stick to beer.
	Avoid.
	I do.
	Yeah, well, you'll be fine then.
	I'm at the point now where my farts, I have to, it's sort of like skateboarding.
	Like I feel it coming.
	I'm like, is this trustworthy?
	Is this trustworthy?
	And then I'm like, yep, we're good.
	But it's delicate every time.
	Yeah, right?
	And then how do you avoid the divorce?
	You know, I threw up in bed one time and my wife almost messed me.
	How do you shit the bed a couple times or piss it?
	I've never...
	You got to do some real sweet stuff.
	I've shit the bed like one drop in Jamaica once in my life.
	And I got rid of the sheets right away.
	That wasn't an issue.
	As far as wetting the bed, it fucking sucks.
	But the secret is you get a king, right?
	And you get a sort of a, it's not a plastic sheet, but it's an impermeable membrane sheet.
	And then you get up in the middle of the night and you grab six towels.
	You lay the towel down, you lie on it, the towel absorbs it all because the moisture can't go down through that sheet you have.
	Then you throw that towel under the bed, then new towel.
	And six towels later, it'll be morning.
	There'll be zero P in the mattress.
	You will have sucked it all up with the towels.
	And now you've got to figure out a time to wash towels.
	Because if your wife comes downstairs and you're like, hi, honey, just washing towels as I'm want to do, that's not going to work.
	You don't wash towels.
	Doing the laundry, babe.
	Doing the laundry.
	I'm trying to help you out.
	Yeah, that's not going to work.
	And towels suck, too, because they're so big.
	So you wash them.
	You're going to need like a good four or five hour stint.
	But I find a good time to do that is, you know, your wife, if you got kids, she's fucking exhausted by 9 p.m.
	You're not tired at all.
	Now you got 9 till 1 to go on a towel spree, washing them up, and then you just neatly fold them and hide them back where the towels go.
	Dude, my wife, before COVID, she could smell fucking piss if you put a drop on the toilet, dude.
	There's no way I'm going to get away with that.
	Yes, you are, because it's not normal piss.
	When you wet the bed, it's just water.
	It's not yellow.
	You've got to really stick it.
	And say you didn't get it 100%.
	Another thing to do, you get an iron and you lay out stuff on the, you find the border of your stain, of your wet spot, and you put things on it, like a hat and your glasses and whatever.
	So now you have the area marked off, right?
	And then you take an iron, you get it nice and hot, and you push down, push down like a good six, seven inches with the iron.
	Don't let it stay in one spot too much.
	You're going to burn it.
	And you'll see this steam will come up.
	That's piss.
	And you're inhaling hot piss, which was my friend Blake's band for a while in Guelph, Ontario, hot piss.
	But you steam it out, and that'll also help if the towel thing didn't work.
	But don't get caught.
	As Krass say, if you choose to stray from the path that you've been taught, don't expect help and don't get caught.
	And if you think that you don't get a lot of blowjobs when you fart in front of your wife, you ain't seen nothing yet.
	Wetting the bed is blowjob kryptonite.
	Dude, I'm a lifelong Krass fan, and I've learned long ago how to grab one butt cheek and pull it apart and snuck my farts out.
	But Gavin, thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling.
	Wait, I didn't call you.
	You called that guy?
	Yeah.
	That's fucking weird.
	Hey, man, why didn't you call?
	We should just start calling.
	When people subscribe, do they have to include their phone number?
	I don't think so, but they should.
	Yeah, we should have a Thursday where we just call people.
	Yeah.
	Hey, man, how come you're not watching the show?
	I saw some guy.
	The fucking Mets were in it back before they really shit the bed.
	This was like a month ago.
	And they were in the 12th inning, in extra innings.
	And I'm in New York City on the Upper West Side.
	Some guys were in a Mets hat.
	And I go, what are you doing?
	I was Running to a bar to see the end of the game.
	I just left it from a different bar.
	So I was whipping from bar to bar during commercials so I wouldn't miss the game.
	And he goes, What do you mean?
	I go, The Mets.
	12th inning.
	12 innings.
	We're kicking their ass.
	And he's like, Oh, yeah, I'll check it.
	He just liked the hat.
	Jesus.
	I'm not a poser.
	What do we got?
	CJ.
	Or something.
	You guys hear me?
	Yep.
	Yo, you know, the first thing I wanted to say was, Ryan, I don't know what Gavin's talking about.
	Whenever he says it's blurry for your cam, it's not blurry from what I could see.
	I think it's all right.
	The second thing I wanted to say was...
	Yeah, Pee-Wee is way sharper than you.
	Pee-wee and Billy Bologna.
	Wait, what'd you say, dude?
	CJ?
	Whatever you're seeing, I'm not seeing.
	He looks clear to me.
	You know, my son has a friend named CJ, and I call him Siege.
	Does anyone ever call you Siege?
	No, no, no.
	My name's Hazy.
	Oh, that's probably why.
	Yeah.
	Nobody calls you Siege at all.
	But what I really wanted to call about is what you were saying about Joy Reed before is like, it never really struck me, but you're so right.
	That bitch doesn't give a fuck about anybody.
	She doesn't give a shit about black people.
	She doesn't give a fuck about Americans.
	Like, she really is.
	She doesn't give a shit about anybody.
	And like when you were talking about it earlier this week, it's so true, though.
	It finally hit me.
	She doesn't give a fuck about anybody.
	And it doesn't have to dominate her.
	I understand.
	You might lose ratings if your entire show was like, here's a black girl who was gang raped and they chopped her head off and threw it in the sea.
	So you can do your mainstream stuff, your Bobby Petito and your border thing that you have to cover.
	But like have a segment at the end of the show called Don't Forget About Me or something.
	And it's about a major shooting that went off in Chicago and killed a four-year-old boy who was coming home from school.
	Like I guess it's a downer.
	Maybe that's why they don't do it.
	But just make it a segment.
	And then she says, and she doesn't have to say, we need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves, but just include it.
	Because no one else is covering that.
	It's a huge hole.
	And she's such a fucking poser-rich bitch, Harvard cunt.
	You know what she took at Harvard?
	She took movies.
	Ooh, that must have been tough.
	Sorry, I'm late.
	I was watching E.T. All right, thanks for calling.
	Did he also say thanks for calling?
	Maybe that's going to become the new thing.
	It's becoming a thing.
	Let's see.
	301, you're on the line.
	Good afternoon, guys.
	Most underrated job ever.
	Gavin, I think that the ideas that you've been espousing back in the days of Tamara Holder are actually underpinning the Me Too movement.
	If I can just kind of lay this out for you.
	So women understand that they've been ripped off through sexual empowerment, through this idea that sexuality is worth nothing, hookup culture, you know, own it, no slut shaming.
	They've been ripped off because a very, very small percentage of men at the very top get all the sex without any of the commitment because women want commitment, men want sex.
	So they know that they've been ripped off, but rather than concede that, oh, the sexual empowerment movement was a mistake, they want to punish men for pursuing them sexually callously in that way.
	So Aziz Ansari, Chris Delia, Louisa Kay, what they're doing is punishing aggressive male sexuality, which while not illegal is out of line with the natural order, which is women using their sexuality as a currency to get marriage and commitment and family.
	So I just wanted to lay that out for you.
	Yeah, I think that's a good point.
	And I don't think it's premeditated.
	There's no logic to it.
	It's just like, fuck you.
	Like they've been fucked over.
	You know how you're grumpy when you're hungry and you're irrational and you call ADT and you say, my cameras suck.
	And to do so would also acknowledge that there are fundamental biological differences between men and women, and that would obliterate their entire, you know, woke ideology.
	So rather than make any concessions there, you know what, men and women are different.
	Females have different priorities.
	Sexuality is different for women.
	It's just like, no, it's all men's fault.
	Let's just punish men and create this new world, tear it all down, just like Antifa, so they can succeed within the new world order.
	And it's not just making them a costume bag for our cum.
	It's also this thing of you date a woman at like 27.
	You date her for three, four years.
	She's 31.
	Then you're cheating on her for a year.
	You got her a dog, by the way, to appease her maternal instincts.
	The whole thing's over at like 32.
	Now, in the old days, they go, you took the best years of her life.
	What the fuck have you done?
	You asshole?
	You're going to get beat up by her brother or something.
	Now it's just like age is nothing.
	Babies aren't a thing.
	Ovaries don't exist.
	So you can destroy a woman.
	Basically rip her ovaries out and throw them in the garbage by dating her from late 20s and dumping her early 30s.
	And there's no stigma.
	There's no ramification.
	There's no nothing.
	And then you go back and you date another 27-year-old.
	And you keep just burning these women's ovaries out and throwing them in the garbage.
	And there's no comeuppance.
	Yeah, and that's the Mark Maron example.
	And then there's like the Chris DeLee example of just touring college campuses and just fucking young girls and not really, which, you know, that's a man's prerogative.
	But at a certain point, women are going to say, you know what?
	Fuck this.
	This is enough.
	We actually want different things.
	And it's just a total fuck you, dad.
	It's not like based in any form of logic.
	But that I think is what's explaining a lot of the Me Too movement.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	Thanks for calling.
	Fucking lots of people that you don't know is for faggots.
	So, hey, Vince Neal and Motley Crew, when you were doing girls, girls, girls, it does seem really cool from afar.
	And when I was a teenager, I thought, wow, Motley Crew, they get tons of pussy.
	But as an adult who's fucked a bunch of people and then grew up and then had a loving wife who I fucked last night, I go, I don't even, it's gone beyond sad.
	It's fag.
	You're a faggot.
	And that's sad.
	Fags are sad.
	I mean, all my wife's faggot friends have dumped her for marrying a Nazi, but before Trump, they didn't give a shit.
	And I would hang out with them all the time.
	They were my neighbors upstate.
	And they'd be like, have you ever had a threesome?
	And I go, yeah, I've had a couple.
	I don't know.
	I said what I always say about threesomes, which is, it's great for your spank bank, but the actual act is like running around a party with a clipboard being like, are you guys okay?
	Okay, the shakes are coming out soon, and we're going to have confetti.
	And I don't know.
	You're a party planner.
	And he goes, threesomes are for losers.
	We have eightsoms.
	And I was like, wait a minute, eightsoms?
	Dude, how many like feet are there?
	16 feet?
	That's what, 160 toes?
	Just like everywhere?
	Like, what?
	How much jizz is there?
	This much?
	Shake makes me want to take Charles Atlas.
	This is Me Too shit that I just saw yesterday about James Franco.
	They just show his reaction while they're all taking turns talking about how gross it is to use your fame, which is like, okay, it's gross, but it's not illegal.
	Oh, look at that shit.
	That's crazy.
	Isn't that nuts?
	Do we all agree with that, James?
	He's like, oh, fuck.
	Well, another thing I'll say about people like James Franco is men are only as loyal as their opportunities.
	When men have pussy thrown at them, what are they going to do?
	Like, I know I sound like I'm contradicting myself.
	It is a pathetic lifestyle, and it's nothing to look up to.
	But I understand how they end up like that.
	When I used to hang out with Johnny Knoxville, he would have a lineup of women lining up like 13 women.
	And he'd have a notepad and he'd be scheduling in when to fuck them.
	He'd be like, all right, well, I have to go back on Thursday to LA.
	But I could do Wednesday from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m.
	Anyway, by the way, Nuka Zeus is live right now.
	And I've asked him if he'd like to come on.
	I don't think he answered.
	He's hanging out with some zombies.
	I told him I was going to DM him the info.
	But if everybody, you know, if you have a spare phone open or something, and you go into this little thing and you say, yo, go on this guy's show.
	See if you can make it happen.
	He asked me for a bunch of money.
	You know what's annoying?
	When guys are wiggery like that, you want to say, yo, I've hung out with that dude.
	And when he talks to black people, they get totally turned off and they prefer guys like me who shake their hand normal and don't try to act black.
	And I wish that were true, but it's not.
	No.
	No, they like the wigger guy better.
	They understand it.
	Yeah.
	More.
	I freaked them out.
	Okay, let's see.
	We've got Ethan.
	Ethan.
	Is this anything?
	Is this anything?
	Just doing anything.
	So Biggs and Ethan had their hearing on Tuesday.
	And yeah, I called in.
	I was able to listen to some of it.
	The judge said that the jury selects going to be May 18th of 2022.
	So what does that mean?
	Does that mean you can't be in solitary for a fucking year before this trial begins or what?
	Sounds like it.
	Didn't they have their bail denied?
	The idea of posting bail?
	I didn't hear them talk anything about that.
	The judge said that they have another thing set up for a couple weeks from now where he's going to make the final decision on whether they're going to send him home pre-trial.
	But just the way that everything's been rolling out up until this point, it doesn't sound like that's a hot possibility.
	So yeah, I just wanted to update, you know, throw something in their commentary or send them a letter because they're in a fucking shitty situation.
	So.
	Yeah, man, thanks for calling.
	We should get their addresses up at the end of the show.
	Oh, yeah, we got those.
	Oh, we do?
	Yep.
	Okay.
	What a fucking catastrophe.
	Look at that footage and then think of someone in prison in the hole, in the shoe, for six months for that.
	And the rationale is of the left, Amy Siskind, the White House, is that their plan was to storm the Bastilles, right?
	Go in there, murder politicians, drag Pence out, and hang him at the guillotine.
	Shouldn't you show that the guillotine doesn't work?
	Like, there's no way that was a functioning guillotine.
	Hang him, right?
	He's decapitated.
	And then start a new government.
	New education, new energy, new infrastructure.
	The states might even change their names.
	Maybe Texas will be called Trumpus.
	Are you fucking seven years old?
	I feel that insults my eight-year-old to even say that.
	It's just a, it's such a juvenile.
	I mean, it used to be the left and the right.
	And the left said, look, some people need help.
	They need government assistance.
	They're going through a rocky time.
	And the right would say, man, I believe in tough love.
	I think that they'll get too used to that aid and they won't pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
	Those are rational arguments.
	I see both sides of those.
	I like that kind of a debate.
	In fact, I want to get into it with someone and let's get specific about, you know, violating food stamps and using EBT cards at strip clubs and that kind Of stuff and the shattering of the black family.
	It's getting intellectual here, right?
	Not anymore.
	Now it's Nazis, white nationalists.
	I mean, I feel fucking stupid even saying these words, but they're part of the American vernacular.
	They come out of AOC's mouth on a regular basis.
	They come out of Joy Reid's mouth.
	Joy Reed's pinned tweet right now is that the Republican Party is knowingly allowing a white nationalist movement to take over this country.
	What?
	A white national...
	What?
	Like, you mean send blacks back to Africa?
	What about mulattoes?
	What about Octoroons?
	Do Koreans have to go back?
	How?
	Cruise ships?
	What the fuck is it?
	I realized recently that white nationalism just means not being ashamed of being white.
	That's really what their definition is these days.
	If you're not constantly self-flagellating, you go, we're kind of cool, actually.
	We made some cool stuff.
	Go look up Joy Reed's pin tweet.
	If it's still her pin tweet, we are living in...
	Clown world is way too flattering.
	Retard world.
	I wish there was a better word than retard.
	Joy Reed tarred.
	Reed-tard world.
	Yep.
	The Republican Party is currently and knowingly harboring a violent white nationalist insurgency against the United States.
	That is her.
	Nailed it.
	Got it.
	I want this to be the sentence that defines me.
	This is not two intellectuals discussing how to best make society better for all of us.
	Those days are gone.
	Now it's sane people who love this country, warts and all, and accept that we made some mistakes, but we're doing pretty darn good and let's move forward.
	And absolute fucking retards.
	Evil, vindictive, subhuman retards.
	I'm not exaggerating.
	Like, Joy Reid is garbage.
	Oh, you said subhuman actual retards, and I just thought that you wanted me to pull this up again.
	Yes, sir.
	I paid him $5.
	You're giving away hot shit.
	You're giving away shit these motherfuckers can use.
	Everybody's telling him to jump on There's a Bird Which is the Bald Eagle.
	How does he have friends?
	And I think I know why.
	I'm going to that nigga Zook Nuka's house tonight.
	Oh, that's that white dude who took them pills?
	Yeah, yeah, he's a good nigga, though.
	He's a good guy.
	I know.
	I'm sure he is.
	I'm freaked out by his fucking weird skin.
	Yeah, yeah, you get over that.
	I used to hang out with Sammy Sosa.
	It takes about a day.
	Sammy Sosa, of course, the black baseball player who is now an albino.
	He bleached himself to death.
	No, not to death.
	How do people talk to...
	Pull up Sammy Sosa.
	How do you sit and have a beer with Sammy Sosa?
	Especially if you start getting a buzz.
	I'd be like, there's got to be a moment where you go, dude, what the fuck?
	What have you done?
	It's as crazy as facial tattoos.
	Look at him.
	98 was the year that marked my life.
	Mark and I did such a great job that year.
	That's not him in his worst either.
	He was dark black.
	Look at that.
	The internet is going insane over these photos of Sammy Sosa with whitened skin, but what exactly is going on?
	Hey guys, it's Emily for Hollywood Life with your most necessary story of the day.
	And Sammy Sosa is one of the greatest home run hitters in MLB history.
	Sosa and Mark Maguire are credited with saving baseball when in 1998 they both went head-to-head for the next one.
	What do you think about her?
	She seems like a bunny boiler, huh?
	Bunny Boiler?
	Yeah.
	That's from the movie Fatal Attraction where what's her name boils that his pet bunny?
	Oh.
	It means like a chick that cannot dump.
	Like she's really nice when she meets her parents and shit.
	She's like, oh yeah, yeah, I'm starting to do that and stuff.
	It's a fun relationship to be in.
	Sure, sure.
	You guys go to Six Flags and stuff, and she's really energetic and stuff and giggly and she makes crazy food.
	But then when you start losing interest, things start getting weird.
	In like the fourth month, then she like, when she starts meeting your friends, you're like, oh, fuck, how's this going to go?
	Yeah.
	John, this is Erica.
	And then you go to this bar that you barely ever go to.
	It's like in a basement.
	You just need some time alone.
	And she comes out from the kitchen.
	Hi.
	Wow.
	What are you doing here?
	And you're like, what are you doing here?
	Yeah.
	Or like, oh, I like she's fixing some stuff in the back.
	You bring her somewhere like to your hometown.
	You're like, yeah, this branch with the high school and shit.
	This is like the subway we always used to go to after school.
	And then some girl that you knew like comes up to you.
	She's like, Ryan, how you been?
	Long time.
	And then you could tell, like, I'm in trouble right now.
	She's not going to mention it until we get in the car.
	No, but you know what happens to that?
	That chick is named Marcia.
	Marcia Sterner.
	Marcia Stirner, yeah, yeah.
	So you get a call from Marcia like four days later, and she's like, hey, your girlfriend Heather's really cool.
	And you go, oh, thanks.
	Yeah, we're getting along.
	And she goes, she friended me on Facebook.
	Oh, okay.
	And she showed up at my mom's bake sale and she bought everything my mom baked.
	And you're like, where was your mom's bake sale?
	It was at like the church in Kentucky.
	In Utrecht, in the Netherlands.
	I haven't seen my mother since I was eight years old.
	She tracked her down and is buying her stuff.
	And then she had it shipped to me.
	Uh-oh.
	Fuck.
	And then you hear, honey, I left the keys.
	Honey, are you talking to Marcia about the bank sale?
	No.
	Oh, wait.
	I'm trying to do a zoom in.
	I was going to do this.
	Very Mike Myers-ish.
	Yeah, well done.
	Nice delivery.
	I like that it was blurry, too.
	Well, I can do this.
	You didn't like my joke.
	Calling to move to America?
	I miss Maddie.
	Now you just have a monster?
	You know, he's lost so much weight for all these operations that we're going to have to soon call him Babe Monster.
	El Monstro de Monster.
	Oh, did I tell you the latest about Joe Tonelli?
	No.
	People are saying they want him to have a mailbag show.
	Yeah, I like that idea.
	Me too.
	I like that idea.
	Because I don't think he'll be shy at all.
	Oh, what?
	Are we serious?
	Okay, next letter.
	First of all, you can probably barely read this.
	Thank you for your service.
	Is it true that you're working at FedEx, but it got delayed?
	Oh, really?
	Really?
	Are you serious right now?
	Are you serious?
	Does he actually get mad or does he like, is he playfully mad?
	Oh, yeah.
	So here's the deal.
	So he's got a job at FedEx.
	Stop me if I've told you this already.
	He's got a job at FedEx, right?
	And that's obviously a lie.
	And he's, oh my God, when he's telling this lie, he's like, yo, I was in the Marines for 25 years.
	You were in the Marines for 25 years?
	Your pension must be awesome.
	And you were a nurse.
	You probably don't need a job, dude.
	You're like 50, whatever years old, and you've got a military pension, a nurse.
	He's got like seven pensions.
	Anyway, she goes, I'm getting a job at FedEx.
	So Maddie, baby monster, and our other friend, we call Unreliabil, they go to FedEx in the South Bronx, where he's working.
	And they go, hello.
	And they're like, hi, you want to send a package?
	You were expecting a package?
	No, no.
	Our friend Joe is working here soon.
	And they go, okay, when?
	He's supposed to start this Sunday.
	And they go, people don't really start on Sundays.
	Well, his boss is named Dean.
	Do you have a Dean here who hires?
	And they go, the boss here is named Peter Bruisbridge or whatever his fucking name was.
	But there's no Dean here.
	And they go, well, you're probably wrong because Joe said that Dean is the boss here and he hired Joe.
	They obviously know that they're in a lie.
	So we're at the bar and there's Joe and everyone's just got back from FedEx checking in on him, right?
	This is amazing.
	So he's all pissed off, like, what the fuck?
	Swear to God.
	Next person is going through that fucking window.
	I'll fucking launch you at the window.
	And so I go, Joe, what's your boss's last name?
	And he goes, stop enough.
	And then I'm like, stop enough?
	Is he German?
	It sounds like maybe a German Jewish guy.
	Dean Stopenoff.
	Oh, no, it's Greek.
	Yeah, Stopenophopolis, probably.
	Oh, I see.
	Yeah.
	Dean Stopanophenus.
	Stop enough of this.
	Yeah, Stop Enough of this.
	Dean Stop Enough of this.
	Oh, fuck.
	So now we're driving him insane by asking about how Dean Stop Enough is doing.
	Stop enough of this.
	Yeah.
	Oh, my God.
	Oh, look, I got pictures here.
	So Baby Monster is watching the show.
	Nice.
	I can actually update you with a picture of Unreliabil and Baby Monster going to FedEx to meet Dean Stopenough.
	And by the way, Joe's not starting on Sunday.
	It was delayed.
	There's been a delay in his hiring.
	There they are.
	Where's Joe?
	That's them walking into FedEx to go check on Joe's employment.
	Now, I also sent you Joe's resume.
	Oh, God.
	Which is awesome.
	It's really hard to pull up, though, because it's in scribbled, but I was reading it at the bar today, and it's like, can you zoom in on that?
	Sure can.
	Okay, so let's go up to District Safety Manager.
	No, none of this, none of this.
	That's all lies, by the way.
	Since my employment with NRG Home Solar Energy, the impact I'm having in less than a month of employment, I'm earning the trust and the respect of the employees, which is hard to do, especially being in the safety field when you have that on your side.
	The employees know you're looking out for their well-being and you're working with them, not against.
	In the past, like no periods here at all.
	It's all one sentence.
	In the past, the employees see the safety person drive up work.
	Work comes to a stop because they're afraid they're going to be quote unquote jamed up.
	However, when they see me, it's business as usual.
	And if I see something that's not right from there, I will put all my PPP, PPE and fail protection, et cetera.
	And I will assist on it.
	And I will assist them with their work as I talked with them, talk with them with my concerns.
	And the employees respect that.
	And from there, the word gets out as well.
	I have increased job inspections as well.
	Hold on a second.
	How does the word get out?
	Like, did you hear how, like, I respect the fact that he came up here with his PPE and he talked about what was on his mind?
	I respect that.
	Word's got to get around.
	Move everything over.
	I got the camera in the fucking way.
	Respect this poach.
	And from there, the word goes.
	I have increased job site inspections as well as safety training.
	Talk box for all installers and leads, supervisors, et cetera.
	I let the employees know that I am looking out for Them.
	My job is to make sure they're doing their job within the NRG safety code of conduct policy, and I'm there for the employees.
	The bottom line is that all the fields crew are going home safe to their families at the end of the shift.
	Like, hire me, your employees won't die.
	Joe, that's implied.
	It's implied that no one will die if we hire you.
	That's the deal.
	There's also some, it's eight pages, his resume, and I couldn't find it for the life of me.
	But there's something in his resume about him doing mouth-to-mouth on a cat.
	Oh, I remember.
	I think we might have read that on the fucking.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Jammed up, J-A-M-E.
	Call of Duty.
	Wait, that sounds familiar.
	The Call of Duty, the heavy smoke.
	Here we go.
	We've got the cat.
	You got the cat?
	Yeah.
	Oh, I looked all day for this.
	Okay.
	So can you condense it over to that other side?
	I got shit in the way.
	I've received numerous life-saving awards.
	He's never received any awards of any kind ever.
	He claims he went to high school in Scotland.
	Baby Monster and I both spent our childhoods in Glasgow.
	And if there's one thing that's unique about Glasgow, it's their pattern, their silly little words.
	And so we go, Joe, did you pick up any little colloquialisms, any sayings?
	You know, Bampot, Daft is a brush, Akey the New.
	I'll have your guts for garters.
	It's Drik outside.
	It's a braw brech.
	Moonlechnech the Neck.
	Rabbi Burns Knight, ever had Haggis?
	Anyway.
	Parisian is the language of love.
	Scottish is clearly the language of hate.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's my favorite saying.
	It is not difficult to differentiate between a Scotsman in a bad mood and a sunset.
	Received numerous life-saving awards and letters, commendations on various dates from victims and their families, from the city of Rye and the village of Harrison officials and other organizations for going above and beyond the call of duty.
	Made the front page of the Daily Item newspaper on November 9th, 1991 for doing CPR on a cat.
	Exclamation marks.
	I was at Rye Fire Department, volunteer captain with the pornipipe hook and ladder company at the time while searching a private house located in Rye, New York that was on fire.
	I searched the second floor and found an unresponsive feline.
	Wait, can the show be called Unresponsive Feline with Joe Tonelli?
	Oh my God.
	It's a pickup show.
	It's for losers who can't get laid.
	Having trouble with unresponsive felines.
	I broke out a window on the second floor to let the heavy smoke out and brought the feline out onto the roof with heavy smoke and fire around me.
	I removed my air pack so can give the feline air while I was doing CPR.
	Did the cat teach you English, Joe?
	After about 10 minutes of CPR, the feline came to and was rushed to the Rai Harrison vet hospital where the feline was in critical but stable condition.
	After about a week or so in the hospital, the feline made off for Wakabawee.
	Oh my God.
	Holy shit.
	So Joe's on the, how did he know all this, right?
	He didn't stay there with the cat, but he called him.
	He's like, hello, veterinary hospital.
	Hey, I'm checking in on feline.
	Oh, my God.
	Imagine the tears when he showed up after that week.
	Oh, the cat.
	And the cat was there, not reacting.
	And he's like, hey, little guy.
	And the cat was like, Joe.
	Is that you?
	Hey, hey.
	And he just held his little paw.
	He goes, it's me, little man.
	God bless you, Joe Tanelli.
	How can I ever pay for that?
	God bless each and every one of you.
	Don't thank me.
	I'll tell you how you can repay me.
	Teach me cat.
	Look up, is it possible to do CPR in a cat?
	Like, how do you make a seal?
	CPR, right?
	That's mouth to mouth.
	Right.
	Oh.
	Cat unconscious.
	I believe you can do the pump-pump thing.
	I've heard of that with like squirrels and stuff.
	I think I've even seen a fireman do it to a thing.
	Cat unconscious, what to do.
	Nothing.
	Who cares?
	Walk away.
	You turn around.
	You turn around and you walk away.
	Then you will need to do CPR.
	And you will be doing Conscious.
	You will not need to do CPR.
	You could.
	So it does exist.
	CPR on cat.
	No.
	Cat CPR exists.
	CPR for the feline patient.
	Drowning kitten, give mouth to mouth.
	Oh, my God.
	There's Joe.
	All right.
	Next call.
	I'm sure the cat survived and did great.
	Let's not jump the cat here.
	Call mom move to America.
	Now this person's been on the line for a while.
	Okay.
	Sir.
	Ma'am.
	Person.
	Hey, what's up, dude?
	There you go.
	Hey, man.
	First of all, fuck Maddie.
	Those football picks were bullshit.
	Second of all, so I guess you probably know in Ontario we got vaccine passports now that just came out like I think yesterday maybe the day before fucking so my old man had has his vaccines and shit and he doesn't know how to work a computer and I printed off this shit for him and he like we got like like into it you know like get your fucking shot like what are you gonna do how's your boy gonna play hockey and I'm like what the fuck do I have to have this flu shot for to for my son to play hockey like what the what the fuck
	know and you know I'm part of the you know friends club and stuff that's another reason I got to get the fuck out of here so yeah that's like somebody's a friends club look at it proud boys oh I see gotcha yeah but yeah I was talking to to your you know your little brother about that shit too like I that has to be a thing that we got to figure out.
	Or, you know, yeah, I want to move to Kentucky or whatever the fuck.
	Because what a lot of New Yorkers are doing is they have the fake cards and you're supposed to have it on the app and be in the database.
	But when you're in a restaurant and people are moving through, they don't have time to go, wait a minute, that's just a card.
	You need to be on the website.
	And I'll tell you what, if they did enforce that, there'd be a crowd over there of brown and black people who weren't on the database but had the card.
	And all the white people who were handy with their iPhonered through and it would look real fucking bad real fast.
	So the problem with any of this vaccine passport shit is it punishes black and brown people, just like the voting laws, right?
	So I don't see how they could ever make it, you need to be on the database.
	And if you don't need to be on the database and you just need a physical card, it's easy to forge.
	Yeah, no, that's your brother was saying he was on the phone with the stupid government for hours to figure out how to get a passport if you were given the vaccine in the States.
	Because it's all like to get your passport in Ontario, you just basically enter your health card and it's just there.
	And right now it's just like either a piece of paper or a screenshot that I sent to my old man that he showed to his buddies or showed to the restaurant where he has beers with his buddies.
	Yeah, this shit can't last.
	I mean, worst case Ontario, you'll have to just fucking show a fake card.
	I highly recommend that.
	Yeah, worst case Ontario.
	That is a call, buddy.
	They will happily lock you up for that shit.
	I mean, I started making a joke one on the computer, like the Excelsior pass.
	I was like, how funny would it be to have like, it's a video that you play and you don't swipe, don't touch the screen after you press play, but it looks like you're swiping through apps.
	Looks like you open up the Excelsior app and it looks like you're scrolling to the barcode thing.
	And then it looks like your phone dies.
	So you're like, oh, shit, my phone just died.
	And they're like, no, it's fine.
	I'll get you in.
	I'm cool.
	And they let you in.
	And then I started looking up some of this shit and it's like very severe.
	And they will happily, I mean, you know.
	Yeah, she had a terrible forgery, though.
	Madam.
	She spelt Pfizer wrong or some shit.
	That was the one in Hawaii.
	This one.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, for federal charges.
	So it's just, you know.
	Yeah, crazy times.
	Crazy times.
	Crazy times.
	I know a guy who was vaccinated, went by the book.
	He goes to get on the New York City database.
	They say you didn't get vaccinated.
	Wow.
	He goes, yeah, I did.
	Like half of these they're doing in a church parking lot.
	Right, right, right.
	What you could do is you get a doctor, hypothetically, that knows you and they just shoot it into the air.
	Yeah, that's what my mobster friends do.
	That's the best way to do it.
	The New York zips.
	Not that we agree with that.
	Did you call them zips?
	The world called them zips at one time.
	No, not chinks or nips.
	I mean Italians.
	You could call them zips.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I'm pretty new to zips, but in the South Bronx, everyone calls Italians zips because they speak fast.
	But the zips I know, like the top, remember we were talking about you have to have a guy?
	The zips with the top guys, they just have a nurse who goes, shoots it into the air.
	Also known as Siggies or Jeeps?
	I think it's my favorite derogatory slur.
	Sorry, nigger.
	They get mad because they're like, what the fuck?
	Yo, what the hell, man?
	Remember me?
	Racists are so racist these days, they don't even say the N-word no more.
	They show up outside your house.
	They've been wasting all that time.
	Yeah, I trust a racist to only focus on whites when he's trying to talk shit.
	It's like we're not worthy of him anymore.
	Now it's zip this and zip that.
	Whatever happened to niggs?
	They show up outside your house with a boom box and just like singing nigger.
	Nigger.
	They're playing screwdriver on a boom box.
	Absolutely they are.
	Oh, this one.
	Wow.
	That would be a fucking funny sketch that will never see the light of day.
	That's correct.
	That would be highbrow humor.
	Black dudes mad at racists for saying zip all the time and abandoning the n-word.
	What about us?
	You're African American.
	I'm not afraid of you guys that much.
	And plus, you get all pissy when we say it.
	Okay, I won't get pissy anymore.
	Nah, it's too late.
	I like zips.
	Zips just sort of go, hey, watch it.
	Later, African American people of color.
	Gentlemen.
	Yo, I don't like that.
	It takes too long.
	Yeah.
	We got Tom.
	Mikey!
	Mikey!
	Dude, you guys don't play that one enough.
	That is true.
	You have hurt me today with the chicken.
	Alright, so, remember a few weeks ago, I know this is ancient Chinese secret by now, but you played a TikTok of a lesbian teacher who had a little puff on her head.
	It was like a dyed puff.
	Yeah.
	The one who had to get her hand tattoos in every shot?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So I worked with her four years ago at a school in Trenton, New Jersey.
	And it's over.
	We were co-workers.
	Wait, pause.
	Pause, pause.
	So this is the one who says, guys, I messed up.
	I misgendered someone today.
	Is that the one?
	She keeps you up in her face.
	Yeah, and she's got trees on her hand, lots of tree tattoos.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I worked with her.
	Holy shit.
	So that was the year Trump got elected.
	And I remember that day of school, I came in and they canceled all the classes and they put us all into the gymnasium.
	And we were just like, what the fuck is going on?
	And they had her come up to the microphone and all the kids are sitting there in the bleachers.
	And she was like, I'm going to make sure they don't deport the Mexicans.
	And I'm going to make sure that there's no bigotry toward all the LGBT students.
	And everyone's clapping and losing their mind.
	And I was like, what is going on here?
	What?
	I remember that.
	Remember they said, I stand after Trump won, like that week, all the teachers were saying, I stand behind my Mexican students.
	I stand behind me, and then they kept going, and it was like handicap students.
	And you're like, wait a minute, the Trump administration is going to be what?
	Rounding up crippled kids?
	Why?
	How?
	Where do they go?
	The death camps?
	Yeah, it was a crazy freaking time, dude.
	She also took really stinky dumps.
	She looked like she stunk.
	Not gonna lie.
	So we're in the teacher's lounge?
	Okay.
	Oh, that's it.
	The stinky dumps.
	Was she in a loving relationship with a lesbian who cared about her and brought her food?
	Yeah, she was actually married to a woman, and I believe it was a pretty good relationship as far as I know.
	And her wife did not look like a lesbian.
	Her wife looked just like a normal, you know, straight.
	Weird.
	Well, fags are weird.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Great gossip.
	You got it.
	Juicy goss.
	I stand behind my disabled students.
	Good.
	Yeah, and that was not an unusual belief.
	This is why I say on this episode that it's not like, well, social assistance, but maybe tough love.
	We're not near there.
	It's lunatic clown world.
	You think that we're going to be rounding up crippled kids?
	Why are we doing that?
	Even if you were the president and you fucking hated cripples, what are you going to do?
	Maybe like have less funding to their various ramps, but you're never, ever going to round up crippled kids.
	What a moronic view of the world.
	And I had friends, Michael Hirshorn of Ish Entertainment, a reality TV producer, did a lot of successful shows, basically put VH1 on the map.
	He said, are you going to, I go, why are you so paranoid about fucking Trump?
	He goes, my dad told me a lot of scary stories about the Holocaust growing up.
	I go, okay.
	So you think that's going to be repeated?
	I have your back if it's repeated.
	And he goes, yeah, you're going to have my back when the Gestapo comes to my house to round up my family?
	That's what he said.
	Then another dude I knew, Peter Cooper, K-U-P-E-R, Jewish, also Jew, cartoonist, he said the exact same thing, verbatim.
	Are you going to have my back when the Gestapo comes to my house to round up me and my family?
	What?
	Where are they?
	Is there gas chambers?
	That's what Trump's doing?
	Like, we're not, this is why it's time for a divorce.
	I mean, my wife and I have had some fights, but every time I'm fighting with a sane person who disagrees with me about something and is upset about something that I've done, she never argues with me that the earth is flat or that there's a secret cabal of stormtroopers coming to abduct crippled children.
	If she did push shit like that, I think I might go, we got to send you to Bellevue or do something because this is not working.
	It's time to split up.
	You lost your mind.
	You're not you anymore.
	That's just it.
	They're not who they said they were anymore.
	They're not half the fucking population.
	They're on a freak float and they drifted out to sea.
	Anyway, folks, that's it for the show.
	Thank you for coming.
	Tomorrow will be a perfectly normal show.
	I'd like to get James O'Keefe on because he's getting banned for his latest scoops, which we will be discussing, where he's got people within the FDA saying, I want to use blow darts.
	I want them to have fucking yellow stars.
	Saying Nazi shit, basically.
	And he's getting shut down for exposing the truth.
	This is what someone actually said.
	This isn't his opinion.
	He's not giving you false information.
	He's giving you recordings.
	Anyway, lots of exciting stuff going on, folks.
	And I'm against divorce.
	I'm pro-marriage.
	Put a ring on it.
	Have kids.
	But as far as the nation goes, that's a totally different scenario.
	And I just can't work with these people anymore.
	They're fucking lunatics.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	Be disrespectful to people or not respectful, disrespectful things.
	I come really, really hard.
	Mike.
	Mikey.
	We don't know why.
	On your free soldier.
	You gotta be proud of your boy.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Everything woke.
	Turns to shit.
	Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird.
	to eat that boo-boo Nothing wrong with that Jesus Christ mister you okay in there?
	I like him too but I don't know if I like him that much What the hell are you talking about?

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