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Feb. 15, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:24:24
S03E73 - BE YOURSELF
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Time Text
Live from New York!
Cats you rock Mac knowledge, knowledge is beaten, collages, light up the mic, guard knowledge, block joints, the carriage points, come on, mola, roller, hola, play the guard, he back over the shoulder, roll tapes, play it like Nyx, check the franchise, run on my guys, my enterprise flash, many lives, repeller fakes like reflectors,
he had sugar in his hand, his last cracker with we forgot we had a show today, President's Day.
Kids are home from school, been kind of partying a little bit this weekend, got a little out of it.
Back to Scotch?
Yep.
Drank a bottle of fireball and a bottle of makers.
Went skiing.
Oh my god.
Hunter.
But that song was Daytona 500.
And I'm just listening to the lyrics right there.
I don't think the Wu-Tang clan had any idea what the fuck they were talking about.
Say peace to cats who rock Mac knowledge knowledges.
Street astrologists light up the mic god.
So this is just saying hi to people who are intelligent and have street smarts.
Okay.
Light up the mic god.
Acknowledge this.
Fly joints that carry two points.
What?
I don't think that means anything.
Corolla Motorola holder.
What?
This phone holder?
Play it, God, E-PAC over the shoulder.
What's an E-PAC?
Chrome Tanks, player like Yanks.
Check the franchise.
What franchise?
McDonald's?
Front on my guys, my enterprise Splash Money Lines.
Okay, I got that.
If you front on his guys, his gang, I guess his fellow drug dealers, I guess.
The story with Ghostface Killer was he was a ghostface because he would kill people and then vanish into the night.
Which I'm sure is a bunch of bullshit that you just make up.
I hung out with him once.
He said I was the realest nigga he met all day.
He must have stayed in that day.
That must have been it.
You say I'm not a real nigga?
No, no, no, no.
Just compared to other niggas that he might meet.
Well, he was doing press all day, so he wasn't really meeting a lot of real niggas.
I see.
Yeah, I could see that.
You were a pretty real-ass nigga.
Why?
Is he mad that I'm talking about it?
I think so.
You know, I have so many pictures of me and celebrities from back when I was palatable that I thought I could do a thing going, hey man, people are really cracking down on this terrorist bullshit, lies.
They're making me show up at work at my PJs.
I'm so fucking out of it.
I would really appreciate it if some of the people, you know, famous people could show their support with the hashtag IBACKGavin, right?
That would be cool.
And then I just show pictures of me in Knoxville, Mindy Kaling, David Cross, Zach Galifanakis, Hassam Minhaj, Ghostface Killer, Tommy Lee from Motley Crew.
Like I could, there's Jennifer Aniston, Justin Thoreau.
Yeah.
And they're all saying, I back Gavin.
Now you'd see my hair do change a bit, which could be a problem.
This broad?
That broad backs me.
I guess I got to get a haircut at some point, right?
Look at these guys.
Arctic monkeys or something?
Yeah.
Are they really?
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
They literally just look like the article.
I've never seen them before.
Yeah, that's who they are.
Sick.
Chrome tanks, player like Yanks, check the franchise.
Repel all fakes like reflectors.
Okay, I got that.
He had sugar in his ear from his last crack career.
Wait.
What has Ray Kwan said about this song?
Holy shit.
White people are so into black culture that they have, when you look up the lyrics to this song, you click on a word and it breaks down what it was about and how he feels about this.
For example, what has Ray Kwan said about this song?
I love that break beat, Nautilus.
Rizza just touched it a little bit, sped it up, and that right there was a definition of a real MC tapping a beat.
So I knew this was one I definitely had to make my business to come with authority on.
And I don't even know my shit might have went over 16.
Like I was just dogging it.
At that time, I guess we were hanging out with the Force MDs that day.
These are cats that are R ⁇ B superstars.
They came from Staten Island.
They're the only R ⁇ B group to really make an impact.
Now they call themselves MDs because they know the melodies.
Oh, okay.
Me and Ghost invited them to come to a track with us.
They were just chilling, getting drunk, bugging out.
They heard the beat.
We're like, damn, y'all niggas want us on this shit?
We were like, yeah, this one.
So it was an all-nighter.
They were going in there, trying shit, and we were like, ah, again, nah, yeah, nah, yeah.
Fucking intellectual commentary from Ray Kwan.
Oh, Ray Kwan.
Also, I was just reading some of your comments on this track we were just listening to.
I just have one brief question.
What is eight times seven?
What does the word invaluable mean?
What does the word non-plussed mean?
Here, don't look that up, Brian.
What does non-plussed mean?
Like, not affected.
I just know it from the context.
We're like, I'm non-plussed.
Like, I'm not affected and not phased by something.
Is that true?
So you're just guessing, by the way, the word sounds.
What's that got to do with context?
No, by the context, because people are like, what context?
He was non-plussed.
And then when they say that, they usually mean they're referring to somebody who's like, I'm not plussed.
What is plussed?
I don't know.
Plused isn't like maybe adding emotions to something that is neutral.
I just mean.
Just like that black poet with their just is.
Non-plus.
Just if.
You do all your research in the word.
Subtracting to tract from the sub.
Yeah, exactly.
You've got a bass.
What does it mean?
All right, I'll look it up.
You know, Ghost came in, and this was back then when Ghost used to get high.
So we were geeking high.
We were drunk, bugging out.
He may have been smoking Some dust before he came in.
He got under control.
You know, this is back in the wild, crazy days.
But at the end of the day, he was like, nigga, that's my album.
We go in on this.
You haven't said so much of this shit.
Okay, here's a line.
The MAC 10 flex wipe cats like Windex.
Index finger be sore bust in these fly scripts.
And now we have, this has 13 up votes and no down votes.
Genius annotation, four different contributors.
All right?
You spray Windex and then you wipe it off.
You spray Windex, you spray a MAC 10.
Index finger be sore bust in these fly scripts mean that he's producing so many fly rhymes, his index finger hurts.
This may be an oblique reference to the previous line, implying that the MAC 10 is a metaphorical reference to his rhyming ability.
I had the cartoonist Mark Bell once illustrate this song for Vice.
I wonder if that comes up.
And it really showed how fucking insane M-A-R-C-Bell.
You can't really put Daytona 500 in Google or you get 8 billion ghost face.
Ghost.
This isn't a very good way to start the show, is it?
Would this be on vice?
I can't find it.
Non-plussed means surprised, shocked, blown away.
But then I also saw unfazed.
What's up with that?
That's like the opposite.
It does not mean unfazed, only imbeciles think.
Oh, that's an adjective unphased, unaffected, unimpressed.
Well, that's wrong.
Look, you can't have the word mean the opposite.
That's the opposite of a thing, yeah, yeah.
Bewildered, unsure how to act or respond.
Unfazed.
This might be one of these things where so many people get it wrong so often that they've had to change it.
Like when you look up literally on Google, it says not literally.
Look at m-w.com.
That's Miriam Webster.
You know, the little black kid from that sitcom?
He wrote the dictionary.
Webster.
That's how old he is.
So I'm looking up non-plussed.
Yeah.
Let's see what the official.
Unsure about what to say, perplexed.
And then chiefly used in the U.S. Oh, wow.
You're right.
Right?
Chiefly U.S. That means like this is how it's interpreted in the U.S. Okay, no, the use of non-plus to mean unimpressed is an Americanism that has become increasingly common in recent decades.
Now appears frequently in published writing.
It apparently arose from confusion over the meaning of non-plus in ambiguous context, and it continues to be widely regarded as an error.
It is an error.
Wow.
Fucking hell.
That's regarded as an error.
I remember it was a whole VH1 campaign.
I'm not non-plussed.
I'm plussed, yo.
Yo, check it out.
VH1.
We all plussed here in this, his house.
What?
Like, can't they Google anything?
Anyone?
Today's book is Upheaval by Lou Dobbs.
Lou Dobbs has stayed on the straight and narrow of small government, socially liberal, anti-illegal immigration.
I think his wife's Mexican, runs a big ranch.
Awesome guy.
I've hung out with him a couple times.
Really smart, really funny dude.
He likes to laugh.
You don't see that much on the right people who love to laugh.
You know who else love to laugh?
That old black guy who just died of COVID that was anti-COVID said it's not a big deal.
And then he croaked.
Herman Kane?
Yeah.
Funny fucking dude.
And he just wants to party.
Usually when you meet these guys, especially like at a convention at the hotel bar or something, they're sick of talking about politics.
They want to talk about chicks and stuff.
And dumb, like Seinfeld type stuff.
Like, what's the bargaining situation at the Special Olympics?
So this was written in 2013.
Lou Dobbs was always a conservative, right?
2009, he left CNN because they were becoming radical.
CNN, about 10 years ago, wasn't that radical.
They were pretty normal.
And they would have right and left.
And then they discovered partisanship pays the bills.
So they started drifting off to the left.
Now they've gone off the left cliff.
But Lou was getting a little too uppity about illegal immigration.
And after September 11th, he declared, like me, that he was getting more radical.
Now, more radical just means fucking normal at this point, especially when you compare yourself to the far left.
But those were his days done at CNN.
So he tried some failed startup things, and then Fox News scooped him up and called his show Lou Dobbs Tonight.
And that just ended.
Why Fox News?
Look, CNN can't wait to do it.
Dobbs was the highest rated thing.
NPR media correspondent.
Oh, I know those.
Reliable sources.
They would throw somebody over the side and see if that was enough, he said.
This is an effort to cauterize the wound to distance Fox from this feverish conspiracy theory.
All right.
I remember now.
One of the Murdochs said he wanted to get rid of him.
And they have that lawsuit because of the voting machines, which is like a multi-billion dollar lawsuit.
Yeah, there it is.
$2.7 billion defamation lawsuit from SmartMatic.
Actually, SmartMatic tried to sue us, too.
Get out of here.
Yep.
They wanted $3 billion.
I said, what about $80 cash right now?
And a beer and a little toot.
And they went, oh, for fuck's sakes.
That's a good fucking deal.
No paperwork, right?
No, I did have paperwork, but I used crayons.
Oh, that's kind of fun.
Still legal.
Yeah.
It's a document.
So they got off our backs.
Never happened to me.
We are getting fucking attacked, though, by everyone trying to shut down this site.
It's crazy.
And they always say, oh, you don't like it?
It's the free market.
Build your own pirate ship.
Okay, I did.
And then I spent months layering it so people wouldn't hack it or destroy it.
And it's still under a constant siege.
I had to change the fucking name.
Anyway, he's been making about $3 million for a long time every year.
So I think he's going to be fine.
But he was canceled by Fox.
Here's another thing that's going on with Fox.
We've mentioned this a few times on the show.
Sky News owns them.
Sky News is worth something like $25 billion.
Fox is only worth $3 billion.
They want to sell it.
But in British law, there is a stupid rule where you can't include a contentious entity in your media package.
So they have to dilute Fox News down to be pretty darn mainstream.
Basically what CNN was in 2009.
That's what they have to make Fox.
So they're doing that.
Tucker's days have got to be numbered.
I'm stunned he's still there.
And then once they can do that, they can sell Sky.
And then what are we left with?
Anyway, this is 2013.
We're left with our own media.
Kevin Redd says Sky News is using Fox model to radicalize politics in Australia.
What?
I thought he was supposed to be conservative, this fucking prime minister.
Isn't it flip for them?
Did you stop moving the fucking screen around like that?
Jesus Christ, I'm going to get a seizure.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to zoom in in a good way so it fills it up and you could read it.
Where are the people at home?
We'll radicalize politics within a decade.
Kevin Rudd.
Why is Kevin...
Am I wrong?
What year is this?
Is this the present prime minister?
Because we were all excited when he was elected, yeah.
And he turns out to be a fucking pussy.
Yeah, they're trying to rat.
It's one news source, right?
Go turn on the TV right now.
There's CNN, MSNBC, all of this shit.
CBS, ABC, every single talk news host, talk show host, same exact politics.
One of them dares to stray.
And not that much.
We've seen what happens when Tucker is too rude, when he dared to point out that George Floyd OD'd, they came at him, guns a-blazing.
So one network dares, and it's relatively new, dares to stray from the liberal orthodoxy.
And, oh my God, it's this brainwashing machine.
They really are fucking Bolsheviks.
They're really out to destroy us.
You see, Trump's lawyer is getting his home attacked and his business right now.
Okay, yeah, I love these charts because, yes, there is OAN and there is Daily Caller and Daily Wire and Breitbart.
But as far as consumption goes, it's all the top guys.
Look at the top there.
That's what the mainstream, PBS, Bloomberg, something like eight out of the 10 podcasts in the country are PBS related.
Look at Vice up there.
Vice, Vox, Forbes.
Forbes has said they're going to be scrutinizing anyone who hires MAGA people for their business.
Basically auditing them.
They're considered neutral.
Yeah, they were.
We're censoring TV on there.
Which is off the graph.
Well, yeah.
All the way to the right.
I would say censored is...
Well, see, we don't really fit these because you think of like Daily Wire and Daily Caller and Breitbart.
They're all nerds.
Right.
Like we went off about Ghostface for 20 minutes.
Yeah, Ben does his thing about Cardi B. The wet-ass genital area.
No, he doesn't.
His thing about...
I'm having deja vu right now, by the way.
But his thing about Cardi B is still done from a very clinical, nerdy perspective.
He's not like, oh, this is Cardi B. She was a stripper, and this is her third album, blah, blah, blah.
He's not familiar with Cardi B. Like I am familiar with Ghost Face Killer.
See, I'm dope.
That's pretty dope.
What did you do this weekend?
Nothing much too crazy, but yesterday I went like a nice dinner, like tiny restaurant, like total, like broke out all stops.
How much was it?
It was like $112, not that much.
But when it came down to dessert, and he was like, do you want dessert?
She's like, yes, let's get a tiramisu.
And he was like, anything else?
She was like, espresso.
And I was like, and how about just a bowl of diamonds, too?
Why don't you just bring out a bullet?
And that was funny.
I'll be the judge of that.
For them.
So you didn't go to see your grandparents?
No.
You didn't go to kill them?
Kill them?
With my COVID?
Yeah.
No.
But I don't have COVID.
It's just that they're so paranoid about it.
It's like, it takes all the fun of going home.
I know, I know, but I kind of see their point.
Me too, me too.
I mean, she's, what, 89?
My great-grandmother's 94.
94.
Yeah.
Like, if I, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did give her COVID and she died.
That'd be all.
But you know what she said?
She was like, I don't care.
She's like, I don't want to.
She's like, she's basically saying, what good is it to just be around if I don't get to like hang out with my, like, she loves me to death.
She told me in front of other cousins.
I don't know.
She told me in front of my other.
She's always senile.
In front of my other cousins.
No, she always does that.
She was like, you were always my favorite in front of my other cousins.
So I was like, don't say that.
Because I know, like, I rule, but, you know.
She's 94.
She says what.
She's like, grabs my ass.
She's funny.
You fuck her?
No, I don't fuck.
No.
Nobody's doing that.
But she's just like, she's cute.
She grabbed my aunt's tits one time when she was new to the family.
She's like, hey.
She was like, Nana.
She's like a spunky little gal.
Sounds like she has dementia, dude.
No.
She remembers all sorts of shit.
She remembers my girlfriend.
We took a big move this weekend because she posted me on her story and tagged me.
So all of her friends are like, you're dating this monster?
Are you known as a monster?
What comes up if you Google you?
Let's see.
Hey, computer, who is Ryan Katsu Rivera?
Is it off?
Oh, yeah, because I had to plug in this hard drive.
I'm transferring, like, lots of, like, basically a terabyte.
Didn't I tell you to never unplug that again?
Yeah, but also it listens, like, when we're not even doing a show, it just blinks yellow.
You ever notice it doing that?
Yeah, I got nothing to hide.
Yeah, me too, but, you know.
I really got to do this data transfer because our hard drive is a little full up.
What did you do this weekend?
I went to Hunter.
Oh.
Vale.
I went skiing.
It sucked.
Was it icy?
So partied all Friday.
Wait, fought some dudes.
What?
Like, sparring.
Did I?
No, I chickened out.
Yeah, I chickened out because I have cracked ribs.
That's fair.
So we're driving, and we're going to do a two-hour drive.
I don't have a good excuse.
I just fucking pussied out, basically.
You still went to the gym?
Nope.
Oh, no, no.
You can't pussy out there live.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You want to move around a bit?
I'm doing strength and conditioning.
That's true.
I have done that before.
But no, we drove to Hunter, which is about two hours northwest.
And it's a cool hill.
It's got a little kid section, and then a big fat tumor on it that's all black diamonds.
But my wife's not good enough to be with my youngest boy in case he disappears off into the woods or something.
So I'm the only one qualified to ski with him.
So I'm skiing with an eight-year-old down greens all day.
And I'm a black diamond nigga.
True.
I got to stop using that swear word.
It's fun, though, isn't it?
It's fun to use in a context of like, like, peekaboo is a type of boxing Tyson invented, and you're like, I'm a peekaboo nigga.
Even if it was bitch, like, I'm like a jujube bitch.
Yeah.
You know, it's just fun.
Well, you're making fun of your whiteness in a way, which is what that country singer was doing.
That looks exactly where I was yesterday.
I think I've been to Hunter.
I've been to Wyndham.
See, this is fun.
You can go up there and do these little scoots.
Or if you go fast, you can make those into jumps.
Yeah, that's the exact hill I was on yesterday.
Going behind my son.
But I'm like, this is tedious.
And I didn't really get any time to go black diamonding by myself.
So.
Jobless?
It's just two days of greens.
I've been skiing since I was five.
So greens are a little slow.
Yeah.
And then, because it was the long weekend, if you want to ski at this time of year with COVID and everything, take your kids out of school.
Go on a Monday and a Tuesday.
The lineups were so fucking demoralizing that you just, it kills the fun.
It was half an hour every time.
Half an hour to get to the chair.
So by the time you're up there, unless you're getting four blowjobs on the way up, you're just like, this is not worth it.
And on Sunday, we must have done, we went to lunch and then after lunch, I'm sitting with my wife in the lineup and she just goes, I'm kind of over this.
And I go, yeah, me too.
So we went back.
We rented a little cabin.
Nice weather, though?
Perfect weather.
It was awesome.
Sweet.
And it's been snowing like crazy, so the snow was good.
Yeah, that's right.
Good point.
And then I went back and watched Netflix.
I think I watched every single episode of Leah Romini talking about Scientology.
Fascinating series.
She is alarmingly pretty, though.
So it's exactly like watching a documentary starring the elephant man.
And you're just supposed to look at him.
And plus, she's talking to normal people like this woman.
This woman's a very attractive young lady, right?
But compared to Leah Romini, she's a hideous beast who could be in the circus.
Because they keep cutting back to Leah and you're just like, oh my God.
Like, how do you not hit on her?
Look, she looks like a porn star.
I like her voice, too.
Yeah.
She's got that like smoker voice kind of.
A friend of mine, this Puerto Rican broad, grew up with her.
Oh, cool.
Scientology.
And look, that's the kind of people that you're also talking to.
So it's double.
Look, look at her.
Did you see that?
Yeah, that little flash.
See, look at him.
He looks like everyone, like my dad's friends, like a weird chicken man.
And then they cut to her, and you're just like, do you mind if I beat off while you cry?
And Leo, I'm talking to you.
And then I see him with her, right?
And they're obviously touring the country and they're staying at hotels and stuff.
And he must have hit on her just once.
Like, look at that.
How do you not want to jizz on those glasses?
You must be at the hotel and you're just like having some wine and then you just be like, assuming he's not married.
I think she's married.
Would you like to try a bit of a making out per chance?
It's totally distracting.
But you know all about Scientology, but the amazing thing about it.
Does this do anything?
He pulls his dick out.
Does this do anything?
Do you?
Does this do anything?
No, okay, I'll put it away.
It really comes down to the tax-exempt status with Scientology.
I believe that all the people they fuck over and get to drain their bank accounts who spend 90 grand, 200 grand, I don't think that's really relevant.
I'm sure it helps.
Whoa!
Look at her.
And then look at him.
And then look at her.
I think he tries to act cool around her.
He's like, one time we went to Costa Rica and we.
The local guerrillas, we had to fight back with spears.
Try to just like brag in front of her.
But I don't think he overtly hits on her.
I think he's got too much dignity.
They went to fight guerrillas in Costa Rica, did they?
Guerrillas.
Guerrillas.
Yeah.
What are guerrillas?
Guerrilla warfare, people.
That's pronounced the same as the primate.
It's guerrilla warfare.
That's true.
Not guerilla.
I just wanted to emphasize the difference.
And there's no guerrilla warfare in Costa Rica.
You're thinking maybe Nicaragua, El Salvador, basically every other country in Central America but Costa Rica?
Thanks to him.
Wow, you suck.
Not only is the executive fucking.
So they buy real estate.
No one can compete with their bids because they don't pay tax.
So they get this real estate dirt cheap, pay no tax, let it age, flip it.
Basically, they're like Trump.
They're flipping commercial real estate and making a fucking fortune.
Of course, they have to justify buying these buildings.
So they say, oh, this is the National Health Crisis Center.
And there's maybe two people in it as they renovate it.
And then the top brass, like David Miskavidge, Miscavige?
Mrs. Cabbage.
They would just buy, they don't have to own anything.
So they just live in a giant mansion on the ocean And say, oh, this is the Clarity Awareness Project Center.
And you invite two people over once, and you're doing research.
And then, you know, you buy a jet, you get a first-class flight.
This is all Scientology.
So you don't really need to own anything.
You just keep spending and spending and calling it the church.
That's what I think is their quote-unquote genius, evil genius plan.
And then they got that way by terrorizing IRS officials until the IRS said, please just leave me alone.
Yes, you're a religion.
Yes, you're tax exempt.
Look at these weird places.
Then you know how to pick them.
Well, I'm not a commercial real estate guy, but I know some.
And once they get to a certain level of skill, it's just a bunch of algorithms.
What's the average income in the area?
What's the real estate price has been doing over the past 10 years?
I mean, a robot could do it.
No offense, commercial real estate guys.
I got a lot of shit.
So I watched that with a boner.
And then I watched this Alyssa Tan thing where this Asian girl, Chinese girl, disappeared.
And they found her at the Cecil Hotel in the water tank.
Oh, Alyssa Lamb.
No.
Yeah.
Alyssa Lamb.
Was that her name?
I'm very familiar with this.
Yeah, it's one of the creepiest things ever.
There's blood water and body water involved.
Yeah, I mean, we just spoiled it.
Spoiler alert.
Don't listen to me talking.
But I don't know.
It's like visible minority privilege.
Not one person in the whole dock goes, what the fuck were the parents thinking?
She's a young girl.
She's severely medicated.
She's bipolar.
She's mentally ill.
And they let her go traveling by herself to the slums of fucking San Francisco.
What?
What are you doing?
Those two are really hamming it up.
I think they want a settlement.
So they're like, yeah, the water was gross.
And ooh, we died.
I was so scared.
We died.
But yeah, if your daughter is medicated bipolar, and we've all known what happens with schizophrenics and bipolar types, when they stop taking their medication, they go cuckoo.
So she went cuckoo.
So it's exactly like your daughter.
Say she was so allergic to peanuts that if there's peanut mist in the air of a plane, she'll have aphylectic shock.
You have to go traveling with her.
Sorry, I guess forever.
And she needs an EpiPen in your hand, ready to rock.
And this is the exact same.
Like imagine a severe, severe diabetic who is occasionally negligent about insulin.
I'm going with you and making sure we test your blood regularly.
But you can't criticize someone with a dead daughter, so they don't mention that.
I would.
What were you thinking, you shitty Chinese parents?
You stupid Chinese shitheads.
And it's a miracle they let them keep a daughter in the first place, right?
Don't they just throw them off a cliff?
That's in China, sweetheart.
Oh.
They live in...
I forget where they live.
Oh, they live in Burnaby, B.C., outside of Vancouver.
So we put it out.
So you don't think there's anything supernatural or weird about it?
Do you feel like it's conclusive?
She just got off the fence?
Yeah, I knew it from the very beginning.
You know what throws it off?
Just that her doing that witchy dance in the elevator.
That really makes you think that there's like a ghost involved or something.
So that's detect.
Do you have the detective shitty bumper?
I sure do.
I don't know why I would trigger such a graphic when I've made a valid point, but it might be.
That's so rude.
That's bloody rude.
That guy has to do all of our bumpers from now on, please.
Yeah.
No, it was not a ghost that killed her.
It was the ghost.
I had an idea, too, with bipolar people.
I get that they don't want to take their medication.
I hear that it's like wearing anvils for shoes.
You're just gong, gong, gong.
Like they want to be crazy.
They want to be beside the elevator going, blip, doop, blip, doop, jup, doop.
That's why a lot of them skip their medication.
They want to indulge in their insanity.
And I don't blame them.
So what I recommend is a large zoo-like park for bipolar people where you make sure that they can't, there's no sharp objects, there's no cliffs, lots of soft edges, a lot of balloons and bouncy things, like a giant kid's park,
really.
And it's like a square mile.
And people, bipolar people can come visit my center.
It's called Zani Zoo.
And for a fee, we make sure we have security guards there, no weapons, no shoelaces, you wear soft shoes.
And for five days, you cannot take your meds.
And you're allowed to indulge.
I remember hearing about this famous movie star from the 30s, maybe it was the 40s.
And he was an alcoholic, but he knew that that would ruin his career.
So after he's done a movie, he knew he had a break for a while, he would get a hotel room, sit in the bathtub, and basically drink himself almost to death, like three bottles of scotch.
And he would piss and shit himself in the bathtub, but it wouldn't be an issue.
I think he'd be nude in there.
And he would just sit in a bathtub for three days getting annihilated.
And then he would go back to normal life.
It's someone like Humphrey Bogart or someone like that.
What are you doing?
I'm looking up padded houses.
Why wouldn't you look up movie star bathtub alcohol?
Padded houses?
Are you working at the same show I'm on?
I was trying to see because it's for mentally ill bipolar people.
So I was like, do they have a house made entirely of padded alcohol?
Well, that's for like when people are suicidal and stuff.
I want the fun part of your insanity.
Like Dr. John, who you can read about in my hit book, Death of Cool, he stopped his meds and he had Snuggles the Dog and the Ubermensch and you were a bear and you eat in the garbage.
And he was recording an opera about Snuggles the Dog and the Ubermensch.
And he was having a gay old time.
He was happy, genuinely happy.
I'd hear him giggling in his tent, which was, of course, a children's tent, which meant his boots stuck out the bottom because it was way too small for him.
It was snowing.
So he'd have his boots outside in the snow connected to his body.
But he loved it.
And I get that.
They should be able to indulge in their lunacy.
So what do you say?
I say let's do it.
Maybe it's two weeks a year.
I think it's Spencer Tracy, right?
What is it?
That sounds right.
It's not loading, but yeah, I think so.
Spencer Tracy, he's a bum.
You're a no good bum, Spencer, and you're on a one-way ticket at Pelocaval.
He looks like the kind of guy who drinks in the bath and pisses and shits himself.
But yeah, you should be able to let loose.
Foot loose.
Get on your sundance shoes.
Please, Louise, roll me up on my knees.
Jack, get back.
Get on the fun road track.
Everybody cut foot loose.
And then it's like, sorry, guys, back to your medication now.
Time to get shitty again.
Yeah, that's kind of a great idea.
Like a safe mentally ill theme park.
I just, I don't like all this control.
People should be, you know how I always say, the person yelling is always right.
Like, or these guys who dump this girl, she's a real crazy bitch.
Yeah, what's the matter with that?
Or like that guy fixing me.
You know that comedian talks like this who has a fixing Joe Mataris?
Joe Mataris.
Fixing Joe Mataris.
And he goes, yeah, my temper used to be really, I don't do a very good Joe Mataris.
Do your Joe Matters.
My temper used to be really bad.
My temper used to be really bad.
I was taking Xanax and all sorts of stuff.
I used to do it really good, but it's been a while.
No, he, no, the Xanax is what he's on now.
So he used to have a terrible temper, according to him, but luckily his doctor wife, we can't wait to drop that his wife's a doctor, by the way.
His doctor wife, who I believe pays all their bills.
There she is.
My name's Joe.
I'm from Cherry Hill, New Jersey, and I'm going to be doing stand-up comedy today.
Stand-up comedy.
I've been doing stand-up comedy since I was 19 years old.
My parents sold.
Let's see it.
He's one of those guys like Rich Voss that just is fairly talented, but just doesn't have a career.
Yeah.
You got to go back a bit if you're going to hear his jokes.
For some of my performances in my own living room, you know?
Like, there's a lot of acting in basement.
Blew out his ACL stepping over a baby gate or two in the morning.
I think another reason why I feel old is I'm 46 with a six-year-old and a one-year-old, you know?
Like, there's a lot of acting involved in being a dad, you know?
A lot of pretending you care.
Nice setup.
I think I could win an Oscar for some of my performances in my own living room.
The category would be nominees for best caring in a non-caring situation by a father.
Joe, Luke's father, for saying, yeah, that really is a cool leaf.
Yikes.
Cute.
Nice and clean.
Anyway, Joe told me he used to like, oh man, I had the worst temper.
No, I would like, I'd get road rage.
I'd punch a guy's car if he cut me off.
Good.
Or I would fucking punch holes in my wall.
Yeah.
Every man should have a Mexican that comes by once every two months to fix the hole in your wall.
And don't tell me you can do it yourself.
I can always tell when you did it yourself.
The Mexicans have a magic touch.
They have a miracle spackle.
And you cannot see where the hole was at all.
And that should happen a few times a year.
That's called being a man.
They can make leaks stop by just saying they will.
I made...
Yeah, yeah, like the leak in our studio.
He will fix yourself.
What?
Maybe they're magic.
Like an A-cup sauce.
Are Mexicans magic?
Is that what's going on here?
Is that why we keep letting them in?
Maybe.
Because they're magic.
They're like brown leprechauns.
No, but I was talking to my wife about this in the car.
I don't think she liked it.
But seeing people support...
I remember back when Hillary was being elected and I saw this guy on the train and he had a big fat Hillary pin.
Like young boys, young men should be getting into trouble.
They should not be, I don't know, supporting.
Or like the kid I told you about at the other ski hill who saw me without my mask and he goes, I just saw another other fucker not wearing a mask.
He was about 19.
Like, it's not just a war on masculinity.
It's a war on misbehaving.
Anyway, sorry.
Life experience.
I'm dragging out this Joe Matarisse thing.
So he goes, yeah, I used to have this really bad temper, man.
And then my wife started getting me on Xanax, and it's really helped now.
I never lose my temper at all.
I haven't punched a hole in anything in forever.
I'm really calm now.
That's not good.
You shouldn't be calm.
You should be angry.
You should be yelling.
Yelling is good for you.
I think not yelling gives you cancer.
Keeping it all bottled up like that inside you.
There's something to that, yeah.
It's not good.
Yeah, like rock stars used to like trash hotel rooms and stuff, and everybody's just so tame.
Well, women aren't tame.
Women have the opposite problem.
It's almost like they've taken over the role.
I saw this woman the other day.
It was kind of cool, actually.
But she tackled a child molester.
Some guy was peering in her window, and he's, they, holy shit, there's some guy looking in your daughter's window.
And she comes outside, mama bear, what the fuck?
And he's running for it, and she checks him right out of the Kansas City Chiefs.
Like it was, it looks like a football move.
Now, I know I say on this show, can we stop getting violent ladies?
You can't take a guy.
I don't know, man.
This might be the exception to the rule.
I think this chick's been working out.
Yeah, that's it.
Like, this doesn't look like a frail little petunia.
This looks like a broad who's tackled some other people in the past.
There's Dash Cam rolling when a kitchen area tackles suspected people who she's walking into her daughter's bedroom.
KPRC2's Michael Leparti.
And the cops were there already.
Oh, but she just went there.
She just wanted to nip it in the bud.
That's funny.
Ew, I hate your fucking zip sweater, you fag.
It's a full zip.
No, it's not.
Yeah, yeah, it's just dark.
I thought it was a quarter zip, too.
Look at that.
That zipper goes down.
No, it doesn't.
Yeah, it does.
I'm looking at it.
Hey, look, I'll zoom.
I don't think it goes all the way down.
You think it stops right now?
Not that that's much better.
Pretty chilly.
I don't like this time, though.
Oh, I'm a little chilly.
I better put on a sweater.
That's what your mother says.
That's what your doting mother says when you go outside.
Honey, put on a sweater.
Okay, ma.
You're 45, dude.
You have your own family.
Don't put on a sweater.
Sweater.
When do sweaters ever make any fucking sense?
Yes, ma'am.
You're always boiling in them.
Maybe in Scotland you can wear a sweater.
But if you wear a sweater on a cold day, you go inside and you start getting claustrophobic.
I always take my shit off.
From two officers.
That's what I like about Puerto Ricans.
They'll have a North Star, North Face, super coat, Timberlands, and then a t-shirt on underneath.
Like a wife beater on the under.
So when they get to their place, they hang up their jacket and they're fine.
Hell yeah.
Oh, is that the guy?
Until officers caught up one second later.
Puts themselves in harm way to assist in the middle.
The cop, you know, fist bumped me in.
He was like, hey, so I heard Texans are looking for a new linebacker.
And while she can laugh about it now, Phyllis was in mom mode at the time, saying she just wanted to protect her kids.
She fucked up her elbow for sure.
Yeah, that's enough.
He looks kind of young.
The peeper?
Yeah, that's obviously terrible.
We're against peeping.
Oh, but maybe they're around the same age.
When it's a 40-year-old, that's one thing.
That's just, I want to kill him.
When it's a 16-year-old, I want to just beat him up pretty bad.
You'd be like, hey.
No need for cops.
That's another thing, too, with all of this stuff.
Like, when we used to have handout beatings, you didn't need the police to handle 100% of everything in your life.
We're getting into this mass conformity where masculinity, yelling is evil.
You have to follow the rules.
And if anyone strays from the rules, don't confront them.
No, just call the police secretly.
Snitch on them.
And journalists are taking it up, taking up arms, doing the same thing.
These journalists are just calling, bitching, complaining.
Yeah, I know this is a terrible take, but I almost feel sorry for him.
I remember being that horny at that age.
I mean, how old was the daughter?
Oh, I better watch that too.
What if she was four?
I don't know.
But if they're both 16, I'm just like, as the dad, I'm going to kick the living shit out of you.
He might be like, oh, she's my age, but she's not.
It's not the same.
We've lost all of this perspective, too.
15-year-old daughter's...
I mean, how old was he?
Oh, he's 19.
Wait, wait.
Is that it?
Yeah, 15.
He's 19 and she's 15.
So as far as evil, disgusting perverts go, this is one of the better case scenarios.
I mean, come on.
We've talked about this before.
There's a scale.
A 30-year-old teacher, female teacher, sleeping with a 16-year-old boy.
I think it's bad, especially if he's a virgin, he lost his innocence.
He's probably, as Jimmy Kimmel said, back in easier times, the father unfortunately passed away.
He died from excessive high fives.
A 30-year-old male teacher and a 16-year-old daughter.
Let's slowly cut him into pieces that are no bigger than a sugar cube.
Really take our time.
We'll have hacksaws.
It's obviously a different scenario, but it's not treated.
I actually saw a trial once where they said, if this was a man and the student was a woman, he'd be buried under the courthouse right now.
And you're watching it going, yeah, because men and women are different.
Anyway, this is a short episode because it's a holiday.
Let's jump into the mailbag.
Okey-dokey.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes together.
Let me touch it.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to my Grandba Leembaum.
To Grandba Leembaum.
This show is dedicated to Grandma Leanbaum.
I'm sure there's a grandma somewhere named Leanbaum.
John Knox, the first proud boy.
Dear Gavin, your fellow Scottish countryman.
Oh, I got an interesting letter too from this British guy who said that there's weird shit going on when he checks out censored.tv.
But I'll get to that in a second.
Your fellow Scottish countryman, John Knox, the founder of the Scottish Presbyterian Church, wrote, quote unquote, the first blast of the trumpet against the monstrous regiment of women, making a strong argument for why women should not be rulers.
Ballsy.
At the time, Catherine de Medici ruled France.
Marie de Lorraine, followed by Mary Queen of Scots, ruled Scotland.
I just barfed.
And Mary Tudor, followed by Elizabeth, ruled England.
A lot of burning at the stake and very refined torture was being done under the benevolent rule of women.
Very refined.
Can you please read your letters before you send them?
Maybe you had a great point.
Great Britain had a queen for almost 70 years.
Is it better off now than 70 years ago?
If this argument were applied to a democracy, would it stand for the proposition that a woman should not vote?
In the USA, women have been voting now for 100 years.
Has it gotten better or worse?
Worse.
As we've always said, women should have the right to vote, but they shouldn't vote.
And of course women rulers Are going to be monsters.
We've tried this.
It was called Paganism, where they threw babies into the fucking fire pits and threw women, virgins, sacrificed them to the gods.
Women have this, like, this murderous instinct where they want to protect their young.
So once you can get it in their head that they're protecting their young, they'll kill everyone in their past, including babies.
Because abortion is a...
I don't know how they twisted that into being pro-choice, but.
Hey, Gavin Rye, check out these Brits demonstrating a proper KO.
Hopefully the big guy is paid well.
More videos with blah, blah, blah, like your new sunglasses, John.
This guy getting paid to be knocked out.
Basically, jumping up, giving speed, giving that illusion of downward power, okay?
And it really is.
And the idea is you want to aim here at the chin.
Okay, Josh is a big lad, so to actually get to him, a bit of power, a bit of height would actually do that for me, and enable me to get through to his chin.
So from there, if I take the plant to Josh's chin sort of size or height, it's all surprising.
Instead of standing there and throwing a punch where he's going to actually see it, jumping up, bringing your hands down, bringing yourself down at around about a 15-degree angle, straight the way through.
Or turning your punches over.
It's leaning forward.
Okay, is this guy going to get punched in the head?
Why am I watching this?
Straight the way down.
Okay, so you're bringing yourself up onto that height.
Oh, sure does.
Exactly how effective the Superman punch is, providing some right.
That's one.
That was properly out, that was.
Let's just curl him up.
Throw him in the garbage.
Is that real, do you think?
He needs proper help now.
Getting knocked out is one of the worst things imaginable.
It sucks so much.
Your brain hurts after a while.
You wake up, you have no idea who your parents are, what your name is.
That looks fake.
Really?
Yeah.
Got him under the chin.
Please listen.
Someone sent us this email like 20 times.
I bet it sucks.
You can just tell.
Wait, comments are turned off for that, by the way, so perhaps, maybe you're right.
Why is someone sending us this shit?
Jump in the middle.
Mediocre Asian pop.
Thanks for the heads up, guys.
Thanks for the tip.
Hi, Gavin.
I'm Ryan.
I just want to mention how happy I am.
I took your advice and started a family with my lovely wife.
Yeah, I'm on all these terror watch lists because I, according to the radical left, am a radical rightist who incites violence and riots.
But most of what I do is convince guys to put a ring on it.
For many years, we thought we would prefer to never have kids and keep our freedom.
It was not until we had our first daughter that we realized how retarded we had been for not wanting this sooner.
Thank you.
And the reason why I do this is because I was there.
When I first met my wife, I was like, the world's overpopulated.
I'm always going to live downtown and be the fucking heavy shit punk dude who lives on the edge, so I can't have kids.
And she convinced me to have a kid.
And then once I had one, I went, what the fuck was I waiting for?
But I was only able to make two more.
She spent a large portion of her life watching the show with her mother and I. When you guys come on, she waves and claps.
Picture proof included.
Oh, good.
Thanks for the kick in the balls.
It was a life changer.
You're welcome, sir.
And thank you for your service.
And thank her for her cervix.
My wife loves The Bachelor and are having a huge controversy right now because one of the contestants this season was pictured at an antebellum-themed sorority party when she was in college.
Now everyone is accusing her of racism.
The longtime host of The Bachelor, Chris Harrison, defended her and blasted cancer culture in a recent interview.
Once the mob came for him, he immediately capitulated and begged for mercy.
I've attached his official apology.
Is this the weakest thing you've ever seen?
Okay, so I'm not a southerner.
I have a lot of respect for the south, and every time I meet people from there, they're fucking awesome.
Now, an antebellum party, is that necessarily glorifying slavery?
There was that band antebellum, who had to change their name.
Doesn't antebellum just mean old-timey South?
And if it does, only what, 2% of the population owns slaves?
So 98% of these people dressed up at these parties didn't have slaves.
Now, I guess there was segregation, right?
So you wouldn't have a black person at a party with plantation owners.
But isn't that true of everywhere?
Like, if you have an old-timey northern party, what if you have like a flapper party?
Hello, my baby.
Hello, my honey.
Hello, my ragtime gal.
Isn't that you doing something in the segregationist era?
Or what if like you dress up for Halloween as a World War I soldier?
Wasn't there segregation back then?
Like just because there was a bad thing in that time means you have to just sort of X that time out of your life.
The whole time.
The whole time.
Anything invented there, if pumpernickel bread started when slavery was around, fuck pumpernickel.
And like, is the implication of these party?
They just look like Southern bells to me.
Is the implication, oh my God, look at those tits.
If she came near me and I had four beers, I would have to sprint in the opposite direction because I wouldn't trust my hands not to just grab those.
How can you not grab those?
Would you rather grab those or kiss Leah Romini on the cheek?
I'd grab those.
You'd grab those.
I'll grab those.
You go ahead and you'd grab those.
She's as hot as Leah Romini, I assume.
I'm not too big on blur heads.
But yeah, so this is implicitly racist.
Anyway, this guy, the host, this was a big thing.
I saw a lot of shit this weekend about your dog being racist.
Is your dog racist?
Yes.
They can learn a lot of things from the way you behave.
I think if dogs bark at black people more, it's usually because dogs are colorblind and the black people are easier to see.
That's one theory I heard.
But then I saw another article on how to deal with your racist dog.
Kill him.
We really hate him.
What did you look up?
I was looking up antebellum slave party.
I Stumbled across some pictures from that party.
They had black people on leashes and them wearing the dresses.
Oh, okay.
Well, that's pretty bad.
I'm just kidding.
We know.
So he goes, I spent the last few days listening to the pain my words have caused, and I'm deeply remorseful.
This is fucking religious Puritanism.
We're listening to someone who blasphemed the racist gods, the racial equality gods.
Is that so racist?
It's so raven.
I know that much.
I have no one to blame but myself for what I said and the way I spoke.
I set standards for myself and have not met them.
I feel that with every fiber of my being.
I mean, we're looking at the Soviet Union right now.
This is Stalinism.
Now, just as I taught my children to stand up and to own their actions, I will do the same.
By excusing historical racism, I defended it.
I invoked the term woke police, which is unacceptable.
I am ashamed over how uninformed I was.
I was so wrong.
They should get that black poet to read this.
To the black community, to the BIPOC community.
I am so sorry.
My words were harmful.
I am listening, and I truly apologize for my ignorance and any pain it caused you.
I want to give my heartfelt thanks to the people from these communities who I've had enlightening conversations with over the past few days, and I'm so grateful to those who have reached out to help me on my path to anti-racism.
All he said was, he didn't even defend the antebellum party.
He said, look, we don't need to attack this young girl for something she did a few years ago.
These parties were pretty common in school back then.
There was probably 50 million people who have been to an antebellum party.
Let's take it easy on her.
Nope, now he has to step down.
Okay.
All right.
Can everyone else be held to this kind of account?
Can everyone black who's ever said bad things about white people, can they be held to account?
What about the woman who fucking murdered her adopted white kid after bitching about white privilege?
Can she be held to account, please?
I don't see her splattered all over the news.
I mean, the police got her for murder, but there didn't seem to be much social stigma.
Sorry, guys.
Statue made you look like Ned Flanders.
He's talking about the Warvet statue?
Fuck you.
It's one of the most beautiful things that's ever been sent to the show.
Did we get that yet?
We did not.
I thought you sent me a box that said, we're in business.
I don't think that happened.
We're in business.
Yeah, you sent me a text, and it was a picture of a box, and it had the studio's address.
And you were like, ready to wreck.
Here we come.
Yayo!
And I thought, what box are we expecting?
How do you not remember this?
Not ringing any bells?
No.
Hmm.
That's strange.
Was this recently?
Of course it was recently.
No, I don't remember that.
I can't find it now in my text.
There's one for Gary.
By the way, I was thinking with Gary's mailbag, all the letters he does, they don't necessarily have to be for Gary's mailbag.
Hmm.
Okay.
As long as they're timeless and I don't need to respond to them.
Oh, okay.
So we can knock some of the mailbag out, the general mailbag, with that.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's good because we really need people to keep writing in for longer episodes.
But we usually run out of letters.
So every email can be.
No.
Doesn't matter if it says, hey, Gavin and Ryan.
What's up, Gavinator and Stir Fry Rye?
COVID has been crushing us for a year now.
When the fuck will this end?
I hear from people daily that we will never go back to normal.
For the rest of our lives, we'll have to wear masks, social distance, Nazi loved ones.
Do you actually believe this?
I'm about ready to sell everything and move to a country where I can live my life like Trudeau Stein.
What do you think, man?
Also, is it weird that I'm attracted to AOC, but I can't stand it at the same time?
Stay safe, boys.
Yeah, I don't get the whole like fawning over AOC.
I do not find her attractive.
Yeah, I don't think we'll be the same ever.
I saw someone on Twitter saying, school is never going to be the same.
You're never going to be walking down the halls like you were in the 80s with your book bag and all that stuff.
That's done.
We may go back to school, but there's always going to be precautions.
And again, the death toll in America this year was the same it was last year and the same it was the year before that.
It's been going up 0.8% a year.
All they did was funnel all the other deaths into COVID.
The only person that had COVID that died and wasn't listed as COVID death was George Floyd.
Hey, Gavin and Ryan, I'm perpetually trying to catch up on JuML episodes and finish the Brown Privilege episode.
Please forgive me if my comment has already been made in a future episode.
Your final video for this episode was an angry dad throwing a kid to the ground at a Russian playground.
The point you made was that Russia still had the cultural mentality that shitty kids should be physically punished and that this mentally had died, mentality had died in America in the 80s.
I would like to posit that it actually demonstrates the backwardness of Islamic culture.
The guy who threw the kid to the ground was clearly a Chechen migrant.
Russia has a really horrific history in dealing with Chechens in recent history.
Moscow theater, Belson School, subway bombings.
They are radically Islamic and very backwards.
They move into Russian urban centers and they don't assimilate.
From all we can tell from the video, a little Chechen boy is standing by a tire swing when a random Chechen guy walks up and throws the kid to the ground, knocking him unconscious.
I kind of get your point about this being about tough dads, but it's really about the dangers of importing the third world.
Yeah.
I mean, we didn't see the details of what led up to that, but throwing a child to the ground and knocking him unconscious is definitely considered beyond the pale.
And it's funny how you have Russians who are white, among Chechens who are white, and you see just such a vast difference in those two groups.
There's lots of Gary stuff here.
This is from John.
You're more of a fighter.
Focus on what needs changing and change it.
Don't get complacent type of guy.
So am I. What is your perspective on gratitude?
The other day at family dinner, I looked around the table at my four beautiful kids that my lovely wife gave me.
We were safe eating good food in a nice house.
I realized all the fighting I've been doing this past 18 years has yielded a good life.
I felt grateful that God has blessed me like this.
You fight harder than I. Do you have time to take a moment to consider that kind of stuff?
Thanks.
Yeah, I find traveling, going on little stupid trips, really helps.
Like our trip this weekend.
We're back with the kids.
Yes, they were on their screens too much, but we're on the slopes.
We're talking on the chairlift.
You know, you go up the first chairlift with your littlest boy, and he doesn't say much.
Then the second chairlift, they say a bit more.
Then the third chairlift, they're just chatting away.
I've noticed that too when I would take my youngest.
It's easy to get my others talking.
I just ask them questions, but it's harder with my youngest.
But I'd say, you want to go to this place?
You want to go boxing?
You want to go and walk?
You want to play Mini Putt?
And he's like, no, because they just want to play video games.
Then you drag them there, and they're quiet the whole drive there because they're pissed off because kids don't like change.
And I get that.
You know, the ones who did are dead.
Meaning, like, if you're a cave boy and you decide to go wandering, you're going to get lost.
So young people have this natural instinct to eat bland food and not want to take risks.
It's a survival instinct that I understand.
But then you go to the mini putt and you come back and he won't shut up, chatting away the whole drive back.
I opened him up.
I got him out of his shell.
And I think that's a really good way to appreciate what you have.
Just change the perspective.
And when your wife's fighting and you've got trouble at home or your wife's upset about something, go on a stupid fucking trip.
Get a hotel room in a nearby place with nothing planned.
They jumping down on the beds, they get to watch TV.
Maybe you get a suite and they have their own room.
Just a different perspective.
Just shift it a bit.
My wife and I were going through a slightly rocky time last week.
And Friday night, you know what we were doing?
At this cabin we rented, we were dancing so much.
And by the way, I think I'm a better dancer than her.
But we were dancing so much that the youngest boy came out and told us to please turn the music down.
That's a good thing.
That's awesome.
Hey, Gavin, I thought I'd bring you some news from the future American Dystopia of the UK.
This is the letter I was talking about earlier.
I've already read it.
And he's talking about how I said, I love going to Britain because I get to see what America will look like in five years.
And it'll be worse.
I was browsing through some fairly innocuous YouTube videos at the weekend when a paid advertisement plays in front of the Biden parody video below.
It was for far-right extremism deprogramming charity Exit UK.
In particular, Nathan's story.
You don't say it's a white dude.
How many times does Exit UK help de-radicalize Muslims?
I'm guessing never.
Let's check it out.
I said the M-word a long time ago.
I did a lot of stuff online, but I also did a lot of stuff that could have got me thrown in jail.
If I hadn't gotten in touch with Exit UK, I'd probably be behind bars.
I was a yob, a dead-end yob.
Where I grew up, there was nothing to do.
I used to spend hours gaming.
And I got chatting to people and just asking questions about immigration.
Does it seem like the problems that it could bring?
It does seem pretty phony, doesn't it?
Oh, the way he's saying the lines and his face.
Yeah, he's so confident and smooth.
It looks like a problem.
It doesn't seem like immigration.
The problems that it could bring.
Then the group opened up a whole new world.
Life wasn't boring.
In the private chats, there was sick images.
People were calling for murder.
Everything was about the group.
My life outside was affected massively.
My grades fell.
My friends slowly started disappearing.
Okay, go to the next one.
They're all white guys, by the way, just like I said.
Let's hear Kevin's story.
What's going on with Kev?
I can see the script as he's talking.
I was getting to football, and I was associating with people that I shouldn't have been associating with, but I felt like I had a family, I had a home, and I felt like I belong, you know.
And part of that belonging was telling other people they don't belong.
If it wasn't for Exit UK, I would have been in the UK and we would have been lynching, well, what we called at the time, WOGS.
And I'm really happy we didn't.
Because now I work for the Islam Relief Center, where we help ingratiate Soccer Hooligans into Islam and show them everything from how to make a banana curry to how to smite ye above your neck.
Let's check out Kevin.
I'm guessing, and by the way, Detective Shitty was the first one to catch this, folks.
If he has one talent, it's catching fake videos.
It's probably because it's all he's done for the past 30 years.
Hello?
My mom chucked us out just after my 19th.
She just slamped our on us.
I got right into the football thing, you know, when I was a kid, so I joined a firm.
Immediately.
I loved the bulls.
He's so fake.
It's so fake.
The way he's looking at the ground, the fake sluttering, it got really serious, and it sort of took over my life.
If it weren't for X8UK, I'd probably not be here talking to you right now.
That's what the last guy said.
Same writer.
Devil's advocate.
What if this is a real person, but they know they're on camera, so they're acting weird?
Yeah, but it's exactly the same.
And it's the whole drama club thing.
And who sits on a countertop?
You're right.
But I wasn't so sure.
My ass is wet.
I used to wash my feet in the sink.
I got this feeling, I thought I was shitting myself or pissing myself.
I realized I was sitting on tea towels.
I was sitting on a sink.
I needed a dish rack.
You know, you put a drink.
I was a human dish rack.
People put bowls on me to dry for hours.
Just like.
Yeah, I got some.
Why am I always wet?
And I realised it's because I was a fucking dish rack.
It was a hell of a clicker.
I had a lot of little doubts and worries.
And to be honest.
Yeah.
I don't think you're being honest.
I miss my mum.
Oh.
Oh, he misses his mommy.
I miss having the delivery of the line suit, to be honest.
I miss my mum.
I was getting out with louts.
We were shouting.
Like a bunch of lads, a bunch of yobs.
I was watching Tommy Robinson, and I thought to myself, I want to kill a packy.
And I did.
And I did 34 years.
I'm actually 68 years old.
But my mum works at Oil of Lais.
She keeps my skin looking milky.
I'm actually a granddad.
It just spirals.
I'm one of the sexiest granddads in Birmingham.
All right, let's hear Jack's story.
I'm guessing we're about to see another drama club kid who looks at the ground and then delivers a pithy line right at the Calendar.
And if it wasn't for Exit UK, I'd be dead.
He's a boxer.
I love my country.
I used to call the boxing bags darkies.
I'd only hit the black bags.
I'd been fighting all my life on the streets, in the service, and then back on the streets.
I called the heavy bag the heavy D-bag.
He's fighting in the bag.
Contracting exit UK was one of the biggest challenges of my life.
When I got out of the army, I joined a group that was all about getting England back to where it should be.
This sounds similar to that.
People like me were expected to be the ones who'd get their hands dirty and wouldn't ask questions.
The big ones at the top.
But they never got their hands dirty.
They never got nicked.
They never got their hands dirty.
That was active, yeah.
We did.
We got nicked by a guy named Nick.
I was done for GBH.
Previous body.
Is that a tattoo cover?
Is that some sort of muscle, like don't extend your muscle type of thing?
I think it's a don't extend your muscle thing in between.
I knew it weren't right.
I knew I wanted out, but I didn't know I was going to do it.
How to make it right.
Make it.
I saw something about Exit UK online.
Let me guess.
It wasn't for them, you'd be in jail.
Right.
One night, I'm just going to email them.
And I did.
And to be fair, they got back to me.
See that?
What?
That is such an acting tell.
That's not how people talk.
I thought, one night, I'm going to email them.
And I did.
That's how people act in acting school.
You know what normal people say?
They go, and then what happened?
One night I said, I'm going to email them tonight.
And I did.
That evening, after dinner, I was upstairs and I emailed.
Now I'm doing it.
I'm getting sucked into it.
It's hard to not act when you're.
And another thing, too, it's like there's no joy whatsoever.
Like, I'm glad I found it.
Like, I just shot them an email and they got right back to me.
And it's just all like.
They didn't pressure me.
It was pretty cool.
This is.
No, it's got that same sort of I'd be dead woman for exit UK.
I'm still shit.
And it's not really illegal, right?
Look, they never said this is a real person.
They said, story, Jackson.
See how we've helped other people leave.
Oh, look at this.
These films are based on people we've helped leave the far right.
Names have been changed, and we've used actors to tell these stories in order to protect the identity of those we work with.
Okay, it's clear.
Oh, shit.
So they did admit that it's fucking fake.
Here we are.
But it was a good way to do that.
Detective Shitty.
Pull up that plug.
Okay.
Detective Shitty just discovered.
That was good practice, though.
That a company that admits they're using actors used actors.
Oh, right.
Well, you know.
I did smell it before I knew that.
But here's the other thing.
How do you sue them or call them on this?
You're just like, oh, I'll salt Nithin's story.
Who's the real Nithin?
And then they could just say, well, we don't divulge our sources.
Huh.
We respect the privacy of the people we've saved.
Anyway, I'm skeptical of that the advertisement targeted me due to the YouTube content I was viewing.
I included the full list below for transparency.
Right-wing stuff, sure, but nothing dodgy.
I believe that the ads must have been targeting me based on my Google search history, which included a search for sensor.tv earlier that day.
The rest of the search history is for local sushi places, baby stuff, and so on.
As of 2019, YouTube can use your Google search history to allow companies to target you with ads.
I've watched Tucker videos for years and have never seen anything like this.
Aside from the harmful website warnings that Virgin placed on the sensor.tv site here that you're aware of.
We all know that, right?
Virgin TV in Britain puts harmful website warnings on this.
And they've clearly never watched the show.
Anyone who's watched this show can see.
Sometimes I show up on President's Day having prepared nothing and just shoot the shit about Scientology and Ghostface Killer.
This is not like, get out there.
You want to bring this country back, don't you?
Well, then you've got to fight.
If someone's coming in here illegally and they won't leave, you got to cut them out with a fucking knife.
Here's a list of knives you can buy online for throat slitting.
I recommend this, the P900X.
It's a great knife.
Love the P900X.
For background, here are tougher hate speech laws in the UK, including the case of Harry Miller last year, in which a man was interrogated by police for retweeting a transphobic limerick.
The officer mentioned that he was questioned in order to, quote unquote, check his thinking.
It was recorded as a non-crime hate incident for the promotion of the limerick.
There was a young man from Gibraltar.
Well, we got to see this limerick now.
Let's be part of this evil.
Okay.
It's going to be really hard to find this evil limerick.
How soon promotion turns into consumption in order to qualify as a non-crime hate incident?
If a company can use your search history to categorize you as a far-right extremist, you can be sure that governments are doing it as well.
So he's included his recent searches.
Hannity, Trump's legal team completely eviscerated Dem's paper-thin argument.
A Simpsons promo from 1989.
A reporter that points out the brutal reality of Biden releasing illegal immigrants, the Blaze.
Joe Biden gives Bart advice on girls, AI Voice, and AI Voice, Joe Biden ties an onion to his belt.
Let's find this limerick, though.
How limericks became a police matter.
I want to see this.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
That's not a limerick, you tard.
Nope.
Well, then why'd you say it?
Poo him.
34 minutes of questioning in order to check his thinking.
Holy fuck, that's disturbing.
Check his thinking.
Transphobic limerick.
It's relevant to the news here, too.
This is like when they say he used a racial epithet or something, and they don't tell you.
Holy shit, he's a cop.
Ex-cop Harry Miller sues police over a transphobic non-crime incident.
We gotta find this fucking limerick.
Let's see.
I cannot find it.
They don't want to.
Is this real or fake?
What?
There was a wee fetus named Cletus who beat us while listening to Weedus.
Along came a wife in old trouble and strife, and now poor Cletus is Redus.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Maybe in Google Images it'll come up.
So he's an ex-cop.
Oh, here we go.
I think I got it.
Your b- Yeah, here we go.
Included the lines.
Your breasts are made of silicone, your vagina goes nowhere.
Your breasts are made of silicone, your vagina goes nowhere.
And we can tell the difference even when you are not there.
Your hormones are synthetic.
And let's just cross this bridge.
What you have, you stupid man, is male privilege.
Huh.
It's actually kind of a feminist poem in a way.
He's a turf, a trans-exclusionary radical feminist.
Fucking hell.
I couldn't help but notice you was making a joke about a bird with a dick.
Last one.
Kanichi Wad, G-Dog, and Rice Guy would love your opinion on dealing with family drama when it's okay to cut the cord and separate ties.
I'm beyond angry.
It's not like a parent or a sibling, absolutely my dumb know-it-all cousin.
Do either of you guys have experience with this, past or present?
Why does the left love being lectured by teenagers?
I don't understand, but I do know two things for certain.
I snuck another question in.
And I don't want to fuck you with my heels on.
That's pretty good.
When do you cut the cord with a family member?
Never.
You just keep it going.
I've lost some, and what I do is when I see them at family events, I am cordial and cool and totally open to talking.
They've lashed out at me a couple times, and I've come back with a hard whip back.
Like, don't throw stones from your glass house to me because you have this problem, this problem, this problem.
So if I get a bite from the snake, that's a bad analogy.
If I get a bite from the cute cuddly rabbit, I'll bite back.
But for the most part, no Xing.
Just roll your eyes.
Believe me, if they're radical enough, they'll X you.
And then you've taken the high ground and the other family goes, yeah, it's Barbara.
She's nuts.
She dumped Joey or whatever his name is.
So I don't think you should ever do that.
And I think there's ways to keep it going.
And I think that's really important.
And eventually these people will realize that you're the sane one.
Like if they call you evil and a Nazi and all this stuff and you're Timothy McVay and you go, war, now she's right.
You are violent.
So you're playing into her hand.
You have to just ignore all that and go, look, I think you're wrong.
Remember what I told you in Thanksgiving?
Keep it interrogative.
Keep it nice.
Just go, well, look, 42% of the American public thought the election was rigged.
So whether it's rigged or not, that's relevant.
A lot of people, hundreds of millions, arguably, right?
I mean, we have to exclude babies and old ladies, but let's say tens of, maybe 100 million.
What's 42% of the voting populace?
I'd say half the country votes.
So 75, so 60 million people, tens of millions of people think the election was rigged.
They feel betrayed by the media.
And I think there's a good argument for that.
Again, you're sort of ambivalent in this.
And so they fought back.
And it was stupid to storm the Capitol.
But I'm not saying they should have killed her, but I understand.
I'm not saying I advocate the rioting in the Capitol.
I think it was fucking stupid.
I think it fucked over censored.tv in many ways.
And it screwed up my life because I'm associated with it now, even though I said don't go.
Well, go back.
Votes cast.
$136 million.
Yes, I was about right.
But I get it.
And I think you would be remiss.
I'm talking to this stupid bitch cousin right now.
To ignore their plight.
You know, I had a weird thing with my daughter on Friday.
We were watching 9 to 5, the movie with Dolly Parton.
And his crime is that he implied that he fucked Dolly Parton when he didn't.
Yeah, that's a dick move.
You're a jerk.
But the whole movie is about having him killed and all these death fantasies.
And I go, I think this movie's kind of sexist.
It's like anti-male.
Well, he lied.
Yeah, he's a dick, but like, I don't want to kill him.
It's not a crime.
And then I think, my wife or my daughter said, yeah, but he's sexualizing Dolly Parton.
And I go, She's a sexual woman.
Look at her.
I mean, she sexualized herself.
She said in interviews that when she was a little girl, she saw prostitutes turning tricks.
And she said to her mother, I want to look like that when I grow up.
Like a whore.
And then I said, and you better be happy that your mother was sexualized.
I sexualized your mother.
That's why you're here.
Right.
I mean, obviously there's the time and the place, but if women were never seen as sexual, then men wouldn't be hitting on them.
And that really upset her.
And she went to the other room.
So I went over to her after a little bit and I said, and this sort of goes back to what I was saying earlier about freaks being nuts and being able to scream.
I go, all your feelings are valid.
I know Ben Shapiro says facts don't care about your feelings, but if you're mad at me or if you're sad or you feel scared or even when you're walking home and you feel your instincts are buzzing, that's valid.
Embrace that.
Those feelings are there for a reason.
So if you feel betrayed by me right now, then that's real.
That's valid.
That's something that you shouldn't ignore.
Don't ever push it down.
Like embrace it and go, okay, I have to figure this out.
But the fact that I feel this feeling, it's there for a reason.
So if I upset you somehow, you're not wrong.
You're not necessarily right.
But you having emotions right now is perfectly legitimate and never feel bad about that.
And that's what I was saying to Joe Mataris.
Like, yeah, you lost your temper.
Good.
Get mad.
Get fired.
No, okay, we have to go.
Were you in a show?
Dolly Parton on some show?
Well, yeah, I just always remember her being pretty flirty.
Like, you know, that's what I'm saying.
She's a lesbian, right?
How does she have no kids?
I saw some interview where she was like, well, I decided that...
I decided that the Lord would rather have me singing country music.
Honey, you put out like, what, 20 albums?
If you had kids, what would it be?
18 albums?
You're fucking rich.
You could get a nanny and an au pair.
You'll be good.
Sorry, I got something history.
She reveals she never had kids in her life.
They had no idea of her painful loss.
The biggest thing about you.
Well, now what would that be?
The outrageous fashions, the impossible wigs, and the highly publicized bus line.
You don't have to look like this.
Provocative, controversial, even offensive.
You don't have to look like this woman who's way more attractive than I will ever be.
A lot of the mothers thought that I was a bad influence on their kids.
Nothing's better than proving people wrong.
You've never had children yourself.
Is there a reason?
Dolly Park has canceled several upcoming publications.
Did they just hint that she had a miscarriage?
I just had a complete breakdown.
It was supposed to be my baby.
You were right in your emotionally, physically.
These have not been easy years for Dolly Parker.
Miscarriages are rough because then you think it's going to happen again.
I'm so sorry about this.
I was so upset.
Everything was just confusing to me, and I was just angry, and I was hurt.
You can only stand so much heartache.
What exactly pushed you to the breaking point?
You modeled your appearance after the town hussy.
That was the women that I thought were beautiful.
I'd say, you know, she put into your life.
Is that racist?
Because those women were probably around.
She's probably talking about the 50s.
That was Jim Crow.
So if you model yourself after them, you're modeling a segregated time.
Whoa.
Desperate to prove people wrong.
Dolly followed her dreams of being a country singer to Nashville.
They're trying to reel us in here.
So they were.
I was reeled.
I forgot we were doing a show.
Yes.
All right, let's get to the final video.
I think she had a miscarriage, right?
That's what they hinted.
Thank you, by the way, for tuning into the show that we pulled out of our ass at the 11th hour, having forgotten that we don't get a President's Day off.
We're not really in a good mood about the current president, so we're not going to say much about it.
There's George Washington.
There's Trump.
That's about it, right?
But here is a this is someone who should be president, Pat McCaffey.
I think he was a, what was it, a punter in the NFL.
Then he retired.
He does sports analysis.
He's got a great show, The Pat McCaffey Show.
I believe it's called.
But he's also a wrestler.
He just signed a big deal with WWE.
Anyway, we all know how annoying it is when people waste our time with calls.
We just want to get right down to the question.
But they say, hi, my question's in two parts, and they do this other shit.
And we here on Get Off My Lawn tell them to get the fuck off our lawn.
And we like to see other people also behave like this because it's what's best for society in general.
So here's Pat McCaffey getting an annoying call on his show.
I'm Julian.
Hey, Pat Boys.
How you guys doing?
Not too shabby.
How are you, pal?
Pretty good.
Pretty good.
So I actually do have a football question, but I think I'd be relisted if I didn't first shout out my best friend Aaron Luke.
He's getting married soon.
Actually going to the...
Julian, I don't give a fuck.
What's going to happen?
Adam, what's going on?
Shout out to everybody.
With all their rookie contracts next year?
Why would anyone give a shit that a stranger's getting married, you asshole?
We know people get married every day.
What the fuck's that got to do with anything on a football talk show?
Jesus Christ, thank you, Pat, for telling it like it is.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop me.
Two identity hitting the top.
Chicken tap boys.
We opted both tops of my jaw.
Carry hotchin'.
Let me catch my little chick.
We telling you.
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