Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #30 - PUSSY WHIPPED

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Jan. 17, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:02:30

GOML LIVE #30 - PUSSY WHIPPED

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Get Off My Lawn Was the boombox there?
	Uh, no, but my signal isn't here.
	You fucking tard who waited until the 11th hour to play the show.
	Like, why are we doing this seconds before the show?
	This should have been ready at 8.55.
	Instead, you're like sitting on the toilet playing with your phone.
	And you don't have to chit.
	What should we do?
	Is this live?
	This is not a good intro.
	We went boomboxless.
	No, I don't think that was the flaw.
	It didn't make things feel different.
	No, the flaw was the double bass.
	Let's just start at the beginning.
	I don't care that it's live.
	We're going to do it again?
	Maybe you can learn from your fucking endless mistakes.
	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes How was that double bass?
	That time it wasn't.
	Yes, it was.
	I think you heard it from my headphones.
	Heard it from your headphones?
	Yeah, because I took them off and it doesn't sound slappy.
	Yes, it did.
	Let's try it again.
	I don't care how many times we have to do this.
	It's very simple.
	And this is why I was like, it's 8.54.
	It's 8.55.
	And you're like, no, I'd rather just air out my butthole in the bathroom, even though I don't have to shit.
	I couldn't get into the zone.
	Well, this is...
	While I was posting on social media, this is why it's weird What do you mean posting a social media?
	You had to go to the bathroom to post to social media?
	No, no, no, but I sat down.
	Uh-huh.
	You know, I was like, all right, let's see what's going on here.
	But why are you seeing what's going on here?
	If it's five minutes before we do a show, you should be running to the bathroom going, you're not going to believe this.
	I got explosive diarrhea.
	I'm so sorry, boss.
	Not like, hey, I might up to shit.
	I believe it was nine minutes.
	Because you said nine minutes time.
	Okay.
	Well, at five minutes too, we still didn't have the lights on in the studio.
	Sure.
	Yeah, I'm trying to figure out why.
	Like, everything should be 1000% ready to go.
	Sorry, 100% ready to go at 8.50.
	Yeah.
	This isn't Milo's show.
	And then when you play the music, it should not be double layered.
	Like, how have you not figured that out?
	Yeah, I pressed the same buttons that I always do.
	I don't know what's happening here.
	Yeah, it's not you.
	The machines.
	Then look, the computers made a mistake again.
	Stupid computers.
	Sometimes when I do two times two on my calculator, it'll say six.
	The computers make mistakes sometimes.
	I press the one button.
	Let's see if it doubles.
	And the queue-up was a total shit show from the gun to the song.
	That was also pet.
	Yeah, that was a shit show.
	Alright, let's try one more time.
	Wait, I'm not confident it won't slap.
	Because now I don't know what's now you're on a super echo?
	Jesus Christ, how long have you been working here?
	How long is it going to take for you to figure out this fucking equation?
	How long is it going to take for you to figure out how to make it?
	We'll be right back.
	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	What the fuck was that?
	There was some other noise going on at the end there.
	What was that noise?
	What did it sound like?
	It sounded like screeching feedback garbage.
	And by the way, do you now realize in retrospect how stupid it was for you to say, you're probably hearing it from my headphones because it sounded good to me.
	Well, every time I have my headphones on, I have to keep one ear off because it does slap.
	There's a delay.
	I don't know.
	You see, folks, this is how you stay stupid.
	You don't learn.
	You just keep blocking.
	So someone goes, hey, man, that thing you did, it didn't work.
	No, I did it the same.
	Well, I'm just telling you that the driver didn't show up.
	Well, it's not my fault.
	Now you can't learn.
	But if you go, wait, what?
	The driver didn't show up?
	Hold on.
	Let me check.
	Something didn't work out.
	It's like, if the driver didn't show up, then we as a collective have a problem here.
	That's how the brain has to operate.
	Not like, must be the computer's fault.
	I did everything I had to do, fucking stupid computers.
	And when you hear that there's a double bass, the same song is repeating itself, you're like, Gavin's wrong.
	I don't know what he's talking about.
	He's probably hearing it from my headphones.
	This isn't a problem I have today.
	That's the only anecdote I have because I keep my anecdote.
	Point of experience, point of privilege?
	Point of privilege?
	Point of privilege?
	No, none of those words are in English.
	Still not using the language.
	But I noticed that I get there's a delay between my ears and the thing, so I keep one ear off towards the speaker every time I do the intro, just to make sure it's not slapping.
	What the fuck has that got to do with what I'm talking about?
	I said I could hear the intro on top of itself twice.
	And your rebuttal was, you're probably hearing it from my headphones, like I'm fucking Spider-Man and can hear your headphones.
	And I'm making a bigger extrapolation and saying that kind of mentality, we're like, nope, this isn't an issue, is how you never learn.
	That's how you stay stupid.
	That's how problems don't get fixed.
	Here's the deal.
	If the customer isn't happy, then you did something wrong.
	People have to understand, especially Ryan's generation, culpability, all right?
	If you take a woman on a date and you take her to Keene's and you're having this awesome time, you take her to, I don't know, some fucking Broadway show that's really hard to get tickets to, and you look at her and she's yawning the whole time.
	You fucked up.
	What?
	Those tickets are like $10,000.
	It's incredible I got them.
	I happen to know the guy who wrote the thing.
	Yeah, I don't give a fuck.
	She didn't like it.
	It wasn't for her.
	You failed.
	The project didn't move forward.
	So you don't sit there and go, well, she's a stupid bitch.
	Keynes is a great place.
	Unless you don't give a shit about her.
	But you go, oh, obviously she's not into that.
	I read her wrong.
	So with this, you don't go, oh, you must have heard it from my headphones.
	I didn't do nothing wrong.
	Yes, you did plenty wrong.
	Starting with not being ready 15 minutes before and going to give your fucking asshole an air tan.
	She might also be a stupid bitch, though, too, on top of that.
	See?
	This is him in a nutshell.
	But it's not a denucle.
	Two things could be true at the same time.
	Because Keynes is really good.
	You know what?
	I'm getting to the point where I think the solution is just like a taser or something when you fuck up.
	You're like a horse.
	That's nice.
	The idea of, hey man, that didn't work out.
	No, it's my headphones.
	Well, that didn't work.
	So maybe learning is impossible and it's just a matter of like a shock collar.
	You know what might have happened?
	Some of our guests earlier could have leaned on something.
	I don't know, because I press the same button all the time.
	Yeah, you'll notice.
	Am I coming through the speaker?
	You'll notice all your solutions involve you not doing anything wrong.
	It's always like, oh, you heard it from my headphone.
	Or now the fact that we had someone in the studio earlier, they must have pushed a button.
	They were leaning on the soundboard, but I'm telling you for a fact.
	Am I coming through the speaker?
	No?
	Okay.
	For a fact, I'm pressing one button.
	I've been doing the intro.
	Was the intro fine yesterday?
	Yes, but we've had problems with the Buddly Buddy in the past.
	And then when's the last time that happened?
	Never ago?
	Well, we don't usually use that song.
	So the last two times we've done that intro would be like, we're going back now two weeks because we only do it on Thursdays because we don't get fucked out of YouTube.
	Okay.
	It comes from the same place, so that's not a valid argument, but I get what you mean.
	Oh, that's not a valid argument.
	Well, then why is it the only time I hear that song repeat itself?
	That's the only song I hear repeat itself.
	And what the fuck are you spitting in?
	That shouldn't bother you at all.
	Thank you.
	What the fuck are you doing on the show?
	You're chewing tobacco?
	It's not chewing.
	It's dip.
	You just leave it there.
	You don't chew it.
	Oh, you just sit there and salivate your disgusting brown discharge onto a fucking napkin while I'm trying to concentrate.
	You know how disgusting that is?
	You might as well be jerking off.
	That's gross.
	I thought we agreed you're not going to do that anymore.
	No, I agreed not to spit.
	You are spitting.
	No, I'm not.
	What's going in the fucking tissue?
	Little pieces of the tobacco that get stuck in your mouth is pretty nasty.
	But I'm swallowing every single gulp.
	Get that shit out of your fucking mouth and never chew tobacco on the show ever again.
	I shouldn't be subject to your disgusting, pathetic, weak addictions.
	A lot of listeners chew tobacco.
	It's the most American thing.
	I got a lot of support.
	People like, dude, ye, yee, you're chewing tobacco, bro.
	And I was like, yeah.
	Do a lot of people chew tobacco on television?
	I'm not on camera doing the things I'm doing.
	Oh, really?
	I mean, but I'll stop.
	You just said, folks at home, this is what I have to deal with.
	I'm not on camera doing the things I'm doing.
	And then you see him go, and remove a strand of fucking tobacco on camera.
	Usually I'm not.
	Oh, usually.
	No.
	You're usually not.
	Oh, okay.
	I'm not.
	I'm pretty close to cancelling this show.
	I'm pretty close to cancelling this show.
	But let's talk about Johnny Apple's CBD just briefly.
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	Gives me the best sleep of my life.
	Really chills you out at night.
	If you ever wake up with the sort of tears in the middle of the night, this can help ease the pain.
	And it helps take the jitters out of coffee, I've noticed, the edible gummies.
	I told everyone at my gym about them.
	I've actually brought it to the gym and other guys there use it.
	And they love it.
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	There's an office party in the studio next door.
	And they said, hey, man, we're going to be playing music.
	We have a friend who plays guitar, who works here.
	And I said, well, I don't really give a shit.
	I'll just, as long as I mention it on the air.
	Thanks, man.
	Appreciate it.
	And they just stopped.
	And I think it might have been the banging and the screaming.
	Maybe.
	I think we scared them.
	Well, it's really inconsiderate for them to do so.
	So late.
	No, it's nine o'clock at night.
	We're in an office building.
	What's the matter with that?
	What kind of dick would hey, the fuck's going on?
	Oh, the person who started this company, you know, we finally just went public and we're all finally making money.
	We didn't make money for two years.
	And the vice president is having twins.
	So it's kind of a double whammy.
	We're pretty excited.
	Well, fuck you.
	And I don't want to hear any music at all.
	Okay, we'll just quietly watch YouTube videos.
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	Are we going to have a giveaway?
	Yes, we're going to have a giveaway.
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	jacbd.com use promo code gavin show the sponsors some love you get the ideas oh damn it i was supposed to wear the shirts thank you for the shirts by the way they were kind of hurt that you took the shirt off and threw it really yeah because they made that especially for us okay thank you very much johnny apple cbd fist hurts quite a bit from you being the most annoying person in the world it's one thing for
	people to fuck up and just be like, oh, goddammit, again, with the intro doubling over itself.
	Fuck.
	I have to make sure I figure that out and figure out why it does that and what the problem is.
	Sorry, boss.
	Won't happen again.
	But all these dumb fucking excuses where you just can't be wrong.
	Like, you're hearing it through my headphones.
	Or why are you getting notifications on your screen?
	If we're going to show a video and you're getting notifications, it's very difficult to notif-gay.
	Yeah.
	Like, how do you not know to not have that on your screen?
	That's not a thing.
	And then he'll have an excuse.
	I'm not going to say it.
	I'm not going to say it.
	Yeah, no, it's a computer.
	I never do anything wrong.
	All right, we're 15 minutes in.
	My hand hurts.
	Did you use an uppercut, a right hook, or a...
	Yeah, I'm about to show you something.
	I don't think we'll do it right now, this second.
	Yeah, maybe we should do it this second.
	What I did, in the world of boxing, that particular move I just did, is an illegal move.
	If a boxer maybe goes low and he's below you and you start bonking him on the back of the head, you will lose a point.
	At least.
	Probably a point per punch.
	But I've actually, I worked hard this week.
	Actually, I recorded this on Tuesday and Ryan finally had it ready about an hour before we started the show.
	Because why have things ready on time?
	Why, like, why not just wait till the 11th hour?
	It's factually inaccurate.
	What is factually inaccurate?
	I had to wait for you to okay it today.
	But you didn't see it.
	I came in this morning and the cards still weren't made.
	Afternoon.
	No.
	Late afternoon.
	I came in this morning.
	You were still in fucking...
	You were not here.
	Okay, gotcha.
	Well...
	Yeah, yeah.
	So, the cards still weren't made.
	That's why, if you'll notice, when you finally came into the office and looked at your computer, it was in Premiere showing the card.
	That was Dad's way of saying, where are the fucking cards?
	I see, I see.
	Yes.
	Did you even notice that?
	But that was done hours ago.
	Did you even notice that?
	Yes, yes.
	Yeah.
	Hours ago.
	It's nine o'clock and you had this, we had this footage on Tuesday and it's ready hours before.
	Do you think that's good?
	Do you think that's you kicking ass?
	Plus, I take the kids away before the Thursday show.
	So, when I come in, I have to start right away.
	I don't have time to mull things over.
	So, it was factually accurate, actually.
	Three hours.
	Yeah.
	When you take away me with the kids on Thursdays, the amount of time I had when this thing was finally done was down to the last fucking second.
	Three hours ago, it was done.
	Yeah.
	I take the kids away for three hours before the Thursday show.
	But what does that have to do with me finishing the video that you've already okayed the changes for?
	No, I hadn't okayed the changes for it.
	Oh, you did?
	No, you did.
	Holy fucking shit.
	You did.
	You left after the changes were made and that video was finalized and pushed out.
	Yes.
	No, it hadn't been exported yet.
	I left when I had to leave and I had just okayed it because it was just finished.
	So, that's called the 11th hour.
	That's factually accurate, shit for brains.
	Three hours before is the final hour.
	If you hit me...
	I don't even fucking mind!
	If you really hit me, I'm going to hurt you.
	Yeah, best of luck.
	Really?
	Yeah, really.
	I mean, it would be pretty savage.
	Oh, really?
	It would be pretty savage, would it?
	Yeah, it would have to be.
	Three hours before is too late when the guy's not going to be here.
	If I was staying in the studio from three hours before till now, then that would still suck because it's still three hours before.
	But this was the second before I had to leave.
	But my only problem, this is my last thing I'll say, why didn't you look at the video when you came in now?
	Because that would be...
	Don't you have to look at it again if it's not done?
	If it wasn't done, wouldn't you have to look at it right now?
	Wouldn't you have had to look at it when you came in the office right now?
	I didn't say it wasn't done.
	I said it was done at the 11th hour.
	I think three hours is a really nice buffer time.
	Not if someone's going to be gone for those three hours, you fucking nitwitch!
	Sure, you're gone.
	But your argument is that you have to come back and watch the video, which you didn't.
	So, what happened there?
	No, that's not my argument.
	Here's the deal.
	if i have to leave at five right and i'm gone till nine right yep then five and nine conflate and now something done at 459 is just as bad as something done at 859.
	okay i got you i got you this is not rocket science sure sure i don't know if i can do this show So anyway, fuck up number 950.
	And by the way, have you done the mass shooting video yet?
	Um, no, I have it in premiere though.
	Because priority was the boxing video and then the mass shooting video.
	But why does it take, why did, why does footage arrive on Tuesday and it's done at the 11th hour on Thursday?
	Why does something take 48 hours?
	With the boxing thing?
	Yeah.
	Well, it barely took any editing.
	You had to, well, no, there's a lot of really subtle things there that had to be done.
	Like the end, like that little, a couple of seconds matter and all the timing of it.
	Because you gotta have good comedic timing in it.
	And then you also don't want to have any fat there, so you trim all the fat, make sure the cards are right, make sure the volume is right.
	I want to add little music.
	I think I'm just gonna edit these things for now on.
	You could.
	Yeah.
	I gotta teach you how to use hotkeys because you use the mouse too much.
	Yeah, I have a feeling if I use the mouse too much, we're still gonna be about 20 hours faster with the video.
	I think you're in over your head with these extra edits.
	Well, we ruined the neighbor's party.
	Should we briefly mention the blue chew?
	Yeah.
	All right, well, let's show this.
	This was apparently 40 hours of work to show you five important punches you can use in the art of boxing.
	Hey guys, I'm just going to show you some basic punches here so you can be more alert in the ring and take out basically any opponent you want.
	You can be a welterweight, you can take out a heavyweight, as long as you follow the sweet science, the art of boxing.
	So the first move I'm going to show you is just your basic jab.
	The jab isn't just to hurt the guy.
	It's also to sort of feel out where he is and see if you can set yourself up for a right.
	So the left has got a lot to do with it.
	And you'll see, you watch someone like Connor McGregor, and his left is what wins him his fights.
	So this is just, I'm going to show you the basics of the jab.
	Right, you've got your stance in there.
	You want to feel him out, see where he is, where he's at.
	So you get the idea with the jab.
	The next one I'm going to show you is the left hook.
	Now the thing about the left hook is it's all about where you strategically place your body.
	It's hard to get up close to someone when they're bigger.
	And so with the left hook, you want to sort of get to the side of him and then use your body to swivel and nail him in the head.
	Okay?
	First, you sort of sized up.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Try it, boy.
	Just get inside your cap.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	And then this next punch is, of course, right, right cross.
	Now the deceiving thing about the right cross is this isn't where the power is.
	This is where the power is.
	When you do a right, it's coming from the hips.
	So twisting your ankle out like that is really what delivers a punch.
	This is just the messenger, okay?
	Don't kill the messenger.
	I'm going to show you how to do a right and how you can take anyone out using your hips.
	So you may have noticed that this guy is doing a lot of body shots to me.
	That's smart, and I commend that.
	When you're with someone who's a lot taller than you, you sometimes can't reach the head.
	You can't get up there.
	We use this headhunter bag to practice that.
	But if he's up there, that's okay.
	Forget the head.
	You want to do body blows.
	Body blows are some of the most powerful blows that you can give to a guy.
	And with these big tall guys, it's how you take them down.
	I'm going to show you some basics on the body ball.
	This one is kind of a trick.
	Dirty fool, we call it.
	And what I like to do is, it's part of the body thing.
	You go down low, nail the body, right?
	So he's like, oh, this guy's down here, hit my body.
	Then you surprise him with an overhand right.
	It's like getting attacked by a fighter jet.
	They never see it coming, and it's a surefire way to take out a big guy.
	Okay?
	Go to the body, over and right.
	So that's basically how you can beat the shit out of anyone.
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	If you remember on a show a long time ago, I think one of my teeth is loose now.
	We were talking about Robert Downey Jr. and how terribly he's dressed in all movies.
	I initially had a theory that he was boning his stylist and she was incompetent, but because he was fucking her and I guess she had stuff on him, then she got away with her incompetence and just her whole career was blowing RDJ on the side and then styling him.
	Readers wrote in with better theories.
	So I'm losing that.
	That one's in the garbage now.
	And I'm going with a viewer-submitted theory that he said, I'm kind of a fashion guy, so I'll be handling most of my styling.
	You can have a stylist, and I'm open to her input, but I am kind of, I kind of do it myself because it's just so alarmingly consistent and has been his entire career.
	I saw back to school the other night with the kids because someone at the bar said, oh my God, that movie's so funny.
	This was like a 60-year-old, especially when they're talking about business and Rodney Dangerfield goes, well, first you got to pay off the unions.
	Then you got to make sure sanitation is taken care of.
	Then you got to make sure these, and he starts talking about all the guys you have to bribe to build a factory because they were talking about how to start a business.
	And I thought, that sounds funny.
	I'm going to put on that movie.
	The kids were bored shitless.
	It's a really predictable, uninteresting film that goes nowhere.
	I mean, picture it in your head.
	Nouveau Rich guy, Rodney Dangerfield, goes back to school.
	Yeah, that's the movie.
	You're done.
	You can just sit in a chair and close your eyes.
	And it's exactly what you think it's going to be.
	But again, RDJ is in it.
	And he looks way tulier.
	Oh, it was the 80s.
	No, no, no.
	I was around in the 80s.
	This is a different level.
	Can you show some of these ensembles he had?
	He has this dye in his hair that's just like blue chalk and pink chalk.
	It's not real dye.
	Or then this picture, I don't even understand it.
	You see the one where he has the plane through his head?
	He's wearing that to a football game.
	But underneath the helmet, he's wearing a hair net.
	Yeah, and he has a gas mask.
	Is this part of your school?
	And then you go up a bit, and he's got on a pirate blouse.
	It really is.
	I think in the top left of this entire thing, you'll see a gif that really sums up what a fucking useless tool he is.
	Yeah, there we go.
	He has not changed one iota from that.
	And he was just on Joe Rogan.
	I'm not sure how much we're allowed to show without getting in trouble from the powers at YouTube.
	The fact that we're still on YouTube stuns no one more than me.
	But, God, he was on Roe.
	It's kind of hard to be a douche on Rogan.
	Even someone like me comes across as pretty likable.
	But what a fucking LA tool.
	First of all, what is with his shirt?
	He's got like a $170 t-shirt on and then some skateboard wheel amulet made of turquoise.
	The fuck is that?
	What is that?
	Of course, can you imagine how much stupid meaning it has behind it?
	It's some kundalini thing.
	What's kundalini?
	Some sort of yoga meditational gay.
	Oh, fuck.
	I love how all these Hollywood atheists are so above religion, they don't need it.
	And then all they do is try to simulate religion.
	I don't need God.
	And then Madonna's got her whole name is a mockery of Catholicism.
	And then she's got the red thread on because she's in a fucking thing.
	Or even Joe Rogan is like, I don't need that man in the sky, the stupid made-up traditions.
	Like Lent.
	I'm going to ghost for sober October.
	Oh, so Lent, but a different month.
	Okay, wow, you're really thriving without religion.
	Or even Stern with his therapy every single day.
	I don't need religion.
	I got my own shit going on.
	What the fuck's going on with my life?
	Who am I?
	Every single day.
	Anyway, so in this, Joe Rogan, who's a pretty cool guy, can't help but notice what a douche his guest is and says, what the fuck?
	What is that an Iron Man thing?
	What are you doing?
	So I was doing this before.
	No, it's not Q-Man.
	Are you concerned with wearing around your neck?
	Yes.
	Being as you are obviously known as being Iron Man.
	Are you concerned with wearing a large thing in the exact same spot?
	Did you ever think of that?
	How phony is that laugh?
	Pretty bad.
	This whole thing.
	I'm not uncomfortable at all with you noticing that I'm a dork.
	I was doing this before I ever got fitted for the RT.
	So it was more of a...
	Now, Ryan, the uneducated duel who only knows comic voice had to explain this to me.
	But RT is the name of the suit.
	The chest thing.
	Yeah.
	Oh, the chest thing is called the RT.
	The RT node, yes.
	The RT node.
	So he's talking like we all know what an RT node is.
	It's pretty bad.
	Meanwhile, he's wearing a razor scooter wheel on his neck.
	What the fuck is that?
	Like, I want to just break it off and then not be dramatic.
	Just like place it in the garbage and say, let's go.
	Art imitating.
	Like, I don't want to smash it against the wall.
	It just needs to go.
	It's like when someone has lettuce in their beard and you're like, you got some lettuce there from your Big Mac.
	Just get it off.
	Let's move on.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	Well, go back, go back.
	So wait, wait, I need to see the way he says RT.
	The RT that we all know of.
	RT.
	Did you ever think of that?
	Life is funny because I was doing this before I ever got fitted for the RT.
	Doing what?
	Wearing cornball jewelry that you wear when you're 13.
	There's that phase when you're 13 and you see your mom's jewelry box and your mom's probably cheap so she has a bunch of dumb shit like an Ankh.
	And you're like, maybe I'm going to become medallion guy, and then you have a turquoise wheel around your neck for maybe a day, and you go, Yeah, no, I'm not fucking.
	You might even have a turtleneck.
	You're like, Nope, that was a dumb idea.
	That's fucking embarrassing.
	That was up there with my fucking shark tooth earring.
	It's it's one of those two-day things that you have as a little kid.
	For me in high school, it was double mint gum for like a week.
	I was like, I'm the double mint gum guy.
	So it was more of art imitating oddball stuff I was doing anyway.
	I'm talking about fashion and dumb things you do.
	Fashion.
	Double mint gum is the thing you put in your mouth.
	Yeah, but I tried to make it my thing.
	Anybody want some gum?
	And I'd always be chewing double mint like I need it, like a cartoon character?
	Yeah, that's not really the same thing.
	Like Popeye would.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	Well, but Iron Man, obviously.
	Look, he's trying to make that trippy.
	He's so used to talking to sycophants that it's exactly like fucking, what's his name from Empire?
	Not Juicy Smollet, but...
	Terrence Howard.
	Terrence Howard, Symbos, who sees the various Symbos.
	And the way he talks, you're like, I know, I've seen this a lot with black guys with green eyes.
	Not that he has green eyes, but I have noticed this.
	They're used to people going like this when they talk.
	And rich, famous people who are kind of articulate, like Terrence, are used to just farting bullshit at pretty girls.
	And they're so happy to be here that they're like, that makes sense.
	One in one is not two, which is literally what he says.
	And I kind of figured it out this week, too.
	Remember he said you can either, now I'm getting caught up in what he calls Terenceology.
	He said, for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.
	So, and he says that's physics.
	Yet when you go one times one, that's an action, but you're left with one.
	So you had an action, but you didn't have a reaction.
	And it's like, Terence, math is not physics.
	I can't believe I have to say this, but when you say one times one, it's the number of groups of one there are.
	How many groups of ones are there?
	There's only one.
	Okay.
	Hi, I'm a one.
	There we go.
	It's not like you gave the one an electrical shock.
	So I know that sounds fucking retarded that I have to explain that, but he's taken that silly mistake and he's leaving acting to pursue Terenceology.
	Because they have the, what does he call them again?
	Teriology, the flower of life?
	No, there's the flower of life, but he says, I've seen that.
	By the way, why aren't you pulling up Terrence Howard talking about this shit and showing his fucking gifts?
	I don't know how long of a what does he say?
	The aquatic, we find the radiatic equations or some shit?
	Sounds about right.
	That actually might make more sense than what he's saying.
	The beauty of finding a Terrence Howard clip when he talks about Terenceology is you just jump in anywhere.
	Anywhere.
	And it's gold.
	That's a reaction, right?
	Oh, this is the exact point.
	That thinks one times one equals one.
	Then you give me two pounds and I'll give you a pound back.
	And we'll call that even, right?
	Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	I'm sorry.
	I know we've already covered this in the show a million times, but he's now not even caught up on his own Terenceology.
	So he says one times one is two, right?
	But he just fucked up his own logic and he just said, if you think one times one is one, then give me two pounds and I'll give you a pound back.
	That's not what you say, dude.
	You say one times one is two.
	That doesn't mean two equals one.
	You know what I'm saying?
	He finds it funny, this guy.
	Oh, that would be so fun, by the way, if you're with someone, like, say that's his girlfriend right next to her.
	And you know what I like to do in situations like that?
	You just sort of, like, say someone's being a fucking freak, but it's a place where you can't say, why are you being a freak?
	So I'll just like take my elbow to my wife's elbow or whatever and just sort of go.
	And then they push back, like, what the fuck is going on?
	Until you could crush a mouse with the force of the two elbows.
	Just like, what?
	And then you maybe use your knee and your knee is going against her knee like, what the fuck is Ted?
	We need to get the fuck out of here.
	Like one time we were on a cruise and we went downstairs to they had a comedy club on the cruise ship.
	And I was had a few beers and I was like, let's sit at the fucking front.
	And we sat at the very front and he sucked.
	And then I was like, how am I going to get out of here?
	Without standing up and walking in front of everyone saying, not a fan.
	Anyway, let's see more RDJ because he talks like Terrence Howard, which is, I'm a genius.
	Oddball stuff I was doing anyway.
	It was more of art imitating oddball stuff I was doing anyway.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	Just pause.
	He thinks that's really trippy.
	That Iron Man has a circle in his chest and he wears big medallions.
	That's art imitating life.
	Even though Iron Man had that stupid shit on his chest before Robert Dennett Jr. was born.
	Isn't Iron Man from like the 30s or some shit?
	It's pretty old.
	But Iron Man, that's even more interesting because maybe you were born to be Iron Man because Iron Man from the comic books.
	Loosely prearranged destiny.
	And what's incredible is how far afield you can go from it and still find your way back.
	Yeah.
	Very profound, Terrence.
	RDJ, would you say there's symbos in the cosmos?
	There are symboss.
	There's the flower of life.
	Look at him.
	He's the worst dressman in America.
	Look at that fucking jacket.
	What is that track suit?
	He has been doing that for a while, though.
	He dresses like someone who was in a super bad motorcycle accident and they were dealing meth at the time and they have head trauma, but they're also under house arrest.
	So he's like in his house, but he's also being creative in his house and wearing like a tracksuit he made Or his friend's mom's hat.
	Look at that.
	House arrest is fun.
	You'd be surprised.
	Look, I'm Tony Stark today.
	I watched all the Marvel movies.
	It took me two days.
	Fucking loser.
	This is one thing we've learned on the show: that rich, successful people can be losers.
	And I don't think I learned that until very recently.
	Until Jack Ma.
	Until Jack Ma.
	Jack Ma, the Michael Scott of billionaires, and even Elon Musk.
	Have you seen his stupid dance he did in China?
	He was dancing like that fucking Teresa May dance where she comes in like Slender Man and has her weird praying mantis legs and she's going, hey, I'm fun.
	And then you had fucking our own Jack Ma totally rocking.
	What's his accent now?
	Is he South African?
	South African, yeah.
	See the African.
	Shoot the bon!
	Shoot to kill!
	I'm fun.
	I'm kind of crazy.
	Is he trying to get Asian pussy in China by being fun?
	Yeah, maybe he likes a certain type of Chinese that's like a tribe and he learned their mating dance.
	By the way, how fucking gay must this party be next door?
	Because it's pretty loud, right?
	So he probably bought his PV amp to the office.
	They all know him.
	This is exactly like the office with David Brent.
	Free love on the hot love highway where the love is free.
	My baby is gone.
	She's dead.
	She's not dead.
	We have David Brent behind us because he's been playing songs now.
	Like he's a set.
	So they can't talk.
	It's too loud for them to talk.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	So that means everyone who works with Roy is watching him right now seeing Brown Eyed Girl going.
	And I guarantee you, elbows are pushing elbows really hard.
	There's footage from next door.
	I would make myself barf and then say, oh, I barfed.
	Food poisoning.
	I should probably go.
	Love to hear more Brown-Eyed Girl.
	La la la la.
	Racial.
	She's the serpent who guards the gates of hell.
	Pretty girl.
	Way too many reads.
	I'm supposed to do two more in the next 15 minutes.
	Sheesh.
	I'm not doing that.
	I'll take the financial hit.
	Anyway, this brings up our first important story of the show.
	My new obsession is women who control their men.
	Now, I saw this post from Chelsea Paretti, who comes from an amoral family.
	Her brother, Jordan Peretti, terrorized people.
	John Lott, he made up a fake email address and said he was John Lott to fuck with John for writing More Guns, Less Crime or being a gun advocate.
	John had to sue him, even though he didn't have the finances.
	Jordan, what's his name?
	Jordan Peretti, Chelsea's brother.
	He also was starting some sort of dating app, singles app, and there was someone else already doing exactly that and had his exact same business plans.
	So what he did was he took their URL, changed it a bit, and then made that his thing and started using that email to fuck with them.
	So he's like a ruthless, immoral saboteur.
	Jonah.
	Jonah Peretti, yeah.
	So she comes from a shitstain family, right?
	And it was the family they based Get Out On, if you will.
	Oh, yeah.
	But which is funny because Chelsea Pretty's stepmom is black, but they obviously indulge in this role of we're evil white people, even though I think they probably are evil white people.
	Anyway, sorry.
	So she writes this tweet, and it's just classic leftist Hollywood shit.
	I like Warren and I like Bernie.
	I like Warren more, but I'll be happy with either.
	But also, is it all rigged and going to be heavily influenced by misinformation campaigns and endless racism and fear of progress?
	What does that mean?
	And climate denial and deep corruption and voter suppression, et cetera?
	Let me know.
	And I was looking at that going, oh, I kind of see better why Jordan Peele is a douche.
	Like why he's a dickweed.
	He's a talented guy, and Kiam Peele was some of the finest comedy ever made.
	And, you know, it wasn't affirmative action.
	They weren't given that gig because they're black.
	They were given that gig because they are fucking hilarious.
	And you can look up their viral videos on YouTube, and they all have a billion, zillion hits because they're fucking high quality.
	Like the one where the guy was like, he had penises on his desk.
	He was a gay dude and he's listening to ass fucking music and stuff.
	And the Jordan Peel character was like, can you calm down, please?
	He's like, oh, we got a homophobe in the house.
	What's the matter?
	You got a problem with faggots?
	And the guy was like, no, just please turn your music down and not, don't have dicks everywhere.
	I'm at work.
	Yeah, that sketch.
	And then at the end of it, the guy you don't think is gay's boyfriend shows up.
	His name incidentally is Gavin.
	And then the gay dude goes, oh, it's not because I'm gay.
	Huh?
	Maybe I'm just an asshole.
	Wow.
	I was like, wow, that is fucking perfect.
	It's poignant.
	What a genius.
	And then he gets in with Chelsea Peretti.
	And the next thing you know, he's making movies about how white people are evil and they want to kill everyone.
	And what's his latest project?
	Oh, yeah.
	We were talking about this yesterday.
	Nazi Hunter.
	It's a squad with like a cool blaxploitation chick and a cool Jew ninja.
	And they go through the streets and they find Nazis who are, by the way, everywhere.
	Oh, they're everywhere.
	Actual Nazis from World War II and then new Nazis who just like, I don't know what they do with their Nazism.
	They just like shoot Jews from the top of a building or something.
	And these guys go in there and they kill them all.
	Shoot them in the face.
	Haha, Nazi.
	This is misfucking.
	Anyway, my theory here, I'm postulating, is that Jordan is just so happy to be with Chelsea that he's become a chick, an annoying liberal chick who Shoves their dumb racist identity politics down your throat everywhere they go.
	Even though Jordan Poole grew up white in the Upper West Side with his white mom, his black dad not around.
	And it brings me to another, even bigger deal with this pussy whippedness.
	There's two layers of pussy whipped, right?
	There's Jordan Peel, who grew up without a dad, so he's probably naturally subservient to women.
	So he gets Chelsea and he's like, I'm your bitch.
	What should I do?
	Oh, a bunch of shit about how everything's racist.
	I'm in.
	Let's start with your family.
	But the higher level of pussy whippedness is second marriages.
	Those guys are like, you can shoot me.
	You can fucking kill me.
	You want to be a tattooist?
	Why don't you practice on my face?
	Right?
	Faggot.
	I don't care.
	Whatever you want.
	And a great example of this, of course, is Jimmy Kimmel, who, like Jordan Peel, used to be a super funny, awesome dude.
	He did Windy City Heat, the meanest movie ever made.
	It was a quarter century prank on a dude.
	That's the real Jimmy Kimmel, a mean guy.
	I've hung out with him.
	He's a jerk.
	I like that, though, but he's a fucking dick.
	Like I was at a dinner once, and I brought my motorbike, and as I was leaving, I noticed he'd written Hillary on the back of my helmet with indelible Sharpie.
	I had to put reflective tape on that.
	I couldn't get it off.
	Anyway, that's the true Jimmy Kimmel.
	He gets married too young, has a bunch of kids, gets divorced.
	Divorce traumatizes.
	I mostly only know men who are divorced, but I assume it's the same with women.
	Divorce crushes a person, traumatizes them.
	Like Pat Dixon, with his new marriage, he's like, she could literally stab me and I would get stitches and we would move on.
	When my wounds healed, so would our marriage.
	Anthony Kumia swear to never, ever, ever get married again.
	Anthony Kumia just said never again, right?
	So when these guys get married, their second marriage, they go, anything goes, I'm anyone's dog for a bone.
	No, sorry, I'm this, anyone, I'm this person's dog for a bone, no matter what.
	Terrible analogy.
	So Molly, Jimmy Kimmel's new wife, who just gave him a son, is a huge social justice warrior.
	Look, enough gun violence is her icon.
	She's also one of these new moms who can't believe how awesome she is for being a mom and how hard it is and how she's a warrior.
	And look at this.
	Check out her tweets.
	This is how fucking lefto-weirdo she is.
	Michelle Williams gave the speech of the night.
	This is the speech, by the way, where Michelle Williams goes, the reason I can get awards like this is because I don't have babies in the way at inconvenient time, so I abort them.
	In other words, I killed my babies for this false idol.
	In other words, I'm basically a Satanist.
	But no, that's heroic to the left.
	And they said, while creating a human under her dress.
	So now creating a human is an awesome thing.
	While talking about abortions.
	Yikes.
	And because there is no better multitasker than a mother, we should probably elect one.
	Then it's pictures like, look at the one below it.
	Holy shit, I'm always working on this shit, or it goes a little lower.
	Look at this.
	We got to do a day of this shit.
	I opened.
	Yeah, lady, we have kids.
	We know what it involves.
	You're not breaking new ground here.
	But Kimmel is so determined to make this last that he's like, I'm Molly.
	I'm fucking, I want to eat Michelle Williams out while she gives birth.
	I'm so happy that she had an abortion.
	And I think a lot of this is these guys, they say, okay, I'm going to keep my wife happy no matter what.
	I'll subsume her politics.
	I'll just become whatever she is.
	But also, they want to get invited to dinner parties.
	I'm sorry.
	What do these new rich wives want more than anything?
	They don't have to do any work.
	That's all handled.
	They want to get invited to dinner parties.
	Who runs these dinner parties?
	The other Kanti second wives, right?
	And they all have the same politics.
	So if you don't want to be disinvited from these, you better hate Trump.
	You better kiss your girlfriend's ass, or sorry, your second wife's ass.
	Then she gots invited to the parties.
	Everyone's happy.
	Happy wife.
	Happy life.
	Example number two.
	Howard Stern.
	So it's the exact same story as Kimmel.
	Exact same story as Kumia.
	Gets a wife too early.
	Then becomes super rich.
	And is, I don't really want this anymore.
	Turfs the hag, as they say in the movie Husbands and Wives, soon as you show your age, they want to trade you in for a younger model.
	So he gets Beth Ostrotsky, a supermodel.
	And she's not going to have kids.
	Howard's already had kids.
	So there's a massive void in her womb.
	So she fills it with fucking kittens.
	And she works for some North Shore Animal Rescue.
	Howard's turn makes $90 million a year.
	What does, does everyone at North Shore Animal League have a Lamborghini?
	Do all the cats have three-piece suits and their own personal trainer?
	Like, how much money does this fucking thing need?
	Anyway, so she's all about animals to fill the void.
	So he's animal guy.
	Oh, I love cats.
	Really?
	You never mentioned them before, Howard.
	No, I'm a cat.
	Oh my God, we go full douche circle.
	Look at his face.
	Like he's doing something profound.
	Yeah, you're right.
	I'm holding a cat, and I don't care if the whole world knows it.
	I'm standing up for North Shore Animal League.
	Like we're all eating chicken sandwiches going, that's amazing.
	They saved another animal life.
	How important.
	Kittens are so important.
	Like that fucking Netflix show, Don't Fuck With Cats.
	And I'm watching it going, I'm glad you caught the guy.
	And it turned out to be he was worse than just a cat killer.
	But couldn't you have that same sort of due diligence with giotists?
	Could you not worry less about kittens and more about the next terrorist attack?
	Because we need your weaponized autism, but not so much for cats.
	I'm not so worried about kittens.
	I don't give a fuck about your dog.
	I don't give a fuck about my dog.
	All right, so that's Howard Stern.
	And you can see, like, look at her Twitter.
	It's like, I'm glad I didn't have kids.
	I'm doing great without them.
	Anyway, save this kitten because it's cute.
	Squirrels.
	Don't hurt me.
	I have big eyes.
	This is about squirrels.
	Squirrels absolutely love pumpkins, so don't chuck yours away.
	Like, Squirrels are rats.
	Feed the rats.
	Wait, but not just squirrels, to be fair.
	Birds, hedgehogs, badgers, and foxes.
	Oh, let's feed all the rats.
	So let's have a rotting fruit.
	Hey, Beth, animals are losers, and the fact that you didn't give birth is a tragedy.
	And the kittens thing, you might as well be helping insects.
	Hey, there's 10 more flies alive thanks to me.
	Great work.
	Why don't you go save some fucking fish?
	Why not?
	Go save some minnows.
	Have a minnow feeder on the beach.
	All right, final example of this.
	And then we'll head to the paywall if we do like 37 more reads for Bet DSI.
	Anthony Bourdain.
	I've met Chelsea Peretti, not met Jordan Peel, met Jimmy Kimmel, not met Howard Stern, but I've met Anthony Bourdain.
	Fiery liberal.
	He wanted to cut Sarah Palin's skin off, if I recall, which I thought was a little harsh, but in New York City, that's the common vernacular from the left.
	In fact, I've had a lot of guys that I consider friends go, yeah, I know, Gavin, you think abortion is murder.
	So do I, and I'm for it.
	I know several different people who've said that.
	Of course, you can't argue that.
	You go, oh, okay, well, then my guess we're on the same page.
	So Anthony Bourdain has this wife, and he talks about her all the time, and then she dumps him, and he's fucking destroyed.
	She took AMA, and he would always talk about how my wife could kick your ass.
	Holy shit, you wouldn't last 10 seconds with my wife.
	And she dumps him.
	He's destitute, you know, emotionally.
	And then he gets Asia Argento, who's a Hollywood star.
	And she understands his crazy schedule.
	He's ecstatic.
	He's in heaven.
	I found the one.
	So he puts all his eggs in that basket, just like Kimmel, just like Peel, just like Stern.
	And he's a very happy man.
	And he's like, I don't care what she wants.
	If she wants to become a serial killer, I'm going to serial kill with her.
	And then she gets caught cheating.
	She's a fucking slut.
	She's a big part of me too.
	Meanwhile, she was fucking, she me too'd some underage boy.
	That's, I think that's one six.
	Yeah, she's all about, oh, it's so horrible the way successful, powerful, older people prey on the young.
	Except when I do it, of course.
	Then it's fun.
	So anyway, she gets photographed cheating with this reporter who was, it was probably basically prostitution, right?
	I'll fuck him and I'll get a good review.
	Asia was spotted back at home strolling around with a French reporter named Hugo Clement.
	Now, I thought Hugo was friends with Bourdain, but I'm not sure about that.
	And of course, the Italian photographer was blamed for this, but Anthony Bourdain saw it and killed himself.
	He put all his eggs in that basket.
	Anyway, I'll end this with, guys and ladies, your wife, your husband, is not your soulmate.
	That's lame.
	That's queer.
	She's not the one.
	Like, she's just a good partner that you love to be around and you build together.
	You build something wonderful.
	But you have a life too.
	You don't need her politics.
	My wife voted for Hillary.
	She's a liberal vegan.
	We have our own interests, our own books.
	You don't have to watch all your shows together.
	Naomi Schaefer-Reilly is one of my favorite authors.
	And she wrote an article about this saying, the secret to marriage is accepting that you two are different and they are separate human beings.
	Howard Stern, you don't give a fuck about cats.
	Jimmy Kimmel, you don't give a fuck about all these leftist bullshit.
	And Bourdain, you should have realized that you were dating a slut and she might cheat on you.
	And when she does, you just go fuck you, bitch.
	You don't rip your own fucking chest apart.
	How did he die anyway?
	Oh, I think he hanged himself.
	It's not hung himself.
	It's hanged himself.
	Anyway, that's my little moral absolution for the day.
	He did hanged.
	He did hang.
	In France.
	He did hanged in France.
	It was a le Hang.
	Long.
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	I do it with my kids all the time, but it's only interested in me if it's high risk.
	So I'll say, I'll bet you $100 you can't throw this baseball and knock over that bottle 20 yards away.
	But then they'll just keep doing it and doing it for days until they get it.
	and then I gotta give a little kid $100, which is stupid.
	You saw that, speaking of sports, you saw how Trump was received when he went to the LSU Alabama game?
	How was Trump received?
	It sounds like anal penetration.
	They seem pretty happy.
	They're pumped.
	I had an argument with that Norwegian I was hanging out with today was like, I think that he's a charlatan.
	He's just taking advantage of the rage industry and he's fooling everyone.
	No, that's who he is.
	He's funny.
	And he said, I've heard him say, threaten people at rallies and say, go punch him.
	Yeah, that was a joke where he said, I'll pay your court costs.
	Someone punches him in the nose.
	Home to mommy.
	I'll bail you out.
	Get your bail bud and get you a snack.
	Where do you want to go, champ?
	Sonics, they roller skate your meal to you.
	It's a great deal.
	I like when he said, Home to mommy, go home to mommy.
	Back to mommy's basement.
	And mommy's upset because she likes me.
	She probably likes me.
	She'd say, Why'd you do that?
	Yeah, it almost gets foreign when you get to his little asides.
	She likes me, so she said, What you doing?
	It's his own language.
	He says, He says, remember that guy was like, We love you.
	And he goes, I love you too.
	And he goes, Wait a minute.
	That's a guy.
	A guy said that.
	I don't get how people don't get that he's funny.
	By the way, speaking of Asia Argento being a kid fucker and somehow also getting away with pretending she's a victim and me too.
	Also, with the Me Too, wasn't there a story that she blew Harvey Weinstein for a role?
	Hmm.
	It's not exactly rape.
	Sounds like it's expensive prostitution to me.
	I'm not sure you deserve to be in the same boat as like Lauren Savon, who Harvey Weinstein beat off at.
	And getting good at it.
	I do as well.
	Yeah, that's my bad.
	But check out this horrible rapist, 1-6.
	No, 1-7.
	Married Oklahoma teacher and volleyball coach Joyce Churchwell, charged with first-degree rape.
	Churchwell sent nude pics and videos on Snapchat to a student.
	18, student went to Churchwell's home.
	They had a threesome with a woman who was a former school employee.
	What would you say she is out of 10?
	That?
	She's 40.
	I'm seeing not a lot of good stuff there.
	I'm saying a three or four.
	Let's go four.
	That's a 6.5, at least.
	Not at least, but about.
	Go to 1.8.
	There's another picture of her.
	Let's see this person here.
	Yeah, I mean, you got to remember she's 40.
	And a girl is 6.
	Anyway, so in that article, they say the age of consent in Oklahoma is 16.
	However, if the victim is between 16 and 20 years old and is a student and engages in sexual intercourse with a school system employee, it is defined as rape in state law.
	I mean, like, is that 18-year-old having nightmares about the horrible experience?
	About an ending?
	Yeah, probably.
	Now, if it's two male teachers.
	This is the problem with feminism, where we say women and men are the same thing.
	If two male teachers fucked an 18-year-old student, we should probably drag them behind horses to the town square, then put them on the stocks and throw glass bottles at their head until they smash.
	We'll borrow the bottles of piss from Antifa.
	But two sixes take the heat off an 18-year-old who's probably not getting it anywhere else because 18-year-old boys are insatiable horn dogs and 18-year-old girls aren't interested in getting fucked seven times a day?
	I don't know if it's the same.
	It's not the same.
	All right, we should take some calls.
	You know what would be fun?
	Why don't we take a couple calls outside of the paywall?
	Okay.
	This is a treat for y'all.
	a treat.
	I hear a lot of people cheering.
	Yeah, you know, I guess they're having fun.
	I think there's like 50 people at that office party.
	We should probably stop over.
	They're having a good time.
	We should ruin the party.
	Maybe I'm just an asshole.
	I'm just like that Jordan Peele character.
	Maybe Kean Peele character, I should say.
	Maybe every single person at that office party is having a fucking amazing time.
	And they can't believe how good Roy is at guitar.
	And wow, did he play some great hits?
	All right, so one of them just says grape.
	This could be rape.
	Hello?
	Hello.
	Hey, man.
	Hey, how you doing?
	Hey, how you doing?
	Good.
	Great Andrew WK impression, by the way.
	Thank you.
	So I was just calling about that annoying guy that called yesterday talking about the gripers.
	I'm not a griper.
	I don't really care about the movement or have any interest in being kind of irritated about these people that just like anytime, and like not,
	I mean like absolutely no anti-Semitism in what I'm about to say, but it's like anytime you get anywhere near being even okay with being like a white person or having any type of white pride or any type of white appreciation, all of a sudden you're put in this anti-Semitic, anti, you know, basically racist category.
	And it's just, I'm kind of getting sick of it.
	And it's like any time anybody goes near that perimeter, they just get shot down.
	So that's all I have got.
	Okay, yeah, that's totally valid.
	I mean, the Groipers keep coming up on this show on a regular basis, and the two sides seem to be, look, he's not just anti-immigration.
	He said he would be fine with white people coming.
	He just doesn't think it should be all Mexicans because they changed the demographics of the country.
	And he denied the Holocaust.
	They said someone called in about 6 million Jews and he said more like 350,000, but they used a cookie analogy and that's Holocaust denial.
	And he thinks race mixing is gross.
	He's against it.
	So that's one side.
	The other side is, no, he's concerned with what the Dems are doing with open borders and they're changing the demographics and they're doing it for votes.
	They don't care about Hispanics.
	So we're onto them for that.
	I don't think we should be funding Israel $3.5 billion.
	This isn't me talking, by the way.
	I'm a Zionist.
	But he thinks that we shouldn't be funding Israel.
	The Holocaust thing was a joke that was said once on the phone.
	Race mixing thing, I was talking about this today.
	I'm obviously a race mixer, but I don't give a fuck what people think about that.
	Like, I think it's funny if they're against it.
	It doesn't keep me up at night.
	I mean, I understand you don't want someone to have an ism, a bigotry.
	If they're a lawmaker, it could affect society.
	But why do you care?
	Like, why do we care what Richard Spencer believes?
	How does that affect us on a day-to-day basis?
	So as far as the groipers go, I don't Understand, I'm a little dubious of the fear.
	Why are they such a threat?
	Are they making policies?
	They're 20 years old.
	Is maybe the fear that they're effective and interesting and red-pilling people that seems to make a lot more sense.
	Was Nick Fuentes booted off of YouTube because he had said something wrong or because people were listening to him?
	All right, we'll take one more call before we go behind the wall.
	Behind the wall.
	We got Shannon.
	Shannon.
	Hi, Shannon Shannon.
	What's Fannin?
	Jim Fannin.
	Hey, Ryan.
	Hello.
	Shut up.
	You don't have a dad.
	Could the both of you, I love you both, man.
	Could you both look up NPD and start to deal with the inability to take responsibility for your actions or apologize?
	Dude, the video that you guys made of the vice chick doing stand-up, I had to go see the raw data.
	So I went over.
	And in the comments section, I just put Gavin sent me.
	And an account responds.
	Claudia, she's got a nice avatar.
	And that was my mother's name.
	So I got a sweet spot for her.
	Anyways, she says a fellow Gavin fan.
	So I'm like, yeah, you know, not too many women here expect to be Gavin fans.
	Anyways, the next thing you know, we're on the phone, like on the regular.
	I'm talking about you and stuff and all the kind of stuff.
	And I know it's only been like a week or two, but we're getting married.
	And I want you to officiate.
	I want Ryan to be the flower girl in Trump character.
	And even though I've never met this woman, I know nothing about her.
	She knows everything about me.
	I mean, my life is online, right?
	But all I know is this, well, she said Hollywood shot or whatever, this beauty shot.
	But because I'm a pathetic human being and I so need this, or we're going to get married.
	But if she goes sideways and the answer can't be sit in a bar at happy hour, how do I fill the pipeline with prospects or candidates just in case?
	I think there's no chance it could go sideways.
	You don't get to say, can you officiate the wedding and come to it?
	And then also ask for relationship advice post-breakup.
	We would love to come to your wedding.
	I would love to officiate it, but the call ends there.
	I mean, you should be grateful that we're willing to trek out wherever the fuck you are, Winnipeg or some shit, and go marry you.
	But I'm happy to do that.
	I'll officiate the wedding.
	Ryan will be there in character.
	Thank you so much for calling.
	What an absolute pleasure that was.
	I'm not fucking officiating his wedding.
	I think you'll hear this.
	Did he accuse me of having multiple personality disorder?
	I don't know.
	Or I'm just an asshole.
	I mean, it's kind of simple.
	All right.
	We're going to wrap it up now.
	Again, I'd like to remind you how important it is to check out johnnyapplescbd.com.
	j-acbd.com.
	I mean, I've told you that I like the gummies.
	They take the edge off.
	I've told you that the CBD, the ointment helps me recover from my workouts.
	I bring it to the gym.
	Guys try it there.
	I told you to use promo code Gavin.
	I think we're all on the same page.
	I think we all agree, right?
	JACBD.com is the place to go to use promo code Gavin.
	All right.
	We're now going to continue taking calls, but they'll be behind the paywall.
	We're also going to be showing sketches, other sketches we've shot that are even funnier than how to box.
	And I will end this free thing with get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	I need those notes.
	I need those notes.
	It's still going.
	Yep.
	We should crash it.
	We should film it.
	People are worried about being on camera.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's right.
	Is it beer o'clock for you?
	Yeah.
	I'll grab one.
	I want to take a call in the meantime, Mike?
	Yeah.
	Hey, Mike, how you doing?
	Please don't have seven parts.
	Right on, Vac.
	Foc.
	Hey, so the dictator earlier on this week, he touched on a subject that I feel like nobody else is talking about but you and maybe one other person.
	But all of them were great.
	Thank you.
	But the bands and bars thing is one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves.
	I'm from Nashville originally from Nashville, Tennessee.
	So back in the day when I used to bartend, when we would, you know, all of us bartenders and servers and everything, we'd go out afterwards.
	In Nashville, it's nothing but fucking songwriters everywhere in every fucking bar.
	Once you get done with a shift of people getting drunk and stuff, you want to go just to have some beers and like cool off in a quiet bar, you know, and talk about the day and just shoot the shit.
	But then you go to these fucking bars and there's all these fucking songwriters coming up on stage singing their shitty songs that are never going anywhere.
	And you can't even fucking talk.
	You can't even hear yourself talk.
	And then you're like, okay, let's go to another bar.
	You go to another bar and they're playing like trap music.
	And you can't, you're just like, fuck.
	Can't go somewhere and just have a beer and talk?
	You're a bartender, so you're getting screamed at all night.
	Fuck a tonic.
	Yeah.
	No, Stolly, Stolly's, yeah, yeah.
	Yell, yell, yell, in your face, in your face.
	You finally finished.
	You got some tip money.
	You go, wow.
	And being a bartender is fucking stressful.
	It's really intense.
	So you think, let's relax, open a beer, just like everyone else does when they're done a day at work.
	And then you get yelled at from the place you go to.
	it's so fucking loud.
	Like, maybe someone piddling away on a little acoustic guitar in the corner.
	And if you did, like, I had a Christmas party this year, and we had a woman playing the violin and a guy playing the guitar.
	I know this sounds like I'm contradicting myself.
	They were playing like pogues type of music.
	But if you weren't in the dining room, you didn't hear them.
	And they said, you know, we should probably bring an amp, set up our amp, because if people aren't in the dining room, they're not going to hear it.
	So they go, that's the plan, dude.
	When people come in to get a drink or a little cheese blints, then they'll hear you.
	And if they're interested, they can stick around.
	If not, you're not wrecking the party.
	But all this live music does is wreck the fucking party.
	And you're lucky you're in Nashville, by the way, because you know what we get in New York?
	Covers.
	We get Bruce Springsteen and Bye-bye, Miss American Pie.
	It's astounding that anyone thinks anyone wants to hear that.
	No, trust me, it's way worse, dude.
	It is, they're singing songs.
	They're like, first of all, before they even start the song, they'll tell a whole story of the song.
	So it's like, yeah, before we start this next song, this song really holds true to my heart.
	About five years ago, and it'll go on for fucking 20 minutes before they even fucking start the song.
	And the story isn't that time.
	The story isn't that time we robbed a bank and then we were on the lamb for three years and then my buddy got shot by the cops, but we killed a cop.
	No, it's always like we had two dogs.
	We lived with me and my sister our whole life.
	And then when the first one died, we thought the second one might last, but the second one died within a week.
	And you're like, I don't fucking care.
	See, the reason I'm upset is because I couldn't do it myself.
	Dude, the other thing, too, is a lot of people from all over the place go there to get their break.
	So they have this just desperation reeking all over them.
	It's like actors in the world.
	Let me tell you something right now.
	Anybody going to Nashville right now to be a star, you're not going to make it.
	Sorry, dude.
	Unless you're fucking amazing.
	Yeah.
	And I'd also like all actors heading to LA to know the same thing.
	Dude, what's your name?
	Mike.
	Mike, you just won the Johnny Apple CBD Super PAC.
	And I don't mean a political group.
	You got a fucking way.
	Oh, my God.
	You got the gummies.
	You got the cookie.
	You got the CBD ointment.
	You got everything.
	And it's going to be shipped to you for free because you just won our weekly contest because that call was so good.
	Well, I'm not sucking anybody off.
	You already won, dude.
	You'd be a fool to keep...
	When the customer says yes, stop selling.
	Well, I mean, I'm not arguing.
	I mean, if you wanted to.
	He's offering a suck job.
	Just the tip.
	Congrats.
	So you have his number, Ryan?
	I got all your info just to make sure it starts with 615, correct?
	That is correct.
	All right.
	I will text you after the show.
	Congrats.
	Okay, love you.
	By the way, I'd like to add to his no live music.
	No TVs.
	I mean, I guess if it's the game and the Mets are playing the Braves or spring training just started, maybe.
	If it's a game.
	But even then, I don't know.
	But outside of the game, there's zero argument.
	Half the time, especially in the day, you go to a bar and it's just like a soap opera or soccer or some shit.
	They just feel like, well, the TV has to be on.
	So it's some Chia Pet commercial.
	And you're like, get this off of here.
	No music, no jukeboxes.
	I don't want any music at all.
	And this one's a little more controversial.
	No women.
	Where's the controversial part?
	Good.
	Now, if I were to open a bar, I did have a bar through Vice.
	We had the old blue last.
	And I guess my restaurant had a bar.
	But if I was to open a real bar, I've always had the same plan.
	It's called Homos, and the logo is a gay dude with his arms crossed like this and a big handlebar mustache.
	So it looks like a gay bar, but no gays are allowed.
	And not because I have a problem with gays, just because it's funny to call a bar Homos and then have, and then every time a gay comes up, you go, what are you doing here?
	It's like naming a bar raccoons.
	We don't serve raccoons here.
	And the other thing at my bar would be all the cups are random sizes.
	So you might order like a maker's mark on the rocks, and then we bring it out in a lasagna dish, and it's 76 bucks.
	And you're like, I don't want this much.
	Like, that's it.
	Or it might be a thimble.
	And we'll go, there's your maker's mark.
	You owe me four cents.
	That's fun.
	And it's only open on days that people don't want to go, like Christmas, Sunday mornings.
	And then anyway, among the other awesome things about Homos is the woman's bathroom, the men's bathroom is just a trough.
	In fact, you can piss at the bar.
	Like I've seen this in Mexico.
	There's a sort of a long porcelain thing there where you can piss at while you're at the bar.
	I have, of course, have done this when there's no porcelain thing and just pissed.
	One time I pissed on it.
	I was pissing at the bar.
	I looked down and I was pissing on a chick's leg and she noticed and her boyfriend went, what the fuck?
	And luckily it was so packed that I just went, zoop.
	And then like a little, I'm all right, like the hedgehog in Caddyshack, I just burrowed through everyone's legs and no one could find me.
	And then I was out the door and I never saw them again.
	That's really great.
	But anyway, the woman's bathroom at Homo's, you have to go down the stairs, right?
	Down a long corridor that's really brightly lit.
	Ah, shit, it's freezing.
	There's like water dripping.
	Then you go back up some other stairs.
	I have to make sure no one gets raped.
	I never thought of that.
	And then the bathroom itself is there.
	It's available for you.
	I'm following the law.
	But I have it at like 35 degrees.
	So it's just a fucking ice chest.
	In fact, we could probably store some kegs there.
	That is my idea of a...
	And I walk in there.
	This guy's smoking.
	It's all low tables and little benches.
	Zero TVs, zero music, zero women, smoky pints, men in suits, tweed suits, working-class guys with threadbare elbows from working all day, but they still had self-respect, so they had a suit on.
	Just tipping.
	Some weren't even talking.
	Many weren't even talking.
	And I was just like, wait, if this is here, what's in heaven?
	I saw some pretty girls at the bar the other day at, we'll call it City Bar.
	And I was just like, why aren't these wearing burkas?
	Now I'm going to be thinking about fucking you for 24 hours.
	Get them out of here.
	They're day ruiners.
	I'm married.
	I'm not interested.
	As what's his name that Ronnie Chang says.
	You get in my finger and it's like, fuck off.
	Fuck you.
	Fuck off.
	I don't have time for this shit.
	Fuck you.
	They're like pop-up ads.
	You're just like, I don't want to see you.
	Get the fuck out of here.
	I have worked with you.
	I want to see your girl.
	I feel the same way about women post-marriage that I felt when I was 10.
	Why are you here?
	You don't want to play with Star Wars figures.
	You're a girl.
	We got Chad offering some words of comfort because I need them.
	Hello?
	Hello.
	Hi.
	Oh, hey, what's up, guys?
	Yeah, it's High Top David.
	Not Chad.
	It's me again.
	Yeah, so real quick before I do that, I just wanted to let you guys know, did you know that Seth Myers and Rihanna were in the bar that you did the Denesta Souza interview thing with?
	Like, they did a whole video in there.
	Yeah, he rents out that place quite a bit.
	Yeah, you can do a whole thing where Rihanna asks a question behind the bar and then Danes D'Souza answers like if he was a toad.
	So there's a lot of potential there.
	Well, that's a great idea, but that doesn't look like the bar.
	That's not the bar.
	No.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, and then another thing is just real quick.
	The Revenge of the Sith faggot that you went in on made some atrocious, blasphemous video called Gavin McKinnis Does Not Like Us.
	And they say some really fucked up shit at 445, maybe 40, 445.
	445.
	One of their fifth.
	Around like 445.
	And what do they say?
	They say some really atrocious shit.
	They blame you.
	Oh my God.
	They say some shit like, all my supporters tonight are going home to their families, but Gavin McKinnis' supporters are going to jail for 10 years because he's a fucking this and a fucking that.
	And I was like, whoa, yes, this is some bullshit.
	That's why they were arrested.
	Nothing new.
	Yeah, and then also there's this Civil War II thing happening in Virginia on Monday.
	Basically, they're manufacturing this whole shootout thing between the government and the gun supporters in Virginia on the 20th.
	I think that's Monday.
	They're Tuesday.
	You got quite a laundry list of things to cover on this call.
	I know.
	And it started off with me wanting to talk to Ryan because I had a whole thing for Ryan because I was just getting worried about him because he seemed kind of depressed over the last month.
	You know, I've been watching this show for a while and I've been changing your mood.
	I appreciate that.
	No, that was over the holiday thing.
	I don't know what was going on, but thanks for the...
	I appreciate that.
	Before the holidays, yeah, I don't know what it was.
	Maybe it's because you flew to Japan to see, I mean, California to see your deadbeat nip dad.
	Yeah, maybe.
	spent a fortune.
	Well, I had fun out there, but it was...
	In a car, though.
	His dad abandoned him, so he goes, hmm, what should I do at Christmas?
	I know I'll blow $650 going to visit him.
	Meanwhile, he's like, oh, Ryan, maybe you go over there and drive around.
	That'd be something, nothing wrong with that.
	Maybe you could just keep driving and driving.
	Maybe keep driving until you get back to New York.
	Do what half a boomerang does.
	Mother Nature's hella pissed.
	That was hella loud and redundant.
	Normally, Asians, they raise their kids, even the dad.
	Yeah.
	Thanks for calling, buddy.
	That was gorgeous.
	Gorgeous.
	Frank.
	You know what I think is going to happen in Virginia?
	The same thing that happened with the Bundies.
	Building up, building up, building up.
	And then the government sees that the guys that they want to fuck with are armed, and they get a call.
	Back down.
	Fuck it.
	When people aren't armed, like Occupy Wall Street, the authorities just walk in, pepper spray everyone, throw them in jail.
	Nice try, dickheads.
	But when they're armed, the government goes, oh yeah, you can't fuck with us.
	And then it comes right down to barrel versus barrel, and they go, all right, fuck it.
	I don't want to be the politician who led to the great massacre of Virginia.
	So they'll pussy out.
	And there's a moral there, folks.
	Annie, get your guns.
	We got Michael.
	Michael.
	Hey, what's up, Gavin?
	What's going on, SA?
	Hey, SA, man.
	Are you stone, man?
	Hey, little spooky out here.
	Hey, what's up, Chino?
	What's up, Ryan?
	You're doing a good job.
	Keep dipping, man.
	Don't worry about the white man keeping you down.
	I think this is got some Labrador in it.
	You know, I took your advice.
	I got red pill a long time ago and, you know, and I got in trouble at work, took Gavin's advice.
	I was brave, you know, and I got fired.
	And me and my wife would never stop fighting, you know, like you said.
	Yeah, well, thanks.
	Thanks for taking my advice.
	It's not good.
	Anyways, so my topic was the red tail thing that I called in about.
	And my dad's from Ecuador.
	I'm out here in LA.
	And I was talking with them about different things about Trump over the holidays, which you advised not to do.
	But they brought it up.
	So I started talking about it.
	And I was telling them about, we were talking about immigration and all that.
	And Trump's a racist or whatever and this and that.
	And then I was talking about the situation in Ecuador, which nobody's really familiar with.
	It's a lot of the Venezuelans that are leaving Venezuela are going over there.
	And even the Colombi, they had a big Colombian wave.
	Sorry, that's the helicopters that are passing by.
	This is LA, if you can hear that.
	No.
	Yeah, the ghetto birds are real.
	Oh, sorry.
	But they were talking about the Colombians were even pro the Colombians in Ecuador were protesting the Venezuelans that were coming over.
	The illegals.
	A lot of the illegals.
	The Colombians that were illegal in Ecuador were protesting like, hey, like, this isn't your land to rob and steal in.
	This is our, you know, this is our list.
	So even the Colombians that are there illegally were protesting against the Venezuelans.
	The Colombians are.
	Yeah, yeah, exactly.
	So I was telling them, and so my uncles and them were like, yeah, but you know, basically the same thing that I think Jared Taylor was telling Jorge Ramos on that show, like when it comes to America, it's everything's, you know, everything, it's a full go.
	But when it comes to your country, whether it's Mexico or whatever, it's like, oh, that's off-limits.
	Mexico has to stay Mexico.
	Ecuador has to stay Ecuador.
	And that's the big mentality of a lot of Hispanics out here.
	Like even the Honduran people that are crossing into Guatemala, they're getting chased out.
	It just came out, I think, this week, a video somewhere.
	I saw it somewhere on one of my posts, one of my feeds.
	So when it's, you know, when it's their home country, it's off limits.
	But America is a free-for-all.
	There's no rules.
	There's no anything.
	And I wanted to get your take on that.
	I'm so interested in that.
	I emailed you that with Jonathan Miranda if you wanted to get involved.
	But we got a lot of buddies out here in LA that can help them out.
	So you can help them.
	Yeah, that's not just true with immigration in America.
	It's true with everything in America.
	I mean, we have the UN appointing Saudi Arabia to handle their human rights cases.
	And even right before Soleimani was killed, we had Iran chastising us for our horrible racist ways.
	Fucking Iran.
	So we are the shitting pot of the entire world where they can just say America is evil, America's done anything wrong, while clawing through piles of bodies just to get over here because they want to hang out so bad.
	And I think the beauty of Trump is he said, yeah, we're not doing that anymore.
	I'm not ashamed of this country and what we do, and I'm not taking your relentless criticism.
	But it's funny that you talk about the Ecuadorian because I always said it's good to travel.
	We have to start talking to other people and communicate more because it gives you perspective.
	And when you travel or even just talk to people from other countries, you realize that everyone is talking about illegal immigrants.
	Everyone is pissed off.
	Jamaicans are pissed off about Haitians coming in.
	This is not a racist subject.
	It's a ubiquitous subject that is every nation's concern.
	Go ahead.
	Can you hear me?
	Yep.
	Well, you know, you guys had that guy that called in last week about, he talked about the Dominican guys being kind of low-key MAGA.
	Dude, there's a lot of people like in South America that are really low-key MA, especially out here in L.A., that aren't Mexican.
	There's a lot of them out here because they know that they want to keep the sovereignty and they want to keep their country, their country.
	America does more for any other country than any of these countries.
	So it doesn't make a lot of sense for the agenda, whatever the liberal agenda is out here that brainwashes everybody out here with Univision and Telemundo.
	Yeah, they're also Christian and they get all this social justice shit about drag queens and how important it is for 10-year-olds to know about sex.
	And they go, nah, we're not doing it.
	Thanks for calling, dude.
	Always good to talk to my little essay.
	Last thing, Gavin?
	Sorry, last thing?
	Can I add one more thing?
	Yeah, sure.
	If there's anything that's the most homophobic race, it's a Hispanic race.
	And I know that for a fact.
	That's the truth.
	Maricon.
	I'm going to let you guys go.
	Thank you, guys, man.
	Maricon, there you go.
	Have a good time, guys.
	Mikey.
	Actually, we got a Mikey coming up.
	Okay.
	Mikey!
	Hello?
	Hello?
	This is our third Mike today.
	What's going on, Mikey?
	Oh, y'all hear me?
	Yep.
	Hello?
	Your connection sucks a ball and dick and butt.
	Is it better?
	A little bit.
	You just keep talking so we can say what you need to do.
	Okay, all right.
	All right.
	Alright, so I called in about Red Eye.
	Do you got anything you can spill on it?
	You talk weird, first of all.
	You sound like you wrote that backwards, and then you said it backwards, and then just played it in reverse.
	Hey, man.
	I just started reading your book yesterday, so it's kind of weird talking to the person whose book you just started reading.
	Are you high on marijuana?
	Not like not to where it would impair me.
	I mean, I don't think that's up to you.
	I worked on Johnny Apple C V using promo code GAVIN.
	Yeah, so to answer your question, Red Eye was a show I worked at for, I worked at Fox News for eight years.
	They kept saying they're going to make me a contributor, which is the sweetest plum.
	You get like 60 grand a year.
	And it's not your only job.
	You can still have other jobs, and you do two or three shows a week, and it's fucking awesome.
	And I thought after eight years, it's time to make me a contributor.
	It's time to give me a regular annual salary.
	And they kept saying, hold on, hold on, hold on.
	And then Greg kept saying, you're going to host Red Eye.
	You're going to host Red Eye.
	You're going to host Red Eye.
	Then he gave it to Tom Shalou, and that pissed me off.
	And he goes, yeah, but I got my own show coming.
	I thought, all right, if I get a gig at his new show, I won't be such a Suck.
	But then he hired the grape ape Tyrus, who I don't even think is black, by the way.
	So don't make the ape thing racist.
	He looks like that cartoon.
	And I was just like, what the fuck have you done?
	You hired him because, why?
	He seems ethnic.
	He's a bore, and you guys have zero rapport.
	He's not interesting.
	Everyone I know hates the fucking guy because he's such a useless tool.
	He never says anything of consequence.
	He's a liberal, too.
	And I thought, the reason that really pissed me off and I never spoke to Greg again is partly because I was bitter and jealous and a hater, as Tyrus said, which was accurate.
	But also because the reason Greg Gutfeld got a gig at Fox is because Breitbart said, hey, man, I know this guy's an editor at Blender, of all things, but I think he'd be really good here at Fox News.
	And so they said, okay, we trust you, Andrew.
	And they took a chance on Greg, and it turned out great for them.
	Greg felt the exact same way about me, but because I'm controversial, as Greg was, by the way, he had been fired from Blender for bringing midgets to an awards ceremony, he thought, I'm not going to take that risk.
	So even though Breitbart stuck his neck out for me, for Greg, Greg couldn't do the same.
	And I just thought, you're a phony fucking little bitch with no balls.
	And you're just like everyone else, you know, in Hollywood and at Fox News.
	And I burnt that bridge.
	But could have been great.
	Was there any footage of that midget thing?
	I don't think so.
	Does that answer your question?
	Yeah, man.
	You really, like, I binged a whole lot of it on some playlist on YouTube the other day, and I was just laughing because I was like, oh, my God, like, this shit was on TV one day?
	Like, what is TV?
	Like, it's just, like, this would never be on TV nowadays.
	And you would go do a whole character, have like four or three characters.
	Everybody else kind of just sits there, sits around.
	Everybody else is so dull.
	And then, yeah, so for you not getting promoted.
	And they really shifted you there.
	Well, thanks for taking my call.
	No problem, buddy.
	Thanks for calling.
	Those kind of calls, we can sort of cut them right a little sooner than that.
	We don't need the final wrap-up.
	But yeah, you know, and the other thing was Greg's whole persona was based on Red Eye.
	I'm the crazy guy.
	I'm the out there guy.
	And then he goes, I'm not fucking helping Gavin get a gig.
	He's too out there.
	What?
	It's sort of like with Opie and Anthony.
	Anthony came along and he gave that show substance because Opie was just a rich kid who went right from radio broadcasting school to radio broadcasting.
	So he had no color to him.
	Then Kumia comes along.
	He's a tin knocker and he's got all this culture with him.
	And so they ride that wave and they become sort of like the alternative blue-collar shock jocks.
	And then when Anthony gets fired, the blue-collar thing to do is to call the guy and go, this is so fucked up, let's burn the place down.
	But what does he do?
	He just becomes a Greg Gutfeld and goes, I don't want to get involved.
	Too risky.
	And, you know, that would be okay if it was Liberace or someone like Robert Downey Jr.
	But the fact that Opie had gotten all of this currency, both literal currency and cultural currency, based on blue-collar buds, and the second the shit hits the fan, he's just like, no, thanks.
	That was what was really galling about the whole thing.
	Okay, we got.
	This is Jay's.
	This is Jay?
	Justin.
	Oh, hello.
	Hello.
	I just want to see how the Gavin McKinnon impression is doing.
	If you've been improving on the minutiae of it, Ryan?
	I'm still only just one tone of Gavin's spectrum of the way he talks.
	It's really hard to find the other tones.
	It's all I can do either.
	Well, it's hard because you have, you know, liberals over here.
	No, I can't do it.
	I can't even pretend to venture outside of that.
	All you guys can do is my high pitch when I'm going, what are they even talking about?
	Well, it's almost like the condescending explaining something.
	Like, when millennials do this, they make me pissed off.
	And it's not awesome.
	I don't have the angry Gav.
	I don't have the astute, fiercely, you know, confidently blazing a new path that nobody else has come yet.
	You're being so uninteresting with your try casting here that you're talking and people are just seeing me going.
	Oh, yeah, I could widen it up.
	I wish though for the call, when they're talking, the wide shot's kind of better because it's like.
	Sure.
	So I'll add a little more of that.
	Maybe we should add a mirror to that wall at an angle so people can see your stupid face.
	I have another weird idea.
	We put green screen on the wall so that we can just mess around with it.
	We could have video elements going on there.
	Nope.
	Terrible idea.
	Okay.
	Frankly.
	Anything else, sir?
	No, we're not doing anything else.
	I'm sorry, part.
	Next caller.
	Richard.
	Richard.
	Hi, guys.
	Gavin?
	Yeah.
	You got to stay away from Nick Fuentes.
	He's bad business.
	I just feel my gut.
	Just not.
	You shouldn't deal with him.
	He's a serpent.
	He's a parasite on the underbelly of the whole Trump movement.
	He's just a fleck of nothing, and you shouldn't give him any greetings.
	Would you cancel your subscription if he became a subscriber?
	Or a subscriber?
	No.
	I mean, sorry.
	I just wouldn't watch a show.
	A contributor.
	No.
	I just wouldn't watch a show.
	Right.
	You shouldn't get involved with that guy.
	He's just, he's not.
	If I may, is it such a big deal?
	Like, everybody's concerned about him because it looks like he's now becoming the face of the right, like he's dominating what the left thinks of the right or something?
	Well, that's a problem, though.
	No, you guys shouldn't give him any gusto.
	You guys shouldn't be talking about him being on your show and being the next Spearhead of the new right.
	Well, aren't you talking about him right now?
	Yeah, it's hard not to mention him.
	I'm telling you guys not to, you know, make him a big deal or anything.
	I don't think we are.
	But, anyways, I'm not really good at giving out my opinion on the spot right here, but I just have a bad feeling about him.
	And can I go to my next topic?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So let's talk about grading women in the screener.
	And I think you could learn a lot about, or not learn a lot, but you guys should base grading women off how third-party grading systems or grading companies grade coins.
	Are you interested?
	How?
	No?
	No, wait.
	Okay, wait.
	How do they grade coins?
	Like, why does everyone want to reinvent the 1 to 10, especially when we add decimal places?
	I'm not reinventing the 1 to 10.
	I'm just saying that when they grade coins, they give it a scale of 0 to 70.
	I'm not saying you change the 1 to 10 or anything, but let's say they're grading a coin that was minted just yesterday and looks beautiful, but there's a big scratch on the face of it.
	They would not grade that coin.
	They would say that that coin has, say, uncirculated detail, but it has a big scratch on it.
	And I think when it comes to women, that could be like a beautiful woman, but she's in a wheelchair or something.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	They're beautiful.
	No, thank you.
	They're not involved in the grading service.
	No, thank you.
	No?
	No.
	If there's a supermodel in a wheelchair, then she's a three, maybe a four.
	She can't be more than a six if she has Grover legs.
	Doesn't it seem not fair, though, that she's involved in the grading process because she has a disadvantage, though?
	Yeah, that's why women bawl their eyes out when they get in car accidents and become paralyzed for life.
	We need all the information out there in the front.
	The idea of a supermodel and we don't find out that they're in a wheelchair until after is unacceptable.
	But thank you for your call.
	I think the more you analyze this, the more you'll realize that the 1 to 10 is all we need, especially when I've even had things that are like a 5.65.
	Not quite a 6.6.
	We got a Shane Smith.
	No, wait, 6.7.
	Sheen Smith Broiler.
	Okay.
	Hey, what's up?
	Hey.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Hello.
	Hey, about the Gripers.
	I don't know why I came as Broiler.
	I don't know what the fuck that's all about.
	But the Gripers, man, that dude just reeks of anti-Semitism.
	And the whole race mixing thing just seems like kind of a weird, racist kind of thing.
	I mean, I get that it's going to be 50-50 with your listeners.
	Some guys are going to say, oh, whatever their normal paleocons, but I don't see that being that much of a traditional value because, I mean, it says that in the 30s and 40s, there's, you know, that's really what the paleocons are trying to achieve, 30s and 40s type of society.
	But, I mean, I'm sure that there was, I mean, probably not amongst the blacks and whites, but there was race mixing going on, especially between probably Jews and Gentiles.
	Okay.
	And that dude just kind of reeks of anti-Semitism.
	I watched him on Milo's show when Milo shut his fucking mouth and let the guy talk.
	And it's just, he just seems kind of, I don't know, he stinks of some sort of anti-Semitic and racist thing.
	I think your guest that you had on your show yesterday, was it yesterday or the day before?
	Ron Coleman.
	Yeah, Ron Coleman.
	I think he hit the nail on the head, man.
	He is an anti-Semite.
	He's probably more tolerable of an anti-Semite, like he said, from the right, but I just, the dude just kind of sucks.
	So it'd be shitty to see him get a show on your network.
	I wouldn't quit because I can't get enough of the Gav when you don't have a show on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.
	I just go to fucking YouTube and watch you guys.
	And Ryan is the shit.
	All right.
	Well, thank you very much for calling.
	A lot of input.
	A lot of Groiper talk.
	A lot of racial shit this year.
	A lot of shit.
	A lot of Groiper talk.
	Okay, we're running out of time here, coming to the end.
	I want to wash this blood off my face.
	Speaking of blood, we got Mark with hemorrhoids.
	Okay.
	Hello there.
	Hello.
	Greetings.
	Recently, 30, after 15 years of boozing, I've developed hemorrhoids.
	Now after shit, it looks like a Jackson Pollock painting.
	I wet my ass.
	Yep.
	I have a bit of an artistic temperament, which helps.
	But I'm wondering, in your legally binding medical opinion, how long can I keep drinking and ride out this bloody poop shoot?
	How old are you?
	30.
	What do you drink a day?
	I drink vodka.
	I drink probably four or five two-ounce glasses of vodka.
	Why don't you put on a little dress and swish around for us, you big girl?
	That's a perfectly normal amount.
	Hemorrhoids are no big deal.
	I have hemorrhoids probably about 20% of the year, and they go away.
	You just got to take it easy.
	When they're at their peak, it really sucks.
	I find Preparation H or any of that shit doesn't really help.
	But you're good, buddy.
	Hang in there.
	All right.
	Cool.
	Right on.
	Thanks for calling.
	Next, let's start powering through these.
	Connor.
	Oh, wait, hold on.
	Connor.
	Think slow.
	Connor.
	Oh, Gavin, do I got one for you?
	And what's up, guys?
	I just got to say, I took your advice about three years ago about standing your ground in class.
	I was taking a comparative religion class in college, and I had a teacher who made me go to a mosque, you know, against my will and all this type of stuff.
	But in class, there was a girl giving a presentation about Islam.
	And it Came to me to think, to say to my teacher, hey, why do all these women dress in polyester black in the Middle East heat?
	And he freaked the fuck out.
	Was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, why are you being so racist?
	Really?
	Dude, chill.
	Like, yeah, it was a big deal because I actually got a letter grade.
	I'm keen to think I got a letter grade down because I got an A minus in that class, but I got a B minus instead.
	And I actually went back.
	I took the final.
	I knew I got an A in the final.
	I went back because I knew that the guy was going to fuck me because I said that thing in class because I was always pressing him on Islam.
	And I ended up getting a B minus when I actually looked at the test before.
	I mean, I know this stuff, but I know I got the right answers.
	So I basically got a B minus instead of A minus because I said what he said, but I don't regret it.
	It was funny as shit.
	And everyone got a kick at it except for the libs.
	And isn't it interesting, too, that you didn't say proof that Islam is sexist is the fact that it's not flowing cotton gauze and it's black polyester.
	You didn't say that.
	You asked a question.
	So now you're in a learning institution that's not meant to be a madrasa.
	It's supposed to be a Western college.
	You ask a question and you're penalized.
	Exactly.
	And the guy went on a tangent.
	He's like, oh, but look at Saudi Arabia.
	They're wearing flowing white silk.
	I'm like, no, they're not, actually.
	In Persia, they're only allowed to wear green because they're Shia.
	And other than that, if you're not wearing a fucking hijab, you're going to get whipped like a bitch because they fucking treat women like dogs over there.
	And I had a buddy in the Marines who just got back from Afghanistan.
	They had a pet dog over at a base.
	And the Afghanis would just beat the shit out of them because they treat animals like shit.
	And now I got these fucking kids around my neighborhood who are throwing rocks at my dog because, you know, they don't give a shit about animals.
	I know they don't like animals, but I mean, it's fucking weird, man.
	Gotta say.
	So they're Middle Eastern, the kids throwing rocks at your dogs?
	No, I grew up in a white neighborhood.
	I'm not like a groiper or anything.
	I think Next Funtes, I mean, it seems like the top.
	No, no.
	Who's throwing rocks at your dogs?
	Yeah, it's just Indian kids and Asians.
	You know, Asians eat dogs.
	No offense, Ryan.
	No, whatever.
	They're tasty.
	But yeah, we actually have cameras now because, you know, people would come to my house and they'd be like, yeah, these kids keep throwing rocks at your dogs, you know.
	But yeah.
	Yeah, the white silk thing is bullshit.
	That's for the billionaires.
	And at the end of the day, they're all fucking wearing black polyester and the heat is unbearable and their suicide rate is intense because their lives are fucking hell.
	But thanks for calling.
	That's fascinating that you're now getting penalized for questions in college.
	We got Diego marriage planning in six months.
	Hello, Diego.
	Hey, how's it going, Gavin?
	Hey, bro.
	Hey, so, by the way, it's NPD.
	N-O-N-P-D, narcissistic personality disorder.
	Anyway, I just wanted to say that.
	But yeah, so I met with this girl on Catholic match back in June, and we're trying to do a long distance thing, but basically, after meeting up a bunch of times, we actually want to get married now.
	And I'm trying to do it like before December by the end of the year.
	Do you have any tips?
	You know, how to plan a marriage essentially in like six months?
	Yeah.
	Number one, this is all up to the chick.
	It's not your problem.
	This is her big day.
	You just sit there and say yes the whole time.
	I don't know if it's her father supposed to pay.
	So if that's the case, then just mind your own business.
	But if you're paying, then you want to rein it in.
	But here's the deal with the invite list.
	Do not go bananas on that.
	Each person ends up costing like 50 bucks.
	So you can get into the tens of thousands in no time.
	Don't invite everyone at work and all that.
	Here's how you know what guys to invite on your list.
	If I were to call you and go, hey man, I got to go buy pants.
	You want to come?
	And if the person on the line would go, what?
	Yeah, pants.
	I'm going to go to J. Crew.
	Maybe see if I can get some light blue pants.
	No.
	If that sounds crazy to the person on the phone, then don't go with them.
	Now, a less severe one is, hey, man, I'm near your house.
	I want to get a beer.
	If that would be remotely weird to that person, then don't invite them to your wedding.
	You get me?
	Yeah, yeah.
	No, because I mean, I got a bunch of dudes who are like just nuts, and I'd love for them to go.
	I think, like, I could only invite like maybe 20 of them.
	Would all of those guys be happy to buy pants?
	Like, think about Hodge, Ryan.
	If I called Hodge and said, hey, man, I'm nearby.
	I want to go buy pants.
	He'd go, what?
	I don't understand.
	If I said to you, I got to go to J. Crew to get pants.
	Can you come?
	You'd be like, all right.
	I'd go.
	Come along.
	It's got to be pants level, not beer level, pants level.
	Right.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Because they got to buy the pants.
	They got to do all that stuff.
	And it's gay and stupid and boring.
	But when you're that close with someone, you do gay, stupid, boring shit.
	Right.
	All right.
	Well, I mean, I got like dudes that used to drink a lot and they like to bang a lot of chicks.
	The thing is, I'm trying to make it not too controversial because, you know, we're Christian and all that.
	But what do you think?
	Like, should I still invite those kind of guys, the crazy ones?
	If they're close to you, you know, you're going to be looking at these pictures for a long time.
	And if you invite someone half-assed that you don't end up hanging out with much, like I invited everyone at Vice and even interns and shit.
	And I look at these pictures now going, why the fuck?
	I barely knew that guy.
	But yeah, even if they're wild psychopaths, they should still be there.
	They're your friends.
	I'll tell you one thing I did that was a big mistake.
	I had a three-day stag, a three-day bachelor party that was just booze, booze, booze.
	And my plan was to get them so partied out that they wouldn't be wasted at the wedding.
	But fucking, I forgot about Adderall.
	And apparently everyone was there hammered at the wedding.
	And I didn't even know this, but there was a saying at my wedding that the guys had, which was, Adderall up, and what do you got?
	A great wedding.
	And they were shit faced.
	Anyway, thanks for calling, but my biggest advice is rein in the list.
	Legille list?
	Audio Antonio.
	That's what it says here.
	It's about Antonio Brown.
	Oh.
	Um, So, yeah, you like went over Antonio Brown the other day, and then you went into how racist Twitter is towards white people.
	And I don't seem like a nosy, arrogant bitch or anything, but didn't you gloss over his tweet about No White Women 2020 that had like over 100,000 tweets?
	And it was like directly after you talked about Antonio Brown.
	You talked about how racist Twitter is, and then you didn't even go over his penny tweet.
	It's his penny tweet on Twitter.
	No more white woman 2020.
	Does he not understand plural or is he talking about Hillary?
	Or white woman?
	Talking about his fucky baby mama, dude.
	Like his mother of his children that he threw bags of dicks at.
	Like, it's disgusting.
	What a fucking loser.
	Well, I actually got a letter from someone that said, you say he isn't canceled, but he's been booted from every team he's been on.
	And they had a theory that he was a normal guy, but he got a head injury.
	And that's why he's such a fucking dickweed now.
	Maybe, dude, but I don't know.
	Like, this brings up all those people talking about Nick Fuentez.
	And I know, like, interracial, blah, blah, blah.
	And I don't know.
	It just, like, you know, it seems like black dudes are always just shitting on no white women, blah, blah, blah.
	And I understand where he's coming from now.
	Like, I know it's not everyone.
	I don't, it just seems like he has a decent point when he sees white women constantly.
	And like every song, I was listening to this one song with Chance the Rapper and some feature on it was saying like, I'm going to make a white girl suck my dick.
	And that's how I fuck a Republican.
	And so, you know, like, it's common culture these days.
	And it's just like demeaning and disgusting.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I think that, can you imagine if a white football player had said no black woman 2020?
	No, dude.
	It's like, it's just, it's like it's been since the 90s since they controlled like culture and stuff.
	But I know it's just like, it's insane.
	That's all I have.
	I'm not going to say like never date black people and all that, but it seems like if anything goes wrong, then they throw water race at their face.
	All right.
	Well, thanks for that input.
	Thank you for your call.
	Good to know.
	Good to know.
	She's wary of the black-white breakup rate.
	Perfectly legitimate concern.
	Johnny, Still Game?
	I think I got a zit this show.
	Fudge.
	See me, right?
	See me, Johnny.
	See you.
	See me, right?
	I've been watching Still Game Out of Holidays, and I was wondering, is that like a good show?
	Is that true in terms of what Glasgow's like?
	Obviously, there's some hyperbole.
	Not hyperbole.
	There's joking around.
	There's no hyperbole.
	It's a documentary that is perfectly accurate.
	I know a thousand Jack and Victors.
	My grandfathers were both Jack and Victors.
	I know a million Isses.
	All of those people, even the East Indian shopkeep owner, that show is so fucking accurate.
	That's why it's so popular.
	Because they just nail it.
	Add a question to it.
	Add on question to it.
	Since Count Dankula, has it starting to fade away?
	That Glasgow?
	Is it starting to fade away since like, oh, you know, Count Dankula is just one incident, but I get the feeling that it's morphing into that fucking liberal, every other liberal shit stained city.
	Scotland's always been very liberal.
	The characters on this show would probably hate Trump.
	They're very, it's a socialist country, basically, but it's only to spite England.
	And so I wouldn't see it as a cool punk rock political place.
	Everyone there is funny and interesting, but they're also fucking backwards political.
	I just got the sense it was like, it was just like, we're apolitical.
	We're probably more union than anything.
	But, you know, when it comes to social stuff, we're neutral, if slightly right.
	That would be super duper left.
	Super duper left.
	But don't let that ruin the show for you.
	All right, next call.
	Thank you for calling.
	I like you more than a friend.
	Let's wrap this up.
	I got five minutes.
	All right.
	We got Mark about Gavin's temp.
	Guessing he thinks you have a cold or something or a fever?
	Hello?
	Hello.
	I really like your work, Gavin.
	Been following you for a while.
	I don't really enjoy the temper when you lose it to the extent you did this evening.
	I don't really find it entertaining.
	And I also find it ironic because Ryan is stuck in a pattern of behavior, and you are too, where you just get mad at him and it just keeps happening.
	If you really want to solve this behavior, you're a very creative, intelligent person.
	I think you can come up with something, I don't know, better.
	Like what?
	Fire?
	Like behavioral therapy where your doc gets paid for each mistake or yeah, just something.
	I didn't really enjoy it.
	Like I like the banter sometimes, but it seems like really real tonight.
	And Ryan has the patience of a saint to refrain himself.
	And I don't think you would beat him up.
	Sorry.
	Okay, well, maybe we'll have to see.
	Oh, damn.
	I'm not a man of violence.
	I'm wrong a lot, you know, but I just got to keep it to myself.
	There are things that are technical that only I should really even know.
	If you go to get your car fixed, you don't need the guy to explain what's going on.
	You just need the guy to fix your car.
	So I'll just fix the car.
	Yeah, and I don't know all the behind the scenes things.
	I don't know how much warning you received prior to when The show airs, but I just know if you really want Ryan, if you really want Gavin, if you really want Ryan to improve, there are like there's got to be a better way than just yelling at him.
	Sometimes it's funny, but tonight, I don't know.
	I didn't, I'll just speak for myself.
	I didn't really enjoy it.
	Yeah, I didn't like it either.
	I didn't enjoy it either.
	Okay.
	Or the party.
	I could be partying next door.
	Like, yes, if, like, you know how they busted Al Capone on tax evasion?
	Imagine you, like, you hit Ryan, and then that's, and then that's just all over the news, and then that's it.
	Like, I don't know how you would recover from that.
	It would just be very such a shame.
	That's all.
	I wouldn't press charges.
	If I hit Ryan, that would be all over the news.
	I don't think it would.
	God, you're a fucking stag.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	All right, later.
	What if you hit Ryan?
	It would be all over the news.
	That'd be cool, but it wouldn't.
	I don't think it would be.
	Arthur.
	All right, let's make this the last call.
	I am out of steam.
	Arthur, you're the last call, sir.
	Hey, last call of the night.
	Hey, Getoke, I know how you like to watch some funny stuff.
	Something you might not have seen.
	There was a movie made in the 80s, Demi Moore, Belushi's brother, Roblox, and it was called About Last Night.
	And if you just watched just the very beginning of it, where Belushi and Roblov are riding on the bus, going into work or whatever, it's a hilarious skit.
	I think you would enjoy it.
	Go back.
	You had it.
	You had it.
	Go back.
	There, look, in the top row.
	Top row.
	Okay, opening scene.
	Opening titles.
	Yeah.
	No, no.
	Next to that, fuck nuts.
	They're on the bus.
	Oh, this is the trailer.
	How do you miss that?
	This is the trailer, though.
	Okay, thanks for calling, buddy.
	Last call.
	Good stuff.
	Oops.
	Jesus.
	You're too good looking.
	These girls go out with you and they get nervous, man.
	They feel dumpy.
	The best thing that can happen to you, Danny, is an industrial action.
	It's about men.
	-Hi.
	It's about women.
	Oh, John Belushi?
	Ugh.
	You said John Belushi.
	That's Jim Belushi.
	Jim Belushi and funny do not go in the same sentence.
	I know.
	And I'm so used to seeing the good Belushi's name.
	Jim Belushi.
	What's worse than Jim Belushi?
	Yeah?
	No, shit.
	So tell me.
	So, okay, so where am I?
	So you're probably in the panel.
	The only thing worse than John Belushi being dead is Jim Belushi being alive.
	Over to the cash register with this check.
	Right.
	And 1920 or 10.
	What was we talking about?
	She wants to buy a pack of vice run.
	Oh, I can believe it.
	Gets the smokes and does this number about how she forgot her purse up in her room.
	Up in her room?
	Yeah.
	Was she a pro?
	At that age?
	Yeah.
	Well, at this point, we don't know.
	So down we sit.
	We get the pop in this, that, blah, blah, blah.
	And it's, come up to my room and I'll pay you back for the smokes.
	No, fuck your shit.
	I'm telling you.
	And was she a pro?
	At this point, we don't know.
	But up we go.
	And it's sit up.
	Okay.
	Want a drink?
	What just happened?
	This is exhausting.
	That sucked.
	Is the bus scene coming up?
	I believe so.
	God, he's such a ham.
	Okay, caller, this is you telling us to check out John Belushi from Animal House and Rob Lowe.
	That's not his loser, shitty, boring brother.
	That's John Belushi, the funniest man in history.
	There's Bluto from Animal House.
	Turn it up.
	Let's hear John.
	Go back to the beginning, though, so we can.
	No, the beginning of the button.
	Yeah, that's buried in credits.
	A, she says, I think I want to take a shower.
	No.
	Yeah.
	And B, she says, then let's fuck.
	She said that!
	What did I just do?
	You were getting in bullshit, bro.
	At this point, we don't know.
	So anyway, I do say I'll join you in the shower if you have no objections.
	So into the old shower we go.
	Does this broad have a body?
	Are you kidding me?
	This scene is written by a virgin.
	Are you fucking fooling me the ass on this broad?
	Dude, is this supposed to be funny?
	Like, this is depressing.
	This makes me worried about our subscribers.
	Who am I preaching to?
	And by accident, it catches up.
	The converted to shitty?
	No.
	Well, I'm all sorry and so forth.
	Did he say that it was bad?
	I don't remember.
	No, I think he said it's an awesome sketch.
	That wasn't so bad it's good.
	That was so bad it's bad.
	It's just depressing, actually.
	Wow, what a perfect ending to a shitty episode.
	Thanks for tuning in.
	What about what if we end it with a happy note?
	A funny video?
	Maybe that's how we feel after that.
	This is how I feel about that fucking video and perfume in general.
	Thanks a lot, Caller.
	This is your ideas.
	That's your favorite movies.
	That's the scene with your John Belushi, okay?
	This is your fucking awesome 80s movie.
	There's your Rob Lowe.
	It's Jim Belushi, by the way.
	Jim Belushi.
	So take your fucking movies and your suggestions and go fuck yourself.
	Certainly the bust of the extras were okay.

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