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March 25, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
02:05:47
GOML LIVE #91 - YES DAY
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Time Text
That was Ignant Benches.
Ignant Benches.
What song was that?
Angry Lizard Noise.
That is a band that I don't know much about.
I think they're from...
They sound a lot like the Strokes.
Where are they from?
Chulla Vista.
Where's Chulla Vista?
California.
Formed in 2014, San Diego type of area, I think.
But I wanted this different band.
By the way, fucking Ignant Benches.
Awesome.
Great stuff.
But I was calling my daughter to get this band, Hail Mary, she told me about, that plays in Tompkin Square Park, and they go to LaGuardia High.
But I couldn't find them.
And then when I call her, it says calling home for like two minutes.
Yeah.
And then it goes, boop, boop, boop.
Wait, I think I found them.
No, dumbass, you fucking ignorant loser.
They're called Hail Mary.
They go to LaGuardia High School, do they, Duncan?
I mean, fucking Ryan?
Nah.
Probably not her.
No, I don't think that band goes to LaGuardia High.
Well, if they do, they have bad intentions.
Have I got the web password here?
Yeah, I got the right web thing.
What's going on?
Look at that.
Since when can you not call someone?
This is following a string of being banned.
Can you just hit the detective shitty thing, too, just for a second?
I don't see why, but...
Yes, please.
I'm looking for a band who goes to LaGuardia High here in New York City, and you bring up basically my dad and his friends.
Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
We've got an action-packed show for you tonight.
We're going to be taking a lot of calls.
Got a few letters.
It's mostly going to be up the cuff.
We've been tackling a lot of news this week, and I think it hurts the show sometimes when you have too many T's to cross, too many I's to dot, you become obsessed.
So we just want to relax and have some fun.
But part of that fun would be something working.
For example, calling your daughter on your fucking phone.
Why has it been forwarded?
Let me try FaceTime.
It's not like she can have a guitar lesson or something.
Why don't things work?
Maybe she's having a shower.
Teenage girls.
Hey, what was that band, Hail Mary?
Hello, Mary.
It's spelled normal, like Hello Mary?
Yeah, just Hello Mary.
And they go to LaGuardia High.
LaGuardia, yeah.
And they play at Tompkins Square Park all the time?
Yeah.
Okay, you're my least favorite child.
Okay.
Could this be them?
Yeah, that looks like them.
Let me get the readings for tonight.
Brooklyn, New York.
Yeah, they look like high schoolers.
Yeah, Ryan.
That's what high schoolers look like.
They don't look like giant fat pigs and award-winning fishermen.
That band literally looked like the guys that John Taffer hires to recreate the menus.
This is Julie.
She's a former hot topic.
Salmonella.
She was a former hot topic manager.
That's why her hair is purple, right?
Those girls.
You always know that he's fucking them, too.
You think so?
Oh, yeah.
Like, you know, there's that hotel rescue show?
And the guy's like a short little Italian bald guy.
And he's always like, this is my number one girl.
She shows me how to revamp a hotel and she's a genius.
And you're like, huh.
So you're both single.
You're out there in Hawaii revamping a hotel for a week.
And you're bald and powerful, which means you want to catch up on the pussy you didn't get when you weren't powerful because you're bald and short.
And she's like, whatever.
This could lead to something.
This is the guy.
I guarantee it won't be, Detective Shitty.
Resort Rescue.
Not Hail Mary.
Hello, Mary.
I have to just de-old man what you're talking about.
Remember the election?
So while you're gloating about how right you are, it is not called Resort Rescue.
Well, Hotel Rescue I'm looking for.
Maybe Hotel Hell or something.
It's a little bald Italian.
Yes.
He's from New York.
He's really, it's a fucking great show.
He's really good at his job.
And you're watching it going, yeah, you do need to fix the carpets here, motherfucker.
Your hotel's disgusting.
And you have crackheads fucking each other.
He's right, the little bald man.
Before we get started, while you try to find that show, bald guy, Italian hotel revamp thing.
Definitely hotel.
Hotel rescue, I'm pretty sure it's called.
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Thanks, Tactical Walls.
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And again, I use my Tactical Wall shelf.
I move a little military vet over and the thing plops down and out comes, in my case, beer and whiskey.
Did you find the show yet?
No, I've been showing Tactical Walls.
Look at the...
What do you think of the brand new bumper?
Not the bumper.
That's a fun bumper.
Hey, Tactical Walls.
Look at the bumper.
Hotel Rescue Hell.
Hotel Hell?
No.
Hotel Hell is Ramsey.
That's Ramsey.
So Hotel Rescue was my original idea.
And then I look in the images.
There he is.
Travel channels.
I got there in one second.
Hotel Impossible is that.
Hotel Impossible.
And his name is Anthony Melchiori.
And every time you see a woman on that show, you're like, you guys fuck.
Oh, I've seen that little guy.
No, you fucked.
And I think sometimes they fuck the rescuee.
Like, not Gordon Ramsey, although he was caught cheating on his wife.
But like, that guy's there.
He's saving the hotel.
They're vulnerable.
If the wife is single, he's fucking.
It's funny because you watch these shows and you're like, yeah, obviously.
Clean the shit off.
There's fucking roaches on the ground.
Look how disgusting that is and how unsafe that is.
Look at this carpet.
It probably hasn't been vacuumed in 10 years.
Look, there's some kind of hair there.
Looks like crap on the floor.
Look at the wall.
Look how filthy the wall is.
Look at the screw sticking out.
Look at the walls.
Look at the screws.
The screws.
What the hell is that there for?
What's that?
A nail?
That is fucked up.
A screw sticking out.
Who's the contractor?
Who's the fucking illegal Mexican who screwed in that four-inch screw and just went, it's okay.
I'll just leave it like that.
That's for good luck.
I wasn't peto ficia outside.
But here's the problem with all these rescue shows, and they always are fucked after, by the way.
All of these bars, all these restaurants, these hotels they fix, they end up bankrupt like two years after Gordon Ramsey leaves.
Two years.
Fucking six months.
And it's because how'd that place get to that position in the first place?
Because the people clearly don't care.
So when you're at home and you're like, yeah, why is there a screw sticking out?
That's you putting your brain in their head.
They're assholes.
It's like when you see a bum and you're like, dude, wash dishes.
You can get like 60 bucks a day.
By the way, I'm promoting our shirts here.
When Trump does follow through or doesn't do, would follow through the exact opposite, Biden.
And I'm especially proud of these shirts because you see them, someone else sees them and they go, oh, a fellow Biden fan.
Awesome.
I love Joe Biden too.
No, I don't.
He has no homie.
He's a fucking retard.
I like that one a lot.
Yeah, on first glance, they're like ally.
I have something to tell you.
Me or the audience.
It's very intense.
One, my idea was ripped off for Kids' Day.
Remember I told you about Kids' Day?
I emailed you this, I believe.
Many years ago, I talked about a thing I've been doing for a long time called Kids' Day, where I allow kids free reign.
Go nuts.
It's their rules.
It's Lord of the Flies.
You want to kill Piggy with the conch shell?
Go ahead, brain him with the rocks.
They eat candy all day.
They have candy cereal for dinner.
They get sick.
They puke.
They watch movies till around 1 a.m. and then fall asleep on the floor in their pants.
They don't even put on their pajamas.
They don't brush their teeth.
The next day is a write-off.
They feel sick.
They're exhausted from the night before.
And I have to pick up the pieces and show them how stupid it is when I let them handle the show.
So that was my idea, Kids' Day, long time ago.
And it's an effective way to show kids that their lives would not be better if they were in control.
So Hollywood is a bunch of lazy Jewish gays.
Just kidding.
It's a bunch of lazy Jews.
Just kidding.
A bunch of lazy gays.
Just kidding.
It's a bunch of gaysy Jews.
And they have no ideas.
They're not creative people.
Everyone in LA sucks.
Let's cut the shit here, right?
They're not good.
People in LA, I'm not saying they're not good people.
They're not good.
They just suck.
They're fat losers, really.
Right?
Or TriCaster is already overheating 10 minutes into the show.
We're getting better equipment.
And yes, I'm cheap.
And yes, I apologize for that.
Anyway, Netflix has a show with Jennifer Garner, Gardner, whatever her name is.
She's very, very attractive woman.
Too attractive.
Not our cup of tea.
You know how we hate hot chicks on this show.
She's got cow catcher chin, chiseled features, mile-high cheekbones.
That sure has taken you a long time to get ice from the freezer of a fridge that is next to your desk.
What's that about?
And why is it overheating only when we do the live shows?
Because it's now streaming also.
Instead of just recording.
Did you blast it with some compressed air to get the fuzz out?
There's no fuzz.
How do you know there's no fuzz?
Because I can see it.
No, you can't.
It's inside the machine.
I'm going to order some more of that.
Wait, you're gone.
It's done?
Yeah.
You used up all the compressed air.
Yes.
Really?
Yeah.
I find that hard to believe.
I did.
Okay.
Gotta get a bigger can.
Anyway, so Netflix has this show out called, it's Kids' Day, but it's called Yes Day.
And it shows you the quality of programming in America has finally reached Canadian levels.
Maybe even European levels.
It is physically painful to watch this film.
Now, my kids have the same standards as me as far as my 14-year-old and my 12-year-old.
But my 8-year-old, he wants to see a silly movie.
He likes, you know, silly gamer YouTubers.
So the family should take a hit once in a while and watch a movie that he likes.
Nickelodeon level shittiness.
Stop, stop, stop.
But I don't know.
There's a lot of shit that he likes, like Japanese cartoons like Totoro that I can totally handle or Goonies.
There's a lot of shit.
All the Muppet movies.
I can name a thousand things that he likes that I can tolerate.
This was fucking AIDS.
Oh my God.
I don't know if you have a dick as big as mine, but sometimes when I have sex with women, they will have to do breathing exercises.
Like they're giving birth.
I was literally doing breathing exercises.
It's like I was getting fucked by me.
Like I was listening.
I was, the movie was there, and I don't want my son to see me, my youngest boy, because I don't want to shit on something.
Because of course, if I go, this sucks, it's so corny.
He's going to want to be cool, right?
And be like, yeah, totally blows, man.
I hate the thing that you guys hate.
I don't like this.
I'm not the only loser in the family.
So you can't do that.
But I had to sit there and go.
About 10 times.
I felt pressure on my chest.
I felt physical pressure on my chest.
It felt like sparring.
Or you know, after you have a big long cry, like say your nana dies, and afterwards your eyes feel kind of salty and you feel this sort of like catharsis in your chest.
That's how I felt after.
Like I felt I had been through the ringer.
I felt like I had been through something traumatic and intense.
It's so fucking, and I'm reluctant to use the word gay because it's way beyond gay.
It's so shitty and derivative and corny and badly acted.
As my daughter point out, she goes, there was just no love in it.
That's what my friend of my brother said about my mom's cooking one particularly bad night where she'd had maybe a few wines, too many wines, and the dinner was inedible.
And my brother goes, it's just, there's no love in it.
There's no love in this food.
It's just like churned out.
And this movie, it hits all the things.
It's like someone held a gun to someone's head and said, make Gavin's Kids' Day a movie, but make the husband Hispanic so we can cross off the diversity thing.
And then just make it all about how kids rock.
The only way I survived this film was to mentally go, wait a minute, this is what America is.
We gave them Kids' Day.
They wanted socialism.
We gave them socialism.
They want anyone but Trump.
We gave them anyone but Trump.
They want to defund the police.
We defunded the police.
Essentially, what we're living in right now is Kids' Day.
It is a disaster.
And it is a disaster.
All right, play, I guess, the trailer.
If there's one thing I've learned from being a mom, it's that parents and kids always disagree on one thing.
No, no, no.
Rules.
But saying no 50 times an hour is actually good.
Absolutely not.
Nope on a rope.
It's part of the job.
But all of that is about to change.
Have you heard about parents say yes to everything their kids ask for for 24 hours?
Radical!
How am I just cheering them?
Someone stole a bestseller from me?
And mom and dad are like fun killers.
We are plenty fun.
We have plenty fun.
To say yes to everything.
We can be fun again.
Really?
Let's do this.
I believe it!
Mexican.
Yes, Day!
It's ready for yesterday!
Oh, he wants to do your hair and makeup.
I have a vision.
Okay, this trailer's really good.
I'm glad you're using your watercolors.
What do we do?
In the car wash.
What?
Why?
And by the way, the kids have all arranged for everyone to have a change of clothes.
Oh, and this, the water balloon scene, they tricked everyone by saying on a Craigslist side that there's going to be this water balloon reality show that's going to be super sexy.
So they got everyone to come out.
Why they all have their own uniforms, I don't know.
And the guy with the shitty teeth, I kept staring at him going, I feel like I know you.
And then I realized, I know you.
It's Dave English from Jackass.
That's why his teeth are so shitty.
It's the only time you see shitty teeth in a Hollywood movie.
Go back a bit.
This is going to be awesome.
There.
That's the Jackass dude.
No, no, no, no.
I know who you're talking about.
Dave England.
Oh, am I wrong?
Yeah, no, he's a bad teeth guy in a lot of different things.
But he looks very...
Because when I brought it up with my family, everyone went, oh, yeah!
He was very similar looking.
He was so smart, Gavin.
Nailed it again.
He's very similar looking.
It's not Dave England.
You're right.
But that looks, I mean, that definitely a dead ringer, but.
So who's that guy?
And what is with his teeth?
He's been in some commercials and shit.
He's got terrible teeth.
Not that I give a shit on it.
I don't think you should fix your teeth.
But it's just alarming when you're the only one who doesn't.
What's his name?
Nat Faxon.
Oof.
Yeah.
Oh, he's the diary of.
No, so he's a Captain Underpants guy.
Nat Faxon.
I got to kind of hand it to him.
It is kind of cool to keep your shitty teeth.
Yeah.
They are alarming, though.
Aren't they?
Yes.
As a man with perfect teeth, I shun this man.
Yeah, they're not even close to as bad as yours.
The rest of them is handsome.
Breathtaking.
Well.
Anyway, I like to request shitty movies like Dorman.
I think you should watch The Doorman with your friends.
Do not watch this.
You cannot handle it.
I can't handle it.
I'm still kind of shaking.
That makes you want to.
Oh, womp.
I hit my nuts.
And then he fell.
Like, look how far he just fell.
That's a bunk bed.
Is that Mark Ruffalo?
He's a knockoff, okay.
No.
I can't believe I let you fool me into thinking that you changed it.
Wait, stop.
Is that Mark Ruffalo?
I actually haven't been looking at the screen.
I've been looking for David University.
You got to play the detective shitty thing.
Okay.
But look at this.
This is a terrible Netflix straight to video, as it were.
And the guy who plays the Hulk maybe would not be the...
One of the most successful actors in the world would probably not be the guy we're looking for.
Okay.
Not the droids we're looking for.
Holy shit, though.
It was grim.
I hate to be a party pooper, but I'm a party poop.
I hate to be a party pooper.
And then they had little weird little Peruvian.
I like what all these mixed race couples now.
For the kids, they just get any mixed race kids.
So they'll have like a mulatto, a fucking Peruvian.
Just not white.
Just a Korean.
That scene made no sense.
She gets arrested for this and goes to prison.
Stand still, please.
Oh.
Oh, can I do that again?
Get ready, Bolsonaro.
Oh, God, it was torture.
Torture.
Is that Oprah?
Wait.
No, wait, can you hit the Detective Shitty?
Yes, I will.
I will.
But wait.
It's a 19-year-old girl?
Oh.
I mean, they play that shit so fast, you would think that's OpenShift.
No, well, if you're Detective Shitty, yeah, sure.
So can you click the Detective Shitty, please?
Wait, we're not seeing it.
We're just hearing shit sounds.
We'll play it again.
Hope you don't have anything private on your desktop.
I don't think so.
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I'll pay for it, by the way.
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So I want that.
I'm not even sure how you do this.
I get a shot, and then I can't get back in for another hour.
So I can do a shot an hour at the most.
And maybe there's a limit where I get three shots a night.
Because I can't handle my liquor.
I'm remembering from pre-Lent days.
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So there must be a way where you can delegate it and then you can't get any more.
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Again, to the guy who writes the ad copy.
In the year 2021, you do not need to write out www.
That has been superfluous, I would say, since 1999.
What do you think, Ryan?
I wouldn't shop for compressed air while we're doing a show.
About that.
That would be maybe something you write a note to do later and not while we're fucking live.
Well, it's done, so.
Also in the news, I was having a discussion with my wife this morning.
And I thought the kids were gone.
They weren't in the house.
I was wrong.
And we invest in commercial real estate occasionally.
And we were talking about some renovations to a property that were getting so expensive, we're like, is this going to make the money back?
I mean, if you put in five grand into painting and getting new shelves and shit, you're going to make 20 grand in the resale.
If you spend $500,000 making everything gold-plated, you might even hurt the property because people go, I don't know, they have gold shelves.
And this isn't my cup of tea.
We just want it as an office space.
So we're talking about that sort of a region.
And I go, I don't know, just this is not really my thing.
I like the big stuff.
As far as cosmetics, That's you.
And she's like, well, wait, come here, come here.
She keeps telling me to come back into the room.
And I'm like, okay, well, can you call him and see if there's a cheaper version, a vinyl version?
Okay, I will.
And I go, all right, then fine.
I mean, I just think our budget should have been this, and now we're at that.
But whatever you think.
And I start leaving.
She goes, wait, come in.
We're not done.
Get in here.
Do you want to blow me?
I'm thinking.
Right, right.
This bitch wants to fucking smoke the hug.
Which does not happen, by the way.
And I don't just mean my wife.
I mean married couples.
Your wife isn't constantly drooling, thinking about blowing you.
We're constantly drooling, thinking about eating out our wives.
Like fucking, what's his name?
Fred from Brooklyn at Kumia's party.
He goes, been married 30 years.
I'd like to eat her out right now.
And he, they married late.
So they were basically 60.
Married at 30.
Actually, that's earlier than I married my wife.
So I'm thinking, like, I think there's a, and then this is what gets weird with your brain.
And all men's brains are like this.
Our dick starts going, no, no, no.
You got something here, my friend.
She's dying to blow you.
That's why she keeps inviting you back in the room.
And you're like, I know, right?
Because I thought that was weird.
I don't usually handle cosmetics and like kitchens and shelving and, you know, carpets and stuff.
I just buy the property, sell the property.
Why are we spending so much time on aesthetics?
Unless.
Homeboy's gonna like get it.
Unless homeboy's gonna like get it.
So then I take it away from the front room and into the living room.
And then I, my dick got me even crazier.
And I've done this before.
And the response when I did this last time was like crying.
Uh-oh.
This was like 20 years ago.
But for some reason, this, it's ironic that he's not the asshole because he's the asshole.
The front part goes, just like sit down, maybe like pull it out.
And I was smart enough to know that doesn't work because of the tears 20 years ago.
But I'm just like.
So now we're in the living room and she keeps wanting to talk about these renovations.
And she's wearing like she just worked out on her Peloton.
So she's got her hair up, but she's got Lululemons on, which is normally not like very presentable.
Not that us men give a shit.
So then I go, I tried this.
We've all been there, married men.
I go, do you want to come here?
She goes, what?
I didn't mention blowjobs because that's a stretch.
Usually you just like, if intercourse is possible, you're probably going to get a beach.
So I go, do you want to get over here?
Do you want to come here?
She goes, what?
I got to walk the dog.
And she pointed out our daughter's upstairs.
I didn't realize she was upstairs.
I thought, see, that's how brainwashed I was.
I thought that the reason you were flirting is because it was one of those rare instances where there was no kids in the house.
She goes, I have to walk the dog.
I got to go pick up our youngest boy.
What are you talking about?
And then I realized there was not a snowball's chance in the house that I was going to get a BJ.
It was not.
I will eat your ass.
No one was remotely considering it.
No way, Jose.
Not a possibility.
What the fuck was I thinking?
And it reminded me of that chick who I think may have the sprinkles, one of the few funny people in the world, in the movie 22 Jump Street, which I think is the sequel to 21 Jump Street, which sucks as a movie.
It's all gay jokes.
It's all like fucking, yeah, you big fag, you probably want to fuck me, which is how us dudes talk to each other, and it's fun when we're talking to each other.
Yeah, you're dying to blow me, dude.
I want to fuck you so bad.
But outside of like the individuals doing that joke, it's not really something you want to like pay money for and get popcorn and watch two guys doing gay jokes to each other, which is 99% of 22 Jumpstreet.
But at the end of the movie, Jonah Hill catches whatever her name is and Jillian something.
Do you know her name?
It's about right.
Oh, you texted it to me.
What, it's on your watch?
My texts are on your watch.
Yes.
That's not right.
Jillian Bell.
Jillian Bell, that's morally wrong that you're checking my texts on your watch.
But anyway.
2000, whatever it is.
Jillian Bell is a drug dealer at a college, and Jonah Hill is an undercover cop, and he catches her, and he's chasing her to beat her up and arrest her, whatever, chasing her to beat her up.
And as he's chasing her, she keeps stopping the fight and saying, are we doing this right now?
Are we fucking?
And I thought, that's so much of my sex life, not just with my wife, but before I was married, how I'd be like, I think this is about to go down.
And I was 90% of the time wrong.
It's quiet.
Yeah, no, it's quiet for me.
It was 90% quiet when I thought it was going down.
But let's just overcome.
You were sitting on a shelf.
Like, nobody was smashing your button.
No one was smashing the subscribe button.
No.
My cock was not fire.
The bell was not hit.
Like, nobody want that shit.
That shit and deal.
Get up, old man Ripper.
Come on.
Get up and hit me, you fucking pussy.
I'm not gonna fight a girl, so just stop.
Shouldn't matter.
If you thought of me as a person instead of a woman, you would hit me and not feel bad about it.
Oh, bring it.
Time now, dog.
Girl fight.
Oh my god.
Is there blood in my head?
What are you doing?
Fucking motherfucker to hit.
This is the best part of the movie.
No!
What?
No!
What were you doing?
What am I doing?
You tried to kiss me!
I tried to kiss you!
Yes, you did!
You're so weird!
You're fucking Mr. and Mrs. Smithing me!
Mr. and Mrs. Smithing, this wasn't a sexy fight!
Oh, but you haven't wanted to kiss me the whole time!
I never once wanted to kiss you!
Never!
No!
You just shit!
Facebook!
Stop trying!
You keep trying!
I never tried to kiss you!
You gave me kissed me, eyes!
No, you did!
The eyes were eyes!
I just got punched in the face eyes!
They weren't kissed me on!
I don't even like you!
Neither do I!
Just stop kissing me!
Okay!
No, you're leaning in again!
No, but we were gonna punch your cat!
You're making it so uncomfortable.
Just this is the most uncomfortable fist fight I've ever been in.
I'm gonna give you an out by punching you in the face, okay?
And then we're gonna go back to fighting, and we'll pretend this never happens.
Are you kidding me?
It's plastic.
Doesn't even work.
How about this, you little funch?
You're good, eh?
She's such a shitty movie.
She didn't have the movie.
Oh, here we go again.
Violence.
Are we gonna fuck?
Is that what's happening right now?
That was my morning and it was not happening.
You're ding-dong in two pieces.
Oh, I want you to hit me so bad right now.
Just fing hit me.
Get out of here, you pussy.
Yes, ma'am.
Here.
Yes, yes, ma'am.
That's girls at protest.
Just hit me.
Yeah, that's a real trend now.
Yeah.
Like, that's a joke, and it's funny.
It may actually be a parody of this pattern, but there's these girls out now that are like writing fucking Yelp reviews.
Fuck this place is for fucking Nazis.
And they're going up to people, men on the street.
You're a fucking fascist.
Me, I'm talking about mostly.
But it reminds me of Nicole Dufrine, D-U-F-R-E-S-N-E, where she was getting robbed by Rudy.
She was a woman I knew at Max Fish in the early yachts.
She's getting robbed by Rudy Fleming, Puerto Rican who took his uncle's handgun to go out robbing one night.
And he goes, just give me your money, which you should.
And she goes, what the fuck are you going to do?
Shoot me?
And laughed in his face.
She was kind of the beginning.
This is a 20-year-old phenomenon.
She was the beginning of these chicks who are like, fuck you, bitch.
I'll kick your ass.
Because they watch movies, I guess.
And he shot her through the chest.
That was him complaining that he had a stomachache when he was arrested.
I think he's out of jail by now.
But I feel like saying to these girls, yes, you are cunts, and it is annoying.
But I'm not going to shoot you through the chest.
I'm just going to roll my eyes and think you have a bad father.
But you keep up this shitty attitude, and you get robbed, and someone's going to die, and it's going to be you.
All right.
That's enough chattering for free.
We thank tacticalwalls.com.
We thank jacbd.com, Johnny Appleseed.
But we have to go behind the paywall now.
So before I bid you to-do, without further ado.
Oh, wait.
I just said it correctly by accident.
That's the problem with doing joke things.
Like for all, we used to say if it's any constellation, and then I would forget what the real one is, and then I would make fun of for any constellation and say, for any constellation, mocking the real one.
But then I had two negatives make a positive and I was back to the real one.
Anyway, without further to do, we must give, we must bid adieu to you and say, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
I have something else controversial to do.
Who's Ethan?
I don't know that dude.
Ethan Klein, H3H3?
No.
I'm going to call someone.
No, I shouldn't do that.
A barmaid I know, she got this chiropractor to do a once-over on her, and she pushed in her health card, and it didn't work because it doesn't work.
And so he did the service, and she's not paying him.
And then he comes to the bar because he's a regular, and he's like, hey, can I get either the insurance or the money?
And she's like, will you just drop it?
And then he goes, look, I don't feel like coming here anymore.
Because I'm uncomfortable.
Because she went to the owner.
He's stalking me.
The owner knows the regular.
So how about this?
Ready for this?
Hey.
Long story short, okay?
I have to run my own local sometimes.
Long story short, I will pay you $100 to apologize to, let's call him Joey, but he's not if the money goes directly to Joey.
Should work.
All right, what else should we do?
Well, we need a follow-up on that.
Well, she's going to text me back.
Okay.
She never doesn't have her phone like all women.
Did you see that cringe video?
It was the former VP of Media Matters.
And she put out this video where she's singing about how great it is to be in Biden's America.
And it's, I think the internet unanimously agrees it's the most cringy thing that's ever been put online.
But the weird thing about it is, you're watching it going, oh, this is about to get good.
This is about to be a song.
It never becomes a song.
It's just a woman singing words.
And it even has that musical like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dumb, because you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
And she's such a girl, but you know she won't.
And this is going to rhyme, and it's in time, and it's a normal thing.
It's in a chorus to do.
You know what it's from, though?
That's Little Mermaid.
Oh, it's from The Little Mermaid.
Yeah, yeah.
But does the Little Mermaid song rhyme?
Yeah.
But she did it justice as far as she was.
The only time he ever has any knowledge on this show is when it's a children's movie.
Tons of people know what that's from.
Wrong.
Not wrong.
Tons of children.
I was a child when that did come out, correct?
But now I'm an adult.
Okay, that's supposed to remember.
Sorry, Ryan.
I'm sorry.
Coincidentally, every time you have knowledge on the show and you're not Detective Shitty, it involves a children's movie.
Zoinks, that's crazy.
I believe it's Zoinks.
Zoinks!
Whoa, Scoob.
I wish.
Competent leaders getting us back on our feet.
The American re has lagging.
It has almost everything.
A year into this mess, recovering.
So it's of the mermaid?
Yeah, it is of the little mermaid.
Does the little mermaid have, is their song this shitty?
No, it's pretty shitty.
Does it rhyme?
This doesn't rhyme.
You notice she has her phone in her hand the whole time.
Because she must look at the line and say, okay, action.
Action, Olsen.
Wonders can one rescue plan hold?
Reading it over, you'd think.
Really?
No Republicans voted for this thing.
Her crazy eyes.
Yeah, it's so gross.
It's just spending money like money's magic, you fucking bitch.
I feel like I could smell her through the screen.
These are the women that make my life hell.
These are my archenemies.
Boomer Angry Woman Liberals.
Voted for this thing.
It's got direct relief to American families.
It's got a path to reopen our schools.
Cost of childcare?
Tax credits, baby.
It's like they care.
It's a big f deal.
But wait, there's more.
Okay, now start the song.
Now have rhyming and a chorus.
Don't you want to be where the people are?
Goes back to the beginning.
Don't you want to go, wanna go out dancing?
Do you like the dance at least?
Having combos.
Yes, I love the dance.
Does she stand on Lego?
Was that the joke?
Yeah, she kind of steps on a little leggy.
No, I don't think there was a Lego joke.
Well, there is stuff on the floor.
I know, that's a coincidence.
Oh, I see.
Called again.
This is how gays seem to be.
Oh, yeah.
Friends.
Some folks thought they were going to be able to open them bars, but good strategy is required to reopen the vaccine.
Good strategy.
A year of waiting.
Oh, they love the vaccine.
I saw Amy Siskin on Twitter saying, I felt like a little kid on Christmas Eve last night.
I couldn't sleep.
So excited for the vaccine.
I'm so excited.
Look, I don't really have a strong opinion on the vaccine.
I'm not getting it.
I'll let everyone else get it.
Same.
I let everyone else get the iPhone.
I think you should have the iPhone.
It's probably a good phone.
But I'll let you get it and iron out the kinks.
Thanks.
I've been out and about, shitty with the mask for a year now.
Haven't got it.
I constantly pour alcohol down my gullet and I work out every day.
So I'm in good shape on the outside.
On the inside, it's pure, pickled McInnes.
So maybe those would be my famous last words.
Pickled McGinnis.
Oh, you have a flag in your flag holder, you fucking copy.
There's a BLM sign behind her.
Oh, we have a BLM sign.
She was the former VP of Media Matters.
Can you go to the local black high school and volunteer your time as a tutor to help the kids read?
They'd love your dancing.
They don't need you to write a check.
Their uncle sells crack.
He's got tons of money.
They've all got the newest Air Jordans.
Money's fine, but we just need you to spend some of your actual personal time working with troubled kids in the inner city.
Not singing a song.
This song, the time you spent writing this song could have changed a black child's life forever.
Is that okay?
Could you do that?
I want to go.
Set their lives matter.
Where the crack is sold.
I don't want to go or have them near me.
I just like the concept in theory.
I don't want to go where blacks practice because they're fucking violent and impulsive.
Scary as shit.
That's her singing there.
I'm white and I'll get raped.
Yeah, definitely red wine.
Wait, what's red wine blue?
You are saying now that's my new thing.
Red wine and blue.
Red wine and blue.
You're saying she likes red wine?
That just sums them up, doesn't it?
I just love fucking drinking wine.
Fucking around.
Being a lazy bitch.
Is it a thing?
Meet the ladies of red, wine, and blue.
Is she in there?
Yeah, there she is.
Wait, okay, here.
There she is.
Smiling.
Like penny-wise.
That's a jump scare.
Look at her scary, weird eye reflection.
She's a Terminator.
She can see into your soul.
We're black.
We're white.
We're Asian.
We're Latino.
Okay, so then that's nothing then.
So you just said nothing, basically.
They have way more control over what our family does.
I'm a single mother.
Our voice is a motherfucker.
Don't say shit.
Surprise, surprise.
They have way more control over what our family does.
I'm a single mother.
Our voice and our action is actually going to shift the direction that our country is going in.
That's actually true, though.
Because these suburban cunts, they sway elections.
That's why Justin Trudeau is the Prime Minister of Canada, because these irritating Karens with no political inclination, really, besides he's cute, change the course of countries.
Thanks a lot, 19th Amendment, or whatever one it was that got brought.
There she is.
Unleashed.
Wait, I thought it was red wine.
What's her name?
Katie Parris.
What an annoying name.
Men who are never involved in politics before, you know, of women saying, I'll show you what a suburban mom really is.
If you say suburban housewife, you're in deep trouble.
So what you do is you say, suburban women, they love me.
He is not the kind of person that I want leading the country where I'm raising my family.
They want security and they don't want projects being right next to their house.
He would have us believe that we would be afraid of Biden's America, but it's Trump's America that brings about the violence.
What started in many ways in women's living rooms over glasses of wine has become a movement to want to watch the news every day.
Some of the women who are speaking out for the first time live in very traditionally conservative areas.
Women often feel like, if I don't have every fact, if I haven't done all the research, do I even have a right to speak up?
Oh, you hear that?
That's pretty big.
A lot of women feel insecure about the fact that they know nothing about politics and have never got remotely involved before.
Yeah, that's how I feel about getting involved in professional sports.
That's how I feel about pursuing a career in the NBA.
That's how I feel about commentary when it comes to the NBA or even an NBA.
Are there fantasy basketball teams?
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I would be very insecure about getting involved in one because that's not my area of expertise.
I've never, I barely watch basketball.
When I'm in a pub and it's on on the TV, I might, if I'm bored and alone, I might just look at the shapes and be like, the blue team's beating the orange team.
Go blue.
That's my knowledge of basketball and that's your knowledge of politics, you stupid cunt.
I have every fact.
If I haven't done all the research, do I even have a right to speak up?
No.
Men don't operate that way.
And so a lot of what we do is building that confidence.
I was raised very hardline.
You notice, by the way, it's not learning about politics and how many blacks are killed a day or what percentage of mass shooters are white or how many Muslims there are in the country, how many illegal aliens come through the border every day,
how many are here now, how the border laws have changed, apprehensions versus actual illegals crossing over.
None of the data.
It's all just about the confidence.
Gavin, you need to get involved in the NBA.
You have what it takes.
Okay, how many teams are there?
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't get lost in the weeds.
All right, what's college basketball?
What's the NBA?
What are the big college teams?
Don't, will you stop?
That doesn't matter.
What matters is that you feel confident enough to fucking, I don't know.
The confidence?
Nothing.
The information.
You feel strong enough to nothing.
A lot of what we do is building that confidence.
I was raised very hardline Republican.
Abortion was a big issue, so we were often single-issue voters.
I started to challenge some of those thoughts and really embrace the complications on issues that we were always black and white on.
Clapback.
Okay, when is a child a child?
I don't know.
At nine months?
Is it at conception?
Tell me when.
See, this is another thing that annoys me about women in politics.
They're not into that.
Politics is exactly what I just said.
It's the minutiae.
It's the brass tax.
So, okay, you're not pro-life.
You're not pro-choice.
What are you then?
When?
I would say the majority of Americans say abortion should be illegal after the child is viable.
I think it should be illegal at conception, but I'm a Catholic.
But most say it should be illegal if the baby can survive, can't survive outside the womb, right?
Now, thanks to technology, we're down to like 26 weeks, 25 weeks, where we can take a little one-pound premium out of your cunt, and it'll be banging chicks in 18 years, getting them pregnant because they didn't have a dad.
Just kidding.
And as the technology gets better, it could go down to 20 weeks, 16 weeks.
What's that, four months?
First trimester.
No, that's second trimester.
So is that what it is?
Because right now in New York and in all of Canada, it's nine months.
So I would like to get it down to 26 weeks, but where are you?
And I guarantee you, if you talk to her, she'd go, look, I think it's the woman's choice.
She should talk to her physician.
And okay, let me put it this way then.
If you're a 26 weeks person and someone has an abortion at 30 weeks, according to you, that's murder.
So now you don't mind murder under some circumstances?
I mean, I'm a blood, so I don't care if you kill Crips.
I want them dead.
But you're basically saying that.
You're saying that if it makes a woman feel better, then she can kill a child.
See, this is me now in the weeds of abortion, going through the weeds of the fetuses.
This is politics, ladies, but you don't like that.
You just like the...
It's a woman's choice and white wine and the little mermaid and memes on my phone and giggling in a mask.
Excuse me, red wine.
Red wine?
They know where their stance on that.
Barefoot Contessa, who made blueberry compote.
Oh my god, I was joking.
They're literally laughing at a meme.
Ethan Levy.
Eugene Levy.
Oh, that's from that show with his son.
The gay son.
He's remarkably the gay son.
They're now calling us out by name as troublemakers, and I think they said we are sowing discord.
I'm one of three black women who actually made history, and we were the first ever elected to city council.
Thank you.
There's no longer the justice status quo.
Just stop.
Why can't you just be elected to city council?
Why do you have to be the first black albino who's left-handed in sanitation?
Like, just work in city council.
Yay, you managed to overcome how incredibly racist America is.
The irony is that the status is because she overcame that racism.
But the truth is that she was likely an affirmative action hire.
So she got up to that position because of white guilt.
So clapping?
None of these women have fucked their husband in years.
I think the woman with the short hair has pegged her husband, perhaps.
She makes the rules of the house.
No, she definitely does.
People get elected and their friends are the next in line to get elected.
And suddenly we're making noise about that.
I like to call it the wine-fueled rebellion, actually.
This is what women do when we face any obstacle in our lives.
Come over.
Let's have a glass of wine.
We'll figure it out.
A certain type of woman, sure.
A drunk single woman.
Yeah, like a...
You know, when the nanny and the au pair and the maid are handling everything at home.
I just had deja vu.
Okay.
And I had to say it to like break it because it was happening and happening and happening.
I'm caring and caring and caring.
To those of us who have children with disabilities, to those of us that have pre-existing conditions.
It is the highest achievement.
It is life and death.
Look at that.
Why is it bruised?
Is that like a Roman...
Did someone grab your arm for dissenting too much?
Why is it purple and green?
Oh, it's brand new, huh?
No, this was two years ago.
The disrespect that's going on at this point on both sides is irreparable.
We will work like hell in order to get the messaging out.
Vote for people that are going to give women health care.
Vote for candidates that are pro-education.
It's moms.
It's women who actually candidates that are pro-education.
Like, what the fuck does that mean?
I'm anti-education?
I mean, I kind of am at this point, but what the fuck are you talking about?
Hey, I just saw a little girl with a book.
I had my book police tackle the child and rip the book from her hands because I'm anti-education.
No one's anti-education.
In fact, I would argue that the left, with their hatred for charter schools, is anti-education.
The only thing that's helping education move forward, you progressive, is school choice, charter schools.
But they just, they go by these fucking stupid, funky glass terms.
Look at her glasses.
She's got yellow eyeshadow, too.
Ah, she's so funky.
No wonder her kids are tarded.
We're going to give women health care.
Vote for candidates that are pro-education.
It's moms.
It's women who actually.
People have funky glasses.
Yeah.
And say enough is enough.
It went from a few women over one or two glasses of wine to an all-out suburban women taking on this fight.
To one of the most annoying things in our entire community.
It went from a few women over one or two glasses of wine to an all-out suburban women taking on this fight for ourselves.
And look where we are today.
I don't know where you are today.
Where are you?
Singing shitty songs and sing a little mermaid and embarrass your whole group.
Oh.
What was that fight?
I'm so glad that exists.
That video ruled.
What was, like, what?
I don't know.
I feel like I just ate bread for two days.
Like, where's the beef?
Meet the ladies of red wine at the end of the point.
Yeah.
You're not even drinking red wine.
They stink.
That has to go around.
I mean, that.
Oh, she has it on her page.
Let's see if the bread.
That video was so telling.
They said everything.
No.
We're uninformed.
We just need confidence.
Doesn't matter.
We just need confidence.
No, you don't.
I have no confidence in basketball.
Guess why?
Why?
Because I don't deserve any.
I suck.
She's uncorking.
Could I edit this?
Is that a thing where it's a live feed and you're waiting for people to join the feed?
You could trim this in post quite easily.
In fact, you did, because it ended off on like a level easily.
And, you know, and I'm also amazed at all the work that we have done.
That's officially castrated husband.
Katie and Jeremy Paris.
The audio's completely off from the video.
Oh, it's an hour off.
Unless he has a woman's voice.
You gotta understand what he's trying to do.
Right?
This is called What the Hell Is Happening.
Wait, how many views does that have?
24.
24 views.
This was do you have confidence in audio and post-production?
Because you shouldn't.
Wait, let's just hear some of that, though.
Because if her husband's political, then she's even more useless because she's just his puppet, which I've always suspected with the suffragettes.
I've always suspected that they were, men were behind them going, will you get out there and demand the vote?
I'm starting to feel like, I don't really, it's not only my bag.
Yes, it is.
You are a woman.
You're a human being.
You have the right to vote.
You should get out there and fight till you die for it.
That's more your thing.
No, it's not.
What's this?
A plan for our world?
What's she got?
That's the one.
That's the one.
She's got a plan.
Oh, that's the song.
It's so...
Oh, I want to go back to her husband then.
I can handle the lip syncing.
It's time to be ruthless.
This one's synced.
Why the hell are Republicans so afraid of us voting?
Very romantic.
Because you Ruin America.
You're in yes day right now, the movie.
Is us dead people?
Oh, look, we have people crashing our gate net colon.
I want to make sure we're live.
Okay, here we are.
You know what's more romantic than music?
Change.
Talking.
Voting.
Voting is so romantic.
Isn't that true?
What's more romantic than voting?
This guy's homantic.
Voting rights is a big topic because I've shared with many of you in our household.
I'm Katie Parris, the founder of Red, Wine, and Blue.
And this is my husband, Jeremy Parris, for those of you who are.
Hi, Jeremy.
Where are your balls?
Oh, there they are in her purse.
And we're talking voting rights because it's a huge topic in our country for good reason.
Voting rights?
Jeremy, I wanted to start, actually, by just acknowledging that today is a day where I am feeling like elections matter.
Like they have.
Like elections matter.
Like this is how you talk when you're 13, maybe 14.
I am feeling like elections matter right now.
I'm serious, Jeremy.
This is a perfect snapshot.
She's a fag hang.
He's exhausted and exasperated.
She's like, no, I'm not.
Let me tell you what he's about to say.
I couldn't agree with you more.
We've just survived four years of...
I don't even want to say that.
I'm going to say abuse.
Four years of abuse.
And I feel like we're finally getting our stride because we got the right to vote.
We had the right to say our piece.
You ever meet somebody who refused to say Trump's name?
Oh, yeah.
They say the former guy.
Yeah.
Or when he was in office, the guy, the local pizzeria was like, I'm not even, like, I didn't tell him my politics.
And he was like, I don't want to say his name, but the orange guy.
Valdemort?
Yeah.
And then my Scottish friend from the hotel.
Commander Chito.
Commander Chio.
I hate that Scots hate Trump.
It hurts my feelings.
Yeah.
And they hate his guts.
Like, they'll look like a brawler.
They canceled his fucking golf course.
That's.
Anyway, let's hear what Jeremy's got to say.
I agree with you.
He's about to say, right?
Yeah.
I couldn't agree more.
And in our life.
It's huge.
I mean, first of all, the American Rescue Plan that President Biden signed into law.
Which is the COVID, the latest COVID-19.
The $1.9 trillion COVID.
This is the kind of piece of legislation where I had to do a presentation earlier today to a big group.
I had to get to your third coincidence.
I had to.
No, no, no, no.
I'm a hot knees.
I'm a hot commodity.
I'm not even one of these.
All right.
All right.
Well, a little Zoom call here and there.
That is not uncorked with red, wine, and blue.
This was to 70 program officers of a major foundation about the American Rescue Plan.
And it's one of those things where the more you learn about what is in this law.
So wait a minute.
So he runs various foundations, right?
Where people donate money for him to lecture them on bullshit and then ask for more money.
Coincidentally, his wife has a foundation called Red, Wine, and Blue.
Is it possible that some of Jeremy's fundraising goes to someone that he has a lot of confidence in, Katie Paris?
Yes, I'm not going to lie.
She has my last name.
But that's not why I'm giving her money.
Similarly, Ilhan Omar coincidentally chose her husband as a consultant worthy of, I believe it was $360,000.
Is it possible that these cunts are just as corrupt as that BLM albino who stole all the money from BLM and gave it to himself?
Is it possible that these people are not sincere and they're just scam artists who are following fashion at best or corruption at worst and trying to line their own pockets?
I'm going to go with likely.
I'm going to go with likely.
Let me hear more about his foundation.
And the other thing that annoys me too is about Biden is getting out vaccines.
We're having like, we're getting like a million a day for 100.
Yeah, that's where it was going with Trump.
This is Trump's vaccine you're seeing.
Operation Lightspeed.
Things that they addressed in this law are, it is one of those things where I was great.
I was like, this is Elections Matter, the election in Georgia that so many of you on this, in this group in Red, Wine, and Blue worked on delivered a majority, a narrow majority in the Senate.
And that was enough to pass this major piece of legislation.
Let me give you one example.
And then I know that's not our topic for today.
But the child tax credit, which hopefully will then be made permanent, is going to lift half of the American children who are in poverty out of poverty.
It resets how we do our child support network.
And I'm just like...
There's so many starving children in America.
It's almost like Biafra here.
Their bloated, distended bellies, the flies buzzing around their heads.
I'm so glad we could lift the children out of poverty because it's that simple.
Wait, I need more.
Don't keep leaving it.
Wow.
So, yes, elections matter.
Joe Biden cut child poverty in half by signing.
Child poverty.
Child poverty.
That's a thing.
We also have the $1,400 checks.
Oh, great.
Cool.
We get $1,400 checks that come from outer space that don't lead to inflation whatsoever.
Printing extra money has no ramifications down the line.
Vaccine distribution.
And then tonight, a new announcement, too, that will impact you and me very directly because we're in our 40s.
The cunt grant.
So not yet eligible for the shots, but what he said was that all adults in every state should have shots in arms, that vaccine, bring it on by May 1st.
See what I mean?
The vaccine is like a porn star meth addict looking for a big cock.
They can't stop talking about the vaccine.
She just gave it to herself and him.
And then in the previous video, she had a Fisher-Price needle she was jamming into her arm.
They just cannot get enough of the vaccine.
It's a little creepy, huh?
It's weird.
Stab me in the arm with the month.
I'm not really for it or against it, per se.
I just, I'm against people who are for it.
By May 1st.
I think this is where the British have it better.
I know the monarchy's a mess.
I watched the Oprah.
I watched the Oprah.
The Oprah.
They call it the Jab.
And I feel like it would be, it's a lot more fun.
Did you get the jab?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
I'm so glad we watched this.
This rule.
I feel like it's a lot more fun.
Did you get the jab?
We're one of 47 people who have seen this.
Did you get the jab?
I like that too.
Did you get the jab?
I like that too.
I love it.
You know what?
I can't even explain why I love the jab or the term the jab, but I just got a chill up my leg when he said, did you get the jab?
It feels like it rhymes with a lot.
It could be used in rap songs.
It sounds like jibber jabble.
It reminds me of the platypus guy from Star Wars.
Vaccine sounds like too clinical.
Well, it is clinical.
I don't like vaccine.
It sounds cunt, fuck.
It has a lot of bad words in it.
Vagina.
No, but the jab?
Did you get the jab?
It's fun.
Jeremy's right.
Him and his boyfriend are right.
They came up with a great term.
You know what he does with Katie, by the way?
He wants to make her know that he's not gay.
So he goes, I'm even going to go down on you.
She goes, wow, really?
Yep.
I'm going to eat your pussy like a champ.
Every Saturday at midnight.
So he gets...
Oh, it's scheduled.
Yes.
He gets a little drunk.
He has some red wine and blue.
And he eats her out Saturday nights.
Bad.
And she uses that as proof he's not gay.
They fuck maybe once a three months.
Honey, why are you eating petroleum jelly right before our aura gel all over your tongue and lips at 11 p.m. on Saturday?
Why are you crying?
Why is there always an empty tube of aura gel?
Why is there a book on how not to puke when you're pretending straight?
Our jab by May 1st.
This is just real change.
Elections matter.
Now, how does that relate to what we're talking about tonight?
No idea.
It matters because elections can only matter if our democracy is protected.
And the only way that our democracy protects dead people to vote.
I guess it must be that night.
Oh, yeah.
This must be a Saturday.
We all have the right to vote.
Nobody said so.
That's so true.
You know what?
I think women and blacks should have the right to vote.
I keep forgetting this video is from 1836.
Yeah.
Well, the quality back then was, you could tell it's not.
That's why it has so few views because they didn't have YouTube back then.
Yeah, this was cutting-edge stuff.
What I'm going to talk about tonight, because my husband has actually dead.
Oh, wait, I just looked at the down votes.
There's 11 down votes and one only.
Wait, how the hell?
Only 45 people have seen this.
I thought they were all friendlies.
We're the only people I've seen to name the name, Katie Paris.
Everyone else says, like, former VP of Media Matters, which I bet you was him, too.
I bet you she's his little man.
He's gay.
He has gay face.
And I bet she's his little marionette that she has.
He has working at Media Matters.
He has doing this trust, this foundation, this hedge fund, this fucking nonprofit.
That's how he makes his money.
Dedicated much of his career to voting rights.
You were one of the lead Senate staffers on reauthorization of the Voting Rights Act.
What year was that?
2006.
And until the other thing I work on is the courts until John Roberts and the conservatives on the Supreme Court gutted Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act, which is Shelby County, which is one of the reasons we're in this mess.
What are you talking about?
Voting rights.
What do you mean?
Who doesn't have the right to vote?
Are they talking about voter suppression where we dare to ask for ID?
Is that the crime?
It's not like this is a new topic suddenly on the scene today.
Voter suppression and attempts to take away people's right to vote.
But given what happened in 2020 with that guy, we all worked so hard to kick out.
See, they won't say his name.
We don't say his name anymore here.
I try not to.
Is that Voldemort?
Oh, my God.
You are my joke.
You're in my joke.
Welcome to my joke.
I just try not to.
Keep it positive, like, keep it productive moving forward.
Like, not naming something sometimes gives it too much totonic power.
I mean, like, the N-word?
Totonic, but right.
I'm just going to say, I'm not afraid.
Agreed?
Not where I'm.
Oh, shit.
He wasn't afraid to say Trump and he said it.
Matt right here.
That guy's brave.
Maybe he is straight after all.
He seems to have some real balls.
Yeah, I take it all back.
I thought he was a pussy.
This guy crushes pussy, but he's not a pussy.
It's not like it disempowers me or anything.
It's just like, I'm going to choose my words.
I don't have enough.
Notice they just speak in clichés.
It doesn't disempower me or anything.
I'm just going to choose my words.
Which is what you say to little kids.
Choose your words.
Use your words.
All right.
It's the woke olindex right here.
Yeah, it is.
Your joke doesn't work.
You can't beat him.
You can't do that.
Jeremy Parris of the Rabin Group.
So he's fighting voter suppression, which is asking people to have ID.
So is it driver suppression to require a driver's license to drive a car?
What about asking for ID to get a tattoo?
I bet that disproportionately hurts blacks who want tattoos.
Is that racist now?
Yes?
Okay.
So all I'm saying is that there is this new assault right now on voter suppression, but it's not as if this isn't something they've been trying to make voting harder for a long time.
Wait, isn't an assault on voter suppression good?
Two negatives make a positive?
Sorry, go ahead, silly bitch.
But talk to us about what's happening right now and why you think it's different than what we've seen before.
Yeah, so but you said something that was important.
The vote suppression regime is not a product of he who apparently shall not be named.
Oh my god.
He was very much a product of vote suppression.
It was really his electoral math was ground on vote suppression.
But this has been a long-term project of the Republican Party.
And It's something that hurts my soul because it really is about your party needs to win by making sure that people can't vote, particularly black and brown people can't vote.
Black and brown people, that is immoral.
If you say black and brown people, you don't see them as people.
If you say African American, you don't know any black people.
New rule.
New rule.
New rule.
New rule.
All right, I've had enough of that shit.
John, what a fucking mess.
They're so insincere.
I like that.
Voter suppression is all code for me manipulating my pets and making my pets vote a certain way.
Oh, there she is.
Got my mask, got my keys.
Oh.
Oh, got my shitty attitude.
Tactical gear and my purse.
Aren't you excited to have your freedoms back?
Here's the mic.
Here's her dropping it.
Damn.
You need a tactical vestigo.
Because people with guns will just shoot people.
You know, the shooting in Boulder, they go, we need more gun control without checking what kind of gun he had or what kind of gun control they have.
They have super strict gun control there.
It's a red flag state.
They have assault rifles banned.
Everything.
They have all their fucking boxes checked.
And there was still a mass shooting there.
So what do you want me to do?
I know this attack was not to excite us, but...
Wait, what?
Are they...
No.
Wait, what?
Oh, wait, this is a Groiber saying...
I hope they're not talking about the shooting attack.
Okay, didn't think any other song can compete with WAP for biggest dumpster fire.
Oh, and they're just...
Oh, they're saying that attack.
Yeah.
But it would be very transparent if they said the Colorado attack.
So that way they could push gun control.
Yeah, well, they definitely were happy when they thought it was a white guy.
Yeah.
Freudian Slip.
It was a Muslim who killed 10 white people.
Can we play identity politics back, please?
Ahmad Alisa.
Alright, let's take some calls.
I've had enough of red, wine, and blue.
I've just begun.
Be doing a lot of redding, whiting, and bluing, frankly.
Red and whining.
Blue.
Don't forget blue.
Great color.
Great color.
Red wine and blue.
Chillo, you've got a blue.
Okay.
There's red.
I miss him already.
I miss this.
Yeah.
Pushing.
Your rules.
A lot of people don't understand.
Jeremy has enough testosterone to not do a lot with, frankly.
He's not going to do a lot with it.
Because there's not a lot.
We, uh...
Okay, hi, my name is Very.
I'm trying to get my current boyfriend to get rid of his pig.
I think that's a call screen fail.
Let's see.
Pig?
Look at this woman, Lauren.
This is a drawing.
Hello.
I can prove it.
Look at the back.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, Lauren.
Lauren Dowdy.
Yep.
Beautiful.
Absolutely smash.
I have a heart condition.
If you hit me, it's murder.
You're on the line, person.
Of color.
Hello?
Uh-oh.
Hello?
Yeah, there we go.
Hello?
Can you hear us?
Hello, can you hear us?
Is it a girl that you want to talk to?
You, I don't care.
Are you a girl?
Hey, it's Marie.
Hi.
Hi, I have a question for you.
Okay.
How are y'all, first of all?
Well.
I'm a little warm.
It's warm in the studio with all these lights.
Okay, so anyway, well, it's like weird in Texas.
But anyway, so I have a boyfriend that's a vegan.
Okay?
It's weird.
And he has a pig.
And I really want him to get rid of his pig.
He wants to get rid of it too because it's like destroying everything in the house.
And he's like really sad because he knows that he has to get rid of it.
And he's like, oh, boohoo.
But I've like thrown him like all these websites to get rid of it.
And he still won't follow through.
So to kill it, right?
No, he wants to put it in a humane place.
And he actually had somebody tell him that he has to have somebody offer him like $100 to pay him for this fucking pig because they might eat it.
And I really like this guy, but this fucking pig, all it does is like destroy his entire shit.
And he feels bad.
Where in Texas are you?
What?
In North Texas.
Have you considered dumping him and getting rid of both pigs with one foul swoop?
I mean, you know, he's pretty hot and all, so I don't know.
Okay.
I don't know what to do with it.
Anyway, that was my...
What'd you do?
You got to have it.
You need to set a date.
I mean, what do we know?
It's March 24th.
That pig has to be gone.
The pig is gone or I'm gone on April 1st.
And this is not an April Fool's joke.
That's a great idea.
So choose your pig.
I got it.
Okay, thanks for coming.
Thanks for calling.
Choose your pig.
Nick.
Hi, am I audible?
Yes.
You said yesterday or a couple days ago, you were talking about if you're anti-Israel or anti-Zionism, it just means you're anti-Jewish and it's just code.
But that's not true.
There's definitely a lot of people that are not anti-Israel because they're anti-Jews.
There's a lot of Jews that are anti-Israel because they're just Torah.
They're ginos.
They're Jews in name only.
They don't really follow the religion.
No, no, no.
No, their religion says in the Torah and their Talmud that God scattered them to different nations and that they can't have their own nation until their Messiah comes.
Yeah, yeah, that's very extreme, my friend.
You're talking about extremely important.
No, no, no.
They say that it's extreme, but that's just what it says.
Yeah.
That's the real joy.
Thanks for calling.
It's always a joy to hear from the anti-Semitic absolutists.
Is it anti-Semitic to be indifferent towards Jews?
Nope.
Okay.
That'll do.
That's where I'm at.
I think it's anti-Semitic to be anti-Israel, though.
Yeah, not.
It's very convenient to get away with that by saying that the fucking bare bones of the Torah say that the Messiah has to come back.
That's pretty extreme.
And there's also extremist Christians that go by the letter of the law like that.
And they go to Israel and they celebrate Israel.
Because in the Bible, it says that they'll go back to Israel.
And then on Judgment Day, they'll be swept up.
And they'll either convert to Christianity or swept up, be killed.
So they're all like, yay, we're here.
And the Jews are like, so you're here because it's convert or die?
That's not quite as celebratory as you seem to be acting.
Sorry, go ahead, caller.
Unmuting.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
What's up, dog?
I had a question about bitches.
Alright.
You should probably unleash it.
Yeah, whenever you're ready.
No need to say I have a question.
You can just dive right into the question.
Hello?
Yes, speak, sir.
Oh, sorry.
That's all right.
So I have a question on how to get girls.
I'm 18 right now, and I'm going to join the Marines, so I don't have a lot of options.
And if, you know, usually the word is like, if you go to the Marines, you're going to get cheated on.
But there's this girl that I've known since like eighth grade.
And I don't know.
Hmm.
Wow, that's a great question.
Oh, I don't know.
Should I go for her?
I don't want to ruin her friendship.
Well, no.
Have you fucked her yet?
No, I haven't fucked her, but I've known her since 8th grade.
So you're interested in her?
Yeah.
Well, when are you leaving?
Soon, maybe this year.
I haven't got a shift to yet.
Okay, so you have to fuck her.
I mean, obviously, if you're Christian and you guys are following the Bible closely, that's a different story.
But I'm assuming you're not like that.
And if you're like the rest of us, I would say you have to fuck her at least 10 times before you deploy.
But I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend.
So how the fuck do I get him out of the picture?
So, you know, booze.
Because I don't really want to fuck her.
I just want to.
I want to...
Because she's a good girl, so I want her because I feel like we vibe.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you got to fuck her, dude.
Sorry.
All right.
And maybe you guys could get drunk together.
I know this doesn't sound very Christian.
It sounds like you're taking advantage of her.
Obviously, don't get her shit faced, but maybe like a few glasses of wine.
Make it clear you're interested in her.
Don't end up in the friend zone.
But if she can be pulled out of a relationship with a boy, then she wasn't that committed to that boy.
But I would say before you deploy, you guys would have to have like three or four months exclusive together where it's clear to both that you're not allowed to fuck anyone else.
And if that happens and you fuck her well and you're not too weak and needy, you may have someone who's going to wait for you.
All right.
Yeah, I took your fucking advice on how to eat a fucking pussy and the first time I did.
I made her come.
So thanks for that.
All right.
You're welcome.
I'm going to definitely use that again.
Thanks for calling.
I'm getting to the age now where giving 18-year-olds sex tips is getting fucking creepy.
You ate that adolescent pussy?
Nice.
And he did it with your technique, so it's kind of like you did it.
Yeah, like I have teenage kids now, and I'm giving other teenage kids sex tips.
Gross.
Wickman's Gavin's definition of this proportion.
What's up, my nigger?
Yo, daughter.
And then they eat the poo-poo.
So I noticed that Gavin is very good at parsing the data when it comes to looking at, you know, black crime in America and how, you know, they don't commit most of the crime, but it's a disproportionate amount of the crime.
Yes.
But I'm sort of lost because when people mention Jews and their disproportionate representation in media, it seems to be all blank stares.
You call it anti-Semitism, but it's legitimate.
Yeah, no, it is legitimate.
We have discussed this before.
But Jews are also disproportionately represented in medicine.
Okay.
Do you think that's a sign of corruption?
I think it's a sign of nepotism, yeah.
A lot of physicians' kids become physicians themselves.
And so they get their medical degree because someone up top just sort of slides it to them?
No, no, no.
There's not like a cabal of people that are literally like scheming and planning.
It's just an in-group preference and that they're allowed to show that white people are not.
But If you get a medical degree, you become a doctor, you have to go through the 12 years of hard work.
Where does the nepotism come in?
The hardest part about med school is being accepted.
There are so many spots, sorry, there are so many applicants and very few spots, at least when it comes to allopathic medicine, which is the MD versus the DO.
So everyone applies to become a doctor to go to med school, but the Jews who are accepting these applications prefer Jews, and you end up with a disproportionate number of Jews in medicine.
No, no, no, no.
So Jewish people are, there are a lot of Jewish physicians, you're right.
But children of physicians are more likely to become physicians and accepted into med schools.
But I think a more important example.
But wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Children?
Why are the children more likely to pursue medicine?
Because their parents were in it?
Couldn't you say the same with media?
They facilitate the whole process.
They know a lot of people.
A lot of hospitals are affiliated with medical schools.
Most are.
Actually, all are.
And so they have inroads.
But my friend, it's still like it's still professional sports.
You still have to perform at a high level.
I mean, your friends could be in the Mets.
You still are not going to get in the Mets if you're not qualified.
Yeah, but there are a lot of people who are not accepted to med school where if they could just pass that first hurdle and become accepted, they would go through med school no problem.
But Jews don't.
Jews don't have that hurdle.
You can see that when it comes to schools in the Caribbean.
There are schools in the Caribbean that accept hundreds and hundreds of students from the U.S. who aren't accepted into med school.
They pass the same licensures when they're gone, and it works out fine.
They weren't accepted.
Caribbean medical schools are as good as American medical schools?
Yeah, it's under the same, they're board certified in the United States when you graduate from the Caribbean schools and take the same exam.
So it sounds like what you're really saying is that I should stand up and be brave and really say what's going on with the Jews.
Well, I think it's dishonest not to recognize a disproportionate impact they have, especially when it comes to media.
And it shows I should be brave enough to own that, right?
Brave enough to own what?
The fact that you're not?
No, no, that what you're saying, I should say I'm Gavin McInnes, and I think Jews have a disproportionate influence in the media.
Well, no, but it seems like anytime anybody calls to raise these points, I'm honestly the first person that you haven't called anti-Semitic or hung up on when I usually see it.
Well, what's your name?
Wickman.
What's your full name?
Jebediah Wickman.
Jebediah Wickman, huh?
Yeah.
Are you trying to participate in some cancel culture right now?
No, I'm trying to get...
You're calling me a coward, and I'm saying, let's hear you be brave, Jebediah Wickman, and use your real name.
I don't have a show that I talk to people about on why is this the way that you're doing.
Oh, good.
So you don't have a show, so you can just be brave on a much smaller scale.
It would require much less bravery then.
So what are you talking about?
I'm talking about your lack of bravery to use your own name.
Put it this way, if I got sued, I'd be able to much easier claim libel than you because I'm not a public figure.
Okay.
Why don't you have the courage while you sit there in your armchair and talk about how weak everyone is and how they're not being brave enough for your electing?
Why aren't you being brave?
Why don't you use your real name and say you think Jews have a disproportionate control of the media?
Brave and weak, those are both your words.
I didn't use those words.
Okay, well.
I just wanted to discuss that.
Why don't you be a trumpeter and say your real name and say what you want to say about the Jews?
Jebediah Wickman, and I believe that Jews have a disproportionate impact in our lives and the policy in the United States through the disproportionate representation that they have in the media and banking and other areas in our lives.
All right, Jebediah, thank you for your call.
All right, thanks for your non-opinion.
Bye.
I love you, White Power.
If that's Jebediah's real name, unfortunately.
So common with these guys where they pretend to be brave and then when it's their time to shine, they poop their pants.
Which is such a pussy thing to do.
It's like when people talk about professional sports players and they're like, Syndegard's such a fuck up this year, man.
Get your shit together, DeGrom.
And you're like, you don't even play baseball recreationally.
I don't even wear baseball hats.
I did tonight.
I used to.
But then people ask you if you're here to pull off a baseball hat.
When you have none, you look like a little boy with cancer.
That's true.
Or a rachist.
This here is Mark.
You're on the line.
Oh, hey, Gab.
Hey, man.
So I've got a music question for you.
Have you go back to maybe the early 2000s here?
So there's this band called Long Wave.
My buddy was a drummer of that band, only on their first record, but I'm also friends of the singer of that band, Steve.
I'm wondering if you remember those guys at all.
They used to hang out with the strokes and all those guys.
Longwave?
Yeah, Longwave.
They just got back together, too.
Steve just put out, and those guys just put out a EP or an LP last year.
They don't look familiar.
It's not ringing a bell.
Play one of their hits, Ryan.
What comes up on YouTube as their big hit?
Tidal Wave.
Tidal Wave.
Long Wave's big hit was Tidal Wave.
No, I don't remember them.
Tidal Wave coming up.
Yeah, well, they used to, yeah.
Steve, the guitarist, used to tour with Albert Hammond Jr. on his solo tour.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I loved Albert's solo stuff.
I thought it was great.
And I liked the new strokes album.
Yeah, it took me a while to get into it.
I mean, like the second record he did, and the last one he just did, too, was pretty cool.
All right.
Well, yeah, my buddy did drummer.
Lovely in that thing.
We never heard Hello Mary.
True.
2009?
2009?
That's not the early 2000s.
Take me down when I'm.
Strokes were ancient Chinese secret by 2009.
All right, that's enough.
Maybe the hollow.
We'll do Hello Mary tomorrow.
Next, Kazal.
Okay, Dustin.
Dustin wants to talk about me.
What's up?
Hello.
How's it going?
Good.
Hey, so a few weeks back, you excited me, you know.
You were talking about Facebook more and Mike Patton and all that stuff.
And it got me thinking, does Gavin go to shows?
Dare he walk into these woke venues in 2021?
And if so, like, what was the last show you saw?
And if not, what was the last show you saw?
And if so, what was the last show I saw?
And if not, what was the last show you saw?
Yeah, I could go to a show.
I'm happy, but it's probably going to be a fight.
You know, Tommy Trigger, the proud boy, he went to go see Rancid, ended up in a knife fight with Antifa where he got, I think it was two years in prison, two or three years, even though they started the fight with him and he pulled out a knife to say,
stand back.
So that's what I'm looking at if I go to one of these shows.
But what was the last show I saw?
Jesus, it was a long time ago.
We were promised jetpacks, maybe, or Flatfoot 69, or what the fuck would it be?
It's been a Coon's Age since I've been to a show.
Oh, I saw Elvis Costello, but that was upstate.
You know, I can see shows up here in the burbs.
Doesn't mean much.
Did you lose the connection?
Okay, wait.
I got to deposit funds here on Colin's studio.
What?
You ran out of money?
Yeah.
Shouldn't that be a money?
Should we put the cards on file?
I don't know why it doesn't automatically do that.
Alright, let's see.
So what's your question?
Should we pay money?
Cannot be processed.
Yeah, maybe the credit card changed.
Okay.
That's not good.
Do you have a card you can pass me?
The troubles of being a cheapskate.
Should I put a hundo?
Sure, Ryan.
Who fucking cares?
What kind of question is that?
Well, it's not my money.
I would want to know.
No, we're doing a show.
Oh, okay.
What am I going to say?
Don't.
No, no, no, no.
Don't go putting $100 on it.
That's a waste of money as we do a live show.
But to that caller asking about the Jews, yeah, there's a disproportionate number of Jews in media, disproportionate number of Jews in a particular type of media, which is anti-American sabotage, HuffPost, New York Times, CNN,
Alan Foyer, who we called the other night, is a good example.
But when I talk to bona fide Jews, Orthodox Jews, people who really care about the religion and morality, they have a huge reverence for America and Christianity, and they have a lot of contempt for those.
That's why I came up with the name Jino, Jews in name only, because I see these people more as elitist saboteurs.
And you'll notice these elitist saboteurs, yes, maybe are disproportionately Jewish.
Jews are only 3% of the population.
They're probably like over 50% of this group.
But they're Christians and are fake Christians.
They're atheists.
They're sometimes libertarians.
They're upper middle class whites.
And those are the real enemy in America, I've noticed, is elitist white liberals.
I mean, I'm sure you could go trace the Karens.
Maybe Katie Parris and Jeremy Parris are somehow linked to Judaism.
But I think you'll find that they don't really follow the religion.
They believe in bullshit like female rabbis, for example.
They make their own rules for it.
And I think a good way to gauge if a Jewish person is sincerely Jewish is to ask them about not just Israel, but Orthodox Jews.
And if they have a disdain, not Hasidim, but Orthodox Jews.
And if they have a disdain for Orthodox Jews, you realize, oh, you're full of shit.
You're a poser.
Just like these Jews who just are disgusted by Christmas trees and saying Merry Christmas.
Real Jews happily say Merry Christmas.
Real Jews sit on Santa's lap.
Ron Coleman sits on Santa's lap and enjoys American culture.
And in my video, 10 Things I Hate About the Jews, what I was saying was, I want us all to come together and realize we have a common enemy, especially in Israel, where we have Muslims murdering Christians and Jews on a daily basis.
And I was finding a lot of pro-Trump Jews in Israel, but I was also finding this latent anti-Americanism from publications like Horetz, which is just suicidal Jews, where they hate Christians and they hate,
you know, Trump and they hate me.
And it's like, I have your best interests in mind.
Palestine doesn't.
So I would implore any of these guys like Jebediah Woodrick or whatever his fake name was to go to Israel because I think you'll find there's more nuance in Israel with Judaism than there is in America.
You'll hear more anti-Semitism in quotes in Israel than you'll hear in America, where you'll have conservative Jews, pro-Trump Jews going, what the fuck is with these ethnomasochist Jews who want to destroy the Country.
I remember once I was having a kosher lunch with the Orthodox Jew in New York, and he goes, I'm sorry about what my people did to this country.
It's disgusting.
Now, when he said, My people, he wasn't talking about Orthodox Jews, he was talking about secular Jews.
But yeah, I think I understand your ire, and I think it's a real rut.
It becomes a mental crutch.
As Jared Taylor says, it gets to the point where if it rains on your birthday, you blame the Jews.
And it starts solving all your problems.
I think you'll find that elitists are guilty of everything you're saying.
And Jews tend to be elitists more because they have higher IQs.
Why do they have higher IQs?
I guess they value education more.
And after generation after generation, a man who's intelligent and, you know, reads the Torah ends up being more of a viable mate than, say, an Arab culture, where they tend to appreciate brute force more.
So over generations and generations, you're going to find that Arab culture has more brutish males in it, and Jewish culture has more beta males, but more intellectual males.
And that's why they're disproportionately represented in medicine.
That's why they're disproportionately represented in the media.
And that's why they're disproportionately represented in wealth.
Because they're smarter.
But that's not my issue.
My issue is these meddling socialist elites who want to fuck the country.
And they tend to come from all religions.
I'm disappointed with how much they are white.
I'm amazed by how many of my enemies...
Sure, there's like crazy Black Panthers who are like, kill Whitey, motherfucker.
But as far as like people who affect my daily life, it tends to be rich white people.
Mostly women.
Boomer angry women liberals.
What percentage of them are Jews?
44%.
Or what percentage of them don't have Christ in their life?
Maybe it's something that 44%.
I don't count those as real Jews.
I don't count those as Torah reading Judaism loving Jews.
I count them as someone who just sort of goes there, goes to temple, goes to synagogue.
They go to meet people.
They use their Judaism as some sort of a...
They have the brackets around their name to say, I'm a Jew, do, do, do.
But they don't really believe in God the way we do.
And the way Orthodox Jews do.
I got calls now.
All right.
Lewis.
What's up, Lou?
And yeah, my advice to young men who are really into this subject is don't let it become a crutch.
Don't let it dominate your life.
Because it's a problem with black people where they go, the white man controls everything, the white man controls the media, the white man controls TV, the white man controls the economy, Wall Street.
Every time something goes wrong, it's the white man.
The next thing you know, you're incapacitated.
Sorry, Lewis.
You're on the light.
We can hear you now, sir.
Sorry.
What's up, dude?
What's going on?
Yo, bro.
You guys having technical difficulties or what?
We ran out of money on Skype and we had to go back to donate to our account.
Jesus, Gav.
Give this guy a credit card so he can handle his shit.
I just literally did.
Jesus Christ.
Besides judging us, what are you here for?
I'm calling for some advice again.
This one is in regards to creativity and drinking.
Go ahead.
So basically, I'm in my late 30s.
Sorry, my late 20s.
And the early part of my 20s, I was able to kind of create and be productive and write and paint, no problem, without any booze or any substance.
But, you know, throughout your 20s, you're confronted with the cold wind of reality.
And most of the time, I need like a lubricant, basically whiskey or beer or things like that to kind of get me going and fall back into that sort of delusion of creativity.
What are your thoughts on that?
I mean, I drink a lot, and you're an alcoholic, and so am I. So I'm wondering, and you're very prolific, so I wonder where is the margin?
Like where, what's like too much?
What's, you know, like, where the hell, like, I've talked to my priest and my psychiatrist, so I don't know what to do.
What's a psychiatrist?
Is that like a psychiatrist who's an iconoclast?
Yeah, psychiatrist.
Sorry, I'm drinking some half-off beer.
Well, my experience when I was writing books was Adderall gets it out, whiskey gives it balls, pot makes it funny, and then coffee cleans it up.
So I would barf it all out on Adderall, then I'd go back over it with whiskey and pull out the things that I was hemming and hawing on and go, fuck it, she was a bitch.
All right, let's cut this shit.
And then Pot would be like, she was a hot bitch, though.
Sort of like a pig in lingerie or something.
The next morning, shut up.
The next morning, I would be sober as a judge with a coffee and some eggs, and I would go over and go, well, this whole part is garbage.
And I would kill 500 words right there.
But this part was good, but you didn't explain how you guys got there in the first place.
So then I would, you know, elucidate some parts that didn't have enough exposition.
But that was just trying to write an 80,000-word book.
That was kind of a band-aid solution because you're in the crunch.
As far as the long term goes, I don't know.
I mean, Charles Bukowski said you shouldn't write if you can't not write.
So I don't think you should make art if you can not make art.
Yeah, but he was also drunk every day.
Great point.
And that's my question.
It's like, because you're very prolific, so obviously you're able to take Adderall, coffee, and beer without any like restrictions, right?
Like, I'm thinking about your vice days and stuff, but I can't do that.
I have a life, and the drinking hinders my creativity.
It hinders my day-to-day life because I have to make a living, but it hinders my creativity because I put in the money for the booze and I write for a little bit, but then I just want to listen to like T-Rex for the rest of the night.
So, what's your art?
Your art is writing?
You're a writer?
I'm a painter and a writer.
Yeah, I do both things.
I'm quite good at both.
It's just that I'm a nobody.
So I'm just doing it on a whim.
And it's kind of, like I said, like you have to kind of delude yourself with the booze to believe in what you're doing.
Yeah, I'm not on booze or Adderall.
I'm not drunk.
I had like two beers so far today.
I haven't had any beer besides St. Patrick's Day.
I haven't had any Adderall or any kind of drugs for any show except maybe coffee.
But it's because I'm doing something that I've found that I really enjoy and I feel very comfortable doing.
I would say you just have to lower the bar.
That was like the advice I gave to the boxer the other day is do a shitty painting.
Write a crappy article.
It doesn't all have to be Kierkegaard and fucking Salvador Dali.
It can be mediocre just to get it out there.
Right, right.
But then what about the Joe DiMaggio thing?
What's that?
Well, the thing is, I don't want to put out anything in the world that isn't Joe DiMaggio level.
Right, then don't put it out.
Then throw it in the garbage.
You know, when I have these doodle auctions, a third of them go in the garbage.
And even the ones that go to the doodle auction suck.
Yeah.
But yeah, don't use booze as a crutch.
I got to go.
Thanks for calling, but you got the idea.
I mean, it can help you through a rocky period, but it can't become a mainstay.
Definitely not.
Great questions, great answers.
James is up next.
James.
Talking about birthright citizenship and immigration.
James, you're online?
Yo, yo.
You hear me?
Yo.
Hey, so I was listening to your show the other night.
You were talking about, I think you were playing that talk show, The British Dude, and you were talking about the birther stuff.
Yep.
And so the way it works is, so people think it's naturalized citizen.
So the misconception comes from you have to be born in the physical United States or a territory to be president, which is not true.
One of your parents has to be a U.S. citizen.
You can be born in a foreign country.
And as long as they do the paperwork through the consulate, you are a naturalized citizen at birth.
So like, for instance, my son is born in Germany.
But since I'm an American citizen, I went and got his consulate birth abroad.
So he had like a U.S. consulate birth certificate, so it's kind of cool looking.
It's not like a state.
So he was born in a German hospital and everything.
But he was born in a U.S. consulate?
Isn't that like John McCain, who was born in Panama on an American Army base?
Well, that's what I'm saying.
All the hubbub about all of it doesn't mean anything because he was born.
Yeah, he was born in a foreign country, but his parents are military.
But what if you're born like in some random hospital in Panama?
That's nothing to do with the military.
And your mom is American.
It doesn't matter.
Then if she does the paperwork, you'll be a natural-born citizen, still, with your consular.
Now, the stipulation is, because they were talking about the Obama stuff, was that he had that fake, phony, whatever they say, it's phony Hawaiian birth certificate.
But the thing is, if the parents had never, his mom's American, so it wouldn't have mattered.
But if she never did the paperwork originally, there would be no proof of it.
So I guess they went, she fucked up, she was too lazy to do paperwork.
So we can't pursue that angle.
We can't pursue the angle of he was born in Kenya, but it doesn't matter because it does matter because she fucked up.
So let's scrap that and just go, he was born in Hawaii, so she didn't need to do any paperwork.
Yeah, it doesn't count if you never went to the consulate and went through the motions and get the birth certificate.
Well, you're racist.
Thanks for calling.
That's the way it works.
If you question Barack Obama's citizenship, whether you're right or wrong, it makes you a racist.
We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Because he's racist.
We hold these truths to be self-evident.
All men and women created by, you know, the thing.
That's a thing.
He gets so excited because he thinks I'm going to nail this.
And he goes, there's one thing that's so important.
One thing.
And it sums up all of our problems.
And all we have to do is get together with this one thing.
And then someone hits a delete button in his brain and he's like.
So I get it.
And just everyone just understand that we need to come together and all of the other things are not important.
What's important is that we focus.
And I'm the vice principal under Brock Deboggin.
And I approve this message.
Hey, man, come on.
Come on, man.
What do you whack a movie?
Come on, man.
Oh, man.
Give me a break.
The best part of Kyle Dunne's imitation is when he does that smile.
Yeah.
I saw a clip of Biden, young Biden, talking, and he's just talking, talking, talking.
Oh, he's cool.
I like him.
I know.
He's right-wing.
I kind of like him.
He's like, yeah, we got to fucking throw these motherfuckers in jail, Clean up this country.
We got too many assholes roaming the streets.
Oh, man.
I'm tough but fair.
And I've had enough of bullshit.
Okay.
I like you.
I hope you're president one day.
Well, that'll be after my brain turns to mashed potatoes.
Oh, no, no, no, no, not then.
Free mashed potatoes.
And it's not going to make any difference my saying this, but it's not because I'm 30 and coming in.
I think that the seniority system has many more drawbacks and it has many.
Measuring does fuck up a lot.
How is he the same age as you?
Wait, back then?
Yeah.
This is Ryan's age.
Look at his big-ass lapels and his balding head.
I know.
It's like he looks so 70s.
Get with it, man.
What are you in the 70s right now?
In my deformative years in the presidency.
I know I'll be president one day.
I'm just hoping it's when I still have a brain.
Vote to eliminate the seniority system.
The indications are that you may be 100th in seniority, the last man on the totem poll in the Senate is at the bottom.
Senior seniority.
Let's not be silly.
I get jokes and understand what people are saying.
I'm 30.
BLM.
48 years.
I think things will be pretty different, especially after my brain operation.
This is BLM calling.
Oh.
Unless I got that wrong.
What's up the topic?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Oh, hi.
No, I'm definitely, I'm not with BLM, I promise.
Oh, no, but I just wanted to say, I just wanted to say that I live in Kentucky, and my daughter is in competitive cheer.
And a few weeks ago, we were in downtown Libby at a competition, and these are young kids at this competition, right?
So there were BLM protesters outside the convention center telling these young girls, you should do something more with your white privilege than cheer.
What's wrong with you?
And I was, I was, I've never experienced anything like that before.
So, and of course my daughter had questions for me because, you know, they were out there with signs and, you know, obviously they were yelling at obscenities and whatnot.
But I guess my question to you is, like, what do you say to your kids whenever they have these questions for you?
I mean, what do you tell them?
What do you say when they ask, hey, dad, what's BLM?
Well, wait a minute.
What did you say?
I think I saw footage of this.
There was footage on.
It's 11-year-olds crossing the street, 11-year-old white girls, and they're getting...
Yeah, that went viral.
Everyone's seen the footage of your daughters and your friends' daughters getting screamed at for the audacity to cheer on a sports team, as we've been doing since, I don't know, the year three?
You know what I found?
Tucker Carlson had a segment where he broke down exactly how many unarmed black men are killed by police every year.
And it wasn't me saying it.
And he had all the statistics, and he was like, 2019, there were 12 cases, six cases they were unarmed.
No, sorry, 12 cases they were unarmed.
Yeah, that's the footage.
Six cases they weren't charging at the police with a car or something.
So that's six out of 3.2 million transactions or whatever it is every year.
He had all the data laid out.
And that's terrible.
But those cops were on trial and were facing jail time like Justin Volpe, who anally invaded Abner Luima.
He's still in prison right now.
So I just lay out the facts and give them perspective.
And I say, here's what really happened with Breonna Taylor.
Here's what really happened with George Floyd.
And you ideally have someone else explaining it, like Tucker Carlson.
He does his research, and you're not going to make them look dumb if they're wrong.
But it's tricky because, you know, if they're 11, you don't want them totally ostracized at school.
So you don't want your 11-year-old going, actually, Breonna Taylor was a whore who got fucked by her other drug dealer friends, and she was just, she was running money for them.
And George Floyd was a fucking junkie who would chew the fentanyl patches and then spit them out.
And he probably OD'd.
And the Minneapolis police don't have a problem with you putting your knee on a neck.
It's a great way to hold down a perp, especially if he says he can't breathe.
It's actually better for him to breathe.
That's not going to work.
So I would say the way I would pitch it is there's two sides to this story.
And their side is that cops are unduly violent and it's led to deaths of these people.
And people are really mad about that.
Personally, I disagree.
And I think this is what happened with Breonna Taylor.
This is what happened with George Floyd.
This is what happens generally in America.
Six unarmed.
But that's dad's opinion.
And I want you to make your decision for yourself.
And then I think I would add, there's no need at your age to start screaming at your teacher about how Black Lives Matter is bullshit and they're domestic terrorists.
Even if that's true, let's take some baby steps.
I don't want you on the front lines just this yet.
Right.
Right.
That's better than what I had in mind because I had no idea.
I just kind of blew it off because, you know, there's such a fine line because, you know, she's almost 11 and I don't want to tell her too much, but I also don't want to get her information elsewhere, you know?
I even do this, like, we're Catholics, we're Christian, but I even tell them, like, this is the story.
People say that Adam and Eve didn't really exist and it's all a metaphor.
And the atheists believe this and this and this.
And, you know, we are a Catholic fan.
We're Christian.
So this is what we believe.
But I kind of keep it out there.
But, you know, your first instinct is like, I want to fucking jump in your body and then go to your school as you and say, listen, shit for brains.
And just start like trashing the school, which would be fun, but it would destroy your child's life and they would probably blow it.
So, you know, I don't think you need an 11-year-old braveheart, but she should know their version of events.
And she should know that someone she trusts, which is you, thinks that they have the story completely wrong.
Completely wrong.
And it's frustrating because this is unique.
Like Martin Luther King didn't have the story wrong.
The Black Panthers didn't have the story wrong.
MLK, Malcolm X, all of these freedom riders, like the Vietnam War, the people fighting against the Vietnam War.
Everyone had their facts straight up until very recently.
Even Occupy Wall Street, it's not my cup of tea, but I understood what they were saying.
I think it was naive, but at least the facts were not the opposite of what they were saying.
But with Breonna Taylor and George Floyd, the facts are the opposite.
And that's unique.
That's new.
So they're like, it's civil rights.
You know, we fought the war in Vietnam.
And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was different.
You had a semblance of a point then.
You don't got shit now, motherfucker.
All right.
Thanks for coming.
All right.
I love you guys.
Thank you.
Whoa.
That woman just said she loved me.
I don't think she meant it like that.
No, I think she did, dude.
I'm divorcing my wife.
I think it's not that.
No, I do.
Do you have that number saved?
I'm moving to Blank, wherever that is.
I don't think it's ethical to I'm worried about my kids now.
I'm not going to see them as much.
And I'm also worried about her kids.
I have new kids.
Well, you could just not do that.
My kid's a cheerleader now.
You like that.
No, yeah, you did.
Because you did this.
Cheerleader now.
No, I mean, like, it's crazy.
Now I got to get into cheerleading.
Pom-poms.
I have to go to the pom-pom store with my stepdaughter now.
You sound like you're enjoying all of this.
Really?
Yeah, you don't sound torn up at all.
It's just life.
Find your freak soldier!
It's just life when someone loves you.
Nice JPEG of that.
Yeah, that's a good JPEG drop.
Imagine if it moved, though?
What's that from?
Terminator.
You know what Terminator is in French?
Delmineto?
Terminetur.
Pretty much.
I just guessed.
I don't know.
This is really upsetting.
That's an assault gun.
Have you ever seen that?
No, I've seen it.
Yeah, the assault gun.
No, no, no.
They're fucking screaming.
I know you've seen guns.
No, no, this I have not seen.
Yeah, they're just crossing the street, too.
Like, they happen to be staying at that hotel or a convention center or whatever.
It's just like.
These assholes just need someone to pick on.
Fucking.
That's really upsetting.
It's like the riots in Bristol.
They just needed something to riot.
Imagine making kids feel scared.
Yeah.
Like, what the fuck?
Well, it's easy prey.
If you're a predator and you're weak, that's what you do.
That's what coyotes do, right?
They find her like six.
Black mother burying their babies.
That's her bitch.
Were blacks even treated this badly?
Like little black kids were there?
There's black and white photos of like the first day at school after segregation.
They're all like...
Was that?
Did that actually happen?
Yeah, right.
Okay, so it was the...
You're familiar with American history?
But was it that bad?
Like, they were yelling at children, black children?
Yes.
Black girl, I think it was one in particular, I forget her name, but she was the first, and they were all like, you don't belong here.
Oh, that's terrible.
So these black and white pictures are like.
Well, that's obviously the worst.
But replicating that.
Yeah, no one's supporting that.
Replicating that behavior is a very important thing.
You know when you're ever going to see a black and white photo of that.
Of the cheerleaders like...
With someone like, ha ha.
They're mid-stride.
Pom-pom and left hand for sure.
Yeah, but you know.
So much of this is just revenge, too.
That's not cool.
What makes you a fag?
The vaccine makes you a fag.
It's vaccination day.
It's vaccination day.
It's vaccination day.
Appointments are open.
I'm group four.
I don't have to stay here anymore.
I'm sick of eating.
Take out on these plates.
The time endors got me.
You're gay.
Wow.
There's the teen girl on the telephone on the wired telephone post.
Gay.
Totally straight.
Nice.
Those kind of vans, high-top vans on an adult?
Yeah, I think they're MTEs too.
Gay.
Weatherproof one.
Weatherproof high-top vans?
Unacceptable over the age of...
I'm going to go as low as 22.
He's got wacky bombas on.
Socks.
Totally straight, you mean?
Gay.
Oh, it's more Disney.
Faggots, sir.
I now recognize the song.
There's his wife, who hasn't had her pussy touched since her son was born.
And that was her son touching it with his head on the way out.
He's on the way out, too, of the closet.
Love you.
I think I know these people.
Game Boy.
But buddies.
Why do you love musicals so much, Daddy?
Guys, I'm really proud of you in quarantine.
Kids, you worked really hard.
And honey, I think our relationship's gotten a lot tighter now that we've been in a closer space.
I gotta get a replacement.
I gotta go meet my boyfriend.
It is the same because at least I'm free.
But then I'm going to an indoor place.
I'll be that guy who shows the bar.
My friend.
Look how gay the bar is, too.
He doesn't want to go to a dodge.
What the hell?
He wants to go to a place with like watermelon shots.
You know, a bar that has some sort of genital pun like Cox.
We have the pineapple.
He's pretending he can't do cartwheels well, even though he practices them with Todd every Thursday.
That's his sugar daddy.
Even though the vaccine is magic.
My fear of your death is not gone.
My fear of your death was just born.
They did the Christmas jammy.
Opie and Anthony made fun of this.
It's the whole in my Christmas jammies.
Can't take it.
Can't take it.
Can't take it.
Can't take it.
Can't take it.
Let's do one more call and wrap it up.
Blah blah.
Bah for the first time in forever.
That was so gay.
I could clean my palms.
I think I watched yes day and that video and Katie Paris and her husband all in one day.
I need to wash my insides.
How are you doing, Gavin?
Unzip myself, turn myself inside out and have a hot shower with a scrub brush.
My soul is dirty.
Just gonna send it.
All right, go ahead.
GPS, want to talk about Fox News, House Chicks.
Hap chicks.
Man, you have been an idol to me for a long time.
And a friend of mine that lives in New York that knows you told me he has seen you with his pants off.
And he said you are hung like a skin tag.
Wait, he's seen me with his pants off?
Were we together?
Why did I see him with his pants off?
I guess it was a gym or something.
I mean, he's in the cartoon or the, what do you call it there, the anime or whatever business.
But he said, you said he's seen you with his pants off.
He's seen you with your pants off.
No, they didn't say that, though.
You said he's seen you with his pants off.
So it implies that he was nude trying to look at me.
So you blew it.
You blew it, my friend.
You got to be grammatically correct when you come in on the attack.
You got to have all your ducks in a row.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
Thanks, Mr. Paul.
Good work.
He does love you, though.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
I wouldn't miss the dark.
I wouldn't say I don't.
I wouldn't try that night, but don't be dumb.
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