Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E132 - BERNIE WAR [2020-03-03 - S02E132 - BERNIE WAR]

All Episodes

Previous Next

March 3, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:19:42

S02E132 - BERNIE WAR [2020-03-03 - S02E132 - BERNIE WAR]

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin.
	You never meant to be me, never meant to be us.
	Never meant for all of this, never meant for you to love, never meant for you to trust.
	So I'll take my time next time and I'll do she is from Africa.
	She is from Cameroon, she eats the poo-poo.
	That is Lekita Tamco from Cameroon.
	Very talented young lady.
	That's this from her second album.
	What's it called?
	None such?
	And ooh, what's going on there?
	Lots of toes.
	Black ladies, grow your hair long.
	All ladies, grow your hair long.
	Remember at Roger Stone's trial, one of the black women had short hair and the black preacher that was with Roger goes, that's not good.
	When black women have short hair, it means I don't need a man.
	I'm not interested.
	You know you're in trouble when black women have short hair on your jury.
	But when black women have short hair on your jukebox, things are going well.
	Vagabond.
	Been around since 2016.
	That album is 2019.
	And the first album was more rock.
	She's a rock guitarist, really.
	But this one, she's using a lot more electronic music.
	And it's a lot of fun.
	In the news today, stop him, Joe.
	Dems rally to foil Bernie.
	You know what?
	You want to hear an unpopular opinion?
	They're right.
	They should foil Bernie.
	Say you're a Democrat and you believe that Trump is ruining America.
	Say you represent that, whatever it is, half the country, right?
	You should pull out all the stops to save this country from this evil white supremacist, Donald Trump.
	And in doing so, you should play dirty pool and do whatever you can to get rid of Bernie because Bernie is a socialist.
	Boomers hate socialists because they pay tax.
	And boomers vote.
	So everyone was making fun of their America versus socialism CPAC thing, but it was effective.
	You know, young people don't pay tax.
	They don't understand how the country works.
	Old people do.
	So I think what's happening right now is Biden is popular in the South because he has that sort of good old boy way of talking, and they don't like uppity Jews.
	By the way, a Jew is never going to win as president.
	I don't have a problem with that.
	I'm a Jewophile.
	Jews surround me at all times.
	I'm from Montreal and New York.
	I've never not been around Jews.
	But they're barely 3% of the population.
	And I don't care what you are.
	You're never going to be president if you're barely 3% of the population.
	So Bernie's not happening.
	And the way he talks, it's confusing to people.
	When they hear him in the South, they don't know what to do.
	So that puts all your eggs on Biden.
	One minor problem with that, Biden is a retard.
	And I know Tucker Carlson is having a fantastic time with this because we all really want Biden to run.
	It's like boxing.
	You don't want some amateur like Bernie Sanders coming up against Trump.
	That's just going to be one knockout punch in the first round.
	I want some sparring.
	And when this guy is as colorful as Joe Biden is and so replete with gaffes like Biden is, bring it on.
	I included some montages of his idiocy.
	So you're on unfiltered politics on Instagram.
	Good.
	That's a great Instagram page.
	We hold these truths to be self-evident.
	All men and women are created.
	Go, you know the thing.
	Just pause.
	So you were there.
	We know these truths to be self-evident.
	All men and women are created equal.
	He was one word away.
	And he goes, you know the thing.
	That thing about us all being equal.
	Who do blacks like more, Biden or Bernie?
	That's a tough one.
	Tomorrow's Superstar Tuesday, and I want to thank you all.
	I tell you what, I'm rushing ahead, aren't I?
	And I want to speak directly to the Democrats here in Texas.
	Oh, fuck.
	We owe these truths to be self-evident.
	All men and women created by the go, you know the thing.
	That might be a soundbite.
	Every time I'm confused, you just like, go, yo, you know the thing.
	Go, yo, you know the thing.
	Also, he said it was tomorrow is Superstar Tuesday.
	I think it was like Sunday when he said that.
	So he got the day wrong.
	What the fuck is Superstar Tuesday?
	Does he mean like Fat Tuesday before Lent?
	Anyway, what's this now?
	150 million people have been killed since 2007 when Bernie voted to exempt the gun manufacturers from liability.
	My name's Joe Biden.
	I'm a Democratic candidate for the United States Senate.
	Look me over.
	You're like what you see.
	Help out.
	If not, vote for the other by give me a look, though, okay?
	Right here in the state of North South Carolina.
	But guess what?
	If you luck me, I'm not going to have you.
	Your taxes are going to be raised, not cut, if you can benefit from that.
	Now we need to stand behind Jamie Harrison.
	Yes.
	The next serve.
	South Carolina.
	Thank you.
	Well, I'm looking forward to appointing the first African-American woman to the United States Senate.
	To the United States Senate?
	Isn't there time?
	All right, Chuck.
	Thank you very much.
	All right.
	It's Chris, but anyway.
	I just did Chris.
	No, no, I just did Chuck.
	I tell you what, man, these are back-to-back.
	Anyway, you do it early in the morning, too.
	We call these shoes to be self-evident.
	Oh, they got that one.
	That's going to be his winner, right?
	Although, my favorite is the parking lot.
	Actually, see if you can find that.
	We talked about it the other day.
	Oh, there's one left.
	Super Tuesday.
	And I want to thank you all.
	I tell you what, I'm rushing ahead, aren't I?
	Oh, Superstar Suze.
	Superstar Suze.
	He did this long, long, long time.
	We talked about this on the other show.
	Where blacks in the 50s would wear bathing caps, and they looked like Ethel Merman, who was that, there's no business-like show business.
	So this guy's on the diving board, and he's doing something he shouldn't.
	And he says to this black guy, when he's a lifeguard in the hood, hey, Ethel, get out of here.
	You're kicked out.
	You're kicked out.
	I've told you too many times to get off that diving board.
	And so they wait from outside with the straight razor.
	And so he's nervous and he talks to another lifeguard there, wraps a chain around his fingers, around his fist, and he comes out and he goes, look, I'm not going to apologize for calling you Ethel.
	I mean, I am going to apologize for calling you Ethel.
	I'm not going to apologize for kicking you out.
	And because he had his chain there, and he did apologize for the bad part, they were cool.
	Now, I just told that story in, I think, 12 seconds.
	His version takes about a day.
	I won't subject you to the entire thing.
	Well, make sure you got it right first.
	Wait, what just happened, Ryan?
	Why are you don't show us doing your heart?
	What is Joe Biden's vision for America?
	You know, he's out on the campaign trail.
	Reach in the pool and rub my leg down so it was trade and then watch the hair come back up again.
	How did you find that?
	Did you look up lifeguard straight razor, chain?
	Lifeguard story chain.
	Okay.
	So, guys, you lost.
	And they just can't seem to handle when they lose.
	By the way, remember I said my back hurt skipping rope yesterday, and then I get shot in the back because someone has a voodoo doll in me, and then I have to stumble down and sit in a chair.
	Apparently, I've been talking to a lot of guys at the gym.
	This is common.
	One dude, Julian, was taking a shit, and then all of a sudden he went to wipe and went and had to lie down for an hour.
	Or the owner, it happened to him.
	He said, my legs are paralyzed.
	I couldn't move for two hours.
	And I thought, I'm going to go to my, I started getting a personal trainer because cheating with drugs didn't work, and I'm going to start doing personal training to try to get ripped legitimately, the real way.
	And it might be from that same podium, Ryan.
	Oh, yeah.
	And by the way, you know, I sit on the stand and it get hot.
	I got a lot of, I got hairy legs.
	No, not it.
	The only one is from the Young Turks, and I just tried to avoid going to that one.
	Why?
	It's because it's the Young Turks.
	We don't give a fuck where the source is.
	Anyway, I went and worked out, very strenuous, you know, weights and all this shit.
	Back didn't hurt at all.
	I think when the blood flows, it kills the pain.
	And then I went, oh, so I guess I cured it.
	And then, you know, a couple hours later, back into pain.
	Moral of the story is, just because your back is put out, don't avoid a workout.
	Still, I don't know if boxing is for me.
	I'm always going to go, don't get me wrong.
	But what's this?
	This is Sam Cedar.
	Oh, great.
	And there weren't a lot of three-meter board.
	If you fell off sideways, you landed on the darn cement over there.
	And Corn Pop was a bad dude.
	And he ran away.
	What's the bad motherfucker?
	He's a bad nude.
	And back in those days, things have changed.
	One of the things you had to use, if you used pomade in your hair, you had to wear a bathing cap.
	And so he was up on the board one list and I said, hey, Esther, you, off the board, I'll come up and drag you off.
	So basically, oh, he must be a Bernie bro.
	That's why he's making fun of Biden.
	Real civil war here with the young libs focusing on Bernie and the old libs focusing on Biden.
	Both are going to lose.
	Anyway, it's a hell of a clip if you can find it.
	Maybe they're working hard to kill it.
	There's some weird things.
	Like, I remember I was talking to a guy from Postmillennial down at CPAC, and he said he was doing an article on Justin Trudeau's dad, Pierre Trudeau, who was also prime minister.
	And Margaret Trudeau talked about when Pierre Trudeau smashed her in the face because he thought she was flirting with someone else.
	And she goes, it felt so good when he did that because it showed that he cared.
	Just like the Crystal song.
	He hit me and it felt like a kiss.
	I think you might be onto something.
	Look at this.
	So I click the Microsoft News link.
	Error can't be found.
	And then you go to the Washington Post.
	We're unable to find the page you requested.
	Isn't that weird?
	Yeah.
	So what's going on here is this is all part of the campaign.
	And once again, the way the news is reported tells you more than the news.
	That's how I get my news now.
	I get my news by watching the way the news is reported.
	So if Haiti, if the riots in Haiti are being totally ignored, then I know that there's some very severe riots going on in Haiti right now.
	And the press is petrified of that hurting the narrative.
	But anyway, post-millennial dude, so he tried to look it up because he remembers reading that as a kid.
	He's Canadian.
	And it's just gone.
	Scrubbed from the web.
	You can scrub things from the web.
	Conversely, you can add things to the web and you can use the web to control your narrative.
	For example, before this Proud Boy shit happened and those guys were arrested, before the DNC wanted to use me as the leader of hate, a hate spouse, terror spouse, sorry, my Wikipedia was like Gavin McInnis, Canadian, British, American, comedian guy, funny dude, whatever.
	Worked at Vice, started Vice.
	Now, Alexa, as the caller yesterday pointed out, or sorry, the letter yesterday pointed out, it says that I am a violent, I promote violence against my political enemies.
	We talked about this on yesterday's show.
	I'm thinking, that fucking Alexa is in my children's rooms, my son's rooms and my daughter's room.
	So when they ask who their dad is.
	So you can effectively control the American psyche by taking away stories and adding stories.
	That's where we're at right now.
	That's why you have to come to places like censored.tv to get the truth.
	And speaking of the truth, Chris Matthews is out for raping tons of chicks in their assholes at knife point as they screamed.
	And then he would threaten their families if they reported him.
	So he was finally caught.
	They did DNA on the buttholes and they discovered penile tissue that linked to his penis.
	And so he'll be going to jail for the rest of his life.
	Let's just see how close that is to the truth.
	Let me start with my headline tonight.
	I'm retiring.
	This is the last Hardball on MSNBC.
	And obviously, this isn't for lack of interest in politics.
	As you can tell, I've loved every minute of my 20 years as host of Hardball.
	Every morning I read the papers and gung-ho to get to work.
	Not many people have had this privilege.
	I love working with my producers and the discussions we have over how to report the news.
	And I love having this place for people who watch.
	I've learned who you are, bumping into you on the sidewalk or waiting at an airport and saying hello.
	You're like me.
	I hear it from your kids and grandchildren.
	You say, my dad loves yourself.
	You're so horny, you can't control yourself.
	After a conversation with MSNBC, I decided tonight will be my last hardball.
	So let me tell you why.
	The younger generations out there are ready to take the reins.
	We see them in politics, in the media, in fighting for their causes.
	They are improving the workplace.
	We're talking here about better standards than we grew up with.
	Just pause.
	Fair standards.
	So not only do you get fired for nothing, and I'm about to get to the rape that didn't happen.
	I was being a little hyperbolic.
	Not only do you get fired for flirting, which is what really happened, but you have to cock to the person framing you and say, hey, she's wonderful.
	The woman who's lying about me and getting me fired is amazing.
	This is the new MO.
	This is the way it works now.
	Talk about Stalinist Russia.
	Not only do you have to take the abuse, but you have to get on TV and talk about how awesome it is.
	This is like what Stalin would.
	Stalin used to keep people awake all night and then say, why don't you represent yourself on trial?
	Not all night, for days and days.
	And they would get on the stand and they would talk about themselves and how they're guilty and they would recommend the death penalty for themselves because they went nuts with lack of sleep.
	This is just as Stalinist, where these fake victims ruin your career.
	And this is purely political, by the way.
	Matthews was causing trouble.
	He was shitting on Bernie Sanders.
	He was saying Bernie Sanders was going to lead to some mass shootings and genocide.
	And they wanted him gone.
	So what did they do?
	They dug up some bitch from two, three years ago who was uncomfortable, put that into the foreground, pretended it was a major problem right now.
	And they probably said, look, dude, you can get an incredible severance package, $17 million, or you can stay here, ruin the brand, ruin your legacy, ruin everything, and leave with like $3 million.
	Meanwhile, his legacy is still ruined.
	Forever, he'll be Chris Matthews, the guy who ended because he was a, well, I think the general perception will be because he was a disgusting creep who was always this lecherous drooling pig who was always trying to fuck his female staffers.
	That will be the legacy for Chris Matthews.
	And I don't think it's true.
	But keep going.
	It has to do with how we talk to each other.
	Compliments on a woman's appearance that some men, including me, might have once incorrectly thought were okay, were never okay.
	Not then and certainly not today.
	And for making such a matter of time.
	Our father's generation would never do this.
	Our father's generation, the Don Cherries of the world, would never sit there and say, she's right, I'm wrong, I'm a disgusting pig.
	She lives by a better standard than me.
	They would say, fuck you, and die with their boots on.
	This guy is dying with his high.
	He's fucking dying with his heels on.
	Yeah.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm very proud of the work I've done here.
	Long before I went on television, I worked for years in politics, was a newspaper columnist, an author, an amateur radio, and working in another book.
	I'll continue to write and talk about politics and cheer on my producers and crew here in Washington and New York and my MSNBC colleagues.
	They will continue to produce great journalism in the years ahead.
	And for those of you who have gotten in the habit of watching Hardball every night, I hope you're going to miss me because I'm going to miss you.
	But remembering Humphrey Bogart and Casablanca, we'll always have Hardball.
	So let's not say goodbye, but till we meet again.
	All right.
	So how, let me tell you some examples of when I would think this was appropriate.
	There's a woman in the bathroom changing.
	And as she opens the door, he opens the door and pushes his way in and goes, you're so fucking hot.
	It's driving me insane.
	And she goes, Chris, get away from me.
	Get away from me.
	And he pushes his crotch into her.
	He's like, I'm not getting away from you.
	I must have you.
	I mean to have you, even if it must be burglary.
	That kind of thing.
	And if that happens, that's sexual assault.
	Call the cops.
	Don't sit there and say, that could hurt my career.
	Put something up my buns.
	And I don't give a shit about my career.
	I'm calling the cops.
	And if you don't call the cops, you are furthering, you are enabling him to do it again.
	So you are culpable in future sexual assaults.
	Say that bathroom scenario happened and she let it go.
	She's now partly responsible for the next time he does that.
	But we don't want to make that public because we don't want to discourage reporting.
	Well, I think it's time to encourage reporting rather than be petrified of discouraging reporting.
	So listen to what actually happened.
	Her name is Laura Bassett.
	Bassett.
	Bassett.
	She is a 6.9.
	Really?
	Yep.
	In 2017, I wrote a personal essay about a much older married cable news host who inappropriately flirted with me in the makeup room a few times before we went live on a show, making me noticeably uncomfortable on air.
	He sabotaged me.
	She probably sucked on air and is now trying to find an excuse for it.
	He just wanted her to suck off Arizona.
	Maybe you sucked on air because you weren't prepared and you're not good at this job and you'd be happier at home.
	I was afraid to name him for fear of retaliation from the network.
	Very difficult retaliation.
	I'm not anymore.
	Why aren't you anymore?
	Why all of a sudden, three years later, are you willing to name names?
	Is it possibly because insiders have decided this man is hurting the DNC's campaign?
	He's not a good Democrat?
	It was Chris Matthews.
	There I said it.
	In 2016, right before I had to go on his show and talk about sexual assault allegations against Donald Trump, which were equally ridiculous, Matthews looked over at me in the makeup chair next to him and said, you ready for this?
	This is pretty horrible.
	Now, I should probably put a warning on, ladies who are watching this show, you're going to hear this and you're going to have rape nightmares, possibly for the rest of your lives.
	Are you ready to be raped?
	Why haven't I fallen in love with you yet?
	Hello.
	When I laughed nervously and said nothing, he followed up to the makeup artist.
	Keep putting makeup on her.
	I'll fall in love with her.
	It's corny flattery.
	It's old man flirting that is asexual.
	He's trying to say, you look very pretty.
	He's telling the makeup artist she's doing a good job.
	He's trying to boost her ego so she feels confident when she goes on the show.
	Now, it didn't work, probably because of the age gap.
	And she says that she went on and she was noticeably uncomfortable on the show.
	Okay, maybe that was because of his compliments.
	But is this threatening?
	Why haven't I fallen in love with you yet?
	Oh my God.
	These women need to see what us New Yorkers in media have to deal with with homosexuals.
	They're grabbing our ass and saying, I would suck you off right now.
	Once we get a good rapport with them, they really stop holding back and it's fucking disgusting.
	And we go, okay.
	We don't have nightmares.
	That was too much of indecence.
	A fellow cable news pundit who doesn't want to be named for professional reasons, why the fuck not, you stupid bitches.
	Name names.
	Now you know this is one of the oldest symbols.
	If this is the crisis you say it is, then we should know their names.
	We should out it all.
	We're going to be mad at you for saying that you were, that you were molested?
	I mean, I guess I'll tell you what.
	If your allegation is bullshit, then yeah, you probably should keep it to yourself because we'll make fun of you on this show.
	Why haven't I fallen in love with you yet?
	Okay, so here's the other chick.
	She was invited to talk about misogyny and comparison to Mad Man.
	Right before going on there, he turned to her and asked, whether, you ready for this neutron bomb?
	Again, ladies, turn away from the set.
	Shut off your headphones.
	You're about to hear rape words.
	He asked whether Joan's proportions are real.
	Now, if you recall, Joan was the pokritudinist redhead that was on the show.
	And Chris Matthews was talking to her.
	By the way, that's how we all talk.
	Ladies, you finally broke the glass ceiling.
	You're in with the big boys.
	That's how we talk.
	Hey, you think Joan's tits are real?
	Yeah, I kind of get a real vibe from it.
	She doesn't seem like a fake tit type.
	What are you showing me there?
	That Joan Walsh from Harball?
	Holy fuck, you're retarded.
	Oh.
	Were you listening?
	Yeah, Joan.
	From the show Madmen, you fucking retard.
	Yeah, they were all talking about her tits.
	Not this woman's tits.
	The other woman's tits.
	The tenacious research of Ryan O. Rivera.
	Yeah, so everyone asks that.
	And it's a reasonable question.
	And I'm 90% sure they're real.
	Look, see, I'm having the discussion now in a literal way.
	She was shaken like I was at the time of publication.
	MSNBC had not responded for comment.
	So this is my beef.
	This was four years ago.
	How about these women coming out and talking about how much they regret not mentioning this sooner?
	That would be a cool angle for these things.
	I was molested.
	I was assaulted.
	I was raped.
	And I didn't do anything about it.
	And now it means nothing because there's no evidence.
	I implore other girls, especially young girls, don't wait.
	Handle it immediately.
	Now that is an angle I can get behind.
	They waited about 40 and 45 minutes.
	Well, actually, Timothy Hutton is in trouble.
	And she waited 30, 30, 34 years, 30, 40, 45 minutes.
	30, 34, 34 years.
	40 and 45 years.
	No, 30, 34, 34, 30, 34 years.
	40 and 45.
	No, 30, 34.
	40 and 45.
	No, 34.
	Actually, exactly 34 years.
	So this chick says, when Timothy Hutton, 34 years ago, when she was 14, he raped her.
	He forced his way inside her, and his friend put his penis, not Timothy's penis, the friend's own, very own penis, into her mouth.
	She said, no.
	He said, stop doing that.
	That's not working.
	And BuzzFeed, of course, sorry, BuzzFeed is 1.6.
	They just run with it.
	They show a nice picture of her looking sad, forlorn.
	And they just, like, isn't this journalistic malfeasance?
	I know it's the cat blog BuzzFeed, but to just go up to some chick with a 34-year-old story and say, oh, you're raped?
	Okay, let's throw it down with zero evidence?
	Aren't editors supposed to go, I need something to hang my hat on there?
	I just can't run a full story like this.
	So their evidence is that, I don't know, that they told it to friends at the time or something.
	That's not evidence.
	But Timothy Hutton's contention is he goes, last March, an ex-boyfriend of this girl's reached out to the other guy and said he offered to personally broker some sort of deal.
	In other words, they said, we're about to come down hard on you for this rape, and you could make it a lot better if you paid for it.
	By the way, that's just as bad as what I'm talking before.
	Let's say it happened.
	I don't think it did.
	Let's say it happened.
	You have some culpability here.
	If you're just asking for money, now you're just an expensive prostitute.
	Now you're part of the exchange.
	Now it's just a business exchange.
	Say he gave her 40 grand.
	You were just fucked for 40 grand.
	That's not the way the law works.
	That's in fact illegal.
	Yeah, why don't these people who get settlements get charged with prostitution?
	It's illegal what they're doing.
	And it's fucking wrong.
	And it pisses me off.
	Speaking of pissed off, Steven Spielberg's daughter is in the news.
	She's an adopted African-American person of color.
	And she's doing porn.
	She's married to some very old guy, so she has daddy issues.
	And this is 19.
	One alarming thing I found in this article was at a young age, she was groomed and abused by predators.
	Now, this is all, I don't want to get sued here.
	Why don't you show the article, Shit for Brains?
	I don't want to get sued here, but I, for many, many years, many years, have said, I get a bad feeling from Spielberg.
	I get a bad pedophile vibe.
	And a lot of people who adopt kids are wonderful creatures.
	Some of them seem to be kind of gross.
	And I'm worried that Steven Spielberg might be one of them.
	I'm worried that he adopted her with sexual plans in mind.
	She was groomed and abused by predators.
	And you go, Gavin, where are you getting this from?
	All right.
	Many, many years ago, I was reading this, Answer Me.
	Now, this is a compilation.
	This is Jim Goad's magazine, Answer Me.
	Very raunchy magazine.
	I'm not sure I can, like, here, I just open it up and it's about Richard Ramirez, the nice stalker.
	What a hunk.
	Gorgeous teen idol Richard, the night stalker, Ramirez, blows a kiss to his fans and promises I'll be out of jail soon.
	So that's the level of grossness that you would get from Answer Me.
	But it was mass murderers and clowns and good music too.
	And it was Jim Goad, really.
	And it was a major influence on vice, major influence.
	It kind of defined my writing style my entire career.
	But anyway, here's an article on page 114.
	Pederastic Park.
	Not by Jim Goad, but by Adam Parfrey.
	And there we have Coop doing a really good illustration of Steven Spielberg spanking the bottom of some Peter Pan type.
	But he really gets deep into it and talks about how strange Steven Spielberg is.
	He even talks about Jurassic Park and how a lot of pedophiles will use like big scary monsters to sort of intimidate you into silence.
	I couldn't help but think when I watched E.T., there was an element of that.
	I actually wrote an article in Vice, like Voice of Montreal, about, I went through E.T very carefully and I recommend you do the same and just watch it from the angle of, is this written by a pedophile?
	Because there's some weird shit in that movie.
	And I couldn't help but think that E.T. represents how you feel as a pedophile.
	Like, I'm ugly.
	I scare.
	Girls see me and run away.
	But I'm actually a sweet, sweet thing that just wants to touch your finger.
	Allow me into your life.
	The authorities, they want to take me away.
	They want to hurt me.
	They want to strap me to a gurney and throw me in a cage and dissect me.
	I'm safest as a secret.
	Shh.
	Just don't tell anyone.
	And there's candy.
	And I'll stay here with the candy and I'll hide in your closet and we can touch fingers, okay?
	I love the bad boys.
	And a cross-dresser.
	Don't trust mommy.
	Don't trust authority.
	Don't tell the police.
	Okay?
	I'm safest with you.
	The authorities, they want to hurt me and they want to take me away.
	And then our special relationship is gone forever.
	I want to fuck Drew Barrymore when she's a kid.
	Don't be a snitch.
	Is basically what we're getting from this.
	Look, we can fly away together in a sexual, magical space and have so much fun.
	That's what sex is like.
	It's a spaceship.
	Why do you keep rewinding it?
	With the footage.
	Enhance special effects.
	Ryan, you're not good at this.
	And there's a scene in it.
	So there's so many weird scenes.
	At one point, the big brother is yelling at the little brother.
	And he goes, what would you know, cum breath?
	Pardon me?
	Big brothers don't call their little brothers cum breath.
	How did he get cum on his breath, big brother?
	That's quite a graphic, disgusting rape imagination you have there.
	And there's another weird scene where they miss their dad.
	I guess he's getting divorced or he's away on business or something.
	And they find his shirt, I don't know, in the laundry or something or hanging on a coat hook or a chair.
	And they go, one of them picks it up and he goes, smelling a white dress shirt.
	And he goes, it smells like dad.
	Smell it.
	And then he hands it to his brother, who also goes, like the idea of my sons doing that to one of my shirts is not even in the same multi-universe farthest galaxy.
	Never, ever would.
	That's not how young boys are about their dad.
	They might see a picture and go, I miss dad if I hadn't seen him in a year.
	They don't smell his fucking shirts.
	Oh, penis breath.
	Sorry.
	It was not cum breath.
	Penis breath.
	That's a pretty elaborate blowjob insult, is it not?
	Anyway, there's more.
	And I encourage you to research this on your own and make your own decisions.
	But as we see in Jim Goad's book, oh, sorry, a game of how to play.
	Look, this is the rape game just fell out of this magazine.
	That kind of sums up what Answer Me was like.
	That was the fourth issue, and everyone thought that went too far.
	I think actually Richard de Ramirez, the Hillside Strangler, told Jim that he didn't like the rape issue.
	He thought it went a little too far.
	That's a mass murderer.
	But anyway, there was a book.
	See if you can dig this up.
	There was a book, the pedophilic fantasy novel Dance of the Warriors.
	And it's by a guy named Kevin Esser.
	Dance of the Warriors.
	And it features prepubescent boys dressed up with war paint and sort of like a mad Maxian orphan kind of a look.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Now, doesn't that remind you of Rufio and the gang from The Lost Boys of Hook?
	Lots of body painting in that movie.
	Here's Robin Williams.
	You can't really see this, but here's Robin Williams having his body painted by The Lost Boys.
	There's The Lost Boys there, right?
	The Lost Boys of Peter Pan.
	And there's the book we just showed you.
	Do you see the similarity there?
	Like it's one thing to make movies for kids.
	It's another thing to make movies with kids for yourself.
	And there's just something really fishy going on about this fucking pig, Steven Spielberg.
	I can't prove it, but watch some of his movies with a more dubious eye.
	Okay?
	And speaking of, oh wait, Indiana Jones, he slept with like a child.
	There was like a child in love with him and he was in love with her.
	Remember?
	Anthony always talks about.
	Indiana Jones?
	Oh, yeah.
	You don't mean big?
	No.
	He was in love with a child and a child was in love with him.
	Yeah.
	And you mean the little Asian boy?
	No, there was a girl.
	Oh.
	He also talks about, here we go.
	Indiana Jones was an abusive creep, but he was almost much worse.
	Marion.
	Hello, Marion.
	Indiana Jones says, I'd always knew somebody'd walk through my door.
	I never doubted that.
	Something's so inevitable.
	What are you doing in Nepal?
	Father collected.
	I want to know you.
	Well, let's see.
	I was a child.
	I was in love.
	It was wrong, and you knew it.
	You knew what you were doing.
	Do you hear that?
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	I was a child.
	I was in love.
	It was wrong and you knew it.
	And you'll notice, by the way, when a pedophile is called out for raping a child, the reaction is like, ha ha, now I do.
	This is my place.
	Get lost.
	As opposed to like, and the movie's over.
	No, it's like, you cad.
	Well, you're a bum.
	Get out of my office.
	Yeah, I raped you and I do it again.
	In other words, also sending the message to kids, like, don't fucking be a snitch or you'll just get kicked out.
	Yeah, but Gavin, you're talking about these children and you're showing examples of them being brainwashed into not reporting.
	Yes.
	I'm also saying you have to overcome that stigma if you were raped and tell us about it, not ask for money or bring it up 30, 30, 34 years later.
	That's fucking gross.
	Does he have footage of that, though?
	This is pretty bad.
	The transcript of the meeting, because it was originally supposed to be worse.
	And this guy says, I like it if they already had a relationship at one point because then you don't have to build it.
	George Lucas says, guess he was like involved.
	He says, I was thinking that this old guy could have been his mentor.
	He could have known this little girl when she was just a kid.
	He had an affair with her when she was 11.
	And then he says, and he was 42.
	And he says, yeah, he hasn't seen her 12 years.
	Now she's 22.
	A real strange relationship.
	And then Spielberg said, she had better been older than 22.
	Lucas says, he's 35, and he knew her 10 years ago when he was 25, and she was only 12.
	It would be amusing to make her slightly young at the time.
	And promiscuously.
	And promiscuous.
	Yeah, she came onto him when she was 11.
	Wow.
	She got super horny.
	And then she has pictures of him.
	15 is right on the edge.
	I know it's an outrageous idea.
	She has pictures of him.
	They were body painting.
	Wow.
	We owe reprobates.
	Aren't they all disgusting?
	Speaking of disgusting, we should get Copper Cab on.
	I was watching his last episode, episode 3.
	It's just him eating food constantly.
	Now, a long time ago, I'd said, I'll give you my channel and you can redeem yourself.
	Stop screaming all the time.
	Stop being a fucking pig.
	Be a man.
	Maybe meet girls.
	Maybe have some romance thing.
	You could even do a food show.
	But he's just screaming his head off with dildos everywhere.
	Buying food and eating.
	Eating Sundays.
	This is Copper Cab's show.
	He's just being more of a fat, disgusting pig.
	So I want to ask him about that.
	Can you dig him up?
	I know he's not easy to get a hold of because he's always sleeping.
	And the only way you can get him to call you back is to offer him food money.
	Food money.
	But wait, before we get to Copper Cab, I want to look at something that was everyone's talking about.
	It'll be old news tomorrow.
	This family, I think, loses their mother and their house burns down.
	This is 1.7.
	And so the local news affiliate decides to save the day and help them by buying them a new house.
	They took a collection, and there was a show based on this, but they took a collection in the community.
	They managed to raise $90,000.
	It's not a very wealthy neighborhood, so that bought them a beautiful new house.
	So here is a guy presenting them with their brand new home.
	Somebody's about to get an ABC 13 umbrella who's been going through a tough time recently.
	So sorry, stop, stop.
	I misspoke.
	Like I did with Chris Hardball's rape.
	It appears they're not getting a new home.
	They're getting an umbrella.
	Brand new.
	Brand new.
	I don't give people used umbrellas when their house burns down.
	Here, go back.
	Somebody's about to get an ABC-13 umbrella who's been going through a tough time recently.
	So we're going to go meeting.
	If the boss says this, say no.
	The fire broke out at Mary's home on Mill Road in Clover Monday night and destroyed almost everything.
	She held dear.
	We're up to see my home burning up and then...
	Finally, that night, my sister passed away on her way to my house.
	Her daughter reached out to ABC 13 about her extraordinary loss.
	Just passed away.
	So her sister died.
	I assume she had a heart attack from stress going to the fire.
	And they're like, fear no more.
	Things are changing.
	Here's an umbrella.
	You can even use it when it's not raining.
	Look at that.
	You can use it in the sun.
	You can maybe save your last eye.
	That's like wearing a party hat at a funeral.
	It's just look at what they have her doing.
	Her daughter reached out to ABC 13 about her extraordinary loss.
	And today, chief meteorologist George Flickinger set out.
	Even hated sunglasses.
	Like, you're there to console someone.
	Don't have sunglasses on your stupid women's pajama top.
	We have an umbrella, and I've never actually signed one of these before.
	Oh, what a.
	You have your own ABC-13 umbrella.
	Oh, okay.
	To you, bringing you sunshine on a rainy day.
	George and I got to talk with Mary and three of her daughters.
	They traded in for $5,000.
	Unfortunately, the meteorologist was stabbed in the chest with the umbrella, puncturing his heart.
	And he joins the list of sad, tragic cases in this small town this week.
	Back to you, Greg.
	Just how tough things have been for their family.
	Somebody's about to get an ABC.
	That's crazy.
	Pretty awesome, huh?
	All right.
	Now that we're in the right mood, we've had a palate cleanser.
	If you're dealing with that kind of thing, whatever you bring that family has to be over $10,000.
	I know a new home is a bit much, especially if you're doing collection, but start a GoFundMe or something.
	Give her $10,000.
	The station probably has $10,000.
	Take a collection there, $1,000 each.
	A signed ABC 13 umbrella.
	I would be so embarrassed to have an umbrella that a meteorologist had signed.
	It's a long story.
	I did not ask for it.
	You know, it's secretly the funniest thing that could have ever happened to them.
	So maybe it's like, this dude gave us an umbrella afterwards.
	You would never believe it.
	Now they get to make fun of this guy.
	Thank you, ABC 13.
	Yeah.
	But thank you more for having absolutely no grasp of reality.
	Like, how could you not see that that was going to be ridiculed by everyone in the world all the way from your shitty town up to New York City?
	Not that New York City isn't shitty.
	Thank you, de Blasio.
	All right, let's get Copper Cab on.
	Copper Cab.
	It really waters me down.
	Hello?
	Hi, Gavin.
	How are you doing?
	Not great.
	Hi.
	I've been trying to get a hold of you for a while.
	Aww, I'm sorry.
	I just got confused because I thought you were already here.
	See, I just took a fat fucking shit and I thought it was you.
	I thought you were here with me already.
	I thought I was doing the interview.
	I was in the back room talking to the shit.
	Thinking it was you, Gavin.
	Well, I see you do something besides eat.
	That was refreshing.
	Yeah, Gavin.
	Everyone shits.
	Even feminists.
	What?
	What is on your forehead?
	What's on my forehead?
	Oh, you don't know what that is?
	That's the feminist symbol.
	That's the female symbol.
	That's a sign.
	I'm wearing it for the rest of the year and on your show to get across the point.
	That man can also support women.
	Okay.
	You know, judging by what I've seen from your show so far, it should just be a hamburger on your forehead.
	Because all you do is eat.
	It's like when you came here to New York and your first priority was, I need food money.
	What?
	I said, I have to eat.
	If I don't eat, I will die.
	Don't you understand that?
	We don't all feed off of pure fucking hatred like you, you piece of shit.
	I don't see you starving to death anytime soon.
	You could go on a hunger strike and we'd check in on you in about a year.
	Why would you fat?
	Why are you trying to fat-shame me?
	You think that this is fat?
	You think that this is fat?
	This is pure fucking manliness.
	More manly than you ever were.
	The reason I gave you a show was to redeem yourself.
	And I hope that you, now that you're over this stupid trans shit, that you could show that you could be a normal human being.
	And I tune in to like last episode, for example, and you're just getting Sundays, getting hamburgers, going to Pen Aaron.
	You have to eat, Kevin.
	I have to eat.
	Everyone wants a Sunday, okay?
	It's not a big deal.
	And you know what?
	I've taken with that money that you've given me.
	You stuffed it into your face like a fat pig?
	No!
	I got an apartment.
	I got my own house.
	I moved out to the house.
	Oh, good.
	A place you can eat with shelves.
	You won't get rain on your hamburgers.
	That's the only reason you have an apartment.
	To eat better, to be able to sit down while you stuff your fat face.
	Shut up.
	I am not fat, okay?
	Does this look fat to you?
	That looks like a baby's vagina.
	What?
	Your ass looks like a baby's vagina.
	Don't first of all, why do you know what a baby's vagina looks like, you sick fuck freak?
	I've got a bed here.
	I've had a baby before.
	I've had several times.
	Okay, working on getting it furnished.
	Uh-huh, you're frozen now.
	What?
	There's a dildo.
	You froze for a sec.
	Did you just flash a dildo?
	No, I didn't flash a dildo.
	That Wasn't a dildo.
	What was it?
	It's a lightsaber.
	It was a lightsaber.
	It was a lightsaber.
	So, not only did you find a girl, which shocked me, by the way, that you have a girlfriend, but you found a girlfriend who will peg you.
	That's quite an accomplishment.
	No, that's my sister.
	That's my half-sister Aubrey, you fucking idiot.
	Do some better research.
	But did you say on your show that you guys were dating?
	No, we're not dating.
	I never once said that we're dating.
	Why do you try to say that?
	Why do you try to kiss her all the time then, you weird fat creep with a woman similarity?
	I love her and she's beautiful and she doesn't mind if I kiss her.
	Yeah, she seems to mind quite a bit, actually.
	Hey, I noticed you have a trend.
	She doesn't.
	If she didn't mind, she would just tell me and I would stop because consent matters, Gavin.
	Rule number one in feminism, consent.
	So you'd like to have sex with your sister?
	Well, of course.
	She's fucking beautiful, but I'm not going to because it's weird, obviously.
	She's my half-sister.
	It'd only be weird because it's like the half.
	The bottom half is my sister.
	Well, top half isn't.
	If you do end up having sex with your sister and you make a baby, it will likely be retarded, which is someone you could finally relate to.
	I think that would be a great father-son trip.
	You guys could go to the zoo and look at monkeys.
	Try to compete for bananas.
	You shame, you shame special blood people.
	You shame fat people.
	Okay?
	That doesn't look like a lightsaber.
	You shame my fucking sister, you piece of shit.
	Your lightsaber is alarmingly penile.
	Because, Davin, we know that the number one thing that causes pain in this world is a fucking dick.
	A lightsaber is obviously the shape.
	My lightsaber is the shape of a dick because I use what I feared most to strike down my enemies.
	I am like Batman.
	Are you still gay?
	I don't understand.
	You clearly get pegged.
	What was the trans thing?
	How did that die?
	First of all, do not bring up my past.
	Okay?
	Don't bring up my past on the show.
	We're talking about the colours.
	What the hell did we just see?
	No, no, no.
	Okay, obviously, I'm not identifying as a female.
	Okay?
	I was shamed.
	Okay, I was going through a confusing time.
	All right.
	The fucking hormones didn't work well with my body, gave me heart problems.
	I don't need more problems than I already have.
	No, you definitely don't.
	Your biggest problem is where you're going to get your next food fix, you fat cow.
	I am not fat.
	I'm not fat.
	Look at me.
	Actually, look at me, Gavin.
	Look at me.
	I've known you for a long time.
	You've never not been going through a complicated time.
	Oh, yeah, when you elongated, it looks good.
	Thank you, Gavin.
	Oh, my God.
	I actually got a compliment.
	I actually got a fucking compliment.
	Let me just pat myself on the fucking back.
	I got a fucking compliment with Gavin McKinnis.
	Gangling McKinnis.
	Where are you right now?
	Are you still in Georgia, baby cunt?
	No, I'm in Kansas with my sister.
	And you went there because Mima was making too much meat?
	Yes.
	Every single time I would open the fridge to the house, okay, the fucking fridge, there would be eggs.
	Okay?
	Baby fetuses.
	Animal fucking fetuses.
	Little beautiful cages or little hatches where babies would be held gently in a very, you know, it's all coming back to me now.
	I don't want to talk about it, okay?
	There was murder in the fridge.
	And I'm not going to be around murder.
	I don't care.
	I love my Mima.
	But I'm not going to put up with that bullshit.
	She's going to continue to fucking insist on insulting my conscience by putting murder in the fucking fridge.
	I got to say, when Mima comes on the show, it's like finally a moment of sanity in a show gone mad.
	She seems to be the only one with any kind of intellect.
	I never thought I'd see an inbred hillbilly as a relief.
	Don't you dare call my Mima Hillbilly.
	She is more reasonable and intelligent than you ever will be.
	And stop shaving people.
	Oh, I'm up there in Jesus.
	I'm from North.
	I'm from fucking North.
	I'm from fucking Scotland.
	She is a relief.
	When I see that little cartoon graphic appear, I just sort of go, Phew.
	We can finally hear a point that isn't some screaming Sunday eating feminist with a dildo up his ass.
	What the hell?
	What are you going to put her on his show anymore, Gavin?
	What?
	I'm not going to put her on the fucking show anymore.
	So don't fuck yourself.
	She pissed me off with the eggs.
	Yeah, you'll put up your show.
	Because you need the burger money.
	Or as you put it, food money.
	Yeah, it's fucking food money, Gavin.
	Everyone knows what food money is.
	It's when you go somewhere, okay, and you have to have food.
	You need to eat.
	You shouldn't have to pay for the food when you go on a vacation, okay?
	Or on a work thing.
	You have to be.
	Oh, I see.
	Your life is just very big vacation.
	What are you doing?
	Have you ever swung a hammer in your life?
	Have you ever done anything?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I have, actually.
	Yeah, I have.
	What did you do?
	I've done many things.
	Lots of things.
	Okay, what was your job?
	What was my job?
	Have you ever had a real job?
	Yes.
	The very first job I had before, you know, YouTube and TV and stuff, I did pizzas.
	I worked at a place called Domino's.
	I'm on the few part of this.
	Pizzas, what did you do?
	Fuck them?
	No, Davin.
	I kissed one or two, but I ate those pizzas.
	They were the ones that I made for myself.
	But I've never fucked a pizza.
	Why are you thinking things?
	Why is it always sex with you, Gavin?
	Because you said you did pizzas.
	What are you going to do today, for example?
	What are you going to do today?
	What's on the agenda for today?
	Well, today, today, ladies and children, I'm going to be making this show.
	I'm going to be filming a new episode for Gaping Amos.
	Oh, I'm sorry, Gaping Nick Amos.
	I'm so sorry.
	Okay, let me guess.
	In this episode, New York, when I fight you again, which I won a rematch, you piece of fucking garbage.
	You're cheating.
	Tell everyone right now if I won.
	Tell everyone right now that I won the fight.
	Punching you was like punching a shower curtain.
	There was nothing in it.
	Like you're fat, but there's no fat in you.
	You're just like an empty deflated bag.
	This is punching, this is punching the copper cap.
	Is it pink?
	Is that a pink and purple shower curtain?
	That's your new nickname, pink and purple shower curtain.
	Yeah, actually, it is.
	Oh, oh, funny enough, and don't you fucking don't call me names.
	I want to show you something, Gavin.
	Look at what I've got for you.
	Look what I got, my fucking towels in my bathroom.
	Okay?
	Look at this.
	Oh, it's me and my sister, because I'm a white knight.
	Yes, I said it.
	Wow.
	Okay.
	This is a graphic.
	Oh, who's that?
	Who's that Trump supporting bigot with the broken glasses and the fucking stupid dumbass beard hiding no fucking chin, which I punched in New York?
	Look at that with the little Trump supporting fucking zombies.
	Yes.
	When I rescued the beautiful female damsel in distress.
	Of all I cared to do with that image, to make it into a towel would be like number 97 on my list.
	Why wouldn't you frame it or make it a poster or something?
	Why a towel?
	You want to wipe your balls on it?
	You want to wipe your balls on my face?
	That's exactly what I want to do, you piece of fucking human, diseased flesh-eating piece of garbage.
	You micro.
	You coronavirus spreading son of a bitch.
	That's exactly what I plan to do to you is wipe my asshole.
	You will be eating.
	That's why I had your mouth open.
	You're going to eat my asshole every time I take a shower.
	Jesus.
	Every fucking time.
	And guess what?
	I'll get my Mimo to come on your show.
	Please do.
	Please do.
	She is the intellectual of the Copper Cab family.
	She'll tell you how smart I am.
	You can talk to her and ask her about how I was living with her and how I was offline and off camera.
	She'll tell you what a sweet person I am.
	Yeah, okay.
	Well, Copper Cab, thanks for coming on the show.
	Good luck tomorrow or today, actually, shooting your show, which I guess will include you stuffing your face full of junk food and screaming at your half-sister who you want to have sex with.
	I don't.
	Shut up, Gavin.
	Just shut the fuck up.
	I don't want to be on your show.
	Don't ask me to come.
	I'm sign up on this plan.
	This is ridiculous.
	Fuck you, Gavin.
	Speaking of cringe, have you seen this Harley-Davidson ad where they go fishing?
	Like, I don't even understand it.
	Am I supposed to believe that guys on Harley's, and this must have been hard to cast, by the way, Harley-Davidson of NYC, I bet the budget for this was eight grand.
	So you get a bunch of guys on motorbikes.
	That's a challenge already.
	You know, to get them all together and you have to pay them, I guess.
	But then the writing for this is what we do here in New York City is we hop on our bikes and just randomly pick up chicks.
	Then they forget where they were going.
	Their errand is over and they join us and come back to the bar we're at and hang out and party.
	Because we live in what?
	The Congo?
	Like I can think of some shithole country where owning a motorcycle would be impressive, but it ain't New York.
	Look at this.
	What a dork.
	Look at his brand new boots.
	All right, boys, let's go fishing.
	That guy's got to be Jewish from Long Island, right?
	He's a Goomba from Queens.
	None of them are from New York City.
	Proper.
	Okay, so some ridiculous slut is walking down the street.
	And all he does is just hand her a helmet.
	I'm in.
	I'm an absolute whore.
	This one at least has some sort of logic to it.
	I was going to get in a taxi, but this looked like more fun.
	Maybe if you knew him?
	Maybe.
	Another supermodel is finding her way there.
	She just walks up to him.
	Hey, you want a free helmet?
	You can use it as a salad bowl.
	And look at those sweet thighs.
	We don't know how he got his chick, but we assume it was more of the same.
	Wait, what?
	Holy shit.
	New York is slut central.
	Hey, what are you going to do?
	We're married.
	I like the color red.
	Ah, these stupid crotch rockets.
	Like, it's so fictional, it's a parody of Harley Davidson.
	This is actually an ad for Japanese motorcycles, and they're making fun of Harley riders.
	And what are they drinking, pop?
	Yeah.
	Hey, I know you're going to work, but would you like to get a cherry soda with a bunch of guidos from Queens?
	No?
	You don't want to drink different color jaritos?
	We have almost all the jaritos there are.
	We have lime, we have strawberry, we have the normal flavor.
	Don't get yellow, I got yellow.
	We have plain.
	Get red, I got yellow.
	Fine, I'll get red, but we can't have the same one.
	All right, shall we dig into the male bee?
	We shall.
	By the way, the audio better work on this show, Ryan, or I'm going to cut your tits off.
	I wanted to cut my own tits off.
	No, I did extensive testing.
	Do you want to explain what happened yesterday to the fans at home?
	I don't know the impotence.
	I'm just impotence.
	I'm kidding.
	What is the word?
	Impetus.
	Okay.
	I don't know what caused it, but I know I'm pissed about it.
	Because it was a great episode, and the doubling of the vocals ruined it.
	But I don't know what caused it to be like that, but about an hour of testing and recording, and I got to the bottom of it.
	I don't know what happened, but after an hour of testing, I got to the bottom of it.
	That means you know what happened.
	Well, I got to the solution, which is just to reset the board and build it from scratch again.
	So, by the way, nice framing on my image here.
	Well, it's because you're turning the other way.
	When you turn forward, it's fun.
	All right, shall we plow through these?
	Jesus Christ, there's already two more.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Wow, we started getting junkie already in the mailbag.
	That's a new one.
	All right, this is from Steve.
	Hey, Gavin Ryan, my husband and I love you and the show.
	Oh, sorry, Stevie.
	I'm a full-time stay-at-home mom with my son who will be two this summer.
	I truly enjoy it and find the experience to not only be fulfilling in terms of the time I get to spend with my boy, but also because I enjoy being at home, reading, writing, exercising, listening to podcasts, taking care of a home, and making it a nice place.
	How am I the bad guy for encouraging that, by the way?
	This is the misogynistic statement that they always say that I am and proud boys are guilty of.
	We want you to be happy.
	We see these women in the workforce miserable.
	Look at the woman who just destroyed Chris Matthews.
	Does she sound fulfilled?
	Actually, look her up.
	Laura Bassett, what are her other articles?
	Like, what's her canon?
	I'm guessing she comes up with ideas like, let's give a dying old lady an umbrella.
	Let's see the body of her work.
	Look up Michelle Malkin's accomplishments and the people she's gotten out of prison and the books she's written and the changes she's made.
	What's Laura done?
	The unhinged meltdown that wasn't.
	Why Donald Trump made the mistake, like go back, go back, of tweeting out that new instantly iconic photo of Nancy Pelosi.
	Okay, so her entire existence is predicated on shitting on Trump.
	That's why she was on Chris Matthews to talk about sexual assault.
	And then she ended up sexual assaulting, turning him, using the sexual assault media hype against him.
	What Elizabeth Warren's critics get wrong about discrimination?
	Okay.
	When does America reckon with the gravity of Donald Trump's alleged rapes?
	That's what she was on Chris Matthews for.
	Are there any more articles?
	This is from Washington Post now.
	Republican.
	So she's just a DNC publicist.
	The New York City power outage hits thousands in the heart of Manhattan.
	All right, that's boring local news.
	What's this?
	Georgia.
	You can star in Hamilton and still fear for your life as a black man.
	Oi Ve.
	Georgia domestic workers mobilize for Stacey Abrams in the birthplace of their movement.
	So, yeah, this is just DNC propaganda.
	This could be on the DNC's website.
	In Style Magazine.
	Weinstein.
	She's really obsessed with sexual assault.
	Maybe she wants to be sexually assaulted.
	Maybe she's disappointed that the worst she got is a guy going, I'm falling in love with you over here.
	You could offer me all sorts of money and prestige to return to work full-time, and I would not take it.
	It's more meaningful for me to raise my children.
	Gotcha.
	I cannot tell you how much shaming and judgment I receive from a woman on this issue.
	That's fucking infuriating.
	That is sexism.
	That is a bona fide example of true blue sexism.
	When you resent a woman for doing what she's biologically built to do, you're a fucking sexist.
	That is exactly like hating a black man because he's brown, which never happens.
	But with women, that true bona fide sexism happens.
	Many are shocked that I don't work, even though it can be quite hard work to take care of a baby.
	Yes, and shape a home, clean a home.
	If I'm cleaning the house, say my wife's away for a while, I'll put on like workout shoes.
	I'll put on nikes.
	Because you're lifting shit up and down the stairs.
	It's hard work.
	You sweat.
	I kind of like it though.
	And by the way, ladies, it is invigorating and it is a workout, but what takes you so long?
	I could do a whole house and all the laundry in four hours.
	And now the house is spotless and all the laundry is done and put away.
	Anyway, I'm contradicting myself here by saying it's hard and easy at the same time.
	Others imply I must be extremely bored, understimulated, lazy, not interacting with adults enough, or somehow a victim of some patriarchal brainwashing that caused me to betray feminism and women as a whole by staying in the home and not being employed.
	And we know that women in the workforce are constantly stimulated with intellectual discussions and challenges.
	No, they're pushing pencils.
	They're pencil pushers who keep appointments all day, maybe run social media.
	It's so tedious when you find what these women actually do for a living.
	Or it's some bullshit charity like the Department of Equality and Fairness in the Workforce.
	Like not actually building anything.
	In fact, you're a hindrance to the workforce.
	You're part of some bullshit committee.
	Remember when Gina Davis was it, had that women's summit and all the speakers, none of them were entrepreneurs like Barbara Corcoran, who had got in in New York real estate when it was bad, busted her ass, worked her way up, and is now a real estate mogul.
	None of them were like that.
	No, not that, Gina Davis.
	The chick from Earth Girls Are Easy.
	That's Gina Davis.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah.
	I thought you pulled it.
	I thought that black chick was Gina Davis.
	And I looked up the resumes of everyone who was doing a talk, and none of them had an actual job.
	It was always like the Center for Research and Women in Film.
	Like all philanthropy projects.
	Basically, it was all just like Gina Davis, women who had divorced rich guys and have so much fucking money that they just become philanthropists.
	Gina Davis has had like three divorces from billionaires.
	So she's just like farting money around.
	Caused me to betray feminism.
	I'm so fucking sick and tired of it, especially because what I do each day is far from binge-watching TV and eating bonbons on the couch, I have quite an enjoyable, active, intellectual, rich daily lifestyle.
	I live in a big city, so the majority of women I meet are ultra-liberal and super brainwashed by the media.
	Most of my friends are semi-Trump derangement syndrome, save for a couple I can open up to completely.
	The ultra-liberal liberal ones have no problem vocally and publicly stating how working is pro-women.
	She puts in brackets, how?
	And it's better than being at home and spouting all sorts of other radical left crap I don't even think they've thought twice about, Such as it's no big deal for an eight-year-old's parents to support their gender change.
	Yeah, isn't that funny?
	This is a great letter.
	You fucking care about women and children and society so much, yet you're happy to have children mutilate themselves.
	I wish more people had respect for the stay-at-home mom, who is not damaging children, by the way.
	She's not giving them hormones.
	She's holding them and loving them.
	You want to give them fucking bizarre drugs.
	We're like a back and forth here.
	We're like diamond and silk, me and this Stevie chick.
	Mother Nature's hella pissed.
	For the stay-at-home mom, I realize one can be just or even more invested in learning and being productive as one who reports to the office.
	Obviously, mostly I am sick and tired of all these fucking opinions.
	You venerate the housewife, so maybe a show on why it's so important to stay at home with the kids.
	Like you more than a friend, and I like your new sunglasses.
	You know what would be a cool idea?
	And again, we're not looking for ideas, folks.
	If we did an episode from like a kitchen with the housewife, and we did what she has to do all day.
	Changed some diapers.
	That seems fun.
	Did some laundry.
	We'll have to find one who's not far from New York.
	Hey, Gavin.
	This is Heather.
	A lot of chicks today.
	Are you watching the Two Corey's documentary that Corey Feldman is releasing next week?
	Yes.
	Apparently, he's been in talks with SAG about them adding provisions so children won't work on sets with convicted sex offenders.
	Shouldn't this have already been done some time ago, she says?
	What are your thoughts?
	Yeah.
	Well, what we're learning from Steven Spielberg is it appears.
	You got to be careful legally.
	It appears that this is the norm in Hollywood.
	Raping kids.
	Rape seems to be the norm.
	Harvey Weinstein is just a scapegoat.
	He was just part of the culture.
	You might as well throw Vince Neal in jail for letting a bunch of chicks suck him off.
	There were no kids involved in that, too.
	Grown women.
	Yeah.
	At least Molly Crew were with grown women.
	Although, when you look up like Led Zeppelin in the glory days of groupies, there's that 14-year-old they all had, that Jimmy Page had, that David Bowie and his wife fucked when she was 13.
	She's pretty hot.
	She's pretty convincing.
	Yes.
	Well, she's all dressed up with makeup on.
	Look that up, 14-year-old groupie.
	I think she was Puerto Rico.
	Yeah, I'm looking for on your on your page.
	It was actually, we put that clip up.
	I wrote about it, yeah.
	This is from Gene.
	What up, G-Doll?
	The other day you were talking about your friend Greg Lukianov.
	Not really my friend, but I have a lot of respect for him.
	He writes great books about free speech.
	Who eats in a weird way, cutting and eating small bites of his food.
	I know why he does that.
	Ryan, Google Greg Lukianov teeth.
	Is it Lukianoff or Lukianov?
	You can clearly see the dude has veneers on his front teeth.
	You don't bite food.
	Look, he's hiding his teeth in every picture.
	That's interesting.
	Oh, there we go.
	Yeah, it's Lukianov.
	Are those clearly veneers?
	I don't find that guy attractive.
	I'm glad he grew a beard.
	It's hard to find his food.
	You don't bite food when you have veneers.
	Interesting.
	That sucks.
	All right, let's go to our favorite new segment, the suggestion box.
	Ready?
	This is from Tony.
	Gavin, sorry I couldn't resist busting your balls a bit with the attached meme.
	All kidding aside, it must be super annoying to have to take all those selfies.
	And here we have a meme where I'm saying, like you're more than a friend.
	Stop asking for selfies.
	We're not friends.
	The only way I can avoid selfies is to say, you're not finding the meme there?
	What is the title?
	Gavin Meme, Busting Balls.
	Okay.
	But you could have just heard any part of that.
	Gotcha.
	Handholding here at Get Off My Lawn.
	Really well done meme there, loser.
	Yeah, I just say subscribe to Censored TV and I'll do all the selfies you want.
	It cuts down your selfies by half.
	Maybe there's a better way for big fans to approach, like a secret handshake of sorts.
	So you know who's really a member of Censored.
	We can agree on something like, can I buy you a bud?
	Then you know it's legit.
	Anyway, like you're more than a friend, I promise to never ask for a selfie.
	So this guy's suggestion, and I am desperate for more suggestions, is to make up a secret handshake on the show that censored.tv subscribers will know of.
	What are you doing right now?
	Looking for the porn star girl 14.
	Pornstar Girl.
	Rockstars Girl 14.
	So don't do that, right?
	You're already like two letters behind.
	You look up 14-year-old groupie, Rock, Jimmy Page.
	Why do I have to train you live?
	Pornstar?
	I just said porn star, but I was know what I was looking for.
	Anyway, Secret Handshake is a stupid idea.
	I'm not looking for suggestions.
	And it came with a blank page.
	And when I ask people if they're on censored.tv, there we go.
	What's her name?
	That's not her.
	What's her name?
	Lori Maddox.
	L-O-R-I-M-A-T-T-I-X.
	Now, this is a 14-year-old who manages...
	There she is in that picture.
	So you can see, like, 14-year-olds with makeup and stuff, there she is today, can make themselves look very pretty like an adult woman.
	But that doesn't mean it's okay to fuck kids, Keith Moon.
	She looks young.
	You can tell in her eyes.
	Anyway, the idea of giving a secret headshake, when I ask people, are you on censored.tv?
	That's enough.
	I get it out there.
	I'm not About to sit there and verify.
	I didn't tell you that my problem was when I asked them this, I can't truly verify it.
	So, your true verification trick there is a waste of my fucking time.
	This is from Tibbs.
	Hey, man, last Gary's mailbag, he mentioned he needed a manicure.
	Next show, have Ryan give him a manny petty while he does the mailbag.
	Not a fan of that?
	So, you're gonna sit there, buy a bunch of manny-petty tools, the file and everything, and then start brushing away at his disgusting fingers to amuse someone?
	I couldn't.
	Yeah, why don't we have Ryan wash his foreskin while we're at it?
	That'd be a funny episode.
	That would be a bad idea.
	Last suggestion here.
	Why don't you guys start your own show?
	I don't sit here desperate for suggestions.
	Make it that your show.
	And then, by the way, show me your shitty show and you'll realize how much you suck and how hard it is to do this and how we're not exactly sitting here twiddling our thumbs.
	It's like when I said to Joe Rogan, I go, you must get a lot of people suggesting guests.
	And he goes, Yeah, all the time, and I don't know why.
	I go, you're not looking for guests, are you?
	He goes, no, I got them backed up.
	I've got dozens of people I want to talk to.
	I'm good for the next five years of guests.
	But people go, you know, you should really get on the guy who invented the pomegranate.
	He's really interesting.
	I just heard him on a health show.
	I bet fucking Rogan gets billions of those.
	He should have a suggestion box.
	Dear Gavin, when I was in grade school, us boys would sing the Village People's YMCA, but we replaced the original refrain with, why are you gay?
	This is before the African, of course.
	Maybe one of your viewers could edit some of your clips up to replicate this feat of childish mischief.
	What?
	Why are you gay?
	So now he wants us to make a video of that with YMCA?
	And maybe you could send Ryan to blast it at the Boomer Bishops next time they meet in a luxury hotel to tell Trump supporters they're mean.
	Okay, oh, so he doesn't want a video.
	He just wants someone to re-record the Village People's YMCA, but make it why are you gay?
	Right.
	What?
	Thank you.
	Go.
	I have to.
	Okay.
	Why are you gay?
	Why are you gay?
	No, you gotta do it with the chorus.
	To have a gay time.
	Young man.
	Young men.
	I like to wash off their balls and do other things that's homosexual and do other stuff.
	But nothing.
	So that's some guy telling me that I gotta go sit in Pro Tools and make a song now?
	What?
	I'm like that dude on Stern who makes songs for people.
	What are you good?
	Oh, that's just the musical?
	What?
	Yeah, the instrumental.
	I'm not looking for homework assignments, father.
	That was a priest.
	Oh, I see.
	Okay, are we done?
	Sure, sure.
	Sure, sure.
	Fun show.
	Fun show.
	Let's hope and pray the audio works.
	And let's thoroughly enjoy this Civil War.
	And poor Chris Matthews, you got fucked, dude.
	I don't like you.
	I think you're a leftist twat, but I'm not blind to when I see someone get fucked over.
	I can't help but call it out.
	I used to say, let's try to be more partisan and just say, fuck you, haha, bitch.
	You got to taste your own medicine, lefties.
	And I tried that, and it's just not in me.
	I can't be unfair.
	I can't be petty like that.
	I'm too wonderful.
	Anyway, we always end with a fun video.
	This is a great fight called Don't Bring a Bat to a Fist Fight.
	Now, I've always thought bats were a dumb move because to connect, the gods have to be on your side.
	You're going to be too far away or too close.
	And then you have one swing, and after that it's over.
	And, you know, if I put up my arm, I'm probably not going to get my arm broken.
	I'm going to get a bad welt and it's going to hurt like hell.
	But it's not that great of a weapon.
	All the dude has to do is run at you right now, and you're not going to have time to whine back.
	So he just goes at your waist.
	Turn it up.
	He got set, bro.
	I want you.
	So I want.
	I want you to see it.
	I want you to.
	I want a white bitch.
	You a whole ass bitch.
	I want you.
	I want you.
	White people always steal this kind of dialogue because it is pretty good.
	I know they don't want you shit.
	They don't want shit.
	Look, he's just trying to find the right time.
	Hold up.
	I'm going to get in the motherfucking shit.
	Kick was a bad move.
	Okay, stop.
	Three, four.
	Keep going.
	No, no, I'm talking to him.
	He got a bad weekend, nigga.
	I hate seeing it.
	24 punches too many.
	That would technically be.
	That's attempted murder at this point.
	But that's a bat-worthy amount of Maybe he was like, this is what you were going to do to me.
	I don't know.
	I think it was worse.
	Because the concussion of a bat sends your brain to the other side.
	It might crack your skull open or something.
	But outside of that, it's one concussion.
	This guy was getting concussion after concussion after concussion.
	And they say the way you die from concussions is, like in boxing, your brain hits the front of your skull, then you hit the mat and hits the back of your skull.
	Then you bounce up.
	So it's like not the boom.
	It's the boom, boom, boom.
	And this guy was getting boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like a bump stock.
	And there's a lot of like nose and orbital bone and lips.
	A lot of mouth.
	Yeah, I'm not worried about that.
	That's horrible, though.
	That's going to be facial reconstruction.
	But it's the brain I'm worried about.
	This face looks pretty intact.
	That's what the skirt card is.
	I think he's inhaling the blood.
	Oh, yeah, listen.
	Put him on his belly.
	They say he's snoring because they're fucking ignorant.
	He's choking on his blood.
	I've had my nose broken badly before, and when it's not coming out of your nose, you're drinking it like you're drinking a pint.
	Like, oh, jeez.
	He's now chugging blood, possibly choking to death.
	Get him on his side.
	You animals.
	There you go.
	No, that's not.
	No.
	And don't pick him up.
	People always want to pick up a guy who's been knocked unconscious.
	Why?
	Is he late for work?
	Let him lie there for a while.
	Get that blood out of his face.
	And folks at home, if you're beating the living shit out of someone, once they're unconscious, please stop.
	We don't like looking at it.
	There's nothing worse than seeing an unconscious man going kicked in the head.
	It's just so inhuman.
	And if not hitting a man when he's down, knocking out an unconscious person is going to get you in trouble with the crew, then get in trouble with the crew.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	and never stop fighting.
	You know me better than that.
	You know I love you like that.
	It really waters me down.
	You know me better than that.
	You know I hate it like that.
	It really waters me down.

▲