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Dec. 16, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:12:44
S02E99 - DECK THE HALLS
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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.
The Hallsmith Bells of Hot Leaf.
It is the season.
Can you imagine liking that?
Why would you listen to a cappella if you're not stranded on a desert island with nothing else to do?
Like, why would you not want instruments?
It's sort of like when they play live music in bars and some guy gets out there with his guitar and he starts doing Simon and Garfunkel.
What are you doing?
Why not just play it and hear the actual guy?
What's so amazing about a guitar?
What is this?
1680?
Ooh, live music.
I love live music.
Why?
Why do you like loud sounds coming from right behind you?
We're in a tiny bar.
Why'd you bring a fucking amp?
An acoustic guitar is an amp.
The music shoots out that hole.
No, I got to plug it in.
Little ditty about Jack and Diane.
Two American.
Fuck off.
If I want to hear Jack and Diane, I'll listen to Jack and Diane.
And if I want to hear a drum, I'll go find a drum.
I won't have someone going, it's fucking cave music.
It's so unbelievably gay.
Go back to that video.
Like, people go to these concerts.
That's why you listen to a capella music right there.
So the Mexican guy with the little mustache, the little midget, is in a sexual relationship with the blonde guy.
And as I've said many times, I don't think the blonde guy's gay.
I think he's so politically correct that he allows that Mexican man to...
Fuck him up the ass.
Sorry, kids.
Why would we need to see that?
Because they do it all with their lips.
Look at Freddy Butt Hercury.
Oh my God.
He's too happy.
To gays.
I think gays are becoming spoiled brats.
Like at Whitewall or whatever it was, Stonewall, you know, we had gay bashing and they had a rough time of it for a while.
But I think the pendulum might have swung over to spoiled brat now.
He gets to ream some straight dude up the buns.
The buns.
That guy might be the gayest person in the world because he unifies every possible version of the word gay.
Yeah, it's super gay.
He's effective.
He's a midget, too.
This little guy?
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
Are we missing someone?
Yeah, where's the dude with the beard?
I didn't know there was a guy with a dude with a beard.
There used to be a hipster.
Oh my gosh, there's a new black guy.
I guess I need more bass.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, la, la, la, la.
Oh, psh.
Oh, psh.
Psh.
Oh, oh, oh.
What are you doing that for?
Even when there's no instruments, black people are still playing the bass.
That's amazing.
La, la, la, la, la, la.
She's pretty hot, isn't she?
That Latina?
I thought she was a Asian.
You know what just someone just sent me?
I won't show it on the show.
A whole nude leak of Demi Lovato.
And she is what you think she is.
Wow.
Although her breasts are very wide.
Wide.
Wide.
Wide are you, geek.
Wide are you, boobs.
So there's that.
That's the intro to the show.
Find another Pentatonix one.
He has like a...
He's got one of those floppy Smurf hats that hipsters wear.
*singing*
Oh, is that him?
There he is.
To the left?
Yeah.
Or the bottom.
Oh, my God.
Look, that's the midget.
Where's the midget?
The loser weirdo, Freddy Butt Hercury used to be a nerd.
A nerdy.
Wait, what?
That doesn't look like it.
It is him.
Oh, it is him.
Yeah, I can see it by his teeth.
He's got gay teeth.
Is that true?
Is that weird?
Yeah.
The jiz changes their molecular structure.
So what happened to him?
We've got to find out.
Wait.
Bearded guy out at Pentatonics.
No, no, I mean the guy with the hat on.
Oh.
He likes me.
He just looked up at me.
Yeah, well, it's kind of the camera.
Whoever is looking at the screen.
Imagine you met a guy, and he seemed like a cool dude at the bar.
You're hanging out with him.
He's super funny.
And then he goes, I got to go on tour.
Oh, you're in a band.
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
What kind of music do you guys play?
We fill stadiums, so very, very popular band.
Like, we get paid a lot of money.
We're very successful.
Oh, I didn't ask that.
What kind of music I was saying?
Oh, I mean, it's everything.
It's mostly covers, but we have a Christmas album.
Oh, so you play like country speed metal?
Well, no, there's no guitars.
I'm sorry?
Oh, is it like that band Lithium?
Or what's that band called?
Morphine?
Or it's just a saxophone?
Is that it?
Is that your leading it?
Because now I'm getting pissed off because I know where this is going.
No, it's a cappella.
Get the fuck out of my sight.
You piece of shit.
That's like when you'd meet super cool dudes that were funny and then you'd find out that they're in an improv troupe.
Like Fubar.
You know the movie Fubar?
Best guys in the world.
I hung out with them there at my wedding.
But they would do improv, like sitting in a chair with a fake steering wheel.
are we almost there?
I'm just like, what the fuck?
You guys do improv classes?
No, you may not.
You've never heard of Fubar?
I think from you, yeah.
It's like these two guys that...
It's like one of the best movies ever had next.
Yeah.
First one.
The second one ain't so hot.
Fubar too.
But you have to find out what happened to the bearded guy.
Yeah, so I'm guessing his name is...
They all say to present.
Yeah, yeah.
Former members, Avi Kaplan.
There we go.
There he is.
There he is.
What happened, Avi?
Avriel Benjamin.
We just lost him.
Well, not just.
Known for his deep bass voice.
What happened to Avi?
Is that a Jewish name?
Yeah.
Gabe Kaplan.
And he was leaving following.
Okay, you're not going to find gossip on Wikipedia, Mr. King of the Research.
Okay.
So remember this last week?
Hate spree?
He's talking to a dude who watches this show.
He brought up something that I'm kind of embarrassed I never thought of before.
Why the fuck would a mass shooting start out in a cemetery?
I'm a black Hebrew Israelite.
Here's my gun.
I'm going to go kill Jews.
I hate Jews.
Okay?
Oh, there it is.
There's the kosher deli.
Here I go.
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
A detective was investigating a homicide at a cemetery.
And look, this black Hebrew Israelite thing fits my narrative.
So I'm not going to be running to the presses with this.
If some bullshit helps my cause, then fine.
If it helps show America that there isn't this looming threat of Nazis hiding around every corner and you need Reem, racial and ethnically motivated extremism.
You want to make Reem the thing and Adam Woffin?
I swear to God, all weekend, I would remember that Proud Boys were listed in the same subhead as Adam Woffin, and I would physically just go, unfucking believable.
This journalist, who is really just a colostomy bag for her sources, come, just barfs out this story and puts Adam Woffen in the same name as a group with visible minorities, gays, blah, blah, blah.
And the New York Times is like, yep.
Let her go.
What happened to Avi?
Well, he spent a lot of time away from his family.
He was getting all sad.
I remember this now.
His tearful goodbye?
I remember this now.
He's just a pussy.
Look at this little fuck.
He quit because it was too hard to tour.
They're probably making a million bucks a year each.
And he's like, yeah, but I miss my kids.
Dude, people in the military are gone for a year and a half.
They bring home like 60 grand.
You can't fucking take a hit for a million bucks.
And you know, there'd be two week, three week spaces in there where you can fly back.
What a fucking loser.
Wait, maybe that's what he said.
And he was like, you know, ever since the nerd turned into a fag, I have to go.
I'm just weirded out that my buddy here has become gay.
But he's not.
Look, all the way to the right.
Anyway.
Look at the black guy.
He's like, I don't know what this motherfucker is thinking.
Million bucks isn't enough?
Okay.
Shoot.
Okay, let's hear.
...is because I have an announcement to make.
This decision is something that I've been struggling with a lot.
And I just found out how people feel about a cappella music.
Oh.
I had no idea.
No, this is what he's going to say.
Oh.
I just thought we were in kind of a cool band, but I met a guy named Gavin McInnes at a bar in Midtown called Jimmy's Corner.
And he pointed to the door and said, get the fuck out.
And I thought, I am going to get the fuck out.
Out of this stupid band.
Been one of these.
Gavin, if you're watching, I apologize.
In my entire life.
Where are the tears?
These past six years have been a little bit coaster.
It's been so gay and retarded.
Oh, there it is.
There we go.
Oh, boy.
And the people that we've touched that music.
Look at that.
And the people who judge me that music.
Touch that music.
Oh, my God.
That might have to become a video clip.
That touch that music.
We can play it after every opening song.
Look at the black guy.
Fuck this shit.
They are paying me a lot.
And the Mexican is the same way.
She's like, I should have painted my design.
No, not her.
She's on board.
The two guys on either end, they chose to sit there, and they're just like, this is so fucking retarded.
But yeah, let's do the announcement.
Look at this.
Let's do the announcement.
This evil, heartless queb.
Oh my God, I would love to get this black guy.
Yeah, that guy's crying.
I'm raping a straight guy every fucking night.
No, the black guy.
Imagine the black guy's stories about Avi on tour and what a fucking puss he is and how he brings his pillow from home to every hotel and how he always gets room service, but it's never booze.
It's French onion soup and green tea and how much he hates him and how much he caught him once not doing shots.
So the black guy would buy shots for everyone, but he would see Avigo and throw it behind his head and he actually got it in some chick's eyes.
His shoulders was wet.
Oh, ow!
And he was laughing about it.
No, he denied it.
Yeah, but he was also, I saw him giggling.
Why are you making this black guy so black?
I don't know.
Yo, I saw her giggling there.
He's like, Bernie Mac.
I saw her giggling.
I said, she giggling back there.
I ain't afraid of you, motherfucker.
I ain't afraid of you.
That's my Bernie Mac.
I didn't know I had one.
Yeah.
He sounds like some kids are jumping up and down on his stomach.
Yeah, fuck them.
I don't know how to fake shit.
My stomach ate a jumpbeline.
I knew a woman out there.
You need to suck Dick Moe.
I love that punchline.
You need to suck Dick Moe.
That is.
Actually, if you look at 1.6.
Oh.
That's how he talks.
But don't leave this.
I mean, leave it.
Dear black guy, if you can please tell me, he's never going to tell me the gossip.
It would cost him millions and millions of dollars.
But I want to stalk him, find out what bar he drinks in, and just sort of saddle up.
Hey, anyone sitting here?
What?
No, no.
Oh, man.
I worked with this total pussy who really got on my nerves, and then the fucker quit.
I was like, what a loser.
Anyway, that's my personal story.
Want a shot?
You mean one that I'm not going to throw over my shoulder?
Over your shoulder?
Why would anyone throw a shot over their shoulder?
That sounds so kooky.
Bartender, we're going to need a couple rounds.
Bartender, lock the front doors.
When he farts, it smells like rotten eggs.
It's a real bummer.
I once saw this guy cry his fucking eyes out at Adora the Explorer cartoon.
Okay, so go to 1-6.
Let's see here.
I didn't get a chance to style my do, so it's getting kind of Scottish Jufro-y.
Scottish Jufroy.
Scottish Jufroy.
Go!
Scottish Jufroy!
That's what you call an Italian Scottish guy, or a Scottish guy who wishes that he was Italian.
Scottish Guffroy.
Okay, today.
Ha ha!
This is him!
King's a conatour!
Ha ha!
Talking about sex!
What are you doing?
I don't know.
Facebook led me to a place.
You must have touched something else.
Why are you showing everyone this blank screen?
And why is your internet so slow?
Are you exporting something?
No.
My internet's fine.
I know.
And my computer's right next to yours.
I think it's because I've done something to deserve this, and I'm not in God's good graces any longer.
I've had a string of bad luckities.
And that's okay.
See if you can understand Bernie Mac.
Stop telling the truth.
I'm saying what you scared to say.
Ain't nothing wrong with you.
God see you do it.
Everybody in this room crazy some bitches.
Everybody in this room eat pussy.
But to me, women on, y'all got a problem.
We're going to talk about it.
Talk about it.
I take this shit.
You won't take it.
See, I'm telling like a tweet out of here.
I'm saying what you're scared to say.
No problem.
But speak y'all don't like something on dick.
I'm sick of this shit.
We're going to talk about it here tonight.
We're going to talk about it.
We're going to talk about it.
Imagine Bernie Mac was your dad.
You know, y'all act like it's a union or no dick took calls or something.
Especially black women.
Women.
Sorry, folks.
But yeah, sorry, to get back to this hate spree, a few other things in the news.
The cemetery thing is pretty big.
Now, you could say, well, there happened to be a shootout.
Bang, bang, bang, shot the detective.
Then they're running and they go, hey, we're anti-Semites.
We're running down the street from these cops.
Let's choose the kosher grocer to duck into.
I mean, it fits, it obfuscates the liberal narrative, so I'm not going to spend too much time on it.
But does that really make sense to you?
Am I calling the shooting a false flag?
I hope not.
Because that's for weird people to say.
But when you're running from cops for your life and you just killed the cop, the religion of the venue isn't huge on your priority.
It's, does it have a back door?
Well, is there a fence I can jump over?
Can I escape?
Is it possible that anti-Semites can go on a accidental spree and accidentally?
Well, that's kind of where we're ending up.
Right.
Where they were like, hey, why don't we kill some Jews?
Right.
But you're running for your life with your guns.
And you're like, you know what?
On my to-do list, I'm going to kill some Jews.
Right, right.
Now, the theory that I got from this dude was, you know the way New York cops fire like Amadou Diallo.
He had like 15 shots in the bottom of his feet after he was knocked down because they just sort of go, and so all of those Amadou shots were in the span of maybe five seconds.
So it's possible that they were running in there and the cops were just like, and they killed the two Jewish people and the shooters.
Because when I was reading, it always said, they targeted the Jewish store.
Noah says they were killed.
Duo killed a cop and then three innocent bystanders were.
The duo killed a cop and then three innocent bystanders were slain in the store.
By who?
By cops?
I mean, just sit there and do the math yourself.
I had a shoot at a cemetery on my way to an anti-Semitic mass shooting.
Yeah, what is there to do there?
You show up at your mass shooting.
That's the only thing you do that day.
They were late to their mass shooting.
They were late.
They got a little tied up assassinating detectives.
Anyway, I'll drop it after that.
Speaking of black people, Zenoa was in town this weekend with her kids.
That's John Kinsman's black wife and her unbelievably adorable little kids.
Not the baby, but the other two.
They're about four and three.
It's ironic that there's a lot of four and three.
They're black because it's Irish twins.
But she's really strict about screens and stuff.
Can you flip my monitor here?
She's really strict about screens and phones and iPads, and it just makes better kids.
Like we had this little nativity scene in our living room made of wood, cheap thing from Target, whatever, Christmas decoration.
And she played with that, making her own little sounds.
Oh, she's so hard to sound.
For, I'm going to say two hours non-stop, having a great time.
And when she showed up to meet John at the prison, the COs were stunned because they're seeing a black woman go to meet the leader of a hate group.
So even the COs are brainwashed by this shit.
It's good seeing her.
I've heard now they're targeting like Max's girlfriend's family.
Antifa is.
They're really, you know what they are, Antifa?
They're anti-family because they don't have families.
So this is not about white supremacy.
They'd be obsessed with the black Hebrew Israelites if they were concerned about anti-Semitism and bigotry.
They just don't like you having a family.
They want to sabotage your family.
Fucking losers.
Also in the news, some chick was wearing two left shoes.
I said this to you as a picture.
I said this to you.
As a picture.
I said this to you as a picture.
I say things that you don't want to say.
Now you may not want to hear, but I don't want him to say it.
Hackney Abbott, clearly not a morning person, not only wearing two different shoes, but two left-footed shoes.
This lady could be in charge of the nation's security.
She can't even dress herself properly.
Next time, how about shoes that match?
This is a major British political figure.
Nothing to say about that scarf, though?
It's big.
It's a comforter.
It's big.
Imagine being so stupid, you leave the house with a left shoe.
No, two left shoes.
She has two left shoes on.
In kindergarten, you were taught a song that prevents that from happening.
Yeah.
What a stupid, useless piece of garbage.
Little kids do that.
Maybe, but around five, they start going, ah, this feels uncomfortable.
I don't like this.
There's got to be a story there.
Also, also important news item, a picture of a gigantic fat chick.
I love this site, Fat People Hate.
And I was just looking at the one in the mirror.
Like, do you know when these people defecate, how complicated it is?
They can't go on the toilet.
What's happening there?
I mean, this is, God gave us these bodies, right?
How is this not blasphemy?
God gave you the gift of life.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
And then you use it just to, what, eat chicken?
You look at those, how unnatural all those rolls are.
Your arm is part of your back now.
Why'd you do this?
What are you lying?
You don't even really have an arm.
It's like an upside-down boob.
It's like a batwing, but it's nothing.
Yeah, it's like, you look like a skeleton wearing a giant skin costume.
It's fun to sort of imagine where the skeleton is, the poor bastard.
And the muscles.
Like, imagine how tired she is.
I don't think you'll have to wait long to figure that out.
Anyway, that's all very important.
I haven't done your laundry either.
We are going to be...
So there's going to be a lot of fun stuff happening and a lot of new shows on the horizon.
New content.
Even a possible merger with another company.
Big shit happening.
Lots of wheeling and dealing.
Don't worry.
Your price won't go up.
I was just kidding.
Here's something that's been bugging me this weekend.
Women.
I was at my kids' basketball game on Sunday, and just the way they yell at the ref and stuff, it's sort of like talking shit to cops.
Like, if I see a ref give a bad call, I just go, Jesus.
But they sit there and they scream, really?
Really?
You're kidding me?
Like, where do they get this hubris from?
This is a new thing that I've noticed amongst the female community.
This incredible arrogance.
And it's just like I was saying about the pentatonics gay guy, the pendulum, the pentatonic pendulum swinging to the point where gays are just like, fuck hell.
I think we've gone from women being kind of annoying.
I mean, sorry.
Women being hidden in the kitchen where they're not allowed to do or think or say, to just shut the fuck up.
You're the boss of the world now.
There was a, I was talking to one of the basketball coaches at the bar after, and we brought the kids there for some wings.
And he told me about a game the previous week that we weren't at.
Our team wasn't at, I mean.
And this kid called another kid a fucking dick.
Hey, you're a dick.
Fucking dick.
And then walked away.
And the mother finds out about this.
Oh, and this is again what I'm talking about.
This like, I ain't having it.
And she grabs him and marches him over to the father.
She says, show me who said that.
He's like, poor bastard.
Now he's totally castrated.
He can't fight his own battles.
Got to have his mommy.
And he sort of points and she goes, get him, come here.
Yanking him over.
And she goes, your son just called my son.
She said the D word.
Now it's the D word.
There's no D word.
It makes you think of like, what, dong?
Droopers?
What is it?
Dick isn't even a bad word, is it?
Can you say dick on TV?
That guy's a total dick.
Richard, dick.
I've heard shit on TV.
Let me see.
So the father just stands there staring at her, and he looks at the son, and guess what the kid did?
What?
He goes, no, he is a dick.
Because she's, sorry, I ruined the fucking story.
She demanded he apologize.
She goes, you're going to apologize to him right now.
And the kid, who's about 11 years old, by the way, says, no.
What?
Why not?
He is a dick.
And then she looks at the father and he goes, and she didn't know what to do.
So then she gasps And she drags him and goes back to her husband and says, You handle this now.
Handle this?
Like, you see what I'm getting at here?
They're such busy bodies.
I'm not saying they just hellipist.
I'm not saying we need them hiding in the kitchen making the spaghetti sauce, but this like constantly taking, I'll handle this, Karen.
Constantly calling the manager.
Like the other day, I'm just remembering this now.
I was in my neighborhood, right?
And we had some warm weather a couple weeks ago.
Remember, I had the motorcycle helmet on.
So the guy that I want to ride with, he's never been to my house before.
And so he can't find it.
And he's, he, for some reason, I don't know why he did this, but he's an ex-cop.
And he says, hey, you know a guy named Gavin McInnis live around here?
Big mustache?
And these old ladies go, yeah, I think that's his house there, right there, right behind you.
So then I come out.
I'm like, hey, dude.
And she's like, oh, yeah, so you found him.
Okay, right?
Yeah, cool.
Thank you.
All right.
And then I have a bunch of pins on my jacket, right?
And she goes, so what have we got here?
What's all this now?
None of your fucking business, hag.
Is this up to code?
So what is this?
Is this a swastika?
No, it's a little enamel pin that looks like a Bible, but when you read the title, it says, people to kill.
And this says, fucker and the pussy.
And this is Dennis the Menace from the British Scottish comic Beano.
What?
Or that dikey chick who demanded that I don't go to my local bar and harass the bartender and the owner.
And then his wife, I just found out on the weekend.
This woman was harassing the wife because she owns the building.
Can you believe that?
Bitch, are you for real?
And then there's a woman in Grand Central giving us a lecture because she didn't like the fact that your joke, which by the way, wasn't funny.
I want to give her a Hannibal lecture.
Where I eat parts of her face.
The Feckless Sow.
The Feckless Sow.
All right, so anyway, all of this is to show you this video where this woman has decided that another woman, and I know I'm coming across as very sexist here.
I can live with that.
Has her music on her headphones too loud?
Now you think of dudes.
A dude.
If I was to call you a dude, you'd say, there's crazy Gavin being a dude running around in a pond.
Oh, I love it.
Dude.
Say you were listening on your headphones and it was like blaring, which is hard to imagine, but let's just say it's getting to the point where I'm annoyed.
I would just maybe look at him and be like, dude, can you?
And then he would probably be like, oh.
Or maybe just go, yeah.
And that would be the end of that.
But look at these two getting into it.
And getting good at it, if you will.
Did you attack me?
Yes.
Okay.
So I've asked you.
And what did you say to me?
I said, oh, you're psyched.
Hang on.
And what did you say?
Can I turn down my music?
I've asked you many times.
Didn't even like you.
So?
So what?
You just mean you want me to say no.
Doesn't this sound like two chickens?
Is it in my ear?
Do you know what?
How about?
It sounds like chipmunks, like sped up.
It sounds like you're rewinding a reel to reel.
What are you going to do?
Play it now.
Do you want me to do that then?
Yes, would you like me to do that?
I would.
You're so stupid.
I beg you.
You're so rude.
I beg you do just read your newspaper because you're actually high-rating me.
And I swear.
You're irritating me.
The words not irating is irritating.
I don't care.
I don't care.
This is like where you're aware.
What was she saying?
The word's not irating.
It's irritating.
And I swear.
She's correcting her grammar now.
I beg you do just read your newspaper because you're actually high-rating me.
And I'm swearing.
You know what?
Irritating men.
The word's not irating is irritating.
I don't care.
Ah, she said you're irating me.
I really don't care.
I gave you an i-rating.
You're a three.
Now fuck off.
Quiet.
I'm asking you to be quiet.
I'll just read my paper and piece of paper.
Are you not in school?
You're an actor.
No, but you're behaving like a pupil.
How will you?
I'm not a school teacher.
No.
But I would not like to teach you.
One moment, get real.
Now they're just knee-deep in an analogy that they've created.
No, because if this were school, you'd be a pupil.
And you'd be a bad one.
And I'm your teacher.
That's what they do.
This is terrible.
This whole thing is like three hours long.
And they keep getting lost in analogies.
I'm going to jump ahead shortly, not yet.
To they start talking about her race and how she's kind of attractive.
Wow.
Like, this is just thrown in the middle.
You can get rid of and you get rid of.
I've got more things to say to you.
I think you're an absolute fucking nightmare.
You're very rude, but you have good bone structure.
My chicken bones, beast-tung lips.
Very nice complexion.
Were you mocha-coloured?
You know what?
If there wasn't other people on his train, I wouldn't wait out there.
Come on, I dare you.
Go on.
You dare me.
I dare you, dare you.
How dare you that really made her mother?
Who are you?
I just said.
You dare me.
Yes.
You dare me to do what?
Please, Miss.
Sorry, no offense, but she's got a point.
She's got a point about what?
Listen, Russian gangster haircut.
Look, she is kind of red.
You are being annoying, chocolate lady.
Mate, I've got my headphones in.
If she don't like it, she can move out of my telling me to move.
She's tapping me.
I was not touching you.
Oh, Lana Me.
I requested you to touch me down politely.
A little move, a little dance.
It's a thriller.
I'm going to show you a little thrill.
If I want to listen to Michael Jackson, any song, thriller, you name it.
Yeah, that was the part.
If I want to be a zombie at the beginning of Thriller, that's my prerogative.
If I want to listen to my prerogative by Bobby Brown, I will.
I'll listen to Whitney Houston when she's gurgling in the bathtub, dying.
If she don't like it, she can move out.
No, then she's telling me to move.
She's tapping it off.
I was not trying to kill you.
You tried to cream it.
And I've got nothing but carbon abuse.
Woman, you can't be my friend.
Do.
Came in my face.
This is that.
I missed that part.
Do don't.
I'm a dirty dog.
Feral all over again.
I dare a motherfucker to come in my face.
Okay.
Dare not accept it.
I will not.
Dare accept it.
I have a feeling you're not going to like this very much.
I've got nothing but permanent abuse.
You came in my face.
I spoke to you politely.
You didn't, and you wouldn't have put my headphones in your face.
How long can this go on for?
I'm not scared of you, young lady.
You shouldn't mean.
You shouldn't mean.
Why should you be scared of what you're doing?
Because you're just abusive.
Do not touch me.
Uh-oh.
Touching.
By the way, just pause.
Here's the other thing that bothers me.
Ladies, you have to understand that there's psychos out there.
You don't know this woman.
She's young and fit.
If that was my mom in the fedora, I wouldn't say that's my mom standing up for herself.
I'd say, mom, please don't put yourself in danger like that.
One punch from that young, strong 25-year-old into that old 65-year-old's face.
She's shattered her eye socket.
Could be doing so much damage.
Like pointing your finger at these people.
When I say these people, I don't mean blacks.
I mean strangers.
The strange.
Like, you don't know what you're getting into.
This is why I love New York because everyone is so polite here because they don't know who is the crackhead with the fork that's about to go in your eyes.
Oh, sorry.
It's just not worth being right.
Even if you're right, doesn't mean you have to enforce it.
And get good at enforcing it, if you will.
But like, yeah, if your dog's shitting on the street and you're not picking it up, you might say something.
If some woman or a kid is in danger, sure, you got to get involved.
But all right, keep going.
You know what's funny?
I just thought of this.
What's it called?
If you, this is a weird way to address something.
You're like, hey, did you hear what she just said?
They're like, what?
She was telling you, she was yelling at you, saying you should pick up your dog shit.
Like, I'm like, mind your own business.
But yeah, she said that.
Oh, that's.
And then get some other old lady beaten up.
That's a good idea.
What if she's gone already?
By the way, have we talked about Ryan's look?
Why don't you cut to the wide and just stand up and show what Coke dealers look like in 1980?
I gotta.
You gotta do a little pluggy?
Oh, you didn't plug in the camera?
Another mistake by Rye Guy.
Another mistake by Rye.
Buy RyeGuy was my name when I was experimenting.
There, don't you think that bug looks a lot better, by the way, now that you've moved the C up and gave them hard edges?
But look, if you want to get in a time machine and buy Coke in high school in 1987, this is your man.
He has your stuff.
I look like a guy who has way too many karate DVDs.
And why did you choose that outfit?
Is this your new look?
Are you the Coke dealer without Coke?
Everybody's been saying I look like The Rock.
This is his look.
Oh, one of the fanny pack?
Yeah, yeah.
Is that a meme or something?
Oh, okay, gotcha.
Because everybody, like, four people said that.
Yeah.
It's one of the most common memes on earth.
It's the most commonest meme in the world.
All right, so sorry to keep dragging this out, but I'm like, look at where it gets raised.
Well, let it play for a little bit more.
Did you not call me my face?
I said, Tony, touch me.
How many times did you talk to me?
I did not touch you, though.
Did you actually hand tap me?
Yes, she tapped to me.
How many times did you talk to me?
So you didn't touch me.
Other people are getting involved too.
Y'all know she did touch you, yeah.
She tapped you.
And it was during the school analogy where you were saying that you'd be a pupil and she was a teacher.
Technically, a teacher can touch a pupil as long as lifey.
If we're staying within the analogy, you would probably get a detention at this point.
And so if you're detained at Texas, I mean, if you would be willing to accept new members in your analogy, I'd be happy to play the role of the principal.
Maybe you could come into my office and I'd be like, don't do that.
Maybe confiscate your phone.
I'll give it back.
I mean, it's just for the analogy.
And are you chewing gum?
Oh, you're not meant to chew gum in class.
She doesn't touch me when you touch me.
Don't tell me she was meant to be.
The woman's starting on me.
Come over there.
Come over there.
No.
No, no.
You're very rude.
You're very, very, very rude.
Very, very, very rude.
You annoy me.
Are you going to tell me to sit up with my nose?
You can tell her mother's Jamaican, right?
You piss me off.
You vex me so blood club.
All right, so jump ahead to the time stamp I sent, which is 1-4.
And they get into a weird racial thing where the white woman compliments her.
Which is kind of the joke we were doing when we got in trouble at Grand Central.
Oh, wow.
We're like, get out of here with your beast-dung lips and your maha cheekbones, pretty boy.
It's a full circle there.
Hey, nice ass.
I'm talking to you.
Hey, perfect thighs.
Get the fuck off my property.
With your fucking sinewy muscular legs that look like Superman's.
I hate that fucking tight-body bastard.
Hey, Mr. Square Jaw, Mr. Superchin.
Let's go.
Let's go.
I love your full head of hair.
Yada, yada, yada.
Wow, nice muscles.
Fuck off.
Listen, blessed by God himself.
Oh, thank us.
Thank you for gracing us with your presence, Mr. I Assume a Male Model.
Beat it.
What are you late for a perfect face convention?
Hey, David Beckham with the Washboard Abs.
Move along, please.
Wait, go back.
I queued it up wrong.
I would not like to be your mother for all the tea in China.
I would not like to be your mother for all the tea in China.
I'm weak.
That is ridiculous.
Okay, here's the option.
It's either 6 billion pounds of tea worth a billion dollars, by the by, or you be this bitch's mom.
Which you're already acting like her mom.
No, actually.
Wait, it's not an either or.
If you will become her mother, we'll give you over 1 billion.
Well, you'll be running a major industry.
I assume what's the tea industry in China worth?
I'm going to guess it's got to be in the billions, right?
I would assume.
Tea industry in China.
According to DuckDuckGo, because we don't use Google anymore, this woman would not be that woman's billion-dollar industry, I'm going to say.
It amounts to $1.45 billion in total.
So she wouldn't be your mom for $1.45 billion?
You could just farm out most of the jobs to the nanny and the au pair and the maid.
you're a billionaire now, you silly cow.
You could have a nanny take care of her.
So I wouldn't be your mom for $1.45 billion.
It would just be paperwork.
You don't have to take care of this woman.
Yeah, she's like 30.
I don't think she even lives at home.
She'd fly the coop, give her some money, she'd live somewhere else.
I guess it's retroactive, though.
You have to have raised her.
Ah.
Yeah, that's kind of weird.
Still, 1.45 B's.
Woman, number one, I wouldn't want you to be my mother.
And number two, you're white.
I'm black.
So you can't be my mother's house.
They're really deep in Samantha.
No, no, it gets deeper.
This is crazy.
You leave anything with a black father.
Mate, I'm not mixed race.
I'm full black.
And I like to be that way.
What are you very nice?
Fine.
You look very attractive, but you just aren't white.
Don't play mom, mate.
You're so understanding.
Yeah, were you afraid to play down mix?
Did you just catch that?
Yeah.
First of all, you couldn't be my mother because you're white.
Well, the father could be black.
Well, I'm not mixed.
I'm black.
And I like it that way.
Well, you're very lovely.
And then she flips out unnecessarily.
Now she's a lesbian, I guess.
Right.
Maybe she is a lesbian.
Hmm.
Fedora.
It is kind of a Leslie hat.
Fine.
You look very attractive, but you don't.
What the fuck are you doing?
Don't play your arm, Madame.
You're so understanding this year.
Is a lesbian getting horny now?
You just went back.
I will not back down.
She's kind of concerned.
She's like, I think I lost it.
How much time is there left?
Because this is amazing.
About a minute.
20 minutes.
A minute, 20 seconds.
Holy shit.
What is it?
Like a seven-minute video?
Imagine having a seven-minute argument about headphones.
Only brads.
The only way this could be more ridiculous and irritating, and I don't mean irating, is if they were Cantonese.
There's nothing harder on the ears than a Cantonese argument.
Yeah, well, you just were rude to me, and I said, I asked you nicely, and you frankly ignored me.
I'm only going to say, sorry, love, I'm sorry.
But you think you're so high and nice, you can do whatever you want.
You cannot.
There are rules in this country.
I can still hear your music.
In this country, it's all right to spin into it.
Hi, welcome to Britain.
First, you should know the rules.
And besides not murdering, stealing, or raping, don't have your headphones on too loud where other people can hear.
It's very, very, very vrood.
Spelled V-R-U-D-E.
Vrood.
You're vrood.
She's upset she doesn't have her attention.
You know, that reminds me, when I was down for Tommy Robinson's trial, I'm talking to Ezra Levant and this woman has her phone this close to my face.
And she's a conservative.
And I go, can you get your phone out of my face, please?
And she goes, you are very rude.
I drove all the way from wherever the fuck, Birmingham for this.
I don't give a shit if you came from Mars.
I said that to her, too.
She's like, that's so rude.
And then she went back to filming me like right up to my gorilla like this.
It's like, I own the rights to video Earth.
Yeah, wasn't that on tape?
Oh, yeah.
Wow, you're fast.
Yeah, that's her.
That's the woman I'm talking about.
Look at that phone.
What are they doing?
Where's that video going to live?
That's the bitch I was just talking about.
And I'm pleased to say that a fellow Rebel alumnus, Gavin Ross.
And you're seeing a HD camera in front of it.
Like, they're doing a better job than what you're doing.
What are you doing?
This is already being recorded, kids.
Look at this paparazzi.
Great to see you.
Great to see you, Ezra.
It's great to see you, but we are here for an unhappy reason.
Our friend Tommy Robinson is in court for, what, the fourth time now, just for doing what in America or Canada would be called citizen journalism.
Yeah, he's doing his trial twice.
Just pause.
They're commiserating each other because I just balled them both out.
And she's like, he's rude.
Oh, that happened right before that?
Yeah, yeah.
I just balled her out.
Oh.
They delayed it.
He's rude.
Yeah, he's doing his trial twice now for contempt of court.
He's rude.
He's so fucking rude.
So are we getting back to these cackling hens?
Yeah.
Oh, we should catch up on the news, too.
There's some things we can't bother mentioning tomorrow.
So Boris Johnson is in London.
He's the Prime Minister of Britain now.
It's just like Trump.
When he was the mayor of London, wasn't he mayor of London?
I'm pretty sure he was.
Everyone adored him.
But now, because of Brexit and everything, he's a Nazi and they hate his guts and he's the worst prime minister ever.
Scotland, I'm a little disappointed with my Scottish brethren.
They're bleeding on about separatism again and protesting this.
They're such pedantic underdog lovers.
Everyone, anytime anyone seems to be the underdog, they go for it.
Even if it's Muslim refugees raping women, they're like, well, they're not the mainstream.
So I'm on that team.
Fucking, fucking.
Celtics, the Glaswegian soccer team, hold up Palestinian flags at their matches.
What?
What?
Because it's underdogs.
People don't like them just like they don't like us.
And Israel's mucking about with them just like the English does.
So that's my team.
I like the team that's getting shot on.
Even if they're fucking terrible.
Look at that.
Free Palestine?
You're in Glasgow, Scotland.
Fucking mad.
But anyway, it was Antifa got to the streets, Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square, Buckingham Palace to protest a democratic election.
And my favorite part about it, I haven't actually watched this clip, but I saw a ton of clips.
And one chant they kept repeating, they got from us, was, this is what democracy looks like.
That's it.
They just repeat it and repeat it and repeat it because they're brainless, Maoist commies.
Democracy looks like Boris Johnson getting democratically elected, you noobs.
In just the last couple of minutes, we've watched these demonstrations turn rowdy.
The issue is that Conservative Prime Minister Boris Johnson won a big victory last night ahead of Brexit.
Now, police are fighting back against protesters using batons to smack down some of them.
We've seen a couple of protesters on the ground, their faces bloody, but here in the United States, President Trump is praising the Prime Minister for his win and saying it might be a sign of things to come in the States.
I want to congratulate Boris Johnson on a terrific victory.
Here is, not that.
Boris Johnson's hair is distracting, isn't it?
All right, that's enough.
Maybe you could find some better footage.
I guess I shouldn't send you links without looking at them.
There was just so many of them.
Just look up Antifa Boris Johnson London protests.
That might even be on Andy No's Twitter.
Andy Knows Twitter is just a feel-good place to be, I find.
If I'm depressed or something or I'm in a mood, I'll go to Andy Knows Twitter and it'll feel like we're winning.
Antifa Boris Johnson.
I saw this one, too.
This is just a mom pushing.
Hold the lane!
Hold the lane!
Look, what do you want?
You want to vandalize these shops?
What are they chanting?
Who do you protect?
Who do you serve?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They kept repeating that.
Screaming that in cops' faces.
Stand up to racism?
Another thing they wouldn't shut up about was the NHS.
Boris Johnson's going to take away health care?
What?
You got to see these fat losers, though, that were on the front lines.
Just hideous, pathetic human beings.
That might be it.
I see some fatties here.
Up here.
Wow, this is kind of a long video here.
No other racism.
It is strange how all the signs are the same, right?
Not a very organic protest, is it?
Didn't I send you a picture of what's his name?
Owen Jones.
He was their big guy.
The big guys with labor are Jeremy Corbin, of course, was the pro-Hamas, pro-terrorist, pro-Sharia.
Basically, he was Yasser Arafat.
And did not appear to like Jews very much, and that didn't go down very well for him.
But I think I sent you this as an email, separate email.
Okay, gotcha.
Not security guard meme.
No, that's not it.
That's the only one I got there.
Well, anyway, this guy, Owen Jones, was in tears.
Actually, I don't know if he was literally in tears, but he was very verklempt about the loss.
And he had...
I was sure I said...
Oh, maybe I...
When they were so sure they were going to win.
Here, I'll send it to you now.
Owen Jones, Living Perfect.
Take down a Boris Johnson.
No.
Did you change your name on your email to Ryan Rivera?
No, I don't think so.
Well, on my phone, it says update your contact with a new picture.
Oh, I think you just got the new update or something.
Yeah, but I did, and then now it says Ryan Rivera.
Are you ashamed of Katsu?
No.
No.
It's just the way it is.
Owen Jones, correct?
Yeah, that's the guy.
But I just sent you a picture.
It's fun watching them suffer, isn't it?
Look at this bizarre...
Will suck dick for socialism.
This is before they lost.
Wow.
Doesn't that kind of sum it up?
The whole pro-choice thing is really just about being a slut.
And the whole socialism thing is really about sluts having all their bills paid.
It's horror culture.
Like the woman who poured water on us.
She sells nudes online.
Yeah.
What's this now?
Is this post?
Sad night for you because you're not best pleased.
No.
I mean, even your newspaper admits the problem.
Of course.
I mean, you can't get away from it.
Yeah, I'm devastated.
I'm not devastated for myself.
You know, I'll be all right.
I worry about low-paid workers.
You know, I travel around the country meeting people who've suffered.
Their wages have fallen.
I meet disabled people, have their benefits stripped away.
I meet people who can't get an affordable house.
I meet nurses who are struggling in an NHS.
If you knew how socialist it was, you'd be mortified right now.
And they're such slaves here.
Remember when I started making money, I said to my gran in Glasgow, I'll send you up some money.
I could buy an apartment.
No, no, no, don't do that.
The council will take away my benefits if they see I'm making money.
Or even if I have a nice TV.
All right.
You remain a slave.
Okay, here's another story I have to squeeze in before we get to the main bag.
He doesn't cry?
Who's been hammered for the last few years and whose life is really difficult?
Twat.
So Seattle is also very socialist, and they want to cure their homeless problem.
So what they do is they have a seminar.
And at this seminar, they all get together and they have speakers come up and they talk about all the money they need and how the taxpayers should pony up more.
This, by the way, is one two.
And this includes entertainment.
After the talks, let's have some entertainment.
So scroll down, go to the video.
This is the entertainment they get while discussing the homeless problems in Seattle.
Lizzo.
You can hire Lizzo?
Hizzzo.
Oh, yeah, that's so then they start putting money in this mentally ill gay's gigantic fat bathing suit to cure homelessness.
This is where our tax dollars go.
You know what's crazy, though?
If I was at a homeless seminar as a bureaucrat, This is about as interesting as the entertainment could get, and I'd be.
I know this goes against the thrust of this whole piece, but you'd be like, Well, that's not boring.
That's right, that's true.
Like, I didn't know that their tits could get that big and floppy.
This has been the most interesting seminar I've ever been to.
And maybe, I can't believe I'm defending it now.
Maybe if the first, you know, 80% of the whole thing was very informative and they learned a lot, and then they had a trans stripper, I don't know.
This is why I can't get down with America first.
I'm kind of a hedonist.
All right, let's, I don't know why I've had these papers here.
Harvey Weinstein had an argument with the missus about him today.
If you sucked his dick and got a movie role, you're an expensive prostitute and you have no right to complain.
If you refused and you didn't report him, you were complicit in future sexual harassments.
So your third option is reporting it, and so you lose your career.
Big fucking deal.
620,000 men lost their lives in the Civil War.
You can be uncomfortable to prevent women getting raped.
But I don't know.
We coddle women so much that no one is saying about this whole thing.
No one's talking about the woman who performed sex acts to get into movies.
You're condoning that behavior.
Chelsea Handler.
Did Chelsea Handler do that?
She admitted doing that, yeah.
She was bragging about it.
I'm not bragging.
I'm not bragging.
And then she does a hell of white privilege thing on there.
And then some new news on this.
This is a park in Harlem where this girl was stabbed to death.
She was probably buying pot.
I'm not blaming her for her death.
I'm not victim blaming.
I'm just saying that we need to instill in our women some fucking instincts.
Don't go to parks in Harlem where there's a crime and a mugging every day.
And it's all these, not just fatherless black teens, but they just say teens in the New York Post, by the way.
Teens.
Those damn teens.
It's parentless adolescents.
Like you look at who's showing up to court and it's the aunt and the uncle.
The mom isn't even around.
The mom had them when she was 15.
She's a baby herself.
So she got stabbed and I just think, God, I got to make it clear to my daughter.
There's no go zones in New York.
Don't just, and looking for pot.
If you're buying pot, you should just have a guy.
You don't walk around going, hi, pot?
No?
Okay.
What about you?
Do you have any mery want?
Oh, you're a Rastafarian.
You guys smoke pot.
Do you have any pot?
That's what Milo did when we were going to DC.
He saw some drug-dealing looking and he goes, hello, do you have any drugs?
And he goes, yeah, man, I'm selling pills.
How much?
I can give you this, $250.
And Milo just assumes that it's going to be Adderall, Xanax.
It's like cough medicine and aspirin.
It's just a bunch of pills he got from his medicine cabinet.
Speaking of Milo, by the way, we haven't covered that.
I was a little inebriated on Friday.
When?
What do you mean?
I do not recall any of this.
Any of what?
Doing Milo's show.
Oh, that?
You were drunk for that?
A little bit.
Really?
Well, it's your fault.
Because you said you'd be on the 5.30, so I went to the train station.
You weren't there at 5.30.
So I had to kill time, wait for the next train in a bar.
That started the whole thing.
Dang it.
Then they gave me a to-go beer.
Here's a tweet from a typical leftist in the UK.
Wait, go back to the G. I think you were at your drunkest best during this interview.
That's exactly my dad.
Am I falling asleep there?
I zoomed in on your face at one point.
Oh my god, I'm asleep.
That's not very professional.
You actually don't remember it.
You can't remember things that you're not conscious for.
It's not your fault.
That's really going to sell.
Scene of the crime, you don't know what it is.
Dude, why are you filming through a tree?
He tries to move the...
Is he talking about me?
No.
The guy tries to move the tree, Daniel.
And then Milo puts it back, and then Daniel's like, no, dude, it's in my way.
It's in my face.
And then he moves it again, then they throw the tree and effectively smash it to bits.
Look at that.
Just completely asleep.
Yeah, I zoomed in on the other side.
Is asparten.
I'm not sure, though.
But I'm sorry to hear it.
But, but, but, thanks.
It's actually a congenital defect.
Sorry.
He thinks they laughed at that.
Yeah, no, they're not laughing at you going blind, my boy.
I'm glad you found it amusing.
It's actually a congenital defect.
It's like, no, the sleeping Irishman, a Scotsman on your couch.
Do you have any of me saying anything?
I mean, that China does not automatically.
This isn't that interesting to the viewer.
I'm sorry, folks, to waste your time if you've already seen this.
I haven't seen it yet.
I don't remember being.
Because there was a kid's Hasidic school next to the shooting.
I'm going to go to a cemetery first.
Oh, my God.
I'm talking about the theory I just spoke about.
By the way, congratulations with Port Johnson.
Oh, well, thank you.
We're about to get onto that, actually.
I'm so glad you said so.
The British election.
There was an election yesterday in the UK, and I have to tell you, the left is taking it so well.
Oh, great.
No, they are.
They are.
They are treating you with the goodness that you would expect from them.
I'm a good drunk.
Yeah.
Yeah, you are.
Now, one final thing.
I'm an expert.
You actually get nicer when you get drunk.
But not like uncomfortably nice.
Slightly take a moment.
Here it is.
Isn't that a pink floor?
Someone says, thank you, Britton.
Okay.
That's enough for that.
You got to see them watch.
It's a good episode.
Okay, I'll check it out.
But speaking of tweets, I've noticed this real virulent racism towards white people, and it's from black women on Twitter.
They really do not like the whites, especially the light-skinned ones like that woman that was on the bus, who's full black.
I'm proud of it.
If you will.
But check out this tweet.
444.
Yeah.
This little girl just said, thank you for your service to mall security.
I fucking hate white people.
What race is the woman who said that?
I can't really see the icons.
I see some darkness.
E Swervo.
I'm sorry that a five-year-old mistook a security guard's uniform for a military uniform.
It's a pretty easy mistake to make.
Yeah, very for white people, maybe.
Why are white people?
It's not such a thing.
They're more inclined to thank people who aren't in the ranks.
Imagine someone, a white person said that about a black child.
You'd go, dude, dude.
Yeah.
Chill out.
The hell's the matter with you?
Is this her?
Yeah.
Okay, so she fucking hates white people.
How old is this little thing?
Yeah, she looks like she's maybe 12 or 13.
I can't tell, though, but I don't care.
All right, so that's one.
And then look at this one.
White people in the rain.
L-O-R.
These are all pics sent separately.
Okay, this is a different one, but we can do this one.
Fat Rebel.
Casual fucking reminder.
She's so mad that white race scientists, whatever the hell that is, does she mean white scientists?
Invented fat phobia and the concept of obesity.
If you are ever fat phobic or are on some, oh, well, fat is unhealthy bullshit.
I hope you fucking know that someone's white ancestor is smiling in their grave.
By the way, why is that so horrible?
For someone to be, you know, happy and dead.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, you're probably making old white people happy now.
They're the worst people in the world.
Dead presidents.
Dead white people.
They always say that all the time, too.
Like, I went to class, it was a bunch of old, dead white men.
What's she saying?
I'm always shocked at white people's ability to nonchalantly walk in the rain like it's not raining.
But I guess when you've bathed in bloodshed for centuries, a little water doesn't really change.
You have to be proud of stuff like that.
You know that when we were bathing in slaves' blood, it wasn't cold and falling from the sky.
That's the difference.
What?
And also, that never happened.
Nobody bathes in blood.
That all brings me to this.
Someone went onto a campus with a sign that said, it's okay to be white, which was just a suicidal thing to do.
What were you thinking?
People can be racist against white people.
I just don't think because I feel like since there is just such racism within white people and people who are whites are racist, just that internal, just like, I'm better than you because I'm white.
I mean, like.
Yeah, I get that all the time.
How many times you go into a bar and there's just a bunch of white guys going, we're better than everyone because we're white.
Yeah.
It's those people all the time here.
So Richard Spencer is a cunt.
Hey, what does that sign say?
Small penis, Nazis sympathizer, have inferiority complex in common with Trump.
That's a lot to say.
What an interesting sign.
So it takes a lot of time.
Small penis, right?
So I'm black.
What is that thing?
That's a woman who was pretty and ruined herself with feminism.
You know that black people have...
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
So why do you think we're small penis?
Did you just assume my gender?
People have been treated incriminated because of the color of their skin.
People have been incriminated because of the color of their skin.
That's true.
And it gets them to like this victim mentality that makes them feel like they can never achieve anything.
I identify as a woman.
Okay, excellent.
We accept you here.
And that's just all we're trying to do.
I love it.
Nice.
You don't think the straight- it's easy to be white?
Because your skin has never.
Your skin has never been a crime.
Or acrim.
Acrimy?
Acram.
Acramy.
Your skin's never been an acramy.
I guess that's when it's ashy and you have to put cocoa butter on it.
And also acrony involved, I think.
Okay, watch one later.
You don't think the straight male white identity is under attack?
I hate that smug college laugh.
Yeah.
It's so phony.
That guy's 50 years old and he just went to college just to get laid, you think?
Ugh.
No!
Uh, familiar with the...
Yeah, he's a comedian.
I'm not familiar with the word.
Why don't you tell us why?
Why do you want us to get the fuck off campus?
Tell me again.
You said you want us to get the fuck off campus, so tell me again.
Yeah?
Nothing to say now?
Y'all.
Tell me I'm a white supremacist person.
Y'all are facing this.
I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to this guy with this side.
I don't know who you are.
Control yourself, sir.
You're not going to get your ass beat by the people recording the video.
White supremacist, please.
I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to this guy with this side.
I don't know who you are.
Yeah, that's fine.
That's great.
That's great.
I just really don't like your hat.
Serial killer energy.
Yeah.
Anyway.
I can't even production.
Keep back so people can see the.
I think.
Millennium has kind of made something better than TV.
You go on YouTube, and the things that are suggested are so much more interesting.
If I was channel flipping, and the things that come up with my algorithms on YouTube were on TV, I'd go, what is this?
The best night of TV I've ever seen?
Let's go to the mailbag.
Oh.
That's the bag of mail that we hit on when there's topics and yeah, it's the bag of mail that we hit on when there's topics.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Okay.
Uh-oh.
This is a support request.
Just says, you suck.
Just wanted to let you know that I find you to be boring.
I have given you ample opportunity to show me something fun, but no, you would rather trash what I do for a living.
I am canceling my hard-eared membership.
What is that?
I don't know.
I guess he has a subscription to hard ears.
Hard ears.
I wonder what's your profession, dude?
Male nurse?
Flight attendant?
Oh, well, that was a useless letter.
This one's from Mark.
Ever hear Into the Night by Benny Mardones?
It starts out: she's just 16 years old.
Leave her alone, they say.
Well, the video is just as nuts.
The guy basically sneaks into some 16-year-old girl's room, gets her on a magic carpet, and flies off into the night and makes out with her.
Give it a peek.
Let me see what the age of consent is in America.
in that time?
Didn't statutory rape just like The age limit thing?
The age of consent?
Didn't that start in like 70?
Didn't it 16?
Didn't that start in the 70s?
Somebody?
I just heard that recently.
Oh, I like the song though.
Holy shit, she's a fucking child.
I'll tell you a love like you've never seen, ever seen.
Boy.
You're lucky that dad didn't walk by the window when you were doing that.
I know somebody that really likes the granny pedophile.
I got a friend that really likes the song.
I got a friend that really cares.
Age of Consent, America, 1980s.
Do you see the Age of Consent was 14?
Oh, but that was in Ocean.
The good old days?
Watching it for us.
All right, that's enough of that.
Did you know it's 12 in Mexico?
You.
12.
That's crazy.
Next time you hear that a girl is 12, have a look.
You'll be stunned at what a child she is.
You guys probably don't have kids, but like my daughter's 13.
I remember last year when she'd have a sleepover.
Those were infants.
Those were little tiny people.
The idea of a relationship?
Jesus Christ, fucking disgusting.
What's this?
This is just from Daryl, and it appears to be a video of a plump woman in a bathing suit.
Do you want to pull that up?
Daryl D-A-R-Y-L?
No?
D-A-R-R-E-L.
We got this 1230.
Fatty Lizzo.
Is it actually Lizzo?
I don't think so.
This is not really downloading.
The virus?
Uh oh.
Why would she do that?
What?
Why would she do that?
What did you think was going to happen?
She just did the Dudley Boys.
Like, that's on purpose.
Next, coming from Kyle, listening to your live episode last Thursday, you brought up that you didn't know the meaning of Kevefe.
I learned while watching a video making fun of Brian Stelter and his groundbreaking reporting on Trump's misspelled tweets, Trump tweeted, despite the constant negative press, Kevefe.
You can Google it and find the whole story or just ask the people paying you to advertise coffee.
Yes, dude, I'm very familiar with the Trump tweet, but the story is that that wasn't a typo and it really is a word.
Jesus, how half-assed do you think we are on this show?
So I looked it up.
Snope says, no, it's not a word.
But other sites say, yes, it's an Arab word and it was already an acronym that was being used and it was about to come into law.
Yeah, he knew about it that it was going to be passed.
This is such a millennial thing to do.
They always explain shit to me without understanding what I was doing or what my real question was.
Piash, let's hear your thoughts on Sasquatch.
Out of left field, I know, but as a Canadian tree planter, it had to have been brought up at some point.
I try to keep an open mind with stuff like this.
Jesus, you're a retard.
But how could there be a giant undiscovered monkey in the woods?
How do you explain all these people seeing, hearing it?
Went down a YouTube rabbit hole and figured out an interesting take on the subject.
Good stuff.
It's called a bear walking on its hind legs, which they often do.
When we see them, they're near garbage or something that they're skulking around.
Or they're going from A to B. But it's not uncommon for a bear, black bear, brown bears, to walk on their hind legs.
That's what these people saw.
No, there's no such thing as Sasquatch.
I think we hit on this on the Milo show, too.
That was one of the funny moments.
Really?
Yeah, he said he's like, UFOs.
You're like, fags.
He's like, Sasquatch, homosexual.
Wow, sounds like I was real witty.
Yeah.
Okay, last letter.
Gavin, this is a dumb request that will almost certainly be ignored.
Allow me to state my case.
I'm a red-blooded, die-hard conservative.
I have three kids and a wife.
I'm 36.
My neighbor is some kind of Havzi that he hasn't decided quite yet, but he's got one kid, a wife, and he's in his late 40s.
He loves his guns, and we agree on most freedom issues, but I'm a Christian.
He's basically an agnostic liberal.
He's maybe turned libertarian since I've talked to him.
Anyway, despite this madness, we make a fire almost every Friday night and discuss the state of politics, religion, all matters of science until we are so drunk we can't speak.
Then we part ways and move on with our lives.
And of course, we habitually repeat this process weekly.
That's awesome.
That's America in a nutshell.
That's what I was trying to do with this network.
So here is my brilliant suggestion.
Come hang out with a couple of everyday losers from North Canton, Ohio at a fire.
Let's all drink and shoot the shit for night.
Pretty simple, right?
Shrilling to pay to get here, but we are the cheapest guests you'll ever have.
Hell, you can record it for the show.
I don't care.
My neighbor might be a little tricky, though, because so you haven't even confirmed this with your neighbor.
I'll send you the address, blah, blah, blah.
No, dude.
You don't get to hang out with me.
We're not friends.
Do I get to just email people when I see them on a show and go, hey, can you do that, but at my house?
I'll give you a beer.
It's the same as guys who want to fight me.
They think they can just like get people.
This might be the problem with social media where everyone is so attainable that you just think, hey, Van Halen, come to my house.
I know I'm not Van Halen, but you get my point.
That's a dumb letter.
All right, let's wrap up the show, but before we go, let's say hi to one punch man punch me.
I don't know, scared of one punch man.
I punch you in the face 50 times.
I'm seven punch man.
Sucker.
That looks like me, kinda.
You guys all look at this.
Boom.
Oh, whoa.
Boom.
Hey!
Hey!
He's missing the pass too.
He's punching me in the back of the head.
Oh, that was good.
What are they saying, Ryan?
Are you okay?
I'm sorry about that.
But you've punched me many times and now I had to retaliate.
And see what happens now.
But wait, I'll wait for you to wake up because you're clearly sleeping, so you were not going to get the lesson that I'm trying to teach you.
Mandarin is efficient.
Oh, yeah.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
We'll be right back.
Troll the ancient I can't go.
Fall out.
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