GOML LIVE #82 | INAUGURATED (Part 1)
We get totally inaugurated on this episode as the emperor of McDonald's explained why she flew to earth and saved humanity from itself.
We get totally inaugurated on this episode as the emperor of McDonald's explained why she flew to earth and saved humanity from itself.
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Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes. it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes. | |
You can have me If you want me All I need is a little shrimp money I need a place for all this shit in my closet I need a place to put all my electronics Ain't nice I ain't nice You ain't the nice but you got a nice face Hope I can fit all my shit in your place | |
Got a collection of vintage calculators If you don't like it, well babe I'll see you later Ain't nice Ain't nothing nice Nice Ain't nothing nice I see So, the inauguration. | |
It's a big deal. | |
We had a 22-year-old black girl talking to us like she's Jesus Christ. | |
And a bunch of other platitudes from all sides. | |
I hate speeches. | |
People always go, did you hear the speech? | |
What speech? | |
The speech? | |
The thing a guy wrote for someone on a teleprompter? | |
I don't care about speeches. | |
I like the debates. | |
I like interviews where they're off the cuff, but... Speeches are for creatures. | |
That's kind of a slang for creatures. | |
It's like Valley Girl talk. | |
Like, yo. | |
Or maybe like Bronx. | |
Like, yo. | |
There's lots of creatures there. | |
Creatures. | |
Well, now it's just an accent. | |
Those were the Viagra Boys from Stockholm. | |
Fucking awesome band. | |
Everyone's talking aboot. | |
Um... | |
I should probably have a tattoo on my forehead at this point. | |
Like, I'm that level of weird as far as the way I'm perceived. | |
Probably gonna get a forehead tattoo soon. | |
What should it say? | |
Like, fuckin' boners or something cool. | |
Boners, yeah, that's my favorite thing, boners. | |
What does his say? | |
Maybe we'll just get his. | |
Gavin maybe? | |
Yeah, that's good. | |
Made in England? | |
Yeah, made in England seems like a good idea. | |
Or a symbol. | |
Cross? | |
Today's book, of course, is not exactly very creative. | |
I kind of forgot that we had to have a book, so I just grabbed this. | |
Confederacy of Dunces, the best-selling Pulitzer Prize winning classic by John Kennedy O'Toole. | |
John Kennedy Toole, sorry. | |
They've been talking about making a movie of this forever. | |
Jack Black was going to be the guy, but it never really got off the ground. | |
I don't know why. | |
Hello, you've got a base. | |
Maybe it's cursed. | |
Um, I was talking to my daughter today about laughing out loud in books, and I think I could name maybe three times. | |
In Confederacy of Dunces, he has a revolution. | |
Um, the guy, Ignatius P. Riley is his name. | |
And, uh, he has, he works at some dumb factory, and then they start, they want to lower the salary or something. | |
He's only been there for a minute, but he has a strike. | |
And so he makes these big banners, like, Strike! | |
We will not comply! | |
Resist! | |
Revolution! | |
But they're on his bedsheets, and people who are holding them can recognize jizz stains on the sheets. | |
And I must have been like 15 years old on a bus in Kanata, Ontario, and I laughed out loud at that. | |
I also laughed out loud in Naked by David Sedaris, where you're reading it, you know he's incredibly gay, but of course that's not evident in a book as far as the lisp and the accent goes, right? | |
You're reading letters. | |
But in the book, he's hitchhiking and he gets picked up by some fucking weirdo who tries to rape him, I believe. | |
Like puts his hand on his leg and tries to tongue him and stuff. | |
So he jumps out of a moving car and lands in a ditch. | |
And then he runs up to these frat boys and he's like, oh my God, you're not gonna believe what just happened. | |
I was just in this car and this guy almost killed me. | |
And as he does his diatribe, they go, are you perchance a fag? | |
And then they all start laughing. | |
Pretty good. | |
And you're reading it like this is the first time it's been conceded that David Sedaris talks with a lisp as the author. | |
And I fucking laughed my ass off. | |
That's the only two I can think of. | |
I know there's others. | |
But it's very, very rare to laugh out loud at a book. | |
Oh, I remember now! | |
Gulliver's Travels. | |
So he goes to Lilliput. | |
Everyone's tiny, right? | |
But then he goes to a place where he's tiny. | |
And they're all sexual, by the way, these things that make me laugh out loud. | |
And he goes, I must concede, nothing disgusted me more than the size of her monstrous breast. | |
And the idea of like a one inch tall man looking at a giant tit and being disgusted by it, it made me laugh my ass off. | |
So those are the only three times I can remember laughing out loud reading a book. | |
It's pretty rare. | |
Can you fix the fucking viewfinder here? | |
So that's the opening song. | |
That's the book. | |
Today was a big day, but before we get into any of that, we've got to hear a word from our sponsors, right? | |
Let's start with good old faithful Bubba and Hank's. | |
Proud sponsor, delicious meat. | |
I've had it. | |
My freezer is stocked with Bubba and Hank's. | |
Thank you, Bubba and Hank's. | |
We enjoy that on a regular basis. | |
The steaks, the burgers, What do they got? | |
Wagyu beef? | |
I mean it's incredible high quality. | |
They ship it to you. | |
It's freeze-dried. | |
Perfectly preserved. | |
Throw it in your freezer. | |
Stock up on Bubba and Hank's. | |
FedEx home delivery, seven days a week. | |
And the website is BubbaAndHanks.com. | |
That's Hanks, H-A-N-K-S. | |
Bubba has several Bs, including a double B after the first B. B-U-B-B-A and H-A-N-K-S.com. | |
Say the website and promo code with, sorry, the website is BubbaAndHanks.com. | |
The promo code is Gavin. | |
20% off all orders. | |
So put that in, you get 20% off. | |
This hat, by the way, is a Glaswegian Tam, big in Glasgow, not considered remotely eccentric in Glasgow or Canada. | |
Like, if you wear this, you know, to a party or something, it's just like you wore a baseball hat. | |
It doesn't mean anything to anyone. | |
It's not weird. | |
In America, however, I've been getting some stares. | |
It's like Texas with the cowboy hats. | |
Like, it seems ridiculous. | |
Like, have you seen a cowboy hat even in New York City? | |
They'd look stupid in New York City. | |
They do. | |
But down there, it's like, they look cool here. | |
Okay, shall we go through the inauguration? | |
I was considering jumping on air at noon today and doing it live, but I watched a bit of it and I was like... I mean, it's exactly what you'd expect, right? | |
I will say we have officially taken down Election Gate off the site. | |
Did we do that? | |
It's like... I hope it's down. | |
Oh, there's some- show the site! | |
Interesting news. | |
It's still there. | |
It's still there, that's great. | |
Takes a little bit. | |
No, it doesn't take a little bit. | |
Get it down now, dude. | |
I hate this fucking shit! | |
This fucking shit! | |
Clobuchar. | |
And every time I say something like this, the guy will go, oh yeah, I had to take care of this and take care of that. | |
And then he'll fix the problem in one millisecond. | |
So apparently it wasn't a matter of time. | |
I hate this fucking shit. | |
So yeah, the inauguration- Oh, these explosions are bullshit! | |
was what it was Trump did his farewell speech which was benign and dull and then what Amy Klobuchar came up she's an incompetent bureaucrat why is she in our radar um lady gaga sang a song Biden I gotta say man Biden's confusing me because his speech was obviously just reading from a teleprompter but it was Good, in the sense that it was well delivered. | |
He didn't stutter on any letters. | |
The speechwriter wrote a good speech. | |
He said, let's try to focus on unity, not right versus left, not urban versus rural, blah, blah, blah, which you should say. | |
So, you know, all the boxes were checked off. | |
But I'm just amazed that he could read. | |
Because Kamala Harris may be our first black Indian Daughter of a single mom president, vice president, but this is our first president with dementia. | |
This is a triumph for the mentally ill. | |
Look at him. | |
If you've stuffed my ass with enough Adderall, and I get to sleep for two days before and two days after, I can do a good speech. | |
I heard there was a baby crying at the very beginning. | |
I didn't see the very beginning. | |
Vice President Pence and my distinguished guests, my fellow Americans. | |
This is America's day. | |
This is democracy's day. | |
I thought he drew it as a zoom from home. | |
Yeah. | |
I guess not. | |
Crucible, that's a big word. | |
What is a crucible? | |
Stop, Ryan. | |
On our new investigation on whether you and I are stupid, and I'm twice as smart as you. | |
So if I'm stupid, you're fucked. | |
If I'm stupid, you're a worm. | |
What's a crucible? | |
I think it is a series of challenges and obstacles to overcome. | |
Okay, that's retarded. | |
I am dumb, and I think it's a glass sphere. | |
I think it was popularized by a play? | |
The Crucible? | |
Um, but I guess, uh, it means like a new beginning according to him. | |
Oh, I'm thinking of in, in the Marines, the crucible is something that it's, it's what I'd said. | |
It's like obstacle course. | |
What's a crucible? | |
Hey computer, what's a crucible? | |
The noun crucible can have a few meanings. | |
One, A container of metal or refractory material employed for heating substances to high temperatures. | |
2. | |
A hollow area at the bottom of a furnace in which the metal collects. | |
3. | |
A severe searching test or trial. | |
Sounds like stupid idiot moron pants Ryan beat me. | |
I think you won that one. | |
That is my victory laugh. | |
Maybe because the picture on the cover of the play is like a spherical thing, but it's not. | |
When you google image it, it's like a cup. | |
Was the Crucible, what was that about? | |
Was that about witches? | |
Oh shit dude, I'm getting really paranoid that I'm retarded. | |
It's like finding out you're gay. | |
Like I feel like someone who's around 11, and all my friends are like, check out these tits, and I go, eh. | |
They're no dicks. | |
I mean, similarly. | |
They're kind of like ugly dicks, but there's two of them on a broad. | |
Why does her pelvis area have nothing dangling? | |
That's gross. | |
Missing something. | |
I just enjoyed a show tune. | |
I feel that same way, but stupidity. | |
Yeah, the crucible. | |
You're showing the cover of the book there. | |
It doesn't have a sphere. | |
No, but they have different book covers for every, like I can't find the 1984 book cover. | |
I'm not seeing a lot of spheres. | |
I don't see spheres, maybe... I see a lot of nooses. | |
It was about witches, right? | |
Oh no. | |
It was the witch book? | |
Oy vey. | |
All right, so let's go back to his speech. | |
Not that we're gonna glean anything from these platitudes. | |
We need to come together! | |
Yeah, I know dude. | |
Right now, over me. | |
The cause of democracy The people, the will of the people, has been heard. | |
And the will of the people has been heeded. | |
We're not sure about that. | |
We've learned again that democracy is precious. | |
Democracy is fragile. | |
At this hour, my friends, democracy has prevailed. | |
I mean, that's good. | |
You gotta admit, like, that's well delivered. | |
This is not Vice Principal under Barack Toboggan. | |
So what is it? | |
It's gotta be Adderall, right? | |
President Fizer. | |
President Pfizer. - Violence sought to shake the Capitol's very foundation. | |
We come together as one nation under God, indivisible. - So we were talking about the Trump's new army video where they talk about how horrible the Capitol invasion was And again, we didn't advocate it. | |
We said don't do it. | |
In fact, our boy Joe Biggs, contributor at censored.tv, has been arrested by the FBI. | |
Probably should have started with that. | |
But he called me last night and he's like, can you loan me some money for a lawyer? | |
I can get a great guy. | |
And I said no. | |
To be clear, because this is a weird subject, I consider myself below Joe Biggs when it comes to being a man. | |
Joe Biggs has, I believe, two Purple Hearts. | |
He has put his life on the line to die for our country because he saw what happened with 9-11. | |
As far as I'm concerned, that puts a man on a different plane. | |
He's better than us. | |
Just like the parents of Marines who died. | |
What do you call them? | |
Silver parents or something? | |
They're different than my parents. | |
They're better parents. | |
They're better people. | |
They should have different rules going forward. | |
If you put your life on the line for your country, you're not the same as us. | |
You should get different treatment in the judicial system and everything. | |
But I said don't go there. | |
I mean, it puts our sight in jeopardy going there. | |
What, you know, what if the DA tries to frame censored.tv as some sort of hub where terrorists, or gold star families, that's it. | |
Some sort of hub where terrorist activities are planned. | |
Now, of course, if you tune into my show, you'll see me saying, don't go to that rally. | |
I don't know, don't go to any fucking rallies. | |
Why did rallies become a thing with Proud Boys? | |
I understood the... | |
You know, bodyguarding, because conservatives were getting attacked. | |
That made sense. | |
But like, especially after the Million Mega March where the point was made, Antifa are scum, and a lot of people support Trump. | |
Good, we're done. | |
Why keep going back and getting stabbed again and again and again? | |
Like what's the point of going to Harry's on a monthly basis to deal with people with knives? | |
Are you cleaning up the streets of DC? | |
Why? | |
Anyway- They're throwing themselves into the road gladly! | |
I love Joe Biggs, but this is not my fight. | |
I didn't want anyone to go there, and I cannot get involved. | |
I'll fucking die on the cross for James and Max, for John and Max, and I talk to their lawyers on a regular basis, and Zenoa, and Max himself, and I pay attention to their books, and I send them stuff, and I'm raising money for them. | |
That's different. | |
But anyway, so remember there was that video about the Capitol, Trump's army, and how we're all gonna die? | |
And I said, this should be re-edited with better footage. | |
And several people did it. | |
I gotta say one thing about our viewers. | |
And I hate the word fans. | |
They're not fans. | |
Fans imply someone's below you. | |
We're together on this. | |
So our subscribers, our viewers. | |
One great thing about them is that they fucking deliver. | |
They made all our whatchamacalls, our interstitials, our little intro cards. | |
And every time we talk about a video, they make a great one, and it's not half-assed. | |
So the first one is the worst one, and it's really good, and then I'll show you a better one. | |
So this is 2-0. | |
Let me make sure this is the right one here. | |
I love this hat. | |
I'm gonna start wearing this hat more. | |
This is my new look. | |
The threat facing America today comes from within. | |
Radical extreme conservatives, also known as domestic terrorists. | |
Does that face look a little gay to you? | |
I mean, it's the lips. | |
They're hidden among us, disguised behind regular jobs. | |
For more than a decade, Donald Trump has spoken directly to white supremacists in their language. | |
Racism is evil. | |
And those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs. | |
I'm gonna miss the hand gesture. | |
Me too. | |
I'm proposing we form a citizen army. | |
Our weapons will be computers and cell phones. | |
We, who are monitoring extremists on the internet and reporting their findings to authorities. | |
Remember, before the Navy SEALs killed Osama Bin Laden, he had to be found. | |
He was found by a CIA analyst working on a computer thousands of miles away. | |
It's up to you. | |
I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds fucking retarded. | |
Video Podcast Network was Windy City Heat, that was what the big three were on. | |
And by the way, my hat yesterday that had the address was a Windy City Heat reference. | |
But this is an even better one, 2-1. | |
On or before January 20th, Donald Trump will no longer be the Commander-in-Chief. | |
He will lose control of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Special Forces, and America's nuclear arsenal. | |
He's gonna lose his nuclear arsenal. | |
On January 20th, Donald Trump will become the Commander-in-Chief of a different army. | |
Hold on a second. | |
If this guy is so horrible, why didn't he do anything with his nuclear arsenal? | |
Why was there unprecedented peace in his time? | |
Where were there so few wars? | |
Why was there so little conflict if this guy is such a fucking threat? | |
We just had him for four years. | |
You just showed me all the access to weaponry he had. | |
Nothing went down. | |
We blew up like an airbase in Syria, I think, one afternoon. | |
Yeah. | |
But now we have to be scared of housewives. | |
You should have been just, like, arresting gays and building the wall with, like, Mexican bones. | |
Yeah, we're actually disappointed in this lack of fascism. | |
Pardoning cool people instead of rappers. | |
The greatest threat facing America today comes from within. | |
Radical extreme conservatives, also known as domestic terrorists. | |
Fucking A, man. | |
Glad to see you guys. | |
I got shot in the face with some kind of plastic bullet. | |
Shot in the face with some kind of plastic bullet? | |
We will. | |
I'll be making sure they ain't disrespecting the place. | |
Okay. | |
They are hidden among us, disguised behind regular jobs. | |
They are your children's teachers. | |
They work at supermarkets, malls, doctor's offices, and many are police officers and soldiers. | |
For more than a decade, Donald Trump has spoken directly to white supremacists in their language. | |
Build that wall! | |
Now listen, he gonna put that wall up! | |
Pocahontas, is it offensive? | |
Oh, I'm sorry about that. | |
Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States. | |
In the middle of a presidential debate, Donald Trump was asked to disavow white supremacy. | |
I denounce white supremacy, okay? | |
Wait, are you listening? | |
I denounce white supremacy. | |
What's your next question? | |
Are you willing, tonight, to condemn white supremacists and militia groups and to say that they need to stand down and not add to the violence in a number of these cities as we saw in Kenosha and as we've seen in Portland? | |
Sure, I'm willing to do that. | |
He refused. | |
He only did it seven times. | |
Pretty good quality, huh? | |
Oh, cool. | |
That was a nice touch. | |
Stand back and stand by. | |
Wow. | |
Stand back and stand by. | |
Stand back and stand by. | |
Pretty good quality, huh? | |
Explosions are bullshit. | |
Oh, cool. | |
That was a nice touch. | |
Um... | |
Canal Plus came by. | |
And, uh, that's 2-3. | |
They wanted to, uh, talk to me about... Look at these fops. | |
...qui a succeded à Ronald Reagan, mais sinon, en règle générale, le vice-président n'a pas, si vous voulez, le poids, l'influence pour devenir président. | |
La démocratie américaine peut nous réserver beaucoup de surprises. | |
Alors jusqu'au bout, les supporters maximalistes de Donald Trump ont cru qu'il allait se maintenir. | |
Et notamment les fameux Proud Boys, dont le leader craint à notre micro 4 ans de socialisme et la fin de la liberté d'expression dans son pays. | |
C'est un reportage sur place de Laura Herpeu et Margot Bachelier avec Julie Patin. | |
Avec Julie Patin. | |
Two girls. | |
So, I think what the other guy was just saying before there is that I said that Biden taking over for the next at least four years is going to be a huge regress to socialism. | |
And there's a myth when we say make America great again that we want to go back to Jim Crow. | |
We actually want to go back to 1985. | |
Unfortunately, the left wants us back in 1984. | |
I've been using that line quite a bit. | |
I'm pretty happy with it. | |
Anti-feminist, anti-immigrant. | |
There's Joe Biggs. | |
The Proud Boys make the white supremacist symbol. | |
The cult of the extreme-right, only masculine, is the defender of the values of the Occident. | |
A movement founded in four years ago by Gavin McInnes. | |
There's our studio, boys. | |
What do they say? | |
They defend today's views controversies on the internet. | |
The Pratt Boys are listed as a threat by the FBI, the internal security and many other things, which is the center of fusion of Virginie. | |
I don't know what it is. | |
Most of the big platforms internet banned them because of the haine or violence. | |
America was founded first on Christianity and then on freedom of speech. | |
America was founded on Christianity and free speech. | |
And when we take that away, we have no America left. | |
Socialism, uncontrolled borders, delusional taxes and well-meaning policies. | |
I'm talking about the dangers of socialism to French people, which is like, that's like telling them the dangers of baguette and crème brûlée. | |
Impeachment is fake. | |
He hasn't done anything wrong. | |
The impeachment is fake. | |
It's not fake. | |
It's not real. | |
He hasn't done anything wrong. | |
The impeachment is fake. | |
He hasn't done anything wrong. | |
The President doesn't shock him. | |
What we saw on the 6th of January, the invasion of the Capitol... | |
And I'm saying, I'm explaining that on January 6, it wasn't the beginning of an imminent boogaloo, race war, whatever. | |
It was just a fucking take this job and shove it, and angry employees who had been fucked over flipping their desks. | |
I don't advocate flipping your desk, but I understand why you left in a rage from your job. | |
I'm not inciting anyone. | |
There's our new studio, kiddies. | |
In the Boogie Down Bronx. | |
I'm explaining that we'll have this sort of Infowars type set, a sort of Dave Rubin sit-down set, a bar for free speech. | |
I want to have two different things. | |
I'm going to have interviews with celebrities, like Ann Coulter and stuff, where we sit down, or Ron Coleman, get into Judaism. | |
But then I also want to, at the bar, I want to have interviews with, like, a plumber. | |
And really get into it! | |
Like, tell you how to be a plumber. | |
Or a cop, or someone in sanitation. | |
And I won't call them their name. | |
I'll say, like, interview with a plumber. | |
I'm really looking forward to that. | |
Anyway, you get the idea. | |
Bunch of fucking frogs. | |
You know what's funny about the Joe Biggs thing is, it was on Huffington Post, it was on NBC, and they were relatively fair. | |
The worst one I saw was this one, 2-4, on the hill. | |
And it was like, Proud Boys smashed the windows with a police shield, which is just a lie. | |
But isn't the hill... I thought it was relatively right-wing. | |
Arrested Joe Biggs, HuffPo reports, hit by officials, arrested blah blah blah. | |
In the video, voice of the camera says, hey Biggs, what do you got to say? | |
And he goes, this is awesome. | |
Apparently, everything was broken in, like broken open when he got there, and he walked in and went piss and left. | |
Not the end of the world, but not something that I think is very good for anyone. | |
I saw there's kind of a weird civil war going on in the Proud Boys right now. | |
Do you know about this? | |
Uh, yeah. | |
What do you know? | |
That it's like an anti-rally thing, where like, stop going to rallies and being retards and like, rebrand the aesthetic of it. | |
Or the, like, you know, don't associate with the people that go out and Well it was a secret club before, before we got into security, before they got into security. | |
It was just a secret club. | |
Like Barney Rubble's wife, Betty I believe, she didn't really know about the water buffaloes. | |
You know, she didn't read about the Water Buffaloes. | |
Your wife doesn't know about the Knights of Columbus. | |
My wife has no idea what I do at Knights of Columbus meetings. | |
That was the business plan. | |
Then it just became Rally Central. | |
The loudest wheels get the grease, is basically what happens. | |
What are rallies? | |
Like, what are we, hippies, protesting the Vietnam War? | |
I don't get it! | |
I get that once you want to say, hey, Trump isn't being respected. | |
He got a lot more votes than that. | |
Watch this. | |
We're going to go to D.C. | |
And then there's like a million people in D.C. | |
Gotcha. | |
I get that. | |
Once. | |
The rest? | |
Anyway, we should get back to the inauguration. | |
But before we do, we're running out of time here. | |
Johnny Apple CBD, proud sponsor. | |
They've been with us since the beginning. | |
Go to jacbd.com, enter promo code GAVIN, you get 20% off all orders. | |
That is jacbd.com or johnnyapple.com. | |
They own both URLs. | |
And what do you get? | |
You get the gummies! | |
You get the tinctures taking the edge off your coffee. | |
You get the CBD for your sore muscles. | |
I'm fucking dreading tomorrow. | |
I gotta spar. | |
The only thing worse than sparring is refusing to spar. | |
But I have a new rule with sparring. | |
If you hit me in the head three times very hard, I'm stopping. | |
I won't stop mid-round, but I'm not, I don't want to do this anymore. | |
I have three blows to the head in me. | |
And then I'm out. | |
But yeah, JACBD.com, enter promo code Gavin. | |
Let's get down to the inauguration, but as far as this podcast goes, we're going to sign off on the freebies. | |
Do we still put this thing on the free podcast? | |
Oh yeah. | |
You look like you forgot and you missed like four months. | |
Who, me? | |
No. | |
So last week's... They're up there. | |
...is on Podcast Land. | |
Yes. | |
Promise? | |
Yep. | |
Let me see. | |
I'll kill your entire family in front of you if you haven't done that. | |
I'll help ya. | |
I'll help ya, you bum! | |
Oh, Lloyd. | |
So, to the people doing the freebies, I'm gonna say... | |
Goodbye. | |
And to the rest of us paying for this show, we're going to keep going with the inauguration and enjoying ourselves, and then we're going to take calls and do some sketches. | |
So, uh, what are you showing, Ryan? | |
You're showing all your shit, you dumb asshole. | |
It's up there. | |
Okay. | |
Get fired. | |
Get in trouble. | |
Be brave. |