Sounds like you pooped your pants three seconds ago.
Nope.
But I'll tell you what, I was a lot more cautious.
And I don't know if you know what this says.
This is a sculpture my wife got me when we were dating before we were husband and wife.
And it says here, please be a fart.
Isn't that funny?
Yeah.
And I was talking to her today, and I had kind of a chortling toot, like a and I kind of ignored it, as one does.
And then I'm talking to her in the kitchen and I go, I think I put my pants.
And so I pull down, I undo my pants, I lower my drawers, and I see fucking yellow bile.
Oh, God.
And I was like, yep.
And the beauty of three kids in 21 years of marriage is I might as well have said I have a sty in my eye.
When you say like, I think I left my hat at the baseball game.
Remember when you said when you fired a blowjob loses its wings?
What happens when you shit yourself?
I know this is crazy, but it's not as bad.
Wow.
That's so weird.
Yeah.
It's like pity.
You get a pity blowjob for that.
Oh, that was a perfect.
No, it's like when you're in bed and you're with your wife and you're just like, roink, it means like, I don't give a shit what you think of me.
And when you have an accident and you poo your pants with a wet fart and this, you're not lucky, it's more like, it's not bad.
I don't know why.
I can't really explain it.
Farting is like wetting the bed.
But before we talk about important matters of the heart or the fart, we want to give a shout out to our homeboys, Johnny Apple CBD.
This episode is brought to you by Johnny Apple CBD.
Johnny Apple CBD is my CBD because they support free speech and they love America.
Isn't it funny how I called this site free speech.tv and got sued and wasn't allowed to say that?
So now we're censored.
Crazy.
Right now, my listeners get 20% off all Johnny Apple CBD products with promo code Gavin.
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And again, the stuff they have.
You have the gummies.
If you have the gummies with coffee, you don't have the edge.
You can have the gummies before bed.
You sleep a lot better.
The tincture also takes the edge off coffee.
Pot has a lot of good stuff besides the THC.
This has all the good stuff.
And I don't know why this works, but the topicals, when you're sore from working out, which I haven't been doing because it's, as the New York Post described, hell week.
It thunderstormed today, so it's 73 degrees in the city right now.
But today was brutal.
It's like you walk out the door and you're in someone's mouth.
You're in their cheeks.
You Puerto Ricans probably love this shit.
It's pretty cool.
It's pretty awesome, right?
That's why you're wearing a sweatshirt.
Yeah, I don't mind it.
I like it.
You like going on a bike ride today in the sweltering sun?
Yes.
Why?
It feels good.
You're like Jim Goad.
It feels like you're alive.
No, it feels like you're wet.
That's why all these countries along the equator haven't done anything because it's too hot to accomplish anything.
I just got back from my son's baseball game.
It got rained out.
I had to jump in my car and drive to the city.
I don't like the city.
I'm scared here now, to be honest.
A, because I've been portrayed as Satan.
So if anyone who's remotely politically active sees me, they're going to stab me.
Like, I was watching the Portland riots and I was thinking, if I just showed up there in a Fred Perry was like, hey, everyone, let's try to take it down a notch.
Trump's got a lot of good qualities.
I wouldn't just be murdered.
I would be like ripped apart.
It would be like the Benghazi murder where they dragged him along the streets.
Like I would just be a torso.
Yeah, that is weird to think about, but that's true.
They'd rip out like chunks of my hair until there was like bald patches.
They'd stab me, punch me.
My face would be like that.
They'd be kicking my unconscious body.
Like it would be fucking dark.
I'd be shot.
It'd be like a scene from Natural Born Killers when his head's on the pipe.
Remember that?
No.
You like shitty movies.
I don't.
It's a famous thing.
So yeah, I'm not comfortable.
I mean, we park in the parking garage, and I gotta admit, my haunches are up when I walk around this city.
But anyway, before that, I went to this bar and something super weird happened.
You ready for this?
You know when you fuck a chick back when you're single and you're like, meh.
And she's sort of, it's just not there.
There's times when the opposite is true.
Like I remember this girl I had zero in common with.
I thought she was an imbecile.
And when we kissed, fireworks.
Dude, it was crazy.
I don't even know if she felt the same way, but all I know is I would kiss her and almost die.
It was Chris Angel.
Wait, that circle is in the actual video?
Did you add that?
That's in the actual video.
Of course, those who are not familiar with the show, that was Chris Angel claiming that he went off a ramp, for some strange reason, went through explosives, and then landed in that cage that was suspended, hanging off a helicopter.
He doesn't explain why he had a seatbelt on, how he got out of the car, which has a roof, and then he opened the door and then went in.
Was it locked?
So with magic, you're supposed to be saying something.
Like, I can make this pen disappear.
Whoops, I'm magic.
So, the subtext is, I guess I just made the atoms vanish.
So, I guess he's saying I separated my molecules, left the car, and then went into a thing.
The helmet and the clothes also, I don't know, like he should be nude in the jail thing, in the cage.
Don't you think?
To get out all of his clothes, yeah.
Yeah.
And bald and backwards.
Backwards.
And his butt should be his dick, and he should have a dick where his butt is.
Anyway, this is weird.
So then later on at the bar, maybe like a week later, you see that same girl.
She's a little pudgy.
And you see her with this guy.
He's usually Hispanic, let's be honest.
And they're having a great time.
And you're sort of, part of you is like, oh, good.
Okay.
So she's doing okay.
But then part of you is sort of going, oh, alrighty.
So I guess we didn't work out and you're moving on.
Alrighty.
Meanwhile, it didn't work.
So I saw that today at my local with a dude.
I had a dude, ex-cop.
We got along pretty good, but not great.
And he said we should go riding.
And we went riding a couple times.
And then the dates sort of spaced out a little more.
And he was at my party, but he's only there for a short amount of time.
And then today I see him at our bar with a new boyfriend.
Unreal.
And it's that guy who's the EMT who thinks he's a biker and has all the patches on his leather vest.
I don't know if you know who I'm talking about.
And he walks with a weird sort of a gait like this.
I think so.
He's a dud.
And I was like, wow, this happens in the straight world.
I'm having a fat chick experience as a 50-year-old man with a dude.
It hurts even more because you're like, dude, I don't even get to bang you.
It's just like the endless date part.
It doesn't hurt.
No, it's just awkward because now this is a guy I've had like five times.
You've probably been to this bar and we've sat together and drank a beer.
He's sitting with his new friend.
And coincidentally, that particular time, Jack was busy and he was drunk from playing golf with those guys.
They were a thing.
And then there was Al who's kind of mentally ill.
So I was kind of alone just looking at infomercials, like on the TV screen.
Oh, man.
That's sad.
I feel bad.
Not for you.
Not sitting with them.
You know what I mean?
Like if you showed up with your friend, I would go, oh, Ryan's here.
And I would walk over and make fun of you or something.
But I can't do that because he's on a date.
Oh, that's so weird.
So it's one thing for a male relationship not to work out, but for the guy to move on and then rub it in your fucking face.
No, but to be at the same location, it's so bizarre.
That is very weird.
I think that as a married man, you still have these sort of instincts, these monogamous instincts, and they have nowhere to go.
So you end up like shunned by a dude.
Or there was that chick at the liquor store that I thought that was very, very friendly.
This is actually an episode of King of Queens, where he thinks the waitress likes him.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And she's super friendly, and she was from Canada too.
And I'd be like, well, it's cold out, but not cold for us.
Canadian t-shirt weather.
Ooh, I'm hot.
Yeah, I'll just get a maker's mark.
Thank you.
She already knows what you want.
And then I would see her talking to other people and also being friendly.
And I'd sort of be like, oh, fucking whore.
How dare you?
You're anyone's dog for a bone?
The fuck?
Just because he has money and wants to be aware of that.
And we're obviously not about to elope.
She's probably married today.
But you just like you have the same instincts you've always had, but they have nowhere to go.
So you're like, my friend is cheating on me with a new friend, and the woman at the liquor store is my girlfriend.
That sounds sad and awkward.
This sounds very good.
It's just weird.
I got a burrito made today, and you want a one-on-one kind of burrito experience?
Jew, one-on-one?
So you sit there with a...
I actually went to a Hasidic Jew Mexican restaurant once with Ron Coleman.
Yeah.
It's all kosher.
That's pretty cool.
It was weird.
No dairy, no sour cream.
Oh, that's a bummer, though.
Anyway, sorry, go ahead.
So I see him down the street because I get some other stuff and I see him again and I just, even him, I give him a nod to.
Hey, what's up, guy who made my burrito?
So you were in a thick level of awkwardness when you're in a bar.
Does that kind of make you want to leave?
Because you can't go up to him after a certain time.
Well, I was lucky because I had the kids' baseball game.
Oh.
So got to go.
You could also say, oh, you're having a drink here.
Why didn't you call me?
And I could say, oh, you have some free time.
Because we had said, let's get a beer.
Did you say, hey?
Oh, yeah.
He said, hey, how you doing?
I saw him at my party.
He's like, how you doing?
Good to see you.
I was like, oh, hey.
So you got a new best pal.
Maybe he saw you at the party talking to other people and being more friendly with them.
No, I think he'd already broken up with me.
The other thing, too, is you think that you dumped someone, but sometimes they dumped you.
And you didn't know it, yeah.
Because he said at his party, he's like, oh, my dog is really sick.
I got to put him down on Monday, so I want to be with him.
I was like, dude, it's Saturday.
And now I think he's just making excuses.
That's terrible.
That's tirable.
That's tiribula.
It's hilarious.
Darman owns live glam makeup.
That's right.
So a friend pointed out also his, due to his eyebrows, suspiciously nice eyebrows.
Maybe he's the gay kid in the video.
Wasn't that his wife's kid?
Yeah, well.
You know, Middle Easterners, whatever he is, they're a little too intense, aren't they?
The nose is out there and the nostrils are in your face, and then there's the stubble and the bucket and the eyebrows.
it's a lot of face.
It's kind of like a parody of a human face.
Yeah, it's like a drawing of a face where someone spent too much time on it.
I feel like we've said all of this before.
One of the things I like about being white is we're just like a nose, some eyes, a little mouth.
Yeah.
Like your face is way too much.
You got like 340 teeth, some big jungle nose.
It's TMI.
You have like four faces.
A lot of teeth.
And that's why you do so well at Halloween, because I just put white makeup on you and people shit bricks.
Because they're like, what is this fucked up weird 32 faces in one face?
Like, show your face.
You got like 90 races.
You're like Fred Armison.
Like, what is that nose?
It looks like the back of a car.
Is it like a bumper?
No, like everything, the entire back of a car.
And then those teeth.
It looks like a teeth sample catalog where here's the different, here's the 340 teeth you can have.
Tell me, just show me some of the ones you like.
And they're like, no, these are all in one face.
My guy do look rather bizarre.
And I don't even know what color, what color is this?
It's not really tanned, is it?
It's like chink pink.
Yeah, it is pink, chink-ish.
It's not yellow.
Just say what I said, but reverse the words.
Express VPN, by the way, has saved our ass.
Because as you know, there's a war against free speech, but also me and anyone who associates with me, anyone who serves me groceries.
In fact, like I joked about serving groceries, but a guy who fixed my computer in my little town got a boycott and he went bankrupt.
That's right.
This is before COVID or anything.
Great guy.
So I have leprosy.
Don't touch me.
But Virgin, I believe, and Sky in New Zealand and Britain had shut us down and parts of Australia.
So even though you were a subscriber, you could not watch the videos.
I think you could if you were somewhere else at an internet cafe, but if you were at a Virgin provider, you couldn't watch the show you had paid to see behind a paywall.
What the fuck is that?
You should be able to see everything but kiddie porn.
Like you can watch the most, like if you're a Nazi and you sign up for some anti-Semitic like Holocaust show, fine.
It's none of my beeswax.
Anyway, that's probably not the best analogy.
But ExpressVPN, since people have signed up for it, has saved their ass and they can watch the show, which by the way, is not a racist or even a far-right show, but it has been deemed as such because we're pro-Trump and pro-cop and that's against the DNC.
We use expressvpn.com slash gavin because expressvpn.com is the best.
We're living in George Willis 1984.
We're being watched.
When you sign up for ExpressVPN, your searches are totally private.
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Incognito mode does not work.
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And we used to think that's just for pedophiles, right?
Or someone who wants to murder their wife.
But we're at a point now where you're getting canceled.
You are getting canceled.
I like to play this game with people where I say, it doesn't work with my phone, obviously, because my contacts are kind of edgy.
But I go pick up your phone, go through your recent calls, and I bet the person or a near relative, a mom, a wife, a son, has had some cancel moment where they did something wrong and someone mistook what they said for the N-word and they're fucked.
It is a disaster.
By the way, to cheer you up, I know you just got broken up with.
And I didn't get you anything physical for your birthday.
I got broken up with a chick I didn't want to fuck anymore, by the way.
This is pretty intense.
I don't know if we can...
I would not read this.
What about the audacity of him coming to my bar after we break up?
This, my friend, is a very special thing.
Now, somebody that I know...
That is the flag that was behind President Donald Trump while he was making the Mount Rushmore speech.
No fucking way.
It's a piece of history.
That was an amazing speech.
Pull it up.
It's an amazing speech.
Was there only one flag or was this one of many?
There was one of many.
Not to dilute the gift.
Thank you very much.
Are you not allowed to say who this is?
No, no.
It's because we're exactly why you just said.
Thanks, stranger.
But yeah, it's...
That's right.
Oh, that's fucking cool.
That's crazy, right?
Thanks.
So, I mean, I did nothing but pass.
Michelle Malkin is the flag expert.
She knows all the rules.
Is it bad for me to put this in front of my house on my flagpole?
I would ask her.
Like, should this go somewhere special?
Isn't it supposed to be in a diamond shape?
I think that's if it's a soldier's.
I said to her once, can I put an American flag sticker on my laptop?
And she goes, I don't think so.
I mean, you're going to be putting coffee on that.
It's going to get dirty.
Anything where the flag gets desecrated, you don't want to do.
Then I checked out her Twitter profile.
And in it, she has a motherfucking American flag as her laptop sticker.
Wow.
And I just said.
Well, maybe it came from experience.
Like, from experience, I regret it.
You know, the time zones are years off.
Under the executive order I signed last week pertaining to the Veterans Memorial Preservation and Regulation.
You know what we love about Trump?
The more shit he gets in, the less cautious he is.
Like you beat a dog and it either starts to go and starts biting people or it just is cowed and he starts biting people.
Like I think just yesterday, maybe it was even today, Biden called him a racist and he goes, I've done more for black people than anyone.
And you think, are you going to say Martin Luther King?
And he goes above Martin Luther King and he goes, Maybe, perhaps Abraham Lincoln, but I've done more for black people than anyone.
Why do you got to stay so hydrated?
Are we doing the mutter rucker fucking thing?
Tough mutter?
Tough mutter.
Like, we're not in Arizona, dude.
It's raining outside.
It's 70 degrees.
Maybe because I sweat a lot because I went out into the bike sun.
You went into the bike, son.
Nice.
Why are you wearing a sweatshirt if you're sweating?
I know this isn't what you want, and I'm sorry.
So Darman owns Live Glam.
Yeah.
And by the way, this.
Somebody made that.
That's nice.
That sucks.
My son is on the cover of a magazine.
You did that.
That looks like your garbage Photoshop.
I did not.
I thought it was pretty funny.
I went to see Natalie Gomez last night.
She was our girl, our friend, fighting in Vegas.
She lost, but it looked great to me.
I'm not good with boxing.
Like, I see them in there.
Unless there's a knockout, I just go.
No, sorry.
I'm fucking up.
Gonzalez.
Okay.
Boxer.
Yeah, she had a big fight in Vegas.
They went eight rounds.
Okay, you win.
There it is.
Oh, good.
It's up.
That's my girl in the green.
This Mexican, this Montreal chick, though.
I mean, these people are just ninjas.
Like, Natalie works at Home Depot.
She's got two kids.
She can only train maybe a couple hours a day.
Sorry, not good enough.
You need to train about five hours a day when you're at this level.
But she got clipped a few times.
I guess she lost.
I was at the bar.
Some guys from my gym said, let's go watch Natalie.
So I go, okay.
One of them goes, I don't know.
He's a beast.
He looks like he's just a monster, right?
And I had an epiphany about him.
Tommy, we call him.
I call him Tommy Fatso.
He's a huge, hulking dude who boxes, so he looks like a murderer and he intimidates people.
So to counter that, he's super nice, but he's too nice.
And I go, Tommy, because he was talking to that dud at my party who always asked, who kept asking, what do you do for a living?
I'm telling you, folks, anyone who talks about their job or asks you about your job is a dud.
It's like the same as astrology.
Just get it the hell out of there.
Because you're having, it's leisure.
Do you want to know what I paid in tax last year?
Should we talk about property tax and capital gains and other unfun shit that I do in the daytime?
It's quiet.
Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.
Anyway, Tommy must have given him 40 minutes of his time.
I was like, you were talking to the worst guy at this entire party.
And it's a very high-quality party as far as dudes go.
There was only two duds.
He's a high-quality guy.
High quality.
High quality.
Great stories.
Grew up in Brooklyn.
Great fight stories about South Brooklyn.
Anyway, I go, you lost your dick.
You're so determined not to be a dick that your dick's gone.
I got to put the dick back in you.
I don't know if it's from behind how I'm going to get it in there.
This sounds very gay.
We got to get the dick back in you because you're wasting your life.
Anyway, he goes, Tommy Fatso, who's a giant, who I've fought a hundred times that he uses maybe 1% of his strength.
And I have AIDS by the end.
And he goes, I don't know.
There's a lot of like hooligans there at that bar.
I go, dude, it's a cop bar.
We'll be with cops.
What's going to happen?
You're going to get stabbed?
So he doesn't come.
And then the guy who set up the night, Sug, guess what happened to him?
He got too high on edibles.
These are guys my age, by the way.
So he gets to the front door and then he sees the sign that says must have a mask.
Meanwhile, they have tons of masks in there.
You walk in, they give you masks.
And he goes, oh, I don't have a mask.
Oh, fuck.
I could ask for one, but everyone's going to know I'm stoned.
He went home.
Oh, man.
Luckily, I was with the awesome cop dude who had great stories.
Dude, our neighborhood, well, I should say the neighborhood my bar is in, I mean my gym, there was a shooting last night.
Two nights ago, there was a hammer attack.
This is in New Rochelle.
There was a hammer attack.
While the guy was getting pounded with a hammer, another dude was standing with his gun sideways going, step back, step back.
What?
You're going to let this happen.
Made sure there was no one interrupting the hammer attack.
Whoa.
No news.
They'd rather show you some moms in Portland singing kumbaya.
Dude, New York is on fire.
What was there the other day?
In the past nine days, it's been 114 shot?
Something like that, yeah.
I forgot it was a tweet that I saw because it's I don't know if you can get those figures.
That's like 10 shootings a day.
That connected.
Um over July 4th.
Yeah, that's nothing.
It's gotten way worse since then.
July 4th was 100 years ago.
40 people shot and killed, did it say?
Or shot?
40 people were shot and three killed.
That's nothing.
That's kiddy winks.
Tiddlywinks.
Early July.
Also in the news, I forgot to number these, but Michael Graves, ex-Misfits front man, not Danzig, has been canceled.
And I saw this article by Christian Long.
Now, remember Justin Long?
He's in a bunch of movies.
I think he was the Mac guy when there was the Mac and PC commercials.
Now, when I did commercials with Rooster, we had an ad agency and Rooster Worldwide, we were called.
We hired Christian Long, not Justin Long, but his brother Christian Long.
Is that the same?
This better not be the same, Christian Long.
Anyway, he writes that Michael Gray's, what's the article say?
Misfits alum, Michael Grays, ripped for joining Proud Boys' hate group and supporting Donald Trump.
And then he goes, Proud Boys are known for their white nationalist, anti-Muslim, and anti-Semitic rhetoric memes.
Bad memes at the end.
Now, this is what the SPLC says.
They go, they share Nazi memes.
They just mean spicy jokes.
So they dare to share rude jokes and maintain affiliations with known extremists.
I don't, what does that mean?
Like you maintain an affiliation with David Duke?
How do you maintain an affiliation?
Members of the group have previously appeared alongside other hate groups at extremist gatherings, namely Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, North Carolina back in 2017.
Yes, there were three dudes there.
They were all kicked out.
They didn't know what the fuck it was.
Lots of people didn't.
And by the way, Unite the Right was initially pitched as a save the statues rally.
And people said, I don't know, this taking down statues thing, it could lead to trouble.
That's not looking so crazy now, is it?
Now, I believe it's a lie.
And I think they pretended it was about statues, but they ultimately had a Nazi plan with Jews will not replace us and the Tiki torches and all that.
But I believe it was a Fed move.
I think they said, let's suck in everyone remotely right-wing into this rally, pretend it's about statues, turn it into a Nazi thing.
Hopefully someone like Heather Heyer will die and a bunch of people will get arrested.
We'll have the cops not do anything and we can just turn, just push everyone on the sort of right off a Nazi cliff.
That's what I believe happened.
The guy behind it, Jason Kessler, told me personally that he's not alt-right.
He lied, and I called him out on my show for that.
And he was an Occupy Wall Street guy.
He voted for Obama.
I don't really buy that he went violently right-wing in a few years.
I think he's a fed.
And it was always funny at Proud Boy meetups when we'd suspect guys were feds because we don't sit there burning crosses and stuff.
We read from Pat Buchanan's Death of the West.
We air our gripes.
It's exactly like Knights of Columbus meetings.
I can't tell you about, but you could probably guess.
There's nothing drastic going on.
And we always joke that the feds who show up will probably report to their boss and go, yeah, it's slot deeper than I thought.
I'm going to have to stay around.
Like you just drink beers with cool dudes once a month and make fart jokes.
So it's probably the greatest gig, especially if you're like infiltrating the pagans or the hell's angels or the Mongols, and you know at any moment someone's going to find out and pop a cap in your head.
Head?
Pop a cap in your head?
What was that?
I can't believe I just said pop a cap in your head.
Yeah.
I'm 50.
That was old.
That was the oldest thing you've ever seen.
I shit my pants two hours ago and I said pop a cap in your head.
We might be able to talk to Mike Mikhail Graves.
Is it Mikhail or Michael Graves?
Yeah, we should have him on the show.
You don't mean tonight, do you?
Let me see.
Let's not complicate the show.
Okay.
So post-roll, we're about to go behind the paywall now.
Post-roll, we're going to plug the Blades movie, Real Awakening, at realawakening.com.
This episode was brought to you by Blades, the movie from RealAwakening.com.
Check out the comedy Blades at realawakening.com.
These guys support censor.tv, so we support them.
Realawakening.com, check out the movie Blades.
What's the URL to see that?
RealAwakening.com slash Blades.
And Real is R-E-E-L.
Yes.
Like a movie reel.
Bunk in the nuts.
Good deke.
Oh no.
He's getting it.
And then when we do the callers, which will be at 10 p.m., two pairs of Heshi socks.
Go to HeshiWear.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off.
And then the second caller else also gets two pairs of fucking socks.
Can you believe that?
All right.
We're going to look at some funny videos, including Johnny Depp doing a bad zombie dance.
But you can't see it because you don't pay.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Now I have to go get those.
I'm out of the way she says, hey, what's the hurry that's driving more slow?
More surged dreads from her edible legs.
Now she looks into her eyes and is quick to realise that it better pull over before it gets too dark.
Cause if you really want to, now the time is why.
Freeway, riding down the freeway.
You know what's weird about being old?
You can, you'll just be like sitting in the car or something or in your living room, and you'll just play a song in your head.
Oh, yeah.
I know this song perfectly.
Plum dumb.
I've been listening to it all week in my head.
Is it where you hear the drums and the instruments, like, and it sounds exactly like the recording?
What is that?
That's amazing.
I don't play trombone, and then there's drums and guitar and vocals going on at the same time.
And when I look at my records, when I'm thinking about playing a record, which is usually when I'm drunk, because I don't normally feel inclined, I'll pull out the record and I can just hear the whole thing.
Just looking at it.
I'm like, oh, this is Dead Milkman, Big Lizard in my backyard.
I know Big Lizard in my backyard.
I know Plum Dum.
I know Bitching Camaro.
And I can just hear the whole song.
That's bananas.
It's weird, man.
It's real weird.
Um...
What else should we talk about?
Let's look at this Johnny Depp doing a zombie dance.
So Johnny Depp is down on his luck.
He's going through a divorce with Amber Heard.
And he's anyone's...
This is for the very last thing on our links.
So now he's doing a local news thing where he's agreed to dance as Thriller, and he's not even the main attraction of this thing, and he clearly has not rehearsed with them.
As promised, our undead friends from the Sacramento zombie walk are going to take on Thriller.
Take it away, guys.
The aborted baby on the miscarriage, I guess.
Look at him.
And he's staring at the black guy the whole time, figuring it out as he goes.
He's always going up and down with his weight, too.
Yeah, now he's fat.
Like, this was the Pirates of the Caribbean.
He was Hunter Thompson.
Oh, this back then?
No, no.
I'm saying I'm only for IMDB.
This is from very recent.
Well now he's gotta add this to his...
Like, was seen on local Good Day.
Maybe that.
The cameraman's kind of fucking up too.
Like if someone, if Johnny is that...
Hehehehe.
Right.
The green dude.
The green dude.
Why are you doing this?
Like, why are any of you doing this?
Are they all bombs?
Is it to promote maybe like a haunted house?
Wait, is it over?
No.
It's just a pajani.
Look at Depp.
I don't want to take away the attention from the other dancers.
I don't want to steal the show.
11 a.m.
What the fuck was that?
I don't know.
I guess that's when the show's over.
When I turn around and I go like that, or where's the room going?
Ooh, Kimo Sobe?
Ha, ha, ha We're in a light night And no one's gonna say He was in, he was a method.
I'm sure he went method for this too.
I'll get you.
You'll get you over here.
We won't get too close.
I'm dead.
He really sucks at dancing.
He's like a deadbeat dad.
I hear your dad hasn't paid any child support.
What's he doing now anyway?
Oh, he does a lot of interesting stuff.
He works with these zombie guys.
He was on TV the other day doing like a thriller.
They reenacted thriller perfectly.
I don't think they did.
He has double-breasted pants.
Zombies don't have pleated pants.
Well, I'm not a zombie.
I wasn't a zombie before, you see.
The Native Americans took me in.
Is it possible Johnny Depp's overrated?
What's he ever done?
Donny Brasco I just saw the other day.
Amazing.
It's really good.
It's before he did all this stuff.
Like Edward Scissorhands, you didn't have to do any acting.
You just went, oh, oh, I'm a monster.
What the fuck?
So that's not talented.
And then, yeah, look.
Then someone adds a little sculpture at the end.
It's all faces.
He's not doing anything.
A lot of faces.
She is so hot in that movie.
That doesn't count.
His Hunter S. Thompson sucked.
Hunter S. Thompson is never good.
Bill Murray did a terrible job of him.
And Johnny Depp was, he kind of ruined Hunter Thompson.
Hunter Thompson is one of a kind.
Paris suite at once.
We'll be in the bucket.
That movie blew chunks.
Also, by the way, I think Hunter S. Thompson's a fucking liar.
He's like, I'd wake up in the morning and I would do a gram of cocaine, have four vodkas, then I'd have three Kwaludes.
And you're going, then you'd sleep for nine hours?
Has anyone done three fucking Qualudes, you liar?
Then I'd do four hits of acid.
No, you didn't.
Yeah, look at this list.
This is a lie.
Drops acid at 10 p.m.
So you were up all night.
Yeah, it's just an endless life.
11.30 cocaine.
Yeah.
And so what happened from 11.30 p.m. to 11, what is that?
12.45 a.m.
Well, the biggest gap, 12.45 to 6 a.m.
Then he writes, I think, right?
Yeah, no.
No, he doesn't write then.
Now, you drink half a bottle of booze and all bets are off.
But yeah, so Hunter S. Thompson, that was lame.
Then he was that dumb Indian.
Then he was the Lone Ranger.
Or was it the Indian?
He was the Tonto.
That was just Edward Scissorhands again.
Oh, what?
I don't know what's going on here.
I'm an Indian Where am I?
What's this now?
Hey, hold it back there.
In an interview, he was like, when we played Cowboys and Indians, I always wanted to be the Indian.
Never wanted to be the cowboy.
Oh, how cool.
I think he's a liar when it comes to he never watches his movies, too.
How the...
I wouldn't watch his movies.
I don't watch his movies as it is.
No, he said he's never seen his own movies.
Oh, great acting.
You've got my leg.
Oh, that's where he got the thriller movies from right there.
Yeah, that's him practicing the thriller.
He's not acting.
How is this good?
How much does that guy weigh?
Look at the giant hole he dug in the ground being dragged.
Okay, so Donny Brasco he's good in?
Oh, yeah.
Forget Donny Brasco.
Yeah, he's an undercover.
This is a real story.
By the way, guys, when you hear Ryan go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ignore it.
What do you mean?
He has the worst taste in the world.
So it's not like I'm going to be disproven now.
It was good.
This is a great scene.
They go to a Japanese restaurant.
He's an undercover FBI agent.
And so he's got the wire in his shoe.
You know, the recorder in his shoe.
Okay.
And they tell him, you have to take off a shoe.
And he's like, I'm not taking off my fucking shoe, man.
And what he comes up with on the spot, and this is based on a true story, so this, I have to look into if this specific thing did happen.
But he says, basically, he makes a whole scene about not taking off his shoe.
Do you want to take orders from a fucking jap?
You set that up with this big crazy story, and then he didn't want to take off his shoe, and then you just go, and then he didn't want to take off his shoe.
No, no, no, here's the punchline.
Oh, you're going to show it.
Let the movie do it, yeah.
Okay.
An orphanage because my old man was killed down there in Okinawa.
Orders from a fucking jap.
Listen, I had to grow up in an orphanage because my old man was killed down there in Okinawa, alright?
You think I'm gonna take my shoes off for this fucking prick?
No, I ain't doing it.
That's when they should be like, you're a fed.
Show us your shoe.
I'm afraid it's necessary.
Listen, uh...
I'm afraid is necessary.
Neither are the rest of us, okay?
So why don't you just give us a table before I smack you?
You must take off your shoes.
That's basically it.
I hate that rule.
That's like the best, I think, his acting in the movie.
That was terrible, Ryan.
And that was two seconds.
He was better.
I think I've made a major discovery here on the show, and you learned it with us, folks at home.
Johnny Depp sucks.
He's not good at anything.
He's just a hunk.
He's a himbo.
You know, this is one of the odest himbos.
He's one of the odest himbos.
Movies and stuff, I mean, and I've been through some weird ones.
You know, director will try and, you know, get tidbits of your life, your past, whatever.
And it's just a hot chick.
He's just a stupid hot chick.
He's a bimbo.
Yeah.
He's a himbo.
He's a himbo.
I told you about that himbo I met the other day, right?
I walk up, there's all these kids playing in the pool.
One of them is an 18-year-old hunk, and it's pouring with rain.
I go, guys, what the hell are you doing?
You're going to get soaked out here.
All the kids go, I get it.
And then the himbo is standing there in the pouring rain in the pool going, what?
It's like, you're a curse, dude.
It's still a thing.
Attractive people are stupid.
I'm the only exception.
I like his nicknames for DiCaprio.
He calls him pumpkin head.
That's not funny at all.
There's nothing pumpkin heady about Leonardo DiCaprio.
He's got a big head.
Not really?
It's got a big square head.
I've always noticed that.
You suck.
You suck.
You like him.
You're into DiCaprio.
Yeah.
No, he's got a big head.
It's pumpkin shaped.
You want to see a funny video?
Yeah.
I don't know if you.
This is going to be pretty tedious, but this was a British Black Lives Matter thing.
This is the first link I sent you.
Tommy Robinson put this out, and it's just like, it's all the bullshit we're hearing every day, just all crammed into one speech.
And the fact that it's a rich white kid at a British Black Lives Matter thing, like there's police brutality against blacks in Britain, which there is not.
There's not enough police brutality in Britain.
That's the problem with Britain.
Knife attacks, acid attacks, going to someone's house because they had a rude Facebook post.
Like the British police are so fucking castrated, they're worse than my shitty dog.
But this is all fashion now.
Look at this guy.
What is he?
1% black?
You can't talk about education and you can't talk about black issues and LGBT issues and exclude them as if they're some individual issue.
You need to be looking at this using intersectionality.
This is, they now have their mantra down to almost like a hit song.
And the way they talk about intersectionality and how everything is related, they're just regurgitating these fucking tedious talking points that no one's looked up.
Like have some scientific due process with all this and prove to me that intersectionality exists.
You know?
Like we can always prove, like when I say proud boys aren't violent, I say, here's the proof.
We don't go to their things.
They come to our things.
Mark Bray had his Antifa handbook book tour.
No Proud Boys Ever Went.
I'll give you an example.
Oh, more guns, less crime.
Look at Paloma, Texas.
It's got the highest density of guns in the country and the lowest crime in the country.
Like you can test it out.
A word that, you know, it's thrown around, but what does it really mean?
It means recognizing that there is one common enemy, the white man.
It's so lazy that it's a parody.
And the systems that they use are capitalism, patriarchy, and fascism.
They were created and perpetuated by white men for white men in the interests of white men.
Okay, just pause.
So capitalism, patriarchy, and fascism were all invented by white men for white men.
So why is it if you are black or if you're white and you kill a black man, you go to jail?
Is that not a thing?
Or what about if you rape a woman and you go to jail?
What if a black man rapes a black woman, he goes to jail?
Is that part of the patriarchy?
In fascism in white countries, it's the white government oppressing the white people of that country.
I would love to have him on the show.
What is fascism?
But it's a waste of time.
I just saw this thing.
I put it up on parlor where they were interviewing people on the street.
Don't lose that link.
I'll get it.
And they had a black cop.
I've actually met the guy.
I think I had him on my show back in CRTV days.
And they were talking about cops and how many unarmed black men do you think have been shot in LA?
And they're all like, hundreds, hundreds.
And I was just saying, it's a total waste of time.
Was it this guy?
Yeah.
So they end up blowing all these people's minds, these LA vapid himbos and bimbos.
And they blow their minds with like, no, police brutality isn't a thing.
No, America's not racist.
Do you think it sunk in?
Do you think they left that going, well, I can't wait to tell my friends?
No, they recalibrated.
Like, go up to a goth chick and say, you know, if you're really into death, you could just kill yourself.
And you don't want to die.
You just sort of like the aesthetic of being a fake vampire.
And they would go, oh, thanks.
I never thought of that.
And then they're back to goth an hour later.
You guys could say anything about it.
It's a habit.
I mean, I really do.
I really wouldn't know what to say because I feel like they're so set in their ways that it's just hard to persuade.
Why can African-American people, like, why can I get away with things that some people can't?
Like, how am I less threatening than someone else, you know?
I don't know.
Punch me in the face as hard as you can while I read a magazine.
A magazine?
Threatening than you are.
Like, I don't, it doesn't make sense.
So he is.
You don't remember a time where that giant black man is more threatening than you?
Let's do a punch-a-thon.
Same reason I wouldn't watch you play football, lady.
Pop.
Actually, I wouldn't.
And so if you guys had any questions about anything, he would love to answer anything.
Do you think the system is racist?
Like, in America?
That's what I mean.
No, I don't think the system is racist.
There's no law in the books that's against black people, right?
I mean, do you know of any laws that says this is a law for black people and then everybody else don't have to abide by that?
And therefore, there's no laws for police officers to enforce that are racist.
You know what I'm saying here?
It's not going to stick.
Yeah, they're not blowing any minds.
These people are, they're not doing it because they believe it.
They're doing it because it's fashion.
So that guy that we just showed, I'd like to get back to him.
He might as well be saying, okay, so it's called punk rock, and it's essentially about rebelling against the system.
And when you are punk, you have no rules.
You are an anarchist, and you're basically sick of like the dinosaurs of rock, like Emerson, Lake, and Palmer or whatever.
It's saying anyone can do it.
You know, it's very basic rips.
It's very simplistic music, and it's a way to empower the people.
Okay, you guys.
He's telling you about a subculture.
Interests of white men.
And once we realize that we're all fighting the same fight, it just strengthens the army.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
Imagine if we all realize and came together and grouped together.
Now, obviously, fighting these issues and addressing them all requires different methods.
The way that you approach and change racism is going to be different than how you look at homophobia.
And we understand that.
How about homophobia amongst the black community or Islam?
Can we look at that?
You can't just be out fighting for your own issues.
So I'm just going to give you a few things that are happening outside of the country that I really, really suggest you all go and look at and educate yourself on if you're not already.
Find a petition, sign them.
We need to address the situation in Yemen.
The 20 million people, mostly children, are living in extreme poverty and hunger and mountains.
Wait, what?
Children in other countries matter, but not abortive.
Isn't Yemen Muslims terrorizing their people?
Why is that my problem?
What did I ever do?
What the fuck's going on in Yemen?
That's white men?
Ooh, by the way, we're on Roku.
Oh, yeah, we're on Roku, guys.
Huge.
Yemen is Muslims being tortured and tormented and starved to death by Muslims.
What the fuck did I ever do?
Am I the bad guy?
I don't even know where it is.
Pretty cool.
Where is it?
It's in fucking...
It's like next to Africa.
It's next to Ethiopia.
It's at the bottom of the Middle East.
Friggin...
What did I...
Woo!
Thank you.
What did I ever do?
Our boy Lar on the cover of that.
I haven't seen him in a long time because I can't go to the gym.
Did he dump you?
That would be weird.
That would hurt.
That would hurt me.
Actually, let me give you an example.
So, Larry and I yelling at each other, saying, I'll knock you out, bitch.
Suit up, suit up.
You want to move around?
I'll knock you into next week.
We're the loudest guys at the gym, and we go back and forth with that.
If I was gone for a week and I came in, and he had this black dude that he was yelling at.
That's terrible.
Yeah, that's terrible.
Yo, I'll knock you into next week too, Larry.
And Larry just sort of went.
I would genuinely hurt my family.
Oh, that's sad.
Wait, why are you green?
Think about blue.
Why?
Because Daba D, Daba Die.
That's you being funny?
That's like funny?
Just a little shaking up.
Casual Wednesday.
Oh, you suck so much.
Shit, it's amazing.
Only been worsened by the coronavirus crisis.
We need to look at Palestine.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, go back.
Go back.
So Yemen is my fault, but the coronavirus is white men.
i'm watch this yet the bars and croissants means i don't go outside recently in extreme poverty hung out malnutrition was a loss and by the credit of ours adding croissants needs to look at palestine Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Yemen is in worse shape because of coronavirus.
I got to look this up.
It's sort of like that TikTok video that we were talking about where the teacher made her class watch a TikTok video about all the places that England's invaded.
Argentina, Honduras, Brazil.
And I don't, like, let's prove it.
Yemen COVID.
Yes, Yemen hunger crisis accelerating under COVID-19, according to Relief Web, who I assume is, yep, they're linked to these NGOs that could benefit from more money.
Boston intensive care unit in Yemen spends 10 days in a COVID-induced coma after being misdiagnosed with dengue fever.
Of course, it's got problems.
It's in hell.
Thousands of Yemenis flee COVID-19 hotspots.
Yemen faces perfect storm of hunger amid the coronavirus outbreakbreak.
What the fuck ever?
I feel like I'm a doad.
I want to make it very clear that I don't give a fuck about Yemen.
If it disappeared, if it blew up tomorrow, if it fell into a sinkhole, I would go...
I feel like it's a booger.
And someone said, Gavin, are you listening?
I just said Yemen fell into a sinkhole.
And I might say, is that possible?
Could that possibly happen here, like in North America?
Could New York?
No, New York's made of, it's bedrock.
So there's no sinkholes.
Okay, yeah.
Never happened in the States.
That was perfect.
I think it was like three days ago, every map, whether it's iPhone, Android, Google, have removed Palestine from the maps.
So Palestine is still...
Is that true?
Well, first of all, Palestine isn't a place, but let's look it up.
Israel.
Israel maps.
Why is Palestine on a Google Maps?
I don't know, because it doesn't exist?
Because it's a made-up place?
You got Jordan.
I see what you mean.
So this is white men's fault?
Wait a minute.
Israelis and Palestinians are probably genetically exactly the same.
Like, I bet if you were to scrape their DNA, a Palestinian and an Israeli, and put it in a petri dish, I bet you wouldn't be able to tell which was a Jew and which is an Arab, their religions.
So why is it my fault that a fucking shithole made of people whose only job really is to is to antagonize Israelis?
Why is it my fault that they're not on a fucking map?
And what the fuck has this got to do with Black Lives Matter?
This intersectionality is...
He's saying it's all one problem caused by the same peeps.
What else has this dumbass got to say?
Still there, okay?
Palestine is not gone.
As much as Israel wants to take over everything, as much as America is funding them, and that's his issue on its own.
We need to address the fact that, you know, all of these groups of people, the issues they face, it all comes from the same people, white men.
So we need to get rid of them.
Okay, cool.
Hey, let's eat them.
You're wearing puma.
You have a microphone in your hand.
You're using a speaker.
You're wearing tartan pants.
You have glasses on.
You dyed your hair blonde.
If you get rid of these people that you hate so much, you're going to have fuck all.
You loser.
Just be a floating brain.
God.
I wish we could get him on the show.
A new Gatsukoto.
You'd probably say we're trying to rape him.
Have we talked about the Tucker thing?
No.
He tied me to a chair.
He changed in front of me.
And then he said, come to my hotel room.
So you hear that and you go, fuck, dude.
What are you doing?
How'd you tie her to a chair?
Like with ropes?
Well, I was on his show.
And when you're on a show, they have a mic and then they put the cord down and then you have an earpiece and they're both connected to this little vocal box that's attached to a chair.
So you kind of feel tethered.
Oh, so you're not tied.
You have a microphone on.
And if you were to just walk up and get away like this, you would, I guess, maybe damage the maybe damage the mini, the jack, a little bit.
Or probably not.
It just come undone.
So that's tied down.
Changing in front of me is when he was done with the interview, he took off the blazer that he wore on the show and he wore a more casual blazer that he was waiting to go out to a Fox News party.
Like Mr. Rogers used to do.
That's changing in front of me, right?
And the come up to my hotel room was boring banter of her just going, of him going, yeah, I got to go to this Fox News Christmas thing party.
I'd rather not.
I mean, my family's in D.C. I'd rather be with my family, to be honest.
That's him saying, I'm alone in my hotel room.
Come to my hotel room.
And the final piece of proof is that she's a 3.9.
This looks like a guy.
She just got caught today, by the way.
That's a dude.
Tweeting maybe four or five months after this alleged change rape that he's always been very polite to her and she has no problems with him.
Whoops.
Like, delete your fucking...
And part of her proof that he tried to rape her is that she was never invited back on the show after the incident.
Yeah, because you're retarded.
Look her up.
I forget the exact.
Jesus, that's a very unfortunate, weird, slothy bird face.
Look at the what?
Look at her appearance on Twitter.
I vaguely remember it.
On Tucker?
Yeah.
I just remember him.
I think she was like, she was doing something where she was defending some really absurd PC thing.
You're going to get stuck in a quagmire of these allegations.
Very difficult allegations.
Of course.
But I remember seeing her on.
You know how they always get one who's defending some dumb policy like free trophies for everyone?
About sexism while you're sitting right now in Manhattan.
Manhattan.
We need to rename the city then.
That was a joke.
Oh, come on, asshole.
The big apple.
The big apple would be less offensive.
A writing guy to Purdue.
So I feel that I'm sitting in the big apple, not Manhattan.
Okay, but why stop there?
Why should the post office deliver mail?
I know.
Well, it's M-A-I-L, so that's okay.
If it's M-A-L-E, then there's a problem.
Commonyms count, and this applies to email too, because it's not about spelling, it's about being gender inclusive.
Mail is offensive.
We've just learned that.
well, no, I don't think they're including that, but they are saying that society has changed and times are changing, and we don't want to be offensive in our language.
And they're trying to be non-sexist and non-biased, and that means trying to take the word man out.
So instead of man-made, it would be synthetic.
So instead of male man, it would be male carrier.
So there's many ways to go around it.
Instead of humanity, you should say people.
Male carrier still has mail in it.
It's kind of a fake.
Oh, but that's a judge.
A package carrier.
This is why I don't want liberals on the show.
They always have the same one argument, too.
Her argument there is that their intentions are good.
A, I don't believe you.
I think they want to control people's minds.
They want to control the way people think.
And B, no.
Don't call it Budweiser because a few people don't like the word Bud.
Just call it Wiser.
Babeweiser.
No, I'm not doing that.
Instead of mankind, man cruel.
And they always go, it's not that hard.
Like, a lot of people get offended if you don't brush your teeth three times a day.
You brush your teeth once a day.
Why not just add two times?
It's not that hard.
Yeah, no.
No, just because the idea you've come up with isn't a major change, like the mask shit.
It's just a mask.
Put on a mask.
No.
I listened to you for a while.
I'm not doing it anymore.
That tie is really nice, isn't it?
Yeah, a little Christmasy.
She was on again for the cry closets.
And they call her the liberal special country.
Wait, let me see.
College students tend to get stressed out by finals.
And if you're attending the University of Utah, you have an option.
It's called the Cry Closet.
The closet is a creation of an art student called Nemo Miller, and it exists for stressed-out students who can step into it for up to 10 minutes of crying to help cope with the tests.
The closet interior includes fuzzy stuffed animals for maximum coping.
The question is, is it time to go national with this?
Weeping wardrobes erected across this fragile country.
Only one woman can make the case for that, and she is, of course, Kathy Aru, the founding publisher of Catalina magazine and our liberal Sherpa.
Kathy, it's great to see you tonight.
Yeah, good to see you.
So at first glance, this seems a little confusing because college, of course, is the least stressful place.
Tucker married his high school sweetheart.
He's barely fucked anyone but her.
He's not the kind of guy who fucks some 3.9s.
But what was she the managing editor of?
Catalina Magazine?
Let's see here.
Looks like she was the cover of 3 magazine.
I found that.
No, just go back to how she was introduced.
Oh, okay, gotcha.
Catalina?
The closet is a creation of national with, and she is, of course, Kathy Aru.
The fucking across this fragile country.
Only one woman can make the case for that.
And she is, of course, Kathy Aru, the founding publisher of Catalina Magazine.
Founding publisher of Catalina Magazine.
What the fuck is that?
What's her name again?
God, she's so ugly.
Let's see.
They don't have her name there.
Like, she's so hideous.
Kathy Ariu.
Kathy, and then A-R-What?
A-R-E-U.
Founding.
I guarantee you this magazine is dead.
Guarantee.
Catalina magazine.
Let's look up Catalina Magazine.
How is Catalina Magazine?
Uh, here we go.
It's founded by a Latina journalist to break the stereotypes of Hispanics in the U.S. And how's it doing now?
So she's probably remotely like what's Hispanic about her?
I bet like her dad is ate a taco once.
Yeah, her dad is like part Peruvian or something.
She has two daughters that contracted COVID-19?
Fuck?
That's weird.
Alright, Catalina Magazine.
Is it still going?
Nope.
Catalina Magazine, buy this domain.
The domain Catalina Magazine may be for sale by its owner.
Did I not call that?
You're welcome.
Oh my.
Her relp, her whelp, her Yelp thing.
Somebody says, Miss Aryu is a loser and wants to be a TV celebrity, empty head, loser all the time.
She needs to go to LA and clean up the human waste on the sidewalk from all the homeless.
She loves to hate the.
That's a retarded comment, Ryan.
Why are you reading it?
I don't know.
It's funny.
No, it's not.
It's dumb.
All right, let's look at the mailbag.
Oh.
Oh, wait, what's this?
Hi, I'm Tasha Docefield, and I am doing a video response on this magazine.
I'm sorry for mispronouncing your last name.
On her outbursts on the O'Reilly factor.
You want me to pull that up?
What?
What I'm looking at?
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess it's not a very good TV show to just have me looking at videos.
I said Kathy Are You Response O'Reilly.
No, responding to Kathy Are You from Catalina Magazine.
God, she lives in a fucking dive.
She's probably in Mexico, but she has pretty good.
This is Natasha Garcia.
Yeah, that's it.
Hi, I'm Natasha Garcia, and I am doing a video response on Miss Kathy Araru from Catalina Magazine.
I'm sorry for mispronouncing your last name.
On her outbursts on the O'Reilly factor last week Friday for her outburst on former Governor Sarah Palin for her recent banking in of $12, I believe, $12 million from speaking at tea party rallies.
Ms. Kathy from Catalina Magazines.
I did not like your outburst on how you said that now Miss Palin has banked in $12 million from speaking at the tea party conventions now that she doesn't have her Walmart.
Basically, mom image, you know.
You kind of stated that you think she's drinking champagne and eating caviar.
Caviar.
My question to you is, how can you say that on Mr. O'Reilly's show?
Basically, you just went on his show and just stating your opinion.
You weren't stating a fact.
And I got a question for you.
Just because Miss Palin has money, what, she cannot relate to the small people?
We have to look at it that way.
You kind of just made a stereotype effort.
Now that's what I'm saying.
Thanks, YouTube.
We can finally hear what women have to say about stuff.
Jesus Christ, that was fucking pathetic.
Should we do a couple letters before we get into the calls?
Sure, sure.
Sure.
Sure.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's male back with us with us.
I'm jumping ahead to Wyatt Perkins here.
He did as a drawing.
I'm obviously a few episodes behind, but, and he's drawn us a picture of Marks with the word daddy issues.
This is just the subject is art.
Uh-huh.
628 p.m.
I've noticed this a lot with our viewers.
They send us shitty drawings and think that they're good.
I've noticed this with Brian.
I think the millennials, Zoomers, whatever you want to call them, they're doing great for self-esteem, a little too good.
Wyatt, your drawing sucks.
You can't draw.
You draw like a girl.
You are not talented.
Now, should you keep trying?
Maybe.
There might be some potential in there.
That's why you have to water a plant with water, not poison.
But probably not.
You should probably just give up.
You have to encourage the young man.
No.
That's the problem.
Well, what are the positives in it?
Here's a fresh letter right out of the gate.
You ready for this?
Firstly, it's called Your Shirt is Gay.
Firstly, why in the world is there a plane on your shirt?
There's many planes on my shirt, sir.
Also, your right sleeve has balls in a penis with devastating Peyroni's disease and whose tips got sliced into.
This is clearly someone who's drunk and is emailing drunk from his phone, watching the show live right now.
Next, Gavin and Mr. Radzone this past weekend were having a barbecue with a family who had recently moved in next door and all was going well.
And then the dad, who was on call, got a phone call, nervously left midway through.
Pretty normal, right?
But get this.
He's a fucking veterinarian.
He's on call every single weekend.
Does he belong in the Gay Hall of Fame?
The worst part is he was all proud and sort of expecting us to be, oh, wow, look at you.
You're leaving your wife with three kids and a dog and a cat to go save some parrot whose penis was shredded in a fan.
What a great dude.
They also have a giant black dog who literally looks like Big Ed.
This letter sucks.
But wait a minute.
Oh, we were having a barbecue.
Okay.
You suck, dude.
Don't ever write into the show again.
This is a letter from Tom.
He's got an article from The Root, and it says how many slaves landed in the U.S. And it doesn't work.
That might be because you're clicking on it, though.
Sometimes you have to select the whole thing and then paste it.
No.
No one reads the root.
No one takes the root seriously.
It's just a silly website that makes illiterate black people feel better about themselves.
It's not an action.
No one's ever quoted the root.
You'll never see a discussion or an interview where they go, it says here, according to the root, blah, blah, blah.
Oh, I got it.
As much as you can shit on things like Breitbart and Daily Wire, people do say, well, according to Daily Wire, you blah, blah, blah.
Amazing fact about the Negro.
How many Africans were taking the United States?
We know this.
It's 320,000.
This one says 388,000.
A tiny percentage.
Thanks for the update, dude.
Johnny Depp doesn't completely suck at acting.
Wow, we're getting live letters here.
Dear Gavin and occupant of the fag zone, I concur with your point that Johnny Depp is overrated.
Nevertheless, every now and then, you'll find a needle in a haystack.
In Depp's case, it is the film from hell.
Oh, from hell.
Made in 2001.
He plays a detective in London asked to catch Jack the Ripper, or that a Jack the Ripper type.
Of course, the trailer's going to be smoking hot.
Sometime this evening, a bangtail was murdered in George Yard.
That doesn't sound much heavy, ordinary.
It was the way she was done, Inspector.
It was the way that she was done that cries out for a man of your talent.
He can foresee the victims.
I saw her.
I saw her face.
Your vision's about me.
Most definitely.
You know, they used to burn men like you alive.
He could sense the suspects.
He must be someone with money.
And how do you know that?
This ain't killing for profit.
This is ritual.
But for an inspector in charge of the world's most unlikely investigations, he's punishing them.
Look, he just sits there.
Yeah, he kind of is a blank slate.
He doesn't do anything.
Like in Donny Brasco's Pacino bouncing off of him, that really sent that home.
Drunk Gavin, that Tim Poole video titled The Secrets of the Proud Boys with Gavin, the interview at 3.30, four minutes plus, were you wasted?
I'm not familiar with this.
3.30.
3 and 30.
Oh, yeah, you probably wasted that.
Incendiary.
Oh, yeah, I was hosted.
There's no way you weren't.
Look where I am.
Feeding each other up in a gangway.
Does this do anything?
I'm still pretty articulate, though, for a wasted guy.
Those were hosting.
Yeah, it was like hearing a whale getting hit with a stick.
Boring letter, too.
We got some real boring emails.
Does the Roku app support live streams?
I don't think so.
I don't know.
Willa.
Hello, and Black Lives Matter.
Here's a serious video of a serious act sent in a very serious email.
I like you more than a friend.
Lomier.
I presume this Tippo's going to take a shit or something?
This is one of the worst meal maps you've ever had.
Did Tippo just shit?
Like what could make this interesting if someone blew it up with dynamite?
What was that?
Well, good news is Ryan liked it.
I just didn't think its tail would, like, spin it around like that and sound like a lawnmower or like a weed whacker.
Someone tell me about a band I don't give a shit about?
It will have the live stream soon, and CR-TV archives will be on there, too, in the next couple of days.
It's an exciting time to get Roku.
Okay, last letter.
A story from Los Angeles.
A protest in my neighborhood for a woman shot by police crossfire.
This was a case from two years ago in which LAPD was on a miles-long chase with a suspect who had shot his grandmother and had a hostage in his car.
Shooting at police during the chase, ending up crashing the car in front of a Trader Joe's.
He jumped out of the car and exchanged gunfire with police, then ran into the TJ's, I assume that's Trader Joe's, and barricaded himself inside, holding hostage multiple store employees and patrons for several hours.
Police crossfire killed a store employee during the melee.
I'm nauseated.
And that's Justice for Melly, M-E-L-Y.
All right, I think we can, that's interesting, and I'm not remotely surprised.
I think we can start taking calls now, Ryan.
Yes, yes.
And I'll start doing a drawing.
By the way, auction number two raised $3,300.
I'll put it up on parlor, but we had, we just put that in.
We're now, Justice for Liberty is over $50,000.
I'm very happy about that.
And the next auction, auction three, which I think is available on censored.tv, right?
Ends in six days.
All right, I'm going to get a beer and some paper.
Cut to you, Doodle auction.
Doodle auction.
Hello.
I think I'm out of focus here.
Yeah, this is the Doodles for Liberty 3.
Wait, I said cut to you.
I did.
And then I went to a more informative and pleasant to look at thing, which is the Doodles for Liberty.
Yeah, and you can get there from the website.
It's on the left-hand side.
And you really know how to host all the links there.
should take over next time I go on vacation.
True love.
It's so humid in here that there's a piece of paper on the printer and it's dipped in almost like it was drenched in water, but it's not.
It's got this huge sag in it.
That's not interesting.
What?
Invalid pen.
I'll show you what I mean.
That was an invalid pin.
It's telling me the pen is invalid.
That's not right.
Are we banned from Skype?
No, no, no, no, no.
So you can't think it would be the call in the system here.
I don't think we're banned from it.
I've never had that problem before.
So you don't know, you can't pick up these calls.
You can see them, but you can't touch them.
Well, that's not very interesting.
I guess I can do another letter while you figure this shit out.
Okay, I'm in.
I'm in.
Alright.
I sent you the piece of paper I was talking about in email.
Okay.
It's very important.
Because it sounded boring and I would hate to be seen as boring.
Paper.
You see that?
It's so humid in here that the paper's dipping down.
That paper's not wet.
Looks like a Salvador Dolly painting now.
There we go.
I'm not crazy.
Well.
We got James.
James, real quick before I put you out for a fucking week.
Have you won before, sir?
Yes, sir.
You have one?
And you're not winning again?
Last week, I believe.
All right, so we're going to.
You are not the winner now.
Sorry about that.
It's all good.
Welcome aboard.
This is a consolation prize, being able to talk to the Gavin and the mayor of the Red Zone.
Seg zone.
Red's fine.
Thank you.
I had a quick game of would you rather.
Gavin, I know you're a big Trump supporter.
I was wondering if, you know, kind of a would you rather situation if you could choose Trump to win the election or if you chose Biden to win the election and all the garbage that's going on in the world right now, coronavirus, riots, et cetera, would just stop on November 4th.
What would you choose?
I would choose Trump.
But I think this is exactly what they're doing.
They're saying, look, give me my Way, or I'm going to destroy this fucking country.
And I promise to stop the second you get rid of him, but he has to go now.
I think that's what they're doing.
Right, that's definitely that's definitely crossed my mind as well.
It just seems, I don't know, the world is much crazy this election year than any I've been alive.
Like, here's the thing.
If your kid says, give me lucky charms for dinner, I'm going to hold my breath, and if he starts holding his breath and then you give them lucky charms, they're going to ask for lucky charms again.
It's not like he's going to eat his normal meal the next night.
It's like this illegal aliens shit where they say, give them sanctuary, give them amnesty.
Do you think that's going to be the end now?
Robert Moses did this in New York City.
He built projects for the poor because they need housing.
Sounds good.
But then now the poor are rewarded with these beautiful penthouse apartments overlooking the East River.
More poor come in.
More poor are born.
The Puerto Ricans in the Lower East Side there, in the projects, they're like fourth generation welfare.
Rewarding failure does not work.
Thanks for calling.
We got Circa and AC.
Real quick, have you won before?
No.
You have not.
Well, you have won today.
You have hurt me today.
Has she socks?
What's up, dude?
How are you doing, man?
Good.
How are you?
Hey, I'm great.
I have a couple of quick questions for you.
Also, if you're a little bit.
No.
Sir, if you can go to a better part of your house or something, your phone sounds like the poops.
Oh, man, that's a bummer.
I'm too old.
Is this better?
Maybe 1%.
If it doesn't get better, I'll just call back.
Congratulations on the win.
We'll contact you afterwards.
I like going through these faster.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Brewery, Stevie Vaughn.
Hey, Gav, I want to talk to you about Steve Ray Vaughan.
I understand why you don't like him, but I think I have a reasonable explanation that you might agree with upon explanation.
Do your worst.
So I'm a little bit younger than you.
I'm 15 years your junior.
But the type of music that I listened to as a youth, I probably got into a little bit younger, but when I was like 12, I was listening to Krass.
This is in like the mid-90s.
So you're going to try to take me from Krass to Stevie Ray Vaughan?
I will.
The difference is you never played an instrument, correct?
Correct.
So when you're into punk rock, do like a miles voice.
A few years before and a few years after, you will be into nothing except your certain type of punk rock.
That will be uncool, right?
I guess, yeah.
Where are we going with this?
So for you, it was like the early 80s.
That's when Steve Rayvon really hit the scene.
Did the thing.
Can't stand the weather.
Doing chicken little doo-doo.
Yeah, but okay, so he was like from White Trash, Texas.
He had an older brother who was also a pretty famous, became a pretty famous guitarist.
And quite frankly, Steve Rayvon is to the guitar what John Bonham or who's the drummer for the Who?
Keith Moon.
But I don't listen to music to hear the most talented person in the world do fucking needly little solos.
It's not about doing the solo.
It's about he could play two chords and his tone was superior in the same way that John Bonham could hit the drum once and it would be superior.
No, John Bonham would blow my mind with all this extra 5-4 crazy timing and stuff.
Because you just never played an instrument, dude.
Ryan will agree with me on this.
Yeah, well, apparently learning an instrument makes you suck.
Musical turn or care what was going on, but your void just happens to be in the era with which Steve Rayvon flourished.
No.
Thanks for calling.
You're wrong.
You're a winner, sir.
You won some socks, but you did not win the argument.
Oh, thank you, Ryan.
I know you agree with me because you play guitar.
I do.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I'll contact you after the show.
Liking Steve Rayvon is like being gay in the 50s over here.
I don't even love him.
Kurt Schilling?
Kurt Schilling.
I was just thinking of.
Hey, Gav.
You live from Massachusetts.
Thanks for having me on.
Hey, man.
Thanks for calling.
All right.
So I was down at the 99, and behind my mom, I was there with my mom.
There was this picture of Tukarask.
You know, it got me thinking of Tim Thomas, who's a Republican.
You know, not many famous people are Republicans.
It got me thinking of legendary Republican Boston sports figures.
So I was trying to think of Kurt Schilling's name, and I'm Googling everything trying to find him.
Like, I'm way better than Ryan at Google.
And I can't find him until I just deep search him.
It's like, I know he is on the Blaze TV.
Google's just trying to X him like some KGB community.
You know, it's, I just think that's kind of wild.
But what were you looking up?
Like, what was your search?
So I believe he played on the Orioles.
I mean, I might be completely wrong, but I was some legendary moment with a bloody sock and a foot injury.
Yeah, it's one of the most biggest, it's probably one of the top 10 biggest moments in baseball was when he had that bloody sock.
I found it pretty.
I mean, I'm searching everything, and he will not come up on the front page of Google.
I would have to go into websites to find his damn name.
Huh.
Well, you know that Google was caught today bearing Breitbart, Daily Wire, a bunch of conservative sites.
And actually, this was in my notes today.
Facebook, the most popular Facebook stories are all right-wing.
And it's mostly boomers watching Ben Shapiro.
And Facebook is tripping over themselves trying to change that.
But these things used to be crazy conspiracy theories.
And now it's just a bunch of facts.
Yeah, say the word.
Damn, who's whatever, man.
Like, the guy was, he's on Breitbart.
He's on The Blaze.
And they're just, I mean, when these liberal behemoths of companies are trying to shut down people who they think are bad, but they're also bringing this racism thing to the forefront at the same time.
I mean, it's kind of hypocritical of them, if you put it that way.
Yeah, if you're going to accuse us of something that serious, racism, then let us defend ourselves.
But they can't because then we'll prove them wrong.
All right, thanks for calling, buddy.
I like you more than a friend.
I'm at the point now where being called a Nazi is the N-word of white people.
And I'll fight you.
I'm no longer of the persuasion where I want to explain, no, I'm actually not.
Like if you call a black person the N-word, they don't go, no, actually, that's not true.
They just punch you in the face.
Michael.
Yo, what's up?
Yo.
So, Gav, you've touched on, you've like mentioned this briefly before in the show, maybe like twice, but it was never like focused on.
But it's my number one pet peeve about grammar.
When people say that, when they should be saying who.
Like, for example, like, I know a guy that likes to eat at Red Lobster.
Yeah, it gets a little tricky with something like punks.
Like, I know a lot of punks that, or I know a lot of punks who, because you're like, are punks a thing, or are they a person?
But the amount of people that say that, I just got into a fight with Kangaroo with Atheism is Unstoppable, where I'm like, you said that a person is hung.
It's hanged.
And he goes, I know it is.
I reject that.
And I go, you can't reject that.
That's the English language.
It's not up to you.
That's exactly.
Yeah, it's like the grammar rules are kind of in flux right now for, I don't know what it is.
It's like, dude, have you seen this?
The number of people.
Grammar, not those words.
The number of people saying $135 is written $135 sign?
I mean, you've mentioned that.
I've never seen it, and I hope to God I've seen it.
I've seen it.
I see it all the way.
I'm at the majority now.
I would say it's the majority of the time.
Well, in academia, they're actually trying to dissolve standard American English and just say, oh, no, that's just a cultural dialect that some people use.
Yeah.
They changed the name of Ebonics, right?
To like, what is Ebonyx called now?
It's called like Oavu or something.
Something like that, yeah.
Oh, I don't know.
I think there might even be several different ones.
Like it's.
If you look up the word literally in Google, it will say not literally.
Yeah, literally the opposite definition now.
We're at the point where a word is not a word.
All right.
Thank you, Colin, dude.
And there's a theory, like they're trying to say that, like, American Standard English, like pretty much what we would just think is, you know, perfect grammar, which none of us even really have, but we try to.
They're trying to say that that's oppressive.
Like, trying to make people have to speak and write in that framework in a professional or official context is actually oppressing them.
Yeah.
If people suck at a thing, then the thing has too high standards.
Okay, the NBA won't let me join.
I guess they're way too strict.
Right.
Well, and it's, I mean, I had this argument with somebody who was doing speech language pathology at Columbia, and they were like, just totally adhere.
Like I was saying, you're debilitating people if you don't teach them how to read and write.
Like, you know, the language, the grammar rules that we have, the whole goal and the whole, yeah, the whole goal of grammar is clarity.
So if you start letting people be loosey-goosey with it, you're just going to lose clarity.
And if you don't tell somebody to adhere to that or teach them how to adhere to that, they're going to be less effective in expressing their own ideas.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, it's like this whole BBC embracing pidgin English where the headline is, the goal have de poo-poo on the button.
And you go, that's not different.
That's worse.
Big bookhouse.
Big bookhouse.
We call it.
We call one billion lots and lots of twos.
Si within Coz Diuquara Wei Make America ordered China to close embassy.
Kim Kardashian West speaks about Kanye West's bipolar disorder for the first time.
All right, thanks for calling, buddy.
Does he win socks?
No, he does not win socks.
So we're done with the socks.
Yes.
It's called Ave.
African American Vernacular.
Yeah, Ave.
How embarrassing.
I remember I said this to Dina, Denine Barelli before she got me fired.
If I was black, I would be embarrassed at all the griping.
Like, you pissed them off when you did this.
You pissed them off when you did that.
I'd be like, yeah, I'm actually fine with that.
Stop constantly acting like I'm hurt about something.
You're making me sound like a pussy.
Peter.
Hey, Peter.
Hey, what's up, guys?
Hey, dude.
Yeah, I wanted to talk to you guys about being an ex-Antifa member.
I don't know if you've ever met or had anyone on that was ex-Antifa.
No, is that your resume?
No, it's not.
But yeah, hopefully no one ever finds out outside of this.
But yeah, I kind of, it just happened during the 2016 election.
I was just kind of getting into politics like every stupid person that really shouldn't be getting into politics.
And how old?
This is really easy.
I was 17 at the time.
Yeah, it was a big topic in high school.
So, yeah, I recently moved to San Francisco too, so I was surrounded by not just liberals, but hardcore leftists.
My teachers were hardcore leftists.
They encouraged us to walk out of school the day after Trump got elected and go protest.
And me, I had a fucking little upside-down flag, American flag with stolen land written on it.
It's pretty embarrassing.
I did similar stuff when I was that age.
It's fashion.
And, you know, Ryan was just at some party upstate, and there's these girls from LA there, and they had been to all of the rallies that week, but they didn't know about any of it or believe in it.
It was just like, that's what everyone's doing.
Exactly.
I was getting into punk at the time, too, and that was like, that kind of just set it off because, I mean, punks are really stupid.
They wear the fucking badge on their vests.
Like, they advertise that they're Antifa.
They have the fucking arrows.
And it's pretty easy to spot Antifa.
Go to any punk show, you'll see them.
I'm pretty sure the feds know that.
Yeah, it's just a childish phase.
And it's funny seeing all these protesters in Portland because they're in this perpetual adolescence.
It's embarrassing.
You're allowed to go through that phase, but to be stuck in it when you get, you know, over 25, it's fucking embarrassing.
All right.
Thanks for calling, dude.
I like you more than a friend.
All right.
Austin.
Hey, Ryan.
How's it going?
Hey, bud.
Hey, dude.
Hey, Ryan.
David.
I was going to call in.
I was wondering about your YouTube that got deleted.
How I first discovered you a long time ago was through your comedy.
And did you have those videos backed up?
Your comedy sketches you did?
Yeah, they're all on BitChute.
But there's things like the Vans ads.
I did all those Vans, those ads for the shoe company Vans.
They, of course, now that I'm a pariah, they don't want anything to do with me.
So they took those down.
I still have them on a hard drive somewhere.
But yeah, backed up on BitChute.
Would you ever consider uploading some of those to censured.tv?
Yeah, I should do that.
I should have a whole comedy sketch section.
Yeah, because the Sophie Can Walk is one of my favorite videos because I have a very absurd sense of humor and seeing a baby getting pushed in a tiny wheelchair.
You walk down the street and you'd see that and you'd think, oh, that poor baby.
Then two seconds later, you'd think, wait a minute, what the fuck wasn't you carrying that baby?
But I got to ask, where did you get the tiny wheelchair?
Did you have to have that made or did you buy that somewhere?
Great question, sir.
So there is a thing.
It's called like my doll or something like that.
My American doll.
Yeah.
My American doll.
And what they do is they make you.
So I guess for Ryan, they would just rub a piece of shit on a doll.
How dare you?
That's not funny.
Say you were handicapped and you're a kid who has, you know, those canes that they have that have the things?
Armbridge.
So your doll, say you have red hair, blue eyes, and you have those things and you have one leg.
They'll make a doll of exactly that.
So now your doll has the same cast as you and the same missing leg.
So if you're in a wheelchair and you're like seven, they make a wheelchair doll for you.
So now you have the wheelchair doll.
So that wheelchair that comes with that doll is the wheelchair I used.
Oh, okay.
I see.
It wasn't a very sturdy wheelchair because it's for a plastic doll.
And one time, my wife doesn't know this, but one time when I put my daughter in it when we were filming, the back fell down and she fell through the back of it and hit her head and was bawling her eyes out.
And I was like, all right, we're okay.
No one needs to know about that.
So I damaged my daughter's brain permanently trying to make you laugh.
Oh, no.
But yeah, I was just, I don't know.
The last election was so fun.
You know, there's so much comedy going on, so many laughs.
And I'm just not having as much fun this time.
You know what I mean?
No, it's like Jim Goad said.
He said, can you believe we won?
It sure doesn't feel like it.
No, it didn't.
I mean, even before the inauguration, it felt like, you know, I had just a bad feeling.
I can't explain it.
It was just a lot.
I think one of the reasons we were dancing on the night of 2016 is we thought all this bullshit is over and we can all just get back to work and stop fucking worrying about trans bathrooms and stuff.
And then it just got much worse.
And the problems of four or five years ago seemed so simple now in retrospect, not they compared to what we have now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We were arguing about bathrooms before and it was annoying.
Now Portland is on fire.
New York, Chicago have unprecedented shootings with dozens of people dying, kids getting shot in drive-bys.
I want Obama back.
Yeah.
All right, man.
How are you doing, Collins?
I mean, so weird the way I just hang up on people.
Oh, I faded him out because I felt bad.
He was a good guy.
We got Nick.
Yeah, me and my buddy Stephen were talking about how slow time is going now.
Like last October is when the.
It feels like last year was like two years ago.
Like, everything after Trump, after they started prosecuting the Prowboys and all that stuff, it feels like it's all a dragon.
Time used to fly before that.
Nick.
Am I on?
You're on.
So just talking about, or just thinking back to, I know Gavin talks a lot about Jamaica and going to Jamaica.
And I was just kind of noticing how like whites get put down a lot for our culture, for whatever colonization and shit.
But if you take Jamaica, for example, I've been there several times, especially growing up as a kid, and we'd go there for vacation.
And we'd go on these tours and they'd be these shit ass buildings with fucking rebar coming up through the fucking roofs.
And the fucking lady, the Jamaican bitch, would always be like, yeah, they built their homes.
And then when they save up enough fucking money, they add on to it.
And I was like, oh, that's fucking clever time.
I go there for another vacation and fucking another tour.
Oh, yeah.
And they see the same shit.
Four years ago, it was the exact same fucking shit.
Nothing was added on.
And they say, oh, yeah, this is what we do in Jamaica.
We save up fucking money.
And then when we have enough money, we build a fucking on top of it.
And then fucking every fucking year we go there and we go through these goddamn tours and they say the same bullshit.
Well, come to find out if you look at the fucking architecture.
It's from the 19 fucking 60s, 1965 or so.
I think Jamaica split from Britain in like 69.
Yep.
So it's like, no fucking shit.
That's when all the fucking white people left.
You know what I mean?
It has nothing to do with this fucking bullshit.
No, she's lying.
Excuse.
It's also when...
It's also when Britain had that massive influx of Jamaican immigrants because they tried it their way and they went, this is not Ayri Iman.
I don't know.
Yeah, when I was last there, there was a woman just standing on her lawn talking to her neighbor and there was a pile of garbage.
And sorry, there wasn't one pile of garbage.
There was garbage truin all over her lawn.
And I thought, even if there's no garbage collection or whatever, wouldn't you just pick it up and put it in one designated area?
Like, why stand in a pile of garbage?
Yeah, it's like they just, there's fucking shit everywhere.
There's fucking pregnant ass pit bull dogs with giant saggy tits running around.
It's a fucking shithole.
It really sucks.
And I love it.
But it's fun to go to.
My white friends there will be like bragging about how awesome it is.
And I think I said this on the show.
My friend Jeff Jensen was talking about how dumb I am for saying the West is the best.
And he was saying, no, the East is the best.
And as he's saying this, we're in a taxi.
And I'm just behind him.
All I see is Cinderblocks and Rebar.
Cinderblocks and rebar.
Exactly.
And fucking blue tarps.
And fat chicks.
Like, are you fucking kidding me?
So many blue tarps.
And so many fat chicks with hunky Rastafarian boyfriends.
Exactly.
With their big fucking guns.
Yeah.
What do they call them?
No, it's like a Rastafarian word, but it means prostitute.
Ah, fuck.
Oh, yuck.
All right.
Thanks for calling, buddy.
Yeah, it's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.
My wife was going to take me there for our 50th.
I think she thinks that I...
I mean, I like it, but.
We got somebody here.
305.
Accused of rape, you say?
Yo, can you hear me?
Yep.
Alright, yeah.
So this happened a couple weeks ago.
This girl goes on Twitter and puts out my full name in my hometown and says, this kid is a rapist and there's multiple victims that I've talked to.
That can end your life.
Yeah, yeah.
So I get a call from my sister and she's like, some girl is fucking tweeting about you.
And so my sister gets in contact with this girl.
And she's like, oh, tell me what happened, you know, what was going on, blah, blah, blah.
And basically she's just a dumb bitch.
And she was like, this girl I met when I was 16 one time on the beach.
And she gave me head on the beach, right?
And now she's like a fucking feminist, liberal kind, you know, we're like 20.
I'm 21 right now.
And she fucking tried to ruin my life.
That sucks.
Can't you criminally charge her?
Well, that's the thing.
I don't have any fucking money for a lawyer.
You know, I'm fucking 21 trying to save.
I mean, luckily, I moved out of my hometown and no one knows where I live.
And I don't have any social media.
But she said in the tweet, I would tag him, but I haven't seen him on social media in years.
Right.
And then, so my sister actually gets in contact with her and she tells the whole story.
Doesn't tell my sister that she gave me head, right?
She just says that I fingered her and then she ran away, which is a fucking lie.
I met her once at the beach, right?
Because I was also with a friend.
So there was witnesses there too, right?
Her two slutty friends, it was her and another slut, me and my friend.
We both, you know, hooked up with them and then left, right?
Good night.
And now they all are fucking feminist liberals and they hate us because we're white men, alphas, and, you know, we're Trump guys.
We don't give a fuck.
And they just despise us for that.
So they try to ruin our lives.
That sucks, dude.
But it hasn't affected your life as of yet.
No, it hasn't.
But, but, yeah, yeah, because no one knows where I work.
I'm off of social media.
No one from my hometown knows where I live now because I moved far away.
But I was wondering, is it wrong for me to pray to God for revenge on this girl?
No.
I think you should pray for her to get cancer.
No.
Pray for her to get hit by a car.
What?
God will do it.
He's not doing it.
It's wrong for him to drop a brick on her head.
Revenge is one of the sins, the deadly sins.
Well, but if God will.
No, but it says vengeance is in the Lord's hand.
So shouldn't I pray, like, you know, take care of it, God?
Or should I just say, oh, it's up to him?
I don't know if you should overtly pray for her to be harmed.
Don't listen to Ryan.
Overtly pray for her to be harmed.
I'm not saying harmed.
I'm just saying revenge.
She needs to see that her actions have consequences.
She can't just fucking tweet some bullshit.
And, you know, she just a stupid college girl, lives with her fucking parents.
I'm fucking, you know, trying to grind my lifestyle to be a fucking successful.
And she's just sitting around watching YouTube videos or some shit and tweeting and fucking, I don't know.
Dude, you're really lucky that your sister buys your story and didn't end her relationship with you.
A lot of sibling relationships are ruined by shit like this.
No, dude, we were fucking raised right.
We're not fucking, you know, we're, well, I mean, our family, our parents got divorced when we were young, so that, you know, had the siblings type, you know.
Oh, right, right.
All right, dude, thanks for calling.
Congratulations on not on dodging a bullet there.
That could have been a lot worse.
We got Joe.
Hey, Joe.
Hey, Joe.
Where are you going with that gun in your hand?
How you doing?
Good.
I was wondering if you've ever come across in your readings G.K. Chesterton.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, I figured because of his Catholicity and yours and the extolation of the family and the whole sense that really the enemy of freedom in the family is hudge and gudge, you know, big government and corporatism.
It really resonates kind of with what you're putting out there and kind of the subculture of the crowd boy.
So we've clearly heard of him, but if you haven't, Orthodoxy.
It's the book that converted C.S. Lewis to Christianity.
And it's this, you know, his magnum opus.
It's a real powerful book.
But worth checking out.
All right.
Thanks for your call.
G.K. Chesterton Orthodoxy.
This is my drawing for today.
Cool.
We got Mike online.
Mike.
What the fuck's up, motherfuckers?
What up?
Yo, Dwarg.
Mikey!
So, uh, so, obviously, all these rioters and antifa and all that bullshit, they don't know what they're doing.
All they want to do is destroy shit.
So, obviously, it's coming from higher up.
You know, you look at the media and all that shit.
The head of the snake, what do they want?
This is kind of an Alexy Jones-y kind of question, but the head of the snake wants to destroy America, get it to Venezuela levels of people eating stray pets, and then rebuild it in their image.
So, like Soros, for example, his father was big on Esperanza.
He wanted all language eradicated, and then he would have everyone speak the same language.
You know who else was a real fascist like this was Gillette, the guy who started Gillette.
I forget his first name, but his last name is Gillette.
And he didn't like the idea of competition.
He thought, look, I do great razors.
I'll do the razors for America.
I'll handle all the razors.
So in his perfect world, all the other razor companies would be decimated, and then you just go to Gillette for your razors.
The globalists want the same thing, but there'll be one minister of energy for Earth.
There'll be one minister of education for Earth, and they can decide.
I mean, they want to become God, really.
And part of becoming God is making sure there's no competition, and part of making sure there's no competition is destroying the entire fucking country, destroying the planet.
And it's weird because you go, okay, why don't you go take over Venezuela?
Like, it sucks.
It's ripe for whatever you want.
But I don't really think they've thought through the plan B. They've just really mastered the destruction part.
Well, they don't want the communist or the socialistic thing.
They're way smarter than that.
So what's in it for them?
I mean, I understand what you're saying, but what in the long run, what are they going to be the fucking king of the world and it's just them and like four other people?
Yes.
I know what you're saying, though.
It seems weird to me.
And it's a strange compulsion to have to want to rule other men and make sure you know what other men buy and when other men eat.
Like, why do you care outside of your family what Ryan Katsu Rivera eats for lunch?
Burrito.
Penises.
That's not true.
Thanks for calling, sir.
It is a strange conundrum, though, that I've never quite figured out.
Eating penises?
No, I figured that out.
They're delicious.
You gotta broil them.
Jay, fucking Jay, it's a tuna, bro.
Yeah, what's up?
Hey, dude.
So, I'm getting, you know, liberal fatigue with everything.
I can't watch these Man on the Street videos anymore, these riot videos.
And since everything's downstream from culture, how do creative people move forward in the future?
You know, without Silicon Valley, record companies, art galleries, what's next?
What do we do?
Yeah, well, did you see that guy in San Francisco who got fired for saying, I think we should still accept art from white males?
Yeah, that was too controversial.
Yeah, you know, we're not allowed to have apps.
We're not allowed to build apps.
I mean, and I love the fact that we have Roku now, but what would happen to Alex Jones and Roku?
I mean, what the hell are we going to do?
We just have to keep fighting.
And, you know, when the dinosaurs went extinct, we as mammals were fucked.
And what did we do?
We went underground.
We burrowed.
We became little weird guinea pig, squirrel, hamster guys, and we lived underground.
We survived the ice age underground in tunnels.
And then when the weather started to thaw, we came out again and became man.
So, and the dinosaurs were long gone.
Look at dinosaurs now.
They're fucking birds.
Good afternoon, guys.
They're losers.
Yep.
So, right now we're in the burrowing underground part of the ice age.
I agree with that.
And my last question, real quick, before I jump off: Proud Boys.
You know, I go ahead and try to sign up twice.
You know, I haven't gotten any calls back yet in Pittsburgh.
Is there any other way to get in touch with Proud Boys other than the website online?
What town are you in?
Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh.
No, I don't think there is, but part of like, they always say Proud Boys are trying to recruit.
It's the opposite.
They're trying to weed out feds.
So it's actually pretty hard to join.
But just keep at it and they'll get to you.
You can do it.
All right.
Awesome.
I appreciate you guys.
And Ryan, I have so much respect for you after that fight video.
It's not the fag zone.
It's the thunderdome.
Ooh, I like that.
What do you think, Ev?
What was that?
The Thunder Zone.
Thunder Zone.
Yeah, I mean, let's see what the boys that you take home say.
They might prefer the Fag Zone.
They don't say that.
There's no boys.
It's Paul.
Hey, Paul.
Your phone sounds like a bag of shit wrapped in a bag of turkey necks with shit on it.
You sound like Paul.
No, Paul.
God, he's so useless.
I don't think that's the our Paul.
Oh.
And that's mean.
Conspiracy theory.
253, you're on the line.
Can you hear me?
Yep.
I was wondering if you heard about all of these black trans people that are committing suicide, but all of liberal Instagram and Twitter seems to think that it's some strange conspiracy that they're being, that they're hanging themselves, and they think that it's some kind of racist ploy that's going on, that people are rounding up gay, black, trans people and hanging them.
Yeah, and it's probably proud boys that are doing it because they hate themselves.
Is that a form of megalomania?
Is it that on the KKK?
Isn't that a form of megalomania to think people give a shit about you that much?
Well, my friend's a barber, and he kept posting about it with the Trans Lives Matter stuff.
And so I looked into it, and like the majority of them, they would always post like this depressing shit.
And the police, like all the crime scenes, the police immediately were like, this is obviously a suicide.
And out of like the 10 they posted, I only found stuff on eight of them, but all eight of them were like obviously suicides, but they still keep running with the narrative that they're being hung by racist white people.
Yeah, that's because they want that to be true.
I'm not sure why, but they want it to be true.
It's a strange compulsion to have.
And, you know, there's the obvious with trans suicide, where you went, all right, I'm depressed, I'm bipolar, I'll cut my dick off and get tits, and then I'll be happy.
And then they do that, and they're still miserable.
So that's what really makes them suicidal.
But there's another much simpler part of it, which is cocaine.
You do a lot of Coke, and, you know, most of our ups and downs are like this.
When you do tons of Coke, your ups are here, and your downs are here.
Boom, boom.
And when you do it regularly for years, then that just becomes the norm.
And when you're in a down, you're like in this unprecedented down that most of us don't feel.
And you go, I should just fucking kill myself.
Yeah.
Ryan's having the piss of the century because he chugs water every episode.
Still going.
Like, what did you think was going to happen when you drank a giant Oktoberfest cup of water?
Yeah, people have the misconception that Asians are smarter than most people, but my wife's Korean.
Her whole family's Korean.
They're not that smart.
No.
It's definitely not been my experience in this studio.
I mean, he thought the word cuffs was bracelets.
I just, I was having a...
Initials?
It was early that day.
It was pre-coffee.
Oh, you need coffee to know what cuffs are.
Okay, fair for you.
All right.
Thanks for calling, buddy.
Audrey.
Audrey.
601.
Hello.
Hello.
Can you hear me?
Yes.
I have a question.
I'm wondering how you and your wife are able to interact with such opposing political views.
You know, she's a woman, and so her views are not that political.
Like, we had an argument this morning at breakfast where she goes, so Kanye's lost his shit.
And I said, really?
I mean, he started crying saying, I almost aborted my daughter.
I almost killed my daughter.
That made him cry.
And then he remembered that his father wanted to abort him.
And thank God his mother.
I mean, abortion is a fucking heavy subject.
And so my wife just dropped it immediately after that.
Or with Roger Stone saying Negro.
I went, I can't tell.
Maybe he did say Negro, but who fucking cares?
I mean, we're in an era where we hear about how evil Whitey is and how we're all Nazis every day.
So he said a bad word off the cuff.
I don't give a fuck about swearing.
And yeah, that does shut down the conversation.
But we have so much in common with our kids that the analogy I sometimes use is it's like if you both own the Mets.
there's so much to talk about about the season and the games and all this other stuff that politics shouldn't come up.
And to be honest, my experience has been it's not very fruitful to talk to women about politics.
I mean, outside of Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter, who are news junkies, they just seem too emotional.
They don't really have much to offer when it comes to politics.
Okay.
Well, that's cool.
If it doesn't get involved with your life, cool.
Yeah, it's not a huge issue.
It was when she voted for Hillary.
That was a rocky week.
Well, that's the thing is, for me, I couldn't respect my spouse if, you know, because your political views are moral.
So even, you know, just knowing if my husband voted for Hillary, I mean, well, we wouldn't have gotten married.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I do know what you mean.
I mean, it was a different time when we met and the America wasn't so polarized.
And, you know, the difference between Bill Clinton and George W. Bush is pretty nebulous.
In fact, I think Bill Clinton was more fiscally conservative than George W. Bush was.
And then, you know, after we got married, well, 2016, it became an us and them thing.
And I will say, my wife is now, especially after getting terrorized in our neighborhood and my car vandalized and stuff, she's not a fan of the Dems.
She's not impressed with the left and the way they handle things.
Or at least I think what's happening is she's stepping away.
She's definitely not voting for Joe Biden.
I guarantee you that.
But instead of coming over to Trump, she's just like, oh, my team dirtied the water.
I'm not playing anymore.
Good.
That's a better place to be.
It definitely is.
All right.
Thanks for calling.
We got to wrap it up.
This is the last call.
Yep.
I did another drawing.
I'm not sure we should put it on the auction, but it just says spooky.
Ooh, spooky.
Do you want to hear it?
The call or spooky?
Spooky.
I'm sure.
Spooky.
About video drops.
Thomas.
What's up, Tommy?
Tom, Tom.
Send it.
Just gonna send it.
Just gonna send it!
Uh, I think I have a contestant for the, uh, Her name is Andrea Casanatidas.
You might know her.
I think she's a Trump supporter.
I'll spell it for you, Ryan, if you want to look her up.
Hey, is this better not to be the insanely hot chick?
I gave it a whack.
Castanatida?
One more time?
Andrea.
It's weird.
It's C-A-T.
C-A-T.
C-I-M.
S-I-M.
A-T.
I-D-I-S.
I think she's Greek.
Andrea, right?
What's with the Greeks and those fucking stupid names?
Oh, yeah, that is weird.
It takes a moment.
Yeah, this is an acquired taste.
Wait, I think I've met her before.
Yeah, I think you've shown her before.
You might have even interviewed her before, actually.
Yeah, I think I know her.
I think this is my friend.
Thanks for introducing us again.
How do we feel about her?
I don't see anything with you guys.
Pretty intense nostrils scenario.
Yeah, the scenario there is.
Is she at OAN?
What is that?
What's OAN?
What American News shit for brains?
Oh, oh, oh.
I think her father's like a billionaire or something.
He has a talk show on 77WABC.
I don't know why.
I can't remember what he got his money in, but she's very rich that way.
That makes her more appealing.
I like that she doesn't have plastic surgery.
Wait a second.
Oh, here she is getting fondled by Bill Clinton.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I have up right now.
Isn't that the place where we had the thing in DC?
Looks like the same joint.
Remember that?
With the DJ there.
Yeah, that probably is.
It's the same joint.
Here she is with Sean Hannity.
I hope those tits are real.
Yeah, that's a good contestant.
Good contestant.
I feel like that would be the kind of chick where the sex was so amazing that you try to break up with her and then you get drunk and you call her at three in the morning and then you wake up and go, oh, fuck.
And you're back at her house again.
She seems undumpable.
Thanks for calling, my man.
All right, folks.
And that brings us to a great point about relationships and lovemaking in general.
You worry, are you doing it right?
Is this the one for me?
Relax.
If she's the one for you, or if he's the one for you, it will happen.
You can try to dump her.
You can try to break it up.
You're going to end up back together.
God has plans for you with relationships.
Similarly, if you two are not meant to be together, you can go on a cruise.
You can do couples therapy.
It's not going to happen.
So relax.
Date freely.
Chill out.
If you don't want to fuck someone, don't fuck them.
You don't really have to work on relationships.
You've got to work on a marriage because you have kids and things get complicated and you're not allowed to fuck because those little bastards are in your bed every night.
But pre-kid, pre-marriage, it works itself out.
Chill out.
Get out there.
Fraternize.
Find the one.
And when you get her, put a ring on it and breathe.
We need More western babies.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
Now she looks into our eyes.
She is quick to realize that he better pull over before it gets too dirty.
Cause if he really wants to, now the time is wise.
And this one is eating the cookie all over the place.