I was absolutely born to see a federal party leader use insinuations and carefully coded questions.
And of course, pretend they're innocently.
Just asking questions.
That's ridiculous.
You know what's weird about Justin Trudeau?
When he speaks French, he has a redneck hoser accent.
Mais violence.
Get lost.
And then allotus.
Instead of allotout, allotout would be like the more Parisian international French.
But he goes, allo touss.
Which is like that's like southern drawl.
And that's because when he speaks English, he has like a nice clean accent.
He's not a hoser.
Like, hey, how's it going, eh?
Fucking, that guy's an asshole, fucking dog fucker hanging out there with a 2-4 under his arm.
Fuck.
That's how his French is.
So he speaks normal middle-class English, but then redneck French.
And I think it's because most French people are rednecks.
And he's trying to appeal to the average Joe.
The average Pierre.
But it just sounds weird when you're bilingual to hear someone say, hello, I would like to speak to everyone and let me translate.
Hey, what the fuck's going on, eh?
Mais viol.
That's like a construction site, you'd say that.
Is there any rhyme or reason like he does half in French, half in English, or it's he just switches?
I don't know.
You might be seeing a compilation of maybe he does a speech first in French and then in English.
Right.
No one's going to sit there and listen to the same sentence in both languages.
That's what sucked about moving there.
Like one time, a living there, I should say, one time I was in a bank and I was trying to get out and she was trying to get in, but we were both moving the same way.
And then I go, after we do it three times, I go, you're just burning doing the neutron dance, which was a big hit at the time.
And then I have to say it in French, which I've lost my French, but it's like, troit enflamé dance avec le dance neutron?
Dance avec, I know that.
Yeah, that's not correct.
I lost, I forgot how to speak French.
It only took 20 years.
Congratulations.
We have a note-free, another note-free one.
I want to go through the letters page.
I went through, I spent all day going through all your emails about places to live.
Fascinating.
And then I mapped it out.
And it's interesting.
Actually, can you pull up that picture?
It's interesting how many, how tightly packed all the good spots are.
Now, this might be my fault because I indicated North Carolina and I indicated Florida were a goal.
So I think that explains why there's so many dots on the penis.
That actually looks like the venereal warts I had on my dick.
Florida does.
Florida is an uncircumcised penis, and all the places to stay are venereal warts.
Everybody agrees.
But look how scattered the rest of the country is.
One spot in Nevada, two spots in Idaho, one spot...
What are you doing?
One spot in Utah, Colorado.
Texas is an interesting idea where you move to Austin, but I'm still going to get fucking spit in my food at Austin, I assume.
Although I have gone out for a steak with Alex Jones there.
And the only thing that happened was someone came up and told him that he's awesome.
Although I have seen him get harassed there.
But anyway, my daughter's kind of a mall goth punker chick.
And she's going to need to be around weirdos.
And that's very important to me, just as important as my son's baseball.
The youngest one, he's ambidextrous.
He can live on either hand.
So I need to be near some kind of city so the girl, but I can be an hour from the city.
Girls can go an hour to commute.
That's fine.
By train or bus or whatever.
Or soon she'll be old enough to drive, isn't it?
True.
She better not fucking drink.
So Austin is blue, but all the surrounding country redneck areas are super duper red.
And wouldn't it be cool to have kind of a country-ish house where you'd have a backyard with you can have a fucking motocross bike and shoot some rabbits with your 22?
Hell yeah.
We were thinking about riding horses.
Remember when we thought we were going to move to Texas for the Blaze?
Oh yeah.
I hate horses.
Did I say I want to ride a horse?
I think maybe that was just me.
That's probably.
But we just pictured we had guns on our heads.
I hate horses and sailboats.
Wait, these are the wrong glasses.
Why does it look so dark here, Ryan?
White shirt.
I did a good amount of correcting here, but I could give you a little more.
It's just, I don't like to be washed out, but see now your shirt's kind of blown out?
I prefer that.
Okay.
Maybe I would put on a jacket.
By the way, our Biden shirts are back, and they're better than ever now.
I was worried Trump would win, and these would become just sour grapes.
But now it's awesome to wear, especially in New York City when people go right on.
Oh, wait, oh, fuck you.
Yeah, thank God he won.
When Trump does follow through or doesn't do would follow through the exact opposite.
This is very typical of him.
By the way, I got a complaint.
Someone said the history of the USA came damaged.
Please let me know about shit like that.
$28.
That one's photoshopped.
We should retake that picture.
Actually, let's just do it right now.
Oh.
You at the desk?
Oh, take it away.
Yeah, get me at the desk.
No, it's I think the picture should be vertical.
But yeah, I spent all day going through your emails.
There must have been hundreds of them.
And it was fascinating hearing about places in the Carolinas where there's services for expats.
One of their cops is on the NYPD, was on the NYPD.
So a very interesting enclave looks to be like Eastern Tennessee.
I'm told to stay the fuck away from Western Tennessee.
Eastern Tennessee and the border of North Carolina and South Carolina.
Gets great reviews.
Georgia's good, of course.
Although, you know what some people said about North Carolina, which sounded snobby?
They go, everyone there is boring.
There's no freaks, and you're going to get annoyed.
They go, the beauty of Florida is there's still weirdos, loonies.
Yeah.
How can, look at that one in the far, far end of Florida there by the Irish, whatever they call it, Riviera.
Yeah, right there by Alabama.
Holy shit, you're south of Alabama?
I didn't get a lot of Alabamas.
One or two.
And a lot of negative stuff about Alabama.
Saying it sucks and it's hot and you'll hate it.
Mississippi, they go, Mississippi is one of those places that everyone knows of.
Everyone spells it in school.
No one's been there.
Missouri, I'm surprised to see up there.
Yeah, Missouri got a few.
I know somebody.
Yeah, I hear good things about Missouri.
New Hampshire only got one.
And I don't know.
I did not like my little trip up to Vermont.
They're dicks.
And then there's Maine.
I don't think I don't mind the cold, but...
I think Tucker's up in Maine.
Wisconsin did okay.
There was one.
When you see a star there, it's because there was more than one suggestion.
No Ohio.
No Ohio?
I hear great things from Ohio.
Yeah, I don't think I got any Ohio emails.
Oh, West Virginia was big, too.
I think that's where Tim Poole is.
And Tennessee, I think Ben Shapiro just moved there.
I'd love to just hang out with Ben Shapiro.
Facts don't care about your feelings.
I saw some fight at CVS, and it was this guy grabbing this woman's purse, but he forgot to get the purse off of her first.
And he's ripping her through this doorway.
And as he's dragging her out of the CVS or the Walgreens or whatever it is, buy her purse, and her purse won't come off.
And as he drags her out, she's stuck to the purse.
The doors, the automatic doors close.
And I just thought, doors don't care about your feelings.
I know that doors are inanimate objects, although they're kind of animated when they close.
But just seeing those doors close, it was an actual Reddit public freakout.
Actual public freakout on Reddit.
But just seeing those doors close so coldly, they felt gloomy-ish.
They just, they didn't give a fuck about you.
I don't know.
I guess that's occurred to you before, that doors don't care about your feelings.
But it just amused me to see these things that we think are sort of like part of our brain, I believe, sort of goes, welcome to CVS.
Come on in.
And then you go ahead.
And then when you're leaving, it's like, bye, thanks for coming.
But as this black man is murdering a woman, it's like, bye, thanks for coming.
You're no longer on my property.
I've done my job.
I opened when you were dragging her near me.
She got through, and now I'm closing.
Goodbye.
Stay out of this.
The door, that woman's being murdered.
Do you remember any of the buzzwords there?
Was it CVS?
Purse, maybe?
Okay.
Let's see, pus.
The boss just got caught.
He does a Jeep ad that everyone's talking about.
I don't know why.
We didn't even watch it, did we?
And then he got baby, we were born to pun.
Some of the other post titles potentials were blinded by the Bud Light, Dancing in the Drunk, Glory Dazed, and Blackout on the Edge of Town.
He must have been pretty fucking toasted if he got arrested for that.
I mean, 99% of cops are going to go, go ahead, Bruce.
Unless he was like, just anything?
Oh, most of my songs are brewed with the finest excellence.
Just do anything?
Brewed in no bottle.
Baby born.
You see any of it here?
Nah.
Robbie?
It's not relevant.
So yeah, I want to do a catch-up on all our letters because it's a wealth of content.
I tried to take a chip out of it by having Deer censored on the site, but that doesn't even take a bite out of it.
We get like 100 a day.
And there's so much good shit in there.
Like that song that we opened with was a letter.
Here, I have a plan.
Now that you've seen this shirt, I'm going to go put on a jacket, and maybe that'll take the edge off the blue.
Why don't you go to you, Ryan, and take over the show?
All right.
Well, I know that wasn't very fulfilling.
Talk about brazen.
A team.
No video, so here's a video of a truck flying over an overpass.
You couldn't do any commentary there?
I just figured I'd let the video speak for itself.
Why is it?
The music really.
Can you handle this for a second?
And you just, you go, I'll play a video and then make some notes.
I had not turned my brain on yet today.
I have not turned my brain on.
This is kind of good, too, if you see this because you'll see Biden and you'll go, what, he likes Biden now?
And then it'll make you look it up.
Oh, here's some stories, though, we should get to in the news.
So Tucker Carlson is trending on Twitter.
Oh, I actually have this covered in the mailbag.
Okay, so we'll get to that.
But here's one thing.
I think I emailed you.
They finally caught my doppelganger.
His name is William Trestman of Kansas City.
Is this one?
Yes.
Proud boy from Olaith led chance.
Wait a minute.
Oleith was on the list, I believe.
A place to move?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Wait a minute.
Go down.
Where is Olaith?
Where is this?
Where's this paper from?
KansasCity.com.
Holy shit.
Oleith was on the list.
Weird.
It's a Fed.
That's fucking funny.
I was trying to honey trap you.
Honeypot.
Yeah, Kansas is popular.
And of course, when you're doing these things, the cities are going to be blue.
They're going to have students there.
They're going to have youngsters.
They're going to have minorities.
But that doesn't mean the area is bad.
So there I am.
Proudboys for the money.
Wall Street Journal.
Wall Street Journal, Slate, and the New York Times insisted that this is proof that I was there, that fucking picture.
Thank God Parlor was still up.
Right.
So what does it say about him?
It says, you.
Proudboys founder Gavin McKinnis denied he's at the Capitol and that he was seen here.
McKinnis tweeted one of the watchdog posts that said the man was actually...
No, I didn't say that, Judy L. Thomas.
I didn't say that is, that's Billy Trestman.
I didn't know.
But I'd like to get to know this guy now.
He's in a red city that I was thinking of moving to.
You could hire him like John McAfee hires body doubles.
Yeah.
Or he could just do the show during the night shift.
I'll do the show all day.
He'll do it all night.
We'll have a 24-hour get off my lawn.
That's pretty good.
We'll both do 12-hour shifts.
Actually, that's kind of longer.
I need one more me.
So I hope that calms people down.
Proud Boys thing is still raging.
We were the ones who did it, they claim, or I should say they.
Out of 120 arrested, five were Proud Boys.
But according to the Wall Street Journal, the Proud Boy members were at the front of the line.
And when the New York Times called me today and said, okay, you were right.
I was wrong.
They found the guy.
The FBI ID'd him, and he's arrested.
I said, and this is my new thing I told you yesterday, where I'm not suing them anymore, or at least not for right now.
But I just go, look in the mirror.
Like, why are you so obsessed with locating white supremacy?
Why is that your number one priority?
I don't understand it.
The black Hebrew Israelites started the fight with the Covington Catholic school kids.
They were calling them pedophiles and Jesus fuckers or all kinds of weird names.
Where's the Wall Street Journal in-depth expose identifying the black Hebrew Israelites who were there?
Or when the black Hebrew Israelites murdered Jews?
Where was the map?
Like, you look at the coverage the Wall Street Journal did of the Capitol with all the squares and they stop.
It's like pure FBI CESIS kind of Secret Service CIA stuff with the face and the recognition and the name.
They kept doing this Chesserman guy saying it was me, but they couldn't say that, so they just would show his face and go, I think you know who that is.
Okay, so you're a very fastidious reporter who loves details and is really worried about riots.
Can I see your other footage?
Can I see the stuff you did on the Kavanaugh protesters storming the Capitol?
What about CHAP?
What about Chaz?
What about Antifa?
Andy No is the only guy who gives a shit about Antifa.
And of course they say, well, at least Antifa didn't kill anyone.
You killed five people in the Capitol and you killed Heather Heyer.
No, Antifa killed Heather Heyer by spooking a lunatic named James Fields and where he then drove into a crowd.
Because he was spooked.
They were smashing his window and they were pointing guns at him.
They were actually bragging about scaring him with their guns.
Who was that guy's name?
Redneck Revolt guy bragged about it.
He's got his gun there.
I spooked James Fields.
No, you killed Heather Heyer.
And when you look at the deaths of people who get deaths...
Something Dixon, right?
Yeah.
He actually had a cool name, unfortunately.
Redneck Revolt.
Dwayne Dixon.
Dwayne Dixon, yeah.
It's kind of bummed to hear how cool.
That page is gone.
Oh, Redneck Revolt.
Oh, Soros is helping Antifa scrub their rep. So there have been many deaths related to Antifa before the riots of this year.
Since the riots began, there he is.
That guy killed Heather Heyer, as far as I'm concerned.
I say, as far as I'm concerned, to avoid litigation.
But pre-Antifa BLM riots, there was about 10 deaths directly related to Antifa.
And many of them were Antifa.
I think three or four of the 10 were Antifa.
Since the beginning of the riots, we have 30 deaths, 30 deaths in the Antifa BLM riots.
As far as right-wing deaths go, I guess you have an argument.
Some of the five on the Capitol Hill, Sicknick was not killed with a fire extinguisher.
That turned out to be false.
I think three of them were faddies having heart attacks.
And one of them was a right-winger getting shot after Antifa, a guy named John Sullivan, kept saying, go, go, go, go, go.
Get in there.
Get through the window.
Rallying the troops.
Well, I'm very interested to see what happens to him.
Did they mention him in the impeachment?
I haven't heard that.
I don't think so, no.
He was a major figure.
You can't argue that Proud Boys were major figures without including him.
If anyone who is goading anyone is responsible for the deaths, then John Sullivan is one of them.
So that doesn't count as a right-wing death.
We got Jay Bishop shot by Antifa.
So this myth, and so much of politics now is myths.
This myth that Antifa has no deaths and we have tons of deaths on the right is just a fucking falsity.
Anyway, so I had another idea, too.
We rent a place, we Get a summer house this summer, right?
Somewhere cool, Breezy Point, again, and then get an RV in September.
And I rent out my house to Black Lives Matter so my neighbors can see what diversity is really like.
And then I get on an RV and tour the country or tour all those black dots.
Nice.
Let me see the map again.
There's a lot of driving for not a lot of stars.
Yeah, there's a lot of driving.
Maybe do a flight to the other side of the country and then do the other half?
Like checking out Idaho is a fucking cunt.
Idaho.
Where's Montana?
Yeah, there is Montana.
North Dakota.
South Dakota.
So you think you want to say you leave from New York.
That's a really boring drive to go directly west.
But it looks pretty darn easy to take the 95 and cover a million stars.
That seems tough.
What if you were to rent in Florida?
You take a flight to Florida, you rent the RV there, you go up, and then you start going westward, and then you come back down to Texas or drop it off in Florida, fly home.
So you do like a swoop, like a really small swoop.
Meh.
It's tough.
Renting an RV is so fucking expensive that sometimes it's easier just to buy a used one.
Plus, I think I want one.
If we end up in the south, I cannot be there for the summer.
And it's not like anything's going on.
I don't think kids play baseball in the summer.
July and August is their winter.
So the kids have nothing to do for July and August.
You might as well drive up to fucking Montana.
We could stream.
Why is Kansas in Missouri and not in Kansas?
Kansas City.
Kansas City isn't in Kansas anymore.
Oh, yeah.
Isn't there Kansas City in Kansas, though?
There's something weird like that, right?
I don't know.
Let's see.
Look at that northeast.
I just look at that map and I think, you're dead to me.
It looks boring.
It looks cold and shitty.
New Hampshire.
You know what's happening to America, too?
You see all these fucking brawls in Chicago.
I just feel like the cities have been handed over.
And that's been happening for a long time.
If you go to Philadelphia, my son was obsessed with Benjamin Franklin when he was a little kid.
And so, oh, we're going to go see the bell and you can see all your Ben Franklin stuff.
And he had a shirt that had Ben Franklin with headphones on.
And I hadn't been there in a long time.
It was clear that a treaty was signed with the homeless, and they won.
There was a Camp David, just like the Palestinians and the Israelis, but where the Palestinians and the Israelis can never settle, because Palestine is insatiable.
The homeless did settle, and they won, and they got Philadelphia.
It is run by the homeless.
Yeah, that's a cool little museum.
He just kept inventing shit.
Like, look at those shoes he made.
Wood snow shoes.
He could party, too.
Yeah.
I don't think he was a very good husband.
I believe he was a bit of a philanderer.
The great Christian.
He had Purient interests.
Anyway.
Oh, yeah.
Is that it?
Yeah.
So without further to-do, let's jump right into a mailbag special.
Here we are, folks.
We got to redo that.
I don't know why you used a picture of my dad and then put my glasses on him.
He's the wrinkliest person I've ever seen.
Just a little prank.
So Tucker Carlson was trending today because he said, maybe you can find it.
It's all over Twitter.
He said, let's cut the shit.
He wasn't George Floyd.
The whole country was ruined by George Floyd.
And, well, here, look it up.
George Floyd is trending instead of Tucker now.
Oh, really?
They say his family should sue.
I'm like, what family?
His kids didn't know that it was their dad until their mom called and said, hey, you know that guy on the TV right now?
Yeah?
That's your fucking dad.
And they went, what?
Look up, it's Media Matters for America, which all they do is ruin people with scandals.
Oh, this guy said the N-word 50 years ago.
But then they got their own scandal where the co-founder, this woman, this Indian bitch who lives in Berlin, said, yeah, Media Matters for America or Sleeping Giants.
Am I confusing?
Is it Sleeping Giants?
Maybe it was Sleeping Giants.
Let's see.
Does Meteor Matters for America?
No, it was Sleeping Giants.
Sorry.
And then so the other chick from Sleeping Giants goes, yeah, it's a sexist place.
He saw me as a second-class citizen because I'm a woman.
Yeah, that's the logo.
He totally shat on me.
And then they kept going.
They're doing great.
So they're immune to scandals.
The guy got doxed.
Everyone knows who he is.
I think he's like an advertising exec who feels guilty about making money.
So he spends his free time trying to stop advertisers from doing anything.
Ben here is covering for Tucker Carlson.
Got to protect your grift.
Grift.
What is this one about, though, they keep showing?
This is Infowar shit.
Oh, yeah, that's it.
That's it.
So what does all of this mean exactly?
We're not sure what it means, and we're not going to speculate.
We do know for certain that the known facts of what happened on January 6th Deviate in very important ways from the story they are now telling us, including the story they told us today in the impeachment hearings.
And in many places, the known facts bear no resemblance to the story they're telling.
They're just flat-out lying.
There's no question about that.
The question is: why would they lie about this?
For an answer, think back to last spring.
Beginning of Memorial Day, BLM and their sponsors in corporate America completely changed this country.
They changed this country more in five months than it had changed in the previous 50 years.
How'd they do that?
They used the sad death of a man called George Floyd to upend our society.
Months later, we learned that the story they told us about George Floyd's death was an utter lie.
There was no physical evidence that George Floyd was murdered by a cop.
The autopsy showed that George Floyd almost certainly died of a drug overdose, fentanyl.
But by that point, facts didn't matter.
It was too late.
Cities had been destroyed, along with the fabric of this country itself.
Scores of people had been killed.
Okay, so the Democratic Party's in trouble for it.
So you put out fake news, although I did see an autopsy that said it was asphyxiation.
So then it gets corrected, and now when you dispute fake news, people no longer go, oh, really?
Fentanyl?
Huh.
They go, Tucker Carlson is lying.
He should get sued.
Let's contact all his advertisers and make sure that you can't advertise on Tucker's show or on Fox News in general.
Fatal level.
What does he say there?
Let's get this straight.
Tucker Carlson is now trending because he paraphrased the Hennepin County Medical Examiner's autopsy of George Floyd.
New court docs say George Floyd had fatal level of fentanyl in his system.
And then Sleeping Giant's reaction to that is a grifter has to protect his grift.
As an advertiser, wait, go back.
Do you support this segment where Tucker Carlson says that George Floyd died of a drug overdose?
Wait, go above that one?
Tucker Carlson smeared George Floyd tonight, claiming he almost certainly died of a drug overdose.
It sickens me that the Floyd family, there is no Floyd family.
Floyd was nomadic.
He lived all over the country, doing drugs, committing crimes, fucking chicks, getting them pregnant, and leaving.
There's no family there.
And I hope they sue Tucker and Fox for $3 billion, which is apparently the only thing that changes their behavior.
Because that was the Dominion voting machines.
Go up to that guy.
Who is that guy?
Jesse Lecherich.
Co-founder of Accountable Tech.
Oh, what a cunt.
To make this internet less bad and more truthy.
Former policy spokesman for Hillary Clinton.
You don't say.
Okay, so I have an insider who was involved in the George Floyd autopsy.
And he says, because I said, dude, I'm confused because I saw an autopsy that said asphyxiation.
But I also saw him with my own beautiful blue eyes put fentanyl in his mouth a lot.
And talking to cops who do drug busts, and there's a whole 60-minute segment on this, you can die from a fucking sliver of fentanyl.
In fact, when the feds confiscate it, they wear hazmat suits because they don't want to get any on their skin.
I would say it's the number one threat to our children today is fentanyl.
Drunk driving?
See you later, alligator.
I wish drunk driving was our biggest problem.
Holy shit.
And of course, when my wife got pregnant with my first one, I thought, all right, here's our problems.
Drunk driving, heroin, pregnancy.
Gotcha.
None of those are on the radar.
Here's our problems.
Screens and what they do to your brain.
Fuggin carfentanil.
And that's it.
That's the lethal dose, by the way.
Look how small that is.
There's another comparison of the lethal dose.
I've never heard of carfentanil.
I think it's...
One cup said it's chemical warfare.
The Chinese are producing this, sending it over here, and we're dying to the tune of, what, 120 a day?
We're at war.
We don't even know it.
It's a silent war.
Okay, so here's the inside scoop.
Ready, boys and girls?
You don't have this email.
The autopsy report shows he had 11 NG slash ml.
I don't know what that means.
Milliliters?
But what's NG?
Milligrams.
Well, it says NG.
I guess he spelled it wrong.
Oh, fuck.
He had 11 milliliters of fentanyl in his system when they tested him at the hospital.
The same report notes, and I quote, signs associated with fentanyl toxicity include severe respiratory depression, seizures, hypotension, coma, and death.
And then he puts in bold, in fatalities from fentanyl, blood concentrations are variable and have been reported as low as three milliliters.
Again, he puts NG, so it must be NG.
And then he sends me a link to a Wayback machine, I guess.
Oh, and it's the Hennepin County Medical Examiner's Office Autopsy Report.
I'm sorry, yeah.
Nanograms.
That's how small of an amount you have to deal with.
So they've seen fatal doses as low as three, and he had 11.
And yes, he did die of asphyxiation, but not from a cop.
So why doesn't anyone, like, they're just so sure they're right that instead of saying, holy fuck, Tucker Carlson just said he OD'd, they go, Tucker Carlson's wrong.
I'm right.
The riots were justified.
There's no curiosity.
Like, if I discovered that Trump did collude with Russia and cheated when he won the election and someone had evidence, I'd go, holy shit.
I wouldn't go, you should be sued for lying.
That's because it's a religion.
Religious people have faith and their faith can't be shaken.
And that's good when it comes to Jesus Christ and God.
It's bad when it comes to politics because politics should be like science.
It should be an assumed way to deal with the problem based on accruing data.
If the data changes, the solution changes.
3 million illegal aliens in America is not a problem.
I would not discuss it ever if there was 3 million illegals.
I don't think that's enough to affect the job pool.
It probably sucks for blacks in Southern California.
If I was black in Southern California, I'd be maybe an activist when it comes to that.
Otherwise, not an issue.
30 million, on the other hand, it's an issue.
Okay.
And then he's, so I just sent you the two links.
There's the Hennepin County medical report.
And that shows an OD.
You got to understand, when Tucker says something on TV, he's not just farting out his mouth.
Like, they have to fact-check this shit.
They don't want to get sued.
So they make sure every time they say something controversial, they have something solid to back it up.
You know, like a medical examiner's autopsy report.
Court filings, medical examiner thought George Floyd had fatal level of fentanyl in his system.
He's a loser.
George Floyd is a loser.
And he lost.
And then he ends it with, the body cam footage is actually more important than anything.
All the other things I'm showing you here.
It shows he says he couldn't breathe before being on the ground.
Okay, now, Ryan, this is going to get tricky because I went back to, I said we were leaving New York on January 25th.
So I started on January 26th, which is hundreds and hundreds of emails ago.
And I went through all the different towns you suggested.
Should I just list out the towns?
Yeah, hold on.
Let me do that.
The towns are, well, you can pull them up on your screen.
I got that big email.
Yep.
ML.
So pull it up.
But careful what you show, because there's a message to my wife and stuff there.
I just want to show that red states start with red states and red cities.
So I put blue flags on particularly interesting ones.
A lot of Conor McGregor stuff we skipped over.
I could work this out here.
Move to Florida.
Red States.
So Montana, New Hampshire.
I'm not a New Hampshire guy.
I can't explain why.
I didn't like Vermont.
And I sense a lot of yuppies.
So I'm going to go no on New Hampshire.
Also, if I'm going to move, I don't want the same...
New Hampshire is basically New York, but a little more...
Rural.
Same geography.
Yeah, I want different geographies.
I want to try mountains.
Yeah, yeah, that'd be cool.
Desert isn't there.
That's what I like about some of these places in the Carolinas where it gets hot, you go up into the mountains.
So Montana, New Hampshire.
Montana is fucking beautiful.
I would love to retire there, but I don't see my son getting a lot of playtime.
It's too spread out.
I don't see a good baseball team up there.
So Red Cities, that's where it starts.
So Nevada, we got Carson City, Colorado, Colorado Springs.
Heber Valley looks cool in Utah.
Missouri's got a lot.
Kansas, which includes Overland Park, and Oleh, where my doppelganger lives, Jackson.
And then Texas, Austin.
The guy suggested Lake Away, but I looked it up and it's pretty blue.
Although what I have noticed about the liberals in Texas is, and it's maybe because they're outnumbered and everyone has a gun, they don't talk shit and fuck with your life the way they do here.
Maybe it's because they don't have secular Jews.
Orthodox Jews and Hasidic Jews I've always got along with.
I've lived with secular Jews.
Montreal is very Jewish.
So I've been around Jews my whole adult life.
But Westchester is the first time I've seen these secular Jews who I don't really consider Jewish.
You know, someone who calls himself a female rabbi is just, they're playing house.
And these people are vindictive.
And I think a lot of them use their Judaism as a sort of a blunt object to bludgeon you to death.
I don't really see their sincerity.
And when I talk to Orthodox Jews, they say the same thing about them.
It's weird that there's conservatives you might not want to hang out with, and then Democrats you might not mind hanging out with.
You know, like really typical conservatives, you might be like, you're not in it for the lulz.
I don't really want to hang.
Yeah.
You know?
So it's weird.
So we might just have the extremes.
Anyway, listen, man.
Listen, man.
It's crazy.
Look, listen, man.
We got 100 emails a day.
We have to figure out something here.
I think we need a new show.
Somebody came up with a really good idea, donation-based, get some money for Justice for Liberty and then almost like a super chat, but a super male.
Which is me.
I'm a super male.
Okay.
Idaho's got some great things in there.
West Virginia, that's where Tim Poole is.
And everyone is right-wing there.
That seems pretty awesome.
Although, again, it's the exact same climate and geography as here.
Virginia seems cool.
Georgia, you've got to stay away from Atlanta, but not too far away.
And then look at all the North Carolinas we got.
Raleigh, Asheville, Mooresville, Wilmington.
That's where my buddy's from.
Yeah, he says.
Who?
That's a good spot.
My buddy Jared.
Highland, Stanley County, south of Charlotte, right on the border there.
I like the sound of Pembroke.
A lot of American Indians who are right-wingers.
That would make my wife happy.
They could do their little powwows and their fucking rain dances.
Hendersonville, Iredale County.
It would be cool to get my kids into their Indian heritage.
There's nothing up here, and they're fucking half a country away from their tribe, the Ho-Chunks.
But it would be cool if my daughter was a fancy dancer.
You know?
It's so weird how everything's named after Native Americans.
But yeah, there's not that community here.
South Carolina's got a few.
And then, of course, Florida.
It might be because I mentioned Florida.
We're just drowning.
Can you believe there's a place called 30A?
What?
I think that's where Matt Goetz lives.
30A?
What are you, a droid?
What do you droid?
This is not the town you're looking for.
Seward in Nebraska looks good.
And then Tennessee is, I got to say, Knoxville, Tennessee is looking pretty tempting, too.
I want to have cowboy Boots and a gun.
Fuck yeah.
This says jeans, cowboy boots, a gun, no shirt, and a cowboy hat.
I'm going to go white shirt, jeans.
Crocs.
Just kidding.
So after Jack's Beach, it says south side area, not west side, northside, or downtown.
It's cut off.
Okay.
I'm going to zoom in.
Okay, so this is where it gets tricky, Ryan.
This is me going back two weeks into the mail.
I looked at two weeks, which is hundreds and hundreds of emails.
I was on my computer for hours and hours today.
So we're going back to January 25th from Linda.
So it seems like you lusted after a lot of blondies as a teen.
When did it change to brunettes?
Thank you for that question.
I flagged your letter.
This was just what was presented to us.
You have to understand, when I was a young lad, there was no internet, no nothing.
So when the divinals appeared on, what was it called, Friday Night Videos, that was like the only time you'd see a hot chicken thigh high singing.
So you'd poop your panties.
Blondie was, you know, the most popular musical artist around.
But I did, my first boner was Raquel Welch on the Muppet Show, and she was a brunette.
I think what may have happened to my taste in women is I had to adapt.
I was not the most athletic young man.
I was always kind of a weirdo.
And your standard hot blonde wasn't really interested in me.
So I noticed I could do okay with the ethnically ambiguous ones, the sort of half East Indian ones.
And so I think I altered my tastes.
Like if you lived in Madison, Wisconsin, you probably learned to love cheese because it's just there in your groom.
You turn around and walk away.
Ryan has fixed that drop.
Yes.
Got some newbies.
And by the way.
Yo, how are you doing, Gavin?
Gavin?
We've been on a Key and Peel bender.
It's up there in my top four.
I only stopped watching them because I thought they stopped making stuff.
They got brand new stuff.
Yeah, it was very rare, though.
That's one video out of like four or five years.
Ah, farts.
Mr. Show, Monty Python, Key and Peel.
Not Peep Show.
What's on their sketch comedy shows?
Fast Show?
Oh, Harry and Paul.
Yeah.
4045?
That show for slaps.
4045 years.
40 qua.
Is he a qua?
Bonnie, you're a qua.
Those are my top four.
And every single person in that list hates Trump's guts.
Isn't that weird?
100% of...
Oh, no, no.
Jay Johnson, who worked on Mr. Show, likes Trump.
That's one.
But David Cross, Bob Owen, Kirk, I'm sure Harry and Paul think he's a fucking piece of shit.
He's terrible.
He's 45th president.
Which president was he?
45, 40, 45, 45, 40, 45, 40.
Here's another oldie with a goodie.
And we've all covered this already.
But, you know, I was in the attic all day today going through some old photo albums.
And I remembered this picture.
This is from Kevin, January 26, 2021.
Femininity is the subject.
Hey, Gavin, you're talking about how women are naturally feminine without even trying reminded me of this meme.
Also, my engineer wife agrees with the teacher on your son's homework.
You need to do exponents first, blah, blah, blah.
Ta-ta for now.
And then the text says, this is honestly the funniest picture I've ever seen on the internet.
His vaguely threatening gesture and stance, the woman meekly clasping her hands together in fear, the difference in size between his massive skull and hers, his caveman tear slouch making him look like a hunchback versus her standing up straight,
the remnants of what appear to be sideburns on the side of his face versus the woman's clear cheeks, the intense expression on his face versus the bewildered expression on hers, the sheer difference in size between their torsos.
He is probably double the size of hers.
His masculine profile with his chin jutting out in his longer face versus her wider face.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
All of this contrasted with the constant assertion that these people are identical to women and there is no meaningful difference between them makes for the most exquisite form of irony when their differences are juxtaposed so vividly.
The contrast is almost divine.
On the left is man's hubris.
Holy shit, I never laugh at letters.
His desire to capture the beauty of nature and make it his own, his cerebral and conscious understanding of what it means to be what he thinks he is, his intentional quote-unquote becoming, while on the right is nature, effortless.
No doctor's appointments or home wounds or surgery.
Just an is that needs nothing added to it in order to be complete.
He tries so hard, and yet the harder he tries to become, the further he takes himself away from the effortless is that is the thing he wants to be.
It's comedy on a cosmic scale, a joke only God himself could come up with.
And you know what else is funny about this picture?
He's trying to be feminine.
Like, this is him not being assertive.
And the way his arm is out explaining, he's trying to be kind.
And she is trying to be open-minded and accept him as a woman, but she still has this prime ordeal, this primal sense of fear.
I'm really impressed, by the way, with that viewer who told us that they're not just mentally okay.
Some are, but the majority are perverts who love and fetishize women so much that they want to feel their panties on your balls.
So he's right now being a disgusting pervert where he's wearing a dress not to become a woman, but to feel womanness on him.
It's almost like Sounds of the Lambs or something where you cut a woman's skin off and then you put it on.
And like, I'm a lady.
I'm a lady.
I'm beautiful.
Look at the beautiful lady with my long hair.
It slowly starts sliding off and he has to put it back on.
That's horrific.
I'm a beautiful lady.
Look at my long hair.
The eyes are kind of sliding off.
You can't really see his eyes.
You gotta pull it back to see out the eye holes.
Hello.
Come on.
Welcome, come on.
Sorry, I'm late.
This is sort of what he did is he cut like darts here so he can actually get the whole head onto his head.
He cut all the skin off so it's like a Halloween mask, but he has long hair.
There's blood still trickling down his chest.
And then he cut off her ass and pussy.
And he wears that as underwear.
Yeah, yeah.
You could put the tits on the button.
All the way down to the tits.
So the tits are sort of hanging there with no meat in them.
Oh, I see.
And blood's dripping on his skin.
I'm not exactly sure how he cuts off the butt cheeks and everything, but he did an okay job.
If he bends over, they flop forward, though.
Yeah, and then they just hang, yeah.
That's terrible.
Hello!
I'm a beautiful.
He looks like the guy in Men in Black.
Oh, but guy who took a hard thing.
I'm a beautiful baby.
Hello.
Look at me combing.
And as he combs his hair, when he brushes the hair, the mask sort of slips up, and then the eyes go and he can't see anymore.
So after every brush, he has to readjust the face and bring it back down.
That's what you are, Tranny.
You're not a woman.
You're not in the wrong body.
You're stepping into a woman's skin and it's creepy.
In public, yeah, it's fascinating to see that.
In public.
It's like wearing a bonda shooter, a butt plug.
It's a sexual human.
You're publicly displaying your bizarre fetish.
Okay, here's another one.
Commissions and cameo from January 26th.
Hello, would Gavin ever take a commission for a doodle?
I've been wanting to bid anyway because I want to have a Gavin original and love his altruism in helping Liberty Kinsman.
I know how busy he is, so probably not.
At the very least, I would love for him to draw Snake Pliskin from Escape from New York for the auction.
I would bid like crazy for that.
Yes, sir, I will do that.
I will draw you Snake Pliskin.
Also, I'm sorry to hear about Cammie.
I'm not surprised, but still, I was about to book one.
Is there any chance?
And is it amazing that his name is Joseph Cox.
He works at Vice.
I emailed him, just like I told you.
I talk to everyone these days as almost like a grandfather.
And I say, you need to look yourself in the mirror, boy.
You know, fame is fleeting.
Clicks are gone in an instant.
The only thing that remains is character.
You got none.
We got Snowden, isn't it?
Yeah.
Joseph Cox.
Just look up Gavin McInnis Cameo.
Maybe I got his name wrong.
So it's a Vice article.
Boop-ba-doop-ba-da.
Newsweek.
Can't wait to write about it.
Cameo app condemns Capitol Hill riot while hosting Prowboys Foundry.
Yeah, Joseph Cox.
Joseph Cox.
Joseph.cox at vice.com.
And that guy, he got his little article of the day, right?
And cameo folded because woke capitalists are petrified of anything.
Any kind of attention, anything.
Yeah, he's kind of hard to find.
If you look up Vimeo, you'll find him.
I mean, sorry, videos.
There's interviews with him and stuff.
Yeah, there he is.
Oh, I remember he was the British.
He's like a British hipster kid.
British guy, yeah.
British beta male.
But that was a major source of income.
Not a major, but that was a very helpful amount of income for them.
A few thousand dollars a month.
Zenoa, a black woman, was able to buy Christmas presents for her black children thanks to those cameos.
And he made it go away for a click.
And so I sent him a picture of Liberty Kinsman, and I said, you prevented this child from getting money with your stalwart journalism.
How does that make you feel?
I wonder if when these kids get older, they're going to go on a rampage to get revenge on all these fuckers who put their dad in jail.
I think we're already breeding like Soviet Russian-level children.
They have no graduation.
They got to be locked up.
Their phones.
They lack empathy and experience.
They're going to be like sociopaths that kill animals.
Yeah, what's he got?
Three kids?
One boy?
You better be worried about that boy turning 18 and wanting revenge on all you fuckers who destroyed his family.
So yeah, I'm going to get the doodles back up soon.
Obviously, the feds are breathing down our neck.
We've had all our payment processes.
Can I clarify?
I didn't mean like Justice's kids are going to be burning, killing.
I just mean like the younger generation in general.
Okay.
Justice's kids?
Oh.
Sonoa's kids.
I was just speaking about the generation.
Yeah.
Well, there's nothing wrong with saying what I just said.
I said if I was one of these writers, I would be worried about his kids when they turn 18 getting revenge because you fucked with their family.
I'm not threatening anyone.
I know.
So I'll get the auction up back again soon.
It'll be a doozy, too, because I've got a huge stockpile of drawings.
And I've done some beautiful watercolors.
Anyway, thank you for building this amazing pirate ship.
Your hard work and bravery has helped me make my life better.
So thank you for your years of entertainment and information.
Gavin is one of a kind.
Way funnier and more likable than anyone else on the right.
That's why I marked this one.
What's that?
Say that again.
Thanks for your time.
I want to use the restroom in my heels.
Oh, that reminds me.
We skipped books two days in a row here.
And they're both very relevant to what we're talking about, especially that last email.
This book.
It's funny.
I used to be friends with a lot more fags.
They were my neighbors upstate.
And they showed me this book.
I ended up buying my own on eBay.
It's called Casa Susanna, edited by Michael Hearst and Robert Swope.
Robert Swope?
Hi.
I'm Robert Swope.
Swope, you can almost smell like a fart when someone says swope.
It's like, did you insert the card or did you swope?
Sounds like a map.
Even when you walk into a bathroom after someone blew it up, that's a swope.
Swope.
We were Best pals until Proud Boys.
And when I said trans people are mentally ill gays, my wife was worried they were going to dump us.
And they go, We don't care.
We're not trans.
He insulted trans people.
Big deal.
They're weird.
In fact, one of the gays said to me that he hates drag queens because he never knows how to talk to them.
It's like talking to a clown.
Are you your character?
Like, can I talk about capital gains tax or do I always have to be a big hot mess, darling?
You know what I mean?
Like, off the stage, how do you know how to talk to a drag queen?
Anyway, then Proud Boy started and they were like, we're never speaking to you again.
Okay.
But so Casa Susanna is about a house upstate where New Yorkers would go and they could be themselves.
They could dress in women's clothing and do photo shoots.
And you want to talk about not passing.
So it's basically you and all your friends' dad dressing in your mom's clothes.
Look at them.
They're all ripped.
The Asian one is the only one that even comes close.
But it looks like cops.
It looks like cops from the 50s.
I like boots, dresses.
It's just a great book to have around in your coffee table.
Talk about a coffee table book.
And when your friends come by, you can just laugh at these guys.
What did they think?
Memes without caption.
Yeah.
They all look fucking ridiculous.
By the way, I think Swope is what baby racists would call me.
You're a swope.
Good one.
Thank you.
Look, they'd all have dinner together.
Just chat.
Would they chat in their normal voices?
I hope not.
So, yeah, tonight has been great.
It's great to see you ladies, just to eat with you again and spend some time with you.
Do they fuck?
Are they fags?
Do they so many dicks?
Do they put their dinks in each other's bums?
Oh, my God.
There's a lot of them.
There's going to be, if you're a sane man who dresses in women's clothes, which I doubt, you're going to have a very high contingent of lunatics.
Weirdos.
You know?
Yes.
Like at least 50% lunatics.
Wait, go back.
I think that was a real woman in the middle.
Yeah.
In the bottom left?
Or a second to the left?
Yeah.
You can just tell, you know?
It's just like that picture we showed earlier.
It's effortless.
Conversely, you can't become.
Which brings us to today's book, Fads and Fallacies in the Social Sciences.
This is your new Bible.
Stephen Goldberg, I think it's 2003.
Couldn't be more relevant today.
He just breaks it all down in a fun, silly way.
You know, he goes off at a tangent talking about Bob Dylan's music and the fact that OJ is guilty.
But he talks about blacks in the crime statistics and how most people on death row are white, but most mass murderers are black.
Race and IQ, are gays born that way.
Some are, a lot aren't.
There's just, I think 2003, I had a lot of trouble with this book when I first got it because I wasn't totally red-pilled yet.
So you can see in my notes, I'm kind of struggling to swallow all these red pills.
But, you know, males are better at mathematical reasoning.
It should not be necessary to say that male superiority at mathematical reasoning does not imply that a male and a female at the same level different aptitude and ability.
They do not.
Just as a woman who is exactly six feet tall is as tall as a man who is exactly six feet tall.
So a woman at any level has the same aptitude and ability as a man at that level.
In both cases, the sexual difference manifests itself in the disproportionate numbers of males at the higher levels, not in the difference between males and females at the same high level.
This would seem too obvious to mention, but responses to this essay indicate there is not.
And then he goes on to say that men and women are different.
Pretty controversial book.
Races exist.
Races have patterns.
You don't apply that pattern when you meet someone from scratch, but you're allowed to notice patterns.
But in today's day and age, you can only notice patterns if it's good things.
Black pride, gay pride.
You can't notice bad patterns about a group unless they're white males.
And then that's all you can notice.
Clown world.
Okay, this one's from Jose.
Oh, no, that's scary.
Sorry.
This one's from Steve.
I happened upon a different take on the black poet from inauguration.
They are definitely more awoke than you.
Jump to 1-11.38.
Now, you're going to have to jump a little farther because it includes a lot of her speech.
Well, maybe not.
1-11.38.
The morning trap.
Wait, isn't a trap a tranny?
Yeah, a convincing tranny.
She said, quiet isn't always possible.
Wait, go back.
Look how happy they are with that fucking patronizing child telling all of us how to live.
Wait, I want to hear just a pube of her speech, dude.
We step out of the shade, aflame, and unafraid.
The new dawn blooms as we free it.
For there is always light if only we're brave enough to see it.
If only we're brave enough to be it.
That means nothing.
She said, quiet isn't always peace, and what just is, isn't justice.
Stop.
Quiet isn't always peace.
No one thinks that.
Strangling someone to death is a very quiet thing to do.
A gas leak in your home is a very quiet thing to do.
Committing suicide with carbon monoxide in your garage where the tailpipe goes into your car is a very quiet way to die.
So no one thinks quiet necessarily means peace.
And then here's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Just is injustice.
So just because it exists doesn't mean it's justice.
Yeah, I know.
Baby rape is.
I wouldn't label that under justice.
That's not filed under justice, correct?
Yeah.
Yeah, if justice, If everything that was justice is justice, justice wouldn't be a word because there would be redundant.
Are you implying that I think that everything that exists is justice?
That's worthy.
Someone stepped on a baby's head with a ski boot on for no reason.
Now it's dead.
That's justice because it just is.
That's worse than the sky of the blue.
It's horny for the words.
For the sky of the blue, you have to look up at least.
It's like it is what it is.
But this whole like taking apart words, the library is where they keep the lies.
His story.
His story.
We need to recognize what we recognize.
No, we don't.
Hospital.
Ha!
They're laughing at us.
By the way, I got to jump here, not leave, but I got to jump to another letter.
Wait, it's in scent.
Did I cover the woman who worked at the, or the someone who worked at the restaurant?
Restaurant?
The hospital where those people died?
Wait, I'm doing two things at once.
You're only hearing half a brain.
Yeah.
I met the black couple that killed the white baby.
I have to get this person on the show.
I mean, just a speakerphone should do.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's a she.
She's got a weird name.
I think she doesn't want to be exposed, but surely you can do a speakerphone call.
Sure, sure.
Sure, sure, sure.
Shit, sure.
Shit, sure.
So, you know what they're talking about?
There was a couple who were anti-white.
They adopted a white child, I think more than one, and then they beat her to death.
If the races were reversed, I would pay Ryan $10,000 to lynch me live on the show because white people are evil.
If a redneck who had Confederate flags everywhere adopted a black child, a beautiful black child, and killed it, I would push the self-destruct button on the earth.
Imagine if the races were reversed.
But because it's black on white, the story is it's dabbled.
It's poked its head up.
Race is not really mentioned in it.
It's more just like, can you believe this crazy evil thing that happened that has nothing to do with race?
Anyway, nobody will hear about this either because no.
This goes on for seven minutes.
Seven minutes.
There's a fight on the trampolines.
A fight on the side.
Yeah.
Ding, ding.
I think it's a free-for-all.
Not sure.
Just punch everyone.
Blatant punching of women.
Just cops go there and show the couple.
Show the woman who killed that child.
Forget her name.
I met the couple that killed the white baby.
I had to pull them from their vehicle when they arrived at the hospital.
Have I read this before?
I don't think so.
I can only say so much without breaking the HIPAA, Hippocratic Oath thing.
Anyways, I didn't know what had happened at the time.
All I knew was that it was bad.
She came into the hospital looking like she came from a Walmart in the ghetto, eight hours after the baby was brought in, which is sketchy as hell.
Yeah, why wouldn't you go in with the baby?
I immediately called because it tripped a security measure.
Before the cops arrived, I had to go outside and pull the husband inside.
I'm a fighter, but by no means was I going to escalate the situation.
So it's a dude.
Especially when he had no clue they were caught.
How could they not get caught?
So I lied.
I told him the nurse wanted to speak to him.
Once inside, they were brought into a room, and once the cops...
What are you doing, Ryan?
That's it.
I'm looking for that.
Okay, we'll find it.
They really bury this shit.
Well, you just showed me the link.
What happens when you click on that?
Yeah, why didn't you click on that?
That's her.
There's the kid.
There's the guy I'm talking about right now.
Why didn't you click on that?
I was looking for the side-by-side.
Anyway, so she was bitching about white privilege.
We know this story, right?
We've talked about this on the show before.
Once inside, they were brought into a room, and once the cops went inside, the woman started doing that loud and annoying scream cry only woman can do.
Her and her trashy husband were arrested.
Hope they burn in hell.
On the off chance you actually read this, I want to thank you for your advice.
It helped me get married and become close to a sub four-mile runner.
Okay.
So that's pretty fucking heavy.
They murdered a white.
Those are two racists who murdered a white child.
And we are living in the bigotry of low expectations.
Where some child gets up at the inauguration and says some dumb fucking pile of words like, just is is not, just is is not justice.
Vice versa and versa vice.
You wouldn't be a snake.
You'd be a snake.
Let's go back to that because I like this guy's books.
He looks like he's a real reader.
He's collected the, no, no, back to the video.
Look how many books he's read.
They're all leatherbound.
Shiny.
Shiny.
It's hard to read a...
I guess they're law books.
It's hard to read law books and not crack the binding.
But he's managed to, he must be very delicate when he reads all those books.
Look, there's a shelf below, too.
It's three shelves.
And they go around a corner.
Yeah, those books in the corner must be hard to take out.
Well, you can't.
Yeah, it is tricky because if you pull this book out, you can't pull that book out.
They block each other.
So you have to make a decision early.
Am I going to take from this side of the shelf or this side of the shelf?
Let me see the ones on the bottom.
I think they're law books or maybe religious scholarly stuff.
Speaking of totally real books, you saw the shower curtain one.
I did see the shower curtain.
Yep.
Who's that?
Kamala Harris' friend or something?
I can't remember.
Wait, delete me for a second.
Is that a rainbow, like a gay thing with the black power fist?
Looks pretty gay.
But it's not the right rainbow.
Brown and black.
Oh.
Jesus, I got to catch up on my flags.
That's like black power gay or something.
Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet.
And then brown, black on top.
I don't know what the fuck that is.
But anyway, let's maybe move them out of the way so we don't block that chocolate egg.
The quiet isn't always peace, and what just is isn't justice.
I said, girl, she said a lot, and I think that was the most prominent part for me because I was listening to it.
It's like, let me get a nap in, but she stabbed me right up.
I was like, ma'am, who is this young genius?
It's this young poet.
It was amazing.
Rebecca, I'm glad you called her young genius.
Let me tell you about the success story you saw.
Success story.
Is that like a succession?
In that poem and also that poet.
The success story you saw in that poem and also that poet.
Because she is how white America education system see black folk.
I don't know if a lot of people know who this is.
This sister has already written books.
She's a published author.
She is a national poet lawyer.
But white folk, doctors, said she was special needs when she was first born.
And they were ready to put her on that path to life.
So this guy's mentality is the following.
Black people are geniuses.
They're poiots.
They could be very successful.
But racist white doctors go, that's a Negro.
She's a retard.
Put her in a fucking cage.
Throw her some meat.
Teach her how to pick cotton because she ain't going nowhere.
And then somehow she slips from between the bars and runs out.
Maybe underneath her cotton picking kits, she snuck some books and she secretly, quietly reads them.
I'd like to know the story behind that.
What was it, ADHD?
A lot of people who are genius, I was in the retard class, and look how smart I am.
Same here.
Well.
In that...
We just had a Kelly Osborne moment.
Look, I was in a class with special kids and I'm smart.
And then Ryan goes, yeah, so did I. And then we go, oh, okay.
In the sense that they are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses.
So yeah, his mentality is that, like, that's such a strange mentality that doctors are holding down the black community, preventing them from being intellectuals just because they're racist assholes.
What a waste of time.
You're going to go to med school for 12 years?
You can just throw a fucking coke can out the window at her house.
That takes zero time.
I'm not encouraging that, FBI.
It's a joke.
We're talking about the lack of logic in these arguments.
And say, like, she was in some sort of special class, right?
I don't like the space here.
Scooch the bell over a little bit.
What was there?
Was there something there before?
No, it was the radio.
Oh, yeah, it's remote.
It's going to take some adjusting, but you get the idea.
Oh, yeah, somebody wants to send maybe a great, what's it called, replacement for a sculpture that's unbelievable?
I'm glad you brought that up.
I've been corresponding with that guy.
It's breathtaking.
It's pretty wild.
It's the most beautiful piece of art that has ever been made.
And it's a war memorial for veterans of war movies.
Namely, me and Ryan.
Department of War movie veterans.
It's got the boom box.
There's the boom box.
That's cool.
Ryan looks exactly like the faggot that he is.
What?
Bud cans.
Tons of buds.
The TV that is from the show.
That's the TV that we have.
Tight.
And it's the same boom box.
God, that guy's talented.
Yeah, that's fucking bona.
And some popcorn on it.
And there is me.
A war movie vet who has suffered.
How big is it?
It's probably like this big.
Right?
That sounds about right.
War movie veteran.
It's got the little plaque in it.
I just noticed that.
The plaque.
Oh, yeah.
Can you stop going?
It's really irritating.
It's a computer.
Isn't that?
Here's one from Phil.
Debbie Harry on the album cover for Parallel Lines is a 9.3.
Her pouty look, she looks like she's unimpressed with your cock.
It's amazing when you do Adderall and you look down your penis and if you have a foreskin, your penis is gone.
It's just the skin is there.
And the meat has completely receded into your body.
Coke does that to me.
So this is what it's like to be Ryan Rivera.
Hey.
So show that one.
Debbie Harry is the subject.
I got to say, the look of Chuck Taylors with suits is one of the worst looks available to man.
Sports guys do that?
They wear sneak wear shoes.
Oh, I hate that on ESPN.
All the guys have those fucking Nikes.
Such a stupid look.
I was worried when Gary Johnson was running for president that he might win because that's his thing.
Stinks.
Even Biden with his loafers.
Like, you're running for the president.
I don't know.
You're running for the president?
You're running from the president.
You're running from the president.
Listen, we need to get...
Hey, man.
Hey, guy.
It's almost back to George Bush level retardation.
It's almost at Ryan Rivera level retardation.
I don't know what that means.
Speaking of art, here's a nice painting.
I don't know if we've shown on the show before.
Painting of Gavin and Ryan.
Just finished this painting of you guys.
What you think?
Perhaps we could auction it off.
Sunglasses, friends, heels.
Tony Sereno, feel free to say my whole fucking name.
Damn.
Oh, we did show this.
Yeah, this guy rules.
Yeah, let's auction that off.
By the way, I get a ton of letters with people saying, thank you for telling me to put a ring on it.
I have two kids now.
I was fucking around doing Coke, and there was no end in sight.
Now I have a trade and a wife and two kids, and we've got more on the way.
Thank you for that.
And people always say, like, you started Proud Boys, all they do is kill people at the Capitol.
And they've totally ignored what an incredible impact you have when you encourage more families.
Because those three kids are going to have three kids, and so on, and so on.
That's millions of people that are loved in great relationships.
That's a big deal.
I matter.
I've been a long time fan of the show.
Gavin has a very great, esoteric, and well-rounded understanding of culture and music.
But one drawing I've never heard you mention is Outlaw Country from the 60s and 70s.
Yeah, I like that shit.
I haven't listened to it in a while.
I don't know why.
If not, you should check them out.
Some of the email links that I've attached are pretty cool.
Merle Haggard had some cool America First songs that I think you'd like.
The first one is from late in his career.
I like Mama Tried.
In fact, I think that was the name of...
Yeah, we did a pilot.
We wrote a pilot about a tattoo shop.
Me and Scott Campbell.
And it was called Mama Tried.
Well, let's see it, Ryan.
Try to pull up the other ones.
Get them all ready here.
Well, we'd like to see America first, Doctor.
Why don't we liberate?
These United States, we're the ones who need it worse.
Let the rest of the world help us for change and let's rebuild America first.
Yeah.
Why do we send aid to countries that have hurricanes in ship?
Like, of the stimulus package, there was so much going to other countries.
Not just Pakistan trans awareness gender studies.
Pakatrans.
Okay, and what's the second one?
And then Merle Haggard.
Merle Haggard.
Let's see if the fight inside of me.
All right, that's interesting.
The second artist is Wayland Jennings.
He's a more fun side of it.
His life is pretty interesting if you get into it.
He was a part of the Buddy Holly band in its early days and only didn't die in the fatal plane crash that killed Hawley because he gave up his seat for another band member the day of the crash.
He would run around with Johnny Cash and had a crazy party life in the 60s doing around $1,500 on cocaine a day, as he says, which promptly got investigated by the DEA.
God, that's a lot of Coke.
This song's about the night they spent protection.
What does $1,000?
Someone calls us outlaws, some old magazine.
New York set up possibly down like you ain't never seen.
Don't y'all think South Marmin's don't got out of hand.
You will be listening to that when we live in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Could you do a drawing of you dressed up like Elvis singing in the ghetto to a black child?
All right.
Sincere gratitude and a move recommendation.
Dear Gavin and the fatherless boy.
That's one of my new paintings I'll be auctioning off, by the way.
That's hot.
I was using watercolor on a piece of canvas board and it started bleeding like crazy.
And I thought that's kind of a cool look.
Hell yeah.
Very sad.
Happy accidents.
I'll keep it brief, boys.
Just want to extend my sincere thanks for being such a great voice all these years.
I've been reading and listening for a hot minute.
I was a total fuck up in my teens and early 20s.
But in my mid-20s, I really turned things around.
Applied to seminary to be a pastor, near graduation at this point.
Got married, and now I've got a kid on the way.
And these life changes are due in no small part to solid role models like yourself.
Wait.
Okay.
He doesn't mean you, Ryan, thank God.
You're doing the Lord's work, whether you recognize it or not.
That's me, though.
Also, since you're moving, I'd consider Eastern Tennessee, consider it considered.
Or Northern Carolina, I know you've already expressed interest in the latter, but Tennessee would be ideal as well.
Beautiful scenery, authentic southern folk, and sufficiently red.
Howdy, fellas.
By the way, if I do leave the Northeast, I will be getting revenge on every single person that drove us out of the Northeast.
Just to be clear, legally, I'm legally going to destroy your reputation and publicly humiliate you.
War.
Howdy fellas happened across this bit of info and I thought you'd get a chuckle, perhaps a wince of the wallet.
Try and somehow bungles it up.
It's $32.19.
Also, I'll toss the proverbial Tennessee hat into the McInnes family moving.
We got no estate income tax, relatively low property taxes, tons of natural beauty everywhere, lots of whiskey.
That could be a problem.
Anywho, that's my brief pitch.
Oh, yeah, I've seen so creme de mer, which my wife made me buy her for Christmas, which cost me $370 for a tiny thing, uses kale kelp from some fucking Israeli sea or some bullshit.
But it's all made up.
They all have glycerin in it, which I think is...
What is glycerin?
Is it acid or sugar or some shit?
They all have that in it, and that's what makes your skin contract and makes you look younger.
Just adding some kelp and then saying, I think it's that that's doing it, not the glycerin.
It's just a fucking made-up thing you don't have to verify.
Thank you for that.
Cripple Fight.
Dear Gavin, and the faggiest fag you ever fagged.
I was watching a paralyzed person boxing a person strapped to a wheelchair.
This is Cripple Fight is the title.
And I feel like the guy strapped to the chair had an unfair advantage.
Even if you're unable to move your legs, wouldn't you be able to generate more power if you can move your hips?
The fight was surprisingly technical and brutal.
You and Copper Camp should do a rematch.
Are the chairs strapped together?
You like the beat-it music video?
I think this is harder than boxing.
Than normal boxing.
Because with normal boxing, you can stand back.
Are they actual cripples, though?
Oh my god, and they must have incredible arm strength.
Because these guys are going like that their whole lives.
That's a good question, though.
Are they actually cripples?
Wheelchair boxing.
Let's see.
50 seconds.
That must be exhausting.
Although Baldi doesn't look remotely phased.
Moving around.
Yeah, you gotta change your levels.
This is what I've been learning these days.
Change your levels.
Because when you stand still, you give him a place to size up a punch.
If you're constantly moving and going up and down, he's constantly recalibrating.
I don't hate sparring anymore, by the way.
Besides my broken rib.
Dear Gavola, you got to take a look at this site on your show.
What happened in 1971?
The subject for this is WTF happened in 1971.
I know what happened in 1971.
They separated the dollar from the gold standard.
How well did that work out?
Look at that.
That's what it was, right?
I remember talking to someone about this.
What am I doing?
Untying the documentation.
Oh, yeah.
Freezing wages, energy turmoil, and interest rate hikes.
Ultimately, mostly monetary policy to fix a broken economy.
Well, it looks like you didn't fix shit.
And it also looks like it wasn't broken.
It looks like things were going great.
Untying.
I remember meeting Forbes.
Steve Forbes of Forbes magazine or whatever, the Forbes Fortune.
And he was all about getting back to the gold standard.
He was really concerned about the Federal Reserve.
I'm too dumb to talk about it.
And being good at it, if you will.
Texas.
Oh, now we missed a bunch of Connor McGregor ones, and I know a lot of fans watch the show.
And they all are basically repeating what his coach said.
He isn't walking with the cane because he got blows to the head.
He got three or four kicks to his calf that he didn't check.
These swelled up and caused him to have only one leg.
He didn't even get KO.
He got TKO and didn't even get his lights shut off.
And then there's a video.
This is Connor McGregor as the subject.
Everyone hates Connor because he used to be a super cocky asshole, but he stopped doing Coke and he's much more mellow now.
I loved that about Connor.
That was his whole appeal, was his arrogance.
Arrogance is only irritating when you don't back it up.
When you can pull it off like Tyson and Muhammad Ali, it's funny.
It's fun.
Remember when you say to Floyd Mayweather, what's in your fucking buck bag?
You have to score.
My leg is completely dead.
And even though I felt like I was checking them, it was just sinking into the muscle of the front of the leg.
And it was badly compromised.
And it's like an American football in my suit at the minute.
So, you know, it is what it is.
Dustin fought a hell of a fight engaged in the takedown attempt.
I thought I'd done well.
I got up, toned him.
I was in my head thinking, and I'd take him around just tie up now.
I felt alright in the clinch with him.
I was better than him in the clinch.
I don't understand you.
He just needs to work on his game because the calf kick is the new move in MMA right now, and he's left-handed, so he stands with his right leg forward.
This allows for a regular stance, calf kick to hit the vulnerable part of the leg.
Connor also still stands in a closed karate stance, but he wasn't even using his kicks against Dustin.
And then this man alleges, and we do not back this, he probably bet a whole shit ton of money against himself and just took a dive.
He did the same thing against Nate Diaz in their first fight.
The odds were 10 to 1 for Connor, so all he had to do was take a dive and cash in.
But, dude, the problem with all that take a dive shit is he's already getting paid tons and tons of money.
So why risk it all for a little bit more?
That's very important.
Anyway, that's an old fight.
What's up, Gavin and the fucker from the fat zone?
Today I got a little riled up over the stupid ask-mask situation.
I can't stand it when people try and tell you the correct way you're wearing your mask.
What is the best response when people try and pull this shit?
I've included a prime example of how they do this.
This is called Fucking Masks.
It's the next one after that, Connor McGregor one.
I tried my body, my choice.
They never get it, even when you say it's an abortion joke.
So my new one is just, oh, I don't believe in that stuff.
I'm sorry.
I don't.
It's very good.
Like, it's a misunderstanding.
Well, I just dropped mine.
You could say that if you want to be a little pussy.
Yeah.
Well, Ryan's always great for the advice on how to be a pussy, but.
I don't take that advice.
I just don't wear my mask unless I go into a store.
Then I have to.
I don't want to cause trouble.
Wait, what was this true?
No, he's saying what people do.
Oh, I fucking hate that.
Yeah.
So patronizing.
This is support request 30-year-old.
Hi, Woody in Mr. Prickles Pants.
I thought a bit about what you said about being attracted to 30-year-olds as a young boy between the ages of around 8 to 10.
I would guess that your mother had you around the age of 20, meaning that she would be around the age of 20 to 30.
Having sexual interest in women at the same age range as your own mother would indicate a psychological disorder called Oedipus complex.
Once again, we have a child talking to a 50-year-old, assuming he hasn't heard of the Oedipus complex, which means that you have an unhealthy sexual relationship with your mother.
Wow, listen to this expert.
Now, I'm not saying that you have that, but it could be worthwhile looking into with a behavioral therapist, since there is no man on earth who would consider a 30-year-old woman more attractive than a 20-year-old.
That is patently false, sir.
True.
Boy, are you fucking stupid?
See, you don't mind Conor McGregor's arrogance because you know he could kick the shit out of 99.9% of the entire world.
But you, sir, are an arrogant little fuck.
And the way you talk is irritating because you're wrong.
Since women hide their fertility, the only determining factor men have into choosing a more fertile woman is her age.
Anyways, hope you get the help you need.
What a fucking cock.
I was attracted to those 30-year-olds, sir, because that's what was presented to us.
I was saying how weird it was that virtually all of pop culture at that time was dominated by 30-year-old women.
Not 29-year-old women, not 31-year-old women.
We were spoon-fed 30-year-old women, with the exception of Belinda Carlisle from the Go-Go's.
But Greece, Cindy Lauper, the Divinals, oh, and Princess Leia was another exception.
Besides those two, of the 40 women that we were presented as young men to be attracted to, they were all 30-year-olds.
I just thought it was strange.
And I'm not attracted to my mother.
My mother is a large-chested blonde who was quite a knockout in her day.
And I've never been into big-titted blondes.
In fact, my mother said she once found it almost insulting.
She goes, you seem to have a reverse edible complex.
All the girls you bring home look nothing like me.
Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird.
Dear Gavin.
Oh, wait.
Sir, can you please tell me where my cargo's metal?
Yep.
Hell yeah.
This one is ancient news by now, but we're cleaning out the...
It's like the Howard Stern thing where they clean up the computer.
I've got that guitar.
Do you?
Wolfgang by EVH.
That's the music man.
I have the fender.
The ride is over.
You have been extremely rude.
Really?
Really?
Wow.
She sounds successful.
Hey, Gavin, last live show, you asked what Viagra Boy's front man's forehead tattoo says.
Los.
It's Swedish for loose.
In this context, it basically means fun to be around or socially unhinged in a good way.
The singer, Sebastian Murphy, is also a great tattoo artiste.
Check him out.
That is good stuff.
I like cup of tea.
I like pointillism.
Yeah, I could do without the points, but I like the bold lines.
You know, the thin line tattoos out there, man.
I don't know.
I have an aversion.
I'm going to get a chest tattoo.
I don't know what I want.
Does it hurt up there on the chest?
It fucking kills.
Although, thanks to all these pain medications now, you have girls with two octopuses going up each leg.
Yeah.
And they didn't feel anything because they were on Xanax.
It's like fucking armpit tattoos.
Yeah.
Just everywhere.
I remember when I first got a tattoo in the late 80s, people would come up to me and go, does it hurt?
You go, fucking run, it does.
I actually almost almost fainted.
For the back tattoo?
No, no.
This is my first one here in 1988.
And I was getting it and I was going, I don't feel too good, man.
And the tattooist, his name was Blue.
He did bikers in Ottawa, Canada.
And he was mad at his wife for setting up this appointment because he'd just done a hard day work at the garage.
And now here I am getting all floppy and white and sweaty in his arm.
And he goes, I fucking, I can't believe you booked this shit.
And with this faggot here.
Oh, no.
And I was like, maybe if I had a water or something?
And he goes, I love the breed of man that's getting a tattoo these days.
Wow.
That was his quote.
I'll never forget it.
Never forget it.
Yeah, that's one of those.
As if you're not even there talking about shit.
Apparently.
I mean, the ribs were so painful.
It was, like you said, when the hangover's so bad, they're interesting.
I was just laughing.
I was like, this is the most painful thing ever, huh?
I was like, this is the most painful thing.
You don't have to get blind drunk, but you need a bit of a booze-buzz just so you can sort of laugh at the pain.
Another trick I used to do before I would just get drunk for it was I pretend they're interrogating me and I'm being tortured and I'm like, is that all you got?
I'm not saying shit.
And then they'd be like, and I go, I don't know anything.
I didn't see anything.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
I ain't saying shit to you.
And then the problem with that, though, of course, is the tattooist starts laughing his fucking head off.
And the stomach must be dead.
You got your stomach tattooed.
That's worse than the chest.
No, stomach's nothing.
It's all fat.
Try your back along your spine.
He says it's bad.
Oh, my God.
The spine rattles your whole body.
I got my...
Yeah, the shirt.
Oh, yeah, the ribs are the worst.
People take it.
Oh, butt cheek.
Butt cheek.
No, butt cheek was the winner.
What?
Holy shit.
I thought I was being tased.
I got my cheek, and it says yellow, just irritation.
It's different for different people.
Well, there's all those nerve-endings.
Think of how good it feels to have your buns rubbed.
Of course.
I love a good bun rub.
I don't think anyone's ever rubbed my buns.
Oh.
What a waste.
What a waste of some perfectly good buns.
I should have become gay.
I would have got my bun rubs all the time.
Yeah.
I wish my...
I dated a girl that was obsessed with my ass.
Should have cashed in.
I should have married her.
Imagine your wife couldn't get enough of your ass.
That'd be pretty cool.
He lost because he hadn't been involved in a real fight since October 2018.
You can't go that long without not competing in a real fight and expect to beat a top three fighter and two and a half years later.
Simple.
Yeah, I think there's some validity to that.
I also think Connor may be losing his edge as we all would if we had $100 million in the bank.
Like, you still train and everything, but there's not that same hunger.
What's up, Gav and Dr. BJ Lipsa?
I also have noticed that all my Dream Girls in the 80s were 30.
But have you noticed while watching back movies from the 80s, girls in their mid or late 30s look like they're 60?
Here is one from Terminator.
The wrong Sarah Connor actress was 36 in this scene.
What?
Wow.
She looks terrible.
She's one of the ugliest women I've seen in movies.
I remember, like, forever I've thought that.
By the way, if you're the Terminator, then you don't waste bullets.
You get the exact perfect shot in the brain, and you know she's dead.
That's like ghetto South Side of Chicago shit.
Maybe it's being certain.
I just said, Ryan, you're a robot.
So you know that you did the perfect shot.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, there's a lot of discrepancies there.
It's like in that movie.
I think somebody like reviews it, does that whole like everything wrong with, but.
I still love it.
Okay, here's a long one, but I have put a blue flag on it.
Okay, let's check it out.
No, Connor didn't lose because he was too nice.
I'm a girl, but I learned everything I know about MMA from guys, so I must be right.
I've been watching MMA since I was 10, and my dad was in the hospital.
It's the only damn thing that came in clearly with the bunny ears in the room.
Bunny ears to all you British people are the little antennas that we have on TVs over here.
To this day, Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz fight reruns get me fucking pumped.
Connor just isn't the godsend they make him out to be.
His record is 10-3 in the UFC.
When you Google it, it says he's 22-5, but I've attached the UFC stats below.
Nate Diaz finished him in the second round on two weeks' notice.
When asked how he felt about his victory, Nate replied, I guess it's cool considering how they hyped this guy up.
I have a real problem with hype surrounding Connor because all these damn Mexicans I'm friends with in the San Diego barrios were rooting for some fucking Irishman over a Mexican-American from Stockton.
It just represents the control marketing has over us and the complete disloyalty Americans have to our fellow citizens these days.
I don't root for...
I don't root like that anymore.
I think that's an amateur move to root for the guy who's closest to you.
Like if it's a black guy and a white guy fighting, you root for the white guy?
That's lame.
I would root for Canelo.
He's a Mexican over many, many Americans.
I just think he's a fucking amazing boxer.
And my theory is, because he's genetically Irish, I believe.
And he grew up in Mexico training in the heat.
So you have, that's our only weakness is heat.
And he's overcome that.
So he's the perfect Irishman.
It's like Superman training.
He can't speak fucking English.
Yeah, I know he beat Diaz in the second fan.
I'm not saying Connor isn't a good fighter, but he's not what they make him out to be.
Yes, he's beat some legends.
Blah, blah, blah.
Why am I listening to a girl talk about fighting?
And I can't get into MMA.
After she just validated why she should talk on the.
I can't get into the toes.
I don't like men's toes.
And I don't like the grappling.
What do they do in boxing when two guys are together?
They go, break.
That's getting boring.
No one wants to see that.
Get back to fighting.
But you watch MMA and it's just like...
Howdy, the Gizz and the Rizza and all the crew in the 36 fag zone, just wondering what the over-under will be with one of your gambling sponsors for when they cancel the Vice logo because the Daily Beast.
Wait, people are so shitty at fucking writing.
Just wondering what the over-under would be with one of your gambling sponsors, spelled wrong, for when they cancel the Vice logo because the Daily Beast of some such thing, I guess he means or some such thing, points out you designed it.
I feel like I can manipulate the odds with a blitz of emails at the right time and hit big money.
Why did I mark that as something we should remember?
Maybe for the Gram Radical Errors.
Conor McGregor lost because of Dustin's calf kicks.
Another one of those.
Moved to Nashville, Indiana.
I am putting a few links here about Nashville, Indiana.
It's not what you picture when you hear Indiana.
He spelled here wrong.
I've traveled and moved around quite a bit.
I've even lived in LA for a while, but when I came back to Brown Country, I knew I was never going to leave again.
This is a small town of artists and craftsmen with blue-collar country living there.
Leather workers, brewery, glass blowers, chainsaw artists, painters, and the list goes on.
Mostly conservative, but even the liberals have shotguns.
It has become quite the tourist destination without losing that small town feel.
With the hills and trails and small shops and leaves in the fall, dude, it's beautiful.
Bloomington, Indy, and Greenwood are close if you want more of the town scene every now and then.
Lake Monroe is beautiful for boating.
The weather is warm.
Dude, do Indiana, huh?
I think I'll have to start a whole mailbag here.
I'll call it moving.
All right, so those are the ones from two weeks ago that I thought were relevant.
Now I'm going to go up literally hundreds of emails to get to today.
How much time do we have?
We're at one, like an hour and a half.
Basically hour 40.
Okay.
I have to go piss.
Can you read this one?
It's The Last Chase movie.
The Last Chase movie.
Last Chase movie.
I'm not loading it.
Here we go.
Wait, what?
I lost my spot.
Move to now.
Oh, there we go.
Hey, Gabon Arai Guy.
Have you ever heard of the movie The Last Chase.
It was released in 1981, but never made it to DVD, so it can only be found on YouTube or some other sources.
Links below.
I was recently watching it, and it said, Holy shit, the parallels to today and the possible future are crazy.
Quick summary: a pandemic hits, lots of people die, government implements all sorts of rules and claims that the oil has run out, all cars are outlawed, forced to be turned in, while not explained exactly why in the movie, possibly to not allow the population to grow freely, or move freely.
Fast forward 20 years after the pandemic, the rules are still in place, and no one has the cars except crappy electric golf carts and the police drive around.
The main character gets in trouble for not following the rules and decides to run.
Suck at reading letters.
Are you even taking in what you're reading?
That doesn't match.
Yeah, I'm picturing it in my head.
Florida and other planes outlawed tired years.
You can't read.
I could read under not pressure.
I can read under not pressure.
You can't talk either.
Under not pressure.
Fetch.
Fetch, is that you?
Saw your car run out of gas, Mr. Hart.
I couldn't find more.
Honest.
Fetch, come on.
What the hell's the matter with you?
You could always get whatever we wanted.
Not anymore.
Oh, I can get you anything, but I can't get you gas.
The only gas you got is in that station of yours back there.
And you better do something about that, too.
All cars was kept in the depot a week ago.
Everything's gone crazy.
We didn't cancel the World Series.
And I'm sorry about your family, Mr. Hart.
I was going to send some flowers, but you can't even get those anymore.
Oh, well, I'll be gone now.
Oh, cool.
You got old movies that play shit.
That's the only way you could watch it.
It's on YouTube.
That pill World of Destruction song was on the Sopranos.
I know.
I've been re-watching that with my wife.
Nice.
Fuck you, Tony Soprano, you fucking cocksucker.
I can't believe I watched you for years and thought you were a great guy.
The second viewing is a completely different show.
And you realize just how selfish this piece of shit is.
And you also realize what a cunt Carmella is.
Yeah, she's not great either.
She has a priest over and she uses him sexually.
They don't fuck, but she sort of eats him up and spits him out.
And the next day she's done, you realize why she's with Tony.
She's an alpha female.
She's just as corrupt as him.
And manipulative.
They're both incredibly manipulative.
Manipulative.
Manipulative?
Manipulative.
Manipulative.
GOML Roadshow.
It must be done.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
This is the theme for the roadshow, I suppose.
I see.
Okay.
Maybe we could go do a tour.
Do stand-up.
GOML Live.
No.
We get fucking attack.
Yeah.
A Tifa would shut it down, but not in a...
What about if you're in Knoxville, Tennessee?
Would anyone come?
I don't know.
Hi, boys.
Enjoy the show.
Thanks for playing the clip of that hot chick Diana Death.
I checked out her band, and they are awesome.
What happened to that comedian Steve McCarthy that used to be on the show?
That bit when he called the Dominatrix to berate him for being a Hillary supporter was classic.
Classic.
He got affiliated with the Proud Boys and got doxxed to death.
They fucking followed him everywhere and got his girlfriend fired.
And that's something the media never talks about, is the terrorism that the radical left does on these patriots.
Especially the black Proud Boys.
They really get fucked over by their black liberal friends who sure don't have their back.
Not a lot of black brotherhood there.
Who was Diana Death again?
You can't look it up without getting Princess Die in a car wreck.
Remember that song on the camp where it was the black guy talking about he loves Coke?
Oh, yeah.
Her and him.
Yeah, that's...
I've had a.
That's the crushiest I've been in a long time.
That is exactly my type.
She's a fan.
You know that she was a...
That she's a fan, right?
Oh, yeah?
She reminds me of the chick from BBQT.
Right.
She follows.
She got in shit for doing my show and immediately flushed me down the toilet.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
What up, boys?
I think this short clip from Law and Order will really help Ryan.
I know he's been having a tough time coming to terms with his sexuality, and it hurts me to see him holding back his true identity.
Sometimes it takes some straight talk from Ice T to finally come to terms with who you really are.
I want to fuck you with my Hills on Cole.
Hey, Cole, thank you for having zero spelling mistakes and perfect grammar in your letter.
It makes it much easier to read and it keeps the flow of the show going.
Thank you.
Now here's a video we've seen.
I am not gay.
I have relationships with women and sex with men.
And I got news for you.
That means you're gay.
We have that on the board.
That's one of our clips.
That means you're gay.
I have relationships with women.
Black people of America, can we be a little smaller with the acting, please?
We love to see you.
I love Denzo Washington's version of The Equalizer, but the rest of you play it a little large.
Even like the extras in Key and Peel are just over the top.
Do we have any of the Queen Latifah Equalizer?
Let's see.
They say it's on hold now because of a COVID outbreak with the production crew.
You're like, but they're already filmed.
There was an extended commercial, I know, for the Super Bowl.
Hey, Gavin, Queen Latifah is looking for you.
She wants to beat you up.
Okay.
When?
Maybe you should mind your own business.
I'll try.
Nazi skinheads, of course.
I'm So sick of these Nazi skinheads everywhere.
Thank God, Queen Latifah is here, a 53-year-old obese woman.
You love traveling all over the world.
Being the big shot at your charity is complicated.
This new side gig of yours is raising questions.
The company must be pretty desperate if they sent your skinny ass up here.
Well, they figured you'd kill anybody else.
I'm overweight, too.
You're just fatter than me, so you think I'm skinny?
You're the best they had.
I don't work for them anymore.
I'm using my powers for good.
I'm using my powers.
I want to be successful.
I need your freaky ass superpowers.
So she just demeans everybody?
You skinny ass, you freaky ass.
Don't help them.
When I can't sleep, it's not because of all the things I've done.
It's because of all the people I couldn't say.
She should have said it's not all the things I've done.
It's because of all the things I haven't done.
That would have been much better writing.
She has no personality.
No.
She's just...
This is another problem with writers and black people.
They are so petrified of offending anyone that they just make them these blank pieces of paper that are just good.
Like Don Cheadle, before he had that House of Lies show, was just like the nice guy in every movie until you were like, you can go shoot him and I won't give a fuck because I don't know this person.
Yeah.
Like he's got no character.
This is the full first episode.
So it's on YouTube.
So this guy emails me.
His wife helps New Yorkers relocate to the Carolinas.
It's like a thing.
It's an industry.
I won't show it, right?
That's how much of a mass exodus.
No, obviously don't show it, you tart.
Are you serious?
Well, it's a company.
No.
At least five killed in a massive pileup in Fort Worth.
Oh, let's check that out.
Holy shit.
This is another.
Whoa.
Wow.
That's really bad.
For those just listening, it's a shit ton of vehicles piled up.
Wait, I wonder.
Who's the asshole who started this fucking mess?
Imagine it was some douche who was texting while driving, and then he looked up and he was hitting the median.
It was a drunk female Asian underaged texting.
Well, no, no, no.
Just like you just picture the worst.
Icy Texas interstate.
Winter storm dropped freezing rain.
Okay, few.
Freezing rain.
Wow, it's pretty intense.
Pretty, pretty intense.
I heard they really freak out when it snows or anything over there.
Like, they just don't drive and stuff, like, it's snowing.
They don't know what to do, so I guess this makes sense.
I owned a flow arts company.
If you're ever interested in hearing about the bullshit and the stupidity and the sadness of that scene, I'd be happy to let you know about it.
We'll be responding to that.
Yes, please.
Can we get you on the show?
In any capacity whatsoever.
Question mark.
I could probably get that guy Quinn Beasley, too.
Nope.
I don't want him.
He does really cool stuff.
In the flow arts?
Yeah.
He juggles chainsaws.
He fucking does the fire shit.
He does the unicycle.
He's a fan.
Man Falls Off Chair with Guitar.
Folk and Hell.
Edited to Phil Co.
That's funny that we had our sales guy fall off his chair yesterday.
There's a stone.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Can I just see the fall part?
Yeah, I want to see it again.
It's slow.
Fucking out!
Oh, that was great.
Oh, he doesn't get up for like a whole minute.
What happened?
You break your hip?
Just lazy.
Now his dog's turning on him.
My lucky chair.
My lucky chair.
Drop the guitar, please.
I've noticed that British people blame their wives when they fall.
Really?
Yeah.
Or when they spill coffee on their keyboard.
They could be in the other room.
That's her lucky chair.
That was funny.
What's the original version?
Wait, did you put the original version?
Yeah.
Why would you do that, Ryan?
So we could see the context.
Let's see that again.
I got to see it again.
One more.
My favorite part is his left hand.
If you just follow that left hand, it's pure joy.
That just made it to my texts.
That's pretty good.
I'm texting that to Anthony Kumia immediately.
He didn't make that.
That would have been great.
I'm on pop.
No, I already read that one.
By the way, fucking our marketing guy.
What do you call him?
Marketing?
Sales guy.
He rips.
He fucking sent me a video of him not falling and he's just shredding his balls off and I sent a video back and we're just like well guess what you're looking at right now.
This is a video of me not caring.
Um this isn't what you want and I'm sorry.
Uh badoo bade badoo bada Who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?
Oh, that's an innocent thing.
That never gets old.
Um okay this is that's gonna be a long show.
That might be a two-parter going through all the contexts.
Gav, an heir to the fag zone.
Did you guys break up with Jerry Cinnamon?
Haven't heard a peep about him in months.
I kind of fucked up with Jerry Cinnamon, folks.
What's up?
I overdid it.
I did the same thing when I was about 19 with eggnog.
It's like I fucking love eggnog.
Why does it only come out in Christmas?
It's the best.
And then I got one and I chugged like three liters of it.
And I still like eggnog, but not a lot.
And I think I fucking ruined Jerry Cinnamon for myself by listening to it.
I would get drunk and sit and just play it on repeat.
Oh, we went a moment for the rest of our lives.
On repeat.
And my kids would be woken up and they'd be like, we heard the Bonnie like seven times last night.
For me, it's like a time and place thing.
It's just the ski trip that we went on.
You know, I had tickets for him playing here in New York right before the fucking pandemic.
Wait, was that Asbury Park?
Where was it supposed to be?
Brooklyn, Asbury Park, something like that?
I can't remember.
I think it was supposed to be at the Capitol Theater in Westchester.
April or May?
Yeah, we're supposed to go see Tommy Robinson in England.
Yeah, I was going to go to the town I was born in.
Right.
Then I was going to meet Tommy and fight him.
Wow.
At his gym.
And my dad was coming.
That's a COVID casualty.
And he was going to show us all his old haunts and, you know, where I was born and all that shit and where we would grow.
My mom used to shop in Luton for groceries, which is where Tommy Robinson is accosted by Muslims every day.
And there was not one Muslim there in 1970.
Now there's a lot of Luton in Luton.
Now that's 60%, I believe.
And the cops don't dare arrest them no matter what they do because the Muslims will storm the police station and rip it to shreds.
So they live above the water.
They should send in the fucking National Guard.
I hate to disappoint conservative Twitter, but I'm going to circle back on a number of things, as we often do directly.
Circle back, circle back.
I hate to disappoint you.
Circle back, circle back.
That's an excellent question.
Circle back, circle back.
I hate to disappoint you, but we will venture to circle back all of you.
Devoid of any political stances, how is that woman still employed?
Hey Ganrian, I don't know if you've ever seen the little movies Michael Jackson songs would have, but in this one it starts with Michael Jackson and Chris Rock looking at women who he later saves.
But everyone has to pretend that Michael Jackson doesn't look like a monster and that the girl would find him even remotely attractive.
Oh yeah.
You can't get that girl.
And he's like, I can get that girl.
I could totally get that girl.
Marlon Brando's in it?
I paid for it last time you were in the middle of the morning.
Late 90s in the introspective music, yeah.
Yeah, that's why you paying for it.
I wish that was a little boy and I could come on him.
That's what he would do.
He'd have them spread their ass cheeks and he would come on their buttholes.
He was a bad man.
That ain't right.
He wrote a song about it.
At least he never used the N-word.
That's what I'm saying.
Talk about black privilege.
You can turn yourself white, give yourself a fake nose, rape kids, and people are like, well, it's not that bad.
I still like his name.
And you could say the N-word.
He was black.
Meanwhile, a guy says, come on, you pussy ass niggas, to his friends for not drinking, and 600 radio stations drop him.
Help me out with the logic there, please, folks at home.
Can you help me out with that?
It's called the bigotry of low expectations.
Oh, my God, Chris.
That's it.
That's the girl I've seen all day.
He can't express himself because he's had so much plastic surgery.
So pretty.
She's so pretty.
That nose, though.
Hey, Gilbugatu, pay today.
Yeah, because they loved Negroes back in those days.
Oh, yeah, Michael Madsen's in there too.
Marlon Brando?
Brando, Madsen.
Mr. Blonde.
We've got a uh oh, that's Chris Penn.
Yeah.
You stop pointing that gun at my damn kid.
I can see her.
She's standing on your side by the bar.
I don't know, man.
I got a bad feeling about this.
I think we should just beat it.
This time just follow me.
I got this.
This girl is dangerous.
His muscle tissue in this whole front of his face is dead.
All the muscles don't comply.
I remember seeing this now and thinking this is gay and boring.
Why am I watching this?
Which is what I'm thinking right now.
So let's move on.
Dear colleagues, my name is Andrei Kozlov.
I'm producer in the Russian multimedia center Izzasia and the Ren TV channel.
I'm looking for an opportunity to interview Miss Gavin McInnes for our main weekly news review program, Dobrov VFER.
We would like to discuss with Mr. McKinnis current quote-unquote witch hunt and censorship that is now happening in the US.
Would it be possible for Mr. McInnes to meet with our film crews this week?
Alternatively, we can arrange an interview with him via Skype or Zoom if that is more preferable.
We would greatly appreciate any possibility.
Best regards, Andrei Kozlov.
Why do I give a fuck what Russia thinks?
Bill Maher sits down with Howard Stern and describes his sad life and sad losers come out of the woodwork to praise him.
Oh, that reminds me of something.
I'm going to make the final video.
You always say that.
You always say that, Arch.
You always said, I'm probably not going to get married.
I definitely don't want kids with your dad.
No, I didn't, Howard.
Do you think a wife would have gotten in the way of that?
Would that have shifted your focus to the point that you couldn't be funny in a way?
I guess so, but that's not why I never got married.
No.
It's funny, as I listen to you, you know, as we've repaired our relationship.
Yes.
One of the normal friends.
Oh, they weren't friends as I've been able to listen to you.
Also, you're in the car always now.
So it's fantastic.
And, you know, I really enjoy it.
I'm a fan.
Thank you.
And I'm of you.
And what is their falling out?
Let's see.
Well, can you keep playing that while you look?
Yeah, the audio.
We're alike in so many ways, except that way.
Right.
You know, you asked me if it the career that would hurt the marriage.
No, it's not that.
It's just that I never understood how, I mean, I've tried to have relationships.
I've been in love.
I've known some amazing couple women.
Some not so amazing.
I know a lot of women, and I love them.
We're amazing.
This is them bearing their feud on the show.
And so they'll probably get into it.
A long-running feud.
They had a falling out.
Ended early this year.
What's your feud about, faggots?
Maybe they'll explain it.
Because I've listened to you the last couple.
I've listened to you all the time, and you had a lot of anxiety just about packing.
I had a lot of people.
Why so much anxiety?
It's not Vietnam in the 60s.
You know what I'm saying?
See, they're feud there with you.
Where the fuck?
I saw this great video that Compound Boss retweeted.
Oh, I think I mailed it to myself.
And it was Howard Stern talking about trophy wives and how pathetic it is to abandon your family for some young bitch.
And I don't think he realized that he was describing his life in tea.
So true.
Go back to the original thing.
I'll try to find that and then we'll play it as the final video.
I think it, I'm seeing something about the, remember when he used the N-word?
When Bill Maher said the N-word?
It might have to be.
First of all, there's a lot of things you could say.
Now, number one, Bill Maher and I are in some sort of weird little tiff.
I don't know.
Bill Maher thinks...
Bill Maher got angry with me because the last time he said something controversial and got thrown off ABC, I disagreed with him.
I didn't back him up.
He had said something about the terrorists not being cowards who flew into the World Trade.
Oh, I remember this now.
And I thought that that was.
He said they were calling them cowards.
And I hate that word coward, by the way, because it's always used to piss off people who don't give a shit about bravery.
Like you call Antifa cowards.
Do you think they care?
They don't even see bravery as a good thing.
They like to do things behind the scenes.
But everyone was calling them cowards.
And Bill Maher's point was, there are a lot of bad things, but they're not cowards.
It's pretty brave.
It's horrible and evil, but it is pretty brave to drive a plane into the World Trade Center.
He's just talking about the actual factual use of the proper word.
Like they have some balls.
Yeah.
It's never a good thing.
I never understood how you can be with the same person just day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.
Because you're shallow.
Oh, God.
I find it so wonderful and relaxing.
Right.
And that I don't feel that pressure.
And you know how weird it is to bring somebody new into your life.
I mean, yes, there's an excuse.
He's used to it.
No, but don't you seriously worry that somebody could go to the press about something happens.
You know what I mean?
I mean, yes, you're not an idiot and you're not going to bring in some maniac.
First of all, if you're a nice person and treat people well, that's much less of a concern.
Most people who get in trouble, it's because they do schmucky things.
And that's not to say people can't take a shot at you just because they see you're an easy target.
People do that all the time, and I'm aware of that.
But you can't live your life worrying about what bad shit might happen.
That's true.
But you love being alone.
You have said it.
You love it.
You love it.
In other words, you wake up in the morning, you're happy to be by yourself.
Correct.
And if something funny hits you, you can write it down.
You can't write shit down if you have a wife.
No.
They eat all your pencils.
I'm to decide what to do with all my time.
What's your day-to-day?
Because I like your schedule in my mind that you will.
His interviews now are so tedious.
They're just ass kissing back and forth, and I love you, and you've been such a great influence, and no, you've been great for me.
And oh, fuck off.
An interview is only interesting when you ask them something controversial.
When Mark Maron has more edge than you, you're not Howard Stern anymore.
So what were we watching that for?
Just to show how lonely they were.
To show how lonely they were.
Oh.
Okay.
We won't make this the final video.
No, we're not going to.
What I'm saying is we're not going to the final video yet.
I want to keep reading.
Gotcha.
Mail.
This is the tweet from Compelle Boss.
Yes.
Imagine you're a young woman in the prime of your life, and this woman must have been desperate for some sort of fame or money or something to marry such a slug.
A man who abandoned his wife and three children.
Miserable wretch.
Of course, he wants a trophy wife because his self-esteem is so low.
He needs one.
He needs a trophy wife.
Every guy would love a trophy wife, but he needs one because he's a filthy pig.
His career, I mean, what's it like to have once been the number one guy in New York?
What's it like to have your ratings, self-esteem, and everything ripped away?
So you've got to find a young woman who suffers her ego.
But every night when he climbs on top of her, he knows.
Do you think it's everything?
Yeah, maybe not.
Well, every morning, you know, I don't care how much money she has.
Every morning, I mean, the corpse that he is, that poor young girl has to spread her legs every morning is Halloween.
She said Halloween, the horror of Halloween.
There's no trick.
And there's no treat.
There's only a trick when she gets in bed.
It's a trick.
It's a cruel trick.
I'm sure when she was growing up and she was so beautiful, her parents said she one day.
She thought she had an illustrious future ahead of her.
Well, I guess she opted for the cash.
Perfect.
Brian, I was going to save that for the final video.
Oh.
You really are.
I think you have Lyme.
Because like Monday, you were doing your job really well.
Today you are sub-retard.
I just thought we were waiting for that.
But I don't know if you're going to be able to do that.
I don't want to hear your stupid reason on why you're stupid.
That's not interesting.
So now what's the final video?
No.
Hey, Gavin and Ryan.
Gavin, you're normally very clean cut, and your hair looks like dog shit lately.
Is this your winter look?
You need a haircut?
What's going on?
I thought I would try growing everything out.
Thanks a lot, jerk.
This video was taken by my wife.
I'm doing daily physical therapy exercise and listening to you hang up on your helicopter, buddy, during the live show.
You make my days better.
Keep it up.
That looks deranged.
It does look a little deranged.
So what's he got to do for some sort of neck therapy?
I'm trying to inflate a balloon.
Inflate a balloon.
The arm up.
Head propped up.
Have you ever had to do?
I've never had to do that.
Have you ever had to recover over the course of weeks doing physical therapy?
I mean, I've got cracked ribs.
That's a pain.
I had a hemorrhoid.
But having to sort of go, uh-uh, uh-uh.
I knew a guy who got circumcised at the age of like 25.
Yeah.
He would, he would, he wasn't, didn't have to do physical therapy, but he, he made couch cushions with a belt around them, like three belts making one belt, just because the idea of it bumping into anything was the worst thing imaginable.
Sure.
That seems the worst.
Hey guys, the Tuesday show is great, but it's the exact same show as the GML podcast number 139.
Still would want to make love to you with your heels on.
What?
Did you upload the same show, or is he just saying you guys are repetitive?
Hopefully that's not what he means.
Wouldn't surprise me.
Brian fucked up again.
No, no.
On the site?
Oh, the podcast.
Let's see.
I'll look into it.
Yeah, you look into that.
Rather than noodling around in your guitar.
Hey, Gavin Rai.
The truth about guns, video crazy.
Okay, let's make this the final video.
So it's called What If the Races Were Reversed?
And we're first going to introduce the final video bumper.
I haven't seen this video yet.
Because it's a mailbag episode, the Mailbag decided the song that we introd the show with.
It conducted the content of the entire episode.
And now it's going to show.
Oh, fuck.
Everyone's seen this a million fucking times.
Thanks, buddy.
Oh, this just happened.
Ready?
He gets shot a bunch of times.
I'm texting him.
I'm emailing him right now.
Ancient Chinese Secret.
Asshole.
God damn.
Why did I listen to him?
Oh, I know a good one.
I sent it to you earlier.
Yeah, that one.
That one.
This is real.
Holy fuck, I thought I was tripping balls.
What the fuck?
Holy fuck.
I think the cockroach likes that.
Maybe the vibrations.
Maybe it stimulates it.
Maybe the dead finger skin on there is like yellow.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's yummy.
Cockroaches are fucking gross.
But they rock.
Cockroaches rock.
Cockroaches.
Rockroaches.
Yeah.
Rock a roaches.
I got a few final videos, actually.
I think we have a guy eating moose poo.
Oh, no, this one is cool.
I never thought of this, but if you're smuggling heroin, black hair would be a good place to put it.
Oh, yeah.
Black hair heroin.
Heroin.
That's good.
Someone told on her.
She did it before.
Yeah.
That's a lot of.
That is heroin, right?
That's a lot of drugs.
So, what's she gonna get now?
That's like life.
No.
You don't think so?
Because it's attempted murder.
Don't they charge us murder?
Or like attempted murder?
Five years.
Check it out for three.
You still got a few in there.
Who's TikToking though?
I think most drug bus are something, especially when you leave America, it's something that's set up with the police where it's like, look, let these go through.
I'll give you a scalp.
And then they take the newbies.
Like that show, Locked Up Abroad.
It's always some newbie who's fallen for a smuggling trick, and they don't want to lose their real moles who are real members of the gang.
So they get people like Ryan to do it.
And then they throw him to the wolves.
And next thing you know, he's fucking in a prison in Nicaragua.
David Cho, you were locked up in Tokyo for months.
Please be unlocked up abroad.
It's the greatest story ever told.
They thought you stole books.
You didn't.
You got in a fight with the cops.
You beat up Japanese police.
And then you were stuck in a cell with nothing.
Your friend was, people were sending you money and letters and stuff to your friend.
He was too lazy to send them to you.
He just threw them in a pile.
You discovered Jesus.
You almost escaped at one point.
And you did beautiful art using piss, shit, and blood because you had no art supplies.
And they contacted him.
He had a whole art show of his stuff.
They contacted him and he went, no, I'm not interested.
Fuck.
What a waste.
He sat down with me after he got out and he told me that story.
It took him seven hours to tell me the entire story from top to bottom.
He didn't leave out one detail.
And I was fucking like this.
And the art he did in there was amazing, too.
What's this now?
Is this the moose poop?
And it appears it died of natural causes.
And when a creature like some dies, the cycle of mother nature.
So this is some hipster.
Oh, the fuck.
Oh, I should have warned you guys.
Sorry, I hadn't seen that yet.
I wish it was Moose Poop.
Oh, my God.
I think the next one is Moose Poop.
Look away.
Oh.
Look away.
This is the same guy.
So when Moose decides to go poo-poo, it comes out in these little nuggets.
Or as I call them.
Is this like an Alaskan hipster gross out artist?
I didn't know that was a thing till right now.
You know, a lot of the people were there.
There was like some shit posers.
There was an Alaskan hipster gross out artist.
There was some flow artists.
There was a Japanese Puerto Rican.
There's a lot of different weirdos.
That's like that SNL sketch where the guy's going like, and there was midgets and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Oh, yeah, that everyone loves.
I hate that character.
Chicks love that thing.
Okay.
And he cracks himself up when he's doing it.
It's so corny.
Moose morsels.
After a long hike to a beautiful scenery like this, finding a moose morsel snack is perfect.
Oh, dude.
Oh.
Oh.
Spit it out.
Get some water from like the Alaska.
Yeah, just swim.
Just drown.
Just drown yourself.
Just chop your head off and put it in the water.
Make sure when you're pulling your head off, though, you remove your esophagus and get that into the water too.
Take it all.
Oh, that's horror.
Yum.
That guy seems kind of cool.
That just wanted me over.
Yeah, it seems like he's a pretty awesome guy.
I want to use that as a drop.
Oh, come on.
Just the yum.
Is that it?
Have we got anything else?
Oh, I got that the CVS vid.
Oh, nice.
I still want to keep this.
Now you'll see.
Either I'm weird for finding this funny, or you will also go, yeah, that is kind of funny how little doors care about us and our well-being.
Doors and humans are not friends.
Don't be deceived by how friendly doors are when you go to CVS.
They children.
Those doors couldn't give less of a shit if you live or die.
Doors don't care about you.
Hi.
Okay, thank you.
Thanks for coming.
He's got the CVS ponytail.
And let me put all my money in there.
Get on my shoulder.
And I want it.
Nope.
So is she holding on on purpose?
That's a strong-ass purse.
Okay, here it comes.
All right.
You're not my problem anymore.
Bye.
Let's just close.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Like the other doors can deal with your shit until you're gone, then those will close too.
Thanks for shopping.
Sorry to laugh as a woman is terrorized.
Right.
Inanimate objects.
Spike Jones did a commercial for IKEA once, and it was really sad about a lamp.
Spike Jones lamp ad.
IKEA.
And it kind of reminds me of the same thing.
Can you imagine if the tonight remember?
Oh, yeah.
Remember this?
I think I do.
Sadly.
He's leaving, saying goodbye.
He's a really talented filmmaker, but throws down the garbage.
Looking inside, Toy Story took advantage of this strange impulse we have.
Many of you feel bad for this lamb.
That is because you're crazy.
It has no feelings.
And the new one is much better.
God, I remember that totally differently.
I remembered him being really aggressive.
If he was allowed to cuss, that would have been great.
Did you feel bad for that?
It's a fucking lamb.
That would have been great.
Yeah.
Jeez, it's funny how your brain twists things.
You made it.
I remember a guy wearing all white.
He was super clean.
He was really aggressive, like, northerner.
What do you call it?
A guy from Norway.
Norwegian.
Northerner.
Yeah, an aggressive Norwegian comes right at you and goes, did you feel bad for that?
It's a lamp.
It has no feelings.
And he walks off.
Wait, that's one.
2002 and 2018.
Maybe you're thinking of the new one.
Yeah, that came back 2018.
Now that we're all soft, we need a happy ending.
I don't want my kids picking up stuff from the garbage, especially a lamp that could give them an electrical shock.