With that playing design's a secret move hard and metadata.
A separate nervous system that my brain's like kinetic.
Walk around it seven times and time clockwise and step back.
Watch me as I knit the fly and crystallize Look at you the rack Plop, plop, plop, plop, plop Thank you.
Blacks and whites coming together to make beautiful music.
That was Kelly, what are they called again?
Kelly Kettler?
Yep.
Kellekettler, two guys from South Africa, two blicks from South Africa.
What gives them the rat?
What is that?
It's from that show below deck.
They always had South Africans on it.
And there was this one guy, I used to watch it with my wife, and there was this one guy who was always pissed off all the time.
And, you know, these crews on these fancy yachts are all about hierarchy.
And I'm the captain and you're North Starboard and you're fucking crystalline pissed juice.
And he was always saying to his inferiors, what gives you the rat?
Exactly like the word rat.
But yeah, that's two blick guys.
And their energy is being harbored by the British group Cold Cut.
Now, you're a little young for Cold Cut.
They were one of the first samplers back in the 80s.
But by the time they were in the 90s, it had been maybe 10 years they've been doing this, they were getting real good at it, eh?
And they were the first guys I ever saw use videos as samples.
There's a song called Timber, Cold Cut Timber.
And the samples they used were video samples.
You would see the chainsaw going, nin, nin, na, na na na na na na na ning nin na na na nin nin na na na.
Hec static, that was the other guy.
And that's the sound trees make.
That's the sound nature makes.
So they're using nature.
Do you like my outfit, by the way?
Two scoops, two genders, two terms, deal with it.
We had a very trumpy in a couple of days.
You got a little plucky.
Bit plucky.
Fuck, fucky plucky.
Fuck plucky.
So they wouldn't use a sample unless they had a video of it.
British people are good at music.
You know why?
Because the weather sucks.
Oh, so those of you too cheap to subscribe and are just watching the audio, everything you hear is we're seeing.
We're seeing the axe hit the timber.
How naive do you have to be to think that vlogging is bad?
Are you me when I was 17?
If you want more trees, buy more wood.
Before we get started here, we should do a shout out to our sponsors because these episodes, the first half hour is free on iTunes and nothing's free in this world.
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Smells weird in here.
Really?
Yeah.
Is that garbage been in the studio since before you left?
No, I think it's fresh.
I'm not sure, but so go to jacbd.com, put in the promo code Gavin, you get 20% off all Johnny Apple CBD products.
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These guys were here from day one, the very beginning, when no one was with us.
And we were with Laura Loomer last night when she won, and the chairman of the GOP was there saying, you're an agent of change, was her quote.
No, better, a change agent.
And these are the people I think who stand outside the dressing room when you try on different pants and hand you a larger size because you always think you're a 32, you're a 36, dude.
A change agent, yes.
But, and that was great.
And it was great that Trump retweeted her victory.
But where were you guys when she was a pariah?
Where were you when she was handcuffing herself?
Anyway, we'll get to all that.
But go to jacbd.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.
Thank you, JohnnyApple CBD, for supporting censored.tv.
And again, there's the tincture.
There's the topicals.
There's the cookies.
Maybe it's the shirt.
Stinky shirt?
No.
You know how I know it's not a fart from me?
Why?
Because you'd be dead.
That's why I don't fart in public.
As a Japanese person, I can't process anything.
It smells like I have the flu in there.
I knew a Jewish woman married to a nipperdoodle.
And on her first date, she went to his house and clogged a toilet with her enormous Jewish feces.
They're playing at the Mercury Lounge, by the way.
That's, you'd think the worst thing that could ever happen to a woman.
Actually, the best possible place to do that is a Japanese person's house.
Because for them, like Pooh, you've seen their, they invented that emoji.
For them, poo is just like an eyelash.
Like it's a thing that came off your body.
So the dad, before he plunged it, he said, Oh, you have a very good stool.
You're very healthy and have good metabolism.
Very, very good.
He was impressed with her shit.
He starts taking it apart.
He's like, look at it.
Fiber.
You like lots of corns and vegetables.
Nothing wrong with that.
We've got a lot to talk about, and I'm never...
I just brought these goddamn markers from home.
You've got to be kidding me.
That one sucks.
We need fresh markers.
Wait, do these things have a shelf life?
Oh, few.
That's a good one.
We're doing sketches later on, right?
We're raising money for Max and John in prison.
By the way, when you're sending them memes, understand that Max and John are still under scrutiny.
The powers that be, the incompetent police's boss, think that Matt and John are part of a looming Nazi group that's going to start World War III, the Boogaloo.
They're the Boogaloo boys.
That's why they'll never be released when, you know, pedophiles and all these other people are released.
They might get released with their appeal.
But what I meant was when they're releasing all these people for COVID and all that shit, Max and John will never be included in that.
Guaranteed.
So send them memes, send them stuff, but avoid Antifa and Proud Boy stuff because that sends off a red flag and they end up getting interviewed by the FBI.
And the people who send them the Antifa PB stuff, I didn't know this, by the way, until John Kinsman's wife just told me.
The people who send that, they get a call from the CIA and the FBI saying, what's going on?
Are you part of this evil Nazi gang?
Whoa.
How fucking stupid can you be?
I don't mean the people who send the memes.
I mean the people questioning this.
Also, on the subject of the PBs, when you're sending me cameos, don't type out the word proud boys.
The AI for a cameo flags it and it gets canceled.
Even though the way it appears to me is they just canceled it.
And I think, why would you cancel that?
You didn't really even ask me for anything.
And then I find out a computer did it.
You know what happened at Cameo?
My picture was me with a gun at a shooting range.
It's back up now.
An intern there shows up and they go, yeah, no, that's not going to work.
And they changed it.
I had a feeling that to a picture I don't like where I'm going like this at that Linda Sarsour rally where AP was taking pictures.
What they do is they take pictures of you for a gigabyte as you're like this.
And then you start getting bored and going, yes, hello.
Hello.
Hmm.
Like just doing dumb faces like that.
That was like the 350th photo.
And then they use that.
But isn't that audacious?
Like you show, that's part of like Gen Z and Millennials.
You show up at an internship and you go, yeah, I'm going to have to change this person's personal avatar.
What gives you that at?
What gives you the rat?
See if you can find that.
That could be a good video.
Below Deck.
Of course you don't remember that.
You should know of the show.
It's a smash hit.
Below the Deck Show.
You gotta start paying attention to pop culture, dude.
Or politics.
Anything.
Anything with shopping for yourself.
Did you put in what gives you the right?
Yes.
Did we get anything?
Below Deck Show.
What gives you the rat?
Below Deck, Season 7.
Yeah.
Behind the scenes.
Yeah, it's just the kind of thing that me and my wife liked.
I guess no one else enjoyed it.
I gotta remember to get Death of the West here.
That smells driving me nuts.
You know what it smells like?
It's a reality show?
Yes.
It smells like a dead rat.
Have you ever seen a mouse or a rat in the studio?
Never.
But the city is going to shit and there's rats everywhere.
Oh, I read about that.
Yeah, the rats.
For years.
New York was given the rat.
What gives us the rats?
Yeah, I've been seeing more rats lately, that's for sure.
On the tracks, rat tracks.
And I remember that was like a lower Manhattan thing or something.
I just had never seen them.
And from like two years of commuting.
And I keep hearing about these rats.
People taking pictures of them.
There's Instagram.
They're like rats of snakes.
You've never seen rats in New York City before?
When I was a kid, sure.
But then there was a large time when I was just working at Compound and doing stuff there.
Well, no, that's 32nd Street.
The East Village, Chinatown.
Right, right.
They love chicken.
That's their shit.
You got to read the book Rats that gave me the rat.
And it talks about this guy would just go to Lower Manhattan.
Well, he went all over New York City, but he would go to Lower Manhattan and stay up all night analyzing them.
And he noticed that vegetables are not interesting to them.
And a lot of meat isn't either, but chicken they love.
So they love Chinatown.
And the only thing you can do to curb them is deny the food supply.
Nothing else works.
Traps are idiotic.
All right.
So we've got the poster, the giveaway.
We've got so much stuff going on that I think we're going to have to make all our things separate shows.
So let me tell you my plan and let me share it with the folks.
Okay?
You ready for this, Ryan?
Yes.
Yes, ready?
And if you are ever confused about what we're doing, go back to this episode and please find the dead mouse in this fucking studio.
Maybe we should get a cat.
Dead mouse.
I hate cats, but I hate rats more.
Aren't you allergic?
It's not a matter of liking or not liking?
Yeah, that's a bad idea.
What about a jack terrier?
That we don't see.
Aren't they in the gangs of New York days?
Didn't they would have rat fights with jack terriers?
It's in the movie, I think.
Okay, ready?
Here's my plan.
So Monday, this imminent Monday, we have the boat episode and we go through your Trump thing.
You were in Tampa, was it?
The flotilla, yeah.
We started in St. Petersburg or Clearwater area and then went up.
Guinness Book of World Records, Trump was tweeting about it.
How many boats were There, you know, I heard 2,000, then I also heard the latest estimate was 3,000.
And how much Coke did you do on the boat?
None.
Isn't it windy?
Doesn't it blow away?
No Coke.
So maybe they had Coke and then it blew away, but...
No shots.
So did you have this hat on while you were on the boat?
I didn't.
You didn't?
You just read my hat right now for the first time.
I'm familiar with the shirt, but I didn't know you had a hat version.
So we're 17, sorry, 12 minutes into the show, and you're just now reading my hat.
Yes, I have other things.
You might be the least perceptive person in the world.
Sure.
When I see shirts that say things and has to say, I rarely read them.
I'm just like, that's just a waste of time.
What if it's the host and your boss?
Well, that's different, but I figured you wouldn't say that.
What if it's the host of a show you're on?
Well, unless it says, Ryan, in 32 minutes, you have to go to the sound drop.
I'm doing such a good job.
Yeah.
Wrong.
All right, so Monday, we should dedicate an episode to that boat shit.
The boot.
Right?
Das Boot.
I just watched a great documentary about the movie Das Boot.
It's a Canadian documentary.
It's called All a Boot Das Boot.
That's a joke, Ryan.
Don't Google it.
It's a joke I stole from David Cross, actually.
Tuesday, the 25th, we're going to go over the Laura thing.
Now, I know that sounds kind of late, but we're going to put up the live stream, which it might be up now, of all the speeches and everything.
My speech was incredible.
I really hit it out of the park.
And you know what I learned, by the way?
Here's what you should do.
My Tommy Robinson speech in England was terrible because I didn't have any notes and I was drunk.
So I just, I had a very ambitious idea of how I'm going to do all the different accents throughout my life and all my different British history.
And I fucked it up.
But what you should do is type out a speech, right?
Work on it two days before, then rewrite it the day before, then have it and have it on the podium as a crutch, as an emergency.
And you don't need notes.
You'll mentally remember.
You can look down and no one minds if you go like this.
There's nothing I hate more than paying money or trekking out to a speech and having someone going, hello, thank you for coming.
We are living in an epoch where revolution is mandatory.
And you're just like, hey, dude, you could have emailed me that.
Let's hear some of the G. But don't call it ISIS.
Call it like Middle Eastern.
And she was like, you see?
And she hasn't stopped.
I mean, if you look at her resume of these media events where she's exposed the hypocrisy of the left from jumping on stage in New York and berating people for murdering Trump in a bizarre ritual that could have been an Aztec stage as they murdered him and blood is everywhere.
Bringing illegal immigrants to Nancy Pelosi's lawn.
Anyway, we'll showcase that later.
But that was my speech.
My point there was that she's not some random person doing this as a lurk, like John McCaffey.
She's someone who has been an activist since she was in college and has not taken a break.
And by the way, we'll mention this more on Tuesday's Laura episode.
She's not infallible.
It's sort of like Dinesh D'Souza said about Trump.
He said, wow, you're so tough.
You sit here and you take a beating and it just water off your back.
And allegedly, Trump said to Dinesh D'Souza, no, actually, I'm kind of, I'm shocked.
I mean, when I got that El Baghazi Baghdad guy, I thought, well, I'm going to get some accolades now.
And they go, oh, Osama, Obama was way cooler when he killed Osama.
You go, I can't win with these people.
That was a crazy thing.
And it was bothering him.
It was bothering Trump.
And Laura was bothered by all this stuff.
Like, it affects her.
She would cry.
She moved.
She had to move to Florida to be across from a police station because she was getting so many death threats.
And as a woman, it was harrowing.
But what's amazing about her is when anyone else would have quit, she goes, now you piss me off.
And just kept coming back stronger every time.
Very impressive woman.
Anyway, so that'll be our Laura show on Tuesday.
Wednesday, we're not going to be live.
I won't be here, I'm afraid.
Wednesday, I thought it would be fun.
I think I'm the only person in the world who has every single vice from the first issue till I left around 2008.
And I thought it'd be fun with the camera overhead here to go over all the old issues.
A little sort of...
So that'll be fun to go through some vice archives that no one has access to but me.
Thursday, I thought it would be fun.
We're now more than a week ahead for you and I to watch Animal House.
I was thinking of Tyler Perry, and we may still do that.
Ooh, that's a tough one.
But it's just like looking at the, you know, the grid when you go to censored TV and you see all the stuff, just Animal House is so aesthetically pleasing.
And Tyler Perry is such a bummer.
What if we do a Tyler Perry movie, but we put the thumbnails Animal House?
Just be like, fuck it.
Yeah, and just change one of the faces to Tyler Perry's.
What's Tyler Perry's latest?
Let's see.
Just go Tyler Perry News.
We will definitely do a Tyler Perry, I promise you.
But the acting in those films would blow your fucking mind.
I don't think you're privy to it.
One time, I was doing a tour, a press tour for my show, my book, Street Boners?
Or no, no, no, no, that wasn't it.
Derek Beccles and I were doing a live comedy show where I would show do's and don'ts and he would show his TV Carnage.
And we were opening for the band The Unicorns.
We ended the tour early because the band manager, the tour manager, said I couldn't have any of their beer because I'm only the opening band.
And I lost my shit and went home.
There's a show, Bruh, he's got.
Let's look it up.
I want the most recent.
Seems to be the most recent, bruh.
And as far as movies go.
No, Tyler Perry Bruh.
That's I think what I was looking for.
It's a series.
So anyway, here's the story.
Nick Diamond from the Unicorns, that's who we were opening up for.
He said, here's the thing.
Don't book a hotel in advance.
Wait till 10 and then go on this app.
I think it was booking.com and it'll show you hotels around the area and you'll get a five-star hotel for 50 bucks, 60 bucks.
Okay, so I do that and I go, holy shit, this is five stars.
Beautiful hotel and it's like 90 bucks.
So we do it.
We go there.
Luxurious hotel, but something's weird about it.
There's animal skins everywhere.
And we get to the hotel room.
It's very dark, like black velvet wallpaper and throw pillows that have leopard skin and tiger skin on them.
Two big, beautiful beds, TV.
Everything's awesome.
But it looks very, I don't know, 70s.
And then I realized, oh shit, we're in a nice middle-class black hotel.
And even when we turned on the TV, everything was black.
Like the movies they were promoting were black.
Everything downstairs was black.
In the mornings, we have Chitlins and Grits.
If you'd like to come down and get some iced tea and some purple drink, some scissor.
I've never been in a situation like that.
It was weird.
It was like a very upscale black hotel.
But anyway, in that hotel, I just chose the first movie.
It was Tyler Perry.
The acting was like inexplicably bad.
Like so fucking melodramatic.
There was a scene in a hot tub.
You'll probably not find this.
Tyler Perry movie Hot Tub.
Her enemy's paralyzed and he's in the hot tub and he's drowning.
And we've seen movies like this where the lover is getting revenge and the person that she hates is slowly dying.
They might be smoking a cigarette saying, you got what's coming.
She's like, fucking.
A Diary of a Mad Black Woman?
Yeah, that sounds right.
That's got a hot tub scene.
Yeah.
And I'm watching it going, do black people watch this?
It can't just be black people.
14% of the population couldn't have made this person a billionaire.
Obviously, white people are watching it, but it sucks.
No, no.
This wasn't it.
No, this is a comedy.
Maybe there's serious parts in it.
Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman.
And then I think maybe Medea is in it.
So it's a serious movie, but then there's comedy parts?
Mad Black Woman.
I think there's like 10 Diary of a Mad Black Woman.
Anyway, we're wasting everyone's time.
So let's see bra if you can't find the hot tub scene.
Wait, is that it?
That looks like it's it.
Helen gets even.
Yeah, this is it.
Nice.
Good work.
It's the ugly black guy from that Law show.
Wait, what's this?
Oh, oh.
Helen, stop, stop.
They're recreating it.
Oh, I see.
Apparently black people recognize that it's terrible, too.
Is this acting on par with the...
Bathe him.
Feed him.
Clothe him, they say.
You know what?
What about me?
It's exact.
This is not a parody.
What about me?
This might trigger the algorithms.
The YouTube algorithm might just be like...
Stop making those bubbles.
This is better.
This is better.
Okay, now we have to find it.
Look up Diary of a Mad Black Woman.
Helen Gets Even.
Bathe me.
I don't know.
Bathtub.
It's not a bathtub.
It's a...
That's it.
That's still the recreation.
You sure?
Yeah, that second one?
Yeah, we just got to.
Oh, the top one.
Oh, Diary of a Mad Black Woman.
This is the full movie.
So we'd have to do a little scanning here.
That happened in the end because she got revenge.
Whoa, I see a bath.
Okay, hold on to your hats, folks.
I see paralysis.
I don't want to be racist, but I have noticed a pattern where people of color tend to act a little more big than other ethnic groups.
This might be the demographics they're appealing to.
It might just be inherently the way they like to act.
I don't know.
This could be my own prejudice.
But I have noticed that they tend to overact.
I'm afraid.
Look at this guy.
Look who dressed this guy.
What is that?
Oh, I love that guy.
Doesn't he look like an avatar?
Yeah.
Like avatar where you look at it on your phone.
You're like, why are you making yourself like a hot kid?
But that's his face.
He looks like one of those, there's little toys called homies that you can get.
I remember homies.
Yeah, you got him at the, You had it.
Yeah, that's it.
Where's the bath?
So he's paralyzed, I think.
I think it's after this.
I watched this in a black hotel.
Turn it up.
Bathe him.
Stop making those bubbles.
I think he cheated on her.
This, by the way, is stolen from Roman Polanski's Bitter Moon, where he cheats on her and she has to take care of him when he's in a chair.
And she gets revenge.
Maybe you should go into the kitchen and get yourself something to eat then, huh?
By the way, when people are starving to death, they don't cry looking at a salad.
They cry looking at a cheeseburger.
When POWs in World War II were in the Japanese internment camps, in the POW camps, sorry, whoops, they weren't sitting there going, When I get back, when I get back home, I'm going to have a salad with four pieces of spinach and a tomato or two.
It was a shitty salad, too.
I can't keep anything down.
Two miscarriages.
You took life from me, and you never even said I'm sorry.
Bye.
Am I sorry about a miscarriage?
Is there a clotheshanger involved?
Sorry, my spurt.
I'm gonna let you sit here for a few days and think about what I've said.
I could just see after they said cut to everyone going, which is proof Tyler Perry's gay.
You know he's gay, right?
Yeah.
Oh, me?
I never thought he was straight.
It'd be funny if he had a big coming out party and everything.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Three people attended.
I didn't know that anyone thought you were straight.
Can we throw this fucker in a hot tub, please?
I'm not seeing the hot tub at all?
No, sorry.
No, it's got to be after this.
It's the movie over?
Because he's apologizing now, so I doubt it.
No, he wouldn't.
Oh my god, Medea is in this serious drama.
He puts himself as a drag queen.
How do you forget Medea?
That's my girl.
This is crazy.
We can't do all this work.
Maybe they cut it out because it's so...
Yeah, yeah.
It's got to be after this.
Yeah.
Wait, I thought this is where we were, Ryan.
Yeah, it's not here.
How'd you lose your spot?
You know what?
Oh, that goes right to the hot dance floor?
This is from Lifetime.
This was ripped from TV on Lifetime.
They might have taken it out.
Oh, yeah.
There is a chance.
Yeah, there is a chance.
Okay, so now we have to find two things.
The dead mouse in this studio.
Okay.
Because it reeks.
And I know the smell of dead mice.
Hmm.
That's gross.
Wait, did you just pass it?
What's that?
See?
This one?
He hurt me, see?
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We're looking for a dub.
We're looking for a dub.
Oh, diver men.
No, that's a parody again.
Oh, damn.
God.
Most parodied scene ever.
Question mark.
So the good news is black people have noticed what I noticed.
It seems like they have.
That it's a fucking insane scene.
Remember that one video I showed you where the woman ran over her husband for cheating?
And then she was like, for 10 years.
And she throws a bumper on him.
For 10 years.
I tell you, you cheat on me.
They even overact when it's real drama.
Well, that's because they saw these movies.
Oh, yeah.
How do I act after that?
It's like Jared Taylor.
He speaks in a specific accent.
It's not random.
It's a transatlantic accent because he grew up in Japan where people spoke in an anglicized version of the American English.
This sort of trashy language that we speak now is an evolution that comes from Irish immigrants and other people.
But initially, in the 40s and 50s, we were still enamored with Britain and would speak like them whenever we could.
Sounds a little plucky.
We'd also correct people who didn't say, quite.
Quite.
Quite.
Oh, quite.
What do you got now?
Trying to do some illegal movie getting.
I mean, we might as well rent it at this point.
We have to show the fans what we're looking for.
This is all looking good here.
Good quality.
when I see her mad and he's in a chair, so this is, Yeah, they did cut it out.
They cut it out.
Victory.
So Lifetime pussied out.
Now, here's the question.
Did Lifetime cut it out because it's attempted murder or whatever it is?
Or because it's so bad that Tyler went, yeah.
Stop, stop, stop.
Or did Tyler go, yeah, I'm getting ridiculed for that bathtub scene, so I will let you license the film Lifetime, but it's my new director's cut, I call it.
And it may be missing some scenes that we deemed a little too controversial, meaning we got made fun of too much.
He's a good actor, that guy.
He was on that law show with the fat, ugly chick.
And the chick from Real Housewives'husband, Mark Hamill.
Okay.
By the way, 130-pound women don't think that you can push a man, a 280-pound man, off of a chair into a bathtub.
You can't.
His wheels will hit the edge of the tub and it will be in the bath.
Stop!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Head over tea kettle.
We have to see that again.
Okay.
We could put that as a drop.
Stop!
Hey, stop!
Ah!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
That's as good as my cycle of a magazine.
Like, Tyler, you're the director.
How do you explain the jump?
What was the jump there?
It's finding Nemo.
I know what your dad is, Doris.
Feed him.
Clothe him, they say.
Oh, whoa.
What about Nemo?
See what I mean about that parody?
Yeah, it's exactly the same.
Huh?
It's better.
It is better.
Parody is better.
is better.
Stop making those bubbles.
What?
Stop making those bubbles.
What the hell?
You kicked me out of our.
Continuity problem there.
He had shampoo, foam, whatever, in his face.
And wait a minute.
How did it get?
Oh, it was bubbly before.
Go back.
Was the bath always bubbly?
Yeah, but every time they showed his head, it was far away from the bubbles.
No, at the beginning, the bubbles were right up to his face.
They just showed it now, and the bubbles are far away from his face.
the opposite is true.
But yes, it was a bubble bath.
Okay.
But now there's more bubbles.
Now there's no bubbles by his face.
Right.
Right?
You probably were like, he's just like, I want to get some.
Sounds like there's a lot of affirmative action going on in this set.
Feed him.
Ooh.
Clothe him, they say.
No bubbles by his face.
Huh?
Huh?
What about infinite bubbles by his face?
Drenched in bubbles.
He changed his mind halfway through there.
He was like, you know, let's put some bubbles in your face.
Because she says, stop making those bubbles.
She's like, I need some bubbles.
No one's going to notice.
Stop making those bubbles.
Don't blow no bubbles.
Bad brains.
Talking about Michael Jackson.
Oh, now no bubbles.
You kick me out of our house.
You try to keep me from our money?
No.
Sounds like she was making the right choice.
Go ahead, girl.
You seem to be pretty undeserving of charity.
The movie gave up on us.
It says, I can't do this.
Movie can't handle itself anymore?
It failed itself.
You know what that was?
It would be funny if movies just start self-destructing, shooting themselves in the head.
Did you see the DNC final performance?
Because I feel like there was some affirmative action higher.
That's why I put it on parlor when it came out.
That's why I've mentioned it 900 times.
That's why it's the biggest news story in the world.
You remind me of this guy who just sent me right now today.
He sent me footage of that guy getting the truck guy in Portland getting knocked unconscious.
He just sent it to me.
Thanks for the scoop.
I follow this Jamaican guy who does Photoshop and After Effects.
And this looks exactly like something he'd make the background.
And the way that everything, like that right there.
So I think they hired a black guy.
Yeah, because I know they hired a black guy to sing the song.
Well, that's correct.
But the guy to do the After Effects is definitely a guy of color.
It's kind of a style that they have.
Again, overacting.
Like, look at the guitarist.
He's just doing.
I'm just going to go through the song.
Look at this.
Not.
Stop, children, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going round.
Who is that guy?
Billy Porter.
He's a drag queen.
Who's like, trans people invented rock and roll.
He was in the other DNC movie, too, and he does red carpet stuff, but has he been around like since before?
I don't know.
I think it's 20 years and we've gone so far left that all the freaks are mainstream.
Whoa.
Okay, I think it's time to say goodbye.
We still have to talk about this Nadav movie, The Plot Against the President, and Millie Weaver's movie, Shadowgate, where she appears to have stabbed Roger Stone in the back.
Roger's our boy, so we're pissed.
But I have to admit, I haven't seen either movie.
I've just been doing some research, and you know, we've always said Jason Kessler was a fed, but I'm starting to get worried about more feds.
I'm starting to get worried.
Want to hear this one?
I'm starting to think Raheem Kassan and Steve Bannon are funded by a Chinese billionaire who's working with the government and they're controlled opposition.
Wow.
That's the vibe I'm getting.
Because I heard, it's all rumors, that their whole war room is totally funded by this Chinese billionaire who's closely affiliated with the government.
China's our enemy.
China's asshole.
China is an asshole.
And I was talking to a cop at the Laura thing who was talking about the amount of fentanyl they send here, the number of deaths.
And he goes, it's chemical warfare.
You're killing 150 Americans a day.
What if you were sending a gas across the ocean that was killing 150 Americans a day?
It'd be an act of war, right?
This is chemical warfare.
And by the way, no one's talking about this at all.
But Trump, in his latest negotiation with China, had a box that they had to check off that said, we will make all fentanyl in all forms illegal.
And they checked it off.
And the opioid overdoses have been going like this ever since.
Where's that cover story?
No, they'd rather look at a shadow in his pants when he's golfing and pretend it's a shit stain.
Anyway, post-roll means after we say goodbye, right?
I believe it's correct, yes.
Okay, so thank you for tuning in.
Hope you enjoyed this free weekly special we have.
We're about to get much deeper and a lot more gossip.
We're about to talk about the movie Blades too and give away Heshy Socks to our first two callers.
We're taking calls in approximately 22 minutes.
We'll be taking calls for an hour and I'll be doodling while we take calls and then we'll be sending those to the Gavin Doodles auction where you can donate to Justice for Liberty, beautiful little black child who's had her father taken away because he fought Antifa, which is verboten.
And the best way to do that, we're learning, is to go to the doodle auction, either buy a doodle or just donate there.
So we have to literally go to New Zealand and back to give a black child money because of the bullshit Nazi narrative going on in this fucking country.
It's insane.
But you got to keep fighting.
That's what Laura Loomer did, and she won.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
and never stop fighting.
My heart's a sacred reading.
It's moved hard and metallic.
With a separate nervous system that vibrates psychedelic.
Walk around it seven times anti-clockwise and step back.
Watch me as I nip defy and crystallize.
Mikey!
I've been walking around the bed, my existing silent tent.
And the image in this mirror is my only activity.
And this grandmaster stay watching me.
Cool cut, set them off.
Forcing me to ascend to higher heights.
Head to the page and meeting single side for the next one.
Back with more drinks, Buck.
Blades Movie, realawakening.com, R-E-E-L.
Guys, don't forget to check out Blades the movie from realawakening.com.
These guys support censor.tv, so we are supporting then, realawakening.com.
Check out the movie Blades.
Live by the Blades, Die by the Blades.
RealAwakening.com.
Check out the movie Blades.
What are our subs up to?
I think we're up to 21,000 subs.
Boy, that stunt man is good at making his body limp.
That was way beyond Tyler Perry levels.
Yeah.
So you can't show that clip?
What's keep?
The hot tub.
The movie eats itself?
Yeah, but I could give it a little bit of a title.
Even pirated versions.
Yeah, they say no, thank you.
I believe is what it says.
Stop making those bubbles.
You know how I hate that.
And the whole concept is stolen.
Roman plants.
By the way, you gotta see the original that Tyler's ripping off.
So good.
It's probably 1980s.
Probably 1980s.
They have this tumultuous sexual relationship.
It's very hot.
Bitter moon.
They're on par.
There's this great scene too where their sex gets so elaborate.
They're dressed with pig masks on.
And he's like, I want to fuck you so bad.
And she goes, oh.
And she rips off her pigs mask.
And she goes, you ruined it.
Pigs don't duck.
And then he dumps her.
And she goes through what all women go through when they're dumped, right?
They feel like shit and they're embarrassed and they have low self-esteem.
And so she gets a perm and he's at a party with like his new girlfriend and she shows up and he goes, she looks like a poodle.
And then everyone starts laughing at her and she's like, devastated, right?
And then he gets into an accident and he's paralyzed.
And the only one who wants her is her.
And their relationship just becomes sadistic revenge for dumping her.
It's one of the best movies ever made.
Roman Plansky may be a rapist pedophile, but boy can he make a movie.
The tenant is also one of the best films I've ever seen.
He kind of, the tenant invents the whole thing where you don't know if it's the house and the environment being crazy or if this guy's paranoid and make and he's crazy.
Just like this new Kevin Bacon film where he moves into a house in Wales and the house is haunted.
You don't know if it's in his head.
Stanley Kubrick, fucking Jack Nicholson, what's it called?
All word for the shining.
I think he got that from Roma Polanski.
All right, go back, go back, go back.
We got to see the beginning of the trailer.
What's her name again?
What have you been doing with yourself?
Working at a blue moon, I'm sorry.
No, Bitter Moon.
That's been real.
Yes.
Go back to the beginning of the trailer.
I was luckier than I deserved.
Just a concussion and a fractured femur that had kept me lying there like a mummy for weeks.
None of my conquests bothered to check if I was still breathing.
Oh my god, you know who that is?
That's the narrator for the Ken Burns documentaries.
Oh yeah.
Hi.
Well, I'll be damned.
Not you on the mic.
That's the trailer?
Well, you're looking great anyway.
Oh, I'm feeling great.
Here.
How about you leave?
Thanks.
May as well sit down while you're here.
Emmanuel Seigneur.
She's still hot.
Where have you been all this time?
She's 54.
You should know.
Martinique?
You stayed on?
What have you been doing with yourself?
Working at a hotel.
Waiting tables.
Yes.
Till the manager found out I could dance, so then he put me in a floor show.
Kind of him.
Oh, yes, he was very kind.
He almost restored my faith in human nature.
Only almost?
He did.
Until I remembered you.
How many of us are scared of XP?
What are you doing back here?
Just visiting.
I heard about your misfortune, thought I'd see if you needed anything.
You're not going to say I raped you.
You know what I really need, baby?
I need you to stay out of my life.
You haven't lost your charm, Oscar.
I should have known.
Well, goodbye.
This is a trailer?
No, this is the scene.
What?
Where she gets rapped.
Ryan, I asked you for the trailer.
You're ruining the movie.
Didn't you know that wasn't a trailer by how long?
No, I just discovered it now.
I thought when I asked you for the trailer, you had the trailer.
Not the center of the movie and the crucial point that changes everything.
That thing does sound bad.
Phantasmic.
Turn it up.
Oh, Hugh Grant's in it.
Wait.
Is this the same movie?
Blue Moon?
No.
Bitter Moon trailer, but this could be a remake.
Is that a remake?
Yeah, it's a remake.
They remade this movie with Hugh Grant?
It's so funny.
No, no, no, no, no.
A second time?
Remaking movies is so wait.
It's my anniversary treat.
Wait, this is it.
A voyage of romance.
Look, I hate to break up a two simple character.
You stop ruining the show with your fucked up shitty theories when you don't understand anything.
I didn't know Hugh Grant was in the 70s.
I didn't know Hugh Grant was in the 70s.
Okay, stop.
Go back to the beginning and don't let your ignorance of the world fuck up the show.
It's one thing to not know anything which you're an expert on.
It's another thing to say, oh, this must be a remake because Hugh Grant is in it and I only know him from a butter boy because I'm a butter retard.
One actor per movie.
A second hundred.
Why on earth go to India?
It's my anniversary treat.
A voyage of romance.
I hate to break up with Tucson, but would you mind if I joined you?
After an intro like that, how can we refuse?
Fine, it's settled then.
Amuse me.
You're French, aren't you?
This implies that cruises have anyone interesting on it.
Is it down to it?
Not if you know what you're doing.
Have you ever felt real overpowering passion?
I still have no idea why you're telling me.
Trying to expand your sexual.
What the fuck are you doing?
Sharing the details of your birthday sex life with a total stranger.
That's unbelievable.
I'm just a fan of me.
What are you a pimp?
Watch it, Nigel.
Anything you can do, I can be better.
You know, the other story with the prelises is so good.
I forgot Egrant was in this film.
This is the way you have to get yourself.
It's so inciliary.
They say love is sweet, but nothing lasts forever.
I think I'm probably as broad-minded as the next man, but I mean, honestly, there are limits.
Bitter Moon.
The new film by Roman Polanski.
What a shit trailer.
Holy crap.
That does not scratch the surface.
Let's watch a good trailer.
Let's watch this culture film by our boy Nadav, The Plot Against the President.
This is a good.
And you know when I was talking to Trump calls her the killer.
And now she's Laura Loomer's killer.
Karen something?
Yes.
She's short, sweet, and to the point.
And we were both saying what a lot of our people say, which is, I don't like being, I don't like saying I'm a Republican.
I don't like saying I'm a conservative.
I'm just not part of your cult.
Even libertarians, I don't like that they're open borders.
So I guess technically we're conservatives.
The media calls us far right.
Like we give a fuck about gays or marijuana or black people or fucking trans anything.
We just don't take the biscuit.
You say you have 72 genders.
I don't want to outlaw you.
I don't think you're illegal, but I don't give a fuck and I don't believe you.
So whatever, we got to come up with a new word for us.
Alt-right worked in 2010, 10 years ago, before Richard Spencer turned it into identity politics and anti-Semitism.
But we need a new alt-right.
How about the not-left?
The not left.
You say I'm a Nazi, I'm a not-left.
Pretty cool.
Movie.
Not the Russian.
It's funny if we called ourselves the not lefts, but it was written like Nazi.
Oh, okay.
And the symbol was like a swastika.
There's a bunch of L's with a thing across it.
It has four L's.
But you can make the whole movie.
Actually, that looks Russian, doesn't it?
Four L's.
Yeah.
Right?
L uh L L L. That makes a cross.
And then it's crossed out.
Not left.
Anyway, sorry.
Tangent.
That's these guys.
But you can make a whole movie on the Russiate hoax.
It's all documented.
Pause.
I love things about people that nobody knows because it gives them context.
And they're so quick to humanize lefties and tell us that Chris Hayes' dad was a preacher.
And this person's, you know, Michelle Obama's dad worked on the subways and he's paraplegic and all that stuff.
That's great.
More context, the better.
The more info, the better.
As Mao said, let a thousand flowers bloom.
But they never get to humanize us.
Laura Loomer had a very rough childhood and she was sent to boarding school by, I can't remember if it was her parents or the courts.
When she was 10, she wasn't rich.
So she was 10 or 11 years old and she was at boarding school, doing her own laundry, coming up with her own schedule when she was a little kid.
So she may only be, what, 24, 5, 27?
She's 47 mentally because she's been through so much.
Tucker Carlson, his mother abandoned him when she was four.
She went to go find herself.
His dad remarried.
He was abandoned.
Mike Cernovich, rough childhood, total fucking pizza face in high school.
You couldn't look at him.
He had pepperonis on his face, pustulent zits everywhere.
And then when he was older, he had this eczema that was so crippling, he looked into killing himself because he was in relentless pain 24 hours a day.
There was that newscaster chick, an anchor woman, who got LASIC and it was so fucking painful, it went awry.
And it was so fucking painful that even with, you know, Oxy, whatever opioids, she couldn't take the pain.
And after a few months of just someone squeezing her eyeball in a vice, she killed herself.
And yeah, that's her.
And Cernovich was in the same boat.
He was in so much constant scratching pain.
Like imagine you have body like scabies and they just, it's incurable and you're constantly itching for months and months and months and months.
And then some hippie chick, I can't remember what the regimen was, but it was something that I would normally roll my eyes at, like essential oil, homeopathy, meditation or some shit, totally cured him 100%.
Never had a problem with it since.
He's so beholden to her that if he won a billion dollars, he'd give her 900 million.
Anyway, little side note to humanize.
Oh, here's one last one.
Michelle Malkin is an activist and a journalist.
And yes, she's a little firebrand.
She's a Spitzer.
Spitzer?
Fireball.
But Spitfire, I meant to say.
She's also an incredible entrepreneur.
She started Hot Air.
Built it up, sold it off.
She started tons of websites like that.
What was the other one she started?
Show Monkin.
It's much bigger than Hot Air.
Like news sites.
What the fuck did she start up?
I'm sorry, that's embarrassing.
Neo-Nazis, Fox News contributor.
Twitchy, that's it.
Twitchy.
Where they would go through tweets and do a news blog just totally dedicated to Twitter.
Which is a great aggregator of news.
Especially back when she did it.
So, like, even now, Twitter sucks.
But when you look at what's trending, it's an interesting look at what people are talking about.
By the way, Laura Loomer was trending yesterday, despite being banned.
all right anyway sorry that was a hell of a tangent But you can make a whole movie on the Russiagate hoax.
It's all documented.
It's all documented.
There was an illusion being created using the most awesome tools and the greatest tricks that the American intelligence community had learned to use against our enemies.
Now it was being deployed against the American people and our president.
This is the biggest political scandal in modern history, which makes Watergate look like a TI.
The FBI director has no credibility.
It's a laugh.
That was so true.
Watergate was Nixon being accused of recording the opposition, and he did, but he recorded everything.
And that was our boy, by the way, Doug Tillman Pressman, the guy who did two years in prison for proving that lie detectors don't work.
He worked for Nixon back then.
And he, by the way, says Nixon is a complete fucking asshole.
But he said they were maniacal about recording, and Nixon overdid it and recorded not just his allies and everyone he talks to, but his enemies.
And that was technically illegal.
This is exactly what Obama did to Trump.
Obama committed Watergate.
Nixon will go down as the criminal.
I am not a crook.
And Obama, I would estimate what percentage of the population, now obviously we have babies and old ladies and Mexicans who just got here, but what percentage of the politically aware America knows that Obama spied on the Trump campaign?
I would say 25 to 30% of non-left, what are we called again?
Non-liberals?
Not left.
Not left?
25% of not lefts and 3 to 5% of lefts.
That's my theory.
No credibility.
The left used to not trust the FBI, and now they love them.
This can happen to General Michael T. Flynn.
Imagine what they do to anybody who has a single strike against them.
35 Russian diplomats in the U.S. expelled.
The prosecution of General Flynn wasn't a pursuit of criminal activity.
It was a setup.
Flynn actually had details to be prosecuted.
Besides Trump, of course.
Talking about going after people's budgets.
They were terrified.
Media didn't start as neutral.
Media hasn't been neutral all its life.
The two faces of Hillary Clinton are coming out.
The fact through WikiLeaks that she says one thing.
No.
That's worse than Tyler Perry.
That's Tyler Perry.
You know the thing.
Yeah, he should be in the Tyler Perry movie.
To try to delegitimize you.
Bathe me.
Interview me.
Well, what about me?
Don't you hate when the Skype cuts out and then those bars come up?
Yeah, I hate when that happens.
That's probably seen the documentary Penis Lips.
No, I think they.
No, they worked hand in glove with Comey to try to delegitimize Trump.
They were not there to tell the truth.
A political, dirty trick is being carried out by our intelligence community.
Honestly, none of us really know holistically what to think about this dossier.
They went into Congress.
They said, nothing here.
Doesn't matter.
We'll keep going with FISA.
We'll keep going with the investigation.
And more importantly, we will go on TV day in and day out and lie to the American people to their face.
And nothing's going to happen to us.
The nation and the ball of freedom is defeated by a friend.
And the military apparatus of this country is about to be handed over to scum.
We're beholden to scum.
Russian scum.
We had not one person claim that they had.
Can I just say something?
We need a Keith.
I want to be a Keith Oberman of the right.
Imagine something.
Like that, when he was sitting there saying scum, I was thinking, why don't we have that?
Like all this, like, when they go low, we go lower.
They get to use all this violent rhetoric, and we have to mind our P's and Q's, cross our T's and dot our I's.
No.
We're told we can't even go like this.
Fuck you.
You want to call me racist for standing up for all Americans of all colors?
You think that me respecting the Constitution is racist?
War.
Damn it.
That's the hardest one to get.
War.
I got to practice that one.
I forgot to smirk.
That TriCaster is very distracting.
Sure is.
What is going on with it?
Is it dying?
It doesn't matter if it dies.
They're only $27,000.
It's actually a lot of money.
It is?
Yeah, that's too much.
Is it not the most expensive?
It's funny, our studio, it's like the soundboard is probably, I don't know, two grand.
Those monitors are nothing.
Like the one on the far right's $100.
It's a far-right monitor.
It's a far right.
The non-left monitor over there is $100.
That TriCaster is used.
I got it used at $27,000.
And all it does is make me a little box in the corner.
That's all it can fucking do.
Isn't it time that people with software, like what's that thing that Jacob Wall uses?
OBS?
OPS?
OBS, yeah.
OBS?
Anyway, we have some archaic pieces of software from the hardware from the fucking 70s.
Why don't we just have a.
What's that old editing machine called that people used to learn on when you clip the film?
I forget.
Could you use a task cam?
Evidence of Trump colluding with the Russians.
Devon Nunes was the hero in the forest.
He was alone.
He was mocked.
He was attacked.
Devon Nunes was subject to such scorn for saying the conclusions that we brought forth in that report.
It's called an avid Russian gate was a false story to target their political opposition to carry out their insurance policy.
I believe that this is a conspiracy.
These guys have perpetrated the greatest crime against the American people ever seen.
It was a coup d'état.
It's toxic and twisted these people.
I recently confirmed that on numerous occasions, the intelligence community collected information about U.S. citizens involved in the Trump transition.
It was shocking to see that guy, James Clapper?
He's a fucking Muslim.
He converted to Islam when he was in the Middle East.
And they based the show Homeland on him.
Huh.
They collected information about U.S. citizens involved in the Trump transition.
It was shocking to see some of the overclassification that was happening.
Did he do the same thing Roger Stone did, too?
but didn't get prosecuted for it?
The community incidentally collected information about U.S. citizens involved in the transition.
Yeah, they were accused of converting to Islam.
And he also defended the Muslim Brotherhood and said they were largely secular.
I hate when I see white Muslims.
When you see a woman, a civilized Western woman, like that Australian newscaster's wife, like your sister, and she's got a hijab on.
And you're like, we're sitting here celebrating, what, 100 years of women having the vote, and you're launching yourself in a catapult back in time.
with Western culture, you're launching yourself back to, I don't know, pre-Christ?
2,500 years ago?
...collected information about U.S. citizens involved in the Trump transition.
It was shocking to see some of the pad pack done to hide either corruption or abuse of authority and to make sure certain agencies didn't look bad.
We have a peaceful transition of power process.
That's not what happened.
There were more meetings.
There were more leaks.
There were more.
Richard Grinnell is one of us.
But he did sin, I believe.
Go look in the studio office in your section there and see if there's any of your stupid little fucking Yeti packs.
Richard Grinnell, I remember being mad at him.
I met him at Fox News.
Awesome dude, gay guy.
Then he became like the weird, the fucking head of the German consulate or something.
Whatever you call that, the envoy to Germany.
But then he did something bad.
And I thought, et too, Grinnell.
But now he's good again.
That's the whole weird thing about this not left movement.
Pack of Kvete coffee, huh?
Did that instantly help it?
Let's just leave it there.
It's all these people where you go, wait, are you a fed?
Are you a backstabber?
Are you a liar?
Can I trust you?
Sometimes you won't trust someone, and then they stab you in the back.
Richard Spencer was a cool guy in 2008.
He got me my job at Tacky.
Then he becomes a bad guy.
Oh.
Thank you.
you you Thank you.
Tessler is a Fed.
I'm convinced he's a Fed.
But when he met me, when I met him, he was like, Do you want to deal with that?
Yeah, we got neighbors.
Hold on one second.
Is the speaker too loud?
No.
Can you still hear me?
Yeah.
Okay, I'll keep talking.
We could hit a break or something.
No, just get it.
The fucking people upstairs.
Are we back up?
Yeah.
We're back live.
We're back.
So what was the last thing people heard?
I don't know.
You were talking about how the guy...
Yeah.
So I think we've been doxxed.
We have to move the studio.
I've actually been looking at different space.
It's actually a great time to be looking for new studio space because, boy, do they call you back.
And when you get a price, you go down 20%, 25%, and they don't tell you to fuck off.
They go, so you'll be doing renovations when you move in?
Yeah.
We're basically, I think the fact that we've been doxxed at this perfect time is a great time.
I think the next studio you see will be Ellen DeGeneres, basically.
Like, it will look like a fucking, it'll make Sean Hannity look like he's in public access.
Do you think if we leave, there's like a crowd down there or some crap?
Yeah, maybe.
But there's four doors to get out of this building.
Especially if we go up to the roof.
Well, don't say it.
Anywho, don't say that.
That was the police.
The police came by.
There's no doorman at this time, in case you know where we are and you're thinking of killing us.
So the police have to, I guess they break the door down?
No must have a key or something.
But they came up and started banging on the door, and they were there to catch the...
So whoever has the number to our building told the cops that someone here OD'd.
That's good.
And by the way, Why were the cops here?
By the way, it's nothing to do with MAGA.
The cops are pro-MAGA.
That's not.
The cops are here because their job is to save lives.
And they heard that someone OD'd.
So the reason they're banging on the door is because they're told that someone is asleep on heroin on the other side of the door.
And they're trying to save that person's life.
They probably got Narcan pens in their hand.
These are the people we're vilifying.
Great work.
You know, the guy I work with, Sarush Alvi, that I started Vice with, he died many times.
Many times, he OD'd.
And he would wake up sometimes in an ambulance and EMTs would be beating the shit out of him.
Oh my God.
Because they were so fucking mad.
Oh, shit.
And also, I think that was discipline.
This is back in the early 90s when you could still do shit like that.
I think they were doing the right thing.
Give violence a chance.
Anyway, that's got to be a wake-up call when the people that are saving you aren't nice to you anymore.
Nor should they be.
Like your dad.
Say your dad bailed you out of jail four times.
It's going to kick your ass.
When I went home drunk, my friends dropped me off.
I was blackout drunk like this.
And my grandfather dragged me inside by my shirt.
He was best.
I mean, I'm sure it's longer.
I don't want to take up any time.
I just want to say he was very upset.
You would think that everybody else, like the women in the family, like they showered me, which is weird.
They took off my clothes and showered me.
My dad picked me up by my neck and smashed me through the front door of my home.
He threw me about 30 feet across our basement.
You think being dragged by your shirt is worth mentioning to the folks at home?
I don't know.
I'm sure, I mean, I don't know.
I fought my brother to the death.
I was dying.
Which one was he beat you?
Yeah.
He choked me out until I couldn't breathe and I started to see stars.
He almost killed me.
Well, my shirt was ruined.
It wasn't even.
See, you're lying now to make the story better.
Your shirt was stretched.
Yeah, but that's.
It was a t-shirt.
You should have your own show on this network called Shitty Stories with Ryan Katsu Rivera.
I could do that because I have nothing but.
Well, we did.
We tried that.
It was called Ryan's Mailbag.
And he spent 15 minutes saying different songs he likes.
Anyway, thank you to the cops.
If you guys are listening outside the door, we appreciate you.
Blue Lives Matter.
God bless the boys in blue.
And you know what's funny, by the way, about when they were at the door?
I could feel the brainwashing in the back of my head going, we're just fucking doing a show.
And you're here banging on our door.
Like I could see if I was black going, oh, I know what's going on.
It's because you don't want black people having a voice.
You know, you could see yourself getting into, especially if you're like upper middle class black dude who grew up with a white mom and no black dad and kept getting rewarded for making everything about you.
I could see getting into that tunnel vision and just being like, no, you're fucking banging.
You almost broke my door.
You almost got us booted out of the studio space.
What the fuck?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Couldn't you see your did you feel an inkling of that?
No, I just thought it was the speaker.
Because we've gotten complaints about that before.
Really?
Yeah, the office across, not the one next to us, interestingly enough, but across, because the door is not that strong.
You know what it is?
It's those Indians.
We're in a building.
There's a lot of textiles here.
Jewish people that are Shmada Jews, I guess they're called.
But there's these Indians who I think do a call service.
And they are constantly bitching.
And this one woman is constantly bitching and complaining, but she's three doors down.
And if I go bang, it's like cook, cook, cook.
Excuse me, sad.
Don't you come from a place where people shit on the streets so much that you get the bubonic plague when a car drives by because it splashes diarrhea on you?
Yeah, but by this hour, there's...
Because there's only 60,000 homeless people as opposed to India, which I think is 100% homeless people.
They start moving back.
Yeah.
This is what we that's happened.
Yeah.
Mexican illegals have gone down in certain times during Obama's economy because it wasn't as lucrative as back home.
You could have an aneurysm on a toilet.
You never know.
God, I want to have a beer with that guy.
That's cool.
Oh, I can't wait to tell you about this cop story about the meth investigation he did that took him months.
The meth makers, after the explosion, driving to a friend's house with their skin falling off their face and arms to ask him if he has a hose.
Yeah, I do.
Would you like me to wash away your skin?
So they, I guess they were high.
So then they drive to the hospital.
He examines the car later.
There's skin on it.
Like, I don't mean dandruff.
I mean, like, bacon.
There's bacon on the dash and the seats from them zombies.
Anyway, it's a two-hour story.
I'll get to it.
So sorry, I guess I should be apologizing to Nadav because I've totally fucking ripped apart his trailer.
And thanks to assholes who like to waste our time.
By the way, you just made better content for the show.
We got the cops coming by.
There's only 30 seconds left.
They were investigating the Trump campaign for is what they themselves were doing.
Not just the Democratic Party and their operatives, but also the FBI.
If I were writing about the timeframe that we lived in, that we're living in now, I would say it wasn't supposed to happen.
They weren't supposed to know.
The entire time this was going on, they thought this was going to be what sunk the Donald Trump presidency.
And they were just looking for the golden goose, and they still haven't found it because it doesn't exist.
Well, they also invented the golden goose, and They were so lazy about it.
Like with Laura Loomer's campaign, and we'll talk about this on the Laura's show.
CBS and their affiliates put out a results, results for the campaign.
Laura Loomer, 2%.
Her incumbent, 46%.
And then at the top, it said, and I'm going to get you this screen grab.
I haven't got it yet.
Based on 100% reporting rates or something like that across the top.
Now, it's one thing to say across the top, some experts think this might be the results.
This was two days before the election.
CBS was declaring the results.
And at the top, they said 100% reporting, Laura Loomer, 2%.
The results, when we heard about, when I heard about this, she'd already shut it down, which took an army of lawyers.
The actual results were something like Laura Loomer, 43%, her incumbent like about 20% at best, and then everyone else down 231.
So the same results, but Laura was moved from the top to the bottom.
That should be the biggest story in the country.
And I was talking to Jacob Wall about it, and he goes, well, yeah, you know, I'll do that too sometimes.
I'll send people, I'll send a network a story that I want to get, that I want to blow up Friday at 9 p.m.
And it's interns there at the time and they'll put it up and it won't get caught until Monday.
And I go, okay, say that happened?
That's a story.
That our media is so weak.
It's contingent on when you send the story that you can send a story Monday.
I mean, sorry, Friday at 9 and it takes off.
How embarrassing that I was talking to police with this on my hat.
Yeah.
My officer, we're obviously not going to do drugs.
That's hilarious.
There's two of us here, and the other one has a message that's pretty clear saying new drugs.
So then I took off my hat to sort of pretend I was thinking like, I don't know what to hear this thing.
I can't help you out.
It's pretty great.
By the way, it's just as bad as you wouldn't have expected it to be with those color bars.
She says one thing.
Oh, no.
I apologize to you, Ryan Katsu Rivera.
I wasn't trying to say I'm right.
I'm just trying to.
I don't know.
You should say you're right.
I'm right.
Throw some balls.
Sure, I'm right.
I shat on you.
I called you a fucking idiot because it has been a pretty consistent pattern.
and you were completely right about that and I was completely wrong.
But the implications of my story.
Yes.
When you're positive I'm wrong, you should take advantage of the fact that you're a retard and be like, I'm right.
Yeah, like you're like the Phillies, right?
Or the Mets.
You keep losing and losing and losing.
So when you know you're going to win, when you know DeGrom is there and Syndegaard's lost his Tommy John and you're feeling good about this game, bet on it.
I would have bet you you could have won.
I wouldn't have bet.
Off $100.
Wow.
I would have bet $350 that you're a fucking idiot.
And they'd never show those color bars.
Unfortunately, I've been corrected so many times that I start questioning my own reality.
I'm like, you know what?
I've never seen those color bars before.
That's what I'm saying.
It's the 70s thing.
Not only the story here.
It's the 80s thing.
The story is that...
When I was a little, little kid, like six, seven, TV would finish at around 9.30, and then an Indian would come on the screen, like with his headdress and a circle behind him, and just like codes and charts, I guess, where you'd test the, yeah, that's what I saw at 9.40 on all three channels we had.
What the hell?
That's an old-timey thing.
Yeah.
So that's what I'm saying.
The story here isn't that I'm right.
It's just that they thought that that would be a good way to...
Yeah, like when our Skype cuts out, it doesn't go to a rainbow.
What are they using?
You know, like 1970s wood-sided wood-panel TVs?
You know what it probably is?
I've never seen...
Lifetime.
I've never seen that.
My ad agency closed in like 2010.
10 years.
10 years we've been doing these shows.
I've never, from Skype to whatever, to doing it in studios, to renting a studio and having someone piped in to my time on Fox News.
I've never fucking seen that before.
Yeah.
And you know what happened?
Right after that happened, I bet somebody went up to the roof and they started putting more aluminum foil in the antennas.
Maybe some fat nerd came over to the guy that did it and goes, yeah, those are from the early 80s.
They don't really exist in modern technology.
It goes to black or sometimes it'll glitch and you'll see a bunch of squares.
That's what they should have done.
How many times have we seen that?
That happens every day.
Rainbow Bar?
That's how you test your new TV that is too old for a remote.
Anyway, sorry.
So that's the one movie we wanted to talk about.
We're dipping into the calls pretty heavily here.
This should probably be its own episode, and I shouldn't bring it up on a show like this, where we sort of, this is our party show.
Wednesday's our party hump day, where at the end of every episode, every Wednesday, Ryan and I, I'm not going to call it making love because it's not.
We don't kiss.
I just put my dick in him and we hump.
Yeah, I don't know.
And it's his way of bringing the fag zone to work.
It's my way of getting some work done.
I've been meaning to mention that I wanted to say I don't know.
Stop, stop, stop talking about our favorite thing that we do and making it a bummer on the show.
That's bringing leisure to work.
Hump day is our favorite time, especially after when we get down to brass tax.
I hate the tax.
And you bring the fag zone here.
And I do you a favor.
I'm not gay, but I do you a favor as a gay and I plug your nut.
What if I plug my nut?
That's like what the fucking the bartender Jack?
He's like, fucking in a how'd you do?
Fucking rogue.
And then you fucking, it's like a fucking pitchfork through a grape.
And I asked him the other day, I go, you said a pitchfork through a grape.
You were talking about fucking the other day.
You were wasted.
You just came back from a golf game.
He's like, hi, what was that?
Now, all Irish people talk like pirates.
He's like, maybe a grape through a goose.
A grape through a goose.
And then there's also a pitchfork through a goose.
So maybe I combine the two?
It's like, wow, we're going to get Mueller on this.
So his mistake was that it wasn't a goose, it was a grape?
No, I think he was combining like three colloquialisms.
Because there is like something through a goose, shit through a goose or something.
Yeah.
And there's a pitchfork one.
Like grain through a goose or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, not grain.
It's like grain through a goose.
After about 37 hours of digesting, it comes out as poo.
All right, so this is a huge story that we're sort of pissing out in five minutes, which I regret.
But Millie Weaver did a movie called Shadowgate.
Ezra Levant texted me last week.
He said, can you promote this?
She was just arrested the day before her movie came out.
I love Millie.
Okay, Ezra.
I trust you.
I still do.
So I'll promote it.
Holy fuck, everyone.
Millie Weaver got arrested the day before her documentary came out that says that Obama was spying on the Trump campaign.
I know Obama was spying on the Trump campaign.
Way bigger than Watergate.
That's fantastic.
Let's get it out there.
I doubt her arrest was valid.
Maybe she even did something illegal, like drove drunk or fucking jaywalked or something.
And they thought, let's drop the hammer on her.
So that was very clean and easy.
And then I'm in the bathroom with Roger Stone.
And he goes, actually, no.
He was talking about Chuck Johnson and Chuck's pilloring of him that happened in the court transcripts.
I guess it was another time.
Someone else goes, so you're cool with Millie Weaver?
And I go, yeah, she's awesome.
He goes, have you seen Shadowgate?
And I go, I saw a bit of it.
And they go, did you notice it eviscerates Roger Stone and says he's part of the deep state?
And while it's blaming Obama for spying on Trump, it basically implies that Roger Stone facilitated the whole thing.
And he's a deep state operative.
And sort of like with the Mercedes thing, you hear this horrible accusation about your good friend and you go, bull fucking shit.
And they go, yeah, Alex Jones is pissed.
Alex Jones just fired her.
It was based on one nut bar informant.
And he's, granted, I haven't seen the whole show.
He's a central part of the whole fucking show.
Of the whole movie.
Anyway, it's, it's.
The reason that I said on Parler, fuck her, I'm done with her.
She's dead to me.
Is because I've seen some of this, but I'm basing it on Roger and other people closely associated with this whole controversy.
I could change my mind.
That's never happened.
But let's just have a brief look at, is this the whole movie?
Yep.
So how can people find this?
Show everything.
Millie Weaver, Shadowgate documentary.
Bit shoot.
Bit shoot, yeah.
Scroll down a bit.
Maybe that'll help people verify it.
So Jacob Martin.
Jacob Martin put it up.
43 subscribers.
It's really not hard to find.
Yeah.
Here's a really good documentary outside of the Roger shit.
Are behind the fake news in mainstream media.
Influence operations on social media.
And the civil unrest nationwide pushing the defund the police movement.
The Obamagate scandal only scratches the surface.
You mentioned shock value that is shocking what the Russians did.
I agree.
We need to stop it.
I know that now based on the horror which rule.
I'm not saying that you lied to the court.
I'm saying you signed something that was a lie and you didn't know it.
Talk about a cover story.
What really happened is much more alarming.
Both parties are equally guilty of covering up what should turn out to be an even bigger scandal.
Shadowgate.
The tactical and operational role the shadow government played behind the scenes carrying out the coup against President Trump.
We're going to be looking behind the puppets at who the real puppet master string pullers are.
The material presented in this talk.
Didn't she have made sure her boss Alex Jones saw this before she released it?
Of all political affiliations.
This is about real players.
People whose names never come up but should.
Career politicians are definitely part of the Beltway Swamp.
Even aspects of the deep state.
But they are not the shadow government.
The shadow government consists of government contractors, defense, intelligence, security, and so on.
Our government mostly consists of front-facing desk jockeys that are compartmentalized in coupables.
Same with our media.
They're to cover up for the fact that most of the real work is outsourced to contractors, a.k.a.
the military-industrial complex.
That way, what the public sees through FOIA requests, investigations, congressional hearings, or otherwise, is as clean as a whistle.
All the dirty work is kept private.
Isn't it interesting how that's exactly true of our media, too?
Like the protests and Antifa and all that.
The media, CNN, Anderson Cooper, they don't go to any of that.
Don Lemon, he goes, Antifa.
Anti-fascist.
It's in the name.
All right.
So we're giving our subscribers a homework assignment here.
But maybe scroll and see if you can find the hot tub scene with Roger Stone.
Right.
Where Millie says, feed me.
So this is the guy, by the way, I think.
I think it's that dude in the vest that set up the whole thing.
As far as Roger getting fucked.
Or accused.
You know, Alex is a pro.
And he would have said to her, Look, you're bringing up some big stuff about some good friends of ours.
At the very least, you should probably say allegedly.
And make sure you talk to Roger.
Yeah.
If an ally of yours like Roger is getting fucked over in a documentary, wouldn't you call him?
This is like when they did all this shit about that Kalamazoo thing.
thing and said oh no no sorry buzz what's his name from the melvins did an interview with me and they said the singer the melvins affiliated with uh proud boys founder gavin mcinnis And I emailed both the writers that did two stories on it, and I said, why didn't you call me or contact me about this?
You did all this research, all this fucking combing through different articles and interviews.
You could have just called me and asked me.
Journalism is propaganda done by communists.
And often when I say communists, you'll go to Twitter and they'll have a hammer and a sickle in their avatar.
I'm not being hyperbolic.
I'm not bragging.
I'll eat your ass.
Oh, okay.
I see Roger Stone.
Roger Stone with this commutation.
We'll solve it because this is where it all comes to the surface.
How do you think your jury pool was selected?
Well, obviously, I don't know.
I do know that based on the statistics on the District of Columbia, the statistical improbability of my jury having a single Republican should be impossible.
The statistical impossibility of my jury having a single member should be impossible.
The statistical possibility of my jury having no jurors with less than a college education is impossible.
But that was the case.
Well, what if I told you, Roger, that your jury was actually selected, the jury pool, the grander jury pool, right?
Before the void, as they say, where you kind of select and approve and deny, right?
The majority of it was actually plugged into a program.
But see, this program wanted to select a jury pool that would get you a guilty verdict no matter what.
Hence, the odds, like you say, are so far-fetched.
So the question is, who was the company?
Who was the vendor that was used to select your greater pool for the jury?
And if your lawyer was able to find that or ask that question, I would not be surprised if you see the name General Hayden hop up.
I do think it might strengthen the possibility of my appeal, should that become necessary.
I will never plead guilty to something I didn't do.
I'm going to have to watch the whole thing.
That actually looked pretty good for Millie.
That made me worried that I disavowed her too soon.
I guess I'll watch the whole thing.
Yeah.
That seemed to be pro- Did you notice a vibe with that chick where it's an amateur talking to a legend?
Like, when I saw Roger do his talk at Laura Loomer's thing, I was just like watching Mike Tyson today horse around in the ring or like Lee Trevino hit a few balls at a mini putt.
Like the guy is so above us with these political speeches that he didn't write anything.
It was, he had the whole cadence down.
He had the big picture down.
He had the microcosms down with small examples.
He was so astute, austere, articulate, concise.
And I just was like, I've been doing this for a long time, but wow, that guy is out of my league.
He's a Tyson.
He's just like, he could be 79 years old and he will knock you out.
I wouldn't fight Mike Tyson at 80.
I will be, I don't know, I'll be 70 at the time, I guess.
I wouldn't fight Mike Tyson at 80 right now.
People are, somebody wrote in and said it was Brennan who converted to Islam, not Clapper.
But you looked it up and.
Yeah, I think you're right.
It says Brennan was also a communist.
He voted for Gus Hall and admitted to it during a lie detector test while applying to the CIA.
I thought Clapper was the one, and this is probably retarded and wrong, that he committed the same offense that Roger Stone did, a process crime, but didn't get in trouble for it.
Or was that Tapper?
Clapper.
No, you're right.
I was wrong.
It's John Brennan.
Of the CIA, right?
Yeah.
Does he look like James Clapper?
A little bit.
Well, gray and melty.
I was totally wrong.
This is a great thing about this show when it's live.
We correct typos live on air.
Yeah, John Brennan, I met.
John Brennan.
Who's the guy who did?
That was the guy that Homeland was based on.
Oh, never mind.
I could have sworn this is the guy who got a job after committing the same thing.
So John Brennan got a job.
John Brennan got a job.
Wait, oh, you're right.
You're right.
With CNN, right?
Right, right.
So James Clapper is the guy who did the exact same thing that Roger Stone did, but instead of facing years in prison, he got a contributor gig at CNN.
By the way, I know we've gone late with the calls here.
We're going to go late with the calls.
We'll go after 11.
But yeah, I should have, that whole Nadov Milly Weaver thing, we should have done as a separate show because it involves some investigation.
Investigation.
Series investigate.
All right, I'm going to get some paper and we should probably take some calls.
All right.
So with the camera on old Rydog.
I'm doing some very boring stuff here where I'm logging into our call-in system.
I am not looking forward to the hump section post-show where I do the favor of satisfying you and your gay proclivities.
Well, you know what?
How about let's skip it tonight?
No, no.
I owe it to you.
You don't have a boyfriend.
You think about sex constantly.
You have to look at me for a living.
You're obviously brimming with lust.
You're saying it's like working at a candy shop and I'm...
I need to give you a bite.
I'm good.
Once a week you get a bite, buddy.
Okay, well, I'm good and yet again and good at it.
We have a first call if we're Dr. Tiger.
Let's do it.
All right.
Olivia?
Is this Olivia?
Yes.
This isn't Olivia Newton-John, is it?
Are you trying to get physical?
What?
No.
Olivia Newton-John.
On the album Totally Hot, or maybe it was called Let's Get Physical.
The top hit on that album was, Let's Get Physical, Physical.
I want to get physical.
Let's get into physical.
Let me hear your body talk.
Your body talk.
Let me hear your body.
How do you know that fucking you begin?
What are you saying?
You just sang the whole word.
Yeah.
I think I combined that album when I was 10.
You had the album?
Yes.
Well, I don't want to hear this.
There's a grease.
We were all attracted to her.
But you can't look at her through the song.
No, we had the album.
Oh, okay.
She was sexy on the cover.
Is it Tim Dylan?
It was so hard to find a fat person back then.
Sorry, Olivia.
Go ahead.
Oh, okay.
Well, I just wanted to say you guys should get this YouTuber on your show.
He's called Anxiety War, and there's a fantastic video called Frantic Online Predator Runs in Circles and Drops His Tees.
And you guys need to go like 28 minutes in because the first 28 minutes is he's just reading through the chat logs.
He poses as 13-year-old girls and catches predators.
And he's gotten in trouble with the local police bosses, like the bosses of the police.
They don't want him doing that.
Yeah.
So 27 minutes in?
You know what I bet?
I just made up.
Olivia, I just made this up right now.
But you know what I bet?
They say that.
They go, you got to stop doing that.
So they won't get sued, right?
But secretly, they're like, this is awesome.
Keep doing this.
Yeah.
No?
This is a little like my theory?
Yeah.
What was that?
My theory that I just made up is the cops like this shit, but they don't want to get sued in case he gets the shit beaten out of them.
So they make sure they're on record going, hey, you got to stop doing this.
It's the worst.
No way, Jose.
It's the worst.
I hate it.
Oh, two thumbs way down.
And then that's on record, so they can't get sued.
But then secretly they're like, keep doing it.
Fucking catching those pedophiles, dude.
Right.
No, the cops love him, but it's the DA and stuff that say he's a vigilante and he should stop.
But he's had about seven guys convicted with his evidence.
And he's a total trumpster, but he doesn't talk about it on his channel.
So he pretends to be a girl or a boy?
He pretends to be a girl, but sometimes a boy.
Because let's be honest, most pedophiles are gay, right?
Oh, shit.
He shows him the picture of his.
Oh, this is pretty cool.
Okay, this is great.
Thanks for calling, Olivia.
We look forward to checking it, too.
Just hang up on her.
Let me hear you about a talk.
I can't believe you like, you know that.
I don't like it, but in VH1, they had this, like, I love the 80s crap.
And it got me.
I like Abracadabra, too.
It looked like me.
How did I get this?
I have no idea.
Wanna tell the truth?
No idea what you're talking about.
It's all gonna be fun on anyway.
You're a pretty fast walker.
I'm a pretty good runner.
Dude, you're trying to have sex with an underage girl?
No.
You knew it?
Nope.
You knew it.
Chat log doesn't lie, dude.
You know what I don't get about these guys?
Can't you just find an 18-year-old for a short time?
Right?
Dude, you were going to have sex with me.
Asian Thai.
19-year-old?
Why do you need a child?
I had sex with 16-year-olds when I was 17.
It wasn't fun.
They weren't good.
Good at it.
You weren't getting good at it.
I want to see the keys drop.
Start running.
Kick his ass, please.
As Crowder puts it.
Yeah, dude, I like this.
They should be killed.
Nice little maneuver.
It's a fun game of pay.
You're a little too old for this.
Got your keys.
I will break your hand.
Get me those keys.
Hey, I'll break your hand.
Not even close, dude.
If you want it, just tell me to let go.
Let go.
Don't leave me alone.
Don't leave me alone.
Is he a robot pedophile?
Now leave me alone.
You need to bring your own.
This is one thing that annoys me with these kind of videos is He gets made uncomfortable at target.
I wonder if she said that it leads to arrests.
Convicted.
It leads to convictions.
16 years.
Dude, you knew she was 13.
16.
13, trying to hook up with a Dude, that's huge.
When he said 16, that's him saying those are my transcripts.
That's definitely coming up in court.
What are you here for?
Because initially he said, that guy looks like me, but you just said 16.
That's huge.
He said he was here for lunch.
Not that you couldn't just prove it with IP and all that.
Who goes to Target for lunch?
What are you here for?
I'm so hungry.
Can we go to IK and get some meatballs?
Target doesn't even have meatballs.
That's like going to McDonald's playroom just to play.
Right.
And not wanting any food.
That was fun.
Thanks, Olivia.
Thanks for letting us hear your body talk.
Okay, I'm going to call her after the show because she is a winner.
Oh, yeah, good.
Thanks for reminding me.
Yep.
She just won.
So, our first two callers get the Heshy socks.
We didn't get to hear her reaction of winning.
Woo!
Oh my God.
I get socks.
All right.
Next caller, you're on the line.
Hey, my beautiful, sweet little angels.
Mikey!
Hey, Mikey.
Hey, just so you know, the audio, like, Gavin sounds like he's really, really far away, and it's very distorted.
And Ryan sounds kind of distorted.
Is this on the show or on Skype?
Is this just with the calls, or has the whole show been like this?
Just, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Just on the phone call.
Okay, so what you're doing is you're hearing me through Ryan's mic.
So, dude, we got to reboot Skype or something.
He's hearing to like do this.
That's the deal.
Yeah, that's not good.
It's hard to...
No, the solution is not to bring that closer.
The solution is to get this to work.
No, we don't run through that.
Because then they get the delay.
So we've always been going through that shitty webcam?
Yeah.
Sounds good.
If you call in, you wouldn't Is it possible someone calling in would complain about the shitty audio?
Is it super...
This is Ryan.
He's sitting here saying, no, no, people like it when they call in.
Literally seconds after a caller goes, hey, I can't hear you.
This is why he's a moron.
No, no, so.
Well.
Go ahead, caller.
I, um...
So I was talking to my independent friend on Facebook, actually, and we were having a debate, and I wanted to read you what he wrote and just see what you thought of this, because I disagreed with it, but this is what he said.
Let's be honest, our lives don't change that much depending on which party controls the country.
That's true.
I think most people love America, the Constitution, and its founding principles.
That's true.
America was never intended to be controlled by the same two parties forever.
I don't know.
What do you think of that?
I think the last part's not true.
You know, I come from Canada and Britain, where they have four parties in control, and there's just so much distribution of power that nothing can get done.
Because when one group comes up with something, the other group vetoes it.
So it stagnates.
Now, no one wants a dictatorship, but I think a bi-tatorship is really the only way to get anything done.
So, no, he's wrong about that.
Everything else I agree with.
I think that, look, I think what's going on here, too, is our enemies are not bad people, but they're kind of vindictive and shitty.
And ultimately, they want what's best for the country, but they also have a lot of fucking baggage.
Like, you look at Robert Crum, right?
He's a good person who loves people, but he was a pariah in high school.
He was a skinny, ugly nerd that everyone made fun of.
And so when he got popular, when he got famous, he was all about abusing women for revenge.
So it's possible that someone good and moral can also be malicious and vindictive and be out for revenge.
And I feel like people like Patton Oswalt, David Cross, John Glazer, Sam Seder, a lot of these beta male comedians that were popular in the Wimp days, they resent Trump for wanting to bring us back to the wedgie era where they were persona non grata.
What do you think of that?
Right, and I also think that, I think politics have gotten really, especially at this point, have gotten really black and white.
Either you're a Republican, sorry, I've been drinking, or a Democrat.
A Republican?
And either you're for us or you're against us.
Yeah, that's why tonight we started a new movement called the Not Left Movement, where you don't need to be Republican or Democrat.
You just have to want less government.
Maybe you don't want babies being killed.
And that's pretty much it.
The First Amendment, the Second Amendment.
We're good to go after that.
Thank you.
But, I mean, what he was saying is that this went on for a little while.
Kind of like this call?
Yeah, absolutely.
If Democratic, if there's Democratic control and take, for instance, Seattle, look at Seattle.
It's fucking burning to the ground, just like Oregon and all these other places.
When you, you know, you don't really see that much Republican shit.
I don't, there's some things I don't agree with as far as Republican, but you don't see as much crazy shit from Republican as you do Democrats.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks for calling.
True Det.
His whole thing kind of dropped off at the end, you know?
He's been drinking a little bit, but he had a good point.
And he won Heshy Socks.
I will be contacting him after the show.
This is a terrible Donald Trump.
What?
That's supposed to be Donald Trump?
I don't know if we should even put this up.
That looks like a cool other guy.
His face is wide.
Way wide.
Cameron wants to know about why you hate jazz so much.
Why don't you...
Why do you hate rape so much?
Hey, Gavin High, Prince of the Rad Zone.
Hey, man.
Hello.
Hey, so I think you're overlooking America's richest treasure in jazz music, which is baseball.
As someone that improvises daily, you would understand the rigor of that craft.
And, you know, the jazz luminaries like Miles Davis, they're all about not giving a fuck what anybody thinks and following your own direction and evolving.
Sounds good.
Just curious, when was the last time you picked up the needle and put it down on a fucking jazz room?
Hello, you've got a bass.
Alas, I don't have a turntable to do that, but I'd recommend listening.
So when was the last time you sat down alone, uncoerced, and put on jazz?
Sometimes I have it in the background while I'm watching your show.
So when was the last time?
Yesterday.
Just close my eyes and let the music carry you away.
And what was it?
It was a solo concert by Keith Jarrett, who just sits down at the piano and improvises with no plan.
I recommend it.
He's Scottish in origin, and I think you would find something deeply appealing about his music.
Put it on with the Mistus.
It's romantic and it really takes you on a journey.
Okay, I'm calling bullshit, but thanks for calling and we'll give it a chance.
I already hate him, by the way.
I hate his fucking shirt.
But let's see.
Let's see.
No, we got to give it more than that.
Do-do-do-do-do.
Do-do-do-do.
Do you just want to punch him?
Ew, what's he?
Why is his shirt tucked in?
Is he coming?
From this angle?
Get him out of here.
He's like a weird, autistic, Jewish nerd.
Oh, God.
You don't like it?
Caller, you gotta go get laid or something.
That's disgusting what you just sent us.
Look at that.
We're watching a Jewish kid masturbate.
What gives you the rat?
What gives you the rat?
to make us watch gay German solo porn.
I'm going to use a pencil for this sketch because I'm...
It pumps hard.
Black and white.
Would you rather?
Okay, this would you rather better not involve my family?
That's fucking so lazy.
Would you rather punch your mom in the face or have your dad kick his shoe in your ass?
Or fuck your dad.
No, it's not like that, but I was going to tell you, it does involve family, but don't take it the wrong way.
Okay?
Mike!
Okay.
Would you rather one of your boys join Antifa or become trans?
Yeah, sorry.
Thanks for your call.
I don't do family.
Would you rather.
What about me?
I can't hear you.
What about you?
That microphone's got to come with you.
What about you, Ryan?
Yeah.
That's like saying, would I rather...
He's 90 years old.
Okay.
He'd be awful at both of those conversions.
So what you're saying is someone you care about.
Yeah.
Let me think of someone I care about.
Who do I care about?
You.
Not gay Jared.
Oh, okay.
I like that guy.
So Antifa or Trans?
See, now it's good.
Yeah, it's good.
Now you took my family out of it.
I mean, they're the same, really.
Like the guy, what's his name?
Finbar Sloanum, who attacked Proud Boys at that thing where my buddies went to prison.
He's trans and Antifa.
Trans Antifa, yeah.
And assuming they don't get fake tits and do anything, right?
It's just an outfit.
I guess Antifa.
I mean, I was Antifa, really.
I really thought that.
In the 80s, I was a punk rocker who hated the government and all that stuff.
But one of them is going to get hurt, get in, you know, get into a lot of trouble and other people.
Not the good type of trouble.
And the other one's just going to be weird and annoying.
Right.
The trans guy is going to get fucking killed by his gangster boyfriend.
The Antifa is just going to get arrested at some dumb thing, smash a bunch of windows like a dumbass.
That's a good point.
All right.
See how good it is when you take your family out of it?
Yeah.
Justin.
What's up, dude?
Hello?
Hey, hey, what's up, guys?
How are you?
Good.
How are you?
Good.
Sorry, I had you guys on the headbutt.
I just, hey, Gav.
Hey, Brian.
I just wanted to ask you, Gav, I know you're like a big Howard Stern fan.
I love to hate you.
I just discovered you through like a Howard Stern message board.
She doesn't know what your thoughts were on the current version of Howard Stern.
Oh, my God.
He's insufferable with this mask shit.
See, Howard is a paranoid agoraphobe, and he only ever wants to just stay at home.
So now he's finally found something where all his paranoia is justified.
And he keeps pushing it as some sort of prophecy where he was like, see, I knew it.
I knew that we're all going to die.
And now he won't shut up about the fucking masks constantly.
Mike!
Oh, it's so annoying.
He just like every hour after I could, like, okay, I could put up with like maybe him like bashing Trump.
I know he's not like the brightest.
He's a new, like, whatever.
But, like, the COVID stuff just goes on and on and on.
And it does really like tie into all his like neuroses.
And I like how he's always about therapy and how great it is.
And you go, well, not unlike my friend Terry Richardson, you've been going every day for years and you're still scared to go to a fucking dinner party, like petrified.
So maybe it's not working out so great.
Maybe it's not so mandatory.
Dude, he's been going to like a psychotherapist like longer than I've been on earth.
And the dude is still talking about what happened to him in high school or his mom.
Oh, the blacks bullied me.
They were mean to me in Riverdale.
Okay, sorry.
No, it's not Riverdale.
Where was it now?
Somewhere on Long Island.
Roosevelt?
Roosevelt, yeah, that's it.
They were mean to me in Roosevelt.
Yeah, okay.
So you were bullied in high school?
You mean like 50% of the population?
Maybe move on, Howard.
You know another thing I hate about him?
He always asks celebrities if they were intimidated to meet like Leonardo DiCaprio.
And it's someone like, I don't know, like Vince Vaughan.
You go, no, I think he was fine meeting fucking another guy who's in the same business as him for the same amount of time.
Fucking.
Or jealousy questions, right?
Oh, the jealousy.
Hey.
That must have made you really mad.
Hey, Bill Murray, is Bob Murray jealous of you?
Yeah.
My really successful brother, Bob Murray, is totally jealous of the brother that he loves, that he's been with his whole life, that he changed the diapers of.
He hates that his brother, Bill Murray, is successful.
And it's really just his like vindictive, basically Jewish, you know, self-hatred where he assumes everyone else is as bitter and paranoid as him.
And that's the worst part about COVID is it justified all that shit.
Oh, yeah, totally.
It's just like every reason that he had to be like kind of like a dick is now all justified.
And like he was on two days ago, three days ago, Gary had Lucas on his son.
And then like they hugged.
And then Howard like has his like father hunger triggered.
And he's like, why?
Why would you hug your father?
Don't you know COVID-19 is going to kill us all?
Yeah.
Dude.
Well, that's actually his psychiatrist should spend some time on that because you clearly have a problem.
You know what I can tell, by the way, when he talks to Gary, is that he somehow resents Gary's wholesome fatherness, fatherliness, his wholesome family.
Not really.
He hates him for that.
Yeah, like Gary loves his wife.
He loves his sons.
They have a great life.
Gary has his hobby with his vinyl and everything.
And you can see, you can see, I think the reason that Howard shits on his vinyl is because he sees Gary happy and fulfilled.
And I mean, I've had that instinct before where I see someone who just like has it all worked out and nothing ever bothers them.
Toy Story?
I get mad.
Like, no, not Toy Story.
Crocs.
I get mad because I'm like, flip-flops will ruin my day and you're just coasting through life.
He really resents how functional Gary is.
And by the way, not to get too Jewish on everything, but you see that with like Henry Winkler playing the Fonds and the Ramones being Joey Ramon and the guy playing Bowser.
Like there seems to be in Brooklyn anyway and New York City, this sort of like, I don't know, like resentment that Italians seem so okay with everything and they eat and they love and they drink and the Jews are like, what are you doing?
You're my neighbor and you're out there gallivanting.
She's got her tents hanging out.
Can't you just kvetch and be uptight?
Andrew Dice Clay.
Yeah.
Yeah, Andrew Dice Clay, another one.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Italians are the ultimate family people in a way.
Italians are the blacks of whites.
Okay, that too.
That's so funny.
All right, thanks for calling, dude.
So that's pretty cool that he found you on a Howard message board.
Yeah, that is weird.
You know?
It's like Howard's letting them down.
Maybe you could, you know, help some of that pick up where he left off.
It's much better to go with pencils first.
We're getting somewhere.
Oh, wow.
That's not terrible.
That's reasonable.
So it is.
When Laura had that bagpiper, I was like, that was fucking magic, by the way, you're a bug man.
You fucking dealt it.
You the parking oh, by the way.
And he just went.
Imagine he was just like, thank you.
Did he have an accent?
No, Ryan.
The guy in America who played the bagpipes was not Scottish.
Well, then they skimped out.
They should have gotten a guy from the motherland.
Yeah, as they always do.
The Grand Green, as they call it, Scotland.
Justin?
Hello?
I'll eat your ass!
You're on the line, Justin?
You gotta pause or mute the feed.
You're live, bro?
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
My bad, guys.
Gavin, I love your new sunglasses.
Thank you very much.
And I like it too.
Of course.
So I wanted to kind of talk about Shadowgate because I watched that documentary in Pole, and admittedly, I was a little drunk.
But I watch a lot of movies drunk.
I don't really remember.
And my takeaway is always, God, that movie is so confusing.
Especially the last third.
The third act, they got way too complicated.
Yeah, or maybe we just drank way too much beer between those.
So am I wrong to think that it vilifies Stone?
Because Stone thought that.
Yeah, I didn't I didn't get that impression, at least while I was watching it drunk.
All All I recall from it was just kind of that clip you guys showed, where it was basically that one chick interviewing Roger Stone, talking about how his jury pool might have been selected by this algorithm that's being used.
Wow.
Okay, that doesn't make him look bad at all.
That's really all I remember.
I guess I got to check it out.
Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up on the show even.
And you're certain that was the one he mentioned?
I just said, like, a lot of my views come from smart people who've done their research going, no, dude, trust me, it's fucked up.
So that's what I was getting from my guys.
But I guess maybe I'm wrong.
Oh, yeah.
What do you guys think about Trump's pardon of Susan B. Anthony?
I thought it was pretty fucking underwhelming.
I thought, you know, maybe there's two people he could have pardoned.
It's either, you know, fucking Julian Assange or Tiger King.
I mean, with 2020, I wasn't sure.
Yeah, he went pretty far back in the history books for that one, didn't he?
But isn't it amazing how the left was pissed off about it?
They go, she was actually racist.
Yeah, I'm sorry that her views were antiquated.
She's from black and white photographs.
What do you want her to be down with Black Lives Matter and Kanye West?
But yeah, there's a million more.
You know what he should do?
The people in Wounded Knee, the soldiers who killed those Indians, got medals.
Those should all be revoked.
They murdered innocent women and children.
American Indians would appreciate that.
That's a ballsy one.
But no, we're not going to get that.
Yeah, and he's talking about doing the same thing with Snowden.
I think that's kind of interesting.
I know a lot of people are very split on that.
But just like that.
I'm personally split on that.
That's such an obvious one.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
Thanks for calling.
These are all good points.
Okay.
We got Nick.
That's true.
That's true.
Nick.
Hey, Gav.
Hey, Ryan.
Hello.
Hey, hey.
Real quick on the pardoning thing, I heard he said, I promised it's not going to be Snowden or Assange.
And I thought, oh, that's a genius Trump move.
It's going to be Snowden.
So then in the future, if people say Trump's a liar, you can say, oh, yeah, like how he lied and said he wasn't going to pardon Snowden and then did.
What a terrible guy.
Yeah, right.
Anyways, the real reason I wanted to call in was, I don't know if, Gavin, if you ever did any subliminal messaging work in your advertising life, but I was thinking back to how on 9-11, watching 9-11 play out on television, and I remembered thinking to myself, I wonder if the towers are going to come down.
And now all these years later, being a quote, conspiracy theorist who I think the towers were demolished, I remember thinking that, and I wondered if I go back and look at the CNN footage, I was watching CNN that day, if I look, can I find any cues that were there subliminally prepping, queuing people to accept the towers come down or expect it in advance?
And I found something pretty interesting.
If you look in the bottom left-hand corner of the CNN footage from before the second plane even hit in the Chiron, the lower third thing, every nine seconds they're showing the towers just being blown up and collapsing off screen.
It's like a rudimentary animated GIF type image in black and gray.
They're just showing the towers being blown up over and over again every nine.
You got to say link for that.
And then they stop showing it as soon as the towers.
That's pretty dramatic evidence.
You can't just sort of barf that out and say check it out.
Have you got the link?
I can't hear anything.
Have you got the link?
Too distorted.
It is distorted.
If you just look up CNN footage of 9-11, like it's on their own channel on YouTube.
So if you look up the second plane hits tower CNN, so from before the second plane hitting up until the first tower collapses, every nine seconds, they're showing like this little animated GIF in the bottom left.
You need to have the animated GIF ready, my friend.
It slows up and collapses.
It's not that readily available.
But you can point.
Your link is not readily available.
I can't hear you.
It's very distorted.
Your link is not readily available.
Why doesn't our fucking audio work?
Check, check, check.
I heard that.
Why doesn't our fucking audio work?
Yeah, maybe you scream everything.
What about that?
Check, check, check.
Is that better?
Yeah, much better.
Okay, so Ryan, I thought we did a test before we started the show today.
Do you hear an echo?
Do you hear an echo?
I heard myself repeat it back twice.
Okay, so why are we still dealing with echo problems after well over a year?
Well, our fix to that was the thing that we always use, the thing that we've been using today, frankly, and we've heard.
With everyone complaining about the audio, frankly, that's a new thing.
People don't normally complain about the fucking audio.
But nothing has changed.
This is what you have to digest.
No, no, no.
You're wrong.
I believe them.
I just, nothing has changed physically.
You're wrong.
Something has changed physically.
You just haven't detected it yet.
You're wrong.
I'm doing what Victor Lappe.
I don't know if you're familiar with them.
Okay, so you haven't changed anything, but coincidentally, all of a sudden, all the callers go, I can't hear you.
What there is is audio inputs.
Are you familiar with the concept of inputs and audio?
So there's this, and then there's this, and those are our options.
This isn't an option ever.
No, because that gives us a detailed.
What about our interviews with Skype guests?
It always comes through this.
Well, then why didn't fucking detective, what's his name, complain about hearing an echo?
Some people, it seems like, are hearing it.
We never use this.
We never use these.
But we're still on Skype.
Right.
Yet again.
So instead of sleeping all the time, the input listening to the podcast, maybe try to find the fucking problem.
The inputs are just the same as they always were when we did interviews on Skype and we did calls last week or the week before last week.
Let me repeat: fix this fucking problem.
We have a call-in show once a week.
You listening to podcasts and napping all the time isn't as important as fucking figuring out this fucking problem.
It's a major problem.
When in a call-in show, people can't hear.
That's major.
Or they get an echo.
Like, what the fuck?
I thought we solved this a long time ago.
We haven't had people.
I don't remember people complaining about the quality of the meeting.
Right.
It just happened today.
And also this TriCaster whining has just happened today.
So there's a couple of weird things that I will have to get to the bottom of.
But this is the first I'm hearing of it.
I'm using the same input that has given us successful calls all this time.
So it's got me scratching my head.
Let's see what happens with this mofo.
Hello.
Hey, what's up, guys?
How do we sound, first and foremost?
Hello, hello.
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane.
There's no problem with the audio.
Yeah, I'm only hearing that for you.
When I'm on hold, you guys sound fine.
Gavin sounds like a little in the distance, but there's no echo, no problems.
Audio is perfectly fine.
I don't know what the problem is.
All right.
Echo's not.
I mean, far in the distance is not good.
That's the only thing that's weird.
I can hear you in the distance.
That's really the only problem.
I don't like that.
So let me see if I could boost up.
I don't need a microphone.
I might as well not have a microphone.
That's for our viewers.
Is this the same?
Well, that's for our live viewers.
It's the same.
That matter also.
Okay, what's your question?
Yeah.
Oh, so, you know, talking about attractive older women, have you guys seen the CEO of Prager?
Her name is Marissa Street.
Have you seen pictures of her?
No, but I already have a bonus because I trust your judgment.
Yeah.
And while you're checking that out, by the way, jazz, every time you listen to a guitar solo, that's jazz.
Every time you watch Charlie Brown Christmas, the music in the background is jazz.
Yeah, the music in your fellows.
Guitar solos suck.
And the music in Charlie Brown's Christmas sucks.
Charlie Brown's Christmas.
Yeah, next time I have a big project to do in my workshop, I'm going to put on Charlie Brown's Christmas and fucking Ingy Maunstein.
You rules.
Yeah, but you watch it every year with your kids.
Yeah, because I do them a favor.
You think I like that shit?
You think I like watching Toy Story?
I'm not Ryan.
So Melissa Prager.
What our solos are jazz, dude?
Melissa Prager?
No, her name is Marissa Street.
She's the CEO of Prager University.
Gotcha.
Got her.
Yeah, check her out.
S-T-R-E-I-T.
Wow.
She's not old, though.
She's probably fucking 39.
Yeah, I guess I was going to say like mid-40s or something.
Oh, she looks fantastic.
I can go way weirder and way older if you can handle this.
You know who's a fucking smoke show?
Let's do it.
Jill Biden.
Jill Biden?
Jill Biden.
Joe Biden's wife looks fantastic.
I know I'm not making any friends with that.
I'm not into the blonde.
Me neither.
The problem is the blondes.
Me neither.
I'm not a blonde guy either.
But I'm not kicking anyone out of bed.
I'm not kicking Pamela Anderson out of bed for eating crackers.
All right.
Thanks for calling.
I think we made our points.
You showed us a hot old chick who doesn't seem very old to me.
Tyler Perry.
Hello?
Hey, man.
I'm off in the distance because we still haven't figured out our audio after a year on air.
That last guy was fucking lying.
The audio sucks.
Yeah.
That's what I figured.
It's awful.
So everyone hearing this live show hears me like on a cloud somewhere.
Yeah.
I mean, it's been like this forever.
I remember the compliance.
So it's never really gotten better.
The show's history.
That's infuriating.
Especially because I got here to the studio and Ryan was asleep.
And I'm like, can't we be testing stuff?
Oh, you can't hear me anyway.
Boondocks years ago because they made a show about him being gay or something.
Who?
What are we talking about?
Remember that?
No, what are we talking about?
I was saying, what are we talking about?
Tyler Perry, dude, the...
Can you switch it back?
Okay, so this is what we're working with.
Either echo or that.
Yeah, why are we working with that shitty ultimatum a year and a half into this fucking show?
How about we stop the show?
We'll figure it out because we can't push through.
All right, so we'll figure this out after the show?
Yeah, but why haven't we figured it out yet?
It was figured out for the first time.
No, it wasn't.
This guy just said the audio has always sucked.
I'm always off at a distance because they're always using that mic.
Either that or we get the delay.
But those are our options.
Okay, so let's just give up.
Those are our options, folks.
Sorry.
There's no such thing as technology.
On the other one.
No other phones.
No other shows have call-ins.
Fucking Jesus.
So, sorry, what's your question again?
Yeah.
Well, let me ask you something else.
No, ask me about Tyler Perry.
What would cause you to quit the show?
Like, what events in life would ever cause you to quit doing what you're doing right now?
More shit like this, technology not working, people I work with not working with me, sabotaging the company constantly.
Every time I put out a fire, I turn around and it's back on fire again.
That would piss me off.
See, I don't mind if there's problems.
This is my beef in all business.
If I say, hey guys, we shouldn't light a fire in the kitchen, it's going to set off the fire alarms.
And then somebody goes, nah, I think it's me, okay.
And then there's a fire and the fire alarm goes off.
That pisses me off to no avail.
If we didn't think it would be a problem to cook bacon and the smoke alarm goes off, oh well, we learned a lesson.
But it's when I predict problems and they happen anyway that drives me fucking insane.
Well, you could hire John from Compound and you could pay him a lot more, and he doesn't know anything about the audio board.
Anything.
That's Garrett's job.
That was Garrett's job.
And so I'm learning about this audio board, but I guarantee you I know more about the audio board than he does.
And that's what we're dealing with right now.
It's a feed issue.
It's an in and out issue.
It's a sense.
Or an audio guy.
You can get a guy who knows this board because I had to, you know, anytime there's a power outage or anything like that, I have to go ahead and build this again until I learn how to save it.
Then I save it, then I recall the thing.
There's a button on this audio board that remembers everything on the audio board.
Yeah, that's figured out.
That's figured out.
So you should be able to just come back in and push that button.
It's a little more complicated.
I have to go to scenes and recall the scene.
But I know what you're talking about.
You're talking about when the power isn't going out and it doesn't wipe the whole thing and reset.
You're talking about these buttons.
Yes.
Right.
That's not what I'm talking about.
That's completely different.
All right.
So basically.
That's neither here nor there.
The big picture is I would stop doing this if it wasn't financially viable.
And that's not because I'm looking to make money.
It's because that would be the market saying time to go.
Like, you know, Cheap Trick, they had a bunch of stadium shows, and then they started playing smaller and smaller venues until they were playing fucking, what was it called?
What's that venue in Times Square where you really know it's over?
BB Kings in Times Square with like 200 people.
And then I think they went, all right, that's enough live shows.
So I guess the short answer is I'll quit when no one wants to hear these shows anymore.
Apparently they can't hear them now.
Man, I feel like your fan base keeps on growing.
So keep on doing it and just be safe.
Be safe out there, man.
Thanks, Squirt.
Dad.
You know what it is?
We've never heard the distortion thing before.
We've heard the distance.
Correct?
Or false?
I'm going to say correct.
Correct.
Complaints today are correct.
It's correct.
We've never heard the distortion.
We've heard the distance before.
No one's complaining about distortion.
Yeah, they are.
No, they're not.
And you know what it is?
It's from that TriCaster.
I guarant motherfucking T you.
God damn it, damn it.
I guarantee you.
There's a delay, and I sound far away.
No, no, no.
Who's coming?
Let me break it down.
There's two different inputs here.
There's this thing, this microphone, where you sound distant.
The other one is the input from the mics, and that gives them a delay.
This has always been the case.
We fix the problem by making it this thing right here.
And the problem with this thing right here, the trade-off, is you get distance because it's far away from you.
So instead of getting a direct mic feed where they get this echo, because I haven't figured out the mix and sends.
So how many callers have been complaining about distortion?
I've played with it.
Trust me.
I've played with it.
How many callers have been complaining about distortion?
Two.
The other one's coming.
I haven't heard any distortion.
I heard delay and far away and I get an echo.
You didn't hear two people say you sound distorted.
Take the next call.
You heard two people say that.
I know you did.
No, I didn't.
You forgot it.
Jinsing.
Ma brothers.
Let me help you out with this.
Oh, God.
No, Jimmy.
No, no, no, no, no.
What do we sound like?
Thanks for calling, Jim.
That's rough.
Okay, well, let's try somebody else.
That probably ruined his entire week.
Good.
Okay.
Stephan.
How's your fucking catfish, Jim?
Stefan from Cleveland.
What do we sound like?
What's up, dude?
You sound good.
I can hear you here, but okay, I'm just going to weigh in here.
Your audio is not coming out of Gavin's mic, correct?
Correct.
The audio is not being picked up out of there.
That pisses me off.
So this might be the issue.
Like, I'm not an audio engineer.
I don't do a podcast or any shit like that, but I knew when you moved your mic across the table, I can see it's not making a sound.
Yeah, we got that.
That's clear.
If there was a way for you to get the audio out of your microphone, shut the fuck up.
Thank you for calling.
That was really helpful.
That was so helpful.
So if you could just make the problems go away that you're having.
I'm sitting here screaming that my mic isn't working, hence me going like this.
And someone calls in and goes, if you could get your mic to work, that would be a lot better.
Right.
Thanks, Dishrag.
The problem with this fucking show being on so late at night is we get drunks.
We do get some drunks.
Hey, what's going on?
This is James Actual Good Would You Rather.
How do we sound?
What's going on?
How you doing?
Hey, man.
Hey, man.
Gavin, you're looking thinner.
You've lost some weight recently, yeah?
No.
Okay, well, then you're just as handsome as ever, I suppose.
Handsome?
The audio's working for me fine right now.
Not going to lie.
All right.
Let's move on.
So I'll just go in with my would you rather.
Gavin and Ryan, would you rather have to take a shower every time you shit or wear a pair of over-the-ear headphones everywhere you go during the day?
Easy.
Go ahead.
This is good.
Finally, a fucking good one.
Finally.
God damn.
Oh, bro.
My problem is I'm an alcoholic with a Scottish stomach.
So I wake up, my first shit is a chicken stir-fry for someone on a diet.
So it's like four little tiny pieces of chicken.
And then the next one is a blowout of just like it looks like barbershop hair that was thrown in from like two days of cutting hair.
And then the next one is just salad.
And then the next one is salad.
And then it's like 10 a.m.
Now, even though if I got up at seven, so three hours later.
And then the last one is just like drops of yellow bile.
So that's five showers by 10 a.m.
Four showers.
And that's bad for your skin.
Like I'm going to wear off my skin.
Probably go bald too.
Headphones.
I fucking hate seeing dudes with headphones.
They're on my ears, right?
Yeah.
No, these are over the ear headphones.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like you were saying, I thought the best.
I'm going to be going to my kids' baseball games.
I'm going to be talking to other dads there.
They're going to think I'm a fucking imbecile and they'll be right.
So I'm just going to burn my skin off with four showers a day.
Exactly.
I'll just avoid soap.
Okay.
But that's going to suck.
But thank you.
Thank you.
You know, I heard an underdog on Howard Stern, and she was such the classic woman.
She hates Howard Stern.
So they were saying, who would you rather have dinner with?
A possum with rabies or Howard Stern?
And she's like, oh, God.
Oh, my.
Neither.
Neither.
Oh, because the possum, I mean, it could bite you and then you'd get rabies.
And I was like, I know she's mentally ill and everything, but isn't that women in a nutshell?
Like, they don't do hypotheticals.
They're always like, I don't like that.
No.
Oh, God, no.
One of them was, would you rather have dinner with Charles Manson or Howard Stern?
And she goes, oh, no.
I mean, he's been, Charles Manson's been dead for two years.
Yeah, it's not happening.
We're not setting up this dinner.
I'm not finding a possum, going through like 300 till I find one with rabies, getting it in a cage, getting permission from the restaurant to bring it in, trying to set it up at a desk with some guy, I mean, a table, with some guy who has like these giant leather arm gloves and a mask, and then letting you have your order and holding it there.
That's not happening, Susan.
Oh, neither.
Oh, God.
Yeah, this is what the guy was talking about.
The Boondocks, you know that show, right?
Yeah.
So they parroted a gay cross-dressing black film director and writer, and that was Tyler Perry, and he sued him.
Huh.
He sued those motherfuckers.
You know what?
I bet he did that because he knows his audience is black women, and they tend to not like homos.
And he thought, I need to give them something to show in case someone calls me a homo, or I should say discovers I'm a homo.
I knew homos that work with him.
He has a whole island.
It's just a big fuck fest.
He's a raging homosexual.
Allegedly.
Okay, right.
But yeah, if you don't sue, it's sort of like when they did that documentary about Sarah Palin and it had all this horrible stuff about her.
And I talked to Greg Guttfeld about it and I go, that was pretty bad, right?
Do you think it's true?
And he goes, well, why didn't she sue them?
Like, I'm suing the SPLC because they're wrong.
Wait, that contradicts what I just said.
I got to work on my analogies.
Hello?
Hello.
Hey, I was browsing Reddit today, and I saw Netflix's news series.
I sent an email to the mailbag, and it's about twerking tweens.
That's the subject line.
Netflix news series about twerking tweens.
I wanted you to look at it and see what you thought.
So the age of consent generally in America is 17.
Twerking means, look at my ass, fuck me from behind.
I want to fuck you.
That's what it means.
So if you have humans under 17 and they're doing that dance, it's illegal.
It's saying, oh my God.
What is this show?
Cuties?
Cuties.
11-year-old Amy starts to rebel against her conservative family's traditions when she becomes fascinated with her family.
Her parents are conservative because they don't want her to fuck dudes.
Aren't you conservative?
Fascinated with a free-spirited dance crew.
My parents are fucking conservative.
They don't want me doing fuck me from behind dances.
Wow.
You know what's funny about this?
Multiculturalism is about showing other cultures.
Other cultures are fucking gross.
The age of consent in Mexico is 12.
So we're pulling in.
You know what?
While we're doing multiculturalism, recently Africans, many countries in Southern Africa, were under the belief that bald people have gold in their head.
So bald people are getting macheted in the head and their brains are being rifled through for gold.
Have we proven that?
Do we do a Netflix on that?
They don't.
How about in South Africa where you have to fuck a virgin to cure yourself from AIDS and the only positive, definite virgins are babies.
So they're fucking babies.
That's a Netflix show.
What about some stoning women to death because they were raped and only sluts get raped?
That's a Netflix show.
What about in Hispanic culture, in Central America, Costa Rica, Honduras, Nicaragua, where handicapped kids are a sign that God thinks you suck, so they hide those children in the basement and rarely take them on walks or rarely show them to anyone?
Let's bring that in.
What about in Mexican culture where if you're horny and you want to fuck your wife and she doesn't want to, you just fuck her.
It's like there's no, the concept of not tonight do I have a headache doesn't exist in Mexico.
Let's pull that in.
Let's put that in.
Shall I go on?
How about fucking China having death camps for Muslims?
Which, I don't know.
Seems like they're taking care of business over there.
But what about that, Netflix?
Why don't you do a thing on the Uyghurs?
Or what about women in Yemen being raped so savagely for so long, they bleed to death?
That's another culture.
Let's pull that in.
You want to talk multiculturalism?
Let's bring it all in, motherfuckers.
Let's show all non-Western cultures for what they really are.
Barbaric behind us by at least half a century.
China is soulless.
They do not see human beings as having any value.
I blame Mao for that, but maybe it's the chicken or the egg.
Russia, disgusting shithole.
Human beings have no value there too.
Death is nothing to Russians.
Fuck Russia.
India, shit everywhere.
Pakistan, murder.
There's genocide in South Africa right now, killing white people because of their race.
Christians being slaughtered all over the Middle East, northern Iraq, churches being burned to the ground.
How many Christians a day die?
250 Christians are killed every day.
Yeah.
Let's bring that multi.
Let me just say that one more time.
250 Christians die every day.
And they're not in Cambodia.
This is almost exclusively North Africa, the Middle East.
A small area.
But twerking is cool.
And you're conservative if you don't want your fucking 12-year-old shaking her ass.
So they sent the GIF?
No, I found this on the bottom right.
They have the two towers being represented there.
And I guess, like, that kind of flashing look there, it kind of looks like explosions.
I get we've seen that.
It's so weak.
It's not the strongest.
That's so weak.
I bet CNN Live does that for all their shit.
They're exemplifying their logo.
The thing is, it doesn't happen before a certain point.
kind of probably worked it up in the back and then Sorry, dude.
I love conspiracy theories as much as an ex-guy, but that reeks.
Yeah, I wanted to believe that in a weird way.
There's his island.
Gayman Island.
Gay Island.
The Gayman Islands.
I don't know.
There's a guy, Taylor Mead.
He was popular in Andy Warhol days, and he used to hang out at Max Fish a lot, which was my bar.
That's where I met my wife.
And he was an old queer.
And one time I said to him, Taylor, I don't have a problem with gays, whatever.
Maybe I didn't even say that part, but I go, the thing I don't get about you guys is you want big dicks.
Now, I get that with women because vaginas stretch, a baby can come out of them.
But my anus, like if I were to put this in there, I'd go, oh, Jesus Lord, or you have a huge shit and you go, ah, that's not comfortable.
If I was gay, I would want my boyfriend to have like this as a penis.
I'd want a basic, my boyfriend would be an Asian baby.
But why would you want like a hulking black schlong up your ass?
It's going to kill you.
It's going to rip your whole rectum to shreds.
And there is a problem.
No one talks about this with geriatric gays and anal, what's the word?
They're anal muscles falling apart.
And it's in my book, Death of Cool, where my gay neighbor, his ass falls apart.
Gaber.
You can't do that to an anus that much.
It's going to rip to shreds.
Not even rip to shreds, just die.
This was my gay neighbors in Montreal.
Hello.
I'm Gavin's neighbor's asshole.
What's going on?
Want to hear me fart?
Okay.
That's what happens to them.
It becomes distended.
So, and then you know what happened to him?
You can look him up at any moment, Taylor Mead, of the Mead Fortune, Mead Paper.
He was a hoarder.
His car had so much paper in it that the axles would grind.
There he is.
The axles would grind as he drove.
So he'd be driving down the East Village and you'd hear because his car had 700 tons of newspaper in it.
And his apartment was floor-to-ceiling newspaper.
Oh, yeah, I remember you talking about this.
His parents made creative paper, which I guess is a coincidence.
I'm not sure.
Anyway, he snaps.
He was always a very quiet guy.
He fucking snaps and he goes, I hate lazy thinking.
I hate lazy thinking.
He keeps repeating that and screaming it.
And he comes to strangle me.
Bouncers drag him out there.
And I went, still don't have an answer to the question.
It's like my buddy Eric deGrasse at the Earl of March High School in Canada, Ontario, when he said to the teacher, why is shit brown?
And he got kicked out of the class.
And this was like 1984.
And I text him sometimes and I'm like, still don't know why shit's brown.
I have theories.
When you mix every color in the rainbow, you usually get brown.
Is that why?
I don't know.
You got kicked out of class.
There's my high school.
So we're at 2 hours and 33.
All right, let's wrap it up.
We've got Jay in line.
Jay, it's a tutor, bro.
What's up, Jay?
Hello.
Hey, man.
Can you hear me?
Yes.
You can't hear me.
Awesome.
I can hear you now.
There's a little bit of an echo.
What's up, Gavin and Emperor of the Fag Zone?
How you doing?
Faggy.
Wait, do you see what happens after the cameras go off today?
It's hump day.
It's going to get crazy in here.
That would make a hell of an exclusive, that's for sure.
The word you were looking for earlier was prolapse.
Anal prolapse, I believe.
Yeah, I'm very familiar with anal prolapse.
That comes from porn stars, get that, but that's from like a session of extensive ass fucking.
Fair.
I'd feel the mayor of the fagzone might want to weigh in on that one, but I don't know.
You want to talk about wolf?
I'm wolf.
Why are you telling a 50-year-old man about an old porn hazard?
Like, I haven't heard of it.
It seemed like you were searching for the word earlier.
I was just trying to help.
No, no, I didn't mean that.
I meant like distended, I think.
Okay, gotcha.
Either way.
My question is about hair loss.
I'm 32, around 25.
I started to lose my hair.
That sucks, dude.
After seven years of self-deception, it's pretty bad.
Pretty bad.
Started in the back and got worse.
And just wanted to kind of get your tips on it.
Should I just go for the full Joe Rogan and just bick it?
Something about that feels like giving up to me.
But I'm open to suggestion.
Right now, it's just kind of high and tight, sort of like yours, but shorter on top.
Do you have any prospects you could put a ring on?
Not at the moment.
Prospects, but not one that I want to put a ring on, that's for sure.
All right, here's my solution, dude.
Start moving, getting serious, getting out there.
Don't beat off.
Don't watch porn.
Get a girlfriend.
Get a ring on it soon.
Women are not attracted to bald men.
When you shave your head like Joe Rogan, they still see the stubble.
I mean, men are getting tattoos of stubble now to pretend that they didn't just shave their head.
So you have a problem.
I wish I didn't know that.
But your options are start rushing.
It's deadline, right?
Hurry, hurry.
Get a ring on it.
If you end up with like a gross bald like Kim Mitchell, you might want to look up Kim Mitchell.
What the fuck?
What a weirdo.
What a weird thing.
That can't be real.
Well, that's him now.
Maybe go 80s.
If you have no prospects and you're getting to Kim Mitchell stages, Kim Mitchell in the 80s, I would consider hair plugs.
I can't believe I'm saying that.
That goes against everything I believe.
But I have a gay friend who has plugs, and they're so good, British guy, that his barber cannot tell.
And that just buys you another 10 years of looking for chicks to marry.
Where do you live?
Okay.
All right.
I live in the Boston area.
Yeah, I don't know if it's the booze talking.
I can't believe I just said that.
But, you know, if you have no prospects and you're gross bald, you can drastically change your odds by getting plugs.
Just going to send it!
I'm shocked I just said that.
I have to look into it.
I mean, I'm not bad outside of the hair thing, but it's certainly, you know, I'm talking to girls, it just kind of feels like I'm wearing like a giant pink t-shirt or something.
It's just blaring out there.
It's always on my mind.
Well, you know, I didn't take it that seriously until recently.
I was talking to a guy who got divorced at my age at 50.
And he's like, dude, there's two worlds in dating at our age.
There's hair and no hair.
And when you're bald, you're in a different universe.
Like you're below.
Some five.
He's like, I have a thick head of hair, and I have like two points higher than any of my bald friends.
Yeah, that's the problem.
I've seen a definite reduction in the last three, four years, especially in terms of the kind of girls that will show interest right off the bat.
Or especially once they see it.
Luckily, I'm tall enough that a lot of girls don't notice it right away.
And how old are you?
Yeah, it's getting bad.
32.
Well, you should have been fucking working on pussy, working on a ring a little earlier anyway, dude.
I agree.
I agree.
All right, so let's get cooking.
And there's your ultimatum.
Thanks for calling.
You know, with these shows, we don't need to say goodbye.
I noticed on Tucker, this drives me nuts.
I actually emailed his producer.
I hate how...
You just recently quit the Get Off My Lawn after endless abuse.
You're filing a lawsuit against Gavin McInnes, founder of Vice and the far-right white nationalist group, the Proud Boys.
Thanks for coming on the show.
And then the guy goes, thanks, Tucker.
Thanks for having me.
As Tucker's starting his question.
So it's like, so you, and as he's going, because there's a bit of a delay after the intro, 1, 1,000, 2, 1,000.
Thanks, Tucker.
Thanks for having me.
And then, so you, well, we're glad you're here.
Anyway, like, just go, that's the guy.
And then, so you're expecting $4 million from this lawsuit.
And then blah, blah, blah.
It's a given that it's thanks for having me.
Yeah.
Like, what's he?
Yo, I'm actually pissed I'm here.
And then when you say goodbye, it's not a phone call.
Don't say goodbye.
Just say to him, like, well, that's the era we live in.
And that's the age of Trump.
Cut.
Right.
End of call.
He doesn't get to say goodbye.
And then just, coming up next, we have a man with six balls.
He has six tuplets when it comes to testicles.
S testicles.
Six texticplets.
Okay, there's no word for it.
Anyway, commercial, please.
Next call.
Oh, you still want to do calls?
Yeah.
How many do we have?
We're running out of card space here.
We got two minutes on the card.
Oh, let's do one last call.
All right.
Dave Botchler Potty.
Dave.
Hey, what's up?
Hey.
Hey, Ryguy, you use a QU16 Allen Heat console, right?
That's correct.
There's a firmware update from last year that does a ducking feature.
Look into that, because the ducking feature allows you to, when Gavin's talking to his microphone, it'll turn, the other microphone will sense that it's a distant sound, and it'll shut your mic off and get rid of that echo cancellation for you.
Do you want to write that down?
Auto ducking?
Look at the ducking feature.
Yep.
Look into the ducking feature.
I have the same console.
And okay, so here's my question.
You guys want to come to my bastard party, man?
Come hang out with some Midwest boys who could like drink a thousand beers, freaking catfish.
I'm married.
I'm 50.
I got three kids.
Why the fuck would I want to travel across the country to go drink with strangers?
I barely want to do that with my friends.
How old are you ends?
How old are y'all bleeps?
39, man.
I'm 39.
Yeah, no.
Maybe.
I find that, I get that question a lot, and I'm like, no.
Like, when I listen to Rolling Stones, not that I'm in their caliber, but I go, I'd like to have a beer with Keith Richards, but it's not like if I contact him, he's going, yeah, man, where are you at?
Anyway, thanks for calling.
I'm just fucking kidding around, you guys.
Email me for your ridiculous concept.
Don't you think that's the thing I should do?
Because if you were my age and you weren't married or tied down, you say yes to everything and you want to travel.
You've never been to the Midwest.
Oh, it sounds cool.
You'd try it, right?
You would do it.
Tell you what, if you fix the audio of this show, I'll pay for it.
In other words, I won't pay for it.
Yeah, I didn't get it.
I started to get excited and then I stopped and then realized.
fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
My heart's a secret reading, move hard and metadata.
With a separate nervous system, that vibrates back to tenants.