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April 15, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:51:52

GOML LIVE #94 - EASY SLEAZY

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	Live from New York, it's get off my watch with loving.
	That's the sex pistols.
	That's Dave Grohl and Mick Jagger doing a song about the pandemic.
	And they're clearly trying to be 70s punks.
	I was just down the street at Anthony's studio, and he introduced me to this jam.
	And it's so clearly trying to be 70s punk.
	Of course, you have to ever break down like that.
	Band easy sleazy.
	No, that's the song, you shithead piece of garbage, horrible person.
	Well, they did a weird thing where they usually the band name goes first, then a dash.
	Kind of the universal format of songs.
	So they're changing all the rules.
	Did he use the word gay, but in the traditional sense?
	Whose channel is that?
	Mick McChiger.
	So this is Mick Chager.
	Hey, say, I dada, dada, dame, dame, daddy, dame, dame, dao.
	Before we get started, let's get started.
	Notes from the ad guy.
	Do not read this on air.
	Hey guys, I hope you have a great show.
	I'll send you pizzas.
	My marriage is going really bad.
	I am not speaking to my wife anymore at all.
	We sleep in separate beds.
	I'm concerned that we may be divorced soon, and I may not be able to do this job anymore.
	I've got something cool from the studio from Tactical Tim soon.
	Blah, blah, blah.
	Don't mention this, but Bubba's got ground beef out the wazoo, so I'm happy to send some this week.
	He said he's going to send us a pizza.
	I don't want a pizza.
	Not at all.
	No.
	I kind of use a pizza every now and then.
	You know what?
	I don't want anything.
	That was too much of indecents.
	I don't want anything.
	Like, I want, actually, I kind of wanted the Defender, the new Range Rover, but I had a good look at it, and it looks like a children's toy.
	It was meant to be an homage to the original Defender that started this whole thing.
	And, you know, I had a good look at it.
	And, of course, the photos are deceiving online.
	Like, you see that gray thing, and you go, that looks awesome.
	But the actual new Defender looks like that.
	It looks like a fucking retarded, embarrassing cough drop.
	Same thing with the Bronco.
	They made it look so badass.
	And I saw one in person.
	I was like, this is like...
	That's not what I asked.
	This is like subprius.
	Dude, have you seen the Range Rover convertible?
	It's for not just babies, but handicapped babies.
	It's not a children's toy.
	It's a handicapped baby's toy.
	Looks like a sob.
	No, that's super cool.
	Yeah, look at that one, the black one right next to me.
	That one right there.
	Like, this is Range Rover sending you that picture.
	So that's the best thing you've ever seen.
	That's the best it gets.
	I've seen it in person.
	By the way, why isn't anyone in it?
	That's how much it sucks.
	Look at that.
	Like, that's, don't give me that.
	That's probably 50 grand, 60 grand.
	Don't give me that.
	I don't want that.
	And the defender, all tricked out, it's probably 100 grand.
	I do not want that in my life.
	Trying to look at a...
	Oh, here we go.
	Anyway, our ad guy Vinny seems to be getting divorced.
	Look at that.
	Look at those edges, man.
	It's a bummer, dude.
	Looks like a scion.
	Those ugly scions motor.
	It looks like someone is an industrial design prodigy in industrial design school, and he made a car.
	This is his final project for school.
	An actual working car.
	Totally designed by him.
	Based loosely on Range Rovers.
	I don't like that.
	I don't want it.
	I hate it.
	I'd rather have a $10,000 vintage Range Rover that at least has some fucking hard edges.
	That's the funny thing about being old.
	You don't want anything.
	A Ferrari?
	I would be so embarrassed if I had a red Ferrari in my driveway.
	When Milo's husband, his black husband, came over to stay and his stupid car was in my driveway, I was embarrassed.
	It's like a fucking Ferrari Tesla with like Iron Man-themed reflective coating.
	It's embarrassing.
	Yeah, This one.
	It almost looks cooler than the Defender.
	Milo sent me a text recently.
	He's like, You've been late 11 out of 12 months.
	Every month you're late for payment.
	I can't go on like this.
	We go, No, you get paid every 30 days, dude.
	That's our deal.
	Oh, sorry.
	Bye.
	So you've been consistent.
	You've been completely on time.
	You call late.
	I called on time.
	It's every 30 days.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I don't want...
	Look how ugly that fucking car is.
	And Range Rovers were known as like, they're a piece of shit, garbage car, but at least faggots like me can enjoy the aesthetics.
	But not anymore.
	Yeah, man.
	I didn't feel bad for the guy, but I saw a Bronco.
	He's like, dude, I got a new car.
	And he brought me up back.
	And he was like, check it out.
	And the Bronco is such a beautiful car.
	Like Scott Campbell, the tattoo artist, he has an old 1989 one, and it's just a masterpiece.
	And it drives like a big fat boat.
	Beautiful car.
	Like, it's one thing to take a Ford Taurus and make it into a piece of shit.
	It was always a piece of shit.
	But to destroy Broncos and Range Rovers and a Porsche, have you seen the Porsche SUV?
	It looks like my mother's friend's vagina.
	It's depressing.
	And she's gone through menopause.
	She hasn't been fucked in about 11 years.
	It looks like a pussy that hasn't been fucked in 11 years.
	That's a Bronco.
	Okay, beautiful work of art.
	Gorgeous.
	Fucking amazing.
	It looks mean as fuck.
	Oh, my God.
	What a masterpiece.
	What a masterpiece.
	What is that?
	I don't want that.
	Don't buy me that.
	Hey, fans who like to send presents to the show, don't send me a Porsche SUV, please.
	The Cayenne?
	Yeah, the Cayenne.
	Look at it.
	What a whack-ass name.
	It looks like a Mitsubishi Eclipse and a Subaru got together.
	Well, that's the problem.
	They all look the fucking same.
	Yeah, the Eclipse was one of the most horrendous transformations of a car.
	When I was a kid, every car was different.
	Look at fucking Men in Black.
	They were parked in front of my house in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
	I almost came.
	With the Ford Galaxy and a fucking Lincoln and a 57 Chevy and all these cool old timey cars.
	Yeah, those are great.
	Of course, our neighbors complain because they're yuppies.
	And white people, rich white people are never happy.
	Look at that masterpiece.
	Hell yeah.
	Holy shit.
	I'm getting a Lincoln Continental.
	Look up a 1957 Ford Galaxy.
	That's got to be the most beautiful creature in existence.
	I mean, fuck the year, but.
	Oh, wow.
	Oh, that's not what I pictured.
	Kind of a guy for you.
	Just look up Ford Galaxy.
	You got to say black.
	Oh, there you go.
	All cars should be black.
	No, that's a little 250s.
	Maybe go Ford Galaxy like 1970.
	Like, I'm not.
	I love the big, bulbous Cuban.
	Oh, shit.
	Now we're talking about that.
	Are you?
	That's GTO levels.
	Why are we watching porn on our show?
	I thought we don't watch porn on this show.
	Look at that thing.
	What a masterpiece.
	Or what's that one in the corner there?
	Right here?
	Screen one?
	No, no.
	This one.
	No, black.
	All cars should be black.
	Look at that thing.
	1970.
	Look at that thing.
	I feel like my dad right now going, why make music after Annie Linux?
	After walking on broken glass with Annie Linux.
	What are you doing, dude?
	We're looking at your stupid screen.
	It's a GTO.
	That's not a Ford Galaxy, though.
	Very similar.
	No, that's way better.
	GTO is trying to be a muscle car.
	Ford Galaxy is a family car.
	It's trying to get you from A to B. Oh, really?
	That was like just a standard vehicle.
	Like, I want to make out with it.
	I feel like those weirdos who marry a roller coaster.
	Look at that.
	Why make a car again?
	My dad is not here tonight, folks.
	He'll be sorry to hear.
	I'm not sorry to hear.
	They're getting on my fucking nerves.
	I'm driving my parents to the pub today, and we take a turn.
	I have to avoid a lot of...
	My area is in the suburbs.
	It's got a lot of traffic lights.
	So I go like left down here, up this lane, and I manage to skip a lot of lights just going through the burbs.
	And my mother goes, this looks like a dead end.
	It looks like it.
	You think I'm driving down a dead end?
	You think I don't know my own neighborhood?
	I've lived in four years, for four years?
	And then she goes, so my wife has a little like office nook off of the kitchen, and it's got a bunch of pictures, mostly Indian shit.
	She's really into Indian crap, powwows, and this tribe and that tribe and stuff, but it also has our kids.
	It has my daughter, my oldest boy, and then my youngest boy.
	The youngest boy's a little lower, and we're moving soon.
	So there's these bins piled up with some baskets.
	Ho-Chunk Indians are big on baskets.
	That's their thing.
	The Apaches, their thing was stabbing you in the eyes.
	Ho-Chunks, their thing is baskets.
	So we have a lot of baskets that her aunt made and her grandmother made and her great-grandmother made.
	We have lots of baskets in the house.
	So that's part of the pile up.
	So it's piled up so high you can't see the portrait of my youngest boy this week.
	And my mother goes, could you know, wouldn't it make sense to move that one that says New York and then put the youngest boy up there?
	And I go, sure.
	Eventually, yeah, sure.
	But that's a little invasive, mom.
	Let's let my wife have her little area.
	And she goes, all right, it just seems nice I could see all three children.
	Which, by the way, they're not head over heels in love with.
	Boomers are the first grandparents to not be that into their grandchildren.
	They're more like, hey, like the days of making a dollhouse with believable shingles and like a little bathtub, and maybe the bathtub works.
	You can run a bath for one of the little people there.
	And then making your grandson a go-kart.
	No.
	They don't even do the fucking dishes.
	So I go, yeah, she'll maybe get around to that eventually.
	And then my dad goes, oh, don't say anything.
	You'll be criticized.
	I go, no, you're criticizing my wife by suggesting she move a fucking picture because it's behind a box.
	Do I sound like an asshole right now?
	No.
	My youngest boy also made a tower.
	This is big with the kids, or at least when they have like a yuppie liberal mom, planks.
	It's a little piece of wood this big.
	And you stack them up and you make little sculptures just out of planks.
	It's like a Northern European thing, like forest kindergarten.
	So my boy, my youngest boy, makes a tower that's nine feet high.
	He has to get up on a bench and stuff.
	Guess who goes careening into it when he gets home from the pub?
	Oh, no.
	I'm going to guess your dad.
	Look at my parlor.
	You can see it.
	It's, you know, not easy to make when you're a little kid.
	And of course, when you see a sculpture like this, a bunch fell.
	But eventually you got it together.
	And you made the giantest tower in the world.
	Oh, man.
	That's an awesome fucking tower.
	And how did you not see that, Dad?
	It's taller than you.
	Like, what did you think it was?
	Just a piece of furniture?
	Fucking guy.
	Anyway, Bubba and Hanks, Tactical Walls, Johnny Apple CBD are here to stay.
	Bubba and Hanks, Tactical Walls, and Johnny Apple CBD.
	They're our sponsors.
	They've been here since day one.
	Patriot owned and operated.
	All of our advertisers love America.
	They love Western values.
	Do me a personal favor and support them.
	In other words, if you're ever going to buy any meat product, get it from Bubba and Hanks.
	If you're ever going to buy any CBD product, get it from Johnny Apple CBD.
	And if you're ever going to buy any kind of gun mount system, or not just for your guns, for your baseball shit.
	Any kind of way to organize your artillery.
	Is that the correct artillery?
	Whether it's sports or gun-related, go to Tactical Walls.
	If you want to give a kick-ass Father's Day gift, go to W dot, dot, dot.
	He's still doing it.
	This is probably why his wife's divorcing him.
	TacticalWalls.com.
	Tim and the team at Tactical Walls will walk you through every step of the way to make sure you have the perfect setup.
	Enter promo code Gavin and you get 50% off all orders.
	Another kick-ass...
	And by the way, this is the level of craftsmanship over at Tactical Walls.
	Look at this.
	And look at the cool shelf.
	Remember the shelf we had?
	That barfed out Budweiser and Maker's Mark?
	That guy just made it on a whim.
	Another kick-ass Father's Day gift is Wag You.
	Beef from Bubba and Hanks.
	Call the number on the website.
	Bubba and Hanks pick up the phone personally.
	The ground beef is on sale, and it is the best burger meat ever.
	I will send you and the family some pounds of that.
	I can't tell if this is the ad guy telling me that or.
	Yeah, is the parentheses?
	Am I giving you that?
	And then he puts in brackets, I'm happy to send two callers beef from Bubster just because, and cover shipping like always.
	So that's he's talking about, I guess, the first two callers.
	I guess let's put that in.
	First two callers.
	Like, he didn't make that very clear.
	Get Bubba and Hanks.
	Right?
	Sounded like it.
	It's so weird.
	He's so descriptive when it comes to the domain name.
	Yeah, great on domain names.
	Not good when it comes to gaining his marriage and explaining free giveaways.
	Right.
	Lastly, we've got to promote the 420 Prize Pack giveaway from Johnny Apple CBD next week.
	Johnny is giving us a ton of CBD to give away for 420, so stay tuned.
	Gummies, tinctures, all that stuff.
	jacbd.com promo code gavin for 35 off orders on 420 and 20 off every other day i'm gavin mcinnis he adds in question marks i don't know what that means thanks bubbin hanks thanks technical tim thanks johnny apple we all like you more than a friend okay sounds fun they replaced the gummy's graphic which is pretty cool now
	saturdays at 11 p.m that's the is that why you were a little suspicious of him i i told her when the second she said that i go fat yeah he's a bike he's a fucking fag that's a bike that's a fucking bag you're made of bag like cleaning out toilets is something you schedule right you don't go uh yeah i'd love to eat you out Just a little early is all.
	Let's do, yeah, let's do Saturday at like 11, and then I can just drink all day, and I'll eat your disgusting pussy.
	I'm pretty grossed out by boners.
	They're not my cup of tea.
	I puke every time I see my own.
	Yeah.
	If I don't masturbate in front of the mirror, because I'll just projectile vomit and I won't be able to see myself anymore.
	It comes in handy when you want to vomit.
	But I feel like I'm not as disgusted by boners as gays are by pussies.
	I am gay.
	Like when I see a boner, like we see boners in porno, right?
	And we're just like, all right, that's another guy's boner.
	I'm going to pretend it's mine.
	But I guess gays don't see boners in porno.
	They just see nothing but dicks.
	Wait, did I say boners?
	Wait, they don't see.
	Oh.
	So they never, like, it doesn't show up in a porno for them.
	They get some buttholes and pussies.
	So they're not as familiar with it as we are with boners.
	Wait, that's a weird concept.
	Gay guy could watch straight porn and just blur out what he doesn't want to see.
	Look what we have for the desk, folks.
	Just in case you've been hearing squeaking.
	Homeboy's getting that like edit.
	Not sure where to.
	Oh, we got callers.
	Sorry.
	All right.
	Let's talk to the callers.
	Somebody says shooting.
	Shooting.
	Hello.
	Waguan.
	Can't hear you.
	Can you hear me, man?
	Hello.
	Hello, Waguan.
	This could be my fault, and I'm checking.
	What's up?
	Can you hear me?
	Can you hear me?
	Oh, here we go.
	Okay.
	Now can you hear me?
	Waguan.
	Yeah, now I can hear you, dude.
	Ryan didn't have the microphone on.
	What was going on there?
	Correct.
	Why not?
	Oh, sorry.
	I'm gay.
	So what's up, dude?
	Nothing.
	Just got them weed whacking my lawn.
	Whacking my lawn?
	What kind of weed whack are you guys?
	I was just listening to AIU's take on that shooting.
	Uh-huh.
	What's the verdict?
	Taser attack?
	Yeah, I just thought it was kind of interesting how the blacks can never seem to rile up a good victim for their cause, a good hero.
	Sounds like they don't exist.
	Well, they do.
	We talked about Craig.
	Remember Craig James Robinson in Alabama or something?
	A nice, wonderful black man who was attacked by racist whites.
	They went looking for N-words.
	And they got one.
	They beat him up.
	They run him over.
	And no one did anything about it media-wise because it was in a red state.
	So they thought, fuck it, I don't care about him.
	Or could it be that the black community has a huge problem with violence and destroying other races and humiliating, racially humiliating Asians and whites and destroying our communities?
	Yep.
	But why not destroy our communities based on that guy?
	Right.
	There he is.
	That's a good point.
	When did that happen?
	Look it up.
	Ryan's got it up on the screen.
	Yeah, his name is James Craig Anderson.
	Sorry, I got the name wrong.
	James Craig Anderson, perfect victim, not a crackhead.
	Unlike George Floyd, he did not force his way into a woman's home, a pregnant woman's home, by pushing a gun in her belly.
	Unlike Deontay, he did not strangle a woman and try to rob her for $850.
	This was just a mild-mannered, normal black dude minding his own business.
	And he was murdered by racist whites.
	And there was no riots.
	Why not?
	Okay, we have one.
	All right.
	Yeah, that's about it.
	Yeah, and it doesn't, you know, it's like, it seems like they're rioting because of this reason or that reason.
	But there's two types of people, people that will riot and people that won't.
	Yeah, this is the problem.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	This is the problem with the modern American culture is we're obsessed with assuming savages have a plan.
	And when you see someone looting a Dollar Tree and burning down a McDonald's, don't try to figure out their manifesto.
	There's nothing going on there of consequence.
	Next caller.
	Chadwick, Judge Dredd.
	Yo, what's up, Ryguy?
	Hello.
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Hey, long-time caller, first-time listener.
	I wanted to know, did you guys have any links where we could send you stuff, like peel boxes?
	I know maybe you don't want to just throw that out there considering, you know, what some people might try to send you or whatever, but.
	What do you want to send us?
	That's so great.
	There was some stuff I wanted to send.
	I wanted to send Ryan this Judge Dredd graphic novel.
	And then there's, I make leather belts.
	Gavin, you said that there's nothing you would want.
	What about stuff that you could give to your kids to make them think you're cooler?
	Like what?
	To make them think you're cooler.
	I don't know.
	Like, I make punk leather belts.
	And there's one that I made that was way too small, but it might fit like a 15-year-old.
	And then I wanted to make one for Zion.
	And I was going to make you a fancier one, but I need to get into stitching so I can get the more supple leather for the inside of the belt and whatnot.
	Yeah.
	Send me over a...
	I got to worry you have a GPS chip you're putting in my daughter's belt, too.
	That's pretty intricate.
	But yeah, you do have to.
	No, you can give it to whoever you want.
	It's very small.
	That's the only thing I could think of that it would fit.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	DM me at Nopiap.
	Nope yep official.
	This episode of Get My Lawn is brought to you by tacticalwalls.com.
	We are so fucked with Biden in office.
	You ask yourself, how could I keep my family really safe with this fucking Momo Yahoo shit dick in office, especially with his ding-dong supporters like Mega Dings?
	Keep your family safe like I do with TacticalWalls.com.
	Tactical Tim and the team at Tactical Walls have the tools to help you protect your home safely and discreetly.
	And then he says, Please show the Tactical Walls custom job Tactical Tim did for you during the live stream.
	I guess he means that.
	Right?
	If you want to keep your home and your family safe, you need to go to tacticalwalls.com, enter promo code Gavin, receive 15% off all orders.
	Keep your family safe.
	That's 15% off all orders.
	And tacticalwalls.com customizes your personal home defense system with you and your family's protection.
	You love your guns.
	You love looking at them.
	Display them beautifully, tactically, and safely with TacticalWalls.com.
	Dude, look at that.
	Oh, that's a trip.
	That's a huge sick.
	That rules.
	That's only $149.
	Let them know what you're trying to have made, and they will build your perfect hidden home defense system.
	God forbid some beanbag breaks into your house and you're not ready to protect your family.
	You need a Tactical Wall set up like I have.
	Tactical Walls is a veteran-owned and operated business and a proud supporter of sensor.tv.
	So show them some love.
	TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off all orders.
	Thanks, Tactical Wall and the team at Tactical Walls.
	God bless small business.
	God bless our listeners.
	Thank you guys for sticking with us.
	TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin, 50% off.
	I know I fucked up a couple times there, but Tim at TacticalWalls.com.
	Tim at Tactical Walls.com.
	That's pretty tricky to say, but the Tactical Walls.
	That's like Tim at the Tactical.
	Sounds like a cleft lip like rehab channel.
	It's almost as hard as Rural Juror or Silent Live.
	You know, I was a writer at Silent Live.
	I watched Saturday Night Live.
	I also insist people say Toronto.
	Instead of Toronto?
	People in Toronto say Toronto.
	Oh, I see.
	People in Toronto watch Sarn Live.
	Toronto.
	Don't say Toronto.
	Don't say Sarnale.
	Toronto Burke.
	It's Toronto.
	It's Saturday Night Live.
	All right, let's get the next call.
	Okay, caller number next.
	They reveal a little too much.
	Oh.
	It's weird that the bow tie makes the bottom button look like it's about to explode, too.
	Right.
	It's actually pretty ripped.
	It causes that.
	That couldn't be any other reason but the bow tie.
	I'm actually a fairly ripped dude these days.
	I got a color.
	I got a.
	There you go.
	You'd be surprised.
	Yes, your answer.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, I was going to simp out on Ryan and get, but no, I'm not going to do that.
	Oh, man.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's pretty.
	So anyway, I've got the lyrics for the final song.
	I can't believe none of y'all have figured this out.
	But it covered it quite a bit on the show.
	This better be good.
	No, it says, but Gavin's on beat, and the show is pretty tight.
	So we're going to do the show with the final video.
	Gavin's on beat?
	That's what the extra guy is saying.
	Okay, thanks for calling.
	I'm done with that fucking thing.
	The beauty of the letters is I can just delete them when they say shit like that subject I don't want to talk about.
	Do you want to hear it?
	Sure.
	To hear beat?
	No.
	No.
	Gavin's on beat?
	It'd have to be boat if he's on beat.
	Gavin's all right, and the show is pretty tight.
	Yeah.
	I once thought it was on point, but it's all right.
	Okay, waste your time.
	Let's stop talking about this.
	We did say we were done with it.
	All right.
	Chris.
	You're on the line.
	10W40 smells very strong.
	Do they put scent in it?
	I don't know.
	It smells like oil.
	Chris, 972.
	You're on the line.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey.
	How's the girl, Chris?
	So, I taught Farhan and his sister Farvin, the one that unfortunately killed his entire family.
	Whoa!
	How do we know you're not lying?
	I mean, because I wrote to you.
	Do you swear stamped Noah Racy swallowed the key?
	I taught him in ninth grade.
	I taught him and his sister, and I taught my son as well.
	And my son was in the sister's class.
	And I had Farhan first period, and he was the class clown.
	He was like a sweetheart.
	And he did talk about the office, as weird as that is.
	So what exactly happened?
	For people not familiar with the case.
	You know, the school that I taught at has a huge Indian population, and the kids that he hung out with were all good kids.
	And his sister, you know, had a full ride to NYU, and, you know, he just seemed like a happy kid.
	No, no, do a Wikipedia.
	Do a Wikipedia on what happened with this poor boy.
	Like, for anyone, for people who don't know who Farhan is.
	Well, you know, he always is worried about his grades.
	Hey, ladies, stop.
	Do like a who, went, when, why, why for people who don't know who Farhan is.
	What happened?
	Yeah, if nobody knew anything of him.
	Okay, so Farhan and his brother apparently started getting extremely depressed.
	And they unfortunately, over Easter weekend, decided to kill their entire family.
	Grandmother, father, mother, his twin sister, the one that I taught, and older brother.
	And the reason why they said that he wanted to kill his family is because they loved him so much.
	They loved both the brothers and that if they didn't kill them, then they would suffer more than if they didn't.
	Morgan apparently got kicked out.
	He was going to UT, and ironically enough, he told his roommate he was going to kill his family, and he got kicked out of UT, and nobody said anything at the college.
	What's U of T?
	So the University of Texas at Austin.
	Oh, okay.
	So you guys are in Austin.
	I thought you mentioned something about NYU.
	Were they headed to NYU?
	His twin sister had a full ride to NYU.
	So they had come home for the holiday.
	And yeah, they decided, apparently they decided in February that they were going to wait a year to kill their family unless they got better.
	And then, I don't know, they just decided to kill them that Easter weekend.
	And it's just crazy because I would have never thought this kid, they were just happy.
	I mean, that goes to show you that, you know, you never know.
	But apparently, it all started in ninth grade.
	And, you know, he was like one of my favorite students, which really kills me.
	And so was his sister.
	But, yeah, they just decided to do it.
	I just couldn't imagine.
	Anyway, the whole city's kind of rocked out about it.
	So when you say he's a funny guy, was he funny like that was an okay joke?
	Or was he funny like, Jesus, if we were friends and we were at a bar, I would consider that a high-quality joke?
	Yes, like they were, he was highly intellectual, and him and his little group of dudes, they used to always joke around.
	And I don't know, he like loved Jacob Sartorius, which is some little YouTube video star.
	And we always used to pull it up during class.
	And he would always make fun of Jacob Sartorius and him being the number one fan.
	And the whole class laughed about it.
	And like he was a well-liked kid.
	It's just so freaking crazy that you just up and commit familiocide, or I think that's what it's called.
	It's a word that's not used very often.
	So he wasn't a fuck-up.
	He wasn't a junkie.
	He wasn't constantly being arrested.
	No, and apparently he tried, he was upset about the fact that his brother, his older brother, the one that he committed that act with, he was able to get a gun so easily.
	So he was super pissed off about that.
	And he had like an 11-page manifesto that he put on Google Docs of all places.
	But yeah, he was mad about that.
	He also set up a GoFundMe to try to give away the money that he'd accrued over the years.
	And he was pissed off because that was a place where you asked for money and he was mad about having to, nobody was, I don't know, it was something weird about GoFundMe that he wanted to donate his money away.
	And it's just, I don't know, it's just insane.
	Well, I think the sort of conclusion here is inevitable, and it might be hard for you to stomach, but it's your fault.
	Yeah, I figured it was as much my fault.
	And I know that you're drenched in guilt, and you're probably calling the show going, what should I do?
	I caused this.
	And all I can suggest is that you kill your family and yourself.
	Yeah, and mine.
	It's not going to happen, Gavin.
	And then I'll feel bad because I was just kidding, but then you literally did it.
	So then I'll kill my family and myself.
	And then hopefully Ryan will follow suit.
	Yeah, it all comes back to Ryan.
	That's what we ultimately want, right?
	No, but seriously, folks, I guess the moral of the story is that there's no rhyme or reason to this kind of mental illness.
	I mean, we talk about guns and we think, oh, the office.
	I mean, they were bitching recently on CNN about how the Christ Church shooter cited the replacement theory.
	And so did the, what it was he, the fucking Texas guy who cited the replacement theory.
	But those guys also cited, one of them cited Pootie Pie, and then your guy cited the office.
	Like, it's mental illness.
	It's the person's responsibility.
	There's no real solution to it.
	I mean, you're saying your student was adored.
	Right?
	I'm sorry.
	Your student was adored.
	Yes, totally.
	I mean, he was really well liked and popular.
	So the idea that we could have prevented this is like a normal instinct, but it's not rational.
	No.
	Anyway, so shout out to Rocket Chat.
	Woo!
	Okay.
	Thanks for calling.
	Thank you, guys.
	And if it happens with another student, well, we're going to start seeing a pattern there.
	Maybe you should try changing your...
	Maybe her teaching techniques are all just about how easy suicide is.
	My class is.
	So guys, welcome back to my class.
	We're going to focus on inhaling so much helium you die today.
	And also how to hook up your car's exhaust to your bedroom.
	Katie's dad.
	248.
	You're on the line.
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Hi.
	Hi, Katie.
	Is Dad?
	On a later note, that was very depressing, what I just posted on to.
	Well, I don't mind if it's true, though.
	I mean, if it's one thing to say people commit suicide all the time, that's depressing.
	But I was there.
	I was a teacher.
	That's fucking interesting.
	Women can't even get along on the phone.
	They're not even on the same line.
	They're having a cat fight.
	She's probably calling once.
	Yeah, you bitch.
	Where are you calling from, caller?
	I was going to lighten the mood up.
	Where are you calling from, caller?
	Where are you calling from, caller?
	Michigan.
	Michigan.
	So you're like 2,000 miles from that previous caller and you hate her fucking guns.
	I don't hate her at all.
	No, she's terrible for her.
	That's what you said.
	You said she's depressing.
	You said she's depressing and her students kill themselves because they have no choice.
	You did say that.
	That's what you said.
	We're not deaf.
	I wanted to talk about dads and you think your dad has the worst temper and you have no idea.
	My dad could beat your dad by like a trillion.
	Good luck.
	Good luck.
	I'm giving you sanitized versions.
	Let me hear what you got.
	Do your worst.
	well, I have a couple stories, but I mean, there's not like actual.
	I've never actually seen fists thrown, but I mean, what he's put me through as a child, it was pretty scary.
	And what's the word?
	Traumatizing.
	Okay, let me tell you what happened today.
	So today, he wants to, there's this drunk named Bill at my local pub, and I call him Unreliabil.
	And Unreliabil said, I'll fuck it.
	He's got a Bronx accent.
	I'll drive you fucking guys to the border.
	Don't worry about it.
	Just give me like 800 bucks.
	And they go, all right, we're going to go with Bill.
	And I go, okay.
	And they go, can you drive us to the, I go, when do you want to go?
	And he goes, what do you mean?
	Do you mean to the pub where Bill is or to the border?
	And I go, I mean to the border because I'm going to text Bill.
	I told you already that it doesn't make sense to go to the pub on the off chance he's there.
	I mean, there's 24 hours in a day.
	What are the odds he's going to be there when you go?
	And he goes, that's exactly.
	You already said that today.
	And I go, yeah, so it's a given that the pub is out.
	And when I'm asking when do you want to go, I mean the border.
	And he goes, no, it's not a given.
	And I go, you can't have it both ways.
	You can't yell at me for asking if you want to go to the pub when I didn't mean that.
	And then also say it's redundant.
	Of course it doesn't mean the pub.
	That's just like three hours ago.
	So what do you got within the past three hours, lady?
	All right, fine, fine, fine.
	You win.
	I can't top that, okay?
	But I can, okay.
	Did you see the sculpture he destroyed?
	Last night?
	Yeah, you can't top that.
	But no, he molested us.
	But yeah, you do win, though.
	Okay.
	Because that sounds like a bummer.
	Okay.
	So my dad, he has a brand, but he also is the most loving person in the whole entire world.
	And so he goes to the same drugstore, not drugstore, but party store, to get his lottery tickets.
	Like he did this every day for I don't even know how many years.
	So I'm sitting in the car waiting for him to get out, and there's a guy standing outside the door next to the garbage can outside the door unwrapping a candy bar.
	And he just throws the wrapper on the ground.
	And my dad gets in the car and he sees this, gets out of the car, he says, don't move.
	He gets out of the car and I'm a little, like, I'm like, I don't know, like 10 or 11.
	And he grabs the guy's collar, pulls him down to the ground, picks up the wrapper, throws it in the garbage can, pushes the guy's face to the garbage can, and like is screaming at him,
	telling him, throw your fucking wrapper in the fucking garbage can.
	That's an awesome dude.
	This whole time.
	That's a wonderful man.
	Like the guy could have had a fucking, the guy could have had a gun or a knife, and I'm this little girl sitting in the car watching this happen.
	Your dad was hungover and or drunk.
	But wait a minute.
	Am I not sure?
	Have you told this story on this show before?
	I'm having deja.
	I haven't told you this for injury.
	I don't think I heard.
	Promise?
	What?
	Do you promise you never told that story before?
	I swear to God.
	Not to you.
	I mean, I've told it to other people.
	Not to you.
	I can picture it so vividly in my head that I thought you'd already told it, but I could picture the garbage, the wrapper, everything.
	I swear to God.
	I mean, I've told this story to people, yes, but not you.
	So your dad's like my dad.
	He's one of the best people alive, a very moral human being.
	He does everything that's right, and he's fucking annoying.
	Just very passionate, very passionate, but very scary.
	Very, very, very scary.
	The last story I'm going to tell you is this last one.
	So I lived in Southfield, and I was moving to Novi, and I was really nervous about it, and blah, blah, blah, blah.
	And so my dad already lived in Novi.
	My mom still lives in Southfield.
	So I'm in Novi with my dad and he's driving down the street and all of a sudden he slams on his brakes, pulls a U-turn, and goes over to the side of the road and gets out of the car and just starts running.
	And I have no clue what's going on.
	No clue what's happening.
	No idea whatsoever.
	Finally, like, I don't know.
	I mean, it felt like a year, but I think it was like five minutes later, he comes puffing and puffing back to the car.
	Some kids were on the other side of this hill on this street throwing apples.
	And I didn't even see it, but he did.
	And so when he saw an apple flying out on the road, he did that.
	And he left his small child in the car on the side of the road while he proceeded to chase these kids over the hill to their homes.
	So when I start my first day at school in sixth grade, the fucking kid that did it was in my class.
	No.
	You need to send us a picture of this guy.
	He's our new mascot.
	Yeah.
	He's probably the greatest person that's ever lived on the planet.
	But he will, like, if he snaps, then you're dead.
	Like, you're, like, you're stunned.
	Like, he's just.
	Please send us a picture of him.
	Oh, my God.
	You can change his name.
	We can call him, like, Artie Lemieux.
	I will send you a picture.
	And he actually, and this last thing to say about him, but he actually died three or four years ago, three or four on the golf course.
	Thanks.
	Shadow God.
	And part cat.
	No, he's alive.
	No, he's alive.
	No, no, no.
	He did.
	He dropped dead.
	I brought him dead.
	That was quick.
	I thought you said he died.
	Like flatlined.
	Oh, he did.
	He did.
	And he's back.
	He did.
	He died.
	Yeah.
	He did.
	Yeah.
	No, he did.
	No, he was dead.
	Okay, simmer down.
	He's alive.
	He's alive.
	You can relax.
	Get him to call into the show.
	He's alive.
	The only reason he's alive is because he was on the golf course when it happened because there was a fucking doctor in the hole behind him.
	A what?
	In the hole behind him?
	A doctor.
	Oh, a doctor.
	A doctor.
	Well, they say that.
	They say that the toughest weeds die last.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	That's a great story.
	What's your name again, Chris?
	Katie.
	Katie.
	Kate, we want to see pictures of your dad.
	I can picture him, though, pretty good.
	Slovak, kind of a wide face.
	Comb over.
	No, he does not have a comb over.
	He actually has all of his hair, and he is a very handsome man, but I will send you a picture.
	Okay, thanks.
	Like you more than a friend.
	Thanks for calling.
	Can I get another one of these puppies?
	Yeah.
	You know what I want to do?
	There should be a beer or a booze called like Fireball Faggot.
	So then you go to the bar and you're like, can I have a shot of Fireball Faggot?
	And the bartender goes, fuck you.
	And you go, it's called Fireball Faggot.
	You need to calm down.
	But it has a common.
	My favorite thing with my parents is to bring them in a bar and I walk into my various locals.
	I have about four.
	And I go, this is my mommy and daddy.
	So if anyone here has a problem with me, they're going to have to take it up with them.
	And then I say, that's the guy that was bullying me, Dad.
	Sometimes I don't get it, though.
	It's very peewee Herman nemesis.
	Yeah.
	Francis.
	Yeah, Francis.
	I'll go up to the bartender and go, hey, do you know who my father is?
	He's right there.
	He's one of the top lawyers in New York.
	So I'd like a Budweiser now, please.
	Yesterday.
	We got Steve, and he's on the line.
	And by the way, I got the two winners, and I will be contacting you after the show.
	I'll also be caretacting you soon after.
	Steve.
	Hey, guys, would you want the Marlborough cigarette after the show and get the Budweiser beer?
	Yes.
	You're cool.
	Me too.
	Canadian making fun of Americans there, pal?
	No, I was going for the Norwegian guys.
	Oh, God.
	Well, you should have said that joke with maybe another 400 meters.
	Yeah, that's definitely what it needed.
	So, G-Dog, so you are moving, right?
	Yes.
	Do you already have a place picked out and everything?
	Possibly.
	I like to be very elusive about these kind of things.
	I understand.
	But I was the one who wrote you a letter a couple months ago about Reno in Parsons City in Nevada.
	Sorry.
	Cannot move into an oven.
	I appreciate it.
	I love the people there.
	I cannot live in a toaster oven.
	No?
	No, I cannot.
	Speaking of things I don't want, like I saw Penn and Teller's house.
	Pennette, what's his name?
	Penn Gillette.
	I saw his house, and it's worth like, I don't know, $200 million.
	And I was like, no, thank you.
	Don't want it.
	I mean, I know you're a big ski guy.
	It's like you've got skiing year-round.
	There's Lake Tahoe.
	There's Donner Lake.
	Where I live, there's all these ATV trails and dirt bike trails and stuff.
	That sounds cool.
	I don't know.
	It's pretty our subscribers with my various moving ideas.
	But thank you for calling.
	Yeah, Pendalette's house is kind of funky and it's got like, you know, a guitar-shaped pool and stuff.
	And I just, I look at that and I think 110 degrees.
	Look at that.
	Look at the dead flowers.
	I do not want that.
	Good news, Gavin.
	We raised, we did how to GoFundMe.
	We raised $120 million.
	No, it's probably not that.
	It's probably like a $7 million house.
	We raised $7 million and we got you Pendulette's house.
	I am done.
	With a Porsche SUV in the driveway.
	I don't want that.
	Look at it.
	Look at his house.
	Show his house.
	This room looks comfy, but that's like a nice house in fucking Mount Vernon.
	This is a goof town.
	Do you want that?
	I don't want that.
	It's got like 32 bedrooms.
	I don't want 32 bedrooms.
	Even if I had them full, where do we eat?
	This is what I don't get about big, huge mansions.
	That's a great picture.
	Whoa, by the way.
	This one?
	Well, sure, that'll do too.
	Jesus.
	That's goofy.
	That's like a little singer.
	It looks like hell on earth.
	And say you have 32 bedrooms, right?
	And you fill them all.
	How the fuck do you people talk?
	You're just living in a hotel.
	Like, book a hotel then.
	And all, like, say, hey, we're going to meet in Atlantic City August 3rd to August 6th.
	And we'll go gamble together, whatever.
	I get that.
	That makes sense.
	But at your own home, now your home is Atlantic City.
	What are you doing?
	What is that fucking cacophony of a home?
	Go back to that aerial view.
	It's in a desert.
	It's a big, stupid fucking home.
	Look at that shit.
	And so what you have dinner like, this is, I don't even get this when it goes back to like Downton Abbey and it's aristocrats.
	So you all sat at the dinner table with 37 people there?
	How do you have dinner with 37 people?
	That's just dumb.
	I don't like having dinner with more than like two couples.
	Me and my wife, Anthony and Missy.
	Got it.
	Maybe we can get crazy and I'd like one more couple, maybe six people.
	That's kind of crazy, but I don't know why we're doing six.
	32?
	Well, now you're just at a restaurant.
	You just had a restaurant in your house.
	I honestly do not fucking understand.
	The only thing I can come up with is status.
	So it's like having, you know, a $300,000 car with like a gold interior with the drive shafts made of pure gold.
	It's fucking retarded, but other people go, ooh, that's a fancy drive shaft.
	Beautiful.
	That's all I can think of.
	Because you can't enjoy a home with 32 bedrooms.
	You cannot.
	That's a fact.
	What a dumb status symbol that is.
	You're hideous, stupid house.
	Pendillette, you were so fucking tacky.
	Ugh.
	You could have an aneurysm on a toilet.
	You never know.
	I love how he's a big atheist, except when it comes to Islam.
	Oh, really?
	And then he gets a little more guarded.
	And he's open about it.
	He goes, because I have a family.
	I don't want to put them in danger.
	All right.
	Well, go fuck yourself then, Faggot.
	We must kill Pendelette.
	He is half of the magic comedy duo.
	I mean, I like Pendillette and I like his magic.
	I think that's cool.
	And I like their show where they try to figure out magic tricks.
	I like that too.
	But I'm sorry, man.
	Vegas has got to go.
	Blow it up.
	Blow it up good.
	Not that the previous caller was talking about Vegas, but you get what I'm saying.
	Logan Relationships.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	You have to turn the show down or show you.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Homeboy's gonna like.
	Homeboy's gonna like get hung up on.
	Hello.
	Well, we tried.
	There's another thing about my dad.
	So, the bartender, you know, the jack with the how'd you do and a telomore do and a.
	Of course.
	So he's got this pinky like this, which my grandmother had.
	And my penis had this too.
	I had Peyronius disease.
	And so I had Zyoflex injected into my dick.
	I did a whole episode on this.
	And it killed the calcium deposit, whatever it was, and it straightened out my dick again.
	I think my grandmother got the same thing with her bent pinky.
	So Jack goes, and my dad's like, I believe that's now done with medication.
	I saw a quarterback, a Denver quarterback, forget his name, John Edwards or something, who was advertising it, and it's medication.
	And I go, medication, like a pill or an injection?
	I think you're talking about Ziaflex.
	And he goes, and then he gets all pissed off like an old chimp.
	And he goes, medication.
	And I go, first of all, calm down, old man.
	Secondly, I think medication can include an injection.
	What I think you're talking about is you don't need to go under the knife.
	It's a needle.
	Needle and a pill.
	They're both sort of considered medication.
	He's like, it's a fucking pill.
	And I go, you're positive it's a pill?
	Because I think I've had it.
	I didn't tell him I had pyronis.
	Oh.
	And he goes, well, an injection.
	All I know is that it's not an incision.
	It's not an operation.
	That's what I'm saying, asshole.
	So we're on the same page.
	Maybe stop gritting your teeth when you're talking to me.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	You got to put the smile on and be like, I'm not being rude to my own father.
	I am just saying.
	I'll be rude.
	I've tried rude.
	I've tried not rude.
	The smile was like 32b.
	Done everything.
	Sometimes I say, fuck you.
	Sometimes I say, calm down.
	Sometimes I say, I think you might be wrong.
	Some say, that's not how it goes.
	Is he trying to age you to his own point so you guys are just both the same age?
	God damn it, man.
	I will eat your ass.
	That is funny.
	I want, oh, man.
	And he drinks so much that it fills his stomach.
	So his stomach only knows how to digest this.
	So my mom will make him like, this morning she made him bacon and egg and cheese on a piece of toast.
	Now, imagine you went to Ethiopia and you went up to some kid who had flies on his face and a distended belly.
	And you're like, here, here's some whole wheat toast with some egg and cheese and a fucking pile of bacon.
	He'd die.
	He'd have one bite and go, oh, can we not start with rice, please?
	For some reason, I have an Indian accent here in Africa.
	I usually eat the poo-poo.
	All over the place.
	Can we just eat the poo-poo?
	To eat the poo-poo!
	So he has that sandwich, and then I see him, and he's sitting by it, like the couch in the living room, just going, like having a bad acid trip.
	Like he did too much Coke or something.
	In the sense that...
	It's because his body can't digest food because it digests this.
	That is fucking wild.
	That's just like, I'm telling you, these stories, these kooky stories about how annoying my parents are, come from me being with them for about an hour and a half today.
	I'm not going back.
	These stories are not from fucking Tuesday.
	These are fresh.
	You're hearing Wednesday jams only.
	You might have skipped a bunch.
	I have skipped a lot.
	So this is only Wednesday complaints with the McInnes's.
	Oh, so lucky that is a lucky bird.
	That doesn't sound too lucky.
	That doesn't sound too lucky.
	We got Matt Andrews in the line, and we've both done his podcast.
	Great guy.
	He's in the group.
	Great guy.
	He's in the music group.
	Great guy.
	What's up, Matt?
	What's up?
	Okay, so my question is for Gav.
	So have you ever cried when listening to music, or do you think that's gay?
	Because Ryan thinks I'm gay for crying when listening to music.
	Yes, I do.
	Yeah, in our latest music group meet, we were just listing songs that give us an emotional reaction, i.e., cry.
	And he's like, I don't cry to music.
	I never cry to music.
	And I was like, well, he's like, I have depressing songs when girls make me feel stuff.
	And I was like, okay, we need to flip.
	I cry all the time to music.
	All that around.
	Yeah.
	And we're bullying him because he needs to cry.
	Thanks for calling, by the way.
	We're going to hang up on you now.
	Yes.
	Thanks for calling.
	Any song about a dead dad is a cry fest.
	For example, Billy Bragg's Tank Park Salute.
	Kiss me good night and say my prayers.
	Leave the light on the top of the stairs.
	Daddy, is it true that we all have to die?
	Tear jerk alert?
	I almost want my dad to die so I can be the guy with the dead dad.
	Hey, my dad just died.
	I might kill him.
	I might just stab him so then the next day, I'll clean it up.
	Because you don't want to be the guy who murdered his dad.
	But the guy whose dad just died, that's kind of a heavy dude.
	My dad just died.
	I'm listening to Billy Bragg right now, actually.
	Looking at black and white pics.
	There he is.
	Looks like Michael Douglas after falling down.
	Billy Bragg with Down syndrome.
	I want my dad to die so bad so I can be the guy with the dead dad.
	Like my buddy Steve, when we went to Europe, he goes, don't you wish we could go back to the Biftech after four months of being in Europe and be the guys who have been in Europe for four months?
	Actually, I'll be in Europe for four months.
	Thanks.
	Don't you wish we could just have been the guy who fucked Eva Mendez?
	Without having done it?
	I think I'll eat her out and fucking suck her tits and kiss her ass and slap her and fucking rip the shit out of her from behind and then come all over her legs.
	Thanks.
	To not tell a soul.
	I'll take it to my grave.
	Yeah.
	So that's a tearjerker.
	Or another tear jerker is Mike Skinner, The Streets.
	We never went to church.
	And then he talks about his dad and how we have the same mannerisms.
	Yeah, another dad's song for me, the one that I posted in the group was YouTube.
	Sorry.
	But he wrote a song for his dad.
	His dad was an opera singer, Bono.
	And he hits it like an opera note.
	And in Milan, he like cries trying to.
	Oh my God, Brian, that must be so hard on you imagining a life without your dad around.
	Well, I. I see what you did there.
	What are you crying about?
	Well, it's because I could imagine.
	Like, I've never lost a leg.
	Literally, Ryan, shut up.
	You don't have a leg.
	You know.
	I've never lost a leg, but I can imagine that this is fucking cowardly lion.
	What is that lion?
	This is a tear jerker, kid.
	Nice teeth, British person.
	I could write an equally sad song about my dad being alive.
	I've hung out.
	We should have been friends, me and Mike.
	We hung out a few times.
	We both loved each other, but Slooshi and Bryce got in Wayne.
	Sad tournament is.
	Yeah, dude.
	Like, you could be on...
	You'd be like the best guest on Rogan right now.
	You'd be fucking Red Eye wouldn't be canceled.
	And this fucks up my life.
	Because I feel like I'd be in the green room and you just got off Rogan and like Tim Dylan's there because he's about to go film.
	He's like, I like that Ryan kid.
	He's really funny.
	Because I kind of made him laugh.
	But he really wants to fuck me.
	So that's probably why he thinks I'm funny.
	Well, David Cass and our old friends.
	Our old Ryan got a job with Laura Ingram.
	Ingram here.
	Laura Ingram here.
	That wasn't funny.
	Here's a song.
	Well, we'll take some more calls in a sec, but here's a weird part that made me cry once.
	It's Victim's Family, and the song is DOG.
	And there's a thing, this would be hard to convey to our viewers, but there's a thing in the 80s with hardcore where guys who were really talented didn't like just playing stupid songs.
	So they would start incorporating sort of prog rock into their songs.
	Like Rhythm Pigs was another band like this.
	Midwestern dudes, usually.
	And so they'd write these songs that were still hardcore, but they were so musically advanced.
	And it was weird for us to hear because we were hearing, we're used to like minor threat garbage, right?
	Yeah, the rhythm pigs.
	But listen to this song.
	Because you're normal hardcore, right?
	Let me skip ahead a bit because the breakdown is nuts.
	There it is.
	I want to be honest, my old roommate Aiden Gert cried to that part, and I thought, that's really intense, man.
	I'm going to take on that story and just make it mine.
	Oh, no, you didn't.
	Yeah.
	Duh.
	You can do shit like that as long as you're honest and you tell people you're lying.
	Afterwards, yeah.
	It's like after 9-11, I rode over the Williamsburg Bridge on the bridge where the cars can only go.
	You're not allowed to go on a bicycle.
	But everything was shut.
	And I saw a chip bag blowing.
	And I overheard my wife on the phone going.
	And then I rode over the Williamsburg Bridge and I just saw this chip bag just sort of rocking back and forth in the wind.
	And I'm sitting there going, no.
	You fucking whore.
	Whoa.
	You just stole my story.
	There's no chance she like thought it was her story.
	Like pictured it so well.
	Day after.
	Oh.
	It's within 36 hours.
	Fuck.
	Yikes.
	All right, let's take a couple calls and then fucking.
	By the way, about crying, like that's not a typical song you cry to.
	We got guys in the group so hardcore, they cry to like metal songs.
	Well, you could cry to a song.
	This fucking pretty cool.
	No, like fucking like terrifying, hardcore.
	There's nothing emotional or ballady about it.
	No, I don't think you're allowed to do that.
	Really?
	You can only cry to a song if it's groundbreaking and slow and melodic.
	That's what I think.
	I like the climbing.
	And or involves a dead dad.
	I don't know what the lyrics are, but it's definitely.
	I can't wait till my dad dies and I can come on this show and be like, Sorry, I'm lit.
	My dad passed today.
	Like to this.
	Yeah, that's game.
	You're not allowed to cry to that.
	I'll tell him.
	He's not going to be happy.
	It's a fact.
	He's the guy who makes our music for rules.
	This is just a fact.
	Brian.
	Matt has a would you rather?
	Okay.
	Hey, Gavin Rice guy.
	Sure.
	What's up?
	Would you rather have sex with Ryan once a year or live in China for the rest of your life?
	Your straightness can die in Japan or you can die in China.
	That's a tough one, man.
	I would do the former, by the way.
	Yeah, but now you're...
	See, here's something you have to add to this, would you rather, is your facility, your personal liberty, I guess it's invaded in both.
	But like someone, sex is very intimate, right?
	And someone's making you do something.
	Like forget Ryan.
	Just say like Judy Bonaducci.
	Like someone's making you have an intimate act against your will, so you're their slave.
	But then it's the, I guess the exact same is true living in a fucking disgusting shithole like China, which I lived in.
	China is asshole.
	And that's 365 days a year.
	I guess that would fuck Ryan up his sweet little butt.
	Great.
	I like your new sunglasses.
	Thanks.
	He's already ashamed of you.
	I like your new sunglasses.
	I'm ashamed of me too.
	I mean, I'm trying to speed the show along.
	It does feel wrong.
	But like, if you're in China against your will, you're a slave 24 hours a day.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	I was trying to sell Sebastian Manascalco to Anthony Cumi at the time.
	I've done that.
	I've tried selling it to people.
	It's going well.
	You know what's crazy is he's undeniably, mathematically hilarious.
	And my girlfriend did the same thing.
	I was like, check him out.
	Anthony's starting to drop it.
	Anthony was talking about his grandmother making lasagna.
	And I go, was she throwing them up the stairs?
	Yeah, yeah.
	And he's like, no, she would bring them to the.
	No, she wouldn't throw them up.
	They would get dirty.
	When there was ice in the drink that smelled like the freezer, would you throw it out?
	And he's like, no, I would just pour it in the sink or.
	Right.
	Just completely.
	It's on our site.
	You can look all this up.
	But did you tell him that that was Sebastian or you were just trying to...
	Because he's worked with a mime to get that movement down.
	Yeah, I think that's bullshit, dude.
	No, he did.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Why do you say, yeah, he did?
	I know somebody who was like, yeah, that guy trained with the mime, a couple of other stand-up stories.
	Do you know someone who said it?
	Yeah, this guy's not a marketing.
	No, it's a great marketing thing.
	I worked with a mime.
	It's awesome.
	He didn't work with a fucking mime.
	Now you're farting into the mic.
	Okay.
	I'm working.
	Why are farts so loud?
	Anyway, my girlfriend was saying, she's like, this isn't funny.
	But I'm like, you're smiling.
	And she's like, it's not funny.
	And then it kept happening.
	Like, he kept doing his thing.
	He's like, so then he's over there doing the thing.
	What are you doing?
	And she's bawling, laughing.
	His content has substance too.
	It's not like he's fucking Carrot Top or the watermelon dude.
	Like he goes, who writes reviews?
	Like, I go to a restaurant.
	I go, the salmon sucks.
	Let's get out of here.
	Are you really sitting there?
	And then writes down that they didn't like the salmon.
	You got time for that?
	Yeah.
	Who are these people?
	And she's like, this isn't funny, but laughing.
	And then she gave in.
	She was like, okay, he's fucking great.
	Well, that's what I was saying.
	But she was like, what's his shirt all about?
	Sebastian, I mean, Sebastian, Anthony today on the show is Italians now define themselves by how close they are to the front row at Sebastian Maniscalco concerts.
	Oh, shit, that's hilarious.
	Sicilians, like in Italy, Sicilians are considered the lowest, and Milan is the top.
	The closer you are to Africa, the worse you are, coincidentally.
	And in Maniscalco concerts, it's like I have front row.
	And fucking Tommy Baggs at my gym is like, yo, I fucking, I didn't have front row, but my friend, like my dad and his cousin were front row.
	We were over here.
	We couldn't get seats together, but me and my cousin, my brother were over here.
	I'm like, I don't give a fuck.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Where you were sitting when you saw Sebastian Maniscalco, but he's used to talking to other Italians, I guess.
	That is such a thing.
	Oh, okay.
	Dude, we were right there.
	Your brother was in the front row.
	Oh, okay.
	You couldn't sit in with him?
	Because my cousin sat with his brother in the very front row.
	And it was funny because the parking was pretty good, too.
	Okay.
	Sounds like you rule.
	Calm down.
	Calm down.
	Fireside chat artist or 509.
	Hello.
	I want to draw you with my heels on.
	Great.
	Let's do it.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on.
	Yeah.
	My question is your opinion on...
	It's like we're living in a shitty video game and we're the NPCs to the leftists who are playing.
	Great analogy.
	When we do something that they don't agree with, they're like, developers, can we cancel this NPC or can we change the code so they don't exist?
	And when you say we, it's not just you and me, it's cops.
	It's Matt Gates.
	It's Ron DeSantis.
	It's everyone rational.
	Like Rashida Talib said, get rid of the police.
	They're shooting people.
	Everyone remotely non-radical has to go.
	Yeah.
	Fucking hey.
	Oh, the other thing I wanted to see what your opinion was, the whole insurrection bullshit.
	I think the real insurrection was when Donald Trump came down the escalator because he basically was running as the common man.
	And the common man, Trump, got into the Capitol when he was elected.
	And that was the real fucking insurrection.
	Yeah, good point.
	Good point.
	Maybe, I don't know.
	Yeah, thanks for calling.
	Good points from this guy.
	Well, when you see the way they attack Matt Gates, he's fucking kids.
	Or Ron DeSantis.
	He made money off the pandemic.
	Pay to play.
	60 Minutes is on it.
	The way they're attacking them so vociferously, and I forgot what that word means.
	Please look it up.
	With a V, right?
	Vociferous?
	Yeah.
	Shows you that they're trying to make it crystal clear that no outsiders are ever getting near the fucking White House again.
	And Ron DeSantis is considered an outsider.
	Vociferous.
	Yeah, that's what I meant.
	Yep.
	They're making it crystal clear that no one's getting near.
	Like, I don't think they would definitely not accept fucking Bernie Sanders.
	Who would they accept?
	Not Mitt Romney.
	Shit Romney.
	Jeb Bush.
	I remember back before Trump in 2015, they were like, you know what?
	I'll give you Jeb.
	Only you're seeing that?
	This could be a way to screen.
	I don't need to screen.
	I'll just cut them off if they're boring.
	Donkey, donkey.
	All right.
	We're going to go to Justin.
	Okay.
	Hello?
	Hello.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey, Gav.
	How are you, man?
	Good, man.
	Hey, just wanted to ask your opinion about the last couple of weeks of Howard Stern and his obsession with the trans movement.
	I don't know if you heard today, today's show, how they were basically waiting, just on standby for some announcement on Good Morning America about some bastard contestant.
	Just curious what your thoughts were about today's show and the last couple of weeks.
	Thank you for calling, sir.
	If you'll notice with sexual predators recently, there's been a strange proclivity for Jews to be involved.
	Larry David brought this up on SNL in his opening monologue.
	He went, I couldn't help, but a lot of them are Jews.
	So Harvey Weinstein's disgusting.
	All these other predators are Jeffrey Epstein and all that stuff.
	And I can't help but let that creep into my mind when I hear Howard Stern talking about these young girl shows he loves.
	He pretends it's for Beth, his trophy wife.
	But remember he had that girl on who was on some show that was called like The Kiss.
	And she's like 17.
	And he's pretending it's a normal part of his normal show.
	He's so big that he's getting George Clooney and Jennifer Anniston and like the Brad Pitt, top people in the world.
	And then Julia Lemieux from The Kiss.
	And you're like, they're not in the same league, dude.
	Why'd you get that 17-year-old?
	Oh, because you have a boner.
	Because you want to fuck her.
	And he talks about the porn he likes a lot.
	And it's always stepsister shit, which I find very disturbing.
	Occasionally, I will look at Red Tube.
	And I'm always disturbed by how much of it is like, stepdad walks in.
	Like, do you want to fuck your stepdad?
	So the latest thing he's really into is Jazz Jennings.
	No.
	Now, I have to concede, I'm obsessed with Gigi Gorgeous.
	That's a dude with a dick who's married to a woman with a cunt.
	And they both think that the other person is a different gender.
	And Gigi Gorgeous goes to her OBGYN and asks, what's wrong with her pussy, which has a penis in it on it.
	And around it.
	Is it?
	Whatever you want to call it.
	But these are adults.
	And I promise you, I have no intention of fucking either of them.
	But like, we've mentioned Jazz Jennings on the show, but to be obsessed with Jazz Jennings reeks of perversion to me.
	And I don't want to say Jewish perversion.
	That's shallow.
	But Howard Stern's obsession with young girls, particularly young trans girls, is deeply disturbing to me.
	He's a fucking predator.
	Let's cut the shit.
	Look up Howard Stern and Jazz Jennings.
	Jazz Jennings is a child.
	This is a Canadian dude.
	He's like 30.
	That's Ryan Meets Me.
	He's coming out for the last time.
	This was posted a day before my birthday.
	Wait, what's this?
	So it's kind of a gift.
	It's just coming out for the last time.
	If not my best, like, favorite memories.
	Searching deep within myself, finding out something to start from the beginning.
	Can't you hear the Canadian in him?
	Oh, yeah, a little bit.
	Today is the day.
	I felt inspired today to sit down and just talk with you guys, open up, be super.
	Renewing your vows, but gayness?
	You're not gay, dude.
	Your wife's a chick.
	I do it.
	You fuck her and your pussy.
	You're Vince Neal.
	I will be coming out.
	You're Vince Neal with tits.
	For the fourth time.
	I'm just going to be sharing what an exhausting, boring piece of shit.
	If this can help one person out with her.
	But God bless her.
	I think I'm justified in being obsessed with this shit hot mess.
	But yeah, Howard Stern and Jazz Jennings.
	Look at Jazz Jennings.
	We got to start screen capping this.
	The story is with Jazz Jennings, by the way.
	He and his brothers are like weird little fucking Armenian refugees that were adopted by this Jewish family.
	Boy, a lot of Jew shit today.
	And they turned one of them into a chick.
	I wonder what the It Poo-Poo dad would think of this.
	Just like Charlize Therone, she adopted some African kids.
	And they're like, we're starving to death.
	We don't want the children to eat the poo-poo.
	We will give the children to a Hollywood actor.
	It will go great.
	They will go to private school and wear cardi guns and have their own...
	They don't know about iPhones.
	They think that an Android is the best you can get.
	And then they take him and he eats the fag fag.
	She turned her boys into fags.
	Damn.
	Not exotic enough.
	I wonder if the like Congolese guy with weird scars, you know, like self-inflicted burns.
	He's like, I wonder where my warrior son is in America.
	Maybe I can meet with him later and we can start a revolution and liberate the black army of America.
	And then he tunes in.
	He's like, you go, girl, absolutely.
	He's like, let me finish this fucking slut cone and take down my mermaid blonde wig and I'm in.
	Sparta or whatever.
	I like the idea that the dad is in denial.
	It's like, kids eat ice cream cones all the time in all sorts of ways.
	Sir, we have some weird news.
	These are some pictures of the progress of this is the plan.
	Oh, he's pretending to be a fag.
	Okay.
	Which is the best way to accrue wealth and power in Hollywood.
	And then when I call on him, the shark king will emerge.
	It seems like your son has earned the Emmy that Charlice Theron has on her mantle.
	He is learning acting from his adopted mother, whose throat I will slit when I come to collect him.
	And we will liberate Detroit, East New York, Baltimore, and South Sada, Chicago.
	Just saying it's very convincing.
	He is very, very, very convincing.
	Believe me, sometimes I get a bit sweaty when I look at how good he is at faking being a fag.
	It's really nailing it.
	Really, really nailing it.
	Especially that pink sweatshirt with the heart on it.
	Wow, he's good.
	But you must have faith in the Wakanda.
	Have faith in my boy.
	Oh, man.
	When I call on him, he puts down his strawberry knapsack.
	He removes his princess gown.
	And I shave off his cornrows.
	He will be a real man.
	And we will fight.
	Who is going to pass down the lineage, though?
	We are getting...
	He's finding a woman.
	Right.
	In my tribe, we find a woman when we are eight years old.
	Let's say we fuck her and fuck her.
	And then she gets her first menstruation after 32 fucks.
	Usually by our fifth year of marriage, she starts being able to become pregnant.
	And the first period is the first baby.
	The first one is the first cut is the deepest.
	Yes.
	Her hymen is gone at nine.
	He knows all this.
	You don't need to.
	Wait, Sean Penn?
	He's with fucking Shan Penn.
	Okay, maybe we have stretched the umbilical cord a little too far.
	It is.
	I'm getting a little stressed out, to be frank.
	Getting bad.
	This is getting kind of...
	I am feeling anxiety for the revolution.
	And then they eat the poo-poo.
	We got Jeremy.
	His dad finally tracks him down.
	He's like, Dad, you should try poo-poo.
	It's really good.
	It's pretty funny.
	It's like chocolate.
	But, uh...
	But poo-poo.
	You're on the line.
	I'm a huge poo-poo fan.
	Jeremy.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Angelina Jolie has a class war happening in her adopted kids.
	What's up, dude?
	Hey, man, what's going on?
	Good.
	If you're going to the third world to adopt kids, at least adopt attractive ones.
	Yeah.
	What's going on with that Somali forehead?
	She looks like a brown light bulb.
	She's pissed.
	Go ahead, sir.
	I don't think he thinks he's on the show.
	Sir, you are on the line.
	We just kept cutting you off.
	He hung up the phone.
	My bad, sir.
	252 is the first three numbers of your number.
	You're on.
	Hello.
	You're on, dude.
	Let's do this.
	Let's do it.
	You're guys.
	I am on the line.
	You eat the poo-poo.
	Go ahead.
	Fucking dogs.
	Hey, your guys' West African accent's on point.
	I used to live in Ghana for a couple years, and you guys got it dialed.
	Wow, thanks.
	Never been.
	Yeah, you got it.
	And you also look like a Nation of Islam guy in your bow tie.
	I don't know if that's what you're going for, but it's great.
	Yes, I am going for that because the West Africa will merge with the nation of Islam and we will all eat the white man.
	It's true.
	Get red out.
	Hey, man, I'm calling to clarify.
	A few weeks ago, you guys were talking about the N-word in the wood pile.
	And here it's a term that's used.
	The actual real tongue-in-cheek term looks like there's a little coal in the wood pile.
	And that's referring to, like, let's say there's a white guy who has maybe like some, you know, bigger lips or like extra curly hair or is a little melanated.
	You're tongue-in-cheek ways saying, like, oh, back in the, looks like, you know, a black guy fucked one of your back in the day.
	Yeah.
	I know a guy like that who was a Nazi skinhead.
	Yeah.
	So you would say like, oh, it looks like there's a little coal in the wood pile.
	Okay.
	That's how you'd say.
	But what's the real origin?
	Is it like slaves hiding in wood?
	What's that?
	What's the real origin of N in the woodpile?
	Is it slaves hiding in wood piles like to avoid being detected?
	Not that I care.
	No, no, it's just another way of saying like, hey, man, look like there's like a like, you know, a nigger in the wood pile.
	Looks like something got to your ancestors back in the day.
	Ah.
	Like, like, you know, like Peckerwood, the white boy.
	What were you doing in Africa?
	Why'd you live in Africa?
	I was in Ghana.
	I was a chef and bar, I guess, manager.
	We got contracted to open up a big giant entertainment facility there in Accra in Ghana.
	And so I lived there for a couple years developing that and got to know the culture.
	Is there money there?
	That's where I found out.
	Where's the money come from?
	Who's the money?
	Well, I actually worked for the most affluent man in Ghana.
	And there was a place called Citizen Kofi.
	We worked for a guy named Kofi Omoa.
	But all the money from, they found oil back in 07 there.
	And so that was the first time.
	So he was liquidating the money.
	It must have been Americans, right?
	He was an Americanized Ghanaian guy.
	Huh.
	But remember Find Kofi?
	Remember that war criminal, whatever?
	And then the dude who was running the charity ended up being a Method and ran around naked?
	No, but I remember Kofi Anon.
	He was the head of the UN for a while.
	They named their, you get named after the days of the week.
	So if you were born on Friday, your name's Kofi.
	That's fucking retarded.
	It is fucking retarded.
	And I'll tell you, that's where I learned how deep racism goes.
	Like, you know, you're there, everybody's African, but everybody is so tribal that they all hate the fuck out of each other.
	And like, I would have problems with one employee.
	I'd be like, hey, how come I can't motivate this employee?
	And they'd be like, oh, he is God.
	He is lazy.
	He's a thief.
	And I asked else about another guy.
	They'd be like, oh, he's a shanty.
	He's lazy.
	He's a thief.
	They all hated each other, man.
	You had to just negotiate all the racism there.
	Hate is natural.
	That is ridiculous.
	Hate has a home here.
	Thanks for calling.
	I wonder how they treated him, though.
	Hate has a home here.
	Are they mean to him?
	They like him.
	They do.
	He is a hard-working white man.
	This literally looks like...
	This Ghana hotel looks like Pendillette's third wing of his house.
	I don't want that.
	Don't give me that.
	I don't want anything.
	Keep it away from me.
	Do not get me a present.
	That is gay.
	I honestly cannot think.
	I have money.
	If I wanted a present, I'd go buy something.
	I have not bought anything in a long, long time.
	I bought this suit three years ago.
	Same with this tie.
	I bought this Jolt can years ago.
	Emily got me this Sid Vicious.
	A Japanese dude I'm friends with sent me this after we stayed in Japan.
	The dude, the Jay Howell, whatever from Bob's Burgers, sent me this.
	I bought this Juggalo doll 20 years ago.
	My wife gave me this, please be a fart, 20 years ago.
	My kids won this at the Simpsons thing in Nickelodeon Center.
	My wife got me this for Father's Day.
	Tactical Walls got me that.
	This was sent to us, says Proud of Your Boy.
	It's one of the two bells that we got.
	These things I got at Anthropology 20 years ago.
	Here's a polarity of my wife and I on vacation in St. Martin, probably 10 years ago.
	When I bought my motorcycle, the guy gave me a duplicate of it with that.
	This I think I bought.
	This is from V the 80s show.
	I think I Bought that myself.
	I think David Cross bought me this, Tesco V. That's a reservoir dogs guy.
	Anthropology again, no idea where this comes from.
	It's Batman is Alfred E. Newman.
	More garbage.
	I made this toy with vice.
	Peewee Herman doll.
	My mother-in-law bought it for my son.
	You understand what I'm saying?
	I'm going to come.
	I don't want shit.
	You're so young.
	You still go, oh my God, a package.
	I see a package, I want to just throw it in the garbage.
	The only thing I like is Budweiser.
	I do like shoes.
	But even those stupid turduckens I bought, like non-converse shoes start to change shape.
	Like, what shoes do the Beastie Boys love?
	Those gazelles?
	Those Adidas gazelles?
	They do look cool on the first week, and then they start turning into ballerina slippers.
	They start morphing.
	And these fucking turduckens I have now, yeah, those things are fucking awesome the first week.
	And then they turn into ballerina slippers.
	But my stupid Nike, whatever they are, vintage Jerry Jordans, they're all like lumpy and shapeless now.
	Chucks maintain their shape until they die.
	And be a bit of a double.
	So if you're an adult male and you're looking for shoes outside of red wings and wingtips, then just get some white chucks.
	White chucks and white fucks.
	That's the secret to America's future.
	757, you're on the line.
	It says thank you for my service.
	Michael Hagisman.
	Hey, so I have emailed you a few times.
	You've read my emails about my college, you know, completely falling to PC culture, even though it's a Confederate base originally, but then turned into like, you know, modern-day military school.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	If you have a follow-up.
	Are you the college where the guy had to step down?
	Right.
	Correct.
	Yeah, because the blacks there were saying they make us do push-ups all the time.
	They're mean.
	They must be racist.
	Yeah, it's gotten bad.
	I mean, it's across all the branches now.
	I mean, I just saw an article the other day.
	It was like talking about a National Guard, a black National Guardsman had to carry a heavy chain around his neck and who was saying that it was like cruel and unusual punishment and racism and stuff.
	But that's like typical.
	Can I just interrupt you here?
	Can I just interrupt you?
	I resent this caricature that we, and when I say we, I guess I don't just mean white people.
	I mean like normal Americans are like, well, look here.
	We got a Negro at our fucking school.
	Let's get a big ass chain.
	And I'm sorry to do a Southern accent, but it's part of the parody.
	Let's get a big ass chain.
	No, I mean, I was going to a Southern school.
	It was, you know.
	Let's get a big ass chain on this motherfucker and have him walk.
	That's it, boy.
	Run around, boy.
	Like, that's insulting to me that these people think that these people exist.
	It's sort of like when I see a Black Lives Matter face mask at, like, you know, not a radical left rally, but like at my local bar.
	And I'm like, oh, so you're saying that I don't think Black Lives Matter?
	Fuck you.
	You just insulted me.
	Yeah, I tried to go to this bourbon bar the other day that my wife found because it was like bourbon and burgers.
	And I was like, oh, that sounds sweet.
	And they had like signs outside that was like, we here believe that Black Lives Matter, feminism is for everyone.
	Science is science.
	And what was the other sign they had out there?
	It was like.
	Love is real.
	We won't give you love is love.
	No humans are illegal.
	Imagine you went to a bar and it said out front, you better not want to fuck kids because we don't fuck kids in here.
	And you're like, fuck you.
	Is it called Repeal?
	What's that?
	Is the bar called Repeal?
	The Speakeasy Burger Bourbon?
	No, it's called The Oak.
	And it was in like Durham, North Carolina.
	And I also wanted to say, hey, Gavin, if you end up settling somewhere in the North Carolina, Tennessee area, if you wanted to check out some cool Air Force stuff, I can get you on base on the low-low, even though now we're having to go through all this extremism training.
	And basically, like, if you have any type of strong patriotism towards the United States, well, the United States is bad.
	So we had to go through like this whole day where we stood down where it was like talking about how any kind of political or patriotism is now considered extremist.
	They actually mentioned Proud Boy several times.
	No way.
	Well, they're doing a great job of weeding out extremists.
	And that's what we saw in Fort Worth, where the Muslim radical was unquestioned because no one wanted to offend him or get in trouble.
	And then what did he kill?
	14 people?
	Yeah, I mean, he went on an absolute rampage.
	And he was already flagged for showing signs of extremism and specifically Muslim extremism.
	And they were just like, well, he might have some trauma from combat.
	No, he was just like, oh, no.
	I totally think that we're fighting a false war.
	And I just need to just kill these people because, you know, whatever narrative is getting pushed out.
	But yeah, it's getting crazy, man.
	Like, everybody's walking on eggshells.
	Like, I'm in a fighter pilot community, and they're mostly frat boys.
	But every time, like, we kind of have a big wig, like, I'm starting to see majors and colonels with their pronouns and their signature blocks and stuff trying to virtue signature.
	So you're a fighter pilot?
	No, so I work with fighter pilots and I'm like an intelligence guy.
	And it's like we're kind of like they kind of like accept us as one of their own, even though we don't actually fly, but we try to give them the stuff they need to know so they don't get shot out of the sky.
	But even though the fighter pilot heritage is like very fratty, everybody's not PCs.
	It's like a first name basis.
	Everybody's got a call sign.
	So you either call them by their first name, you call them by some nickname that they have.
	But it's starting to get to the point now where they're basically having to like these guys.
	I mean, you think of like Tom, yeah, Tom Cruise and like fucking Top Gun, like how it's just like, you know, these cool guys are wearing like the pit viper glasses and everything.
	But nowadays, it's just basically like, um, excuse me, like, I just want to make sure that I'm getting your pronouns correctly.
	I'm like, dude, you're supposed to fucking kill people.
	Like, why are you worried about this?
	The way I survive roller coasters or any kind of ride with my kids, if I feel like I'm in over my head, is I pretend I'm a jet fighter pilot.
	And I go, ah!
	But that's just trying to hold on to the fucking roller coaster.
	That's not like checking your coordinates and like going from an F3X42 to a 9XR2B.
	You know your stuff.
	Yeah, we give them a lot of shit because they always try to put work on us as the Intel guys.
	But the amount of workload and training they have to go through is absolutely insane.
	A lot of my college buddies, I've actually got a couple who are stationed at my base that are pilots now.
	The amount of stuff they have to memorize, I don't understand.
	I have to do a decent amount for my job, but these guys are on a whole different level.
	They're fucking pushy.
	These guys must get.
	I feel sorry for their dicks.
	Their dicks must look like Freddy's face.
	No, it's insane.
	It's insane.
	Like, I mean, I'm happily married now.
	I actually called back, geez, right before the pandemic hit, I was called in hammered, and I was like talking about the, what is it, the poor man's Viagra and stuff.
	Those guys must be so drenched in pussy.
	Like, how do they even stay married?
	They must have women waiting to blow them even before the plane is stopped.
	No, it's insane.
	And then, like, I mean, the Air Force has been putting in like extra incentives and stuff to keep them in.
	But, like, they're like pretty much like if the Air Force, for whatever reason, doesn't like give them like crazy buku dollars, like, the commercial, you know, companies are like, we'll give you, like, $200,000 to fly like fucking Spirit Airlines.
	So they're like, oh, I don't have to deal with all this other bullshit.
	Like, you know, like the military puts me through.
	And then, like, I can just literally just fly a glorified bus and make like three times the money.
	But yeah, pilots are cool as shit.
	Where do they fuck girls?
	Where do they meet these girls?
	Like, is there local bars off base?
	Is that where they, like an officer and a gentleman?
	Literally anywhere.
	I mean, it's people in the Air Force, it's people outside the Air Force.
	I mean, they just walk around and they literally start off like, hey, I'm a pilot.
	It's pretty much just like they're drowning in it.
	It's ridiculous, but they're all great guys.
	You know, they put up with a lot of stuff and they work their asses off and they get paid a lot of money for it.
	But I don't think there's been anyone else I've met through my very short spent in the military that are like just really nice down-to-earth dudes, but they're starting to just the higher ups, you know, like don't fuck say fuck cops,
	fuck the cops bosses.
	It's the same way with the military.
	It's like some of the bosses are starting to get into like the PC stuff.
	Now, before we hang up on you, I know this is a taboo question, but what percentage of the gentlemen you're speaking of who pilot these fighter jets are white males?
	I would say the grand majority of them.
	I mean, the ones that I've kind of percentage.
	Now, if you break down white to like Italians and like, you know, good old southern boys.
	No, no, that's all white.
	That's all white.
	Jews are white.
	We have like a good amount of black guys, too, though.
	What percentage are black?
	Imagine just like, we got a lot.
	There's like three of them.
	I would say it's roughly around like 2%.
	Maybe like one.
	It depends on like what aircraft they're flying and like what branch they're in.
	But like the Air Force is definitely like a lot of like white fellers.
	Okay.
	There's nothing wrong with that.
	What percentage Asian?
	We actually have a decent amount of Asian dudes.
	Actually, where I was going to school, the one I had talked about before, like a lot of, we had a lot of Asian dudes, but we would actually commission people from other countries.
	Like we would actually commission people from Taiwan.
	What percentage Asian?
	You said 1% black, 1% Asian?
	What do you mean?
	Like 1% guys you know, it's maybe 1%.
	Okay.
	And then women?
	I have met probably four out of like 250 just at my base alone.
	Okay, so we're below one.
	Okay.
	Interesting, man.
	Thanks for calling.
	Colorful.
	Colorful call.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Hey, if you're in North Carolina, I can freak out.
	Check you out, dude.
	Why are you blowing me up, Brian?
	That wasn't the attention.
	I saw King Kong and a bunch of other cool effects here.
	Well, wouldn't that be funny if you got fired for that?
	You just blew me up.
	You're fired.
	I accidentally blew up my boss.
	What do you mean, you killed him?
	No, I do a video show, and I did a green screen thing, and I aimed guns at him.
	He was drunk, but he got really, really mad at him.
	I did shoot him multiple times with different guns.
	When I was at Sonny's gas station in Bridalwood, Ontario, outside of Canada, I did two shifts at the gas station because the other guy didn't show up.
	And instead of writing eight hours in the timesheet, I wrote 16 fucking hours.
	Oh, no.
	And I got fired for putting fucking in the timesheet.
	Yeah, any good.
	I like how you take their side.
	Yeah, you fucked up.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's not cool.
	Don't do that.
	They're trying to record timesheets, and they don't need the F-word in there.
	So, yeah, no.
	There's no time sheets for that.
	Um you don't have to go home, but you can't go here.
	By the way, yeah, chains have been around for since the 1600s, and black people have been around since people were invented.
	And the only thing we can glean from black person plus chains equals slavery is quite sad.
	DDP445 has contributor mic.
	Hey, what's up?
	I've got a great contributor for you guys.
	Contribute TV grows and becomes big conglomerate additive.
	Just got DDP445 as a YouTube gadget.
	Check it out.
	You got a lot in common.
	Thanks for calling.
	Check out EDP45.
	I mean, I'm the guy from that Tina Faze show.
	The gay guy.
	You know, with the redhead news.
	And I fucking hate living in motherfucking apartments.
	You know what I mean?
	I mean, nosy motherfuckers, you know?
	If I'm not being fucked with and being interrupted, trying to knock out motherfucking cameos, trying to bullshit, you know what I mean?
	Just trying to fucking lay down, get some fucking sleep, there's nosy ass motherfuckers looking at me and shit, out their fucking blinds and shit, you know what I mean?
	Window all wide the fuck open and shit, you know.
	And motherfuckers think that they fucking slick, you know what I mean?
	Well, window not wide open, but you know, because that would give the purpose away of trying to be sneaky, right?
	But motherfuckers think that you don't fucking see them and shit.
	Peeking out the minition blinds and shit, you know what I mean?
	I love going to the fucking shooting range, my nigga.
	I love getting the fuck out the house, working up on my craft, you know what I mean?
	Bullshit and shooting the shit.
	And every so often, you get these nosy ass motherfuckers, man.
	They act like they never seen a fucking rifle case before.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like, what the fuck are you looking at?
	You know what I mean?
	It's like...
	Yeah, dude, I know exactly what you're saying.
	I live in dick sucking punk ass beds.
	That's me nuts.
	But I live in the suburbs.
	In fact, I get ogled more in the suburbs probably because I'm well known in the suburbs in my neighborhood.
	So how many subscribers does he have?
	Well, this is, let's see, 2.23 million.
	Well, if he's not canceled, why would he come over to us?
	Eat that pussy.
	Maybe he is in danger of being cancelled, but maybe when he is canceled, he can come over and eat our pussy.
	What?
	That's it.
	Folks, thanks for tuning in.
	That's two big shows today.
	Fun shows.
	We went over the time limit in both shows.
	And in both cases, I want to tell you to get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	My pants, move these explosions.
	You must make some tips.
	I'm on the top.
	Move these explosions.
	I'm gonna go.
	It's my control, the others fat and cold.
	The second time to stop, the second's coming late, and the stadium's in the dates.
	Homeboys get my mic.
	They've been carrying two to save their lives.
	I know this is what you want, and I'm sorry.
	It'll be your memory you're trying to remember to forget.
	That's true.
	Why?
	Amazing.
	Stay careful.
	Everybody say ten.
	Yeah.

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