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Aug. 24, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
02:07:10
S04E22 - NO LULLS ONLY LOLS
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Time Text
Everything is wrong.
Me and my baby party.
All day long I'm walking up forgetting my phone.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.
This is me, my baby party.
Come on, I can't get started.
Come on, I can't afford to check it.
I wish I'd come along and run and do it, wreck it.
Everything is wrong.
I've been without you every night.
Thinking about you every time.
Sounds like thunder.
Some stupid guy trying to reach another number.
Since I've been without you, always thinking about you.
Some stupid guy trying to reach another number.
We can't cover.
There he is.
Everything is wrong, that's all you're baby.
I really wanna see you and I don't mean maybe.
I'm doing everything that I belong to you.
I wanna see it, baby.
I don't make a baby.
I'm trying to make it see that I belong to you.
And you belong to me.
I'm gonna make a baby.
I don't make it, baby.
I'm trying to make it feel that I belong to you.
And you belong to me.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
I had to play that.
Whole song, Charlie Watts croaked.
He was 40, 40, 40.
Old Charlie Watts popped his clogs.
Come on, folks.
If you're 80, you had to run like Charlie Watts.
Does anyone feel bad?
Did his kids even cry?
That's every man's goal, is to make it past 75.
He had a wonderful life.
He's a graphic designer and a jazz enthusiast.
Him and his buddies, back before TV, they'd get all these old jazz records and just play them again and again and again.
He wanted to.
That's why he's got a very jazzy sound.
I think that's their first single.
It's a cover of Chuck Berry's Come On.
Way better than Chuck's.
Chuck sort of crammed a bunch of extra words in there.
Chuck Berry's overrated, even though the Rolling Stones worship him.
All those British bands worship all the old blues guys.
But he's got those jazz things, those little...
You know those little shuggish-shuggah-shuggah things?
The brushes?
Sounds like he's using brushes in that.
What a great...
That's my favorite Stone song, even though it's a cover.
Everyone did covers back then.
You know why the Beatles started doing originals?
Because everyone was doing covers, so the band that opened for them would be doing the covers they wanted to do.
And people don't want to hear the same song twice, so they wrote their own.
I think it's the same with the Stones.
Because there's no internet, no TV, so it doesn't really matter if you steal a song.
That's why you have...
Even Led Zeppelin stole a bunch of Burt Jansch riffs.
But I love when rock bands cover old classics.
I wish somebody'd come along and run into it and wreck it.
I'm on.
And the harmonica there with Brian Jones on it, it's like the second vocalist.
What a great jam.
I think that Charlie Watts had a lot to do with the aesthetic look.
He designed a couple of their albums, but he also would design the stage.
And if you look at the early graphic design work, the quality is abnormally high.
Maybe that was just the way it was back in the 60s.
All your favorite Stone songs are from the 60s, by the way.
They didn't really have a hit.
They had like two hits in the late 70s and 80s.
Pull up that link there.
The first one.
1-1.
Remember we decided they had sold their soul to Satan?
Brian.
So they sold their soul to the devil.
That's why they say sympathy for the devil.
The devil killed Brian Jones as part payment.
And now they're going on.
I was...
When I look back, I think I was way too serious about that theory.
Oh, yeah, I remember what it was from.
That it's just a shadow way.
It's just a shadowway.
Oh, yeah, and they killed a child.
It was a child sacrifice.
Yeah, so Satan did a child sacrifice.
What is that song called?
Shattered?
No, it's called Give Me Shelter.
Give me shelter?
So she's screaming rape, murder.
It's just a shout away.
She was the backup vocalist.
They demanded she come in, even though it was 3 in the morning and she was pregnant.
And she lost the baby shortly after.
Now, our theory is that she was so stupid she didn't realize that you probably should not do cocaine when you're pregnant.
And you know there was mountains of Coke going on at a 3 a.m. session.
Go back to the first link.
It'll be on that list.
It's all their hits.
Go down.
No, no, no, way down.
Angie's a good one.
Wait, they didn't put it in?
Nope, nothing for...
I want to see what year Gimme Shelter was.
Well, there's no mention of it in the article.
So, it was definitely coke time.
So I think that's a good theory.
She did some lines.
She had a miscarriage.
But the way the media and her cover it is she gave so much, so much to the song.
1969.
Oh, actually, wait a minute.
That's not such a cokey time.
Anytime's a cokey time, baby.
Especially in Britain.
Oh, fuck.
But wait, they moved here.
My theory just got a gut punch.
Weren't they here already?
Maybe, but where's the black chick doing in London?
Coke is the late 70s at the earliest.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
How about Harrow?
It was probably recorded.
Well, go to the recording.
Out of your Wikipedia.
Where are they now?
They're in London.
No?
Does it say where they were?
I can't read all that shit.
Yeah, Mount Street in London with acoustic guitar.
I've been sitting in the window.
Hold on.
Songs of inspiration.
That's the inspiration.
Okay, the recording features, blah, blah, blah.
Last minute recording session, mixing phase.
They don't say where that was done.
Great murder to Shadowway.
Oh, here we go.
Olympic Studios.
Go down, go down.
In London.
Yep.
Olympic Studios is in Los Angeles.
Song recorded at Olympic Studios February.
The vocals were recorded in Los Angeles at Sunset Records.
That's where the black chick comes in, right?
Oh.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I don't even see Coke in that big of a deal in 69.
What about heroin?
Heroin's always been around, but it's not really great for a late-night session.
So then it was the devil.
And then look at this.
That's not a goat's foot?
Yeah, that's what they're going for, my dear.
Yeah, there's a lot of Satan stuff.
Goathead Soup, that album?
Harlem Shuffle is one of the worst songs ever made.
How is Gimme Shelter not on that list, but Harlem Shuffle is?
Harlem Shuffle puts me in a bad mood.
Mixed Emotions reeks.
Keep going.
Yeah, so let's just update this.
Mixed Emotions, no.
Move it out.
Go back.
Why'd you leave the list?
We're making our own list.
No, Mixed Emotions is out.
Next.
Harlem Shuffle, absolutely not.
Under Curve of the Night, we might be able to talk about.
Yeah, it's a weird one.
Start Me Up as a doi.
I don't think Satisfaction's on this list.
And then they're all good.
Emotional Rescue is good.
Miss You, Reeks.
That's a stupid disco song.
No one can argue with that.
So it's like 74 was when it was coming to an end, really.
And then they've just been milking it ever since.
So see the cool graphic design there?
Wild horses, brown sugar.
That wasn't done by Charlie Watts, but he was in control of it all.
And that's why they've been such a great aesthetic band.
Get off of my cloud.
Remember we were talking about that cover that that band did with, hey, hey, you, you, I want to be your boyfriend.
And we got a letter from a baby monster that said, that's, they didn't deserve that lawsuit.
It's a trope.
It's a thing you do in music.
Hey, hey, you, you, get off of my cloud.
Like a jumping, like a jump rope song or something, right?
Like a nanny, nanny boo-boo.
Something that just has been around forever.
Nanny, nanny, boo-boo?
Yeah, you know, when someone's skipping rope and you're like, nanny, nanny, boo-boo, you are skipping rope.
Ha, ha, ha.
Well, that's hopscotch.
I want to skip rope.
I don't get where we're going with that.
Are you calling me a fag for skipping rope?
He married his, so he stirred the stones when he was 22.
He married his first love around the same time and never wavered.
Never cheated.
They were married like yesterday.
Pull her up.
Look up Charlie Watts, his wife.
Very beautiful lady.
Aged gracefully because she was so loved.
And I have another theory, although my fucking cocaine theory just got swept out to sea.
Looking pretty good, eh?
She's the same age as him.
That's not my cup of tea, but that was the look back then.
Look how well she's aged.
She's in her 80s or 70s.
Very well-dressed man.
Oh, she looks great in that picture.
Yeah, she looks really hot in that one.
He's got tons of kids, grandkids.
What's happening on the right there?
Maybe only as...
How many kids does he have?
Look how beautiful she is in that picture, his wife.
My theory is that Keith and Bill and Ron Wood, Mick, they all have these young wives and just keep going through.
They're all in their fifth or sixth marriage.
They're trying to recreate what Charlie had.
They're jealous of Charlie.
They see that love and they're always just trying to chase the dragon, but not heroin, the dragon of love.
Well, Keith.
then he gets the car, it's a 41 job, not a sit 59, and then the girl likes him.
Also, in music news, the CEO of a liquor company goes to see the Grateful Dead, gets wasted on liquor, and dies.
This is our second day of God doing memes.
Yesterday, a man with a I am black history bludgeoned someone with a hammer, a white person with a hammer.
And today, well, this is slightly older.
We have a liquor CEO.
He's trying to do a backflip at City Field.
And obviously, the floors at City Field are very far apart because you want to pack a lot of people in.
I couldn't find any footage of it.
I'm not sure I want to.
What's going on with your computer, dude?
Why doesn't your shit work?
There he is.
Ian Crystal got wasted.
That doesn't look good for the liquor company.
Isn't it cool that it's...
I thought this was funny.
Excuse my callous take.
But at the very bottom, there's a guy there who says they saw him splat on the floor below.
And it kind of killed the vibe.
Go to the bottom, obviously, when I say go to the at the bottom.
No, this is like it's towards the end.
Nope.
He was unresponsive.
He hit the ground head first.
There was no way he survived, said the driver.
Dan, who only gave his first name, he was way too drunk.
You could smell it.
His brother came downstairs.
His brother was with him crying.
A fan told the post, I heard people going, ah, and see people running.
I said, bro, someone took a fucking header.
Police taped off an area next to the right field entrance after the incident.
We see something fall, and we heard him hit the ground, said Sean Egan, 27 is one level up.
It's terrible, Egan said.
I wish I didn't see it happening.
It kind of killed the mood.
Aw, you wrecked Sean's concert there, liquor CEO.
It kind of killed the him.
Selfish man.
Doesn't that sound very Canadian?
Which part?
Someone took a fucking header.
Oh, yeah.
And how do you have a name for someone backflipping off a giant...
Right.
Those are called headers?
Yeah.
If you don't die, just call the fucking flipper.
Also in the news, there's a fun new trend, which is blowing up your mom's spot.
This is even better than the milk crate challenge, which people are now winning.
You know how you win in the milk crate challenge?
You bend your knees.
Yeah, I figured that.
You lower your center of gravity, you let your legs become wobbly.
You leave some room.
If you're stiff, you get wobble city.
Some woman did it in high-heel shoes.
And you know the shooting we saw yesterday?
Yeah.
Three people were killed.
Three dead.
Including the girl filming.
Wow.
I doubt the guy had gang beef.
So he was just like, oh, this milk crate shit again.
Fuck you.
That's like Louis C.K. He said, if murder was legal, people would just be like, fuck you, Barb.
And it is legal in the hood because cops can't go there because you don't want them to.
So guys are just like, nah, that's boring.
Shut up, Janet.
You know what I was thinking the other day?
And this never occurred to me?
I'm embarrassed.
It never did.
There must have been a lot of guys in World War II, Vietnam, who just sort of went, pew.
Yeah.
Like, I know there was the suicide.
You're stranded.
You're starving.
The enemy's over there.
You don't want to be taken by the enemy.
You kill yourself.
I know those existed.
But there must have been some guys who just couldn't handle it.
Like, you're talking to a dude in World War II and you go, okay, we have to get through this.
There's Germans up there and up there.
They already shot two French soldiers.
But I think if we flank it on this side, we might be able to live.
And then if we can get to the force, we could run.
And as he's explaining, the other guy just goes, yeah.
I don't do this anymore.
Or some people would do that if they feared getting captured and tortured.
I just explained that I'm not talking about that.
Are you watching the show?
But also, let's think about them.
I just said I'm not talking about this case.
Then I said my case, and then you said, but there's also, and then explain my first case.
Oops.
Shut up.
Well, you're going to have to, sometimes if I'm looking up awesome things.
Then shut up.
Just shut up.
So just take no chances.
Correct.
Just in case good stuff comes up.
Okay.
And you're talking to someone who's seven times smarter than you.
I'm obviously going to cover that.
Fuck.
No, I'm talking about a whole new concept where it's been three years.
You got trench foot.
You're sick of being hungry.
You're sick of the nightmares.
And you just amongst everyone.
No particular reason.
I mean, it's not like you were even alone.
You just went, you're just walking by someone in a trench and you just see them and they just go, can't do it anymore.
A buddy of mine had a funeral the other day.
Not a buddy.
A buddy's big brother had a funeral the other day and I'm so old.
Those are Vietnam vets now.
And I always wanted to meet him because I heard he loved it there.
Never should have come home.
He should have stayed there.
He married a Chinese broad.
They were all crying at the funeral because the checks stopped.
All his Chinese wife's family was all bawling their eyes out.
I think it's because the money is just dried up.
But yeah, he would fucking party there, telling people what to do.
He always had a bottle of Jim Beam in his hand.
There was this thing they would do.
They stick the dicks through a fence and they'd get blowjobs.
But what the girls would do is they'd bite down on it and then they'd reach around and empty your pockets.
So he found out about that.
So what he did is he mowed about a square mile of the jungle behind that fence.
And he said to the guys, anyone runs, shoot them.
So if any prostitutes do a Dining dash, you just kill them.
Damn!
He was just murdering people, getting wasted.
And I go, I've always wondered if there was at least one guy who looked back at the War of Vietnam and went, that was fucking fun.
By the way, I don't have the sex cult chick anymore.
Well, not this week.
So I'm going to get an Afghan vet.
But yeah, some people loved it.
And I said, I guess he just wanted to go kill people.
And he finally got a chance.
He goes, oh, he killed a lot of people here in New York.
So this would be the 60s in New York.
Homeboys get nightlike.
She's got such a weird, like, Barbie face, like a Bambi face.
You know what I mean?
It's so cutesy.
It's almost like when you see those freak men gay guys who've had 7,000 surgeries.
That's what they're trying to do, I think.
Oh my God, imagine what an idiot she is.
So let's check out this fun new trend, better than the Milk Crate Challenge.
It's called Blowing Up My Mom's Spot.
This is 1.5.
Hello.
My name is Jeremonte Cole.
This is my mom, Antonia.
I'm applying for the scholarship, and they told me that I should make a video with someone who I look up to.
And I decided to use my mom because she's been through so much.
She comes from the hard streets of Gary, Indiana.
She had an addiction with cracks.
Bitch, you gotta be so fucked up.
She had an addiction with cracks.
I ain't got no addiction to shit.
Well, you're gonna fucking lie.
And you're gay and you suck it.
So what the fuck?
Oh, my God.
Instant jump to violence?
Is it genetic or is this?
Is this how they're raised?
Whoa, I just had another theory.
So most black families are fatherless, 75%, and in the hood, it's probably more like 90%, right?
So the problem with a female as both mom and dad is she lacks authority.
And so she uses hitting and swatting to sort of give urgency to what she says because she can't say, wait till your father gets home because he's not coming home.
And then that propagates a mentality where you go like that when you're trying to make a point.
And the next thing you know, physical violence is an integral part of your vocabulary.
So it's possible that the trouble with crime and violence in the black community is the result of single moms.
But wait, don't worry, they're not in trouble.
That's the result of welfare.
That's the result of the Dems.
So it's quite possible that the left is responsible for violence and crime in the black community by shattering the black family with welfare and developing this hit, hit, hit thing.
And they kill 20 a day.
Blacks are killed by blacks to the tune of 20 a day.
So the DNC, while constantly griping about racism, is murdering 10 black men a day.
I'm 20 black men a day.
That's true.
That might be the clip of the day.
Let's watch the other spot blowing up.
I feel, well, my mom is inspiring because she used to be a prostitute.
There used to be days where I'm hospital too.
Where my mom didn't come home and I've been home every motherfucking night.
What the fuck you mean?
Bitch, and when I saw her pushing, it was to take her you, motherfucker.
What the fuck you mean?
I was a selective hoe.
Not a freak, motherfucking hoe.
I wasn't no choke on my hoe.
I was a motherfucking body hoe.
They both pushed it by the pound and only weighed a hundred.
You feel me?
You feel me?
Mama, this is $50 out of this.
I'll edit it up.
I got to edit all this stuff now.
Why would you lie on me?
I got to tell the truth.
I'm sorry.
You're telling the truth.
You know, you hit the truth.
Okay, so Lee Lee.
Oh, my goodness.
Mama, okay.
How many motherfucking men have you ever known me to bring up 50?
You motherfucking dick lies.
See?
Wow.
The second she says 50, mom goes straight into violence.
That's why the Proud Boys exist.
So it's funny how these little butterflies can flap their wings across the world.
But Anthony took a picture of a tranny.
She immediately went to hitting him exactly like that.
He said, what is it with blacks where they go straight to hitting?
He got fired, started a network.
I joined, met a virgin named Rat, tried to get him laid.
That became the Proud Boys.
There she is.
She started the Proud Boys.
It, actually.
They, Z, me and a redhead Jew.
The co-founder of the Proud Boys, black woman and NYC and redhead Jew.
Amazing.
There's a good video by Candace out that you should check out on Prager U. Although it's lifted almost completely from Pat Buchanan's Death of the West, where she basically says, slavery has always been around.
It goes back throughout history.
Blacks were just one group that were used, whites, Irish, Slavs.
And they're still trading in slaves today.
This is from the page of Death of the West that we read at Proud Boys' meetings.
And she says, Oh, here, turn that up.
That's a good part.
When the intrepid explorer landed in the Bahamas, the native Taino tribe hoped that he would help them defeat their aggressive neighbors, the Caribs.
The Caribs enslaved the Taino and, on occasion, served them for dinner.
Slavery existed in Africa, Asia, and the Middle East.
The word slave actually comes from the Slavs of Eastern Europe.
Millions of them, all white by the way, were captured and enslaved by Muslims in the 9th century and later by the Ottoman Turks.
Oh yeah, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to show it to the kids.
Kids.
But at the very end, she talks about the 400,000 who died trying to liberate the slaves in America in the Civil War.
I think the South should be involved in that.
I think it should be the 620,000 men who died in the war to end slavery.
You know what I mean?
Because they're included in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, say a fight broke out between you and I about some girl, because we both wanted her, and then we both die, that woman, two men died for her.
True.
You know what I mean?
That's true.
No matter what side of the aisle you're on, that's true.
And honestly, isn't there something kind of, I don't know, touching about that they're fighting to keep these people?
They died in a fight.
Kind of romantic.
They died in a fight over some...
No, that's a terrible...
I will pull up the detective shitty visual right now.
I will pull it up, but I think it's a beautiful, touching thing where it's like, I want these people bad.
I'm not letting go of these people.
I need them around.
I don't know if you're so dumb, I can't tell what are jokes.
I don't know what jokes...
It's like when they say not the onion.
Right.
You're not the comedian.
This is real or something?
The Kyle Dunnegan show is...
It just gets better every day.
Like this one had Sylvester Stallone at the beginning, which is kind of hack.
And then Joe Biden appears on this particular episode, interrupts it.
Like, they put so much work into it, Sill and Kirp.
Kirp.
It's one of the only shows I can just have on in the background and just, the time just zips by.
It's the only show I know of on the internet, besides maybe Anthony's show and, of course, everything uncensored, where I'm just like, I watch a 45-minute clip or even a 20-minute clip like it's a one-minute clip.
It's just crammed with gold.
And their rapport is so good.
Kirp is so good at being a straight man.
Play some of that.
Do we join the things?
Great party.
We're having David Spade on.
Death to Python tonight.
YouTube's like a bouncer that keeps the riffraff out and the hot chicks in.
Hey, I want to say something to these Delonians and to you, Kirp, but I'm worried it might be something that gets me canceled.
Well, then don't say it.
Why would you do that?
Because I want to say it.
But okay, if it's something that worries you, historically, it's probably something that you don't want to say.
That would be my guess.
But I really want to say it, though, because here's the thing.
I believe with all of my heart that 9-11 never happened.
Your regularly scheduled program to bring you a message from the President of the United States.
Good evening, my fellow American Ferrers.
As you know, millions of African Afghanistans have been taken over by the Tabernacle Aquarium.
Look, look.
America needs a break.
It's time we come together.
It's for the most important plan game show of Earth.
It's a game where we ask the audience one simple question.
What's my talking about?
What's my talking about?
What's my talking about?
Mr. President?
Hey, what are you doing here?
What's my talking about?
All right, folks, it's a family fun game.
What's my talking about?
Let's introduce our contestant, our celebrity contestant, just now.
Celebrity contestant.
We're President Elton and the DJ breasting over a DJ song.
All right, I really like it.
Watch it on your own time.
Why does my face hurt here?
Did I tell you I just pooed my pants?
I saw it.
Yeah.
It wasn't really poo.
It was just yellow bile.
I thought, here we got a toot as I was preparing the show.
And then, you know, when it doesn't make a sound, it doesn't go p and you don't feel a p.
You feel a brww.
And then you got to get up and you're spreading it all over the fucking place.
So the underwear is garbage.
So then I did all the cleaning I could do.
Everything you see is more yellow than this suit.
Blinding.
It's like looking in the sun with maybe a little bit of sand in the middle.
And then I cleaned my buttocks as well as I could.
I'm not wearing underwear right now.
And then guess how I finished up the cleanup job?
Go ahead.
The only thing we have in the studio, bleach wipes.
Very warm.
If your anus is ever freezing, wipe it with a bleach wipe.
And it warms right up.
Does it burn?
Like hurt?
No.
Okay, that's weird.
So I guess that's why they bleach their buttholes, these people.
Yeah, that's another great theory.
I've had like three spellbinding theories this show, and you have had your three worst theories.
What a juxtaposition.
I thought that was a good one.
Here's another interesting thing.
Remember yesterday we were talking about these teachers who are essentially bragging that they brainwash their kids to believe in IMBI and all these other made-up words.
Well, here's a guy bragging that he turned, he politicized a group of 13-year-olds that are just trying to have a fun time at camp and want to appease their camp counselor who seems cool because they're young.
So he takes advantage of that, not by Inspiring them to be greater or to be better versions of themselves, but for them to follow his bullshit politics.
I was a camp counselor for one week and turned an entire cabin of 13-year-olds into leftists.
Here's how.
It started on day one when the kids of their own volition decided to have an election to see who would be president of the cabin.
They had me track the votes anonymously, and I may have broken the tie in favor of the obviously queer kid.
Another kid, who was weirdly obsessed with Russian history, then asked if he could be Mikhail Gorbachev to the cabin, to which I said, I don't think so.
You could be Karl Marx, though.
He was thrilled.
The kids then, somewhat clumsily, started discussing the demerits of their communism.
So one of the kids wants to, what, call himself Gorbachev, who ended the Soviet Union, and he said no to that.
So he's not a fan of Gorbachev for liberating the Soviet Union and essentially ending communism.
I know I still call Russia communist, and it annoys a lot of you baby monsters, but it basically is.
But technically, no.
On paper, no.
What clumsily started discussing the merits of their communist government?
It probably would have ended there, but on day two, the president was sleeping the night before and asked me if I so these kids these kids are trying to have a democratic election to see who's president and he steers them away from that away from freedom and choice and over to a dictatorship you should be fired and what's more is you know cops have a lot of shit to say they can't say it or they know they'll get fired but these people these libs of tick tock they happily they
know they're not going to get fired so they can just spew all this bullshit the night before and asked me if i had anything to read i had exactly one book with me the abcs of socialism this kid read the entire book in one night the next day another kid so wait a minute that means that you let him have mountain dew at 8 p.m and ruined a major part of his camping experience especially if it was a week that's basically two days down the drain
ruling class they actually did quite well under this so the moral of the story is communism is even more elitist than any other system it's a fucking dictatorship you stupid piece of shit like yesterday we had that teacher that was so happy that all her kids were saying fuck Trump and she's a preschool teacher.
It's the bragging though that disturbs me because it's like I've done something really good and I should be proud.
You're proud of me.
You're proud of your boy.
Also in the news as we brainwash children, we're also brainwashing history and digging, we're literally digging up skeletons and saying that they're trans.
Check out this retarded headline.
The inhabitant of a medieval grave in Finland may have been non-binary.
Like, you don't have to read anything else.
What the fuck are you talking about?
You saw kind of a dress on it or something?
Sometimes the complaints will be false.
And then here's my final thing on all the fun stuff before we get heavy.
I saw this video of these cops beating up some teenagers who had stolen a car and then led them on a high-speed chase for, I think, 45 minutes, and they got tuned up at the end.
This is exactly what happened in Vietnam.
With Vietnam, we hadn't seen carnage before on TV.
We'd heard, like, even with World War II, G. Vaucher said to me, she goes, you know, when I was a kid, everyone was jubilant because the war was over.
Everyone was dancing and singing and laughing amid the Queen's Jubilee and everyone was ecstatic.
And then at the same time, we were slowly discovering evidence and seeing leaked pictures of the Holocaust and what happened over there.
So my childhood was this mix of incredibly macabre, scary, horrible stuff as we got more and more information out of World War II, all the people who starved, all the people who were killed.
And then the hubris, the joy of there being no more war.
And that shows up in our art quite a bit.
And then in Vietnam, we're sitting there at home eating dinner and we see the children dying.
We see the babies being starved.
And that happens in all wars.
It's called collateral damage.
Civilians get killed in wars.
But we don't, Vietnam was the first time we saw it.
And now we're seeing a cop's life and we're such pussies that we're mortified.
Cops have always tuned up someone who led them on a high-speed chase.
And what's more, they should.
When you steal a car and you go on a high-speed chase, are you not expecting to get the shit kicked out of you when you get caught?
When I was a kid in school, you got the shit kicked out if you disparaged someone's mother.
Anyway, check out this footage.
It's a private account.
Is this it?
Yep.
What's the account?
I thought you're signed up to all mine.
Jonathan Montana.
Oh, okay.
Hours of footage has been released by the Providence Police Department showing what happened in July when cops detained three teenage suspects.
Several of the 41 videos now available for public viewing shows Officer Domingo Diaz allegedly punching an already restrained juvenile until he is pulled away by a fellow officer.
Moans and crying can be heard on the video.
After he is moved, Diaz Walks back.
Police confirm one of the suspects was taken to the hospital.
Wait, he doesn't spit on him.
He spits on the ground in front of him.
Police confirm one of the suspects was taken to the hospital that night.
The crowd that gathered around the arresting is heard asking the Providence police to stop.
Yeah, of course they are.
They don't understand.
Though dozens of cops are seen in the video, two police officers, Domingo Diaz and Mitchell Voyer, have been suspended with pay pending in the middle of the middle.
If I've led the cops on a 45-minute chase, I go, and they finally caught me.
I go, I am about to get the living shit kicked out of me.
Like Maddie got in a fight with a cop and won.
They threw him into the station.
They handcuffed him to a chair.
And just as someone would walk by, like they're on their way to go put on a C4 for him, they just stop in and just drill him a few times.
And he was like, I had it coming.
I fought a cop.
That's the deal.
No charges.
You can have an aneurysm on a toilet.
You never do.
Let's see the comments on that, though.
Because there's 27,000 thumbs up.
Does that mean we're happy that you showed this or they deserve to get their ass kicked?
Paid vacation.
Suspended with pay.
Okay.
Teen criminals learn their lesson to not steal cars.
Tons of kids steal cars.
Cops don't punch them.
That's why I'm irritated.
Wait, go up a bit?
It wasn't done.
Irritated about this channel's coverage is they provided no context.
They literally have a felons.
They literally have felonies with an apostrophe already.
They deserve what they got.
Horrible kids.
Look at that grammar.
Felonies, what?
YouTube comments are some of the lowest IQ comments in the entire internet world.
I'm sure they ignored cops for an hour or so on pursuit.
I do not need my cyclone being stolen, so please should do that to every thieves.
You want to point another person?
So you're stealing cars.
Don't worry, he'll be fired.
Wait, go up a bit?
He'll be fired and probably charged criminally.
Yeah, that's terrible.
Please look at all the videos.
These teens committed multiple crimes and then led multiple police on a chase, resulting in them even fighting officers when they got out of the vehicle.
This video, this video is a video that does not show all of what the other videos show.
Even the people with their heads screwed on correctly can't speak the fucking language.
The news outlet just picked this one because it looks better for the narrative.
Did you finish that book you were reading about the history of the universe?
History of the world, yeah.
You'd finished it?
Yeah, I'm thinking about going over it again because it's fucking hard to remember all that shit.
No, don't reread books.
Read another book.
Yeah, I was thinking about the Middle East.
I've always been kind of bored about, but they made it seem really cool.
I think I want to borrow that book for my son.
So what does it do?
It starts with like cavemen and then goes to now?
Yeah.
Well, not cavemen, but very, very early BC.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I want him to know the difference between Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun.
Yeah, they're fascinating people.
The Ottoman Empire, all that stuff.
Yeah.
It's really well written for that.
Okay, last bit of fluff.
There's these guys called movie bros, and they watched Spaceballs.
You know, we watch movies.
I watched Fast and Furious 9 last night.
And I felt like I was cheating on you, baby monsters, because it's so good.
But I thought, can I just have some time to myself, please?
We're not recording it, and I'm trying to be on.
But I did end up doing a lot of commentary just alone.
It is so unbelievable that the characters in the film go, this movie's retarded.
Like at one point, Tyrone, what's his name?
Tyrese, the gorgeous hunk.
He goes up to Ludacris and he's like, don't you think it's kind of weird how we've never been killed?
And he goes, all of these different adventures, all of these different car wrecks and stuff, we've never, we've survived them all.
It doesn't make sense.
And I'm watching going, yeah, I know.
You're in a shitty movie.
And then Ludacris goes, yeah, right.
And then Ludacris throws his jacket at Tyrese's face.
He goes, get back in there.
Go back to that thing you were doing.
Which I think was like, I think it was the writer who was like, this is getting more and retarded every year.
Can anyone hear me?
I'm stuck in this script.
And there was a lot of that.
There was a lot of people questioning the world around them.
Like at one point, Charlize Therone, why you're not looking up this trailer, I have no idea.
What are you doing?
Are we hitting the green screen?
Yes, after this.
Okay.
I'm prepping for that.
Okay.
Okay.
Charlize Therone is being held hostage.
She's, I don't know what the fuck's going on.
You lose interest, by the way, because it's so ridiculous.
You don't know who the good guys or the bad guys are.
And she goes, is this the part of the movie where you explain your maniacal plan to me?
In other words, this is a cliche.
Oh, and then she also goes, if this was a movie.
She says, if this was a movie in a movie, it is a movie.
And then she goes, you'd be the super.
And he goes, no, I'm the hero if this was a movie.
I'd be Luke Skywalker.
And she goes, no, you'd be Yoda.
And he goes, yeah, okay.
He was still a powerful Jedi.
And she goes, no, he was a puppet with a man's hand up his ass.
That was actually kind of witty.
But, oh, this scene was unbelievable.
They decide they're being chased by the army, so they drive through a minefield so fast.
Oh, he catches her.
That they don't explode, but everyone else does.
John Cena is Vin Diesel's brother.
I don't know how that works.
They haven't spoken to each other in a very long time due to a misunderstanding about their dad dying in a car wreck.
This scene, he shoots an arrow.
What does the arrow stick into?
It's nothing but cement in downtown London.
Is it just a very sticky thing?
High performance driver.
Oh, my God.
At one scene, they're driving.
They're driving a boat over a...
Sorry, a car over a rope bridge.
The base of the rope bridge breaks.
Okay.
That means the car falls.
No, the car goes so fast that it goes up the falling rope bridge.
And you're like, so physics doesn't exist?
That scene was good.
Lots of that, just jumping and hoping they land on a truck.
Physics does not exist in this world.
And there's so many double-crossing good guy, bad guys, that you just, you get confused.
You stop caring.
There's also way too many characters.
Oh, another scene.
Tyrese, he manages to avoid this landmine, but then the car that he just got out of falls on it, goes through the air, and lands on him.
He's dead.
Crushed him.
Then you know how they get away from that?
He walks out.
He's fine.
What?
I just saw a car land on you.
No, it kind of landed in front of me?
No, it didn't.
It landed on you.
No, it didn't.
Okay.
Oh, and when people are fighting on top of cars, there's nothing...
They stand on top of moving trucks like the trucks aren't moving.
That's the scene I was telling you about.
There's still one little strand left, one cable of the bridge.
Vin Diesel drives.
His car has hands.
It has these little things that hold on to the rope.
And now it's swinging the same way Tarzan would.
And it lands safely on the other side.
Wait, you just showed that.
Are they showing...
Is this the same trailer?
Oh, you're rewinding it.
Slow-moing for the bridge.
Look at that idiocy.
I mean, it was Nickelodeon levels.
Anyway, I thought these guys are pretty cool.
They watch Spaceballs, and I thought it would be cool to watch them watch Spaceballs.
Because they're very didactic.
Okay, I thought this would be fun.
These are two sort of YouTuber comedian guys, Star Wars experts.
They know everything but Star Wars, and they have a new channel.
So it's a merging of two popular, very popular guys with the kids today.
The Millennials love these guys.
They're Star Wars experts.
They're nerds.
They're gamers.
They love playing Super Mario Kart, which my youngest boy, he's nine now.
He doesn't play that much anymore, but he did a lot when he was six.
And they've decided it'd be funny to watch Space Balls and comment on it.
And I thought it'd be fun for us to watch them watch Space Balls.
And we could all just have sort of a fun watching comedy party.
So let's start it.
I'm kind of in one of those ways.
Maybe I'll go over here.
Are you going to shrink me?
There were a few in chat who were around when this was released.
Pretty sweet.
That smell, yeah.
Yeah, true.
This movie is like a scary movie, but yeah.
Open it before you eat it.
Funny part.
Oh, I wish they did that.
Should have done it with the sequels.
Yeah.
Now.
Look, he kind of has pussy lips.
And this guy's a pussy.
And then he has a butthole.
It kind of looks like a woman's genitals, that whole area.
Taint.
Except one of them's facing the wrong way.
This hair was in his face a little bit.
Hair was bothering him.
It wasn't in his face.
That was a really funny part.
That's the hardest he's laughing this whole time.
Another funny part.
Since you put the motorcycle in the green room, I feel woozy every time I do a green screen because I'm inhaling gas.
There's no gas on the ground, though.
Seems like the pussy lasts a lot more than the pussy lips guy.
What's he got there?
Oh, I thought he was drinking beer.
That's San Pellegrino.
This movie's like Deadpool before Deadpool, man.
I know, right?
Breaking the fourth wall.
There's finally a comment.
Okay, that was fun.
Unbelievable.
I mean, when we do movie watching, first we make it look weird and cool, where we project the movie onto us.
That also gets us around copyright.
But secondly, I make sure there's no lulls.
And I don't mean LOLs or L-U-L-L-Zs.
They're all lulz and we're all lulls.
All lulls.
No lulls.
That's another shirt.
That's maybe the title of this show.
That's fucking great.
Like, I feel...
That's kind of why I didn't record myself watching F9 because I didn't feel like being on.
But I make sure that the only time we talk, I mean, the only time we don't talk is when it would ruin the plot and be really confusing.
Like someone's saying, we have to get over there because they're on fire.
You don't talk for that.
But otherwise, it's not the movie.
If people want to watch the movie alone, anyway, I don't have to explain to you why that was fucking retarded.
Like in this one, there's a full-running theme of is Spielberg a pedophile?
And we go through each scene and say, this could maybe be...
Yes.
Long-form narrative.
So you can watch E.T. as E.T., or you can watch it as an example of pedophilia.
Two totally different experiences.
Those shitheads are just sitting there.
And it pains me to think that young people today just have that in the corner of their screen.
I mean, I've heard of my daughter watching movies on Zoom with like 10 other people.
That's different, though.
Those are your friends.
You can talk about it with them later.
And there's a pandemic going on where you're not allowed to go outside.
But that shit?
Who the fuck are these guys?
I hate them.
I hate them.
Who the fuck?
Let me see them.
What's their channel?
Is there more on their channel like that?
Let's see.
Movie Bros.
Movie Bros.
So they specialize in this.
This is their specialty.
Oh, look, yeah, yeah.
There's both of them.
Oh, my God.
Is this a brand new channel?
Yeah, I think they're both Star Wars buffs or something.
I'm Josh, and I'm Theory.
Welcome to the Movie Bros.
Theory?
Theory?
Hey, I have Theory, and I'm a fucking loser.
We'll be watching movies you vote for every week and filter.
So be sure to comment below right now on which movie you want us to start off first.
We've got big plans for this channel, and we hope to engage with you on all of our favorite movies and maybe some weird movies.
I'm Nick Kroll's brother, who's more athletic than funny.
In the future.
So please comment below.
Oh man, it's sticking a stick in my chin.
He has like a puckered anus on his face.
It's crazy.
It's a little donut.
Dude, grow a beard.
See?
And then we can talk about It make sure to like and subscribe.
So he's got YouTube plaques on his wall, so that means he must be some sort of hot shit.
Guys, if this was your venture where you're merging two big YouTubers together, you have failed.
You're a failure.
All right, let's get back to what counts.
Afghanistan is going really well.
Things seem to be...
Joe Biden has said that things are going smooth over there, and I think he's right.
Go to 2-7.
Sorry to laugh at murder.
They're celebrating with fireworks?
What's happening here?
Yeah, that's it.
Everyone is petrified of fireworks there.
They're not used to this kind of joyous celebration.
Notice it's all women and children in the trenches and men fighting to get on planes.
They're not a civilized society.
They're not a society.
They're a collection of nomads.
And then this, I saw this story, 28.
This story is interesting for two reasons.
One, if you want to fuck the Taliban, you're in luck because they love dead women.
What's the header there?
Taliban rape gangs having sex with dead bodies after going door to door for sex slaves.
Reveals someone who fled Afghanistan.
Now, it would be hypocritical of us to judge people, to judge them for this, because we did this exact same shit 150,000 years ago.
They're just a little bit behind.
In fact, I get nostalgic when I see the Taliban because it reminds me of when I was a cave-dwelling nomad who had sex slaves and murdered gays and thought everyone was a witch.
But here's the second most interesting part about that article.
I'm scrolling down, right?
Go to the bottom of it.
I hope it's still there.
Go to the bottom of it.
Yeah.
There's our rape fantasy chick.
She's getting deeper and deeper into Taliban territory, confronting them more and more often.
Is it for her career, or is there something more macabre?
Is there something more masochistic?
Turn it up.
Brian, what are you doing?
Stop.
Go back to the beginning and just play it normal.
The fighter takes safety off his AK-47 and pushes through the crowd.
You can see that some of these Taliban fighters, they're just hopped up on a dream.
I don't know what.
It's a very dicey situation.
Suddenly, two other Taliban charge towards us.
You can see their rifle butt raised to strike.
So they're mad at her for not having a face covering, which we know.
That's been made very clear.
Women are garbage there.
You cannot show your face.
It's the equivalent of flashing the gash over there.
Yet she does it anyway.
And instead of saying these animals are out there murdering people with women and children in ditches, she goes there hopped up on adrenaline?
This is a weird, weird white trait.
And because it's theory day, one of them could be that we've destroyed masculinity.
We've called it toxic.
So these women look for it elsewhere.
And they want to get...
It started out with like, I want to get choke fucked.
And then it became so depraved.
This is just a theory.
That maybe now it's like, I don't care if you murder me.
I want to be abused.
I could be such a martyr if I was a sex slave.
What if they took me to a cave and beat me and raped me for three weeks?
I'd be famous forever.
I'd be the top journalist in her field.
She missed out.
And she became a meme at the beginning.
Maybe that's part of it.
Clarissa Ward.
Clarissa Ward.
Two S's.
What a lunatic.
Like, what are you doing?
We don't need your reporting, my dear.
You need to get home.
Does she have kids?
Imagine she has kids back in America and a husband.
She doesn't sound too pumped.
On our flight, waiting ready for takeoff.
Oh, wait, she's back.
She's back.
Phewf.
Wait, click on her name?
If she says, like, mother of three.
Eh.
Well, they got her out, thank God.
She sure didn't make it easy for them.
I'm going to go poke the dragon again.
I'm going to go kick a tiger and see what happens.
2-9, we learn that they're not an enemy.
Remember the British general telling us that they're just a bunch of country boys?
And then Joe Biden wants to add to that.
In Afghanistan, do you believe the Taliban have changed?
No.
I think, let me put it this way.
I think they're going through a sort of an existential crisis about do they want to be recognized by the international community as being a legitimate government?
I'm not sure they do.
But look, they care about their beliefs.
First of all, that fucking Silence of the Lamb smile is the most distracting thing I've ever seen.
Tucker uses it all the time as a backdrop.
Has he had plastic surgery or something?
He used to do a side smile, remember?
Yeah.
That's the one that Kyle Dunnegan does.
But now he's got this weird like across the whole face.
It's Jack, as our buddy said, it's Jack Nicholson in Joker.
Oh my God.
And secondly, whenever anyone talks about the Taliban, just think MS-13.
I'm actually being kind of nice to MS-13 when I say that.
But this idea of MS-13 having an existential crisis on how they're going to be perceived in the world is raging horse shit.
The fuck are you talking about?
They don't give a fuck about anything.
All they care about is the Quran.
That's it.
The Quran and getting more guns to enforce the Quran.
They are Muslim extremists, dummy.
And they hate the West.
Did you see what they said?
They said everyone has to be out by the end of August.
And so Biden sends the head of the CIA to go talk to the Taliban.
I don't even know how you do that safely.
And he says, please, I think it would mean a lot to us and our relationship if you could just go past the end of August, maybe into September, maybe September 11th.
And the Taliban guy goes, fuck you.
Obviously.
Like, they know there's never going to be any trade between America and the Taliban.
They saw Cuba, so they just rightfully think, fuck America.
Well, I shouldn't say rightfully, but you know what I mean?
Like, there's going to be no relationship there.
And the whole idea of how they're perceived on the world stage, FTW is the Taliban's motto.
Good luck with that, you fucking dork.
But let's finish Biden's discussion on these existentialists.
Well, they do.
But they also care about whether they have food to eat, whether they have an income that can make any money and run an economy.
They care about whether or not they can hold together the society that they, in fact, say they care so much about.
I'm not counting on any of that.
But that is part of what I think is going on right now in terms of, I'm not sure I would have predicted, George, nor would you or anyone else, that when we decided to leave, that they'd provide safe passage for Americans to get out.
What happens now in Afghanistan?
Look, Joe, let me explain something to you.
The only reason they're not just murdering everyone now is because they know that you'll kill them.
But they're willing to die.
So if you want to, and they know that your ultimatums are bullshit.
So they're going to say the end of August, and then it's on.
And you've already shown that you're a pussy and you can't negotiate, and your word means nothing.
So pathetic.
As my father would say, pathetic.
Wait, there's another Joe there?
Let's see 3-1.
He's saying something even stupider?
Or is that the same clip?
What's 3-1?
Yeah, that's the same one.
And then I saw this.
This is kind of old, but Ape account on Twitter is having better luck talking to the Taliban.
Twitter frog account successfully negotiates with Taliban to secure safety of Spanish diplomats after government fails.
Frog Avatar account was something the Spanish was unable to do using open communication.
So I guess they got a translator or something?
Like a translating app?
And just worked with the Taliban.
And then finally, they're giving the U.S. ultimatums 3-3.
Taliban warned failure to withdraw U.S. forces by red line date will provoke a reaction.
Or what is your thought process on extending the evacuation operation?
There's discussions going on among us and the military about extending.
Our hope is we will not have to extend, but there are going to be discussions, I suspect, on how far along we are in the process.
That was fun.
Let's go to the meandering.
We've got meandering background, right?
Yes.
So here's a crazy thing going on.
Enrique Tario just got five months, right?
Why does my face hurt here?
He got five months for burning a Black Lives Matter flag.
Now, they also say he had high-capacity magazines.
I don't think that was in the charges.
I'm not sure that's been dealt with yet.
This trial that just happened was he, and I don't think he did it, but he took the blame for the guys who ripped the BLM flag off and burned it.
Just to be clear, it's been almost two years of BLM and Antifa destroying statues, burning cities down, burning umpteen American flags, burning churches, burning churches.
And I'm talking about the old church a while ago, but then there's also the Canadian Antifa burning all the churches across Winnipeg and Edmonton and all that.
Zero charges.
Like, the cops have stood there and watched Antifa burn the American flag, burn Blue Lives Matter flag.
But then he gets five months for burning a BLM flag.
Is that even a crime?
I guess the crime is theft if you took a flag off a building, but then burning it, it's not illegal in this country.
Five months is insane.
And the less take is five months.
That's nothing.
He must have snitched.
How long should it be?
Roger Stone is cleared, thank God.
How, like, the whole thing about America is it's free speech and you can burn flags.
I don't, I hate seeing the American flag burned.
I'll fucking fight someone if it happens within my eyesight.
But to go to jail for burning a BLM flag, black privilege.
And this is kind of old.
I got a lot of cleanup shit here from other things.
The meandering.
Charges are dropped.
Time to sue.
Oh, wait, that's different.
Are you at 3-4?
No, that's 3-5.
Yeah, this one's 3-4.
Yeah, so that's 3-4.
And so the point is that we've discussed this already, right?
The FBI has found no evidence there's collusion.
Sorry, that's ancient news.
No, this one was more interesting.
Every time you see that there is a bona fide hate group, I mean, they want Proud Boys to be, they want the insurrection to be, they called it white supremacy because some asshole had a sweatshirt, another moron had a flag.
But then you go, there are real ones like Adam Woffen, who are like Holocaust denying Nazis, swastikas, the whole deal.
Then you look them up and you find it's three disgruntled college students.
Then you look deeper and inevitably it's a Fed operation.
I saw this when I was a kid in Canada Where they built a big, huge Nazi skinhead scene from scratch in an attempt to entrap skinheads.
But they ended up creating Nazi skinheads.
And that's what they do here.
They say, we should go kidnap the governor.
We should go blow something up.
A few guys say yes.
They catch them.
It's entrapment.
It's illegal.
It's like to catch a predator on steroids.
You get some 13-year-old saying, I come from getting fucked in the ass.
And you put that on the internet.
Eventually, there's going to be some horny virgin moron who's 25 and it has a low IQ.
He's going to be like, this is a freak.
I want to go get it.
It's like having a Lamborghini in Harlem with the keys in it.
Not that I consider a slutty 13-year-old as valuable as a sports car.
It's a freak thing.
I come really, really hard.
Do you just say I come really, really hard?
Yes.
Go back.
Show me that again.
I come really, really hard.
Always saying I come correct.
So the bad guys are the good guys.
The proud boys are the good guys.
And the bad guys that they show you are fake.
And the good guys, according to the left, are fucking lunatic, violent shitheads attacking people.
Go to 4-3.
Here's a woman explaining this much better than I just did.
I'm still fucked up from that Spaceballs incident.
White supremacy is not the problem.
Proud boys were not the problem.
They blinked out Proud Boys, by the way.
Why?
You know that?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Is that a coincidence?
White supremacy is not the problem.
Proud boys were not the problem.
And she but Black Block are the ones who threw phones, mortars, and pepper spray at me and my children.
My baby girl, eight years old, nearly was hit in the face with an explosive by white people dressed up in all black, attacking me and my family.
And it's not the proud boy.
And you, the city of Portland, and everybody who supports them needs to know this.
My black children were almost hit with bombs and mortars.
My nine-year-old son was drenched in pepper gas.
Thrown by Aunt Tifa.
Boy and black lives matter to you.
You better back that.
He's deaf.
He's deaf, Jean.
They did the problem.
He's deaf chief.
Yes, they are part of the problem.
Yes, they are part of the problem.
But you know what?
You, you, you, and you are the problem.
Every single local news station denied my story.
You rejected it in favor of one man with an airsoft gun.
No prouds were present that day.
The event hadn't even started yet.
We were shaking hands, saying our things, smiling at each other, having fun.
And Black Log and Tifa marched in screaming, chanting, hail Satan, and screaming, where's your gun now?
Okay, it's on video.
And you are probably there.
I may have been.
Did you hear it?
I may have been.
That is the problem in this city.
They beat and terrorize an Asian gay man who still has to fear for his life.
He still hides from them.
They still threaten his life.
A gay Asian man.
Stop Asian hate.
Stop black hate.
Were invented because Antifa was the one who was terrorizing us.
They bleeped Proud Boys twice, but not three times.
Right.
Yeah, I found that odd.
This incompetence.
Well, that brings us to an Antifa segment.
Let's do the Antifa intro.
No chance.
You've never experienced that like an Europire Party.
Fuck your dad.
So remember the Mumford and Sons guy?
He got red-pilled by Jordan Peterson, and then he started getting into Andy No.
And he's still a moderate.
I'd even call him a liberal.
But he just wants free speech, and he's wary of the radical left.
And because of that, Mumford and Sons were about to be canceled.
So he jumped ship and drowned himself.
And now they have a different guy playing whatever he played, the little banjo.
And now he's free to talk.
He said, I don't want to drag the band down, so I'm going to leave the band.
And then I can just talk freely and not worry about censorship.
And of course, the left took that as, imagine wanting to talk shit.
No, imagine hating...
Imagine loving fascism so much that you quit your band so you can attack Andy No.
They manipulate the language, which is what this interview does.
Time-coded for a reason, right?
Yep.
Clearly, it's a totemic and a divisive issue.
And I think if a lot of people look at it in low depth, it's like and they don't understand what the far-left extremism that's going on.
They might think, well, why would you criticize it?
Or, you know, fascism's bad, so Antifa must be good, rather than seeing the fascistic behavior of far-left groups.
And then there was other people then assuming that if I was critical of the far left, then I must be pro-the far right.
Obviously, I absolutely, unequivocally condemn the far-right.
Well, there's this meme out there that, like, Antifa either doesn't exist or is genuinely a force for fighting fascism rather than its own kind of Extremism.
Well, that's how I got that impression anyway from that.
I see that a bit.
Perhaps you have a sense of that in America.
I haven't seen that meme specifically, but is that a specific meme?
It's not an image, but it's a trope, right?
Like when people will post often, trying to defend Antifa, you know, images of American soldiers storming the beaches of Normandy and say, this is Antifa.
This is what anti-fascism is.
Chris Cuomo disappeared.
And it's so clearly a word game where the group, the modern group that calls itself Antifa, is actually about something different than fighting the Nazis in World War II.
That's all I mean.
Well, and actually that wordplay stuff is incredibly effective on Twitter.
If it's Antifa, if it's in Britain, we've got it, Don't Fund Hate, which is trying to take down TB news.
And it's like, actually, there's older examples.
Rereading Václav Havel recently, and he talks about the putting a slogan up in the shop window, Workers of the World University.
Who would disagree with Workers of the World Unite?
And you have another example of the North Korea, the People's Democratic Republic, whatever it's called, of North Korea.
It can be absolutely absurd.
I mean, the Bolsheviks and Mensheviks is another thing.
The Bolsheviks weren't the majority.
They were the minority, but they dominated with the language.
And it's very effective.
See, that's huge right there.
Stop.
So, first of all, there's two things going on here.
One is that the communist radical left, they've always been about controlling the language, changing the words.
This goes way back.
Look at pro-choice, the name Antifa itself.
And that's gone from just a few radicals manipulating nouns to manipulating entire narratives.
And I think it goes back to the Bolsheviks.
They lied.
They said, we are the majority, yet we're not being represented.
And they were lying.
They were the minority, and they took over.
And these shrill lunatics on the far left, they have very weird views.
They believe that we all believe in the one-drop theory, for example.
And they enforce that weird rule.
So the American conversation, with this obsession with race, for example, is dominated by a few radical freaks.
And we see them, they're liberal TikToks.
We see them as teachers talking about all this mix.
Like, think about how many Americans don't use miss or mr. They use mix, MX.
Probably like seven.
Yet we keep hearing about these pronouns all the fucking time.
No one in the real world does it.
But by manipulating the language and changing the narrative, you can make yourself look more important.
And who wants to look more important?
The insignificant, the irrelevant, the movie bros.
Oh, I thought this was interesting.
Remember, I told you Alan Foyer was that guy who he said he wants me to be a martyr.
He said, it would be really good for your cause if you would just lie there and take a beating.
Even if you got hospitalized, it would show people that you're nonviolent.
And I go, no, I'm not doing that.
And then we see here 405 the other day a stabbing.
This is kind of old news.
See that?
Do you see that?
Stop.
You see the guy in the black sweatshirt?
Not that one.
There's one coming up on the left.
Him.
Now watch his left hand.
There.
What do you see?
I see a fucking knife.
And it's not a small knife.
Right there.
I should just let these people beat me up, says the New York Times.
Let them stab you.
So that guy there with the mask on, he gets stabbed in this video.
It's very hard to see, though.
There he is walking away.
There, right there, he just got stabbed.
That's a really bad place to get stabbed, too, is near the armpit.
You get to the vitals real quick there.
There you go.
Oh.
See, he thinks he just got punched and it doesn't hurt.
And then later, I'm not sure if it's in this video, but you see a massive hole on his shirt that's bleeding.
It's funny that I meant to get to this last week.
Since then, we've had all other violence in Portland.
And in every instance, it's Antifa attacking Patriots for no good reason and the media talking about how Patriots are always starting trouble.
Like, for example, at the one the other day in Portland, they get an old bus that used to transport handicapped people.
They drive it there with all their gear, drive right up to the parking lot where the Patriots are.
They drive at them.
Patriots catch them, start ripping them out, macing them.
Then they roll over the truck, and the headline is like, handicapped vehicle rolled upside down by proud boys in militant clash.
Los Angeles anti-mass protest.
So this protest we just saw, and I'm two protests ago at this point.
That's why I said I'm sort of emptying out the computer here.
It's anarchists and Antifa fighting against maskers, anti-vaxxers.
So they're fighting on behalf of the government.
You don't want the second ankle, right?
What?
You don't want the second ankle?
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
We already saw it.
This isn't about right or left.
This is about us and them.
This is about the establishment versus the people.
And Antifa are dressed up as the people and they are the establishment.
That is why they are fighting people who are anti-mask.
Imagine being an anarchist and you're fighting for people to put their masks on.
In fact, it's one of the footage from the Portland thing, there's this journalist there.
She gets maced and beat up.
That might be one of Andy Noah's more recent ones.
And before they beat her up, they say to her, they know her, they recognize her, and they say, You jeopardize other people's lives by going to Columbia.
So now you're right up there with Nancy Pelosi banning travel.
And does Nancy Pelosi mask up when she goes somewhere?
Yeah, that's it.
Get the fuck out.
Get the fuck out.
Get the fuck out, Kata.
You fucking endangered people by flying to fucking Columbia and endangering everyone by opening them up to COVID.
She's about to do it.
By the way, stop, stop, stop.
This goes back to that masochistic thing.
Like, she's got no street smarts.
She's going into Antifa.
If that was Proud Boys, they'd be flanking it.
They'd be judging the numbers.
They'd be sort of bending their knees.
She goes in there like she's fucking Joan of Arc.
It's almost like she wants to get hit.
I know she's on our side, but this is still idiotic.
What do you think's going to happen?
Look at her just standing in the middle of Antifa.
And then she gets what she asked for.
I'm not justifying it.
I'm just saying.
If I walk up to MS-13 in this suit and say, what are you going to do, bitch?
Let's just let her get a car with her.
I have to film it.
I can't help her.
I got to get my footage.
Anyway, let's go to COVID.
That one sucks.
Especially when you go to something that looks this cool afterwards.
So, Ron Coleman has an interesting theory.
Maybe I can't call this all lulz, no lulls.
This is the theory show.
So we keep seeing Gavin Newsome, all these people with no masks.
Ron's contention is it's on purpose.
Here's the latest version of our rulers, reminding us not only that the rules for us are different from the rules for them, but that they know we will find out.
They don't care that we'll find out.
It's quite intentional.
The idea is twofold.
Keep going.
One is to accustom us to the reality that the ruling class will no longer pretend at sharing sacrifice or being bound by the law.
But there's a more important second goal.
It's related, of course, but very distinct.
The second goal is to break our spirits, to convince us it's all over, that votes don't matter, that there's no challenging their permanent and complete primacy, and that any effort to do so is doomed from the start.
I love it.
But I have a...
I just...
I think he's 90% there.
I think what's going on with that Nancy Pelosi picture is that she thinks she's different.
She's better than us.
Like, remember that black politician, single mom, multiple baby daddies?
She's sure no role model, living in her car, making bad choice after bad choice.
Anyway, she becomes a politician that all young black girls can look up to, and she says, defund the police.
And people go, fuck you.
That's terrible.
You have a $200,000 security thing.
And she goes, yeah, but I need to do that because I've had threats on my life.
And I need to serve these people.
De Blasio did the same thing.
He said, I need to go to the gym because I need to be in good shape to serve the community.
So, and you see this with celebrities, Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Gore.
They take these private jets to a climate change conference.
And their rationale, if you were to ask them, they'd say, well, I'm special.
I have this incredible influence.
I'm benefiting the world.
I'm magic.
I'm in the X-Men.
I'm a superhero.
So us dirty hordes, us mobs, us unwashed masses, we need to wear masks.
But Nancy Pelosi, she doesn't need a mask because she's better than us.
So I'm not sure I agree with Ron that they're knowingly saying, ha ha, fuck you, trying to break our spirits.
I think their egos are too big.
I think they just think that they are so much better than us that they don't need a mask.
That's my theory.
Here's a teacher who is convinced he's going to die.
Did I show this clip already?
Because they say there's two teachers already dead.
And wait, is that it?
4-8?
Yeah, and she says, and then I saw people in the comments saying, two teachers have already died.
It's summer.
Two people died that happened to be teachers.
They didn't die teaching.
Here, scroll down.
They have the actual video.
Or no, scroll up.
It's before that.
Had my regular back-to-school anxieties.
Things like, am I going to have enough time?
Am I going to get my lessons done?
Are the students going to be okay?
But this year, there is this overshadowing apprehension that's clouding my normal back-to-school thoughts.
And it's with thoughts like, if I die, who's going to take care of my children?
And if I end up in a hospital, how am I going to pay those bills?
And if I give COVID to my students or my own children and they die, how am I going to live with them?
And I want you to ask any teacher how they feel this year, and I'm sure that they Will tell you that they have never experienced anxiety like this because it is like we are trying to protect our students from a mass shooting that we know is coming but cannot do anything about.
Except we can do something about it.
It's just that not everyone agrees that wearing a mask.
So, a little kid not wearing a mask is the same as a school shooting.
Sounds reasonable.
Do you teach logic?
Yeah, people are likely to become sick, and that makes me sick.
And in the meetings that I have been to since we've been back, I hear teachers planning like regular, but I also hear them having conversations about finding affordable attorneys so that they can make a will.
And we're talking about making emergency sub-plans and quarantining and going to the hospital.
And after in my district, we found out that we have to use personal and sick days if we have to quarantine and that those aren't paid.
The constant dialogue is how those bills are going to get paid.
That's what we're wondering.
Bullshit.
Teachers get off four months a year, two months in the summer, and then two months of various holidays.
And they're like, we can't pay our bills.
We're working so hard.
They always talk about how little money they make.
Not per hour, my dear.
You make little money because you don't work.
Right.
I spend all night doing lesson plans.
No, you don't.
That's such horseshit.
I see them on the beaches in New York.
Big, fat, fucking middle-aged cunts.
We don't have mask mandates in place across the board.
And across the board, we're worried.
And we're tired of parents who feel like mask mandates violate rights.
We want parents to know.
Like, she's literally reading a script and then hamming it up with closing her eyes and fake tears.
So fucking...
This whole thing is so phony.
What's 4.9?
Panic porn.
Media buried key details about Florida teachers dying of COVID.
Yeah, it was in the summer.
What's 50 there?
Leftists hate.
Oh, yeah, this was, I thought, this kind of summarizes what I'm trying to say here.
They hated the vaccine when it was Trump, and they love it now that it's not Trump.
Not one fucking legitimate doctor is endorsing the fucking vaccine coming out in a month.
Fuck Trump.
He cares.
He only cares about himself.
And then, I will fucking take a vaccine booster every fucking day.
I don't give a fuck.
Put that shit in my veins.
Notice they're all ugly people.
There is no vaccine.
This is a lie.
Acting like there is one.
You're a fraud.
Resign, Donald Trump.
Who is going to clean your vaccine?
If you're spreading anti-vaccine lies, then you're on the side of the virus.
I'd love these people to meet their former selves.
This guy is probably the worst person in the internet.
Raise your hand if you would never trust a vaccine pushed by a bleach injection snake oil-selling con man.
Just got my first Pfizer, Fauci, ouchie.
Now I can sit at the cool kids' table with the rest of you guys.
Get your vaccination.
I would eat rancid durian.
How does water get rancid?
Does she mean Darian?
Wait, what's that water?
She means the water, right?
Hello?
Durian.
Googling it.
Left in a hot car for 12 days.
Fruit that stinks a lot.
Okay, sorry, that was a good one.
Oh, yeah, that one.
Left in a hot car for 12 days while listening to Josh Groban sing Christmas songs before I would take bullshit Trump vaccine.
You?
Who's got two thumbs and appointment for a COVID?
I mean, they're all propagandists.
There's no heart in either of those.
All right.
Let's jump to the mailbag.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes together's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
If we let him touch it, do we have to change the theme song?
What?
If we finally let him touch it, do we have to change the theme song?
The guy who wrote the song wants to touch my squirrel sack.
Yeah, so if he does finally touch it, you know, will we still have to put that part in there?
Maybe he'll be satiated.
But if he still wants to touch it going forward, then we leave it in.
I'm still trying to find those Stevo emails.
It's not looking good.
I think they might be on a whole other computer.
You remember the gist?
Well, it's a meth rants.
Oh, shh.
That's awesome.
So they were like 7,000 words.
Oh, I used to print them on Street Carnage.
Briggin A. I wonder if that...
Is Street Carnage even still up?
No.
Well, the article that I tried to go to the other day was not up.
Well, Dove Charney told me he was trying to load his article up, and it did load.
It just took like an hour, which I didn't know websites can be sort of working.
All right, anyway, that's neither here nor there.
Let's go to MailB.
I get a lot of these people who email me like several times a day.
And I'm realizing that they think we're friends because they look at me for a couple hours a day.
I don't know you.
Stop emailing me.
Clip of the day suggestion, this is part of becoming a man, he says.
And then he shows us a guy serenading a girl.
And then the boyfriend came out.
Guy ends up crying.
Oh, this is ancient.
Yeah, and it has fake all over it.
Yeah, shut up, loser.
You should check out Dan Carlin's Hardcore History podcast, specifically Blueprint for Armageddon about World War I. They are long, but damn, they are good.
Oh, and you never looked up Mary Steenbergen.
She's an old smoker.
Mary Steenbergen.
All right, let's look her up.
Steenbergen.
Mary Steenbergen.
Mary Schloofenplatz.
I know her.
Yeah, we all know her, dude.
Will you shut up?
Fuck.
I'm familiar with the chick from Stepbrothers who's been famous forever.
You know who is?
A shocking beauty, though?
Meanwhile, she's like 65 years old.
The chick from Animal House with the little freckles.
Like, she might be the prettiest woman in the world.
In the history of the world.
Look up Girl from Animal House.
No, not the...
No, her.
Her.
Look, that one.
Yeah.
I mean, that's not a great picture of her.
But she was also an Indiana Jones.
She's the tough broad doing the shots.
Karen Allen.
She's just like...
She doesn't look like an earthling.
We are not the same.
Even now, she's like 72.
But look up young Karen Allen.
No, I think the prettiest woman in the history of the world is Phoebe Cates.
But wow, Karen Allen sure came close.
She's maybe number two.
Number two.
These are all terrible pictures of her that's making me look like a moron.
Just so pure.
Yeah, that's more like it.
Not this one.
This one, she's like, you think I'm pure.
But you can't beat Phoebe Cates.
There's a hardcore history.
Yeah, I've heard of this.
Everybody keeps telling me to listen to this.
What is it like fucking...
Which smoke show psycho woman would you bang first?
Or MFK?
Pics attached.
Casey Anthony, very, very beautiful.
Accused of killing her daughter.
No, she did kill her daughter.
Emma Pressler, a blonde, accused of killing a girl with cerebral palsy and later lighting another couple on fire, killing the husband and burning the wife badly.
Jodi Arius, blonde Latina, accused of murdering her boyfriend with a knife and a gun after stalking him for months.
Well, aesthetically, if we're just going by aesthetics, Jodi Arius is the hottest of them all.
They're all murderers, right?
I don't want to marry any of them.
Now I'm doing that chick thing.
Okay, so the other thing about fucking them is you've got to think, she's going to kill me, right?
Or I don't want to fuck someone that's murdered someone.
So this gets weird.
I guess they're all equally evil, so I would just go for looks.
And looks-wise, I'd go Jodi first, the middle one second, and then Casey Anthony last.
Right?
Or is that just a bad picture of Casey Anthony?
Let me look her up again.
She doesn't look much like Casey Anthony there.
No, she doesn't, does she?
Oh, yeah.
No, she's not very hot at all.
Jodi Arias.
Now, as far as marry, fuck, kill, well, you want to kill the worst person.
And killing your daughter is the worst thing.
So I want to kill Casey Anthony.
And then you want to marry the least evil one.
I'm going to marry Jodi Arius because she only killed one guy.
And it wasn't you.
Yeah.
And she killed him because he dumped her.
I'll just never dump her.
And then Emma Presley, Pressler, I'm going to fuck because she's very hot and I don't want to see her again.
And Jodi Arias.
That was easy.
There's a couple of.
What's that?
This is Jody.
That's not Jody.
This is Jodi.
Yeah, in jail.
Jodi in jail on NBC.
I don't know.
On vaccine hesitancy, Dear Gavin and Ryan online, I found this perfect example of why we are reluctant to get the prick.
I thought I'd share it so others had a more concise and clear response when asked why they didn't get the vax.
Oh, fuck.
Okay, that's it.
No more unscreened ones.
So this one I have screened starting now.
Afghan podcast.
Dear Gavin, first day subscriber here.
Best value for money ever.
The host of the podcast, The Rest is History, is Tom Holland, who is a brilliant writer and historian.
He wrote a book in 2019 called Dominion, in which he says that Western culture is Christian culture, which is basically what the death of the West says.
For your next sleepless night, check out the podcast, History Extra, Tom Holland on Christianity's Enduring Legacy, where he points out that human rights, the end of slavery, etc., could never have come from the Muslim world.
For example, that it is a purely Christian creation.
Kind regards to you and yours.
P.S. Tom Holland also says that one of the reasons Hitler hated the Jews was because he blamed them for the fall of the Roman Empire.
The pussification, if you will, and getting good at it, if you will, of Rome.
He says Jesus and St. Paul were Jews, and if Germany wanted a thousand-year Reich, then the Jews had to go.
Okay, I don't totally comprehend that.
Hey guys, this pro-abortion song plays as an ad before all my conservative content on YouTube.
There are a few funny arguments in the comments.
Okay, so I've seen this before.
She uses that sort of like Reggie Watts thing where you go and then that's the beat.
I'm not sure it's really credible.
Anyway, she keeps doing this.
It's a very long intro, and then she sings about how...
No, no, keep playing the fucking music, retard.
Go back to the beginning now.
Shuts up the song for a long time.
And then in the song, she talks about how it's her body, her choice, and the problem isn't abortion.
It's that, you know, we don't have enough sex education in school.
But then in the write-up, She says, the best thing you can do for the environment is to not have kids.
We're overpopulated.
And what these young girls don't understand is that it's quality, not quantity.
The third world is reproducing like crazy.
And China is much worse, if you can call China third world, with its billion people and its burning plastic and its zero environmentalism.
So this is the problem with the myth of equality.
When we say we're all the same and all cultures are the same, then you say, okay, then we as a global community have to have less babies.
No, they're not doing it.
We're the only ones not having babies.
Us and maybe Japan and Italy.
So the West and Japan.
Or has it really been a matter of time?
So men are ruling the country because of sexism?
I guess women just are running and not getting elected because we're sexist.
Right, that's only 24 cents.
I find it disturbing that YouTube is enforcing that bullshit on people.
You mentioned in passing you're writing a book on anti-Semitism.
No, I'm writing a book on free speech, basically.
But there's maybe a couple pages on anti-Semitism.
You should get in contact with Owen Benjamin, blah, blah, blah.
He used to be anti-Semitic, but he got through it.
Okay.
I thought you'd find this funny, trying to activate my Roku for censored.tv.
And as I'm manually typing in the censored URL, the iPhone suggests I go read about Joe Biden instead.
Wow.
Damn.
So top hit, censor.tv, and then, hey, try this out.
You might be interested in this.
Sean Solo.
Oops.
Gavin and Ryan, love the show.
You're great, but why are you gay?
Considering the climate of it today, it's rare when our side actually has something tangible that we can do to actually make change.
Promoting Larry Elder on the show not only would make great content, but potentially score a huge win.
Dude, could you be more naive?
How young are you?
A, Larry Elder would never appear on this show.
B, it would be terrible for him to be on this show.
And it would be, the thing they're coming at him with is that he's the blackface of white nationalism in America.
If he appears on the Proud Boy show, the leftist media would fucking have a field day, you moron.
How can you not know that?
He's saying promoting him on the show, but what would that even do?
I mean, if you're a liberal, you're not watching the show.
And if you live in California, you're voting for him.
Just an idiotic letter.
G'day, gay lords.
For once, it seems like one of Gab's retarded theories is accurate.
Apparently having sex with lots of different women every night is gay.
So they say that this was a hard article to understand, but they say that fucking like a lunatic, right, is a natural thing in the old days, cave days, because you want to make as many of you as possible.
But then there's too many of you, so the autocorrect is to make them fags.
So that's not exactly what I was saying.
I was saying that it's a very gay thing to want to just fuck a million different women a night.
That means you're gay.
And to never settle down.
It's the same lifestyle.
You chastened Rygai for displaying the text of the email you were reading.
But I remember on a very early episode, you specifically commanding Ryan to work out a way to have the emails reading behind you a la 1980 60 Minutes viewer.
You owe Rygai a foot massage.
Ooh, that'd be cool.
Well, if it was a fancy thing that looked like a printed out letter, there's a case for that.
But as far as just sticking up the 10 sentences I'm reading, it's annoying.
And it also adds to a risk of us showing the person's name and address and all that.
So Only Fools and Horses, soon to be cancelled.
And then they show us the episode where they are going to adopt a German lady's baby, and they realize that the German lady is black.
How'd they not know that?
Bossy, sorry, no, sorry, mate.
Listen, the deal's off.
It's off, all right?
Is that right, Darl?
The deal's off, is it?
Too bleeding, right?
It's off.
What are you talking about?
The other thing I meant to tell you is Messi's mummy and daddy come over in 1956.
That's enough.
How British sitcoms were over the top, weren't they?
The laughing?
Here, jump to 55.
So I thought it was interesting there.
That's a newborn.
That baby's like less than two weeks old.
And the sitcom people managed to scrounge that up.
I managed to get a baby for my hit film, How to Be a Man.
Clint Eastwood couldn't get one for Sniper.
And then look at this from Twilight.
I've never seen Twilight before, but they CGI'd a baby.
Wait, go back to the beginning, dumbass.
You look amazing, Bella.
Someone's been waiting to meet you.
Bruce.
Look at that fucking floating baby.
Why?
How could...
You know how much it cost me to get a baby?
$100.
There's a lot of them around.
7 billion people today have been babies at some point.
There's probably been 10 billion babies in history.
Look at this.
There's a way you could put a baby's arm up to your face, by the way.
You just film a baby for like two minutes and you'll get happy, sad, serious.
You'll get all the shots you need.
Like, this was a HBO show, wasn't it?
It was a full-blown movie.
Go back, go back.
This was in the movie theaters.
Oh, was it...
It was a movie?
This is a full-blown movie.
And then they made it into a series?
I don't think they made it into a series.
This is Twilight.
A big vampire romance thing.
Oh, I thought it was an HBO series.
No, which is even more inexcusable.
This has a blockbuster budget.
Just gift it.
I've only been out for two days.
Growth rate is unprecedented.
Amazing.
Worst black name ever.
New Orleans Saints has a wide receiver named Lil Jordan Humphreys.
As far as I could tell, that's his actual real name.
Thank you for supporting the military.
I'm a disabled veteran of OIF, U.S. Army Infantry.
Absolutely love the war movie bit.
Thank you for your service, sir.
Lil Jordan?
But that means you have to have an apostrophe in your name.
And then a new capital letter.
Can we see his name written out?
Oh my God.
That's so stupid.
They don't care about anything.
Where's Laura Loomer?
Can you have her on?
What's she doing?
I miss her.
Are you still friends with her?
Loving the compound-censored stuff with Anthony.
Yeah, I don't know.
Laura, every time I talk to her, I'm like, Laura, you're putting up these clips on Loomer.com.
I know they're only like one minute, but just add a bunch of explanation before and after, and then make them an episode of Loomer to put them on the show.
And she's like, yeah, you're right.
I'm on it.
Sorry, I've been really busy.
I'm going to do it.
We have a long conversation.
It's awesome.
And then poof, she's gone again.
I mean, I think I need to hire someone that just nags people.
Like Josh Denny, he hasn't put up shit in a long time, has he?
It's been a while.
Copper Cab.
I got to nag Gavin Wax.
I mean, this show takes all day.
Sprinkles, but maybe not.
I think you'd still enjoy it.
I'd say 90% of the time people send me sprinkles.
The guy doesn't have the sprinkles.
This guy might, though.
But you're reading, nerd.
Hey, that's not very nice.
What are you going to do about it, loser?
You know, you should really be nicer to people.
Maybe normal people, but not losers like you.
But I'm no loser, am I?
What do you mean?
I'm actually Elon Musk.
I've been going undercover at this middle school to see which 12-year-olds I'd be giving free tests to, and you're not one of them.
That's pretty good.
Pretty accurate.
Total.
Total badass, and history isn't just for nerds.
Okay, let's see the badass.
Oh, yeah.
Still, there was one eccentric personality that stood out among them, Francois Delasque.
Both a piercing intellectual and a fierce warrior, Delascue's mentality changed the way soldiers trained in the U.S. He once wrote, Our enemies have been toughened, seasoned, and experienced to jungle fighting for a long time.
They've been preparing for war.
We've been enjoying a utopian peace of mind.
The French learned this too late.
See what I mean about storytelling?
Like, that guy makes you want to watch the show.
The French learned this too late.
And then you got our priest with his, like, don't go to church.
Yeah, there's no, like, connection to it.
It's like, and then he walked across the street and ate the poo-poo.
It's like, yeah, and we had this guy for a while, this big fat pig, and I could tell he was reading from the Bible.
They chose him because he volunteered there and he was an integral part of the church.
I don't care.
The Bible's hard to follow.
So when you read it like, and then Jesus found the fortitude of all those who saw him, and he chose, he, who was buried, the greatest of the light, would be the one that moved forth and then gathered all that he had.
In the brush fires, all then, Lord, then said that they had taken thee to the places of all the people who were slowly learning from Jerusalem to Belthassu, where they eventually led.
You are my sons, he said, as he moved forward across the long Bering Strait and gained the head of the grape man.
What?
Who's the grape man?
Yeah, why did you say the grape man?
That's the most confusing part of the whole Bible.
And the only funny part of this show so far.
Don't quit me.
But when a member of the church fell asleep during a recent sermon, the Sunday service turned Sunday surly.
Don't you lay your head back?
I'm important.
The whole incident was posted on YouTube as the preacher came down from the pulpit and proceeded to berate his churchgoers.
First, a couple who had considered getting married there.
What makes you think I'd marry you?
You're one of the sorriest church members I have.
You're not worth 15 cents.
He then apologized.
Stand up, big boy.
Do you know I love you?
All right.
All right.
Give me a little love.
The big boy was Ryan Underwood, who has since stopped attending churches.
This is really bad news.
You know why?
Because I just found my church and it's a plane ride away.
It's going to be very...
Sundays just got a whole lot more expensive.
That would be great.
I heard about a priest once who would yell at the parents who had screaming kids.
Wow.
Why the fuck's the baby there?
They're so fucking loud and it's the quietest place on earth and they're doing these screeching yells.
I can't hear Shit.
Little kids should not be in church.
And I heard about a priest who said, Will you quiet that child down, please?
My God.
Fucking bitch.
Okay, not the last part.
This guy kicks out mask goers.
I mean, mask chips.
Stop it!
Stop it!
I know right-wing watch watching.
I don't care.
If they go through round two and you start showing up all these masks and all this nonsense, I'll ask you to leave.
Why is that right-wing?
There's another flight you could take.
Ask you to leave.
We have options.
Why is every church anyone I've ever been to?
Although I did go to one, I told you that one guy, and I was like, dude, you need like to.
Because he wasn't every Sunday.
He was at this church that time.
And I go, I need your schedule.
I want to follow you like the Grateful Dead.
And he was the one who said when he worked at a school, a Catholic school, he goes, I was assigned to catch kids doing bad, but I think it's a lot more important to catch someone doing good.
And it's a lot harder to catch someone doing good.
And when they do that, you draw attention to it.
Brilliant.
I don't tear up for sad things.
I tear up for happy things.
And then someone said, the fake custard wife roller dude.
Did you think his wife is eight feet tall?
Take another look at the video.
And then he goes, and yes, women are too agreeable.
Can you dig up that video?
Am I a moron?
That's from yesterday, right?
He added fake feet to the bottom?
Oh, yeah, because the head.
I sent it as a separate email.
Right.
Yesterday.
Oof, burrito and then a beer.
That's just black bean burps all day, boys.
Beer eato.
Why does this take you so long to get an email I sent you yesterday?
Nope.
Okay, so if you can jump ahead.
Aren't you banned from Facebook?
Yeah.
Sometimes I can see links, sometimes I can't.
It won't let you go full screen, so I'll just leave it alone.
Every time you click the little go full screen, please, it says fuck you.
And I say, ouch.
Okay, I don't see feet there yet.
No, they're coming up.
This is making me giggle.
This is making me giggle, she says.
She's making me giggle?
This is making me giggle, she says.
Wait, stop.
That looks reasonable.
That's reasonable.
Thanks for sending in your letter, asshole.
That's not eight feet.
That could easily be less than six feet.
God damn it.
People.
I'm emailing him right now.
I see a proportional human body there.
It's not eight feet, you fucking idiot.
What made you send this email?
Are you really young?
If you're over 14, you should be concerned.
There we go.
He's probably going to cancel his sub, but fuck him.
Okay, last one is called Socks with Heels.
And this guy sends us a picture of an incredibly attractive girl not wearing socks with heels.
Thanks for that.
And plus, when they look like that, I'm always wary to get a boner in case I'm looking at a fucking child.
Hey, those are loafers.
Yeah.
So not a ton of thought goes into our letters.
And these are ones that I've screened.
All right, let's do the final video.
Yeah.
All right.
This one's Ancient Chinese Secret now.
I meant to get to it yesterday.
It's funny how things become old so quickly in this business.
But it's number 54.
And it's yet another badass bitch exacerbating a situation.
Stop, stop, stop.
Like, why is she standing up like that?
That's his job.
And that guy should have grabbed her by the shoulder and sat her down.
But in the modern world of equality and feminism, you let her be.
She's in danger, you asshole.
Like, the crime has already been committed right now, as far as I'm concerned.
Sit her down and say, honey, honey, honey, calm down.
Calm down.
Look, she's still fighting with him after he stands up.
And then he gets him with the right.
He's out like a light.
What a dumb bitch.
Go back, go back.
After the slap.
He's concussed.
But after the initial thing, she's still getting into it.
So she slaps him, right?
And then you think, at least run at that point.
And look, she's getting in between her husband and the guy.
I'll handle this.
I don't blame him.
I think they're both assholes.
The black guy and the woman.
Well, the fucking white man's the one who gets knocked out.
Thing is, Guy didn't slug her or touch her at all.
He put his fist up and then didn't do anything with it.
No, no, but it looked like he was grabbing her hand and shoving her.
No, he's got both his hands.
No, he doesn't, Ryan.
Watch it again.
He's trying...
Wait.
Okay, so his hands are ready.
No, no.
Go back there.
Oh, I see.
She's got her fingers.
She's got fingers in his face, so he grabs her hand and shoves her.
He says, Get your fucking hand out of my face.
Oh, so he did start the touching, which isn't good.
Yeah, you have to reel her in.
That's an extension of your body.
That's why sometimes the guy won't punch the girl at all or do anything with the girl.
Just punch the guy right away.
You're like, this is what happens.
Yeah.
Well, the normal rules are the guy says, you better catch your girl in check or I'm about to kick your ass.
Yeah.
Even if you've done nothing, you have, that's why you've done nothing.
You could have stopped it.
And then this was a really weird video.
This old couple's going for a walk in London and they get approached by a punk and a skin, but like right out of the dictionary, punks and skins.
And these punk rockers and skin heads chase the old couple and get maced.
But what do you see these punks?
They look like drawings of punks and skins from like a record label, a compilation called Punks and Skins.
Oh, you can see in there.
Look, look.
Wait, go back.
Go back.
Stop.
What are they doing?
You see an old couple going for a walk and you're like, well, well, well, what do we have here?
An old couple in London.
It's so weird that he has a brown mohawk too.
Like, if you're going to go that crazy with your hair, wouldn't you dye it?
So his spidey senses are up.
I think he's calling, what is it, 999, you call in Britain for 911?
Oh, they're coming up.
She's ready already.
And she fucking nails him.
And then the skinhead jumps the guy.
He gets up.
Now she has to go back and save her man.
Oh, it's two women?
He's fucked.
That's cool, mates, too, because now you're bright red.
And when you're talking about what happened to police, they can easily find them.
What a weird video, huh?
All right, folks, lots of theories today.
Lots of fun stuff.
All luls, no lulls.
I'm sorry, that letter where that guy sent that hot chick, her Instagram came up.
You have to go back to it.
You're going to fucking poop your pants.
She's a freak.
Oh.
She's a supermodel.
Of course she's a freak.
Now I feel like a moron.
I find a supermodel attractive.
Wait, go back.
Look at the one where she's sitting with her tights.
It looks like very Melania Trumpish.
That is an attractive human.
Oh, great.
She's like 14 and she's a supermodel.
I'm sitting here at 51 going, she's pretty, man.
You gotta see.
Wait, stop the ending of the show.
You gotta see this pretty teenager, man.
Oh, well, we're not perfect.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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