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April 24, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
29:38
GOML LIVE #44 | COCTEAU TWINS

After a feminist intro to Nikki Glaser and Scottish legends the Cocteau Twins, we dive deep into the mailbag and try to take a bit out of this endless cake of content.

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Hey guys, this is a clip from censored.tv.
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Okay, now to the clip.
That's the problem with you.
When you fuck up, your first instinct is, I didn't fuck up.
Your first instinct should be, what?
Really?
What's happening?
Well, I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't care about that.
It's a dumb detail.
It was just the song was playing itself twice.
But what I'm more concerned with is your development as a human being.
And you can't evolve as a human being and improve if your first instinct is consistently, no, no, I'm good.
I'm good.
Like your pants are on fire.
No, no, that's just, I'm just wearing like red pants that are really bright.
Oh shit, they are on fire.
Like your legs are gonna burn.
That's one second I could have been extinguishing the pants.
Exactly!
Right.
Extinguish the pants!
Shit tits.
Hey!
Welcome to Get Off My Lawn, the free half hour that's on YouTube.
Probably the worst of the show of the week is what's made free, which isn't a great advertisement.
This should be the peak.
What you see here for free should be a commercial.
Um...
Oh, I just barfed.
Uh, advertising the show, but there's so many restrictions here on YouTube.
I am hanging by a human pube.
Do animals have pubes?
I think their whole body is pubes.
Animals are pubes.
Isn't fur just pubes?
Do animals have pubes?
Like, does a gorilla have pubes?
Can you go Google a gorilla's dick?
Why don't you go Google a gorilla's dick and stop wasting my time?
You should be fucking at home Googling a gorilla's dick.
The contemporary Fonzie?
You have a job?
What do you do at your job?
Google a gorilla's dick?
Is that your fucking job?
Actually, it is my job.
Gavin told me to Google a gorilla's dick.
Guess I get paid for this.
I bet you they don't have pubes.
I bet it's like the same belly hair just going down.
No shit for brains.
Don't look up the goddamn question.
By definition, yes.
If there's hair around the pubis.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We all know what pubes are.
Go to images.
Go gorilla genitalia images.
Why do I have to do this?
Dammit, DuckDuckGo comes up with zero for gorilla penis.
That's weird.
So, I'm going to Google.
Sorry.
We like DuckDuckGo, we like Brave.
But we like gorilla penis.
I gotta admit, sometimes there's some weird shit there.
Before we get started with the show, we should focus on Red Pill living.
That's probably not the best example of it.
These odd times have everyone worrying about their immunity.
Stop worrying and do what I do.
Go to redpillliving.com.
Buy some Red Pill and boost your immune system.
www.
Which I don't think we have to do in this day and age.
Redpillliving.com.
Use promo code GAVIN.
Get 15% off all orders.
Get Red Pill and feel great.
Redpillliving.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off all orders.
The coffee show is coming in May.
Thanks COVID for postponing my coffee show.
Support patriot-owned businesses.
So this is a site that has Your CBD, your tincture, all this other stuff, but they also have a huge array of coffee varieties, and they break it down per country.
So what we want to do, why don't you show the site, Brian?
What we want to do is go through each country's coffee, and do like a taste test.
Because I have a Nespresso at home, and I gotta say, I'm not that thrilled with it.
It seems a little acrid.
What, are they done with coffee?
They probably have shipment problems due to... Oh, everything is topsy-turvy!
Topsy-turvy!
Not makin' guff-ay!
Not makin' guff-ay!
Over at Red Bell Living!
Anyway, let's see a gorilla's balls.
All right.
Let me take a look at the sponsors.
Probably one of the best hardcore bands in New York was Gorilla Balls.
Yeah, that's not pubes.
Didn't we go over this meme the other day?
No.
Well, animals don't have pubes.
Pubes are a different type.
I'm just defining pubes right now for the first time ever.
Pubes have to be a different type of hair than your normal hair.
Now, I have relatively straight hair.
It actually gets to be kind of dewy, so I keep it back with a product called Razac, which is like industrial bro cream, which is for African-American women.
I use it on my hair, and it makes it less wavy.
But my hair is normal.
Ryan's hair is relatively normal.
Actually, do you have curly pubes?
They're not super curly.
Really?
This is a... You see that?
Yeah, shut the fuck up about your... No, I put a thing on it.
What's on it?
A star?
Yeah.
That looks way better.
That looks way less disgusting.
I know from being with Asian women, their pubes tend to be like a little punk rocker down there.
Do you have straight pubic hair?
No, it's more grungy.
What do you mean?
Like frizzy and dyed blue.
Tell us the truth, Ryan.
Are you checking?
You haven't seen it in a while?
My pubic hair is, like most people's pubic hair, it's Dunzo Washington's hair.
It's Dunzo Washington.
I thought I'd bring this.
Over to the show.
This is my bar bag.
You know how, during Prohibition, you would say a secret password?
This is how I go to my bars now.
I have abandoned the quarantine.
I have given up on- I don't wear a fucking mask.
I get a lot of bad looks, especially in my neighborhood.
I say, my body, my choice, when they stare at me.
Um, if they don't stare at me, I just go, baaaaah.
Like a sheep?
They wear masks in their car, with the windows up, and then they wear gloves.
Are you scared of giving it to yourself?
Anyway, I know people who own bars, and we want to party.
So what I do is I put this in my trunk when I go to the city, and the few bars where I know the owner, I go in and I just plop that on the shelf.
And I've noticed, by the way, because looky-loos, ladies will peer in the window.
And I've noticed this is a better write-off than this.
I don't think they know what a hammer is.
So you go like this and you have that in one hand, your beer in the other hand, right?
And then if they get near the door, you go... And the light helps.
They see the light and they're just like, oh, it's a contractor.
You son of a bitch.
It makes them less tattle-tally.
But they do love to tattle.
I can't wait.
The cops have been around my friend's bars.
$20,000 fine.
I think a lot of women are enjoying this quarantine.
It has been a boon for the nosy, busybody, tattletale community.
And isn't it bizarre, I know we don't like talking about this on the show, we don't talk about coronavirus on the show, chink in box, but isn't it bizarre that a pandemic is political?
Like, if you want to get back to work, you're a Republican.
You're conservative, you're pro-Trump.
If you want the quarantine to go longer, you're liberal.
It's a biological medical question.
How does it have a political affiliation?
And then I thought, okay, what about if there was unprecedented thunderstorms?
Like for the past month, it's thunderstormed every day, right?
We've never heard of that before.
It's like monsoon in North America.
What if that happened?
Could that be politicized?
And I bet it would.
I bet it would be blue-collar dudes, Trump dudes saying let's just get back to work we'll put on a raincoat and then the left saying this is Trump not paying attention to global warming and not supporting the EPA enough.
I think everything has become political.
What if no one bought watches anymore?
I just saw my own watch on the monitor.
Yeah, Trump has made us give up On the next four years, people no longer care what time it is.
Liberals don't buy watches.
Republicans buy watches.
It is a disaster!
It's become sports.
I want the Yankees to fail.
And that's true, by the way.
When I say politics has become sports, I'm insulting politics.
Because sports is bad.
I'm not proud of myself.
I'm not proud that I want the Yankees to suffer.
You know how Bill Maher said he wanted the economy to be doing bad because it would be bad for Trump?
That's how I feel about the Yankees.
If they... Remember there was that plane crash that killed like an entire soccer team?
If that happened with the Yankees, I would cheer.
I'm unchristian when it comes to them.
We have a fun show for you today.
We're not going to go over the past week because people pay money for this show and to regurgitate things they've already eaten is a waste of time, but this is the half an hour we get to talk to you.
In front of the paywall.
I thought we had a pretty fun show.
We went through that dick meme, the black dick guy, and we rated 20 of those memes, decided which one was best.
We also had, um, Joe, what's his name?
Ganaskeoli?
Ganaskeoli, yeah.
Dennis Goley on the show he was Vito fat Vito gay Vito on Sopranos and we we got him because we were obsessed with that scene in the Sopranos we've been re-watching it where he catches they catch him at the don't show it YouTube will shut us down you're right they catch him at the gay bar and he goes guys they go What are you doing?
And he goes, hey guys, I'm just, I'm here.
Yeah, I'm here.
I'm just here.
Which is not a great excuse.
And then, and then they go, what the fuck you doing, you a fag?
And he goes, it's a joke.
And he's got all the gear.
Like it's the most elaborate joke on earth.
He's got the hat.
Where were you guys?
We've been waiting this whole time.
Finally, you're here.
I felt like an asshole.
I had all these fucking fags all day.
I'll finally take this off after I fuck this guy.
Goddammit, I can relax.
But I did get jealous watching the video.
And I got jealous of Gaze.
Because it looks fun?
It looks so fun to go to a leather bar, like say you go to a leather bar with women everywhere and slutty woman would have like a leather thing and then you walk up with your leather shit on and you grab the hot chick in between her tits and just go, can I buy you a drink?
And she's like, sure, I'm a dumb slut.
You're like, all right.
Gays really have it great, don't they?
I feel like they just go home with each other so quickly that the place would empty out in like two hours.
Like, the party would end at nine.
No, then they come back.
Like, they fuck.
That's how they got AIDS.
They fuck everything that moves.
My wife, it worked in fashion for many years.
And she would, uh... She'd work with these gay dudes that were like... I'm actually getting super horny.
Oh, okay.
Well, I hope you're okay.
And they go, actually, I'm going to go get a fucking blowjob.
They would get up and just wander around Soho, meet someone.
This isn't at a gay bar.
This isn't even in a gay neighborhood.
Soho isn't necessarily gay.
It's not Chelsea or the West Village.
And they would just go meet someone.
They do their little look.
That's like a secret handshake.
He'd go get a beach and then just be back to work like, ah, anyway, what are we doing now?
We're setting up for the party on Thursday.
Sounds good to me.
I felt worthless.
I felt ugly.
I felt gay.
You are worthless, ugly, and gay in the negative sense.
Look at his fucking outfit.
Oh, we had Zuby on the show.
We interviewed Zuby today in a pre-interview.
That we'll show on Monday or something.
Great guy.
Interesting guy.
His dad is Nigerian.
He's a doctor and he lived in Saudi Arabia for 20 years.
Here's the deal as far as Earth goes.
If you come from a hellhole like Africa and then you live in an oven like Saudi Arabia as a doctor saving lives, You're good now for life.
You can eat babies.
I don't care.
Here's a bazooka.
You can do whatever you want.
You have infinite cars.
Like, Zuby and his father, go ahead.
You can use a helicopter to get to work.
I said that as a joke, but that's what killed Kobe, right?
Yeah.
He said, traffic is a bitch.
I want to just take a helicopter.
The guy died of hating traffic at the end of the day.
Anyway, we haven't aired it yet.
We'll air it next week, but here's a little salty taste.
The north of Nigeria would be far more dangerous, for example.
If someone was gay in Nigeria, would someone talking to them say, why are you gay?
Oh, like the Ugandan interviewer.
You are gay.
That was the best interview in the world.
I am not gay.
Why is the African accent so fun to do and why are you beating him?
Confusion of the highest order.
That was the best line in that whole thing.
Who is going to pay for it?
If you hang out with that boy, he's going to stab you and you will die and we have a funeral and who is going to pay for it?
Is that how your dad talks?
Sorry?
Is that how your dad talks?
Does he have that accent?
No, my dad does not talk like that.
Oh, that's too bad.
No.
Um, well, I can't even remember.
I can't remember what the, what the question was.
Zuby, why are you talking to a hit man?
And it went on like that.
By the way, have you noticed my shirt is, um, and you can't show this cause we're in on YouTube thin ice, but, uh, Robert De Niro in Cape Fear.
Ah, Is that like a prop or like you got one that just like it?
Yeah, like when you draw conclusions.
What do you mean is that a prop?
Like is that meant to be from Cape Fear?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Where do you get stuff like that?
You Google Robert De Niro's shirt in Cape Fear.
It will come up with an ad and you click on it and give them your credit card.
There it is.
Wow.
I think it's also the wallpaper in Scarface, which is weird.
Is that on purpose?
Who knows?
Is one shouting the other out?
Oh, there we go.
Wow.
That's like an exact replica.
Now, our next sponsor is, now that we're at 15 minutes in, is Heshy Socks.
Oh yeah, there's a commercial for that.
You made a commercial for Heshy Socks.
I did.
And I don't think it'd be fair if I didn't make one for the other one, so I guess those are coming?
Should we hit it?
Yep.
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That's the worst commercial I've ever seen.
The audio's coming through really good here, but yeah, you're right.
No, I heard the music, but weren't you supposed to say, don't you hate when you're going through... Yeah, yeah.
Was that in it?
Yeah, it's in the headphones only.
Isn't that weird?
No, I don't need to hear it now.
Yeah, I swear to heaven.
So there's narration saying, don't you hate when your socks are all... And did you say poopy?
No, I said shitty.
Okay.
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And by the way, behind the paywall, which happens in about 10 minutes, I'm giving away two pairs of Heshy socks to caller one and two.
Other major giveaways going too.
By the way, before we started this show, we were kind of on a feminist bend.
Feminist tangent.
We were watching Nikki Glaser roast people and appear on Conan.
And though we say women aren't funny, we're obviously not retards and we're aware of exceptions.
And Nikki Glaser is an exception.
She's especially good at the roasts.
You can tell she wrote the jokes herself.
High quality human.
Really sad that she's not married.
I hate hearing her jokes about being skull fucked and being a useless slut that, uh, Nobody wants anymore.
That's pathetic.
And we were also listening to the Cocteau Twins, where I think that their song, Pearly Dew Drops, is just based on phonetics.
I don't think that song means anything.
Pearly, pearly, pearly, pearly, likey, likey, dew drops too.
Scottish band.
Can we dare play that?
That's probably going to be the worst hit of all.
Like, have you played Sopranos?
They might not be able to find that as easy as a song.
Oh, come on.
Just play it.
Okay.
Okay.
So what is it called?
The Pearly Dew Drops.
Pearly Dew Drops.
It's weird because I'm saying we would have made that our intro song, but we don't want to get a ding, but here I am playing it anyway.
But I don't think any other band has done this where they just made The words, an instrument.
She has no interest in conveying any information.
By the way, when you subscribe to Sensor.TV, we go through the opening song and discuss it and compare it to other songs and have a gay old time.
There's a lot of music on our show.
What is she out of ten?
Five?
She's Glaswegian.
Here we go.
Are you trying to fade in and out so they won't catch us?
No, so I can hear you talk.
Here we go.
That's it.
God, Scottish people are so intelligent.
That wasn't, that didn't mean anything.
The pearly, pearly, pearly, pearly judups.
Lucky, lucky, lucky.
She's just making sounds.
It's like an onomatopoeia type of thing.
Anyway, that's two wonderful women we have showcased on the show before we got to the show.
Nikki Glaser and the chick who sings for Cocteau Twins.
Let's dive into the news.
Now, before we get to the news, my parents are losing their fucking minds.
And they are calling me, incessantly, uh, with conspiracy theories.
But it's weird because my parents are anti-conspiracy theory.
So, they'll tell you something that sounds like a smoking gun, and you'll go, oh, so 9-11 was an inside job, and they'll go, oh for fuck's sakes!
I had hoped you had a higher IQ than that.
Pathetic, my boy.
Anyway, here's a typical example.
They get involved in everything.
Waco, my mom's obsessed with Waco.
You see what's going on with Waco, by the way?
Like, how'd they have to burn it down?
And Hillary Clinton was involved.
You heard of this woman, Charlene Lam?
And they'll send me links, like, of Charlene Lam, but it'll be the Wikipedia homepage.
And you're like, Mom, you sent me the homepage of Wikipedia.
I need the specific page you were on.
So then they end up, like, copying and pasting the text and then putting that in an email.
Because they can't figure out how to send a fucking URL.
Hey mom and dad, I know you watch the show.
Go to the top bar.
Clickety click it like crazy until it's all blue.
Then say copy.
Now put that in an email.
How long have we had the internet for?
Anyway, they're sending me all this fucking crap.
Hundreds and hundreds of piles of basically breakfast cereal.
And I have to sort through all these Froot Loops for something.
And I'm going through it going, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
They'll go back, by the way, to World War I and stuff.
So there'll be some coup in France in 1912 I'm supposed to give a shit about.
But as I'm sifting through this crap, just like in Animal House, where they find the carbon copy for the test.
Remember when D-Day and Bluto are trying to find the fake test?
And eventually they come out of the dumpster and they go, we got it!
By the way, it was planted there by their enemies.
It's not the actual carbon copy.
There you go.
But I had kind of a moment where he sent me this shit and I was like, Hey, stupid old man, stop sending me your garbage.
And then I sort of went, actually, this is, this is kind of something.
I didn't know about this, but have you ever heard of Schaefer?
What's his name?
Lieutenant Colonel Anthony Schaefer.
This is 1-4.
So this is a guy who worked for a company called...
Well, he worked for the Defense Intelligence Agency, which is essentially a division of the CIA.
And his group was called the Able Danger, uh, whatever, Agency Commission Group Project.
And they were researching terrorism in 2000.
In 2000, they discovered a guy named Mohammed Atta.
Who looked like he might get up to some mischief soon.
He might get up to some trouble.
And here is my dad's cut-and-pasted Wikipedia thing where he says, according to his later statement in Congress, October 20, 2003, Schaefer told the 9-11 Commission that Staff Director Philip D. Zekal that in 2000, a DIA data mining program known as AbleDanger had uncovered two of the three Terrorist cells which the FBI determined committed 9-11.
Schaefer reportedly told Z Zalikow that DIA leadership declined to share his information with the FBI because military lawyers expressed concerns about the legality of doing so.
This is when your crazy parents that send you garbage all day Become pretty good researchers.
Maybe all of you 9-11 conspiracists have heard of this before.
This is the first time I've come across this guy.
Lieutenant Colonel Anthony Schaefer.
He predicted 9-11.
And he identified two of the three cells involved in the attack, including one of the fucking pilots, Muhammad Atta.
And the FBI said, no, no, we're not doing this.
Now here's the craziest part.
Schaffer published memoirs of his time as a reports officer in Afghanistan in a book titled Operation Dark Heart.
Schaffer claims that the Defense Department attempted to preserve secrecy of revelations made by the book by buying up and destroying all 10,000 copies of the book's first uncensored run before allowing for the release of a second, heavily censored printing.
Not bad, you bald asshole, who looks like a turtle with AIDS.
So that's my two cents for this show.
I want to catch up on the mail.
We have an unprecedented number of letters because people are sitting on their asses and we get like maybe 200 a day.
Don't worry, we're not getting there quite yet.
We get 200 a day and I only answer three a show.
So I'm hoping to sort of shovel our way out of this mess from 9.30 to 10 and then we'll take calls at 10.
We're going to cut you freebies off.
By the way, Heshy Socks sent me like three pairs, and they sent Milo about twenty pairs.
Ouch.
The fuck does that mean?
Sounds like they sent you twenty and sent him two.
Sounds like he's better for their brand.
That hurts.
And if you like Milo more than me, and you think he's more dapper, maybe you should take that as a good sign.
Alright, so let's Begin to go behind the paywall.
We've done Red Pill Living.
We've done Heffy.
Let's go back to our favorite sponsor, Johnny Apple CBD.
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They just introduced a strawberry tincture and a vanilla tincture, which are en route to the studio.
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By the way, to the guy who writes this copy, you don't have to write W-W-W dot.
We haven't said that as a culture since 1996, maybe?
Um, yes.
So, thank you, JACBD.com, for promoting this show, for sponsoring this show.
You were one of the first, you're one of the steadiest, we like you more than a friend.
Alright, we're now going to drift behind the paywall, we're going to answer some mail, and, um, we're also going to do a Heshy Socks giveaway.
Uh, should they do any three things?
Maybe get fired?
Oh yeah.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
So again, that was from Censored.TV.
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We got Laura Loomer, Milo Yiannopoulos, Coppercab, Soph, Joe Biggs, John Miranda.
We got conversations with Candace Owens, Cornel West.
Stan Colter, Roger Stone, the list goes on and on.
We have live shows where we call in, we read your letters.
You can find out more here on Twitter and Instagram.
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