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Jan. 21, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
30:38
GOML LIVE #82 | INAUGURATED (Part 1)

We get totally inaugurated on this episode as the emperor of McDonald's explained why she flew to earth and saved humanity from itself.

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So the inauguration.
That's a big deal.
We had a 22-year-old black girl talking to us like she's Jesus Christ and a bunch of other platitudes from all sides.
I hate speeches.
People always go, did you hear the speech?
What's speech?
The speech?
A thing a guy wrote for someone on a teleprompter?
I don't care about speeches.
I like the debates.
I like interviews where they're off the cuff, but speeches are for creatures.
That's kind of a slang for creatures.
It's like Valley Girl talk, like, yo, or maybe like Bronx.
Like, yo, there's lots of creatures there.
Creatures.
Well, now it's just an accent.
That was the Viagra Boys from Stockholm.
Fucking awesome band.
Everyone's talking about.
I should probably have a tattoo on my forehead at this point.
Like, I'm that level of weird as far as the way I'm perceived.
Probably going to get a forehead tattoo soon.
What should it say?
Like, fucking boners or something.
Cool.
Boners.
Yeah, that's my favorite thing.
Boners.
What does his say?
Let me just get his.
Gavin, maybe?
Yeah, that's good.
Made in England.
Yeah, Made in England seems like a good idea.
Or a symbol.
Boss.
Today's book, of course, is not exactly very creative.
I kind of forgot that we had to have a book, so I just grabbed this.
Confederacy of Dunces, the best-selling Pulitzer Prize winning classic by John Kennedy O'Toole, or John Kennedy Tool, sorry.
They've been talking about making a movie of this forever.
Jack Black was going to be the guy, but it never really got off the ground.
I don't know why.
Maybe it's cursed.
I was talking to my daughter today about laughing out loud in books, and I think I could name maybe three times.
In Confederacy of Dunces, he has a revolution.
The guy, Ignatius P. Riley is his name.
And he has, he works at some dumb factory, and then they start, they want to lower the salary or something.
He's only been there for a minute, but he has a strike.
And so he makes these big banners like, strike, we will not comply, resist, revolution.
But they're on his bed sheets.
And people who are holding them can recognize jizz stains on the sheets.
And I must have been like 15 years old on a bus in Kanata, Ontario.
And I laughed out loud at that.
I also laughed out loud in Naked by David Sederis, where you're reading it.
You know he's incredibly gay.
But, of course, that's not evident in a book as far as like the lisp and the accent goes, right?
You're reading letters.
But in the book, he's hitchhiking.
And he gets picked up by some fucking weirdo who tries to rape him, I believe, like puts his hand on his leg and tries to tongue him and stuff.
So he jumps out of a moving car and lands in a ditch.
And then he runs up to these frat boys and he's like, oh my God, you're not going to believe what just happened.
I was just in this car and this guy almost killed me.
And as he does his diatribe, they go, are you perchance a fag?
And then they all start laughing.
And you're reading it like this is the first time it's been conceded that David Sederis talks with a lisp as the author.
And I fucking laughed my ass off.
That's the only two I can think of.
I know there's others, but it's very, very rare to laugh out loud at a book.
Oh, I remember now.
Gulliver's Gulliver's Gulliver's Travels.
So he goes to Lilliput, everyone's tiny, right?
But then he goes to a place where he's tiny.
And they're all sexual, by the way, these things that made me laugh out loud.
And he goes, I must concede, nothing disgusted me more than the size of her monstrous breast.
And the idea of like a, what, a one-inch tall man looking at a giant tit and being disgusted by it, it made me laugh my ass off.
So those are the only three times I can remember laughing out loud, reading a book.
It's pretty rare.
Can you fix the fucking viewfinder here?
So that's the opening song.
That's the book.
Today was a big day.
But before we get into any of that, we've got to hear a word from our sponsors, right?
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This hat, by the way, is a Glaswegian Tam, big in Glasgow, not considered remotely eccentric in Glasgow or Canada.
Like if you wear this, you know, to a party or something, it's just like you wore a baseball hat.
It doesn't mean anything to anyone.
It's not weird.
In America, however, I've been getting some stares.
It's like Texas with the cowboy hats.
Like, it seems ridiculous.
Like, have you seen the cowboy hat even in New York City?
They look stupid in New York City.
They do, but down there, it's like...
They look cool here.
Okay, so we go through the inauguration.
I was considering jumping on air at noon today and doing it live, but I watched a bit of it and I was like, I mean, it's exactly what you'd expect, right?
I will say we have officially taken down Election Gate off the site.
Did we do that?
Sleep.
I hope it's down.
Oh, there's some show the site.
Interesting news.
It's still there.
It's still there.
It takes a little bit.
No, it doesn't take a little bit.
Get it down now, dude.
I hate this fucking shit.
This fucking shit.
Klobuchar.
And every time I say something like this, the guy will go, oh, yeah, I had to take care of this and take care of that.
And then he'll fix the problem in one millisecond.
So apparently it wasn't a matter of time.
I hate this fucking shit.
So yeah, the United States.
These explosions of bullshit was what?
It was Trump did his farewell speech, which was benign and dull.
And then what, Amy Klobuchar came up?
She's an incompetent bureaucrat.
Why is she in our radar?
Lady Gagass sang a song.
Biden, I gotta say, man, Biden's confusing me.
Because his speech was obviously just reading from a teleprompter, but it was good in the sense that it was well delivered.
He didn't stutter on any letters.
The speechwriter wrote a good speech.
He said, let's try to focus on unity, not right versus left, not urban versus rural, blah, blah, blah.
Which is, you should say.
So, you know, all the boxes were checked off.
But I'm just amazed that he could read.
Because Kamala Harris may be our first black Indian daughter of a single mom president, vice president, but this is our first president with dementia.
This is a triumph for the mentally ill.
Look at him.
If you've stuffed my ass with enough Adderall and I get to sleep for two days before and two days after, I can do a good speech.
I heard there was a baby crying at the very beginning.
I didn't see the very beginning.
Vice Principal of Under Brock Toboggan.
Distinguished guests, my fellow Americans.
This is America's Day.
This is Democracy's Day.
A day of history and hope.
As a Zoom from home.
True crucible.
For the ages, America has been tested a new crucible.
That's a big word.
And America has risen to the challenge.
What is a crucible?
Stop, Ryan.
On our new investigation on whether you and I are stupid, and I'm twice as smart as you.
So if I'm stupid, you're fucked.
If I'm stupid, you're a worm.
What's a crucible?
I think it is a series of challenges and obstacles to overcome.
Okay, that's retarded.
I am dumb, and I think it's a glass sphere.
I think it was popularized by a play, The Crucible.
Crucible.
But I guess it means like a new beginning, according to him.
Oh, I'm thinking of in the Marines, the crucible is something that's what I said.
It's like obstacle cords.
What's a crucible?
Hey, computer, what's a crucible?
The noun crucible can have a few meanings.
One, a container of metal or refractory material employed for heating substances to high temperatures.
Two, a hollow area at the bottom of a furnace in which the metal collects.
Three, a severe searching test or trial.
Sounds like stupid idiot moron pants, Ryan, beat me.
I think you won that one.
Maybe because the picture on the cover of the play is like a spherical thing, but it's not when you Google image it.
It's like a cup.
Was the Crucible, what was that at the beginning?
Was that about witches?
Dude, I'm getting really paranoid that I'm retarded.
It's like finding out you're gay.
Like, I feel like someone who's around 11 and all my friends are like, check out these tits.
And I go, they're no dicks.
Similarly.
They're kind of like ugly dicks, but there's two of them on abroad.
Why does her pelvis area have nothing dangling?
That's gross.
It's missing something.
I just enjoyed a show tune.
I feel that same way, but stupidity.
Yeah, the crucible, you're showing the cover of the book there.
It doesn't have a sphere.
No, but they have different book covers for every like I can't find the 1984.
I'm seeing a lot of spheres.
I don't see spheres.
I see a lot of nooses.
It was about witches, right?
Oh, no.
It was the witch book.
Hoyvey.
All right, so let's go back to his speech.
Not that we're going to glean anything from these platitudes.
We need to come together.
Yeah, I know, dude.
Right now, over me.
The cause of democracy, the people, the will of the people has been heard.
And the will of the people has been heeded.
We've learned again that democracy is precious.
Democracy is fragile.
At this hour, my friends, democracy has prevailed.
I mean, that's good.
You got to admit, like, that's well delivered.
This is not vice principal under Barack Tobagan.
So what is, it's got to be Adderall, right?
On this hallowed ground, President Pfizer.
Violence sought to shake the Capitol's very foundation.
We come together as one nation under God.
So we were talking about the Trump's new army video where they talk about how horrible the Capitol invasion was.
And again, we didn't advocate it.
We said don't do it.
In fact, our boy Joe Biggs, contributor at Censored.tv, has been arrested by the FBI.
Probably should have started with that.
But he called me last night and he's like, can you loan me some money for a lawyer?
I can get a great guy.
And I said no.
To be clear, because this is a weird subject, I consider myself below Joe Biggs when it comes to being a man.
Joe Biggs has, I believe, two Purple Hearts.
He has put his life on the line to die for our country because he saw what happened with 9-11.
As far as I'm concerned, that puts a man on a different plane.
He's better than us.
Just like the parents of Marines who died.
What do you call them?
Silver parents or something?
They're different than my parents.
They're better parents.
They're better people.
They should have different rules going forward.
If you put your life on the line for your country, you're not the same as us.
You should get different treatment in the judicial system and everything.
But I said don't go there.
I mean, it puts our site in jeopardy going there.
You know, what if the DA tries to frame censored.tv as some sort of hub where terrorists, oh, gold star families, that's it.
Some sort of hub where terrorist activities are planned.
Now, of course, if you tune into my show, you'll see me saying, don't go to that rally.
I don't know.
Don't go to any fucking rallies.
Why did rallies become a thing with Proud Boys?
I understood the bodyguarding because conservatives were getting attacked.
That made sense.
But like, especially after the Million Mega March, where the point was made, Antifa are scum and a lot of people support Trump.
Good.
We're done.
Why keep going back and getting stabbed again and again and again?
Like, what's the point of going to Harry's on a monthly basis to deal with people with knives?
Are you cleaning up the streets of DC?
Why?
Anyway.
I love Joe Biggs, but this is not my fight.
I didn't want anyone to go there.
And I cannot get involved.
I'll fucking die on the cross for James and Max, for John and Max.
And I work with, I talk to their lawyers on a regular basis, and Zenoa and Max himself.
And I pay attention to their books and I send them stuff and I'm raising money for them.
That's different.
But anyway, so remember there was that video about the Capitol, Trump's army, and how we're all going to die?
And I said, this should be re-edited with better footage.
And several people did it.
I got to say one thing about our viewers.
And I hate the word fans.
They're not fans.
Fans imply someone's below you.
We're together on this.
So our subscribers, our viewers, one great thing about them is that they fucking deliver.
They made all our whatchamacallits or interstitials, our little intro cards.
And every time we talk about a video, they make a great one.
And it's not half-assed.
So the first one is the worst one, and it's really good.
And then I'll show you a better one.
So this is 2-0.
Let me make sure there's the right one here.
I love this hat.
I'm going to start wearing this hat more.
This is my new look.
Yep.
Greatest threat facing America today comes from within.
Radical extreme conservatives, also known as domestic terrorists.
Does that face look a little gay to you?
I mean, it's the lips.
They are hidden among us, disguised behind regular jobs.
For more than a decade, Donald Trump has spoken directly to white supremacists in their language.
Racism is evil.
And those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs.
i'm gonna miss the hand gesture will become the commander-in-chief of a different army i got shot in the face with some kind of plastic any chance i could get you guys to leave the senate wing Wait, wait, wait.
I'll be like to show that disrespect in the place.
I'm proposing we form a citizen army.
Our weapons will be computers and cell phones.
We who are monitoring extremists on the internet and reporting their findings to authorities.
Remember, before the Navy SEALs killed Osama bin Laden, he had to be found.
He was found by a CIA analyst working on a computer thousands of miles away.
It's up to you.
I don't know what any of that means.
It sounds fucking retarded.
Video Podcast Network was Windy City Heat.
That was what the big three were on.
And by the way, my hat yesterday that had the address was a Windy City Heat reference.
But this is an even better one, 2-1.
On or before January 20th, Donald Trump will no longer be the Commander-in-Chief.
He will lose control of the army.
He will be the Commander-in-Chief.
On January 20th, Donald Trump will become the Commander-in-Chief of a different army.
Hold on a second.
If this guy is so horrible, why didn't he do anything with his nuclear arsenal?
Why was there unprecedented peace in his time?
Where were there so few wars?
Why was there so little conflict if this guy is such a fucking threat?
We just had him for four years.
You just showed me all the access to weaponry he had.
Nothing went down.
We blew up like an air base in Syria, I think, one afternoon.
Yeah.
But now we have to be scared of housewives.
He should have been just like arresting gays and building the wall with like Mexican bones.
Yeah, we're actually disappointed in this lack of fascism.
Pardoning cool people instead of rappers.
The greatest threat facing America today comes from within.
Radical extreme conservatives, also known as domestic terrorists.
Back in A, man.
Glad to see you guys.
I got shot in the face with some kind of plastic bullet.
Shot in the face.
Some kind of plastic bullet.
I've been making sure they ain't disrespecting the place.
Okay.
They are hidden among us, disguised behind regular jobs.
They are your children's teachers.
They work at supermarkets, malls, doctors' offices, and many are police officers and soldiers.
For more than a decade, Donald Trump has spoken directly to white supremacists in their language.
Pocahontas, is it offensive?
Oh, really?
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States.
In the middle of a presidential debate, Donald Trump was asked to disavow white supremacy.
I denounce white supremacy.
Okay.
Wait, are you listening?
I denounce white supremacy.
What's your next question?
Are you willing tonight to condemn white supremacists and militia groups and to say that they need to stand down and not add to the violence in a number of these cities as we saw in Kenosha and as we've seen in Portland?
Are you prepared to do that?
He refused.
Instead, stand back and stand by.
Proud boys, stand back and stand by.
Stand back and stand by.
Stand by and stand by.
Pretty good quality, huh?
Explosions of bullshit.
Oh, cool.
That was a nice touch.
Canal Plus came by.
And that's 2-3.
They wanted to talk to me about.
Look at these fops.
I guess I'm the leader of the pro boys now?
And Margot Bachelier with Julie Patin.
With Julie Patin, two girls.
So, I think what the other guy was just saying before there is that I said that Biden taking over for the next at least four years is going to be a huge regress to socialism.
And there's a myth when we say make America great again that we want to go back to Jim Crow.
We actually want to go back to 1985.
Unfortunately, the left wants us back in 1984.
I've been using that line quite a bit.
I'm pretty happy with it.
Un fatigable soutien de Donald Trump, anti-immigrés, anti-féministes.
Anti-feminist, anti-immigrant.
The Proud Boys make the white supremacist symbol.
There's a studio, boys.
Gavin Mixon.
So, Proud Boys are solid as BIA, what do they say?
Well, what are you saying, I guess?
La plupart des grandes plateformes internet l'ont banni à cause d'appels à la haine ou à la violence.
L'Amérique a été fondée d'abord sur le christianisme et ensuite sur la liberté de parole.
America was found in Christianity and free speech.
And we...
And when we take that away, we have no America left.
I'm talking about the dangers of socialism to French people, which is like, that's like telling them the dangers of baguette and crème brûlée.
Impeachment is fake, he hasn't done anything wrong.
And I'm saying, I'm explaining that on January 6th, it wasn't the beginning of an imminent boogaloo race war or whatever.
It was just a fucking take this job and shove it, and angry employees who had been fucked over flipping their desks.
I don't advocate flipping your desk, but I understand why you left in a rage from your job.
There's our new studio, kiddies.
In the boogie damn Bronx.
So, that's one show.
That's my daily show.
I'm explaining that we'll have the sort of InfoWars type set, a sort of Dave Rubin sit-down set, a bar for free speech.
I want to have two different things.
I'm going to have interviews with celebrities like Ann Coulter and stuff, where we sit down, or Ron Coleman, get into Judaism.
But then I also want to, at the bar, I want to have interviews with like a plumber and really get into it.
Like, tell you how to be a plumber or a cop, but someone in sanitation.
And I won't call them their name.
I'll say, like, interview with a plumber.
I'm really looking forward to that.
Anyway, you get the idea.
Bunch of fucking frogs.
You know, what's funny about the Joe Biggs thing is he was on Huffington Post, it was on NBC, and they were relatively fair.
The worst one I saw was this one, 2-4, on the Hill.
And it was like Proud Boys smashed the windows with a police shield, which is just a lie.
But isn't the Hill I thought it was relatively right-wing arrested Joe Biggs, HuffPo reports, CFI officials, arrested, blah, blah, blah.
In the video, Voice of the Camera says, Hey, Biggs, what do you got to say?
And he goes, This is awesome.
Apparently, everything was broken in, like broken open when he got there.
And he walked in and went piss and left.
Not the end of the world, but not something that I think is very good for anyone.
I saw there's kind of a weird civil war going on in the Proud Boys right now.
Do you know about this?
Yeah.
What do you know?
That it's like an anti-rally thing.
We're like, stop going to rallies and being retards and like rebrand the aesthetic of it or the like, you know, don't associate with the people that go out and.
Well, it was a secret club before.
Before we got into security, before they got into security, it was just a secret club.
Like, like Barney Rubble's wife, Betty, I believe, she didn't really know about the water buffaloes.
You know, she didn't read about the water buffaloes.
Your wife doesn't know about the Knights of Columbus.
My wife has no idea what I do at Knights of Columbus meetings.
That was the business plan.
Then it just became Rally Central.
The loudest wheels get the grease is basically what happens.
What are rallies?
Like, what are we hippies protesting the Vietnam War?
I don't get it.
I get that once you want to say, hey, Trump isn't being respected.
He got a lot more votes than that.
Watch this.
We're going to go to DC.
And then there's like a million people in DC.
Gotcha.
I get that.
Once.
The rest?
Anyway, we should get back to the inauguration.
But before we do, we're running out of time here.
And the first order I'm going to be signing.
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They've been with us since the beginning.
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Enter promo code Gavin.
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They own both URLs.
And what do you get?
You get the gummies.
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I'm fucking dreading tomorrow.
I got a spar.
The only thing worse than sparring is refusing to spar.
But I have a new rule with sparring.
If you hit me in the head three times very hard, I'm stopping.
I won't stop mid-round, but I'm not, I don't want to do this anymore.
I have three blows to the head in me.
And then I'm out.
But yeah, jacbd.com.
Enter promo code Gavin.
Let's get down to the inauguration.
But as far as this podcast goes, we're going to sign off on the freebies.
Do we still put this thing on the free podcast?
Oh, yeah.
You look like you forgot and you missed like four months.
Who me?
No.
So last week's is on podcast land.
Yes.
Promise?
Yep.
Let me see.
I'll kill your entire family in front of you if you haven't done that.
I'll help you.
I'll help you, you bum.
Oh, Lloyd.
So to the people doing the freebies, I'm going to say goodbye.
And to the rest of us paying for this show, we're going to keep going with the inauguration and enjoying ourselves.
And then we're going to take calls and do some sketches.
So what are you showing, Ryan?
You're showing all your shit, you dumbasshole.
It's up there.
Okay.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
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