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Sept. 30, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:13:23
S02E65 - TONY STARK DRESSES FUNNY
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Time Text
Hello Trubadila man, how's your day?
You bring it in mind.
Thought you were new with design.
A couple stops, but you were just fine.
So fix one.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.
There's a party and my friends want to go.
Now you all know I'm never.
Wow, I'm getting stronger.
That ghetto blaster.
Sorry, boom box.
You have to use his proper pronouns.
We call it a ghetto blaster in Canada and Britain.
Like the tricky song.
So what happened to it?
It's light now.
I haven't started HGH, by the way.
That's the 17th.
But already I'm just becoming China.
I have a fucking Madonna body.
I'm basically Cher.
I haven't seen Cher's arms, but I bet she's in pretty good shape.
I bet Cher has bigger arms than me.
She has some pipes.
Cher's, welcome back to Cher's Pipes, where we look at old pictures of Cher and decide if she's hot or not.
That was Second Exit.
That song was 2016.
If you wouldn't mind, they're a London band.
Kind of rappy, but kind of spoken wordy, too.
I have to talk about the song, so I don't have to pay for them.
I want to take it light today on Monday.
There's a few things I want to cover, though, but I don't think I even sent you them in the notes, my friend.
The big story over the weekend was Trump calling for civil war.
If you impeach me, I'm going to institute a civil war.
That's how the left took it.
That's not what he said.
He quoted an evangelical Fox News contributor who said, if they impeach Trump, there will be a civil war.
And he's right.
There will be.
We're already on the brink of a civil war with all this Antifa shit.
So if they take a Democratically elected president down for nothing, you're going to see riots in the streets.
That's just a fact.
I mean, we had riots in the streets for Larry, what was his name?
Rodney King.
Larry King.
Why are you guys rioting?
That would be funny.
For Larry King?
If the police beat the shit out of Larry King.
By the way, Rodney King had led them on a super high chase through a residential neighborhood where he could have killed countless people.
And then eventually they subdue him.
The other guys with him go down, put their hands behind their back.
Rodney just starts laughing.
They zap him.
He still laughs.
Then they beat him.
You just saw the beating.
And because of the narrative that the media loves to perpetuate, there was riots in the streets.
All of L.A. was, how many deaths were there in that stupid riot?
It changed David Cho forever.
David Cho was there with the Korean grocers aiming their guns at people from the rooftops.
Total of 63 people died during the day.
Jesus Christ, you fools.
See, there's blood on your hands if you push the narrative of Rodney King being an innocent victim.
And we lost a cop today.
What's his name?
Brian Keeley or something?
In the South Bronx, some disgusting piece of shit, career criminal.
The South Bronx, by the way, gets worse every day.
It really is.
There's a murder a day in New York, and it's just in East New York and the Bronx.
They're both competing.
They're both competing to be the worst place in America next to Baltimore and south side of Chicago.
And in all of those places, they fucking hate cops.
They hate the pigs.
All cops are bastards.
And I'm told from people in the force that after this, Brian Mulkeen, is that his name?
Yeah, Brian Mulkeen.
After Brian Mulkeen was shot to death with his own gun, people were celebrating in the streets of the South Bronx.
We are officially back to David Dinkins' days.
David Dinkins hated cops.
De Blasio hates cops.
And when you hate cops, people die.
Not just cops.
In fact, rarely cops.
Mostly the residents of said neighborhoods, the residents of the south side of Chicago, the residents of Baltimore, and the residents of the South Bronx.
They're the ones suffering from all this stupid cop hatred.
And all these, like there's some cunt in my neighborhood who had a Black Lives Matter sign on her lawn.
That's perpetuating the narrative that cops are out there hunting black people.
And that man is dead now.
Now, you know, don't say too many names.
Yeah, last night I had a couple of names.
You don't want to expose the guy.
Oh, no, I'm not.
Okay.
But yeah, last night I had a couple of drinks at this cigar bar, and one of my buddies from high school was there, and he was like, yeah, my brother used to be his partner.
He just gave it away, you fucking retard, after I told you not to twice.
Now we can't get him on the show because you just gave away that it was his partner.
What do you think I meant?
Oh, no, his former partner.
Okay, but he's still a cop.
So now we can't have him on the show because you just gave away his identity.
That was a real smooth move.
What I find stunning about stuff like that is when I say twice, don't do that, don't do that.
And then you go, yeah, it was his former partner.
I'm just doing some names.
You just said a name.
That's as bad as a name.
Oh.
How can you not know that, though?
That's the fascinating part.
That's the part where I want to bring in like brain surgeons and stuff to do CAT scans.
I don't know.
How can you not know that you were exposing someone?
I guess that makes sense because then you could look into who his former partner was.
You guess, yeah, you guess.
By the way, the cops, the MIPD is desperately trying to find out the cops that we know that we hang out with.
The cops tell me they bring it up at meetings.
Oh.
McKinnis says he's friends with cops.
Who are these cops?
Stop, stop, stop.
You see this?
It's very sad.
Oh, Jesus.
To the place I belong.
This is probably racist.
West Virginia.
Today's narrative.
"Bountain Mama, take me home, country road." Six years, I think, he was into his 20-year career.
I saw that black dude, sheriff, what's his name, saying, All this talk about excessive force, excessive force, this idea that you can just be Jesse James and shoot his shoelaces undone so he trips or shoot his gun out of his hand.
No, you're lucky if someone's coming at you to kill you and you shoot them in the chest.
Someone goes for your gun, pull out your gun and shoot them immediately or you will die.
Anyway, sorry, not a very fun way to start off the show.
Did you see also in the news?
Okay, two more things.
One was Everlast.
I didn't send you this link.
Everlast is choosing a trans fighter as the new face of Everlast.
And by trans, we mean a lesbian who took so many hormones that she has a weird Ryan Katsu Rivera pubic beard.
That's it.
And I looked her up on Box Rec, which, by the way, separate subject.
Box Rec is insane.
Whoa.
It has every fighter, like literally Jack Dempsey.
It has every fight from the beginning of fighting.
I don't mean cavemen, but registered fights, it has them all.
You look up anyone there, I bet there's a Gavin McInnes.
There's so many fights there, and it'll be like some Irish guy from 1937.
It's incredible.
And they have a bunch of people for this guy, but I looked up this guy.
He has one fight under his belt.
So fuck the trans stuff and all that.
This person has one fight.
This woman is going to get the living shit pounded out of her.
And I'm never buying Everlast again.
Look at this.
That's a lesbian who took a bunch of pills.
And now she represents Everlast.
Why?
I don't understand what dollar you're going for.
Do you know that trolling guy?
Just look up Boxing Troll.
He's this dude who picks fights with like Deontay Williams and stuff, like the biggest fighters in the business.
Oh, there we go.
Deontay Wilder.
Did I say Williams?
So he calls out Deontay Wilder, says, I'm going to kick your ass.
And Deontay Wilder takes him up on it because this guy has millions of followers and it's good for business.
It's good advertising.
But of course, he just gets the shit beaten out of him.
What's this guy's name again?
Charlie Zigaroff?
Zelinoff.
Zelanoff.
Charlie Zelanoff also has one pro fight.
You'll notice that Zelenoff rang out of the ring and now they're just fighting in the gym.
Oh my God, fighting Deontay Walder would hurt.
The way he gets into the ring is he steps over the top rope.
And it looks like you're walking over a bandana lying on the ground.
Oh, my God, we saw a fight.
Spence and who?
My mind's gone blank.
I don't know.
He said he was Porter.
Spence and Porter this weekend.
I didn't give you any of the stuff I want to talk about.
I didn't give you in the notes.
Hashtag Spence Porter.
There was a fight before it, a Hispanic dude and a guy from Detroit.
And they just kept hammering this poor bastard from Detroit.
He had a vagina on his eye.
And I was with my coach, and I was saying to him, he has a pussy in his eye.
And then I said, I want to fuck it.
And then I go, is that gay to want to fuck a pussy if it's on a dude's face?
And he goes, yeah, definitely.
And then he goes over to these other two boxers that are on the other side of me and he goes, hey, Gavin wants to fuck a dude in his eye.
Is that gay?
It's gay if you fuck a guy's eye hole, right?
I was like, that's not exactly what I said.
And I kept, so he keeps getting nailed, this poor bastard.
Wait, you're looking at Errol Spence, dude.
I'm talking about before the fight.
So scroll down.
And is that it?
He's got a big, long Hispanic name.
No.
And he had a vagina in his eye, and they wouldn't stop the fight.
The ref didn't stop the fight.
The coach didn't stop the fight.
Eventually, the boxing commissioner comes out and says, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is bad for our brand.
This is bad for the sport in general.
And so they stopped the fight eventually.
And the guys I was with said, it's Detroit.
People don't give a shit about people in Detroit.
So they just let their boxers almost die.
It was so gruesome.
You better find it.
It was so gruesome that it looked like a horror movie when they were putting the cauterizing thing on the Q-tip.
You know, that stuff that seals up the wounds or stops it from bleeding?
It was like being in a surgeon's office.
It was disgusting.
And you can see the Q-tip go deep into the facial vagina and try to, but it wasn't stealing.
It wasn't sealing up.
So his eye was just hanging down like this with a hole honestly this big, this big on his face.
And I'm dragging out this explanation so you can find it.
Just go vagina face.
You want me to type vagina face?
No, I think you got it.
I think you just found it.
Is that him?
No, that's not him.
It was the undercard for the Spence Porter fight.
Oh, it was the undercard.
Ew.
Undercard.
Yeah, what do you think I was saying?
I said it's a Spence Porter fight, but not Spence Porter.
Oh my God, you're driving me insane right now.
You're looking up Conor McGregor.
Just go hashtag Spence Porter.
Okay, you know what?
I did.
If I have to find this and I find it before you, you're making yourself dramatically less valuable.
And then, when it comes time for a raise, Darrell Benitavez?
Yes.
Boy, you really got to put a fire under your ass.
No, I don't think it is.
You got punched a lot of times.
This is great TV, isn't it?
The Porter Spence fight wasn't that good.
It was one of those decision things.
Yeah, those do suck.
So the undercard was kind of...
Say one guy lands 100 punches, but they're all little baby punches, and the other guy lands five knock you to your knees Punches.
Who wins?
I'm actually stealing this conundrum from boxers superior to me, which is 100% of them.
And the answer to the question is: who would you rather be?
So if you'd rather be the guy that took 100 little punches than the four Rockham Sockhams, then you have to go with the Rockham Sockham guy.
Oh, I found it.
And you suck.
Durrell.
Doctor looks at cut on Durrell.
Holy crap, it's bad.
How did I find that before you, Ryan?
Well, I'm the host of a show.
You know the guy's face and what they look like.
So when you see the little thumbnails.
You want to see what I saw?
I'm emailing it to you right now with the word vagina.
I saw a black boxer with a huge vagina on his face.
I was looking for Spanish because you said Spanish.
Well, the guy beating him with Spanish.
It doesn't matter Spanish.
How many boxers did you pass with a vagina on their face?
Zero.
Okay.
Well, you're wrong because I just passed it.
And I emailed it to you.
On the Spence Porter hashtag.
Yes.
Dang it.
I've been scrolling and scrolling.
Yeah, well, you suck at your job.
Durrell, D-I-R-R-E-L-L.
That was the fight.
Now, can you handle that at least?
So go to the fucking internet.
Go Spence Porter hashtag.
Then add Durrell.
Why would I do that when you told me you just emailed it?
Because I only emailed you one.
There's a billion on Twitter.
A billion.
What are you doing now?
You should be in Twitter, fucking Google Images.
We are going to have a Senator Bud Dwyer moment one of these days on the show.
I'm too moral to kill a man, but if there's a handgun here, you're going to see my head explode.
I'm just going to go like that.
It's just going to be blood.
Like this guy?
White desk.
Yes, that is what I was looking for 800,000 years ago.
Look at that.
Stop the fight.
We were all in the bar yelling, stop the fight!
Stop the fight at the TV.
And eventually some Asian dude with like an ID badge when a suit comes on going, no, no.
That's bad.
When the people who run the actual sport have to jump up and say, stop this shit.
Now find other ones, Ryan, please.
What are you doing?
Drag, drop, search.
Darrell Spence Porter.
Finally!
He just kept getting it, and it was jabs.
Benavidez.
So you're seeing one of the only times Darrell was punching back.
Keep going.
Oh, fuck.
There, that might be it.
Yeah, there it is.
It was all jabs.
He was just killing him with jabs.
Oh, God, what a slaughter.
Look at that.
It wasn't fun.
We were watching it, just going, this is getting really dark.
I'm watching a horror movie right now.
Can you please?
Oh, Jesus.
Look at that.
Did that split it right there in that?
Yeah, I think that's the split.
Boom.
That's fucking gory, dude.
In other news, wait, have we covered all the important news?
There's the trans dude, and then there's this hashtag.
That's funny.
This hashtag Antifa domestic terrorists.
Look up that hashtag.
People are pushing it.
And it's really interesting seeing the reaction.
Not one person mentions that the Dayton Ohio shooter was Antifa.
Antifa wouldn't exist if there weren't any neo-bitch ass Nazis.
Get all the way fuck out of here.
And then a bunch of the things are saying, look at the name.
They're anti-fascist.
And it mostly stems from Hamilton, Ontario, which is a little college town outside of Toronto, where some old lady was going to see a conservative politician do a talk, and antifacunts were yelling at him.
Look at that.
We need to organize.
I thought you're anarchist.
Why do you have a communist union logo?
Yeah, that's the thing.
Click on that video.
That's what started it all.
All of us do it tonight.
Nazis off our streets.
This is kind of perfect, isn't it?
There's your Nazi, an old lady who's concerned with open borders.
Nice Nazis.
And then she's screaming, get your hands off me!
Get your hands off me!
When the woman's 80-year-old son says, can you move, please?
That's treacherous.
I saw one of the tweets said, Antifa's killed no one.
The KKK's killed thousands.
Yeah, they're both bad.
We don't like the KKK.
We don't like Antifa.
And yes, the KKK, going back to what, the 1900s, has a larger death toll.
That's true.
But the Antifa death toll is still in the dozens.
How many people died in Ohio?
Like 20?
All right, that's the important stuff I had to get out of the way.
Oh, yeah, one more thing before we get serious here.
Oh, there's Rufio.
Not all heroes wear capes.
You know what's a good song for Proud Boys?
Sometimes good guys don't wear white.
By Minor Threat?
Good guys, bad guys, which is which?
The white-collar workers are the diggers in the ditch.
Who's to say who's a better man?
Who does that?
Minor Threat.
It's a cover.
Oh, of the Standells?
Yes.
Classic.
The lyrics, though.
Put up the mirror.
I'm a poor boy, born a run.
In a rut, some say my manners ain't the best.
Some of my friends have been in a whole lot of trouble.
And some say I'm no better than the rest.
This is the perfect Cowboys anthem.
Every day I work hard.
At night, I spend a restless time.
Those rich kids and their lazy money can't hold a candle to mine.
It's amazing.
Anyway, all right, let's get serious here, folks.
Enough fucking around.
I saw the movie yesterday, last night.
It's pretty darn gay.
It's about a guy who discovered the Beatles on his own.
He hits his head, all the electricity in the world goes out, and then he's the only one who knows of the Beatles.
Actually, spoiler alert, they find two more people, one Russian and one British who's heard of the Beatles.
So he steals all their songs.
It's a premise hijacked from Hot Tub Time Machine, and there's a lot of annoying shit in it.
But what is amazing is how unbelievably bad of an actress Kate McKinnon is.
And it's also an indication that the director is terrible.
If one of your actors is hamming it up, if you will, then say, yeah, what are you doing?
Hold on, cut, cut, cut, cut.
What was that?
Oh, I don't know.
I thought I'd sort of make my mark.
No, don't do that.
You're just like a record exec.
Yeah, you're kind of ruthless and cunty and you only care about money.
But that's implied.
And we get it.
You know, you can be a human being from Earth.
This is not the Star Wars bar.
And Kate McKinnon is great on SNL.
She's hilarious.
She does really good impressions.
Kind of like Ryan, actually.
Very talented at impressions.
Very terrible at acting.
Oh.
Remember the Get Off My Lawn promos we were trying to do?
Yes.
I believe we did 87 takes.
I'm Hmong.
Yeah, you're Hmong.
I remember it.
Okay.
So what are you doing?
Just showing yourself?
You're better at showing yourself than showing anything on the World Wide Web.
All right, let's, so let's just, let me show you this because I realized last night, she's the worst actor in America.
Actress?
Actor?
I'm Deborah Hammer.
I'm Ed's manager.
We should talk.
Yeah.
Just pause.
How about this?
I'm Deborah Hanger.
I'm Ed's manager.
should talk.
I'm Ed's manager.
We should talk.
But smile.
What are you doing?
I do the smile at the end.
And it's funny because when you see a terrible actor, are you supposed to say actor or actress?
I remember there was a fad in the 90s where you had to call all actresses actor, but it seems to have faded away.
I don't know.
I mean, there's still a best actress award, right?
I'm saying actress.
Yeah.
That takes too long.
I'm saying, frankly, I'm saying actress.
Okay, go ahead.
I mean, I've kind of got a manager back home now.
Yeah, you realize, no, just pause.
When you see shitty acting, it pulls you out of the movie, obviously.
But then you're watching the other actors and you go, wow, you guys are good at acting.
Because you made me think of the script by seeing this.
And now I'm seeing him do the script.
And we're going, hey, Hamish Patel, you're doing a pretty good job next to this fucking leopard-skinned clown.
We should talk.
Okay, great.
That's great.
Good.
Have a good night.
I'll see you in Los Angeles.
Very Jane Los Angeles.
I'm glad you paused right there, too, because I'll see you in Los Angeles.
Then she's supposed to walk away, but she knows the next line is him going, well, Los Angeles.
So she doesn't really walk away.
Oh, wow.
It's sort of like in fight scenes where the guy's waiting for the punch.
Yeah.
Los Angeles.
Oh, wait, that really is bad.
Have a good night.
I'll see you in Los Angeles.
Okay, bye.
Bye, Kate.
Los Angeles.
Oh.
Yeah, well, we need you to come to LA.
See, we pay, and then you come, and you write songs, and then we release them, and you make a ton of money.
And then we take most of it.
That's actually not the worst.
Okay.
I have a question.
Is this the best that you can look?
Shung.
Oh, God.
Brits love their shung.
That made me sad.
It's the guy who did Slum Dog Millionaire, I believe.
Okay, I have another clip there.
I've amassed a few Kate McKinnons.
This one's particularly bad.
Jack Malik.
Welcome to my little beach shack.
Thank you for coming.
I can tell this lesbian's never worn high heels before, too.
She's almost tripping over herself.
You're not very attractive.
No.
You are out of shape.
Yes.
You are skinny yet somehow round.
You have been profoundly unsuccessful for 10 years.
Okay, just pause.
There's one I did the actual time code on, and it's a perfect example of what I'm talking about.
Pay close attention, folks.
Failure.
Sit, please.
But now.
Coming up.
Now, you've hit an extraordinary songwriting groove.
There it is.
And you want to be the biggest star in the world.
I thought you left your head off.
Well, yes.
Did you see that?
And you want to be the biggest star in the world.
You didn't see her?
Cock her head back?
Yes.
And now you're a big songwriting groove.
What the fuck happened?
I'm douching out.
Did someone remove your anal beads in mid-sentence?
How?
Like starting a lone mower?
Extraordinary songwriting groove.
What was that?
You want to be the biggest star in the world?
Songwriting groove.
Yes.
I don't know.
Isn't she terrible?
Yeah.
Well, yes, I guess.
Yes.
You know what's scary, too?
Because she's a lesbian, you know that there's going to be a billion people going, Kate is amazing.
Unbelievable.
Look what she did with the head.
I mean, that wasn't in the script, believe it.
They didn't write it in.
No, she added in this.
It's akin to Jim Kate.
She was watching Sebastian.
What's his name?
Maniscalco.
Maniscalco.
Women have become obsessed with ripping off Sebastian Maniscalco.
It's not a good look.
He can do it.
It's an exaggeration of being Italian.
So what he's doing, he's lovingly, I'm not going to say mocking, but he's lovingly performing an homage to Italian demeanor.
That's not for you, Whitney Cummings.
That's not for you, Kate McKinnon.
Sorry, Irish ladies.
You can't have that.
She's not good at it, and it's not a joke.
The joke is, I'm Italian.
I'm really Italian.
The joke is not, you're on a really good, successful writing career.
What?
She stole Jane Lynch's thing, too.
That whole like awkward, smiley creep change.
Oh, yeah, the sort of tough, brassy, lesbian broad.
And then she'll smile afterwards.
Like a big weird smile.
Can we trace that back before Jane Lynch, or did she kind of make up that whole sleeve?
You know, John Glazer does the same character, but male.
This sort of like, hey, I'm a tough guy.
I have a mullet and I like to shoot guns.
That's how I make hamburgers.
I shoot them out of the sky.
They fall in the grill.
And then I have bullet burgers.
And it's corny.
It's a cliche.
And those people don't really exist.
I'm talking about like the creep one where she's like, hey, how you doing there, buddy?
And she's like smiley and weird and creepy.
Ah, yeah.
Okay.
That, I think, is kind of original, but she took it from Jane Lynch.
The only time Kate McKinnon has been more annoying than she was in the movie yesterday is in Ghostbusters 2, where it's exactly the same thing, but she plays this hyper-confident nerd who doesn't exist.
Check her out.
Okay, just pause.
Look at how the actual actress, not the character, is sitting in her chair.
Go back.
She's got one leg over the side.
Have you ever seen anyone sit like that in your entire life?
Ever.
Including like all-night brainstorms.
What are you doing?
Why is your leg there?
She's like Gary Coleman, if you will.
As well.
She's bizarre.
What?
She's in charge of perfecting the machinery.
I got some pretty cool stuff cooking up over here if you want to just turn your hand.
I improved beam accuracy by adding a plasma shield to the RF discharge chamber.
I have cryocooler to reduce helium boil-off.
And to dub it all up, we got a freaking Faraday cage.
Yes, this is the closest to my actual self that I've ever played.
Forgot about my new toy.
Kate is just unbelievable and miserable and just so incredible.
Women can't get a spider out of the bathtub, but they can go kill ghosts.
Oh, now it's E.T. Anyway, I was watching all that, and it reminded me that Robert Downey Jr. is the worst dressed man in Hollywood.
I know that's a bit of a stretch, but just as Kate McKinnon's hyper-overacting wrecks movies, Robert Downey Jr.'s outfits ruin movies.
Now, I mentioned this on the show before, and a reader, a reader, a viewer, that must be from my advice days, sent in an email and he said, I have a theory.
Now, my original theory was that he's banging his stylist, and he likes her around.
She's great at blowjobs.
And his wife somehow lets it go.
They have a rule, like whatever happens on set stays on set.
You can get BJs, whatever.
So he sends this woman money and she keeps him around.
And then he has his family life.
And it's like the gouma.
It's like the old Italian way.
But that theory has some loose ends that aren't great.
And this viewer wrote in and said, yeah, but he's been the worst dressed man in Hollywood since the 80s, since we were all kids.
And I thought, that's a good point.
you wouldn't have the same mistress for 40 years.
So his theory, which I'm now stealing, is that Robert Downey Jr. is so proud of himself that he demands that he It's in his writer.
I will do the movie, but I call the shots.
And women are so fucking bad at styling that they always ruin movies.
You'll notice most movies and commercials, guys are wearing these shirts that no one wears, and it's a collarless t-shirt with three buttons.
You know what I'm talking about?
Oh, yeah.
Like the long underwear shirts?
They always wear those.
You know why?
Because this silly cow is terrible at budgeting.
And at the 11th hour, she realized she emptied her budget on some stupid leather suit.
And now she has to go to Walmart and buy a bunch of shirts in bulk for $4 each.
That's why they're always wearing those.
And they're always wearing new clothes in movies.
Yeah, look, look at that brand new track suit.
It's the worst.
And he's got a brand new blue t-shirt that's never been washed.
His hat.
Why is everyone wearing new clothes in every movie?
Like, there's not one stain on anything?
Everyone comes out of a catalog.
It's really distracting.
Anyway, so Robert, I don't mind you saying, I'm going to handle this because these bitches ruin it.
But you're actually worse than these dumb sluts that do this for a living.
I'm amazed.
You know who should be doing styling?
They're called fags.
And before we demanded that women be part of everything, especially movies, there's a big push with feminism.
Not a big push to get women into sanitation, but a big push to get women into movies.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Well, that's later, Hosan, you know.
But the neckerchief, there's no excuse for that.
Wow.
He really does pop his collars on his blazers.
I thought you were just trying to make me look like an idiot.
That is more evidence that this viewer is correct and I'm wrong.
Because you don't get a stylist to do the red carpet, right?
I can't believe I didn't think of this.
Just Google Robert Downey Jr.
Robert Downey Jr.
What a fucking you have the same glasses and I bought those as a joke.
Yeah.
He's a joke.
Look, there's not one picture of him where he doesn't look annoying.
This is no, there's something about that that's terrible.
It's subgate.
My daughter said to me this morning because I was talking about this, oh my God, wait, we have a video of someone wearing that.
Whoa!
Wait, my eyes didn't really understand.
If that was a 12-year-old girl, you'd say, you look really cute, sweetie.
Wow.
That's the only person who could possibly wear that.
Yes.
Dude, his name's Stephen Bailey.
He's a fan of the show.
And I'm now 100% on board with him.
It's Robert Downey Jr.
Look at his little boots.
Oh my God.
He's got Oshkosh Bagosh sweatpants on and a Vietnam vet parka with a fluorescent.
Oh my god, he keeps hitting it out of the park.
That's actually the best one so far.
There's no low to low.
Whoa!
I can't explain it.
What?
He's a snowboarding academic.
It's like a kid that wants to be the Joker for Halloween, but has no money.
He's Professor Ollie kickflip.
Oh, that's.
Okay, that's okay, but that must be Sherlock Holmes.
In fact, my daughter asked that.
She said, did you mind him in Sherlock Holmes?
And I go, you can't really fuck up 18th century English.
Yeah, they don't take a lot of liberties.
Just tweet suits.
He loves his baggy snowboard pants, doesn't he?
Yeah.
Oh, my God, what a fucking tool he is.
Every picture.
And this drives me nuts.
Go up to that how much money, that one there.
Where's that?
With the tie.
It's the one that says how much money.
I'm looking.
I'm panicking now.
You should be.
It's going bad.
How much money?
Okay, there we go.
Jesus.
How about the closest to the picture?
This is what he always does, too.
He always undoes his top button because it's more comfortable.
Dude, you have a tailor.
You can make the top button as loose as all can be.
How can you not be able to do your top button?
Even Tony Starks.
Oh, my God.
You were saying, this is the winner.
Look at this.
I'm sorry.
What were you saying about my top button?
Private homo.
Look at him investigating who let the dogs out.
So what?
I borrowed my grandmother's glasses.
Oh, my God.
Big deal.
And the award for best outfit goes to me.
I'm already up here, so.
Holy shit.
Oh, yeah.
What are you wearing?
Can you look up, is there a Robert...
He dresses worse than Johnny Rotten today.
Look at that.
Is that a cape?
It was cold.
Now it's not.
Put it on my shoulders.
Is he wearing a shawl?
Do we have a problem?
Finally, a men's shawl.
Even my face is wearing terrible clothing.
Yeah, stupid beard.
Oh, my God.
If there's a woman responsible for this.
So let's go back.
Sorry.
Looks regular suit, but glittery.
Let's go back to the original email from that guy.
Oh, look, I got those lights in my eyes.
Maybe I can get three.
Stars in his eyes.
Wait, Ryan, this is going to be the thumbnail?
The thumbnail.
Okay.
Right there.
Got it?
Got it.
You only have two in there, but that's okay.
I could edit another one in there.
No, no.
What are you doing now?
Looking for the email.
Why are you looking for the fucking email?
And why are you looking in your scent?
Oh, you're not looking in your scent.
Yeah.
Come on now.
You've sent a bunch of pictures.
Jesus, H fucking Christ.
Why wouldn't that be ready for the Robert Downey Jr. special episode?
Good enough point.
So I found video versions of all of these.
But this is Weird Science.
I believe Weird Science is 1985.
11002.
Yeah, that's 1985 at the top.
And then this one is 1986.
Now, I was around.
I was 15 in 85, 16 in 86.
Do the math.
And no one dressed like that.
No one wore pirate shirts with weird temporary purple hair.
No one looked like that.
And there's that shirt that stylists always make you wear.
That's talking about.
Too much sun.
He was a chauffeur, so that one doesn't really count.
And then shortcuts.
Look at that.
What the hell?
What's this?
Home for the holidays?
I don't remember that one.
What's he wearing there?
Henley.
Button Henley.
That's not so bad, considering the time.
Yeah.
But show some of the videos I got.
We should go through the Iron Man movies.
Have we got time?
Of course we have time.
Jarvis, make more time.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Look at what he's wearing.
He looks like a lost member of the cure.
Hi, Buck.
Go forward to the next one.
We're just talking about outfits, not scenes.
That scene in that movie, he has on gigantic yellow socks.
Yeah, stop right there.
You see those bare legs in the background?
Yeah.
With the yellow socks?
That's him.
And he's got weird safari shorts on with like hiking boots.
Look at him.
And he's three feet tall.
Here we come.
Look at this little outfit.
Sorry.
Sorry.
We're sorry.
This is a weird scene.
Look, women don't have peripheral vision.
How could you not see them doing that?
That's his style.
That's so weird.
Like back in the 80s, that was like a thing where like two guys, they're equally wacky.
Oh, here's Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield.
Bio Dome.
Just like his beard is a don't in Iron Man, his hair is a don't in Back to School.
Nice look.
Were you going for the heavy disassociated artist thing or the ongoing blind thing?
Huh?
Oh, that thing.
Make this cheer you up.
Oh, Joey.
Talented actor.
Yeah, agree, Rodney Dangerfield.
All right, so my thesis is, and we're 90% sure why, we believe it's because he decides what he wants to wear in movies.
Oh, by the way, sorry, to get back to homosexuals.
The movie Jaws, if you look at the outfits in that movie, they're all perfect.
They're not all brand new.
Rob Schneider's got his little shorts with his jacket on.
The mayor has that cool blazer that Anthony Kumia has with the anchors on it.
The guy who wants to fight the sharks.
I think I did an article about this on Street Carnage about 10 years ago.
I looked up that stylist.
He was a raging gay.
And I think men are better at everything.
And if we have a female job, like choosing outfits, I think we're still better than that.
We just use our gays.
Look at these guys.
They look fantastic.
Look up Street Carnage Jaws outfits.
That's Richard Dreyfus.
He's got a Perfectly beaten up sweatshirt.
He also wears a jean jacket with jeans in it and a little cute hat and some red wings.
Yeah, there we go.
I've discussed this subject before.
Great outfits.
Look at that.
Nicely broken in.
Keep scrolling down.
Fantastic.
Note it's not brand new.
Ladies, you're not good at getting dressed.
I'm sorry.
In fact, you look at these runway costumes.
They look ridiculous.
Look, now that is a man styling.
We're fine for fashion.
We'll just use our gaze.
You just stay at home, please.
Look at that.
Even when he's watching a kid die, he looks fantastic.
Great shirt.
I actually tried dressing like this for a while.
It's really hard to pull off.
And look at that nice old hat.
That would be brand new from Walmart if it was a chick doing this movie.
You know what?
Let's go through Iron Man and have a look at some Tony Stark's outfits because...
What is this one?
No, that's boring.
I haven't seen that suit guy.
Let's look at him for a second.
He's a styled kind of dude, guru, YouTuber.
But in a classic conservative style.
Now let's talk about Tony Stark, who seems to be the opposite of Bruce Wayne.
He's comparing Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark's.
K-Pod.
Look at that stupid, stupid, stupid snowboard jacket.
Snowboarding was cool in the 90s, and he's stuck in the 90s.
I was around in the 90s, and it was all about rave and EDM, dance music, and going to clubs, and big platform shoes and zippers on everything.
Everyone was in the future in the 90s.
And then we went, this is stupid, and stopped.
He's still there.
Look at that coat.
Now, there's fans, usually in LA, usually fat, usually a third Hispanic, who like this shit.
Like this guy.
Awesome.
That's a man.
Geeks Worldwide, what's going on?
Darth Sparrow back here with another awesome.
He made his facial hair like his, too.
If you guys have ever seen me on my show, The Geekside Plus.
Iron Man is a superhero movie for little kids, my friend.
You're dressed up as Dora the Explorer right now.
You're wearing a kid's show.
Not only with a brand new suit, but of course he brought the Stark style up another notch, like he always does in every movie that he's in.
And of course, one of the coolest things that he's doing.
So this is the only person who doesn't think that Tony Stark is the worst-dressed superhero in the world.
And he's a dork.
All right, go back to the whatever we were looking at.
Oh, yeah, the suit guy, the suit guru.
The Gutsuru.
Puzzle.
This is a good little montage.
Can you imagine being on Earth and wearing a ripped long sleeve underneath the t-shirt?
You just be going, what am I doing?
Like, that's a holdover from Grunge, but even Grunge didn't do that.
Whose idea was that?
I got to look up Robert Denny Jr. stylist.
Bruce Wayne.
He's not classic and conservative.
No, he is flashy.
He's in your face.
He understands the rules, but he decides to break them.
So he's going to wear a dark-colored suit, but he's going to mix it up with a bright red dress shirt.
He's going to bring in accessories, change small details, bring in colors which clearly send the message: hey, I understand what you want, what the dress code is, but I'm going to set my own dress code.
He's not afraid to ruffle some feathers.
He wants to be the center of attention.
All right, so who won round one?
Really, it depends on your personal taste.
If you like classic conservative, you're going to love Bruce Wayne.
If you want more flamboyant, more in your face, Tony Stark is your man.
So for this one, I'm calling it a draw.
Okay, I may have found the bitch responsible.
What's her name?
Her name is Giann Yang.
God bless you.
Giann Yang.
She's the one making this mess.
And she's not gay or anything.
There's no catch.
How are you so useless at your job, Giann?
Giann.
Her name was Ann, but people kept saying G-Ann, so she changed it.
There she is.
Yeah.
She's the bitch who has ruined all Tony Stark, all Iron Man movies with her terrible pants and her stupid snowboarding gear.
What a dork you are, Giann Yang.
Are you fucking Robert Downing Jr.?
You better be.
Because if you're just doing this for your sheer expertise, then you suck.
There, that's better.
All right, put on Iron Man 1.
Because I love that movie.
And I don't watch superhero movies.
I love that movie as far as having to take my kids to see superhero movies.
It was the most tolerable experience I've had out of all of those experiences.
I bet you every single outfit in this movie is annoying.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is that a non-annoying suit?
Wait.
I would have to say no.
There's got to be some little zipper where it's not supposed to be or something.
Or he'll have like a fish in the front pocket.
Well, first of all, Agent Coulson.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The guy from the Strategic Home.
Stop the presses.
That shirt fits.
The top button's done.
He's got a bow tie.
He's not annoying.
You need a new name for that?
Yeah, I hear that a lot.
Listen, I know this must be a trying time for you, but we need to keep going.
Let's scroll to the next ensemble.
You don't think that there's some anomaly there?
No.
Huh.
Oh, God.
Gwyneth Paltrow in that last end of the world thing where she's an Iron Man?
Yeah.
Why are you halfway through the movie?
It's peeking.
No, we're starting at the beginning, you fuckhead.
Oh.
Why wouldn't you start at the beginning?
It was just there.
I guess it must have been playing or something.
Okay, pause.
Look at this.
So you go, oh, Good, he's wearing a suit.
All right, look at that.
Is that the top two buttons undone?
Why are you doing that?
Is that supposed to look casual?
The guy from the Libertines can pull that off, but don't, guys.
Let me just explain something to you: do not have your top button undone.
You look like a fucking amateur, you look like someone who is going for their first job interview.
It's embarrassing.
You're wearing a shirt that doesn't fit you, so you don't know how to buy shirts.
It makes it look terrible to your prospective employer.
You look dumb to your boss.
To other dudes, you look like you're dressed up for work.
You shouldn't look like you're dressed up for work.
You shouldn't look like the second you get home, you change into those stupid basketball shorts that look like a dress and some wife beater, and then you've got your little stupid sockets, your little ankle socks with your sliders, your shower shoes.
And then you go to the bodega and you get a fucking Arizona iced tea and watch a football game.
Fuck you.
Excellent bone structure there.
I'm kind of having a hard time not looking at you now.
Is that weird?
Come on, it's okay.
Laugh.
Hey!
Sir, I have a question now.
So that's enough.
That's one outfit.
Let's scroll to the next one.
He blows up.
He gets kidnapped.
He builds an Iron Man suit in jail.
Like, no, go back to that montage.
At least the terrorists were Muslim in that movie.
That was cool.
And not some French white nationalist like in diehard.
Okay, that's not bad.
That's bad.
70s suit for some stupid reason.
His dad looks awesome.
John Stark, whatever his name is.
Photoshopping these things always sucks, doesn't it?
That one's bad.
They're always bad.
I had a whole collection on Instagram until I was banned for exposing the truth about shitty Photoshop in movies.
Again, with the top button undone.
I'm going to play by your rules, okay?
Tony ushers in a new era for his father's legacy.
Look at that.
But the tie was sideways.
The tie knot, yeah.
It's always like he just loosened it.
Is that Jian Yang's idea?
Tony is a man of the world.
It wouldn't be funny if we got on the show and just berated her.
Like the way Tucker shits on some Antifa dude.
We were the same way.
But Jan, what have you done?
What have you done?
You've ruined a character and you've shown young people how not to dress.
What's with the snowboard shit?
Is that all right?
That's not terrible, I guess.
A 70s tie, though?
Gucci's really into 70s.
I don't, it makes me think of B.O. O. Teriology.
This is the tree of life.
Wait, just pause.
Let's just take a tangent now.
Look up Terrence Howard interview Emmys.
I saw it the other day, and he said he's retiring because of the flower of life.
He's discovered that one times one is two, and instead of acting, what does he say?
Acting like I can walk on water?
Simbo.
He is going to follow these Simbos.
Sambos.
Sambo.
I'm gone from Sambo to Simbo.
I'm done pretending.
Whoa.
Gianna Yang again?
What's it like working on the last few shows?
I mean, it's sort of training into PTSD because you know with the schedule that Fox put together for Empire, it's a lot of high drama, a lot of overall drama.
So there's a lot of emotional baggage that they're going to cram into this one year to make sure they get all of their storylines.
So we've got a bunch of therapists lined up so that we'll be able to walk through that place and maybe come out together.
So when you found out that this season would be the last, how did you find out and what was your initial reaction?
Lee Daniels called me and he said, how many more do you want to do?
I said, none.
He said, okay, good, because we're thinking about this being the final one.
I was like, thank God.
Thank God.
Well, you know, my character has never had a good day.
The side of her face is really nice to look at.
Had a good day and as actor.
My camera's blocking.
Look at that nose.
Oh, you don't see that?
Oh, she is insanely attractive.
That's ridiculous.
What a smoker.
That's got to be, you need a little bit of Spanish in you.
And the lip, look at the lip just jutting out like me.
Oh, my God.
Perfect.
She's literally perfect.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm not seeing anything wrong here.
You want to know the most attractive a woman's ever been?
Wake up.
Lily Allen dressed as a sailor.
Look up Lily Allen's sailor suit.
It's just dictionary boner.
If you want to find out if your son's gay, don't wait.
Don't start too young.
But like around 13 or 14, go, is this insane?
Is this stuck in your head for the rest of your life?
Oh, that's pretty sick.
And if he goes, hey, dad, that Lily Allen picture you showed me, I can't stop thinking about it.
He looks like Rihanna, but like better.
But you know what else is great about it?
Look at when she gets out of the...
There you go.
I saw a nip.
She's kind of frail.
You know, like women, when women walk like a deer, go back to her getting out of the car.
She has this sort of like ladiness about her, like, oops, I'm getting out of a car.
Better be careful.
Black leather.
The crossed legs is what does that.
Oh, my God.
Look at her face.
She's kind of slutty.
Go to that one.
No, go to that one.
No.
Yeah, that one.
Look at her eyes.
Oh, and look at the way her shoulders are up in the second one.
Oh, go, be careful.
I'm in very high heels.
Oh, she's British?
She's a Britishy?
Yes, Ryan.
Lily Allen is.
I don't know that fudge.
I mean, that's just it.
This Lily Allen in a sailor costume, it might be tacky, ladies, I know.
But we don't care.
We're not big on high-end fashion.
Nope, stop showing that.
Just show sailor suit.
Okay.
You want to see what her underarms look like?
It doesn't get prettier than that.
You should be here for Halloween if you're not a hideous fat pig.
Look at that.
Holy S-H-I-T.
All right, we're off at a 10.
Oh, my God.
That was a good one.
Go back.
Oh, my God.
The way they go boom and then boom.
Yeah, the double boom.
Who?
That's pretty sick.
Wow.
All right.
Well, anyway, back to work.
Ruined my day.
No, she's fat and ugly and stupid now and a real annoying refugee bitch who talks about how we need to take in more refugees.
Oh, nobody said I'd listen to her.
But you could see if you got her now, that she's 40 or whatever, and said, can you put on the sailor suit?
And she goes, ta-da!
And you go, oh, I sold my soul to the devil for this.
And so you, I think I heard you say that you were done with acting after this.
Is that true?
Or is that a big old line?
I can find yourself.
I've been spent 37 years pretending to be people.
Peepo.
Peepo.
No, I've spent 37 years pretending to be people so people can watch me pretend.
And I think it's time just to be Terry for a while.
I think I've served, like I talked to Sidney 48 years ago, and I said, aren't you going to come back and do one more thing?
And he said, I think I've done my best.
And I don't want to do an impersonation of myself.
And as you know, I've got my book, One Times One Equals Two.
And I want to go and promote and teach the new geometry.
Imagine he took that laugh seriously.
He was like, who the fuck laughing at me?
This is my Sim Baus.
As you know, I'm sure as everyone's familiar with my book, One Times One Equals Two.
I mean, it's redundant.
It's like J.D. Salinger talking about Catcher in the Rye.
Duh.
My book you've all read.
I don't want to be redundant here.
You know what's weird?
I think I have to read that.
You're going to order that book?
Yeah.
Just look at your mic control if you want to.
One times one equals two.
Terrence D. Howard.
One times one equals two.
Proof.
Oh, look at this.
He's proved it.
So mathematicians everywhere are scratching their head.
I don't see the book, though.
Well, I don't know what you mean by serious.
Do you think that there's legitimate, like, scientists are actually baffled?
Oh, my God, Ryan.
No.
I don't think that mathematicians are baffled by teriology.
Teriology rules.
Professional people in the academics of mathematics do not believe that Terrence Howard has rewritten geometry and math.
Dang it.
Wow.
You really, you never seem to amaze me.
As P. Diddy once said.
One times one equals two.
Book.
I don't see it.
Pepo.
Pepo.
Yeah, there's no book on Amazon that he's written.
This is pretty good.
Terrence Howard, Hustle and Flow.
There's a bunch of stuff here.
There's no one times one.
So how would she have read the book if you can't buy it?
Yeah, there's nothing here.
There's a book about Empire that he's on the cover of.
There's an issue of Playgirl that he's in.
There's no one times one he goes due.
Wow.
He's got a Terrence Howard quiz book where you can ask Terrence Howard questions.
All right, go back to his Emmy speech because we're missing the best part.
And turn it up.
I can't hear shit.
And I want to go and promote and teach the new geometry.
So are you thinking of working on things behind the scenes or is it?
I'm teaching new geometry, lady.
No, no, the entertainment, we're the only creatures in the universe that spend our day watching each other with all of our brain potential.
I put 37 years into that, you know, and I think I would like...
I don't know, but geez.
I think it's easier to come up with to find animals that don't constantly stare at each other.
Monkeys, bird calls are all about defining your territory and where you're at.
Dogs are always looking at each other.
They're obsessed with each other and each other's assholes.
Who doesn't look at each other all the time?
We're also the only animals that do a lot of things.
Worms don't stare at each other?
No, they wouldn't.
Bats?
I want to be more like a worm and have, you know, the symbo of a worm is just a line, right?
Which is a one lying on its side.
If you pick up a one and you multiply it by one, you get two.
Because one, one is two.
Think about it.
One, one is either two or eleven or two worms.
You can't show me a lie.
A lot of people don't understand those symbos.
Peepo.
I'd like to spend the rest of my life, you know, doing something better for humanity or utilizing my brain for something other than memorizing and saying someone's lines.
So what were you thinking?
I mean, are you going to get Go ahead.
More into philanthropy or activism?
Well, the activism is more than anything.
So what I want is the truth to be told.
The truth about lying.
Can you just pause it here?
Can you fucking believe this?
That a man, a world-famous man, is on mainstream television discussing the lie that one times one is one.
That one, one is just one.
Terrence, this is one pair of glasses.
I know it's deceiving because I said pair.
This is one pair of glasses.
One times one is one.
Now, this is two pairs of glasses, okay?
So it's one pair of glasses, but there's two of them.
So one times two is one, two.
That's not a lie, my friend.
I'm telling you the truth.
All right, let's get back to Iron Man 1.
Because he's not doing so bad.
No.
Oh, and Terrence Howard is in Iron Man.
Yeah, that's why we went on that spiral.
yeah.
Right back to the...
I don't care about symbos or people.
Well, they're about to do that.
This is one of those movies where you know the nice guy is going to be the bad guy.
What is all this shit up here?
Oh, there we go.
Go back.
Wait, What's he got on there?
Is that a maroon ascot?
Wait a minute.
What the fuck is he wearing?
I can't see it.
Just a black suit with a red, like a burgundy shirt.
Yeah.
That's not hell on earth.
Colored sunglasses.
Maybe I'm going to be disproved here.
No, no, the colored sunglasses is totally unacceptable.
What grown man wears colored sunglasses to an event that happens at night?
When I watch him and I look at all the symbos on his shirt, it makes me hate people.
What's he got on now?
Just a regular.
Oh, I remember this scene.
And I remember this is where I started hating him and his fucking dumb outfits.
But your screen seems kind of dark, dude.
Was that just the movie?
That's normal.
Let's see what symbios he's got here.
So he's got an inside-out long underwear shirt on.
There's that people.
Tawin's Hallowed.
Let me know, and I'll get you a bottle, okay?
Hey.
Look at those glasses.
You know who wears glasses like that?
It's really irritating.
Who?
Geraldo.
Damn, he's in this cave for a long time.
He's still wearing his inside-out shirt?
Let's see some cave fashion.
I don't care about cave fashion.
You can't really criticize someone when they're being held captive in a cave.
Yeah, I guess so.
Okay, here we go.
There's something.
What is that?
A sling.
Oh, he heard his arm escaping from the cave.
So that's very basic, also, sure.
This isn't so bad.
I thought this would be a major coup.
I even rented sunglasses for it.
Well, this is before he's Iron Man.
Post-Iron Man, he's like, I'm a target.
Hey, go back, go back.
You had him in a leather jacket thing.
I'm not doing a good enough job.
We can do better.
Again, brand new, Genie Yang.
Brand new layers.
What you need is time to get your mind right.
Serious.
It's nice seeing you, Tom.
Thanks.
Thanks.
All right, this is getting tedious.
I think we're done.
My thought is that he becomes Iron Man and then he starts wearing goofy shit.
Because he's like...
I had sunglasses on.
Jesus.
The screen's much brighter now that I don't have fucking dark glasses on my eyeballs.
You times the glasses by one.
This was at the beginning.
That's not bad.
So far, he's like 50% terrible.
This was not the coup I expected.
This was the first one, though.
To be fair.
Okay, now here he is in his office.
I bet his top button is undone yet.
Yeah, and his tie is off to the side.
Look at this.
I had these shirts tailor-made.
You know how uncomfortable it is to wear the top button done up?
Zero.
Look at my neck.
Is it hanging over the edge?
It is not.
No, look, I can get a whole finger in there.
I'm perfectly comfortable.
By the way, old dudes, when you get that Ronald Reagan turkey thing hanging down, grow a beard.
You look like a sad turtle.
This is now Iron Man 2.
You're into Iron Man 2 now?
Yes.
Wait, what happened to Iron Man 1?
You skipped all through it.
Yep.
A lot of him in a cave.
So this has cost me eight bucks so far.
Yeah.
Right?
$3.99 twice.
Is this okay what he's wearing there?
That's perfectly fine.
He looks great.
Tuxedo?
Jesus.
You're watching someone.
This is the trouble with the left.
They'll have a thesis like Tony Starks looks like shit.
They'll do their research.
They'll find that only 50% of the time he looks like shit.
And they'll say, Iron Man misrepresents Tony Stark's fashion and tries to portray him as sometimes dressing well using lies and trickery.
It's fine what he's wearing right there, too.
Sure, a little 70s, but whatever.
We're still doing pretty good for Tone.
This is a dumb episode of Get Off My Lawn.
I thought of this last night, by the way, and I was like, you know what we should start doing, man?
I texted you.
Let's start thinking outside the box and do a whole Tony Starks episode.
Yeah, but this, I know what you're talking about.
Like, the snowboard jackets, the weird shit.
I've seen it.
Is this the one with the wrestler guy?
Yeah.
I thought that was Iron Man 3.
What's he got on there?
Regular shit?
No, that's a dumbass shirt, and he's got snowboard pants on.
Not to mention how irritating his goatee is.
This is the one that Justin Thoreau wrote.
I watched it with my kids, and I was just like, I don't give a fuck about any of these characters.
You can kill Iron Man.
You can kill the wrestler guy.
You can kill Gary Shandling.
Don't care.
Kill all the people.
The people.
Terrence Howard's been the best part of this whole show.
Yeah.
You got another outfit for us?
You can show yourself scrolling, by the way.
Unfortunately, that looks...
That's okay.
I am trying.
370s kind of a look, but I keep saying that.
Let me see.
I'm almost ready to blow another $4 on not Endgame, but what was before that?
Infinity Wars?
Infinity Wars?
Can you teach me to do Robert Downey Jr.?
Yeah, just...
Yeah, just...
You're going to want to put a lot of...
Just keep the air pretty much in your mouth.
The words are coming out weird.
It's coming out weird.
Is he bleeding?
Yep.
It's movie blood.
Yep.
It's movie blood.
That's pretty good.
Hey, Thor, love the whole hammer thing.
That's really cool.
Can we just push that meeting back about five, six minutes?
All right.
I have to save myself.
I put all my money on this.
I went to betdsi.com and used the promo code Gavin.
And I bet that Tony Stark is the worst dressed superhero in the history of superheroes.
I'm willing to spend another $3.99 if you were to go to Infinity Wars.
Well, I don't know if we have to go that far.
We already bought Iron Man 3.
Jesus Christ, I'm $12 in the hole now.
That's right here.
Okay, so here he is.
Donning a thing.
Alright, that's a party hat.
We'll let it go.
Is his shirt on button super low?
That's dorky.
This is where things start to ramp up.
As far as bad looks go, what was Iron Man 3?
I don't remember.
Oh, this is the one with Age of Ultron, I believe.
I'm not sure.
What's Age of Ultron again?
Oh, that's the guy with the funny.
Oh, wait, no, that's an Avengers movie.
I don't know what the hell this one is.
You can tell he's evil.
Right out of the gate.
Yeah.
It's like a Scooby-Doo episode.
You're a handsome guy dressed as a nerd.
You're obviously evil and you're going to kill everyone.
Alright, here's him trying out some robotics.
He's wearing Iron Man shit.
Oh, he's got a dumb shirt on.
Are you enjoying this folks at home watching us watch TV?
Oh, here we go.
Yeah.
Oh, few.
What kind of t-shirt is that?
It's all Olympic snowboarding gear.
Like, what is that thing?
I don't know.
You go to bed.
I come down here.
I do want to know.
Eh.
It's a skin-tight Under Armour shirt.
And then you'll have baggy pants on and, like, pumas or something.
I can't move it out.
Like a scuba diver guy.
Yeah.
Scuba diver guy.
Keep scrolling.
Okay, scrolling through.
What's the name of his butler?
Jarvis?
Jarvis?
You're my Jarvis.
Jarvis?
Um.
Can you just skip through real quick, Jarvis?
It reminds me of my Tommy Lee Jones impression.
Let's hear Tommy Lee Jones.
I'm Tommy Lee Jones.
It's like there's an active volcano.
You're not part of the Man in Black.
What do you think?
I'm kind of...
I got to be honest, I'm kind of freaking out.
That this is...
Tune in to Get Off My Lawn on Monday, where we will prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that Tony Starks is the worst dressed superhero ever.
And people go, oh, awesome.
I can't wait to tune in.
What is this shit?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, but his regular, you know, walking around stuff in real life looks like kapoops.
Dude, I don't remember this at all.
I might not have seen this.
I don't remember it either.
Was there a notable bad guy?
No, I remember it.
That nerd guy.
I know I sounded prescient when I predicted he was a bad guy, but I've seen the movie before.
There he is.
And he's jealous or something.
And it was sort of like in the Incredibles where we could have been a team.
You didn't have my back.
And now I have superpowers and I hurt people.
And it was glowing and shit.
I do not remember this.
Look, look at that shirt.
Aim, the American Indian movement.
Okay, this is it.
Spend another $4 and get Infinity Wars.
Infinity Wars isn't the most recent one, right?
No, that's endgame.
Okay.
So do Infinity Wars, and it's double or nothing.
We're putting all our chips on black.
James Bond seen in the movie.
I'm pushing all my chips over here.
If my point isn't made by Infinity War, I'm fucked.
You're not buying these, are you?
No, renting.
$3.99, not $10.99.
Absolutely.
100%.
I am parsimonious, as you may have noticed.
And when people don't understand that, I say, check out Scrooge McDuck.
If you see Mick in someone's name, they're cheap.
Okay, we got Starks.
Or is it just Stark?
And I'm doing what black people do.
Pluralizing names.
You're totally rambling.
No, I'm not.
You've lost me.
Look, you know how you're having a dream.
You're having a dream, right?
Oh, yes.
And then you're like, oh, my God.
Yeah.
He's got a weird sweater in July wrapped around his shape.
Wrapped around him like a shawl.
And some skin-tight orthopedic scuba suit.
It looks like something like track runners would train in.
Yeah, it's like Lululemon.
Which I think athletes wear that stuff in order to stay warm.
Like baseball players will wear it in the fall so their arm doesn't get too cold.
They want to keep the blood flowing.
You don't need it on a day-to-day basis in the summer.
That collar.
Look at that.
Wait, what happened to his shirt?
Wasn't that tied up around his neck a second ago?
She just unplugged it or whatever the hell.
She undid it.
Oh, that's the jacket that that guy got in the mail.
Yes.
now it's tied up again.
Hey, we just found a, oh, I'm sorry.
Continuity error.
Yeah.
Yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow, by the way, is going to save the world by wearing an Iron Man suit.
Hi, I'm Benedict Cumberbatch.
Hi, I'm Mark Ruffalo.
Say goodbye to your patriarchy.
Yeah, them pants are baggy, man.
Yeah, baggy pants and skin-tight tops is his trademark, which makes you look like a bell.
This is what you look like when you wear skin-tight pants and big...
Yeah, that's a bad look.
All right, keep going.
I need to be proven right.
Okay.
And this is his jacket in all its glory.
Why aren't you showing it, shithead?
Oh.
He's just watching a movie by himself.
Look at those stupid glasses.
I'm back.
I made it.
You see, you got to persevere, guys.
Trust your instincts.
Admit you're wrong when you're wrong, but make sure you're wrong.
I was not wrong.
I was almost wrong.
Now I'm feeling greedy, but I want to keep going.
Not this scene, obviously.
The Iron Man costume.
By the way, I can't remember who pointed this out, but why does the Iron Man costume have abs?
I think Howard Stern pointed that out.
Why do they have abs, Robin?
Of all people.
But it is retarded.
You have a muscular suit on?
Now I think they're just in space the rest of the movie.
It's the same as Batman's vest.
Why does Batman have abs now?
They're in space the rest of the movie?
Yeah, or some other crap.
Yeah, there's not a lot of places where he's dressed normal.
Maybe at the end when there's some sort of resolution.
Isn't this the one where there's a computer virus?
No, this is the one where there's the big purple man.
I know his name, but Thanos?
Thanos?
That's the end.
That's the most recent one.
No, he's also in Infinity War.
Because there's the one where...
Oh, I remember that part.
There's the one where he allows a computer virus to get into the mainframe and destroy Earth because it'll be best for everyone.
There's a bunch of aliens in it and stuff.
Anyway, I'm not spending any more money to make my point.
Folks, we're out of time.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Tony Stark Homecoming.
Okay, he's got a case of the Justin Trudeau's in Homecoming, where he dresses like Indigenous People.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I don't understand that kind of symboism.
Oh, so he's every different race in Spider-Man.
Oh, good.
Yeah, he does this.
Wow, this was looking really bad for a while there.
There's that.
I mean, you can eat.
Oh, yeah, that's awesome.
You're only getting the shoulders and the neck, and it's still really crazy looking.
You see that, folks?
I persevered, and I won.
I was right.
I was scared.
It's sort of like running a business.
The first two years, you're not going to make any money, but you have to keep trying.
You have to believe in yourself.
You have to get fired.
You have to be brave.
You have to get fired.
Get in trouble.
You have to get fired.
You have to get in trouble.
You have to be brave.
And you have to never stop fighting.
Jarvis, take us out.
I'm cool.
I just can't take people to shop.
Like, what you screaming about?
You holding high.
Do you need to be locked?
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