Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E101 - 10 BEST VIRAL VIDEOS

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Dec. 19, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:42:22

S02E101 - 10 BEST VIRAL VIDEOS

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Time	Text
	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.
	With the broken down porch and the novelty doorbell, the lights are still on.
	Zoe plays her music low.
	She's got a bottle on the go.
	Everything's in.
	It's been a long night.
	That was Kate Tempest.
	I thought she was Karen Tempest for a second until I realized no one is named Karen.
	No one.
	That's my theory.
	That's my new flat earth theory.
	No one is named Karen.
	The name does exist in the movie Goodfellas.
	Yes.
	That's his significant other.
	But in real life, no one is named Karen.
	Mark my words.
	That is one of my theories.
	Uh-oh, I don't have my notes.
	Can you pass me my notes?
	Of course.
	What am I, a sick bastard?
	You no note-handed-ass motherfucker.
	I guess I'll have to use this blue pen.
	You passer of no notes.
	Kate Tempest is a spoken word poetress from London, from Westminster, from downtown London.
	She's got a very East London accent.
	She went to Croydon, some school in Croydon, but it was some fancy art school.
	I think she's kind of playing up her working classness.
	The same way Jordan Peel went to all Manhattan fancy upper Eastside art schools where they had, you know, gardens on the roof and stuff and took drama.
	And now he's like, I could never cast a white dude in a movie.
	I'm just black, too black, too strong.
	Playing up his fake blackness, even though he's about as black as I am.
	Similarly, I think Kate Tempest is playing up her, hello, I'm working class, and she don't have enough money in the council estate to make, to pay the rent.
	Oh, no, she doesn't have to pay the rent because she's on the doll, and she comes at home, and her drunk husband beats her, and he's on a doll, too.
	I don't know.
	Westminster's pretty nice.
	Do you hate it when people call it London Town?
	There is a London town.
	But they're like down in London Town.
	Yeah, I've never heard that before.
	I think London proper is about one square mile.
	Wow.
	Did you know that?
	No.
	But yeah.
	Also, Paris is very small, is it?
	Isn't it?
	I don't think so.
	Showed Kate Tempest.
	She's not attractive.
	Nor are any Brits, really, outside of maybe 10.
	Because the Vikings stole them all.
	And they would leave girls like this behind.
	So if you think Scandinavian women are attractive, you're a rape apologist.
	Because they got pretty by being stolen.
	That's why Glaswegian women are so fat and ugly.
	Because the Vikings stole all the hot ones.
	And like, if you walk around Scandinavia, it's shocking.
	Shocking.
	Especially when there's been some race mixing.
	Shit, I met this half-Egyptian girl in Scandinavia.
	Woo!
	Wow, what a knockout.
	I tried to pick her up.
	It did not go well.
	She said something, her friend said something about being a real man.
	I wasn't being manly enough.
	Well, those are the kind on the internet.
	But yeah, those are all stolen women.
	They got there from kidnapping.
	Scandinavian women are pretty because they were robbed.
	They are the booty.
	Their booty is booty.
	Their booty is pirate treasure.
	All right, that's enough nudity, Ryan.
	Nudity?
	Nudity?
	So I guess you'll hear more of that track throughout the show as we segue various things.
	We're keeping it very light today.
	Everyone's going to be talking about the impeachment.
	I don't care.
	It means nothing.
	Oh, it's a stain on his legacy.
	His legacy was already fucked.
	He's already one of the most hated presidents in history because he's draining the swamp and the left has never been disciplined before.
	So you know who else is hated in my house?
	Me, when I say it's bedtime.
	When I get the kids away from their screens and make them go to bed, make them brush their teeth and put on their PJs, I suck.
	I'm a bad dude.
	And that's what Trump is.
	He's just saying, we're going to shut down these programs.
	I'm not paying the UN anymore.
	I'm not going to say anchor babies.
	It actually doesn't change that much.
	You want to know a secret about this pocket square?
	Yeah.
	It's sewn into the jacket.
	Wow.
	But that kind of stinks because you can't change it to express yourself.
	Yes, you can.
	You push it down.
	Now it's just a lining.
	And then you can put whatever pocket square you want.
	Maybe I should have no pocket square.
	That's a little busy.
	Why did you just show the situation in Donald Trump?
	I mean, look at him.
	He's pimping.
	I don't hear anything.
	He's pimping?
	Nope.
	I mean, look at him.
	He's pimping.
	I hear that.
	I mean, look at him.
	He's pimping.
	It's not coming out of the speakers at all.
	I mean.
	So, I don't know what's going on with the sound with this show, young man.
	I'm supposed to give you a Christmas bonus as an employer, but I'm not sure I should.
	I'm rewarding failure.
	I mean, look at him.
	He's pimping.
	Fixed it isn't good.
	It shouldn't have been broken in the first place.
	We're live, live from New York.
	It's Saturday night on Wednesday.
	Hump Day.
	So yeah, the vote to impeach Trump has happened.
	Oh, no.
	Oh, no.
	It's proof that the left hates him.
	I love the way Nancy Pelosi came into the meeting today wearing black and said she felt really terrible.
	She also said that she prays for Donald Trump.
	I'm Catholic.
	I'm a Christian.
	I pray for him.
	Bullshit.
	Bullshit.
	Why do you lie?
	Why?
	Are you wearing a black dress?
	So, yeah, this is just more proof that the left hates the right.
	It's not like Brexit, Boris Johnson, that was a major victory.
	Trump winning is a victory.
	Trump getting impeached, even questioning his impeachment, even the whole trial.
	I haven't been paying attention to it.
	It's sort of like speeches.
	I don't watch those because I know they're pre-written and I know exactly what they're going to say about bringing the country together, blah, blah, blah.
	I only want to see politics when it's off the dome.
	Anyway, so I hope you're not coming here for heavy politics because you're not going to get it today.
	Impeachment is a nothing burger, as is Russia Gay.
	I mean, it's fucked up that Roger Stone is going to prison.
	That's when the joke becomes not funny.
	But right now, it's still in joke territory.
	He's not leaving.
	Like I saw on Twitter, all these people going, you're going to jail.
	They lost credibility with me a long time ago.
	What's this?
	The gentleman yields back.
	The gentleman from New York, Mr. Nadler.
	I would remind the gentleman that after recovering millions of dollars in ill-gotten gains, the colour investigation was actually a net plus for the taxpayers.
	I now recognize the gentleman from Colorado, Mr. Nagoose, for two minutes.
	Boring, boring.
	Turn it off, turn it off.
	Say Nagoose?
	You just.
	What?
	Never mind.
	Here's why I gave up on politics or hearing about it from anything remotely mainstream a long time ago.
	I saw this guy, Peter Dow, was trending.
	It was on Twitchy.
	This is 1-1, though.
	He said, well, this is his pin tweet.
	So I'm sort of jumping ahead here.
	But you know what's weird about this pinned tweet?
	Look at the woman next to him and how agreeable she is.
	Like she's looking at him.
	I wonder if they're married.
	She's looking at him like a well-heeled mail-order bride.
	Okay.
	There you go.
	Because if you think of what it means to be far left, you want universal health care.
	You want fewer shootings in schools.
	Pause.
	You want people to be able to have...
	Yes, that is a thing you should run on.
	It's your only half-decent point.
	And we saw Obama do it.
	It did a terrible job.
	For him, it was all about control.
	If I get everyone signed up for my health care plan, I now control your health.
	So I've lived with it in Britain.
	I've lived with it in Canada.
	It has its pros and cons.
	I'm not sure America's built for it.
	We've got 30 million illegals and hundreds of thousands of people dying from obesity every year.
	I'm not sure we can handle free health care.
	But I will argue that, and I think that's one of the things, one of the issues that there's back and forth on.
	Secondly, we want less shootings in school.
	And the right wants more shootings in school?
	Well, why aren't you exercising proper gun control to stop?
	Look at these shootings, you dumbass.
	You just go by emotions.
	You're such a woman.
	You're such a broad.
	Most of these shootings, if not all, happen in areas where the guns are illegal, where he's stolen his mother's gun, or the gun isn't allowed.
	It's a handgun.
	They don't have them in that state.
	We've got a murder a day here in New York.
	You cannot, cops have trouble renewing their concealed carry permit here in New York, retired cops.
	So it's one of the hardest places on earth to get a gun, and there's a murder a day with a gun.
	So your whole idea that you're the only one that wants to stop school shootings.
	Yeah, well, you want to have teachers armed.
	That means blacks are going to get killed because teachers are racist.
	I've heard that argument from Sean King.
	No, what we said was if a person is already licensed and permitted to carry a gun, right, and trained and a normal gun person, that person should also be allowed to pursue this legal gun they have at school.
	And just knowing that there is one, two, three, four people with guns would discourage a mass shooter.
	No, but mass shooters are crazy.
	Yeah, but they also are premeditated.
	And that's why they choose gun-free zones because they are mostly mentally ill, suicidal people who want to go out in the biggest blaze of glory possible.
	That means the highest body count.
	That means they don't want anyone there with a gun because they want to get their numbers up so they can be more famous and it can be more of a big to-do.
	So what else is this clown saying?
	I've never heard of this guy, Peter Dow.
	A living wage, affordable college, public.
	What's far?
	Pause.
	A living wage.
	See, it's fun to parse through the way these people talk.
	I know I said I wasn't getting into politics and I didn't get into politics, but I'm getting more into like philosophies.
	And it's pragmatism and realism versus pie in the sky woman shit.
	A living wage, the wage goes up every year.
	15 bucks an hour is what we're up to now in New York.
	If you don't like 15 bucks an hour, then don't work at McDonald's.
	You're not supposed to be working at McDonald's as a grown man with a family.
	That's why it's not a living wage for a man to raise a family.
	That's why minimum wages for teens, etc.
	Whatever he's saying, I'm just a girl.
	And what else did he say?
	A living wage.
	Right.
	It's far right.
	It's affordable college.
	Yeah, possibly.
	Affordable college.
	It's the left who turned college into an unaffordable shithole full of bullshit.
	Are conservatives responsible for the fact that it costs you a quarter million to get an NYU degree?
	Is that me?
	I did that.
	I don't want you going to school.
	I want the whole thing burned to the ground.
	In my world, 5% of the people go on to secondary education.
	And I'm getting more radical by the day.
	I'm at the point now where I think 5% should be educated at all.
	Way less school shootings when there's way less schools.
	Yeah, that's how we take care of school shootings.
	We abolish school.
	That's just crazy enough for them to agree with me.
	That would be the weirdest presidential candidate in the world.
	How do you feel about education?
	Well, my motto, if you check my website, is fuck school.
	I don't like school.
	I think kids should be playing all day.
	Maybe learn to read, maybe.
	And if they're nerds and they want to learn about sharks, we can set them up with a marine biology program.
	But school should be a giant field, giant park with a tiny schoolhouse on it.
	And if nerds are too wimpy to play or they're real book smart, they're really interested in that, then yeah, stick them in that schoolhouse.
	There'll be maybe 30 kids in there.
	That's the way it was in Britain, and it worked well for hundreds of years.
	O levels.
	Okay, O levels wasn't hundreds of years.
	It was probably half a century.
	But at 13, you take your O levels.
	If you're smart, no matter what your class is, you could be dirt poor like my dad, boom, you go up to, you get a scholarship and you go to a nice college like Glasgow University.
	If you're not, like all my dad's brothers, you get a trade.
	You're both making fairly similar amounts of money.
	It's a great system.
	This new system where you spend a quarter, you go a quarter million in debt to learn speech pathology is retarded.
	And I hope we look back in 10, 20 years and go, how do they sell us those lemons?
	It's like selling a Russian car to people that never works and it just keeps going.
	They just keep buying it and buying it.
	Okay, go back to him.
	What's far right?
	It's affordable college.
	Now, this is his pin tweet.
	How many followers does he have before I waste too much time on this guy?
	He's got Peter Dow, right?
	Peter Dow.
	Yep.
	Well, looks like he's got himself about 282,000.
	I think that's more than I had.
	So this guy is more influential than I am.
	And this is his logic.
	And basically, it's teenager logic, right?
	That's how I spoke when I was 15.
	This is exactly how I spoke when I was 15.
	If you talk about what's far away I guess I clicked it too many times, and now it's angry.
	By the way, when he's talking about far left and far right, there's a very important thing you have to elucidate, which is far left is now basically middle to the left.
	So Nancy Pelosi, AOC, all the way out to generation extinction or whatever the hell they're called.
	Antifa, Maxine Waters, they're all the same philosophy, basically, which is we need to fight them in the streets, right?
	Let's get violent.
	Punch a Nazi.
	That's the left.
	He's talking about far right.
	That doesn't include me, Tucker Carlson, any of these normal people.
	He's talking about this tiny, tiny sliver way, way out there.
	Richard Spencer, Charlottesville dudes, Pepe the Frog, maybe Nick Fuentes and America First, but probably not.
	So a sliver.
	And the normal right disavows the Nazis.
	They don't disavow Antifa.
	In fact, they literally give them a get-out-of-jail free card.
	Schools, you know, you want people to be able to have a living wage, affordable college.
	She's so proud of her.
	Her new host husband.
	It's racism.
	It's neo-Nazis marketing.
	Pause.
	Wow, that happened quick.
	Yeah, it's bigotry.
	It's racism.
	Those are just facts to them.
	Oh, you support Trump.
	So you're a racist bigot.
	Why?
	Well, you think other countries are shitholes.
	They are.
	Well, you don't want infinite Mexicans coming in here.
	I don't.
	Well, you don't think they're sending their best?
	They're sending their worst.
	What are we talking about here?
	What's this got to do with racism?
	I don't want the Sarnev brothers here.
	I don't want white jihadists here either.
	Bigotry, racism, and neo-Nazis.
	And you know what he's talking about with the neo-Nazis, right?
	That's that old typo that everyone focuses on where he said there were some good people on both sides.
	There were good people at Charlottesville.
	They were the ones who showed up because they thought it was about statues.
	And the first half of the event was about statues.
	And so Trump was saying those guys there that don't want Confederate statues torn down, that were not yelling Jews rural places and didn't have tiki torches, those guys are good people.
	And then you had Antifa being violent, so you had bad people.
	So there was some sort of balance.
	That also basically prevented a civil war when he said that, because he added nuance.
	It's racism.
	It's neo-Nazis marching.
	So this whole notion that we have to worry about whether Democrats are moving to the left, let's ask ourselves why Republicans are moving so far to the right, which they are.
	Again, just said like a fact, which they are.
	Oh, shit.
	I've had arguments too where they go, bigotry is on the rise in the age of Trump.
	That's just a fact.
	And then they stop the discussion.
	Okay, sorry.
	I guess you've done your research.
	Is that the end of it?
	Yeah.
	So he was in the news cycle recently because he said that you can't have a billion dollars.
	He said, why one person should have a billion dollars is beyond me.
	Can you give me a good reason one person should have a billion dollars?
	Yes.
	He works in genetics and he is helping to create a massive database where all of the country's DNA will be stored.
	And when you get your 23andMe, when you get your genome sequenced or whatever, you go in there and because of this massive AI system, it breaks down for you what your chances are of lung cancer, what your chances are of breast cancer, bone cancer.
	It breaks down all the things.
	It tells you when you should be getting pre-screened, things you could do to avoid this.
	Gavin, you can smoke.
	You'll be fine.
	Ryan, you shouldn't.
	You have a history of lung cancer.
	You'll get lung cancer like that.
	That's an incredibly valuable asset that's worth at least a billion dollars.
	And then people, well, no, that was other people that did that for me.
	You should pay them first.
	Yeah, we're talking about a billion dollars after cost.
	And there's plenty of examples of that.
	Here's what people don't seem to understand.
	We have the same kind of the wage gap that we have in this country, right, with the rich 1%.
	The exact same thing happens in math.
	There is 1% of the population getting all of the, what's it called, the Nobel Peace Prize for Math, the Fields Medal.
	We have 1% of the population getting all of the math credit.
	And the rest of us are stuck here.
	We can barely do long division.
	Yeah, that's because these people are extraordinary.
	Sorry, but two-thirds of the world's billionaires are bootstrapped billionaires who started with nothing.
	Ralph Loren, Ralph Lipschitz, he started a clothing line where he pushed WASP values.
	Americans loved it.
	As Chris Dialy says, what does she say?
	Because they created something so fucking marvelous that the whole world wanted it.
	And then I saw that there was a thing after he got all this backlash for not understanding math, that someone could have earned a billion dollars.
	And he said, here, click on the original.
	This might be 1-3.
	It's just like...
	Hint they don't.
	That's kind of why I'm bringing up this whole topic.
	Because that's a weird thing.
	I remember David Cross was talking about Ted Cruz way before Trump even got into the election.
	And he said, Ted, or maybe it was even Mitt Romney.
	Maybe I'm going back to Obama's second term.
	He doesn't care about you?
	And he said, this guy pretends like he can.
	Let me tell you something.
	It was the same exact sort of tone.
	He doesn't care about you.
	And I was listening to that.
	I was friends with David at the time.
	And I was thinking, why the fuck would you want Mitt Romney to care about you?
	I don't want the president to know who I am.
	I don't want any politician to know where I live.
	I wish I was completely off the grid.
	I'm off the grid.
	I wish there was no record of my existence.
	Why would I, why?
	And then this whole thing about billionaires care about you.
	Why do I want a billionaire to care about me?
	And here's another thing.
	They go, they don't need that much money.
	Why the fuck would you make all that money?
	For your kids, for your family.
	My experience with these guys who are very, very wealthy is they're workaholics.
	And they don't really, they tend to have grown up lower middle class, sometimes poor.
	And it's not like they really enjoy silk sheets and yachts for the most part.
	They like work.
	They like producing stuff and getting their numbers up and making it more efficient, making things work better.
	That seems to be their sort of obsession.
	So you go, well, what's my reward?
	Well, I know my kids will be taken care of.
	And that's nice.
	And that's why a lot of people do it.
	And that's why we should have no estate tax.
	I've told you this before, but you know ESPN was started because some child of a billionaire had tons of money to spend.
	Because the initial pitch of ESPN is impossible.
	It's, I want to accrue every single game, every college sport, all going on all around the world, and have one massive hub where they all congregate.
	And you can watch any sports.
	It's Comedy Central, but for sports.
	And they were blowing like $350,000 a month, I think, on just accruing all this stuff, getting the rights for it and everything.
	And that's too expensive.
	And no bank wants to invest in that.
	What?
	You're hemorrhaging cash.
	Yeah, but in the long run, I'll be a very successful corporation.
	No.
	We barely let people buy a house here at the bank.
	So this billionaire's kid came in and said, that sounds kind of cool.
	I'm in.
	Total raging success.
	They still think the real problem with people like Peter Dow is they think that a billion is a trillion and that a bunch of billionaires can pay off trillions of dollars in debt.
	We've already explained that, right?
	Which reminds me of this video I saw today that shows you just how inept the enemies of Trump are with this get off of my cloud cover called, hey, Trump, get out of my house.
	1-4.
	Look at his stupid...
	First of all, we have the sunglasses are cool thing, which has been irritating the crap out of me recently.
	Why would you think sunglasses are cool in this day and age?
	And then the superfluous scarves.
	That's the name of the band, actually.
	That's pretty good.
	That's kind of what they are, too.
	Check out this joke.
	Is that a guy?
	Yeah.
	He's a Fed Armiston character.
	Yeah.
	Look at that guy with the fucking tongue.
	Oh, my God.
	I know you're making fun of me on Gavin's show.
	Look at them dance.
	I'm dancing.
	This is amazing.
	This is a good jam.
	Get out of my house.
	That's not how the song goes.
	It's get out of my house.
	This looks like the overflow of my cloud.
	The immigration line from Margaritaville.
	You say the immigration line?
	Yeah.
	What's an immigration line?
	Well, here's one.
	One time, you know, I immigrated so hard, you know, bada boom.
	Let's look at some viral videos for.
	I'm not feeling very political today, especially after that very political rant.
	Oh, no, this is kind of...
	What?
	I'm not sure the situation makes for good video clips.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah, Brexit.
	This is 1.9 we're jumping ahead to.
	I was looking at my boy Danny Tomo's Twitter feed.
	And yes, I am secretly still on Twitter.
	And I saw this was the video I was trying to find the other day with a fat pig.
	The personification of the British anti-Brexit, the remainers in a nutshell.
	He's remaining on the toilet for so long that his legs go numb as he looks at hot chicks on Instagram and shits out his fish and chips.
	Out!
	I don't fuck Boris.
	Fuck Boris.
	Yeah.
	Fuck racism.
	Fuck homophobia.
	Fuck all the money in the offshore account.
	We want to save our NHS.
	It's important.
	We need it.
	not our Prime Minister.
	I don't get why they think Boris Johnson is going to end the NHS.
	That seems like a total tangent.
	Anyway, look at this bit shoot thing.
	So Danny goes to this Antifa rally and he's talking to people and they do this really passive-aggressive thing where they kind of bump him as they walk by and then they get more aggressive when they see he's now fighting.
	Guys, East Londoners, soccer hooligans, have been fighting their whole lives.
	Your middle class, which is sort of like our equivalent of upper class, you're a toff.
	You can't fight.
	Don't fuck with Tommy's boys.
	They'll knock you out.
	They live in looten.
	They've been attacked by Muslims since they were eight years old.
	This is Danny.
	Danny.
	Thanks very much for that.
	You know what you gonna do, man?
	What are you gonna do, man?
	Hey!
	Hey!
	See, go back to that punch.
	It's kind of a crucial punch.
	He knocked his hood off.
	And then you see his face afterwards?
	He's never been punched before.
	You see, you see that face?
	Holy shit, there's consequences for my actions.
	You just saw a man getting punched in the face for the first time in his life.
	And there are two types of men in the world.
	Men who've been punched in the face and men who haven't been punched in the face.
	And that was a first time out if I've ever seen one.
	Which makes me want to go on a video tangent.
	Check out this crazy rich Asian without the rich part.
	I don't know what the hell is going on here.
	I believe the hoser pussy with the dog.
	I believe his side of the story, but I have no idea what her motive was.
	She's assaulting me.
	I'm assaulting you.
	Yes, you're assaulting me.
	Look at this.
	Look at this.
	Maybe she's hungry and she wants this dog.
	She's the witness.
	Are you going to hit me?
	No.
	Are you going to fucking hit me?
	No, I'm not.
	I'm not going to hit you.
	Can you just pause it for a sec?
	I'm not proud of this, but there's something that makes me very horny about a truly mentally ill and violent woman.
	Wow.
	Am I alone on that?
	You hate Asians, but...
	Oh, yeah.
	they snap after a while from the pressure.
	Take your fucking dog away.
	Don't fucking take my dog away.
	I'm going to say dog boy?
	No, I'm going to take your fucking dog away.
	Fucking dog away.
	Don't fucking take my dog away.
	This is when, like, you try to get a dog to pick up chicks and it goes way too well.
	Yeah.
	I want that.
	Yeah.
	I'm going to punch you.
	Beat you for it.
	You're going to hit me?
	I'm trying to get out of here.
	She's walking around kicking dogs.
	Again, where's the humor?
	Why aren't you laughing, dude?
	This is funny.
	She can't beat you up.
	She weighs 37 pounds.
	You kick my dog.
	My daughter could beat her up.
	Kicking dogs.
	What?
	She kicked his dog.
	Yeah, but what did she say?
	He's in love with me?
	Around kicking dogs.
	He assaulted me.
	She keeps repeating that.
	I can't even get out of here.
	Why can't you get Uda here?
	She just kicked him again.
	What a traitor I am, mocking Canadians.
	You don't like being recorded?
	As you're punching me?
	She's walking around.
	That doesn't make you horny.
	Ask her.
	It makes me interested in what's happening there.
	I mean, like, I'm definitely intrigued.
	She's clearly unhinged and unpredictable.
	That's what good sex is.
	Why are there so many Asians out there?
	It's Toronto.
	That chick punched the chick with the blue dress.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Stop rewinding.
	But I didn't.
	They didn't show it.
	We just hear it from her.
	Look at this superhero.
	It's here to save the day.
	Asian girls have more testosterone than Torontonian men than anybody.
	No, you are.
	Look, we're out walking our dogs.
	You come up and you punch me?
	So how about you walking away?
	Fine with that, other than she just kicked my dog hard.
	Heard?
	Heard?
	Yeah.
	Oh, gee, really?
	You'll walk away scot-free after kicking my dog till she yelps?
	What do you want to do?
	Go to dog jail?
	Stop cares about your dog.
	You're unbelievable.
	I'm glad you're here.
	She's right.
	I'm on her side.
	You want to go on a date?
	At least she's okay.
	She yelped loudly.
	She yelped loudly, eight?
	Whack right in the ribs.
	Look at her.
	She's freaking out.
	Racked by me moving.
	Quack right in your ribs.
	Give me a break.
	I'm walking my dog.
	Why would I assault you?
	Oh.
	Now that guy's the jury.
	Did she not walk up?
	I'd like to think that they're a couple now.
	No, they're not.
	Well, now.
	Oh, now.
	After this, yeah.
	He doesn't have the balls to do.
	Could you believe that?
	To hit on her.
	She has a goddamn dog.
	She does.
	If that was my dog, I would say, hey, this lady kicked this nice, innocent dog that I picked up the leash of because someone, some chick or some gay dude abandoned it.
	She walks up and punches.
	Do you know her?
	No, I don't.
	I don't know her either.
	This is two people walking their dogs.
	Yeah, if I had that dog, I would secretly love it.
	And then when I walked it, I was like, I gotta walk this fucking chick's dog.
	I have that dog.
	Did you hear what I said?
	Secretly feel nothing.
	Yeah, you do.
	Nothing.
	You just yell how you're complaining about walking a chick's dog.
	You don't believe me that I don't care about my dog?
	I believe you.
	You know what?
	You know what?
	You can walk down that halfway.
	I call him dog.
	Shaking.
	Oh my god.
	Your little dog's shaking me.
	You know what?
	Just, I'm gonna go.
	I'm gonna go Take care of my dog.
	I get the idea.
	So, that brings us to viral videos.
	We're ending the year, we're about to go on Christmas vacation.
	Don't worry, we won't stop with the shows.
	We banked a bunch of shows.
	You're still going to get your shows.
	Shows.
	But there's viral videos like that that I just adore.
	And I realized a lot of these videos make me feel good.
	A lot of it's kind of negative.
	But sometimes it can just be soothing to look at the complete filth that is our society.
	So without further ado, I'd like to show you, well, here, let me explain it in the next two weeks.
	Love letters she can't bin, and outside the night, and inside the lost hurrah.
	Limited edition.
	Hello, and welcome to the 10 greatest videos of all time in history.
	Now, this is a little self-indulgent, but I want to go through, because, you know, we're winding up the year, it's getting close to the holidays.
	My 10 favorite visits.
	These are videos that I watch that I can have like a cup of coffee.
	Just a warm, soothing brew to have to start my day right.
	These are my cup of Joe's.
	So let's start with number 10.
	This is a guy scaring his dad.
	Girsen!
	Jesus!
	Mary, you fine bass!
	I'm going to kick you in there!
	Jesus, man!
	You little fucker.
	One of these days, boy.
	I think one of the reasons I love this video is because, I think he's saying curses, by the way.
	He's cursing him because that's the way the dad reacts.
	And as a scarer of dads, you're worried when you're in the closet.
	I don't mean metaphorically, I mean literally.
	And your dad opens it up and you come barging out.
	You're worried he's not going to scream.
	And then when he goes, oh, Jesus, and he falls back over the bed or something or really topples or has a convulsion or spills his water or something like that or his beer.
	And you go, wow, that's even better than I had hoped.
	I'm a very high-strung guy, too.
	Sometimes when people scare me, I convulse so much and fall so far backwards that they think I'm mocking them.
	And they go, all right, all right, I get it.
	You're not scared.
	They think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm very tightly wound.
	And so were British dads.
	Could have been the 800 years of war we got from the English.
	This guy appears to be Irish.
	But yeah, the reason I find this video so soothing is because all of his hexes are so phenomenally successful.
	Oh, and one more thing.
	When you're scaring someone, don't just say boo.
	This guy kind of does it.
	It gets away with it.
	But if you really want to scare someone, keep talking and walking at them, if you will.
	And they will be way more scared than just boo.
	You bugger!
	You bugger!
	Garza!
	He just cried!
	Stop this!
	Shit, you!
	Shit!
	Gurd!
	Garza!
	I like his little.
	I like the way he's sitting like an 11-year-old girl after that one.
	He really turned up.
	Shit you!
	Gurse!
	He's always fixing!
	Look at that stance.
	Curse!
	Jesus Christ!
	Curse!
	Jesus Christ!
	See the way his legs kicked out there?
	Curse!
	Curse!
	Oh, that was one of my favorite ones.
	I know it was subtle, but I like when he just sort of is mildly scared and sort of goes, oh!
	It's like he's getting a shock.
	He's at clear for goodnights, I'm fine.
	Yes!
	Yes!
	Oh, that's my favorite one.
	Boom.
	Yeah.
	Gars!
	Yeah, finish.
	Hey!
	Oh, yeah!
	Team break!
	It was busy, this guy.
	Look, he's a real hard worker, isn't he?
	If he's not doing repairs, he's vacuuming.
	He gets so scared he turns on the vacuum.
	Oh, yeah, he flicks it on and off.
	Click click click click Please Hey Please wait Tires There, for goodness sakes, boy, break off.
	Freak off.
	Curse.
	Sheesh.
	Brace.
	Ha, ha, ha, ha.
	Curse.
	This must be hard for you to watch seeing a son and his dad demand something.
	I could scare folks.
	Not your dad.
	Well, I could scare him by showing up and saying, hey, I'm back and I love you.
	You can scare him by talking about child support payments.
	Wait, go back to that last quote that he says at the very end.
	I'm like, one of these days, boy.
	Grrrr.
	Shh.
	I'm telling you, you're going to get it, Border Christ.
	I'm telling you, you're going to get it, buddy.
	So that's more than just a funny video to watch.
	It's just alarmingly soothing.
	And sometimes you have Schadenfraud, and what is soothing to you is torturous to someone else.
	I guess that is even an example of Schadenfraud because he was being tortured, right?
	This one I just love because one thing that truly irritates me about the DNC and Hillerites is how fucking smug they are.
	And they were so positive they were going to win against Trump that I like going back to 2016 and just watching them gloat.
	Pre-victory gloating is something that only the smug can pull off.
	I told you, by the way, in my neighborhood, there was a really wealthy woman dropping off her kid at pre-K, and I was dropping off my son.
	And I saw her in the corner of my eye, and she was walking around the back of her, you know, Mercedes-SUV G wagon, and she sees the Hillary sticker there.
	This is a day after Hillary had lost, and she's walking, she sees a bumper sticker.
	They love their bumper stickers, and she stares at it for a second and is having a lamenting moment, and then she goes like this.
	Touches the sticker, she kisses her fucking bumper sticker, and then goes around and gets in her car and goes to Equinox.
	So anyway, this song, Miles, My Brother, did a great job of covering it.
	Thank you, Brian, for all your hard work.
	But the original is still the best thing in the world.
	Go to the very, very, very beginning, though, because the way she's putting on her pin is just so odd.
	This is a woman, by the way, who just destroyed the Charlie's Angels franchise by turning it woke.
	This is for Hillary.
	Dumb, dumb, dumb.
	Like a small ball.
	Oh, and her fucking eyelashes.
	I'm beautiful.
	I'm sexy.
	Ew.
	Anyway, Miles has been through this a million times, right?
	They get so pumped.
	I can make an explosion.
	And all those things I didn't say.
	A cappella.
	Remember that geriatric who's in it?
	She's like, I still got a lot of fight left in me.
	Put she in a coffin?
	Has meathead.
	If someone wanted a filler in her face.
	And a dog.
	Oh, there she is.
	Here, go back for a second.
	Look at the way the gay guy looks at her after the doggy part here.
	Okay, she shoves him.
	Now look at how he looks at her.
	That.
	You've got this, guys.
	We won.
	Hillary's going to be president.
	There's going to be a woman president.
	There's going to be all kinds of woman stuff happening in the White House.
	It's going to be so womanly.
	There'll be tampons everywhere and women shit and women superheroes.
	Everybody's worried about me.
	I'm into it.
	Anyway, just jump into the end of that when they get all really pumped.
	And they're like Oh yeah, remember the rap?
	We're about to show the world that women are equal now.
	Who are you?
	So celebrities are somewhat matched.
	I'm kind of famous in my own life.
	Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum But I can make an explosion!
	This is our fight song!
	Take back my life.
	Anyway, that's fun.
	Just in the morning when you're getting frustrated by, you know, impeachment and the social justice warriors taking over our court system, throwing our friends in prison, it's good to remember that they lost and they're fucking fools.
	That brings us to number eight.
	Speaking of fools, this is one of my favorite things in the world.
	A lot of these things to me are like a fountain.
	And you know how you can just sort of sit there, maybe after a hard day's work or a waterfall, a small waterfall, right?
	And you can just have a Bud Light and just watch the water cascade down the rocks and just think how beautiful it is to be alive and how lucky we are.
	This is that to me.
	It's a soothing fountain.
	This is Lindsay Lohan.
	I think she was broke and she just got a bunch of money from Saudi Arabians and she said, fine, I'll do whatever you want.
	I'll convert.
	This happens all the time.
	I think Jack Dorsey converted to Islam and I think that CIA director, Brennan, I think he converted to Islam.
	It's just something you do to show people how woke you are and sometimes to get money.
	I think Lindsay got a gift of a Quran and she started walking around with it because it led to Dala Dala Bils, y'all.
	And so in her unending effort to appease the Arabs, uh-oh.
	Laura Loomer.
	Can't talk right now, Laura.
	She put on, isn't it eerie that Laura's calling me too?
	She put on an Arab accent in an interview.
	I've never seen this.
	I do this joke sometimes.
	Like if I'm in a taxi or at a restaurant, they go, yes, sir, you're interested in the specials?
	And I'll go, I'm not so interested in specials right now.
	Maybe we just go right to the menu.
	And if a tree falls in the woods, it doesn't make a sound no one knows.
	So they don't know I'm making fun of them.
	And they can't hear their own accent in my accent.
	But my fucking wife will sometimes go, oh, he's crazy.
	He's sorry.
	He's terrible.
	That's not funny.
	Like, you just gave it away.
	Now it's insulting.
	It used to not exist.
	Anyway, sorry, long intro.
	So here is Lindsay Lohan just magically becoming a Muslim.
	It's all around these days.
	People are talking about it.
	And it was the same thing with your picture carrying Quran, actually.
	In America, I was going through a lot with past things that had happened to me over a 10-year span.
	And my very close friends who had been there for me a lot in London are Saudi and they gave me Quran.
	And I brought it to New York because I was learning.
	and it opened doors for me to experience, and spiritually to find another.
	And it opened doors for me.
	Yeah, it opened doors for you.
	It got you money.
	You know, true meaning.
	And this is who I am.
	This is just me holding it with me walking, going.
	Whereas the paprati, maybe across the street, I didn't know.
	And they crucified me for it in America.
	They made me seem like Satan.
	Going.
	I was a bad person for holding that Quran.
	And that, and I was so happy to leave and go back to London after that.
	Because I felt so unsafe in my own country after this.
	I mean, people were like horrible to me.
	She's hot.
	And just Because this is my belief.
	If this is something I want to learn, this is my personal, my own will.
	This is not for you to frustrate.
	If I was single, and that interviewer was interested, I would take Quran and I would be walking, going.
	I would convert to Islam because it would open one particular door for me.
	I would convert for her.
	I'm not looking at what you do every day.
	Maybe you're not doing enough because you're bored hurting me.
	But I can't imagine how many people go through this all the time.
	And that made me feel like an outsider.
	So she's back to normal.
	Why?
	Anyway, it's just that one part of it.
	Me, walking, going, with Quran.
	They give me Quran because my friends are Saudi.
	Something weird's going on with Saudi Arabia, by the way.
	I think they're running out of oil because they're flying in all these comedians.
	They're flying in SopranoCon.
	It's bizarre.
	They're trying to make it like the new New York, and it's never going to happen, dudes.
	It's 180 degrees there.
	No one wants to go to Dubai.
	You can't even drink.
	All right.
	Number seven.
	This is, I don't know why, but just like Lindsay walking, going, I could watch this 8 billion times.
	Shower time, Adderall, a glass of whiskey, and diesel jeans.
	I guess the reason I like it so much is he's so ugly and so wildly unattractive.
	And diesel jeans are so gay and stupid and useless.
	And your toilet is sitting there where you go poo.
	A glass of whiskey.
	And you're like, you're proud of this?
	You think this is inspiring to anyone?
	Look how low they're slung, too.
	Do you have any underwear on?
	Look, he looks like a woman.
	He looks like John Legend's mom.
	His face is so turgid.
	Adderall.
	A glass of whiskey and diesel jeans.
	Are you proud?
	It would never occur to me to be proud of diesel jeans.
	I guess they're expensive.
	Yeah.
	It didn't even have ice in it.
	Glass of lukewarm whiskey and expensive women's pants.
	About $100 a piece.
	Levi's are $100.
	Levi's jeans.
	These go to $11.
	All right.
	That brings us to number six.
	Of course, we use this on the show all the time.
	It's a favorite here.
	But what's unique about these videos and why I'm calling them the greatest videos of all time in history is they just release endorphins.
	Like, they make me feel good inside.
	And this thing I just find like a water fountain so soothing.
	There's so many parts of this.
	I don't even know where to go.
	Oh, and I haven't even seen this part.
	How do they collect all the crazies in the entire country?
	I like how he matches.
	He looks like he's good luck.
	Where's your pot of gold?
	Turn it up.
	So I'd like to finish with saying that it would be really nice if people around this parts who preach progressiveness or preach acceptance and want to light up lights around buildings that are very governmental and symbols of oppression to do better and actually put more action rather than words and cheap symbols.
	Speaking of more action rather than words, what are you saying?
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	What do you want?
	God imagine.
	And then this, of course, is the winner.
	I hear you corrupt the symbols of my trans and gay siblings.
	Like, when this is playing in the background, I'm hearing the Rolling Stones do satisfaction.
	This is like a hit.
	Like, I just, I like this top five hit.
	It's a good jam.
	How dare you?
	Okay, keep going.
	I'm not done with my Cup of Joe.
	How dare you even think about accepting an award for a place that you block off half of, therefore making it impossible for me to get around in the city?
	50% of the city is blocked off?
	That sounds pretty extreme, dude.
	I am beyond angry.
	I'm furious.
	Well, then why are you cracking up?
	All right, that's another that one.
	He said, how dare I always notice new things, too, about it.
	Even with the Adderall whiskey one, I notice new things every time, like his toilet.
	But with that one, I didn't notice that before.
	They said, how dare you even think about accepting an award?
	How dare you even think that?
	One of the problems with these greatest hits type of things is there's a lot of repetition here.
	And Mother Nature is Hella Pissed is going to come up in a lot of things.
	It's going to be in our 19 most clownworldy moments of 2019.
	But it's also here as just a soothing video where I see this dumb homosexual think that he's accomplishing anything by bitching about plastic, which again is not our thing.
	That's an African and a Chinese thing, plastic in the oceans.
	We don't do that.
	Damn.
	And this, you can just put it anywhere.
	Plastic discards.
	P.S. We don't give a damn.
	But we should really give a damn.
	P.S. What?
	That was now I know what you're saying.
	Did he write this, do you think?
	Billion plastic bags being used every single day.
	Yeah, that end up in landfills where they came from.
	Political gains and power change and profits made.
	Our mother says to go upstairs and put on something new.
	Where did they get this idea too that plastic bags are bad for the environment?
	ugly and I've heard a dolphin doesn't like to wear it as a bandana but uh it's petroleum-based products that came from the ground.
	I love you.
	I love you.
	We would do better to step up and take care of you.
	To To stand up and take action and not use a plastic bag in order to save Mother Nature because she's hella pissed.
	What is funnier than a man in a dress thinking that he's blowing your mind?
	The only thing he's blowing is his fat, ugly boyfriend.
	I'm pretty sure his dad's mind is blown.
	Yeah.
	And his dad's memories.
	The only thing he's blowing is his photo albums, his family photos.
	No one's looking at those anymore.
	Isn't it funny too?
	See, again, I'm noticing new things.
	The whole striding thing that you see with like women, like Beyoncé, you know what it means.
	The impetus for it is, yes, I've been oppressed.
	Yes, I was denied the vote.
	Yes, I had to work as Rosie the Riveter in World War II, but I'm still strong.
	Yes, my husband had an affair and left me with the kids.
	But I'm still strong.
	Through all the adversity you've thrown at me, I am still a strong woman.
	And then you have fucking Darren over here.
	Brian Lemieux with his fucking short red hair going, I've had enough of not being able to vote.
	I'm a white male.
	Hello?
	How does he start that whole thing again?
	Mother Natch.
	They spelled Natch wrong.
	Mother Natch makes you think of your mother's snatch.
	Hello, my darlings.
	Welcome to the planet, my dears.
	My dears.
	Wipe your feet.
	Anyway, that's just the gift that keeps on giving.
	All of these are relentless, infinite gifts that you should consider for Christmas.
	You should say, your dad opens up or your brother opens up the present, and it's just a tiny URL.
	Go type it in, dad.
	It's wonderful.
	Speaking of dads, number four, God Made My Dad Sleep With My Wife.
	This one has been a favorite of mine for many, many years.
	And I saw it happen live in the sense that this has gone viral, but I remember seeing the documentary when it came out.
	I may have been with my dad, actually.
	And in it, this cult leader, that's not him, that's his son, said, well, here, I'll let it play out.
	Just in case you haven't seen it.
	Have you seen this, Ryan?
	Yeah.
	Everyone's seen it, right?
	Yeah.
	Well, not everybody.
	In my time here, I thought I heard everything.
	Then Jeff delivered an incredible revelation about his dad, the Messiah.
	God came down on Michael and forced him to consummate with Christiana.
	I'm doing Homer disappearing into the hedges.
	Wait, did God rape your dad?
	If you force someone to have sex, whether it's with you or someone else, is that not rape?
	Is he calling God a rapist?
	God, I'm very disappointed in you.
	What kind of sicko, super lord, sits there using people like little plastic figurines and making them bone each other?
	I mean, it was a terrible, strange act of God.
	He did an astonishing thing that defies me.
	I was astonished, and so was Michael.
	Michael had made no mention of sleeping with his sons.
	I got a feeling this was a story I wasn't supposed to hear.
	And when Michael found out I knew, he asked me for an opportunity to explain just how God had made it happen.
	Okay, just pause here.
	Who are these people?
	Are cult leaders just charismatic and eloquent sociopaths who manage to aggregate mentally ill, lonely people?
	Is that what's going on here?
	Because I don't get it.
	And I don't get how much they believe.
	Like, this guy's about to explain how God told him to sleep with his daughter-in-law.
	How much of you are lying?
	Like, I just, I want to go to, you know, those tarot card readers and those palm readers?
	They're usually Puerto Rican here in New York.
	I just want to go up to them with a syringe of heroin and just inject her.
	And then as she's sort of nodding off, go, how much of this do you believe?
	Oh, Mira, Mira, nothing.
	I just, I need to get money.
	I'm doing Mexican more than Puerto Rican.
	You get the idea.
	I stood up like this.
	Fuck your daughter-in-law.
	And suddenly, I was forced down on the floor, and I had to get down.
	I was down just about like this.
	And I was in pain.
	Yep, I remember this.
	And all I could do was groan.
	All I could do was kind of rock.
	Well, I was.
	I was in, what's the word?
	giving you a lot of force.
	I started seeing that the consummation with Christiana was imminent, and I was going to be...
	First of all, this fucker is lying.
	I didn't do shit to him.
	I didn't squish him on the ground.
	Squish him on the ground?
	I kill everyone.
	I squish their heads like nothing.
	I take a building, swat it away, like it's nothing.
	So pushing some little skinny old man down on the ground, not my thing.
	This guy's talking about how horny he was.
	He had such a boner for his daughter-in-law that he fell down to the ground and go, holy shit.
	I'm going to fuck her.
	I'm going to say that God did it, and then I get to bone this woman I've been staring at for two years now.
	Don't put this on me.
	That's gay.
	You're putting your boner on me.
	I don't want your boner on me.
	I was going to have to do that.
	I was just laying awake and I was thinking about coming over here.
	And I said to Father, I said, when I go over there, if Michael invites me in, I will ask for the consummation tonight.
	Look at the poor bastard.
	Was it just a single occasion, this literal physical consummation?
	No.
	It wasn't.
	You consummated more than once.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Why is it necessary to consummate more than once?
	Of course.
	Could you not answer that?
	I think he expects the sunglasses to lower down on his head and then the word thug life to appear.
	And then don't dunk ding, ding, dung, ding.
	Yaba deba do.
	Once.
	Could you not answer that question yourself?
	When you marry a wife, do you consummate only once?
	Does she stop being married to you after your wedding day?
	The world would look at it a different way.
	You know, they would just see that an affair happened or something.
	But that's not what happened.
	Look into her eyes.
	She's severely damaged.
	And that, the second one they showed, she's not severely damaged.
	There's just nothing there.
	It's like looking into the eyes of a dead goat.
	Your wife, if there's one thing that disgusts her, it's the idea of your father.
	I guess because you, your dad looks like an ugly version of you.
	I always describe my dad as me with AIDS.
	So there's no attraction.
	I remember one time my dad left his underwear at our house, and they got in with our dirty laundry, and then they were in mine, and then I just started wearing them.
	And every time I was wearing my dad's underwear, my wife was completely repulsed.
	But the idea that this mentally deranged lunatic, the one that looks kind of Indian, was looking forward to having sex with her father-in-law shows how phenomenally mentally damaged she is.
	They're kind of like pimps in a way.
	And that's a very accurate analogy in this particular case, where they just sort of take in the lost sheep, the damaged goods, and they say, I'll make you safe.
	I'll be your new leader.
	And they go, thank you.
	Bizarre.
	Anyway, that one isn't as fun as the others.
	The others I watch, like Whiskey, Adderall, it makes me laugh.
	But when I watch that one, I just sort of go, whoa.
	Here's a much better cult one.
	This is from a documentary called Three Miles North of Malcolm.
	I watch this about every couple months and have done so for, I'd say, 10 years.
	And this is just like a little smelling salts.
	Just sort of wakes you up, makes you feel good again.
	This guy practices a type of self-defense wherein you use energy to knock people down, to protect yourself, and it works.
	And the proof of it, proof is in the pudding, where they actually try this out and see if it does make you invincible.
	Can you turn it up?
	So don't be frightened of your passion and your dark energy.
	Please use it in this.
	So if you find just this is another thing I love about it.
	Look how confidently they're walking.
	They're almost like Mother Natch with their, they're just like, yep, look at that one.
	Look at that woman.
	Are these, I guess these are mentally ill people too.
	Go back.
	They're just like, yep, taking care of business.
	Look at her strut.
	Yep.
	Got to go use dark energy to create a force filter on myself.
	Yeah.
	So if you find you've got feelings coming up, then just use it more in the practice.
	Okay.
	Thank you.
	So first of all, you need to build it up.
	Put our hands on the belly, like this.
	You can put the thumbs up if you like.
	It's to make contact with our source of power, the Hara, the Tantian, center of energy in the body.
	And when I say breathe out, and you blow out a black smoke, which is ill the negativity, the tiredness, anything that is pain in your body, just breathe it out.
	And you keep your breath out and you tighten the body.
	And first of all, you look to the right and you imagine all this energy around your body and you feel yourself pulling it in.
	But you tighten the hold of the body, looking to the right, pull the energy in, looking to the left and the same.
	I think he's talking about the TV movie.
	Master of Tai Chi.
	And then I say, look up.
	Pull the energy down into your body.
	And lock it in the belly.
	Look up.
	Look up!
	Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
	Yes.
	Coming up right away.
	Good.
	Push down.
	Hands together.
	Hands back on the belly.
	As soon as you get to chest height, then cross the arms.
	Keep your focus.
	Cross the arms.
	As long as it's getting I don't know how long away the good part is.
	Oh, dude, you got to scroll until way down.
	I guess this is the whole documentary.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Okay, don't go any farther.
	So she's just...
	You can put around a baby.
	The baby's invincible.
	It doesn't have to be like some tough guy, some WWE dude standing there taking your blows.
	It can just be your mom.
	If your mom harnesses the energy of the universe, you can't do anything to her.
	She's invincible.
	But she has to believe.
	Let's see how that goes.
	Lovely pink.
	They're showing her how to do this.
	Got it.
	I feel like you might be bluffing, but okay.
	You have all that energy in there?
	Look what he does.
	Look at me.
	Look at me.
	I'm hurt too.
	I'm having a Seizure you see what happened there?
	So I think he knocked her unconscious and he realized this is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
	I just fucked up big time.
	I just rammed into a six-year-old woman at 100 miles an hour.
	So then after he sees that, he goes down and starts going.
	What it was was just like an intense energy exchange where we were both fucked up.
	It wasn't as simple as just her using a force field.
	It was both of our things combined.
	Anyway, let's watch this old lady getting smashed into again.
	Okay, you ready?
	I'm going to test your force field.
	And boom.
	Oh my God.
	And look at them all just stand there.
	Like unflappable.
	This is the gray police in a nutshell.
	This is why Trump Derangement Syndrome is so intense.
	Did she shit herself?
	Did she?
	I mean...
	The whole.
	Yeah.
	I've never done that before.
	And then he yells at her?
	What does he say to her?
	Turn it up.
	Where were you guys?
	Where the fuck were you guys?
	Where the fuck were you guys?
	We were right there.
	This guy's still warping.
	I gotta hold on to this ruse.
	There, you're fine.
	What did you think was going to happen?
	He was going to go bouncing off you and go flying into the water?
	Like, if you're going to do a lie, like, he should have maybe ran up to her and went, what the hell?
	The Force Field's too good.
	And then fallen down.
	Yeah, it's his own thing.
	Yeah, he's the liar behind the whole thing.
	It's like a magician looking for the rabbit he just made disappear in his hat.
	Look at them with the kid.
	We should probably get out of here.
	Oh, the kid's sad.
	Check it out.
	That's probably like his nana.
	The kid's like, why did that weird hippie guy with long hair smash the living shit out of my nana?
	Oh, well, let me explain to you, little kid.
	Your instincts are wrong.
	Ours are right.
	What are they staring at?
	Is that guy having doubts?
	I haven't watched it this far in a long time.
	I usually just laugh my head off when she gets hit and leave.
	Turn it up.
	I think she's really connected to deep power, being so close to death and be, you know.
	Touching, she's like, she's touching.
	She's tired, you know?
	Touching on all these powers.
	She shoot herself.
	Did she really?
	Look at her touching her ass again.
	Touching, feeling, feels like she's touching.
	She's tired, you know?
	Touching on all these powers and deep power.
	Maybe he blew her tampon out.
	She has given up.
	That's my feeling.
	Like a cord.
	She is scary.
	It's a lot of movies.
	Alright, anyway, getting sucked in there.
	That was amazing.
	Have you seen that before?
	I vaguely remember you showing it once.
	But no.
	Isn't that the best?
	That's amazing.
	I have to watch that whole thing.
	He must be running at her, I'm going to say, 30 miles an hour.
	Conservatively.
	30 miles an hour.
	And then she just launches backwards.
	They must have hit heads, too.
	Anyway, let's clean the palette with an oldie but a goodie, of course.
	Gary Coleman and Arsinio.
	I'm sorry you're all too familiar with this, but we're putting together a list, a little binder of women, of our favorite clips.
	And yeah, there's going to be some greatest hits in there that you're already very familiar with.
	Let's just enjoy Gary being incredibly uncomfortable.
	Well, I could certainly admit that now, but I didn't know what it was then.
	But yeah, I think I did.
	You knew what it was.
	Come on now.
	I was only 9 to 18 or 16.
	Hey, I had those years of in the 16 area, you knew when you had to say cut.
	Excuse me for a minute.
	R. C. M. Wait a minute now.
	I didn't get a chance to Mac because AIDS came out in 82, so all the women kind of ran and hid while they kind of sorted this thing out.
	So I really didn't have a girlfriend that whole period.
	This man was murdered.
	I didn't really start dating good and being good at it, if you will, until about three years ago.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Oh, just let him let that guy out.
	Yeah, it's okay.
	Now, we did have a viewer who wrote it and said, hey, assholes, he's not talking about sex.
	What was that little sound I just made?
	Maybe that should become a new video clip.
	Karma death rattle.
	Someone wrote in and they go, no, he's not talking about sex.
	He's talking about dating, getting good at it, if you will.
	Thanks.
	Thanks for ruining our favorite video.
	And then, of course, the number one greatest video of all time is something we have discussed on this show and many other shows throughout the years.
	I've watched this 80 billion times.
	Please don't do a parody of it.
	You can never come close.
	Just enjoy it.
	Why do I like this video so much?
	I think it's because I've been shitfaced at work and hoped people didn't notice, like on Milo's show, and you think, I can hold this together.
	And seeing someone think they can hold together is like seeing a baby in a suit.
	No, no one thinks you're boss baby.
	No one thinks you're the CEO of General Electric.
	You're a baby.
	You're not in control of your faculties.
	Turn camera.
	102, take one.
	With overlap.
	Action, please.
	Action awesome, please.
	Action awesome please.
	Just do anything?
	Now, there's some myths about this that I've noticed after watching it 600 times.
	Pause.
	People say she's laughing.
	I've watched it.
	She's not laughing.
	She keeps her composure the whole time.
	I like the concept of her cracking up.
	That's funny, but it's not true.
	Also, for several years, we argue that he was saying, Just say anything.
	And that's hilarious because I don't know what the budget for commercials was back then, but I'm going to throw out $300,000, right?
	This is probably like $79,000.
	And he says, just say anything?
	No, say the script that we spent thousands and thousands of dollars writing and going over and over and over.
	Unfortunately, once again, viewers wrecked it and pointed out that what he's really saying is, does this do anything?
	Pointing to the bottle of Paul Massan.
	Wine that's brewed with the finest excellence.
	Fermented in a bottle.
	And he assumes that the bottle is going to be the cue.
	So then he goes, oh, the bottle isn't the cue.
	I start.
	Okay.
	So then he goes to say, ah, the French champagne.
	And his wasted mind doesn't help him, doesn't do him any favors.
	So, Action awesome, please.
	Just do anything.
	No, it doesn't do anything.
	Sorry, Carl.
	You start.
	Just say, ah, the French champagne.
	102, take two.
	Ah, the French champagne has always been celebrated.
	The pinky is now my favorite thing.
	Oh, yeah, the pinky is good.
	French champagne has always been celebrated for its excellence.
	There's a California champagne by Parmasson.
	Inspired by that same French excellence.
	It's fermented in the bottle and like the best French champagne.
	It's vintage dated to Parmasson.
	I think what they ended up doing is dumping in his voice.
	They got him sober later and just said it in a sound studio.
	Anyway, that is the greatest video ever made.
	And all of these videos are not the funniest or the most outrageous or the most viral.
	They are the most soothing thing.
	So during these trying times, when you're looking for some holiday cheer, why not indulge yourself with some video water fountains that just release endorphins and show you how hilarious Clown World can be?
	music
	Oh, good.
	I found my pen.
	I don't like this pen.
	Something about blue on this camera just is too blue.
	You know what I mean?
	Really soaks up the blue.
	Well, yeah.
	Well, yeah, yeah.
	What's up with that?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	That pen is blue as a mug.
	Should we check the mailbag?
	We can totally do that, yeah.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a...
	Ryan, shut up.
	I want to show that Miss America thing.
	Okay.
	Speaking of viral videos.
	This is the viral video show day.
	So I sent it post.
	It's not in today's notes.
	It's a more recent email.
	And I also sent you some pictures because I saw this interesting picture that it's a meme.
	But God, watching you work is frustrating.
	Go to your email.
	Check your recent email.
	What happened is...
	Are you sure?
	Here, I'll show my email.
	And you can tell me if you see it.
	Well, last time we weren't able to deal with your emails because...
	That's been fixed.
	Now I got two emails.
	Just keep using the old one.
	Ryan, my inbox shows all my emails.
	You just click on inbox.
	That's now all your emails.
	Did you not know that till right now?
	I usually just keep it on the other one.
	Wait a minute.
	You didn't know till right now that when you click inbox, it's all your inboxes?
	Yeah, but I use Spark.
	It cleans it all up because I get a lot of mailbags.
	I got five accounts I'm logged into.
	How many are you logged into?
	About the same.
	One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
	One, two, three, four, five, six.
	I got six.
	All right.
	So next time, go to inbox if you're looking for things in your inbox.
	Alrighty.
	So this was interesting, this hockey thing.
	Changing U.S. demographics and hockey's attitude toward race have forced the NHL to confront a problem for which it doesn't really have an answer.
	This is like the black quarterback thing where they go, we need more black quarterbacks.
	You don't think a football team is 100% focused on winning?
	That's all they care about.
	We could have that crazy agent dog-kicking chick.
	If she was a good quarterback and she was throwing like Eli Manning, she's in.
	Well, I'm not sure they can take women, but he's in.
	If it was a little tiny drag queen, they let murderers stay on their teams because they're good for business.
	So if there was plenty of black quarterbacks that were qualified, you think there's going to be racism?
	Sorry, man, I don't like black dudes.
	But the team's like 70% black.
	I know, I'm pissed about it.
	Trying to get them out.
	Okay.
	Well, good luck with getting black people out of the NFL.
	Have a great time.
	But anyway, hockey now has to avoid the meritocracy of best player for the job and go down, move that thing out of my way.
	It presents an existential threat to hockey, a sport that is virtually all white.
	Diversify or die.
	I don't understand that.
	Like they mean that black people have to start coming to hockey games or the whole NHL is going to be over?
	What's the die part?
	Anyway, beauty pageants don't have this problem.
	Beauty pageants are incredibly diverse, which is great news.
	Nope, same email, dude.
	same fucking email.
	Ooh.
	I just could have waited out.
	What are you doing?
	You can't See that there's two attachments in an email?
	No, they just show up as pictures.
	Yeah, but when you click on an email, it says it shows you that there's two attachments there.
	Look next to the paperclip.
	I was being practiced when you said Miss Beauty Pageant, there's another email that says Miss whatever.
	So I was like, oh, that's because it's the subject at hand.
	So we will be discussing it.
	Right.
	Right.
	Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, Miss America, Miss Universe, Miss World are all black women in historic first.
	So this is diversity, according to Clown World.
	Finally.
	Miss Universe is not that hot.
	Miss Teen USA looks like a dude.
	Miss America, I don't know what she looks like.
	Miss USA, sure.
	And then who's that on the right?
	Is that Miss?
	Miss World.
	Miss World's pretty hot.
	In other words, it's not okay to be white.
	But while we're on this subject and while we're talking about hilarious videos, this is so weird and overly dramatic.
	This is a woman, Miss Nigeria, finding out that she didn't win Miss World.
	The green is Nigeria.
	Jamaica is going to win.
	But watch the green dress.
	she's the loser to be clear We run away from them?
	Maybe she wants to just steal the moment?
	And then Miss Jamaica's equally irritating with the overacting.
	She acts like she was...
	I lost my baby.
	But it's worth it.
	Because I'm Miss World.
	I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.
	Look at this.
	Jesus.
	Oh, will you relax?
	I feel like even if I was her husband, I'd say that was kind of annoying.
	Congratulations, I guess.
	But Jesus Christ, that look you gave.
	Ah, there we go.
	At dinner with their family.
	Isn't that funny that's considered sexist to say smile?
	And that woman just said to her, smile.
	And it totally made her way less annoying instantly.
	That looks kind of cheap.
	It looks like shit, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Is that a kit you make with a glue gun?
	She's smelling her hands because she's going to be shaking a lot of hands later and she doesn't want to grow someone in it.
	Miss World.
	Who made that hat?
	Miss Guam?
	What the fuck's on your head, lady?
	Lego?
	Are you wearing Lego?
	Miss Lego.
	That's so silly.
	The most beautiful woman in all of Lego.
	Like, oh, you dropped the brick.
	I literally cannot imagine being in this audience and giving a flying fuck about any of this.
	Maybe if my sister or mom or daughter was in it, I guess.
	I'd go, I hope she wins.
	Because it's important to her.
	Everything about it sucks, too.
	Like, it's too spacious.
	They don't know how to fill that room.
	The screens suck.
	The lights are all campy.
	The chicks are all black.
	Just kidding.
	All right.
	Let's go to the mail room.
	Are you allowed to make offensive jokes if you say just kidding after?
	I hope so.
	We get like 50 emails a day.
	So every time I do these, you know what we should do?
	The next two shows or the next two live shows, we should catch up on all the mail.
	All right.
	Or at least try to take a chip out of it.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mail back.
	Let me touch it.
	Here, Ryan, I was thinking about you and how you don't have a dad, but you're going to visit him at Christmas, which frustrates me because I think you're wasting your love energy.
	But I'd like to present you live with your Christmas bonus of a thousand bucks.
	No.
	I'm just going to just say something.
	I haven't looked at it yet.
	Just says fat.
	Did you say something mean?
	Are you serious?
	Yeah, that's actually pretty standard for a Christmas bonus.
	Really?
	But giving a Puerto Rican money is like giving a fish a bath.
	I don't know what to do.
	So I'm just throwing money into a paper shop.
	Don't do it for the camera, dude.
	Severely awkward there.
	I think the bike was already a Christmas present.
	I consider the ski trip a Christmas present, so I don't know why I have to also pay money, but I would be remiss if I skipped it a Christmas bonus.
	I'd be remiss.
	I would remiss you if you weren't around.
	What's in that mailbag?
	No, thank you, seriously.
	Well, you've already blown it, really, on that stupid plane ticket.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, I'm going to show it to my dad and be like, hey, guess who's...
	This one is from John.
	I think race is bullshit.
	So what he's doing is he's telling you what the YouTube video is saying, and it's absurd.
	And the YouTube video is saying, I think race is bullshit because some guys are deformed, some have no legs, some no arms.
	And I think one might just be a retard.
	Thought you could do this on the show.
	But we get good content, don't we?
	What are you doing, Ryan?
	Typing in race is bullshit.
	What?
	Race is bullshit.
	But just go to the most recent mailbag thing.
	Jesus Lord, I just paid you money.
	This is the men's 50 meters backstroke S4 classification final.
	Is this the Special Olympics?
	Maybe you're saying racing is bullshit?
	Because they're about to race.
	Oh, this race.
	I messed up.
	Oh, that's what makes it possible.
	I think this race is bullshit.
	I was kidding, by the way.
	Yeah, I screwed up.
	No, I've already written about this in Tachymag.
	The Paralympics is a complete farce.
	They have an almost totally random criteria to define what your handicap is, right?
	And everyone's different.
	And then they penalize them separately in different ways.
	So that guy with no legs will have a slightly easier time of it than the guy with legs or legs and no arms.
	And you should hear the criteria.
	It's just made up.
	The whole Paralympics thing is just like a courtesy for people who are handicapped.
	There's no actual merit to it.
	It's just there to make us feel good about ourselves.
	This should be called, you want to see people drown or no?
	Because how's that guy going to swim?
	Well, I found out later his name is Bob, and it's not a nickname.
	It's a nickname.
	Fuck, I ruined the joke.
	My nose is so itchy, I wish I could scratch it.
	That's terrible.
	That's a stupid joke.
	God, I apologize for making He's got one leg?
	So all this guy has to do is finish the race and he gets a gold medal.
	Whereas the guy with Down syndrome, who's in great shape, whoa, look how fat that athlete is.
	You would think that he's using his core a lot to compensate.
	Do they have 16 lifeguards on duty?
	This is what we're starting to see in sports.
	We're starting to see people ignore meritocracy and go by feelings.
	It's going to ruin sports just like it ruins everything else.
	I'm happy to watch this, though.
	Whoa, what happened to my screen there?
	Took a moment there on the box.
	Appeared extremely calm and still.
	My article on this subject.
	Showing excellent.
	You'll notice that I've pretty much covered everything already when you come up with a concept is called Paralympic Piffle.
	I wrote it in 2012 at tachymag.com.
	Oh, that's a handy trick.
	Huge cheers for the Brazilian athlete.
	He's like a little woman.
	Although Petracek is challenging in lane four, it's got to be close to the bottom.
	How is this a race?
	They're actually doing pretty way better than I thought.
	Hold on, they're all going to be fairly good.
	Remember there was that African swimmer in the Olympics who couldn't finish?
	Really?
	Only 20 minutes of the pool left to go.
	I fear that the Olympics are going to be a little bit more.
	He just started swimming that year.
	But he was the best swimmer in the country because it was some African shitball.
	Go back, go back.
	So it's the worm guy in the league.
	Until he hits his head and knocks himself unconscious.
	Oh my God, he did.
	He can push right to the wall.
	It will be Petracek claiming the goal.
	Ouch.
	What's that flag?
	Is that Cuba?
	Oh, Petriche.
	Help!
	But the line of the middle of the city.
	Such a lame joke.
	Czechoslovakia, it's all the Czech Republic.
	Oh, the Czech Republic, sorry.
	That's your article.
	Piffle.
	This is...
	But this guy has said that social distortion is not punk.
	I've seen them.
	Please look up Mike Ness makeup.
	The Mike Ness monster.
	You're talking to a 49-year-old who was into punk in the early 80s.
	So of course I'm familiar with social distortion.
	Of course, I've seen his stupid makeup and how he says it's good for sympathy to wear eye makeup.
	And of course, I know social distortions suck shit.
	To me, it's very fashionable.
	And it's a look that I've wanted for a long time.
	Most guys don't know how to wear makeup anyways.
	Yes.
	Naturally, they think you're gay.
	He's a total Hillerite who recently jumped into the audience.
	They're still going, social D. I just kind of like the sympathetic look when I'm on stage.
	It just looks more natural, too.
	But it kind of like looks as though you've been crying or something.
	Kind of makes me have a sympathetic feeling.
	And he beat the shit out of a Trump supporter because he was like, fuck Trump.
	Anyone in here likes Trump?
	They can fuck off.
	And the guy's like, I'm kind of a fan.
	And he jumped in the audience and beat him.
	All right.
	Last letter here.
	This, again, is from the report request, so I don't really have it in.
	Oh, no, Amy.
	Hey, guys, Gavin Milo and Ryan.
	That's a first.
	The cheetah pastel backdrop combined with dark neutral set furniture, Milo's platinum locks are lovely, but fade into the backdrop, made the last Friday night episode look very tough to stomach visually.
	Oh, Ryan's going to be pissed.
	Gavin, how could you sleep through and be such a drunken mess on the episode?
	It was great.
	You proved Friday night that you are competent, even inebriated, at least somewhat.
	Oh, thank you.
	I'm surprised I didn't get more shit for being such a negligent fuckwad.
	Well, I mean, you were on time and you were waiting there for a while.
	You came there early.
	You know, the show started a little late.
	No, I was on time.
	Everyone else was late.
	When Milo's mic went silent, I wanted to box you for being rude.
	How could you abandon live taping for the toilet twice?
	I have no recollection of that whatsoever.
	Really, you don't?
	Nope.
	I barely remember that.
	I could fill you in.
	What happened?
	You went to go take a tinkle, and it messed up the mic frequencies because they depend on, you know, both of them need one of the mics around or whatever.
	So when you left the area, it confuses the whole shit.
	So the second time you were going to take a piss, we said, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	And we all stopped you.
	And then we said, you got to, you can't.
	I should have taken it.
	You should have had me take my mic off and leave it there.
	What we thought instead is you just pissed inside of a thing, inside of Garrett's metal mug, which he's no longer using.
	Really?
	That happened, yeah.
	Somebody gave it to him.
	It was like, it's made out of like a military shell, like a tank shell or something.
	He's not drinking from my piss cup anymore?
	No, you threw your hat.
	Look how ornery.
	Of booty-shaking African-American excess?
	That was a fucking total waste of time.
	That piss cup.
	What was a total waste of time?
	That video of the Santa people dancing?
	I almost remember that.
	Santa people.
	You slept through the show.
	You also proved that Milo is so much the public speaker that he kept that episode together in spite of your blunders and the libertarian idiots.
	Daniel Chrisman, she writes in brackets.
	Insistence on discussing monopolies.
	Chrisman seemed very dim, though Milo was gracious enough to only unearth fragments of his guest's lunacy and ridiculous political ramblings.
	Daniel does not seem to grasp how capitalism makes America great with a free market.
	I was drawn in when you and Milo discussed the New York murders by the BHI.
	Is it possible that you two are really onto something with regards to the actual verses intended victims of a cover-up?
	I could not stop watching.
	By the way, I didn't get fired.
	I quit my job today.
	Amy.
	Yeah, we got someone else who wrote in about that black Hebrew Israelites thing.
	Where did I put that?
	Oh, are you looking for that?
	By the way, remember they did that All in the Family reboot and then the Jeffersons with Woody Harrelson and Jamie Foxx?
	Yes.
	They got another one tonight.
	It's All in the Family in Good Times.
	Okay.
	So the last one, you know, I don't know.
	It was a little cucked.
	It was boring.
	It was a little cucked.
	But, you know, it's kind of exciting.
	This is cuckery.
	I think Kevin Bacon is the new Archie Bunker.
	Yeah, someone sent in a letter saying, no, you're spreading bullshit conspiracy theories online.
	Where did he say that?
	I'm sorry, this is annoying.
	Okay, there we go.
	Is it this?
	This article clearly states the sequence of events.
	This is from.
	Oh, boy.
	This is from what, Ryan?
	Actually, it doesn't tell me when it's forwarded.
	It says the article clearly states the sequence of events.
	The detective was killed when he went to examine a suspicious truck in the graveyard.
	There it is.
	Yeah.
	Is that to mailbag?
	It was to support forward.
	Right, so not mailbag.
	That's no longer my email for some strange reason.
	Yeah, so read that email again, sorry?
	Yeah.
	The article clearly states the sequence of events.
	The detective was killed when he went to examine a suspicious truck in the graveyard.
	There were no cops chasing the assailants at that point.
	They found the market.
	Whether they knew about it before or not is immaterial.
	Then they shot the people who died as they entered the market.
	By the time the cops arrived, the victims had already been killed.
	You're engaging in conspiracy theories for, seemingly, no other reason than you're not familiar with all the facts.
	I know we hate the times, but here's a little reason.
	There's little reason for them to lie about any of this.
	I agree with them on that.
	But listen to your own email, right?
	There was a shooting in the cemetery where a detective was killed.
	If it was the two perps that did the mass shooting, what do you mean no cops were chasing them?
	You don't shoot a detective and then go on a stroll and say, all right, that was kind of distracting, but do you want to carry out our terror attack now?
	Hmm.
	I mean, just take about 10 steps back and go, isn't it weird that right before a mass shooting, there was a shootout with the same people at a cemetery?
	That's all I'm saying.
	Now, at Charlie Ebdo, when they were on their way to do the terror shooting, they ran into cops.
	That's different.
	This was a totally unrelated incident.
	Even if it had happened two days before, a day before, I wouldn't be so obsessed with it.
	But it happened immediately before.
	Maybe I have to research this better.
	I didn't know that.
	The first body was found stuffed inside the trunk of a Lincoln town car.
	They mentioned a moving van.
	Okay, scroll down.
	Tuesday, a police officer.
	No, no, no.
	Joe Seals was on duty nearby.
	He grew up in the area, joined the force.
	He was apparently on his way to meet a confidential blah, blah, blah.
	God, they're so verbose at the New York Times.
	Where weeds grow thick among the graves.
	Fuck off.
	Yeah, there's no need for that, right?
	Go down.
	Whoa.
	Cemetery picture.
	Okay.
	Shortly afterward, he was shot dead at the hands of a couple who then...
	Okay, that is the paragraph that is confusing me.
	Shortly afterward, Detective Seals was shot dead at the hands of a couple who carried out I guess that's possible.
	But that's, I want more exposition there.
	Like, you're on your way to go do a mass shooting, an anti-Semitic mass shooting, which I do still think it was.
	I believe the black Hebrew Israelites are anti-Semitic.
	But then, like, on the way, hey, look, there's a cup there.
	He's asking questions.
	Anywho.
	I've never heard of that before.
	Having an unrelated shooting on your way to a hate crime.
	He had spotted a you.
	Oh, wait, so he wasn't even inspecting their van, and they were like, oh, this guy's getting suspicious.
	And bam, they shot him.
	Yeah, that had nothing to do with them.
	That's conceivable, but I want more exposition there.
	Right.
	All right, we're out of time.
	Kind of weird.
	But let's end with another fantastic video today on the videos show.
	And if you like this format, we can focus more on viral videos regularly.
	I thought that top 10 list was a little repetitive.
	But maybe, why aren't we allowed to be repetitive?
	The Rolling Stone's been playing the same fucking songs for 50 years.
	Comedians have to get a new material a year, but they get to do a whole year of the same 15 minutes.
	I got to have a whole new show every single goddamn day.
	I can't enjoy watching some old lady get rammed on the beach for not having a strong enough force field.
	See, I'm laughing just remembering it.
	Boy, she really goes flying, doesn't she?
	You know, I don't think she pooped herself, though.
	I think she may have pissed herself.
	Or I didn't see a wet spot, but I think she actually suffered some kind of tailbone pain.
	But she landed on the beach.
	Yeah.
	But with the weight of another man crashing in.
	what do you think was going to happen?
	He would just go and then land in the water.
	Well, now your cult just went from 13 people to 13 million people, sir, because you're fucking magic.
	And I'm not Christian anymore.
	I don't believe in Jesus.
	You're the Messiah.
	I have to reboot everything.
	All scientists have to go back to school.
	Everything we know about physics is wrong.
	Pretty major breakthrough.
	I would say the most major breakthrough since Jesus Christ and the miracles.
	Welcome to the new religion of you.
	So that's one possibility.
	The other possibility, which is a lot more likely, is that you send this woman careing across the beach at slightly less than your 30 miles an hour.
	Let's say 28, I think, when she initially was struck.
	Anyway, let's end it with this guy, Iron E. Singleton.
	I'd never heard of him before I saw this video.
	He's apparently a member of the cast member of Walking Dead.
	I don't know that show.
	Oh, that's why I recognize him.
	Oh my God.
	Collaboration with the Canadian rock band Surface Rising, and they joined us here in studio this morning to perform their single What do you think you gave them?
	Like, here's five grand.
	I need you to do music for me.
	I'm kind of a zombie now.
	I knew I wasn't.
	I gotta be honest.
	I kind of like his outfit.
	Yeah.
	I kind of like everything that happens from this broad.
	I'm psycho.
	This is my favorite part coming up.
	I am mentally deranged.
	Keep this first of me, the ultimate dragon.
	My takers from blood and door.
	What a catastrophe.
	Robbery, rape, and murder.
	Dig them in an enemy.
	This is a cessation from eating.
	Can get the best of could the sound be worse?
	Imagine he's working the soundboard.
	It's really thin and bad and shitty.
	Yeah, it sounds like it's recorded on a cassette.
	Did you hear the MIDI intro?
	It was like a psychogenesis.
	It was like when did the chorus start?
	It just sort of shows up.
	The chorus comes wandering into the song from outside.
	Does this do anything?
	Does this chorus anything?
	chorus, Orson.
	The solo during...
	'Cause emo's lurking, maybe not.
	'Cause emo's lurking, maybe not.
	I want these guys to play at my funeral.
	They should have changed the lighting for them.
	There's so much that the studio, like, these guys obviously are a joke, but there's so much the studio could have done.
	With better sound, lowering the lights.
	Maybe throwing some ghosts in there.
	Like actual ghost, like summon a demon.
	Yeah, summon a demon, open up the floor, have hell show up.
	Light people on fire.
	Just with a little bit of like that.
	Just maybe like a quarter inch of blood across the floor.
	Real blood.
	Maybe pigs, bud.
	'Cause we are,'cause we are, the walking dead.
	Love his carpet on his drum kit from his mom's house.
	Uh-oh, someone's out of gas.
	You gotta work on your cardio there.
	What's his name?
	Iron E. His name is spelled capital I-R-O-N.
	And then capital E. Have you ever seen that before?
	A word, anything, where you just all of a sudden have a capital E. Iron E. A lot of rappers I knew back in the day, they had more of a concept than skill.
	It's like Iron E, get it?
	Because I and E. Thank you for this gift.
	Amen.
	Let's eat.
	From Russia to Japan, to Iraq, to Sudan.
	United is to stay.
	This might not work for me.
	Oh, I'm starting to understand the lyrics.
	He's part of a global Walking Dead community.
	Like, he's a zombie in this song.
	And Sudan, Toronto, they all, I don't know how they network, maybe through like some sort of ulterior force in the cosmos.
	But he, him and the other zombies are a crew, yo.
	Oh, shit.
	We gotta go.
	Yeah.
	Oh, man.
	Okay.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.

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