Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E95 - THE BLACK ALBUM

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Dec. 4, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:38:14

S02E95 - THE BLACK ALBUM

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	I'm gonna do the worldwide.
	But if we start from East and farm to west side, Octav Jungle, Alba, Zimbabwe, Angola, here we are.
	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Welcome.
	We got all manner of things going on today on the show, you know.
	I got Babylon closing out on me.
	Erdella cuff and ragga jagat.
	I like going to Jamaica.
	I went there when my family was under siege for being in the bleeder of a hate group.
	And my buddy Jeff lives there because he went there to get his head straight about five years ago and fucking stayed.
	Jeff Jensen.
	And now he just plays tennis.
	He rents out his apartment.
	So that's what he lives on in Jamaica because the dollar goes a lot farther.
	He comes and checks on his apartment once in a while here in New York.
	And then he just hangs around in Jamaica.
	Being Jamaican.
	Sometimes speaking in a yardy way, which I am not comfortable with.
	I'd be like, why, why you want to vex me, Rastaman?
	Jeff, please don't do that.
	But I guess it's legit.
	But yeah, it's fun to go down there.
	It's similar to our culture, right?
	They drink Guinness.
	They like soccer.
	It's just Britain, really.
	And it's not that dangerous if you're a tourist.
	They don't want to mess with tourism.
	So yes, there's murders every day and there's curfews, but they don't mess with tourists, even in the most crime-ridden areas.
	It's funny, last time I was there, he says, you know, you see the West is the best.
	I don't think you include Jamaica in that.
	And I go, well, I'm not.
	I mean, tourist countries like in the Caribbean, they don't really exist outside of like a little bit of culture.
	And he said, no, no, you're wrong.
	Jamaica's got much more culture than anywhere in the West.
	And it's superior here.
	And as he was saying, it's superior here, we're in a taxi, and I can see behind him, it's just cinderblocks with rebar poking out.
	Like all of Jamaica is just cinder blocks and rebar.
	And he's telling me how awesome it is.
	What's that?
	That looks wonderful.
	We usually rent a house there, so it comes with like servants.
	But sometimes we stay at a resort.
	And I remember the employees of the resort had to be escorted home with a man.
	That's the law.
	First of all, there's a curfew at nine, but then they have to be escorted home by a man because they will get carjacked if they're not.
	One of my secret long-term bucket list plans is to do a documentary about Jamaican English, Jamaican patois, and Glaswegian, and maybe Puerto Rican Spanish.
	Because they're all so far from their original language.
	Tuvoir?
	Look at these fucking animals.
	Anyway, that song, Stepa, is by Buju Bantan.
	He was huge in the 90s down there.
	So it's sort of like grunge.
	And I like going up to people my age and saying, hear me now, and singing something like, murder, blood is.
	No, no, you know what one they like?
	The homophobic one.
	This was 1-4.
	Okay, back when he was a fucking teenager, Bujo Bantan, the guy we just heard, he wrote a song called Boom Bye-Bye about batty boys.
	Batty boys are homosexuals.
	And it's all about killing gays.
	Not very cool.
	Not something we advocate here on the show.
	But he was a teenager.
	And in Kingston, there had just been this gay dude who had murdered a young boy.
	And there was a lot of backlash there.
	So that was the context of it.
	But he's never recovered from that because he angered the velvet mafia, basically powerful gays in the music industry.
	And even though this was, God knows, maybe even the 80s, he still has tours canceled.
	and everyone's been out to get him ever since this song.
	I gunshot me head back.
	Gunshot.
	It's like boom, bye, bye, in a body boy head.
	Boombai buying the batty boy head.
	We don't want them batty boys than half feet dead.
	good jammer.
	So I think that got the powers that be out to get him for a long time.
	And he's written, he's like a hippie.
	He's sort of the Bob.
	I was going to say he's the Bob Marley of Jamaica.
	Wow.
	Isn't Bob Marley the Bob Marley of Jamaica?
	But he is sort of our generation's Bob Marley.
	Bob Marley is, I'm done with him.
	But he had songs like that murderer one I saw is all about how you shouldn't kill people, dudes.
	Murderer, blood is pun your shoulder.
	Kill I today, you cannot kill I tomorrow This is What is this album?
	Till Shiloh?
	It's hit after hit.
	I think it's way better than Legend.
	Till Shiloh.
	It's a jam.
	It's a jazam.
	Is he good?
	That's pretty fun to listen to.
	So Stepa, Stepa just means your buddy, your main dude.
	My N-word.
	I'm not allowed to say the word.
	And I think he's this, He was sentenced to 10 years for possession and drug dealing.
	And he was framed.
	I'll get to that in a second.
	But Stepa seems to be just like the song Murderer, where he's saying, yeah, your homeboy, right?
	Yeah, your partner in crime.
	You guys always got each other's backs.
	And then you go kill people, and then you get killed and you die.
	Stop it.
	Turn it up.
	This was the norm in the 90s with hip-hop.
	Chuck D and Karis won, stop the violence.
	We need to check ourselves.
	And then it just became, no, it's actually Trump's fault.
	White people made me kill 19 black men a day.
	Again, that is the actual death rate in America.
	I can't hear it.
	So I think he only did seven years.
	That's a long-ass time for a bullshit trumped-up charge.
	Okay, you got to see this article in the Miami New Times called Bujo Banton is Innocent.
	It tells the whole story of his drug possession.
	Buju, like a lot of Rastaman, Pandagali, they can't really handle their booze.
	So he's on some first-class flight on a tour to some other Caribbean island with this guy, this Colombian dude, Johnson.
	What the hell is his name?
	I'll find him in a second.
	Okay, I can't find his name.
	Junior?
	Yeah, Junior Johnson.
	Yeah, I'm trying to get the last name, but definitely Junior.
	Yeah, Junior Johnson, until you get the right name.
	So he's sitting on this flight, and he gets drunk, and this dude, I'm going to say Junior, they're talking shit, and he's getting wasted, and he's almost puking.
	And he goes, yeah, I'm kind of a badass.
	I get in all kinds of trouble.
	I'm no ragamuffin.
	I'm the real deal, you know.
	And this junior guy's like, oh, yeah, that's cool.
	Me too.
	I'm a Coke dealer.
	And Buja's like, yeah, me too, man.
	Wasted, talking shit.
	Like, they used to call, before they had dance hall, the name for these guys was like the Upman or something.
	The half-step up, I forget what it is, but it was their job was to go to a party and talk everyone up, to bluff, to say, this is the fucking most rocking party ever.
	Alex Johnson Jr.
	That's his name.
	Right?
	Yep.
	And so it's the culture to be a bullshitter.
	You're not a liar.
	You're a bullshitter.
	And after they're done the flight, they keep corresponding with each other.
	And yeah, Buju Banton likes it that he knows this dude in white suits who has lots of gold in his own airplane.
	And he's like a badass criminal.
	And that's good for Buju's sort of street culture.
	So he starts bullshitting with the guy.
	And the guy says, I do like 20 million in Coke sales a year.
	And Buju's like, I do 50 million.
	And so they start pushing this and they start wearing a wire because this guy, Junior Johnson, is a drug dealer who got caught by the government, then started working with not just the Jamaican authorities, but with the FBI and the CIA as a CI, as a confidential informant.
	And get this.
	He gets a commission.
	So if he busts someone for $3 million, he gets, I don't know, $800,000?
	I got it right here.
	So he's excelled as a confidential informant working for the DEA, the FBI, and other national and local law enforcement agencies.
	Johnson isn't paid a salary for this gig.
	Rather, he gets a cut of the money seized in the bus he arranges.
	It's like a commission.
	And he's earned nearly $3.5 million in commission, basically entrapping dudes.
	Enough to buy a plush home with a swimming pool for $890,000 within a secured gated community in Davie.
	$890,000 in Jamaica is a lot of money.
	So this guy basically convinced Buju to come to this drug dealer where they're looking at kilos.
	So they pull into this garage, close the door.
	The guy opens a trunk.
	There's like three kilos of cocaine there.
	This is all supplied by the CIA.
	And Buju's shitting his pants.
	He goes, wow, they called my bluff.
	I'm in a Fast and Furious movie all of a sudden.
	And they go, what do you think, Buju?
	He doesn't want to be exposed as a fraud.
	So he takes the knife and he cuts the bag and licks it.
	And he's like, yeah, that's pretty good.
	What you and I would do?
	It'd be cool.
	And then he, yeah, be cool, be chill.
	And then he goes and sits and waits in the car.
	He hasn't exchanged any money.
	And the guy he was with, that it was ostensibly his partner, but it wasn't.
	It was this con artist, CI, was holding a gun.
	So Bujo gets blamed for that gun.
	What?
	So he gets possession and dealing drugs.
	That's crazy.
	Is that ABC News saying that They should have noticed the hole in the clock.
	Like innocent Scarface.
	So it's a racket.
	And everyone in Jamaica knows this.
	Everyone in Jamaica knows Buju Benton was innocent and he had been framed.
	And I'm not even calling this a conspiracy theory.
	This is not me going out on a limb.
	You'll see this in the article.
	But I'm going to go farther and say somehow the Velvet Mafia is involved.
	Somehow there's some gay dude.
	This is just a guess, this part.
	This is my crazy part.
	All of that stuff I just said is factual.
	You can look it up.
	But this is where I get crazy.
	I think there's some homosexual in law enforcement, the top brass, the CI FBI, that had it out for Buju because of that song he recorded as a kid.
	And it's always been, we need to get that son of a bitch.
	Like, I don't even think it's a coincidence that Junior Johnson was sitting in that seat, that first-class seat, and telling him, plying him with booze, telling him red wine is for real men, which is not true.
	You're thinking of Bourbon, Jr., or maybe Bud.
	Not red wine.
	Anyway, he got him shithoused and then got him bragging about what a badass drug dealer he is.
	Buju Bantam was not a cocaine dealer.
	He was framed.
	He just got out and he's back to doing good stuff.
	Anyway, that's my little brief history lesson on Buju.
	Where's my pen?
	I like to cross out the subjects when I'm done.
	I got one for you.
	Too late, Ryan.
	You fucking.
	I haven't watched your Ryan's mailbag show, but the word on the street is that it blew chunks.
	From who?
	A letter?
	person.
	He's a pretty Pretty good dude.
	I heard some good things about it.
	I told you in advance just to power through the letters, to be a letter slave, and only comment for 30 seconds because I was mad that you did 15 minutes of that song.
	Oh, that's right, yes.
	And you were like, no problem, boss.
	I got it.
	And then he always just, whoop, beep.
	I don't like doing things alone, though.
	My friend Josh was in town, and I figured if he read them, because I also heard that my reading stinks.
	So if my concept was he reads, I comment baba baba.
	Yeah.
	I mean, we'll try one more with Larry when I'm here monitoring it, but that's two strikes.
	Totally.
	Three strikes you're out.
	I don't want to do it alone.
	I'd rather do it with Larry.
	You know, because it just, I don't know.
	Also in the news, forget about it.
	Irishman sucks.
	There, I said it.
	Andrea Piser, who I've had disagreements with over the years.
	I've been a longtime New York Post reader.
	I'm up to 20 years now.
	And she shot on some friends of mine a long time ago.
	That's a whole other story.
	But she's right.
	It sucks.
	You saw it?
	I gave up after two and a half hours.
	Oh, no.
	I guess I'll watch the rest tonight.
	It was cool seeing Jim Norton as Don Rickles.
	Yeah, that's the only part I really want to see.
	And Sebastian Maniscalco is some wise-ass, slick guy.
	He's really good in it.
	He's actually much better than most of them.
	But the CGI on De Niro's face is beyond distracting.
	Really?
	And it looks like Tom Hanks in that rail, what's that?
	Polar Express?
	Oh, yeah.
	He has that Seth McFarlane thing where this is all frozen.
	Yeah, it literally looks like this.
	Huh.
	Hi, my forehead is a plate.
	I have no features above the nose.
	Hello, how are you today?
	And the other weird thing, too, is that De Niro didn't look like that when he was young.
	We've seen De Niro in Mean Streets.
	We know what he looks like when he's young.
	He doesn't look like a CGI polar bear from a Coca-Cola commercial.
	Look at him.
	It looks like he's got a big swab of plaster on his forehead.
	This is in a dark room, by the way.
	That looks really weird to me.
	That's the best.
	You'll see it.
	Skip somewhere else.
	Maybe go earlier.
	And here's another really irritating thing about it.
	They made his eyes blue, I guess, to show you that he's not Italian.
	Yeah, that doesn't look.
	Look at that.
	Who are you?
	I kept saying that.
	My wife was like, will you shut up?
	You're pulling me out of it.
	And I was like, who are you?
	Who is that person?
	I don't know.
	I don't know what that person is.
	That should have been his name, like flat forehead McGillicut.
	Yeah.
	Weird face.
	Hey, Flatty.
	Hey, weird face.
	I got a job for you.
	Like, look at it.
	This isn't even doing it justice.
	It looks much worse than this on the big screen.
	He's got like a Dick Tracy villain kind of vibe to it.
	Totally.
	Yes.
	Obscure.
	Yeah, it's something like out of the first Batman.
	His nickname is Forehead.
	Oh, that's another weird thing.
	He divorces her in it.
	We don't hear about it.
	We just see him with a new wife one day.
	I'm like, what the fuck happened here?
	Like, Scorsese, you made a movie that spans someone's entire life and it's in real time.
	Like, I'm old now.
	I'm in the mob.
	I was in the mob all last night.
	I grew up there.
	I delivered trucks.
	I worked with Harvey Keitel.
	I heard it was Pesci's favorite movie, though.
	Pesci's good.
	Pesci's best movie.
	Pesci's good, but if I was his boss, I'd say, dude, you made this way too fucking long.
	This is him meeting Joe Pesci.
	Speaking of Taliano.
	Look at his eyes.
	That's a great example of his eyes.
	He looks like something in a wall E. He's the Terminator.
	Look at his eyes.
	They glow in the dark.
	Literally, look at that.
	And they did it with Johnny Depp and Whitey Bulger.
	Remember that movie?
	Yes.
	His eyes were like CGI swimming pools the whole movie.
	And I just, I kept getting pulled out of it because he looks like a fucked up cyborg from Blade Runner 4.
	The sequel, the mafia years.
	So, and then my wife too, she goes, Jesus Christ, so much talking.
	It's just Al Pacino sitting down with Robert De Niro talking.
	I'm like, can someone kill someone, please?
	There he is.
	Look, he looks like a weird creature from like a Star Wars thing or Lord of the Rings.
	He's like an elf man.
	It's a vampire movie.
	Yeah, he's the elf murderer vampire.
	Moderate.
	Blue-eyed swimming pool eyes.
	Eyes.
	Eyes.
	Blue.
	Let's see what Andrea Piser said.
	I didn't actually read it.
	There are two kinds of people in this world.
	Those who think the Irishman, the Martin Scarcesi directed El Pacino, blah, blah, blah, a mega mob opera released last week is the finest piece of cinema produced in this century, maybe of all time.
	And then there are people like me who think the movie weighing in in an obscene 209 minutes, every one of them boring, ill-acted, poorly written.
	Here's the other thing.
	With Robert De Niro's platehead, you don't get any expression because he's been CGI'd.
	So, you know, you think of De Niro in Mean Streets.
	What the fuck?
	Or Cape Fear.
	Hello, what does he call him?
	The lawyer, commissioner.
	Hello, barrister.
	What does he say, attorney?
	You don't know anything about him.
	I've never seen Cape Fear.
	Not only are you uneducated, you haven't seen like the basics.
	Oh, there's Jim Norton.
	He's great.
	Could have been better, though.
	I didn't exactly see Don Rickles there.
	And you stand there and don't do anything, and a Mexican broad comes over with a wet rock.
	See, it's okay to laugh.
	I make fun of everybody.
	That's why God put us on this earth to laugh.
	I work everyone.
	I make fun of blacks.
	I make fun of Jews.
	I work gypsies.
	I work Italians.
	Well, not those Italians.
	Sebastian Manskelko there.
	Can you catch that?
	Be very careful about what you're doing.
	Hello, right?
	Did you catch that?
	Sebastian.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So yeah, there's no expression there.
	Do you know Seth McFarlane?
	He has Botox in his forehead.
	And when you watch him in that movie 101 Ways to Die in the West, he has the exact same problem.
	Look up that movie, Seth McFarlane, 101 Ways to Die in the West, because he's got so much filler in his cheeks and forehead that, like, this is him scared.
	Oh, no, and this is him mad.
	Why you jerk?
	And this is him crying, and then you have a normal homosexual, and Seth McFarlane is gay.
	Look at him, you have a normal homosexual, like Neil Patrick Harris.
	Look at his forehead, it is a dinner plate.
	It's a hat.
	Look, he almost got some wrinkles there.
	Outlaws, angry drunk people, scorned hookers.
	He looks like a cartoon.
	He's got so much shit in his face.
	He doesn't have any expression.
	Everyone else has eyeballs every time I watch shit moving around.
	He looks actually exactly like Robert De Niro.
	You know cholera?
	The black shit.
	The black shit.
	The latest offering in the Frontiers Disease of the Month Club.
	And, and, even if you survive all those things, you know what else can kill you?
	The fucking doctor.
	The doctor can kill you.
	I had a cold a couple years ago on there.
	You don't get the idea.
	Oh, you need an earna.
	Amateurishly directed.
	I'm not sure that's an adjective.
	With CGI, I'm sorry, an adverb.
	With CGI effects so demented, Big Mouth De Niro, who is 76, looks 90 rather than the intended blue-eyed 35 he's supposed to be.
	It's a complete turkey.
	Yeah.
	I wanted, like, I love mobster movies.
	This is when he's, that's his normal age.
	So they didn't put too much on his face.
	Nobody looks that way.
	But yeah, sorry, I didn't finish my previous point.
	Neil Patrick Harris in 100 Ways to Die in the West, he's got like features.
	And when they're acting in a scene together, you see Gaylord Neil going, oh, oh, yeah.
	And you go, oh, I get it.
	You're conveying emotion.
	And then you see Seth McFarlane going, what the hell's going on?
	I don't even know what it is.
	What is that filler?
	Is it actual shit they put in your face?
	Or does it just kill the muscles like Botox?
	I don't know, but his eyes don't look human.
	They look like little bean teddy bear bean.
	Ooh, McFarlane?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Maybe he's not human.
	And that goes back to what I was saying about the gays.
	My buddy just sent me this video from Family Guy of Stewie and the Huey Dewey and the dog and the baby getting attacked by Indians.
	And the mistake was that he'd gone back in time and given guns to the Indians.
	And he goes, how does Seth McFarlane get away from all this politically incorrect shit on his show?
	I mean, no one would get away with that.
	And I'm like, Velvet Mafia.
	He's a gay, and the gays cover each other's backs.
	Is my theory.
	That's my conspiracy.
	Theory shit.
	Yeah, what a, I'm not even looking forward to it.
	I actually honestly, oh, that's the scene I was just talking about.
	I actually honestly see watching The Rest of the Irishman as a homework assignment.
	I'm dreading it, to be frank.
	Also in the news, famous people are insane.
	Laura Dern is basically you when it comes to knowing about things going on, so she hasn't heard of Baby Yoda.
	Well, I've heard of Baby Yoda.
	So she's out promoting some dumb fucking movie that sucks, I assume.
	And the guy asks her, you know, imagine having this job.
	Hi, Laura Dern.
	Can I ask you the most boring, tedious questions imaginable?
	Yeah, sure.
	So working with those guys must have been great.
	How'd you keep a straight face on the set?
	Oh, it wasn't hard.
	They're a really fun guy.
	We're like a family.
	Oh, I've never heard that before.
	That's great.
	Bye.
	So he's actually, this is one of the more interesting things you could ask on the red carpet.
	He says, so what do you think of Baby Yoda?
	She's like, fuck, that doesn't make me look good if I don't know who Baby Yoda is.
	He's probably one of these top rappers like Lil Pump or Post Malone.
	I'm going to pretend that I travel in the same circles as him and I'm friends with him, but I don't really talk to him.
	Oh, no.
	Seen Baby Yoda?
	Yes, I did.
	What do you think about Baby Yoda?
	It's today.
	What do you think about him?
	I saw him.
	I don't know if it's a him or she.
	I don't know, but I think he was at a basketball game.
	That's all I'm going to say.
	I think I saw him at a basketball game.
	That's with his weird gay face, by the way.
	He has like a beak.
	Gays are mean as hell.
	He gave her nothing.
	He didn't laugh.
	He was like, you're not.
	Go back.
	Look at his face.
	Like, he has like a parrot jaw.
	Now I'm obsessed with faces.
	What are we doing to ourselves as a nation?
	Look at his smile.
	And look at him retracting his head like that.
	He's a bird.
	He's a weird parakeet.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I see the beak.
	I think I saw him at a basketball game.
	I think I just saw like a sesame seed pop out of his mouth.
	Hey, keep going.
	You cut it early.
	Oh, no, you didn't.
	I'm sorry.
	So that's important.
	And speaking of insane people, I meant to address this a long time ago, but it got caught, got lost in the shuffle.
	And comparing it to Laura Dern is another example where, and I think, what's his name?
	E3H?
	H3H3, Ethan Hawk.
	Not Ethan Hawk.
	Ethan H3 was talking about this.
	Famous people are mental patients.
	They're fucking stupid and weird.
	And when someone is constantly licking your ass, no matter what's on it, you start going, my shit don't stink.
	I'm actually kind of amazing.
	And every little quirk I say, people crack up.
	My take on things is really fun.
	I know I do this for a living, but I'm aware that I'm not the cutest thing to ever open its mouth.
	I'm not the rapper baby Yoda.
	But Matthew McConaughey doesn't know that.
	This is what happens when you're surrounded with female assistants who think you're a god.
	When people come to my page, I want them to see me.
	Look, this is my first venture into sharing myself and my views with the world.
	And I'm a little bit nervous about it.
	I used to like him because he's Christian and shit.
	I know I want to have a monologue.
	I'm not sure I want to have the dialogue.
	But I've learned it.
	Can you see them all laughing when he says that stupid.
	What is that?
	A pun?
	It's wordplay of some sort.
	Got a movie.
	A rhyme.
	The dialogue to have the monologue, just as you have to have a monologue to have the dialogue.
	Well, no, you don't.
	I'm looking forward to sharing who I am with you.
	I'm looking forward to who I am translates.
	If what I want to share translates.
	No.
	If it tickles your phony bone.
	You just ruined Matthew McConaughey for me.
	I used to like you.
	If it makes you take a quiet moment for a walk and go, I got to check in with the M and the E. Hopefully all those things.
	Let's have some fun with it, though.
	And let's, again, let's keep this high.
	Let's see the high, not the low.
	I'm seeing the low, dude, really clearly.
	Did he just say, I go for a walk?
	And then I think, I better check in on the M and the M?
	The M and the E, me.
	The M and the E?
	Does he mean me, Gavin, or him?
	Well, the Y and the O and the O and the U, you.
	Because he's talking about you're me, and you're me is you to him.
	You know, the older you get, the more you realize no one knows what the fuck they're talking about.
	Like when I was on that tour in Colonial Williamsburg and I go, what was the prominent religion here?
	And he's like, well, a lot of people would get more religious later in life when they realize they're going to die.
	Yeah, I mean, that's true of all of Earth, sir.
	You don't know what you're fucking talking about.
	I mean, maybe surgeons.
	Maybe car mechanics.
	Otherwise, everyone's just...
	Yeah, no, that's...
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I know him.
	Plays play basketball with him.
	He's a good, good guy.
	I hope he stopped tattooing his face, though, because that is looking pretty, pretty, pretty ridiculous.
	Also in the news, remember I told you the end is nigh?
	I think I texted Owen Benjamin and said, you're next, my friend.
	And he said, which channels?
	I didn't know he had a bunch of channels.
	I said, they're all done.
	Will you do your Owen Benjamin imitation?
	Yeah.
	I'm just a little bummed out that my channels are gone.
	Go back to the main picture with him and now just do his voice.
	So we can rip off Aaron Berg.
	Yeah, I should do that.
	I'm just like entertaining my bears.
	And I'm getting over the fact that I got de-platformed again.
	What are you doing?
	I had to reset the video because I played it.
	Hi, everybody.
	I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, I deeply appreciate...
	Just from my heart.
	I really appreciate all the support you guys have been giving me.
	YouTube, as you may or may not know, has taken down both my channels.
	And their reason was they didn't have a reason, which is fine.
	We will fight them.
	But the good news is, we're still crushing.
	And I just made my wife laugh.
	She's like, I'm sorry I have to go through this, baby.
	I was like, I take it as a badge of honor.
	It's like getting kicked out of a gay bar.
	It's like, come with me, sir.
	You're not allowed in butt pumps anymore.
	You just don't fit in.
	You know, there's a little sting, but I'm already over it.com.
	Dlive.tv slash Owen Benjamin Comedy and unauthorized.tv.
	We've had a few hundred unauthorized subscriptions in the last hour or so.
	Keep it up.
	I love you guys.
	There's a little sting.
	And by the way, Little Sting is opening up for Baby Yoda.
	They're on tour together.
	Not bad.
	1-9, he put up this comment on his Instagram, which I think is the only thing he has left.
	Why does he get an Instagram?
	I don't get no Instagram.
	Shit.
	Shit.
	Never see him post no pancake.
	What's so dangerous about Owen Benjamin isn't what he's saying.
	It's that no one is controlling him.
	He has audience and influence, and no one knows him.
	Wait, no one owns him.
	He's proving writers, filmmakers, comedians, and musicians don't need Hollywood anymore, that it was always Hollywood that needed us.
	I thought that was an interesting take because really the purge, the conservative purge, and we're not just saying this with YouTube, is about Trump supporters who are charming or have influence.
	Richard Spencer, David Duke, not a problem.
	But anyone like Proud Boys who makes it look fun to be patriotic, the globalists can't have that because that's nationalism and nationalism is the opposite of globalism.
	By the way, that dude I was making fun of yesterday, the Mexican guy, he emailed me again.
	He goes, you stupid idiot, you didn't get it.
	In my letter, I said that illegals would be better off here than they are in Mexico, and you didn't argue against that.
	I'm not arguing against that.
	That's why I used my house as an analogy.
	Yes, homeless people would be better off in my home, in my guest home, than they would be on the street.
	But if I do that, then there's two homeless people, and now I have 10 homeless people in my house.
	My home is wrecked, and there's still homeless people outside.
	No one is saying it's not better for illegals to be here than with the cartels.
	The question is, how wide can we open our hands?
	And being the country that accepts more immigrants than all other countries combined, I think our arms are a little wide.
	A little wide.
	We could assume that we're giving a lot of ex-cartel murderers a second chance by coming here and welcoming them into, but we wouldn't have that same empathy for our prisoners or anything.
	Like rehabilitating.
	I don't even like these missionaries who go introducing Christianity to shithole countries.
	Go introduce it to the south side of Chicago and Baltimore.
	Go show them the beauty of Christianity.
	By the way, everyone, I'm sure you've noticed Ryan's shirts.
	I keep fucking accidentally washing all my favorite shirts, my Pendleton wool shirts, my wool-rich shirts.
	I mean, you'd have to be stupid to see the word wool in the title and then put it in the dryer.
	But because Ryan is the size of baby Yoda, he's able to wear my shirts.
	And now he has two of my favorite shirts forever.
	Look at that.
	That really rules.
	Show everyone.
	Why don't you stand up and do the wide?
	Okay.
	The wide.
	Wadang ding.
	Look at that great shirt.
	What the fuck's the white thing?
	Oh, that's a pen.
	And then show them the elbows to maybe turn around.
	Look at that.
	You want to go put on the other one I gave you?
	I don't have it with me.
	What do you mean?
	I didn't have it with me.
	I put it in my book bag, but I took it out when I got home.
	What do you mean, home?
	Upstate?
	No, no, at the apartment.
	Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
	Okay, but I gave it to you in the studio.
	Yeah, I didn't leave it at the studio.
	No, I took it home.
	That's quite logical.
	All right, speaking of logic, if you recall, 90 Day Fiancé had, I'm going to say, the most pathetic human being I've ever come across in my life.
	And it was a big hit with the viewers at home.
	It made our great episode that was the Monday app that was so good it made Tuesday suck.
	And so I want to bring back the wonderment that was Monday's show by dipping our toes back into the Caesar pool.
	Now, what I didn't know is this is ancient news, and there's tons and tons of footage out there about Caesar, including Maria talking about denying that she's received 40 grand, her defending herself, which I'm on board with, saying, whatever, I'm not married.
	What do you want me to do?
	And his boss loaning him money so he can take her to Mexico and make her wear edible panties while they drink champagne and he beats her with a whip.
	Hey guys, Caesar's back.
	Now this is kind of ancient news to people who watch 90 Day Fiancé.
	I love this show, but I don't really get to watch it much.
	I'm a busy man.
	So this is not where you come for breaking news.
	I'm sorry, I only just discovered this guy, Caesar.
	I discovered him on a Reddit cringe thing, not even from the show.
	But our viewers are very happy with how pathetic this fucking loser is.
	And they keep sending us updates.
	And then, you know, you go to YouTube and you get in a black hole.
	Anyway, I've parsed through like 900 videos of Caesar.
	And these, I think, are the three most relevant ones to keep you up to date as far as what happened since you saw the last video.
	So here he is at Aloha, which isn't in Hawaii.
	It's in Jacksonville, Florida.
	South Carolina.
	Oh, South Carolina.
	Jacksonville, South Carolina.
	Beautiful, beautiful state.
	You know, he could have such a great life with some girl in his league that's like his age, doing nails, just going out for beers, keeping all his money.
	Things could be so good for him.
	But anyway, he's decided to take her up on her offer to go to Mexico where they can both be together.
	In Mexico.
	But I'm broke.
	The only way that I can make this work is asking for a loan from my boss.
	Grossest job in the world.
	Hey, what's up, man?
	How you been?
	What's going on?
	What's up?
	I'm a guy who belongs in a nail shop.
	I own it.
	And I just got off the boat.
	Of course, soon I'll be living, I'll have a whole chain of these and I'll be living in the burbs, you know, elevating myself, moving up the ladder.
	You, however, are living the worst of my life right now.
	She doesn't want to go to Ukraine.
	She wants to go to Mexico.
	She's saying that if we go to Ukraine, it's going to be too cold.
	But I wanted to ask you a favor, though.
	Yeah.
	I need some money so I could fly to Mexico.
	Man, I don't know.
	You've been wasting a lot of money.
	How much is sending her a month now?
	I sound like around like $800, $80,000.
	$900 a month.
	That's a lot of money.
	I'm just saying, you know, it's...
	See, just this is the importance of friends.
	This is why bar culture is so important.
	And if you go to Britain, you can see pub culture dying.
	And that's the end of Britain.
	This is how communities stayed together.
	They're more than church in the UK.
	And it's also an integral part of our history.
	You know, the reason that we have America is because we would meet in these taverns and the British government said, hey, guys, learn how to use guns and start your own militias.
	And we'll pay you free beer at the tavern if you come to these gun lessons.
	And they went, okay.
	And then after a while, they go, A, these are awesome.
	And B, why don't we just say this is our country now, bitch?
	So pubs unify Britain and taverns unify America.
	This guy clearly doesn't hang out in bars.
	And so the only buddy he has is his boss.
	And by the way, little side note here.
	The producers are clearly paying for this.
	They just made up a fake scene and they said, here's $900.
	Can you give it to him and pretend you're loaning it to him?
	Because the owner of this nail salon would never loan Caesar money for this stupid bitch and his Kakamimi trip to Mexico.
	For five years now, he's the best guy.
	He's the best worker.
	He's the best friend.
	And all this time, five years, he'd been dating Maria.
	She tried to skip out every time that he tried to meet her.
	I know.
	I'm not dating.
	Do you think it's a coincidence he got a job there five years ago and started talking to her five years ago?
	Or did he get the job to support this nonsense?
	No, I think the Asian chick that he was with since high school got him a job there because she worked there.
	And then when she dumped him, he was so devastated that he went to Anastasia and they were like, come on in, moron.
	Go ahead.
	See, my freaking dating with five, six guy on the computer at the same time.
	Yes.
	Are you sure it's not a catfish?
	Why is he trying to hide away from you?
	You work hard, man, for your money.
	Everybody in here, okay?
	Your coworker, everybody, they have the same mind thinking as I do.
	Oh, not just your coworkers.
	Earth.
	Every single person in the fucking world but you has the same mindset, which is get out of there, you boob.
	They say, what happened if it doesn't work?
	It's not going to happen like that.
	I know inside my heart, what's going to happen.
	What?
	Oh, man.
	You're hurting.
	Maria, she's real.
	You can't suck it.
	We're going to get married.
	Gonna get married?
	Trust me, I got it all together, man.
	However, I will let you down.
	I never let you down.
	No, you keep letting you down, dumbass.
	You know, I'm starting to think that there's nothing wrong with this.
	My uncle was a homosexual and he was closeted his whole life.
	We didn't really find it.
	I always had a sense, but we didn't find it for sure till after he died and we saw his pictures and like, here I am in San Francisco.
	And my dad always knew he was gay.
	always said that he had sussed it out.
	But I remember there was some dude that my uncle was paying off, like giving him, I don't know, 20 pounds a month.
	Whoa, what happened to me there?
	Oh, I vanished.
	I disappeared.
	All right, there we go.
	That was my dead uncle from the afterlife fucking with me.
	Shracking, don't be fucking mediculous, all right?
	No one cares that you were gay.
	Maybe in the 50s or the 60s, but this is well into the 80s and 90s.
	You could have had a great life with Cox Galore.
	Why'd you waste your bloody time living with your ma, you stupid cunt?
	That was absolutely ridiculous.
	And to start sabotaging my show for what?
	Telling the truth?
	No one knows you, pal.
	There's no impact here.
	No one's going, uh-oh, Strachan's fucking legacy has been marred.
	You fucked your own life up.
	Don't mess with my computers.
	Sorry about that.
	And so I said to my dad, yeah, I think someone's extorting Strachan.
	And he's giving, like, I don't know, 50 pounds to some guy that he made out with that is going to like expose him.
	Now, I got guys in Glasgow.
	If there's one thing Glasgow can do, it's violence.
	Let's take care of this guy.
	And my dad said, oh, fuck it.
	You know, he's happy.
	He's got money.
	He's no one to leave it to.
	And if this is part of his life and he gets some sort of clandestine thrill from being extorted, it's supply and demand.
	So we just dropped it.
	And I'm starting to think the same way about this booger clown.
	He's derived a lot of joy from this ridiculous grift.
	He masturbates to her three times a day.
	He's got over his Asian girlfriend.
	Yes, he spent a fortune, but people, I spend a fortune on booze because it makes me feel good.
	I don't know if I've spent $40,000, but maybe.
	Maybe.
	I mean, a maker's is $12.
	It'll be all right.
	I mean, I can't give you money all the time.
	How about never?
	But I'll help you this time, but that's it.
	I'll help you this time for your Mexico trip where you're going to meet her, fall in love, then get married, and he'll propose in Mexico.
	Spoiler alert, he brought a ring.
	To go see her, and I wouldn't want to shatter it.
	I just hope that this.
	Dude, you can't shatter it.
	He is the scary Perry of dating.
	No matter how absurd this grift gets, he will keep coming back for more.
	All right, that's enough.
	Does this get better?
	So no.
	So he's just borrowing money.
	Do they show him flying?
	He gets a ticket.
	Yeah, he does go to the hotel here.
	I mean, the airport, excuse me.
	Love you, my husband.
	That's a nice shirt.
	That's old footage they're using.
	Yeah.
	I love you.
	Do not reverse image.
	I love you and miss you.
	That's the problem with these TLC shows, too.
	They'll take like five minutes of footage and just stretch it out and repeat it until you've seen it nine million times.
	All right, so that's enough of that one.
	Do not reverse image search this picture, please.
	Bye.
	No, she exists.
	We've looked her up.
	She does exist.
	And she's just, she just basically says what I just said, which is, yeah, it's a hustle.
	I have a bunch of these guys.
	And, you know, I make money from it.
	He's not my boyfriend.
	I'm not married.
	So what the fuck?
	And you sort of go.
	All right, Sean King.
	You are a black guy.
	You win.
	Hey, I made it.
	I'm number one.
	North Carolina, sorry.
	North Carolina.
	Even better.
	Less hot.
	Wait, is he frozen?
	What happened there?
	Wait a minute.
	What happened?
	Was that a cardboard cutout?
	Is he catfishing me now?
	He's terrified of birds.
	My life is ruined now.
	So this is him.
	Just pause.
	So this is him.
	He's arrived in Mexico and his life is ruined because she didn't show.
	But the reason, the whole reason we're doing this whole update is based on one thing, and that is that he has edible panties in his luggage.
	Let's start using that as an expression.
	It means that you're lost and you're off on a tangent.
	Like, dude, you got edible panties in your luggage.
	There's no way it's going to happen.
	You're never going to make it.
	Say he walks in here.
	He's got edible panties in his luggage.
	He thinks he's going to be fucking her forever.
	Dude, take the edible panties out of your luggage.
	She doesn't like you.
	Dude, this is leading into disaster.
	I see you online buying edible panties right now.
	Yeah.
	Like, I can just see me when you're with that Texan girl I want you to get together with.
	And I'm sort of massaging your shoulders and I'm like, get in there, buddy.
	You got edible panties in your luggage.
	You can do this.
	Actually, that's not good because you're going to get dumped.
	Edible panties.
	Yeah.
	I've already ruined the colloquialism.
	You've only been using it for 20 seconds.
	Well, it'll find its wings.
	My last day in Mexico, and I'm ready to go home because I'm just really, really miserable right now.
	Marie didn't show up.
	She broke up with me.
	Maybe somebody.
	So does that mean it's over?
	Is that it?
	Was it over when?
	It's over.
	It's always been over.
	Oh.
	Single tear.
	That was a good tear, by the way.
	Guys, I don't like men crying, but I think that's an okay time to cry, right?
	That Clinicewood movies and movies of military guys coming home.
	But if a man is going to cry, you never want to have that.
	You can't ugly face cry.
	Just stand there as a tear goes.
	It's called reality, Caesar.
	I want to put that on the video.
	He doesn't Caesar.
	He sees nothing.
	Non-seer.
	I've never been hurt like this before in my life.
	Now you Caesar?
	Now you don't.
	Okay, pause.
	All right.
	This is why.
	What is that?
	Candy?
	Posting pouch?
	Yeah.
	Dude, I think some of these are for him.
	So she eats the edible men's underwear off of his cock and balls.
	Now, I'm a very open guy sexually, especially in a consensual loving relationship, you know, and it's not in an alleyway.
	So I'm not against edible panties or whatever that is, a candy pouch.
	But like, I've been having sex with my wife for 20 years now.
	We're nowhere near edible pouches.
	Like, that is so advanced.
	And doesn't he also, you said he also has a whip in this?
	Yeah.
	Like, S and M in a relationship, I am totally for whatever floats your boat.
	But that's like, I don't, I know of maybe three couples in my life that get into like bondage and like it's a really big deal.
	You are very comfortable with that person.
	You're very sexually advanced.
	You two almost have this like celestial bond.
	It's almost like masturbating.
	You guys are sex experts.
	And even the horniest, sluttiest couples, you're probably not going to get to like edible underwear and whips.
	Even if you were like previously a sex worker, you're probably not going to get into that until, I don't know, the first like year of having sex three times a day.
	So my point here is Caesar's jumping the gun just a little bit with all of that edible gear.
	Look at it.
	It's a third of his suitcase.
	It really is.
	And also, shouldn't you take him out the box?
	I guess he wants to show that they're fresh.
	Yeah.
	They're actually not that fresh.
	The corners on this one seem a little ragged.
	He's going to get hungry on the way back home, and those things are going to get munched.
	No, but look at these.
	Like, that takes a lot of wear and tear for the corners to go white.
	This could have been in a bargain bin for years.
	And it was like, buy five, get one free.
	And he's like, okay, fuck.
	I'm feeling really terrible right now.
	Well, that's the engagement ring.
	Nope.
	I wanted to leave Mexico with the fiancé, but now I'm leaving Mexico alone with my tiny almond of a brain.
	Just all alone now.
	I want to buy her engagement ring with a diamond as big as my brain.
	Tell everyone in Jacksonville what happened because everyone's just going to say Caesar.
	Wait, go back.
	He has a bottle of champagne in his bag that he packed.
	You shouldn't do that.
	That's getting rattled around in there.
	You can buy champagne in Mexico, my friend.
	But where's my whip, Ryan?
	You promised me a whip.
	I hope the guys in the next studio can't hear me say that.
	Oh, I spied a whip.
	Okay.
	I don't.
	I think you might have been seeing the handle of the champagne.
	I think you thought that was a whip.
	Like a fog or something.
	And also, can I just interrupt this for a second?
	There's a strange twist going on here because in another video we saw, he calls up to see what's going on with the ticket and they said it was insufficient funds.
	So I think it's possible that he's so dim-witted that he bought him and her a ticket and a hotel and it was, you know, let's say 4,500 bucks and he had $3,000 in his bank account.
	And he just sort of went, what?
	Like, I think that might be the grift.
	Maybe she was willing to get on the plane.
	Maybe.
	Because tell me what her hustle is going to be.
	Unless she says, you wire me the money and I'll buy the ticket.
	That's obviously you're just going to keep the money.
	But a plane ticket, you can't sell that.
	Anyway, sorry, go back.
	Insufficient phones, yeah.
	845, isn't that upstate New York?
	Yeah.
	It wasn't down.
	Was there some numbers missing?
	What was going on?
	It looks like the reservation was canceled automatically because there were insufficient funds in your account.
	Next to a champagne flute with diamond earrings.
	Your bank did not allow us to collect the payment.
	The payment has never been charged.
	Has never been charged?
	No.
	Do you know what math is?
	Do you know how numbers work?
	Start with building blocks.
	So that's the end of that one?
	Yep.
	Okay, so I think we have one more.
	How are we doing for time here?
	Doing good.
	We're at 17 minutes.
	We have one more where he's come back from Mexico.
	She's still angry with him.
	I'm starting to like her.
	She's not doing anything wrong.
	I mean, yes, it was she did commit fraud when she said there was a problem with my passport on the first meetup.
	But whatever.
	It's sort of like, remember that Russian chick who went to prison for hustling everyone, saying that she was a Rockefeller or something like that?
	And they went on these lavish trips and she would say, I'll pay half.
	And then they get this big fancy hotel and live like kings.
	She's just hanging out with the richest people in the country.
	And then she'd go, oh, shit, I forgot my wallet.
	And then they would have to pay for the hotel.
	And then she tried to get a loan from the bank to open a nightclub for $20 million.
	And she said, I'm a Rockefeller.
	And they said, well, that doesn't pan out.
	I don't really know what she did that was wrong.
	I mean, if I walk into a bank and say, hi, I'm a Rockefeller.
	Can I have 20 million?
	Is that illegal?
	Obviously, the bank's going to say, well, we need collateral.
	Why would we just give you the money based on what you say your name is?
	So the same with this chick.
	Outside of the lie where she said there was something wrong with my passport, that's committing fraud.
	That's stealing.
	But outside of those, saying, hey, my husband, I love you.
	Send me $800 for flowers.
	It's unethical.
	I don't want anyone I know or love to be involved in anything close to that.
	But as far as like the hardcore, I don't know, like laws of a society, a fool and his money are soon parted.
	Look at him.
	Really?
	Who are you texting?
	You can tell the producer wants to just rescue him.
	Good morning, my husband.
	My love.
	I'm texting Maria.
	I've been back from Mexico for two weeks where I was supposed to meet my Ukrainian girlfriend Maria for the first time.
	I got a lot of letters, by the way, people saying, fuck you, she's a seven at best.
	We really have to recalibrate this entire country's rating system.
	I'm not a blonde guy, but calling that a seven is just retarded.
	It kind of implies that you're a spoiled brat.
	I mean, just the bone structure and everything.
	You could be from outer space.
	You could be an animal.
	You could be an elk.
	And you could come and go, oh, no.
	It's just a fact.
	For the first time.
	After five long years of dating online.
	No.
	But I never.
	You're not dating, Caesar.
	Neither is she.
	Neither is she.
	Maria in person because the ticket that I bought her was canceled.
	There was a flight canceled.
	Yeah, and I will.
	She blamed me for it.
	I think she's right.
	And then she broke up with me.
	Yeah.
	Maybe somewhere next flight.
	We're going to meet her.
	Okay, good.
	At least it's over, right, folks at home?
	Now we can get on with our lives?
	Yeah.
	Does that mean it's over?
	Is that it?
	Are you going to be doing Coke off of that soon?
	Even though Maria broke my heart, since I've been home, we've been talking again.
	I'm not going to give up on her.
	I started talking to Maria about a week after I left from Mexico.
	She actually text messaged me first.
	And so the first text was, you know, I'm sorry about the problem that happened.
	Can we start over again?
	Start over.
	And I really do love you.
	And I want to, you know, love you and give you a kiss.
	Stop.
	Stop, stop, stop, stop.
	I can't take it anymore.
	I can't take it anymore.
	Steppa.
	Are you my steppa?
	Stepa.
	Should I invite you to my Christmas party?
	Hell yeah, bro.
	I guess so, right?
	I don't know who to invite because I have my different scenes.
	I have my happy hour bar by the studio in Manhattan.
	Then I have my local dive bar in the Burbs.
	Then I have my gym friends, boxing friends.
	I fucking tore up Tommy today.
	Tommy, if you're listening.
	Sorry, dude.
	Is that the huge one?
	Yeah.
	Overhand right.
	You really got him?
	Yeah, I got him twice.
	It was an overhand right.
	But you know what he did to me?
	He was getting tired and he wanted to tire me out, so he just barreled at me like a rhinoceros.
	Now, no fear.
	Larry Barnes told me when someone comes at you, he would do it with the pads sometimes.
	He'd crowd me and he'd say, push me off you, push me off you.
	So I would do that.
	But when you're pushing off Tommy, who's 260 pounds, you're draining your legs, your arms, your core, everything is pushing back on this guy.
	So he brought my gas tank down to E. And he goes, why didn't you pivot, dumbass?
	Oh, you're supposed to like bullfight him?
	Yes.
	He goes, ole me.
	Ole me.
	Yeah.
	And then I said, wait, did you spell that L-A-Y?
	Because I'm not fucking you.
	I'm married.
	Why do you want to get with me?
	Olay me.
	Oh, will you lay me?
	That's an Irish fucking.
	That's an Irish fuck yeah.
	What about this guy?
	I hate fighting tall guys.
	The overhand right is your only hope.
	Now, as long as they're in the same weight class, this height difference is allowed to happen, right?
	Oh, yeah.
	It's all a weight.
	Yeah.
	But that reach.
	Look at him.
	I have another technique, too.
	I start acting like a dumb lunatic.
	Like spinning around or going, I told you about the monkey thing.
	And it actually is effective because it shows that I'm not really scared.
	What did he do?
	Kick him in the knee?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I guess you got a UFC type of thing.
	I guess we don't need the music for that.
	Right behind the high cheese.
	He kept working at it for a while.
	He snapped a ligament or there or something?
	Yeah, he was working at it for a while.
	I don't like Muay Thai.
	I mean, I guess it's funner to watch because there's more action, but you have your thing.
	And I know my thing isn't better.
	I've heard great arguments for MMA that it's better than boxing.
	I'm sorry, I just like boxing better.
	I gotta watch some Mike Tyson fights.
	Who's that?
	I think that's Mike Tyson.
	Is it not?
	Is it?
	What an age leg he was.
	Look at that poor bastard.
	There he is.
	You're dead, sir.
	Excuse me, sir.
	Oh, man.
	You forgot something.
	Lights out.
	Let's look at Larry Barnes.
	You want to hear something?
	Please don't give this away.
	I don't think anyone has any way of contacting him, but we got him these pads that say Larry Barnes on them.
	Yeah.
	And so we're going to be fucking with them this weekend and be like, you were a world champ.
	Look at you now.
	Look at those pads, raggedy ass pads.
	You were dope.
	Yeah.
	Is that Trinidad?
	Yeah.
	I've seen that one too many times.
	Show another one.
	And then he's, you got to watch it with those old school guys, though.
	Like, sometimes I fuck with them and be like, what the fuck you looking at?
	You want to go?
	You want to go right now?
	Let me get my gear on.
	I'll go, I swear to God, I'm working hard not to laugh, but I go, I swear to God, I will knock the fucking black out of you.
	I will punch you so hard you go out this fucking window.
	Then I'll run downstairs and I'll fucking knock you out before you hit the ground.
	I'm happy to go back to Rikers any fucking time, old man.
	But then one time I said, you want to do this, Larry?
	Just keep pushing fucking Trinidad 2.
	And then he goes, oh, watch yourself.
	Watch yourself.
	That's the one.
	I'm sorry, Mr. Barnes.
	Doing the jokey tough guy thing that we like to do.
	One time we were outside and I was getting onto my bike and he's like, yo, what the fuck?
	I'm right here outside.
	And I go, oh, once I get mad, I can't get unmad.
	Once the train leaves the station, you're a dead man.
	And this almost made him crack up by go, trains don't do U-turns, motherfucker.
	That's hilarious.
	And then we're right by a pizza place, right?
	And the Guys from the pizza place start coming up going, come on, man.
	Hey, guys.
	And we made a pact that day that if the cops ever come, we have to not keep character.
	Yeah.
	We're not going to shove each other, but just be like, this guy's been talking shit, writing checks.
	His ass can't cash.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And the cops are like, just calm now.
	I don't know, man.
	That's great.
	But anyway, we're going to go, your pads suck.
	What the fuck?
	And then here, show him.
	And then after.
	Oh, he's looking tired there.
	Whoa.
	He would run 12 miles a day.
	See, the thing about little guys is they stay inside.
	What's this guy doing?
	Oh, you see that?
	He got a right out of nowhere.
	Look, he's being arrogant, but every time Larry takes a pause, he nails him on the inside.
	That's a whole other field of boxing when you're on the inside.
	Look at this asshole just laughing him off.
	Boom!
	So anyway, we're going to end it with, you should have pads like these.
	These are much nicer.
	And they'll say Larry Barnes, beautiful stitched on leather letters.
	Like they're really fancy.
	We all pitched it.
	That's really cool.
	Yeah, and I like telling people that publicly that I bought a black guy a present because it makes me look benevolent.
	Yeah, look, I gave shirts to a chink.
	Yeah, I'm giving shirts to Nips.
	Oh, by the way, please donate to our charity, Shirts to Nips.
	Yes, please.
	It's helping the Japanese homeless.
	And there's been a lot of blowback with the URL and the fact that the shirts say shirts for nips on them.
	They're losing sight of that it's helping.
	I did not know it was a negative racial epithet.
	I was abbreviating Nipon.
	Yes.
	And I have now learned better.
	I don't understand why that country in Africa is allowed to be called the N-word when I'm the bad guy for starting shirts for nips.
	Nips, yeah.
	That's like Deutschland Dois or something.
	Yeah.
	You know, you can't, we're giving to charity, but I don't know why we have to be flattering at the same time.
	Yeah, if you're giving them free shit, you should at least be able to insult them a little bit.
	Yeah, like you give a homeless man a couple bucks.
	You're like, get a fucking job, though.
	Seriously.
	Yeah, get a fucking job.
	Fuck.
	That's like that chick, the drug dealer from the other, or the drug eat from the other show who's looking for.
	Mikey!
	Fucking get him!
	Fucking get Mikey!
	All right, I need to put them on the board.
	Anytime there's a Mikey.
	The fuck, though, it was like she probably scraped her lips off.
	Can we see Larry Barnes knock someone out, please?
	Yep.
	Bam!
	I always ask him a question, like, I find it trouble.
	Like, getting in a left hook, I feel like there's so much warning that I'm just, here comes the left hook.
	He's like, no, you gotta get down.
	Then what happens?
	Bam, bam!
	I'm like, oh, chill oot.
	Glenwood Browns, I think he serves it to him there, right?
	He called me the mayor of Cupcakeville today.
	That's not nice.
	He said, you a mayor of Cupcakeville with Twinkie Fillin.
	Unless you like baking a lot, I think he was insulting you.
	I believe it was derogatory.
	Yes.
	He would run 12 miles a day.
	There he is.
	This is a very black episode, huh?
	Yeah, it's a bluff episode.
	I should submit this to B.E.T. It's a white guy who's really into black stuff.
	Reggae and boxing.
	It's called Everyone in LA.
	No Fear, that's what they call him.
	You can kind of tell, right?
	He's like a little worker bee.
	He's a dung beetle.
	He's just doing the job.
	Does he have a box, Ryan?
	Does he have a clean scout?
	Because you're so petite, you're baby Yoda-sized, you'll be in a low-weight class, and then you've got broad shoulders and good arms, so you're kind of designed for it.
	I'll try it out.
	You should come this Saturday when we give him the mitts.
	Oh, okay.
	So you do do it on the weekends?
	You go to the gym?
	I don't do it on the weekends.
	It's so packed.
	And you get one sparring round in, and then you have to wait for like six other people.
	You're sitting there in that stupid head thing that makes me feel claustrophobic.
	You know what happened today?
	This is so gay.
	But I'm talking to Huey, and he's got his mouthpiece on, and he's telling some story about conspiracy theories.
	And he gets this big thing, a spit on me.
	And I'm like, dude, look at the size of that.
	Are you calling out?
	Yeah, I go, that's like a pint glass of gob you just left.
	And he's like, oh, sorry, you got the mouth leaf in.
	And then another one hits me.
	And I'm like, what the fuck?
	Oh, you know what it is.
	It's condensation from the pipes.
	And I go, but I don't see any wet spots on the pipes.
	But there it goes again.
	Is that spit or condensation?
	Then I look over and Coach Ryan has a water pistol across the ring and he's just been going.
	That's funny, dude.
	And that's the best case scenario when you're fucking with people is to see them going, what the hell is you just spit on me?
	It's like that thing where you tap someone on the shoulder.
	Or one time I was in Britain.
	I was like 18, coming back from four months in Europe, just touring squats as a punk.
	And I knew I was going to miss my plane because I was stupid enough to take the train and I miscalculated how long it was going to take.
	So as a Scotsman, when we're freaking out and it's a major catastrophe, we start farting.
	And I was letting these stress farts that could easily melt steel.
	Like, I think if you put your hand near my ass, it would come out looking like Freddie's face.
	It was shocking.
	And it was a level of stench that was so bad that people didn't think it was poo.
	That's happened to me twice.
	They thought it was like the pass by a dead carcass of an animal or something.
	Exactly.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Some woman got on the train and she goes, oh my God.
	And then she says to her woman, do you smell that?
	And he goes, yeah, what happens is a lot of the time rats will get caught in the sort of air ducts and then they'll die there and they rot.
	Again, no one knows what they're talking about.
	Then they'll rot in the air ducts and then that gets filtered through.
	Yeah, it will probably be handled, you know, at the end of the night.
	But until then, of course, we'll have to inhale this carcass of a dead rat.
	No, it's me, asshole.
	I farted.
	They're talking about your asshole.
	My asshole.
	He has theories about my butthole.
	That it is that of a button.
	I should have said that.
	Do you have any more theories about my butthole, sir?
	Another time it happened, I was in a cab, and I wasn't stressed out that time.
	I don't know why I had a Freddy face melter, but I let one go.
	And my wife says to the cab driver, do you smell that?
	And you know what he said?
	He goes, yes, we were in like an industrial part of Jersey.
	And he's like, yes, this is a very industrial section.
	There are a lot of factories and manufacturing here.
	So this could be all kinds of things, maybe plastics.
	Or there could be a dead rat in the back seat, up Gavin's ass.
	You smell like an industrial city.
	My butthole either smells like a dead rat or an industry.
	Shall we check some Mizale?
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's male bad.
	Let me touch it.
	This is from Jani.
	I'm not sure if that's male or female.
	Hi there, Gabby and Rye Fry.
	I just wanted to share this podcast with you that I just heard with the most whiny millennial Native American, in lots of quotes, trying to sabotage a podcast about a racist video game with these nerds who are totally unaware of what's happening, mostly because he's so conflict avoidant, just say chicken, that even his huge stand sounds like he's at gunpoint.
	You've made mentions about poor adrenaline control before, and this is a textbook case.
	Skip to 24 minutes in.
	Earwolf episode, Custer's Revenge.
	I assume you were digging this up.
	A thing that like, it would be hard for me to be on this episode of the show without talking about something that I think is kind of an elephant in the room for me at least.
	And that's like tokenization.
	Sure.
	And what I mean by that is, and like I'm being like, this is like not a bit super serious.
	I think I'm the only Native American who asked you out on the show, right?
	Yes.
	Gross.
	Tokenization.
	I'm dubious of your Native Americanness.
	Which one is it?
	Him in the middle?
	The guy in the middle.
	If you're not 25%, you're not an Indian.
	If people don't ask you if you're Asian, you're not an Indian.
	And with my wife's tribe, it literally is 15%.
	If they're not that, they don't get the checks from the casino.
	Sorry, keep going.
	About a video game where the whole point of the game is for General Custer to rape a Native American woman, and it's for the Thanksgiving episode.
	That's like, I'm not saying it's not as bad.
	That's fucked up.
	And I guess, what the fuck?
	Just pause.
	So he's offended that in a video game, General Custer has to rape an Indian woman.
	Yeah, that's offensive.
	Congratulations.
	Do you also hate the video game where innocent black children are lynched?
	Like, talk about going out on a limb here.
	Wow, this guy's really politically correct.
	Thought process in putting this episode together.
	I mean, you're right to call us out on it.
	I guess we didn't think about the tokenization of it that much.
	We thought of you as a gamer, and we thought of you, we figured we'd want a native perspective on something so grim and so dark.
	But you're right, it is fucked up to put you in that box and say like, hey, this is your responsibility to come in and talk about this fucked up thing.
	Yeah, and I mean, it bums me out a lot.
	And once again, you know, apologies for...
	These are my emotions.
	You know, there is this thing oftentimes, especially like with natives and the entertainment industry and the comedy community, and that I'm one of very few.
	And it's sort of like it's tough because it kind of minimizes us into being less than what we are.
	Like it kind of puts me into a box of not necessarily being like a super funny comedy writer.
	And we had like a great conversation before this.
	And like, you know, you two are people that I really respect.
	Wait a minute.
	Like, if you had a white dude talking about it, then that would be shitty appropriation.
	Hey, Joey, check out this really racist, horrible video game.
	What are your thoughts?
	And he's the perfect person to discuss that.
	He's clearly obsessed with identity politics.
	I've never heard of the Cowlitz tribe.
	I'm going to ask my wife if they're bullshit.
	And you're a comedy writer, so the fact that you would demand that the comedy is removed from that and you speak solemnly about a video game.
	Also, this is a very un-Indian thing, is to be an uptight little bitch.
	Actually, I'm not going to apologize.
	Yeah, I'm not apologizing.
	Why would you bring me in here to make me watch this?
	Do you know how hurtful?
	Do you know how hard this is for me as an Indian?
	What fun.
	You know, there's so few Indian people in this milieu that for you to thrust me into one where a woman gets raped, do you think I like the fact that General Custard raped my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great-grandmother?
	Fuck you.
	What a fucking nerd.
	It's a cat.
	Sorry, dude.
	Your Indian-ness has overtaken your, sorry, your nerdiness has overtaken your Indianness.
	All right, so we'll find out if that.
	But yeah, why can't people say, oh, relax, Jesus Christ, Joey, take a chill pill.
	Oh, and then he wrote a big article about it.
	I celebrated Native American Heritage Munch by ruining a comedy podcast.
	Yeah.
	Cool.
	You did.
	And the show is called, How Did This Get Played?
	To reviewing the worst and weirdest video games.
	Oh, they.
	Way to go, Joey.
	We hate your fucking guts now, you stupid cunt.
	Next letter.
	From Chris.
	Gavin said he would be gone and he is gone.
	Now, no doubt, Gavin and others will be soon to follow.
	And you'll also notice that No Doubt is not banned.
	The band, No Doubt?
	Yeah.
	The band, No Doubt, isn't banned.
	Yet I'm banned?
	Why would they be banned?
	Because they're Nazis.
	And they rape Pocahontas.
	I didn't know that.
	Yes.
	Their first album was called Rape Ahantis.
	Oh, my lord.
	Yeah.
	And they've invaded a video game where black babies are lynched.
	Jesus.
	I know.
	I was like, I don't like that.
	The band, no doubt?
	Yes, the band.
	Gwen Stefani.
	She does kind of look like a white supremacist.
	Yeah.
	Well, because the Indian guy hates that Indians are called Indian because he's like, I'm a fucking Indian.
	And he's misdirected that resentment and directed it on First Nations people, Native Americans, people of the Clifton tribe or whatever that tribe was called.
	I'm not finding the Rape Haunt us album, but.
	Well, it was banned.
	Oh, okay.
	But No Doubt isn't banned.
	They were also in the KKK.
	I don't believe that at all.
	would I lie?
	Everyone that's not What?
	No doubt.
	Clan.
	Unity clan pops up.
	The Indian guy hates it, and that's one of the reasons they broke up and Gwent's Defending Win Solo because she wanted to pursue a career in racism.
	And then she saw it's bad for business, so they made an album in Jamaica with that, hey, baby.
	That's them.
	Is that them?
	That seems like a really early picture.
	Unless they put some vintage effects on it.
	Yeah, it's just black and white.
	That's no doubt.
	I'm almost positive that's no doubt.
	That doesn't look like their body shapes.
	And why would I don't understand why they would invite me onto this show to discuss such a thing?
	Yeah, that is a good point.
	Like, you know how much that's going to fuck me up?
	Because I'm the token white guy on the show?
	I'm the only white guy on this show.
	Every time the clan comes up, I have to be the guy.
	Good point.
	To talk about it.
	It's like, fuck you.
	You know?
	Yeah, no, I get it.
	Makes sense.
	Now I'm in a bad mood.
	And trains don't do U-turns.
	The bad mood train has left the station.
	This is a screenshot from the music video, Spider Webs.
	Oh, really?
	All look like male hands.
	Which one's Gwen Stefani?
	I guess the one without the hands on the back, but she's very portly.
	She might have stuffed.
	Did you know?
	When my son, my middle son, was really young, like five, he just invented all these sayings.
	And one of them was, did you know that you're not fair?
	Or the Bob Marley has begun.
	Or scientists say when you read a book to love, you just fall apart.
	I remember hearing something that he said that was so good.
	He said, my wife picked up her phone once and there was a video on it.
	And she clicks the phone and he's filming his own face about this far away.
	He's maybe six when he said this.
	And he said on her phone, no, no, no, baby, not today.
	What?
	What happened?
	Where's that from?
	That's funny.
	He's just a funny fact.
	Badass means good ass was another one.
	And then this one drove me nuts.
	You're laughing at me, not with me.
	That one he said so much that I lost my temper a couple times because he would say these things non-bucking stop.
	But the scientists say.
	Oh, yeah.
	And then another thing he did for about a year was bow.
	I say bow.
	Bow.
	And what'd you say?
	I say bow.
	I don't know.
	Anyway, good day.
	Do you know if free speech is looking to expand rapidly because of the December 10th purge?
	I don't give a shit about the December 10th purge.
	I'm already purged.
	My YouTube channel brings in, I don't know, maybe five subscribers a month.
	Maybe 10.
	That master clipper guy probably brings in another 10.
	What are we up to now?
	13,980.
	So YouTube is a fraction of that.
	A fracture.
	With all the conservative YouTube channels disappearing soon, they will need to go somewhere.
	I don't know.
	Why don't we try free speech.tv, you stupid turd?
	Somehow I've been watching, someone I've been watching for quite a while is John Doyle, who is a young guy around 21 who has a YouTube channel called Heck Off, Commie.
	Check it out.
	Anyone who the road on the road has a choad, but the nimble symbol fumbles with the thimbles.
	Make sure you include superfluous wordplay at the end of your letters, folks.
	Then he says, Peace nerds.
	You want to look up John Doyle?
	Is he worth checking you?
	You hold down your windows, you turn off your music, both hands on the wheel, and it's like, yeah, it's annoying, but unless you're being pulled over on, what is it, I-80?
	It's a general rule, the easier you make the cop's job, the easier your life is going to be, roughly speaking.
	Wait, no, no, no, no.
	It says Bolsheviks.
	Is your washroom breeding Bolsheviks?
	It's some propaganda in the back.
	What's on the lawn next to that poster?
	Oh, it says, don't let that shadow touch them by war bonds.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, so it's an American American.
	Don't let the swastika touch them.
	You got the M1 Garan in the background?
	Okay.
	So do we start taking all those guys in?
	I mean, I guess.
	How many views?
	How many views does that have?
	At least one.
	32,000.
	That's pretty good.
	123,000.
	Basically, all I care is, will you pay for yourself?
	There's this guy saying.
	And if you have 32,000 views per video, you'll probably bring in, I don't know, 50 to 100 subscribers, and that's what?
	10,000 bucks?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, true.
	This guy, Donut Operator, is real good.
	Somebody turned me on to him, one of the viewers.
	Donut Operator.
	Donut to coast away to Chicago.
	How many views does he get?
	2.6 million.
	Oh, yeah, I know this dude.
	You know this guy?
	Yeah, he's great.
	really good.
	So yeah, Give me a let me know.
	And we'll see what we can work out.
	Ryan's Mailbag 2 is a shitty version of GOML.
	Thought the show was going to be Ryan blasting through 700 letters, so you're caught up.
	Fuck him.
	He sucks.
	I'm considering raping his mother.
	Whoa.
	Yeah, I think you added that part.
	Nope.
	Well, I have access to them.
	So I'll look.
	At my own behest.
	Mine is different than yours.
	How?
	Just is.
	All right.
	That does happen sometimes.
	There's weird stuff that happens.
	Harry f ⁇ ing.
	Oops, am I supposed to say their names?
	Check out Jerry Cinnamon, a Scottish singer-songwriter who is a Scotsman I think you appreciate.
	Great singer who sings with a strong Glasgow accent.
	Check him out.
	Okay, fine.
	Let's check out Jerry Cinnamon, and that'll be it for letters because that was so boring.
	Jerry Cinnamon.
	Yeah.
	Also, Shank Younger is running for something.
	Nope, that's not there.
	You're right, Jerry.
	That's Jerry Cinnamon.
	Maybe the Swedes love Glasgow, don't they?
	Do some singing there, Jerry.
	Come on, Jenny.
	Come on, Jenny.
	Not a lot of black arms there.
	No, I see zero.
	It's a lot of pink clapping.
	It's like a no-doubt concert.
	That is a no-doubt rally.
	So all the fucking pale people, by the way.
	Why are they so pale?
	Why are they so white?
	This looks like a no-doubt concert.
	I'm a fat pig.
	That looks like a no-doubt.
	Bacon concert.
	Why is he always talking about bacon?
	Why are those crosses burning?
	All right.
	I have two final videos to end the show with.
	I know it's cleaner to do one, but sometimes I'm not clean.
	Sometimes I make a video game about raping Indians.
	God, what a cunt.
	First, he ruins the podcast, and then he writes a big article.
	Hi, I'm a smug nerd who ruined a podcast.
	Let's make this all about me and my identity politics.
	Look what I did.
	Yeah.
	Well, this was General Custer's Revenge.
	I remember when I was a kid, he was like, there's a game where you just go up and bang an Indian chick.
	Wait, we don't know if it's rape.
	I think she's tied to a thing, though.
	I don't see any ties.
	But her hands are behind her back.
	All right, a lot of guys want to fuck me.
	So how about this?
	If you can make it through a sea of arrows and get to me, then we'll fuck.
	Yeah, maybe.
	She's like, I'll be safe.
	And she is safe.
	My brother and all his friends are going to be shooting arrows from about 40 feet away.
	And if you can peg me, then you can have me.
	If they don't peg you, you can peg me.
	No, maybe you're right because she's totally safe.
	Yeah, she's like this.
	What do we got?
	Yep.
	No joking.
	I missed this on the last show.
	And it's a great example.
	See if you can find yesterday's notes.
	Lena, finding Lena or something.
	So when you're trying to pixelize an image, you obviously need an image to discuss.
	And one of the sort of base images they used was this centerfold from 1962.
	What's it called?
	So it's called Lena.
	And it was this 1962, I think, Playmate cover centerfold, right?
	And I don't know, it's got a nice mix of browns and hues, and skin tone is a very hard thing to do because it's easy to do a blue t-shirt, but to get the nuances of skin tone and image.
	So nerds who do tech with images have been using this as a good baseline.
	She's got a little butt, whatever.
	She's not like, there.
	And the feminists have shut it down.
	There's this whole movement.
	They've even found the Playboy model who is like 80 now.
	And she's like, let's retire this image.
	Oh, no.
	Lose Lena.
	Yeah.
	And I just thought this is such a great example of the joyless, humorless, shitty, joke-killing, sex-killing, color-killing culture of the left.
	It's communism.
	It's gray.
	It's macabre.
	It's sad.
	Add your voice.
	What does that say?
	Go back up.
	Add your voice.
	No, no, no.
	What do you mean, add my voice?
	Oh, whoa.
	When you move the cursor, it blurs her even more.
	There's a secret hidden in every snap.
	Wait, click add your voice.
	What am I supposed to do?
	You want me to protest, make the pledge?
	It's an ad-lib.
	What do you mean?
	Like, you have to put your name from city name, support not losing, not using Lena.
	So they don't want them using this picture anymore.
	Because you know what it does?
	It demeans women and the few women that are in these really techie fields feel ostracized.
	I can tell you, when I see someone use Groundskeeper Willie in a graphic to help them figure out colors, I am crushed as the only Scottish person in the room.
	Oh my God, there she is, Queen Killjoy.
	Just crazy.
	Lena's photo, cropped and scanned, quickly became the standard reference for computer scientists around the world.
	Being confronted with the Lena image made me very aware of being one of the only women in the room.
	When it goes up to the city, they're just ugly, jealous bitches.
	Nobody sees you as a woman.
	By the way, here's something crazy.
	Playboy and Penhouse, like Penhouse got a little raunchy, but back in the 60s, it was as beautiful as paintings in the museum and just as pornographic.
	Like I would want, I wouldn't, I never want any female relative of mine, my sister or my wife, to do porn, but 1962 Playboy, and my wife was like 20, I'd go, maybe, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	It's not demeaning.
	Look at this.
	Oh, that's a sad.
	Wait, is that from Glasgow?
	That's the Pieta, I think, right?
	No, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Oh, there's one sculpture at the Glasgow Art Museum of a man holding his daughter after his wife died and her mother died.
	It makes you cry to look at it.
	See if you can find that.
	Glasgow Museum Sculpture Father Daughter Porn Um Uh Oh, but Jesus Christ.
	No, no.
	Did you actually type no?
	I did not.
	Isn't that weird?
	Because everything that I'm looking at is.
	Glasgow Museum Sculpture Father Consoling Daughter.
	I got it.
	Why is there so much porn?
	I don't know.
	Okay, it's gotta be here somewhere.
	It's got to be there somewhere there, Paul.
	No, that's not there.
	Grieving, maybe?
	There it is.
	Nice.
	Nice.
	Kelvin Grove.
	I don't know, man.
	You read that plaque?
	Maybe I was just hungover, but that sculpture made me cry.
	Being hungover does make you a little makes you very sensitive.
	And getting old makes you sensitive.
	I was talking to the white hairs at my local bar about it, and we're like, we're fags.
	Like, talk to any man over 50, and you see a long-distance commercial, sobbing.
	Sobbing.
	He's a fag.
	Yeah, so go back to this idiotic crusade to get rid of a very tasteful picture of a beautiful young woman.
	Play that.
	Doesn't this just sum them up?
	There's a secret hidden in every snack.
	Click and share of your digital life.
	I thought that was me, but it's seven.
	This is Lenna.
	Miss November 1972.
	Or, as others have called her, Tex Original Sin.
	Back in the 70s, computer science.
	They're Puritans.
	Yeah.
	Tech's original sin.
	They're sexual Puritans.
	Now you can dress like a woman and read in front of children, but this.
	Yeah, you can be a drag queen who twerks in front of four-year-olds.
	That's not a sin.
	If you wear a butt plug in your boat while you're reading to children, that's your business.
	You can flash children your genitalia, your cock and balls while you wear a dress, but God forbid, we should have a picture of the top of a woman's butt crack.
	Your drag name could be Annie Christ or Lucy Fur, which are real.
	Yeah, Annie Christ, actual drag queen who reads to kids.
	We're not joking.
	We're trying to figure out how to turn physical photos into digital bits.
	To test their algorithms, they used Lena.
	How dare they?
	They probably did it with hatred too.
	They're like, look at this bitch.
	I'm going to use her colors.
	Yeah.
	Whore.
	Women are whores.
	Meant to be used color things.
	Yeah, that's why I chose it.
	We should have used a fat, ugly woman.
	When it goes up on the screen, it's like everyone laughs.
	Well, not everyone.
	Plus, the Lena image.
	Not everyone on this show.
	Dude, from now on, start time coding moments like that.
	Little raptures.
	Little microcosmic moments that sum up the big picture, the big problem.
	Like in, was it yesterday's show or the day before where that guy said, you don't always know what's best for your child.
	He said, the community in the school should raise your children, not you.
	And then this thing where she's like, not everyone laughed.
	What was the raising the children thing?
	We were talking about that.
	It was on Summit.news.
	I can find it, but he said, the community should raise your kids, not you.
	You don't always know what's best for your kids.
	And he was talking about your kids being trans and having a drag queen story hour.
	And if you're offended by that, well, you're stupid.
	I'll handle your kid.
	Thank you.
	I'll control it.
	Which goes back to Coach D at New Rochelle High School, who was fired because he called a drunk girl's mom, who was his brother's sister.
	Because family doesn't pull rank on your family now, the state, the nanny state.
	It's gone beyond nanny state.
	Now it's mommy state.
	Weird.
	The Lena image made me very aware of being one of the only women in the fuck off.
	What's bad about that?
	So let's retire one.
	Isn't that kind of empowering?
	Oh, positive.
	This is another trick they do where they go, we're just retiring one image.
	Like with the pronouns, I heard someone say, all you have to do when you get someone's pronouns is put it in your phone.
	So when you see Ryan, you know it's himself, herself, or Lando Calarisian.
	And it's a really easy way to remember.
	What, you can't just do that?
	It's just one image.
	This is because women got into tech about less than 10 years ago.
	And now they're like, I'm uncomfortable and I'm empowered.
	And they're like, this is, we're uncomfortable because you don't belong there.
	You ever consider that?
	Listen, I'm not going to be able to do anything.
	I wonder why this hideous old scrotum with earrings isn't into seeing beautiful, pulcritudinous women.
	I wonder why.
	I wonder why this sophomore in college who can't keep up with the rest of the class decided to outlin a lot of money to help make millions of women feel welcome.
	Millions?
	Really?
	It's time for gender diversity.
	Because your montage of women's faces is a documentary.
	I mean, that little teaser was already too much.
	But how do you go on and on and on about that?
	Do you have more of the documentary?
	What does that old bag say?
	This is not the old bag stuff.
	God, she was a fucking smokeshow.
	You were hot.
	She was crazy.
	She's still pretty good for whatever she is.
	And you won't wear any more spots.
	She was probably 20 and 72.
	She's 70 years old.
	She's looking great.
	Yeah.
	But her image was, it's cropped, so you don't see any nudity, and it's immortalized in the tech realm.
	And she never thought that she would live that long.
	And she had the paintings in the Louvre.
	Yeah.
	And now she doesn't get to have that anymore.
	No, well, she joined this silly game.
	It's like Margaret Atwood when they did The Handmaid's Tale.
	And she went, yeah, it's about Mike Pence.
	Wait, go back to that chick.
	The way I was treated was sort of like my ideas didn't matter.
	Maybe they sucked.
	Yeah.
	I'll tell you how the way you were treated.
	Of the 98% nerds in your class had a boner and were drooling and were so nervous that they shit their pants every time you looked at them.
	Or they were nagging you because they tease what they like, you know?
	Yeah, at best.
	Right.
	Yeah, yeah.
	They were petrified of you, my dear.
	They always drop nerds to walk in and go, hey, look at Tits over here.
	She thinks that she can work with tech.
	She's going to make a fucking pixelization over here.
	Nice try, Toots.
	Why don't you get me a coffee?
	Fucking bitch.
	I'm a nerd.
	They were shivering and stuttering, like, because they were making fun of my stutter, which I don't have.
	Nerds around hot chicks, it's like seeing these hate activists like Andy Campbell or Will Summer or Christopher Matthias.
	You see them around actual black people and then you just see them go, what up now?
	They're incels.
	They're racial incels.
	Go back to it.
	Is that if we don't address the gender gap, fewer and fewer women will have technology skills?
	Technology is changing our lives.
	It's got to do with the hot chick.
	Any other industry, Determining what we read, what we see, how we communicate.
	Young women need to be part of that.
	Everybody needs to be part of that.
	Again, they're speaking in gibberish.
	There's no concrete point here.
	I have an idea.
	What?
	I want to go do a man on the street thing and kind of ask people, you know, everybody's got a laptop and then ask women and men, what do they do with their laptop?
	Like, which programs do you usually write and they read?
	I think that's what I'm going to get from females.
	Maybe I'm wrong.
	And then from guys, I guarantee a lot of them will have the Adobe Suite or they edit videos.
	Okay.
	That you won't find a lot of females.
	I thought you were going to say, I'll show them the Lena picture and explain the context and say, should they stop using this picture?
	I should involve that as well.
	That's a much better plan than your weird.
	It's more on task.
	Keep it simple, stupid.
	Especially if you're stupid.
	Especially if you're simple.
	One image.
	Help Lena retire.
	So let's retire one image to help make millions of women feel welcome.
	There's really millions of women in Pixel technology.
	Yeah, can we get another woman to do the narrative?
	Let's get rid of one picture to make seven women feel less uptight.
	And they'll just jump to a new crusade and piss you off about that because they're like gnats.
	They're little fucking bitchy spiders.
	You know what's funny?
	This is their legacy.
	We did a whole website and we took that image down.
	And they'll be telling that you just made life that 1% less beautiful.
	Let's retire.
	They want to uglify the world so they're not ugly anymore.
	Feel welcome.
	Millions of women.
	Here's four.
	Feel welcome?
	Fuck off.
	Am I as pink in real life as I am in the monitors?
	By the way, for 70, my dear, you look fantastic.
	You should grow your hair longer, though.
	Bye, everybody.
	All right, that's the show, but I still want to show these videos.
	I think we saw one today of an elderly couple of color having a spat, and there's a scene at the end where she slaps him.
	And I think it's going to join the soundboard.
	These are some police officers.
	It looks like the early 90s trying to deal with a domestic.
	As long as y'all like beating each other up.
	Wait, pause, pause.
	Nudity warning.
	If there's kids in the room, there's some boobies coming up, and they're not as nice as Lena's.
	This is one image we should be getting rid of.
	Can we just use one police video and make a lot more people, millions of people, more comfortable?
	It's just her holding the picture, and you zoom out and your tits are hanging below it.
	You're like, oh my God, who funded this?
	Nobody else around here?
	Everything's going to be a little bit more.
	I'm going to ban sisters, name them.
	Well, that's your decision, man.
	You know what?
	Oh, hey, baby, come on.
	This is what it's going to take to say the word.
	Don't get mad here.
	He's fucking with me.
	Man, you want to put some clothes on?
	Pause.
	These guys know they're being filmed.
	They also are spreading this out because they realize how funny it is.
	So he's pretending to be serious, but they're both enjoying the fuck out of this.
	And there's nothing wrong with that.
	We're going to go there.
	Okay.
	No, no, no, no.
	I want you to hear them.
	I want you to hear, though, bro.
	Listen.
	You got to.
	She knows what she's saying.
	She knows what she's saying.
	She know what you're doing.
	Some having O'Lancaster.
	Some hammer Lancaster.
	Take that to share them.
	You can't keep hitting him, okay?
	If you hit him again, we're going to take you in jail.
	Don't hit him with the bad.
	See what I'm saying?
	Oh, I just hit my head.
	See, see what I'm saying?
	That's perfect.
	That's art.
	He's my spirit animal.
	Yes.
	Go back.
	This is what this show, if it wasn't called Get Off My Line, it would be called See What I'm Saying?
	See what I'm saying?
	That woman says, we need to remove this image for seven women.
	Losing.
	They want to lose some center fault?
	You see what I'm saying?
	Yeah.
	They're nuts.
	See what I'm saying?
	Go back.
	It gets cut too short.
	I got to have y'all here in order to keep them quiet a bit.
	Take that to share the money.
	That was the funniest slap I've ever heard.
	Keep them quiet a bit.
	Take that to share the money.
	You can't keep hitting him, okay?
	If you hit him again, don't hit him again.
	See what I'm saying?
	Does it cut right after saying?
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	It like fat.
	Well, it doesn't.
	Yeah, I need to breathe a bit.
	That's the same problem with spooky air.
	Yeah, it's gone.
	It's just done after that, frankly.
	Okay, so I've been talking a lot about, remember that college Republican where they took his All Lives Matter sign and he went, he starts rocking in his heels and goes, call the police.
	We're doing it.
	And I said, can we not have some humor in society, please?
	Can we not have some fun and some jokes?
	And when someone is acting like a lunatic, enjoy it.
	Like those two cops were enjoying their silly domestic and how funny that guy was.
	Enjoy it.
	So here is how to handle a dangerous, maniacal, mentally ill lunatic situation with a lady.
	There's a bit of a long intro here.
	Okay, you know what?
	I can call somebody right now.
	I can call Jesus.
	Oh, that's that spirit in you.
	Come on now.
	Restore.
	Mando Rebecusi e le dia.
	Get away from me.
	Get away from me.
	My father's already here.
	He's omnipotent.
	He's present.
	He's a present help in the time of trouble.
	You're distressed.
	I can call on Jesus.
	Wait, did she say so bad?
	I think she said, I can get someone to kick your ass, or she's about to say that?
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I can call on Jesus.
	I'm very, very close right now to getting someone who can kick your ass.
	I'm very, very, very can get somebody to kick your ass.
	How much can you?
	Very, very much.
	Your distress.
	I can call on.
	I'm very, very, very can get someone right now to kick your ass on Jesus.
	That's a good t-shirt.
	He answers prayer.
	He answers prayer.
	You go.
	You leave me alone.
	You're getting closer to me.
	Nice CD player boomer.
	Yeah, what the fuck?
	I hope it's got the jog proof.
	Maybe that's your stopwatch.
	You're by my car, sweetie.
	You're by my car.
	You gone.
	You gone and be great with your lavender.
	Go.
	That's the best line right there.
	With your lavender.
	Go.
	Back to where you came from.
	You're an asshole.
	And I believe.
	Go, sweetie.
	Get away.
	With your jerry beads.
	Go.
	What are jerry beads?
	I don't know.
	You're black.
	Go.
	Nobody's following you.
	You go.
	Go.
	You go and be great.
	You didn't have to.
	You didn't have to say.
	You didn't have to say anything to me.
	I wasn't even talking to you.

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