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Nov. 8, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:00:22
GOML LIVE #20 | ATTACKED BY WATER
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Gavin.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Rod with Gavin McInnes.
Fake Louis Vuitton bag, but real Gucci sneakers.
Look at these puppies.
I just realized I have $1,000 shoes.
I have Milo's.
What do you mean you have Miles?
I have Milo's Louis Vuitton Air Jordan 1 looking things.
Why?
Because I had to...
He paid you $25 to pack his bags.
Yep.
The big bucks.
And why do you have his shoes?
Well, I forgot to give them to him, but that's okay because tomorrow pull them out.
Milu and I. Let's see.
All right, let me grab them.
I have them in the little Fourier area.
We have some terrible news, folks.
Roger Stone has been sentenced to the death penalty.
What the fuck?
No, we have some terrible news.
We shot a show in DC.
We just got back from D.C. right now.
And the audio is unusable.
It's terrible.
Put your Louis Vuitton bag up next to mine.
I love that song.
Thank you.
So your Japanese dad told you that your bag is fake.
Okay.
What are these now?
These are fancy.
I like these.
Not as much as my Gucci's, but I like them.
Yeah, like a...
Why would you put his shoes in your bag?
There was just no room, and I didn't want to squish him in the briefcase, in his suitcase.
Part of the deal with the $25 was to pack his bag.
Now he gets his stuff back?
Not to spread his stuff around various people's luggage.
The thing is, he received some gifts while he was there.
A fan tracked him down and gave him a big old box of stuff.
So he wound up leaving with more stuff that he came there with.
So there was less room in there.
Yeah, that's what $25 was for, Ryan.
This is why I'm mad at you for the audio not working.
You're paid to do a job.
That's a good point.
I mean, I improvised.
Did you improvise the show with Milo by having shitty sound?
Well, Milo's audio was good.
But your mic, something...
Right.
Well, I did learn a lot from the first two episodes, and I corrected a lot of mistakes, but this third one was quite bad.
You day drank?
Yeah, I didn't want to.
You pressured me into doing that.
You should day drink.
A man should be able to have a couple beers at lunch.
But I cannot.
You saw my face.
Remember?
Yeah, that's not right.
Yeah, I'm Japanese.
Fix it.
I don't think that I could be fixed.
Speaking of Japanese, your dad told you that your bag is fake.
Look at this.
You see the way this is cracking here?
This is a fake bag.
This cost me $40 on the streets of New York.
You can feel the leather.
It's thin.
This is a $40 bag.
Your dad told you this was...
His exact words were, I was like, wow, dad, thank you so much.
You know, I appreciate this gift.
And he said, don't worry about it.
It's fake.
He did that.
What did he say about your mom?
Oh, he said, your mother, not very smart.
She has no brain, but all heart.
She's a very, very sweet person.
I think your dad was lying.
I think he thinks so little of you that he was worried you would sell this.
Because this is like high-quality leather.
This is a real Louis Vuitton bag.
You know, Milo did say that, too.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he was like, no, that looks real.
He's a snob about that kind of stuff.
You can tell mine's fake by the way it deteriorates.
But he also said there's very convincing ones.
So.
Well, when it gets to the point where they're very convincing, you got to do it.
Then might as well, yeah.
What are we doing here?
So yeah, we have a terrible show for you today that involves Miles and I at a hotel.
We went to a pub Called the Alibi next to the courthouse, where we were investigating Roger Stone, sitting there through the pedantic trial, watching them go over the timeline.
Is that on the timeline, Michelle Taylor?
Michelle Taylor is this FBI agent who retired 14 years into her career, never heard of that before, became a consultant, and she's here to tell you all about Roger Stone.
Asian women seem to be really biased against him.
The head of the investigation was this woman, Rhee, R-H-E-E, who ran the FBI investigation.
This is Hillary Clinton's personal attorney.
The reason Roger Stone is in court this week, the next two weeks, is he blasphemed the Clintons, and we live in a monarchy, and you don't say shitty things about the queen.
He's the sex pistols.
They did God save the queen, and he's being persecuted for that.
And Asian women seem to be a large part of the war against him.
So today in the trial, it was just more of him saying that he wants Hillary's emails to be leaked, and then Hillary's emails being leaked right after.
Okay.
Like, I'm fine.
If I was the judge, I would say, I don't need to hear the defense.
I'll take the prosecution's case at face value.
Yes.
Guilty.
Guilty is charged.
$1,200 fine.
Smash the gavel.
Done.
Anyway, we were discussing this.
We're trying to live stream at Alibi, and an internet whore who sells her pictures online, nude pictures of herself, a piece of human garbage, poured water on us.
This is a clip of it.
If you're wondering why we look like wet cats, it's because we are cats, and we are wet.
Somebody just ran past her.
Fuck you!
A grumpy feminist just poured drinks on us.
We managed to get her back.
She's still yelling at us.
She was still going.
Do you actually quite like my hair like this?
I think I look kind of fresh and youthful.
But you've got a little moisture.
there for about 20 minutes they were listening to us no it was like they were there they had they were there for the full half an hour.
And then as they walked out, She said, you should be ashamed of yourself.
And then she screamed, kill yourself.
Kill yourself.
That hurt.
I'm not going to comply.
You know what's great about suits, though?
I'm not going to comply.
I just got that.
It's tropical lightweight wool, but it's.
The water dry.
It's moisture-wicky.
Now, if I was wearing a woolly sweater, I'd actually be upset.
But I think I look moist and musical.
Moist and musical.
Great band.
At the end of it, you could hear the woman saying, is everything all right?
You want me to make a report?
You want to call the police?
They bought us a bunch of booze.
A lot of booze.
Which, with your red cheeks, was not helping things.
Yes, which is why today's show sucks, because I got an Asian drunk.
That's a good point.
I take full responsibility.
I do apologize.
I wish there was some way that I could monitor the audio, and in the future, I will learn from that.
Okay.
Frankly.
I had to learn a lot of things.
No, we need a totally different audio system.
This stupid recording into your phone shit does not work.
We need Zooms.
We need labs.
We might need two Zooms.
Two Zooms.
What?
Why can't you have one Zoom with two labs plugged into it?
For instance, yesterday's episode or Wednesday's episode was really, I thought it was really good.
Interviews were great.
A lot of stuff happening there.
We throw away these little clips in between.
So that interview wouldn't have been able to have happened that way.
You would have had wires connecting to this one Zoom in the middle of you, either on a small table.
Yeah, it would have worked fine.
What are you talking about?
We were all two feet from each other.
All those interviews.
So one of you would have a, think about it, a wire running from you to another person's pocket or something.
Correct.
Okay.
If that's not unnecessary.
If the finger's on the ground, whatever.
It wouldn't reach the ground.
It wouldn't reach the ground.
That's the thing.
I'm trying to get a little bit of a turn.
I got a finger in my pocket.
At least we got audio.
All that matters in anything is audio.
That's true.
Video is irrelevant.
Well, yeah, yeah.
We're preparing you for a terrible show, folks.
You want to do the live reads now or do you want to let the Milo ones happen?
Anyway, that woman poured water on us, and then I'm sitting there with a giant Guinness in my hand.
You know that's going on you, right?
Not a thoughtful person.
That's how it works.
I don't know if you ever had a sibling before, but if someone gives you a Charlie horse, you give them a Charlie horse.
So I drenched her in Guinness, covered her in brown ale.
I wish I saw it.
I was in the bathroom.
She got really mad and she just started screaming, fuck you!
Fucking kill yourself.
Which I saw Will Sommer at the courthouse and I said, hey, Will, how's fighting hate going?
And he goes, unfortunately, there's a lot.
There's a lot of it.
And I walked over to him and I said, I just find it strange that your job is fighting hate, right?
But you've chosen like white nationalism, which is a very esoteric group of people.
In fact, Milo got served a subpoena because he has that Richard Spencer footage.
And on it, they had a list.
On his subpoena, they had a list of everyone they were suing for Charlottesville.
And I'm looking at this list, and I'm thinking, yeah, that's pretty much every racist in America.
You want to keep talking?
I'll hold it up.
Ew, I just said hold.
There you go.
Jason Kessler, Richard Spencer, Christopher Kid.
Well, I'm looking at this list and I'm going, yeah, that's pretty much all of them.
So imagine devoting your life, as Will Summer and Christopher Matthias and Andy Campbell and Charitable.
They're devoted to catching these 13 bad guys.
And I said, why wouldn't you focus on Islamic hate or the black Hebrew Israelites or a different group that has hate?
And he goes, well, everyone has their beat.
Now, I didn't say this.
I thought of this later.
But I should have said, What about the Aryan Brotherhood?
Like, what about these bona fide white power gangs that run prisons?
If you're so concerned, if this is such a scourge, then why are you not focused on them?
Anyway, he said, we all have our beats, you know.
I go, okay, so you've chosen this esoteric sliver beat.
And I said, it's not about that.
Well, it's because you're a fucking pussy.
And he ran away.
He said, all right, Gavin.
And he stormed away with his, he's kind of like duck-footed.
He's waddly.
He waddles away with his little brown cords.
He's a diminutive little man.
And we know what this is really about, ultimately.
All these guys fighting Nazis don't really care about hate.
They care about masculinity and they resent masculinity.
So they purport to be about preventing fascism.
But to them, fascism is the guy who wedgied them in high school.
They're not really about fighting hate at all.
It just sounds good.
And it might get them a little tiny bit of pussy.
It might get these pussies some pussy.
These lesbians some scissoring.
But obviously, if they were concerned about hate, they would investigate Islam.
They'd investigate bona fide white power groups.
They don't.
They find someone who said the N-word when they were drunk 10 years ago.
Why do they do that?
Because they want to ruin lives.
They want to get people fired.
Why do they want to get people fired?
They're vindictive cunts.
Not unlike the judge in Roger Stone's trial.
She's a vindictive cunt.
She subpoenaed Jacob Engels, who we saw today.
Oh, Jacob Engels.
Yeah, we were with him outside today.
He's banned from the courtroom.
As of last night, or, you know, the night before.
Because he pointed out that one of the jurors they got has a husband in the DOJ.
Mrs. Kangaroo, Mrs. Star Chamber, is allowing to be jurors.
She is allowing an Obama-era White House communications director to be a juror whose husband works in the deep state intelligence community.
Everyone needs to be there.
Everyone go support Roger because this is bigger than Roger Stone now.
They are literally railroading him.
I've never.
And it's confirmed that it's the former Obama communications director will lead the jury.
She'll probably make her the foreman.
And then the two Republicans, I don't think there's enough spotlight on the fact that only two Republicans got nixed from the thing.
And one of them was like an old lady.
And so the judge's defense with that allegation and why she banned Jacob, who we just saw, who was wearing sunglasses, I think because he has a wandering eye.
If I had a wandering eye, I would wear an eye patch.
And a mohawk.
The sunglasses, you called his hair a mohawk.
That was infuriating.
I know.
How is that a mohawk?
How do you not know what a mohawk is?
I don't know.
Anyway, her contention is, hey, Jacob, you're banned from the courtroom.
I didn't allow that juror.
Yeah, I know you didn't allow that juror because we all freaked out and wouldn't shut up about it.
This is why we need free speech.
This is why we have to keep talking because judges go any way the wind blows.
All they care about is their reputation.
They don't care about justice.
They don't care about getting the bad guy and putting him in prison.
They care about their career, their reputation.
The reason that, what's his name, Mark Dwyer, put John of Max in prison for four years was to kiss Cuomo's ass.
And that will help his career.
That was a good move for him.
That bullshit he said about how this reminds me of 1930s Europe.
Perfect.
Great.
That's good for your career.
It's bad for justice.
You put two men in prison that didn't deserve to be there, but it's good for your career.
And this judge needs to be exposed.
You need to talk about her.
You need to talk about Roger Stone.
So when she comes up with the verdict, she will have to weigh her reputation because that's all she cares about.
And the Clintons are pushing her hard to incriminate, to imprison this man.
So we need to be on the other side.
So if you do, you fucking bitch, we will expose you just like we exposed that juror you got whose husband worked in the DOJ and was a fucking Obama administration chief.
When I say chief, I mean douchebag.
So how did they find that out?
Because that happened just the night before.
Overnight, they found out that he was on InfoWars and said that.
So who's I'm surprised?
Is it the judge watching it or are they having a touch?
No, it can't be the judge.
It's Tattletales.
Journalists have become Tattletales.
Remember when Ezra Levant was in Britain with Tommy Robinson?
Oh, yeah.
And Tommy went by near a window, and the people in the street saw him, and they all started cheering.
500 people were cheering.
I was there.
And Ezra filmed it.
And then all the journalists said, that's contempt of court.
He's got his phone out in the old bill, in the old Bailey.
That's illegal.
You can't do that.
So The Guardian and the BBC were complaining that Ezra Levant cheated.
They're tattletales.
They're activists.
They're hall monitors.
That's what journalists are today.
Hall monitors.
Cunts, bitches.
Horrible pieces of shit.
Losers.
And so are judges and so are prosecutors.
The prosecutor in Roger Stone's trial is a HuffPo blogger.
And I noticed Huffington Post, while reporting on this trial, neglected to mention that.
Anyway, what a shit show.
I'm just watching it going.
So what's going on here?
He wanted Julian Assange to release Hillary's emails.
So did I. Should I go to jail?
Isn't it kind of like the majority of the people?
They're hypnotizing People into thinking that it's about this instead of what it's actually about.
Yeah.
It's like droning hypnosis.
I was sitting there.
We were talking about that earlier.
It's like Ryan was accused of rape, and we want to make it clear that rape is bad.
And then you have a bunch of PowerPoints about rape and how horrible it is.
And you show that, you know, 3,000 women get raped a day or something like that.
And then you have a picture of a woman who's just been raped.
Now, you haven't proved that Ryan's a rapist, but you've been talking about Ryan and rape for the past hour, and it's just getting in the jury's heads.
That's what was going on today.
Michelle Taylor, this retired FBI agent, just going over the fact that he has appeared on shows.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
I think we've covered it.
Did Jacob English get punched in the face today?
Where did you find that?
Oh, yeah, I just heard about that.
I'm trying to look for it, but I can't find it.
By the way, somebody says, we were at the alibi today with you.
I think Schlane Irish Whiskey was your favorite.
Was that a normal day for you guys?
Whiskey, then weirdness?
That's weird.
Was that the bartender?
People are out there.
That must be the bartender.
I don't know, but they were fans.
They came up to be like, hey, big fan, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And unfortunately, they did pick Milo over you.
That hurts.
Oh, there was a black bartender who after we got drenched, he said, you know, this is actually kind of good because I'm a big fan of you, Milo, and I wouldn't have been able to talk to you if we didn't have this segue.
They're very pro.
They're pro, though.
They're very nice.
I gotta say, suits seem to be designed for drenchings.
Oh, yeah.
Because it was water and we had some cloth.
We went like that.
I was fine in 30 seconds.
Literally, you went, yeah, on the tape, it was literally like about 15 minutes after this happened and you're dry.
My cotton shirt absorbed some.
God bless your cotton shirt.
This just choop, choop, choop, you're done.
Milo's been hitting me with water this entire vacation.
I said.
Vacation.
Wow.
That explains a lot.
That explains a lot.
Anything that's away from home is a vacation.
Like, in the Bronx, you go to Seatown, that's a vacation.
Okay.
That's a lie.
I just made that up.
But he would, yeah, drench me with water.
And then I was really upset because this is my only dress shirt.
And it did dry in 20 seconds.
I only brought one pair of underwear that entire four days.
What happened to him?
I peeked them.
And so I couldn't wear them again.
Wearing, you know, even if you dry the pee, you have, it smells like pee.
Can we be transparent about the hotel situation?
Sure.
Okay, because last night I was working on the episode until super late.
I had the option.
I fell asleep waiting for it to export.
And then I wake up knowing that maybe you might be kind of a there might be a chance that your bed's wet for whatever reason.
Whether or not you want to go into that, I'm not ashamed.
I have nothing to hide.
I wet the bed Tuesday night and last night.
Okay.
And you couldn't crawl into bed with me.
I'm so cheap that I made all three of us stay in one hotel room.
For one night.
For one night.
To be fair.
And, well, they also were sold out.
And I was sober enough to organize my clothes and make sure that my suit was hung up.
Then I went to bed nude and pissed the bed.
Right.
So you're just sleeping in a toilet, basically.
Yeah.
It seems freeing.
You know, the hotels, they have to factor this in.
They have a sheet that goes above the mattress that is a non-permeable membrane.
And they have to have the alcoholic caveat.
And they did.
So poor Ryan was in a situation where it was either sleep in bed with a gay man or sleep in bed with a P-man.
G-Man the P-Man.
Yeah.
It was either.
I picked the gay man.
Dicks or what Dicks produced.
So you just snuggled right in with Milo.
Yeah, it wasn't that snuggling, though.
He's a married man.
I would never.
That's why you don't fuck Milo because he's married.
Yeah.
Otherwise, just.
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But we have Milo reading those out, right?
We do, yes.
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So you can bet on the NAACP?
Is that what I said?
You did.
It's been a long day.
That's not what I meant.
I know.
It's been a long day.
We got to go home.
But now I have to know what's going on.
And also, the last train is not too far from here, so we should probably wrap it up.
We're in an empty building with no doorman.
If you want to kill us, now is a good time.
It's always a little creepy.
If you want to pour water on us, this is a good time.
God, she was so mad.
Fuck you.
Yeah.
Fucking kill yourself.
I have the tweet.
In this episode, what you will find, though, is what's it called?
Your reaction to that, you know, which we just showed.
Actually, that kind of spoils it.
But you also see her tweets and all this stuff because she deleted everything because she's a little scared about it.
It's weird that, like, say Mil and I are Satan, evil, horrible human beings who are committing, you know, racism every day.
Aren't you scared of us?
Like, if I was near, if I was having lunch next to El Chapo, I'd be pooping my pants.
I would say, Nana, run!
And then I would throw the thing.
I would pour a drink on El Chapo.
You know what I mean?
So the fact that she's pouring water on us concedes that we're not a genuine threat.
With her granny.
What if I punched you in the face?
Like, what if I grabbed your granny?
I grabbed your granny.
What if I choked out your granny?
That's why they never talk about the Aryan Brotherhood and genuine bad guys is because they don't have the courage.
So they choose these made-up bad guys.
Anyway, yeah, let's go to Miles and I at the hotel and be prepared for some of the worst audio in the history of FreeSpeech.tv.
It's absolutely fucking terrible.
You're going to hate it.
It's a total waste of time.
And I apologize.
I'm sorry, too.
I apologize for Ryan.
It's my fault.
I got an Asian drunk.
It doesn't go well.
And I almost got fired, and I did get in trouble, and I was brave, and I didn't stop fighting.
I was brave.
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Hello folks, welcome to Get Off My Lawn.
We are here in DC.
We are hiding out in our hotel because we're petrified of young men.
Literally shaking.
We're scared of girls throwing stuff at us.
So we ran here in tears.
We were just at a bar called The Alibi next to the courthouse.
You gotta get off your phone if we're on TV.
I'm very uninterested in everything you're saying.
If you're more interesting, I'll put it down.
Ooh, that's a challenge.
We were at a bar called The Alibi next to the courthouse.
lady poured water on us.
We've since...
I threw a pint of Guinness on her.
And she said, go fuck yourself.
She's also said, kill yourself.
If you're wondering why we look like wet cats, it's because we are cats and we are wet.
Somebody just ran past it.
Fuck you!
A grumpy feminist just poured drinks on us.
We managed to get her back.
She's literally watering.
She's still yelling at us.
She's from a quarter mile away.
Do you know I actually quite like my hair like this?
I think I look kind of fresh and youthful.
But she's got a little moisture.
She's been there for about 20 minutes.
No, it was like, they were there for a full half an hour.
And then as they walked out, and only with water, which is so lame.
She said, you should be ashamed of yourself.
And then she screamed, kill yourself.
Kill yourself.
That hurt.
I'm not going to comply.
You know what's great about suits, though?
Everything just white soft.
It's tropical lightweight wool, but the water is dry.
It's moisture wicked.
Now, if I was wearing a woolly sweater, I'd actually be upset.
But I think I look moist and look fine.
Do you guys want to make a report?
Do you want me to call a cop?
And we've since looked her up, and I think she is, she sort of personifies a young millennial in stock.
She's posted about dead cops being the only good cops.
Sure.
She has, well, we'll flash up the screen show, I think.
No, you're so cool with the sunny lights.
So hang out with the pie.
You're not cool with anything.
I don't know about anything.
I mean, you were in the'90s, man.
No.
She sells nudes online, which if her grandmother, who was with her at lunch today, didn't know before, she will by the end of the day.
She sells nudes online.
She is, as you correctly say, the archetype, the epitome of an ethan.
And do you know what?
I'm in two minds about pressing charges.
Because on the one hand, I want these people to suffer.
And just for the sheer vindictive pleasure of it, I mean, we deserve to...
But on the other hand, isn't she going to punish herself enough?
It's not my cup of tea to do that level of petty lawfare, but I get it.
But it's not money.
That's not what lawfare is.
Lawfare is when you can't win on the merits, outspend them in court to make them go away or to destroy their life.
That's lawfare.
What we would be doing is legitimately exercising our rights to justice.
We were assaulted, unprompted, by two women.
We are entitled to insist that they're held for committing assault.
That's not lawfare.
It is a bitch move because the right thing to do would be to punch him in the face.
But we both get deported, so that option is not available to us.
What about if the punishment and the judge decided that her grandmother and her had to give us each a blowjob?
You could have both.
I would consider that fair.
A good blowjob.
I don't want any ET for it.
The girl can obviously give a banger because she spends her entire life, you know, getting $20 here, $40 here.
She's a whore.
She's literally also Greek from the surname.
Oh, yeah.
Imagine assaulting somebody and being so dumb that you leave behind your credit card receipt that has your name on it.
And what is her name?
Elizabeth?
It's Elizabeth Papadopoulos.
How can I mock Greek names?
Why do you guys have such incredibly complicated names?
They're rich.
Theodorocropoul.
Theodorocopoulos.
By the way, it's Tom Hills.
For years and years, Every time I type your name, I have to Google it and then cut and paste it.
Imagine being me.
Could you spell that for me?
Nope.
Elizabeth Pappillardo.
Appalardo.
Pappillardo.
Now, what I find interesting about all this is she hates us.
Let's go big picture here because we're trad Catholic conservatives who think that women would be better off with families than whatever they have.
And what's she doing?
She's online selling nudes, guaranteeing that she'll be alone and miserable forever.
In about six years, she'll be a blogger for Walcat.
You know what it's exactly like?
It's exactly like fat people pouring drinks on trainers.
On personal trainers?
Yeah.
Because that's what we are.
We're personal trainers for the soul.
You think I'm fat?
Yes.
You'd be much happier with a normal BMI under 200 pounds.
We are personal trainers for the soul.
Yes.
So when you think about it, ideological trainers, you know?
We are creating legions of terror in our minds.
And people with good souls, people in good shape, don't hate personal trainers.
And that black guy who was the boss boy came up to you later.
unfortunately thinks you're have more merit than I do but he said what's the What's the unprompted, unsolicited selfie?
5'4.
It's 5'3.
Fuck you.
5'3 ⁇ .
It is 6'3, because that was number 6.
No, he didn't take a picture.
It doesn't matter.
We have a mutually agreed addendum to the competition, which is if somebody comes up to us and says, I love you guys, and we ask, no pressure, but who do you like more, and whichever one they pick has an extra point.
And he picked me with no hesitation whatsoever.
Doesn't go backwards.
With no hesitation whatsoever.
Let me ask you folks at home.
6-3.
We have a $500 bet.
That owes me $500.
But this bet, and we can show the footage.
Come on, man.
Definitely won that.
I'm the cops guy.
The thing is, while you've had a much longer career, I was, briefly, much more famous than you.
Only for about nine months, but I was.
So, it's going to be very catchy wherever we go.
Very difficult to predict.
Every cop knows who I am.
Don't fucking cop nose who you are!
Evidently not.
Well, we can have a little game while we're here this week if you like.
Yes, let's have a game!
Let's pull a fucking game!
Fine, Byron.
You're curving the copper camp.
I can't solicit it.
Whoever gets the largest number of...
How's that?
Fine.
Good.
I paid myself $500.
One zero.
And then when we get back on the train on Thursday.
Fine.
This vet was created after I had drank half a bottle of bourbon.
Why?
And I'm not saying yes or no.
Do you speak of a vet where someone said half a bottle of bourbon is a legitimate title?
Do you know how ungallant?
I was drinking too, but do you know how ungallant you look?
Do you know how entirely without honor you are?
I'm posing right now.
You're being slippery and slimy and disreputable and dishonest and dishonorable to vote.
Which is why.
Which is why.
No, it's on footage.
We have it on film.
He admitted it.
Which is why, in anticipation of you weaseling out of this like I knew you would, I spent $482 on room surface during this trip.
You're fucking kidding me.
No, no, because I knew I'd win and I knew you'd weasel out of it.
What did you order?
Alcohol, snacks at night.
I had to work hard to spend that much in a place this cheap.
I'm gone snack.
I spent $182.
Yes, because I knew, A, that I would win, and B, that you would be a slippery, disreputable, dishonest cunt about it.
You would try to slip.
You focus weasel your way out of paying to legitimate bet.
This man is cashed in his bet before he won.
No, I wasn't.
I have been winning since the beginning of the bet.
Before you went, the deal watched me to get back to New York.
You've never been ahead of me.
No.
Again, another detail you don't remember.
That's on tape.
No.
The deal watched that we get on the train.
No, when we arrive in Grand Central, when we arrive in New York.
If you manage to get a new base.
You've already cashed in on a bet that you made with a chief man.
If you manage, if you manage to pull it back from 6'3, I'll pay you double.
Because I know you won't.
We're going to spend some time outside.
I got to get seen.
You have to be seen.
I'll go to Kelly Jackson Times.
You know what?
I'd love you there.
And unfortunately, no one cares.
It's funny that we have a second edition.
You've been seen and drenched.
You've been seen and found drenched.
That's true, but I absolutely hate being famous.
I would love to push a magic button.
Oh my god, me too.
Is that why you're so bad at it?
It's a nightmare.
And you know what else is disturbing about being famous?
Is these young millennial men, they'll put up in a picture with me, right?
And they'll put their arm around me, and I can feel them shaking.
Yeah, I get that too, but rather than you being a dick about it, and I can't feel shaking these little millennial men, when you have looked up to somebody, when they've like shaped your value system, it petrifies you when you meet them in real life because you want them to like you.
You never thought you'd actually meet them in real life.
It's overwhelming.
No.
Every man should see all men as peers.
You shouldn't have this hierarchy in your head where you're being a god.
And yet you agreed to a wager on the basis of you being seen as a god.
No, I agreed to a wager.
After a bottle of bourbon.
No, now it's a bottle, having been half a bottle earlier.
Why are you drinking so much at the moment?
Wages in my family.
Because you've passed out every night.
You have done unspeakable things.
Every night.
You've pissed yourself twice in a row.
You have urinated in the bed while asleep.
Wow, when you hear that in a row.
It's not surprising.
It is disgusting.
I'm drinking yourself into.
Because, I mean, if it was feces, I'd be like, oh, not this again.
no one pisses the bed.
Seven-year-olds piss the bed.
All Scots drinks.
You have been drinking yourself to oblivion every night for the last four days, and I want to know why because I care about you.
And also, if you die, I won't get paid.
So, what's going on?
I'm away from my family.
I consider business trips a form of a vacation.
Is this fun for you?
Pissing yourself and waking up with no memory of the last four hours of the previous night?
Is that a vacation?
I would say four hours.
I would say you lost.
You lose two and a half.
Actually, no, I didn't lose anything last night I went to bed.
You dignity.
Did you see my suit?
Your dignity.
My suit was laid out neatly.
I took my horse.
Your suit off.
Your suit was laid out neatly at the end of the bed.
No, it wassued.
No, no, no, no, no.
Your heads wouldn't get wrinkled.
The jacket was hung up.
The jacket was hanging neatly.
There were clothes.
Hung.
Hang is the people.
There were clothes on the bed, neatly there, and your legs were that side of them.
And something about you, despite the fact that you literally sit in the bed.
The suit that I'm wearing.
You were not.
It was perfectly preserved.
So I remember everything about last night.
I remember Jacob Wool.
And yet you still pissed yourself.
Yes.
I just want you to understand that moment.
We're not joking.
This is not a metaphor.
This is not a funny flight of fancy.
He pisses the bed.
I piss the bed.
It's not high enough.
If you do do it out.
$5,000 couch.
You haven't owned up yet too.
You're saying that on camera.
Really?
Yes.
We want to shut down.
Well, anyways.
Let me tell you about the time.
So about five days ago.
I was there on camera, but we were taking pictures of my disgusting luggage strewn across the hotel room floor.
Yeah, way worse.
So I went the couch last week, and my wife's parents are very wealthy.
They don't like me, so they won't buy meat shit, but they'll buy her furniture.
So our furniture is maliciously pissed on it.
Our furniture is absurdly lavish.
And we have this like $10,000 couch.
So I piss it because I don't want to piss the bed.
Don't be on your phone on TV.
I've heard this so many times, and it's so disagreeable.
Have you heard this story?
Yes, I have.
I'm trying not to focus on the best.
Or the couch cushions.
Yes.
Because this one's removable and the other ones aren't because you're like a Chester champ.
And then I asked you about how many times have you urinated the bed with your wife in it?
You said about 30.
About 30 times your wife has woken up because she feels damp.
And she is getting the point now where it is as bad as infidelity.
Like I'm not, if I was having an affair or I went to bed, I think she'd be the same amount of mad.
100% I would rather my husband was unfaithful rather than incontinent.
100%.
You have this ritual down now.
So you now have an iron hot and I take all the sheets off and then I push the iron on the mattress and you're pushing down this hot iron and steam is rising up and it's ice steam.
And you're fanatic when you're doing it because as a married man you only get maybe like two hours alone with a mattress without your wife in the house.
So she's like driving someone to a movie or something and you're like steaming the beds out of a mattress.
It's so stressful dude.
By the time you're done, you're drenched in sweat.
The only other it's like escaping from prison.
The only other people I know have this problem are people that do ketoning four days a week for 10 years.
And they just simply have no bladder control.
In my book, I said, you know, I had kids and then I settled down and I stopped partying and my kids are my drugs.
But I'm actually sort of thinking about it, I might be more wasted now than I was like with Vice and Johnny Knoxville and the East Village and all that.
Because now there are no consequences.
Yeah, now there's just as much hedonism.
I mean, there's not infidelity, but there is unbelievable partying, vomiting.
Like, I woke up, I went to see a fight the other night, and I checked my Harrington the next day, and there's vomit on it.
What's a Harrington?
A Harrington is the Steve McQueen Jacket.
Oh, Jacket.
There's vomit on it.
I have no idea how everybody under 50 words than the circle.
Oh, you'd be surprised.
Oh, speaking of which, now that Milo and I is number one, and we've switched to a new Friday night format, I no longer have minutes until Gavin is 50, which I do once a fortnight.
But I can tell you.
Surely you can bring it.
I can tell you it's about 300,000.
I couldn't be happier.
I'm totally elated about being 50.
I think 50 is an age where you can buy yourself a Rolex.
Why would you not have bought yourself a Rolex?
Well, it's hard to explain to someone who's not gay.
Sorry, someone who is gay.
But unbelievable expenditures are very traumatic to normal straight man.
Like you're, what's your, that jacket with the fur that you have?
$20,000.
$20,000.
That's unfathomable to a straight man.
That's not true.
It's not true.
I've got two teens.
They're both in school.
I've got school fees to find.
All kinds of other things.
My monthly bonus is like, you know, an extraordinary amount of money.
I've got to find it.
I've got to make it.
But the difference between you and me is, although I have the appearance of a loosh and a party boy, I actually spend 16 hours a day in front of a laptop working.
Whereas you spend 16 hours a day drinking.
So the reason that you are more respectful of money is it's more hard to come by for you because you can't hold it together for more than a day.
That's actually patently false, Milo.
That's patently false.
Drowning in money.
Patently false is code for got me there.
No, but I'm not saying my problem is genetic.
Genetically spending money, like buying a $26,000 watch feels physically painful, but every man wants a Rolex.
And I think you can get yourself a Rolex when you're 50.
You wear a watch that looks like it came out of a Christmas cracker.
And not the good one.
You've got like the third best gift at the table.
It is.
It's a night, NITE.
It cost me $700.
Yeah, but it looks like it costs you $70.
Look at this, I wouldn't even...
I'm going to put it on.
Look, so the bracelet it's next to.
This was $700.
Yeah.
Yeah, it costs like a 16th of the bracelet it's next to.
Is that $7,000?
You can tell.
$7,000.
No, it's not true.
Was I there when you got that?
Yeah, I think you were, so you know it was only about four.
But $7,000 cold change.
It was a gift to me from someone else, who then they let me go pick it up myself, which was nice.
From whom?
From my husband.
Oh.
So from me.
Yeah, with your money.
No, he owns his own money.
He's a strong, independent black gentleman who don't need no man.
Who you give all your money to?
Most of it, to be honest.
Yeah.
'Cause it's four of us and it's him and two kids.
So I haven't bought myself anything for a very long time.
I am.
I haven't really.
What?
Well, I just want to know if someone's caught up, because it might be a...
We can put Ryan in there and take him home in a barrel.
No, if it's my lawyer, I can pretend to leave.
I've got to leave the show.
Oh, speaking of which, we were on the train on the way here.
Ooh!
And this has got to go as my son.
I'm just going to break my legs.
No, I was not being bombastic.
I was merely at a medium volume.
No, you were very loud, but that's a very simple.
At a medium volume, previewing one of the songs from my upcoming musical, He Him the Opera, which is going to be the Christmas special episode of Friday Night's All Right.
So look forward to that.
End of the year, Christmas special is going to be the musical, He Him the Opera, about a man who cuts his cock off and then regrets it.
But basically, laughing very loud.
Just laughing, really.
Just laughing.
Just infected with the joy of existence, you know, with the divine comedy, whatever.
We know what laughing is.
I was just being florid.
Okay.
I was just being a little pumped.
And there's smoke.
Are you smoking your vape?
Give me the vape.
Give me the vape.
Why don't you stick a butt plug in your vape every day?
Give me the vape.
I'll see if I can fit in there, but.
I'm trying to do a show and you got smoke going all over the room.
Give me the damn vape.
I'll hurt you.
See, this is my working out of it.
So sorry, sit down.
Please return to this.
Okay, so as Milo was laughing in like a fucking human cacophony, I got an email.
I prefer to think of myself as a sort of a camp.
Like a hyena.
I'm like a hyena, sure.
That'll do.
That's accurate.
And as he was doing that, I got an email from Amtrak that said, please contact Amtrak.
Milo's tickets cancelled.
So we think that I might be banned from a federally subsidized, state-subsidized, effectively a government department.
And we called lawyers about it, and they said, you're fucked.
Yeah, I spoke to two.
Well, actually, so I didn't call, but I spoke to two lawyers in the courtroom, the courthouse today, where we're here for the Roger trial.
More about that later.
But I spoke to two of them, and they both said, yeah, they can ban you from Amtrak.
You can ban you from anywhere.
In fact, the government can ban you much more readily and with fewer consequences than the private companies can, because who is it that enforces or overturns bans to private companies?
The government.
They can do whatever they want.
If you go into a courthouse and someone doesn't like the look of you, they can ban you and just make up that you were being disrupted.
Likewise, Amtrak could just say you were disrupting other passengers, refuse to do this, that, and the other.
There's no camera footage.
It's your word against theirs.
You've done it.
You're banned.
So here's the email.
It says, please contact Amtrak.
And this arrived three to four minutes after a very fat, very gay train conductor walked past and scowled at us, right?
Do you remember that?
Do you remember that fat fag?
And we did make a few quips quietly to ourselves.
But possibly.
Tickets, please.
Oh, yeah, we do.
I forgot about that.
Tickets, please.
Tickets, please.
Tickets money pass the ball.
You're still in the car.
Teas, coffee, hot chocolate.
we were doing that.
Anyway, You can't ride the train if you're.
Dear Amtrak customer, we've noticed a problem with your reservation.
Please call Amtrak at 1800 blah, blah, blah.
As soon as possible to reconfirm your travel plans and ensure your itinerary is properly reserved.
Provide the customer service agent with your reservation number below.
Review Amtrak's refund policy for details.
Refund penalties up to and including the forfeit of your entire ticket may apply if you do not notify Amtrak in advance.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
But four minutes after this guy walks through the carriage, this email from Amtrak arrives.
So we're going to call Amtrak now.
Gavin will speak to them as the person who purchased the tickets.
And we will see what they have to say.
One am I going to say you have to say rail?
I'm going to say, my friend has AIDS.
And he uses Gallows Human to get through the pain.
Hi, La Julie.
Amtrak on Digit Agent to check if a particular train is running on time.
Milo is gracious.
She has been, she just opened the door.
Sorry, I can't tell whether you said yes or no.
I said hello.
I still can't tell whether you said yes or no.
I said hello.
Okay, I'll transfer you to any track agent.
All of our reservation sales agents are currently assisting other customers.
Let's see how long it's going to be.
Thanks.
Probably start with a free Amtrak customer.
Okay, well, let's just leave it there.
Let's just leave it there.
But if I'm banned from Amtrak, that is a new escalation in the conservative sense of because private companies, even all the way up to banks, have been doing it.
If one or more of us is now just passing you over to the ticket holder, one moment, please, sir.
Hello?
Yes.
I got a notice recently about a reservation I have that has been canceled for some reason.
Okay, do you have the reservation number?
Yes, reservation number is 4306B4.
Fine, fine.
Can I go ahead and consider the name of the reservation?
Uh, Milo Giannopoulos.
Okay, email the term name of the reservation.
Uh Gavin at free speech.tv Okay, and the last further information I need to verify this reservation is he'll be departing for him.
He's departing from DC and arriving in Newark.
Uh check for um okay when did you get this email?
Um Monday yeah while we were on our way to DC on the outlet like great would that be Sunday yeah oh I have it here November 4th 907 p.m.
Yeah.
That's what he says before he jumps.
We did take that train.
We had a great time.
But I'm concerned that because of my comrade's political affiliations.
Oh, no.
It was sexual preference.
It's not because I'm a Republican.
It's because I have AIDS.
He's also wildly gay.
Like, makes Oscar Wilde look like Bruce Banner.
Make RuPaul look like Steve McQueen.
I'm a fan of your ticket.
And they went ahead and canceled that board.
And he created e-mail for $192.
But why was the ticket canceled?
There was a very overweight, very obnoxious train conductor.
And I'm wondering if he took a disliking to me because I'm quite a well-known author.
Maybe he read my book.
He didn't like the jokes or something.
But I don't understand why that could have happened because he knew I was on the train.
Okay.
I'm out of position.
I'm reporting here as well.
I'm taking my report.
Maybe you could call him and ask him.
You can't ban people because of their books.
No, he's not allowed to.
That's a good part of my policy.
Okay.
Okay.
Thanks.
We'll file a suit.
First of all, don't worry about this.
No, no, no.
Do not worry about it.
Don't.
You idiot.
Because you know nothing of the world and you are a demetrious retard, you should never, ever, ever make any legal threats because they have to stop what they're doing and pass you on to lawyers.
And they can't, as soon as you make a legal threat, they can no longer help you because they're instructed.
The moment you say it, mention anything about a lawsuit, it goes straight to the lawyers and you will never see it again.
You'll never get your money back.
I'm glad I did that.
All he cares about right now is his job.
The worst fucking thing you can ever do is threaten someone with a lawsuit.
If you want to file a lawsuit against someone, go and file it or send them a letter saying, do this or we're filing lawsuits.
It's called a letter before action.
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever threaten people with lawsuits because they, not because it's a shitty thing to do or not effective, because the second anybody hears that, they have to shut the call down and pass you on to somebody else and it becomes a nightmare.
Well, it becomes a legal matter.
You've started the proceedings.
And then they will only deal with lawyers, so you are compelled, if you want your money back, or to get a resolution, go hire an actual lawyer and you were like, oh, I was just trying to get my money back.
Don't do it if you're watching this at home.
Don't do it.
It doesn't work.
I'm in a series of...
Oh, please, madam.
And then you're done.
You're done.
You're fucked.
What if an addictive bitch, if it was this train conductor, what a bitchy thing to do.
Just be like, oh my God, he's on the train.
Cancel it.
No, what he did was he went and he said, he forfeited the ticket, meaning didn't get on this train.
So that the return ticket would get cancelled, so that we'd get to the room for me to go on in a minute.
So now what they've done is they've issued you with a voucher, right?
Which we didn't know, so I have no ticket returning, so the price might go up in the meantime.
Right?
I've got a $194 voucher.
There might not even be a seat on the train for me.
I'd like to take his.
I was talking to Michael Caputo yesterday and Anthony Cumia today, and he said, we're getting to be, well, Anthony goes, we're like Russia.
And I said, that's what Caputo said yesterday.
He goes, we're Russia.
But I was talking to someone else about this, Charles Johnson, actually.
And he said, at least in Soviet gulags, you would go, you'd be persecuted, you'd go to re-education.
Yes.
Hello.
Yeah, I'm here.
Oh, I see.
So apparently we need to get you in two weeks and three.
Oh, no.
He must have done that.
We were on the train.
We were there.
He scanned my friend's tickets.
There was three of us, right?
Yeah, we scanned the tickets.
Two people on a different reservation.
He scanned the tickets.
So obviously with mine, he's deliberately not done it.
I might have it on camera.
Can you just restore the old booking?
Can you do that?
Can we just restore the old booking?
Because I want to go home today on the train.
Okay, fine, fine.
Watch your best.
Why is that on my camera?
What?
Depending on where we started shooting.
Because we shot for 20 minutes straight.
Tickets.
After you, right after you got on the train.
Tickets.
Tickets.
Hey, you gotta do me.
I gotta piss.
No, no, I can't do this without you.
I can be you.
I can do you.
It's easy.
All right, well, I need the train ticket.
Gavin McKinnon.
What do I do if I want you to take Gavin?
Just piss myself?
No, just kind of talk like this and don't hold the phone at me.
up just shut up you're not the boss of me uh hi thank you thank you uh yeah i'll take a look thank you uh i mean look if you say you've if you say you've done it i'm sure that's fine is there anything else i'm gonna think of it well i don't know i just i just wanna know how i'm gonna avoid in future um you know,
crazy leftist activist employees of yours maliciously cancelling my tickets.
Okay, even if he's fat, he hates me.
Okay, even if he's fat, he's fat.
I'm sorry.
Okay, listen, I'm really grateful for your help.
Can I say your name, please?
Oh, Wally.
Wally.
Oh, that's an excellent name.
Alright, listen, thank you very much, Wally, and thank you for fixing that.
You don't like feminists, do you?
These like, you know, crazy, like, angry, fat, gay feminists.
You're not about that, right?
I don't know.
I'm not about that.
Okay, good, good, good.
Alright.
Thank you, Wally.
God bless.
Take care.
Thanks, man.
Thank you.
Bye.
I said, how do I avoid your fat, angry, far-leftist employees doing this again?
He says, when you get on the train, make sure the conductor scans your ticket.
And I said, even if he's fat and he hates me?
And he said, yes, even if he hates you.
So then I was like, what's your name, Wally?
Oh, it's a good name.
Wally, you don't like fat, angry feminists, do you?
Wally?
He's like, no, no, no.
I like everybody.
This has been a great show.
He's reinstated the tickets that we can actually get back to New York.
Which means you'll see me.
Friday night, 8 p.m., or whenever I get around to actually appearing, because it is my gay progressive to be late.
Friday night's alright on free speech.tv.
Gather, of course, is back in his regular slot.
We've had fun in DC and there'll be more news from me on Friday night and next week about the Roger Stone trial.
Thank you very much for joining us.
Anything you'd like to add?
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