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Jan. 27, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:24:36
GOML LIVE #31 | YOUTUBE BAN

We spend this entire episode petrified YouTube is going to ban us. We talked about sex and the horror of having a gay son. We even defended homophobia. There is no way we are going to last on this platform making Thursdays free.

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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Run with Kevin Kittles.
Oh, I forgot. - Bye bye.
When you wear tight clothes, you feel like Superman.
Is that something like a foreigner said to you?
No.
I'm going to do a new character for today's show.
It's called European Bobby.
And I do everything with a funny accent.
It's going to be really funny.
And then sometimes I'll just not do the character.
How do I find that video you're referencing?
Uh, I'm just making up stupid shit, but I'm kind of reminding myself of, uh, uh, who's the guy from Ghostbusters who vanished when his, when his wife died?
There was from SCTV.
Uh, there was the, the McKenzie brothers were Dave Thomas and who's the guy he, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?
Rick Moranis?
Rick Moranis.
Rick Moranis had a guy in SCTV who dressed like this.
What the fuck was his name?
I think he was like a psychic or something.
Look up Rick Moranis.
Yeah, there he is.
Jerry Todd.
Oh, that's exactly him, yeah.
I accidentally dressed like Jerry Todd today.
Is that his name?
Let's see him.
Bob McKenzie, Chuck Mulaney.
Jerry Todd, yeah.
The internet is like your own brain if you are a genius.
Like, I'm smart now.
I can remain anything I was going to say.
I'm so smart now, I can remain anything.
Show us a video clip of Jerry Todd.
Because it reminds me of a controversial subject I wanted to bring up that I was going to wait until after the paywall.
Oh, are we going to get stricken?
Yeah, I don't want to say anything that could be construed as hate because I know my days are numbered on YouTube and this goes on YouTube.
For this clip, will we get stricken?
Oh yeah, we might get strict.
Find him when he's dressed like this, though.
Maybe if you show it for three seconds.
I saw this thing on GQ today, and it was a Navy SEAL talking about... There we go.
Okay, just show him for a second, I guess.
Hopefully... That's okay.
I hope we didn't anger the YouTube gods.
We're on the thinnest ice imaginable.
We're like a fat chick feeding the geese.
Um... Okay, should I just talk about it?
What?
That taboo that we weren't going to talk about until after the paywall came up?
Oh... Maybe if you tease this enough that people subscribe to check it out.
I don't think I can resist, though.
Okay, I can't resist.
I'm physically incapable of resisting.
What if your son was gay?
Now, there's several types of gays, right?
I guess you're wondering why I have this on the... I've been reading this.
We've been talking about a trash culture, like Thousand Pound Sisters, and this fucking dumb show, and that dumb show.
So I've been trying to bring books back in the episode.
So I've been reading this, and I want to talk about it.
It's just a collection of his essays.
It's really good.
But that's why it's on the table.
But, uh...
Eugene Levy.
So, speaking of Jerry Todd, SCTV, I grew up with SCTV in Canada, and the quality was just fucking shockingly good.
Catherine O'Hara, who co-writes, I believe, Schitt's Creek with Eugene Levy, she wrote a sketch called Halfwits, which was Jeopardy, but The stupidest people in the world.
So there's questions like, uh, articles of clothes.
I'm sorry, articles of, yeah, articles of clothing found in the bedroom.
And like, uh, a parka, Alex?
And Eugene Levy's getting more and more frustrated.
Yeah.
John Candy's so good in this.
Oh, Joe Flaherty's awesome.
Uh, a job.
I have a job.
She has a spider tattooed to her face.
How long do we get?
I don't know.
That's why it's like it's ice.
And I wanted to play a song to begin the show and discuss the song.
This week we've had a theme which is soft acoustic numbers done by hardcore bands.
We've had Dagnasty, Husker Du.
Who was the first one?
I just closed the thing.
Let me see.
Zen Arcade!
No, that was... Damn it!
The first band was Zen Arcade!
So we had Husker Du, Dag Nasty, and Zen Arcade.
No, Zen Arcade was the Husker Du album, you putz.
Can you switch the viewfinder here?
Um...
But I'd love to play a song and talk about it as we do on The Real Show, but we can't do that because of the YouTubes.
I hope you're seeing how grey the world is when we let the censors dominate.
I hope you're seeing the lack of humour that's going on here.
You know what I found out speaking of... Wait, wait a minute, I'm on too many tangents, so let's go back a bit.
So, show a little more half-wits.
Maybe if you flip it?
I mean, does anyone own this at this point?
I don't even remember this part.
Martin Short, the way Martin Short looked like a complete imbecile with this character is, and I read this in his autobiography, he blackened the bottom half of his two front teeth to make his teeth look shorter.
Brilliant move.
Idiots have short teeth, for sure.
Idiots have short teeth.
Some short-toothed idiot walked into the club.
Anyway, that's Eugene Levy to me.
Right?
Alpha male.
Hilarious dude.
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
Anyway, that's Eugene Levy to me.
Right?
Alpha male.
Hilarious dude.
You know why SCTV was so funny in a high production, by the way?
Canada's full of grants.
It's communist.
And this improv troupe, I think it was Second City, obviously.
They get told they can have their own show over in Winnipeg, which is so fucking cold that when you meet people from Winnipeg, it's like seeing a Pearl Harbor vet.
You just go like...
You nodded them.
You were a survivor of the coldest fucking winters on earth.
And the worst summers in the springs.
The mosquitoes there.
Kids ride mosquitoes to school.
They hold on to their legs and they ride them to school.
And so a TV studio, which is funded by the government, And Winnipeg said, yeah, come on down.
You can do a show here.
So they have like sets and green screens and fucking soap opera sets and a subway train and prosthetics and makeup and everything they need.
It's kind of a once in a... I'm not even going to say lifetime.
It's a once in a culture's history moment where some fantastically equipped TV studio gives a random bunch of clowns a studio and they make an incredible show.
Anyway!
This is going to get us booted off YouTube, but I'm watching Eugene Levy.
I'm going to try to be as politically correct as I can with this.
But Eugene Levy and Dan Levy hosted the SAG Awards, and I gotta be honest, it came across a lot more like the FAG Awards.
I couldn't resist.
I have Tourette's.
I didn't mean that, YouTube.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for that joke.
But SAG rhymes with FAG.
Can you resist?
Hey, censors who are about to kill my channel.
Say you're at a bar and you're talking about the SAG Awards and Dan Levy.
You think you could avoid that rhyming slang?
That Cockney slang?
Anyway, go ahead.
...from actual hosts.
That's true.
Number one, we will not be reappearing throughout the show.
And two, we aren't being paid.
That's also true.
Although SAG actually offered me an internship credit and a free flu shot, so... Oh!
That's wonderful.
I can't move over his lap because he's gay.
Good!
Yeah.
Now tonight, actors celebrate the craft of acting and get to push their talent to the limit.
Is he doing a His Dad impression?
Why are there faces?
Did they do Coke right before this?
I don't know.
Doing Coke with your son?
Didn't you do Coke with your grandpa?
Uh, no.
That was another family member.
My grandfather would never touch coke.
Who was the family member you did coke with?
Ah, you know.
So these guys are gay, huh?
You're not- I'm an open book on my show.
You're not an open book?
No.
Why do you get to be a closed book?
Well, it's like, uh, you know, I can't speak for the chapter, but you know, I can tell you what I- I can't see you.
Why are you talking and I can't see you?
I could tell you the things that I was involved with, but I'd rather, you know, I got nothing bad to say.
Still can't see you.
The club, the family.
I got nothing bad to say about the family, you know what I mean?
But when I was in there, we had a great time.
And you know the impression I'm doing?
Yeah, you're doing a Matty O'Dell.
That's correct.
Who is our next free speech.
Nice pivot, rye guy.
That one pretty.
Look, if someone is remotely Puerto Rican, they do coke with their entire family.
But let's, so let's go back to that clip.
I didn't mean to talk about this.
and get to push their talent to the limit by playing good losers.
That's true.
So look out for those performances tonight because some of them might be recognized at next year's SAG Awards.
And speaking of compelling performances, Mr. Robert De Niro is receiving the life achievement award this evening.
Like, Chadwick Moore is our gay friend, right?
Yes.
And when he came out to his southern dad... Find Dan Levy and Eugene on some other show like Ellen or something.
Yeah, yeah, I got that.
When he came out to his dad in the South, his dad went...
And then he did what 99.9% of American dads would do, which is, you're bummed, not for years, you're bummed for a normal amount of time, like maybe a minute, and then you go, and then he said, well, I guess I'll tell you what I told your sister, which is, if anyone fucks you over, breaks your heart, I'll kick the shit out of them.
And then he said, Why are you gay?
But Chadwick doesn't act gay.
So all it is, is the act that in the privacy of their own homes, when you're not there, and you're like, I don't care.
I don't want to hear about you fucking your wife or your girlfriend.
What if, like, it's just as interesting to me that my, you know, son's wife, my son fucks his wife in the butt.
Like, I don't want to know about that, right?
So that's just your sex life.
But what about when your sexual preference subsumes your persona and you adopt the mannerisms?
Now, isn't it like... Who's this clown?
Don't cut ahead of me.
Isn't it like you have a son and he goes, Hi, Dad.
You should probably know something now.
You know, I'm an adult.
I am darkish.
And I have Turkish traditions and I love Turkey.
I also am a huge fan of Kazakhstan, but you have to understand Turkey is very secular.
We have a rich history.
And you're like, I don't really have a problem with Turks, but so now you're Turkish?
Don't you guys make shitty Star Wars and shitty E.T.
and stuff and eat food that's like a bunch of plates?
All right.
Well, I don't relate to that.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
This is like an accent.
This is the most delicate homophobia I can muster.
You know what it is?
Just that's different.
But just be honest with me.
I got in a lot of trouble for that transphobia article.
But I was like, let's just be honest.
Like your dad comes in.
One day your dad's your dad.
And then the next Thanksgiving, he has tits, and a blonde wig, and his name's Clarice, and he's dating... I don't know, do they... I always get confused with, like, their sexual preference.
And he's dating a man named Jerry.
So Jerry's, like, your new... dad?
And say he's had the full sex change, right?
No, let's do it correctly.
How does it work?
You gotta put one finger through.
How does it work?
When you make a- We used to do this in grade school.
I think you need two hands.
I do have two hands.
Uh, two pairs of hands.
Oh.
Like, you go vertical, I go horizontal.
Are you trying to seduce me?
No, no.
You put your- I put my hands like that, and then you put your hands like this.
Alright!
Yeah, let's try it.
- All right. - Do you wanna be the pussy or no?
- All right, I can see yours.
- Okay, let's bring it over to the camera.
- Oh, you're gonna have to switch, though. - You guys ready? - This is so immature. - That should be behind the paywall.
I lost my train of thought, but... Dad comes over... Oh yeah, see?
He's had the full sex change.
And then you're just like, Hi!
You can't call him Dad anymore, right?
Hi!
Jen?
And everyone's okay with that?
No, you'd be freaked the fuck out.
You'd cry your eyes out, actually, let's be honest.
Um...
Some other people do other things.
Let me say something in the gay defense.
If your daughter moved to China and started speaking Chinese, and you're only going to see her once a year, because the flight is so expensive, and she had Chinese kids and everything, and spoke Chinese and read Chinese newspapers, you'd be bummed, right?
No, I'm selling homophobia.
Hear me out.
So, I don't know.
I was watching Eugene.
I hate the way jackets crumple on the back like this weird turtle shell.
How do you stop that?
I guess you have good posture.
I'm watching Dan Levy.
Eugene Levy, Dan Levy, and his dad, and I'm just like, my son is not just a person who has a strange sexual proclivity, his entire personality is his sexuality, and it's different from mine, and he talks differently than me.
Is it also like a loss of culture?
Where if you're super Korean and then your kids sound American, you're like, well, here's the crazy thing about gays.
Chinese gays are like sounding such a loud, such a such.
Like, why?
Why are you gay?
Yeah.
I had a theory for a long time that Dan Levy is actually us.
Do you remember that cookie theory?
What do you mean?
Where I said, I said, like, because I was based on my dad, who, when I was a kid, would get shit-faced, and he'd pull up his blazer, and he'd be like, Oh, the true to grapevine.
How much longer will you be mine?
Honey, honey, yeah.
And he was, like, gay.
Like dancing around with his socks.
In the 70s, especially in Canada, people at parties danced in their socks.
So you got like black toes, like goofy toes from Disney.
Kind of feminine, because socks were stockings back then.
You know what else you'd see?
I remember as a kid being 10 and just going, I don't like this.
Drunk women, boomers, with tight jeans on.
And then brown nylon feet.
They'd wear brown nylons under their jeans.
So you'd see their weird like nylon webbed toes as they danced around to Steely Dan and fucking Dire Straits.
Smoked their pot that had seeds and twigs in it.
And then they would all fall asleep.
So I remember coming out when I was like, not gay, but coming outside of my bedroom at about, you know, midnight or 1 a.m.
And my living room looked like Auschwitz.
There was just like two or three dads talking and then just... 15, 20 people conked.
And the dads talking would have their wives asleep on their lap, just... And they'd be like...
I totally know what you mean.
The world is British, even though we're in Canada.
I totally know what you mean, Jimmy.
It's an absolute travesty.
Um, so anyway, sorry.
Back to my original point.
So, imagine you're Eugene Levy and this is your son.
Alongside you when Gilda left Second City Theatre and I got to be in the theatre with you.
This is Catherine O'Hara, the woman who wrote Halfwits, the funniest sketch of all time.
Oh, SCTV stands for Second City Theatre.
This is a crazy coincidence.
year.
Wow.
Thank you.
The Levees welcome co-star Annie Murphy.
Who the- Is she talking more?
This is related.
This is a crazy coincidence.
We just happened to be guest hosting the same week that our show, Schitt's Creek, is back for its sixth and final year.
I don't think anyone watches Schitt's Creek.
They're doing great for publicity right now.
And I think 90% of the people who hear about Schitt's Creek go, I'm probably going to check that out at some point.
I wouldn't be surprised if I become kind of a Schitt's Creeker or whatever they're called.
But I'm probably going to become very big.
I'm a shitscreaker!
Start weaker!
Oh shit, we forgot to read our sponsors.
Ah.
Yes, of course.
I didn't even ask what they are.
I'm a shitscreaker!
What song is that?
Heartbreaker by Pat Benatar.
Heartbreaker!
Hi, my son.
Cosmopolitan on the rocks?
Can I say that in 2019?
Yeah, you can.
It's unique.
That's a unique answer.
And, uh, what's your favorite scent?
Anything, like, woody.
Like a burnt wood.
Like a cedar or a pine.
Something woody.
Anything woody?
I bet.
I should have saved that from behind the paywall.
This is gonna be a... This is a hate screed.
You're now among the likes of... Kevin Hart.
Tracy Chapman.
Tracy Chapman.
He's got a fast car.
Everyone has a fast car.
What are you talking about?
Every car has the ability to speed up.
He's got a fast car.
What, can your car go up to 200 miles an hour?
Every single car in the world goes way faster than you would ever need.
Or ever want.
200 miles an hour is... petrifying.
It's like at the gym today they had, good times, bad times, you know I have my share.
But my woman left home for a brown eyed man and I still don't seem to care.
What?
Your chick dumped you?
Yeah, that's not the worst part.
What's the worst part?
He had brown eyes.
What the fuck are you talking about, Robert Plant?
Your girlfriend left you for a guy?
Okay, that sucks.
I feel really bad for you.
You probably weren't paying attention to her though.
You were probably neglecting her and she went to someone else as a fuck you to you.
But let's give you the benefit of the doubt and just say she's a cunt.
Okay?
Why are you telling me his eye color?
He had brown eyes?
If you told me that your girlfriend left you for a guy with brown eyes, I'd think you're a gay homosexual.
Lunatic.
And it reminded me of... Here's what's happened.
Here's what's happened with that song.
Robert Plant is probably ripping off some blues classic we've never heard of.
of.
Where he's like, and my baby left me for a blue-eyed man, but I don't care.
I got other shit fish to fry, motherfucker.
And that has oodles of context.
So I'm into that.
He's probably saying, like, I know we're supposed to feel bad when our, you know, post-slavery girlfriends hook up with a white guy, a blue-eyed man, but I'm happy here where I am, I don't need them, something like that, right?
I get that.
That's a statement.
I'm not saying it's good or bad or I give a shit about it, but it's a thing I understand.
So when Robert Plant ripped it off, he probably went, blue-eyed man feels queer.
Why would I know his eyes?
I'll just say brown-eyed man and then the people get that it's a black guy.
Which is a totally different thing.
Like a British person in the 70s going, you know, my girlfriend hooked up with a black guy.
I don't even care.
You go, okay, how brave of you?
I don't, it's kind of different from a 1935 bleeding melon gums saying my girlfriend hooked up with a plantation owner.
Explantation horn or whatever.
That's a slightly different story.
And it reminded me of, Brian and I were talking about this the other day, when you see movies, because I saw Get Out on TV the other day.
And it was all like, motherfucker was mother flipper, and fuck you was fudge you.
All the voices were the real voices, by the way.
Which means the actors sat there in a sound stage going, What are you mother flipping out of your mind?
The pineapple ones really?
Oh no, the best one is this is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.
Are we gonna get in shit for this too?
By the way, the GQ thing I mentioned earlier, a Navy SEAL went through like American Sniper and all these different military movies and the movies took up the whole screen and it was on YouTube.
Yeah, Jocko Willinks, was that the guy doing it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't- I don't know.
I gotta text our podcast guy and tell him what readings I'm supposed to do.
Hand me the keys, you fucking cucksucker.
Hand me the keys, you fairy godmother.
You fairy godmother.
Fairy godmother.
You fairy godmother.
Wait, why are you making it so fast?
Oh, I did that just in case we played a song.
But, hold on.
You that beauty scar tough guy eating pineapple?
Wait, why are you making it so fast?
Oh, I did that just in case we played a song.
But on.
You're that beauty scar tough guy eating pineapple.
Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.
Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falconer.
Mr. Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon.
That's exactly the same as my woman left home for a brown-eyed man and I still don't seem to care.
Go ahead, bitches.
Sleep with brown-eyed guys.
You think I give a fuck?
You see what happens, Larry?
You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the air?
You see what happens, Larry?
You see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?
That's a really good dub.
When you find a stranger in the Alps, you say, you assume they speak English because Scandinavian countries are great with English, and you say, are you okay?
Um, you take them to safety.
All right, let's talk about Johnny Apple CBD.
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I think we have a more modern one of these.
I've been talking all day.
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Don't you have the shirt?
I do.
The problem is we're too dapper to have the shirts on on the show.
But maybe you could just show the shirt to the camera.
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Wait, that's not a good one.
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Ooh, I feel like booze.
You feel like booze?
I must have some booze.
There is booze.
Hey, look.
No, there isn't.
You don't have booze.
There's strawberry flavored.
Oh, fun.
Cause I use the tinctures like literally every day.
I really do.
You see me do it.
Yeah.
You don't need to use literally there.
I, when you said every day, I went probably uses them every day.
Literally every day.
All right.
It's figuratively.
Uh, Johnny DSI, Johnny.
Okay.
That's the reads we have to do.
Um, this is a really fun book.
I've been trying to discipline myself to read more because I was kind of getting in a TV rut and staring at my fucking phone rut.
And when I fix my life, I want to help you fix your life.
So here's two things I've done that have helped me quite a bit.
One, don't charge your phone next to your bed.
Now you're falling asleep.
Ryan is very guilty of this, by the way.
I am.
Now you're falling asleep, looking at shit, letting it control your brain.
When you look at your phone before you go to sleep, you're not letting your thoughts control your dreams.
You're letting, oh my God, you're letting your phone control your dreams.
So you inevitably dream about the last few things you saw there and they're a bunch of bullshit.
You should be lying in your bed thinking about your own shit.
Your own stuff.
Your own ideas.
Then you fall asleep thinking about that.
Then when you wake up, you've just had a bunch of dreams.
Think about your dreams for a little while.
What was that about?
Why was I fucking Ryan's mom the whole time?
That might not have been a dream.
She's a big fan.
Oh, that's a dream like Martin Luther King.
I have a dream.
I have a dream.
That man will be judged!
And you're like, I have a dream too.
I want to fuck my friend's mom.
The whole crowd's just so uncomfortable.
No, this is at a party.
He's like, I have a dream.
I want people to live and love each other.
I want to get like a fucking I want to have like my own washer dryer in my own apartment.
So I don't have to go downstairs.
Am I being unfunny?
I got it.
I'm on mushrooms where I could just go on a bad trip at any moment.
Anyway, and the other thing when you wake up, Your dreams are relevant, right?
So you want to think about your dreams for a bit.
There's a butthole surfer song called 22 going on 23 where this woman calls into a show and they turn it into a song and she goes, I have these dreams and I try to turn out a winner, but I just can't do it.
And it's based on a true psychiatric thing where if you're in your dream and you're like getting beat up by people or something, and you're getting semi-coherent, um, Get back in it and beat them all up.
Like come out a winner.
That's what, how people get happy.
So a lot of manic depressive they discover are people who have dreams where they lose and they allow themselves to lose.
Anyway, when you have your phone there, you don't get part of this cleansing.
Like taking a shit in the morning happens in your brain too.
So go to bed without your phone, wake up without your phone.
And as far as reading goes, this is crazy, but try to read 10 pages a night.
Now, inevitably, what happens is you start on page 13, and you don't stop at 23.
You might go to 50, 60, 70.
But if you force yourself to have 10 pages, you will end up reading a lot.
It'll bring reading back into your life.
Now, Charles Kramer, this book, The Point of It All, it's just a collection of essays, and it's a great little, like, snack.
Like, we don't get too deep with this.
Mark Stein is deep.
Mark Levin is deep.
Those books change your life.
But it can be a little too intense sometimes.
And if you're just trying to get back into reading after a large break, get a collection of essays like this and just read 10 pages.
I promise you, you'll read more.
Oh, and here's another thing.
I learned this from a French guy.
who did a big campaign about 10 years ago about reading where he said, stop thinking you have to read everything perfectly from the first page to the last page and answer questions.
That's bullshit we got brainwashed with from school.
It's like a record.
Unless it's fiction and there's some dumb story, you can kind of leap around.
Like this is a perfect example of that.
It's a bunch of essays where I was reading a bunch of obituaries at the beginning and I was like, I don't like obituaries.
Stop kissing these people's ass.
And then I jumped over to what's great about Australia.
So you can just sort of indulge yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah, says Ryan who hasn't read more than a fucking fortune cookie in two months.
No, I read the Bible the other night.
Job.
No, and you really helped me learn that because I will always zone out and then be like, I have to reread it.
And now you're just you're punishing.
Why am I punishing?
Yeah, don't punish yourself.
If you zoned out for three pages, those pages sucked.
Fuck those pages.
That's a that's very come back in again.
It's like music.
If you're listening to music and you go winded, holy shit, I missed a part of those lyrics.
Yeah, fuck it.
It's all healthy for you.
You're eating healthy food.
I'm so fucking pugilistically dimensioned that I got his message about what we read today.
Um... Oh yeah, there was an email.
And I have to write it down.
I now pronounce you man... and with a... I pronounce it weird.
Uh... Oh, I discovered a new thing at the gym today.
You can kind of tell what the coach is doing with certain fighters, like with their regimen after they warm up, and they'll do like four stairs for heavy bag or whatever, right?
So you hit the heavy bag for one round, and then for one round you run up and down the stairs.
So uh you can predict after three rounds of stairs they're gonna have to do another one and then it'll probably be just like the double-ended bag push-ups and and crunches.
So I've been going up to fighters who are professionals and just being like Okay, I think that's one more round of stairs, and then we're good to go.
Just abs, push-ups, double in the bag.
Actually, let's do stairs, double in bag, and then push-ups and abs, and you're good to go, my friend.
Give him an ass slap.
Go ahead.
Yeah, I love talking to people I'm not supposed to be the way I'm, like, you know.
Like, hey boss, you know, go deuce.
It's uncomfortable, but can I try it?
Okay, it better get funny at some point.
I'm gonna need that on my desk on Monday.
Ain't nobody got time for that!
Is that good?
Speaking of ruining the show, um, there's a lot of controversy with my fight with Ryan last week.
A lot of people said I was out of line.
Um, Ryan here has a case to present that it was his headphones I was hearing.
Yes.
Why don't you present your case right now?
Well, let's see if I can pull it off.
Well, why is my case gay?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Your headphones have to stay in your head, my friend.
Oh, okay.
So, one is on your sideburn and one is not.
Yeah, this one I usually have it like that, yeah.
Oh wait, how do I play the song with that?
You can't look at me while I do this.
I won't look.
Wait, I can't look at you or the people at home can't look at you?
See how it's echoing that?
I have to meet you guys I don't think you're fucking up your defense.
Yeah What are you, Donald Trump?
I can't do this experiment because we echo back.
I could do it.
No, I can't do it.
I can't do it because I mute our channels when I'm putting them up.
Okay, so in other words, I was still right as of now.
No, but before the show.
You did not present sufficient evidence.
However, our other fight was with that Elmo guy.
Yes, another win for me.
The Elbow Mumble Rapper, where I claimed he was serious, and he thought he was inventing a cool kind of rap, and you said it's a joke.
Yes, his name is... Darkus?
Darkus.
Now you claim you have a stultifying piece of evidence that is going to prove to me that he's kidding and I'm an idiot for insisting that he was not kidding.
Yes.
Now, we'll see.
I gotta find this guy.
It was a couple days ago, 245AR.
Why wouldn't you look up Elmo Rapper?
And by the way, printer, why are you printing out a blank page?
Get your shit together.
Okay, so I got his, uh, this is the guy, right?
Um, have it all started.
Remember the, should I catch him up on the original thing?
Yeah, catch him up on the original thing.
Okay.
Is this gonna get us banned?
I don't know if he's litigious.
If it's on YouTube, can't we show it?
Darko.
He's got... I think that's, uh... What's his name?
From Wu-Tang Clan.
Cuban Lynx.
Really?
Raekwon.
with an Ewok.
He might be litigious, so...
That looks pretty serious to me.
My argument within the video is that he shows Elmo a lot, and then he also shows... He has... Goku.
He has a, uh, his logo is the Sesame Street logo.
Yes.
But that could still all be serious.
This is my... Okay, let's see your case.
...tipping point.
Evidence.
Wait for it.
So, what I think is that he knows it's ridiculous, but he's leaning into it.
I think he got me.
Yes!
Because I didn't think you were convinced before.
I think he got me.
Yes!
I was wrong.
That guy is kidding.
Yes.
He gets the joke and he's not seriously trying to be a really successful high-pitched Elmo rapper.
Correct.
He's actually seems like a really funny guy.
Yes.
And someone you'd want to hang out with.
It's a bunch of like kiddy stuff and like intentionally goofy.
Almost like odd future-ish.
Yeah.
That's what I should have said instead of bumble rap guy.
Um, you know what I want to do?
I want to take some calls before the paywall, but I also want to answer some letters.
We had a rough letters day yesterday where everything was about Nick Fuentes and tips on the show.
Like, you should probably get Chuck Zito.
Yeah, I'd fucking strangle my mother to death to get Chuck Zito.
Thanks for the suggestion.
We're not looking for suggestions.
I don't like the way it's Ryan's back when you show that.
I don't give a fuck what you like or don't like.
Do you not like it when you watch Home Improvement and the neighbor's face is skewed by a fence?
This is our stylistic choices.
So fuck you if you don't like them.
And also, fuck you if you don't go to BetDSI.com slash Gavin right now.
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And they're holding that... They're holding you hostage, basically.
Well, it took me like three hours to figure out how to get Bitcoin.
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What's that sound?
Supposed to be a stadium crowd cheering effect.
What do you think of this little trinket?
Yeah, what is that?
My wife went, we had some guests in town last week and my wife went shopping and she bought this, I guess, Indian bug.
She loves buying Indian shit.
Indian bug.
It's kind of cool how it reflects, right?
Yeah, what is it, a plastic thing?
That looks cool.
This is also an Indian bug.
Oh, before we get to the mail, I was reading this Harvey Weinstein thing that was on the cover of the Post today, right?
I had assumed this was a given, but if you get raped, call the cops.
I remember I was reading in Maximum Rock and Roll this columnist Michael Borde.
This must have been like 1989.
And he said, and this will probably get back to him because we travel in the same circles, but he said in a column, Rape is just assault, but sexual.
You've been raped in your genitals.
So the only reason that we treat it differently is because of the sexual stigma that we have.
We live in a prudish society.
And so we go, oh my God, there's been a rape.
She lost her chastity.
She's no longer a valuable woman.
If we didn't have all that bullshit, virgin prudism, then we wouldn't have that same kind of hysteria around rape.
And we just treat it as an assault.
And I read that as a 19 year old and I was like, that's fucking basically true.
So I went over to my dad, as a 19-year-old does.
Every time a 19-year-old has a thought that's slightly outside the box, they go to their dad and they're like, I know you think I'm stupid, and I haven't contributed anything to society yet, and you're smarter than me, but what about this idea?
And then you blow their mind with something like, smoking is actually good for you.
So I blew my dad's mind with that one.
I go, so rape is basically assault, and the stigma around sexuality is what makes it so fucked up.
Ready for him to go, holy fuck, son.
You've done some research, pal.
You've read an 800-word article in a punk zine.
Wow.
So what he actually said was, oh, really?
All right, do us a favor then, son.
Go out and get the shit kicked out of you.
And then go out and get raped.
And tell me which one is worse.
That's pretty good.
Alrighty, I guess you won that round.
Back to the drawing board, because you can beat me up for a Fortnite.
You can play Fortnite for real on my face, and it doesn't hold a candle to a stranger's penis in your butt.
Anyway, I'm reading these, so they have accuser number one, accuser number two, accuser number three.
He's got like hundreds.
And I don't want to sit here and defend Harvey Weinstein, because I don't know all the cases.
But let's just do this on a case-to-case basis.
Forget Harvey Weinstein and speak, you know, almost hypothetically about the law.
So, accuser number one, Annabella Sciorra.
Sciorra, who was raised in Brooklyn, met Harvey Weinstein in the early 90s at an L.A.
restaurant, L.A.
industry event.
He drove her home and gave her his card.
Sometime later, she sent Weinstein a script her friend wrote.
He said, uh, I love it.
We'll do it if you're in it.
Okay.
There's Larry David's manager.
Uh, he sent a care package containing movie tapes, a bunch of presents, a bottle of Valium.
Whoa.
It's very Cosby-esque.
She became part of the Miramax Circle, attending events and dinners.
In the winter of 93-94, she was at a dinner with Weinstein and Irish Restaurant, and he offered to drive her back to her apartment in Gramercy Park.
Everything's fine so far.
She went upstairs and changed into her nightgown when Weinstein suddenly started knocking on her door, she claims.
He allegedly grabbed her, pushed her onto the bed, and raped her.
Then, allegedly, forcibly performed oral sex on her.
God, someone loves the smell of their own dick.
Spooky!
In 1997, she appeared in the mirror.
Okay, so that's what happened that night.
This is textbook definition rape.
I mean, you said it and raped her.
Gotcha.
Loud and clear, Sir Earl.
Call the fucking cops.
We have a rape on our hands.
I had a fight with my wife about this.
I go, shouldn't there be some culpability with these women?
If you get raped by someone, um, and you don't call the cops, you're facilitating further rapes.
You don't know how hard it is.
I don't know.
There's 620,000 deaths in the Civil War.
We've been through some rough shit.
Go through some rough shit.
Some fucking thugs come up to me in an alleyway and go, and sewing machines stab me with a knife.
It's not gonna be hard to go to the police.
I'm gonna go to the police.
Yeah, but she's been violated and she was friends with him.
Yeah, it sucks.
I'm sorry, it sucks.
You're preventing rape.
Be a hero.
Anyway, the end of this, it says, in 1997, she appeared in the Miramax movie Copland, but prosecutors said she didn't realize it was a Weinstein project.
She finally came forward in 2017.
This happened in 1994.
this happened in 1994 oh yeah okay this by the way is the best one of the three Accuser number two.
This one's a doozy.
She's blacked out.
Man was raised on a small dairy farm in Washington State and left home when she was just 16 after enduring a difficult childhood.
At 25 she moved to- I don't give a fuck.
Like why is this in a court?
Also, if you're a judge, For the real rapes, you go, this is what I signed up for, this is why I have a robe.
If someone has a bullshit rape, you go, get the fuck out of here.
You're wasting our court's time.
I'm here for real shit, and you're trivializing.
It's like when you call someone a Nazi, you're trivializing the Holocaust.
When you say a bad day at the opera is rape, you're trivializing rape.
At 25, she moved to L.A.
with dreams of being an actress.
She'd already had a few small parts in commercials and independent films when she met Weinstein at a party.
Okay, that's nice.
She gave him her number and the two started a five-year relationship that ended in 2017.
Hmm.
She's 25 and she's with Harvey Weinstein.
Bitch, are you for real?
Good timing.
Thanks.
Um, she alleges that he raped her on March 18th, 2013 at a Doubletree Hotel in Midtown.
One of the lower quality hotels available in Midtown.
The next day, she attended the premiere of the movie August, Osage Country, as Weinstein's guest.
How dare you!
How dare you!
I am beyond angry!
There you go, comedy comes in threes.
Isn't that, I mean, am I nuts?
Ryan, you have no cognitive abilities.
You're like a shrimp who became a human three days ago.
What do you think?
Jackhammers are allowed.
You don't go to a movie premiere with the guy who raped you the next day.
Maybe it's like to study his behavior.
What if the guy beat the shit out of you?
And you show up at the movie premiere going, hey, this guy has a temper on him, boy.
Holy shit.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Wow.
I was like, no, I didn't.
I didn't spill your beer.
It was the guy behind me.
But he's like, I'm not having it anyway.
We're cool now.
And even if you did do that, and you were like, we're cool now, you can't charge him with assault.
This is not a good episode to not get kicked off of YouTube, by the way.
This is a little controversial.
First we defended homophobia, and now we're defending Harvey Weinstein.
I'm going to defend liberals soon, if that helps.
Oh, there's your dad.
That's not a good... I don't think we can use that sample, dude.
Nothing wrong with that.
What if I overdub it?
I was just gonna say that, yeah.
But when you overdub it, instead of, nothing wrong with that, say, nothing chickens, mother flipper.
Nothing baseball hat.
This is what you get when you fuck a chick in the Alps!
So beautiful.
Accuser number three, Mimi Haley.
They're all the same type, too.
Incredibly hot brunette eights.
Middle one's dark.
She's really dark.
I like black chicks.
This is Alex Way.
What's her name?
That model that they love in Vogue.
Oh, is it a black model?
Yeah, Ryan, that's my joke.
Okay, I got you.
What booze do you have here?
Peanut, he literally has peanut whiskey.
Why don't you bring out your peanut whiskey?
Yeah, a fan, a really cool guy keeps giving us this.
Keeps giving us this?
You know, if you come to my house and you see my liquor cabinet, it's all the shit that I haven't devoured.
So it's like going to a coke head's house and saying, what drugs do you have?
Uh, we have, uh, Asconadua.
I'm not drinking anything.
No!
Look at this.
Screwball!
Peanut butter whiskey.
This is exactly the same as having no whiskey.
I don't want this.
So my liquor cabinet is all like this.
It's like screwball whiskey, apple brandy, fucking peach scotch.
Even rye.
It has no fun to it.
Like, bourbon has some... John and Alex gave this to us.
Okay, well, way to just ruin their fucking plug.
I've never sipped it.
I've smelled it and spent the next three days barfing.
Alright, Mimi Halei.
Halei met Weinstein in 2004 at London Film Festival.
They reconnected again in May 2006 when she ran into him at a Cannes Film Festival and asked him for a job.
He invited her to meet him at his hotel the following day and set her up as a production assistant on the set of Project Runway.
That is a fucking low favour.
A production assistant on Project Runway?
What is that?
That's the McDonald's of Weinstein favours.
It's probably 20 bucks an hour.
And it's probably 12, 13 hour days.
The Project Runway does not have a budget.
They shoot the whole thing in like four days.
Anyway, he later invited her to join him on a private jet to attend Fashion Week in Paris and stay at the Ritz, but she declined.
Okay, so he's courting her.
On July 10th, 2006, Weinstein invited her to his Soho apartment where she alleges that he pushed her into a bedroom and forced oral sex on her.
Rape.
We got it.
Call the cops.
Immediately.
Days later, here's what pisses me off.
Days later, and if you've been raped, real life rape, this should piss you off, too.
Days later, she accepted a free plane ticket from Weinstein to visit a friend in L.A.
Well, you just, that's, now you're a high, uh, very expensive prostitute.
We can rape you for, uh, I guess 3,000 bucks?
That's what that says.
No?
How is that different from prostitution?
It's like the Michael Jackson thing where the parents would accept a 20 million dollar payout if he, uh, after he fucked their kid.
They're just very expensive pimps.
Allegedly.
You're on Michael Jackson's side?
I just don't want his guys coming after us.
Who?
It's the state.
It's the state.
They get litigious.
And being good at it, if you will.
Do they get litigious?
Yeah.
They must be very busy.
The Michael Jackson... You're just pulling this out of your ass.
The Michael Jackson estate is very litigious about pedophilia accusations.
Jesus Christ, that poor lawyer must have... must have... what's that called?
Carpal tunnel syndrome.
Please stop calling him a pedophile.
Please stop calling him a pedophile.
I don't know whether he did it or not.
So wait a minute, you said they were litigious, now you're saying you don't know if he did it or not.
I don't, well, I don't know.
Well, you haven't looked into it.
He did it.
Well, I did.
I saw that documentary, I saw some other things, I just don't know.
And then Ricky Rebel went on Milo Show and he was like, he never did anything bad.
Yeah, just because he didn't fuck every single kid who's ever met him doesn't mean he's not a pedophile.
It means he's an underachiever.
Well, you know, Ricky was a good looking kid.
On July 10, 2006, blah blah blah.
Okay, so she accepted a free plane ticket from Weinstein to visit a friend in LA.
When she returned, she met up with Weinstein, this time inside his Tribeca hotel room, where the producer bullied her to have sex with him.
What the fuck does that mean?
Bullied her to have sex with him.
And, uh, you said he raped you, and then you accepted a plane ticket, and then you went to his Tribeca hotel room?
She continued to communicate with him until 2017.
This is, uh, I know there's no perfect victims, but I think we're dealing with some of the most imperfect victims in the history of imperfect victims.
Alright.
Michael Jackson's nephew sued tabloid for defamation over sexual abuse claims.
Okay.
Um, I wanted to take a time out before we get into the letters to talk about the right being a little too sensitive.
I am not a fan of Yashar Ali.
I personally believe, if we're talking about people being litigious, that he's one of these fat immigrants who comes here and just bitches.
He's from Iran.
He's a fat homosexual.
He comes here and he bitches about homophobia in Iran.
He bitches about homophobia in America and how horrible both countries are, even though we rescued him from a fucking Muslim shithole.
And brought him here, and I would just, I think a more reasonable stance would just be limitless thank yous.
But, I think a lot of immigrants come here, and they see us all shitting on our own country, so they want to assimilate, so they go, oh yeah yeah, fuck America.
Like this?
Like this?
Fuck America?
Okay, yeah yeah.
So he's one of those.
Anyway.
Um, there's, what's her name, the new InfoWars chick who, uh, became famous at her prom when she posed with a gun, which I think is awesome.
Caitlin Bennett.
Caitlin Bennett.
Wonderful gal.
Does great interviews.
Really cool chick.
Um, someone impersonated her.
This guy who, who continually impersonates all kinds of people.
In fact, I think on Martin Luther King Day, he posed as the FBI.
And when I say pose, I mean, he maintains his, his, uh, His alias, like his name, Jaboukie, or whatever it is, and then he'll have, he'll change his name to FBI that day, and then have an FBI logo.
And he says something about Martin Luther King, like, we love and respect him, except when we're killing him.
Anyway, he, he trolled Caitlyn Bennett one day, where, um, now I sent this to you separately, because it was hard to find, where, uh, he used her picture, and her name, and said, uh, Uh, I shit myself?
Something like that?
I lost control of my bowels?
Yeah, so let's show it.
Hillary lost the election, I lost control of my bowels, but at least I have an AR-15.
I'm guessing what the cutoff part is.
It's really hard to find these tweets.
Um, you know what?
Yeah, I shit myself.
This is America.
Last time I checked, it wasn't illegal to boo-boo yourself.
If even Obama couldn't erase my right, a little Zuzu can either.
I'm a blue-eyed, blonde-haired, gun-toting, Trump-voting American, even if I had a poo accident.
Um, so... She didn't say that.
Yashar Ali was one of the many.
He's an MSNBC contributor guy.
And he thought it was awesome.
He said, God bless Chibuki.
So then our guys, my friends, our allies, started freaking out about it and saying it was revenge porn or violated revenge porn laws.
And go down on this.
Go down on this pussy.
Go up again.
Go up again.
Huffington Post contributor Yashir Ali deleted a tweet, blah blah blah.
Go down more.
His shared image of Bennett is described as revenge porn.
Ali, who I love, Ali is not Yashir Ali, that's our guy.
Yashir Ali is spreading literal political disinformation, targeted harassment, and identity theft.
Additionally, this violates Twitter terms of service, social violation, blah blah blah.
Now I want to be clear here, Ali I consider a close friend.
Awesome dude.
If you scroll down you'll see Cernovich, Cassandra Fairbanks, all bitching about this guy, Jack Posobiec.
Cernovich, these people I've had a million beers with and I love having beers with them.
Cassandra too?
Cassandra, my Christmas card to her just bounced back.
I guess I got her address wrong.
But I don't want to become like the left.
I don't want to become a comedy censor.
When you read that stuff about her shitting herself, it's not porn, it's not revenge porn, it's clearly a joke.
When Trump says, I grab a woman by the pussy, it's clearly a joke.
I don't like Yashir Ali.
I don't like Jaboukie.
The joke, Caitlyn Ben is someone I revere, so I don't like jokes about her shitting.
But I don't want them quelled.
I don't want them stopped.
I don't want them censored.
Here's another example of us, our side, being pussies.
Um, and I'm not calling Jack or Cassandra a pussy.
I'm gonna drink this rye.
This is like, um... No problem, Gav.
This is like... Thank God.
I was like, yeah, it was a bomb.
That was good.
This is like, um, like Maker's Mark or even bullet, uh, bourbon.
Without any of the fun.
It's like fucking, I assume if you're a woman, it's like fucking an ugly dude with a big dick.
Like, it gets the job done.
But you're just like, meh.
I got a glass, you want a glass?
No, it's not about the glass.
This is just... It's just, like, bare bones.
Why did you buy this, by the way?
Uh, I don't know.
I brought it home from something.
It was, like, some leftover.
I was just like... Why'd you bring it into the studio?
Well, yeah, I just... I just... It was around the corner.
I do most of my partying in the city.
I don't have a need for it, you know, anywhere else.
It's been there for a while, but alcohol don't go bad.
And you've taken some zips of it before.
Frankly!
Alright, I'm not... I'm never having a zip again.
Do you know Italians call each other zips?
In a negative way?
I've never heard that.
Fuckin' zips everywhere.
So I walk into this fuckin' bar in South Brooklyn.
Of course it's all fuckin' zips.
It's like Italians saying the n-word, I guess.
Also, sig-siggies or jeeps.
Never heard that before.
Probably cause I'm not Italian.
Fuckin' zips.
Friggin jeeps.
It's like when you talk about your own people in a negative way, which whites are very good at.
Anyway, this Biden gaffe I want to talk about briefly before we get into letters.
I thought we would make this a short show, but it's becoming a long show.
Maybe we'll make the calling part short.
So yeah, some annoying dude at CBS is like, hey, hey, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?
In a really irritating way, right?
I hate Joe Biden, just to be clear.
I hate his guts.
Why wasn't his apology enough, Mr. Vice President?
He apologized for saying that I was corrupt.
Why attack Sanders?
Why, why, why, why, why?
You're getting nervous, man.
Calm down.
It's okay.
He apologized for saying that I was corrupt.
He didn't say anything about whether or not I was telling the truth about Social Security.
Thank you, guys.
Like, why is the right freaking out about that?
That's actually one of the more likable things he's ever done.
There's a million gaffes.
The fucking, I know a lot about roaches and kids jumping on my lap.
That was, and then smelling people's hair.
That was embarrassing.
The 11 year old one, this is the one that you didn't know about, but he, like he, there was like a talk and then he was like, how old are you, honey?
11?
Talk to me after the show.
In what world?
That's pretty bad.
Is that okay to say?
That's pretty bad.
What context could make that?
Wanting to fuck 11-year-olds is a gap, I guess.
On his behalf, I tried to... It's also a felony.
I tried to think of some kind of way to... If that was me and I said that, what did I mean?
What else could I have meant?
I meant like, come backstage, talk to me, let me get all your numbers and everything.
So then in six years, when you turn 18, I can find you and say, are you single?
I'm of course 78 now.
But yeah, some guys are like, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?
And you go, why, why, why, why, why?
Like I'm not, I have a new rule.
I used to play dirty pool.
I have a new rule.
I'm not taking low hanging fruit anymore.
So if, if their side may, before we do the last, uh, before we bid adieu to the free part on YouTube, um, I want to read some letters and maybe even take some calls.
What do you think of that?
I like it.
I like it.
Oh, is that an impersonation of me?
Yeah.
This is like earlier in the point clear, I left my desk and walked away.
And as I was walking past Ryan, he's totally confused.
And he goes, you have to go poo.
That's true.
I did say that.
But you were nowhere near the bathroom.
Imagine you saw someone walking in a direction and you just went, you have to go poo.
Yep.
I did that.
Wow.
I'm ashamed I did that.
Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Oh, shit.
I got a whole bunch of new ones.
That's what shops.
Jesus, we get like 100 a day.
Yeah, we get a lot.
Okay, so I think I decided I only want to read the blue flags.
I started flagging them.
So this is not gonna be easy for you.
This is from January way back on January 21st.
Michael Hanlon.
What if I tell you the subject?
Will that be easier to follow?
Yeah.
The subject is position for pregnancy.
Gotcha.
G-Dog, I heard a caller a few months ago mention that you, at one time, explained a sexual position that was great for pregnancy.
However, he nor you elaborate on the details.
At the time of my call, my wife and I have been trying unsuccessfully for our second baby for almost 18 months now.
If you could explain the details of this magic position, it would be awesome.
Thanks, fellas.
Alright, this also might get us banned from YouTube.
Or get the table broken.
It's putrid.
And I don't think these pants go well with this blazer, but what I was actually talking about was, um, I said if you want to make a girl, first of all, if you want to have a baby, quit porn, stop beating off.
That's it.
Forget the schedule with the ovulating and all that stuff.
That's total BS.
Just quit porn and don't beat off and your wife will get pregnant.
The end.
If you're in the mood and she just... So no porn, no beating off.
Now, if you want to make a girl...
Just do whatever you want.
You can beat off on some junk mail that arrived at her house and you'll make a girl.
Boys, I don't know why, but the sperm is lazy.
Oh, here's me acting it out.
I didn't know I've done that.
So with boy sperm, you basically have to drop it off at the front door.
And the way you drop it off at the front door is standing doggy.
So you're not just doing doggy, right?
You're standing doggy.
Well, why don't we watch it?
And then when you're done, you go super deep, super deep, right?
You stand.
You don't do doggy on your knees.
You do standing doggy and you plunge down like you're unclogging a toilet.
And then when you're done, when you're done, you collapse on her.
Like a folding lawn chair.
And then you hold it there for like a minute.
Because male sperm, for whatever reason, is lazy.
And you gotta drop it off right at the front door.
You can tell how many times I repeat everything I say.
That was a carbon copy.
Well, that's how you know it's true, too.
Yeah.
I'm just making this up.
You know what's weird?
If they ever try that move, they're both going to be thinking of me.
That is very strange.
So I kind of ruined it.
And for the rest of their life, they're going to be looking at Boyd.
That's a fun game to do to a dude.
You go up to your friend, you go, by the way, next time you beat off, think about me.
It's really hard not to.
See my face floating over the bed.
See me.
Don't forget this moment.
Think about me.
It is a disaster.
It's a plunging downward standing doggie, and then you collapse on her like a folding lawn chair, and then you stay there.
1-1000-2-1000-3-1000.
Fuckin', you got time.
20 seconds.
Just stay there.
On top of her.
And that's how you make boys.
That's true.
If you wanna make... If you wanna make babies... Uh... Then you, uh...
Uh, just quit porn.
Wait, I'm forgetting my own code here.
What did red flags mean?
Never read.
Really?
I don't know.
Well, I would just delete it if I don't want to ever read it.
Oh, now we're frozen.
Let me see if I got some over here.
Oh, there we go.
Um, no, red should mean we've already read it.
Yeah.
Okay, let me do another blue.
And then I'll make this red.
Sorry folks, you have to listen to me doing my homework.
Wait, that's red now.
I've read it.
And it works, because red sounds like red.
Gavin and Proud Boy's Straw Man on Bones.
Hey guys, check out this episode of Bones, Season 11, Episode 12, The Murder of a Meninist.
There is a men's group called Men Now, and the leader is killed.
Then, the new leader was saying stuff like, if you dress like a whore, then you deserve to be raped.
Yeah, because that's the way men talk in 2020.
That must go back to like fucking 1940 maybe?
Can you even imagine a guy going, well she was raped, but what kind of pants was she wearing?
Were they short shorts?
And yeah, she was raped while wearing short shorts.
The fuck?
I can't watch it.
Think about when we watch, you know, pop videos with Lady Gaga.
They're all fucking naked with meat on their tits.
The idea of someone going, well, what was she thinking?
Not wearing a long dress.
Anyway, but they go to a women for change rally and apparently there's been some heated Twitter exchanges with the head feminist and apparently it was the men's group who were stalking her to restaurants.
Do you think this relates to the Proud Boys or is this another famous men's group?
Thanks, Patrick.
My wife watches.
Oh, he's defending himself because he says, wait, how'd you find this?
I looked it up on YouTube and they wanted a hundred bucks for me to buy the whole season.
Jesus.
This is on Hulu.
Hulu?
Sounds like a good start.
It's one of my favorite subjects, by the way, me.
That's not you.
I love the budget these, uh, these investigative units get.
The MIPD must watch this and go, uh, can we have a 4,000 square foot crime lab?
I have a huge crush on her, by the way.
- It forced me to help him get rid of the body.
- Not her.
- I didn't want to do it, but I was afraid that if I didn't that he would kill me too. - She's lying.
Everything she said is the exact opposite of what happened.
Something to do with-- - You know what I think might be going on here?
I think I'm one of the only interesting people in modern pop culture besides like Milo and stuff.
So I keep making my way into their stories and they're so overwhelmed by my interestingness, there I am, that they have to exaggerate even further to sort of like, I don't know, nullify me and make me, I don't know, irrelevant or not serious.
You're the Joker!
Yeah, I'm the Joker.
The what?
If Emil spend all his time at work, these may be valuable.
Yeah.
Speaking of Emil, I did some digging around in the Manosphere.
The what?
The what?
The online community of blogs and websites that focus on men's issues.
Remind me why we love the Internet?
Apparently, it's a burgeoning movement.
You wouldn't believe him any guys out there?
She's reading a script mocking me, and I'm in love with her. - I thought human rights organizations were supposed to... - That's an in.
I could threaten to sue her and then meet her at the court trial and be like, can you believe this shit?
You wanna go get lunch?
Look at this.
I think she's Hawaiian.
This is a video posted by the victim.
What's that Hawaiian doing?
These so-called feminists are nothing but a bunch of lesbonese man-haters and the reason they're always screaming about their reproductive rights is to distract us from their real plot, which is getting rid of the male species.
Oh, good lord.
Yeah.
Uh, yeah.
What a crazy, exaggerated thing.
I mean, what?
I've never had a thought anything remotely like that.
That sucks when someone does a parody of you and you go, that's perfectly accurate.
But you know what else someone sent me?
Speaking of my favorite subject, Chuck Palahniuk has a new book out starring Gavin McInnes.
Spelled G-A-V-Y-N, but the last name is M-C-I-N-N-E-S.
Yeah, and I'm some like Nazi asshole who's secretly gay.
Oh yeah, Gavin Baker McInnes.
Yeah.
So I'm at my... Wait, there's references to Lester Maddox, Lothrop, Stoddart, Paula Deen, and Richard Spencer.
Great, thanks Chuck.
Weird.
I believe Ashanti is my psychiatrist in this.
What happened next was less sex than it was a political act.
Gavin was taking part in a game of chicken.
He slowly rolled himself out of the beanbag chair and made his way across the carpet.
Ashanti didn't stop him.
I believe Ashanti is my psychiatrist in this.
Oh, this might get his band too.
Not even when Gavin knelt between his legs and found the man already...
Gavin undid the belt, the top button, and pulled down the zipper...
Okay, I don't think I can say this on free YouTube.
But, uh, basically he gets an- does an- the next two paragraphs are an in-depth, um, uh, uh, description of me fellating my psychiatrist.
Who's a guy?
Yes.
Oh.
With- with details about the- the taste of the hee-haw that shoo-shoos.
Sheesh.
And you think, like, what's your motive there?
Like, are you trying to... Oh, I guess he thinks I'm a homophobe, so I'm gonna see that and go, you son of a bitch!
He hired a security guard.
He's like, this is going to be big.
Yeah, it's so petty.
It's sort of like Sacha Baron Cohen, the dude from Oasis, fucked with Sacha Baron Cohen once at a party.
And he said to Sacha Baron Cohen, Liam Gallagher said, who do you think is the greatest?
I can't do a northern English accent very well.
Who do you think is the greatest pop star of all time?
And Sacha Baron Cohen said, John Lennon?
And Liam Gallagher goes, Fucking me!
I'll cut your fucking eye out!
Alright, he's drunk.
Sacha Baron Cohen became obsessed with that because he's a fucking pussy.
So he made a whole movie lampooning Liam Gallagher because of a rude comment at a bar one night.
And it's actually a really good movie to watch with your kids.
The Brothers Grimsby.
The Brothers Grimsby.
How are you meant to put this in your mouth?
You don't put it in your mouth.
Why is it going to hear my voice?
I'm not in your mouth, I can hear you.
No, you're not in my mouth yet.
No.
Let's see how it goes.
Okay.
You're the star of a new film, Grimsby, which is right here, there you are, posted on that.
For anyone that's not...
Is this new?
Wait, what?
No, it's old.
It bombed.
It's a Brothers Grimsby and then Grimsby.
I didn't know there was two of them.
No, this is one.
Yeah, it's the same movie.
Oh, it's not a sequel.
Alright, anyway, let's do the last letter, then we'll wrap it up.
Jesus, I meant to make this a short episode.
Ready?
This this is murder prediction from Patrick.
Hey fags!
That's... I don't like that term.
It's mean.
Have you heard of the Instagram account, Another Beautiful Day Official?
It's run by an enormous douche who has tattoos all over his body and face, many of which are large, lame, inspirational quotes.
He thinks he's very deep and he's a joke in and of himself, but there's more.
He and his girlfriend, who's maybe a seven, do you subtract points for dating a retard?
Again, a term we do not, when we're on YouTube, think is okay.
Travel all around the world and take pictures in exotic locations for Instagram.
Do you need this?
Yeah, there we go.
They recently got a bunch of shit online for asking fans to help fund their trips.
The dude revealed the fact that his mom has been working two jobs to fund their vacations.
He said something about how getting a job himself was not an option because he had to continue going on adventures and inspiring people.
Somebody said, get a damn job.
Dude, look at all the comments.
This is hilarious.
Oh, he needs to inspire people to insult him.
As if his stupid Instagram posts were some kind of public service.
They are about it somewhere.
Ryan might want to look these up.
The douche and his girlfriend are now riding a tandem bike down into Africa.
I'm not sure what they think their final destination will be, but I have a feeling it will be a sandy grave in a shithole country.
Wow, this guy's quality.
Um, I've been checking in on their Instagram story, and I recently started seeing a lot of burkas.
They say people have tried to swindle and steal from them, but they act surprised and disappointed by it, not angry and stupid.
I don't think they know the languages of the places they're traveling through, but they ask strangers for a place to sleep.
In a recent story, they talked about how they just knocked on someone's front door in the middle of the fucking desert.
Imagine being an angry Muslim in the desert and opening your door to some grinning doofus With foreign symbols all over his face and some blonde chick next to him and not knowing what they're saying.
The woman and children at the house were welcoming, but the man wasn't pleased.
No shit.
They had to... He's saying no shit, by the way.
They had to camp outside the house, and at one point, some dude just opened their tent and started rifling through their shit.
Turns out it was a cop.
I can't believe this couple is making me sympathize with Muslims who murder tourists.
Right.
Yeah, I'm on their team for some reason.
I'm on their side.
Allah Akbar.
Uh, they were allowed to stay, but said they heard a lot of concerned male voices throughout the night, and somehow they woke up alive.
Thought you might be interested.
Following their Instagram story, uh, can be suspenseful.
Yeah, they're dead.
All right, um... Trying to... This is all sideways, but... It's all Lex's and O's.
Where we can stay.
Is he British?
What, what, what culture is he?
What are you?
You guys are going to do great wherever, whatever Muslim war-torn country.
And oh, Morocco is pretty secular.
It's pretty safe.
First time riding in the dark since we're in Morocco.
Normally we try to find a place before sunset, but the 10K guy just told us turned into 20.
Morocco is perfectly safe, but, uh, it's near a lot of places that aren't.
You know what I want to check out is the Canary Islands next to Morocco.
Hmm.
It looks mad dope, yo.
So this is them outside the guy's house?
Now they're in the tent.
Then somehow Eli ended up getting a massage.
What?
Okay.
So, some dude's giving his chick a massage?
We're watching someone die.
We're watching a snuff film.
Are snuff films allowed on YouTube?
Uh, sometimes.
Alright, let's take some calls.
Um, actually, let's take a couple calls, and then we'll go behind the paywall.
Alright.
I can do something like that.
Get that fucking rye off my desk.
Alright.
We got Jim talking about religion.
Talking about religion, Jim.
What's up guys?
I just wanted, I don't think, I don't know about your viewers, I think it's about half and half are like religious people, the other half aren't.
But I was just kind of eager to hear like your story of coming from like an atheist and a famous, kind of a famous person coming from fame into the Catholic Church.
I've always been kind of interested to hear that story.
So.
Yeah.
Alright, well thank you for calling.
That sounded like shit.
I hope that's not all calls.
But how I got into Catholicism was just really a random drop of the pen.
I'm starting to think I may have made a mistake.
Maybe it should have been the Church of England or Judaism or even the Amish.
I was an atheist my whole life.
My daughter was born.
I've told the story a hundred times.
I looked at her heel.
When she was sleeping one night, when she was a baby, and I just thought that everything works here, and I was so overwhelmed by the magnificence of it all.
And I've heard a lot of, I've heard this from a lot of atheists who have kids, where they realize, wow, I'm looking up into the sky and that's infinite, that's unfathomable, and I just ignore that and take it for granted, yet I sit here on Earth, and I look at the infinite universe that created this planet, And I try to shrug that off too as like, well, sharks have fins so they can swim around the water better.
It's all Darwinianism.
I definitely don't purport to that whole Ricky Gervais thing where every religious person thinks that everyone who doesn't follow their exact guidelines is going to hell.
So By those rights, I just chose, like, the nearest one.
Sort of like the Mets.
Like, I got into baseball and I went, uh, the Mets?
So I'm definitely a deist.
I believe in God.
I think that's inarguable, that this miracle that is the universe and earth was created by some omnipotent force.
The way I convey that ...is through Catholicism.
But it could be just as easily conveyed in the cargo cult, or the Amish, or Judaism, or a million other religions.
I think religion in general is just us grasping at straws, trying to convey the innate truth that there's something incredible out there.
And these fucking atheists like Howard Stern go, no I have spirituality, I just don't believe in your shit.
No, it's all the same.
All right, so that's not an atypical call, but let's take some more calls.
But before we do, we're going to close up the freeness.
Gotcha.
And before we close up the freeness, we're going to encourage you once again to go to Johnny Appleseed.
J-A-C-B-D dot com.
Johnny Appleseed.
Use promo code GAVIN and check out and get 20% off plus free shipping.
When you use promo code GAVIN, you get 20% off.
Visit JACBD.com and support free speech.
You will not get high!
It's like the hemp stuff without the non-hemp-y stuff.
I mean, without the THC.
You're just going to feel as great as I do every day.
The tincture, delicious.
The topical ointment smells tremendous, feels amazing.
The gummies taste so great and help me sleep.
You use it every day, right?
I do.
The tincture, right here.
Well, there's no need to use racial epithets while we're doing a commercial.
The sphincters?
No, you said this chink here.
I said the tinctures.
I apologize.
I misheard you.
It's totally fine, but it's also not inaccurate.
JACBD.com.
You're not Chinese?
No, but I do play joke.
Watch your cokes!
Watch your cokes!
Dude, that would be funny if you did piss in someone's coke.
I couldn't.
As a joke.
I peed in my bully's beer, but that's about it.
Just because it had alliteration.
I peed in my bully's beer?
Let's end it with that.
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