All Episodes
Previous Next
Feb. 26, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:13:00
S02E130 - NO PAIN NO ROGAIN [2020-02-26 - S02E130 - NO PAIN NO ROGAIN]
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Isn't it weird that we listened to the village people talk about fucking each other and danced around discos?
Is that what they were talking about?
Yeah.
Macho Man.
I want a 69, another big muscular man in a big upside-down man sandwich.
That's off topic.
We were talking about.
Sandwich.
You know, I used to, I had a tape with YMCA.
Okay.
I had a tape with YMCA as like a seven-year-old.
And I remember taking a walk listening to YMCA and loving it.
Yeah.
You know why they love the YMCA?
Why?
Because you get to go there and fuck young men.
Oh, my God.
I didn't know that.
I thought you worked out and did sports.
Yeah, you do that too.
You go in there, you get in shape, and then you have a good, good old-fashioned blue job at the end of the sesh.
A reaming.
Right.
Hey, can you guys fuck over there, please?
This is disgusting.
God.
I want to talk about gays later on.
But we played Macho Man because, and I know this is old news, but we're just, I'm recovering from my Mets vacation.
He was in India, and they played that song.
Hell of a juxtaposition from Trudeau's visit.
Justin Trudeau goes there and tries to kiss their ass and dresses up.
He loves dressing up, including Blackface.
But what is that?
So that's the stadium where he was at?
Massive.
It's the thing about India, though.
It's just like people are ants there.
Yeah.
If 700,000 people show up to something, it might be like Slash from Guns N' Roses was going to play a kazoo for two minutes.
That wouldn't remotely surprise me.
I just go, oh, go back to that meme that I was just talking about.
Oh, why was this?
This image has not come up.
No, just play it in there.
See, that's what's happening on my computer.
I double-click things and they don't.
Oh, that's the actual image itself.
Okay.
Yeah, Justin Trudeau snubbed by Indian PM as he lands in New Delhi.
Look at him.
Hello, we are here to do your party time.
We love India.
Look, I got the outfits.
They got the outfits in advance, you'll notice.
They're getting off the plane.
So they must have had them FedExed to Canada, then on the plane.
Okay, everyone, we're landing in one hour.
Guys, let's get our costumes on.
Love their party city receipt hanging out of his pocket.
No, no, no, no.
Justin Trudeau spares no expense for his costumes.
He had someone in India get all the sizes.
This is a big deal.
And then they shipped them over, and then they tried them on once or twice.
Justin and his wife had sex in them.
They're a very sexual couple, which I'm pro-family here.
I always encourage sex in a marriage.
but in this instance, it makes my toes curl.
And then what happens when And then what happens when Trump shows up?
Big hug.
What are those white lines?
Oh, those are hats.
Oh, that was confusing.
I thought he had part of his outfit was a blazer with 30 knives sticking out of one side.
It's an old warrior blazer I have from the independence world with Pakistan.
Pakistan.
Zinzabad, Pakistan.
Allah Akbir!
What is that from?
That's a chant they have in Pakistan.
Allahu Akbir?
Yeah.
Allah Akbir?
I think it means free beer for Allah.
Oh, okay, so it is beer.
Yeah.
It's not a miss.
Okay, I thought it missed.
There's a misunderstanding with the 72 virgins.
It's 72 beers.
You know, which is too many beers.
I don't want that many beers.
Who would agree?
Be bloated.
That's disgusting amounts of beers.
Oh, shit.
Speaking of that, Lent is coming.
I ate meat every day growing up in India, beef, chicken, and pork, even toad.
Many Hindus also eat meat, and as of course do Muslims and others.
The idea that Trump is in for a dietary shock in India simply reflects CNN's cultural ignorance.
Yeah, exactly.
That's what I was saying with Black History Month, that thing I put on my YouTube channel.
These people don't like, this is actually a much bigger picture, sorry.
These people don't like what they're talking about.
They're not genuine.
That's what I hate.
I hate liars because liars waste my time.
I'm a curious gentleman, as are you.
I want to know stuff.
So when someone's talking about immigration, they go, we're a nation of immigrants.
They're putting kids in cages and all these other platitudes.
I always say, how many immigrants, how many illegals are there in this country?
And they'll say numbers ranging from 1 million to, I'm not exaggerating, 9 billion.
A woman, lesbian with dreads, said 9 billion to me once.
And you go, okay, so you're not genuinely interested in it.
You don't know.
You don't understand.
You're not familiar with any of the terms.
Fuck off and stop wasting my time.
Similarly, environmentalists, as we discussed yesterday, they say, oh, Mother Earth, I'm really into the Earth.
And we only have one Earth.
Don't throw it away.
And don't hurt nature.
Nature is wonderful.
We're made of nature.
And then you talk to some redneck and he's like, that's a crackle.
They're looking for bugs on the hull of the boat.
And that there's long grass.
The salamanders love long grass.
It gives them shade and all that shit.
They know their shit because they genuinely care.
And these people at CNN who pretend that they are into multiculturalism don't actually know anything About India.
Never been.
They don't know Indians even.
And Black History Month.
Black History Month is all blacks doing white things.
Like, hi, I'm a painter and I'm raising money for the environment.
It's called African Tree Nation that we do.
And we're also taking donations for an African drum circle awareness class that you can take, white person.
It was announced on NPR.
It's never truly black.
It's never collared greens.
It's never chitlins and grits.
It's never black eyed peas.
You know what I mean?
Similarly with this shit.
So yeah, you pretend you love India and you think because a large percentage of Hindus worship cows that no one there eats fucking meat.
Yes, vegetarianism is prevalent there.
It's a massive swap.
President Trump, who's died as off in a rotation of steaks, burgers, and meatloaf, faces a potential shock as he prepares to travel to India where Hindus are the majority and cows are revered as sacred.
Because I read that once.
I don't know that to be true.
I just think it's true.
And I don't know to what extent it's true.
Ron Coleman says, how old are you?
I was just talking to Ron Coleman.
I was on the plane and there was some Hasid.
My son was saying, should I learn Chinese?
And I go, no, sorry.
French.
And I go, I could help you with it, but no, you're never going to, when did you last hear me speak French?
I said, Spanish makes sense.
And then on the plane in New York City, I was thinking, Yiddish.
Hasids do a lot of business in New York.
And if you're in construction or something, it would be very beneficial to speak Yiddish to these Hasids and say, get the fuck off my construction site.
No, just kidding.
It's the new show.
Yeah.
I wrote an article once for Tacky Mag about bumping into a Hasid on the plane, and we talked for the whole ride.
And as someone from Montreal, upstate New York, and Williamsburg, Brooklyn, I have never not been around Hasids since I was 18.
So they're not weird to me.
Yeah, they're not weird.
But they are weird.
But they are weird.
But not to me.
But not strange.
They're not foreign.
So anyway, in the article, I talk about how we got along and I was, what are you doing?
You're just going to 100% of all my articles?
Yes.
So anyway, we got along.
There we go.
Six hours with a Hasid.
So when I first wrote this article, so we talk and we have a lot.
We have very different lifestyles and we realize that our differences are few and we both love our families and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
It was kind of a schmaltzy, love-y article.
And then it ended with like, okay, bye, I'll see you around.
And we have each other's number or whatever.
And I thought, that's too, I thought, no, let me make a funnier ending than that schmaltzy sort of like perfect happy ending.
And I wrote, and as he walked down the aisle in front of me, texted the plane, I looked at him and I just thought, fuck you, Jew.
So I wrote it and I sent it to Amandalina Theodoracropolis.
And she goes, I can't run this.
No, we're not doing that.
And I go, it's clearly a joke.
I got along with them the whole time.
And it's also kind of a parody of anti-Semitism because they're unshakable.
She's like, no, give it to someone else.
So I was working at the Daily Caller at the time.
I had a column at the Daily Caller.
I had worked for them.
Was it the Daily Caller?
Something like that.
Yeah, it's pretty sure it was a Daily Caller because I remember considering calling Tucker.
So I'd written a couple articles for them and I sent it to them and they sent me back an email saying, we will be paring down our contributors now just for financial reasons.
So we won't be paying you for your articles anymore.
But if you still want to write for us for free, definitely submit and maybe we'll get in.
But as far as actually paying you for articles, yeah, that's not happening anymore.
I was like, okay, I guess the fuck you Jew ending is not as funny as I thought it was.
Why was Trump so welcomed in India?
It's so hard to care about shithole countries.
I'm sorry.
Like, is he pro-diarrhea?
Is he bringing toilets?
Is he working on the national toilet plan where America sends them free plumbing?
Like, who gives a fuck about India?
So hot.
I don't even like Florida.
I mean, I like Floridians, but the temperature there, I just think, well, no one can live there.
Good guy.
Good person.
He's so fucking cool, isn't he?
Yes, he is.
I know what to do.
You see Justin Trudeau around him, too.
He's just sort of like, hi, what's happening?
What are you guys?
You guys sitting over there?
Okay.
I guess I'll put stuff in my briefcase again.
Remember that was such an awesome scene.
It was at some summit where Trump ignores.
It was at some UN thing, and Trump was ignoring Trudeau, and he just kept putting stuff in and out of his briefcase.
What?
What's happening here?
And you see Trump see him, and Trump is like, oh yeah, there's that gay guy from Canada.
What's his name again?
Hey, kid, what's up?
What's going on?
They're only showing the new one because he was recently snubbed again.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Perfect.
Yeah, you know what I'm learning from the news these days is how it's reported says so much about this country and their bias.
So if you want to look up the clip I'm talking about, you'll only find the clip where Justin Trudeau was laughing with like some Angela Merkel or someone about how Trump is crazy.
And that's only by hearsay.
Oh, these are other times he's been snubbed.
Okay, well, bye.
I understand you're busy.
Fuck off.
Wouldn't that be funny if we found out later that he just, when Justin Trudeau came over, he just said, fuck off.
Don't ever touch me again.
What was that?
I said, don't ever touch me again.
All right, I'm out of here.
I want you out of here.
Back home to mommy.
Later.
JK.
But yeah, you can see how biased they are against Trump by the availability of that video.
Similarly, Haiti is in a complete fucking shithole riot, as all shitholes tend to do.
The police want to form unions there.
Good luck.
Just to be clear, let me go back a step.
What is the history of Haiti?
Let me tell you the history of Haiti.
Some dumb white person said, why are we giving slaves Sunday off?
Not that I'm condoning slavery, but that made the slaves very, very mad because they said, from now on, you guys work seven days a week.
You're not getting off Sundays.
So we can't worship our God?
No, fuck you.
Okay, well, we're going to kill you all.
So the slaves revolted.
Some say this was the catalyst that ended slavery, I believe.
And they started murdering white people en masse.
Women, children, everyone.
I'm sure if you read an account on the Huffington Post, it would be of this awesome rebellion that was totally cool when they slit little babies' throats and raped women to death.
You know what they did?
They would take their skulls, empty them out, and then they'd fill them with white person's blood and then drink the blood from the skull, as Blackie Lawless from the band Wasp does in the album Fuck Like a Beast.
Anyway, so they won.
It's yours.
You killed all the French.
This is your island now.
How's that working out?
How is your freedom working out?
Freedom is a gift.
If your dad gives you a motorcycle for your birthday, treat it nice.
Keep the oil at the right level.
Winterize it.
Make sure it's clean.
Make sure everything works.
Check the right indicator.
Check the left indicator.
How are the air filters?
Are they clean?
Have them cleaned out if you don't know how to do it.
I don't know how to do it.
I actually have no idea where my air filters are, but I do have it cleaned every year.
Anyway, so it's a fucking disgusting shithole.
Port-au-Prince, I believe is, oh, it was the most dangerous place in the world, but it's recently been surpassed by Caracas in Venezuela.
And as far as rape goes, it was winning, but South Africa recently trumped it since apartheid was abolished.
I'm not condoning apartheid.
I'm just, in both of these cases, this is people being given freedom and squandering it, right?
You should definitely visit.
Fuck you, Charles Bryant.
You go visit it.
It is actually super fun.
Remember that woman who went back to Somalia, that journalist, to show the world that it's actually a very safe place?
And she was promptly killed?
Or the Pippa Becca, who went hitchhiking from Italy up to Turkey to show you that these Muslims, they don't rape people, and she was promptly raped.
And I believe dismembered and burned alive.
Anyway, I'm off at 37 tangents here.
Haiti is having insane riots.
And the way it's being reported tells you so much about what you see on the news.
It tells you how much you're being lied to.
So I look it up, and Ryan, who's incompetent at even finding the word cars online, I try to find any information about it.
So the Washington Post will probably have something about our colonialization.
But the article, the headlines say things like, they'll start with like Chile, Venezuela, what other places having riots?
Fucking France.
And now Haiti.
Join the list of countries who are blah, blah, blah.
So they preface it with other countries are having riots too, you know.
It's not just Haiti.
And then they call it, so the police want unions and the government is killing them and then murdering everyone else.
And then people are killing both sides, the military and the police and each other.
And so they call it an anti-government protest and they try to make it look civilized.
It's fucking mayhem over there.
Absolute mayhem in a shithole country full of people who don't appreciate their freedom in a shitty, corrupt government that's a fucking mess.
Like Hillary Clinton keeps getting shit for all the money she squandered there.
No money could save Haiti after that.
Sean Penn, thank you for going down there and smoking cigarettes and doing Coke and fucking black chicks.
But there's no way to save it.
Is this modern?
Okay, don't show that.
Is that someone being burned alive?
Is that modern, Ryan?
This is recent, yeah.
So when?
Because the rides I'm talking about are this week.
Yeah, last.
This has been going on since last year or something?
So last year.
2009, February 2019.
Oh, this is recent?
2019?
That's not recent.
This past week, Haiti's been in a complete civil war, total and utter mania, shit government, shit police, shit system, just a complete fucking mess, and no one will report on it because they don't want to sound racist.
All these articles are from 2019.
No, it's this week.
No, I know.
That's what you're saying, is that there's no reports of it.
Yeah.
This one.
They're totally avoiding it.
There's the old one.
And every time you see someone mentioning it, they preface it with some justification, meaning it's not their fault.
So we're at a point now where media is so bad that you can sort of read it like tea leaves.
And you can go, oh, wait a minute.
The way that they're avoiding this means there must be something to it.
Oh, Trump.
The Trump thing.
Oh, so you're pretending that all Indians are vegetarians because you want to shit on Trump.
So you're not about the news at all.
You're an anti-Trump publicity firm.
Okay, okay.
I understand what's going on now.
Speaking of reporting, Jazz Jennings is a Jewish man, gay person who at the Age of, I think, 18, maybe even 17, had his genitals mutilated with the utmost support of his parents and the media.
They want you to know that it's wonderful that this Jewish kid cut his cock down the center, removed most of the meat, maintained the urethra but clipped it, then folded the meat inwards such that the penis hairs are growing inside this vagina.
If you want to throw up, if you're trying to lose weight, ladies, and maybe now that Jazz is a lady, she can join in.
Look at the vaginas they make.
Jazz Jennings says she is super happy.
Like, look at the way this is reported.
Again, we don't let kids drink alcohol until they're 21.
They can't have tattoos until they're 18.
You can cut your cock off.
Just be a fag.
Just be a fag and dance around.
Worst case scenario, you're a gay man, or say you're a woman.
All right, now you're a woman with a strap on built in like Gigi Gorgeous.
Gigi Gorgeous has a great setup.
She's with her rich, he's with his rich lesbian.
He's in a heterosexual relationship, by the way.
Gig Gorgeous.
I'm obsessed with Gigi Gorgeous, maybe to a disturbing level.
I have to watch it when I'm in bars going through my feed because I follow it on Instagram.
Look at that.
That is a dude, just a very feminine dude married to a chick, and he fucks her inner pussy.
Okay, we're good.
You've come full circle.
Welcome back home.
I should have said that when he started getting tits.
See you on the way back down, Gigi.
You'll be back.
You'll be back.
To regular ways of life.
That lesbian was like, I love chicks and I like sexy, really feminine women, but the strap-ons and the sex toys, yes.
And you got to pack them and you got to wash them.
I wish I could find just a chick who had a built-in strap-on.
And then Gigi Gorgeous goes, hey, I'm actually exactly what you're looking for.
And they're madly in love.
But they're having fertility problems because Gigi's ovaries don't work.
Okay?
Why don't you just use your wife's ovaries, you dunce?
Holy shit, what a mess.
What's going to happen when they're pregnant?
What's Gigi Gorgeous going to do in the birthing room when that is lying on its back, lying on her back?
I actually don't see her as an it.
It's just a very masculine lesbian.
And she's pushing out of her beautiful, normal, functioning vagina.
And then she sees the miracle of birth come out of the vagina.
And she looks down at her little elephant's trunk, just like, I can't do that.
She's going to kill herself.
I can't do that.
She goes to an OBGYN and the OBGYN goes, okay.
More like an OMGYN.
Your clit is rather engorged and your vaginal canal doesn't exist.
And you have balls on your lapia.
And your husband, quote unquote, is sexually preference.
Someone stole your husband's dick.
They'll be the first couple to have a gender transplant.
Anyway, get back to the chat.
The sexuality is Jared Leto.
Go to 1-3.
That's what you just showed.
Is there a video there?
Oh, my God.
He's doing great.
This is your Jewish friend, Andy, who helps you with your math homework.
Hi, I'm Andy.
I have to make my decision about where I'm going to college.
I just don't want to let them down.
Look at those ears.
If we're going to get surgery, can we start on the nose and the ears?
I just need to talk to everyone.
Turn it up.
Why can't I hear it?
It's just been such a struggle.
Jazz, like you've never seen her before.
January 28th at night on JLC.
What's your real name?
Herschel Labinowitz?
Jennings isn't their real name.
What's one for?
Hello?
This one right here.
What the heck?
...an event and setback where things did come apart and there was a complication.
I had to come back in for another procedure, but it was just all part of the journey.
Just pause.
Just pause.
They're mutilating this boy's penis, this teenage boy's penis, and they call, and the narrator just says, it's just part of the journey.
Do you see what I'm talking about here?
Where you have to look at the tea leaves and see what's really going on?
This makes me hate the West.
Any other culture, the East, China, Islam, Central America, Africa, they'd say, this woman, she mutilates the penis, cuts the penis, it don't work.
She goes back to the doctor four times.
They keep cutting and cutting the penis.
It does not work.
And the media, they promote this, they promote the mutilation of the genitals.
And the girl, well, she is a boy.
The boy cry.
The boy cry and cry and cry.
Why are you gay?
Go back.
Only cosmetic and external.
So it wasn't too dramatic.
Your life was never dangerous.
Wait, is she talking about her new genitals?
I think so.
Like the actual surgery was never that dramatic?
But it's just cosmetic and external.
Yeah, what's internal?
Your fallopian tubes, your uterus, your womb?
Jazz, none of the internal is real.
All you have internally is those big sacs we have.
What do you call those?
Those are the kidneys?
And the urethra.
That's it.
Our vas deferens.
Your life was never in danger.
No.
Jennings felt thankful that her two surgeons, who she described as incredible, Supported her the whole time.
Just pause.
So they mutilate her genitals.
By the way, this is, I think, after the third.
Yeah, she's had four.
She.
She's had four different surgeries as they keep botching it.
It's just cosmetic.
It's just cosmetic.
When you're getting a vagina installed, 100% of it is cosmetic.
100%.
And you know why it's all swollen and misshapen?
Because nature is hella pissed.
That's what's going on.
Nature's going, I'm trying to fix this.
I'm trying to unfurl this penis that's been furled because that's the way we designed it.
Like if we have a cut, we want the cut to want to close and the cells.
If we break our arm, we want the bones to want to go, I'm trying to make it good again.
Mikey.
So when you mutilate yourself, your body doesn't know this.
This is a new trend.
It's like, what, five years old?
No one let nature in on this new hip trend of mutilating your genitalia.
Nature just finally figured out the giant plug earrings.
They just caught up with that.
It's just complicated.
In a clip from I Am Jazz, one of Jennings' doctors, Marcy Bowers, admitted the first surgery did not go as planned and turned out to be more difficult than they had imagined.
Bowers told Jennings, I think in hindsight, we would never have sent you home from the hospital.
Just because this woman is incredible, by the way.
Wait a minute, is that a trans surgeon?
Play.
Ah, this has been a real journey, hasn't it?
Jennings' father, Greg, I think the surgeon is trans.
I vote yes.
She's got a Caitlin Jenner vibe.
As laid back about the complications as his daughter had been.
He revealed that he's glad the doctors were honest, but disappointed that expectations had not been met.
Thankfully, all seems well after this third surgery, and Jennings is on the road to recovery.
Boy, Jewish kids are sure taking bullying to a new level.
Some Jewish trainees have huge knockers.
Did you see his breast?
Oh, really?
Yeah.
He had some milkers.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No, you don't.
I call them my battle wounds because they signify the strength and perseverance it took to finally complete my transition.
Jennings hoped to inspire other people by showing the world her scars, telling the New York Times, I hope the people appreciate it.
Do you want to know how he got these scars?
We all have bodies.
Some are bigger.
Okay, that's enough.
That's enough.
Why is that surgeon trans?
Why not?
Like, what if you're a basketball player and you're black and you're 6'7 and the surgeon operating on you is black and 6'7 and plays basketball?
You'd be like, hell of a coincidence.
No, it's not.
I'm here because of you.
And we decided it'd be best if someone like you was working on you.
No, thank you.
Just get the absolute best surgeon in this entire hospital.
I don't need you to also play basketball.
I'm not looking to bond.
In fact, I'm going to literally be completely unconscious the entire time we're working together.
All right, now go into my memes, that memes folder I sent you, because that's her third surgery going great, right?
No, the memes folder I sent you.
Gotcha.
And you can see that the third surgery didn't go great.
There were more complications.
It's complicated.
Hey, you know what else is complicated?
Love.
Lots of things that are wonderful are complicated.
Raising kids, it gets kind of complicated.
Turning your dick?
No, no, no.
Why would you cut to it before I say what it is?
There's tons of different memes in there.
So the bottom one.
There's also a gif, though, isn't there?
Oh, yeah.
Well, pull that up, please.
Give first?
Uh, it doesn't open with the there we go.
No?
I didn't get a gif in there.
I got no gift.
I'm giftless.
Okay, maybe I can send it again.
So what's that thing, the multiple picture one of her?
This is as follows.
I have woken Jazz out of a dead sleep and taken the dilator.
Wait, wait.
Just read it out while I find it.
Is that the surgeon?
No, that's her mother.
Oh.
I have woken Jazz out of a dead sleep and taken the dilator and put the lubrication on it and said, here, you take this and put it in your vagina.
If not, I will.
And now go to the other meme.
It's dilation time.
No, mom, no.
Oh, shit.
So it's not there.
There's a video of Jazz Jennings going, mom, mom.
And her mother comes upstairs.
Just look up Jazz Jennings on YouTube.
And what's the problem?
And she goes, she shows her mother a picture and she goes, oh, God.
And I think what happened is you still have erectile tissue.
So you still get a morning wood.
But your wood is just like shot with a shotgun.
So like the lips swell up.
This is jazz.
No, that's not it.
I want to understand from you.
That's not it.
But she had this massive swollen mess.
Keep going.
Here, let me see the icons.
Maybe I can recognize it.
She's sitting in her own bed.
Fuck.
All right.
We're pausing the show right now.
Okay, we can't find the clip.
Maybe you can help find it at home.
She's sitting in her bedroom and she goes, mom, mom, and her mom comes up and shows her her vagina.
Thank God they don't show it.
I'm pro-censorship in this case.
Censored.tv has found something they want censored.
And, oh, speaking of censorship, I got to show you the FBI released these, all these files on Proud Boys.
It's amazing.
But anyway, and her mom goes, Ugh, and then they call the doctor who that trans woman I showed you earlier.
And then the doctor looks at her vagina on FaceTime and says, Oh my god, yeah, you got to come back in.
That's four fucking surgeries.
Is that an indication that you're not doing something right?
Like if it, if you, if you ask a girl out on a date four times and she says no every time, maybe let it go.
Maybe you guys aren't meant to be.
Hey, Jazz, not that there's any turning back now, but maybe you made a huge fucking mistake and your parents are sadistic megalomaniacs who are essentially practicing Munchausen syndrome.
Okay, so this is a similar clip, but I'm not sure if this is the third or the fourth time she's been in there, but this poor Chinese guy who probably became a doctor to help kids with cancer has to go deal with her disgusting vagina now.
The vagina he made.
She took a shower, she changed her clothes.
Okay, let's take a look.
You know, I was a little surprised.
Jazz is young and healthy, and normally patients like that heal really quickly, but instead it's...
Oh, on top of the other transsexual doctor Jess Ting.
Because every Jess Ting's gonna be all right.
It just looked like the sutures were starting to spread, and the color of the skin right along the edge of the wound, you want it to be nice and pink, but it was looking dusky, kind of bluish, which can be a sign of too much tension, there not being enough blood supply.
So I fucked up pretty bad.
But nobody's going to ever see it.
So I'm concerned about a malpractice too.
Obviously.
Was a possibility that there wasn't a lot of skin.
So I'm just worried that everything here is under a lot of tension.
I don't want that last ditch to pop and then everything will just go, you know, like a window shade.
Plus the way it just sort of rapidly got worse over the course of one day, I was like, ooh, maybe we should just intervene early.
Taking her to the OMAR will allow us to take a good look on the inside, really see what's going on.
There's good lighting, we have good instruments.
All right, enough.
Wow.
Now I'm guilty of this too.
I decided that I was a muscular hunk stuck in a Grover body and I was working out at the gym boxing and I noticed that my punches were not having the impact I wanted them to have.
And so I started on a drug treatment plan just like this woman, just like Jazz Jennings.
And it did work.
I took it for four months and I noticed if I feel my arms now, they feel very solid.
And there's actually some new sort of muscle here that sort of pinches down.
It gets pointy here.
I never had that before.
So I would say my muscle growth has increased maybe 3%.
Now, there's other side effects I've had.
I've been a little snappier because I have higher testosterone.
I had to lie too.
I think I was at like 550.
And he said, that's perfectly reasonable for a man your age.
And I go, yeah, but sex sucks.
And I'm never horny.
And I feel weak and tired.
All lies.
And he goes, okay, well, here, take this clamiphene.
It makes your balls make more testosterone.
So I took it.
I felt the past four months, I haven't been very, very happy.
I have nightmares all night, every night, guaranteed.
That's just a given.
I'm so used to nightmares now that I'm just goth.
Like I go to bed going, all right, going back to hell, ready to fight demons.
I'm either trying to get late and I haven't been fucked once in my life, or I'm fighting someone, or I murdered someone, and I'm on the run.
There's always major problems.
I love waking up in the morning because I'm not going to prison anymore and no one's died and no one's trying to kill me.
Waking up is wonderful.
I wake up like this every morning.
Phew.
So that wasn't great.
And I could handle the, it wasn't really depression.
It was like, or maybe it was anxiety.
It was just like feeling bad.
So I tolerated that for months and that wasn't good.
But here's what I really can't tolerate.
Losing my fucking hair.
Look at that.
My son took this picture when we were at the Mets game.
And before he showed it to me, he goes, you're going to cry.
He said that?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Is there another picture of the baldness?
I only see one there, but I believe the other one was removed.
Oh.
Okay, switch the camera to auto, and I'm going to show you my Jazz Jennings conundrum.
This is new.
Oh, sorry.
This is new.
These sort of holes.
This used to be a perfect rug.
And now you can sort of see into it.
You can see into the forest.
That's a new development.
And then, of course, this shit at the back.
I can't really see what I'm doing right now.
Do you see that?
You got a...
Don't turn around.
You just tell me where to move.
Okay, that's good.
Okay.
This is all new.
So, I went online and I bought Rogaine.
Now, Jazz, the beauty of all these things that we're doing is, you do it for...
Can you hand me that bag?
You can do something like this.
You start taking the clomiphen, you notice that it's not working.
And so you stop.
Now, my hair might not grow back, and that would be a catastrophe.
But it's not the end of the world, and it's not irrevocable.
I may have put myself in a situation where I have lost some of my hair permanently.
That sucks, but it's not cutting your dick off.
All right, what do we do here?
It says it works.
Clinical studies proven that it does happen.
Yeah, is that on rogain.com?
Rogaininvestor.help.
How do I use for best results?
Apply one milliliter with applicator two times a day directly onto the scalp.
Oh, so that I noticed that this says it's not good for this, it's only good for the balding at the back.
The front doesn't look bad.
Well, it's got to be the same shit.
I'm going to try just putting that on the front, too.
So maybe you could administer this for me.
What are all these...
Where's the instructions?
I think you just...
It says one milliliter with applicator.
So there's the one milliliter line.
And these are all the same, right?
Yeah.
This is very simple.
Where?
Directions.
Apply one milliliter with dropper two times directly on the scalp.
Yep.
Using more or more often will not improve results.
Continued use is necessary to increase and keep your hair regrowth.
Or hair loss will begin again.
What?
Well, of course they're going to say that, right?
The second you stop using our product.
All right, so...
I wonder if my hair product...
I think it's a pushdown.
Push down the hairs.
Okay, maybe we should mix it up a little bit first?
So the beauty of this, folks, is you can watch here live on the show as we try to retrieve my hair.
Alright, Ryan.
This will be your job every day.
Twice a day.
I'm going to leave it here.
Oh, no, I better not.
It kind of naturally feels familiar.
So how does that not spill down my jacket?
We can get you a little.
Go get a paper towel from that drawer in the kitchen.
Administer gently in little drops.
Oh, it tastes awful.
Hey, why don't I go in front of the camera with my back to the camera?
Oh, here you're there.
That'll be the best angle.
Just a little skimpy.
No, no, no.
It doesn't have to be exact.
Yeah, that's fine.
It naturally goes to a milliliter anyway.
All right.
So I'm going to refocus it.
Just going down a little bit more.
Administering.
So do you rub it in?
Yeah, probably.
Rub it in.
Just rub it in, why don't you?
No, you're very gentle.
You.
So this is what the raise was for, wasn't it?
It doesn't come with gloves, so I'm sure it's not corrosive, but you might get hairy palms.
And then people are going to see you in bars with your hairy hands and go, let me guess, chronic masturbator?
I'm blind.
No, I think it's just a matter of...
Like, it's not just that one spot.
No, no, no, no, no.
You stay with the one milliliter.
Was that one milliliter total?
Well, put some in the front then.
Put a milliliter in the front.
It says it's not for the front, but they can go fuck themselves.
Yeah, look at it.
This is how I ended up bald in the first place, too.
By saying, I'll handle it.
I can already feel it growing back.
Oh, shit.
It's probably not good for the eyes.
Yeah, the front's really not that bad.
I don't want a hairy forehead.
I don't want a hairy forehead.
Great, I'm going to be growing patches all over the place now.
It doesn't work like that.
It doesn't work like that, did you say?
Yeah.
As he screws on the dropper instead of the cap.
Ryan's an expert.
Oh, okay.
That's a convenient little thing.
Because now that's your score bottle, and the other ones are reserved.
Oh, okay.
I'm blurry now.
Wash these figures before it's too late.
Let me get this.
The Rogane is making it focus wrong.
Camera!
Camera!
I'm here!
There we go.
All right.
So that is our new sponsor.
Rogane.
They didn't ask for it.
Better fucking work.
And again, folks at home...
Actually, I'm going to take it with us to...
We're going to go to CPAC.
The moral of the story here is linked to Jazz Jennings, and that is, you know, if you want to build muscle, just lift more weights and drink muscle milk or something.
There's no magic fix.
There's no super trick you can do where you just take this clomiphene and all of a sudden you're ripped.
It did increase my muscle mass by a tiny fraction, and I had to pay the Piper.
It goes back to Johnny Depp.
He dumps Vanessa Paradise because she's losing her beauty, and Satan says, okay, I'll give you Amber Heard.
And then slowly his beauty starts fading.
And he's a freak.
That was pleasant.
How are we doing for time?
What else should we talk about?
He looks like a ghoul.
Oh, he's looking better now that he dumped her, but when he was dating her, he had AIDS.
We talked about this, though, on the show already.
Here's some, let's just check in on the left and the election for a second here.
Maxime Water sent out a tweet that I just thought was fucking incredible.
It was such an obvious lie.
And the meme that accompanies it.
This is sorry, 1.9.
The meme that accompanies it makes that, drives that point home.
Unfortunately, I'm not...
Oh, but I can go to her.
The meme I won't have, but I could probably find it at Maxine's.
Well, follow them.
Did you follow them?
Yep.
I have to wait for them to approve it.
Yep.
So it's Maxine Waters saying, every single gun owner I know told me that after he bought the gun, he felt the murderer growing inside him.
He felt the murderer being born.
And the meme below it is, so we're just making shit up now?
Like, you and I all know a million people with guns.
When was the last time you heard one of them go, I don't know, when I got it in my hand.
Not in a movie, in real life.
I got it in my hand.
I got that pistol in my hand.
I just thought, boo.
Boo.
I could kill anyone.
I'm a murderer now.
So that's too bad we don't have that one.
I should probably check to make sure I'm not.
I shouldn't follow private people, actually.
Oh, she didn't?
It says it's false.
As soon as I walked out of that gun store, I felt a killer growing inside of me.
Well, let's be careful because PolitiFact is rarely right.
Yeah, I don't trust Snopes anymore either.
Well, but what do they say?
It says it's a viral image, and this is supposed to be Maxine Waters' tweet about gun owners, but it's not real.
It comes from a fake account.
Oh, Maxine PW.
Ah, okay.
Well, that's good to know.
Right.
False.
We gave you news that was fake news.
Fake news here on censored.tv.
By the way, I sent you that FBI thing.
Did you get that?
Okay, yep.
Okay.
Okay.
I got it, boss.
Okay, boss.
It's a separate email, correct?
Yep.
Did I not send it?
Yep, FBI records, got it.
So this is the FBI releasing all their information on Proud Boys, speaking of censored and fake news.
Let's see what they've got to say about this terrorist group.
Disclaimer, blah, blah, blah, boring.
Proud Boys, part one of one.
All right, go down to the PDF.
Okay, here we go.
Page one.
Let's zoom in.
All right, not a lot.
This is just a table of contents.
Oh, okay.
So the FBI has been doing some research.
I can't tell you the case ID or anything.
No, go up, go up, go up.
What's that synopsis?
Can you read that out?
Yes.
the authorized purpose for this blank is to identify criminal activity perpetrated by the proud boys.
Move it within the blank.
The objectives, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank.
This is the FBI.
These are the people in charge of our security.
Keep going.
Focus operational plan.
Okay, what's your plan?
It's blank.
Okay.
Prove by, can't tell you.
I don't want to be murdered by the Proud Boys, of course.
Identified members of Proud Boys.
CC blank from blank.
Contact blank.
Approved by blank.
Drafted by blank.
Case ID number blank.
You name blank.
Ryder received information from the blank.
Field office blank.
Details.
Oh, we got some details.
Uh-oh.
On the 18th of December, 2017, Ryder received information from the blank.
Yeah, that's what I just read.
Field office blank.
Page three of three.
Well, there you go.
Huh.
So don't say that this administration and the FBI is not transparent.
They tell us everything.
We know what's going on now.
This is freedom.
This is democracy.
This is the freedom for information.
What's it called?
Freedom of information.
All right.
So now check out Bernie Sanders.
I thought this was a fucking hilarious meme.
We better make sure this is true, though.
You want to keep the minimum wage low and give tax breaks to millionaires?
That is not what it makes America great.
All right, 2015.
Was that 2015?
Yeah.
Are we comfortable to see a huge increase in millionaires and billionaires, but have more people living in poverty than ever?
I know I'm not.
This is when he starts seeing he's going to become a billionaire.
He probably has like...
Wait a minute, though.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
He's probably not a millionaire.
Probably has like 700 grand in the bank, but it's going up fast.
So he has to start throwing in billionaires.
So wait, go to the top one.
It's just millionaires.
And he probably has 600 grand in the bank.
And then it becomes like 780, and he goes, uh-oh, this is getting really close to 1 million.
That makes me a millionaire.
Are we comfortable to see a huge increase?
And then what's the next one?
Are we comfortable as a nation to see a huge income?
That's the same one, isn't it?
Yeah, it's just the same point, exactly.
And then he becomes a millionaire.
Billionaires should not exist.
That's Bernie.
And this is little Marco Rubio, who I've made fun of in the past, but he's babbling in his car and actually making some salient points.
Hit it, Marco.
The Democratic establishment steals it from them.
Bernie Sanders, a Democratic socialist, is going to be the Democratic nominee for president.
And that's a really big deal because democratic socialism sounds benign, but at the core of Democratic socialism is Marxism.
And at the core of Marxism is this fake offer that if you turn over more of your individual freedom, we're going to provide you security.
We're going to provide you free health care.
We're going to provide you free education.
But the problem is that when they can't deliver on it or when you're not happy with it, you don't get your freedoms back.
And by freedoms, I don't just mean elections.
I'm talking about the right to choose your own doctor, the right to make health care decisions for yourself, what your kids learn in school, what schools they go to.
All that stuff you lose control over and you don't get it back just because the security they promised you didn't happen.
So that's what we're on the verge of having to decide here in this country.
It's a reason why people flee countries that have this stuff.
It's a big deal for America.
And I hope people start waking up to that reality.
The bottom line is that unless...
I like Rubio.
And they never mention Venezuela or Cuba when they talk about socialism.
They talk about Denmark.
Yeah, Denmark, where they have a 25% VAT tax.
25% of what you buy, you pay a value-added tax.
You want that?
Okay, let's Do it, and as I said to that stupid feminist, you realize that the only time you can name a country better than America is it's a country that's more white than America.
That's really what they want, ultimately.
They want Den you want to, they want to be Denmark.
Um, okay, shall we hit the mailbag?
Vomitos!
Riot, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes together's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
My beard looks disgusting in that picture.
Hello, my name is Carlos.
I'm the president of the BCTC Republicans.
I'm running to see if you can one day come and speak at my college.
It'll be an honor to have you come to my college.
So I responded.
I'm now telling you my personal emails.
I get one of these a week.
Then they talk to the people in charge and they say no, and it gets canceled.
Don't waste my time unless you are 100% sure this is a go.
He said, I talked to two of the people in charge of my college.
One of them is secretly a fan of yours.
The two of them said yes, but they will talk to the other people in charge to see if it's okay for you to come.
I will let you when they officially say yes.
So this has happened to me 8 billion times, and we negotiate the fee and everything and the contract, and then someone gets nervous.
And that's the end of that.
Although I will be at CPAC right now.
If you're watching this, I am doing a talk simultaneously.
You're watching this at 8 o'clock Wednesday today.
I am doing a talk with Alex Jones about free speech.
Don't fret, as Linton Koisey Johnson said in the song Sonny's Letter, don't fret.
Your little boy, Jim, Imgetares.
We have good courage, Mama.
Don't worry.
London Rikstan Prison.
This is a fucking awesome song.
Although it is about killing a cop.
Anyway, we'll be recording it.
Ryan's going to bring all his equipment down and I'll be laughed up and we'll put it on censored.tv.
And maybe stream some of it, possibly, right?
So, dude, Out for Bud fixed his picture.
Huh.
And I think we have a winner.
Is this in the censored mailbag?
Mailbag at Censored?
Mailbag at Free Speech, actually.
Gotcha.
Okay.
Looking.
Thomas Ricada.
Okay.
I'm in at 2.45 p.m.
Uh-huh.
Yep, yep, yep.
Just patiently wait for...
That's a big one.
So he must be using a brush.
Oh, yeah, that looks real.
Oh, shit.
What a talented artist.
He said he's looking for work.
That's one of the most accurate pictures I've ever seen of me.
That's post-Rogaine, clearly.
This is when I spilled Rogaine all over myself.
That's great.
Okay.
Oh, this is an interesting one.
White guilt is not genetic, and this is why.
This is from a guy named Chris.
Maybe you already knew this, but hopefully I can elucidate on the issue of white guilt in the world and make it seem a little bit more clear as to why it exists.
To put it simply, our culture questions things more.
It's a consequence of having an inquisitive mind and a culture that invented empiricism.
So instead of just assuming we're right all the time, which is what other cultures do, for instance, Africans don't question their sexuality or the universe or how it's structured, whereas we question such things.
So we inadvertently created a moral dilemma every time we do something.
So, this guy might want to take it easy on the so's.
So, we're not necessarily genetically predispositioned for guilt, but our advanced culture as an unconsidered consequence can make people feel erroneously guilty.
It should also be mentioned that a lot of it has to do with people, liberals in particular, who believe we are all the same psychologically.
Our differences are evident and highly consequential.
Using the African culture example again, the world for them is magic.
Why else would they kill bald men to get the gold in their heads?
It's ridiculous, but in a magical Dungeons and Dragons world, it's possible.
I like you better than a friend.
Chris, it's I like you more than a friend, okay?
I don't know how many times I have to say this.
This is from Miss Prisma Prisima Alex.
I never heard such a name before.
Have you?
Never in my life.
Greetings to you and your entire family.
I guess he's seeing Ryan as, or she is seeing Ryan as a family member.
Dear one, interesting.
Phraseology.
I am Miss Prisema Alex and the first, so she's the first Prisema Alex.
I guess women can be a third in her culture.
Oh, sorry.
I am Miss Prisema Alex.
There's no period there, so confuse me.
I and my brother need you to stand as our guardian to retrieve our inheritance U.S. dollars of $5.2 million.
What?
What?
Damn dog!
Are they for real?
Wow, that's a which our father deposited in a finance house before his assassination.
For reasons which we will let you know as soon as we hear from you, contact me here in my private mail address, Prisima Alex at gmail.com.
That's exciting.
That's going to be an exciting part of the show.
Wow.
I want money.
So do we get a cut?
Oh, yeah.
Well, she said she needs to stand as our guardian.
I think the implication there is that I decide how much they get.
Oh.
Okay, I'll do it.
But I get 5.2 No, 5.19999.
You get 20 bucks.
But at least your father's inheritance will be out of that evil bank's hands.
All right, last one.
Gavin and Ryan, I thought you might enjoy this soundbite from Emmanuel TV.
It's a whack job African program with a faith healer.
No, no, I saw this one.
It's boring.
He's not speaking English.
Gavin, the person rapping on that decent Mura Masa track is Slowtie.
Yes.
So I got that wrong.
I said his name is Mura Masa.
Muramasa is the producer, the DJ who made the track.
The rapper is Slowtie, and he's from Northampton.
I apologize.
Finally, we have Ryan.
This is from Mark, Marcus, reviewing a water filter.
We'll make that the last one.
No, we got one more.
Okay.
Do you want to check that out, Ryan?
Yep.
This is you reviewing a water filter.
I'm also going to distill a variety of water.
Smells tap water.
Most of the best deal.
*laughs*
And filtered water purchased from a water store.
You'll be surprised of what is left in the pot after the distillation.
At least I was surprised.
So let's find out how it works.
How old is this symbol?
This is one of the oldest symbols.
First, let's take a look at the unit itself.
I bought it on eBay.
That's got to be Thai, right?
That's not Chinese.
First, let's take a look at the unit itself.
I bought it on eBay a while back.
It sounds like boiling water.
Yeah.
Or as the Québécois would say, un pas de noix-y boy.
Noix-y.
The cost of the press cooker alone is already more than the eBay water.
More than the eBay water.
Not to mention, you have to get other materials.
You have to boil a toad.
You have to get other materials.
Alright, well, that's going to take over my entire life.
Alright, so subscribed.
We just smashed this subscribe.
So let's take a look.
I don't know what he's on about, but I can listen to it all day.
Alright, last one.
This one is kind of long.
Oh, wait.
He sent a bunch of.
Oh, I don't know if I want to watch this.
Tor browser.
The links are all Tor browser.
You got to be careful with some of our viewers too, because they'll go, you were right about China.
It does suck.
Here's a picture of someone eating a baby.
Here's someone being burned alive in China.
Or Africa, sorry.
All right.
Hey, Gav, I too hate China and regularly update my friends with the shit that is happening there.
Here in Australia, we have kowtowed to them 100%.
They take our mineral resources, our water, and our real estate.
They've infiltrated the government on both sides.
They provide so much investment in tourism that we don't ever seem to want to upset them.
For example, a school won't name its new swimming pool after its most famous swimmer because it could upset the Chinese.
Matt Horton's whole school plans to name its new pool after Olympic Champion because it could threaten its business.
Why would they give a shit?
The school is a boarding.
Let me see that.
It has a boarding house in China and hosts a strong Chinese population.
Horton has endured a feud with Chinese rival Sun Yang, calling him a drug cheat.
Oh, I remember that.
Yeah.
Sun Yang was up there getting his swimming award and he's like, I'm a total winner.
I bought it or I buy.
And the Australian refused to shake his hand.
So because of that, this guy is a cheat, by the way.
Minor detail.
So we have to kowtow to their criminals.
Like, it would be okay if it was an amazing country that was way better than us and way more ethical.
China's Sun Yang confronts British swimmers after.
Sun Yang is at the center of a center of more competitors.
After another protest, Sun's action there towards Duncan Scott, who's refusing to get up there for the podcast.
Scott in lockstep with the podium protest by Australia's Mac Horton, who labels Sun a drug cheat.
Scott doesn't want to be a part of the Sun government.
As they left the pool deck, it got ugly.
Sun confronting Scott here.
You're a loser.
Get out of my way.
I'm winning.
Yay!
I'm winning, yes.
I'm Team Mac.
Oh, wait, I was still doing the Chinese accent.
Although the government has banned the Chinese from entering Australia because the coronavirus university is paying Chinese students to fly to a third country before entering to circumvent the quarantine.
Wow.
That's messy.
We'd rather die than offend the Chinese, says.
You're supposed to click on the link, my dear?
Australia offered to return via third country.
The left-wing news even says that coronavirus is exposing our racism.
I've seen that a few times.
I've sensed a shift in the attitude towards China, ignoring their human rights violations.
That's the other thing that bugs me with these lefties.
They go, you're an Islamophobe.
No, I just don't want gays thrown off buildings.
And the culture you like has women as second-class citizens.
I thought you were a feminist.
The burqa was actually very empowering.
Really?
Try not wearing it and see how that works out for you.
Middle Eastern ladies.
It's comfortable compared to the alternative of stones.
I would say that when Penny Rimbaud, the guy who started Crass, had cancer, he was taking all these Chinese herbal medicines.
And I said, why do you like the Chinese so much?
They destroy animals.
They torture them.
They fucking eat them alive.
They don't see them as living beings.
They see them as garbage.
If it moves, it's food.
And you're a vegetarian animal rights guy.
As long as it's not white people, then they can get away with murder, literally.
Praising them for stupid shit like defending, or like reducing carbon emissions, even defending their communist regime.
What the fuck is going on?
If you haven't done so, look into Zhu Zaidang.
He's an MMA fighter who proved Chinese martial arts are inferior to Western combat, and he was basically depersoned.
Radio DJ and mixed martial arts practitioner who unwittingly has become the center of a massive cultural war in China.
One that began a time when the Chinese government was deep into a movement known as the Great Rejuvenation.
Oh, he said they're inferior to Western combat campaign designers.
Well, yeah, I mean, all this Wushu, kung fu, just punched him in the face.
But what's the dancey part?
through means like making mastery of Tai Chi mandatory for graduating certain Chinese high schools I mean, it's healthy.
It's probably good for your circulation.
What's going to do after you got punched?
Yeah, let's see.
Tyson Fury up against one of these guys.
Right.
...throws the professional level fencers and blowing back groups of attackers with a single pin.
What?
I have actually done it.
Yeah, I believe that.
No, but the Chinese constantly push it.
In fact, Jet Li is one of Jet Li's first film back when he was Lilianjie was called Master of Tai Chi.
And it was about how he used Tai Chi to gain revenge at his enemy who was actually his brother.
Did you know it?
Total bullshit.
So his credit score is reduced to nothing and his gym taken from him because he embarrassed China.
Is that it?
Yeah.
Tai Chi Master.
So that's the brother being bad.
They both grew up together, but the brother got power hungry.
And then Chetly went nuts.
And so he went to some, I don't know what the fuck those things are called, monasteries, whatever.
I've seen the scene before, yeah.
And then he slowly starts getting back by using Tai Chi.
Nothing wrong with that.
If I push, each force has an equal and opposite reaction.
It's almost like physics.
Maybe I can use his strength against him.
He comes at me.
I go with him, not against him.
Oh, I see.
Hit the comedy guy.
What the?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, God.
Physics is weird in China.
Great show...
Great movie for little kids, don't get me wrong.
My hands feel weird with this roll gain on it.
Maybe all it is is like a plastic kind of thing.
That protects it from it.
And what it does is it stops more hair from falling out because it's plasticked in there.
So you're really just gluing your hair to your head.
Maybe it's like a glue, if you will, and collects dusts.
Maybe it's getting good at it.
If you will.
All right.
I've also sent some of the worst videos I've seen out of China in recent weeks.
Some are kind of funny, but some are more disgusting than you could ever imagine.
Maybe not even suitable for the show.
So we will not be clicking on those, but I may check those out in my spare time.
We are done.
The show is over.
We like to end things with a fun video.
And this, I believe, was a viewer submission.
And it is a Scottish translation.
It was What If 80s cartoons, the cartoons I grew up with, were Scottish.
This is what it would have been like.
No way, man.
A pure massive robot?
Actually, I'm a transformer.
But listen, I'm here to.
What do you transform into me?
You can hear that the guy doing the American accent is Scottish because he's like, actually, I'm a...
Pure magic, you're for your outer space.
A motor vehicle, but that's of no importance.
I am here to.
No, look, I am here to save the world from.
Can you say Boza Busfell first, mate?
Please listen.
This is of great importance, too.
You know, you can't even get a return anymore on these buses.
It's a bloody liberty octopus, mate.
That's not my name.
Listen, Amazon Prime.
Alright, sorry, Amazon mucker.
This was a mistake.
We're gone him.
Get it up, yees.
Forgin him.
Well, that he was giving up.
Thundercats.
Thundercats.
Hoooooooana, hoe.
Ok, here we go.
You're a hairmeister.
What you on about?
I'll keep in it for days.
I'm trying to defeat mumra.
Sniffing about the bumra, mel like.
Mate, you're pussy whipped.
Get it?
Because we're cats.
Chief, your patter's like water.
Mel like milk.
Get it?
Just pause.
Are you getting any of this?
Your patter is like how you talk.
So if someone's making a joke or telling a boy, they say, your patter's rotten.
But he's saying your patter is like water.
It's so bad.
It's so boring.
When you talk and make jokes, it's just like water.
And then he says, more like milk, cause we're cat.
I need to stop hanging about with you, man.
I need to stop what?
Hanging about with you, man.
You know what?
I'm sick of this piss.
What?
Pish's piss.
How have I got to deal with the cooking?
Well, cause you're a what?
I'm in my wet set.
Cause I'm a woman, eh?
No, cause you're a wonderful cook.
You were gonna get mince and toties, but no anymore.
Who knows?
You're already full of mince, you're totally heat.
There's a pot noodle in the cupboard, you bearded bobag.
You bearded bobag, meaning scrotum.
That is calling him hard to understand.
Scrotum.
But he said, why am I cooking?
Because you're a woman.
And then she goes, oh, because I'm a woman.
He says, no, you're a wonderful cook.
So you were going to get mince and tatties, which is mashed potatoes and mince meat.
It's so fucking good.
I'm craving it right now.
Tatties is tomatoes?
That's what I'm getting on my birthday.
Mince and tatties.
I'm going to be the birthday man.
What's the matter with your faces?
No, no, that's giving me the boke.
That's boofing, man.
Eat your soup, you're singing doorbells.
Or Moggies is Turkey Twistles.
Listen, tan that scran or I'm gonna drop a massive geriatric bear keek or your PlayStation.
I thought so.
I'll never find my Prince Charmin, will I?
You own about Henry Gorgeous?
I heard that Tony the Pony's welling to you.
I don't want Tony the Pony.
I want Prince Charmin, eh?
Wait, is your idea of Prince Charmin, a human that rides a horse?
Or rides a pony, if you know what I mean, eh?
Mate, that's bouffin'.
Somewhere in the Scottish borders, there's an old manke castle where this wee guy goes.
This was on BBC Scotland.
Bob's a wee skivvy.
He takes it tight 24-7 for your hang that stays up the stair.
Bob makers a piece and jam ya wee derk.
And there's a door in the flare where hangs commuti it eh.
And this hole in the floor is a flare.
The floor is a flare.
And there's a door in the flare where hangs commuti it eh.
And that's pretty much all that happens in every episode.
Because Waynes will watch any old mints.
Alright, that's enough.
Okay, we gotta do He-Man.
Any old mints?
No, we gotta do He-Man.
Yeah, shit.
Which is mean to Mintz.
Because she said to him, you're full of mints at the end, you're full of shit.
Smarfet.
Wee-Man.
I'll go the power.
Wee-Man.
It's He-Man, you skinny prick.
I think you'll find it's Wee Man.
He-Man.
We-Man.
It's He-Man, alright?
Wee-Man.
I'm gonna boot your bony boys.
▲
Export Selection