Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E189 - THE STUPID EPISODE [2020-07-21 - S02E189 - THE STUPID EPISODE]

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July 21, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:42:23

S02E189 - THE STUPID EPISODE [2020-07-21 - S02E189 - THE STUPID EPISODE]

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	That was Migos and their hit song Taco Tuesday.
	We played that for you because it is Taco Tuesday.
	Ryan and I are going to be having tacos shortly.
	Although, African Americans seem to like that sort of manufactured cheese, the kind of cheese you get at baseball games and stuff.
	You know, that gross movie theater, high school cheese?
	High school cheese.
	It should be illegal.
	It's not cheese.
	It's a melted plastic bag.
	It's so fucking gross.
	Mino like that cheese.
	So these are three orphans from Atlanta who I think they're four now and they were raised by some random chick, not really raised.
	She just gave them food when they were hungry.
	They probably just ate cereal all day and watched TV.
	I bet they didn't have a bedtime.
	They didn't teach them how to clip their nails either.
	Look at those long-ass nails.
	I bet they didn't have a bedtime.
	And I bet the TV was just on and you just went to bed when you were tired.
	Sort of like you, Ryan.
	And ate when you were hungry.
	And you'd have Taco Tuesdays.
	You'd make your own food.
	And that motherfucker.
	They've sort of been on their own their entire lives since they were babies.
	Anyway, they became these, they had all these mentors.
	I guess the locals in Atlanta said, let's take these three little kids and make them into a huge rap band.
	And then they became Migos.
	So that was Taco Tuesday.
	What's 12?
	Have I got another song by that?
	That's the same one down.
	Huh.
	Yes, it is.
	Pooh Pooh.
	And I pull this up because I was in a hole.
	Yesterday was a shitty episode.
	I was hungover and there was too much rioting.
	It was depressing.
	And I was annoyed about Michelle not being protected.
	So I was in a bad mood yesterday.
	But now I'm in a good mood.
	And this is like a relationship we have.
	So you take the crunchy with the smooth.
	And sometimes dad's mad and you can feel it in the whole house.
	And sometimes dad's happy and then we go have some fun.
	We can go to Dave and Buster's.
	So today we're going to go to Dave and Buster's and we got all that riot shit out.
	There's a couple riot things we want to talk about.
	But this is the fun episode.
	We're spending most of it talking about a Dar Man video where the kid wants to wear makeup.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	And his father disowns him for that.
	And then he changes his mind.
	But that, okay, so check out Migos in an interview.
	Joe Budden is, I guess, their media manager or something.
	He does their PR.
	Yes, Joe Budden.
	So that bald guy's Joe Budden.
	You remember him?
	Pump, pump, pump it up.
	That was a big hit.
	That's one four.
	So he was a big rapper back in the when?
	When was this from?
	Otts?
	The Otts?
	Two times I kissed her.
	That was 20 years ago.
	I think this came out before 2009, though.
	Put that on, man.
	Hurry up.
	Yeah, I think it did.
	I mean, she has a VHS tape.
	I still had a VCR in 2000.
	I still had a VCR in 2000.
	Remember that?
	It's like 2003.
	2003, yeah, that makes sense.
	So he had a pretty good career, and now he does media stuff, but he doesn't do a very good job.
	And the whole reason I'm doing all of this is because I remember bass stickman said, yo, I've been in prisons that were so black you couldn't understand them.
	And there is a level of black accent where I don't know what the fuck you're saying.
	And a lot of blacks don't know what they're saying.
	So check out this unintelligible interview with Migos, the singers of Taco Tuesday.
	And that's Joe Budden?
	Button.
	Button.
	That's Joe Budden managing the interview.
	He has his shirt all the way buttoned up as well.
	That's how he got the nickname Budden.
	Yeah, we blessed, man.
	We dripping too by the way.
	Wait, go back.
	Are they tripping or dripping?
	Dripping.
	Meaning they have a lot of jewelry on.
	I suppose.
	And we tripping too, by the way.
	No, they said tripping.
	Fashion spread.
	How you guys doing?
	Yeah, we blessed, man.
	We dripping.
	Oh, tripping.
	Sounds like dripping.
	by the way.
	I ain't seen this much ice ever.
	Gang in the building, you know what the fuck's going on.
	Big stones.
	Wait, the guy on the far right, just like me, he's on the far right.
	He doesn't make any sense.
	Even with subtitles.
	Yeah, big stones.
	I feel like every week when I'm getting buttons.
	I think you're right.
	It was dripping and they got it wrong.
	Talk to Take Off.
	Takeoff.
	Listen, I feel like there's like a running joke with you being left off Battle Boost.
	Like, how do you feel with the group is succeeding, but sometimes people pinpoint, like, why isn't he here?
	Why isn't he turned up like the other two?
	I ain't left about Battle Boost.
	You think I'm left by Battle Boost?
	Hey, turn it up.
	Turn it up.
	That's impossible to hear.
	Like, why isn't he turned?
	L is B. So I actually, there's lots of B's.
	Like, I ain't left is, I baint BF.
	I ain't BF.
	I ain't left.
	I ain't ever.
	Bad and Bougie is, I guess, what they call their crew.
	That was their big hit.
	Migos had a big hit with Bad and Bougie.
	And I guess that's what they call themselves now.
	And streets is screets.
	You know, scrimps in the streets.
	Yeah, that's a thing.
	I ain't left by Bad and Booze.
	You think I'm left by Bad and Boo?
	Sega?
	You say I'm left by Bad and Bougie?
	Well, you're right.
	I ain't that bad and bush.
	There's a lot of bees in the bus.
	You think I'm left by Badam?
	Sega?
	You say I'm left off bad and bougie?
	Ah?
	What'd you say?
	You say I'm left off bad and bougie?
	Do it look like I'm left off bad and bougie?
	What'd you say?
	Do it look like I'm left off bad and bougie?
	I mean, it don't look like it.
	That's one thing I like about the group.
	Because ever since when you were in the jail, even though you might see one of the others, y'all move is a collective.
	We got to wrap this up, though.
	Okay.
	I love it.
	I'm going to have you jump.
	I couldn't hear anything over there, to be honest.
	Wrap it up, then.
	Close it.
	Hey, listen, man.
	I wish I could talk to the Legos longer, man.
	It's one of my favorite boots.
	I've been covering for so long.
	I'm glad they succeeded.
	Hey, man, you guys are nominated tonight.
	Have a good show.
	Do they look like they can fight?
	Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	No, no, no, no, wait, wait.
	How do you fight with that much juvenile?
	What do you even just say?
	I thought Budden was on their side.
	Wait, what happened?
	So Budden is their PR guy.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	And so he stopped the interview.
	He stopped the interview because they said, you left bad and bougie.
	And then he mentioned jail.
	And he's like, these guys are not getting Let's go.
	But then they're mad at him.
	And then they're mad at him for shutting the interview down.
	Because they would like to promote their brand.
	And every single person here is retarded.
	Let me make sure there's somebody that accosted Budden.
	They're like, dude, what are you doing?
	And then they said, standing up for him?
	No, they're saying, Budden, what are you doing ending our interview?
	Right here promoting our album.
	You're making us look like dicks.
	But look at these guys.
	They're going to fight.
	Of course this one is.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
	Where's our security guard?
	I need security.
	Speaking of imbeciles, I want to make sure we don't get racial here.
	So I thought I'd bring in a Muslim from Palestine, DJ Khaled, who I assume hates Israelis.
	He did a video.
	This is how to talk to girls.
	DJ Khaled, that's for it.
	That's the smartest thing you ever said in your life.
	Give me a kiss.
	She's not into it.
	Look at her body language.
	Another one.
	Another one.
	How can you be a devout Muslim and make out with all these strangers?
	Isn't that against Allah?
	Don't ever play yourself.
	Baby, you know I'm a smart guy.
	Who you love?
	DJ Cabin.
	Who your friends love?
	DJ Cabin.
	Who's a fat piece of shit?
	DJ Cowboy.
	Know that.
	Know that.
	Guys, let's get this.
	Today's episode is the imbecile episode.
	Look at this.
	Very smart.
	Matter of fact, you a genius.
	See, you let me hustle.
	You let me do what I need to do.
	I'm going to show you something you ain't never seen before.
	Keep riding.
	You smart.
	You look like a bad.
	Come on, you baby.
	Let's ride.
	I'm going to hold you down.
	Say my name, baby.
	DJ Khali.
	Say my name, baby.
	DJ Khalif.
	Why does it say below on his hookah pipe?
	You loyal.
	You grateful.
	I appreciate that.
	Go buy your mama a house.
	Stop.
	Did you see what just happened there?
	Yeah.
	He gave her $10,000 and said, go buy a house.
	A house where?
	We're in Palestine?
	Do I got to go to Gaza to buy a house?
	Is there a $5 million bill within that stack of 10?
	Yeah.
	Go buy your whole family.
	Yeah, she's even like, is he retarded?
	He says, go buy your mama a house, gives her 10 grand.
	Then he gives her 30 grand and says, go buy your whole family a house.
	We're still only up to 30, dude.
	Maybe in the Catskills I could buy a fishing shack.
	She's hussed him out.
	She's like, he's retarded.
	Yeah, that's only 30 grand.
	Go buy your whole family houses.
	Put this money in your savings account.
	10 grand?
	40.
	Don't spend some money for no reason.
	50 grand?
	Come back and ask for more.
	60 grand.
	Baby, let the music take control.
	Let We the Best Sound take control, baby.
	Hold on, say my name.
	DJ Cat in?
	Shri.
	That's right, baby.
	Remember that.
	Those are the We the Best headphones.
	He has a company called We the Best.
	And they make headphones, they make beats, they're very popular.
	And in his songs, he says We the Best a lot.
	And he also spells it W-E-T-H-E-B-E-S-T.
	We the best.
	Like this is retard culture.
	It really is.
	In fact, when I used to pretend to be mentally handicapped to get on planes, I would want to sit with my business partner and they would seat us separately.
	So he would go up to the gate and he'd say, I got to sit with my stepbrother here or it's going to be a problem for whoever he sits next to.
	And I would just be like, next, I'm like this going.
	Hi, we're the same mom.
	I would yell at them, stuff like that.
	And then one time I was getting on the plane and I'm doing my walk.
	I'm not proud of this, but it worked.
	And as I passed her, I said, I'm number one.
	And she goes, yes, you are.
	And it was exactly the way white liberals talk to blacks.
	They don't want to say that.
	This whole we the best shit.
	That's, like, my seven-year-old wouldn't say that, but he would when he was maybe three or four.
	DJ Khaled!
	Actually, pull up my parlor.
	There was that woman who wrote White Fragility, Why It's So Hard to Talk to White People About Race, and it's all about how racist we are.
	And there's a clip from that very book, White Fragility, which is a yeah, there it is.
	Look at this.
	So this is this was a major, this was a major New York Times bestseller during the George Floyd stuff.
	It went through the roof.
	And that's when they pushed the whole thing of read a book, not do the research or check the facts.
	The new thing with the left is read a book.
	And by a book, they mean one of these bullshit books.
	So look at this.
	For example, I was invited to the retirement party of a white friend.
	The party was a potluck picnic held in a public park.
	As I walked down the slope toward the picnic shelters, I noticed two parties going on side by side.
	One gathering was primarily composed of white people, and the other appeared to be all black people.
	I experienced a sense of disequilibrium.
	So seeing a group of black people made her knees give out as I approached and had to choose which party was my friends.
	I felt a mild sense of anxiety as I considered that I might have to enter the all-black group.
	Then, mild relief as I realized that my friend was in the other group.
	Oh, Jesus Christ.
	Oh my God.
	Oh my God.
	This relief was amplified as I thought that I might have mistakenly walked over to the black party.
	Exclamation mark.
	All these thoughts and feelings happened in just a few seconds, but they were a rare moment of racial self-awareness.
	The mere possibility that I might have to experience not belonging racially was enough to raise racial discomfort.
	Fuck you, you stupid racist bitch.
	You know what I would do and everyone I know would do if they were walking to a party and it was all black?
	We go, oh, okay, what's going on here?
	This is obviously going to come up a few times in joking.
	Like, what would you know about that, white boy?
	But it would obviously be laughs.
	I was invited to this party.
	My friend is at this party.
	How could it possibly be a hostile environment?
	Yo, why'd you invite that white dude, white lady?
	What?
	Like, what is her paranoia?
	She's so fucking scared of blacks.
	And that's what all this, that's why the more you get out into the suburbs, the more passionate they are about Black Lives Matter.
	The whiter you are, the more you care about black activism.
	And it's guilt.
	They don't want their kids going to black schools, but they'll put We Matter signs in their window.
	Because the less blacks in a neighborhood, the more they cherish them.
	And it's a phony cherish that's based on guilt.
	And she feels terrible that she has those emotions.
	I don't have those emotions.
	I doubt you have those emotions.
	I doubt out of all of our subscribers, which is going through the fucking roof, by the way, that projection that's on our eraser board has long been dwarfed.
	I think we might be up to 20,000 now, thanks to his kangaroo boy.
	Run through a motherfucker face.
	Unfortunately, I have to give him 50%.
	I hate when you make a deal and then it ends up being really lucrative for the other guy.
	How dare you?
	I've seen, I remember magazines would do that.
	They give sales guys 20% of what they bring in, and that made the guys work hard, but then they'd be making too much money.
	So they would change their commission.
	Guess what happens to ad sales when you do that?
	Gawker used to do that.
	They'd pay you based on how viral your article went.
	And I remember this chick, Tracy Egan.
	I ended up marrying her, like officiating her marriage.
	She would do, she'd see what works, like genital attack scenes in horror movies, and then have list the top 10.
	And that would go nuts, right?
	But then they saw she was making too much money.
	So then they went, after you get 80,000 views, we're capping it.
	So guess what?
	She only ever got 80,000 views.
	I am never going to financially recover from this.
	That's how I feel after I saw what Kangaroo brought in.
	I am done.
	You're done.
	Yeah.
	So I don't think out of all of our subscribers, assuming it's 20,000, I don't think one of you would walk up to a barbecue, think that the black party was the party you got invited to and went, like, it would be, I'm sure it's unusual for a lot of you to go to an all-black party, but you wouldn't be freaked out, especially because you're invited.
	And then in that same blurb, her other fear is that she even goes there with her potluck and goes, hi, is this Jeff Norris's thing?
	And they'd be like, what?
	I don't know no Jeff Norris.
	Maybe it's the one over there.
	Oh, thank you.
	That one misunderstanding mortifies her.
	Now, the only way that would be mortifying to the rest of us is if we're talking about orcs or maybe like pagans or some biker gang where half the shirts are off, including the chicks, and they're riding in 360s, and you're like a 52-year-old woman.
	I could see that might freak you out.
	It wouldn't freak me out.
	I'd be very excited to hang out with bikers.
	I was invited.
	But I could sort of see.
	But that's not what black people are.
	Black people are not orcs.
	They're not fucking bikers going in huge circles with topless women.
	The only difference between those barbecues is I bet the black barbecue has more spices.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	And it's probably more fun.
	Depending on the crowd, if she's a white liberal in New York City, I told you about that kid's birthday party I went to where I ended up.
	All the dads stayed with their son to watch the cartoon, Tokyo 6 or whatever it was.
	And they all had funky socks, like orange and blue and green and stuff.
	Every single dad who took his shoes off to go sit on the outdoor AstroTurf to watch this movie, Big Hero 6, and they all took their shoes off.
	What?
	Why?
	You're outside, dude.
	And they all had funky socks.
	So I was like, I can't wait to get away from my kid, right?
	It got whatever it is, three hours freedom.
	And you don't want to hover over your kid at a birthday party.
	If there's one place you want to let your kid roam free, it's when he's partying with his pals.
	I'm going to be there too.
	What's going on?
	So he was probably, this would have been five years ago.
	So he would have been six.
	Yeah, six years old.
	They're going to go watch that together.
	So anyway, all the dads, the only other dads that were happy to get away from their sons were the black dads.
	So I sat with all the black dads and had a gay old time.
	Told sex stories, partied.
	It was fun.
	So as Sargon of Akkad pointed out, stop putting your shitty hang-ups into my basket.
	Okay?
	Your racism is not my problem.
	Speaking of my racism, check out DJ Khaled on talking to Forbes about We the Best.
	My brand, We the Best, speaks for itself.
	It's the best.
	It's the best.
	DJ Khaled!
	We the best music.
	So, what are the metrics by which you define best?
	He doesn't know what metrics are.
	I mean, well, we use inches.
	Being the best is stats.
	Not just stats, accomplishments, winnings.
	And the people tell you that you're the best.
	There's a lot of people who say they're the best and they're not the best.
	I say we the best and I represent the people and I also represent we the best myself and I'm a winner.
	You know, I feel like, you know, Forbes is the best.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Obviously, Zach, you know what I'm saying?
	What you do, you the best at what you do.
	So it means nothing, but, you know, it's just facts.
	You know what I'm saying?
	We the best.
	My track, my track, my history speaks for itself.
	See, he doesn't know the usual track record wasn't the best.
	So he just did a Biden.
	It's like, my track rec, my track, you know, everything.
	You know the thing.
	Track record, Khaled.
	You're trying to say your track record speaks for itself.
	So we can start the show now.
	We're ready to go.
	We had our store shut down.
	Our store.
	Our store is no more.
	Why do you think that was?
	Who did it?
	Who harassed our store?
	What happens when you go to the store?
	Oh, nothing.
	The shop is unavailable.
	So I got an email from Shopify.
	Dear account owner, we have recently been made aware that your account is in violation of Shopify's acceptable use policy.
	As a result, we are no longer able to host your store to our platform.
	At this time, public access to your storefront has been disabled.
	You will continue to have access to your admin for one week if you wish to export your store data.
	On July 28th, 2020, your account will be permanently closed and you will have no further access to your store or its data.
	Shopify's terms of service can be found here and our acceptable use policy can be found here.
	Should you require assistance with downloading your content, blah, blah, blah.
	So no chance of appeal.
	Do you have the link for acceptable use policy?
	Acceptable use policy here.
	Okay.
	No, that's the terms of service, you meathead.
	Shopify's a commerce platform, blah, blah, blah.
	Child exploitation?
	No.
	COVID-19?
	No.
	Harassment, bullying, defamation, and threats?
	I don't think so.
	Hateful content.
	You may not use the service to promote or condone hate or violence against people based on race, ethnicity.
	Did we do that?
	No.
	Intellectual property?
	We did have a Budweiser, but no.
	Personal, confidential, restricted items, self-harm.
	So spam, terrorist organizations.
	So I bet funding a membership in a terrorist organization.
	I bet it was Proud Boys-related terrorist or the hate thing.
	Which shouldn't you have to prove that?
	And now we can't look at our store to remember what there was.
	But I'm looking at our shirts in our studio here.
	I don't see a lot of hate.
	Although I do see a shirt right now staring back at me that says, hate has no home here, has no home here.
	It's called a joke, bitches.
	Apparently it's a Canadian company, Shopify.
	They removed an Epstein shirt, Sam Hyde's Epstein shirt, because it was bullying.
	Bullying.
	A dead pedophile.
	Amazing.
	Oh, our own Jacob Wall is in the news.
	I didn't send you that.
	But apparently Ghislaine Maxwell hired him to help smear some of the attorneys who were to smear Epstein victims and to get prosecutor Jeffrey Berman fired in an attempt to stall sex trafficking investigation against her.
	And I think Jacob Wall's defense, at least in that article, is that, yeah, she hired us to see if there was any dirt on the people attacking her.
	I heard he was trolling.
	He trolled the Daily Mail.
	Yeah, that's really his MO.
	You know?
	That's likely what it is from a pretty smart source.
	He's a prankster.
	You see that video where it's a crowd of people like around his car, like a bunch of protesters.
	He's like, he has a bullhorn.
	He's like, you're obese.
	Remove yourself from the road.
	He's like Robocop.
	He's just a robot.
	He's like, you are obese.
	Please remove yourself from in front of the road.
	You look like a Mongolian caveboy.
	Me?
	Yeah.
	Look at his hair.
	I look like a falcon should just appear and take a shit.
	Hopefully.
	Do you have that clip you're talking about?
	Yeah, let me see.
	I want to get to this.
	So yeah, one thing I've noticed, by the way, with Shopify, in this particular case, someone has harassed them and they've said, okay, okay, we'll take it down.
	But it's not enough to cancel me.
	Now they cancel people around me.
	Michelle Malkin, because she defended me in the Proud Boys, they took away her National Review column and her New York Post column.
	Alex Jones was not banned for Sandy Hook.
	He really got canceled from social media for having me on.
	Laura Loomer will tell you that defending me is what kicked her off of Facebook.
	So it gets to the point where even your friends go, dude, I can't afford it.
	Like after I was last canceled, fired from Blaze, Ezra Levant goes, I go, I assume you want me back.
	And he goes, I don't know, man, there's a swarm of bees around you.
	So once they cancel you, then they make you a pariah by canceling everyone around you.
	And then even people that want to support you.
	Like Tucker Carlson, I don't think he could have me on.
	I think he might lose his job at Fox.
	And Fox is petrified of the mob because they're pussies.
	They're rhinos.
	So it's an interesting stance when you get this sort of leper colony status that I have now.
	But we also are grossing $2 million a year.
	And they have tried so hard to hack this site.
	They forced it to change the name.
	They've shut down the store.
	So, don't think, like, they always say, oh, you say you don't have free speech, but I can still hear you.
	Yeah, barely.
	Can we hear?
	You're whiter than I am.
	Go home.
	And I'm using my privilege for good.
	You're harassing protesters.
	White privilege doesn't exist.
	He's RoboCop.
	Overweight.
	Please get out of the road.
	You're very overweight.
	Please get out of the road.
	You're very overweight.
	Please.
	You're very overweight.
	There's zero humor in it.
	Just facts.
	He's like a robot.
	He's a Boston dynamics robot.
	You are obese, citizen.
	All right.
	Shall we go to Dar?
	I think it's time.
	Let's look at a little boy who wants to wear makeup.
	Dad kicks out son for using live glam makeup.
	What happens is shocking, says Dar Man.
	Darman.
	Dar Man is the guy, cannabis entrepreneur who got caught, I think, embezzling money or some sort of pyramid scheme.
	I believe he was jailed.
	I don't know.
	He seems like a criminal to me.
	I'm very careful not to get sued here, so I have to tread lightly.
	But this is the most obvious advertorial I've ever seen.
	Not dad kicks out son for using makeup.
	He has to plug in the company that made the makeup.
	And we see their stupid monthly magazine, which I guess doesn't have a back cover, plugged in the very beginning of the thing.
	This is live glam.
	So they do a thing.
	I think they send you lipstick and shit once a month.
	It's like that Harry's Club for Men thing with the shavers, but makeup.
	Anyway, so I think the guy's so desperate for money now that what he does is he does, his videos have just become straight up commercials.
	I'll do it about your product.
	I'll somehow crowbar your makeup into a story about how it's okay for men to wear makeup.
	And makeup companies love this kind of story because you double your customer base as soon as men start wearing makeup.
	Men don't wear makeup at all.
	Gays don't wear makeup.
	Yes, I know.
	There's James Charles.
	You saw a drag queen once.
	99% of gays don't wear makeup.
	Men look fucking ridiculous.
	So he's going to make, he's going to tell us not to be homophobic in this.
	And I'd like there to be some nuance in homophobia when it comes to your sons.
	If your son is a gay like Chadwick Moore, or maybe even Milo, you go, ah, that sucks.
	I'm not going to have grandkids from you.
	I hope the other ones can give me grandkids.
	And, you know, he's probably going to be single and die alone because they tend not to be good at monogamy.
	So he's going to have a lonely life and he's probably going to get his ass ripped to shreds and that's disappointing.
	But mostly you're over it in like a day.
	But when your son is a giant mincing queer, that's a little harder to take because now you don't have that much in common with him.
	He has a different accent all of a sudden.
	It's like your son coming out of the closet as a Turk and all of a sudden he's this sort of secular Muslim who carries a saber and eats those stupid Middle Eastern foods and he looks like Chenk Uighur.
	You don't really want your son to be a different nationality.
	And that's what mincing homos are.
	They're a totally different culture.
	That I could see being a bummer and taking much longer to get over.
	But let's check out this particular case.
	And by the way, in 100% of Darman's articles, videos, you watch it and you go, this doesn't apply to me.
	100% of the people who watch these videos, it doesn't apply to you.
	Hispanics, when I say Hispanics, I mean Central America, South America, they hate when their sons are gay.
	You're disowned.
	If you're in Chile and you come out of the closet as gay, you just accept that you're going to have to move because your dad's never going to speak to you again.
	So it's a real problem with the Hispanic community.
	It's also a problem in the black community.
	The chick who started Black Lives Matter was kicked out of the house when she came out of the closet.
	Asians, I don't really know.
	Are there gay Asians?
	I don't know how their dads react.
	And then with whites, maybe like super born-again, nut bar evangelicals.
	So a tiny, tiny fraction.
	But they don't watch these videos.
	Who watches these videos is like liberal girls.
	And they would never be homophobic.
	So it's always directed at people who will never see it.
	It's a bizarre market here.
	Put down that monthly catalog.
	Oh, he's good at basketball.
	Hey, Dad.
	Hey, Dad.
	What in the world were you just reading?
	That's not a sports magazine.
	That it's nothing.
	Anyways.
	Like Vera Fam, all the basketball I used to play.
	Just pause.
	So I assume they're Mexicans?
	What should we call them?
	Dominicans?
	Colombians?
	You're good at this, Ryan.
	What kind of Hispanics are these?
	Colombian makes sense to me.
	Let's do Colombian.
	Salvador, maybe?
	No, they'd be an MS-13 if they were from El Salvador.
	They're obviously rich, so they're probably upper-class Colombians.
	Colombians don't like basketball.
	I don't understand why you chose a Colombian family for this video.
	They play soccer.
	Hispanics like soccer.
	And that's me, by the way.
	Because when the English miners went down there and they were mining all along South America and Central America, we would play soccer during our breaks.
	Locals picked it up.
	Now it's their whole life.
	They'd never play basketball.
	How many Colombians are in the NBA?
	Two?
	Basketball I used to play with.
	Anyways.
	It doesn't look very worn.
	Like with our family all the time.
	Yeah, you used to play with that as a kid?
	Would you bounce it on AstroTurf?
	Used to play with it two weeks ago.
	Wow, you really preserve your basketballs.
	Guys, guys, don't bounce it so hard.
	I want to have that when I'm 50.
	Only swoosh.
	I only play on nerf courts.
	If it wasn't for my injury, I would have made it all the way.
	But now, I got you to carry on my dream for me.
	That's what I do with my boy in boxing.
	Ow, it hurts.
	Wow.
	Wow, that old, brand new basketball.
	Keep practicing.
	And who knows, maybe you'll make the cover of a magazine one day.
	Hold on.
	What?
	Is he punch drunk?
	Does he have pugilistic dementia?
	And who knows?
	Maybe the cover does this do anything?
	Was he the ball?
	That's why the ball's Brand new, he just bounces head around.
	Action, Orson.
	Action.
	Oh, maybe you'll be like, no one's heart is in this.
	This is the problem with advertorial.
	And this is why I was adamantly against it at Vice Magazine.
	The British, Vice UK, kept pushing it.
	And I go, No, no one likes it.
	No one reads it.
	No, there's no heart in it.
	There's no love in it.
	If you ever had a Scottish woman's cooking, there's no love in it.
	It's just like food.
	There, eat this food and you won't be hungry.
	This is what acting looks like when no one gives a fuck.
	The cover of a magazine one day.
	Cover of a magazine one day.
	Katrina, this came for you.
	Live glam makeup or something?
	Makeup?
	But I didn't order this.
	Oh, huh.
	That's weird.
	It says this is for.
	Let me see that.
	Are you some kind of a fag?
	You're ordering makeup now?
	That it's nothing.
	I just saw some YouTubers talking about live glam, so I thought I'd try it.
	What do you want to try makeup for?
	You're my son.
	My daughter.
	Isn't it weird how they totally skate around his homosexuality?
	This entire video, they never mentioned once that he's gay.
	He's just a guy who likes to wear makeup.
	Who's not gay?
	I better not see you around makeup again.
	You hear me?
	Is he mad?
	Was his whole family killed by makeup?
	Around makeup?
	Yeah, don't even go near it.
	It's like peanuts.
	Even if someone nearby and you're allergic, if someone nearby has had some recently, you can die.
	Yeah.
	Read this.
	It's called a sports magazine.
	It's somehow older than the basketball I grew up with.
	I hate that I love doing this.
	I can't help myself.
	Oh, hi.
	Uh, what are you doing with my makeup person?
	What are you doing with my makeup?
	You heard what dad said?
	Yeah, I know.
	Boy, they're really coming down hard on him.
	Tom, Katrina.
	It's okay.
	Your secret's safe with me.
	Do you even know how to use those?
	Lots of face acting in these, eh?
	Hmm.
	Hmm.
	Watching some YouTube videos, and I really want to become a big YouTuber one day.
	And I want to do makeup tutorials.
	Isn't it funny, by the way, that the bankup person in this video sucks, and she is shining like a greasy lemon in every shot.
	Hey, why don't you give your actress some live glam?
	It's my dream.
	Look at her.
	Look at that.
	The only person who should be wearing makeup in this video is you.
	Look at this grease stain.
	You're blinding me with your forehead grease.
	Hey, it doesn't matter what dad thinks.
	It kind of does.
	You can't live your life going after someone else's dream.
	Yeah, that's true.
	You have to follow your own dreams.
	How about you just wear makeup and don't rub it in his face?
	And what are you, 25?
	Move out.
	Put on all the makeup you want.
	Here, this belongs to you.
	It's live glam.
	Thanks.
	It's available for $44 a month if you sign up now with the coupon code DARMAN.
	You have great taste.
	LiveGlam's lippies and eyeshadows?
	Oh, the best.
	Yeah.
	This isn't a commercial.
	The others aren't like this, right?
	This is the only time I've seen him plug something.
	Usually the only thing he's plugging is, don't beat up old black ladies.
	I saw one the other day.
	They take a parking spot from this woman and she goes, please, please, I need to park here.
	It's very important.
	And they go, whatever, bitch.
	Fuck you.
	We hate old ladies.
	And they take her parking spot.
	And then they're at the doctor's office and she shows up crying.
	And they go, I'm sorry, I'm late.
	I got here as fast as I could.
	Yeah, this is it.
	Look at his face.
	Look at his face.
	Go back.
	Look at him.
	Is he a butt plug?
	What is that?
	Look at those crescent moon eyebrows.
	Wait, that's not the one.
	Oh, a couple of stories.
	What is this man's parking spot?
	You'll never know.
	Wait, he's done two.
	Oh, my.
	Wait a minute.
	Wait a minute.
	He's done this exact one, but it's an old lady.
	What the f- What the fudge?
	Let's just make sure.
	It's the exact same thing, exact same shots.
	I want my spot.
	And then they're in a doctor's office.
	He runs in.
	He goes, How's my daughter?
	Well, the one I saw, it's an old lady.
	She goes, How's my daughter?
	And they go, your daughter's dead.
	Also, this is what confuses me.
	You're obviously at a mall.
	Why is your daughter dying at a clinic in a mall?
	Shouldn't she be in intensive care when she dies?
	All right, so that's the old man.
	And then he did it again, shot for shot, frame for frame, old lady.
	And she arrives at the mall clinic and her daughter's dead.
	And he missed her.
	And by the way, say you missed goodbye, saying goodbye to your daughter.
	You missed like a few seconds.
	It's not that big of a deal.
	She's dead.
	Do you see it?
	Old lady?
	I put, yeah, old woman.
	Wait, I think that's her there.
	No, no, at the bottom.
	Yeah, it's this one.
	Wait, oh, no, no.
	Sorry, it's that same actress, but it's not her.
	Just look up parking spot.
	Wait, no, that's not it.
	She's in a lot of these videos.
	They always seem to be Hispanic.
	Yeah, there it is.
	Look.
	Even the pictures are the same.
	Well, I don't understand this.
	Couple steals this man's parking lot.
	You'll never believe what happens.
	Couple steals parking spot from grandma.
	They live to regret their decision.
	It's the exact same video.
	Click on this.
	Same parking garage.
	They probably shot it at the same time.
	I don't know.
	I'm lost.
	Was this for Live Glam too?
	Or was this for the National Old People's Association?
	Same panic window shot.
	Excuse me, me, sir.
	Although this couple is much hotter than the couple in the other.
	He's melting your mouth, gorgeous, and she's a nice.
	I don't know, that was really weird.
	So she keeps me.
	By the way, if you're trying to get there for your daughter's last second, park illegally.
	Get a ticket.
	Block someone in.
	I know my daughter's dying, but I had to park legally because I don't want to get a $40 ticket.
	I think you should take a seat.
	Your daughter croaked.
	She came in here for a pap smear, and now she's dead.
	See that bucket?
	How it's kicked over?
	I used a machete for the pap smear, which I know now was a mistake.
	But unfortunately, she just bled to death.
	And I didn't call 911, and there's no ambulance on the way.
	That's greasy lemon.
	I knew she was dead.
	That's greasy lemon.
	Is that grease face?
	Yeah.
	All right, let's go back to grease face.
	Darman is so weird.
	He's so powerfully weird.
	He writes these.
	I'm sure he does.
	And the acting is unbelievable.
	He probably directs them.
	He probably writes and directs these and markets it to different companies.
	And he's running out of money.
	He's probably not getting YouTube revenue.
	They probably changed his algorithm or something.
	So now he has to do advertorials.
	And I think he has a low IQ, maybe?
	I don't know.
	He's just very, very weird.
	And if you're directing this guy, you'd go, dude, you're...
	Little smaller, please.
	You're supposed to be like uncomfortable with your gay son.
	Not I want to murder him.
	Still playing with my old new basketball.
	Hey, son, I was thinking, why don't we shoot hoops like old times?
	What do you think?
	Maybe later.
	I can't remember.
	Why not?
	I put on makeup to come over.
	Why are you wearing that hoodie in the house?
	Take that thing off.
	You're wearing makeup?
	Explain yourself.
	Look how absurd he looks.
	The makeup...
	No.
	I don't.
	Maybe Dar is so cheap.
	Because he's clearly cheap when it comes to getting actors.
	These are like extras who this is the first thing they've ever done.
	Maybe he's so cheap that he just does the makeup.
	I can picture that.
	That looks like I did it.
	Good job.
	Dad, why did you do that?
	I know this isn't what you want, and I'm sorry, but I can't keep living my life like this, trying to follow your dreams.
	I have to follow my own dreams.
	When was the last time you saw a guy that was so gay that he wore this much makeup, but then he also had like a normal urban outfitters dress shirt with like a Nike hoodie?
	So he's a regular guy here and the hair, but then this was flaming drag queen story hour.
	I've never seen that before.
	I've seen men in makeup.
	I live in New York City or I work in New York City.
	They usually will have like an orange tube top on and have their hair dyed blonde when they look like this.
	My dream is to become a makeup artist.
	I didn't raise you to be a makeup artist.
	I raised you to be a real man.
	I'm sorry, but I've made my decision.
	Ha ha ha ha!
	He has...
	Ha ha ha ha ha!
	He has a sad clown face, and it's totally exaggerated by the makeup.
	He's a cartoon.
	I'm sorry, but I've made my decision.
	I'm sad.
	My dad doesn't like me.
	Let me guess.
	You're sad?
	So take your things and go, because you're not welcome here.
	A son who wears the streets.
	Get the strings.
	Oh, because he went like that with the hoodie.
	Then a son of mine.
	And don't call me dad.
	Because you're not my son anymore.
	Call me Mark.
	The son moved out of his father's house and started practicing makeup.
	Before his makeup started getting started makeup.
	You don't practice makeup.
	You practice putting on makeup.
	That's like saying practicing basketball.
	Dar man can't speak English.
	Really good at it.
	Meanwhile, the dad refused to talk to his son.
	And never left his living.
	Son wasn't going to play basketball, then the dad wanted nothing to do with him.
	The son started filming YouTube videos on makeup and started getting really popular.
	He followed.
	He kind of talks like Des Moines from Fast Times or Ridgemont High.
	Hey man, I got some blue oyster cult tickets.
	This is great makeup.
	He followed his dream and he couldn't be happier.
	Dream and couldn't be happy.
	He looks ridiculous.
	I mean, even within the ridiculosity of a dude wearing makeup, he's still on the outskirts.
	In fact, I could see dudes who are wearing makeup, dudes who wear makeup ostracizing him and saying, don't talk to me.
	You're no friend of mine.
	You do makeup too weird.
	You have blue lips.
	You have the makeup of a fat goth chick.
	A couple years passed and the father started really missing his son.
	Does his dad only have one shirt?
	He's in his phone as son.
	But his pride always stopped him from calling until one day his daughter taught him a value.
	Does people not do anything?
	And how old is she?
	Move out.
	Get a life.
	Are they under house arrest?
	Well, this is why I played this video coming up.
	Why don't you just reach out to him?
	I just wanted him to be successful.
	Not going around doing makeup.
	Hold on a second.
	The odds of you being successful in the NBA, they've been calculated.
	They do it for the MLB, too.
	It's a fraction of 1%.
	0.000000025 type of thing.
	So if you want him to be successful, I don't think basketball, especially because he's a shrump, unless you're 6'5, why would you be pushing basketball to make him successful?
	I've not been keeping up with him.
	What do you mean?
	He's one of the most successful makeup artists in the world.
	What?
	Check it out.
	He's on the cover.
	This isn't a magazine.
	Live Glam has a catalog that they send out every month when you get your free, well, not your free, but you get your fucking little brushes and lipstick and stuff.
	And they also have this stupid catalog.
	In fact, they couldn't even print, why didn't they just print him on the cover and say, check out our new commercial starring this guy?
	Again, he looks ridiculous.
	And makeup, like, look at James Charles.
	Who's the other guy that you love because you're a homo and you live in the fag zone?
	Jeremy Peters or something?
	There's two main guys.
	I love.
	I think, oh, wait, you're talking about Jeffree Star?
	There we go.
	Of course, Ryan knows right away.
	Jeffree Star and James Charles are the two famous makeup guys that I guess we're emulating here.
	They are raging homosexuals.
	Like, raging.
	They don't have one collared shirt in their entire wardrobe.
	Everything is silver and scuba and a bikini top.
	Scuba.
	Hi, sisters.
	James Charles here.
	Yeah, Levi.
	Back to my YouTube channel.
	Okay, I know you guys are all very, very excited.
	Okay, that is a kind of a normal shirt.
	But look, jumps over to these white sweatshirts.
	They don't wear normal clothes.
	They're not normal.
	Look at this.
	You can understand if the dad's going to be a little disappointed.
	You know, Gigi Gorgeous?
	His poor father.
	Look up Gigi Gorgeous wedding.
	His poor father has to go to a wedding where it's essentially a straight wedding.
	Gigi Gorgeous is a dude with tits and he's marrying a woman.
	Jared Leto with white hair.
	Yeah.
	So that guy.
	There he is.
	That poor bastard.
	That guy.
	He had to see.
	Okay, ostensibly his daughter walk her down the aisle so she could marry a dude.
	But the dude has a vagina and the bride has a penis.
	They have straight sex, by the way.
	And get this, this is the craziest part.
	Gigi Gorgeous went to see her gynecologist because they're having trouble conceiving.
	Let that sink in.
	I'm having trouble conceiving their relationship.
	So the gynecologist had to look at a dick and go, your clit's engorged.
	Your vagina is sealed shut.
	You have two large cysts in your labia, which have somehow sealed together to form a kind of a bag, if you will.
	And your husband's penis, well, it's gone.
	I don't know what happened there.
	And he has a giant hole where his cock should be.
	Hey, I've got a kooky idea.
	Why don't you put this Engorged clitoris into his penile hole?
	And you can make some babies that way.
	No thanks.
	Too weird.
	Look at this poor sucker.
	And that's her husband.
	I mean, I guess you don't want them to kill themselves, but they're living a ridiculous lie.
	They do photo shoots all the time.
	Look at this happy couple.
	That's your son.
	That's your son.
	You're allowed to be a little uncomfortable with that.
	In fact, the fact that this guy was smiling at their wedding, he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize in self-delusion.
	Holy shit.
	Talk about fake it till you make it.
	Why does she have a cane?
	Nat Getty of Getty Oil.
	So all they do all day is just play around with grandpa's hard-earned cash.
	All right, let's see if we can tolerate much more of Dharman.
	So all the dad suddenly realizes that his son is successful because he's on the cover of a catalog.
	That he could have just printed at Kinkos.
	And by the way, no one has really looked up to the, I think the whole idea of fame is over, is it not?
	With reality shows and all this shit and viral video stars and YouTubers.
	Is it cool to be famous anymore?
	Like everyone used to, you know, even as late as like the early 2000s, people would say, I want to be rich and famous.
	And then, you know, you had MTV, real world, and real housewives and all this shit.
	And now it's just like fame is kind of embarrassing, I think.
	My son's on a cover.
	Get co-backed on a magazine.
	Yeah.
	That's the winner.
	That, sir, is, we have to watch that a hundred times.
	You may want to fast forward, folks at home, because I'm watching that till tomorrow.
	My son's on the cover of a magazine.
	Are these his last words?
	Is someone pulling a knife out of his stomach?
	My son's on the cover of a magazine.
	Dar, let this go.
	Like, it's one thing to be a bad actor.
	A bad director just goes, that's a winner.
	Cut.
	That's a take.
	That's a keeper.
	My son's on a cover of a magazine.
	It's not even a...
	But you've never heard of Live Glam.
	It's just a magazine.
	A magazine.
	My son's on the cover of a magazine.
	Wait, try not to laugh.
	Holy shit, I laughed Phlem out of my throat.
	Let's just go dead serious here.
	Okay.
	My son's on a cover of a magazine.
	The eyes get me.
	The eyes get me every time.
	The actual voice, I could think.
	It's like he's been beaten in a basement with whips and chains and stuff.
	And then someone comes up and goes, guess what?
	You're getting out today.
	You can see your family again.
	You're not going to hit me anymore.
	My son's on a cover of a magazine.
	Yeah, the eyebrows go up and then they sort of launch the eyeballs.
	It's like the setup.
	And you know those Indians, when they would spear hunt, they had this catalyst thing that they would use to give the spear some extra kaboof.
	And that's what's happening here.
	The eyebrows come up and they just slam you the eyeballs.
	Let's see it again.
	No, you have to go back more.
	My son's on the cover of a magazine.
	Up, boom.
	Wallop.
	It punches you.
	Okay, that's enough, I guess.
	My Son's on the cover.
	Maybe we should make that a video drop.
	Yeah.
	I don't know when we're going to use it, but we'll figure it out.
	Magazine.
	Yes, your son's on the cover of a fucking catalog.
	I'm the biggest Darman fan, I think, ever.
	Darman, you are...
	I think he makes a lot of money.
	So he's a totally incompetent buffoon who's very successful.
	So he's going to go to his grave going, I kicked some ass, I took some names, I had these videos.
	Dar, I want you to know before you die, your videos suck beyond the room.
	Like beyond Tommy Waizo.
	You are utter shit.
	You're terrible at your job.
	The fact that you get millions of views and I assume make money from this shows that you are the king of the shitheads.
	You have the illiterate moron community at your fingertips.
	I don't know how.
	Maybe no one else has tried.
	Dunsana cover of a magazine.
	Yeah.
	He has millions of followers on YouTube.
	He makes over $350 a month.
	Maybe it's time for you to pay him a visit.
	So you don't like men wearing makeup unless they get paid to.
	Then it's okay.
	I'm sure he'd love to see you.
	That's like you're mad your son's gay and then you find out that he makes millions as a male prostitute and you go, my son makes $500 a night blowing dudes?
	Gotta do the eyes.
	My son makes $500 a night blowing dudes?
	Wait, I can't even do it.
	It's really hard.
	My son makes $500 a night blowing dudes?
	I can't do it.
	It's eyebrows and then eyes.
	Kinda.
	Maybe he is talented.
	He's talented at sucking.
	I like magazines.
	Again, you look preposterous.
	Your eyes look like gaping bloody asshole vaginas, and your lips look like you were gang raped by a group of African slaves.
	Come in.
	Come in, I'm ridiculous.
	Look, he's in a massive apartment paid for by makeup tutorials.
	I finally got a new shirt.
	So I thought I'd come and see you.
	Why are these subtitled?
	I'm sorry.
	Can you wash your face if we're gonna go out and get a beer?
	Actually, I'm the one that's sorry.
	I realize now that I was pushing you to go after my dream rather than trying to follow your own.
	Your dream was insane.
	The NBA?
	Think you can ever forgive me?
	Sure.
	Of course.
	You had the same shirt on.
	I missed you so much today.
	Don't get lipstick on my collar.
	Your mother will think I'm having an affair.
	I missed you too, son.
	No one calls herself.
	Hey, glamours.
	Today I've got a very special guest.
	Hi.
	Hello.
	I'm totally okay with all of this because I found out that he's famous.
	I changed all of my views overnight, as Colombians are wont to do.
	You'll notice with most homophobic Colombians, when they find out that their son makes money being a raving homosexual, they're totally down for it and they can't wait to get on their next video.
	I just want to say that I'm the proudest father in the world.
	Because he's famous on YouTube.
	I think they're Peruvian, by the way.
	I changed my mind.
	Peruvians have huge schnoz's.
	One, your dream.
	To support those with dreams, LiveGlam is giving a free lipstick or makeup brush to anyone who joins their club using the code Glamour.
	Like even adding the www dot.
	Hey, Darman fam.
	I hope you love that.
	Wait, we're part of the man fam?
	Darman fam.
	That doesn't rhyme.
	Hey, Darman fam.
	I hope you love that message.
	Please remember, we're not going to give me nightmares.
	They look like Japanese letters.
	They look like a master calligrapher in Japan made them in one second.
	Zhoup, Zhoup.
	Stories, we're changing lives.
	And when you share my videos, you're helping to change lives.
	You're helping to change their lives.
	I appreciate you, and I'll see you in the next video.
	Wow.
	Unbelievable.
	are being dominated by retards.
	It's a long line at the doorway.
	What's up in taco?
	Getting up with the nacho.
	Fucking with a bad vibe.
	And she go both ways.
	Turn up the racks off a show date.
	That wasn't the best ending in the world.
	You said you found a video of that guy, that actor?
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Where does he dig up these people?
	I just assume, because we used to do commercials and you'd offer $100 and you'd get these terrible actors.
	What's his name?
	David Sia?
	Yeah, Live, Laugh, Love, Sing, Dance, and Have Fun With David Sia.
	He's got a narwhal and some unicorns.
	Is this a parody?
	Is he a gay?
	Yeah.
	I would assume so.
	I mean, even if he's not, I mean, what does it take?
	81 views, 59 views.
	If you're doing a YouTube thing and you're getting dozens of views, just stop.
	It's not working.
	To protect our skin.
	This is how Brown is beautiful.
	He was raised to think that the darker he was, the shittier he was.
	I'm going to get more darker if I'm in the sun, you know?
	And after hearing all these things for so long, it really got to me.
	And I started to believe that I wasn't beautiful.
	I started to believe that I was ugly because of my skin tone.
	I felt ugly, I felt gay.
	Yes, this is a big deal with Hispanics, Indians.
	A lot of brown people, their mothers will get mad at them for getting a tan because the whiter you are, the more valuably they are.
	Not our thing.
	That's your thing.
	That's Hispanic racism.
	my problem.
	...to send out the positive message that no matter what skin tone we are, we are all still beautiful.
	What the fuck was that?
	You know, that's why I'm sure to listen to this video to show you all my skin, my beautiful, and my confidence.
	You're a Carquistador, my friend.
	You're not black.
	You speak a European language, Spanish.
	Yeah.
	Spanish.
	Spain.
	It took me 22 years to be able to be able to do that.
	You conquered the Aztecs.
	We stole the land from the Indians?
	You stole the land from the Indians.
	You're in the same boat as us, dude.
	Welcome aboard.
	Welcome to the oppressors class.
	During the summer in high school, when we had summer vacation, I would stay in my room the entire summer.
	I was hoping he would say what he is.
	I was so happy about it because that was my chance to finally get lighter.
	He might be Mexican.
	But I wouldn't have any fun.
	I was miserable.
	Colombians are a little whiter.
	I thought about it.
	These ideals of beauty started because, you know, back when classes, with classism, people who were poorer, who were less fortunate, had to work in the sun.
	They were the farmers.
	They were the ones who got darker.
	And the richer nobility.
	So they genetically became darker by working in the sun?
	So if you go out and you work in the sun a lot and you get a deep tan, your children will then be darker.
	Yeah, that's why I go to the beach.
	I want my dark.
	That's a hell of a sunburn you got there.
	It's horrendous.
	It's so sunburned.
	Look at this.
	My baby came out sunburned.
	Nice logic.
	And look how they say it with such confidence because they learned it in school.
	This is what their retard teachers say.
	I can't stop thinking about that teacher, by the way, who said, I don't teach the syllabus.
	I teach them about activism.
	That's a major thing that she would say that with such pride.
	I don't teach the syllabus.
	So when they watch the news, when a kindergarten student, when a four-year-old watches the news, I couldn't get any, my kids are 13, 11, and 7.
	I couldn't get any of them to watch one second of the news.
	What a loser.
	Oh, by the way, I sent you this clip.
	They used his clown face for the thumbnail.
	Look at it.
	No, you had it.
	You had it.
	You had it.
	That.
	Oh.
	They used our favorite part as the thumbnail.
	Do they have a sense of humor over there at Dharman?
	I mean, they have to.
	I wonder how much he does.
	I want to do a documentary about him.
	I think he directs and writes these videos.
	What do you think?
	Yeah.
	They do look totally farmed out, though.
	There's no heart.
	She didn't have makeup on her head.
	It's like no one is there.
	He might have a team.
	He might be a team guy.
	He might just farm it out, dude.
	Yeah.
	He writes them up and he farms it out.
	Maybe they come back normal and then he puts his man touch on it.
	No, no, no, no.
	Why did he do the exact same video twice, but one with an old lady and one with an old man?
	Maybe we could contact him and pretend we want to hire him.
	We want to do a thing on racism and how wrong it is, but we also want to do it the exact same one again, but with an albino.
	And then we want to do the exact same thing, but with a Jew.
	And then a white guy, just a normal white guy.
	We want to talk about how wrong it is to be racist towards whites.
	It's called It's Okay to Be White.
	What do you think of that?
	They don't want to see us win.
	What is that?
	Oh, it's a DJ Khaled soundboard.
	Don't love me no more!
	And another one.
	And why are there different faces?
	Oh, there's different rappers, but I'm just keeping it.
	Oh, I see.
	You're just doing the DJ Khaled.
	Bless up.
	All right, so, yes, we will cover the riots briefly.
	Only two articles today.
	This was fun to watch.
	The arrogance of the left.
	And I think it's because they were brainwashed from K through 12 into thinking that they rock.
	So this guy's got a boom box over his head.
	Uh-oh, is it not working?
	It's looking a little not worky.
	This is the mirror.
	The original post was deleted.
	Let me see.
	I'm going to just search that.
	While I describe it, we'll see what happens.
	So he's at, you know, that they went to the Portland union, not the police station, but like where the union is, I guess, where they have their union meetings.
	So they fenced it off and boarded it up.
	And they've been out there.
	They think the cops are in there, which I don't believe they are.
	And they've been yelling at them, yelling through the holes.
	Maybe there are some because they talk about damaging the cops' eyes with lasers.
	But this one dude, he's standing up there with a big speaker.
	And I don't know what it's playing.
	It's like fight the power or something.
	Now, that's a form of terror.
	We did this in Waco.
	We played, I can't remember what it was.
	I think it was like African or Muslim music or something.
	We played some terrible music.
	Dude, I think it might have been We Built This City.
	I think we may have played.
	Yeah, that's it.
	I think we had We Built This City.
	We played it to David Koresh and stuff all night to make them go nuts.
	So sound is a form of terror and this kind of thing.
	Anyway, you're going up against the police force.
	This is day 52 of the riots there, right?
	And you're like, fuck it, man.
	And so they throw a gas canister at him.
	They shoot at one and it goes by his feet and he couldn't care less.
	And then he gets one in the face.
	This is a black dress, gold dress thing where people look at this and they're outraged.
	And I look at it and go, good.
	But look at his attitude here.
	Okay, stop.
	He doesn't give a shit.
	Like, I've told you there's two types of men in the world, men who have been punched in the face and men who haven't been punched in the face.
	This is the first time this guy has ever experienced any kind of blowback for his spoiled brat behavior.
	If someone shoots a tear gas canister at me, I go, holy fuck, they're shooting tear gas.
	At least run behind the car or something, get undercover.
	No, he's just like, that's gay.
	Show it again.
	Because you're going to enjoy him getting it in the face that much more.
	Oh, whatever.
	Boring.
	It's so stupid.
	Get it out of here.
	Anyway, back to my sound terror.
	Oh, you ruined it, Ryan.
	Holy fuck!
	Yeah.
	Holy fuck!
	The thing that flew by before, if you're in front of it, it'll hit you.
	So they are inside.
	Or the National Guard is, or someone.
	Look, they shoot lasers at them to their eyes.
	Can I just see that again and make sure I don't miss it this time?
	You hear the speaker smash against the ground.
	He gets knocked out.
	Fucking dumbass.
	No, keep showing it.
	He bleeds like a stuck pig.
	Your forehead bleeds a lot.
	Medic!
	I don't think they're in Vietnam.
	Use my umbrella.
	Apparently, it works.
	Because no one's...
	Here's what you do, dummies.
	You get him out of harm's way, then you put pressure on the wound so it will cauterize, stop the bleeding, and then hope and pray, after saying defund everything, that an ambulance shows up at some point.
	He needs stitches.
	He's not dead.
	He's going to be concussed.
	He will probably come to within the next 45 seconds.
	But wheeling him, like moving him around as he bleeds everywhere, they're so stupid.
	We really are.
	This is the stupid episode.
	I'm going to call it the stupid episode.
	That's pretty good.
	Look at this stupid cunt, 1.9.
	I don't remember what this is.
	That's what my notes say.
	Oh, yeah, look at literally.
	And I love the way the LA Times covers it.
	Out of Portland tear gas, an apparition emerges, capturing the imagination of the protesters.
	It's just some dumb slut flashing her beef.
	But it's celestial.
	An unidentified woman wearing only a face mask and a cap sits in a Portland, Oregon street early Saturday morning, facing law enforcement, using her magic vagina to blast them with estrogen.
	Does she think light is shooting out of her cunt?
	Like, lady, get back, get back.
	What the?
	Ah.
	Ah.
	Christos.
	Dominos.
	scoffs
	She just sort of, it's closed like this, right?
	And then she just goes and just blinding rainbow light.
	Too much love.
	There's too much power.
	There's too much feminist woke awareness.
	They all just melt.
	Their faces melt like the Nazis in Indiana Jones.
	You got to go into that.
	Oh, okay.
	Remember that?
	Let me tell you what to type in.
	Melting face Nazi Indiana Jones.
	Which they did with wax and stop motion.
	Not stop motion animation, but they cooked wax.
	This is what they did after they saw her cunt.
	That's pretty amazing.
	No, did they do that because it was so beautiful or so disgusting?
	Those other things.
	Oh, it's a candle.
	You could get a candle on it.
	That's lame.
	You got to light it with a pussy, though.
	And then last thing, this is a very weird clip.
	So it's Boogaloo Boys were seen at some rally recently.
	I think we're still in Portland.
	I'm not sure.
	But there's the Boogaloo Boys, right?
	Which is a joke.
	It's a bunch of dudes that say there's going to be a race war and they're going to show up for it wearing Hawaiian shirts and carrying weapons.
	It's not a real thing.
	It's like this.
	It's a 4chan joke.
	But we've started seeing them in real life and people are saying that they're feds.
	And they've taken this Hawaiian shirt joke that Groipers and other people do and they've turned it into like a thing where they show up at rallies.
	But this further proves that they're feds.
	They were seen marching with BLM and hanging out with Antifa, which is very curious.
	And here's another curious thing.
	I spent many years as a punk rocker, I'd say from 1984 to 1990, my entire adolescence, and they don't look like this.
	They don't have Hawaiian shirts, and they don't have big fat mohawks like that.
	They don't wear sunglasses.
	This is not, and they don't have this sort of vibe.
	This guy has a military vibe.
	He's not a, I've never seen a punk rocker like this before.
	You're going to have to go back to the beginning.
	Then he gets one of the proud boys down.
	I know those punches look lame, but punches are not videogenic.
	You can do a lot of damage, but it doesn't look good.
	Especially because we're so used to watching boxing.
	Watch the quote-unquote punk go for his gun.
	Oh, whoa.
	Oh, whoa, whoa.
	The cops get it out of his hand.
	I'm undercover, stupid.
	What the fuck are you doing?
	Let me talk to yourself.
	He doesn't have Dr. Martin's.
	He has like weird security athletic boots.
	Black boots, which cops wear.
	SWAT guys wear.
	Punk rockers don't wear boots like that.
	They wear army boots.
	usually Dr. Martin's, or if they're vegans and they have those sort of That's not a punk.
	That's a fake.
	They're starting a fight with Proud Boys to make Proud Boys look bad.
	I don't know why.
	That could have been a Soros hire.
	They didn't arrest him.
	They didn't cuff him.
	No.
	Like somebody who understands what arresting is, he put his hands behind his back, though, and then they didn't arrest him.
	He did have a gun, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	This reminds me of, remember that skinhead who showed up to a rally, and he had on big fat red suspenders, which skinheads don't do.
	They have skinny suspenders.
	And then on a shirt, there was two massive swastikas, like this big, that were spray painted onto the shirt.
	Like we've all seen Nazi skinheads before.
	They have a band that they like on the shirt or something.
	They don't have a homemade swastika shirt.
	That's not a thing.
	And again, the shoes are always the giveaway.
	Hey, feds, if you're watching this show, you guys got to be more authentic with the shoes because that skinhead I was talking about had hiking boots on.
	And this guy has military boots on.
	That was weird.
	The way that they're acting towards him after that is pretty strange, too.
	Yeah, I didn't know.
	There's like an amount of camaraderie there.
	It's almost like he pats his back right here.
	There you go.
	Yeah, they did.
	They did pat his shoulder.
	And then they go over there, and then now they're pointing to him like, look, hey, look, check this out.
	Like over there, you know?
	Yeah, yeah, okay.
	That looks like a group of buddies.
	Wait, go back.
	They literally did pat him on the shoulder.
	There you go, but they're there.
	See that?
	And then again.
	Didn't arrest him.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	He has his hands behind his back because he's like, you know, as a Fed, I'm not going to resist arrest.
	Yeah.
	I know how this is.
	Right.
	And they're like, oh, over here?
	Did you drop something?
	They're really bad at this acting, aren't they?
	You couldn't get the right shoes.
	Yeah, we just got a group of homies around him.
	Yeah, guys, at least cuff him and put him in the squad car and then say, well, let's drive you around the block.
	You blew his cover.
	And this is hard to explain, but the way he sort of bumped into the guy, isn't that like a military cop kind of a vibe?
	I see what you mean.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	All right, let's get to the mailbag.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a death.
	Let's turn our eyes together.
	Let me touch it.
	I haven't been going to the gym recently because I can't take the fucking heat and these assholes won't let the owner turn on the AC because they want to lose weight.
	Remember Dream Machine?
	Yeah.
	He sent me an email.
	I think I'll have to forward it to you.
	It says, he sort of updates me on the music scene.
	And remember, Dream Machine, they were a band who were totally canceled, fired from their label, deplatformed, de-everythinged because his immigrant wife, who's a keyboardist, said, I don't know, I'm kind of happy that ICE is rounding up MS-13 and stuff.
	I mean, they're here illegally, aren't they?
	That was the end of them.
	That was the end of them.
	They dared to disparage MS-13.
	Hey, Gavin, some scrapy stuff's been going on within the music scene.
	Burger Records is freaking out because some guy in their label got accused of sexual assault with no actual proof, of course.
	And others are pissed about their festival, Burger Boogaloo, because there's an alt-right group called the Boogaloo Boys.
	You can't make this shit up.
	Then this chick from a band called Cherry Glazer said she got raped in quotation marks by the guy from the Buttertones when she lied about how her age, when she lied about her age when she was 14.
	She told him she was 16 and banged a guy who was 20.
	Years later, like 10 years later now, she made a huge fuss about it.
	It was consensual.
	The guy's record label dropped them and they were practically unpersoned.
	All social media banned, dropped from label, gone from existence.
	Even the other band members who had nothing to do with it.
	By the way, guess what Cherry Glazer means?
	That's the name of the girl.
	A man ejaculating into the hymen of a virgin girl.
	They might as well have called themselves the rape lovers.
	So this girl names herself after a hymen-covered semen and then complains 10 years after about a sexual encounter.
	Nobody wants to hear them out.
	It's pretty infuriating.
	They just take this girl's word for it.
	Check it out.
	It's all deleted.
	Page not found.
	Page not found.
	The next two, yeah, there's two.
	How many times has this happened to us?
	This is the post about the word Boogaloo.
	The comments are cancer, deleted.
	There's the Brooklyn Vegan article about.
	Sherry Glazer's Clem Creevy accuses ex-bandmate Buttertones bassist of statutory rape.
	What a mess.
	And do it when it happens, please.
	Oh, yeah, the band is since it deleted their cigars.
	Don't wait 10 years to complain that you were raped.
	All right.
	Back to the top.
	Oh, here's this.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	Is this it?
	This might be text of the thing that I'm talking about.
	After investigating Burger's roster of artists, she relented, eventually persuading pal Hannah Urib, whose father owns Boyle Heights Bar Eastside Love, to play drums in the band.
	Bassist Sean Redman, 23 and originally from Seattle, asked to join later.
	If at this point you're wondering why a 23-year-old is hanging out with a pair of teenage girls, Creevy's way ahead of you.
	We're dating, she says quickly.
	And though that admission may raise eyebrows, Urib breaks the awkwardness.
	We're all dating, actually, she jokes.
	Oh, she can joke about it.
	Redman describes Creevy as the anti-Disney channel poster child.
	He had early demos of songs such as Grilled Cheese when the f- I don't fucking care.
	All I know is that all of this political correctness is making it such that when you go to see a show that you heard about on Brooklyn Vegan, every member of the band feels the same way.
	And that's the same as you about politics.
	That's Soviet.
	That's Northern Korea.
	You know, when I was a young man, we had songs that sounded totally Nazi-ish, and we didn't know if the guy was playing a character.
	Like, there was this hardcore band, you'll never find him, Honest Injun, in Ottawa.
	And they had a song called Fatherland America, and their very PCs still are.
	Dave Aardvark was the singer.
	And it said, America crushed Germany to save its pretty face.
	The whole world's now the fatherland.
	The whole world's now a no-fun place.
	The whole world's now a Jewish race.
	And we were just moshing and we didn't know if he was saying a Nazi thing.
	We didn't care.
	It was just like, this is weird talk.
	Or there was a band called The Forgotten Rebels, and they had a song called Bomb the Boats.
	Bomb the boats, feed the fish, and it was about the boat people.
	Was he being a character, or was he seriously saying we should bomb the boat people?
	We were 18.
	We didn't give a shit.
	Yeah, bomb the boats.
	I don't fucking care.
	It starts "I don't want no foreign prick to take my job away from me" The lyrics They were really good bands to check them out.
	I don't take my job away from me.
	Now, I think he said that he was doing a character because he heard someone talking like that.
	But I've also seen him wear shirts that say like bomb Iraq and stuff.
	But that was the beauty of the 80s.
	They were all over the place.
	We didn't have this synonymity that you have today.
	Johnny Ramon hated communism.
	The Ramones hated communism.
	That was cool.
	And then there was communist bands like Billy Bragg.
	That was cool, too.
	We had a plethora.
	Or We're the Meatmen and You Suck.
	That whole album would be so impossible to put out today.
	I'm Glad I'm Not a Girl.
	They Sit Down to Pee.
	Or he has a song about I Sin for a Living.
	The guy at Tesco V, that's him right there.
	He was a teacher.
	And he had a song about fucking his students called Burn the Little Panties Off a New Bounds with Their Buns and Burner.
	Slim on that maturity, but Jesus fuck, their tits are firmer.
	Pick them up for Greece too, but by God, they've gone to Driver's Ed.
	That's okay, because mom will dork me in her queen-sized parents' bed.
	I sin for a living, I sin for a living.
	Off the record about that.
	I forgot I did that.
	Oh, yeah.
	How did you do that free speech thing?
	What do you mean?
	Oh, yeah, just After Effects.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Yeah.
	So yeah, you're ruining your own life.
	You're taking all the color out of everything.
	Why do you want everyone to be gray communists?
	Why do you want your music to be Stalinist?
	It's not fun.
	This is from TJ, St. Louis.
	Check out this mural.
	That might have been the shirt that killed us if we got that get off my lawn shirt up.
	That's paint.
	It's hate to defend your home.
	It's hate to not let people kill you.
	This is South Africa, by the way.
	Check out this mural that was painted over in St. Louis.
	Take the politics out of it.
	That is terrible.
	No wonder her neighbors thought it was graffiti done by some punk kids.
	Look how shitty that is.
	That's a mural?
	Was it done by four-year-olds?
	Looks like a mierda.
	Spanish for sure.
	Normally when something is very clearly a mural, Operation Brightside will leave it alone.
	But in this case, it appeared the mural itself had been defaced.
	Here's Instagram of the artist.
	What is it, a woman and her kid?
	I believe so.
	It's so bad.
	Look, the shirt doesn't even cover.
	Oh, is that his shirt, like, rolled up?
	Is that like a detail?
	No, I don't think so.
	I think they just fucked up.
	Wait, who is the artist?
	Is it the woman?
	Couldn't tell you.
	She is brutally talentless.
	Yeah, it's the it's I think it's that woman.
	Wait, is that a detail?
	No.
	Or is it a kid?
	I can't tell if it's a kid or not.
	Yeah, by the way, that wasn't a detail of his arm being rolled up.
	That's just shit.
	I can't tell who did this.
	I think she does it together with her kid.
	Well, he doesn't look like he's tall enough to get to the afro part.
	Maybe they had a stepstool or something, but if we're just going on son team, and they're both 100% devoid of talent.
	Here's some other art.
	Jeez.
	Wow.
	Imagine being like a big Black Lives Matter person in St. Louis where there's a gang murder every day at least.
	I know a surgeon who, when he got out of med school, he said, I want to work in an ER that is the most challenging thing imaginable.
	Oh, she adopted some Peruvian kid.
	No, Guatemala.
	She adopted a Guatemalan kid, and now she wears Guatemalan clothes and uses him as a fashion accessory and takes him to rallies.
	And her name is Catherine Bernhardt.
	Why Catherine Bernhardt's freewilling paintings attract collectors of all kinds?
	Fuck, you're a dumb gun.
	Catherine Bernhardt is her name.
	What a useless pig.
	And she goes and buys a little boy and then uses him as an accessory.
	There's Bernie.
	That's one of the most deplorable things that human beings can do.
	Like, you know, Maya?
	No, what is that woman who wears the bangs over her head?
	Saya?
	She adopted black kids.
	Oh, really?
	As a status symbol.
	Or what's her name?
	The South African woman who's every there's like three movies.
	I was looking at on demand last night.
	There's about three movies of her kicking the living shit out of people.
	Charlize Theron.
	Charlize Theron.
	Okay.
	Sean Hawk.
	Oops.
	Said his name.
	I noticed you guys often use Reddit for funny freakout videos.
	The subreddit, Public Freakouts, has a lot of good stuff too, but too many lefty moderators.
	I noticed they start clips late with no context.
	If you want to see real good shit, use our actual public freakouts.
	They're much less politically biased.
	Dude, you couldn't have come at a better time.
	That's great.
	Because just today, I was watching going, I can't come here anymore.
	Yeah.
	Go pull up public freakouts.
	Here's actual.
	Okay, pull up public.
	At one point, they're talking about an Antifa and they go, comrade.
	And when they talk about cops, they say pigs.
	It's an Antifa site now.
	Okay, Michael Picard.
	So already they're revering this guy.
	This is like an anti-cop activist who's always getting busted for fucking with cops.
	Michael Picard crashes a rally with an all pigs matter sign.
	That's clearly portrayed as cool.
	Keep going.
	No.
	Oh, look at this one.
	This is what protests in Portland look like before the tear gas comes out.
	That's just patently false.
	They're not peaceful.
	City boys Fail to check wind, gas themselves, forced to leave.
	They're not forced to leave.
	They're wearing gas masks, by the way.
	They don't care which way the wind goes.
	That's all of this?
	PA man racially profiled and arrested for riding a bike to the cash register in Walmart.
	We don't know the whole story there, but public Reddit sure seems to.
	Riding a bike to the cash register?
	What's your destination?
	This is a shootout that they make sound cool.
	Keep going.
	How to stop a preacher.
	This is all how awesome it is to shit on some Christian guy.
	Not that one.
	It's not relevant.
	Ryan, please listen to me.
	Not relevant.
	There's that same story again.
	That's an oldie but a goodie.
	Keep going.
	Lots of racist tirates.
	And you'll never see a racist tirade from a black dude on Public Freakout.
	It's always a Karen or a redneck.
	Keep going.
	Guy making fun of cops as he gets busted.
	Racist.
	That's a white racist.
	That's an oldie but a goodie.
	Apolitical.
	That's an ad.
	That's not relevant.
	Not relevant.
	But it's always a white fan.
	I don't care about Hong Kong.
	Karen.
	Police officers attack protesters running away.
	You see, it's all that kind of propaganda.
	Murdered by Phoenix police officer.
	Not relevant.
	It just goes on.
	Oldie but a goodie.
	Keep going.
	Special sauce at the left.
	Oh, okay.
	Don't show it.
	Yeah.
	So I quit.
	Happy belated 60th, G-Dog.
	Do you want to check out actual?
	Sure.
	All right.
	Portland rioters attack officer making unlawful arrest.
	Okay.
	That seems to be pointing out their attacking man shot after pulling gun.
	I don't know if we want to show that.
	Oh, that's old as hail.
	Yeah, we'll see it.
	We'll see it on our own time.
	Thank you.
	Hey, Gavin and Ryan.
	I think it's really telling how disingenuous these Antifa protesters are.
	When they yell, get the plate number after someone drives through there, defund the police protest.
	What are they going to do with the plate number?
	Who do they think they're going to give it to?
	Obviously, the cops.
	I like my sunglasses more than a friend.
	This is from Marjan.
	How did you not do this for your 50th?
	We were rolling 700 boats deep.
	See, attached.
	Yes, I had a buddy go to that, but I was having my birthday party that day.
	So it was either sit on a boat with one pal or be in a bar with 100% of my pals.
	I think we have a boat thing coming up.
	If you're down.
	You know what's really weird about the boating scene in New York?
	It's working class.
	And I'm talking about $100,000 boats.
	Usually those boats would be a cop.
	But all of these boats, ranging in price, I'd say from like used six, seven grand to $150,000, all blue collars.
	Maybe these cop pensions are a little too good.
	Just kidding, cops.
	Here's a letter from David.
	You have to fire Jacob Wall.
	And he's got the article we just talked about.
	I'll get right on that.
	Here's Liliana, Child Trafficking Wayfair.
	No content.
	No content.
	That's weird.
	I just flew in from Chernobyl, and boy are my arms, legs.
	That's okay.
	That's not bad.
	Pretty good.
	Chicago has gone to the dogs, but this song is great.
	It's my understanding, too, that the singer is against all this lib stuff.
	What do you do when you know it's true But you can't see through And everything is falling apart What do you say What do they call them?
	The rubs.
	The rubs.
	Must be hard to be a band.
	Every name is taken.
	You gotta call yourself the rubs.
	This is from Ryan.
	Not Ryan, who works here, obviously, a different Ryan.
	I'm not seeing that.
	It's brand new.
	Hey, Gavin, I was wondering what your thoughts are on dating apps like Tinder with bars and gyms close to my area, as well as working from home.
	My opportunities to get out, people are limited.
	Is this a good option?
	So, do you have any tips on being more successful, such as Witty Bios?
	I would keep politics out of it, especially if you're in New York City.
	I have no problem with it.
	I mean, when I met my wife, she knew about me through Vice, and I had fucked this chick that she worked with in San Francisco.
	So I had already left my calling card and a few pussies around her.
	That's a form of a dating app.
	She's just more efficient at it.
	Why don't you do dating apps?
	Through word of bang?
	I don't, because I don't want to.
	Well, that's a great answer.
	You should host a talk show.
	I don't like that idea.
	Uh-huh.
	I thought about it, and then I said, I don't like that.
	You've still given us zero information.
	I haven't got past the initial distaste for the idea.
	Still nothing.
	I don't find any reason to come up with reasons for not liking that.
	I just don't like that.
	You have to.
	Give me five reasons why you don't like dicks.
	You just kind of have an innate.
	I'm not gay.
	I'm naturally biologically against.
	I'm not an online dater.
	That doesn't make sense.
	Why not?
	Because I'm not interested in it.
	Why?
	Why don't you start playing video games?
	Why do you not like video games?
	Because it's for infants.
	Video games are plenty of little kids to live vicariously through someone else.
	My time is valuable.
	I'm an adult.
	I can't afford to be sitting around going pew, psewo, pew, pew, like a fucking child.
	I'd rather use my time reading, learning more, even listening to like Tucker or Stern.
	I'm learning more about my craft.
	So my time is valuable.
	That's why I don't play video games.
	Why don't you use dating apps?
	But would you ever go to a bar for a couple hours?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	That switches my life.
	I hear stories I can use on the show.
	Would you want to trade that for Sitting at home talking, like trying to negotiate a way to drink with people, or would you rather go to the bar and then just see what happens there?
	I'm not single.
	If I was single, I would be using any possible way I could to get laid and to find a chick.
	Any possible way?
	Well, I wouldn't pay for prostitutes.
	That's depressing.
	Let's say you were looking for any way to have consensual intercourse.
	Yes.
	If you're 31 years old, should you start kind of looking into getting a family and settling down?
	You can do that through a dating app.
	Okay, but do you think a dating app is you're meeting somebody with a propensity to keep meeting people?
	Do you think they're trying to settle down or are they trying to fuck?
	I don't think women generally are trying to fuck.
	I think they're generally...
	No, no women are really, truly sluts unless they're addicted to meth.
	All women want a man.
	They want to settle down.
	And if they live in a weird neighborhood or there's not a lot of guys around, like your neighborhood.
	Is it weird to say I don't want to ever say that we met with a dating app?
	I would hate that.
	Why?
	I don't like that idea.
	It sounds like.
	I'm not saying that.
	That's no new information.
	I don't need to give anyone new information.
	If someone says I don't like spicy food because it's too spicy, it hurts my tongue.
	Yeah, I don't like dating apps because it's too much work for something I don't want, which is a question about dating for you.
	You're not attracted to sluts.
	You don't want STDs and you feel like they attract whores.
	Yeah, and when I was in a band, my least favorite part was networking on the computer for something that I like to do like this.
	I like to do like this, and I like to do like this.
	And I don't like to do like this.
	So I'm just trying to do the things I like to do.
	And it just seems nerdy to advertise yourself like, I like this, this is who I am, and post a picture like that.
	It's just fucking gay.
	But you're on Instagram all the time punching with cigars going.
	That's for my friends to be like, that's what he's up to.
	Smoking a cigar at the beach.
	I don't like the idea of putting myself out there like, you put yourself out there relentlessly.
	Oh, she messed, she messaged me.
	Fuck that.
	It's like Tamagotchi.
	It's like the gayest straight thing ever.
	It's the closest to gay you can get while doing something straight.
	All right.
	Dating ass.
	Let's get to the final video.
	You got to learn how to express yourself better.
	Let's start with the comments on this video.
	Try not to show the title and try to go right into the comments.
	Because YouTube comments suck.
	Hit pause so it doesn't play.
	Hit pause.
	You blew it.
	All right.
	I'm disappointed in myself that I gave this a click.
	I'm going to take some time to self-reflect, learn from this mistake, and be better in the future.
	The worst special effects I've ever seen in my life.
	How did he do that?
	This show was made for dudes who hold a pencil with their whole fist.
	The guy who filmed the continuous shot was the same dude who was working the security camera when Epstein didn't kill himself.
	Imagine being one of the crew at the end and having to pretend to be excited.
	Mom, can we stop for some magic?
	No, we have magic at home.
	Magic at home.
	Why was this ever approved to go on the air?
	This is me, not a double, not a twin, only one of me.
	One is too much.
	This felt like a parody, but it's the actual show.
	They really waste millions of dollars to produce this garbage.
	Pretty certain this is Tommy Wizo's attempt at a career in magic.
	All of these comments are top quality.
	They're pretty good.
	I don't even read YouTube comments because they're always some 12-year-old going, fag.
	When he's celebrating in the cage, possibly the most pathetic scene in the history of magic, only to be outdone 10 seconds later when you realize he's forced the crew to play along too.
	Okay, so shall we watch Chris Angel jump from a thing, a little car that has a roof.
	So I don't know how he gets out of the car.
	It's magic.
	If it was a convertible with an eject button, maybe.
	I think Chris Angel got really addicted to Coke because he was living in Vegas.
	It's boring.
	There's endless cocaine there.
	I think he's from Long Island.
	Coke right there.
	I mean, this concept for this was probably greatest, the most insane thing in my career.
	No one stopped them.
	The Grand Canyon Death Jump.
	This is incredible.
	Chris is going to try and jump off the edge of a canyon.
	That's also an empty canyon below him.
	And a helicopter hovering.
	I like how he's standing on the edge of that thing like it's dangerous, but there's 10 feet before it gets to the cliff.
	All right, so if he fell, he might hurt his leg.
	What is he wearing?
	The first is the ramp I'm walking down.
	It is literally 20 feet tall, 60 feet long, and will be my direct route to the edge of the canyon.
	At the base of the ramp, we have a specially designed T-Ref, capable of going from zero to Do you crawl out the side?
	I can't.
	How does he get out of that?
	It's magic.
	Physics doesn't apply to magic.
	60 and less than 50.
	Okay, but even if we're defying physics, does his molecules separate like the flash?
	And then he reforms his body on the other side?
	That's probably a secret.
	Well, that's way cooler than jumping into a jail cell.
	If you can put your arm through a table by separating your molecules, just do that.
	Right, yeah.
	I don't care about a jail cell on a helicopter.
	Yeah, go through that thing.
	You're welcome.
	You can defy physics.
	That's better than any stunt.
	Let me just see the roof part.
	Beyond God.
	Every car is a convertible for you.
	You just disprove God.
	That's not magic.
	That's just driving.
	It's a six-sided steel cell.
	Think of it as a jail cell.
	Okay.
	It's not hard to think about it.
	The only difference is that it will be a flying jail cell.
	With an A on it.
	So I thought it was open, and the whole construct was I'm going to jump out of this car and then land in the cell and close the cell.
	But it's not.
	I defy physics.
	My molecules go through the roof of the car.
	Then again, and then I soar through the air.
	And then again, I zroomp, like the Terminator When he's liquid, I zroomp into the jail cell.
	The T1000, yeah.
	So he's separated his molecules twice.
	That's very impressive.
	Just notice there's five angles of this.
	And by the way, if you can separate molecules, fuck the jail cell.
	Just drive off the cliff, turn your molecules into ants.
	That's pretty cool.
	And then reform at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
	I'll see if he has a contact email.
	You're wasting your molecule skills.
	Why don't you just walk into the Federal Reserve?
	Well, you got to get the gold out.
	Can you separate other molecules?
	Manned cameras.
	We have unmanned cameras.
	A total of 23 and all of that.
	A total of 23 cameras.
	That's important, I think.
	We have cameras made of chocolate cake.
	We have cameras at home.
	We have cameras underwater.
	You are a camera.
	You're talking to a camera right now.
	You're watching this through the eyes of a camera.
	Wait, what was that he mentioned?
	What about the camera?
	There'll be more than 30 pounds of explosives that will go off.
	Somehow, some way, I must end up in that locked jail cell.
	Let's do this.
	So you're going to hit the ramp, and then for some unexplained reason, you're going to set off explosives when you hit the ramp.
	Did Evil Can Evil ever do that?
	Why would you set off explosives on a ramp?
	Is that to explode the ramp after?
	Does that help propel you if your ramps are?
	Oh, maybe.
	That's a good idea.
	Run, Chris.
	Run.
	Maybe he uses the phosphorus.
	We don't have a lot of time.
	Yeah, it's a helicopter.
	Run!
	Get into your weird thing.
	Yeah, wait, why don't you?
	Don't put on a seatbelt, by the way.
	That's just more things you got to get out of.
	Now he's got to drive off the ramp and reposition himself to get back on the ramp.
	Yep.
	Can they just position this?
	Wow.
	This is going to be incredible, guys.
	I can't believe we're watching this together.
	Physics is going to be defied twice.
	I just don't get why there's explosives on the ramp.
	How does that help him?
	Can't wait to see this from all angles, too.
	But to make sure he doesn't cheat, we have a continuous shot.
	So you'll see there'll be no editing.
	No camera tricks whatsoever.
	Those posts all have dynamite in them.
	Don't know.
	Wait, he has a safety volume.
	Why would you do that?
	For safety.
	I want you to see that this is me.
	It's not a double.
	It's not a squid.
	It's only one of eight.
	Wait, you would kill your twin?
	What the fuck would it matter if you had a twin in there?
	Yeah, I'm killing my twin.
	It's too dangerous for me.
	I'm going to sacrifice my brother.
	I'm a newly only child.
	You don't have a secret twin we've never heard about?
	Chris, why'd you give me all these tattoos?
	Why bother putting a helmet on?
	In case you bonk your head?
	Also, how are you going to get the helmet through the jail cell thing?
	We should have no helmet on.
	Somebody should take your sunglasses.
	The helmet might be the stupidest part of this entire thing.
	Okay.
	Flynn, I'm set.
	Chris, it's very windy up here.
	I'm trying to keep it as steady as I can.
	Don't worry about it.
	I defy physics.
	You could be spinning it.
	I want you to go, Michael.
	Get a continuous shot.
	Okay, continuous shot.
	Continuous shot.
	Continuous shot.
	Do not take your eyes off him, folks.
	Folks at home, don't worry.
	Let's have a helmet on.
	Let's do this.
	Three.
	Two.
	Here it is, guys.
	Let's do this.
	Gotta get more speed.
	Oh!
	The crew must be thrilled to have seen this live with their own eyes.
	Oh.
	They must be.
	I mean, I, for one, I'd be puking.
	I'd be screaming.
	I'd think he was Jesus.
	I'd be burning up my Bible.
	We got to see more of those.
	Look how thrilled they are.
	23 camera angles.
	Why was that the only one that we saw?
	Yeah, can we see some other camera angles?
	The flames obstructed the camera view.
	I don't think they did.
	You did it, dude.
	Yeah.
	Now here's 23 angles of me getting out of the thing.
	All right.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	Woohoo.
	Oh, and there's a piece of paper.
	I wouldn't do a side hug if someone just out miracle to Jesus.
	I'd be going full-on frontal hug.
	I'd probably start humping him.
	I'd bring my sick aunt.
	I'd be like, can you help her?
	Don't do cocaine, folks.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.

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