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April 22, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:18:21
S02E154 - THE SOPRANOS [2020-04-22 - S02E154 - THE SOPRANOS]
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Time Text
Hands up, who wants to die?
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Heaven!
Happy Birthday!
Black Supper Roddy!
There's Blix Bargel of Einsteiner Nurbotten on the guitars and Nick Cave on the vocals.
That was Nick Cave's first band, The Birthday Party.
Amazing band.
It's funny how Black Sabbath said they wanted to do horror music, but that music is scary.
Hands up!
Who wants to die?
They were the ones who had that song deep in the woods, where a dress floats down the well and it assumes the shape and the body of a little girl.
I recognize that girl.
She stumbled in some time last loneliness.
Fuck me.
I almost chose this song that I heard on KXP this morning by Grimes, who was Elon Musk's love interest, called 4am, but the beginning's too slow, and it's got to really come out of the gate if we're using it to intro the show.
It kind of reminds me of those remixes they used to do with the Kawali singer, Nusrat Fatah Ali Khan.
He did a song with Eddie Vedder.
Don't look it up.
But go back to that Grimes song.
just jump into the middle or even the last third because it builds up So when you hear the whole song as an entire package, it's good.
It's not as good as Ryan's awesome taste in music, though.
He was just showing me a badass chick singing for Hailstorm.
Hailstorm.
So I introduced you to all these interesting bands.
You can check out and go down the rabbit hole with the birthday party, then Nick Cave or Grimes has interesting stuff.
Or you could follow Ryan's root, the root of the single mom and the bored son.
This is what Ryan likes.
She's just got a great voice.
She's got a great voice, he says.
Who says that?
Let's rock.
I really like this band.
The chick who sings can really, she's got a great voice.
It's really rocking.
she belts It's Blueshammer.
You are literally a joke.
Your taste in music is in the movie Ghost World, where they're making fun of hard rocking bands.
I don't particularly like this song, but she belts.
She belts.
Oh my God.
It's a little too low.
Just imagine Ryan in the audience and she's like, wow!
And he's just like, whoa.
You really belted that song out, chick.
Is that Blueshammer right there?
Believe these people, but he at least turn off their stupid sports game until he's done playing.
No, that's not it.
Maybe it's a little after that?
This is Ryan's favorite band.
We're getting down in the Delta blues.
So get ready to rock your world.
Woo!
What do you think of this band?
You like blues hammers.
That's a good sound.
This is your taste of music.
Anyway, speaking of Matchbox 20, I've never heard of this comedian before.
Apparently, he's super famous.
He does this character called Gale, where he plays a housewife, who's like an overachieving housewife.
I'm not into characters.
I love Jim Norton.
I respect him deeply.
I'd blow him right now if he walked into the room.
And speaking of dicks, we have a very in-depth expose on that black dick meme later on the show.
And speaking of gay, we have, we need to get Fat Vito on today's show.
Now, you say you have his phone number.
I do.
Did you call him yet?
I've got his connection.
I think he's driving around right now, but we could get him.
Let's get him in his car.
I don't care.
All right, I'll let him know.
It's good audio in cars.
That's why many people do their little silly little videos there.
But anyway, yeah, Andrew Dice Clay, Chip Chipperson, just beat, like, just tell the truth.
Like Louis C.K. does.
That's funny to me.
That's the funniest thing.
Anyway, here he is not doing a character, talking about when he saw Matchbox 20, who he calls Matchbox Vain.
Vain is French for 20.
I saw Rob Thomas live in concert a while back.
That's the vocalist for Matchbox 20.
Kind of haunts me.
The show was going how you would expect.
And then towards the end, he claimed that Carlos Santana has called him every single night for the last 20 years.
It can't be so.
It can't be so.
Ah!
Every night?
The whole crowd, it was like a very American eagle crowd with a lot of families in carpenter jeans.
They were all behind him for most of it.
And then he dropped that and everyone was like, woo!
He's like, every night?
That can't be right.
It was like the lie of a child.
It was a child's lie.
It shows no understanding of another human being, the complexity of another human being's life.
Every night, Rob?
You're saying that since pre-Y2K, every single night?
Every single night, Carlos will tuck his guitar into his top bunk, climb down, take off his leather hat, get in the bottom bunk, and before settling down for a long winter's nap, he takes out his Android and he calls the lead singer of Matchbox Vault?
Every, I don't think, Rob, you got to scale that back, my guy.
I have a twin, and we take Tuesdays off.
I know feral children that grew up together in the mosque.
All they had was themselves and maybe a marmoset that they worshiped.
They were plucked out and put into Seattle.
And like, and even they talk only five nights a week.
Rob, you gotta, every night you in Santa on the blower?
You gotta back it up.
What?
Scale it back?
Every single night.
It's so true.
All the time, just say.
A lot.
Like, you'd have, imagine how madly in love you'd have to be to call someone every single fucking day.
That's honeymoon phase.
That's like you're scared she's going to leave you, phase.
All right, a little more rock talk before we start the show.
Oh, there they are hanging out.
What a goof he looks like.
He's just a moron.
I don't like using the word stupid, but he's just a dumb, stupid kid.
I bet Carlos Santana's really boring to talk to on the phone, too.
I would just keep wanting to correct his grammar.
No, it's roofs, not roofs.
You know, like I correct yours.
Beastie Boys.
I was watching some dumb clickbait thing, and they were talking about bands who hate their fans.
And I remembered, like, the Beastie Boys, their first album, Licensed to Ill, was a big party album.
They were party dudes.
They were punk rockers.
They had a great album, by the way, really good hardcore album called Polly Wog Stew.
And then they started getting into rap, and they had this sort of hyperbolic angle, but it was still them.
They weren't making fun of jocks.
But then they got older and they got more politically correct.
And Kathleen Hanna married one of them, and she's a big feminist.
So then they changed it and said, no, that was a joke.
Just like fucking Fat Vito when he gets caught at the gay club and he goes, it's a joke.
Guys, it's a joke.
So here they are saying that License to Ill was a goof.
Beastie Boys.
By now, the Beastie Boys have cemented their legacy as one of the most influential hip-hop acts of all time, stringing together album after album of pure genius for nearly three decades.
When you think of old school hip-hop, you no doubt think of Run DMC, Grandmaster Flash, and the Beastie Boys.
Or if you're one of those people, you think of you gotta fight for your right to party.
But that wasn't a unique song on the album, too.
They were all like that.
It's not like the rest were like, yo, what's up?
This is a hip-hop song, and I'm Grandmaster Flash, and that's what crazy rock song over there that we don't use anymore.
Rick Rubin said, stay rock, be white, and still rap.
You don't have to give up on your hardcore punk rock past.
And they went, okay.
And then they also said, get rid of the fat chick.
She's a bummer.
And they were like, no problem.
And they got rid of, I think her name was Kate.
And then she started Luscious Jackson.
And then they put her on their label as a sorry for kicking her to the curb.
So they were sexist.
You might not belong at a Beastie Boy show.
Initially meant as a satirical take on the dopey, brainless party songs of the era.
Well, the video is clearly exaggerating and they're having fun with it, but this is who they were.
Like Twisted Sisters, I Wanna Rock.
The Beastie Boys breakthrough hit unfortunately went on to define the early part of their career entirely.
Try as they may, they just couldn't quite escape the legions of backwards cap-wearing jocks who unironically loved what should be a joke song.
Mike D put it first when he said okay wait.
I just what was his name?
The guy with the beard who's like Big Zen?
Rick did I say call him Rick Ross?
Rick Rubin?
Rick Rubin.
Rick Rubin.
I just saw him in the party scene.
We don't want to bother going back, but I just realized he's in that video partying.
He ruins bands.
When Rick Rubin is like shit Midas.
Since the Beastie Boys, every band he touches just their career ends.
Shit Midas.
And I quote, we might have reinforced certain values of some people in our audience when our own values were actually totally different.
There were tons of guys singing along to fight for your right who were oblivious to the fact that it was a total goof on them.
So all you jokes out there, the beastie boys are not fans of you.
Okay, so they were just kidding.
They were playing characters.
So how did they really party?
They just smoked pot like an animal house and talked to Donald Sutherland?
Was that how they partied?
Or did they grab women by the pussy and throw pies at them exactly like they did in the video?
this is a lead up to 1-5.
While you're staring at the old video there.
Everybody, everybody, everybody.
I guess this is a joke too.
Are they mocking jocks when they sign women's bellies?
And then put a pen.
And then what does he do?
God, I wish girls tore dressed like that.
Now he puts his hand down there and starts fingering her.
You know, like you do when you're making fun of jocks.
He's literally grabbing her by the pussy.
And she's laughing and loving it.
So stop lying.
And there's nothing to me.
You're allowed to be a douche, a stupid idiot.
That's what 20-year-old was designed for.
That's what rock and roll is designed for.
It's got a beat.
It's meant to simulate fucking.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, duna, duna, duna, dana.
It's all about partying and being an idiot.
If you can't be an idiot when you're 20, when can you be an idiot?
So don't rewrite history and pretend your youth was a mistake and you were just kidding.
You were a horny little kid.
Good.
Have fun.
This is what I hate about the late BC boys trying to eradicate this from their history.
It's anti-fun.
It's anti-color.
Yes, you were sexist.
Yes, you said fag.
Egg raid on Mojo.
That was a song on Polywog Stew about this bouncer named Mojo, who I know, big, huge black guy who collects punk seven inches.
And they couldn't come into the show if they didn't have money.
And the Beastie Boys didn't have money, so they couldn't come into the show.
So they would get mad and they would go buy eggs with what little money they had and whip him at him.
And he goes, you know, that song egg raid on Mojo is bullshit, right?
They never hit me once with one egg.
I said, technically, Mojo, they never said they hit you with any eggs.
They just said there was an egg raid on Mojo.
You've got two things playing at once, Genius.
Good drumming, huh?
I think that's Kate, the chick they kicked out.
Headrate on Mojo!
All right.
Since the chick episode, we've had a lot of people sending us hot chicks.
And I'm going to show some of them, but I'm getting paranoid that we're turning into simps, just ogling hot chicks.
So we want to focus more on gross babes.
Babes that aren't normally attractive, but you find them attractive.
Because these hot chicks, we're never going to get to fuck them.
I'm not talking about me.
I'm Mary, but you know what I mean.
Yeah, you look like you could be a movie star, doi, and you'll probably be a model, and you'll probably marry some bald, rich asshole producer, director guy who is going to get you in more movies.
And he's boring, and you're boring, and you talk about your photography like it's good, or we give a shit.
So incredibly beautiful women are a total waste of time in every direction.
But before we say goodbye to 10s, let's check out this 10 a reader sent in.
Her name is Luanne Veccia.
She's a Parisian, I believe.
She's French.
And she's a 10.
Look at that.
You know what's great about French women?
They're female.
Like, she's not going to go up to a bouncer and go, what, motherfucker?
You want to do this bitch?
With her flip-flops and her leggings and, like, her phone in her hand 24 hours a day.
You know, like, what we've done to American women is really defeminize them.
I think French women are the only real women left.
And Australian men are the only real men left.
The rest of us have just botched it.
She is alarming.
Chin is a little too handsome.
You know what I mean?
Handsome chin.
I'd want her to get fatter if I was her boyfriend.
It must be weird when you're a chick and that's your friend.
Because everywhere you guys go together, you're the ugly person.
Ugly, as my youngest boy pronounces it.
Wait, who's another one?
Yeah, check out this other one.
1-7.
It's another French chick.
Camille.
Camille Olaine.
See, now, this is very interesting because technically, she's not that hot.
She's a 6.8, 6.9, like if she was naked in a morgue, lying on a slab, right?
That's where you're least attractive.
You see that picture of Marilyn Monroe in the morgue.
She's not exactly mouthwatering.
However, and this is why fashion is so important, because this woman is so feminine and she's not wearing fucking sweatpants and she's not yelling at bouncers and she doesn't have a neck tattoo.
Although I don't find tattoos that turn off, I don't mind tattoos when they're little, little doohickeys, sort of scattered.
But yeah, see, that's a woman.
And that brings her up because you think a big part of attraction is marriage.
You're thinking, what would she be like 10, 20 years down the road?
And you know that no matter how old she gets, she's never going to have crocs on.
You know?
She's always going to be a lady.
And even when she's 75, like go up a little bit.
You see that top button?
No, now it's down.
Yeah, that with the top button.
That's how she's going to dress when she's 80.
And it'll be white hair and everything, but you'll still be with a lady.
You won't be with a Karen who's calling the cops because there's a black person in the pool.
All right.
They might be trying to save their lives, though.
Because you're not really great at swimming, you see.
I see.
But let's get into some gross babes.
Now, I knew this chick.
She's the bassist for the Pixies now.
Remember, the drummer for the Pixies was dating Jennifer Chiba?
You got the wrong picture there, Retard.
Her name is Paz Linchantin.
I didn't include a link for her because it's important to sort of see her.
P-A-Z Linchantin.
She's kind of old.
My buddy Matt Sweeney was dating her.
She was in his band, Zwan.
And I was like, dude, she's a musician.
You play guitar.
She plays bass.
Marry her.
Put a ring on it.
And now, just like all his relationships, he just sort of like loses interest.
It was so frustrating.
She's funny, cool, interesting, weird.
She goes on stage with no shoes on.
Look at her playing the fucking violin.
And he let her go.
Now, this is the babe, kind of babe I want to focus on, gross babes.
As Oscar Wilde said, pretty is pretty, but only ugly can be beautiful.
And this woman with her whole context and the fact that she's an amazing musician, these pictures aren't great of her.
Oh, look at, do the red t-shirt one.
It's just below that.
No, no, down.
The one where she's like that.
Yeah, that one.
You see what I'm talking about?
See what I'm screaming?
Although, I got to say, as a mate, you'd be worried about her on tour if you're not in the band making out with the singer at some point when they're both wasted after a bottle of wine at the hotel.
Guys, if your girlfriend's in a band, she's cheating on you.
I'm sorry.
But everywhere she goes, there's 400 eyes staring at her and wanting her, just like a teacher.
You know these teachers who fuck their students, the females?
It's just a numbers game.
If thousands of people want to fuck you, the second you consider the possibility, there's going to be a dink there.
So if she's like, no, no, no, no, no, maybe dink, then it closes and the dink's already on the other side.
Someone sent this in, and it's so gross, it might be too gross.
That's the picture you pulled up earlier.
She plays a Russian on the show Shameless.
The main chick in the show Shameless is amazing.
But her name is Isadora Gorscher.
And this is an interesting case where the boobs do some heavy lifting and change her rating.
So maybe get me out of the way here just for a second.
Like those boobs are fucking fantastic.
It's like you get a little bonus feature.
It's sort of like you buy a car and then you get all of the upgrades.
So this isn't just a chick.
She's bringing you boobs.
Welcome.
Hey, look what I brought.
BYO boobs.
So I'm going to give her...
And I'm going to say that she'd be a lot more fun than a lot of other these chicks.
From now on, we have to factor fun in.
Like that first chick, she's too pretty to be fun.
I don't know.
I don't see her.
There's no way she could be intelligent or funny and enjoy inside jokes.
I don't see it.
But I do with these other ones like Paz and Isadora.
And this chick, a reader sent in.
Show the big picture of him with her.
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
This is some country singer I'd never heard of before.
Look at her dress.
Look at her boots.
Zoom out.
Aren't those boots special?
I like her boots.
And the fact that she's a country singer, again, she's gonna cheat on you probably, It doesn't add value to your house.
I spent $50,000 on my swimming pool at my place upstate.
And when I sold it, I didn't get that $50,000 back.
It was like it wasn't there.
So a musician is cool to you, but you also are risking her cheating, so it goes back down again.
Let's see those links that he sent with her, though.
What's her name?
Sierra Elizabeth Farrell.
So Sierra Farrell.
That's a cool name.
See, this is what I want to focus on from now on.
Oh, she has a face tattoo?
Like, slow down.
And her music's really good.
And she's classy and weird and interesting.
What's this?
Oh, I'm going to be too close.
Don't worry about it.
Okay, click on another video.
I think there's some songs in there.
Oh, yeah.
The nose rings have gotta go, please, ladies.
I just want to reach in there and take it off.
And that kind of tattoo is totally acceptable.
A lady can have this much surface area of tattoos.
Now, you can make that all one tattoo, or you can spread it out with little tattoos all over your body.
But that's it.
No more fucking squid that takes up your ass cheek and your whole thigh.
That's gross.
See, I'd be really worried about those two getting it on if I was her boyfriend.
Quality.
All right, one more link for her.
Got one more link, bitch.
Any sign of Fat Vito?
I better not call him that.
Was he called Fat Vito on the show?
No, the month, so be on the lookout for those episodes.
But we are just thrilled to be able to close out our day today with what you're working on.
In Memphis.
She exceeded her tattoo limit with that.
Oh, under our hair.
Spotted.
Uh-oh.
Figured.
Well, let's get to do that.
Please welcome, Sierra Farrell.
Look at that crowd.
Those all look like the best dudes in the world to hang out with.
If I was at that show, I'd be looking around waiting for when she's done so we can get beers.
You guys have a cooler there.
Okay, I'll wait.
I'm sorry.
Uh-oh, they're actually looking a little too hipstery-flops.
Oof.
Like professional-grade flip-flops.
I hate when they have a good brand, like Brazil.
You know what I mean?
Like cool flip-flops.
These have features and functions.
These are actually the highest quality flip-flops you can get.
They're orthopedic.
Well, that's the worst quality thing I've ever heard.
But my favorite is still Natasha Dimitrio.
What would you describe it?
Just pause.
She's in a really good show that I highly recommend called What We Do in the Shadows.
I've recommended it on the show when it came out, and I'm still supporting it in a big way.
And she's a fantastic part of it.
He's, of course, what's his name?
Matt Berry.
He's probably the funniest person in the world.
She has way too much makeup on in this clip.
But look how endearing and, again, feminine she is.
It's a vampire comedy show.
Vampire mockumentary comedy show, I'd added maybe.
Because it is a documentary.
I love that.
Yeah.
Loosely.
Loosely.
Loosely, of course.
You did just get into a fight before this.
No, he's trying to make her laugh by being obstinate.
Oh.
I would say the two things that stand out for me are witches and music.
Oh, yeah.
That's good.
There's witches.
I enjoyed all that.
Okay, now skip to the next one.
See, the personality is such a huge part of this.
She's so warm.
Like that country music chick on a piece of paper at the morgue, she's a five.
But with the context and the sweetness and the guitar, she gets up to like a 7.2.
But look at how warm and charming Natasha is.
I love you.
Natasha?
Love you.
Lovely to meet you.
I said, love you.
Lovely to meet you.
I love you too.
I love you.
I can't live with you.
Hello, Rick Offet.
I love you.
It's Natasha, right?
See what I mean?
This is the winner.
This is what I want to focus on.
I'm done with fucking supermodels.
Of course, supermodels are pretty.
That's their job.
They're not part of our world.
It's not interesting.
This person's interesting.
This is a wife.
The most well-acted, I'd say.
She's really horny.
She loves blood and she's really thick.
Which is the thing I keep getting typecasters playing.
Did you see the film when it came out?
I did.
Of course I did.
I didn't.
I could be bothered.
No, I loved it.
It's so good.
Is that enough TikTok?
TikTok!
Let's get serious now and talk about that meme everyone's sending around with the huge dick, shall we?
We shall.
Someday I'll cut him down.
NSFW, this is not safe for work.
We have not just a penis coming up, but a penis the size of a small child.
That's not a great analogy.
I should have used something else.
A puppy?
So we have a puppy-sized penis coming up.
It belongs to a guy named Wardy Joubert III, also known to his friends as Wood.
He died of a heart attack a few years ago, but during a low time in his life, he did some porn.
I don't know if he actually did video porn or he just posed nude for a gay mag.
Women don't buy those kind of things.
But that's the background behind this meme, and it's become the most successful meme of all time.
We've chosen about 20 of our favorite examples of this giant blackcock, and we're going to be rating them out of 10.
Please join us and tell us what you think.
Let's start with the first one.
Minor Threat.
He's been added to the Minor Threat album.
This is not great.
And I don't know why it's blacked out.
So we're going to give that a two.
Five.
This one takes a while.
And for that, we're going to give it a nine.
Good work.
Because they added the shine.
And that's not easy.
Someone took that into Photoshop and really spent an afternoon creating that.
That's the best one I've seen in a long ass time.
Oh, this is a video?
Oh, you know, you already know where this is going, right?
I couldn't help it.
It just popped in there.
What?
What just popped in there?
I tried to think.
Look!
No!
It can't be!
What is it?
It can't be.
What did you do, Ray?
Oh, shit!
Oh no!
That's a ten.
I'm with my rating system now.
After that caller yesterday, or that viewer mail saying that we're too nice to Taronta Burke and we should give her a one, that was very liberating for me.
I'm done with hiding from ones and tens.
I'm going to start including them in my write-ups a lot more.
So that was a 10.
That was a perfect 10.
What's this now?
Top of the stencil.
And look at how beautiful that is.
Yeah, well, it's a stationary camera, you see.
So it's not that hard to do.
If he was moving, I'd be really impressed.
We're going to give that an eight.
Good stuff.
What do we got next?
We already know where this is going.
Actually, I didn't know that.
The perspective seems to be changing as we go by.
Oh, that's.
Is that a 9 or a 10?
That's a...
I mean, it's harder to do video than to do.
When you think of like the 24 frames a second, I'm not sure how this will work in a computer.
Behind almost every shitty meme is a person that tried to make you smile.
Look at the bottom left.
Now look at the penguin's beak.
You're a cunt.
This is much better on a phone where you can go like that.
That's very good.
I'm going to give it a 6.8.
Pretty good.
Kind of it simple, though.
And I've been spoiled by those beans.
So we're going to give this a 6.
In the name of Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus.
Standing in the office, Prophet of God.
I execute judgment on you, COVID-19.
I execute judgment on you, Satan.
You destroyed.
You killed me.
You bad.
You break your birth.
You get off this nation.
I demand judgment on you.
They made him smile.
He's smiling more.
Wow.
That might be the most NSFW we've had ever on this entire show.
We've never had black pornography.
Somehow it's even more rude when it's a person of color.
We've never had a big giant black dick being jerked off.
Five.
Oh, let me go back to that one we just saw.
I'm going to give it an 8.5.
This, okay, fine.
I'll get drunk and say 6.
What do you think?
You like Shrek.
So this...
Yeah, all right, next.
Pretty good, But again, we've been spoiled by beans.
I'm going to go with the six.
Very nice to meet you.
I'm Catherine, and this is William next to me.
Yeah, well done, you.
Can you hold it up a bit to your left so we can see it?
That's it.
Brilliant.
Look at that.
Oh, that's great.
That's a strong look.
We still put our punishers on.
If we'd known, we'd have put ours on too.
That's pretty good.
6.8.
Next.
Go ahead.
So with these, you know where it's going, but you're just wondering what the execution will be.
And this would look a lot better on your phone, obviously.
By the way, that just reminded me.
This is the stylist for Jaws was a man.
The editor was a woman.
Everything was topsy-turvy in that movie.
And the looks on, what's his name?
Rob Schneider, whatever?
Forget his name.
Are perfect.
If you're looking for outfit ideas for this spring, focus on Jaws.
If you want to be more formal, you should copy the looks of David Cassavetes in the film Rosemary's Baby.
And ladies, if you're looking for a look this summer, please copy Terry Garr in Oh God.
All right, let's get back to the cocks.
Roy Scheider This is amazing too, because it's not really a video, right?
We're seeing something that someone crafted.
You could get him big shit for that at most jobs.
Right?
That's the problem with HR and political correctness.
Like, this isn't pornographic per se.
It's a silly joke.
It's not demeaning anyone.
He's dead.
Who cares?
And it's not like you're trying to, like, turn on any of the chicks at the office and make them uncomfortable, right?
Like, the fact that adults could get in trouble for that is downright depressing.
Jesus Christ, what's happened in this world?
In the 70s, that would be hilarious to everyone involved.
We've gotten so much less fun in one generation.
What the fuck happened to us?
Oh, sorry.
I forgot to write that.
I'm feeling kind of revolutionary after seeing that, so I'm going to give it a nine.
That's really good.
7.8.
This is amazing.
Look at his face.
Whoa.
What was Kanye showing him?
Don't pull out your phone when you're talking to the president.
It's like Jerry Seinfeld said.
I don't care if you met an alien.
Just tell me about it.
I don't want you to pull it up on your photos.
All right, next.
Oh, that was a nine.
A couple of times when I get there, and I don't think anybody actually has a choice.
It's a bold package.
It's a big package.
It's a bold package.
It's great.
And good work on the editing, trying to keep that camera steady.
Oh, wow.
Look at that.
What a little busybody.
So there's only one left?
Okay, so this is a tribute to Wood, Wardy Joubert III, who we lost in 2016.
He was my age at the time.
We were both born in this 70.
So let's bid adieu to the giant black penis.
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance for a break that would make it okay.
Nine.
You feel me?
Deep when it's hot the end of six.
Tiger King is getting kind of hacked now.
Seven.
I missed the Brady bunch.
Look at that as six.
That's really good.
Wow.
Nine.
Maybe.
Seven.
Not funny.
Five.
Whatever.
Five.
We have already seen this one.
what we gave it but I think an eight is fair eight that That one's really good.
What was the point of the original picture?
Like, someone said, hey, I got Cheeto dust in my fingers.
Take a picture of me.
All right.
That is the most black cock we've ever had on the show, and it's the most black cock we ever will have on the show.
I apologize.
I apologize.
You know, when I was researching that, I discovered this article that some chick from Vice wrote, 2-4, about this guy.
And God, I'm clearly, that company is not what I started.
It was fucking fun when I was there.
But now I feel like David Lee Roth hearing the song, right now, with Sammy Hager and just going, what have you done?
And she wrote this article about Woody, and she's a racist, this woman.
She hates white people, and she puts black people on a pedestal, which I hate because it's racist.
And she's writing about him in this real, what?
I'll go look for it.
She's writing about him in this really patronizing way that is so coddling.
It's like the way these white liberals, they write about blacks the way they write about puppy dogs.
In fact, she mentions puppy dogs and hugs and his big bear hugs and what a boon he was to this community and blah, blah, blah.
she's making him into this fucking saint.
And you're like, no, that's it.
He's just a piece of shit who was broke because he's lazy or a piece of shit.
And he did a bunch of porn because he's a fucking loser.
And she's like, he was forced to do that photo shoot to save his childhood home.
What?
He probably got 400 bucks for that?
That's what he was short on on the mortgage?
400 bucks.
We're going to take away your home unless you pay us $400.
Okay, I'll go do porn.
But you got to read this article.
Like, just choose any.
When Wood became the unwitting star of thousands upon thousands of these bait and switch prank texts, it wasn't news to Al-Arigia or even to Joubert that nude photos of their beloved wardy are floating.
Like, listen to that.
Or go up a couple.
Yeah, go up a couple.
There, there, that paragraph.
What does it say?
Countless comments on social media posts I've read mention his smile, his sense of humor, and how he made everyone feel like a friend.
Countless examples of that.
I looked her up because I don't read vice.
You don't check in on your ex-wife.
And God, she was writing some article about how, what's her name?
The Ariana Grande pretends she's black and her wax figure shows that she's actually not black.
And you're like, Ariana Grande pretends she's black?
She has long straight hair that's six feet long.
How is that pretending to be black?
It's blacks pretending to be us when they have long straight hair.
I don't know if you know this, but blacks have curly hair.
Yeah, that's the same writer.
And in that same patronizing tone, Tom Segura, who I think is a really good comedian, he's like, we need to raise money for this guy.
Everyone's using his image without his permission, and we should help.
Like, fuck off.
You know what I mean?
You want to know a real charity?
JusticeForliberty.com.
Liberals took away a black kid's father in the name of fighting racism.
Now three kids don't have a dad for four fucking years.
That kid, that baby will be a walking, talking person by the time John gets out.
That's a legit charity.
Some loser who did porn once and is a meme who's dead and has been dead for four years.
We're raising money for him.
That's so phony.
It's patronizing.
It's like, guess what I'm doing?
I'm helping one of these savage beasts.
It's treating them like animals, really.
You know what I mean?
Like some adopt-a-kid thing.
For a nickel a day, you can donate.
Save the Negroes.
For a nickel a day, you can donate money to this little Negro.
Now, this is going to be a challenge for you, Ryan.
It reminded me of what you were talking about yesterday, and I haven't even seen this, where Conan O'Brien went to Tracy Morgan's house.
Now, we showed Tracy Morgan's house on the show.
It's fucking ridiculous in a funny way.
He has sharks in his pool table.
So this is how an egalitarian who's not racist talks to a black guy who does that.
Ready?
Don't show it yet.
You go, you're out of your fucking mind.
You have sharks in your pool table?
Jesus, dude.
And your cars are insane.
You what?
You just have every best car in the world?
You're fucking nuts.
You're a mental patient.
I thought, I used to think like the Tracy Morgan thing.
Yo, that bitch is pregnant.
I thought it was a joke.
You were clinically insane.
I think this is proof.
You know how Walmart says that they want their money back?
I think this is proof that you're mental, that you suffered brain damage in that crash, dude.
Fuck.
Now, let's look at how Conan does it.
Does not do that.
In the last OG on TBS, I am thrilled.
Tracy Morgan.
Tracy.
How are you?
Kobax, Kobax.
Until the beep, check it out.
Okay, I don't know what you're talking about.
We got to start, first of all, that is your own fish tank behind you.
Yeah.
That is, is this right, the fourth largest private fish tank in the world?
It's not a fish tank.
Doesn't this look like a fish tank?
A fish tank is a fishbowl.
That's something you buy at Coney Island.
This is an aquarium.
Okay, I'm sorry.
You have your own private aquarium.
You can't keep a hammer head in a little fish tank.
You have sharks in there.
That's a shark.
This has the vibe of kids say the darndest thing.
Yes.
It's so patronizing.
Well, that's a lot of fish.
Look at you.
His over emotives.
Fake laughing.
Okay, I hope you don't lose an arm.
But why would you suddenly talk like a pirate if you lost your arm?
Because pirates lose arms and have hooks.
I don't want the new stuff.
I don't want the modern stuff.
If I lose arm, I want a hook.
Fake laughing.
I've been watching all the Conan stuff.
You cut to yourself.
With Russell Brand and some other folks.
And yeah, this one has just an odd tone.
I have a pimple so big it's like a wart, basically.
I have a care so big it doesn't exist.
That doesn't make sense.
But you also said he gets mad when people swear on the show, but with Tracy, he was just letting all the swearing go.
Go back to your face.
It's like his thing when people swear they go...
And for this, he doesn't.
Ryan, a woman would hide her zit from the camera.
He gave nipple.
Do you think chicks care about a zit?
I don't care about chicks.
I don't want to look at this.
Well, we're looking at it.
Go back to you.
Okay.
Well, NSFW, this is a nipple on my face.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Basically.
So, I basically said what I had to say, that when people curse, it's his gag to be like, whoa, whoa, no.
All right.
I've had enough of you.
Let's go to Gay Vito, who I've wanted on the show since yesterday, when I watched him say, it's a joke.
It's a joke!
Joe, are you there, sir?
Yeah, I'm here.
I'm here.
What kind of cigar are you smoking?
Rocky Patel.
Ah, it's my guy.
Have you ever noticed that when Italians move to LA, everyone thinks that they're in the mob, and then sometimes they sort of play up that character?
Like they go, yeah, my cousin knows a few guys.
That's not just LA.
It's like no matter where I, where you go.
I lived in New Orleans back in the 80s, and they always thought I was connected.
I've noticed some guys, like from the Bronx that moved to LA, they'll actually play up the accent more because it's so rare.
Yeah, they like to pour it on, like, how he's doing, I'll be right back.
I'm going to the bathroom, you know, that kind of shit.
There's this comedian, Joey Coco Diaz, and I was badmouthing this comedian, Ralphie May, and he tweets out.
He goes, hey, I hear you're a real gentleman, but if you disrespect my boy again, we're going to have a problem.
And I said to him, dude, Tony Soprano doesn't tweet.
Mobsters don't tweet out their hits.
They just handle it.
What a loser.
Joey Diaz.
was he with the Diaz brothers?
Yeah, well, I think he's...
Yeah, he was adopted or something by Italians.
So he has a Hispanic.
I don't know how it works, but I do know that New Yorkers in L.A. love to ham it up.
What are you doing with your chin there?
You want a better chin?
I am looking at my fucking chin.
I got like a 32-inch neck over here.
It looks fucking huge.
I think I've been fucking confined a little bit too much.
Yeah.
I've been watching a lot of crime movies.
I noticed you seem to be a little bit typecast as the Italian mobster guy, but I don't think anyone should have a problem with that.
A gig's a gig.
Oh, yeah.
You're not worried about being typecast.
You're just worried about being cast.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Who cares if you're the love interest and you got male?
Yeah, how many time mobsters you know played gay?
Zero.
Right?
Zero.
Yeah.
So that was the whole point of that when I suggested it is, you know, the show I can act.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good point.
There's plenty of room within that typecast to play different elements of that.
Yeah.
We actually have some exciting news here.
We have Tony Soprano also calling in.
He wants to say something.
Tone, are you there?
Yeah, I'm here.
How you doing?
Tony, did you have something you wanted to say to Vito?
Vito, it's been a long time.
How you doing?
What's going on, T?
I hope you're not upset with me, but, you know, things kind of turned out pretty bad.
And I'm sorry about it.
But it caused a lot of problems.
What the fuck were you doing?
Yeah.
It almost feels like it's sacrilegious here talking about me know what I mean?
I have a hard time doing this.
Yeah, well, you know, it's not James Gandalfini on the line.
It's Tony Soprano.
Well, I just wanted to say you were a good guy.
You're a good soldier.
And I'm sorry how it turned out.
I'll talk to you later.
God bless.
Yeah, no, I appreciate it.
Take it easy, buddy.
That's not bad, bud.
That's not bad.
It's one of the hardest imitations there is to do.
You got to sort of do your lips in difficult situations.
I can't do it.
Yeah, no, it's not bad.
It's not bad.
I mean, you know, you got to breathe through the nose and you got to.
It's not bad.
It seems like easy.
I mean, I love imitations.
Let me ask you something.
Was there a moment when this show started and you saw the first few episodes that you were in?
Was there a moment where you watched the final product and went, holy shit, I'm in something really big.
Well, as you know, that, you know, I was a different character the first season, right?
Yeah.
Well, then you were like, so I played in the coffee bakery customer, Gino.
And as I watched it, I was like, wow.
And because everybody was talking about it.
I was like, that was pretty cool.
And then they asked me to come back as Vito, which was really cool.
And now then you just, I think at that time you feel like you're in something really good and great.
And then as you get more and more, my role got bigger and bigger.
You know, then you figure like you're on the 27 Yankees or the 85 Bears.
You know, you're part of something special.
And you don't feel freaked out.
You're just like, you're like John Bonham in Led Zeppelin.
You're just like, this is what I do.
John Bonham.
I like that.
He's one of the greatest drummers in the greatest band.
Yeah.
Well, I've always wondered, like, after Led Zeppelin was done a song like Dire Maker or whatever, or Fool in the Rain, do they look at each other after they're done that song and go, holy shit, we're good.
That was amazing.
Or do they just go, next one?
You know, it's funny because didn't his son wind up playing drums in the band?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
His son's amazing, too.
Is it Jason?
Yeah, I heard he's really good.
So it's kind of like the same thing, a parallel thing.
You know, Tony and his son and Jimmy and his son and Tom Bonham and his son.
Yeah.
Well, there's this fear that young men have when their dad's famous.
They don't want to follow in his footsteps.
But just like being typecast, I don't see a problem with it.
You're a great drummer, being your dad's awesome band.
It's like you're in the family business.
Let me ask you something.
Do you think that you could ever be a mobster in real life?
Well, you know, I'm from Brooklyn and I grew up around those guys.
And, you know, I did some, you know, I'm not going to say terrible things, but things like, you know, you do, you come across some shit and you can make some money and you move some stuff and, you know, you do those things.
You know, it happens.
I like that part of it.
I like the crime.
That sounds cool.
It's the walking on eggshells, knowing you could get whacked at any moment that I don't think I could handle.
Yeah, That's the fucking, that'll keep you up at night.
I mean, you got to come out of your house looking over both shoulders.
Yeah, that's the bad part.
I mean, that's when you're running with a rough crew.
Well, what was his name?
Dominic.
Gamiello got whacked for making a gay joke.
That's 50% of my jokes.
Yeah, the guys had my back on that.
Yeah, they did.
They did.
Oh, I understand you're helping out with food delivery during this pandemic.
Yeah, I started a GoFundMe.
I was going to start it at $2,500.
Now I'm at $25,000.
I raised $18,000.
I just did two today.
I brought food to a nursing home, senior citizen rehabilitation.
All the nurses weren't getting overlooked because of the hospitals.
But I usually do about five or six hospitals a week.
I did police department today.
I did fire departments in my neighborhood, post offices.
So I help support the restaurants in my neighborhood.
I buy food from them, from the donations, and I take it to hospitals or post office.
I do breakfast for the post office, lunches for the department and police and hospitals.
So it keeps me busy.
I feel like I'm making a difference and trying to help and doing something.
And how do we get a hold of, how do we donate to that?
It's on my Twitter at Joe Ganiscoli or Joe R. Ganiscoli, and you'll see the link for the GoFundMe.
That's fantastic.
What do you got in the can for movie stuff?
I see you got Fight Valley coming out soon.
Your IMDb is nuts.
You're a hardworking man.
Yeah, some of those things are like, you know, in fucking talks, production.
They like to put it up there.
But, you know, I just did this Crabs in a Bucket with Jeremy Pribbin and Bruce Stern.
I don't know when that's coming out.
You know, there's a lot of things in talks, but everything was put on hold.
So, you know, I'm just waiting to hear.
But as long as I can, I was getting a lot of, doing a lot of, I was a chef before an actor.
I don't even know that.
So I was doing a lot of private cooking for groups of 20, 30, 40 people that were Soprano fans, husbands, brothers, fathers.
And I'd come over and I'd cook for about, you know, 20, 30, 40 people.
And in their house, tell stories, answer questions, take pictures, sign autographs.
And that was going really well.
I did about 30 of them.
And I had a lot of booked.
And then, of course, it all stopped.
All right, man.
Well, it was great talking to you.
Thanks for coming on the show.
We'd love to have you back sometime.
You remind me of somebody.
I can't think of who.
Donald Sutherland with AIDS.
Close.
Kiefer Sutherland.
With leprosy.
No, I said with leprosy.
There we go.
We nailed it.
All right, man.
Thanks for coming on.
All right, pal.
Be well.
Cheers.
Sent to the demon flower I haven't done a celebrity interview in years.
I forgot how sycophantic you have to be.
It's not pleasant.
I like political stuff where you can have a back and forth.
I'd rather be confrontational with a liberal on a Discord than kiss a celebrity's ass.
Not that I was kissing his ass, but.
Good guy.
Not a typical interview on the show, isn't it?
And we said we would get him and we got him.
It was a little uncomfortable with the Tony Soprano thing.
That's because you're a pussy.
No, no, not for me, for him.
It was uncomfortable for you.
That's why you bailed on it so soon.
You should have done it for longer.
Like laid into it?
Even if he started crying, that would be good TV.
And the newspapers were saying that he exaggerates his friendship with James Gandolfini.
And I'm not saying that's true or not.
I'm just saying that it makes the interview more interesting if Ryan were to push it a little more because there's context there.
But we thank Joe very much for coming on the show.
And I did not know that, that he had, it was his idea to make himself gay.
Yeah.
And it worked because that's probably my favorite Soprano's moment is that it's a joke.
It's a huge arc.
Yeah, it's an unforgettable arc.
Because you can sort of see yourself, if you were in a situation that was that fucked, what are you going to say?
I'm doing undercover?
No, I'm in the mob.
Yeah.
It's a joke.
I lost a bet.
I have a weird sense of humor.
All right.
I think we're coming to the end of this episode, and that means that we're ready for the...
We're encouraging people to go to that, to donate to that, but I'm not sure we should.
Because he said he's at 25 grand.
He's not going to drive much more than a 20-mile radius, right?
How many people need food in that radius?
Like, if you gave him 300 grand, he'd just be driving and buying.
He doesn't want to do it that much.
So I'm not sure we should donate to that thing.
I think it's reached its peak.
He sounds like he's done with it.
Anyway, my two cents.
Some charities reach their peak.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a debt.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mail back.
Let me touch it.
You know what I've been thinking about recently?
Like, we don't have a tech guy.
And other places I've worked that are more established, you say, what's up with my email?
And then they solve it.
And I think that makes sense to have a tech guy, at least that you can call and come in.
Shouldn't have an HR at all, no matter how big your company is.
Apple shouldn't have an HR.
Although I was talking to an HR specialist and he goes, I hate them too.
And it's my business.
But if you don't have it, you get sued.
So it's like a lawyer.
You can hate all the lawyers, but when you get sued, you need a lawyer.
So maybe it's inevitable.
But anyway, the thing I've been thinking about this week is, fuck you for having an assistant.
That's so lame.
You can't buy your own plane ticket.
And every time Assistants, I work with people with assistants.
They buy the wrong plane ticket.
It's the wrong time.
It comes into the wrong fucking city.
They do San Jose, Costa Rica instead of San Jose, California.
Just, you can buy a plane ticket on Orbits.
It takes four minutes.
And all this keeping your appointments, you have an iCal and you sync it to your phone.
You can keep your dentist appointment.
Holy shit.
No, I thought I had an interview today that I forgot.
I do.
Shit.
Here I am talking about how you can keep your own meetings.
I feel like I'm a dope.
Oh, it's not until tomorrow.
Yeah.
See?
So you can keep all your meetings.
And I remember every time you go to LA, there's like, I used to have this agent at CAA when I was allowed to be in comedy.
And being good at it.
Greg Kavik was my agent.
And his assistant's email was Greg Kavik's assistant at whatever CAA.com.
And it was always a dude.
And I just thought, what a cuck thing to be, an assistant.
He's a fag.
You're a secretary.
He was talking about Joe when he said that, right?
Yeah.
Joe's character Vito.
Yeah.
Or like he was at a leather bar.
And she's like, why is that relevant?
He's a fag.
So musical.
What is that?
Like an E flat?
And then it goes down to an E?
You use that for tuning a guitar.
Fag.
He's a fat, fag, ding, ding, ding, dino, fag.
That's one and a half steps.
One and a half steps.
You mean presidential terms?
Yeah.
As I reach the last half of my step, yeah, so having an assistant is just fucking lame.
All right.
This guy just calls himself 2A.
Female journalist calls for more state surveillance.
Yeah, isn't that the way?
My neighborhood in Westchester has gotten more fastidious about this shit.
And now you get evil looks if you don't have a mask on.
I'm like, how are we getting more paranoid about this?
Like, I see people in their fucking cars.
What are you doing?
And then on these chats, these local chat apps, they're like, what the fuck?
Not what the fuck, they don't swear, but what the hell is going on?
What don't people understand?
Someone jogged by me the other day and they didn't have a mask on.
I was sitting on my front porch with my mask on.
What?
Why are you sitting on your front porch with your mask on?
Anyway, let's see what this is.
You got it?
Which email is it?
Mailbag, Joe Mel, female journalist, calls for more state surveillance.
Uh-huh.
1.33 p.m.
Why don't we have the same What's with our internet?
That sucks.
We need Big Brother to beat this.
Wow, they're not very subtle anymore, are they?
Claire Fogs.
I love looking up journalists and seeing what else they do.
What else is this dumb bitch up to?
Oh, the BBC says she's British.
We need Big Brother to beat this virus.
That's literally Orwellian.
That reminds me of Thomas Friedman had this article where he said, if we could only just be China for a year, what?
Under Obama's rule, and Obama could get all this stuff done, and then we could go back to freedom.
And that would work too, Thomas.
They'd happily go back.
The government would relinquish power after experiencing that kind of superpower for a year.
Hi, Gavin.
The chick in question is Alex Zedra.
Oh my God, they're still telling me about that chick I was trying to work out.
She's from the Trump rally?
Oh, the Trump rally?
No, she's from the Trump rally that many moons ago.
Dude, we cracked this egg 9 billion years ago.
I'm going to write him back right now.
Wait, wait, wait.
I got to fucking.
Hey, shit for brains.
Hey, shit for brains.
We figured this out weeks ago.
There we go.
She may be the chick you couldn't remember in Hot Chick's episode, blah, blah, blah, given that she appears in some low-budget films.
Steven, your confidence is fucked.
This is millennial confidence all over again.
So now, not only is he weeks off with that, but he's like, shuts the same woman that was in Machete.
Do you know what the odds of that are?
Probably one in a million.
The chick in the background of the Trump rally is also the chick you were thinking of in that movie.
That was too much of indecence.
I find your taste in women often questionable, so don't screw this up.
If you think this chick is a 10, then it is proof positive that the actual name of this network is the Fag Zone.
Stay well and crush the SPLC into dust.
So Alexedra, if you don't think this chick is a 10, let's see her again.
Alexedra.
You just had her up.
A 10.
Yeah, that's a 10.
What does she lose a point for?
Although, were those faked hits?
Starting today, you lose a point if you have faked hits.
One point each.
No, it's half a point per tick.
Okay.
Oh, she's got an identical twin, apparently.
Anthony H. is an excellent clip of how women see themselves and why Gavin is right about women.
Patrice O'Neill's great question to women.
And it starts at one minute in.
You know what I was thinking?
You know the guy we had yesterday who says, just going to send it.
Guys, stop body scaping and buying expensive shoes.
Women want that guy.
He's kind of got a dad bod.
He's got a mullet and sunglasses, and he's a skadoo daredevil.
That's who they want.
They want to feel safe.
So just be a fucking maniac and stop worrying about how you look and covering your zit with one hand and playing with your fucking sideburns like a pussy.
Let me ask you a question.
Here's a question.
Here's a good serious question.
Okay, ladies, if you didn't have a vagina, like say it was a terrible train accident, right?
And the doctor was like, we have to remove your pussy right away or you're going to die.
How would you keep your man past, you get a two-month guilty, I can't leave the bitch right away because you just lost a pussy in a train accident?
Can't just walk right out on him.
How would you keep your man past that if he didn't have a vagina?
He blow him.
He blow him.
Wow.
Nothing.
He can talk.
He can talk.
Blow him.
I blow him.
Suck his dick.
Okay.
Mouth.
He heard you.
From the grain.
You see what I'm saying?
Now, I've been getting pussy peanuten the whole show, right?
But I give women the opportunity to say, I'm going to make myself worth more.
But you just classified yourself as a series of holes, but, you know, I'm.
Oh, he's really good.
God, he was great.
Yeah.
What was listening to him today?
What did he die of?
Diabetes.
He was in a coma.
He was pretty fat, but not like negligent fat.
No, even though he was not.
Especially not in today's day.
It's funny how that was only, what, like 10 years ago?
And he was considered fat.
Now he's a skinny ninny.
It's felt.
Yeah, if your gut isn't hanging over 100% of your fly, you're anorexic in today's America.
And then you lie to me.
You could stand to gain a few.
What are you doing?
You're not following the plan.
If she follows the plan, she's set to meet her targets.
That wasn't very good.
That wasn't.
No, that was good.
Hi, Gavin and Ryan.
The Discord the other day was insane.
I've done two Discords.
One was the Gavi Discord, which was obviously normal.
And then I did a very left-wing thing called Polly, Paul, Poll.
And it was all 20-year-olds in college who love the Soviet Union and don't think we should eat animals because they're the same as us.
And there's infinite genders.
I mean, that's tedious, is it not?
I couldn't believe the amount of confrontational people who called in.
Anyway, it got me thinking, if you and Ryan had one night to fight everyone who called into the Discord and it was one-on-one, like the movie Digstown, I'm not familiar with that movie.
How do you think it would play out?
Do you think you and Ryan would run through everyone like a freight train?
Would you even need Ryan?
Would Ryan be a one-and-done getting KO'd by his first opponent and then you need to carry the weight?
How would you strategize?
You fight everyone and only bring in Ryan when you're tired?
Split it up 50-50?
Only problem I see you running into is that there are a lot of people that called in during the two hours, so it could just be a numbers thing that burns you out.
Yeah, that's what I think.
I mean, when I spar four rounds and I'm dead.
Now, the rounds are two and a half minutes, 30 seconds apart.
And when I'm fighting friends who they're still punching you in the face, but they're not trying to kill you.
And then I have aides by the fourth round.
So I think after, but these are professionals, not professional boxers, but these are very experienced boxers.
I know I could beat up every single person who called and would love to, especially that Antifa general at the end, three-star soldier.
And I'm aware that there was a tongue-in-cheekness to that three-star soldier, but the fact that the word soldier even exists in your vocabulary is fucking hilarious.
Okay?
It's like someone in 650-pound life calling themselves a three-star soldier.
What do you think, Ryan?
I think we could beat up 12 each, and around 13, we start to get tired.
And then around 15, oh, it just takes one lucky punch.
You would have to run through a motherfucker face.
But not just one time.
Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and Over and over and over.
This whole brand is ruined.
My little kid wears a shirt that says Beast Mode.
Everybody?
Everybody?
It would take a long time, though.
You know, I came across another one in the Twilight Zone.
The guy's like, you'll be half another 40 in 45 years.
Yeah, people were making them in.
No, I could probably find them.
There's a ton.
Here, let me put 40, 45.
We just got some footage from the fight.
I thought this was in a ring.
Oh.
Wait, if I do 45, it doesn't come up.
45, we're not going to mention his name and shit, the motherfucking name, but motherfuckers.
He gets another two-step.
Okay, let's do one more.
And we should look up those 40-45s because people have sent me a bunch.
There's an episode of Seinfeld where it comes up, too.
Jerry, there's 40, 45 outside.
This is from a chick named Arbella.
Good morning, Dodes.
That comedy analysis was a bit misleading, especially the part where you compared it to Louis C.K.'s comedy.
I bought his latest stand-up special on your recommendation, and I'm not sure it's an age-sex difference, but it did nothing for me.
What?
Bitch, you crazy.
What?
What?
No, it's not an age-sex difference.
Funny is funny.
You left out a perfectly fuckable pig.
You didn't like that part?
A fucking woman, boss?
Not only did it do nothing for me, the part where he talked about kid fucking for what felt like five minutes straight disgusted me.
I didn't find him acting out humping a child from behind to be funny at all.
I thought it was more of a whole cheap shock humor type thing you discussed those ladies doing.
Touche.
You ugly.
I can remember comedians doing cheap shocks sex humor since I was a kid.
I think it was Dane Cook who had some great family-friendly stand-up routine.
Then when he made it big, he just went for the cheap sex jokes.
I was about 12 years old when that happened.
might not have been Cook, but you get the point.
And even then, I remember thinking, that's really immature.
It seems like every comic who makes it big just falls back on sex jokes for an easy laugh.
I don't know about that.
And Louis C.K.'s never really changed his comedy.
Although you do have a point with this child sex thing, because I don't mind if you're going to do disgusting pedophile jokes as long as there's disgusting racist jokes, disgusting homophobic jokes, disgusting sexist jokes, and you spread it around.
But everyone's too scared of those other categories.
So they just do the, for some reason you're allowed to do kids.
So it really sticks out like a sore thumb, as I've mentioned many times on the show.
SNL is particularly bad at this.
I admit the girls who do this are annoying and graphic and gross, but I wasn't nearly as disturbed watching that chick say, you were almost a period, as I was watching CK act out molesting a kid on stage.
Then again, I'm a 23-year-old female who watched CK Sober, and you're a 50-year-old male who watched that wasted.
I don't like the butt chick.
This woman's really giving it to me.
I'm not saying these girls are great comedians.
I'm just trying to say I've noticed shock humor for a long time among most comedians and have always thought it was cheap.
The last comedian to get a good laugh out of me was Nate Bargatzi.
Your heels are cheap and your sunglasses are knockoffs, so please take them off beforehand.
Let me poke you with my heels off.
By the way, you know one thing we always joke about, and that's enough letters, but that was a very good letter.
Thank you, lady.
I am done.
Yes, we're laughing at Lady Saw and everything, but let's not forget she's one of the greatest dance hall singers in all time.
Check out this song she did, Turn Me Back to You.
She's talking about, well, she's a woman, right?
So she's talking about how other women diss her and talk about her, and she doesn't have time for that.
Oh, Lady Saw, okay.
Yeah.
Who do you think I was saying?
You said Lady Hall.
No, I don't think I did.
Lady Saw.
Chat to me back.
Chat to me back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dance Hall is Jamaican hardcore.
Is this an intro to the video?
Yeah.
They're talking shit to her.
I can't go.
I can't say.
Me man love me bad.
And he na go no way.
When them I watch.
Gonna get good soon.
Just at least see how talented she is.
If you want home, I'm a sure-toe-me-back.
I say, chat to me back, chat to me back.
How many views does this have?
They forgot to key out the background.
Six million?
Yeah.
Here, listen to it.
Here, listen to it.
Any deer you feel, you can rush this.
You and your friend them, come up and touch this.
If you bite my throat, I'm rushed.
Make me intrigued, you to me, call this.
You and your friend, them a poet in faith.
Money crap up, I'm fearful at night.
Two pop and pop like G-Me.
Chat to me, my mom and I know I'm your man.
Chatumi makui ma.
All right, we're done.
I'd like to thank Joe for coming on the show, but we always end all shows with a viral video.
Got some racial shit here.
A lot of racist shit.
A lot of racial shit.
So this kid was arrested.
Now, this is a horrible video where he talks about shooting black people.
But I guarantee you there's a million videos of black people doing this.
And you should be arrested for this?
What's the charge?
Yeah, being a jerk.
Being an incredibly offensive, stupid teenager?
Right.
Howdy.
I'm Parker Mush.
And I hate black people.
They're the worst.
They're stinky.
And they just suck.
They're just bad people.
You notice over there is a box of Jordans.
The favorite pair of shoes for a black man.
I'm going to show you what I think of a black man.
Fuck all niggers.
Like, that's retarded.
Right.
What's the charge?
I don't know.
See, this makes me worried.
And again, is this the new rule now?
You get arrested if you say a racial epithet and then shoot a gun because you're about to fill the jails with black dudes.
Wait, that doesn't represent black people.
That's a falsehood.
Before shooting the shoebox, which he said represented black people, he said this is the favorite shoe of black people.
Yeah, and that's...
Do you see the charge?
Justice Department.
Here we go.
He faces charges of perjury and obstruction of justice.
Perjury?
Oh, no, that's the Columbian attorney.
Charged with making student threats.
Oh, like Columbine.
Right.
That's clearly not what he was going for.
Well, according to the state, officers investigating the footage also found more footage in text in which he threatens to shoot up to school.
I'm sure that's a joke, too.
Well, that's different.
Unless he was.
Yeah.
See, we're not getting direct story here.
All right, here's another example.
This couple made a really bizarre racist video, and they're expelled from school.
Again, I'm not defending these videos, obviously, but getting arrested and getting expelled for doing this, it's a double standard.
Black people make videos like this all the time.
They don't get arrested.
This is so weird.
I don't even.
Hey.
Today we're making first we have black.
Yeah, pretty black.
Yeah.
Wait a minute, just pause.
Shouldn't you be in a kitchen and have it written on flour or something and put it in a bowl?
Like, I don't understand why you pour things in a sink.
Don't have a dad.
Don't have a dad?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Eat watermelon and fried chicken.
Fried chicken.
Watermelon?
Yeah.
I don't understand.
Who makes things in a sink?
What do you, what's this a metaphor?
The metaphor doesn't make sense.
Next one's make good choices I think this is like a trend thing.
This is like a form of video oh it's like a template like sluts yeah like a this is a shiny version of a regular sink.
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