Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #99 - AFRICAN JAZZ (Part 1)

May 22, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

56:21

GOML LIVE #99 - AFRICAN JAZZ (Part 1)

In this raging hodgepodge of a show, we go from random comments about terrible TV shows to the Final Video, then back to the Mail Bag and finally, we take some of the worst calls in the history of this network.

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	Milk and Milky's comments and milk wagons and all of that.
	Oh, and you know, it's me, it hurts my feelings.
	Yeah, hi there, and you open up your clothes.
	Oh, I'm from New York.
	Show me nice bits of your gloves.
	Get off my lawn with Gavin McPinnis.
	Let me make it big, hello, bitches on your pops, very big your pops.
	Let's have sexy sex, cough off thud Hello?
	What was that?
	That was just sort of a meme song where they are mocking, I guess, those Indian dudes who get on social media and say, Let me see your bobs.
	Can you open up your cloth?
	That's the chick from those commercials.
	You know, we had the same manager for a while.
	I recognize her.
	Yeah, she's like the commercial chick with the huge bobs.
	Indie app is a dating app if you're an Indian, buddy.
	Send me neck to pick.
	Bitch design.
	Your bubs are very big.
	You know, I heard what they do?
	It's called Romeo calling.
	Where they just open up the yellow pages and they just call a female name.
	They're like, hello, would you like to have sex with me?
	And how?
	They guess they have phone sex?
	You know, they have so much time.
	I bet what they do is they just call.
	Whoa.
	Is that a Romeo dial?
	Hello?
	Who is this?
	This is a free call from Linda Smith.
	An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
	This call is not private.
	It will be recorded and may be monitored.
	If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number.
	To accept this free call, press.
	One, to refuse this free call.
	Thank you for using Securis.
	You may start the conversation now.
	Hey.
	Hello.
	How you doing, Mercedes?
	I'm doing great.
	How are you, Gavin?
	Good.
	You're live on the air.
	I am live on the air.
	Well, thank you.
	So you're talking to 25,000 people right now.
	Well, hello, 25,000 people.
	Is there a particular message you want to say to them all?
	Well, I love all of you.
	That's pretty simple.
	I miss all of you.
	Any progress on your case?
	Oh, I'm just sitting here rotting in jail.
	And the courts haven't quite reopened.
	And my, you know, it's amazing the head games that they play out here in this district.
	My DA has the nerve to say that it's my responsibility to throw her a deal.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, this is what San Bernardino County does.
	Wait, I don't get it.
	It's your responsibility to throw her a deal.
	Yes, yes, and it better be in the high double digits.
	Otherwise, you know, she's going to make sure that this trial is very hard on me.
	So she wants you to come up with your own plea deal, and it should be to the tune of like, what, double digits, like 99 years?
	Yeah, and if not, then she's going to make sure that this trial is very hard on me.
	So there was a covert threat wrapped up in this.
	Yeah, this is what I'm dealing with out here.
	And I told you the story about Melinda Thomas.
	They sentenced her to 18 years on the church.
	So it should have been in 18-month things.
	This is what I'm dealing with out here in San Fernandina County.
	It's nuts, you guys.
	Well, I don't think it's just San Bernardino County.
	It seems to be the American justice system these days.
	Oh, yeah.
	We're in, you know, people talk about, you know, how could the Nazis have done this?
	Or how could people have gotten away with this in Soviet Russia?
	We're in it, people.
	I'm a canary in a coal mine.
	I'm telling you guys, you know, I go to court and some of these cops, they look at me and they go, oh, gosh, you know, we know you don't belong here.
	And I think to myself, well, you guys are doing this to me.
	Yeah.
	You know, we had a caller the other day who said women don't belong in the military and they sentenced him to 46 days of hard labor.
	And I just realized that's a gulag.
	That's what a gulag is.
	Yes.
	Well, we're in it right now.
	You know, when I talk to these cops, and a lot of these cops know I shouldn't be here, and I go, well, you guys are doing this to me.
	So every single one of you who knows I shouldn't be here, and yet you're doing this to me, I mean, you guys have to understand they put me in chains, like medieval chains.
	I mean, like Jeffrey Dahmer sells chains every time they transport me to court.
	I have one set of clothing all week.
	I have been waging a mini war all week long.
	They gave me a blanket that's stained with some other woman's menstrual blood.
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, I think it was hazmat.
	Yeah.
	And I've been having to wage a war all week just for the last week to just try to get a different blanket.
	I mean, this thing should have been in a hazmat bag.
	Mercedes, I can't hear you very well because you're on speakerphone in order for everyone else to hear, but I got to get back to the show.
	Okay.
	Love you guys.
	I love you all.
	Write me letters.
	Make sure they're in clean envelopes.
	We just put your address up on the screen.
	Okay.
	Love you.
	Bye.
	Bye.
	That's Mercedes Carrera, porn star who is MAGA, who has, I believe, has been framed with some crazy pedophile charge.
	I do think it's likely there was guns and meth in the same place, which is part of her charges, but I do not believe she molested her daughter.
	You're innocent until proven guilty.
	Anyway, that was a kooky call to get.
	We have fish tacos here that Ryan made at home and brought into the studio.
	Aya yai!
	And I caught them.
	That's right.
	It feels good to catch your dinner.
	There's something sort of primal about it.
	So let's test it out, shall we?
	I should put on some fishing all day today off the coast of Long Island.
	Taco music.
	This is really good.
	Right?
	What's the white stuff?
	That better not be cum.
	It's cum.
	Ryan!
	Not again, right?
	No, it's crema.
	What's that?
	Just like a Mexican sour creme.
	Hmm.
	It's really good, but you can't really go wrong with beer batters, right?
	I use the king of all beer batters.
	What's that?
	Butter barger.
	Oh.
	Hmm.
	Garnish with a little bit of radish on there?
	This doesn't make for very good radio.
	No, I'm going to go in.
	Don't do that.
	I sent some pictures of the fish trip today.
	This is black people's food.
	I was fishing off the coast of Long Island and there's boats that have been rented.
	I think it's $45 for four hours.
	They take you out in these big party boats.
	They give you a rod.
	And the beauty of this fish, Porgy, oh, I should have played Georgie Porgy.
	I love you, Porgy.
	Don't let him take it.
	Is that Nina Simone?
	And the beauty of Porgy's is there's no real limit.
	Like you can have 40.
	Now, there's not a very meaty fish.
	I'll show you the batter.
	I'll show you my prize.
	And that was six 10 to 11 inches.
	When I say an 11 inch, I mean like from the lips to the very, very end of the tail.
	So what these black guys do is they catch them all, then they just descale them, chop the head off, and fry all of that.
	And then they pick away at it.
	And this guy was explaining to me, he's like, excuse the imminent racism, but this is cops in the Bronx.
	There's something about black people, they like picking at stuff.
	He wasn't trying to be offensive.
	He was being nice.
	And he's like, they love chicken.
	I don't like that.
	I like getting it.
	I like steak.
	I like when you get the food and it's there.
	But they like picking away at stuff.
	Like this, I had to have it filleted.
	And then he took the spines out.
	Like, go back to that video you were going to show.
	You see how little meat you get.
	Don't let him handle me.
	Yeah.
	We let him handle you, okay?
	I mean, it's nothing.
	And that still has to be de-skinned, that piece he just took off.
	And then it still has to get de-boned, like the spine part taken out.
	So black people just have the whole bottom half of that.
	And then I guess with the knife, you pick away the meat from the bones.
	Hey, we're all different.
	Different cultural tendencies.
	But yeah, I did that all day today.
	Boy, it was fun.
	You have a sinker with a worm, and we had this worm with pincers on it, and we had blood worms too.
	And then a clam.
	Guess how much a little container of clam bait was?
	Four bucks.
	$13.
	Jeez.
	That's a robin fish.
	Most fishermen just kill those because they don't have any natural predators.
	They're too spiky.
	And so they just eat all the babies and they ruin fishing for everyone.
	So you catch that, you open up his guts and you throw him back in.
	What else do you got there?
	It's a big fin.
	Do they breach the water?
	That's what I asked.
	I go to those fly.
	I said, no, they don't fucking fly.
	I was like, well, all right.
	What else do you got there?
	I've got mine.
	Come on, fun day.
	See.
	Someday I know he's coming.
	This is Barry Beckett, my fishing buddy.
	So he bleeds them first.
	So we keep them in that little well so they stay fresh.
	Then we get to our destination to whatever you call them.
	Stab them.
	What do you call it when you get the meat off?
	Philem?
	Philem?
	Or there's a better word for them, I'm sure.
	I forgot it.
	Anyway, you bleed them out, and that makes it makes it better.
	So you let them swim around there in the blood for a bit.
	They don't really die.
	Hey, jihadists, if you're out there trying to convert fish and you want to smite E above their necks, that's not going to kill them.
	Keep going.
	It does hurt, though, right?
	This poor guy?
	I'm sure it's wildly uncomfortable.
	Keep showing fishing pics, fuck lips.
	I keep opening this up and...
	Yeah, previews can be a bitch sometimes.
	All right, so we got those.
	Yep.
	We got those.
	And you just drag them onto the app.
	There we go.
	That's his boat.
	You know these boats that you see, these wheeler boats, they're like used, or they can be 90 grand.
	Oof.
	That's fucking expensive.
	What's that little blue thing there?
	Keep going.
	Okay, Ryan, come on, dude.
	We can see your whole background there.
	What are you doing?
	Every time I try to open it, it doesn't work.
	Same thing last time.
	Remember last time?
	Well, figure out a way to do it where it's not annoying to everyone in the world.
	There's a crab?
	You should have seen his weird little face.
	Zoom in on him?
	Not Barry, but the crab.
	Oh, that's me.
	Look at that.
	He's got a weird little bit.
	You can't really see it there, but he's got a weird little beak.
	His snout.
	Yeah, he's got a tiny little mouth.
	That seems like a shitty design.
	I think God sometimes looks at some of his work and just goes...
	Is it an edible fish?
	A crab?
	I don't think so, no.
	There he is again.
	Let's speed this up, please.
	A little slideshow.
	You know, now you're showing everyone all the pictures.
	Come on, we're killing the momentum.
	That's either a flounder or a fluke.
	I'm not sure which.
	Those have to be like 13 inches Before you can keep them.
	Next.
	Keep both eyes on one side.
	Thanks, Ryan.
	We've already seen that.
	We've seen that.
	So that's what I got from six 10-inchers.
	And then show the pile of beer-battered shit that you had on your stove.
	You sent that to me, right?
	Yeah, I emailed it to you.
	Okay.
	So I brought it all over to Ryan's, and they said, I'm going into the studio, meet me later, and bring tacos.
	We will warm them up at the studio.
	And that's what we did.
	And yeah.
	I don't think I have that one.
	I think I sent it to you very recently.
	It would be in your recent sends.
	Sometimes I accidentally send these to myself, though.
	The last one I got was the compound boss's tweet.
	Okay.
	No, it was before that, for sure.
	Tweet, tweet.
	I'm sending it to you now.
	It's called Beer.
	Gotcha.
	But yeah, it turned out delicious.
	They came out real good.
	Like, couldn't this be beer-battered dog shit and we'd be talking about how yummy it is?
	Possibly.
	I believe the fish has a good amount of, like, innate flavor, though.
	Yeah.
	You could definitely tell what's just batter, what's just not.
	Well, the black dudes were sure digging them.
	We ended up just following their boat around.
	Hmm.
	Yeah, and then you got some cabbage, finely chopped, tossed in lime juice.
	So how did you prepare that beer batter?
	How does that work?
	Explain that to the folks at home.
	It's an easy little recipe there with use flour, cornstarch, salt, chili powder, beer, and one egg.
	And then you make the dry stuff where you just flour.
	It's really just flour.
	And some salt pepper.
	Okay.
	And then you, you know, you take them, you put them in the flour, then you put them in the batter, and then you fry them.
	It's really nice.
	I've never cooked.
	Don't you double dip them?
	No, some people like to double dip.
	I don't like to double dip.
	So you take the fish.
	Then you get too much breading on there.
	You put it in flour, you get it all floury both sides, right?
	And then you submerge it in the batter.
	And then you put it in the oil.
	How much oil do you have?
	How deep?
	Like two or three inches.
	Oh, really deep?
	Like a lot of oil.
	I used my cast iron skillet, and then you just let that get really hot.
	Don't put more than like six pieces in there.
	Otherwise, it'll cool the whole temperature down.
	Oh, I see.
	And then what are you going to do with that oil now?
	You got to put it in a Ziploc bag when it's completely cold and then you throw it away.
	This has been a long intro to get to Tactical Walls.
	TacticalWalls.com, 20% off for everyone who uses a promo code Gavin.
	We've been building the new studio and I set up my Tactical Walls shelf there on the wall.
	And again, the main thing they do is you can display your gun collection in a beautiful, easy-to-grab, fun way.
	But they do a million different things.
	The guy is a vet, very handy.
	They made us that cool shelf that I put up in the new studio.
	Places to hide your gun equipment in cool secret spots.
	They also do stuff just for organizing your office and organizing your bike, your sports equipment.
	Go to the site, tacticalwalls.com and just peruse it.
	And I guarantee you, you'll see something you like 20% off.
	And you're supporting patriots who support us.
	Look at that.
	Look at that variety.
	So you're supporting someone who busts their ass, keeping America great, war vets who put their life on the line for this country.
	And you're helping them develop their business and help employ Americans during the pandemic.
	I mean, it's win-win-win.
	I can't see a scenario where going to tacticalwalls.com and using the promo code Gavin doesn't benefit you and the country and the show.
	So please do.
	Also, a little note on yesterday's or last show's sponsor, Nita Fashions.
	I don't think I made it clear enough.
	Maybe you could put this on the screen.
	They don't go around the world anymore or they won't until this pandemic ends.
	So you contact them and set up an appointment.
	So that's info at nitafashions.com.
	No, no, that's the email address we want you to mail it to.
	Info at nitafashions.com.
	Maybe it's on the site.
	See if you can find it under contact.
	Yeah, contact does.
	Sales, no, it's info we want.
	So, I don't know.
	Can you type that out and make it appear on the screen nice and big somehow?
	You can put in post.
	Definitely put in post.
	Okay, well, we're live now.
	So just type it out in your email.
	Go to your email and make an email that says info at nitafashions.com.
	See, this is what I was trying to grab you well before the show started.
	So you go there, you make an appointment.
	All you need is a measuring, right?
	You know, if you don't have that Taylor's tape that has the numbers on it, like the Taylor measuring thing of a doodle, you could just take a string, you do the measurement, and then you go to a measuring tape and you stretch it out.
	You know what I mean?
	So any shoelace, you go around the neck as he tells you to, you pinch that, then you undo it, and then you lay it out on a measuring tape.
	Anyway, you get all your measurements.
	You get your, the range of prices is great too.
	You can get a $60 shirt that fits you perfectly like pajamas.
	You know how uncomfortable you are when you do the top button with your tie?
	This is nothing.
	If you can get your finger in there, all your suits become PJs overnight.
	And that helps you in meetings.
	It helps you be more successful at work because you're comfortable and you're not sitting there going, having a panic attack, dreaming of getting home and putting on your fucking sweatpants.
	So we got that done.
	We've featured everything about the fish.
	Man, I am fucking stuffed even from those two bites.
	Oh, damn.
	That's enough for Nina Fashions.
	They're doing every second week.
	I think we can start the show now.
	Right?
	We've done some promos.
	We explained why there's a plate of fish tacos on the thing.
	I showed you all the pictures of the fish.
	Wait, did you show the picture of me holding my fish?
	No, you didn't.
	No.
	Dude, you got to figure out a way to fucking handle pictures.
	Like, it's sub-1950s.
	We did see that.
	You have the picture of me holding up my...
	That?
	Yeah.
	You showed that one?
	Wait, the zoom isn't right, but yes.
	Well, I must have been looking down.
	That's a good trick, by the way, when someone's photographing your fish.
	You put it close to the camera.
	You've got the face on the fish cropped.
	Yeah, there we go.
	He looks kind of freaked out, doesn't he?
	Yeah.
	Black people eat those by the dozens.
	Pretty damn good.
	Yeah, delicious.
	The chicken of the sea.
	All right.
	This is a totally random thing that my buddy sent me.
	And he was like, how is this hunting?
	So it's an ad from some Chinese company.
	It's a picture I sent you.
	No, no.
	Nope.
	Yep.
	And it's obviously, you know, foreigners doing stuff.
	And they're talking about how great this flashlight is.
	Lighting is kind of weird, right?
	You sit on a car and you can, I guess, see the sky better.
	No, you can't.
	There's no flashlight that lights up the universe.
	Walk, well, you mean walking, but okay, sold.
	Gotcha.
	Camping, that looks amazing.
	The camping is really cool.
	Wow, you really lit up that place.
	You can set up your tent in the dark.
	Expedition, that looks more like spelunking, but sure, you could argue that's an expedition.
	And then fishing, sure.
	You already said camping, but okay.
	Reading, yep, night walk, that's similar to walking.
	And then the reason I brought this to the show to your attention is obviously human hunting.
	What the fuck are you talking about, dude?
	Hunting?
	What are you hunting?
	What's down the stairs?
	A bear?
	There's no animals down there.
	And he doesn't have a weapon.
	So I guess he's looking for people to kill.
	It's a rapist.
	Raping, it should say.
	This is a great raping flashlight.
	Like woman pussy hunting.
	I mean, what else could that be?
	There's no weapon involved, and it's not a place animals go.
	Anyway, cute ad for raping.
	Also, so this is the new thing at the beginning of the show.
	It's just random clown world news and silly things I've noticed on the World Wide Web.
	Justin Trudeau, this is one too, has a shitty HP computer.
	He probably has to use it because everyone in the government uses it and they have protocol.
	But it's not cool, an HP or whatever it is, a Google Chrome pad or some shit.
	But maybe you need all the different ports.
	I don't have notes.
	What?
	You didn't get the notes?
	Well, when you said you didn't have the opening song, I assumed that you had the notes, but you couldn't find the opening song.
	Okay.
	Well, this is a problem.
	It's in the scent?
	No, it was never sent.
	I didn't get the scent.
	So here's me making a mistake now.
	The flashlight would have come in handy for this.
	Although you could have said, hey, I didn't get the notes for today's show.
	Sometimes live, we don't do notes.
	That's why I was like, oh, we're going noteless.
	So what he does is he puts a...
	You get me?
	Like, even that's TMI.
	But you can tell by the number of ports on the side that it's not any kind of MacBook.
	They never have fucking ports, which is a very annoying feature.
	I can't believe they do that.
	I don't know why the fuck they do that.
	Is that cool?
	And so he sticks a fucking Apple sticker on it.
	And you can see the HP through the Apple.
	Oh, yeah.
	What an imbecile.
	Why would you do that?
	Like, I can see doing that if you're 12 and you live in a trailer park and you're embarrassed that you're poor and all the kids have apples and you don't want to be known as the poor kid.
	So you put a stick around, but you're going to get made fun of.
	You know what that reminds me?
	Jump ahead to 1-7.
	Remember the commercial that was big?
	I think it's gone viral since I saw you last, but he swirls around and someone asks him about Israel.
	And he says, yeah, you can ask that question if I can run you over first.
	And then he goes, I'm just kidding, just kidding.
	Which, of course, no matter what Trump had said, if he made that joke, we wouldn't be hearing the end of it for about a week.
	But someone pointed this out.
	He's not driving.
	Can he drive?
	Fake election, fake news, and now fake driving.
	And click on the next one because you can see they show, look.
	Oh, there he is.
	What the fuck?
	We have a president who's running the free world.
	He is the head of the most powerful machine on earth, America.
	And he can't drive a fucking car in an empty parking lot.
	That's pretty symbolic.
	Isn't that amazing?
	He's playing the passenger, but in the driver's seat.
	What is that stupid car?
	I don't fucking know.
	What is that dumb paint job?
	Looks like that Zambian car that that kid made.
	It looks like a bad guy from Batman.
	Is that Carmen?
	Get it out of here.
	Stupid paint.
	I jumped a car.
	The President of the United States.
	Here's a funny story.
	Today I learned that a man is suing a TIL.
	I asked Ryan what TIL is.
	He didn't know.
	Correct.
	He's supposed to be Grunge.
	He's supposed to be a young man.
	In young vernacular, TIL is today I learned a Virginia man sued himself for $5 million, claiming that he violated his own civil rights by committing crimes and being sent to prison.
	He asked the state to pay the $5 million on his behalf since he was a ward of the state.
	Dude, if that works, that is pretty awesome.
	Isn't it?
	Is there more to it than that?
	That looks like not.
	Okay, so what's the Reddit?
	What's the link?
	Yeah, there we go.
	Auto litigation.
	So that's the thing.
	In 1995, Robert Lee Brock, a guest at the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Virginia, sued himself in federal court for violating his own rights.
	I caused myself to violate my religious beliefs.
	Unsurprisingly, Brock turns out to be one of those inmates who files frivolous lawsuits repeatedly until a court finally tells him to cut it out.
	But normally those lawsuits are aimed at a laundry list of sometimes celebrity defendants.
	That's probably why the judge who dismissed this case noted that he had presented an innovative approach to civil rights litigation.
	The one drawback being that it was totally ludicrous.
	Also very important news.
	I'm sure you're familiar with fear.
	Let's start a war.
	Remember that guy?
	They're on SNL.
	John Joseph of the Cro-Megs was at that show.
	I think Ian McKay from Minor Threat was there too, in the audience at SNL.
	And they told them to fuck shit up and be punkers.
	And they did.
	They wrecked the place.
	They wrecked NBC Studios.
	Great time.
	Li Ving was awesome.
	But actually, don't show this picture.
	Just look up Fear Li Ving.
	Or Fear SNL would be good too.
	She apparently shows on SNL.
	That's right.
	No, don't show that.
	Show Fear on SNL.
	It's in the icon in the top left, Ryan.
	That's what I clicked.
	Oh, so they just used a shitty thumbnail.
	Yep, those sons of bitches.
	Fuckers.
	That to me, I know this was like the 80s I guess, but it seems to me to be very recent.
	John Joseph and Ian McKay are in the audience right now.
	He's trans.
	How many stage do I have when there's six people in the crowd?
	Below you.
	Below you.
	Okay, there he is.
	Rocking out.
	And then I saw this picture from the other day and I went, holy shit, am I old?
	Look at 1-4.
	That's him today.
	Pretty brutal, huh?
	He's the one on the left, right?
	No, the one on the right.
	Ooh.
	I can't even see that first guy in there.
	Yes, you can.
	The nose?
	whoa Time is officially passing.
	Also, in the news, very important, I sent you a lizard pic.
	And it's a lizard hanging out with a leaf.
	Now, I don't know what song you hear when you see this picture, but I hear Allison.
	Who does that one?
	It's 1-1 in the notes.
	Now look at this picture and listen to this song.
	Don't lizards have cocks?
	He kind of looks like Elvis Costello, a little bit.
	How did they do that?
	Is that just luck, or is that a dead lizard that someone got creative with?
	Where's your dick, dude?
	Maybe unsheaths.
	Don't worry, we're going to have some substance soon.
	Let's jump into a TV segment.
	Friends had a reunion, and Matthew Perry was drunk for it.
	Oh, this is him.
	He's now marketing shirts, white hoodies, based on how wasted he was.
	Are they broke?
	Those people?
	There he is.
	Could I be more me?
	He's looking pretty lea-vingy there himself.
	Somewhat turgid.
	You know, that's the problem with those boozers.
	We get a little flushed.
	We look like Pillsbury Doughboy.
	Looks like Harlan Williams.
	Click on the video, though.
	So jump ahead to where he's sitting there.
	Yeah, there you go.
	There you go.
	Go back a bit.
	I still reach out and touch base and have a call.
	I mean, I'm speaking for myself because I'm the only one that doesn't live in California.
	I live in New York.
	So that's been nice.
	While being a really close-knit group, we don't see each other, all six of us, a lot.
	We've only been together once you've got nine years ago.
	I don't know.
	A lot.
	We don't see each other.
	Oh, it kind of reminds me of Martin Short, where he's, I'm not that strong of a swimmer, but that's not, that's totally different.
	I don't know why it reminded me of that.
	Six of us a lot.
	We've only been together once.
	It's just that Martin Short's characters are usually that sort of out Of it.
	Oh my god, that just reminded me of something I got to send you.
	Show him talking again and tell me that's not a Martin Short character.
	We've only been together once, I believe, nine years ago, in the same room until yesterday.
	Okay, we're gonna go fast.
	I know this is like fast and furious.
	Hey, what are you doing?
	Did they not let him speak very much?
	We've all struggled with different obstacles and challenges.
	And I think in those times, it's been nice to be able to reach out and talk and support this.
	Very, very, very sexual.
	Okay, you know what that was?
	They said, so we're like siblings.
	And he goes, very, very, very sexual.
	You mean like siblings?
	Wait, go back.
	It's really honest and it's really doing, Ryan?
	You're driving me crazy.
	Very sexual.
	Go before that.
	I would assume sisters are like.
	Red siblings, I would say.
	Red siblings.
	Very supportive.
	There's very, very, very sexual.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	What is Joey now Armando-Sante?
	What the fuck?
	He's like an old, like, Italian Hollywood guy now?
	Yeah.
	Like, I know you guys are.
	Dude, talk about embarrassing.
	This guy comes to my gym.
	He's new.
	I've told you about him before, but I just can't get over it.
	He's still coming in.
	First thing he does is set up the auxiliary with the Bluetooth and gets his mix on and plays himself.
	Himself doing trap music.
	That's his song, his band.
	And then he's sitting there skipping rope or whatever in an area, which is in the weight area, which is not where you skip rope.
	And there he is just grooving to himself.
	Is it good?
	I don't know.
	I can't tell with that shit.
	Yeah, true.
	It sounds like all the other stuff.
	That's probably a good sign, right?
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Let's play it safe.
	You can do that once.
	If you've been there for four months and your band just has a new demo, you can pop it in the cassette player and be like, hey guys, sorry to bug everyone, but check out my new songs on.
	Even that's kind of whack.
	Right, it is whack.
	Like, I feel like I would just directly email the person and say, hey, what do you think of this track?
	Is he announcing it?
	Like, hey, guys, this is me, or that's what gets him pumped up.
	It's for him.
	I think he's just, he can't have a dad.
	That's the whole origin of, aren't you embarrassed?
	Is these people with no dads?
	So dads have never said, stop that.
	Click, turn it off.
	So he's just like, he's behaving the way you would behave if you were just alone in a desert island.
	So yeah, it's all for him.
	But if someone's impressed by it, yeah, sure, you should be.
	It's really good.
	But check out this thing I just sent you.
	And then, you know what we'll do?
	Yeah, we'll talk about TV shows and then we'll leave the free zone and get serious.
	Okay, this is Ed Asner.
	You're a little young to know who Ed Asner is.
	He was in some Curb Your Enthusiasms, but he was in the Mary Tyler Moore show.
	I think he was the editor of the newspaper she worked at.
	He was a grumpy old guy, but his background's comedy, straight man kind of comedy.
	It's not very funny.
	This is SCTV, which was a popular Canadian sketch comedy show that would lampoon terrible entertainment.
	This is real, but it is as bad as an SCTV parody.
	I cannot fucking believe this exists.
	This is Ed Asner doing a one-man show about his prostate cancer scare.
	Take it away, Ed.
	Ed Asner, in a man and his prostate.
	As you have probably guessed from the title, this play concerns my prostate.
	Picture me in an examination room.
	Before I knew what was happening, Dr. Karini had his hand in a latex glove and one finger deep up my hands.
	As to describe my symptoms, I had to do so by combining English and Marcel Marceau.
	To indicate that I was getting up nine times a night to take a piss, I went...
	Why couldn't he talk?
	There was a sonic booze, another butcher mine, an elderly Vietnamese woman slurping her noodles.
	I like the vestibule.
	Those are fake laughter.
	Look at the people in the audience.
	Yeah, the audio is, they're laughing hysterically.
	And letting me share my thought tape with you.
	The Vietnamese woman slurping her noodles.
	Look at the one guy.
	So she's amused.
	He's like, what?
	He doesn't know why he's there.
	That guy's like, I better be fucking her tonight.
	I'm going to be really mad.
	He's almost pissed.
	And then the guy in the glasses is like, I can see how that's amusing.
	Yeah.
	It takes some thinking.
	There it is.
	That's the one I was looking for.
	I don't remember seeing one smile in there.
	That could be.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute.
	Something fishy is going on here.
	Because that's the same group.
	And you can see at the top, it sort of peters out.
	Yeah.
	Wait, is that all that's going to be?
	There might be 60 people there in total total.
	And it's all his friends.
	Oi Vey, what a fucking embarrassment.
	This is new?
	That's from last year.
	Awesome.
	Poor guy.
	He's doing a one-man show, but he can't stand or memorize anything.
	So he's just reading from some notes.
	It's a book reading.
	Yeah.
	Nice one-man show.
	Speaking of TV, I cannot get enough of my new hit show, Secrets Uncovered, on oxygen.
	I mean, I've always said fiction is for fags.
	You go to see these things.
	I saw this one the other night called Plot Twist about this guy, drama club guy, and they find out he was using the ATM of some dead dude.
	And you go, what was all that about?
	Well, we didn't know he was dead at the time, and he killed his girlfriend.
	And they're really long.
	They can be like an hour and a half.
	So they take, you got to do them in small doses, I mean, in dosages.
	But you're watching and you're like, oh, I get it.
	Some ex-Marine, or sorry, some Marine, no such thing as an ex-Marine.
	Some Marine wanted to fuck his girlfriend.
	She had broken up with him, so he killed her.
	And then he went on the run.
	Got it.
	Okay.
	Wait, we're only a third in?
	Then you find out, no, some psycho drama club kid wanted his ATM card, so he killed him.
	Then he killed the guy's girlfriend to make it look like the first thing I just said happened.
	And he saw it off the head of the Marine and after stabbing, literally shooting him in the back of the head and cut him into pieces and then threw the pieces into various places all over town.
	And you go, wow, that's not even close to what I thought at the beginning.
	Then there's a third act and you find out the girlfriend, this is another great one.
	I haven't seen this one.
	I bet it's awesome.
	The girlfriend had basically brainwashed him into murdering the guy.
	This is not that, that's not the episode, but that's good too, I'm sure.
	So he ends up doing life.
	I think he gets the electric chair.
	I'm not sure.
	And then she gets 14 months for accessory to murder.
	Awesome show.
	I know I'm a chick.
	I didn't realize chicks were watching such cool shit.
	They do watch a lot of murder stuff.
	I love murder stuff.
	Are you just getting into this for the first time?
	Yes.
	Yeah, because I never liked that stuff, but I figure that comes with age, maybe.
	No, I just, I just, when it's chick stuff, it's like sucking dicks.
	It's not my cup of tea.
	But it is murder stuff.
	And I just started sucking a dick.
	I went, oh my God, these are delicious.
	Where have you been all my life, erect cock?
	But it's true.
	Now, I tell you what turns me off is that white-haired dude whose hair is like this, and he reads you a bedtime story.
	And he goes, Claire didn't know if she was going to find out where her dinner was coming from.
	Would it be from a friend?
	Or would it be from a long-lost love?
	Can you just tell the fucking story and stop reading bedtime shit to me?
	But he's an integral part of the show.
	He's in at least, I don't know, a third of the episodes.
	So that's a great show you should check out.
	Then I also saw these two TLC shows.
	One was Finding Sister Wives.
	I'm not sure that's the exact name.
	You guys look this shit up on YouTube.
	I'm going to watch them on green screen because they are bizarre.
	So finding sister wives, you just presume, oh, it's some weird, like, Amish, whatever, Salt Lake City Mormon thing.
	And I don't know that religion.
	I don't know that culture, but they've been doing it for generations and it's just weird and none of my beeswax.
	Then you watch it, you go, no, they're just normal people who want to have a ton of wives.
	What?
	Oh, she's trying to get citizenship.
	So she'll marry them and then split.
	I was going to publicity school.
	Ew, that kiss.
	So then there's another, there's a black dude who talks about his kingdom, and he doesn't, he doesn't, he's anti-gay.
	So when the girl that he's interviewing says, I'm a lesbian, I'm bisexual, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's fucked up.
	What?
	I assumed you were in this for the orgies, but he's not.
	Dude, that whole show.
	Oh, that's him?
	Wait, is it?
	This whole show is just a great example of how depraved we've become.
	What a tangled web we weave when we try to reinvent the wheel.
	Traditionalism is corny.
	Marriage is gay.
	I'm not doing it.
	I've got a new thing.
	And you go, all right, what are you doing?
	What are you throwing out?
	What are you replacing our society with?
	And then you look at it and you go, oh my God, you're monsters.
	You're disgusting, weird monsters.
	Ew, look at her touching her toes.
	Whatever it took to keep the family afloat.
	So communication started to break down and stress was at an all time high for all of us.
	If someone asked them, are you happy?
	I would be sure we'd have a slap in this Is that someone filming their TV?
	That's unlistenable.
	Okay, so that's a show we got to get deeper into, finding sister-wise, because the dudes are fucking losers.
	There's this weird beta dude with a little goatee and he wears a vest and a soft little sweatshirt.
	You know those sweatshirts?
	I hate these sweatshirts where the hood is all thin, like sock material.
	If you don't wear a hoodie, that's because it's cold out.
	So you put the big hood up and now you're warm, you're protected from the elements.
	But these new hoodies where it falls on your head like Darth Vader's boss, it's infuriating.
	They do suck.
	What's it for?
	When there's a slight breeze?
	Like when it plummets from 72 degrees to 68 degrees?
	Is that when you put on your little flim flam?
	Okay, last show.
	It's this albino adoption show, adopting albinism or something?
	Just look up albino TLC adoption or something.
	And these people adopt kids.
	Great.
	I think it's great that you adopt kids.
	Thank you for doing that.
	We don't want them in orphanages.
	You provided them with a home.
	You're awesome.
	And then you go, wait a minute, why are you only adopting albinos?
	And you think, is this...
	Thank you so much for doing this.
	Can you not find it?
	Look up.
	Did you type in albinism?
	Yeah, that was the first one.
	Adopting albinism.
	Oh, true life.
	I'm an albino?
	No.
	No, no.
	It's on TLC.
	I'm pretty sure it's on TLC, yeah.
	I'll find it.
	It's about adopting albinos.
	Could it be on Netflix?
	Hmm, I don't think so.
	But anyway, say you have six, you adopt six kids, and they're all albinos, save one.
	Like, I guess the rationale is we want them to be comfortable around other albinos.
	Look, albinos, the second, say you're in a house with 100 albinos, the second you walk outside, you're a freak.
	So you better get used to it, okay?
	You can't go out when it's too sunny.
	You're going to burn.
	You look weird.
	That's them.
	What's their show called?
	Born with Albinism.
	Born with Albinism.
	So it gets to the point where they're just collecting them, I think.
	Whoa.
	I live.
	And we're the Grabowskis.
	And we collect fruits.
	I can do anything more than that.
	We're the Grabowskis.
	We met at college.
	We were good friends for about eight months.
	And then we officially started dating.
	And got married a year later.
	Married a year later.
	Yeah, the rest is history.
	Making pancakes.
	Making pink.
	Very much.
	Okay, so that is.
	Wait, wait, wait, stop.
	What the fuck were you just doing?
	That was not a pancake.
	And what were you doing?
	The little dance with it?
	Tapping at it?
	Yeah.
	What is that?
	You know?
	Oh, she's taking an edge off to eat.
	Oh.
	That's her first pancake she's ever made.
	That's not the physics of a pancake that I'd like to eat.
	Yeah, what are you doing?
	Carry much.
	Okay, so that is just with buckwheat flour.
	It just makes them look kind of gray.
	Okay.
	Do the kids like them?
	Yeah, they do.
	Or they've gotten used to them.
	Okay.
	Who puts buckwheat in your pancakes?
	What a bummer.
	Why do you have a wheat chocolate bar while you're at it?
	Oh, wait.
	Sorry, go back.
	So we had some kids and they died in a horrible electric flash.
	We have two biological children.
	Our oldest is Micah and he's 21.
	And our second oldest is Alex and he is 19.
	After we had both of our boys, we did try to have a girl for a while and that didn't work out.
	And so she's got empty nests in adoption.
	And we knew that China had so many little girls who were in orphanages.
	And they told us after the paperwork was submitted that it would be six to eight months before we were matched with a little girl.
	And so I dreamed of, you know, this little petite, brown-eyed, dark-haired little girl.
	And I opened my inbox on my email one day and it says, we have a referral for you.
	Up pops up this child with white hair and pale skin and blue eyes.
	Uh-oh, no thanks.
	It just blocks them.
	That's a tough sell, dude.
	But I get it if they, if they're, you know, good Christian souls and they go, okay, this guy's having trouble finding a home.
	We're not assholes.
	We'll take him in.
	That's cool.
	We advocate that.
	It's when you have six more we start getting curious.
	And that wasn't the same child that I've been thinking about all this time, but we switched gears.
	I mean, within moments, we're responding.
	Yes, yes, yes.
	That's the kind of people we are.
	Okay, we need terrible and I'm not telling you to stop.
	I'm telling them to stop.
	Fine.
	You got it.
	You got a kid.
	You were cool enough not to be freaked out by the albinism.
	Now stop.
	But no.
	Buckweed again.
	Buckweed.
	Okay, do you like the buckweed?
	No, buy no sister again.
	Do you think it's kind of weird that they're kind of gray?
	Yeah, I said that the first time we had them.
	Is that a dig on her?
	Don't you think it's weird that they're gray and white?
	Do you think it's kind of weird that they're kind of gray?
	Yeah, I said that the first time we had them.
	I'm Lily.
	I'm 11 years old and I was the first to be adopted.
	What this is a long fucking tweet.
	Yeah, it's a tweet.
	Lily was born with albinism, which is an inherited genetic condition which causes light hair, light skin.
	Yeah, we're familiar with albinos.
	Albinism is an extremely rare condition that affects approximately one in 18 to 20,000 people in the world.
	See, this is what I'm talking about.
	This is the, you know, these parents with the trans kids where they're collecting children, like action figures, and putting them on a shelf?
	I think there's this bizarre tendency, just like the previous show where I said what a tangled web we weave.
	And then we get into this depraved, like, sister-wife shit.
	I think we're so okay with everything that when someone develops a bizarre compulsion to collect humans, and by the way, she dresses them in all white.
	Yeah.
	So she'll have, like, I don't, they probably won't show it in this clip, but there's like seven or eight of them living in her house now, and they're all in all white, top to bottom.
	What the hell?
	Wait, let's see the end of that.
	That was, uh...
	Thanks.
	And it can affect anyone in the world, regardless of skin color and race.
	I know.
	Thanks.
	Anybody up yet, besides you?
	Sanctal, I mean, like, most people are familiar with the term albino, but what they don't realize is that that term can be offensive or derogatory to say that personally.
	So now she has an oppressed child.
	Right.
	Now she's oppressed.
	Love me.
	Love my person of no color that I own and I collect.
	Anyway, we'll be getting deeper into that fucking bizarre show because just like that handsome dude who would interview handicapped people and he's like, I'm talking to someone today with no fucking face.
	And you go, that's cool of you, I guess.
	I'm assuming you have a variety of guests.
	And then you notice that 100% of his guests are brutally disfigured.
	And then he comes and he's the star of the show because he's so kind to speak to them.
	And then he comes across a guy whose body ends here, but the guy's kind of an alpha, an alpha stub.
	And he's like, so how many of these interviews do you do, man?
	And how long you've been doing it for?
	And the guy's like, I tend to run the show here, and all of a sudden, he's not the super sweet guy pandering to the severely disfigured person, and he loses his identity.
	And you realize this isn't about them, this is about you virtue signaling.
	You fucking weirdo, you're collecting freaks.
	I mean, is that what Howard Stern does with his whack pack?
	How is this different from a whack pack?
	This guy is like a homicidal maniac.
	Not him, but he survived some horrific burn.
	And look at him.
	It's so cool to talk to these people like they're humans.
	It's hard for me to fathom that I'm this person compared to how I used to be.
	And now, since I've reached this level of confidence, I want to have others and help them get there.
	I find joy in almost anything, and I love to make fun of people, especially myself.
	Imagine he's like, okay, let's go.
	Let's go, you and me.
	I love to roast people who are ugly.
	Here, you get me, and I'll get you one.
	Well, that's a key and peel sketch, right?
	Perfect hair.
	Oh, you know that one where the guy's in a wheelchair in the audience, and he goes, roast me.
	And he's speaking to you.
	He said, You told me to roast you.
	And he's like, I thought I could handle it, but I can't.
	All right, we're about to go behind the Pizay wall.
	But before we go, I would like to say thank you to our oldest running sponsor, Johnny Apple CBD, constantly harassed by Antifa and the SJW freaks, the tattletale journalists who pray for our demise every day, try to hack through our servers, try to fucking destroy this company.
	It's so weird that we've been sequestered to a corner of the internet where we can't be on YouTube and we can't have social media and all that.
	And we go, okay, we'll build our own thing there.
	And they just keep hammering us and removing our payment processors.
	We get a new payment processor.
	We sue people who take our credit card info.
	When Stripe tried to take our credit card info, we threatened to sue them, got it all back.
	Constantly fighting for the back end, just like Crowder is with his suing YouTube.
	And all of these sites have to constantly go through this.
	And the other thing they do is they attack our advertisers.
	So when you see Johnny Apple here for all of these years, you know that not only are they selling quality CBD, which includes isolates and wax supplements, pet-friendly CBD tincture, topicals, cookies, the cartridges, the stem vaporizer, the gummies for sleeping.
	The only thing I haven't tried is the gummies.
	I'm going to start trying those because I can't seem to sleep through the night.
	I keep waking up at like 4.30 thinking of the worst things in the world.
	Like what if my son gets sick or something?
	Do you guys get that?
	Is that a normal thing?
	The night terrors?
	This one has nighttime gummies with combined melatonin.
	So that's all.
	Precisely.
	I'm going to try that and get back to you next week.
	But yeah, thank you for putting up with all these assholes harassing you, johnnyapple.com.
	And then people say to us, you give us confusing messages.
	Is it johnnyapple.com or is it jacbd.com?
	The answer is yes.
	They were smart enough to get both URLs.
	So when you use the promo code Gavin, you get 20% off everything at jacbd.com.
	That's johnnyapple.com.
	Promo code Gavin.
	Thank you to them for sticking by us all these years.
	And what was I going to say?
	Thanks to them for sticking by us for these years.
	They did stick by us, yes.
	And oh yeah.
	And when you go to johnnyapple.com, you're helping to support the show.
	So don't get your CBD anywhere else.
	Go to tacticalwalls.com.
	Go to NitaFashions and go to johnnyapple.com.
	Okay?
	Because we need your help too.
	We need your support to keep doing this shit.
	Anyway, we're now going to go through to the paywall.
	We've got a few more things to discuss.
	And then we're going to take some calls.
	And for you folks here just getting the freebie, the weekly freebie on the podcast, we end all shows with get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

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