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Dec. 3, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:14:10
S02E94 - THIS SHOW SUCKS
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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
*music*
Did you fuck up?
No.
I heard the song twice.
No, no, that's in the song.
Oh, yeah.
That was Land of the Loops.
Who's that guy again?
Alan Sutherland.
He's a dude really popular in Seattle.
When I was sort of a young man and Vice was still in Montreal, that's the kind of music we listened to.
Samples.
And it would just be a guy on a sampler, like Alan Sutherland from Land of the Loops, just doom, doom, doom, badoon.
He had some, I think his wife would play the bass, and they would just loop samples, and that's all you listened to.
It was a really weird time.
You just, and you had, all the songs sound pretty darn similar.
And you just listen to these samples, and then some guy sitting with an 808 just looping beats, boom, boom, boom, badoon, badoon.
With little strange samples.
There he is.
Strange samples from movies.
Slabco was a record label.
You know who else was like that?
This guy my age, Suck Lord.
He did this album called Star Wars Break Beats.
That was, yeah, that's him.
He's that guy's so fucking New York.
It's insane.
He's still, he has a show out now where he's still obsessed with Star Wars.
And he sits and talks.
He's 49 years old.
And he makes Star Wars toys, bootleg Star Wars toys, and just talks on his YouTube channel about Star Wars and fucking...
I'll tell you what, The Last Great Jedi would...
That was The Last Great Jedi.
Ever since then, you know, it's been a fucking shit show.
Can you hear him?
2004.
I made 48 of them, and I have two left.
The rest of them are 2004.
I think there's a few floating around in a while, but I sold this for 20 bucks when it first came out.
And it took me about a year to get rid of all of them.
And the last one, No, he lives in Chinatown with his mom, I think.
You fucking believe that.
He's a great guy.
But Star Wars Breakbeats, I listen to it now and I go, how did I sit and listen to this fucking terrible album so much?
It's just like don't don't bounce down like disco music and then just Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're our only hope.
What's going on with my hair there?
Is there a swish?
Remember Jimmy Fallon?
He rubbed Donald Trump's hair and he was accused of humanizing him?
And they say that's why he was elected.
And instead of Jimmy Fallon just laughing that off, he was really messed up by it and took some time off to think about what he had done.
They had a big story about it in New York Magazine.
They have him sitting on top of the Radio City Music Hall sign like this.
Just thinking about everything he'd done.
All right, so that's two assignments that you're letting drift by.
Yeah, that's the incident.
He fails to take action after Donald Trump tells him to be a man.
Over here it does.
Wait, wait, go back.
My brain's not working great today.
Jimmy Fallon takes action after Donald Trump tells him to be a man.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, cool.
Trump came down.
Trump made fun of him for this.
Yeah.
He said, be a man, Jimmy.
Get over it, Jim.
Yeah, Jimmy.
You touching Trump's hair did not get him elected.
The Midwest got him elected.
Fallon choked up during a podcast last week talking about the criticism he received for tossling Mr. Trump's hair in September 2016.
You go, you go, all right, we get it.
I heard you.
You made me feel bad.
So now what?
Are you happy?
I'm depressed.
You want to push me more?
What do you want me to do?
I know.
I mean, you want me to kill myself?
What would make you happy?
Yeah.
Get over it.
Kill yourself.
Oh, my God.
Kill yourself for getting drunk.
Anyway, that's enough.
But find Star Wars breakbeats, because I want people to hear how shitty the music was in the late 90s.
Trials of a Jedi?
Any of them.
They're all the same.
The Force is with you, young Skywalker.
The Force is with you.
This looks like this for hours.
It's like the 90s was just background music.
I think it's because we were high.
We were on GHB and MDMA, and music was just like dancing around in the background while you made out with some lesbian.
Girl Talk, too.
That was pretty big.
No, Girl Talk's different.
They do mashups.
That's mashups.
That's more exciting.
In fact, if you're skiing or snowboarding or something, you're listening to music, I find mashups are pretty much the funnest thing to listen to.
They're pretty cool.
They're pretty dope.
Pretty dope.
It's not cool, but no one can hear that you're listening to a mashup of like EPMD and Mantronic or something.
Anyway, so that's enough music talk.
I'm kind of intimidated, by the way, because yesterday's show was so good that I know we can't match it.
So I would get your hopes low for this.
In fact, the best part of today's show is just going to be tying up loose ends from yesterday's show because this episode is going to be is well, see, it's already I'm stuttering.
It will pale in comparison to yesterday's masterclass.
But one thing I forgot to tell you, remember I told you I got kicked out of the house of Burgess?
Yeah.
By the way, my life's too interesting for the suburbs.
I keep telling people stories at my gym, I mean at my gym, at my local bar, and then none of them believe me.
They didn't believe me that I got kicked out of the house of Burgess.
They don't believe me about the kettlebell.
I had to show them a picture of my dick to show them the bruise.
I'm like, I'll give you $1,000 for every lie I tell.
Still, no, he's lying.
That's bullshit.
Isn't that weird?
All right.
Sorry, I'm so scintillating.
But here's a crazy thing.
At Colonial Williamsburg, there's a lot of black people because we're in the South.
Virginia considers itself the South.
Giant Confederate flag we saw off the highway that was as big as this studio.
And if you're black in 1612, you're a slave or a toad.
So the black people you see there are slaves.
They're owned by someone else.
So those are all just facts, right?
As far as the role-playing goes.
But the weird part is, I think some of them get into that zone a little bit and start acting like slaves.
Not the carriage driver we had.
The one who told me about his dumb dad who turned down 40 grand for a $25,000 car.
But like that woman who said, good day to you, and then curtsied away.
So when I got kicked out, there was a man, an old black man, a slave that was tending to the fires outside, keeping the fires burning.
And so I walk out and I go, I just got kicked out of there.
And he goes, oh, I see.
Trouble?
No, he didn't even say trouble.
He said, oh, that can't be good.
And I go, yeah, just got thrown out.
Now, if you're a normal person who's not a slave, you go, wait, what?
What happened?
What were you doing?
Holy shit, that's crazy.
I worked here for six years.
I've never heard of anyone getting kicked out of the courtroom before.
You're mental.
What's your name?
That would be the normal response.
But a slave response would just be, oh, that's something.
And then he goes to the supervisor and goes, yeah, we got a problem here.
Looks like someone didn't like the courtroom.
So you really did?
What are you doing?
This is Colonial Williamsburg.
Oh.
Okay.
No, it's not.
That's the visitor center at the hotel to get to the town of Colonial Williamsburg.
That's the hotel we stayed at.
Oh, nice.
Thanks for watching.
But he told us graphic.
Well, basically, he wasn't treating his job like a normal person.
He was being a snitch.
And it was funny because in the courtroom, this black woman came up and she was a slave owned by the guy on trial and she ratted him out.
So they're ratting people out left and right, left and right.
So then this woman comes up to me and she goes, I understand that you had a problem with our presentation.
And I said, no, it was funny.
It's comedy.
It was a good joke.
Everyone laughed.
And she goes, oh, okay.
You got to remember when you get out there into the wild, a lot of people aren't into comedy.
Yeah.
Some people don't have it at all in their lives.
Like at home, they watch TV.
They don't watch comedy.
They're just riffing doesn't exist to them.
It seems like a waste of time.
That's so weird to me.
Oh, here we go.
That's Colonial Williamsburg.
Yeah, I've had that before, too, where I just completely...
Oh, yeah, there was a guy at the edge of the bar at the cigar bar and he was like, I mean, you know, my team's doing so bad.
I'm going to commit Harikari.
And I said, sir, I'm very offended by that.
My dad died of Harikari.
And he just went.
I was like, I'll kill you right here and right now.
Yeah, no one's fallen on their sword in half a century.
It's called a fucking joke.
My God.
Jeez, Lily.
He'd even smile and be like, uh.
Also in yesterday's news, we were talking about that crazy chair, and our buddy Lars and some other viewers did the research and found us the chair.
It's a thing.
It's by an artist named Frank Gallo.
This is 1-2.
And there's one at the MoMA here in Midtown, New York.
You're up to 1-3, but we'll do it.
Has it got any pictures there?
There it is.
Hers was a little different, though, right?
I think hers was a black chair.
Well, I think that's just the contrast of the shot.
There it is.
What the fuck?
Someone bought that?
That's not a functioning chair, I would guess.
Well, would you want to sit on that?
No, that's uncomfortable.
I'd like to just sit on that and have a beer after a hard day's work.
Watch the news.
Get sciatica.
What a stupid bitch.
Who bought that?
Frank Gallo.
And the chick in the chair, to be frankly.
The chick in the chair is a stupid bitch, too.
To be frankly.
He's got weird tits.
There we go.
Let's see that.
How much is he going to do?
How much is it?
I don't know.
Why would they tell us?
A new medium for sculpture, reinforced plastics.
So weird.
Anyway.
And then there's drawings of it.
If you will.
And getting good at it, if you will.
Yeah, there's like an embossed little.
That's if you can't afford the chair.
We should get that.
Girl in a sling.
How much is that?
It's probably 40 bucks.
We should get that.
All right.
Let me see.
Also in the news, so that's done.
We're done talking about yesterday's show, right?
Yes.
Yes.
Let's catch up on some clown world stuff.
Joe Biden said the dumbest, weirdest thing about leg hairs and cockroaches.
He proved to America a couple days ago that he's not mentally fit to run a country.
He's not mentally fit to run his own campaign.
I don't think he's mentally fit to run down the block.
But someone managed to animate his crazy shit and make a little cartoon of it.
This is exactly what he said.
This is not someone doing a Joe Biden imitation.
And thank you to whoever was fast enough to animate this.
Nice work.
This is span.
I got hairy legs that turn that turn blonde in the sun.
And the kids used to come up and reach in the pool and rub my leg down so it was traded and then watched the hair come back up again.
They look at it.
So I learned about roaches.
I learned about kids jumping on my lap.
And I've loved kids jumping on my lap.
And by the way, I've learned about roaches?
Does he call kids cockroaches?
I think maybe there's a callback to an earlier thing.
Oh, thank you, Ryan.
But what was the earlier thing?
What could the earlier thing possibly be?
I would love context for that.
Like, someone was asking about roaches, and he goes, Oh, believe me, I know about cockroaches.
Kids used to play with my leg hair.
No, that's not a cockroach thing.
You don't know about cockroaches, clearly.
Water bugs?
Maybe he called his kids water bugs when they were playing in the pool, and then he got confused and said roaches.
The other weird thing about that, too, is when he was trying to think of the word blonde, when you look at the actual video, he's going like this with his hand.
He says, I had hairy legs, and in the summer, my leg hairs would.
He starts going like this with his thumb.
My leg hairs would go, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nam, blonde.
Okay, wait.
Oh, okay.
They're referring to the speech of the person who introduced him and had mentioned those things.
Roaches and leg hair.
I'm willing to take that and believe that that's true, but I like when kids jump on my lap.
That context does not help.
Yeah, I know.
That context does not help.
So they said, don't be scared of roaches or if kids jump on your lap.
And then he talks about kids jumping on his lap and then says, I know about roaches.
So I'm sorry, sir.
Your context does not help one iota.
We young folks that was trying to understand the movement of life.
Where's your teeth?
Took Joe by the hangout, took him over to Riverside.
I told Joe, have a seat.
I said, now, if a roach come on you, if you get a matinee jar with some Kool-Aid in it, if the kids come up with sit in your lap, just smile and say, everything gonna be all right.
Right, we know, we know.
We knew the context, Joe.
You're still nuts.
I like when kids jump on my lap.
There is no need for that.
I like when kids jump on my lap.
I love it.
I don't.
Yeah, what?
Not anymore.
Why would you like that?
I remember Bill Burr has a whole bit about that.
He's like, I used to like kids.
Let's say a little drunk guy.
Like little drunk people, you know?
And then he said, but now you're just like, get away from me.
You don't want to get accused of pedophilia.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, never be in a bathroom with just a kid, you know?
You know, my dad, we've been...
One, there's a place called Mama's Place on Mulberry Street in Little Italy.
I didn't do diddly in Little Italy before that.
And it's a really old-fashioned, it's just done like family servings.
They just serve you food and then you get a bill.
It's pretty fucking big.
But they have this stick that's stuck to the ceiling.
And when they pull on the stick, it looks like a cock and with balls.
And they pull on the stick and then the light bulb goes bing, bing, bing, bing.
And everyone goes, yay, penis, man.
And while we were sitting there, a cockroach crawled on his jacket.
Another time, totally different restaurant.
This is at Frank's on 3rd Avenue and like 4th Street.
Exact same story.
We're sitting there having our Noki cockroach crawls across his chest.
Unbelievable.
Isn't that fucking mental?
Yeah, yeah.
What are the odds?
It's never happened to me in any other environment in my life, anywhere in the world.
I've never seen, been in a restaurant and had a cockroach crawl on me or anyone I know.
Twice was my dad.
And at Italian restaurants.
Is it possible he's a fucking psycho that packs a roach with him when he goes out to get a discount?
Because we got a discount both times.
He usually feeds the roach, but he forgot that day.
And it's like, come on, dude, what the fuck?
Do I have to crawl up your blazer for this?
He's way too lazy for that.
Way too lazy for a pet roach.
That's a t-shirt.
I'm way too lazy for a pet roach.
Oh, shit.
We got a lot to talk about regarding racism today.
Today's a big race.
Lot of racist shit.
Lot of racist shit this year.
What was that gossip you were saying about Keith the cop over at Compound Media and Kevin Nealon?
Oh, yeah.
You know, Kevin Brennan.
Kevin Brennan.
Kevin Brennan, what the fuck?
Neil Brennan's brother.
Neil Brennan is the guy who wrote the Chappelle show, and he has an unsuccessful brother named Kevin, who I like, who's a total prick.
And he used to work with me at Compound Media.
Yeah.
But what's your interactions with him like?
Great.
I was on his show once because I don't like Neil Brennan.
Neil Brennan has a whole special about how he suffers from depression.
What?
You mean you were sad a couple times?
Fuck off.
Oh, yeah.
But that's his thing now.
And he talks like a cancer patient, like overcoming his illness.
So Kevin says, there's a lot of back and forth here, but I see the point.
And then Kevin Brennan, pretty much they're talking about compound stuff.
And then Kevin Brennan chimes in.
When I think wise business decisions, I think Keith the cop.
And so that's obviously a little slam.
And then he said, you should.
I didn't bring you back.
Oh, pretty good.
And then Kevin says, I don't blame Keith for being defensive after you ran compound meeting to the ground.
Now he expects OP to save the network after blah, blah, blah.
What's that gossip about?
Opie's going to come on?
They've always been talking about, I mean, Keith's always been like optimistic about making that, you know, happen.
You know, I was listening to Opie and Anthony the other day, and he really, it was a great combination.
He sucks.
He's a torpid sloth.
He's kind of a square, I guess.
He's a square.
He's not funny, but he's mashed potatoes.
And Anthony is steak.
And sometimes you get a lot of steak and you're just like, I'm kind of stuffed.
Sometimes you need bland mush.
The least flattering, flattering thing I've ever heard you say about.
To counteract.
To counteract the spice.
It's like rice.
It's like Robin Quivers.
Robin Quivers has never said anything funny once.
Absolutely.
In her entire life.
But I've listened to Stern Without Her there, and it just sort of goes off the rails.
He steers the ship.
I've heard Jimmy and Anthony shows, which sound like a dream come true, but there's just, you know, the producers have to actually chime in and start getting things going.
Opie had a total role.
And I think Opie allows Anthony to be more of a cocksucker.
So Anthony can really let his id out, if you will, getting id at it.
Getting good at id.
If you will.
Oh my God, this show's sucking so bad.
I don't know.
Well, another thing about OP too, it's like, you know how it's fun to mess around with your friends in class because it's kind of mischievous?
There's not that mischief when Opie's gone because he would actually get upset that he's not involved in the conversation.
And that kind of jealousy or just you guys are having too much fun, that's what makes it more funny.
Well, sometimes he sucked so bad that that was funny.
Like there was one episode of Opie and Anthony where they talked about abolishing sports.
I've talked about this a million times, but they said, let's just get rid of all sports and make it all one big sport.
And it'll take up Ohio.
And every athlete in the country is divided into two teams and they just have to get the ball to the other side.
Because New York and California.
And the stadium is all of Ohio.
Right, right.
So you watch, I guess, from other states as this army of thousands of people trying to take the ball and it's like one big game and they play it once a year or something like that.
Patrice O'Neal was certainly involved in that.
Oh, yes, he was.
Yeah, yeah.
And everyone's laughing their heads off.
And then OP says, but what about slavery?
See, that is funny.
What?
And then everyone just sort of stops and goes, wait, what?
And then they were all marveling at how he wrecked one of the funniest bits in the history of the show.
And I just thought, that's even good.
Yeah.
That he wrecked that.
Speaking of slavery.
Real quick, I think they actually, it sounds like they made up a little bit.
I don't care.
Fuck, Brian.
We're trying to sell salacious gossip here.
And you're like, oh, that exciting story I told you, it's all been worked out.
There's no conflict anymore.
No, it hasn't.
It was sarcastic.
Okay.
They did a sarcastic makeup.
I saw there's this new play out that everyone's talking about here in New York called Slave.
What is it called?
Slave story?
Slave play.
Hi, I'm a gay black guy, and I want to do a play.
What's the most catering, pandering, predictable thing I could do it on?
I know, what about slavery?
Okay, what should I call it?
Slavery play?
Slave play?
Okay, let's do slave play.
So it's a play.
This is 2-6.
It's a play about interracial couples who are not getting along very well.
Look at this guy.
Jeremy O'Harris.
What guy?
That's a guy.
Where?
Oh, the name Jeremy O'Harris.
Yeah, that's a guy's name.
No, that guy.
And they're just kissing his ass.
So I think the play is about eight interracial couples or four interracial couples, eight people who are having trouble with their sex life.
So they go to a sex counseling place, and the counselor suggests that they play slave in their sex, where the white people are the masters and the blacks are the slaves.
I mean, we should probably go see it.
Oh my God, yes.
But God, it's going to be like that.
Cat musical.
Like every frame is going to be torture.
But listen, look at him talk.
This is how tedious pop culture has become.
Seth Myers is so mashed potatoes.
Yeah, yeah.
Admiration for Rihanna.
You actually use a Rihanna song in your show.
Is this something that you had always thought you wanted, or was it after you actually saw it on its feet?
You were like, he introduced that as we both are totally obsessed with Rihanna.
Has Seth Myers ever said anything that you can remember?
Like, talk about background music.
He is just, he's just like a paper plate.
He's not funny.
He's just willing to participate.
He's there.
He's such a placeholder.
Yeah, yeah.
I opened for him once doing stand-up.
Really?
Yep.
He sucked?
Yes, he was terrible.
And it's New York City.
So people want like Coke and sex stories and threesomes and murder.
Like they want it to be raunchy.
And he just did this fucking, basically a Christian rock album.
I have a feeling he's one of those where he does a punchline that says, um, he's like, he's like, so that's my girlfriend.
Been thinking about his next joke, kicking the ground a little bit.
That's with this well.
Well, I mean, the thing was, so Rihanna is so a part of me.
Not to make this like person who's so not inside of my body, person that's inside of my body, but she lives inside of me.
Okay, gotcha.
Like she actually does.
So if we need her.
Yeah, if you need her, I can actually like summon her to the space now.
I mean, where do you think I got the jacket?
But the thing is, when the play came to me, it hit me like a bolt of lightning.
And the first thing that was playing in my mind was work.
And that's because, and this is kind of a spoiler, but like work is a song that played in my mind for three years straight.
So I decided that it should play in the mind of the lead characters for three years straight.
Gotcha.
It's great that you have it.
And then she came and saw the show.
She did.
And that must have been for you, as any creator of art.
When someone watching it, I zoned out.
I was thinking about all the songs I have stuck in my head for years.
I've had songs stuck in my head.
You know, I'll sing, Believe It or Not, I'm Walking on Air, just out of nowhere.
That's been in my since I was about 12.
I don't care.
Rayan, I don't care.
It's not something crazy.
It's okay.
He walks away physically.
So anyway, this is playing, and they have a Q ⁇ A at the end where Jeremy O'Toole, that's not it.
This is 2-8.
This woman gets up.
Look how snarky this writer is.
Brianna Sack.
This is how white women write about white women.
God, they're such bitches, aren't they?
Women hate women.
And they talk about how they get bullied online.
Yeah, by women.
We don't sit there and make fun of your purse.
We don't know what a bad purse is.
A white woman, she says with, no, go back.
Look at the disdain in that header.
A white woman interrupted a quote-unquote slave play Q ⁇ A to call its black playwright racist.
That's not what happened.
This white woman, who's likely a nut, got up and she just had enough.
And she said, I'm sick of always being seen as the horrible racist bitch.
I mean, I've had a rough life.
I had my kids taken away from me.
I've been bankrupt.
I'm an oppressed minority in that sense.
Why am I, though, the bad person in every movie, every play, everywhere I go?
Now, I don't know why you went to slave play not expecting to be shat on for an hour, but uh, yeah, the writing of that article has to be seen to be believed.
I don't want to hear that white people are the fucking playoffers.
Because you're talking about the white people right now.
Thank you.
Fucking having children taken away.
Can you hear that?
I'm not good enough to fucking raise them.
How the fuck am I not fucking martial arts?
Never this is God's name is God.
We haven't changed one.
I've never once said that you, as a white woman, are not a marginalized person, but if you heard that my flag, I don't know what to tell you.
Perhaps like read it or see it again.
And later on, he says, it's just eight people.
It's just a metaphor that represents this country today.
And then he said, so it's just about eight people.
And no, you said it's a metaphor.
A metaphor doesn't apply to just that thing.
The whole purpose of the word look, he just said it.
Yeah, he just kind of said.
It's a metaphor for our country.
It's only those eight white people on stage.
You don't get to have it both ways.
You can't say these people represent everyone and then just say, no, it's just eight people.
But yeah.
Speaking of broads, someone sent me this cartoon from this woman about, we all know the most damning piece of evidence against feminism is that women are less happy since it was invented.
And we rip them out of the kitchen and we put them into a cubicle where instead of keeping the appointments for their family, they're keeping the appointments for some stranger, some boss, some bald guy who probably wants to fuck them.
Are you happier?
No.
Your life sucks.
You were creating and shaping life.
You were creating a nest, a home for a family.
You were the leader of love.
You're the love boss when you're a housewife.
That's why Proud Boys say venerate the housewife.
And you took that away.
And what do you do?
You manage some fucking restaurant, social media.
Thanks for coming out.
And then they become busybodies and they start shitting on everyone.
Oh, we'll get to that in a second.
That's losing Lena.
But so this chick who cannot draw for shit, what's her name?
Aubrey Plaza or something?
Yeah, this is 3-3.
Yeah, this chick.
God, she sucks as an artist.
If you want to judge how good someone is at drawing, check out the hands.
What is that Klansman finger she's got poking in there?
Well, she got a pointy one just in case you need to.
Don't itch your eye with that one, lady?
No.
She's got a big fat, uncircumcised penis for another one.
Yeah.
And you can also, you can tell she just hammered out this comic when you'll see the other pictures.
But anyway, what's her name?
Her name is Aubrey Hirsch.
Aubrey Hirsch.
Women are increasingly unhappy.
This comic explains why.
All right.
Because they can't draw.
Drawing is hard.
That's why they're unhappy.
They don't feel satisfied by their shit.
Look how shitty that is.
Like, look at their mouths.
And it gets worse.
So American women have made incredible progress since 1970.
You can go through it.
And so it just starts out speaking truth to power, but explaining our point, which is everything's getting better for them.
You got more educated.
You got what you asked for.
And what happens?
You're fucking miserable.
You don't have to go through it this slowly.
And there they are.
Their satisfaction has gone down.
So this is what I always say, too, about the left.
They get fucked over when they find data that contradicts their beliefs and they become more steadfast in those beliefs.
So unlike scientists, they start on a path.
And then when the data says, no, that's not what happened, they just go, yes, it is.
So her mental gymnastics in this are that, yes, we are less happy since feminism and since working in the workforce, but it's because we still have to do chores.
Okay, just a little break here.
I like how she's pushing diversity, and then she ends up making black men look lazy.
Yeah, this is women's equality.
But look how bad.
No, go back to that panel.
Look how bad she is at drawing feet.
Oh, geez.
That woman's right foot.
And then look at his left leg.
Like his hip goes all the way up to his tits.
Oh, yeah.
And his leg is actually protruding from his.
So she's, her contention is, yeah, we're unhappy, but it's because you make us still fold laundry.
Yeah.
No, lady, that's not why you're unhappy.
You're unhappy because you're a wizard.
You're Superman.
And we said, hey, Superman, don't fly.
Don't save any more lives.
I just want you to be Clark Kent.
Wait, look at this one.
It's especially now harder because we see what we're missing.
Go back to the, especially now that we're finally close enough to see what we're missing.
So before they didn't know how awesome it was to be a man.
Let me explain to you what it is to run a company as a CEO.
It fucking sucks.
It's really, really hard.
You're going through expense reports.
You're going through Excel spreadsheets.
You're looking at all of this data all day long.
Men like it because we have testosterone and testosterone is a concentration drug and we like going through numbers and trying to make things better for everyone and trying to generate more profits.
That's a fun little video game to us.
But women don't like it.
And now that you're in our shoes, I think they think that we just had these madmen lunches with bourbon at a strip club.
No, we eat at our desk.
We're working our fucking asses off.
And it's not fun.
And more importantly, you're not genetically predisposed to do it.
You're genetically predisposed to love.
And we took that away.
Superman can't fly.
When Superman is only Clark Kent, Superman is miserable.
And that's what they're learning.
Anyway, side note: I was looking up that woman, and she's a really tedious Midwestern feminist, terrible artist who, just like that gay black guy who did the slave play, people just pander to because of affirmative action and the lack of meritocracy in our society.
And I saw she was on some panel with a bunch of ugly fat lesbian cartoonists.
And this is not really anything to do with what I'm talking about.
This is more about the jargon of academia.
I only check in on academics, academia, like once every five years.
And every time I do, I just come out going, what the fuck did I just see?
So this is a panel that that cartoonist was on.
And that fat woman, look at her fucking arms.
Wait, which one is it?
The one in the middle?
That's not her.
No, she's sitting on that same couch on the other end.
You'll see her in a second.
But yeah, those are all like cartoonists and poets and blah, blah, blah.
And they're all speaking in this crazy jargon.
And I just wanted to parse it for a second.
So this is a question Aubrey gets asked at Yale.
Yale.
This is supposed to be one of our finest education institutions.
Educational institutions?
Shit, I can't speak.
I told you this show was going to bite.
But let's try to understand what the fuck this professor is saying.
Turn it up.
Yeah.
And certainly none of your stories, any of you on this stage, are oversimplified or innocent or, right?
This is what makes you all so wonderful here.
That's her.
Your capacity to tell this more complex story.
Okay, that's fine.
We're now speaking English.
None of your stories are oversimplified.
I don't think that's necessarily true, but at least it's in English.
And you guys are complex storytellers.
Okay, you're kissing their ass.
It's probably not true, but whatever.
At least it's English.
Now this is where it goes haywire.
About, I'm sort of going back to my question about who you're writing for, right?
Because to the extent that the sort of first pass of that was about writing for your earlier selves.
Pause.
All English so far.
Yeah.
Your first draft, your first pass of storytelling was referring to your earlier self.
You were writing, going through the baggage you had when you were a teenager.
You probably did a bunch of autobio stuff about adolescence.
Fine.
We're still speaking English.
I'm still on board with Yale.
This feels to me like part of that is being able to hold out for those selves or the sort of permutations of those selves that are out in the world.
Pause.
The notion that...
So now you're saying you're using other people's stories in your story, I guess is what she's getting at.
But we're slowly losing the English now.
Now we're fading into psychotic jargon that no one in the real world uses.
These poor academics must get out in the real world and say, so boss, are we going to be focusing on intersectionality?
Are those two things going to have a dialogue?
What?
They're a different fucking race.
In order to have this count, you don't have to have been fully innocent.
And as I say that, I don't mean to say that the complexity always has to be there, right?
Because the flip side is as soon as you give up on the innocence, then, well, it must have been all your fault or, you know, you must have deserved it.
So keeping that balance just seems so critical.
Tied into that balance, I think, is the, you were speaking about this a few minutes ago, the need to move between the individual, the specificity of the individual story.
Pause.
The specificity.
The need to move from the individual specificity of that story.
What the fuck does that mean?
The need to move from the individual specificity of that story.
Because you're writing about yourself biographically.
Shut up, Ryan.
This is way over your head.
I'm a genius and I'm barely hanging on.
Because you have to relate to other people, so you have to lose the autobiographical specificity to the individual, which is you, the writer.
Go back, Acantair.
Get into that balance, I think, is the...
The patterns of power and privilege and oppression.
She's really just talking about how to crowbar social justice bullshit into every fucking story you tell.
Like slave play.
Go ahead.
That the histories, the very particular histories that you're tapping into, that give those individual specificities their meaning.
Okay, that give those individual specificities meaning.
Okay, I get it now.
So the individual specificities is like when I had my first period when I was 13.
And then you're crowbarring in sexism and intersectionality and all the bullshit fucking agenda shit you have to do and tying it to that individual specificity.
Specificity?
I've never heard anyone say the word specificity in my fucking life.
Never.
I only know what it means because I can guess.
But no one says specificity.
Specificity?
Specificity.
Specificity.
Specificity of ourselves.
She's just trying to sound smart because she's in over her head.
This is what they do.
This is like astrology.
Women feel overwhelmed by science, so they make up a fake science with Aquarius and Libra, and then they become an expert on that stupid bullshit.
It's like card reading.
Which fucking Milo does.
Yeah, he does.
Go ahead.
And at the same time, those very patterns are so often about the erasure of specificity.
Pause.
Those very patterns are about the erasure.
Why is she...
You mean about erasing specific details?
Like, why don't they fucking speak English?
That's weird.
Erasure of specificity.
I remember one time I took this class in college, the Philosophy of science, which was a stupid move on my part.
And the guy would speak in this jargon.
And one day I said, You know what?
I'm not letting one thing go by that I don't understand.
And it was exactly the same as this.
And he would just say, All right, so before we focus on the erasure of specificity, I was like, What does that mean?
What do you mean by specificity?
And my arm, I was like Hitler, Ziegheiling to the ceiling.
And eventually he just told me, look, we have to get through this class.
I'm not answering a question every 30 seconds.
And I didn't have the courage back then, but I just should have said, well, then speak in English.
You're not making any sense.
You're speaking in a made-up language.
It's like when lawyers, you ever get a contract from a lawyer and you go, this is taking too long.
Give me that contract.
I'll answer this.
And then you start reading it and you go, I don't understand any of this.
The divisive exclusionary system of the elaborate.
Okay, go back.
They get those things in those individual specificities, their meaning.
And at the same time, those very patterns are so often about the erasure of specificity.
So once you try to get those things in dialogue with each other.
Pause.
And once you want to try to get these things in dialogue with each other, imagine if you're at a meeting in the real world and you say, hey guys, so we're going to talk about HR, human relations here, human resources, sorry, and also, you know, productivity and sort of getting these two things to have a dialogue with each other.
People would laugh.
You definitely, one person in the boardroom would go, what?
Oh, I want them to have two things to have a dialogue with each other.
Things don't speak.
Well, it's good that at least they all speak this language, and that's not going to trip any of these guys up because it's like that's how they speak.
Oh, it trips up Aubrey, all right?
Oh, no, I couldn't imagine so.
Curious about that, if you could talk about how you are, from all of your really different angles, weighing these broader circulating dynamics without ever having that lose sight of the person, the actual whole human person at the same time.
Broader dynamics?
That one was bad.
That question, by the way, is...
Yeah, yeah.
You're doing autobio stuff.
It's very specific to your life.
And I'm sure initially you get all your yeahs out talking about how hard adolescence was.
But then eventually you want to start having bigger themes.
And how do you retain your sort of your style, your individuality when you're talking about sexism and racism and all that stuff?
And then also losing your innocence in there and then trying to pertain to other people, but not trying to follow the patterns too much and then keep the individuality.
Okay, Ryan, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
No, I get it.
Just join them.
Okay, go ahead, lady.
Go, Aubrey.
Yeah, that's an interesting question.
You know, just pause.
They don't understand each other.
That's the craziest part.
So one person speaks in gobbledygook gibberish for five minutes, that seemed like.
And then the other person goes, how am I going to answer that?
I know.
I'll just start talking my own version of gibberish.
And it's almost like jazz musicians just going, no one's moving forward.
If I was a teacher and this was all written out, I would just be like, superfluous, superfluous.
This whole paragraph can go.
This is extraneous.
Nope, nope.
It's so inefficient.
Go, Aubrey.
And by the way, while you're up there, can you explain to us why women are less happy since feminism?
Why are they all looking to her, by the way, too?
Because they're like, thank God I didn't get it.
Yeah.
They're like, thank God I did not get asked that question.
Of course.
Because I didn't understand it.
Yeah, it's an interesting question.
You know, how you kind of add in research to your piece to give it that kind of universal feeling or to tap into what's going on.
You know, some of my writing, a lot of my writing has to do with medicine and trauma or science and trauma in some way, like memories.
What a fucking loser.
She doesn't seem that bad, this Aubrey.
What do you mean doesn't seem that bad?
I'm not saying she's Satan.
She's talentless and has nothing to say.
Absolutely.
But I like how she doesn't fit in with these weirdos.
She's like, yeah, I...
Yeah.
She laughed because it was that ridiculous and looked at somebody else like, do you believe this fucking shit?
By the way, speaking of fucking Clown World, this is some Rando Calarisian 1.6.
Billy D. Williams opened up about his gender identity in a new Esquire interview, telling the publication's culture editor Matt Miller, I say himself and herself because I also see myself as feminine as well as masculine.
I'm a very soft person and I'm not afraid to show that side.
This means he gets butt-fucked by a chick with a strap on.
That's what I'm getting.
I get entered.
After Miller pointed out that Donald Glover talked about that type of gender fluidity when portraying young Lando in 2018's solo, Williams responds, really?
That kid is brilliant.
So now Rando will Lando Calarisien's a fag.
That's basically what we're getting.
Oh, he seemed pretty cool.
Oh, here's another one.
These kingsters take the drama and spandex of superheroes to the next level.
What is this now?
What is this?
Them.
It's them.
So it's pornographic.
Gays just have too much time on their hands.
They're really living on the high.
They're always photographing themselves, too.
They're really into almost more than girls.
All right, let's go into racism bender.
So if you recall, back when our proud boys were sent to prison for four years, De Blasio said, this is 2-2, hate is never welcome in NYC.
And then 2-3, de Blasio chimed in, hate cannot and will not be tolerated in New York.
And right?
So hate is, the mayor and the governor have had enough of hate in their city.
Yet, totally silent, 2-1, when actress Jennifer Agassini, 43, a swimsuit model, what was it?
So She ran up a $1,000 tab at a Midtown Lounge Skyroom for their friend's birthday before leaving on 3 a.m.
Sunday papers filed, blah, blah, blah.
But on their way out of the West 40th Street, they got jumped and beaten to the ground by a group of 10 to 15 people who were young people.
Black people.
You notice when that woman stood up at the slave play, everyone says white woman.
A white woman got up and called the play guy racist, the playwright.
But when it's black people, they just say people.
10 to 15 people who were yelling white motherfuckers, dirty white bitches, fuck those white bitches and their money, the court papers say.
It was just this stampede as we were leaving.
We just got rushed and assaulted by, I can't tell you how many people.
So Agostini, this woman, has to sue the restaurant because the police aren't going to do anything about it.
Because the police are at the behest of de Blasio and Cuomo.
And de Blasio and Cuomo don't want that narrative.
The narrative they want is evil Nazis running the streets and hate won't be tolerated.
When it's black people beating the shit out of white people, they totally fucking ignore it.
And as a New Yorker who travels the subways, I hear mentally ill homeless people railing about white people every fucking day.
And they're saying things that would totally scandalize any white person if they ever did the reverse.
And then we also had in Queens, Cuomo and de Blasio were totally silent about, this is 2-0, a hateful vandal scrawled, fuck white people in front of a Queens home and deface nearby trees fences with profane messages.
That story will die on the line.
Conversely, in Brooklyn, a couple years ago, some moron did a shitty swastika backwards and said Trump on a slide with a marker.
There was an entire ceremony.
500 people got together, including Muslim clerics and rabbis, to talk about hate and how it has no home here.
Stop it.
Fucking the dude who...
Buggin'.
Buggin, yeah.
The dude who invented email, whose name I can never remember, he's a great guy, Ivandi.
Hey, immigrants.
When you come here, change your name to Mike.
Shiva.
Shiva.
Yeah.
Ayudari.
Ayadurari.
Shiva Ayudari.
Or known to his friends as Mike Ayudari.
Great guy.
We've had him on the show many times.
He had a free speech rally that some Proud Boys were going to be at.
I think there was about eight people speaking and maybe 14 people showed up.
10,000 Bostoners took to the streets to say, hate has no home here.
What?
Protesting an Indian guy who was for free speech, you fucking losers?
Or how about the rally in Philadelphia?
Yeah, that was it.
No to Monsanto.
Black lives do matter.
Those people had 10,000 people protesting them.
How fucking retarded?
Or again, in Philly, there was a rally, and it was just like a bunch of patriotic boomers.
And the entire city had a complete fucking meltdown.
At one point, Antifa jumped two Mexican Marines, calling them wetbacks, because they thought they were proud boys.
And the rumor became that it was a celebration of not the Constitution, but the synagogue shooting.
What?
I got to write all these down in a book.
And then the Jewish Museum, they said it was going to be held in front of the Jewish Museum.
Really?
How'd they get a permit to celebrate a synagogue shooting in front of a Jewish museum?
And the Jewish Museum in Philadelphia said, we're open today.
We're standing up for ourselves.
Look, that's fights breaking out based on a fucking myth.
Or there was the guy, the chick in Oakland who was killed by a mental patient, a career criminal, stabbed some 13-year-old black chick to death, and it became Proud Boys did it.
And then they were going to a bar to celebrate the murder.
Oh, yeah.
And so they beat the living shit out of some guy just because he's wearing a USA shirt.
And they assumed he was one of them.
They thought they were celebrating the murder.
The worst, deadliest, spookiest gangs in the world don't go to bars to celebrate murders of random teenagers.
Like Nazis wouldn't do that in 1943, you fucking losers.
Anyway, yeah, Max and John in jail for four years.
Look at 2-4.
De Blasio and Cuomo, to push this narrative of we have a horrible racist culture and all these black men are in jail.
This is 2-4.
They're going to release 125,000 criminals.
Now, I'm kind of for that because I hate the idea that there's all these people in jail for selling drugs and stuff.
But it's arbitrary in the sense that patriots are not included in this.
So those two men are responsible for putting two patriots in prison for four years, yet they're happy to release 125,000 accused criminals and reward them with Mets tickets, which is kind of insulting to me.
What?
Yeah, they're giving them Mets tickets.
Holy shit.
Look, they got a whole list there of the shit they get, right?
List of crimes where suspects will be freed from prison before trial includes second-degree manslaughter, aggravated.
Promoting an obscene sexual performance by a child.
I don't want that guy out.
Possessing an obscene sexual performance by a child?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We want only drug war shit.
Failure to register as a sex offender.
Making terroristic threats.
Criminally negligent homicide.
Aggravated vehicular homicide.
Aggravated vehicular homicide.
That's pretty fucking bad.
That's pretty bad.
Wow.
And then the list of bail.
Well, they're imposing bail.
Yeah.
Jeesh.
But so there was these banners that went up around town.
We told you about this.
And it said Smiling in the Face of Tyranny.
And it had Max Hare's face on it.
And Cuomo, that pissed off Cuomo a lot.
And he called the prison and made Max, I think it's called a CNC prisoner, which is like a criminally something case.
He personally did that?
Yeah.
And now, John Kinsman, who wasn't on the banners, is treated normal.
But Max gets abused by this probation officer who calls him a Nazi now, just out of the blue since the banners.
And he's basically Hannibal Lecter when he travels.
Like he has to travel alone in a Kevlar vest.
He'll have a procession on the road with him.
He won't go in like the school bus that they all go in.
He'll be treated like Hannibal Lecter.
And he's going to serve his sentence in a maximum security prison now.
Max.
John won't.
Same crime.
But the optics, Cuomo doesn't like being called Frito.
And you know what else is funny about that?
Another one of the banners criticized this rabbi who had raped an eight-year-old many, many times.
And his sentence was going to be 10 to 35 years.
The judge who gave Proud Boys four years gave this guy, Leibowitz, three months.
He gave him a year, but he had already served nine months.
So 10, 11, 12.
Just three more months and you're good to go for raping children.
And you know what's a trip?
Alan Dershowitz was his legal team.
This is 1-9.
Mr. Leibowitz, who was represented by Arthur L. Adala at his trial, was convicted in 2010 of 8 out of 10 counts of molesting.
Molestating?
I never heard that word before.
He was sentenced to 10.5 to 32 years in prison.
But his legal team, by then bolstered by the addition of Professor Alan M. Dershowitz of Harvard Law School, persuaded the authorities to place him under house arrest pending his appeal.
So anyway, one of the banners was of this Leibowitz guy, and it said, Patriot, no.
And then pedophile, check.
And it had a picture of Mark Dwyer, the judge, who screwed Proud Boys and was kind to this pedophile.
And Antifa decided that that particular banner was anti-Semitic because it featured someone wearing a yarmulke, and it enforced bizarre conspiracy theories.
This is 1.7.
No, this is sorry, 1.8.
It enforced anti-Semitic conspiracy theories.
What?
So they steal this flag and then they burn it.
So Antifa is featured here burning a flag that blasphemes their precious pedophiles.
How fucking retarded.
This is like when we did the Sharia rally and they were all there protesting it, defending Sharia, where women are second-class citizens.
You had these feminists going, leave Sharia alone.
We love Sharia.
Is that not playing?
Nope.
Why not?
I don't know, frankly.
I'm going to open it up in a different browse.
Are you in Brave?
Yeah.
Is Brave letting us down?
I hope not.
It's been really good so far.
I hope it's not a doad.
I hope not.
Mark Norman would hate that.
I'd be like, that sucks.
Let's see.
I think it's just a toad.
Oh, come on.
Was it working on yours?
I only saw it on my phone.
This is being such a toad.
And they're all posing for pictures with it.
Like, burn one of the other banners.
Like, there was another banner they put up that said never surrender or something.
If you burn that one, that's a good message as far as your side goes.
Hey, they said they never surrender.
Oh, yeah, they're going to surrender alright.
Here we are burning their ship.
That's a good move.
That's not a toad.
That's not a toad.
Oh, man.
Um.
Hold on a second.
I'm going to play it on my phone.
And then you can be a toad.
I don't know how to be a toad.
I'm getting hot.
Now this is updating.
God damn it, technology!
I'm not going to let you win, though.
All right, well, we'll...
God damn it.
Now my whole thing's frozen.
Oh, I saw this was an interesting story about immigration, and it'll lead us into the mailbag.
You know the Yazidis?
There are these women who were tortured by ISIS and raped regularly.
And I don't recommend you looking this up if you don't have a strong stomach.
The plight of the Yazidis in the Middle East and the way they were beaten and tortured.
Raped to death.
Regularly raped to death.
Hundreds of them.
An entire race of people kidnapped, abused, and beaten and treated as sex slaves.
So that's, and they're Christians, by the way.
That's why they're abused.
So shouldn't that be our priority as a nation to take in Christian refugees?
The Coptic Christians are being slaughtered all over Egypt.
They will assimilate better than Muslims or any other culture.
And the left hates that kind of talk.
You know what they phrase that?
They frame that as, I only want to help people that think like me.
Okay.
You can use that shitty terminology if you want.
Yeah.
I have to choose.
I have to have some sort of metrics.
I got two people here.
One of them has a convert or die mentality.
The other has a Christian mentality.
This nation was built by Christianity, as Buchanan makes very clear in Death of the West.
I think I'm going to go with that one.
Sophie's choice.
So anyway, this woman is taken in by Germany.
Thank you, Germany.
Nice priorities.
But they also took in her captor.
Oh, my God.
And then he finds her.
No.
He tracks her down and he goes, I'm going to keep raping you, bitch.
What?
The ISIS militant who bought her went on to beat and sexually abuse her several times a day.
Hamid later encountered her captor On the streets of Stuttgart, Germany, during which he threatened her again, saying he knew where she lived.
Despite informing German authorities, she was told there was nothing they could do because he had been registered as a refugee like her.
This goes back to Cuomo and de Blasio with their hate has no home here unless it's fuck white people or white motherfuckers, dirty white bitches, fuck those white bitches and their money.
That hate has a home here in New York and it will be tolerated.
And as far as sexism goes, we don't tolerate it in Germany unless, of course, it's an ISIS militant, in which case, come on in.
And by the way, feel free to abuse your sex slaves.
We brought those with you to make you feel more at home.
When we moved to England.
When we moved to, sorry, Canada from England, my mom packed a huge crate with all my stuffed animals and toys.
So my room in the new country would look like my room back at home.
That's what we do to ISIS militants.
We pack them a nice crate of sex slaves.
Which takes us to the mailbag.
Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Hey, Gavin.
So I was at my local bar the other night and started talking to a guy next to me.
A few beers into our conversation, the subject turned to illegal immigration, and the guy turned out to be a staunch liberal when it came to this issue.
I tried to red pill him by using your typical points of how illegal immigration only helps rich whites and separates families, but he quickly shot back with something like, I get it, it sucks, but what's your alternative?
Pausing the letter.
The alternative is strict borders, just like everyone else.
How about we have borders that are as strong as Mexico's?
Mexico, every country has lessers, poorer people trying to get in, and Mexico rounds them up in a bus and kicks them the fuck out.
The vast majority of these people, when they don't come here, is they starve to death.
They die of diseases.
Their children get sold into sex slavery and sweatshops.
So child separation in either scenario.
Or they're here because of some gangs and drug cartels that threaten to kill or rape their children if they don't travel to America to make a certain amount of money to send back.
This was his first own on me.
First of all, by the way, this guy's name is Alejandro.
Alejandro, I don't believe you.
I think this story is a fucking lie.
And what you're trying to do is Trojan horse some arguments at me by pretending that you were owned at a bar by you.
So he wants to give me some gotchas, but he wants to also throw in that, Gavin, I tried to use your tools and I was betrayed and I failed.
So he's trying to be a backhanded, worthy warrior.
Right.
I'm one of you, but I was just slain.
Yeah, a worthy adversary.
How dare you?
So the message here from this guy is really the death of math.
And I want to talk about this in another show.
I'm going to have to do some research, but I saw this tweet by Rob Delaney where he said the top eight billionaires in the country own more money than half the world, and we need their money to make the Green Deal work.
I haven't done the math yet, but I guarantee you the Green Deal is going to be like $1.7 trillion.
And when I add up the money from all these eight billionaires, I bet it won't take a bite out of the cost of the Green New Deal.
And now all those billionaires are broke, and we've lost all of those jobs, all of that income.
So that'll be a fun project I'm working on later tonight.
But the argument here for the first own is that these people have no choice but to come here.
And if they stay, they'll be raped.
So they have to come here and send money back.
So now America is at the behest of El Chapo.
And we do what he says.
No, you don't negotiate with terrorists.
Because in your scenario, we are rewarding these cartels.
So the cartels say, go up there and send money back, or I'm going to kill you.
So we go, okay, okay, and take them in.
The other problem with this kind of thinking, too, is, and politicians do this all the time.
They kind of brainwash us to think the same way because they only have one term, like a four-year term.
So they think in four years and they get their glory and then they're out.
There's a thing called the future.
So we take in all these women and all these people who are being threatened by the cartels.
And then you think the problem goes away?
No, you just created an industry called we take in whoever the cartels send us.
You've rewarded them.
It's the same with immigration.
It's the same with the projects that Robert Moses built that fucking Ryan grew up in.
When you build projects, Robert Moses' mentality was, look, we have all these poor people, let's give them affordable housing.
So he built tons of projects all over the city.
And yes, for an afternoon, the poor had a place to live.
Then the poor made more poor.
And then those people didn't have a place to live.
So you had to build more projects.
You keep rewarding things.
Like you say, there's all these bunnies are breeding like crazy.
Let's give them their own room in the house.
Okay, now those bunnies are overflowing.
Now they want two rooms.
You just gave the bunnies a fuck pen.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
There's, what, 7 billion of us?
Two-thirds of the world would love to come here.
We don't have the room for 5 billion people.
Yes, there's poor people.
Yeah, we already take in more refugees, more immigrants than all other countries combined.
So to say they die if we don't take them in is myopic.
And the fact that this owned you shows that you don't have a high enough IQ to argue in bars.
You ugly.
He also said, it's funny I claim to care about the separation of non-white children from their parents, but yet I support the U.S. military, which has separated millions of soldiers from their children for decades in order to participate in oil-led interventionist wars of rich white people that has led to the death of millions of non-white families in the Middle East.
Your theory is 100% correct.
This is a sneaking the Trojan horse thing.
I wasn't with it before.
I thought maybe you were, he had a hunch.
Yeah.
That confirms it.
Yeah.
Well, you can tell by how toady, by how articulate his opponent is.
Yes, war sucks.
I don't advocate war in the Middle East.
And to say you can't be for closed borders, but you can be for war, I'm sure there are people like that.
We've always had wars.
This has always been going on.
So I'm not one of these people, but I understand there is a mentality for being pro-interventionist war and anti-immigration.
That's fine.
It's not my mentality.
I don't like those wars.
I think they're fucking stupid.
But I had a big debate with John Bolton once, and his contention was, look, if we pull out of all of these places, we're seen as weak, and that hurts the dollar, and the dollar then plummets.
That sounded like he knew what he was talking about.
It sounds like globalism to me.
Oh, there we are.
But I understand it.
So what you should have said for the second own was, I don't want those wars in the Middle East.
I want all our troops to come home.
That was the second time I was owned, he says.
The final own he got on me was when I talked about how illegal immigration incentivized sex trafficking and rape on the border.
And he said something like, if that's a problem, why don't you support expanding who can come here so those women would come here without having to go through rape channels?
And if I really cared about women being raped, why would I support deporting ones already here back to countries where they would be raped and sex trafficked?
Because we don't have room.
And also rapists can get here just as easy as a rape victim.
And Mexican culture is different than our culture.
The age of consent in Mexico is 12.
So it's not my job to fix that backwards country.
It's not my job to fix a country where rape isn't really frowned upon.
I mean, the women who come here, they take birth control before they're shipped over the border because they know they're going to get raped and they don't want to get pregnant.
It's more like, oh, well, got to get raped.
Part of the deal.
Imagine us getting on a flight knowing that we're going to get raped at the gate.
I wouldn't like that.
After immigration.
So your friend's mentality, your fictional friend's mentality, by the way, that if we just take them in, the rape will stop, is remarkably naive.
It implies that time is stagnant and populations don't increase.
As soon as we take them in, we are rewarding the rapists.
We are rewarding the cartels.
As soon as we say, okay, come in here and send those cartels money.
I remember this one chick saying to me, if we close the borders, they're going to be really mad at us and that will make them hurt us.
Okay, sorry, sorry, come on in, Colombians.
I don't want to piss you off.
I'm not the fucking world's bitch.
Because as I said in Death of Kuhl, today's bitch is tomorrow's dead man.
What fucker said that?
So if you act like a bitch as a country, then you get pushed around more.
It's like prison.
The secret to prison is when someone walks by your cell and it's looking at your commissary, you go, what?
Are you okay?
You got a problem here?
Is there an issue?
I noticed you're looking at my jujubes.
You don't have your own fucking candy?
And then that's stifled.
Shout out to the bartender who told me that story.
That's how you have to act as a country.
What's going on here?
No, oh, you want to come across the border?
The cartels?
No, no, no, we're not doing that.
Like, I'm not solving Mexico's fucking problems.
We have our own problems.
We have our own cartels.
You ever been to the south side of Chicago?
You ever been to Baltimore?
They're fucking shitholes.
St. Louis, the gang warfare in St. Louis, 19 black men are murdered a day in gang warfare.
We got our own fucking problems.
I'm not taking in every other gangster's whim around the goddamn world.
So, you're stupid for being owned.
Finally, he even brought up stories about illegal Guatemalan women he read about who are terrified of being deported by Trump because of the rape crisis there.
He also brought up who Trump had been hiring illegals for years, but his supporters don't care.
Anyway, I feel fucked up when I used your arguments.
What would you have done differently if you, me?
I feel fucked up when using your arguments.
Yeah, this guy isn't.
I feel fucked up when I used your arguments.
Arguments is spelled wrong, by the way.
Yeah, if Trump hired illegals, we frown upon that.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Some of his supporters don't care.
Well, they're wrong.
Like, this guy is forcing you to defend positions that you don't necessarily hold.
And then these Guatemalan women who are going to be deported, yeah, sorry.
You came here illegally.
Like, what if someone comes to your house and they say, hey, we have to stay here or we're going to get killed?
You go, oh, Jesus, come on inside.
And then you go, all right, well, you can't live here.
I mean, you got to get back out there at some point.
No, I can't go out there.
Okay, I guess I'll take you in.
I guess you can stay in the guest room.
Now someone else comes to the door.
Oh, hey, well, our guest room's already full.
I guess you can sleep in the kitchen.
Now, by the way, word gets out.
Hey, if you're feeling threatened, go to Gavin's house.
My cousin lives in his guest room.
My other cousin is sleeping on a cot in his kitchen.
He'll take anyone in.
Now my house is packed wall to wall with people, and the problem still exists.
Like, how naive do you have to be to think I can solve this problem by taking in some people?
Maybe the racist would find his way in there too.
The rapist would find his way back in there too, just like in Germany.
Yeah, just like Germany's a perfect example of that.
Well, small town.
We took in this woman because she was getting raped.
Then we took in her rapist.
Now he's threatening to kill her and we say, sorry, the refugees can't get involved.
It's so amazing he's not like, whew, I gotta live with that.
I'm gonna avoid her, my accuser.
He's doubling down.
Like, I'm gonna keep raping you.
Crazy.
Wonderful.
All right.
That's enough.
This shitty episode that I knew would suck is finally over.
I am the aunt angry.
Let's end this with the final video.
This is basically my only fear.
This is 3-3.
I am petrified of drunk women.
They have the potential to ruin my life by causing a scene which then goes public and then ruins my kids' social life, which is all a parent really cares about ultimately.
You can't hit them if they hit you.
They are fucking Scary.
If I walk into a bar and I see and it's in my neighborhood and I see like four drunk housewives, I will get the fuck out of there.
If I see four drunk hell's angels, I'll probably stick around.
If I see four drunk Mexicans who look like they might be in the Trinitarios or something, if I don't see a machete, I think I'll stay.
But four drunk women, it's a jail sentence waiting to happen.
Get the fuck.
If you see a drunk woman, run.
And when I watch this video, I feel nothing but fear.
Your mom can be a bitch.
Your mom is a bitch.
Yeah, no worries.
It's exhausting.
What?
Why are you following me?
Follow, follow, follow.
You're following us.
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
He's just trying to get the fuck away from her and she says, why are you following me?
And then she says, your mama's a bitch.
Hold on, Randy.
That's where your mom does.
She's fucking tasting this in the butt because she's a fucking cunt.
Your mother's a four.
Like you.
Why are you a follower?
Follower.
Follower.
This is when I'm scared.
You wanna fucking fight me?
Dude, run.
You're a follower.
She starts screaming.
She scratches herself.
Then the police report says she seemed distressed when they arrived as she's yelling, fuck you pigs, and trying to punch them.
Dude, you're fucking stupid.
Get a fucking clue.
Oh, no.
You gotta keep that thing rolling.
If you hit me, fuck out of here.
If you hit me, I'm going to smack the shit.
No, you're not, dude.
You're going to jail.
Your son is a fucking broke-ass motherfucker.
He's trying to fucking blame me.
Oh, really, Nicole?
Like, what?
Of course, you have to know.
Threw the N-word in there.
Had to.
She's not going to stop, huh?
Bitch.
Don't film drunk women.
No, no.
I would say keep the camera rolling.
Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying.
Well, he's going out of his way, though.
Yeah, that's right.
To follow her and get her on camera because he thinks it's funny.
Yeah, get away.
But it's not funny, dude.
You will go to fucking prison.
Thank God that's true.
That doesn't really bode well to the ending of the show.
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