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April 19, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:15:42

S03E100 - 100th EPISODE!

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	Live from New York, it's fun.
	The boys, the boys, the boys.
	That is Negro Terror, I believe they're called.
	Band out of Memphis doing a racist screwdriver cover.
	Screwdriver were originally a punk band, then they became the seminal Nazi skinhead band.
	And they had a song called The Voice of Britain.
	You know, you better believe it.
	And they covered the song, but they changed the lyrics to The Voice of Memphis and did a great job.
	A beautiful homage to their enemies.
	Lots of people covered Screwdriver.
	There was a band called Jew Driver who did a song called Boots and Bagels, an album of songs that was all Screwdriver covers.
	But that guy, the singer, is an Iraq war veteran, Afghanistan.
	I forget, some Middle Eastern war vet.
	He did two tours, but he also did too many donuts.
	And he's deed, which is sad.
	So that's fun.
	We've got a special show for you today.
	This is our hundredth episode.
	So we're going to go through all our video drops and show you where they come from.
	Okay?
	If that's okay with you.
	But before we have to cover a couple things that won't be newsworthy tomorrow, and that is the fucking Jake Paul fight.
	I have never seen lower quality entertainment in my life.
	I thought I was living in Poland.
	It is the cheapest garbage shit I've ever seen.
	It's clearly run by a bunch of fucking cokehead rich dork losers hiring their friends.
	If you have a stupid idea, like Jake Paul wants to fight Connor McGregor, but he'll fight this guy because Connor won't fight him.
	And you're going to have Justin Bieber there and Snoop Dogg and Oscar De La Jolla and charge 50 bucks.
	I think he got 1.9 million, no, 1.3 million subs, people paying for it.
	I paid for it.
	And that's what, over 50 million bucks, right?
	Probably like $70 million.
	There's no way anyone is watching any of these ever again.
	Here's just, like, I could show you the whole thing.
	It went on and on and on for four hours.
	If you're going to do something like that, right?
	Like I was just saying, you hire some grizzled old, bald, white-haired, fuggin producer who did Ellen DeGeneres and the Jerry Lewis telephon, and he's in charge.
	And he gets the lighting right, the audio right.
	Sometimes people didn't have mics.
	And you'd just be hearing, well, then they're going to be there on Friday.
	All right, well, thanks for coming by, man.
	Lighting was brutal.
	And the lip-syncing was terrible.
	So Justin Bieber comes on.
	Some chick named Saweeti comes on.
	Dojo Cat was there.
	They did a montage of all their hits lip-synced with cameras that were blurry.
	You couldn't see them on stage.
	And the lighting was terrible too.
	And so we were scrolling up to the MMA fight, which I also paid for.
	And it was just like, forget fighting.
	The quality of Dana White's fucking network, whatever you want to call it, his industry, his fucking division.
	Look how shitty this looks.
	It looks like a 1980s YouTube video.
	And look at the lighting.
	You can't see the dancers.
	You can't see what they look like.
	It's all blown out.
	This is what it looked like at home.
	It looked pixelated.
	Wait, that looks like Saweeti and Dojo Cat are on stage at the same time.
	And people who watch fights want to see this?
	They want to see Justin Bieber.
	Imagine you were there to watch a fight.
	But believe it or not, the fighting was way worse than this.
	It went fighting, musical entertainment, and then interviews.
	Oscar De La Jolla was so drunk, he was blackout, and he kept saying, USSA!
	USSA!
	I don't know what that means.
	And then Snoop Dogg was wasted too.
	And he's like, one of the guys says he's leaving him open with the left hook.
	He goes, yeah, he's open like 7-Eleven, man.
	Open like 7-Eleven.
	Look at him.
	And I will go down till the end.
	All right, let's look at our tail of...
	What's it just out?
	I will go down till the end.
	So you'll get knocked out.
	And guess what?
	Now it's my turn.
	Tiny Reed.
	USSR, baby.
	USSR.
	USSR.
	Oh, Snoop Dogg, I love you.
	So he said USSR, I guess, but he also was saying USSA.
	But neither of those guys are Russian.
	I love that.
	That's like a retired boxer.
	This is one of the only actual boxers there.
	There was some fitness instructor fighting some Colombian DJ.
	And it was funny.
	I laughed, but it was funny like Steve-Owen Butterbean.
	Like it was jackass.
	This is the lowest point boxing has ever been.
	I don't think it can recover from this.
	Imagine.
	Imagine.
	That sucks.
	That's the thing.
	You couldn't understand what anyone was talking about.
	Because they were so high.
	I think they were smoking that crazy Snoop dog weed.
	Okay, what were you going to show there?
	So Pete Davidson, some guy I'm supposed to recognize, they go backstage to talk to Jake Paul, and it's physically painful.
	I want to just talk to him.
	Conor McGregor's coach, his striking coach, has really bad COVID right now.
	And he's in pain, and he goes, this is way more painful.
	I'd rather just have COVID again.
	Look at their jackets.
	There's pads in them.
	What is that about?
	Kevlar?
	I don't recognize.
	Look at these ants.
	Why do we have to say hello to everyone?
	Thank you, man.
	Turn it up.
	It's painful.
	I'm good.
	I'm just like, calm.
	Calm.
	Ready to explode.
	Get a nuclear atom.
	It's a nuclear atom.
	You remind me of like when Charlie Sheen, when he went on his winning tirade.
	Everybody was just like, go off, dude.
	Go off.
	Yeah.
	What I was going to ask you about.
	I was like, so how are you feeling?
	So they bleeped it out.
	He's asking what the sexual assault allegations?
	Which you can check on sexual.tv.
	Atheism is unstoppable.
	Did a big thing on it about her allegations that Jake Paul face fucked her?
	Bop, baker, face, pop, pop, pop, her face.
	Okay.
	You good?
	Like, good, I'm good, bro.
	I'm good.
	What's popping with that?
	Nothing.
	Unmitigated lagging.
	Worst we've ever had.
	All right.
	I feel like if I was a boxer, the last thing I'd want is this right before I fought.
	Yeah.
	What's with this cool stance?
	Are you cool?
	Well, that's a weird stance.
	Are you a cool guy?
	Ugh.
	So the actual, what do you call it, basket, purse?
	Wasn't that big.
	Like, Jake Paul was something like $875K.
	Ben Askrim was half a million, but they must have bet illegally on this because the knockout was terrible.
	And then you see Ben.
	I've been knocked out before.
	You're fucked up for 45 minutes.
	You don't smile and get hugs from your wife.
	And there was weird tells in there.
	Like Ben Askram, when he was walking back from the knockout, he's like this and his wife's hugging him.
	I thought you just got killed.
	Look at this knockout.
	Oh, boom.
	I'm done.
	Whoa, I got knocked out.
	And then they stopped the fight after that.
	Because he was wobbly.
	In the first round, Jesus.
	No one recognizes that ref.
	Jake Paul obviously said, I need to knock him out in the first round.
	He probably had someone bet $10 million on it or something.
	That's where the real money is.
	But obviously no one wants to watch this.
	You ruined the sport.
	You stupid amateurs.
	You wrecked everything.
	I feel like Charlton Hesson at the end of Plan of the Apes, you did it, didn't you?
	You ruined everything.
	Damn you.
	What is this?
	He's just been saying, get me hard enough where I can pretend I got knocked out.
	And then I rewatched the knockout Jake Paul had with that stupid basketball player.
	If you get knocked out, you go like this.
	Your arms don't go down.
	Trying to give Ryan COVID by filling the room with particles.
	Come on.
	I survived it.
	Because the black guy, the basketball guy, put his arms down when he fell.
	And then he proceeded to lay down there for like a minute.
	So fucking fake.
	Every fight was fixed.
	This was criminal.
	You know, I knew a music manager who, I said, why don't you ever do any rap artists?
	You're always Mr. Indie Rock.
	And he goes, oh no, I don't get involved in rap.
	That's the Wild West over there.
	There's no contracts.
	So let's see if they show it again.
	Show his hands.
	Show the knockout.
	See, how fake was that even?
	You don't lie down like that on your gloves when you're knocked out.
	Or even almost knocked out.
	Wow, nothing funny about what's happening with Nate Robinson, but Snoop Dogg is singing the hymns.
	He's trying to get Night Ree.
	See, that looks like his hands weren't up.
	But if you see the very first impact, his hands are down.
	Actually, that looks pretty flattened.
	Maybe I was thinking of another knockdown.
	Anyway, clearly set up, clearly fake.
	The Iron Chic wrestler dude said, what the fuck am I watching?
	This is a man who does fake fights for a living.
	And then this other dude goes, go down a bit?
	That belt was like something ordered from a Chinese catalog that's only sold in gross units.
	The belt looked like you could just tear it up.
	It looked like cardboard.
	Pete Davidson was saying, I got to call my agent.
	He was embarrassed.
	They had a slapping competition that Pete Davidson narrated from a forklift.
	And the slaps were like this.
	Everyone's seen slap fights where the guys hold onto that thing and they knock them so hard they go flying?
	This was like you and I having a slap fight.
	You couldn't get real slappers?
	How hard is that?
	Fly him in.
	Yeah, Pete Davidson said, well, both these guys suck, and The good news is they're going to get hurt.
	I don't like Pete Davidson.
	He's shat on Kumia and Coulter.
	But at least he conceded that this is a shit show and he's embarrassed to be part of it.
	Oh, there it is.
	He's saying he's going to call his agent.
	He's in a forklift right now.
	What are they doing?
	Ric Flair narrated it.
	This is actually an HD rip, too.
	This is no.
	It looks like somebody's filming their screen, but this is the feed.
	Hey, watch how weak this slap is.
	Poor Rick Flair.
	I would be terrified if I were in Sir.
	He didn't even move.
	So, did you show 1-3 yet?
	What about 13C?
	We already showed that.
	Anything you show from that night will be embarrassing.
	What's 1-4?
	That's the knockout again.
	Probably Bob Mineri.
	Yeah.
	I mean, Plan Simply's out of shape.
	There it is.
	Stanigo's knocked the fuck out.
	Jake Paul has knocked out Ben Asprin.
	Although he looks like he's getting to his feet here.
	Wobbling a little bit, but he's ready to go again.
	And unfortunately, though, the referee has something to say about that, which is pretty fucking fishy.
	There's a lot of money on this fight, and I don't know something suspect.
	God Almighty, it's fucking.
	I don't know.
	This is all for show.
	It was depressing.
	This is all just to say you did a thing.
	Thank God there was real MMA fights one channel away because those fights were awesome.
	They were beautiful.
	It was the audio.
	There was video.
	There was lighting.
	You could see everything.
	And this was just a pathetic shambles.
	And it's called the Triller Fight Club.
	Yeah, he must have a share stakes in it.
	But I honestly can't see one person signing up for this ever again.
	And it's not just me.
	I went through Twitter.
	Everyone was disgusted.
	Everyone was outraged.
	My boxing chat on my phone was like people were saying, I hated every molecule of that.
	Every moment of that was hell on earth.
	What is this?
	So Triller's its own...
	I haven't heard of it until yesterday.
	Sorry, to get back to the manager.
	He said rap is the wild west.
	He goes, contracts don't matter.
	They'll kick the shit out of you for publishing.
	They'll dangle you over a balcony.
	It's criminals, gangsters laundering money.
	I don't get involved.
	There's no rhyme or reason to it.
	And I think that's what Triller is.
	It seems like someone just bullied or threatened Jake Paul and said, look, we're going to make a lot of money.
	You better not fuck up or you're dead.
	The promo looks awesome.
	The promo right there just looked real cool.
	Okay, well, but that has no reflection on the actual thing.
	You couldn't see, like, I don't like that chick, but I was just annoyed at how unprofessional it was.
	Oscar DeLa Joya made a fucking fool of himself.
	And then I noticed Jake Paul and his brother, I don't know what his name is, Paul Paul.
	Paul Paul.
	When they weren't congratulating everyone, I saw those two brothers and they didn't look each other in the eye.
	I don't have a clip of that, but I was like.
	Oh, it's Ron Paul.
	That's his brother.
	If my brother and I did something that illegal, I could see us being sketched out and not looking at each other.
	Like, holy fuck, let's just get this day over with and hope we don't get arrested.
	That's a man who was just knocked out.
	Poor guy, huh?
	Geez.
	It's a wonder he can walk.
	And look at his wife hugging him.
	We just made a lot of money.
	She's not worried about him.
	Is that a tweet where someone says, I hope he's okay?
	Yeah.
	I mean, look at the injuries on Ben.
	I hope he recovers.
	True.
	No one was taking it seriously.
	What's the next one?
	Come on, come on, come on.
	Oh, yeah.
	People love circuses.
	I hope you enjoy the fight.
	And he goes, oh, can't say I didn't warn you.
	I wasn't upfront about it.
	So he's admitting it was all fake.
	Right there.
	This is just a cheap at a thing.
	It was so what's one six?
	That's him admitting it, right?
	Yep.
	And then Snoop bet tons of money on the game, which I'm not sure is legal if you're a commentator on the game.
	But after Jake Paul won, he had his dumb fucking gin and juice, and he was like, $2 million, motherfucker.
	$2 million, motherfucker.
	I mean, I'm not a snob, but can we have a modicum of decency, please?
	Every molecule of this thing was fucking garbage.
	Completely fake.
	What are you doing?
	Snoop Dogg pulls up on Dana White with Jake Paul to get money after he lost his bet on Ben Askron.
	Look at the belt.
	It was a catastrophe.
	Look at some of the undercards.
	You gotta see this fight with this guy, Joe Fournier, F-O-U-R-N-I-E-R, and some Colombian DJ named like Rayco or something.
	And you're just watching a guy, the guy with the pink shorts, Fournier, he's not a boxer, but he boxes and he's a fitness professional, so he has gas in the tank.
	There he is.
	And then Raycon, this poor bastard, I don't know why he agreed to get in there.
	He just kept getting hammered.
	He was running away.
	Look, he just took a knee there from a fucking shot to the body.
	Look, that's a Brievo getting knocked out by Butterbean.
	Whoa, dude.
	And you can tell that's real, right?
	The guy doesn't crumple to the ground and pass out for now.
	He's like, oh shit, that was bad.
	Where'd my legs go?
	It was just embarrassing.
	I'm embarrassed to have watched it.
	Wow.
	That makes you want to watch it so bad.
	MMA is getting better and better.
	Sorry, more and more appealing to us boxing fans.
	Snoop Dogg getting beat up.
	Oh, that's really good, Snoop Dogg.
	It said he got beat up.
	That's clickbait.
	Yeah, I mean, if you look at, just look at that on Twitter.
	Triller fight, whatever it's called with a hashtag.
	And no matter where you dip your toe in, it'll be covered in shit.
	No matter what, I mean, what do you, everything you've seen so far is just shockingly bad.
	First thing is Beetlejuice.
	Beetlejuice would be totally at home that night.
	Then there was some guy with a cardboard sign.
	No caption needed.
	Oh yeah.
	That girl Charlie who does the TikTok videos.
	Oh yeah.
	She showed up and was presenting belts.
	Like it was just a pile of shit.
	Dude, my friends who pulled together a music festival did a better job.
	Actually, this weekend we went to a secret comedy show and it was better than this.
	Very well organized.
	Kevin Brennan was there, Pat Dixon.
	Played some music afterwards.
	Yeah, and the songs went on forever.
	We would go to the MMA thing and watch an entire fight and come back and it was still like, yo, what you gonna do with this booty girl?
	I got the hottest fucking.
	It's a great song.
	Oh, yeah, he got carried out on a stretcher.
	That was also ridiculous.
	Pete Davidson just bored.
	What a complete train wreck.
	It just, anyway, you get the idea.
	This is a unifying.
	Oh, no one liked it.
	This is unity right here.
	Yeah, not one person said that was a really cool fight.
	That iCarly thing is obviously a joke, but it's not an obvious joke.
	Wow.
	That was some Ukrainian dude getting beat up with the blue hair.
	He's the one who got taken out in a stretcher, I believe.
	And he was so obviously taking a fall.
	Every boxer, I'm sure, was told for this thing what round they have to go down in and who has to go down.
	Wow.
	Today's New York Post, my hands are tied.
	Judge can't prosecute someone for a crime because there's no fucking bail in New York.
	So he's saying, I can't do my job.
	Chauvin trials happening right now.
	We'll find out if Minneapolis burns to the ground soon.
	Either an innocent man goes to jail or Minneapolis burns.
	Maxine Waters was telling people to riot, saying we need to stay on the streets.
	All the inciting violence that the right gets blamed for, she's responsible.
	She does it all.
	She says, when you need to make them uncomfortable at the gas station, she's ramped that up now to saying we need to riot.
	We need to burn the motherfucker down.
	Stay in the street.
	She talks like a Black Panther.
	By any means necessary.
	Yeah, play.
	And I'm going to stand not only with you, but continue to fight in every way that I can for justice.
	For justice.
	What's your opinion of the police reform efforts that are being discussed right here?
	And do you think that any of them have any hope of being enacted through maybe this Congress?
	Talk about police reform for so long.
	All right, shut up.
	I'm bored of politics.
	They should stay in the streets.
	Yada yada yada.
	Okay, let's have some fun.
	100th episode.
	We're going to go through our video drops and see what makes us tick.
	This has been a common request from the viewers, from the subscribers.
	They want to see where our video drops come from.
	We're happy to do it.
	I have a deep-seated love for every clip we have.
	It's never just a random clip where it's from a movie we didn't like or something.
	These are all blips from paradise.
	That will be the name of this segment, blips from paradise.
	My allergies are pretty bad, so you'll have to bear with the sniffs.
	Let's see what we got here.
	Now, you gave me a list, Ryan.
	I don't care about the list.
	I'll just, won't we just go from top to...
	What is this list?
	It's just all of them in order here.
	40 or 45, I guess.
	Okay, so we'll just...
	You don't have to, I don't need to follow the list.
	You just play them for me and I'll explain.
	Gotcha.
	So this is an amazing show when my top five shows, Sketch Show.
	And Harry and Paul, Paul Whitehouse and Harry Enfeld.
	They're both great impressionists and humorous guys.
	A lot of their shows, they'll be doing a parody of old-timey stuff, like black and white, 1940s stuff.
	I don't find that amusing.
	I don't like old-timey stuff.
	I'm a Western chauvinist, and I like the West the best, but I also like modern time the best.
	I don't care about the 40s and the 50s.
	So when you see their old-timey stuff, just skip it.
	But this is a beautiful parody of old people, old wealthy aristocrats in Britain.
	I guess it's racist to make fun of old white people.
	John Cleese recently apologized on behalf of Monty Python for making fun of old white people after Hank Khazaria apologized for all the years of a poo.
	Isn't that fucking insane?
	I am so sorry.
	That would be funny if he did it in an Indian accent.
	I got to say, buddy, me doing that voice all that time was really stupid and dumb and a terrible thing I did.
	Oh, fucking shit.
	Anyway, white people can take a joke.
	So this is.
	And this is the thing I love about this.
	This is actually how I was introduced to Harry and Paul.
	Because a cameraman at my ad agency, Rooster, would go, and he wasn't a particularly funny dude, Rob.
	He would go, yeah, 40, 40, 45, 45 years, 40.
	It's not really funny per se.
	And I don't know any old British aristocrats, so I don't know if they do this.
	But for some reason, it's just the most pleasant thing in the world.
	Am I intruding, Charles?
	Not at all, Sheridan.
	Shirley told me you'd be popping by.
	Is it time for a brandy?
	29 minutes past six, Charles.
	I have a stopwatch.
	Yes, of course.
	Goodness me, no.
	Please.
	Thank you.
	You have to wind them every day.
	Bunny Armstrong Miller's dead.
	He popped his clogs.
	I could do with a brandy.
	Is it that time?
	6:30.
	It was very quick, but poor Joyce is in a terrible street.
	I looked up bloopers for these guys because they must have cracked each other up, especially with all the prosthetics.
	But nope.
	Professionals.
	Consummate professional funny men.
	Oldest bunny.
	He was only 85.
	Still young.
	Oh, poor Joyce.
	You'll be at a total loss.
	I mean, after all, they've been married for what?
	40 or 45 years?
	40 or 45 years.
	40 years, 45 years.
	40, 45 years.
	40, 45 years, 40, 45 years.
	How long have you in Caroline been married?
	40 years, 45 years?
	Oh, 48, 45, 40.
	I have no idea why this is so funny.
	It's ridiculous.
	It's not indicative of a pattern.
	It's not something I've noticed yet.
	I always say it, too.
	When I'm at home or anything as remotely 40 or 45.
	Did he have a condition?
	Oh, no, no, no.
	He was fit as a butcher's dog.
	I mean, he whopped me at tennis last week, 6-2-6-Love.
	He wasn't still playing club tennis at his age, surely.
	No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	No, he only played three times a week, and he only raced Austin Healy's for the last three or four years, and he never went out with cows for more than a fortnight at a stretch.
	For more than a fortnight at a stretch.
	Okay, so that's that one.
	Highly recommend you go on a YouTube Harry and Paul Bender.
	Just avoid the old-timey stuff.
	Also, Harry and Paul have other shows.
	Paul Whitehouse had a great show called The Fast Show, which I highly recommend, which was all quick sketches.
	And they had another show before Harry and Paul.
	All right, this is a classic.
	This is a meeting.
	You come across as a bitch.
	Oh, wait.
	What are you showing here?
	You come across as a bitch.
	So this one we didn't have context for.
	So we skip along now to.
	Oh, so we don't know the origins of You Come Across as a Bitch.
	We thought it was 60 Days In, but I didn't see anything.
	I don't know where you got that from.
	That's not from me.
	No, I think that's from a viewer.
	Oh, someone sent that in.
	So we don't know the origins of that.
	Now, this next one is the Seattle.
	Is it Seattle or Portland?
	I think it's Seattle.
	And it's a meeting.
	Olympia, Washington.
	Olympia, Washington.
	Same shit.
	Where these people are complaining about how horrible it is to be in Olympia.
	And the gimp in the chair is furious that there's another city in America that has slightly better wheelchair access than Olympia.
	He is beyond angry because he found, I don't know, someplace that has an upstairs that he can't get to.
	Sorry.
	By the way, you're paralyzed.
	It's going to be inconvenient.
	You should sort of brace yourself for that.
	Like those hotels, motels, they all have this weird chair that lowers down to go in the pool.
	I bet it was mandatory coast to coast.
	I bet it's $10,000 to install.
	I bet the lobby for the chair pushed for this stupid law, but I don't understand it.
	Like if you're a total gimp who can't get in a pool, aren't you with a minder?
	Right?
	You're not just scooting along, getting in your car, getting out of your car.
	So you're with someone who's carrying you to the toilet and stuff.
	And if you are that guy, can't they put you in the pool?
	You can't be left alone in the pool.
	You're paralyzed.
	So why is there that chair?
	I think I'm beyond angry.
	I think these people have it too good.
	If you're in a wheelchair, you should be inconvenienced.
	That's why people don't want to be paralyzed.
	Place that you block off half of, therefore making it impossible for me to get around in the sea.
	In the sea?
	In the sea?
	Get a boat.
	Get a sea.
	I don't scare you.
	I'm furious.
	You know what?
	He talks exactly like you guys are stoned and he's trying to finish a story, but everyone's dying laughing and he can't get out.
	He's like, Progressivism.
	The symbols.
	Even though we all know progressivism is proto-fascist anyway.
	Proto-fascist.
	Progressivism.
	See, it's nothing's ever good enough for these fucking loony lefties.
	I would say do better.
	But I know y'all are just...
	You're doing your job.
	And your job is to oppress my family.
	I hope when you go home at night.
	It's a very self-obsessed way to see the world.
	To your middle-past lives where you have to.
	Where you have to worry about nothing.
	That you think of me.
	And that it hurts you terribly.
	Me, me, me.
	Because that is all I can hope for.
	Since I have hope.
	Don't have hope for much else.
	Okay, you done?
	I give up the rest of my talk.
	He's done you?
	He's done you.
	In other words, you don't have anything else to say.
	You never did have anything to say.
	Hi, I'm paralyzed, and I talk weird.
	I'm going to sound like we're both stoned, and you're laughing your head off.
	I would appreciate a lot more wheelchair access.
	Here's a list of theaters and doctor's offices and supermarkets that I can't get my chair into.
	And I did some research, and there's another town not far from here, Portland, and they have at least 60% more wheelchair access ramps.
	So if you could look into that, I'd really appreciate it.
	Okay, thanks, little guy.
	Bye.
	Bye-bye.
	That's all you have to do.
	I hope that you suffer when you go home to your middle-class houses and you think of me.
	That was one of the best impressions you've ever done.
	That was like jarringly good.
	Holy shit.
	Well, I can sympathize.
	I can empathize with him.
	Of course.
	Because I've noticed that it's hard to find underwear when you have an abnormally large cock.
	And I have had to buy triple XL underwear and then have the waistband taken in by a tailor in order to hold this girth.
	Thank you for your support.
	My dad was at the pub yesterday, and I don't know.
	He's got a big dick, obviously.
	He's my dad.
	But his pants kind of ride up on him.
	So he has this bulging package.
	And my coach was there from the gym.
	He's like, man, your dad's really packing a cod piece there.
	Jesus, it looks like a cod piece.
	Take it easy, dad.
	Fuck.
	So then we got a classic here.
	Oh, this is...
	Just stop.
	I cannot tell you how much joy this brings me.
	In fact, I had the terrors last night because I've been drinking a lot.
	You wake up at 12.44 and 3.55 and you suffer for about half an hour.
	Then you go back to sleep, but you're still suffering.
	So you have nightmares about your children being maimed.
	So it was a very unpleasant night last night.
	And I was trying to think of good, happy thoughts to stop the screaming horror demons in my head.
	So you think of your kids, because that always makes you feel good.
	But then you end up having nightmares about your kids.
	Anyway, I should think of this.
	This is a very successful and popular trans performer who's in Australia or New Zealand.
	Apparently there's a difference.
	And I think this song is about himself.
	You'll notice some big me, me, me theme with the far left.
	And I think this song is about you and my sister.
	I think he means his feminine side.
	It's his twin.
	He was born.
	So it's a ridiculous, stupid song.
	It's not melodic at all.
	It will not stick in your head.
	Not in any real way.
	You will probably repeat that.
	You are my sister.
	You were born.
	But in order to further their political correctness, they get to, you're not supposed to say this word, but abos, aboriginals, to join them.
	Now, aboriginals are probably the most primitive culture in the entire world.
	When they, the way they cook their food is they start a brush fire.
	Iguanas come out of the ground.
	They pick up the iguana.
	They come out of the ground because they get smoked out.
	They throw it on the fire.
	No stick, no spit roast, nothing.
	They just throw it on the fire.
	The outer skin burns, obviously, and the inner stuff sort of cooks because it was on the fire.
	And then they eat that with their hands.
	You know, like we did 200,000 years ago.
	So their idea of music is hitting two pieces of garbage sticks together, not even good sticks.
	Not even like a like something with lines in it.
	Oh, great.
	I'm making fun of them, and then you show them in chains.
	That's not a great juxtaposition here.
	I'm sure it was very rough for them back in the old time days, but it was rough for everyone.
	Australia was a place where criminals were just thrown from the boat and told to fend for themselves.
	Which apparently they did.
	Anyway, this instrument is the least impressive instrument.
	And we've talked about this before.
	At one point, she sort of sneezes and he thinks she's laughing.
	So he goes, it's pathetic.
	And all these rich white people sitting there smiling, pretending that it's good makes me laugh my fucking head off.
	But let's see a little bit more of the tranny before we get to them.
	You are my sister, and I love you with your views.
	How is this a song?
	Dreams come true.
	He's hideous.
	Take it away, Abbos.
	Actional song.
	She's coughing, and he laughs.
	This is officially the worst music in the history of the world.
	Are you having a stroke?
	Like the sticks, how do the sticks help?
	If they had ridges in them or something.
	Like no one's laughing.
	I love that.
	This should be a prank.
	They should see how shitty they can make something if Aboriginals are involved before people go, um, this is terrible.
	Like, what if they just stood up and just took a shit on the floor right now?
	People applaud?
	I love it.
	This is possibly a prank on everybody involved here.
	Maybe that's why he was laughing.
	They're trolling him.
	Yeah.
	He thinks he's trolling them by exploiting them.
	Be like, look how retarded.
	This guy's kidding, too.
	Right.
	Everyone's kidding.
	They're actually super cool.
	Those three guys.
	The black, no, those, whatever race and gender these things are.
	But these three units of humanity are just fucking with the audience.
	They're actually super funny, and they go back and drink Budweiser and joke around.
	But the audience finds it funny, but they can't laugh.
	So if they were to talk, they would sound like the guy who says, I be all degree.
	This is a prank.
	Okay, next.
	I mean, we could be here all night.
	Oh, so this is Crimes and Misdemeanors, one of Woody Allen's best films.
	He's my favorite pedophile.
	Definitely the funniest pedophile out there.
	And he talks in this movie.
	There's a little subplot that doesn't really go anywhere about his sister who's having trouble dating.
	And she meets a guy at a party, and he ties her up, and he shits on her chest.
	And Woody Allen hears this story from his sister.
	And the way he takes off his glasses and goes, oh, oh.
	Oh, you're not showing it.
	It's so disgusting.
	What are you doing?
	What's the matter?
	You're trying to do a video drop.
	I'm a wreck.
	But it wasn't cropped properly.
	Okay, well, do it right.
	I'm a wreck.
	Oh, you're going to show it.
	Here it is.
	Okay.
	Barbara, what's the matter?
	What is this?
	I've been shaking like this for days.
	What is wrong?
	I've been going out with this man that I met through the personal columns.
	He's very attractive.
	It's very nice.
	I went out with him three times.
	He's a master filmmaker.
	So, we both came back here.
	And, um, Jenning was away.
	You know, she's sleeping over to Princess.
	And it was like one o'clock in the morning or something.
	And we both had had a little to drink.
	I want to tie you to bed.
	Really?
	And rip your dress off.
	Rip your dress off.
	Have you ever been bound up, tied up, and made love to?
	Um, I'm.
	I'm a.
	I'm a sensible gal.
	No more, you're not.
	God.
	God.
	Barbara, I'm shocked at what I'm hearing.
	Gets worse, Woody.
	You're in this nice middle.
	You're my sister.
	What are you telling me?
	I couldn't move.
	I was tied tightly to the bedposts.
	Oh, Jesus, by a strat.
	A guy that you didn't know?
	And now you're going to tell me that he robbed you, right?
	No.
	Dignity?
	He got on top of me.
	And why?
	I can't say it.
	I just...
	I can't say it.
	Why?
	Tell me.
	What's so terrible?
	He sat over me and went to the bathroom.
	Oh!
	Oh!
	Oh!
	That's so disgusting!
	Oh my god, that's the worst thing I ever heard in my life.
	Then he took me too close and left.
	Oh, Bobby, you idiot.
	This guy could have cut your throat.
	He could have murdered you.
	I would have preferred it.
	Oh, you're such a dope.
	I wish I could have sympathy for this.
	Oh, that's so easy for you to say, but I'm so lonely.
	You don't know what it's like to be by yourself all the time.
	I'm sure you're lonely.
	I know it's painful, but promise me that you're never going to place another ad again because that's just, you know, it's ridiculous.
	My whole life is passing me by, and I don't have anyone to love.
	How did she get out?
	That's so hard.
	Yeah, good question.
	Just wriggled and wriggled.
	I assume the, what do you think he tied her up with?
	Manhattanites don't have rope.
	I would assume ties, but then she probably doesn't have a lot of ties.
	Ties sheets.
	I've used like pants before.
	Pants could work, sure.
	Is there any reason I could give you that would answer that satisfactorily?
	Yeah, that was so that you don't have that full clip?
	Because he tells his wife about it.
	And she goes, why?
	A strange man defecated on my sister.
	Why?
	Why?
	I don't know.
	Is there any reason I could give you that would answer that satisfactorily?
	I don't know why he reminds me of Ezra Levant in that moment there.
	I guess because Ezra has this great way of summarizing things from a big picture perspective.
	Like when he said that visiting Britain is like going into a dystopian time machine and you can see where America and Canada are going to be in the next five years.
	Is there anything I could say to possibly answer that?
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	That one we don't have to explain, right?
	Sebastian Manascalco in a nutshell, that's his perfect one.
	Correct.
	Now this one is sad because this one I couldn't track down also.
	I don't think you need that background.
	It's not like there's a...
	Well, what happened there was he owed her $180 and they had been doing crack for three days and he'd had enough.
	Okay, this is famous.
	He ain't good at it, if you will.
	Seth, what's his name, did a recreation of this with that other funny guy?
	And it is Gary Coleman, poor bastard, on the Arsenio Hall show.
	He's trying to be dope.
	He's trying to be cool.
	He's probably never been around black people, really.
	And he's grew up a child star with money.
	So his friends are probably like old fags and stuff.
	White fags.
	And he's trying to be dope.
	And Arsenio was the black show at the time.
	And he's just a fish out of water.
	It's so embarrassing.
	Absolutely, probably one of the best things I've ever done.
	I really enjoyed it.
	Yeah, you're doing all right?
	Oh, I'm doing just fine.
	Oh, man, I got a whole list of things I could tell you what I've done since the last time you embarrassed me on this show.
	So that's not so bad.
	He has fun, though.
	Like, he starts out okay.
	He's sitting weird.
	He's dressed funny like a silly little man, which I guess he is.
	But then it just gets worse and worse when Arsenio asks him about sex.
	I got the look now.
	See, this is what the ladies want.
	They want this tough dude look, so I figured I'd try it and see what happens.
	Remember, I had to double-breasted blazer.
	I was doing the sophisticated man thing then.
	So I figured I'd go this way.
	Well, so you're macking up.
	Oh, well, it's a macing skill.
	I'm still working on.
	Oh, okay, okay.
	I'm getting it.
	Doc Martin's on and on your leather coat.
	Now, my urban combat boots are not Doc Martin's.
	I've got to keep up with them.
	Okay, I'm sorry.
	Urban combat boots.
	That's right.
	Okay.
	He does, you know, he does his best to not be emasculated right there.
	He puts both his feet up and he leans back.
	He's like, yeah, yeah, you're touching my foot like I'm a G.I. Joe.
	Yeah.
	And now it's like, all right, now you're shining my shoes almost.
	It's like he takes it from a...
	I've got to keep up with it.
	Oh, yeah, touch my shoes.
	Now, the Bloods and the Crypts were in the audience to have a truce.
	So it wasn't a good time to talk about urban combat.
	That's cool.
	We're trying to end urban combat, but it's cool.
	It's cool.
	What's your girl's name, man?
	Well, now, I'm not sure.
	You know what this is like?
	This is like, I used to work as an enumerator as a very young man, like 16, 17.
	And you'd go to these old folks' homes and you'd ask them, like, where do you live?
	What's your job?
	They're all retired.
	I was stupid at the time.
	I should have written down fake names and all retired.
	But anyway, they'd always ask you about girls.
	So you got a girlfriend?
	Because I hadn't seen a tit in like 30 years.
	This is what that's like.
	An old guy asking a young kid about girls.
	I'm with that.
	Okay, now you got, because you don't want people borrowing money.
	Is that what that?
	Well, you know, I don't mind paying, buying roses, taking care of a woman, but I want reciprocation.
	Right.
	You want her to buy you some roses?
	Yeah, take care of me when I need something.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	Now, are you looking to get a bunch of money?
	You want a blowjob if I buy you dinner?
	Miss Wright, so you can get married?
	Is that the goal here?
	By the way, this poor fucking bastard was murdered by Mrs. Wright.
	She whipped him down the stairs and then didn't tend to him because she said, blood grosses me out.
	It took a few tries, but she murdered him.
	Where was Black Lives Matter back then?
	There should have been riots.
	Gary Coleman was murdered by an evil cunt.
	I think her name was Linda.
	I don't know if he's okay.
	At the time, 12.50 in the afternoon, a week ago, Wednesday.
	His head is bloody.
	There's blood all over the floor.
	I don't know what happened.
	I really don't know what happened.
	I just heard this bang and I went down there.
	It probably resulted from you shoving him.
	Then something odd happens.
	Can you tell me where he is and help him?
	Doesn't surgery.
	I can't really help him.
	I just can't be here with the blood.
	I'm sorry.
	I can't do it.
	I just can't.
	There's leaves blood all over me.
	I can't do anything.
	Where is he at now?
	On the floor in the kitchen.
	I've just been kind of sick, and you know, I just.
	He's been sick.
	I don't want to be traumatized.
	No, he was like bubbling in the mouth.
	Gross.
	Blue, my husband's dying.
	I got blood on myself.
	I can't deal.
	I'm gagging.
	What a fucking horrible cunt.
	Anyway, that didn't go anywhere.
	Much like Elliot Smith, who I believe was murdered.
	But it's just a theory.
	I think Jennifer Chiba murdered him.
	Hey, I had those years of 18, yeah.
	But when you was like in the 16 area, you knew when you had to say cut, excuse me for a minute, you know.
	Now, RC, now, wait a minute.
	Now, I didn't get a chance to Mac because AIDS came out in 82.
	So all the women kind of ran and hid while they kind of sorted this thing out.
	So I really didn't have a girlfriend that whole period of time.
	I didn't really start dating good and being good at it, if you will, until about three years ago, three or four years ago.
	Yeah, it's okay.
	So, I mean, you know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	Okay, let me say this.
	This is where it's now completely off the rails and fucking embarrassing.
	And Arsenio.
	I mean, you know what Arsenio should have done?
	He knows Scary Coleman's weird.
	He's a freak.
	He's a little man.
	He should have had a beer with him backstage first and just caught up with him and got his vibe.
	He clearly doesn't like talking about pussy because he clearly doesn't get any.
	Because as Ryan will attest, no one wants to fuck midgets, right?
	I wouldn't personally know, but I would assume not.
	Gary Coleman probably towered over you.
	You guys can play basketball together and use one of those play school nets.
	That's not true.
	All right, next.
	That's not true.
	We're not going to do all of them.
	We'll be here all day.
	Okay, this is a love letter to garbage culture.
	So this is classic here.
	And women are in fact demented.
	And so this actually is one of the newer ones.
	But yeah, it comes from this.
	By number one, not defunding the police.
	We have to put more money in for police.
	What are you showing?
	That's kind of a snooze.
	Okay, that's boring.
	You just ruined the whole show forever.
	Everyone hates you.
	That's easy.
	That's dolomite.
	I love the Eddie Murphy movie with Dolomite.
	It's such a great look at entrepreneurs.
	He realized that black people like total garbage culture.
	So he made a shit movie that's ridiculous, over-the-top action movie, and everyone loved it.
	He created the first junk food movies.
	I'm on the film out to star.
	Hey, lady Reed, why don't you go on and watch the movie?
	I sent it all nigga.
	These people are going to be out here till 2 o'clock in the morning.
	You know what?
	They came to see Dolomite.
	I'm going to give them Dolomite.
	She's corny, too.
	Okay.
	Okay, that's all.
	Our little flip happens here at the end.
	Picture you for real.
	Dolomite is my name, and fucking up motherfuckers is my game.
	Picture you for real.
	What else do we got?
	Bullshit?
	Oh, this is the greatest sweare in the history of swearing, Donald Trump.
	Bullshit.
	And that's from Russia, right?
	Russia Gate, and how it's been a never-ending tidal wave of bullshit from the Thames.
	About a minute 26 in.
	Went through Russia, Russia, Russia.
	It was all bullshit.
	We then went through the Mueller report.
	Yeah, great.
	Ryan brought this up.
	Every time he swears, it's just like when he was saying there was a rumor that he was dating a penthouse model, or she was going to have a penthouse model in his thing.
	What was it, Miss America or something?
	He's like, no, Playboy model.
	I wouldn't do penthouse.
	And the way he says fucking with two G's about the allegation that he would stoop so low as to associate himself with penthouse.
	We must have listened to it 800 times.
	You're not going to find it.
	It's hard to find, but I do recommend people look into it.
	This is how they find it.
	That time, Trump called Chauncey Hayden at 3 a.m. with audio.
	And it's fantastic.
	We will get lucky.
	Who the fuck it does?
	We really did.
	That was great.
	Wait, that's a different one, though, isn't it?
	Who the fuck is...
	Who the fuck?
	There's the same call he's called two fuckings in that that are both.
	I don't use Playboy people for that.
	We use models.
	You know, I think.
	Total bullshit, George.
	I sent her a couple of emails trying to get her to respond to me, and I haven't heard back for her.
	It's total bullshit.
	I have no idea.
	Except I know one thing.
	She called up the office like 10 different times years ago.
	This was like five years ago.
	That's the only reason because it was an unusual spelling.
	I never took her up.
	She wanted to go up.
	Didn't Norma tell you she used to call her a penny?
	She looks like a fucking basic.
	She's not even a customer.
	By the way, she's not a good-looking girl.
	Penthouse.
	Who the hell wants a penthouse pet?
	Penthouse is gone.
	It's bankrupt.
	It's over.
	I mean, penthouse, you just.
	We lost it?
	No.
	It's in there somewhere.
	Who the fuck.
	Sometimes you just got to listen to that whole thing.
	Great swear.
	Anyway, what this...
	Oh, this is not hard to figure out, right?
	No one's wondering where this came from.
	He's trending today, by the way.
	Hello, you've got a bass.
	For why?
	I don't know.
	Some school of rock quote that everyone loves.
	It's hot today.
	You're perfect.
	Stay right there.
	Hey.
	That movie made me cry.
	What was your name?
	Katie.
	Katie, what was happening?
	She's got a drug problem.
	In real life.
	Yeah, she got too...
	She got too much attention from this.
	Kids should not be in movies.
	I'm sorry.
	Let's just get short adults from now on.
	And she got sexual.
	I can't wait till you're 18.
	I want to fuck you.
	Blah, blah, blah.
	All over her social media.
	She became a drug addict.
	She's clean now, but she barely survived this fucking movie.
	All right, next.
	Katie.
	Katie, what was that thing you were playing today?
	The big thing?
	Chaloo.
	It's a bass.
	Okay, so this one is the...
	Oh, there we go.
	Remember that Key Master?
	No?
	Sometimes we use it, and it's this.
	Oh, yeah.
	This is one of the greatest things in the world.
	This is...
	If I die, I want to go here to this beach.
	This is heaven.
	This guy has convinced himself and a bunch of boomers that you can develop a force field around yourself and no one can hurt you.
	I don't even think bullets can get through.
	And then he goes to prove it by running into her and totally fucks her up.
	And then pretends he's hurt.
	Yeah, look.
	It's still about me.
	I had a seizure.
	Her force field, she was knocked over, but I got a look.
	The wind's completely knocked out of her.
	Wonder where that guy's at these days.
	This is why he's trending.
	Of course, it's got to be racial.
	Fuck off.
	Tamika.
	Hey, you've got something everybody wants.
	You've got talent, girl.
	You have an incredible singing voice.
	And I'm not just saying that.
	You heard of Aretha Franklin, right?
	Okay, she's a big lady, but when she starts singing, she blows people's minds.
	Everybody's like, she's a big lady.
	And when she starts singing, she's the slimmest woman in the world.
	The second she hits that stage and people hear the music, it has an hourglass figure with a size 28 waist.
	It turns everybody into shallow hell.
	Shallow, I'm slim.
	Why aren't you on a diet?
	Because I like to eat.
	Is that such a crime?
	Yes.
	I guess that's why 500,000 people have died of COVID.
	Besides the olds, it's the fats.
	China is asshole.
	The number one messaging on COVID should have been lose weight, you fat pigs.
	All right, next.
	We need independence.
	Yep.
	And what's your message to...
	Have you seen Donald Trump?
	Do you think he should step in?
	Donald Trump don't trust China.
	China is asshole.
	Donald Trump don't trust China.
	China is asshole.
	Don't want the Chinese government to rule us anymore.
	That was another great thing about Trump.
	He was the first to say, fuck you, China, which Biden immediately recanted.
	That was Avi Yamini, Australian guy, Jewish guy, served in the Israeli Defense Force.
	Awesome duties with Rebel News now.
	Little guy, but he'll kick the shit out of you.
	And he's been on the front lines of the free speech war, I don't know, for 10 years now?
	It seems like a long-ass motherfucking time.
	I've got him on the show.
	40, 45, 40, 45 months, 40.
	There's not going to be a President Donald Trump.
	That's not going to happen.
	It's not going to happen because we're not going to be used.
	Fear is not going to be something that we're going to, that's going to be what drives our country.
	We're not scared of Muslims or immigrants or women.
	We're not actually afraid of anything.
	Trump's scared of women's fear, so that's not going to be an issue.
	I think it is, if you're asking if it's a harbinger, I think that, and I think you would agree, and I think we all sort of see it, I think that's sort of landed in a way.
	Trump is actually a result in many ways of the fact that much of the news programs didn't follow up and ask tough questions.
	That's the truth.
	It was, you know, it's really easy because your numbers go up.
	All they did was eviscerate him from day one.
	It doesn't mean you get more news.
	It just means you get the same news more.
	That's the crazy thing with the left.
	They think the news is biased to the right.
	They think Fox News is like 80% of the news out there.
	It's more like 5% to 10%.
	90% is fucking lefty.
	And Fox News is relatively new.
	Hey, you're cool.
	That's a tapir, which is a rare animal up here, but fairly common in Costa Rica there.
	You can see one there having a nap, just saying, hey, you're cool.
	So wait, that's her, who's that?
	That's a different animal entirely.
	Is that her?
	That's a chupacabra.
	What's it called?
	A capacabra?
	A cabybara.
	Capybara?
	Chupacabra.
	Yeah, that was from a...
	The clip that you're cool is from a Jesse Lee Peterson interview with her.
	Couldn't find it either.
	I'm sure it's out there, though.
	I guess that's cute.
	Yeah.
	I just see a fucking loser.
	Everyone says baby animals are cute.
	No, they're just small.
	I am disabled.
	Next.
	I am gay.
	Yeah, those are just Cuomo from his things.
	What's he saying, though?
	What's the context?
	I think he's saying, like, you know, everybody's represented.
	I am a woman.
	I am black.
	I am gay.
	I am disabled.
	You know, whoever you are, we hear your voice.
	That's from Friday.
	That's Fridays.
	That's easy.
	That doesn't really count.
	Oh, this was great.
	That is a low point.
	He must want, if I was him, I would sue us and say, get that off the air.
	It's ruining my life.
	Tortu interference.
	This is a woman who tracked down her birth dad, which I don't recommend you do.
	I mean, you want to find out if he has lung cancer or, you know, diabetes or there's some sort of medical condition that you might.
	Cringe jumpitis.
	Yeah, cringe jumpitis.
	So you want to know for medical purposes, but it's never cool.
	He's never a good guy.
	That's why he walked out on you.
	He's a douche.
	Katsu is a douche.
	There's something wrong with Katsu.
	So there's nothing wrong with me?
	Well, let's not get it.
	So she's about to meet her dad.
	What are we waiting for?
	What are we waiting for?
	You shithead loser.
	Didn't we theorize that that was the way to stay out of her life more?
	We'd be like, what do I do to make her want to be a little bit more?
	Because if my biological dad did that, I would just like, turn around and you go the other way.
	He looks Jewish.
	I remember there's a terrible movie I don't recommend about baseball cards.
	And it's this little Jewish kid who tracks down his dad who abandoned him at 13, just walked out the door.
	Same with David Cross's Jewish dad.
	And the guy goes, us children of the Holocaust are very heartless.
	That's how he explained walking out on his son.
	Weird.
	All right.
	Cursing out de Blasio.
	This is an easy one, right?
	I think Kumia had him on his show.
	The guy who did it?
	Oh, that's great.
	How you doing?
	Not fucking good, you fucking rat, scumbag, fucking fag.
	You're in the wrong fucking city, you fucking scumbag.
	Oh, you fucking fucking scumbag.
	Oh, you motherfuckers.
	Cablasio, you're a fucking fucking cunt rag.
	Cunt rag.
	Fucking rat.
	It's very rare you hear the word fig.
	Yeah.
	And it's a great word.
	In fact, I've noticed I've been using it, calling everyone I know faggots.
	In fact, at my local, I wrote faggot on the bottle of fireball.
	Just FGT, though.
	So the owner doesn't get mad.
	And then when I go in, I go, I'll take a button and then give me a shot of Fireball Faggot.
	And then the bartender will go, what?
	What the fuck did you just say to me?
	Oh, no, it's called Fireball Faggot.
	Let me show you.
	And then the bottle says FGT on it.
	And my dad, I've been drinking with him all week.
	And he goes, that's getting annoying.
	And I said, many jokes are funny three times.
	Then they get unfunny 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 times.
	Then the 18th time, it becomes funny again.
	So have patience.
	All good things come to those who hate.
	Right.
	All right, next.
	Okay, so this is classic.
	Yeah, I don't think this is.
	I'm going to say, I want to be a toad.
	Okay, so there's that one.
	Then there's...
	I want to be a woman.
	Those don't occur on our very site, but these toads do.
	I feel like I'm a toad.
	Crazy Dinesh thinks he's a toad.
	Doad.
	And of course, that comes from free speech.
	And that was with, what's his name?
	Michael Shermer.
	Michael Shermer, Dinash D'Souza.
	Michael Shermer, by the way, who was shitting on Proud Boys recently as white supremacists.
	He's all about how the rational mind, and then he says dumb shit like that.
	But we fell in love with that, not because of it's an astute analogy, which it is, but something about his accent seems like D and T are the same letter.
	Toad.
	It makes me feel like I'm a toad.
	It's like D T T No, T D T O A D. Troad.
	Troad.
	It's amazing.
	I want to be a toad.
	A toad.
	He needs three pop filters to say it, not blow the PA.
	He's so funny because he's a badass who went to jail and will fight for his right to party.
	And he's a warrior on the front lines and has been my entire adult life.
	But he also looks like a cute little boy with an impish smile, a precocious child.
	He's like a monster baby.
	But in a very pleasant, nice way.
	Okay.
	So this is.
	This is from the song Flourishes.
	And in episode season two, 136, we go through all the different flourishes.
	They're called garnishes.
	Garnishes.
	God, you're dumb.
	Flourishes.
	Well, I don't know if garnishers is.
	Hey, they don't even show his face.
	What's there work when he goes, but there's come sail away with me, lads.
	There's a walk, and then there's a, baby, you got to slow.
	Got to slow down, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Little bit of COVID.
	I wonder if Prince, when that guy, because you never saw him again.
	I wonder if Prince was looking over like, all right, easy with the garnishes, dude.
	That's seven.
	All right, what else do we got here?
	These explosions of bullshit.
	Oh, that should have been with the other bullshit.
	That election, our election, was over at 10 o'clock in the evening.
	We're leading Pennsylvania, Michigan, Georgia, by hundreds of thousands of votes.
	And then late in the evening or early in the morning, boom, these explosions of bullshit.
	Classic.
	The guy's a master.
	Yes.
	We're just the master swearing, and Woody Allen is the master of cringe.
	Should we go through just all the Trumps?
	Sure.
	Okay.
	But I mean, people don't need context for these.
	I guess they sort of do.
	Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird.
	Where are they coming from?
	They're coming all over the place.
	They're coming, and they are coming at levels that you haven't even seen yet.
	I thought that was a great dishonor to her and to her family.
	Boom, these exposure.
	I'm going to come.
	I'll even kiss the men.
	You know, you don't have one of my favorites.
	What's that?
	Which is someone yells out, we love you.
	And he goes, I love you too.
	Yeah, I've been training you for that.
	Wait, that's a guy.
	That's a guy.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke, right?
	I like him too, but I don't know if I like him that much.
	Oh, so lucky.
	That is a lucky bird.
	You gotta be proud of you, boys.
	Sex is like not a big deal.
	I won't love it, but I'll kiss him.
	He's another Trump bird.
	That was Brandon Zaka getting a Stracha getting attacked on the streets, and they were filming it, and the girls knew they were going to go viral as homophobes.
	So they pointed out that the person they're attacking, yes, he is gay, but he's also a Trump supporter.
	Fag capital world.
	The fag capitals of the world.
	Now, we've had a lot of people send in stuff where they've researched the most gay-friendly cities, and it's like Melbourne, Australia, San Francisco, whatever, Tel Aviv.
	I think he's talking about Kansas City.
	He's not being entirely accurate when he says the fag capital of the world.
	He's just saying, I hate this fucking town.
	And of course, he had to apologize.
	My dad and I were getting into an argument about that golfer who called his ball faggot.
	He's like, no, he's calling himself faggot because he didn't hit the ball hard enough.
	I think he's calling the ball the faggot.
	Right.
	That's the thing about quietly swearing to yourself.
	It's not entirely rational.
	All right.
	What's next?
	Isa Fart?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	This is when my youngest boy was his youngest.
	This is the youngest he's ever been, a baby.
	And he didn't like that he was cute.
	It's sort of like supermodels.
	They're always, someone's fawning over them.
	They want you to take their poetry seriously or like they're photography.
	I'm actually a photographer.
	No, you're not.
	You're just a hot chick.
	You have nothing else to offer.
	And Johnny, when I would film him or something, and like one time he was eating a really minty candy.
	And he goes, oh, Pisces.
	Hey, Pisce.
	And then I brought out my camera.
	And then he thought, oh, I'm probably saying spicy wrong, aren't I?
	Okay, you want to film me getting the word wrong?
	Fuck you.
	Then he walked away and ran to my wife going, it's Pisce, Pisce.
	So this moment, he discovered our whoopee cushion.
	And this is a really good one.
	It has foam in it, so it self-fills.
	You don't have to blow in it.
	So the kids can play with it for hours.
	So he's sitting on it, and I'm pretending I don't know what that is.
	And he goes, holy shit, finally, I know about something that someone else doesn't know about.
	I'm going to tell him.
	So this is him explaining to me what a fart is.
	With this little raspy voice.
	Oh, it's the fart.
	Do it again.
	Now this has...
	We went 800 more times, please.
	He looks concerned too.
	He's like, just make it.
	It's a fart.
	Yeah, well, he's at work.
	This is business.
	I had to clear up a misunderstanding.
	My father has never heard of a fart.
	You know what he did the other day to me?
	I go, okay, we got baseball soon, so let's wrap it up on the screens.
	And he's washing his hands, and then he looks at me and my wife, and he goes, and then he walks out of the bathroom and walks past us, and then when he's like two feet away from us, he just lets out a It was perfection.
	Holy shit, did we laugh at him?
	That was amazing.
	And you could tell, I couldn't see his face, and I could tell he was smiling, but the character was the fuck you guy.
	So we had to just keep walking.
	Yeah.
	And then maybe he allowed himself to smile when he turned the corner.
	And you know, that's sacrifice there because you don't get to see the reaction.
	I'm sure you want to turn around and see the reaction, but you got to commit.
	Screaming laugh.
	You know, that's one of those things like the jellyfish, where when you first told a story, it was like, Isa Fat.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Oh, he's a fat.
	Yeah.
	Like a little merchant Chinese man.
	Yeah.
	What's that?
	Well, when I did that how to make pancakes video, my daughter is looking at Elmo's eyes and she goes, oh, they look like little Chinese tables or something.
	And then Johnny goes, oh, is Elmo?
	He's Chinese.
	Oh, that's actually in that episode too, 186, the one that we showed before with the flourishes.
	I believe that's in that episode.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	Okay, so this one we all know.
	It's some famous ZooTuber.
	What's his YouTuber?
	What's his name?
	Zubi or something?
	Let me know.
	FauzyTube.
	FauzyTube.
	So he's like, I read the comments, which you'd have to be retarded to do.
	And he takes them seriously.
	And he's sitting here telling people, don't take the comments seriously.
	They call you a loser.
	They call you gay.
	And I started to feel that way.
	First off, I want to dedicate this award to the DOF Brubra's, the best family on YouTube.
	Second off, this year I became one of the most hated YouTubers on the platform.
	I felt worthless.
	That's maybe because I let RiceGum punch me in the face, or maybe because I came out and said 99% of the pranks on YouTube are fake.
	I felt ugly.
	But I want to say this.
	For a long time, I looked at myself in the mirror and I based myself based on what I read on the comments.
	I felt worthless.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	I felt that no, like that, just based on what they told me.
	I reminded myself the two most important things.
	What did Kelly Husband say?
	I had to use for myself whenever I was fighting my mental illness.
	Those two words are I am.
	Yeah, in the sense that we don't have to explain that one, right?
	We've done that to death.
	Yeah.
	I just were talking about illegal aliens.
	Everyone was zinging it.
	And Rosie Perez was like, da, da, da, da, da, da, and boom.
	And everyone was like, yeah, you nailed it, girl.
	They were doing the Hitler thing.
	Unt van Heiven, van Stoven, und van Jomen.
	Ah!
	Saying things in threes.
	I just saw the news on the homepage.
	Is anyone reading that?
	Let's get rid of that.
	It's costing me a fortune.
	I'm done with it.
	Oh, the news?
	Gotcha.
	The news.
	Have you ever checked it out?
	No.
	Oh, yeah.
	Well, yeah.
	I think if there's only six headlines, it's like, wow, we picked some good ones.
	But, I mean.
	This one is hot shit.
	My opinion is.
	Hot shit.
	Wait, I forgot what I was talking about.
	Oh, yeah.
	The view.
	So she's saying, so she wants to talk in threes.
	And so she says a couple things.
	And then she goes, and also, who is going to clean your toilets?
	Donald Trump?
	And then they all went, oh, and then she went, in the sense that, and then Rosie Perez was mad at her.
	She apologized.
	And then Kelly Osborne complained to the producers saying that Rosie Perez had been mean to her and she was traumatized by the incident.
	So then Rosie Perez had to apologize to Kelly Osborne.
	And then Rosie Perez quit.
	Women.
	Broads.
	All right, so you got Gary with hot shit.
	Yep, Gary hot shit.
	Dude, there's like 10 pages of these.
	We're not doing all these.
	All right.
	What's next?
	This one's a classic.
	Or we'll try to speed it up a lot.
	Homeboy's gonna like edit.
	Kavanaugh saying I like beer that's simple and then there's the song by what's his name I like beer Tom T. Hall Taneshi Coates this is just like the Abbos where white people are fawning over this guy just because they're supposed to and he's talking about how white people act like they own the place which we've noticed black women do far more often that means you're gay what's this name and
	I don't get it I don't get how anyone with an IQ over 80 could watch those and not say this is fucking garbage but who knows uh joker you get what you deserve that doesn't need explanation indian joker face trend in india where guys make this stupid face and you're supposed to be blown away.
	Look how shitty India is in the background.
	How did this catch on?
	Oh, he timed it.
	He fucked it up.
	You had one job, dude.
	And his adrenaline's rushing, so he's like going way too fast.
	All right, we're getting sucked in here.
	Yes.
	We're watching 20 of them.
	I Will Eat Your Ass, Alex Jones.
	Of course.
	We thought this is funny because it sounds like anilingus, but it is actually him talking about the end of the world.
	And if the power grid goes down and there's no more fuel, he's definitely armed to the teeth.
	He's ready for that.
	But eventually, if all his supplies run out, he's going to eat his neighbors.
	He's going to kill his neighbors and feed them to his kids.
	Because if it came down to his kids dying of starvation and his neighbors living, he would choose his kids eating his neighbors.
	He doesn't want them to die.
	But I'm literally looking at my neighbors now and going, I'm ready to hang them up and gut them and scan them and chop them up.
	You know what?
	I'm ready.
	My daughters aren't starving to death.
	I swear to God, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get my hands around your throat.
	Superpower is being honest.
	I'll eat your ass.
	I will.
	Alex Jones.
	He's the most muscular fat guy I've ever punched in my life.
	And it hurts your wrists to punch him.
	It's like punching a tree.
	And when he hits you, it's a battering ram.
	It fucking kills.
	All right, this is going too long, dude.
	Is there any more important ones?
	Mikey, that's just some chick trying to buy crack, I think.
	Don't fuck it.
	I don't want to make a scene.
	There's a cop over there, and there's a cop over there.
	We just did Kelly Osborne.
	I'm not oppressed, I'm an asshole.
	That's a key and peel sketch where this guy's being an annoying fag, and the guy thinks that he's a homophobe, but then he realizes the guy he thinks his homophobe is actually gay, and his boyfriend's name is Gavin.
	And he goes, oh, I'm not oppressed.
	I'm just an asshole.
	You know who sent me this sketch?
	Patton Oswalt.
	Before he had Trump Derrangement Syndrome, he was pretty cool, open-minded.
	Trump really made a lot of people go nuts and get dumber.
	Jim Gaffigan used to be super patriotic, pro-West, pro-Catholic.
	So all his ideals fit with Trump, and then he got Trump Derrangement Syndrome and became a nut and talked about white supremacy all over the fucking place.
	What's this?
	Oh, Candace talking to Hawk.
	This guy renamed himself.
	We never use this one, Ryan.
	We should be using...
	I try to throw that in.
	Nothing wrong with that is your dad.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	Being interviewed, he's talking about at college he was the only straight guy out of a whole bunch of chicks.
	And last longer.
	Last double.
	Last double.
	Why?
	I like to create something.
	I was pretty good at it, to create when I was in school.
	Then actually, real story is I was riding a motorcycle.
	I want to be a motorcycle racer, but it's very, you know, I need lots of money to do it.
	And my family doesn't support for that.
	How did he get to America?
	What I want to do.
	You need a talent.
	You can't replace an American job.
	You have to bring jobs and say that I have a unique thing.
	Then you get a visa, then you go to a green card.
	You can't just show up and say, I want to cut some hairs or something.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	That's the problem with our immigration system.
	Something wrong with that.
	Yeah, something's wrong with that.
	Okay, sopranos, veto clip.
	Got tons of sopranos, but yeah, the veto clip I think is probably the best one.
	So that's when they discovered Vito was gay and he said, I'm just kidding.
	We had him on the show, if you recall.
	Right.
	And he says this was his idea.
	To make him gay, right.
	Oh, oh, oh.
	Vito, what the fuck?
	Oh!
	How did you say that?
	Sopranos is two shows.
	You watch it one time and you love Tony, then you watch it the second time and you go, this guy's a dick.
	I hate this fucking shit.
	Fucking skeevish shit.
	He's a fag.
	Warren Baraka.
	He had a good outfit, didn't he?
	You just did it.
	Never happened in the States.
	Vito?
	What the fuck?
	Sal.
	This sounds very gay.
	What are you doing?
	Nothing.
	I was here.
	It's a joke.
	You're a fucking fag?
	Watch it, buddy.
	Guys, come on.
	It's okay.
	You think so?
	Sal, please.
	It's a fucking joke.
	Right.
	A fucking joke.
	Say hi to your wife.
	I'm serious.
	I'm Sal, please.
	Don't say nothing, Sal.
	You're cooked, my friend.
	Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke, right?
	So we're not doing any of the Sopranos ones.
	Those are all easy.
	We just blasted through them.
	On your feet, soldier, is...
	Well, why don't you tell the story, Ryan?
	My cringy story that my grandfather was, when he was drinking, he's now sober, feeling a little depressed.
	He was thinking about ending it.
	You know, he was traumatized from NOM and stuff like that.
	And my grandmother said, your grandfather wants to talk to you.
	So I went up there.
	He's like, Poppy, I can't do it anymore, man.
	This is tough.
	And then.
	And you were how old?
	I don't know, like early teens, maybe.
	So you're not great at dealing with an old war vet's thoughts of suicide.
	Anywhere from like...
	What's really your area of expertise at the age of fucking 14.
	Anywhere from 12 to like 16.
	That's a wide range.
	That's quite a range.
	I said, on your feet, soldier.
	I actually said corporal too.
	Corporal.
	So wait a minute.
	You just ruined the story.
	So you stood by.
	Was he on a mattress on the floor?
	No, he's on his bed, like sitting there, just like on the edge of the bed.
	You said, on your feet, corporal.
	Yep.
	And what did he do?
	He didn't react to that.
	He just closed his eyes.
	He might not have stood up.
	He might have stood up.
	He just stood up, put the revolver in his mouth, and then shot me instead.
	Thanks, Ryan.
	You really showed me what my problem is.
	It's not me.
	He said, at least I'm not that guy.
	Yeah.
	I already feel better.
	He's letting your head explode.
	There's nothing more appropriate in a flashback of Nom to then shoot a slanty-eyed person in the head.
	Yeah.
	There's some gook in his bedroom going, on your feet, corporal.
	You're lucky you didn't get blown away.
	You didn't have a flashback.
	That's like Derek Beckles when his parents were getting divorced.
	He was around the same age.
	And his dad was really sad.
	I think his dad got dumped by his crazy Latina mom.
	His dad's black.
	And Derek came up with an idea.
	He wrote up the lyrics to Boys Don't Cry by The Cure.
	And then he pinned it on the corkboard in the kitchen.
	And when his dad came in, he went, hey, dad.
	Oh, no.
	Pointed to it and then walked out of the room.
	And he still, when he remembers that, he goes, ah.
	Yeah, like a physical pain.
	Oof, that ain't good.
	All right, what else?
	Okay.
	Orson Welles.
	Yes, this is a class.
	We all know this, right?
	Wasted doing Paul Masson wines.
	Does it do anything?
	No, it's not really.
	We've been through this a million times.
	We think he's saying, does this do anything?
	We used to think it was just say anything.
	What else?
	Oh, this is, what's his name?
	Marcellus Sean?
	Sean Marcellus.
	What's his name again?
	Marshawn Lynch.
	Marshawn Lynch.
	Cool guy.
	Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
	He would always fuck with people doing interviews.
	He hated doing interviews.
	He thought they were gay and he was always messing with people.
	And when he was explaining, they go, what's your technique for capping?
	He goes, you just have to run through a motherfucker's face.
	And when you do that over and over and over again, they're scared of you.
	And then the interview is trying to derive some sort of bigger meaning.
	And he goes, I assume there's some sort of metaphor there.
	And he goes, you just run through a motherfucker's face.
	Check out Marshall Lynch, whatever his name is.
	Any press interviews after the game, they're fucking great.
	Although he did something that pissed me off.
	I can't remember what it was.
	Maybe he shot on Trump or something.
	Maybe, is it possible that he...
	Now, this is easy.
	This is in Uganda, I believe, where it is a capital offense to be a homosexual.
	You will die if you're gay.
	And this gentleman was claiming that he'd been doing some research on gayness, and Barack Obama was telling them they need to lay off these anti-sodomy.
	Oh, she's pretty.
	These anti-sodomy laws.
	And he goes, I looked it up to see what they're doing.
	I looked at gay porn, and they were eating shit.
	And this one is eating the poop all over the place.
	A parental guidance moment.
	Hey, that child can do no doubt.
	So I've done research.
	This is what they do.
	Number one, you can see a man here coming.
	So he shows them gay porn.
	And the weirdest thing about that conference is nobody's laughing.
	That should be a capital offense.
	It's quiet for them.
	It's quiet.
	Yeah, no, it's quiet for them.
	We have no idea what this retarded genius thing is.
	They are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses.
	That's great.
	No idea where that was sent in by a viewer, right?
	Yes.
	And then Rogan saying he cries at happy things.
	I cheer up for happy things.
	That's self-explanatory.
	I cheer up for sad things.
	Aneurysm on the toilet came from Scared Straight, where this guy's got a lot of, as Ryan would say, flourishing.
	Yes.
	He's really got a lot of style to his scaring.
	He's all garnished.
	I think you look at him crazy.
	Are you threatening him?
	I think you did too.
	I'm threatening him.
	Dude, I can feel your heartbeating through your shirt.
	Are you scared?
	Why would you be scared at that?
	It's like a roller coaster.
	You know, they can't hurt you.
	Anybody can kill you.
	You can slip and fall in a banana field.
	You can get in a car wreck.
	You can fall off a bridge.
	You can have an aneurysm on a tour.
	You never know.
	That makes it so much better.
	You never know.
	There's like a sane tone happening.
	You can have an aneurysm on my tarmac.
	Just going to send it.
	Comes from this hoser in.
	I don't know where.
	I know in Canada, but is it...
	It's this much snow, you think it's Winnipeg.
	I also, for some reason, think it's East Coast.
	Gonna enter about three-quarter to full throttle.
	Come down that hill pretty fast.
	Hit that water.
	Just gonna hold her wide.
	Gonna be a good day.
	Hold her wide.
	It's gonna be a good day.
	No fucking way.
	I think he did it, yeah.
	Wow.
	Well, that was close, though.
	He sent it.
	He also seemed to be going at an angle there, which can't be good.
	Jesus Christ.
	Shut up, Janet.
	We know that one, Louis C.K. talking about if guns were legal, we'd all kill.
	Situation is self-explanatory.
	It's a Trump roast where he was the least funny person in the history of comedy.
	What are you going to do?
	Oh, I'm glad we didn't stop doing this because it hurt me today as important context.
	This was a really good, as Louis C.K. said, SNL should only do these shorts.
	They should kill the whole stupid reading the cue cards thing.
	It's fucking embarrassing.
	And no one looks like this when they're talking to someone.
	And you can see the other guys in the sketch also looking at the cue cards Because they want to see when their line is coming up.
	They want to make sure they don't miss it.
	So it's awkward and tense.
	But anyway, this is not awkward and tense.
	And it's about Valentine's Day.
	And it's making fun of CVS for having anything at it and how little you'd have to love your girlfriend to buy something there.
	You know she'll love.
	Pick up some G-rated CVS brand sex dice.
	Kisses hoe.
	Of course it's not.
	It's her the night of her dreams.
	Fucking bad.
	Still frozen.
	Well, now it's just a series of pictures.
	Well, no, see, you gotta show more of it here.
	Why is it lagging so bad?
	You have hurt me today.
	We just thought that was funny because he says you can put your makeup in it and it's a Christmas stocking for Valentine's Day.
	Okay, that was ruined.
	Sometimes the complaints will be false.
	That's a fucking amazing thing about how they're doing an office training thing.
	My kids love the office.
	They hate the UK office.
	What are you doing?
	We'll kick off with your leader.
	Can't hear anything.
	David.
	You'd like to come up here?
	Maybe round of applause to David.
	No, no, no.
	I'm cheating, really.
	I've done this before.
	Oh, God.
	Well, that should make it a lot easier for you.
	Okay, well, nice and simple to start with.
	Hard as you like.
	Well, let's just kick off with something nice and easy.
	Okay.
	I want us to play out a scenario that highlights customer care.
	Okay.
	That all of you have to deal with people.
	And it's always possible to improve your people's skills.
	Right, in this scenario, we'll start with some of the things that we're doing.
	He ends up getting a job instructions.
	I'm going to play a very bad hotel manager who just doesn't care.
	If it's a Basil Faulty type character, then we'll that maybe I should do it just for the comedy.
	Yeah, well let me just play just you know just to kick things off, okay?
	I'll probably bring so much to this role anyway.
	Right.
	Okay, well you've got to complain.
	You come and complain and I'll show you the wrong way to handle it.
	This will be the wrong way.
	Okay.
	Right, so I'm going to go.
	Sorry, what's the complaint?
	Just make it up.
	Anything, because there's no right or wrong thing in this scenario.
	Then we tell you the right thing afterwards, so we might as well.
	You've got a complaint.
	Right.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	I'd like to make a complaint, please.
	Don't care.
	Well, I am staying in the hotel.
	I don't care.
	It's not my shift.
	Well, you're an ambassador for the hotel.
	I don't care.
	I think you'll care when I tell you what the complaint is.
	I think there's been a rape up there.
	Rape.
	Right there.
	Workers' attention.
	Get their attention.
	Okay?
	Right, so well, some interesting points.
	So you like this point.
	I'm just going to point up there.
	It's not quite the point I was trying to make.
	Different points to be made.
	I'm more interested in customer characters.
	Why were you always playing with your tie?
	And he said, because I'd never worn a tie before, so it felt unusual around my neck.
	I phased you.
	But you have a go, see if you can phase me, okay?
	Yeah, right.
	Okay.
	Hello, I wish to make a complaint.
	Not interested.
	My room is an absolute disgrace.
	Don't care.
	The bathroom doesn't appear to have been clean.
	What room are you in?
	362.
	There is no 362 in this hotel.
	Sometimes the complaints will be false.
	That's great.
	You son of a bitch is obviously the predator where what happens?
	Arnold Schwarzenegger meets up with Carl Weathers or someone?
	Good morning, Saxon.
	I mean, if you don't know that meme, you can go fuck yourself.
	Spooky was again Harry and Paul after the guy talks about how everything is English.
	Scottish.
	Some guy says everything is Scottish.
	He's an annoying Scottophile who's Scottish.
	And then he leaves and then Paul Whitefield goes, don't you worry about him, pal.
	I come at life from a sideways look.
	Imagine if there was all no walls in the world.
	We'd all be in one big room.
	There he is.
	We're not all like that.
	I take it sideways.
	Look at that.
	I take it sideways.
	Aunt Coates fantastic with two great tubes for your arms and your wee handies free at the end to do things like drink beer or wank.
	Now you know this is one of the oldest.
	Eau de Symbols, of course, is.
	Oh, that is the get-out guy.
	Yep.
	Oh.
	That's Terrence Howard at Oxford doing a lecture.
	Did they not screen these people first?
	This I don't get.
	Like, did the guys who put this together know that he's a fucking lunatic?
	It takes, honestly, eight seconds of listening to him to know that he's out of his mind.
	From the pranksters that brought you to bring you some of these things.
	Lord help me.
	A box of toys?
	What is it, Mr. Rogers?
	What I've done is I've figured out about 70 different seven different elementary particles.
	Seven or 70.
	And then there were secondary generational particles that seemed to occur.
	And when these things began to build up more and more.
	He's too dumb to be nervous.
	They began to create their own systems.
	And these systems is what I brought to Oxford because I would like for you guys to.
	This is like two hours long, and I highly recommend you carve some time out of your day.
	Or maybe you're cleaning the kitchen.
	You're giving your wife a break.
	You're going to do all the dishes and put them away, everything.
	Put this on.
	It's incredible.
	I think what's happening to him is he's used to talking to women that want to blow him.
	So just like that model that wants you to care about her photography or that baby that thinks you've never heard of a fart, he's not used to real criticism.
	So when he's actually there at Oxford and he has to present his case, he realizes he has no idea what he's talking about.
	Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.
	Any other number that you above two that you put in and you cube and you square, cube and square by the six operations.
	It's meth stuff.
	You know, you talk to meth heads about math, and they've got all these theories, and then they sober up and go to Oxford and try to recreate them and realize, oh, that shit I thought I came up with makes no sense.
	Oh, that's true.
	This is a good one.
	These are these two women from Florida.
	It's a mother-daughter team.
	And they deal with stress by removing negative coils that go down your spine, and you pull them out of your head like a big long piece of yarn.
	And they do all kinds of tantric massage.
	There's a whole website there of their stuff.
	What are they called?
	The Angelic Initiative.
	The Angelic Initiative.
	You can look that up on your own.
	Almost as good as almost as good as Terrence Howard.
	Not quite as good.
	But at one point, she gets mad at one of her trees who is refusing to listen to her.
	This is amazing, where this black man, he calls himself, he's an ex-football player, decides to have uncomfortable conversations about race.
	And he just makes up shit.
	No data, no stats.
	These are the Geraldo of racism.
	And it's just like, black people, when they commit a crime, yes, they do kill a lot of black people, but they get arrested for that.
	Cops, they kill people they don't go to jail for that.
	That's not true, sir.
	They go to fucking jail if they shoot an unarmed black man for no reason.
	And black criminals don't go to jail because no one can get to there.
	How do you go to the hood and investigate a murder if you're a white detective or a fucking black detective?
	No one's talking.
	75% of black on black crime goes unsolved.
	But he doesn't look this up.
	He doesn't know this.
	And so Matthew McConaughey, who also has Down syndrome, decides he wants to talk to this guy and he wants to start having like intellectual discussions.
	He reckons himself the new Gore Vidal.
	And what a shit show.
	What a retard.
	Amazing.
	What did he just say?
	Is equality not?
	Wait, the body.
	Heard.
	Heard.
	Heard.
	Equality.
	The definition of equality.
	What equality is and what is equality not?
	It's been an American issue forever, and we continue to work and grow and evolve.
	What the definition of equality should be.
	How about everyone has the same opportunities to better themselves with public education and eventually cheap city colleges and then get a job?
	And they should not be discriminated against for their gender or their race.
	In fact, I got an idea.
	Let's make it illegal to discriminate against someone for their...
	So if someone has a job and then the guy sees they're black and says, I'm firing you because you're black, you could sue him.
	That's illegal.
	Why don't we institute that?
	We did.
	Boom.
	Done.
	Yes, there were some shitty times.
	We do have a rocky past.
	But let's leave that in the past and accept that in 2021.
	There's people born poor.
	There's people grown rich.
	Two-thirds of the world's billionaires were bootstrapped billionaires, picked themselves up by their bootstraps, made themselves rich.
	Go to school, get C's, and you'll be good.
	All right.
	Tiger King, we don't have to explain.
	Throwing themselves into the road is obviously the greatest, one of my top three movies.
	Husbands and Wives With The On Eye, Animal House, I think, are my top three.
	Throwing themselves into the road, gladly.
	Fantastic film.
	Tiger King, We Don't Have to Explain.
	Nobody got time for that was a news show where a woman was being interviewed about a believe a fire or something.
	And she was doing that usual colorful ghetto commentary.
	Yeah, there was an era of news where they just used to get interviews of people being interesting.
	Then I ran out.
	I didn't grab no shoes or nothing, Jesus.
	I ran for my life.
	And then the smoke got her.
	I got bronchitis.
	Ain't nobody got time for that.
	Beautiful.
	And then, of course, there's Breitbart.
	We've all seen that, right?
	Where he says, you want to call me a Timothy McVay?
	Let's just play it anyway.
	Oh, did he have hair lip as a young man?
	Looks like it.
	It looks like he had a cleft lip.
	Right?
	All the people that have gone there against the mainstream media and said, you're going to call us racist.
	You're going to call us potential Timothy McVays.
	Fuck you.
	What?
	What?
	This you have to watch.
	This is...
	I'm putting this up there with Terrence Howard, but it's not ironic.
	It's just good quality.
	It's called, I think you should leave.
	I think you should leave now, yeah.
	Netflix.
	And it's a guy, I'm convinced, he's friends with Kristen Wigg and all the top comedians in the country.
	I'm convinced he had no career because his nose is too big.
	And it looks weird.
	I don't mind it.
	I don't need you to be gorgeous, to be funny, but his career's gone nowhere.
	He got this Netflix special with all these huge, not Netflix special, Netflix show, with all these huge celebrity comedians on it that he knows.
	But he's never done anything before or since.
	I blame his nose.
	Anyway, in this sketch, his girlfriend was eating too much of the nachos.
	And so he went to the waiter and he said, can you tell her that it's illegal here at this restaurant?
	It's forbidden for people to eat too many of the chips and not share enough.
	And she goes, did you tell him to say that?
	And he goes, what?
	Did you ask him to come over here and say that?
	What?
	Did you ask him to say that?
	What the hell are you talking about?
	You got up, you talked to him for a long time, and then the minute you sit down, he comes over and says that the restaurant has this room.
	Sketch makes me hungry.
	Younger me would have thought she was ugly.
	And younger me is wrong.
	What do you think?
	What?
	What?
	I went up there to ask if we could search a table.
	There's an air conditioner above this table, and I was worried you were gonna get cold.
	There's no vent above us.
	What?
	Did he ask you to come over and say that about the nachos?
	He did.
	What?
	I went up there to complain about the rule.
	You just learned the rule.
	He just came over here.
	Him!
	What is going on?
	Take the check.
	What's that?
	Say that again.
	We're gonna be so early for that movie.
	I'm not going to the movie.
	You know that she's hot now because you fucked girls and you can tell she's a good lay.
	Oh.
	Smart girls are fun to fuck, if I recall.
	Good point.
	Yeah, they're open-minded.
	They want to try stuff.
	They're interesting.
	Open-legged.
	In bed.
	Hot chicks, not so much.
	They're fucking hack.
	Hot chicks are hack.
	I'm not attracted to hot chicks anymore.
	What?
	You heard them.
	Okay, last ones.
	Yeah, Chris Angel.
	Oh, that one is a famous interview.
	I think it's in Ghana where he says, why are you gay?
	He's talking to a gay person.
	She says, I'm not gay.
	Takes all but two seconds for him to come out the gate.
	Hello and welcome back.
	This is the topical discussion on NBS television.
	My name is Simon Kagwanjara.
	And well, we're also weighing in on the raging debate on homosexuality in Uganda, which is taking another twist today.
	With questions, it is indeed becoming a safe haven for homosexuality.
	President Museveni on Sunday, while attending the inauguration of the new Archbishop of the Church of Uganda at Namirimbe Cathedral, insisted.
	Nice informative lead-in.
	My buddy has a hack box that you can watch anything in.
	And I just watch, every time I go to his house, I watch Public Access in the Caribbean.
	It's fascinating.
	And the quality of the audio is always brutally bad.
	This is good.
	But this is in the Caribbean.
	Good morning.
	Why are you gay?
	Who says I'm gay?
	You are gay.
	You are a transgender.
	What shows that I'm gay?
	You are a transgender.
	And you are a gay rights activist and an outspoken lesbian.
	You are gay.
	Homosexual.
	Awesome.
	And then this was, I think, the end of Chris Angel's career.
	It was sort of like the Jake Paul fight, where he says he's going to take a dune buggy off a ramp.
	This must be cocaine.
	He must have just destroyed his mind with cocaine.
	Vegas cocaine.
	His brain's garbage.
	And he's going to shoot this dune buggy off the ramp, then in midair, jump out of the dune buggy, and then in a millisecond, open the cage, go in it, and close the door.
	And coincidentally, they don't show anything.
	It was subpar.
	And then finally, our favorite guy, Cartnark, where this dude wastes hours and hours of his own time pursuing people who don't put their carts back and making them go insane with rage.
	Risking his life, by the way, to do this, to amuse us.
	And I don't like prank calls because it's wasting someone's time, but this is the right target.
	It's a silly thing to put a cart away.
	And when they overreact and get mad, I don't feel bad that I'm wasting their time.
	You know what I mean?
	Like when you call dominoes and you order a blood, a period of pizza or something, I'm like, the guy's at work, leave him alone.
	But this guy, I don't feel that way.
	I love that he's being antagonized.
	Sir, I don't want to go.
	I don't want to go there.
	I want to have a polite conversation.
	You don't want a polite conversation.
	You don't have to.
	You don't have to.
	You don't have to.
	Leave me alone.
	He didn't take his cart back.
	He's being very antsy about it.
	I don't know why.
	He's trying to kick me.
	He's abusing me.
	What human abuse is, sir?
	I'm having a polite conversation.
	You're not.
	When somebody says they don't want to talk to you, you turn around and walk away.
	But, sir, you...
	Yeah, your drop for that's too short.
	It should be you turn around and walk away.
	That is the new one.
	Oh, good.
	Okay.
	We got an update.
	Here it is.
	Let's see.
	You turn around and walk away.
	Bam!
	There it is, folks.
	Those are all our most...
	Those aren't all our drops, right?
	No.
	Those are all our most popular drops, and you've now seen the origin of them.
	I hope that wasn't too long.
	It felt a little boring towards the end there, but we got to be thorough.
	We have to be thorough.
	I am done.
	You're gone.
	Um.
	My mother told me she was date raped last night.
	Oh my god, I'm sorry.
	It's terrible now.
	Pretty big deal.
	She said she wants to go to the pub.
	Okay.
	So I take her there.
	And I have to drop her off because I got to do good shit with the kids.
	And then one drink later, she goes, I want to go home.
	The bartender says, you know, you've been drinking, you're 80, and it's like three miles away.
	And she goes, I'm going to walk.
	And he goes, no, I'll get you a cab or something.
	I don't want this on my watch.
	And now I'm mad that my mom's messing up my local and inconveniencing my bartender.
	That's my safe space.
	And they took a lot of shit, by the way, for having me there.
	Like, they harassed the landlord, all kinds of shit.
	But anyway, so I'm driving her back.
	She's changed her mind, by the way, by the time I get there.
	I'm like, okay, going home.
	Going home.
	So she goes, you know, your father's a horrible person, blah, blah, blah.
	And then she goes, and I've never forgiven him for that time in Germany when I was date raped.
	What?
	I have to kill my dad now?
	Say that again?
	Yeah, we were at a wine tasting, and he was really rude to me that night because he had to carry me home.
	Okay.
	What happened?
	I think they rappinauled me at the wine tasting.
	She means we're hypno, roofies.
	I go, and they do that.
	They do that to take your passport and your wallet and they rob you.
	And that's why I was passed out.
	That's why I had to be carried home.
	Because I was Rapinauled.
	And I go, okay, so you were carried home that night.
	You didn't stay at some party and sleep somewhere.
	When were you sexually violated?
	And she goes, oh, I wasn't sexually violated.
	And I go, you said you were date raped.
	She goes, that's what they call the drug.
	No.
	Rape.
	Okay.
	So the worst case scenario is you were Ropenault.
	Best case scenario is you just drank too much and dad was mad.
	Can you not throw the word rape in there, please?
	I was ready to murder my father.
	Slit his throat.
	Sex is like not a big deal.
	Tabernac to call this.
	All right.
	That 100th episode dip into the video drops swallowed up a lot of the show.
	So we're already ready for the mailbag, folks.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dead.
	Let's turn the fruits together's mailbag.
	Let me touch your bridge.
	See, I come to work when I'm sick and spread it to my co-workers.
	Oh, I got a cool letter from the cop who was fired.
	Remember the Tower Church in Fresno?
	So he was fired for being a proud boy.
	And we talked to Haley White about it and said, why did you get that cop fired?
	She denied it.
	And he said, dear Gavin, just saw the piece you did on me and the Tower Church in Fresno.
	For as much as Haley White wants to say she knows what I was doing down there, she's completely full of shit.
	I went down there to watch, not protest or even counter-protest.
	I actually don't want the theater to be sold.
	So I side with the LGBT community on these, on this, but these idiots don't care about facts.
	I was in Proud Boys.
	I haven't been in Proud Boys for six months, but I got doxxed anyways.
	And when Mayor Dyer and Chief Paco found out, I was terminated without even being able to give a statement.
	18 years, no claims of racial issues, no excessive force, and no sustained IA investigations.
	And just because I wore a Fred Perry back in November, I was fired, no questions asked.
	They have no evidence that I broke any laws or even violated policy.
	That's how charged the political BS is out here.
	Anyway, I'm fighting it.
	Take care.
	Pretty nuts, huh?
	That is infuriating.
	Hi, fags.
	It's a really risky thing to build an entire network around a flagship show.
	When the brand is so heavily centered around one well-known personality, it puts everyone else at risk if something should happen to that person.
	Gavin, what is your plan if Gary dies and can't do the mailbag anymore?
	That guy has an Indian name.
	We would just shut it down.
	Of course.
	Obviously.
	We would taffer it.
	We go our separate ways.
	I guess what we do is we just try to get back on YouTube.
	Maybe write a letter to Jack?
	It still wouldn't feel right.
	Hi, Fags.
	It's really risky thing to...
	Oh, sorry.
	Okay, I was one of those people who thought it was crazy when people said if you allow gay marriage, the next people want to legalize incest.
	But here we are.
	The New York Times writes about the advocates.
	Wait, they need links to the New York Post.
	So welcome to a world where sick men raise their doors.
	Consensual incest should be decriminalized, advocates say.
	Australian Richard Morris is pushing to change incest laws in about 60 countries.
	How low are we going here?
	16, 15, 14, 8?
	Necrophilia next?
	What's...
	Yeah.
	You understand that we have these laws because children can't consent.
	They're too young.
	They can easily be brainwashed by adults.
	You got that, right?
	I mean, we're already brainwashing these kids to be trans because we think it makes us cool.
	These fucking Munchausen moms who want to be able to say, my kid is trans.
	Because of white guilt, by the way.
	Like, my neighbors hate me and Jews call me an anti-Semite because they feel terrible guilt for being white and living in an all-white neighborhood.
	So they want to vilify alleged Nazis.
	So it puts them, it alleviates their guilt.
	I did the good thing.
	I fought.
	I had a Black Lives Matter sign in front of my $2 million mansion.
	Here's a funny Scottish girl arguing with her uncle.
	Okay.
	My thing just froze up.
	Here we go.
	She's acting up.
	She's acting smart.
	She's acting for an audience.
	I'm going to be rude to you.
	I'm going to be rude to you.
	Punishment.
	What you say by yourself?
	She's like a little grown-up.
	Hello, Senora Gaband, Senor Maricón.
	You love the premise of the show Them.
	It's a mind-blowing level of hate they are pumping out.
	Stumbled upon this garbage.
	The director also has a film about Karl Marx and Engels that only made $100,000 in the U.S. box office.
	Young Karl Marx.
	International box office, $4 million.
	That's pretty good, isn't it?
	But I don't know the show them, do you?
	Oh, here we go.
	So this is like a reverse thing, right?
	Where whites are black and blacks are white?
	Pretty nice, huh?
	Oh, no, no, no.
	They move into a white neighborhood, but people aren't just racist.
	They're like aliens and murderers and stuff.
	You couldn't imagine a nicer place to live.
	I wish I was home.
	I wish I was home.
	They probably want to eat them or something.
	This is what it's like in my neighborhood, by the way.
	Without the wave.
	The other day, this woman was staring at me.
	I was playing baseball with my kids.
	This is how she was.
	And she stares.
	This is a new thing with the liberals where they just stare at me like this.
	Which, if it's someone in MS-13 and they have a facial tattoo, that's fucking scary.
	When it's a 60-year-old woman, you go...
	So she stares and stares and she's walking but staring and then her head is having to crane, right?
	Because she's walking past me.
	And then she goes like this, ready for this?
	You're going to shit your pants.
	She goes...
	No.
	Yes.
	She does not.
	Yes.
	Fucking.
	She's a werewolf.
	Wow.
	Does that mean you're going to eat me?
	Gavin derangement syndrome.
	Yeah.
	I know vampires suck your blood.
	Do werewolves eat people?
	I think they do, right?
	Yeah.
	They'll eat like they'd rather have like a deer.
	They are a wolf.
	But I think they'll eat a person.
	So she's going to eat my face, I guess?
	When the full moon comes.
	She's going to like eat my thigh.
	Just go on vacation during the full moon.
	Yeah, I got to get the fuck out of Dodge when there's a full moon.
	There's were Karens everywhere.
	Were Karens.
	I just laughed, of course.
	There's a disturbing view into what happens when leftist groups like feminists are free to do what they want without question.
	Pure exploitation on those around them to supplement their lack of talent.
	God almost hit the reset button when this channel was formed.
	And it is Fart Inhaler.
	Oh no.
	And what is this?
	Oh, this is all...
	People making fun of Handicappy?
	I believe so.
	Or trying to be inclusive?
	There's a...
	Which one are we picking here?
	There's...
	They all look...
	Oh, I've seen this one.
	This covered on Opie and Anthony.
	I like werewolf movies.
	I am the werewolf.
	We were just talking about werewolves.
	Werewolf iswolf is fun.
	He's cute.
	Werewolf is gothic.
	I turned myself into werewolf by two demons.
	I'm off two minds about that kind of shit.
	Like, I understand there's a risk of exploitation, but at least they're out of the house.
	That day that they did that was funner than not doing it.
	You know what I mean?
	But on the other hand, I always think, like, with Howard Stern, with Wendy the Slow Adult, would I want my sister to be on Howard Stern if she was handicapped?
	Good point.
	And the answer is, fuck no.
	Right.
	No, no, Wendy, you're not going on that show.
	But I might let her go on that show.
	Anyway, dear Gavin and Sir Faggot of York.
	I have a theory that unfortunately challenges your views surrounding having children.
	It is a widely popular belief that having children shows that one is unselfish.
	However, does the first inkling of desire for children not come from a purely selfish place?
	God, you're a retard.
	For example, when someone wants a dog, it's not because they're craving responsibility.
	It's because they simply want to have one in their possession.
	There's no responsibility with the dog.
	You feed it and hope it doesn't shit in your house.
	Maybe if it gets sick, you take it to the vet.
	Maybe not.
	All you have to do is not hurt it publicly and you're fine.
	You could kick your dog's head in at home.
	A child, on the other hand, needs fulfillment, education, love, safety, guidance, encouragement.
	The list goes on and on and on.
	And you don't ever think about yourself when you have kids.
	Like, oh, my daughter has to be picked up at four in the morning.
	You just get up and you drive there.
	You wouldn't go like, no way.
	Fuck, it's so late.
	Can't she do it another time?
	You don't think.
	The same goes for children.
	Pets are bred, or I should say inbred, into loving you unconditionally.
	They're just zombies.
	Kids are not like that.
	Kids have nuance.
	But you know when your dog asks you like, oh, you know, I got this problem.
	Like, I have a crush on so-and-so, but I don't want to scare them off, but I want to be honest with them.
	It's almost not worth talking to this guy because it's all going to, the penny will drop when he has kids.
	But people want the job for themselves, either to fulfill themselves or to bring happiness to themselves.
	You can't be concerned about the well-being of someone that doesn't yet exist.
	Of course you can.
	That's why I'm political.
	Because I want my kids to live in an America that's not fucking totally subsumed with politically correct culture where people get canceled because of something their dad said.
	Because my kid's dad is bad news.
	Therefore, wanting children is a purely selfish desire.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	But for the sake of brevity, we should call it as such.
	Now I await your thoughts.
	I'm sure you strongly disagree, good sir.
	It doesn't say that.
	You're a liar.
	Yeah, that's just, I mean, I'm not talking to a fucking kid.
	I thought he was going for like, when you ejaculate in a woman, it's selfish.
	But then...
	Well, if you don't intend to marry her, it sure is.
	Right.
	If you don't follow true, then this sounds like a mistake.
	I hate to go to this clip, and I was just wondering why you have two completely different takes on this issue.
	I know this topic is touchy and annoying, but I'm genuinely curious.
	Is this going to be a Jew thing?
	I'm going to guess so.
	Okay, there's only one clip.
	Here we go.
	No offense, Nazis.
	I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't like you.
	I like Jews.
	If you are going to dwell, can you just talk about what the Nazis say and refute their points?
	Their points are, the Treaty of Versailles was done by Jews.
	It wasn't.
	Holodomor was made by Jews.
	It wasn't.
	That was Stalin, the ex-Christian atheist.
	Holodomor was Ukrainians.
	I think it was 10 million Ukrainians that were killed.
	That was by Jews.
	That was by Marxist, Stalinist, left-wing, commie, socialist Jews.
	Yeah, well, Holodomor was done by atheists, ex-Jews.
	There is some nuance within Judaism.
	There's a million Orthodox Jews in New York and New Jersey who love us, love Trump and everything.
	There's secular Jews or ginos Who hate us and often hate America.
	So I guess the hypocrisy there is I was talking about two different types of Jews.
	I was saying atheists, ex-Jew socialists committed, or disproportionately were involved in Holodomor and not bona fide real Jews, practicing Jews.
	See what I'm saying?
	It still breaks my heart I couldn't find that.
	I asked this guy, Rick, to come on the show.
	He says, yeah, maybe.
	He goes, this is the cop I just read a letter from.
	These fucking suspicions are driving me nuts.
	I should not have come into work today.
	My take on the church is simple.
	I've been told that if the theater is sold to the church, then several bars and restaurants will be uploaded because of zoning restrictions.
	If this is the case, then no, I don't want the tower theater sold.
	There aren't a lot of places to go hang out in Fresno, and I don't think getting rid of one of them in the main areas is a good idea.
	But I've also been told that zoning won't impact the businesses, so who the hell knows?
	At the end of the day, I think the legal process should play out, and we respect whatever side wins.
	Huh, what a reasonable person.
	That is ultra reasonable.
	That's the evil Nazis that get fired and are told they can no longer protect us.
	That's a look inside the mind of hate.
	That's the crazy thing, too.
	Like, in the name of protecting people, they get cops fired.
	Who is going to protect you when you're raped?
	Donald Trump?
	In the sense that...
	Not for the mailbag, but just thanks for another good show.
	Just watch Jim Goad's new show Hardballs, and it's really good.
	Another great show for Gavin.
	I was pissed off when I heard Beef Squad had ended.
	Blah, blah, blah.
	Really enjoyed the first episode.
	Jim's a very interesting guy.
	Cool.
	Dear Gavin, Fagbag, with all these officer-involved shootings.
	Oh, no.
	With all these officer-involved shootings and talk of racism lately, I figured you'd be interested in this essay I wrote after the death of George Floyd stupid.
	No, thank you.
	And it's just an essay he wrote in Google Docs.
	What if we edit it and we just change things to like changing my mind here?
	We should just change things to like different words.
	Oh my God.
	Gavin, Ryan commented about the new Bronco looking terrible in person.
	He doesn't know that there are two different Broncos.
	There's the Sport, which looks like a typical SUV and is released now, and the retro badass Bronco that's yet to be released.
	Ryan, Rita Car Magazine.
	Okay, okay.
	Well, show us.
	Let's see.
	Bronco Retro2021.
	That sneeze was so intense that I brought up some of my lunch.
	I have like a piece of cheese spinach on my tongue now.
	Oh my God.
	It's a work of art, dude.
	Did you see the rainbow one?
	So this is the one that fucking rules.
	That sucks.
	Dude, I like it.
	It looks like a Halo vehicle from a video games.
	No, look at 2021 Ford Bronco vintage renderings.
	It's got nice square edges.
	Motor1.com.
	Holy Shittolla.
	I might get that.
	Yeah, you heard, right?
	I wonder how many seats there.
	No, that's not what I asked you to look up, my dear.
	Vintage Rendering MotorOne.com.
	2021 Ford Bronco Vintage Renderings Motor One.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Look at that.
	That's pretty cool.
	What a beauty.
	Let's see the other paint jobs.
	I prefer just black.
	Thank you.
	That's pretty great.
	That's badass.
	I like that.
	I wonder how many seats it has.
	I need three rows.
	Hmm.
	All right, that's fun.
	Wait, that's just a rendering, though.
	So you don't like this at all?
	I hate it.
	I was all excited about the Range Rover Defender, but it's just because the commercial looks cool.
	Then I saw one in real life, and it's that same buggy kids' toy shit.
	Hey, Gav, I was watching Obama's 2004 address, yo, the DNC, and I got to say Obama in 2004 would not look like Obama in 2021.
	Maybe you'd like to give it a watch and do some commentary.
	You can skip that hand job he gives John Kerry.
	Anyway, big fan.
	Like you're more than a friend.
	Okay, then we'll look that up.
	What's up, Gavin and Prime Minister of the Fag Zone?
	I found some important life hacks that you need to know.
	Please watch at least one whole video.
	They're pretty short.
	Instagram reels from the same guy.
	I bet I will fucking hate this.
	No, I could be red, or I could be yellow, I could be blue, or I could be purple, I could be green or pink or black or white.
	What?
	What?
	So that's guy's making fun of life?
	Good.
	I fucking hate them all.
	Is that real?
	That first one that he's parodying?
	Parodying?
	I hope the hell not.
	What is this now?
	Just wiped out the face.
	What are you doing?
	Look all the garbage you just made.
	What?
	What was that?
	Besides unnecessary, I don't know.
	Oh, that's a fresh banana.
	You can hear it.
	I'm not making the joke you want me to make there.
	Fuck you.
	Sorry, Satan.
	Not today, Satan.
	That's a joke, right?
	That's a joke.
	Yeah, dude, careful.
	You don't want to do a parody of something that's a joke.
	Right.
	Yeah, I think you fell for it.
	Yeah, I think you fucked up on that one.
	Whoops.
	Sleepy Joe raps.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah, we've seen this.
	Our boy Dunny.
	Thanks for something we've already played on the show.
	Yeah, I don't think we actually show this on the show.
	I think we just watched it.
	But it's, you know.
	I shuffled around and sucked fingertips.
	Made a big speech, kissed the boy on the legs.
	What are you looking at?
	I wrote the damn bill.
	I hold the ladies tight and sniff all their hairs.
	First person American to fall up the stairs.
	Ran for president.
	I was a winner who was me.
	Now I sit at my desk as a prazoprendi.
	You know the thing.
	Come on.
	That was great.
	Check out this letter.
	Dear Gavin, your faggot friend David cut this video's chuck full of bullshits of piss poor attempt to compete with Prager.
	You already poked holes in this narrative over 10 years ago.
	Boy is this cocksucker slow.
	Check out the vid.
	Yeah, dude, you're slow.
	Not only did we cover this on the show, I think that episode was named after it.
	Yeah.
	100 episodes.
	That's a good way to bookend the mailbag.
	All right.
	Final video.
	Let's see if Ryan can figure this out.
	No cheating.
	Kick it.
	Ryan is sick because he doesn't have a tap.
	He's getting right away when he found that he was trained.
	You're not allowed to look at any of the writing.
	Alright.
	So I'm going to restart it.
	And move that over.
	Moves that up and over.
	And then he puts the big one down there and the little one up top.
	Physics has been defied.
	I've seen things like this.
	Well, how do you generate an extra square?
	Wait a minute.
	Are you so dumb that this doesn't even bother you?
	You're like, yeah, you just made a magic square.
	Well, I can't.
	I don't think I could figure that out.
	If this was possible, then you could just keep doing it and creating new things.
	Like, this would be magic.
	This is defying physics.
	You're creating a square where there wasn't one.
	Isn't that magic?
	How can you magically get a square just by moving stuff around in the same surface area?
	Imagine what's going on in that little bit.
	I don't know.
	Visually.
	I bet if you could look into Ryan's brain right now, it'd be like Jerry Blank.
	You'd just see monkeys screeching.
	I've seen stuff like this before, but.
	I don't...
	I don't know.
	Hold on a second here.
	Hold on, hold on a second here.
	Not the triangle, the...
	Hypotenuse.
	Moving that.
	That moved.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I mean...
	What am I supposed to do here?
	Well, they're obviously cheating.
	You can't generate an extra square in the same surface area.
	So is it an optical illusion?
	Because I was looking to see maybe the piece that they moved was...
	Was that a different piece?
	Was that a different size?
	They're cheating.
	They're cheating you.
	How are they cheating you?
	I don't feel cheated.
	I just feel dumb.
	Okay, I'm going to explain it to you.
	The triangles are leaning over the longest line, hypotenuse, right?
	Right.
	More in the second scenario, but it's just a cunt hair.
	They were slightly in the blue line before, and now they're just slightly over the blue line.
	But it's just a pube per square, but all of those pubes add up to one square.
	Oh.
	So that's where the cheat is.
	The triangles are safe and snug inside the blue before.
	And then in this scenario, they're just slightly over the blue.
	But it's when you do that to one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, nine, ten, fifteen squares, whatever it is, then you manage to accrue enough to make an extra square.
	You can see that they're off, actually, right?
	They're poking out.
	They're poking out.
	But it's very, very slight.
	But because it's spread out on so many squares, you manage to.
	See, look at that.
	Just a cube over the line.
	All right.
	That's it.
	Could have been a better show.
	I'm just a little under the weather.
	But at least you got to discover the origin of those 100 things.
	And we've got a lot of shit to talk about tomorrow, where we will see you at the usual time and place.
	And check out the Jake Paul kangaroo video about the chick getting fucked in the face.
	It's very interesting.
	I like you more than a friend.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fucking.

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