Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #31

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Jan. 23, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:41:33

GOML LIVE #31 | YOUTUBE BAN

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	Oh, I forgot when you wear tight clothes, you feel like Superman.
	Sounds like is that something like a foreigner said to you?
	No.
	I'm going to do a new character for today's show.
	It's called European Boby.
	And I do everything with a funny accent.
	It's going to be really funny.
	And then sometimes I'll just not do the character.
	How do I find that video you're referencing?
	I'm just making up stupid shit.
	But I'm kind of reminding myself of who's the guy from Ghostbusters who vanished when his wife died?
	There was from SCTV.
	There was the McKenzie brothers were Dave Thomas and who's the guy?
	Honey, I shrunk the kids?
	Rick Moranis?
	Rick Moranis.
	Rick Moranis had a guy in SCTV who dressed like this.
	The fuck was his name?
	I think he was like a psychic or something.
	Look up Rick Moranis.
	Yeah, there he is.
	Jerry Todd.
	Oh, that's exactly him.
	Yeah.
	I accidentally dressed like Jerry Todd today.
	Is that his name?
	Let's see him.
	Bob McKenzie Chuck Malone.
	Jerry Todd, yeah.
	The internet is like your own brain if you were a genius.
	Like, I'm smart now.
	I can remain anything, I was going to say.
	I'm so smart now, I can remain anything.
	Show us a video clip of Jerry Todd.
	Because it reminds me of a controversial subject I wanted to bring up that I was going to wait till after the paywall.
	Oh, are we going to get stricken?
	Yeah.
	I don't want to say anything that could be construed as hate because I know my days are numbered on YouTube and this goes on YouTube.
	For this clip, will we get strict?
	Oh, yeah, we might get strict.
	Find him when he's dressed like this, though.
	Maybe if you show it for three seconds.
	I'll rotate.
	I saw this thing on GQ today, and it was a Navy SEAL talking about all – Okay, just show him for a second, I guess.
	That's a pretty thing called turning Japanese.
	Hopefully.
	Okay.
	I hope we didn't anger the YouTube gods.
	We're on the thinnest ice imaginable.
	We're like a fat chick feeding the geese.
	Okay, should I just talk about it?
	What?
	That taboo that we weren't going to talk about till after the paywall came up?
	Maybe if you tease this enough that people subscribe to check it out.
	I don't think I can resist, though.
	Okay, I can't resist.
	I'm physically incapable of resisting.
	What if your son was gay?
	Now, there's several types of gays, right?
	I guess you're wondering why I have this on the...
	We've been talking a lot of trash culture, like Thousand Pound Sisters and this fucking dumb show and that dumb show.
	So I've been trying to bring books back in the episode.
	So I've been reading this, and I want to talk about it.
	It's just a collection of his essays.
	It's really good.
	But that's why it's on the table.
	But Eugene Levy.
	So speaking of Jerry Todd, SCTV, I grew up with SCTV in Canada, and the quality was just fucking shockingly good.
	Catherine O'Hara, who co-writes, I believe, Shit's Creek with Eugene Levy, she wrote a sketch called Half Wits, which was Jeopardy, but the stupidest people in the world.
	So there's questions like, articles of clothes, sorry, articles of, yeah, articles of clothing found in the bedroom.
	And like, a parka, Alex?
	And Eugene Levy's getting more and more frustrated.
	Yeah.
	John Candy's so good in this.
	Oh, Joe Flaherty's awesome.
	A job.
	I have a job.
	Thank you.
	She has a spider tattooed to her face.
	We're going to get strigging.
	How long do we get?
	I don't know.
	That's why it's like, it's ice.
	And I wanted to play a song to begin the show and discuss the song.
	This week, we've had a theme, which is soft acoustic numbers done by hardcore bands.
	We've had Dag Nasty, Hooskerdoo.
	Who was the first one?
	I just closed the thing.
	Let me see.
	Zen Arcade.
	No, that was.
	Damn it.
	The first band was a Zen Arcade.
	So we had Hoosker Dew.
	It was?
	Dag Nasty and Zen Arcade.
	No, Zen Arcade was the Hooskerdoo album, you puts.
	Oh, frick.
	Can you switch the viewfinder here?
	But I'd love to play a song and talk about it as we do on the real show, but we can't do that because of the YouTubes.
	I hope you're seeing how gray the world is when we let the censors dominate.
	I hope you're seeing the lack of humor that's going on here.
	You know what I found out?
	Wait, wait a minute.
	I'm on too many tangents.
	So let's go back a bit.
	So show a little more half wits.
	All right.
	Category and Johnny Ola, tell everyone what our contestants could win on this round of.
	Flip it.
	I mean, no one, does anyone own this at this point?
	I don't even remember this part.
	Martin Short, the way Martin Short looked like a complete imbecile with this character is, and I read this in his autobiography, he blackened The bottom half of his two front teeth to make his teeth look shorter.
	Brilliant move.
	The idiots have short teeth, for sure.
	Idiots have short teeth.
	Some short-toothed idiot walked into the club.
	Well, we seem to have exhausted that relatively simple category.
	So I tell you what I'm going to do.
	Anyway, that's Eugene Levy to me, right?
	Alpha male.
	Hilarious dude.
	You know why SCTV was so funny and a high production, by the way?
	Canada's full of grants.
	It's communist.
	And this improv troop, I think it was, yeah, it was Second City, obviously.
	They get told they can have their own show over in Winnipeg, which is so fucking cold that when you meet people from Winnipeg, it's like seeing a Pearl Harbor vet.
	You just go like, you nod at them.
	You are a survivor of the coldest fucking winters on earth and the worst summers in the springs.
	The mosquitoes there.
	Kids ride mosquitoes to school.
	They hold onto their legs and they ride them to school.
	And so the TV studio, which is funded by the government in Winnipeg, said, yeah, come on down.
	You can do a show here.
	So they have like sets and green screens and fucking soap opera sets and a subway train and prosthetics and makeup and everything they need.
	It's kind of a once in a, I'm not even going to say lifetime.
	It's a once in a culture's history moment where some fantastically equipped TV studio gives a random bunch of clowns a studio and they make an incredible show.
	Anyway, this is going to get us booted off YouTube, but I'm watching Eugene Levy.
	I'm going to try to be as politically correct as I can with this.
	But Eugene Levy and Dan Levy hosted the SAG Awards, and I got to be honest, it came across a lot more like the FAG Awards.
	I couldn't resist.
	I have treats.
	I didn't mean that, YouTube.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry for that joke.
	But SAG rhymes with FAG.
	Can you resist?
	Hey, censors who are about to kill my channel.
	Say you're at a bar and you're talking about the SAG Awards and Dan Levy.
	You think you could avoid that rhyming slang?
	That cockney slang?
	Anyway, go ahead.
	From actual host.
	That's true.
	Number one, we will not be reappearing throughout the show.
	And two, we aren't being paid.
	That's also true.
	Although SAG actually offered me an internship credit and a free flu shot.
	So that's wonderful.
	Yeah.
	Now tonight, actors celebrate the craft of acting and get to push their talent to the limit.
	Are you doing a his dad impression?
	Why are their faces?
	Did they do Coke right before this?
	I don't know.
	Doing Coke with your son?
	Didn't you do Coke with your grandpa?
	No.
	That was another family member.
	My grandfather would never touch Coke.
	Who was the family member you did Coke with?
	Yeah, you know.
	So these guys are gay, huh?
	I'm an open book on my show.
	You're not an open book?
	No.
	Why do you get to be a closed book?
	Well, it's like, you know, I can't speak for the chapter, but, you know, I could tell you.
	I can't see you.
	Why are you talking and I can't see you?
	I could tell you the things that I was involved with, but I'd rather, you know, I got nothing bad to say about the family.
	Still can't see you.
	The club, the family.
	I got nothing bad to say about the family, you know what I mean?
	But when I was in there, we had a great time.
	You know the impression I'm doing?
	Yeah, you're doing Maddie O'Dell.
	That's correct.
	Who is our next free speech?
	Nice pivot, Rye guy.
	Got out of that one pretty.
	Look, if someone is remotely Puerto Rican, they do coke with their entire family.
	So let's go back to that clip.
	I didn't mean to talk about this.
	And get to push their talent to the limit by playing good losers.
	That's true.
	So look out for those performances tonight because some of them might be recognized at next year's SAG Awards.
	And speaking of compelling performances, Mr. Robert De Niro is receiving the life achievement this evening.
	Like Chadwick Moore is our gay friend, right?
	Yes.
	And when he came out to his southern dad, find Dan Levy and Eugene on some other show like Eleanor or something.
	Yeah, yeah, I got that.
	When he came out to his dad in the South, his dad went, woof.
	And then he did what 99.9% of Americans, American dads would do, which is you're bummed, not for years.
	You're bummed for a normal amount of time, like maybe a minute.
	And then you go, and then he said, well, I guess I'll tell you what I told your sister, which is if anyone fucks you over, breaks your heart, I'll kick the shit out of them.
	And then he said, why are you gay?
	But Chadwick doesn't act gay.
	No, not really.
	So all it is, is the act that in the privacy of their own homes when you're not there.
	And you're like, I don't care.
	I don't want to hear about you fucking your wife or your girlfriend.
	What if, like, it's just as interesting to me that my, you know, son's wife, my son fucks his wife in the butt.
	Like, I don't want to know about that, right?
	So that's just your sex life.
	But what about when your sexual preference subsumes your persona and you adopt the mannerisms?
	Now, isn't it like, who's this clown?
	It looks like Sergei.
	Don't cut ahead of me.
	Isn't it like you have a son and he goes, hi, Dad.
	You should probably know something now.
	You know, I'm an adult.
	I am Turkish.
	And I have Turkish traditions and I love Turkey.
	Also, I'm a huge fan of Kazakhstan.
	But you have to understand Turkey is very secular.
	We have a rich history.
	And you're like, I don't really have a problem with Turks, but so now you're Turkish?
	Don't you guys make shitty Star Wars and shitty E.T. and stuff and eat food that's like a bunch of plates?
	All right.
	Well, I don't relate to that.
	You know what I'm saying?
	This is like...
	This is the most delicate homophobia I can muster.
	You know what it is?
	Just that's different.
	But just be honest with me.
	Like, this is, this is, I got in a lot of trouble for that transphobia article, but I was like, let's just be honest.
	Like, your dad comes in.
	One day, your dad's your dad.
	And then the next Thanksgiving, he has pits and a blondwig, and his name's Clarice.
	And he's dating, I don't know, do they, I always get confused with like their sexual preference.
	And he's dating a man named Jerry.
	So Jerry's like your new dad?
	And say he's had the full sex change, right?
	No, let's do it correctly.
	How does it work?
	Gotta put one finger through.
	When you make a I think you need two hands.
	I do have two hands.
	Two pairs of hands.
	Oh.
	Like, you go vertical, I go horizontal.
	Are you trying to seduce me?
	No, no, no.
	I put my hands like that, and then you put your hands like this.
	All right, yeah, let's try it.
	Do you want to do the pussy art?
	I can see yours.
	Okay, let's bring it over to the camera.
	Oh, you're going to have to switch.
	You guys ready?
	Ready?
	This is so immature.
	That should be behind the paywall.
	I lost my train of thought, but dad comes over.
	Oh, yeah.
	He's had the full sex change.
	And then you're just like, hi.
	You can't call him dad anymore, right?
	Hi.
	Jen?
	And everyone's okay with that?
	No, you'd be freaked the fuck out.
	You would cry your eyes out, actually.
	Let's be honest.
	Some other people would do other things.
	Let me say something in the gay defense.
	If your daughter moved to China and started speaking Chinese, and you know, you're only going to see her once a year because the flight is so expensive.
	And she had Chinese kids and everything, and spoke Chinese and read Chinese newspapers, you'd be bummed, right?
	No, I'm selling homophobia.
	Hear me out.
	So, I don't know.
	I was watching Eugene.
	I hate the way jackets crumple on the back like this weird turtle shell.
	How do you stop that?
	I guess you have good posture.
	I'm watching Dan Levy.
	Eugene Levy?
	Dan Levy and his dad.
	And I'm just like, my son is not just a person who has a strange sexual proclivity.
	His entire personality is his sexuality, and it's different from mine.
	And he talks differently than me.
	Is it also like a loss of culture?
	Where if you're super Korean and then your kids sound American, you're like...
	Chinese gays are like, like, why?
	Why are you gay?
	Yeah.
	I had a theory for a long time that Dan Levy is actually us.
	Do you remember that kooky theory?
	What do you mean?
	Or I said, I said, because I was based on my dad, who when I was a kid, would get shit-faced and he'd pull up his blazer and he'd be like, ho de true de grapevine.
	How much longer will you be mine?
	Honey, honey, yeah.
	And he was like gay, like dancing around with his socks.
	In the 70s, especially in Canada, people at parties dance in their socks.
	So you got like black toes, like goofy toes from Disney.
	It's kind of feminine because socks were stockings back then.
	You know what else you'd see?
	I remember as a kid being 10 and just going, I don't like this.
	Drunk women, boomers, with tight jeans on and then brown nylon feet.
	They'd wear brown nylons under their jeans.
	So you'd see their weird like nylon webbed toes as they danced around to steely Dan in fucking dire straits.
	Smoked their pot that had seeds and twigs in it.
	And then they would all fall asleep.
	So I remember coming out when I was like, not gay, but coming outside of my bedroom at about, you know, midnight or 1 a.m.
	And my living room looked like Auschwitz.
	There was just like two or three dads talking and then just 15, 20 people conked.
	And the dads talking would have their wives asleep on their lap.
	And they'd be like, I totally know what you mean.
	The rose British, even though we were in Canada.
	I totally know what you mean, Jimmy.
	It's an absolute travesty.
	So anyway, sorry, back to my original point.
	So imagine you're Eugene Levy and this is your son.
	Alongside you when Gilda left Second City Theater and I got to be in the theater with you.
	This is Catherine O'Hara, the woman who wrote Half Wits, the funniest sketch of all time.
	Oh, SCTV stands for Second City Theater.
	Craig is back for its sixth and final year.
	Wow.
	Thank you.
	The Levies welcome co-star Annie Murphy.
	Did you talk about this?
	This isn't a crazy coincidence.
	We just happen to be guest hosting the same week that our show, Shit's Creek, is back for its sixth.
	Who even watches Shitz Creek?
	They're doing great for publicity right now.
	It's a nice thing.
	And I think 90% of the people who hear about Shitz Creek go, I'm probably going to check that out at some point.
	I wouldn't be surprised if I become kind of a Schittz Creeker, whatever they're called, but I'm probably going to become very big.
	I'm a Schitz Creeker.
	Startweaker.
	Oh, shit.
	We forgot to read our sponsors.
	Ah, yes, of course.
	I didn't even ask what they are.
	I'm a shitzkrieker.
	What song is that?
	Chris Knight.
	Heartbreaker by Pet Benatar.
	Heartbreaker!
	Hi.
	And favorite cocktail.
	Hi, my son.
	Cosmopolitan on the rocks?
	Can I say that in 2019?
	Yeah, you can.
	It's unique.
	That's a unique answer.
	And what's your favorite scent?
	Anything like woody, like a burnt wood, like a cedar or a pine, something.
	Anything woody?
	I bet.
	I should have saved that from behind the paywall.
	This is going to be a...
	You're now among the likes of Kevin Hart.
	Tracy Chapman.
	Tracy Chapman.
	He's got a fast car.
	Everyone has a fast car.
	What are you talking about?
	He's got a fast car.
	What?
	Can your car go up to 200 miles an hour?
	Every single car in the world goes way faster than you would ever need or ever want.
	200 miles an hour is petrifying.
	It's like at the gym today, they had good times, bad times.
	You know, I have my share.
	But my woman left home for a brown-eyed man, and I still don't seem to care.
	What?
	Your chick dumped you?
	Yeah, that's not the worst part.
	What's the worst part?
	He had brown eyes.
	What the fuck are you talking about, Robert Plant?
	Your girlfriend left you for a guy.
	Okay, that sucks.
	I feel really bad for you.
	You probably weren't paying attention to her, though.
	You were probably neglecting her, and she went to someone else as a fuck you to you.
	But let's give you the benefit of doubt.
	Just say she's a cunt, okay?
	Why are you telling me his eye color?
	He had brown eyes.
	If you told me that your girlfriend left you for a guy with brown eyes, I'd think you're a gay homosexual lunatic.
	And it reminded me of, because here's what's happened.
	Here's what's happened with that song.
	Robert Planet's probably ripping off some blues classic we've never heard of.
	Where he's like, am I baby?
	My baby left me for a blue-eyed man.
	But I don't care.
	I got other shit fish to fry, motherfucker.
	Like it's probably, and that has oodles of context.
	So I'm into that.
	He's probably saying, like, I know we're supposed to feel bad when our, you know, post-slavery girlfriends hook up with a white guy, a blue-eyed man, but I'm happy here where I am.
	I don't need them.
	Something like that, right?
	I get that.
	That's a statement.
	I'm not saying it's good or bad or I give a shit about it, but it's a thing I understand.
	So when Robert Plant ripped it off, he probably went, blue-eyed man feels queer.
	Why would I know his eyes?
	I'll just say brown-eyed man, and then the people will get that it's a black guy, which is a totally different thing.
	Like a British person in the 70s going, you know, my girlfriend hooked up with a black guy.
	I don't even care.
	You go, okay, how brave of you?
	I don't know.
	It's kind of different from a 1935 bleeding melon gums saying my girlfriend hooked up with a plantation owner, ex-plantation owner, whatever.
	That's a slightly different story.
	And it reminded me of, Brian and I were talking about this the other day, when you see movies, because I saw Get Out on TV the other day, and it was all like motherfucker was Mother Flipper, and fuck you was fudge you.
	All the voices were the real voices, by the way.
	Which means the actress sat there in a soundstage going, what are you, mother flipping out of your mind?
	The pineapple ones, really?
	Oh, no, the best one is, this is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.
	Are we going to get in shit for this too?
	By the way, the GQ thing I mentioned earlier, a Navy SEAL went through like American Sniper and all these different military movies, and the movies took up the whole screen, and it was on YouTube.
	Yeah, Jocko Willinks, was that the guy doing it?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yep.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I don't know.
	I gotta text our podcast guy and tell him what readings I'm supposed to do.
	Hand me the cage, you fucking cucksucker.
	Hand me the cage, you fairy godmother.
	Booby cuts.
	You fairy godmother.
	Fairy godmother.
	You sound like a great big chicken.
	Just wait until we pull up.
	Where'd you get a beauty scar tough guy?
	Eating pussy.
	Wait, why are you making it so fast?
	Oh, I did that just in case we played a song.
	But hold on.
	You're that beauty scar tough guy.
	Eating pineapple.
	Yippie Kaye, motherfucker.
	Yippie Kaye, Mr. Falcon.
	Mr. Yippie Kaye, Mr. Falcon.
	That's exactly the same as my woman left home for a brown-eyed man and I still don't seem to care.
	Go ahead, bitches.
	Sleep with brown-eyed guys.
	You think I give a fuck?
	Me over, aren't you?
	You see what happens, Larry?
	You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the air?
	You see what happens, Larry?
	You see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?
	It's a really good dub.
	When you find a stranger in the Alps, you say, you assume they speak English because Scandinavian countries are great with English, and you say, are you okay?
	You take them to safety.
	All right, let's talk about Johnny Apple CBD.
	I use Johnny Apple CBD every day.
	Johnny Apple helps me recover from all of my boxing workouts.
	It gives me the best sleep of my life.
	I think we have a more modern one of these.
	I've been talking all day.
	Please go to jacbd.com.
	Don't you have the shirt?
	I do.
	The problem is we're too dapper to have the shirts on on the show.
	But maybe you could just show the shirt to the camera.
	When you use promo code Gavin, you get 20% off.
	Wait, that's not a good one.
	That's true.
	Johnny Apple is made from USA grown hemp, American hemp.
	Johnny Apple CB has an amazing selection of gummies, supplements, ointments, and try their new delicious CBD cookies.
	You will not get high, but you will feel as great as I do every day.
	And you will have The best sleep of your life.
	Go to jacbd.com and use promo code Gavin.
	Show the sponsors some love, but more importantly, show yourself some love and feel great.
	I love these products.
	Visit jacbd.com, use promo code GAVIN and treat yourself.
	I feel like booze.
	You feel like booze?
	I must have some booze.
	There is booze.
	Hey, look, they got you don't have booze.
	There's strawberry flavored.
	Oh, fun.
	Because I use the tinctures like literally every day.
	I really do.
	You see me do it.
	Yeah, you don't need to use literally there.
	When you said every day, I went, he probably uses them every day.
	Literally every day.
	All right, it's figuratively.
	Johnny DSI Johnny.
	Okay.
	That's the reads we have to do.
	This is a really fun book.
	I've been trying to discipline myself to read more because I was kind of getting in a TV rut and staring at my fucking phone rut.
	And when I fix my life, I want to help you fix your life.
	So here's two things I've done that have helped me quite a bit.
	One, don't charge your phone next to your bed.
	Now you're falling asleep.
	Ryan is very guilty of this, by the way.
	Now you're falling asleep, looking at shit, letting it control your brain.
	When you look at your phone before you go to sleep, you're not letting your thoughts control your dreams.
	You're letting, oh my God, you're letting your phone control your dreams.
	So you inevitably dream about the last few things you saw there, and they're a bunch of bullshit.
	You should be lying in your bed thinking about your own shit, your own stuff, your own ideas.
	Then you fall asleep thinking about that.
	Then when you wake up, you've just had a bunch of dreams.
	Think about your dreams for a little while.
	What was that about?
	Why was I fucking Ryan's mom the whole time?
	That might not have been a dream.
	She's a big fan.
	Oh, that's a dream like Martin Luther King.
	I have a dream.
	I had a dream.
	Have a funny Martin Luther King's.
	I have a dream.
	That man will be judged.
	And you're like, I have a dream too.
	I want to fuck my friend's mom.
	The whole crouch is so uncomfortable.
	No, this is at a party.
	He's like, I have a dream.
	I want people to live and love each other.
	I want to get like a fucking, I want to have like my own washer-dryer in my own apartment so I don't have to go downstairs.
	Am I being unfunny?
	I got it.
	I'm on mushrooms where I could just go on a bad trip at any moment.
	Anyway, and the other thing, when you wake up, your dreams are relevant, right?
	So you want to think about your dreams for a bit.
	There's a butthole surface song called 22 Going On 23 where this woman calls into a show and they turn it into a song.
	And she goes, I have these dreams and I try to turn out a winner, but I just can't do it.
	And it's based on a true psychiatric thing where if you're in your dream and you're like getting beat up by people or something and you're getting semi-coherent, get back in it and beat them all up.
	Like come out a winner.
	That's how people get happy.
	So a lot of manic depressive, they discover, are people who have dreams where they lose and they allow themselves to lose.
	Anyway, when you have your phone there, you don't get part of this cleansing.
	Like taking a shit in the morning happens in your brain too.
	So go to bed without your phone.
	Wake up without your phone.
	And as far as reading goes, this is crazy, but try to read 10 pages a night.
	Now, inevitably what happens is you start on page 13 and you don't stop at 23.
	You might go to 50, 60, 70.
	But if you force yourself to have 10 pages, you will end up reading a lot.
	It'll bring reading back into your life.
	Now, Charles Cranimer, this book, The Point of It All, it's just a collection of essays.
	And it's a great little like snack.
	Like we don't get too deep with this.
	Mark Stein is deep.
	Mark Levin is deep.
	Those books change your life, but it can be a little too intense sometimes.
	And if you're just trying to get back into reading after a large break, get a collection of essays like this and just read 10 pages.
	I promise you you'll read more.
	Oh, and here's another thing.
	I learned this from a French guy who did a big campaign about 10 years ago about reading, where he said, stop thinking you have to read everything perfectly from the first page to the last page and answer questions.
	That's bullshit we got brainwashed with from school.
	It's like a record.
	Unless it's fiction and there's some dumb story, you can kind of leap around.
	Like this is a perfect example of that.
	It's a bunch of essays where I was reading a bunch of obituaries at the beginning and I was like, I don't like obituaries.
	Stop kissing these people's ass.
	And then I jumped over to why, what's great about Australia.
	So you can just sort of indulge yourself.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, says Ryan, who hasn't read more than a fucking fortune cookie in two months.
	No, I read the Bible the other night, Job.
	No, and you really helped me learn it because I would always zone out and they'd be like, I have to reread it.
	And now you're just, you're punishing.
	Why am I punishing myself?
	Yeah, don't punish yourself.
	If you zoned out for three pages, those pages sucked.
	Fuck those pages.
	That's very...
	It's like music.
	If you're listening to music and you go wind it.
	Holy shit, I missed a part of those lyrics.
	Fuck it.
	It's all healthy for you.
	You're eating healthy food.
	I'm so fucking pugilistically dimensioned that I got his message about what we read today.
	Oh, yeah, there was an email.
	And I have to write it down.
	I now pronounce you man and with a.
	I pronounce it weird.
	Oh, I discovered a new thing at the gym today.
	You can kind of tell what the coach is doing with certain fighters, like with their regimen after they warm up, and they'll do like four stairs for heavy bag or whatever, right?
	So you hit the heavy bag for one round, and then for one round, you run up and down the stairs.
	So you can predict after three rounds of stairs, they're going to have to do another one, and then it'll probably be just like the double-ended bag, push-ups, and crunches.
	So, I've been going up to fighters who are professionals and just being like, okay, I think that's one more round of stairs, and then we're good to go.
	Just abs, push-ups, double-ended bag.
	Actually, let's do stairs, double-end bag, and then push-ups and abs, and you're good to go, my friend.
	Give them an ass slap.
	Go ahead.
	Yeah, I love talking to people I'm not supposed to be the way I'm like, you know.
	Like, hey, boss, you know, go do it.
	It's uncomfortable, but can I try it?
	Okay.
	It better get funny at some point.
	I'm going to need that on my desk on Monday.
	I'm going to need that on my desk.
	Ain't nobody got time for that!
	Is that good?
	Speaking of ruining the show, there's a lot of controversy with my fight with Ryan last week.
	A lot of people said I was out of line.
	Ryan here has a case to present that it was his headphones I was hearing.
	Yes.
	Why don't you present your case right now?
	Well, let's see if I can pull it off.
	Well, why is my case gay?
	No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	Your headphones have to stay on your head, my friend.
	Oh, okay.
	So one is on your sideburn and one is not.
	Right.
	Yeah, this one I usually have like that, yeah.
	So, oh wait, how do I play the song with that?
	Well, I do this.
	I won't look.
	Wait, I can't look at you, or the people at home can't look at you.
	See how it's echoing now?
	I have to mute you guys.
	I don't think that's a good idea.
	You're fucking up your defense.
	What are you, Donald Trump?
	I can't do this experiment because we echo back.
	I could do it.
	No, I can't do it.
	I can't do it because I mute our channels when I'm putting it.
	Okay, so in other words, I was still right as of now.
	No, but before you not presented sufficient evidence.
	However, our other fight was with that Elmo guy.
	Yes, another win for me.
	Elbow Mumble Rapper, where I claimed he was serious and he thought he was inventing a cool kind of rap.
	And you said it's a joke.
	Yes.
	His name is Darkus.
	Darkest.
	And then 645.
	Now you claim you have a stultifying piece of evidence that is going to prove to me that he's kidding and I'm an idiot for insisting that he was not kidding.
	Yes.
	Now, I got to find this guy.
	It was a couple days ago.
	645AR.
	Why wouldn't you look up Elmo rapper?
	And by the way, printer, why are you printing out a blank page?
	Get your shit together.
	Okay, so I got his...
	How it all started.
	Remember the...
	Yeah, catch him up on the original thing.
	Okay.
	Is this going to get us banned?
	I don't know if he's lititious.
	If it's on YouTube, can't we show it?
	He's got...
	I think that's...
	From Wu-Tang Clan.
	Cuban Lynx.
	Really?
	Raekwon with an Ewok.
	You might.
	He might be litigious.
	That looks pretty serious to me.
	My argument within the video is that he shows Elmo a lot, and then he also shows Goku.
	He has a...
	Yes.
	But that could still all be serious.
	This is my tipping point.
	evidence Wait for it.
	Oh, shit!
	Thank you.
	Okay.
	So what I think is that he knows it's ridiculous, but he's leaning into it.
	I think you got me.
	Yes.
	Because I didn't think you were convinced before.
	I think you got me.
	Yes.
	I was wrong.
	That guy is kidding.
	He gets the joke, and he's not seriously trying to be a really successful high-pitched Elmo rapper.
	Correct.
	He actually seems like a really funny guy and someone you'd want to hang out with.
	It's a bunch of like kiddie stuff and like intentionally goofy.
	Almost like odd future-ish.
	Yeah.
	That's what I should have said instead of bumble rap guy.
	You know what I want to do?
	I want to take some calls before the paywall, but I also want to answer some letters.
	We had a rough letters day yesterday where everything was about Nick Fuentes and tips on the show.
	Like, you should probably get Chuck Zito.
	Yeah, I'd fucking strangle my mother to death to get Chuck Zito.
	Thanks for the suggestion.
	We're not looking for suggestions.
	I don't like the way it's Ryan's back when you show that.
	I don't give a fuck what you like or don't like.
	Do you not like it when you watch home improvement and the neighbor's faces is skewed by a fence?
	This is our stylistic choices.
	So fuck you if you don't like them.
	And also fuck you if you don't go to betdsi.com slash gavin right now.
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	Speaking of Bitcoin, I got an alarming email the other day that someone has been watching me watch porn.
	They're disgusted by my choices, which is basically all the heterosexual trailers on kink.com.
	And if I don't send them $5,000 in Bitcoin, they will contact all of my contacts, which they've also hacked into, and show them not just me looking at these things, but what I do when I look at these things.
	And they're holding you hostage, basically.
	Well, it took me like three hours to figure out how to get Bitcoin.
	I finally got that and sent it to them.
	And then I got four other emails right after that asking for another 5,000.
	So I spent like 40 grand in a day, and I spent the whole day in the computer trying to avoid the fact that I may have occasionally looked at some boobs.
	I think you were swindled.
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	What's that sound?
	Supposed to be a stadium crowd cheering effect.
	What do you think of this little trinket?
	Hey, what is that?
	My wife went, we had some guests in town last week, and my wife went shopping, and she bought this, I guess, Indian bug.
	She loves buying Indian shit.
	Indian bug.
	It's kind of cool how it reflects, right?
	Yeah, what is it?
	A plastic thing?
	That looks cool.
	This is also an Indian bug.
	Oh, before we get to the mail.
	I was reading this Harvey Weinstein thing that was on the cover of the post today.
	Right?
	I had assumed this was a given.
	But if you get raped, call the cops.
	I remember I was reading in Maximum Rock and Roll this columnist Michael Board.
	This must have been like 1989.
	And he said, and this will probably get back to him because we travel in the same circles.
	But he said in a column, rape is just assault, but sexual.
	You've been raped in your genitals.
	So the only reason that we treat it differently is because of the sexual stigma that we have.
	We live in a prudish society.
	And so we go, oh my God, there's been a rape.
	She lost her chastity.
	She's no longer a valuable woman.
	If we didn't have all that bullshit, virgin prudism, then we wouldn't have that same kind of hysteria around rape.
	And we just treat it as an assault.
	And I read that as a 19-year-old, and I was like, that's fucking basically true.
	So I went over to my dad as a 19-year-old does.
	Every time a 19-year-old has a thought that's slightly outside the box, they go to their dad and they're like, I know you think I'm stupid, and I haven't contributed anything to society yet, and you're smarter than me, but what about this idea?
	And then you blow their mind with something like, smoking is actually good for you.
	So I blew my dad's mind with that when I go, so rape is basically assault, and the stigma around sexuality is what makes it so fucked up.
	Ready for him to go, holy fuck, son.
	You've done some research, pal.
	You read an 800-word article in a punk zine.
	Wow.
	So what he actually said was, oh, really?
	All right.
	Do us a favor then, son.
	Go out and get the shit kicked out of you.
	And then go out and get raped.
	And tell me which one is worse.
	That's pretty good.
	I was like, all righty.
	I guess you won that round.
	Back to the drawing board.
	Because you can beat me up for a Fortnite.
	You can play Fortnite for real on my face.
	And it doesn't hold a candle to a stranger's penis in your butt.
	Anyway, I'm reading these.
	So they have accuser number one, accuser number two, accuser number three.
	He's got like hundreds.
	And I don't want to sit here and defend Harvey Weinstein because I don't know all the cases.
	But let's just do this on a case-to-case basis.
	Forget Harvey Weinstein and speak, you know, almost hypothetically about the law.
	So accuser number one, Annabella Skiora.
	Skiora, who was raised in Brooklyn, met Harvey Weinstein in the early 90s at an LA industry event.
	He drove her home and gave her his card.
	Sometime later, she sent Weinstein a script to a friend wrote.
	He said, I love it.
	We'll do it if you're in it.
	Okay.
	There's Larry Davids, manager.
	He sent a care package containing movie tapes, a bunch of presents, a bottle of Valium.
	It's very Cosby-esque.
	She became part of the Mirramax Circle attending events and dinners.
	In the winter of 93, 94, she was at a dinner with Weinstein in an Irish restaurant.
	He offered to drive her back to her apartment in Gramercy Park.
	Everything's fine so far.
	She went upstairs and changed into her nightgown when Weinstein suddenly started knocking on her door, she claims.
	He allegedly grabbed her, pushed her under the bed, and raped her.
	Then allegedly forcibly performed oral sex on her.
	God, someone loves the smell of their own dick.
	Speak in.
	In 1997, she appeared in the mirror.
	Okay, so that's what happened that night.
	This is textbook definition rape.
	I mean, you said it and raped her.
	Gotcha.
	Loud and clear, Sir Earl.
	Call the fucking cops.
	We have a rape on our hands.
	I had a fight with my wife about this.
	I go, shouldn't there be some culpability with these women?
	If you get raped by someone and you don't call the cops, you're facilitating further rapes.
	You don't know how hard it is.
	I don't know.
	There's 620,000 deaths in the Civil War.
	We've been through some rough shit.
	Go through some rough shit.
	Some fucking thugs come up to me in an alleyway and go, thump, thumb, thump, thump, thump, and sewing machines, stab me with a knife.
	It's not going to be hard to go to the police.
	I'm going to go to the police.
	Yeah, but she's been violated and she was friends with him.
	Yeah, it sucks.
	I'm sorry.
	It sucks.
	You're preventing rape.
	Be a hero.
	Anyway, the end of this, it says in 1997, she appeared in the Miramax movie Copland, but prosecutors said she didn't realize it was a Weinstein project.
	She finally came forward in 2017.
	This happened in 1994.
	Oh, yeah.
	Okay.
	This, by the way, is the best one of the three.
	Accuser number two.
	This one's a doozy.
	She's blacked out.
	Man was raised on a small dairy farm in Washington state and left home when she was just 16 after enduring a difficult childhood.
	At 25, she moved to.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Like, why is this in a court?
	Also, if you're a judge for the real rapes, you go, this is what I signed up for.
	This is why I have a robe.
	If someone has a bullshit rape, you go, get the fuck out of here.
	You're wasting our court's time.
	I'm here for real shit.
	And you're trivializing.
	It's like when you call someone a Nazi, you're trivializing the Holocaust.
	When you say a bad day at the opera is rape, you're trivializing rape.
	At 25, she moved to LA with dreams of being an actress.
	She'd already had a few small parts in commercials and independent films when she met Weinstein at a party.
	Okay, that's nice.
	She gave him her number and the two started a five-year relationship that ended in 2017.
	Hmm.
	She's 25, and she's with Harvey Weinstein.
	Bitch, are you for real?
	Good timing.
	Thanks.
	She alleges that he raped her on March 18th, 2013 at a Doubletree Hotel in Midtown.
	One of the lower quality hotels available in Midtown.
	The next day, she attended the premiere of the movie August Osage Country as Weinstein's guest.
	How dare you?
	How dare you?
	I am the aunt angry.
	There you go.
	Comedy comes in threes.
	Isn't that, I mean, am I nuts?
	Ryan, you have no cognitive abilities.
	You're like a shrimp who became a human three days ago.
	What do you think?
	Jackhammers are allowed.
	You don't go to a movie premiere with the guy who raped you the next day.
	Maybe it's like the study is being.
	What if the guy beat the shit out of you?
	And you show up at the movie premiere going, hey, this guy has a temper on him, boy.
	Holy shit.
	Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
	Wow.
	I was like, no, I didn't spill your beer.
	It was the guy behind me, but he's like, I'm not having it.
	Anyway, we're cool now.
	And even if you did do that and you were like, we're cool now, you can't charge him with assault.
	This is not a good episode to not get kicked off of YouTube, by the way.
	This is a little controversial.
	First, we defended homophobia.
	Now we're defending Harvey Weinstein.
	I'm going to defend liberals soon if that helps.
	Oh, there's your dad.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	That's not a good.
	I don't think we can use that sample, dude.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	What if I overdub it?
	I was just going to say that.
	Yeah.
	But when you overdub it, instead of nothing wrong with that, say, nothing chickens, mother flipper.
	Nothing, bass bottle hat.
	This is what you get when you fuck a chick in the Alps.
	So beautiful.
	Accuser number three, Mimi Hilley.
	They're all the same type, too.
	Incredibly hot brunette eights.
	Middle one's dark.
	She's really dark.
	I like black chicks.
	Like the actual.
	This is Alex Way.
	What's her name?
	That model that they love in Vogue?
	Oh, is it a black model?
	Yeah, Ryan, that's my joke.
	Okay, I got you.
	What booze do you have here?
	Peanut.
	He literally has peanut whiskey.
	Why don't you bring out your peanut whiskey?
	Yeah, a fan, a really cool guy, keeps giving us this.
	Keeps giving us this.
	And giving good at it.
	You know, if you come to my house and you see my liquor cabinet, it's all the shit that I haven't devoured.
	So it's like going to a Cokehead's house and saying, what drugs do you have?
	We have Ascanajaway.
	I'm not drinking anything.
	No.
	I got regular rye.
	Look at this.
	Screwball.
	Peanut butter whiskey.
	This is exactly the same as having no whiskey.
	I don't want this.
	So my liquor cabinet is all like this.
	It's like screwball whiskey, apple brandy, fucking peach, scotch.
	Even rye.
	It has no fun to it.
	Like, bourbon has some.
	John and Alex gave this to us.
	Okay, well, way to just ruin their fucking plug.
	I've never sipped it.
	I've smelled it and spent the next three days barfing.
	All right.
	Mimi Halai.
	Halaii met Weinstein in 2004 at London Film Festival.
	They reconnected again in May 2006 when she ran into him at a Cannes Film Festival and asked him for a job.
	He invited her to meet him at his hotel the following day and set her up as a production assistant on the set of Project Runway.
	That is a fucking low favor.
	A production assistant on Project Runway?
	What is that?
	That's the McDonald's of Weinstein favors.
	It's probably 20 bucks an hour.
	And it's probably 12, 13 hour days.
	Project Runway does not have a budget.
	They shoot the whole thing in like four days.
	Anyway, he later invited her to join him on a private jet to attend Fashion Week in Paris and stay at the Ritz, but she declined.
	Okay, so he's courting her.
	On July 10th, 2006, Weinstein invited her to his Soho apartment where she alleges that he pushed her into a bedroom and forced oral sex on her.
	Rape.
	We got it.
	Call the cops immediately.
	Days later, here's what pisses me off.
	Days later, and if you've been raped, real life raped, this should piss you off too.
	Days later, she accepted a free plane ticket from Weinstein to visit a friend in LA.
	Well, you just, that's, now you're a high, very expensive prostitute.
	We can rape you for, I guess, $3,000.
	That's what that says.
	No?
	How is that different from prostitution?
	It's like the Michael Jackson thing where the parents would accept a $20 million payout if he, after he fucked their kid.
	They're just very expensive pimps.
	Allegedly.
	You're on Michael Jackson's side?
	I just don't want his guys coming after us.
	Who?
	His estate.
	It's the state.
	They get litigious.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	Do they get litigious?
	Yeah.
	They must be very busy.
	You're just pulling this out of your ass.
	The Michael Jackson estate is very litigious about pedophilia accusations.
	Jesus Christ, that poor lawyer must have, what's that called?
	Carpalton.
	Carpaltonal syndrome.
	Please stop calling him a pedophilia.
	Please stop calling him a pedopedopedopedy.
	I don't believe he did it or not.
	I just, I don't know.
	So wait a minute.
	You said they were litigious.
	Now you're saying you don't know if he did it or not.
	I don't, well, I don't know.
	Well, you haven't looked into it.
	He did it.
	Well, I did.
	I saw that documentary.
	I saw some other things.
	I just don't know.
	And then Ricky Rebel went on Milo show and he was like, he never did anything bad.
	Yeah, just because he didn't fuck every single kid who's ever met him doesn't mean he's not a pedophile.
	It means he's an underachiever.
	Ricky was a good-looking kid.
	On July 10, 2006, blah, blah, blah.
	Okay, so she accepted a free plane ticket from Weinstein to visit a friend in LA.
	When she returned, she met up with Weinstein this time inside his Tribeca hotel room where the producer bullied her to have sex with him.
	What the fuck does that mean?
	Bullied her to have sex with him.
	And you said he raped you and then you accepted a plane ticket and then you went to his Tribeca hotel room?
	She continued to communicate with him until 2017.
	This is...
	All right.
	Michael Jackson's nephews who tabloid for defamation over sexual abuse claims.
	Okay.
	I wanted to take a timeout before we get into the letters to talk about the right being a little too sensitive.
	I am not a fan of Yashar Ali.
	I personally believe, if we're talking about people being litigious, that he's one of these fat immigrates who comes here and just bitches.
	He's from Iran.
	He's a fat homosexual.
	He comes here and he bitches about homophobia in Iran.
	He bitches about homophobia in America and how horrible both countries are, even though we rescued him from a fucking Muslim shithole and brought him here.
	And I would just, I think a more reasonable stance would just be limitless thank yous.
	But I think a lot of immigrants come here and they see us all shitting on our own country.
	So they want to assimilate.
	So they go, oh, yeah, yeah, fuck America.
	Like this?
	Like this?
	Fuck America?
	Okay, yeah, yeah.
	So he's one of those.
	Anyway, there's, what's her name?
	The new InfoWars chick who became famous at her prom when she posed with the gun, which I think is awesome.
	Caitlin Bennett.
	Caitlin Bennett, wonderful gal, does great interviews, really cool chick.
	Someone impersonated her.
	This guy who continually impersonates all kinds of people.
	In fact, I think on Martin Luther King Day, he posed as the FBI.
	And when I say pose, I mean he maintains his alias, like his name, Jabuki or whatever it is.
	And then he'll change his name to FBI that day and then have an FBI logo.
	And he says something about Martin Luther King, like, we love and respect him, except when we're killing him.
	Anyway, he trolled Caitlin Bennett one day where, now I sent this to you separately because it was hard to find, where he used her picture and her name and said, I shit myself, something like that.
	Gotcha, yeah.
	Just two that.
	You lost control of my bowels?
	Yeah, so let's show it.
	Hillary lost the election.
	I lost control of my bowels, but at least I have an AR-15.
	I'm guessing what the cutoff part is.
	It's really hard to find these tweets.
	You know what?
	Yeah, I shit myself.
	This is America.
	Last time I checked, it wasn't illegal to boo-boo yourself.
	If even Obama couldn't erase my right, a little Zuzoo can either.
	I'm a blue-eyed, blonde-haired, gun-totin, Trump voting American, even if I had a poo accident.
	So she didn't say that.
	Yashar Ali was one of the many.
	He's an MSNBC contributor guy.
	And he thought it was awesome.
	He said, God bless Jabuki.
	So then our guys, my friends, our allies, started freaking out about it and saying it was revenge porn or violated revenge porn laws.
	And go down on this.
	Go down on this pussy.
	Wait, go up again.
	Go up again.
	Huffington Post contributor Yashir Lai deleted a tweet, blah, blah, blah.
	Go down more.
	His shared image of Bennett is described as revenge porn.
	Ali, who I love.
	Ali is not Yashir Ali.
	That's our guy.
	Yashar Ali is spreading literal political disinformation, targeted harassment, identity theft.
	Additionally, this violates Twitter terms of service, social violation, blah blah blah.
	Now, I want to be clear here: Ali, I consider a close friend, awesome dude.
	If you scroll down, you'll see Cernovich, Cassandra Fairbanks, all bitching about this guy, Jack Pisobic, Cernovich.
	These people I would, I've had a million beers with, and I love having beers with.
	Cassandra, too.
	Cassandra's, my Christmas card to her just bounced back.
	I guess I got her address wrong.
	But I don't want to become like the left.
	I don't want to become a comedy censor.
	When you read that stuff about her shitting herself, it's not porn.
	It's not revenge porn.
	It's clearly a joke.
	When Trump says I grab woman by the pussy, it's clearly a joke.
	I don't like Yashir Ali.
	I don't like Jabuki.
	The joke, Caitlin Benn is someone I revere, so I don't like jokes about her shitting, but I don't want them quelled.
	I don't want them stopped.
	I don't want them censored.
	Here's another example of us, our side being pussies.
	And I'm not calling Jack or Cassandra even a pussy.
	I'm going to drink this rye.
	This is like.
	No problem, Gav.
	This is like...
	'Cause he said, I was like, yeah, it was a bomb.
	No, that was good.
	This is like Maker's Mark or even Bullet Bourbon without any of the fun.
	It's like fucking an, I assume if you're a woman, it's like fucking an ugly dude with a big dick.
	Like it gets the job done.
	But you're just like, I got a glass.
	You want a glass?
	No, it's not about the glass.
	This is just, it's just like bare bones.
	Why did you buy this, by the way?
	I don't know.
	I brought it home from something.
	There was like some left over.
	I was just like.
	Why'd you bring him to the studio?
	Well, yeah, just...
	I do most of my partying in the city.
	I don't have a need for it anywhere else.
	It's been there for a while, but Elko don't go bad.
	And you've taken some zips of it before.
	Frankly.
	I'm never having a zip again.
	Do you know Italians call each other zips in a negative way?
	Never heard that.
	Fucking zips everywhere.
	So I walk into this fucking bar in South Brooklyn.
	Of course, it's all fucking zips.
	It's like Italians saying the N-word, I guess.
	Also, Siggies or Jeeps?
	Never heard that before.
	Probably because I'm not Italian.
	Fucking zips.
	Friggin' jeeps.
	It's like when you talk about your own people in a negative way, which whites are very good at.
	Anyway, this Biden gaffe I want to talk about briefly before we get into letters.
	I thought we would make this a short show, but it's becoming a long show.
	Maybe we'll make the calling part short.
	So yeah, some annoying dude at CBS is like, hey, hey, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?
	In a really irritating way, right?
	I hate Joe Biden, just to be clear.
	I hate his guts.
	Why wasn't his apology enough, Mr. Vice President?
	Why you text him?
	Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, what are you doing?
	You're getting nervous, man.
	Calm down.
	It's okay.
	He apologized for saying that I was corrupt.
	He didn't say anything about whether or not I was telling the truth about Social Security.
	Thank you guys for having me.
	Like, why is the right freaking out about that?
	That's actually one of the more likely.
	There's a million gaps.
	The fucking, I know a lot about roaches and kids jumping on my lap.
	That was smelling people's hair.
	That was embarrassing.
	The 11-year-old one, this is the one that you didn't know about, but there was like a talk, and then he was like, how old are you, honey?
	11?
	Talk to me after the show.
	In what world?
	That's pretty bad.
	That's okay to say.
	That's pretty bad.
	What context could be?
	Wanting to fuck 11-year-olds is a gap.
	On his behalf, it's also a felony.
	I tried to think of some kind of way to, if that was me and I said that, what did I mean?
	What else could I have meant?
	I meant like, come back stage, talk to me, let me get all your numbers and everything.
	So then in six years, when you turn 18, I can find you and say, are you single?
	I'm, of course, 78 now.
	But yeah, some guys are like, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?
	And you go, why, why, why, why, why?
	Like, I'm not going to, I have a new rule.
	I used to play Dirty Pool.
	I have a new rule.
	I'm not taking low-hanging fruit anymore.
	So if their side makes an unfortunate joke, I'm not going to become a Puritan just to win.
	All right, let's, let's, before we do the last, before we bid adieu to the free part on YouTube, I want to read some letters and maybe even take some calls.
	What do you think of that?
	I like it.
	I like it.
	Oh, is that an impersonation to me?
	Yeah.
	This is like earlier in the week, I was talking about how if your girlfriend tells you that she cheated on you or she wants to take a break, don't sit there and negotiate.
	Just walk away.
	So to make the point clear, I left my desk and walked away.
	And as I was walking past Ryan, he's totally confused.
	And he goes, you have to go poo?
	That's true.
	I did say that.
	But you were nowhere near the best.
	Imagine you saw someone walking in a direction.
	You just went, you have to go poo?
	Yep.
	I did that.
	Wow.
	I'm ashamed I did that.
	Ryan, shut up.
	You don't have a debt.
	Let's turn our eyes together.
	Let me touch it.
	Oh, shit.
	I got a whole bunch of new ones.
	Bash was ups.
	Bash was ups.
	Jesus, we get like 100 a day.
	Yeah, we get a lot.
	Okay, so I think I decided I only want to read the blue flags.
	I started flagging them, so this is not going to be easy for you.
	This is from January, way back on January 21st.
	Michael Hanlon.
	Position for pregnancy.
	What if I tell you the subject?
	Will that be easier to find?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	The subject is position for pregnancy.
	Gotcha.
	G-Dog.
	I heard a caller a few months ago mention that you at one time explained a sexual position that was great for pregnancy.
	However, he nor you elaborated on the details.
	At the time of my call, my wife and I have been trying unsuccessfully for our second baby for almost 18 months now.
	If you could explain the details of this magic position, it would be awesome.
	Thanks, fellas.
	All right, this also might get us banned from YouTube.
	Or get the table broken.
	It's putrid.
	And I don't think these pants go well with this blazer, but what I was actually talking about was I said, if you want to make a girl, first of all, if you want to have a baby, quit porn, stop beating off.
	That's it.
	Forget the schedule with the ovulating and all that stuff.
	That's total BS.
	Just quit porn and don't beat off and your wife will get pregnant.
	The end.
	If you're in the mood and she just finished your period, oh no, that's not good.
	That's not the proper schedule.
	Fuck the schedule.
	Schedule is ruining your sex life.
	Fuck that.
	So no porn, no beating off.
	Now, if you want to make a girl, just do whatever you want.
	You can beat off on some junk mail that arrived at her house and you'll make a girl.
	Boys, I don't know why, but the sperm is lazy.
	Oh, here's me acting it out.
	I didn't know I've done that.
	So with boy sperm, you basically have to drop it off at the front door.
	And the way you drop it off at the front door is standing doggy.
	So you're not just doing doggy, right?
	You're standing doggy.
	Well, why don't we watch it?
	And then when you're done, you go super deep.
	Super deep, right?
	You stand.
	You don't do doggy on your knees.
	You do standing doggy and you plunge down like you're unclogging a toilet.
	And then when you're done, when you're done, you collapse on her.
	Like a folding lawn chair.
	And then you hold it there for like a minute.
	Because male sperm, for whatever reason, is lazy and you got to drop it off right at the front door.
	You can tell how many times I repeat everything I say.
	That was a carbon copy of it.
	Well, that's how you know it's true, too.
	Yeah.
	I'm just making this up.
	You know what's weird?
	If they ever try that move, they're both going to be thinking of me.
	That is very strange.
	So I kind of ruined it.
	For the rest of their life, they're going to be looking at that.
	That's a fun game to do to a dude.
	You go up to your friend, you go, by the way, next time you beat off, think about me.
	It's really hard not to.
	See my face floating over the bed.
	See me.
	Don't forget this moment.
	Think about me.
	It is a disaster.
	It's a plunging downward standing doggy, and then you collapse on her like a folding lawn chair, and then you stay there.
	1, 1,000 2, 1,000 3, 1,000.
	Fucking, you got time.
	20 seconds?
	Just stay there on top of her.
	And that's how you make boys.
	If you want to make babies, then you just squit porn.
	Wait, I'm forgetting my own code here.
	What did red flags mean?
	Never read.
	Really?
	I don't know.
	Well, I would just delete it if I don't want to ever read it.
	Uh-oh, now we're frozen.
	Let me see if I got some.
	Oh, there we go.
	Um.
	No, red should mean we've already read it.
	Yeah.
	Uh, okay, let me do another blue.
	So then I'll make this red.
	Sorry, folks, you have to listen to me doing my homework.
	Um.
	Wait, that's red now.
	I've read it.
	And it works because red sounds like red.
	Gavin and Proud Boy's Strawman on Bones.
	Hey guys, check out this episode of Bones Season 11, Episode 12, the murder of a Menonist.
	There is a men's group called Men Now, and the leader is killed.
	Then the new leader was saying stuff like, if you dress like a whore, then you deserve to be raped.
	Yeah, because that's the way men talk in 2020.
	That must go back to like fucking 1940, maybe?
	Can you even imagine a guy going, well, she was raped, but what kind of pants was she wearing?
	Were they short shorts?
	And yeah, she was raped while wearing short shorts.
	The fuck.
	I can't watch it.
	Think about when we watch, you know, pop videos with Lady Gaga.
	They're all fucking naked with meat on their tits.
	The idea of someone going, well, what was she thinking?
	Not wearing a long dress.
	Anyway, but they go to a Woman for Change rally, and apparently there's been some heated Twitter exchanges with the head feminist.
	And apparently it was the men's group who were stalking her to restaurants.
	Do you think this relates to the Proud Boys or is this another famous men's group?
	Thanks, Patrick.
	My wife watches...
	Oh, he's defending himself because he says...
	I looked it up on YouTube and they wanted $100 for me to buy the whole season.
	Jesus.
	Well, this is on Hulu.
	Hulu.
	It's one of my favorite subjects, by the way.
	Me.
	That's not you.
	And I'm RGT.
	I love the budget these investigative units get.
	The MIPD must watch this and go, can we have a 4,000-square-foot crime lab?
	I have a huge crush on her, by the way.
	Not her.
	She's lying.
	Everything she said is the exact opposite of what happened.
	Something to do with Paul.
	You know what I think might be going on here?
	I think I'm one of the only interesting People in modern pop culture, besides like Milo and stuff.
	So I keep making my way into their stories, and they're so overwhelmed by my interestingness.
	There I am, that they have to exaggerate even further to sort of like, I don't know, nullify me and make me, I don't know, irrelevant or not serious.
	You're the joker.
	Yeah.
	I'm the joker.
	Yeah.
	Speaking of Emile, I did some digging around in the manosphere.
	The what?
	The what?
	The online community of blogs and websites that focus on men's issues.
	Remind me why we love the internet.
	Apparently, it's a burgeoning movement.
	You wouldn't believe how many people are.
	She's reading a script mocking me, and I'm in love with her.
	I thought human rights institutions were supposed to empower people to be able to do it.
	I could threaten to sue her and then meet her at the court trial and be like, can you believe this shit?
	You want to go get lunch?
	I think she's Hawaiian.
	What's that?
	Hawaii enjoyed it.
	These so-called feminists are nothing but a bunch of lesbianese man-haters, and the reason they're always screaming about their reproductive rights is to distract us from their real plot, which is getting rid of the male species.
	Oh, good lord.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	What a crazy, exaggerated thing.
	I mean, what?
	I've never had a thought.
	Anything remotely like that.
	That sucks when someone sucks when someone does a parody of you and you go, that's perfectly accurate.
	But you know what else someone sent me, speaking of my favorite subject?
	Chuck Polonik has a new book out starring Gavin McInnes.
	Spelled G-A-V-Y-N, but the last name is M-C-I-N-N-E-S.
	What?
	Yeah.
	And I'm some like Nazi asshole who's secretly gay.
	Oh, yeah.
	Gavin Baker McInnes.
	Yeah.
	What the hell?
	So I'm at my There's references to Lester Maddox, Lothrup, Stodar, Paula Dean, and Richard Spencer.
	Great.
	Thanks, Chuck.
	Weird.
	Gavin did not feel better.
	What happened next was less sex than it was a political act.
	Gavin was taking part in a game of chicken.
	He slowly rolled himself out of the beanbag chair and made his way across the carpet.
	Ashanti didn't stop him.
	I believe Ashanti is my psychiatrist in this.
	Oh, this might get his banned too.
	Not even when Gavin knelt between his legs and found the man already.
	Gavin undid the belt, the top button, and pulled down the zipper.
	Okay, I don't think I can say this on free YouTube.
	But basically, he gets an does an the next two paragraphs are an in-depth description of me fallating my psychiatrist.
	Who's a guy?
	Yes.
	With details about the taste of the hi-ha, that shoe-shoes.
	Sheesh.
	And you think, like, well, what's your motive there?
	Like, are you trying to, oh, I guess he thinks I'm a homophobe, so I'm going to see that and go, you son of a bitch?
	He hired a security guard.
	She's like, this is going to be big.
	Yeah, it's so petty.
	It's sort of like Sasha Baron Cohen, the dude from Oasis, fucked with Sasha Baron Cohen once at a party.
	And he said to Sasha Baron Cohen, Liam Gallagher said, who do you think is the greatest?
	I can't do a Northern English accent very well.
	Who do you think is the greatest pop star of all time?
	And Sasha Baron Cohen said, John Lennon.
	And Liam Gallagher goes, fucking me.
	I'll cut your fucking eye out.
	All right, he's drunk.
	He said something.
	Sasha Baron Cohen became obsessed with that because he's a fucking pussy.
	So he made a whole movie lampooning Liam Gallagher because of a rude comment at a bar one night.
	And it's actually a really good movie to watch with your kids.
	The Brothers Grimsby.
	The Brothers Grimsby.
	How are you meant to put this in your mouth?
	You don't put it in your mouth.
	Why is it going to hear my voice?
	I'm not in your mouth.
	I can hear you.
	No, you're not in my mouth yet.
	No.
	Let's see how it goes.
	Okay.
	You're the star of a new film, Grimsby, which is right here.
	there you are posted on that for anyone that's Is this new?
	No.
	It's old.
	It bombed.
	The Brothers Grimsby went to a posh family in London.
	I didn't know there's two of them.
	Keynes MI6.
	The other one just stayed in the Grimsby-Foster system and went on the dole.
	In case you're wondering, it's not a sequel.
	All right.
	Anyway, let's do the last letter, then we'll wrap it up.
	Jesus, I meant to make this a short episode.
	Ready?
	This is Murder Prediction from Patrick.
	Hey, fags.
	I don't like that term.
	It's mean.
	Have you heard of the Instagram account Another Beautiful Day Official?
	It's run by an enormous douche who has tattoos all over his body and face, many of which are large, lame, inspirational quotes.
	He thinks he's very deep and he's a joke in and of himself, but there's more.
	He and his girlfriend, who's maybe a seven, do you subtract points for dating a retard?
	Again, a term we do not, when we're on YouTube, think is okay.
	Travel all around the world and take pictures in exotic locations for Instagram.
	Do you need this?
	Yeah, there we go.
	They recently got a bunch of shit online for asking fans to help fund their trips.
	The dude revealed the fact that his mom has been working two jobs to fund their vacations.
	He said something about how getting a job himself was not an option because he had to continue going on adventures and inspiring people.
	Somebody said, get a damn job.
	Dude, look at all the comments.
	This is hilarious.
	Oh, he needs to inspire people to insult him.
	As if his stupid Instagram post were some kind of public service.
	They are about it somewhere.
	Ryan might want to look these up.
	The douche and his girlfriend are now riding a tandem bike down into Africa.
	I'm not sure what they think their final destination will be, but I have a feeling it will be a sandy grave in a shithole country.
	Wow, this guy's quality.
	I've been checking in on their Instagram story, and I recently started seeing a lot of burqas.
	They say people have tried to swindle and steal from them, but they act surprised and disappointed by it, not angry and stupid.
	I don't think they know the languages of the places they're traveling through, but they ask strangers for a place to sleep.
	In a recent story, they talked about how they just knocked on someone's front door in the middle of the fucking desert.
	Imagine being an angry Muslim in the desert and opening your door to some grinning duofus with foreign symbols all over his face and some blonde chick next to him and not knowing what they're saying.
	The woman and children at the house were welcoming, but the man wasn't pleased.
	No shit.
	He's saying no shit, by the way.
	They had to camp outside the house.
	And at one point, some dude just opened their tent and started ruffling through their shit.
	Turns out it was a cop.
	I can't believe this couple is making me sympathize with Muslims who murder two people.
	Right.
	Yeah, I'm on their team for some reason.
	I'm on their side.
	Allah Akbar.
	They were allowed to stay, but said they heard a lot of concerned male voices throughout the night.
	And somehow they woke up alive.
	Thought you might be interested following their Instagram story.
	Can be suspenseful.
	Yeah, they're dead.
	All right.
	So Alexis and ours.
	Is he British?
	I'm not sure.
	What culture is he?
	What are you?
	You guys are going to do great whatever Muslim war-torn country in.
	Well, Morocco is pretty secular.
	It's pretty safe.
	Our first time riding in the dark.
	Since we're in Morocco, normally we try to find a place before sunset, but the 10K guy just told us turned into 20.
	Morocco is perfectly safe, but it's near a lot of places that aren't.
	This is exactly what he was talking about.
	You know what I want to check out is the Canary Islands next to Morocco.
	Hmm.
	It looks mad dope, yo?
	So this is them outside the guy's house?
	Now they're in the tent.
	Then somehow Eli ended up getting a massage.
	What?
	Okay.
	So some dude's giving his chicken.
	We're watching someone die.
	We're watching a snuff film.
	Are snuff films allowed on YouTube?
	Sometimes.
	Alright, let's take some calls.
	Actually, let's take a couple calls and then we'll go behind the paywall.
	Alright.
	I could do something like that.
	Get that fucking riot off my desk.
	All right.
	We got Jim talking about religion.
	Talking about religion, Jim.
	So, guys.
	I just wanted, I don't think, I don't know about your views.
	I think it's about half and half of religious people.
	The other half aren't.
	But I was just kind of eager to hear your story of coming from an atheist being a famous, kind of a famous person coming from fame into the Catholic Church.
	I've always been kind of interested to hear that story.
	So, yeah.
	All right.
	Well, thank you for calling.
	I don't, that sounded like shit.
	I hope that's not all calls.
	But how I got into Catholicism was just really a random drop of the pen.
	I'm starting to think I may have made a mistake.
	Maybe it should have been the Church of England or Judaism or even the Amish.
	But I was an atheist my whole life.
	My daughter was born.
	I've told the story 100 times.
	I looked at her heel when she was sleeping one night, when she was a baby, and I just thought that everything works here.
	And I was so overwhelmed by the magnificence of it all.
	And I've heard this from a lot of atheists who have kids where they realize, wow, I'm looking up into the sky and that's infinite.
	That's unfathomable.
	And I just ignore that and take it for granted.
	Yet I sit here on Earth and I look at the infinite universe that created this planet and I try to shrug that off too as like, well, sharks have fins so they can swim around the water better.
	It's all Darwinianism.
	I definitely don't purport to that whole Ricards thing where every religious person thinks that everyone doesn't follow their exact guidelines is going to hell.
	So by those rights, I just chose like the nearest one.
	Sort of like the Mets.
	Like I got in a baseball and I went, the Mets.
	So I'm definitely a deist.
	I believe in God.
	I think that's inarguable, that this miracle that is the universe and earth was created by some omnipotent force.
	The way I convey that is through Catholicism.
	But it could be just as easily conveyed in the cargo cult or the Amish or Judaism or a million other religions.
	I think religion in general is just us grasping at straws, trying to convey the innate truth that there's something incredible out there.
	And these fucking atheists like Howard Stern go, no, I have spirituality.
	I just don't believe in your shit.
	No, it's all the same.
	All right, let's...
	But before we do, we're going to close up the freeness.
	Gotcha.
	Before we close up the freeness, we're going to encourage you once again to go to Johnny Appleseed.
	jacbd.com johnnyapplescbd use promo code gavin and check out and get 20 off plus free shipping when you use promo code gavin um you get 20 off visit jacbd.com and support free speech you will not get high it's like the hemp stuff without the the non-hempy stuff i mean without the thc you're just going to feel as great as i do every day the tincture delicious the topical ointment smells tremendous feels amazing the gummies
	taste so great and help me sleep you use it every day right i do the tincture it's right here well there's no use to use racial epithets while we're doing a commercial the sphincters no you said this chink here i said the tinctures i apologize i misheard you totally fine but it's also not an accurate jacbd.com you're not chinese no but i do play joke.
	Watch your cokes.
	Watch your cokes.
	Dude, that would be funny if you did piss in someone's Coke.
	I couldn't.
	As a joke.
	I peed in my bully's beer, but that's about it.
	Just because it had alliteration.
	I peed in my bully's beer.
	Let's end it with that.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Music.
	I got a funny story.
	So my favorite barmaid over on the Seaward, I won't describe it, but basically 52nd Street.
	So I would follow her shifts.
	She was my favorite bartender, is one of my favorite bartenders.
	And it's not sexual.
	I'm not attracted to her.
	I'm married and I don't flirt and I don't fuck her in the alleyway or any bullshit like that.
	I'm a married man and I can have a female bartender that I like, a barmaid.
	And so I would talk about my wife to her all the time and my marriage and my kids and, you know, normal friend stuff.
	She's a female friend.
	And then there was this other guy, John, who would come into the bar and I'd be like, you and John should get together.
	He's single.
	He's got just got divorced.
	You guys would be great together.
	And she's like, I don't know.
	And he was like, meh, because I would talk to him too.
	I was like, I'm kind of a matchmaker.
	And I would visit her every shift, you know, with no interest in her at all.
	And then today I went because she was working.
	I show up and I'm like, hey, how's it going?
	We have so much to catch up to, so much gossip.
	I'm kind of a fag.
	I love to gossip.
	And she goes, I have some gossip too.
	I go, what?
	Okay.
	I think mine's better than yours, but let's hear yours first.
	And she goes, I'm dating John.
	And I went, oh.
	All right.
	I am beyond angry.
	That is exactly what I wanted because there was no flirtatious anything going on in the back of my mind.
	So you two are great together.
	And that's something else.
	Again, fucking men.
	Even when we don't even know it, it's in the back of our heads.
	What if my wife dies in a plane crash?
	This could be plan B. War.
	What?
	That's what you were feeling.
	What you told you.
	Oh, I see.
	I thought that sucked, but it was actually pretty good.
	You're dating John?
	War.
	What was I supposed to do?
	Do it.
	You're dating John?
	War.
	Just smash all the fucking.
	Dude, you don't have the tubas after?
	I do, I do, I do.
	Well, delete the one without the tubas.
	I have the long version.
	War.
	That is pretty badass.
	Dude, I couldn't get a gig writing at Breitbart, and I had been recommended by a guy named Andrew Breitbart.
	Wow.
	I also raised $17,000 for his family after he died, and I didn't get a fucking thank you.
	I don't want a blowjob, but maybe just like a card.
	I get thank yous.
	We had a Christmas party where we spent a bunch of money.
	We had a band playing and stuff, and I got a bunch of thank you notes.
	That was thank you for like the three drinks they had and the little fucking apple crumpet and hearing a song.
	They learned the Bonnie, by the way.
	Oh, nice.
	That's awesome.
	Why weren't you there?
	You were saying you're stupid fucking useless...
	Yeah, something wrong with that.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	Lots of things wrong with that.
	I made so many tears happen.
	I wrote so many nice cards.
	Yeah, when you got back to your real family, the Puerto Ricans.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So why didn't you come to my Christmas Eve?
	Well, I was flying that whole day.
	So, I mean, that was spent in the air.
	Pathetic.
	You know, my dad, my dad stayed up till 4 a.m. with some of the ladies there.
	And my dad, my wife, and like two other chicks left the house at 2 a.m.
	I think I heard that.
	Went to the late night bar in our town.
	And then they were telling me this, they were all sober.
	Well, enough to recant these stories.
	And they go, oh, my God.
	So this is a beautiful woman, the Japanese friend of my wife's telling me this.
	And she's like, oh, my God, your dad told the most outrageous fucking joke to me and the other woman.
	I wanted to say their names.
	But he goes, you know, when I first married Lorraine, we had our honeymoon and we hadn't had sex yet, obviously.
	It was a long time ago.
	And she said, you've got a lovely wee wee.
	And I said, Lorraine, it's not a wee wee.
	It's a cock.
	Now, I know that's not funny on a vidcast, but imagine telling that story at a bar to a bunch of chicks, like at Christmas, at four in the morning at a bar.
	And you're a wizened old man who looks like a turtle with AIDS.
	Fucking he's so good at comedy.
	I mean, look at him.
	He's pimping.
	All right, let's take some calls.
	I want to leave soon, actually.
	All right.
	I've had Eric muted.
	Eric, it is your time to shine.
	Eric, let's do it.
	Let's do it.
	Hey, man.
	Hello.
	Hey, how's it going?
	Good.
	Hey, I want to give you some advice.
	You just stop taking advice.
	You're so fucking awesome.
	Frankly, it's spooky.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	This was great.
	Oh, yeah?
	Wait, you got something else to say?
	Yeah, no, I just wanted to ask you how you felt about asking your girlfriend's father for permission before proposing.
	Like, what are your thoughts on that?
	Oh, great question.
	Thanks for calling.
	I think it's a must.
	I think it's a very important part of the procedure.
	I don't fucking care if you're atheist or you think marriage is gay or you don't have parents at all.
	Like, the whole, the only thing I waver on with marriage is the getting down on your knee to propose.
	I don't think you should do that.
	I propose my wife standing up because I'm not her bitch.
	But I think it's very important to talk to the father and say, do I have your permission to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage?
	I got permission from my wife's dad.
	I'm sure he regrets it today.
	But I actually know of a dude who got permission from the dad.
	The dad goes, oh my God, she's going to be thrilled.
	This is so exciting.
	That's fantastic.
	He told the mom, and my friend was saying, don't tell her, because I want it to be a surprise, obviously.
	And the mom's like, okay, it's going to be so hard.
	She's going to be so happy.
	We're so thrilled.
	He proposed.
	She said no.
	This is footage of after that moment.
	No, he was cool to her after that.
	They continued their vacation, even though they slept in separate beds, as she cried herself to sleep every night.
	She cried herself to sleep because she had to say no.
	Well, I guess.
	She had to say no.
	Oh, God.
	Oh, fucking horrible.
	And then the parents didn't speak to her.
	Wow.
	Because you ruined our kids.
	But they were so pissed.
	You killed our grandkids.
	Well, you made such a dumb decision, you dumb slut.
	Holy shit.
	Because she said I'm too young, which means I need more dicks.
	How many dicks do you need?
	Dicks are all the same.
	And you know what's the light?
	I'm Japanese.
	Yes.
	Right?
	I'm Scottish.
	I bet our dicks are like drastically different.
	No, no, no.
	I don't think so.
	Mine is terrible.
	They're in the same.
	They're in the same.
	I've seen eight million dicks.
	I've been going to gyms my whole life.
	For that reason.
	Merrill, Meryl, Meryl, Meryl, Meryl, Merrill.
	I've talked to a lot of women about sex.
	I've never heard one woman in my life go, yeah.
	It's an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where she says she dated Larry David's manager, and he goes, no, she had a big vagina.
	But I've never heard a girl go, yeah, I just couldn't.
	Yeah.
	They don't talk like that.
	I've heard girls date guys with micropenises before.
	Really?
	Yep.
	Like actual micropenises.
	What do you do?
	Lick it?
	I didn't ask them actually what they did with it.
	Rub it?
	Put cream on it?
	Rub it?
	Probably just good at it, if you will.
	Beat it off.
	We got Taylor on the.
	It's me blowing a micropenis.
	Taylor, can you save us from this pantomime of small dick sucking, please?
	Actually, can you hear me?
	Yep.
	Okay, so I live in California, and my girlfriend's best friend runs a permanent hair removal business that her main clients are trannies.
	And the burrito dick segment made me want to ask you about this.
	So before these fucking trannies get their arms mutilated and their dicks turned into vaginas, so to speak, they have to have like hundreds of hours of permanent hair removal.
	And in California, insurance companies are required to pay for this shit.
	So this friend, my girlfriend, she fucking lives in Beverly Hills.
	She drives a Mercedes.
	She has one of those Hermes bags.
	And fucking all of this is coming through my tax dollars and maybe even your tax dollars to make burrito dicks and mutilated penises.
	So this is going to be for your fucking business.
	What hair is being removed?
	Because I've heard when they make the vagina, they're inverting the penis, hair grows on the inside, just like on the palms of my, I mean, on the backs of my hands.
	And then that hair gets shoved up into their cervix, and gaunting colleges have to remove these hair balls.
	Right.
	So basically, they have to have these hair hairs removed so that doesn't happen.
	So she's getting paid big fucking money to remove these hairs to prevent that from happening.
	From inside a neo vagina.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	So before they have their dicks cut off or so fucking ridiculous, but yeah, before they have their dicks cut off or their arms mutilated to make their crepe dick, they have to have the hair removed.
	And it takes months and it costs thousands of puzzles.
	And Medi-Cal, Medi-Cal, which is California's like for poor people, the tax that we pay for, fucking goes to this shit.
	And they have no co-pays.
	And it's all these tranny hookers from Hollywood and fucking, you know, these people.
	She was telling me they come in drugged out.
	And she's making a killing off this shit.
	So is she mad or does she like it?
	No, she loves it because she's making a bunch of money, but she thinks it's retarded at the same time.
	And she tells me these hilarious stories about these, you know, these 65-year-old men that have a horseshoe pattern male baldness that come in dressed like, you know, Homer Simpson when he got fat and put on a dress.
	And she has to, you know, call these people she, and some of them want to be called they and them and all this weird shit.
	Well, that is fucking incredible.
	Thanks for calling.
	And the good news is that these women end up totally normal, well-adjusted, and happy with their sex change and go on to lead fruitful lives as women.
	So they go from very depressed, closeted people with gender dysphoria, what's it called?
	Dysmorphia.
	And then they get a sex change after all that bullshit with the hair removal.
	And then the next thing you know is just like your mom.
	They're working in the garden.
	They're getting their beets up and they've got a little apron on.
	They bake Brussels sprouts and they have a big actually, they attend bake-offs where they compete with their apple pie recipe.
	They're not sharing it.
	No sir-e-bob.
	This is my apple recipe.
	So it's actually worth the mess we go through because there is such a utopia after they do it.
	Let's see if the Huffington Post can turn this into a Z-Gile.
	They just twist your arm around.
	It's easy one.
	They literally twist my arm.
	All right, let's do a couple more.
	Salmon Crowder conflict.
	What's this all about, Shannon?
	It's Shannon.
	Shannon again.
	Brother, I'm listening to the, well, I listened to most of the death of Cool, and dude, I cried about Pinky's mom.
	I remember exactly where I was pulling in the Canadian tire.
	I wasn't expecting it, and I had to fight it off, man.
	But I got to say, you sounded a lot of gayer just relatively short time ago, dude.
	Anyways, I'm loving your callers.
	I can't wait to get familiar with the regulars.
	But if you ever decide to do a roadshow, maybe you'll have a bunch of thugs that we'll be able to meet.
	There's similar interests and whatnot.
	Love the move to Thursday night, bro.
	But 9 p.m., actually, I like the time.
	It's way better.
	But you're overlapping with Crowder.
	And tonight, he kind of collided with Jocko.
	Don't make me choose, man.
	I'm a freeloader on Crowder, but maybe I should start paying him too.
	But you're getting my cash.
	And yeah, he finished around 9.22, but Jocko was on when you guys, it's tough to listen to two guys at once, man.
	You can hear Crowder's later, right?
	It's free.
	Yeah, Sunday, I think it gets posted.
	But Thursday night's my gig.
	I love Crowder on 8 o'clock Thursday night, but you're just overlapping just a little bit.
	But, you know, I wanted to ask you, are you free live anywhere?
	Because I always hear you talking about going behind the paywall, but you're not free on the website.
	They don't see you live on YouTube.
	No, I'm free on my YouTube channel.
	I put it up about a week after.
	But I'm not free live anywhere.
	No.
	No, I'm not.
	But thank you for calling very much.
	You should probably know that after writing that book, I've decided that Pinky was lying.
	I don't believe his mom was there.
	I don't believe his mom saw the towers fall.
	I can't believe I cried that day for him.
	I call bullshit on him.
	I know that he's a compulsive liar.
	And it's spelled weird.
	It's D-E-R-R-I-C-K.
	Actually, most blacks spell it that way.
	All right.
	One more call, then we got to go.
	I didn't know Pinky was that was his nickname.
	It's not really.
	Oh.
	We got Austin talking about Gavin Ryan Fight.
	Gavin Ryan Feight.
	Yeah, okay.
	So I for a while, but I started listening.
	And Ryan, I just want to say you're pissing me off because every fucking time Gavin gets pissed off at you for doing something wrong, you then try to come up with some dumbass fucking excuse about why you didn't do it right.
	So, I mean, I have a fucking dude under me, and I am a leck at a security company.
	You've got the same fucking shit.
	You're doing the same shit as a 20-year-old guy.
	Who's under you right now?
	Do you have a 20-year-old under you?
	Yeah, I'm 20 years old, and I'm not a security company.
	What?
	Do you have his consent to be on top?
	Fuck you.
	That is a good one, though.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Guys, I got to go.
	My favorite barmaid is still working, and I have to pretend that I don't care that I finally matched her up with someone.

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