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Aug. 26, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:03:07
S02E51 - AND WE’RE BACK
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Time Text
I know pain is as natural as the rain.
I just thought it didn't rain.
California Oh shit I have a red vest on Yeah.
That's really bad, isn't it?
Jeez.
Louise.
Yeah, you know what's funny about this sunburn too is I was sitting on the beach and my where these friends show up at like 3.30.
And they go, what are you doing?
Because they're all sunscreening up.
I go, you get sunburned from 11 till 3.
You're sitting there lathering and their daughter comes on.
She's like 10.
I go, stop.
You're not going to get sunburned anymore.
And then the next day I woke up just red lobster for the seafood lover in you.
And this is two days ago.
I've had this for two days.
This armpit you're seeing is two days old.
Look at that line.
That's terrifying.
But I'm still right.
I got this sunburn between 11 and 2.
I wore nothing.
I was under the impression that I had a little bit of African in me.
Apparently not.
What does your back look like?
It's not that bad.
Oh, no, it is.
That's a drastic different color than...
My arms were like this.
Yeah.
Forever.
Many hours, yeah.
Jeez, man.
Yeah.
This second angle really shows the redness.
I think the saturation's up or something.
Oh, let me see.
Well, I can't see because the camera's in the way.
It looks brutal.
So we don't have anything prepared.
Right.
So that's why we made it live.
Just spice it up.
Just let you know that the mic wasn't on for two seconds where you said goodbye, Brazy Point in the intro.
Why wasn't the mic on?
Because if that came up, then it would echo.
I put it down just to make sure that we don't stream some private info.
Yeah, we should have streamed some private info because the private info was that you kept fucking up.
I come into the studio.
I'm late, by the way.
Very late.
And he's napping.
I ran into things to do.
After we talked about napping.
Yeah, I ran into things to do sitting here.
And I was like, all right, let me sit on the couch and catch up with some things.
Like napping?
Baby's nap.
Geriatrics nap.
You're 29.
I got done 30.
I think I have Lyme's disease.
No joke.
That has to be.
That's good?
Yeah.
That's terrible.
No, it answers so many questions.
No, no, no.
Yes, it does.
I'm not mad at you.
You're like, if you were diagnosed with Down syndrome, I would go, no, no, no, no.
You're a genius.
I'd be so proud.
Right.
Of your boy.
So if you're sick and dying, that's great news.
I don't think I'm dying, but I'd.
Lyme disease is like dying.
It's like multiple sclerosis.
Yeah, I have it.
I'm sure of it.
I live upstate New York most of the time.
Did you ever have a bullseye?
Yeah.
I went to the, after California, I came back and I had this.
What do you mean after California?
When I came back from California.
Do you think my life, my calendar goes by when Ryan was in California?
Oh, yes.
My daughter was born shortly after Ryan got back from California.
AC.
Post-California.
Post-AC.
When was that?
Yeah, a couple years ago.
Did you think that's the one?
Okay, that's my German Siri.
Apparently we said something to make it go off.
Why is your phone on?
You're already up to like seven mistakes.
No, it's muted.
But if you say something that sounds like hey, Siri in German.
What's hey, Sirian German?
I haven't figured it out yet.
I just hold the button down.
His Siri is in German, by the way, folks at home.
Because he thinks that will teach him German.
That was pretty good.
So we got the Siri thing.
That counts as a mistake.
You're on a show.
Shit for brains.
we have the That was Vampire Weekend, by the way.
Cheating on, cheating on me.
It's kind of been the theme song for the summer.
My kids are even singing it a lot, which sounds weird hearing a 10-year-old sing about someone cheating on him.
What else?
Lyme disease.
Took you nine years to set everything up.
That's not really a mistake, though.
Napping.
Napping in there.
So three big mistakes so far.
This thing, you hate that.
You don't know.
That's nothing, dude.
You have no idea how annoying you are if you think that's particularly annoying.
So yeah, vacation's over.
We're going to start getting serious.
I guess tomorrow we'll get more hardcore with the news, Antifa stuff, Donald Trump stuff, free speech stuff.
We forgot to talk about Laura Loomer's case, which seems to be doing well.
Although, I don't want to trivialize her success, but I fear that this next step that the judge okayed her complaint to go through is just a technicality.
It's not that much of a dancing in the streets win.
But I'll take it.
It's a great step to her exposing big tech, and you were on your phone.
Who are you talking to?
The technician?
Yes.
Why?
Was there a problem with this live feed?
Five minutes ago, he said we weren't live.
But everything over here is normal.
Okay, so they missed the beginning of the show if they tuned in live?
Oh, okay, no.
Something was totally broken on the apps.
It's fixed.
Okay, so on the site, we would have been live.
Okay, yeah, we're good.
That's you.
All right, cool.
What was that win thing?
That was your voice coming.
I would just check the stream to see if it lies.
I guess we caught up on your vacation where you pay your lesbian friends to hang out with you.
We got that.
That's one way to put it, yeah.
But I had a fight with my wife we should discuss.
Right.
You seem kind of happy about this fight because you're like, wow, your life is kind of messed up too sometimes.
I don't think it's funny because it's messed up.
I just think it's like a kind of a cutesy fight.
And the fight is that my wife got the word fireball tattooed on her neck.
And she doesn't see how people Will immediately think of the whiskey when she says that, even though it's in a different font, it's in like an old school tattoo font.
That's cool.
Okay, I was having a hard time picturing it, but it's old-school tattoo.
And there's no fireball on it.
And she just likes fireballs.
I don't even, what is a fireball?
I've heard fire plug in reference to like, wow, she's a real fireplug.
But what is a like, do they occur in nature?
Is it when an asteroid comes through the Earth's atmosphere and bursts into flames?
Is that a fireball?
What's a literal fireball?
Not the whiskey.
Fireball definition.
A ball of flame or fire.
Yeah, but how does it occur in nature?
Oh, okay, here.
A crashed tanker exploded in a fireball.
A large bright meteor.
Or historical, a ball filled with combustibles or explosives fired at enemy or enemy fortifications.
A ball of explosives, like a cannon?
Or a person with a fiery temper or a great deal of energy.
Yeah, yeah, we got that.
That's not the question.
The question is, I like how you put your finger up.
Or, and then you use the metaphorical fireball.
I'm talking about literal fireballs.
Maybe look it up on YouTube.
Maybe there's a video.
It'd be cool if there's a thing where there's some sort of natural gas spring and then every four days, a giant ball of fire appears.
This, wait, I think this helps because up until the 1950s, the term fireball was barely used.
So it is kind of trending upwards.
Shut up, Brian.
It's getting more popular.
Just go to YouTube and see if you can find a fireball in nature.
Because if it just means an explosion, I mean, those are relatively spherical.
Sure.
They're not really balls.
Like, it goes.
And then there's like the tree part, like a nuclear explosion.
Holy shit, I thought of a funny joke.
You know what?
I woke up with the terrors last night, and I was thinking, I was just like doing odd jobs in my brain, which people that aren't retarded do.
Like you just go to sleep because there's nothing else.
I do little puzzles.
I do puzzles too.
So I went through your set as your set you did at Guitar Wizard.
Imperial Guitar.
And I started rewriting it.
Did you?
Yeah.
And I thought of some jokes you could add.
My dad is Japanese.
He was around a lot.
I remember there's a lot of fighting, and then poof, he was gone.
It was kind of like Hiroshima.
Like a lot of yelling, and then foom, in a cloud of smoke, he was gone.
Gotcha.
But I still talk to him sometimes.
You know, I still hang out with him.
We're close.
You know, I see him every 10 years or so, and we hang out for three hours.
And he's a very subdued dude.
So he's like, Ryan, we have to get somewhere.
We'll go to the beach, maybe.
But because he's kind of a Luddite, when he sends emails, they're in all caps.
Yes.
And it's Nagasaki all over again.
It's like, who put a quarter in you?
So he goes, Ryan, we need to go to the beach on Friday.
Oh, no.
Did you watch the set again?
No, I remember it.
Okay.
And you really ham up the screaming?
Yeah.
And then other people would get mad at him.
And then I thought, wait a minute, maybe that's why him and my mom split up.
Because she thought he was yelling.
The whole time.
And he's so subdued that when he blew up on the email, she went, that's it.
I can't handle it.
I must have really pissed him off.
She doesn't want to see him because she's like, wow, this guy's pissed.
And then you let a beat go.
You let the laughter die and you go, I'm an orphan of all caps.
That is funny.
I'm an all-caps orphan.
That is very funny.
Yeah.
I also had a nightmare that I know it's boring to talk about your dreams, but I woke up and then just made this into a movie.
Ready for this?
So the nightmare is that these women, this woman at a restaurant who co-owns a restaurant with her husband, she's been given this drug that makes her paralyzed.
She's still awake and everything.
And then two men rape her.
So you see her and they draw up the scene and they make the man, like you make it, it's a horror movie, really.
And you make the man like, and you just show her like absolute terror, but she can't do anything.
Maybe you see a tear sort of go, right?
It's not sexual, don't get me wrong.
So then I woke up and I was wanted for setting that up.
I didn't do the actual raping, but I have a lot of, believe it or not, I have a lot of nightmares about being falsely accused.
So I woke up and I was happy that, you know, when you think you lost your passport and you wake up and you realize it was just a dream.
I was happy I wasn't wanted for the most sadistic rapes in the history of America.
Then I thought, okay, how's this for a movie?
It's about a stalker.
Remember Robin Williams when he was the photographer and he collected pictures of people?
One hour photo.
One hour photo.
So it's kind of like that.
Did you ever show a fireball video?
I have one queued up.
Why didn't you just show it while I'm talking?
I don't want to interrupt you.
Fireball.
That's true, Jim Gaffigan fireball.
Why is he always hungry than fireballs?
Why is it exploding in the sky?
Hopefully it's made of bacon.
It's so pale.
He's so pale and fat.
That's cool.
It's a stalker type of guy, right?
Yeah.
And like Robin Williams in One Hour Photo, and he becomes obsessed with this really friendly, gregarious restaurant owner who's a really lovable guy, kind of a me kind of a guy, and his beautiful wife, loving wife, and they run this big restaurant.
It's got a bar, it's got different sections, got an outdoor section.
It's a pretty successful restaurant in a nice town like Vermont, right?
And this guy becomes obsessed with them.
And in the beginning of the movie, the obsessed guy seems like an okay guy.
And you're seeing him.
And then we start to see him looking at the wife.
And then they show him like this, like, and so he starts befriending the owner.
The owner often tends bar.
And the stalker becomes friendly with the owner.
And you can steal this for a movie, by the way.
And then he starts doing odd jobs around the restaurant for him, and they become friends.
And then the stalker decides, I'm in love with his wife.
I want her, and I want this restaurant.
And so he gets involved in like, he somehow finds criminals.
I got to figure that out.
But he sets up these guys.
he pays them $10,000 each to rape this woman, to gang rape her, and he gets the drugs and everything, right?
His plan is to...
So, this is another interesting twist of the film.
She's kind of a feminist icon where she doesn't let herself be defined by this rape and she continues to go to work.
And yes, she's shredded inside.
And yes, she has nightmares.
Yes, she's traumatized, but she keeps going to work and she keeps struggling.
So she's kind of, she kind of might be the protagonist of the whole film.
Maybe I wrote a chick flick.
Maybe it's J-Lo.
But anyway, so he says to the restaurant owner, I'm so fucking pissed about this.
What's his name?
Mark.
Marcus?
Yeah, Marcus.
I'm so fucking pissed about this, Marcus.
I'm going to help you get these guys.
Now, of course, Marcus, the guy who owns a restaurant, is insane with rage, right?
Charles Bronson shit.
So what he does is, with the goading of this psycho-stalker, they find the guys and he like drops them off.
He goes, I think I found them.
Meanwhile, of course, you found them.
You hired them to do the raping.
And he somehow washes his hands of it and brings this maybe Malcolm's a better name?
Brings this Marcus guy to where they are, gives them a gun and everything.
And he says the cereal lumber's been rubbed off.
It's safe.
He kills them.
But, of course, murder, it's the hardest thing in the world to pull off.
He gets caught, goes to jail, even though it's vigilante justice.
The judge doesn't care.
You can't go murdering people.
So he gets like 25 years.
And then the owner of the restaurant says, while you're there, can you look after the restaurant while I'm gone?
And he goes, I'll try, man.
I'll try.
So he starts looking after the restaurant.
And he now, he has his life.
And then he starts hitting on the wife.
She's not going to see her husband for 25 years.
She's going to have some wine.
She's still traumatized.
And then he starts slowly seducing the wife.
Now, that's all where I am with it.
Okay.
Now, maybe there could be some giveaway.
Like he wants her, when he has sex with her, he wants her to act paralyzed.
Oh, okay.
Or he only wants to have sex with her when she's like blackout, drunk, passed out, and she wakes up in the middle of it.
And she starts realizing what's going on.
So maybe she starts piecing it together.
And then she goes to the jail.
She still visits him.
And then he goes, you need to get out of there.
Holy shit, you're right.
He is evil, blah, blah, blah.
And she goes, I'm not going anywhere.
And then she starts seducing him and getting him to spill the beans.
And they make him confess.
Oh, okay.
Not confess, but they managed to trap him and, you know, get him on tape or whatever.
She honeypots him.
Honeypots him.
Yeah.
Uses her feminine wails.
Is that the word?
Wiles.
Like almost like she starts introducing that she likes it.
So she'll like be tied up.
Help.
I can't.
And then he gets out of jail.
The husband gets out of jail.
I'd have to talk to a lawyer about that, but couldn't you say like I was basically forced to kill those guys?
That would take a while.
Maybe he gets out of jail like maybe he does eight years.
And then they get out and they save and they're happy again.
That's good.
What do you think of my horror thriller?
I think the eight years helps because that makes there's more.
It's plausible.
No matter what the conditions, you can't just kill someone who raped your wife.
Right.
I mean, I want you to.
Yeah.
But as far as the law goes, you have to go to jail for a little bit.
And that's eight years that these two are together, the stalker and the victim chick.
No.
No, dumbass.
They're not together?
Nobody wants to watch a movie where Satan is fucking your wife for eight years.
They have sex like once.
He's in jail.
The whole her figuring out what's going on is only going to be like six months.
Oh, okay.
But you know the key to this movie is you have to make the guy, the psycho, really likable and cool.
So when you first see him looking at the wife's ass or whatever, you're just like, oh, well, shit happens.
Kind of rooting for him.
Whatever.
I mean, who hasn't coveted thy neighbor's wife?
And then he does it like a few more times and you're sort of going, all right, buddy, take it easy.
And then you don't want to admit that he's a psycho killer.
And you get, and like you're mad at yourself now.
Dang.
Because you're like, I fucking like that guy.
All right, I think my nipples are a little too hard for television.
They're a little too pink to be seen.
They're kind of blending right.
That's a good t-shirt.
Too pink to be seen.
We do, we need a printer.
It's the Caucasian equivalent of too black, too strong.
Too pink.
To be seen.
That's pretty dope.
That's our new John Cena.
You can't see me.
Anyway, so we got to talk about this fight with the wife and the fireball tattoo.
You were saying that one of the reasons...
Fireball.
Okay.
You were saying one of the reasons that she's being so stubborn about it and refusing to admit it was a mistake is that she can't remove it.
So it's like...
It's like a black person saying, I love being black.
What else are you going to say?
Not that black people don't like to be black.
That's a terrible analogy.
It's like a white person saying they love being white?
It's like you get a blue car and then it winds up being all shitty.
And then somebody else got the same car, but it's red, and they're like, I like this red car better.
And everybody's like, yeah, well, I like the blue one better.
You know what is good about your analogies?
It makes me understand the etymology of the term stink because they're so bad, I almost can smell them.
They're stinky?
They're stinky.
No, it's like someone with no arms.
Like, I kind of like it.
I wouldn't want arms.
Anyway.
But I think the reason, hold on, before that I got there is because we had good points, though, of saying, like, that's a team thing where you say if she dyed her hair, hopefully you want to check in with your significant other.
Just dye it back.
But that's something that you should clear with your significant other.
Hey, I'm going to dye my hair.
What do you think?
Yeah, that's valid.
If you do it by yourself, Right.
And I would be so mad.
But I mean, I wouldn't.
It's her choice, obviously.
Okay, let's get to the crux of this.
You ready?
Yes.
The fact that you have believed my wife got a neck tattoo that says fireball.
Are you serious?
For three days now.
I did.
Boggles the mind.
Are you...
Will you throw that phone in the toilet, please?
We woke up German Siri.
She's an upper middle-class woman with three kids.
She's in her 40s.
No one has a neck tattoo.
Like, you'd have to be.
It's like gangsters, tattoo artists.
You think a middle-aged woman is going to get fireball on her neck?
She's a cool person.
It's not cool to get fireball on your neck.
But she's spontaneal.
Spontaneal.
All I did on purpose.
So you fell for that.
So that's one purpose.
Yeah, I fell for your typo.
Yeah, dude.
She does not have a fireball tattoo on her neck.
I'm glad to hear that.
She's sitting in this passenger seat.
You were on speaker for you.
She's serious?
And she was laughing her head off.
And she kept saying, she didn't believe me.
She's like, you guys are pranking me.
He doesn't believe I have a fireball.
And then the fact that I told you that she doesn't see how people would think of it as the whiskey.
Right.
Like someone gets a fireball tattoo and it has nothing to do with the whiskey.
That doesn't happen.
You know, here's another thing, too, is I was like, what?
He's in a really good mood because you were like, yeah, dude, that's what I told her, too.
I was like, every time you brought up something about it, it was always idiotic, by the way.
I go, that's what I said.
Yeah.
And I was like, well, nailed it again, Ryguy.
That hurts.
Unbelievable.
It's the hardest I've heard her laugh in a long time.
You guys used to call me while you were just hanging out and then do your John Taffer version.
I'm a fireball.
Oh, yeah.
And then I used to do that, and then that was fun.
But this was harder laughs than that because I heard hard laughs for that.
Yeah, my wife just wanted to hear you do funny imitations.
That's just like a dog doing tricks.
But this is really.
I'm amazed.
I'm appalled at everybody.
You should be.
Yep.
You should be.
By the way, when I thought that Milo painted the Statue of Liberty Blue, I thought he just went up and just hit the toe with like a little paint.
So that's not entirely crazy.
Okay, let's just explain to the viewers that idiocracy.
I pre-recorded some episodes.
Today's not pre-recorded.
Today is Monday.
I don't have the paper on me.
Donald Trump is on the cover.
Him and Macron are having a fight because Macron invited some Iranian diplomat to a meeting they had, and Trump was pissed because he hates Iran, and he said no comment.
I don't give a fuck.
When you get to that level of foreign policy, I check out.
There's some things I check out on healthcare, global warming, China, China, China, frankly, China.
When you see these riots in China, do you feel anything?
It's like my dog.
I just look at it and go, die.
I just did because what they did was they chopped down, they removed one of those facial recognition towers and then they stomped on it.
I was like, yeah, I would want those things gone too.
Well, the Chinese thing is really spooky with this personality rating chart.
We have one, by the way.
It's just silent, right?
No.
No?
Well, we have a myriad of metaphorical ones, but we literally have one.
If you look up anyone's name, even your own name, or look up my name, Gavin McInnis personality chart, and they've just some random site rates people, which is an episode of Black Mirror.
So we're no longer predicting the dystopia, the big tech dystopia.
Is this it?
No, I don't know.
No, maybe I'm too famous.
But anyway, you look up random names and they have a little chart.
And in China, something like 80,000 people have been prevented from taking planes, flights, because their personality, they're not good enough people.
And of course, I think the government's mentality is you will defect if you leave Beijing and go somewhere fun like anywhere else.
You know what's better than Beijing?
Everything.
Some guy sent me a letter, by the way, saying, you were saying Moscow sucks and Glasgow is way better, even though Glasgow sucks.
And I'm just like, those kind of debates.
It's almost like a gay guy going, you like tits?
You're wrong.
No, I'm not, dude.
You're wrong.
You're weird.
This is weird?
ESTP.
What's that?
I don't know.
And somebody comments, I understand what people think ESTP, but y'all mother effers got it backwards.
EXTP, something wrong with anybody that says J. What the fuck is this?
What is going on?
This is weird.
E, 93%.
S, 78%.
Onwards and upwards.
27 votes.
The promoter.
Second place, the field marshal.
Inventor, counselor.
This is how people have personality database.
What the hell is E?
Oh, this should help.
Dom is C. Aux is T. Turfed is Phi.
And then if is Ni.
Ah, okay.
That's by functions.
Now I get it.
Yes.
Now I get it.
I should have mentioned that.
I'm sorry.
But yeah, Hong Kong is mad because they're a free country, sort of.
And Britain treated them well and got the free market going and they had free speech.
And then we gave them back in, what, the 90s, 92?
And then they said, I'll give you 10 years to be normal, but then we really get you back.
Sort of like if you got your kidnapped child bride back and she was 13 and they said, all right, but I want to have sex with her.
But at 23, I want to start having sex with her.
So China wants to have sex with Hong Kong.
And Hong Kong doesn't want to have sex with her because China has STDs.
And so they're riding in the streets.
And I don't give a shit.
I don't care.
I think it's cool that they like Pepe the Frog and they're wearing Trump hats.
Oh, look how much shit is in the streets.
What is this, India?
Those are obviously gas canisters.
That's a joke.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, those are really dark Pepsi cans.
And that's interesting that they're patriotic and they're talking about becoming refugees.
And I'm into that.
I wish Trump would take Chinese Hong Kong refugees or South African farmer refugees or Tommy Robinson as a refugee.
Do you hear about that chick from Britain First is facing nine years in prison or something?
Oh, that one that went up to the motherfucking tits?
Yeah.
Britain first.
She has a name like Jada Pinkett-Smith.
Jada Franson?
That sounds right.
Yep, I think it's her.
Is she going to jail?
She's facing nine years?
That sucks, dude.
She was convicted.
Okay, this is from Martin.
I'm not a boob guy, but I respect boob guys.
It's sort of like Trump, although I am a Trump guy.
The thing I like best about Trump is his supporters.
They all just seem like great, good old-fashioned Americans.
And with guys who love tits, it's not my cup of tea.
I'm more of an ass man.
But whenever I meet a tit guy, he's always a good guy.
He was a big guy.
Usually a hard-working guy.
Kind of a 70s guy.
Tit men also seem to like Bushes.
Huh.
They're adamant Bushmen.
A good name for a band.
The adamant Bushmen.
Yeah, that is fucking great.
So she's convicted over hate speech.
Is she going to jail?
Like, when is that article?
March, when?
2019.
Jail for hate speech.
What the fuck is hate speech?
What is it?
And her other two compatriots there, Paul Golding and John Banks and Paul Rimmer, are the two guys.
Do we know Paul Golding?
They were acquitted on similar charges.
But she wasn't.
No.
Okay, you go read up on that on your own time and then tell me if she's in prison, going to prison.
I saw on Infowars they said we have an exclusive interview with her.
You're not allowed to interview people in prison.
I guess we should go to Britain, right?
Yeah.
We should go to Israel.
We should go to Britain.
I just hate traveling so much.
You do?
Hate it.
Oh, man.
It's so much time for so little.
Like, we could go out in Manhattan today and just shoot man on the streets.
And as far as what that would do to the quality of the site, it would be just about the same as going to fucking Israel, which would cost thousands of dollars and take days and days and days and days.
Do you know when you're looking up something, you click the search news and it becomes chronological?
Did you even know that?
Poop.
You didn't know that?
Nope.
The latest thing that I see is all from March and May.
So I don't.
You can't tell if she's in prison or not?
Maybe check her Wikipedia.
Maybe learn how to do your job.
I don't know.
So yeah, vacation's over.
We had fun, but man, having three kids in an area, like Breezy Point is great because they go out and stuff.
But you still have to be kind of a camp counselor.
And what the girl likes to do, the boy doesn't necessarily like to do.
And then the youngest boy, I got six, 11, and 12.
So the 11-year-old boy is just baseball.
The 12-year-old girl is like into weirdo stuff.
She really just wants to be around 12-year-old girls that are also weird.
Can't be like lacrosse normies.
They don't even like girls who wear crocs and stuff.
That's out.
Oh, she got 36 weeks.
36 weeks.
Yeah.
And she's serving them right now?
No, that was the 2018 conviction, so I don't think she's in right now.
Oh, I see.
Who would Infowars say she got nine years?
Maybe it was one of those things where the sentence said nine years, but the actual time served was 36 weeks.
Yeah.
So confusing, all this lost stuff.
And I never used to know any of it.
I'd have like the one friend who got busted for pot.
Now I'm talking about lawyers and courts and judges and DAs and special prosecutions and this jury and this appeal on a daily basis.
All my friends are going to jail.
We got Jeffrey Young, the proud boy who's still doing weekends and will be doing them until November.
Then we have John and Max facing nine years for a fist fight outside one of my talks.
We got Tommy Robinson in jail now.
And then we got Jaden.
What's her name?
God, what?
Jada Franson.
Do you ever have one of those names that just does not fit into your brain?
Yep.
This show isn't going very well, is it?
I thought it was pretty good.
Really?
Maybe I should have had notes ready.
Nah.
What about that idea about raiding the news?
Yeah, but you have to pull up the Twitter moments.
Let's see what the news is.
Yeah.
You know what I like about Twitter moments?
If you check Breitbart, you see all the sort of Trump, anti-Trump stuff that's going on.
If you check the New York Times, you see that narrative of what's going on with the left and their apocalyptic view of the world.
And they're both kind of myopic.
But when you check Twitter trends, then it might just be mostly sports.
And that's actually a better metric of the climate of the country.
Because if you go outside right now and start talking to people and say, how about Macron inviting that Iranian diplomat to the talks with Trump?
They'll go, what?
They're more concerned with college football.
So you actually get a better perspective.
And it's actually, I find it a little more heartening because I see Twitter moments and I go, oh, not everyone's obsessed with all this shit.
Some of them just are into silly crap.
Like astronaut declares.
This astronaut chick who is, what would you say she is?
She's got some features that look foreign, but like they make sense.
So I'd say she's like a 4.8.
Exactly.
Correct.
She's a lesbian, too.
You know how we did that heroes of color thing where we talked about all the backgrounds of all these great heroes of color?
Yes.
What about heroines?
That's the problem with female heroes is it sounds like the drug.
But feminist icons, and then you show all these great successful women, and coincidentally, they're all lesbians.
Or divas.
No.
Divas of.
Shut up.
Coincidentally, they're all lesbians.
Because women are obsessed with proving they're equal to men.
They're just as good.
They can be astronauts.
They can be soccer players.
But have you ever noticed that when they take over these things that are predominantly male, they're lesbians?
So what that means is the only time that we're as good as men is when we have tons of testosterone coursing through our veins and we're actually more male than most women.
I'm not talking about performers and singers and dancers and all that shit, fashion designers.
I'm talking about astronauts and athletes and that kind of predominantly male things.
So they're actually disproving what they're setting out to prove.
Yeah, this woman, this successful astronaut, is a lesbian.
That's something no one talks about either is gay divorce.
We let gays get married fairly recently, especially in America, and no one is talking about this massive wave of gay divorce.
And I've heard through the grapevine that the lesbian divorces are brutal, fighting over the rights to a song.
And in this case, this lesbian astronaut was allegedly trying to access her ex-wife's bank account while in outer space, making her the first Martian bank robber.
That's pretty cool.
The first 4.8 bank robber.
Imagine a movie around that mundane of a crime.
Yes.
It's just a false password.
She put a password in the wrong Chase account.
Let's put up the numbers for phone numbers, too.
We haven't talked to our people in a long time.
Oh, Trudette.
Well, the number is as follows.
Oh, you have to set up the Skype and all that?
That's something different.
You have to set up the Skype and all that.
I saw a great movie.
I'll talk about this movie first.
I'd already seen it, of course, Cabin in the Woods.
Can you maybe pull up that trailer while I talk, have it playing silently in the background?
Sure, sure.
And it's kind of a Twilight Zone Black Mirror parody of four movies.
I think it came out in 2012, as I just said.
And I'd already seen it.
But I'm learning.
When I first moved to America, I didn't get this whole watching a movie more than once thing.
Like they watch The Godfather every Thanksgiving, and it doesn't compute.
But now I'm learning, if you wait like six years, you get to see the movie through a whole new perspective, and it's actually really cool.
And I learned a lot this second time around.
And I learned that it's about, so it starts out like a normal horror movie, and they're going to the country, just like Friday the 13th.
And there's the stoner, the slut, the jock, the virgin, and the athlete, right?
As there is in pretty much all these type of horror movies.
And there's the Harbinger.
They all eventually get killed.
Now, spoiler alert, spoiler alert.
This is a spoiler alert.
We learn later that this whole thing is set up by the government, and the cabin's fake, the monsters are, the monsters are real, but we send the monsters in to kill you.
And the reason we do it is because there's these giant evil gods that live under the earth.
And they need these five sacrifices.
They need regular sacrifices.
They need little Japanese girls in Japan.
And all over the world, we set up these scary scenarios where people are killed.
And then we use their blood and we give it to the gods as a sacrifice.
And that stops the world from ending.
Now, this pothead in the movie, he realizes that this is all a lie and this is all fake and we're all being puppets.
Look, that hawk's about to get zapped.
Yep.
And so the writer of the movie must be a pothead.
This is maybe why I wrote that great thriller last night in my dreams because I was watching this with such an analytical mind.
See, they send out gases.
The problem with that girl is she's too intelligent and the gods want like a dumb whore.
So they give her these gases to make her hornier and stupider.
And the blonde she was wearing, that stuff sleeps in her head.
Anyway, so the pothead is immune to this brainwashing.
Oh, I remember that.
Yes.
And so the subtext is, the pothead, pot is awesome.
And there's a recurring theme where every time there's major trouble, he has this homemade bong and he pulls it out and saves the day and kills people.
So the bong is like this empowering sword like King Arthur.
This is him discovering everything.
So the moral up to now is that pot is awesome and the government doesn't want a smoking pot because we'll figure out what they want to do with our brains.
And that's like the cliche thing you think of when you're in college about pot.
And that's why they made it illegal because everyone protesting the Vietnam War was smoking pot.
And they said, we can't control these people if they don't have pot.
All right, got it.
But here's a super duper spoiler alert.
At the end of the movie, Sigourney Weaver explains to the Virgin in the pothead, the only ones left alive, guys, you were supposed to die.
You weren't supposed to get back here.
You weren't supposed to figure out this whole thing.
We need to kill you now.
And they go, no, and they kill her.
And so the end of the movie, which I'm now ruining for you, is that the dark gods beneath the earth aren't getting their sacrifices, so they're going to come up and destroy the earth.
And the last scene is a hand, like this is a house, a hand as big as Trump Tower coming down and killing him.
Well, maybe Trump Tower is evil.
Maybe Trump's the evil god.
So at the last minute, it's actually kind of a conservative film because it's saying these potheads with their anarchist no borders, no wall, no USA at all, from Palestine to Mexico, all these walls have got to go.
That mentality is going to destroy us, going to destroy our country.
How long have we been talking for?
About 40 minutes now.
So it's actually an anti lefty mentality.
It kind of exposes them as these nihilists who just want to watch the world burn.
And they say as much.
All right, now you got a bunch of calls?
I do.
I want to start a new way of doing call-in shows.
Okay.
Where it's like, you know, the song The Bumblebee?
Yeah.
So they call in, name and place, we get the thing, then you hang up.
I answer the question next.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
No more like, thanks for calling.
Oh, my second part of the question.
Uh-oh.
Well, that's going to bum out this one guy who says he has multiple topics.
No, multiple topics.
That's called me and a friend.
Sir, you got to pick one.
Just have him talk.
All right.
And we're going to Stevie Boy.
Stevie Boy from Boston.
What's up, fellas?
Hey, man.
All right.
I know you said I can't do multiple topics.
Wicked echo, by the way.
Wait, why'd you say after multiple topics?
Point an echo.
Yes.
Perfect.
Second question.
Go.
How was your vacation?
Okay, goodbye.
Thank you for calling.
My vacation was fine.
Thank you very much.
But as I was trying to imply earlier, I find my job a lot easier.
Right now, I have to entertain you guys, and clearly you signed up because we agree on the stuff we want to talk about.
So I just talk about shit.
Ease peas.
In fact, I can't believe almost an hour has gone by.
But a six-year-old wants Minecraft, 11-year-old wants baseball, 12-year-old wants weirdo chicks.
Like, where do we even fucking eat?
So my wife rented this insane, slippy slide, inflatable thing that's honestly bigger than your house.
She rented that for one day, and that swallowed up a good five hours.
We still got all of August.
I got Bruce talking about China.
I fucking hate the heat, too.
I want to do a wife swap.
A wife swap.
Hey, man, how's it going?
Good.
Nice to talk to you.
I just want to see what you think about this China situation.
So we go to shit.
The guy called an asshole.
And I kind of feel the same way.
About what?
China?
About China?
Yeah.
So you're saying that you want China to blow up?
Right.
I don't even get again.
This is just like my dog.
I don't give a shit either way.
Like, they've been around for 40,000 years.
They still think that a tiger's eyeball gives them a boner.
They've murdered bears because there's something in their gallbladder they think is fucking magic.
They can't get enough shark fins and all that bullshit.
Rub your toe to cures colon cancer.
What are you doing, guys?
Ever heard of trial and error?
40,000 years of this and you have the shitty communist civilization?
Yeah, it's good that Hong Kong is fighting them and maybe liberating some people there, but I got enough people here in the West to worry about before I go over to a billion lunatics over in China.
So whether they work it out or not, I honestly don't give a shit.
And I'm a little bit surprised myself.
It's almost like when you see a mudslide in Myanmar or somewhere in Indonesia and they go, oh my God, the whole village was wiped out and washed into the sea.
And you go, oh yeah?
Sorry, I guess a bunch of people are dead.
What's happening now?
I'm sorry.
I ran out of care juice.
We got Connor.
Hey, Connor, what's up?
Connor, you're on.
Yeah, Gavin, from Bridgeport, Connecticut.
I was just going to ask, I was thinking about taking the metrics north to New Haven.
How the fuck do you do that?
You have to get on opposite ways ahead.
How the hell do you go about doing something like that?
Well, it might be a person who is trying not to implicate himself for a federal crime.
Have you considered that?
And one may have changed the locations of the trains in order to obfuscate his direct route so he doesn't go to jail.
Next, we got Jose.
Yes, Jose.
Jose.
Hey, Ryan and Gavin.
Just wanted to say, love the show.
Love the mailbag.
And just asking Gavin, are you, would you ever do like a suit special?
Or I don't know.
I know you've done something on the Rebel before, but just curious.
A suit special?
Like suits you wear?
Like a fashion special?
Exactly, because you have an awesome fashion scent.
Okay, that's a good idea.
Let's do a little fashion show.
Heck yeah.
All right, we got John.
John, are you there?
Johnny?
Yeah, I'm here.
Where are you from, John?
Yeah, I was just wondering if you had heard what happened to our old friend from the Gavin McGuinness show.
Mercedes Ferreira got himself into a lot of trouble.
Some kitty porn stuff or something.
Yeah, she was frank.
Have you heard anything about that?
I haven't heard much new news about it since it happened, but she has this born-again Christian husband who got into her daughter's head and made her, polluted her into saying all this horrible shit.
And then the cops went to Mercedes' house.
They found drugs and guns, which was stupid, right?
Like meth, I believe.
But they also found camera equipment.
So when the husband said she's making kiddie porn, the police went, well, here's proof because there's a camera there.
But every porn star on earth has a camera in her bedroom.
So I think she's innocent.
I haven't spoken to her since I don't think anyone has.
But no matter what happens, she'll be bankrupted and her life is over.
All right.
We got Alex.
I mean, her relationship with her daughter is ruined no matter what, right?
It's terrible, yeah.
Hell A. But I don't think she's important.
Love you, dog and raw guy.
I just wanted to ask if you guys do any more boxing things at the gym.
I thought that was pretty cool when you beat Coppercap that.
Yeah, I was thinking about doing that.
I want to do a how-to box tutorial for people, but it's not how to box.
It's how to cheat.
Like when they make you do burpees, you can buy 15 seconds by going, oh, burpees like here, because I don't want to get in anyone's way.
And they're like, no, no, don't do them over there.
Or you ask questions about LATS, slows them down.
Or say you're exhausted in the middle of pads.
You say mid-round, because the rounds in sparring are two and a half fucking minutes.
That's insane.
So you go, I can't get the left hook.
Is it, do I swim my body?
And then they're excited, right?
Because they know so much about a left hook.
Well, that was an uppercut.
But they'll go, no, what you got to do is it might feel more comfortable to go like this, but your fist has to be parallel to the ground.
Now you've had five seconds to breathe.
Or the best is when they make you put on that weight vest and they say run around the block.
You run up to one end of the block, down to the other end of the block, right?
You time that.
It's usually about 15 seconds.
And then you go, all right, 15 times 4, 60 seconds.
It's probably going to take a minute, but those other parts of the block are longer.
So you can sit there, have a cigarette, whatever.
And you just make sure you sprint like a lunatic up the stairs.
Like, oh, oh, oh.
Now, I've timed it wrong a few times, and the coach is like, holy shit, you really.
And I was like, you're impressed?
Yeah, I've never seen anyone go around the block in a weight fest that fast.
And then he goes, wait a minute.
So there's a lot of good fighting tricks in order to prevent you from doing the workout that you've been instructed to do.
That's a good thing.
Sleight of man.
Sleight of man magic.
We got Jim talking about David Packman.
Find out where they are, too.
Does it say where they are?
No, guys, start mentioning where you're from, please.
Do you feel banging going on next door?
Yep.
Okay.
Something's banging.
Nothing to see here.
Sounds like Juggernaut is trying to get in.
Hey, how's it going?
Who are you and where are you from?
Who, who, who are you, and what you, and what do you do, guys?
David Packman.
I mean, Jim.
Okay.
I just wanted to say check out David Packman's show.
It's really nice.
Huh.
Okay, stranger.
That sounds really interesting.
I think I'll check him out.
We got Ben Miller having guests on the show.
Hey, Ben.
Where are you from?
And this is Sam from Freslo, California.
Cool.
Wondering if you guys have Sam Hyde again or Owen Benjamin.
They're good guests.
They are good guests.
I will have Owen on.
And yeah, Sam Hyde, he said he'd come on if I go to him.
And he said, I'll do it if you come to where I am and do my show.
I think it's about four hours, maybe five hours from New York.
That might be a fun drive.
Hell yeah, brother.
We could make it like a two-part episode.
What's his thing called again?
Gum Road.
Gum Road.
Is that like Wars?
He's at Hyde Wars, but it's on Gum Road.
Do you pay for that subscription?
Yeah.
How much is it?
Five bucks.
Five bucks a month?
Yeah.
Is it half as good as this show?
I'm a company man, so nothing is better than this show.
Does he post as regularly as we do?
No, no, no, no.
It's about, I think, every 15th, the 15th of every month, something like that.
But he'll post some other things.
But it's pretty heady stuff.
I'm not shitting on Sam, by the way.
I'm just saying that people say that $10 is too much.
You get new content every day.
And this is the shittiest it gets.
When I just dropped off my daughter, I said, I got to go do the show.
We're late.
I'm banging it out here.
I was napping.
Napping.
And jabbing.
Can you believe a grown man naps?
I think I have lines.
Oh, you know what's weird?
I just felt right now getting back into the rhythm.
You feel good right now?
This first 50 minutes, I was trying to, because it's sort of like when you haven't seen your wife in a week and you sort of go, hello, who are you?
Like when I got back to the studio, I felt a little uneasy.
And I just, just insulting you for napping there, just was like, see, now we're calibrated.
I do serve a purpose.
We got anarchy.
Yeah, Sam from Missouri.
What's up, Sam?
Hey, what's up?
Love you guys more.
Like you more than a friend?
Cool.
Hello.
Almost said love.
Yeah, I hate when people say that.
If you love me more than a friend, we're not friends.
It's supposed to be an announcement that I'm moving to love.
Yeah.
What's up?
Yeah, so I got a bunch of friends who have been talking about being anarchists and all this.
I was kind of wondering what you thought about it and if you think it's a left or right ideology.
Yeah, look, I'm thinking about getting an anarchy tattoo because I'm an anarchist.
I don't want any government.
I want minimal government.
Like, let's have an army, fine.
Roads?
I don't even think so.
The prison system, I got to admit, I'm a little uncomfortable about the privatization of that.
It sounds like you're providing an incentive to get as many criminals as possible.
Those are your customers at that point.
So I get all that part.
But I hate the fucking government.
And people go, Trump's not presidential.
I think the problem with all this Trump hatred is they don't get how little respect we have for the White House.
I don't see him as God Emperor.
I see him as Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack.
I like that he's a CAD.
I like that he's an asshole.
I like the typos in his tweets.
Fuck the White House.
Fuck the government.
Fuck all these people who think they're voting for a brighter future.
I'm voting for hope and change.
You fell for a campaign scam, you stupid bitch.
But the definition of anarchist today, of course, has nothing to do with hating the government and wanting independence and DIY, do it yourself.
It has to do now with more government.
They literally call themselves communist anarchists, anarcho-communist.
What the fuck?
So you want maximum government, but minimum government at the exact same time?
That's even stupider than being bisexual.
So I don't think your friends are intellectual enough to understand what anarchist really means.
What they really mean when they say anarchist is, I want to be a fucking pain in the ass.
I want to break windows and dress in black and pretend I'm trans because that's the hot new thing.
And if you're young, dumb, and full of cum, go nuts, make mistakes, whatever, who cares?
I'd like to announce that we're on both iPhone and Android.
Major detail.
Apps.
Free apps.
If you get the subscription, you could get the app and then you get push notifications for shows like this when we're live.
Can we download audio yet?
That's coming.
It's coming right around.
It's like right around the corner.
And also streaming to SimuCasting, your TVs or whatever.
What's called streaming?
Is that German streaming?
What did I say?
Streaming?
Streaming?
Yes.
And if you want to have a nap, if you're Schlaventy, then go to niche Zus until you're ready to get back to work.
But we'll be streaming the entire time you're sleeping.
Yes, and we're schlepping to get the apps out there.
But you didn't have an ending for that.
I knew you were so excited to have schlepping.
And then you're like, come on, brain.
Just come up with some on the fly.
And your brain was like, what do you mean, someone the fly?
Should have mentioned the apps?
Just say schlepping again next time.
Me.
But yeah, we got those.
And then if you can give me a little fly.
What do you think about what schlepping means?
Like, kind of like slowly getting to something?
Nope.
Like dragging ass to something?
It means having to carry a bunch of stuff.
Like, I got to schlep all these bags up a hill.
I get the gist.
Carrying.
Yeah.
Transporting.
So we're schlepping these.
It means transporting something when it's a pain in the ass to transport.
And that's true.
It's a lot of hard work.
So we are schlepping the...
Okay.
So yeah, we finally got on the iPhone app, finally got on Android, and downloading will be great too, because that's how I listen to shows also.
I like to download them.
And then it's funny because women complain about housework, but when you have a downloaded podcast or vidcast, you're like, I don't mind if I'm cleaning up Diarrhea Barf.
Yeah.
It could be here all day.
It's like sometimes it feels like those are your buddies.
So, hey, everybody, you're doing a great job.
Keep grinding.
One of the worst jobs you can have to do is clean up bear garbage.
A bear, especially if you have young kids, a bear rips into your garbage.
He eats all the diapers.
He loves shit because, everybody, animals are losers.
And this loser eats your baby's shit.
That's how, isn't that proof that animals are losers?
Your baby's shit, the worst it has, the worst you have to offer as a family is gold to him.
That's the best.
So baby shit, top for him, baby shit, bottom for us.
We're touching at least.
There is a Venn diagram.
Whoa.
But cleaning up that bare garbage, you have to sit there with like tongs and pick up each individual thing.
Because it's not just garbage.
Everything's been shredded.
So it takes like two hours.
And you can't just leave it there, of course.
But you put a little podcast on, put it on a little get off my lawn.
Maybe there's a metaphor when Owen says him and the bears, because conservatives and people that are outcasted have eaten so much shit that they're bears.
You know?
Dude, we eat as much shit as actual bears.
Yeah, that's it.
Bears aren't really known for eating shit, though.
The baby diaper thing is a delicacy.
They eat shit.
They eat a lot of shit.
Yeah, but how many times do they get access to diapers?
Oh, I don't know.
You're telling me for the first time.
Don't you live in the country?
Didn't you grow up upstate?
No, but I've never seen bears up there.
You don't see bears upstate?
And we don't have baby shit in our garbage.
So that's that.
What do you mean you can't hear me?
You got baby shit in your garbage?
I think I have a, well, I don't want to say STD.
Okay, well, say the nice term for it.
I have baby shit in my garbage.
You know what I mean?
That's how a woman says she has a yeast infection.
That's the politically correct way to say yeast infection.
She has, let's say, baby shit in her garbage, if you know what I mean.
That is so crass.
That's not a great substitute at all.
Hello.
I wouldn't say I have a yeast infection.
I think the term that I would prefer to use is that I have baby shit in my garbage.
All right, next caller.
All right, we got, there's another one about Mercedes.
Okay.
Hello?
Hello?
Kevin, the greatest of all time bit was when you fucked Mercedes Carrera via the green screen.
When is she coming on again?
Dude, she's not getting out of jail.
Her life is over.
Thank you for calling.
I'm very uncomfortable hearing her name.
Yeah, that is terrible.
Because it's my theory that she's been framed.
And I believe her letter, but this is my belief.
So, I mean, I know her.
I stand by her.
I don't see how that could possibly be true.
Let me put it that way.
All right, next call.
Steve weddings.
Hello?
Steve.
Hey, how's it going, Steve?
Hello?
Hey.
Hey, yeah, I was just wondering what your opinion on when you go to a wedding and the MC will be like, here's the bride of, the cousin of the bride, Brenda, and here's the fucking co-worker of the groom bike.
And everyone's like, who gives a shit?
Yeah, fucking.
Tell me what your opinion on that is.
There should be five speeches max.
And the speeches are the best man, the groom, maybe one of the fathers and mothers.
We're up to four now, my friend.
Now we can do, like, I don't know, say there was, he's a musician, like a pianist, and there's some mentor he had at the fame school, like that white-bearded guy, and that guy saved his life and got him his job at the fucking Philharmonic Orchestra.
Okay, you can come up.
But that's five.
Weddings are way too big.
Here's the rule for weddings from now on.
When you're making the list, would it be weird if I called you and said, hey man, I'm going to go buy pants.
Want to come?
If the guy goes, yeah, okay, where are you going?
The Levi's?
Yeah, I guess I'll go.
Invite him to the wedding.
If the person would go, what?
This is Jerry.
Yeah, no, I'm not pants.
Now, some people think that's too strict, and that makes your wedding like 35 people, which sounds fine to me.
I will go this far with it.
Would it be weird for me to call you, beep, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop?
Hey man, I'm going to go get a beer.
You want to grab a beer?
If that person would go, what?
Like, for example, my kid's coach in baseball.
I love the guy.
And if we sit next to each other at some sort of dinner function, it's a great time.
But it would be weird if I called him in for a beer.
I think he'd go, Duncan's dad?
Okay, I guess.
Yeah, sure.
When?
That would be weird.
So he's not coming to the wedding.
Your lists are too big, folks.
We got Kevin talking liberals.
What's up, Kevi?
What's up, Kevin?
Hey, man.
Shouldn't the street look good, mom?
You sound like you're talking aliens.
This sounds cool.
This sounds like we are communicating with Martians, which isn't cool because then I wouldn't be a Christian anymore if there was aliens.
What are you saying?
We can't hear you.
Is this the episode where Pretty Girls Shouldn't Be Walking Down the Street with Their Moms?
No!
That was last episode.
This episode is the spontaneous just got back from vacation episode.
This is where we catch up on summer hijinks.
Last episode was pretty girls shouldn't be walking around with their mothers.
Hang up, bastards.
Yeah.
Hey, Patrick.
Hey, Peter.
Do these calls just keep growing and growing?
No.
We got two more.
This is the second to last one.
Okay.
What's up, dog?
Yo.
Hey, man.
What's up, guys?
All right, you got a fuck one, Mary one, kill one.
AOC, Alan, or Rashida.
Challenging call.
Challenging call from a caller and uh FMK.
That's a lot of work to have to do after a holiday when we're soft and sunburned and ill-prepared to do a show.
So fuck Mary Kill.
And it's Ilhan, Rashid, and who was the other one?
Cortez.
I got mine.
Fuck Mary Kill.
Fuck Mary Kill.
Well, clearly the most Attractive one is AOC and probably the least putrid of a human being, and she's not old, so maybe you could de-brainwash her.
I'm gonna reluctantly marry AOC.
Yep, and then I've got Talib and uh, who?
Oh, the Somalian, yeah.
I can't, I can't fuck her.
I, I, yeah, I'm not.
This is very easy.
Yeah, I've seen her without her headdress on, and her head is just like Derek Beckles.
It's just like a frazzled afro.
So what is your name again?
Ilhan Omar.
Yes.
So that's Mary AOC, kill, what's her name?
Which will be Ilhan Omar, which of course will be taken out of context, and I'll be calling for death threats, and we'll lose our app status.
This is FMK.
And then Rashid Dalit Tlib, whatever her name is.
I would, I guess I'd fuck her.
Yeah.
You're the same?
It wouldn't be a bummer.
I kind of like Middle Eastern women.
Same?
Let's see them.
Can you pull them up?
Yep.
No one ever talks about the black chick in the squad.
Oh, look, there she is with her gross hair.
Wait, where was the gross hair?
The mug shot right in front of your fucking face.
Oh, there we go.
Okay.
That was tiny.
Look how unattractive she is.
First of all, she has not even an eight head.
It's a 16 head.
She has a 16 head, and her hair is just like an afterthought.
Yeah, but there's something about her that's kind of like...
Dude, you remember the one where she was like running away?
Like, she was like, you're all crazy.
And she was being a squirrel.
Yeah, she's got passion.
That kind of jiggle is kind of fun.
I know when women have complete meltdowns in public, it's kind of a turn on because you go, even now, at your least attractive, you're still feminine somehow.
You're still frail.
You're still delicate.
You're still elegant.
As you flail around the airport and attack the guy behind the desk, you're still somehow elegant.
You're like a deer.
And I feel like that woman would be good.
She's very 69-friendly.
Who?
The Palestinian Rashid Tlaib.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
I think that bum in your face would be a bummer.
Well, that's because you're a young man.
Maybe.
I feel like it'll be stinky.
You'll catch up.
I'm almost 50.
You'll get here.
It'll be stinky down there.
But look at.
See, look, look.
I like that.
She's trying to be a reckless brute barbarian, and she still has that spring in her step and skinny ankles.
Yeah, that's kind of fun.
Great.
Now I'm married to Alexandria Kizio-Cortez.
That would be the easiest, dude.
It's pretty much a no-brainer, that question.
I'm literally bummed out.
Nah, you're fine.
She would get a tattoo of fireball on her neck.
You think my wife would get, I thought she's just like fun, just like wacky.
She's like, I don't know.
I got it just to be fun.
I could see that.
Isn't that fun?
Yes, it is.
She's at the parent-teacher meetings with little Johnny, six years old.
And she's letting them know.
And they're playing with blocks, and then there's my wife.
The fireball.
Yeah.
Fireball on her neck.
That looks like a prison nickname.
We got Ryan the Free Speech Child.
Also, by the way, if that was your prison nickname, people are going to think you have diarrhea in your garbage.
That's good.
Go ahead.
Okay.
Talking about Ryan the Free Speech child.
I totally agree with Roshida thing.
She's totally ugly.
Anyways.
Was it really.
How's Michael Savage?
Have you guys heard anything from him?
Oh, we keep forgetting.
After you suggest that, we go, great idea, and then we just sort of peace out right after.
Wait, who?
Michael Savage?
He used to be a liberal, and he's not any mo.
He don't dance, no mo.
And I think that a lot of lefties think that's like a gotcha, but I think that's perfectly healthy to change your views.
Who knows?
After being married to AOC for a while, I might become a democratic socialist that wants less government and more government at the exact same time.
Guys, that was quite a long up.
I thought that would just be a shorty.
Tomorrow will be a normal up.
I'll get the suit back on.
We'll probably get some guests.
We should probably talk to Laura Loomer about her lawsuit.
And her run for Congress.
And I want to do some new, more free speech presents.
I want to do a definitive list on all the people Antifa have killed.
We've talked about it on the show already, but we'll make that a separate video we could put on YouTube eventually.
And then I also want to do an in-depth look at this Antifa fight where three people got away with beating the shit out of a journalist and stealing his stuff when Max and John are looking at nine years in prison.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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