Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E144 - SURVIVAL TIPS [2020-03-31 - S02E144 - SURVIVAL TIPS]

All Episodes

Previous Next

March 31, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:27:44

S02E144 - SURVIVAL TIPS [2020-03-31 - S02E144 - SURVIVAL TIPS]

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	Okay, let's drop it.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on yes.
	Let me ride on your knees.
	I've been waiting for you so take me to the street.
	I got the line.
	I'm gonna fuck you like my phone.
	Let me put this in the middle.
	Cut to the video.
	I got my legs open so much.
	I wanna feel you deep inside.
	That's the best one.
	I don't.
	Bye.
	Play it again.
	Listen to the fuck.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on yes.
	Let me ride on your kingdom.
	I'll be waiting for you.
	Take me to the springs on my fucking.
	I got a lot of people.
	Imagine a woman wanting to fuck you that bad.
	Come on.
	Let me see your dick pic.
	I got my legs open so wide.
	Come on.
	Babe, you know what?
	I'm dead.
	I can see you guys.
	What is it that made Lady Saw become religious?
	It was right after that song.
	Did she fuck too many times?
	Maybe she had too much sex and she got a bunch of STDs and she maybe did crack.
	Because sex is better on crack.
	So she wasn't getting laid that much because she's a two.
	And then she started getting laid a lot because of that song and she got money and everything.
	And then she started smoking crack.
	And then crack became nuts because all these porn stars, you know why they're either faking it or they're actually loving it because they're on meth.
	You're watching meth addicts get disgusting.
	So I'm guessing that's what happened to her.
	And she had a coming to Jesus moment where it was either continue down this road on the ocean or find God and get your life together.
	She found God and got her life together.
	Why does everyone shit on Christianity so much?
	Christianity, religion has caused more death.
	Yeah, Islam has caused a lot of death.
	Christianity saved a lot of fucking lives.
	A lot of lives.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
	You'll notice, by the way, that this setup is what?
	10% worse than what we had in Manhattan?
	You're welcome.
	And doesn't this show how much more skilled and professional and talented we are over Samantha B, Jimmy Kimmel, John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, Conan O'Brien?
	All of their shows suck.
	What, you couldn't go to your office and grab a TriCaster?
	You couldn't grab a couple cam, one camera.
	We use one camera here.
	We have one camera, a TriCaster, a makeshift soundboard, and three computers.
	You can't just load that into your fucking car and drive it out to the burbs to a guy's apartment.
	The fuck's the matter with you?
	And they're still reading from cue cards.
	It looks so corny.
	They're reading.
	They've probably got the wife or something scrolling with their thumb on an iPad doing the lines.
	It looks pathetic.
	Pathetic.
	I kind of stole this point from Crowder, too.
	Crowder was saying, we can see now how much late night sucks, how talentless they are.
	They're getting emailed their jokes from their team.
	Isn't that proof you're not funny if 14 people have to write your jokes for you?
	Like, I guess Mariah Carey has everyone write her songs, but say you were a comedian on stage and you didn't write your jokes and 14 people busted their ass to make you funny and you would just read the jokes that they provided with a teleprompter.
	You'd be known as a hack.
	You'd be some Saudi prince whose daddy bought him a comedy career.
	That's what they are.
	Let's see Stephen Colbert's stand-up just raw or Conan O'Brien.
	Actually, Conan O'Brien went on a comedy tour, didn't he?
	But still, that was likely pre-written jokes.
	Speaking of absolute fucking losers and sex addicts who need to turn their lives around, I was watching 600 Pound Life the other day, and I don't know.
	I think I might be losing interest in it.
	It's the same every episode, the same disgusting human beings.
	I saw one with this chick, Lupe, and her husband was cheating on her.
	Well, yeah.
	What would you like him to do?
	Is it really cheating when your wife becomes 900 pounds?
	Like, didn't she leave the relationship first?
	What do you think?
	I mean, say someone's a heroin addict and they're just sitting there shooting up and they're like, hey man, can I borrow 20 bucks?
	Are you cheating on that person if you fuck someone else?
	Yeah, there she is.
	How dare he cheat on her?
	I love you so much.
	I give so much to this relationship.
	And you give back nothing.
	She looks like Big Ed from 90 Day Fiancé.
	They both look scrunched.
	My weight is taking a toll on my heart, my kidneys, my liver, my legs, everything.
	I don't know why I'm surprised that they're always self-indulgent on this show.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You ate so many cupcakes, you became one.
	Of course they're self-indulgent, Gavin.
	What do you think they are?
	Selfless?
	Because of my weight.
	Like this, poor bastard.
	You're diabetic, you don't say what scares me the most is that my chins will fail again.
	Yeah, I've already got into a diabetic coma, and there was so much fat around my neck, it was suffocating me.
	So they had to do a tracheotomy just so I could breathe while I was unconscious.
	Do like a chin tuck right here and then put the trache in because even with the ventilator, I still need it.
	I just clutched my pearls.
	Oh my lord.
	I walked into the yarn.
	I never walked out.
	Here's what I don't get.
	I think I may have said this before in the show.
	Yeah, this is when I watched last night.
	I'm 200 pounds.
	I'm in pretty good shape.
	I haven't been to the gym since this bullshit, but I'm in pretty good shape.
	I don't think I could walk around with two gavs.
	Like a gav here and a gav here.
	I now have to get up off the couch with these two guys and walk over and like take a piss, take a shit, get up, get in the shower with two gavs, wash all three of our butts.
	I don't think I'm strong enough.
	And this weak fat overweight piece of shit certainly isn't.
	Am I the only one who thinks of skull fucking whenever you see these couples?
	Because I don't think he can make it to the vagina, right?
	I guess you could say intimacy is impossible.
	Her head is muffin topping.
	This is way harder.
	This is like Milo saying, the only thing more disgusting than this is when they don't smell.
	Because it shows someone is cleaning their fucking folds.
	Oh, I like the touch with the blue and the red in the window.
	So intimacy is impossible, but he cheated on her.
	You made intimacy impossible.
	You literally left him no choice.
	Look at that.
	That's all because of my weight.
	You've been cursed.
	Who did this to you?
	Can we sue them?
	It was the food companies.
	They did it.
	We guys got to do that.
	I'm wondering if we should wait till we can get like cameramen and stuff, or we should just try to do it ourselves.
	We've done a great job of this.
	Maybe we'll do a great job of our 200-pound life.
	Maybe we should stop talking about it and just fucking do it.
	So looking at her, disgusting.
	And it is disgusting.
	Okay?
	I want to see some of these fat positive people get shown a picture of Lupe and have to go, yes, it's just different.
	Okay, but is it beautiful?
	Is it remotely conceivable that that's beautiful?
	Yes, it is.
	Yes, sir.
	They wouldn't, all of a sudden their eyes start darting around the room.
	Yes, it is.
	It's fantastic.
	Okay, go fuck her then.
	Go crawl into bed with the human cupcake.
	But anyway, speaking of human cupcakes, the way her head is scrunched reminds me of Big Ed.
	And I sent you that meme in the email.
	This was the other show I watched.
	And I find this show much more interesting because 600 Pound Life is really just the same asshole again and again and again with different body.
	And the body looks the same in every one.
	But 90 Day Fiancé, Big Ed from 90 Day Fiancé looks like someone dropped a cinderblock from a three-star building onto Stuttering John's.
	You know what's funny about that?
	I've stopped reading at Cinderblock and sent that to you.
	I didn't even get to Stuttering John, but it is.
	I think he must have a disability, this guy.
	And the beauty of 90 Day Fiancé is there's like 17 different couples you're following at the same time, and they're all totally different.
	I mean, they're all fucking losers, but they're all totally different types of losers.
	And let's be honest with ourselves.
	The reason we watch these shows is because they make us feel good about ourselves.
	Like when I saw this 60-year-old last night going to the train station to meet a Ukrainian who's definitely not there, I felt like the fawns.
	I was like, every time I go to meet a chick, she exists.
	I must be cool.
	After I met my soulmate on Instagram, he's a hunk.
	I have never met Varya in person.
	So I've decided to go to Russia.
	Want to hear your voice and to see you.
	You want to say hi?
	Okay, just pause.
	This one is such bullshit.
	She lives in Yonkers, which is near us in Westchester.
	It's a shithole.
	I have friends in Yonkers.
	I know they're watching right now.
	You'll concede that it's not the nicest place on earth.
	I think DMX is from Yonkers.
	But anyway, she's from Yonkers.
	She's got some stupid disease with bone marrow and stuff.
	She's clearly just playing the field so she can be on reality TV.
	She's not a lesbian.
	She's a lug, a lesbian until graduation.
	And she's taking advantage of this poor, stupid Australian lesbian who thinks she's going to get some of this sweet tits.
	But fuck is she beautiful?
	I think she's an eight.
	Although her body is very panini sandwich.
	She has like an Asian chick's body.
	No offense, Ryan.
	Panini sandwich.
	Somebody from across the world, and that's somebody.
	Smoke show, huh?
	And then this is that's the lesbian.
	This one is boring.
	I didn't really watch this one.
	He's a celebrity in Nigeria.
	No, he's not.
	He's a celebrity in Nigeria.
	First of all, that's an oxymoron.
	I did not think I would find love on social media.
	Williams, he'd just say hi.
	He'd put a rose beside my name.
	Oh.
	I mean, how can you not fall in love with somebody to do that to you every day?
	How lonely are you when someone puts a rose next to your name?
	Okay, so this chief, right?
	He's got a super hot ex in Knoxville.
	Oh, there's Big N. Just pause.
	This is too much at once.
	He's got a super hot chick back in Knoxville, Tennessee that would love to have him.
	But instead he goes to Russia.
	You know who you can get in Russia?
	Anyone.
	Anyone at all.
	Walk down the street in Russia and just go, you?
	And she go, oh, thank you so much.
	I can't wait to go to America.
	Same with fucking Thailand.
	Like, I understand why this guy is in, well, maybe he's in the Philippines.
	Where's that?
	What's the place where they have the president who's killing all the drug dealers?
	He's a total awesome Nazi guy.
	He's like Pinochet.
	I think it's the Philippines.
	Anyway, he goes to the Philippines, And that makes a lot more sense to me.
	Although, even in that scenario, like, she's not that attractive.
	She's like a 5.9 or something.
	Yeah, that's the guy.
	He's the boss of the Philippines, right?
	Yeah.
	Filipino president Duterte.
	Filipino boss.
	Awesome.
	Awesome, dude.
	There he is, kicking ass and taking names.
	Well, they have a lot to deal with there.
	They have a lot of major prostitution problems.
	I think this chick may have been a prostitute.
	But even with both of those things come on, let's say she used to be a prostitute, right?
	And I understand that he represents America and a green card and her son can have a life and money.
	Even with all that, he's still a two.
	Like, is America worth fucking a two for the rest of your life?
	Maybe she's been a prostitute for so long that she can just lie underneath anyone and doesn't feel anything.
	So sure, I don't care.
	He could be anyone.
	But I don't know.
	You still have eyeballs.
	You still have friends.
	Ugh.
	Honest with Rose about my appearance.
	You like?
	Did she say yes or no?
	That was like a yes.
	I don't know.
	I'm not exactly honest with Rose about my appearance.
	You like?
	He's five feet tall.
	He's got to grow a beard and have a suit on.
	He has no shoulders.
	Look, you got to create the illusion of shoulders, shoulderless gentlemen.
	And this bitch, she's what?
	An 8.2?
	Why is she going to the third world to find a man?
	I'll fuck her.
	His time with women.
	Saw your phone had 68 text messages.
	That means I'm busy.
	You've never even seen this man.
	I'm totally uninterested in the black chick.
	He said the camera's broken so he can see me, but I can't see him.
	Yeah, no, boring, boring, boring.
	And this one's boring, too.
	Like, he clearly just wants you for your money.
	This one's interesting.
	He didn't feel comfortable.
	Okay.
	I don't trust Tom.
	I feel like he's a good one.
	Look what she did to her fucking face, though.
	You have to tell me.
	She's ruined herself.
	I'm worried about you.
	I don't think it's safe to go.
	With my health condition, a common cold can kill me.
	It's such a risk.
	Why are you doing this?
	What ethnicity is that?
	I cannot deal with it.
	All right, so can we fast forward a bit?
	I'm mostly interested in Big Ed.
	I want to see Big Ed.
	There he is.
	Wait, what's his job?
	Photographer?
	Oh, my God.
	Booch Alice.
	Nice.
	I think someone involved.
	I'm from San Diego, California.
	And I am a professional photographer.
	Oh, my God.
	Right there.
	Right there.
	Beautiful.
	That's perfect.
	Oh, my God.
	Nice, nice.
	Nice.
	Hold on.
	I actually gave myself the name Big Ed.
	Yeah, I know.
	Perfect.
	Because I have a huge personality and it makes me feel tall.
	That's the money.
	Look at this.
	What disease is that?
	And by the way, folks at home, if you have this disease, grow the biggest beard imaginable.
	Like, grow it out to here.
	And then we just need a blazer to deal with this bizarre turtle shell body and pants, and I think we'll be okay.
	You can hide a lot of your disgustingness, you fucking freak.
	By the way, he's not a photographer.
	He has girls come by and he takes pictures of them for free and gives it to them for their portfolio.
	And then he has this big litany of hot girls that no one hires him to use.
	He has no function in society other than blowing his dad's inheritance, shooting hot chicks.
	That's the money.
	Nice.
	Also, it's funny because I'm not tall.
	Yeah, we got it.
	Good job.
	How could you be so shitty on the outside and on the inside?
	I'm kidding.
	No.
	My height is something that I'm very self-conscious of.
	But it's something that I've been able to overcome because I'm big head.
	You guys agree.
	You haven't overcome it, dude.
	You went to the third world to get a date.
	Teddy, this is not about you.
	Teddy is my best friend.
	Let's hear more about Teddy.
	Good boy.
	I cannot think about it.
	Okay, fast forward.
	See if he can get to the Ukrainian.
	Is this the last episode?
	Says that he bought lunch for his Filipino girlfriend.
	That'd be funny if when she moves, the first thing she does is cook him a beautiful feast.
	And he's like, where's Teddy, by the way?
	No, do we have the Ukrainian guy?
	Maybe it's not in this episode.
	Oh, what a fucking.
	Do you know he puts mayonnaise in his hair?
	No, I think people are saying that as a joke.
	No.
	He really does?
	There's an episode where he moisturizes his scalp with mayonnaise?
	He's mayonnaise.
	So this is hitting a commercial right here, so I'll let that play, mute it.
	Okay.
	And find that clip for you.
	Yeah, he looks pretty good for 60.
	And I was looking at his hair last night, and I'm thinking, is it possible to be 60 and to have dark brown hair?
	A full, full head, like way more than me.
	Nothing suspicious happening up here at all.
	Zero.
	And not one gray hair anywhere at the age of 60.
	Basically Ryan's hair at 60.
	I don't think that's possible.
	I know I've definitely never seen that.
	I hang out with 60-year-olds.
	I go to the Knights of Columbus.
	There are a few who have held onto their hair.
	Few 70-year-olds, few 60-year-olds, I know, but it's fucking white as a ghost.
	I don't know any old dude with dark brown hair.
	By the way, this is an informative news show, isn't it?
	It's a lifestyle show.
	We also have a fun guest on the show tonight, Survival Steve.
	I think he had to change his name from Survival Steve.
	I know him as Survival Steve, but I believe now he's called Wilderness Steve because a Minecraft character is called Survival Steve and it swallowed up all his Googles.
	You got to be pretty popular to compete with Minecraft.
	What about that shitty version you had that had the picture of it?
	No, we don't need other, Well, I guess you can show me Survival Steve.
	Thanks.
	Yes.
	We have another one.
	Because I wanted To ask him, I wanted to break down exactly what we should do if it's Armageddon and our house burns down and we're stuck in the forest fighting for our lives, unarmed.
	That's a little piece I added in, although you know we'd all be armed.
	And I want to prioritize, you know, hunting.
	Oh my fucking God.
	What?
	You don't like David Lee Roth?
	That's a disease.
	Now I feel bad.
	I'm getting ready to get on a plane and go meet Rose, the love of my life, for the very first time.
	How are you getting ready?
	Oh, there's Britain.
	I'm so excited.
	Because I also bought a ring and I plan to ask Rose to marry me.
	To marry me?
	Oh, look how much that is.
	Oh, Lord.
	Doesn't that make you want to barf?
	Since I met Rose, I want to look young for her.
	So I have dry my hair and it irritates my scalp.
	So I found out that mayonnaise makes it smoother and less dry.
	I don't think you need quite that much, dude.
	I'm self-conscious.
	Say that was true.
	I'm sure a tablespoon would be sufficient as opposed to two cups.
	31 years younger.
	Rose, I start on eating bite.
	If I was Rose's dad, I'd say, fuck the green card.
	You can do better than that.
	And she could.
	She could get someone that's not a freak, like a Barnum and Bailey circus freak who gets drunk and puts mayonnaise in his head.
	This isn't the guy I want, though, Rye.
	Remember when we first started looking?
	No, not that guy.
	It's the same bullshit, but at least this guy's met the fucking girl.
	It might not be in this particular episode.
	Remember when we were preparing for the show, you pulled up an episode that I didn't like because it had stickers on it and shit?
	That one.
	We haven't even begun the show yet.
	We have Wilderness Steve.
	We also have a nice collection of screaming feminists.
	Then we'll take a brief look at our daily Tiger King fix.
	Then there's the mailbag.
	And of course, we end with a fantastic video.
	Fucking losers.
	I gotta say, though, I watched this at about 12.30 and then I went to bed.
	And my dreams were just dirty.
	Oh, go back.
	Go back.
	That's the girl that the Texan guy, the southerner dude, the Knoxville, Tennessee guy.
	Not her, but the one that you saw on the phone.
	That's the one he let go to go find a Ukrainian.
	Yeah, there she is.
	Look at her.
	I can't hear it.
	There's still ads planned from our TLC.
	Wait, well, delete that.
	We're not watching that anymore.
	Okay.
	And make this bigger so we don't see the stupid stickers.
	Timing was never our trend.
	But I know that you still have time there.
	You went to Russia?
	You're a handsome guy with some muscles.
	And she's helping him deal with this relationship because he found out that the Russian is, believe it or not, still meeting other dudes, talking to other Americans online that are sending her shit.
	Well, what do you know?
	But keeps going through that episode.
	You got to see this fucking dude.
	I'm sorry to drag this out, folks.
	But I'm indulging myself.
	Don't worry about blowing it up.
	Just worry about the brown-haired guy.
	Well, you have a great day.
	And I'll chat with you again soon, okay?
	Thanks.
	There he is.
	There he is.
	Okay, how is a 60-year-old have this hair?
	Right?
	That can't be real.
	Anya.
	Or you think wig?
	Yeah.
	Hi, how are you doing?
	Anya is the one real friend that I had to get.
	I guess it could be white hair dyed brown.
	And she knows all about my history with Lana.
	Just stop.
	Just for the right.
	This is my favorite one by far.
	And believe me, it's worth it.
	He's been dating Lana.
	That's not Lana.
	That's just someone he happens to know in Ukraine.
	I don't know who the fuck knows anyone in Ukraine, but he's been dating Lana for seven years.
	Twice they've tried to meet up, once at a cruise, once in, I don't know, Azerbaijan or some shit.
	This is the third time.
	He just went to the train station.
	She didn't show up.
	And he was really psyched, and he had a ring and everything.
	So he's meeting a friend now to ask what he should do next.
	And she's a rational, intelligent human being who says, get the fuck out of here.
	All about my history with Lana.
	So what's happened?
	So you know that I was here to see Lana.
	Yeah.
	I was at the train station yesterday and she didn't show up.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I was only too surprised.
	I looked everywhere.
	She said she was going to arrive in a blue dress.
	I never saw a blue dress.
	I'm so sorry about this.
	It's just like a cripplingly low IQ, right?
	That's what all this show has in common.
	Everyone there has an IQ of, I would say, like below Ryan's, like 70.
	It's a 69, 70, 71 IQ range.
	That's what we're seeing here.
	71.
	Because every other rational person would just go, oh, I have this supposed girlfriend in Ukraine.
	It's probably bullshit.
	It's been over a week.
	Not seven years.
	Seven years.
	Before, why do you think this time she will come?
	Well, before there were always reasons, I thought.
	Do you think it's normal?
	She's not serious.
	It's really crazy that David is totally in love and he doesn't see what is going on.
	Maybe she didn't show up because somebody's exactly like our black guy.
	Exactly.
	For the money, they're fake, they're not real, they're just lying.
	I've got him on the chat site, and she's not logged in right now.
	I fear that something happened to her, something's wrong with her.
	That's what happened.
	She was kidnapped.
	So, I really think that what I want to do is drive out to her city.
	Imagine Roger Stone on this show.
	I was trying to meet her, but she said she would be wearing a blue dress.
	Of course, she wasn't there.
	So, I would look for her.
	I opened up a garbage can lid to see if she was hiding.
	That's a fun thing to do.
	She was not there.
	So, I'm forced to believe she's catfishing me and try and find her.
	Where is Lona living?
	She lives in a little city called Pavlograd.
	Yes, sure, she does.
	I think it's a little bit strange because you don't know exactly her address.
	I think I do.
	We're going to take last year.
	She had to give me her address for the registration, and she gave me an address that is in Pavlograt.
	It's really a long way to go there, and the roads between Odessa and Pavlograt are really very bad.
	It's a bit dangerous.
	Maybe it's I don't know, but to stop this.
	By the way, just because she sent you an address to register on a bullshit cruise that she had no intention of going on doesn't mean she fucking lives there.
	It means she went plop.
	Or is she the guy that's running her account?
	I'm going to be able to ask the questions and get answers is to be in front of her.
	I'm worried about David.
	Do you think she likes him and she's just he's not seeing it?
	Great question.
	I don't know.
	I know she's rational.
	She's probably like, I was interested in him slightly and I would love to go to America, but his IQ is to the point where I'm not sure that he could feed himself and make sandwich and remember to shower and wash.
	So, for example, he wears wig.
	And it's very obvious when you see that it is cheap wig.
	Anyway, that's enough.
	This is, oh, we're too close on the bookshelf.
	These women who are doing these rip-offs, too, you know, it's not them.
	What happens is they get maybe 800 bucks for a bunch of pictures taken in profile, blah, blah, blah.
	Then they have to pose with a blank piece of paper that you can then put emails on saying, hey, I got your email.
	Hi, Darren.
	I care about you.
	You just put that on in Photoshop.
	And then if the guy sticks around, they probably get like $100 a month or less, right?
	So it's like prostitution in many ways.
	The pimp is the guy who wins.
	And it reminds me of this guy I discovered.
	I'm sorry I didn't prepare him in the notes, but I'm meaning to get to him for days.
	Jordan Peterson's daughter is dating, quite conceivably, the biggest douche in the world.
	His Twitter feed has to be seen to be believed.
	It's him posing in front of cars in his awesome mansion and talking about how rich he is and what a badass he is.
	He had this tweet where he talked about how I've never seen any of the Star Wars and I have no interests in checking him out.
	Never have, never will.
	I'm also a millionaire with a Ferrari who has about 10 chicks madly in love with him.
	So you can keep your movie.
	I'll keep my lifestyle.
	Did you find him?
	Is that him?
	What do you got there?
	No, because she posts a lot of people from getting fit from being fed.
	Yeah, no, no, no, look up Jordan Peterson's daughter's boyfriend.
	Why would you look up Jordan Peterson's?
	Hmm.
	Hey, I don't think Cult Leader rapping boyfriend?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, Colt Leader.
	He's basically a sex trafficker.
	Because what he does is he has these.
	Who's this clown now?
	Wow, she's hot.
	Jordan Peterson was on a bunch of fucking meds.
	Oh, no, that's...
	Some guy talking about...
	What happened in that fucking house?
	No, that's Owen Benjamin.
	Yeah, we know him.
	This guy is gas central.
	How weird to have a high-pitched voice and be talking about...
	Is this him?
	Mr. Plenty Money.
	No, there he is.
	That's him.
	Oh, wow.
	Look at him.
	Has he got his thumb up?
	He's pointing at the car, yeah.
	Oh, it's like this.
	Like, check out what's behind me.
	A baby blue Bentley.
	I'd be embarrassed to drive that car.
	Now, there's a lot of dudes out there who teach pickup art.
	I think the accent's fake.
	I think he's fake.
	Is he pretend?
	No, like, I don't know.
	He's from Chicago.
	They said he's American British.
	Something he's, you can see because he gives American British.
	Davey Crocco.
	Let's see.
	So what he does is he has cam girls.
	And it's the same thing.
	Women are not good at business.
	Remember yesterday when we had that woman who's making basically the equivalent of 220 grand a year and had $100 in the bank?
	So I think women naturally, when they're in these stupid professions like cam girl or Ukrainian whore, they just sort of go, you handle my, just give me like a nice purse once in a while.
	Just like in a marriage, right?
	Just make sure there's a roof over my head and I'm safe and you handle all the finances.
	I don't want to have to worry about that.
	So what he does is he has these cam girls, and this is him talking, by the way.
	I'm not, this isn't a theory.
	And he says he throws them a few bones and then he rakes in and he goes, oh, during this epidemic, I'm totally raking it in because everyone's at home jerking it and I'm fucking rocking out.
	And I give them a mere pittance, but I'm a millionaire.
	Andrew Tate.
	There he is in bed with a super hot chick.
	Are you sure you got the right guy?
	Yes, Andrew Tate.
	That was interesting.
	Let's see his Twitter.
	It just goes to show you if you're arrogant and brave, you can be a fucking retarded douche.
	Be brave.
	You'll still get a Girl as hot as Jordan Peterson's daughter.
	Stop working.
	There he is.
	Mr. Plenty.
	Yes.
	Thank you.
	Oh, there's the tweet I was talking about.
	Go down?
	Never seen Star Wars.
	None of them.
	Never will.
	OMG, you're missing out.
	Maybe.
	You're missing out on being a multi-millionaire, which, by the way, is one word.
	Keep your movie.
	And there he is at the Bentley dealership standing next to a Bentley.
	I hope that's yours.
	What a fucking shitty color.
	Wouldn't you be embarrassed?
	Well, not you, but I would be embarrassed to have a baby blue Bentley in my driveway.
	Keep going.
	Not your car.
	It has my last name, Tate.
	Smoking a Camacho cigar.
	Imagine you have a Bentley and you argue on Twitter with people who don't think it's yours.
	Yes, it is.
	Look at me, man.
	His steering wheel's on the wrong side.
	That's weird.
	You're still bald.
	You still have less hair than our Ukrainian dream friend.
	You cannot buy hair, my friend.
	Look at this.
	Look at lifestyle.
	Evan who's ever watched Star Wars in human history is absolutely dirt poor.
	No exceptions.
	Are we still talking about Star Wars?
	Wait, is this a...
	Go up there.
	Go up.
	Everyone who's ever watched Star Wars in human history is absolutely dirt poor.
	No exceptions.
	Only I can save you.
	I teach you how to make money online here.
	And then look at his lifestyle we have.
	I thought that was a black dildo.
	Where?
	Right there.
	Let's see the pictures, though.
	Let's see this awesome lifestyle.
	Here I am smoking blunts with girls who have great asses and awesome tits.
	I don't know if you're a boob man or a tip man or just a pothead.
	I got it all.
	There I am on my boat, which is super awesome that I just bring four chicks onto.
	Here's me simping over here.
	Here's me simping over there.
	You know the problem with that thing?
	No offense, ladies, but after you're done fucking, which is like, let's go crazy and say half an hour.
	That's crazy.
	Now you want to, now you want to sit and have a beer and talk to people on your awesome boat and you're stuck with four, oh my God, chicks who are like, can you fucking believe this?
	And they're talking about hair and clothes and makeup and photographers and their favorite shows.
	And there you are going, please kill me now.
	Because with prostitutes, you can send them home.
	When you're on a boat, you're stuck.
	That's his accountant.
	This is accountant?
	Where's Jordan Peterson's daughter in any of these?
	Because if I was Jordan Peterson's, if I was Jordan Peterson, I'd be super bummed.
	This is 2019.
	These are all posted 2019.
	These are all Star Wars.
	These are all from the Star Wars.
	This one is not.
	So he's retweeting himself.
	No, but this is all linked.
	This is all a thread from the Star Wars.
	Ah, ah.
	He's like, go ahead and watch your nerd movies.
	Yeah, Star Wars does suck, but is it an ultimatum?
	Either you be a Russian Coke dealer or you watch Star Wars.
	All right.
	Let's get serious here.
	We've had too much fucking around.
	I want to get to survivalist Steve, Wilderness Steve.
	Steve, what's his real name?
	Clayton?
	Clater.
	Clater.
	And he runs a school, really, in Florida.
	I don't know where.
	Pensacola, I want to say.
	No, it was like Papalapagopoulos.
	Papalapadopoulos, Florida, where it's a survivalist course.
	And those are important, not because you learn how to hunt a deer.
	You're never going to catch a deer.
	But you'll learn what weeds you can eat without getting chronic diarrhea and what mushrooms you can eat without dying of hallucinations.
	And I think that's an important thing to do.
	But I want to talk to him.
	There he is hanging out with that dude.
	What's his name?
	Cody.
	That's the weird dude who only wears bare feet on his survival show.
	Cody London.
	I'm not starting a fire.
	That's way too hard.
	But I think it's important to figure out what exactly our priorities are if the world does end and we have nothing but the clothes on our back and the kids by our side.
	Let me fuck you with my heels.
	Oh, yes.
	Let me ride.
	Survival Steve, are you there?
	I'm here.
	Where is there?
	Here is in Okawaha, Florida.
	And what are you doing out there?
	Just surviving?
	Yeah, typically.
	I'm socially distancing right now out here watering the hogs and feeding them and watering the garden.
	Okay, so you're a rural dude.
	You're at home.
	I am.
	What if we become rural dudes, not by choice?
	That's what I wanted to get into today.
	So you take my family.
	I got three kids.
	Plop.
	We're in the woods right now.
	It's around 40 degrees.
	Probably go down to 30 tonight, up to 50 in the day.
	What's the first thing we do?
	First thing you got to do is maintain a positive mental attitude.
	That's number one.
	Keep the kids happy.
	Tell them, hey guys, this is crazy, isn't it?
	You know, don't tell them it's bad.
	It's horrible.
	It sucks.
	We're going to die.
	Just tell them, hey, it's crazy.
	But I think we can get through this.
	Here's what we're going to try to do.
	You've got to keep that positive mental attitude.
	Second thing you're going to have to do is create some kind of a shelter that's going to keep you guys warm at night and make sure that if it rains, you're not going to get wet.
	Because the only thing that sucks more than being freezing cold is being wet and freezing cold.
	That'll zap it out of you quick.
	Okay, so we're here in the northeast.
	So it's mostly pine trees, some poplars, the odd maple, spruce.
	Should our lean to just be like a wall like this?
	No, you actually want to close in the sides a little bit too if you can.
	So you want to make sure you have a lot of leaves, gather a bunch of leaves that you're going to have around you, and you want to make a bed out of all those leaves.
	And that's going to insulate you from the cold ground.
	So the bedding is going to be really important.
	And if you couldn't build a roof on your shelter, the bedding is going to be most important.
	You could just take all those leaves, make a huge pile of them, jump in it, and then cover yourself up.
	And what you're doing is you're creating different pockets of air that create different temperate zones and work like insulation.
	So that's going to help you stay a little bit warm.
	But if you could build a shelter, you would actually want like a lean-to-type shelter, or what we call a debris shelter, where you can have a roof that slants down.
	But then you also want walls on the sides, and you want to cover that with leaves as well.
	And if you can, somewhere a little bit distant, probably about Five yards away from your shelter because it's made out of a whole bunch of fire tender.
	You don't want your fire too close.
	You want to build a fire with a reflection wall to reflect the heat back towards you.
	Like out of stone.
	You can use stone.
	Some people just stick two stakes in the ground over here and two stakes in the ground over here, and then they stack logs up inside those stakes and then tie them together top.
	And what that does is just creates a wooden firewall.
	What's on my roof?
	What is my roof made of?
	Leaves?
	They're going to blow away.
	Well, you would think so, but they actually stay pretty close.
	If it's going to be windy, you can put your layer of sticks and then you can put leaves and then you can put more branches and sticks on top of that.
	So that'll help to keep them on there.
	But it does kind of squish down the insulation a little bit.
	So if you can, use boughs of like pine trees is really good.
	Pine boughs are really good for your bedding as well.
	They're really springy and kind of comfortable to lay on.
	Pine boughs, aren't those spiky?
	You would think they'd be a little spiky.
	On the tips of them, they're spiky, but when you're laying down and you got clothes on, which if it's 40s and going to be in the 30s, you're probably going to have some insulated clothes on anyways, you're not going to feel it.
	Oh, cool.
	So the top of, are there pine branches on the top of my lean to?
	You can't, yes.
	So you want to have basically.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	You want to have a variety of stuff.
	So your uprights hold your trusses that go down at an angle that creates your leaning area.
	And then across that leaning area, you want to put a whole bunch of sticks going across it to where you can put all the leaves on top and they won't just fall through.
	Okay.
	And another good thing about a family of five is we're all going to insulate each other when we're in that pile of leaves tonight.
	Absolutely.
	You guys are going to metabolize even as you're sleeping and generate heat that's going to help keep you warm.
	Okay.
	You're going to need a pretty big shelter to fit all five of you in, but you don't want it too big.
	The bigger the shelter, the more cold air can come in.
	The smaller the shelter, the easier it is to keep your warm air inside.
	Now, every time I watch Naked and Afraid, the hardest part seems to be starting a fire.
	It's tough.
	It's very tough.
	Even in ideal conditions, I trained with Cody Lundine out in Arizona, and he's a fire master.
	And he taught me the only guarantee is there's never a guarantee with fire by friction.
	If your hearth sweat, if there's any humidity in the air, if you drip some sweat off the tip of your nose because you're working really hard at getting that fire by friction set going, all that can put an end to it.
	So fire by friction is tough.
	And then a lot of people don't know the basics of building a regular fire, just a healthy, easy-to-light fire that will continue to burn and maintain itself.
	Yeah, you got to start with the leaves, whatever, the kindling, small, tiny branches, and then slowly work your way up to bigger stuff.
	Absolutely.
	I always stick a stick in the ground at an angle, and then I put my tender on top of that, and I call that the mouth of the fire.
	Fire has to eat, and it has to breathe oxygen.
	So you got to leave the mouth open so it can get some oxygen.
	Once I put that stick in the ground at an angle, I put my tender on top of that, and then I teach my students to use the three Ps.
	You want pencil-led size sticks, and then you want pencil-sized sticks, and then you want pinky-sized sticks.
	And you'll start with a tender, then a whole bunch of the pencil-led size sticks, then the pencil, and then the pinky.
	And you want to make sure that before you start your fire, you have all that gathered and piled up and ready to go, as well as your cord wood that you're going to use to keep your fire burning.
	The last thing you want to do is start it, and then be scrambling to have wood to keep feeding it, to keep it going.
	You know, a handy way to remember that is under Sharia law, you can beat your wife with a stick about as wide as your pinky.
	So that's like a handy way to remember it.
	I don't know if that's a great way to remember it.
	Okay.
	You know, I saw some infomercial that had this thing that has a little keychain, and you pull it out, and it's like a permanent match, and it can't be put out unless you put it back in the chamber.
	That sounds like the most, like I've got a Leatherman on me at all times, but that sounds like a much more valuable tool is that Firestarter thingy.
	I love a good multi-tool, Leatherman, Gerber.
	Both of those make some really good multi-tools.
	But the little, you're talking about the forever match.
	And I used to sell those in my store, but I stopped.
	And the reason is, number one, they take fluid.
	And even with a little rubber gasket that they come with, a lot of times that fluid evaporates and dries up out of it.
	It's just like Zippo fluid, same lighter fluid.
	And it has a little cotton wick on the end of it that you can restuff in there, put a new one, or you can pull it out.
	But the best fire starter, in my opinion, is the magnesium fire starters.
	Purefire Tactical makes a great magnesium fire starter that they warranty and guarantee.
	And I don't like the cheap $3 and $4 rectangular magnesium fire starters.
	Get the ones that are more pure-grade magnesium because that pure magnesium is a lot easier to shave and a lot easier to light.
	It burns about 4,000 degrees.
	Slow down.
	Slow down.
	You sound like porky pig.
	The high-grade magnesium, what was the name of the company?
	Purefire Tactical.
	Pure Fire Tactical.
	And don't get the cheap one.
	How much is the one we should get?
	They're about $25 to $30.
	$25 to $30.
	Okay.
	So I'm going to skip the whole like thing.
	That looks way too hard.
	I'm going to buy a Pure Fire Tactical.
	Have that ready.
	And so I've got the Lean 2.
	My leaf bed is there.
	I've built a wall of rock and dirt so we don't light ourselves on fire.
	Now it's, and we had a good night last night.
	It was pretty good.
	We were insulated.
	Now my kids are getting hungry.
	And I remember, remember that movie, Into the Wild, the book?
	Oh, yes.
	So he was eating some sort of weed that ended up being a diuretic or something, and he died of dehydration.
	Was that the story?
	I think he was actually, he became paralyzed.
	Oh, right.
	Yeah, I think it caused him to get paralyzed.
	So it's really important to study the native plants that are in your specific area.
	Down here in Florida where I'm at, we use pretty much cambium pine bark, heart of palm, like cabbage palm.
	Right.
	Cattail is really good.
	Green briar, muscadine grape leaves and grapes.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	Cattail, the thing that we used to play with as swords as kids?
	Kind of, yeah.
	So it's got the big corndog-looking thing on the top of it.
	So what you eat, you don't eat the corn dog-looking thing at the top.
	You find the one that doesn't have the corndog.
	It's just a bunch of leaves where the cattails are.
	You spread the outside leaves apart, and then you pull out the middle part, and now at the end, you'll see A white piece about yay long, and you can actually eat that.
	It's like a mix between cucumber and celery.
	It's watery like cucumber, tastes a little bit like it, but fibrous like celery.
	Oh, good.
	Okay, do you happen to know about the northeast up here?
	Oh, well, I imagine some of the things that we have here you would have there too, such as pine, and you can eat cambium pine bark.
	Now, it's not the most palatable thing in the world.
	It's very fibrous, I'm sure you can imagine.
	And it tastes like you're eating pine wood.
	Could sustain you.
	And you're going to have wild berries that grow there, but berries are tricky.
	If you're not a professional, don't eat them, just like mushrooms.
	We teach students that all mushrooms are edible, but some of them are only edible once.
	And if you don't know which ones are which, just don't do it.
	Yeah, I don't want to risk it with mushrooms or berries.
	So now all I'm doing is my family's eating pine.
	This is getting nervous.
	I'm getting nervous here.
	I'm not worried about freezing to death anymore.
	I'm worried about starving to death.
	Right.
	So one of the things that we teach in survival is preparing.
	Anytime you're going to go out, prepare and take everything that you can possibly imagine you might need with you.
	The Marines teach two is one and one is none.
	And we follow that motto as well.
	We bring a backup of things.
	But you've got to look at the plant life that's local to your area and find out what's edible around there.
	Most every neighborhood or city that I've been to has had some type of educational program like Eat the Weeds, where you can actually go out and walk around with someone.
	They'll take you on a hike and teach you edible weeds and plants that are in the area, like plantain and dandelion and different things like that.
	Yeah, and I guess with mushrooms, if you're well educated enough, you can eat the psilocybins and then realize, you know, just the adults, realize that we're all living organisms on a planet, each sharing the same oxygen.
	And God made us with cells where we can see through time and see through space if we only recognize our inner powers.
	That's good.
	You might could do that, or you might end up fighting dragons and running away from your kids.
	So probably not a great idea.
	The kids start crying because you're fighting an invisible dragon with cattail swords.
	All right.
	It sounds like the worst case scenario here is the starving to death part.
	I'm not really scared of anything else.
	So the priorities we teach are positive mental attitude, shelter, water, food, and then fire.
	Fire can bump up in the line.
	If you need to purify water, you need the fire to do so, then to boil the water, then you need to move fire ahead of food.
	If it's freezing cold outside and you've got food, but you're freezing, then of course fire is going to take priority over water and food.
	But water actually comes before food.
	You can go a couple of days without food without losing your dexterity and your ability to move and function.
	You can only go a couple of days without water doing any type of strenuous activity such as building shelter and metabolizing and breaking down the food and proteins in your body without water.
	Your hands are going to start to cramp up or you're going to have to lift your fingers and spread them apart.
	You're going to get a tension headache in the back of your skull that's brought on by heat exhaustion or dehydration.
	There's all kinds of things.
	Down in Florida, we have to worry about a lot of heat exhaustion.
	Up there, you guys probably got to worry about being cold more than anything.
	Yeah, we're doing great for water.
	I used to go tree planting in northern Canada, and the instructors told us, if water's cold and it's moving, you're good.
	But I've learned recently that's not true.
	Not true.
	If you can see the source of the water, where it's coming out of the ground or out of the rock and it's cold and moving, then you're probably safe.
	In military survival, they teach you to go a mile downstream and check the area because there could be something dead.
	If you walk a mile upstream and you don't see anything and you drink the water, there could be something right around the bend that you didn't see.
	You've got to think about the parts per million that are in that water.
	But then again, we don't recommend drinking any water without purifying it unless you're pretty much looking and knocking on death's door.
	At that point, yes, you can drink water that you can't purify because if you don't get it into your body, you're probably going to die soon.
	And it's going to take six to 12 hours for some of those bacteria or those pathogens to give you dysentery anyways.
	So there is a point where you're eventually going to have to drink the water if you don't have a means of purification.
	But if you can purify it in any way, that is always recommended.
	And boiling is by far the best way.
	Okay, so the message I'm getting here is either take a course or learn about the weeds you can eat or you guys in the Northeast are going to starve to death.
	Yes.
	Get some education, get some training.
	Once you have it up here, nobody can take that from you.
	It lightens your pack because you have more knowledge and you can get a lot further with the items you have because you can stretch them out by implementing and what's the word I'm looking for?
	You know, adding to from nature to the things that you already have.
	So get some education.
	Even if you self-educate and you just do some research, that's great because like Cody taught me, the more you know, the less you need.
	And I noticed we haven't discussed hunting small game.
	Is there a reason for that?
	Sure.
	In survival, you don't want to spend your time hunting.
	You can get a lot more done by gathering and you can spend time improving your shelter and your living area, putting out passive and active signals for rescue and doing other things if you don't spend time hunting.
	So what you want to focus on is foraging.
	And then if you really need proteins and other things, you need more food because you can't forage enough, then you want to go to trapping.
	You can set 10 to 20 traps per person and those traps will hunt for you during the day and you just check them in the morning and you check them again in the evening and make sure they're all up and working.
	And if you get something, then you've got food.
	If you're out actively hunting during the day, you spend a lot of time and a lot of calories hunting.
	And if you're not proficient with the tool that you're using, say you carve a spear, if you've never thrown a spear in your life, everybody try to go outside and just take a broom handle and unscrew it from the broom and just try to hit something with it, even just dead on.
	And you'll see that it's almost impossible the first couple of times.
	So imagine if you're out in a survival situation, you finally found a rabbit, you throw a spear, you miss the rabbit, and it runs off.
	And there went your food that you spent searching the last three hours for.
	And if it's something like a deer or any larger prey, you don't just have to hit it.
	You have to hit it in the perfect spot.
	Yeah, so a deer, you normally, like when we hunt for a deer with a bow and arrow or with a rifle, you want to hit it in the shoulder if it's broadside to you.
	And you don't want to hit it if it's quartered to you, but if it's quartered away, you can shoot behind the shoulder.
	And a hog, we always tell people shoot them in The ear because their brain's right there in between your ears.
	But yeah, you got to hit them in the right spot.
	And usually throw in something like a spear, you're not going to penetrate something as large as a deer or a hog, anyway.
	I would recommend some type of a small, like a, if you stand up and stretch your arm as far as you can above your head and you find a tree that's nice and straight, you can make a spear and a gig out of that tree.
	You find a nice sapling that's pretty solid.
	And what you'll do is on the big end of it, you'll carve a very small and sharp point.
	And you can use that point for force defense against a wild animal or predatory animal should it try to come near you.
	Most of them you can scare away with sound and by being loud and noisy and telling them, hey, go away.
	But number one is situational awareness.
	Pay attention to what's around you so you don't accidentally walk up on a large predatory animal and scare it.
	But on the other end of that spear, you could create, you take it and split it on the end, split it one way and the other way like a cross or an X, or you can split it multiple times.
	And then you take little twigs and you put them in between those splits and it'll open it up and you make a gig.
	So now you can fish or go for frogs and stuff like that with that gig.
	I've also seen the Indians have a sort of catapult system where they do a kajooy thing with the spear to give it more velocity.
	Right.
	It's called an outlattl.
	And it adds momentum and leverage.
	You're using science.
	I mean, even back then, that was their science, but it gives a lot more momentum by using a leverage point to where you can speed that up super fast.
	And you'll see when it throws, it'll actually wobble in the air a little bit before it straightens out in that slight pattern.
	But I mean, those guys had it down.
	I mean, they had to figure out years and years of hunting for animals in the wild.
	They really got it.
	But what are those things called something that you haven't used in practice?
	What's an adelatl?
	Adelatyl.
	Okay, sorry to interrupt you.
	Last question.
	When you watch Naked and Afraid, what is the most frustrating part of that show for you as a survivalist?
	Okay, the things that they have people do for ratings, the things that on this is any survival show, the things that they'll have people do to make people laugh or make people think something's crazy.
	A lot of people take those shows at face value and think that the things that people do on those shows are what you should do in a survival situation.
	And wrestling an alligator for food or jumping from this cliff to that cliff is not what we call risk mitigation.
	That's taking an unnecessary risk.
	They could definitely put your life in danger or at least, at the very least, seriously injure or maim you, which severely decreases your chances of survival.
	So I hate to see the things that they do on those shows and they put it out there into the public world and then people see it and think that it's something that they should do.
	Second to that would be the people that get ate up by bugs and mosquitoes when they could just get some mud or some clay and then slather themselves in mud and clay.
	It doesn't stop the persistent buzzing in your ear that aggravates the bejesus out of you, but it'll at least stop them from penetrating your skin.
	They also seem to spend a lot of time hunting.
	They do.
	I mean, trapping is the way to go.
	If you've got any kind of cordage or you can make a trapped.
	You were saying earlier not to hunt because it burns up too much calories, but naked and afraid, like half the show is some poor bastard with a spear missing.
	Yeah, trying to hunt.
	And that's, I mean, it's just like I said, it's not ideal.
	You're teaching society that that's the way to do it.
	And in a survival situation, you don't want to hunt.
	It's using up too much calories and too much of your time during the day and setting those traps.
	Even if you set pit traps, you can set snares, you can set deadfalls, all kinds of traps that you can set.
	And you spend those calories one time and you let those traps work for you while you're doing other stuff, gathering firewood, foraging for food, getting drinkable water, stuff like that.
	Okay.
	This is my takeaway from our discussion.
	I am going to get a magnesium lighter and some Kansas Chef boy RD, and I feel a lot safer now.
	I think you'll do fine.
	You've got the mentality.
	You're going to educate yourself and prepare yourself the best you can.
	You'll do great.
	Thanks, Survival Steve.
	Hey, no problem, man.
	Thank you guys.
	Y'all got any other questions?
	Just check out the website, NorthFloridasurvival.com or give us a call.
	Will do.
	Thanks, buddy.
	Thanks for coming on the show.
	Sweat my balls off.
	I got my legs open so I...
	Mike!
	I want to feed you deep inside.
	Come on!
	I'm kind of jealous that women get to spread their legs during lovemaking.
	What if I want to spread my legs?
	Make love to me.
	Ride my ding-dong.
	I have my legs spread so wide, which isn't that wide because I'm not that flexible, but still.
	Why are women the only ones who get to spread their legs?
	I guess you could.
	I saw this feminist screaming in Seattle.
	There's some dude.
	Now, in her defense, there's these pro-life groups in Seattle.
	They get on their bullhorns, and I think they go to like 1 a.m.
	By the way, I'm an expert in gay face.
	This woman is not gay.
	She's a chubby Jew who was having trouble getting laid, and then she found this identity, and all of a sudden, she didn't get tons of poon per se, but she started getting attention, and she had a culture and a family.
	So she's like, all right, I'm gay now.
	I just don't like to eat pussy or have my pussy eaten by a woman or a scissor.
	But besides the sex part, I'm gay.
	Anyway, listen to her have an intellectual discussion with the guy who doesn't want you to kill babies.
	Why'd you do that?
	Because I can hear you from where I live and I'm fucking tired of it.
	Why?
	Why are you tired of it?
	Isn't it a good thing to do to preach the truth of God?
	It should be loud.
	It should be loud.
	You're fucking loud.
	Got to reach a lot of people.
	You're fucking too loud.
	Got to reach a lot of people.
	This is good news.
	No, you don't.
	Yeah, I do.
	People are in danger of hell.
	babies are being murdered.
	Oh.
	Oh.
	Touching.
	Why do you think that's a good thing to do, man?
	No, that's not what you hear.
	That's not what I'm doing.
	I'm preaching out here.
	I'm preaching truth.
	No.
	And I'm speaking up for babies.
	I don't want to hear.
	Do lesbians have a lot of abortions or gays?
	He wants to go to the eye of the storm where abortion is a real issue, and he goes to a place where men put their dinks in bums and women rub their vaginas Together, or whatever the hell they do.
	That's probably the least abortive place.
	You want to be in like a trailer park or a black neighborhood.
	Why isn't he in the black neighborhood if he's so worried about abortion?
	Probably for the same reason that these people who are out to fight hate focus on the proud boys.
	Because you know, if you focus on an actual hate group like the Aryan Nations, they'd kill you.
	Okay, so she, she, having that reaction, the reason I wanted to make this montage is because it's not unusual.
	And it shows that women are not cut out for confrontation on the most part.
	And you think of women in like the 50s who would never do that.
	They would just say to their brother or their husband, can you do something about that guy screaming?
	It's driving me nuts.
	But we've called all these women badass, kick-ass bitches.
	So they go down and they take on these guys.
	And when the guys return fire in a normal way, oh, I'm annoying you.
	Well, it annoys me, the babies are being killed.
	They come back with, and you go, that's not helping.
	Oh, you found the perfect one.
	This is the first one I ever saw.
	Whoa.
	You had to pull down the volume?
	Oh, yeah.
	I think she breaks character shortly.
	The full-grown woman.
	Oh, yeah, that's yogurt.
	Yeah.
	This is why I don't believe in the legalization of marijuana.
	This is exactly why I don't believe in the legalization.
	What's the yogurt thing?
	It's like a chimp.
	She's just doing everything but crapping on the floor.
	This is what an animal would do.
	Wait, what's that?
	A marker she just wrote on the floor?
	But it was like a pencil.
	Holy shit.
	It was like a crayon.
	She doesn't like the Trump sign.
	Oh, no.
	There you go.
	No.
	Don't make me break characters.
	Let me get back to work.
	She's anti-Trump.
	No, she's anti-sanity.
	Yeah, that's her decision, not mine.
	Yeah, sir, can you make her stop?
	Oh, yeah, sure.
	Okay, so we got one.
	Now let's do the screaming one.
	This chick who looks like a weird albino, she also had to, you know, take on a whole group of people with nothing to say.
	this is how she handled it.
	I'm not even including the one with the reflective gear and the hat who was screaming at the sky after Trump was elected or the whole screaming rally they had where they all screamed.
	I'm focusing mostly on women biting off more than they can chew and having nervous breakdowns in public.
	Is that like Haley Kinison, Sam's daughter?
	USA!
	Yellow eyeshadow.
	Might be jaundice.
	Now let's go to 15.
	This is an oldie but a goodie.
	probably seen this a long time ago.
	Stop it!
	Oh, we should film it.
	Stop it!
	Oh, we should film it.
	Oh, no.
	Oh, no.
	It's on the ground.
	I think that's food, too, or like chocolate milk or something.
	Stop it!
	Oh, we should go home.
	And then finally, that was wait, that was, no, there's more.
	There's two more.
	There's 16.
	This was the one that we were talking about a couple weeks ago where they had a mega tranny.
	See the mega tranny back there?
	And this was the reaction to it.
	Get your hands off me.
	Hands off me.
	Hands off me.
	Get your fucking hands off her.
	Get your hands off me.
	It's your fucking hands out there.
	Oh, you can clap.
	I'm proud of you.
	You're great, I'm so big.
	Fuck yeah!
	Fuck yeah!
	She has no hands on her.
	Hi.
	Diaper baby.
	You're a diaper punch.
	Pretty civilized, huh?
	I'm a fascist radio.
	What do you say?
	a fascist racist?
	It goes, you're ugly.
	That's a MAGA training, by the way.
	And then his comeback is, I'm not ugly.
	yes All right, finally.
	I've never seen somebody whose gender is young John Podesta.
	Finally, let's check out what women do when they are allowed to totally express themselves and not be in a confrontational situation, but just really say what they have to say to the world through their art.
	An irreverent feminist manifesto for the 21st century.
	We played this before.
	To that end, it starts with a scream, or it's actually the cast sing screaming.
	Whether you are an irreverent feminist or not, it does seem to capture some of the spirits of the age.
	The end of human beings, the awesome statement, perhaps.
	So have a listen and have a good night.
	I'm going to have a great night after this.
	Why don't I play it in my bedroom with candles while I go to sleep?
	You forgot the word mayor at the end of night.
	Have a good nightmare.
	Caterauling.
	Is this in an alleyway?
	Screaming
	Wait, there's no rhyme or reason to it either.
	Imagine you paid tickets for this?
	Sitting there in a suit?
	Your wife's so dressed up?
	People out there who are considering suicide, don't do it.
	It's wrong.
	It'll get better.
	You have to have faith.
	However, If you're determined, you might want to sit in the front row of this and just go, oh, for fuck's sake.
	All right, before we get to the mailbag, we have some Tiger King news.
	By the way, I think I may have stolen that joke from Nick Swarzen.
	Nick Swartzen?
	Wait, what?
	Yeah, I think he has a similar bit about just blow your head off for fun.
	Oh, yeah.
	I think I said that.
	But I got a meme there.
	Let me see the meme.
	We should always, the only way we can stay on top of these tiger memes is to show them every day.
	This one says, face timing my hairdresser to ask how I fixed the cut and color I gave myself.
	Wow.
	I think they took some of his earrings out.
	Girls can be funny.
	He usually has four.
	Maybe they limited him.
	How annoying is his fucking dangly eyebrow earring the whole series?
	And it's on such loose skin.
	I think it's a mole.
	I think it's on it.
	It's hanging down.
	God, I wanted to take that out the whole time.
	In one or two scenes, he doesn't have it in.
	And it's a relief.
	All right.
	So this is Gwyneth Paltrow is weighing in on Carol.
	And she also thinks Carol killed her husband.
	It's funny how Carol Baskin did Tiger King thinking she'd get to expose Joe Exotic and Doc Antleph for animal abuse.
	Yet, now all of America is obsessed with Joe and thinks Carol is a murderer.
	That's showbiz, baby.
	And then Gwyneth kind of ignores the point.
	The point of this is when you set it to hurt someone, you can end up, you know, getting blood on your hands.
	But Gwyneth ignores that point and just takes the interpretation as a fact and says there's no other explanation, but Carol is a murderer.
	I'm of that mind set too.
	I lived in Costa Rica for a while.
	You don't disappear there.
	It's not a very big place.
	There's only like five or six cities that people congregate in, and the others are minute.
	Expats stick out there like a sore thumb.
	They have their own bars, their own people.
	You go to, I was in Montezuma, and I knew everyone at Montezuma.
	I knew the guy who ran the town.
	I knew the owners of the hotels.
	We all know each other.
	If someone gets robbed, we all get together and we have a little posse where we go try to find the guy.
	Maupais has its own little surf scene.
	They have their surf cabins they rent out to people.
	Tambur has its little scene.
	It's got the airport there.
	Everyone travels around too.
	You can do the whole country in like five hours.
	So everyone knows everyone.
	It's not a place you disappear.
	You go to San Jose, you go to like, there's a bar called the Beatles Bar, and you'll meet every white person in San Jose in like 10 minutes.
	It's not a place you go to vanish, obviously.
	So the options remain someone kicked him out of a plane over the ocean, or he was killed on the property and buried in a hole.
	Why would anyone kick him out of a plane if he wasn't a drug dealer?
	Why would he have rivals of that caliber?
	Getting kicked out of a plane is like top murder.
	That's like you work with guys who are selling kilos and kilos of Coke.
	You're in the big leagues as far as the danger.
	There's no way he was up there.
	So she fucking shot him and dug a hole is my interpretation.
	He didn't get eaten by the money.
	I think that's too complex.
	Because as people in the movie point out, there'd be bones, there'd be blood.
	It's not like it's a magic hippopotamus that just eats your whole body and poos out nothing.
	It has to do some tearing and shit.
	Right.
	Good afternoon, guys.
	Why do you like that sound?
	I don't know.
	He's so fat and stupid.
	Okay, I think we're almost done the show.
	it's time to check out the mailbag.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn the breast together's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	That's strange.
	We got about four in the past hour.
	So I haven't read these yet.
	Ready?
	Yep.
	This is from Evan.
	Hey guys, my girlfriend looks like a mix between a short-haired Emma Watson, gross, and short Charlize Sarone.
	Whatever.
	Minus over if Emily's bullshit.
	Tell your girlfriend to grow her hair.
	At least to say, that look really does it for me anyway.
	She and I used to have sex multiple times daily when we first met.
	In fact, she used to beg for it.
	Mikey, come on, I'm sweating my balls off out here.
	Take your pants down.
	I never stop being that attracted to her.
	And in fact, I prowl around the house like some lascivious demon.
	I thought that would make her feel more desired or more attractive and thus want to have sex with me more.
	But she often says that she isn't, that it isn't that she's less attracted to me.
	She just wants to be more subtle.
	She wants me to be more subtle.
	I don't really know how to do that.
	We've only been having sex once or twice a week, and I feel like I'm the one causing that.
	Let me know if you've got any tips.
	I really like to go back to where it once was.
	I want to fuck with my heels on.
	Yeah, you just got to take it.
	You just grab them.
	You wrangle them.
	There's no courtship.
	There's no talking.
	There's just a grab.
	Now, if she's like, no, no, obviously we're not pro-rape.
	But my advice to you is to just make the decision in your head.
	This is happening.
	And then she just goes along for the ride.
	There's no like, hey, would you, how would you feel about making love?
	Just sort of like get her up there.
	And it has to be the right time, right?
	She can't be like washing the dishes and you come over and she's going, it's just got to be like, come here, come here, come here, doodle-doo.
	And then do all that stuff.
	Just take it.
	We don't give a damn.
	Hey, Gavin, I notice you have a nice Biltwell helmet.
	I recently got an old motorcycle, 74 Honda, and went with a Biltwell helmet myself.
	I hear they're cool people.
	Anyway, can you talk about your motorcycle?
	What kind of bike does the G-Man ride?
	What you got here on the shelf?
	Is that a Triumph?
	Bonus, what kind of bike would you recommend for Ryan based on the type of lad you see him as?
	This is my bike.
	It's a Bonneville.
	I think it's a 2002.
	It's only 600 cc's, but the guy who had it before me souped it up so much it's more like a 750.
	Cafe racer, obviously, stripped down to nothing.
	It's all pretty much original parts, I mean, or Based on original parts, there's no real outside of the performance, it looks exactly like the 2002.
	And I believe the 2002s were meant to look like the original 1965s.
	Uh, it runs beautifully.
	I'm kind of a pussy though on the highway, and when I get over 60 miles an hour, with I have actually a fairing on it now that isn't on this, but it doesn't do anything.
	It's just like bloop.
	And I get fucking scared.
	You hit a pothole and it goes.
	And I just get paranoid thinking about skidding out.
	So I don't enjoy highway riding.
	I'm more of a tooting around town kind of guy.
	Now, Ryan is negligent and makes a lot of mistakes.
	So I don't think he should get a lot of CCs and do a lot of highway riding.
	I think what Ryan should do is to get maybe even 49 CCs where you don't even need a driver's license for being good at it, if you will.
	And just peter around his neighborhood.
	Use it to take a girl to a bar or to go and buy groceries or something that you can put in a backpack.
	But Ryan should not get a hog.
	He should get a scooter.
	Not the kind you sit on like a mod.
	I mean like a moped.
	A moped.
	That's how guys talk to one another.
	Did you see the bike, by the way, Ryan, that he included?
	Actually, did he send that just to you?
	Because I do not have that one.
	No, it went to the mailbag.
	His name is?
	Mailbag at free speech.tv, which we don't have.
	Oh, okay, that's why.
	But it is a fucking beautiful bike.
	Let's see.
	Oh, that's a cafe racer, right?
	Seven's kind of gay.
	The number seven in general?
	Yeah, like, what are you in a race?
	You wish you're in a race?
	What?
	You like the number seven?
	My buddy sent me a beautiful Ducati just like an hour ago.
	Wonderful.
	This is a...
	I'm going to email you this Ducati.
	Stunning.
	I'm not a Ducati guy usually, but man, this thing is a fucking supermodel.
	My problem with motorcycle riding too is it makes you fat.
	Like if you take your bicep, I took my bike to Ryan's apartment, and that's about a 40-minute ride.
	And that's good for me.
	That's good exercise.
	But if you just take your hog all summer, just and never ride your bike, you end up having to buy all new pants.
	And that's really why I like to stay slim, to avoid having to buy new pants.
	Here's one from Jake.
	Okay, it's a series of tweets.
	Oh, it's a lot of tweets.
	Hey guys, this is pretty funny for a number of reasons.
	One being that Republican men tend to be men and are successful, masculine, and have high sexual body counts full of tons of satisfied women, whereas super liberal men who want the government to control everything are weak, hence why they want someone making choices for them.
	But how about this loser trying to be funny and quote-unquote burn Republican men?
	A guy who looks like he smells like baby powder and plays with action figures.
	This made me laugh out loud.
	I want to suck you with my funglasses.
	Coming up.
	Bam.
	Drew Horner.
	Right, but the first picture he shows is, pregnant woman, listen up.
	File for the stimulus for your fetus, and you either get paid or Republicans will have to admit a fetus isn't a child.
	Republican men have no interest in providing women with stimulus, says Dirty Martini.
	And then Drew says this works on so many levels.
	Sometimes I'd wish you'd invite a fan of the week onto the show to chat for a bit, and I want to be that guy every week.
	There are just times I want to be on Instant's show with you guys.
	I'm currently leveling a void elf shadow priest, Nyxiria.
	She's my 13th character.
	I may be an altaholic.
	Oh, God, what a fucking loser.
	The games.
	You know what that reminds me of?
	The dude who, this is going to be a challenge for you.
	The dude, the Marvel guy who came up with Snowflake and what's the other world?
	Safe space.
	Safe space.
	That guy is a comic book nerd blogger dude who married a super rich chick.
	And she writes books about how great it is to abort babies and women have to be fucking kick-ass and blah, blah, blah.
	And I think it's a great example of what birth control can do to you.
	Now, when a woman takes birth control, what happens is her body's told she's in the first trimester.
	Now, what does a woman in the first trimester want?
	To get fucked real hard by an Uber mensch?
	No.
	She wants a male figure that will protect her.
	Let me see that.
	Okay, go down.
	Stop, stop.
	Queerly nerd, no.
	Keep going.
	It's the guy who invented it.
	He's like perpetually balding shit.
	Yeah, we showed the guy.
	And he has little glasses on.
	Now you're deep into Mariah Carey territory.
	You're like four posts down.
	I believe we showed it before.
	I know, but you're in different posts.
	Let me see here.
	He writes about Marvel as a grown man.
	But anyway, so you want someone, a man, there, but you don't want him to be a threat because you don't want him to fuck you because you already have a baby.
	So you're looking for a sibling type figure, a sexless, weak, kind figure, just like this guy who thinks he's an altaholic.
	And I thought, this can't be a coincidence that this woman, the rich girl he married, is totally obsessed with birth control and women's reproductive rights and not ovulating and tricking your body into being in your first trimester.
	And she's married to the guy who came up with the superhero Snowflake, or at least is intimately involved in the process.
	Have you got her?
	It ended badly.
	That's it.
	That's it.
	Jennifer Wright, 13 of the worst breakups in history.
	So she's a rich girl who could have had a real man in her life, but she focused on birth control and it altered her tastes.
	This is what's disturbing about this pattern.
	It's altering the tastes of women in general.
	And then what happens is, I bet she's still on birth control, but they go off it and it's time to have a man.
	Oh, this is an article she wrote.
	Abortion is not murder.
	Even if we granted the most generous possible terms to the anti-abortion camp, even if we pretended the fetus was fully rational and contemplating Shakespeare in the Womb, abortion would still not be murder.
	Interesting stance, Jenny.
	Sounds like you had an abortion and you're feeling real guilty.
	So, what happens with these women is they go off birth control, and now that instinct is gone, and they're back to their real selves that crave a real man.
	And they look to their right, and they have the guy behind Snowflake and Safe Space.
	Look him up, Ben.
	What's his name?
	Kibble Smith?
	Daniel Kibblesmith.
	Daniel Kibblesmith.
	He's way worse than the person that this author just threw us.
	That writer.
	Look at that fucking guy.
	Look at the first picture.
	Look at that.
	I've been a lesbian this whole time.
	Yeah.
	Are you even straight if you're a woman and you marry that?
	Her poor father.
	Look at them.
	Hi, we're together.
	Here, click on that.
	That must be their wedding announcement.
	You can see how rich she is.
	So rich girls get woke.
	Woke girls take birth control.
	And birth control makes you fuck nerds.
	What is it?
	Killer fashion and deadly garments.
	She is a daughter of Kathleen Wright and Thomas C. Wright of Kawaii.
	The bride's father retired as vice chairman of BMO Capital Markets in Chicago.
	Her mother, who worked in Houston, retired as vice president of ExxonMobil.
	Fuck, what a shame.
	What a shame that he's a staff writer for Stephen Colbert, Kibble Smith.
	Oh, good.
	Hey, so yeah.
	Fathers, rich fathers, be careful when you send your daughters to Brown University.
	She's going to come out covered in shit.
	This is from Steve.
	Hey, guys, I thought you were going to that graphic from a few weeks ago with Terrence Howard on the drums into a t-shirt.
	I really want to buy that shit.
	Please make it happen.
	Yeah, we got to do that t-shirt.
	And we also have to do Champs Gym.
	Oh, yes.
	I've also designed a Proud Boys one I want to use to raise money for them.
	Okay, this is one of the oldest symbols.
	Hey, Gavin Ryan, big fan of the show.
	Yada yada.
	Have you guys seen all these insane, professionally produced, pretty homoerotic bar mitzvah and invitation videos?
	Me and my buddies came across this rabbit hole one night over some beers, and they're all so weirdly well done.
	Better than Ryan's editing anyway.
	And I assume that means better than Charlie's Angels.
	I know ragging on kids is a gray area, but these are all funded and likely written by the parents.
	The more you search, the more you see that these seem to be written by the parents or a preset script plus video they buy.
	Imagine you survive the Holocaust and then have to watch your grandson do this shit.
	I like you more than a friend, Chris.
	Oh, I've seen this one before.
	Shitty lighting.
	Is this meant to be sexy?
	I was born 13 years ago in Washington, D.C. Hello, ladies.
	My mother and my father explain the world to me.
	Your parents were monkeys?
	I listened very closely, but I did not agree.
	Instead, I came up with my own philosophy.
	Don't tell me I should act like you really hammered at those strings.
	You stand out in a noisy crowd.
	You must make sure the heebie cheebies.
	Now the heebie cheebies.
	Yes, the hebrew cheebies.
	And let's see the Hebrew chewies.
	Let's check out the wildest here.
	Even these people got to get their credits in at the beginning.
	Fuck you and your logo.
	I'm so sick of this.
	Hey, G. Is he on fire?
	What's burning behind him?
	A church?
	Is there two songs happening at once?
	Is this my fault?
	Yeah.
	No, it's not.
	There's two things going on.
	Wait, stop.
	Just press pause.
	That's all one thing.
	That's all one song?
	God damn it.
	It sounds like the torture music they played at Waco to get them to come out.
	It sounds like Bill McClintlock had a brain church.
	Yeah.
	Come to my bar mitzvah.
	We'll blow shit up together.
	It's like nine songs just thrown into a big fucking bucket.
	I'm the Matrix James Bond.
	Okay, that's enough.
	And then the cringiest is the last one.
	Shouldn't the parents take these down after?
	I've got a fur.
	I'm 13.
	I drive a black Ferrari.
	Convertible.
	And I kill people for the government.
	This is the cringiest, apparently.
	Why are you watching TV in the middle of the day?
	I think I'm going to be a ripper when I grow up.
	What's a ripper?
	Yeah, you mean Jack the Ripper?
	Yeah, we're ready to go!
	Yeah, Patrick, and I'll be your backup singer.
	What about me?
	Sure, Patrick.
	These are very Aryan-looking Jews, aren't they?
	Fuck you, assholes.
	I'm going to become an anti-Semitic rapper.
	The anti-Manas Yahoo.
	I'm going to rap for Farrakhan.
	And have different faces.
	Hello, everybody.
	I'm glad you all came.
	Welcome to my bar, Miss Fo, it won't be lame.
	The theme is iPod and I am iPet.
	And you are right here, cause this is where it's at.
	I play the piano, I play the sex.
	We're gonna have fun and go inside the fact.
	I am the iPad.
	Hi, Pat.
	I am the iPet.
	Wow, that is very uncomfortable.
	Yesterday I was a boy.
	Today I was a paper.
	Okay, last letter.
	We need a palate cleanser.
	That sucked.
	Hi, Gary or Gavin and Ryan.
	I don't know when you will see Gary again due to the Wuhan flu, but after he was licking the mug and said, suck you with the funglasses, I had an idea.
	I hope you all like it.
	And then he ends it, I want to suck you with my funglasses.
	You saw that, right?
	Yeah.
	There we go.
	That's amazing.
	I like the style.
	Yeah.
	It's inspiring.
	All right.
	That's it, folks.
	Let's end with a fun video, though.
	As someone who always gets beat up in the ring, I often fantasize about knockout punches.
	I've never done one in my life.
	It's on my bucket list, but it'll probably end up on my fucket list, and I'll end up being the one that gets knocked out again.
	I've been knocked out quite a few times.
	But one of the best ways to knock someone out is to deal with drunks.
	It must feel really good to knock out a drunk.
	And bouncers get to do it every night.
	Here is a manager of a store dealing with some drunken assholes.
	I can't tell if this is Russia or Britain.
	I think it's Russia.
	And they're just trashing the store because they're in a blackout.
	Britain's so shitty these days that it looks like Russia.
	And Russia is mistaken for Britain.
	It's got to be Russia.
	So that's the manager in the gray t-shirt.
	He throws him down.
	Nice throw.
	And he's trying to choke him out a little bit, but he gets kicked by the other bun.
	So then he gets up.
	He's like, no, no, fuck you guys.
	And it's coming up.
	Gray t-shirt about to deliver a beautiful knockout.
	So he gets hit first and he goes, you fucking son of a bitch.
	Oh, you dropped my glasses.
	And boing.
	Hello, boom.
	Look at that one.
	The second, he does two in a row and then catches the collapsing dude and strangles him.
	Now this guy is not going to recover.
	Oh, yeah, you got him.
	A good one there.
	Go back.
	We got to see both of them.
	That was a cute punch.
	A cute punch?
	Yeah.
	There you go.
	Boop, boop.
	Bob's your uncle.
	Boops.
	Boop.
	Betty boop.
	Uh-oh.
	Another cutie.
	Another cutesy pie.
	Look, and they're both like out of it.
	Oh, don't wreck his glasses.
	Wouldn't you feel great if you were that guy?
	It's totally justified.
	They were trashing your store.
	Can I buy a fudge sickle to ice my face, please?
	I'll leave.
	Where am I?
	I don't know how you could resist not just doing one more.
	I guess because that's murder?
	And you could get in trouble from your boss.
	You could get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Let me put this pussy on you.
	That's right.
	Sweat my balls off.
	I got my legs open so wide.
	I wanna feel you deep inside.
	Come on, babe, you know I got mad pray.
	But make me cook it up on you.
	I'm my friend.

▲