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April 18, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:46:51

GOML LIVE #94 - EASY SLEAZY

Gavin bitches about his parents and then takes a ton of calls from people who are really there, like the lady who taught that guy who killed his family and the guy who saved fighter pilots from getting shot.

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	- - Live from New York, It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McKinnon!
	- I'm supposed to grip, foster empire bricks, sniffing out my lips.
	Yeah, pacing in the yard.
	You're trying to take the vacuum of space.
	I'm really there.
	Looking at the thralls of the magnifying glass.
	Pencil all the tools, work force like a pull.
	Looking at the time with the magnifying glass.
	That's the Sex Pistols.
	That's Dave Grohl and Mick Jagger doing a song about the pandemic.
	And they're clearly trying to be 70s punks.
	I was just down the street at Anthony's studio and he introduced me to this jam.
	And it's so clearly trying to be 70s punk.
	Of course you have to break down like that.
	What's this band?
	Easy Sleazy.
	No, that's the song, you shithead, piece of garbage, horrible person.
	Well, he did a weird thing where usually the band name goes first, then a dash.
	Kind of the universal format of songs.
	They're changing all the rules.
	Did he use the word gay, but in the traditional sense?
	Who's channel is that?
	Mick Jagger.
	So this is Mick Jagger.
	a day I died and I died and I died and I made down my doll before we get started let's get started notes from the ad guy Do not read this on air.
	Hey guys, I hope you have a great show.
	I'll send you pizzas.
	My marriage is going really bad.
	I am not speaking to my wife anymore at all.
	We sleep in separate beds.
	I'm concerned that we may be divorced soon and I may not be able to do this job anymore.
	I've got something cool from the studio from Tactical Tim soon.
	Blah, blah, blah.
	Don't mention this, but Bubba's got ground beef out at the Wazoo, so I'm happy to send some this week.
	He said he's going to send us a pizza.
	I don't want a pizza.
	Not at all?
	Nope.
	I kind of use a pizza every now and then.
	You know what I don't want?
	Anything.
	That was too much of indecence.
	I don't want anything.
	Like I want, I actually, I kind of wanted the Defender, the new Range Rover, but I had a good look at it and it looks like a children's toy.
	It was meant to be an homage to the original Defender that started this whole thing.
	And, uh, you know, I had a good look at it.
	And of course the photos are deceiving online.
	Like you see that gray thing and you go, that looks awesome.
	But the actual new Defender looks like that.
	It looks like a fucking retarded, embarrassing cough drop.
	Same thing with the Bronco.
	They made it look so badass and I saw one in person and I was like, this is like... That's not what I asked for.
	This is like sub Prius.
	Dude, have you seen the Range Rover Convertible?
	It's for not just babies, but handicapped babies.
	It's not a children's toy, it's a handicapped baby's toy.
	Looks like a Saab.
	No, that's super cool.
	Yeah, look at that one, the black one right next to me.
	That one right there.
	Like this is Range Rover sending you that picture.
	So that's the best thing you've ever seen.
	That's the best it gets.
	I've seen it in person.
	By the way, why isn't anyone in it?
	That's how much it sucks.
	Look at that.
	Like that's, don't give me that.
	That's probably 50 grand, 60 grand.
	Don't give me that.
	I don't want that.
	And the Defender, All tricked out, it's probably a hundred grand.
	I do not want that in my life.
	Try to look at a... Oh, here we go.
	Anyway, our ad guy Vinny seems to be getting divorced.
	Look at that.
	Look at those edges, man.
	It's a bummer, dude.
	Looks like a scion.
	Those ugly scions, remember those?
	It looks like someone is a industrial design prodigy in industrial design school and he made a car.
	This is his final project for school.
	An actual working car.
	Totally designed by him.
	Based loosely on Range Rovers.
	I don't like that.
	I don't want it.
	I hate it.
	I'd rather have a $10,000 vintage Range Rover that at least has some fucking hard edges.
	That's the funny thing about being old.
	You don't want anything.
	A Ferrari?
	I would be so embarrassed if I had a red Ferrari in my driveway.
	When Milo's husband, his black husband, came over to stay and his stupid car was in my driveway, I was embarrassed.
	It's like a fucking Ferrari Tesla with like Iron Man themed reflective coating.
	It's embarrassing.
	Yeah, this one.
	It almost looks cooler than the Defender.
	Milo sent me a text recently and he's like, you've been late 11 out of 12 months.
	Every month you're late for payment.
	I can't go on like this.
	And I go, no, you get paid every 30 days, dude.
	That's our deal.
	Oh, sorry, bye.
	So you've been consistent, never mind.
	You've been completely on time.
	You call late, I call it on time.
	It's every 30 days.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I don't want- look how ugly that fucking car is!
	And Range Rovers were known as, like, they're a piece of shit garbage car, but at least faggots like me can enjoy the aesthetics.
	But not anymore.
	Yeah, I felt- I didn't feel bad for the guy, but...
	I saw Bronco he's like dude.
	I got a new car.
	He brought me out back And he was like check it out, and I was on the Bronco such a beautiful car Yeah, like Scott Campbell the tattoo artist he has an old like 1989 one and it's just a masterpiece yeah, and it drives like a big fat boat Beautiful car Like it's one thing to take a Ford Taurus and make it into a piece of shit.
	It was always a piece of shit.
	But to destroy Broncos and Range Rovers and a Porsche.
	Have you seen the Porsche SUV?
	Yeah.
	It looks like my mother's friend's vagina.
	It's depressing.
	And she's gone through menopause, she hasn't been fucked in about 11 years.
	It looks like a pussy that hasn't been fucked in 11 years.
	That's a bronco, okay, beautiful work of art.
	It's gorgeous.
	Fucking amazing.
	It looks mean as fuck.
	Oh my god, what a masterpiece!
	What a masterpiece.
	Yeah, it looks like shit.
	What is that?
	I don't want that.
	Don't buy me that.
	Hey, fans who like to send presents to the show, don't send me a Porsche SUV, please.
	The Cayenne?
	Yeah, the Cayenne.
	Look at it.
	What a whack-ass name.
	It looks like a Mitsubishi Eclipse and a Subaru got together.
	Well, that's the problem.
	They all look the fucking same.
	Yeah, the Eclipse was one of the most horrendous transformations of a car.
	When I was a kid, every car was different.
	Look at fucking Men in Black.
	Yeah.
	They were parked in front of my house in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
	I almost came.
	With the Lincoln.
	Because there was a Ford Galaxy and a fucking Lincoln and a 57 Chevy and all these cool old timey cars.
	Yeah, those were great.
	Of course our neighbors complained because they're yuppies.
	And white people, rich white people are never happy.
	Look at that masterpiece!
	Hell yeah.
	Holy shit.
	I'm getting a Lincoln Continental.
	Or look up a 1957 Ford Galaxy.
	That's gotta be the most beautiful creature in existence.
	I mean, fuck the year, but... Oh, well.
	Well, that's not what I pictured.
	Maybe go later?
	Just look up Ford Galaxy.
	You gotta say black.
	Oh, there you go.
	All cars should be black.
	No, that's a little 250s.
	Maybe go Ford Galaxy, like, 1970.
	Like, I'm not... I love the big, bulbous, Cuban... Now we're talking.
	Yeah, that's sick.
	That's GTO levels.
	Why are we watching porn on our show?
	I thought we don't watch porn on this show.
	Look at that thing.
	What a masterpiece.
	Or what's that one in the corner there?
	Right here?
	This green one?
	No, no.
	This one?
	No, black.
	All cars should be black.
	Look at that thing!
	1970.
	Look at that thing!
	I feel like my dad right now going, why make music after Annie Lennox?
	After walking on broken glass with Annie Lennox.
	What are you doing, dude?
	We're looking at your stupid screen.
	It's a GTO.
	That's not a Ford Galaxy though.
	Very similar.
	No, that's way better.
	GTO is trying to be a muscle car.
	Ford Galaxy is a family car trying to get you from A to B. Oh really?
	That was like just a standard vehicle.
	Like I want to make out with it.
	I feel like those weirdos who marry a roller coaster.
	Look at that.
	Why make a car again?
	My dad is not here tonight, folks.
	You'll be sorry to hear.
	I'm not sorry to hear.
	They're getting on my fucking nerves.
	I'm driving my parents to the pub today.
	And we take a turn.
	I have to avoid a lot of my areas in the suburbs.
	It's got a lot of traffic lights.
	So I go like left down here, up this lane.
	And I managed to skip a lot of lights just going through the burbs.
	And my mother goes, this looks like a dead end.
	It looks like it.
	You think I'm driving down a dead end?
	You think I don't know my own neighborhood?
	I've lived in it four years.
	For four years.
	And then she goes, so my wife has a little like office nook off of the kitchen and it's got a bunch of pictures.
	Mostly Indian shit.
	She's really into Indian crap.
	Powwows and this tribe and that tribe and stuff.
	But it also has our kids.
	That's my daughter, my oldest boy, and then my youngest boy.
	The youngest boy's a little lower and we're moving soon.
	So there's these bins piled up with some baskets.
	Ho-Chunk Indians are big on baskets.
	That's their thing.
	Apaches, their thing was stabbing you in the eyes.
	Ho-Chunks, their thing is baskets.
	So we have a lot of baskets that her aunt made and her grandmother made and her great-grandmother made.
	We have lots of baskets in the house.
	So that's part of the pile up.
	So it's piled up so high you can't see the portrait of my youngest boy.
	This week.
	And my mother goes, hey, could you not, wouldn't it make sense to move that one that says New York and then put the youngest boy up there?
	And I go, uh, sure.
	Eventually, yeah, sure.
	But that's a little invasive, Mom.
	Let's let my wife have her little area.
	And she goes, all right, it just seems nice I could see all three children.
	Which, by the way, they're not head over heels in love with.
	Boomers are the first grandparents to not be that into their grandchildren.
	They're more like, hey, yeah.
	Like the days of making a dollhouse with believable shingles, and like a little bathtub, and maybe the bathtub works.
	You can run a bath for one of the little people there.
	And then making your grandson a go-kart.
	They don't even do the fucking dishes.
	So I go, yeah, she'll maybe get around to that eventually, but it's, and then my, my dad goes, Oh, don't say anything.
	You'll be criticized.
	I go, no, you're criticizing my wife by, uh, suggesting she move a fucking picture.
	Cause it's behind a box.
	Do I sound like an asshole right now?
	No.
	My youngest boy also made a tower.
	This is big with the kids or at least when they have like a yuppie liberal mom.
	Planks.
	It's a little piece of wood this big and you stack them up and you make little sculptures.
	Just out of planks.
	It's like a northern European thing, like Forest Kindergarten.
	So my boy, my youngest boy, makes a tower that's nine feet high.
	He has to get up on a bench and stuff.
	Thick.
	Guess who goes careening into it?
	Oh no.
	When he gets home from the pub.
	Oh no.
	I'm gonna guess your dad.
	Boys, goodnight, like... get it.
	Look at my parlor.
	You can see it.
	It's, you know, not easy to make when you're a little kid.
	And, of course, when you see a sculpture like this, a bunch fell.
	But eventually you got it together and, uh, you made the giantest tower in the world.
	Oh, man.
	That's an awesome fucking tower.
	And how did you not see that, Dad?
	It's taller than you.
	Like, what did you think it was?
	Just a piece of furniture?
	Fucking guy.
	Anyway, Bubba and Hank's Tactical Walls Johnny Apple CBD are here to stay.
	Bubba and Hank's Tactical Walls and Johnny Apple CBD.
	They're our sponsors.
	They've been here since day one.
	Patriot owned and operated.
	All of our advertisers love America.
	They love Western values.
	Do me a personal favor and support them.
	In other words, if you're ever going to buy any meat product, get it from Bub and Hank's.
	If you're ever going to buy any CBD product, get it from Johnny Apple CBD.
	And if you're ever going to buy any kind of gun mount system, or not just for your guns, for your baseball shit, any kind of way to organize your artillery.
	Is that the correct pronunciation?
	Artillery.
	Whether it's sports or gun related, go to Tactical Walls.
	If you want to give a kick-ass Father's Day gift, go to w... dot, dot, dot.
	He's still doing it.
	This is probably why his wife's divorcing him.
	TacticalWalls.com.
	Tim and the team at Tactical Walls will walk you through every step of the way to make sure you have the perfect setup.
	Enter promo code Gavin and you get 50% off all orders.
	Another kickass, and by the way, this is the level of craftsmanship over at Tactical Walls.
	Look at this.
	And look at the cool shelf.
	Remember the shelf we had?
	That barfed out Budweiser and Maker's Mark?
	That guy just made it on a whim.
	Another kick-ass Father's Day gift is Wagyu beef from Bubba and Hank's.
	Call the number on the website.
	Bubba and Hank's picked up the phone personally.
	The ground beef is on sale and it is the best burger meat ever.
	I will send you and the family some pounds of that.
	I can't tell if this is the ad guy telling me that or... Yeah, is there parentheses?
	Am I giving you that?
	And then he puts in brackets, I'm happy to send two collars beef from Bubster just because.
	And cover shipping like always.
	So that's uh, he's talking about I guess the first two collars?
	I guess let's put that in.
	First two collars.
	Like he didn't make that very clear.
	Get Bubba and Hanks.
	Right?
	Sounded like it.
	It's so weird, he's so descriptive when it comes to the domain name.
	Yeah, great on domain names.
	Not great on maintaining his marriage and explaining free giveaways.
	Right.
	Lastly, we've got to promote the $4.20 prize-backed giveaway from Johnny Apple CBD next week.
	Johnny is giving us a ton of CBD to give away for $4.20, so stay tuned.
	Gummies, tinctures, all that stuff.
	JACBD.com.
	Promo code GAVIN for 35% off orders on $4.20 and 20% off every other day.
	I'm Gavin McInnes.
	He adds in question marks.
	I don't know what that means.
	Thanks, Bub and Hanks.
	Thanks, Tactical Tim.
	Thanks, Johnny Apple.
	We all like you more than a friend.
	Okay.
	Sounds fun.
	They replaced the gummies graphic, which is pretty cool.
	Now it's outside, tipping over, exposing the gummy.
	Good to know.
	Good to know.
	All right, so let's start taking some calls.
	I just did the Anthony Crumia Show.
	That should be live, I mean, on the site.
	It was live on the site.
	Did you watch it live, Ryan?
	I did not.
	Why not?
	I was doing some girlfriend-boyfriend chores.
	We went- 69ing?
	No, no.
	Actually, yes.
	Wouldn't that be funny?
	You thought of 69ing as a chore?
	I gotta 69 the girl.
	I got a 69, the girl.
	Gotta go 69 again.
	Guess who was the 9 of this guy?
	Ugh.
	She's gonna blow me while I eat her out again, as I gotta do every Saturday.
	I knew a woman, she was my babysitter's mother actually, and she goes, she's divorced.
	Very fucking hot, like you'd want to fuck her right now.
	Doesn't look old at all, but she's probably 40.
	And her husband would schedule eating her pussy.
	Saturdays at 11 p.m.
	That's the... Is that why you were a little suspicious of him?
	I told her.
	The second she said that, I go, fag.
	He's a fag.
	He's a fucking fag.
	He's a fag.
	That's a fucking fag.
	You're made of it.
	Cleaning out toilets is something you schedule?
	Right.
	You don't go, yeah, I'd love to eat you out.
	Just a little early is all.
	Yeah, let's do Saturday at like 11 and then I can just drink all day and I'll eat your disgusting pussy.
	I'm pretty grossed out by boners.
	They're not my cup of tea.
	I puke every time I see my own.
	Yeah, if I don't masturbate in front of the mirror because I'll just projectile vomit and I won't be able to see myself anymore.
	Comes in handy when you want to vomit.
	But I feel like I'm not as disgusted by boners as gays are by pussies.
	I am gay.
	Like when I see a boner, like we see boners in porno, right?
	And we're just like, all right, that's another guy's boner.
	I'm going to pretend it's mine.
	But gay, I guess gays don't see boners in porno.
	They just see nothing but dicks.
	Wait, did I say boners?
	I mean, pussies.
	So they never, like, it doesn't show up in a porno for them.
	They just see buttholes and pussies.
	So they're not as familiar with it as we are with boners.
	Wait, that's a weird concept.
	Gay guy could watch straight porn and just blur out what he doesn't want to see.
	Look what we have for the desk, folks.
	Just in case you've been hearing squeaking.
	Homeboy's gonna, like, get it.
	Not sure where to... Oh, we got callers.
	Sorry.
	Alright, let's talk to the callers.
	Somebody says, shooting.
	Shooting!
	Hello?
	Wagwan!
	Can't hear you.
	Can you hear me, man?
	Hello?
	Hello, Wagwan!
	This could be my fault and I'm checking.
	What's up?
	Can you hear me?
	Can you hear me?
	Can't hear anything.
	Here we go, okay.
	Now, can you hear me?
	Wagwan.
	Yeah, now I can hear you, dude.
	Ryan didn't have the microphone on?
	What was going on there?
	Correct.
	Why not?
	Oh, sorry.
	I'm gay.
	So what's up, dude?
	Nothing, just got done weed whacking my lawn.
	Whacking my lawn.
	What kind of weed whacker you got?
	I was just listening to AIU's take on that shooting.
	Uh-huh.
	What's the verdict?
	Yeah, I just thought it was kinda interesting how the blacks can never seem to rile up a good victim for their cause, a good hero.
	Sounds like they don't exist.
	Well they do.
	We talked about Craig.
	Remember Craig James Robinson in Alabama or something?
	A nice wonderful black man who was attacked by racist whites.
	They went looking for n-words.
	And they got one.
	They beat him up.
	They run him over.
	And no one did anything about it media wise because it was in a red state.
	So they thought fuck it.
	I don't care about him.
	Or could it be that the black community has a huge problem with violence and destroying other races and humiliating, racially humiliating Asians and whites and destroying our communities?
	Yep.
	But why not destroy our communities based on that guy?
	Right.
	There he is.
	That's a good point.
	When did that happen?
	Look it up.
	Ryan's got it up on the screen.
	Yeah, his name is James Craig Anderson.
	Sorry, I got the name wrong.
	James Craig Anderson.
	Perfect victim.
	Not a crackhead.
	Unlike George Floyd, he did not force his way into a pregnant woman's home by pushing a gun in her belly.
	Unlike Deontay, he did not strangle a woman and try to rob her for $850.
	This was just a mild-mannered, normal black dude minding his own business.
	And he was murdered by racist whites.
	And there was no riots.
	Why not?
	Okay, we have one.
	Yeah, that's about it.
	And it does, you know, it's like, it seems like they're rioting because of this reason or that reason, but there's two types of people, people that will riot and people that won't.
	Yeah, this is the problem.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	This is the problem with the modern American culture is we're obsessed with assuming savages have a plan.
	And when you see someone looting a Dollar Tree and burning down a McDonald's, Don't try to figure out their manifesto.
	There's nothing going on there of consequence.
	Next caller.
	Chadwick, Judge Dredd.
	Yo, what's up, Rye Guy?
	Hello.
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Hey, long time caller, first time listener.
	I wanted to know, do you guys have any links where we could send you stuff, like P.O.
	Boxes?
	I know maybe you don't want to just throw that out there considering, you know, What some people might try to send you or whatever, but... What do you want to send us that's so great?
	There was some stuff I wanted to send.
	I wanted to send Ryan this Judge Dredd graphic novel.
	And then there's I Make Leather Belts.
	Gavin, you said that there's nothing you'd want.
	What about stuff that you could give to your kids to make them think you're cooler?
	Like what?
	To make them think you're cooler.
	I don't know, like I make punk leather belts and I have, uh, there's one that I made that's way too small, but it might fit like a 15 year old.
	And then I wanted to make one for Ryan and I was going to make you a fancier one, but I need to get into stitching so I can get the more supple leather for the inside of the belt and whatnot.
	Yeah.
	Send me over.
	I got to worry you have a GPS chip you're putting in my daughter's belt too.
	That's pretty intricate, but yeah.
	You can give it to whoever you want.
	It's very small.
	That's the only thing I could think of that it would fit.
	Alright, thanks for calling.
	DM me at nopeyupofficial.
	This episode of Get On My Lawn is brought to you by tacticalwalls.com.
	We are so fucked.
	With Biden in office, you ask yourself, how can I keep my family really safe with this fucking Momo, Yahoo shit dick in office, especially with his ding dong supporters like mega dings.
	Keep your family safe like I do with TacticalWalls.com.
	Tactical Tim and the team at Tactical Walls have the tools to help you protect your home safely and discreetly.
	And then he says, please show the Tactical Walls custom job Tactical Tim did for you during the live stream.
	I guess he means, uh, that?
	Right?
	If you want to keep your home and your family safe, you need to go to TacticalWalls.com, enter promo code GAVIN, receive 15% off all orders, keep your family safe.
	That's 15% off all orders and TacticalWalls.com customizes your personal home defense system with you and your family's protection.
	You love your guns.
	You love looking at them.
	Display them beautifully, tactically, and safely with tacticalwalls.com.
	Dude, look at that.
	Ooh, that's a trip.
	That's fucking sick.
	That rules.
	That's only $149.
	Let them know what you're trying to have made, and they will build your perfect hidden home defense system.
	God forbid some beanbag breaks into your house and you're not ready to protect your family.
	You need a tactical wall set up like I have.
	Tactical Walls is a veteran owned and operated business and a proud supporter of Censored.TV, so show them some love.
	TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off all orders.
	Thanks Tactical Wall and the team at Tactical Walls.
	God bless small business.
	God bless our listeners.
	Thank you guys for sticking with us.
	TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin, 50% off.
	I know I fucked up a couple times there, but TimAtTacticalWalls.com.
	TimAtTacticalWalls.com.
	That's pretty tricky to say with the tactical balls.
	Sounds like a cleft lip like rehab challenge.
	It's almost as hard as Rural Juror.
	Or Saturday Night Live.
	You know, I was a writer at Saturday Night Live.
	I watched Saturday Night Live.
	I also insist people say Toronto.
	Instead of Toronto?
	People in Toronto say Toronto.
	Oh, I see.
	People in Toronto watch Star Night.
	Toronto.
	Don't say Toronto.
	Don't say Star Night.
	Toronto Berk.
	It's Toronto.
	It's Saturday Night Live.
	Alright, let's get the next call.
	Okay, caller number next.
	It's probably bow ties.
	They reveal a little too much.
	Oh.
	Hello, hello, hello.
	It's weird that the bow tie makes like the bottom button look like it's about to explode too.
	Well, the tie would hide it, shithead.
	Right.
	I'm actually pretty ripped.
	It causes that.
	That couldn't be any other reason but the bow tie.
	I'm actually a fairly ripped dude these days.
	I gotta color, I gotta... There you go.
	You'd be surprised.
	Color temperature.
	Yes, you're on, sir.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, I was gonna simp out on Ryan and ask if I could send you some shit, but no, I'm not gonna do that now.
	Oh, man.
	Shit.
	Yeah.
	It's pretty cool, too.
	What were you gonna send me?
	But anyway, I've got, uh... I've got the lyrics.
	We've covered it quite a bit on the show.
	This better be good.
	Gavin's on beat?
	We've covered it quite a bit on the show.
	This better be good.
	No, it says, but Gavin's on beat, and the show is pretty tight.
	So we're going to show with the final video.
	Gavin's on beat?
	That's what the guy's saying.
	Okay, thanks for calling.
	I'm done with that fucking thing.
	The beauty of the letters is I can just delete them when they say shit like that subject I don't want to talk about.
	Do you want to hear it?
	Sure.
	to hear beat no Now No.
	Gavin's on beat?
	Um, bweet.
	It'd have to be bweet if he said beat.
	No.
	Gavin's alright and the show is pretty tight.
	Yeah.
	I once thought it was on point but it's alright.
	Okay, waste of time, let's stop talking about this.
	We did say we were done with it.
	Alright, Chris.
	You're on the line.
	10w40 smells very strong.
	Do they put scent in it?
	I don't know, it smells like oil.
	Uh, Chris, 972, you're on the line.
	Hey guys.
	Hey.
	How's it going, Chris?
	So, um, I taught Farhan and his sister Farben, the one that unfortunately killed his entire family.
	Whoa!
	How do we know you're not lying?
	I mean, because I wrote to you.
	Do you swear, stamped, on a... Do you swear, stamped, no erase, swallow the key?
	I taught him in ninth grade.
	I taught him and his sister.
	I taught my son as well, and my son was in the sister's class.
	And I had Farhan first period, and he was the class clown.
	He was like a sweetheart.
	And he did talk about the office, as weird as that is.
	So, what exactly happened?
	For people not familiar with the case.
	The school that I taught at has a huge...
	Indian population and the kids that he hung out with were all good kids and his sister, you know, had a full ride to NYU and, you know, he just seemed like a happy kid.
	No, no, do a Wikipedia, do a Wikipedia on what happened with this poor boy, like for anyone, for people who don't know who Farhan is.
	He, well, you know, he always was worried about his grades.
	Hey, lady, stop!
	Do like a who, what, when, where, why for people who don't know who Farhan is.
	What happened?
	Yeah.
	If nobody knew anything of him.
	Okay.
	So Farhan and his brother apparently started getting extremely depressed and, um, they unfortunately, um, over Easter weekend decided to kill their entire family.
	Um, grandmother, father, mother, his twin sister, the one that I taught, and the older brother.
	And the reason why they said that he wanted to kill his family is because they loved him so much.
	They loved both the brothers, and that if they didn't kill them, then they would suffer more than if they did it.
	Farhan apparently got kicked out.
	He was going to UT.
	And ironically enough, he told his roommate he was going to kill his family, and he got kicked out of UT, and nobody said anything at the college.
	What's U of T?
	University of Texas at Austin.
	Oh, okay.
	So you guys were in Austin.
	I thought you mentioned something about NYU.
	Were they headed to NYU?
	His twin sister had a full ride to NYU.
	They had come home for the holiday and yeah, they decided, apparently they decided in February that they were going to wait a year to kill their family unless they got better.
	And then, I don't know, they just decided to to kill him that Easter weekend and it's just crazy because I would have never thought this kid they were they were just happy I mean that goes to show you that you know you never you never know but apparently it all started in ninth grade and you know he he was like one of my favorite students which really kills me and my you know and so is his sister but yeah they just
	So when you say he's a funny guy, was he funny like, that was an okay joke?
	Or was he funny like, Jesus, if we were friends and we were at a bar, I would consider that a high quality joke.
	Yes, like, he was highly intellectual, and him and his little group of dudes, they used to always joke around, and I don't know, he like, loved Jacob Sartorius, which is some little YouTube video star, and we always used to pull it up during class.
	And he would always make fun of Jacob Sartorius and him being a number one fan, and the whole class laughed about it.
	And like, he was a well-liked kid.
	It's just so frickin' crazy that That, you know, you just up and commit familicide, or I think that's what it's called.
	It's a word that's not used very often.
	So, he wasn't a fuck-up.
	He wasn't a junkie.
	He wasn't constantly being arrested.
	No, and apparently he tried, he was upset about the fact that his brother, his older brother, the one that he committed that act with, He was able to get a gun so easily, so he was super pissed off about that, and he had like an 11-page manifesto that he put on Google Docs, of all places.
	But, yeah, he was mad about that.
	He also set up a GoFundMe to try to give away the money that he'd accrued over the years, and he was pissed off because that was a place where you asked for money, and he was mad about having to, nobody was, I don't know, there was something weird about GoFundMe that he wanted to donate his money away.
	It's just, I don't know.
	It's just insane.
	Well, I think the sort of conclusion here is inevitable and it might be hard for you to stomach, but it's your fault.
	Yeah, I figured it was as much my fault.
	And I know that you're, you're drenched in guilt and you're probably calling the show going, what should I do?
	I caused this.
	And all I can suggest is that you kill your family and yourself.
	Yeah.
	And mine too.
	And then I'll feel bad, because I was just kidding, but then you literally did it, so then I'll kill my family and myself.
	And then hopefully Ryan will follow suit.
	Yeah, it all comes back to Ryan.
	That's what we ultimately want, right?
	No, but seriously folks, I guess the moral of the story is that there's no rhyme or reason to this kind of mental illness.
	I mean, we talk about guns and we think, oh, the office.
	I mean, there was, uh, they were bitching recently on CNN about how, uh, the Christ, uh, church shooter cited the replacement theory.
	And so did the, um, uh, what was he?
	The, the, the fucking Texas guy.
	Who cited the replacement theory, but those guys also cited one of them cited PewDiePie and then your guy cited the office like it's it's Mental illness.
	It's the person's responsibility.
	There's not there's no real solution to it.
	I mean you're saying your student was adored Right, I'm sorry your student was adored I Yes, totally.
	I mean, he was really well liked and popular.
	So the idea that we could have prevented this is like a normal instinct, but it's not rational.
	No.
	Anyway, so shout out to Rocket Chat.
	Woo!
	Okay.
	Thanks for calling.
	Thank you guys.
	And if it happens with another student, well, we're going to start seeing a pattern there.
	Maybe you should try changing your... Maybe her teaching techniques are all just about how easy suicide is.
	Yeah, my class is called... So guys, welcome back to my class.
	We're going to focus on inhaling so much helium you die today, and also how to hook up your car's exhaust to your bedroom.
	Katie's dad.
	248, you're on the line.
	248, you're on the line.
	Hi.
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Hi.
	Hi, Katie.
	Is it Dad?
	On a lighter note, Well, I don't mind if it's true, though.
	I mean, if it's one thing to say people commit suicide all the time, that's depressing.
	But I was there.
	I was a teacher.
	That's fucking interesting.
	Women can't even get along on the phone.
	They're not even on the same line.
	They're having a catfight.
	She's probably calling lunch.
	Yeah, you bitch.
	Where are you calling from, caller?
	I was gonna lighten the mood a little.
	Where are you calling from, caller?
	Where are you calling from, caller?
	Michigan.
	So you're like 2,000 miles from that previous caller and you hate her fucking guts.
	I don't hate her at all.
	No, I feel terrible for her.
	That's what you said.
	You said she's depressing.
	That's the most awful story I've ever heard.
	You said she's depressing and her students kill themselves because they have no choice.
	You did say that.
	That's what you said.
	We're not deaf.
	I wanted to talk about dads, and you think your dad has the worst temper, and you have no idea.
	My dad could beat your dad by like a trillion.
	Good luck.
	Good luck.
	I'm giving you sanitized versions.
	Let me hear what you got.
	Do your worst.
	I have, well I have, I have a couple stories, but I mean, they're not like, like actual, I've never actually, actually seen fists thrown, but I mean, what he's put me through as a child, it's, it was pretty, um, it was kind of scary, and um, What's the word?
	Traumatizing.
	Okay, let me tell you what happened today.
	So today he wants to, there's this drunk named Bill at my local pub and I call him unreliable.
	And unreliable said, I'll fuck it.
	He's got a Bronx accent.
	I'll drive you fucking guys to the border.
	Don't worry about it.
	Just give me like 800 bucks.
	And they go, all right, we're going to go with Bill.
	And I go, okay.
	And they go, can you drive us to the, I go, when do you want to go?
	And he goes, what do you mean?
	Do you mean to the pub where Bill is or to the border?
	And I go, I mean to the border because I'm going to text Bill.
	I told you already that it doesn't make sense to go to the pub on the off chance he's there.
	I mean, there's 24 hours in a day.
	What are the odds he's going to be there when you go?
	And he goes, that's exactly, you already said that today.
	And I go, yeah.
	So it's a given that the pub is out.
	And when I'm asking, when do you want to go?
	I mean the border.
	And he goes, no, it's not a Kevin!
	And I go, you can't have it both ways.
	You can't yell at me for asking if you want to go to the pub when I didn't mean that.
	And then also say it's redundant.
	Of course it doesn't mean the pub.
	That's just like three hours ago.
	So what do you got within the past three hours, lady?
	All right, all right, fine, fine, fine.
	You win.
	I can't top that, okay?
	But I can, okay.
	Did you see the sculpture he destroyed last night?
	Yeah, yeah, you can't top that.
	But no, he molested us.
	But yeah, you do win, though.
	Okay.
	Because that sounds like a bummer.
	Okay.
	So my dad, he has a temper, but he also is the most loving person in the whole entire world.
	So, uh, he goes to this, uh, the same, uh, drugstore.
	Not drugstore, but party store to get his lottery tickets.
	Every, like he did this every day for, I don't even know how many years.
	So I'm sitting in the car waiting for him to get out.
	And there's a guy standing outside the door next to the garbage can outside the door, unwrapping a candy bar.
	And he just throws the wrapper on the ground.
	And I'm, and my dad gets in the car and he sees this.
	He gets out of the car, he says, don't move.
	He gets out of the car, and I'm like 10 or 11, and he grabs the guy's collar, pulls him down to the ground, picks up the wrapper, throws it in the garbage can, pushes the guy's face to the garbage can, and is screaming at him, telling him, throw your fucking wrapper in the fucking garbage can.
	That's an awesome dude.
	That's a wonderful man.
	The guy could have had a gun or a knife.
	And I'm this little girl sitting in the car watching this happen.
	Your dad was hungover and or drunk.
	But wait a minute.
	Am I nuts or have you told this story on the show before?
	I'm having deja vu.
	I haven't told you this story on the show before.
	Promise?
	What?
	Do you promise you never told that story before?
	I swear to God!
	Not to you!
	I mean, I've told other people!
	I can picture it so vividly in my head that I thought you'd already told it, but I can picture the garbage, the wrapper, everything.
	I swear to God.
	I mean, I've told this story to people, yes, but not you.
	Your dad's like my dad.
	He's one of the best people alive, a very moral human being.
	Of course.
	He does everything right, and he's fucking annoying.
	Very passionate, but very scary.
	Very, very, very scary.
	The last story I'm going to tell you is this last one.
	So I lived in Southfield, and I was moving to Nova.
	And I was really nervous about it, and blah, blah, blah.
	And so, my dad already lived in Novi.
	My mom still lives in Soho.
	So, I'm in Novi with my dad, and he's driving down the street, and all of a sudden, he lands on the brakes, pulls a U-turn, and goes over to the side of the road, and gets out of the car, and just starts running.
	And I have no clue what's going on.
	No clue what's happening.
	No idea whatsoever.
	Finally, like, I don't know, I mean, it felt like a year, but I think it was like five minutes later, he comes puffing the puffing back to the car.
	Some kids were on the other side of this hill on the street throwing, like, apples.
	And I didn't even see it, but he did.
	And so, when he saw an apple flying out on the road, he did that and he left his small child in the car on the side of the road while he chased these kids over the hill to their homes.
	So, when I start my first day at school in 6th grade, the fucking kid that did it was in my class.
	No.
	Um, you need to send us a picture of this guy.
	He's our new mascot.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He's probably the greatest person that's ever lived on the planet.
	And, but he will like, he snaps, then you're dead.
	Like you're, like you're just done.
	Like he's just... Please send us a picture of him.
	Oh my God.
	You can change his name.
	We can call him like Artie Lemieux.
	I will send you a picture.
	And he actually, and this is the last thing I'm going to say about him, but he actually died three or four years ago?
	Three or four?
	On the golf course.
	Thanks, God.
	Thank you, God.
	No, he's alive.
	No, he's alive.
	No, no, but he did.
	He dropped his dad.
	That was quick.
	I thought you said he died.
	Like, flatlined.
	Oh, he did.
	And he's back.
	He did.
	He died.
	Yeah.
	He did.
	No, he was dead.
	Okay, simmer down.
	He's alive.
	He's alive.
	You can relax.
	Get him to call into the show.
	He's alive.
	The only reason he's alive is because he was on the golf course when it happened because there was a fucking doctor in the hole behind him.
	A what in the hole behind him?
	A doctor.
	Oh, a doctor.
	A doctor.
	Well, they say that.
	They say that the toughest weeds die last.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	That was a great story.
	What's your name again, Chris?
	Katie.
	Kate.
	Kate.
	We want to see pictures of your dad.
	I can picture him, though, pretty good.
	Slovak, kind of a wide face.
	Comb over.
	No, he does not have a comb over.
	He actually has all of his hair, and he is a very handsome man, but I will send you a picture.
	Okay, thanks.
	Like you more than a friend.
	Thanks for calling.
	Can I get another one of these puppies?
	Yeah.
	You know what I want to do?
	There should be a booze called Fireball Faggot.
	So then you go to the bar, and you're like, can I have a shot of Fireball Faggot?
	And the bartender goes, fuck you.
	And you go, it's called Fireball Faggot.
	You need to calm down.
	My favorite thing with my parents is to bring them in a bar and I walk into my various locals, I have about four, and I go, this is my mommy and daddy.
	So if anyone here has a problem with me, they're going to have to take it up with them.
	And then I say, that's the guy that was bullying me, Dad.
	Sometimes I don't get it, though.
	It's very Pee Wee Herman nemesis.
	Yeah, like Francis.
	And I'll go up to the bartender and go, hey, do you know who my father is?
	He's right there.
	He's one of the top lawyers in New York.
	So I'd like a Budweiser now, please.
	Yesterday.
	We got Steve, and he's on the line.
	And by the way, I got the two winners and I will be contacting you after the show.
	I'll also be caretacting you soon after.
	Steve.
	Hey guys, would you want some Marlboro cigarette after the show and get the Budweiser beer?
	Yes!
	Cool, me too!
	Canadian making fun of Americans there, pal?
	No, I was going for the Norwegian guys.
	Oh, right, right, right.
	Well, you should have said that joke with maybe another 400 meters.
	Yeah, that's definitely what I needed.
	So, G-Dog, so you are moving, right?
	Yes.
	Do you already have a place picked out and everything?
	Possibly.
	I like to be very elusive about these kind of things.
	I understand, but I was the one who wrote you a letter a couple months ago about Reno and Carson City in Nevada.
	Sorry, cannot move into an oven.
	I appreciate it.
	I love the people there.
	I cannot live in a toaster oven.
	No?
	No, I cannot.
	Speaking of things I don't want, like I saw Penn and Teller's house, Pennet, what's his name?
	Penn Jillette?
	I saw his house, and it's worth like, I don't know, 200 million dollars, and I was like, no thank you!
	Don't want it.
	I mean, I know you're a big ski guy, it's like, you got skiing year round, there's Lake Tahoe, there's Donner Lake, where I live, there's all these ATV trails and dirt bike trails and stuff, like, That sounds cool.
	I don't know, it's pretty nice out here.
	Alright, what's up for our subscribers with my various moving ideas, but thank you for calling.
	Yeah, Pendulet's house is kind of funky, and it's got like, you know, a guitar shaped pool and stuff, and I just, I look at that and I think 110 degrees.
	Look at that.
	Look at the dead flowers.
	I do not want that.
	Good news, Gavin.
	We did a how to go fund me.
	We raised $120 million.
	No, it's probably not that.
	It's probably like a $7 million house.
	We raised $7 million and we got you Penn Jillette's house.
	I am done.
	With a Porsche SUV in the driveway.
	I don't want that.
	Look at it.
	Look at his house.
	Show his house.
	This room looks comfy, but outside looks like a goof.
	That's like a nice house in fucking Mount Vernon.
	This is a goof town.
	Do you want that?
	I don't want that.
	It's got like 32 bedrooms.
	I don't want 32 bedrooms.
	Even if I had them full, where do we eat?
	This is what I don't get about big, huge mansions.
	That's a great picture, by the way.
	Whoa.
	This one?
	Well, sure, that'll do too.
	Jesus.
	That's goofy.
	That's like a little city.
	It looks like hell on earth.
	And say you have 32 bedrooms, right?
	And you fill them all.
	How the fuck do you people talk?
	You're just living in a hotel.
	Like, book a hotel then.
	And all, like, say, hey, we're gonna meet in Atlantic City August 3rd to August 6th.
	And we'll go gamble together, whatever.
	I get that.
	That makes sense.
	But at your own home?
	Now your home is Atlantic City?
	What are you doing?
	What is that fucking cacophony of a home?
	Go back to that aerial view.
	It's in a desert.
	It's a big stupid fucking home.
	Look at that shit.
	And so what you have dinner like this, I don't even get this when it goes back to like Downton Abbey and it's aristocrats.
	So you all sat at the dinner table with 37 people there?
	How do you have dinner with 37 people?
	That's just dumb.
	I don't like having dinner with more than like two couples.
	Me and my wife, Anthony and Missy.
	Got it.
	Maybe we can get crazy and add like one more couple.
	Maybe six people.
	That's kind of crazy.
	But I don't know why we're doing six.
	32?
	Well now you're just at a restaurant.
	You just had a restaurant in your house.
	I honestly do not fucking understand.
	The only thing I can come up with is status.
	So it's like having a, you know, a $300,000 car with like a gold interior with the drive shafts made of pure gold.
	It's fucking retarded.
	But other people go, Ooh, that's a fancy drive shaft.
	That's all I can think of.
	Because you can't enjoy a home with 32 bedrooms.
	You cannot.
	That's a fact.
	What a dumb status symbol that is.
	You're hideous, stupid ass.
	Penn Jillette, you are so fucking tacky.
	You could have an aneurysm on a toilet!
	You never know.
	I love how he's a big atheist, except when it comes to Islam.
	Oh, really?
	And then he gets a little more guarded.
	He's open about it.
	He goes, because I have a family, I don't want to put them in danger.
	All right, well go fuck yourself then, faggot.
	We must kill Pendulet.
	He is half of the magic comedy duo.
	I mean, I like Pendulet and I like his magic.
	I think that's cool.
	And I like their show where they try to figure out magic tricks.
	I like that too.
	But I'm sorry, man.
	Vegas has got to go.
	Blow it up.
	Blow it up good.
	Not that the previous caller was talking about Vegas, but you get what I'm saying.
	Logan Relationships.
	Hello?
	You have to turn the show down or something.
	Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?
	Hello?
	Homeboy's gonna like... Homeboy's gonna like get hung up on.
	Hello?
	Well, we tried.
	There's another thing about my dad.
	So, um, the bartender, you know, the Jack with the, how'd you do in a Tullamore do.
	And of course, so he's got this pinky like this, which my grandmother had.
	And my penis had this too.
	I had Peyronie's disease.
	And so I had Zyaflex injected into my dick.
	I took, I did a whole episode on this and it killed the calcium deposit, whatever it was.
	And it straightened out my dick again.
	Um, I think my grandmother got the same thing with her bent pinky.
	So Jack goes, and my dad's like, I believe that's now done with medication.
	I saw a quarterback, a Denver quarterback, forget his name, John Edwards or something, who's advertising it, and it's medication.
	And I go, medication?
	Like a pill or an injection?
	I think you're talking about Zyaflex.
	And he goes, and then he gets all pissed off, like an old chimp.
	And he goes, medication!
	And I go, first of all, calm down, old man.
	Secondly, I think medication can include an injection.
	What I think you're talking about is you don't need to go under the knife.
	It's a needle.
	Needle and a pill, they're both sort of considered medication.
	He's like, it's a fucking pill!
	And I go, you're positive it's a pill?
	Because I think I've had it.
	I didn't tell him I had Peyronie's.
	Oh.
	But, and he goes, well, an injection.
	All I know is that it's not an incision.
	It's not an operation.
	That's what I'm saying, asshole!
	So we're on the same page!
	So maybe stop gritting your teeth when you're talking to me.
	Okay!
	Okay.
	You gotta put the smile on and be like, I'm not being rude to my own father.
	I am just saying.
	Well, I'll be rude.
	I've tried rude.
	I've tried not rude.
	The smile was like 32B.
	I've done everything.
	Sometimes I say, fuck you.
	Sometimes I say, calm down.
	Sometimes I say, I think you might be wrong.
	Sometimes I say, that's not how it goes.
	Is he trying to age you to his own point so you guys are just both the same age?
	God damn it, man.
	I will eat your ass!
	That is funny.
	I want, oh man.
	And he drinks so much that it fills his stomach.
	So his stomach only knows how to digest this.
	Budweiser.
	So my mom will make him like, this morning she made him bacon and egg and cheese on a piece of toast.
	Now imagine you went to Ethiopia and you went up to some kid Who had flies on his face and a distended belly.
	And you're like, here, here's some whole wheat toast with some egg and cheese and a fuckin' pile of bacon.
	He'd die!
	He'd have one bite and go, oh, can we not start with rice, please?
	For some reason I have an Indian accent here in Africa.
	I usually eat the poopoo!
	All over the place.
	Can we just eat the poopoo?
	To eat the poopoo!
	Um, so he has that sandwich and then I see him and he's sitting by like the couch in the living room just going... Like having a bad acid trip.
	Like he did too much coke or something.
	In the sense that... It's because his body can't digest food.
	Because it digests this.
	That is fucking wild.
	That's just like, I'm telling you these stories, these kooky stories about how annoying my parents are come from me being with them for about an hour and a half today.
	I'm not going back!
	These stories are not from fucking Tuesday.
	These are fresh.
	You're hearing Wednesday jams only.
	You might have skipped a bunch.
	I skipped a lot.
	So this is only Wednesday complaints with the McInnes's.
	Oh, so lucky.
	That is a lucky bird.
	That doesn't sound too lucky.
	We got Matt Andrews in the line and we've both done this podcast.
	Great, great guy.
	He's in the music group.
	What's up Matt?
	What's up?
	Okay.
	So my, my question is for Gav.
	So, uh, um, Have you ever cried when listening to music, or do you think that's gay?
	Because Ryan thinks I'm gay if I'm not crying when listening to music.
	Yes, I do.
	Yeah, in our latest music group meet, we were just listing songs that give us an emotional reaction, i.e.
	cry.
	And he's like, uh, I don't, I don't cry to music.
	I never cry to music.
	And I was like, well, he's like, I have depressing songs when girls make me feel stuff.
	And I was like, okay, we need to flip.
	I cry all the time to music.
	All that around.
	Yeah.
	And we're bullying him because he needs to cry.
	Thanks for calling by the way.
	We're going to hang up on you now.
	Any song about a dead dad is a cry fest.
	For example, Billy Bragg's Tank Park Salute.
	Kiss me goodnight and say my prayers.
	Leave the light on the top of the stairs.
	Daddy is it true that we all have to die?
	Tear Jerk Alert?
	I almost want my dad to die so I can be like- So you could feel that?
	The guy with the dead dad.
	Hey, my dad just died.
	I might kill him.
	Just to- I might just stab him, so then the next day, I'll clean it up.
	Because you don't want to be the guy who murdered his dad.
	But the guy whose dad just died, that's kind of a heavy dude.
	Like, hey.
	My dad just died.
	We're all black.
	I'm listening to Billy Bragg right now, actually.
	Looking at black and white pics.
	There he is.
	Looks like Michael Douglas after falling down.
	Billy Bragg with Down Syndrome.
	Turn it off.
	At the top of the stairs is darkness.
	At the top of the stairs is darkness.
	I want my dad to die so bad so I can be the guy with the dead dad.
	Like my buddy Steve when we went to Europe, he goes, don't you wish we could go back to the Biff Tech after four months of being in Europe and be the guys who have been in Europe for four months?
	Actually, I'll be in Europe for four months, thanks.
	Don't you wish we could just have been the guy who fucked Eva Mendes?
	Without having done it?
	I think I'll eat her out and fucking suck her tits and kiss her ass and slap her and fucking- I'll keep it a secret.
	Rip the shit out of her from behind and then cum all over her legs.
	Thanks.
	To not tell a soul, I'll take it to my grave.
	Yeah.
	So that's a tearjerker.
	Or another tearjerker is Mike Skinner, The Streets.
	We never went to church.
	And then he talks about his dad and how we have the same mannerisms.
	Yeah, another dad song for me.
	The one that I posted in the group was U2.
	Sorry.
	But he wrote a song for his dad.
	His dad was an opera singer, Bono.
	And he hits like an opera note and in Milan he like cries trying to... Oh my god, Ryan, that must be so hard on you imagining a life without your dad around.
	Well, I... I see what you did there.
	What are you crying about?
	Well, I... It's because I can imagine.
	Like, I've never lost... Literally, Ryan, shut up.
	You don't have a job.
	I, you know... I've never lost a leg, but I can imagine that stinks.
	What is this, fucking Cowardly Lion?
	What is that laugh?
	This is a tearjerker, dude.
	Nice teeth, British person.
	The forks and spoons I put my head on the table are so distraught with you You tidied your things into the bin the more poorly you grew So there's nothing of yours to hold or to talk to You put your hand up and interrupt the conversation with a bot People say I interrupt people with the same look Nice teeth, British person I can write an equally sad song about my dad being alive
	I've hung up, we should have been friends me and Michael We hung out a few times, we both loved each other, but... Saroosh and Bryce got in the way and...
	Sad.
	Sad turn of events.
	Yeah dude, like you could be on, you'd be like the best guest on Rogan right now.
	You'd be, uh, fucking Red Eye wouldn't be cancelled.
	And this fucks up my life.
	Cause, I feel like I'd be in the green room, and you just got off Rogan, and like Tim Dillon's there, like cause he's about to go film.
	And he's like, I like that Ryan kid, he's really funny, like cause I kinda made him laugh, but he really wants to fuck me, so that's probably why he thinks I'm funny.
	Well David Kast and our old friend, our old Ryan got a job with uh, Laura, uh, Ingram.
	Hmm Ingram hair?
	Lower Ingram hair.
	That wasn't funny.
	Here's a song We'll take some more calls in a sec, but there's here's a weird part that that made me cry once It's victims family and the song is D.O.G.
	and And there was a thing, this would be hard to convey to our viewers, but there was a thing in the 80s with hardcore where guys who were really talented didn't like just playing stupid songs.
	So they would start like incorporating sort of prog rock into their songs.
	Like Rhythm Pigs was another band like this.
	Midwestern dudes usually.
	And so they'd write these songs that were still hardcore, but they were so musically advanced.
	And it was weird for us to hear because we were hearing, we're used to like minor threat garbage, right?
	You know, the rhythm pigs.
	But listen to this song.
	You should call them a hardcore, right?
	Maybe skip ahead a bit because the breakdown is nuts.
	There it is.
	So go back.
	My old roommate Aiden Gerdt cried to that part.
	And I thought, that's really intense, man.
	I'm gonna take on that story and just make it my life.
	Oh, no you didn't.
	Yeah.
	You can do shit like that as long as you're honest and you tell people you're lying.
	Afterwards, yeah.
	It's like after 9-11, I was, I rode over the Williamsburg Bridge.
	On the bridge, where the cars can only go.
	You're not allowed to go on a bicycle.
	But there was nothing, everything was shut.
	And I saw a chip bag blowing.
	And I overheard my wife on the phone going, and then I rode over the Williamsburg Bridge and I just, I saw this chip bag just sort of rocking back and forth in the wind.
	And I'm sitting there going, no, you fucking whore.
	Whoa.
	You just stole my story.
	There's no chance she like thought it was her story.
	Like, pictured it so well.
	No, Ryan, it was the day after.
	Oh.
	It was within 36 hours.
	Oh, fuck.
	Yikes.
	Alright, let's take a couple calls, then fucking... By the way, about crying, like, that's not a typical song you cry to.
	We got guys in the group so hardcore, they cried like metal songs.
	Well, you could cry to a slow metal song.
	No, like, fucking, like, terrifying, hardcore, there's nothing emotional or ballady about it.
	No, I don't think you're allowed to do that.
	Really?
	You can only cry to a song if it's groundbreaking and slow and melodic.
	That's what I, that's what I think.
	I like the epic climbing.
	And, or, involves a dead dad.
	I don't know what the lyrics are, but it's definitely not crime music.
	Oh my god, I can't wait till my dad dies and I can come on this show and be like, sorry I'm lit.
	My dad passed today.
	Like to this.
	Yeah, that's tame.
	You're not allowed to cry to that.
	I'll tell him.
	He's not going to be happy.
	It's a fact.
	He's the guy who makes our music for Censored.
	I don't make the rules.
	This is just a fact.
	Brian.
	Matt has a would you rather.
	Okay.
	Hey Gavin, Riceguy.
	Hello.
	What's up?
	Would you rather have sex with Ryan once a year or live in China for the rest of your life?
	Your straightness can die in Japan or you can die in China.
	That's a tough one, man.
	I would do the former, by the way.
	Yeah but now you're... see here's something you have to add to this would you rather is your facility your personal liberty I guess it's invaded in both but like someone... sex is very intimate right and someone's making you do something like forget Ryan just say like Judy Bonaduce like someone's making you have an intimate act against your will so you're their slave but then
	It's the- I guess the exact same is true living in a fucking disgusting shithole like China, which I lived in.
	China is asshole!
	And that's 365 days a year.
	I guess I would fuck Ryan up his sweet little butt.
	Great, I like your new sunglasses.
	He's already ashamed of you.
	I like your new sunglasses.
	I'm ashamed of me too.
	I mean, I'm trying to speed the show along.
	It does feel long.
	But like, if you're in China against your will, you're a slave 24 hours a day.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	I was trying to sell Sebastian Maniscalco to Anthony Cumia today.
	I've done that.
	I've tried selling it to people.
	It wasn't going well.
	You know what's crazy is he's undeniably mathematically hilarious and my girlfriend did the same thing.
	I was like, check him out.
	Anthony, sorry to interrupt, but Anthony was talking about his grandmother making lasagna and I go, was she throwing them up the stairs?
	Yeah, yeah.
	And he's like, no, she would bring them to the... No, she wouldn't throw them up.
	They would get dirty.
	When there was ice in the drink that smelled like the freezer, would you throw it out?
	And he's like, no, I would just pour it in the sink.
	Right.
	Just completely.
	Yeah.
	It's on our site.
	You can look all this up.
	But did you, did you tell him that that was Sebastian or you were just trying to, cause he's worked with a mime to get that movement down.
	I think that's bullshit.
	No, he did.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Why do you say, yeah, he did?
	I know somebody who was like, yeah, that guy changed the mime.
	A couple of other standups.
	Oh, you know, someone who said it.
	So yeah, this guy.
	No, it's a great marketing thing.
	I worked with a mime.
	It's awesome.
	He didn't work with a fucking mime.
	Now you're farting into the mic.
	Okay.
	Why are farts so loud?
	She's, anyway, my girlfriend was saying, she's like, this isn't funny.
	But like, I'm like, you're smiling.
	And she's like, it's not funny.
	And then it kept happening.
	Like he kept doing his thing.
	He's like, so then he's over there throwing the thing.
	What are you doing?
	And she's bawling laughing now.
	His content has substance too.
	It's not like he's fucking Carrot Top or the Watermelon Dude.
	Like he goes, who writes refuse?
	Like I go to a restaurant, I go the salmon sucks, let's get out of here.
	Are you really sitting there?
	And then writes down that they didn't like the salmon.
	You got time for that?
	Yeah.
	Who are these people?
	And she's like, this isn't funny, but laughing about it.
	And then she gave in, she was like, okay, he's fucking great.
	Well, that's what I was saying.
	But she was like, what's his shirt all about?
	What I was saying to Sebastian, I mean, Sebastian, Anthony today on the show is Italians now define themselves by how close they are to the front row at Sebastian Menescalco concerts.
	Oh shit, that's hilarious.
	Sicilians, like in Italy, Sicilians are considered the lowest and Milan is the top.
	Yes.
	The closer you are to Africa the worse you are coincidentally and in Maniscalco concerts it's like I have front row and fucking Tommy Bags at my gym is like yo I fucking uh I didn't have front row but my friend like my dad and his cousin were front row we were over here we couldn't get seats together but me and my cousin my brother were over here I'm like I don't give a fuck.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Where you were sitting when you saw Sebastian Maniscalco, but he's used to talking to other Italians, I guess.
	That is such a thing, yeah.
	Oh, okay.
	Dude, we were right there.
	Your brother was in the front row.
	Oh, okay.
	You couldn't sit in with him?
	Because my cousin sat with his brother in the very front row.
	And it was funny because the parking was pretty good, too.
	Okay.
	Sounds like you rule.
	Calm down.
	Calm down.
	Fireside chat artist.
	Or 509?
	Uh, hello?
	I wanna... I wanna draw you with my heels on.
	Yeah?
	Great, let's do it.
	Uh, my question is your opinion on... It's like we're living in a shitty video game and we're the NPCs to The leftists who are playing.
	Great analogy, sir.
	And when we do something that they don't agree with, they're like, uh, developers, can we cancel this NPC or can we change the code so they don't exist?
	And when you say we, it's not just you and me.
	It's cops.
	It's Matt Gaetz.
	It's Ron DeSantis.
	It's everyone rational.
	Like Rashida Tlaib said, get rid of the police.
	They're shooting people.
	Everyone remotely non-radical has to go.
	Yeah.
	Fucking A. Oh, the other thing I wanted to see what your opinion was, the whole insurrection bullshit.
	I think the real insurrection was when Donald Trump came down the escalator because he basically was running as the common man.
	And the common man, Trump, got into the Capitol when he was elected, and that was the real fucking insurrection.
	Yeah, good point.
	Good point.
	Wow, you're good.
	And maybe, I don't know.
	Yeah, thanks for calling.
	Good points from this guy.
	Yeah.
	Well, when you see the way they attack Matt Gaetz, he's fucking kids!
	Or Ron DeSantis.
	He made money off the pandemic!
	Pay to play!
	60 Minutes is on it!
	The way they're attacking them so vociferously, and I forgot what that word means, please look it up.
	With a V, right?
	Vociferous?
	Yeah.
	Shows you that they're trying to make it crystal clear that no outsiders are ever getting near the fucking White House again.
	And Ron DeSantis is considered an outsider.
	Vociferous?
	Yeah, that's what I meant.
	They're making it crystal clear that no one's getting near, like, they, I don't think, they would definitely not accept fucking Bernie Sanders.
	Who would they accept?
	Not Mitt Romney.
	Shit Romney.
	Jeb Bush, I remember back before Trump in 2015, they were like, you know what, I'll give you Jeb.
	Only you're seeing that?
	This could be a way to screen.
	I don't need to screen.
	I'll just cut them off if they're boring.
	Okay.
	All right.
	We're going to go to Justin.
	Okay.
	Hello.
	Hey guys.
	Hey guys.
	How are you, man?
	Good, man.
	Hey, just wanted to ask your opinion about the last couple of weeks of Howard Stern and his obsession with the trans movement.
	I don't know if you heard today, uh, today's show, how they were basically, like, waiting, like, just on standby for, like, some announcement on Good Morning America about some Bachelor contestant.
	Just curious what your thoughts were about today's show and the last, like, couple weeks.
	Thank you for calling, sir.
	If you'll notice, with sexual predators recently, there's been a strange proclivity for Jews to be involved.
	Larry David brought this up on SNL in his opening monologue.
	He went, eh, couldn't help it, a lot of them are Jews.
	So Harvey Weinstein is disgusting.
	All these other predators are Jeffrey Epstein and all that stuff.
	And I can't help but let that creep into my mind when I hear Howard Stern talking about These young girl shows he loves.
	He pretends it's for Beth, his trophy wife, but remember he had that girl on who was on some show that was called like The Kiss and she's like 17 and he's pretending it's a normal part of his normal show.
	He's so big that he's getting George Clooney and Jennifer Aniston and like the Brad Pitt, top people in the world, and then Julia Lemieux from The Kiss and you're like that they're not in the same league dude.
	Why'd you get that 17 year old?
	Oh because you have a boner because you want to fuck her and he's and he talks about the porn He likes a lot and it's always stepsister shit, which I find very disturbing occasionally I will look at red tube and I'm always Disturbed by how much of it is like, stepdad walks in, like, do you want to fuck your stepdad?
	So, the latest thing he's really into is Jazz Jennings.
	No.
	Now I have to concede, I'm obsessed with Gigi Gorgeous.
	Uh, that's a dude with a dick who's married to a woman with a cunt.
	And they both think that the other person is a different gender.
	And Gigi Gorgeous goes to her OBGYN and asks what's wrong with her pussy, which has a penis in it.
	On it.
	And around it.
	Is it?
	Whatever you want to call it.
	But is there adults?
	And I have, I promise you, I have no intention of fucking either of them.
	But like we've mentioned Jazz Jennings on the show, but to be obsessed with Jazz Jennings reeks of perversion to me.
	And I don't want to say Jewish perversion, that's shallow, but Howard Stern's obsession with young girls, particularly young trans girls, is deeply disturbing to me.
	He's a fucking predator.
	Let's cut the shit.
	Look up Howard Stern and Jazz.
	Jazz Jennings is a child.
	This is a Canadian dude.
	He's like 30.
	That's Ryan meets me.
	He's coming out for the last time.
	This was posted a day before my birthday.
	Wait, what's this?
	So it's kind of a gift.
	She's coming up for the last time.
	Can't you hear the Canadian in him?
	Oh yeah, a little bit.
	This is like renewing your vows, but gayness?
	You're not gay, dude.
	Can't you hear the Canadian in him?
	Oh, yeah, a little bit.
	Today is the day.
	I felt inspired today to sit down and just talk with you guys, open up, be super new.
	It's like renewing your vows, but gayness?
	You're not gay, dude.
	Your wife's a chick.
	I do it.
	You fuck her in her pussy.
	You're Vince Neil.
	I will be coming out.
	You're Vince Neil with tits.
	What?
	What an exhausting, boring piece of shit.
	But God bless her.
	See, I think I've justified in being obsessed with this hot mess.
	But yeah, Howard Stern and Jazz Jennings.
	Look at Jazz Jennings.
	We gotta start screencapping his shit.
	You know what the story is with Jazz Jennings, by the way?
	He and his brothers are like weird little fucking Armenian refugees that were adopted by this Jewish family.
	Boy, a lot of Jew shit today.
	And they turned one of them into a chick.
	I wonder what the eat the poopoo dad would think of this.
	Just like Charlize Theron, she adopted some African kids, and they're like, we are starving to death.
	We don't want the children to eat the poopoo.
	We will give the children to a Hollywood actor.
	It will go great.
	They will go to private school and wear cardigans and have their own, they don't know about iPhones.
	They think that an Android is the best you can get.
	And then they take him and he eats the fag fag.
	She turned her boys into fags.
	Damn.
	Not exotic enough.
	I wonder if the like Congolese guy with weird scars, you know, like self-inflicted burns.
	He's like, I wonder where my warrior son is in America.
	Maybe I can meet with him later and we can start a revolution and liberate the black army of America.
	And then he tunes in, he's like, you go girl.
	Absolutely.
	Let me finish this fucking slut cone.
	And take down my mermaid blonde wig and I'm in Sparta or whatever.
	I like the idea that the dad is in denial.
	It's like kids eat ice cream cones all the time in all sorts of ways.
	I'm planting a seed in America.
	My children are there.
	My boys are there.
	They have invaded with a Hollywood star.
	They will get the money from the rich Charlize Theron.
	And then we will have a revolution.
	Sir, we have some weird news.
	These are some pictures of the progress of... Yes, this is the plan.
	Oh.
	He's pretending to be a fag.
	Okay.
	Which is the best way to accrue wealth and power in Hollywood.
	And then when I call on him...
	The Shark King will emerge.
	It seems like your son has earned the Emmy that Charlize Theron has on her mantle.
	Yes, he is learning acting from his adopted mother, whose throat I will slit when I come to collect him.
	And we will liberate Detroit, East New York, Baltimore, and South Side of Chicago.
	Just saying it's very convincing.
	He is very, very, very convincing.
	Believe me, sometimes I get a bit sweaty when I look at how good he is at faking being a fag.
	It's really nailing it.
	Really, really nailing it.
	Especially that pink sweatshirt with the heart on it.
	Wow, he's good.
	But you must have faith in the Wakanda!
	Have faith in my boy.
	Oh man.
	When I call on him.
	That one's a good one.
	He puts down his strawberry knapsack.
	He removes his princess gown.
	And I shave off his cornrows.
	He will be a real man.
	And we will fight.
	Who is going to pass down the lineage though?
	We are getting concerned.
	He is on the inside.
	He's finding a woman.
	Right.
	In my tribe, we find a woman when we are eight years old.
	Let's say... We fuck her and fuck her.
	And then she gets her first menstruation after 32 fucks.
	Usually by our fifth year of marriage, she starts being able to become pregnant.
	And the first period is the first baby.
	The first one is the... The first cut is the deepest.
	Yes.
	Hyman is gone at nine.
	He knows all this.
	You don't need to... Wait, Sean Penn?
	He's with fucking Sean Penn?
	Okay, maybe we have stretched the umbilical cord a little too far.
	It is... I'm getting a little stressed out to be frank.
	It's getting bad.
	This is getting kind of, I am feeling anxiety for the revolution.
	We got Jeremy.
	His dad finally tracks him down.
	He's like, Dad, you should try poo-poo.
	It's really good.
	It's pretty fucking good.
	It's like chocolate.
	But, uh... But poo-poo.
	You're on the line.
	I'm a huge poo-poo fan.
	Jeremy.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Angelina Jolie has a class war happening in her adopted kids.
	What's up, dude?
	Hey man, what's going on?
	Good.
	If you're going to the turd world to adopt kids, at least adopt attractive ones.
	Yeah.
	What's going on with that Somali forehead?
	She looks like a brown light bulb.
	She's pissed.
	Go ahead, sir.
	I don't think he thinks he's on the show.
	Sir, you are on the line.
	We just kept cutting you off.
	I'm sorry, we talked about adat.
	He hung up the phone.
	My bad, sir.
	252 is the first three numbers of your number.
	You're on.
	You're on, dude.
	Let's do this.
	Let's do it.
	I am on the line.
	You eat the poo poo.
	Just do anything.
	Go ahead.
	Action face.
	Shut up, fucking dogs.
	Action face.
	Hey, your guys' West African accent's on point.
	I used to live in Ghana for a couple years and you guys got it dialed.
	Wow, thanks.
	Never been.
	Yeah, you got it deep.
	And you also look like a Nation of Islam guy in your bow tie.
	I don't know if that's what you're going for, but it's great.
	Yes, I am going for that.
	Because the West Africa will merge with the Nation of Islam and we will all eat the white man.
	It's true, it's true.
	Get Brett out.
	Hey man, I'm calling to clarify.
	A few weeks ago you guys were talking about the N-word in the woodpile.
	And it's a term that's used, the actual real tongue-in-cheek term is, looks like there's a little coal in the woodpile.
	And that's referring to, like, let's say there's a white guy Who has like, maybe like some, you know, bigger lips or like extra curly hair or a little melanated.
	Your tongue in cheek way of saying like, Oh, back in the, it looks like, you know, a black guy fucked one of your relatives back in the day.
	I know a lot of guys like that.
	Yeah.
	I know a guy like that who was a Nazi skinhead.
	Yeah.
	So you would say like, Oh, it looks like there's a little coal in the wood pile.
	Okay.
	That's what I'd say.
	But what's the real origin?
	Is it like slaves hiding in wood?
	What's that?
	What's the real origin of N in the woodpile?
	Is it slaves hiding in wood piles, like, to avoid being detected?
	Not that I care.
	No, no, it's just another way of saying, like, hey, man, look like there's like a, like, you know, a nigger in the woodpile.
	Looks like something got to your ancestors back in the day.
	Ah.
	What were you doing in Africa?
	Why'd you live in Africa?
	I was in Ghana.
	I was a chef and bar, I guess, manager.
	We got contracted to open up a big giant entertainment facility there in Accra in Ghana.
	And so I lived there for a couple years developing that and got to know the culture.
	Is there money there?
	It's where I found out.
	Where does the money come from?
	Who's the money?
	Well, I actually worked for the most affluent man in Ghana.
	And it was a place called Citizen Kofi.
	We worked for a guy named Kofi Amoah.
	But all the money from, they found oil back in 07 there.
	So who was liquidating the money?
	It must have been Americans, right?
	He was an Americanized Ghanaian guy.
	Huh.
	Wasn't Kofi that bad guy?
	Remember Find Kofi?
	Remember that war criminal, whatever?
	And then the dude who was running the charity ended up like being a meth head and ran around naked?
	No, but I remember Kofi Anon, he was the Head of the UN for a while.
	They name their, you get named after the days of the week.
	So if you're, if you were born on Friday, your name's Kofi.
	That's fucking retarded.
	It is fucking retarded.
	I'll tell you, that's where I learned how deep racism goes.
	Like, you know, you're there, everybody's African, but everybody is so tribal that they all hate the fuck out of each other.
	And, like, I would have problems with one employee.
	I'd be like, hey, how come I can't motivate this employee?
	And they'd be like, oh, he is got, he is lazy, he's a thief.
	And I'd ask else about another guy, they'd be like, oh, he's a shanty, he's lazy, he's a thief.
	And they all hated each other, man.
	You had to like just negotiate all the racism there Hate is natural.
	It's ridiculous.
	Hate has a home here.
	Alright, man.
	Thanks for calling.
	I wonder how they treated him, though.
	Hate has a home here.
	Are they mean to him?
	They like him.
	They do?
	Because he is a hard-working white man.
	This literally looks- He has the gargle.
	This Ghana hotel looks like Penn Jillette's third wing of his house.
	I don't want that.
	Don't give me that.
	I don't want anything.
	Keep it away from me.
	Do not get me a present.
	That is gay.
	I honestly cannot think.
	I have money.
	If I wanted a present, I'd go buy something.
	I have not bought anything in a long, long time.
	I bought this suit three years ago.
	Same with this tie.
	I bought this Jolt can years ago.
	Emily got me this Sid Vicious.
	A Japanese dude I'm friends with sent me this after we stayed in Japan.
	The dude, Jay Howell, whatever from Bob's Burgers sent me this.
	I bought this Juggalo doll 20 years ago.
	My wife gave me this, please be a fart, 20 years ago.
	My kids won this at the Simpsons thing in Nickelodeon Center.
	My wife got me this for Father's Day.
	Tactical Walls got me that.
	This was sent to us as proud of your boy.
	It's one of the two bells that we got.
	These things I got at Anthropologie 20 years ago.
	Here's a Polaroid of my wife and I on vacation in St.
	Martin.
	Probably 10 years ago.
	When I bought my motorcycle, the guy gave me a duplicate of it.
	Um, with that.
	This I think I bought.
	This is from V the 80s show.
	I think I bought that myself.
	I think David Cross bought me this Tesco V. That's a Reservoir Dogs guy.
	Anthropology again.
	No idea where this comes from.
	It's Batman as Alfred E. Newman.
	More garbage.
	I made this toy with Vice.
	Pee Wee Herman doll.
	My mother-in-law bought it for my son.
	Like, you understand what I'm saying?
	I'm gonna cum.
	I don't want shit.
	You're so young, you still go, oh my god, a package.
	Yeah.
	I see a package, I want to just throw it in the garbage.
	See what I'm saying?
	All I like is Budweiser and I do like shoes, but even those stupid turduckens I bought, non-converse shoes start to change shape.
	Like what shoes do the Beastie Boys love?
	Those Gazelles?
	Those Adidas Gazelles?
	They do look cool on the first week, and then they start turning into ballerina slippers.
	They start morphing.
	And these fucking turduckens I have now, Yeah, those things are fucking awesome the first week and then they turn into ballerina slippers.
	But my stupid Nike, whatever they are, vintage Air Jordans, they're all like lumpy and shapeless now.
	Chucks maintain their shape till they die and beyond.
	So if you're an adult male and you're looking for shoes outside of red wings and wingtips, Then, um, BAH BOOM!
	Just get some white chucks.
	White chucks and white fucks.
	That's the secret to America's future.
	757, you're on the line.
	Says, thank you for my service.
	Oi!
	- Oi.
	- Oi.
	- Sexual haggis meant and simply a silly buddy.
	- Yeah, right? - I've emailed you a few times You've read my emails about my college completely falling to PC culture even though it's a confederate base originally but then turned into modern day military school.
	Oh yeah.
	Yeah?
	As you recall.
	Are you the college where the guy had to step down?
	Right.
	Correct.
	Yeah, because the blacks there were saying, they make us do push-ups all the time, they're mean, they must be racist.
	Yeah, it's gotten bad.
	I mean, it's across all the branches now.
	I mean, I just saw an article the other day, it was like talking about a National Guard, a black National Guardsman had to carry a heavy chain around his neck and he was saying that it was like cruel and unusual punishment, racism and stuff, but that's like typical.
	Can I just interrupt you here?
	Can I just interrupt you?
	I resent this caricature that we, and when I say we, I guess I don't just mean white people, I mean like normal Americans, are like, well lookie here, we got a negro at our fuckin' school.
	Let's get a big ass cha- and I'm sorry to do a southern accent, but it's part of the parody.
	Let's get a big-ass chain on this... No, I mean, I was going to a southern school, it was, you know... Let's get a big-ass chain on this motherfucker!
	And have him walk... That's it, boy!
	Run around, boy!
	Like, that's insulting to me!
	That these people think that these people exist.
	It's sort of like when I see a Black Lives Matter face mask at like, you know, not a radical left rally, but like at my local bar.
	And I'm like, oh, so you're saying that I don't think Black Lives Matter?
	Fuck you.
	You just insulted me.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I tried to go to this bourbon bar the other day that my wife found because it was like bourbon and burgers.
	And I was like, oh, that sounds sweet.
	And they had like signs outside that was like, We here believe that black lives matter.
	Feminism is for everyone.
	Science is science.
	What was the other sign they had out there?
	Love is real.
	Kindness is everything.
	Love is love.
	No humans are illegal.
	Imagine you went to a bar and it said out front, you better not want to fuck kids because we don't fuck kids in here.
	And you're like, fuck you.
	Is it called repeal?
	Is the bar called Repeal?
	The Speakeasy Burger Bourbon?
	No, it's called The Oak.
	And it was in like Durham, North Carolina.
	And I also wanted to say, hey Gavin, if you end up settling somewhere in the North Carolina, Tennessee area, if you wanted to check out some cool Air Force stuff, I can get you on base on the low low, even though now we're having to go through all this extremism training and basically like if you have any type of strong patriotism towards the United States, well the United States is bad.
	We had to go through like this whole day where we stood down where it was like talking about how any kind of political or, you know, patriotism is now considered extremist.
	They actually mentioned Proud Boys several times.
	No way!
	Well they're doing a great job of weeding out extremists and that's what we saw in Fort Worth where the Muslim radical was unquestioned because no one wanted to offend him or get in trouble and then what did he, what did he kill?
	14 people?
	Yeah, I mean, he went on an absolute rampage and, like, he was already flagged for, like, getting, like, showing, like, signs of, like, extremism, and specifically, like, Muslim extremism, and they were just like, well, you know, like, he might have some trauma from, like, combat, but no, like, he was just like, oh, no, like, I totally think that we're fighting, like, a false war and I just need to just kill these people because, you know, whatever narrative is being pushed out, but, um, Yeah, it's getting crazy, man.
	Like, everybody's walking on eggshells.
	Like, I'm in a fighter pilot community, and they're mostly, like, frat boys.
	But, like, every time, like, we kind of have, like, a big week, like, I'm starting to see, like, majors and colonels, like, with their pronouns and their signature blocks and stuff, trying to, like, purchase things.
	So you're a fighter pilot?
	No, so I work with fighter pilots, and I'm, like, an intelligence guy.
	And it's, it's like, we're kind of like, um, they kind of, like, accept us as one of their own, even though, like, we, we don't actually fly, but we, you know, we try to, like, give them the stuff they need to know so they don't get shot out of the sky.
	But even though, like, the fighter pilot heritage is, like, very, like, fratty, everybody's not PCs, it's like a first name basis, everybody's got a call sign, so you either call them by their first name, you call them by, like, some nickname that they have, but it's starting to get to the point now where, like, they're, like, basically having to, like,
	These guys, I mean, you think of like Tom, uh, yeah, Tom Cruise and like, uh, fucking Top Gun, like, how it's just like, you know, these cool guys are wearing like the Pit Viper glasses and everything, but nowadays it's just basically like, um, excuse me, like, I just want to make sure that I'm getting your pronouns correctly.
	My dad just knows.
	Like, dude, you're supposed to fucking kill people.
	Like, why are you worried about this?
	The way I survive Roller coasters or any kind of ride with my kids if I feel like I'm in over my head is I pretend I'm a jet fighter pilot.
	And I go... But that's just trying to hold on to the fucking roller coaster.
	That's not like checking your coordinates and like going from an F3X42 to a 9XR2B.
	You know your stuff.
	Yeah, we, uh, we give them a lot of shit because, like, they always try to, like, put work on us, like, as, like, the Intel guys, but, like, they- the amount of workload and training they have to go through is absolutely insane.
	Like, a lot of my college buddies, I've actually got a couple who are stationed at my base that are, uh, pilots now.
	Like, the amount of stuff they have to memorize, like, I- I don't understand.
	Like, I- I have to do a decent amount for my job, but these guys are, like, on a whole different level.
	I mean, they're- The fucking pussy these guys must get.
	I- I feel sorry for their dicks.
	Their dicks must look like Freddy's face.
	Oh no, it's insane.
	It's insane.
	I mean, I'm happily married now.
	I actually called back right before the pandemic hit.
	I was called in hammered and I was talking about the poor man's Viagra and stuff.
	Those guys must be so drenched in pussy.
	How do they even stay married?
	They must have a woman waiting to blow them even before the plane has stopped.
	No, it's insane.
	And then, like, I mean, the Air Force has been, like, putting in, like, extra incentives and stuff to keep them in, but, like, they're, like, pretty much, like, if the Air Force, for whatever reason, doesn't, like, give them, like, crazy buku dollars, like, the commercial, uh, you know, companies are, like, we'll give you, like, $200,000 to fly, like, fucking Spirit Airlines, so they're, like, Well, I don't have to deal with all this, like, other bullshit, like, you know, like the military puts me through.
	And then, like, I can just literally just fly a glorified bus and make, like, three times the money.
	But, yeah, pilots are cool as shit.
	Where do they, where do they fuck girls?
	Where do they meet these girls?
	Like, is there local bars off base?
	Is that where they, like, an officer and a gentleman?
	Literally anywhere.
	I mean, it's people in the Air Force and people outside the Air Force.
	I mean, they just walk around and they literally start off like, hey, I'm a pilot.
	Pretty much just like they're drowning in it.
	It's ridiculous, but they're all great guys.
	They put up with a lot of stuff and they work their asses off and they get paid a lot of money for it, but I don't think there's been anyone else I've met through my very short stint in the military that are just really nice, down-to-earth dudes.
	They're starting to just, the higher ups, you know, like don't say fuck cops, fuck the cops bosses.
	It's the same way with the military.
	It's like some of the bosses are starting to get into like the PC stuff.
	Now before we hang up on you, I know this is a taboo question, but what percentage of the gentlemen you're speaking of who pilot these fighter jets are white males?
	I would say the grand majority of them.
	I mean, the ones that I've come across.
	Let's get a percentage.
	And now if you like break down whites to like Italians and like, you know, good old Southern boys.
	No, no, that's all white.
	That's all white.
	Jews are white.
	We have like a good amount of black guys too though.
	What percentage are black?
	Imagine he's like, we got a lot.
	There's like three of them.
	I would say it's roughly around like, Two percent.
	Maybe like one.
	It depends on what aircraft they're flying and what brands they're in, but the Air Force is definitely a lot of white sellers.
	Okay.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	What percentage Asian?
	We actually have a decent amount of Asian dudes.
	Actually, where I was going to school, the one I had talked about before, We have a lot of Asian dudes, but we would actually commission people from other countries.
	We would actually commission people from Taiwan.
	What percentage Asian?
	You said 1% black, what percent Asian?
	What do you mean?
	How do the fighter jet guys know?
	Maybe 1%.
	Okay, and then women?
	I have met...
	Probably four out of like 250 just at my base alone.
	Okay, so we're below one.
	Okay.
	Interesting, man.
	Thanks for calling.
	Colorful, colorful call.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Hey, if you're in North Carolina, I can reach out to you.
	I'll check you out, dude.
	Why are you blowing me up, Ryan?
	That wasn't the attention.
	I saw King Kong and a bunch of other cool effects here.
	Well, wouldn't that be funny if you got fired for that?
	You just blew me up.
	You're fired.
	I accidentally blew up my boss.
	What do you mean?
	You killed him?
	No, I do a video show and I did a green screen thing and I... I aimed guns at him.
	I don't know if he was drunk, but he got really, really mad.
	I did shoot him multiple times with different guns.
	When I was at Sonny's Gas Station in Bridlewood, Ontario, outside of Kanata, I did two shifts at the gas station because the other guy didn't show up.
	And instead of writing eight hours in the timesheet, I wrote sixteen fucking hours!
	Oh no.
	And I got fired for putting fucking in the timesheet.
	Yeah, that ain't good.
	I like how you take their side.
	Yeah, you fucked up bad.
	Yeah, you did.
	That's not cool.
	Don't do that.
	They're trying to record timesheets and they don't need the F word in there.
	So, yeah, no.
	There's no time and place for that.
	Last call.
	There's something about the fighter.
	Last call for alcohol.
	All right.
	You don't have to go home, but you can't go here.
	By the way, yeah, chains have been around for since the 1600s and black people have been around since people were invented.
	And the only thing we can glean from the black person plus chains equals slavery.
	It's quite sad.
	Yeah.
	DDP 445 as contributor, Mike.
	Hey, what's up?
	I've got a great contributor for you guys as Censored TV grows and becomes big conglomerate as it is.
	This guy, EDP 445, he's a YouTube legend.
	Check him out.
	Okay.
	You have a lot in common with him.
	Thanks for calling.
	Let's check out EDP 445.
	Should we have him on the show?
	I mean, sorry, as a contributor.
	He looks like the guy from that Tina Fey show.
	The gay guy.
	from that Tina Fey show, the gay guy.
	- In about 30, 35 minutes, but-- - You know, with the redhead who's-- - I can get the fuck out of here, man. - She, Tina Fey.
	- Look it up.
	- Man, I fucking hate living in motherfucking apartments, I mean, nosy motherfuckers, you know?
	If I'm not being fucked with and being interrupted, trying to knock out motherfucking cameos, trying to bullshit, you know what I mean?
	Just trying to fucking lay down.
	Get some fucking sleep.
	There's nosy ass motherfuckers looking at me and shit out their fucking blinds and shit, you know what I mean?
	Window all wide the fuck open and shit, you know?
	And motherfuckers think they fucking slick, you know what I mean?
	Well, window not wide open, but, you know, because that would give the purpose away of trying to be sneaky, right?
	But, motherfuckers think that you don't fucking see them and shit.
	Peeking out the Venetian blinds and shit, you know what I mean?
	I love going to the fucking shooting range, my nigga.
	I love getting the fuck out the house, working up on my craft, you know what I mean?
	Bullshit and shooting the shit.
	And every so often, you get these nosy-ass motherfuckers, man, they act like they never seen a fucking rifle case before, you know what I mean?
	It's like, what the fuck are you looking at?
	You know what I mean?
	It's like... Yeah, dude, I know exactly what you mean.
	Drives me nuts.
	But I live in the suburbs.
	In fact, I get ogled more in the suburbs probably because I'm well known in the suburbs.
	In my neighborhood, but...
	So how many, uh, subscribers does he have?
	Well this, uh, let's see, oh, 2.23 million.
	Geez.
	Well if he's not cancelled, why would he come over to us?
	Eat that pussy!
	Maybe he is in danger of being cancelled.
	Well maybe when he is cancelled he can come over and eat our pussy.
	Mmm, what?
	That's it.
	Folks, thanks for tuning in.
	That's two big shows today.
	Fun shows.
	We went over the time limit in both shows.
	And in both cases, I want to tell you to get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

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