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Dec. 23, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
45:16
S02E102 - BAD MOODS
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Time Text
Emiti, she said, That's your duty, so dragons through the snowy.
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Mas mudei de ideia vou tomar não dividir Mas mudei de ideia vou tomar não dividir Mas mudei de ideia vou tomar não dividir
Brasil Brasil Brasil Brasil Brazil, arms of Brazil.
I thought that was Russian.
No, that was Brazilian.
Portuguese.
Portuguese.
I'm such a dick that I never really got into Brazil in any way, shape, or form because I've always been allergic to Portuguese.
And maybe I've always had a problem with Portuguese people in general.
Because in Montreal, they're a large part of my neighborhood back there.
Pork and cheese, we used to call them.
But maybe Brazil's fucking cool.
Every time I meet someone from Brazil, they're awesome.
We have a big following in Brazil.
We were on a Brazil show once, and they have Bolsonaro.
Yeah.
A man who was stabbed with a sword and then brandished a sword at another meet.
After he recovered to celebrate, he attacked Marxist professors and said, you're brainwashing our children.
Like, that's way ballsier than Trump.
Trump does not have the gonads to say that.
He doesn't have the balls, the narrow.
Yep.
There he is, hanging out with the people, getting stabbed.
It's just like so.
And, you know, you think of that beautiful part of the world, you think of Latin-based language.
Yeah, someone just got him there.
It's not a good place to get stabbed, too, up in the high spots.
You know who called me last night?
Was this woman researching Elliot Smith's death?
Hmm.
I said, look, all I know is the same rumors you know, but I'll tell you something.
It's pretty fishy.
And what I told her is the same thing I thought back then when Elliot Smith died, was killed, which is, I just was confused by the way everyone was so cool with it.
Like, no, you know, I'm totally ostracized for liking Trump.
Kale Hartman has his life flushed down the toilet because he may have bruised Beth, what's her name's legs?
What's her name?
I used to know her name, damn it.
Beth Stein?
Stelling or something?
Stelling?
His career's over.
But then Jennifer Chiba, I'm going to say likely, or at least very plausibly, killed Elliot Smith.
Beth Stelling.
Beth Steller.
Beth Stelling, yeah.
Beth Stelling.
The Beth Stelling record of the year.
And it just seems like female privilege.
And then I also brought up Gary Coleman's wife, who definitely killed him, as far as I'm concerned.
You got to be careful with the definitely.
Allegedly.
Allegedly.
No, the evidence goes beyond alleged.
And then I always bring up Lorena Bobbitt.
She cut a guy's dick off, went for a drive, threw it out the window.
She got 30 days in a loony bin.
Unbelievable.
And when I said that to Anthony Camilla, he goes, what was it charged for?
Littering?
It's just genius, dude.
It's just genius.
Some labeled him as the unhappy.
But yeah, Elliot Smith stabbed himself to death.
There's no hesitation, Marks.
She says he did it when she was in the shower.
Others say she had a shower after she did it.
She pulled the knife out.
He bled to death.
It was in her stomach, in his stomach, sorry, which is a slow death.
She didn't call the 911 for a while.
She claims it's because her phone wasn't working.
And then she sued the family for his songwrites, I think twice.
Wow.
That didn't work out.
He didn't have that much money.
He's like an indie rocker.
You're not going to get that much dough.
And she went to his studio and took a bunch of stuff and took it, and the family couldn't have it.
But I think the stepfather diddled him.
So the parents aren't excited about getting a whole...
What the fuck?
Oh, yeah, you do.
Wait, I might have to take this.
Can I see what this is?
You have to take a call?
Well, put it on speaker then.
Put it on speaker.
Put it on speaker.
No, it's.
Who takes?
No, I don't have insurance.
Why would you take that call?
Because it might have been important.
What would it what could it be?
What?
Bail money?
No.
A chick?
No.
What could it possibly be?
Um.
Go to your face.
I sell drugs.
No, you don't.
Now I do.
I just started yesterday.
I'm a drug dealer.
Let me see your phone.
What was that?
Maya pack?
But why did you take that call when we're shooting a live show?
You must be the most important thing in the universe.
I may pack a bag.
I'm not letting this go, Ryan.
I'll call him back.
No, no, I know who called.
was a bullshit call, I don't know.
Plus my, my mom's friend that used to, She used to live in Maya Pack or a Carmel, New York.
So?
Even if my mom called me, I just wouldn't answer.
I don't know.
Just an unthinged number.
Yeah, I get a million of those a day.
What are you not telling us?
I just, I got...
A man of many lives.
I'm going to start saying shit you don't want me to say.
You could.
I edit the episodes.
Okay, well, I'll do it on our next live episode then.
Yeah, so now you've totally throwing me off with that weird call What could it possibly be?
I'm the guy that looked through your vacation pictures and said you know what I bet he probably wouldn't want this one shown because it's got his family members in it.
I'm looking out for you.
I mean it's really not that interesting.
I just thought it was a thing.
A thing?
Yeah.
Like a rel just tell us the category.
Court, family, girl.
Um God.
Court, family, or girl?
Uh all three.
Okay.
We'll get to the bottom of that eventually.
So that was South Rakas Crew.
I believe they did that with Diplo.
I don't know if Diplo just put it out, but South Rakas Crew does a bunch of sort of cool mashup mixes like that.
I don't know that much about them actually.
I feel like they're from Philadelphia for some reason.
But the chick doing that, MCG, spelled GI, she's a Brazilian kind of a rapper chick.
Very attractive!
That's Russian.
Do I have to learn to love this language?
Because I want to love Brazil.
What are the Western countries left?
America's look at her.
I feel like you bring her here, you'd marry her, then she'd think that you were flirting with someone and she'd burn the house down.
Yeah, maybe.
What a smoke show, though.
She would rub your feet whenever you wanted.
She's super loyal, but if you even put a little bit of doubt in her head, she will kill you.
You know when I want my feet rubbed?
When?
Never o'clock, because I'm not a homosexual or a woman.
Oh, I love a good foot rub.
Ugh.
Ryan loves a good foot rub.
I like it when my lady rubs my feet.
Oh, shut up.
God, I hate you so far.
Out of pure dynamics.
First, you're wearing a hat in the studio.
It's a Christmas.
Secondly, you won't tell us why you accepted a call.
Third, you accepted a call.
Fourth, you like your feet rubbed.
I love my feet rubbed.
You Greek.
And I rub feet.
Shut up.
South Raka's crew used that song.
That was kind of a remix.
I think it was the MCG Brazilian remix, but there was this weird group of, I think, Jamaicans who live in Sydney, Australia, who did a remix of that, or maybe the original of that.
And they talk about the new Bronx style.
I bet they've never even been to the Bronx.
And you don't often see black people like American black people in Australia.
They kind of have their own thing.
Oh, did I not include that in the list?
No.
No.
South Bronx style.
It's Lady Chan, South Ruckus Crew.
South Ruckus Crew.
This show is a great place to learn about the top, cutting-edge top hits of 13 to 15 years ago.
South Rock is crew.
What if you look up the song we just heard?
Hands up.
South Ruckus Crew.
Just click on that.
Just click on the title of that, and it'll come up in the suggestions.
Got it.
Yeah, there it is.
It's right there.
South Rock Crew.
Cultural appropriation.
Duncan Blaby.
Trying something new right here.
Double up.
South Rock is in the place.
Baby's shining in the place.
Lots of women are in the place.
Sleeping in Brazil, but this is not in good Brazil.
That's a good jam.
But anyway, yeah.
What is going on in Brazil?
I saw this video.
This is on the list, actually, of their parliament.
And it looks like, you know, you see these videos of African parliaments and Russian parliaments and Ukrainian parliaments and a fight breaks out.
Well, now that's happening in Brazil.
And Brazil, as far as countries left that still recognize Western chauvinism, what is there?
Canada's not no.
Britain, no.
Germany, no.
Spain, I don't know shit about.
America, maybe.
I'm going to put that on the maybe list right up here.
Let's put a pin in America.
Hungary, yes.
Poland, yes.
Italy, yes.
Brazil, yes.
Greece?
I think Greece has a populist party.
Do they?
Are you just pulling that out of your ass?
Wait, why did you say Greece?
I remember something recently happening that I was like, oh, that's good for them.
Okay.
So yeah, as far as nationalists, I think there's only four or five countries left.
And America's a maybe.
And you know what they're doing?
They're fortifying their borders.
That's what you do.
And you know what, if you reject Muslims or you reject refugees, then on local talk shows in other countries, they go, ooh, you are rude.
And you go, okay, that's fine.
I'll be rude.
I'll sit here and have a big Christian parade in Poland with classical music and it'll be a gay old time and you can hate me all you want.
That's a big thing with, I've noticed with the left is they're laughing at us.
Oh no, Alyssa Milano says, they're laughing at us.
They're making fun of us.
Really?
The Macron, the pussy who let his whole country flush down the toilet because he taxed them to death?
He doesn't like us?
Oh no.
That's what the left doesn't get, is that we don't like the rest of the world.
We're not impressed by Europe.
They are.
They want to say croissant instead of croissant.
But yeah, look at this clip from Brazilian parliament.
And were you right about Greece?
Yep.
Okay, so we're slowly.
Ryan started in the hole.
He's had four strikes, so now he's up to three.
Let's see if we can get you up to the big O. It sounds like Russian and Japanese and Greek.
A fictitious.
like i would probably like this guy he's fighting stances Is that it?
why did you cut it out Why do you keep cutting away?
There you go.
Oh, so it was over.
Correct.
Geez, we are not getting along today.
I'm in a bad mood.
Why are you in a bad mood?
I don't know.
Who cares?
Because of the call?
No.
No, I've been shitty all day.
The me thing.
This is the Monday show of Christmas.
These are our Christmas apps.
You'll notice the Christmas theme is a lot of fun.
Christmas Day, we're going to go through our favorite Christmas hits.
That's going to be really special.
But yeah, these are the episodes where we go over letters and try to catch up on the year's letters before we lose 2019 forever.
Can you believe it's going to be 2020 soon?
Yeah, that bums me out.
That's freaky, man.
2020.
My whole life, it was always 2000.
So if there was like a pen, it would be like the MarkMaster 2000.
And we thought, is there really going to be a year 2000?
Okay, if you promise, but that sounds kind of kooky.
No, 2020 will be a year.
Speaking.
So the reason I brought up Brazil, too, is to say, what the fuck's going on in the world?
Are more revolutions being televised?
And so we're seeing more of this chaos?
Or is there genuine bona fide globalist civil wars going on everywhere?
Now in Chile, for example, I don't really understand what happened there.
And it seemed to happen overnight.
Massive riots.
You got to understand with South America, ABC, Argentina, Brazil, Chile are normal.
They're not shitty countries.
They probably have the same rent for a studio apartment that you do in Toronto or even not New York City, but Manhattan, but maybe Queens.
Normal, you probably make $50,000 a year there.
So the fact that it just was shattered overnight is curious.
And I have spoken to people of Chilean descent and they tell me, yeah, we don't know what happened.
It just happened instantaneously.
And then they start talking about self-sufficient gardens where they grow their own food now, ready for a complete economic collapse.
Isn't that disturbing?
I'm getting a bunch of 800 calls now.
Is this when they come?
I hope not.
Are we being swatted?
Yeah, that's what the police do when you swat them.
They start calling, get down, get down!
Before we even get there, get down.
We're going to come over there!
This looks like chaos.
Whoa.
It's fucking anarchy.
And you got her.
In Chile, Torturan Violan Imatan.
What would you give those tits?
Like fours.
Yeah, that's fair.
That's fair.
Proud of your fours.
Proud of your fours.
But yeah, we have that Chile.
We know what's happening in Hong Kong.
Hong Kong has been a capitalist country.
They've tasted freedom since they were a British colony.
But another piece of red left my atlas today.
And Britain lost another colony.
That was Hong Kong.
And now China is saying, you're communist now.
And we can treat you like communists.
And we can extradite you from Hong Kong to mainland China anytime we want.
And we've seen the way they treat their citizens.
You saw that picture of that guy who criticized the police in a Facebook post.
And the next thing you know, he's chained to what looks like a keg.
And he's being interrogated by police saying, why did you say that we're a little extreme?
I don't know.
Maybe because I'm in a keg right now.
Like I've told you a million times.
When I was in Beijing.
Yeah, there it is.
When I was in Beijing, cops beat a man to death because he had written an article about police brutality.
Told you?
Those are his last words.
Told you so.
So yeah, there's just so many of these revolutions.
And then, of course, Paris has the, what do you call them, yellow vests?
Paris makes fun of us.
And then is there a link?
I don't know.
But is this the Soros globalists getting their way?
I know Alex Jones would have answers to all these questions.
I'm a little less sure of myself.
With all due respect to AJ.
Albanian.
Oh, this is another thing.
This isn't really related, but while we're still talking about Europe, I had some videos I wanted to talk about.
Check out how badass this Albanian is.
So I guess there is some, what are they, Greek tourists?
What does the title of this say?
See?
Albania restaurant owner jumps on roof of Spanish tourist hood.
Spanish tourists in a restaurant in Albania.
Maybe they didn't pay or something.
So he says, oh, you're paying all right.
So he jumps on the hood.
Now, I don't know if you know this, but windshields are made of glass.
So pounding on one isn't going to pan out for you very well.
Look at this.
They put their feet up to stop the windshield collapsing.
They're whipping through, going through stop signs, whipping through the countryside of Albania.
Yeah, you've done the job already.
Look, his hand is bleeding like crazy.
I know it's all connected with plastic so it doesn't shatter everywhere.
It's still glass.
Yeah, when is the job done here?
I don't know.
I guess he wants to grab the steering wheel and crash them.
Or maybe just...
I guess, but he didn't know there was a perfect little thing to grip on in there.
I think we might be just looking at pure, unadulterated rage with no logic behind it whatsoever.
If Angel Dust was a person, it might be this guy.
oh Politibo, everyone's calling for the cops.
I know how you handle this.
It's called Heartbreak.
This goes on for four minutes.
I know, let's watch it.
It's fun.
Because there's just more and more blood.
Jeez.
Hey, zbyt, zbyt!
Zbyt na makina, zbyt!
Zbyt!
Zbyt na makina, zbyt!
Zbyt na makina, zbyt!
Wait, is that a gun I see?
What is that black pointy thing?
I think it's a phone.
Where's the gun?
They stopped.
Why didn't they just let go?
Go, go, go, go.
Go.
Let's go.
Are they speaking the same language?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
What exactly do you do?
What do you do?
You go fast, and then when there's like a grassy part, you slam your brakes on in front of it.
No?
Worst case scenario, a broken leg.
Don't send him flying off a cliff.
Unless he's a pedophile.
He's yelling like he's the victim.
He's like, why are you guys doing this to me?
But these stuns tend not to be on hoods of cars.
They tend to have chosen their fate.
Is it Trey Hong?
I think they're saying, get off.
Look, we gave you a spot.
Get off.
Ow!
They kicked his hand.
Bloody hand.
Ouch.
Okay, I'll get my hand out of there.
That's not working.
I don't think I'd like to kick a man's hand.
You wouldn't like to kick a man's hand?
I want to kick a man's hand!
I couldn't break somebody's finger, even if they shot my dog in front of me.
What?
Why?
That's your thing?
You don't like hurting fingers?
Yeah, it's just for my benefit.
It would hurt me more than it would hurt them.
I was just reading this book about this chimp who was raised by a family, and then, like all chimps, it went dark.
They go evil when they get older.
Yeah.
They get really like they'll eat your dick off.
There he is.
Wait, we gotta see him.
But is he smiling?
You want to listen to what he has to say?
So anyway, why are we on the hood of my car?
You know you're going to get bloody when you punch glass 300 times.
That was pretty crazy, right, guys?
Anyway, are you okay?
And then just to update our Europe update to complete it, we have a drug addict fighting a stray German shepherd in Greece.
As one does.
You know, you get up to your old tricks again.
No, it's not going to work.
No, it's not going to work.
I met a cool dude named Hugo who used to work in cartoons with this guy, Rand Xerox, Libertoire.
Need a sandwich board.
Yeah, grab that sandwich board.
There you go.
And we were buddies when I was sort of touring around Europe in the early 90s.
And then I went to visit him on my honeymoon, like in 2004, 5.
2005.
And I finally tracked him down, and he looked like this.
Oh, man.
He'd lost his mind.
And I met like his people who knew him, because Geneva, Italy is a very small place.
And they go, oh, you're looking for Hugo.
Yes, okay.
Maybe he work.
Maybe his sister owns a restaurant.
Maybe she help you.
You want to say hi?
Yeah, of course I do.
No, no, no.
You're not using our sandwich boards.
We're the birthplace of democracy.
Anyway, that's not that far.
Hi.
Do they go to blows?
No.
Do we have anything else to cover?
No.
Before we get to the mailbag?
Uh-oh.
Hi, doggy.
Gig pet now, bro.
Stray dogs are all over Europe.
All over.
Italy especially.
Just full of stray fucking dogs.
But the guy at my gym, he got his dog from Argentina.
Americans will go and save these things all over the world and fucking bring them back.
Dogs.
Dogs.
Fucking dogs.
What am I?
Ten?
What am I?
Five.
I want to find out when you're in a bad mood.
I got good sleep.
I just, I don't like drinking much and I drank a lot last night.
Why'd you drink so much last night?
I don't know, because I had work to do, and then after I was finally, I got a good chunk of it done, I was like, I can't relax.
Like, I don't feel relaxed.
You know, I feel like there's nothing that clocked me out because I was working from home.
Okay.
And I said, you know, let me just let loose and drink a little bit.
And I'm like, what did you drink during the weekend?
Whiskey, bunch of water.
What kind of whiskey?
Rye whiskey.
I made old-fashions at my house.
Oh, you mean at your house?
Yeah.
And what's in an old-fashioned?
Bitters, maraschino cherry, simple syrup, whiskey, and ice.
That's it.
Rye?
Rye whiskey, yeah.
Rye is a type of whiskey?
And bourbon is a type of whiskey.
Bourbon's not separate from whiskey.
No.
Bourbon, Scotch.
Because it says whiskey on the bottle of a maker's mark.
Actually, let me see.
I think that's all the types.
Let me see.
Types of whiskey.
It's like Catholics are a type of Christian, and a psalm is a type of finger, and a rooster is a type of a chicken.
So you drank a bunch of booze.
So do you have a headache?
I just feel like a little, like if I ate, I'd feel tired.
It's like that whole thing.
Like, I feel soggy.
Soggy.
And my brain feels not on point exactly.
Did you have eight hours?
I don't remember.
I don't remember what time I fell asleep.
I don't remember.
How long were you at the bar for?
Maybe like 45 minutes or so.
I just pounded them in and then I actually took a couple to go.
It's one of those type of joints.
And then you came home and you watched a horror movie.
Yep.
Where a family was murdered in their home on Christmas.
Yeah, I wasn't actually smashed at that point, but then I ran out of my beer that I bought, and then I would, then I hit the.
Then you hit the riot home.
What time are we talking about here?
Well, I went to the bar pretty late, like almost one o'clock, and it's just, I can't explain why, but I just don't feel too great.
But wait a minute.
You were working on that video.
You were at my house for dinner.
Right.
And that all ended around 8.30.
Yeah, just about.
So we have 9.30, 10.30, 11.30, 12.30.
We have almost five hours.
Yeah.
Well, a lot of that was working.
I don't even think I played video games.
I don't know.
I was sitting there working and kind of listening to stuff and I was just like leisurely working.
Working for five hours?
You should have made fucking the Irishman by now.
Yeah.
But it's not done.
Right.
Well, I took a shower.
I did relax for a little bit.
I allowed myself to relax for a little bit.
What do you mean by allowing yourself to relax?
You had a nap?
No, I don't think I took a nap.
I was just listening to myself.
So what does that mean?
I relaxed, took a shower.
Usually I played Call of Duty, but I wasn't.
So what were you doing when you were listening to the podcast?
Working.
I was working, listening to the podcast.
But how could you be working for five hours and have not made the Irishman?
Well, at some point, I don't know.
Because there was space between me stopping work and going to the bar, too.
So it's like...
I do not document time, but I probably came back to the house, relaxed, took a shower, and then that killed like at least an hour and a half.
I do not document time.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
I never look at the clock and say, all right, I've done this at this time.
That's probably why you have this bizarre sleeping pattern.
Maybe the horror movie gave you nightmares.
Maybe, but I'm obsessed with this one little scene in it.
It's really creepy.
It has to do with Christmas, too, so maybe that put me in a weird mood.
Why does Christmas put you in a weird mood?
No, it feels good.
I like Christmas.
But it had to do with Christmas.
It was very dark.
So I was like, oh boy, there goes my good Christmas vibes.
So you had good Christmas vibes until you watched the scary movie?
I don't think a lot of it has to do with the movie, but was the movie before or after the bar?
It didn't help.
After the bar.
The movie was after the bar.
So we're up into the 2 a.m.s at this point.
Yeah, perhaps around there.
But you said the movie ruined your Christmas cheer, yet you were at the bar saying, nothing fucking matters.
Like I said, it didn't help.
Yeah, it didn't help.
Okay, so your Christmas vibes include saying nothing fucking matters.
Nothing really matters.
I was singing along to Bohemian rapidly.
You weren't singing along.
Yeah, he said already.
He said it in a very exasperated way.
Nothing really matters.
But it was a joke.
No, it wasn't a joke.
You're trying to make everyone laugh.
Hey, everyone.
Nothing really matters.
Is that cracking people up?
No, it's just like, what a weird thing to do.
No, I'm familiar with Bohemian Rhapsody, dude.
Oh.
I'm just trying to find out why you're so grumpy.
I think it was the call.
I think it was me interrogating you about the call.
That did not help at all either.
But if you remember.
So while you sit here and lie about Christmas spirits, it's all one long day.
You're mad that I tried to out you about this call.
My day never ended as of yesterday.
You know, I'm an open book.
I get dox.
That's part of this business we're in.
Right.
But.
And also, taking a call on the air is a huge deal.
I know.
I cover up for you when you take calls, and I understand that there might be some varying importance to which is none of my business and I don't investigate.
Sometimes you'll tell me and I'll say, oh, that's me.
Yeah, it's almost like I'm your boss.
Right.
And I have kids.
And decency.
And other things.
That's me.
I forgot.
But when your employee gets a call live on air and answers it and won't explain why, that's not professional.
Well, I'll tell you why.
I just would rather not tell strangers why.
Right.
But you impeded the stranger's experience with the show.
No.
Because I don't speak.
My job isn't to speak, so I could switch cameras and just see who this is.
I got to take this.
And then I'm over here.
You're still talking.
And the camera doesn't really move.
It goes to you.
And if you pull up a video.
But I just want to kind of suss out.
I knew I had enough time to at least do that.
I didn't want to do it behind your back, so I announced it.
And please show me another show, Howard Stern, Tucker Carlson, Anthony Coomia, where they accept calls.
You've taken calls before?
I'm your boss.
Yeah, but show me a Howard Stern show or a fucking...
There was a kid call one time, and I actually muted it.
That seems personal.
All right.
Let's get to letters.
You ready?
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
This is from John, Farting Preacher 5, this classic YouTube.
Don't know how anyone can't laugh at this.
Who sends us something from, like, the date here is 2013, but I feel Like, I saw this in the 90s.
So, you're sending as a fart preacher one of the oldest videos on earth.
And, dude, since that came out, we have tons of real farts, including a presidential candidate who just lost his chance at running the most powerful country in the world because of one toot.
So, you show me this VHS tape of a bunch of farts that everyone and their dog has seen.
Used to be on jokaroo.com.
Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus.
You're a moron, dude.
Thanks for your shitty letter.
This is from JL.
David, I moved to a new town and wondered if you had any pointers for guys getting established into a new community where they don't know anyone.
Also, do you have any rules on dating chicks when you first land in a new town?
Ooh, I like these questions.
Any merit and try to find a group of dudes before chasing women?
Obviously, what you do when you move into any city is you Google Dive Bar and you want to go to the one that's within a mile of your home.
You want to be able to walk there and you start going there whenever you possibly can.
Maybe you check out the happy hour, three to five.
You probably work, so maybe you want to go there after work.
I find when you go to bars, if you don't live like really downtown, like the East Village or London, England, where it's a real bar culture, the end of the night tends to be Mexicans.
And that's just a different, it's like going to a different country, really.
It's a lot of salsa on the jukebox and guys asking if they can buy cigarettes, even though they have a jewel.
And I don't know.
Your happy days jokes don't land because they never heard of happy days.
So I would try to get to the bar as early as possible.
But over time, you know, you'd have to tip very well, more than a dollar a drink.
I would say almost $2 a drink.
And sometimes two or three.
And then you'll get to know the bartenders, and they'll get to know your story, then you get to know other people, and you'll slowly get that crowd going.
And then it's like, hey, man, we're having a party.
You should come down.
It's John's birthday.
And then you start meeting people that way.
That sounds good.
Now, I don't know how old you are.
So, like, I'm fucking bursting with pals in my neighborhood.
In fact, I've got a Christmas party coming up.
I don't know.
I got my dive bar pals, my work pals.
Well, I used to be friends with Ryan until he had a fucking giant suck attack.
Ruined the show.
I got my boxing pals.
And then, of course, like work and dad and kids sports stuff.
Oh, kids' sports is another good one, but I don't know how old you are.
If you're talking about dating chicks, I presume you're not going to sign your son up for basketball.
So I would go to bars.
That's a great way to meet people in your new town and become a regular at all these bars.
It means a lot of drinking, so that means avoiding bourbon and just doing beer.
Now, dating chicks, that can be a little tricky.
Definitely don't fuck a bartender because now you can't go to that bar when you break out.
But I would also assume that this relationship is not going to last more than two weeks.
So you think, do I want to see this regular every day for the rest of my life?
Because if you do, then don't fuck her or it's going to be weird.
So I guess the short answer to your question is go to tons and tons of local bars and hang out there a lot.
Are we good?
Is that reasonable?
Do you want to add anything?
You recently moved to a little town.
Yes.
Well, I ride a scooter around so that we can give high fives to the locals and whatnot.
What?
Ride a scooter around in order to get high fives from the local cents.
I like smoking cigars in parks, but that's a summer thing.
You don't meet people that way.
Cigar bars?
I got a cigar bar near my grandparents' house.
I got a cigar bar near my apartment.
Pretty dope.
Ah.
So you go to cigar bars?
Yeah.
And what about pussy?
Pusse?
I don't look for pussy.
You do not look for pussy at all?
Nope.
Not at all.
This is now linking back to the call.
Do you know what it is?
Are you trying to portray yourself as monogamous?
Do you have one girl you're focusing on?
No, I'm...
I'm too busy to worry about a lot of shit.
Like my friends, I used to have more friends.
Yeah.
I got to do laundry.
I got shit I got to do.
Good point.
Yeah.
I haven't done my taxes in three years.
Is that illegal?
They probably owe you money, dude.
Nice.
I found out about whiskeys.
What do you got?
There's different types by country and by distill.
Distillery.
All right.
So the Scotch whiskey from Scotland, right?
Right, but Makersmark spells it W-S-K-Y instead of E-Y.
It's usually E-Y in the States.
Yeah, I know.
I think it's because their original guys were Scottish-related.
Yeah, that's how the Scotch whiskey, that's how it's spelt like that.
It's usually only distilled twice, ba, ba-ba.
Irish Scotch whiskey, American whiskey, and then there's, you know, bourbons, corn whiskey, malt whiskey, rye whiskey.
So all those Tennessee whiskeys and all that, bourbon and all that, that's just American bourbon.
I didn't know that.
I thought it was actually like a different type.
All right.
Hey, this is from John.
I went to like a right-wing meme page on Facebook, Book, and it asked me if I was sure I wanted to like and that I should double check to be sure.
No such warning with the left-wing pages.
That's pretty juicy.
So they're called Common Sense Extremist, McCarthyism Bit.
And it says, before you like this page, when you like a page, you'll see updates from it on your newsfeed.
You may want to review Common Sense Extremist to see if this types of content it usually shares.
Are you sure you want to like it?
And then he shows himself signing up to the Young Turks, and it's just nothing.
And go back to the what, did you show the other one?
Yeah.
That's fascinating.
It reminds me of this guy, that James O'Keefe thing that was leaked recently.
Remember that one?
Project Very Task.
Google Machine Learning Fairness Whistleblower Goes Public Says Burden Lifted Off My Soul.
Do you remember that guy?
He's so not hot.
Video, the police began looking for me.
Google sent threatening Letter to Google Insider Zachary Voorhees, possibly related to Jason from Friday the 13th.
They knew what I had done, and that letter contained several demands.
Hundreds of internal Google documents leaked to Project Veritas.
News, blacklist, human raiders, R-A-T-E-R-S, they rate humans.
Google Insider wants more insiders to blow whistle.
People have been waiting for this Google Snowden moment where somebody comes out and explains what everybody already knows to be true.
I felt that our entire election system was going to be compromised forever by this company that told the American public that it was not going to do any evil.
So this Google Insider basically said that after Trump won, Google changed its motto from do no evil to we need to stop Trump winning in 2020.
Not as catchy.
Unbelievable.
All right, next.
William DeValcourt.
Hey guys, big fans and all that shiz.
When Gavin was critiquing that video on a recent podcast, it made me think of this.
So I wanted to share.
Keep feeding and don't stop believing.
This better be a good video, William, or I'm going to be pissed.
Because that farting dude really pissed me off.
Is there multiple bullshits playing?
Wait, what's going on?
Is there multiple things playing?
Or that's what I'm talking about.
Oh, oh, oh.
Shut the fuck up!
*sad*
What are we looking at?
Watch this incredible moment when a father of four hears silence for the first time.
Oh, I get it.
That's pretty funny.
That's pretty good.
It's a great concept.
I don't know.
This one is from Brandon H. It's called Cap's Clown World.
Brandon H. He took a picture of his computer screen with his weird, shitty PC keyboard from 1999.
Hey, that looks ergonomic.
What is the button?
Want to hear music?
Push music.
Want to take a picture?
Push the camera icon.
Settings is on the left.
And then, of course, feel free to check out our media center, complete with the Internet Explorer and the AOL chat, where you can send all kinds of emails.
On December 4th, A is on.
On December 11th, you put C on.
What the fuck?
Is that an illegal cable box, too?
From the early 90s.
Look at all the shitty cords back then.
And there's stains on everything and like dust.
Thanks for taking the aluminum foil that you have wrapped around the cords usually off before taking the picture.
What a fucking dirtbag.
What is this different days of the week where you have A on, C on?
Why do you have to write on?
Like, isn't that implied with that post-it note?
Can't it just say 12-4, A, 12-11, C, 12, whatever the fuck that is?
What do you think that is?
I don't know.
Weird.
This is troublesome.
Why wouldn't you just forward me the link?
Look at this MSN Sports Microsoft News.
You know, he looks at the news that comes up on his browser.
This guy just made the show.
This has got to be a boomer, right?
Yeah, this is a boomerang.
Who looks at an article and goes, oh, I got to show Gavin this.
Did he scan this?
This was a photo taken from a disposable camera, scanned it, sent it.
You have a camera button on your computer.
Can't that do a screen grab?
In the future, connecting the industry, vessel tracking.
What a weirdo.
What an absolute fucking weirdo.
Anyway, sorry, to get to your letter, Brandon.
Colin Kaepernick is the black Grinch for those who dream of a white America.
By Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, no less.
Wow, that's pretty good.
Why don't you have it up?
All right.
Dang it.
Oops.
So Colin Kaepernick sent a tweet on Thanksgiving and the white-wing media.
It must suck when you're a black dude like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar who became a Muslim when it was cool with Nation of Islam and everything.
And then they became terrible.
Then they became jihadists and uncool.
And you're stuck with the name Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Like when Cat Stevens became Muslim, it was almost like he became Buddhist.
It was, oh, he became a weird Middle Eastern religion.
Sounds exciting.
Does he have a sword?
And now it's like, oh, you're the child fuckers.
Yeah.
Who blow up the World Trade Center.
Yeah.
Who beat women to death and throw gays off buildings and shoot Jews in the head.
That's such a cool name, Kareemi Kareem.
The white-wing media wants to make sure you know about it.
Breitbart, The Washington Times, Fox News, and the rest of the usual suspects quickly reported the contents of this provocative tweet.
Spent the morning at the Indigenous People's Sunrise Ceremony on the 50th anniversary of the occupation of Alcatraz.
The U.S. government has stolen over 1 billion acres of land from Indigenous people.
Thank you to my Indigenous family.
I'm with you today and always.
Wow.
All right.
I think that's enough.
That shook me out of Ryan's bad mood.
Yeah, that was great.
And made me laugh.
I like it when people are less good.
They're worse than I am.
I don't want to tarnish it with anything else.
So, yeah, this is the Christmas episodes.
Tomorrow will be more of the same reading mail.
Christmas Day, we still have a show.
We've got a lot of new shows coming up in the new year.
You'll be happy to see.
I'm going to say that as a little surprise, but you keep getting more bang for your buck, especially those who signed up when it was just this show.
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