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March 30, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:25:26
S02E143 - ROCK-N-ROLL MASHUPS [2020-03-30 - S02E143 - ROCK-N-ROLL MASHUPS]
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Time Text
okay let's start the show Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.
I got something that makes this one shout, I got something that's what it's all about, Give me that backdrop.
Wait, don't stop the jams.
Come on, retard.
No, not that.
Well, I guess that.
I'm love And I'm Superman I'm Superman All right, that's enough.
Or you could turn it down a bit.
Rock and roll is proof that blacks and whites are meant to get along.
It's the poor.
It's like Pittsburgh, that caller we had last week who said you should come to Pittsburgh.
There's no racial tension because we're all blue-collar.
The beats, the beats of rock and roll come from the freed slaves, Africans, bongo beats.
And the guitar is the Irish, the freed slaves, the poor white trash who were also liberated at the beginning of America.
And they combine the black, poor black beats with the angry Irish guitars, and they made this.
And the proof is these mashup videos that Bill McClintock makes.
This is James Brown and who?
Motorhead.
Motorhead.
They were on speed.
We got a lot of Tiger King stuff today.
I'm not talking about the Chinese flu.
You've already heard everything.
If I have some brand new news, I'll give it to you.
But I'm sick of watching the news.
And it's someone asking a doctor, does it survive in the cold?
And the doctor goes, we don't know.
We don't know yet.
Could be bad.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Well, this is Rat and Marvin Gaye.
This is a really good one.
I'm just about to lose my mind.
I know a man ain't supposed to cry.
But these years...
I should play this to my dad when he's drunk.
This is when he would go, pull up his blazer and go, her to true the grapevine.
That's when I realized all men are secretly gay.
Not like dick-sucking gay, but effeminate.
Round and Round.
Round and Round.
Oh, do Black Sabbath versus the Temptations.
That's another good one.
Black Sabbaths were very funky.
Oh, it's not numbered there.
It's before 1-1.
When you hear fairies wear boots, it's a very funky jam.
What a weirdo.
What a weirdo.
They're definitely better dancers than Ozzy Osbourne.
*music*
Hey, take your shirt off, Oz.
I never met a girl who makes me feel the way that you do.
You're alright.
Whenever I'm asking who makes my thing feel, I say that you do.
You're out of sight.
So be.
All right, that's enough.
Been listening to a lot of jams, and I actually caught myself this weekend liking Steely Dan.
And it was after my wife introduced me to a Twitter page called People Dancing to Steely Dan.
I'm getting, I have to show you something in a second, but I feel like there's lumps inside my mouth right now.
And it might be because we went into the city on the weekend to get some more equipment.
And when I got to the studio door, I don't know how Larry got in the building, Gary got in the building without keys.
There was some notes and some food left for Ryan and I from our vagrant friend.
And I have it here.
I'm about to show you, but even going near it makes my lips hurt.
Like I feel, you know, when you see a documentary about bed bugs and you start scratching, I'm feeling contaminated.
But anyway, let's check out this People Dancing a Steely Dam.
You can never play this on YouTube, of course.
I'll be around.
I'm a fool to do your dirty work.
Oh, yeah.
I don't want to do your dirty work.
It's becoming a very pro-black episode.
I'm a fool to do your dirty work.
Oh, I'll be right back.
What's another one?
That's all this account is, by the way.
You have to blow that up.
can't see shit.
You can't grab the keys and throw the head and get your stomach.
Well, you wouldn't even know the time if you loved it.
That's what it feels like to be on Crystal Mesh.
It feels like Steely Dan.
Steely Dan.
All right.
Okay, should we show the Gary stuff?
Because I haven't even, first of all, you have gloves?
Yeah, I have this.
I have my handless.
I have a green glove that turns my hand into a stub.
First of all, there's two envelopes.
One envelope has nothing on it at all.
And then the other has nothing in it.
Neither of them have anything in them.
But it says, Ryan Gavin, I left some food here for you.
Carry.
That's very nice.
The food is as follows.
A can of tuna.
I have to throw these clothes out now, don't I?
Yeah.
Some barley pear haves.
I wish it was barley pear have nots.
Because I don't want to have those.
Stokely's shortcut green beans.
No preservatives.
Thank God.
That's Very sweet.
Vine ripe low sodium diced tomatoes.
This packaging, it looks like it's from the 50s.
You know what I thought?
It's like it's sad because this might have come from some community drop thing, like donating cans.
And then it comes back to people that wait can afford just give it to your friends.
I'm recognizing some of this stuff from donating it to home.
Okay, this is where it gets intense.
Okay.
Oh, Jesus.
It does smell bad here, right?
Yeah.
Beef ravioli and tomato and meat sauce.
Again, very old-fashioned looking can.
Whoops.
Sucked on you.
One hand.
Is that on my Ottoman thing?
Oh, dude, don't put that...
Is that on the little...
Please don't puke.
Please?
These are some sausages that appear to be going bad.
They have going green on them.
There's two bags of that.
If that's not bad.
They are dark green in many spots.
I'm literally seeing stars right now from gagging.
I'm seeing sparkles all over the room.
And then another can of tuna.
No, that's because I decorate with sparkles.
Don't, please.
You've got to put that in the garbage right now.
Oh, I do not want to touch it, but I will, if you're going to stop puking.
Maybe you could touch it with this bag.
But I don't know which part of that was the bag.
No, no.
That's the bag I was using as a glove, so put your hand in that.
Let's move.
And get good at it, if you will.
Fuck, now I got to throw this glove out.
I love these little green gloves.
Ugh.
All right, speaking of meth, we're all addicted to the Tiger King, obviously.
I watched the whole thing.
I watched it last week, early last week, so it's fun seeing these new people watch it.
I always give the same advice, and that is do not watch it after, say, 5 p.m.
It's going to affect your dreams.
My wife didn't listen to me, and she was watching it till late at night, and she had weird, twisted, perverted nightmares that made her disgusted with herself.
She couldn't remember exactly what happened, but she knows that the things that happened in her dream were disgusting.
Yeah, I told you.
So we're going to get Urban Tarzan on the show in a second to find out, is that atypical?
Are these people who handle animals all meth heads?
Are you a meth head, Urban Tarzan?
Is this your world or is it separate from them?
He's really busy these days.
His career is back on.
Not that it was off, but it's the hot thing now to be a big cat handler or any kind of exotic handler.
What's this now?
Drunk chimp with the gun.
I've got him, bro.
I got him.
Take it easy, buddy.
Take it easy.
Take it easy.
What is he drinking?
He's cough syrup.
He had a cough.
He had a cough.
Chimps and cough syrup?
Not a good combo.
I never thought I'd have to say that.
He has it everywhere.
How many of these did he drink?
He's in a fiction.
This is a fictionality syrup.
And he won't deny it when you talk to him.
Forget it.
We can't drink him now.
If he's full of cough medicine, the combination of that with the drink, it could be lethal for the chimp.
For the chimp.
Now what are we going to do?
Calm down, buddy.
The chimp will bite your nuts off.
Did you know that?
It's the first thing they go for is your crotch.
And then you know what they bite off.
They bite off your heels.
Wow.
Yeah.
That thing is a beak.
How is our collection of tiger memes going?
I just sent you one a second ago.
Joe Biggs dressed up as him.
Oh, yeah.
It's in our shared.
No, I just emailed it to you while we were waiting.
While we were setting up.
Oh, it's a video here.
Yeah.
That looks pretty funny.
This is Joe Biggs taking on the identity of Tiger King.
There's only three things that can get you through a pandemic, and that's Toothless Man, Crystal Math, and my tiger, Panda.
This tiger right here is my wife.
I mean, my life.
I wouldn't marry a tiger.
Tigers don't do meth.
Or do they?
Let's check the meme collection.
It should be in the shared.
Oh, maybe there's some I didn't get you.
Because I couldn't share those kind of pictures.
Ah, flip.
What's the matter?
No, what you just said.
Oh, yeah.
No, there's a couple here I gotta.
There's some I gotta send you right now.
Boop, boop, boop.
Sorry about this, folks.
I watched Star Wars last night alone.
Which one?
The new one.
The very latest one?
Well, yeah, the one that's on demand.
Ah.
They're all the same movie to me, the new ones.
Well, yeah, me too.
We got this.
It's all woke bullshit, and no one cared.
Like, I couldn't get anyone in my family to watch it with me.
We got memes.
Okay, hold on.
And I just, there was a show in the 70s called Logan's Run that I watched as a little kid.
And this is what it was like.
It was just a box set of Logan's Run.
You're watching it, and there's no sort of beginning, middle, and end.
It's just sort of like a big show.
Like you're watching a box set.
I think we already showed this one.
Day 14 of No Sports Watching a Gay Zoom Manager Sudo Straight Man with Tech.
By the way, that joke he does in the movie where he says, when you watch porn, do you want to watch a girl with a big dick get fucked with a big dick or get fucked with a small dick?
Oh, I want the big dick.
Ah, so maybe you're not so straight after all.
That's from Blue Collar Comedy.
You know the guy?
I think his name's Ron Whitehouse.
I said, well, he ain't that straight.
He always has a brandy, a bourbon in his hand with ice and his cigar.
Ron White.
Ron White, yeah.
Ron White.
He's a good comedian.
Yeah, he's great.
They call me Tater Tots or whatever.
Oh, my God.
Those sausages are still burning my eyes.
At least I get to go home and not smell that.
Oh, wait.
Oh, wait.
The studio is in my house.
Oh, wait, a Tink pass a stimulus spell that only helps.
We already showed this one too.
Nothing stupid, expensive, dangerous, or extra.
The bill country's going crazy.
I think we showed that one.
Come on, Ryguy.
No, this one's showing this one.
Okay.
Release the documentary.
This is a new one.
Me looking at my Amazon and pizza delivery bill during quarantine.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's Ted Cruz, me running out of things to keep me entertained during quarantine Netflix.
Next.
That's just Shaq.
Yeah.
He bought two tigers from him.
Oh, is that what the two means?
No, it's not.
No, no, no.
In the documentary, he's like, I got two tigers over the weekend.
Thank you to Joe.
Oh, I don't even remember that.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I sent this to Steven Crowder.
He didn't respond.
You know why, I think?
I think he might be mad at me.
He had something like a billion hits on YouTube.
Like he just crossed a billion.
And people were sending him messages.
And I said, hey, congratulations on a billion views on YouTube.
How about congratulations on a billion sperm wasted on your fucking duvet?
Why don't you make a baby?
We're so sick of hearing about these stupid fucking dogs.
Oh, no.
You're a conservative.
Be traditional.
So how did that go?
We haven't spoken since.
I asked his dad.
His dad seemed to think it was pretty funny.
Never going to financially recover from this.
I am never going to.
Okay.
As good as the drops will get.
What context are you going to use that drop in?
There's got to be a way.
I mean, that'll be one of the rare ones.
All right, let's see a meme.
So we got that Meat Crowder meme.
What else?
Too close social distance.
Well, that's the one I just sent you.
He's got all new teeth, by the way.
I saw him on David Spade's podcast from the bunker or something.
Very original idea.
And he's got all fresh teeth now.
He said it's the most painful thing he's ever endured.
After all 50 of his tattoos.
So those are all the ones that I have received?
I'll check the email now.
Oh, God, those sausages are haunting me like little dead dicks.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Why would you drop off those sausages in little bags?
I don't know.
What was he thinking?
There's a pasta.
Oh, awesome.
Let's have some tuna, beans, and rotten sausage.
They couldn't have been there.
Maybe they were there for a really long time, actually.
This isn't really a meme.
Cardi B vows to start GoFundMe for incarcerated Tiger Kingston.
She's so dumb.
Some of the people we have in entertainment, like, especially if they're non-white, we have the bigotry of low expectations and we just have pedophiles like Michael Jackson and what's his name?
The guy who pisses on 14-year-olds trapped in the closet.
R. Kelly.
Or Mary J. Blige.
Mary J. Blige struggled with literacy.
No, she can't read.
She cannot read.
That's embarrassing.
Floyd Mayweather cannot read.
Can you imagine that?
That's embarrassing for a seven-year-old.
Another one?
Oh, this is awesome.
It suits him, doesn't it?
Yeah, it almost doesn't even strike me as a Photoshop.
Well, the only place it blows it is the mustache right there.
The chin for me does it.
That's what I noticed first.
I'm like, that is smoothing and clone stamping or whatever.
What else?
Is that it?
Oh, that's an awesome one.
Keep going.
That's it.
That's it.
Say two?
All right.
Should we see if we can get, are we done talking about that stuff?
Yeah.
I guess so.
Yeah, let's see if we can get Urban Tarzan on the line.
I got soul and I'm Superboy.
You're welcome.
Urban Tarzan, are you there?
I am here, Gavin.
How's it going, brother?
Good.
How are you?
I'm all right.
All right.
Hanging in there, you know, ain't coughing yet, so I'm all right.
Well, like everyone in this country, we're totally obsessed with Tiger King, and we thought we'd talk to an expert about these.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
Yeah, I had to sit and watch it from beginning to end because of all this hype about it and everything that's going on.
Don't you know those dudes?
Well, I know who they are.
I would never, ever say any of them were my friends because they're not.
And the one thing, I mean, I think it was a great documentary and it's great for, you know, because it was actually shot real, unlike my reality show that I had.
But the problem with that whole show is like they give a bad stain on people that are really real with animals.
Like I use, I work with animals for a living.
And it's like, and it's just, we're not like that.
I don't want that the people, you know, because that just makes everybody thinks now that, holy shit, all these methad, crazy motherfuckers that have animals, you know, this is what they are like.
And the people I work with and the people I've worked with my whole life, even when I did my TV show on Spike TV, was there was nothing like that.
I mean, all professionals and like, and animals are just the most amazing animals in the world.
And they all had great animals, but that place was just, I mean, it's just, it's a fucking shit show.
I mean, but.
Do you remember in New York City where you'd hear about drug dealers that would have giant cats in their basement just to scare people?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, and that was true.
I'm from the Bronx, so believe me, that was true.
Unbelievable.
The thing I didn't get about the movie, though, is you have these big cats, right?
And they're obviously going to, if you're going to breed them to sell them, you're going to have too many, too little, and eventually you're going to have to put them down.
Like, I didn't understand why that chick was any worse than him.
Or less.
No, all right.
Well, that's, well, that's the thing with that whole thing.
I mean, when I'm watching it, I wasn't sure of who I didn't like more as I'm watching it.
You know, I'm like, man.
And that's the thing.
And what happens is with places like that, like all of those, everything that was depicted in that show was like, it's a thing.
And the people like that, like, they get like, they have to be the only ones that are allowed to have a big cat or the only ones that, and like, to be honest, like, none of them should.
Yeah, I mean, big tech people all seem like lunatics.
They are.
They are.
I mean, people say I'm crazy and all this stuff because I work with animals, blah, blah, blah.
I got bit by cobras and all kinds of stuff like that.
But I do it professionally.
It's my job, and like, and we care for our animals that we work with.
And that place was just, it's just insane.
It's like, and they all, they hate each other.
I mean, and even the whole animosity between each other.
I'm like, he should have just shut up.
I mean, right after he ran for governor, that guy should have just shut up, man.
Yeah.
Hey, if a big cat is coming to attack me, how do I avoid having my hand bitten off?
How do I avoid this type of a scenario?
Don't put yourself in that situation.
But I'm in.
I'm standing there.
A cat's coming at me.
What do you do?
Well, you can't run.
The best thing to do, I mean, I've been in a situation like that with a big load, an adult female lioness.
I had an adult male lion charge me.
But I had a female lioness.
They even used it in my Spike TV show where she actually came at me.
And it was real.
Even though it was a setup scenario, it was a bad day for that cat because she was in a different location and she was well treated.
But she came at me.
And, you know, there's certain things that you can do, but who's going to do that?
Like, would you, Gavin, would you take your thumb and stick it in the back of the cat's mouth here and push his skin into his incisors to stop him from taking a hand off?
You'd probably be screaming like a, you know.
I hate all that shit.
All of that stuff about you poke him in the eyes and you get him in the nuts.
You're delirious.
You're screaming your face off.
You're just trying to survive.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You got to fight for your life if something like that happens.
But the key is, you know, in the right situation, you know, and you have the right people around you, like that doesn't happen.
But like they hired people and like they purposely only paid them.
They hired derelicts on purpose, people that needed like a place to live or a drug habit to friggin support.
And it's like, and everybody loves to work with exotic animals because it's a cool thing.
It's a machismo thing or it's, you know, and even with women, it's a machismo thing.
Oh, I'm a big cat girl.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, right.
Till it takes your freaking head off.
Well, now that everyone is talking about people who can deal with big animals and exotic animals, is this affecting your career?
Are you getting phone calls?
Well, yeah.
I mean, that's always been the problem.
But the thing is, what's going on now is like I got a ton of phone calls, you know, like right now from like people that want to make a different documentary now, that want to do something, you know, to show the other side of us crazy animal people, because that's the one thing that we don't want in this field.
I mean, I work with some of the people that have been in the business for the longest time, and I respect them so much.
Every movie you've ever seen, they've done it, you know, and like, and I've worked with them, and that's why I chose them.
And I've seen those guys, like, when we were doing my show for Urban Tarzan, I was like, nope, hell no.
No, no, we ain't going there.
We ain't going.
And then I found this one place out in Fraser Mountain, California, working wildlife.
And this guy is like my mentor.
And like every, I mean, it's just an amazing place because of the relationship they have to have.
They don't use, nobody walks around with a gun.
I mean, because you don't need a gun.
You know, I mean, I mean, it's nice if you're getting killed and you need a gun, but it's just really absurd.
So you might do a documentary like Tiger King, but without the homosexuality or the crystal meth.
Yeah, no crystal mess.
Straight up crack.
All right, man.
Well, thanks for coming on the show.
We kind of suspected that Tiger King was not typical of the exotic animal community.
No, it's not.
I mean, but unfortunately, there is many Tiger Kings like that.
But there's also many guys like myself and the people that I work with that are amazing.
And we're going to show, we're going to battle back and show what the real shit is.
I worked with Steve Irwin.
He's another great animal guy, obviously.
Everybody knows that.
But he hired us when he came to New York.
Yeah.
I remember reading that about you.
Okay, dude, thanks for coming on the show.
All right, man.
Right on.
Keep it real, guys.
Stay safe.
Stay away from tigers, Gavin.
I will.
I got dogs!
Got dogs!
And I'm super bad.
You know what happened this weekend?
My daughter had, look up some 50s ad, 50s housewife ad.
I look over, I'm trying to help my daughter with her homework, which is easy, by the way.
The kids, these little packets they get, I'm looking at, there's so much busy work, especially with my seven-year-old.
He's in first grade.
It's like, here, rearrange this sentence and glue it together and count these, the number of blue blocks and all this crap.
He's done it in like, all three of my kids are done their work in about an hour and a half, two hours.
So why do we keep these kids locked in that stupid room from 9 to 3.30?
It's just a glorified daycare.
Anyway, it was a bunch of ads like this.
And it said, what does this ad say about women back then?
And then it said, do you think these women are happy?
If so, why?
And I go, honey, there's basically two ways you can go in school.
You can say what you're supposed to say, and then you can also say the truth.
What you're supposed to say with this assignment is these women are expected to be perfect at all times with makeup done and hair done and an evening gown with high-heeled shoes while they pour their husband's beer.
They're meant to be infallible and perfect, and it's a totally unreasonable expectation.
And for the second part, you're supposed to say, no, what's that one?
What's this?
That's from the 50s.
Scotch old-fashioned.
It's old.
What's that one?
Which one?
Thank you.
The wife's most likely to be kissed.
That's actually a good one to stop on.
So, this is, you're supposed to say she's unhappy.
She's a slave to the kitchen.
They had no choices.
Wink, wink, pro-choice, abort, abort.
And they had no rights.
Meanwhile, they could vote and do everything, and their lives were fucking great.
But you're supposed to say they were miserable because they had no freedom and they didn't have equality like we have today.
That's the answer that will get you an A, I said.
And then I said, but here's the truth.
The truth is, yeah, she's all dressed up.
She's in an ad.
You don't want to be sitting there with bare feet and dirty sweatpants in a commercial.
You want to look your best.
That's why we have models.
And by the way, airbrushing and stuff in commercials is fine because when you're in love, that's how you see the other person.
When you, you know, when you're on your wedding night, your wife is absolutely perfect.
You can't believe how wonderful she is.
You don't see her flaws.
Your brain airbrushes them out.
So magazines simulate that intense love in commercials.
And yeah, they did dress up nicer back then, but so did the men.
The men wore three-piece suits at all times.
In the home, the guy would have his tie on, done up like this.
He would also, a man would have a little coat hanger that stood on the ground and had a little tray on it, and he would lay out what he was wearing the next day with the proper cufflinks and the tie and the shoes would be there, all polished that he polished himself, preparing for tomorrow.
So everyone was welcome back then.
And here's a third thing, my dear.
And she's sort of holding her stomach at this point, lying down on the couch.
And I said, divorce back then was like 3 per thousand or something.
So it was, in other words, it was much, much less than 1%.
What is it today?
And then my son, who was doing his homework on the other end of the room, goes, it's 50%.
Good boy.
It's 50% now.
And that's worse off for the woman.
That's worse off for the kids.
So she's actually much worse off today than she was back then.
And I said, studies have shown this.
Studies have shown that feminism has made women less happy.
Now, there's a myriad of reasons.
They're not as loved as they are in a marriage.
Like, I hate that this is portrayed to my daughter as some sort of nightmare.
By the way, look how overdressed he is.
So I said, yeah, the divorce rate is high now.
It wasn't high back then.
We just got out of a major world war.
The economy was booming and everyone was just so happy that their brother wasn't dying anymore, that everyone was alive again and the world wasn't at war.
So of course they were all ecstatic.
Look, that looks wonderful to me.
Is that supposed to make me barf?
Is that a Gary sausage?
And then I look over and she's crying.
She has a tear going down her face.
And I'm thinking, okay, well, look, I'm telling you the two options.
I'm telling you what I believe is true and I'm right.
And I'm telling you what you could write to get an A. It's up to you which path you choose.
And then she's, I go, do it whatever way you want.
Don't you have to freak out.
It's just a stupid assignment.
And then she goes, no.
Oh, I remember putting that picture up when we were talking about more American families.
Anyway, yeah, blacks were better off then too.
Sorry.
They weren't dying to the tune of 20 a day in gang warfare.
And they weren't in prison.
They were committing crime the same amount as whites.
And their families were intact.
So the children had role models, any hissle.
I go, I'm sorry if I made you cry.
I was just trying to be factual.
And she goes, it's not that.
I tried coffee.
I thought it was weird.
I went to Walgreens to get some beer, and my wife gave me a list, and on one of the lists was instant coffee.
I was like, okay, we have Nespresso.
And my wife said, Sophie wants to try it.
So whatever.
So she had two.
She didn't know how much to add.
So she had two heaping tablespoons of instant coffee in a drink for her first coffee of her life.
So her gut was ripped to shreds, and she wasn't listening to any of this talk.
It's not that.
That is hilarious.
By the way, speaking of funny.
Well, we went squirrel hunting on the weekend from our kitchen.
I sent you those pictures in the shared folder.
Ryan and I, by the way, just today, after doing this for almost a year, figured out how to share things on our computers.
Right.
What's it called even?
Shared folders?
Oh, there's a lot in that shared folder.
That's not what I wanted you to go to, though.
See if you can find the squirrel trap.
Oh, oh.
There it is.
So that's fishing line.
Not fishing line.
It's a strong cordage.
Yeah, yeah.
That plastic string.
I think it's for weed whackers.
It is.
But anyway, I had a bunch of that.
And then cardboard box with some pistachios there.
And go to the next pick.
My son sat there for like an hour and a half.
And we were so close to getting that son of a bitch.
Would he just not go in there?
He went in, but his tail was still out.
And when we pulled it, he was gone.
Maybe you should have a weight on the box, because he can get out even if he's fully...
You can't see it in that picture.
But right here, there's a log.
Nice.
And I had to do that because it kept blowing away.
Right.
That's my family updates.
And what is this?
Oh, that's just from Star Wars last night.
Her eyes look exactly like assholes.
That's correct.
Her eyeball is a shit.
She also looks a little like Amy Sederis.
But go up to that other article that I took of the post.
I thought this was interesting.
It's so smoke show waitress.
And what do smoke show waitresses do in New York City?
They wait tables and they make a fucking fortune.
So she's making $1,500 a week, right?
And from one hotel, she made $2,000 a week as a cocktail waitress.
You know what that adds up to?
Let's say she takes two weeks off a year, 50 weeks.
That's $175,000.
Holy kaleidoscopes.
Now, it's tax-free, right?
It's cash.
So it's kind of the same as making $250,000.
Now, I know she's been doing it for about 10 years.
We know she didn't start out like that.
But still, quarter mil a year, you should have about a million dollars in the bank.
What does she have in the bank?
$100.
This is women in the workforce.
This is why that chick opening the fridge is so sad.
I mean, sorry, why that chick opening the fridge was so happy.
She's loved.
What happens when you liberate women?
What happens when they have the freedom to go out and go their own way?
They blow a quarter mil a year.
And then she had the audacity to say that she feels underappreciated or unloved.
What does it say?
Get through center planet.
Haven't got through once.
I call every day.
Yeah, we feel undervalued.
What does she say?
Me one ring.
I don't have time to get frustrated.
It's the end of the second right now.
We're being told and reminded how undervalued we are.
So a quarter of a million dollars a year is undervaluing this woman.
Her rent is $1,000 a month.
That should get us on a feminism kick.
What is this?
That's nothing.
I'll usually tell you to go to things.
Let's do 2-2.
I saw this fair.
I'm kind of obsessed with female comedians and how miserable they are.
Like Chelsea Handler is always posting things about how she can order Thai food whenever she wants.
Yeah, so can my wife.
No dads get mad when the wife wants to order food once in a while.
I know a guy whose wife has never made food in their house once.
Why are my lips swelling up after touching those sausages?
Wait, no, that's not what I was looking for.
Tutu?
Yeah.
Sarah Silverman?
Was she sent separately?
Well, I guess I fucked up with the links.
But it said, it said, God, I wish I could, I really miss being a kid.
Wouldn't it be cool if there was giants who would come around and like people that are 30 feet tall and huge and they would pick us up and rest us on their little arms?
And she said, it kind of hurts me that I'm never ever going to feel that experience of being picked up from the car and shh, don't wake her up.
And you know, when you're a little kid and you're being carried from the car to the house and you pretend you're asleep just to get carried all the way to bed?
And she goes, it kind of hurts that I'll never experience that again.
And it's so obvious that she's longing for children.
Sarah, you get that when you have kids.
You're not being picked up, but picking them up is just as sweet as being picked up.
You stupid bitch.
She doesn't recognize that.
And she's got a sister who's in Israel with tons of kids.
I think she's an Orthodox Jew.
And surely you play with your nieces and you realize that you fucked up.
I actually had an argument with her recently about it.
She contacted me.
I haven't spoken to her in five years.
And she's asked about, hey, are you still, is this still your email?
And we immediately got into a fight.
And I said, you should have had kids.
You fucked up.
Didn't end well.
No, not that one.
Jay Johnson dated her.
He said her pussy felt like it was the size of a dime.
He said, I'd be surprised if you could get a dime in there, which is great.
But no, it's a different sister.
That's Lara Silverman.
Here was an interesting article, too.
It was, my son is better off without a father.
Now, here's the thing that women can do.
They are perpetual optimists, and they always see the good in everyone.
And when they look at the kids' drawings, they say it's beautiful no matter what it is.
Men are much more cynical, and that's not that good.
You should have colored it in.
And we are critical.
You need that yin-yang.
But it's funny when you hear single moms talk, everything is positive, everything is great, including the fact that I don't have a father figure for my kid.
But listen to this.
She's talking about raising her kid.
Maybe scroll down.
There she is.
She's so pretty.
I think she just had a baby made.
I think like she had some guy jizz in her who was handsome and smart and didn't want to spend time with her.
And she thought, let's just do it.
I've heard women say shit like that.
I want to just get pregnant.
Maybe I'll just get inseminated.
And one of my wife's friends was going to do that.
And I go, tell her not to.
That's fucked up.
You're starting a kid out with a known disadvantage on purpose.
By the way, off the record, where do you draw the line with that, the ethics of that?
Like a midget.
Should a midget have a kid knowing it's going to be a midget?
Or a deaf person?
Should a deaf person breed?
Should ugly people breed?
Just kidding.
No, but like a midget, sure, right?
I mean, it is a huge disadvantage.
I actually don't know.
A deaf person, well, they can get a cochlear implant.
A blind person, assuming it's 100% hereditary, it's definitely going to happen.
Should a blind person breed?
I don't think you should.
I don't think you should start out a kid blind.
And the midget thing, I could go either way on.
What do you think?
You're a midget, Ryan.
Should your parents have bred?
I think midgets and deaf people are fine, but what about just a perfectly healthy Puerto Rican person?
Should they be allowed?
Well, New York said no in the 50s.
New York was paying Puerto Ricans, I think it was 15 grand to have their tubes tied.
Jeez.
But listen to January Jones.
She's talking about raising a little kid without a father.
He spat out his blueberries, threw the eggs into the sink, was playing with his toast, and I just lost my shit.
And I took the plate and threw it in the garbage in tears.
Someone needs to be the mature one here, but I had a full tantrum.
In those moments, January sometimes wishes she has help.
I want a manly man in flannel with a beard and an axe, but then there's always something wrong, like he's a Republican.
So, in other words, she has chosen her political dogma over happiness.
These people would rather be miserable Than fucking have a life.
They'd rather die than be seen as racist, just like the coronavirus when all these New York politicians said, go to Chinatown, have fun.
But we're not talking about Corona.
Also in the news, Justice for Liberty.
So that site was hacked by Antifa about three months ago.
I won't get into exactly how.
I don't want to give them the credit.
So if you donated, say, three weeks ago, your donation got sort of stuck behind a dam because when we saw the Antifa hack, we stopped them all.
So they all piled up.
If you donated like three days ago, since we've fixed it, it's going to go through no problem.
If you've noticed it hasn't gone through from your bank, then redonate.
I have a list of people.
I'm going to be calling them all individually and telling them that because I still have their names and numbers.
But yeah, major problem there, now fixed.
The last thing I want to talk about with feminism is, and isn't it interesting, by the way, that they hacked a site, Antifa hacked a site that was for a little black baby trying to get him some Christmas presents, her some Christmas presents?
Doesn't that really show you how fucking unethical they are?
But here's the last little bit on my feminism list.
Guess what?
Don't look this up yet, Ryan.
What do you think the average weight is for a 20-year-old woman in America?
123 pounds.
170.
Yeah.
And she's like 5'6 or something?
That's a bit.
That's fat.
Yeah, that's pretty kind of fat.
Click on that.
It's 2'4.
I was stunned when I saw these.
I wonder if they would break it down by race.
2-4.
Yeah, go down.
Look at this shit.
Wait, no.
Yeah, go up, go, go up, go up.
There, there.
20 to 39, 167, 168 pounds, 40 to 50, 170.
60 and older, they go back down again.
But that's different because these 60 and older were from a different time.
When these ones get to be this, this is going to go up.
Right.
I think maybe we need to dial back the body positivity.
Shall we?
We're getting a little too generous.
All right, let's just look at random stupid shit.
I follow John Joseph on Instagram with my secret account.
And fuck, he's good.
Check out 1-2.
This is a Motocross wipeout.
Oh, it's a private account?
Yeah.
All right, let me follow and see how quick that can be resolved.
All right.
Okay, let's do this then.
Go to 1-4.
I saw this on Twitter.
The DNC has a new ad out about how horrible we are.
And it's stop, stop.
So make it full screen.
So it starts with this guy.
That's a Princeton professor named Eddie Gowd.
He is the head of African American Studies at Princeton.
Do you know how much bullshit is in Africa?
Go on 1.5.
This is African American Studies.
Lots of dance.
Dance comes up quite a bit in these curriculums.
African American studies and the philosophy of race.
So, you know, he has to bitch about racism or he's out of a job.
It has to be a major trouble in society or there's no curriculum.
If blacks aren't being oppressed, then what are we going to talk about?
Research methods, the American dance experience, and Africanist dance practices.
Topics in Africa.
Introduction to African literature.
Okay, there's one reasonable one.
20th century African American art.
Sure.
Jazz history.
Many sounds.
Many voices.
Keep going.
Global race and ethnicity.
Look at this.
Special topics in urban dance.
That's a class.
This is this academic.
This is this authority.
Oh, by the way, I noticed when I was looking up academics, they use the word work a lot.
Thanks for putting in the work.
That's the prison term, the work.
That's what gangs talk about.
And I think black culture, which often gets its influences from prison, like the baggy pants came from baggy prison uniforms, they've taken jail terms.
Do you have that here?
Did I put that in there?
Yeah, here it is.
It's 1.6.
Putting in the work.
That's what like the Aryan nations will say.
Thank you, blah, blah, blah, for being a leader who unites us for the work.
And this is this woman who just did a seminar, and she brought these books to the seminar for a bunch of white teachers to read so they can learn about white fragility.
By the way, Milo took this book apart.
He ripped it to shreds.
It's really worth checking out.
But look at the, this is what our teachers are being taught.
And they're using gang terms to do it.
Okay, before we get back to that, Professor, here's one more thing.
Now, this isn't his fault.
But again, I just, I had to show you this because I couldn't believe such a thing exists.
I fucking hate school so much.
No, no, this is 1.7, Ryan.
Creative Computing Institute is giving out MA Internet Equalities.
I don't know what MA means.
It's a master's.
Look at this white guy in the back laughing.
That's me.
But look at this write-up for this class.
Did we already cover this on the show?
No.
I've got such a pile of notes here because we've been mumbo-jumboed over the past two weeks.
This class explores how power relations are organized, embedded, and perpetuated in internet technologies.
So code is now racist.
And how they can be reorganized or challenged through critical, creative, and activist practice.
This course is subject to validation, blah, blah, blah.
During validation, there may be some course changes.
Why choose this course?
High quality research-informed team, critical Engagement with technology.
This course provides students a range of disciplinary backgrounds with the skills to understand and implement applied equality in technology development.
How about you just develop the technology and not worry about what race the person is who's coming up with the fucking code?
Anyway, I give you all this background so you know who you're talking to or who you're listening to when this Princeton professor starts bitching about Trump.
And I'll take the hit on it.
Go back, go back.
I'll take the hit on it.
You're in a commercial.
Clearly people loved it.
Your people loved it.
I'll say this, and I'll take the hit on it.
What we know is that the country has been playing politics for a long time on this country.
You want to get into the KKK and Confederacy?
Do you want to get into that?
You want to get into Robert Byrd and the liberals who supported the KKK?
And then you have, what is this?
What's his name?
No, can't we all just get along guy?
Marion Berrien.
Marion Berry?
That's a crackhead mayor.
The guy who got the shit kicked out of him.
Something King.
King, yeah.
Rodney King.
Rodney King.
Rodney King, who led the police through the suburbs on a wild chase, endangering hundreds of lives.
Eventually, they catch him.
The two guys he's with immediately comply, put their hands behind their back.
He won't get down.
They tase him.
He laughs in their face.
Then they beat him.
You just saw that last little bit and here it is in a commercial.
We know this.
He's a manifestation of the ugliness that's in us.
Either we're going to change or we're going to do this again and again.
This is us.
Hail Trump.
Hail our people.
Hail victory.
Very fine people on both sides.
There is racism coming.
Of course, we have to show Charlottesville and Heather hire.
Richard Spencer is in there saying, hail Trump.
Yes, racists, some racists like him.
Some racists use toilet paper.
That's called guilt by association.
And look at this fucking clown.
Isn't it funny that his career and his presidential run was torpedoed by the fact that he's a white male when he was pushing identity politics so hard?
And then when it came to the fact that he's one of the bad people he talks about, he tried to twist it around and go, well, what I would do is I would consult other people and people of color and women throughout my presidential term.
Why don't we just get rid of you?
Then we don't have to worry about your whiteness.
Out of the White House.
What the fuck are we doing?
Alyssa Milano is in your commercial, DNC?
Is this a trailer for a movie or is this just a commercial to say fuck Trump?
And by the way, the effing is obviously trying to get the young people excited.
So we're kind of badass and we say fuck in our commercials.
What on earth is going on?
The third deadly mass shooting in a week.
Once the country gets into a full-on just buzz.
So we just jump from racism to mass shootings.
I don't know why.
I guess Trump is responsible for Charlottesville.
And by the way, we know what happened with the, there are good people on both sides, right?
We know that he was talking about the people who wanted the statues to remain.
Against everyone race war, they're quite sure they'll win.
Our squad is big, and we won't get caught slipping.
You can knock us down.
You can never beat us.
And given the size of this squad in this great nation, we cannot, we will not be silenced.
I don't know.
Like members of the press.
What the fuck?
Connect the dots about what he's been doing in this country.
You know the shit he's been saying.
Wait, wait, wait, what's that?
Hate crimes increased 226%?
No.
The reporting of hate crimes increased because the number of groups dedicated to fighting hate increased.
Connect the dots about what he's been doing in this country.
It's not a movie.
You know the shit he's been saying.
He's not tolerating racism.
He's promoting.
Wait a minute.
Go back.
Go back.
What the fuck have his kids at a UFC thing got to do with hate crimes?
Because they're like, everything's good.
That's what they're trying to put across.
I don't understand.
As if they're seeing the stats and they're like, yeah, it's good.
Thumbs up.
We love it.
Yeah.
What a weird thing to do.
Yeah, yeah.
And then they show them clapping.
That's connect the dots about what he's been doing in this country.
Hate crimes, rock.
He's not tolerating violence.
He's inciting racism and violence in this country.
Just go back.
Isn't that funny that montage was fake?
Like, rapists, they are sending rapists.
Shithole countries.
I don't think that's been.
Has that been proven that he said that?
What?
Talking about shithole countries.
And they are shithole countries.
And we all know that.
That's why we don't go there.
Somebody in the meeting said that he had said that.
Right, yeah.
And then what else?
Invasion.
It is an invasion.
Go back.
They should go back.
And violence.
And then fake news.
So after a litany of fake news, they say he accuses us of sometimes having fake news.
Can you believe that shit?
Right after they lied and showed Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump going yes to hate crimes.
So he's a white nationalist domestic terrorist.
Gross.
Look at that.
Wow.
Sources.
That's all these sources.
Look at all the Twitter.
The Twitter's listed as a source.
Did Bob Maneri get back to you?
Who dat?
That Twitter.
Oh, let me see here.
Oh, yeah.
That was fast.
So is it on the story, right?
I'm guessing.
No.
Just click the links.
One, two.
Or you could have just clicked the motocross, guys, whatever.
This guy's giving me a headache.
It's one, two.
Okay, gotcha.
Come on, Ryan.
I don't know why they do this every year.
All it takes is one, and there he goes right there.
Down he goes and smashing up the rocks and flying down the mountain they go.
And the ones that are coming down the hill a little bit later, just getting the message the hard way.
They are fucking messy zombies over.
And it looks like a bunch of swift ants on the side of that mountain.
As you can see, it is a nightmare.
For those who didn't make it through, they qualify the next round.
For those who didn't make it down the hill, well, they're fucked.
And there's a lot more of them coming.
It looks like the fucking zombie apocalypse making its way down the hill, all dressed the same, so you can't tell them apart.
And they're still flipping and flopping all around.
There goes another one, another bike right on some dude's head.
And another unsuccessful race down the hill.
They check at 1-3.
This is how I discovered him was 1-3.
I didn't know rats fight like this.
Rats fight like humans.
Well, they said, everybody, not to panic, remain calm.
Well, I don't know.
There's two fucking rats fighting over food.
You tell me how the world's looking right now.
They were told to wait in line at the grocery store and go two at a time.
And they said, fuck it.
Let's throw down right here, right now.
Big right jab there from the little rat on the right has the advantage right now.
You see him using his hands.
He's trying to grapple him as he hops on top of the counter.
He's got an angle now.
Children watching at home, turn your heads.
This is not Ratatouille.
This is Ratatouille on crack, the X-rated version.
Both trying to just get a piece of cheese at the market.
And now he all out fucking warfare.
He dressed his dad up like the Ratatouille villain.
No.
And it looks exactly like him.
Sorry, I'm going all over the place here.
I should have saved those Bob Mineries.
Is there an autofocus thing happening?
No.
I should have saved those Bob Mineries for the end, but we have good stuff at the end.
But I thought this was an interesting study.
This is 1.8.
Several universities maintain artificial intelligence system designed to monitor social media websites and report users who post hate speech in a study published in May.
Researchers at Cornell discovered that systems flag tweets that likely come from black social media users more often, according to campus reform.
So they're saying that these bots are racist because, and this is the argument we've heard a million times, if blacks are collared more in an action, then that action is racist.
So say you said as the mayor, we're going to crack down on people who haven't paid their parking tickets.
If that ended up getting a lot of black people's cars confiscated, then that action is racist, even though you didn't go in thinking that.
So they go with the result, then they work backwards from there.
So they noticed that these black social media guys are getting collared more.
But the study's authors found that according to the AI system's definition of abusive speech, tweets written in African-American English are abusive at substantially higher rates.
The study also revered that black-aligned tweets are sexist at almost twice the rate of white-aligned tweets.
This is what I, like I was watching Star Wars last night, and I was remembering that the author said, you know, the dark side is all about white supremacy.
And make no mistake, this is about white nationalism and fighting the dark side and blah, blah, blah.
And you go, okay, let's break that down a little bit.
Shall we, just for fun?
That is saying white pride is a sin because pride is a sin.
Got it.
It's not a sin when it's gay pride, by the way, or black pride.
That's fine.
But white pride is a sin.
And I kind of understand that.
I get that.
You know, you're walking around going, white people are the best.
We built all this.
You suck.
We're number one.
It would be like if you're a dad in a house and you said, this is all mine.
I paid for all this.
You see your clothes?
Those are my clothes.
I paid for those clothes.
See the food you're eating?
That's my food.
You're under my house.
I'm the king.
I did that.
That would be annoying.
And that would mean you're not a good father.
So you shouldn't do that.
Gotcha.
But that's one sin, and you're only concerned with one group doing it.
And yet, like all the other sins, coveting thy neighbor's wife, gluttony.
When we see fat people, we praise them and say, we have to stay body positive.
You're not prettier than me.
You're thinner than me.
You know, that shirt.
So gluttony is okay.
Coveting thy neighbor's wife with porn is totally cool.
Murder, murdering babies seems to be good.
And even, as I said on the other show there, I can think of like people I know who potentially murdered someone, like the woman I think likely murdered Elliott Smith, Jennifer Chiba.
And she was still amongst our friends.
It was still cool.
But Trump supporters, no, they have to go.
They're white pride.
So it's weird that we totally ignore all of these sins and are completely, like that commercial, completely focused on one group doing one of those sins.
What a waste of energy.
Especially when the evidence is Heather Heyer and Donald Trump Jr. going like this at a fucking wrestling match.
But by the way, the reason they use that black guy in that commercial is because we like it when blacks emote, because they seem more interesting than us, and they might very well be.
But I thought this was funny when 1-9 with AOC was trying to do what that black guy did, but she just, she flails too much.
What did the Senate majority fight for?
One of the largest corporate bailouts with as few strings as possible in American history?
Shameful.
The greed.
Now I may have lost my train of thought several minutes ago, but if I continue to talk like this, no one will notice.
And when I stop, you will applaud my energy.
Thank you.
What did the Senate majority?
And then there's Haley Stevens.
I'd never heard of her before.
And I know I said no coronavirus, but this isn't really that.
Look at this lunatic.
You will see darkness.
You will be pushed.
And there will be.
will see darkness?
That's why folks like this are important, and this is why the NRA is time to go!
Go!
Fucking lunatics.
Whoa.
What happened?
Scary.
Yeah, spooky, huh?
Oh, Ryan was at the border.
We forgot to talk about this.
I was at the border.
You were working for Rebel News.
Yes.
And you drove up to the border.
What was your point of that particular exercise?
The point of the entire investigation was that there's no extra security during this trying time.
But you went up to the border and you were immediately surrounded with border guards from both sides.
No, I was there for about 10 minutes and but there was no fence or any sort of signs that say you need to turn around.
But there was a big building there full of cops that if you crossed over, they would have apprehended you.
That's what they say is the welcome center.
And then there was some footage of people still coming over.
Yeah, but I've heard that it's the welcome center, but that wasn't proven.
Well, visually, there's no more patrol than usual.
Is there a reporter?
Well, they just wanted to see because they can't get anywhere near that.
Can you not find the clip?
Oh, I can't.
What were you looking for just then?
All right.
And here we go.
Here we are.
Oh, that's.
Boy, they've already put out two videos since Sunday.
Yep.
He was really churning them out.
Look, you're already way down there.
You're already the 12th video.
Dang.
Walk around here and then abating and abetting.
People sometimes murder a little cat, right?
Kill somebody in New York City, skip in the candle, they never catch them.
Why would you never catch them?
Ryan Katsu Rivera here.
By the way, just pause.
You know what I learned from this?
What?
If you have a wool shirt, do not wash it in the dryer because it'll shrink so much that you'll have to give it to an Asian man.
And then you'll be watching news and you'll see one of your favorite shirts on a shrimp.
That is mine.
Yes.
On a gay midget.
Shrimp shirt.
Who lives in a place he calls the fag zone.
None of that is true besides the shirt.
They make it pretty clear for you to stop and that you'll be returned back to the United States.
That's my reporter voice.
You could tell.
Over 50,000 have been taken in.
This is post-COVID, COVID.
Because they have the face masks and they have the gloves, and there's more footage of that.
Where'd you get?
You didn't get that from me.
No, no idea now.
But Trudeau got a lot of pressure from people because of the quarantine.
The quarantine down.
Oh, my God.
Why are you wearing two?
What are you, Steve Bannon?
Why do you have two collared shirts?
I don't know.
You're treating one of them as a jacket?
Technically, you have two collars on right now.
What's that?
Yeah.
I'm using one as a jacket.
So I don't really see what information you got.
Is there any visual...
David Menzies and his other reporters couldn't get close to the border at all.
They stopped.
On the Canadian side.
Yeah.
So it's probably because Trudeau hasn't done anything different.
Like, that's what that place looks like all the time.
But he said he would bolster security up and he just...
And then his wife got a Chinese virus and he goes, we're closing the borders.
All right.
Last piece of news before we go and look at, oh, we got to do mail.
Pizza news?
Pizza news.
Yeah, today in pizza news.
Oh, just that I saw this article 2.6 that people always claim that Mexican, these illegals are a benefit to us and they pay tons of tax and we need them and they're so valuable.
And I've always argued that they are a welfare deficit, right?
And I always get told, no, they pay tons of tax.
What are you talking about, sales tax?
Because look at this.
Percentage of U.S. immigrants using welfare by region of origin, Central American Mexico, 73% of Mexican immigrants are using welfare.
That's a lot.
That's a bad number.
That's three in four people are on fucking welfare.
How did you get here?
All right.
Should we do the mailbag song?
We shall.
Sorry, we don't have a desk.
Everything is very primitive now.
Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a desk.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
I should have gone through these and found out which ones are good.
Good at it if you're not.
Getting good at it, if you will.
Is that a good background for now?
My podcast.
Huh?
Thank you.
There we go.
Oh, we got a ton.
So weird.
Last live show, we had no new ones, and now we have 8 million.
All right, this is from a guy named Dizamel.
That's a weird fucking name.
You can thank your parents for that.
Hey guys, just subscribe, and I see you're working on lots of stuff, but being able to add videos to favorites would be an awesome feature to have.
Good point.
This one's from Patrick.
Hey guys, I watched The Hunt and thought it was fucking awesome.
Then I watched the GL ML, the hunt, and thoroughly enjoyed you retards miss every aspect of the plot.
Brilliant.
Although the movie was great, I wanted to point out how obvious it was that the movie was made by liberals.
The stereotypes they used to portray right-wingers revealed how completely unfair they are with actual right-wing views, and their portrayal of leftists was pretty spot-on, but exaggerated.
Another giveaway was the scene that you guys missed, where the dying consultant asks the main chick if she served, to which she replied she was in Afghanistan.
Then she asks him if he served and he said National Guard.
She then goes on to shit talk him about he wasn't in the shit or something along those lines.
Anyone who actually knows people who served knows that the National Guard are commonly deployed to war zones.
They have infantry units and even have special forces.
Fuck your Oxford comma.
England is a fag country.
Let me fuck you with my heels on.
Fuck, I was listening to random music on my headphones walking through the park with my dog.
And that lady saw came on and I mumbled, I'm gonna fuck you with my heels on, right as I passed a person.
And if he didn't see my earbuds or know the song, which he doesn't, he thought I was just like going, hey, I want to fuck you with my heels on no okay fine don't tell your wife that i said that it'd be great if you got like a new helmet the day before he's like wow this new helmet's really getting some good responses what new helmet yeah he did something new like he did his hair a certain way and then he's like wow what's a helmet he's on a bike he wasn't on a bike oh you physically just walked past a person oh i thought you were there was a bike i thought there
was a bike involved.
How does Terrence Howard pronounce abogino?
God bless Corey Bell.
I would imagine he pronounces it abogino.
Otis Simbo, abogino.
Yeah, he probably says abogino.
This is from John.
Subliminal trans life serial commercial.
Salutations.
The other day I was wasting some time with the wife watching Game Show Network and this life serial commercial comes on.
If you recall the older version oh my god, Kumya sent me this too.
If you recall the older versions of these commercials it always featured a little boy named Mikey and it went like this.
Mikey likes it.
And then he has a list of commercials one of them is from the 1070s.
John, I do not believe they had commercials in the 1070s.
They barely had a civilization.
Isn't that the, what is that, the Bronze Age?
I don't think, we barely had homes.
All right, I'm just getting all these links ready here.
Okay.
I'm glad this came up.
Thank you for sending this letter in.
Okay, that's...
All right.
Thank you.
What's this stuff?
What's this stuff?
Some cereal.
It's supposed to be good for you.
Did you try it?
I'm not gonna try it.
You try it.
I'm not gonna try it.
Let's get Mikey.
Yeah.
He won't need it.
He hates everything.
He likes it.
Hey Mikey.
When you bring life home, don't tell the kids it's one of those nutritional cereals you've been trying to get them to eat.
You're the only one who has...
By the way, that's a really good commercial.
It's well paced.
You have the two characters and then you add the kid at the end who doesn't like anything, but he likes that.
Your kids will like it.
Gotcha.
Be nice.
Mom's fine.
So, Uncle Mikey, our favorite babysitter.
Got any plans for making it through the morning?
Breakfast.
Life cereal.
We want...
won't like it wait a minute they were outside and they came in for breakfast same way live cereal what time do these kids have breakfast 11 a.m they intermittently fast don't you eat breakfast before you go out and play okay but anyway we got that all right cute update and now with the 2020 video hello again my sheep life what are you pausing that for okay hello again my chip life anything
healthy?
Just pause.
What's the Asian girl doing?
Is she adopted?
I don't know what...
If she's sleeping over, when kids sleep over, they have breakfast together.
What, has the Asian girl been up for like two hours and her friend, the host of the sleepover, just woke up?
That's not how it works.
Just stick an Asian girl in a commercial for diversity.
That's the mother.
She likes it.
See, who is the Asian girl?
I don't know.
But everything about that's creepy.
And they've ruined the whole concept.
We don't know that this bitch doesn't eat life cereal.
Like in the first one, it goes, this is Mikey.
He hates cereal.
He's not a good cereal person.
Let's see if he'll eat it.
Oh, he likes it.
Even snobs like it.
She's just sitting there.
Look at this.
He sends data.
Data.
Dota.
Boy's name, meaning, origin, and popularity.
Ranked number 794.
Down 77% from 2019.
And now 2019, it's Oh, so I guess the Asian says she doesn't like healthy stuff and dad passes the bull.
That wasn't very clear.
No.
I've never met a girl named Mikey.
It just seems like they're trying to sneak some shit into our kids'heads.
Yeah, they absolutely are.
That's a fucking annoying commercial.
Hey, Gavin, you took some real risks with Gary and Copper Cab, but I'm loving it.
Of course, your show is a bread and butter.
Well worth the subscription on its own.
You know, I got a letter the other day.
I don't think it's here.
Where the guy goes, hey, just because there's a pandemic doesn't mean you can cut down your content to a quarter of what it used to be.
And then I look at the site.
They've had like two videos a day.
Biggs is uploading just stuff.
Just extra content.
all our shows have been over two hours.
They're longer than ever.
Which is almost an hour more than usual.
So we've been churning it out like motherfuckers.
talking about maybe he was trying to write some other company and people like sam hyde will go weeks without doing content crowder will take huge breaks we ain't take no break we don't take no nappy nappy china is not china is asshole but we are not asshole china is asshole um and yeah when you signed up for censor.tv it was just me and i only said four days a week so you know this is one of the oldest symbols
you know all right william hart uh congratulations congratulations on the rebel gig is it just me or has ezra molded its reporters into conservative icons or stars when is ezra coming onto the show i'm mad at ezra why he's always
shitting on me go fuck yourself my friend yeah he said that to me twice two separate occasions he said emailed me and said go fuck yourself my friend um and he he gave me a pile of shit for getting kicked out of c-pack and i'm like are you blind that was one of my greatest moments in history my dad called me up
laughing from that that was an epic moment i totally eviscerated jared holt and that whole pussy contingent will what's his name what's summer ran away fuck and i i just resent by the way at c-pack how we're supposed to sit there and live among people who actively try to ruin our lives and our children's lives and our marriages and our careers.
These guys are out there to sabotage our lives and we're supposed to go, can you, like, what about that in the real world?
If someone was rubbing shit on your door, and then you see them at a local restaurant, you're supposed to say, hey, how's it going?
No.
Hey, McGinnis, I just want to say that you and your homunculus, homunculous sidekick.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
Let's ask the machine.
The internet machine.
I'm getting this picture right now.
Homonculus.
I like learning big words.
It means a mixed race person of small stature who nicknames his abode something to the tune of fag zone.
What?
Yeah.
That is inaccurate, but specific.
It's a very specific word.
It must not get used a lot.
Specific and inaccurate, yes.
A homunculus is a representation of a small human being.
Oh, you were close.
Folklore, so it means little.
Little.
Little guy.
Lil Rye.
Little guy.
Little guy.
He's just a little slight.
It's okay.
People get slight sometimes.
Not everybody could be tall.
We're doing our best.
Your show is all right.
Makes lockdown from the Chinese pox manageable, I suppose.
I don't want to give your big fat Scottish head more reason to self-inflate.
Want to send you two gee bags a copy of my book?
I don't want your fucking book.
Come to Ireland, no.
All right.
Anthony, what's up with Ryan?
Moonlighting with the Rebel.
Actually, not bad reporting.
And you maintained a lot of poise under pressure.
Nothing wrong with that.
I don't know what he discovered, but okay.
Nothing wrong with that.
Who's giggling fanatically in that clip?
The reporter.
She's just being charmed.
Hey guys, I've been following Gavin since Revel News, where I guess you revel in the truth.
I'm 22 in university, living with two roommates.
I recently implemented Gavin's dishwashing schedule, modified to using a dishwasher.
You unload the clean dishwasher, the drying rack, and load any dirty plates, cutlery from the sink, and around the kitchen on your day.
Then you flip your name over.
I'd like to thank Gavin for all the advice over the years.
P.S. It was cool seeing Robert.
Oh, so that's a good, that's, that's what we had.
Now we had a nail, and you would, it was much more, like it would get ripped to shreds as we took the paper off the front and put it around to the back.
This rotating keychain is a much smarter way to do it.
Good work, sir.
And then go down?
What's that?
Yeah, so you just, you see your name, if you have any sense of shame, of course.
You see your name and you go, I don't like seeing Gavin there.
I want to get that at the back.
And if you're on it, it can be almost zero work.
If there's one mug in the sink and your name is there, wash the mug.
Your name now goes to the back.
The sink is clean.
Doesn't matter how many dishes you do, as long as when your name is up there, there's no dishes in the sink.
And that competition keeps that dishwasher clean way more.
Yes.
Wow.
I like it.
Here's some other advice I was thinking of over the weekend.
We were going to watch Stripes with the Kids.
We didn't end up watching it, but I was remembering people always say to young men who are out there courting, what should I do?
Like, I got any tips for talking to girls?
I'm so nervous and blah, blah, blah, and I want to get laid.
Yes, I have a tip.
Don't be yourself.
Everyone always says, just be yourself.
Just be you.
Just be, no, do not be yourself.
You're nervous and horny.
Those are two things that girls who don't know you are not interested in.
They don't feel, they're not inspired by nervous.
And then the fact that you're thinking about Dick and Hole is a real turnoff to her.
So this is what you do.
You abandon your own personality and you take on Bill Murray from Stripes.
Specifically, the scene where he's got the spatula and he's sticking it under her bum on the stove.
Become that guy.
Watch Stripes.
Become Bill Murray in Stripes.
And your actual personality, that can come in much later.
Maybe after she says she loves you.
Interesting.
All right.
You've looked at the general's refrigerator long enough.
Let's go.
Come on.
Let's look at the general's covers.
John!
You know, you're very pretty.
Thank you.
You know what your problem is, baby?
No, I don't.
The problem is that you're armed.
You're heavily armed.
I have a lot of trouble.
Girls are armed.
They don't know how to come on.
This could be a me too moment in today's day and age.
Did anybody give you the angina treatment?
No, I certainly haven't.
Yeah, so I'll set up first to get up with the griddle.
See the sense of danger?
I don't get you up to cruising speed!
We're talking to a stick on the bottom line here.
Keep hopping.
Keep hopping, honey.
There you go.
A little bit lumpy.
See, you've established contact.
That's where you want to be, guys.
All right, running out of time here.
This is a guy named Flurp.
He has a really awesome Out for Bud thing.
That's a little too good, dude.
it rules.
But like what kind of He's wearing a woman's shirt now.
You've made it too...
He looks, he's wearing sexy chick clothes, but it's a really fucking awesome drawing.
It's like a 1980s kind of thing.
You're a very talented dude, but you got to make the jeans a little less sexy and the top a little less dance skin.
But great work, dude.
And that's a fucking amazing wolf face.
Holy shit.
Yeah, that's awesome.
We got to put those together somehow.
Yeah.
All right.
You helped me figure out what that Joe shirt said, the exotic Joe.
Yeah.
Maybe that could be a shirt.
I don't know if, actually, I don't know if we could.
Okay.
Sell that legally.
People and their fucking dogs.
This is from Will.
Hey guys, I'm a plumber in training.
I tag along with a real plumber on calls Four days a week.
Every single day we ring the doorbell and there's immediate frantic barking.
The customer goes between opening the door and wrangling their stupid fucking dog.
And instead of introducing themselves or letting us introduce ourselves, they explain about their dog, they quickly mention their name, and their attention goes straight back to their dog.
They often speak to their dog like they would a person.
One would think this faggotry would be confined to older women, but I've seen numerous young men do this shit too.
I said, well, you ain't that straight.
My theory is that weak people graft onto dogs as a source of constant unconditional validation, which is the core of what clown world is.
That's a good observation, Plummer.
Constant, unconditional validation.
Yeah.
Just like the pride.
As long as you're not a white male, everything you do is wonderful, including eating yourself to death.
When I was on Tinder, it was full of women absolutely obsessed with dogs.
Many in their profile saying outright, I'll never love you as much as my dog.
To make a short story long, I'm disgusted by how many people put all their emotional energy into dogs instead of fellow humans or practical pursuits.
I want to fuck you with my new sunglasses.
I feel like I'm a toad.
That's it for the mailbox mailbag.
I'm losing my voice.
This has been such a talky show.
And we've got some fun videos to end with.
What's this Spirit27?
I don't even remember that.
Oh, boy.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, we'll make this the final video.
So this is a 1980s Oprah Winfrey, maybe it's 90s.
And she's talking to a spirit from the, I guess, the underworld, like a demon?
Okay.
In order for me to do this, I just need a couple of moments.
1000.
So bad.
A couple of moments are deadly on television.
20 seconds where operas could kill you, you know, but I'm not going to allow it.
This will pay off, Oprah.
Mm-hmm.
I was going to say hum a song, Oprah.
Well, I don't want to interfere with the process or whatever.
50 seconds I take this to mean that this is my food.
My food.
Adjusting to the vibrational level.
Tell me, Mafu, why, why, or why?
First of all, who are you?
Beloved woman, bless you.
I am honored to be in what is called your presence.
Ask you that which be I, I be that which you are, entity, all things.
I be what is called one who have come unto you on this day in your timing to bring unto you the greatest thing there be, that which is termed the knowing that you are loved by that which is called the Father that is within you and within all things.
So who are you?
That be I. So you're everything?
Thank you.
Indeed.
Thank you.
Why is it possible?
She looks like Pennywise on laundry day.
That you coming through Pennywise.
That there are other entities that come through all of us and live in all of us and reside in all of us.
Why are you Russian?
You just don't know how to bring them out.
All things are possible, beloved woman.
That which is termed this process, it is an outrageous thing.
It is what she challenges mankind indeed, and so it should.
Her ant is a retailer.
It is a great thing to be challenged.
Great wisdom is gained there.
Where do you come from?
And why do you have an accent?
That which is called, where come from I, but within you, within this woman, within all peoples, I am one with your father, that which you are.
And why?
So you're the one that raped me?
Thanks a lot.
Hi, I am raped that which too I am.
I am the one that rapeth you, beloved woman.
...to discharge what had come to create a following, and thereby to hold God.
And unto what is termed the understanding of that which is termed they who seek wisdom through that which I am.
Okay.
Dude, that sucked.
We can't end the show with that.
Let's end the show with this Australian rap battle.
2-8.
An eight which is the number, which is.
An eight which you will find in your father, which is the one who shall be thenceforth known to thee of all things at all times.
Yes, the bringing it back.
The battle of rep, which is between the two people which are Australian.
Is this time coded or should I go to the beginning?
I think it's time coded.
Oh, right.
...straining of how you're less entertaining than getting it on with Kerry and Kennelly after the fucking whore's been bathing.
But taking out the fact this is your first battle, this and that and whatnot...
It's hard for you to be threatening it all when he straight up looking like a softcock.
Yeah, fuck it.
Take it.
Time!
Alright, last button, first touch.
Let's go, homie.
You think that I'm a softcock?
Really, I couldn't give two fucks because you don't know me.
You don't know what I've lived through.
But let me just say this.
I'm not the one to judge people.
Either this is rap battling, I couldn't give two fucks.
Only for the factor of I do this because I love it.
Whether or not I choke it out, it doesn't matter.
But at one ounce, if there's an MC like you who basically, their shit just breaks like in the curry, the after effects, then don't waste your time.
Go do something else.
Go do something with your life.
We should make a law.
If Touche's ever going to make a kid, ever have a kid get his dick in a cunt, we should shoot the little kid.
Because we don't want little Touche coming around like a head of a drink.
Isn't rap supposed to rhyme?
But I'm going to say this.
Maybe next time I'll come reped.
I got fucked up last night, forgot my lines, put a memorized, and don't know where the fuck I put the piece of paper in my house.
Bitch off to this.
I'll bet you off to this.
That's enough.
We'll be here all week, folks.
I guess we're supposed to stay here till April 30th.
I think we should go back to Manhattan next week.
Are we allowed?
I think...
So if that studio is open, then I'm guessing we are media.
And media is allowed.
No, really, it's an essential.
Yeah, I know, I know.
All right, let's do another week here, and then I think we'll head back to the city no matter what the law says.
Because we don't follow the rules.
We get fired.
We get in trouble.
We be brave.
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