Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E93 - THE SADDEST MAN

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Dec. 2, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:33:21

S02E93 - THE SADDEST MAN

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	Hello, folks.
	I just drove in to the city from Washington, D.C. I was in Colonial Williamsburg for the holidays, and it was cool.
	I'll share some pics of my trip with you.
	Of course, we have to discuss the music so we don't get sued.
	I had this song in my head all week, all weekend, Death is a Star by The Clash.
	And I couldn't remember any of the lyrics.
	I just remembered, go down again.
	And I just put down again, Lyrics, The Clash.
	Boom.
	It came up.
	God, I love the internet.
	But it's a really cool, weird haunting song that I was going to use to introduce the show, but it's not.
	It doesn't get you pumped.
	I don't hear it.
	In a one-stop only motel, the stone bangs on the cheapest room.
	The phantom slips in to spill blood, leave it on the sweetest home.
	What is the genre of this?
	Spoken word poetry.
	Jazz?
	Waltz?
	It's also hard to Google because they have another poetry song with that Slam Dance Metropolis, William S. Burroughs.
	Anyway, my wife sent me a tweet of this, of Joe Strummer wearing a Krass shirt, which I thought was weird because they didn't get along.
	Krass had a song, They said that we were trash, but our name is Krass, not Clash.
	They can stuff their punk credentials.
	It's them that takes the cash.
	And in that same song, he says, Black man's got his problems, his way to deal with it.
	He doesn't need help from you white liberal shits.
	If you take a closer look at the way things really stand, you'll see we're all just niggers to the rulers of this land.
	Damn.
	See, that was considered like left-wing to say back in 1984.
	I say it now when I'm a Nazi.
	Malcolm X said the same thing, too.
	He's like, the white liberals are all...
	That's fishy, though.
	You see the blurring?
	Well, Detective Shitty isn't so shitty, Nomo.
	This is a Photoshop.
	You're correct.
	This is a really shitty Photoshop.
	That's correct.
	Where they lost.
	You should use the select tool with a pretty high tolerance and just take the black, drag it over to his shirt, and then you'll maintain the wrinkles.
	Oh, but I bet the original shirt has a print on it.
	Strummer wasn't known for wearing no print shirts.
	Non-print shirts?
	Well, yes.
	I reverse Google.
	Look at this guy go.
	Oh, man.
	Where did it?
	Oh, there we go.
	Elvis.
	What a sexy band.
	That's Paul Simon in the basis.
	I could see being gay for him.
	Paul Simon?
	Paul Simonen.
	Oh, Simonen.
	Why would you say Paul Simon?
	You thought I mistakenly meant Paul Simon?
	And then stuttered like a major.
	From Simon and Garfunkel?
	And then had a mini stroke at the end of it.
	Paul Simonen.
	Back to Detective Shitty.
	Wow, that didn't last very long, did it?
	That's not good.
	You had it going on for about a minute, if you will.
	But before we get to my fascinating trip in Colonial Williamsburg, and I tell you what I did this summer, I'm going to talk about some other things and also warn you that we have on tape the saddest man in the world, the most pathetic human being you'll ever see.
	He's going to make you feel like Conan the Barbarian, but he's such a fucking loser that it might be bad for us as a male gender.
	That's how much of a loser he is.
	Like imagine a Hell's Angel.
	You found out like Brian Stettler was a Hell's Angel.
	You wouldn't go, haha, Brian Stettler thinks he's a biker.
	You'd think badly of the whole Hell's Angels, the entire club.
	And this guy is such a loser.
	I think he's hurt the entire male profession of being a man.
	But before we even get to that, something fucking freaky happened to me the other day.
	Maybe we should just jump into that clip.
	So you can be just, I'll explain everything after, but I want you to be as confused as I was.
	So show it.
	What are you doing?
	Ogre.
	Oh.
	No thanks, that was turned down by Jill Barad, the CEO of Mattel, saying they never work.
	What did I just see?
	What was that?
	Okay, pause.
	I mean, that's enough of the video.
	I don't want to show my basement.
	Did you see that?
	Do you want to try it again?
	Let's try it again.
	No, play it in full.
	Because that's how I saw it.
	So let me just give you some backstory now, a little bit more color.
	That's the guy.
	There's a great new show called The Toys That Made Us.
	It's not new.
	But it takes the story of toys that you know, Star Wars toys, Ninja Turtle toys, and it shows the economics of them.
	How, like, that's the most valuable one, this Boba Fett.
	How Star Wars, George Lucas is apparently a fucking idiot and decided to start marketing the toys two months before the movie was done.
	And toys take two years.
	So there was no toys when the movie came out.
	Kenner, everyone turned them down.
	Kenner, this company said, all right, we'll do your toys, but we want to keep 95%.
	And he went, I guess I got to do it.
	So he got a raw deal that was his own fault.
	Look at these fucking losers collecting toys.
	Toys.
	Like, when does he enjoy them?
	Right there.
	Yeah.
	And then you go, but Gavin, you have toys Behind you, yeah, to decorate my set to make it like on sports shows.
	I'm trying to show the vibe here with the books and everything.
	The Scottish guy, where we're coming from, humors, a big part of this, Alfred E. Newman.
	But these aren't like in my home in a glass case.
	Does he take them out and look at them?
	Anyway, the Star Wars one was fascinating, and I don't give a fuck about Star Wars.
	And the Ninja Turtles one was even more fascinating.
	And this guy is talking about how ninja turtles are hard to sell.
	I mean, a ninja means an assassin.
	It's not very kid-friendly.
	Green historically doesn't sell as a toy color.
	Boys like blue and black and stuff.
	So it was looking really bad.
	So he's talking about all the different companies that turned him down.
	Okay, that's interesting.
	Now let's play the clip again.
	No thanks.
	I was turned down by Jill Murad, the CEO of Mattel, saying they'd never work.
	That's all they tell us.
	The CEO of Mattel.
	What did they just show us?
	I feel like, you know, those lunatics who think that there's shapeshifters and the Luminati have like time travelers and they'll show you some clip of a woman using a cell phone in 1836.
	And clearly she's just like scratching her face or something.
	That's how I feel watching this.
	Like I just saw something I wasn't supposed to see.
	The movie never addresses this.
	I researched it like crazy.
	I found that CEO of Mattel.
	I found that chick.
	There's tons of stuff about her.
	Nothing on that fucking thing.
	What is that?
	And it's taking priority in the framing.
	You want to show this clip too?
	Yeah, here's me looking at it again.
	What the fuck is going on with this movie?
	What is that?
	What?
	What is this?
	What is it?
	Just pause.
	What the fuck is it?
	I think it's a piece of art that's a chair.
	And it's a naked lady that is a chair.
	And I bet it's, there's like this top sculptor who does some of their best toys.
	And she's a woman, of course.
	So she has to, she finds out that he's also an artist.
	And he made this chair.
	And she goes, Artuvio, I love it.
	It's sexy.
	It's erotic.
	It's dangerous.
	It's exciting.
	And she puts it in her office to show how like advanced she is.
	But what the fuck?
	What a shitty piece of art if it is.
	That's a plastic chair you're supposed to sit in?
	Or what is it?
	Just a melting nude lady with weird shitty tits?
	What the fuck?
	Can't be comfortable.
	Like, I know, okay, now I finally, when I first saw it, I thought it was a dead kid or something.
	But now I know that it's, now that I'm accepting it's a piece of art, I'm still confused.
	Who made that?
	Why did you make that?
	What is that?
	How many did you make?
	You're very lucky you found someone stupid enough to buy your shitty art.
	What a bizarre thing.
	She's out of frame, basically.
	The star of the shot is that stupid, nude chair.
	And they zoom into it with a, like a Hey, folks at home, if you're watching, can you find out about this chair?
	Who made it?
	I want him on the show.
	I couldn't find anything online.
	Isn't that weird?
	Yeah, there's something eerie.
	It's so spooky, too.
	It's like David Cross bought this outsider art.
	He loves outsider art, you know, art by retards and stuff.
	Sort of like that sleeve we had on the last show.
	And it's a bathroom scene.
	It's beautifully painted, very well rendered.
	It's photorealist.
	And it's a young girl in a men's bathroom, and she's on her knees, and there's urinals around, and there's some man standing there.
	And I go, Dave, that looks like a kid's getting raped.
	I mean, the reason this was at an outsider art fair is because no one wants this.
	No one wants this painting in their home.
	You know why?
	If you go to a Michael Jackson auction and you want to buy like him with the little clay sculpture of him with the chimp that was from Neverland, you can get it for like 200 bucks.
	They're not expensive because people don't want to walk into their home and just see a guy that raped kids.
	That's not inspiring.
	Someone gave me a Sid Vicious painting once, and I was like, I don't want that in my house.
	I don't want my kids seeing that my dad looks up to a man who OD'd on heroin.
	That's not a good look.
	No junkies on the walls when you have kids.
	Although the day they move out, just porn chairs and swear words.
	I'm going to get a neck tattoo that says fireball like my wife.
	All right, shall we do my trip?
	Yes.
	Go through some of my snaps.
	Fascinating trip.
	Colonial Williamsburg.
	It was the first settlement of the Americas.
	It actually was owned by Spain at the time, this little area.
	It's very easily accessed by the sea, and there's all kinds of nice rivers and bays, little peninsula in there.
	It's perfect for shipping, and the Spanish loved it.
	Now, I thought the history of America was all about Plymouth Rock and the Mayflower.
	No.
	That was just one ship of fools who, and they were not fleeing religious persecution, those guys in the boat.
	They were worried as, what were they, Protestants, purists, Puritans?
	They were worried that they would be seduced by the ways of the Church of England.
	So they got in a boat to get away from that temptation.
	Almost like, think of Hasidic Jews living in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
	They don't want to, and Williamsburg, Brooklyn has that, is named after Williamsburg, Pennsylvania.
	So they came over to get away from temptation, start their own perfect world on this place called Wolf Island, which was Manhattan.
	And then they got pushed north.
	They ended up in like Cape Cod or something in Massachusetts.
	And they said, you know what?
	Let's just stay here.
	God wanted us to be here.
	Three years earlier, I believe, this is like 1609, 1612.
	I can't remember which one was first.
	Who cares?
	Oh, and by the way, no Indians when they got here.
	They'd already been eaten by their own plague.
	They had a bubonic plague in North America.
	Columbus came down in the Caribbean, had cooties.
	The cooties went through the Caribbean, up the west coast, and obliterated the entire native population.
	So by the time they got to Plymouth Rock, there was like one Indian dude, and his family was all dead.
	And you know what he was doing there?
	He had been kidnapped by the Spanish years ago, like when he was a kid.
	They took him to Europe.
	They took him to Britain.
	They freed him as a slave.
	He started working.
	He got a job on a boat.
	He came back as an adult.
	He spoke English and was Christian.
	So he's sitting there alone on an island with all his dead Indians.
	I'm still talking about Plymouth Rock now.
	And they walk up to him and he goes, hello, do you have beer?
	That's the first thing they heard when they arrived in Plymouth Rock.
	Anyway, separate to that and much more consequential was Colonial Williamsburg.
	It was basically a mining expedition.
	They said, look, the Spanish own this place on the Americas, whatever the fuck they're called, back then, America Island.
	Let's just go in, get tons of silver and gold.
	I'm making learning cool.
	Have you noticed that?
	Yeah.
	So the Spanish were like, yo, man, this is my hood, right?
	And then the English were like, fuck that.
	I'm going to go and get some of that silver and gold.
	But get this.
	There wasn't really any silver and gold to be had.
	So they was like, what the fuck?
	And then these niggas was like, well, there is tobacco.
	So they weren't having it.
	They farmed tobacco, sent that back, and that did great.
	I feel that there's someone who knows history really well and is listening to this going, oh, for fuck's sakes.
	But then I guess the Spanish never came back.
	So they said, we're just staying here.
	And they built a little village that was British.
	Okay, so let's look at some of my snaps.
	What is this?
	This sucked so much shit, you would not have believed it.
	I was gobsmacked.
	So we went to one night.
	It was like a ghost night, and it was always sold out.
	This was pretty half-assed.
	Upper Canada Village is much better than Colonial Williamsburg.
	But the ghost night, they go and you bring the kids and they tell you like family-friendly ghost stories and these historical spots that people lived in in the 60s.
	And it is spooky.
	So that's fine.
	I don't like ghost stories.
	I don't fucking believe in ghosts.
	I'm not retarded.
	And I can tell when I hear them that half the time it's some drunk who had a hallucination and the other half it's some guy who got caught cheating on his wife and said, oh, she's a witch.
	She seduced me.
	Better kill her.
	How many or some mistress says she's pregnant?
	And he's like, she's a witch.
	It's kind of like Islam, but like with more imagination involved.
	We got to kill her.
	What?
	What are you talking about, Roy?
	How does she know my name?
	Witch.
	Crazy.
	That was the abortion back then.
	You just burnt your mistress alive.
	Killed two birds with one still.
	With one doad.
	With one doad.
	So, yeah, they come out.
	It's St. Andrew's.
	It's a Scottish thing.
	Oh, cool.
	So they tell us about St. Andrew.
	He was crucified.
	Oh, they do these Scottish accents where they talk like this, but occasionally we'll roll an R. So they go, so then St. Andrew was crucified.
	What?
	They were flanging in and out of this shitty Scottish accent, which I have a real allergic reaction to.
	And they say, oh, he didn't want to be on a Christ cross because that was Christ shit and that felt like blasphemy.
	So if you're going to crucify me, do it on an X. Oh, okay.
	And that's why Scotland has an X. Oh.
	And the reason that St. Andrew, he was actually from like, I don't know, Middle East somewhere, maybe Turkey, I don't know, Greece.
	And he said, I don't want to be buried here.
	So take my bones and put them in the farthest, farthest place you can ever find.
	So they did.
	They got on a boat.
	They ended up way at the top of Scotland.
	They left his bones there.
	And then Scotland became St. Andrews.
	Or sorry, Scotland, St. Andrews became an integral part of Scottish history.
	Okay, fascinating.
	This is going really well.
	This is 10 minutes in.
	And then you know what they said?
	They go, that's all there is to know about St. Andrew.
	And then they started getting up, sitting down, getting up, sitting down, and talking about fucking dumb ghost stories.
	The piper with no feet and some fucking seagoat called a sookie, where if you catch her and when she takes off her jacket, you get to make a wish.
	And this guy wished, and there was a weird sort of misandry laced into, where these boys were haunted by St. Andrews and they kept failing their classes.
	And she's like, yeah, that's why you're failing your classes.
	If you're saying that about a female school, you never get it.
	I've never heard of a fucking sookie before.
	The seagoat.
	I never heard of it.
	You go to Glasgow airport, they're not selling these.
	This is not a big Scottish thing.
	Anyway, they tell these stupid ghost stories.
	It's just torture.
	And I'm feeling bad for my kids.
	The whole weekend was sort of torturing them on purpose, by the way.
	I know they didn't want to go to Colonial Williamsburg, but fuck it.
	I'm sick of them not learning anything in school.
	And that's a good kind of torture.
	It's like, feel the burn, kids.
	I'm taking you on a walking tour.
	It's like a vegetable cajin.
	Eat your vegetables.
	It's a very difficult vegetable cage.
	It's very difficult.
	I don't like the broccoli, but they make us eat it.
	So that pissed me off.
	You suck, you fucking lazy teachers.
	They're all teachers.
	And they also explained that they've been there for about seven years.
	You might want to get good at your job.
	And I saw, and they had a big screen behind them.
	You know what they should have done?
	And you could have Googled this.
	Show Braveheart parts of Braveheart and say what was right in the movie and what was wrong in the movie.
	Like in the movie, his love interest, in real life, she would have been four years old at the time.
	So that's a mistake.
	And you show that and you say, this didn't happen.
	This did happen.
	This was accurate.
	This wasn't accurate.
	If Braveheart, they're not going to sue you.
	The worst thing they'll do is give you a cease and assist.
	Then you come up with a new thing.
	Yeah, and who's going to rat?
	Fucking ghost stories?
	Suck my dick.
	Ghost stories.
	What am I?
	10?
	What am I?
	5 ghost stories, really?
	This was near the Weiss House.
	I used to live on Wythe in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
	Oh, we went to look up, what's it called?
	The Burgess House?
	The birthplace of democracy, or our modern democracy, American justice, I should say, which doesn't seem to exist anymore.
	The Burgess House?
	Is that what it is?
	The court?
	Yeah, there it is.
	conference house of Burgess, House of Burgess.
	So, we went there and we saw there was a trial going on, and we got to sit in the trial.
	That was really cool.
	And the trial was this guy was being accused of being a patriot and blaspheming the king and supporting the revolution.
	So, he sits there on trial, and they have his slave comes out, and she goes, Yeah, he was doing it.
	He's like, You bitch.
	And then, again, making learning cool.
	And then we were allowed to interject.
	And so the judge, who may have been Wife himself, Judge Wife, said, does anyone have a question in the courtroom?
	And so everyone was getting involved in it.
	And they were saying things like, did you have your glasses on at the time?
	And he's like, no, I didn't have my spectacles.
	But that did not impede my vision.
	I could see perfectly that it was this man who was funding the revolution.
	So that was cool.
	And then I thought, I want to do the animal house thing where he gets up and he goes, point of parliamentary procedure.
	The issue here, gentlemen, is not that we took some liberties with a few of our female guests.
	We did.
	But before we let a few sick and perverted individuals spoil the whole bunch, we, no, we can't do that.
	What does he say?
	Yeah.
	You can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few sick, perverted individuals.
	Or if we do.
	Or if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system?
	And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general?
	I court to you, Rick.
	Isn't this an indictment of our entire American society?
	Well, you can do what you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you, bad-mouth the United States of America.
	Gentlemen!
	And then they leave, right?
	Play what they.
	You're not walking out of this one, mister.
	You're finished.
	Anyway, so that's how it was in my head.
	And my kids are there, and there's like 60 people in there.
	And I go, I got to do this.
	I got to do this.
	And then my heart starts pounding.
	And I actually grab my daughter's hand and I put it on my chest so she can feel like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
	It was going hard.
	Dad's a pussy.
	And then I thought, I can't pussy out of this or I'll never forgive myself.
	And this is a great lesson for the kids.
	And it's a cool animal house shout out.
	And there's a lot of boomers here.
	They'll probably get it.
	So they go, I put out my hand the first time and it's too late.
	And then the second witness comes and I finally have a chance.
	And I just go.
	And they're just, yes, sir.
	And I get up and I go, point of parliamentary procedure.
	And then he starts going, bang, bang, bang.
	Do you have a question, sir?
	And I go, the issue here is not whether we took some liberties.
	And he's like, bang, bang, bang.
	Do you have a question, sir?
	And then I'm like, shit, that's not part of the speech.
	So then I go, yes, I have a question.
	Is this not an indictment of our entire educational system?
	And if it is, and he's like, bang, bang, ask a question, bang, bang.
	And they go, court clerk.
	And they get the guy, he's a black guy, and he comes over, he's got this big staff, and they're banging, banging, and he's got his uniform.
	And I'm like, well, you can say, you can do what you want to me.
	He's grabbing me now.
	And I go, but I'm not going to sit here and let you badmouth the United States of America.
	And then they pull me out.
	And then everyone, I know this sounds like a lie because it ends with everyone claps.
	No way.
	But yeah, everyone's laughing their heads off.
	And then I get thrown out.
	And as I'm being let out, I start going, hmm, hmm, hmm, of the song.
	But I realize there, that's land of hope and glory.
	That's a British anthem.
	Oh, yeah.
	It was supposed to be Star Spangled Banner or something, right?
	Anyway, it doesn't matter.
	No one got the Animal House reference.
	But what they thought the joke was, was me just being a patriot and fuck Britain.
	Like USA, USA.
	So everyone laughed at that.
	It was too sophisticated.
	And this is a great lesson for you folks at home.
	Don't be too ambitious with your jokes.
	Okay?
	Like that has many levels.
	That's two levels.
	Don't have any.
	I should have just got up and went, I'll tell you what, America's going to win this revolution.
	We will be sorry.
	This is not the king's land.
	This is the people's land.
	And then been dragged out.
	WWF.
	That's why it teams to everybody.
	Yeah.
	Bad guy is The Undertaker.
	Good guy is Hulk Hogan.
	Keep it simple, stupid.
	It's like with the anti-Sharia march, that rally we had in New York City.
	I got up and I said, let's cut the crap.
	Sharia's got a lot of wonderful things.
	Like, women can't drive.
	You ever see a woman on the road?
	I like that they're cut.
	Maybe we should embrace Sharia.
	And also, you walk around Williamsburg, all these women so fucking hot, you can't stop thinking about them all day.
	Put a burqa on them.
	Cover them up.
	And everyone in the audience is just going, what?
	And then I realized, I got to change course.
	And I just said, they're not going to rule us.
	This is freedom.
	And we don't.
	And it was like, yeah, I like that.
	Freedom's good.
	Nuance bad.
	Nuance bad.
	Well, I mean, maybe at a quiet comedy club, you can whisper a bit.
	I was doing like Louis C.K. in both cases, and they just want Hulk Hogan.
	Anyway, I thought that was a good lesson for my kids.
	Although I said to my six-year-old, he's eating cheesies.
	And I go to Johnny, I go, what'd you think of dad getting kicked out of that courtroom?
	And he goes, cringy.
	No way.
	With like a mouthful of Cheetos.
	By the way, speaking of my kids, I got a, my wife called me.
	She said, all after-school programs are canceled today because of the weather.
	And basketball practice is also canceled for my son.
	What?
	It's barely snowing out.
	Yeah, it's really nothing.
	It's like mist.
	Like, I was just driving here from D.C. I came Here from upstate, so it was pretty bad up there, but then it wasn't.
	All the roads are fine.
	Pussyville.
	Yeah.
	When I was a kid, we would walk in blizzards.
	I'd have to walk to school backwards when I was seven years old.
	Oh, so the wind's not in your face.
	Yeah.
	And it was just white.
	Remember you breathe in your nose and then you feel icicles forming?
	Or your nostrils stick together?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Kind of feels cool.
	Yeah, you'd have that little mouth thing on and that would all be drenched in like icicles.
	Yep.
	Snowpants.
	You had to wear snowpants to walk to school, which was such a bad look.
	I remember even at seven going, God, these things suck.
	And I could say about the weather.
	Mother Nature's hella pissed.
	Should we look at some more snaps?
	Yes.
	Oh, there's also a movie of me shooting a flint gun.
	That was fun.
	Oh, yeah, those things.
	I don't know why, but I could have sat there all day.
	I only got about six shots, and they were all over the place.
	It's so fucking random where that thing is going.
	There aren't even sights.
	You're just basically hoping to kill someone.
	That's why they would do duels, because those handguns are even worse.
	How'd that one feel?
	How did that one feel?
	So good.
	Nice.
	The lead balls, right?
	Yeah, there's no recoil.
	It doesn't really hit you hard.
	It's not like my 30-odd six where my arm comes off every shot and I have a bruise after a session.
	This feels like nothing.
	It's almost like shooting a crossbow.
	Interesting.
	And the fire shoots out and you got the flint there.
	You got the black powder you put in.
	So fun.
	It's a very rewarding sound, though.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Honestly, I could have been there all day.
	It was strangely soothing.
	It's sort of like hunting.
	I thought hunting would be boring.
	And then I did it.
	You're just sitting on a rock for like four hours and it's meditation.
	You feel so zen.
	Yeah.
	You become one with the forest.
	And that's what people, especially New York liberals, don't seem to understand that guns and America are so inextrably linked that separating them is like separating dumplings from German people or kung fu from China.
	Those are terrible analogies.
	Those are the most American references to other cultures you could have made.
	No, it's like telling Japanese people that they don't take off their shoes anymore and they can sit in a normal chair and use a fucking fork.
	It's just not who they are.
	Well, this was a cool clip.
	They sold the Indians shitty guns.
	One, because Indians were poor and they would buy them up real fast.
	And two, because they broke easy and they weren't totally comfortable with the Indians being armed.
	So it's like, you're our ally now.
	Here's a disposable gun.
	This is probably not going to be around in a couple years.
	But yeah, those were all the guns that they used were the guns that we shot.
	Oh, and this was cool.
	No, maybe they sent over Russians.
	What does that say?
	It says German principalities.
	But what does this bottom right say?
	Towards the end of the Revolutionary War, the Continental Congress offered Hessian soldiers citizenship, farmland, two pigs, and a cow in exchange for deserting.
	Thousands decided to become Americans.
	Oh, yeah.
	I just thought that's a great economic rule.
	And we did this with awarding money for scalps and stuff.
	Get financial with your war.
	Hey, we're about to have a new country.
	You get tons of land if you fight for us and leave the British.
	Okay, done.
	Money talks.
	This was a chair, this was a loony bin in 1773, and this is a chair to make you calm down.
	You put your head in that thing and you can't see anyone annoying.
	Yeah.
	Sitting on a comfy thing.
	Of course, everywhere you go in America, there's fucking fat people everywhere, obese losers.
	I'm starting to hate them more and more every day.
	I saw this couple.
	It was actually at the loony bin previous to that.
	She had short gray hair on.
	She's a big fat pig, under armor, camo pants, little stupid reading glasses, big fat tub of shit.
	And she looked just like her three giant fat sons.
	Her sons weren't so fat, actually.
	They're probably farmers.
	And then her big, huge dad.
	I mean, sorry, husband.
	But I'm like, there's nothing remotely feminine about you.
	Is that?
	So you're in a gay relationship.
	If the only thing that's a woman like you is your genalia and you look exactly like my hunting buddy, aren't you in basically a gay relationship?
	Anyway, sorry.
	Next pick.
	Is this fun or boring?
	It's cool.
	Because I wanted to know, Ed, about the trip.
	Oh, this was interesting.
	This was where they put loonies, right?
	And this is supposed to be, oh, so shockingly cruel.
	This is twice the size of Tommy Robinson's cell.
	Wow.
	So we've become more barbaric.
	He had a window.
	Well, yeah, he had a window sometimes.
	No, I don't think he did.
	The first time he went, he had a window.
	And then the second time he didn't?
	Right, right.
	So I'm going to send that to Tommy and just go, this is our barbaric history in 1773 where we put the mentally ill.
	We don't even have looney bins anymore.
	We just have 60,000 homeless people wandering the streets of Manhattan outside right now.
	That's a big fancy meal we had where they give you basically a tablecloth because no one would wash.
	So you didn't want to get any shit on your shirt or you were fucked.
	Next.
	Oh, that's my wife and I on a carriage thing.
	This was weird.
	So we're on the thing and then we're galloping around.
	That's enough for that one.
	And there's this wench, this slave, I guess she was, right?
	She says to the guy, the guy, the driving our carriage was black, and she goes, she sees him and us, and she says, she's got on her little bonnet and everything and her little, you know, they wear like 50 skirts, dresses and frocks.
	And she says, good day, good day to you.
	And he goes, good day.
	And then she does like a curtsy and skips away.
	Like, are you in character?
	No, right?
	Is that break of character?
	There's people with Patagonias walking around everywhere.
	Why bother?
	Oh, it's like a Renaissance fair type nerd.
	I guess.
	I mean, she worked there, but I don't understand what she was doing.
	Because the others weren't really in character.
	And I said to the guy, I go, have you ever had a relationship with anyone here?
	Because it looked like they had a thing.
	And he goes, nope.
	And I said, if you did, would you be in character the whole time?
	And he goes, I'm not in character right now.
	This is me.
	Oh, well, he wasn't.
	And then he started saying so much bullshit.
	The older I get, the more I realize that no one knows what the fuck they're talking about.
	So I said to him, What exactly was the dominant religion with this group back then?
	He goes, Oh, you had it all.
	You know, no, you didn't.
	What?
	I think they were Episcopalian.
	You had it all.
	It was the Church of England, right?
	Whatever they're called now.
	Presbyterian?
	Yeah, that could be it.
	I said, that was like 90% of them dude.
	And he goes, oh, you had, you know, you had slaves.
	They were Muslims.
	What?
	Slave traders were Muslims, but they stayed in North Africa.
	African slaves were into like voodoo shit.
	They weren't Muslims.
	It was like tribal kind of.
	And then he said this stinker.
	He goes, and a lot of people, you know, they weren't religious when they were younger, but they became religious as they got older, wondering what's going to happen to them.
	You know, they'd start going to church as they got older.
	You mean like everyone on earth?
	What are you talking about?
	That's not unique to 1609 in England.
	You're just like shooting your mouth off.
	And then we started talking about prices and the price of things.
	That interests me.
	Like you'd basically, I think an annual salary was, I want to say 50 bucks.
	I can't remember, something like that.
	So we're learning what's, and he says, well, things are worth what you're going to pay for them.
	Like my dad had a Dotson Z20.
	Look this car up.
	And some car dealer, some car collector wanted it so bad.
	And he'd make my dad all these offers.
	And my dad would say, wait, what did you look up?
	Z20?
	Z20, right?
	Yeah.
	Maybe it's a Z40.
	I saw one in the first thing you did.
	It's the orange thing.
	Z240.
	Z240.
	Yeah, there it is.
	So they offered him money, and he said, you better add some zeros to that.
	And, you know, the reaction is, ha ha, my dad, he doesn't take any shit from nobody.
	And I looked it up later.
	The guy had offered him $48,000 for this car.
	I looked it up.
	It's worth $28,000 on a good day.
	And his dad's like, no, thanks.
	Add some zeros.
	You mean 2.8 million?
	Wow.
	Yeah, good point.
	What are you talking about?
	Your dad's imbecile.
	Your dad sucks.
	He could have sold it and bought two Datsun Z240s.
	Yeah, that's a Datsun and your adult's son.
	That son and that dad don't know what the fuck they talking about.
	How dare you?
	I love him so much.
	All right, we got to get to this guy who sent 40K to UQ, but let's quickly go through the posters.
	Was that your target?
	Yeah.
	Nice.
	That set of seven shots, dude.
	Oh, so three on the thing, two on the cardboard, one, two, three.
	That's two just gone.
	Yeah, totally off the thing.
	What's next?
	And why is your phone on?
	Oh, no, that's in my backpack.
	Next pick, please.
	Okay.
	You are recording this show, right?
	Yes.
	Oh, I stopped in DC and we went to the zoo where sometimes black people in DC, their accent is so thick you have trouble understanding them.
	Like, well, y'all get all that, get ah, that thing.
	Racking and cracking and such a like.
	And so I go up there and I go, at night, the zoo is all lit up.
	It has lights.
	And I go, I'm here to see lights.
	And she goes, what lights?
	We're standing in an area where every tree is blinding because it has so many fucking lights on it.
	So me and the guy I was with, this DHS guy, every time we'd see another giant sculpture, we'd both go, what lights?
	What lights?
	What lights?
	You want to hear about him though, dude?
	Yeah.
	Fired from the DHS for Googling Proud Boys.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's craziness.
	And you know what he was working on when they fired him?
	Code for catching school shooters, or sorry, mass shooters.
	So some sort of thing that can comb through the internet, the Matrix, and when it sees like fucking shoot up, school, I'm going to, gun, I'm kill, anything that kind of combination, then it pounces on it, checks, validates it, sees if it's just someone fucking around or if it's a credible threat.
	No, you don't need that guy.
	Get rid of him.
	He Googled something.
	Meanwhile, meanwhile, jihadists, come on in.
	NYPD.
	Oh, she was radicalized.
	Where are the journalists, by the way?
	I keep hearing these stories from cops, and they're never reported on.
	I want to hear more about this jihadist cop who was radicalized and then said, I'm not radical anymore.
	And it's still fucking working there.
	Insane.
	They're making us all less safe, really.
	Imagine he was like, you know, I'm a Nazi.
	And then he's like, I'm not a Nazi anymore.
	Yeah.
	He'd be banished from the earth.
	Oh, my God.
	He looked up something.
	He never said, I'm a member of the Prowboys, any of that.
	Could have been researched for his project.
	He could have been insinuating that there's some sort of link there between.
	Well, I think the problem is he looked it up, and then he also looked up.
	I wonder if I should be a member.
	So I think he looked up like membership, Virginia, if that's allowed.
	Maybe he's just curious.
	That's it.
	So much, so much that he could have just been like, that's just not enough to make somebody fired.
	I was doing research.
	I was asking how to join because I'm curious how they joined.
	Of course, yes.
	Let's breathe through these pictures.
	I think I'm boring the staff.
	The staff?
	You work there?
	Oh, swords were a big part of the revolution.
	I didn't know that.
	I didn't either.
	I want to get one now.
	That's, of course, the, what do you call that?
	A bayonet?
	Yes.
	A lot of this was hand-to-hand combat.
	That's a typical house back then.
	It's kind of cool.
	Yeah, awesome.
	You can rent them.
	What?
	You can rent them.
	And fuck, there's one that's just for fucking called the Romance House.
	You're kidding.
	Nope.
	Wow.
	For honeymoons.
	This is weird.
	I had a few run-ins with people, always positive.
	Hey, can I get a selfie?
	This guy takes a selfie with me, and then he puts it up on Reddit, but he blocks out his face.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So how much pointless of a picture is that?
	That's who he is, the anti-feminist.
	So, yeah, he doesn't, he talk about be brave, get fired, get in trouble.
	He's out there fighting the good fight online.
	Is that it?
	Oh, this was funny.
	There's little my youngest in the stockades.
	And You know what's the thing about the stockades?
	So you're there, you're being humiliated.
	People throw rotten fruit at you and stuff, right?
	And then you must see them the next day.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	Could be your pictures.
	There's personal ones in there I didn't mean to send you.
	Yeah.
	She must be like...
	Oh, hey.
	Nice arm.
	Yeah, you really got to...
	Well, I mean, it's a stockade, so you have to have fruit thrown at you.
	Yeah, I know.
	Just didn't think it would be you.
	You were at my wedding, dude.
	Yeah, he does the Megan McCain.
	Yeah, well, you know.
	You did steal some sundries.
	No, you didn't come to the pub with me because you said you were tired after work.
	I mean, that was after work where you threw it.
	A lot of vitality.
	Yeah, you really nailed me fucking hard.
	A lot of pep.
	And I don't know if you know this, but the rotten tomatoes are one thing.
	The eggs kill.
	The eggs feel like rocks when they hit, especially in the eyes.
	And then it sticks to my skin.
	Yeah, and then after you hit me in the eye, you went, yes, you pumped your arms.
	What was this?
	And what was with the high fiving with your wife?
	You guys aren't coming over for dinner anymore.
	Fuck you.
	It must have sowed a lot of animosity because it's a tiny little village.
	You can come over for eggs and tomatoes.
	That's it.
	They will be given to you at a high velocity.
	You can go over for dinner and they just serve them a rotten tomato and a broken egg.
	There you go.
	You seem to like those a lot.
	Fuckface.
	Don't throw them at me.
	Dirk.
	All right.
	Let's get to the task at hand, which is to address the saddest specimen of man that has ever been.
	So we don't want to strap you to the fire and check.
	Bye.
	Bye.
	Aloha, Maka Lekahai, Makahine-Ho.
	We appear to be in Hawaii, where masculinity has ended.
	It has died, and we are now watching the sad embers of what was once a raging fire in a man's chest.
	This is the saddest man I've ever come across in my life.
	So sad, in fact, that he's the end of man.
	Man is over.
	We all are responsible for this.
	We are all part and parcel of this pathetic display of, I guess, cuckery.
	So let's just start it.
	Hey, how you doing?
	Wendy, how you doing?
	What's going on?
	Okay, just pause.
	The only way we will allow men to work at a place like this is if they're fobs, fresh off the boat.
	I get it.
	You just came out of a shipping container from Thailand and you don't speak the language?
	Yeah, that sucks.
	Sand some toes for a while until you can get a job on a construction site or something.
	That's fine.
	And as far as the ladies go, you're probably illegal.
	Sure.
	You got a scam going?
	Fine, fine.
	That makes sense.
	But some random black dude with a bicycle helmet, he works there.
	I think, this is what I think happened.
	I did some research on this dude and he had an Asian girlfriend for a long ass time.
	And I guess she finally clued in that she's hanging out with half her IQ and dumped him.
	But then maybe he like met her there and then he started working there and now he's still stuck in that world?
	Dude, you don't belong there.
	I've been working as a nail technician for 15 years and I love it.
	That is awesome.
	That is nice.
	It's a great job.
	You get to meet new people, make them look beautiful.
	Go ahead and take a look at that.
	You get to meet new people, sand the dead skin off their heels.
	Sounds great.
	I johan nails about twice a month and Caesar does a really good job.
	He always puts his heart into his work.
	People really like to do that.
	Clean out their toe jam.
	It's for third world people.
	It's not for American citizens.
	When I tell people I do nails, they're pretty surprised.
	Yeah.
	I learned to do nails from my ex-girlfriend.
	She was my high school sweetheart.
	We dated for 13 years.
	Pause.
	You can see she's Asian, right?
	I don't know what it is.
	It's these lines.
	They have like three lines or at least two major dips in their head.
	Tell by your dips, your nips.
	But still a hopeless romantic.
	It's very important for me to have somebody that's my son.
	How did you end up working at a nail salon?
	How did you get that job?
	Like, imagine they're all sitting there, barely anyone speaks English.
	And then this guy comes in and's like, hey, what's up?
	My name's Mark.
	I just quit football.
	It's really bad for my back.
	I'd like to start sanding women's dead skin off their heels and cleaning up their toe jam.
	Can I start?
	Can I sit over there?
	No, you don't come here.
	You know, go.
	Go away.
	Go away.
	You know, we don't do black men.
	Somebody that I can walk the beach with, live our life basically in like a dreamland.
	This is where you realize he's one of the stupidest people on earth.
	Walk on a beach and live like in a dreamland.
	Like I love you.
	He's a Will Farrell.
	Who's the other guy in Stepbrothers?
	He's Steve Brule.
	But who's that actor?
	What the hell's his name?
	John C. Reilly.
	He's a John C. Reilly character.
	Go back.
	I need to see that again.
	Live in a Wonderland?
	What are you saying?
	Somebody that's my soulmate.
	Somebody that I can walk the beach with, live our life basically in like a dreamland.
	I live my life with somebody basically like a dreamland.
	Like, I love you.
	What?
	He speaks English as well as those illegals who just came out of the shipping container.
	Like, I love you.
	Oh.
	See, when I was watching it and I saw that part, I just went, oh.
	I felt like a brain surgeon or someone who works in neuropathology.
	And this is my patient and he's in the car accident.
	His vitals are fine.
	And I go, I think he survived.
	I mean, he's came out of the coma.
	We think he's back to 100% health.
	And then he goes, like a dreamland, like I love you.
	Oh, yeah, we're going to have to do another CAT scan.
	We definitely have some serious damage here.
	Seriously.
	I think it gets worse.
	Found the one woman that I've been searching for all my life.
	Oh, a 10.
	Her name is Maria.
	She's 28 years old.
	With huge tips.
	We met on Anastasia Day.
	This guy is a fat schlub, right?
	And look at his face.
	He's got a scar.
	I don't know what he is.
	I guess there's status with being black.
	Lots of white girls want to get with a black guy.
	So that elevates him a little bit more than, say, me.
	So this guy is my league, though, looks-wise.
	But I would say he's, well, he's technically, logistically, non-racially, he's a five.
	But I think maybe with like the culture and if he played up his blackness and was like, yo, what's up?
	He could maybe get up to a six.
	That woman, eight feels cruel.
	She's close to a nine.
	She's an eight point.
	It's not my cup of tea, blondes with big tits, but she's an 8.8.
	Do you see the problem there with the math, my friend?
	And she's, what, 22?
	He's like 48.
	Americans and Ukrainian women to meet each other for a small price.
	Small price.
	Anastasia Date has a unique system.
	Dude, we got to join this.
	You could buy flowers, candy.
	Then it's up to the girl whether she wants to respond.
	This is the card and the flowers that I sent her with my email.
	So this is proof that he's corresponding with her, right?
	Because it's an email.
	That could easily be Photoshopped.
	It actually does look pretty like she could be holding up a blank piece of paper right now, and they just sit there showing different emails in Photoshop.
	Holy shit.
	We should join this, buy her these.
	I think these are 400 bucks, unfortunately.
	And then see, can I see her holding an email and see if it's the same picture with our email?
	Poor bastard.
	Go pick up a fob.
	Come right next to you.
	$450.
	Wait, he just said that was $400.
	Oh, this is our favorite part.
	This is the best part ever.
	So he just said $450.
	The cameraman goes from focusing on that to focusing, and he catches his eyes right when he has a brief moment of realization, I am a fucking idiot.
	The cameraman who did this deserves the Nobel Peace Prize, and I will happily blow him.
	Hey, cameraman, who did this?
	If you're gay, I'm not, but I will blow you for what you just did because it's the greatest piece of camera work ever.
	Scorsese, eat your heart out.
	This is better than the, what's his name, who did the shining look like a Kubrick, a handheld cam in a backyard wrestling camera.
	Eat your heart out, Kubrick.
	Kubrick.
	This cost me $450.
	I'm watching that 900 times.
	I don't care if you cancel your subscription.
	We're going to be here for about a day, folks.
	$50.
	I am a fucking idiot.
	Sometimes you need a camera on you to realize how useless you are.
	I realize it every day.
	But wow.
	And then she emailed me back and there was immediate sparks.
	Immediate sparks.
	Yeah, it was like firecrackers and everything were just booming off.
	She's kind.
	Firecrackers and everything were just booming off.
	Like a fairyland.
	Like, I love you.
	I mean, he talks like my six-year-old.
	I mean, she's smart, funny.
	She makes me feel special.
	Does he have nail polish on?
	Oh, yeah.
	What is that?
	Maybe that could be like a blood blister.
	Maybe he's trying to open a can with a hammer and bashed his thumb.
	That's how he eats.
	He just smashes cans open and goes, wow, she sent you pictures.
	My soulmate.
	My soulmate.
	Hey, baby, I hope you had a lovely day.
	Maria and I can't wait every single day.
	I love you, my man.
	She's giving me pet names like Big Daddy, my husband.
	I can't wait to be with you.
	Love you, my husband.
	Do you think she's sending those videos to anyone else?
	I hope she's not sending those videos.
	This has never occurred to him.
	This is the kind of the saddest part of the whole video.
	That it's never occurred to him once that he's getting hustled.
	He saw the email, he saw the woman holding it, and he just thought, well, there's proof.
	I'm never doubting anything again from my soulmate.
	Like, I love you.
	Videos to anyone else.
	Does she ever say your name?
	We got to see that again.
	Just right now.
	It's just right now occurred to him that she's never said his name.
	And they could all be my husband, baby, sweetie.
	Hi, person who just sent money that I love.
	I can't wait to be with you.
	And we're going to find out, by the way, how many times they've been together.
	Does she ever say your name?
	Oh, shit.
	Oh, my baby.
	That must be me.
	She calls me my baby.
	That's what she calls him.
	She's my soulmate.
	We're in love.
	Like a fairyland.
	Booming.
	The firecrackers are going up.
	Like, I love you.
	I'm going to meet her maybe in Mexico.
	It's really expensive.
	Anyway, we'll get to that.
	Baby, hi.
	I just want to tell you that I love you and I need you.
	Tell who?
	So we're finally going to get to meet in person.
	Oh, good.
	Okay.
	Sorry.
	I will eat crow.
	I was being a little arrogant, calling you a naive fool.
	I didn't realize that you guys are going to meet soon.
	Okay, sorry.
	I'm going to fly to Ukraine, and I'm really excited.
	That's going to be great.
	Okay, sorry, I guess we'll delete this.
	Here, let me just fucking flakes off so I can use it as parmesan cheese on my food.
	Marie and I, we've been dating for five years, and we've been talking about marriage for a long time.
	Why haven't you ever met her in person?
	Well, because they've been dating for five years.
	He doesn't even have phone sex with her.
	I mean, if he was masturbating to her and she was showing her boobies or whatever on the video, I'd think that was pathetic and sad.
	But he's not even close to getting there.
	All he does is send her his hard-earned check, and it is hard earnings, in exchange for one of 10,000.
	I love you, baby.
	I mean, I don't like, I'm an economic nationalist.
	I don't like other countries making money off us.
	But outside of the country transaction, the overseas, like if someone in America was doing this, I'd say power to you.
	A fool and his money are soon parted.
	Fine.
	It's like Sean King.
	I just go, great hustle, Sean.
	You're doing an excellent job.
	You're a great criminal.
	Me to save up the money to do that.
	She's a receptionist.
	She's not getting paid that much, so I'm trying to at least help her and send her money.
	Like a lot.
	I give her probably about like $800 a month.
	The American dollar goes a long way in Ukraine.
	She needs to buy clothes for herself.
	She needs to pay for the cable, internet.
	So every time I get a patient, over the years, I've sent $40,000 to Maria.
	Goodbye, men.
	Goodbye, masculinity.
	You know how we always say on this show that the police force, the job is done.
	Cops are over.
	I think men are over.
	Thanks a lot.
	You just killed my entire gender.
	When are you going?
	40.
	I'm going to try to go in a couple weeks.
	Oh, a couple weeks.
	It's just really fishy to me.
	I feel like she's feeding him lies.
	When?
	I don't want to see him get hurt.
	He's a really nice guy.
	Yeah.
	I'm like overboard excited to go meet her.
	It's going to be everything I dreamed of.
	What?
	Everything is writing on this.
	He's like a kid.
	I've invested my savings.
	These grocery pick feeder.
	Is that a giant's thumb?
	Ugh.
	So pale and wet, and he's sitting there.
	Oh, well, it's worth it to send all the money to my aide in Ukraine, who I'm going to be with.
	Imagine he just, in his mind, he's going to get off the plane.
	I love you and my husband.
	And then we make love all night and then go for a walk on the beach and we laugh and giggle and eat ice cream in bed and watch movies.
	This is called Ghostbusters.
	It was a big hit in the 80s.
	They did a remake.
	We'll watch that too.
	Laughing, skipping.
	Meanwhile, she's just like doing Coke with some big fat Coke dealer who has a zip-up tracksuit and she's blowing him while he watches TV.
	And then she gets wasted and throws up and he's so drunk that he falls asleep on the floor and diarrhea himself.
	And then she kicks him and is screaming at him and makes him send out more money.
	Say like, I love you, hubby.
	I'll send it to like your top 300 guys and we'll get some more money.
	Then we can go over to Budapest and do some MDMA at my friend's Rave.
	Seven days a week, it's gotta work.
	I just feel in my blood that it's gonna work.
	Your blood's light.
	I just can't get her off my mind.
	Your blood's light.
	I hope it works out the way hope does.
	Yeah, I hope so too.
	And I feel it in my bones.
	No one says, I'm feeling pretty good about this.
	My blood's feeling like it's gonna happen.
	Your blood?
	Oh, I got a real chill in my blood today.
	It's cold out.
	Hey, babe.
	Here we go.
	How you doing?
	How's your day?
	Okay, Angel.
	Pretty good.
	She's so hungover.
	I missed you.
	She doesn't even know who this is.
	I love you.
	I love you, too.
	I love you too.
	I still think that we should do Ukraine.
	Oh, this again.
	We can get like a nice little cheap hotel and we can go drink some coffee and we can sit.
	Did she just laugh?
	I was going...
	Oh, no, I think...
	Okay, go back.
	We should do Ukraine.
	We can get like a nice little cheap hotel and we can go drink some coffee.
	You're right.
	She just went.
	And I'm trying to hold it back, laugh.
	That's so messed up, man.
	Here it comes.
	We can get like a nice little cheap hotel and we can go drink some coffee.
	Or she's snorting Coke off the fat guys.
	Yeah.
	She's clearing the drip.
	She's just on a speakerphone and she's been putting on her makeup, doing lines.
	And we can sit there and chat with your friends because, you know, I've always seen all your friends online.
	I haven't really, you know, to be able to visit your family and get to learn a little bit about your culture there.
	I think it's a good idea, but no, it's really cold.
	Now it's cold and it will be difficult, you know, to walk on the street, like to show my city.
	Just pause.
	Remember he was sitting talking to that woman that is his client?
	And he was like, I am like overboard excited.
	So you're overboard excited about something you haven't bought a ticket for or the person you're visiting hasn't confirmed either.
	Like this guy is fucking hopeless.
	We're his friends, by the way.
	Like your friends should be making fun of you right now.
	Laughing their heads off at you.
	If he had friends, he would not have that blanket.
	Yeah, his friends would tease that blanket out of his house.
	I hate his little bike with his helmet there.
	And yeah, this is why men should not live in Hawaii.
	You need a place with lots of pubs.
	You need to go to bars a lot.
	You need to have your circle of friends.
	Like I have my little happy hour entourage.
	And if I said to the janitor Dennis one day, hey man, I've sent 40 grand to Ukraine.
	He'd go, are you out of your fucking mind?
	And then he'd say, Gary, get over here.
	You got to hear this.
	You got to hear this.
	So what happened again?
	Well, I sent her flowers, you know, like I love you.
	What?
	Like I love you?
	That's not a sentence.
	What are you talking about?
	How much of those flowers you sent?
	Well, they're not that bad.
	First of all, guys, simmer down a little bit here.
	You're coming at me kind of hard.
	I spent $450 on flowers and chocolates.
	What?
	Flowers are 20, maybe 50 bucks.
	And chocolates, it's just garbage.
	It's Halloween stuff.
	In the fanciest box, maybe, maybe you could get up to like fucking 60 bucks for both combined.
	450 bucks in Ukraine?
	Where there's chocolates and flowers all over the ground?
	It's a shithole communist country.
	Yeah, I guess I never thought of it like that.
	It is a lot of money, isn't it?
	Please don't tell me you've been doing this regularly.
	Yeah, kind of.
	Oh my.
	Jesus.
	Guys, get over here.
	You got to hear this fucking clown.
	Dude, and it would be loving, you know?
	Like, even the other day, Dennis showed me his wallet and he keeps his change in his wallet.
	And me and the bartender are like, what the fuck are you doing?
	Your wallet is a sphere.
	It's supposed to be flat.
	And he goes, well, what do you do with change?
	I go, throw it away.
	Or you put it in your pocket with your keys.
	You don't have like 340 in quarters and dimes rammed into some dumb pouch in your wallet.
	And get rid of all these receipts.
	What are you doing with all these receipts?
	And this was not a big deal.
	He had a bad wallet etiquette.
	And we fixed it.
	This, I think this is irreparable.
	I mean, this is making me think all of mankind has to pack up and go home.
	We've lost one of our guys.
	I think it's better for both of us to relax in some nice and beautiful place, like to Mexico.
	Right now I'm starting to worry because this isn't the first time that I try to meet up with Maria.
	Over the past five years, me and Maria, we try to meet up over three different occasions.
	The first time, the travel agency, they took half of her money.
	The second time...
	So I'm assuming there's a big, fat, Tony Soprano type dude handling all this.
	But it's possible she's just a great con artist.
	No, no, no.
	Anastasia, the website is definitely run by Russian mobsters.
	Definitely.
	Don't sue me, Anastasia, but that sounds, that's my theory.
	And she's just a Patsy.
	I don't see her being this.
	She's too pretty to be that smart.
	But you know what happened with that first one?
	They took half her money.
	He sent her money, and then she just took it, put it in her pocket, and said, the travel agent ripped me off.
	Took half my money.
	Can you believe that shit?
	I can't come.
	So that was an easy grift.
	What's the next one?
	Said that she missed the flight.
	So the second time she missed the flight.
	And as you know, when you miss a flight, the flight is canceled.
	And you can never get on a plane ever again.
	There's no such thing as getting the next flight.
	I wonder if he was reimbursed for that.
	Nope.
	The third time she was missing something on her passport.
	I have no idea what it was.
	Yeah, a person.
	Sorry, ma'am.
	You can't come through.
	Why?
	Is it my passport?
	No, you're not here.
	You have to be present.
	You need a human being standing here to get on the plane.
	Oh, I didn't know that.
	That's a passport issue.
	No, it's not really a passport issue.
	It's a physics thing.
	You have to exist in order to get on the plane.
	Okay, well, now I know.
	Her passport.
	For everything.
	On her passport, I have no idea what it was.
	She left for me at her.
	I just want to see her in real life because that's a part of my life that I'm missing.
	Dude, can I just explain to you that we all want to fuck her?
	She's a beautiful, young, blonde knockout with insane tits.
	We all having the same desire you're having, but we're adults and we go, I like that.
	That seems great.
	I can't have that.
	I don't deserve that.
	That's not for me.
	That's for some other handsome Ukrainian man who's going to woo her and they'll have a nice life and we wish them nothing but the best.
	Like, do you walk by a restaurant and see food on someone else's plate and go, hey, that looks good.
	Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, yummy.
	You can't have everything that you want.
	But if you try sometimes, you just might find.
	You get budget.
	Are you sure you don't want me to go to Ukraine?
	Are you sure?
	Yes, I'm sure.
	It's better to do when it's nice weather.
	Wow.
	Then summer comes around.
	It's too hot.
	Now, Ukraine now is like molten lava.
	You walk down, your feet stick to ground because your shoes melt.
	I need new shoes.
	People burst into flames.
	I need you to send me fireproof ski boots.
	I was planning to spend time with you at a romantic place, you know, like Mexico and enjoy each other.
	No, I know.
	Okay, now here's just pause.
	This is one thing I don't get.
	What's she doing here?
	Is her plan to send me the money for the ticket to Mexico and then she can make up some story?
	Or is she going to get on a plane, fly to Mexico, and then just turf him?
	Just ditch him, yeah.
	And then, but he'd have her itinerary.
	So she'd have to say something like, oh, I have to go and get my passport renewed.
	And he's like, what?
	I'll come with you.
	No, I have to go to the embassy because there's a problem with my passport.
	And then she just goes to a resort.
	Maybe.
	She's got options.
	I think she laughs again.
	Oh, really?
	And enjoy each other.
	No, I know.
	Babe, listen.
	Wait, I think that was just a huge line.
	Whoa.
	Damn that.
	You know, I love you.
	But it's going to be tough.
	You know, money's kind of tight right now.
	And if we go to Mexico, I'm at least going to have to have at least like $6,000 to $7,000.
	It's going to be like at least $2,000 for your plane ticket there from Ukraine to Mexico.
	And then once we get to Mexico, I'm gonna have to pay for the resort and then food.
	It's really gonna be hard for me to be able to pay for that.
	I'll tell you what I do.
	I'm gonna work harder.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	And I'm going to, I don't know, I'm just gonna just start going to work early.
	I'm gonna start doing whatever I need to do.
	Problem solving.
	I'll figure something out, babe.
	All right?
	Throw money at the problem.
	You're a real man, and I love you, and I really care about you.
	He's human socially.
	And, you know, you're everything to me, and I just can't give up.
	So I figured it out, baby.
	So I love you.
	I know, baby, so I love you for a real man, you know.
	And I love you for it.
	Okay, babe.
	All right.
	If he's a real man, then man is over.
	And if man is over, then mankind is over.
	in other words viewers we just saw the beginning of the apocalypse Let's do some Crown World shit.
	I got a lot.
	Oh, but you know what?
	Let's look up that website.
	What website?
	Anastasia.
	Oh, yes.
	Anastasia.
	I like it because it sounds like Asia, and I want a beautiful Asian wife.
	No.
	Anastasia Ukraine.
	What should I say, wife?
	Anastasia Date.
	Oh, here we go.
	Anastasia Ukraine.
	Anastasia Date.
	I am a man seeking a woman.
	My name is Ryan Rivera.
	Best note.
	My email is Ryan.
	What's your email now?
	At free speech.tv.
	Well, my name is Gavin.
	Hey, Kinnis.
	At free speech.tv.
	Email.
	Password.
	Of course, I'll use my usual password, which is hullabaloo or the O's or zeros.
	I'll go with the same.
	Find my matches and save that password, please.
	Sonia.
	I'm going to find my matches.
	30.
	So I bet this is what they do.
	I bet you take a chick, a hot chick, right?
	Pay her $200 and she records, hi, baby.
	Hi, I love you.
	No, no, no, because she keeps doing it.
	Yeah, no, no, no.
	So she does that.
	She poses with a blank piece of paper, holding flowers and stuff.
	And then when he's doing all that, hi, I miss you.
	It's just like some housewife.
	Some like fat 60-year-old housewife is like, maybe we should go to Mexico sometime.
	Wouldn't he realize that she's still on the site too and still available?
	It's like, you want to change that?
	Hey, notice you were still soliciting.
	You have a boyfriend?
	Her name was Maria.
	Let's see if we could find her.
	Find us, bitch.
	They're all pretty hot.
	They're all identical.
	Angela's old, 43?
	I can get a 43-year-old in Manhattan, bitch.
	Who do I like best?
	I don't think I could marry a woman with an accent.
	Like, imagine you're in bed after 15 years with a woman.
	She's like, so are you going to take your son to basketball?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Can you shut up?
	Stop massacring the English language every time you open your fucking mouth.
	Oh, Natalia.
	Who do I like here?
	I'm actually seriously looking for a mate now.
	Oh, it's a feud dog.
	This might be the same Maria.
	Oh, Natalia.
	I like her.
	You think you found her?
	No, no, no,'cause she's 27 and the other one was 28.
	Well, they don't save your spot when you're This isn't a very good programming.
	Are you showing the girls?
	Your site looks totally different than mine.
	Look at mine.
	Oh, yeah, yours is bigger and maybe ad-blocked.
	And I'm also on the Brave browser.
	Oh, I'm on Chrome.
	Yeah, I'm on the Brief.
	Why am I on Chrome?
	Okay, so I've found one I liked.
	There's just infinite girls here.
	There's too many.
	Yeah, there's millions.
	It's making women seem disposable and interchangeable.
	Okay, I found one I like.
	You want to type in her profile?
	Sure.
	What's her profile number?
	205-2285.
	205-2285.
	Melt her heart.
	Send flowers.
	I don't want to melt her heart.
	She'd be dead.
	Live chat.
	Cam Share.
	Ooh, Cam Share.
	She kind of looks like Kenny Power's girlfriend.
	El Keeny.
	Remember from the channel?
	I want to cam share.
	Right now?
	Level of English fluent.
	Other languages?
	No.
	Yeah, right.
	Switch my video on.
	Adobe Flash Players blocked.
	Anyway, you're kidding.
	We should try to set something up with that.
	I'm willing to spend $150.
	I'll put up $20.
	Okay, let's go up to $200 and we'll see all the bullshit they must do.
	Because I bet we'll buy them flowers for like $200.
	And then I bet you would get email after email.
	Hey, my husband, why are you...
	I haven't heard from you for a long time.
	I'm missing you, my husband.
	The chat costs money just to chat with him.
	What a fucking loser.
	Yeah.
	Do you think he masturbates?
	Like, he's sort of underneath going.
	So maybe we can go to Mexico?
	Why are you shaking?
	I have...
	I think he has Parkinson's.
	He is always shaking.
	So sad.
	He sends me 40,000 though.
	She doesn't feel anything.
	All right, let's catch up on some Clown World stuff really quickly.
	I was talking about Michael Jackson earlier, wasn't I?
	Yeah.
	Well, I can't remember.
	Yeah, the part.
	Because he wouldn't want to.
	Johnny Depp is so desperate after his divorce, this is 1-4, that he's Making a musical about OJ's glove.
	No, just kidding.
	It's Michael Jackson as told from his fucking glove for the love of a glove.
	An unauthorized musical fable about the life of Michael Jackson as told by his glove is being produced by actor Johnny Depp, launching in Los Angeles in January.
	Johnny Depp, you just keep getting worse and worse and worse.
	You fucking loser.
	You dumped your beautiful wife because you thought she was getting old, right?
	What was her name?
	Amber Heard.
	No, dumbass.
	Oh, God, you're stupid.
	He thinks Amber Heard's getting old?
	Maybe.
	Maybe he likes him very young.
	Nobody knows.
	She's 24.
	Oh.
	Or something like that.
	No, his previous wife was like a famous French icon.
	Everyone loved her.
	What the hell was her name?
	Come on, Ryan, please.
	I'm Googling.
	No, that's not her.
	Look how fast this takes me.
	Johnny Depp first wife is Winona.
	Jennifer Gray.
	And there's Sherilyn Finn.
	Wait a minute.
	Winona Ryder.
	Wait a minute.
	Lorianne Allison that.
	I'm wrong.
	Tracy Lords?
	He was married to Tracy Lords?
	Look, there's a this this people are tuning into the show and just watching us fucking learn about depth.
	You look at shit on the internet.
	That's not good.
	Tally Chanel.
	No.
	Juliet Lewis.
	No.
	Tatiana Patitz.
	No.
	He's had a lot of wives.
	Ellen Barkin.
	Kate Moss.
	Naomi Campbell.
	He has kids with her and shit.
	Vanessa Paris.
	Vanessa Paradis.
	Yeah.
	Finally.
	Jesus.
	She does look a little older.
	Vanessa Paradis, beautiful woman.
	You like a Paradise.
	Of course, she was prettier in her day, but she's older now.
	And he dumped her.
	Even though she has kids.
	And then he hooked up with that chick, Amber Heard.
	Let me just see how old Vanessa Paradis is.
	She's pretty ghoulish.
	Oh, wait, that's a bad picture of her.
	That's a bad picture of anything.
	There, she looks okay there.
	Yeah.
	So sorry, I aged.
	I gave you kids.
	I aged.
	He dumped her for that.
	He got some dumb bitch.
	I did a movie with Amber Heard, actually.
	And she's a child.
	She's an infant.
	And when girls are pretty and young, they have nothing important to say at all.
	If you don't believe me, read Huffington Post or BuzzFeed.
	Kissing scene with her?
	No, I was her boyfriend that she had just dumped.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	Yeah.
	And so, yeah, there we are.
	He dumped her.
	He got his Yayas out, fucked a hot chick, and then the chick started talking, and he realized, oh my God, what have I done?
	And he couldn't get Vanessa back, and that was the end of that.
	So now he's divorced, hating life, drinking himself to death, and producing for the love of the glove.
	The moral of the story here, folks, is don't get divorced.
	Also in Clown World, Alyssa Milano doesn't understand that when people cross the border illegally, they have to wait somewhere while we process their trial or else you don't have borders.
	She wants a world without borders.
	And I would just love for someone to set up a computer simulation where we can see exactly how that would play out.
	So when she doesn't get a borderless America, Or are all borders in the world abolished?
	Does the Vatican get a wall now?
	Maybe it's just America.
	Just America?
	Okay.
	Because Canada gets away with it.
	You know what America will become if there's no borders?
	A fucking toilet.
	It'll become a dumpster.
	It'll become where all human garbage of the world is tossed asunder.
	Not the shining light on the hill.
	We are destroying children's lives because of fucking arbitrary lines in the sand.
	Borders are arbitrary lines in the sand.
	It's the history of all civilization.
	We can't let this be the normal because it's not what this country is founded on.
	This is not innately who we are as human beings.
	We've got to take inventory of this.
	What?
	Of what's happening.
	Take inventory of this?
	What's happening?
	Humanitarian crisis at the border.
	We are destroying children's life.
	Phew.
	Isn't it draining?
	Where do you start?
	Yeah, where do you start with that one?
	It's like when your girlfriend is acting like a lunatic, you just feel so drained.
	You want to just take a nap.
	It's like, I can't begin to approach that.
	Also in Clown World, remember this British police chief?
	This is 1.5, who had the stupidest fucking hair in the world, clearly an affirmative action hire, clearly a lesbian.
	And yeah, when that is your hairdo, you dumb dyke, that's going to get mocked.
	Oh, so she was rightfully ridiculed.
	And she's decided that's way too mean.
	Imagine, this is a cop.
	This is the chief of police in your town.
	This is higher than all the cops.
	All the cops have to answer to her.
	You're not going to.
	This is London.
	Remember London, the bobby?
	Hello, governor.
	Hello, hello.
	Oh, it's the coppas with their little hat on and their billy clubs.
	They were scary.
	Not anymore.
	Look at her.
	Like that first one isn't the first, no, that's not Photoshop.
	That's her fucking hair.
	What'd you think we were going to do?
	Deputy Chief Constable Rachel Swan left Twitter earlier this year after facing hairstyle abuse over her spiky frosted tips hairstyle and reported the insults she received as a hate crime.
	Wait a minute.
	Was she fire?
	Did she quit Twitter or she quit her job?
	The situation here at Whaley Bridge.
	We've just had a community meeting, a public meeting, where I've given an update.
	As you can tell if you've been looking at the reservoir, the water level continues to reduce and we will continue to pump as much water out as we can.
	Quit Twitter, a big deal.
	The good news that I was able to.
	But reporting as a hate crime is still big clown world.
	Okay, here's my favorite story, though, of Clown World: tanning your taint.
	Now, there is this thing that happens when people are out in the sun.
	They feel good.
	It's warm to be out in the sun.
	And when the sun is on your body, you go, hmm, that feels nice.
	And there are physical benefits from that.
	You get vitamin D from the sun.
	What doesn't happen is photosynthesis.
	And in our world of anti-education, people feel that goodness from the sun and they go, you know what?
	That's more than just feeling good.
	That's actually giving me nutrients and improving my life.
	I should get this same process to happen on my taint.
	Perennium sunning.
	Latest insanity by wellness influencers.
	If this is a joke, if this is a prank, these guys deserve the Nobel Prank Prize.
	You guys are 10 seconds in.
	How does it feel?
	Either touching feet or no?
	How does it feel?
	It's warm.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And when it's breezy, I feel a breeze.
	It's skin.
	Perennium sunning.
	We're sunning your butthole.
	Medical professionals claim there's no evidence of the trends being able to provide any natural benefits.
	It sounds like a case of haterade to me.
	Yeah, don't sunburn your taint.
	I think I sunburned my dick once and it was crippling.
	It was really, really painful.
	What is that, a kid?
	I think it's just a dumb lady.
	What?
	Is that a woman?
	Women don't have taints, do they?
	Yeah, they got a very small amount of taint.
	They have like a quarter inch of taint?
	About, yeah.
	It's actually just a ridge.
	This show had a sketch about a taint star.
	He was a porn actor and he was known for his taint.
	He had the nicest taint in the business.
	Mr. Taint.
	So they're not the first guys to think that the sun has some magic.
	Is that it?
	Jay Johnson, possibly the funniest guy in the universe.
	What are you showing me?
	This has nothing to do with taints.
	It says Mr. Show Taint.
	Oh, it's probably the episode in there.
	All right.
	So there was a sun god named Hira Ratan Manik.
	This is 1.9.
	And he convinced his followers that not just your taint benefits from the sun, but your entire digestive system.
	This is 1.8.
	Okay.
	And he encouraged people not to eat and just breathe and take in the sun.
	They are called their breatherians.
	I've heard of these guys.
	And this guy would regularly get caught pigging out on air?
	Nope.
	Food.
	Food.
	In fact, if you scroll down, they did a whole documentary on him.
	Yeah, there he is at a restaurant chowing down.
	Just hanging out here.
	In San Francisco, I would have just a bit of Baba Ganoush and a bit of Djibouti.
	Look, there he is.
	Whoopsie.
	Just munching away.
	I don't need to see that documentary, though.
	I don't need to see an expose on the Breatherians.
	This thing that sounds like it's full of shit, it's sexually full of shit.
	You mean it doesn't work?
	There was a woman in Sweden who starved herself to death.
	A Breatherian.
	Terrible.
	That's number one seven.
	Hell of a clown world list today, huh?
	Yeah, that's a long song.
	Somebody starves to death in spiritual quest to live on sunlight alone.
	Like, talk about the Darwin Awards.
	What a fucking loser.
	What is with the Swedes?
	Sunlight doesn't taste like anything.
	Remember, in my day, it was Florida Man.
	In fact, the cover of New York Magazine, the title was What's With Florida?
	And it had a big map of Florida and all the bullshit that happens there.
	You can look up your birthday and Florida Man.
	It'll be something crazy.
	I think that's changed.
	I think now it's Sweden.
	What's with Sweden?
	Sweden are the new freaks.
	Okay, last piece of Clown World news.
	And this is very serious.
	This is when Clown World ceases to be funny and gets dangerous, when kids are involved.
	19.
	School principal Stephanie Hodgkins defended the decision to invite Adonis.
	That's Adonis.
	By the way, that's just a mentally ill gay.
	Like, I feel like I know him.
	To invite Adonis after parents complained, but English teacher Anthony Lane went further, suggesting that parents should submit to the will of the community when it comes to raising their own kids.
	And of course, when they say community, they don't mean other parents and Christians and people with traditions in mind.
	They mean Twitter.
	They mean HuffPo.
	They mean loser liberal nutbar Marxist fuckheads.
	And then he went on to say, I believe that raising a child is the responsibility of the community and that parents should not have the final say, said Lane in response to the controversy.
	Let's be honest.
	Some of you don't know what is best for your kids.
	Does that sum it up or what?
	Is that Adonis?
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	This is who should be looking after my children and showing.
	Like, if that was a woman, I don't want my daughter watching that.
	Right.
	You know what I mean?
	Right.
	You don't even have to get to the gay shit.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	She's a whore.
	Adonis is a slut.
	But this goes back to the thing we were talking about last week, Coach D. Remember him?
	Yep.
	He sees his niece drunk at school, so he calls his sister, the girl's mother, and says, you got to get in here and get your daughter.
	He gets fired because the school should handle that drunk girl, not the mother.
	They don't want to help your kids.
	They don't want to educate your kids.
	They want to control your kids because they want to control you.
	The modern left are Bolsheviks and all they care about is power.
	That's why you have Jews crapping on Israel.
	That's why you have them turn on a dime when it comes to Syria.
	No more war.
	Okay, Trump's getting out the troops.
	What?
	What about the Kurds?
	I love war now.
	I'll do anything to win.
	I'll take over your kids.
	They want school.
	They feed our kids lunch.
	School lunches aren't just for poor kids.
	Everyone has them now.
	They want to handle breakfast.
	De Blasio wants to keep kids there till 6.30.
	And what do they do?
	They barely play.
	Some lunch breaks are 20 minutes of playtime outside.
	And they sit in these constraining little chairs.
	Sometimes the desk is connected to the chair.
	They're in this little fucking box.
	And they sit there and get indoctrinated.
	School is child abuse.
	And the state, the nanny state, is more than just inconvenient and irritating.
	They are a threat to our family and a threat to American society.
	This should freak you out.
	Let's be honest.
	Some of you don't know what is best for your kids.
	That is fucking huge.
	Adonis website could afford to be a little more user-friendly.
	You know what I mean?
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, of course.
	I mean, you know.
	All right, we're out of time.
	But earlier I was talking about when a woman loses control.
	What's this?
	Drag Queen Antichrist?
	Yeah, by the way, did you see this?
	These Drag Queen Story Hour people keep turning out to be pedophiles, by the way, and sex offenders.
	with this this Christian dude that's This was in Canada, I believe.
	And he quotes Matthew that says, if you try to like, you know, brainwash your kids, basically, then you're going to burn in hell.
	Look at her lesbian haircut.
	They always say that.
	Go home.
	Yeah, why are there children?
	I really don't get it.
	They want curfews.
	Go home.
	Get back inside.
	Stay indoors.
	Antichrist.
	That's nice.
	And it just looks like a thrill.
	That's what it comes down to, really, doesn't it?
	They are.
	They hate Christians.
	They hate tradition.
	They hate families.
	They hate your kids.
	God thinks drag queens are fabulous.
	They don't love kids.
	Drag queens are not into kids.
	Talk to gays about kids.
	They'll go, wait, what?
	Oh, yeah, whatever.
	They're great.
	They're cute.
	That's a little more.
	Get them out of here.
	They're ruining my flight.
	I'm trying to go to Abiza.
	Catch up on my blowjohns.
	Abifa.
	So, yeah.
	I was saying that it's disturbing when a man is pathetic, and it's funny when a woman is pathetic.
	I would like to present the final video.
	This woman looking for Mikey is surprisingly, I don't know, satisfying?
	Why do I like this video so much?
	It's sort of like shooting a musket.
	I just feel good seeing this woman because I know she'll be okay.
	It seems like a Lost Tarantino movie.
	God damn it, Mikey.
	What do you want?
	Where's Mikey?
	He's asleep.
	$70 for a dime bag.
	He doesn't want to.
	Dude.
	A dime bag?
	I'll come back at $10.
	Just for pot?
	Fuck it.
	I don't want to make a scene.
	Pot?
	I don't know.
	$70 for a dime bag seems a little nuts.
	Dude, hook me up.
	I don't want to make a fucking scene.
	Well, you already fucking made a big ass scene.
	$70 for a dime is a fucking deal.
	I'll be back at four to pick it up.
	He doesn't want to.
	Dude, fucking tell him.
	Already fucking told her no.
	Tell him again.
	He fucking said no.
	Make him say yes.
	How the fuck do I tell her?
	Mikey!
	Mikey!
	She moves her jaw when she's Mikey.
	I can't.
	Oh my god.
	Just leave.
	Just go somewhere else.
	This is a lot of willpower for this guy not to ask for sexual favors.
	I fucking swear.
	Or just slam the door.
	You got balls.
	Come on, man.
	I'm sweating my balls off, she says.
	He's asleep, and there's a fucking kid asleep, too.
	Well, god damn it.
	70 for a dime, Mike.
	Come on.
	Mike.
	You're fucking making the scene.
	Just get out of here.
	Dude, fucking call Mikey.
	He's asleep.
	He's not asleep.
	We're just talking to him.
	But you was asleep when you were talking to him.
	Mike!
	Wake him up.
	Ken, just leave.
	He's not.
	The answer is no.
	Yes, 74 dime.
	It's the only place you can go.
	There's other people.
	I used to love doing that to Cokeheads in New York.
	They go, hey, man, you got any Coke?
	And I go, oh, yeah, yeah, I got plenty.
	Why?
	Oh, fuck.
	We ran out like two hours ago and no one's calling us back.
	Oh, yeah, I got tons of Coke.
	What do you guys want?
	Each one a bump?
	Yeah, fuck.
	Finally, fucking this is awesome, dude.
	They get all their hopes up.
	And then we go into the bathroom.
	I'm like, okay, did you got a key?
	Yeah, hey, I got a key.
	I'm ready.
	I'm ready.
	And I go, oh, wait, I don't have Coke.
	Sorry.
	Oh, my God.
	You're the worst person I've ever met.
	Dude.
	And then they'd make it unethical.
	That's really fucked up what you did.
	Because what if my body was going through withdrawals and that was what I needed to just stay alive?
	You basically raped me.
	Yeah.
	No, you did.
	You go, all right, I raped you.
	Call the cops.
	But I didn't have Coke.
	Officer, this is going to sound kind of weird, but hear me out.
	He said he had Coke and he didn't.
	I know Coke is illegal.
	That's not really what this is about.
	So which one of you were looking for the Coke that he didn't have?
	I. All right.
	No, I understand.
	And how high were your hopes?
	Dude, they're like in the clouds.
	I had already done it in my head.
	Which cloud?
	There's a couple there.
	There's a low-hanging cloud right there.
	So very, very, well, I'm going to write very, very high hopes.
	Okay.
	And then he, and he also said, sorry with W's, like Sawi.
	Okay, that's.
	Did he shrug?
	We'll handle this, ma'am.
	How far did you walk from where he promised it and where you were going to do it?
	You know what I would do to her?
	I'd say, okay, you know what?
	You pushed and you pushed, and you're right.
	I'm going to go get Mikey, and we're going to do the deal.
	$70 for a just kidding, click.
	Or you pretend, you'd be like, all right, let me ask him.
	And you close the door and then you open it right back up.
	He said no.
	He fucking won't.
	Dude, you don't wake him up.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	He should do that.
	You should go.
	Okay, I'll ask him.
	Click.
	He said no.
	GG, dude.
	Come on.
	Fucking dude, those quick.
	Okay, I'll ask again.
	Click.
	Yeah, he said no again.
	And he actually also said, then say something that's way too late, that was longer than the duration of the door closing.
	Yeah.
	He also said, remember that one time?
	He said, well, he also said in the future, he is into this concept and getting good at it, if you will.
	$70 for a dime sounds pretty good.
	No, let's see the rest of it.
	Then being good at it, if you will.
	Gotta get fast with those.
	Send them to people at HEB or somewhere.
	Hi, no, come on.
	Come on.
	Ken.
	Fuck.
	It's hot.
	Come on.
	Wake him up.
	You're a drug addict.
	There's already people watching.
	Just go.
	She got one thing on her mind.
	Fucking Mikey.
	Damn, you're fucking making a scene.
	That's why.
	Because I want my shit.
	I want to get the fuck out of here.
	I don't want to drive around.
	Oh, shit.
	Get the fuck out of here.
	He said he was going to do it earlier.
	And I get here and now he doesn't want to.
	That's bullshit.
	Mike!
	Mike!
	He's fucking making the scene.
	Just like you're going to get me.
	Just fucking call him.
	He's fucking a scene.
	Mikey!
	I'm going to fucking call my mama.
	Hey, relative named Mike.
	I'm going to make this his outgoing message.
	No.
	Mikey!
	Shut the fuck up and leave.
	Especially when you twist the jaw, it helps.
	Mikey!
	God damn it.
	God damn it!
	Go to sleep!
	I think it's Coke.
	That's why she has a credit card.
	Oh.
	Come on, Willie.
	Yeah.
	For a dime, 70?
	Okay.
	Makes sense.
	Come on, Mikey.
	Oh, my God.
	He said to do it.
	That's what you need to do for the fucking video.
	These videos always end too soon.
	I want to see her outside.
	I want to see her looking around.
	Yeah.
	Oh, man.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.

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