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May 21, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:08:00

GOML LIVE #99 - AFRICAN JAZZ

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	Milk and milkies comments and milk wagons and all of that.
	Let me make it big, yellow bits of time.
	Your pops very big, get your pops up.
	In plenty of walk, let's go.
	Let's have touchy touch pop up.
	Hello?
	What was that?
	That was just sort of a meme song where they are mocking, I guess, those Indian dudes who get on social media and say, Let me see your bobs.
	Can you open up your cloth?
	That's the chick from those commercials.
	You know, we had the same manager for a while.
	I recognize her.
	Yeah, she's like the commercial chick with the huge bobs.
	Any app is a dating app if you're Indian, buddy.
	Send me neck to pick.
	Bitch design.
	Neck to pick.
	Your bobs are very big.
	You know, I heard what they do?
	It's called Romeo calling.
	Where they just open up the yellow pages and they just call a female name.
	They're like, hello, would you like to have sex with me?
	And how?
	I guess they have phone sex.
	You know, they have so much time.
	I bet what they do is they just call.
	Whoa.
	Is that a Romeo dial?
	Hello, who is this?
	This is a free call from Linda Sex.
	An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
	This call is not private.
	It will be recorded and may be monitored.
	If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number.
	To accept this free call, press.
	One, to refuse this free call.
	Thank you for using Securis.
	You may start the conversation now.
	Hey.
	Hello.
	How you doing, Mercedes?
	I'm doing great.
	How are you, Gavin?
	Good.
	You're live on the air.
	I am live on the air.
	Well, thank you.
	So you're talking to 25,000 people right now.
	Well, hello, 25,000 people.
	Is there a particular message you want to say to them all?
	Well, I love all of you.
	That's pretty simple.
	I miss all of you.
	Any progress on your case?
	Oh, I'm just sitting here rotting in jail.
	And the courts haven't quite reopened.
	And it's amazing the head games that they play out here in this district.
	My DA has the nerve to say that it's my responsibility to throw her a deal.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, this is what San Bernardino County does.
	Wait, I don't get it.
	It's your responsibility to throw her a deal.
	Yes, yes.
	And it better be in the high double digits.
	Otherwise, you know, she's going to make sure that this trial is very hard on me.
	So she wants you to come up with your own plea deal, and it should be to the tune of like, what, double digits, like 99 years?
	Yeah, and if not, then she's going to make sure that this trial is very hard on me.
	So there was a covert threat wrapped up in this.
	Yeah, this is what I'm dealing with out here.
	And I told you the story about Melinda Thomas.
	They sentenced her to 18 years on the charge.
	They should have been an 18-month thing.
	This is what I'm dealing with out here in San Francisco County.
	It's nuts, you guys.
	Well, I don't think it's just San Bernardino County.
	It seems to be the American justice system these days.
	Oh, yeah.
	We're in, you know, people talk about, you know, how could the Nazis have done this?
	Or how could people have gotten away with this in Soviet Russia?
	We're in it, people.
	I'm a canary in a coal mine.
	I'm telling you guys, you know, I go to court and some of these cops, they look at me and they go, oh, gosh, we know you don't belong here.
	And I think to myself, what, you guys are doing this to me.
	Yeah.
	You know, we had a caller the other day who said women don't belong in the military and they sentenced him to 46 days of hard labor.
	And I just realized that's a gulag.
	That's what a gulag is.
	Yes.
	Well, we're in it right now.
	You know, when I talk to these cops, and a lot of these cops know I shouldn't be here.
	And I go, well, you guys are doing this to me.
	So every single one of you who knows I shouldn't be here, and yet you're doing this to me, I mean, you guys have to understand, they put me in chains, like medieval chains.
	I mean, like Jeffrey Dahmer spells chains every time they transport me to court.
	I have one set of clothing all week.
	I have been waging a mini war all week long.
	They gave me a blanket that's stained with some other woman's menstrual blood.
	Oh, this thing is a hazmat.
	Yeah.
	And I've been having to wage a war all week just for the last week to just try to get a different blanket.
	I mean, this thing should have been in a haz-mat.
	This is insane.
	Bags.
	Mercedes, I can't hear you very well because you're on speakerphone in order for everyone else to hear, but I got to get back to the show.
	Okay.
	Love you guys.
	I love you all.
	Write me letters.
	Make sure they're in clean envelopes.
	We just put your address up on the screen.
	Okay.
	Love you.
	Bye.
	Bye.
	That's Mercedes Carrera, porn star who is MAGA, who has, I believe, has been framed with some crazy pedophile charge.
	I do think it's likely there was guns and meth in the same place, which is part of her charges, but I do not believe she molested her daughter.
	You're innocent until proven guilty.
	Anyway, that was a kooky call to get.
	We have fish tacos here that Ryan made at home and brought into the studio.
	Aya-yaye!
	And I caught them.
	That's right.
	It feels good to catch your dinner.
	There's something sort of primal about it.
	So let's test it out, shall we?
	I should put on some fishing all day today off the coast of Long Island.
	Taco music.
	This is really good.
	Right?
	What's the white stuff?
	That better not be cum.
	It's cum.
	Ryan!
	Not again, right?
	No, it's creme.
	What's that?
	Just like a Mexican sour creme.
	Hmm.
	It's really good, but you can't really go wrong with beer batters, right?
	I use the king of all beer batters.
	What's that?
	Butter barger.
	Oh.
	Hmm.
	Gardens with a little bit of radish on there?
	This doesn't make for very good radio.
	No, I'm going to go in.
	Don't do that.
	I sent some pictures of the fish trip today.
	This is black people's food.
	I was fishing off the coast of Long Island and there's boats that have been rented.
	I think it was $45 for four hours.
	They take you out in these big party boats.
	They give you a rod.
	And the beauty of this fish, Porgy, oh, I should have played Georgie Porgy.
	I love you, Porgy.
	Don't let him take it.
	Is that Nina Simone?
	And the beauty of Porgy's is there's no real limit.
	Like you can have 40.
	Now, they're not a very meaty fish.
	I'll show you the batter.
	I'll show you my prize.
	And that was six, 10 to 11 inches.
	When I say an 11 inch, I mean like from the lips to the very, very end of the tail.
	So what these black guys do is they catch them all, then they just descale them, chop the head off, and fry all of that.
	And then they pick away at it.
	And this guy was explaining to me.
	He's like, excuse the imminent racism, but this is cops in the Bronx.
	There's something about black people, they like picking at stuff.
	He wasn't trying to be offensive.
	He was being nice.
	And he's like, they love chicken.
	I don't like that.
	I like getting it.
	I like steak.
	I like when you get the food and it's there.
	But they like picking away at stuff.
	Like this, I had to have it filleted.
	And then he took the spines out.
	Like, go back to that video you were going to show.
	You see how little meat you get.
	Don't let him handle me.
	Yeah.
	We let him handle you, okay?
	I mean, it's nothing.
	And that still has to be de-skinned, that piece he just took off.
	And then it still has to get de-boned, like the spine part taken out.
	So black people just have the whole bottom half of that.
	And then I guess with the knife, you pick away the meat from the bones.
	Hey, we're all different.
	Different cultural tendencies.
	But yeah, I did that all day today.
	Boy, it was fun.
	You have a sinker with a worm, and we had this worm with pincers on it, and we had blood worms too.
	And then a clam.
	Guess how much a little container of clam bait was?
	Four bucks.
	$13.
	Jeez.
	That's a robin fish.
	Most fishermen just kill those because they don't have any natural predators.
	They're too spiky.
	And so they just eat all the babies and they ruin fishing for everyone.
	So you catch that, you open up his guts and you throw him back in.
	What else do you got there?
	It's a big fin.
	Do they breach the water?
	That's what I asked.
	I go, do those fly?
	He said, no, they don't fucking fly.
	I was like, well, I don't know.
	What else do you got there?
	I've got mine.
	Come on, fun day.
	See.
	Someday I know he's coming.
	This is Barry Beckett, my fishing buddy.
	So he bleeds them first.
	So we keep them in that little well so they stay fresh.
	Then we get to our destination to whatever you call them.
	Stab them?
	What do you call it when you get the meat off?
	Phileum?
	Phileum?
	Or there's a better word for them, I'm sure.
	I forgot it.
	Anyway, you bleed them out, and that makes it better.
	So you let them swim around there in the blood for a bit.
	They don't really die.
	Hey, jihadists, if you're out there trying to convert fish and you want to smite E above their necks, that's not going to kill them.
	Keep going.
	It does hurt, though, right?
	This poor guy?
	Sure, it's wildly uncomfortable.
	Keep showing fishing picks, fuck lips.
	I keep opening this up and...
	Well, you learn to work preview.
	Yeah, previews can be a bitch sometimes.
	All right, so we got those.
	Yep.
	We got those.
	And you just drag them onto the app.
	There we go.
	That's his boat.
	You know these boats that you see, these wheeler boats, they're like used.
	They can be 90 grand.
	Oof.
	That's fucking expensive.
	What's a little blue thing there?
	That's just for your drink and then some brick-a-brac, like a lure or something like that.
	Keep going.
	Okay, Ryan, come on, dude.
	We can see your whole background there.
	What are you doing?
	Every time I try to open it, it doesn't work.
	Same thing last time.
	Remember last time?
	Well, figure out a way to do it where it's not annoying to everyone in the world.
	There's a crab?
	You should have seen his weird little face.
	Zoom in on him?
	Not Barry, but the crab.
	Oh, that's me.
	Look at that.
	He's got a weird little...
	You can't really see it there, but he's got a weird little beak.
	A snout.
	Yeah, he's got a tiny little mouth.
	That seems like a shitty design.
	I think God sometimes looks at some of his work and just goes...
	That one sucks.
	Is it an edible fish?
	A crab?
	I don't think so, no.
	There he is again.
	Let's speed this up, please.
	A little slideshow.
	Now you're showing everyone all the pictures.
	Come on, we're killing the momentum.
	That's either a flounder or a fluke.
	I'm not sure which.
	Those have to be like 13 inches before you can keep them.
	Next.
	Keep both eyes on one side.
	Thanks, Ryan.
	We've already seen that.
	We've seen that.
	So that's what I got from six 10 inchers.
	And then show the pile of beer-battered shit that you had on your stove.
	You sent that to me, right?
	Yeah, I emailed it to you.
	Okay.
	So I brought it all over to Ryan's, and they said, I'm going into the studio, meet me later, and bring tacos.
	We will warm them up at the studio.
	And that's what we did.
	And yeah.
	I don't think I have that one.
	I think I sent it to you very recently.
	It would be in your recent sends.
	Sometimes I accidentally send these to myself, though.
	The last one I got was the compound boss's tweet.
	Okay.
	No, it was before that, for sure.
	Tweet, tweet.
	I'm sending to you now.
	It's called beer.
	Gotcha.
	But yeah, it turned out delicious.
	It came out real good.
	Then you have...
	Now, I'm dubious if beer-battered anything.
	Like, couldn't this be beer-battered dog shit and we'd be talking about how yummy it is?
	Possibly.
	I believe the fish has a good amount of, like, innate flavor, though.
	Yeah.
	You could definitely tell what's just batter, what's just not.
	Well, the black dudes were sure digging them.
	We ended up just following their boat around.
	Hmm.
	Yeah, and then you got some cabbage, finely chopped, tossed in lime juice.
	So how did you prepare that beer batter?
	How does that work?
	Explain that to the folks at home.
	It's an easy little recipe there with...
	Use flour, cornstarch, salt, chili powder, beer, and one egg.
	And then you make the dry stuff where you just flour.
	It's really just flour.
	And some salt pepper.
	Okay.
	And then you, you know, you take them, you put them in the flour, then you put them in the batter, and then you fry them.
	It's really nice.
	I've never cooked a bread.
	Oh, you double dip them?
	No, some people like to double dip.
	I don't like to double dip.
	So you take the fish.
	Then you get too much breading on there.
	You put it in flour, you get it all floury both sides, right?
	And then you submerge it in the batter.
	And then you put it in the oil.
	How much oil do you have?
	How deep?
	Like two or three inches.
	Oh, really deep?
	A lot of oil.
	I used my cast iron skillet, and then you just let that get real hot.
	Don't put more than like six pieces in there.
	Otherwise, it'll cool the whole temperature down.
	Oh, I see.
	And then what are you going to do with that oil now?
	You got to put it in a Ziploc bag when it's completely cold and you throw it away.
	Oh.
	This has been a long intro to get to Tactical Walls.
	TacticalWalls.com, 20% off for everyone who uses a promo code Gavin.
	We've been building the new studio, and I set up my Tactical Walls shelf there on the wall.
	And again, the main thing they do is you can display your gun collection in a beautiful, easy-to-grab, fun way.
	But they do a million different things.
	The guy is a vet, very handy.
	They made us that cool shelf that I put up in the new studio.
	Places to hide your gun equipment in cool secret spots.
	They also do stuff just for organizing your office and organizing your bike, your sports equipment.
	Go to the site, tacticalwalls.com, and just peruse it.
	And I guarantee you, you'll see something you like 20% off.
	And you're supporting patriots who support us.
	Look at that.
	Look at that variety.
	So you're supporting someone who busts their ass, keeping America great, war vets who put their life on the line for this country.
	And you're helping them develop their business and help employ Americans during the pandemic.
	I mean, it's win-win-win.
	I can't see a scenario where going to tacticalwalls.com and using the promo code Gavin doesn't benefit you and the country and the show.
	So please do.
	Also, a little note on yesterday's or last show's sponsor, Nita Fashions.
	I don't think I made it clear enough.
	Maybe you could put this on the screen.
	They don't go around the world anymore or they won't until this pandemic ends.
	So you contact them and set up an appointment.
	So that's info at nitafashions.com.
	No, no, that's the email address we want you to mail it to.
	Info at nitafashions.com.
	Maybe it's on the site.
	See if you can find it under contact.
	Yeah, contact does.
	Sales, no, it's info we want.
	So, I don't know.
	Can you type that out and make it appear on the screen nice and big somehow?
	Put and post.
	Definitely put and post.
	Okay, well, we're live now.
	So just type it out in your email.
	Go to your email and make an email that says info at nitafashions.com.
	See, this is why I was trying to grab you well before the show started.
	So you go there, you make an appointment.
	All you need is a measuring, right?
	You know, if you don't have that Taylor's tape that has the numbers on it, like the Taylor measuring thing in Medoodle, you could just take a string, you do the measurement, and then you go to a measuring tape and you stretch it out.
	You know what I mean?
	So any shoelace, you go around the neck as he tells you to, you pinch that, then you undo it, and then you lay it out on a measuring tape.
	Anyway, you get all your measurements.
	You get your, the range of prices is great too.
	You can get a $60 shirt that fits you perfectly like pajamas.
	You know how uncomfortable you are when you do the top button with your tie?
	This is nothing.
	If you can get your finger in there, all your suits become PJs overnight.
	And that helps you in meetings.
	It helps you be more successful at work because you're comfortable and you're not sitting there going, having a panic attack, dreaming of getting home and putting on your fucking sweatpants.
	So we got that done.
	We've featured everything about the fish.
	Man, I am fucking stuffed, even from those two bites.
	Oh, damn.
	That's enough for Ninita Fashions.
	They're doing every second week.
	I think we can start the show now.
	Right?
	We've done some promos.
	We explained why there's a plate of fish tacos on the thing.
	I showed you all the pictures of the fish.
	Wait, did you show the picture of me holding my fish?
	No, you didn't.
	No.
	Dude, you got to figure out a way to fucking handle pictures.
	Like, it's sub-1950s.
	Wait, we did see that.
	You have the picture of me holding up my...
	Yeah, I remember that.
	That?
	Yeah.
	You showed that one?
	The zoom isn't right, but yes.
	Well, I must have been looking down.
	That's a good trick, by the way, when someone's photographing your fish.
	You put it close to the camera.
	You've got the face on the fish cropped.
	Yeah, there we go.
	He looks kind of freaked out, doesn't he?
	Yeah.
	Black people eat those by the dozens.
	Pretty damn good.
	Yeah, delicious.
	The chicken of the sea.
	All right.
	This is a totally random thing that my buddy sent me.
	And he was like, how is this hunting?
	So it's an ad from some Chinese company.
	It's a picture I sent you.
	No, no.
	Nope.
	Yep.
	And it's obviously, you know, foreigners doing stuff.
	And they're talking about how great this flashlight is.
	Lighting is kind of weird, right?
	You sit on a car and you can, I guess, see the sky better.
	No, you can't.
	There's no flashlight that lights up the universe.
	Walk, well, you mean walking, but okay, sold.
	Gotcha.
	Camping, that looks amazing.
	The camping is really cool.
	Wow, you really lit up that place.
	You can set up your tent in the dark.
	Expedition, that looks more like spelunking, but sure, you could argue that's an expedition.
	And then fishing, sure.
	You already said camping, but okay.
	Reading, yep, night walk, that's similar to walking.
	And then the reason I brought this to the show, to your attention, is obviously human hunting.
	What the fuck are you talking about, dude?
	Hunting?
	What are you hunting?
	What's down the stairs?
	A bear?
	There's no animals down there.
	And he doesn't have a weapon.
	So I guess he's looking for people to kill.
	It's a rapist.
	Raping, it should say.
	This is a great raping flashlight.
	Like woman pussy hunting.
	I mean, what else could that be?
	There's no weapon involved, and it's not a place animals go.
	Anyway, cute ad for raping.
	Also, so this is the new thing at the beginning of the show.
	It's just random clown world news and silly things I've noticed on the World Wide Web.
	Justin Trudeau, this is one too, has a shitty HP computer.
	He probably has to use it because everyone in the government uses it and they have protocol.
	But it's not cool, an HP or whatever it is, a Google Chrome pad or some shit.
	But maybe you need all the different ports.
	I don't have notes.
	What?
	You didn't get the notes?
	Well, when you said you didn't have the opening song, I assumed that you had the notes, but you couldn't find the opening song.
	Okay.
	Well, this is a problem.
	It's in the scent?
	No, it was never sent.
	So here's me making a mistake now.
	The flashlight would have come in handy for this.
	Although you could have said, hey, I didn't get the notes for today's show.
	Sometimes live we don't do notes.
	That's why I was like, oh, we're going noteless.
	So we've got to wonder if it's not.
	So what he does is he puts, try to just get to the picture next time and not show everyone the whole process.
	You get me?
	Like, even that's TMI.
	But you can tell by the number of ports on the side that it's not any kind of MacBook.
	They never have fucking ports, which is a very annoying feature.
	I can't believe they do that.
	I don't know why the fuck they do that.
	Is that cool?
	And so he sticks a fucking Apple sticker on it.
	And you can see the HP through the Apple.
	Oh, yeah.
	What an imbecile.
	Why would you do that?
	Like, I can see doing that if you're 12 and you live in a trailer park and you're embarrassed that you're poor and all the kids have apples and you don't want to be known as the poor kid.
	So you put a stick around, but you're going to get made fun of.
	You know what that reminds me?
	Jump ahead to 1-7.
	Remember the commercial that was big?
	I think it's gone viral since I saw you last, but he swirls around and someone asks him about Israel.
	And he says, yeah, you can ask that question if I can run you over first.
	And then he goes, I'm just kidding, just kidding.
	Which, of course, no matter what Trump had said, if he made that joke, we wouldn't be hearing the end of it for about a week.
	But someone pointed this out.
	He's not driving.
	Can he drive?
	Fake election, fake news, and now fake driving.
	And click on the next one because you can see they show, look.
	Oh, there he is.
	What the fuck?
	We have a president who's running the free world.
	He is the head of the most powerful machine on earth, America.
	And he can't drive a fucking car in an empty parking lot.
	That's pretty symbolic.
	Isn't that amazing?
	He's playing the passenger, but in the driver's seat.
	What is that stupid car?
	I don't fucking know.
	What is that dumb paint job?
	Looks like that Zambian car that that kid made.
	It looks like a bad guy from Batman.
	Is that Carmen?
	Get it out of here.
	Stupid paint.
	I drink a car.
	The President of the United States.
	Here's a funny story.
	Today I learned that a man is suing a TIL.
	I asked Ryan what TIL is.
	He didn't know.
	Correct.
	He's supposed to be Grunge.
	He's supposed to be a young man.
	In young vernacular, TIL is today I learned a Virginia man sued himself for $5 million, claiming that he violated his own civil rights by committing crimes and being sent to prison.
	He asked the state to pay the $5 million on his behalf since he was a ward of the state.
	Dude, if that works, that is pretty awesome.
	Isn't it?
	Is there more to it than that?
	No, it looks like not.
	Okay, so what's the Reddit?
	What's the link?
	Yeah, there we go.
	Auto-litigation.
	That's the thing.
	In 1995, Robert Lee Brock, a guest at the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Virginia, sued himself in federal court for violating his own rights.
	I caused myself to violate my religious beliefs.
	Unsurprisingly, Brock turns out to be one of those inmates who files frivolous lawsuits repeatedly until a court finally tells him to cut it out.
	But normally those lawsuits are aimed at a laundry list of sometimes celebrity defendants.
	That's probably why the judge who dismissed this case noted that he had presented an innovative approach to civil rights litigation.
	The one drawback being that it was totally ludicrous.
	Also very important news.
	I'm sure you're familiar with fear.
	Let's start a war.
	Remember that guy?
	They were on SNL.
	John Joseph of the Cro-Mags was at that show.
	I think Ian McKay from Minor Threat was there too, in the audience at SNL.
	And they told them to fuck shit up and be punkers.
	And they did.
	They wrecked the place.
	They wrecked NBC Studios.
	Great time.
	Li Ving was awesome.
	But actually, don't show this picture.
	Just look up Fear Li Ving.
	Or Fear SNL would be good too.
	She apparently on SNL.
	That's right.
	No, don't show that.
	Show Fear on SNL.
	It's in the icon in the top left, Ryan.
	That's what I clicked.
	Oh, so they just used a shitty thumbnail.
	Yep, those sons of bitches.
	Fuckers.
	That, to me, I know this was like the 80s, I guess, but it seems to me to be very recent.
	John Joseph and Ian McKay are in the audience right now.
	He's trends.
	Take side when there's six people.
	Okay, there he is.
	Rocking out.
	And then I saw this picture him the other day and I went, holy shit, am I old?
	Look at 1-4.
	That's him today.
	Pretty brutal, huh?
	He's the one on the left, right?
	No, the one on the right.
	Ooh.
	I can't even see that first guy in there.
	Yes, you can.
	The nose?
	Whoa.
	Time is officially passing.
	Also, in the news, very important, I sent you a lizard pic.
	And it's a lizard hanging out with a leaf.
	Now, I don't know what song you hear when you see this picture, but I hear Allison.
	Who does that one?
	It's 1-1 in the notes.
	Now, look at this picture and listen to this song.
	Don't lizards have cocks?
	He kind of looks like Elvis Costello.
	A little bit.
	How did they do that?
	Is that just luck, or is that a dead lizard that someone got creative with?
	Where's your dick, dude?
	Maybe it unsheaths.
	Don't worry, we're going to have some substance soon.
	Let's jump into a TV segment.
	Friends had a reunion, and Matthew Perry was drunk for it.
	Oh, this is him.
	He's now marketing shirts, white hoodies, based on how waisted he was.
	Are they broke?
	Those people?
	There he is.
	Could I be more me?
	He's looking pretty leavingy there himself.
	Somewhat turgid.
	You know, that's the problem with those boozers.
	We get a little flushed.
	We look like Pillsbury Doughboy.
	Looks like Harlan Williams.
	Click on the video, though.
	So jump ahead to where he's sitting there.
	Yeah, there you go.
	There you go.
	Go back a bit.
	I still reach out and touch base and have a call.
	I mean, I'm speaking for myself because I'm the only one that doesn't live in California.
	I live in New York.
	So that's been nice.
	While being a really close-knit group, we don't see each other, all six of us, a lot.
	We've only been together once nine years ago.
	I don't know.
	A lot.
	We don't see each other.
	Oh, it kind of reminds me of Martin Short, where he's...
	I'm not that strong of a swimmer, but that's not, that's totally different.
	I don't know why it reminded me of that.
	Six of us a lot.
	We've only been together once.
	It's just that Martin Short's characters are usually that sort of out Of it, oh my god, that just reminded me of something I got to send you.
	Show him talking again and tell me that's not a Martin Short character.
	We've only been together once, I believe, nine years ago, in the same room until yesterday.
	Okay, we're gonna go fast.
	I know this is like fast and furious.
	Hey, what are you doing?
	Did they not let him speak very much?
	We've all struggled with different obstacles and challenges, and I think in those times, it's been nice to be able to reach out and talk about it.
	Yeah, it's almost like they knew he was bombed.
	Very supportive.
	Very, very, very sexual.
	Okay, you know what that was?
	They said, so we're like siblings.
	And he goes, very, very, very sexual.
	You mean like siblings?
	Wait, go back.
	It's really honest and it's really doing, Ryan?
	You're driving me crazy.
	Very sexual.
	Go before that.
	I would assume sisters are like siblings, I would say.
	Good siblings.
	Very supportive.
	Very, very, very sexual.
	Yeah.
	What is Joey now Armand or Santa?
	What the fuck?
	He's like an old, like, Italian Hollywood guy now?
	Yeah.
	Dude, talk about embarrassing.
	This guy comes to my gym.
	He's new.
	I've told you about him before, but I just can't get over it.
	He's still coming in.
	First thing he does is set up the auxiliary with the Bluetooth and gets his mix on and plays himself.
	Himself doing trap music.
	That's awesome.
	His song, his band.
	And then he's sitting there skipping rope or whatever in an area, which is in the weight area, which is not where you skip rope.
	And there he is just grooving to himself.
	Is it good?
	I don't know.
	I can't tell with that shit.
	Yeah, true.
	It sounds like all the other stuff.
	That's probably a good sign, right?
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Let's play it safe.
	You can do that once.
	If you've been there for four months and your band just has a new demo, you can pop it in the cassette player and be like, hey guys, sorry to bug everyone, but check out my new songs on.
	Even that's kind of whack.
	Right, it is whack.
	Like, I feel like I would just directly email the person and say, hey, what do you think of this track?
	Is he announcing it?
	Like, hey, guys, this is me, or that's what gets him pumped up.
	It's for him.
	I think he's just, he can't have a dad.
	That's the whole origin of aren't you embarrassed?
	Is these people with no dads who dads have never said, stop that, click, turn it off?
	So he's just like, he's behaving the way you would behave if you were just alone on a desert island.
	So yeah, it's all for him.
	But if someone's impressed by it, yeah, sure, you should be.
	It's really good.
	But check out this thing I just sent you.
	And then, you know what we'll do?
	Yeah, we'll talk about TV shows and then we'll leave the free zone and get serious.
	Okay, this is Ed Asner.
	You're a little young to know who Ed Asner is.
	He was in some Curb Your Enthusiasms, but he was in the Mary Tyler Moore show.
	I think he was the editor of the newspaper she worked at.
	He was a grumpy old guy, but his background is comedy, straight man kind of comedy.
	It's not very funny.
	This is SCTV, which was a popular Canadian sketch comedy show that would lampoon terrible entertainment.
	This is real, but it is as bad as an SCTV parody.
	I cannot fucking believe this exists.
	This is Ed Asner doing a one-man show about his prostate cancer scare.
	Take it away, Ed.
	Ed Asner, in a man and his prostate.
	As you have probably guessed from the title, this play concerns my prostate.
	Picture me in an examination room.
	Before I knew what was happening, Dr. Karini had his hand in a latex glove and one finger deep up my hand.
	As to described my symptoms, I had to do so by combining English and Marcel Marceau.
	To indicate that I was getting up nine times a night to take a pitch, I went...
	Why couldn't he tell?
	I was breaking wind in ways previously unheard of by the human ear.
	There was a sonic booze, another butcher mine, an elderly Vietnamese woman slurping her noodles.
	Those are fake laughter.
	Look at the people in the audience.
	Yeah, the audio is laughing hysterically.
	Look at the one guy.
	So she's amused.
	He's like, what?
	He doesn't know why he's there.
	That guy's like, I better be fucking her tonight.
	I'm going to be really mad.
	She's almost best.
	And then the guy in the glasses is like, I can see how that's amusing.
	Yeah.
	It takes some thinking.
	There it is.
	That's the one I was looking for.
	I don't remember seeing one smile in there.
	That could be.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute.
	Something fishy is going on here.
	Because that's the same group.
	And you can see at the top, it sort of peters out.
	Yeah.
	Wait, is that all that's going to be?
	There might be 60 people there.
	In total total.
	And it's all his friends.
	Oi Vey, what a fucking embarrassment.
	This is new?
	That's from last year.
	Awesome.
	Poor guy.
	He's doing a one-man show, but he can't stand or memorize anything.
	So he's just reading from some notes.
	It's a book reading.
	Yeah.
	Nice one-man show.
	Speaking of TV, I cannot get enough of my new hit show, Secrets Uncovered, on oxygen.
	I mean, I've always said fiction is for fags.
	You go to see these things.
	I saw this one the other night called Plot Twist about this guy, drama club guy, and they find out he was using the ATM of some dead dude.
	And you go, what was all that about?
	Well, we didn't know he was dead at the time, and he killed his girlfriend.
	And they're really long.
	They can be like an hour and a half.
	So they take, you got to do them in small doses, I mean, in dosages.
	But you're watching and you're like, oh, I get it.
	Some ex-Marine, or sorry, some Marine, no such thing as an ex-Marine.
	Some Marine wanted to fuck his girlfriend.
	She had broken up with him, so he killed her.
	And then he went on the run.
	Got it.
	Okay.
	Wait, we're only a third in?
	Then you find out, no, some psycho drama club kid wanted his ATM card, so he killed him.
	Then he killed the guy's girlfriend to make it look like the first thing I just said happened.
	And he saw it off the head of the Marine and after stabbing, literally shooting him in the back of the head and cut him into pieces and then threw the pieces into various places all over town.
	And you go, wow, that's not even close to what I thought at the beginning.
	Then there's a third act and you find out the girlfriend, this is another great one.
	I haven't seen this one.
	I bet it's awesome.
	The girlfriend had basically brainwashed him into murdering the guy.
	This is not that, that's not the episode, but that's good too, I'm sure.
	So he ends up doing life.
	I think he gets the electric chair.
	I'm not sure.
	And then she gets 14 months for accessory to murder.
	Awesome show.
	I know I'm a chick.
	I didn't realize chicks were watching such cool shit.
	They do watch a lot of murder stuff.
	They love murder stuff.
	Are you just getting into this for the first time?
	Yes.
	Yeah, because I never liked that stuff, but I figured that comes with age, maybe.
	No, I just, I just, when it's chick stuff, it's like sucking dicks.
	It's not my cup of tea.
	But it is murder stuff.
	And I just started sucking a dick.
	I went, oh my God, these are delicious.
	Where have you been all my life, erect cock?
	But it's true.
	Now, I tell you what turns me off is that white-haired dude whose hair is like this, and he reads you a bedtime story.
	And he goes, Claire didn't know if she was going to find out where her dinner was coming from.
	Would it be from a friend?
	Or would it be from a long-lost love?
	Dude, can you just tell the fucking story and stop reading bedtime shit to me?
	But he's an integral part of the show.
	He's in at least, I don't know, a third of the episodes.
	So that's a great show you should check out.
	Then I also saw these two TLC shows.
	One was Finding Sister Wives.
	I'm not sure that's the exact name.
	You can just look this shit up on YouTube.
	I'm going to watch them on green screen because they are bizarre.
	So finding sister wives, you just presume, oh, it's some weird, like, Amish, whatever, Salt Lake City, Mormon thing.
	And I don't know that religion.
	I don't know that culture.
	But they've been doing it for generations and it's just weird and none of my beeswax.
	Then you watch and you go, no, they're just normal people who want to have a ton of wives.
	What?
	Oh, she's trying to get citizenship.
	So she'll marry them and then split.
	I was going to publicize.
	Eww, that kiss.
	So then there's another, there's a black dude who talks about his kingdom, and he doesn't, he doesn't, he's anti-gay.
	So when the girl that he's interviewing says, I'm a lesbian, I'm bisexual, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's fucked up.
	What?
	I assumed you were in this for the orgies, but he's not.
	Dude, that whole show.
	Oh, that's him.
	Wait, is it?
	This whole show is just a great example of how depraved we've become.
	What a tangled web we weave when we try to reinvent the wheel.
	Traditionalism is corny.
	Marriage is gay.
	I'm not doing it.
	I've got a new thing.
	And you go, all right, what are you doing?
	What are you throwing out?
	What are you replacing our society with?
	And then you look at it and you go, oh my God, you're monsters.
	You're disgusting, weird monsters.
	Ew, look at her touching her toes.
	Is that someone filming their TV?
	That's unlistenable.
	Okay, so that's a show we got to get deeper into, finding sister-wise, because the dudes are fucking losers.
	There's this weird beta dude with a little goateen.
	He wears a vest and a soft little sweatshirt.
	You know those sweatshirts?
	I hate these sweatshirts where the hood is all thin, like sock material.
	If you don't wear a hoodie, that's because it's cold out.
	So you put the big hood up and now you're warm, you're protected from the elements.
	But these new hoodies where it falls on your head like Darth Vader's boss, it's infuriating.
	They do suck.
	What's it for?
	When there's a slight breeze?
	Like when it plummets from 72 degrees to 68 degrees?
	Is that when you put on your little flim flam?
	Okay, last show.
	It's this albino adoption show.
	Adopting albinism or something?
	Just look up albino TLC adoption or something.
	And these people adopt kids.
	Great.
	I think it's great that you adopt kids.
	Thank you for doing that.
	We don't want them in orphanages.
	You provided them with a home.
	You're awesome.
	And then you go, wait a minute, why are you only adopting albinos?
	And you think, is this like they're coming across as heroes.
	Thank you so much for doing this.
	Can you not find it?
	Look up.
	Did you type in albinism?
	Yeah, that was the first one.
	Adopting albinism.
	Oh, true life.
	I'm an albino?
	No.
	No, no.
	It's on TLC?
	I'm pretty sure it's on TLC, yeah.
	I'll find it.
	It's about adopting albinos.
	Could it be on Netflix?
	Hmm, I don't think so.
	But anyway, say you have six, you adopt six kids, and they're all albinos, save one.
	Like, I guess the rationale is we want them to be comfortable around other albinos.
	Look, albinos, the second, say you're in a house with 100 albinos, the second you walk outside, you're a freak.
	So you better get used to it, okay?
	You can't go out when it's too sunny.
	You're going to burn.
	You look weird.
	That's them.
	What's their show called?
	Born with Albinism.
	Born with Albinism.
	So it gets to the point where they're just collecting them, I think.
	Whoa.
	And I live.
	And we're the Grabowskis.
	And we collect freaks.
	I can do anything more than that.
	We're the Gravalskis.
	We met at college.
	We were good friends for about eight months.
	And then we officially started dating.
	And married a year later.
	Yeah, the rest is history.
	Making pancakes.
	Making pancakes.
	Very much.
	Okay, so that was just...
	Wait, wait, wait, stop.
	What the fuck were you just doing?
	That was not a pancake.
	And what were you doing?
	The little dance with it?
	Tapping at it?
	Yeah.
	What is that?
	Oh, she's taking an edge off to eat.
	Oh.
	That's her first pancake she's ever made.
	That's not the physics of a pancake that I'd like to eat.
	Yeah, what are you doing?
	Carry much.
	Okay, so that is just with buckwheat flour.
	It just makes them look honey.
	Okay.
	Do kids like them?
	Yeah, they do.
	Or they've gotten used to them.
	Okay.
	Who puts buckwheat in your pancakes?
	What a bummer.
	Why don't you have a wheat chocolate bar while you're at it?
	Oh, wait, sorry, go back.
	So we had some kids and they died in a horrible electric flash.
	We have two biological children.
	Our oldest is Micah and he's 21.
	And our second oldest is Alex and he is 19.
	After we had both of our boys, we did try to have a girl for a while and that didn't work out.
	And so she's got empty nests in adoption.
	And we knew that China had so many little girls who were in orphanages.
	And they told us after the paperwork was submitted that it would be six to eight months before we were matched with a little girl.
	And so I dreamed of, you know, this little petite, brown-eyed, dark-haired little girl.
	And I opened my inbox on my email one day and it said, we have a referral for you.
	Up pops up this child with white hair and pale skin and blue eyes.
	Uh-oh, no thanks.
	They've just blocked them.
	That's a tough sell, dude.
	But I get it if they're, you know, good Christian souls and they go, okay, this guy's having trouble finding a home.
	We're not assholes.
	We'll take him in.
	That's cool.
	We advocate that.
	It's when you have six more, we start getting curious.
	And that wasn't the same child that I've been thinking about all this time, but we switched gears.
	I mean, within moments, we're responding.
	Yes, yes, yes.
	That's the kind of people we are.
	Okay, so.
	I'm not telling you to stop.
	I'm telling them to stop.
	Fine.
	You got it.
	You got a kid.
	You were cool enough not to be freaked out by the albinism.
	Now stop.
	But no.
	Okay, do you like the buckweed?
	No, bino sister again.
	Do you think it's kind of weird that they're kind of gray?
	Yeah, I said that the first time we...
	Is that a dig on her?
	Don't you think it's weird that they're gray and white?
	Do you think it's kind of weird that they're kind of gray?
	Yeah, I said that the first time we had them.
	I'm Lily.
	I'm 11 years old and I was the first to be adopted.
	What this is a long fucking tweet.
	Lily was born with albinism, which is an inherited genetic condition which causes light hair, light skin.
	Yeah, we're familiar with albinos.
	Albinism is an extremely rare condition that affects approximately one in 18 to 20,000 people in the world.
	See, this is what I'm talking about.
	This is, you know, these parents with the trans kids, where they're collecting children like action figures and putting them on a shelf?
	I think there's this bizarre tendency, just like the previous show where I said what a tangled web we weave.
	And then we get into this depraved, like sister-wife shit.
	I think we're so okay with everything that when someone develops a bizarre compulsion to collect humans, and by the way, she dresses them in all white.
	Yeah.
	So she'll have, like, I don't, they probably won't show it in this clip, but she'll, there's like seven or eight of them living in her house now, and they're all in all white, top to bottom.
	What the hell?
	Wait, but let's see the end of that.
	That was a little bit of a sink.
	And it can affect anyone in the world, regardless of skin color and race.
	Thanks.
	Anybody up yet, besides you?
	Sanctuary, I mean, like, most people are familiar with the term albino, but what they don't realize is that that term can be offensive or directly difficult to say that person.
	So now she has an oppressed child.
	Right.
	Now she's oppressed.
	Love me.
	Love my person of no color that I own and I collect.
	Anyway, we'll be getting deeper into that fucking bizarre show because just like that handsome dude who would interview handicapped people and he's like, I'm talking to someone today with no fucking face.
	And you go, that's cool of you, I guess.
	I'm assuming you have a variety of guests.
	And then you notice that 100% of his guests are brutally disfigured.
	And then he comes and he's the star of the show because he's so kind to speak to them.
	And then he comes across a guy whose body ends here, but the guy's kind of an alpha, an alpha stub.
	And he's like, so how many of these interviews do you do, man?
	And how long you've been doing it for?
	And the guy's like, I tend to Run the show here, and all of a sudden, he's not the super sweet guy pandering to the severely disfigured person, and he loses his identity.
	And you realize this isn't about them, this is about you virtue signaling.
	You fucking weirdo, you're collecting freaks.
	I mean, is that what Howard Stern does with his whack pack?
	How is this different from a whack pack?
	This guy is like a homicidal maniac.
	Not him.
	He survived some horrific burn.
	And look at him.
	It's so cool to talk to these people like they're human.
	It's hard for me to fathom that I'm this person compared to how I used to be.
	And now since I've reached this level of confidence, I want to have others and help them get there.
	I find joy in almost anything, and I love to make fun of people, especially myself.
	Imagine he's like, okay, let's go.
	Let's go, you and me.
	I love to roast people who are ugly.
	Here, you get me, and I'll get you one.
	Well, that's a key and peel sketch, right?
	Perfect hair.
	Oh, you know that one where the guy's in a wheelchair in the audience?
	And he goes, roast me.
	And he's speaking to you.
	He said, you told me to roast you.
	And he's like, I thought I could handle it, but I can't.
	All right, we're about to go behind the Pizay wall.
	But before we go, I would like to say thank you to our oldest running sponsor, Johnny Apple CBD, constantly harassed by Antifa and the SJW freaks, the tattletale journalists who pray for our demise every day, try to hack through our servers,
	try to fucking destroy this company.
	It's so weird that we've been sequestered to a corner of the internet where we can't be on YouTube and we can't have social media and all that.
	And we go, okay, we'll build our own thing there.
	And they just keep hammering us and removing our payment processors.
	We get a new payment processor.
	We sue people who take our credit card info.
	When Stripe tried to take our credit card info, we threatened to sue them, got it all back.
	Constantly fighting for the back end, just like Crowder is with his suing YouTube.
	And all of these sites have to constantly go through this.
	And the other thing they do is they attack our advertisers.
	So when you see Johnny Apple here for all of these years, you know that not only are they selling quality CBD, which includes isolates and wax supplements, pet-friendly CBD tincture, topicals,
	cookies, the cartridges, the stem vaporizer, the gummies for sleeping.
	The only thing I haven't tried is the gummies.
	I'm going to start trying those because I can't seem to sleep through the night.
	I keep waking up at like 4.30 thinking of the worst things in the world.
	Like what if my son gets sick or something?
	Do you guys get that?
	Is that a normal thing?
	The night terrors?
	This one has nighttime gummies with combined melatonin.
	So that's so precisely.
	I'm going to try that and get back to you next week.
	But yeah, thank you for putting up with all these assholes harassing you, johnnyapple.com.
	And then people say to us, you give us confusing messages.
	Is it johnnyapple.com or is it jacbd.com?
	The answer is yes.
	They were smart enough to get both URLs.
	So when you use the promo code Gavin, you get 20% off everything at jacbd.com.
	That's johnnyapple.com.
	Promo code GAVIN.
	Thank you to them for sticking by us all these years.
	And what was I going to say?
	Thanks to them for sticking by us.
	They did stick by us, yes.
	And oh yeah, and when you go to johnnyapple.com, you're helping to support the show.
	So don't get your CBD anywhere else.
	Go to tacticalwalls.com, go to NitaFashions, and go to johnnyapple.com.
	Okay?
	Because we need your help, too.
	We need your support to keep doing this shit.
	Anyway, we're now going to go through to the paywall.
	We've got a few more things to discuss.
	And then we're going to take some calls.
	And for you folks here just getting the freebie, the weekly freebie on the podcast, we end all shows with get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Your pops, very big, I'll kiss your pops.
	In plenty of work, nice your cock up.
	Let's have sexy sex pop, pop, pop, pop.
	I am not doing sex with my mom.
	Fuck you as I can with my cock.
	I assure you can enjoy a lot.
	Um I assure you can enjoy a lot.
	What are these Indian guys going for?
	A phone sex like Skype?
	I guess.
	I think just anything.
	Or just suck your boobs.
	Please, anything?
	Help.
	Like, show me a woman in the world going like how, when.
	Right.
	What's your name, Rajiv?
	That will not be happening.
	Maybe a hideous, hideous, disgusting fatty.
	It's very possible, but I don't know.
	So we have about an hour left of this show.
	We got a lot of shit to talk about, man.
	We can go chronological, but we're never going to get through it, you know?
	But you know what I did when I was doing this, laying it out for you, dude?
	I was putting shit I wanted to cover at the top.
	So we're just going to go through it one by one here because I purposely saved the shit that I could let die to the end.
	You know what I mean?
	Yes.
	Except for the final videos.
	You know what?
	Here's a fun idea.
	We never show the final videos on this live show.
	Yeah, that's true.
	Let's just go through some final videos, shall we?
	And we're going to hit the mother effing bumper.
	Okay.
	All you people who get freaked out by magic, you're stupid.
	When you see the craziest magic trick on Earth, this should be your craziest, craziest reaction.
	What?
	What?
	Wait a minute.
	I don't get how you pulled up the bag and there's no hole in the bottom of the desk.
	That was fucking good, man.
	You don't go, what that guy's magic.
	Magic doesn't exist.
	And if you do think the person's magic, you should be mad at them for not, you know, being in Africa and curing starving people or working for our military and like zapping bad guys.
	Zapping China's navy.
	Why don't we do that with your magic powers?
	Anyway, this was a great trick and it was fun to watch people's reaction.
	Ooh, a big jar of honey, I guess?
	Wait a minute.
	They're all yawning.
	Wait, this is fake.
	Oh, yeah, it is.
	It's fake.
	Because their reactions are like...
	Oh, we are so not even kind of impressed.
	Yeah, that is entirely fake.
	Eh.
	Where did you find this?
	I don't know.
	Fake.com?
	You know what?
	This is one of the very few times, not just in my life, but especially on the show, that I'm actually embarrassed.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	Yeah, he just said he was.
	Yeah.
	Sebastian.
	I feel kind of weird.
	Like, vulnerable to.
	I feel vulnerable right now.
	You know another time I felt like this?
	This was years ago.
	It would be 20 years ago.
	I was dating my wife.
	She wasn't my wife at the time, obviously.
	And a bird turted on me.
	And you'd think you'd go, when you get turted on, you'd think you'd go, oh, fuck.
	Yeah.
	Thanks, God.
	I'm like, okay, now I need a Kleenex really badly.
	And it turted on me.
	And it was like our fifth date or something.
	And I just felt this overwhelming embarrassment.
	Really?
	Yeah, I was surprised by it.
	But it's almost like God goes, you're a fucking.
	Flicks a little turd on your jacket.
	That's what I mean.
	And I was, I sort of went, oh, you're a fucking...
	Take my jacket off, obviously.
	You know what's weird?
	I remember she could sense how embarrassed I was.
	And she goes, they say it's good luck.
	I was like, yeah, I know.
	I don't even care.
	This jacket is fucking.
	You know what's weird is my girlfriend just had that happen too.
	Like she had, like, she's like, a little bird pooped on me.
	And I felt bad for her.
	I was like, ooh, that's a thing.
	The story, you got the story wrong.
	Well, I wasn't the person.
	Some guy tied her to the bed and took a dump on her chest.
	Oh, God, how could you even...
	You idiots.
	He calls her an idiot.
	That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard.
	You idiot.
	What'd you do tonight?
	A man defecated on my sister.
	Why?
	Is there an answer I could give you?
	Is there any possible answer I could give?
	Is there any reason I could give you that would answer that satisfactorily?
	I have to watch Moody Allen movies.
	Holy crap.
	You had to shit really bad.
	Is he a pedophile?
	What's the verdict on that?
	Oh, I don't know.
	I separate the man from his art.
	Oh, oh, oh, that's so disgusting.
	Because Michael Jackson, I still be bopping at his tunes.
	You be bopping at him?
	Oh, yes.
	I can't get it out of my head.
	What?
	Well, what we heard he did with the kids, and NSFW, you don't want to listen to this if you're sensitive.
	The boys would lie on all fours, reach back, separate their butt cheeks, and he would jizz on their buttholes.
	Oh, Michael Jackson?
	Yeah, not Woody Allen.
	Woody Allen did not.
	I don't know what Woody Allen did per se, but what you can lay on your stomach.
	You can't listen to eat it.
	Oh, no, that was Weird Al Yankovic.
	You could listen to Eat It.
	I can't listen to Beat It and know that he beat it off on kids' assholes.
	Right.
	I tend to just, I blank that out, like a victim.
	Because I feel like I'm a victim.
	I'd blanked out if someone was raping you.
	Right now, yeah.
	Well, I consider myself a Michael Jackson victim because I didn't want him to do that.
	And it makes it uncomfortable here.
	You're like me with the war movie vets.
	Speaking of war movie vets, check out 5-1.
	This is a kid joining me in my rank as a war vet who's never been to war.
	Whoa.
	Boom.
	Boom.
	If you have little kids, you need to couch like that.
	That's just a rule.
	You can't have a cool mid-century modern couch.
	It's got to have impact barriers.
	It's got to have bumpers.
	If you have a toddler in the house, you need bumpers.
	This is epic.
	Even the dog starts looking up in slow motion.
	I sent this 5-0.
	I sent this to my trainer as an idea for a thing I want to start focusing on to get my neck muscles.
	I feel like my neck's not as strong as it could be.
	Wait a minute.
	Should I be embarrassed again?
	Is he kidding?
	Yes.
	I think he's kidding.
	I don't know, dude.
	There's no one around him laughing.
	And they all look Chinese.
	Oh, yeah.
	This might be in China or something.
	What a fucking weirdo.
	I see some weird shit at the gym.
	Just people, like, really trying, like, way too hard.
	They're hurting themselves.
	Just to look ripped, but this is new.
	Is that neck muscles he's going for?
	There's a similar device that you could train your neck with, but I don't think he's doing it.
	Yeah, I've seen the boxers have that.
	The neck flex or something.
	It looks really weird.
	It's only like 50 bucks.
	It's worth it.
	And 4-8, I have it labeled Black's Swim.
	You ain't never been to the ocean, have you, girl?
	No, Daddy.
	I'm so glad you want me here.
	Come on, I'm glistening this shit off of you.
	Yeah.
	They call me Michael Phelps.
	Damn.
	Because I'll be out here swimming.
	You ain't even telling me you can swim.
	Yeah, hell yeah, I can swim, daddy.
	You okay?
	Huh?
	You okay?
	Sit up.
	Wait.
	Fit.
	Give me a floaty.
	Grab the floaty.
	Now I think everything's fake.
	This is also fake.
	Yeah, there's no way that's not fake.
	You did not think that was real.
	I did.
	No, dude.
	Here we have a new segment called Gavin Embarrasses Himself.
	Why is it like five in a row?
	Well, I have all these saved up.
	Okay, this better be real or I'm going to kill myself.
	This is the most embarrassed I've ever been on.
	This show is...
	What?
	Yep.
	If this isn't real, I'm Israel.
	I'm literally shaking as I make this.
	Yesterday, I DMed Bill Gates as a joke.
	Obviously, everyone's doing it.
	And I put it on my Instagram story, like, not expecting anything.
	And literally, the next day, I get a DM from him.
	He said I was on his side account.
	I cropped this.
	So I just woke up and I had a throttler on my bank.
	And I canceled my credit card.
	But the bank is saying that I'm going to be responsible for.
	That's not fake.
	I don't think that's fake at all.
	Thank Ghazad.
	But wow.
	Wow.
	That's pretty cool.
	Let's jump to the mailbag now that we're doing everything backwards and weird.
	It's the kooky episode.
	Ryan, shut up.
	You don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	We got to find a better picture.
	My fucking eyes in that picture are insane.
	That's not what they look like.
	That's what they will look like in 20 years.
	Gavin, the top shock video sites have all suddenly shut down in the last three months.
	Best Gore, Hoodsite, and LiveLeak all suddenly shut their doors.
	Don't forget Shismabin.
	Really?
	Get ready for WorldStar to stop putting the videos of blacks behaving poorly or they will be next from Mark the Cop.
	Huh.
	Good point.
	See what's happening here?
	The truth gets in the way of the narrative.
	So when they see lots of blacks behaving badly, it makes the cops look a little more sympathetic because they have to deal with this shit all the time.
	And that's not conducive to the narrative.
	Because the narrative is we live in a racist society.
	Play that Kamala Harris thing I sent you right before the show.
	Yeah, that one.
	America's racist.
	But after the president signs this bill today, our work will not be done.
	Here is the truth.
	Racism exists in America.
	Against whites.
	Xenophobia exists in America.
	From Muslims.
	Anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, homophobia, transphobia.
	It all exists.
	And so the work to address injustice, wherever it exists, remains the work ahead.
	My fellow Americans, it is my great honor to mention and to say to you what you already know.
	We have a President of the United States and one Joe Biden who is committed to this work.
	He is determined to, I will quote from him, give hate no safe harbor.
	And I'll tell you firsthand, I've seen what you know.
	His actions match his powerful words.
	Wasn't that beautiful?
	Dude, that has like evil villain vibe.
	Don't these people understand that as we talked about in that other book, what was it called?
	The Great Revolt.
	The Great Revolt.
	When you polled all of these middle Americans, they had two problems with the left.
	The Second Amendment, and they didn't like that Obama kept going around the world saying America sucks, America's racist, we apologize.
	That's what she's saying right there, that America sucks, America's racist.
	You can still be a wildly left person and not be hard on guns and not say America sucks.
	And that way you'll get a lot of moderates over to your side.
	But they don't seem to want that.
	I saw this really disturbing chart, by the way, of the election.
	Yeah, look at 4-0.
	This is a map of how, from our old buddy Nick Fuentez, how people voted by race and sex.
	Okay?
	So non-Hispanic, white.
	Look at non-Hispanic white males.
	It's second row middle.
	America's just completely red.
	It's dark red in some spots.
	And then you have African Americans, male, female, doesn't matter, blue.
	Hispanic has a couple of enclaves.
	I assume those are Hispanics that are like second generation.
	Asian, I'm surprised to see, completely blue with a few smart guys, and then other doesn't matter.
	But look at that difference between black and white.
	Like white males and blacks, because I was going to say black females, but it's the same for all black votes.
	Just deep, dark blue.
	So that means that if the election happened last year and it was the same demographics as, say, 1960, then it would be Trump, Trump, Trump forever and ever.
	Which is why the left constantly panders to blacks and Hispanics because they know they're not going to get white males.
	And that's why white males are considered evil in modern media because They vote wrong.
	And the Dems don't like that, and the media is pro-Dem because they're rich kids.
	And they never worked really.
	Dear Gav and Rye guy, I just wanted to say the site is really coming along by leaps and bounds.
	As you may or may not know, business is not really my thing, but I can't help but be impressed by how far the site has come in the time I've been watching.
	I'm no ass kisser, but it's honestly mind-boggling that you've been able to do this with the entire system stacked against you.
	I can barely fill out the fucking census form without getting frustrated and tearing the thing into pieces.
	If my bank was shutting down my payment plan, I think I would lose it.
	I can't even imagine how I'd react if someone was messing with my family over shit they had nothing to do with.
	Anyway, I just wanted to reach out and show support.
	Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
	All right.
	Gav, you said you liked mindless self-indulgence.
	Have you ever seen the bass player?
	Holy shit, check out Lindsay Way or Linz.
	I was in a band in 2007 and toured with them for a month.
	Not only is she super hot, she was also really cool and seemed pretty down-to-earth.
	Wow.
	What a fucking...
	The first picture isn't very good, but that's her hair covered.
	Oh my god.
	That is something.
	Your voice changed.
	That is something.
	Oh, my God.
	Turn to John Hamm from Madman.
	All right, this has been a real hodgepodge of a show.
	Let's start taking calls.
	I guess I'm scared because I know this is our last beer.
	That's too scary.
	You are on the air.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You want me to learn, Jerry?
	Understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great meeting from you.
	All right, next call.
	You know, we could also start doing the chat.
	If you're interested.
	You finally figured out the chat?
	I'm in the chat.
	It took a while.
	Took a hot minute.
	Does that mean it's bad software if it takes you a long time to sign up?
	No, it's that I had already either created an account or somebody created one for me, but the guy who runs the thing reset the password and gave it to me.
	Wait, someone else runs it?
	We don't own the chat?
	I think it's a mod or something that put together the rocket chat, something like that.
	Did you just eat a bone?
	I just bit into a stone.
	It was hard?
	I heard something hard.
	I got a napkin.
	What the hell was it?
	It's like a rock.
	What?
	Yeah.
	Maybe it was a lime vigin seed?
	No.
	No, no, you heard it.
	Like, my tooth hurt.
	Jesus.
	I called my wife initially and said, I got a bunch of porgies.
	I need you to start getting the beer batter ready.
	And she's like, we have two baseball games and boxing tonight.
	And I'm like, I'm the one taking them to boxing and just make it after the first baseball game.
	And she just hangs up.
	I mean, that's terrible.
	Fine, my work wife will make them.
	Who's that?
	You.
	Oh.
	I now understand that it's me.
	Call in.
	The number 718-400-6959.
	We have Vanessa Souza.
	Oh, God.
	Where's somebody talking about, Vanessa?
	Vanessa?
	Doad?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Am I the first caller?
	Yep, yeah.
	Nice, man.
	Welcome.
	Congrats.
	Oh, shit.
	Okay, hold on.
	Thanks for calling.
	It was great having you on the show.
	I appreciate it.
	Next call.
	That is so foul.
	But I, yes, that was the right thing to do.
	TLC.
	Joshua.
	Have you tried watching 90 Day Fiancé?
	What show?
	90 Day Fiancé, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	We've talked about it on the show a million times.
	Have you watched it?
	Thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling.
	How goodbye.
	How could you ask us if we've seen 90 Day Fiancé?
	Remember Caesar?
	Yeah, that was a big deal.
	Like, we've done some very serious deep dives on fucking 90 Day Fiancé, dude.
	Have you seen 90 Day Fiancé?
	Have you heard of the game show Survivor?
	Next call.
	Hey, by the way, somebody said they missed what happened with the chicken Bill Gates.
	I thought it was pretty obvious, but somebody DM'd her saying that it was Bill Gates' other account, got her info, and then took money instead of giving it to her.
	So she felt.
	She emptied her bank account.
	She gave all her credit card info because she thought she had to do that in order to get a free plane ticket.
	And she's liable.
	Right as it was cutting off, it said that she's liable for the expenses.
	Yeah.
	So that's what happened, sir.
	Okay, and we got Facebook on the line.
	248.
	What's up?
	248, you're online.
	One.
	Two.
	Dude, hello.
	Alright, thanks for calling.
	You're cut off.
	Dang.
	Snooze, you lose.
	Chaloo, you gotta snooze.
	Eric.
	Hi, Eric.
	Now I'm starting to think.
	Hello?
	Can you hear me?
	Ryan, we're doing something wrong.
	Eric.
	Check, check.
	You said Eric.
	Oh, okay.
	It doesn't matter what your fucking name is.
	What's going on?
	Yeah, 248.
	Oh, so yeah, no, you're supposed to.
	You're supposed to answer the other one first about fake boobs.
	Oh.
	I was supposed to be the next one never mind so turn it down Can you hear me?
	Yeah, I'm about to hang up on you actually thanks for calling your call that was great for tuning in thanks maybe don't be wasted when you call in I don't know Mercedes Hello Hello Sir just start speaking hi how's it going?
	Hello have you ever used a fucking phone before?
	anthony fucking didn't say on such a tv this was when uh milo was still on too oh that would really would have been kind of clutch and be like, yeah, yeah, you know, he's on Gav's network.
	I do a show with him on Wednesday.
	I mean, obviously, that's like the pipe dream.
	That's what you're daydreaming that he's going to say that.
	But I guess it really wasn't skirting it that hard.
	It just, it was so close to coming up and it didn't.
	That's about it.
	Yeah.
	It didn't seem like there was like don't mention him thing, you know?
	Right, right.
	And by the way, to sit here and say, I wish Joe had mentioned me or I wish, the guy did two interviews that had like 15 million hits.
	So it would be fucking insane for me to sit around and go, you think Joe could fucking throw me a bone?
	Yeah.
	Like, I don't fault that guy at all.
	Nick wants to talk about coronavirus vaccines.
	Yo, dudes.
	Yo.
	Yo, yo, yo.
	Yo.
	Hello.
	Hey, guys, you hear me?
	Yes.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hello, hello, hello.
	I can't hear you.
	I'm going to check.
	Are you trying to give me an aneurysm?
	That could be.
	I hear you now.
	I hear you now.
	I hear you now.
	Yo, I hear you.
	Okay.
	Alright.
	Can you hear me?
	Okay, thanks for calling.
	Okay, sorry.
	That was great.
	That was great.
	I get an idea.
	Just start talking out the gate, folks.
	Yeah.
	We can hear you.
	Alex, Army recruitment video, Godsmack as the Muse.
	Don't know what that means, but that's what you said.
	You're on the line, 469.
	Hey, what's up?
	Hey, man.
	Yo, what's up?
	Can you guys hear me?
	Don't say that.
	Just talk.
	Just go.
	Yep, okay, I gotcha.
	So if you search on YouTube, Godsmack Navy Military Commercial from the early 2000s, it's like one of the first results.
	And that's just, it's a real, you know, it's real freaky to take a look at that and juxtapose that to the shit that you're seeing nowadays.
	And it's actually a pretty badass commercial, too.
	It'd be good viewing.
	Okay, we'll check that out.
	He's right.
	I remember this commercial.
	This was epic.
	The fucking music in it.
	You know that POD song, Boom?
	Yeah.
	I wish they had used that in a military recruitment ad where there's a Humvee gets blown up.
	I talked about this a long time ago, and there's dust everywhere.
	And you go, oh my God, our guys are dead.
	Joe Biggs is dead.
	And then slowly out of the dust emerges like a Marine.
	He's like, is that all you got?
	That's pretty.
	Why does he sound like that?
	Is that your best?
	And then the other guy comes out.
	Is that all you got?
	Oh, okay.
	Take your best shot.
	And then there's some guy who gets up off the ground from the wreckage.
	Is that all you got?
	And then they go scale up to this thing.
	One of the guys does, he knocks out a jihadist.
	He takes his RPG and he aims it at this other jihadist camp that was about to blow them up.
	And he goes, and then it just goes, boom, here comes the boom.
	It's pretty fucking already.
	Whether you're not.
	Anyway, let me edit it cooler now.
	I have the whole plot in my head.
	I played it up to David Cho and got him, almost got him to join the military.
	Dude, that's a fucking awesome video.
	That sounds like...
	You got to time out all the booms and have a plot for a boom.
	Because the problem is, I just told you stole an RPG and he blew up a guy, but it's boom.
	Here comes the boom.
	Ready or not?
	How you like me now?
	This one's pretty cool.
	I remember this one.
	Is this real?
	Yeah.
	I remember this coming on like an MTV and shit.
	Navy.
	Accelerate your life.
	Fuck yeah.
	1-800 USA Navy.
	It all started on the beach of California where my two moms met each other and decided to adopt.
	Yeah.
	Things have changed, you know.
	Hey, yo, time for a yo.
	Angel Gonzalez talking about the vaccine.
	Hey, yeah, I'm just going to make this real quick.
	So I have a finance background, and I didn't really think that there'd be so much liberals in the financial industry.
	And I've been applying recently to a bunch of investment banking jobs.
	And I had an interview today, and they asked me if I was vaccinated.
	And if not, it was actually required.
	So I kind of want to know what your thoughts are on that and some advice of what I could do to avoid that.
	Thank you guys.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	That's pretty insane.
	You know what I realized?
	I almost wavered this week and I was considering getting it because it was getting so ubiquitous that my family would be separated from me at a baseball game and there's this great family moment and I'm in the non-vac section.
	But then I realized there's a billion old Puerto Ricans with flip phones and old black dudes and some fucking Slovak and some blue collar guy.
	You know those guys, mechanics were like, I don't like phones.
	I don't fucking to be on the New York Excelsizer thing.
	Excelsior, yeah.
	Excelsior, you have to have a computer.
	You have to be savvy.
	You have to know how to sign up.
	You need a phone, like an iPhone.
	You need to be able to carry your iPhone around and show people, right?
	So most of that demographic, the old timers, the blue-collar old timers, they might be able to carry around a piece of paper.
	So, and this is, we gotten shit for saying this about blacks, right?
	Them say that if you have any kind of ID restrictions, then blacks won't be able to vote.
	Okay, why doesn't that apply to this bizarre database thing you have to sign up for where you get a UPC code on your $900 phone?
	That seems a lot harder to get than ID.
	So I'll just be the old guy with like the without papers.
	Oh, yeah.
	And I'll be like, are you vaccined?
	Yes.
	Okay, well, you need to be on the New York exisal saw.
	And I'll be like, I have what I came to see the baseball.
	Yeah, yes.
	Even have a phone, just be like, all right.
	What?
	Just one finger?
	It's on the phones?
	What?
	I'll be an old Jewish guy with a button nose.
	What?
	You're making the phone with all the...
	I'm on the axlesaws.
	I have axle saws.
	I have saws.
	Extra large saws all over the place.
	Please.
	No, that will surely work.
	Hell yeah.
	Just take a long answer.
	I'm also saying they're going to get to the point where this isn't working.
	So many people can't be bothered to sign up.
	Like, all the yuppies, of course, do it in a second.
	And they go and get it and they get on the website and they get their fucking app.
	But we tend to overestimate how many people can just jump on the app.
	You know what's odd that I'm going through?
	So my gym just did this thing where the guy told me, he said, the owner said, if you have a vaccine, no masks.
	But it's just, you don't have to show us paperwork, just word of mouth, he said.
	I'm like, first of all, oral consent or like verbal consent or verbal confirmation.
	The honor system.
	The honor system.
	Word of mouth would be like, did you hear Susan got a vaccine?
	And then Susan does that.
	So now it's weird because just like liberals don't want to seem like conservatives wearing a mask, I don't want to seem like I got vaccinated by not wearing a mask, but I'm still going to do that.
	But I was struggling with that too.
	I didn't want to seem like I was a vaccine taker.
	Well, at least the true blue dudes will know you're either a vaccine taker or a cool liar.
	Yes.
	Hell yeah.
	Oh, they're going to shut down the show notes because I said it's cool to lie.
	Oh, fuck.
	Fuck.
	Somebody was asking in the chat, what do you think of Theo Vaughn?
	Who's that again?
	He's the guy who's like Southern Guy and he has like, you know, Tim Dylan on a lot, stuff like that.
	He's got the mullet, man.
	Theo Vaughn.
	He's got that podcast.
	Oh, I don't, I couldn't give less of a shit about him.
	He's just another boring fucking LA dude, another comedian.
	He's kind of based, kind of not.
	Yeah, I. You could not give less of a shit about those kind of guys.
	Eh, that whole LA comedy scene makes me puke.
	We got a, would you like to hear, would you rather?
	Sure.
	Okay, Lori Lightfoot rimming you while her husband blows you or reciprocal 69 toe sucking with Melinda Gates.
	I'll do it with the Melinda Gates thing.
	Dude, you're not good at this.
	When you add in a fag thing, it just changes everything.
	So people always just go, well, whatever isn't the fag thing.
	Would you like chocolate with shit on it or just a hot dog?
	It's like the hot dog.
	Well, like the problem with the gay shit too is you go, what?
	It's just a dick for two seconds.
	You can get over that.
	Like people eat like work in sewers and stuff and deal with stuff, pile of tampons dipped in a dead baby.
	And you go, yeah, yeah, but it's not the actual act, although I'm sure that would suck, literally.
	But it's like the next time you have sex, you're like, I sucked a dick.
	Right.
	So it's going to bother you.
	Or you see your wife sucking your dick and you're like, that's kind of like when I sucked a dick.
	That's what it feels like to be on the other end of that.
	Yeah, it bugs you forever.
	I know exactly what she's going through.
	Justin's on the line.
	Hey, guys, I'll make it quick.
	Yeah, so this Friday, I was out with some friends, and they work at a staffing company.
	And we were all kind of like drinking and whatever.
	And they told me basically, like in the most vague terms, they heard from management that when placing people in the jobs, don't give any consideration to white men, basically, and just push through women and minorities.
	And the one person I was talking about, who actually happened to be a minority, kind of pushed back on that.
	And then they were threatened to, quote, get in line or lose their job.
	I just wanted to know what your thoughts were about that.
	It's racist.
	It's affirmative action.
	It's fucking Soviet.
	We've been Sovietized.
	We had that guy on last week who had to go to a gulag.
	Thanks for calling.
	That's the thing.
	Did I mention this yet?
	The gulag?
	He said, I don't, this bitch is fucking lazy.
	Anonymously said, women don't belong in the military.
	And then, so he criticized the establishment and then he had to do hard labor for 46 days.
	That's what a gulag is.
	What's that?
	Doodle camp.
	Oh.
	I'm trying to do Groundskeeper Willie.
	But the gulag thing.
	So we've been Sovietized.
	So we have gulags, we have censorship, we have the state deciding who gets what job.
	And it's kind of worse because in the Soviet Union, it was one entity that decided all this.
	Now it's this amorphous mob of critical race theory floating through the sky.
	I mean, it's still Marxism, right?
	Critical race theory is Marxism.
	But it's gone beyond just government control.
	We now have these civilians working to rat on other civilians.
	It's a self-perpetuating machine.
	That's the spookiest part about the whole thing.
	Next.
	Megan, 310.
	Hello.
	Hi.
	Just wanted to tell you guys that you were talking about the weirdos with the dating the midget.
	Have you checked out The inner able relationships on YouTube, where it's like beautiful women and they're dating like the most handicapped guys ever.
	Like they're literally showering them and wiping their asses.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Well, I think we're both thinking of the same couple too when you say that, right?
	Like there's that little tiny guy.
	Oh, wait, here's another one.
	Yeah, it's squirmy and grubbed.
	Yeah, the one where he's a head and then his body is like a little kid's body and he has kind of a funny list.
	Yeah, wait, you just pass it, I think.
	Yeah, that one.
	Spermy and grub, but it's like a rabbit hole.
	If you just go into that, it's like so many and I'm like addicted and I'm like, Anthony, come here, where it's like six hours of all these videos.
	Okay, we've got to green screen these because I only knew of one couple like this, but now that you're we're looking into it, they're fucking everywhere.
	Why can't my friend get a date?
	My able-bodied six-foot-two pal can't get anything under 300 pounds on Tinder or whatever it is.
	Wait, is Tinder gay?
	No, grinder's gay.
	And then you look at these freaks and they're surrounded with hot chicks.
	Yeah, this chick with Squirmian Grubs, she's stunning.
	Like a model, and she has the most amazing body.
	And I tell my husband all the time, it's wasted on him.
	Squirmian Grubs.
	Well, yeah, that's the one I was thinking of.
	Oh, my God.
	Whereas someone drew him wrong.
	They drew the head too big.
	That looks like, yeah, New York City caricature.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So this guy, yeah, they're just crazy, but definitely, that's all I wanted to mention because you were been talking about it the last couple of weeks, the weird couples with their fetishes, and this is one of them that just fascinates me but grosses me out at the same time.
	Okay, thanks for calling.
	Yes, it's official.
	Okay?
	They're not in love.
	I'm sorry.
	This is depraved virtue signaling.
	He's happy to get some pussy, but she is sucking his dick and whatever she does sitting on his face.
	I can't see them actually.
	There's a lot to sit on there.
	She sits on his face and her pussy is just like in between his eyebrows.
	It's like, what's that paddleboarding?
	She stands on his face.
	But let's listen to some of this and their cute and funny relationship.
	I don't know if you needed to mention that on your video.
	You were already told not to watch it.
	We are not going to be held liable.
	Shane is really passionate about this, if you haven't noticed.
	I thought this was going to be like a 10-second word for three.
	No, I don't want that.
	I can now make this video and speak freely without worrying that Anna or Jack or your dad.
	Yeah.
	Or your anyone.
	No one.
	College professors.
	Oh my God.
	Don't watch it.
	Yeah.
	If you're on the border between should I watch this or should I not, don't watch it.
	Don't watch it.
	If you're going to talk to us about it, don't watch it.
	Yep.
	Try and stand like boom.
	Done.
	Turn it off.
	Okay?
	Use them on.
	Moving on.
	And look, and they're always so public about it, you know?
	Not that the ones that aren't public wouldn't, I wouldn't know because they're not on YouTube, but look at how much she's enjoying this attention.
	And look at the way she's looking at him.
	In that animated GIF.
	A lot of responses, a lot of questions.
	Does Shane's disease affect my sex drive or his sex drive?
	No, I'm more interested in facts than ever.
	And then she's like, oh, believe me, he gets pretty darn frisky.
	You'd be surprised.
	Let's leave it at that.
	Wow.
	Look, she washes his ass and stuff.
	This is like, it's almost like pedophilia.
	Where she's the one 100% in charge, and she's caring for him and holding him like he's a little inept child, yet also fucking him.
	And he's probably super uber-duber-duber grateful and in love.
	Dude, I would be super grateful right now with this normal body if she was fucking me.
	Someone started mowing our lawn.
	Which needs to happen every time.
	Let's look at another one.
	Thanks a lot, Carla.
	Now we're in the fucking interable.
	We got to do a whole show on this, though.
	Another couple.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Another interable couple.
	I'm familiar with Squirmy and Grubs.
	But what was, yeah, let's hear them.
	Look at that.
	So we've come up with this list and we hope you like it.
	So let's start it off, D. What's the number one advantage of dating me?
	Okay, number one.
	People think I'm a superhero and I'm so brave and I'm so non-judgmental and I'm so I'm the least shallow person they've ever met and they talk about how wonderful I am.
	One is we get great parking.
	The accessible parking is a big perk.
	Those rainy days that we go there, you don't have to run farm, mix up your hair.
	I know you go to a busy event and they just say, come on right through.
	Oh my god, we've used it at grocery stores, at the movie theaters, at the beginning.
	It must be great to be unable to move anything below your neck.
	I'm buying this one.
	You know what?
	Because the other one, you know how she was smiling the whole time to be like, yeah, you could do it.
	Go ahead, talk.
	Like you're in front of kids.
	She's kind of like, yeah, this is.
	The only time I'm buying it is if they were in a normal relationship and he had an accent, she stood by him.
	Oh, I see.
	But I don't think that's what this shit is.
	Me, obviously, too, because I don't have to go.
	Like, sorry, I've seen so many guys get dumped because they're 5'8 ⁇ .
	No offense.
	What?
	I'm not.
	Or, like, they like Trump.
	Or they wet the bed.
	Or, like, how many guys do you know that have been dumped because they party too much?
	And she's like, he kept coming home at four in the morning and I wanted to go out the next day.
	Yeah.
	All right, that's enough.
	I should just start claiming I have like a disease.
	I got to be like, babe, I'm going to myself to do a whole thing on that.
	I'm going to become an expert.
	You think, I mean, an equally shitty reason, but maybe they're so self-conscious that they think that they're a disgusting piece of shit.
	And they're like, I just need somebody who worships me and think I'm perfect.
	Nope.
	It's exactly the same as the albino adopters and the my two-year-old is trans.
	It's all about me, me, me, me, me.
	And I'm using someone else as an accessory.
	That's how depraved is that?
	Like, the way liberals see blacks as pets.
	That's not unique to them.
	We've got all kinds of people using their own children as pets or using some poor bastard in a wheelchair as a pet.
	I hope that's not wild.
	Now, what about the midgets?
	That's right on the line.
	Because, like, you know, Wee-Man from Jackass?
	Yeah.
	He doesn't seem like a freak to me.
	No, but Vern Troyer does.
	Verntroyer's not a normal midget, dude.
	He's like a weird dwarf shrinky guy.
	But We-Man, if you were dating Wee-Man, I wouldn't think, oh, you're just doing that to Virtue Signal, right?
	I'd just go, you're dating a fucking short guy.
	Let's see that again?
	That's about right.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, that's just Ryan and his girlfriend going for a walk.
	Hey.
	With fatter legs.
	I'm the short one, aren't I?
	Yes.
	So where do you draw the line is the million-dollar question.
	Oh, wow.
	You're right.
	That's them together.
	What, my two eyeballs?
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Yeah, We-Man is probably like 5'1 or something.
	And his body's not that weird.
	Although, that would be pretty weird if you were a chick, having that guy just on top of you, just pounding into you.
	Like a very strong 10-year-old.
	He does pretty well with the chicks.
	That's the beauty of fame.
	Oh, I find it so confusing.
	We got Johnny.
	Here's a litmus test.
	You just go, how would you feel if it was your sister?
	Your sister goes, I have a new boyfriend.
	You go, oh, cool.
	I can't wait to meet him.
	Then she comes over.
	This is a little tiny guy.
	Oh, hi.
	You fuck my sister?
	Me fuck you.
	You could call it that.
	Johnny got written up for work for not taking temperature, and boss is a fucking loser.
	Just wanted to blow up some steam.
	You're on the line.
	First of all, first of all, I'd like to say that the first few callers were fucking retards.
	They were worse than those girls' boyfriends.
	Let's be real.
	I'm going to have a strong call, okay?
	Thank you guys.
	It's already going really well.
	Yeah.
	Big fan, big fan.
	I took your advice like a year and a half ago.
	I got a trade.
	I got my welding certs.
	I got hired at the most commie fucking loser welding shop ever, dude.
	My boss told me to vote for Biden.
	Fucking making us wear masks and like take our temperatures and shit.
	It's so stupid.
	I worked with my foreman at a pizza shop five years ago, and he wrote me up today for not wearing my fucking mask.
	What a cuck.
	What city is this in, if you don't mind me asking?
	Fucking San Diego.
	Oh, yeah.
	I hate it when tradesmen are cucks.
	Like, if they've been compromised, what's left?
	Exactly.
	I thought I was in a safe fucking spot.
	My old foreman was cool as fuck, liked Trump, didn't wear masks.
	Everything was cool.
	And now it's like literally for fucking months, our safety meetings were talking about Trump and fucking, you know, getting vaccines and shit.
	It's fucking bogus, dude.
	It's like, I'm going to have to move back to New York.
	Oh, my God.
	What an absolute mess.
	But what about Northern California?
	I've heard good things about it there.
	About it there?
	Yeah, the farther you get away from the coast, you're fine.
	But, I mean, I like to surf, so what the fuck?
	I heard Manhattan Beach was pretty conservative, too, but that's starting to change.
	Did you hear that?
	Yeah.
	I mean, you get pockets, man.
	It's a transplant.
	I mean, everybody wants to come here, so you find good people.
	It's just, it was like the fucking Twilight Zone, you know?
	I go through this whole thing, this whole career change at fucking 33, and get into the trade, and then it's the same fucking shit in the restaurants.
	Like, whatever, man.
	What a mess.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	But I bet Welders will be better absolutely everywhere in the world you go.
	What are you trying to do there?
	Show this question.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	So would you rather?
	Would you ask?
	Your friend's asked.
	We can come or eat a pussy at the same time with him.
	Well, Jesus Christ.
	Obviously, the ladder.
	Correct.
	The ladder is not gay.
	I've double-teamed girls.
	Orally?
	No.
	That seems tricky.
	But I've had my dick bonk another guy's dick while we're running around taking care of a lady.
	And I liken it to two guys digging a hole.
	And if you're digging a hole and your shovels clink, you just go, uh-huh.
	You don't go, oh, oh.
	Now, putting my finger in a guy's ass, I'm aiding and abetting in the ejaculation of his penis.
	Correct.
	So that's gay.
	And now, as I said earlier, I've done a gay thing, and it's going to bug me.
	Aiding and abetting.
	Next call.
	I think I might be ready to ink this bitch.
	Got rocks.
	727, you're on the line.
	Hey, how are you?
	Hello.
	Can you hear me?
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	Hey, can you hear me?
	Yes.
	Okay, good.
	Yes.
	I was thinking about the That's My Mama story, about that girl.
	No, what are you talking about?
	She found out the lady on the show was actually her mom later, her favorite show.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I was thinking if whites weren't so scared to tell blacks they look like other blacks, she probably would have figured it out earlier.
	Someone would have told her.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Well, I also wanted to recommend Edge a song to begin the show with, The Loser by Derek Harriot.
	You probably heard it.
	Okay, we'll look it up.
	Thanks for calling.
	The Loser?
	I'm not a loser.
	Derek Harriot.
	I mean, what are the odds of a song suggestion are going to be good?
	Anyway, that's...
	That's slowing things down.
	What's it, a Ska song?
	Next up?
	We got Scott Cooper on the line.
	Hey, Kevin.
	So I had a question a couple times that you get super hammered and then wet yourself.
	And so as a married guy, I wanted to find out, A, if you were joking on some of those.
	And if you're not, how does that happen?
	Are you in bed with your wife when you're wetting yourself?
	Or what's the deal?
	I'm in bed with her, yes.
	And what I usually do is I get up and I get towels.
	I don't know how it happens.
	It happens when I'm asleep.
	And then I go and I sleep on the towel.
	And then I'll wake up later and that towel will be wet.
	And then I'll go get another towel.
	And usually like two towels absorbs 98% of it.
	But it's a bad habit.
	And I better figure out how to get out of it or I'm going to get fucking dumped.
	It's not a good look.
	What is your wife saying when it happens?
	Well, it's funny.
	When we were dating, I did it once, and she was sick, and I came to visit her, and I made her soup or something, and then passed out wasted.
	And she woke up, and there was just a penis with a fountain of pits in a big arc drenching her futon.
	And she was like, I don't want to start getting serious with this guy because this is going to happen for the rest of my life.
	And she was right, and it did.
	She fucked up in that sense.
	But yeah, she's gone from like screaming, crying, and not speaking to me for days to now just kind of numb to it.
	And she'll just be like, you wet the fucking bed again.
	You want to get some diapers?
	Should I get you diapers?
	And then she'll throw the sheets at me and I have to go wash them.
	I am disabled.
	You're like her drunk adult baby now.
	Yeah, she actually said that.
	It's like Grimes and Stubbs or whatever.
	And I know we're not doing two things, so I'm not going to, but I'm in Northern California up above SAC.
	And we're conservative up here, and it's a good place.
	Well, you got a welder coming your way in about a week, so start saving up your welding jobs.
	Right.
	All right.
	Thanks.
	Bye.
	Hey, guys.
	Cool.
	Thanks.
	That joke didn't go down very well, did it?
	No, I thought you were dead serious.
	Well, I meant that welder that just called.
	Yeah, yeah.
	No, it's true.
	So you thought I seriously wanted him to save up some welding jobs.
	Well, he's not in the power to do that, but it's not a ha-ha joke.
	It's more like a A. But he didn't say A. Tasha.
	You're on the line.
	Tasha's on the line.
	Tasha's on the line.
	Tasha's on the line.
	Virginia Tech.
	Maybe that'll help.
	Sometimes this speech to text gets wonky.
	Hey.
	Yep.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey, dude.
	Hey.
	Hey, John.
	I'm going to turn this radio down.
	Yes, please.
	Oh.
	The street at 1.20, Mike Skinner's drummer is wearing a Periela shirt.
	Oh.
	And Fred Perry, you mean?
	It was my birthday recently.
	Yeah.
	I'm sorry?
	Fred Perry, you mean?
	Yeah, I'm sorry.
	Yes, Fred Perry.
	Okay.
	Oh, God.
	Yeah.
	Oh, God.
	By the way, sometimes your grammar is pathetic.
	It's ubiquitous.
	You don't know the me and her and the she and I and the he and I. So you are nobody to put anybody in their place.
	And Ryan, quit playing with your hair, bro.
	I have to say that.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	Hey.
	Hey, look, it was recently my birthday on the 13th, and I've been with you since Red Eye, and I always thought you were like the most important person in my life, Gavin, because you were dumb, and you succeeded,
	and my IQ is higher than you could count, and I have become an absolute drunk than I used to be.
	And now I'm a graduate of Virginia Tech.
	I had like three or four or five minors.
	But what I want to tell you is Virginia Beach is a great place to live because it's got the Navy and it's got Norfolk and Northern Virginia, D.C., and North Carolina.
	You can go anywhere you want to.
	Virginia Beach, look into it.
	Great.
	Yeah, I've been there a few times.
	What does ubiquitous mean?
	Ubiquitous means it's saturated within all of your shows.
	No, give me the dictionary definition of the term.
	It's kind of like omnipotent or like omnipresent.
	Not omnipotent.
	That means that means.
	Yeah, it means all things at all times.
	It's like God.
	And you rarely would ever use that term unless you're talking about the existence of God.
	So people have been a little looser with it, and now it tends to just mean everywhere or like the term like.
	You'd say the term like is ubiquitous.
	Everyone is using it all the time.
	But I know that ubiquitous means all things at all times.
	And you didn't define it very well just then for someone who's such a genius.
	Oh, well, meanwhile, back at the ranch, yeah.
	Well, if anybody else keeps going saying, oh, I like it so much.
	Thank you so much.
	The whole so much thing can die.
	That's a pop culture thing.
	And I'd like to be hired by you for free.
	And I buy your plane ticket anytime you want to come down to Southern Maryland.
	I'll do it.
	All right.
	Sounds good.
	Thanks for calling.
	Tudaloo Man and happy birthday.
	Tudaloo, motherfucker.
	Tom Green.
	Someone talk about Tom Green.
	Okay.
	I discovered him.
	No.
	Really?
	From that public access show?
	Sort of.
	Wild.
	Tom Green.
	Yeah, Tom Green.
	Yeah, great guy.
	I grew up upside Toronto.
	I know you grew up in Ottawa, and I know for a minute there in the 90s, you couldn't go two minutes without this fucking Tom Green and his bullshit rap.
	But then I saw him get big on MTV, and I thought, wow, you know, this guy really hit the big time.
	Then I just saw Joe Logan of him about six months ago, and he was the biggest COVID paranoid pussy.
	And I was like, this was the guy who showed his ass on TV, and now here he is, this big COVID pussy.
	And anyway, I was just curious what you know about him, if you knew him, whatever, growing up in Ottawa and all that.
	Yeah, I mean, he was pretty famous pretty fast.
	He was doing his public access shit, very brave stuff, prank calls, like, sorry, college radio stuff with prank calls and shit, really adventurous and weird.
	And then his band was a joke band.
	I think they kind of copied their jokeness from my band, Eno Chinook.
	But from the age of 18, he sort of catapulted to fame.
	I think what happened with him and Drew Barrymore was that he was really insecure about the fact that she was so rich and he wanted them to have the same kind of money.
	So she's like, let's go to Paris for our honeymoon and stay at this beautiful hotel on the beach.
	And he's like, no, we can't afford that.
	She's like, I can.
	And it eventually let, their marriage fell apart because of it.
	So he's a high-quality dude, but maybe he's become pussified by being famous for so long.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	But yeah, I'll never forget hearing him on the radio and then meeting him later on, you know, like that month and just going, dude, I heard you doing that fucking crazy call where you made the guy walk in to a pizza place and hand the pizza guy the phone.
	And then you told the pizza guy that you're being kidnapped by that dude and he's there to murder you or something.
	And I go, you're fucking going places, I promise you.
	And I was right.
	Next call.
	Undercutters Pizza.
	Navy Joe.
	Hey, guys.
	Hello.
	Just calling to say, forget about going to Virginia.
	Just two days ago, their little league coaches have announced they have to do diversity training, so you do not want to go to Virginia.
	Jesus Christ.
	I recommend where I moved.
	I left California, went to Northwest Georgia.
	Everyone still has Trump signs up.
	And it like MLB can go to hell and baseball rules here.
	Wow, that's a good sell.
	So what's the state again?
	Northwest Georgia.
	Okay.
	What are you near?
	Atlanta?
	I'm near Barry College.
	And there's also, there's a, let's see, you got Barry College up here.
	You got.
	Is it near Atlanta?
	What's that?
	Is it near Atlanta?
	Hour away.
	Ah.
	All right, well, check it out.
	Thanks for coming.
	Nice enough.
	Okay, sure.
	Have a good one.
	Bye.
	Looks like paradise with the mountains.
	Yeah, that's the problem, though.
	You look up any town.
	And it looks like fucking paradise.
	They're not going to put the shitty places.
	One of the arguments that a lady had made when she called in is that some of these towns, although like basically little utopias, that they lack culture.
	And I couldn't find myself thinking that that was a problem.
	But what do you think about that?
	Yeah, I think that kind of turns me off with Florida is the lack of history.
	And we have such a tall order.
	Like I was talking to my wife about this, and she wants, you know, weird ex-punk guys who are artsy fartsy, but not like...
	Dangerous.
	No, it doesn't care about dangerous.
	Don't finish my fucking sentence for me, you retard.
	Artsy fartsy guys who are not like Jeremy Scott, but like, you know, our friends.
	Like someone with a tattoo of Mickey Mouse going like this.
	That kind of thing.
	I want ex-cons and cops.
	My daughter wants like normal hipster Billie Eilish types.
	My sons want baseball.
	So the last, the sons is easy.
	The girl's tricky because that's why I kind of liked Asheville where she could go and, you know, go take the, or she could drive into town if we're like 40 minutes from Asheville.
	And then I would get my rednecks.
	And my wife could also go to Asheville for her weirdos.
	But then I was thinking like Mickey Mouse Tattoos, Giving the Finger is also like Nashville.
	You know, it's got that weird background to it.
	And then I'm easy, me and the, as usual, the boys are easy to please, right?
	My boys just want baseball and I just want ex-cons and cops.
	So I just, if I'm like 30 minutes from Asheville, I'm sure I'll have a dive bar with those kind of people in it.
	But finding a southern town where we're not going to be ostracized, but we can also be around the kind of people who do ostracize.
	You know what I mean?
	It's a tall order.
	I don't envy you.
	And it's funny because we had that in Williamsburg in the early aughts.
	Like it wasn't political.
	You could have redneck kind of culture in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
	Guys did have, you know, they dressed like bikers and had big long beards and stuff.
	That's gone forever, though.
	All right, next caller.
	I'm really looking forward to it, but great to see you.
	And congratulations on your Drew Barrymore show?
	Yep, we saw that.
	She had Tom Green on.
	I know, we talked about it.
	Hello.
	Fireside chat artist.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hey, I was wondering if you've ever heard of Donut Operator on YouTube.
	He looks at kind of like cop.
	He's an ex-cop.
	Not an ex-cop.
	He used to be a cop, but He has a video where it's look it up.
	It's called Cop Dodges Bullet and Takes Out Suspect.
	Crazy enough, it's a lady cop.
	Oh, shit.
	She's part of the 1% that deserves to be there.
	Exactly.
	Well, check that out.
	Thank you for calling.
	Oh, yeah, I've seen this dude a million times.
	But I do want to see a chick dodge a bullet.
	50,000 people.
	Exciting.
	Thank you so much for coming.
	Contact with Dent was caught on one of those ring doorbell cameras, and it's clear as day what happens.
	Deputies approach the house.
	They're kind of joining a circle.
	Deputy Vought knocks on the door.
	That's when the 56-year-old suspect leans out with a gun, points it at her head, and pulls the trigger.
	Here he is.
	Here he is.
	Wow.
	Deputy Vaught dodges the shot, pulls her own firearm out, and single-handedly puts the dude.
	Let's see that again.
	Deputy Vaugh.
	She kind of put her hand behind my face, huh?
	Jeesh.
	Alright, let's do one more call.
	And this is my masterpiece, by the way, I finished today.
	One more call.
	Wait.
	This might be tough to line up.
	Alright, let's just show the main camera.
	I guess I have to figure out why he's falling.
	Maybe he's screaming.
	Luke, advice?
	Yo!
	Hey, I've been looking up to you, Gavin, just for, like, you know, promoting the family and everything.
	I'm a young 22-year-old with a one-year-old.
	So we've been going through some shit, and I've been keeping you in mind, just trying to stay in this relationship and be a man, not be a fucking idiot, and have your, you know, fiancé divorce you.
	Have your fiancé divorce you?
	No, no, no, no, no.
	Like, we, you know, have some ups and downs and stuff.
	But after, like, postpartum, you know, after the baby, just no sex drive.
	Like, I haven't had sex in, like, you know, you know, probably like three or four times this year.
	And I just want your advice on, like, trying to get to her, you know, talk to her, you know, about this and what I should do.
	Yeah, you just got to fix it, man.
	You got to not rape her, but kind of get a little more physical and make it happen.
	And part of that is not beating off, where she's can, they can sense when you just sort of want it, but you don't need it.
	But you have to sort of make it clear that this has to happen.
	And a lot of the times, divorces happen because the guy doesn't fight hard enough.
	And then she wants him back because she realized she was wrong.
	I mean, it's not a democracy relationship.
	It's a benevolent dictatorship and you're the boss.
	You're driving the boat.
	And if you guys split up, it's because you let the boat crash.
	It's not up to her.
	When she says, I think we should probably end this.
	It's not working out.
	You got that young little kid.
	The answer is no.
	We're not doing that.
	We're making this work no matter what.
	And that's just the way it has to be.
	You're going to make this happen.
	It's not up to anyone else.
	You have to make this work.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	That's it for the show.
	We've got a new Josh Denny pilot coming up and a few other leads I'm working on tomorrow.
	And we might pound out another show for tomorrow.
	I'm not sure.
	We'll see how Josh is doing with his pilot.
	Anyway, in the interim, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	All of these milk and milkies comments and milk wagons and all of that.

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