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April 29, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:07:40

#135 | So they're coming after Robert Crumb now

Robert Crumb is clearly one of the greatest artists of all time. The people coming after him and having him removed from museums are buzzkills who don’t get the joke. As usual, they are basing their witch hunt on someone else’s opinion of his work and not his body of work itself. This is always the case with these people. Anyway, we also talk about guns, mass shootings, and tricking kids into thinking Joe Dirt is the new Avengers movie.

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	So they're coming after Robert Crumb now.
	Ryan, of course, runs to the bathroom right when we start the show.
	This is a thing he has.
	A compulsion, I think it's insecurity, where he can't commit to anything.
	So, like, he couldn't leave the house this morning on time.
	He had to take an Uber to work, which cost him $80.
	He has no money.
	He's $12,000 in debt.
	He's finally paid off the $700 he owed his landlord for busting the door down because he lost his keys.
	He didn't lose his keys, they were in his girlfriend's jacket, which was his jacket.
	She was cold so she was wearing his jacket and she didn't seem to notice that his keys were in there, nor did he.
	Sorry.
	$700 down the door or when we were going skiing we're leaving the liquor store.
	We're walking and he goes.
	Hey, do you want to get a flask?
	Okay, so then he goes back to get a flask like we can never do the thing You know those kind of people they think they left the stove on or something They just can't it's it's like the opposite of an entrepreneur an entrepreneur says let's take risks.
	Let's make mistakes and The timid sit back and are scared.
	And again, it's because he doesn't have a dad.
	And he never had a dad.
	Your dad is the one who goes, just try it, boy!
	Just do it!
	Fucking do it!
	And your mother goes, be careful!
	Wear a helmet!
	And your dad goes, don't worry about a fucking helmet, that's stupid.
	Helmets are for retards and the mentally ill.
	But yeah, they're coming after Robert Crumb.
	And it's a perfect example of people that just don't get things.
	When you hear about a villain like Tommy Robinson or me or anyone, and you're looking into it, don't look at what people are saying about the thing.
	Look at the actual person's expression in context.
	And you know, vilifying someone is a big deal.
	So if you're going to do that, it takes a lot of work.
	Like sometimes, I don't care, like Pete Townshend I heard was looking at kiddie porn, and then I looked it up on Wikipedia and it said that he was researching for a role where he played a pedophile, and I just thought, meh.
	Pete Townshend isn't part of my life.
	I mean, I listen to The Who occasionally, but I'm not bothering with this.
	I don't care.
	I mean, I obviously do care if someone's a pedophile.
	I don't think I could listen to Michael Jackson ever again, but I never listened to Michael Jackson, so it's not my concern.
	He's dead.
	But, um...
	Robert Crumb was an artist.
	He is one of the greatest artists of our time by any metric.
	By sheer talent.
	Look at his landscapes.
	Look at the drawings he does of old French homes.
	Look at his sketchbooks.
	Base it on that.
	You don't even have to get into the fact that he revolutionized comics and invented Underground comics.
	He invented autobiographical comics.
	Before him, there was, you know, some weird European stuff, but it was mostly, in America, it was superheroes.
	And he invented something that I would argue is a totally different genre.
	There's superhero comics and there's alternative comics.
	They shouldn't be called the same thing.
	He invented that.
	And he had some controversial stuff in there.
	He did a thing on incest, you know, that seemed to be pro-incest.
	It was just like crazy art, like punk songs.
	It was meant to be offensive.
	He had two of his most controversial ones were when the goddamn Jews run the world and when the effing N's, Negroes, but the worst word, Take over America, but in both of those cases they were parodying bigotry.
	The first one was a mockery of the way anti-semites see Jews and the second one was a mockery of the way racists fear blacks.
	And it was kind of obvious when you actually spent the time to read them.
	They're four pages each and the world that exists with all these black militant Black Panthers taking over the entire world and torturing, you know, your wife and Are clearly absurd.
	But in this day and age, we don't.
	Look up that, who's that woman who sang the Yankees anthem?
	There was a good New York Post article about it.
	Where this guy, what's his name?
	He's the guy who said, watch Saturday Night Fever again.
	The way they portray Italians is shocking.
	Kate Smith.
	Kate Smith.
	Yeah, so she, they played her at Yankee Stadium, the National Anthem.
	You've all heard this story by now.
	And look up the New York Post article about her by Antonio Scolarioso.
	It'll be a recent one.
	And it's a beautiful song, and she does a great job, and it's iconic.
	But back in the 30s?
	What does it say?
	What's the headline?
	Well, that was by Joshua Miller something.
	A different article.
	But this says, Mayor of Newsy.
	No, no, no.
	I wouldn't be looking for something that boring and newsy.
	It's, it's, I think it was on Sunday, and it was like, um... Uh...
	Her racist songs?
	Keep Kate Smith's rendition out of Yankee Stadium?
	Racist song?
	No.
	You think it's racist?
	No.
	It's basically the author.
	It's got an Italian name.
	Antonio?
	Says that this is only the beginning.
	We should just dismantle the whole country.
	Steve Cuozo.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, there we go.
	There we go.
	Steve Cuozo?
	Yep.
	Okay, it says, Yankees' Kate Smith ban could lead to the breakup of America itself.
	Right.
	He's being hyperbolic, obviously.
	Oh, he calls her Kate, that's why it was effing up.
	It's a really good article.
	Steve Cuozzo, and again, he turned me on to Saturday Night Fever and how unbelievably racist it is against Italians.
	They are retards!
	Like, I did a video about this, but the woman goes, you gotta get your shit together, Johnny, or whatever his name is, and he's like, hey, that ain't hard, you just put the shit in the bowl, then you get a potato masher, and you mash, I'm not kidding.
	Yeah.
	And he has, the father hits him, and he's like, he hits my hair!
	I work all night on my fucking hair, and he's hitting me in the hair!
	It's way beyond Andrew Dice Clay.
	Steve Quozo, great guy.
	Anyway, he says yes, this woman did sing an offensive song in the 30s called That's Why Darkies Were Born.
	And it's a very rude ditty.
	I don't know if it was... it could have also been a parody of racism.
	I know that a popular black performer at the time, Paul Robeson, he also recorded it.
	Now, obviously a black guy recording That's Why Dark is Reborn is a parody of racism, but let's just say it's racist, right?
	Her record label makes her do a song.
	That's the way it is back then.
	And it was the fucking 1930s!
	I apologize if someone from a hundred years ago appears old-fashioned.
	What are you doing?
	What are you talking about?
	Do you also hate that food goes bad?
	Are you shocked when a glass of milk curdles?
	You know what time is, right?
	You know what change is?
	But do we now have to go backwards through time, making everyone perfect?
	And Steve Cuozzo points out in The Post that Francis Scott Key, who wrote the lyrics to The Star-Spangled Banner, owned slaves.
	George Washington owned slaves.
	Should we get him off the bill?
	Everyone was racist back then.
	We had a civil war ending slavery.
	It took a long time to recover.
	We had the civil rights era.
	Buchanan summed up all of this greatly.
	He said, Our behavior was not... He says something like, our behavior was not expected of those to whom the Sermon on the Mount was divine command.
	We didn't seem very Christian when you look back at a lot of the things we did with the Indians and blacks and slavery and anti-semitism and sexism and homophobia, all of that.
	Obviously, We didn't have shoes when we were fucking cavemen!
	I don't understand your point!
	So he goes on to say Francis Scott Key wrote the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner in 1814.
	He owned slaves.
	At least six of them.
	So we should get rid of him.
	That's why I was so mad about those statues being taken down.
	The southern... They were the losers!
	You don't have a statue for a loser!
	You have a statue to show something.
	To show... Should you have a statue of Hitler?
	Look, China's covered in statues of Mao.
	And why does every single fucking argument end up with Hitler?
	It's like the abortion argument where they go, Oh, uh, what if she was raped by her father?
	You mean all one case in America's history?
	What are you doing right now?
	Bumpers.
	Okay.
	You're not tweaking the intro.
	No.
	And it's happening with Robert Crumb.
	So, uh, there was, um, they were, he's been removed from the, the museum in Massachusetts.
	Um... While presenting the award for Outstanding Artist, the cartoonist Ben Passmore, who is black, asserted that comics is changing.
	And it's not an accident.
	He lamented the continued industry's presence of quote-unquote creeps and apologists.
	That would be me.
	Then called out the Godfather by name.
	Shit's not gonna change on its own.
	You gotta keep on being annoying about it.
	A while ago, someone like R. Crumb would be outstanding.
	Yeah?
	Try to draw a hand the way he draws a hand.
	He's one of the best artists on earth.
	The room erupted with boos and booing.
	And a little while ago, there'd be no boos, Pasmo responded.
	I wouldn't be up here.
	Real talk.
	And yo, fuck that dude.
	The crowd burst into applause.
	Now, I shouldn't have actually made the parallels with Katie Smith.
	Katie Smith sang a racist song.
	I'm pretty sure.
	Robert Crumb was not and is not a racist.
	Yes, he did depict blacks like with the cannibal Africans with the huge lips boiling someone alive.
	That was the way blacks were drawn up until the 60s.
	Look at Disney.
	Disney used to do that with Popeye.
	It's just the style.
	Yeah, it's a racist style.
	He was having fun with all that when he did the is his like you're looking at a guy who did Incestuous incestual comics about a dad fucking his daughter So you think he was clearly joking about that, but he was serious about everything else The guy is a classical liberal.
	He's like Jordan Peterson Dave Rubin And you made him out to a racist because he drew a black guy funny Because you're a pussy.
	That's really what it comes down to.
	We have handed over the reins.
	The lunatics are no longer running the asylum.
	We tried that.
	They were trans.
	They were too crazy.
	Now we've given over society to the pussies.
	And pussies can't take a fucking joke.
	Luckily, Gary Groth got involved in this.
	He's the guy who publishes Fantagraphics.
	I know you don't care about comics like I do, but...
	What was it?
	Gary Groth's, uh... Oh, shoot.
	Sorry.
	This is sloppy.
	Oh yeah.
	The spontaneity and vehemence of the backlash, Groth says, surprised me.
	And I guess what also disheartened me was I was pretty sure the vast majority of people booing Krum are not familiar with his work.
	Perfect.
	This is what outrage culture is.
	They don't talk about the actual work.
	They talk about someone else's terrible interpretation of it.
	And...
	And the spontaneity and vehemence is relevant, too.
	The same thing happened with me.
	I was a totally normal guy up until October 12th, and then the midterms were coming and someone high up decided to make me the bad man, and then, boom.
	My friends are all going to prison, deplatformed on everything, vilified everywhere I go.
	Bad guy overnight.
	And you go, wow, you sure hate Otoya Yamaguchi.
	That's who, that was the night I did the talk celebrating Otayi Yamaguchi.
	You guys really are into 1960 Japan and the way they treated the socialists back then.
	No, it's not that.
	It's fashion.
	That's what all of this is.
	It's actually more Shallow than sports.
	Because you follow your team and you stick around.
	This is fashion.
	This is, bell-bottoms are in this year, high-waisted jeans.
	Actually, it's even quicker than fashion, because I'm fine now.
	So that was October to November, December, January, February, March, April.
	I was, so it's six months.
	Yeah, that's about right for a fashion trend.
	It's more like a club night.
	You know when there's like, oh, it's Morrissey night at this bar.
	And that usually lasts for about six months.
	That's what it is.
	That's why it's so spontaneous.
	Because it's not based on anything real.
	And these people don't actually care.
	They don't really feel the way they do.
	Like I remember recently, Howard Stern was in trouble with Tommy Lee from Motley Crue.
	Not the guy who was chasing Harrison Ford.
	That's Tommy Lee Jones.
	And they were talking about Heather Locklear, who Howard Stern's a big fan of because she always had his back, even when he was a little small-town radio guy.
	And he said, poor girl, and she's suffering from depression and mental illness, whatever now.
	And he goes, it was probably, you know, Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi and Tommy Lee both have huge cocks.
	So I wouldn't be surprised if it was their cocks that drove her nuts, you know?
	Dick that big, it's gonna break you.
	Tommy Lee's dick is why she's so fucked up right now.
	Obviously kidding.
	And some tabloid ran with it and said, Howard Stern claims that Tommy Lee is responsible for Heather Locklear's depression.
	And then Tommy Lee tweets out, fucking queen of all media, I'll kick your ass or something like that.
	So he's not going to the original source, he's going to that Person who was knowingly lying.
	And so, you go, you don't really care.
	Like when they read that thing about Howard Stern, and pretended to be outraged, they don't really care.
	Tommy Lee doesn't really care.
	And that pisses me off.
	Because you're acting like you care and you're getting in my face.
	I don't care if you don't care.
	But I don't like liars.
	And we keep getting these people who are freaking out about something like immigration, where they go, we're a nation of immigrants.
	Fuck you, Trump.
	And you go, okay, how many immigrants do we have in this country?
	And they go, I don't know.
	Illegal, by the way.
	Now the correct answer, by the way, is between 15 and 50.
	The left lies and says 15.
	The right knows it's more like 30 to 50.
	But they'll say crazy numbers and I go, all right, I don't expect you to be an immigration expert, but you're screaming about it right now.
	So why do you care?
	Or why?
	Sorry, more importantly, why do you pretend to care?
	Why are you wasting my time?
	It's just like someone... I don't know anything about football.
	And it's like me getting in your face if you have a Cincinnati Reds shirt on.
	I'm not even sure that's a football team.
	And I'm like, fucking Dallas Cowboys!
	They're the best team ever!
	Your team sucks!
	Dallas Cowboys rock!
	And then the other guy goes, who's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys?
	And I go, I'm not sure.
	But I know that they're the number one team!
	And then a few months later, I've totally forgotten about the Dallas Cowboys.
	That was actually kind of happened to the Redskins.
	Remember that controversy where they said the Redskins name?
	No one cared about it for decades.
	Then everyone was furious.
	And then they didn't change the name.
	And then they moved on.
	They stopped caring.
	One of the guys, you know Ron Coleman, my lawyer on this SPLC thing, he fought hard for that band The Slants to have the right to use their name in trade market and he won in the Supreme Court and I think the people from that team, the Redskins, I think they were involved in the case too because they had a vested interest in copywriting a name that some see as a racial epithet.
	I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people booing Krum are not familiar with his work.
	That is it in a nutshell.
	And they're getting people fired.
	They're ruining people's lives based on rumors.
	Like all these guys with these fake rape allegations.
	Mattress Girl walks around Columbia with a mattress.
	Under her arm.
	And the guy that she was with now, he's a villain.
	No courtroom.
	Kale Hartman gets accused of rape.
	He begs the girls.
	What's her name there?
	The chick?
	Allison... Nope.
	Beth Stelling.
	That was 2016.
	And they had a fight.
	They're kind of horsing around.
	Her legs were all bruised because she was trying to hold her down.
	She was kicking at him and when women are good at kicking and women get bruised.
	It was not a rape, but she posted a picture of it later and said, this is what it's like to be in an abusive relationship.
	Twitter's fear of social media went nuts.
	And that was it.
	He ended up, uh, What's this?
	A comedian called out an alleged rapist and was sued for $38 million?
	Oh, that was another case.
	But they included the Kale Hartman case in there.
	So he can't defend himself because they never, and he can't sue them because they never named him.
	Someone else just sussed it out.
	Oh yeah, Beth was dating Kale.
	And then Kale's, you don't know how much of a villain he is.
	He's way out in buttfuck Idaho now, just like working construction or something.
	And he goes to an open mic.
	and starts doing it and uh he can't date by the way because you google him and you see rapist so that's dating is out because that's what people do now when they hear your name he refuses to change his name i think he should probably Uh, he doesn't open mic and they go, holy fuck, you're funny.
	You should be a comedian.
	He goes, okay.
	Why don't you come in next week and we'll actually pay you?
	Okay, comes in next week.
	Then they start printing flyers.
	Hey, Cale Hartman, this new comic is here.
	People find out about it in LA.
	They call the place and get him thrown out.
	If he goes to somewhere like UCB, Upright Citizens Brigade and sits there to watch a comedy show.
	This happened.
	Someone will come over and touch him and say, like the manager will say, uh, you have to leave.
	I think you understand why.
	And he'll just be removed.
	Based on a fucking rumor!
	No evidence!
	He was crying on his hands and knees begging these girls to take him to court.
	Charge me so I can prove that I'm innocent.
	Nope.
	We have kangaroo courts.
	Isn't this why we had the law in the first place?
	Isn't this why we've evolved law and order from the Magna Carta till now?
	So someone isn't ruined based on a rumor, based on hearsay?
	When did we all become junior high shitheads?
	When did we all become these cunty little mean girls who want to ruin Jennifer's life because Mark likes her?
	That's really what my vilification came down to, was that I was good at ridiculing Hillary and the left, and Proud Boys made loving Trump look fun.
	No.
	I don't like that that guy likes you.
	I don't like that you and Trump are friends.
	I want to ruin it!
	Based on what?
	This mythical universe where Trump is Hitler.
	I just saw this Jewish organization called, um, we've seen this before dot com.
	And it's American Jews against Trump.
	A hundred percent of his children are having sex with a Jewish person right now.
	Except for the ten-year-old.
	But I'm sure he'll follow suit.
	He moved the embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.
	See, this is what people don't understand about Trump.
	He's the least racist person in that echelon of rich.
	That's why old money hates him.
	This is Trump.
	Let me explain him to you and stop me if I've already said this.
	Did I talk about this in the last podcast?
	How he's a... they're wasps?
	Tucker Carlson is the quintessential wasp.
	White Anglo-Saxon Protestant.
	Old money, rich guy.
	Right?
	Those people have their country clubs and they're very snooty.
	Tucker isn't.
	And they have their culture and it goes back to the beginning of America.
	They built America.
	They can afford to be arrogant.
	Their religion, their values, that is the American dream in a nutshell.
	So thank you wasps for all your hard work.
	I'm not a wasp.
	I'm an Irish Catholic.
	I like trash.
	Robert Crumb, by the way, is very waspy.
	He hates tackiness.
	He hates garter socks.
	He hates Hawaiian shirts.
	That's why he moved to France.
	He's a classical liberal.
	I like gaudy, shitty, loud music.
	I like the air conditioning.
	I like being loud.
	I'm more black than any of these anti-racist liberals.
	In fact, Thomas Sowell blames black culture On the Scots.
	He said when the slaves were freed, they had to subsume culture.
	And there was the Irish being loud and partying and being gaudy and audacious and occasionally violent.
	And they said, okay, let's be like these guys.
	And I'm like, you're welcome.
	That's fun.
	So Trump is my people.
	He's Scottish.
	And he had these country clubs and the wasps didn't want him in because he's nouveau riche.
	And wasps hate nouveau riche.
	So his country clubs have a rule.
	If you can afford to be here, you're in.
	There's not a Jewish thing.
	There's not a black thing.
	We don't have different sections.
	Everyone comes in.
	It's a big patch quilt of rich people.
	And the wasps hate that because you've just cheapened the idea of wealth.
	You know, tacky Theodoracopulos is, ironically, totally against anything tacky.
	And on his boat, he used to scream at all the other boaters because he could tell when they were nouveau riche in France.
	And he'd be screaming from his boat, Screaming at them in disgust.
	And now, Rodney Dangerfield and Caddyshack is what I'm talking about.
	That's the ethos.
	That's my people.
	That's Trump.
	Well, I just stepped on a duck, that thing.
	I know you've heard me say this a million times, I don't give a fuck, okay?
	I'm doing my hits.
	And the only thing I don't like about Trump is that he resents that.
	And he wants tuckers, he wants the wasps to take him in under their wing.
	And he wants them to say, no, no, no, no, you're not Nouveau Riche, you're not Tacky, you're not Rodney Dangerfield, you're a wasp.
	You're just like us.
	You're just like all the old money people.
	You don't eat McDonald's on your hundred million dollar jet.
	No, no, no.
	You're not... You're not a fat pig who cheats at golf.
	You're an old, erudite, monocle-wearing, pipe-smoking, British person.
	You're transatlantic, buddy.
	He wants that so badly.
	I think that's all he truly cares about, is being accepted by the wasps.
	And it's never gonna happen, and it's a really stupid thing to care about.
	Fuck them.
	Fuck the rich.
	The rich are corny.
	You know what rich people do?
	I saw this rich person after Hillary lost, and she saw Hillary on a, she was walking back to her fucking $120,000 Mercedes wagon, which is an idiotic thing to buy, and she sees the Hillary sticker on her car.
	She had lost maybe two days before.
	She stopped, She put her two fingers together like the way you would if you were gonna eat Nutella out of a jar.
	Little scoopy way.
	She puts her two fingers together, kisses them, then she reaches down and she touches her kissed fingers to the bumper sticker.
	What are you doing?
	What the fuck are you doing?
	Did that little sticker go, like the Pillsbury Doughboy?
	Or did just a tiny atom of love go through the sticker into the cosmos and touch Hillary's broken heart?
	Is that what happened, you dumb cunt?
	So, I like filth.
	What else is there?
	I like junk food.
	Why would you want to be something you're not?
	I used to work with a guy who would talk black, white guy, because he played basketball his whole life.
	He was tall.
	And he wasn't playing basketball anymore.
	We were adults.
	And he was always like, yo, not for nothing.
	Basically, what's going on?
	Yo, yo, what's up?
	Yo, handshake and the hug thing and everything, especially around black dudes.
	He was really exhausted around black dudes because he'd really turn it up.
	By the way, I'd love to tell you that The black dudes would see me not doing the handshake and just being white and never going, yo, or saying, that's what's up.
	And they respected that.
	That's a better story, but it's not the truth.
	When I would shake their hand normally, I refused to do the hip hop handshake.
	When I would shake their hand normally, it was awkward and they didn't like it.
	And when Rob would be like, yo, not for nothing, what's up, they did like it better.
	Sorry, the story isn't as cool as I wanted it to be.
	But anyway, I'll just say to him, Rob, so do the math here.
	You're 70 years old.
	You're living in Cape Cod.
	You're tending to your garden.
	Are you still like, yo, I got to fucking plant these daffodils, yo.
	Like when does this end?
	When is this fake?
	It must be so exhausting to do a fake persona.
	Even when I do Miles McKinnon's shit.
	After about 10 minutes, I'm done.
	Remember we did those live streams?
	I said to Ezra, I don't know if I can do these anymore.
	Like, an hour of being a character is just brutally exhausting.
	Remember you had that theory, I don't know what it was for, I think it was like the gay voice, maybe?
	Where it's like, if you scare them in the middle of the night, do they really sound like that when they pop up out of sleep?
	Yeah, like, what if I scared this guy in the middle of the night and he's like, HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
	I mean, yo!
	Yo, why you gotta do that, bro?
	Why you gotta front on me like that?
	I'm bugging now!
	Um...
	Yeah.
	Very frustrating.
	And that's what annoys me too when people say, like, I get accused of doing this conservative character because the punk thing wasn't working and the hipster thing ran out.
	So now I got to do this.
	People, I mean, outside of sociopaths, people don't become a guy.
	Like I've been doing the same shit now since I was 14.
	There's no different, there's no act here.
	I got my son really good last night.
	Right?
	My six-year-old.
	Emily wanted to watch Joe Dirt.
	I love Joe Dirt.
	So we put on Joe Dirt with the kids.
	By the way, Joe Dirt, I think, was 2001.
	Run, Ronnie, Run, where David Cross is a mulleted redneck, is 2002.
	Now, movies take a while to make.
	And Run, Ronnie, Run was already an established character.
	But look that up.
	Did someone steal from someone there?
	Because they are alarmingly similar movies.
	It's the story of a crazy redneck.
	It's like Forrest Gump meets Redneck.
	Both of them are that movie exactly.
	Now, Run Ronnie Run was a character from Mr. Show.
	But... I don't know.
	So anyway, I told my son, my youngest boy, he goes, is this the Avengers?
	And I go, yep.
	And so he watches the whole movie thinking we're watching Endgame.
	The Avengers movie.
	That's so mean.
	And so he watches the whole movie.
	He's pretty low on superheroes.
	And I had forgotten I told him this lie.
	And he's loving the movie, by the way.
	And then there's a scene towards the end where Joe Dirt's gonna kill himself.
	And he's standing on the edge of a bridge.
	And Johnny looks at me.
	And he goes, is Spider-Man coming?
	Spider-Man's coming to save Joe Dirt!
	And then all the Avengers are coming!
	Captain Marvel's coming!
	The Hulk!
	Don't kill self, Joe Dirt!
	Hulk save!
	I said, no, this isn't the Avengers.
	And then he just started bawling his eyes out.
	He thinks it's like, you know, like, you know, Spider-Man gets his powers.
	Joe Dirt's like, he has the power of dirt or something.
	Like, he sounds like a superhero.
	He's Joe Dirt.
	He covers his enemies in dirt.
	So that was a funny part of the weekend that you just ruined.
	Another funny thing, I was goofing with the gals, the ladies.
	We watched, there was so much baseball this weekend with my boy.
	Five games!
	So I just did nothing the entire weekend but stand in the rain watching baseball.
	Which is good when he wins, but I don't like it when he loses.
	But the moms had had a few pinot grigios.
	And I made some joke about Mother's Day.
	Like, what are we doing for Mother's Day, ladies Chippendales?
	And they go, oh no, we're going to be at home having our vino.
	Oh, and I said, are we going to be having our pinot grigio on Mother's Day?
	And they go, oh, no pinot grigio.
	It's going to be rosé.
	And there's going to be a lot of, and then this sort of other woman goes, there's going to be a lot of rosé and a lot of menage a trois.
	And then I go, Oh, I'm all for that.
	I mean, depending on who my wife picks, but yeah, I would like as many of those as possible.
	Let's have five menage a trois.
	And then I realized that woman, there's a wine called menage a trois and I don't think she knows what it means.
	And then it also occurred to me, maybe you don't know what it means.
	Do you?
	Could have been a threesome.
	Yeah.
	Okay, good.
	Phew.
	Yeah, I thought that was pretty fucking funny.
	And I said to my wife later, how many menage a trois do you want on Mother's Day?
	Because I don't think I have much more than one in me.
	I could maybe do two if we did one super early in the morning and then one much later at night, but she should be pretty hot.
	If we just do one, she could be a real tub.
	And I'm fine.
	Fine with that.
	Tub.
	A real tub-alart.
	A real tub-o.
	Another thing I overheard with the baseball parents was this one dad going, I hate guns.
	Probably Jewish.
	And I think Jewish liberals see the synagogue shooting as a gun issue.
	This is before the shooting on the weekend, by the way, where that woman took a bullet for a rabbi.
	I don't think I'm that brave.
	I would take a bullet for my kids, but you never know in a situation how brave you're going to be until you do it.
	Everyone likes to think that they would action movie it up, but God, wouldn't it be mortifying to find out in the actual moment that you're a fucking pussy?
	Not that you're a pussy if you don't take a bullet.
	I'm sort of changing the subject.
	Like say five black teens are piling up on this white old white lady and you go, well, here we go.
	I might get stabbed, but I got to save the day.
	And then all of a sudden you freeze and you go, what the fuck?
	I'm a pussy?
	And you didn't know till now because you were never confronted.
	That's the beauty of boxers.
	They don't, they lost their fear gene.
	They carry around their mouthpieces and when they see a fight on the train, they just put in their mouth guard and walk over.
	I'm not there yet.
	I'm actually, oh, that reminds me.
	I wanted to talk about, I'm quite nervous about this fight with Copper Cab.
	As you should be.
	He, he can knock me out.
	He's Iron Cab.
	That's what he is now.
	Finally, a good joke!
	Well, he made that up.
	Yeah, because I was boxing a cop this morning and I can be impossible to hit.
	Like, say there's a superhero called Slippery.
	I'm the king of the slip, but I use up all my life energy.
	The little green at the top of the screen, it's just going boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
	And by the end of the first round, I am fucking beat.
	So then you just, for the second round, I think we did four rounds, but by the third round, I was just an asleep person that you could kill at will.
	And I like that box they were saying to you, what you do is you gotta go body blows, body blows, you break them down over six rounds.
	Dude, I'm not sure I could fucking do somersaults for six rounds.
	It's unimaginably exhausting.
	And you can do pads, you can do anything else for 12 rounds, no prob.
	But getting in the ring, the panic, the fear of being hit, it tires the fuck out of you.
	Because your whole body is in fight or flight mode.
	And then you go, well, what you got to do is calm down, relax, and just take a punch.
	Yeah.
	Why don't you calm down and relax and just get tased?
	Take a blow to the head.
	What is, what's a giant cop punching in the head?
	Big deal.
	Anyway, That woman was very, very brave.
	What an epic move.
	What a hero.
	But yeah, I overheard these liberal dads talking about guns.
	I hate guns.
	And I just, I thought, what a weird thing to say.
	You hate guns.
	A gun is a device.
	I hate hammers.
	I hate car tires.
	No, but guns kill people.
	Well, yeah, if guns were going around killing people, I'd understand.
	And I guess what they're saying is they shouldn't be available for mass shootings.
	But I think the worst mass massacres, the worst massacres in history were 9-11.
	Those were planes.
	And then the even with kids, it wasn't Sandy Hook.
	It was used with it was fertilizer.
	And I think it was like in the 1800s.
	But I guess the argument is there's these military-style machine guns, which isn't true.
	They just look like that.
	They're not military-grade weapons.
	They just look like it.
	And they're going and killing people.
	The example would be the mosque in Christchurch and the synagogue in Philadelphia.
	I get that.
	But... Then you take it a step further and you go, okay, so tell me what to do.
	I erase all guns from America.
	Magically.
	This is a John Lott's whole thing.
	Poof!
	They're gone.
	How long before guns are back?
	An hour?
	Two hours?
	I'm guessing about zero hours before they start pouring over the border again.
	And then they go, well, Britain doesn't have any gun violence.
	Britain has plenty of gun violence.
	Well, Australia, they outlawed guns and their gun violence went down.
	No, their gun violence was already going down.
	That's another myth.
	All of these tropes are myths.
	Look them up.
	And then another dad goes, well, they say they don't want the government to take their guns, but if the government want your guns, they're getting them.
	And I say, first of all, there was the Bundy Ranch thing, where the government was trying to kick out the last rancher, and if you're not on the side of Clive and Bundy, you didn't look it up.
	The government abuses these ranchers.
	All over the country.
	They have no idea what they're doing.
	They fuck up the land, they ruin it, they destroy the land, and then one rancher will be having a brush fire, which is an integral part of running a ranch, and he'll go a puuuube too far.
	And the next thing you know he's looking at 15 years in jail because he burned up a quarter mile of government land.
	Meanwhile they deal with hundreds of square miles every fucking day.
	It really is outrageous what is going on with these ranchers.
	So anyway when the government, when Obama went down to confiscate the Cliven Bundy Ranch Not just the Bundys and the local ranchers, but ranchers from all over the country and supporters from all over the country showed up with guns.
	And there was a standoff with the citizenry, the armed citizenry, and the military.
	And guess what happened?
	Obama chickened out and went home.
	It worked.
	The government failed.
	And then you compare that to Occupy Wall Street, where all these kids are going up screaming in cops' faces and just getting pepper sprayed and pushed back and losing.
	Also, the government is trying to take your guns.
	They're desperately trying to take your gun in East New York and the South Side of Chicago and Baltimore.
	I said that to my wife and she goes, is the government trying to take their guns?
	I go, have you not been paying attention?
	They're all highly illegal in all of those places.
	Everywhere there's brutal gun violence, there is the strictest gun laws imaginable.
	Just as strict as Britain's and Australia's.
	We're a different culture, folks.
	Stop comparing us to... England.
	As Archie Bunker said, England is a fag country!
	England is a fag country!
	I don't want no fruit flies running around this house.
	He's as queer as a four dollar bill and he knows it.
	So you cook all the meals at your house?
	Your husband cooks all the meals at your house?
	Yes.
	What's the matter with that, Arch?
	Oh, aren't you kind of afraid of how that's going to look?
	Oh, what?
	Like I'm a bad wife?
	No, that he's a fag.
	Or maybe it wasn't like that.
	Maybe it was more like, no, that he's a fag.
	No, it was the way that you said it.
	It was whispering, right?
	No, that he's a fag.
	Is this it?
	Yeah, that's it.
	Pardon me asking, but does your husband do a lot of the cooking?
	He does all of it.
	He loves it.
	Well, uh, ain't you a little afraid of what people could think?
	You mean that I'm a lazy wife?
	No, that he's a fag.
	Yeah, I was wrong.
	You were wrong, too.
	No, that he's a fag.
	No, I thought it was, he's a fag, like he was whispering it.
	Oh, okay.
	But he's, he's like, it's like he's talking about tomatoes or something.
	No, that he's a fag.
	No, an antelope tomato.
	Yeah, yeah.
	No, that he's a fag.
	I'll bet you anything That the remake they do of Archie Bunker, Jimmy Kimmel and Woody Harrelson of all people.
	Woody Harrelson is playing Archie Bunker in some short-lived remake coming up and I'll bet you anything, I'll bet you a hundred bucks that they PC it up and Arch loses all his charm and it just becomes boring propaganda that will flop, just like Ghostbusters 2, which you like, which is proof that you suck.
	I didn't mind it.
	But if you do want to bet on that, you should go to BetDSI.com and you should sign up at BetDSI.com forward slash Gavin and make sure you deposit some money.
	BetDSI will double your money when you do that.
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	It's a little late for that.
	Maybe you could bet on next year's?
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	BetDSI has a very user-friendly interface and mobile site.
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	That's more than double your money to start winning today.
	Also by using Gavin, you will automatically be granted a free $25 wager.
	And while you're spending or if you win big, Make sure you go to DefendGavin.com.
	Let's close the gap on that.
	We're at 97%.
	And I think the SPLC is 97% fucked.
	What is going on over there?
	I think there might be some criminal stuff.
	I think this is going to go way past me just saying, you guys are dicks.
	Torturous interference.
	You guys are meddling.
	And it's going to be police getting involved and saying, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	They're doing more than destroying free speech.
	They're stealing money.
	That is my theory, by the way.
	Don't sue me.
	Sue me for my theory.
	Are we done with the read?
	Hold on.
	Yeah, okay, we're done.
	That really added a lot to the show.
	Ryan, thank you for that.
	That was wonderful.
	But why did Morris Deas, the founder of the SPLC, why did he step down?
	I don't buy the sexism and racism.
	Wasn't he there for 80 years?
	And, or I should say, I don't buy that it was just sexism and racism.
	And the president then quitting?
	And the head of legal?
	The head of legal, huh?
	Wouldn't you have some culpability if they were doing something illegal?
	Are you hiding some more dough, guys?
	What are you up to, you sneaky little beets?
	And I love that they got a visible minority woman in there, Tina Tchen.
	Actually, they got two.
	I think the new head is a black woman.
	And then they said, let's get Michelle's chief of staff in there, Tina Tchen.
	And then we find out Tina Tchen was the one carrying out Michelle's orders to snuff the Jussie Smollett case.
	Ooh, and there's, I think she's being subpoenaed.
	On that, I think Kim Foxx is in big shit.
	And Tina Tchen's name is ruined.
	All for Jussie Smollett?
	Way to go, Michelle.
	Becoming Michelle.
	Alright, let's, uh, we're going way too long here.
	Let's do the mailbag.
	Shall we do some mailbag?
	We shall.
	Ryan, shut up!
	Here it comes.
	Oh, that only took you an hour.
	What are you doing?
	Shouldn't it be like right ready to rock?
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	What does he want to touch?
	My bag, dumbass.
	Oh.
	Do you know anything in the world?
	Sometimes.
	Do you get lost when you drive?
	No.
	No, not at all.
	If you asked me that before and I've... Because sometimes when I'm driving and I'm having trouble navigating, I think, wow, I'm not dumb and I'm having trouble getting to my destination.
	Dumb people must just be driving in circles.
	No, I do pretty good driving.
	Hmm.
	Um, James Majury.
	Dear GOML, I was recently trying to introduce one of my liberal friends to your stuff to show them that you aren't the alt-right hate monster that scares all ethnic children the media portrays you as.
	He was somewhat shocked to find out that on certain topics they actually agreed with you and worst of all on several occasions actually laughed at what you were saying.
	It got us talking about the media deliberately misrepresenting people's views and I couldn't think of anyone who has been as blatantly misrepresented as yourself.
	Is that the case?
	Are you really the top of the pile when it comes to pieces of shit?
	Fuck you.
	I hate you guys.
	No, just kidding.
	Um, is there someone else there that's in that that can claim that crown?
	Yes.
	Tommy Robinson is at the top of the heap when it comes to deliberate media lies.
	Pretty much everyone who isn't a frothing Trump derangement syndrome liberal is being lied about.
	Sargon of Akkad, portrayed as a racist.
	Count Dankula, who has to pay, who's refusing, but he was fined hundreds of pounds for teaching his pug to zeig Heil.
	Because that's racist.
	Even though a genuine Nazi wouldn't like that.
	By the way, Count Dankula was recently in George Square, which is like the Times Square of Glasgow, and Antifa surrounded him.
	They still think he's guilty, by the way.
	They don't get the joke.
	And they go, here you, here is your dog-a-boot.
	They call a dog a Doug there.
	And he goes, no, isn't he here?
	Why?
	He goes, because if it was, we'd kick it.
	Because his dog's racist.
	Right.
	So they'd like to hit, they'd like to kick a Nazi dog.
	You talk about clown world.
	Why don't you, so if you punch his pug, have you punched a Nazi?
	Do you feel good?
	And then what started according to Danky was a little inter discussion on, uh, dogs and kicking dogs.
	Cause that's animal abuse, animal cruelty.
	And he goes, look guys, we're no kicking a dog.
	Um, Trump himself lied about, like, Trump is anti-Semitic.
	We've seen this before.
	That's just a crazy, silly myth.
	Or, um, Roger Stone.
	They sent more people to get him than Bin Laden.
	Helicopters.
	They hired the news, CNN.
	They tipped off CNN.
	They had boats waiting in the harbor in case he jumped underwater and got on some like those underwater scuba things that James Bond has.
	And 27 heavily armed Marines or Navy SEALs or whatever the fuck they were.
	I believe it was double what, um, I believe it was double what bin Laden had.
	It's two people more than, uh, when they got Arnold Schwarzenegger in the middle of, uh, True Lies.
	In the beginning of True Lies.
	The fuckin' scuba gear.
	Um...
	About the topic you brought up, this is from a guy named Ben Wilkinson.
	Hey Gavin, about the topic you brought up, contrasting Scottish people being blunt versus Asian saving face, I too taught in Asia for a brief stint.
	When I was thirsty I'd go to the water dispenser and use these little pieces of paper that folded nicely into a cone and have a drink.
	A few months after I'd been inconspicuously gifted a mug out of nowhere, I found out that it had really annoyed the whole office that I didn't stop using the little pieces of paper.
	I developed a theory that saving face is just a strategy for banding together against someone for really petty bullshit.
	Also, I don't recommend going abroad to teach for anyone that doesn't have a genuine interest and maybe even some background in teaching.
	Being a student in Asia was fucking awesome, but the business you can teach for are usually pretty awful.
	Businesses.
	Would love to hear your thoughts.
	I think it's a great way to make money.
	I made a ton of money doing it.
	And I was making like 25 bucks an hour back right after college when I was a useless 21 year old with nothing going on.
	Yeah, I got out of high school early.
	I started college at 18.
	I see these 26 year olds in school and I just think, don't you want to start your life at some point?
	Why are you sitting in class getting berated by professors and other students that tell you how much you suck all day?
	Um, here's one I wanted to get to though.
	From abroad.
	And it's both a broad and she is from abroad.
	Oh, Jade Reeves.
	This is an intelligent letter from a woman.
	If you can believe that.
	Wagwan from London.
	So you might get annoyed by this email, but as a long-time listener I have the impression your view on men seems to be with slightly rose-tinted glasses at times.
	I agree a lot on your viewpoints, especially on feminism and the war on men, but I've got to say that your whole, if a little girl with a cleft palate went to school she would have no friends whereas the male equivalent would have tons of friends, that's all in quotes, is complete shite.
	Maybe she's Scottish.
	First of all, fat women don't become feminists because they get abused.
	Fat women become feminists because they get rejected.
	And I'm sorry, I'm not attracted to people that are dying.
	It's not natural.
	Now we're pretty reasonable with chubbiness.
	And if you go to Walmart and you see some giant sphere who just looks like a bowling ball that someone drew a face on and some sweatpants, she'll have kids and she'll be with a man.
	Every time I watch My 600-lb Life, there's some fucking boyfriend in there with her, feeding her.
	I saw one, this black woman on 600-lb Life the other day.
	She had a really tiny voice.
	She was weird.
	And her boyfriend broke up with her cause she started to lose weight.
	I'm talking like she went down from 700 to 680.
	Nah, he doesn't like skinny bitches.
	So he was out.
	All right.
	Anecdotal evidence coming up.
	I've worked in schools for a few years now.
	In my experience, seven times out of 10, the kid with the gammy leg is getting bullied by lads.
	Hmm.
	If he's getting bullied, it's being bullied by lads.
	That's a pretty good point.
	I gotta admit.
	Yeah.
	But I wasn't talking about, and I guess I was talking about young kids.
	Well, lads bully him, but also lads take him in.
	You know, but women kind of will only do one thing.
	They'll only bully and then... Yeah, maybe their bullying is a hazing.
	It is!
	To toughen them up.
	I bullied a kid named Spirit on Mitsutakis and he's actually in the right wing thing too.
	He knows he's in the same circles of people that we are and we became friends.
	Well, black kids in New York are often accused of being much harder, bigger bullies than white kids, especially in like ghetto Bronx schools.
	If you're a handicapped black kid and you went to an all black school, you got it way worse than a handicapped white kid would at a white school.
	But maybe the justification for that is we got to toughen you up because you're in a much tougher neighborhood.
	I agree.
	You know what's weird?
	It's like instinctual too, because I would be the kid that put my arm around him when he was crying.
	We went to like a camp trip, and although I bullied him in regular school, he was crying because he missed home, and I put my arm around him.
	I was like, what's the matter, dude?
	It's like a connection, you know?
	And nobody teaches you to do that.
	Bully him, and then when he's sad, be there for him.
	Nobody tells you that.
	I thought that was weird.
	I remember our gang was beating up Craig Fraser, the Falcons, when we were in second grade.
	And then Craig Fraser was crying.
	He said, everyone hits me.
	No one likes me.
	I didn't do anything to you guys.
	And then Mike Reed left the gang and goes, I'll be your friend, Craig.
	And they walked off together and they were friends for about 10 days.
	10 days.
	That's not bad.
	That's pretty cool.
	Okay, let's get back to this interesting letter.
	A woman will whisper a mean joke to their friend quietly about the fatty on the dance floor, whereas men are far more likely to shout out fat cunt in a packed pub, if you know what I mean.
	I'm not taking that because that's a pub.
	People are drunk.
	And I'm sure drunk chicks are just as bad, so we're not gauging 50% of the world's population based on a drunk guy in a British pub.
	Back to the letter.
	The only thing you guys beat us on is that we are more materialistic.
	We're very shallow when it comes to things, but males are just as shallow and mean when it comes to looks.
	Also, from the top of my head, 1.
	Men have a rating system for women's looks.
	Women don't.
	2.
	There are plenty of cases of female 10s dating male 4s.
	Harvey Weinstein's wife springs to mind.
	There are no examples of male 10s dating the female equivalent of Harvey Weinstein.
	That is true, but there are a lot of male 6.8s dating female 4s.
	Hugh Jackman?
	No, that's a ten dating a... You just want to correct his number.
	Hugh Jackman is, and Pierce Brosnan, there are about, I think Jon Bon Jovi, there are about five celebrities with ugly wives.
	But there are a lot of 6.5 guys dating threes.
	6.5 guys, burgers and fries.
	Just a bunch of okay looking dudes.
	And yes, men have a rating system, but both men and women define women by their beauty.
	Look at the fucking beauty magazines women read.
	And I think if you look at female bullying online, yes, women do get it worse, but no one mentions that the bullying is coming from women.
	Yeah, but that's a fairly good point about men having a rating system, but men aren't attractive generally.
	And we have other responsibilities in society that go back to cave days.
	We're here to protect you.
	We're here to make sure there's always a roof over your head and you always have health care.
	Finally, if we are as mean and as cruel as you make out we are, how can you then say that we should be using our natural maternal caregiving traits as mothers, because by nature we are more caring than men and too sensitive for the workforce?
	I'm a fan, I say all this with love, but it seems like your outlook on females seems a bit hypocritical at times, and your outlook on men is very biased at times.
	I have donated to DefendGavin.com.
	Good luck.
	And Ryan's current hairstyle, and I use the word style lightly, makes him look like Liza Minnelli.
	Wow.
	Okay, you know what?
	Cheers, Jade.
	How dare you.
	I think that's too flattering.
	I think his hair makes him look like a fucking giant Muppet dog.
	Fragile rock.
	Kind of cool.
	No, it's not.
	No, it is not.
	But wait a minute here.
	What do you have to say about the maternal thing?
	Yeah, women are bitchy cunts before they have babies because they're competing for a mate.
	That's all.
	I'm sure you'll see the same in the animal kingdom.
	Yeah, that's true.
	So when they're out there and the male birds are doing their little dance to get the female bird, the women are bitches.
	In fact, there is a bird, I forget what it's called, Thresher or something?
	It goes to the other bird's nests and smashes their eggs, kills the babies, so those women will be less appealing to the male.
	They sabotage the other birds.
	And I think women do that too.
	Then, after menstruating for 10 years, they finally get a man, have kids, and a serenity falls over them.
	And they totally change.
	This is why I call old childless feminists shit chests.
	Because it was like if Tony Stark took out that glowing blue thing in his chest and he put a piece of poo in there.
	They act like broken robots.
	Because they are.
	They've gone against their instincts and it's fucked them up.
	In a big ass motherfucker way.
	Should I keep doing these podcasts after I have my show?
	Would that drive more people to subscribe or would it be out of sight out of mind?
	And does the podcast help advertise the show?
	Well if it's not a sample of the show it's probably not doing much to advertise it but it's advertising you and you are the show so it's a hard... Maybe we could shrink them down and it would be the audio would be a highlight Yeah, that's what we'll do.
	The audio will be a highlight from the show.
	Or a recap of the show.
	And you'll hear us discussing... No, not a recap.
	You'll hear us discussing things that you can't see and you'll go, fuck!
	I wish I could see this.
	That's what we'll do.
	That's more work for you.
	It's alright.
	Alright, is that all?
	Did I tell you the story about this woman trying to get me kicked out of my pub?
	My dive bar?
	No.
	I'm out in the burbs, there's a shitty dive bar, and by that I mean awesome.
	It's kind of far from my house, about five miles from my house, but I like it there.
	And this grumpy, ugly little feminist who's a teacher, of course.
	She's wearing those Australian boots that you have the little tag on the back that you slip on.
	You know those ones with the elastic on the ankle?
	Yeah, it's called the Chelsea boot.
	I hate those.
	Is that what it's called?
	The Chelsea boot.
	Yeah, they suck.
	I don't think you're right.
	I think I am.
	I'm talking about the Blundstone pull-on boots.
	Blundstone.
	Oh, that's a certain brand of it.
	Yeah, but the design is the Chelsea boot.
	Yeah, I think you're right.
	Okay.
	So of course she has those on and the little side tote that goes over your shoulder.
	That's also a very Marxist teacher thing.
	And then she looks like the ugly lesbian in Orange is the New Black.
	Um, there's a couple.
	There is a couple.
	The one that's a drag queen.
	Okay.
	Yet again.
	Oh, it's the black king.
	The black guy, right?
	No, it's, uh, Lea DeLaria?
	Oh, I don't know.
	That one.
	I know the other, the black one.
	Isn't it?
	Can you imagine talking to some of these women about Trump?
	No.
	Imagine saying, what would you rather do?
	Eat stinging nettles or have to sit with Lea DeLaria for eight hours and hear her talk about Trump?
	You know, I've heard people that don't like Trump, but I've been surprised that they actually have some point of view.
	Like Dante Nero, for instance.
	He talked to me about why he didn't like Trump.
	What did he say?
	What was his best point?
	It was actually, it was just that, um, he knows that Hillary's awful, but she has more connections and stuff like that, and she knows how to run that whole, she knows how to play the politics game, lie to the people, do shit behind closed doors.
	Yeah, I don't like that, Dante.
	Exactly.
	That's called corruption.
	He's just like, well, I don't know.
	I like that he's a peak, I want Rodney Dangerfield in there wrecking it.
	I want a bull in the China shop because I hate China.
	Did you get that double entendre?
	That was pretty witty.
	She looks so much like Lea DeLaria that they could be twins.
	Anyway, I see her going, when I walk in and she's talking to other people.
	And then she goes, that's a proud boy.
	And then she shows her phone to the people around her.
	I mean, this is a man's bar, right?
	It's all, like, blue-collar dudes that go there.
	It's really busy at 3, because, you know, they've been working since 5.
	And that's when they get off work.
	It's electricians and stuff and guys who work on the roadways.
	So I don't know what you're doing telling people at this bar who can and can't be there.
	You're on our turf, honey.
	You're behind enemy lines.
	So anyway, she shows the phone and of course it's the Southern Poverty Law Center and other liars, the same kind of people who say, you know, Howard Stern said that Tommy Lee made Heather Locklear insane.
	And they don't give a shit, by the way.
	So she has a little more liquid courage and then she comes up to me and she goes, I have a real problem with you being here.
	And I go, why are you making your problem my problem?
	Are you sure I haven't told this story before?
	You told it to me off air.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	All right.
	No, I said the matriarch thing.
	Oh, well, sorry guys.
	You're going to get some stories repeated.
	And, uh, I said, you, I meant to say you bitches are all worried about the patriarchy, but you are just as bad.
	You're, you're the matriarchy.
	But I just said, look, do you have any kids?
	Cause you're a matriarch.
	So I didn't articulate that part as well as I could have, probably because I was so scared that she was going to beat me up.
	And I said, look, you got your coat on, you're all ready to go.
	Just go.
	What are you doing here?
	What are you talking?
	She goes, the way you feel.
	Okay.
	Other people here don't feel that way.
	I go, you have no idea how I feel.
	You don't know what I believe.
	You don't know anything.
	You don't know what you're talking about.
	And she goes, and no one, something like no one here wants you here.
	And I go, this is my bar lady.
	Get out of here.
	So she storms out and then I make a point to go there as much as possible after that and every waking moment I'm dipping down there wasting money on gas just to torment her and the two days later I see her there again and there I am and I wave and I see her panic and then she runs out and gets on her phone there's this local activist who's really irritating I think she called her said like he's here what should I do?
	And then she just darts out of there and never to be seen again.
	So then I say to the owner, did that fucking ugly bitch come by again?
	And he goes, oh yeah, she was here.
	She's been no end of a hassle to me there, Gavin.
	Apparently she came by the next day and said, you have to stop serving him or I'm going to cause you problems.
	This guy's an old Irish cop who could beat up Mike Tyson.
	In fact, he has a Mike Tyson boxing glove on his wall.
	And he's like, no.
	And she found out that his wife owns the building.
	So she starts demanding that the wife know what he's up to.
	And then she's texting him articles and getting up in his grill like she's going to kick his ass.
	Like their faces are a centimeter apart.
	I just found out that, that's a new one I didn't know before.
	Like, look you better do something buddy, you hear me?
	Or there's gonna be trouble!
	Like tough guy stuff.
	She's a midget too.
	She's like five feet tall.
	And then she would come and just scowl, not sit at the bar and say, did you tell your wife?
	Does your wife know?
	Did you tell your wife?
	Again, the matriarch.
	Like how, that is the exact complaint they have about the patriarchy.
	You know, I don't think we're going to be reading a lot of letters on this show, because we'll have live call-ins.
	So that may... It probably should have been lower on your to-do list, I'm afraid.
	But whatever.
	Ryan's making a graphic for the mailbag.
	But I'm not sure we'll have much letters when we have the live show.
	It will be live though, folks.
	You can call in.
	Doesn't that look cooler?
	You can call in and insult me.
	Yeah, it looks really good.
	Maybe we'll do one letter a show or something.
	I used to like that on 60 Minutes when they'd have it at the end, but they didn't have live Collins.
	So anyway, she screams at him, does your wife know?
	And that's, that's, that, like imagine a world where you go, I don't want this bitch in my, uh, in the bar.
	And there's some barmaid, and you keep saying to the barmaid, did you tell your husband?
	Did you tell your husband that this slut is in the fucking bar?
	Tell your husband!
	That's the exact definition of sexism.
	That's what everyone thinks the patriarchy is.
	Which it isn't, by the way.
	That would never happen.
	So, then she just gives up.
	She lost.
	It didn't work.
	She wasn't able to ban my bar from me.
	My old man bar.
	My greasy old man bar.
	And so now she just walks by and gives the owner the finger every time she walks by.
	Clown world, folks.
	Clown world.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

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