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May 25, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:13:14
S02E167 - DON'T SAY ＂DISPROPORTIONATE＂ [2020-05-25 - S02E167 - DON'T SAY ＂DISPROPORTIONATE＂]
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I'm from New York That was Generals and Majors by XTC very successful band.
I had a lot of hits.
Making plans for Nigel.
Ring any bells?
Were they from New Zealand?
But this video is the shittiest video ever made.
Richard Branson, who ran Virgin Records, decided, I want to be in your video.
Like, imagine your boss goes, hey, you guys are shooting that Generals and Majors video?
I want to be in it.
Make me one of the generals.
What?
It doesn't even fit the part.
They all have big mustaches.
And then there's Richard Branson.
What a twat.
Record label owners.
They're just like stockbrokers.
They're just money babysitters.
Look at this.
What are you talking about?
What are you doing?
I think Richard Branson.
Yeah, that's him in the water, is it?
What a dork.
Yeah, that's him there.
What a dork.
He's like that Chinese billionaire.
He's another loser billionaire.
This is new to me.
I didn't know there could be such a thing as billionaire losers.
Like, I don't want to hang out with him.
Hey, Gavin, it's Richard.
I've got a helicopter coming to pick you up to take you to my private island where we're having a party.
No, thank you.
I'm fine.
I'd rather just go to a bar.
Holy shit.
It's Memorial Day.
Have to keep that in mind.
Generals and majors.
I didn't have to wear this.
You have this on your head.
So a...
How does this work again?
You have this on your head.
So a bullet doesn't go into your brain.
Fuck, I'm stupid.
I can't...
There we go.
You're just in a trench.
Can we get some more respect, please, for the Civil War?
I think it was about wanting to maintain the Union.
Because Lincoln said...
said if I could maintain the union without freeing one slave I would do it sounds like it's not about slavery to me however the narrative from 99% of the population is it was about slavery okay you can have that but if it was about slavery 650,000 Men died liberating slaves, according to your own narrative.
That's the equivalent of 5 million people today.
How about a thank you?
We had an American Holocaust to rescue black Americans.
And we're just known as the racist assholes.
Piece of shit, garbage.
Who hunt blacks for sport.
I saw Ashley Gropenberg got fired because Jared Holt put the pressure on.
This guy's job is to get conservatives fired.
That's one, two.
And it's in the name of fighting hate.
So he's all about defending armed robbery.
Armed robbery.
Because, let me just give you his perspective.
So that guy was an innocent guy.
I don't know if he was jogging or not.
But he's a sweetheart.
And he's running down the street.
And these redneck cowboys just go, hey boy.
And then he goes, wait, what are you?
That's his version, right?
So Ashley Gropenberg goes, actually, no.
He was a career criminal.
And he wore a summer parka with no shirt.
And we get to a better picture of this armed robbery guy.
That's racist.
What you're doing there is you're smearing.
Look at what you're saying.
Seeing people watch this and then say this was a lynching and cold-blooded murder may be what ends up making my mask come off completely.
Permanently.
By the way, Jared Holt is such a pussy and such a woman that he writes like a woman.
That article saying, I got her fired, you guys, is nine million words long.
And there's no structure to it.
It's just like, here are all my notes.
And now he's got her fired, unemployed.
Look at his fucking face.
You're the third result, the fourth result when you Google him.
Oh, good.
Yeah, I really feel good about that confrontation.
Yeah.
I still don't know if he's gay.
I mean, I would hate him less if he was gay because at least there'd be an excuse for his femininity.
Look at that face.
Does he think that's a good picture?
Don't put that out, dude.
Burn it.
Oh, my.
Burn the negative.
Remember that biking picture?
Oh, yeah.
That was good.
Those weird legs.
So, anyway, that's his whole point is that she smeared Ahmed Arbery with hate facts.
And that was not fair because this guy is getting worse and worse the more we look into him.
And he also implies in that article, by the way, that the first thing we do when we, us right-wingers, the first thing we do when there's a victim, a black, a victim of racism, a black victim, is we portray him as evil and a criminal and say he deserved it.
No.
We mock you for choosing such shitty heroes, such terrible victims.
Trayvon Martin beat the shit out of George Zimmerman and made it, made a shooting all but inevitable.
Eric Garner said this ends now and regrets.
refused to comply with the police i can't do that you think if i get pulled over for drunk driving i can just go this ends now and they'll go oh well he told us that it ends now we gave you a bona fide black victim i already forgot his name i'm embarrassed to say but it was the title of a an app an episode from a few back uh You didn't care about that because it wasn't in the swing state.
It wasn't politically viable.
And that's really what all of this shit comes down to.
How can I use these blacks, James Craig Anderson?
How can I use these blacks to further my political cause?
And Biden actually accidentally peeled back the curtain and said, if you don't vote for me, you ain't black.
What does that mean?
That means I only see blacks who are Democrats.
The others don't exist.
In other words, you're my pet.
You're my doggy.
And we saw them get mad at their doggies when they voted against Prop 8 in California.
And they said, actually, I'm really Christian and gay marriage kind of sketches me out.
I'm a 70-year-old black lady.
So I don't want to do it.
And they said, what did the DNC say after that?
They said, bad doggy, no.
And they put them in a kennel.
And they got a new dog called trans.
And the problem with rescues is you don't know where they're coming from.
And I think they quickly learned, uh, trans people are fucking mental patients.
And I thought they were the perfect victims because so many of them die, but I looked into it and they're all like meth heads fighting their thug boyfriends who are raping them.
And then they're stabbing another trans.
And this is a mess.
I want my old pet back.
And so they tried to get the old pet and it sort of worked.
But it's bonafide.
You know what this makes me think of?
This, that with Craig James Anderson there, we showed you bona fide racism.
There are examples of racism.
There are genuine patterns in America of race hatred.
And whenever I show them to people, they go, I don't like that kind.
I want this kind.
I want NYPD to be racist.
Okay, but you're turning them into monsters and that's getting them killed, right?
We had Wen Jian Liu and Rafael Ramos murdered, a Hispanic and a Chinese cop murdered in their cars because of that narrative that the NYPD is racist.
You murdered them.
The media is responsible for that death.
But I can be black.
Look, I'm going to put this shirt on and I'm going to show you real victims.
Should we do this?
I love majors Chips So good news.
There was a third arrest in the Ahmed Arbury case.
The guy who filmed it, who brought it to our attention, was just arrested and charged with murder, which is fantastic because there is a pattern going on here.
And in this case, it was white people hunting black joggers like some sort of dystopian safari.
And I'm glad it came to the news and I'm glad we heard about it.
But there's a lot of stories we don't hear about for some strange reason.
Like this beautiful woman, Martha McKay.
This just happened.
Now, this woman, about 24 years ago, this piece of shit, Travis Lewis, he murdered her mother and her cousin for no apparent reason.
He got 28 years, and Martha, being a good Christian, let's go back to her.
I don't want to see his face.
Martha, being a good Christian woman, forgave him, actually petitioned to have him let out sooner than 28.
He ended up getting out in 24 years.
And then you know what she did with the good of her heart?
She had him work at her inn that she runs, a bed and breakfast.
And he repaid her by robbing her of $10,000 and stabbing her to death.
Barely any coverage in the news whatsoever.
And another example of the pattern here, and this just happened a month previous.
This postal worker, Angela Summers, 45, was gunned down by a guy named Tony Cushingberry.
This piece of shit killed her.
And we're finding out now it was likely because she was late with his, whatever that stupid check was that we have for the coronavirus.
Stimulus check.
Now here's, this is, and so that's the two just this month.
But I want to show you that this pattern has been going on for a long time.
Back in 2011, we had this Norwegian guy or Serbian or something, Nikozi Thandue, and he said, I'm going to kill black people today.
That was his goal.
He made it clear.
He'd been learning about all the horrible things black people do in school.
And he just brought a gun, shot these three strangers on the street.
And Brittany Watts died in Georgia.
But one of the most shocking cases I dug up, and I hadn't heard of this, but it was in 2007.
This beautiful young couple in their early 20s, Channon Christian, that's the girl, and that guy, Christopher Newsom, were attacked by a mob of these five disgusting individuals.
I'm shocked that a woman was involved in this murder because wait till you hear the details.
So that, go back to that cute black couple.
I don't want to look at those scumbags.
They were leaving an apartment together on the evening of January 6, 2007 to go to a friend's party when they were abducted by that mob we just showed and then tortured, murdered, raped for two days.
Eventually murdered.
For two days.
Newsom's body, that's the guy, right?
Yeah.
Newsom's body was discovered near a set of nearby railroad tracks.
He had been bound, blindfolded, gagged, and stripped naked from the waist down.
He had been shot in the back of the head, neck, and back, and his body had been set on fire.
According to the testimony of the Knox County Acting Medical Examiner at the trial of Eric Boyd, Newsom was sodomized with an object and raped by a person.
Police believe these actions took place at the house, and his body was later wrapped in a bandit.
What they did to this poor girl is even worse, if you can imagine.
Christian died after hours of torture, sustaining traumatic brain injuries and suffering injuries to her vagina, anus, and mouth due to repeated sexual assault over two days.
Before killing her, in an effort to remove DNA evidence, her attackers poured bleach down her throat and scrubbed her body with it.
That's not what killed her, though.
She was bound with curtains and strips of bedding with her face covered with a trash Bag and her body stashed in five large other trash bags.
These were placed inside a residential waste disposal unit and covered with sheets and garbage from Wendy's.
The medical examiner said there was evidence that Christian slowly suffocated to death.
So this pattern of racism, racial hate, hate crimes has been going on for a long time.
It didn't end with Jim Crow.
It didn't end with slavery.
And even just this weekend, we see that there was a guy who says, I like to beat up old black people.
He works at a nursing home and he films himself beating vulnerable elderly black people.
Now, NSFW, this is really harsh to watch.
In fact, don't play it so we can show this on YouTube.
But we have footage of the...
That's a black guy beating up old white people.
Wait a minute.
Did you totally screw up these notes?
No, that's the person who did it.
That was what?
Who's Martha McKay at the beginning?
Oh, no, no, no.
This is Martha McKay, you dumbass.
That's the one who got stabbed after getting robbed by Travis Lewis.
Where's Travis Lewis?
It's that guy.
Dude, what the fuck have you done here?
What about the postal worker, Angela Summers?
That's her.
She wasn't an activist?
That's Tony Cushingberry?
Oh, please tell me the Norwegian was Norwegian.
No, I think he's African or something.
Oh my God.
The Tennessee murders, that must...
These guys.
That was the group of people that killed.
That's who did it?
The dumpsters.
And who were the victims?
These poor people.
You fucking idiot.
That totally destroys the whole pattern.
What are you doing?
I ask you to do research and you don't know what the hell you're doing.
Where did I go?
Put me back.
What is this?
This is a graph, and it's actually a bigger gap once you factor in how disproportionate the population is.
Told you not to say disproportionate.
*Dramatic Music*
Way to go, shit lips.
Look at this.
Look at this.
Oh, it's cracked.
You broke the fucking camera.
I did?
Yes.
Wow.
Disproportionate.
I guess in so many ways.
I don't like noticing patterns.
It's racist.
You only choose things where the black guy is the victim, like a jogger.
Like pretend that Mike Brown had his hands up.
Or if you're talking about Trayvon, find a picture of him when he's a little kid.
And make sure it's not clear that Trayvon Martin is over six feet tall.
Make him look like a little child.
And the same with Ahmed Arbry.
Find his graduation picture where he has a little bow tie.
Don't show him in his summer parka.
Can you fix the viewfinder on this thing?
My boiler blew on Friday.
Let's get down to some important news.
My boiler blew on Friday.
So it's Friday, 5 p.m.
Friday, 5 p.m., a pandemic Memorial Day weekend.
So I'm going to have no hot water till probably at least a week, right?
And then I remember, wait a minute, I know plumbers.
It's so important at my age to have a guy.
You need to have a guy for that.
And that's what you do as an adult male dad.
You accrue guys.
And it's not, you're not using them, but you just socialize with people and you're like, oh, you do that?
Oh, okay.
And then if they need you, like I'll loan out my green screen for a friend or if someone needs something to film, I'll lend them my Ryan.
So I'm a guy for people.
And then I have guys.
So this plumber dude comes by and he says, I'll open the shop.
I'll get the tank.
Don't worry about it.
Charges me $1,700.
Total, total, total.
And it's not an easy thing to do.
Because there's gas that heats the boiler.
So you have to attach the gas, make sure there's no leaks.
Then you have to attach the water coming in, the water going out.
Those are copper pipes.
Those all have to be welded and they have to match, obviously.
Oh, you got that Jared Holt photo?
Oh, boy.
Sup.
You know what?
He could be is mentally ill.
Like he's an autistic kid.
And they just sort of sicked him on mythical Nazis.
Look at those legs.
What an absolute twat.
Did you almost puke?
I mean, they're bad, but that's pretty.
Where are the calves?
What's up with them?
Whatever.
The way he rides his bike is 90% thigh.
Go up a bit?
What are his tattoos?
I think they're flowers.
I thought it was unethical to tattoo emu legs.
The grateful dead.
We'll all be grateful when you die, Jared.
You fucking listen.
Oh, man.
And they took out the old boy.
Here's something.
This is boring dad talk.
And this is what men talk about in bars, by the way.
You want to go behind the scenes into Dadland?
Someone came by and picked up my old boiler.
How is that financially viable?
There's a little bit of copper on it.
We know copper is really expensive, right?
But steel is going for like pennies a pound.
So it weighs it.
It's not that much steel, right?
It's just a sheet, a round sheet, obviously.
It's hollow.
It's for boiling water.
And I'm thinking, there's no way this guy could get more than five bucks for this.
But he waits outside in his truck and we load it in.
Like the plumber that I was with gave him a big bucket of old copper just to make his trip worth it.
But I don't get the economics of that.
And then I was talking to another dad.
I call him C Kifa because he's South African.
And people don't get that South Africans, they don't, it's not that they think blacks are lesser than them.
They think everyone's lesser than them.
Boers.
Everyone is a kifa, which is the N-word over there.
You're either a boar or you're human garbage.
Like they don't like Russians or Spanish people or Germans.
So when he was dating this girl, this boar, shoot the boar.
Shoot the kill.
The father found out and he goes, why are you dating a Sikifa?
Because he's from Greece.
So they see Greeks as sea niggers.
That's a bit rich.
So every time I see him, I call him Sikifa.
Anyway, he told me that he was replacing all these boilers in these buildings in New York.
And they would call the scrapyard and they'd say, if you come down here, you can get the used boiler for free, but you got to help me bring in the new one.
They never lifted, and the things are heavy.
They're probably like 100 pounds.
they never lifted one boiler up or down because the people, the scrap guys were so happy, grin ear to ear, to get this $5 piece of shit.
Am I dumb?
I'm lost.
I don't understand why you would do all that work for $5.
Go work at McDonald's.
You get $15 every single hour.
And free burgers, too.
Can they eat the burgers?
Yeah, you can get it for your lunch break.
Yeah, they'll give you some burgers.
You have no idea what you're talking about.
Well, I've worked at February Dunn.
And we can't show, Ryan, because I stepped on the camera cord and broke it.
Two cameras you've broken.
Well, I've broke it.
We're even with the broken camera.
What did you break?
I guess broke that one that you just threw the can at, and then you broke the other one.
But I've worked at a Dunkin' Donuts before, so you can eat free food.
Of course.
So Dunkin' Donuts has the same policies as McDonald's?
I would think they have an inventory for each patty.
I don't care.
I mean, inventory must be very important to McDonald's.
Anyway.
You can get about 200 or 500 per ton.
Oh, God.
A ton.
You're not getting much money at all.
So 500 per ton.
Look up how much a boiler weighs.
How many tanks are in a ton?
Most traditional tank-style heaters weigh about 150 pounds.
When drained, 2018's rate, you could expect an amount of $30 at the scrapyard.
Realistically, you bring a water heater.
You may only get about $7 to $10, depending on the prices at the scrapyards.
Wow.
$7 to $10.
That guy to drive out to my house, wait outside, get it put in for $17 on a Saturday?
It definitely, top to bottom, was over an hour.
So you're not making a minimum wage.
Go to McDonald's.
McDonald's should always be your baseline, by the way, unless you're starting a new company and you know you're not going to make money for two years.
But as far as like your day-to-day goes, I would always use $15 as a metric.
Anyway, this gets interesting, or at least to me, and I don't care what you think.
Plumbers have different levels, right?
If you can do gas, you have your gas license, you can do this.
If you have your gas inspection license, it keeps going up.
So a loser plumber who's a lazy piece of shit and doesn't get any licenses, barely speaks English, he's looking at like 60 to 70 grand a year.
What?
But as you get licenses and you start getting guys under you and getting good at it, if you will, you're making 250K.
So anyway, the two guys were talking, the owner, who's my buddy, and then he's talking to this guy that works for him.
And he says, I got to do a ton of inspections in the city next week and I don't have time.
It's this seven-hour course.
You should take it.
Eddie should take it.
And then there was this Mexican guy who was working with them who was, you could tell, was just like one tier below both of them.
And he'd be running and getting stuff and they're joking with them, right?
And then it's sort of like the elephant in the room.
Like, why aren't you saying I should take it?
And I would be insulted if I was that guy.
But they go, they look at Carlos and they go, you, and they laugh at the thought of him taking the course.
And then he laughs.
This is profound.
He laughs because he knows that he couldn't pass that course.
And they're all enjoying it together in a fun way.
You have a lower IQ.
You don't speak English very well.
You could never pass that course.
And it's a fact, right?
Now, this is what Charles Murray and Richard Hernstein were trying to get across in that controversial book that has students screaming at Charles Murray for doing a talk about race and IQ.
It's assumed that the point was to say blacks have lower IQs and deserve less and blah, blah, blah.
That's what the assumption is.
That's not what they were going for.
They were talking about patterns with IQ to show you that IQ is basically what you're born with, end of the day.
And what was their impetus for that?
What was their motive?
Their motive was to get back to what I just told you, to get back to the 50s where IQ wasn't seen as a thing.
It wasn't a big deal.
And you still see that in working class New York.
Like my buddy Tommy's a union electrician.
And I go, I think I told you this before, but I go, are you using your vacation house as your primary residence?
Because you should.
Then you can write off your own home as your vacation home.
You just have to make sure the heat is up to 70 the whole winter and it's cost effective.
And he goes, what?
Don't talk to me with that kind of shit.
I'm dumb.
That's Claire.
That's his wife.
I'm dumb.
Like a cool thing.
Remember pencil-necked geeks, nerds?
We used to wedgy nerds?
So I thought it was really cool to see that that is still the way amongst the working folks.
They're still not like, I could be anything.
I need, all you need is a college education.
That's such a crock of shit.
And it's based on such shitty logic.
You know what it's based on?
Well, this guy didn't go to Harvard and he makes 40 grand a year.
This guy went to Harvard and he makes 200 grand a year.
Ergo, everyone should go to Harvard.
I could take that same dude who's making 200 grand a year and send him to fucking Cambodia to be raised by rice farmers, still making 200 grand a year.
Harvard has nothing to do with it.
It's like these idiots who think that, what's that baby genius thing where they would play babies classical music and then they noticed those kids?
Baby Mozart.
Baby Mozart.
They noticed that the kids were smarter.
Yeah, because intelligent parents try stupid shit like that because they want their kids to be better.
So they come from loving families.
And people have high IQs if they're familiar with Mozart.
That's why the baby's smart, baby Einstein, it was called.
So it's this like cause and effect mistake that has everyone thinking education is magic.
College is a waste of time.
It's a stupid machine.
And you go, you get irreconcilable debt to become stupider.
Why would you do that?
I hate this fucking shit.
Speaking of bad decisions, do you know about this Call Her Daddy controversy?
Now, Call Her Daddy is a very successful podcast that was on Barstool Sports.
Millions and millions of listeners.
I actually had bookmarked it and subscribed because I thought it sounds cool, but I never got around to it.
It's run by two super hot chicks, Sophia Something and Blonde Chick.
That's what they're called.
The blonde chick dated Noah Syndergaard.
I want to eat her out just so I can see what Noah Syndergaard's dick tastes like.
That would be an honor.
Big Mets fan?
That's how much of a Mets fan I am.
No, no, I like the Boston Red Sox.
Yeah, you're eating around and you're like, oh, she's like, wow, you're really into my pussy.
How come you don't moan like that when we make out or do anything else?
It's just that Thor has been here.
He's been inside here.
He's been inside here.
She's like, okay, all right.
Hell.
Wouldn't that be weird if some lesbian courted you and started blowing you because she was in love with your ex?
Interesting concept.
Yeah.
Sounds like a movie.
Sounds like a movie.
Sounds like a toad.
Anyway, this is a great example of women in the workforce.
So I don't know which thing you should pull up first.
Go back to that.
So the blonde and her would do like dirty talk shit, which is sort of like mild prostitution.
It's not that different from OnlyFans, where these two girls sit down and they're like, I was blowing this guy on Friday and he was like, blow me, blow me.
And I was like, well, and, you know, horny dudes like to hear chicks talk about gross stuff like that.
And then I had to fart.
So I went to the other room and then I farted and then I came back and he ate meat in my butt or whatever, blah, blah, blah.
So it's like basically softcore porn, which by the way, Stacey Abrams wrote.
Like we're wondering what skeletons she has in her closet if she becomes VP.
She wrote softcore porn.
She wrote like 50 Shades of Gray type shit.
Anyway, don't look that up.
So these girls are doing that.
They're doing really well and they're getting to the next level.
So they start negotiating with Dave Portnoy, who is a Jew.
And my experience personally has been Jews are tough negotiators.
Fortunately, I am Scottish.
So you want to play hardball?
I'll go down to the pennies for days.
Scots are way cheaper than Jews could ever dream to be.
That being said, though, the way I negotiate is like, yeah.
So, and my dad taught me this.
He's like, someone offers you a shitty salary, just say yes, get the job, get going, and then someone will poach you or they'll realize your value and they'll up your salary.
So your worth works itself out.
You obviously don't let people take advantage of you for a long time, but as far as getting in the door, I always just say yes.
And if someone negotiates too high, like say censored.tv, say some negotiator wants some exorbitant amount, within reason, I might do it.
But now you've done a thing called over-negotiating.
And now I will drop you like that.
If your show is so expensive, it doesn't pay for itself with subscribers, you're walking on thin ice.
Whereas if someone under-negotiates, I'll let them coast for a few Ps because they're not really hurting the bottom line.
Anyway, the blonde gets that.
But go to 1-8.
Adam Schultz, is that his name?
Andrew Schultz.
He's really, he's fucking hitting it out of the park these days with his show.
Except for this.
Pause.
Another.
Never, ever.
Show your socks on TV.
What are you doing?
This is one thing I hated about Canada.
You'd have a big party in the winter, and the whole party would just be everyone in their socks.
You can't really...
Even in my own home, I'm wearing shoes right till bedtime.
Like, what if you got to run outside or get something?
And you're just not a man in socks.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's not.
It's like a wool hat.
You look like a dishweed.
I just made that out.
Yeah, okay.
It's like douchebag, dish rag.
But look at, and also, Andrew, never sit like that.
Look at your little toes all curled up.
I've never sat like that in my life.
Not since I was maybe six.
So that's really off-putting.
Anyway, this guy was, this story sucks, by the way.
It's like 10 minutes long.
And the story is that Andrew Schultz was going to go on a date with the brunette, Sophia, and he dumped her.
He flaked out at the last second.
He just wanted to watch the game.
I guess that's the way it is with young people today.
You just like turn down a blowjob from a 10.
Not that young.
Just like negotiating, when I was dating, I was like, yep.
And if they were hideous, I just go, can we go somewhere where my friends won't see me?
The higher the number, the closer to my neighborhood we would go on the date.
If she was a nine, we're going downstairs to Max Fish.
If she's a four, let's meet in Brooklyn.
You want to walk around Washington Heights and see if they have any bars?
Let's go to Harlem.
Want to go to the Apollo Theater?
Staten Island fans?
Yeah, I think there's one bar on Roosevelt Island.
Let's ride the tram.
After the ferry ride, I'll hold your hand.
Yeah, I'll meet you at Roosevelt Island and get good at it, if you will.
Anyway, so this dude turns her down.
She ends up going with this HBO guy and they fall in love.
And he tells her, you know, you're worth a hell of a lot more than what they're offering you.
And she becomes a cunt.
End of story.
So Dave Portnoy, they keep negotiating and negotiating.
This blonde chick is saying, yes, I'm into it.
Let's do it.
And then the Sophia chick becomes Palestine.
Now, Palestine, Palestinians, you could never give them a deal.
Their whole role is to fight.
And the reason I'm bringing up this whole story is it's women in the workforce.
All it takes is one little resputant to piss in one woman's ear, and the whole thing collapses.
These two are not friends anymore.
The thing's gone.
They got their IP, which you never get.
So they own callherdaddy.com, whatever.
They got like 20% on all their sales.
All of these unprecedented deals.
Dave Porton, I just thought, I love you guys as the brand.
Overnegotiate, overnegotiate.
And they eventually just walked out of the room saying no.
And that was the end Of everything.
Like, just say yes and do it.
The negotiations you're talking about are like amounting to $2,000 a year.
Fucking stop.
And this happened with Bill Clinton, God bless his cotton socks.
He offered Yasser Arafat a deal.
I think this was in 95, I forget the year.
But he sat down in Camp David and offered Yasser Arafat a deal where the Israelis went, what the fuck are you doing?
This is really shitty for us.
And he goes, you're going to take it, Israel, or you're going to lose my money.
And they go, fuck.
This is a stab in the back.
I can't believe he's giving Yasser Arafat everything and we're not getting nothing.
And Yasser Arafat went outside and then he came back and said, the deal's off and left.
Because he can't get a deal.
If he came back and said, we negotiated something, we no longer have to terrorize Israel.
He'd get killed because that's their job.
Woodchucks, Chuck Wood.
Palestinians, Chuck Stones.
That's a good one.
That's a t-shirt.
That's not bad.
Oh, you made that up?
Yeah.
I thought that was like a thing.
No, I just made it up right now.
Speaking of t-shirts, by the way, we've got new t-shirts in the store.
I'm very happy with this one because I'm on it.
Out for Bud.
We'll see how long it takes to get sued.
Maybe Jared Holt will announce to Budweiser that we've used their logo.
And then there's this one we've wanted to make for a long time.
I feel like I'm a toad with Dinesh D'Souza's lips and eyes on a toad.
I hope he's not offended by that.
I understand you're using my likeness to make money.
Oh, silly.
Dinesh thinks he's a toad.
That's crazy.
Dinesh thinks he's a toad.
You know what's great about this shirt?
So she's crying, oink, oink, you monsters, because the MTA said they're going to get more police and that would be bad for blacks.
And at that same rally, about 10 feet from her, actually, was a woman holding a sign that said, the subway should be free, which I looked it up.
No subways are free anywhere in the world.
But she got her wish.
And during this pandemic, the amount of police on the subways has gone down to almost nothing.
And what's the result, you dumb bitch?
The result is shit up and down.
People, homeless people piling up their crap to the ceiling.
She can't get by them.
They've totally taken over.
The subway is fucking disgusting.
And the crime is so rampant that the MTA is now considering hiring their own security force.
Remember that little fat black one we saw get kicked so hard, she rolled across the platform like a donut and fell onto the tracks?
We also have...
Oh, yes.
We can't.
Show it on this broken camera and not that broken camera.
Come on over here, sweetie.
Invade Greenland.
Greenland.
Gotta tuck it.
Don't tuck in your t-shirt.
Don't do any of that.
Don't roll up your t-shirt.
That's for like bodybuilders in the 80s.
And don't tuck in your t-shirt.
You look like a chubby lesbian.
T-shirts are casual wear.
I'm not joking, by the way, about invade Greenland.
I want Trump to old school colonization, get on some boats, get some planes, drop some bombs.
Try not to kill anyone.
Try to negotiate first.
I'm sure they'll just let you have it, right?
Denmark has a smaller army than the NYPD.
Just take it.
And same with Turkmenistan.
Let's just go there and just shoot the guy in the head.
This is ours now.
We have the, what do they have?
They have natural gas, I think.
Oh, yes.
That might piss off Russia, though.
Russia has a deal with them.
Why don't we just go to Putin?
Hey, we're going to be invading Turkmenistan.
And you could start a world war and fuck with us.
I don't think you want to do that.
Why don't you just let us have it?
It literally has a gateway to hell in the country.
That's a permanently...
And instead of getting it and harboring that energy, they just lit it on fire.
So it's just a permanent flaming fire.
It's just the world's most boring volcano.
And then there's this shirt.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
We also have stickers coming in.
This would be so awesome on your car.
I love this because people don't know what the fuck.
What are you talking about?
And what are you going to offend someone?
I don't want to invade Greenland.
Okay, don't.
And it's a white country, so there's no way they have sympathy for them.
Yeah, they don't care.
It's like the white farmers in South Africa.
They don't give a shit.
Handy tip, if you're trying to get someone to empathize with the plight of the white farmers in South Africa, just tell the whole story as dogs.
And then when you're done, go, oh, no, those weren't dogs I was talking about.
Those were human beings.
And then they can use their sympathy they had for the dog and put it to something that actually matters and isn't a fucking loser.
The old switcheroo.
I had a great idea, by the way, for South African farmers.
They, like, I have cameras all over my house and I can access the cameras wherever I am through my app.
All South African farmers should have a network where they access each other's cameras.
And there's live streams going 24 hours a day.
So when you look at your wall of TVs or whether it's on your phone or your computer or whatever, you have your thing, but then swipe.
You go over and you have the Sikifa's proppity.
And you can see all his, you know, 15 angles.
And then swipe.
And they should stream it.
Constantly.
So it's like it's a live check in there.
It's not helpful to see previously recorded security footage, Ryan.
Wow.
Hey, I'm Ryan Katsu Rivera.
I'd like to contribute to your idea.
How about the cameras broadcast live?
But we don't just show the property three years ago.
Oh, I thought you meant just to each other, but they're to the world.
No, no, only people you trust.
They don't trust each other.
What they do now is they email each other on these stupid archaic chats and say, g'd eye, gaddai.
Everyone okay?
I'm doing Australian now.
Everyone okay?
And then if someone doesn't respond, they go, uh-oh, Willie didn't respond.
Let's go check his farm.
Oh, his head's chopped off.
That's primitive.
Yeah, we're not Doing that.
That's as bad as calling the police in that it will take too long.
Wait, what?
What, what?
Stop farm murder.
Oh, I guess these are.
Dude, you have to understand South Africa is not blacks versus whites.
It's four tribes versus four tribes, and one of the tribes is the white farmers.
But it's really Marxists versus capitalists.
And there's going to be a civil war there that won't be black on white.
It'll be these four black tribes, and then these three tribes and this one white tribe.
But we oversimplify things here in America.
And Ahmed Arbery is a jogger who was just going to his friend's house to practice algebra.
And if you say otherwise, Jared Holt will get you fired.
We should get her on the show, by the way.
So go back to that chick.
It's kind of interesting.
It's really long.
This is sorry, one, nine.
It's really long, but it's just a great example of women in the workforce.
So by the way, these women are essentially prostitutes, right?
So selling sex as a woman is only fans.
Talking about blowjobs, it's the easiest thing to do.
All women have this commodity.
I got to convey this to my daughter soon because she's getting of that age.
Your chastity has currency, right?
Think of it as a brand.
And if you go to high school and you just start handing it out to everyone, you've diluted its value.
Now you're less valuable.
Like if Coca-Cola started endorsing everything and you saw their logo on garbage and disgusting, shitty products that gave you diarrhea, you'd go, I don't like Coca-Cola anymore.
But Coca-Cola has its recipe in a vault and they only put it on their thing and they sue people who use their logo wrong.
They didn't get these guys yet.
No.
And that's what a woman's chassis is.
So when you do a podcast about how you've had a queef at an unfortunate time, I don't know, you're going to have a little bit more trouble getting a man eventually.
And it's a form of prostitution, and any woman can do it.
So I'm not impressed.
But even that, this is basically two girls who wreck their OnlyFans account.
So jump into like 60% of the way in because she explains that she was normal and this Sophia chick, the other brunette, just couldn't negotiate.
Because she kept asking for more and more and more and more until it was a deal breaker.
Turn it up.
Trying to convince her why we should stay.
But this time it shifted because I made a point to let Sophia know that...
No longer for me, at the end of the call, I let her know no longer for me was there the option of leaving.
Barstool was the only deal now.
I was no longer entertaining the idea of leaving.
Oh, so she's saying Portnoy eventually, after tough negotiations, was so kind that she thought, this is our home.
He's given us everything we asked for.
And she's like, nope, I'm better.
Be better.
Turn it up.
I can't hear it.
Sophia began the call by telling me she felt I was bulldozing her into the barstool deal.
Wait, that's too loud now.
Sophia told me that she went into the rooftop meeting with Dave as more of a courtesy and to let Dave know that we were leaving and wanted to see if he would give us the IP to take with us.
So like she was like, give us the IP and then you don't get anything for it.
That reminds me, you know what?
Speaking of women, back in Vice days, we were trying to get Latigra.
Latigra is Kathleen Hannah of Bikini Kill, the riot girl.
So we're sitting down in negotiations, and they're very good for your brand, right?
You have tons of white male, straight white male bands, and then you have your lesbian.
It's affirmative action, really.
And people go, oh, they're not racist or sexist or homophobic.
They have a lesbian band.
So we're sitting there ready to take an affirmative action hit.
And guess what their deal was?
This was their offer, and they were not willing to budge.
Yes, Latigra can be put out on vice records, but we get what percent?
20%, 30% of sales?
100% of sales.
Wait, what?
And we own all the songs and we can do whatever we want with them.
What?
So their offer to us was, we can sell some of their music with our logo on it, as long as we give them all the money, and they can do whatever they want.
So we get zero in return for promoting them, printing them.
Women in the workforce are bad at their jobs.
And she couldn't believe that.
I can't believe that they would literally be one of the few, like amongst Howard, Sir, and Letterman, to have their own IP.
Yes.
That's major.
No, they were the most successful podcast.
They were the number one podcast in the world at one point.
No, they just don't exist.
And they could have been huge.
And you know what?
You get everything you ask for.
Just say yes.
Let's get going.
It's like my buddy Curtis that I own the restaurant with in the East Village.
We ran a taco truck for a while and we got offers.
I think it was like 80 grand.
And he's like, yeah, but I can make 80 grand in a year.
Yeah.
And I go, Curtis, that's gross, first of all, not ned.
And you're sitting in a fucking hot van for a year.
If you're so great at restaurants, let's just take this money and start a new one.
Right.
Just say yes.
Get moving.
He did eventually say yes, by the way.
Don't you think it's a good idea for them?
It's not too late because after all this controversy, it's like publicity.
They start it like in a month or two after the ball.
Yeah, but this bitch is ruined.
She's like, no, I'm Celine Dion.
By the way, Barstool Sports has a thing called Rough and Rowdy, where it's these awesome fights that are just a total and utter shit show.
It's almost not even the same sport as boxing because there's zero technique.
Yeah, and it's just like swinging.
Look at that.
Right hook, left hook, right hook.
But I have something, I wish I could get to Dave Portnoy.
Maybe I could through Tucker or something.
Oh, yeah.
But I have something I really need to happen.
Bob Moneri needs to be hosting these fights and narrating them.
hey, world, can I send those out to the cosmos?
Can you make that happen?
I'm not looking to make a commission.
I'm not Sophia, what's her name from Call Her Daddy, who won't negotiate.
But look at Bob Moneri's Instagram.
We've talked about Bob Moneri before.
He's the guy who's like, gets in there and it's a fucking wipeout.
Not going to happen again.
What a good idea.
You don't see this every day.
The tall, skinny, lanky version of Jeff Goldblum in the movie Jurassic Park facing off against a man who thinks it's cool to get the devil tattooed to the front of his forehead.
And let's see, the fight begins.
Quick punches being exchanged and Jefferson.
Chest punch, I never noticed that before.
That could kill you.
Pop the sternum.
And then here comes my favorite part.
Let me stay right there.
Why'd you turn down the volume?
And now both men must go with their tails between their legs.
Anyway, wouldn't that be awesome if Bob Mineri, please, I'm not on social media, I'm banned.
But if you could get to Dave Portnoy and demand that Bob Minery hosts Rough and Rowdy, and Bob, when you're negotiating, please don't be a dick.
Just say yes to like, do five for free.
And then if you're valuable to the brand, oh my God, that looks so fun.
Then they won't want to let you go.
I might be five foot nine, but I will take you the fuck out, bro.
No, you won't.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course, Bill Burr is going to be.
Dude, the fucking guy punched him right in the face, dude.
It's brutal.
Everything's brutal.
Speaking of bashing women, John Kinsman's wife sent me this, 1-7.
There's a show, and this goes back to what we're saying about chastity, women in the workforce.
It's all in.
All in.
50 men will compete to impregnate a 41-year-old woman in a new reality series, Labor Love.
Do they all fuck her?
Or eventually one wins and then he gets to fuck her?
Or are they just pumping away like a gangbang?
What does it say?
So it's Sex in the City alum, Kristen Davis.
She was like the nice girl on the show.
But that show is a huge part of all these miserable women.
I wonder how many millions of lives Sex in the City has ruined by telling women they shouldn't settle down, they got to go to New York, make lots of money, spend it on shoes, be a fucking whore, fuck everything that moves, brag about it, and your eggs will last forever and you'll never become a spinster.
They brainwashed millions of women into thinking that and ruined their lives.
Ladies, New York City is an elephant's graveyard for ovaries.
You will not meet a man here.
Nobody does.
You will get used and abused.
You'll be a 40-year-old blocker like Amanda Marricott.
And you'll end up just a colostomy bag for other men's cum.
You are ancient if you're 32 in New York.
42?
Well, you might as well be on the Golden Girls.
But keep go back to that.
So we got to figure this out.
What do they do?
Host a show.
She explains the winning man and Christy will skip the dating, go straight to baby making.
Okay, so at least they don't all bang her.
So it's really just like married.
It's like the bachelor, really.
But here's the weird part.
You're 41, lady.
It's not happening.
Like, do you think it's that simple?
You just choose someone at 41?
So in a way, the sex in the city bitch is furthering the lie that your eggs last forever.
It's very difficult to have a baby.
I think Barbara Corcoran managed to get pregnant at that age.
It cost her $350,000 in fertility drugs.
And you know what fertility drugs do?
They give you quintuplets, your octomom.
And then that's why you see so many twins with these women, because six of the eight twins will die and come out as miscarriages.
Miscarriages are traumatizing.
It's a dead baby coming out of your body.
And I think Barbara had like seven miscarriages before she eventually made some kids.
40 to 44 and not happening.
Anyway, that's fucking radinx.
That's right at the peak of likelihood of infertility.
And it's funny, too, because this woman is less attractive because she's older and the whole push of the show seems to be attraction and fertility are not related.
They're inseparable.
Like when you see someone who's 700 pounds, one of the reasons you don't feel in your gut that you could fuck her is because it looks like she's going to die.
And subconsciously, when you look at a woman that you're attracted to, you think of breeding.
That's why you're not attracted to ugly women.
You don't want to make ugly kids.
That's why when you see a junkie, you're not attracted to her.
That's why you're not attracted to children.
That's why you're not attracted to old ladies.
And she's an old lady.
Sorry, 41 is old for no kids.
The labor is mandatory.
I'm not old.
I can have kids whenever.
In fact, 15 men will compete.
This is just as bad as sex in the city.
She has to choose between us, Gibronis.
She wants to see, are these men gonna be aware of?
How would they do this?
Welcome to labor pains.
Look at this.
It's just man-hating porn.
They just torture men.
Parenthood is such a huge.
What is this is feminism in 2020?
Torturing men.
I honestly can't imagine my life without you in it.
Here's what's 100% guaranteed what's going to happen.
So she'll get the guy.
They'll try to get pregnant.
They'll spend money on fertility drugs.
She won't get pregnant.
He leaves her.
I promise you.
I promise you.
That is happening.
Let's make a game and a joke out of the most sacred aspect of being a woman.
The contest.
All right.
We should get to the mailbag soon.
I just wanted to have a brief look at the New York Times.
This is 1.4.
So you know the woman where Joe Biden grabbed her pussy?
And it's funny, when Trump was talking about grabbing by the pussy, he said, They let you.
He's basically talking about groupies.
This woman, Joe Biden thought, was a groupie and quickly found out she wasn't when he grabbed her pussy and she went, uh.
And he went, oh, yeah, misread that.
Ever tell you about my leg hair?
I know a lot about roaches because kids touch my leg hairs.
You know the thing.
But so the New York Times sent her, and it's funny that I'm on Rose McGowan's side all of a sudden.
The New York Times sent her some questions.
And you think, what would you ask her?
What would I ask her?
I'd say, so you don't have any evidence, right?
That's too bad.
When exactly did this happen?
Who did you tell?
Maybe I can find someone you told and interview them.
And they'll say, yeah, I remember talking to her.
Can we do that?
So go back to her.
This is the questions the New York Times asks.
Ready?
Pull it up here.
You and your brother have both described your mother as an activist.
Can you tell us what sort of issues she advocated for?
We noticed in an old newspaper clip that she was involved in at least one fight over healthcare rights.
So now they're painting her as an activist.
Can you tell us about your time as a downhill skier and your training, contest one, et cetera?
Doubting, saying they're going to disprove that.
When did you move from Athens to California?
That's not interesting.
Any shows that you performed?
Do you remember what year it was?
Regarding your application to Juilliard, were you ultimately accepted and could not attend because of tuition?
Or did you withdraw from the process before it was completed?
Yeah.
Now all the questions, after some benign ones, get into how broke she is, implying, by the way, that she's being paid for all this.
And she's always been desperate for money.
Over the years, you've listed a number of reasons for leaving Washington.
Foreign policy differences over Russia, inability to get hired, going with Ted, your ex-boyfriend.
Why did you leave for North Dakota?
In your court records, your ex-husband Ted says that your mother hit you during a fight over her drinking back when you were living with her daughter during your pregnancy.
Was his description of that fight court papers accurate?
Of course, during, that's, if you want to find dirt on someone, go to their divorce, right?
They did that with Trump, too.
Keep going.
There's another, they get worse and worse.
Edward Walk, I'll just read the last ones.
Edward Walker was your boyfriend, right?
I remember you filed a complaint against him in April 2011 because he hit your daughter.
But then neighbors told me that you moved to blah, blah, blah, together and kept the radio show going.
So what happened there?
Anyway, I'm not doing a very good job of this.
You can look this up.
But it's just her constantly being interrogated about why she's a broke ass bitch and why she's a liar so they can frame this hit job because she's bad for Biden and anything that's bad for Biden is good for Trump and they hate Trump.
That's it.
That's all the logic going on here.
That's the way the New York Times operates and they're so fucking shitty at it.
That's what I was talking about last week with these shitty magicians.
Like check out this article in the Times I saw over the weekend.
It's one of the craziest subheads you'll ever read.
You ready for this?
This is 1.5.
If you care about the working poor, about racial justice, and about climate change, you have to stop eating animals.
The end of meat is here.
Jonathan Saffron 4, he wrote that book.
I forget, it was a really famous book.
So scroll down, you got to hear this logic.
The logic is that in these meat packing plants, right, they're all really closely stuck together and they have like, what is it, this pig farm does like 10%.
No, it's at the top.
10% of the pork comes from this one farm.
Yes, Smithfield Pork Plant, which produces 5% of the country's pork, right?
They had 73 cases of coronavirus and it spread really fast because they're all crushed together there.
And 1,000 reported cases, about 2,000 inch workers.
So sick workers mean plant shutdowns, which means the pigs have to be killed.
And that means that you don't have the plant anymore.
And that means the working poor lose their jobs.
Now, what's interesting about this is working poor aren't vegetarians.
It's incredibly rare.
It's a bourgeoisie thing.
So he's acknowledging that blue-collars eat meat.
He doesn't want that to change because they're below us, you see.
So their behavior can stay the same.
They're pets, just like blacks, just like when Biden was saying, you ain't black.
They see the working poor as basically cattle, basically pigs.
And if you care about pigs, you will shut these plants down and teach them to code.
Learn to code, pigs.
You're useless.
We have to alter our behavior because we are so much more valuable.
Canada does this with their environmental bullshit.
They manufacture something like 1.5% of the global carbon footprint.
But they have to change.
Not China, not Africa, not Russia.
They're garbage places.
But erudite places such as Canada, they have to change their behavior because their behavior means more because they're more valuable human beings.
Once again, the ones screaming Keep It Real the loudest are the ones the most full of shit.
Did you see that cool Memorial Day video?
Maybe we'll end with that.
All right, let's switch over to the fucking mailbag.
We had some shitty mailbags last week.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Yeah, I mean, I still get vanilla, and I know that being a beaten.
This guy is showing us a Michael Bearded English broad.
And he said, this is a few years old.
Yes, we discussed this, I believe, at Compound with the Gavin McKinna show when this came out.
And she's talking about how no one sees her as beautiful.
Yeah, because you look like a dude.
And beauty is based on Viability as a baby producer.
So when we see you, our brain goes, That's a dude.
I can't fuck dick.
She looks like that male pickup artist.
What do we got here?
Gavin, check out this picture of Mariah Carey in the 90s.
Doesn't this picture make you want to have 10,000 babies with her?
This look needs to never die.
What are some women's outfits that should still be around that may have died off in the last 10 years?
Thanks to fat, ugly feminist cunts.
Yep, that is one.
Hot mulatto.
Oh, hot mulatto are playing at Mercury Lounge.
Actually, there was a band called Tragic Mulatto back in the 80s.
You know what's a look?
What's it?
Valley Girl?
Yeah, there's a movie with Nicholas Cage called Valley Girl, and it's all 80s chicks.
And they're remaking it.
I have no idea why.
They're remaking it now as a flashback.
So it's someone in 2020 telling her daughter what it was like to be in the 80s.
And so it's all young girls wearing 80s clothes.
And that was the look.
Short socks, ankle socks, and high-heel shoes.
And he doesn't look punk.
Nicholas Cage was punk in Valley Girl.
Is that new wave or punk?
Kind of new wave.
Like, actors didn't want to dye their hair because they wanted to get another role.
So every punk in a movie has that spray, Halloween spray in their hair.
It looks so fucking stupid.
But look at the trailer for the new Valley Girl.
Because there's some fucking outfits in it that give me a schwing.
Yeah, I'm disagreeing with you, Caller.
I like the 80s more than the 90s.
The 90s was big baggy pants.
No, don't, don't, don't do any of that.
You just have no idea what I'm going through.
You'd be surprised when I'll tell you a story.
See the people walking down the street.
They don't know.
That's the shit right there.
You could be a fucking hippopotamus.
And I will get a boner if you're wearing that.
You could be so fat that the heels may snap and we can still negotiate.
As if.
I would rather fuck Rosie O'Donnell dressed in lingerie with those shoes than Jessica Alba in platform Tevas.
In Tom's.
That's how I remember it.
Cheerleaders was never a turn on.
I hate that Catholic schoolgirl thing.
Yeah.
Like, am I a pedophile now?
I'm not interested in cheerleaders.
Gag me with a spoon.
Oh, that was a hell of a jump, dude.
Your little boots.
All right, that's enough.
G-Dog, you claim to not be afraid of the Ching Chong Ling Long virus and have been consistently mocking people who are acting irrationally.
However, it has now been 65 days since the last episode of Gary's Mailbag.
Yeah, good point.
I can't fucking find him.
Yeah, me neither.
Same with Larry Barnes.
He's AWOL.
And I did call him, and he wasn't interested.
He's got an afro this big and a beard this big and he looks like shit and he didn't want to come do the show.
But I sent a barber to his house.
So Larry Barnes may be coming back.
But I'm not scared of Gare.
Next time I see him, I'm going to grab him and throw him into the studio.
Why don't you be a hypocrite?
Blah, blah, blah.
You suck, you suck.
Babes who aren't models submission.
Yeah.
This is from Taylor.
Just got back from Boundary Waters in Minnesota with my buddies.
And after we all split 100 beers and two liters of whiskey, we had an idea for your next t-shirt bumper sticker.
Women, not the best at much.
I'm not the best at much.
Yeah.
Well, Milo and I did that for a whole lunch.
It took us like an hour and a half to think of something women do better than men besides the obvious making babies, shaping lives, that magic trick that God gave them.
And we came up with real estate agents showing a home.
But I said chef, but he said no.
And maybe I was wrong with that.
But what are real estate agents doing?
They're showing you their nest.
It's not their nest, but someone else's nest.
But that's what a woman does, right?
Hey, let me show you around.
This is the master bedroom.
So the things that they're best at are the things they do at home.
Most women I know who have jobs, it's always some menial task like keeping appointments.
And that's what my wife does.
My daughter has dance at this time.
She has guitar at this time.
Did you do your Zoom guitar?
Did you practice your guitar?
That's what they do.
You have a meeting at four, Mr. Peterson.
And they always run the company's social media.
I run my company's Facebook page, which we really need.
That's so crucial.
Essential workers alert.
I lost my heart to this sloppy Aussie bitch.
Welcome back to my YouTube channel.
Can you be on you?
Welcome back to my YouTube channel.
Can you be on you?
Way too much makeup, dude.
Normally this trunk.
And if you're old, hi.
She looks like a tranny.
Yeah, I can't see her face.
I have no idea what she looks like.
Did you see Chloe Kardashian?
Just got a new face.
They built a face for her.
Is that the ugly one?
Yeah, she's the one that's illegitimate.
That's why she doesn't look like any of the others.
This one?
Yeah.
She got...
She's just launched her new face.
No, that's not it.
She has a new nose.
That's it.
Oh, what the fuck?
I just made a face.
What the hell?
You know, I want to do a whole podcast on this.
I remember there was a story where this Chinese guy was suing his wife because she didn't tell him that she's ugly.
And he didn't realize it until the kid came out, that she'd had plastic surgery.
And everyone laughed.
Ha ha, he's suing her because she's ugly.
I did too.
But then you pause and you go, that's kind of the contract with marriage.
Like, what if you had something like chronic diabetes and it had been in your family forever and all your relatives died of type A diabetes, whatever it's called, and you didn't tell someone that, and then you had a kid and the kid is born with brutal diabetes.
Isn't that a crime?
It's definitely unethical.
So he's going to, someone's going to marry her and then they're going to get.
If you look up Chloe Kardashian in the 90s, she was like a five.
So you marry an eight, you get a five, then you have ugly kids.
Not that you know you want to have sexy kids or anything, but you know what I mean?
Like attraction is based on fertility and what the kids will look like.
That's what she looks like.
She's a perfectly reasonable five.
But you made this bizarre eight.
And I was talking to someone about this the other day, he told me he thinks Ted Cruz is gay.
And I go, what did you base it on?
And he goes, I just looked at him.
I was on a plane and he was on the plane.
I saw the way the face his wife made when he kissed her.
And I could see the way I shook his hand.
And I could just tell.
And I go, that's shitty evidence.
And he goes, no, it's not.
He says, I've been around for 200,000 years.
We've been developing these skills over time.
We're dogs.
And the ones who can't tell that this guy's trouble and he might attack me, those guys are extinct.
So my instincts, sussing someone out, I got a bad feeling about this guy.
Yeah.
Like Kalin, George and Kalen, bad feeling about those dudes.
Alex Jones said, do this movie with them.
Got totally fucked over.
Bad news.
I should have trusted my gut.
Your gut is not just a silly made-up thing.
It's same with women that want to fuck you.
You just look at these women, and maybe that's why I'm not attracted to like bucks and blondes, because my whole life, I've been sniffing them, and they're just like, I wouldn't fuck you in a million years.
You look like a rat.
And then brunettes, Jews, ethnically ambiguous women, blacks, they tend to be more attracted to me.
So I altered my tastes.
I think.
That's just a theory.
Alter my taste to follow the sniff.
To adapt.
To adapt.
So those instincts that help you find a mate and make sure you don't get stabbed tell you, you know, remember Anthony Coomia talked about this girl who she had a bad feeling about this group of black guys that were near her late at night, but she didn't want to seem racist, so she didn't cross the street and they ended up raping her.
Of course.
You got to trust your gut.
So anyway, the tangent is better than the actual story.
So he sensed Ted Cruz was gay and he said, my evidence is my sense and I'm backing that up as a valid source.
And he convinced me.
Now, you also see this with eyes.
It's not just smell.
It's eyes, it's demeanor.
But when people have plastic surgery, they throw a wrench in the works.
And now you're like, what?
I don't, I can't read you.
Like Botox.
Here's a really dumb example.
Really simple, I should say.
Someone has Botox, right?
I'm telling jokes, I'm riffing, and I notice they're like, ha ha, ha, ha, ha.
I go, all right, that person doesn't think I'm funny.
I'm not talking to them anymore.
They don't like me.
I'm wasting my time.
Wasting both of our times.
But no, the guy was having a great time.
He just threw his fucking facial shit off with his stupid gay Botox.
You know, people who, there's this disease you get where you lose these muscles completely and you're perfectly normal, but you can't smile.
So when you laugh, you go, very funny.
They get beat up because people think they're being sarcastic.
Bells Paul.
They have to like go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
I love how this article here or this video says, Chloe Kardashian's epic hair transformation.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Her hair.
You mean nose hair?
Epic hair transformation.
Look at that.
A surgeon just made a mask.
That's gross.
How is that not Halloween?
You have a mask on your face.
That's not your face.
If it's not your face, then it's a mask.
This is a remake of the movie Face Off with Nicholas Cage.
Like, do you like me?
Are you mad at me?
Are you here to stab me?
I don't know.
I can't read your face.
Is your face just resting sarcasm?
What's happening?
Hey, Gavin.
Tried to get a hold of Ryan, but I think he blocked my number.
I left my sunglasses and lotion at his place the other day.
I assume he's talking about the fag zone.
I was wondering if you could pass this message on.
My name is Lance, but if he doesn't remember, just say I'm Big Red.
He should understand.
It's a fag joke.
So we got a letter from a gay lover of Ryan's.
It's fake.
Mikey!
Just give him his lotion back, dude.
How much of the sunglasses?
I don't have sunglasses.
There's no lotion.
You're stealing sunglasses?
That's prostitution, by the way.
If you had sex with a man in your apartment and then you don't give him his sunglasses back, you're taking a payment for sex.
So you're a sword.
God, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get my hands around your throat.
You should have played the eat your ass one.
I will eat your ass.
No, I'm not going to eat Lance's ass.
This is from Molly.
Gavin, when do you go live?
I'd like to call in sometime.
I go live Thursday nights at 10 p.m.
10 p.m.
Texas surf dam story in Michigan.
Plot thickens.
Big league politics.
Gretchen Whitmer's regime sued to keep water levels high in months leading up to Michigan dam break.
What's this?
Oh yeah, that's sketchy, isn't it?
Just like we were talking last week where that gym said we're going to stay open and they got fines and people are threatened with six months in prison for going to a gym.
And then they said, no, we're going to stay open.
Seconds later, the toilets exploded, started shooting sewage up.
Governor Christie did this with a bridge.
He had construction go on a bridge to cause a traffic jam because he didn't like the people in that area.
So I think it's totally plausible.
This is a conspiracy theory.
You're hearing a theory about someone conspiring.
But people start fighting Gretchen Wilson saying They say we're going to stay open.
All of a sudden, the state floods.
And again, I'll reiterate my other conspiracy theory, which is maybe the virus was released to stop the Hong Kong protests because China was embarrassed.
It looks cool.
Yeah, it does.
Why is that so satisfying to watch?
I'm going to watch that next time I can't sleep.
Destruction.
Mudslides.
Okay, last one.
Hey, Gavin and Ryan, I made this in my daughter's video game.
Thought you might enjoy it.
Okay, That's nice.
Thank you for your little drawing.
By the way, we're selling our drawings to raise money for justiceforliberty.com.
I sent you that email extra.
It's not in the notes, I don't think.
Bam.
Oh, good.
All that money goes straight to those three black kids who were abandoned, who had their father ripped away from them in order to fight racism.
Yes, folks, you heard it here first.
Clown world.
Oh, zero.
That sucks.
This is brand new, though?
Yeah, I just put this up, and we haven't announced it yet.
But how do people get to the URL?
You go to charityauctionstoday.com or you just go right to our homepage.
We'll put it on the homepage.
We'll put it on censored.tv.
So it'll be auction slash Gavin S Doodles for Justice.
I'm going to put some more up tomorrow.
Okay, let's end with a fun Memorial Day video.
This is a book.
This is 1-1.
Oh.
1-1.
Okay.
This is what you should have been doing all day today.
Okay.
It's coming up.
American, well, at least I know I'm free.
Look at that.
Forget the man who died, who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up next to you.
Beautiful.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
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